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bitchfitch · 3 years

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A Nice Chat In The Park

[complete]

Cherry trudged with her hood up and her hands shoved into the pockets of her pants. She felt like a traitor just for considering this, but her options were so limited that she really didn't have a choice.

Haze, the demon that had been terrorizing her city for years now, was sat in his human disguise on a blanket in the local park. Exactly where he was every Wednesday around noon during the off season for the local soccer team. He liked to watch them struggle, and to feel their frustration when he sent them sliding on patches of mud that weren't there a moment before while he waited for his husband's lunch break to roll around.

She sat beside him without saying a word as he snickered after sending two players crashing into each other. Really, now would be a great time to test out the enchanted switch blade he'd given her last Christmas.

"Cherry darling, So nice of you to pay me a visit. Will the rest of The Bed-Fort Club be joining us soon?" he asked with a light voice. Cherry wished she hated Haze as much as the rest of her team, she really should, but he was the only one who called her by the right name. She never even told him it. He just started using it and her knew pronouns the day after she had had her realization without needing to be told them.

No one else knew yet, so she didn't blame them for not using the right name, but something about Haze just going with it without any questions or awful comments made him a bit more ok in her book.

"No," she huffed, "I needed to ask a for a favor,"

"As your nemesis I think I'm obligated to say no, but I'll still hear you out," he adjusted the sunglasses that hid his coal black eyes from the world before continuing in a slightly less cocky tone, "I have something to ask of you too, so maybe we could make a trade?"

"Maybe," she swallowed hard and took a deep breath, "I want you to take me prom dress shopping. I have the money I'm just… I just don't want to go alone,"

"You wouldn't want one of your friends to take you?" he sounded genuine, but Cherry still grit her teeth.

"No, because like, most of my friends are cool, but... remember when you wore that dress to my uncle's party?"

"Yeah? The blue one right? If you want to borrow it you can you know. No deal needed because I can't exactly wear it again after all the fuss Mr.Denver made over it," he rubbed his face, "Did you know that he tried to get Mr. Hopsworth to fire Aleistar over that? Said I was- you know what? I don't actually feel comfortable repeating what he said to a child," he tried to laugh it off but Cherry could see the tinge of hurt in the way the tips of his barely pointed ears drooped.

"Yeah, I don't think I could pull that one off. But, uhm, Uncle Jerry wasn't the only one making comments about the whole man in a dress thing. Most of the- please don't take this out on them we were just being stupid and I'm sorry- but, The Bed-fort Club was being just as awful about it." she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them to try and feel a little more comfortable after that confession.

Haze sighed, "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry that happened. That must have been so rough for you to have to sit through," his voice was soft as he put a hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her. Cherry hated how nice Haze was sometimes. How in these brief little moments he was more friend than enemy even though he stayed the same demon between them.

"You're not mad?" She didn't like how weak her own voice sounded.

"Not at you or your friends. I've gotten used to that sort of... joking," he shrugfed as pulled his hand away from her, "At least you lot weren't saying it to my or Aleistar's faces. I think that was the biggest fight we've had yet, when he got home after that meeting…" Haze trails off, "But that's the past now. I'll take you dress shopping, no problem,"

Cherry felt a pang of guilt that nearly overshadowed her worry. She remembered how mad her uncle had been, and she remembered being the one to suggest he tried talking to Hopsworth about it. Not to get Aleistar fired, but to make him consider that maybe keeping a demon around wasn't great for him. But now hearing that it might have almost actually worked, she felt her gut twist up with regret.

"And what are you going to ask in return?" she tried to swallow down her guilt, he didn't need to know that that had been her fault.

"Would you consider talking to your friends about leaving Aleistar out of this?" He asked frankly "He's getting older, and his heart isn't great anymore. So I don't want you all stressing him out so much,"

"You care about his heart health?" Cherry had to stop herself from snorting, "Isn't him dying sooner better for you because you'd get his soul faster?"

"Fuck you." Haze didn't stop himself from cussing at her, "Seriously, Fuck you. I'm offering to help you get a stupid dress. Ive been nothing but a good nemesis for you. and I've Never hurt you or anyone you love in the entire time you and your lackies have been chasing me down." The sudden 180 snap in his attitude from where they had been a moment before nearly sent Cherry running.

"You're a demon-" she tried to start justifying her words but he steam rolled on.

"Cherry, you dont fucking get it do you?" he was practically snarling as he stood to loom over her, "You think you have always just been one step behind me right? One step too weak to destroy me for good?"

"What are you-"

"You've never come close. Every time you think you have is because I let you. I could level this city in seconds, I could destroy everything you have ever loved with a snap of my fingers. That's my nature you know? To cause mayhem and suffering," he gestured aroumd them, not really paying attention as the grass he stood on began to wilt.

"And thats why we wont Let you-"

"Shut Up. You and The Bed-Fort Club have Never been what's stopping me from doing that. You've been a fun distraction to play with when I'm bored. Can you fucking Guess who I'm actually stopping myself for?"

"Him, because if you didn't he'd banish you and you wouldn't get his soul," she snapped back, "I know how this works,"

"No, you fucking Don't," he wipes at his eyes, and only then did she realize he'd started to cry behind his sunglasses "Your parents, everyone at that stupid company, everyone who sees Aleistar and I out on a date, they think I just want his money. That I'm just a gold digger. And the thing is? I don’t care, because he knows that I don't need his money,

"But every time you or Sammy, or who ever else who's in the know looks at us, they think I just want his soul. And I'm so fucking scared that one of these days he's going to listen to one of you. That he's going to Believe you over me. And that just like that, the happiest thing that has Ever happened to me will just be Poof! Gone! Sayonara happy house husband life, time to back to Actual Hell," he grit his teeth which had turned to fangs at some point during his rant as his skin tinted a bruise purple and his navy hair fluffed up to look more like his namesake. He crossed his arms and hugged himself tightly as he tried to calm down.

"And you know what Cherry? Had it Ever occurred to you that Maybe, just Maybe, I'm with him because I love him? That I ignore my nature because I just want him to be happy?" He never yelled through his entire rant, but the drop in volume, and the change from rage to desperate hurt in his tone was enough to make her wish he had just been yelling.

Cherry looks up at him in shocked silence for a moment. The only other time she'd seen Haze have any sort of out burst like this was when Aleistar was in the hospital last year and he and Sammy had gotten into a huge fight in the waiting room.

"That's the truth?" she asked, not really knowing why but also not really knowing what else to say.

"Yeah, and nothing but the truth," He sighed wiping his hands over his face one last time as he forced his disguise back into order, "I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm sorry. I'll just... I'll still take you dress shopping if you want me to, and I would still like it if you could talk to your crew about leaving Aleistar out of this, but I'd understand if you've changed your mind,"

"No, I uh... I think I'd still like you to take me. And, uhm..." she trailed off for a moment, "I'm sorry too, I guess I just never really thought about you and him actually being a couple,"

"Yeah, you and everyone else," he sighed one last time as he pulled out his phone at typed something before pressing send. A moment later Cherry's phone beeped, "There, you have my number now. I'm... I think I'm going to go interrupt whatever Aleistar is doing. Have a nice day and succumb to the forces of evil or whatever," he walked off without giving her time to reply.

When she checked her messages to set up his contact in her phone she found the one from him,

"Tell Sammy to stop mailing my husband exorcism books, we're running out of both room and oragami ideas for them

-XOXO Uncle Haze."

She groaned a little at his signature.

#just a snippet from later on in the story once the bfc are in high-school #and in case its not obvious #yeah cherry is a trans girl and her pseudo adoptive demon uncle supports her completely

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yoongusworld · 4 years

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min yoongi as a CEO au

[PART 1]

–> reader x yoongi

your better worlds CEO 'min yoongi'

-min suga for a better world

-billboards hot 100 #1 producer x rapper and also the youngest min clans CEO

news : better worlds most sucessful CEO 'min yoongi's' secretary accused for stealing the companies private documents or "forgery" . The CEO gathered all his board members to talk about how they will be more secure inside their company.

news : CEO of the better world companys ex-secratary will be imprisoned for "forgery", the company is now hiring for a new secretary. The CEO is expecting a faithful and trustable secretary to secure the companies future and willing to pay double for the future secretaries loyalty.

watching the news,internet,twitter,instagram and other social media flatforms!! all i can see is this min yoongi guy is he that famous? how come i don't know him a lot like others???

"news are filled with that 'better world' ceo, his company is so big and famous yet i can't feel the better world he's always been saying in tv,magazines and newspapers" i sighed turning the tv off.

"poor you y/n,how about applying for his secretary huh? i think that'll be a good idea instead of complaining about that 'better world' thingy" sasha has a point,being a jobless 26 year old woman is hard. i need to pay for my apartment,food and things for living.

"lol. sasha,his standards wont fit ME" here i am again,shaming myself.

"i know youre dumb sometimes but youre a beutiful and sexy woman with a sexy brain,he might fall inlove with you and then all your financial problems will be cured so i suggest you to try" she laughed

"i think i will try if he proves everyone THE BETTER WORLD" rolling my eyes to her

"lmao. he needs a secretary first.. to help him. sometimes your ego are so high tbh, i will let you borrow money from me for the applications needed and we can both try" again she laughed and winked at me,whats wrong with her???

"We??? you mean the both of us applying??" sasha is such a wonderful woman and i already feel nervous applying with her its not that i am competing with her its just eventhough i told her i dont like that job deep inside i really liked it i mean the salary is so big.

"whats wrong with that? who knows? perhaps i can be the CEOs wife" her loud laugh is filling the small room.

"ok fine lets go there and apply" i really need to be in this job,i need money.

"wait,for real??? ok then lets get it tomorrow?? i cant wait to see the handsome CEO!!!" she shouts like crazy.

i mean he is handsome and still on a young age to be a CEO,who wouldn't go crazy?

i guess tomorrow is gonna be a big challenge.

fighting y/n,you can do this!!

and we're back at editing stuffs!! :>>

#bts #bts suga #bts yoongi #suga icons #yoongi layouts #min yoongi #yoongi wallpaper #bangtan yoongi #yoongi fluff #yoongi x you #yoongi x y/n #yoongi smut

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? No.

Have you ever “dined and dashed”? Absolutely not.

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? No.

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? Nope.

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? No, and I never would.

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? Never been in a serious relationship where I discussed my spending habits, but if I was I wouldn’t feel any reason to lie about what I did with my own money.

Have you ever flirted with a cop to get out of a ticket? Never been in a situation where I got pulled over or issued a ticket for any reason, but I wouldn’t even attempt doing something like that. I’d just take the ticket and either pay it or try to fight it if I felt I wasn’t deserving of it. Not to mention, it wouldn’t work cause I’m an ugly mess and have no flirting skills at all lol. That takes confidence that I don’t have. Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? No.

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? Uh, no. That’s a really shitty thing to do.

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? Wow. I don’t think about the attractiveness of people when befriending someone, that’s not even a thought in my mind. I befriend people based on them as people, on their personality and character. Ya know, the important stuff. I’m also not a narcissistic, vain, arrogant, cocky person who thinks I’m better than other people. Plus, ya’ll know my self-esteem is shit.

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? Never had a job, but if I was that unhappy I think I would just try and find something else if possible and then quit? I wouldn’t want to get fired.

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? No.

Have you ever lied during a job interview? Never had a job interview.

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work?

Have you ever lied under oath in court? Never been in court.

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? No.

Have you ever started a rumor to ruin someones reputation? No.

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? No.

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? Yes. No nudes, but sad attempts at sexy poses haha.

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? I don’t think to a boyfriend specifically, but I’ve said that to people, yes :X I feel bad if someone asks if I like their outfit or hair and I don’t. I’ve been honest as well, in a nice way of course, but I feel bad. I’ve been like, “Maybe not in that color or style” or “try a different pair” or something. But I also like to make known that it’s just my personal opinion, so if they like it and it makes them feel good then go for it cause that’s what matters.

Did you ever get fired and tell someone you were laid off?

Would you turn a family member in if you saw them commit murder? Yikesss.

Have you ever turned in a school paper that someone else wrote for you? I never had anyone else write a paper or do any assignment for me.

Have you ever written a check that you knew was going to bounce? No.

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? I’m single.

If you were an employer, would you hire someone with your exact work ethic? With my work ethic? Uh, no haha. I’m not doing anything productive with my life. I have no energy, no motivation. I would not be useful to anyone.

Do you lie about your age? Nope.

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? I don’t know. :X I feel like that makes me a bad person. That’s not to say I wouldn’t try to help them in some way either by myself or by getting them the necessary help.

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No.

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? Nope. I wouldn’t have had to do that, I could have had a social life when I was a teenager, my parents would have encouraged it. I just... didn’t. I was a total homebody.

Have you ever shoplifted? No.

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? Yes. Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? Nooo. I’ve never been embarrassed by my parents, never would be. I have awesome parents and I love them. My mom and I are especially close, she’s my best friend. And besides, everyone always thought my parents were cool haha.

Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. That’s the proper protocol, right? I’m not gonna be an ass and say nothing.

Have you ever dis-liked some because you thought they look better than you? Wow, no. I got into this already with the friends question. I don’t base how I feel about someone as a person based on how they look. That has nothing to do with who they really are. My brain also just doesn’t work that way, like I don’t see or meet someone and think, “hm they’re really attractive, that could be a threat to me in some way and I don’t like them” or something. Like what??

Have you ever used someones handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? I’m handicapped and have my own parking placard, thanks. Please don’t do that, though.

Hve you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I might have before.

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? If I’ve ever done this, it wasn’t intentionally. <<< Yeah, I don’t pull the disability or health problems card. I’ve done it in a playful way with my family like, “aww I don’t feel good, I bet my favorite food would make me feel better *wink wink*” but that’s it. However, I feel that happens without me doing that if that makes sense. Like, I think people get things for me sometimes because they know I’m going through a hard time and feel bad for me. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? Uh, I highly doubt that. We know how I feel about myself, but others would probably just say I’m average to be nice

For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? High IQ.

Have you ever embarrassed some intentionally in public? Not intentionally, but I’m sure I have.

Have you ever used a false ID? Nope.

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I don’t have a job, soo.

Would you give up your car to save the planet? I don’t even have a car. I’m glad my parents and brother have their own cars, though... I see it as a necessity for us.

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? I don’t decide who to believe based on gender. I hear what they have to say and make my own judgment. Unless they give me a reason to doubt or be skeptical then I’ll likely believe them.

Has your credit card ever been declined? No.

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? Gahhh. I don’t drive, but that’s something that worries me.

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? No.

Would you cover up your boss’s wrong doing for a promotion? Uhh, what kinda shady company am I working for??

Do you avoid conversation with ppl you think are smarter than you? I admit that I feel intimidated and would feel self-conscious about myself. Like if they asked me about something I didn’t know about or was having a conversation I couldn’t contribute to. I’ve been around people who I felt dumb or bad about myself around and as though I was being judged, so I definitely try to avoid that. There’s also been times where it was encouraged to ask questions and the person was inviting and didn’t make me feel inferior in some way.

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? No.

Have you ever dated someone you met through a personal ad? Nope. Also, personal ad sounds so old school lol.

Ever lie about you [or your kids] age to get a discount? May have stretched the kid’s discount a couple years a time or two when I was a kid. :X Like if the cutoff was 11, but I was like 12 or 13. Shhhh.

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? No.

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? No.

Have you ever re-gifted something? >> Of course. No use keeping something I’m not going to use, or that someone else would enjoy more. <<< Same. I don’t really see it as a bad thing. And I’m usually upfront about it anyway like hey I thought maybe you would enjoy this, I don’t personally have any use for it right now or something.

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? I care, but I admit I’m not doing much about it.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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997.

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? >> Yes.

Have you ever “dined and dashed”? >> No.

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? >> No, but I’ve been with someone that was. They responded just the way you’d expect, lmao (spoiler: negatively).

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? >> No.

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? >> No.

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? >> There is literally no reason why I would ever have to lie about money.

Have you ever flirted with a cop to get out of a ticket? >> No.

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? >> No.

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? >> As far as I’m aware, no.

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? >> That’s not something I think about, no.

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? >> No, I just stopped going.

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? >> No.

Have you ever lied during a job interview? >> I’ve never had a job interview.

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? >> No.

Have you ever lied under oath in court? >> No.

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? >> Not to my recollection.

Have you ever started a rumor to ruin someones reputation? >> No.

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? >> No.

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? >> Yeah.

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? >> No.

Did you ever get fired and tell someone you were laid off? >> No.

Would you turn a family member in if you saw them commit murder? >> ---

Have you ever turned in a school paper that someone else wrote for you? >> No.

Have you ever written a check that you knew was going to bounce? >> No.

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? >> Meh. I’m not really interested in being accepted by them, so it doesn’t matter anyway.

If you were an employer, would you hire someone with your exact work ethic? >> ---

Do you lie about your age? >> No.

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? >> I don’t know. It’s difficult to say what I would do in a position I’ve never been in.

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? >> No.

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? >> No.

Have you ever shoplifted? >> Many times.

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? >> No.

Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? >> I’ve never been in this situation to begin wtih.

Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? >> Possibly.

Have you ever dis-liked some because you thought they look better than you? >> No.

Have you ever used someones handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? >> No.

Hve you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? >> Yeah.

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? >> If I’ve ever done this, it wasn’t intentionally.

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? >> I don’t know or care what most people would think about my appearance.

For yourself, would you rather have a perfect body or high IQ? >> Neither of those things interest me very much.

Have you ever embarrassed some intentionally in public? >> I’ve Naruto-run in a store parking lot while with Sparrow. :p

Have you ever used a false ID? >> No.

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? >> I’m not embarrassed to tell people that I don’t work.

Would you give up your car to save the planet? >> I don’t even have a car. I’m definitely not going to try to convince Sparrow to give up her car, considering personal vehicles are the most reliable form of transportation around here. Maybe we can convince some CEOs to give up their high-carbon-footprint corporate practices? Hmm?

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? >> The gender of a person doesn’t play much into whether I believe them about something or not.

Has your credit card ever been declined? >> Sure. I’m poor, lmao.

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? >> I don’t drive but if I did, maybe. Depends on the situation. If I hit an animal on a highway it’d probably be more dangerous for me to try and slow down or stop than it would be for me to just keep going.

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? >> —

Would you cover up your boss’s wrong doing for a promotion? >> —

Do you avoid conversation with ppl you think are smarter than you? >> No, I just talk less and hope they fill in the silence with delicious, delicious information.

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? >> No.

Have you ever dated someone you met through a personal ad? >> Yes.

Ever lie about you [or your kids] age to get a discount? >> No.

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? >> No.

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? >> No. This reminds me of that Shameless arc where Debbie had a whole racket based on this, lol.

Have you ever re-gifted something? >> Of course. No use keeping something I’m not going to use, or that someone else would enjoy more.

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? >> I care about the planet and I care about supporting future generations. That doesn’t mean I know what to do about either one.

#type: random #(but heavy on the ''have you ever''s)#not for reblogging *glare*

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doof-doofblog · 4 years

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"Anyone'd Think You Ain't Pleased To See Me!"

Monday 21st September 2020

Hello again folks! I've decided, seeing as I've had a lot of catching up to do, I'll do last night's episode tonight and tonight's episode tomorrow. That way I should be all updated for Thursday and Friday! The previous episode was such a hard hitting one, very powerful and the performances from all the cast were phenomenal!

Of course, this episode is going to focus on the aftermath of the events of Chantelle's death. I am once again feeling excited yet nervous to see what's in store. So let's get straight to it! The episode opens up with soft music being played, the imagery is all blurry as we can flashing blue lights. As the image becomes clear, the camera approaches the Atkins household which appears to have blue police tape all around it. The camera moves to left as Kheerat exits his house and sees all the commotion on the Square. He clearly has no idea what has happened the night before, as he sees a body bag being wheeled out of the Atkins home, he is clearly shaken and visibly devastated by what he has seen. He knows deep down that is Chantelle's body they're moving from the crime scene.

Meanwhile Gray at the police station, has he been arrested? We can see him changing his clothes as his personal belongings have been bagged by the police. While he's there, his home being photographed, the crime scene is being investigated. The investigators are taking pictures the glass of water on the counter, the dishwasher door, the children's toys (which we know were placed by Gray!) The children are being looked after by Whitney, of course to keep them from seeing the scary police men investigating their home, she has taken them to the cafe! Mia can be seen drawing, Whitney asks what it is, the little girl holds her drawing up "Just Curly Queen!" - are the children aware of what's happened to their Mum? They must be, obviously they wont know the full details, everyone will do everything they can to keep them from finding out that Daddy killed Mummy.

In Ruby's club, Ruby is still having problems with her money. Someone or something is clearly taking money from her account, she insists that it's not her who is doing these big transactions. She's shouting down the phone when Martin enters the room, he asks if there's a problem and if there's anything he can do to help. Ruby once again lies to him, keeping him from the fact that she is slowly going skint! She instead tells him the issue has to do with one of her suppliers. Martin falls for the story, and suggests that he and Ruby take Arthur out for the day. Ruby at first is unsure, of course due to her money worries, but Martin insists that it'll be his treat.

Meanwhile, in the Mitchell house hold, Callum receives a message from his boss, asking whether he had made his mind up about bringing in Phil Mitchell to him or not. Of course, Callum doesn't want to turn his boyfriend's Dad in. Suddenly Phil can be heard entering the house from the back, he and Ritchie enter the kitchen, you can make out that instantly Phil is worried about his boy. He's worried whether he'll be charged for his involvement in the robbery. Ritchie explains that clearly Ben was thinking that it was either Danny Hardcastle or him, Phil is distraught to hear that Ben didn't follow his advice. But the next thing that Ritchie says really does surprise me, "How much do you trust the boyfriend?!" - Instantly I am thinking that that is the most ridiculous statement to make, Callum has said over and over again how much he loves Ben, of course he doesn't want to see his boyfriend banged up. But in all seriousness, has Phil even gotten to know Callum properly? Not really, so of course because Callum has now joined the police, he's going to put two and two together and think it was all a plan, perhaps Callum pretended to love Ben just so he could get him arrested? Us as viewers know of course that that's not the situation at all, but who knows what's going through Phil's mind right now?!

Back at the police station, Gray is being questioned by the police. As far as I can tell he's only told the police that he and his wife have come back from a family holiday in Southend. Suddenly as he's explaining to the police, it dawns on him that none of the Taylor family have been told. The next thing we see is Karen and Mitch arriving back to the Square, Karen exits the car holding a huge big bunny teddy bear. The first thing she claps her eyes on is the police tape round the Atkins house and all the flowers and tributes left for Chantelle outside the house. She knows instantly that something has happened, she drops the teddy and suddenly every noise around her goes all muffled. Gray can be heard giving his events of the night, explaining he went out to get milk for her hot chocolate. While Karen is slowly making her way towards the house, you can see the figure of Billy approaching her in the background, he's clearly calling out to her but she doesn't seem to hear a word he says.

As Karen gets closer and closer to the scene of the crime, her bottom lip begins to quiver, she shakes her head in disbelief as we hear Gray lie to Police and say that when he got back to the house, she was already dead. Karen makes her way under the police tape and notices a drawing of Chantelle from one of her children on the railings, it becomes clear to her what has happened and she whimpers as she slowly sobs. Gray also sobs to the Detective, "My beautiful girl - dead!"

Back at the club, Ruby is joined by Martin, Kat is working away, cleaning in the background. Ruby has been struggling with money the past few weeks and it's only now Martin has clocked on that something isn't right. He asks her straight out whether she is having a problem with money, it's then she comes clean to her boyfriend that someone is stealing her money. Someone somewhere has made an account in Ruby's name and is stealing money from her, and the only way they can steal big amounts of money from her is knowing her personal details. While Ruby is explaining this to Martin, Kat's ears prick up and she listens in to their conversation. Does she know who could potentially be taking Ruby's money? As Martin as hearing the news his girlfriend is revealing to him, he clearly thinks that she is blaming him, she admits that the thought had crossed her mind, leaving Martin hurt.

OH MY GOD!!!!!!! SHE'S BACK!!!!!! The next scene we see Stacey, the Queen herself - she's holding up a piece of jewellery and she claims she thinks ruby's are tacky, but she'll take the necklace anyway, she hands over the card and assistant says "Thank you Miss. Allen!" - It's Stacey who's nicking Ruby's money! First thing I'm wondering is how and why?! Of course they're friends, but clearly news must have gotten back to her that Ruby has moved in on her ex-husband Martin. I am so delighted to see Stacey back, it's been a long time coming!!!

In the cafe, Callum is talking with Jack about Chantelle, he asks how Denise has taken the news. Jack reveals that Denise is in bits, she's devastated for the children also. Callum can't even begin to get his head round it, it looks as if no one can, Jack is visibly devastated as he mentions Denise. Callum asks Jack one of the most important questions next to Jack, "How do cope though, with someone you love that much, just dropping out of your life like that?" - Jack takes a sigh and responds "You learn to live with it!" - as viewers will know, he lost the love of his life, Ronnie, on their wedding day. Ronnie sadly drowned trying to save her sister, Roxy, from drowning in a hotel spa swimming pool. Ronnie jumped in the pool in her wedding dress, but the dress and veil was so big and heavy she got dragged down and drowned along side her sister. As far as I'm aware, Callum never knew Ronnie, so Jack can fully understand how the Taylor's are feeling, perhaps in his mind, Gray also. The conversation then changes to Jack asking whether he had spoken to Ben, Callum reveals he hasn't. Jack then advises him to keep it that way, he explains to him the less that he's involved the better, otherwise it could jeopardize his whole career. Callum tries his best to explain that he can't just turn his back on his boyfriend, Jack seems to come to the conclusion that Callum is free to do whatever he chooses to do, but he does warn him to be prepared.

Oooo a place we've no seen for a while, in the Slater's household Kat is seen on the phone to Stacey. Kat knows it was Stacey who was nicking Ruby's money. She's shouting at her down the phone, trying to persuade her not to carry on, because it looks as if Ruby might get the police involved, but Stacey doesn't care. Stacey hangs up the phone. While Kat and Stacey have been having this conversation, Kush has been overheard some slight bit of information. He asks Kat straight out why Ruby would have the police after Stacey. Kat can no longer hide, she needs to come clean. She reveals to him that Stacey just borrowed a little bit to begin with, but then Kat informed her about Ruby and Martin and suggested she'd take revenge. So Stacey started nicking larger amounts from Ruby's account. While Kat is giving Kush this information, little Arthur can be seen making his way down the stairs, as all little children do, they hear things they shouldn't really hear. Kat also drops the bombshell on Kush that the money used for pay the rent on his stall was also money used from Ruby's account. Kush instantly instructs Kat to phone Stacey back and tell her to come back to Walford, because the situation needs to be resolved now before it gets any worse!

In the Square, Callum finally bumps into Phil. This is the moment I think Callum respects Phil, he explains that Callum should've stopped him from going ahead with his plan, but Callum is ready to defend himself and reveals to Phil that he suggested to Ben he'd speak to him first. I think Phil realises that Callum does have Ben's interests at heart, he's trying to be the decent boyfriend and stand by him. Callum throws the blame on Phil, if Ben hadn't have wanted to prove himself the big man to his Dad then he wouldn't be caught up in all this mess. Phil sighs and admits to Callum that he has made some mistakes with Ben in the past. He explains that Ben was very young the first time he was sent to prison, he feels sad for his son that he might've missed out on some of the best years of his life, but there's nothing he can do that can change the past but all he will do is hope that he doesn't make the same mistakes.

Back at the Taylors, all the family members are absolutely devastated to learn about the passing of Chantelle. Bernie is seeing tearfully cradling the big teddy bear. Karen is on the phone to police wondering why the Police have kept Gray in for questioning, wanting to know whether he's going to be charged. Keegan is in his room down the hall from his Mum, Mitch enters his room to check if he's okay, he explains he's going to go and see Bailey so he can tell her face to face, and then he'll pick up Chantelle's children so they can all be together as they grieve. Keegan's voice breaks as he explains to his Dad that because they all left so quickly, he never got a chance to say goodbye to his sister. That moment, I found really heart-breaking. Chantelle was always caring for her younger brother, looking out for him and making sure he was okay. Keegan would obviously be absolutely broken by the lost of his big sister.

While the Taylors are grieving on one side of the Square, Kheerat is also struck with grief as he repeats the voice message from Chantelle on his phone, over and over again. Suki walks in on him listening to the voice message, she tries her best to console her son, explaining that he needs to stop listening to the message and try and move on. Kheerat knows he can't back away from this, he knows something isn't right - he can tell be the stress in her voice, he knows that Gray made her make that call. Suki is in shock and she seems to realise that her son is suggesting that Gray might've killed her. Kheerat is sobbing as he explains to his Mum that he had fallen in love with Chantelle, that their plan was to run away together. I love how Kheerat is explains it all, he's right - it can't be a coincidence that the night he sneaks into the Atkins house to grab a memory box for her, for then to be sent a voice message from her and then for her to pass away so suddenly, for all those events to have happened in the same night, something just doesn't make sense. I really do hope that Kheerat will be the one to expose Gray, he will find out what's happened and he will do everything in his power to get justice for Chantelle.

Back at the club, Martin is spending some time with little Arthur, Ruby walks in and gives him daggers as she makes her way behind the bar. Martin pretty much demands an apology from Ruby. He explains to her that the only money he gets from her is his wages he'd paid at the end of the month and that's it! But Ruby instantly mentions the day out he has planned, she questions him on how he'll be able to afford it. To prove he's being honest with her, he pulls out a load of vouchers from his back pocket and plonks them on the counter in front of her, she instantly feels guilty for even thinking it could be him. She apologises and Martin explains that if someone was stealing her money she should go straight to the police. It's only then little Arthur speaks and reveals what he has overheard "Mummy does! Mummy stole your money!" ..... Okay, as cute as that was, part of me kind of thinks, a child of Arthur's age, how would he know? If you were in that situation, wouldn't you sit them down quietly and try and get them to explain what they mean? It's a big accusation to make, but of course, Arthur doesn't understand what he's just said, he's just repeating words that he's heard. Martin and Ruby look in shock as they realise there could be some truth in what the little boy is saying.

On the Square, a police car is pulling up with Gray in the backseat. Have the police let him go, for now? Mitch watches from a distance as Gray leaves the car and looks at the scenery around the house. On the other side of the Square, Kheerat turns the corner and watches as Gray turns around and they both stare at each other. Mitch watches on and looks in the direction of where Gray is looking and clocks Kheerat, again both men share a look from across the Square as they watch as Karen falls into Gray's arms and they both sob.

Next, Callum is seen leaving the police station, his boss calls after him as he walks away from the building. At first the conversation focuses on the death of Chantelle, Callum informs the Detective that he didn't know Gray or Chantelle that well but knows that they are both very likeable people. His boss then turns the conversation to his offer. Callum admits to his boss that he can't do what he's asking, it would tear Ben apart if he was to grass his Dad up to the police. His boss then warns Callum, "Have you got any idea what they do to grasses in prison? I'll charge him tomorrow morning, you've got until then!" Callum really doesn't know what to do for the best, part of me hopes he doesn't grass up Phil! It's going to be the worse thing he could do for all involved if he does!

The last scene of the episode, we're back in the middle of the Square, Ruby is making her way through the street as Kat is watching her, Ruby approaches her and Kat mocks that she's not walking up to give her bonus. Ruby then reveals to her that she knows, she knows exactly who's been stealing from her. She wants to know exactly where she is, of course Kat plays dumb and asks "Who?" As this conversation goes on, in the background we see a call pull up, a ladies foot is exposed as someone leaves the car. Ruby is determined to get information out of Kat, suddenly, Stacey makes herself known - walking up to them both like a model on a cat walk! All glammed and looking absolutely fabulous! Ruby watches in shock as her ex-friend makes herself know, Kat watches with the most tiniest little grin on her face. Stacey is back with an almighty bang!!

I'm really excited to see what's going to go down between Ruby and Stacey, they were once the best of friends and now they look like they can't seem the bare the sight of each other. As I've explained, I will follow up tonight's episode tomorrow, and I will do Thursday's episode on Friday as unfortunately, I am back in work. I will do my absolute best and keep up to date for the rest of the week. Enjoy folks and I'll be back very soon! xXx

#eastenders #grayatkins #chantelleatkins #karentaylor #mitchbaker #kheerat panesar #martinfowler #rubyallen #kushkazemi #katslater #staceyslater #suki panesar #callumhighway #philmitchell #benmitchell #ballum #keeganbaker #bernadettetaylor #jackbranning

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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What type of friend are you? funny mom friend so like... dad friend? XD

Have you ever been friends with someone for longer than 7 years? nah

Do you have a family member you hate? could say so

Does your family accept who you are? it’s complicated

Have you ever puked in school or at work? luckily not

Do you hate puking or does it make you feel better? hate

Have you ever coughed up blood? nope

Do you lie to your doctor? sometimes we all have to but nothing important

Have you ever been misdiagnosed? yup

Do you think you have an disorder but havent been properly diagnosed yet? that too

Is self diagnosing good or bad? depends

Do you think sex is overated? it is

Is it important for both genders to understand eachothers bodies? I’m not dating men, I don’t want to have a son and I am not a doctor so I don’t care about male bodies, sorry

If someone was a virgin and was raped, did they lose their virginity? ...

Have you ever dated someone more than twice your age? nooo

Have you ever been cut off by a bartender because you were too drunk? I don’t drink

Have you ever borrowed money from your mom & lied about why you needed it? I don’t think so

Have you ever dated someone just because they had money? no

Have you ever lied to your spouse about the money you spent shopping? it wasn’t a lie but I bend the truth a little

Have you ever gone on a first date with no underwear? I might go without a bra but because I don’t wanna wear it and not because I might have sex

Do you treat attractive people better than others who aren’t as attractive? nope

Are you more comfortable with friends that are less attractive than you? not less but not more as more attractive might make me feel insecure at times

Have you ever hated a job to the point that you tried to get fired? I would if they let me stay in few places but luckily they didn’t care much about me as their worker hahaha

Have you ever lied about your weight on a driver license? there is weight on a driving license? :o

Have you ever lied during a job interview? meh

Have you ever lied to your boss to get out of work? I exaggerated feeling sick once to not get a job in a horrible place if that counts

Have you ever lied under oath in court? I wouldn’t!

Have you ever bought alcohol for someone underage? I said NO

Have you ever switched tags on an item to pay less for it? I only took tag from an identical item, just different color, as someone tore it out before and I really wanted that particular color, so no

Have you taken any pics of yourself that you wont want your parents to see? umm... yeah ^^”

Did you ever tell your BF/GF you like their outfit when you really didn’t? there are different types of like - like as I would want to wear that myself and like as I enjoy it in general but also like it on particular person etc.

Do you feel accepted by your BF/GF ’s family? could be worse lol

Do you lie about your age? what for if everybody think I’m younger anyway

Would you risk your life to save a total stranger? maybe

Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? hell no

Have you ever snuck out of the house to go out with friends? not really

Have you ever shoplifted? no way

Have you ever done something because of peer pressure you are ashamed of? yup Have you ever been embarrassed to introduce your parents to anyone? omg

Have you ever held back a well deserved compliment because you were jealous? I don’t recall

Do you guilt people into giving you what you want? hope not, I try not to, it’s manipulative and I already am seen this way due to my BPD so...

Would most ppl consider you better than average looking? pfft Would you prefer to have hot body or high IQ? good health

Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I’m ashamed to tell them that I don’t have a job

Would you give up your car to save the planet? if I had one...

Are you more likely to believe a man or woman? woman :x

Has your credit card ever been declined? I don’t use a credit card

If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? oh no...

Do you think your parents are too critical of you? my mother is

Ever blame a sibling for something you did wrong? I usually have to take the blame for her instead

Have you ever accepted credit for someone else’s work? just my alters lmfao

Did you ever buy something expensive,wear it once and return it? I didn’t, I have no money to buy and no heart to act like this either

Have you ever re-gifted something? shitload of times

Do you really care about saving the planet for future generations? not for future ppl, just for itself

Do you own anything from IKEA? not furniture

What was the last task that you required the use of scissors for? I just dropped them and let them lay on the floor under the table because I am unable to reach ‘em

Look around the room and name any item that’s grey. stuffed bad from Biedronka that I got on a flea market

Do you know what any of your close friends did yesterday afternoon? me and M. been spending time together while my parents were at home

Can you recall the last time you woke up in a bad mood? Why was that? I always do?...

Who was the last person to send you a message with a heart emoji? my gf obviously

Does your hometown have many good bookshops? none

What would be your typical outfit for a party? I don’t attend parties

If your girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with you tonight, what would you do? oh...

last dream you had: K. 3D printed or smth almost identical album as the ones I had as a baby and her and my current partner gave it to me as a gift :3

do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I aware of that

is your best friend pissing you off at this exact moment? I informed my father that I dropped scissors and now as I picked them up he asked me when and how they ended up there while I told him about it few minutes ago - I was more worried than annoyed tbh

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? she’s taking a nap

Sex ruins relationships, right? it can happen

Last person to stand up for you? hmm...

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I lost count which is weird because I cry in front of my family members only (not even my grandma until I was a baby), I know that sometimes I cry in public but because I don’t give a fuck about strangers as much as I used to, close ones in the other hand... Nat hates the most when someone sees him so vulnerable

Something good going to happen tomorrow? doubt it

The last person you kissed hates you. Why? would have reasons

What do you usually do when the clock turns 11:11? it’s a secret you can unlock in a very high level of our relationship

Do you like your cell phone? it’s ok

So, what if you married the last person you kissed? we’re engaged so that dream ain’t that unreal

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? uh oh

Do you plan on moving out within the next year? I wish

What are you listening to at the moment? mom and dad talking <rolling my eyes>

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? or never

What’s your favorite high school memory? I have a bunch of those

Do you wish you had more money? absolutely

Team Jacob or Team Edward? team hate Twilight

Do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? with bicurious maybe, definitely not gay

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex? I have

Are you a patient person? weirdly unpatient Do you think you are a good person? am not

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? ewww

Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’? there is

How was your week? rollerclaster XD

Does it bother you when an artist remakes a song that one has previously done? usually

When was the last time you cried? recently

What letter is the song you’re listening to under? M if vocalist/band B if title of the song

Would you rather visit the 60s or 70s? 60s I guess

Do your socks say anything on them? I have no socks with anything said on them

Name a TV channel that only has three letters in it. BBC

Gray or Grey? grey

Will you be buying concert tickets any time soon? I won’t

Have you seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower? Did you like it? yasss, it was fine

How many weddings have you been to? less than 5

When you smile, are you confident? I am not

Have you ever not done something because you were afraid of getting in trouble? of course

Was the weather beautiful today? it’s cold

Do you have to have a fan on when you sleep? I don’t own a fan Would you rather have an orange, red or gray bedroom? walls? orange

Would you ever dye part of your hair blue? why not whole

Is Finding Nemo a favorite movie of yours? I dislike it

Does/Did your school have a uniform? middle school only and that was a great idea

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? not gonna

What’s your favorite thing to do? nothing

If your house was haunted, what would you do? depends

What’s worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? slow internet

Are you a fast or slow walker? which alter? :P

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I must buy belt for Nat

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? no comment

What age do you look forward to reaching? I live on borrowed air...

What exercise do you hate the most? awkward ones

Do you know anyone that has a gecko as a pet? no

What color shirt is your mom wearing today? she’s wearing a striped pajama and light blue sweater atm

Does any part of your body hurt right now? mor than one

Do you like Greek Mythology? not a fan

When was the last time you had Pepsi? ages ago

What was the last question you answered, not on surveys? it was more an order than a question coming from my mom

Do you own anything Polo? used to

Do you know anyone with exaggeratedly big muscles? neighbor

What is your favorite endangered animal? are elephants still endangered?

Do you like to dance? kinda, from time to time Who was the last person who screamed your name? mom’s calling me again, grrr...

Which underwater creature do you find the most badass? what do you mean?

How do you usually find out what the weather will be like for the next week? someone tells me, I ignore them, they were wrong all along

Why have/haven’t you joined Twitter? I left as it was boring and irritating Are you good at rhyming? but don’t like to rhyme

When’s the last time you were woken up in an obnoxious way? lately it’s common

Why do you/don’t you enjoy horror movies? they’re disgusting and pointless

Do you have any celebrity’s perfume? I don’t use perfume

How well do you do at Scrabble? in polish or english?

Who is your favorite Scooby-Doo character? Velma I suppose

Have you ever played or been interested in playing World Of Warcraft? been interested, liked the movie

What kind of cake/other dessert treat did you have for your last birthday? nothing?

Who do you think does the best job at cartoon voiceovers? Jarosław Boberek

Does your dad wear a watch all the time? years ago frequently

How much ice cream do you think you’d be able to eat before you got sick? only a bit

Do you know anybody under 40 with grey hair? I have some myself

Do you think you have the potential to be a good stalker? oh well...

Why did you read the last book that you read? I watched film and heard it has a different ending so wanted to check it out

Have you ever cross-dressed? clothes have no gender but I drew mustaches and such

Which sport are you the best at playing? unihokej/floorball or however it’s called

Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? possibly

What would you do if you were in that situation? I’m an asexual and I’m into girls

Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? not possible

Do you prefer on-campus classes or online classes? online

What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? personal

What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? my skin for example (not color)

What gaming consoles do you own? I only play PC and android

Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? been to ER few times

Do you know any lesbian couples? I’m in one ;)

Have you ever lived in an apartment building? just when I was staying with my grandmother

What was the last topic you asked someone for their opinion or advice on? not sure which was last

Is your house visible on Google Street View?- barely

What’s the largest thing you currently have in your refrigerator? *shrug*

Do you know anyone who has never had a pet? I believe

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? no thx

Would you take the 3 minute beatdown to be in a gang? neither Do you check your texts right away when you receive them? not every single time, it’s impossible!

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment? sorta, I think they’re lying/want something or make fun of me (even if just slightly teasing for fun)

When you are home alone at night and hear strange noises, are you afraid someone is going to break in? I’m more “ghost” type of person hahaha

Do you wake up cranky? mhm

What is on your wrists right now? sleeves

Are you a beach, country, or city person? country or small town

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? we are

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? ex - I got a gift and found a shirt for Nat and myself :3

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? -

Are you waiting for something? food

Something you do a lot? suffer

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? it’s not about the amount

What’s a fact about the last person you kissed? she likes hugs

How long have you liked the person you like? it’s a long story

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed? not our last kiss

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I worry

Have you ever given your ALL to someone who walked away?

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? we kissed

Are you one of those people who are always cold? not always but often

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? I still feel like it even tho I don’t, I thrift often but spend little for those trinkets

Did you sing at all today? może coś nuciłam, nie pamiętam, w headspace?

Would you rather be able to control the weather or control traffic? weather

Do you own any articles of clothing with skulls on it? gave it away to John

Are you faster at text messaging or typing on the computer? typing on the computer

In your opinion which is the stronger emotion: love or hate? hate

Tongue piercings - cute or trashy? trashy

When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut? skinny

Would you rather be a star ballerina or a star break dancer? none

They say diamonds are a girls best friend; what do you say? I don’t care for diamonds

Has anybody ever told somebody one of your secrets? plenty of times

Do you get on better with funny or serious people? smth in between

Do you have mood swings around the time of the month? I don’t need period to have mood swings, it’s stereotypical!

Have your friends met the last person you kissed? aha

What if you got stuck in a lift with the last person who Facebook messaged you? we would end up having sex? jk

When/where did your last hug take place? today

Have your parents ever told you about their love lives, and any previous relationships they had before they met? kind of

Do you and your friends have any inside jokes? and with family

When you listen to music, do you ever find that the songs affect your moods and change how you feel? no shit Sherlock!

What’s one thing about today that you didn’t like? don’t wanna talk about all that

Who is the last person that you said i love you to, besides family members? my fiancee

Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships? done

Do you still talk to the first person you kissed? we’re together again

Do you have a picture of you kissing someone? :D

What’s a cuss word you use often? there’s a whole list

Who’s the last guy you texted? dad

Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? this question...

Do you remember the first conversation you had with the person you have feelings for? I remember how we met

Do you believe that people talk about you behind your back? ha!

If you had twins, would you give them rhyming names? yuk

What are you listening to? Tame Impala - Let It Happen

Did you do something mean to someone today? she deserved it!

Is there anyone that you wish was IN your life who used to be? babcia...

Give us a lyric from a song you’re listening to: The truth of it is it doesn’t get better than this

Is your birthday in less than 6 months? whoops

What brings out the worst in you? better not say that out loud

How’re you feeling right now? bad

Are you afraid of the future? very

Do you believe in true love? I’m trying

Do you believe that every one has a soul-mate? not everybody

Was today a good day? should be better

What woke you up this morning? woke up on my own

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them? I don’t

Have you ever played naked twister? wut...

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? not yet and don’t plan to keep it that long

Would you get in trouble if you came home drunk? that would be a shock to my family (and to me)

Do you ever think about things and start to worry? 100% of the time

Are you one to get annoyed easily? that me!

Is the last person you kissed yours? we don’t own ppl...

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? girl

Are you scared of spiders? am not

Do you hate the last boy who talked to you? I love my parent

Do you tend to make things complicated? not on purpose

Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve said “I’m done trying”? gqe1gIQASGCK...

Do you think things will change in the next few months? I’m afraid for worse

Do you like when people play with your hair? it’s strange

What are you wearing right now? bluzę w czarne i białe paski, zieloną bluzkę z długimi rękawami i szare legginsy z niebieskim wzorkiem

Ever feel like you have been replaced? more than once

Would you rather write a paper or give a speech? write

Are you lying to yourself about something? thx a lot for this ask...

Is the person you last texted single? she’s with me

Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? tha hell

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to? just my own apartment

Which do you prefer, relationship or a one-night-stand? relationship

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flxurnati · 4 years

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— && guests may mistake me as ( ana de armas ), but really i am ( fleur de leon + female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 10/29/1995 ). i am a ( waitress at a local dinner ) and would like to stay in suite ( #312 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( + resourceful, captivating, appreciative ), but i can also be ( - restraining, vulnerable, narrowing ) at times. personally, i like to ( write poetry, model, volunteer at animal shelters ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( stuffed jalapenos ) to have in my suite. thank you for checking in! ( duckie, EST, 24 ).

tw: prostitution, drugs, addiction

GENERAL

Name: fleur gabriella de leon Age: 25; oct.29.1995 Place of birth: taos, new mexico Spoken languages: English, spanish Sexual orientation: pansexual Occupation: waitress

APPEARANCE

Eye color: brown Hair color: blonde Height: 5′6′’ Scars: barely there scars from basic accidents

Tattoos: one

FAVOURITE Color: sky blue Entertainment: finding new places to hang out, reading, volunteering Pastime: reading, playing pool, hanging around the hidden gems of the malnati Drink: water, coffee, chocolate milk/hot chocolate

fleur was a downright southern girl. Growing up on a horse farm in the west she didn’t see much excitement in her life, but that never stopped the craving of adventure that coursed through her body. She was always at home, forced to be homeschooled so she could always be around to help with the horses, not that it bothered her much, there was always a certain connection she had with horses that she didn’t share with anyone else.

Even though there wasn’t much to giver her for fun as she grew up she always searched for the opportunity to sneak out, run through the woods and as she got into her teens she even went out into town and tried to make as many friends as she could, wanting to experience the things she should at sixteen years old going to parties and finding out just what a hangover feels like when you have to clean out a horse stall at five o’clock in the morning. Her parents never found out, which she didn’t think they would care much if they did, as long as she did her work they were happy. . Soon those once a week sneakouts turned into nightly events and the perfect horse girl was grabbing the attention of the town boys. They found her pretty and carless enough to take advantage of by giving her too many drinks and taking advantage of how drunk she was, fleur thought it was all for fun and didn’t realize in town she had the reputation that really made her look bad. Through the years the partying continued and the girl even was in a few relationships that never lasted, she was too much of a free spirit and even though people liked to party with her they found her just not the one to fit in.

She was eighteen when she finally graduated, and the second she did she wanted to be as far away from the good ol’ south as she could get. So applying job in chicago was the first thing she did, it hurt her parents to see their girl go but they knew being the farm girl wasn’t her and she needed to branch out.

Though, moving wasn’t as easy as she thought. This was no small town where things were easy, her parents were far away and she was all on her own. And soon enough any job she got just… wasn’t enough. And one night after being kicked out of her third apartment; too prideful to go home the girl was walking down the road when a man in a fancy car pulled up, gave her a price and waited for an answer. Fleur didn’t want to do it but… she was used to this. Back home it was almost the same and this time she would be paid, enough to get her a room for a week. Only this didn’t end on that one night. She slipped back into alcohol and drugs to get through the night and soon she was just being passed back and forth from person to person, trying to make it through the week in a fog. It was bad. Fleur was losing everything she knew but didn’t know how to break out of the chain of addiction until she soon had to be forced into seeking help.

25 and attending AA meetings seemed to help slightly but she still needed a place, a home one of the people running the group saw real progress from the girl and they gave her enough money for a room and to keep her going for a month and she wont have to pay them back if she can keep sober. still, she did also manage to get a job at an alright diner close by to keep things good for herself. she is grateful for this turn in her life... but she struggles a lot not to relapse into her old life of easy money and a cloud to keep her up.

it had been a few months of being sober, and fleur really was doing better, a waitress wasn’t the best job but it had it’s perks; being able to flirt with all the customers.

HEADCANNONS

✘- on the weekends she likes to volunteer at animal shelters. it’s no farm but it reminds her of where she came from.

✘- she leaves notes around for her roommates to find. some are silly little things that motivate them through the day and others are about food they need in the fridge.

✘- because she in in recovery for her drug/alcohol addiction she is trying really hard to stop. some nights are better than others but sometimes she has to fight herself as hard as she can from not calling a dealer

✘-sometimes she is afraid of walking into an old client. the fancier men would treat her to nicer stays at the fancier hotels... and one was usually the malnati for a night. she always loved the cool and clean sheets, showers, and the view that would come with the room and being with a rich man.

AESTHETICS

vhs tapes, rain drops sliding down the window of a parked car, puddles that beg to be splashed in, warm borrowed flannels and soft cotton shirts, long naps in the sun, sticky notes and ink smudged hands, beat up paperback novels that smell like home, baked cookies, popcorn, melodious voices , stories without happy endings , slow music, bare feet in the mornings , naturally rosy lips , loose blouses , sunshine , the rain speaks quietly , blooming gardens , tangled hair ribbons , from the dirt a flower must grow , soft pillows .

CONNECTIONS

/ sisters / skinny love / ex - friend with whom she had a falling out / familial relationships / roommates / bad influence / unlikely friends / old client / aa member who helps her / exes / someone who comes by the hotel restaurant and always requests her

bianca salazer - (ex-best friend): these two were inseparable. parties, alcohol, and drugs were their normal night out and when it came to being their for each other it was night or day for the two. but when fleur caught up in rehab and she felt like she just needed to distance herself from that life. it was hard enough battling herself from relapsing. and it risked the greatest friend she ever had. fleur wants so badly to reconnect but she is afraid of being tempted.

jackson allen - (friend/volunteer buddy): jackson and fleur first met at the dog shelter, he and fluer volunteer there and when they found out they both lived at the malnati she wanted to be closer with him. now she’s just glad she has another friend living so close.

harlow - (fluer’s favorite youtuber): when fleur found out that harlow, her favorite yourtuber and local singer was in the same building as her she definitely fan girled. fleur has been watching harlow forever and now she gets to listen to her in person at the malnati.

#malnatiintro #about

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timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic · 5 years

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*CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT,READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED*

Chapter 9 - I’ve Been Away Too Long

Seattle Washington, July 28 1984

(Chris is 20, Andi is 20)

CHRIS: I was tightening the bolt to one of the symbols on my drum set, that I had situated in the living room of a small 2 and a half bedroom apartment - the half part is the small little den room that I'm taking - that I'm sharing with my new band mates, Hiro Yamamoto and Kim Thayil in the University District of Seattle. I answered an ad in the local Seattle paper 'The Stranger' for a couple of 'dudes' looking for a drummer/singer for a band they were trying to start. I answered the ad and met Hiro first and we hit it off really well I think. I mean he is a little older than me - they both are -but he's into the same kinda stuff that I like to play so... which lead me to meeting Kim just a few days later and we hit it off really well too.

Kim went to school with Hiro so they were already close. After a few band practices with them, Hiro just asked me if I wanted to just move in so we could basically play as much as we could. I was all for it, since I really didn't have a place to stay at all. We've lived together now for a couple of months now and it's actually pretty freaking cool. Since the neighborhood is riddled with college and university kids, we can play until like 3 in the morning and no one even gives a shit how loud we are.

I left home not too long after my 18th birthday and I've been staying with friends, basically couch surfing until my brother Peter found out and said I could stay with him until I found a place on my own. I just couldn't stay in that house with my mom anymore. I'm not going to get into specifics but let's just say that we weren't getting along anymore. Honestly, I don't think we ever got along really well, but I did get along better with her than I ever did with my dad.

The stuff that we are coming up with though, is really fucking cool. the first few times we were jamming together, we wrote like 5 songs in just a couple of days. A lot of it is instrumental though, but there are a couple that we wrote that I have put some lyrics to and I'm going to try them out when Kim gets here. It's my first try at writing something that isn't some sort of sappy poem, and I want to make sure it sounds great. Not to discount the poem that I wrote for Andi when I was 16 or anything, I mean... I didn't want to tell her that's what it was. Fuck, I couldn't even read it to her I was so self conscious about it. This time is different though.

We did try out a couple of guys to sing for our band but it wasn't working out. So right now I'm sort of drumming and singing, kind of like Phil Collins in Genesis - yea I know, but whatever.

I haven't seen Andi in over 2 years. The last time we were together was when I was still living with my mom. We were hanging out as usual in my basement, listening to tunes and talking like we always do. When she started to tell me a little more about how her dad left - though she did add that they are somewhat ok with each other now - and how he pretty much broke her heart, I knew exactly what would cheer her up, other than me be being silly and making her laugh. I surprised her with a guitar I stole - yea, I know but I didn't have a lot of money ok, and that shit's expensive!

I was pretty fucking sneaky about it too. I borrowed a friends guitar case and went into a shop way over on the east side of town. I pretended to apply for a job and handed the store clerk my resume. When he went into the back room, I quickly swiped a guitar from one of the displays and put it in the case. I had no idea which one I grabbed, all I knew was that I had to do it quickly. When the clerk came back out of the room and informed me to fill out an application, my fucking heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to crack and have a heart attack, but the clerk never noticed a thing. I took the application and walked right out of the store and never looked back. I still can't believe I got away with that. I'll never do anything like that again though. I mean I'm no stranger to stealing - though I knew that I shouldn't have - but it was always just small stuff like records from peoples houses, breaking in and fucking shit up.

Anyways, I didn't tell her that I stole it, but I have a feeling she kind of knew, since it was an '81 black Gibson Les Paul Standard which was pretty much 12 hundred bucks that I just walked out of the store with.

She was so cute when she would play it. I didn't have an amp or anything so her playing it 'unplugged' so to speak was funny, especially when she would get so silly with trying to make it loud. I ended up saving up enough money from my job at the Ray's Boathouse diner and bought a little used amp. Listening to her play through that thing was amazing. I never really gravitated towards the guitar since I started out with drums first. I did take piano lessons when I was really little but I just didn't keep up with it. Like I said before though, as soon as my mom got me that drum set, that's where the passion started for me. When Andi left, I started to play around with that guitar, just to get a feel for it and it was actually pretty cool. I mean I'm not as good as she is, but I'm not bad at it either. I waited for her to come back so that I could show her a few things but, she never did.

Weeks and weeks went by and nothing. Then the weeks turned into months and still she never showed up. It pretty much threw me back into the depression I had before she showed up, so I started playing just to get some feelings out and it has helped me with my writing. I know it's not her fault and I know she can't help it but I hate it more than anything, especially since I never got the chance to tell her how I feel. She probably is just doing better now and that's why she hasn't slipped. I just miss her so much. I still haven't told a single soul about her like I promised. It's strange though not telling anyone, almost like is she really real? Or is she just all in my head and I'm crazy? Anyways...

"Hey," Kim says as he walks through the door as I finish setting up my drums.

"Fuck, finally," Hiro says as he rises from the one reading chair we have in the room.

"Well fuck, did you want beer or not?" Kim says sarcastically as he sets the two 12 packs down on the floor.

"Yea, like an hour ago," Hiro says.

"It was busy, there was a fucking line up around the block for some band playing at that pizza place over on Sydney,"

"What band?" I ask.

"I don't know I think it was Skin Yard, or somethin'" Kim says opening up his guitar case and cracking a beer at the same time.

"You wanna go check them out?" I ask.

"I thought we were gonna jam," Kim says taking a sip.

"We can do that when we get back. C'mon lets check' em out... see just why they have a line up around the block," I say flipping my curls out of my face and heading to the door, patting Kim on the shoulder as I walk by. Kim raises his eyebrow at Hiro and he shrugs while I throw on my leather jacket.

"You guys comin' or what?" I ask as I look back at them, turning the apartment door knob, then making my way out into the hallway and down the stairs while Kim and Hiro follow me.

*****

Mourning Star Pizza and Pub, Seattle Washington

It was a short walk to the pizza place that was pretty much just around the corner and you could see the kids lining up to get in. It was pretty much your typical pizza place which was also a bar and night club. I think the owner was just like 'I wanna open an everything kind of bar' and came up with that so he would get business but it seems to be working. Kim was apparently exaggerating a little cause the line wasn't around the block, but it was lined up out the door.

"Dude, it's like 4 bucks to get in, we wont have any money left to drink," Hiro says and reaches into his pocket to scrape together some money.

"We got beer at home, I just wanted to see what the band is like," I say reaching into the pocket of my leather jacket and pulling out a few dollar bills. I turn back to see Kim had a beer still in his hand as we were moving up in the line.

"What? I'm thirsty alright?" Kim chuckles and then downs the last of it, setting the empty bottle down on the curb. I shake my head and chuckle turning back to move up even further in the line, and a few minutes later we were inside.

The band was already playing and you could hear the booming sound of the drums echoing throughout the place. It was a small place so it seemed like there was more people inside than there actually was, but mostly everyone was ordering and eating pizza than paying any attention to the band.

They sounded heavy, like, really heavy almost brooding. Not like the stuff that Kim, Hiro and I were coming up with at all. It was awesome and man, that drummer can fucking play.

"Fuck, I didn't know it was Matt's band what the hell?" Kim says, somehow appearing with a beer for me and Hiro.

"Matt?" I ask, taking the beer from him and taking a sip.

"Yea, he's drumming. Oh wait, yea, you haven't met him yet," Kim says taking a sip of his beer.

"Alright guys, we're just gonna take a short break, have some drinks or whatever..." The lead singer says into the mic and everyone seems to immediately pile off the stage.

"Hey, how are ya? I didn't know you guys were showing up,"

Matt Cameron, a tall, lean long haired blonde, wearing a loose plain black tank and ripped baggy jean shorts walks up to us and shakes Kim's hand.

"I had no idea it was you playing tonight, when did you start playing for Skin Yard?" Kim asks.

"Actually, not that long ago. Their former drummer just like, up and quit on them so I just sort of slid myself in there I guess," He chuckles.

"You're Chris right? I saw you when you were playing with The Shemps, like a couple of years ago now. You fucking blew me away man," Matt says when he sees me and holds out his hand for me to shake.

"Yea? Thanks," I say and shake his hand. Hiro then comes over and joins us as well all start with some small talk and I get to know Matt a little more. After a while, I really needed to use the bathroom so I excuse myself to make my way passed the large crowd of people, towards the back of the bar, down the long hallway. Since the place was so crowded I ended up bumping into a few people while on my way to the washroom which was only slightly annoying.

"Fuck, watch it man," a large guy says to me. I apologize and just as I was turning to go into the washrooms, I bump into a girl who was looking down, fixing her Ramones tank top.

"Shit, I'm sorry - wait, Andi?" I ask when I catch her and she looks up at me with those beautiful brown eyes, her gorgeous dark curls flowing down passed her shoulders and much longer than they were the last time I saw her.

"Holy shit, I - "

"Shhh," She hushes me, placing her forefinger against my lips, taking my hand and leading me passed the bathrooms and out the back entrance to the parking lot.

"Andi?"

"Is it only you here?" She asks as she takes me around to the back side of the building away from everyone.

"No, but wait - when did you come from? I mean well, when did you get here - or -" I start but she hushes me again looking around the corner of the building for a moment, then turns back to face me.

"Sorry I, I just didn't want anyone to see you with me, cause well - you know," She says looking up into my eyes and for a moment we stand there looking at each other and I suddenly pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her, embracing her in a hug. Her small arms reach into my leather jacket and snake around me as she giggles a little with her face practically buried in my shoulder as I hold her to me. The feeling of her in my arms sends my heart soaring.

"My god it's so good to see you," I say as I continue to hold her.

"I guess it's been a while eh?" She says so cutely, turning slightly to look up at me. I nod still holding her to me, closing my eyes and just relishing in the moment with her.

"I uh, slipped into your bathroom but the basement was different. I guess you moved?" She says as I finally let her go from our embrace.

"Yea, I moved out about a year and a half ago now. Wait - did my mom see you?" I ask as I look into those beautiful eyes of hers and brush a curl away from her face.

"No, no one was home, but I found an address that your mom wrote down - 18th and Roosevelt?" She asks.

"Oh yea, that's my new place. I'm uh sharing it with my band mates. Weird how my mom knew though. Peter must have told her," I say glancing down at my feet.

"Weird, why is it weird?" She asks.

"Oh, um, nothing... no reason," I say hoping Andi will just leave it so I don't have to explain. I glance back at her and she gives me a concerned look but doesn't say anything.

"You, um... do you want to come back and see my place?" I ask after a few moments.

"I do... but..." Her eyes light up for a moment but then her expression changes to worry when she realizes that I don't live by myself.

"There's no one home right now, they're all inside the bar... It's ok no one will see you," I re-assure her in my best convincing flirtatious voice. She glances at the back door to the Pub and then around the parking lot, her dark curls gently moving in the cool evening breeze, then looking back up at me.

"Ok," She says and with that, a smile spreading across my lips, I take her hand in mine and lead her down the sidewalk to my apartment.

*****

"So um... you never said when you're from?" I ask as we walk down the side walk, her hand in mine with her fingers laced through.

"Um... 1991. What year is this?" She says quietly looking around for a moment and then glancing up at me.

"'84..." I say as I pat down my chest looking for my cigarettes. I then let go of her hand for a moment to take one out and light it up.

"'84? When was the last time I was here with you?" She asks raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

"It's been a couple of years," I say exhaling a cloud of smoke and we keep walking.

"Is everything ok?" I ask glancing down at her and taking another drag of my cigarette.

"Yea... why?" She says flipping her curls out of her face as the breeze blows through.

"No reason... just you usually slip back in time if you're stressed out or... you know, if your seizures start acting up," I say. She glances ahead and then down at her feet as we keep walking and I feel her squeeze my hand for a moment and I have a feeling that she just doesn't really want to talk about it.

"It's nothing you need to worry about," She says.

In pretty much no time we were back at my apartment. Once we are inside, I show her around a little bit, through there really isn't much to see, it's so small.

"You kept the Gibson?" She says as she walks over to the corner of the living room where I had it set up beside my drum set.

"Well yea," I chuckle as I move over to the door to my bedroom.

"Funny, you still take that on stage and play it, even though..." She says quietly to herself which I almost didn't catch.

"Huh?" I ask, not sure if I heard her right.

On stage? Wait... what?

"Nothing, never mind," She waves it off as she turns back to face me, flipping her curls out of her face. For a moment I was confused but then she walks over to me and I completely forgot about it.

"...and this is my room," I say as I open the door to the den, the door barely opening all the way because of where I had to put my bed. She walks in and looks around for a few moments, then back at me, giving me the sweetest smile she could and then she immediately finds a spot right on my bed, sitting cross legged, patting the space in front of her for me to sit down.

"Let's catch up... tell me everything," She says so cutely as she pushes her curls behind her ear. I give her a coy smile and slide my leather jacket off, setting it down on the bed. I flip my curls out of my eyes and move over to sit across from her much like I did when I was still living at my moms.

"Everything huh? Like what?" I say.

"Like, anything... anything you want to tell me... or not. We can just sit here and hang out or... I don't know..." She trails off and gives me that cute little smile across those perfect lips that I so desperately just want to kiss.

"There really isn't much I could tell you, everything is still the same other than I live here and I have a different band now," I say.

"I just feel bad that I haven't been back in so long," She trails off and looks down at her hands.

"Well you could tell me what's been happening, if we're together at all?" I ask.

"Chris..." She giggles.

"You've never told me if we are or not, You say we meet in 1988 but you never tell me anything beyond that," I say, sounding a little resentful but not meaning to.

"Chris - "

"Andi, I just want to know. I don't want to go through missing you like I have been, when you leave again, because I know you're going to end up leaving again. At least if you just tell me now than it wont hurt so much when you go because I know I will see you again," I say.

"Chris - "

"-Andi,"

"Chris I love you ok? I've been trying to say that but you wont shut the hell up," She giggles as she reaches out for me, cupping my face in her hands and touching her forehead to mine, looking straight into my eyes.

"Really?"

She nods so cutely, biting her bottom lip and without even thinking I press my lips to hers, finally feeling what it's like to kiss those perfect lips of hers that I've so desperately craved since the moment I met her.

I move my hands to pull her into me as she shifts herself to sit in my lap, my tongue swiping across her bottom lip, her fingers lacing through my hair. She feels so amazing, her skin so incredibly soft as I slide my fingers under her shirt and trail them across the small of her back. As my tongue plays with hers, my hands make their way up under her shirt, discovering that she's not wearing a bra at all

Fucking Christ that's hot.

She begins to move her hips ever so slightly against me and I could feel my erection growing taller inside my jeans. She drops her hands from my hair, immediately moving down to the bottom of my white tank top and for a split second she breaks away from my lips to pull it up over my head. She tosses my shirt somewhere in my room and then lifts her own shirt up over her head, tossing it in the same direction, her dark curls falling down around her.

I can't fucking believe how beautiful she is, completely topless in front of me. I mean I know I've somewhat seen her naked before but that was under different circumstances. My eyes flick over her, landing at her gorgeous breasts, full but not too full... you know, just perfect, and I draw her back into my arms, my chest pressing to hers as I brush her curls off her shoulder and place my lips to her neck. She sighs so sweetly as my lips trail down, she arches her back, her hips moving even more so and my erection at this point is practically bursting out of my jeans.

In one movement, I lay her down on my bed, her cute giggles filling the room as I do so. She positions herself underneath me while my lips trail down to her nipple, gently flicking it with my tongue as her fingers lace themselves through my hair, her letting out the most wonderful sighs as I play. All I can fucking think about is how I want to be inside her but I know I should take this slow.

My hands make their way down to the rim of her ripped jeans and I quickly unbutton them and pull down the zipper. I part my lips from her for a moment to swiftly remove her jeans while she helps by kicking them off and I drop them to the floor. Seeing her in her lacy black panties makes me want to rip them off her, cave man style, but instead she takes the hint and slowly but seductively removes them and tosses them on the floor with her jeans.

"Now let me," She says and sits up for a moment, her hand moving to my jeans and quickly unbuttoning them, pulling down the zipper and instantly my cock springs out before her.

Jesus I knew I was hard but this is a whole other level

I give her a coy smile as she looks up at me, and suddenly her lips are full on around the tip. I let out a groan in surprise then close my eyes and relish in the feeling of those perfect lips around my dick.

Fuck this is like nothing I've ever felt before. I mean, well I've had my fair share of being with a few girls but nothing like this at all. She knows exactly what I like just the way I like it. Especially since she is sucking me perfectly, her tongue swirling around and flattening at just the right moment, her hand gripping me and squeezing, moving at just the right speed and I swear to god I'm not going to be able to take it much longer.

"Oh shit... Andi," I exhale and pull myself away from her and she looks up at me worried with slight disappointment.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asks.

"No, no... fuck no, just... if you keep doing that, I'm gonna..." I start to pant and she bites her bottom lip again. She then places a kiss on my abs, right below my belly button and leans herself back on her elbows, wasting no time in opening her legs for me.

"You're gonna what?" She asks innocently, her dark eyes gleaming and I just couldn't help myself. I move my hands to her thighs, trailing my fingers up closer to her center using my fingers to reveal that perfect little pink nub. As soon as I place my lips, gently sucking at first and flicking my tongue, she lets out the most beautiful moan, raising her arms above her head.

"Oh my god, Chris," She exhales as I slip a finger inside her, softly teasing and prodding, feeling her hips respond to my playing. The wetter she becomes, the harder I feel myself grow but I am determined to make her cum first. I want her to. I want to hear her scream my name. I suck her little pink nub just a little harder and flick my tongue, circling around as each moan she lets out fills the room.

"Chris," She whimpers but I don't let up. I continue sucking as I slip another finger in and I feel at any moment she is about to cum. Then just like I wanted, she cries out and I continue to play her through it. After a couple of moments, I lift myself away from her and I look up to see her hands over her eyes, panting as she tries to come down from her high.

"Andi?"

"Yea?" She says in a small voice.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

"Uh huh... just, oh my god," She starts to giggle.

"What?"

"That was fucking amazing," She says and a smile spreads across my face. I glance down and see that I'm still so incredibly hard. Harder than I've ever felt in my life. I swiftly reach over into the drawer of the little side table that was beside my bed and pull out a condom. Just as I was about to open it, Andi reaches up and takes it from me.

"It's ok we don't need it," She says. I raise my eyebrow at her a little confused as she puts it back in the drawer but I'm not going to protest since I fucking hate wearing those things anyways. She leans back and I move myself over top of her, leaning down and pressing my lips to her stomach first and placing soft sweet kisses up to her chest, then to her nipple once more. Her fingers make their way back through my hair as I tease her nipple with my tongue, hearing her sigh against me. She wraps her legs around my hips and I take her in my arms, position myself perfectly, and push myself inside her.

I go slow at first realizing that she is having a little trouble adjusting to my size but as I thrust a few times, relishing in the feeling of her, she responds. Her hips move matching my rhythm as she grips me in the most perfect way. I bury my face in her gorgeous dark hair, feeling her hands move up my back and digging her fingers into my skin.

"Fuck, you feel so fucking good inside me," She moans throwing her head back as I place my lips against her throat. The sound of her words instantly send me over the edge as her hips move with me.

"I'm... I'm gonna cum," I manage to get out wishing it could last longer but knowing I can't hold back anymore.

"Fuck, yes, do it," She pants, and with a few more hard thrusts, I release, crying out as I bury my face in her hair once more. After a few moments of coming down together, I lift my head up from her hair, placing my hands on either side of her face, brushing some of her curls out of her eyes, and looking into those dark eyes of hers.

"So, I take it you love me too?" She says with a coy smile which makes me laugh.

"Oh, Andi... you have no idea," I chuckle and she laughs.

#Time After Time #time travel #soundgarden fanfiction #chris cornell fanfiction #soundgarden #chris cornell #alternate universe #fantasy #my story #also on wattpad #also on ao3

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rmjagonshi · 5 years

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Why I haven’t updated Whole Again Yet

These are ideas that I have been typing up instead of writing like I should. So, At least I should share.

-Stan hits on Ford while he doesn’t know who Ford is-

-Dipper accidentally/awkwardly flirts with Ford, and after a few times, Ford notices and the resulting awkward conversation. Ford telling Dipper that he’s way too old, that he’s an adult, that Dipper is a kid and will live way longer than Ford, that Ford is messed up and not stable, that their family, etc. Similar to Wendy, they part amicably, friendly, and Dipper gets a big hug, they cuddle for a while before he sends Dipper to bed

-Dipper confronts Stan about being with Ford; corrupting him with his gross perverted desires. Dipper thinks he’s manipulating Ford, when it was Ford who wanted Stan, who had to convince Stan to be ok with this. Ford walks in on Dipper confronting Stan and stops the tirade. (After the + ending of Dipper’s confession?) You don’t need to defend my honor, I want this. Stan didn’t force me into anything.-

-Fiddleford gets upset over the portal and leaves. Ford gets desperate and sends Stan a postcard. Stan comes as he’s asked but runs into Fiddleford when asking for directions, since Gopher Road is way outside of town. Fiddleford recognizes Stan (even though Ford never told Fiddleford about Stan) and they got to the house. Fiddleford follows Stan in and they all argue, Fidds and Ford go back and forth and Stan is left to try and piece together what’s going on until they all hear whispering. Ford flips, but when Fidds and Stan ask him what it is, he breaks down and explains. They read his notes on Bill, listen to his stories and Ford tells them about his deal. Ford asks Stan to take his journal and go, but Fidds disagrees. He agrees with Stan to burn it instead. Fidds wants them to burn all the journals and for Ford to publish his less demonic findings. Ford is panicking about losing his research and starts to lose control to Bill. Fidds and Stan talk to Bill, noticing his eye color, and restrain Ford. Bill taunts Stan and Fidds (for different reasons) and Stan gets angry enough to kick Bill out of Ford via Ford’s sensitive body (i.e. tickles or something(Ford pops a boner?)) They get unicorn hair though trickery (Fidds kid) and seal the house. Years later, Fidds is happily married and inventing and Stan and Ford catalog the paranormal in Gravity Falls. Ford the scientist and Stan the museum curator with exhibits and such.

-Dipper and Mabel accidentally break the time tape and end up in “1960-something” Glass Shard Beach and meet up with Stan and Ford. All same age. They have some adventures and try to fix the tape by ‘borrowing’ a screwdriver from Pines Pawns and they get chased by the time police. Ford fixes it and they all get sent back to present day Gravity Falls. The carnival has closed, Soos won Waddles for Mabel since she likes pigs. Stan, Soos and Wendy spend the evening looking for Dipper and Mabel and they find all four kids. Stan recognizes Ford (at first the kids think it’s Filbrick), and doesn’t know what to say or do. Even though they get caught with the tape and it gets confiscated and they have to go back to Glass Shard, Stan takes a moment to tell his past self to leave the Perpetual Motion machine alone. The time people leave and nothing changes. Except Stan remembers how Filbrick kicked him out a month after Ford left for West Coast and Ford chose to study anomalies anyway. Fiddleford was hired on as an assistant, but didn’t lose his mind (just left the project and moved his family to Gravity Falls). Ford is still lost in the multiverse. But now everyone knows that Ford exists and Stan lets everyone see the portal. Dipper shows him the Journal and they speculate that Gideon may have the second. During one of his shows, they use the shrinking light to break in and take it. No one can pin it on them because Stan is actually a really good crook. They all work together to open the portal. They convince Fidds to help, since he’s not living in the dump anymore, and they get Ford back a month and a half early.

-Stan gets kidnapped by the hand witch (molested by hands) and Soos, Dipper, Mabel and Wendy have to rescue him. Hurt comfort/whump with Stan being found by his family like that.

-Bill using Gold Ford as a toy. Rescuing Gold Ford from the fearamid and not being able to change him back without and act of true love (i.e. Stan doing something (platonic this time))

-Couple Stan Bros (WA) falling through to canon before weirdmageddon but after Ford comes back. Both Fords realize the dangers, but WAStan just marches in the shack and grabs a beer. WAFord bitching about dangers and collapse of dimensions and CFord freaking out. WAStan pokes CStan in the cheek and nothing happens. “We’re different people. Don’t know about you two though.” The explain that Stan is Bill. CFord freaks the fuck out and asks why the hell WAFord is ok with that. They admit that they are together. CFord realizes what’s going on and is all like…oh. Dipper and Mabel have lots of questions and they end up sticking around for a few days to figure out how to get home. CStan kisses CFord once to see why. Neither feel anything, disgust or lust, and just kinda shrug. They do end up being more affectionate though.

-Stan gets hit with a very lucid dream on the SOW about Ford. He gets freaked out about it and Ford picks up on it. Ford reminds Stan about their promise to not keep secrets. Stan admits that he is freaked out about a dream but won’t say what the dream was. Ford wont let it go and they argue it keeps escalating and escalating until Ford says something like Stan is willing to throw away everything just for some stupid dream that didn’t even matter. Stan blows up at says that that is the reason he wont say anything, because he doesn’t want to lose Ford. How on Earth would a dream make you lose me? Stan blows up and tells him. Immediately regretting it and trying to run away, except he can’t because the ship is too small. Ford tells him it’s natural. They’ve been alone for almost a year with hardly anyone else. It’s natural to feel drawn to whomever you are closest to. Stan is still not okay with it and keeps his distance, but still has dreams. Ford starts flirting casually, lingering touches and the like and Stan’s dreams get worse. Stan picks up on it and gets angry. They start fighting again and Ford snaps and let’s slip he’s been feeling pent up too. They part without speaking again. Stan approaches Ford later at tells him that he used to be a prostitute. His previous rate was $X but he’s willing to lower the price. Ford stammers, and Stan says he’s willing to give Ford a family discount. They laugh. Some months later, Stan has a jar on the dresser filled to the brim with pennies. Every time Ford comes to him, he pays a penny. As long as money changes hands, it is a service. They can live with that.

-On the SOW, Ford admits he’s never been with anyone. Kiss, sex, nothing. He isn’t sure if he would enjoy it or not, but he’s definitely agitated he hasn’t had the opportunity. They talk awhile and discuss Stan setting him up with someone at Port. It falls apart because Ford can’t get interested, not trust strangers with something so intimate. Stan asks what would help him, and Ford tells him someone he knows/trusts. Fiddleford? No. No one else really, except Stan. Stan offers, embarrassed, and Ford tells him he has to think about it. They come together a few days later and Stan gives it all he’s got. Ford does enjoy himself. Immensely. Stan’s not comfortable with how much he enjoyed it. Ford asks a few days later if the can do it again. Stan asks why, and Ford claims he wants to try something different, he isn’t sure if it’s a continuous thing. They go again, different positions this time, and Ford really enjoys it. Again, Stan isn’t comfortable with how much they both enjoyed it. It becomes a running gag, Ford asks if Stan would like to try something, and Stan agrees, but hints that maybe Ford needs to find someone else he trusts. Ford keeps saying in time. It becomes a regular thing, Ford feeling like he had to come up with new things to try to get Stan interested. Stan tells him, finally, that Ford doesn’t have to keep doing that if he doesn’t want to (bordering on really out there kinks). They go back to regular sex and Ford admits that He doesn’t want to lose Stan, but he’s not sure if he can ever be with anyone else. They agree that at their age, it doesn’t matter what they do, so long as it’s consensual. They proceed to fuck all the time, and if they can’t, they just touch because they can.

-The next summer, the gnomes get desperate for a queen and decide it doesn’t have to be a woman, so they try to kidnap a few people: Dipper, (who has Mabel to help), Soos, to says he has to ask Melody first and his grandma so they give up, they try to steal the goat/waddles, but get attacked by the other. Finally, they decided to drug and kidnap Stan, who let his hair grow out in the past year. Stan wakes up standing at the alter with Jeff. He doesn’t react a t first because WTF is going on? And Ford and co have been looking for him because there was a struggle/mess and evidence he was in the forest. They crash the wedding and Stan doesn’t say anything, doesn’t really do anything etc. As they get ready to leave, Ford ask if Stan is ok, Stan says sure. If they were going to marry him, then they would have to give him an allowance, they can’t expect him to work, he’d still get to visit his kids (Dipper and Mabel), he’d have to be taken out once a week to a fancy restaurant, he’d ask for fancy gifts etc, and just be really high maintenance. Besides, his ex’s were all crazy (i.e. Marylin and Goldie). Dipper and Mabel stay behind and ask Jeff if he’s ok. Jeff says he might have dodged a bullet there. Mabel says that he should just put out an ad for someone. Some girl from town answers the ad and does a much better job of running the forest. Also she refuses to become a gnome because she is big enough to beat-up a fox.

-Soulmate AU with soulmate marks. Stan gets kicked out before his appears (i.e. appears in mid-twenties) and when it does, he cries because it’s a six-fingered hand. But soulmates don’t mean sex although it can. After weirdmageddon/during the clothes swap, Ford sees it and doesn’t know how to take it. Ford’s mark was always the triangle, so he’s not sure how to take it, as soulmates usually have eachother’s marks. Maybe it’s another person? Over the next year, Ford’s mark becomes inverted; instead of a triangle with a hole, it becomes a mouth eating a coin. When he realizes it, they both laugh and cry. They decide that if they want to move it forwards, then they will do so in their own time. Ends without a kiss but with definite affection (waking up in bed together (not sex) and realizing the other is actually there).

-Stan/Reader/Ford because I can’t find one that fits my needs.

Reader had been working for the Mystery Shack for a few years. They used to be a cashier but moved up to bookkeeper when Wendy took the position. Reader had been working with Stan long enough to know about the portal, about Ford, and about the paranormal things in Gravity Falls. They work with Stan on the portal and with the forest creatures. Stan’s deals with gnomes/manitaurs/etc and monthly meetings to hash out treaties and agreements. Stan has lived there long enough and knows enough to be included in the denizens of the forest. Reader has been going alone since the kids arrived for the summer. Reader had lived in the shack since they’ve worked there; just a few months Stan invited to move in because of transportation issues, jokes about how they live there anyway. Reader is arrested when NWHS happens, being held by Blubs and Durland. Stan drives out covertly to get them after the agents leave. They are introduced to Ford later that night when Ford comes up for coffee. “Who’re you?” “I live here. You’re Stanford. Figured you’d be fine from what Stan told me. Sorry I wasn't here when you got here, I was…indisposed in a jail cell.” “What do you mean?” “When they arrested Stan, they arrested me. Worked for him the longest. By the way, you’re filing system is a fucking mess. I organized everything. I’ll pull off the things on my wall later. Some of your stuff’s packed away in my room.” “How much do you know?” “You were out hopping the multiverse for who knows how long. You were doing research on something I’m not even going to begin to pretend I remember. And Stan’s been trying to figure out transuniversal quantum physics and space time distortion with my help for the past four years. I majored in Geology. Not Physics. I don’t understand it any better than he does.” “Apt. Ok, so wat is it you do for Stan?” “I’m the bookkeeper. And I occasionally knock gnomes and hawktopus out of the rafters.” Time and events progress as normal, slight alterations here and there. Ford confronts Reader about their involvement with Stan as Ford has seen Reader flirt openly with Stan. Reader flirts with Ford. Ford doesn’t know what to do about that. Gets flustered. ‘Accidentally’ walks in/spies on Stan and Reader having sex. On Stan’s road trip, Ford corners Reader (reader brings Ford food in the basement) and admits he hasn’t been with a humanoid in almost eight years. Practically begs for sex, and ends up cumming in his pants. Reader is proud they were able to get Ford that excited. “Next time, don’t hang out outside the door.” They leave and next time Stan and Reader have sex, Ford enters the room and locks the door. Stan is a bit surprised, but when Reader walks over to Ford and brings him forwards, Stan plays along. Stan sees Ford is nervous, so he takes Reader’s lead and is slow and gentle. They coax Ford with slow and gentle touches, on arms and lower legs and hands. Both Stan and Reader are naked. “Sixer, it’s okay. However, you want to do this.” Reader leans back and cuddles up to Stan, slow and fluffy touches as they wah Ford at the end of the bed. Ford hesitates, but finally he takes off his sweater, wearing a black tank top underneath. Stan baulks at Ford’s scars, but he just reaches for him instead of talking. Ford is brought down between them, Reader behind, Stan in front. Stan is soft, tracing Ford’s face and hands, while Reader rubs his back and thighs. Ford gets worked up and they help him strip. Stan holds back, assuming Ford is more interested in the Reader, but as they go along, Stan’s instinct is to touch and reassure Ford. Reader gives Ford a bj, and he’s loud. Stan, no other way to keep him quiet, kisses him. “Shhhh, Sixer. Walls aren’t that thick. Sorry. Didn’t mean to..” Ford cuts him off with another kiss. Ford moans, clutching at Stan. Reader comes up, before Ford cums, and asks what they want to do. They arrange themselves where Ford fucks the Reader, Reader lays in Stan’s arms and Ford and Stan kiss while Ford fucks Reader. Stan almost gets off on humping Reader’s ass. When Ford cums (condom and Stan masturbating Reader), Ford shifts, Reader up/over and gives Stan a hj and hickies. Ford is exhausted, and falls asleep between them. Ford sleeps thought he night (mostly) and wakes up sticky. He showers and finds both of them in the kitchen making breakfast. He’s greeted with an affectionate pat and one-armed hug by Reader and slight awkwardness from Stan. After reader/kids leave to do their things, Ford pours himself a coffee and tells Stan they should talk about what happened. “I’ll be downstairs. Whenever you are ready.” Stan goes down and they talk about what happened. How they are brothers and it was wrong, etc. And Stan just says that Ford is welcome anytime he needs. ‘I wont push ya. But it’s clear ya need it. Heck, maybe we do too.” Ford goes to them that night and as long as Reader is involved, it’s not the big I world. Even if all Reader does is watch, then it’s a kink for their lover. Reader rides Ford while Stan holds him. Stan spends the whole-time touching Ford, caressing, kissing, titillating. Ford cums with Stan whispering in his ear. Next time, Stan fucks Reader while Ford sits behind them and helps support them. Ford reaches around and fondles Stan (area not in Reader) while masturbating Reader. Reader notices Ford and Stan have some serious sexual tension and asks them both, separately, if they are comfortable with the Reader watching. They both agree, so long as the other is ok. Stan and Ford get together to discuss what they are comfortable with and it devolves into a handsy makeout in Stan’s office. They end up 69-ing that night after frotting. Ford poking at Stan and getting a strong reaction. Leads to Ford fingering Stan at later date while Stan fucks Reader.

After weirdmageddon, all family sleeps in the living room curled up with blankets and pillows. Ford and Stan sleep with their heads together, with feet apart. _||_ so the kids can cuddle Stan, but Ford can still talk to Stan. Stan hits on Ford (subconscious flirt) while they are trying to get his memory back and acts on impulse and kisses Ford in front of everyone. “I get the feeling we’ve done that before.” Ford says yes, and that there is a lot to explain now because no one else knew. After a week, Stan get’s his memory back, and the night after the kids leave, all three hole up in the basement and Ford had been working on a serum to give them a boost (aphrodisiac) and they go all night.

-Ford and Stan find themselves in the Boiling Isles

#Stancest #Fic idea I will never get around to writing #bad me

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silverandarsenic-hcs · 5 years

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Ghost BC x Murder

im a simple girl. i have mental illness. i fantasize about being brutally murdered. is this problematic? 1000% yes. am i going to get canceled for this? 1000% yes. Have I been posting on borrowed time since that little caesars post? again, 1000% yes. Here’s this anyways.

TW: murder, blood, gore, manipulation (Papa II, Papa III), stalking (copia), domestic abuse (Papa III), substance and drug abuse (Papa II), Suicide (Papa II and Dew), Sex crimes - all consensual (Dew) these are about how they would murder you so im sure you can imagine the types of bad things it will entail.

Papa I: For him, it’s a fit of emotion that drives him to kill. One thing piles on top of the next, frustration turns to anger, anger turns to rage. He doesn’t mean to hurt people, but when he gets so worked up, theres nothing that can stop him. All he can see is red until he’s snapped back into reality and sees the red staining his hands and his favorite robe. With you, all you had to do was walk into his office after a few bads days in a row, more bad news in tow, and that’s all it took. He loses his temper on you before your brain can even register that you should run. Before you can even scream. He’s not particularly a weapon guy, he’s more likely to choke you to death or anything he can do with his hands. If he feels so inclined, he’ll grab the nearest solid object to crush you with. He feels remorse, in the end, but still covers it up and hushes the room when they speak about your disappearance. Decently classic case of homicide - its usually someone you know, crime of passion, unplanned.

Papa II: This one hurt me very deeply to write. His case was classic, when he was a kid. Everyone says that when an adult loses it, you could tell from the time they were a kid that they had cracks - too abnormal, or too perfect. Papa had odd behavior but Nihil never had him tested or even looked at for anything because his ego got in the way, and nothing could possibly be wrong with his son. And nothing was really wrong with him. Something just wasn’t right. He felt things strongly: love, hate, depression, elation, anxieties. Sometimes it was too strong for him to cope. Sometimes he would turn to things that would help him deal with the emotional rollercoaster he couldn’t get off of. Other people just got on with him. He started smoking weed in his twenties. That wasn’t enough. He started drinking heavily at 25. By thirty that wasn’t enough either. Stronger, more potent vices were what he needed. Cocaine. Heroin. Anything to make him feel okay - anything to make him feel. And you, you were the light of his life. The only good thing he’d ever known. You were the only person he had met who could keep up with him, but keep him safe at the same time. But eventually you got swept up in the parties and drugs and drinking too. Lost more control as the months and years passed. And one night he thought you were pussing out. Not being fun. That you were being boring and killing his mood. He pushed you until you did more lines, and kept pushing you and pushing you until your nose began to bleed. But he was so gone he didn’t realize. He pushed you and you accepted it because it was the first time you had ever truly been afraid of him. When you overdosed and died on the couch in the living room of your shared apartment, Papa had already passed out in the bedroom. It was three days before he sobered up enough to wake, and when he found you, he called the police and said there’d been a murder. But he knew what happened. He knew what he did. Cocaine has a funny way of making things stick like that. He hung up the phone, and before the police could arrive, took his own life the same way he took yours.

Papa III: In the beginning, he has a silly little crush. He steals glances your way. He brushes up against you and makes you blush. As you two talk more, he falls deeper. You two become a couple, an item. You tell each other you love them. Years could pass. You move in together. You don’t notice any cracks in him, but he sees them in the relationship. He saw you talking to the new guy at work today. What’s that, you had lunch with him? That’s interesting. He sees the way you look at the barista when he says your name, and hands you your coffee. You say he makes it the best. He sees the way your friends look at him. He goes through your phone once, when you’re sleeping, and doesn’t find anything. he kicks himself for months about invading your privacy and promises himself that he’s going to stop digging. But he can’t tear himself away. When youre in the other room, he’ll go through your purse. The next time he sees you smile at another man in passing, when you get home he confronts you. you say he’s being crazy. he says your crazy for cheating on him. he just loves you. cant you see? he loves you. when he finally chains you to the radiator in the bedroom so you won’t leave him, you’re shocked at how a man you once loved could be this way. When he finally kills you he’s begging you, with his hands around your throat, to understand that he’s not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He's not a bad person. He’s not a bad person.

Cardinal Copia: He stalks, but never gets close. Not like III. He’s aware of the mistakes of his predecessors. He’s smarter than that. More calculating. He would learn you schedule - morning routine, where you work, what you eat, when you get home, night routine, how long you sleep for. When you touch yourself. When you see your friends. At first it was from interest, but he begins to hate you. The way you walk, the way you talk, who you love, who you hate. And he wants you dead for it - but he wont be hasty, no, he’s still smarter than that. he has to remain calm and collected to pull this off. Hate you as much as he wants, he still knows you’re smart. Not as smart as him, but smart. Its thursday night, and you’re home alone getting ready to go out to the new bar in town with your friends. he climbs into the kitchen through a window he knows you leave unlocked for when you yourself forget your keys and need to break in. In the end, he slits your wrists with a knife he pulled from the wooden block on the counter. Good thing he followed you to work and school, he knows your handwriting wonderfully. He watches you bleed out on the floor while he writes your suicide note. You have never met him in your life. Good thing he always wears those gloves to keep everything clean of fingerprints, because the cops never suspect any foul play, and no one has a clue.

Swiss: He doesnt get close to his victims - he doesn’t have time. When you’ve gone through this many people, you start to forget their names, if you even knew them from the start. He takes jobs as an assassin when he needs the money - and it does pay well - but whenever he needs to blow off steam he’ll really go at it. Get creative. He’s a weapons guy, gun by choice but he’ll really use anything, and he knows each in his collection very very well. But in his eyes he isn’t doing anything wrong, he’s killing people that deserve to die, for good reasons (Edward Cullen who??). Racists, fascist, misogynists, homophobes. He was on the news once for throwing a brick at a nazi. You’re the anomaly on his list of victims though. You were an accident of sorts. He got sloppy with one of his jobs, got noticed, and the vic took a hostage - cue you walking into the back room at work at the wrong time - the only way he can get his shot in without risking his own life or alerting others is to shoot right through you. And now that he’s been noticed, he can’t give up the job and run. He memorizes the details of your face before he pulls the trigger, and kills you and the man with his arms around your torso in one shot. He feels the worst out of everyone. Attends your funeral, but stands very far back. Something about your face, the look in your eyes when you died. He thinks about you often, for a long time. When the exact dip of your nose and contours of your cheekbone begin to fade, he pulls a picture of you he cut from the newspaper from a shoebox under his bed. If he regrets any of the bad things he’s done in his life, it was hurting you.

Aether: He’s the one you don’t expect and he knows it. He’s the cult leader of the group - but that doesn’t make sense. He’s not even a leader in any capacity. He’s no Papa, not even a Cardinal. He doesn’t even lead the ghouls, really. But people trust him, and respect him, and that’s enough. The most pull he has in the church is being what you would compare to an advisor for the cardinal. helps him make decisions here and there. They get more drastic as things go on, and the church slowly burns itself down, but Copia is the only one people blame, including Copia, because Aether makes him believe every choice he made was his own idea. Eventually, when the cardinal has become useless, Aether will have him removed. By whatever means he has to take, but ideally not murder, it’s too early to have blood on anyone else's hands in his name, and far too early to have blood on his own hands. Aether promises to rebuild the name of the church, and fix everything the cardinal destroyed, and make things better.. Make people happy, and health again. And every single person drinks the kool-aid. Soon, rather than worshipping any Dark Lord or Old God, people are worshipping Aether. People believe in him with their hearts and souls. People believe he’s the savior. You are the anomaly. You were close with Aether before all of this started, before he was even the cardinal’s advisory. You just think the power has gone to his head, and blame the cardinal with the rest of him. But when you start digging, you realize it’s been his plan all along to have complete and total power To start his own cult. To be worshipped like a god in a place that was built for it. Your death is a stepping stone on the path for Aether to achieve ultimate power, but of all the stones cast, yours was the only one that meant anything. He didn't want to have to kill you. He didn't want you to defect, and put everything he'd worked so hard for at risk. He couldn’t have that. But the road to his ultimate power ends with his own death too - you can’t really be appreciated for everything good you've done for the world until you die, and he knows that. But until then, he will think of you often.

Dewdrop: Kills you for sexy reasons. Not because you wont sleep with him, or he wants to actually hurt you, but because you both got too swept up in the moment. There’s a movie called Sexual Predator and he’s pretty much the guy in that. One minute he’s got his belt wrapped around your throat, tugging on it hard while he’s hitting it from behind. He’s too caught up in the moment to realize you’ve gone limp on the bed. He doesn’t realize anything is wrong until he finishes. And it’s bad. Oh it’s bad. Unlike every other crime he’s committed, he calls the police, and he’s honest about what happened. He’s disgusted with himself. He’ll never have sex again. He’ll never wear a belt again. He’ll never touch another person’s throat again. He’s sentenced twelve months incarcerated along with probation and some hefty fines. Everyone knows what he did, how he did it. You were friends with all his friends - You weren’t together, but you were friends. And they all know he killed you. If any of the above are likely to have their own suicidal thoughts after the murder, Dew is the most likely to do it. He can’t stand the way everyone treats him after he did it. He can't stand living knowing what he did to you and what hes capable of. He can’t go on like this.

Cirrus & Cumulus: When they kill it’s for each other. In a LOT of other HCs i mention that II’s solution to things is to simply “kill them” if they’re bothering you, but the girls actually just do it. If someone touches Cirrus in a club, Cumulus will absolutely pull a gun out of her back pocket and blow their brains out right there. Good thing for the masks. They’ll spend the next few months or years on the road, saying under the radar until it’s safe to go home again. The ghoulettes have a lot in common with Swiss - they kill for what they believe to be a good reason. The difference is that Cirrus and Cumulus aren’t opposed to the more gorey ways of doing it. Torture, manipulation, blackmail, you name it they’ve probably done it. They know a lot of dirty things about a lot of big people, and at their whim they could have all their hearts desire. Trouble is, knowing everyone’s secrets is just a little bit more fun than that. They’ll kill to protect their friends and family, anyone who has ever unintentionally hurt an animal, and anyone that’s standing in their way. They’ll even collaborate with Swiss on a job if it’s gonna take some more elbow grease, and he needs people he can trust to get the job done without leaving behind a crumb trail of evidence.

- Kat

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rivet-ing-titanic · 4 years

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May 25th, 1912 - American Inquiry Day 18

Day 18: The last day. You would think that it being the last day and being off of work, I could get this one done on time. But life gets in the way. SO, here we are, to cover the final day of witness testimony, submitted affidavits, letters and “process-verbal” entered into record. Are you tired of these posts? Did you read or like them or find them interesting? Well if you are tired of them, it is just this and a Final Report summary post left to go. Jury is out on whether I will be back next year to do the British inquiry, day by day. (Maybe I should just do it now so each day will be on the correct day, protect me from my own laziness, personal issues and procrastination.) Enough about me, let’s dive in.

Today, testimony was taken on board the RMS Olympic, in the New York Harbor.

Witnesses:

Herbert James Haddock, Captain, RMS Olympic;

E.J. Moore, Wireless Operator, RMS Olympic;

Frederick Barrett, Leading Fireman, RMS Titanic;

Submitted: (All submissions are linked)

Proces-Verbal – E.J. Moore, Wireless Operator, RMS Olympic;

Affidavit – James McGough, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

Affidavit – Catherine Crosby, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

Affidavit – Imanita Shelley, Second Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

Affidavit – Eleanor Widener, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

Correspondence – Letter from Stanley Lord, Captain, SS Californian;

Correspondence – C.C. Adams, Vice President, Postal Telegraph-Cable Company;

Correspondence – H.C. Wolfe, New York World;

Correspondence – P.A.S. Franklin, Vice President, IMM;

Correspondence – B. Brooks, GM, Western Union Telegraph Co.;

Statement – Mrs. Lucian P. Smith, First Class Passenger, RMS Titanic;

Notable Quotes/Lines of Questioning or Summarized Testimony:

Smith starts by questioning Captain Haddock, about where they were, when and how he heard of the Titanic situation, and what his actions were. He is also questioned about any notifications of ice sightings they received, of which the first they heard was from the Asian on Saturday morning.

“Fear absolutely no hope searching Titanic's position. Left Leyland S. S. Californian searching around. All boats accounted for. About 675 souls saved, crew and passengers, latter nearly all women and children. Titanic foundered about 2.20 a. m., 5.47. GMT in 41.16 north. 50.14 west; not certain of having got through. Please forward to White Star - also to Cunard. Liverpool and New York - that I am returning to New York. Consider this most advisable for many considerations.” – Rostron (read from the record by Haddock)

Haddock then reads for the record, the exchange of messages between himself and Captain Rostron of Carpathia. They discuss location, ice, particulars of letting the appropriate channels know what has happened, Ismay and that they believe it best that survivors do not see Olympic, that no transfer take place.

Haddock continues to read from Moore’s report, detailing how the names of passengers were passed on by a “half-asleep” Cottam, who asked to be excused for his sending. Moore wrote in his report, “during the transmission of names it was evident the operator on Carpathia was tired out”. Cottam had testified earlier in the inquiry that once he heard Titanic’s distress call on the night of the 14th, he got about a handful hours of sleep over the next few days until they reached New York. He was working the wireless non-stop, with and without assistance from an immobile, frost bitten Bride.

Moore relates to Smith that he received seven or eight messages to the effect of a request for compensation for the story of Titanic. Moore makes note of these in his report, however did not reply to any requests from papers such as the New York Herald, the Sun and the World. He also indicates that he was never told not to give out any information, however he and the captain held information back in a desire that it be more accurate.

In addition to answering Smith’s questions, Moore submitted his wireless report (listed above as process-verbal) that both he and Haddock referred to during their testimony.

The correspondence from Stanley Lord that was submitted into record is a letter to Smith in which Captain Lord corrected a statement he made while testifying, which ultimately is inconsequential in my opinion, and probably more of a formality correction than anything.

As you all know, I love a passenger story or affidavit. So instead of pulling a whole bunch of quotes, as I am so wont to do, I now have just linked all submissions above, for you to peruse at your leisure. Is it being lazy? Maybe a bit, but I wanted to end this day, with a sprinkling of quotes, (of which I hope to have not included any similar before) a few thoughts in regards to any submissions or quotes, and my conclusions prior to the final report.

McGough asked a dining-room steward whether there was any danger, shortly after he left his stateroom. At that time the steward told him “not in the least” and suggested he return to bed. Fortunately for McGough, he did not. This seems a theme throughout this inquiry, where immediately after or even some time after, Titanic crew members, such as stewards, were not totally sure of what was going on or, if they were aware, the severity of it. Personally, I believe part of this to be due to the inability to inform due to technology limitations of the time, solved by walkie-talkies and earpieces today. Additionally, if a steward were on watch, and had not heard anything yet, he or she would have no reason to say anything other than everything is fine. I would also consider the desire to not cause panic had some impact as well. Clearly, it would have been helpful if some sort of light or alarm or notification had been in place, for passengers and crew alike, but word of mouth, on an incredibly large ship, with over 900 crew members, some of whom are sleeping, would be time consuming. Time, unfortunately the Titanic and the souls on board did not have. This does not even take into account the time that would have been necessary to figure out the extent of the damage. So while I personally feel, there should have been some better systems in place, criticism of stewards who only passed on what they knew at the time, or what a higher up told them, should be discouraged. (As you might know, I am currently learning more about crew hierarchy and things of this nature in my new book)

“It was reported on the Carpathia by passengers, whose names I do not recollect, that the lookout who was on duty at the time the Titanic struck the iceberg had said: ‘I know they will blame me for it, because I was on duty, but it was not my fault; I had warned the officers three or four times before striking the iceberg that we were in the vicinity of icebergs, but the officer on the bridge paid no attention to my signals.’ I can not give the name of any passenger who made that statement, but it was common talk on the Carpathia that that is what the lookout said.” – Crosby (hearsay)

Imanita Shelley has an interesting story about her accommodations and slight mishap of rooms that happened upon the start of her journey. See above for a link to her affidavit. I would be interested to see the rooms which were referred to. It does not seem in her affidavit that she makes any mention of actual room numbers. This is also the first, I have read, mention of issues with the heat onboard Titanic.

“Afterwards, on board the Carpathia, a first-cabin passenger a Mme. Baxter, of Montreal, Canada, told Mrs. Shelley that she had sent her son to the captain at the time of the collision to find out what to do. That her son had found the captain in a card game, and he had laughingly assured him that there was no danger and to advise his mother to go back to bed.”- Shelley (a very strong accusation that if true is concerning, however others have testified that this was not the case)

“I borrowed money from a gentleman and took this Marconigram myself and asked the operator to send it for me… it was not received… This is the only complaint I have to make against the Carpathia… He also said it was not necessary to pay him, because the White Star Line was responsible. I insisted, however, because I thought that probably the money might have some weight with them, as the whole thing seemed to have been a monied accident.” – Mrs. Smith

“On the night of Sunday, the 14th of April, 1912, my husband and I gave a dinner at which Capt. Smith was present. Capt. Smith drank absolutely no wine or intoxicating liquor of any kind whatever at the dinner.” - Widener

Conclusions prior to the Final Report:

You could really get into the weeds with the last 18 days of testimony, what people/boats had drinking water, saw her go down and thought she broke in half vs. went down in one piece, who was afraid of suction, who heard explosions, I could go on. Part of me wants to do this, I think it would be quite interesting, especially diving into the distant light/boat testimonies. However, I do not have the time for that these days, and you probably don’t either (if you do please share what you find). What I will say, on my last day-by-day summary post is this: If you are a Titanic crazed person like I am, and love the history, the nuances of what went wrong, what went right, specific passenger experiences directly from their hand or mouth, do yourself a favor, and dive into this. The Titanic Inquiry Project is the most complete, well organized, and informative Titanic site I may have ever had the pleasure of using. They link out to passenger and crew and witness bios, they have the particulars on every ship mentioned, and it continues to add more and more. I am not done with this site now that I am done with this inquiry, I still have the British, and if you remember my post about liability, they now have those hearings. I cannot sing the praises of this enough. So if you have a rainy day, and an inquisitive mind, check out titanicinquiry.org . You will not be disappointed. And, if you like, you can use my American Inquiry posts, all under one link on my page, to help navigate, or pick and choose what you want to read.

SEE American Inquiry Day 17 post HERE.

#mypost #titanic inquiry #rms titanic #passengers #may 25 #US Senate Titanic Inquiry #rms carpathia #white star line #history #limitation of liability #sinking of the titanic #one last american inquiry post #i hope #and a kick ass laundry post that has taken way too long #1912

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readbeneaththelines · 5 years

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Repentance Pt.3

Please read all warnings!

Characters: Jimin x Reader

Warnings: Violence, future smut, mentions of suicide ideations, maybe(?) fluff

Word Count: 2095

Jimin was a skilled hitman in one of Gwangju’s notorious Mafia families. When tragedy struck him personally, he began to regret his lifestyle. He was haunted in his dreams by the lives he took and the families he destroyed. Setting a plan into action that would change everything, he went into hiding. Can a mysterious young woman who showed up at his hideaway doorstep convince him to change his mind?

WARNING: THIS FIC HAS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE. IF THIS IS A TRIGGER, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. ALSO IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS, AS IT IS NSFW. DON’T THINK WE WONT KNOW IF YOU DID, WE HAVE OUR WAYS

credit to the owner of the gif

“What family did you say you were with?” hoping he’d slip up and tell you. But no such luck.

“Nice try, but I didn’t tell you. I did tell you that the less you know the safer you’ll be. It’s bigger than the Kim Family, I’ll tell you that much.” He scooted his food around with his fork, hardly taking a bite unless you were looking at him.

“Wow, then it must be huge. Kim Family is one of the top five families in this region. Let’s see, that leaves the Daegu Family, the Elexio Family, the Yakuza group, and the Bappa Family. If you’re involved with any of them, then you are really in deep. No one gets out of those families, unless it’s in a body bag.” You looked at him, recognition flashing across your face when you realized what he was talking about.

“You mean?” your voice broke, unable to finish what you were going to say.

“Yep, pretty much. But it will be on my terms, my way.” he looked you dead in the eyes. If you really wanted to have this conversation, he was going to make you work for it. He set his plate down, resting his arms on his knees, waiting for you to ask the next question.

“You’re terms? Like you are going to do something to get yourself killed by them? What if that doesn’t work out the way you want it to?” You leaned forward, your face mere inches from his.

“Who said anything about them killing me? I just said my terms. That leaves a wide open playing field.” he smiled back at you, wondering how long it was going to take you to catch on to what he was trying to tell you. When your eyes grew bigger and you sat back, it was then he knew you knew what he was saying.

“You want to kill yourself? But- but why? Isn’t there another way for you to get out? Fake your death, move to some aboriginal island? Why kill yourself?” you felt a cold chill run up your spine at the thought of you talking to a person who was planning on taking their own life. You had never been in this situation and you weren’t sure what to do.

“Miss. It’s not just to get out of the family, it’s- it’s far more than that. Guilt for one. Regret is another. Pain, hatred, fear, all of these make up my decision to end everything. The main reason I’m keeping you here tonight is so you can’t run off and tell someone in the hopes of stopping me. I’ve made up my mind a long time ago. You just happened to stumble upon me at the last minute.”

You couldn't understand how someone could be so nonchalant about taking their own life, all while being so calm about it. He must either be crazy or just that far gone that he sees no other way out.

“What if there was another way? There’s always an alternative than what you are doing. Aren’t there people that are going to miss you? Loved ones, family, anyone?” You winced when you saw the pain fill his eyes when you mentioned loved ones and family.

“I lost my family a few years ago. My wife left me, my parents have long been gone, I have no one left to worry about me.” he stated matter-of-factly. His head shook at the thought of no one missing him when he was gone, but that would also make his leaving easier.

“I’ll miss you. So now there’s one person that will miss you if you leave.” you sat up straighter, giving him a smirk. You were going to give it all you had if you were going to try to convince him he was making a mistake.

“I already told you to forget about me. You came into this at the wrong time and too late. Just because I am going to die, doesn’t mean that I am going to be cold hearted. I can’t let someone else die because of me. I’ve had that happen too many times already. You have a life to live, people to get back to that are probably already looking for you.”

“I have no one either. They killed my parents. I was an only child. No boyfriend, no real friends. So we are in the same boat I guess you’d say.” You curled into yourself as the reality hit you that you truly had no one left. The only person who knew about your predicament was Jimin ,and from what he was saying, he would be gone as of tomorrow.

“You have nobody? No other family that you could go to for safety? There has to be someone, Y/N. Distant relatives, an old friend.” You just shook your head at each mention. No home to go to, no safe place to run to.

“If you leave me tomorrow, I am as good as dead. I literally have nowhere to go, no money to start over with, I am a sitting duck. I’d be better off just going back to my kidnappers and being their slave or whatever.” You grabbed the blanket, wrapping it tightly around your body. Even though the small space was warm, you felt chilled to the bone. Jimin sat there, looking at you with sad eyes.

“Don’t you dare have any pity for me! You don’t care about what happens to me anyway. After tomorrow, I won’t be in anyone’s memory. They find me, maybe kill me for running away. At least that way, we’ll both be out of our misery, won’t we?”

“Y/N. I don’t have pity for you. Also, I do care right now what happens to you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t of cared if those men drug you off. You haven’t done the things I have, you have a reason to go on living. I can help you make a fresh start if you want. I have no use for the money I have saved up, you could use it to get away, go to, what did you say, an aboriginal island and hide away.” He smiled for the first time, and you found it endearing. He was very handsome when he smiled, the heavy creased lines of worry fading a bit.

“You’d do that? For someone you don’t know from Adam? Why?”

“Look at it like it was a way of me paying part of my repentance for all I have done. If I do one good thing before I leave this world, then I’d feel a bit better about myself.” He rose from his seat, walking over to stoke the fire and add more wood. You watched him quietly as you noticed the way he moved as if in pain. You hadn’t seen any fresh injuries when he was changing, so you figured it was something old.

“May I ask you something?” You said as he sat back down. You waited for a moment as he considered his answer.

“Sure. Go ahead. Might as well tell you what you want to know. Already said too much anyway.” Jimin crossed his legs as he lowered himself to the floor, you joining him as you began.

“What exactly did you do as a hitman to get you to this point? I mean, I know what a hitman is usually supposed to do, take out the enemy, collect debts one way or another, but there was something else wasn’t there?”

He leaned back against the chair, running his hands through his dark blonde hair.

“The family I work for are ruthless. They not only take out those that deserve it, but also those that don’t. I’m talking entire families. Innocent spouses and children, old and young alike. They collect their debt in bodies if they can’t collect it in money. I was their main hitman. I had trained for this position since I was young. I grew up in the family, met my wife in the family, lost my parents to the family. It has been all I’ve ever known. One day it just hit me. My target was a young family, the husband owed a debt of money that he could probably never pay back. They had a young toddler and a baby on the way. I was sent to collect, knowing that it would be in bodies not cash. He begged for his life and his family’s life. He told me he had a baby on the way, pleading with me to give him some more time. His wife was begging me, their little boy screaming in her arms. I shook my head, telling them that they knew the consequences of borrowing what they couldn’t pay back. I stared them in the eyes, pulling my trigger three times as I watched their life leave their eyes. I did it as mercifully as I could, making it quick so that they wouldn’t suffer. It was at that moment, knowing I took a life before it even began that I had had enough. I couldn’t do it anymore. Some people don’t deserve the fate that had been handed to them. I know I couldn’t just walk away, that they would kill me before I even had the chance to turn around. I am going to suffer with my passing. Suffer like I had made so many suffer on this path to destruction. I don’t want it to be quick.” When he had finished talking, Jimin wiped at the tears that had gathered in his eyes. You just sat there, stunned at what he had told you. You could feel the bile rising, disgust filling your mind that he could do something so horrendous. No wonder he felt the way he did, anyone would hate themselves for doing what he did for only the gods knows how long.

“I- umm. I don’t know what to say. I can see know why you are so dead set on going through with your planning. I’m sorry. Even though I hate what kind of person you were, I can’t hold it against you, being brought up in that lifestyle. At least you have changed, though you may think it’s too late. I’m sorry that you feel this is the only way out. I wish that I could change your mind. You know you said you had enough savings to help me start a new life, why don’t you start over with me? We could run off together, disappear, never be seen or heard from again. Isn’t that a better alternative?” You gave him a big grin, hoping to elicit another one of his from him.

“If it were that easy for me, I would. But what you don’t get is this. I have these mental scars that remind me every day of those lives I took. I see each of their faces every time I close my eyes, even when I pass by certain places. I live with it every second of my life, and I hate it. I don’t want to live with this pain anymore. It is eating away at me, and even though I know I deserve it, it’s the only way I can repent, by leaving this world with one less evil person in the world.”

“I don't believe that. If you feel guilty for what you've done, then you can't be evil. If you feel remorse, then how can you be an evil person? There won't be one less evil person if you die, there be one less good person. You saved me twice already, you want to make up for what you did in your past, how can that be evil?”

You reached for his hands, but froze when he flinched away from you. Holding your hands up, you leaned back on the couch wrapping your arms around your legs.

“I give up! Go ahead and do what you feel like you have to do. I'll find some way to survive without your help. Don't look at me that way, I don't want your help if your not going to be here to see the fruits of its labors. Take it to your next life, I don't want it.”

You pulled yourself up on the couch, lying down with your face to the back. Your tucked the blanket around you, burying your head beneath it.

“ Just let me know when your leaving to do whatever tomorrow. I'll leave at the same time.”

@aspaceformyself @trapped-inside-my-head @beautifulseoulliar@maxinaptak @seoulsunshineandstories @xjamlessparkx @sugababemyg @kpop-addictedloser @min-shookga-yoongi @beautifulseoulliar @agustd-suga-yoongii @astronomyturtle @dreamyoongi @holy-yoongi @trashkazuya @micky1518 @rosiemilas @karri570 @kwonnansi

#jimin x reader #jimin angst #bts jimin #jimin au #you know i bring the angst #angst

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cybernightwanderer · 4 years

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30 years old trapped living with my mom in quarantine.

So basicly if you saw my last post, or didnt doesnt matter. According to my mother ( of three - me, and two older brothers ) i owe her my life, while my brothers dont. ( Because she raised me LOL ) According to my mother i have to serve her and financialy contribute/support her my whole life, even if it means i wont be able to gather for my own house or life. My mom controls my money. My life. And tries to control how i act, dress, or look overall, what i like, what dreams i can , and cannot have. If i can leave a emotionally and physical harming job or not. If i get to have a roof over my head or not. And this is how : - I had a dept i had to pay, and its fully payed of, and since she is my mother ofc i dont have “ receits “ of what i payed her. But its simply a matter of memory and math,and checking my contracts of the three largest jobs i worked ( 2 years and half each ) i payed her every month between 150-210 every month. ( i started paying before that, i mean i even quit school because she pushed my into depression because of it ) I would also pay my own medical buills, transportation, food, etc. My own shit basicly. If i do confront her claiming that i already payed her, she will either : Invalidate , deny that i payed her, or payed her enought. And that i dont have proof. Threaten me to kick me off the house, to beat me, to leave me on the road etc, shes not very creative, its always the same. And that if i already payed her my dept, that i still have to pay 200 to stay home for food and gast and shit THAT I USE, or she will kick me out. ( and of i dont have money to sustain myself because of this ) However gas, light and water, cable its expenses i already pay half by half with her wich sums about to 50 euros per month ( wich also includes her OWN cellphone bill ) So she demands me paying that. PAYING food ( that i already do if you do the math , specially because i can spend a whole month eating just cereal or not eating at all ) So i pay her 200 a month ( aside if i owe her something i will also pay, but now i refuse her attempts of lending me money, because i always run out of money half way into the month. ( note she will get offended if i do not accept her offer to lend me money because she is “ concerned for my health “ LOL ) So making an easier note i pay for : - Half of the bills - gas, light , water, cable , and half of her phone ( she forces me , and threatens me if i try to refuse ) - This sums up to 50 euros. - The right to be in my mothers house , the right to eat the food she buys. - This sums up to 150 euros. Aside from this i pay with whats left of my money : - Transportation - 40 euros. - My own cellphone bill. like 20 euros.

- Food sometimes - 50 euros every two weeks,( wich she also eats, for example if i buy lactose free yogurts like 10 , she will drink 5. If i buy smooth cookies ( because i have three broken teeth ) she will eat more than half , if not the whole packadge. If i eat cereal , or barely eat she will constantly yell and chase me down to eat something. So lets say i dont have much money and i dont wanna spend the leftover money i have on food, because i might need something else, she will not leave me alone. Yet i already pay for food costs on the general 200 montly bill, yet if i do not pay for my own food at the supermarquet or even eat the food she bought she will make my life a living hell for two weeks or more. Meaning its a vicious cicle and it has no end, its always looping. -Mecial bills - for my hernias back and legg pain, depression, anxiety and respiratory alergies. - wich leads up to 50-80 euros , if i dont go to medical apointments ( wich i dont anymore, that would be more 180 euros ) And medical buills in general, i tend to have a lot of teeth infections because i cannot afford going to the dentist, so im always buying antibiotics or painkillers to “ hold on “ , and can never go to an actual apointment. -My own living supplies, if i need clothes, shoes or wtv. And living in my mothers house : - I have no privacy or personal space, meaning she will enter my room, after knocking , most of the times not even knocking, even if i say no SHE WILL enter. At least 10 times or more, half ot the times to yell or complain at me. Usualy between 14 - 21 . Meaning if i wanna do an art project : recordings, painting time lapses and shit, BASICLY BE IN MY OWN ROOM i have to ask for permission and explain why lol. And still she wont respect it. - If i dont wax either my face or leggs or something , she will spend at least half an hour everyday telling me how bad it looks and how shamefull it is. Either in public or in private ( its humiliating ). The same goes to : - If i wear certain clothes or makeup - im either dressing badly and she wont allow me to go out to the grocery store with her, and will pressure me ( force me and yell at me ) if i dont. If i overdress, she will also shame me. I mean she just humiliates me and makes me feel bad overall for any decision on my own life basicly. Specially little things. - She will treat me badly for two weeks or more ( like a tantrum ) i dont do things exacly like she orders , like if i dont do my bed ( i mean im depressed and just want to die, and she makes my life harder than it is to a point i can barely get out of bed sometimes ) she will get in my room 5 to 6 times and yell everyday for not making my bed, or my room not being tidy. Up until 3 years ago , she would come up to my room and organize my display shelf the way she wanted and yell at me for complaining about it. Like i have certain arts and crafts pastel paste in one tiny pink basquet, pendants in a green one and glus and stuff in a blue one. She would come up and take everything out and put it in a trash. It took a lotttt, and i do mean a lot of daily arguments, head heat for her to stop messing with my display cabnet. - At the age of 28(?) i did my first two piercings, she spent a whole week shaming me and telling me how ugly it made me look and that i ruined my face. Even tho its something i had always dreamed of, and she never allowed me to. - Like i said before i buy my own clothes, and sometimes i sell the old ones. She will take the ones i wanna sell, for herlsef because she needs them and i have no right to sell them. I mean, if its mine, if i bought it, and i wanna sell it, so use the money to buy something difrent, then its mine right? She either will “ borrow “ clothes without permission , when she does ask permission i have to tell yes because, you know, she will unleash hell. The only thing i ask her is to leave the things where she found it after using it because while working i dont have much time before leaving for looking for them. And after a while of not asking for permission i notice, a lot of clothes go missing. She later on, keeps the clothes for weeks or even a month, and then claims its hers , or just forgets where she put it ( she lost already a few pieces of mine, specialy my favourite tshirt ) And if i ask for them , she will yell at me for acusing her LOL. For example. Early last month she has the tendancy to force me to wash my clothes with hers. I usualy refuse because she will stupidly charge me for it, or confuse my clothes with hers. So i always do my laundry separate. She hates it when i do it btw. Recently there was a major fight, she almost kicked me ouf ot the house/car in the midle of the highway.

She has a black V neck BODY ( note a full body shirt ) in black with layered strippes. I have a black turtle neck crop top size S also with the black layered stripes( meaning its a really short shirt, its impossible to mistake ) But NOTE , one is a turtle neck crop top , the other is a V neck BODY, i mean, theres no way you can confuse them , specialy if you put the in a HANGER FFS. I usualy wear it to work, because, well. Well.. what can i say my coworkers are fuckers and cant handle personal style. So i tend to tone it down a bit, already get humiliated for too many things on a daily basis at work, dont need more. And the shirt went missing for two weeks after i brought it home after washing and put it in a hanger. I have it also in two other colors in yellow and pink. So i spent looking for it an hour or two , because i knew i had put it there. I didnt even dare to ask her, and she came up to me and asked me what i was looking for. And i showed her the pink and yellow one, and told her. She said SHE NEVER SAW THAT SHIRT OR ANYTHING LIKE IT. I mean....if you have one “like “ it , you could at least check no? Well lets just say this shit ended badly after i found ou my shirt was HIDDEN in her room. I came home with my washed laundry, she trew everything on the ground and stepped all over the wash clothes humiliating me and calling me names... SO yeah FUN. Carrying on. My mom always had the tendancy to go in my room and trought my things. What can i do.. Anyway , this is all for now.

#self #toughts #fear #pain #depression #anxiety #suicide #end my fucking life #end my existence #end my pain #end my life #end my misery #abuse #trauma #toxic #manipulative #toxic family #toxic behavior #toxic mother

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