#the neighbours probably thinking i got another dog

[slytherinslut0]

Can you include something about tying up Tom after giving him a lust poiton….

oh you filthy fuck. i love you

[dreorig]

Oh wow, you just happen to be taller and broader than your mercenary boyfriend!

[ deadpool x dom male reader | nsfw under the cut | had this sitting in my drafts for a while now so uhhh forgive any mistakes :P ]

First things first. He thinks that's so hot of you.

He brags about you to everyone. Everyone. Random people, someone's he's fighting with, a friend; they all will hear about how handsome and tall Wade's boyfriend is.

Wade gets heart eyes when you both are in public and you hold his waist or hug him from behind. A subtle possessive squeeze on him will also do the job.

Wade will steal your clothes. He is 6'2, do you seriously think he'd ever have another chance to feel smaller in someone else's clothes anytime soon? Yeah, he's not losing this chance.

How many times can he ask to arm wrestle with you until you threaten to cut his vocal chords?

"So we can't get to decide what we're getting for dinner and we both want different things..." "Wade—" "There's only one way to solve this situation..." "Wade. No." "ARM WRESTLING!" "NO."

You will give him piggy backs and carry him around in bridal style either you like it or not. It's a demand.

He jumps at you randomly. First time he did that he jumped from behind, but you didn't know that was him, so your instincts made you grab that apparently stranger and throw him across the room, making him hit a wall. Wade fell even more for you right then and there.

Wade was mesmerised. You desperate; so you ran towards him, already chanting an infinite amount of sorry's. "Shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to—" your apology was interrupted by the sound of Wade's laugh, which took you aback a little. Wade jumped to his feet and into your arms, this time you caught him properly. He wrapped his legs around your waist and arms around your neck, his chest still trembling with laughter. "Do you know how unbelievably hot that was? Never stop manhandling me."

Wade can reach the top shelves just fine but will ask you to grab the things instead. He just wants to enjoy his tall dog privilege.

He will always go to the gym with you if he's not busy re-killing former US presidents, slaughtering some asshole or pestering Logan. Hell, Wade loves to see your muscles flexing and your sweaty self after a good workout.

Asking you to pick him up (like this) became a part of your workout routine. He giggles and melts in your hold because he loves the fact that you pick him off the ground so effortlessly, like he's a piece of paper.

Fuck him doggy style and slap his ass with your big hands and you'll hear the loudest moan ever.

So loud you'll probably need to slip a few fingers inside his mouth to keep him shut. You don't need any neighbours hearing what's yours only.

You know what they say about big hands, eh? Wade knows it better than anyone and God, he loves the way you stretch him. Naturally he's got a high pain tolerance, so you being big and making him see things without having to use a toy is just perfect.

Doesn't mean you never use toys, tho. Fuck Wade's face and make him gag on your big cock while he has a dildo deep inside him, he'll give you the biggest puppy eyes ever as he humps on your leg.

You reminding him of your size difference never fails to make him wet. Never fucking fails. Tell him he should stand in front of you to get a better view since you're taller and he won't hide the fact that his underwear is already stained with pre-cum.

No marks such as love bites will stay on Wade's body due to his healing factor, much to his and your dislike, but eventually you found a way to claim him as yours — he's got to wear one of your shirts while you so relentlessly fuck him and even after you're done. Your scent and sweat that lingers on the fabric make Wade's head spin, often leading him to beg for you to fuck him once again.

Plus wearing your clothes just feels right. The way they're always oversized on him serves to remind him of how much bigger you are. He's got a size kink, he can't help it.

"Aren't you my little bitch?" you increased your pace. "Fuck, yes, yes," he pushed his hips down, meeting your thrusts. "Did I fuck you dumb? Use your damn words," you growled in his ear. Wade's cock throbbed at that. He was indeed beginning to think you fucked him dumb, yet he replied, "Arghh— yes, shit, yes, I'm your little bitch~" "Yeah, that's right. Let me show you how a real man treats a little bitch like you," you slapped his ass so hard even your own hand burned a little. Wade came right away without even having to touch his cock this time. How many times was it now? Not that he cared, he just wanted more, more, more. You chuckled, pleased with your own work. "Look at what a slap can do to a little bitch in heat." Wade wasn't sure of what you really said, but his ears caught "little bitch in heat" and he smiled dumb, more than happy to know he was your little bitch in heat.

[morgana-larkin]

Hiyaaa! Can you please do Agatha Harkness x fem reader, where Agatha has a panic attack and Y/N is there to calm her down please?

Hi! Thank you so much for sending an Agatha prompt! I did my best to write her as it’s my first time writing for Agatha. Not edited in the slightest and I hope you like it!

Protecting You

Warning: none

Words: 2.3k

“That damn stupid witch won’t crack!” Agatha yells as she enters her house. She just got back from killing Wanda’s dog, hoping that having her kids get upset will cause her to crack or bring the dog back to life, but she didn’t. She then goes to her kitchen and magic’s herself a tea. As soon as she takes a sip there’s a knock at her door. She puts her tea down and goes to answer it.

“Hiya neighbour!” You say and Agatha smiles at seeing you.

You met Agatha at one of those Neighbourhood meetings that Dottie was having. She offered you some alcohol when you looked as bored as her and you’ve been friends since.

“Hi Clara, how are you?” She asks as she steps aside to let you in.

“I’m alright, busy day though. Joe wanted some alone time so give our son a woodworking lesson so I decided to come here.” You tell her with a smile. “How are you?”

The one thing about you is that Agatha is starting to like you as more than a friend but in this life you’re married and with a child, she has no idea what you were like before.

“Busy as well, Ralph is always off doing god knows what so I can do whatever I want.” She tells you in her Agnes voice and you giggle.

“Must be nice, to not have to tend to a husband or take care of a child.” You tell her with a smile and then you frown. “But I don’t have a child or a husband.” You suddenly say and Agatha looks at you strangely.

“What was that, hun?” She asks you. You then suddenly look up at her with that lost look in your eyes that everyone has and a smile is replaced on your face again.

“What was what?” You ask her and Agatha looks at you before brushing it off.

After a couple hours at her place, you leave to go back home which is across the street. Agatha looks at your retreating form until you’re safe in your home. She then thinks about what happened earlier, you broke through the spell for a second, you’re fighting it really hard. Another thing that she noticed was that you mentioned that you don’t have a child or a husband which brought a smile to her face.

The next day everyone is getting ready for Halloween. In order to not raise suspicion to Wanda, Agatha goes and puts up decorations on her front lawn. When she looks across the street, she sees you doing the same thing but having a hard time hanging something up on the window due to being short. She walks across the street and hangs the decoration for you.

“And there we go!” She says and looks at you with a smile.

“Oh thank you Agnes. I was having trouble as I can’t reach.” You tell her and look down a little embarrassed.

“Oh that’s totally alright! We need short people to do things tall people can’t.”

“Like what?” You ask her, eyes full of wonder.

“Like looking innocent and adorable.” She blurts out before she thinks and your cheeks turn a shade of pink.

“Oh thank you. Um- do you want to come in for some tea? I was just about to have some.”

“Tea sounds lovely, hun.” She says and you both go inside. She should probably get back to plotting against Wanda but she can’t help but be around you.

“And here’s the tea and some biscuits if you’re hungry.” You offer on a plate and then sit down beside her with a cup of tea of your own. You take a sip and then put it on the coffee table and grab a biscuit.

Agatha looks at you curiously, yesterday you broke through the curse by yourself, and she wonders what would happen if you had help.

“Hun?” She starts and you hum and look at her. “Yesterday you said you don’t actually have a child or a husband. Why did you say that?” She asks and you look at her confused.

“What do you mean? My husband is at work and my child is at school.”

“What’s your child’s name?” She asks you and you’re about to say an answer but all of a sudden your mind comes up blank, you have no idea what your child’s name is. Agatha can see it in your eyes that you know something isn’t right but the spell is too strong. She then puts her hand to your temple and lifts the spell from your mind. “There, that must be better.” She tells you and you look at her with fear and confusion.

“What’s going on?” You ask and look around quickly and then at yourself. “What am I wearing? Who are you?”

“My name is Agatha Harkness and I just lifted Wanda’s curse from your mind. I’ll have to put it back in a few minutes to avoid suspicion but I wanted to know who you are.” Agatha tells you and she can see the wheels turning in your mind. “So who are you?”

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N.” You tell her and that says absolutely nothing to her.

“Yesterday you were able to half break through the curse. How?”

“What? I don’t even know what you’re talking about?”

“Are you from Westview? Do you live here?”

No, I’m from New York.” You tell her and she nods and clicks her tongue. “I came here to visit a friend.”

“Who’s your friend?”

“Her name is Sarah, but under the curse she goes by Dottie.” You tell her.

“Seeing her must have triggered you to try and break through the curse, and you managed yesterday.” She figures out. “Look I’m going to get Wanda to break it for everyone, but I have to put the curse back on you to do that, ok?” She says and you shake your head.

“No, please. It’s torture. All I hear and feel is pain and it’s too much!” You tell her and she looks at you with sympathy.

“I’m sorry, but everything will be back to normal soon enough.” She tells you and goes to break it but you get up and you go to run away but she stops you with her magic. “Before I put it back, I do want to do something.” She tells you and then gives you a kiss and you kiss her back. During the kiss she puts the curse back and pulls away before you go back to Clara and lifts her magic.

“Oh, would you look at the time! I gotta get back to those decorations. They’re not going to put themselves up!” You say and she smiles at you before bidding you goodbye.

The next day, she sees you in the crowd when she lifts the spell to torment Wanda. You two lock eyes when Wanda lifts the barrier from a section and tells everyone to leave. Agatha gives you a nod for you to leave but you freeze, for some reason you don’t want to leave her here. Agatha sees you freeze and sees Vision and Wanda’s kids start to disappear due to the barrier being lifted a little and knows you won’t make it. Agatha starts to panic cause she doesn’t want you to get in the crossover of a witch fight. And if to make it worse, the military starts to appear. She finally meets someone she likes and that person might die unless she acts fast. She flies to you, grabs you and flies you away before you have time to react. In a second you’re in your house from the curse and Agatha is looking at you.

“Listen Y/N, I have to go back but you have to leave. Over there is too dangerous for you so you have to run. Escape from the back and just keep going. Do you hear me?” She asks you and you just stare at her.

“I’m not leaving you, why are you staying if she lifted the curse?”

“It’s too complicated for you right now but I have to go back and you just have to run away, do you hear me?”

“I’m not going!” You say and stomp your foot.

“Jesus Y/N! Please go! I don’t want to lose you.” She tells you. “Sarah, your friend is across the barrier, don’t you want to be with her?” She asks you and you shake your head. “Oh my god! The one time I’m trying to save someone’s life and they’re refusing to be saved! Just my luck.” She screams and then turns back to you. “Fine, if you want to die then stay here or go right back on the battlefield.” She tells you while she points to where the battlefield is. “I can’t save you if you go out there, and you more than likely won’t live if you do!” She tells you before leaving through the door.

While Agatha goes back to fighting Wanda, you peek out through the window and see someone step in front of Wanda’s kids and stop the bullets. You see Wanda and Agatha in the air fighting and two Visions fighting. You run out of the house and go to the kids and the stranger that caught a bunch of bullets.

“Who are you?” She asks you.

“I’m-”

“Clara!” Tommy yells. “You’re still here.” He says to you.

“My name is actually Y/N. Who are you?” You ask her.

“My name is Monica. I know Wanda, I know she means no harm, she’ll save us.”

“No harm? Did you not go through the torture and pain in your head? I did and it sucked! If anyone actually saved us, it’s Agatha!” You yell at her and that gets Agatha’s attention, it distracts her long enough for Wanda to throw an object at her and sends her crashing into a building. “Agatha!” You yell and attempt to run to her but gets stopped by Tommy who runs in front of you to block your path.

“You shouldn’t go to her, it’s not safe for anyone to go there.” He tells you. You try again but get stopped again.

“Y/N!” Agatha yells and you look at her. “Leave now!” She continues and Wanda watches with interest.

The fight between Agatha and Wanda continue until Wanda takes all of Agatha’s power and sends them to the ground. You run to them now that everyone else is distracted. You hear Wanda sentence Agatha to imprisonment as Agnes but you run up to them and intervene.

“No wait!” You say before Wanda can do anything. “Don’t do that.”

“And why not?” Wanda asks you.

“Haven’t you already imprisoned enough people?” You ask her and she looks at you with guilt. “I know it was an accident but I think you’ve done enough. Just let her go as is.” You tell her and she seems to think about what you said. “She can’t do anything without her magic.” You add on and Wanda straightens her posture and backs off.

“You make a good point, I’ll let her stay as is.”

“You don’t deserve her magic.” You add when Wanda begins to walk away and she turns around to look at you.

“What did you say?”

“I said you don’t deserve her magic. You’re no better than a villain.”

“A villain would have killed her.” Wanda says.

“A villain would trap an entire town full of innocent people just to have her own happiness.” You counter and she looks at you before flying off. You then turn around to Agatha who starts walking off and you run after her. “Agatha!” You yell and you both get to the house you lived in under the curse.

“Why did you save me?” She asks you.

“Because I care about you.”

“I have no magic, I might as well die.” She says. “I can’t do anything without my magic.” She says and her breathing gets heavy.

“I don’t have magic and I think life is good without it.” You say, trying to cheer her up.

“You don’t understand, you’ve never had magic so you don’t know any better.” She says and she suddenly feels like she isn’t getting enough oxygen and she falls to the ground, breathing quickly. “I can’t breathe, why can’t I breathe?” She gets out and you run to her on the ground.

“Agatha, listen to me, you’re having a panic attack, ok. Can you look at me, please?” You tell her and a few seconds later she turns to look at you. “Good, now you need to follow my breathing.” You tell her and you start a breathing technique to help people who are having a panic attack. She tries to follow but fails, so you do the next best thing quickly so she doesn’t pass out. You grab both her cheeks and pull her in for a kiss. You pull back a few seconds later when you notice she isn’t breathing heavily and fast anymore. “Well that worked.” You say to her as she looks at you shocked.

“So you just kissed me to get me out of the panic attack?” She asks you and you shake your head after a couple seconds of thought,

“I kissed because I also wanted to kiss you, because I like you. All those moments where we were Clara and Agnes, I remember them and parts of Clara were me and you were completely you. And I began to like you, Clara began to like you, without even knowing.” You tell her. “I like you, Agatha.” You finish and she looks at you with wide eyes. She then surges forward and kisses you.

Taglist:

@imaginesmultifandoms

Let me know if you want to be added!

[ganondoodle]

actively fighting a full blown panic attack born out of sadness and anger after having to drive by yet another victim on the side of the road

it makes me livid how accepted it is to just let cats suffer and die disgustingly horrid deaths and live awful short lives just so what, for what?? so you dont have to play with them for an hour a day??? when i was little it was just kinda normal that they disappeared at some point, i didnt understand what it actually meant until our outdoor cat i loved dearly was found in the bushes near our house in a condition so horrible my dad has never told me and i have never dared to ask, she only made it to 6 and had horrible scars and infections before that i allowed my family to convince me to let my first own cat outside, we only had her for a year, she died at only 2 years old, i am still suffering from the guilt, it has never let me go, she went missing for a week and i walked the entire vilage up and down every day, yelling her name, wandering into the forest alone, talking to every stranger i met until one morning my mom told me that our neighbour who works for the city asked if we had a white cat with a very specific collar she had- he found her on a busy road crossing in the next bigger city, i never even got to bury her, its haunting me, the thought of her wandering lost and scared in the city for a week until meeting an awful end gives me headaches, the fact that i was the last one to see her alive, that i put her outside bc we were late for school and had to leave quickly, that she had come home with oil in her fur from crawling through maschines and cars before, that i was worried but still didnt act, that it is my fault, any time i am up to late its coming back, it will never let me go, if i had stood my ground and not allow her outside unless on a leash or similar shed still be alive today, any time i read a description at our local shelter it comes back, they still advocate for outside cats, all of them, even if they have only been an indoor one before, its madness my older sister had a cat, i dont even know how old he got but it wasnt long either, he got hit by a car in front of their house, she has two now again and the only reason she hasnt let them outside is because they havent shown much interest in it, i tried to warn her before and she didnt listen and shes still resistent, even after losing one too

i have seen so many on the side of the road, anywhere i drive i see them, i cannot forget a single one, we are surrounded by farm land and all its giant maschinery, its still common to poison rodents, why do people value them so little, you wouldnt let your dog just live outside in the woods and streets for half the day or more, you wouldnt just throw your guniea pigs on the road and tell them have fun, you wouldnt just let your bird roam outside, there probably assholes that do that too but you cannot tell me its as common as outside cats

i dont understand it, i dont, i wont, i never will, i will never forgive myself this poor little animal that was my responsibility having to pay the price of my ignorance, or my own weakness letting my family convince me despite the awful way we lost one before, it makes me want to explode it hurts my brain in grief and anger i can barely contain

cats deserve to live a safe and long life, i get only having them inside may feel like you are locking them up, but do you think that not doing so is worth having them die a painful death? being poisonend? on purpose even by disgusting people that hate them? abused and chased by other animals and dogs? hurt and lost? cutting their lifespan in half? if they even make it that far? the amount of wildlife that they kill unnecessarily so when all of that is already in a steep decline everywhere? and if they eat what they hunt get infected with diseases or again, poison? die somewhere in agony? if cared for they dont care about going outside, plenty can be leash trained or given a secure way to roam like those cat proof aviary like things, if you dont want to put effort into caring for a cat DONT GET ONE, ALL pets require adequate care, and if you think cats are the easiest bc you only have to feed them every now and then IF they come home? you suck, you are an asshole, i hate you and you do not care about them, if you just want to occasionalyl feed and pet an animal go to the petting zoo

(this is about pet cats of people who can absolutely afford to keep them healthily inside, i know feral cats and those in poor neighbourhoods are a thing, even if not here where i live, and thats a whole other but still similar problem and not the point of this post)

[alexjcrowley]

I realised my passion for crossover has just created a multiverse of, I don't fucking know, detectives and supernatural stuff (no, it's NOT superwholock)

So we start by assuming, like some already did, that Q from the Daniel Craig's James Bond movies is the fourth Holmes's siblings. So you get four Holmes: Mycroft, Sherlock, Eurus and Q. But then Q in clearly in a romantic relationship with James Bond.

Now it's undeniable that James Bond has a twin brother, Benoit Blanc, who is the world's most famous detective, and he is married to Philip (Hugh Grant). You can clearly notice from Benoit's...everything (passion for mistery and fasion sense most of all) that he is related to Fred Jones from Scooby Doo, he and Philip are in fact Fred's parents.

To conclude this part of multiverse of hyperfixation, James Bond exists in the same world of a bunch of teenagers with 1970's van and a talking dog. I cannot stress how important it is for me that Sherlock Holmes DOES NOT solve the mustery of why Scooby Doo can talk.

But let's now expand in a different direction.

For some of you who might not be acquainted with the medical drama House MD, it's one of the gayest shows ever made on God's green earth. And, as all the fans know, the REAL finale is House and Wilson running away together after all Wilson's problems suddenly disappeared (I am phrasing it like that because I don't want to spoil it). Now, of course they can't live in America because House can't exactly recover from his own Reichenbach falls, so obviously they have go to London. Like, no questions asked.

And as many have already speculated they are probably the married couple Mrs Hudson's friend was renting an apartment to.

Sherlock-Watson and House-Wilson have a complicated dynamic going on, I just know they suspect of eachothers because there's something wrong with the other couple.

London comes, of course, with all it inhabitants, such as Crowley and Aziraphale (whose supernatural presence could explain Scooby Doo being able to talk???? Maybe he is an ex-infernal hound sent to Shaggy??? Was Shaggy another aborted attempt at an Antichrist?????). I really likes to believe they're House-Wilson and Sherlock-Watson neighbours. And every one of these three couples tries to pretend they're a very normal couple, and not, like, non-human or a Government's resource or technically dead.

But also, you must not forget, London comes with Hob Gadling, the immortal lover of Sandman, who might as well exist in this universe, because why the fuck not, he stole the "meet every x years" idea from Crowley, the goddamn poser. Hob Gadling and Crowley clocked eachothers in a minute and now the two couples have dinners together because "they're the only other supernatural couple in the neighbourhood, we should befriend them!" (said Aziraphale and Hob while Crowley and Morpheus sighed).

ALSO to House MD fans I want to remind you that Wilson got arrested in Louisiana when he met House and there's a popular headcanon going on that Benoit Blanc is from Louisiana so do you think??? Benoit Blanc one day happened to interact with the police department of a city in Louisiana and a policeman was like "hey last week you missed a guy from New Jersey who deadass smashed an ancient mirror in a bar because they were playing a song he didn't like on the jukebox". And Benoit was like (I can't write his dialogues I am so sorry) "Mmhh yeah muhst say thur arh sum jingles I simply cannut grow fund of but by Guhd to,,, smash an ancient mirruh that wuld be bee-YOnd mahself"

And these connections are all canonical in my mind. (There are crossover fanfics between Good Omens and Sandman, and between House and BBC Sherlock, and between Sherlock and the James Bond franchise, and between House and Good Omens- there's a fic I really like with these fandoms- and there's a drawing I also reblogged on Tumblr of Fred presenting Benoit Blanc as his dad).

So, basically, in my head, Sherlock is highly pissed off by Benoit Blanc being considered the best detective in the world though he respects him, Q is Fred Jones's uncle and probably added a lot of cool MI6 features to the mystery machine, Gregory House, notorious atheist, lives in the same universe of angels and demons and the Sandman and pisses off Sherlock Holmes costantly just because they don't like eachothers, Hob Gadling amd Crowley looked at eachothers once and they knew neither of them were humans, Aziraphale and Crowley always stumble in every other characters' shenanigans and once in a while throw a miracle their way and Hugh Grant/Philip makes cupcakes for everyone.

And if you really want me to be precise, Dead Poet Society lore counts for Wilson, but Neil didn't, well, if you saw the movie you know.

And I know they are technically not correlated, but I would love to find a way to connect Dirk Gently, Todd Brotzman and The Rowdy Three in all this.

There's a part 2 to this post here

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for letting my german shepherd out in the garden when a neighbour was stealing the eggs of my chickens last night causing my neighbour to get bit?

Okay, so I live basically in walking distance to a large city in western Europe, not saying which one but it's densely populated and chickens aren't super common here. Also, my garden which is not large maybe 7mx4m, is fenced, 2 meter high wooden fence with no holes. There is also a sign warning intruders about the dogs (one is ancient and the other is tiny so honestly only one can do real harm).

Lately eggs from my chicken coop have gone missing, as in I have 4 laying hens and I sometimes get only one egg a week, and my dogs have been alerting me sometimes but whenever I went to check (keeping the dogs inside, sometimes it's a hedgehog and I don't want my dogs to hurt wildlife) I found nothing. (sidenote, there is no lock on the coop besides a slide lock but I will change that in the future)

So I set a trap of sorts, wire with bells. Last night the bells rang and I decided to go out with a butcher knife (was not going to use it but you never know who is on your property, not even sure if I would have been able to use it if push came to shove actually. Was mostly to have something intimidating in my hands I guess) and my shepherd for support. Turns out it was a neighbour of mine and he started yelling and threatening me. Which is when my dog went for his leg. I recalled him and he got back to me but I could see he got him good. I'm of the opinion the man was trespassing and threatening me on my own ground but other people are saying I went to far for taking my guard dog with me knowing a bite might occur and should have called the police instead. I know the neighbour needed stitches but since there have been no charges I think I'm in the clear. I do feel bad about how hard he was bitten though, I've been bitten several times by large dogs and it's very painful.

I would like to know if those people have a point and maybe see another perspective than mine. Or if people agree with me.

Sad things is, if the neighbour would have asked for eggs I would probably have given him a box. I often give some to neighbours.

What are these acronyms?

[patrice-bergerons]

Hello 👋 I am the anon who asked about the barrister au.

I must know more if you're willing! 🤗

What was the night like when Francis asked James for help with Neptune? Was that the night they became "friends" with each other?

Also, in the fic, James got very sick. How long did he remain sick, and did Francis take care of him the whole time? Did he make him soup? That would be so cute!

Would love to hear about the conspiring against the rave neighbor, that sounds great

And lastly for this ask, when do they kiss for the first time ? Fake boyfriends and misunderstandings? Or something more intentional ?

Thanks again for answering!

BOOp 🐾

BOOPS YOU RIGHT BACK 🐾 Anon I'm thrilled by how much you like this au and the way you continue to indulge me 🥰 I just got out of the office (at 11.45pm!) and this ask is like a balm for my tired soul.

I'm hoping to actually right about the great fitzier scheme against rave throwing penthouse neighbour this weekend and I will pull the wait and see card re the first kiss (because I have PLANS) but let me talk about the other two, starting with Neptune:

First off I must say that these two are so stubborn and stupid they won't acknowledge the fact that they are friends until some time after the inadvisable sex.

But the night Neptune gets sick, it's very late, Francis has had too much to drink such that he can't quite plan how to call an uber let alone find where the nearest vet is.

He does not like James (at all, not even a little bit) but his dog is sick and James is the only person he can go to at that hour, so he does. James also has a car (Francis makes fun of him for being the only person who drives in London) which in an emergency is a real plus.

James cannot stand Francis either, BUT for one he still owes Francis from all those years ago, and even if he didn't — and even if he will not admit this to himself — he wouldn't turn down anyone who showed up at his door at that door looking so distraught.

So he finds an emergency vet hospital with good reviews and drives Francis and poor Neptune there. Neptune idk ate some plastic or what not and needs emergency surgery.

Francis is distraught—and drunk. It's truly unbecoming. And yet...for the reasons listed above, James finds himself distracting him, probably by miring him in an argument about case law or a past ruling until he no longer seems to be on the very edge of a panic attack.

And the thing is. Those two can talk for hours. When they sit down and stop hissing and growling at one another — which only happened once before, when James was going thru the horrors in that coffeeshop — conversation flows between them seemingly without bound. They challenge each other and often disagree but it never once gets boring.

Ultimately Neptune makes it and is fine. You would think this experience would bring them closer but James is kind of a dick about it, Francis is too ashamed of himself, and when James sees his chance to instigate that bar fight, he does not even blink. So it leaves them worse off than where they started lol 😆

Re James being sick, one part of me did want him to have to be taken to the A&E but we shall save the hospital h/c for a little later heh. The paracetamol works and he is fine by the morning. He finds Francis asleep on his sofa and has no feelings at all about this.

It's also very important to me in this verse that James is scary good at cooking and baking whereas Francis can barely fry eggs without burning them — so any soup Francis made for him, James would probably consider to be nuclear waste lol 😅 I really want Francis to get a cold at some point though and James to extend his hand dangling a bag with a tupperware of soup inside as far away from his body as possible at the door while holding a handkerchief to his face because he does not want Francis’s germs, thank you very much 😆 (but their walls are too thin and Francis has a sneeze that's loud enough to wake the dead, anyone would take pity!)

[officialpenisenvy]

confession, being an update regarding the guy i'm fucking who told his neighbour that i'm his son, and also some other crises:

first, i did actually end up calling him dad, it was on accident and in a stupid context and now he's mad at me (i was the cunt here). the incident being: we went out then back to his, i was about to blow him, but then he said something which reminded me of other guys who used to tell me that same thing, so i had a minor mental breakdown and called him a pervert and a homo (funny thing to call the guy you were about to fellate) and generally trying to macho my way into coming out of this interaction looking straight and normal (not possible). he tried to get me out of it by slapping me, i got more mad, at this point i'm trying to fight him but not doing a very good job (blind drunk, first attempt missed his face and hit the side of his neck, felt like a massive loser), also i'm calling him dad by then. now he's calling ME a pervert back and like yeah he has a leg to stand on here (i didn't) and then i throw up on his shoes and he kicks me out. texted him an apology a few days ago but it was atrociously bad because of my ego and he hasn't replied yet so unless i accidentally run into him while we're both drunk he should probably start thinking how to tell his nosy neighbours why his son doesn't visit anymore.

second, i am glad to announce i found the old keys to my dad's apartment so i went in while he was at work and took back my records that he stole from me when my parents separated. so i win. sadly i found out i owe him money which i won't pay but i'm mad like, conceptually.

third i'm back with my coach from childhood who in retrospect was highly inappropriate and also excessively violent with me but back then i thought it was normal because of, i mean because of my dad probably right, also the one time i can remember thinking something was off he said it was very normal between two men in sport and i fully 100% believed him for years and later got surprised when my football coach was just a normal man basically. but i quit that sport at 14 because i became attracted to him and thought that was gay of me so i legged it. anyway i'm back because he's the only guy training that style in my city so for a year now i'm grappling him or another trainee but under his watch multiple times a week more or less and wires get very crossed and he's still a pervert which is not good for me... advocating for pederasty to preserve my dignity here.

i feel i always unload a sack of rocks upon your blog but i'm bad at shutting up. in unrelated news - joined a band, doing a show tomorrow and opening with black dog which is fun. singer is in the habit of trying to shriek like robert while being... nearly a baritone, but i think it's beautiful when singers kill their voices while young so i encourage it. i hope the rest of your day is joyful........

mama forget the band i think you need to lock yourself in a cloister........ first of all insane way to break up with your daddy boyfriend and possibly the most heterosexual way it could've gone on account of the fistfighting and name-calling. second of all good for you on getting your records back 🥳 third of all im not going to advocate for it explicitly but let's just say i would welcome another ask from you in a few weeks detailing how you ended up getting your back blown out by mister coach. godspeed to you and your multitude of both sexual and antagonistic father figures 🙏

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Nancy Spudgen

Absolutely love this woman and I’ve just done a podcast on my Spotify and cherry info dump, please feel free to listen about how strong women are often degraded and major feel not good and Nancy features in his episode along with Courtney Love Margot Robbie and many of us, to get it right otherwise it’s not right and I’d put a video recently as well on my TikTok about how much people hated Nancy and describing it and I honestly feel and I’m not just rubbing this in that if people got which is just describe me and many people would hate me also, I have just been by my neighbours selling math which is a drug. We don’t even get over here., I literally leave my house twice a week to go to the pharmacy with my mother and my my mother is the one who helps me. I support dogs also., in fact I told my landlord I was assaulted here at the time I said can I have a new property? Can I go somewhere else? He didn’t help me and maybe, but the other neighbours haven’t been here as long as he’s never had a problem with me at all I’ve never given him anything to be annoyed about. It’s just my paranoid neighbour, hasn’t been here for months and then not my face but I have always had this thing thing where I can tell when people don’t like me and it is quite often which is, and this is how I feel. Nancy must’ve felt a lot of her life maybe Nancy didn’t care but I guess deep down that she probably did I mean she was a deep Pisces a double Pisces at that Pisces rising and Pisces with a Gemini moon, this woman suffered whole life and she only lives till 20 she said she even predicted the fact that she wouldn’t live past the 21st birthday🌑 and her mother even knew that she wasn’t, she was born into this world where the mother couldn’t hold her for days born with the umbilical cord wrapped round her neck and which caused brain damage, and then these men from the UK who are working class have the right to this woman some skank who comes from middle-class Jewish background not that I’m saying classes to do with it but it’s just the irony of it,

Her family in fact especially her mum because I’ve read her book were disgusted by wishes they didn’t think he was talented at all and I tend to agree with him. He is not a very talented musician in fact Courtney Love and being a talented version of silly Nancy Nancy is talented in the way of spotting things and realising things are going to be a success so she would’ve made a good manager and like business woman if she’s gone down a different path or even in the music industry it doesn’t have to be she had it where her mind was behind her body so she got talk guitar and she found it really frustrating because she couldn’t because her mind was behind her body. Her body was growing fast as a child scream murder literally every day and when her youngest sibling came along which was another girl she absolutely hated it and treated the younger sibling really bad! then she had a younger brother so she actually didn’t treat that badly. Maybe it was because he was a boy. I’m not too sure but the household get her away because it was just easier than having to go through her mood swings anyway once she moved to the UK, they barely saw her. They spoke to her on the phone every day and she was very close to her mother.

But from the ages of about 19 she was just gone that was it they did see her back-and-forth and when they said at night she moved to New York Nancy being from Philadelphia they did see them from time to time but said what a bad way they were she said talks about one time how they met met them on the train platform and how everybody was staring at them and they looked really out of place. They both like translucent and really white and they just didn’t look very well and everyone was staring at them and they weren’t even aware of it at the time. She said that Nancy said we’re just like any other couple and that said try to act like her son and called her mother., himself didn’t have a very good mother, his mother was a drug addict and his drug dealer. A lot of the time gets blamed for her addiction but one he’s older and his mother was already an addict so people will get your stress and read. I can’t live like this anymore by Deborah Spudgen

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

I have decided our OC is a girl now in the Feral Neighbours AU. Her name is Haru. And she’s… weird.

-She grew up in a tiny village and like from a young age she was Odd. I mean she’s a reincarnation of an adult from another world who remembers shit.

-her parents died when she was 8 and she ended up fucking off with a Hunter. Hunters being those who roam the lands going after chakra enhanced animals because they’re an invasive species.

-Her teacher was a Uzumaki man who told her about caches containing Uzumaki things after making her promise to pass this info on if she ever meets a Uzumaki while dramatically dying.

-Haru “This is dumb I’m avoiding them all but okay since it’s his dying wish.” Ten years later: “FUCK”

-Haru is just… not normal. It’s partly the reincarnation thing. Partly cause her life has been fucking weird since she was born. She was raised by loving parents, her mother the local coroner and her father the local chemist. Her grandfather was probably a retired missing nin. She doesn’t know. She got raised by these three before getting swept up to roam the world while hunting with a Uzumaki who had no idea how to parent or teach.

-Haru’s dog is named Barkspawn and is the offspring of a summon and a normal dog that got abandoned cause he’s a bit different then normal pups. Haru found him and they’ve been besties ever since. He’s the only one who knows everything. He thinks the whole ‘oh god my neighbour is Kakashi’ thing is funny.

-Haru has no idea how to be civilian. She just doesn’t. She’s a Hunter who went after very dangerous animals (and sometimes minor bandits or mercenaries who needed a quick death) and has been on the move for years. She is a very good buisness woman but being a normal civilian? Ha. She would have always fallen in with Shinobi.

-Haru is 100% bisexual as fuck. She does not hide this. Which the Shinobi folk accept because ‘I might die tomorrow who cares’. The civilians… Konoha is very progressive and not everyone cares to much but there is still: expectations and shit and most assume it’s strictly until she settles down. *deranged laughter*

-Haru and Kakashi only get along cause of their dogs at first. Haru is Busy with her business and Kakashi is like ‘strange person’. It is 100% the food that draws them together. They also bond because both are just… odd. Both had Uzumaki influences and dog in their lives that affected them a lot.

-They have never thought of each other romantically and never will. Kakashi is also bisexual but Haru is just his feral neighbour/best friend.

-Shinobi get it. Civilians don’t. Or well most Shinobi who are at a certain level get it.

-Haru 100% met Kisame at a bar once and decided to hit that. She does not regret it and brags to Kakashi about it. Kakashi is amused.

-Actually I like the idea of Haru just sleeping with like most of the Akatsuki somehow. Not like Sasori or Pein but everyone else? No she doesn’t know how. She finds it funny as fuck.

-Shinobi don’t care whom you sleep with but have expectations to produce. Kakashi point blank asks Haru to have his kids in a ‘not weird way’ when they’re like 25 cause they’ve been friends since 22. Haru is fine with it but ‘let us wait for a few years dude. I am not in the right space’. Kakashi can now go: Haru is my future surrogate and ignore people bugging him.

-Haru is an Akimichi bastard but her stepdad is her dad. That’s what she cares about. She makes it clear to everyone that it’s true and people accept it. But she does learn she’s Chouza’s sister cause I like the idea of her being Chouji’s aunt and like having the future Ino-Shika-Cho running around.

-Haru is a sealing master cause I like the idea and I like the idea of her (after groaning cause fuck why is this happening) sitting down to teach Naruto her Sensei’s seals.

-Haru isn’t a ninja but has a lot of tricks of chakra and the such from being nomadic and her Sensei. He 100% taught her some ninja shit.

-Haru cannot fight. No legit she sucks at fighting unless it’s with her bow. Kakashi once tried to teach her to throw a punch. She broke a chair.

No they do NOT know how.

-Haru has ‘written’ (aka shamelessly stole and plagiarized) multiple books from her old world, edited for Naruto land. She has a photographic memory passed down from her first life…

-… is it to much if it turns out her grandad was a Uchiha who fucked off instead of join Konoha?

@anastasian-dreamer IS IT?!

[albcrts]

(jonathan bailey, 32, he/him, cis man, winslow #3)  I wonder how the season will treat ALBERT WINSLOW. It’s true that HE is QUICK-WITTED, but I’ve also heard that they can be OBSTINATE. Do you think they’ll find their match? I doubt it if what I heard is true. I heard that [REDACTED]. Of course, that’s just speculation. (penny, 25, gmt, she/her, none). 

full name:  albert james winslow. nickname(s): bertie, albie. birthday: april 24th. gender / pronouns:  cis man ,  he / him. orientation:  homosexual / homoromantic. personality: loyal, hedonistic, affable & impulsive. languages spoken: english, passable french. terrible latin. relationship status:  unbetrothed. distinctive features: scar in his left cheek, thin and approx. 3-4 inches, under eye bags. build: athletic, toned.

( tw ; anxiety, anxiety attacks, insomnia. )

the first born winslow child, albert is heir to the estate and fortune but frankly has ( and always had ) little interest in that role and the pressures that come with it. it has been said that he is annoyingly easy going about it all.

dutifully though, he went to eton at his parents' request as a boy, and then even on to cambridge, where he stayed for just over a year before leaving without a degree. education was never his strong suit -- he got by well enough, but was never an enthusiastic student. in modern terms he would undoubtedly have been diagnosed with dyslexia.

a massive sportsman -- the thing he primarily channelled his energy into instead of his formal education. fencing, boxing and all manner of equestrian sports are his favourites, but he also plays cricket regularly. all this means that he is pretty often injured one way or another.

albert is typically easy going, though almost his entire adult life he has struggled terribly with anxiety. perhaps the worst part of it for him is that he perceives no logical root to it -- one day he can tackle something difficult with no issues, the next the most benign task has him spiralling for hours. he has always done his best to hide it from the outside world, and particularly his family, though his struggle with insomnia ( he assumes the two issues are linked ) is slowly becoming more obvious.

the winslows have never been particularly close as a family on the whole and that suits albert just fine -- he loves them dearly of course, and would hope they know that. in fact, it's probably at least partially his fault none of them are massively close with him specifically. he still lives at home, but you wouldn't know it one bit. he barely spends any time there ; tending to leave early in the morning, usually for a ride, and if he returns at all, to return late at night / early hours. the work expected of a first born son still generally gets done, but he's thankful he only really has to help run the estate, not actually run it himself just yet.

albert's basically a staple at the london season at this point, somehow still managing to escape his wedded fate. he kind of loves the season, socialising with all sorts of folks and spending time in the big city. he is also a truly excellent dancer and is perhaps one of few men keen to partake at balls.

has a pet dog, a blue whippet called basil. affectionately known as 'bas.'

pinterest board. wanted connections.

childhood / family friends. cousins. fellow sports enthusiasts. best friend(s). sibling-like friendships. neighbours. acquaintances. partying buddies. exes. ( i don't write smut but yk. drama ) one night stands. flings. flirtationship. i would love to plot literally any / everything w y'all !

[tleeaves]

1, 7, 10, 13, 23

Hi, Stinky <3 assuming these are for the soft asks though I know I posted some others not too long before those ones.

1. What song makes you feel better?

Aside from a few specific movie soundtracks (I am... a massive fucking nerd, I'm so sorry), there's West Coast by Imagine Dragons. Something about it for years has been really comforting to me and it usually lifts my spirits at least a little.

7. Who do you feel most like yourself around?

Tricky because I believe in all sides of myself being as much a reflection of my true self as anything. But I guess in the more comfortable sense, who I feel like I can really be nothing but a husk of masks around with no need to hide any of it? My sister, my best friend E, my neighbour's dog (he's a cutie pie and I would commit crimes to keep that animal safe (I often feel more like my most comfortable self around animals rather than people as silly as it probably sounds)), and @thevagabondexpress who's another bestie of mine.

10. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (Or just felt really good afterwards)

Probably quite recently actually. It's rather common that I cry/tear up a little when I'm genuinely laughing. IDK why it happens, but I can say my sister is absolutely hilarious and we bond over the stupidest shit. She's usually the one making me cry-laugh. I'm happy to say that this happens often enough I can't even pick a single instance out cause it's just regular, which is really nice considering how hard it used to be to make me genuinely laugh.

13. Bath or shower to relax?

Bath 100%. I mean I take showers daily (amazing btw I feel so privileged (grew up on a farm with tank water that we had to ration)) but what really relaxes me is a nice hot bath.

23. Have you ever received flowers?

Hmm... not really? The only instance I can think of is this one time in high school where one of my classmates gave me a flower one morning from her walk from the train station to school (I always waited by the tree on the small hill for her and our other friends in the morning since I got to school early and the trains often ran late). She said she thought I'd like it. And she wasn't wrong, it was a really lovely flower. Also, I had a bit of a crush on her at the time, but wouldn't realise so until AFTER high school because of how far in the closet I was. I'll never know if she meant anything by it, we haven't spoken since graduation. I've been on a few dates and been in several rather casual relationships, but I can't say I've ever received flowers. For anything even beyond that like for work or awards or get-well-soon stuff. I'd love to though.

[kikokeya]

The Neighbour Above

((DAY 5 OF CHRISTMAS))

Harvard Hottie (Hayden) X Reader

Word Count: 1,049

Warnings: Fluff

Summary: It's been a year ago since your dog passed on. Christmas hasn't been the same since but maybe it's time to move on with your neighbour, Hayden, and his adorable little Chiweenie puppy.

A/N: I apologise for technically taking a hiatus but I'm back now that I'm on my week break. I think I'll only be able to post this and another fic but as always, I'm working towards finishing the Christmas Masterlist to then be able to go on and write more fics since I already have an idea for Max Burnett.

You got home from work early today since it's Christmas eve and passed by your neighbour's apartment. He was this guy who went to Harvard a few years back since you'd seen him wearing the shirt once or twice. You turned it into a joke however between you and the nanny who babysits the kids above you. But, he'll only ever be known as Harvard Hottie.

You shrugged off the thought of inviting him over seeing as he wasn't home since his shoes weren't on the shoe rack next to his door. You entered your apartment and removed your heels, placing them by the door as you locked up behind you.

You thought about having a fancy dinner tonight but didn't want to leave the house so you decided that you were gonna cook tonight to forget about the fact that it's your late dog's death anniversary.

People would consider it weird to be hung over about an animal but it's usually those same people who've probably never had a pet before in their life.

You sat on the couch for a while as you rubbed your feet. They have been aching excruciatingly at work while you were typing away on your laptop at your desk. You massaged your feet for a while more and got up to take a bath to relax as you cleaned yourself up before getting dressed in a tank top and sweatpants.

As you came out of the room, you turned the tv on. You browsed through Netflix before deciding to turn on, "Friends". You heard the same intro every day and smiled to yourself - at least that never failed to make you happy.

You decided it was time for you to eat as your appetite was calling you forth to the kitchen. You made some pasta for yourself not really feeling the drive to do anything fancy for Christmas albeit already having the Christmas tree set up a week ago.

As you were plating your food, you heard a scratch on the door followed by more scratches afterwards. You set your plate down on the kitchen counter before making your way to the door. You opened it to see a tiny Chiweenie puppy as you looked down at the floor upon hearing its bark.

You bend down to pick it up, smiling as you checked its collar for a name. 'Oscar... What a beautiful name,' You thought to yourself. You were deep into thought playing with the puppy that you didn't hear the proceeding footsteps getting closer to you.

"Hey, I'm sorry if Oscar disturbed you," You felt a pat on your shoulder bringing you out of thought as you looked up to see, Harvard Hottie.

"Hi," You said while admiring him as your jaw dropped but you soon regained your composure before standing up to give Oscar to him, "Here."

"Thank you," He took his puppy back and held it close to him, "I hope he didn't bother you too much... but um Merry Christmas Eve."

"Y-Yeah... M-Merry Christmas Eve to you too," You said chuckling and smiling at him before going back into your apartment as you held the door open still before thinking if you should invite him in.

"Hey um, d-do you wanna come in? If you don't have any plans that is."

He nodded and came inside before you realised that you haven't yet cleaned your apartment and grimaced at the thought as you closed the door.

As he walked in, he admired the place and sat on the couch chuckling seeing 'Friends' playing on the TV. He had put Oscar down and let him roam about the place as well.

You walked to the kitchen to dish out the pasta before serving it to him.

"Here you go, just something light for you to eat... again, I'm sorry that it's not much."

He takes the food and smiles at you before eating it as you sit beside him watching your TV. You looked over seeing that he enjoyed your food as he looked so relaxed. Of course, he caught you looking and opened his arms to extend an invitation for you guys to cuddle as you moved closer to him.

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you leaned into him and sigh feeling warm and comfortable before closing your eyes as you fell asleep.

It took him a while to register it before he pulled away to put the plate in the sink as he came back to carry you to your bed. He tucked you in under your blanket smiling to himself before sighing as he made his decision to stay the night.

He closed the room door quietly and went to turn off the TV before sleeping on the couch as Oscar slept on the floor beside him.

The following day when you awoke, you wondered how you got on the bed since you remembered that you had been on the couch last night. Your mind then thought about 'Harvard Hottie' as you got out of bed to leave your room before seeing that he was asleep on the couch as you smiled to yourself.

You grabbed a blanket from the dresser before going out to cover him, but to your dismay, he awoke from the slight brushing of the blanket over his skin.

"Hey, how'd you sleep?" He asked you while sitting up and yawning.

"I-I slept like a baby," You chuckled while answering him. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I didn't mean to but I saw that you were sleeping without a blanket and so I just wanted to cover you with it."

"It's okay," He grabbed your hand, encouraging you to sit beside him as he smiled at you, "For starters, why don't you tell me your name and I'll tell you mine as well."

You told him your name before getting a response from him as well, "I'm Hayden... and I would like to take you out on a date if that's okay?"

You nodded and responded, "I would love that very much, Hayden."

Hayden leaned forward and kissed you gently before pulling away and smiling as he leaned his forehead against yours, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too, Hayden," You leaned forward and kissed him again.

[milkovichrules]

its tag game wednesday thursday!! thank you for tagging me lovely people ☺️ @iansw0rld @transmickey 🖤

if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do? im a shortarse so someone big and tall would be fun... maybe a wrestler... probably baron corbin hes hot

what's your most trivial / dumbest hot take? mmm... maybe that every person should watch at least one animated thing (smth not made for kids like where the wind blows or arcane) and one thing from a non-english speaking country/with subtitles

if you had to teach a college course what would it be in? probably makeup artistry? its my one and only practical skill and I would've been a licensed artist if our teacher hadn't quit her job halfway through lmao

season 12 of shameless is suddenly happening and you've been out in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen? its the mickey and debbie show now and there will be various wholesome shenanigans but fr get carl outta the police force, maybe into college and that can be a nice bonding thing for him and liam studying together. oh and they definitely keep the house, maybe lip and deb get on good terms by fixing up the place together. debbie maybe runs into alex again and they give it another go? ian and mickey have wacky comic relief with their neighbours (the possibilities are endless) and probably think more seriously about starting a family and definitely get a cat or dog I just want to bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy

who would be your godly parent (can be any mythology)? I took a percy jackson quiz for this one and got Hephaestus, Greek god of artisans, blacksmiths, carpenters, craftsmen, fire, metallurgy, metalworking, sculpture and volcanoes, which sounds cool as shit (roman equivalent is Vulcan too?? hell yeah)

what's something you love about yourself? my eyes are really cool I think, they're mostly green but also have some blue and brown

describe your day in 5 emojis: 🥱👩‍💻☕️🎧📑

what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight? mmmm either no one or the tiny social worker lady from season 3 lmao

tell us two truths and a lie, we'll try to guess the lie! I'm farsighted, I can speak a bit of norwegian, I love roller coasters

do you have a pet/pets? if so, how did they get their name(s)? I have two cats, artemis and athena, they're sisters from the same litter. my fiancé named them because she loves mythology (I'll put some kitten pics under the cut💕) alternate names were william the bloody and willow (if we got a boy and a girl, from buffy), april and miriam (from coraline), and teacup and lucifer (from the cat lady/downfall)

show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence: middle one is irl only I love to be Perceived Online

what's your typical coffee / tea / beverage order? oat milk latte, iced if it's warm out

use a song to describe the last five years of your life: I really don't associate the stuff I listen to with my own life so these are just things I was really into that year:

2019: butterfly - loona 2020: lady wood - tove lo 2021: too late - the weeknd 2022: stayaway - muna 2023: hard times - ethel cain / death of me - pvris

Tagging: @softmick @golden28s @m4ndysk4nkovich @abetterdaaye @heymrspatel @stocious @callivich @jrooc @sgtmickeyslaughter @gallavichlover19 @depressedstressedlemonzest 🖤

kitten pics as promised (artemis/arti is the black and white one, athena/aggie is the tortie)

[here-have-some-stories]

Silent Laughter Chapter 5

I startled awake to find myself lying on the grass of my backyard, the skies dark. I must have fainted from the sight of my dad and dreamt it all. I stood up slowly, keeping my arms out to keep me steady from the wave of dizziness that washed over me. It took a while for my eyes to adjust, and when they did I saw that my dad’s body was still in the fence, though it did look like that he had slid a little further down the spokes. I looked around me to see if anything was there, if the creature was back to make the nightmare I had just have come true. There was nothing so I relaxed a little bit.

I walked back inside to the house and was glad to see that there was no noose hanging from the ceiling. I quickly walked over to the family computer that was in the corner of the room and turned it on briefly to check the date. It was a new day. Twelve minutes past three in the morning of the new day to be exact. 

I ran to my room and marked off another day with an X on my calendar.

‘Now what?’ I said out loud to myself. There wasn’t really anything to do at three in the morning, and I definitely didn’t want to go to sleep in fear of another nightmare happening and I didn’t want to watch TV in fear of the nightmare from just minutes ago happening to me in real life. So instead, I picked what would probably be the stupidest thing to do. I went on a walk, outside, in the dark, where a strange creature was probably hunting me.

It was strangely calm outside, no noises, no disturbances. I didn’t like it. It was too unnatural. Normally my neighbourhood had dogs barking, babies crying and other disturbances like that. Even at three in the morning. The strange silence made it seem like everyone had disappeared. They probably had. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find peace in the peace.

There were no cars going through the street, so I walked in the middle of the road. Might not have been a good idea. I was in more open space that way, meaning there were more angles for something to sneak up on me from. I folded my arms and kept them clutched close to me as I walked along, my body tense the whole time.

There was no wind blowing past, yet the leaves in the trees still shook and swayed. I wasn’t going to spend any time on how that was possible, there was no point. There was no point to anything anymore. My parents were already gone, everyone else seemed to have disappeared, and I probably didn’t have a lot of time left before the creature came to find me as well. Maybe it would be better if I just ended it all now, got it over with. It would be better to go out on my own terms.

I was shocked at myself. How could I even think of something like that. Suicide? No. Wasn’t an option. I was going to stay in this world, and I was going to get through this. I’d figure out what was happening, I’d put an end to it, and I’d leave it all behind me. I would start a new life. Get good grades in school, make good choices, get a good career, start a family. I realised that while I was having these thoughts I had stopped walking and was just standing there in the middle of the road, staring at the ground. I looked up, half expecting to see something horrifying. But there was nothing.

I kept walking, this time more confidently. I uncrossed my arms from my chest and instead put them in my pockets. There was a new certain swagger to my step if I do say so myself. 

The swagger disappeared almost as soon as it had come. Turns out something horrifying had happened while I was lost in thought. 

In front of each house, there was a tree. That wasn't unusual, they had always been there. They had each been planted there when the houses had been put up. But what was unusual was the freshly placed nooses tied to the branches, with freshly hung bodies swaying back and forth, their eyes missing just like before. The bodies belonged to my neighbours, but the trees they were hanging from weren't the trees in front of their houses, but the trees in front of somebody else's. But the hanging bodies weren’t even the worse part. It was the skin, carelessly draped across the branches. The skin of the children living in the street. The rest of their bodies were nowhere in sight. 

I looked around some more and saw cut up limbs and pieces of pets in the gutters, looking like they had just been thrown in there. It was so far the worst sight I had seen. Just as I thought the horror of the street was over, I heard a bubbling noise coming from behind me. I looked to see one of the drains flooding over with a black, tar-like substance. It was the same black goopy stuff that had been pouring out of my mum and dad’s eyes before. I didn’t wait any longer. I ran back to my house. Everything seemed like a blur as I sprinted past. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the creature standing on the footpath, with that wicked smile on its face. It wasn’t moving, it was standing still, yet it was still always standing in the corner of my eye as I ran, as if it was teleporting or glitching through reality.

It seemed to take forever to get back to my house but I finally did. There was no sign of the creature anywhere. I figured it would be a good idea to start getting some defence ready. I had no idea if whatever I could come up with would hold back the thing, but it would be better than nothing surely. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed all the kitchen knives, bringing them back  to my room. My second trip to the kitchen consisted of me gathering up food and anything else I might need. I dumped them all in the middle of my floor in my room. I then grabbed a bucket of cold water, an empty bucket, some soap and some toilet paper. I would be locking myself in my room after all.

After I had everything I needed I ripped the sheets off of my bed and pulled the mattress, placing it up against my window. I moved my desk in front of the mattress to keep it secure. I quickly ran into my parents and grabbed their mattress as well, planning to keep it secure against my door.

With the mattresses covering up all possible entry ways, I settled myself against the corner of my now uncomfortable bed, back against the wall, holding a long and sharp kitchen knife out in front of me, and stayed alert. 

Next Chapter ->

Please give feedback if you have any, I would love to hear what I did right and what I can improve on. If you have suggestions or requests for any other stories you want me to write I am open to ideas. I hope you liked it.

[eldritchsurveys]

1193.

When was the last time you admired some flowers? What kind/color were they? >> Earlier. There's a bunch of flowers in my yard and neighbours' yards that I think are just local wildflowers, but I don't know what their names are; also there were dandelions and tulips to admire. Spring really comes on rather suddenly when it comes to the growing part (the temperature part is much more fickle...). You wake up one morning and suddenly there are PLANTS

Are you in the process of watching or re-watching a series at the moment? >> I am watching The Wire, Riverdale, Foundation, and Jujutsu Kaisen for the first time, and rewatching Stargate SG-1 (well, it'll be a rewatch until I hit around season 5 or so), Red Dwarf, and Person of Interest. And while the first two seasons of Twin Peaks was a rewatch, I'm in The Return right now which is a first-time watch. I'm also finally finishing Steven Universe, slowly but surely (you'd think I'd have finished a show that has 10-minute episodes a long time ago but!)

If so, how many seasons does it have? And what season are you currently on? The Wire: 5 (3) Riverdale: 7 (2) Foundation: 2 (2) JJK: 1 I think SG-1: 10 (2) Red Dwarf: 12 (7) Person of Interest: 5 (5) Twin Peaks: 3 (3) Steven Universe: 5 (5) Has anyone you know gotten a new pet recently? >> No.

How old were you 10 years ago? Who were your closest friends at that point? >> I was 26 and my closest friends were Vlad, Sigma, and Sparrow.

Do you still speak to any of them? >> Vlad and I had a messy breakup, then Sigma and I had one a couple years later, and I live with Sparrow.

Have you ever kissed someone of another race? >> I've kissed a variety of people, yes. Are there any races you wouldn’t kiss? >> This notion is absurd to me.

What is your favorite thing about your best friend? . What do you mostly have in common with your best friend? . Do you like it when men shave their chests? If you are a guy, do you shave? >> I don't favour shaved bodies.

What is your favourite kind of video game? >> Narrative RPGs with deeply customisable player characters. When you’re visiting a site, do you still type “www.”? >> I haven't done that in a long, long time.

What can you hear right now? >> The sounds that can penetrate my noise-cancelling headphones -- namely, the heater, and the upstairs neighbour that just started clomping around literally right before I got to this question. Do you think it’s okay for kids to have cellphones? >> I don't care, really. Give them one or don't. There's positive and negative consequences with both decisions, pick which ones you can live with. Do you watch anime? If so, what are some of your favourites? >> I do. Kill La Kill, Kiznaiver, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Bungou Stray Dogs, Kimetsu no Yaiba, and I'd probably still like Ouran High School Host Club if I were to watch it again now.

Do you have any siblings? If so which one of them do you get along with the best? .

What’s your favorite TV show? And who’s your favorite character from it? >> I have no idea what my all-time favourite TV show is, I love so many. I'll just pick a favourite from the TV show I last watched: Alice Cooper (Riverdale). Have you violated any of the 10 Commandments? If so, what? >> I have violated like 5 of those Commandments. Which is fine because, as a non-Christian, I'm not beholden to them.

Do people think you look like either of your parents? Does that offend you? . Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? >> Regular.

Do you think it’s weird when people talk to their pets like people? >> It's normal to me because it's also what I do. I find the baby-talk stuff to be weird.

What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? >> Crowne Plaza Hotel in Indianapolis.

What is the furthest you have traveled alone? >> From NYC to Colorado and back (and there and back and there and back--). Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? >> Sure, because when someone I don't otherwise know asks me out, what else do I have to go on to make my decision? (This was back when I did date that way, obviously. Right now, this concept is unfathomable to me.)

Have you ever been drunk? >> Sure.

What was the name of the main character in the last book you read? >> Annie O'Sullivan.

What are three of your favorite toppings for salads? >> For some reason I always blank on this, despite the fact that I love salad and salad toppings. All I can think of is feta. Do you prefer pizza or hot dogs? >> Definitely pizza.

What is your favorite pizza topping? >> Mushrooms.

Is your dad a jerk? .

Is anyone in your family currently in the military? .

What is your favorite dog breed? >> Pibbles.

Have you found any gray hairs on your head? >> I have quite a few grey hairs at this point, yeah. Not quite enough for a salt-and-pepper but definitely well on its way. Do you own a bikini? >> I don't. Never have. I'd like to, though, I think that would be fun. If you were a rockstar, what color guitar would you have? . Would you rather have a personal chef or personal house cleaner? >> I am desperate for a personal housecleaner.

Do you have any zits on your face right now? >> I do not.

What are three of your favorite bakery items? >> Another question I blank on very easily.

What are three creative hobbies you enjoy? .

What are three things you like about church? >> Architecture, basking in the heady vibes of religious fervour, music.

What was the last type of pie you ate? >> Whew, uh.... I have no idea. Maybe sweet potato? Which book did you love when you were younger? >> The Phantom Tollbooth, Many Waters.

Which book series could you read again? >> Well, certainly Madeleine L'Engle's Time Quintet.

Tell me about your first breakup, if you had one. .

Which person would you chose to travel the world with? .

Do you have (a) stuffed animal(s) sitting in your room? Which one(s)? >> I have like 30 stuffed animals in here, I'm not going to list them all.

Have you ever had to do a doubletake on someone ‘cuz they were so pretty? >> Absolutely. Is your last ex currently in a relationship? .

Who was the last female you were introduced to? . Who was the last male you were introduced to? .

Do you use a nightlight? >> I don't.

What’s your opinion on border control? >> Not a fan of borders in general.

What are your favorite things to create? >> Madness and chaos.

What’s something you prefer to keep private? >> My passwords?

Are you good at prioritizing? >> For my purposes and to my whims, certainly.

If you’re not religious, were you ever? What made you lose faith? >> I have always been some flavour of religious, but rarely affiliated with an organised one.

What feeling do you have the most difficulty in expressing? >> I think anger is the only one I have ease in expressing. The rest of them are all a struggle. When was the last time you looked at your significant other/crush’s Facebook profile? .