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bucketsofmonsters · 12 days ago

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Where the Light Enters - Part 19

Cole/Female Inquisitor

cw: unreliable narrator, hurt/comfort, slow burn, enemies to lovers, referenced noncon, happy ending, fingering, penetrative sex, loss of virginity, masturbation

word count: 4k

ao3 link

Masterlist

Defeating high dragons did not seem to have any meaningful effect on this war at all. Cassandra and Bull insisted it was vital if what she said about the elven voices in her head was true, but she suspected by the excitement in their eyes that they’d both simply wanted to fight a dragon.

Everyone had returned home from their dragon hunting missions and no one had lost a limb so at least she could count that as a success.

Things had calmed down, at least for them. It was the scouts who were out doing the real work now, as Sera kept loudly announcing to people. They were looking for any dragons, she supposed. Solas was convinced they were the key to winning this. He said there were legends about dragons being tied to the veil, that perhaps one had been corrupted by someone and that was what was tearing holes in the fade.

She didn’t really know. Cassandra had already informed her she would not be going anywhere near this final battle. She had done it after Cullen had attempted to inform her of this and then had run off after getting shouted at.

Despite it being calm, no one was settled. They could all tell the end was near and they were on edge, incredibly jumpy. She wasn’t, of course, but Cole had informed her that perhaps this was because she was always on edge.

Cole seemed relatively relaxed as well. He wasn’t one to worry about things like his potential demise at the hands of a corrupted dragon. He kept trying to help everyone else, force them out of their perpetual stress, but was having very little luck with it. Most could not be so easily distracted from such things.

Varric, however, was more than happy to be distracted. She found them sitting off in a corner somewhere, playing a game of wicked grace.

“I’m helping,” Cole declared to her. “Mind won’t wander but it’s restless, has to do something. Teach him how to move his hands, hold his eyes. Spirits don’t have tells, just have to not get thrown out into the cold, chased down for playing the game.”

“Oye,” she said, pointing accusationally at Varric. “You’re trying to get him to help you cheat! I’ll have you know, if anyone is exploiting him for profit, it will be me.”

“Noted,” Varric said with a chuckle, rounding up the small pile of coins in the middle of the table. “I won this round.”

Cole nodded. “The ace in his sleeve won it for him.”

“I’m telling you, kid,” Varric said, like he was teaching a life lesson and not scamming someone. “You’ve got to call people when they’re doing that. Or work against it.”

“But winning cheered you up. You’re not thinking about the dragon anymore, bent and wrong, turned against its home. Untethered.”

Varric groaned. “And you ruined it. Better luck next time, kid, I’m going to go practice my shooting. There’s always room for another if you want it,” he said, giving Britches a pointed look.

“I’m good,” she said. “Not like I’ll be shooting at anything anytime soon anyways.”

“So you’re really not going?” he said, not sounding surprised at all. More sad than anything.

“What, to see the most dangerous creature alive right now?” She scoffed. “Why would I?”

“To help.”

“No thank you,” she said, shooting him a deeply insincere grin. “I’m sure you’ll be fine on your own. And if you’re not, I’ll be glad I wasn’t there to get caught up in it.”

“Whatever you say. You two have fun.”

With that, he left the pair of them alone.

“Any luck helping people?” she asked, hopping up to sit on the edge of the table.

“No. Varric humors me. Sometimes he humors me so much he forgets to be scared for a moment.”

“Hey, that’s something,” she said with a smile. “Who’s your next target?”

“I don’t think I want to help them," he said, fidgeting with his hands. “I think I’m tired and I miss you and they’re all so scared it makes my head hurt.”

“Take a break then,” she said, grabbing his hand as she hopped off the table.

He seemed concerned about the whole ordeal but let her lead him along, tugging him back to their room in the attic of the tavern.

She tugged him down onto the mattress before he had time to worry. He fell on top of her, almost knocking the air out of her, but she couldn’t bring herself to mind.

She pushed him up off of her, partially so she could breathe again and partially so she could look at him.

When faced with his disheveled hair and a flushed face revealed from under a tipped off hat, she almost instantly drew him back in for a kiss, rolling her hips up into his.

She pulled back, pressing her hands into his shoulders to keep him from following her and kissing her once more and blurted out, “Do you want to have sex?”

His eyes darted down to her lips and then back up to her eyes. “We’ve had sex.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not like that, real sex.” She grinded her hips up into his as if in demonstration.

His eyes widened, excitement filling his face. “Really?”

He waited, clearly demanding an actual repose from her. When she nodded, he dove back into a kiss, hand snaking down into her pants, pushing one gently inside her and crooking it up.

A soft moan was pulled from her and alongside it, she asked, “What are you doing?” as she pulled away from his kiss with a laugh.

“Prepping you,” he said, his fingers crooking up in practiced motions. “That’s what you’re supposed to do. It’s what everyone else does.”

“I appreciate the enthusiasm but I promise I can take you”

He frowned, a little wrinkle forming between his brows. “I want to.”

She sighed a long-suffering sigh, hiding a smile. “If you insist.”

He moved, carefully and slowly, maybe too slowly. She could feel herself start to become impatient but shoved the feeling down. It was clearly important to Cole and she could allow it.

And people were so rarely this gentle with her. When they were it was always done with an air of condescension, like she was some fragile thing that couldn’t take it.

That wasn’t how it was now. There was no condescension in Cole's actions. They were simply laced with an excess of care. Everything he did was.

He slipped a second finger in, steady and sure. Her body welcomed it, more than prepared.

He scissored her open, carefully watching her face for any sign of discomfort now that he couldn’t read it out of her mind. She was pliant and soft underneath him, trying to quell any impatient squirming and allow him this.

She decided she could allow the bit of impatience that was unbuttoning his pants and shoving his underwear down to release his dick. He barely seemed to notice, absolutely focused on what he was doing, brow furrowed with his lower lip trapped between his teeth.

She gave his cock a steady stroke and he glared down at her. “You’re rushing,” he said with a huff.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said, batting her eyes innocently up at him.

He gave into her a little, removing his fingers and shifting down so his length ran through her folds, gasping as he did.

“You’re so wet,” he said, voice verging on delight.

“A brilliant deduction.”

He didn’t even bother looking annoyed, barely tamping down his grin enough to kiss her, deep and messy. It was frankly a bad kiss, too much too quickly, the desperation in it leaving it frantic and sloppy. She loved every second of it.

The head of his cock teased her entrance, not intentionally but simply sliding along her as he moved, thrusting beside her.

She stamped down her dignity and gave him a quiet, “Please.”

His eyes lit up at the word and he shifted, ever so slightly, to position himself above her with intention.

He stared down at her face, searching for something in it.

“Are you sure?” he asked, the air from his words tickling her face.

She nodded, arms lifting to wrap around him, urging him closer.

He pushed just the tip of his cock inside of her before freezing.

“You can move more than that, I promise,” she goaded him, trying to roll her hips to meet his.

He reached down and pinned her to the mattress, keeping her from moving as he shook his head. “If I do, I'm going to come.”

She laughed, the sound echoing through the room without a hint of malice to be found within it. “You’re so sweet.”

He nodded, distracted as he focused on keeping himself together.

Eventually, he seemed to decide he was composed enough to move, pushing inside her steadily. He paused once more when he was hilted inside her, a loud moan escaping him.

She giggled, shifting underneath him and earning another moan from his mouth. “One of these days you’ll learn to be quiet.”

He shook his head. “I feel good, why would I lock it inside?”

She smiled. It was a sweet idea, a declaration of happiness and pleasure, to him untainted by anything.

She supposed it was alright. She didn’t mind the idea of everyone hearing him anyway.

Finally he began to move, slowly and carefully, and she suspected it was as much for his sake as hers. Every movement was punctuated by a loud cry, his hands reaching down to grab the sheets below them.

His thrusts sped up, movements stuttering and quick, inexperienced in the motions, lost in his pleasure.

Her fingers tangled themselves in his hair, pulling his face down for messy kisses between gasps and moans.

And then a knot began to tangle up inside of her, unbidden and unwelcome, pulling soft emotions taught.

“We should stop,” she said, and he stilled instantly, pulling out of her and moving to the other end of the mattress.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“You can keep going by yourself,” she said cautiously. “I just think I don’t want your cum on me.”

He nodded, a wide smile plastering itself across his face. “I’m very proud of you.”

“Alright,” she said with a laugh. “Save it for when you’re done jerking off, alright?

He was still beaming at her when he moved to take himself in hand and she had to fight to keep another laugh from bubbling out of her.

He came quickly, as he always did, staring at her longingly the whole time.

“You’re such an idiot,” she said with a laugh, moving to kiss him as he whimpered and moaned through an orgasm, staring at her with nothing but adoration.

He looked up at her, breathless, as she pressed kisses into his face. “I love you so much,” she whispered to him between kisses, barely loud enough for him to hear. “Do you know that?”

“I do. It’s one of the only things I can read from you anymore. Sometimes, barely, fleetingly”

She smiled at the thought. “What, it’s that strong?”

He nodded, leaning into each kiss as it was laid on his skin.

They fell asleep before long. Cole seemed like he really needed the rest and she was never one to pass up a nap.

When she woke up, Cole was gone and there was some kind of scuffle going on downstairs. She quickly dressed and rushed down to see patrons of the tavern trying to shoo Cole outside as he held up what was a frankly massive cat by the scruff of its neck. It was covered in brown and gray stripes that only stopped for its white underbelly.

“Look what I found,” Cole said, holding the cat aloft slightly away from him.

Under normal circumstances, she could probably be convinced to let him keep the creature. However, given his big tomcat cheeks that indicated he was probably feral and the hissing and attempted mauling that indicated he was definitely feral, it seemed an ill advised venture. “Cole,” she said, tone deeply exasperated. “Please put the cat down before it tears you to shreds.”

“It doesn’t have a name,” he said, functionally ignoring her. “Would it be rude to give it one?”

“He doesn’t need a name in the wild, where you are going to return him to,” she said, with an amount of patience she didn’t even know she was capable of mustering.

“Its name is Clover,” he announced, seeming proud of himself.

“Did he tell you that?” she asked.

“No, I decided.”

“Great, fascinating stuff. Would Clover like to stop clawing at you?”

“It would. It just doesn't know if it is safe. I will show it that it is.”

“You know this is a bad idea, right?” she demanded of him.

“I know you think that,” he said, his voice petulant.

She rolled her eyes. “Back in my head again?”

“No. I can just tell.”

“Groundbreaking stuff. Alright, have fun with your new cat. Keep it away from me and probably keep it away from the tavern.”

She didn’t even notice Solas in the corner until he cleared his throat. “Yes,” he added, staring at the cat. “You should probably find some place less crowded to keep it.”

Cole nodded and made his way out the door, feral cat in tow, just leaving her and Solas.

Her instincts told her to just leave, to run up the stairs so she wouldn’t have to talk to him. But she could feel goosebumps rise on her neck and knew he was staring at her.

“What’re you doing here?” she asked, turning to him. “I didn’t take you for a big drinker.”

“I’m not,” he said. “I was waiting for you. We need to talk.”

“Can we do it later?” she asked, already regretting not brushing him off and running back up the stairs.

“No, it is quite urgent.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, backing out the tavern door as they spoke, Solas following behind her. The voices in her head were raising, echoing, shouting warnings at her that she could not hear, making it hard to focus on anything. She stumbled as she walked backwards, everything getting so overwhelming.

And then everything around her faded away, an impenetrable blackness coming up around her.

The only reason she knew she hadn’t gone blind was that Solas was standing in the void with her, looking just as disoriented as she felt, though she imagined there were probably fewer voices screaming in his head.

And then there was an old woman in front of them, with hair done up like horns and the look of a mage about her.

She was frozen in place, unable to move her arms, though Solas seemed to have no issue moving and shifted away from her easily.

The woman chuckled as Britches struggled against invisible bindings and then, with a flick of the woman’s wrist, she could move again.

“What was that?” Britches demanded,

“Just a bit of control over you. The pool must have a price, mustn’t it?”

She wanted to insist that surely the screaming voices were enough of a deterrent for most but she figured it was unwise to anger the woman who could seemingly control her without even extending any major effort. “What do you want from me?” she asked instead, trying not to sound too confrontational.

“I’ve come to help, since you can’t seem to parse the voices on your own. I didn’t mean to grab him,” she said, gesturing at Solas. “But he seems to have tagged along so I suppose he can stay. Odd, he always seems to be in the right place at the right time, doesn’t he?” Her voice had a knowing lilt to it that she could not parse. “What the voices you took on and can’t understand are trying to say is that there is not just a dragon to be defeated, but a price to be paid. You must be given for the Inquisition to survive.”

“Given?” she asked, reeling back, having a bad feeling she knew exactly what this prophecy wanted to take.

“That’s what you need to know, you can figure the rest out, I’m sure. Especially with such a capable mage at your side.” She shot Solas a look that meant something, something Solas understood. What it meant, she had no idea. She was too busy being filled with panic.

With that, the world faded back in and the voices quieted to their typical wave of chaos.

Solas grabbed her and pulled her to the side, speaking in hushed tones. “She’s right, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. The dragon can be stopped but I was looking through the fade and the two of you are tethered. It can only be killed in conjunction with the anchor in your hand. Without that, the dragon is unkillable. While one remains so must the other.”

“Right,” she said, already trying to find an out from this conversation. “I’ll think about that.”

“You should,” he insisted, “a lot of people’s lives are riding on this.”

“Whatever,” she hissed, storming off to go find Cole.

The thought kept swirling through her head, that Cole was going to fight that dragon the second they found it. She knew her telling him it was unkillable wouldn’t do anything. He wouldn’t run, it didn’t matter what she said. He would try because that’s who he was.

So it was her or him, at the end of the day. Well, her or thousands upon thousands of people, but that didn’t really matter to her. She’d let them die in a heartbeat, wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. She found it impossibly and frustratingly difficult to say the same when she imagined Cole there, killed by something she could have prevented.

But she couldn’t die, couldn’t give up now, not after everything she’d done. It wasn’t an option.

And yet she found herself turning around to go talk to Solas again.

When she found Cole, she knew he could tell that she was exhausted and panicked. Whether or not he could see into her head anymore, that much was abundantly clear. She was tense, jaw clenched and breaths coming too slowly, clearly intentionally slowed for others benefit.

And, more than that, he took one look at her and knew if he tried to speak to her about it, she would freak out, spiral and push him away, so instead he just looked her up and down and said, “I lost the cat.”

That much was evident from the long scratch up his face alongside his empty arms.

“Looks like it,” she responded, giving him a halfhearted smile.

Before they got a chance to talk any longer, shouts started to rise and she saw that Sera’s scout had returned.

Even from a distance she looked solemn. Sera practically tackled her to the ground when she got back, having clearly been worried about her, though she’d never admit it.

“I found it,” she said to the crowd that was slowly gathering, sensing that she had important news. “It’s a few days' ride away.”

Everything got incredibly frantic after that. People were bustling around, grabbing every weapon they could find, stocking resources. This was going to be it, they all whispered. Take everything, after this it will be done, one way or another.

She barely helped. She felt queasy as she watched them.

People kept offering her things to do. Blackwall came up to her and asked if she could help lead the horses to their wagons, Varric asking if she could help carry supplies. Even Vivienne seemed to have something for her, asking if she wanted to abscond for a few moments and drink some wine together. That was the only offer she almost took them up on. But she had to be sober, it didn’t seem right not to be, not now.

The offers never really seemed to end. It seemed to be out of some need to see her involved, to make it look like she was helping. She truly did not understand it.

Josephine came to her with an authoritative air about her, seemingly actually needing real aid with something, and Britches looked up, nonplussed. “Yes?”

“We are doing one last plea to nobles with resources near the fight. I believe you are in good standing with some of them, your presence could be of great help.”

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head. “I think I’m good here, thank you.”

“I assure you it will not be dangerous,” Josephine said, seeming confused by her refusal. “We just need to do our best to support them from the sidelines. A well supported army is a successful army.”

“I know. I’d rather not though.”

Britches got up and wandered off without waiting for a response, where to she wasn’t sure. She was getting antsy but she focused everything she had into staying put.

Less people came up to ask for help after that. It wasn’t even that they knew she’d refuse. Public opinion was simply starting to turn. She wasn’t the poor defenseless girl anymore, she was someone refusing to help. They’d invested time and care into her and what had she done other than abandon them at every opportunity.

They were right, of course. There was no other reaction she could have expected from them. It needed to happen, she needed to be exactly as terrible as she always was, needed to turn them all down without recompense.

There were a few stragglers, ones who still had some modicum of belief in her or a hope that couldn’t be snuffed out so quickly. She wasn’t sure which and she didn’t much care.

“If you want to come,” Cullen said, offering her an olive branch, “you could go and stay back. I’ve heard you do that in the field, it wouldn't be any different than that. Just so we don’t have to leave you here and you don’t have to just sit around and worry.”

She shook her head resolutely. “I’m just fine here. And don’t get too concerned, I promise I won’t waste away worrying. In fact, I’ll try not to worry at all.”

Cassandra scoffed. “Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”

And then they began to head out.

She watched them all pass her by, seemingly having successfully worked to piss off every single person there. Cullen was fuming at the head of the army, refusing to give her so much as a look. Blackwall and Sera gossipped about her as she walked by, with little regard for her presence. Bull shot her an incredulous look and she couldn’t help but try to figure out what he was wondering. Maybe what he’d ever seen in her, maybe how someone so vile had tricked him so effectively, maybe something entirely different. It was a mystery to her, probably would always be. She caught a few more nasty looks aimed at her as they left, some from people she didn’t even know.

Vivienne was the only one who didn’t seem angry, giving her a regal nod as she passed. She’d always respected the way Britches played the game, was one of the few who recognized it was a game at all.

Cole sat by her side the whole time, reluctant to leave. She wanted to grab his hand and beg him to stay but she knew she couldn’t. He was too selfless to ever consider it, and besides, she needed them gone.

Cole leaned over and whispered, “They’ll miss you. Right now they can see themselves, drowning, devoured, dying. It’s hard to see anything else. And you just sit, safe, secure. Alone.”

She just nodded. She knew that, knew it incredibly well. She’d been them many times and could not fault them for it. No one hated the safe more than frightened people did.

She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever actually felt safe before.

Varric did come to see her as the last of the troops filed out, sidling up beside her. “They don’t mean it,” he said, giving her a pat on the back. “They’re just worried. People get mean when they’re worried. You’ll patch it right up when we get back.”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me, they can think what they want.”

He gave her a knowing look but didn’t fight her on the matter. “Whatever you say, kid. See you on the other side.”

Cole stood up, running out of time to stall through. He turned and stared at her, like he was trying to figure something out.

“You’ll be fine,” she said, focused on keeping her voice level. “You always are.”

He nodded. “And then it will be fixed. And we can be us.”

“Yeah, it will be. Now go,” she said, shooing him off. “Go help people, don’t let me stop you.”

He stumbled off, turning to look back at her over and over again until he’d passed the gates and left her sight completely. She imagined even past the walls, he kept looking back, until Skyhold was far in the distance.

She watched to chase him, to give him the biggest kiss she's ever given him, but that would give her away, would show what the voices roaring her her head so conveniently hid from him.

So she didn't do what she wanted, didn't take one last look at any of their faces, let them believe what they wanted. She just let them leave.

The second the last troop had left Skyhold, she was off, racing to the garden where Solas had returned to, sneaking out of their ranks.

He looked over at her as he arranged the ritual circle on the ground. “I was worried you might not come.”

She shrugged. “Thought about it. Are you sure we need to do this? There’s no way they could win on their own?”

He shook his head. “It has to be the mark, it can’t be done without it.”

“And there’s no chance I survive this?”

He looked almost exasperated, which seemed a bit unfair considering the circumstances. “I told you before, I haven’t exactly done this previously so it’s impossible to know for sure. It certainly seems unlikely. The spell will rip you apart. I think it would take a stronger person than you to survive this.”

“Whatever,” she said, staring down at the mark on her palm. “Couldn’t we cut my hand off or something? Does it need to be attached to me?”

“I meant it when I said I considered every option. I would not be doing it this way if I thought there was something else to be done,” he said, voice softening slightly. “Despite our differences, I do not want you dead.”

It meant more to her than it should have. She was probably just overemotional.

“You aren't who you say you are,” she leveled at him as she forced the emotions down. There was no reason to keep leverage anymore, she could say whatever she wanted to him.

“I am not.” At least now, at the end, he graced her with the truth.

“I know you don't like me and I know you don’t think I was good for him," she said, fighting back a sob. She managed it. She'd gotten very good at not crying. “But please tell Cole I love him.”

Solas nodded. “Of course”

And with her last breath, she laughed.

#dai cole #cole dai #cole dragon age #dragon age cole #dragon age inquisition #dai #colemance #where the light enters #Welcome to my favorite chapter of this whole fic #I hope you enjoy it even half as much as I do <3 #For anyone who is nervous ab the ending I will gently direct you towards the happy ending tag #I frankly cannot believe there is only one more chapter left I'm gonna cry #Thank you to anyone who has read this far #I’ll see you all next week <3

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nethhiri · 4 months ago

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Chapter 54: Saccharine

Warnings: references to violence, menstruation

While you didn’t remember falling asleep, you certainly must have at some point. The thing about being blind was that light couldn’t make it to your brain to tell you what time it was, nor could it regulate your circadian rhythm, so you fell asleep and woke up at random times while your body adjusted to it’s new lightless cycle. You couldn’t tell what time it was, but guessed it was sometime in the early hours of the morning. It was an educated guess based on the hulking beast essentially roaring in your ear with every breath. That and the fact that you were in Killer’s room and Killer wasn’t there. Feeling around the side of the bed opposite Kid, it was still slightly warm. Killer must have just woken up to start making food for the crew.

Usually you would have gone with him to watch the sunrise and share coffee. Thinking about how you would never be able to do that again, for even a split second, sent you back to all the depressing thoughts you were having the previous day. Worse, Killer didn’t bother to wake you, knowing that you couldn’t admire the dawn with him. You would have still wanted to have coffee in his company. You could still do that at the very least.

As you lay in bed, a wave of nausea came over you, followed by the beginnings of a headache. The nausea was easily attributed to the antibiotics you were taking, and the headache could be any number of things: fucked up sleep, dehydration, Kid’s obnoxious snoring. It wasn’t enough to bother you yet. The only thing bothering you at the moment was figuring out how to break free of Kid’s hold so you could go pee. Over the many mornings you had spent with Kid, you were only able to remove him yourself occasionally. More often, Killer would have to rescue you. You were actually a little bit surprised Kid stayed with you for however long you had been asleep. You could tell he still had his clothes on so he must have been there the entire time.

Your hands searched out Kid’s face. One of them was over his mouth and the other pinched his nose. He twitched a few times and then thrashed to escape your grip for a breath. Instead of releasing you, as you thought he would, he only squeezed you tighter to him with a whine, making the healing wound on your chest twinge uncomfortably. You tried it again. This time, Kid’s own thrashing woke him up when he bucked his head back and hit it against the headboard.

“Ow fuck. What the fuck?” Kid’s groggy voice replaced his snoring. “Can’t ya wake me up in a more pleasant way? Like sittin on my face.”

“I could if you didn’t hold me in a vice grip . Let go of me. Gotta pee.”

When he lazily released you, you rolled on your stomach and scooted down the bed until you felt your feet touch the floor. As you stood up, you felt dizzy, but the feeling passed relatively quickly. You carefully shuffled your way to the bathroom, trying not to trip or run into anything.

As if suddenly realizing you were blind, Kid stumbled out of bed to help. “Shit. Lemme help ya.”

“I’m don’t need help. I’m fine.”

“Shut up and let me- OH shit yer bleeding!”

“Huh?” You felt the bandages on your chest. They were dry. “No I’m not.”

“Not there. Uh it’s- yer bleeding from-“ Kid pointed, again forgetting that you couldn't see.

“Oh.”

It was something that you hadn’t experienced in quite some time. And you would have been perfectly fine without experiencing it ever again. The familiar feeling of warm blood sliding out from your vagina to trickle down your leg. You might have noticed sooner if you had on panties. The cool wet feeling against your crotch was more noticeable than body temperature blood on skin.

“Are ya okay? Are ya hurt?!”

Kid broke out in a sweat when his eyes fell upon the dark red, clotty blood clinging to your inner thighs. He had pushed a lot of the bad thoughts about what had been done to you out of his mind, but they came flooding back in at the sight. His mind swam and he felt sick wondering if you had internal injuries. Although he had seen a fraction of your trauma firsthand, he knew whatever happened off camera was worse. And he felt sicker knowing that it was his fault. If he hadn’t opened his big mouth, maybe the worst of it wouldn’t have happened. Kid was about to run and fetch Killer for help, but you stopped him.

Putting the nausea, headache, and dizziness together, it all made sense. “No. I think… it’s my period?”

It couldn't be internal lacerations or anything of that nature because you had healed all the injuries that weren't infected somewhat indiscriminately, including any tears you had in the perineal area and anal and vaginal canals. What you didn't understand was how you were bleeding. Ever since the injury that caused your uterus to put out of commission, you hadn't experienced menstruation. It must have been your healing. You had inadvertently healed the scarring in your uterus. The hormones you had been given in captivity had made whatever endometrium you had left thicken in preparation for an egg to implant. The absence of them had caused the lining to slough, and now that your uterus had a patent cavity, it was able to exit. The dull ache of a cramp solidified your theory. You didn't really remember how your periods used to be, but how bad could it have been if you couldn't remember?

"Didn't think ya got those anymore." Kid put his hand on your shoulder to steer you to the bathroom, thinking about the misunderstanding where he thought he had gotten you pregnant in the past.

"I think I accidentally healed that old injury that kept it from happening." You cleaned up your thighs with some toilet paper. "Can you ask one of the girls for a tampon or pad or something?"

Kid shuffled his feet. "Uh... how?"

"With words." You didn't hear him move. "Well? Get moving." The sound of grumbling and reluctant footsteps faded off as Kid left.

You wished you could blame your recent emotional distress on this, but you knew it was the trauma manifesting. His sure did take his time. You waited on the toilet for a while before deciding to give your healing another shot. Although you still didn't feel well, part of it could be attributed to your cycle. Focusing on your chest, you willed your power to pull the skin across the scabbed over wound. Your hands lay on your chest to map your progress by poking to see which areas still hurt. Only a small area remained. Even so, you didn't have the energy to finish the job. As you waited, the cramps got slightly more intense.

The door opened and you called, "Kid?"

"And Killer." You heard the first-mate answer.

After taking care of your bleeding issue with whatever Kid could scrounge up, you let Killer change your bandages. You sat on the edge of Killer's bed, still in his shirt, now with some of his boxers on too.

"You were able to heal more? It looks much better."

You nodded with a pained expression, as another, stronger cramp took hold.

"Here." Killer put something warm in your hands, curling them around a cup.

You sniffed it. "You brought me coffee?"

"And I brought ya breakfast," Kid's voice interrupted.

Your stomach was rumbling in a bad way. "I think I better pass. But it was thoughtful of you to bring a plate."

"Eh Killer asked me to. But I brought yer pussy shit!"

You snorted. "Yes. Good boy. Thanks for bringing my 'pussy shit'." You made air quotes. It was clear that Kid wanted a little praise for helping. Though you would put money on it that Heat actually had to ask the girls for feminine products and Kid was too embarrassed.

"Can I eat this then?" Kid was not about to waste Killer's cooking.

"Knock yourself out."

"Sweet." Kid's feet headed toward the door. "I'm gonna be in the shop." He slowed down and trotted back toward you to press a kiss on your cheek. "Feel better, bunny." Kid practically skipped out of the room.

Your cheeks were hot as he called you by the pet name he normally reserved for more intimate times. It was just Killer there, but still. You lifted the coffee he brought you to your mouth and blew on the surface so you wouldn't burn your tongue, scooting back on the bed so that you could lean against the headboard and have your legs out. The mug was nice and warm. After taking a few sips, you placed it right over your lower stomach to ease the cramps, which were rolling in more frequently and worse. You heard the drag of a mug from the side table and felt the bed dip. Then there was an arm around you, pulling you in to lean on Killer's side. You heard him take a drink.

"You didn't have your coffee yet?"

"I wanted to share it with you. Like we always do."

"Minus the sunrise."

"Got it covered, darlin." There was the sound of paper unfolding. Killer cleared his throat. "Dark blue, purpley-pink, coral, bright orange, pale yellow, sky blue. Four fish jumps, two seagulls, one pelican, one mama whale and baby, and one sea king."

You felt guilty about earlier when you thought that he had done your thing by himself. You didn't expect this. This went beyond a nice gesture. This was loving. He watched the sunrise for the both of you and wrote everything down? You had to turn your face from him and say something snarky so you didn't tear up. "You're lying about the sea king."

"I'm not. Swear on Kid's life."

You humphed. "Not fair." They were always a sight to behold, no matter how many you had seen.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the time together. You sipped your coffee until there was nothing left. Killer made it exactly how you liked it. He took the empty mug from you and set it on the side table. Drinking coffee on an empty, mildly upset stomach was not the best thing to do, but it was the only thing you thought you could keep down for now. Killer rubbed your arm with his fingers in light circles.

"Kid seems to be in an uncharacteristically good mood lately," you mused. He hadn't even stomped once since you had been better.

"He's relieved that you're alive." Killer paused. "No one was sure if we would get you back. I think we convinced ourselves that when, if, we found you, it would be too late. If we did that, then we couldn't be disappointed if that was exactly the case. Any outcome that ended with you being alive was more than we could have dared hope for. Everyone wanted to believe we would find you alive, but we were too scared that we would be let down." His arm tightened around you. "Sorry. I didn't mean to get heavy."

"I didn't think... everyone cared that much. I mean you and Kid... yeah, but everyone else?"

"You are part of the crew. The crew is our family. You are our family." Killer paused. "If it were Quincy or Emma, wouldn't you feel the same?"

"Yeah... but I haven't been a part of the crew for as long. I'm not as integrated."

"What are you talking about? You've healed every single person on this ship at some point. You've fought for every single person on this ship and risked your life more than once." In a more gentle tone, Killer added, "When are you going to accept that you are worthy of being loved? And I'm not only talking about Kid and I." He meant them, and Heat, Wire, all your friends in the crew, everyone.

You knew Killer was right. There was something inside you that put up a barrier against fully feeling like part of the crew. It protected you in case one day they decided otherwise. Then you wouldn't feel as heartbroken. It had started to crumble not so long ago, but the deceptive words of Warthin had built part of it back up again. Something Killer said had caught your attention.

"Kid and you?"

In the silence that followed, you wish you had your vision back. Killer was probably so red he was purple.

"Uh, well." Killer paused in his discomfort. "Yeah. I was... gonna tell you. I wanted to tell you."

You smiled softly. "You didn't have to say it. You show it with everything you do. But... It's still nice to hear." There was a long pause. "That's your cue to say it." You put a hand behind your ear playfully.

"I guess I have no choice. I have to compete with your three other boyfriends."

"Huh? Three?"

Killer chuckled. "That's what you said in your sleep, when I was taking care of you."

"I wonder what I meant by that."

"Probably wishful thinking. I think Wire and Heat would find it very amusing," Killer teased.

"I don't need eyes to kick your ass, Massacre Soldier."

Killer leaned down and nuzzled his face into your neck. "I love you, little breadcrumb." He kissed your cheek.

______________________________________________________________

Several hours later, you were writhing in pain. Kid took you to his cabin to keep you company while Killer attend to his own duties. They both thought it best not to leave you alone with your thoughts, and for that you were grateful. Kid sat at the desk in his room and was working on some schematics or maybe charting. You couldn't tell, but you could hear the sound of his pencil furiously working. During this, Kid kept asking if you were ok and you kept replying that you were fine, but your clipped tone suggested otherwise. There was no more pain medication, not even the weak stuff. It had been used on you when you were unconscious. Kid didn't like watching you toss and turn, switching from fetal position one direction to the other, trying to get comfortable.

"Are you sure I can't get you-"

You half growled. "Get me heat and some fucking chocolate if it will make you shut up."

All the years that you had gone without menstruating seemed to catch up at once, hitting you with every missed cramp and migraine, plus interest. Between the cramping and your lower back aching, it felt like someone was spearing you through the middle. You could feel Kid's worry seeping into you from across the room and it annoyed you. This was nothing compared to what you had endured, and yet it knocked you flat on your back. You couldn't fight it with fists. If you had full use of your devil fruit, you could end it. Maybe tomorrow would be the day. You knew you shouldn't snap at Kid and you were guilty about it. The pain of the migraine you were now experiencing and the cramps squeezing the life out of you interfered with your ability to be nice. If Kid wanted to help so badly, then so be it. He could get you a warm pack and one of your cravings.

A few minutes later, Kid returned. "Alright, lass. I brought Heat and I didn't know what kind of chocolate ya wanted, so I brought all of it."

"What do you mean you brought Heat? I meant like a warm compress or something."

"Oh. Heat, ya can lea-"

"No! He'll do." You rolled to make room on Kid's bed. "Come." You patted the vacancy.

Heat stiffly got in beside you, unsure of the situation. He hadn't seen much of you since you returned. In fact, the last he saw you, you were near-dead on a gurney in the infirmary. This was improvement. He still didn't want to hurt you by accident, or, more likely, get hurt by you. You were giving him such a mean look, especially for someone with no eyes.

"Hands." You demanded. When he didn't move fast enough, you repeated,"Hands!"

Heat hurriedly gave you both of his hands. You slapped one on your lower back, and the other on your lower stomach, making a sandwich of yourself. Finally, his higher than normal body temperature started to soothe your pains. He had to lay on his side to keep his hands in place. You groaned as your aches grew duller. Normally, Heat would have been very into you ordering him around. He was too intimidated to have horny thoughts. Nor was it the right time to. When your breathing slowed and it seemed as if you were asleep. Heat thought about getting up.

"Boss," Heat whispered, "I'm scared to move."

"You should be," you said, definitely not asleep.

Kid cackled from across the room.

"Keep it down! My fuckin head is killing me."

Kid choked his laugh back. "My bad, doll."

There was a subtle jiggle in his hands as Heat silently laughed at his captain getting scolded. You put your hands on top of his, pressing it harder into your gut.

"Make them hotter," you told Heat.

"I can't control my body temperature."

You grumbled your displeasure.

Later, as you started feeling better, you dismissed Heat so he could go do his actual tasks for the day. Killer brought you lunch, which you weren't hungry for because you had been snacking on chocolate all day. Killer was displeased that Kid let you eat that much. In Kid's defense, he couldn't say no to you. You looked so cute curled up snuggled in his sheets and he liked that you were dependent on him. During breaks between sketching, Kid would sit next to you and rub your back or offer to get you something. Even Wire dropped by to "see if Kid needed anything", but really he wanted to see how you were doing with his own eyes now that he heard you were bouncing back.

In the evening, Killer brought dinner to Kid's cabin for the three of you. Killer did the same thing as he had before after cutting everything up into bite-size pieces. He helped you with the first bites so that you knew where everything was in space. Then, you could do it without his aid. Killer had thought about bringing you soup in a mug so you didn't have to fiddle with utensils, but he knew you wouldn't like getting something different than everyone else because of your disabilities. Plus, it was better that you got some hearty food in you instead of broth. By tomorrow, you could probably use your devil fruit to heal yourself if you had enough energy.

After dinner, you asked if you could shower. You hadn't done anything to get dirty between the last one and now, but you thought the warm, moist heat would feel good. Your body and Mother Nature were still fighting you, but they had settled down to a tolerable level. Killer would not allow a shower, and certainly not an unsupervised one. They were being extreme in your opinion. It was sweet how much they cared though. And that was how you ended up in the bathtub with both Kid and Killer. The bath was safer since you had to sit, and both of them had to clean off, so it made sense to join you. When you were done cleaning yourself, you sat in front of Killer so he could braid your hair again. You liked how it stayed out of your face and you knew that Killer was a little bit of a perfectionist, so they definitely looked good.

"So does this mean ya can get pregnant now?"

"Kid!" Killer scolded him.

"What?! I'm jus curious."

"My eyes would be rolling, if I had any. Just so you know." You sighed. "Yeah I guess so."

Kid made a noise of understanding.

"What? Nothing else?"

Killer pulled you into his lap when he was finished braiding your hair. "We'll be more careful in the future. That's all."

"Actually..." You paused, unsure how to proceed. "I was going to use my devil fruit to reverse the healing I did. I don't want to deal with this every month and I'm sure you don't either. And the chance of having a baby..." You shook your head. There was a silence that you didn't know how to interpret without being able to see either of their faces. It was making you nervous. "Is that... okay? Or.... is that something you... might want?" You choked the words out, feeling awkward even saying them. Being a mother and having a family were never items on your radar. Yet, your thoughts on the matter might be swayed if that was something that either of them wanted. They had done a lot for you lately, more than you thought they ever would.

"Doll, that's not for either of us ta decide."

Killer wrapped his arms around you in agreement.

"I can...always reverse that, too. If you change your mind." You shrugged.

"Stop yer worryin about what we want." Kid flicked water at you.

"Do what you want," Killer added.

The next day was pretty much the same. You felt like shit when you woke up, but as the day went on, you gradually felt better. And at the end of the day, you were able to fully heal the rest of your chest. You didn't know what would happen if you reverted your uterus to its scarred state before you were done with your period, so you left it alone for the time being. The entire day Kid and Killer periodically switched off checking on you, offering cuddles, idle chat, food, whatever you wanted. It was unlike anything you had experienced before and something you definitely hadn't expected from them, more so Kid. He really did have a soft side, if you were lucky enough to see it.

That night you were sandwiched between the two of them, as you were most nights. You liked to tuck yourself under Kid's stump and lay on his chest while Killer spooned you. That was exactly how you were positioned now. The pillowy-ness of Kid's chest rivaled your own. Killer refused to answer whose chest he preferred to lay on because he knew whatever he said would start a fight. Killer's hand was draped over you, rubbing your lower stomach, which still had echoing cramps. Kid ran his hand over your braid and gave it a playful tug.

"I like these."

"Mhm," you replied sleepily.

"I'm pretty close to figurin out how to replace yer eye."

"Are you?"

"Ya might ferget how handsome I am if I don't finish it soon."

Kid was only joking. How could he know that was a very real fear you had been struggling with? Tears formed at the corners of where your eyelids met and dripped down your face onto Kid. You tried to sniff them back before he could see, yet it only made you cry harder.

"Hah!? What'd I say?! What's wrong?"

"What if I do forget?" You sniffed. "W-when he took my eye... he said he's the last thing I'll ever remember. And I don't want him to be right."

"He won't be. Don't think that for a second." Kid's anger flared. The only thing stopping him from going to the brig and beating that man to death was the fact that you would be mad that you didn't get to do it yourself.

"We're not going to let that happen," Killer spoke from behind you. Killer felt guilt prick at his mind. Maybe he should have told you about your eye. He felt like he was doing the right thing. Now, he wasn't so sure.

Kid brushed the tears from your face. "Don't do that. Yer so ugly when ya cry." Kid said it on purpose. He knew it would make you laugh to say something mean instead of what a normal person might say. It was part of his charm.

"Kid!" Killer protested.

You started to half-laugh half-cry. Kid was so stupid. But it was comforting in a way that only you would understand. How did you deserve to have not one, but two people that cared for you so deeply? They had helped you so much over the past few days, not to mention the effort they put in to rescue you. Somehow, the past two days meant more to you. Any captain worth anything would rescue one of his crew. Only a captain that loved you would run and jump to hug you when he saw that you were awake, or bring you his own officer as a personal heating pad. And Killer, how two days in a row he brought you coffee and described the sunrise for you, so you could still participate in your special routine, one that you thought would be over forever. You started crying again.

"What now!? I didn't say anything!"

"No one.. has ever been... this kind to me." You said between sobs.

"Ya don't have to be a crybaby about it."

"You can be a crybaby with me," Killer rolled on his back and patted his chest.

You started to roll to lay on him instead, but Kid trapped you against him.

"No, no. Stay. I like yer ugly crybaby face."

Killer returned to his place spooning you and kissed behind your ear. "That's what people do when they love you."

"Get used to it, princess. Can't have ya bawling yer eyes out every time we do somethin nice."

Tag List: @bbnbhm @nocturnalrorobin

#this chapter is a tad self serving lol #probably my new favorite chappie #apologies for all the comfort #next chap will have some light mauling and maiming #who am I kidding it will have many satisfying deaths :3 #one piece #marooned #eustass kid #massacre soldier killer #x reader #eustass kid x reader #massacre soldier killer x reader

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