#carrot boi

[fleshmonger]

Rotating Sandwich Mood Board

Rotating Sandwich Mood Board

[leonardoeatscarrots]

I know someone's made this format with these two already, but it wasn't this specific joke soo

[homoquartz]

meanwhile to be edwin, fresh out of hell and finding out that it's been 70 years, seeing a kid get the shit beat out of him and deciding damn, i better go bring this kid something warm because it's the dead of winter and you know how much it sucks to get beat up by bullies

and you're like, he'll see the floating lantern but whatever, he'll get over it, but then he sees YOU

and you're like, shit, he's dying. (you can't catch a FUCKING break.) don't freak him out.

talk to him like he's a tiny frightened little baby deer

[cheeseburgersinparadise]

studies in softness

[outsidersheadcanons]

Ponyboy has an unhealthy obsession with carrots (he LOVES carrots so much that they’re the only vegetables he’ll eat) and the whole gang bullies him mercilessly for it.

[puppyeared]

auggie!!

[xochimillilili]

Something about having a cute little sweet evening with my pup filled with baking and fucking sounds so fucking enticing. I get so excited just thinking of kissing and hugging him from behind, nuzzling my face into his back, setting little playful bites on their neck before finally bending him over the table once our treats are in the oven—

Slapping his ass and spanking his dripping cunt with a wooden spoon as I grip his pretty puppy hips and claw nice achey scratches down his outer thighs. Telling him to stay and speak like a good puppy as I shove my cock into his ass, thrusting a bottle into his cunt, fucking both his holes while he barks and moans for me like the good obedient doggie he is~

Afterwards I'll have him sat on my lap all cozy, snuggled up against my chest with my cock in his cunt while we happily giggle and decorate the lil cookies we baked~

[cielsiesta]

happy birthday kenny 🎉 fun facts about kenny he loves the band ween, his little sister, his boyfriend and boobies!!!!

[shazzyv]

Been rereading the Discworld City Watch series coz those books are like crack laced with serotonin and I think Carrot is simultaneously one of the best and most terrifying characters in Discworld.

Best because yes he's the goodest boi and he's got a werewolf gf and he's unfailingly honest and decent to pretty much everyone and is so earnest and sweet people just can't disappointment him. Except...

One thing that sticks in my head is that last scene in Men at Arms

SPOILERS for most of the City Watch books:

When, right at the end Cruces is telling Carrot he's a long lost king and has the documentation to prove. Carrot walks over to it, takes a read and while Cruces is doing his villain monologue, stabs him through the chest. It's quick and clean and Carrot doesn't even bat an eye that he just took a man's life on purpose.

I say on purpose because my boi literally committed manslaughter in the previous book when he threw the Law and Ordinances at Wonse. He didn't seem to miffed then either, aside from the fact he just misunderstood an order from a superior.

Granted it's a funny joke and Wonse was a bastard but Carrot doesn't seem to react to it.

Like, throughout the books Vimes constantly struggles with the urge to just go ham and remove all the people causing the problems. He's constantly faced with the cynicism and cruelty and just the sheer stupidity of the world and always tries to do the moral thing, to do it by the book because as he says, "if you can do it for a good reason, you can do it for a bad reason." He's in the grey between black and white.

Carrot on the other hand doesn't really seem to mind. We never really see what Carrot is thinking (probably because he's so honest he just flat out says it) so it's hard to parcel how he feels about things.

My headcanon is he killed Wonse by accident, never thought about it again and then killed Cruces when he realized Cruces was a greater threat than he realized plus was about to kill Vimes. You could say the same about him skewering a werewolf later on in Fifth Element, but that was a survival situation I feel. Granted he never really kills again but I like to think if Carrot was face to face with Carcer or Stratford it would've been a very short conversation.

I think that's another reason why Vimes keeps a close eye on Carrot. Imagine doing your best to live life by a strict set of moral principles only to have your charismatic, well beloved second-in-command simply kill a man in front of you then tell you without blinking you had a wedding to go to.

Carrot even says "Personal doesn't mean important" which kind of tells me that no matter what his feelings on the subject, he's going to try to do the right thing.

And he killed Cruces for, I feel, a good reason.

He's a good man who'll kill you without a word and Vimes is a good man who'll kill you when there's no other acceptable option.

Vimes is the grey and Carrot is the white that gets dirty.

[skrunksthatwunk]

the new (accidental) majima family mascot

discoveries + settling in

she won't sit still for the camera :(

headcanons + backstory + closeups below cut:

ok SO basically my idea's that nishida's got a niece or something and she can't keep her snake for whatever reason (i.e. moving in with fiance who's terrified of snakes), so he's taking care of her temporarily. and he's telling the other majima construction boys about this while they're on break and majima overhears and is like no way. ya Gotta let me meet the snake. because he's curious y'know.

he keeps trying to get her to like... do tricks or to feed her snacks and stuff. like c'mere girlie here i smuggled ya some crumbs ;) don't tell nishida okay ;)) but she is Not Interested because that doesn't even register as food to her. he's surprised by how cold she is and how content she is to just sit there most of the time but he kinda gets attached and long story short. majima family office pet.

kinda wonder if she'd be taken hostage at some point. feels like a substory plot.

anyway she's a corn snake so she's pretty low maintenance, and while majima's like >:/ woulda rather we'd gotten a big big fucker i mean look how small her head is >:// it's probably for the best, since most of the family hasn't had to care for a reptile before

some family members are scared of her. majima tells them to suck it up because he's scarier. if they get too fussy he starts sticking their hands in her enclosure just to fuck with them, until he realizes it scares the snake, and then he stops. he still threatens to take their pinkies and feed them to her, though. sometimes he leaves her shed skin at their desks and is like oooohhh she got out again whoooppss watch out she's a biter

he sticks to feeding her thawed frozen mice because that's what nishida and his niece did, but if he'd been on his own he'd probably have pit a live mouse against the snake to keep her strong and on her toes and bc he likes seeing her fight (don't do this btw)

he's very confused about snake anatomy (like. why doesn't she have eyelids?) and did some research and now knows like. wayyy too much about cloacas. which he tells nishida about because it makes him uncomfortable and he finds that funny

he gets really into enclosure decorating for a while, wanting to build her the biggest and coolest thing he can. it's kind of beautiful actually

given the life majima leads, such a low-maintenance animal actually kinda suits him. she needs him, but it's not for much and there's not that strong an emotional element to it on her end. there's a distance to it that lets him feel safer getting stuck on her, and which makes him feel a lot less guilty when he dips for a few days. (though he's sure to send someone around to check on her, he figures she can fend for herself outside of checking water levels and stuff)

also i feel like saejima would like her. mutual sitting there swag (she's not as energetic as majima and not as chill as saejima. in-betweener)

also majima leaves the gross stuff up to his boys, of course.

[erwinsvow]

sometimes the boys keep you in the dark about what they’re really up to—they think it’s easier than trying to explain everything to you. you’re real sweet, almost too nice and too sweet, so they know you’ll have your own issues with their plans. and besides all of that, you’re still a kook princess deep down, and when you get the sense that anything even remotely illegal is going on, you make the jump to panic immediately. 

so they don’t always tell you what’s going on-recon missions late at night are now exploring trips.

“why can’t we explore during the day, again? when it’s sunny?” you question, while jj shines a flashlight at your face, making you whine and cover your eyes. pope and john b share a glance.

“‘cause, princess, it’s more fun at night. otherwise pope couldn’t use all these gadgets. and it’s spooky, right?” jj throws in, hands wrapping around your stomach from behind and tickling. you start laughing, and they think they’ve avoided your question well enough for now. “see? havin’ fun now, arent’ya?”

“don’t worry, pretty girl, we’ll protect you.” you comply a lot more once john b says that.

at the chateau, when they’re all pouring over dusty old maps and books, you sit and flick through your phone until you’re bored enough to ask what they’re even looking at. the boys all exchange a glance—they do that a lot, you think absentmindedly. 

“uh, john b?” jj asks.

“um, well-” john starts, but gets interrupted by pope.

“no, jj went last time, so it’s my turn now-”

“well, i can go again, if you guys are occupied with this-”

“not gonna steal my turn, jayj.” pope walks over to you, leaving the pages behind. you smile at the attention, happy just to not be alone.

“should i go make lemonade for everyone? will you keep me company, pope?” and he nods, looking back at the boys a final time.

“sure, sweetheart, let’s go,” and he takes your hand in his, guiding you to the messy kitchen. 

just as you start cutting the lemons, you look up at pope, wanting to ask about what they were all so hyper-focused on—instead of being focused on you.

“will you tell me what they’re talking about?” you glance at pope shyly, always embarrassed since you worry if he thinks you’re dumb. 

“it’s nothing to worry your pretty head about, sweetheart. just john b’s stuff, and we’re tryna help him, s’all.” 

“can i help with anything?”

“you’re helping right now,” he reassures, and you feel giddy, starting the juice the lemons. “we all love your lemonade.” you come back with a pitcher of lemonade and a big smile, content to just lay around and watch them work into the afternoon. 

if you find out they’re gonna be on the boat, and they didn’t tell you, it’s a whole nightmare on its own. so when they finally have the perfect calm day to go use the underwater drone, they pick you up. 

you’re dolled up since it’s your absolute favorite—boat day! you’re wearing a flimsy yellow bikini and one of pope’s button ups over it, sporting john b’s old sunglasses and your matching shark-tooth necklace from jj. you climb onto the boat with your little pink cooler and the romance book you’ve been reading this week, before they take off into the ocean. 

“uh, princess?” jj asks, and you look up. he gestures at your cooler. “didn’t peg you to pack bait for us, but i mean, i’m grateful-”

“ew, jayj, no. it’s snacks!” you look at the others excitedly, opening the pink lid and taking out sliced fruit and carrot sticks. you pass them to john b, who passes them to pope, who then hands it to jj, who starts eating. “there’s also ranch for the carrot sticks, but i made it myself so it’s a lot healthier than the store-bought kind. and sandwiches for later. i love boat days.” 

you curl up with some apple slices and your book on the little seat, the boys looking at each other. a little while later, when they start what they really came out here for, john b catches jj and pope staring at you.

“i’m gonna propose. today.” 

“not if i do it first.”

[lewisinho]

jannik sinner the man that you are

[nyxp]

🥕Dieta do coelho🥕

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍒｡･ﾟ♡🍒｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡🍓｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡

O que é "Dieta do coelho"?

Acho que pelo nome já é meio óbvio, mas irei explicar (eu criei essa dieta pra mim, mas ela provavelmente já existia).

Bom, a dieta do coelho é basicamente você comer apenas cenouras do início ao fim dessa dieta .

O que É PERMITIDO e o que NÃO é PERMITIDO

Permitido:

Cenoura

Chás

Água (obviamente)

Café

Adoçante zero

Refrigerante/Energético zero

NÃO permitido:

Leite e qualquer bebida q não seja 0kcal

Açúcar

Temperos calóricos

Qualquer comida q não seja cenoura

Quantas unidades/gramas por dia e o modo de preparo?

Eu criei essa dieta justamente pra ser extremamente lowkcal.

Quando eu fazia essa dieta, eu fazia omad, bebia apenas água e café puro (sem açúcar e nem adoçante) e comia apenas uma cenoura crua e ralada por dia, as vezes eu temperava com um pouco de azeite e sal, mas eu recomendo não fazer isso se vc quer o mínimo de calorias.

Recomendações de como come-lá:

Crua

Com a ajuda de um descascador, tire a casca da cenoura (coma se quiser, mas eu jogo fora) e depois continue "descascando" ela até não sobrar mais nada. Vai ficar como umas tirinhas, sabe? Ou então, vc pode ralar.

Dos dois jeitos vc tem q mastigar bastante pra poder comer, oq é ótimo, pq dá a impressão q vc está comendo o suficiente.

Cozida

Com a ajuda de um descascador, descasque a cenoura. Após fazer isso, corte-a em rodelas (não tão finas e nem tão grossas), ou melhor, corte as rodelas no meio também, assim vai "duplicar" a quantidade e enganar o seu cérebro.

Sopa

Com a ajuda de um descascador, descasque a cenoura, corte-a em rodelas e a coloque em uma panela com água quente. Espere ela ficar bem mole, ao ponto de q de para vc amassar.

Quando ficar ao ponto, despeje a cenoura e um pouco da água da panela no liquidificador e bata/triture. Se quiser, coloque uma pitada de sal.

Essa dieta me ajudou a secar bastante, tanto as minhas pernas quanto a minha barriga secaram muito. Amanhã vou ao mercado comprar cenouras e voltar a essa dieta♡

Qualquer dúvida, escrevam nos comentários ou mandem ask anonimamente, se preferirem. Vou tentar responder oq estiver ao meu alcance.

[rretaenam]

[ijichi-nijika]

extremely petty and basically nothing but everytime a random youtuber calls out to the audience by saying “boys” (also guys and bros and dudes but like to a slightly lesser extent even though it still bugs me) it makes me want to die

please just call us chat im begging you don’t gender your audience for no reason

[foggysirens]

i feel so normal about him:)