#the nurses were so nice in letting me up to use the toilet four times and not say anything about it.

[mostly-mercy-vore]

"Post op complications"

[Mercy x 💀/💀/💀/💀/💀]

Content Warning: Vore. Post Vore Weight Gain. Implied (already happened) post vore scat. BOOOONES.

Angela sat, one long lock of sweaty blonde hair over her eye. Her eyes half closed, panting, wheezing. .she was on the toilet. Her fat cake rolled over either sides of the seat and hung like saddle bags. Her fat gut, a mere little pillow under the heaving, monstrous milk white tits.

Mercy panted. She was manspreading, slumped against the back of the tank. The healer's breathing heavy. With a groan her ass farted a bit into the bowl signaling the end of her digestive misery. Panting, soaked in sweat, she mumbled to herself.

"Look...look..." she clapped two hands to her gut, and squeezed. All the plush dough like fat gushing between her fingers. "Look what your stupid family did to me!" She whined. Turning her face to glower at your bone white skull, empty sockets staring back at her.

"72 hours laying in bed digesting you all. PTO gone. Sixteen hours on ze toilet. Four trips to the bathroom. Five skulls FIVE FUCKING SKULLS!" Mercy almost choked and sobbed, her poor little butthole was so sore. She bit her lip and grabbed her fat hips "Look at what your sisters did to mein ass! How am I supposed to....these are going to shred my stretchiest pantyhose!" Mercy wobbled her fat hips sending a shake to her new bigger 82 inch ass.

The milf medic slapped her thighs. "Your papa destroyed these, zere is absolutely no way I am wearing those mom jeans you were so horny for now, need an all new wardrobe! And your mother!!!!"

Angela snatched up your polished skull and held it aloft in the palm of her left hand. Glaring at you as she heaved one fat, juicy tit as big as a kickball in the palm of her hand.

"Where am I supposed to get a bra to fit these massive mommy mikkers, hmm!?!" Angela Ziegler tipped her hand letting her big, sweaty, fifty pound tit to slap against the rest of her doughy belly.

Angela dropped her arms helplessly. They were pillowy and fat now, holding them up seemed like such an effort. Her fingers, holding your eye sockets like a bowling ball, relaxed. Your skull clatters to the floor and rolls away. Mercy doesn't care. Why would she give a fuck?

A dog doesn't care about dog food. The Nurse, didn't care about nurse food. Dumb. Young. Eager. Stupid little gutslut. Mercy had already gobbled you up and used you. Your bones were no more important to her than the fucking kleenex you used to clean your cum.

Mercy panted and sighed. Resting her hands on your final burial place: her fat little belly. Squeezing the chub there, she could tell it was you fattening up her new gut. You'd always been a pathetic little pervert for her chubby tummy. It only made sense you'd cling to her warm belly.

"Ugh. You said you were home alone." Mercy sighed, grunting and rocking her body, attempting to get into a standing position. Her legs were numb from hours on the toilet, making it difficult, but not impossible. "Your sister heard you screaming. What did you think was going to happen when I gobbled you up? Hmm? A nice pleasant bath? Maybe jerk off in mein gut and then I let you out? Zat is not how a pred's biology works!" She corrected her glasses as she scolded the gut she couldn't see, but knew was somewhere under those massive tits.

"So then your sisters start screaming for momma and papa, so I have to wrestle them to the ground and start gulping, and by the time your Papa got here I had to pin him to the wall with your sister's legs still hanging out my mouth and all ze DRAMA. I all zat whining about being crushed and not able to breathe under your sisters and the way you begged and sobbed as your mother was pushed ontop of your father and your sister smooshed what was left of you. You were all just dinner at zat point, who cares if you're a little squished?"

Mercy kicked your skull in frustration and you rolled into a dark corner of the bathroom.

Just as well. With her current size she couldn't bend over to pick it up again anyway.

"Hope you are happy." She turned to look at her thick as fuck, plump new curves. Putting a chunky hand into her big ass cheek. Her eyes bulged, her ass was fatter than she thought. "Stupid little prey sluts looking for a quick nut on ze internet. Don't you know I'm a hero? I can't be caught gulping down little perverts like you from online!"

Doctor Zeigler thumped her belly and pouted. So much fucking trouble. So much fat plumping her up.

Then she smiled. Remembering the way you struggled inside her. Getting wet just thinking about how good it felt to masturbate with a big prey filled gut.

"Still. I think you were always supposed to be Mercy food. Ja? You look so good on me." She pat her tummy. And held her head high, as she waddled to the door. Her massive belly, thunder thighs, fat ass and plump tits all bouncing and jiggling with each thundering step. The second floor of your home creaking under her new weight. Mercy grinned, the chub wasn't all bad. She pat her ass, and rubbed her belly. Wondering if anyone would even see her next victim through all that blubber. She kinda liked her rounder face, you know what? Maybe it wasn't so bad. For a moment she considered the doorway approaching her: she was wider, but also softer, she'd have to smoosh her way through a bit. But looking down at her curves they shouldn't be a problem. Heaving one boob then the other through the doorframe, her belly smooshed like a blob pushing it's way through. Beaming, she gave her fat tum a rub, and gave a short triumphant nod, and put one foot forward to head down the hall. To your parents' room perhaps? Mercy found herself hoping your mom had a vibratory somewhere because she suddenly felt much, much bet-

Squthunk.

Mercy nearly tripped and fell flat on her face, her hands caught the sides of the door to steady herself. Her stride halted mid step as something grabbed her about the hips.

Blinking stupidly. Mercy tried to move, her fat sloshed and wobbled as she tried to walk forward, only to rebound and bounce blobbily back into the door frame. Something digging into her waist. She was stuck? Mercy looked back at her fat hips waiting sadly on the inside of the bathroom door, her fat boobs and big belly hanging heavily in the hall. Her big, fat as fuck, massive jiggly, family meal fed booty was stuck in your bathroom doorway.

"Oh ze drama!" She pouted. Mercy frowned and blew a dangling blonde lock of hair out of her face and rolled her eyes. "It never ends!"

[amor-immortalem]

Everything Undesired chapter 8

chapter 7

After a nice night out together with the baby and Asmo tagging along, the pair finally made it home. They hadn’t been gone long- maybe two hours at most- Arella gave Cyrus a bath, fed him, and put him to bed for a few hours. The little guy was exhausted from all the new sensory input, this being the first time he’d left the House of Lamentation for an extended period of time. She grabbed one of the baby monitors and went out to the common room to join Mammon, Asmo, and the rest of the brothers for a short movie night- something they hadn’t done for quite some time.

As she joined them on the couch, she curled up into her boyfriend’s side as she had always done at prior movie nights. He covered them up with a blanket he’d brought from his room as the lights dimmed and the movie began. None of them would be prepared for what they would see in the film- a slasher flick.

About half way through film a very graphic sexual assault occurred with the female lead as the victim. As Levi scrambled for the remote to shut it off, Mammon got up and bolted from the room- the scene far too much for him to handle. Arella followed after the white-haired demon to make sure he didn’t manage to harm himself in his panicked state. Once the tv was off, the brothers looked between each other with horrified expressions.

“The reviews never said anything about that.” Levi said as he pulled the DVD out and returned it to its case. “I should have reviewed it before suggesting it for movie night.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The worst part about dating the fasted demon in the Devildom is that Arella can never keep up with him. She searched the house for Mammon, having lost track of him almost immediately after exiting the common room. It wasn’t until she finally heard a wretching sound that she was able to find hi, currently voiding his stomach of its contents. She reached out to place her hand on his back to let him know she was there- a nearly fatal mistake.

The Avatar of Greed swiped at her in a manner which- had she not had the reflexes of a cat and jumped back in time- would have struck her in the stomach, disemboweling her. Arella was lucky that he only caught her shirt with his claws. She could see the look of panic in his eyes as his demon form appeared, the sweat coating his face, the rapid, heavy breathing, the shaking as he let out a feral growl.

“It’s just me, Love. It’s okay. You’re safe,” Her voice was soft as she tried to bring him back to the present while also managing not to get herself killed in the process. “No one’s going to hurt you... I promise.” She got down to his level, moving forward on shaking limbs. She moved slowly, trying to show the demon she wasn’t a threat to him. “I need you to come back to me, Dear. The threat is gone. You’re not in danger. You’re okay.” She was trying to avoid phrases like ‘you need calm down’, knowing that that was the last thing that should be said to someone having a panic attack.

Mammon’s whole body was tense, she could see it in the way he carried his wings, slightly raised to make himself more intimidating. Slowly, inch by inch, Arella got closer to him until she was able to wrap her arms around him in a tight hug, thinking the pressure might help him regain presence of mind and draw him out of the flashback he was experiencing.

“Take deep breaths with me, okay?” Arella says with trembling words. As close as she is to him, Mammon could do anything right now to harm her and she would be vulnerable to his attack. It’s a risk she knew she needed to take right now. “Breath in... one... two... three... four... out... one... two... three... four... hold... one... two... three... four... You’re doing good. Keep going, Honey.” They repeated the actions over and over, all the while Arella whispered words of praise and positive affirmations.

Eventually she was able to get him back to a state where his demon form dissipated and his breathing was more even. She could still feel his heart beating at a frantic pace, his body still shaking with each breath before he broke down in tears. Arella only rubbed his back and shushed him. She reached over flushed the toilet before helping him up, allowing him to lean against her as they made their way back to his bedroom.

Mammon immediately went to go brush his teeth and rinse his mouth out, the taste of bile still stuck on his tongue. Arella left to go check on Cyrus and collect the forgotten baby monitor from the common room. When she entered her room, she saw Asmodeus holding the child and rocking him in their arms.

“How’s Mammon doing?” their tone was a hushed whisper when they looked up their jaw dropped at seeing the tears in Arella’s shirt. “What happened to your shirt?!”

“He’s doing better now. I just sent him to bed after he gets done brushing his teeth. As far as the shirt goes, I startled your brother by mistake and he took a swing at me with his claws.” Arella sighed as she pulled the shirt off and swapped it for an older one she often used as sleepwear. “How’s the baby doing?”

“He needed a diaper change but I already took care of that for you. He might need another feeding though. My brothers- mainly Levi- are searching the house for Mammon. I’ll let them know he’s safe. That was scary. We had no idea that the movie had that type of scene in it.”

“I believe you, Asmo.” Arella said as she ran a hand through her hair. “I can’t believe they would put a scene that graphic in a movie regardless of its rating. I’ll take him now.”

Asmo only nodded as he handed the infant off to her before pulling their D.D.D. and texting the group chat while Arella sat down on the bed and made herself comfortable while she nursed Cyrus.

“I’m really worried about him, you know?”

Yeah, I am too.” She yawned. “Let this be a reminder to us all that we’re far from out of the woods with your brother. I knew he wasn’t completely over his trauma yet, but I never expected he would have a panic attack tonight.”

The Avatar of Lust would only nod. “Would you mind if I kept Cyrus tonight so you can focus on my brother? I have one of those foldable cribs that we used to use for Satan if we were out and weren’t going to make it back in time for his bed time.”

“That would be lovely, thank you, Asmo. I’ll pump some milk for him after he’s done. You’ll just have to come down and get a bottle when he needs it.”

“Alright I’ll go get things all situated then.” And with that the strawberry blonde demon was off.

Next

Masterlist 2

[tatooedlaura-blog]

End of the Road

post-Redux/Redux 2

... their moments ... from now on ... Our Moments: Chapter 1: Five Words (post-Leonard Betts) Chapter 2: Sidebar Nonsense (post-Memento Mori) Chapter 3: Interim (floating somewhere around Unrequited) Chapter 4: Max 2.0 (post-Tempus Fugit/Max) Chapter 5: Shadowed Grey Eyes Chapter 6: The Warmest Thing I Own Chapter 7: Fancy Paper Napkins ​ Chapter 8: End of the Road (post-Redux/Redux 2)

@today-in-fic

&&&&&&&&&&

He put her through hell the next two weeks and finally, seeing her on the other side of the hospital window, he splintered, leaning forward, unable to breath, overwhelming sorrow manifesting in yelled demands of people who couldn’t answer his pleas.

He thought he was quiet at her bedside that night, the world bearing down on both of them, but as he sobbed into her sheets, he felt her hand drift though his hair, nails lightly scratching scalp, “it might be a little tight, but I think we’ll both fit if we try.”

Mess that he was, he stood, dragged his hands over his face to clear away at least some of the nonsense before disappearing to blow his nose on some toilet paper from the bathroom. Coming back in, he shuffled towards her, whispering, “I snuck in. What if I fall asleep and can’t sneak back out?”

“I’m dying, Mulder. I can do what I want and right now, I want you in here with me.”

Deep breath of acceptance at her now-undeniable retort, he did as ordered, wedging himself behind her, back to front, arm hesitant over her belly, full length curl around her. He could feel her ribs against his forearm, her bony hip under his elbow, sharp shoulder blades pressing his chest, “we need to get you a milkshake.”

“If I could keep one down, I’d send you right now but puking up ice cream will just ruin it.”

“I see your point.” Sniffing latent snot back up his nose, he apologized, then, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Soaking up his warmth like a sponge, “I’m not sleeping that well these days anyway, and …” running off into oblivion, she finished the sentence a moment later, “well, I’d rather spend all the time I can with you, even if it’s at whatever the hell time it is and in a hospital bed.”

“A good cuddle does have its merits.”

That got a smile from her, “thank you.”

“For what?”

This time she found the words she couldn’t after he made her dinner, “for doing all those things that a partner would do; that a husband, a best friend, that family would do.”

Well, that made his heart break for the hundredth time that day, and mouth to neck yet again, his words rustled her hair and vibrated her soul, “well, you are my partner and my best friend, which makes us family and I think I fit the category of work husband so I’ve got all the bases covered.”

Reaching for his hand, she pulled it up to her face, kissing his knuckles before tucking it under her cheek, “we need to talk about a few things.”

“No, we really don’t.”

“Yes, we do. Let me take the fall, please? I need to know you’re okay once I’m gone.”

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

“We can have that argument tomorrow. Right now, just let me enjoy this, all right?”

She heard his mental screams of ‘Stop It!’ and she did, nodding against his hand, “all right but tomorrow, you’re listening to me.”

Wanting to cocoon her, tuck her inside himself, hide her away so the cancer and the fear and the reality of it all couldn’t find her, he hugged her closer, spooned behind her tight, “maybe.” That’s as good as she would get tonight and accepting it, she did her best to forget everything but the moment. A pleasant ‘hmm’ purred out a minute later and, hearing it as well as feeling it against his chest, “what was that for?”

Not realizing she’d made the sound until it was too late, “living in my moment, Mulder.”

“Our moment.”

For half a second, she wanted to cry, “You’re right. Our moment.”

&&&&&&&&&

He was gone when she woke up, the nurse checking on her telling her quietly, “he snuck out about 20 minutes ago.” Seeing her still sleepy look of disappointment, she smiled, “I’ve seen the way he looks at you; he’ll be back.”

Alone a moment later, she tried to work herself into a rage because he left without saying good-bye and without talking to her like she’d asked but, in the end, it was Mulder and she really should have expected it. Returning to her side, facing the door, she shut her eyes, imagining he was still behind her.

&&&&&&&&&&

He appeared the next day, glass vial offering a last-ditch effort in his fight to save her. He watched her argue with her family, fight her doctors, grasp onto a fading hope without which, she would be forced to make him sit, discuss funeral arrangements, ask him to give up while holding her hand.

&&&&&&&&&&

First Skinner left her room, then her brother, then, finally, Maggie, who gave him a hug and told him, without words but the slightest of head nods, that Scully was inside waiting for him. He gave it another minute, still processing, still gripping the bloody picture, still marveling at the news that was, indeed, real.

Opening her door slowly, the first thing he saw was not a smile but her piercing gaze that ranged in interpretation, over the years, from raging irritation to unbridled happiness. Todays was more of a confused relief bordering on reserved elation, “Mom says you’ve been sitting in the hallway.”

“Your mother deserved the first hug.”

“Are you going to be my third?”

“Patience, woman. I give you a hug now, we’ll both be crying for the next hour.” Shooting her his first mischievous grin in months, “I am breaking all kinds of rules still being here. Three people have asked me to leave already.”

She’d been prepared to talk for a few minutes, then go to sleep but suddenly, that wasn’t cutting it anymore, “You want to go for a drive?”

Finally approaching her, he pressed his thighs against the edge of the bed, leaning just enough forward but keeping his hands in his pockets, schoolboy asking a question of his favorite girl, “your place or mine?”

She hadn’t even thought that far ahead in the discussion but now that it was out there, hanging in the air, she gave him a smile, “your place. We haven’t been there in awhile.”

“Luckily I just changed the sheets a few days ago.”

Holding eye contact, swearing for one second she could actually see into his soul, she found herself moving her legs, bumping into Mulder as she sat upright, slid off the bed, “go find me my clothes.”

They didn’t so much sneak from the hospital as walk out, quietly, Scully’s bag in Mulder’s one hand, Mulder’s other on her back, pressed to muscle and bone, fingers loose-gripping the back of her shirt. No one said a word, elevator their immediate destination, anywhere else in the world their quest. The air was balmy, the breeze light, and Scully stopped the moment the automatic doors shut behind her, inhaling deep.

Mulder, nearly knocking her over, suddenly panicked, “what? What’s wrong?”

Her head spun, giddy and light, “just … overwhelmed for a minute.”

“Do you need to go back inside?”

Shaking her head vehemently, “no … no, I just … your place, please.”

“Food first?”

“No. I … that’s too much right now.” Looking up at her partner, suddenly exhausted, “a bed would be nice and some drugs when we get to your place.”

“Home it is, then.” He valeted the car, tucked her inside, and drove away, aiming towards his apartment. She was dozing by the second turn and fully asleep by the time he pulled up to the curb. Crouching beside her open passenger door, hand on thigh, voice low, he began coaxing her in a soft voice reserved for just such occasions, “hey, Scully? Wake up. We’re here and you’ve gotta stay awake long enough to deal with the front steps and the elevator.”

Blinking her eyes open, they rolled around for a moment before focusing, “okay. Don’t let me fall down.”

“Never.”

He wanted to laugh at her swaying walk, likening it to her drunken trek a year ago at her mother’s surprise birthday party. Not saying that aloud, however, he steered her to his door then inside.

He set her bag down, then took her coat, hanging it before heading toward the kitchen for a glass of water so she could take her meds and lay down. Asking over his shoulder what type of pain killer she wanted, he glanced back when she didn’t answer. Finding her still rooted to her spot beside the hat rack, he stopped, took in the tears already rolling, then held out his hand, waving her towards him, “come here.” She did, shuffling, leaving shoes behind and walking into him, the collision backing him up a few steps. Accepting the momentum, he continued moving, sitting down on the arm of the couch, level with her now, arms tight around her neck, her face hidden in his shirt, “what’s wrong?”

“It can’t be real, Mulder. It can’t. It shouldn’t have worked.”

“But it did. You saw the scans.”

“But what if I go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow and it’s back?”

Shifting her away, he settled hands on cheeks, thumbs against eyebrows, painting over them lightly, absently, as he tilted her head to meet her tear-y gaze, “it won’t be but if it is, but it won’t be, we will figure it out … together … all right? We got here once and we can do it again … but we won’t have to, so don’t worry about it.”

Her hands were around his wrists, “I think you just gave me a headache.”

“I’ve been giving you headaches for four years now. What’s new?”

“This.” Leaning in, she kissed him, barely brushing his lips but setting his world on fire in the process, “I’ve got, to sound trite, a new lease on life and I’m not wasting it.” Kissing him again, before swaying dangerously to one side, “but I am going to ask that we sleep through a little bit of it because if I don’t lay down soon, I’m going to end up on your floor.”

He wiped the few remaining tears from her cheeks before he kissed her back, light but claiming, “do you mind some company?”

“I have never minded your company.” Yawning, she turned white, an immediate sweat beading on her upper lip, “but I need to lay down … now.”

Walking her to the bed, he gave her a shirt and some shorts, some drugs and a glass of water, then, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Returning with a second blanket, he found her curled, body imprint stamped on ‘her’ side of the bed forevermore. His giddiness in the moment nearly made him laugh but containing it, he settled beside her, spare blanket at their feet. His hand went to her forehead, thumb in gentle circles between her eyebrows.

It was gone.

He had her back.

And he wasn’t going to waste a minute of the time they had left.

Which was a lot longer than they’d had mere hours earlier.

He didn’t fall asleep for hours.

Watching her breathe.

&&&&&&&&&&

Neither should have been awake but when Mulder opened his eyes, he found himself staring at an empty pillow and equally empty bed. Squinting towards the dawn-grey living room and the darkened bathroom, he looked over his shoulder, finding his target standing by the open window, leaning on the frame.

Rolling over, he tucked the pillow under his head, yawning, then watching her for a minute before she felt his eyes on her and turned towards him, quiet.

His mind was open and slow, filters off, walls down, and in that very moment, the only thing he had left in the world to say was “I love you.”

Her slow spreading smile lit up the darkening room, thunder rumbling as a storm moved in. It stopped just shy of a full-on grin, then dropped back to slightly upturn lip curl, sigh deep, eyes closing for a moment to collect the proper words from the universe, before sending them drifting across to him slow and steady, “and I … finally have the time … to love you back.”

Mulder’s smile spread at the same speed hers did, pushing into the pillow, squashing face glowing, “is this another one of our moments?”

“They are all our moments from now on, Mulder. All of them.”

[mudhorn-djarin19]

The Unexpected - (Agent Whiskey x f!reader)

Summary: After you and Jack have a break up you realize you are pregnant with is child. What now? (Came to me cause we know Jack lost his child and sweetheart canonically. He loved them and deff seems like he would still want a wife/kids someday. So what if he finally gets it... but :X) Rating: Teen Warnings: unplanned pregnancy, mentions of abortion, and language Masterlist Join my tag list via here! You sigh as you make your way to Champs office with papers in hand. You didn’t want to have to transfer partners but it was necessary. You couldn’t work with Jack now that you had broken up. The two of you ended on fairly decent terms but there was still awkwardness and tension there. Approaching Champ’s door you knock waiting for his response. Once given confirmation you enter and sit in one of the big leather chairs in front of his desk.

“What can I do for you today Agent Sangria?” He says with a smile.

You place the papers on his desk and slide them his way. “I’m putting in a partner change request. Agent Whiskey and I as you know where an item and we are no longer. It would be awkward to continue to work with him.” Champ takes the papers with a frown. Looking over them he sighs. “Well I hate to see that my two best agents won’t be working together anymore but I understand. I will transfer you to work with Tequila from now on if that’s okay with you.” You nod, giving confirmation that Tequila was fine. You sign the papers needed for confirmation of partner change and thank Champ for his understanding. Heading out of his office you bump into no other than Agent Whiskey himself.

“Oh sorry da-... sorry.” He says, moving to the side to let you by.

“It’s fine.” You say quickly and continue on your way down to the cafeteria to meet Ginger for lunch. Not continuing the conversation much longer.

You make your way into the cafeteria, grabbing some food and then finding Ginger at a table in the far back corner. “Hey.” She says with a lighthearted smile. “Doing okay?” “Yeah. I’m managing.” You sigh. “I just put in my transfer request with Champ. Thankfully he understood and I’ll be working with Tequila from now on.” Ginger gently rubs your back, knowing your sadness. “I know it makes you sad. The breakup, having to do all this but things will be okay. Tequila’s at least a good agent. He’s nice and funny.” She says.

“Yeah I know he is. I am glad to be getting partnered with him.” You sigh. “I just hate this. If Jack and I didn’t get into the stupid argument about life I wouldn’t be here right now.” “Want to talk about it?” Ginger frowns. She knew you broke up last month but hadn’t heard the full story yet. 

“Jack and I got into an argument over the stupidest thing. I was discussing the next steps for us. Like moving in together, possibly marriage and even kids at some point far down the line. But he got all tense and acted like he didn’t want that. It hurt. I thought he loved me… I mean we were together for 2 and a half years.” You sigh, keeping your tears in check. “I wanted to create a picture perfect life with him.” 

“I’m sorry hun. You’ll find someone who wants to do that with you I am sure. He’ll realize his mistakes then.” She comforts. “I know I will but it’s going to be a while. There’s too much pain there. I’m still in love with him. It hurt to call it quits but I had to.” You say.

Ginger continues to console you throughout your meal, ensuring you all will be good within time. The next week goes by with ease until one morning you wake up feeling sick. You run to the toilet and throw up. You groan fearing you have come down with a stomach bug until it hits you… your period hasn’t come in over a month. “Shit shit shit.” You swear pacing around your bathroom in fear. You work at calming yourself down. Thankfully it was your day off from work so you could take the day to go get some tests and relax. Once you ate and got to feeling a bit better you ran to the nearby store and bought 4 different tests. You sigh and pee on them all as told. Placing them all on the counter when finished you set the timer for the designated wait time. It feels like ages until the timer goes off. You whine at the thought of looking at them but know you have to. You slowly walk over and look at them and see that all 4 have 2 lines clear as the day showing. Tears immediately fill your eyes as you drop down onto the floor. Clutching your chest you sob realizing you are pregnant with none other than Jack’s child. Sure you knew it was a risk when you had unprotected sex but you never figured it would have happened with you being on the pill. It must have gotten messed up somehow. You continue to sob trying to rack your mind around what is happening. What do you do? Do you keep it? Of course you do, you thought. You always wanted kids. Do you tell Jack? If you did, would he be mad? And if you don’t would he notice and figure out it’s his or assume it’s someone else's and you were cheating on him. You groan and pick up your phone, calling Ginger. 

“Hello? It’s your day off shouldn’t you be-” She says but stops when she hears your sobs. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” “Ginger I…” You gulp. “Ginger I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do.” “Woah holy shit…  Okay first off. Do you know whose it is?” She asks, already figuring the answer but wanting to confirm.

“Yes of course. It’s Jack’s. Who else's would it be?” You groan. “What do I do? I’m scared to tell him but I don’t know how to hide it from him. I want to keep it though.” She is silent for a minute minus her humming while she thinks. “Well he’s going to find out at some point. But in the meantime, we can see about maybe transferring you to be a tech agent. You definitely don’t want to be on the field if you are carrying a baby. Plus if you’re a tech agent you won’t have to be around Jack much.” She assures.

“Y-yeah. I guess that could work. Shit. I hate to make Champ put in another change for me. But surely he’ll understand. Poor Tequila though now he has to yet again find a new partner.” You frown. “He’ll be fine. Don’t stress. Champ will surely understand. Give him a call today to get it in motion while you're out. I got to get back to work now but if you need anything else don’t hesitate to call me. I’m here for you.” She says before saying her goodbyes and hanging up.

You sigh and immediately call Champ once hang up from your call with Ginger.

“Hey Champ, I hate to do this but I need to put in another transfer.” You sigh.

“Is everything okay? I thought you said working with Tequila would be okay.” She says.

“No no it is. It’s just… I can’t do field work for a while.” You gulp. “I just discovered a few minutes ago that I’m pregnant.” “O-Oh. Well…” Champ says unsure what to say. “Understandable. I can transfer you to tech agent or medical for the time being. Whichever you prefer.” “I’d like to be tech agent. I- It’s obviously Jack’s and  don’t want him to find out about this quiet yet. Not after what went down between us. He won’t be around me much if at all if I am assigned there.” You say.

“Okay. I will put in your paperwork today and you can start work in tech tomorrow first thing.” He states. “If you need anything else or any help you know where to reach me.” He says before ending the call.

Three months passed since you discovered you were pregnant making you now at four months and you were definitely starting to show some. You were enjoying your job change as a tech agent but wouldn’t lie about missing the action and being able to travel as an agent. Ginger had been kind and helped you out with anything you needed. Such as helping you shop for some supplies, going to doctors appointments for support and just being there for you emotionally through it all. She was truly the bestest friend you could ever ask for. By now practically everyone who you worked with closely knew you were pregnant but thankfully no one said anything to Jack, and you were still able to avoid him. You only had a few more months to push through and they were surely going to be the roughest but you’d manage. You still worried about what you’d do if Jack found out but that was a problem for that day.

Another two months passed and you were very much showing now at six months. It was hard to hide it and the pain was getting stronger. The baby was kicking a lot now. The day was going fine as you went over some reports from Tequila’s last mission you did tech for him until Ginger swore under her breath and hopped up from her seat.

“What’s going on?” You asked, turning in your chair to face her. She was heading towards the door when she stopped and looked at you. “I need to go to medical. We have an incoming emergency from the mission I was just working on.” You looked at her and processed what she was saying until you finally remembered that her last mission she teched on was Jack’s. “Wh-what happened?” “Hun, stay here and relax. I am sure he’s okay. I will explain later.” She says, quickly escaping. You frowned and looked down at your shaking hands. It may have been months since you two had broken up but your love for him was still there and you were worried he was seriously injured. What if he was? Would he recover? You worked at relaxing your mind. Ginger will tell you everything soon you assure yourself. You sigh and turn yourself back to your report to try and focus your mind.

A few hours passed when Ginger finally returned. “He’s okay. He’s tired and sore, got a few stitches and bandages but he’s alive. If you’d want to go see him you can.”

You thanked her and made your way down to the medical wing. You sighed and rubbed your belly, knowing now that you were going to see him he’d notice and you’d have to explain. The elevator dinged and you stepped off into the medical facility. You checked with the main nurse on what room Jack was in before heading that way.  You gently knocked on the door before entering and sitting down on the chair next to his bed. He was asleep, probably from medication that Ginger had given him. You reached out and gently grabbed a hold of his hand. That small gesture must have woken him because his light snores stopped and he slowly turned his head to look at you. “Hey. What’re you doing here?” He questions, voice raspy. He coughs then, explaining why his voice is like that.

“Hey. Um Ginger told me you got hurt on the mission. I just wanted to come and see if you were okay.” You said, still holding his hand.

“Oh.” He coughs. “Yeah I’m okay. She fixed me up. Just got caught in some crossfire. Got a few shots in me but all good now.” You nod and lightly smile. You hold his gaze for a bit until he works at sitting himself up. When he does he looks down and sees your belly. His gaze turns from soft to dark then, a glare across his eyes.

“I see you move on fast.” He grumbles.

“I haven’t… It’s-” You start to say.

“Oh? So then what?” He glares at you.

“No Jack.” You sigh. “I-it’s yours.” His glare softens as his eyes widen, mouth opening slightly. “I-I… what?” “It’s yours Jack. There’s no one else's it could be. You’re the only person I have been with in years. I realized not long after we broke up.” You frown and look down. “It’s why I transferred from being an agent. For the safety of us both.” Jack’s eyes are still wide as he takes this all in. “Why did you keep this from me?” He frowns.

“Why would I tell you? I figured you’d be angry or something. We broke up because we couldn’t agree on our future, remember? I wanted to create a future with you. Like this but, you acted as if you didn’t want such a thing and it hurt me. I knew from the moment I found out I was keeping it, I’ve always wanted kids of my own and I finally have one. I won’t ask you to be in the picture or pay for child support if you don’t want to.” Jack’s frown deepens and he shifts to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching a hand out to touch your belly. “Sugar, I am so sorry. I should have explained myself better months ago but, I just didn’t know how. I was scared. I still am, but I want this.” You looked at him confused.

“I want a future with you sugar. I want to marry you someday, have a little family and such. It’s all I ever wanted too. I am just scared to lose it all again after what happened in my past. It took me by surprise. I wasn’t sure how to react. I am so so sorry for not explaining myself sooner.” He states.

You lift your hand up to place over his on your belly. “So…” You start to say.

He nods. “Darlin’ I never wanted us to call it quits. I want you and only you. Well, I want you and this new bundle of joy we have now.” He smiles lightly.

Tears start to fill your eyes as you listen to his words. “I-I’m sorry. For getting so mad, not letting you explain and calling it off. I’m really sorry. I’ve spent the last few months feeling miserable. I missed you… I never stopped loving you.” You sob.

Jack leans forward and wraps his arms around you, pulling you as close to him as he can. “It’s okay. I am sorry too. I’m not going anywhere now though. I am staying right here with you and this little one. Okay?” You nod. “Yes, please. I want you to stay and be with us.” “I will. I promise.” He kisses your forehead. “Now, what are we having?” “A little girl. She’s due in 3 months.” You smile.

Jack’s eyes light up. “Did you pick a name for her yet?”

You shake your head. “No. I wanted you to pick it honestly.”

He hums in thought. “What about Elizabeth? It was my mother’s name.”

“I love it.” You smile.

3 months later when the baby finally came Jack was there through it all as he promised. You smiled at your now fiance. He had popped the question to you finally not too long ago and you both were finally living together. You smiled at each other as you handed him the baby. Tears fell from both of your eyes as you were both happy and where you wanted to be in life. Together with each other.

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@sarahjkl82-blog @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @blackberries45

[typical-simplelove]

It's the Memories - 40s Series (J. Oleksiak)

Summary: On your and Jamie's wedding anniversary, you both recount the love story you both had throughout the war.

Series Masterlist

A/n: Here's the next part! This one took a bit of time, but I hope you enjoy it! This one exists in the same universe as the Roope fic from earlier in the series (yes, I know they're both reader inserts, but oh well!) Let me know what you thought!

Warnings: Mentions of war, doctors appointments

Word Count: 9.1k

Note: Italics are flashbacks.

“You know,” Alissa, your eldest daughter states. “We don’t really know you guys’ love story. We know that you met during the war but nothing else.”

“In the spirit of celebrating your wedding anniversary, what if you shared?” Dawson, Alissa’s husband states.

You look at Jamie. “What do you think?”

“That’s a lovely idea,” Jamie says. “I guess we start at the beginning, then.”

“How did you first meet?” Clara, your granddaughter asks.

“That’s a difficult question, Clara,” Jamies says, and you begin to shake your head. “What? It is.”

“I’m confused,” Alissa says.

“Your father has a memory of meeting me before I remember meeting him,” you explain.

“Really, dad?” Alissa asks. “Mum has an amazing memory; I think she’d know if she met you before.”

“Why would I forget meeting the most beautiful woman in the world?”

“He’s making things up,” you say. “But thank you for the compliment. You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever met.”

“Really? Some of the soldiers in my unit were quite studs. Like, Roope? If he didn’t have a girl back home, I think I’d be slightly scared of you want him.”

“But I married you,” you remind him.

“Right, that you did.”

“Dad, why don’t you tell your version of meeting mom, and then, mom, you go,” Brandon, your son suggests.

“Jame, you go,” you tell your husband.

“Well, we were on the USS Harmon heading for England, and your mom was a Red Cross nurse.

When you signed up to be at the Red Cross, you were expecting to help in the Texas Area, not in England. However, you jumped at the chance to help the troops overseas as a nurse. That’s how you ended up on the USS Harmon. Not an easy trip, you found it incredibly difficult to be on the ship. You were incredibly seasick and were in constant need of a toilet or bag.

Tonight was no exception. One of the other Red Cross ladies said that going outside would be good for you to do to settle your stomach. Yeah, as you were standing outside, you didn’t think it was working. You were cold, and your stomach was so queasy you weren’t sure if you’d make it through the rest of the trip.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” a soldier asks.

“I mean, technically, no,” you answer.

“May I ask what’s wrong?”

“I’m quite chilly, and I’m incredibly nauseous. I’m afraid I’m going to throw up.”

“Here,” he tells you as he shrugs off his jacket. “Take my jacket; you look like you need it more than I do.”

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. I’ll probably head inside soon.”

“Well, here’s a bag that I always have on me. I don’t get queasy often, so you can have my bag.”

You take the bag out of his hand. “Thank you. I’m going to head inside now. Again, thank you.”

“Of course, have a goodnight, ma’am.”

“Goodnight.”

Despite the dim moonlight, Jamie knew you were the most beautiful woman ever.

“You really thought grandma was the most beautiful woman in the world?” Clara asks.

“I did, and she still is,” Jamie answers.

“For everyone’s information, I don’t remember that,” you say. “Also, you never got my name so who are you to remember that it was me.”

“You greatly underestimate my love for you,” Jamie says.

“I don’t think so.”

“Mom, you go,” Alissa directs.

“Sure, well, we met after we’ve already landed on land.”

“Oh, thank goodness, we’ve made it,” Elizabeth says. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it.”

“I was ready to hurl myself off of the boat,” you say. You were glad that you’ve landed; you weren’t sure what you’d be able to do if you had to go another day on that boat.

“Well, let’s go find the rest of the Red Cross ladies, so we can head to our base,” Clara says.

The three of you head off towards the signs that say “Red Cross”. On your way, though, you trip and fall. Luckily, though, someone catches you just before you’d hit the ground.

“Oh, thank you, sir,” you say. You look up and see the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen.

“Oh course, ma’am,” he says to you. He sets you up, and you catch a light tint of red on his cheeks. “Lieutenant Jamie Olesiak.”

“Red Cross Nurse, Yn Yln. Nice to meet you.”

A weird look crosses Jamie’s face. “Yeah, nice to meet you, too,” he says. You couldn’t quite tell what Jamie’s expression was.

“I have to go, but it was nice to meet you,” you tell him with a smile. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“See you around,” Jamie says and watches you walk away. There’s a soft smile resting on his face. He knew that you were going to be a vital part of his life.

“You are already so whipped for her,” Tyler says, clapping Jamie on the shoulder. “This is going to be interesting.”

That was true, Jamie was indeed quite whipped for you.

“Your dad had a weird look on his face, and I still can’t quite tell you why,” you say after recounting the story.

“I probably had a weird look on my face because I already remember meeting you,” Jamie recounts.

“Sure, sure,” you say. “I’m not saying that I met you, but you should know better than anyone that when I get sick, I get tunnel vision and forget everything.”

“So you’re telling me that there’s a chance that we’ve met?”

You smile. “There is a chance, but I guess we’ll never know.”

“Grandma, tell us about the next time you saw Grandpa again,” Clara asks eagerly.

“Well, it was at a pub about a month later,” you begin. “It was a day off for both of us, and we happened to run into each other.”

You followed Elizabeth into the hole-in-the-wall pub that she said was amazing. She went on a date the previous week at this place and ate here. She insisted that she absolutely had to take you. You both take a seat at a table and look at the menu.

“Ms. Yln?” someone says from the table to your right. You slightly swivel your head to see who it is.

“Lieutenant Oleksiak,” you say with a smile. Your simple smile was enough to set Jamie’s heart rate through the roof. How is that possible? “How are you?”

“Better now that you’re here,” Jamie says with a flirty edge in his voice.

You raise your eyebrows. “Is that so? Aren’t you smooth?”

“I have to try for a pretty girl to remember me.”

“Pretty girl, huh?” you repeat.

“That’s a bit of an understatement because you are so beautiful.”

You feel the heat rush to your face. Jamie really knew how to flatter you. You were about to say something when someone at Jamie’s table cleared his throat. “I’ll let you get back to your table and company,” you say. “It was nice to see you again.”

Jamie looks at you with a soft smile before returning back to his table.

“So, Jamie?” Elizabeth asks. “He’s cute.”

You nod.

“Maybe you should ask him out or something.”

“No, no,” you say and drop your voice. “I can’t have anything distracting me while I help nurse these soldiers back to life.”

“Why are we whispering?” Elizabeth loudly whispers. Jamie glances at you from the corner of his eyes and softly chuckles. This was why you wanted to whisper, so Jamie couldn’t hear you. Despite you finding Jamie incredibly attractive, you didn’t want to lead into his advances knowing he could distract you from your ultimate goal.

You glare at Elizabeth, and you hear Jamie chuckle again.

“Oh, that’s why we’re whispering,” Elizabeth says in a whisper this time.

You sigh and shake your head. “Let’s just eat.”

“Grandpa, did you hear their conversation?” Clara asks cheekily.

Jamie nods. “I did indeed. It pained me just a little bit knowing Grandma didn’t want to date me, but I knew she’d fall for me eventually.”

You shake your head playfully. “You never lost that cockiness, did you?”

“May I remind you that you married me and knew exactly what you were getting yourself into all those years ago?”

“That I did.”

“How long did it take for you to finally go on a date with dad?” Alissa asks.

“It took me scheming with her friends for us to finally go on a date,” Jamie answers.

“How long was that?”

“Almost a year.”

“A whole year?” everyone gasps.

“In my defense, it wasn’t like we saw each other every day. For the first twelve months, we probably only saw each other once a month.”

“Tells us about that,” Sawyer, your four-year-old grandson says.

“If you insist,” Jamie says and throws a wink. Despite being together for years and years, he still had the ability to make you flustered and bring heat to your face with just a simple wink.

July 1942

“We have boxes and supplies for the nurses,” Jamie says to the woman sitting at the front of the nurses' offices.

“Perfect,” she says. “You can just bring it to the back for Ms. Yln. She’s in the last room on the right.”

At the sound of your last name, Jamie smiles. “Yn?”

“Oh right, you’re Jamie, right?” the woman says. “Elizabeth was telling us about the soldier who’s quite keen about her.”

“Keen is an understatement,” Tyler says from behind Jamie. “We just go down the hall?”

The woman nods. “Yes, that exactly.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, but what’s your name?” Tyler asks.

“Kate,” she responds.

“Kate, I’m Tyler,” he says with a smile. “I guess I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you around,” Kate responds, and Tyler and Jamie head down the hall.

The boys walk down the hall, and Jamie knocks on the door that you’re standing in. At the sound of a knock, you turn around and lookup.

“Ms, Yln, we bring supplies,” Jamie says with a smile that ignites the butterflies in your stomach.

“That’s perfect, thank you,” you say. “You can leave them on the table over there, and I’ll put them away.”

“I’m going to head back to the truck and grab the final few boxes,” Tyler says. “You can stay here and help her begin putting them away.”

Jamie nods. He’d do anything to spend more time around you. “How can I help?” he asks.

“Just put the supplies where the labels match,” you tell him.

“That makes sense,” Jamie says in a tone that makes you giggle. Hearing you giggle, Jamie looks at you and thinks he’s fallen for your more.

After about five minutes of placing bandages and supplies away, Jamie finally decides to open his mouth to say something. “Are you doing anything this Friday?” he asks.

“Oh, I think Elizabeth wants to take me and Kate to this pub that she’s been to and that she says is amazing,” you say oblivious to the true intentions behind Jamie’s words.

“Oh,” Jamie says deflatedly. He wasn’t sure what answer he was looking for, but it wasn’t that.

“May I ask why you wanted to know?” you ask with a smile on your face looking up at Jamie.

He meets your eyes. You could give him that smile every time, and he knew you could get away with anything. (You got away with everything to this day with that smile.) “Oh, I was just asking.”

You widen your smile. “Why were you just asking?”

“No reason.”

“No reason?” you ask in a voice that Jamie knows that he can’t resist.

“I wanted to ask to see if I could take you out for dinner,” Jamie replies in a voice that was a cross between a mumble and a whisper.

“Oh,” you say; however, your voice was very low. Jamie only knew what you were saying because of the shape of your mouth. “Maybe another time?” you suggest.

Jamie’s mood does a three-sixty and smiles. “Yeah! Another time.”

You were going to say something else, but you could hear Tyler approaching the room you were currently in. “This is the last of them,” Tyler says.

You nod. “Thank you so much for this. Um, see you around?”

Jamie smiles at you. “See you around, definitely.”

August 1942

“If it isn’t the elusive Ms. Yn Yln, the Red Cross’ finest nurse,” Tyler says as he walks into the medical examination room. Once a month, the pilots had to come in for a check-up to make sure that the altitude changes weren’t causing them to get sick. Today, you were making those checkups. It also happened to be that you were going to be examining Jamie’s unit.

“How am I elusive, Mr. Seguin?” you say with a chuckle.

“You drive Jamie crazy after he sees you for all of five minutes. Your smile or laugh or whatever makes him go crazy, and then he doesn’t see you again for a while. Just when he’s about to kind of get over you, there’s an opportunity for him to see you again and make him go crazy about you again.”

“Oh.”

“He’s head over heels for you, so I’m asking you to be nice to him, please,” Tyler says.

You nod. “Let’s get started on this examination.”

You finish the examination in twenty minutes, and you deem Tyler healthy. You excuse Tyler and tell him to send in the next soldier.

“Guess who’s conducting our examinations today?” Tyler says to the men in front of him. “Yn Yln.”

Jamie blushes at the mere sound of your name.

“This the girl that Jamie is in love with?” Miro asks.

“Yup,” Tyler says, putting an emphasis on the p.

“I’m not in love with her,” Jamie grumbles with a smile on his face.

“No, no, you are,” Tyler insists. “You have the same look on your face that Roope has whenever he gets a letter from his girl back home.”

Roope was about to contradict Tyler’s comment, but you walk out before he can say anything. “Tyler, you were supposed to the next person back.”

“Yn,” Jamie says and immediately stands up.

“Jamie, you’re next?” you ask with a smile. Jamie nods enthusiastically, and you laugh in response. “Follow me.”

Jamie follows you into the examination room with a blush lining his cheeks. “I never got the chance to take you out for dinner,” he says.

You turn to face Jamie. “In my defense, I don’t really know how to reach you, but you do.”

“So, this is my fault?” Jamie says with a raised eyebrow.

“I mean, just a little bit,” you say teasingly.

“Can I at least get a redo? A chance to take you out?”

You nod. “Sure, you can take me out.”

“I can’t wait,” Jamie says and flashes you a smile that makes your heart beat faster.

“Why don’t we conduct your examination first to make sure you’re healthy enough to even take me out, yeah?”

“What?” Jamie says, and his face pales. There’s a chance he might not be healthy enough?

“Don’t worry,” you say with a light chuckle. “You were able to walk in here fine, so I think you’re going to be just fine.”

“Oh,” Jamie says relieved. Turns out, he was fine. Jamie left the examination room walking on clouds knowing that he would finally get the chance to take you out.

“You’re telling me that mum didn’t go out with you the first time you asked her out?” Alissa asks.

“She did not,” Jamie answers. “Your mum strung me along thinking I had a chance with a beautiful woman.”

“I did not,” you say. “In my defense, I had a job to do, and I didn’t want it to get in the way. Also, I really didn’t have any way to contact you.”

“But, you guys are here now, so it doesn’t really matter,” Clara says. “Grandpa, continue telling

me the story.”

September 1942

It was a Sunday afternoon, and you had the day off. To take advantage of the day off and the nice weather, you, Kate, and Elizabeth decided to head into the town to go for a walk and grab dinner later that evening. You were walking on the path that was adjacent to the duck pond. The three of you were talking about the recent film Kate saw when she went on a date (not with Tyler, he also had yet to follow up on the date he wanted to have). You wanted to stop for a moment to observe the view. So you told the girls to continue ahead, and you’d catch up with them later.

“Isn’t this weird?” a deep voice says next to you. “Maybe the universe wants to tell us that we should finally go out on a date.”

You turn to the voice and smile. “Hello, Jamie.”

“Yn, how are you?”

“I’m doing well, and you?”

“Could be better, but oh well.”

“How so?” you ask.

Jamie looks at you and smiles. “You could finally let me take you out.”

“That’s what’s causing your so-called foul mood?” you tease. You were going to let him take you out one day; however, you weren’t going to go after him. You were going to stick to your proclamation that you didn’t want to get involved with anyone because it might make it difficult to do your job. You weren’t going to go out of your way to look for him, but you also weren’t going to avoid him. If Jamie happened to stop by and see you to confirm a time and place for this date, then, yes, you’d go out with him.

“It is,” he says. “You keep saying that you’ll go out with me, but we never end up going out. I wonder why that is.”

“I, for one, don’t know where to go to find you,” you say in defense.

“So, this is my fault?”

“It kind of is your fault,” Brandon says to Jamie. “From what I can tell, mom didn’t have any way to get in contact with you or see you, but you did.”

“Wow, traitors,” Jamie says feigning hurt. “Your mother did just admit it, though, that she wasn’t outright going out of her way to try to make this date happen.”

“That’s on you, mom,” Alissa says. “Dad, though, I think it’s mostly you to blame. As far as I can tell, you were holding on to each encounter with mom. On the other hand, mom was totally fine with what she could get from you.”

“See?” you say to your husband. “It kind of is your fault.”

“Just continue the story,” Sawyer whines.

“Okay, okay,” Jamie says and continues.

“I mean, I’m a very busy person, and, as I’ve said, I don’t know how or where to find you,” you say. “However, you know exactly where to find me, yet you never come to try to set up this date.”

Jamie looks at you and smiles. He knew he was falling for you hard because he immediately agreed with you. You could have said that the earth was flat (it’s not, very much round), and he’d believe you. Jamie was falling for you, hard, and he needed to figure out a way for you to either feel the same way or find a way for him to get over you. One thing that Jamie was that he wanted to marry you one day. You had the energy, spunk, and wit that he knew he wanted his future wife to have. On top of that, you were so beautiful that he didn’t have to worry about what your children would like because as long as they got your looks, they were set for life. “Well, then, how about next Friday? I’ll pick you up at the nurses’ station where you are at 6, and I’ll take you out for dinner.”

“I’d like that a lot,” you tell Jamie.

As the days got closer to Friday, your smile somehow got wider and wider. You didn’t know if it was possible, but you were floating on clouds by the time noon rolled around on Friday. You were sitting in the common area of the nurses' station on your break when Jamie walked in with a sad expression on his face. “I didn’t realize it was already 6,” you say trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, my bad,” Jamie says, but his facial expression has yet to change. “Yn, I’m sorry. We have a last-minute mission to fly tonight, and I can’t leave the base.”

“Oh,” you say softly. You look up at Jamie and see how sad he looks. You knew that you had to be positive for him so that he doesn’t get distracted as he flies tonight. “Hey, don’t worry about it.”

“Really?” Jamie says, and his eyes perk up.

“Yeah! I mean, we are in wartime, so there are going to be some hiccups of things that need to take precedent. We’ll have that date eventually, don’t worry.”

Jamie nods and a smile developed on his face. “Okay, if you’re sure. I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” you tell him. So, you and Jamie weren’t going to get that date. Despite you trying to act nonchalant about him and the date, you deep down were disappointed. You knew that you shouldn’t be this disappointed, but you still were. You knew that if you didn’t stop yourself that you’d be halfway to loving him by the end of the month.

October 1942

Despite already having one date already planned, you hadn’t seen Jamie in almost a month. It seemed to be a theme between the two of you. You understood, however, that it happened. After all, you and Jamie were both working during wartime. That didn’t mean you didn’t miss him, though.

On this particular Saturday in October, Kate wanted to go to the cinema with you and Elizabeth to enjoy the last few days of warm weather. So, at 6pm, you, Elizabeth, and Kate left base and headed off to the cinema. Before going to the movie, the three of you decided to go and grab dinner first. There was a pub not far from the cinema, so that’s where the three of you went.

“I’m sorry, we currently don’t have many open tables that are clean,” the hostess says. “Do you mind waiting a few minutes?”

“Of course, no problem,” you told the hostess and went to find the other girls. You went in to try to get a table first. When you find Elizabeth and Kate, you notice that they’re talking to a group of American soldiers. Interesting, you wondered who they were.

“Yn, look who we ran into?” Kate says excitedly. You scan the group and smile. Of course. Who else would it be except for Jamie, Tyler, Esa, Roope, Miro, and Jason?

“Well, look who it is,” Tyler says. “Miss breaks Jamie’s poor heart.”

Jamie elbows Tyler in the ribs and turns to you. “Ignore him.”

“Hi, Jamie,” you say. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that by the way.”

“Don’t worry, truly. We’re both busy.”

Jamie looks at you with a curious eye. “Sure, but I feel like if we were able to have our date, then we’d be seeing each other more often.”

“Is that so?” you ask. “You could have come to me.”

Jamie laughs and shakes his head. “I guess as long as you have no way of reaching me, then it will be my fault?”

“Uh-huh,” you say with a smile.

“Whatever can I do to make it up to you?” Jamie asks.

“You can join us for dinner and head to the cinema with us,” Kate pipes in.

Jamie looks at you with a raised eyebrow. “Did you want me to come?”

“If you would like, but I’m not sure if there’s going to be enough room at your table for everyone,” you say.

“Don’t worry, Kate and I will do our own thing,” Tyler says and winks at Kate.

“Why don’t I go in and see if they can accommodate all of us?” you suggest. “I’ll imply we’re going to be tipping very, very well.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jamie offers. This man was way too sweet.

“Thank you,” you tell him and lead him towards the door. “Thank you,” you say again as Jamie holds the door open for you. “Thank you,” you say once again as Jamie helps you steer through the crowds.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me, you know,” Jamie says.

You feel the heat rush to your face. “Maybe then you shouldn’t keep doing things that result in me thanking you.”

“Noted,” Jamie says. He didn’t say it in any different or notable way. However, the way he said it brought warmth rushing to your face and made your heart flutter. You wanted to further contemplate these thoughts, but, thankfully, you and Jamie walked up to the hostess’s podium.

“Would it be possible to accommodate six more people?” you ask. The hostess tells you to give her a moment to check. When she returns, she tells you that it’s possible and that a table can be ready in just a few moments. “Why don’t I go out and tell the rest of our group that the table will be ready and that they should come in.”

“No, no, I don’t think so,” Jamie says protectively. “I’m not letting you go out there alone with drunk soldiers walking around this place. I’ll go.”

Your heart warms at his words. “You’re going to let me stay here by myself, then?”

Jamie looks at you. “You got me there, but no. I think it’s better here, so I’ll go get them, okay? Don’t go anywhere. Don’t move.”

You nod. “Yes, sir,” you say and mock salute. Jamie just smiles at you and shakes his head. As he’s walking away, he turns back around and glances at you. You take a small step to your left as a joke, and Jamie just widens his grin. You’d do anything to get a smile like that out of him.

He returns with the rest of the group in just a few moments, and you’re all heading to your table almost immediately. Jamie falls in step with you and leans his head down to whisper in your ear. “I thought I asked you not to move.”

You look up at the man next to you. “Sure,” you say. “May I ask why it truly matters?”

“I was worried about you,” he says softly.

You look up at him and grab his hand. You intertwine your fingers with his and squeeze his hand. “May I ask why?”

“No reason,” Jamie says, but you know there is a reason. You wanted to question why he refused to tell you the reason, but you opted that it was better to do it another time.

“Grandpa, what was the reason?” Clara asks.

Jamie looks at you. “I guess you’ll finally find out.”

“I guess I will,” you reply. “What was the reason?”

“I love you. Well, I loved you.”

“I know you love me, but why were you worried about me?”

“Because I loved you,” Jamie repeats. When he notices that you don’t quite understand what he’s referencing, he decides to explain. “I loved you and never stopped worrying about you. I didn’t want you to leave because I didn’t know if you’d disappear from my life again.”

“Why would I disappear from your life again?” you ask puzzled.

“I was in love with you, and it seemed that I only saw you once or twice a month. I didn’t like that.”

“Oh,” you say. “I hope that me taking a step about an inch to the left didn’t give you a heart attack.”

“No, but you holding my hand did,” Jamie says. “Clara, did you know that Uncle Tyler made fun of me for almost three weeks because of grandma holding my hand?”

“Really?” Clara says through giggles.

Jamie nods. “Yes, he did. Almost every day after that, I would bring it up, or I’d drift thinking about it. Uncle Tyler was ready to tease me every time.”

“It’s a good thing you guys got married, then,” Clara says.

“Why’s that?” you ask your granddaughter.

“Because you get to hold grandpa’s all the time, and it isn’t a memory anymore,” Clara says excitedly.

“Was that the reason you married grandma?” Sawyer asks. “So that you could always hold her hand?”

“That was one of the reasons, yes,” Jamie says and winks at you. “I married her because I loved her and couldn’t go a single day without her.”

“Is that why you married grandpa?” Sawyer asks you.

“I married your grandfather because I loved him more than anything in the world,” you reply.

“Do you still love him the most?”

“I do,” you say and smile at Jamie.

November 1942

To celebrate Thanksgiving, the American Red Cross was putting on a Thanksgiving dinner for the troops. On this day, you got the day off and were able to join the rest of the nurses and soldiers celebrating the holiday. You and Elizabeth made your way to the mess hall as directed and walked inside. You were both met with the smells that reminded you both of home. You began to grow sad imagining what your parents’ house must be like with all the cousins running around and the smells of the food cooking that you’d be missing.

“Well, look who it is,” Esa says. “The woman who is in love with Jamie but refuses to go on a date with him.”

“That’s not true,” you say. “We planned a date, but we had to cancel because he had a late-night flight. Speaking of Jamie, where is he?”

“Jamie? He’s outside.”

You say a brief thanks and go out to find him. You look around briefly before finding him.

“Hey,” you say quietly, not wanting to scare him. Jamie was sitting on a bench with his head between his legs. “Is everything okay?”

Jamie looks up and sees you. “Hey, yeah, I think so.”

You sit down next to him and begin stroking small circles on Jamie’s back. He never knew that such a simple touch could be so comforting. “Did you want to talk about it?”

Jamie shrugs.

“Okay, well, I’m here if you want to,” you say and continue to stroke soft patterns on Jamie’s back.

Almost five minutes pass before Jamie says something again. “I never realized how much I miss my family. Obviously, I know that I miss my family and stuff because obviously, I’m on the other side of the ocean. I never really got homesick at first, but the holidays are making me realize how much I miss everyone.”

You nod. You understand where he was coming from. Just the other day, you got a letter from your mother about how your sister was pregnant. Pregnant! You never realized how much you were missing. “Anything I can do?”

Jamie looks at you and smiles. “Let me take you on a date?”

You begin to giggle. “Really? Wow, you’re really using your moment of weakness to egg that on me, aren’t you.”

“I mean, I really like you, so it shouldn’t matter,” Jamie says. “Though, if me being in a moment of weakness means that you’d let me take you out, then yes.”

You shake your head playfully. “I’m all for you taking me out.”

“Then, why haven’t I taken you out?”

“You were going to, but then you had a night flight to make. We just haven’t found a time that works recently.”

“How about before Christmas?” Jamie proposes.

“I can do that,” you say with a smile. Would this be the time you finally got a date?

December 1942

“Knock, knock,” Jamie says as he knocks on the door in the examination room you were in.

You turn your head to the noise and smile widely when you see that it’s Jamie. “Jamie.”

“Yn.”

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” you ask.

“I have something for you,” Jamie tells you. “It’s a holiday present.”

“Holiday present?” you ask curiously.

Jamie blushes. “Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you celebrated Christmas or anything, but I wanted to give you a present anyway. So, I’m calling it a holiday present.”

“I didn’t get you anything, though.”

Jamie looks at you, and he thinks he falls more in love. “It’s not a gift exchange, yn. It’s a gift for you from my heart.”

“From your heart?” you say teasingly, and Jamie blushes further. “I’m kidding, don’t worry.”

“Here,” he hands you a red bag. “Open it.”

You take the bag out of his hand, and your fingers brush his ever so slightly. At the touch, you feel the heat rise to your face. Your next immediate thought is “what would it be like to hold Jamie’s hand entirely?”

“I think you’ll like it,” Jamie whispers. He’s quite flustered after the little touch you both just experienced.

You nod unable to meet Jamie’s eyes. The effect he had on you was indescribable. You take the wrapping paper out of the bag and peer into it. “What is it?”

“Why don’t you just open it?” Jamie suggests.

“Or, you could just tell me,” you say flirtily.

“Or, you could just open it.”

“I’ll open it,” you say. You take out the box and open it. Inside is a delicate, simple necklace with your initials on it. “Jamie, you gasp.”

“Do you like it?” he asks eagerly.

“It’s beautiful; I love it,” you tell him with a look of hesitation in your eyes. Could you accept a gift like this?

“I thought you would, but I can also see the hesitation in your eyes. Yn, please, take the gift.”

“Thank you, Jamie, it’s beautiful. Can you help me put it on?” The minute the words come out of your mouth, you want to take them back. If he said yes, then that’d mean Jamie would be touching you. That also meant that you’d probably fall even harder for him.

“Sure,” he tells you. You take the necklace out of the box it’s in and hand it to him. You turn around and adjust your collar and hair so that Jamie has easy access to place the necklace on. He lifts his hands above your head, and you feel the cold of the necklace hit your chest softly. You’re standing there for a few moments as you feel Jamie fiddle with the clasp of the necklace behind you. When finished, Jamie readjusts your collar and tells you he’s finished softly.

“Thank you,” you tell him. You’re barely meeting his eye. Why would you? You just had an extremely intimate moment with someone you’re falling in love with. The heat is radiating off your face, and you’re pretty sure Jamie’s face is a deep crimson, too.

“Of course,” he tells you in a whisper. “It looks beautiful on you.”

You smile at him. “Thank you.”

All of a sudden, Jamie takes a step closer to you, and you do the same. He puts his hand on your waist and begins to lean down. Was he going to kiss you? Was Jamie Oleksiak going to kiss you? Just as he’s getting close to your lips, he’s interrupted by Tyler yelling from the hall.

“Big Rig! We have to go,” Tyler yells. You and Jamie jump apart from each other, and you’re both barely able to meet each other’s eyes. “Woah, dude, why’s your face so red.”

“No reason,” Jamie mumbles and then turns to you. “I’ll see you around?”

You nod. “Thank you so much for the gift. I’ll have to be sure to get you something.”

Jamie smiles at you. “Let me take you out. That’ll be enough.”

“It’s a date!”

“Do you still have the necklace?” Sawyer asks.

“I do still have the necklace,” you answer. You pull the necklace from where it’s sitting around your neck to show your grandson. “And, I still wear it every day.”

“I’ve gotten your grandmother many, many necklaces over the years, but I love that one the most,” Jamie says.

“It’s really pretty, grandma,” Clara says.

“Just like grandma,” Jamie flirts with a wink. Despite the both of you getting quite old, Jamie never hesitates to flirt with you. You smile at your husband as your grandchildren and children moan and throw out a few “ew”s and “yuck”s. You didn’t care. You were in love with your husband and didn’t care who knew.

January 1943

Despite Jamie saying that all you had to do was let him take you out, you still wanted to get him something. In the past month since he gave you the necklace, you had yet to take it off. You also had yet to see him, so it only made sense that it was okay that you haven’t gone out with him. You were still reeling from the memory of Jamie’s hands on your waist and him so close to you. Every time you think of the memory, your face would grow warm and a giant smile would erupt on your face. You only hoped that you’d get to have these moments in person than always in your head.

You spent any and all free time daydreaming about Jamie. You thought about when you’d finally be able to go out with him and have a cute date. You couldn’t wait for it. In the meantime, though, you still were trying to figure out what to get him as a holiday gift.

On a Saturday off, you opted to go into the town to try to find a gift for Jamie. Kate and Elizabeth were both busy, so you’d be on your own. You got off the bus and walked around the main street trying to find a cute shop from which you could shop from. You find one and walk inside. Looking around, you notice that you’d probably be able to find exactly what you would need for Jamie.

You once recall that the soldiers were complaining that the rain was making it incredibly cold in the barracks. You figured that Jamie was in a similar situation, so you decided you were going to try to find a blanket for him to use while he slept. It wasn’t as expensive or nice as the necklace he got you, but it was the thought that counted, right?

You try to find someone who works at the shop to ask if they had what you were looking for. For about twenty minutes, you’re talking with the shopkeeper and find what you’re looking for. You find a green blanket with a white star in each corner. You weren’t sure what each star was meant for, but you figured it probably wasn’t too big a deal. You also opted to buy him a small pocket notebook he can put in the breast pocket of his uniform. You walked out of the store thirty minutes after you walked in and went looking for somewhere to have lunch.

“Yn?” you hear from behind you. Of course, of course, you happened to run into these boys.

“Hey, Tyler,” you say to the man. “Day off?”

“Indeed,” Tyler replies. “Don’t worry, Jamie is just around the corner.”

“I wasn’t --”

“Doesn’t matter, we know how crazy he is for you, so we only hope you’re just as crazy for him,” Roope says.

“Oh, um --”

“Why are we stopping here?” Jamie asks obliviously.

“Guess who we ran into?” Esa teases.

“Who?” Jamie asks, not noticing that you’re standing right there.

“Hey, Jamie,” you say softly.

Jamie’s face turns a blush pink at hearing your voice and looks at you. “Oh! Yn, I didn’t see you there.”

You laugh. “Don’t worry.”

“Why are you in town today?” he asks.

“I had a day off, so I decided to go shopping. Actually, I bought you a holiday gift.”

Jamie frowns. Does this mean that you aren’t going to let him take you out? “Oh.”

You look at him weirdly not sure why he’s acting the way he is. “Here,” you say and hand him the bag.

He takes the bag out of your hand and looks inside. He takes the blanket out and smiles. “A blanket? How did you know this was what I needed?”

“Some of the other soldiers were complaining, so I figured that you’d need one too,” you tell him, and the heat rises to your face.

“Meet us at the restaurant around the corner, okay?” Denis says. “We’ll leave you two lovebirds alone for the time being.”

There wasn’t any room for argument as the group walked away leaving you and Jamie alone.

“I hope it’s warm enough for you.”

“I’ll constantly be warmed at the thought that you bought something for me,” Jamie flirts.

“Oh, yeah?” you say with a raised eyebrow. “Who knew you were so smooth?”

“Every girl I’ve ever gone out with,” Jamie says confidently.

“Oh,” you say sadly. So, he just wants to take you on one date and that’s it?

“That’s a lie,” he corrects. “You’re the only one, yet I still haven’t taken you out yet.”

“Oh,” you say a bit more chipper.

“Because you got me a gift, does that mean I can’t take you out?”

You look at him with a smile. “You can take me out whether or not I got you a gift.”

“I have to join the boys for lunch, but do you want to join us?” Jamie asks nervously.

“Is this you taking me out?” you tease.

“No, I--”

“I’m only teasing. I’d love to join you guys,” you take Jamie’s hand, and he leads you towards the restaurant. Your shopping accomplished exactly what you wanted to get done, and you happened to leave that day with much more. Another fond memory of and with Jamie.

February 1943

“Let’s go over the plan one more time,” Kate says.

“I don’t even know why we need a plan,” you tell them. The plan? The attempt to get you and Jamie together at the Valentine’s Day Dance that night. The Officer’s Club was throwing a Valentine’s Day Dance for the soldiers and nurses to try to give the soldiers something to look forward to. The past month has been hopeful in the war effort with it being possible that it could be over soon. To celebrate, a Valentine’s Day Dance was being thrown.

“We need a plan because the two of you won’t ever get together unless we throw you two together,” Elizabeth says.

You shake your head. “I still don’t think we need a plan.”

“Too bad,” Kate says. “We have a plan. Elizabeth? Please go over it again.”

“Kate and I are going to coordinate with Tyler and Miro to put you and Jamie together as much as possible,” Elizabeth explains. “We are going to ask that they play a slow song so that Jamie will definitely ask you to dance because he is that kind of gentleman after all.”

“But, what if --” you try to say.

“No, we refuse to take any possible worst-case scenarios,” Kate interjects. “It’s not happening. Just enjoy the night and try to finally be with him, so you can both get together finally.”

You nod. “Okay, we’ll get there.”

. . .

The three of you walk into the Officer’s Club, and you’re met with an exorbitant amount of Valentine’s Day decorations. It was truly beautiful, and you felt that the worries of the war slowly drift away. You three walk to find your friends (mostly they want to put their plan into action as soon as possible).

“Hey guys,” Elizabeth says as you walk up to the group. You scan the group and see Tyler, Roope, Esa, Miro, John, and Denis, but you didn’t see Jamie anywhere. Maybe he was getting a drink?

“Hey, ladies,” Tyler says. “Don’t you three look beautiful.”

You all smile in thanks and compliment the boys back to him. You wanted to ask about where Jamie was, but you didn’t want to seem obvious. Thankfully, though, Kate says something for you.

“Where’s Jamie? We need him here, so he and Yn can finally get together.”

“He’s sick,” Roope answers.

“What?” you ask worriedly.

“Yeah, he caught a cold, so he’s staying in tonight. He didn’t want to get anyone else sick or get worse.”

“I hope he’s okay,” you say with a tinge of concern.

“He’s a big boy; he’ll be okay,” Tyler answers. “Although, you can go and see him. I’m sure he’ll love to see you. Our barracks are just a minute walk away.”

Your ears perk up. “Should I? I wouldn’t want him to be alone tonight.”

“Yes, yes, go,” Kate urges.

“I’ll walk you over to see him,” Roope offers. “Despite how close it is, you shouldn’t walk over alone.”

“Thank you, Roope,” you say, and you both head out. As you’re walking, you begin making conversation with him. “How’s your girlfriend back home?”

Despite the dark sky, you know that Roope has blushed. He always does when talking about his girlfriend back home. He’s so in love with her that it’s sickening but also cute. “She’s great. I got a letter from her the other day.”

“Do you miss her?”

“More than anyone or anything in the world.”

Your heart softens at Roope’s words. “You’ll be back home soon to see her; I’m sure of it.”

“I hope so,” Roope says with a sigh. “Here we are.”

“Thank you for walking me,” you say.

“Of course, just try to get him to walk you back, or wait for someone else to leave for the night to walk you back. If you’re not back in a few hours, I’ll come to make sure you’re good, okay?”

“You don’t have to,” you say.

“That’s what Jamie would want for the girl he loves.”

“What?”

Roope looks at you, and his eyes go wide at his mistake. “Nothing, enjoy seeing him.”

Jamie loves you?

You knock on the door and hear someone mumble a “come in”.

“Hey, Jamie,” you say as you walk in.

“Yn?” he asks.

You laugh. “Hey, some of the boys mentioned that you were sick, so I thought I’d come to see you.”

“But I’m sick,” Jamie pouts.

“That’s what I just said,” you said comically.

“Oh.”

“Can I do anything?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “I think I’m okay. Just hang out?”

“That I can do,” you say. You ended up staying that night for about two and a half hours until Roope came back. Jamie ended up falling asleep almost half an hour in. You wanted to leave, but you knew that Roope and Jamie would be disappointed in you. You watched Jamie sleep for a bit (in a noncreepy way). There was something very calming about the way he slept. There was something that warms your heart the way he bundled into the blanket you bought him. Just the mere thought and sight of Jamie warmed your heart. Maybe you loved him, too.

July 1943

Jamie couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t keep running into you and falling for you. For the past four months, you and Jamie have randomly run into each other, but each time, Jamie wishes he finally got an actual date to go on a date with you. Every interaction fueled the fire and love in his eyes that kept him going. Every interaction fueled his love for you. Jamie knew you were the most beautiful woman ever. Jamie knew, now, though, that you were the only person for him. Jamie knew that he was going to marry you one day. He tried seeing you and expressing how he feels through chance, but now he was going to get help.

Jamie walks into the Nurses Station in search of Kate or Elizabeth.

“Oh, hey, Mr. Oleksiak, let me go get Yn,” Kate says teasingly as she sees Jamie walk inside.

“Actually,” Jamie stops. “I need your help.

“What for?”

“I keep leaving Yn and me seeing each other to chance, and I’m ridiculously in love with her,” Jamie explains. “I need your help to ensure that I can finally take Yn on a date.”

Kate nods with a giant smile on her face. “Let me help in any way I can.”

. . .

“Don’t forget,” Kate reminds. “We’re going to dinner at that nice restaurant tonight, so dress up nicely.”

You roll your eyes. “I know; you’ve only mentioned it a million times in the past four days.” You, Kate, and Elizabeth were going to a nice restaurant in town to celebrate. Celebrate what? You weren’t quite sure, but you weren’t going to pass up an opportunity to get dressed up.

You get off your shift at 5 that night, and you head to your barrack to get changed. You had a dark green dress that you bought recently but had yet to wear. You style your hair nicely into a ‘do that you know makes you look your best. You adjust the necklace Jamie got you so that the clasp was sitting at the back of your neck. At 5:50, you’re walking back to the Nurses Station to meet the girls. That’s where they decided to meet.

When you show up outside the Nurses Station, you don’t see anyone waiting outside, and most of the lights are off. You couldn’t recall if you were supposed to meet inside or outside, so you went inside knowing that it’d be more comfortable. You walk inside. Instead of seeing Kate and Elizabeth inside, you see Jamie standing there in his Army dress navy blues looking handsomely dashing. He looks almost like a prince.

“Oh, Jamie!” you say surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Wow, yn,” Jamie says as his eyes admire your appearance. “You look so beautiful.”

The heat rushes to your face from being under Jamie’s gaze and his compliment. “Thank you, but you haven’t answered my question.”

“Oh, you look stunning,” Jamie says again. He couldn’t find the words to talk to you because you were so beautiful. Imagine how beautiful you’d look on your wedding day? Jamie, get ahold of yourself, Jamie thinks to himself. You need to take her on a date before you can propose to her.

“Thank you, Jamie; you look quite nice in your dress blues. However, what are you doing here? I’m supposed to be meeting Kate and Elizabeth for dinner tonight.”

“No, you’re not,” Kate says from behind Jamie. Where did she come from?

“You’re having dinner with Jamie instead,” Elizabeth says and emerges from her hiding place.

“Wait, but I thought --” you begin.

“I need help to get us together to go on a date because every time I brought it up, it never happened. I was tired of just seeing you about once a month,” Jamie explains.

You nod. “So you guys worked to get me here?”

Jamie nods.

“Why?” you ask curiously.

Jamie throws a deep chuckle your way and walks towards you. “Is it not obvious, Yn? I am so incredibly in love with you that I can’t keep doing whatever this is. Yn, I need you in my life, and I need you as more than a friend.”

“Well,” you begin after Jamie’s confession. “I’m incredibly in love with you, too, and I want all of that, too.”

Jamie lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Oh, thank goodness. Does this mean I can take you out for dinner now?”

You giggle. “Yes, you can.”

Kate clears her throat from behind the two of you. “Flowers?” she asks, reminding Jamie.

Jamie mentally smacks his head. “Right,” he says and takes the flowers from Kate. “These are for you.”

You smile at Jamie’s bashfulness and giggle. “Thank you, Jamie.” You take the flowers from Jamie and lean in to smell them. “They’re beautiful.”

“But not as much as you,” Jamie flirts.

“Okay, you flirt,” you laugh. “Ready to take me out?”

“I’ve been ready for a while,” Jamie says and extends his hand for you to take.

“Be good, you two!” Elizabeth calls out as you both walk out.

As Jamie leads you to the bus, he leans down and places a kiss on your forehead. “You look beautiful.”

You smile at him. “You told me that already.”

“I’m going to keep telling you that for the rest of my life.”

“Thinking about forever already?” you say with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, I do plan on marrying you,” Jamie tells you.

“I could be okay with that,” you tell him with a smile. Yeah, you wouldn’t mind marrying Jamie and spending the rest of your life with him.

Present Day

“That’s beautiful,” Alissa says.

“Did you really know you were going to marry grandma?” Clara asks her grandfather excitedly.

Jamie looks at you with a smile. “I did know that I was going to marry grandma. I knew she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and I knew that I was going to marry her the minute I met her.”

“You did?” Sawyer asks.

“I did,” Jamie reiterates. “My life is split into two -- before I met her and after I met her.”

“Which one’s better?” Clara asks excitedly.

“After I met her,” Jamie answers. He puts his hand in yours and looks at you with the most loving eyes. “Every day, I’m living my dream. I love you, Yn.”

You smile at your husband. “I love you, too, Jamie.”

Jamie gets up from his chair and walks over to you. He bends down and groans slightly at his back pains that have come from old age. He kisses you softly. The love in the kiss hasn’t wavered since day one; it’s only grown. You never once doubted his love for you, and he never doubted yours.

Meeting after docking in England (or maybe on that ship, depends on who’s telling the story) was what set your life in motion. You could never imagine a life without Jamie. After all these years, the love you have? It’s in the memories that you’ve shared and will continue to create.

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Carrot Top 25- Panic

And here we have the next installment of Carrot Top’s story. Enjoy a nice filler, full of some fluff/comfort. And a little bit of angst, of course. Masterlist is here. Previous chapter here. 

CW: Panic/anxiety attack, reference/description to injuries.

-   -   -

Mickie didn’t know how long it had been when she heard softer footsteps approach and pause in the doorway. 

She glanced up to see Ali, leaning heavily against the door frame, and Mickie wiped her eyes with her sleeve. Ali’s face was pale and her eyes squinted in the bright bathroom lights. She came and sat next to Mickie on the floor.

“Hey- are you-”

Instantly Mickie broke down again into uncontrollable sobs. She sat there, frozen, until Ali pulled her close, wrapping her arms around the girl. 

“I- I, he-”

“Shh- Mickie, shh. It’s okay- Tusik’s got him. We’ve got him, he’s home okay?”

“I know, I- I just-”

“You wished you could have done something more, I know. We all do. We all wished we could have gotten to him sooner, or that this never would’ve happened in the first place.”

“He just- I should’ve- he-” Mickie could barely make out a few words at a time before her voice was cut off by sobs once again.

“Don’t think of that now, okay? Just- here-” She shifted so the girl was laying more comfortably against her, head in her neck, arms around her back. “Just- just cry. Okay? It’s okay, I got you. Just let it all out, and then we’ll take the next step from here.”

Tears had been streaming down Mickie’s face for a while, but now, she didn’t try to hold anything back. She let the full amounts of grief, pain, worry, and fear completely overtake her. Ali cradled her head as she wailed, choking on the tears and cries as her body shook and shivered.

Ali understood how she felt. She’d be sobbing too, but she was too exhausted for tears.

It didn’t seem like Mickie would ever stop crying. At first it was just the tears, and cries, but then her breathing began to get shorter, and faster. She was choking on her breaths and she began to tremble and shake in Ali’s arms.    

It was like she was shivering, but sweat was pouring down her forehead. She began to grasp at things uselessly, the back of Ali’s sweatshirt, the edge of the tub, her hair. She sat up quickly, pulling herself away from Ali and scrambling backwards as she dug her hands in her hair. Her eyes stared out blankly in confusion, red with tears and her face twisted into sobs. 

She shook her head as her chest hitched, unable to catch a full breath.

“I- I- it- I, it- it hurts, I-” She stammered as Ali came closer to her again. “I- I can’t breathe-” 

She tried to stand up but her legs wouldn’t listen and she collapsed underneath herself. It was like she was trapped inside of her mind. She gripped tightly onto her clothes, trying to grasp onto something that felt real, when the whole world was spinning around her. Her head pounded, her chest throbbed, and all her muscles felt too weak to do anything she told them too. She felt like she was being stabbed, or shocked, or- or something. 

It hurt. 

Was she dying?

She looked up tearfully into Ali’s eyes as she struggled for breath, and uttered a single world.

“H-help-”

Ali placed her hands over Mickie’s where they sat tangled in her hair. She placed her forehead against the girl’s, breathed deep, and entered her mind.

- 

Mickie was spiraling. Ali could see all of her thoughts, as if she had entered a giant, empty arena, with Mickie standing in the middle. On one side of her was Splice, standing with a knife in his hand, aimed towards the other figure on her other side- Andrew. 

As Ali watched closer, the object in Splice’s hand kept shifting. One moment it was a knife, and then it transitioned to a pistol, a whip, a cane, a length of rope. As she watched his weapons changed, Andrew’s injuries changed as well. He was shot, collapsed on the ground. He was beaten, tied up, choked. The further it went on, the worse things Splice did to Andrew. 

As she watched, Ali did her best to keep her breathing even and her focus steady. If she lost control, she would be shot out of Mickie’s mind, and it would be harder to reenter. But as she witnessed terrible things that Mickie was imagining, it became harder to stay focused.

She had to change it.

Ali approached Mickie where she stood in the center, eyes wide open with tears, watching everything that she imagined happening to her brother. She placed her hands on the girl’s head and began searching her mind for memories. 

She started at the beginning. 

Mickie’s earliest memory was at her third birthday party. Andrew was seven, and amused by the fact that she couldn’t blow out her candles, so he had done it for her. She got upset, threw cake at him, and chaos ensued. 

Ali tugged at this memory, and soon in the back of Mickie’s mind, the two small figures of children appeared, sitting on the ground with a cake in between them. Faint echoes of laughter and screaming could be heard behind the girl’s sobs. It was working.

Ali rifled through more memories, finding it hard to ignore the one’s of her dad leaving, her mom struggling through abusive boyfriends, the loneliness and lack of money, and instead focused on how despite it all, she had clung to her older brother. Her best friend, and most times, her only friend, until seven years after that third birthday party.

-

Mickie and Andrew were sitting in a hospital waiting room. He sat, failing to do his homework while Mickie played with some toys. They had been there since school got out, and hadn’t had dinner yet. Micike was hungry. Andrew was nervous. 

After a few more painful hours, a nurse finally told them they were allowed to go see their mother. Mickie walked in nervously behind her brother, but was soon left in the doorway as he rushed over to the bed where she lay, a small bundle, lying tightly in her arms.

“She’s- she’s kinda wrinkly-” Andrew stated. Their mom let out a tired chuckle.

“Mickie- come meet your sister.”

The girl bounced on over to the bed and peeked at the baby. She knew she was going to have a sister, but other than that, she didn’t know what to expect. She guess she assumed it would’ve had her and her brother’s same fiery hair like their dad, same pale skin and freckles like their mom. 

The baby had a full head of hair- it was curly like theirs, but dark. A little darker than their mother’s natural brown. And maybe it was just cause the baby was brand new, but her skin was a tad darker too. Mickie was a little confused, but it didn’t matter much. She had a sister.

“What’s- what’s her name?” She quietly asked.

“Erika.” Her mom said.

 “And we- we get to take her home?”

“She’s healthy?” Andrew asked.

“She’s a little small, but she’s strong.” Mickie twisted her hands in her shirt, and peered over the bed.

“Mickie? Would you like to hold your sister?”

-

Ali smiled as the memory ended, and the figures in the distance grew, a smaller child appearing between the two of them. The laughter and voices grew louder, and Splice’s figure was starting to fade.

She fast forwarded to a more recent memory. Just a few years prior, Mickie’s first day of high school, and Andrew’s first day of their senior year.

-

Their mom had left for work several hours before they had to leave for school. Andrew was tired, but he had gotten up anyways and started getting Erika ready. She was sitting in the empty bathtub, eating toast and jam while Andrew tried to tame his hair. 

Mickie stood in the doorway, and tried to run tangled fingers through the mess on her head. Without saying anything Andrew sighed, and motioned for her to sit on the floor. He sat on the toilet, with her on the ground in front of him and took a thick comb to try and figure out all the tangles. 

Ericka’s hair was easy. It was smooth, and shiny, and even though she was only four, she knew how to brush it herself and leave it down for the whole day. Mickie was fourteen, and her hair was constantly a mess. 

“I should just cut it all off.” She said.

“Shave your head- do it.”

“I’m not gonna shave my head. Just like, cut it shorter or something.”

“My hair is short, and it is still a tangled mess. At least when it’s long you can put it up or do something with it.”

“That’s fair- ow, careful!” Mickie winced as he pulled at a tough strand of hair.

“Sorry- you had a knot. Do you want me to braid it?”

“Yeah, it’ll keep it out of the way.”

Andrew carefully used the comb to pull her hair back, and within a couple of minutes he’d gathered it all into a neat braid, running into the middle of her back. She ran her hand along it when he was done, and then stood up to look in the mirror. 

She sighed as her shoulders fell. 

“What is it?” He asked.

“I- I look like a moose.”

“Yeah-” 

“Hey, what-”

“-but a cute moose. Make all the boy moose go WHAAAH.”

She slapped him on the arm and chuckled. 

“Moose!” Erika stated. She started mooing from inside the tub and the three of them laughed. Andrew picked her up and washed off her hands from the toast she was eating. 

“Come on, let’s finish getting ready.”  

-

Ali watched the three figures slowly become larger, coming closer to the middle. Splice had completely faded away now. And the sobs from Mickie had grown quieter. Andrew lay on the ground, collapsed. He looked the same, if not worse than when they found him.

As the figures of herself and her brother from her memories came closer, they helped to pull Andrew to his feet. Slowly, his injuries faded away as Mickie pulled him into a hug and held onto him tight.

The four figures melted into two, Mickie’s sobbing finally stopped, and Ali’s vision went black.

-

As she came to, Ali placed a hand on the edge of the tub to keep herself from falling over as she left Mickie’s mind. She could feel a slight pounding behind her eyes, and took a couple of seconds to catch her breath before standing up and grabbing a glass of water.

Mickie had her eyes closed, sitting back against the tub, and took in deep breaths. She finally felt like she could get enough air into her lungs. It had seemed like she was underwater. Drowning without enough air, and not knowing which way was up or down.

She sniffled and wiped some last tears from her eyes.

“Thank you, I- I don’t know what happened, I, I lost all control, and it-”

“It was a panic attack.” Ali said casually. She plopped on the ground and handed Mickie the cup. “Drink up- you don’t want to get dehydrated.”

“I- I couldn’t stop thinking about, about all the things that could’ve happened. Everything he could’ve done to him- and if we hadn’t gotten there, or gotten out, or-”

“But we did. We got him out. Tusik has him, and he’s being taken care of. I know it’s hard not to think of all of those things, but you have to realize there’s nothing you can do about what happened. It happened. All you can now do is focus on his recovery, and help how you can.”

“You’re right. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“How did you- I mean, how can I- can I keep myself from, from that happening again. The- the panic attack?”

“Most of the time you can’t keep it from happening.” Ali stated. Mickie’s eyes got wide from behind the cup as she drank. “I know, it sucks. I deal with them all the time, but you get used to it. They’ll get easier.”

“So how do I deal with it?”

“Well, there’s numerous ways. Grounding techniques, exercises to keep you from spiraling. When I was there, in your mind, I saw what you were feeling. I tried to pull from your past memories to block out the negative thoughts, and it seemed to work. I’ve done something similar before, but never exactly like that. I guess, when it’s just you, try and block it out before the thoughts come? Think of those good memories, the good experiences to push out the bad and reassure yourself. I’m- I’m not sure. Everyone else’s mind is so different from mine, so you gotta figure out what works for you.”

“I guess I can try that. I’ll just have to figure it out.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Ali had regained some strength, and Mickie had finished her water. Mickie set the cup down on the counter and stood by the door.

“Ali?”

The girl lifted her head.

“Do you- do you think you could do that with Andrew? Like, go into his mind? He’s just- he seems so scared, and confused, and I think it’ll help.”

“You’re right Mickie. It’ll also help Tusik to know what happened, and how he can take care of him.”

Mickie perked up and helped Ali off of the floor. “So you’ll do it? You think it will help him?”

Ali gripped Mickie’s hand tighter, she was a little unsteady on her feet. “I can try. I’m not as strong as I’ve been before, but I’ll help him how I can.”

Ali had no idea how he was still here. After healing a couple of his injuries back when they found him, he should have been dead a while ago. 

But he wasn’t.

He was still here, and that’s what mattered.

- - -

Tag List- @imagination1reality0 @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @thehopelessopus @burtlederp @whump-me-all-night-long @lave-e @yesthisiswhump 

[suituuup]

pieces - chapter eight

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca didn’t expect to see her again dancing in a strip club, out of all places.

rated: E (drug use and emotional abuse in early chapters)

ao3 link

*

Chapter seven was published yesterday, in case you missed it! I was too lazy to make a tumblr post.

*

The term rollercoaster didn’t seem strong enough to describe the last six weeks of Chloe’s life. 

Seeing Beca again. Leaving Marco. Getting clean. Finding out she was pregnant. 

She felt like she needed to stop and take a minute to remind herself to breathe, but the weight pressing on her chest prevented her from sucking enough oxygen into her lungs.

“You’re…” Beca blinked twice in slow succession. “...pregnant. With a baby.” She grimaced in the next beat, releasing a breath. “Sorry, I-- I wasn’t expecting that.” 

Chloe couldn't blame her for being shocked. She swallowed thickly and cleared the lump from her throat. “I made an appointment for an abortion. Tomorrow.”

Tears sprang up into her eyes before she could stop them, and she lifted a hand to her mouth to muffle the sob itching to come out. 

“I’m sorry,” she croaked out, shaking her head. 

“Chlo…” Beca murmured, setting a hand over Chloe’s back and the other one on Chloe’s. “You don’t need to apologize. What you’re going through is incredibly hard, and… if an abortion is what you feel is the best option, then that’s what you should do.” 

Chloe had always wanted to have kids one day, but this was the worst possible timing. She didn’t have a place to raise that baby, or a job, not to mention that she was a recovering addict. 

She nodded along to Beca’s words, as though attempting to convince herself further. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Beca asked. “To the appointment?” 

Chloe hesitated. “I don’t want you to miss work because of me.” 

“You’re more important than work,” Beca argued softly as her thumb stroked Chloe’s knuckles back and forth. “And I don’t think you should be doing this on your own, you know? But I don’t want to overstep either, so it’s completely up to you.” 

Chloe sniffled, reaching up to wipe her tears away. “I… I think I’d like it if you could be there.” 

“Done,” Beca instantly said, nodding firmly. She cleared her throat following a few beats of silence. “So um, is there anything you should do for your recovery? Now that you’re out of rehab, I mean.” 

“The therapist there recommended one in the city, I need to call and book an appointment. I’m going to my first NA meeting in two days. Otherwise, I’ve been told having a routine could really help? Like go for a morning walk, do some yoga, cook, clean… that sort of stuff. But all I want to do right now is crash for a few hours.” 

Beca nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Let me know if I can do anything to make things easier on you, okay?” 

Chloe managed a small smile despite how heavy her heart felt. “I’m already so grateful for what you’re doing for me, Bec.” 

“It’s what friends do. Help each other out.” 

Chloe ended up sleeping for four hours straight. She had never felt so exhausted in her life, and she guessed it was a mix of the physical and emotional toll of pregnancy and rehab finally hitting her. She didn’t eat much for dinner and mostly pushed her food around in her plate, knowing most of it would come back up as it had for the last few days. 

She and Beca got to the clinic ten minutes before Chloe’s appointment that next morning, and after filling out the paperwork, they were led into an exam room, where Chloe was asked to change into a paper gown. She sat down on the edge of the bed once she was changed, her eyes sweeping over the many baby pictures lining the wall. 

Her attention shifted to the door when it opened, a middle-aged woman stepping inside. 

“Hello, Chloe,” she greeted with a soft, reassuring smile. “I’m Dr. Harris.” 

“Hi,” Chloe returned quietly. “This is my friend Beca.” 

“Nice to meet you both,” Dr. Harris said as she approached. “I was told you’re here to terminate your pregnancy?”

“I-- yes.” 

“Okay. As one of the nurses probably told you over the phone, I need to check how far along you are first so we can figure out if a procedure is required,” she explained, setting her chart down and snapping on a pair of gloves. “When was your last period?” 

“I-- I’m not sure.”

She used to take the pill. But when you’re fortunate if you remember to eat one meal a day, it’s also easy to forget to renew your birth control prescription. That was just another detail among the many in her life that seemingly had ceased to have consequences or meaning the further she slipped down that rabbit hole. 

“Okay, that’s alright. Can you lie down please, and put your feet in the stirrups? I need to do a vaginal ultrasound so we can see better.” 

Chloe nodded, scooting back and lifting her feet. She reached for Beca’s hand as nerves sprouted in her belly, immensely grateful for her presence. 

“This might not be the most comfortable feeling, but I’ll try to be as gentle as possible,” Dr. Harris said as she placed a condom over the wand before slowly inserting it. She tapped a few keys on the ultrasound machine, gently moving the wand around until a clear image popped up on the screen. It was another minute before she spoke again. “Okay… given the size of the embryo, you’re about seven weeks along, Chloe.” 

Chloe puffed out a breath as a kaleidoscope of emotions swept through her. This was her baby, up there on the screen, and the sight of it suddenly made her question everything and ask something that she would regret shortly after. “Can I-- can I listen to the heartbeat?”

The doctor glanced at her. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” Chloe confirmed. “I’m sure.” 

Nodding, Dr. Harris pushed another key, and the most beautiful sound filled the room a second later. A steady, strong woosh woosh. Tears sprang to Chloe’s eyes, and she felt a squeeze to her hand as she attempted not to let them fall. Her own heart constricted in her chest, so hard it was nearly painful. 

“Turn if off, please,” she croaked out, shaking her head as her lids slammed shut, those tears sliding down her cheeks and curling around her chin. 

The doctor shut off the machine and withdrew the wand a few seconds later. “You can put your legs down, Chloe.” 

Chloe nodded and straightened, taking the tissue Beca offered her and blowing her nose with it. 

Dr. Harris watched on, her eyes soft. “You still have some time before making a decision.”

“Did it look healthy?” She found herself asking, then figured she should explain. “I just got out of rehab. I did cocaine and drank a fair amount of alcohol on a daily basis up until four weeks ago. And I was given um...” Chloe scratched her forehead as she raked her brain for the medication name. “Gabapentin for the first two weeks of rehab to help with withdrawal.” 

Dr. Harris’ features remained professional as she nodded slowly. “The heartbeat is strong, and I didn’t catch anything abnormal. The risk of miscarriage is more present than for other pregnancies as the drugs crossed through the placenta when you were still using, and that up to twelve weeks. Problems could occur during and after the pregnancy. But the baby could also be perfectly healthy, since you stopped in the early stages of pregnancy. It’s hard to tell.” 

Chloe’s mind swam with all these possible scenarios, and she didn’t know whether to listen to her brain or her gut feeling. “How-- how much time do I have to decide?” 

Dr. Harris slipped her hands into the pockets of her lab coat. “Abortion is legal up to 25 weeks in New York state. Up to ten weeks, you can take a pill, past that a surgical procedure is needed.” 

Chloe sniffled, swiping the back of her hand under her runny nose. “Okay. Thank you.” 

Dr. Harris cast them both a tight-lipped smile. “Of course. I’ll leave informational pamphlets at the desk for you to read, as well as my phone number should you have any questions.” 

“Thanks,” Beca said as the doctor walked out, then focused back on Chloe, reaching out to brush her hair back behind her ear. “I’ll give you a few minutes to get dressed? I can go get those pamphlets in the meantime.” 

Chloe nodded, her insides caving in as soon as the door clicked shut behind Beca. She gripped the edges of the exam cot hard, her nails digging into the leather and her breathing turning chopped as a mix of panic and sadness unleashed within her. 

It all seemed unfair, but she knew her own recklessness was the root of the situation she found herself in. 

She eventually managed to calm herself down enough to get dressed, meeting Beca by the desk ten minutes later. The walk home was silent, and Chloe was grateful Beca didn’t push her to talk. She didn’t even know how to process her own thoughts, let alone speaking them aloud. 

A few days passed. Chloe slept a lot, and tried to keep herself busy the rest of the time. One hour each morning consisted of hugging the toilet while she puked her guts out, and the rest of her day was spent craving that warm embrace of the rush cocaine once brought her. 

The temptation was there. She knew there was a store on the corner of Beca’s street that sold booze, and she knew there was enough change in the bowl by the front door to afford at least a couple beers. 

Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to. Not after seeing that tiny blob on that screen and listening to its heartbeat, because the biggest part of her wanted this. She knew it deep down, but she couldn’t silence those same voices that had been making her life hell for the past four years, telling her that she was bound to fail at this like she did with everything else. 

Chloe woke up that Saturday morning to a churning stomach. Scrambling out of bed, she stumbled to the bathroom across the hall and made it just in time to empty the contents of her stomach into the ceramic bowl.

She slumped back against the wall afterwards, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she reached out to flush the toilet with the other. Chloe glanced up when Beca appeared around the corner, a sympathetic smile curving her lips as she stepped closer and handed Chloe a steaming mug. 

“Ginger tea. I read it helps with morning sickness.”

Chloe accepted it with a quiet thank you. She cradled the mug between her palms, her head tilting back against the tile behind her as she exhaled. “You can sit, if you want.”

Beca nodded and lowered herself next to her in the tight space, their thighs and shoulders touching. “Do you… want to talk?”

Chloe sucked in a sharp breath. “I feel… lost,” she croaked out, her head rolling to the side to look at Beca. “Before the appointment, I was so sure terminating the pregnancy was the wise option, but then I saw it on that screen and heard its heartbeat and…”

“You realized the wise decision is maybe not what you want?” Beca supplied when Chloe trailed off. 

“I’ve always wanted to be a mom,” Chloe whispered before she broke eye-contact, focusing on the mug she held in her hands as she blinked away the tears filling her eyes. “But it’s crazy to even consider it, right? I don’t have a job, I don’t have my own place, and I’m still battling with my own mind because I crave something. All day, every day since my last hit.”

“But you didn’t cave,” Beca pointed out softly. “I know it’s only been four days since you got out of rehab, but you didn’t cave, and that’s already an accomplishment of its own.” 

“I just… I don’t want to harm this baby more than I’ve possibly already done,” Chloe admitted quietly. 

Beca nodded, and reached out to take one of Chloe’s hands, tugging it into her lap gently. “If keeping this baby is what you want to do, those things you’re worried about have solutions. You may not have a place of your own, but I’m not kicking you out. Even with a baby. This is home for you as long as you want or need it. A job shouldn’t be too difficult to find. Maybe it won’t be the greatest one on earth to start with, but it will be something to get your head back in the game,” she paused, tilting her head to the side and seeking Chloe’s gaze. “And what you just said? About not caving because of the baby? I can’t think of a better proof of your ability to be a great mom. You’re already putting that baby before your own needs, and I can’t even fathom how great and out of control those can become, and I think that’s admirable. And for what it’s worth, I think you should trust what your gut tells you. I listened to my brain instead of my heart once, and ended up making one of the biggest mistakes of my life.” 

Chloe let Beca’s words resonate within her, basking in the temporary peace they brought her. There was no doubt about where her gut feeling lay on this.

“I feel like I’m turning your life upside down,” she whispered after a while, sniffling. “You’ve done so much for me already, I don’t want to keep abusing from your generosity, or jeopardize your relationship with Sarah.” 

“You’re not abusing anything, Chlo. I promise,” Beca murmured with a squeeze to her hand. A stretch of silence settled between them, until Beca spoke again. “You still have time to think about it. Just know that whatever you decide to do, I’ll support it.” 

Over the next week, Chloe found herself picturing what it would be like, caring and nurturing for that baby and raising them. For the first time in five years, cocaine wasn’t the first thing she thought about when she woke up, or the last thing on her mind before going to sleep. 

For the first time in five years, it felt like she had purpose, in trying her best to be the mom her child deserved. That meant staying clean, leaving those demons behind where they belonged, and getting her life back together one day at a time, for that innocent being that came to light in the darkest time of her life. 

She woke up earlier than usual that morning, and headed to the bathroom to pee, pausing as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. A soft gasp escaped as she lifted her shirt and ran her palm over the barely perceptible swell in her lower belly. It wasn’t there yesterday, and Chloe felt tears pool in her eyes. 

Happy ones. 

“Hey there, little one,” she croaked out, her heart swelling against her ribcage as she rubbed slow circles over her skin. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?” 

She puffed out a long breath, a watery smile breaking through. 

One day at a time. 

[benedictscanvas]

found - aaron hotchner

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 4.6k (i got a little carried away with this one!)

Warnings: Mentions of kidnapping, torture, serial killers, reader’s father was killed in a car crash, reader is the victim of emotional and (a small bit of) physical abuse from her mother, nice and fluffy ending

Request: i ADORE your writing. could you do a hotch x female reader where the reader works at the bau but comes from a really rich business family and a case comes in where her brother's gone missing because they want money from the family. they save him but the reader's mother belittles and slaps her, and the team stand up for her in front of her family and then later she goes to hotch's office and just some cute fluff because they've been in love with each other for years? ik it's weirdly specific lol

A/N: First of all, thank you! Also, never apologise for specific requests, it only means that I don’t have to think up an idea myself, haha, always a good thing! This one got away from me a little, but I just really loved how protective the team were of the reader here (especially my man Aaron). Love to you all, I hope none of you ever have to go through a situation like the one below <3

---

The weight in your stomach was beginning to ache now. Your mind was playing the events of the past few days over and over but you couldn’t work it out. You’d found him, you should be fine, and yet there was something still bothering you.

There was no way the BAU ever would have taken this case were it not for the connection you had to it, there was no point kidding yourself about that. It was on Tuesday morning that you had practically run through the bullpen towards Hotch’s office, ignoring the concerned voices of the members of your team and not bothering to knock as you burst in on him.

“It’s my brother,” you said, out of breath, clutching the door with a painfully tight grip as your chest heaved and Hotch stood from his desk. His face would have seemed as stoic as usual to most people, but you could see the worried lines around his eyes better than most people, “Someone’s taken him, I don’t know who, but they want money quickly and my mother won’t give them the money and-”

“Y/N,” he quieted you with his soft utterance of your name, and you gasped in for breath that you didn’t have. There were tears in your eyes, but you wouldn’t let them fall, “We’ll get everyone in the conference room, okay? Tell us all at once.”

You nodded, pressing your lips together and wiping a shaky hand down your face. He didn’t question you. Didn’t question taking the case. You had hardly told him anything and he was dropping whatever the hell he had been doing, and even in your haze of fear you couldn’t appreciate him more.

“Thanks, Hotch,” you said quietly, and he simply nodded at you, resting a warm hand on your shoulder briefly as he passed you to gather the team together. Not five minutes later were you telling the team everything, from the rich parents you’d never previously mentioned to your brother’s disappearance, showing them a picture of the ransom note that had showed up on your mother’s doorstep that morning. Not thirty minutes later were you on a plane to your hometown, sat next to Hotch on the seat of four and listening to him and the team bouncing theories around.

It had taken three days to find him.

Three days of you being worried to the point of sickness. You’d thrown up multiple times. JJ had been there the first time, swiftly following you into the bathroom after the toe showed up in the mail. She held your hair back as you emptied your lunch into the toilet, your tears simultaneously streaming into the bowl. But the second time was after your mother refused for the fourth time to pay the ransom to save your brother. You only made it to a bin in an empty room in the police precinct, but Hotch was right behind you, rubbing your back with a firm hand.

You only found him in the end due to a connection Spencer made between the original ransom note and the note that came with the toe, an inconsistency that led Garcia to a name and you to an address. It all fell into place quickly, like it often did, and soon the two culprits were in cuffs, your brother was sent off in an ambulance and the case was closed with no lives lost. It should have been a good day.

But still, now, as you sat in the front seat as Hotch drove you to the hospital your brother had been taken to, your stomach was swirling with doubt and anxiety and you knew exactly why.

“You don’t look too happy,” he commented in a low voice, even though there was no one else in the SUV except for the two of you. As soon as your brother was taken away in the ambulance, your mother jumped in beside him and you were left on the pavement, before Hotch placed a hand on your back and jingled the keys beside you, spurring you into action, “Your brother will be fine, Y/N, they’re only taking him as a precaution.”

“Oh no, I know,” you said flippantly, turning to Hotch even though he kept his eyes on the road, “He’s a strong guy, he’ll take this in stride. There’s just something...else.”

You wondered whether you should tell him. It was a thought you dismissed as soon as it came. You and Hotch were close, closer than anyone else really realised, and if you told him there was no telling what he might want to do about it. There was nothing to be done, though, and so there was nothing to be said either.

“What is it?”

“I just-” you figured out your lie, needing it to be half-true so he wouldn’t see through it, “I don’t think it’s sunk in yet that he’s safe.”

He nodded, but didn’t say anything. It was a sign that he knew you were lying, that he was waiting for you to crack and tell him the truth. A trick he’d learned from you, actually. Sometimes, you stayed late with him to help him out with paperwork, try to get him home a little sooner and you talked. You talked a lot. And whenever you’d ask him how he was, or whether something was bothering him and he would lie you would nod and go silent, waiting for him to speak again and inevitably reveal the truth.

It wouldn’t work on you this time. Instead, the rest of the drive passed in a slightly uncomfortable silence and when you got out of the car, the two of you headed into the hospital without words. Guilt poked at your heart but you pushed it away as you were given directions to your brother’s room and took purposeful steps in that direction.

Just as you reached the door, you pushed open the door to join him, your mother and the nurse that was checking him over.

“Hey little-”

“Y/N!” your mother cried, rushing over to hurry you out of the room again and you caught a glimpse of your brother’s apologetic glance before she was shutting the door in your face, “Can we have a word?”

The weight in your stomach was getting heavier by the second.

“I’d really like to see my brother and check he’s okay,” you said, tone clipped and formal. You felt Hotch’s presence a little way behind you, watched your mother’s eyes flick between you and him with disdain.

“And I would really like a word with you,” she said, her voice different to how it had been. She had an audience now, you thought silently, and fought the urge to roll your eyes, “If you wouldn’t mind talking to your mother.”

She was trying to make you look bad and you knew it. You tried not to, but you could feel your embarrassment rising despite yourself. There was nothing to be embarrassed about and you knew it, but having Hotch there watching your mother talk to you like this, no doubt profiling you both made heat creep up the back of your neck.

“Then let’s find somewhere private-” you attempted but she cut you off.

“No, we talk here.”

It had been her favourite method of doing things when you were younger too. As soon as your dad died, she began subtly belittling you in the house. Blaming you for his death was the only way she seemed to move forward, even though you quickly accepted that just because you had been in the car when he died didn’t make you at all responsible.

But it was when you went out with her that she truly came into her own, having the free reign to humiliate you as publicly as possible, making sure that other people heard it. You hadn’t seen her in a few years. You’d forgotten how difficult it was, even now, to avoid reverting back into that childlike state when she looked at you like that.

“Mother-”

“Again. Again, someone has hurt our family and again, you are the one responsible. Do you enjoying seeing me suffer? Is that was this is, Y/N?”

You stared at your feet and set your jaw. It was difficult to know whether to shout at her, laugh in her face, or start sobbing on the ground. You’d tried all three before. Nothing worked. And now - oh god - and now the whole team had rushed into the hospital to check on you and your brother and you turned your head a little to see Hotch hold up a hand to stop them from saying anything behind him. You bit your lip. The taste of copper filled your mouth with a welcome, distracting bitterness.

“How could this possibly be my fault?” you asked incredulously, looking up and meeting her gaze with all the anger you held towards her for so much of your life, all the resentment. You hoped none of the fear shone through alongside it. Apparently, your rage meant nothing, as she simply laughed, the hollow sound a haunting nostalgic tune.

“You’re meant to be a fucking FBI agent, and yet your brother has come home without two of his toes and one of his fingers,” she said, still laughing, shaking her head in disbelief at you, “You couldn’t find him in time.”

You were seething.

“If we hadn’t found him in time, he’d be dead. Things don’t always end this well, mother. He’s lucky,” you ground out and she reared back, stung.

“Lucky? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“Mrs Y/L/N-” Hotch began, and you heard him take a small step forward behind you. You winced. You knew what was coming.

“Oh, Agent Hotchner,” she said, her tone sweet again and you felt your stomach churn. You were beginning to feel lightheaded. Your serial killer catching team were right there and you were being scolded by your mother. Don’t cry, you pleaded with yourself, “You must be so tired of dealing with my daughter and her lack of empathy. Thinking that her own brother is lucky when he’s been severely deformed, I mean, the lack of-”

“Severely deformed?” you said, chest heaving as you stared her down, “Sam is fine. He will be fine. He is not deformed. All thanks to me and my team. My amazing team, who do not want to see any of this so can we please-”

Part of you was hoping that maybe some of them would take your hint and leave, just so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself in front of your colleagues anymore, just so you wouldn’t have to handle them losing all their respect for you. But there were no footsteps.

“We’re not going anywhere. You’re not seeing your brother. I won’t let you hurt him more than you already have-”

“I have never hurt Sam in my life-”

“You know you’ve hurt him more than anyon-”

“For fuck’s sake, mother, I didn’t kill dad!”

She slapped you. Actually slapped you right across the face and your head whipped to the side. She’d never done that before. Perhaps she’d never had the heart when you were younger, or maybe you’d never actually said the words before, you didn’t know. You clutched your cheek as you kept your eyes downward and felt the tears staining your cheeks. Fuck.

You were already planning your resignation from the BAU in the stunned silence of the corridor.

JJ was first to run forward, putting an arm around you.

“Are you okay?” she murmured in your ear and you simply nodded, shrugging her away from you a little in your embarrassment.

“Don’t you ever mention your father to me,” she said, her voice dangerous, but you still hadn’t looked up, couldn’t fathom giving her the satisfaction of seeing you cry. You wanted to scream at her, slap her right back, maybe slam her against the wall but you knew none of it would help. You hardly had any dignity left as it was.

“You know what, Mrs Y/L/N,” Dave spoke up into the silence and you closed your eyes, hoping he wouldn’t say anything too bad, “I was wondering why you wouldn’t pay the ransom. I thought maybe it was the principle, or perhaps you were worried they’d just ask for more. But, I get it now.”

“Yeah, me too, Rossi,” Derek chimed in, “Now it’s easy to understand. Your kids simply aren’t worth anything to you.”

“Excuse me?” your mother’s voice was higher in pitch and part of you was worried she might slap them, but you knew she didn’t have it in her. JJ was still hovering behind you.

“You have two wonderful children, Mrs Y/L/N,” Emily continued, “Sam’s a doctor, the perfect child and yet the only value he has to you is in the bragging rights he provides.”

“And Y/N? She’s one of the best agents in the bureau. She cares about people-” Spencer’s voice cracked and you blinked out a fresh wave of tears, “-she cares so much. She’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. If you can’t see that, then it’s your loss.”

You finally stood up straight and looked to your team with eyes full of shame. Your cheek was no doubt a different colour to the rest of your face, tear stains galore, eyes puffy. No moment was worse, than seeing them all staring at you with pity in their eyes, and yet the warmth you felt radiating from them was stronger than any feeling you’d ever had from your family. This was your family, after all. Your real family.

“Y/N’s one of the best people I’ve ever met too.”

“Same here.”

“Me too.”

Came the replies from your team. You let out a shaky exhale as you stared at them. Thanking them and apologising to them all at once with just the look in your eyes. Your mother was still silent, clearly shocked that anyone could possibly care about you like this, let alone a whole group of people.

“She’s the best person I’ve ever met,” Hotch spoke up and when your eyes snapped to his, you didn’t see pity. You saw that fiery anger that he usually reserved for the lowest of the low. And yet now, he was staring at your mother with that stare that made killers recoil in their seats. She looked horrified, “And she’s going in that room to see her brother. You will go outside and wait until we’ve left. Then, and only then, can you come back inside this building.”

“But-”

“That’s an order from a federal agent, Mrs Y/L/N,” his voice was hard and unfaltering and you saw his hands clenched at his sides, longed to prise them open and slip your fingers in between his, “Rest assured that if I ever hear you speak to Y/N like that again, I will make your life a living hell. You’re a lawyer, right? I pull some strings, and you’ll be out of a job before you can blink.”

“She’s my daughter and I will-”

“Go outside.”

You surprised yourself when you spoke up. But the anger that boiled inside you had bubbled to the surface and now, there was no stopping you. Your team were behind you, literally, figuratively, in every way possible. It was enough. You weren’t a child anymore.

“Y/N-”

“I said, go outside. I don’t want to see you again, are we clear? We’re done,” when she just stood there dumbfounded, you pointed towards the exit and took a step towards her, your heart leaping when she took a step backwards, “Leave.”

And just like that, she left. She had to walk past every member of your team on her way and they refused to move out of her way, so she had to squeeze past each and every one, mumbling to herself the entire time.

She was gone and silence enveloped the little corridor to the private room yet again.

“And don’t come back,” Dave muttered, causing you to finally crack a smile in his direction, which in turn made him smile, and the rest of the team, even though they were hesitant. You wanted to say thank you, but you weren’t sure you had the words. You were so damn tired.

“Hey,” JJ spoke up beside you, a hand on your shoulder, “Go see your brother. You want to stay for a while? We can hold the jet.”

You shook your head.

“I’ll see him quickly,” you said, “I just want to go home.”

Everyone smiled again, more sympathetically and Hotch spoke up, his voice back to his normal voice around you. It was your favourite version of him. Soft.

“We’ll be right here when you’re ready.”

You nodded gratefully, turning and heading into the room without another word, because you didn’t have anymore. You just said a quick hello to your brother, gave him a tight hug. You’d never been close, the torment you’d been put through by your mother he had been immune from and it had put a rift between you. You’d never understand each other. But he was your brother, and you loved him all the same, so you wished him well and told him to call more often. When you left the room, true to their word, the team were still there and led you out of the hospital to the SUVs, shielding you with their bodies from your mother outside. You didn’t even see her.

There was no talking in the SUV. Hotch drove, Derek in the front beside him and you sat in the back with JJ. She insisted. Halfway to the jet, she reached over and grabbed your hand, not even looking over at you and you squeezed it gently. You were grateful for the grounding touch.

It was only back on the jet that someone spoke up. Hotch was busy in the kitchen. But everyone else was sat around. You were sat beside Spencer at the table, with JJ and Rossi opposite. Derek was sat on the couch nearby and Emily perched on an arm rest just so she wasn’t sat too far from you.

“When did it start, Y/N?” Derek asked once the plane had been in the air for a while, earning some sharp looks from JJ and Emily but you waved them away.

“It’s okay, guys, it’s not like I can hide it now,” you said, having calmed down significantly on the drive to the jet, JJ’s touch and the hum of the engine comfort enough to decrease your heart rate, bring you back to earth. Your shame was still there, but you had tucked it away for later. Right now, you wanted to salvage as much of yourself as you could, “As you guys know, my dad was killed in a crash when I was 12. But what you don’t know, is that I was in the car and that my mother blamed me for it. She made everyday after a living hell. I moved out as soon as I could and never looked back. I’ve not seen her much since, just family events and such, but she’s always the same.”

They all had varying looks of anger and sadness. Spencer asked the question on everyone’s minds.

“Has she ever…?”

You didn’t make him finish, because you knew the words would be difficult for him.

“Hurt me before? No, she hasn’t. I don’t know what was different this time,” you shrugged, subconsciously reaching up to gently touch your cheek, “I don’t think I’ve ever said outright that I didn’t kill him before.”

“But you know you didn’t, right?” Emily asked without thinking and you smiled at her.

“I’ve always known that,” you said honestly, “It would have been so much worse if I’d believed her, but I always knew she was wrong.”

Hotch emerged from the kitchen with an ice pack and you smiled at him a little, relaxing when he offered a small smile in return. You expected him to hand it to you, but to your surprise he sat on your armrest right next to you, your arm pressed against his side. He brushed your hair away from your face with gentle fingers and placed the icepack on your cheek, apologising under his breath when you winced from the cold sting.

“That’s what you were worried about in the car then,” he mused aloud, gaining the attention of everyone on the plane, “You knew what was coming.”

“Somehow, I did,” you grimaced, looking up at him, “And I’m sorry you had to see it,” you looked around at everyone, “I’m sorry you all had to see it. It’s so embarrassing and degrading and...well I understand that your perception of me must have changed but I assure you-”

“Woah, woah,” Derek interrupted, “The only way my perception of you has changed, honey, is that you’re stronger than any of us knew.”

When you looked at everyone else around the plane, they were in agreement with Derek, it was clear. You felt yourself welling up again, and cursed your weakness.

“I can’t thank you guys enough for what you said about me,” you began, voice shaky, “It just...it means a lot. I’ve never had a real family before.”

“Well, now you do,” Dave said simply, watching you with those kind eyes of his. You nodded with a smile before Spencer produced a blanket from behind you, offering it up to you if you wanted to sleep. You accepted gratefully, laughing a little when Spencer and Hotch on either side of you helped to tuck it around you snugly. Your laugh was a sign to the team that they could relax. That you’d be fine. As you fell asleep, you felt Hotch lean into you a little more, still holding the icepack on your face, and the knowledge he was there was enough to lull you into slumber.

---

Spencer woke you gently and told you that you’d landed. There was no one left on the plane, but you’d trapped him into the window seat. He waved you off when you apologised.

“You’re really important to us, Y/N,” he said, letting a few walls down now that everyone else had gone. You knew it must’ve been hard for him to hear her say those things to you. You’d talked about childhood bullying before, helped him to work through his own without telling him your experience. He’d probably feel guilty that he hadn’t known, but you pulled him into a rare hug.

“You’re important to me too, Spence,” you said, knowing that he’d really meant it personally. You felt his smile against your shoulder and grinned at him sleepily when you pulled away, both of you making your way off the jet. You walked into the office and shared compulsory hugs with the rest of the team, including Dave who you didn’t think you’d ever hugged before. When the hugging was over and people began to make their way home, you looked up at his office.

Hotch.

He was leaning against his desk. Not working. You knew he was waiting for you, so you hopped up the steps and let yourself in without knocking, letting the door close behind you with a soft click.

As soon as the door was closed, his shoulders fell and his posture became hunched.

“Hearing her talk to you like that…”

He trailed off and your heart melted. You walked towards him and rested your hands tentatively on his biceps, feeling the muscles relax at your touch.

“Hotch,” you breathed, “We’re home now.”

“But I didn’t do anything,” he said, eyes flashing upwards to meet yours and that anger seemed to be back, but it was directed inward, “She was saying all this crap about you and I didn’t even do anything, I didn’t want to intrude but then she- she slapped you, Y/N.”

He was talking in facts, a trick he used to take the emotion out of situations in which he got too emotional. You recognised it in an instant. The small protective edge he had for you was one that you shared for him, so you noticed these things. Made a habit of it.

“I know,” you said, nodding, “But that icepack did the trick in bringing the swelling down- look.”

You reached down and grabbed his hand, bringing it up to rest on your face. You knew it wouldn’t hurt. His touch was so hesitant around you, always worried to overstep a mark that you wanted him to leap over. Now, seeing him care about you made you bolder than you had been with him in the years you’d loved him.

You’d realised you loved him, actually, really loved him about two years ago. It had been three for him. Two beings hopelessly devoted to one another, yet kept apart by paralysing fear. You were kind of over it.

You leaned into his hand, but he was the one who closed his eyes and relished in the touch.

“You took care of me,” you whispered into the relative darkness of his office, lit only by the soft glow of the overhead lamp, “See?”

He shook his head with a gulp.

“Shouldn’t have let it happen in the first place.”

“What could you have done?” you asked, smiling, “Slapped my mother first?”

He cracked a smile at that and his chuckles joined your own giggles in a few seconds.

“I wouldn’t have done that,” he insisted and brought his other hand up to cup your other cheek in an act of boldness spurred on by your own. Perhaps he was tired of not just being with you too. God, you hoped so, “You looked so...ashamed afterwards and you had nothing to be ashamed about. All I- all I wanted to do was take you in my arms and take you away from there.”

He’d never spoken like this before. You basked in his words, enjoying the pleasant tingling that had erupted down your spine. You were feeling lightheaded again, but this time you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“A nice thought,” you hummed, “I think I could get used to being in your arms.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I think so,” you were breathless as you leaned closer to him, because now you’d had some of him it would never be enough. You needed it all. You needed every bit of him, because now you knew it could be yours if he said it. You needed him to say it.

“You wanna know something?”

“I really, really do.”

You were getting closer with every word. Breathier with every passing second.

“I’ve loved you for years,” his lips brushed against yours as he whispered the key to his soul, “And nothing hurts me more than seeing you in pain.”

You closed your eyes and brushed your lips against his again, fleeting, a promise.

“I’ve never loved anyone like I love you,” you gave him your soul in return, because it was the fair thing to do, after all.

He pressed his lips against yours properly, for the first time. All at once, the world tilted and you had found a new course for the future, one where you hoped Hotch - Aaron, as you moaned when he began a path of kisses along your jaw - would keep kissing you like this for a lifetime.

[anotheronechicagobog]

Jay Halstead x Reader

The Return

Written by @anotheronechicagobog

Warnings: swearing, pregnancy, birth, medical jargon that may not be accurate, Erin Lindsay bashing

Meeting detective Hailey Upton had been more nerve wracking than meeting Jay’s brother Will. He and Hailey were just closer, they had the same job, saw the same things, and had an irreplaceable trusting bond. You never, at any point felt threatened or worried by her presence or relationship with Jay. It was because of their bond that you were nervous, it was important for her to give you the stamp of approval.

You’d all met up at a nice family owned Italian restaurant. You’d all talked about movies, the blackhawks, and food before finally coming to a crucial topic; work. You were an OR nurse at MED while putting yourself through med school, you’d seen and operated on enough cops to know what you were getting into. It could happen at any point, it could easily go south, and you would not be alone in the waiting room if it happened. Miraculously you passed with flying colours, becoming good friends with her.

After that you met the rest of the team when they all went to Adam and Kim’s place to watch the cubs game. Kim was glowing, pregnancy going well aside from her vicious morning sickness, and she took to liking you as well when you made sure she got to eat first. Adam, Kevin, and yourself bonded over your love of puns and bad jokes. Vanessa and Antonio started speaking in rapid Spanish with you, creating a quick and lovable bond. Hank just shook your hand and nodded at you, you weren’t sure what that meant but Antonio assured you it was a good thing.

——————————————————

You were putting the finishing touches on your ensemble for the CPD Chief’s gala when Jay appeared behind you. “Hey hon, are you ready to- holy fuck you’re gorgeous.”

“Thank you Jay. You look handsome.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

——————————————————-

You made your way to Vanessa who was talking with Kevin with a distressed look on her face. “Hey! What’s wrong? We’re at a party with an open bar, what’s with the long face?”

“Uh....... Nothing? You know what, let’s find Hailey. And bug her about Dr Bekker.” You already suspected something was off but knew for sure when you felt Jay go completely rigid. “Jay?” You’d turned to look at him and he was completely pale, looking like he was seeing a nightmare. You followed his eyes to a gorgeous woman standing next to Hank and arguing with Kim in a sleek black dress. “What is she doing here? Why is she here?”

“Who? Who is she Jay?” Kevin and Adam came up to try and support Jay, move him into a chair. The lost and betrayed look in his eyes made it all click in place for you. “Erin.” It was as if she heard you from across the room, she turned and looked at Jay before meeting your eyes with a guarded look.

————————————

You were all seated at the same table and it was fucking awkward. Jay had his arm or hand on or around you the whole time. Erin was clenching her jaw and looked like there should’ve been steam coming out of her ears. Food was served and speeches were made and it was clear that Erin was still unhappy. Despite the fact that she was seated across from him, Jay refused to look her in the eye. It wasn’t nerves, those had worn off, he was pissed. And rightfully so. Voight invited her as his plus one. He didn’t tell anybody, didn’t warn anybody. Everyone was exchanging funny stories, barring Jay, Erin, and Voight. Jay wasn’t opening his mouth except to eat, Voight was glared into silence, and Erin was always cut off by Kim or Hailey.

“So, Y/N/N, any funny patient stories for us?” Erin perked up at Adam’s question. “Oh, you’re a doctor?”

“No, I’m an OR nurse at Chicago med.”

“Hmph. Not smart enough to be a doctor, then?”

“I just couldn’t afford medical school at the time I went to university. I managed to save up enough and get enough scholarship money to start medical school and stuff a few years ago. So now I’m working part time in the OR and I finish medical school this year. As long as I do well, I’ll get a placement for my residency in three months.”

“Oh.”

“So, to answer Adam’s question, last week we had to surgically remove a brand-new toilet brush that a man had shoved so far up his own anus, that it looked like he had a bunny tail.” Kevin choked on his water for a moment before spitting it out all over the centrepiece flowers. “Hahaha, oh my god! Are you serious?!”

“Unfortunately.”

Erin’s bitter voice broke through the hyena-like laughter of the rest of the table. “Saying the word ‘anus’ is a bit uncouth don’t you think?” Kim stared at her, regarding her in disbelief as she mouthed the word ‘uncouth’.

“Not particularly, no, considering it is the medical term for that part of the body and part of the name of a planet.” You shrugged her comment and mood off. It was pretty damn clear why she was behaving like a bratty spoiled child, and it said a lot more about her than it did about you. Besides, it felt like it would be a complete waste of energy to entertain her need for a verbal martial arts battle. She just wasn’t worth it.

“She’s got a point, besides Lindsay, if you make what she says dirty that’s really on you and not her.” Jay shrugged and kiss the top of your forehead.

———————————————

You were encompassed in the warmth of Jay. Low jazz was playing through the speakers as the two of you swayed softly, your head on his chest soothed by his steady heartbeat. At some point Jay had started to hum along to the music and you felt all the stress and anxiety buried deep inside of you just melt away. Nothing but you and the man you love existed. You were in your own glowing golden bubble of warmth and love.

You moved your head up and kissed him on the side of the mouth, humming along with him. He spun you around, tugging a joyous laugh from you throat before tugging you back and leaning his forehead against yours. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, his around your lower back. Your noses moved around one another as your dancing slowed to a stop. It didn’t matter that you lived together, or that you’d been dating for four years, your heart was beating faster than it had the first time you kissed Jay. Suddenly your bubble had burst, you screamed and jumped away from Jay when you felt cold and wet all over your exposed back. The warmth was gone, replaced by a pitcher of ice and water that had been dumped on you courtesy of one Erin Lindsay.

———————————————

The floral smelling bath bomb you’d decided to finally use was just the thing to treat yourself to after your boyfriend’s ex decided to dump ice water on you at a public and major gala right before being called into an emergency at work. While your boyfriend had jumped into action, moving you towards the bathroom to dry up and offering his coat, your newly-made friends jumped to help you and defend you. A very angry and very pregnant Kim escorted you to her car with her husband while Voight made Jay and Erin ‘have a talk’. The only person who didn’t scowl at that news was Erin. Adam kept looking at you and asking if you were okay in the rear view mirror. “Adam, I’m okay. Annoyed, fuck yes, but I’m okay. And I know Jay will be too. I’m not worried.”

“You’re not? Even with their history?”

“No, I’m not worried. We talked about her when we started getting serious actually. She was an incredibly important person in his life, and she turned into a very vicious skeleton in the closet. I’ve got my own skeletons, too, everyone does. I know that he was hurt. Little shocked when he saw her at first, but Jay didn’t talk about everything that happened with her in depth with anyone but me. So I know what’s going on in his head, and I have a pretty good idea of what he’s going to say to her.”

You’d only been home (and dry) for half an hour before you got an ‘all hands on deck’ page from MED. Hastily pulling yourself together and running the three blocks between your apartment and the hospital. There had been a collision which caused several others, leading you to the OR for back to back surgeries for a total of fifteen hours. You’d been dismissed with the promise of forty eight hours off and an impressed nod from your boss.

You’d missed Jay because he’d had to go into work but smiled at the loving note he’d left on the fridge, along with a container of your favourite take out. Your heart absolutely soared at the thought of him.

Stepping out of the tub you patted yourself dry and dressed in soft shorts and sweater. Padding down to the kitchen, excitement at the thought of food bubbling up. The smell of your favourite take out wafted out of the container as you moved it onto a plate. Exhaustion was creeping up and taking hold of you as you shovelled food into your mouth. You welcomed the exhaustion and went to bed, leaving your dirty plate in the kitchen, something you wouldn’t normally do.

———————————————

When Jay returned to your shared apartment well into the evening you could tell that he was worn out. “Tough case?”

“No, actually. It was pretty straight forward, it’s just that Erin kept trying to call me. Since we were in the middle of a case Voight wouldn’t let her up but she kept calling me and Voight kept giving me these looks... I’m just glad that the case is shut, the day is over, and that I got to come home to you.” He gave you a peck on the lips, you could feel the soft smile that he had. “Dinner’s almost ready, would you mind setting the table?”

“Not at all.” You sat across from him at the small table pushed to the side of your kitchen, really looking at him. He looked tired, weighed down, but the tension gripping his body did seem to be lessening the more he was home, the more he ate, and the more he spoke. His eyes were light and happy, truthfully he looked a bit like a puppy. “I have time off tomorrow. Would you want to head up to the cabin?”

“Just for the day?”

“I know that it would be a lot of driving just for a day trip, but yeah.”

“Just to get out of the city for a bit?”

“Exactly.”

“You know it’s not that late, if we left now we could be there in a couple of hours, pick up some groceries on the way, we won’t need much. Wake up there, drive back in the evening.”

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“On a regular basis. And I love you too, so, so much.”

“How about you pack the necessities and I’ll clean up the kitchen?”

—————————————————-

You and Jay were on the road in forty minutes, just leaving Chicago as dusk started to dissolve into night. Jay’s secret country playlist was winding its was out of the speakers, the silence between the two of you was peaceful. The cooler bag filled with quick meals and leftovers Jay whipped together, removing the need for a grocery store. The coolness of the night encompassed you both, and the further you got from Chicago the heavier your eyelids got. A deep chuckle left your boyfriends throat. “Get some sleep, I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

——————————————

Jay Halstead was a dirty liar. He didn’t wake you up when he got to the cabin, instead he went in ahead to put the power and water on, put away the food, changed the sheets, dusted quickly, and then carried you in and put you in bed. And when you woke up and realized what he did, he even put on your pajamas for you, all he could do was kiss your nose and tell you how adorable you were when you pouted. Leftover stir fry was breakfast for the both of you. You were miffed that he did everything alone last night, and in the back of your mind you knew it was because he felt guilty about Erin showing up, but you couldn’t be mad at him. Not when he’d made your favourite food while you were packing last night. “Are you wanting to fish at all today or just swim?”

“Just swim around, we’ve missed the part of the morning that’s best for fishing and honestly I’m not really in the mood for it, unless you want to fish. I can take the boat over to the marina and pick up some bait if you want.”

“I’m okay for today too, Jay. But I think it would be nice to take the boat over to the marina and get ice cream before we leave.”

“Ooh, yes. I’ll go check to see how much fuel we have for the boat.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you out on the dock in a minute, I’m just gonna deal with the dishes.”

“That’s a funny expression, ‘deal with the dishes�� you sound like your going to ground them for throwing a baseball through a window or something.”

“Haha, I guess it does.”

——————————————

The bottom of the lake was brown, a result of the rocky bottom, but it didn’t matter that it didn’t look like the perfect insta post. It was fresh, and clean, and stunning, even with the mosquitos the size of a dog. And that’s how the morning was spent, swimming around the lake and laughing, enjoying the lighter air and the refreshing feeling from swimming around underwater amongst the algae and skittish fish. Carefree joy was a good look on Jay. The image of him throwing his head back as he tread water with the lake glistening around him, the sun enhancing the beauty of all the trees, plants, and cabin on the shore far back behind him as birds called out to each other was one that captivated you. “What?” His shoulders were sagging back to their regular position and Jay tilted his head slightly at you. You swam a few strokes closer and kissed him. As deeply as you could while both of you were treading water in the middle of a lake. Your legs kicked each other’s as you worked to stay afloat without your arms. You gripped onto each other, just reveling in the love you both shared. It didn’t last long unfortunately, because neither of you could tread water entangled in another persons limbs and without your arms. “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“On a regular basis. And I love you too. So, so much.”

——————————

Lunch had been absolutely delicious. What could be better than your favourite food, with your favourite person, in your favourite vacation spot, after a breathtaking kiss in the middle of a lake? Absolutely nothing. That’s what. What made the day even better was Jay taking you both over to the marina in the boat to get locally made ice cream. “Halstead, it’s good to see you again.”

“You too, Martin.”

“And who’s the lady you’ve brought with you?”

“This is Y/N, my girlfriend. How have you been? I didn’t see you the last couple of times i was here.”

“I was retired in Florida. Didn’t like the heat though, so I came back. I’m living in the old O’Reilly property, they needed something bigger cause it’s only one bedroom, but it’s perfect for a retiree like me.”

“So you’re back to micromanaging Josie?”

“No, she’s run this place better than I ever did, it’s in the best possible hands. What are you guys here for? It’s too late in the day for bait.”

“Ice cream, we’re driving back to Chicago tonight cause we both have to work tomorrow.”

“Shame, how long have you guys been up here for?”

“Oh, just today, we drove up last night. Just needed a break from the city, you know?”

“I do. Well I don’t want to keep the two of you from ice cream, but you’ll have to give me a holler the next time you or Will are up here, we’ll have dinner or something.”

”Definitely. I'll see you around.”

”And you should come too, Y/N, I have plenty of stories about your boy from when he was wee.”

”Oh, well, I would not miss that for anything.”

”What? No, come on, you don't want to listen to embarrassing stories about me.”

”I really, really do.”

”They have mint chip.”

”One day, I will hear those stories. One day.”

”I like you already, Y/N.”

-----------------------

You were a little sad to leave the cabin, even though you'd only really been there for 24 hours. It had been a nice escape of reality, and Josie had been more teasing than her father. As you packed the rest of the bags in the car, there had only been three in total, really, you let out a bit of a sigh. The crickets we're playing a concert and the dreaded mosquito dogs had come out to hunt, but the aura was something you'd miss, even though you and Jay could come back.

The car ride back was filled with soft rock this time, and you felt yourself mouthing along to the songs.

---–--------------–

You were both a bit groggy the next day but it wasn't anything either of you couldn't handle. You arrived to your shift relaxed and we'll rested. ”Good morning Y/L/N. You look well rested, I take it the 48 treated you and Jay well?”

”Yeah, it did.” Your bubbly mood was it short though, when Dr. Bekker stormed into the prep room, clearly angry. “Well I should hope so, considering the rest of us had to pay for it.”

“What? There are other OR nurses, and I didn’t think either of you were scheduled for that time either.”

“No, it we did go to Molly’s. And do you know who else went to Molly’s?”

“Ava-“

“Erin Lindsay.”

“Oh no.���

“Damn right. She spent hours pulling on people’s arms and shouting about how you’re a whore-“

“Excuse me?!”

“Ava, really-“

“Okay!” She stopped her ranting for a moment. She leaned on the metal basin, completely ignore the suds on her arms and that she’d have to wash them again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t speak to you like that. It not your fault and you’re not a whore, no woman is. I just- it was the first time Hailey and I have been to Molly’s together since we started dating and your boyfriend’s cow of an ex had to ruin it.”

“I’m sorry, Ava. I- it’s not my place to handle her or anything. She’s not my ex.”

“No, but she is Jay’s, and the reason she was unhappy at Molly’s is because Jay apparently told her that they’re never getting back together.”

“Yeah, she was screaming at everyone, mostly intelligence that Jay had to still love her and all that. She got pretty hammered, Voight had to be called in to take her home.”

“What do you think- they just rolled the patient in, time to get in there and repair his left ventricle.”

———————————————

Your day was long and so was Jay’s so you decided to eat out, at a great Thai place Jay had introduced you to. “Erin wants me to move to New York to be with her, I don’t want to and I’m not going to, I just figured I should let you know.”

“Okay... I have to be honest Jay, I don’t know what to make of any of this.”

“Erin just got out of a bad relationship and I guess she remembered the good times we had together, and forgot that we had more bad times. It was both of our faults really. We both lied, and omitted, and kept things from each other. Our relationship wasn’t healthy, and it took me a long time and therapy to realize that. I don’t have anything against her and I wish her well, but I don’t feel the need to have her as a significant person in my life anymore, or be one in hers. I think that our story ended four years ago and that she’s just in a bad place right now, like I was when I dated Camila.”

“Okay. That doesn’t make her behaviour okay-“

“Oh absolutely not-“

“But I get it. I’ve been in that place too, so I get it.”

——————————————

Erin wasn’t as ready to let go of the subject as Jay, apparently. Voight remained quiet on the subject, something that infuriated you because he brought Erin back into everyone’s lives with no notice and no concern for their well being. Kim was still mad, so angry that she had banned Erin from meeting her newborn baby. “I deliberately never said a word about you to her all this time bec- ahhhhhhhhh.”

“Okay, Kim, I get it. You were a good friend and didn’t tell her anything about my life since she left because you knew I wouldn’t want her to know, it seriously, please stop focusing on an unnecessary apology to me when you should be focused on breathing until we get to the hospital.”

“Adam will meet us there?”

“Yes.”

“You promise you’re not ma-aaaaaaaaaaaaadddddd!!!”

“I promise, you never did anything wrong. Okay we’re here.”

“I can’t believe you’re having a baby with ruzek. He’s kindof annoying-“

“KEV! Let’s focus on getting Kim out of my truck and into the hospital so that she can have her baby in a sterilized environment, okay?”

“Right, let’s go girl.”

Kim hadn’t needed to worry about epidural as it turned out, the baby went into distress almost immediately after she passed through MED’s doors, causing her to go into distress, and resulting in her needing an emergency C-section. You weren’t part of the OR team for that surgery because of how close you were, it you knew everyone who was and knew she was in good hands. You had been put in charge of giving the anxious police officers updates.

“They just finished the surgery, it went amazing. Kim’s in recovery and they baby’s getting checked out as we speak. And, Adam didn’t faint. He did very well, actually cut the cord.” Grumbles filled the waiting room as money was passed to Hailey. “Come on guys, you really had that little faith in him?”

“No one will be able to see Kim or the baby until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest, but it might be longer. They both need time to recover.”

A few days later the waiting room was once again filled with police officers, this time some of their relatives were in attendance. You sat beside Jay, in regular clothes this time, waiting to be given the all clear to visit. You two were called over with Hailey and Ava, clutching a homemade blanket for the baby and a homemade meal for the parents. They were immensely grateful, Kim especially since she’d just been told that she could go back to non-hospital food. You were sitting on the recliner cradling baby Eliza, who was cooing in your arms when there were shouts and crashes in the hall. Everyone turned towards the door. The cops who hadn’t given birth less than a week ago, Hailey, Jay, and Adam, went into tactical mode, Kim stopped eating and took Eliza back, Ava grabbed the hospital phone to figure out what was going on, and you stood in between Kim and the door as the three cops made their way slowly into the hall. You’d locked the door after they left, peeking out of the small window. “I don’t see anything.”

“Erin.” You turned towards Kim, who just looked tired. “I talked to hospital security when she first got here, said that I didn’t want her to be able to see me. Or the baby. I just... I don’t trust her anymore. I spoke to her the day before she flew down here, I actually asked if she was ever coming back to visit. She said ‘no’. And then she just showed up at the gala... I feel pretty betrayed by her, honestly. She never initiates contact. Ever, it always falls on me. She’s spent years trying to get me to say something about Jay every once in a while, but I’ve always just said that she left him, you know? She left and didn’t say good bye or call or text so she doesn’t have any right to know anything about him now. And she’s been acting like a spoiled brat, you know she’s used the excuse of hanging out with me to try and get information about you and your relationship. I don’t feel like I’m her friend anymore. I feel like I’m her tool. And I just had a baby, a tiny human who relies on me, I don’t have time for toxic friends who make me feel like that. So I told her not to come and for security not to let her in.”

“Do you feel a bit better now that you’ve said all that out loud and to someone who isn’t Adam?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Okay, well, if you don’t want to see her, you don’t have to. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

——————————————-

Erin had burned pretty much every bridge she had in Chicago in the two weeks she was there. She lost a lot of people’s respect after the incident in the hospital. When it became clear that some of her once closest friends were done with her, people felt it was okay to voice their grievances. After being shunned at 51, MED, 21, Molly’s, and her mother’s house, she showed up at your and jay’s apartment. A last ditch attempt at... Something.

“Please Jay, I love you.”

“No Erin, you don’t. You haven’t even seen me in four years. You’re just in a bad place right now. Go back to New York, okay? Your life is there now.”

She’d been in tears when she left, ugly crying, her face blotchy and make up running, as horrifying sounds ripped out of her throat. Jay just looked sad as he called Voight to pick her up.

———————————————

TWO WEEKS LATER

You were in stitches beside Jay, trying to breathe while laughing so hard. “Seriously?!”

“Hey, I was seven!”

“And I was five! Just listening to my idiot older brother!”

“We couldn’t believe it, the two Halstead boys running across the marina docks completely naked, and covered in blue paint!”

“Hey, I thought it was funny, and I ended up a doctor Jay, and I’ve stitched you up a few times, I’m not so much of an idiot, huh? Nat, c’mon, it’s not that funny.”

“Yes it is!”

“Y/N.”

“What? It is!” Another round of laughter peeled out from you, Natalie, Owen, and Martin’s daughter Josie as Martin continued to make gestures. “It took us a good minute to round them up. Me and Miriam, mind you, Pat just sat in the boat. Your mom was laughing so hard by the time we caught you both.”

“Please tell us more stories, Martin. That was REALLY funny.”

“Owen! You want to hear more embarrassing stories about me?”

“They’re funny!”

“Alright, well you heard the little man, Martin, more stories.” Will and Jay sighed, tried to relax, and resigned themselves to their fate. Their girlfriends and surrogate son/nephew were going to hear every single embarrassing story that Martin had. Which was a lot considering he was their father’s childhood best friend, had spent most of their summers around him, and he had a memory like a steel trap. “Don’t worry Jay, I’ll still love you after this, I promise.”

[yikesharringrove]

oh god okay feel free to ignore this if you want, idk? but um ive been really struggling with eating lately (like i just kinda panicked about the thought of eating?) and you're really good at writing all this kind of stuff so maybe billy struggling with eating after starcourt (for medical and mental reasons) and steve helping but still bring gentle and encouraging (totally okay if this is a sensitive for you or if you don't want to write it 💕)

This is pretty heavy.

Under the cut for medical stuff, disordered eating, talks of throw up (nothing graphic), me projecting.

The first bit under the cut is my medical story, so skip that if you would like.

Read on Ao3

-

So, oof. A little background. I spent three years misdiagnosed when I was young. I was so sick and in so much pain (one of my organs had literally died) that I couldn’t eat. If I did, I was in such severe pain I would throw up. I was 5 feet tall and weighed 62 pounds. If I had lost 2 pounds, I would’ve had an intestinal feeding tube. The doctors thought I just had an eating disorder from doing ballet. They would look at my chart, see another chronic illness I have, and blame my pain on that. They found what was wrong BY ACCIDENT and fixed it within a few hours in one (1) surgery.

So this is based largely on that.

-

He pushed the mashed potatoes around the plate.

“I thought hospital food was supposed to be like, bad. This is pretty alright.” Steve had wolfed down the plate he had gotten himself, not paying much attention to how the plate he had brought Billy was still full.

“Yeah. It’s okay.” He had taken one bite.

He felt fucking sick.

The thought of food, of something in his sore stomach, made him want to hurl.

“You’re not eating?” Steve’s eyebrows were scrunched up, concerned.

“Don’t feel too good.”

“Would something sound better? I could get you whatever you wanted.”

“Um, just like a ginger ale or something. Then I’ll try eating again.” That was his go-to. Ginger ale or Sprite, the carbonation helped his stomach enough that he could force some food down for a while.

Steve got him a few cans from the vending machine.

He ended up taking three bites of potato.

-

Steve made dinner when he finally got to come home.

They had decided he would move in with Steve, “live” in the bedroom across the hall, but they both knew he would be spending the most time in Steve’s room.

He had just made buttered noddles, nothing that would be hard on Billy’s weak stomach, but he had made the noodles from scratch.

And Billy was just staring at them.

“You feeling okay?”

“Just, uh, you know. Stomach’s kinda off.” Steve got him a can of ginger ale from the fridge, slid it to him with a bright smile.

The gesture was sweet, but Billy just didn’t want to risk it.

Every night he spent heaving into the toilet, it made his muscles seize and hurt. It made his throat burn for hours, made him feel like he was wasting away to nothing.

-

He always used the same hole on his belts.

He knew it was the right one from the way the leather was stretched a bit, the buckle leaving indents on it.

But that was too big now.

Did nothing to hold up his pants.

His pants that used to fit.

He tightened his belt.

Two notches. He was two notches thinner.

-

Billy could hear the blender when he woke up.

He was curious as to what Steve was doing, what the fuck he was blending up.

He came downstairs, found Steve with grocery bags all around the kitchen.

“Hey! I’ve been doing some research.” He poured the thick smoothie into a blender. “I think this might be easier for you to eat and keep down. There’s protein powder and some ginger, that should help keep your stomach calm, and spinach and some fruit and stuff.” Steve was fidgeting with his hands.

“Thank you.” Billy sat down with it.

Steve let him take his time, let him drink it in tiny sips.

He was about halfway through when he threw it all up.

-

Billy hadn’t eaten in two days.

But he also hadn’t thrown up in just as long.

Steve poked a plate of plain toast towards him.

Billy stared at it.

Steve sighed.

“Will you just, take one bite? For me?”

He took the smallest bite he possibly could.

Steve let him wait ten minutes before he pushed the toast back towards him.

They continued that until Billy finished the toast, waiting a while between each bite in order to make sure it wasn’t on it’s way back up.

He kept it down almost the whole night, until the pain in his stomach flared again and he was heaving into the large mixing bowl Steve kept next to the bed.

-

Billy was laying on the bed, curled into himself, clutching his stomach.

Steve had been behind him almost all day, rubbing his back, talking in a low soothing voice.

He left when there was a pounding on the door. He left the door open, Billy could hear Max’s voice.

“Jesus, Max. You’re a mess.”

“It’s, it’s raining. And I fell.”

“Why were you skateboarding in the rain?”

“I um, I remembered, whenever Billy felt sick, he liked eating lime popcicles, and I went to Melvald’s, and I got some.”

She sounded hysterical.

“Alright, thank you, Max. Thank you. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He heard them coming up the stairs, going into the bathroom on the landing he kept the first aid kit in.

They were in there for a while before Steve came in, talking in that soft voice he always uses.

“Billy, Max is here.”

It felt like a feat for him to roll over.

Her knees were bandaged up, and her face was splotchy.

“Hey, Shitbird.”

“You look like shit.” He huffed a laugh.”

“Feel like it, too.” Her lip trembled. He didn’t want that. “Hey, thanks for the popcicles. Can I get one? Lime, right?”

“Yeah. Lime.” Steve helped him sit up, gave him one of the popcicles.

It tasted good, and the cold was nice on his throat.

And he even kept the whole thing down.

-

Steve was standing next to Billy as they waited for the doctor.

He had lost nearly thirty pounds since he’d been home. His muscle was nearly entirely gone.

“Steve, just, play it cool.”

“I will not.” He had his pissed off mom face on, and Billy knew he had no qualms about yelling at a doctor.

“Steve, this is just, my life now.”

“No. I refuse to accept that.”

“You yell at Owens every time we’ve come in for the past four months, Steve.”

“And I’m gonna keep yelling until shit gets fixed.”

There was a rap on the door before Dr. Owens let himself in.

“You need to help him.” Billy huffed as Steve started in immediately.

“Um, good morning to you both.” Dr. Owens looked between the two of them.

“Billy can’t eat without throwing up. Look at him. He’s fucking wasting away.”

“Steve-”

“No. I can’t take it anymore. There is something fucking wrong. It is your job to fix it.”

Owens’ eyes were wide, Steve was on a roll.

“Every day, every day he can’t eat anything. He won’t because he’s in pain, and he’d rather not eat than throw everything up. And you need to help him.”

Owens was quiet.

“Let’s run some tests.”

-

Billy was in imaging within a few minutes. He had an x-ray done of his abdomen, and Owens ordered several blood tests.

They were in another room, Billy was having an ultrasound done of his entire stomach.

The tech was looking at his intestines, finding everything normal.

“Look, you’re already doing all this, can’t you just kinda, poke around?”

“I’m not sure-”

“Just kinda,” Steve made a vague wiggling gesture around Billy’s stomach.

She gave him a look.

But she sighed, moving the wand up his body.

“Huh?”

“Wait, what’s huh?”

“Um, excuse me.” She left in a hurry.

“Wait, you think they found something?” Billy’s eyes were side.

“If they did, and I was right, you’re never gonna hear the end of it.” Billy rolled his eyes.

The tech returned with an older woman, pointing at the screen and discussing in low voices.

And then the doctor was leaving again, and the tech was wiping his stomach.

“So, we’re going to prep an operation room. We’re going to have you in there as soon as we can.”

“Wait, what?”

“His gallbladder is infected.” Steve was fucking grinning when he turned back to Billy.

“So, I was right?”

“Steve, read the room. Surgery.”

“Oh, fuck.”

-

Steve was biting his nails.

The chairs in the waiting room were stiff and uncomfortable.

They were given the run down. Billy’s gallbladder had become infected. Probably due to the traumatic situation of his injuries and the many surgeries it took to put him back together.

It was almost completely dead inside his body, causing severe pain and all the vomiting. The doctor had explained that his rapid weight loss had probably only hurt it more.

They said it would take about two hours to remove.

Steve had been staring at the large clock as the two hours clicked by.

It was creeping up on two and a half, and he was getting fucking antsy.

He scrambled to his feet when a nurse called him back.

“You family?”

“Yeah, I’m his brother.” It was easier to lie. He needed to see him.

“He should be waking up very soon. It’s easier if there’s family. His surgery went well, the surgeons were able to remove his gallbladder with no other complications. He may be in pain and delirious when he wakes up, put that will pass, and we can give him more medicine if he needs.” They had stopped in front of a nondescript door.

Steve let himself in, taking the seat closest to Billy’s bed, taking his hand. His eyes were already blinking slowly. He smiled softly when he saw Steve.

“Pretty,” his voice was soft.

“Hey, Baby. I’m right here for you.”

“Thanks for, thanks for fightin’.” Steve smiled back at him, running a hand through his hair.

“Of course, Bill. I’ll always fight for you.”

“Love you.”

“I love you, too.” Billy smiled again. “You feelin’ okay? Need more meds?”

“Nah. Feelin’ good. Feelin’ high.”

“Yeah, they gave you the good drugs.”

“Good drugs.” He laid back in the pillow, his eyelids looking heavy.

“Go to sleep if you’re tired, Bill.”

“Don’t wanna. Wanna see you.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up again.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Steve kissed his hand.

[avis-writeshq]

Akaashi Keiji x Reader - 青いバラ (Blue Rose)

Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x Fem!Reader

Summary: Blue rose - a flower of the genus Rosa that presents blue-to-violet pigmentation instead of the common red, white, or yellow. Blue roses are often used to symbolise secret or unattainable love.

Warnings: VAST MENTIONS OF DEATH, mentions of blood, slow burn, ANGST, fluff if you look carefully, and 9k words of me procrastinating and trying very hard to keep the fic alive. ALSO HANAHAKI DISEASE AU BC I’M ADDICTED :D

Other: Yo, sorry for dying on you giuys for like, a while. School started up again this week but it was online and I was procrastinating on legit eVerYtHiNg oop so, anyway, hugs and kisses, hope you enjoy this fic because I am so freaking in love with Akaashi it isn’t funny anymore. 

Ngl, this fic took like 2+ weeks to complete, and my editor can attest to that :’) Hope you guys enjoy and don’t let this flop. Your requests are coming out soon so thank you for your support! Also I need a nice anon fam to keep nmme happy and occupied during quarantine :)

Word count: 9.1k                                                                                              

Editor: @creative-hours-open​

Things you probably wanna know, for all you ‘x reader’ illiterates:

(Y/N): Your Name

(H/C): Hair Colour / Color

(E/C): Eye Colour / Color

(N/N): Nickname

 ***

You don’t remember when these feelings came to be. You don’t remember when you first felt your heart skip a beat whenever he walked past you. You don’t remember the first time you started replaying all your conversations with him in your head when it was 3 am and your brain wouldn’t shut up. You don’t remember the first time you blushed when he sent you a soft smile after you stared for a second too long. No, you don’t remember those things; but you do remember the first time a small blue rose petal appeared in your hand after you coughed too hard.

 Hanahaki Disease: Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 ) is a disease where the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.

 For months you lived with this disease not even your parents knew. How could they? After all, they were each other’s first love – their love wasn’t one-sided and besides, you didn’t want to worry them; you can get through this yourself.

 Right?

 You leaned over the bucket, velvet-soft petals tickling your throat before pouring into the overflowing bucket. Tears prickled the sides of your eyes, threatening to spill just like the petals that scattered to the ground.

 God, does this ever stop? You coughed again, gasping for air as you sat on your knees on the cold tile floor. Shit, what time was it? You have school today! Coughing one last petal out, you emptied the bucket into a plastic bag and threw it to the side, grabbing your school bag and rushing out the house.

 You couldn’t be late… the bus leaves and waits for nobody. You ran as fast as you could to the bus stop, stopping only to get oxygen back into your system. You still had the wind knocked out of you from spewing rose petals all over the bathroom, but you made it just in time.

The bus was basically full with the only seat that was empty being…

 Shit.

 You genuinely thought of flinging yourself out of the bus or just standing, but that wasn’t an option.

 “Hey, sit down, will ya? I can’t move if you don’t,” the bus driver grunted as you flinched.

 “S-sorry, sir…” you mumbled, holding your breath when you sat in the only seat available.

 Clutching the bag in your lap tightly, you tried your best to ignore the awkward presence next to you. You went to the same school as him! You shouldn’t be feeling this uneasy…

 “Ah, (L/N) (Y/N), right?”

 Fuck.

 You raise your eyes to meet his eyes. “Yes…? You’re Akaashi Keiji.”

 He nodded, giving you a once over before finally saying, “Did you go to the flower shop beforehand?”

 “No…?”

 “You have a flower on your shirt,” he explained. “Well, a petal.”

 Your eyes widened and you looked down at the collar of your shirt. Lo and behold, a bright blue petal was tucked away, but you can see most of it poking out. You felt your cheeks flush in embarrassment.

 “Oh… ha ha… thank you?”

 He nodded. “It’s fine…” He was quiet for a moment before murmuring, “blue looks good on you.”

 ***

 Why did he have to be in the same class as you? Every single time he was near you, the flower in your lungs thought that it would be a wonderful time to bloom. Right after the bus stop, for example, you coughed your lungs out into a janitor’s basket before forcing your way to class.

 Biology, the first class of the day and he was a foot away from you. Did the gods have something against you? Twenty minutes into the class, you felt yourself on the verge of another coughing fit.

 You raised your hand meekly, and the teacher looked at you, an eyebrow raised in mockery. Your other hand was covering your mouth as you forced the bright blue rose petals down but you couldn’t. You let out a cough, a few petals falling into your hand. Begrudgingly, the teacher lets you go to the bathroom, and you run out the door frantically.

 ‘How pathetic,’ you thought to yourself as you coughed out more petals. The roots were getting deeper, you can tell. You cough harshly once more, and a small rose bud falls onto the tiled bathroom floors. ‘Get over yourself. He won’t look at you twice.’

 But you knew that. You knew that more than the next person. So why… Why couldn’t you get over him? Each cough hurt more than the last, and the toilet was full of small blue petals. Some had small splotches of blood on them, and you could smell the metallic scent of the blood overtaking the soft scent of roses and tears. You wiped your tears with the cuffs of your school blazer. No more, you willed yourself, stepping out of the cubicle.

 Splashing cold water on your face, you let out a breath as you stared at yourself in the mirror. When did you stoop so low? Your eyes were blotched with tears and your cheeks were hollow from not eating. This was just too much. You clenched your eyes closed, tears rolling onto your cheeks as you did. You shook your head; time to get back to class.

 ***

“Hey, are you okay?” Aneko asked gently as you nibbled on your lunch.

 You mustered a smile to please her. “I’m okay.”

 “You had a coughing fit this morning; I don’t think you’re okay.” She gave you a disapproving look and you couldn’t help but flinch under her scrutinising gaze.

 “It’s just a cough. It’ll pass.”

 You can tell she doesn’t believe you, but your silence finishes off the conversation. Well, it should, anyway.

 “(L/N)-san, are you feeling alright?” A voice asks from above you, and you felt your heart drop.

 “Akaashi-san. Yes, I’m okay, thank you.” You don’t look at him, eyes drawn to the bento in front of you as you fought the soft blush on your cheeks.

 “If you keep coughing, the nurse should be able to give you some medicine,” he says gently, his eyes looking at you from above.

 Your eyes flickered to his for a second. “I don’t think there’s a medicine that can help me.”

 He opened his mouth to respond but is pulled away by a loud and boisterous third year. “AKAASHIII!!!”

 “They need you,” you said, closing your bento. “I have to go. Let’s go, Aneko. Thank you for your concern, but I really should get going.”

 “But-”

 “AKAASHIII!”

 He sent you one last look before running after his friend. You just stayed silent, clenching your fists in your lap as Aneko shot you a confused look.

 “I didn’t know you were friends with Akaashi,” she remarked, frowning at you. “What happened?”

 “Aneko,” you murmured, tears prickling your eyes, “do you know of the Hanahaki disease?”

 Her eyes widened. “Don’t tell me…”

 You just sent her a wry smile before running to the bathroom.

 ***

Another disastrous day. The bus was relatively empty on the way home, probably because some of the boys had afterschool volleyball training. Pulling your phone out of your blazer pocket, you opened up Google.

 ‘Is there a way to get rid of the Hanahaki Disease?’

 Multiple sites came up; some were even websites of hospitals that claimed to get rid of the disease.

 You pressed on a tab that seemed to answer your question.

 ‘Surgery can help, but I had a friend who was unable to feel affection after the surgery.’

 ‘You should confess first!’

 ‘The medical bills are really expensive, but it’s worth it.’

 ‘Would you rather suffocate from flower petals or lose the ability to love? My sister did it and she regrets it all.’

 ‘There’s a guy who does it in India for cheap.’

 ‘The cheapest is 150,000 yen. Good luck.’

 You groaned, closing the tab and leaned back in your chair. Could this day get any worse? How were you supposed to get 150,000 yen, anyway? Even if you could afford the surgery, there was no way your parents would even allow you to take it. Hugging your bag closer to your chest, you let out a sigh. The only way to get rid of these emotions was to either have the person love you back, get over him, or surgery. There was, of course, the prospect of drowning yourself in bleach, but you didn’t think that your friends and family would agree to such ‘extreme’ methods.

 ‘Dammit, Akaashi, you’re giving me problems when I need it the least,’ you thought to yourself, as you stepped out of the bus. How long does it take for this disease to kill you, anyway?

 The answer was six months. According to your research, you have had the Hanahaki Disease for a minimum of four months, so you were basically on the verge of death. In other words, you had 2 months to either take the surgery, get him to fall in love with you, or die. The options didn’t seem too promising.

 Your parents weren’t home today, as usual. A note was waiting for you on the kitchen bench and you suppressed a sigh.

 ‘Dinner is in the microwave. Don’t skip your dinner.

~ Love, Dad’

 You skipped dinner anyway.

 ***

School counsellors were really… different. They’re not teachers, but they teach you valuable ‘life lessons’ when you really need it. They’re not nurses but they take care of you when you’re hurt. Well, they take care of you when you’re hurt mentally.

 According to a lot of other students, the counsellor at Fukurodani could either be your best friend or sworn enemy. But at this point, you were desperate. You really needed advice and you couldn’t just ask your friends. No, that wouldn’t work out. After all, they were as insane as you.

 “Tell me whatever you need to tell me,” she said with a gentle smile as you looked around the room that enclosed you.

 The room was really… childish? Ladybug wall stickers decorated the walls topped with  a huge cat poster plastered  by the door. And still you questioned yourself, God, what were you supposed to say?

 You had it rehearsed in your mind, ‘I have the Hanahaki Disease,’ but when it was your turn to talk, your tongue was glued to the roof of your mouth.

 The woman across from you, bless her, just sat there with a patient nod. She handed you a pen and paper. 

“Can you write it for me?” She asks as she puts her glasses on.

 You did as you were told.

 You watched as she read over your scrawl and her jaw dropped. It just… dropped. You’re not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but her jaw dropped as she gaped at you, glasses askew.

 “The Hanahaki Disease… are you sure?”

 You raised an eyebrow as if to ask, ‘I have rose petals coming out of my mouth and you think I’m not sure?’

 She sighed, leaning back in her chair. “You know, that is very dangerous. Have you consulted a doctor? Have you told your parents?”

 “I don’t want to worry anyone,” you mumbled, “my parents aren’t home a lot so they wouldn’t have time to take me to the doctors, and the surgery is pretty-”

 “You’re considering the surgery?” She cut you off, mouth open and surprised but there was more to that; she was… concerned.

 You grimaced. “What else can I do?”

 She raised an unamused eyebrow but a ghost of a smile  spread on her face. “You can try telling him?”

 The thought alone made you feel sick. “I don’t think I can. He obviously doesn’t like me that way.”

 “Have you tried talking to him?” She prompted, taking out a notepad to write in before nodding at you to continue.

 “We only had one decent conversation and that was about English homework. We’ve only talked once outside of school and…” you fell silent, averting your gaze. “Why would he like me, anyway? He has volleyball to put up with, and his grades are perfect. He doesn’t need a love interest entering his life.”

 The counsellor sighed, looking you dead in the eye. “The most important thing for a relationship to bloom is communication. If you can’t hold a conversation now, how is that supposed to help you in the future?”

 You hated it when important people had a point. “It gets worse when I’m near him.”

 “Just imagine you’re talking to a friend,” she said kindly, before proceeding to ask more questions.

 ***

You stepped into the class halfway through your fourth period. All heads turn to you as you lowered your head in embarrassment. Meekly passing the teacher a late slip, you took your seat behind Akaashi Keiji.

 You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything when class ended and everyone packed up to get ready for their next class. However, the first move had already been made.

 “Akaashi was asking about you,” Aneko said as you grabbed more books out of your locker.

 Your eyes widened, flickering to hers for a split second. “What did he say?”

 “He wanted to know if you were alright. I was getting worried too, y’know; you were in the counsellor’s office for a lot longer than I expected.”

 “She wouldn’t stop talking,” you said in a half-hearted explanation. You didn’t want to go into the details.

 “(L/N)-san, you went to the counsellor’s office?”

 You wanted to shrivel up and die. You didn’t prepare for this! What were you supposed to say now?

 Letting out a small breath, you turned around to face him. “Yeah, but I’m okay.”

 “Is your cough getting any better?” He asked gently, peering down at you with concern.

 “Yeah, I’m getting better,” you lied, praying for the little flower growing in your lungs to disappear in this short moment.

 He nodded, “I’m glad. Ah, and I photocopied my notes from the previous classes. They should cover the lessons.”

 You swallowed thickly, fighting the heat that clouded your cheeks. 

 You stuttered out a timid response. “Thank you…”

 He sent you a small smile before taking his seat. You felt sick all over again and coughed out some more petals. Aneko’s eyes watched you with concern as you faked a smile.

 “I’m okay. I don’t need to go to the bathroom for this,” you said, hoping to calm her nerves.

 “I’m taking you to the doctor’s after this, got it? Screw your parents, you need some medical advice,” she deadpanned, her tangerine eyes staring into yours and you can’t help the sigh that escaped your lips.

 “We’ll talk more after class,” you promised before sitting down and going over the notes Akaashi made for you. Your heart hammered in your chest as you read his kanji. Unsurprisingly, it was neat. But then again, what were you expecting from Akaashi Keiji? He seemed to be the type to take everything quite seriously.

 Ten minutes pass. Then twenty… thirty minutes later and you wonder to yourself, I didn’t cough once?

 ***

“How long did you say you had this disease for?” The doctor asked.

 “According to Google, around four months,” you answer, fiddling with your fingers.

 “Any particular reason you didn’t come with your parents?”

 “They had work.”

 Aneko hummed to confirm your statement. “She’s alone for most of the time. That’s why I am here to help!”

 “Right…” the doctor eyed her before turning back to you. “Have you talked to him?”

 “Why do people keep asking me that?” You mutter to yourself, digging your nails into the palms of your hands.

 The doctor let out an exasperated sigh. “Unless you can earn yourself an ungodly amount of money, the only thing you can do is hope to earn his affections. That or the flowers in your lungs will kill you.”

You knew that. The words seemed to fall on deaf ears because, hell, you knew that better than anyone in the room. Were you the only one with this disease? Everyone you talked to, everyone you confided in… they never seemed to have this disease. Your parents were in love with each other as soon as they met. The school counsellor has never been in love with anyone before. Aneko and her boyfriend have known each other since they were kids and fell in love relatively quickly while this doctor makes the Hanahaki Disease sound so simple. As if it was nothing more than just a small phase or bump in one’s life.

 Bull shit.

 You didn’t want this disease any more than the next person. Why? Because the disease hurt; it hurt a lot. The worst thing about it was the fact that there was no actual cure. The disease itself was kill or be killed; kill your feelings, or kill yourself. There was not an actual cure. Scientists didn’t know how the flower itself blossomed in one’s lungs. They didn’t know how to cure it.

 The worst part? The Hanahaki Disease claimed the lives of more people than traffic accidents and suicide combined. People weren’t necessarily scared of the disease. They were just… uneasy and you understood why.

 One thing was for certain though; the Hanahaki Disease was based on genetics. So somewhere along the line, one of your family members was affected by this particular disease. Of course, your parents probably never even thought about the possibility, so they probably didn’t test if you had the gene.

 Man, you really hated your parents sometimes.

 You left the doctor’s office silently, eyes downcast. Your knees trembled from below you and you felt as if you could collapse any minute now.

 “Aneko,” you murmured, stilling yourself and looking at her. “I didn’t cough when he was there.”

 She frowns, “What do you mean?”

 “When Akaashi was next to me, I didn’t cough a single petal. Not even once did I cough. I only did when class ended.” You showed her a weak smile before continuing. “It probably doesn’t mean anything though, does it?”

 “This is why you need to talk to him,” she said before stepping in front of you with her hands on her hips. “You’re dying, (Y/N). That isn’t something you should be taking lightly.”

 “I know,” you whispered, avoiding her eyes. “It’s not that easy you know. He has things to do and… he doesn’t need this right now.”

 She nodded, continuing to walk down the street. “I’m a pretty shitty friend, huh?”

 Your eyes widened, and you gape at her. 

 Quickening your pace to catch up to her, you glared. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 “I don’t know how you’re feeling right now. I’ve never been in your situation and I… what am I supposed to say to you?” Her voice is rising and you noticed that she had stopped walking altogether. “You’re always the one taking the shots and helping me. You’re the one who introduced me to Eito. You’re the one who stays up late to help me with the assignments I put off. You’re the one helping everyone with their problems. You’re always giving, (Y/N), you’re always the one who puts others in front of yourself!”

 Tears leaked out the sides of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.  You opened your mouth to say something but she cuts you off.

 “This is the one time you’re meant to be selfish. This is the one time you’re supposed to put yourself first. All you do is give! People –” she choked on her tears before saying – “people envy you, you know? I envy you! You’re usually so happy… you’re so willing to help others, even if they’ve done you so much wrong!” 

She wiped her tears with her arms, but they kept coming. “This – this is the one time you need help with something and I can’t even do anything!”

 She’s crying harder and all you can do is watch on. Fat tears dropped to the cemented ground as she wails louder. “Be selfish for once, (Y/N)! Please… I can’t lose you!”

 You’re crying now, too, but you don’t realise it until you taste the salty tears from the corner of your mouth. They spilled silently as you watch Aneko, your best friend, sob into the sleeves of her jumper . 

 If anyone was around, they would think that you were weirdos. Two random teenage girls crying their eyes out in the middle of the street wasn’t a natural occurrence. 

 You wipe your tears away with the back of your hand and offer her the most realistic smile you could muster. “Let’s head home, okay? We can binge that sports anime you’ve been meaning to watch.”

 She sniffs, the last of her tears splashing to the floor. “Okay.”

 *** 

You’re both late to school the next morning but you don’t really care. Aneko leaves at 5am to sneak into her house that was two blocks away from yours. You’re racing to gather your things so that you can do your homework in the bus. 

 After puking out another bucketful of rose petals in the bathroom, you’re bolting out the door to catch the bus. There were more places to sit now, and if this was any other circumstance, you would have sat as far away from Akaashi as you could. 

 ‘TALK TO HIM!’ You order yourself and you do before you could change your mind. 

 You pulled out your geography homework. From the corner of your eye, you note how Akaashi’s eyes do an onceover of your work. Trying to block him out, you began to answer the questions. 

 What metropolitan area is the largest in the world not bordering a body of water?

 What the heck? You blanched at the question. You don’t remember this being in the textbook! You screamed internally, and you have half a mind to pull out your phone to do some research. 

 “The answer is Johannesburg, South America,” a voice from beside you says helpfully. 

 You look up, your eyes are met with gentle navy eyes. Your cheeks burn as you look away. How is it possible to have such pretty eyes? 

 “Oh… thanks,” you mumble, and you let out a breath. “Hey, Akaashi?”

 His eyes widen and he clears his throat. “Yes? Is everything okay?”

 “Uh… thank you again for photocopying your notes! It was really nice of you! I would’ve gotten them from Aneko, but her handwriting is… questionable,” you laughed lightly, easing yourself into the conversation. “Thanks for caring, is all I’m trying to say.”

 The smallest of smiles makes its way onto his face and he looks at you with sincerity. “I’ll always care, you know?”

“Wait, really?” You blink twice at him, confusion swirling in your chest.  

 He nodded at you, looking out the window. “I care more than you think.”

 ***

The conversation replayed in your head over and over again, and you can’t help but stare dreamily out the window. When lunch began, Aneko snapped her fingers in your face, bringing you out of your daze. You flush, looking up at her as she grinned down at you.

 “So… what happened with Lover Boy over there?”

 “Nothing,” you wave her off, trying to ignore the blood that rushed to your cheeks. “We just… talked.”

 She wiggled her eyebrows at you teasingly. “So are you guys, like, together yet?”

 “It’s not that easy,” you mutter, raising an eyebrow at her. “Love doesn’t just appear, it builds over several conversations and it takes time.”

 “Not all the time; Eito and I had love at first sight,” she swooned lightly, and you rolled your eyes at her antics. “Anyway!” She exclaimed, slapping the table. “You have to talk to him more! You like him, right?”

 “Obviously,” you deadpanned, giving her a look of amusement.

 “Then go talk to him!”

 With that, she pulled you out of your chair and pushed you out of the room.

 You rolled your eyes, “That wasn’t very Plus Ultra of you.”

 “(L/N)-san?” 

 You spun around to face the person, a small smile on your face. “Hi, Akaashi-san! Yeah, Aneko threw me out of the classroom.”

 “Oh, I see,” he nodded in understanding.

 “AKAASHIII!”

 You jolted out of surprise, eyes widening when you see a third year look down at you.

 Akaashi let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Bokuto-san. What are you doing here?”

 “What’s wrong with seeing you? You’re annoyed of me, right?” A pout rested on his face, and you couldn’t help but question his strange hairstyle as you looked up at him.

 “Um… hello? You’re Bokuto Koutarou, right? The captain of the volleyball team?” You forced a friendly smile.

 “You must be (L/N) (Y/N)! Akaashi talks a lot about you!” He grinned at you with an owlish expression.

 You felt your cheeks tinge red. “Really?”

 “That’s enough, Bokuto-san. You’re scaring her,” Akaashi sighed before turning to you. “Ignore him. Do you want to watch our volleyball practice after school? You seem to be interested.”

 You flush pink. “I don’t want to be a bother…”

 “I invited you. It’ll be fine.” A small smile made its way onto his face. “I’ll take you after school.”

 You grinned, “Okay!”

 ***  

Aneko beamed at you, pinching your cheeks while she was at it. “Aw, (Y/N), I’m so proud!”

 You rolled your eyes, pushing her hands away from your face. “He invited me to watch his volleyball practice; it’s not that big of a deal.”

 “It is when you like him!” She cheered, the smile on her face widening. “You’re gonna cure that dumb disease and you’re gonna get a hot boyfriend. I rate that ten out of ten.”

 You don’t respond, instead finding your phone much more interesting.

 “Huh? What are you doing? (Y/N)…” You could practically hear the pout in Aneko’s voice.

 You moved your hand away, blocking the screen so that she couldn’t see who you were texting. “I’m not doing anything.”

 “Then show me!” She whined, before a sly smirk rested on her lips. “Oh, I see. You’re texting Akaashi, right?”

 “What makes you think that?” You flushed, looking away from her.

 Aneko grinned, patting your head in jest. “Have fun with him, (Y/N)! Don’t forget me, alright?”

 You couldn’t help but laugh, knocking her hand once more. “Alright, alright. Now go away, Eito is waiting for you.”

 She nodded, brushing her mousey brown hair out of her face. “Text me tonight, yeah?”

 You hummed in agreement before turning back to your phone.

 “(Y/N)-san,” a voice called out, and you felt your cheeks redden.

 You let out a breath before smiling up at the setter. “You don’t have to add honorifics, Akaashi-san. We’re friends, right?”

 “Then call me Keiji,” he offered, looking down at you.

 “Keiji,” you said slowly before nodding. “Then call me (Y/N).”

 “I’ve always liked your name,” he remarked nonchalantly. “Come on, we have to get to the gym, okay?”

 With a slight skip in your step, you followed him to the Gym 03. He slid the door open, revealing multiple yellow and blue balls flying over volleyball nets. They flew from all directions, and stray balls seemed to be more dangerous than the actual people. The people in the volleyball team were tall, big, and intimidating. You couldn’t help the little shiver that crept up your spine.

 You felt a hand rest on your shoulder and you looked up at Akaashi. He sent a reassuring smile your way.

 “They’re not as scary as they look,” he promised, taking you up to the high rises. “They’re a bunch of babies when you get to know them.”

 You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your mouth. “I’ll take your word for it, then.”

 Watching from above, you noticed the way everyone on the team worked together; how they cheered each other on and the way they dealt with Bokuto… everyone was a lot friendlier than you thought they were.

 But all the peace and happiness you held was cut short as your stomach lurched and you felt your heart thunder in your chest. Your lungs suddenly started wheezing for air and you stumbled down the stairs. Trying your best to open the gym door as inconspicuously as possible, you bolted to the nearest bathroom to empty your lungs.

 You gasped for air, coughing wildly as petals spilled out of your mouth and onto the walkway. Droplets of blood fell into the palms of your hands before inking the ground. Thorns tumbled out of your mouth, scratching and wounding your throat as you staggered to the bathroom, the metallic taste of blood filling your mouth and taking over your senses. Your left hand leaned against the side of the gym, and you tried your best to stabilize yourself, but trying seemed to be futile.

 Sobbing from the pain, you fell to your knees as petals and rose buds fell out of your mouth. God, this could not be happening right now.  

 Breathing heavily, you furiously wiped the tears and sweat off your face. You looked around you at the mess of blood, flowers, and thorns. You stared at the dark green thorns that scattered around you, and you couldn’t help but feel another wave of dread wash over you. Why…? Why was the disease getting worse? You thought that everything was getting better; Akaashi was talking to you more and you were making so much progress with him as well! So why was it getting worse?

 You sucked in a breath, trying to regulate your breathing as you wiped your tears away. Your lungs burned in your chest as you got up from the ground, trying your best to clean the mess you made.  Somehow managing to make it look like someone didn’t commit murder with a bouquet of flowers, you made your way back to the gym.

 Forcing a smile, you slid the gym door open. All eyes turned to you and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks.

 “Um… I had to go to the bathroom,” you said shakily, avoiding any and all eye contact.

 “You were gone for a while,” Akaashi noted, “are you feeling alright?”

 “Yeah, I just needed to get some air, y’know?” You faked a laugh before waving him off. “I’m fine, really. Go back to practice, Keiji.”

 He nodded silently, glancing back at you for a split second.

 “AKAASHIII! It’s your serve!” Bokuto exclaimed. “NICE SERVE!”

 Picking up the ball, Akaashi let his eyes wander to you as you sat at the high rises. He felt his heart tug in his chest as he threw up the ball to serve.

 Don’t lie to me.

 *** 

Practice ended a while later, and you had done your best to not gawk at your long-time crush. Sure, you have seen his games before, but that was live on a screen. This was different. Here you could feel the thud of the balls as they hit the floor violently, and you could feel the heat and exhaustion leaking off the players; you don’t feel that kind of thing through a screen. 

 “Thank you for letting me watch your practice,” you said, bowing respectfully at the coach and the two managers. 

 They smiled, and the coach replied, “You’re welcome back any time.”

 “(Y/N), I can walk you to the bus stop if you would like?”

 You felt yourself panic internally as you stood in front of the open door. You didn’t need to turn around to know who it was but you do anyway.

 Opening your mouth to say ‘no’, you found that the only word that escaped your voice box was, “Sure.”

 “I’ll change first, and then we can go.”

 You answered with a slight nod, and the pain you felt just moments ago filled your thoughts. Shaking the feeling off, you waited by the gym doors.

 “So, you and Akaashi?”

 You felt your heart leap to your throat as you spun around to face the person. It was Suzumeda Kaori, one of the team managers on the volleyball team. She smirked at you, sending you a knowing look.

 “We’re just friends,” you said bashfully, but on the inside you wished that what she said was true.

 She didn’t believe you for a second, “Really?” She asked drily, the smirk on her face widening by a second. “So… you don’t like him?”

 “I… never said that,” you said under your breath, and you felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment. “We’re just friends though. I doubt he even knew I existed until a few weeks ago.”

 “Huh,” she remarked, before picking up a stray volleyball. “Whatever you say, (L/N)-chan.”

 “(Y/N), are you ready?” Another voice cut in, and you nodded your answer to the question.

 The walk to the bus stop was calm as the cherry blossoms fell and drifted over the two of you. It was nice, to say the least. Every so often, you found yourself glancing at the setter through the corner of your eye before forcing your gaze to  turn back to the path. You groaned internally. You were falling harder, and the fact that you practically had a ticking time bomb planted in your lungs wasn’t helping.

 “I’ve noticed you and Bokuto are really close. When did you meet?” You cringed slightly at the poor excuse of a conversation starter, but he didn’t seem to mind.

 “I met him last year when I first went to the club. He said that my tosses were good,” he smiled slightly at the memory, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

 “That’s pretty cool. He’s really loud, so I was surprised when I found out you were both friends.” You let out a small laugh.

 He nodded in understanding, “I get that a lot. He’s not that bad when you get to know him. When I introduced you, you looked pretty intimidated.”

 “I was… surprised. He’s really loud and he’s quite the character.”

 “He’s a good guy; and he’s reliable.”

 “I’ll take your word for it.”

 Silence is the only thing that followed as you waited at the bus stop. Akaashi had taken sudden interest in his shoes, and you were trying to wrack your brain for a conversation starter.

 “I forgot to ask,” he said, cutting the silence. “Are you feeling any better?”

 You blinked at him, clueless for a moment before it dawned on you. “Oh, yeah, I told you I was fine, didn’t I?” You shot him a reassuring smile. “I was just feeling light headed in the gym. It was really warm.”

 “Ah, right, that makes sense. I’m glad you’re feeling okay, (Y/N).”

 Why was he able to make something as simple as your name sound nice? Blood rushed to your cheeks as the bus pulled to a stop, and the both of you took a seat. Cheeks still flushed red, you focused your vision on the window. There were a few scratch marks here and there, and you watched as the cars drove past. Red car, blue car, black car, black car, white ca-

 “Are you hungry?” A calm voice questioned from beside you.

 You opened your mouth to answer, but you didn’t need to.

 Your stomach growled at the mention of food. 

 Keiji chuckled softly before handing you a curry bun. “Here.”

 You eyed it warily, “Do you have one? I don’t want to eat your lunch or anything… and you’re the one who was doing the physical activity.”

 “I have one right here,” he said, pulling out an identical bun. “Have it.”

 You hesitated, but took it gratefully, taking small nibbles. “Thanks.”

  The rest of the bus ride was relatively quiet, the both of you having small snippets of conversation throughout the ride. The bus lurched to a stop, and you glanced outside the window to check what stop you were at.

 “Ah, this is my stop, Keiji. Thank you for accompanying me; it was really nice of you.” You grinned, showing a clumsy bow before picking up your bag. “Thanks for the food as well!”

 “You don’t have to thank me, (Y/N). I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” He smiled gently.

 With a final wave, you stepped off the bus before making your way to your house, cheeks warm and a goofy smile on your face.

 Meanwhile, Akaashi sat in the bus, staring wistfully out the window. With a final sigh, he picked up his phone and clicked ‘call’ on a particular contact.

 “Bokuto-san. I need your help.”

***

You returned to school the next day, expecting for the day to be the same as every other one but when you stepped into the classroom, you found a strange biological piece of matter on your table.

 A single blue rose with all the thorns cut off on your desk. It was just… sitting there. You suddenly felt sick. Who the hell confesses to someone with a blue rose? Albeit, it was a very pretty flower, but it wasn’t something one would confess with. That is, if this one was a confession. What happened to the red and white roses at the flower shop? It was nowhere near Valentine’s Day or White Day, so there shouldn’t be a shortage of supply.

 The only conclusion you could make was the fact that someone knew about your disease. Someone must have seen you. Your stomach churned with anxiety as you picked up the rose. There wasn’t a note to go with it, so there was no way for you to find out who delivered it to you. Then again, the rose might not have been for you.

 “Ooh, Whatcha got there?”

 You yelped at the sound of your best friend’s voice, nearly dropping the flower in your hands.

 “Don’t creep up on me,” you grumbled, shooting a glare at her.

 Aneko grinned, plucking the rose from your hands. “What’s this? From a secret admirer, maybe?”

 “I think someone knows,” you said abruptly, crossing your arms over your chest. “Did you tell anyone?”

 “What? You know I don’t talk to anyone but you and Eito and I didn’t mention anything to him.” She frowned, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe Akaashi knows?”

 “Why would he know?”

 “He invited you yesterday to watch practice. You did say that you had a coughing fit right?” A sly smirk made its way onto her face. “Maybe he got worried when you left the gym and followed you.”

 You let out a sigh as you took a seat at your desk. Resting your chin on the palm of your hand, you looked at her expectantly. “He wouldn’t like me; he probably just thinks of me as a friend.”

 Bending down to reach eye level with you, she flicked your forehead, and you yelped in pain. “Stop being a baby and tell him.”

 “It’s not that easy!” You countered, rubbing the area she flicked. “I can’t just magically make the disease go away by confessing. He has to like me too!”

 “You’re not making it any easier,” Aneko pointed out.

 You shot her a fiery look, hitting the top of her head with a maths textbook. “Shut up, Aneko.”

 She pouted at you before taking her seat. Akaashi entered the classroom moments later, taking his usual seat in front of you. You felt your heart hammer within your chest as you stared at his usual unruly mop of black hair.

 You did your best to focus on the task at hand. However, trying to focus on a class you had zero interest in was becoming a problem. Staring at your very blank page of paper, you were very close to screaming. What was the lesson on again? Was this maths or geography?

 “Ah, (Y/N), Eito wanted to talk to me about something. I’ll see you later!” Aneko exclaimed, and you brought yourself out of your reverie.

 “Wait what?” You glanced around, but the classroom was pretty much empty. 

“Wait, Aneko-”

But she was already out the door. You groaned, hitting your forehead against your table in frustration.

 “I really should have paid attention,” you muttered to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut.

 A small shuffling sound next to you snapped you out of your daydream and you looked up at the person.

 “Keiji?” You couldn’t bring yourself to say another thing, your mouth opening and closing as you thought of what to say.

 “You seemed to have trouble with the lesson,” he said gently, holding a book out to you.

 You blinked at it warily before gingerly taking it. “You don’t have to do all this for me. And… how did you know that I couldn’t concentrate?”

 “Aneko,” he responded, looking at you intently. “You can borrow my notes.”

 You watched as his eyes wandered to the rose that was on your lap and you felt your cheeks burn. “Ah, this is nothing! It was on my desk and I guess someone put it there. I don’t know who, but-”

 “Do you like it?” He asked, his eyes ghosting over your face.

 “Yeah… it’s a shame it probably isn’t meant for me, though.” You offer a shy smile.

 He nodded briskly before patting your shoulder. “Do you want to watch practice again today?”

 “Really?”

 “Why not? It gave everyone else motivation and you enjoyed it, right?”

 “Yeah, I did! It was really cool watching everyone work together like that; your tosses were amazing! It seemed to get the whole team to bond. You’re really focused on the court. I guess you have to be when you’re the control centre of the team.” You shut your mouth abruptly, and your cheeks reddened even further. “Sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I?”

 “I don’t mind,” he said tenderly, a strange fondness on his features. “We’ll go to the gym together at the end of the day.”

 You beamed. “I look forward to it!”

 ***

The rest of the day goes smoothly. Well, as smooth as it could be. Halfway in your third period, you choked on a thorn and had to be excused for a full half-hour before returning to the class. For most people in the class, you were either faking to skip class or you were genuinely sick. Strangely enough, your teachers seemed to understand  your situation and didn’t question when you left the class randomly.

 Wonderful, you thought to yourself for the umpteenth time as all heads turned to you when you had returned to class, I’m absolutely pathetic.

 You could still taste blood when you walked with Keiji to the gym, but holy shit, you wished that this could end.

 And you realised that maybe it would end; very, very soon.

 “Akaashi-kun!” A high pitched voice rang in your ears and you flinched slightly.

 You and Keiji were just about to leave the school when a girl with bouncy yellow curls pushed her way between the two of you. You blinked, confused and rather insulted as you stumbled backwards, watching the girl cling onto Akaashi’s arm. You watched as his jaw clenched in agitation.

 “Can I talk to you?” The girl asked with a sickeningly sweet smile as she side-glanced you before hissing, “Alone.”

 He nodded wordlessly as he followed the girl.

 You were no stalker; you were no eavesdropper either. Looking up at their retreating figures, you tried to find a reason as to why you should stay put. Your lovesick brain didn’t have a good enough reason.

 “Akaashi-san, I like you!”

 You choked as you clapped a hand over your mouth when you heard her high-pitched voice screech a confession.

 “Thank you, but I like someone else,” Keiji’s monotone voice said, and you let out a breath of relief.

 That was good, right? Maybe it was you! Or maybe it won’t be. You groan inwardly, steeling yourself as you listened to their conversation.

 “I’m sure I can be better than her!” The girl exclaimed and you rolled your eyes.

 “I’m sorry, but I like her very much.”

 Oh. You slowly made your way back to where Akaashi had left you, thoughts running through your mind. How were you supposed to compete against her? 

 Moments later, Akaashi returned to your side, hands stuffed in his volleyball jacket. 

 “Did you wait long?” 

 “No, not really. The bus is coming, we should go.”

 He nodded, wordlessly walking beside you. The silence that followed was, to say the least, awkward. You had a feeling he knew you were listening in to his conversation, and he knew you were uneasy about the entire situation. Tugging nervously at your bag strap, you couldn’t help the glances you sent from the corners of your eyes. 

 “Hey, Keiji,” you interrupted the silence and he turned to you, eyebrows raised as a signal to continue. “Uh… do you want my number? You can tell me when you have practice so I can bring extra food.”

  “I don’t mind bringing you food, (Y/N),” he said, but a small smile was etched on his face. “I’ll give you my number, too then.”

 And so, numbers were exchanged and the apples of your cheeks were flushed in happiness. That was progress, right?

 The bus pulled to a stop, and you hopped up from your seat. “Thanks for walking me to the bus again. See you tomorrow!”

 Dropping your bag to the floor, you slumped onto your bed, a small yawn slipping from your mouth. 

 From: Akaashi Keiji 

Did you make it inside safely?

 You grinned at your phone, quickly typing in a response.

                                                                                                    To: Akaashi Keiji

                                                                                                                        Yep! 

                                                                                                    To: Akaashi Keiji

                                                        Thanks again for letting me come to practice!

 From: Akaashi Keiji

Do you want to come to practice tomorrow?

 You couldn’t hold back your squeal.

 *** 

Three weeks passed in a blink of an eye and your friendships with the volleyball team grew. Aneko was still going out with Eito, and that would mark their second year of dating. Unsurprisingly, they dragged you into their two year anniversary, so you were forced to third wheel with them. That was when Aneko found out that you and Akaashi were texting a lot. She gave you hell for it.

 “Four weeks,” Aneko remarked suddenly, crossing her legs as she rested against your bed.

 You glanced up from your homework, “What do you mean?”

 “You have exactly four months to live.” Hugging the pillow in her arms tighter, she looked up at you. “What are you gonna do about it?”

 “What am I supposed to do about it?” You mutter, spinning your chair around to face her. “I’ve done everything I could.”

 “But you haven’t even told him yet!” She countered, clenching her fists.

 “I don’t have to tell him anymore! He…” You trailed off, recalling the words he spoke a few weeks prior. 

                                                   “I like her very much.”

 His words carwled back into your mind and you managed a wry smile. “He said he liked someone. That’s all I heard.”

 “How do you know she isn’t you?” Jumping up from the floor, she shot you a pointed look. “Tell him you like him. There’s no point in both of you liking each other and not acknowledging it by confessing.” 

 “But what if it isn’t me? I’ll ruin a perfectly good friendship,” you argued, folding your arms over your chest as you reciprocated the look.

 She groaned, grabbing hold of your shoulders. “Then he doesn’t deserve you. You have to tell him! The whole story!”

 “No promises,” you laughed, shaking her hands off of you. “Get off!”

 She rolled her eyes, the smile seemingly stuck on her face. “I’m really happy for you, (Y/N).”

 “Thanks, Aneko,” you grinned up at her, “You’ve always supported me with everything.”

 “Then support me with a meal!”

 “Fine.”

 *** 

 Fortunately for you and Aneko, Akaashi had invited you to his usual Wednesday practice with the volleyball team. The whole team treated you like an extra manager, asking you to bring refills if they really needed it. Despite knowing that there were already two managers, you were perfectly happy with helping them out while you could. However, while the team was fine with you joining practice upon invitation, people seemed to take their enthusiasm for you being there an invitation in itself.

 One of those people just happened to be Etsudo Emiko, the blonde girl who confessed to Keiji a few weeks ago. After he plainly rejected her the first time, she decided to take it upon herself to barge into the after school volleyball training. Unfortunately, when the other managers complained about her being a distraction to the team, Etsudo brought up the fact that you were allowed to watch the practices freely. As much as the coach wanted to take their side, he knew that the only way to get rid of Etsudo was to stop allowing you to attend the practices. The problem was, while Etsudo did virtually nothing to help the team, you motivated the team in multiple ways. 

 Nevertheless, Etsudo was allowed to attend the volleyball practices if she didn’t bring anyone else to which she swiftly agreed. Hence, the three weeks of patience testing began.

 “Keiji! You did so good!” Etsudo’s high pitched voice reverberated through the gym.

 The rest of the team let out quiet groans as the girl ran down the stairs to latch onto the setter’s arm. He let out a frustrated sigh, tugging his arm away from her. Not relinquishing, she trailed after him, completely unabashed.

 “Am I the only one who hates her?” Kaori asked, her nose scrunching in disgust as she pumped a volleyball with more air. “You’re the one who likes Akaashi. I’m surprised you can even stand to be in the same room as her.”

 “She’s totally annoying,” Shirofuku Yukie, the other manager, remarked. “The whole team knows that there’s something going on between you and Akaashi.”

 You managed a small smile, “There’s nothing going on between Keiji and me. He probably doesn’t even like me that way.”

 The both gave you a piercing look. “Are you stupid?” They asked together. 

 You don’t respond, eyes trailing back to Keiji. Etsudo was still clinging onto him, pouting up at him with her big green eyes. 

 A small cough erupted from your throat, and a lone petal found its way into the palm of your hand. 

 “I have to go to the bathroom,” you said awkwardly, dropping the ball you were holding to the floor. 

 “Are you-” 

 “I’m fine,” you responded by default, “I’ll be back in ten.”

 With that, you ran out of the gym, a hand over your mouth as more petals dared to fall. 

 Why was the bathroom so far away? 

 You gasped for air as petals and thorns spilled to the ground, your tears following after them. Blue rose buds stained with blood escaped your throat as the metallic taste filled your mouth as dark red thorns scraped the delicate skin. The pads of your fingers dig into the red brick wall, the skin scratching as you dropped to your knees.

 Despite the obvious pain and the salty tears that streaked down your cheeks, you couldn’t help the sarcastic laugh that you let out. 

 “Déjà vu really is the worst.”

 A violent cough erupted once more, and you inhaled a shaky breath as more petals drifted to the concrete floor. As they did, the gentle patting of footsteps distracted you for a moment before the footsteps stopped directly beside you. Panic rose inside your chest. You needed an explanation! 

 While you wracked your brain for an excuse, a hand rested in the middle of your back. 

 “Breathe, (Y/N),” a gentle voice whispered. 

 If you died now, would Aneko kill you? 

 … Probably.

 Your coughing died down after several minutes, and you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. 

 “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, eyes trained to the mess in front of you. 

 “What are you sorry for?” Akaashi questioned, crouching down to be level with you. 

 “I’m disturbing practice, aren’t I? What’s Bokuto gonna do without you?” You shot a teasing smile at him, but it didn’t quite meet your eyes. 

 Keiji sighed at your answer. “Don’t answer with another question, (Y/N).”

 “Sorry,” you said automatically, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

 “Who is it?”

 “What?” You stuttered out a response, looking up at him for a second.

 “Who is it?” He repeated, his gunmetal eyes boring into yours.

 “Why do you want to know?” You asked, getting up from the ground to gather your mess. “It’s not important, anyway.”

 He was silent as he rose to his full 6 feet form looming over you. “Not important?” He repeated, mostly to himself than to you. “How can you say that about yourself?”

 “Well I’m obviously not lying,” you countered, pointing to the floral monstrosity at your feet.

 The muscles in his jaw tightened, and you noticed the way played with his fingers. He was worried – nervous, maybe. “You can die from this. I’m not as oblivious as you think I am.”

 A sarcastic laugh erupts from your throat, but it comes out more as a strangled chuckle. “Sure, Akaashi. Whatever you want to believe.”

 The look on his face darkens, and you avert your eyes from his. When was the last time you used his last name? His watchful eyes glanced over your face, trying to read your emotions. If he could read Bokuto, he would be able to read you, right?

 Absolutely.

 “I know you’re scared, (Y/N). You need help to get better.”

 “Do I, though?” The eye roll you pulled off had you feeling a little guilty, but at this point you were done with everything. “I don’t need to get better.”

 “Why do you keep saying that?” He demanded, the tension in the air growing thicker by the second.

 “Maybe because it’s true!”

 “I’m saying it’s not!”

 He let out a frustrated grunt, eyes shutting for a moment as he thought of what to say. “You mean a lot to everyone.”

 You scoff, “really?”

 “Have you thought about Aneko-san, your parents, the team? What about-” He stops short, shutting his jaw closed as he averted his gaze.

 “What about what?” You ask tentatively, your eyes still fixated on the mess in front of you.

 “… Me.”

 Your eyes flickered to him, the slight hunch of his shoulders as he stood.

 “Have you…” A forced smile made its way onto your face. “Have you considered the possibility that he might be you?”

 The silence that followed seemed to taunt you and you berated yourself internally. Did you hear wrong? Did he say something else? Maybe you were mistaken.

 In split seconds, you felt a pair of gentle arms surround you, wrapping you in warm embrace. You had the slight temptation to laugh – were you in some shoujo manga or something? But instead, you return the hug, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

 “I really like you, Keiji.”

 “… I really like you too.” 

***

~The End~

​Copyright Disclaimer:

All characters except for the reader and my OC’s (listed below) are the work of Haruichi Furudate (古館春一). This is not part of the canon work by any means. I do not claim ownership over the characters or the Haikyuu storyline and plot. Without Furudate Sensei’s work, myself as well as many other writers are unable to create these stories.

 My OC’s:

Fukuhara Aneko(福原あねこ)

Hasegawa Sakura (長谷川さくら)

Emiko Etsudo (えつどうえみこ)

[kjack89]

Personal Gain (Chapter 5/6)

Yeah, it’s definitely gonna be six chapters.

Happy Halloween! Hope you are all having a fun, safe celebration!

Modern magic AU, developing E/R and Courferre. Read Chapter 1 here, Chapter 2 here, Chapter 3 here and Chapter 4 here (or catch up on AO3).

The key to most physical magic with inanimate objects was understanding that at least one of the components was once alive. Sure, it was several million years back in some cases, but as the quote went, ‘we are all stardust’ blah blah blah. 

Courfeyrac didn’t remember the exact quote, but the sentiment was what mattered. And the sentiment was what was going to allow him to break into Enjolras’s apartment. 

All it took was a little persuasion to remind the metal in the lock that it had once lived in the earth before it was dug up and smelted, and it was easy enough after that to politely request that it unlock for him. Combeferre had tried to figure the process out once and almost had a nervous breakdown; he’d had an easier time understanding one of Joly’s stranger theories of magnetism.

But the important thing was that it worked, and Courfeyrac slipped into Enjolras’s apartment, a handful of already-spelled, nondescript crystals ready to cast and maintain the spell that would finally force Enjolras and Grantaire to admit to each other what they thus far had refused to.

Courfeyrac grinned triumphantly as he glanced around. He already knew Enjolras was out, having sent Combeferre to meet up with him for coffee, and Grantaire and Bahorel had a standing boxing match to keep him occupied, which left Courfeyrac with about forty-five minutes to get the crystals placed and ensure the spell was cast.

He doubted it would take him even a fraction of that time.

Four crystals were carefully placed in the cardinal sides of the apartment: along the north wall, tucked on a bookshelf behind a few first year law textbooks that Courfeyrac doubted Enjolras had opened in close to a decade; as far east as the apartment went, dropped into the tank of the toilet in the bathroom (Courfeyrac couldn’t help but giggle as he did so); in the south of the apartment, placed behind the alarm clock in Enjolras’s bedroom; and the west, in the kitchen pantry behind a stack of expired ramen. 

“Disgusting,” Courfeyrac said, wrinkling his nose as he shifted the ramen packets back into place. “Hopefully Grantaire actually feeds you real food when you two finally get together.”

The fifth and final crystal went in as central a location as Courfeyrac could manage, hidden in the pot of some houseplant, almost certainly a gift from Jehan at some point, that Enjolras had not yet managed to kill. After Courfeyrac pressed the crystal into the soil, and ran his fingers over the leaves, frowning at how dry they were. “Perk up,” he ordered, passing some vitality into the plant, the leaves almost instantly perking up and greening.

Satisfied, Courfeyrac straightened, glancing around the apartment. There was something odd about it, something Courfeyrac couldn’t quite put his finger on, and he frowned slightly, trying to place what felt like it was missing. Then his phone vibrated in his pocket, and he dug it out, reading the text from Combeferre. Enjolras ended coffee early. He’s on his way back. Get out of there.

Courfeyrac slid his phone back in his pocket and glanced around one more time. “Alright, one last test,” he said aloud. He paused, trying to think of what to say. “I hate—” The words seemed heavy in his mouth, and he couldn’t seem to get out what he was trying to say.

Meaning the honesty spell was working.

He nodded officiously and headed out, closing the door after him with a satisfied snap. He placed his hand on the door, the wood grain warm underneath his palm. “Thank you,” he whispered, grinning as he heard the lock slide back into the place.

His job there was done. Now all he had to do was wait.

----------

If he was being honest, Courfeyrac expected for Enjolras and Grantaire to walk into the next Les Amis meeting holding hands and blushing as they told their friends that they were dating. 

“You’re an idiot,” Combeferre told him as he glanced expectantly at the doorway, almost vibrating with excitement.

“Better an idiot than a cynic,” Courfeyrac shot back.

Combeferre gasped with mock-outrage. “You take that back, he said, and Courfeyrac grinned, thought he straightened when he saw Enjolras.

Who came in alone.

Scrolling through his phone.

And looking like absolutely nothing was different.

“Told you so,” Combeferre muttered, and Courfeyrac elbowed him.

“Hey Enj,” he said brightly as Enjolras approached. “How are you doing?”

Enjolras just grunted as he sat down, not looking up from his phone. “Did you see this about the 8th Circuit Court of Appeals and vote by mail ballots in Minnesota?” he demanded, gesturing at his phone as if Combeferre and Courfeyrac could read whatever was on his screen.

“Uh, no,” Courfeyrac said, glancing over at Combeferre, whose expression was resigned. “Have you seen Grantaire recently?”

“Huh?” Enjolras said distractedly. “No, uh, I actually have seen him in a few days.”

Now Combeferre and Courfeyrac exchanged startled looks. “Really?” Combeferre asked doubtfully. “Did you two have a fight?”

“The only fight that I have is with the courts and their asinine rulings,” Enjolras said with a scowl, still looking down at his phone as he furiously typed something.

Combeferre cleared his throat and stood, gesturing for Courfeyrac to join him. “Care to explain?” he asked when they were out of Enjolras’s earshot.

Courfeyrac shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe Grantaire’s been busy?” he suggested. “It just seems like they haven’t spent a lot of time together recently, and this plan relies on them being together.”

“It sure does,” Combeferre said, with something like disapproval. “And, uh, did you consider what would happen if they didn’t spend any time together?”

Courfeyrac stared at him. “Look, even if they’ve fought recently or something like that, Grantaire will wander back into Enjolras’s apartment eventually.” Combeferre didn’t look convinced and Courfeyrac nudged him. “C’mon. Trust me. It’s only been a few days. It’ll be fine.”

Combeferre opened his mouth to say something but at that moment, Joly, Grantaire and Bossuet spilled into the room, all seeming in their usual good spirits, and Courfeyrac glanced over at Combeferre, smirking slightly. “See? He’s just been busy.”

“If you say so,” Combeferre said, following him back to their seats.

----------

Two weeks later, Courfeyrac was beginning to think that Combeferre was right, and he hated when Combeferre was right.

Enjolras was just as distracted as ever, barely spending any time at Les Amis meetings before disappearing, assumedly to his apartment, and Grantaire seemed to be spending most of his time with his other friends, his mood getting darker and darker as the days went on.

Whatever fight they’d had, clearly it was enough for Grantaire to be avoiding Enjolras’s apartment, thus casting doubt that Courfeyrac’s plan was going to work.

“How long is this going to go on for?” Combeferre asked Courfeyrac in an undertone as Enjolras discussed something about Poland’s abortion ban with Feuilly while Grantaire watched them, nursing a beer, his expression dark. 

Courfeyrac sighed, stirring his drink with his straw. “Well, the spell only lasts for about two more weeks before I’d need to renew it,” he said with another sigh. “But I don’t want either of them to spend two more weeks like this.” He scowled as Grantaire drained his beer. “I don’t know why this is happening. This plan was supposed to be foolproof!”

“In fairness, you didn’t plan for Enjolras and Grantaire having some kind of fight that’s kept Grantaire from going to Enjolras’s apartment,” Combeferre said reasonably. “Maybe you can talk to Grantaire, see if you can find out what happened and, you know, fix it?”

“What, use my magic on whatever they’re fighting about?” Courfeyrac asked skeptically.

Combeferre gave him a look. “I meant talking to him and getting him to make up with Enjolras. All magic aside, you’re generally pretty good at that.”

Courfeyrac considered it. “Well, it can’t hurt,” he agreed, tossing back his drink and going to join Grantaire. “You look like you need a refill,” he said by way of greeting, and Grantaire looked up at him, smiling slightly.

“You read my mind,” he said, standing up and grabbing his empty beer bottle before following Courfeyrac to the bar. “Though I think I actually need a stronger drink rather than a refill.”

“Yeah, you looked like you had something on your mind,” Courfeyrac said, leaning against the bar. “Something happen with you and Enjolras?”

For a moment, Grantaire’s expression seemed frozen, then he snorted, picking at the label of his empty beer bottle. “You, uh, you noticed that, huh?” he asked gruffly.

“Pretty hard not to,” Courfeyrac said evenly. “But this seems worse than your usual fights.”

Grantaire sighed. “Honestly, I’m not even sure that we’re having a fight. I don’t know what this is, or what I did, or...anything, really.”

Courfeyrac frowned. “What’s going on?”

Grantaire shook his head slowly. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Everything was going fine – great, even – and then all of sudden…” He trailed off as the bartender brought him a shot and a fresh beer, flashing her a tired smile before picking up the shot. “Sláinte,” he said, toasting Courfeyrac with the shot before downing it. “All of a sudden, it’s like Enjolras didn’t even want to be in the same room as me. Like he didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Courfeyrac’s insides ran cold. “But didn’t he…” He trailed off, trying to figure out a better way to ask the question that didn’t reveal too much. “I thought he was spending a lot of time at his place?”

“All his time!” Grantaire burst, looking miserable, and Courfeyrac blinked in confusion.

“But—” he started, but Grantaire cut him off.

“And I thought I was doing the nice thing, letting him keep his place, y’know? Because I know my schedule can get weird, and so can his, and even though living with him is all it feels like I’ve ever wanted, I also want him to have his space when he needs it, but if I had known he was going to spend all his time there—”

Courfeyrac opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Thankfully, Grantaire didn’t seem to notice, well caught-up in a rant now, his anger and sadness and fear mingling in his expression. “He has not slept in bed with me for over two weeks. He barely looks at me – I don’t even remember the last time we kissed.” He broke off, swallowing hard, and Courfeyrac was horrified to see tears in his eyes. “I swear to God, Courf, he is the love of my life but I don’t think I’m his. Not anymore.”

Courfeyrac’s stomach was somewhere around his knees, and he clutched the edge of the bar to keep himself upright. Grantaire was looking at him as if expecting him to say something, and Courfeyrac cleared his throat before asking weakly, “Uh...when?”

He had meant it to be more elegant, and for a moment, when Grantaire just stared at him blankly, he thought desperately of ways he could clarify his question, but it was too late. “He didn’t even tell you?” Grantaire asked quietly, and Courfeyrac winced.

“He- well, that is- see, the thing about Enjolras—”

“He didn’t even tell you?”

Grantaire no longer looked sad – he looked pissed. “We start dating six months ago, move in together over a month ago, and he doesn’t even tell one of his best friends?”

Courfeyrac hesitated. “I, uh, I don’t think Combeferre knows either.”

Grantaire eyes flashed. “Son of a—”

“But I’m sure Enjolras was planning on telling us!” Courfeyrac added hastily. “At some point. Probably.”

But Grantaine just shook his head, his expression stony. “He wasn’t,” he said. “I should have realized it was too easy. When Enjolras said he wanted to try this thing for real, I didn’t believe him at first, but I thought, what the hell? What’s the worst that could happen? And then after a few months when he told me that he loved me, that he wanted to take this to the next level and move in together, it was everything I ever wanted, so I didn’t question it, but I...I should’ve realized…” He trailed off. “Well, I should’ve realized it was too good to be true.”

He grabbed his beer and turned to leave, but Courfeyrac reached out and grabbed his arm. “He loves you,” he blurted, and Grantaire just shook his head, not looking back at him.

“He couldn’t even be bothered to tell you, one of his best friends, that we were dating. That we were living together.” He shook his head again. “I don’t know what that is, but it’s not love.”

“He didn’t tell us about you because he loves you.”

Now Grantaire turned to stare at him. “What are you talking about?”

For one brief, desperate moment, Courfeyrac thought about using his magic to get himself out of this – a quick illusion spell, or a temporary forgetfulness, something without too lasting of effects so he could get out of there and figure out what the hell he was going to do.

But he had already caused this, with his spell that was meant to get them together and instead had driven them apart. 

And he owed Grantaire to tell him, if not the truth, then at least something that might help. And his magic wasn’t going to help him with that.

“Enjolras loves you,” he said, as honestly as he could. “You two are perfect for each other, and everyone knows it. Probably before you both did. He loves you, and he doesn’t know what to do with that, because he’s him, and you’re you. That’s why he didn’t tell me and Combeferre, because if he tells us and it all falls apart with you— He wouldn’t know what to do with that either.”

Grantaire shook his head slightly but didn’t try to interrupt, and Courfeyrac barrelled forward. “He loves spending time with you. Why do you think you two have spent so many late nights together at the Musain, or his old apartment before you moved in together? How many times have you two got into a knock-down, drag out fight that should’ve ended with him banning you from Les Amis but never has? Because he wants you there, wants you in his life.”

Though Grantaire’s expression had softened, just slightly, he still didn’t look convinced and Courfeyrac took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I know Enjolras. Almost better than anyone else. And he would not have taken that first step with you, let alone moving in together, if he was not 1000% convinced that this was what he wanted. That you were who he wanted. That you were the first person he wants to see each day and the last person he wants to see at night.”

For some reason, even though Courfeyrac was talking about Enjolras and Grantaire, he kept thinking about Combeferre, of all the time they had spent together in the past several weeks – the past several years, if Courfeyrac was being honest.

But he didn’t have time to dwell on that right now. “I know things between you and Enjolras are weird right now. But I promise, if you hang in there, things will get back on track for you.”

“When?” Grantaire asked, a little desperately.

“About twenty-five minutes, give or take,” Courfeyrac muttered, thinking of how long it would take him to get to Enjolras’s apartment and neutralize the attraction spell.

“What?” Grantaire asked, his brow furrowed, and Courfeyrac shook his head and forced a smile.

“Let me buy you a shot,” he said. “To, uh, help pass the time until things get better.”

Grantaire raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

Courfeyrac nodded. “Yeah,” he said firmly. “How about—” He caught sight of a familiar-looking bottle and couldn’t help but smile, just slightly. “How about a shot of Jäger?”

Grantaire wrinkled his nose. “Pass,” he said dismissively. “I can’t stand Jäger.”

“Really?” Courfeyrac asked. “I didn’t think there was any alcohol you didn’t like.” 

Grantaire laughed. “Understandable, but, God no. I hate licorice.”

Courfeyrac opened his mouth to reply but froze, something rising unbidden in the back of his mind. Licorice root – star anise – ginger – ginseng...all flavors in Jäger.

And all components of the love potion he had used on Enjolras.

The love potion Combeferre had watched him make.

“Earth to Courf,” Grantaire said loudly, and Courfeyrac blinked, looking back at him. “You buying me that shot or what?”

“Uh, yeah, here,” he said, opening his wallet and tossing a few bills on the bar without looking. “Sorry, I— there’s something I have to go do.”

Grantaire’s brow furrowed. “Everything ok?” he asked.

“Fine,” Courfeyrac said, digging his cellphone out his pocket. “Or at least, it will be.”

He didn’t wait for a reply from Grantaire, already weaving through the crowd toward the door, typing a text message as he did.

Meet me at Enjolras’s. We need to talk.

>>Read chapter 6 here>>

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 43: The Boggart in the Wardrobe

This room should have looked quite nice. Between the handsome furniture all built sturdy to last, the maroon quilt draped carefully over the bed, the three separate bookshelves all packed full, and the lovely sky-roof centered above their heads that was just now trickling in a purple light, promising a beautiful sunrise. It was the other details.

There were no other windows. The furniture was welded into the floor. Dust coated the air, causing several people to sneeze simultaneously, but didn't quite mask the noise of the howling wind outside that made Potter feel as if he were shouting to be heard.

"Come on Moony, let's see if your mum left any food in the fridge." With a calmness that astounded Alice, he walked over to the door and threw it open with his usual exuberance, trying to usher everyone outside, but his thin frame did not cover the fact that there was a padlock on the door. It may not have had bars, but if felt just as much as a prison as the room they'd left at the Dursley's.

Lupin nearly sprinted from the room, red-faced and nearly crying with shame. The Marauders followed after him with completely straight faces as if this were a normal day at their friends house, the other four didn't know what to make of it.

Frank waited until their voices and footsteps receded, quite hard to do in the still tumultuous wind, and spoke quietly. "Well, this could explain his odd fits of claustrophobia. Wonder how often his parents lock him up in here?"

"And for what?" Lily agreed quietly, wrapping her arms around herself. The place felt freezing, for no good reason.

Regulus was sucking on the inside of cheek with just as many questions. He'd never really bothered wondering much about Lupin before, had never paid much attention at all to the teenager considering he had no knowledge of his last name.

Alice had to clear her throat a few times before she finally said, "well, it's really none of our business." She could already here Pettigrew's voice reading the book from the open door. "Why don't we just join them."

She missed the part where she had to convince Frank of this fact, he clearly still didn't want to be in their vicinity willingly,  but the fact that Sirius had not yet made any attempt to murder them seemed to win the argument in Alice's favor.

Lily wasn't in much of a mood, listening to Malfoy be a prick and Severus being civil about it in trying to keep the classes focus. She couldn't hear them, but was sure the Marauder's were bad mouthing him anyways, automatically on Harry's side saying this wasn't fair treatment. She was ignoring the small part of her that honestly thought they were right and he probably wouldn't have done the same for Harry, but there was no proof!

Instead she walked slowly out into the hall and took her time investigating the rest of the place. She felt like a snoop, but well, this was a man who would apparently be a teacher at her school one day, around kids of hers if she ever did have them. He was an odd one, there was no harm in perusing family photos.

To her surprise, there weren't many. A few scattered baby pictures that seemed only to age through about four years, the young Lupin in the photo holding an ice cream and being held lovingly by two folks who greatly resembled him, obviously his parents. The pictures just stopped abruptly though, with plenty of wall space left, so she Alice and Frank continued on into the living room. It had a great front window that saw right into open woods beyond, the wind tore through even louder out here.

The cushions looked well worn, there were even more book cases about and even a desk in the corner as if this were also used as a study. She couldn't help but notice the front door also had a heavy lock. It looked homey enough, but still there was something missing Lily couldn't put her finger on.

She couldn't help but compare it all to the Dursley's place again, how unlived in the place felt despite the clear signs of this being a home. Except now there was no mock child to pose in front of anyone, it was as if Lupin's presence didn't even exist here.

She finally entered the kitchen to hear of Malfoy continuing to make a prat of himself, having Harry cut up his potion ingredients for him and still mostly ignoring this. The boys had pulled out heaps of food from surrounding cupboards, the place had enough to feed an army and they were steadily making their way through it now. Lupin looked over, watched their hesitation for a moment with a tentative smile, and offered them a bag of crisps and gestured to the oblong table.

"My Da' used to work for the Ministry, and me Mum was a nurse. They both still pull in a nice pension, you're not putting us out," he assured especially to her, recalling her previous aversion to eating out the Weasley's.

Frank just kept looking on curiously as he accepted the food, noting the past tense of both his parents jobs, and the way it had been said several times in the future how not particularly well off Lupin seemed. He honestly thought Lupin might be playing up his situation a little, but felt it rude to call him out otherwise.

Lily seemed to decide the same and began tasting a few things, before nearly choking on one when attention turned to Neville. The six around her began not so quiet streams of conversation at how cruel this had just become for a simple class, Alice and Frank clearly all on the Marauders side now. Lily felt near tears all of a sudden. She got up and stormed out of the kitchen without looking back, unable to be around anyone lest she curse the lot.

There just had to be an explanation she was missing, some clue being left out because of Harry just hating for no reason as his father once had. The Severus she knew would never do such a cruel thing, not after having lived through being bullied for so long by another. It seemed impossible he'd transfer this to a random student!

She'd been trying to make her way to the bathroom, unable to block out the grating sounds of Pettigrew reading farther about all this horrible nightmare of a future. Tears were blurring her vision and she was trying too hard not to let them escape when she ran smack into someone still lingering in the hallway.

"Oh, sorry," she blurted.

"S'alright," Regulus just shrugged and moved out of her way. She gazed at him for a moment, on tenterhooks to ask what he thought of this. She'd seen him hanging around Sev lately at school. Could he possibly have an explanation for this? Did she want to hear it from him? He offered nothing of his own, so she swiped her hand under her nose and kept going, slamming the door to the loo.

Regulus turned his eyes back to the last family photo up. There were no names for him to put together, but suddenly he wasn't so sure he should pass off Lupin as another of no status. There was something about his father's face, something he vaguely recognized...being in the papers once? He'd suddenly swear his parents, or maybe even Kreacher had mentioned the last name Lupin once...

Lily sat on the bathroom sink, toying with her hair and contemplating leaning over the toilet bowl instead, she really did feel sick. Malfoy's little comments were only making things worse, even more confusing, though she wouldn't have thought that possible before. What was that little toe rag on about? Why would Harry do anything against Black, he hadn't really done anything to him personally?

It made her stomach twist into even more painful knots as her mind offered its own conclusion. That Black and Lupin were in on something together. The two seemed aghast at the idea their friendship wouldn't last, well what if Black had an accomplice to that horrible attack? Malfoy's dad very well may know something about all this and had unwittingly passed it on to his own son.

'Or you're just looking for someone else to blame,' her mind nastily pointed out as the cruelty of that Potion teacher was put into practice, this twisted version of her best friend was actually described as disappointed his vile attempt at murdering a child's pet hadn't worked. This was wrong, every bit of this was absolutely not as it should be! Surely this was just Harry's skewed point of view, she would never believe it of her best friend!

Hermione's oddness was not enough to deter anyone from their thoughts on Snape, but the start of Moony's class finally stopped the Marauders from all too familiar conversations of what they were going to do to that slime-ball when they got a hold of him again. The fact that Longbottom and Smith had stayed present in the room when their suggestions got increasingly darker really spoke volumes, their grim faces were not at all pleased to Lily's reaction to this. Whatever blossoming friendship was going on there might have a permanent taint if she didn't pick her loyalties soon.

Peter cleared his throat of a custard cream he'd just swallowed hole and instead turned to Moony. "Tisk, tisk mate, being late on your first day! Can't hardly tell your students off for that now!"

"Hmm, I'm liking the idea of this more and more," Sirius was still half savoring a biscuit in his mouth, spraying them all with food. "Professor Moony, here to teach us all how to properly do our homework."

"Yeah, make it all up," Prongs finished with a snort, spraying them with chocolate milk he'd just tried to guzzle.

"I've done no such thing," Remus insisted with an unrepentant smile. "It's not my fault Binns doesn't know how the Giant Wars began."

"Or you drooled so much over that page in your sleep you couldn't read it yourself," Peter concluded, reading on loudly now around his friends spluttering.

His voice still caught uncomfortably at the idea of his friends state of dress, but already too much attention was being put on him in his place of residence, so he hurried past that.

After being kicked in the shins by both Prongs and Wormtail, telling him to knock it off loudly for good measure, Sirius had finally found Moony's leg and was now fondly keeping him distracted by pressing their legs together as much as he could under the table. He was even fixing to risk letting his hand fall down to his side, Moony's lap, if his color didn't come back soon. He knew it was a strain on Remus to be back in this house.

They'd only been over a handful of times, Lyall and Hope seemed very weary of letting visitors stay longer than a few minutes lest anyone start asking personal questions about Remus' life. Of course the Marauders knew why, now, but their friend had grown accustomed to a very quiet life. Never before having so many people in his house at one time. He was just grateful none of them could see outback of the house.

It helped that at least this Professor version of him was keeping things lively, that interaction with Peeves had been brilliant! They were still chuckling about it when they finally arrived to the destination, the bloody teachers lounge of all places, to find the worst bloody teacher inside.

"Rip him to shreds Moony!" Sirius said at once.

"Blow up a potion in his face, see where he lands up," James scowled.

"Or just poison him," Peter agreed.

"These are all quite tempting offers in front of a class of thirteen year old's," Remus responded with a very amused expression.

"Oh, we have absolute faith you will give him the retaliation he deserves," Sirius quickly pacified. "We're just letting our imagination run wild."

"Yes, we're aware of your limitations, but that usually just makes you even better," James agreed.

Alice and Frank exchanged a look and didn't bother to defend this one bit. If they were hoping something would be done to Snape in retaliation for what he'd just tried to do to their son, well, it's not as if they were going to pretend they could stop it. Snape's position was made only worse by his parting line being yet more cruelty to Neville, and Alice couldn't help her outburst, "if you don't kick his arse I will!"

The boys at the table all turned to size her up, before each smiled and assured her justice would be swift.

Admittedly the start of it didn't make any sense to Frank, a boggart was hardly the most formidable creature one could face. His had turned into a snarling griffin, with a sleek golden lion body but eagle wings and talons instead of front legs pulled from his youth.* Quiet a fearsome beast but one he'd easily swept aside with magic nearly ten years later. He didn't understand the delighted looks on the troublemakers or how this could do anything to Snape sense he'd left the room. His doubts only furthered when the Professor prompted Neville to explain what his mother wore, Black now had his fist stuffed in his mouth to control himself and Potter was about to slip out of his chair from shaking with so much laughter.

They were all horsing around, teasing each other with increasing loudness of each others boggarts and what they all seemed aware was coming. It made Frank just a tad jealous, seeing them all so close, one conversation being shared by four so easily. He had quite a few friends around school, but none who would finish each other's sentences like this.

Finally, in between stuttering breaths of laughter, Pettigrew regaled them all with the retribution Neville deserved, and it was beautiful.

Snape, in a dress. Severus Snape, in his mother's green dress and favorite hate. Snivellus being humiliated like he'd just tried to do to Neville. No matter how you put it, all six of them were now on the floor, tears streaming down their own faces with mirthless laughter enough to banish any boggart for a year.

Regulus had snorted softly from his place just beyond the kitchen, but really didn't find the image as hilarious as all those others seemed to. Perhaps because he had no personal grudge against Severus for any particular reason. He was in fact quite confused by the man's actions though, wishing he did know the reasons for his actions against the pureblood child of Longbottom. Was it pure vindictiveness? Some other motive he was missing?

Lily was all the more glad she'd isolated herself from this now, as she'd caught the traitorous flash of a smile in her mirrors reflection before she'd quickly brushed her hair and hid it away. It wasn't right to laugh, she'd quickly scolded herself, Lupin was just as bad as his mate always had been and apparently always would be, and retaliating with a childish way to put her friend down. Her scolding was weak, at best. What Sev had done was far more hurtful, nearly killing that poor kids pet.

The rest of the class seemed to be going without incident until Harry's. A dementor, she shivered at the very name being mentioned again. Yes, that was quite the thing to fear, much worse than hers had been, her sister appearing and yelling every vile thing she could. In the middle of her class. Lily had nearly burst into tears, then Severus had stepped forward, taking the boggarts form of his own father Tobias. Sev had barely blinked as he made his father's pants fall to the floor, laughing at him before turning to comfort Lily. She'd received no marks for that day, but the teacher had kindly offered her a redo, with her best friend encouraging words promising she would get past this. She'd turned Petunia's dress into the awful green color she hated so much and laughed herself silly that day, all thanks to Sev.

Now, twelve years later, and Snape was falling victim to the same trick he'd once given Lily to get through another day; and she'd laughed at him this time. Because this time, he'd been the one to nearly reduce a kid to tears.

She leaned back against the wall, letting the light switch dig uncomfortably into her back as her feet sat in the sink for the rest of the chapter, more frustrated at herself than anything for her lack of answers to her best friend.

* I know griffins in mythology are actually depicted as having eagle front halves and lions just as the back-half, but a flying lion sounds a bit more horrifying, no? Or just call it creative liberty with an established myth, like JK did with the mermaids. Whichever you prefer.

[asphodelsandpomegranates]

A Night In (Randall Boggs x Reader)

Tagging: @creeperchild​  

(A/N: slight mentions of mental health) 

You turned over in bed and huffed a sigh, your eyes focused on the ceiling, your mind just numb.

You had not been feeling yourself for a while. Feeling energy drained from what you wanted to do during the week. You had no heart to do anything. Just lie in bed all day and just blankly stare around at your four walls until the weird feeling went away.

A creaking sound cracked the silence within your room. Looking round, your closet door opened and in stepped Randall.

Since been pardoned by the city of Monstropolis, Randall had been allowed to come back to his world and work at Monsters Inc.

As he entered your bedroom, he noticed you lying in your bed, looking glum.

“Hey, sweetie.”

“Hey.” you mumbled, sitting up a little in your bed.

“Still feeling down, huh?” he asked, as he climbed onto the bed beside you.

“Yeah.” you sighed.

“Do you wanna hug?”

“Yes, please.”

Quick as a flash, he slipped to the head of the bed and curled himself around you. Sinking into his hold, you held on to him tightly, curling your arms around his slim body. You felt one of his paws run through your hair, soothing you.

“Ya know, uh, I was gonna suggest us going out tonight but...how about a night in, huh?”

For the first time in days, you gave him a small smile, thankful of his thoughtfulness.

“I'd like that.”

He smiled down at you and planted a kiss on the top of your head.

“Listen, I know you probably want to stay in bed but how about we go for a nice relaxing bath before we start on dinner, hmm?”

“Sounds nice.” you muttered, scratching your nails along his chin.

Humming in delight, Randall slipped off the bed and then gently scooped you into his arms. He walked out of the bedroom and crossed down the tiny hallway to the bathroom.

Resting you on the toilet seat, he slithered over to the bath and ran the hot water. He added a bubble bath, mixing it with the hot water. He then crossed to the cupboard and took out two towels. He placed them on the radiator, for later on, then turned his attention to the bath again. Where there was plenty of bubbles and the temperature was just right, he came back over to you, gently coaxed you out of your pajamas and then placed you in the bath.

Letting out a blissful sigh, you sunk into the water, wetting your hair. Your muscles at the hot water lapped at your skin. You looked up at Randall who was now sitting on the floor by the side of the bath tub.

“You wanna hop in?”

“No, sweetie. Tonight's all about you.”

“Please.” you pleaded.

Randall sighed but gave in and slipped into the water's with you, your arms wrapped around his thin, scaly body, pulling him close to your body.

You wanted him as close as possible. You wanted to forget about all of the bad thoughts and feelings you felt before, but it was hard when they would not stop haunting you.

You closed your eyes and rested your head against Randall's chest as he leaned back against the bath. His paws ran through your strands of (h/c) hair, his tail wrapping around your ankles, switching every now and again.

                                                      **************

Once the bath water got tepid and he had finished washing your hair for you, Randall scooped you back out of the water, dried you off including your your hair with the warm towels, combed it out and changed you into a clean pair of pajamas.

Once ushering you gently back into your bed and tucking you in, he slipped off into the kitchen to start dinner.

Although to be fair, dinner was really just take-out. A large pizza was coming your way.

As you nestled yourself further into the covers, the soft sound of music, crept in from your living room.

Looking round, you watched as the door slowly opened up. Randall stepped out into the room, the music becoming more clear.

He drew closer to your bedside and held out his paw to you.

“Care to dance?” he asked.

You looked from his face to his paw. You knew he was doing this just to make you feel better and have you smiling again and you couldn't fault him for that. When you had first met him, you had taken him in and nursed him back to health. You guessed that this was his way of paying you back to when he had arrived on your balcony.

Smiling, you pushed back the duvet, climbed out of bed and took his paw, into your hand.

“I'd love to.”

He led you into the living room. A soft jazz melody playing from the radio, the male voice crooning the lyrics.

Randall pulled you into a hold and swayed you gently to the rhythm. You rested your head once again on his chest, lost in the dance and music. One set of his paws were around your shoulders whilst the other pair were resting on your hips. You snuggled into him, not wanting this to end, not wanting to let him go. You didn't want this song to end.

You absolutely loved the bones off of Randall and you couldn't see yourself living without him. You loved him...and him doing this for you made you love him even more.

He pushed you out of your thoughts as he drew back from the hold and twirled you around. A laugh escaped your lips as you spun round. He spun you again but in the opposite direction, making you giggle. He took hold of you again to dip you lowly before bringing you back up. A smile etched on your face.

He gently rested his head against yours. “Glad to see you smiling again, (Y/N).”

“Thank you for making me smile. I love you so much.”

“And I love you, too, sweetheart.”

“I'm actually starting to feel a little bit better. Thank you again.”

“Only the best.” he cooed, brushing back some of your hair from your face.

The moment was then broken as there came a knock on the door.

“I'll get that.” you said, pulling away, reluctantly and hurrying to get some money. Randall slithered over to the stereo and turned the volume down.

As you grabbed your purse as Randall made himself invisible. You head to the door, opening it to be greeted by a smiling delivery guy.

“Hi.” he greeted, holding up the warm pizza box in his hand. “A large pepperoni pizza?”

“That's the one.” you smiled. You paid the required money and took the pizza.

“You look really chipper today.” the guy commented. “Better than some of my other customers.”

You smiled. “Let's just say I have a good boyfriend.

After wishing a goodnight, the pizza boy left and you closed the door.

Still invisible, Randall swept the pizza from your hands and bounded over to the couch, now becoming visible. You hurried over, snuggling in next to him and bit into a pizza slice.

Feeling way better than you did...and you had Randall to thank.

[jungshookz]

hhhhh nurse!jk where he’s taking care of u before ur like surgery and u’ve always thought that like “damn i got a spicy nurse time to create a grey’s anatomy episode” then its prep time and they give the drugs and when y/n is Hopped Up she sees jk and its all “aYYYEEE ITS THE HOT NURSE™️” and its just constant flirting

➺ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

➺ genre: nurse!jungkook!!!!! fluff that will give you cavities (remember to floss!!), y/n’s normally already really cute but somehow she’s cuter when she’s all looOoOopy and jungkook’s already obsessed 

➺ wordcount: 3.8k

➺ note: i loved this request and i think i went a little overboard but it was totally worth it!!! i don’t think general anaesthesia is typically used for wisdom teeth surgery but for the purposes of this drabble it iS also i have never gotten my wisdom teeth taken out but if nurse jungkook was there i would happily let the dentist harvest all of my teeth aLSO i have been waiting for forever to use this gif because jungkook is just so!! handsome!! 

(gif isn’t mine!)

                                        ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“take this blindfold off of me because i’m literally about to burst from excitement-!” you reach up to yank the blindfold off that tae foRced you to wear before leaving the apartment

he didn’t tell you where he and jimin were taking you but you have a feeling it’s that new dessert place because you’ve been hinting that you’ve wanted to go to it for like two weekS

and you’ve never been good at being subtle so (“oh my god it’s so nice out today! …you guys know what else is nice? bubble tea waffles.”)

although you will say

you didn’t expect a dessert place to smell so….

you’re not sure what the right word is

clinical?

you don’t think clinical is a smell but if you hAd to describe what your nose is picking up right now it has to be clinical

as soon as your eyes adjust to the light you-

…

oh my god

this isn’t the,,… this isn’t the new dessert place with the bubble tea waffles and the matcha soufflés,,.,. this isn’t a dessert place at all.,.,.

this is-

THE DENTIST’S OFFICE

“oh, no.” you let out a shaky breath and feel a shiver go up your spine

you hate the dentist’s

everything is just too.,. white

too sparkly

too clean

and yeah it’s probably good for a dentist’s office to be squeaky clean because that would indicate that their services are also squeaky clean but

uhUGHS

you just HATE going to see dentists

it all started when you were six years old

when you were six, you had to get one of your teeth pulled out and you’ll never forget the sound of the horrific crack of your tooth being pulled out of your gums

and the feeling of getting your tooth extracted!!!

the nurse didn’t inject enough of that numbing stuff into your gums so you felt the- 

hKJDHs

the fEELING

if you think about if for too long you start to get nauseous

the point is

there’s no way in hell you’re going to sit there and willingly let the dentist pull out all four of your wisdom teeth in one go

six year old y/n could barely handle one  

you whip around to look at jimin and tae “how could you do this to me?”

“we had to!”

you feel betraYED by tae because he said he was going to take you to the dessert place as a reward for doing well on your history paper but obviously he wants to punish you instead because instead of sitting down on a plush leather chair, you’re going to be sitting down on a cold, squeaky.., dentist’s chair?

is there even a name for that specific type of chair

you pause before pointing a finger at jimin “and, you! how could you do this to me?”

you feel even more betrayed by jimin because he was the only one who you talked to about that time you went to get your teeth cleaned and how the dentist ended up telling you that you needed to get your wisdom teeth removed (he also reminded you for the millionth time to remember to floSS)

he even did a whole x-ray on you and sure enough it did look like those molars of yours are trying to squeeze into places where they shouldn’T be squeezing into

you honestly would rather live with the discomfort for the rest of your life than have some freakshow dentist get all up in your mouth and pULL your teeth out like a psychopath

you should have suspected something because when jimin asked you when you were planning to get your wisdom teeth taken out you responded with a snort and a “never.” and he responded with a “…huh.”

“i trusted you, you know.” you seethe as you start pacing around a little bit “there’s a special place in hell for people like you.”

“oh, don’t be like that.” jimin makes a face before raising a brow

“don’t you need to make an appointment or something?? you can’t just drop in and-“

“we made an appointment for you, don’t worry!” taehyung offers you a smile and pats your shoulder before pointing to the front desk “i’ll go tell them you’re here now and i’ll even help fill out the form for you.”

“everyone has to get their wisdom teeth removed, y/n - it’s now or never.”

“yeah - and i prefer neVER- get me OUT OF HERE-“ you make a break for the door as soon as you’re sure taehyung won’t be there to stop you

jimin is strong too and you’ve never tried it but you’re pretty sure you could take him in a fight any DAY-

“wh- noT so FAST” jimin loops an arm around your waist and yanks you backwards right as your fingers brush up against the cold metal of the door handle

“please pLease i don’t wanna go in i don’t want to-“ you start sobbing as you flail your arms around before slouching down over jimin’s forearm

he lets out a groan and smacks the back of your head

“we know you have the ability to cry on command, cut it out!”

you immediately stop crying and you reach up to wipe at your watery eyes

you sniffle and stand up straight “…well, it was worth a shot.”

jimin unravels his arm around your waist and gives everyone around you guys a sheepish smile before yanking you back with a grunt of frustration “you’re acting like a child.”

“you’re acting like a child.” you grumble and plop down on the chair  

your fingers drum against the arm of the chair nervously

“you don’t have any allergies, right?” tae hums as he continues to fill out the form 

the pencil scratches against the paper as he ticks a box 

“…if i do, does that mean i don’t have to go through with this?”

tae snorts and scribbles something down on the clipboard in his hands “taking that as a no.”

okay

okay okay okay

don’t panic

there’s still a way out

maybe you can just excuse yourself to the bathroom

oH but you know for a faCt taehyung is going to follow you there to make sure you don’t run to the elevators

it’s okay

you’ve never tried flushing yourself down a toilet before but there’s no time like the preSENT

or maybe you can go out there and pull the fire alarm

you’re sure you have enough loose change in your bag to pay for a $1000 charge of misusing a fire alarm

maybe

“y/n y/l/n?”

you curse quietly when you hear your name being called

well

you had a chance to sliP away but instead you sat here like a sitting duCK

and now you’re about to get all your dang teeth pulled out of your mouth

you slouch further down on the seat in hopes that the nurse will eventually give up on you if you don’t respond

“she’s right here!” taehyung yanks you up off your seat before nudging you towards the-

oh

hello

you swallow thickly

to put it simply,.,.,.,. the nurse is really frickin attractive

perfectly tousled raven hair

a very boyish face, really

a very pretty smile!!!

two small, silver hoops hanging from his lobes

he looks to be about your age

younger than tae and jimin maybe?

and you didn’t think scrubs could ever look fashionable but he’s really pulling off his baby blue scrubs

“you want us to come in with you?” tae nudges you gently and you shake your head in response

“i think i’ll be good.” you clear your throat and wipe your clammy hands down on the back of your jeans

“alright, well… we’ll be here when you come out. there’s nothing to be nervous about, okay?”

“mhm, yeah” you respond absentmindedly and tae arches a brow

you’re more nervous about making a good first impression on the nurse rather than the fact that you have to have your teeth extracted

the last thing you want is for him to think that you’re a big ol baby or something

because you’re not!!!!

you are NOT a wimp

in fact you’ll rip your oWn teeth out of your mouth to prove it to him

just kidding

u can’t do that

jimin and tae both watch as you disappear behind the sliding glass doors

“…she thinks the nurse is hot, doesn’t she?” jimin hums as he flips through a magazine and crosses his legs

“she was practically drooling over him.”

there’s a bit of awkward silence as you follow the nurse to the room

you’re not sure if it’s appropriate for you to striKe up a casual conversation

“so, miss y/l/n. you’re here to get your wisdom teeth taken out?”

“oh, you can call me y/n. miss y/l/n makes me feel like i’ve aged 30 years.” you snort as you settle down in the chair

just as you remember it

cold and haRd

you clear your throat and watch as he shuts the door behind him “um… what’s your name?”

he looks up at you and offers you another one of those bright smiles

“i’m jungkook.”

goD

even his name is cute  

“so, do you think you can explain the whole procedure to me? i’ll probably be able to relax a little bit if i know what’s going to go down. also, am i getting all four of my wisdom teeth extracted today? because i don’t know if i’m going to be able to handle that but my friend taehyung said that-“

“you are definitely not getting all four of your wisdom teeth taken out today. i mean, some people like to get all of it done and over with in one go, but your friend mentioned that you were feeling a little anxious so i went ahead and informed doctor kim to extract just two of them!”

great

so you have to come back

“where’s the doctor?”

“he’ll be here in a bit. he’s just finishing up a root canal in the other room but he told me to take care of the anaesthesia first so that when he comes in here you’ll be ready to go- i don’t know why you needed to know all of that but… yeah!”

jungkook doesn’t know why he’s become so awkward all of a sudden

it’s almost like he’s completely forgotten how to socialise because he knoWs he’s just in Nurse Mode right now and he kind of wishes he was in Cool Nurse Mode because yoU seem like a very cool person that he would like to get to know outside of a wisdom teeth situation

if he would’ve known he was going to be working with a very cute patient he would’ve worn his cleaner scrubs

he chews on the inside of his cheek anxiously as he disinfects the gas mask to get ready to drug you up

you seem to be very friendly so he doesn’t know why he has the inability to keep a casual conversation going

lucky for him you also seem to have a lot of questions

“is it just going to be me and the doctor? alone?? in this room?” you swallow nervously and look around the room

you don’t trust dentists

you trust doctors but you don’t trust dentists

what kind of sane person would be interested in pulling teeth out of mouths?

the answer is nobody

in conclusion: dentists are psychopaths

“oh, i’ll be in here too!” jungkook chirps as he tosses the disinfectant wipe away

he spins around to face you as he leans back against the (too clean) counter

“you know, someone has to be there to take care of rinsing the blood out of your mouth-“

your eyes widen to the size of saucers and jungkook freezes

oh frick

he’s supposed to be calming you down not hYping you up!!!

“that- that was supposed to be funny but i’m realising that you probably aren’t the right audience for jokes about ripping bloody molars out of- you know whAT how about i start prepping you?” jungkook clasps his hands together before spiNNing back around and you can’t help but giggle lightly

he’s kind of dorky

which is cute

very cute

“on a scale from 1 to 10 how bad is this going to hurt?”

“you want my honest answer?” jungkook hums as he clips the little bib around your neck

jesus

he smells good too

“honesty is a good trait to have.” you lean back against the chair as jungkook turns to get the anaesthesia tank ready

you tongue prods against your back molars nervously

they seem like they’re wedged in there reAl tight so good luck to the dentist

“considering the fact that you’re going to be completely unconscious, i’d say… -2.” jungkook holds the mask up to the light to make sure there aren’t any specks of dust in there “trust me, you’re not going to feel anything. it’ll almost feel like a nap! and naps are nice!”

oh!

see

there you go

nothing to worry about

naps are super nice, after all

frick

maybe you should’ve asked tae to come in because you feel like you’d feel better if you were holding someone’s hand

unless…

“alright, let’s get this show on the road!” jungkook rolls over on his little wheely chair and drags the tank of gas behind him “dr. kim just texted me, he’ll be here in a minute.”

ok

okay okAy

just go for it

“this is… kind of a silly request, but-“ you swallow thickly before looking down at your folded hands “do you think you could hold my hand or something? you don’t have to, obviously, but i just- coming to the dentist’s makes me exTra nervous and i guess i would just feel a lot better if-“

your cheeks flush when jungkook reaches down and places his hand over yours

(he just hopes his hand isn’t clammy)

he gives you a little squeeze of reassurance before raising the mask for you to see

“you wanna count backwards from 10 for me?” jungkook smiles and tilts his head as he places the mask over your mouth

hm

“i think i might have to count back from 30 because i’m really not…”

oh god

what’s happening

you feel lightheaded

“not…feeling anything yet…” your eyelids flutter gently

hOo boy

you’re drifting

it feels like your soul is leaving your body

“alright, count back from 30 if you’d like.” jungkook hums and reaches over to brush a strand of hair away from your face

“30, 29, 28… 27… 20..6….”

you barely make it to 20 before you pass out

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(jungkook holds ur hand the entire time anD manages to keep ur mouth free of spit and blood at the same time!!)

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(your finger twitches at one point and he squeezes your hand tighter)

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“y/n?”

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“y/n…? can you hear me?”

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your eyelids flutter open and you wince slightly at the light shining direCtly into your eyes

“hey, there we go… you were out like a light! dr kim told me to stay with you til you woke up-”

whaz happenign

where er u

y u can’t feel face

y u cant pheel ur own face

you reach up to pat your face to check that it’s still there

o no

u can’t feel face

U CAN’T FEEL faCE

“my face- my faze is gone i can’t feel it-“ your eyes light up immediately when jungkook appears next to you “oh, it’s yOU-! you’re the- ur the hoT nurse-”

he laughs lightly as he helps you unclip the little bib

this isn’t the first time he’s been hit on by a drugged up patient but it never fails to surprise him

he’s not usEd to the attention ok!!!

“yes, it’s me! look, there’s nothing to worry about, you’re at the dentist’s-“

“i’m at the deNtist’s why am i at the dentist’s???” you jolt up from the chair and look around

WhY are you at the dentist’s??????

who brought you here!!!!!!

you’ll kill them

“to get your wisdom teeth taken out, remember?”

you can’t help but whimper when jungkook presents a little plastic baggie to you

lo and behold

two bloOdy molars

“why would u take them out? i’m already dumB enough and now i have leth wisdom becauthe u took them out-” your voice is kind of muffled because there are cotton pads in your mouth for the bleeding

your brows furrow in confusion and you shove your fingers into your mouth to pull the pads out

jungkook immEdiately reaches over and wraps his fingers around your wrist before tugging your hand out gently

“there’s thomething in my mouth” you say dumbly and jungkook nods

“you’re right, there is something in your mouth. no touching, okay?”

“ok”

jungkook always likes the aftermath of the anaesthesia because the patients kind of act like needy babies

it’s cute!!! and you were already cute before the drugs so now you’re extra cute and he’s feeling awfully soft for some reason

a moment of silence goes by

you clear your throat

“why i can’t- why can’t i feel my faze tho”

jungkook glances at you over his shoulder

“remember the drugs i put you on?”

you furrow your brows before looking down at where you’re sitting

you look back up at jungkook

“you didn’t put me on drugs you put me on a chair - see?” you pat the arm of the chair and jungkook raises a brow before chuckling lightly

“let’s get you back to your friends, okay?”

to say the least

jungkook barely knows you but he’s already completely enamoured and infatuated 

you’re like a little duckling!!!!!!!

he gave you his arm to hold onto so that he could walk you back to the lobby without you falling flat on your ass but you looped your arm through his anD grabbed onto his hand at the same time and his heart skipped a beat because that was so cute!!!

and now your cheek is smooshed against his bicep as you lean against him and he just-

he’s obsessed

“wait, i need to tell you something…” you shake your head and grab onto jungkook’s wrist “becuz honestly i’m prolllllly not going to come bak here because i don’t like not being able to feel my face-“

jungkook snorts

you have to come back because you still have two wisdom teeth to pull out

but he’s not going to say anything because you’re in a very delicate state right now

“yes?”

“you wanna go out for ithe cream one day?” you look up at him while keeping your cheek squished to his arm and he practically meLts at your doe eyes

he is a deer in the headlights of love

the slight lisp is just the cherry on top

“-orrrr coffeeeee if you’re not an ithe cream person but i’M an ithe cream person-“

“like on a date?”

jungkook can’t tell if ur being serious or not considering the fact that there are enough drugs in your system right now to knock out a whole sanctuary of elephants

you nod enthusiastically and squeeze his hand “ya we can call it a date if u want!!! oR it can be a super casual hang out but i juz think ur super cute n i’m not jus sayin that because i’m hopped up on druGs-“

the little wrinkle of your nose and giggle when he responds with a ‘i would love to go for ice cream with you.’ shouldN’t have made jungkook feel so giddy but-

“alright, she’s still a little loopy from the surgery but she should be fine! the gauze pad placed over the surgical area should be kept in place for about a half hour and then you can go ahead and remove it. make sure she doesn’t touch the wound because-“

“why- wYYyy are you talking like i’m not standing right here??? you can juz talk to me direCtly” you tug on jungkook’s sleeve and he glances at you

you lean against his shoulder and reach up to pat your swollen cheek tenderly

owie :-(

jungkook’s mouth twitches in a fond smile

:-))

he knows you’re not going to remember even half of what he tells you but he’ll play along

thankfully you have your friends here who are conscious and will probably remember everything he’s going to say

“riiiight, my bad. how about you stand over here, hm? right in front of me”

jimin pulls you towards him and you stumble a bit before turning around so you can face jungkook

“you may prrrroooceed.” you roll your ‘r’ before giving jungkook a little curtsey

“thank you very much, your majesty. as i was saying, don’t touch the wound because that can cause bleeding and that wouldn’t be good. take the prescribed pain medications as soon as you begin to feel discomfort - that’s probably going to happen after the effects of the anaesthetic diminish. also, placing ice packs on the side of your face might be a good idea to help with the swelling.”

“the thwell- the thwelling???” you gasp and reach up to pat your face again

o god

you probably look like a chipmunk right now

in front of juNGKOOK

even in your drugged up state you knoW that you don’t look the least bit attractive right now

“we-“ you turn to look at tae “we gotta go home cos i don’t look cute righnnow and i wan jungkook to think that i look cute-“

“okAy let’s get you home!!!” taehyung cuts you off and gives jungkook a sheepish smile

“c’mon, get up-“ jimin squats down so that he can give you a piggyback ride because he feels like it’s going to take a lot longer to get home if they let you toddle around on your own

“jimin i needa tell u i’m going out on an ithe cream date with jungkook because he’s really pretty and-“

“uh-huh, you sure are going out with jungkook! definitely!” jimin chirps as he walks out the door with you on his back

he bounces slightly to adjust you

taehyung turns back to face jungkook before starting to back up towards the glass doors “sorry about her, man-“

“byeeeee, jungkook! i love you!!!! weLL okay i don’t loVe you yet but i couLD-“

“so, we’ll see you later for y/n’s other set of wisdom teeth!” tae chuckles and looks over to see you slumPed over jimin

“yeah, i’ll see you guys later!” jungkook smiles lightly and-

“i’m totAlly gonna let him put hishands down muh pants on our date if he wants to-“

jungkook snorts

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

drabble tag

[suituuup]

clouds

Prompt: After finding out she has Stage II breast cancer, Beca gets started with chemo. She never expected she’d make a friend there, much less a kid.

rating: M

word count: 5,4k

ao3 link

*

“All done,” the nurse chirps as she takes out the needle and presses a wad of cotton to the small puncture spot. “You’ll have to wait an hour or so for the lab results to come back before they set you up for chemo.” 

“Okay,” Beca mumbles, lowering her sweater sleeve and standing from the cot. She thanks the nurse and shuffles out of the room and towards the elevator that will take her up to the right floor. 

A month ago, Beca found out she had breast cancer. She had just got back from tour and was on her annual gynecology check-up where the doctor felt a lump in her left breast. She referred Beca to a specialist and, following a mammogram and a biopsy, Beca was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer. 

Her whole universe as she knew it shifted on its axis. While her chances of survival were pretty high at that stage, she knew treatment would momentarily change her daily life, and that the few months ahead would be an emotional whirlwind.

Beca got set up just over an hour later on a reclining chair on the infusion floor. She had packed a bag with everything she would need: snacks, a blanket, water, and her computer and headphones so she could get some work done. 

The nurse soon came over to start an IV, Beca wincing as the needle pierced her skin. “Alright, you’re all set. Call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

She closes her eyes and puffs out a long breath, willing herself to relax. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay on your own?”

Beca opens her eyes to find a little girl, no older than ten or eleven, climbing in the chair next to hers. Her mom, Beca supposes from the matching hair color, crouches in front of her. 

“Yes, mom. I already told you I’ll be okay.” 

“Okay, okay. I’ll be back in half an hour.” The woman kisses the girl’s forehead, shrugging off the Wonder Woman backpack and setting it on her daughter’s lap. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” As soon as her mother turns away to leave the room, her curious blue eyes find Beca. “You’re new.”

Beca puffs out a surprised chuckle. “I am, yeah.”

A small hand is thrust towards her. “I’m Maddie.”

Beca shakes her hand lightly. “Hi Maddie, my name’s Beca.” 

“Nice meeting you.” She opens her backpack just as the nurse heads towards her. “Hi Jenny.”

“Hello Maddie. How are we doing today?”

“I’m okay, thanks. Mommy and I are going to eat ice cream afterwards.” She rolls up her sleeve and extends her arm, barely flinching as the nurse pushes the needle in. 

Beca realizes with a painful pang in her chest that it’s definitely not her first time getting chemo. 

“Lucky you,” the nurse gushes, taping the IV tube to her arm. “All done, sweetie. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks, Jenny.”

Beca glances away, her eyes drifting to her own IV bag. It’s strange to think about how what’s supposed to kill the cancer is also killing every good cell in her body. Soon she’ll be losing her hair and—

“Who’s your favorite singer?”

Beca is pulled out of her thoughts by that same girl — Maddie. An amused smile curves her lips. “Um, I like a lot of singers, but I guess my top 3 is Fleetwood Mac, Harry Styles and Beyoncé.”

“My mom loves Fleetwood Mac,” she says. “Mine’s Shawn Mendes.”

Beca nods. “He’s a cool guy.”

Those striking blue eyes widen. “You’ve met him??”

Beca has worked with him on his last album and he’s become a good friend, but she wants to keep a low profile, so she shakes her head. “No, I mean— he seems like a cool guy.”

“Oh. Yeah. I was supposed to go see him live last year but I wasn’t healthy enough.”

Beca’s heart cracks a little bit at that. “That sucks, I’m sorry.”

Maddie shrugs. “It’s okay. Do you know how to play Backgammon?”

Beca lets out another chuckle. She hadn’t expected to meet anyone here, much less a kid (she’s not a kid person), but she has to admit it’s a nice distraction from her spiraling thoughts. “No, but maybe you could teach me?”

The next two hours go much faster than Beca initially expected, thanks to Maddie’s company. Her mom —Chloe, as she introduces herself— comes back half an hour in, but she seems content reading her book while Beca and Maddie play. 

“Yes!” Maddie exclaims when she —once again— wins that round. 

“Well done, dude. I’ll do better next time.” 

“You wanna come eat an ice cream with us?” She asks as the nurse takes Beca’s IV out. 

Beca already feels tired and nauseous, so she declines, shaking her head. “Thanks, but I’m gonna head home. It was cool hanging out with you, though.” 

“You, too. See you next time!” 

Beca nods, casting her mother a polite smile as she gathers her stuff and stands up. “Bye.” 

The first effects of chemo hit her for real a couple hours afterwards. Exhaustion like she’s never experienced creeps on her right before dinner (she’s not really hungry anyway), and she crashes for thirteen hours, waking up with the urge to throw up. Her day is spent wallowing on her couch when she’s not bent over the toilet, weaving in and out of sleep while the sitcom channel fills the silence of her empty apartment. 

It lasts two days, and Beca starts feeling better on the third, which happens to be her second chemo session. Maddie and her mom are already there when she gets to the room, and she casts them both a wave and a tired smile before sitting down in the same seat as last time. 

“Hi Beca!” Maddie exclaims, grinning brightly. 

“Hey dude. Ready to kick my butt at Backgammon again?” 

“Yep!” She turns to her mom a second later. “Mommy I have to pee.” 

“Oh go quick then, before the nurse starts you on your IV.” Maddie scampers off towards the bathroom, and Chloe’s eyes flicker to Beca, a sympathetic smile spreading on her features. “How are you holding up?” 

Beca grimaces. “The last two days have been pretty awful, I’m hoping it won’t get as bad after each session.” 

“Yeah… it’s rough.” 

“How long-- um, has she been in chemo long?” She asks hesitantly. 

“It’s our second round this time around,” Chloe says softly, the pain evident in her eyes. “She was diagnosed with leukemia three years ago, and it’s been an emotional roller coaster since then. Two remissions, yet here we are again.” 

Beca’s eyes widen. “Wow... I’m so sorry.” 

“She’s a fighter. Much braver than I could ever be. Always has a smile on her face.” 

Maddie comes back before Beca can say anything else, hopping back on her chair. Beca manages to win two rounds out of ten this time, and she crashes in her bed as soon as she gets home. 

The next few weeks are a blur, as Beca doesn’t do much except going to the hospital three times a week for chemo and sleeping it off. She misses work, and going out with her friends, but she doesn’t have the energy to leave the house. She’s thankful for Stacie and Emily, who regularly come to check on her and even go grocery shopping for her. 

Four weeks after beginning her treatment, Beca’s hair starts to fall off. She knew it would happen, but she didn’t think it would hit her so hard emotionally. She loses weight, too, and her complexion is much paler. 

Maddie’s high spirits are a nice distraction every time she’s at the hospital. They play games, listen to music, and even grab ice cream once or twice with her mom when Beca feels okay enough not to head straight home. 

On her last day of chemo, Beca is surprised to see Maddie isn’t there. “Is her treatment over?” She asks Jenny as the nurse sets her up for her infusion. 

Jenny shakes her head. “She was admitted last night.” 

Beca’s heart squeezes in her chest, and she swallows down the rising lump in her throat. “Do you know if she’s allowed visitors?” 

“I’m not sure. I’ll check for you.” 

After her session, Beca heads to the oncology floor and asks for Maddie’s room at the reception. She heads down the hall, turning the corner and lingering in the doorway. 

Maddie looks so small in her hospital bed, her complexion as pale as the white walls. An oxygen mask covers her mouth and nose, a wheezing sound filling the room every time she breathes. Chloe’s the first to notice Beca as she sits by her daughter’s side, stroking her hair. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure-- I can go,” Beca murmurs, feeling suddenly out of place. 

“It’s okay,” Chloe croaks out, waving her in. Her eyes are bloodshot and her features scream exhaustion and despair, and Beca’s heart clenches yet again. 

Maddie finally notices her, a tired smile spreading across her lips. “Hi.” 

“Hey dude,” Beca greets with a soft smile, lowering herself on the opposite chair because her legs feel weakened by the chemo. “Missed you today.” 

“Did you ring the bell?” 

Beca nods. “I did.” 

“Sorry I wasn’t there.” 

“It’s okay, Maddie. I’m sorry you’re not feeling good. I was thinking-- would you like to listen to some cool music? I used to mix songs together when I was in college and nobody really ever listened to them, so you’re privileged.” 

Maddie grins and nods, taking the earbud Beca offers her.

She sticks around for half-an-hour, giving Chloe time to use the restroom and grab a coffee while she keeps Maddie company. As she walks out of the hospital, Beca pulls out her phone and brings it to her ear after selecting the right contact. 

“Hey. I need a favor.” 

Two days later, Beca finds herself heading back to the oncology floor. She knocks on Maddie’s open door, relieved to see her sitting up and looking overall better than she did on Beca’s last visit. 

“Beca!” She exclaims, grinning widely. 

“Hey you.” Her gaze flickers to Chloe, who too looks better. “Hey Chloe.” 

“Hi Beca. Thanks for stopping by,” Chloe says with a soft smile. 

“I’m not alone, actually,” she lets them know, craning her neck towards the door to signal for her guest to come in. 

Maddie gasps loudly, her eyes widening to the side of saucers. “Oh my god!” 

“Hey Maddie,” Shawn greets, grinning as he steps further inside. He’s got his guitar slung across his back. “How are you doing?” 

Maddie stutters, pulling a chuckle out of the three adults in the room. “Hi,” she eventually croaks out. “You’re Shawn Mendes. And you’re here. In my room.” 

Shawn lets out a soft laugh. “Beca told me you were meant to come see one of my shows last year but couldn’t make it because of your health, so here I am.” 

Maddie gapes, her gaze flicking back and forth between Shawn and Beca. “Mom, I think I need to be pinched.” 

“It’s all real, baby,” Chloe confirma, brushing a kiss to Maddie’s forehead. As Shawn gets settled in the chair by Maddie’s bed and fiddles with his guitar, she meets Beca’s eyes and mouths a thank you. 

Maddie has the biggest smile on her face for the following hour. Shawn plays her favorite songs, signs an autograph and they snap a ton of pictures together. Beca goes home with the biggest smile on her face as well, thrilled to have been able to make Maddie forget about her disease even for a short while. 

Beca goes back to work the following Monday as the chemo after effects have considerably lessened over the weekend. She’s still more tired than usual, but she feels like she can get some work done. On her way back home, she swings by the hospital to visit Maddie. 

She hangs out with her every evening after work for an hour, right before Maddie’s dinner is served. They talk about music and Beca brings her guitar because Maddie says she’s been wanting to learn. 

“Good job,” Beca says as Maddie successfully strums through her first song. “You’re really talented.” 

Maddie grins. “Thanks for the class.” 

“You’re welcome. I’ll leave the guitar here if you wanna practice some more during the day, okay?” 

Maddie nods. “Are you coming back tomorrow?” 

“You bet.” 

She’s reached the elevators when she hears her name being called, and spins around on her heels to find Chloe heading towards her. 

“I just wanted to thank you, for everything. Bringing Shawn Mendes here, giving her guitar lessons... “ Chloe sighs. “She doesn’t have many friends because she hasn’t been to school much and it’s nice for her to see other people than her lame mom all the time.” 

Beca smiles, shaking her head. “You don’t have to thank me. She’s a great kid, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. She made chemo a lot more fun than I thought it would be.” 

“I’m glad,” Chloe murmurs. “Do you… wanna grab coffee, maybe? Maddie kicked me out, telling me I should take a hospital break.” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Okay, great. I’ll go grab my coat.” 

They head to the Starbucks around the block as the coffee from the cafeteria sucks, settling at a small table in the corner. Beca orders a decaf and Chloe a hot chocolate. 

“How are you now that you’re done with chemo?” Chloe asks before blowing on her drink and taking a sip. 

“I’m okay. No more side effects except tiredness, but I’m glad to finally be able to work.” 

“That’s good.” 

“Maddie seems to be doing better?” 

Chloe nods as she cradles her mug. “Her test results have improved. I’m hoping she can be home for Christmas. She’s spent the holidays at the hospital last year and as much as the nurses and doctors do their best to make it merry, it’s just not the same.” 

“Yeah, I can imagine.” Beca hesitates for a beat. “Is it… just the two of you?” 

“Yeah. Her dad never wanted to be in the picture.” 

Beca’s eyes soften. “That must be tough, doing everything on your own.” 

“Some days are hard. I’m just-- so fucking tired,” her voice cracks and tears rapidly fill her eyes. She ducks her head. “Shit, I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t apologize,” Beca rushes out, covering Chloe’s hand across the table before she can think twice about it. “It’s okay to cry. You’re stronger than you think, and you’re an incredible mom, Chloe.” 

“I’m terrified of losing her,” she whispers, those tears spilling down her cheeks. “She’s my whole life, and she doesn’t deserve any of this.” 

Beca doesn’t know what to say; no words seem powerful enough to alleviate Chloe’s pain. She squeezes Chloe’s hand, brushing her thumb over her knuckles back and forth. “No, she doesn’t.” 

“Gosh, I’m really sorry,” Chloe sniffles after a moment, puffing out a breath. “I guess I needed a good cry and you’re my victim.” 

“It really is okay, Chloe. Anytime you need to talk, I’m here, okay?” 

Chloe flips her hand up, wrapping her fingers around Beca’s. “Thank you. That means a lot.” 

As the next few weeks go by, Beca’s hair starts to grow back (she still wears a headscarf, and will do so until it thickens out), and her energy levels rise back to normal. Work gets busier but she tries to visit Maddie three times a week, usually going out for coffee with Chloe once out of those three times. They text a lot too throughout the week, sending each other memes or cute animal videos. 

Beca finds herself quickly developing a crush on Chloe over their sometimes hour-long conversations about their respective lives, charmed by her sunny personality, goofy sense of humor and both interior and exterior beauty. But she knows better than to do anything about her attraction, as Chloe is most likely not in any place to date right now, if she’s even into women at all. 

Maddie is allowed to spend Christmas at home, and Chloe asks Beca if she wants to spend it with them as she knows Beca doesn’t have anything specific planned. They spend the afternoon leading up to Christmas Eve building gingerbread houses and baking cookies while belting out Christmas tunes. 

(as if Beca needed anything else to fuel that crush of hers, it turns out Chloe sings beautifully.)

They eat a meal of Maddie’s choice --homemade burgers and fries-- and watch The Beauty and the Beast. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Chloe tells her as she makes it back down after tucking Maddie in for the night. Beca started cleaning up in the meantime, having just finished up. 

“I know. It’s no big deal.” 

“Want another glass of wine?” Chloe asks, lifting the open bottle off the kitchen island. 

Beca should head home, but Chloe’s place is much warmer and cozier than her own and she loves hanging out there. She also can’t resist the opportunity of spending more quality time with Chloe. “Sure, why not.” 

“Tonight was really fun,” Chloe muses aloud as they settle back down on the couch, facing one another. “I’m so happy Maddie got to have a real Christmas this year.” 

“Me, too,” Beca murmurs. “It was really nice. And that’s coming from someone who’s not that into the holidays, so kudos to you.” 

Chloe throws her arms up in the air. “Yay! I did it!” 

“You’re a dork,” Beca says, a smirk curving her lips as she shakes her head. “Ugh, I’ve got All I Want For Christmas Is You stuck in my head, thanks to somebody.”

“It’s a good song!” 

Beca rolls her eyes. “It’s cheesy as fuck, dude.” 

Chloe’s giggle makes her heart swell. “Okay, it’s a little bit cheesy. So is the movie.” 

“Never seen it.” 

A judgemental gasp fills the space between them before Chloe backs away. “You’ve never seen Love Actually?” 

Beca purses her lips. “Are you gonna kick me out if I say yes?” 

Chloe’s up from the couch before she can blink. “We’re watching it now.” 

Beca’s about to protest, but she realizes it’s only 9:30pm and she doesn’t have to go to work tomorrow. “Fine.”

Chloe sets it up on Netflix and grabs a blanket, throwing it over her laps as she settles back down. Beca nearly forgets how to breathe when Chloe curls up against her, draping an arm over her waist. She frees her arm from in between their bodies and wraps it around Chloe’s frame, pulling her closer as the opening credits roll. 

“Keira Knightley was my first girl crush,” Chloe states moments later as the actress makes her first appearance on the screen. “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

“Haven’t seen it either.”

“Oh my god,” Chloe laughs, lifting her head from Beca’s shoulder to look at her. “You’re missing out.”

“Mmm,” Beca hums, her eyes momentarily dropping to Chloe’s lips before she can really help herself. She forces them back up to find Chloe’s own gaze on her mouth and, following a beat of hesitation, reaches up to cup her cheek tenderly, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips. 

Chloe melts into it, her own hand coming up to rest on the side of Beca’s neck as she kisses back in kind. Time seems to suspend as they explore in soft brushes and nips, their bubble bursting when Chloe abruptly pulls away.

“I’m— I’m sorry,” she whispers, covering her mouth with her hand. “You don’t want that.”

Beca blinks, furrowing her brow. “What?”

“You deserve someone that can be all in, not…” she waves a hand towards herself. “Not this mess. My life is so complicated right now.”

“I know,” Beca says softly, covering Chloe’s hand with her own. “I know your sole focus is Madison, and I’d never hold your lack of time for me against you. I honestly— didn’t even think you’d feel the same way.”

Chloe’s eyes flutter shut for a few beats. “I like you a lot, Beca. I just… can’t promise you more than day to day right now.”

“We can do day to day,” Beca murmurs reassuringly. “There’s no pressure on my end, alright?”

Chloe contemplates it for a moment. “Okay.” She leans in to kiss Beca gently, resting her forehead against hers. “Okay.”

They fall asleep in front of the movie, eventually shuffling up to Chloe’s bedroom around midnight as Chloe states it’s too late for Beca to head home. 

Come morning, Beca takes care of breakfast while a nurse stops by to take Maddie’s vitals and do some injections. They open presents next as Maddie is too excited to wait until after breakfast. Beca got her a few books and a VIP ticket to Ariana Grande’s next show in a couple weeks. She got Chloe a full day spa package for whenever she’d like, insisting she could spend the day with Maddie. 

“For you,” Maddie says, extending a small package towards Beca. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything, dude.” She takes the gift nonetheless, opening it to find a rainbow themed friendship bracelet. Beca grins, taking it out. “I love it. Never taking it off.”

The New Year brings good news: Maddie’s health improves enough that she’s discharged from the hospital, and Beca is clear from any cancer, the chemotherapy having worked tremendously. They celebrate Maddie coming home and Beca being cancer free around a homemade dinner at Chloe’s house. 

“Are you guys together?” Maddie blurts out halfway through dinner, causing Beca to nearly choke on her piece of bread. 

She and Chloe haven’t engaged in any sort of PDA around Maddie as Chloe wants to take it slow, but something must have given them away. 

Maybe the heart eyes Beca gives Chloe on a daily basis. 

She briefly meets Chloe’s gaze before Chloe focuses on her daughter, a soft, albeit slight nervous smile curving her lips. “We are, yeah. Is that okay?” 

Maddie nods. “You look happy, Mommy.” 

Beca feels her heart swell, and as Maddie goes back to her food, she leans across the distance between herself and Chloe to kiss her cheek. 

Something tells her this is going to be a great year. 

Over the following months, she, Chloe and Maddie do plenty of activities together now that Maddie is healthy enough. They go ice skating, attend concerts, bake, have movie marathons. Beca falls so quickly in love with Chloe, it’s kind of scary. 

They’re even talking about moving in together when Maddie relapses. 

She’s admitted into the ICU after contracting pneumonia, and the tests show that her number of white blood cells is higher than it’s ever been. 

“Where’s Mommy?” Maddie asks tiredly, twisting her head to look at Beca. 

It’s been a week, and the light has already left Maddie’s eyes. 

Chloe hasn’t gotten much sleep over the last few days, afraid that Maddie might pass during the night, on her own. 

“She went to the bathroom, sweetie. Want me to go get her?” 

When Maddie nods, Beca shakily rises to her feet and swallows down the lump in her throat as she leans over to press a kiss to Maddie’s forehead. 

Beca doesn’t step back inside Maddie’s room once Chloe is in there, preferring to give them privacy. She calls for a nurse, then sits down on a chair in the hallway, tears silently sliding down her cheeks when Chloe starts to sing. 

Her heart crumbles when the song doesn’t make it to the end, sobs filling Maddie’s hospital room instead. She hears the doctor pronounce the time of death, and the machines stop. 

Night has fallen over the city by the time Beca finds the courage to step inside. Chloe is curled up on the bed next to Maddie’s lifeless body, and Beca freezes in the doorway, feeling absolutely powerless against Chloe’s immense grief. 

“Her skin is still warm,” Chloe croaks out after a minute, her gaze blank as she strokes Maddie’s short hair back and forth. 

Beca pads forward slowly, tears burning her eyes as she lowers herself on the chair Chloe previously occupied and covers her free hand with her own. 

“I can’t let them take her away. It’s too soon, I-I can’t.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Beca whispers, her voice nowhere within reach. “Take all the time you need, they won’t take her away until you’re ready.”

Chloe’s parents, whom Beca has met a couple times over the previous week arrive only a few minutes later, and Beca suddenly feels out of place. 

She quietly slips out of the room to let them say goodbye to Maddie in peace. 

Madison’s funeral takes place five days later. It’s a beautiful day, graced with unexpected warmth for the season. Beca stands a couple rows behind Chloe’s family. She helps Chloe’s parents out during the wake following the ceremony, setting out the food and washing the dishes. 

As people shuffle out at the end of the afternoon, Beca is unsure what to do. She’s wiping the last of the dishes when Aubrey, Chloe’s best friend, rounds the corner to the kitchen. 

“Thank you for your help today,” she says with a nod. “I’ll finish up here.” 

Beca gets the message that she’s not needed anymore and nods, setting the dish towel down. “Oh. Right, okay.” 

She gathers her coat and purse and sees that Chloe is speaking to her parents on her way out, and as she doesn’t want to intrude, steps out without a word. 

“Beca.” She turns around halfway down the driveway to find Chloe closing the front door of her house behind her. “You don’t have to leave.” 

“Well, um, you’re with your family and...” she falters, shrugging. “I just didn’t want to intrude.” 

She hates how it sounds like she’s making this about herself when it’s the last thing she wants to do. 

“Can you stay?” Chloe croaks out. “I’d really like it if you stayed.” 

“Of course,” she murmurs without an ounce of hesitation, taking a few steps forward and wrapping her arms around Chloe. Chloe melts into her body, releasing a shuddering breath. “I’ve got you, Chlo.” 

The next days, weeks, months are extremely hard for Chloe, and Beca helps in whatever way she can. While she can’t make Chloe’s grief less intense, as much as she wants to, she can take care of things that will make her daily life easier, like taking care of the administrative paperwork following Maddie’s funeral, sending out thank-you notes, making dinner, cleaning and just being there for her. 

She holds Chloe when she cries, even if it happens in the middle of the night, gives her space when she needs some, listens to her when she needs to talk about Maddie, even if it’s a story she’s already heard. 

“Chlo?” Beca asks upon coming home one evening, about four months after Maddie’s death. She’s been staying at Chloe’s house ever since, and while they haven’t really talked about it, Beca wants it to become a permanent installment, and she’s got the inkling Chloe feels the same way. 

“In the kitchen,” Chloe’s voice carries to the entryway and, after taking her shoes off and tucking them away, Beca heads over to the kitchen, slipping her arms around Chloe’s waist. 

“Hello,” she whispers with a content sigh, brushing a kiss to Chloe’s neck. “Missed you.” 

“Missed you, too. How was your day?” 

“Good.” She takes a step back and hops on the counter, watching Chloe cook for a moment. She hasn’t done that since before Maddie’s relapse and Beca takes it as one small step towards healing. “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Chloe lowers the heat under her pot and steps in front of Beca. “What’s up?” 

“A few months ago, I pitched the idea to Shawn about organizing a concert in memory of Maddie, where all proceeds would go to funding leukemia research.” 

Chloe’s eyes get misty as she proceeds Beca’s words. “You did? What-what did he say?” 

“He agreed. Now we need to work on finding a venue with a limited budget, but I wanted to make sure you were okay with the idea in the first place.”

Chloe slides her hand into Beca’s, squeezing it. “Of course I am. You’re amazing, you know that? I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am for you these past few months.”

Beca leans in to kiss her softly. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Chloe backs away a little. “I also need to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I can live here anymore. Everything I see reminds me of Maddie one way or another and it feels like I’m in a continuous loop of grief all day long. I wanna go back to work and— and find a new place to live, in a different neighborhood. With you, preferably.”

Beca smiles and nods, linking their fingers. “Okay, we can do that. Wanna start looking now?”

They find themselves a place in a quiet Brooklyn neighborhood and move in a month later. The concert for Maddie is sold out, and they raise close to $10,000 dollars for medical research. Almost a year after the funeral, Chloe asks Beca if she’d come with her to Oregon to spread Maddie’s ashes near her favorite beach. 

They fly there the following weekend, and Chloe bids her daughter a final goodbye.

“Mommy loves you, baby girl,” she croaks as they watch the ashes being swept away by the wind towards the ocean. 

Beca presses her lips to her hairline, holding her around the waist as tears burn behind her eyes. 

She proposes to Chloe six months later, and they get married in Chloe’s parents’ backyard on a lovely fall day, in an intimate ceremony surrounded by their family and close friends. Two years into their marriage, Chloe brings up a topic Beca has been putting off for a little while. 

That evening, Beca finds her wife on the couch with Maddie’s box opened in front of her. She’s flipping through Maddie’s baby book, a fond expression on her features. 

“That was her first time tasting lemon,” she says when Beca lowers herself next to her, wrapping an arm around her frame as Chloe cuddles into her side. 

“That’s adorable,” Beca comments with a soft smile, her eyes moving to the next picture as her fingers feather up and down Chloe’s upper arm. 

Chloe’s been going down memory lane the past few days, opening up the box that contains all the things she wanted to keep: Maddie’s plush dinosaur, a few Mother’s Day gifts she’d made Chloe, her favorite children’s book and of course plenty of photo albums. 

Her grief comes in waves. Beca knows the loss of her child is not something she’ll ever ‘move on’ from, or ‘get over’. The ache is still present, some days more suffocating than others, and Beca does her best to help her through those. 

“Do you ever think about having kids?” 

Chloe’s question makes Beca briefly pause in her motions. “I do, yeah. But it’s okay if that’s not something you’re ever ready for, I promise.” 

“Up until a few months ago, I thought that having another one would come across as though I’m trying to replace Maddie and I felt guilty. But my therapist helped me through it and... I do want to have a baby with you someday.” Chloe glances up from the album, looking at Beca. “I think-- I think I might be ready, soon?” 

“Okay.” Cupping Chloe’s cheek, Beca leans forward to brush a kiss to her lips. “I love you.”

Oliver Beale-Mitchell comes into the world a year and a half later, four days past his due date. 

“Hello,” Chloe whispers as she walks back to Beca, carrying their swaddled newborn. She lowers herself on the side of the bed. “He’s so beautiful, Becs.” 

A tired yet beaming smile spreads across Beca’s lips as she reaches out to run her thumb over his knuckles, leaning her head against Chloe’s shoulder. Her heart feels full. “Hi little man.” She glances up at Chloe. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Chloe croaks out, seemingly unable to tear her gaze away from their bundle of joy. She bends down to brush a kiss to his forehead. “Welcome to the world, Olliebear.”