#the man in the video must have the vibe i’m attracted to

[yunhohours]

who in the boyz/txt/atz? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

https://twitter.com/daddywave4l/status/1592277718435262465?s=46&t=n138NJHT9LAj78eYiZY5zw

link (nsfw!)

this is so clearly juyeon to me and it’s driving me insane actually. like. PLEASE???? one chance juyeon i’m begging

for txt it’s giving beomgyu. i don’t think any of the other members have the intricate mix of patience/boldness going on here. only gyu. and with that knowledge i will be passing away

if this isn’t yunho what is i’m (s)creamingggg 😭

[written-in-flowers]

Lovesick: Chan x Male!Reader Pt. 3

Pairing: Bang Chan x Male!Reader | Side pairings: Minho x Chan, Minho x Male!Reader (unrequited)

Word Count: 4k

Genre: Horror, Angst, Smut | AU: Yandere!au, Videogame!AU, Highschool!AU

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Summary: After being sucked into the dating simulator "Lovesick", Park YN has to defeat five rivals to reach his goal. However, he soon learns his rivals aren't the only thing he must contend with for Chan's love.

Tags: Graphic depictions of violence, Main Character Death, dark fic, dead dove: do not eat, yandere behaviors, yandere!reader, stalking, murder/violence, blood and violence, toxic relationships, mentions of murder, unrequited love, mentions of domestic violence, school massacre/genocide, implied teacher/student relationship, homophobic parents, mentions of bullying/trauma, obsession, possessiveness, manipulation, high school setting, anal sex, anal fingering, edging, eventual smut, pool sex, locker room sex, blowjobs, choking.

A/N: PLEASE READ TAGS BEFORE READING! I'm not responsible for any feelings you end up having because you ignored this warning and the ones above.

Han Jisung: Monday < | > Han Jisung: Wednesday

****

Han Jisung: Tuesday

You needed to do something about the Chan-bug, as you called it. You knew having feelings for Chan could get in the way of achieving your goals. Your goal is to get home, not have a virtual boyfriend. Restraining yourself from following Chan into the school, you retraced your steps to the control room. Where you expected the door, you found a blank wall. Dread shot up through you, and you touched the wall as if it might click upon command. However, nothing happened. You were stuck with it now. Passing away from the door, you recounted last night's events. 

You did not reveal what else you’d done with said napkin. Heat still flared up your neck whenever you thought about it now. You’d jerked yourself off with it that night; you’d pictured Chan’s mouth in place of the dirty napkin, the full lips tightly wrapped around you and humming softly. You’d loved it in the moment, but instantly became disgusted when you finished. Sunghoon’s desires certainly started concerning you. 

“Surely, there’s a way you’d help me out of this,” you said to Bott.

‘Hahaha, yeah, sure, right. I’m totally going to help the guy who tampered with my game designs. Sure, I volunteer!’

“Ugh, whatever.”

You went to the school garden instead, pushing the phone into your pocket. The attraction towards Chan could be contained. You couldn’t afford to be distracted from the task at hand: getting back home. While living a meager lifestyle, you did have a life there. You had freedom, your family, and your friends. Then, a tiny voice in your head spoke:

“What friends, man? They never hung out with you. When they did, it was because you brought it up first. And this ‘freedom’ of yours? You were a cog in a corporate machine designing video games. You had no real freedom.’

But, you beat back the voice. Living in the real world definitely beats living in a high school setting forever. You’d simply have to live with the side-effects of having a stalker in your digital makeup.

You arrived in the garden before anyone else did. Taking up a seat near the garden shed, you’d be within hearing distance of them when they showed up. Waiting on them, someone came up to you.

“Morning, YN-hyung,” Jeongin beamed, holding another tray of food today. “How are you?”

“Alright,” you said a bit cautiously. “Yourself?”

“Great as always. We made corn dogs in the Cooking Club,” he said, showing you the tray of different kinds of small corn dogs. "Want one? It’s not good to start the day on an empty stomach.”

Similar to what he said last time. The typical NPC lines. Yet, something about Jeongin did not give off that vibe. You gazed down at the tray, tentatively taking one as you saw the message underneath.

‘B.O.O.K.’

“Book?” you said out loud.

“That one’s sausage and potato,” he said. His smile looked forced, not fully reaching his eyes. “I got inspired by this manga I like to read. The main character likes corn dogs.”

The next task involved a book. “Cool,” you said, taking a bite of the cheesy, meaty snack. “Thank you, Jeongin-ssi.”

“You’re welcome, hyung.”

You watched Jeongin leave the garden, offering his tray to another student before reaching the entrance. For a second, the younger student looked back at you. No smile. No friendly stare. Fear and worry once again. A result of your redesign? 

“Hey, Jisung-ah,” you heard Chan say from nearby. “I brought the manga you asked me about.”

“Thanks, hyung!” Jisung said with a sweet smile. “I haven’t been able to find early copies anywhere. All the stores only have a few of them, but not the first ones.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty rare. I think they only sell the whole series in Japan, since it’s kind of…” Chan blushed, “Racy.”

“I’ve heard,” he nodded. “Oh, um, that’s not why I want to read it though! I really like fantasy manga and this one is supposed to be really good.”

You snorted.

“It really is,” Chan agreed. “I think you’re gonna like it. We can meet up here and talk about it after school. I’d love to know what you thought of it.”

“Okay! Sounds good to me!”

As Jeongin implied, you needed to steal the book. The pair walked out of the garden together, talking about the manga, while you kept your distance. Chan liked manga, a good piece of information to have. You enjoyed it too, so you could talk and reveal a shared interest. When they reached a hallway intersection, you chose to follow Jisung to the sophomore classes. You simply needed to wait for him to leave his bag unattended and snatch the book.

“YN-ssi?” You recognized Minho’s voice right away and turned around.

“Good morning, Minho-hyung.” The citrus scent that lingered around Minho filled your lungs. It wasn’t empowering or sickening. You took a sniff, pretending to be scrunching up your nose.

“What are you doing on the sophomore floor? Aren’t you a junior?” He asked curiously.

"I was looking for my class," you chuckled bashfully. "I got lost…again. I wish they hadn't made the school so big. I can never find anything. What are, um, what are you doing here?"

"Hall monitor duty," he tapped a shield on his blazer. "I do my patrols before classes. You know, make sure everyone's following rules and not running in the halls. I don't know if you know," he leaned in closer and whispered, "One of our classmates went missing recently. The principal wants us on high alert for any suspicious activity." He then added, "My money's on Lee Felix and his delinquent friends. I urge you to stay away from them. You don't want to get mixed up with the wrong sort." 

"Of course not," you agreed. You glanced over Minho’s shoulder to see Jisung disappearing into the classroom. You needed to get to the bag. You whipped your head towards a bathroom nearby, and said, “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Minho turned his head to the bathroom. 

“I heard something coming from the bathroom. It sounded like a firework.” 

Minho grunted, “I’ll check it out. I swear, if it’s Felix and his cherry bombs…I’ll be back.” 

You waited until Minho disappeared into the restroom to briskly walk towards Jisung’s class. The boy walked out through the first door while you snuck in through the second. Jisung’s backpack was the only one in the classroom. You found the manga hidden between notebooks and folders. You grabbed it, seeing a pale anime character in a red and black frock coat standing by a window. Red eyes and sharp canines indicated a vampire. The title ‘Eternal Light’ went across the bottom in cursive font. Chan’s favorite manga. You stuffed it in your own bag before leaving the room, a sense of relief and triumph coming over you. You were one step closer to leaving this game world and getting back home. As you walked towards the end of the hallway, you spotted Minho coming out of the restroom, confused and looking around. You blended yourself into the crowd and walked in the opposite direction. If you hurry, you might catch Chan in class already, and get to talk to him instead. 

Rather than focus on particular school times, you focused on skill points and maintaining your positive reputation. Students you spoke to smiled and greeted you kindly, happy to see and talk to you. Nobody made a mean joke or pulled a slick prank. Having a ‘well-liked’ reputation made socializing easier. Things had been fine during lunch. You'd pulled out your phone to see any Bott messages when someone bumped into you. The phone flying onto the floor, a hand stopped you from picking it up. It was Jeongin. Absent a friendly smile, he spoke quietly and hurriedly.

“Don't listen to him.”

“Huh?”

“Don't listen to him. Go with the game. Don't take his advice.”

“Dude, what is-”

“Here, hyung,” he instantly changed to his friendly tone again, handing you the phone. “I'm really sorry! I hope it's not broken.”

You hesitated, observing him for a moment, “Nah, it's good. It's okay. No worries.”

“That’s a relief! See you around, hyung!”

“Yeah, you too.”

He walked off again, leaving a dark worry in the pit of your stomach. You knew who Jeongin spoke of, and the warning stayed in the back of your head. Chan interactions soothed your concerns for a while. 

“There’s this new manga I’ve been reading,” you told him as they took seats at the lunch table. Sitting with the other team members made you feel more involved in Chan’s life. “I don’t know if you like that sort of thing, but it’s called Eternal Light. It’s one of those vampire fantasy mangas with lots of drama and action. I’ve really been enjoying it. Do you like manga?”

Chan’s eyes lit up, “I do! Eternal Light is my favorite one! Who’s your favorite character? Mine is Fabian. He’s so cool and mysterious. I really like what they’ve done with his character over the series.”

“Um, me too!” You said, “He’s an interesting character. I like his…his design.” You dared to pretend to be shy. 

Chan chuckled, “It’s okay. A lot of people do. He’s very handsome. Ah, if only guys like that existed in real life, huh?”

“They do.”

“Ha, where?” 

“Right next to me,” You grinned, nudging him to indicate you meant him.

Chan gave a shy smile and looked away, “I’m not mysterious or cool like him.”

“You’re mysterious to me. You know a lot about me but I hardly know anything about you.”

He paused, “Maybe we can, um…you know, change that sometime?”

Your heart thumped in your chest. “Sure. That’d be cool.” 

“Cool.” 

As lunch time ended, the phone went off in his pocket. You turned into a bathroom to see a message from Bott. 

“What was that?” 

“Flirting with Chan obviously.”

“You’re not supposed to be doing that! You’re not supposed to be talking to him at all! Why did you have to go and screw around with the game? Everything is totally out of order now!”

“If it bugs you so much, then reset everything. It’s not like you don’t have control over the game.” You then noted the silence that followed. It dawned on you. “You don’t want to change it, do you?” you smirked knowingly.

“Shut up.”

“No, no, no. You’ve been bitching this whole time about how I’ve been playing around with your coding and designs, but haven’t actually done anything to fix it. The only thing you’ve done is lock me out of the control center,” you sneered at the phone screen. “You’re actually interested in where this game’s gonna go now that I’ve changed things up. Were the others before me really that boring?” 

They didn’t reply for several minutes. 

“Alright, fine. Yeah, I’m kinda curious. Nobody’s ever taken the initiative to rework the game in their favor. They go around with the same motions over and over. It gets boring. I only got rid of the control room so you don’t accidentally cause glitches in the game or bugs that’ll mess everything up.”

“Oh honey, don’t worry. My games never have glitches,” you smirked. You saw you only had a few minutes until class when they responded:

“I’ve never had a player like you before.” 

“There are no players like me.” 

You shut off the phone, then headed to class. You put points into literature and psychology this time. It’d give you something to do while waiting on Chan and Jisung’s interaction to go down the toilet. Gym came and went after lunchtime, which was spent gazing at Chan from afar and making sure he and Changbin stayed firmly apart. You found him and Jisung in the garden after school. Standing inside the shed once more, you listened to their conversation. 

“Hey Jisung-ah,” Chan greeted him. “How’d you like the book?”

“Um…uh…”

“Jisung? Is something wrong?”

“I didn’t get a chance to…to read it.”

“Why not?”

“I think I lost it.”

Chan didn’t speak for a moment. “You lost it? What do you mean?”

“I had it in my bag when you gave it to me, but then around lunch time I looked for it and it wasn’t there! Oh Channie-hyung,” he pleaded, “I’m so sorry. I must’ve misplaced it or thought I put it in my bag and it actually fell. I went to Lost and Found, but they said they didn’t have it. I’m really, really, really sorry. I’ll get you another one, I swear.”

“I don’t think that’s really possible,” Chan said, “That copy was pretty rare and my dad got it for me when he visited Japan.”

“Chan…”

“I think I’ll just go now.”

“Chan-”

“-I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

You watched Chan sulk away, leaving a saddened Jisung behind. Stage 2 was complete. You only had two more days to go. 

“I have to make it up to him,” he heard Jisung say. “I’ll get him something. Maybe a present or a gift; something he’d really like.” 

No, he wouldn’t. You realized what your next task was now. You waited until Jisung turned around to sneak out of the shed and follow Chan out. You saw him heading towards the locker rooms for swimming practice. 

“Chan-hyung!” you called out right as the older boy reached the entrance. “Hey, hyung, wait up!”

“Hey, YN-ssi,” Chan said, keeping the sadness out of his voice. “What’s up?”

“Listen,” you opened his backpack, “I was walking to the library after class ended and I found this on the ground.” You pulled out the manga for Chan to see, “I was going to turn it into Lost and Found, but I saw it has your name on the inside of the cover and remembered you like this one. I knew we’d be seeing each other at swim practice, so I waited until I saw you.”

“Oh wow, YN! Thank you so much! I was worried I’d lost it forever!” He hugged the small paperback, then smiled at you, “I’d leant it to my friend Jisung, and I guess he’d dropped it somewhere.”

“Well, that’s irresponsible of him. I know I’m super careful when I have someone else’s things.”

“Don’t think badly of him. Jisung is normally so responsible. I'm surprised he’d been careless like that.” He gave you a thankful smile, “I appreciate you giving it to me. This copy has a bit of sentimental value, since it was a gift from my dad.”

“Sounds like you’re very close to him.”

“I am. He travels a lot for work, but he always makes time for me when he’s home.” He hesitated, “My parents are divorced, you see, and I live with my mom. Not that she’s a bad parent; she’s wonderful and we get along, but I don’t see my dad that much, so I’m really happy when he comes to town.” He put the book in his bag, then slung it back over his shoulder, "You coming?" He gestured to the locker room behind him. 

You nodded and went inside for swimming practice where the other team members prepared for practice. You considered skipping, and heading on into the next day before Chan put down his bag. 

Like everyone else, he immediately switched from his school uniform to his swim uniform. The uniform was a pair of tight swim trunks that clung to Chan’s hips and thighs like a second skin. The type of trunks that stirred the imagination. Your mouth watered seeing the rest of Chan’s body. His chest and arms were certainly big enough, but the torso he hid was on full display here. You whimpered seeing the pink nipples hardening in the cold room. You thought of nipping and sucking on one while you jerked Chan’s cock; you shuddered thinking of how he’d sound being pleasured relentlessly. 

You changed into your own uniform, which really happened with another simple click, but couldn’t keep your eyes off Chan. You pictured dark hickies on Chan’s smooth skin; how the supple flesh would feel under your lips and tongue. You imagined Chan shyly looking away as you kissed down his abdomen to his waistband. All the blood in your body flowed to your center, and you tried controlling it as you walked to the school’s swimming pool. 

The warm sun beaming through a skylight above, the olympic sized pool had long ropes already separating the different lanes. You had no real intention of swimming or doing anything except watching Chan; the coach was a placeholder rather than an non-playable character, so he didn’t move or say anything to them. You took a seat on the bleachers, towel draped around your neck to cover your shoulders, and took in more of Chan’s form. You tried ignoring the fact that Changbin was doing the same, just a bit less subtle than you. 

You spent some time watching Chan swim and pretending to care about the team, while contemplating your next move. Jisung would be getting Chan a gift to make up for losing the book. You’d have to find a way to intercept the gift and replace it with something else. Jisung was the cute little underclassman. He was angelic. If he were to give Chan a gift that was inappropriate, that would shatter. You sat on the bleachers for a “break”, while scrolling on your phone. 

“How would you go about ruining Jisung’s gift?” he asked the pink screen. 

“You know what I’d do.”

“Besides that.”

“Why not? Killing him makes things so much easier. You can get creative with it too. Like, if you get a bucket, gasoline from the garden shed and a lighter, you can set someone on fire.”

“That alone sounds complicated. What do I do about gifts?”

“You can electrocute him in the second floor bathroom. It has a faulty switch with exposed wires.”

“The gift, Bott,” you said firmly. 

“Ugh, whatever. You could always plant contraband in the box. Cigarettes, condoms, drugs, porn…something shocking that would make Chan think less of him.”

“Hm, that could work,” you considered, “Where can I find that stuff?”

“Hwang Hyunjin. His family is the other gang in town to rival Felix’s family; they own the convenience store in town. He’s always hanging around the Art Club room after school, or the bleachers before classes. He’ll give you what you need.” 

“Guess I’m going to the Art Club then.” 

The Art Club had all the typical activities in it: a pottery wheel, several canvases and even a woodworking table. A room of color and light, you didn’t find a single student there. Yet, you did find a tall boy with long black hair, his sharp features gave him a mysterious, handsome appearance. He wore his pants at his hips, his sleeves rolled up and earrings dangling from his ears like Felix. He sat alone by the window seat, a sketch book in his lap as he drew on the pad. He didn’t acknowledge you until you cleared your throat. 

“What do you want?” he asked, continuing to draw and not looking at you. 

“I was, um, told your dad owns  a convenience store?”

“What about it?”

“I was hoping you could, you know, get me some things that he might not be willing to sell to a high school student?”

Hyunjin stopped drawing, then looked over at you. “What’s in it for me?”

“Huh?”

“I don’t sell to just anyone,” he answered. “How do I know you’re not setting me up?”

“I’m not. I have no reason to,” you saw where this was going. “What is it you want?”

Hyunjin thought for a moment, “Mrs. Yang took my vape pen. Get it back and we can deal.” He went back to his drawing. 

“That’s risky.”

“Then go ask Lee Felix, but I’ll warn you,” he filled in a part with shading, “He’ll ask for worse stuff than me.” 

You grumbled in irritation. Leaving the art room, you thought about other ways of acquiring contraband items, but none of them seemed right. Walking past the faculty room, you saw teachers working well into the after school hours. Typing on computers, grading papers and preparing lesson plans, they focused on nothing but the work in front of them. None of them saw you standing by the large windows looking inside. You studied the room: you saw more featureless books and a table of office supplies sat off to the side. On a white box underneath, someone scribbled ‘Contraband’ across the side. The vape pen is likely in there. You took a step past the threshold, expecting the teacher to not notice you. 

“Are you lost, YN?” a teacher asked, immediately locking her eyes on yours. 

“No, seonsaengnim,” you said, bowing slightly. “I must have walked into the wrong room. Sorry.”

“That’s alright,” she said with a smile. “Head on to your hagwon. You’ll be late.”

“Yes, seongsaengnim.” 

You gave another bow and went around the corner. Naturally, it wouldn’t be so easy. Like with the nurse, you’d need a distraction. Scanning the hallway, you spotted a fire alarm. They’d have to leave if the fire alarm is pulled. You walked over to the alarm, but a voice stopped you in your tracks. 

“Hyung? What are you doing?” 

Jeongin stood behind you holding an empty tray at his side. “N-nothing,” you said, straightening up and facing him. “I was on my way to hagwon. What-what are you doing here? Still handing out snacks?” you gave a nervous laugh. 

“I just finished,” he said with a grin. He noticed the faculty room nearby, then said, “Did you need the teachers for something?”

“Huh? No, nothing.” 

“Ah, that’s good. Our educators can’t afford to get distracted right now.” 

You noticed the pointed way he’d said it, “I don’t think anything would distract them. They seem very busy.”

“They only really leave between classes if something bad happens on campus,” he said. “It’s unfortunate, but it happens.”

“Like what?”

“An accident,” he shrugged, “Or student misbehaving on the east side of the school around this time.” 

You gazed around for witnesses, then came closer, “Misbehaving?” 

“I heard Felix and his friends hang out around the girl’s locker rooms after school to catch the girls undressing,” he blushed. “If someone reported them to the teachers, I imagine they’d all want to apprehend them.” 

“I’m sure they would.”

He checked his watch and then said, “Sorry, hyung. I got to go. I’ll be late for my tutoring. Have a good day!”

He walked past you, grinning to himself like most of the students do. You didn’t hesitate to take his advice. Working yourself up, you then rushed into the faculty room. 

“YN?” Mrs. Yang looked at you with more concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, seonsaengnim,” you panted, giving a polite bow, “But I wanted to tell you that Lee Felix and his friends keep hanging around the girl’s locker room. I saw them with their phones, trying to look through the windows up top.”

She grunted, “That little pervert. Thank you for telling us this, YN.” 

She and the other teachers stood up all together and began walking out of the room. You waited until they’d left to dive for the contraband box. Inside, you found a single black vape pen. You tucked it into your pocket, then stepped out of the faculty room. Jeongin stood at the end of the hallway, and you saw the pleased grin on his face. Nothing malicious or wicked lingered behind it; just pride and satisfaction. Out of all the NPCs, Jeongin showed the most autonomy. Yet, looking at him now, the suspicion that he’s more crawled over to you. 

Something kept him from speaking to you directly, and you knew what it was. 

Leaving back to the Art Club room, you saw Hyunjin still sitting on the window sill. He’d switched from pencil to charcoal, his fingertips blackening from the dust as he added hard lines and more shading. Once again, he didn’t stop when you entered the room. 

“I got your pen,” you said, walking closer and extending it to him. 

“Thanks,” he stopped drawing to take up the pen and examine it. With an approving nod, he put the pen between his lips. He took a long drag, then looked up at you. “What is it you’re looking for?”

You took a moment, thinking of what Chan would dislike the most. “Condoms?”

He stared you up and down, “Two-thousand Won.”

The game had given you more than enough to start off with, you realized. After counting the bills, he rifled around in his bag, then handed you the condom packet. “If you get caught, keep my name out of your mouth.” 

“And keep mine out of yours.”

He went back to his drawing. You found the exchange uneventful until Hyunjin spoke: “Come back and see me next time you need something. You’re cool.” 

“Noted.” 

You had what you needed. Now, you need to execute the plan. 

****

A/N: Something's not right, and YN's going to find out what it is soon enough haha Like always, please reblog and like <3

[lumiambrose]

Kaiju no. 8 matchup for @slutforitoshi

I ship you with...

Gen Narumi

Ok. I spent quite some time deciding between reno x opposites attract or narumi x chaos. But ultimately, I think Narumi takes the cake for you.

So... dating the first division captain... definitely going to be an experience, so prepare yourself.

You’re sassy, he’s sassy; pray for anyone around you two. You give off the vibe that you would primarily flirt through being mean and insulting people. Jokes on you; Narumi does too. Although it becomes the norm for you both after a while.

“Good morning, dipshit.” After Narumi wakes up at 1pm after spending the entire night gaming.

Or “Welcome home, asshole.” After you come back from your studies or work.

Despite taunting words, his actions are the polar opposite. This man clings to you like a cat. He absolutely refuses to leave your presence, let alone leave your side. Not only that, but he’ll follow you around like a puppy; he basically never wants to leave your side.

Hates his work even more now 🤠

That is, unless you also work at the defence force. Now, typically, the JAKDF avoids relationships in the same division. But this is Captain Narumi’s relationship we’re talking about. If the captain wants something, he’ll get it. Of course, you wish to work in another division, but expect him to whine and sob about it until you cave and join the first division.

Working with Narumi is interesting? Hasegawa visits you a minimum of three times a day to convince Narumi to do stuff.

Queue you walking into his office for the tenth time that day with your pretty puppy eyes, asking him to go to work.

80% of the time it works. Narumi folds quick, extremely quick. One pleading look from you is almost all it takes. Although, on the off chance he’s feeling extra bratty today, that remaining 20% is him convincing you to haul up in his office with him and play video games instead.

Although I don’t think you’re much of a video game person, I also don’t think you’d be against playing games with him. Even if you despise them, I can picture you trying once or twice for him.

Queue Narumi absolutely demolishing the game while you’re trying to figure out the controls.

“It’s ok, Kiwi. Everyone starts somewhere. C’mere. I’ll help ya.” To which he proceeds to sit you on his lap while his fingers interlace with yours, helping you press the correct buttons.

To be honest, you didn’t learn much but it was a damn good experience ;)

You don’t have to be playing video games to spend time with him, though. You bask in each other's presence. Simply having the other nearby makes your days ten times better. Perhaps you’re reading a book or simply rotting on TikTok, and he’s not even a meter away from you playing his games. It’s the simple moments like that that you two love.

Oh. But don’t even try to pull out Yamazon alone. This man has a sixth sense for whenever you’re about to spend money. God forbid you do it without him.

Narumi instantly pulls you into his body/lap as you scroll together. Or he’ll even turn his PC on so you can both shop with a much larger screen.

Thank God the JAKDF pays well.

These situations may have also led to the two of you buying some interesting things ;)

SAVING THAT FOR LATER, THOUGH

Despite how immature and childish Narumi presents himself to be, it’s obvious he has a more mature side to him. Which becomes even more obvious during your relationship. I’m thinking something along the lines of character x must protect character. Trust me, Narumi certainly won’t cut the brattyness just because you two are dating. Quite the opposite, actually; I think you’ll enable him to reach even higher levels of brattyness. But the rare cases of him acting like the first division captain do increase. Especially with you around.

And outside of work too, there are now times where he has a much more mature air to him. On the very rare occasion, you’ll hear him lecture you on spending too much money and that you should keep your spending habits under control (to which he gives you his card five minutes later because he has more money and you should “spend yours on more responsible shit”). Or going out, Narumi will meticulously plan whatever outing the two of you may have. Whether its a vacation or a date, he’ll know exactly where you’re going 24/7 and will literally always have a hand on you so you won’t get lost.

On the topic of dates, they’re also one of the only times Narumi really strains himself to avoid his gaming consoles. While he may be addicted, he’s not an idiot. He knows how important quality time is for the both of you and refuses to ruin a date for a bunch of pixels. In fact, date-wise, Narumi tries his best to go all out for you.

It doesn’t matter what the two of you are doing; he’ll have bought a nice outfit for himself and you, and he’ll also make sure it matches with your nails and any other accessories you choose to wear. If he’s the one planning the date, everything will be thought out down to a T.

Though if you want to plan a date, first of all, he refuses to let you look at him because he is melting. He’ll tease you about how sweet you are, but that’s all to hide the fact that he’s taken aback by someone putting in so much effort for him.

For real though, he’s going to shoo you away (jokingly) so much because he doesn’t want you to watch him act so vulnerable.

I do think Narumi will open up to you eventually, but it will take a very long time. It’s not as though he doesn’t trust you. Quite the opposite; you’re the only one he trusts; he’s just really not used to having someone to call his own or just someone to care about him as a whole. But when he does open up to you, just sit there and listen to everything he says; even just acknowledging it and reassuring him that you’re by his side is enough for him. After that, my god, he is whipped.

Content warning below, minors dni:

FIRST OF ALL.

You were Narumi’s first time. I refuse to believe this man cared about women physically or mentally until you came along.

Despite being a little lost, Narumi’s a fast learner. One or two times is all he needs to map out your entire body. To know where you’re sensitive or where that one spot is that makes you see stars.

My god, his fingers. This man is already adept enough, but his fingers??? Literal heaven. Apart from any preexisting talent or skill, his fingers are intricate. He always makes it a habit to prep you with them before you take him. And he’ll only stop once you’re screaming on his fingers.

Or if he’s in the mood to change things up, he’ll have you cumming on his tongue. Though that happens rarely.

While he enjoys eating you out, he prefers anything else that allows him to see your face.

Being able to watch your reactions is a must for him. Seeing the way your face contorts in pleasure or the way your eyes squint when he bottoms out only gets him harder.

Again, he adores the positions where he can see your face, i.e. missionary, mating press, honestly any really intimate position.

But as long as there’s a mirror, he won’t hesitate to bend you over and drill you from behind.

Very vocal during sex and sees no need to shut up too. Of course, he expects you to be just as vocal as him. And if you won't, then he simply has to force the noises out of you.

Bratty top x bratty bottom. (I’m so sorry if you’re not as bratty as i imagine you to be but we’re rolling with that now.)

Narumi will tease you any chance he can get; you don’t even need to be fucking for him to. He simply loves getting a reaction out of you.

“Oh, what’s that? You’re drunk on my cock already? But you were talking so big earlier…”

“C’mon [name], you can take it. Don’t tell me this is too much.”

Has the same smirk literally every time.

Loves it when you try and put up a fight, coming up with your own witty remarks to match his. But nothing compares to when you’re so fucked out that the only response you can give him are your lewd moans.

My god, any noise you make goes straight to his dick.

Type of guy to get hard because you made a cute noise whilst stretching.

Honestly, he gets hard over anything you do.

He’s not too risky in public, but certainly won’t pass down an opportunity to see you struggle to keep your composure. Especially when you can’t do anything back.

A hand on your thigh while you are in a meeting, slowly dragging its way up and under your skirt to tease your soaked folds. All while you’re trying your very best to pay attention to what’s happening in the meeting.

“What’s wrong, [name]? You seem pale.” While his fingers are pumping deep inside of you.

Or “Quiet, [name]. You don’t want the entire defence force to know how needy you are for just my fingers alone now, do you?”

Tease™

Eats you out during any online meetings you may have because he finds it fucking hilarious.

Also because he knows you’ll pounce on him the moment you hang up ;)

[yami-kada]

Mission 2

Recently I read a fanfic on AO3 called Interlude - Class 1-A by @itslivybear and was inspired a bit to write a fic based on that! Well really I got inspiration for a single line (you'll know it when you see it) and then had to write a whole thing to be able to share that one line, but oh well. This is my first time writing a chatfic or even any BNHA content at all, so I hope it doesn't suck! Thanks to @shadesofflame for being an awesome beta!

(Quick FYI in this AU M*neta and Bakugou are replaced with Shinsou and Monoma, sorry for any confusion. Also a name guide can be found at the bottom.)

RockSolid: Um, so.

RockSolid: Remember the missions during the Sports Festival?

PurpleGrape: Oh hell yeah.

PurpleGrape: Still cherish the look on that bastard's face.

Spoderman: jehxgjc Kiri I got it on video!!!

JazzHands: You've had video of the capture of the bounty this whole time and never showed us???

LSD: I thought we were friends Sero!

Spoderman: omg no not that I totally would have shared earlier if i did

Spoderman: im talking about That.

RockSolid: no Sero don't tell them!

RockSolid: it's embarrassing!

PikaCHU: Tell us, tell us!

NYOOM: Kaminari-kun! If Kirishima-kun wishes to keep his privacy, then it is our duty as his classmates to respect that!

Spoderman: ok but consider: he already gave them a major hint and they are about to POUNCE

BreadIsPain: As a witness as well, I must say that Kirishima was si attirant que j'ai failli m'évanouir~*

RockSolid: thanks, I think?

MOMo: To paraphrase Aoyama, he is essentially saying you were very manly, Kirishima!

RockSolid: aw thanks bro!! Don't believe you but thanks!

Spoderman: you take that lack of confidence back I have evidence right here that says you are super fucking manly!

LSD: ok please now we have to know so that we can show Kiri how great he is!!!

MOMo: I must admit that the commentary seen thus far has me rather curious as well.

RockSolid: You guys…

RockSolid: alright then, I'll tell you!

Spoderman: sweet ill pull it up!

RockSolid: bro don't you dare! my story, I get to tell it!

Spoderman: oh yeah of course bro!!

Spoderman: but if after you wanna show it then i am READY.

JazzHands: This is very sweet and all but I am very thirsty for this TEA.

RockSolid: on it!

Kirby: Kiri you've been typing for so long that I'm getting Izuku vibes here.

GreenGrape: Hey!

RockSolid: sorry! this is harder than I thought!

Spoderman: want me to start it off?

RockSolid: you know what, sure.

Spoderman: aight so,

Spoderman: Council, what qualifies as capturing the bounty?

GreenGrape: Guys no the bounty is over please no more bounty-hunting Kacchan.

MOMo: Your objection is noted and overruled, Izuku.

MOMo: For your question, Sero, I do not believe we ever set specific limitations on what qualified, but I was under the impression that it was limited to the Sports Festival. Why do you ask?

Spoderman: just double checking

Spoderman: because my bro here just totally shot both missions out of the park!!!

LSD: gaSP!!!

JazzHands: bOTH?!

RockSolid: no not both!! we have no confirmation for either, technically!

Kirby: Technically? What do you mean by that?

RockSolid: ahhhh ok so Sero and I were eating lunch in the courtyard because it was nice out, right?!

RockSolid: and we were chillin, being bros, birds were singing, all was good.

RockSolid: and then we heard a small explosion before the bounty walked in at the other end of the courtyard and started kicking at the wall.

PikaCHU: omg so angy.

RockSolid: and like fine, we can tune him out, just try to act like he's not there, you know?

RockSolid: But then he started yelling at random people in the courtyard, just acting pissed as hell.

PikaCHU: oMG so ANGY.

RockSolid: and that's just not manly at all, you know? going off on people like that just because you're in a bad mood.

GreenGrape: Yeah… that's Kacchan for you.

RockSolid: so he's making his way around the courtyard now, like everyone needs their daily dose of asshole for him to be happy, and the closer he got the more annoyed I got.

Spoderman: here it comes!

RockSolid: and eventually I get up, because I have had just about enough, and walk right up to him.

RockSolid: he doesn't see me coming, because he was too busy yelling at some girl, and I get right up behind him.

RockSolid: and then I just called out to get his attention, and spun him to face me while making sure I end up between him and the girl.

RockSolid: and well I told him off a little bit and got him to back off then left in a hurry.

RockSolid: and that's it!

Spoderman: oh no you don't

BreadIsPain: Oui! Monsieur Kirishima, you must tell the climax with just as much zest as the build-up!

Spoderman: what he said! no skipping out on the best part!

RockSolid: but!!!

Jacked: No buts, mister. We're all way too invested now for you to back down.

RockSolid: :(

RockSolid: fine! you win!

RockSolid: so uh when I got his attention, I also got my hand onto his shoulder, and used his surprise to knock his feet a bit off balance and pulled him back, but then I ended up with him in my arms and could tell he was about to start yelling so I just…

RockSolid: you know…

RockSolid: flirted?

LSD: oh my GoD this is great!!!

PikaCHU: Hell yeah Kiri! Go get yourself a manz!

RockSolid: I'm not getting a man! He's probably going to kill me the next time he sees me!

Spoderman: i dunno, it took him a good long while to reboot after what you said there

Spoderman: you might have a shot

PurpleGrape: Well if you're not going to get a man out of this, mind telling us what you said so I can bait him next time he tries to be an ass?

RockSolid: uhhh…

RockSolid: I'm nervous.

BreadIsPain: If you will allow me, I shall finish your tale off dazzlingly!

RockSolid: Thanks Aoyama.

BreadIsPain: Bien entendu!

BreadIsPain: While holding him in his arms tightly in a dip, faces inches apart, Monsieur Kirishima leaned impossibly closer to emphasize his point.

RockSolid: oh god I regret everything.

LSD: Hush, it's getting good!

BreadIsPain: With a growl to his voice and his eyes burning above a smirk, he said "You know, you're damn cute when you're angry, but you'd be downright sexy if you shut the fuck up." Then he straightened up to fling the lost soul to the side, and saunter off like the devil was guarding his back, leaving the bounty terribly confused in his wake.

PurpleGrape: Whoa.

PikaCHU: Holy shit?!

RockSolid: what is that description?!?!?!

JazzHands: Kiri that was PERFECT oh my god?!

LSD: It's ART is what it is!

Spoderman: don't forget how red the guy was! Kiri was cool as a cucumber but the other guy couldn't stop blushing after seeing his face!!!

MOMo pinned a message

RockSolid: Yaomomo!!!

MOMo: My apologies, Kirishima, but I felt it only right to ensure easy access to your most manly moment.

LSD: Yeah Kiri! Then one day we can all look back on this and celebrate how everything started!!

RockSolid: How what started???

LSD: E v e r y t h i n g

RockSolid: @Spoderman bro hide me I’m scared.

Spoderman: hey guys, wanna see a GREAT video?

Spoderman: the stars are our main man, Kiri, and the bounty!

PikaCHU: hell yeah!!!

Jacked: Lay it on me.

PurpleGrape: Sure.

JazzHands: Do you really have to ask????

RockSolid: but I already told you what happened!

RockSolid: why do you want to see me being so embarrassing?

PikaCHU: bro we all appreciate you so much of course we want to see you being manly!

LSD: Just from what you all said there is no way you don’t look great in that vid, Kiri!

PikaCHU: gotta give support where support is due!!

PurpleGrape: They’ll all bully Sero into showing them one way or another anyways, might as well give in now.

RockSolid: but...

BreadIsPain: Nous devons vous montrer à quel point vous brillez et dissiper ces pensées douteuses!**

MOMo: I could not have said it better myself, Aoyama!

RockSolid: I don’t even know what he said though?!?!?!?!?!?!

Spoderman: Kiri.

Spoderman: Bro.

Jacked: Well shoot he’s using proper grammar and everything.

Spoderman: Rude.

Spoderman: Anyways Bro.

RockSolid: yeah?

Spoderman: You are epic. This video shows you being epic. And putting an asshole in their place.

Spoderman: You have nothing to be ashamed of, and every reason to be proud. So please let me show the video so that everyone can appreciate you like you deserve bro.

RockSolid: bro…

Spoderman: Bro.

RockSolid: bro -

Spoderman: Bro?

RockSolid: bro!

Spoderman: aight everyone down to the common room its up on the big screen

Spoderman: i have popcorn too

Jacked: Not even gonna question that.

LSD: Finally!!!

JazzHands: Yuss!!!

BreadIsPain: Je vais regarder avec enthousiasme!***

MOMo: As will all of us I’m sure, Aoyama!

RockSolid: Thanks guys!

RockSolid: Now get down here and watch me maybe get a man!

Translations:

*so attractive that I almost swooned.

**We must show you how much you shine, and dispel those self-doubting thoughts!

***I shall excitedly watch!

Guide to names:

GreenGrape - Izuku

PurpleGrape - Hitoshi

CopyCat - Monoma Neito

MOMo - Yaoyorozu Momo

datBoi - Asui Tsuyu

JazzHands - Hagakure Toru

NYOOM - Iida Tenya

SnowWhite - Kouda Kouji

LifeIsPain - Tokoyami Fumikage

BreadIsPain - Aoyama Yuga

Kirby - Uraraka Ochaco

LSD - Ashido Mina

PikaCHU - Kaminari Denki

RockSolid - Kirishima Eijiro

RipHarambe - Ojiro Mashirao

IcyHot - Todoroki Shoto

MuffinMan - Sato Rikido

Octodad - Shouji Mezou

Jacked - Jirou Kyoka

Spoderman - Sero Hanta

[csykora]

A thought about meaningful change

I don’t want to distract from the most recent thing Benn did. I’m going to be talking about several different things, and some might seem smaller than others: I know. I’m not saying that the newest thing isn’t important enough on its own or that everything’s on the same level. But I think patterns can be useful.

(I have also made myself sick with nerves a couple times so I’m posting this as is: sorry for typos, and while I’ll stand behind my ideas there may be some sentences that are a little long or awkwardly worded).

Back in 2015, Jame Benn and Tyler Seguin were doing a radio interview.

Some of you might be thinking, “You want to talk about THIS, AGAIN?” Yes. More of you are probably thinking, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Yeah, that’s what I want to talk about.

cw for discussions of sexual harassment, incest, homophobia, bullying, misogyny and transmisogyny, transphobia

So during this interview, one of the radio hosts asked Benn if he and his brother were ever road roommates. Benn said no, and the host commented that Henrik and Daniel Sedin probably roomed together.

“Well yeah…that’s the Sedins,” Seguin said.

“Who knows what else they do together?" Benn said. Everyone laughed.

“Seriously,” Seguin said.

"Dude, it's creepy," the radio hosts said, "In fact, it's a good example to future brothers in the NHL on how not to do things." Then they reassured Benn, “In no way am I implying that you have a Sedin-type vibe going about you.”

Benn and Seguin laughed. The conversation continued, calling the Sedins creepy for wearing similar facial hair, leaving nearby and spending too much time together.

When asked pointblank, “Are the Sedins weird?” Benn answered, “I don’t know. I can’t say.”

To finish the sentence he didn’t: he was implying that the Sedin brothers fuck each other.

Now, these were shock jockeys. They were almost certainly hoping Benn and Seguin would say something homophobic. That said, even shock jockeys pre-screen an interview. They’re not going to invite just anyone on the air and try this with them, because all it takes is someone saying, “I don’t know what you mean,” or “No, I actually respect Dan and Henke a lot as my colleagues” to ruin that set up. If a shock jockey thinks you’re a mark, you’ve probably said something off-air that made them think you’re a mark. And if they dug a pit in front of him, Benn is still the one who decided to stick his dick in it and make things overtly sexual.

After, the Stars stated that Benn had “reached out” the Sedins to apologize. Seguin did not reach out but was “included” in whatever Benn wrote or said. Neither of them gave a public explanation or apology. As far as I can tell the Sedins never commented on whether they received that message, what sort of apology it was, or whether they accepted it. Henrik Sedin’s only comment was, “I think it says more about them than it does about us.”

Ways that homophobia is working here:

-the idea that two men having any degree of physical or emotional closeness, even family members, is suspicious.

-Benn roomed with his brother. Course he did. The hosts spell out what he was afraid of: that the other men in the room might think he had the wrong vibe. He was so afraid of them thinking he had unmanly vulnerabilities like liking his own brother that he misrepresented the situation and pushed someone else forward.

-the idea that a man having any relationship to another man’s physical body or appearance, is suspicious.

Dressing or looking too similar to another man—which means you’ve paid attention to how another man’s body looks in order to copy him, like you’re trying to take ownership of his body, which = fucking him—is a really common accusation. Gay men are seen as lusting after and trying to copy other men’s real masculinity for themselves (but of course never quite succeeding). A man thinking that another man who he knows or suspects to be gay looks too similar to him, and so must have been watching and ‘copying’ him, is a common spark for homophobic attacks.

-the idea that any of this could have been a joke depends on the idea that two men having sex is wacky and unrealistic. Imagine if that happened, wouldn’t that be weird.

Now, someone might say, “It’s not that gay sex is wacky, it’s that the incest that is!” First, incest accounts for a lot of childhood sexual abuse, so I wouldn’t say it’s wacky either. And while it’s true that people can say awful things to different gender twins as well out of a combination of gender prejudices, in this case there were also homophobic ideas about men and masculinity at play.

Ways that power is working here:

-People forgot this fast. It was treated as settled because the Stars said it was settled. People gave “kudos” to Benn “doing the right thing” afterward, or for seeming to realize what was happening and not saying yes to the final question.

 I would argue that “I don’t know, I can’t say” is somehow a worse answer to a yes-or-no question, because it means that either you want to say yes but you’re scared of the consequences, or you sincerely don’t know what to say. All he had to do was say “No.” After he said “I don’t know,” Seguin continued and said, “They are weird.” If Benn had said, “No, actually they’ve been professional when I’ve worked with them and I won’t comment any more on their personal life,” Sequin might have noticed, and Benn might have encouraged him to change his behavior. Not saying “no” was a direct, demonstrable failure to show any kind of leadership.

-This counts as workplace sexual harassment. I’m not saying a case should have been pursued: that should have been at least partly up to the Sedins (although there should also be workplace rules about what is and isn’t acceptable without the victims having to ask for it). But that’s a word we can use for this, this could have been counted as that. Sexual harassment are actions based on a person’s gender, assigned sex, sexual activity, or other qualities related to sex, not just sexual attraction. I worry that often, conflicted feelings about putting people into the category of “Sexual Harasser” lead people to think that actions “aren’t bad enough” to be sexual harassment when they definitionally can be. In other lines of work, if you talk about your coworkers fucking their twins in the office, there are rules about that: at the very least, you’ll be getting a bunch of trainings and be moved to a part of the office where you won’t see them again.

In the NHL, it seems frighteningly clear that people don’t have recourse for sexual harassment. This was discussed and handled as a “childish insult”, not harassment against two coworkers/employees. Often, there’s a logic that something is just an insult, not a ‘real’ threat, because the person who did it couldn’t possibly be sexually attracted to the person they did it to.

-In 2015 Eric and Jordan Staal were living in identical houses outside Raleigh and ‘playing’ together every night. Seems super suspicious. Unless beefy Canadian boys’ behavior is normal, and European masculinity always has to be questioned as being softer-spoken, slimmer, more intellectual, scared of heavy hitting. There are a lot of reasons you might not call Eric Staal gay—maybe you know he’s bigger than you, more successful on Team Canada than you, more popular with the other Team Canada guys than you. Or maybe you just don’t look at him and think he could be gay. Or both. Eric is positioned so you’d have to punch up at him: Benn tried to position himself closer to that kind of social standing, by pushing someone else who already doesn’t quite fit in further out. This isn’t directly in the words, so I’m not all-out accusing them of xenophobia: what I mean is that it’s always worth asking if and how and why feminization is applied to Those Other People.

There’s the eating out thing. Which he sent to teammate Jason Demers, commenting “I feel like your (sic) the kind of guy who would”.

How misogyny is working here:

-the idea that this could have been funny or interesting or worth saying at all depends on the idea that vulvas are weird. Imagine if someone willing touched a cis woman with anything but their dick. Gosh.

-There’s no good explanation for what ‘the kind of guy who would’ was meant to mean. No one says, ‘Hey, do you do this widely mocked sex act? I don’t, but I think you would, and that’s cool and doesn’t affect your masculinity at all, bro, life is a rich tapestry.’

How power is working here:

-This counts as sexual harassment again. Even if asking a coworker (or really more like someone you shift-manage or who reports to you) ‘how do you fuck your partner?’ wasn’t, saying ‘you seem like you would do ___’ is. Again, I’m not saying that Demers has to feel that way about it, but he should have had options.

-Demers was also in a new relationship at the time, so this could be harassment to both him and his partner, who had no recourse when someone her partner has to work with/for comments on her body.

-I don’t think it was intended as sexual harassment. But there’s not really a nice explanation of what he meant to say. It seems like it was intended as an insult or a ‘warning’: ‘this is the way men are allowed and no allowed to be in our group, do you know your place?’

Around that time, the Stars shared a video of Benn, Seguin, and Valeri Nichushkin. Each were supposed to say a couple lines, including their name. Valeri pronounced his nickname ‘Vall’, with a native Russian accent, more like “Wall” in English. Each time Benn and Seguin laughed and questions him and the producer cut. After a couple takes Benn said, “I thought your name was ‘Val.’” 

Sequin physically turned away from Nichushkin and laughed. Nichushkin, not understanding the comment, and not laughing, turned to Benn for an explanation, but Benn only turned toward Seguin, both continuing to laugh.

It was part of a pattern of comments from observers: “If Tyler Seguin and Jamie Benn are having a laugh in the locker room, Nichushkin can only guess what’s so funny.” They themselves commented on how “His English is really not good at all…A lot of times we find him just sitting there.” “(In) normal conversations, he doesn’t really know what’s going on.”

I’ll give them credit—they said they felt pity and “try to help” too. I just can’t find any examples of them doing it, compared to teammates like Sharp or Spezza who can more concretely describe spending time with him.

Nichushkin chose to burn contract time in the KHL rather than Dallas before being bought out, expressing that he no longer felt like he “belonged in the NHL.” He felt that the Stars didn’t “trust” in him, was “nervous” in the locker room, and said his family worried for his mental health because of the culture.

“There is a bit of it because I want to be part of the conversation when someone says something,” Nichushkin said. “But I don’t have enough words I know so I can join in.”

-Is it the worst xenophobia in the world? Nah. It’s not free from xenophobia, when the only joke is that someone speaks differently than you. It’s not Benn joking about his own misunderstanding to invite Nichushkin in. I often point to Tripp Tracy, who asks players to teach him words in their language and then sets up jokes about his accent so they can deliver the punchline and laugh with him.

-Is it bullying? It kind of came off like it, to make a joke about someone you know can’t understand. At least it was unnecessary, and unkind. It’s just reminding someone they don’t belong.

-It’s unimpressive. It’s deflecting. Oh, he doesn’t know what’s going on? What did you do to tell to him? My family communicate through a mix of finger-signing, Scrabble tiles, and interpretive dance: I guarantee you, if you can’t communicate concepts like “we’re going to get dinner now, you’re welcome here, we’re having fun!”, you’re not trying. Which is fine, I guess, you don’t have to talk to people, unless it’s like, your job to work with your teammates.

Wanting to ban trans*feminine athletes from competition is based on a complete misunderstanding of math, medicine, and athletics; it’s unnecessary, unethical, and unkind.

It’s an unsurprising continuation of the ideas that there’s a line between men and women and transgressing it is suspicious, that women are gross, that people who are different are shocking and funny, that social pressure can and should be used to remind people who are different that they don’t belong.

It’s a fascist use of power, which I don’t say to mean that “He is A Fascist in every sense,” but that those beliesf express a desire and a comfort with using power to control other people’s bodies, and which bodies have access to certain spaces, to maintain “purity”.

I’m not saying that anyone should have looked at any of these things and easily decided in that moment, “That’s it, he’s shouldn’t have a platform or power over other players, he’s irredeemable.” You might look at a couple of them and think, “That’s not even a problem at all.” I’ll agree to disagree on some of them, but my point is about a pattern of how this dude uses the power he’s given.

I have a phrase, or more a series of words I sometimes yell when I’m talking about subjects like this—“STRUCK A TIM HORTONS.” I shout this in commemoration of the time that Ryan O’Reilly got drunk and drove his pickup into the wall of a small town Ontario Timmies.

“Struck a Tim Hortons” is a very good phrase to read in a police report. And, also, I’m an ACoA. I’ve experienced impaired driving, I’m terrified to shaking of it, and I know that other people have experienced much worse consequences. This isn’t a perfect metaphor (it’s not an example of prejudice or violence against a class of people, etc) but my point is that I try to hold it in my heart because that’s one case where I know what it’s like to really, really want something to just be NBD. Where part of me wants to just think it was a funny mistake so I don’t have to really think about the serious implications of it, and part of me super doesn’t. I have an instinct to resolve those feelings, to come down and decide that it’s either insignificant enough that I don’t have to think about it, or significant enough that I can hate him and then also stop thinking about it, and then I can have the relief of feeling just one feeling at a time.

I don’t think it’s bad to feel conflicted learning something about someone. I think it’s important.

But the problem is that if one thing isn’t significant enough, and we decide to keep thinking someone is fundamentally Good, we often toss that thing out. So when another thing happens, we only look at the new thing, trying to decide: is this enough? And that next thing might not be enough either. So we can go on and on, until you add up to a lot of things that have each done some harm, but none of them have been enough to change how we see and talk about someone.

Now I, personally, decided that the Timmies wasn’t so bad that ROR couldn’t ever make it up to me. But I didn’t decide to feel fine about it: I tried to just put a pin in how conflicted I felt. It’s been years, and over the years I think his actions have showed meaningful change. He hasn’t struck a Starbucks, a Dunkin, or even a Caribou. There’s a pattern.

I think a lot of people who don’t really like the things Benn says or does or believes have given him a lot of chances to make up for them, because they don’t want him to really mean those things. By which I really mean that I know there are a lot of women and queer fans who liked the guy. I get it (I don’t actually get it get it, but I mean I can try to understand people coming from a very different place than I do about him). 

I’ve read a lot of ways that people who are themselves vulnerable in our society try to empathize with him by imagining him as vulnerable too--he’s also experienced fatphobia, homophobia, he wasn’t expected to succeed, etc! I think that’s a wonderfully human instinct. But often I think people have more empathy for those experiences than he expresses for himself--he agrees that it was Bad to be fat and he’s Worked Hard to fit into the masculine norm, he agrees that it’s Bad to be close with another man and works to avoid it--and certainly more than he has showed in his actions toward others. If you’re going to say I hate him for saying that, I don’t--I want him and everyone in our society not to feel and do this shit!

I see a lot of people starting from the idea he is a good leader trying really hard to spin his choices as a smart strategy when he plays dumb with media, when he doesn’t give specific action plans or give public statements or apologies. (I actually agree with the first one, I think it is a strategy for him to avoid transparency and not do a part of his job that he doesn’t want to do.) It just…it seems like a lot of work to reach a pre-determined goal. It’s okay to like someone and for them to still not be good at their jobs! When I say I think a guy’s not a good leader, that’s not always the same as saying he’s a bad person. And if we keep on promoting a guy as a good leader because we like them regardless of their demonstrated leadership skills…that’s how we end up with a lot of shitty policies in the NHL.

Over the years he has consistently avoided stepping up to his captaincy and using his personal power to say things like, “No,” “Tyler, cut it out,” “This is what I’m going to do to fix a problem,” or “I believe in…” anything, really. 

I really, really want to ask people to be mad as hell and advocate for the NHL to improve its code of conduct and harassment processes. I do. But I’m also tired. I don’t think, if I did ask you that, it would work. I don’t have an argument for why you should be mad at someone who’s mad at my existence. I’m not trying. I just want to encourage you, if you’re feeling the tug of feelings and just want to be able to simplify someone’s behavior and love them in simple terms, to put a pin in the more complicated parts, and remember them the next time, and look for patterns.

[breadboylovin]

NEW POST FOR MY 95060 PLAYLIST!!! complete with explanations of every song choice under the cut because i love explaining my own creative decisions for some reason (PLEASE DO NOT FEEL COMPELLED TO READ ALL OF IT IF YOU DONT WANT TO ITS VERY LONG LOL). i may add a few songs here and there later on, or more likely rearrange what i've already put in slightly, but for now i consider it done.

alright now heres a look into my twisted mind

PART 1: TEMPTATION

Franz Ferdinand - Michael: It's a song about seducing someone named Michael. What more can I ask for (serious explanation is that it’s also very homosexually charged like you just have to listen to it… also feels taunting in a way where it’s like ‘oooooh you want me so bad’ and he’s RIGHT Michael DOES want him so bad). Also credit to this post for letting me know this song existed and inspiring me to make this playlist in the first place :-3

Mystery Skulls - Paralyzed: Just another song about how Michael is awestruck by David and feels compelled to follow him for whatever reason (the reason is that he wants him so bad)

TAEMIN - WANT: This is one of three Taemin songs on here because I think if David survived until present day he would fucking LOVE Taemin. Anyways this is a song about knowing you’re hot shit and everyone wants you and I think after seducing Michael through fucking?? Fatal motorcycle races and evil noodle mind tricks??? David deserves to feel that

Glass Animals - Gooey: OHGHGHGHFH THIS SONG… the vibes are impeccable on this one, Dave Bayley’s alluring voice feels like a slight remix of what David is going for and the way it feels like the singer is trying to convince the listener of something (even though it’s purposely vague) just FEELS like David with Michael. The line “I can’t take this place, I can’t take this place/I just need to go where I can get some space” especially fits when imagining how Michael is new to Santa Carla and may want a place to belong that David and the boys are happy to provide

TAEMIN - Impressionable: I see this as the moment that Michael downs the bottle of “wine”, where this song is David’s internal monologue reveling in how easy it was to charm Michael and get him to join. I always thought this sounded like a taunting villain song so it just fits. Also it’s like ridiculously horny which is a plus

PART 2: THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF

MGMT - Me and Michael: In my head this is directly after Michael drinks the “wine”, and if it were an actual song in the movie, it’d play instead of Cry Little Sister in that scene. I already made art related to this but I really just love the juxtaposition between something that Michael will later see as horrible (becoming a half-vampire) and David seeing it as a perfect slow-dance moment. Also “Me and Michael, it’s not a question now” because the blood drinking has now linked them together… mmmmm. Credit to this post again for making me find this song!!

ALI - DESPERADO: This one is less about David and Michael specifically and more about how the night in the cave went down for everyone there, starting with a soft slowness as they ate and then descending into chaos as Michael downs the wine and they celebrate a new addition to the pack. The bacchanal energy is off the charts

Dorian Electra - Man to Man: This song is just one that I attribute to all of the boys because I think they do a lot of homoerotic sparring. Also the part of the movie where Michael punches David in the face and David just goes >:-3 back at him

Chase Atlantic - Friends: I don't know what it is about this one but it just Hits… The chorus kinda sounds like David and the boys trying to convince Michael to stay with them instead of coming back to human society after drinking the blood, in the same sort of taunting manner that they had when David (presumably?) made Michael hallucinate the bike lights and sounds outside of his house

Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer: THIS SONG IS JUST REALLY GOOD. I don't know what it is about this one either… I guess the “Maybe I should hate you for this/Never really did ever quite get that far” part could represent the first glimpse of Michael’s more conflicted feelings about David. Also the second half of verse 2 not only fucks so hard but could also be indicative of Michael’s repressed gay feelings, lying to himself about how he wanted to be around David because he’s cool or whatever but he actually just has the hots for him and would let him do anything if he asked to

MGMT - Little Dark Age: Mostly here just for vibes. Have y’all seen that one edit set to this song? Yeah

The Neighborhood - Prey: I feel like this song captures the general unease that Michael feels right before he sees the boys kill for the first time, knowing that he’s probably turning into a vampire and something horrible is happening… especially with “Something is wrong, I feel like prey” just generally describing what it must feel like to be a human among vampires (though he’s not fully human anymore at this point)

PART 3: REALIZATION + FIGHTING BACK

TAEMIN - Criminal: YET ANOTHER TAEMIN SONG!!!! It’s all about realizing you're with someone who’s like, an evil manipulative villain and genuinely bad for you but you can’t escape just yet because you’re kinda into it. I don't think David is THAT bad of a guy, but Michael could be like “I need to get out of this situation because this man is a vampire but I feel attracted to him and it’s hard to really get away”. Also the line “My hands holding yours that stabbed me are not clean either” just HITS cus Michael hates David’s vampirism but HE’S a half-vampire now so it’s not like he’s innocent either. This is just a really good 95060 song AND a good song in general, listen to it even if you don't normally like K-pop cus it slaps

Glass Animals - Wyrd: This would be the moment where Michael snaps out of it and just starts running away, but to no avail, because he’s still a half-vampire (“You can’t run so you must hide” meaning that he can’t outrun his new monstrous nature, the best he can do is hide it until it eats him alive). Meanwhile David laments over how this is a stupid decision from his perspective (“So, my friend, our time is done/You and I could’ve had so much”)

Moonface - Minotaur Forgiving Theseus: This is a very veeeeery bitter song from Michael’s perspective about David being a vampire… with the “You’re just a hitman” repetition referencing how David. Y’know. Eats people. And the “I heard you're coming for me now” references both how David first approached him and the impending confrontation

The Neighborhood - The Beach: This song goes from the bitterness of the previous one to a pseudo-acceptance of the end of their brief friendship and what’s inevitably going to happen next. However, I think the bridge of the song illustrates the little bit of Michael that doesn’t want this to happen, that wants this relationship to somehow work out because he cares about David even if he is a vampire (unfortunately he ends up repressing this because he feels a duty to kill David now)

Gorillaz - Rhinestone Eyes: This is mostly in here because of the music video, the buildup to a battle just echoes in my head whenever I hear this song now. In the context of this playlist it makes me imagine David looking up at the Emerson’s house from the hotel (and Michael doing the opposite) knowing that something’s about to happen and it’s going to be horrible

Glass Animals - JDNT: This entire song feels like the climax of the movie. Verse 1 feels like the Emersons and Frogs getting ready to attack the cave (“I’m all armored up”) with “I feel that final poke” being when Marko gets staked, and the chorus right after is a tinge of regret that Michael feels once the plan starts to take shape. Verse 2 is the other boys waking up to see that Marko is dead + them dying themselves (“Where my funny friends gone?”) and the bridge is Michael and David’s fight before Michael finally gores David on the antlers. The outro of “You can’t breathe without me” VERY much feels like David taunting Michael from beyond the grave, knowing how much Michael loved him and how horrible what he’s just done is

PART 4: GRIEF

The Brazen Youth - Burn Slowly/I Love You: Ooooooghghgh the conflicted feelings about their relationship is STRONG in this one… The “Burn Slowly” part being him trying to convince himself that he did the right thing by killing David while the “I Love You” part is him realizing that he really did love David and it fucking hurts

Sufjan Stevens - The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us: MAN. MAN… Everything past “I can’t explain the state that I'm in” is just so… it’s Michael realizing what he had even more and just how much it hurts that he’s lost it. He knows he was in love now and it fucking hurts SO MUCH!!!!!

Sufjan Stevens - The Only Thing: [head in my fucking hands] Michael moping around Santa Carla because it feels empty without David. All the ���should I tear my eyes out now?/Should I tear my heart out now?” parts oh my GOOOOOOOOD sufjan stevens i'm going to slap you on the head.

Paramore - Tell Me How: THIS SONG HURTS SO MUCH ITS SO. It’s another one about conflicting feelings so theoretically it should be earlier in the story but I always envision something very morbid when listening to this (and have now written a fic about it so check that out)… Michael going back to the hotel where he put David’s body and musing to no one, asking how he’s supposed to feel now, the “And always coming to your defenses” where Michael keeps defending David and their relationship to his family who all think David was a horrible monster… this song fucking hurts. Also I unintentionally drew a parallel between JDNT’s “You can’t breathe without me” and this song’s “Do I suffocate or let go?” and now that I’ve realized that it hurts even more. Fuck this song

[wardensantoineandevka]

The Nein as quotes from Polygon’s Unraveled

Because @hit-it-or-crit-it urged me I totally should get around to doing this after our brief discussion on the Nein and Unraveled after my screencap redraw, here it is—

Beau: “Listen to these quotes: ‘All warfare is based on deception,’ ‘If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him,’ ‘Steal their hats.’”

A strong contender: “But do I regret reading the Geneva Conventions? Of course not. Knowledge is its own reward. Could I really call this an Unraveled if I didn’t spend a whole day reading 224 pages of dense legalese for no good reason? Of course I couldn’t.”

Caduceus: “And if you have bugs in your house and you make the conscious decision to WANT those bugs in your house, they aren't pests, they're pets...s.”

A strong contender was: “[authoritatively] And that is no good, is it? [earnest] Is it? I actually have... um, I'm a little confused right now.”

Caleb: “With all the spell-casting and shouting you must do as Dragonborn, who really has time to read all these books? I do. Apparently.”

I absolutely agree that “God has cursed me for my hubris, and my work is never finished.” is absolutely a Caleb quote. I hear you—I hear your questions constantly. However, is it not just the state of wizardry in which you are cursed by God for your hubris? I opted for a more specific Caleb vibe, and that is books.

Fjord: “It's very hard to cuddle with someone when there's an inferiority complex between you.”

Now, I know "But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany. ‘I am going to throw myself into the sea.’" is PEAK Fjord. I even did a quick screenshot redraw for it. But, also, this choice encapsulates WHY Fjord is going to throw himself into the sea—will someone please let Fjord cuddle every single one of his friends? Also, “I fully expect my boss, Tara Long, to put me out of my misery when I stop being useful. That's good management.” and “I know how much it would disappoint my friends if I changed my appearance.” were also strong contenders. Fjord is just, honestly, a pile of BDG quotes.

Jester: “[holding cat] So, here is Zuko, Barbarian class level 63. I love him with all my heart, and he loves me just the same. [gets whacked in the face by cat]”

Folks probably expected the one about cults: “And before you get upset with me saying, ‘Brian, aren’t you just starting a cult?’, look at this question answered by cutegirlcorr! Technically speaking, religions and cults are the same thing!” But, I can never turn down a good Sprinkle joke. And it feels like it better captures Jester’s energy.

Molly: “If I can't be accurate, I sure as hell am gonna be extra.”

A strong contender: “They'll see me as an artistic genius that's right and incomparably handsome.”

Veth: “[exasperated laughter] The Red Bull's wearing off.”

Veth is just the entire video where Brian searches for the hottest Castlevania monster. Just pick any quote out of that video: “[holding up image of Slogra] If you're not attracted to this, you're wrong.”, “That hyena can get it!”, “If someone comes up to me and introduces themselves to me as Duke Mirage, my pants are already off.” But, I feel the exhausted oh shit of this choice better captures Veth outside of her being thirsty for Mr. Minotaur.

Yasha: “When I was a kid, my mom thought I had a nutritional deficit because I kept wanting to eat mushrooms so much, like I only ate mushrooms for a whole week.”

A strong contender: “And finally we are cutting all of the recipes that include monster parts because we all know the true monster is man. [long stare into camera] And cannibalism is frowned upon in New York.” I just felt the chosen more captured the almost dead-pan and strange whimsy Yasha has.

Bonus:

Essek: “Why does no one understand the time break except for me, Brian David Gilbert? Why am I the only scholar in time break studies?”

Strong alternatives are “And if you'll excuse me, I have to go do my dark bidding in these spreadsheets.” and  “That starts in stage one of all villains: you have to be contacted by a future version of yourself.”

Yeza: “Acid man was meant to be a chemist. What's he good for, titrations? [beat] That's a chemistry joke.”

Trent: “Once you've got that boy under your possession, time to get real into unethical science.”

The Bright Queen: “You sweet summer child. You babe swaddled in the cashmere blanket of ignorance.”

Dairon: “‘When you love what you do, you never work a day in your life,’ but that’s bullshit. I love what I do, and let me tell you something—I’ve worked some days.”

Yussa: “Come on in. Hope you're not as big of an asshole as the past few of your friends.”

[the-bees-knives]

Hi yes hello. I saw that you rebloged the oc ask thingy and I'll be ordering for the whole table. Can I get a 2, 3 ,5, 7, 9, 10, 12, 13, 16, 17, 19, 20, 21, 32, 34, 37, 41, 45, 48, 50, 51, 55, 60, 65, 68, 69, 70, 73, 78, 83, 87, 89, 93, 96, 98, and 99? All for Biscuit. (IM REALLY REALLY SORRY I JUST WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THEM 😭)

This got real long... answers under the cut!

2. What are their favourite possessions? Why? (sentimentality, history, price, etc.)

His favourite possession... is you! ✋👁👁

Jokes aside, Biscuit isn't too materialistic. However, he does like the hairband he uses for his braid; it was a gift from his mother! The bow he wears around his neck is also a remnant of a modification of his uniform from his previous place of work. Biscuit used to work both as a mascot and a cook (it would switch depending on the situation) at his family's diner (restaurant? i don't know the term), and he added it because he thought it looked cute (also he couldn't do anything too feminine :( so this was the best he could do).

I will note that the cutlery embedded into him is not a part of his favourite possessions, despite his unwillingness to part with them. They're more like a part of his body, I guess?

3. Do They get jealous easily? If so, what usually causes it?

If Biscuit formed an attachment to someone and then saw them with someone else, he'd be wary of the new person, if not jealous. They'd have to become acquainted with Biscuit to ease him, though that might not always work. He'd still probably try to drag his companion away. Basically, he's pretty protective (possessive?) over those he likes.

5. What's their reputation like? Does this reputation contrast what they're really like?

I'm not sure how others would see him. Either it's "eccentric cosplayer (who's really in character)" or "weird dude". Probably the first one, as normal people couldn't survive with knives in their body for that long. Mostly Biscuit's just a weird dude though.

7. What's their "type"? What romantically attracts them to another person?

Biscuit doesn't really have a preference on appearance, it's more based on personality. Either it's someone who can care for him or someone who's just as feral/zero-braincell'd as him. He normally takes care of his victims, but he doesn't see that as attraction; it's more like caring for cattle before you eat it. If someone cared for him though, he'd be into it. As for the other one, it's just a feral power couple; both can be absolutely insane together (Run).

9. If they could change one part of their appearance, what would it be?

Spine that can turn 180 degrees. Reasoning: he has to sleep on his stomach because of the knives, but then his feet are bent uncomfy while on his stomach. Rotate spine for comfy feets. Plus, it'd be a cool party trick.

10. What's a simple thing that brings them joy?

Pets/physical affection. (Unfortunately, by unintentional design, this man is Unpettable.)

12. What's their position in their friend group? (leader, mom friend, chaos goblin, etc.)

The chill goblin: you can sit with him and have a nice hat, but if anything gets the interest of his one (1) braincell, he will go absolutely feral.

13. How forgiving are they? What do they consider unforgivable?

I think he's pretty forgiving, considering. If you attacked him, he'd probably consider it as play-fighting or something. He won't like it if you mess with his personal belongings, but he'll forgive you if it's for a good reason (for him) or if you give it back.

As for the things he'd find unforgivable, touching the two knives sticking out of his head is an absolute no-no. (The ones in his shoulders are sort of meh; he won't like it if you touch them, but he won't try to kill you for it.) The knives in his head are really sensitive, so he'll become agitated quick and snap if you try to move or remove them.

16. What food do they absolutely hate?

fish yucky >:(

17. Do they show a lot of affection, or are they pretty reserved?

If Biscuit had an s/o or a good friend (you know, people he's not interested in for food), he'd be pretty affectionate; he likes them and wants to show it! He might get a little close though, so make sure to set (and remind him of) personal boundaries.

19. What's their unusual quirk?

I don't know why, but I imagine that Biscuit can bleed infinitely. If you were to remove any of the knives embedded into him, the wound will just keep bleeding until they're inserted back in. I don't really have an explanation for this, but he is a human, so??? I just think it's neat.

20. Are they easy to wake up in the morning, or grouchy and sleepy?

While Biscuit does get up early, he's particularly lazy and groggy. It's kind of like those moods where you want to go back to sleep, but you can't because your body's awake.

21. What's their ideal date like?

Anywhere really, so long as his s/o is giving him attention.

32. What are they like at parties? Party animal, or awkwardly sitting in the corner drinking punch and reading?

Party animal, except everyone else is sitting in the corner trying to avoid him. He doesn’t really think before speaking, so he says whatever without any filter. (Plus, the knives don’t help. No, he won’t remove them.)

34. What’s their favourite drink? (Coffee, tea, juice, hot chocolate, soda, etc.)

Biscuit is a milkshake lad. His favourite is strawberry-banana!

37. Are they a hopeless romantic, or is that stuff just not for them?

Biscuit has a “love-at-first-interaction” mentality, like if someone shows genuine interest in him, then he wants to be with them and chases that feeling (and them).

41. What would they dress up as for Halloween?

Bold of you to assume that he’d even need a Halloween costume.

All jokes aside though, Biscuit has No Patience to put a costume together (or even look for one), so he’d probably just go with his normal wear. People have already mistaken the knives as cosplay/props anyway, so it’s just less work, instant results.

(He does have the old mascot suit, but he can’t wear it anymore without it hitting the knives.)

45. Are they always late, on time, or early?

None of the above, he forgot that event was today.

48. How dramatic are they?

Biscuit’s not the type to start drama, nor is he extremely emphatic (is that the word?) with his speech. He’s just kind of vibing.

50. Why would they be a good partner for a road trip?

Fun(?) to do activities with; will probably suggest random stuff to do if there’s no set itinerary (will probably suggest it anyway). If you’re looking for a spontaneous road trip, he’s your guy.

51. Why would they be a BAD partner for a road trip?

Will Never Sit Still; must be kept under watch constantly, otherwise he’ll run off to who knows where. (Just keep him on a leash or something)

55. Choose a vine you think perfectly encapsulates their character.

This video has pretty strong vibes of brainrot, so I think it's appropriate.

60. What sappy thing will they cry at? (romance movies, cute cat videos, etc.) Would they deny crying about it later on?

Biscuit loves all types of animals, especially furry ones (so dogs, cats, bats, rats… bean toes are a plus). So he’d absolutely cry if shown cute pet videos and gush about how precious and baby each one is. No denial either, if you confront him about it, he’d just justify it by gushing about them more. (He doesn’t have any pets of his own though. I wouldn’t trust him with a pet.)

As a side note, if he found out his victim was a beastkin or could turn into an animal or something, he’d be really conflicted on whether to harm them or not, but would ultimately decide against it.

65. Do they give people a lot of nicknames?

Biscuit isn’t creative enough to make genuine nicknames. However, if he forgot your name (and he probably would), he’d just name something off of your appearance (“pink jacket”, “shark guy”, things like that).

68. Are they easy to fluster? What would you have to do to truly fluster them?

Biscuit can only really be flustered by people he likes or people that he thinks are close to him. He’ll melt and nuzzle you if you surprise him with something nice, physical or otherwise :)

69. What’s their dream vacation like?

Go to the countryside and run around and be feral. Then chill in the evening and take a bath, because he needs to make sure his knives are clean.

70. Are they a good liar?

Biscuit doesn’t even try to lie. He’s really impulsive, and he doesn’t see what’s wrong with what he does. If he tried to lie, it’d be stupid/simple and obvious that it’s a lie, but he’d stick to his guns and insist that it’s true. Though, his voice/expression wouldn’t fluctuate, so you’d have to believe either in common sense or him.

73. Are they more book smarts, or street smarts?

Street smarts; this man’s head is empty (except for the two knives in there but).

78. What’s something they’re really bad at?

Almost anything that involves careful planning and concentration to complete. Things like puzzles or sewing; if it doesn’t give immediate satisfaction, then what’s the point?

The only things that Biscuit does pay attention to are cooking and, by extent, caring for his victim (as they’re a part of the cooking process).

83. What are they like as an s/o?

Loyal and (possibly) clingy. Will want to accompany you for days, then vanish out of thin air due to impulsiveness (will absolutely forget to feed his victim during this time, if he has one). Forgets about physical boundaries, but means well (trying to show affection).

Biscuit’s love languages are, in no particular order: physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. Personal hug-buddy that can cook :)

87. Do they like spicy food?

Yes he does! I like to imagine that he incorporates spice from time to time into his dishes. I don’t know what his tolerance would be though due to lack of experience (I will perish).

89. What would they get into a petty argument over?

Which animal is the best? Answer: it’s all of them. (Though he does have a preference towards furry animals, he tries to be unbiased in this argument.)

93. What type of movies do they like to watch?

Both gorey horror movies and feel-good movies (especially if they have animal protagonists). They’re just fun to watch.

96. What’s their sense of humour like? (Dad jokes, morbid humour, basic knock-knock jokes, stand-up comedy, etc.)

Physical humour, stand-up, and maybe surreal humour. Anything else might be too complex for him.

98. How competitive are they?

He’s not very competitive on his own, though if someone challenges him to a contest, he’s still going to try to beat them for the satisfaction of it. Don’t challenge him to a contest if you want to have chill times with him.

99. What would they wear to a formal event? Describe their outfit!

Biscuit has No Standards when it comes to social events, so he’s going as normal. If he had to dress fancy though (and if he had access to it), he’d probably just wear a simple pink dress shirt and dress pants + suspenders. Slick his hair back too. The knives stay.

(I don’t even think he can enter most shops with the knives, fake or not. I don’t know; I’ve never entered an establishment with visible knives before.)

This was a long post, so let me know if I missed anything;;

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hi hiii! I would like to order a cake! >.<

First of all thank you for the matchup (for haikuu) I am a 5’3 girl with long light brown hair and green eyes. I am a pisces sun and rising and a leo moon. My personality type is isfj but I am an ambivirt. I’m mostly atttacted to guys but i’m happy with anyone. I am kind to everyone I meet and I am loyal to my friends. My friends describe be and bubbly and in the clouds lol but when I need to I can be hardworking and tend to be a perfectionist. I tend to be attracted to people who are funny/joke around and like adventures/push me out of my confort zone but I also like chill relaxed time. I’m dyslexic and have ADHD and deal with anxiety with a social aspect and because of that I get tics sometimes. I am super spiritual and have a major plant obsession and loveee crystals. I like all types of art and fashion and enjoy playing video games with my friends. I kin kenma with a little bit of owkawa and bokuto. I hope you have a lovely day >.<

🍰 for @akiranolegs

Romantic Matchup

Daichi Sawamura

How yall met

You were actually friends with noya and tanaka

And when some members of the team needed tutoring

They suggested that you helped tutor them all

So daichi approached you and asked if you could PLEASE help the team

And you agreed

Daichi always supervised your study group

Only because your group consisted of Tanaka,Noya,Hinata,and Kagayama…

So yeah...problematic

But he was shocked when you were not only able to control Tanaka and noya

But somehow got Hinata and Kagayama to stop fighting

And after all those tutoring sessions he continued to talk to you

Yall starting hanging out more and eventually started dating

What they love about you

He loves that you have a very carefree personality

But can get serious if you need too

He saw the perfect example of this when you were tutoring the team

He also loves how hardworking you can be

Like if you want something your gonna work hard to get it

And he respects that trait of yours

The last thing he loves about you is how you can seem to handle the teams craziness

He's started using you as a threat to the team

“If you guys dont stop i'll call y/n in here and have her deal with you”

The team: 👁👄👁💧

What you love about them

You love that he knows your limits

He knows you have social anxiety and takes the lead in most social situations

However if its a more easy going social interaction hell push you to get more involved

You love that he shows interest in all of your interests

Especially crystals!

You gave him a necklace with an obsidian stone in it

He wears it whenever he can

(btw obsidian is the stone for strength and protection)

Sometimes you joke about it because he wasn't wearing hit when him and Tanaka crashed into each other

Favorite things to do together

He really likes to go shopping for crystals with you

Like if you mention going hell always ask to come

He loves to do cheap thrills with you

His favorite one is getting into his car with a coin and flipping it

Heads means right and tails means right

And yall just drive around listening to music

You can't even count how many times you've gotten lost playing that game

Random Hc

His favorite crystals are obsidian, rose quartz, and amethyst

You gave him one of your baby plants to take care of and he's too afraid to tell you it died

RIP plant 🌱

You tools sugas role as ‘mom’ of the team

He is now the wine aunt of the team

He has a very large crystal collection and takes a random 5 to away games or training camps

Astrology

Pisces + Capricorn

Compatibility 76%

A relationship between Capricorn and Pisces tells a story about possibilities of inspiration.

If someone like Capricorn can be pulled into a crazy love story, exciting and unpredictable, this must be done by Pisces.

In return, Capricorn will offer their Pisces partner stability, peace and some rest from their usual emotional tornadoes.

There is a fine way in which Capricorn can help Pisces be more realistic and practical, while feeling more cheerful and optimistic themselves.

Still, there are challenges in their contact, mainly represented through their love of Jupiter.

It might be hard for them to reconcile their different approaches to religion, faith and their different belief systems.

To overcome this, it is best if they both ask themselves – does their belief system work? And does one of their partners also work?

If they understand answers to these questions, they might find enough respect to leave each other’s Jupiter intact.

Friendship Matchup

Sugawara Koushi

Bark bark woof bark woof

How yall met

You also met Suga while tutoring the team

He helped you calm down everyone in your group if they got to crazy

Ngl you picked up some mom tendencies from him

Why you became friends

Although you appreciated him helping you with your study group

There was one thing that made you really like him…

After you stopped tutoring the team he legit made you a whole ass thank you basket

It had all of your favorite snacks and drinks in it

And he had wrote you a really sweet thank you letter

After he gave you that you felt bad so you gave him a thank you basket for your thank you basket

He was like 🤨 “that's not how that works but thank you so much!”

You guys really just started talking after that and became really good friends

What yall love about each other

He loves how bubbly you are!

Like when you two are together it just creates such a positive vibe

And he loves how your always down for some chaos

I stand by the fact that suga is a chaotic boy

The only difference between him and tanaka and noya is that he doesn't get caught

So you two always do some crazy shit together

And then later feel bad because tanaka and noya always get blamed for it

You love how aggressively encouraging he is

Like if you step out of your comfort zone to do something

This man is right behind you like “GET IT BITCHHHHH”

And it just hypes you up to do more things that are outside your comfort zone

Random Hc

You guys have matching bff necklaces

This one specifically

The team is kinda scared of you two

Like they're more scared of you two than Daichi

And that's saying something

One time for gits and shiggles you got that picture with the vice principles wig on daichi and put it on shirts

Yeah he was not too happy to see you two wearing those

You guys tend to get into petty arguments but tend to solve them within the day

Astrology

Pisces + Gemini

Gemini and Pisces understand each other well, and form a strong friendship.

Pisces are imaginative and sensitive, and Gemini must be careful not to hurt their feelings.

However, any arguments they have are easily forgotten, and they rarely bear ill will towards each other.

The ruling planet of Gemini is Mercury, and the ruling planets for Pisces are Jupiter and Neptune.

Mercury represents communication, and Neptune represents spiritual strength. The two star signs are very compatible with each other.

Jupiter represents knowledge and empathy. Mercury also represents intelligence and innovation. Gemini could come up with new plans often, and Pisces could always support them.

Gemini is an air sign, and Pisces is a water sign. Both partners place a lot of importance on intellect and feelings.

The partnership is filled with action, and both friends preserve a good, compliant relationship.

However, on occasions, there could be misunderstandings, aggravation, and communicative barriers between them.

Both signs have lively imagination and that keeps them going.

Even though they argue often, they resolve their differences quickly. However, the fish could easily get dejected and put down, especially if it feels that the twins don’t understand them clearly.

[pineapplesagainstpizza]

Magnus Pies: A TMA Pizza AU

-  All the entities and supernatural creatures still exist but it happens in a pizza place called the “Magnus Pies ®” established by Jonah Magnus.

- Jon is the new, under qualified manger. Very good a diffusing arguments and misinformation with customers. Practically a living coupon fraud detector. Once Martin overheard Jon use the phrase “please calm down” to a customer. Thinking that this would escalate the conversation, Martin braced himself from the kitchen. He was spooked quite a bit that the customer did calm down. He can’t tell if Jon is just that charming or if he can hypnotize people.

- Jon actually had some sliver of respect for Martin when they first met. Up until, he caught Martin whispering "Looking good little guys" to the pizzas baking in the oven. Jon has never looked at him the same since.

- Martin has mastered the customer service voice. In fact, it’s permanent. Every time he answers the phone, his voice automatically sweetens. Sasha and Tim have made fun of him for it. Working at Magnus Pies has broken him so much.

- Tim works the register. Flirts with customers so that they’ll come back. Can’t stand slow days. It’s actually Tim that makes the best pizza out of the crew.

- Ft. Sasha the pizza delivery girl. Eldritch horrors won’t stop her from delivering your pizza on time.

- Elias is the owner and hardly ever shows up.

- Instead of statement givers the customers will just overshare their supernatural encounters to the staff. Jon doesn’t think anything of people sharing their ghost stories to him. He writes it off as desperate customers craving any source of human interaction. Despite this, he remembers every tale a customer has told him.

- “Then after I kissed him, his body combusted into flames.”

“Sorry to hear that... That will be 17.89. ″

- There’s this one customer that orders questionable pizzas with special delivery instructions and has his pizza delivery scheduled every Wednesday at 5 pm. His requests went from a little strange to down right outlandish. One of his first orders, he instructed them to make a smiley face out of the pepperonis because he was “having a bad day.” One of his most recent orders was “a cheese-less pizza cheese pizza.” In the delivery instructions, he explains his doorbell is broken and suggests the delivery person to drop the pizza off in the middle of the yard and then “yell whatever feels right” to alert him of the pizza’s presence. Sasha often wonders if she has to cater to all his odd demands.

- The first time Sasha delivers to his house, the GPS malfunctioned? The customer’s house resides in a new residential area. So once she drove past the last known road, the GPS advised her to park her car and walk to her destination. She obviously ignored the computer automated voice and eventually found the house on her own. Since he always commands the delivery runner to drop the pizza outside his house, Sasha has never seen his face but the name he orders under is Micheal. (If that’s even his real name.)

- Is the pizza good? The reviews are mixed. Martin says “its fine”. Sasha thinks “it’s pretty good for the price.” Tim, on the other hand, is fully convinced that when Jonah Magnus created Magnus pizza, he had never eaten a pizza before in his life. He claims "the pizza is two hell circles away from mediocrity." If a person asked Elias, he would maintain that Magnus Pie pizza is of high quality, but the staff have never seen him eaten it before. As for Jon, he refuses to try it.

- The uniforms are pretty cute. A  transparent green tennis visor paired with a black collared shirt with logo on the right upper chest portion.

- This one time, someone spray painted a satanic circle in the parking lot and Elias botched and moaned about it for a week about how "it was driving customers away." He stops complaining about it after an angry goth boxed an old man on top of the circle one afternoon. Their fight drove in a crowd. Some people even bought a slice just to get a good view of the fight. Jon, of course, called the authorities but both parties fled before they arrived.

- Martin finds a homemade employee training tape from the 1980s hiding in the closet. It features an instructional video on how to make the pizzas but the employee or paid actress?? featured in the video disregards Magnus Pies’s official pizza guidelines™ and instead gives advice/ tips on how to cut corners (and arguably offers more valuable advice to employees). “Yeah I know the recipe calls for this much cheese but i always add to more handfuls. Most customers complain about how there isn’t nearly enough cheese -- how it’s practically tomato sauce with cheese sprinkles.” Whether it’s the dread in the lady’s eyes or the neglect of company policies, the tape is unfinished. The video cuts off after she places the pizza in the oven.

- Martin thinks the the training video is hilarious, so of course, he shares it with the rest of the staff. It’s Sasha that points out that one of the employees in the background looks like a younger version of Elias. A passionate debate breaks out on whether that person is actually Elias, but ends once Jon points out that Elias has complete heterochromia and the teenage boy in the video does not. 

- On a team building trip, Martin, Sasha, and Tim admit that they are glad Jon joined the team. Ever since he joined, the workplace has never been so lively. They all agree Jon’s presence attracts the unusual. Though he will never admit it, Jon found it touching.

- Some customers would describe the pizza joint as “eerily clean.” "The vibes are simply rancid” says one customer. Even with the speaker churning out today’s hottest pop hits (in a muffled tone), it is entirely too quiet. The atmosphere is dead,” says another. 

- “Little human activity and huge open spaces makes it somewhat spectral but the short wait times and fair food always brings me back. ⭐⭐⭐” - a google review from a town local

- One person gave them a bad review on Yelp. After they were done insulting the food, they moved on to assess the staff. “I’m usually not the type to complain/nit pick about employees but there was one that made me extremely uncomfortable. He wasn’t the warmest person, had an awfully posh accent, and sported dark circles under his eyes. When I spoke to him, his gaze was intense and unwavering. Throughout the entire conversation, he didn’t blink once. Even as a sat down, I could still feel his eyes lingering on me. I’m not an insecure person in the slightest but being watched like that, made me self conscious of my own breathing. I spun around once to see if he was staring at me, but to my surprise, he wasn’t. I may have never caught him staring at me, but I know he did. The sensation of being watched never ceased afterward. (half star emoji) ”

- Apparently, the joint has been open since the 1940s and despite the bad food and less than average traffic of customers, they’re still in business. There’s rumors that the Magnus Pie receives generous donations from Elias’s rich ex-lover that misses him dearly.

- Starring several disagreements/ arguments with customers. Just a bunch of misinformation that was spread by Elias to lure people into the building to feed the Eye.

- Sasha is late returning from a delivery one day, and after an hour they try to contact her. She’s unresponsive. Elias goes looking for her but comes back short. Later that night, they get a call from the hospital informing them that Sasha got into a car accident and fell unconscious upon impact. Sasha comes in for a shift a few weeks later, and nobody realizes she’s not Sasha. 

- The Magnus Pies’s odd reputation attracts the attention of popular YouTuber, Melanie King. She eventually becomes a regular in hopes of catching a supernatural event on camera for her channel. After experiencing a handful of odd encounters, she becomes engrossed by the place and starts working there in hopes of piecing together an explanation for the pizzeria’s paranormal activities. She later regrets this.

- has the potential to be a good tragicomedy

[actualbird]

nobody asked but here are my personal top five pat gill videos | a 2.1k word long post where i rank and review pat gill’s videos for just way too long.

Right around the tail end of April, 2020, I fell into the rabbit hole of my current obsession; Polygon Dot Com Video Content. As a consequence of this was being introduced to the phenomenon of Pat Gill. A dire consequence of that consequence was me slowly, deeply, irrevocably, finding myself attracted to this marionette of a man. So, I enjoy his content and I think he’s hot and that combined with the fact that some of my friends bully me over that latter fact has inspired me to do this: rank my personal favorite Pat Gill videos in a post that’s entirely too long.

Before I get straight into the rankings, I need to explain my process. 

First, I needed to narrow my scope. Polygon has a lot of videos. Polygon has a lot of videos with Pat Gill in them. If I didn’t narrow my scope, I would either go bonkers yonkers or have a list that would be kilometric in length and thus miss the entire point of ranking altogether. So, for my sanity, I am excluding any videos that are a part of a Polygon video series. This means no Overboard, no Gill and Gilbert, no Video Game Theatre, etc. If I included these, I would cry. I do not want to cry over Polygon Dot Com Video Producer Pat Gill.

Second, I need a criteria. If I just ranked videos with no system, I would find myself endlessly rearranging my list based on whatever thought comes out on top in my mind at the given moment. I am a disorganized person, so I need rules. I have decided that I will rank Pat Gill videos using the EEEH criteria. 

Entertainment. Do I smile, watching the video? Do I chortle? Am I filled with the embarrassing urge to show this video to my sister and derive glee from her laughing at the exact same moment I laughed? Entertainment is key.

Education. Did I come out of this video knowing something I originally did not know? More importantly, was I engaged in the learning process? I come from a family of teachers, so I have high standards when it comes to education. If I am to learn, I must learn well.

Exaltation. This is a bit of an oddball criteria, but it is important to me. The word “exalted” is defined as “elevated in rank, character, or status.” This criteria refers to how good it is at exalting, elevating, pulling me out of a depressive episode. That is to say I’ve been in a depressive episode for the past month and whether or not the video made me stop crying and brush my teeth is essential. Polygon video content has been integral to my serotonin production lately, and thus the video’s ability of acting as an audiovisual antidepressant for me factors into the rankings.

[BONUS POINTS] Hotness. How Hot Is Pat Gill In It? I felt bad, morally, ranking videos based on how good looking I thought Pat Gill was in it---because beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and all that, and people don’t exist to be beautiful, they just are, and I agree---so I’m relegating this criteria as a bonus point. Standard is 0, because he’s always hot in my mind, but he gets plus points if he is exemplary in the hotness department.

The maximum score for each of these criteria is 5 points, making the perfect score a 15, but because of the bonus points, a 20 is, hypothetically, possible. 

With that out of the way, let me dive right into it. 

5. The fastest interview ever with Ben Schwartz from Sonic the Hedgehog

Entertainment: 5 Education: 2 Exaltation: 2 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 11

Pat Gill is a good interviewer, he’s engaging and fun and keeps the interview interesting, but this interview is particularly special because it seems that, and let me quote Youtube user AudreyN who left a comment on this video stating “ben schwartz consumed all seven chaos emeralds prior to this interview.” Pat Gill and Ben Schwartz’s dynamic is amazing, and by “dynamic” I do mean “Ben Schwartz absolutely just fucking dunking on Pat Gill for 14 entire minutes.” and it is glorious.

For Entertainment this scores a solid 5. Quite honestly the funniest interview I’ve ever watched in my entire life. Just the sheer beauty in the exchange [Pat] “You would use Sonic’s power to gaslight me?” [Ben] “Just you.” In terms of Education, I guess I did learn a bunch of things about the Sonic movie that I didn’t know before, but the avenue by which it was portrayed in was not exactly the most engaging, more like I was absorbing it via watching two experts discuss on a webinar. I would have given just 1 point to Education but I made it 2 because of the wonderful knowledge that Pat Gill can draw a pretty good Sonic in a few seconds. When it comes to Exaltation, I must admit that while this video got quite a few laughs out of me, it didn’t make me want to get out of bed and take a shower. 

BONUS: Pat is +2 hot in it. His short hair makes him look very handsome. He’s a spiffy boy, in this video. Very, very good.  

4. Pat Will Not Tweet at Nintendo This Week Because He is Resting at Home — PLEASE RETWEET, Episode 12 

Entertainment: 5 Education: 0 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +1 Total Score: 11

I know I’m breaking a rule I set for myself a few paragraphs earlier by including an episode of Please Retweet, which counts as a video series, but this is my post and I can do whatever I want. More importantly, this video is so fucking funny to me, it feels like it would be a crime not to put it in this list. 

Solid 5 out of 5 for entertainment. Pat Gill, alone in his apartment, drinking six cans of what I think is beer silently while the intro music plays. That scene in itself should win an Oscar. Sadly, a solid 0 for Education, because I learn nothing in this video except for the fact that Pat Gill is the type of person to put out a coaster and then just completely not use it. I quantify things as educational if I can maybe answer a trivia question with them, and unfortunately, this fact does not pass that test. In terms of Exaltation, seeing Pat Gill lie down on the floor next to his cat made me get out of bed to do the same with my dog, and with myself thusly out of my bed cocoon of sadness, I was able to actually complete tasks on the day I watched this video. Perfect 5.

BONUS: Pat is +1 hot in this because there’s something very beautiful about him being a little bit miserable. However, I do miss his beard when I watch this video. It is one of my favorite things about him, and it is not present here.

3. Pat and Simone Play Human: Fall Flat

Entertainment: 5 Education: 1 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: 0 Total Score: 11

I very much enjoy Polygon’s gameplay streams. I often play them in the background while I’m doing other stuff like doodling or origami, but this stream is special. It is special because of the moment at 24:00 when Pat Gill, in game, swings a stereo into a glass window, shattering it, while saying, “Actually, y’know what? Let’s talk about trauma.” and then proceeds to tell a horrible and embarrassing story from his childhood where he had to do a rap about Ancient Egypt. 

5 points for Entertainment. This is partly because of Pat’s tragic childhood story about the Egypt Rap (and, segue just to point out 33:22 the incredible moment where you can hear Pat’s feral panic when Simone finds the lyrics to the Egypt Rap) but also because Pat and Simone just talking to each other is so deeply entertaining to me in a very comfy way. I’m starved for human interaction, in this quarantime, okay. Let me enjoy listening to other people have conversations while playing video games. Education scores a 1 because, again, nothing in this video will let me answer a trivia question, however it does get 1 point and not a 0 because the Egypt Rap’s lyrics are in the comments and I did end up learning stuff about Ancient Egypt that I didn’t know. A perfect 5 for Exaltation because this video showed me that talking about trauma can actually be cathartic, given that you’re trashing a video game living room at the same time, and I think that message of not bottling up your experiences really helped me, in these trying times.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for the entirety of this episode, so he scores the standard 0. I’m sure he was hot. We just couldn’t see him.  

2. Why Bloodborne and Muppets are the same thing

Entertainment: 4 Education: 4 Exaltation: 3 Hotness: +2 Total Score: 12

Ah yes, one of Pat’s “x is y because of z” videos. He’s made a number of these and they’re all very good but this one is my favorite among them and earns a spot on this list because 1) I think puppets are cool and 2) I fucking love monsters. 

This video scores a 4 on Entertainment, just shy of perfect, because as funny as it is, it also gives me the vibe like I am being lectured by a professor who’s just a little bit off the shits. And we all know that lectures are supposed to be taken seriously. Which brings us to Education, which also scores a 4. I learned a lot in this video! Watching Pat Gill explain to me that children’s puppets and these horrifying viddy game monsters use the same character principles in different ways is not only very educational but is also explained in a streamline and easy to understand manner that I WISH some of the shitty professors at my old university could emulate. As for Exaltation, while this video did give me enough energy to have a meal, I did eventually end up back in bed for the night at 8pm crying myself to sleep, thinking “I’m like the slime scholar. Used to be a scholar. Now they’re slime.” 

BONUS: Pat Gill is +2 hot here. He’s rockin that basic ass monochromatic aesthetic and I love his look dearly. 

1. Preparing for Big Boy Season in Red Dead Redemption 2 

Entertainment: 5 Education: 3 Exaltation: 5 Hotness: +3 Total Score: 16

Here we are. My favorite non video series Pat Gill video. The video where Pat Gill tries to make Red Dead Redemption 2 protagonist, Arthur Morgan, large. 

Perfect fucking 5 for Entertainment, which I’m sure many may find odd. Afterall, this video is told in a serious investigative tone reminiscent of Vox’s videos on current issues. But that’s the glory of it. The complete and utter ‘playing it straight and serious’ for a ridiculous issue in a video game. It is high tier comedy in a subtle, understated way that sings to my comedy loving heart in a melody so lovely, so wonderful, that it urged me to give this video 5 points for Entertainment. It scores 3 on Education, because I have never played Red Dead Redemption 2, nor will I ever, but now I know things about it. The information was also relayed to me in a very interesting style, via something like a crime procedural, and thus it was engaging for me to absorb all this new knowledge. Exaltation scores a perfect 5 because of this video’s beautiful end about existential smallness. No joke, but hearing Pat Gill say “Our bigness isn’t measured in pounds, but in the impact we have on the people with whom we shared the world.” deadass made me want to talk to my friends again after conversationally isolating myself for 3 days. Preparing for Big Boy Season has a special place in my heart. And there it will stay.

BONUS: Pat Gill is not visible for most of the video but he does appear for like 15 seconds in the middle of it, and guess what. He’s hot. +3 hotness. Good beardage, good hair, all in all, good Pat Gill. 

So there you have it. My five favorite Pat Gill videos. If you read this whole thing, holy shit. You’re welcome, I guess.

[jalapeno-princess]

Park Jinyoung NSFW A-Z Rated 18+

A-Aftercare

The only time Jinyoung submits and does whatever you ask of him is after the two of you make love. He is very attentive whenever it comes to aftercare and wants to make sure you’re well taken care of before either of you goes to sleep. He’ll start up a shower for the both of you but if you’re too much in pain, he’ll run you a bath. Once the two of you are done if it doesn’t end in round two then Jinyoung will blow dry your hair and change you in to one of his shirts. In my opinion, Jinyoung portrays himself to be a very strict and assertive person, but he’s extremely soft whenever it comes to you.

B-Body Part

Your neck. Jinyoung has made it known that the most attractive body part on a woman is the back of her neck. This man will purposely buy you a bunch of necklaces because he loves how elegant and classy they look on you. He also makes it known that he loves it whenever you put your hair up in a bun or a ponytail because not only can he see your pretty little face better, but because he loves looking at the back of your nape. To your dismay, he has a habit of leaving love bites all along your neck but seeing you marked up is such a turn on to him. He wants people to know your bed is spoken for.

C-Cum

He loves coming inside of you. This man is a huge fan of hitting it raw. Feeling your tight, velvety walls clench around him drives Jinyoung insane. Something about releasing his load inside of you excites him, especially if the two of you come together. However, he will only have raw sex with someone he’s in a relationship with. With that being said, if the two of you are just hooking up, he’ll come on your stomach or on your ass. It all depends on the position. If you’re sucking him off, he’ll pull out before he comes and paint your face with his warm, creamy liquid. You’ve scolded him for it a couple of times, but he makes jokes about your face being a blank canvas and his dick being the paintbrush.

D-Dom or sub

DOM. Don’t get me started. I just know this man is a dom, have you seen the way he controls JB and sometimes takes on the leader roll? Even around Jackson, Yugyeom and BamBam, he makes it known whose in charge. He’s no different whenever it comes to the bedroom. I personally get sadist vibes from him. He loves hearing you beg, loves edging you and bringing you to the peak of your climax only to stop you from orgasming. The fucker will even get you to cry from pleasure and not being able to come. If the two of you get in to an argument, good luck. Angry sex with Jinyoung is a mind blowing experience. He will degrade you, will literally fuck the shit out of you and if you really upset him, he’ll make you chase your own high. However, if you’re a good girl, he’ll give you what you deserve.

E-Experience

He knows exactly what he’s doing. I feel like he isn’t opposed to having one night stands, but he prefers to make love rather than just having sex. The longer the two of you are together, the better the sex gets. He’s very confident whenever it comes to making love; he knows exactly what to do to make you scream, to beg for more. The scratches you leave on his back are proof of how good he really is. However, he constantly asks for reassurance. He wants to make sure you’re having as much fun as he is.

F-Favorite position

Cowgirl. He loves watching you ride him. Just because you’re on top means nothing to him; he’s a power bottom. Seeing your breasts bounce as you sink up and down on his dick drives this man wild. If he feels you slowing down; whether it’s because you’re close, tired, or trying to tease him, he will roughly thrust himself inside of you. Hearing your ass clap against his pelvis every time you sit back down on him is one of his favorite sounds. He also enjoys hiding his face in your neck and biting down gently on your skin when he’s about to come. If he’s feeling adventurous, he will bring one of your titties in to his mouth.

G-Grooming

I don’t know if it’s because I feel like he’s such a classy guy (not that the other members aren’t they’re all so proper and I’m sure their hygiene is A1) but I feel like Jinyoung is completely bare down there. He’s so clean-cut and I feel like he’d want everything about him to be up-kept. Like, he has no tattoos, no piercings and not once did he ever color his hair anything other than a lighter shade of brown and I feel it’s because he wants to keep up the “innocent” and “proper” status. However, he doesn’t force you to do the same. He doesn’t care what you look like down there, he will go down on you regardless.

H-Humor

He’ll throw in a couple of jokes here and there; but for the most part he likes to keep a sensual and romantic atmosphere when it comes down to it. But if a joke that he heard pops in to his mind, or if he comes up with a pick up line while he’s pounding himself inside of you, he’ll blurt it out earning himself a soft chuckle from you. However, the playful banter never really interrupts your love making sessions and sometimes it makes it all the more enjoyable.

I-Intimacy

Making love to you is one of his favorite past times. Especially if the two of you haven’t seen each other in a while. Although he’s not a fan of pda in public, it’s a whole different thing when the two of you are alone. He’s clingy to the tenth degree. Even when the two of you are making love, he always has to be touching you, kissing you, holding you; anything that will remind him that you are real and not a figment of his imagination. Jinyoung is a huge fan of cuddling especially when the two of you are naked. Although the two of you can be doing your own things, he always wants you around.

J-Jack off

Going back to his sadistic ways, if you make him mad, or if he is jealous even if it isn’t your fault he will give himself a hand job in front of you and you’re not allowed to touch him at all. Jinyoung prefers the real thing over masturbation, but if he’s on tour or filming a movie and you aren’t around to help him, he’ll help himself find release. However, he’ll face time you or have you send him some nudes to bring him closer to his end.

K-Kink

Since he’s obsessed with your neck and because he’s the definition of dominant, he has a huge choking kink. The first time he wrapped his hands around your neck was an accident but when you clenched around him and got even tighter after the ministration, he knew it was going to be a reoccurring thing (with your consent of course). He even finds him playfully choking you when the two of you aren’t even having sex but it usually ends up in steamy and passionate love making sooner or later. Daddy kink. He loves being called daddy, especially when he’s eating you out. You have a habit of chanting it as he fucks you doggy style, so he’ll make sure to be rough with every plunge. It’s just as much of a turn on as hearing you beg is. Role play. There’s a catch to this, the two of you have to plan the role play before you have sex. One time you surprised him and bought a sexy nurse outfit with intentions of “nursing him back to health” since he was so exhausted with his back to back schedules and the two of you had such a wild time. Since that night, he’s bought you a few more outfits and even a couple of toys to make the experience all the more fun. Exhibitionism. Jinyoung loves watching the two of you having sex. He purposely chose an apartment with mirrors on the closet doors so he could watch himself fucking you. Both you and Jinyoung even agreed with filming your own home videos to watch whenever you were in the mood but weren’t together.

L-Location

He is a very private person, so sex usually happens in the bedroom or in the shower. However, if there’s a situation where the two of you are out in public and you happen to turn him on by what you are wearing, he won’t be able to make it to the bedroom and end up fucking you up against the refrigerator or up against the kitchen counter.

M-Motivation

Loves hearing you beg. It’s what gets him off. In Jinyoung’s eyes, you are the most delicate flower and he wants nothing more than to give you the world you deserve. However, something about hearing you beg for him to fuck your mouth or to blow your back out knowing the softspoken and shy person you are gets his eyes rolling to the back of his head. To your dismay, even if you do whatever he tells you to, he won’t give you what you wants just because he loves it when you beg.

N-No

He is a fan of BDSM, but only when it comes to you. You will never get this man to submit, no matter how much you ask and try to bribe him in to it. There was only one time he allowed you to dom him, and it was on your birthday. As hot as it was having you handcuff him to the bed, he hated not being in control. He also hates not being able to see and he’s sure you feel the same way, so absolutely no blindfolds. And no teasing. At all. If you’re going down on him, he will shove himself down your throat before you can even think about teasing him.

O-Oral

The only time you will get this man to beg, is when his cock is in your mouth. He loves face fucking; seeing you on your knees as his dick goes in and out of your mouth is one of his favorite sights. He knows that it must hurt, so he tries his best not to go too fast however; feeling how tight and warm your mouth is, he can’t help but want to thrust himself down your throat at a rapid pace. So he’ll ask if you can swallow him completely and if he can go faster. Prefers receiving head over giving it, but that’s only because of how good you are at blowing him. That doesn’t mean he won’t return the favor. Jinyoung is very generous when it comes to sex and he eats you out almost every single time you make love to one another. He’s gone down on you enough to know where to lick and suck that will get you screaming.

P-Pace

Depends on the situation. If he’s angry, hasn’t seen you in a while or he knows he’s going away for a couple of weeks, he won’t go easy on you. The two of you actually had to go out and purchase a new headboard because of how fast and hard your last few love making sessions have been. But if things are a bit more passionate and sensual and the both of you have time, he’ll take things slow. He prefers being able to love on your body and taking his time with you.

Q-Quickies

He’s not opposed to them, but if the two of you are able to, he would prefer making love to you. If you just so happened to turn him on, he’ll ask you to either blow him or jack him off and he’ll fuck you up against a wall if time permits him to. But if there is a situation where you turn him on and he knows you both are heading home right afterwards, he’ll just wait till then. In fact, it makes the sex even more hotter and eventful.

R-Risk

Since he is at the peak of his career with being an idol and an actor, he has no plans of having kids as of right now. He’ll suggest that you go on birth control but only if you want to. However, he makes it known that he can’t wait to settle down and start a family with you when the time comes. Also, like I’ve mentioned earlier, since Jinyoung is a very private guy, he won’t have sex where anyone could walk in on the two of you. As kinky the idea is of having someone see the two of you fucking, he doesn’t want anyone seeing you naked and in your erotic element other than himself.

S-Stamina

For someone who is constantly working, he has a very high sex drive. He just loves sex and he loves you. So even if he had a very exhausting day filled with multiple schedules, he’ll gain energy by just the thought of burying himself in between your thighs. He can go multiple rounds if you’re up for it. If anything, you’re the one that has a hard time keeping up with him.

T-Toys

He was scrolling on social media one day when he just so happened to stumble upon a remote controlled vibrator and he was quick to purchase it. As soon as it arrived, he couldn’t wait to use it on you. When he showed you what he bought, you were nervous yet very intrigued and put it inside of you. The two of you went out for lunch that day and let’s just say you had to take your food to go because you were over-stimulated and he got hard watching your fucked out expressions. Best purchase ever.

U-Unfair

Won’t let you come unless he tells you to. Jinyoung will make you work for your orgasms. Sometimes begging isn’t even enough for him. One time you threatened him by saying you’d call one of his friends to help you find your release which ended up with you calling out sick from work that week because you were in so much pleasurable pain and couldn’t feel your legs.

V-Voice

He tends to bite his lip or hide his face in your neck to prevent himself from being loud but your name will fall from his lips like a mantra whenever you ride him. You can also expect a few curses, animalistic grunts and a couple of breathy moans when you’re sucking him dry and if he’s hitting it from the back, he’ll whisper dirty things in your ear and praise you for how well you’re taking him.

W-Wild card

He has a secret folder in his phone of all the nudes he’s either taken of you or that you’ve sent to him on top of some homemade videos and audio and he finds himself looking through them while he’s away and even if you’re together. He’s just obsessed with your beauty and thinks you’re an actual goddess. Thinks you’re the most beautiful when you’re naked. Might or might not have a few nude polaroids of you in his wallet.

X-Ray

Y-Yearning

You and Jinyoung have sex almost every single day, if not every other day. The only time he really wants sex is when he can’t have it. So whenever he’s away, that’s when he craves to be inside of you.

Z-ZZZ

Although his schedules run him dry of all his energy, he’s a sucker for pillow talk. No matter how many rounds the two of you go, you can expect him to stay up for at least an hour so that the two of you can catch up on life. He doesn’t like falling asleep too early because he already feels like he doesn’t get to see you enough and he wants to spend as much time with you as possible.

[hobeymakar]

Disco Love | M. Rantanen

Words: 2,129

This is dedicated to my girl @grenawitka​

A/N: I randomly had a dream about a future significant other taking me out to a 80s-style roller disco as a date because I’m a freak who loves 80s disco a little too much. Since I’m single af and my attraction to the male species mostly revolves around hockey players, I figured I would make it about a player. Mikko was suggested by my girl @grenawitka​ and thus, this was born. In this, COVID-19 never happened and the season and offseason take place at their normal scheduled times

Warnings: excessive amounts of disco, swearing, references to sex, and light sexual content

-

You’re in your room curling your hair to try and make it look as 80s as possible. There’s a new roller disco that just opened up in Denver and you haven’t shut up about it since they announced they were opening it. It literally got to the point where you were talking Mikko’s ear off about it and since he’s a great boyfriend, he agreed to take you there on a date.

You finish curling your hair before throwing a headband over it to keep it in place and putting it into a high ponytail with a colorful scrunchie. You also put on very colorful makeup. You have a rainbow-colored leotard on with a pink skirt over it. You have leg warmers and armbands on and look like you belong in an 80s music video. You put on hoop earrings just to add to the look and take a picture to send to the WAGs group chat. The older girls definitely appreciate the look more than the younger ones who think you look lowkey ridiculous.

Before you can defend your look to the younger girls, Mikko comes out of the bathroom dressed in a dark t-shirt and shorts.

“Really babe, that’s what you’re wearing?” you scoff, not believing he didn’t even put an ounce of effort into it.

“What’s wrong with my outfit?” he whines.

“It’s basic and not 80s enough!” you huff in frustration.

You drag him into his side of your walk-in closet and you give him a whole wardrobe change. After a while, you’re satisfied with his new look, which consists of a bright muscle tank, dark 80s style joggers, and sneakers.

“Alright now go look at your look,” you inform him, gesturing to the mirror.

He takes a look at himself and grimaces. This is definitely something he would never wear on his own accord.

“You look great, baby and it’s one night to make me happy,” you assure him.

“I just hope no one recognizes me,” he grimaces thinking about being caught dead by the media wearing what he has on.

You roll your eyes at how dramatic he is and get ready to leave. After a few minutes, you leave the condo and make your way to the car. Mikko insists on driving, which is better for you because you get to control the music and like the pest you are, you play nonstop disco in the car. The entire ride you subject Mikko to the likes of Evelyn Champagne King, Donna Summers, The BeeGees, Gloria Gaynor, Chic, KC and the Sunshine Band, Fire, Diana Ross, Earth, Wind, and Fire, and more. 

After what must feel like an excruciating long time for Mikko, you finally arrive at the roller disco. The parking is shit, as it usually is in the city, so you have to park a few blocks away in a parking garage. You make the walk to the roller disco, braving the chilly air of the early September night in the city. You make your way inside the building and Mikko pays the fee for two. You then head over to the rentals to rent out old-fashioned roller skates. Mikko had wanted to bring his rollerblades, but you told him that it defeats the purpose of going to a roller disco, since it’s with old-fashioned roller skates.

“What are your sizes?” the guy working the rental booth asks, before recognizing Mikko and his face drops.

Mikko talks to the guy and lets him know their sizes. The guy wishes he could get an autograph but settles for a picture with him instead. After the exchange is done, you put on your skates with Mikko tying the laces up for you. You both then head to the hardwood rink holding hands. Since your skating isn’t the best, Mikko leads you at a much slower pace than he would go normally.

The song Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees starts playing and you feel like you’re being taken back in time to 1979 or something. You start singing along to the song as you skate alongside groups of friends and other couples.

“Aren’t you glad we’re back in Denver?” you ask him.

“Yeah, being back in Denver means a new season is starting and another shot at the cup,” he replies.

“I really believe you guys can win it this year, babe,” you assure him.

“That’s what everyone said last season and look what happened,” he replies bitterly, referring to their latest 2nd round exit. 

“Yeah well that was last season and this season is different! You guys are a year older and wiser and you’re going to make it out of the West this year!” you assure him again.

“I sure hope we do,” he smiles weakly.

“Anyway, we need to start planning our halloween outfit for this year!” you suggest, already coming up with cute couple ideas.

“Babe, it’s September,” he replies, throwing you a look.

“Yeah, I know, but we need to be the best dressed couple at the party,” you reply.

“Why don’t we just dress like we’re dressed now? I think being a 80s roller disco couple will make us best dressed at the party!” he teases.

“As long as I get to see you in tight pants,” you giggle.

“I’m not wearing tight pants, babe,” he replies.

“You’re going to wear tight pants,” you add.

The song Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough by Michael Jackson comes on and you start singing and swaying to the beat. As you get more comfortable with your skating, you start picking up your speed. Mikko starts showing off by moon-walking on his skates and doing fancy moves.

“You’re such a show off!” you whine.

“You act like you don’t love it!” he adds.

“Whatever, I’m hungry,” you reply, dragging him out of the hardwood rink and towards the concessions area. 

You both look at the menu and decide to split nachos, as well as ordering two slices of brooklyn style pizza and drinks. You wait for your food while I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor plays, with you managing to sing all the lyrics into Mikko’s ear. Your food is ready and you sit down to eat it in old-school booths that remind you of old pizzerias.

“Have you been having fun?” you ask him, afraid that he’s only pretending for your sake.

“Surprisingly it’s been fun. I’m not really into disco like you, but it’s been really fun. The old-school vibe is nice. I feel like it’s 1989 or something,” he admits with a small smile.

“Not gonna lie, I was scared you were only pretending to like it because I do. I always wanted to go to a roller disco and get that old school nostalgic experience,” you inform him.

“Well I’m glad I brought you here tonight. Does that mean I get the boyfriend of the year award?” he asks hopefully.

“You still need to stop leaving your clothes thrown all over the floor, leaving the toilet seat up every time you use it, and put in a new toilet paper roll instead of just leaving it on top of the holder for me to give you the award,” you explain, shooting him a look.

“I’m sorry,” he replies sheepishly, kissing your cheek. “I’ll be better about those things.”

He’s lucky he’s hot because you honestly would’ve killed him already from how much you have to baby him, like as if you’re his second mom. 

“Thanks I know I’m hot, but it’s great to hear you say it,” he winks, before taking a bite of his pizza.

Clearly, you said the “you’re lucky you’re hot” part out loud and you curse yourself for inflating his already huge ego.

You two finish your food before throwing out your food and heading over to the old-school arcade area. There’s a couple skeeball machines, pac-man, super mario, and a few other old-school games.

“Babe, I hope you know I’m gonna kick your ass in these games right?” you ask, as you make your way to the ticket machine.

“I don’t think so, my love. I hope you know I’m not gonna go easy on you,” he retorts, buying the tickets from the machine.

“We’ll see about that Rantanen,” you smirk, confident in your ability.

“You’re on, Y/L/N,” he adds, not backing down.

You head over to the skeeball machine and manage to kick his ass in that game.

“I thought you said you weren’t gonna go easy on me, babe,” you smirk, knowing how much he hates to lose in anything.

“I was, but I won’t be this time around,” he lies, trying to play it off.

“We’ll see about that,” you scoff.

You head over to the pac-man machine and battle against each other and Mikko manages to beat you in a very close match.

“I thought you were gonna kick my ass,” he teases, making fun of you.

You just shoot him a look and take him over to the Super Mario machine to redeem yourself. After a very close match, you manage to beat him. You two go back and forth and after playing a few more games, you record more wins and therefore are crowned the ultimate champ.

“I’d like to thank God first and foremost,” you say, giving a fake award acceptance speech.

He just shakes his head in amusement and hip checks you lightly.

“I don’t think that’s how you treat a champ, babe,” you tease, still rubbing the victory in his face.

“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m still the better skater,” he retorts, causing you to laugh in response.

You both head back over to the hardwood rink as the song Love Come Down by Evelyn Champagne King comes on and you literally start singing your heart out to the song, as you skate along with him. That song can definitely express your feelings for Mikko perfectly.

“Babe, did you know?” you ask, stifling a giggle.

“Know what?” he asks in confusion.

“That you make my love come down,” you add, before laughing.

“That was corny, babe,” he chuckles, kissing you.

“It’s true! I just can’t help the way that I feel!” you add, referencing the song again.

“You’re lucky I love you,” he groans.

“I love you more,” you smile, kissing him.

You skate for a little while longer listening to all the jams and even watch as some guys start having a battle right in the middle of the rink. After a while, you decide to head home and you return your skates back. 

You leave the roller disco and walk down the streets of Denver, getting the occasional weird looks by people for your 80s style attire. You eventually make your way back to the car. You take the aux once again and play Dancing Queen by ABBA causing Mikko to groan.

“Really ABBA? I hear enough of them from Gabe,” he groans.

“You’re acting like this isn’t a great song!” you retort, as you start heading back home.

You torture Mikko with more disco music durignt he whole drive back home. Eventually, you arrive back at the condo and go straight to the bathroom. You remove your makeup and tie your hair up before changing into one of Mikko’s old team Finland shirts with nothing underneath and heading into the room to see Mikko in bed and scrolling on his phone. He looks up and smiles when he sees you wearing his shirt. You join him in bed and straddle his waist, his hands going automatically to your hips.

“Have I told you before that I love when you wear my clothes?” he asks, his fingers running under the seam of the shirt.

“You may have mentioned it before,” you tease, running your fingers through his curls.

His hands go to your butt and he grabs both cheeks in his hands.

“Someone’s being handsy,” you tease, before rolling over onto his side.

“Such a tease,” he groans in disappointment.

“Quit whining you baby! We’re watching a movie tonight and I’m picking,” you inform him.

He hands you the remote and you choose Saturday Night Fever, the iconic 1977 disco movie.

“Really?” he groans, shooting you a look.

“Just shut up and turn off the lights, Mikko,” you order him.

He gets up begrudgingly and turns off the lights before climbing back into bed. You start the movie and Mikko gets over the movie choice after a while. You two don’t even watch the entire movie, abandoning it halfway because he got too handsy, which was part of his agenda from the second he saw you wearing his shirt. The soreness that you feel the next morning was worth it when he wakes you up with breakfast in bed.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

It’s always fun jumping into a movie I know next to nothing about, and this requested review for Wes will be no exception. All I know is that Girls Just Want to Have Fun is an 80s teen romp with the worst photoshopped cover photo I’ve ever seen. It looks like Michael Scott put it together. I know it stars girls, AND I know what those girls want. That’s half your narrative battle right there. So do they achieve the fun they seek? Well...

They do! A lot of weird shit happens along the way, but yeah, fun is had and that’s all that really matters. God, 1985 was a simpler time. I mean, I know everyone was living in constant fear that the Russians were going to invade Kansas and we’d be faced with a neverending nuclear winter, but in the face of all that existential terror you also get movies where the entire pitch is “So there’s this girl (Sarah Jessica Parker) who wants to be a dancer on tv, but her parents don’t want to let her. But she does it anyway! And her partner is chosen for her and, boy, they do not see eye to eye. But then they do! And they have to practice a lot. And then they win the dance contest!” 

You know some studio exec heard that and screamed at his secretary to hold his calls for the day so he could sign the contracts and then do a mountain of blow off them. 

Some thoughts:

It’s so weird to see Sarah Jessica Parker without curly hair! I was never a Sex and the City fan, so my exposure to SJP is purely Hocus Pocus based.

This dance sequence over the credits is incredible. Why do we not have shows anymore that are just a large group of young attractive people dancing in sync? No host, no dialogue, just the power of dance. I was born in the wrong decade. I would have appreciated the shit out of the 80s when I was alive.

Poor Helen Hunt - she must be one of those people who always looked like she was 35, even in high school. Granted, she was 22 when this was filmed and she’s playing a teenager, but still. 

Helen Hunt is wearing dinosaurs in her hair. 80s fashion was on a wavelength that I don’t think any of us living will ever see again.

Omg this rich bitch (Natalie, I guess? She’s not named for at least the first 30 min of the movie) had Claire’s closet from Clueless 10 years before the movie existed! This is already groundbreaking.

NOW SHE HAS A BUG ON HER HAT. A big plastic green grasshopper. This review is mainly going to be about the insane things Lynne (Helen Hunt) wears.

Speaking of - I’m getting big lesbian vibes from Lynne Stone and I am so here for it. The homoerotic tension when she acts like she’s gonna fight the rich bitch? Delicious. The immediate intimate connection she makes with SJP? Practically U-Hauling. 

I love an 80s dance montage, and this movie promises to contain basically nothing but that tied loosely together with some nonsensical dialogue in between. This is gonna be my new favorite movie. 

Ooh Nestle Quik syrup! I forgot about Nestle Quik. 

Favorite line: “There is a time and a place for calypso music, young lady.”

Ohhh I see what this is gonna be - Janey (SJP) is a classically trained dancer and gymnast, and Jeff (Lee Montgomery) is more of a rough and tumble music video kinda guy from the streets. You can tell cause he’s got a motorcycle and a leather jacket. And he wears cutoff sleeves! He’s a white guy in Chicago, who could be more street than that? And they’re butting heads! How will they ever be able to make it work for the big dance contest??

How did Natalie know Janey’s phone number? She specifically said it was unlisted. Unless she remembers it from overhearing it offhand after the dance tryouts...? That’s insane, I can’t even remember what I wore yesterday let alone a 7-digit number someone shouted in a crowd.

Lynne Fashion Alert: Is she wearing a belt made out of bullets? And a Davy Crocket hat. This is galaxy brain lesbian fashion. If the costume designer for this movie didn’t win 10 Oscars...

The music director on the other hand...not sure what is up with all these weird KidzBop covers of excellent songs like “Dancing in the Street” or the titular “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” but if you’re gonna include them, you gotta spring for the originals. This is just sad. 

I’ve never been at a party with an ice sculpture. I think that’s how you know you’re among the rich. 

Whatever happened to Jonathan Silverman? I miss when he was the nebbishy sidekick in every 80s movie. 

Who enters a party by catapulting through the damn window?? Punk does not mean that you no longer know how to use doors, sir! 

Who serves a full roasted turkey at a party? Is this how rich people live? This feels like the equivalent of using Google translate to identify rich people food in another language, then translating it back to English. 

Lynne Fashion Alert: Now I think she has space shuttles in her hair.

Wow we got a real 1-2 punch of sexual harassment in this club. Who wrote this Tune in Tokyo gag and was like “You know what would be hilarious? If this shitty little nerd convinced this girl to raise her arms so he can just grab her boobs full on, front and center. And then she gets upset and runs away. God I’m good at this *snorts another line*”

Lynne Fashion Alert: Now it’s two globes (like, two Earths) with crab claws on them? This is a choice that I don’t understand, but I think I may just not be seeing what it is clearly. I am digging her mirror sunglasses though. 

I know Janey is smart but when did she learn how to hotwire a security system? It’s not like Google or Youtube existed, and I doubt there was a library book about how to dismantle that specific system. MYTH BUSTED.

Oh god oh no I’m so gay for these Dixon sisters from Kansas City, these two gorgeous black women in tuxes and spandex leotards. They 100% should have won this dance contest. 

Why did guys stop wearing crop tops? Can we bring back slutty quarterback as a fashion trend for dudes? Seriously, the costume design here is everything. 

I really love Jeff and his little family - his sister and his dad are so proud of him and supportive. You never see that in dance narratives featuring guys. I like the reversal here of gendered expectations.

Did I Cry? No, but my heart was warmed at various moments. 

Honestly, why can’t more narrative arcs in movies be solved via dance battle? 

Lynne Fashion Alert: She’s now dressed as...Cleopatra? Wait why the fuck is there a horse here? 

Oh that’s it that’s the end! Man, you can’t be mad at a tight 90 min film like this - it gets in, it gets out, bing bang boom you’re done with enough time to read before bed. 

Is this a cinematic masterpiece? No. But is it good clean fun? Absolutely. Barring the brief [obligatory 80s] sexual harassment scene, there’s very little to be upset with here. Kids wanna dance, they’re told they can’t dance, they dance anyway! It’s the power of dance! You’re either into it or you’re not, but if you’re not, I ask that you search your heart and try to find one teeny tiny sliver of joy inside it. You’re gonna need to feed that joy if you wanna make it through 2021, and watching this movie is a darn good place to start. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[ficsinhistory]

Analysis and Theories - Cobra and Mongoose/Better off Fred -  Disney finally learned how to balance comedy, emotion and action!

Cobra and Mongoose

Hiro and Fred's friendship! It's as cute as these two are always so close, not least because, as was established in the first episode, if the gang were to leave it would be just them. So these tips are cool to see from how they are friends and rely on each other.

The fact that the video game is the same as "Pray Date"! And this time, Fred really won, different from last time! And bonus point for everyone, including Baymax, to have a headphone!

The snakes!! The fact how they attack Fred and how Heathcliff intervenes is so amazing and well animated!! And how sordid and deadly they are!

The poison! Since snakes are robots, they have to throw the poison to be absorbed into the skin. And this happens in real life, there are substances that do it! It was a great recurring joke!

When Hiro comes to help and Heathcliff leaves a cell phone with a dramatic message even though he's barely there!

All the message in question! That butler is so dramatic and I love it!

The fact that Heathcliff knew how to shuffle tracking signals, he was a spy, so well played! Aside from the fact that Hiro took this as a personal challenge to his genial intellect, I love my pompous and intelligent son!

The restaurant where the first battle took place! It's so beautiful and the aesthetics of south asia and how it has influences beyond the Japanese in the city. Because San Franscisco really is full of other cultures and San Fransokyo being part Japanese doesn't erase that. Which is very cool.

Cobra. That's it, that's the whole point.

I love this villain!!! Everything about her is perfect! She is menacing, fun, smart and, as the name says, acts and moves like a snake! Outside I loved the design! And the whole sequence of conversation before the fight was the best! She remembered Momakase, but you can see the difference from her!

Reference to Mary POpPins! Eclipse WHO?!

Heathcliff fighting!! He has a sword in his umbrella and fights masterfully, all this is perfect and from how Fred is with a vase on his head during the fight and is paralyzed again!

In real life, Mongoose are natural predators of cobras and have a layer of fur that makes them immune to poison. So, well drawn writers, well drawn.

Cobra analysis. Unlike Momakase who steals objects, Cobra works on stealing technologies to steal objects, which is a good differential the two thieves. And how Hiro takes offense at his neurotransmitter being stolen. Not least because the last time this happened, his brother was killed. He must not have good memories of it.

Heathcliff's past itself! This, for those who do not know, is a reference to Alfred who was a spy before serving the Wanne. And the fact that he has this whole story with Boss Awesome, and saved the life of said hero in a volcano and how snake should have died and in the end Heathcliff ended up as a butler is cool.

"Who took these pictures?""You have not changed since then?"Hiro Hamada asking the right questions!

Mention to Boss Awesome. Rip Stan Lee.

And he explains it through a spy pen. Carmen Sandiego fans Rise UP!!!

Farewell! How Heathcliff loves the family he works for and Fred, whom he must see as a nephew and he having to leave to preserve that same family is sad. And how he makes Fred swear not to go after him is also sad, because Heathcliff had to use one of the things Fred loves most to make sure he doesn't follow him. It shows how important Fred is and how he knows that because Fred cares so much, he can't risk it.

The memories of Fred and how Heathcliff was with him from the beginning are touching. Fred as chaotic as he is, he really cares about who he loves. And from how his family sometimes travels a lot, it implies that the only parental figure was the Butler. And Heathcliff has no family outside the Fredericks.

It's lil Fred! It's cute!

Cobra's encounter with Mongoose! Cobra had so many robots and how it was on the roofs with the lights in the cities! This avoids the confusion of having people in the middle of the fight, as preserving identity and gives the fight drama on the roof™ !

Fred coming and " breaking” the oath. Oh, the old technical detail of that was a copy! And how he didn't steal the spotlight, thanks to the snakes. That was Heathcliff's past after all.

The final fight!!! From how Heathcliff changed clothes in the best Magic Girl style, with an effect phrase and everything, and in the fight with the umbrella and the giant snake?! It was all for me! He looks good in white!

Hiro helping!!! And of how, in the end it was Heathcliff who arrested Cobra having the spotlight from start to finish! Perfect!

The scary smile joke! I think people too!

Cobra in my top 3 of non-main villains!!

Better off Fred

The beginning has the reference of “guys,guys,guys” from Big Hero 7 (if I don't), but less lively.

Fred being extra™ when heartbroken and having it right in sight!

Baymax can now be a surgeon. Tadashi worked very well.

Honey wanting to know more and Gogo just begging not to. A classic!! Honey Lemon being the mother of the group as always. And Gogo just not getting paid enough!

Flashback! I love how Fred met Olivia. It was very Fred and having someone who liked rare comics is very something that would happen.

I love Olivia! She is super cute and I understand why Fred fell in love with her. She is funny, cool and is actively a nerdy girl, without the vibe of ”no like the other girls", which I quite liked. She is feminine, but not conventionally feminine, reads comics and no one in every episode talks about it. She is actively a nerd, with beanies, colored hair but no one points out that she is the "stranger" for it or she demeans other girls for not being like her. She is a girl who likes rare comics and with a good attitude! Thank You Disney!

The nerd crush music! And the whole gang balloon sequence.

The rejection and what was led to it. They talk about family until culminating in her revealing herself to be a Mole. But, let's be honest, Fred can be pretty chaotic, but he had spine to call the girl he liked right away for a date. Maybe Hiro can ask for some advice.

"Since when have you been there?"The writers recognizing the absurdity of some jokes and out-of-nowhere pops adds 10 years to my lifespan!

Everyone saying listening to Mole was a bad idea! But Fred is in love so he top! Stupid in love, huh?

The music of the transformation sequence speak just that!

The gang in fancy clothes!!! This is not training!!! They look beautiful! And man, Honey looked good in that dress and Hiro kill in that suit. My son looked beautiful! And points bonûs for giving him a real formal costume.

Baymax tie!!!

The arrival of Fred, or rather, Frederique. And how Honey tried to warn him that being himself is the best approach.

Fredsorna. That's a word in canon in BH6. That's... I didn't expect it.

It was all just very shameful when Fred wasn't himself.

Olivia not being traditionally female again. She wears a dress, but it is simpler and instead of high heels, she wears a pair of sneakers. And nobody says anything! Not to mention that I would use.

Points to Disney for showing that behaviors like imposing themselves on someone, invading personal space and acting like the other had no choice is NOT attractive. The media has done this for years and show, mostly to a male group, that being aggressive while flirting is cool. So Disney show showing that this is scary is all I want. I'm glad Olivia dumped her ex, including.

Mole is unbearable!! This kid is evil pure and Fred really got down for it. He really liked Olivia and wanted to spend time with her and gremiling ruined it!!! Besides paying Bluff was only low, even for him.

Olivia listening to everything from afar. She didn't want to leave him badly, she just went... fool.

When Supersonic Stu and Sue appeared! They may be bad, but that Stu has more family support than a lot of people!

Some may find it strange that everyone only delivers their belongings, but we have to remember that without the police and Big Hero 6, most people are defenseless and in the end they are still villains. They can hurt.

Fred saving the day with Olivia's help and using references! That's style!!!

She taking off her glasses and being a lousy actress. I love it.

Fred being honest with Olivia. He explaining everything and being vulnerable and explaining everything is very cute and open, being the opposite of her ex. And from how Olivia understands it is very cool and how good that it all ended well for them with a meeting of giant monster movies.

And Mole stuck on a piano! Please less Mole on eps!

Olivia / Fred will be interesting!

Conclusions and theories:

Cobra's coming back! Maybe after Hiro since he led him to his overthrow? She's a very rancorous villain. And definitely behind Fred and Heathcliff! Anyway, Disney I want to see her again!!! Maybe along with Momakase or even Sirque, who is another tech thief.

Heathcliff! He was amazing!! Best unofficial uncle!

Olivia!! Another one that will appear again!! And now Hiro and Fred can talk about their girls officially! I loved her and want to know more about this girl and the relationship between her and Fred!! And with the rest of the gang!! She's just super cute and I want to know more in general.

I... kind of noticed a pattern here. As much as Karmi as Olivia has names based on nature, more specifically plants and has positive characteristics. Olivia makes reference to olive trees and the name means “friendly”, “beauty” and “kind”. Karmi means "orchard, garden”,  "my vineyard “and other things like” hardworking“,” golden “and even”, ”generous". It would seem that the love interests of these heroes are amazing and brave people with names of a similar nature. Interesting.

She and Karmi would get along very well, by the way. You know, two fangirls.

I like how the two episodes focus on the theme of the season that seems to be family. And this can yield interesting things.

I have this theory even that the episodes will start to have more plot and complement each other more when all the villains of the hexagons appear and then, the grand Big bad (or the villainous driving force of the season) will appear, complementing the NBB.

So far we have most of the villains, just missing Momakase, and along with them,story lines related, with the theme family, that will converge even more. The NBB and the sisters has the theme of Brotherly Love, along with Hiro's conflict with the separation of the gang established in the first episode, apart from what may be the push to the Big Bad that I believe to be Braggtech, brought in the first episode and that I think will be developed in the episodes ahead, in addition to the

Hardlight and the Super duo brought the romantic love of a family to both Hiro and Fred, with Harlight taking an extra line on what may be Karmi's rise as a heroine and how all these changes in her will affect her and Hiro's relationship. The Supers have a strong relationship with Fred and Olivia.

Cobra too, but she may have a more forward role more related to Braggtech, in my opinion.

Apart from the other villains that remained from the second season. Of course, not everything will be connected, but the main plots yes.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[bisluthq]

So, let me preface this by asking, please don’t drag me lol. I’m doing a thesis for school about the affects of pornography on teens and I would like your opinion if you don’t mind. I don’t want to sound like a boomer, but I think porn is the reason some kids don’t have clear boundaries when it comes to hooking up. I honestly don’t have anything against some porn, ya like what ya like and as long as it’s not exploitative, it’s whatever. What I mean, is so much is rooted in incest “storylines” involving siblings, cousins, step parents, etc and “I fucked my best friend” plots, I think a lot of kids who watch that shit don’t have boundaries. It’s cool if you and your BFF fall in love organically but so many think you CAN’T be friends with the opposite sex without having sex. It’s so archaic to think if a man and woman have dinner, it will automatically lead to sex. I see this in the Taylor fandom. Like everyday my inbox tells me Taylor and Abigail or Selena should fuck even though they are like family. Ed is like a brother and def a BFF, yet people get confused at their friendship and think there must be something sexual going on. Or people get “suspicious” of her friendship with Ryan because they are attractive people, they will obviously at some point cheat on Blake 🙄 I think for some (NOT the confused gay kids who wish the biggest pop star in the world represented them) but the people like TTB who just fetishizes the idea of two white blonde thin hot women having sex is the reason they can’t let go of kaylor. It’s not about who had a guest bedroom in her apartment...if that were the case, they would ship her with Lena. Anyway that sweeran anon is a perfect example. I know there are many factors as to why fans behave this way, but since my thesis is specifically about the affects of porn, I would like your opinion. Thank you 😊

Look, not to sound like a prude and a Boomer myself but I’ve watched like maybe 2 porn videos in my life. I’ve seen more sexy gifs and little clips on Tumblr but I’ve never watched like start to finish scenario vibes except like when - already done in my 20s - I got into masturbation and was trying out what I liked wanking too. Conclusion: I’m not into porn. I like the little gifs and clips tho.

So I think you might be right but idk if I’m a good person to commentate this without being judgy and moralistic and having done no research on it.

I do think there’s an issue with hypersexualization of relationships amongst young people and we see that with a lot of Swiftie fandom stuff. And what’s interesting to me is often the people who I think are guiltiest of this find me absolutely unpalatable because I talk Taylor Swift + sex. Because for them it’s not necessarily about like… discussing messy Tay things or getting off on Tay being hot even, it’s kind of an exercise in wish fulfillment where they are Taylor and they have the perfect life with all their perfect relationships 🤷🏻‍♀️

Idk if this made sense but it was an interesting ask and happy to open it to the floor!