#the main thing that ensures i use it especially in later months of the year

[rising-above-stars]

*this close* to doing a full tour of my current bullet journal for fun

[we-are-knight]

whats the sad backstory behind the hema dodge post, if you dont mind me asking?

I have about 5 Asks about this, and the actual history to it is too long and elaborate to go into.

What I will confirm is that during the time of that clip, I was informally running the fencing group involved. I say 'informally' because I had zero interest in running it as a leader, and wanted to purely focus on teaching people to fence at higher levels, while letting everyone else determine the direction they took. During this time, I had a lot of accusations of hitting too hard, and had for many years. I was not able to fully fix this however, as I literally didn't know how to correct the mechanics to this, and no one had taken the time to actually look at the issue to rectify it. (It took my current fencing leader 20 minutes total to permanently fix this issue. In over a decade, less than half an hour was required to permanently solve this problem. No one made the effort with me until then).

In the background, there's a few people you can see watching this bout. One of them later took over the group by installing himself as the new president. Later, he would tell me I was now banned from the group, and give vague reasons as to why.

I still don't have a full understanding of why I was banned, nor was I told how to be allowed back. The closest I got was something about them retroactively applying a new code of conduct, and accusation that I had made the club a toxic environment.

This stings especially because I was never given any idea of what that meant or how to fix it, or a clear idea of what I had done. The club would then go on, with several of my former best friends, to totally remove any reference to me, and disallow reference to me. They also went on to use a club logo I had originally proposed, and when I attempted to speak positively of this, one of those people would directly message me saying that I was a horrible person and manipulating the scenario, and this was why people always moved away from me. I still don't know what that was meant to be about, and would reaffirm I had thought it was a hopeful gesture that they had adopted the logo I proposed, after which communication was ended. They also accused me of threatening the guy who installed himself, stealing club funds, and had some unpleasant things to say about my partner for good measure.

I ended up being ostracised from my sport for several months, and for most of last year, I realised that the HEMA community I looked up to, didn't care one mote about what had happened, and actively enabled the people involved. None of them have ever had any repercussions, and I will never really get closure. This has been the focus of regular therapy for me for over a year now.

For me, the video, impressive as it looks, features people in the background that have left me traumatised, and led to me abandoned by the only community I was actively engaged in for over a decade, realising I had no friends at all. I still will not attend certain events in the UK if I risk being alone, because the safeguarding in HEMA is basically non-existant, and based entirely on personality cults.

The only positive is that I was later recruited by another historical fencing group, who not only have safeguarding methods, but a professional set up and regular catch-ups to address the issues that most groups don't address. The experiences above taught me that HEMA as a culture will not help you if you are being bullied or ostracised, and so I have ensured that the culture of the current group I run is everything that the one in the video was not. I have had to ban exactly one person from my current group, and the process leading to them being banned was done with full engagement, and they remain on friendly terms with everyone since that judgement. The main positive, as such, was coming out of that experience with awareness of the failings of this sport, and committing to never perpetuating the cycle of abuse to others.

Even so, I'm still in therapy over it, and will never really get closure from it. I've totally lost faith in HEMA as a sport and culture, and continue fencing only because I can't bring myself to stop swinging a sword. And now I'm teaching a new group that has such enthusiasm and excitement, and has grown like nothing I've seen before, who say they stick with it because the culture of the current group is so warm. But it's a small consolation, as I won't consider going to events if the other group is there, if I am alone.

But keep in mind reading this that I am giving a very condensed form of things and how it affected me, and why that video brings me sadness, and a little anxiety.

[ask-kirfluffau]

how long has Fluff been officially king of Patchland? Also what are Fluff's opnions on Kirby's family?

Oh @monika-396; I've taken your humble ask and produced angst out of it.

This is based on the original plot of Epic Yarn where it was going to have Prince Fluff as the main character. Fluff was going to go on a journey to find his lost mother... BUT WE WERE DENIED THIS!

Until we get that Prince Fluff game... THAT WOMAN HAS ABANDONED HER SON!

So to answer your question, Prince Fluff has ruled the Kingdom as king for 3 years. But he's been running the kingdom since he was only (8-11 in Kirby years). So my HC for Fluff's mom is that she was not from Patchland. And that was the reason why the magic socks were created... for her.

But Fluff's father died, and she couldn't handle the pressures of running the kingdom by herself, so she left. Leaving everything to Yin-Yarn (the royal advisor). She swiped everything that was hers and left the other sock to ensure she'd never return. (Or that's what it seemed like... full story later.)

When days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months it was clear... the queen was never going to return. Yin-Yarn took advantage of his position: he started to extort money from the kingdom. Especially from"Quilt Square", Dom Woole had to declare bankruptcy but took this as a chance to get proof of Yin-yarn's corruption...

He was fired soon after

Fluff was hurt when he found out he trusted Yin-yarn and said, "...but mom will come back and fix this right." Sadly everyone had explained to him that his mother was never coming back. Fluff did not have time to mourn had to take all the responsibilities of a king all in the same day.

Cut back to the month of his coronation day... the dreams he had as a little boy suddenly came back. He always pictured that his mom would be with him the day he became king... but she wasn't there.

He drowned himself in work to avoid everything. Locking himself in his office for weeks: hiding away. Kirby knew something was up... so he came to his Fluff's castle. So he broke in (so Fluff couldn't avoid him) and knocked on his window in a desperate attempt to check on his friend...

(They weren't dating yet, but that was the level of love & care he had for Fluff he had already. The feeling was mutual on Fluff's end as well; they just didn't know what they had yet...)

He saw a side of Fluff he had never seen before which scared him... Hearing him try to reason out of his sorrow, and deny his feelings was so painful to watch.

(Kirby's Knighting Ceremony took place 10 months ago)

He put himself in his shoes and imagined what would have happened if Meta Knight wasn't able to be there at his knighting ceremony.

Kirby, he could only feel a fraction of the grief Fluff was feeling, but it made him feel awful. He wouldn't have wanted to do the ceremony or get knighted if Meta Knight couldn't be there.

He got everything he wanted at his knighting ceremony... seeing his friend couldn't have that... broke his heart. He desperately wanted to take his pain away. Fluff didn't even have the luxury to say "cancel it" or get the crown and say he's king.

He did the only thing he could do he wrapped Fluff in his cape to make him feel safe, warm, and loved. And with that, Fluff finally admitted that he couldn't do it without his mom.

So with the help of everyone, they used their powers to create cataclysmic weather conditions. Hail, thunderstorms, tornados, earthquakes, and one black hole. And just before the ceremony starts, Kirby bursts in:

"APOLOGIZES FOR BEING LATE BUT..., THE WEATHER... IT'S A CODE-RED NATURAL DISASTER! EVERYONE IS ENDANGERED! AS A SEASONED STAR WARRIOR: I SUGGEST WE MAKE THE CEREMONY SHORT TO PROTECT EVERYONE HERE!"

All the visiting galactic diplomats and nobles agreed in fear as the black hole of Marx & Magolor grew bigger. And that is how the ceremony was cut to 15 minutes. The minute they all left the weather cleared up and they all just had fun at the after-party.

On that day, Fluff was able to see that his friends were his actual family... he was loved. So yeah Fluff already loved Kirby's family (the GSA) to bits & pieces. And lets them get away with a lot of teasing, much to Kirby's annoyance; and tries to shoo them away before they have the chance (Knuckle Joe & Tuff/Bun).

And on that day, everyone in the friend group started to ship the hell out of Kirby & Fluff. Everyone already started to see that Fluff & Kirby had a thing since the knighting ceremony... but after this whole ordeal. But at the end of the day, everyone knew what they had...

"KIRBY, YOU'RE TELLING US YOU'RE WILLING TO COOK UP SEVERAL NATURAL ATROCITIES FOR ONE GUY WHO YOU JUST CONSIDER AS A FRIEND-!?" which was what everyone (namely Marx) wanted to say... But MK insisted this was their relationship, and they had to figure it out... on their own terms.

In the end, Kirby was gonna say, "I wish I could've found your mom..." Kirby wanted to give Fluff the ceremony he deserved (like he did). Needless to say, Fluff got everything he wanted, just in a different way that day.

(it'll take 9 months for these two to realize their feelings and 3 months more to confess, so at least a year) Hope guys enjoyed the angst I produced.

[kyndaris]

Plot? What Plot?

As someone who aspires to become an author that will someday get on a Best Selling List somewhere in the world, I read a lot of books. While it's not on the level of professional BookTok-ers or those running BookTube channels, I like to think I get through a decent portion of them during the year. Especially when my books of choice are usually 600-page minimum behemoths. AFter all, with the rising cost of books (they're about $24 now in Australia for a standard paperback), I need to ensure I'm getting my money's worth!

However, ever since I joined the bookclub at my workplace, I've been exposed to genres and books I might not have usually thought twice on. Surprisingly, most of them have been much shorter than the books I usually devour.

But the most recent book we've picked is Year of the Locust by Terry Hayes. And, quite frankly, I've mixed feelings about the book. Spoilers ahead for anyone who might want to read this book in the future.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not opposed to spy thrillers. Hell, back in 2013, I even bought I Am Pilgrim after seeing the title being advertised nearly everywhere in the London Underground while I was there third-wheeling my friend and her then-boyfriend's relationship (you know you're close if you can get away with hijacking a trip overseas to see a significant other).

Did I love it? Not...exactly.

Still, I gave it a reasonable 3 out of 5 stars!

Year of the Locust, on the other hand, is a rough 2.5 stars (rounded down on Goodreads in this instance).

And I know you must be asking me why. After all, it's a 600-page behemoth. So, it would be in my usual wheelhouse of books I'd like to savour in just shy of a month.

Unfortunately, while I find the writing and sentence structure decent, my main issue are the characters and the surfeit of plot. This is no A Court of Silver Flames where Nesta and Cassian spin plates in the House of the Wind (and by that I mean the training, the bloody 10,000 step staircase and all the unnecessary sexy times), and the plot, when it is remembered, is scattered unevenly throughout before it all gets rushed through in the last few chapters.

No, no. Year of the Locust suffers from what I like to call the Scarlet Nexus issue. It's where the writers (or writer in this case), think any and all ideas are great and insert it into the story as some sort of twist. And in Year of the Locust, the second half has this in spades: space spores which fast-track human into evolving a white carapace, giving them a 'ridgeback,' and heightening their aggression; an experimental cloaking technology affixed to a submarine that somehow makes it travel through time.

Like, why? Why couldn't this be a separate story entirely?

Also, did you have to power up your villain into some video game bullet sponge? Uncharted 2: Honour Among Thieves this is not. But if you blink, the difference between Zoran Lazarevic and Kazinsky are almost non-existent.

Perhaps my gut instinct at the start of the book should have warned me that Year of the Locust would not go the way I thought it would. Especially as it opened with a completely different adventure with Ridley Kane going up against the Magus (which would later be revisited again in Part 3 - most likely to pad the book out because it added little substance to the whole Ridley and Kazinsky dynamic in any shape or form) to highlight a secret technique the dastardly spy would use against our protagonist, one he would repeat in the final few chapters against Kazinsky.

Another thing that rubbed me wrong was how often Ridley, as he recounts the story sometime in the future, would tell the reader how deadly all his foes were. All the while underselling his abilities as a Denied Access Area spy. Rather, our protagonist is just an ordinary guy who once wished to be part of a submarine crew and has mastery of multiple languages like Russian and Arabic.

The other parts I felt added little to the actual plot were the foreshadowing dreams Ridley has, and which many of the supporting cast attribute to PTSD. Why can't intuition just be that? Did Ridley truly have to emphasise he could hear 'gunshots from the future?' It's not as if he was ever shown to be clairvoyant about other things in his life.

Oh, and don't get me started on how much of the book 'tells' the backstory of all of its characters rather than simply 'showing' it. Did we need to have several chapters dedicated to Kazinsky talking about his childhood of hunting for mammoth tusks? How did it add to his characterisation? Did Ridley really have to exclaim to the rest of the CIA that Kazinsky was expositing to hammer the exact same point home to the reader?

By the time I reached the end, I was praying for the story to end. Especially when typical tropes began being pulled out: like Ridley refusing to go back in time and only did so when his wife (when did he and Rebecca even get married again?) died in his arms. The writing truly could be seen on the wall.

Also, how did the spores manage to travel around the world? How much was on some asteroid ore? And if they could become airborne, why couldn't people get infected after Devil's Night?

All I can say after reading the book was that the author definitely needed an editor. One who wasn't afraid to tell the author to kill his darlings if he wanted to write something that might not have been a complete mess. Or, at the very least, split the plot in half and write them separately with different characters. There was absolutely no need to mush two disparate ideas into one book. Especially given how strange the tonal change would be.

Do I regret that I read this book? A little. There are a million other choices sitting on my bookshelves. And yet, I also think it's important to read books one might not always enjoy. After all, such things help widen one's understanding of taste. If you're lucky, though, you might just find a new genre you'd fall in love with. Or a new favourite author.

While I know some might argue there isn't enough time in our very short life spans to read books you don't like, it's hard to distinguish what you do and don't like without experimenting a little. If one reads only the classics, thinking they ought to like them because of how they've managed to stand the test of time, it may deter them from books entirely. Especially if the writing might be too pretentious or too dry.

Besides, what someone else might like but I might detest is all very subjective. There are many people online who have elevated Sarah J Maas to such heights I'd not be able to reach while leaving other authors, who might be just as good, in the dust.

In any case, I know for certain Year of the Locust isn't quite the novel I expected. While there are some reviewers on Goodreads who love the rollercoaster ride they were presented with, it is this humble blogger's opinion that the story would have been better split into two separate novels. Coupled with a good editor who wasn't afraid to leave certain threads on the cutting room floor, those two separate stories would have been more tightly written and given Terry Hayes the springboard to leap into a wholly different genre.

[cloysauce]

With the one and only: My Son Yejin BIFAN chronicles

Last July 8, the media exploded with articles following a talkshow event with Son Yejin a couple days ago.

Typically, I get news about stuff like this from two sources: a Korean news app and a translator (either another app or a friend I follow on Twitter). I'm used to seeing news in the form of a tweet and then retweeting with the necessary bursts of enthusiasm.

So I was quite unprepared to instead be in the exact room where it happens, to sit on one of the clothed chairs of the Hyundai Department Store Jungdong Culture Hall, with just one row of chairs between me and the stage where the actress was speaking herself. It wasn't a phone screen anymore. There's still a surreal state of mind of "How did I get myself into this situation?" that lasts until this day.

I had no plans of flying back to Korea after my visit last August 2023, and if I would I wanted it to be planned more meticulously. That was until May 2024 when BIFAN announced Son Yejin as the main character of their actor retrospective with events (plural) dedicated to her. For 10 days I agonized whether I should go, especially as it will clash with my birthday. Back then, the mere idea of planning an impulsive trip to see Son Yejin was ridiculous, but there was a nagging thought of a challenge and the possibility of something incredible.

At work, I gave a heads up that I plan to be on tentative leave for the first week of July while I quietly gathered documents. Everyone understood it to be my birthday leave and gave me the right to it, but until the last week of June, this out-of-office holiday was left tentative because of many things:

I needed to prepare for a visa

I needed to submit said visa

Said visa must be approved

I then needed to get flights and a hotel booking that wouldn't cost me a leg and arm, which was asking too much with airfares notoriously more expensive the sooner the travel dates are.

More importantly, I needed to somehow grab a ticket for the megatalk event I'm flying for, an exclusive opportunity to be in an audience with the one actress I've watched and adored for years.

There were several barriers to overcome in a span of a little over a month and that put me up with a lot of doubts and hesitations going forward and some personal matters to consider. I asked friends for their opinions; is this a wise move? They all said yes, the enablers they were. (But maybe that's the reason why I sought their opinions)

The visa preparation and application took almost all of June but it was granted, leaving me only a week to grab a hotel and flights. Again for someone who's used to booking at least 2-3 months prior to departure to secure the best prices, this was really stressful. I was very tempted to just say 'screw it,' and just catch the exhibition at a later week or just go to Korea later.

On June 25, I tried ticketing for the BIFAN opening ceremony and failed miserably. Nothing new, I have shit luck with things like this so the pressure was on and the stakes were high considering it will determine my fate on how I will spend my birthday or whether everything was a waste of time and money, and I could only scream about it to a few, including a good friend who would then save my life.

Son Yejin's megatalk ticketing came and I had to lock myself inside a room to ensure full concentration and also because I felt like screaming every now and then. My hands were shaking so badly. Everything was all over in the flash of a minute, and I busted out of the room actually yelling because the odds said: let's give this poor girl a chance to see Son Yejin in the flesh. 

And what transpired in the days to follow was nothing short of the stuff dreams are made of.

Last year, I've only seen the waning traces of Crash Landing on You's popularity in the countries I visited. In Seoul, Son Yejin was on a TV cf, an ad on a health supplement kiosk, and a few airport buses in the city. In Tokyo, a few Hyun Bin goods were on sale at Koreatown and luckily his movies finally made it to Japan so there were posters. I saw them in a couple of magazines and memorabilia and that was the fullest extent of their 'influence.'

But if it were in 2021-2022, there would have been a chance to see an exhibition and concert for CLOY in Tokyo and a musical in Seoul.

It seemed I missed the bus to go to these countries while the drama was hugely felt. I found joy in what little there was, better than nothing.

The moment I arrived in Seoul last July 3rd, Son Yejin was already greeting from the airport bus tv, she would say hello again in Myeongdong decorating a jewelry shop. Her movies The Pirates and A Moment to Remember were also on TV. Finally I'm feeling the rockstar effect.

In Bucheon, she was everywhere, in the subway, the mall. It was quite exactly, a Son Yejin festival, and I was in a buffet.

And I'm no longer just an outsider looking through the articles of Naver, but quite in the navel of the action. I watched the BIFAN red carpet event from a train in Seoul and the opening ceremony from the Banpo rainbow bridge and I can't tell you how thrilling these already were even from afar. It hits different versus watching at home at the comfort of my bed, because it's not in an imaginary far-flung place. It's happening right under the same skies, like a concert of an idol at a local concert hall.

One can say it's the closest I felt to attending a concert for a favorite singer.

On July 5, I traveled to Bucheon to see the opening of the exhibition, which I assumed was going to be open-air so there are plenty of chances to see Yejin for the first time.

Bucheon is an hour ride from where I stay so there's some tourist moments. There's a funny story how the train I was in got swapped to an express and I ended up in a different station. On Twitter, pictures of the exhibit start to appear. I thought: 'oh it's just tiny' and I managed my expectations.

I met with a long-time Korean friend, who wasn't a fan but was thrilled at the prospect of seeing Son Yejin. I got some merch ticket to get the chance to get a commemorative booklet and a poster. I didn't even expect to be so lucky to score freebies (and it feels unfair to call them as such because the poster is pretty and the book??? Is worth going to Bucheon for this alone).

My friend spoke with someone in the exhibition and confirmed that Yejin will grace the opening so we made preparations to have lunch. How does one prepare to see a favorite star in the flesh, I wish I knew.

By 3:00 PM, there was a crowd building up and they were setting up these flimsy ankle-height strings that remind me of the Chinese garter street game, intended to be rope barriers. I stood at the west side watching the organizers stretch out a red carpet and set up the ribbon to be cut. Press started coming in and even more people were gathering not just around the exhibition but also the second and third floor balconies.

15-20 minutes later, the crowd got thick and Yejin's bodyguards came in, ordering the crowds to step back. My friend told me they didn't use polite words too, lmao. A bodyguard argued with someone in the crowd who was complaining and threatened to cancel the event if they didn't cooperate akjdasdlk (But that same bodyguard spoke to me and was actually nice, reminding me to just "follow the line, okay?" )

To add to the chaos, the press started to get upset and I'm not sure if it's because some of them didn't have the permit or they were being territorial about vacating their spots, but there was a lot of yelling that led to walk-outs eventually. I was watching this like YIKES but also just standing both horrified and fascinated of what's happening. Like does this happen all the time? lol

Yejin's retinue arrived 10 minutes later and you could tell from the cheers of the people from the back.

(poor quality shot of a high-quality woman)

As a tiny person I had to tiptoe the best of my ability. I saw her coming in from the left side of the exhibition. A friend asked me if she was smaller or taller than I imagined but I don't actually have an answer. I know she wasn't tall tall but she wasn't short too. And the whole time, I was in awe of this woman who wasn't a gif or an HD mp4, but a real live breathing human being. But the confusion was there because wdym she dazzled even more in person? Does her skin have a built-in filter? Son Yejin was ethereally beautiful, with silky-smooth arms and alabaster skin. She wore a welcoming smile from eyebrows to lips that lights up the room. And she readily gave it to everyone who looked her way and makes people the luckiest creatures to be the end-recipient of them. She came in like a breath of fresh air in that humid city, it's unbelievable how she puts cameras to shame.

Unfortunately I was pushed out of my position that all I saw for the majority of the ribbon cutting is the left (stage-right) column of the exhibit lol. But just as well, people took better (less shaky) videos than me anyway. I was happy for whatever glimpse afforded when I lean to the right.

Now I happened to have brought a little gift for her that I had in a pink gift bag. So my mind was also half-watching, half-preparing to give it. After Yejin walked around the exhibit and waved to the fans, she started going back to where she came from. My only thought then is that I came from afar and I don't want to bring that bag again the next day. So out I ran toward the exit (with my friend calling me not to run asldjk) and I found an opening where I could slip in the throng of people waving at her and call her attention. I called twice, "Yejinssi! Yejinssi!" (I wasn't even sure how to call her, it was so crazy). And her manager reached out her hand and I transferred the bag handle to her and I exclaimed my thanks.

What I was not prepared to see was Son Yejin looking at me straight in the eye like there was no one else in that Hyundai mall. With a happy smile, she waved both hands at me and bowed her head with her beautiful straight hair fanning the sides of her face and said "Gomawo." At Me.

If this was an arcade game it would have been a devastating triple combo attack that would have knocked me out.

But the most it did of course is left me too stunned to record anything on camera. Later I would feel stupid for not having at least the video running but please, I couldn't even dare bring up a camera to such a precious face.  

So yes, the gift was delivered and even made it in a couple of fancams. My friend comforted me saying at least I have the memory of interacting with Son Yejin when I didn't even expect her to even bat her eyelashes at a random fan like me. And it's true, I didn't expect to receive such a genuine and heartfelt reaction from her.

Now I completely understand why the film critic said, "If Son Yejin gives me her hand, I would do anything for her, even pick out the stars and the moon and give them to her."

With Yejin leaving the building, I went back to the exhibition to the waiting arms of fandom-induced capitalism by purchasing my merchandise. I got the Yejin filmography shirt (which is gonna be like my version of the Eras tour shirt ig), a souvenir badge of her BIFAN event, and a postcard book. I've not opened these, including the commemorative book, to this day. Please give me more time to enjoy their plastic-wrapped newness. Then I figured out with my friend how to take the poster home intact.

(+ a couple of pamphlets from her current jewelry ad campaign)

The exhibit itself, although tiny, was quite touching. With the theme of a blossoming flower, you can chart Yejin's colorful journey as an actress and her unique filmography as she challenged different genres. Ultimately you get the sense of her success and how her hard work paid off after all those years. You could feel immense pride of being there at that moment in her acting history and being a fan of the actress. The video at the middle was poignant with its stop and motion style transitions, and immersed me to a point of tearing up. The constant use of pink (the color often attached to her), the unseen photos, and reading Yejin's own thoughts lend to a warm atmosphere in a showcase that is charming and stylish at the same time.

Randomly, the department store was also next to the Ahn Jung-geum Park which is a very relevant detour to get to know more of the historical figure that Yejin's husband, Hyun Bin, will star next (at the Toronto International Film Festival, too, natch).

Next day is megatalk day. It's quite overwhelming thinking I'll be spending an hour with Son Yejin in the same room. I had my phone ready—not so much to record or take pictures, I'm sure there are probably 10 iPhone 15s in that room—but to transcribe her words and translate them in English.

She came out in a knitted top and jeans which made me think how I'm also up close and personal with her designer clothes and jewelry. But unlike what I was expecting, the talk was not so formal, I thought there would be film professors and critics, but it was really an animated, laid-back conversation. While the megatalk tackled her 23-year long filmography from her debut to the present, she was also sharing about her life experiences and perspectives. She talked about her acting methodology (and crying as she's famous for), some anecdotes of her past works, and what she wants to do next as an actress. And of course, how thankful she is for the fans being the sweetheart she is.

These were the expected topics, which is all well and interesting for me. This is a film festival after all. So imagine my surprise to hear her (and read through the transcription app) discuss a bit of Crash Landing on You and her husband at length. Two topics that I thought are taboo. I was shocked hearing in my own ears - the name Yoon Seri and the word she often describes her relationship with Hyun Bin - 운명 (which any cloy fan would know as fate, destiny.)

(these were her reactions to the hb question 😁😁)

And I felt immediately so incredibly spoiled. It's almost as though she knew it's my birthday and she gave me these gifts, especially as I would not even dream or dare of asking her these knowing how past interviews/fanmeets have filtered such mentions. Because as much as I'm enjoying how she's sharing about her life and her works, I wish her to be comfortable and feel respected above all, especially with how much her boundaries would have been tested those past 3 days.

The talk provided a wide range of topics and it seemed Yejin had a great time herself. There was a group photo (that idk would see the light of day) and the farewell. Yejin was hard to let go, despite knowing how she's given so much time and so much of herself in the past hour. I wished it could go for another hour and another day. But she's been working hard for the past few days and it's enough to see her so happy and fulfilled that day.

For myself, I've somehow managed to connect with her personally even for a few seconds, and I'm grateful how those memories are very much natural and positive. After all, I flew to Seoul with the hopes to see her even from afar, and I got more than that. I'm glad to have bestowed her something, because I truly want her to know how much this random fan, a mere raindrop in the whole ocean, sincerely appreciates her existence and knowing her.

(yejin and me in one frame 😁)

[chirpsythismorning]

Oh my god, how are they gonna arrange the schedules? If Finn has Ghost Busters 2 then it means he's gonna be filming that for months, and what about the other schedules then 😅? I sometimes wonder if the show will just come out in 2025 bc of different schedules and bc the actors either have different projects or are busy with smth else

I know it's super disappointing, but it's very possible s5 won't premiere until 2025!

I answered an ask about this a while back, but basically if we're wanting s5 to be top notch quality, then settling for a s5 release in 2025 is what we're looking at.

Finn made the comment that he was looking forward to being able to drink with some of his cast-mates at the next premiere since he'll now be of age this time around, and he wont be 21 until December 2024... Unless they plan on premiering that literal month, the premiere probably wont be until the following year some time (early 2025).

Noah also made a comment about it when asked if it was coming out soon, and he basically just changed the subject saying that they're main priority is doing the story justice by ensuring it's all well done and satisfying.

Netflix has not come out to give a year for release yet and it's because they are probably pretty sure it will be 2025, but they know it's going to piss people off so they're going to wait a little bit before breaking the news.

Also just thinking about filming scheduling like you said, it takes a lot longer than it usually does for a number of reasons. I'm pretty sure s1 only needed like 6-7 months to film and only like 3-4 months for post-production. But the level of the story was so much less grand. We also had actors that had no experience and so therefore there wasn't much demand in trying to fit with their schedule bc they had no other work.

But now they're all A and B listers with crammed schedules.

We're talking 10+ months of filming and AT LEAST 8+ months of post-production. Best case scenario they would be ready for a premiere by DEC 2024 at the earliest! That gives them a lot of wiggle room assuming there could be delays and what not.

Remember they didn't finish filming for s4 until Sept. 2021, which means they needed about 8 or so months for post-production with the May 27th, 2022 premiere.

When we're talking about like major CGI dragon battles potentially, we're looking at the high end of the spectrum for time spent of VFX in post-production, so something close to what we saw for s4, more or less (about 8 months).

And then you have to think about all the planning that goes into the promotion and the advertising and contracts with products that is planned months/years in advance and that all rolling out to get people pumped.

Then there's also the fact that their choice of when to release it usually has to be sort of unique.

It has to premiere on a Friday, and it has to preferably be at at time that works best for Netflix in combination with all of their other releases.

There are no interesting Friday dates in late 2024... The most interesting date I can find is Friday March 21st, 2025, which would allow for the release to match up with the setting of the show (especially if we're circling back to birthdaygate and what happened in early s4 that was misconstrued bc of will's unreliable narrator arc).

Also... arguably we want a later release bc then it means we get to be here a little bit longer. Bc once this is over, it's over forever. The end!

ST5 in 2025 wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, assuming that promotion for that season would start as early as late 2024 and also be really consistent leading up to it, followed by us getting it and having to, only to move on forever.

It's kind of sad thinking about it. I don't want to.

Also it's possible we could get split into two volumes again bc this is the end and they really want to milk the excitement of it. Having it premiere once and be done is only ensuring like one month of hype, whereas 2 volumes split up between a 2-3 month period ensure like 4 months of hype, and that's a good way to end things with a bang.

Maybe we'll get lucky with a vol one in late 2024 and a vol 1 in early 2025? We'll have to wait and see as we get closer!

All I know is it wont be 2026, so we can just rest knowing that's not a possibility... right?

[bluekino]

With the latest Grand Assault concluded, I think this is the appropriate time to write the after-action report here. This time, it's Hieronymus — the same raid boss I write about three months ago. However, this time I came prepared and built my students in time, and so I secured a platinum rank this time. Yay!

Below I will describe the team I used and how the raid went for each color:

Red

Azusa: 4*, Level 90, Skills 1/M/1/1, Gears 1/9/8

Kokona (borrowed): 5* UE50, Level 90, Skills M/M/M/M, Gears ?/?/?

Hoshino (Swimsuit): 5* UE30, Level 90, Skills M/7/M/M, Gears 9/9/8

Hina (Dress): 5* UE40, Level 90, Skills M/7/7/7, Gears 9/9/8

Ako: 3*, Level 90, Skills M/M/7/M, Gears 6/7/8

Himari: 3*, Level 90, Skills M/1/1/M, Gears 5/5/1

All the top-score team for this color used Nonomi (Swimsuit), but they also run Kokona alongside her. When I tried her as the main DPS, I tried to use Koharu instead as the healer, but I got lower score. Because of that, I stick to use my own Hina (Dress) as my DPS and borrow Kokona — the 5 free COST from her Sub Skill turns out to be better for speedrunning compared to switching DPS.

I don't bother upgrading Azusa's skills other than Normal Skill and her gloves (increasing ATK) since she's here only for reducing Hieronymus' DEF. While I have enough materials to max out Dress Hina's Normal Skill, I want to save it to upgrade Swimsuit Shiroko's skills (because her banner is two weeks from now), so the skill level stays there.

From all the three colors of this Grand Assault, this one turns out to be the most comfy. I don't have to worry much about Hieronymus killing my students since almost all of them have Blue or Purple armor that resist Hieronymus' Red attack. Azusa, however, has Yellow armor, forcing me to reset my run if Hieronymus' curse land on her before the lantern is healed five times.

Yellow

Hoshino (Swimsuit): 5* UE30, Level 90, Skills M/7/M/M, Gears 9/9/8

Kazusa (borrowed): 5* UE50, Level 90, Skills M/M/M/M, Gears 9/9/8

Maki: 5* UE50, Level 90, Skills 3/M/7/7, Gears 9/9/8

Koharu: 5* UE30, Level 90, Skills M/M/1/M, Gears 7/9/8

Ako: 3*, Level 90, Skills M/M/7/M, Gears 6/7/8

Himari: 3*, Level 90, Skills M/1/1/M, Gears 5/5/1

Nearly all the guides I saw on YouTube used Kokona as the healer, but the problem is that I don't have Kokona and Kazusa, so I have to use Koharu as the healer here. As you will see later, this will have a negative consequence later...

Since I have to bring my own healer, I need to max out all of Koharu's skills that improve healing. In this case, that would be the EX skill (already maxed from my first Hieronymus raid), Normal Skill, and Sub Skill. Expensive, but completely worth it. I also haven't maxed Maki's other skills except the Normal Skill (where she inflicts DEF down), but since she's here to reduce Hieronymus' DEF, I'll keep it as is — until Hovercraft Wakamo Grand Assault, around one month from now.

This color is the hardest of them all. I barely beat Hieronymus in this color with one team, leaving only three seconds left before the time runs out, as shown in this image.

A lot of things need to go right for clearing Yellow Hieronymus with this team, such as the curse not landing on Kazusa, timing Ako-Himari-Kazusa skill combo so that Kazusa's EX hits the boss while it has DEF debuff from Maki, ensuring Kazusa lands enough crits, and so on. I think I reset the run for half an hour straight before getting this clear, and swept the rest of my ticket for this color to prevent more suffering. This is what no Kokona does to a motherfucker — the free COST she gives from her Sub Skill is really helpful, especially to cut the raid duration.

Blue

Kayoko (New Year): 3*, Level 90, Skills M/7/1/7, Gears 8/9/8

Kokona (borrowed): 5* UE50, Level 90, Skills M/M/M/M, Gears ?/?/?

Hoshino (Swimsuit): 5* UE30, Level 90, Skills M/7/M/M, Gears 9/9/8

Wakamo: 5* UE40, Level 90, Skills M/M/M/M, Gears 9/9/8

Ako: 3*, Level 90, Skills M/M/7/M, Gears 6/7/8

Himari: 3*, Level 90, Skills M/1/1/M, Gears 5/5/1

Copied the team from this video, down to the skill rotation. Completely maxed out all of Wakamo's skills for this raid, which is useful for this raid and Goz (which is the next Total Assault, one week from now). I want to also bring her to UE50, but I need around 900 eligmas while I only have around 3,100, which is quite expensive.

Having the right units, all of them decently built, this should be an easy run, right? HAHAHAHAHA NO. Wakamo has Red armor, which means she's very vulnerable to Hieronymus' attack. The positioning of this team also means that if the curse lands on Swimsuit Hoshino, you must heal her because the explosion will kill Wakamo otherwise, but Wakamo still haven't healed when you have dealt with the curse. This color is easily the most stressful of them all, with me resetting quite a lot because Wakamo dies due to curse RNG making me unable to heal her in timely fashion.

Well, I get platinum rank for this Grand Assault, so all the stress (especially on Blue Hieronymus) should be worth it. The boss for the next raid is Goz — widely deemed to be the worst boss of Blue Archive due to his RNG mechanics. However, I've been building all the students needed for this raid (especially Tracksuit Yuuka my wife), so I have this mixed feeling of dreading the next boss while simultaneously looking forward to it.

I hope I can get another platinum for the next Total Assault, and I'll be making another after-action report two weeks from now!

[daydreamingatnight209]

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“My Number 19”

Mason Mount x Reader

Warnings - High emotions? Fluff 💞

Prompts- Comforting Mason after the Euros and the song “Marry your Daughter”

1.5k words.

———————————————————————

A  holiday in the sun was exactly what the team needed after their devastating loss in the Euro’s final against Italy. I knew that it hit everyone hard, especially Mason. I remember watching him console his friends on the pitch with tears in my own eyes, as I stood beside his parents, but it wasn’t a time for me to cry. He needed me.

I simply opened my arms to him when he found me in the stands. He wasted no time embracing me, his weight throwing me backwards slightly. I catch myself and wrap my arms around him tightly, tracing small patterns down his back to try and relax him. The tears I caught him holding in on the pitch were now flying freely down his face, as he buries himself into the crook of my neck.

A hand of mine shoots up to his hair as I play with, knowing that it is these small intimate touches that calms him in heated moments like this one.

“You still made history babe; I am so very proud of you” I whisper into his ear as he breathing slow goes back to normal.

He looks up at me and my heart broke from him. I gently wipe away any tears still trapped on his face as he works his way to his parents who go through similar motions to me.

A few days later, we found ourselves in Mykonos. Over the last couple of days Mason has managed to put the loss behind him and thanked the fans for their support as well as addressing that there is no place for racism after virtual attacks appeared online towards some of his teammates. By the time we land his famous smile was back on his face.

A few others join us on the spontaneous get away including Dec who is dating my best friend , Chilly, Jack and Shaw with their partners.

I finish putting my hair up so that it doesn’t receive extensive damage from the pool when Mase enters the room.

“Dec and some of the lads have hired a yacht for the day, do you wanna  join?

He hugs me from behind, humming to himself as I push down any fly away hair strands. I look at him through the mirror with a twinkle in my eye.

“Of course! Do you really need to ask Mase?”

I grab my beach bag and head out the room with my boyfriend.

The day was spent swimming in the sea, sunbathing and the boys playing basketball – all their practice at SGP paying off.

I ensure that Mason is covered in sunscreen after seeing Dec’s burnt arms and my best friend battle with him to put it on. Mase just lays on the deck as I massage the cream into his back, groaning slowly when I undo any knots in his muscles.  This lasts all of five minutes before he is on his feet again answering Dec’s calls to hoop.

I sit to the side with the girls and watch as they pair up to score. The ball swings and hits nothing but net. A clean shot. I cheer out to him and watch as he happily jumps about and gives Dec a quick high five. He looks over to me and for a moment it is like time had stopped.

I take in his lean but muscular posture, his sun kissed skin, while taking in how his jersey fits over his shoulders before looking up to his face again.

Butterflies float around in my stomach as I stare into his deep brown eyes. They were like the window to his soul, showing just how kind and gentle he could be, while protecting those he loves fiercely and from his eyes came a sense of home, of belonging.

The honeymoon period of our relationship never ended and nor would it ever. His love consumed me, forever burning through me. It takes me a moment to realise what the man I am looking at is doing as he drops to one knee.

Time starting moving again but I feel like I am living in slow motion. I was aware of the sudden gasps and quickly following silence that happened around me, but I couldn’t focus on anyone but him. My faces scrunches up as a poor attempt to stop my tears as it finally clicks in me.  He was proposing to me.

I thanked my luck that he waited till I was seated a one hand grips tightly onto the side of the sunbed while the other fly’s to my mouth to stop the loud gasps and cries from spilling out.

I watch as he delivers this beautiful speech, making me cry harder before asking the all important question. It takes me a minute to regain my voice from the shock.

“Oh Mason, look at state of me now. You know I’m an ugly crier!” I protest as he laughs nervously.

“I think you are beautiful” he whispers, using one hand to wipe my tears away and the other to keep a hold of the ring box.

He does his best to clear my face, but I know that he couldn’t do much; turns out my mascara wasn’t as waterproof as it said. That makes me giggle slightly as I open my mouth again. My voice was hoarse but at this point I didn’t care.

“Of course, I will marry you!”

At that, he wastes no time slipping the most gorgeous ring onto my finger, before picking me up and twirling me around as those around us erupt into cheers after that tense silence. Champagne is sprayed all around the deck as music begins to play.

Mason puts me back on my feet, but keeps a tight hold on my waist, unsure if I have recovered from the shock yet.

I lean my forehead against his and soak in memory.

“My Number 19” I whisper just before his lips capture my own, as if to seal the deal.

 ————————————————————————

Mason’s POV-

I have never felt so much relief as I did when Y/N agreed  to my proposal. When she started crying, I panicked like never before, but I couldn’t do anything but wait. Then came the answer I have been waiting for the last 6 months. I wanted to sag in relief, but I had to keep my composure.

I remember that one moment 6 months ago, I had the ring, but I needed one more thing.

My legs felt as if they couldn’t hold me up as I stood before my girlfriends childhood home. I placed  a firm knock on the door and wait until her father answers my call. I give him my best smile (while internally cringing at my actions) and settle instead on a firm handshake.

I force myself to calm down before stepping into the household. I can do this, it’s not like I am the only guy who has asked their girlfriend’s father for his permission to marry his daughter. Its old fashioned sure but not that rare.

I take a seat opposite him and get straight to the point.

“I want to marry your daughter” I blurt out, before adding a quick “sir” on the end.

His eyebrows shoot so far up his face I was actually scared that they would disappear. Not the reaction I would have wanted but there is still hope. I have to hope.

I listen to him intently as he raises his concerns, including our young ages and my career but I didn’t let them dishearten me. I knew that Y/N was the girl I was going to marry when I first met her three years ago. Even at 19 my heart knew that she was the one. I wasn’t going to give up.

“Sir, I hope you don’t mind forwardness but in this box is ring for your oldest, she is my everything and I would really like your blessing. I know that you have your concerns, but you honestly do not have to worry, I will treat her with the upmost respect.” I take a breath before deciding to take the final plunge.

“I’m gonna marry your daughter and make her my wife; I want her to be the only girl that I love for the rest of my life.”

I feel like an eternity passes before her old man looks at me again. I watch as his face breaks into a smile and I have to close my eyes to hide the tears that threaten to spill. He approved.

He stands up and gives me another firm shake of the hand.

“You’ve got backbone kid. I respect that. Go look after my little girl”

I didn’t plan on proposing on the yacht, I had a whole beach proposal planned for that evening instead but when I caught her staring over at me, I was mesmerized. Her smile was so bright, and her eyes shone with constant admiration and love. Stuck in that single moment I knew I had to do it.

I wanted to share this memory with her and the friends we call family; it didn’t matter if it was now or in a fancy setting. I just wanted her to say yes… and she did.

[manonblaqkbeak]

The Little Bookshop

here’s my contribution for day 28--bookshop au. just one more story to go and i’ll be officially done with rowaelin month!!

cw: very light mention of female infertility. and verrrrrrrry light smutty language. (if theres any i missed, pls dont hesitate to let me know!)

2.7k words

enjoy!! :)

Aelin woke up surrounding by the arms of a furnace. That furnace being her six foot four husband. Normally, she would love waking up like this, but with summer arriving early and the very fact that she could spend all day like this despite the heat and the million things they had to do today it was not something Aelin could love at this very moment.

Kicking off the cotton sheets, Aelin tried to leave the bed but to no avail. Rowan's grip tightened in his sleep and he mumbled something that might have been “five more minutes”.

Knowing very well that “five more minutes” could turn into another hour, Aelin told her husband that she had to pee, otherwise she was going to wet the bed.

That worked, and Rowan planted a kiss between her shoulder blades as he turned over, facing the curtains.

A small mischievous smile found its way to Aelin's mouth as she quietly walked over to the cream blackout curtains and yanked them back, flooding their bedroom with the bright morning sun.

Rowan groaned at the rude interruption, flopping over on his stomach to avoid the sun. But Aelin simply back over and took the sheets and his pillow away from him (and because she could, she admired his muscled back, but soon came back to reality when all the things they had to do came flooding back).

“It's too early to be tortured like this,” Rowan mumbled, his green eyes finding hers. “And I thought you were about to wet yourself.”

Aelin gave him her best simpering smile. “A little lie. Now, get up, because we need to get started on the day.”

Grumbling at the sun still blinding him and the fact that he wife was always far too energetic in the morning, Rowan put on his summer slippers and shuffled into the kitchen behind his wife, who turned into a pale pink blur as she whirled around the kitchen, taking out the slow cooker and the dry ingredients for their dinner, the pumpkins and sweet potato and the peelers, and the Brussels sprouts that had to be halved. She rattled on about the guest room and the living room, going on and on and on.

They had been married for five years, together for seven, and Rowan still had no idea where she got all this energy in the morning from—especially considering that she would often tell people that she was not a morning person. He couldn't even comprehend most of what she was saying until he had his water and coffee.

After downing his water and turning on the coffee pot, Rowan heard Aelin muttered something about the roof gutters needing cleaning as she peeled the sweet potatoes over the sink, Rowan gently placed his hands on her face and kissed her.

“Breathe,” was all he said.

“I don't have time to do something like that, there's just so much to do.”

Rowan kissed her again and again until Aelin relaxed to his touch slightly. “I know how important this day is to you,” he said to her gently, “for us and the store, but I promise that everything will be fine.”

Aelin dumped the sweet potato and peeler in the sink and wrapped her arms around his bare waist, hugging him tightly as she rested her head on his chest. Taking a deep breath, Aelin smelled the homely scent of Rowan. When she had first meet him, he had been a surly bastard, but she couldn't deny that he smelled good. It was the main thing that drew her to him, that he always smelled like home.

His personality, however, was abrupt as her own back then. But they had worked to better themselves, both individually and then as friends and then beyond, when that friendship turned into something more.

To this day, Aelin never thought that she would have married the scowling bookshop owner she met when she moved to Doranelle. That the man who she thought really shouldn't be in customer service would become the most important person to her. She often told people that Rowan was her soulmate, that there was no better word to describe what he was to her.

Rowan ran his hand up and down her cotton-clad back, the motion always making her melt. “It's just,” she found herself saying after long minutes, “this is such an important day not just for us, but for Elide. It's her first book tour and I want it to go well. I would hate it if something went wrong.”

“Nothing will go wrong,” Rowan assured his wife.

“Unless you've developed psychic abilities overnight,” Aelin said, her voice taking on her snarky tone when she was getting stressed, “there is not possible way you could know that.”

“No, I have not developed clairvoyant skills, but I know that things will work out because you were there every step of the way planning this event with Elide and her team, it will work out spectacularly.” He had helped when he could, but Aelin was best at planning things in their relationship. She knew when things needed to be better or more organised, her passion for creating eventful nights making them unforgettable—like his thirty-fifth birthday; months later and he was still finding eco-friendly glitter in their apartment. It was her passion that made the shop better, that made it inviting and comforting. Her passion helped Rowan to fall in love with the store he inherited from his late parents again. He had been weeks away from deciding to sell when Aelin first arrived, her golden hair practically blinding him from how brightly it shined.

Rowan didn't really like her at first (he didn't really like anyone back then), because she was just so damned loud and kept buying books that he loathed to restock because that meant dealing with people and orders and delivery drivers when all he wanted to do was to be left alone and look for work that didn't have to deal with the general public.

But things slowly started to change during her visits, when he was actually looking forward to her coming over instead of dreading it. Their friendship had started in the most unexpected of ways—the day that Aelin had purchased a book about living with infertility, and Rowan had sensed that if he said the wrong thing, then she would lash out from her vulnerability; so Rowan confessed to her that he had his own cousin, Sellene, had issues with fertility, but lived a completely well-rounded life and was happy.

The smile that Aelin gave Rowan when he said that...he would never forget it in a million years. It was full of relief, that he wasn't going to go on a tangent about how she wasn't trying hard enough to fix her fertility—all the shitty things he had overheard his older relatives say to Sellene.

And instead of leaving after buying her book, Aelin stayed and they talked until he closed, and hours after that, Aelin ordering pizza in the middle of it and they both devoured the food, and he walked her home. Aelin came over twice a day after that, until Rowan finally gathered the courage to ask her out, and here he was seven years later.

Rowan kissed her once more. “And if things go terribly wrong, then I'll help you forget.”

Aelin raised a golden brow. “And how will you do that?”

Rowan smirked and nipped her jaw. “With my teeth and tongue, Fireheart.” He chuckled at the sudden intake of breath from his wife and planted kisses along the column of her throat. Aelin leaned into him, but he moved away, grabbing his coffee to get the newspaper out front.

With a wink, he left his flustered wife, laughing under his breath when she called him a buzzard.

It was going to be a good day.

X X X X X X

It was the busiest Friday they had in several weeks, and Aelin wondered if it was because they knew that Elide was having her author talk that very night, and maybe some were hoping to meet her for free—but Elide wasn't going to be in the shop for hours. The last time Elide had texted her, she and Lorcan were going to lunch.

Sometimes, she couldn't believe her friend was a fully-fledged author. It was both of their dreams, and Aelin was utterly ecstatic that Elide had the courage to send her books out into the world. It was still Aelin's dream, but she was constantly doubting herself, and would talk herself down from pursuing that path.

One day, hopefully, she would learn to tell herself to shut up and reach out to potential publishers.

Finishing up her gift-wrapping, Aelin handed over the bundle of books to her latest customer when she overheard giggling.

It didn't take her long to find the source of the sound. Two teenage girls were currently ogling Rowan as he reached up to a high shelf for a short customer, his shirt rising up to expose a good amount of tanned, muscled skin.

Honestly, Aelin couldn't blame the girls. It was often she noticed this when she was on the shop floor, as she was often in the back dealing with the financial aspect of the business when she wasn't at her actual job at Doranelle University Library, but she had taken the last two weeks off to ensure that everything went well for this event tonight.

As long as adults didn't do it, she couldn't care less, otherwise she often felt like some damned territorial beast on the verge of baring her teeth and snapping at people to not undress her husband with her eyes.

Rowan liked it when she got territorial, and wished she did it more often.

Oblivious to the girls giggling, her husband kept reaching for more and more books, his skin on continuous display.

Maybe she should take more time off at work, since the views here were much better than looking at the faces of exhausted students.

Smiling, Aelin helped the next customer.

X X X X X X

Aelin's leg was bouncing anxiously next to Rowan, his wife fidgeting with her hands, swirling her emerald and gold ring around and around her finger.

In turn, it was making him nervous because seeing Aelin nervous set his whole system on fire—it was a rare sight to see her like this, but no matter how many encouraging words he would say, she wouldn't be calm until everything was done and went off without a hitch.

They were sitting in the front row, all the seats around and behind them full of eagerly awaiting fans to hear Elide talk about her new book in her series, their excitement-filled chatter reaching his ears. Lorcan was in the back, because Aelin had told him that while she liked that he was going on the book tour with Elide, his considerable height would be blocking people's view of Elide. To which he responded that people came to see Elide to hear her talk, not to look at her.

The scathing look from Aelin had Lorcan rolling his eyes but he went to the back, his considerable height no longer an issue—although Rowan did feel bad for the girl that was sitting behind him, considering he was six-four and broad, but there was no doubt that Aelin would let him move, so he stayed and would do his best not to ruin the night for those that he was blocking.

When Rowan noticed that it was 6:55, he brushed a kiss on Aelin's cheek and wished her luck as she went up to the spot where Elide would be talking, with Aelin asking the questions.

“Breathe,” he mouthed to her, and Aelin did, and as soon as she opened her mouth, the words came out smoothly and without a hint of her nerves—just as he knew they would.

X X X X X X

The night was a success, just like Rowan said and would be, and Aelin was still giddy hours later. After the talk, she helped take photos of fans with Elide, got out all the sharpies that she had purchased recently from the grocery store to ensure that Elide didn't run out of ink—because people wanted her to sign all of the books they owned by here and Elide was more than happy to do so.

Afterwards, Elide and Lorcan followed Aelin and Rowan into their apartment upstairs for dinner and Aelin was feeling just a little bit wine drunk, but she was just happy that everything worked out well and that Elide got to live her dreams.

Aelin and Rowan were currently down stairs, tidying up as they usually did just before they went to bed, with Rowan taking mental notes of all the shelves that were practically empty—because while people were waiting in line to get Elide's signature, they browsed the store and filled their colourful tote bags with mountains of books.

He wasn't complaining, but he still didn't like having to deal with restocking, but he would live.

Aelin was gazing dreamily at the cutout of the main character of Elide's story when Rowan came up next to her. “You could do it, you know,” Rowan said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“I know,” was all she said.

“Then why don't you?” He read her stuff all the time, and maybe he was biased because she was his wife and soulmate, but he fucking loved her work, loved the detailed writing and descriptions that made it feel as if he was in the world she made up. But she knew how much he loved her stories, so instead of repeating himself, he said, “Elide could help you. She's been in the industry for a while now. So I'm sure whatever question you have, she can answer.”

“I know,” she said again, still just staring at the cutout. She turned to him, a determined look on his face. “How about we make a deal.”

Rowan raised a brow. “Okay...?” it wasn't often that Aelin included him in her schemes, usually preferring to shock him into an early grave.

She gave him a smile that told him she had been thinking about her idea for a while now, and was just waiting for the perfect moment to reveal it. “You start selling your drawings and I'll talk to Elide.”

“What drawings?” he said instantly, the years of having to hide to drawings from his nosy cousins still annoyed him and any mention of them had him wanting to deny he ever knew how to hold a pencil—not that his drawings were ever crude but nothing was sacred in the Whitethorn house he lived in after the death of his parents.

Aelin scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I've been with you for seven years, I've seen you drawing—they even line our walls. You start selling them—we have plenty of empty frames hanging around—and I'll talk to Elide. Deal?”

It only took him a single heartbeat to realise why she was offering him this. Rowan's drawings were personal, as were her stories, so if Aelin had to open herself like that by giving the world her stories, then he could give away little pieces of himself, too.

“Deal,” he said because he would staple his drawings all over the city if it helped Aelin get her foot in the door, to help her with her dream that he knew she could achieve.

Her face deflated for just a second before she righted herself. Clearly, she wasn't expecting him to agree so quickly. But if she wanted to take her time, then he would give her all the time in the world.

“Deal,” Aelin said and even held her hand out. Rolling his eyes playfully, Rowan shook her hand.

When Aelin went to drop his hand, he lingered, and brought her closer to him. With a smirk, Rowan said, “I can think of a better way to close our agreement.”

Aelin raised an eyebrow. “And how would you do that?”

“With my teeth and tongue, Fireheart,” he said, repeating his words from earlier this morning.

Aelin crashed her mouth onto his, and Rowan closed their deal right in the middle of the shop floor, not at all caring that their friends were right above them.

Aelin thanked the gods that she had come into this shop over seven years ago to escape the boredom of her old apartment. Thank the rutting gods for bringing the ever-scowling man into her life.

[fandom-imagines]

Thank you

Fandom: Death Note

Pairing: L X Reader

Warnings: Emotional and physical abuse.

Words: 3k

A/N: I’m in a death note phase again. I wrote this instead of doing my essay oops.

Being the girlfriend of a worldwide, secret detective was hard.

Relationships were hard enough as it is but having to make sure both the partners names were kept hidden made it even harder. Then there’s the constant travelling that takes place along with many other things.

Basically, the relationship between L Lawliet and Y/N Y/S/N was a complicated one. Don’t get me wrong, they were both madly in love with the other, but that didn’t make it any less hard.

“Y/N!” A high-pitched voice sounded from behind the aforementioned couple.

That’s Misa, Y/N’s best friend and often co-worker. The two met at a photoshoot where they became fast friends, the pair being able to work together due to their celebrity status.

“Hi, Misa.” A soft smile crawled onto the Y/H/C-haired girls’ lips.

She usually loved seeing Misa, but today all she wanted was to go back to her house and chill, maybe with Lawliet, maybe not. Who knows? Not her.

“Hi, Ryuzaki.” Misa greeted her best friends’ boyfriend, albeit unknowingly, before grasping her small hand around Y/N’s arm. “Bye, Ryuzaki!” Were her final words as she dragged Y/N away, unaware that she was desperately mouthing “sorry” towards her boyfriend.

~

“Light won’t even take me on a date, Y/N/N!” Misa whined, still talking about her ‘boyfriend’, “Isn’t that so unfair?”

“Very.” Y/N mumbled, turning the page on her magazine which lay in front of her.

She was currently lying across Misa’s bed, the pink sheets creasing beneath her. The girl’s legs were crossed in the air, the entire weight of her body being placed solely on her stomach. The magazine she was reading was something she had bought on the way back to Misa’s, hoping to share opinions on outfits or gossip about latest celebrities, something that the pair had done since they met.

“Are you even listening, Y/N/N?” The blonde continued to whine upon realizing that her friend was no longer listening to her boy drama.

“Sorry, just deep in thought.” Y/N’s words weren’t necessarily a lie, she was deep in thought just not about something she wished to share.

Misa didn’t know about Lawliet and Y/N’s relationship, nobody did. That was how they liked it. No one could intervene, no drama or anything of the sort.  Just the two of them, happy, together.

Oh how she longed to be with him right now. The two of them together, even if they were just sitting in HQ together whilst working on the Kira case that they had been working on for months now. That was how they had met: the Kira case.

Y/N knew of his involvement, her father worked as a detective, similar to Lights. That was how she joined the investigation despite being a student. Both her father and close friend, Light, recommended her.

However, that friendship was slowly fading as she found out more and more evidence that made her suspect Light of being Kira. She’s smart, very smart, that’s why she got along with both geniuses. She fit in well with the two. But the more she investigated the case, the more she realized that Light could possibly be behind the mass murders that were causing terror across the world, especially Japan.

“Ooh! What about? Is it a boy?” Misa was now sat up on the ground, arms wrapped tightly around the yellow pillow that she was previously sitting on. Her loose blonde locks fell down her back as well as over the pillow. She looked absolutely beautiful.

How did Light not love her back?

“Shut up.” The other girl huffed, tossing a pillow from Misa’s bed into the face of the owner, giggling as Misa fell backwards onto the soft carpet before bursting into a fit of giggles herself.

“You have to tell me!” The words left Misa’s lips between giggles as she recomposed herself.

“No!”

“Yes~”

The two argued back and forth for around five minutes before giving up, and bursting into a giggle fit once again, something that was common between the pair.

“So, you like someone?” Misa wiggled her eyebrows in amusement at the fact that her best friend was finally interested in someone other than fictional characters. “Tell me everything.”

Without revealing who it was, Y/N began to tell her about her ‘crush’, despite said crush actually being her boyfriend of a few months now. Ensuring that no significant details were released which could identify the man, she told her everything. Blushing was something new to her, but neither Misa nor Y/N complained. It was a refreshing change for them both.

“Wow,” The model let out a breath she wasn’t aware that she was holding once Y/N had poured her heart out, slightly at least. “I never knew you were capable of such feelings, Y/N/N!”

“Stop teasing me~” Y/N’s hands covered her blushing face, words becoming muffled behind the skin. “This is embarrassing enough as it is,” a groan left her lips as she continued her sentence. “Besides, I doubt he even likes me back.” The final words were mumbled, self-doubt settling in as she realized that her boyfriend might not actually love her.

Logically, Y/N knew that L wouldn’t use her, or at least she hopes, and that he genuinely did value her and her opinion. He enjoyed her company and didn’t find her annoying. He really did love her, despite not having admitted it.

“Sure he does! You’re great, Y/N/N.” Misa grinned at her best friend, unknowingly providing her with a source of comfort.

“Thanks, Misa.” A sigh left the other girls lips, a sinking feeling of doubt looming over her. “I should probably get home, it’s getting late. Goodnight, Misa.”

“Goodnight, Y/N!”

~

Instead of heading home Y/N decided to take a late-night stroll.

The dark sky was littered with bright stars, a nice change from the usual plain nights sky in Japan. It gave an almost comforting feel to the stroller, reminding her of her childhood when she would stay up late to stare up at the midnight sky with a genuine belief that it was the world watching over her, much like the moon which was ‘following’ her everywhere she went to make sure she was safe.

It was childish, yes, but she was a child so what do you expect?

The Y/H/C-haired girl observed her breath as she exhaled. It was cold which wasn’t a huge surprise considering that it was nearing December now; winter time. Despite being extremely cold, she decided that it wasn’t time to head home just yet. Her mind wasn’t entirely clear and it wasn’t exactly in her best interest to go home with an overthinking mind, so he continued her walk.

The sound of her shoes hitting the ground was one of the only things she could hear other than the occasional passing car or truck. The streetlights lit up her view, being the only thing that did so and Y/N internally thanked whoever put them up considering she wouldn’t be able to use the torch on her phone as it had died long ago. The odd passing-by car provided her with some light also, although it wasn’t much.

It wasn’t until around 1am when she finally decided she should head home.

~

The house was deadly silent as she entered, but the lights were still alight, leaving the daughter of the local baker and detective confused.

“Mum?” The girls voice was slightly quiet in case she was asleep whilst still being loud enough for anyone seated downstairs to hear.

“Where have you been?!” Her mothers voice was incredibly loud, making Y/N cringe and wince. “I’ve been worried sick! How could you make your mom worry like this?”

Ah, there comes the guilt tripping. Y/N’s thoughts were awfully loud, and she cursed herself internally.

“Sorry, mom.” A frown had made its way onto her lips as she apologized.

Sure, she probably should have warned her that she was going for a walk, but there was no need to guilt trip her.

“You should be. Now go to your room!”

She simply ran upstairs.

~

The bags under Y/Ns’ eyes almost matched Ryuzaki’s the following day.

She hadn’t gotten any sleep that night as she replayed every bad moment with her mother sine childhood and believe me, there was a lot of them.

Her mother hadn’t been the best parent to say the least. She was never physically abusive, but the mental scars from her words and actions had taken a toll on her daughter throughout the years.

“Are you okay?” Lights words were full of concern upon noticing the girls tired composure. The way she stood further proved that she was exhausted considering how she was slumped over. Hands shaking also, Light was genuinely concerned, despite his status as Kira, something he knew that she suspected. “You look terrible, no offence.”

“I’m fine.” Her words were quiet, almost silent, too wrapped up in her own thoughts to give a completely response but she figured those words would suffice and he would hopefully leave her alone.

Whilst concerned, Light knew not to push things when someone didn’t want to talk, so he didn’t push it further, favouring to ask if she was going to the HQ later which she was.

“Ryuzaki isn’t in today,” Lights words caught her attention, finally pulling her from her trance, “he’s working on the investigation.”

“Oh,” while her response was short, the criminal still cheered internally, glad that he had stopped her worrying, even if it was for a split second.

~

For the entire day she was completely ‘out of it’, unable to concentrate or even form a coherent sentence and she mentally kicked herself at her so-called failure. However she was slightly grateful that there was no exam today, knowing she would have most definitely failed. She probably wouldn’t have been able to write more than three words.

Y/N’s walk to HQ was lonely as she desperately craved some human contact.

She really needed a hug.

As though in a trance, the girl scanned herself into HQ and headed towards the main room where she knew everyone would be.

“Hi, Y/N,” Matsuda’s cheerful greeting caught Ryuzaki’s attention. Well, more like the name of the person he was greeting.

Nobody could have known however, unaware of the short-lived glance he had spared towards her. This short glance told him a lot: she hadn’t slept, she was deep in thought and she felt… crap.

This worried the detective immensely. He really did care for the girl; a lot more than he would admit. Not that he didn’t want to, he just didn’t know how she would react and didn’t want to risk facing rejection.

It would hurt.

“Hi.” The response she gave Matsuda was blunt, emotionless which L wasn’t happy to hear.

She never used that tone. She was usually cheerful. It must be bad.

“You guys can go for a break. You’ve been here most of today and it’s not nearing 5pm.” L’s words matched his girlfriends tone as usual, uncaring about the relief his words had just provided the others on the case. “Except you.” His gaze was now fixated on his love, making her internally curse at herself for being so obvious about her low mood.

The raven-haired detective waited for everyone to leave, stare unmoving as he observed Y/N’s every move and she walked towards the chair opposite him.

“What is it?” Y/N’s gaze was cast towards the ground, not wanting L to see her like this. “I’m sorry.” Her words were quick, worried that he was going to say something that would simply upset her more. “I-I didn’t mean too.”

L’s cold hand gently grasped her chin, lifting her face so that they could look at each other and he cringed slightly as he saw the tear threatening to fall from her eyes.

Okay, he is now really worried.

“What’s wrong?” His words were quiet but still laced with genuine concern, along with his eyes. “You can tell me.”

“It’s nothing, really.” The words stumbled from her lips, only worrying him more. “C-can I just go today? Please.”

L simply nodded, watching as she dashed from the HQ and out of his sight.

~

“Why do you keep disappearing?” Y/N’s mothers voice was the first thing she heard as she walked through the door.

“Please, leave me alone.” Y/N begged, simply wishing to be alone.

She made an attempt to dash upstairs, only to be stopped by her mothers tight grip around her wrist as she spun her around to face her. A hash slap hit the younger girls face with such a force that they both knew would leave a mark the following day.

“Y-Y/N…” Upon realisation of what she had just done, her tight grip around her daughters wrist loosened, hand dropping to her side.

“Never talk to me again.” YN’s words were quiet yet laced with venom before she finally dashed up to her room, one goal in mind:

Leave.

Her movements were quick as she packed her bag, tears leaking from her eyes in both pain and sadness,

Within minutes her bag was packed, tossed over her shoulder before she ran downstairs.

“Please don’t leave.” Her mother’s plead fell on deaf ears, the only response coming from the closing of the door as she watched her daughter leave, neither of them knowing if she would ever return.

~

It was cold. Very cold and Y/N cursed herself for not bringing a jacket, being in a skirt and t-shirt which was the same outfit she had worn to school today.

Shivering, she began her long walk towards HQ, something she knew would take a long time.

~

“What happened to you?” Detective Yagami’s voice was filled with panic upon seeing the tear stains on her cheeks as well as the bright red bruising hand-mark.

Lawliet payed no attention  to his remark, simply assuming that Matsuda had had a clumsy accident yet again.

“Please, can I just sit down?” Was what captured his attention, the soft and exhausted voice being one he recognised immediately.

“O-of course.” Soichiro’s words were rushed as he signalled towards the seat he had previously occupied which Y/N gratefully took.

L spun on his chair to look at the girl, breath hitching as he took in her appearance.

He caught her gaze and she had looked up after hearing the spinning of the chair and she thanked whatever gods there were that it was simply the three of them.

“Detective Yagami would you mind if we have a moment?” L’s stare was unmoving as Yagami nodded, leaving the room.

“R-Ryu…” Her voice sounded broken, eyes filled with pain and he soon noticed the bag on the ground, quickly coming to the conclusion that something had happened at home, presumably with her mother, and she had ran away.

L quickly climbed onto his feet, opening his arms which Y/N gladly ran into, breaking down into sobs. His hand placed itself on her hair, burying itself into her hair as her face buried into his chest. L was uncaring as her tears soaked through his white tee; he only cared that she was okay. They stood like that for a long time, L providing comfort she didn’t know she needed.

“Come on,” L broke the silence as his girlfriend calmed down, her breath evening out, “lets get you to a room.” He offered her a hand as she pulled away, one she took with extreme gratitude, appreciating that it must have been hard for him to give her any affection.

Their hands never parted as they climbed the stairs of the HQ, heading towards Y/N’s new room. Ryuzaki had thrown her bag over his shoulder, the heavy weight of the bag not affecting him one bit.

The room was empty, and it was clear nobody was staying there.

The noise of the bag dropping to the ground was loud, startling Y/N whilst Lawliet remained unaffected, having been the one that had caused the noise; not that it would have scared him anyway.

Y/N was led towards the made bed by the detective, sitting herself down as he wordlessly instructed before taking a seat beside her.

“I’m sorry for being such a bother.” She apologised, making L shake his head in disagreement.

“You could never be a bother, Y/N. Not to me.” His words were less monotone than usual, less devoid of feeling. There was a genuine tone coming from him. “Matsuda’s a bother, not you.” He spoke which made the shorter girl chuckle, something she felt she hadn’t done in ages, despite it having only been a day, #

“Thanks, Ryu. For everything.”

“It’s my pleasure.” His arm wrapped around her shoulder, pulling her closely towards him until her warmth was felt by him. “I-“ He paused as he began to speak, extremely aware of what he was about to say.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked, confused at his sudden silence.

“I love you.” His words were quiet, almost unheard had it not been for the fact that the room was deadly silent.

The pair fell into an awkward silence for a moment before L got up to leave, apologising as he did so.

“Wait,” Y/N’s hand wrapped around his own, “I love you too.”

A small smile made its way onto both of their lips, L walking back over to the girl until he was stood directly in front of her. She watched closely as he bent down, unsure of what he was about to do. The second his lips touched her forehead a huge blush flowed across her cheeks.

“R-Ryu…?” Her embarrassed voice sounded, the only response she earned from him being a small smile before he gave her a pat on the head, turning to leave.

“Thank you.” She called, making him stop in the doorway.

“Anytime, Y/N/N.” The use of the nickname only made her blush harder.

[rogueonestan]

ch 18 -“‘til our paths cross.”

pairing: the mandalorian (din djarin) x f!reader / ofc

word count: 8.3k

summary: after learning the one thing you have kept as a secret, din reflects on the time he has spent with you. in doing so, he comes to a conclusion that will forever change your paths.

a/n: hi im back with another update a month later. i tried uploading this last week but tumblr was acting funny so i wanted to wait a little bit until i tried posting it again. hope you enjoy!

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The dead silence in the Crest isn’t enough to put a stop to the thoughts that are currently going through Din’s mind. 

He almost forgot how much he can no longer stand the silence. It’s something he got used to for such a long time. Nearly every night was filled with dead silence, but now not a day has passed without any noise thanks to you and the kid- not that he’s complaining. If only that were the case right now.

Even when his head is spinning with thought after thought, the only thing Din can focus on at the moment is the humming of hyperspace. He thought that being alone is exactly what he needed, but it isn’t helping the slightest. Usually being alone helped Din sort through his thoughts in the past, distracting himself by getting away from everything, but not this time. 

It reminds him of a time when his afternoons were spent like this. He’s gotten so used to his days being filled with noise that he forgot what it was like to be in complete silence, and it’s something he hasn’t missed in the slightest. This should be the perfect place for Din to clear his head, but it isn’t. As hard as he tries, he can’t seem to process everything that has happened in the past day or so. When you returned back to the Crest after everything that happened on Nevarro, Din’s first instinct was to be alone with his thoughts, thanks to his old habits. He can’t focus on what he’s thinking longer than for a minute- so much is on his mind as the ship is in transit. Everything had changed just by one afternoon spent in the cantina that the two of you had grown so familiar with. One moment you’re trying to lure an ex-Imperial officer to his death and the next, you’re trying to survive a shootout. 

Then the next thing Din knows, he finds out that you’re considered to be an enemy. A Jedi. 

He doesn’t even know what it means to be a Jedi, or even what a Jedi is, but based on what the Armorer told him, it sounded like they’re the enemy of his people. 

He feels as conflicted now as he did then. 

Even though you don’t consider yourself to be a Jedi anymore, you still knew about the strange abilities the kid has and didn’t mention anything to him about it. You even recognized what species the child was when you found him and still didn’t mention anything. 

The more he thinks about it, the more questions he has. 

Why didn’t you ever mention anything about the Jedi? Did you not trust him enough? Or was it something you weren’t proud of? 

You were never one to shy away from reminiscing about your past. You’ve told Din plenty of tales from your childhood, and even when the galaxy was at war, but never your time with the Jedi. Something must have happened with your time with them. 

Maybe that’s something he can ask you about once the Crest jumps out of hyperspace. 

Glancing behind him, Din follows the source of the only sound in the cockpit. The child is still fast asleep in his makeshift bed, unbothered by his surroundings. The long day all three of you had obviously got to him as well. A sigh leaves Din’s modulator as he continues to glance at the sleeping child in front of him. Usually this would help him ease his nerves, but nothing seems to be helping with the thoughts gnawing at his brain. 

Why didn’t you say anything to him? 

Din’s told you things that he hasn’t told anyone in years, hell, he doesn’t think he’s ever told anyone the things that he has shared with you, but you haven’t shown him the same courtesy. There have been so many opportunities for you to do so, but you never spoke up. There have been so many times that you could have explained things, made it easier for Din to understand the strange child, but you didn’t. You only kept your mouth shut when Din was confused about what was going on with the kid.

Though he understands why you never mentioned your history with the Jedi, afraid you would be putting yourself in harm’s way if you did, it still doesn’t help with the tight knot in his stomach. It would have been a difficult conversation to have, sure, but you still would have shown the full trust you have in him by telling him the entire truth- not hiding it until you were forced to explain yourself. 

Shaking his head, he immediately disregards the thought. He can’t blame you for a decision that clearly has haunted you on a daily basis. 

There’s a reason why you never told him before and you told him why when the two of you were in the hull just a few hours ago. You were afraid.

You were afraid that if you told him about who you were, you were going to be either killed or turned in as a bounty. 

Being on the run simply because you were raised by the Jedi was all you knew for years, and Din can’t blame you for that. He doesn’t know how long you were with the Jedi or when you began distancing yourself from their ways, all he knows is that you did it to protect yourself. if you hadn’t, then your paths wouldn’t have crossed.

It’s not an easy thing to digest, but Din knows the decision to hide this from him must have not been easy. It’s not easy to open yourself up to someone you’ve only known for a short period of time, especially when you have been stabbed in the back on multiple occasions in the past. Din knows that feeling all too well. There have been things Din hasn’t told you, or spared you the details of, because he wanted you to protect you. Though the details were minor like playing off an injury he got from a fight or something bad that happened that day- he understands why maybe you never revealed your past to him. 

There must have been a good reason for it. You wouldn’t have made that choice with a blink of an eye. It would have been one of the most difficult decisions you’ve ever made. You’ve always been so open with him about everything. It hurts for Din to think about why you never told him about it before, but he tries to not think about it too hard. 

Maybe that’s just how you were raised. Keeping certain truths away from others to protect them. You never judged Din for the customs he grew up with the Mandalorians, so he can’t judge you too harshly on the customs the Jedi raised you with. He may not know exactly what they are, but he can’t judge you too much until he learns more about them. You’ve shown him that same courtesy, always asking questions about the Mandalorians and their traditions without any judgement, even when you knew about the history your two people have with one another. The least he can do is show you the same courtesy. 

The Mandalorians always told him to be wary of who to trust. If you trust everyone that comes in your path, then you’re bound to have others taking advantage of your naivety. Perhaps you were raised with similar principles. 

The Jedi can seem like mysterious people to outsiders. The outside world knows hardly anything about them, even when they were highly renowned during the Clone Wars. All people knew during that time is that they had weird powers that wielded laser swords. No one really knew what their beliefs were or what their Code was. All most people knew is that they would try their best to help others by siding with the Republic. 

Without knowing, the many things Din admires about you is because you were raised by. Throughout your journey together, you’ve shown him your true colors. You’ve tried your hardest to let that part of your life go, but the teachings of those who raised you have been engraved in your mind. You’ve shown this to your partner by your willingness to help the defenseless on multiple occasions.

The first time Din was able to see this side of you was when you received the bounty puck to retrieve the child. It seems like such a long time since that day. Before arriving on Arvala-7, you always kept your mouth shut when it came to a job you disagreed with. You always told Din how you felt about a job, but this was the first time you told him how you really felt. You refused to bring an innocent child into the hands of the Empire. He was only a child.  The kid would be defenseless and you knew that you had the power to do something about it. You couldn’t just step aside and let the Imperials do whatever they pleased- you had to stop them. 

You always put the kid’s well-being before your own while he was in your care. You put yourself in danger during the short fight with the Trandoshans to make sure the child remained safe, and kept an eye on him when the three of you were returning back to Nevarro to hand him over to the men who hired you. During the ride back, Din made sure you were safe as well. 

The relationship between the two of you changed during this trip. He was able to see how caring you were towards strangers you just met, something he hadn’t seen in you before. You ensured other people’s safety before your own. 

Before you took this job, you always showed a tough exterior to the outside world, but you showed Din the real you. You showed kindness and empathy towards others. You were finally beginning to grow comfortable with his company, which is something not many can say. Something about the kid changed something deep within you, and Din cannot be more grateful.

If it weren’t for you and your kind nature, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you the things that he has over the past several months. When your walls came down, his came down as well. He shared a few things with you at this point, but your relationship only began to grow since that day. Your compassion let him see you, not his bounty hunter partner, but you. You had qualities he hadn’t seen in another person in a long time- he almost forgot what it was like for someone to do something out of the kindness of their heart, not because they felt obligated to. 

And that’s what Din admires about you. When you know something is wrong, you aren’t afraid to say so. You were wary from the start, saying how you weren’t sure if you should even go through with this job in the first place, but went through with it anyway because Din told you to. You put your own personal beliefs to the side for the job’s sake. When you found out that the bounty you tracked was a kid, you weren’t afraid to voice your concerns. There have been times where you felt uncomfortable with a few jobs you were tasked with, but you never accepted a job where it was an innocent child. 

You couldn’t find it within you to go through with it. If you did, then would there be a limit to what the two of you would or wouldn’t do? You had to put your own emotions to the side during your hunts, but you showed Din that you had a heart, a conscience, during this adventure. Not many hunters showed this part of themselves in the Guild. Din got used to seeing blank stares in the cantina back on Nevarro, but seeing the intimate interaction between you and the kid showed him just how different you are from the other hunters. Almost none of them would have been able to express themselves the same way you did that afternoon.

Without realizing it, that afternoon changed everything for Din. Everyone he knew had such difficulty connecting with others, but you were able to do it with such ease with the kid. It took a long time for you to be like that with Din, but you were able to eventually tell him stories from your past. The relationship you had was slowly growing from strictly professional to friendly by the occasional banter you would have. If it weren’t for the kid entering your lives, then your relationship wouldn’t have grown into what it is today. Neither of the walls you or Din put up wouldn’t have been able to come down.

Not once did you ever grow irritated by the little information Din shared with you about the Mandalorians when you asked about them. Before meeting, you knew very little about his people, but with time, you consider yourself lucky to learn more about them each day that passed by. By this, you asked the questions that came across your mind rather than making an assumption. He would give you vague answers at first, not wanting to reveal too much just in case you parted ways, but with time and patience, you were able to learn more about them than you ever imagined, even more so when you decided to stay by his side when he decided to rescue the child from the Imperial safehouse.

“I’m with you until the very end,”  You told him that day. Those words haven’t left his mind since that afternoon. Even when you hardly knew a thing about him, you still showed him where your true loyalty stands: with him- not the Guild, but him. It’s something he hasn’t been able to forget. 

One of the most important things to the Mandalorians is sticking with those you care for and keeping your word, and you showed that to Din when you supported him with one of the most difficult decisions he’s ever made. Not many would have made the decision you did. Many would have left his side, or even tip off other hunters, but not you. You always were different from other hunters. That day, Din was able to see who you really were. Not only were you kind and patient towards a child when you thought your partner wasn’t paying attention, but you also showed one of the most important virtues regarded to his people: undying loyalty. It’s one thing to say you will never leave someone’s side, but it’s another to actually stay true to your word. You never once made Din question where your loyalty is, and that’s something he can’t take lightly. 

What he didn’t realize until recently is the purpose he has. Things can easily get messy and complicated in this galaxy. When you both agreed to have a shared partnership, Din knew that you would be under his protection and he would do anything to make sure nothing bad happened to you, but what he didn’t realize was just how important your safety is to him until a few weeks ago. When deciding to take the kid in, he saw how he can use his training for good instead of bad. Instead of taking a life, he now can ensure the safety of two. Now, he’s not some hunter- he’s a protector of now two lives, and he’s been able to prove that by the several dangerous situations the three of you have been in together. From a cantina brawl on a random planet to that pazaak situation you accidentally put yourself in, to the weeks you spent on Sorgan, Din’s been able to keep the three of you safe even when a great danger exposes itself. 

The threat on Sorgan didn’t seem that bad at first, only a group of outsiders stirring up trouble with the local village, but things only escalated the longer you were there. The real threat exposed itself when inspecting the nearby area. The outsiders not only were greater in size, but they also had an AT-ST in their possession. The odds didn’t seem to be in your favor at that point, but with great determination and training, you were able to help the local village fight off the attackers. Din was hesitant to help at first, thinking that the odds were too great, but you disagreed. You believed that with the villagers’ support, you would be able to help them with their raider problem. Instead of worrying if they would survive the next harvest, they would be able to work in peace. And you were right- with hard work and perseverance, the attacks were finally put to an end with one final confrontation. 

After that night, the majority of the time you spent in the village was almost pure bliss. If you hadn’t been so persistent in helping them, then none of that would have happened. Din wouldn’t have been able to see the kind of life that he’s always thought of. Most of his life has been spent in hiding, whether it was literally hiding in the Mandalorian covert for so many years or it was hiding himself from the galaxy, Din never knew what it would be like to stay in a place that reminded him so much of home village before it was taken away from him. It wasn’t something he thought he wanted until he saw it right in front of his eyes. 

He never saw the true beauty of a community until the three of you became a part of one- for the time being at least. He never spent as much time with the villagers as you had, but he saw the charm in it. The villagers never hesitated to ask for help from himself or you, but seemed much more comfortable asking you. When they did, you always agreed with a giant smile on your face. It was something Din hadn’t seen before. You were always willing to help others when they needed it, but he’s never seen you this carefree before. 

Nobody had to worry about the dangers the next day would bring. The problems here on Sorgan almost seem minuscule compared to the ones you had when you went rogue from the Guild. You were preoccupied with your worries before arriving on the peaceful planet that you forgot what it was like to not worry about a thing. Instead of chatting about your worries, you were finally able to pass the time by the conversations you two would have throughout the day. One morning, in particular, pops up in his mind- the final day you spent at the village before you were forced to leave. 

That morning, Din told you things he hadn’t told anyone for as long as he can remember. He told you what his childhood was like, how similar his village was to the one you were currently staying at. He hadn’t felt this peaceful since he was a boy. 

It was something he missed greatly. He’s missed the feeling of connecting with another person- he never let himself grow too close with someone ever since he lost his parents. Losing them was bad enough, he wouldn’t be able to handle the heartache of losing someone else he cares deeply for. The only person he’s allowed himself to grow close with is you. 

He’s missed the feeling of not doing much during the day. Most of his days were spent completing task after task, never having a moment to enjoy the little things. To the average person, seeing a town go on with their daily lives may not seem that spectacular, but it brought comfort to Din. His days were always filled with adventure, never knowing what the next day might bring, but seeing the everyday lives of the villagers brought a fire in his belly as warm as your hand had felt that morning. It’s a feeling he hasn’t been able to forget. 

It’s been such a long time since he’s had such an intimate moment with another person that he can remember almost everything about that moment. He can remember how fast his heart was racing when your fingers intertwined with his, how the weight resting in his hand replaced the weight he felt on his chest, or the feeling he got in his stomach when his eyes locked with yours when you were silently listening to him. No matter how hard he tries, that moment isn’t able to leave his brain. It’s the only thing that has been playing on repeat late at night. 

It was a simple gesture from you, a silent sign of support as he continued to tell you the fate of his parents. It was difficult for him to do, the words barely left his mouth as he described the destruction of his home, but you were patient with him, as you always have been. You never interrupted him or grew restless with how long it took him. If it took him a millennium to say something, even if it was just one detail, you would be more than willing to wait for what he has to say. 

And that’s another thing that he admires about you. Not only have you been nothing but patient when it comes to him opening up to you, but you also have such a gift when it comes to connecting with others. After describing such an awful memory, you were sympathetic towards him by revealing the similar fate your parents suffered as well. It wasn’t easy, but you did it so that he wouldn’t feel as alone. 

You both had similar upbringings and were adopted into different cultures, but those who raised you shaped into who you are today.  For Din, he closed himself off from others so that he wouldn’t have to experience losing anyone else, but you were the complete opposite. Instead of closing yourself off from the galaxy, you never let your past experience of losing someone stop you from forming relationships with others. A wall was always put up from being vulnerable with almost anyone you met, but you let it down when you finally met someone you trusted completely, like Din. It took a while for you to get to this point with him, but he’s the first person you’ve been completely raw with since the fall of your people. 

That same wall lowered the same day you arrived at the village. Something about the locals made you immediately trust them, Din noticed. It’s something he hadn’t seen in you before. Thanks to that feeling, you were able to help them with their problem. Instead of backing down when things got tough, you never took ‘no’ for an answer when it came to helping them. Despite all of the trouble you’ve had in the past, of others using your good nature against you, you never lost faith in the village, believing that with their help, the raidings would be put to an end. You were right. With their help, all of their problems stopped. 

That’s something that Din still struggles with- seeing the good in every situation. As much as he tries to, his pessimistic side always gets the best of him. He thought that the odds were too great to provoke the intruders, but he was wrong. If it weren’t for you, then who knows what would’ve been the fate of the village. Ever since that day, he tries to see the light of every situation, but that gets hard at times. There were many times when Din doubted the battle would be won in your favor, but thanks to your selfless act to protect the villagers, everything turned out alright in the end. 

From that battle to the last morning you spent there on Sorgan, Din hasn’t been able to forget about the time you spent together. As much as he tries to, he can’t stop replaying the simple gesture of both of your hands touching for the first time. It wasn’t even an extraordinary moment at the time, just a small sign to show your patience with him, but for some reason, the moment hasn’t been able to leave his mind. Even when his mind is filled with so many thoughts late at night, he gets the same feeling in his stomach as he did when you put your hand in his. 

Hand holding is still as tender now as it was then, even with the multiple times you’ve done it at this point. It’s a sign of showing support towards each other, but that morning was the first time your skin grazed him on purpose. Maybe he’s looking way into it, but when your hand touched his that morning, he got a feeling in his stomach that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. The last time he can even think of feeling remotely similar to this was when Xi’an was in his life, but even she couldn’t make him feel the way he feels towards you. He felt it during your last day on Sorgan and he felt it again when you traveled to your destination on an isolated planet where there was nothing but flowers in sight. 

The warm feeling in his stomach returned when he heard laughter coming from inside the hull after landing on the foreign planet. He didn’t know what the cause of your laughter was, but he didn’t care during the moment. All he cared about was knowing you were happy and safe. He knew that all three of you would be safe here for the time being. He wouldn’t have to worry about what would happen if he left you alone on the ship. Instead of his afternoon being spent worrying about what he would have to do to make sure you’re all safe, he can finally rest. His days can be like what they were when you were on Sorgan. The day can be spent doing whatever you want, not putting yourselves in danger just so you can survive to see nightfall. 

It’s something Din hadn’t allowed himself to feel in a very long time- to be at ease. He didn’t even let himself be completely vulnerable during the weeks you spent at the village. He was afraid that the moment he let his guard down, there would be something to interrupt what he was feeling, and in a way, he was right. The morning he let his guard down was the same morning that the bounty hunter was able to track you down and almost kill the kid. 

It was just bad luck. Word eventually got around about the fight that took place and that’s how you were eventually found. Thankfully, that didn’t happen on the planet you were laying low momentially. Din had hoped that you could’ve stayed here longer, enjoying the peace that seemed to linger in the air, but the decisions he made in the past decided to catch up to him. Instead of laying low on this peaceful planet for a few weeks, you were only able to stay here for a day or two, but the time you spent here hasn’t been able to leave Din’s mind.

He found an abandoned planet when trying to find a safe place where the three of you could lay low for a while. With a low population density, the chances of someone spotting you were slim to none. You wouldn’t be able to stay here longer than a few weeks with the supplies you have, but staying here meant that you would be out of danger, and that’s all Din cared about. If keeping your head low on an abandoned planet meant that you wouldn’t be in any kind of danger, then he would be more than willing to hide away from the galaxy with you. With the great amount of danger you both have been in lately, Din’s more than willing to stay here.

When first stepping foot on this planet, the sound of local wildlife greeted Din. Birds were chirping, tiny animals were chatting, and even the simple sound of the tree branches swaying back and forth brought a sense of comfort in his bones. The planet didn’t offer much, only the beauty of its atmosphere, but you didn’t need much to be safe. All you needed was a secluded area and enough food and water to last you for a while, and that was enough for Din. If your afternoons were spent with each other’s company, that’s more than what he could ask for. 

Din was quick to make sure the area was safe shortly after the Crest landed. When he was doing so, he had the company of your laughter coming from the hull of the ship. The sound was so distant at first. If things weren’t so quiet outside, he wouldn’t have been able to hear it, but he’s so glad that he did. It’s a sound he hadn’t heard in a while- a sound he didn’t know he missed. He heard it almost everyday when you were at the village on Sorgan, but ever since you were on the run again, the sound became rare. 

Hearing your laughter in the past always brought Din joy, knowing that you’re enjoying yourself for the time being, but hearing it this time brought a different feeling inside his chest. To this day, he still doesn’t know exactly what that feeling is. Knowing that you’re happy even after being in danger just a few days prior made Din happy too, but the feeling in his stomach is foreign. He hasn’t had this kind of a reaction to something before. The only time he’s had a feeling in his gut is when his stress is beginning to get to him or when he knows he’s in danger, never to a sound as delightful as your laughter. 

Then the feeling only got stronger when he saw your reaction to where you would be staying for the next leg of your journey. The kid was giggling as he was running through the nearby flower field, but the only thing that captured Din’s attention was how soft your features were in the moment. From the way the eyes were in awe from your surroundings to the gigantic grin plastered across your face, the only thing Din could focus on is you. You somehow were able to put him under some kind of spell without trying to. 

The feeling he had in his stomach spread throughout his entire body. It’s weird to explain, but somehow it spread from his stomach to his chest to his bones. He doesn’t know how to explain what it is but it’s something he never wants to go away. It’s something he hasn’t felt in a long time, knowing that he was the reason behind your happiness made the feeling even stronger. No one’s been able to have this effect on him before, except you. Without even trying, you managed to capture a part of him he didn’t even know he gave to you. He’s kept his heart locked up for so long that he forgot what it felt like to give it to any person. 

He never has to worry about whether or not you’ll judge him harshly for something he’s done in the past. He knows that you’ll have an open mind about things and only have an opinion on it once you’ve asked questions about it.

There hasn’t been a single time where he’s felt judgment coming from you. You haven’t agreed with everything he’s done, but you respect the decisions he’s made, and that’s something he doesn’t take for granted. It’s rare for someone to be as patient and open-minded as you are, most people form an opinion far before they know every single detail, but not you. The only time you’ve only criticized a decision he’s made is when you don’t agree with it. After being partners for so long, there have been a handful of times where you don’t agree with a plan of his, but you still support him because of the amount of trust you have in him. If he said nothing bad would happen, you would take his word for it. It’s a sign of trust you’ve shown towards him and that’s something he can’t take lightly. 

Loyalty and family are the two most important things to his people. Having undying loyalty to those closest to you shows just how much you trust the other person. It’s something he’s only seen in the covert. Putting your complete trust in someone, knowing they will put your best interest in heart, is something he’s only seen Mandalorians show towards other Mandalorians. They put their full trust in each other because they’re like family, and family will do anything to make sure the rest are safe, like you. Din admitted this shyly one afternoon, afraid of what your reaction would be when he admitted he saw you as a part of his family, but seeing the look on your face told him you felt the same as well. Your people may not have as strong a belief in family as his people do, but you know the importance of him referring to you as family meant to him. 

He was so nervous during the moment that he didn’t even notice how his stomach turned into knots when your hand touched his after he admitted this. A weight was taken off of his shoulders after telling you this- he didn’t even notice his body physically reacted to you touching him. 

He got that same feeling again when seeing your reaction to the planet the Crest landed on. You had such a childlike wonder to it that the radiance beaming from you was contagious. Like you, the biggest smile was on Din’s face when he glanced around his surroundings before heading back to his task. The moment between the two of you didn’t last long, as the little one began running off towards the nearby trees, but Din hasn’t been able to get this memory out of his head. He doesn’t even know why. 

Even when you were gone, his thoughts weren’t able to escape you. He couldn’t stop thinking about how happy you seemed here even when you just got here, or how the sun bouncing off of your skin seemed to give you such a glow- not from the sun itself, but from within. Your warm nature being prevalent on the inside and outside. Everything about you was able to easily rub off of Din. 

He doesn’t even know how mind came across the things that it did. One moment he’s thinking about what the three of you could do on the planet to pass the time and the next is what your future together would be like. The future together is something he’s thought about a lot recently since the child came into your lives- he always thought about what life would be like once you found a safe place for the baby, but thoughts like these never came across his mind until that sunny afternoon. 

Rather than wondering what the two of you would do in the future, like if you would ever return back to Nevarro someday or if you would continue traveling the galaxy together, thoughts about settling down came across his mind. He doesn’t even know how that thought popped up. The two of you never discussed settling down together, you’ve both expressed wanting to have a peaceful life someday but never together, so he doesn’t know where this idea came from. It’s probably the atmosphere of this place, he told himself. 

Neither of you ever talked about what exactly your relationship is. He knows this partnership you have goes way beyond what you both agreed to, more than just collecting bounties together, it’s a bond neither of you has felt in a very long time, but the unclear relationship you have doesn’t exactly help Din figure out what he felt during the moment. Why is he only able to think about you? Even when he’s trying to figure his future, whether that would include just himself or with someone else, the only thing he’s able to think about is you- how much things have blossomed between the two of you ever since leaving the peaceful village. Never in a million light-years did Din think he would be able to feel towards another person with how he feels towards you. It’s a foreign feeling, something that he has to figure out one day.

The only thing he knows for sure is that he trusts you more than anyone else in the entire galaxy. If there was something you were uncertain about, he would gladly hear you. If you decided against a decision of his, he would try to figure out another way. 

After everything you have been through together, the only thing he knows for a fact is that he doesn’t want a future without you. It’s hard to imagine a life without you, whether that meant continuing the lifestyle you’ve shared for the past year or if that meant a more domestic one. 

There’s so much he’s told you about himself that he hasn’t dared to share with another soul, whether it was the simple reveal of his name, or where he came from, or even what life was like when the Mandalorians took him in, he’s never told anyone the things he’s told you without thinking twice about it. He hasn’t trusted someone this much-  the last person he can think of was before he was adopted into his creed. 

When he told you about the ideals he was raised with, you never made any judgements towards him. The only thing you told him was that he was more than the beskar armor he wears daily. Though he was adopted into Mandalorian customs, you always told him he’s more than what he was raised by- that he’s his own person. He’s gotten so used to others making critical judgements about him just because of who he was raised by that he was taken back to hear what you had to say. 

It’s not often he heard someone speak about his people in such a collected manner- most people were quick to judge their warrior ways that it was nice to hear such good things come from someone who isn’t accustomed to their ways. Hearing you talk about your loyalty to him, to Din, not to the Mandalorian warrior, was something he didn’t know he needed to hear. He grew used to people either admiring or condescending his warrior ways that he forgot at times what it meant to be his own person.

Thanks to you, he’s been able to see that part of himself again. He’s hidden it away not only from the galaxy but from himself as well, and you’ve been able to show him that he can be his own person beyond the armor he dons. There’s no doubt that his creed has shaped him into who he is today, but he’s also more than that. He’s someone with a heart, empathy towards others, putting others before himself- something he’s never thought of himself as until you pointed it out. You were able to see the best parts of him when he didn’t even see them.

When you were able to see the best parts of him, he saw the best parts in you when you returned with a simple gift when you were gone for a bit. Glancing back at the memory, the gesture wasn’t that big, just a bunch of flowers bundled up together, but to him, it meant so much to him. He can’t even remember the last time someone did this thoughtful for him, let alone giving him a gift. It’s been such a long time since he’s experienced this much joy from a single action. It probably didn’t seem that big of a deal to you at the time, just something to take his mind off of things for the moment, but he can remember everything about that moment- the warm feeling in his chest returning when he saw the bundle of flowers shaking slightly in your hands, the nervous expression on your face, the feeling of the sun beaming against the sliver of exposed skin at the nape of his neck. He wanted to remember every single detail of that moment, not wanting to forget what it felt like. He never wanted to forget what it felt like to be this happy, not having to worry about anything happening to the three of you. He just wanted to stay here.

He wanted to see more of this side of you. Seeing how happy and carefree you were here reminded him of the memories he has of his mother. When he was a boy, his mother and father used to do so much to express the love they had for one another, and a lot of the memories he has of them is the gifts they would give each other to show how much they loved each other. It’s something that his parents always made sure he was a part of- he would try to help them as much as he could to help pick out the gift. It was something he always looked forward to as a boy and it’s something he’s seen on multiple occasions during his trips throughout the galaxy. 

Gift exchanging is a common thing among married couples- like his parents, married couples want to express their love by giving their significant other something they know they’ll like, and Din can’t help but think of these things as he inspected the bundle of flowers you gave him that day. It wasn’t the most lavish gift, but it was more than he ever could ask for. It showed that, he too, was on your mind even when you were separated. You wanted to express how much you care for his well being by giving him something that you had access to, and with the current environment you’re staying in, you have very limited choice. He didn’t care what the gift was, all he cared about was the thought you put into it. 

The thoughtful gift is what reminds him of the qualities you have that his mother also had- your thoughtful nature, the way you put others first before yourself, offering to help others in any way you can. His well being was your first priority. You tried to ease his mind as much as you could, you tried to take some of the burden off of his shoulders by offering to repair his very torn cape that he dons. It was something that you didn’t even think twice about, just wanting to help him in any way that you can, but it’s something he hasn’t been able to forget. It’s just one of the many ways you’ve shown him how considerate and thoughtful you can be without even realizing it. 

~

There’s so much about that day that he hasn’t been able to forget, even when he’s alone in the cockpit as the Crest is in orbit of your next destination.

So much has happened within the last week of your lives. One day you’re able to find sanctuary on a nearly abandoned planet and then the next, he finds out about the one part of your life you never shared with him before. He can think about why you never spoke about this part of your life before but at the end of the day, it’s a decision that you didn’t take lightly. With how open your relationship has been lately, it’s hard to imagine just how difficult this decision must have been for you. Not only to keep this from him, knowing about the messy history both of your people have together, but to move on from who raised you. Even when the Empire was hunting his people, Din always had the support of those who took him in, but you didn’t. You had to survive on your own. If you hadn’t, then your paths wouldn’t have crossed. 

There must be a reason why your paths crossed. It’s the only reason he can think of- because the galaxy wouldn’t be so cruel as to force his path away from the one person he trusts the most, right?

It’s not an easy thing to digest- to find out the one person you trust the most was hiding something as big as this. A Jedi. He can’t get the Armorer’s words out of his head. Not only were the people who took you in considered to be enemies of his people, but you also knew more about the child than he did and still didn’t tell him. He can’t help but feel that you don’t trust him nearly as much as he trusts you. 

He disregards the thought, shaking his head. You didn’t have the same kind of support as he did when the Empire rose to power. He had others in his covert to rely on when things got tough, but the only person you had was yourself, something he knows all too well at this point. 

He closed himself off from others just so he wouldn’t have to feel the weight he feels in his chest. He understands why you made the decision that you did, but he can’t ignore the aching feeling he feels throughout his entire body by the thought of you not telling him sooner. You only revealed that part of your life to him because you were forced to. He told you things he hasn’t told anyone else since, well ever, not even someone in the covert. He had so much faith in you that he told you anything he could think of. It doesn’t feel fair to expose parts of himself to you just for you to keep something hidden. 

There have been a few times where you almost told him about who raised you, but out of fear, you backed down. He doesn’t know what things were like when your people fell, maybe that’s something the two of you can talk about once you land. He hardly knows a thing about your people, and like you, he can’t be one to form an opinion on a group of people he doesn’t know. You never cast judgment on who raised him. You always asked questions about his beliefs in a respectable manner, and he should have that same common courtesy.

He knows that he should see you as an ‘enemy sorcerer,’ something the Armorer referred to your people as, but he didn’t see that when he was looking at you as you were confessing where you really came from. It wasn’t an easy topic to talk about for you, that’s obvious by how your fingers fumbled with each other as you looked down at the floor in shame, but it’s something you confessed to him, even when you were scared. You didn’t know how he was going to react to the news, thinking he was going to leave you behind. For that, he can’t hold the decision you made against you. There have been so many decisions you both have disagreed on, and this is one of them. He would have preferred if you told him about this sooner, but he can’t hold this against you when it’s clearly haunted you at night. 

“What do you think, kid?” Din asks as he turns around in his seat, to find the child has just woken up from his overdue nap. With one swift movement, the child is secure in the crook of his arms in a matter of seconds. Even when his surroundings are as peaceful as they can get, his mind won’t stop turning a million miles a minute. 

“Why didn’t she tell me…” He mumbles out, mainly to himself. When he glances down at the child wrapped in his arms, the look in the child’s eyes is trying to tell him something that Din can’t seem to decipher. It’s like he’s trying to tell the masked man something important but can’t understand it. 

When a few moments of silence are passed in the hull, another question comes from Din’s mouth, one he almost doesn’t want to know the answer to. “Did you know?”

The only kind of coherent response the child gives is a series of giggles, not knowing the true connotation. Sighing, Din lets his head fall back as he lets his mind wander. 

“Regardless of what has changed your mind about her, I sense she will help you with your journey.”

Even when his mind is going almost nonstop, the words from the Armorer haven't been able to leave his mind- it always has a way of coming back to him. 

The emerging of your two paths had to happen for a reason. 

For whatever the reason may be, Din knows the only person who would be able to help him with his journey is you. He doesn’t know where to begin to even find the people who raised you- it would be damn near impossible if you weren’t by his side. Though you don’t see yourself as a Jedi any longer, you can still aid him in his journey of returning the child back to the Jedi. Maybe you could even help him understand more about the weird powers the child has, or even help the kid gain more control over them. After what he experienced in the cantina on Nevarro, Din finally sees just how powerful the little one really is. He can’t protect him without your help. It will be a long and difficult path, but it’s one he doesn’t want to do without you. 

“Alright kid, let’s go.”

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Feminism in Egypt, Part 2

FGM

FGM has a long, bloody history with African and Arab women. Some people say it originated in Ancient Egypt; others lean more towards it being a Bedouin Arab tradition. I’m not here to discuss the origin story of one of the most horrific human rights infarctions on earth. I’m here to talk about the current feminist struggle against it.

FGM was outlawed in Egypt in June of 2008, and a 2014 survey showed that a whopping 92% of married women and girls between 15 and 49 years old have been subjected to FGM (I will talk more about the inclusion of 15 year olds in official surveys of married women in a post about child brides), and that 72% of these crimes were carried out by doctors. In 2008, a DHS survey of women and girls in the same age range showed that 63% of them were in support of FGM as a practice. Of those 63%, 60% cited husband preference for ‘cleaned’ girls, and 39% cited religious reasons. All of these are easily googleable facts, but these things always sound so clinical when they’re presented like this. Cold, sterile, detached. So, let’s get a little deeper into it, shall we?

Girls in Egypt are mutilated anywhere between birth and marriage, but mostly before the age of 15. These are children. Every single year, we have cases of babies, toddlers, children, young women dying from botched mutilations and infections, especially after the 2016 criminalisation of FGM practitioners. Parents will take their daughters to backwater clinics, or have ‘doula’s who have no medical experience of any kind visit them at home, and cut into the flesh of their young daughters with non-sterile equipment, often without anaesthesia.

I’ve heard and read first-hand accounts of girls who got topical anaesthesia that wore out halfway through. I’ve heard and read first-hand accounts of girls who were dragged, kicking and screaming, and held down by family and neighbours forcefully as their bodies were torn into. Of girls who bled for days, of girls who had to have their legs bound to each other for weeks, of girls who couldn’t stop screaming in pain every time they went to the bathroom, to complete apathy and even disgust and anger from their families, of girls who were snarled at for making noise while their bodies were being torn away on their own beds, of girls who still have constant pain over a decade later, of girls who hate themselves and hate their vulvas, and hate their lives. Of girls who are suicidal, of girls who are terrified of marriage, who have trust issues, who can’t handle the thought of anyone touching them there again, after the first time being so traumatic and painful and horrifying. All of this is done while the family, and even friends and neighbours, celebrate in joy. It’s even tradition in some rural areas to take all the female children of the family to get ‘fixed’ together, dressed in pretty dresses and fancy shoes.

I’ve also heard of women who are asexual due to trauma, whose husbands rape them continuously, who are abused for refusing sex, whose families disown them for being such a disgrace, whose husbands divorce them and leave them for dead, whose husbands marry multiple women besides them, and they are left to fend for themselves, unable to get a divorce and move on, and completely abandoned by the people they trusted the most. They’re told the angels will curse them all night for refusing sex, but what about their trauma? What about their feelings? What about them, as people? Nobody cares.

So, how did we get here? There are 3 main reasons.

The ’’religious’’ folk will cite a (weak) hadith as their proof that FGM is a good, healthy practice. It goes that the prophet saw a woman going to get her daughter cut, and he told her to ‘not cut severely, as that is better for the woman and more preferable to the husband’. Apart from any implications of misogyny in this hadith, it has been disputed multiple times, along with a couple others in support of FGM. You can read more about that here.

Regardless of the truth of FGM having Islamic support, the reality of the matter is that a huge amount of actual, real life Muslim people cite these hadiths as their reasoning to mutilate their daughters, and everyone sees that as completely justified. The truth of the matter is this: Someone put these hadiths into the public conscience knowing full well they will be used to abuse, maim, hurt, kill women for centuries. Whether that someone was prophet Muhammed himself or later scholars, no one can actually ever know.

The second, more indirectly religious and directly misogynistic reason, is to ensure ‘purity’. You see, as I’ve talked about before and as many of you already know, women in Islam and in MENA in general are seen and treated as property. The family’s honour lies between a woman’s thighs. A young girl who speaks to boys her age in the most innocent context possible can be subjected to house arrest, beatings, forced stopping of her education, even death, for daring to put the family’s honour in jeopardy. A girl who has a boyfriend, well...

In a society that places so much value not only on women’s virginity, but also on their complete removal and separation from the male sex at any cost, it’s not very surprising that tips and tricks like using FGM to ‘cull a woman’s sexual desire’ spread like wildfire. Girls are mutilated to make sure they don’t become wh**es. This is said frankly, openly, it’s common knowledge. If you refuse to hurt your child in this way, you will be met with disdain and disgust, and even wails of despair, with shock, with animosity. “Do you want her to become like a prostitute and ruin your family name? Do you want her to walk around uncontrolled? Don’t you know what shame she will bring on you?” These statements are directed at girls as young as... in the womb, if you show your dissent early enough.

And the final reason is the least of them to hide under religious pretences, and the most misogynistic: Because this is how men prefer their wives to be.

You might think when I say preference here, I mean it in the way I mean, “Oh, I personally prefer brunette hair,” but you would be sorely mistaken. By prefer here, I mean demand. I mean a man could force his grown wife, through physical force or through abuse, to mutilate her body for his satisfaction. I mean that men will sneer at un-mutilated women. I mean that men will beat their wives on their wedding night to within an inch of her life for ‘cheating’ them if the wives are not mutilated. I mean men will suspect their wives of adultery and murder them, which carries a reduced sentence of ‘time served during investigation’, just for the simple act of having intact genitals. I mean men will divorce their wives on their wedding night for being unharmed, for being whole. I mean men will act so entitled to women’s bodies that they will always have the assumption that the ‘product’ they are ‘buying’ is cut to taste, and they will become violent and aggressive and murderous if they find out this is not the case.

I personally don’t know whether or not I’ve been mutilated. With such high numbers in Egypt, the likely answer is yes, but I genuinely have no clue. I am not allowed to ask about these things, or I’ll be seen as a loose wh**re. My parents would beat me up and they still wouldn’t allow me the dignity of knowing whether my own body has been altered against my will. I don’t know if I’ll ever find out.

The feminists fighting constantly for tighter regulations, for harsher punishments, for longer sentences; these women are seen as the spawn of the devil. Accusations of loose morals are thrown their way day in and day out. Death threats and rape threats (’that’s what you want anyway isn’t it?’) are hurled at them from every direction. They are silenced. They are ridiculed. But they are prevailing. This year, the Egyptian president has decided to alter the FGM laws to cover loopholes, and possibly to increase enforcement. He has also altered the charge set to doctors who perform FGM which results in death from manslaughter to first or second degree murder.

The problem, however, remains in lack of reporting. Ever since the criminalisation of performing FGM in 2008, and the setting of punishments in 2016 as a minimum of three months’ jail time, to a maximum of 2 years, or a minimum of 1000EGP to a maximum of 5000EGP fines (63.71 to 318.53 USD), and until 2018, and possibly until today, not a single mutilator had been convicted.

Imagine being fined as little as 60 dollars for the permanent mutilation of a little girl’s body. And even that is not happening.

People refuse to report the monsters who do perform this, despite a 2012 gynaecology convention condemning the practice, and calling it an inhumane act, and stating quite forcefully that it is not a medical procedure, and that it is an infringement on the human rights of women and girls, which medicine and medical ethics do not condone. And yet, the public opinion remains the same: this is their business, it is not our place to intervene. It is not our place to get this fine young man thrown in jail, or fined, for performing a ‘cleaning’ procedure, and besides, wouldn’t you rather they had a medical professional perform it, rather than an uneducated woman, or a barber, or a butcher? It is not our place to report this family and tear them apart -  what did they ever do to us that we may hurt them like this?

No one ever asks what little girls have ever done for us to fail them like this.

[fuwametal-writes]

Edelgard Working Together with TWSITD Makes Zero Sense

I wouldn't qualify people suffering because of their Crests under the Crest system of nobility as the same thing as suffering under the rule of the Church of Seiros. This is the very reason why I honestly believe that none of Edelgard's actions in terms of conspiring together with TWSITD make sense.

She suffered under the Crest system of nobility and was experimented upon by Those Who Slither in the Dark because the Crest system of nobility allowed cracks and gaps to manifest within Fodlan society where TWSITD were able to thrive, but she never came into contact with the Central Church which Rhea leads until she entered into the Officer's Academy.

For a majority of her life, Rhea and the Church of Seiros were non-entities that were not responsible for any of the tragedies that befell her, and while, through logical thought, one might be able to identify the Church's maintenance of its doctrines as the force responsible for keeping the Crest system alive as the status quo, which in turn created the cracks in society where TWSITD were able to thrive and gain influence from, that still does not mean that they were the parties directly responsible for the suffering that Edelgard has experienced. It thus seems strange for the Adrestian Princess to pin the Church as the party ultimately responsible for her suffering and come to the conclusion that she must first defeat the Church working together with TWSITD, or in other words, her oppressors before dispatching of her oppressors... somehow... later on.

Even if the actions of the Church were responsible for creating the butterfly effect that would eventually lead to her torture, her siblings' deaths, and the downfall of her father's dynasty, it's just strange that even when those who are directly responsible for these atrocities are staring her straight in the face, she still seems to believe that all of these are the ultimate responsibility of the Church, and not as the further result of an even longer-standing conflict caused by none other than those who seem to have no trouble hiding their millennia-old vendetta against the Church.

It is so incongruous for Edelgard to not see how it would be much easier and much more sensible to purge those who slither from the cracks of Fodlan society with the help of the Church and then fill in those cracks with reform so that they can no longer resurface when we know how meticulous and brilliant she is, and especially when we know that she is a mere few steps away from unlocking the truth that Thales and his dead-eyed cronies are pulling a fast one on her. We'll discuss more of that later.

We see over and over again over the course of the story without it ever being shown to us or told explicitly that TWSITD were pulling the strings behind all of the conspiratorial happenings in Fodlan through the underbelly of corruption that has festered over the course of centuries of the Crest system of nobility being in place. This system was created through the influence of the Church in order to establish order following the War of Heroes, but by and large, a lot of the suffering caused by the Crest system is not caused or meted out by the Church, but by those who hold positions of power within the system - people like the nobles of the Insurrection of the Seven who were seduced by the wiles of TWSITD who promised them greater power within the system through their strange means. When we consider this angle, we see that really, Edelgard's anger at the Crest system of nobility is justified, but that her anger at the Church is (and this is important) not wrong, but misguided. I'll explain why.

Rhea formally instituted the Crest system as a way to fill the power vacuum in Fodlan and prevent the continent from falling into chaos again following her victory against Nemesis and the Ten Elites, but remember that the system of ruling over the masses with the power of Crests was not created by Rhea, but by the Agarthans who used Nemesis as a tool to enact genocide upon the Nabateans.

Remember that it was the Agarthans who guided Nemesis and his band of bandits to pillage Sothis's body for the purpose of obtaining the Crest of Flames and the Sword of the Creator, which they then used to wipe out the Nabateans, drink their blood and take their bones, from which they obtained more Crests and Relics with which they could rule tyrannically over the people of Fodlan. With the end of the War of Heroes, Seiros had the opportunity to reveal the truth and abolish the Crest system of power that existed within Fodlan entirely, but she was not in a state of mind to do so, grief-stricken by the death of her mother and the genocide of her kin.

In a cruel, twisted kind of way, the blood running through the veins of her kin's killers and the weapons they fashioned out of the bones of the people that she loved were the only reminders of her family that existed. Therefore, I believe that her decision to instate the Crest system of nobility as the official system of governance in Adrestia through her influence as the head of the Church was motivated by her desire to preserve the vestiges of her kin's memory. To ensure that they don't simply fade into obscurity, and to be able to keep them close to her in a way - even if it is twisted.

I don't know what kind of manipulation Edelgard had to have gone through for her to come to the conclusion that the most effective way to topple TWSITD and their influence over Fodlan was to first eliminate the Church rather than work with them to topple TWSITD and then work with them to enact systemic changes to the way that Church and State interact within the continent to ensure that no one suffers under the dated Crest system (and also possibly go through dialogue to slowly bring to light Fodlan's true history - because obviously, none of that surfaces in the ending of Crimson Flower either).

Edelgard had part of the real history, but clearly, TWSITD cherry-picked the most convenient parts of that history to show Edelgard while obscuring the most inconvenient parts to her such that she would cultivate a vendetta against the Church as the perpetrator behind all suffering in Fodlan when TWSITD are the ones who are truly causing suffering by manipulating local nobles and satellite Church leaders to cause unrest and instability.

Does that justify Rhea's swift execution of heretics? No, of course not, but if Edelgard weren't already so set on her ways in the beginning of the game, she might have been able to gauge by Rhea's reaction to the appearance of the strange mages that she conspired with as the Flame Emperor in the Monastery that the Church was diametrically opposed to the very people that she was conspiring with in the first place for reasons incongruous with what Thales has led her to believe, and that maybe, her anger was misguided... and that she was taking a very, very roundabout way to achieving her goals that would not bear her the full truth of the matter... and maybe even that the Church would gladly help in the purge of TWSITD.

Not that that matters because she wrongly believes that she already has all the answers in her hands, which we know is untrue when we learn the whole truth from Rhea's own mouth in Verdant Wind. TWSITD played Edelgard like a fiddle. They had two main goals, 1) to destroy the Church to exact revenge on Seiros, and 2) to rule the world, and they were able to exploit Edelgard's anger and her ideals as a means to the first one.

This all makes even less sense when you consider that in order for all of this to have come to pass, Edelgard would have had to trust the words of her abusers fully and take their word for what the true history of Fodlan really is... What reason would she have to believe everything that TWSITD had to say about Fodlan's history is true when 1) they were the ones who experimented on her and implanted the Fire Emblem into her, 2) are not working with her in good faith, and 3) it is clear that they are also in the business of hiding even more information from her?

In fact, what reason would she even have to believe everything she said in her speech, particularly these two lines: "The leaders of the church have misused its creed to fulfill their true desire - to rule the world," and "They gathered gold and lived in extravagance," when it would have been plain to her from her months in the Monastery that 1) the Church is largely uninterested in interfering with Empire, Kingdom or Alliance politics except when heresy against the Church is directly involved or in preserving peace from petty bandits where nobles request their aid, 2) she would have seen how far removed from extravagance lifestyle at the Monastery was, and most importantly, 3) she came into contact and interacted with so many students and just... people in general who would have challenged and even shaken those beliefs?

Let's not even stray from point 1 in the previous question that I posed. As I've already said before, her suffering was never directly at the hands of the Central Church because as we see in the game, the Central Church has little influence over the Empire where the Western Church has more influence and because the Empire, unlike the Kingdom and the Alliance, has its very own Ministry of Religion. Even the game's narrative betrays any reason that Edelgard might have had to bear a grudge against the Church in particular and work with the very clearly evil group of shadowy figures because the game goes out of its way to remind us over and over again that the Church has had very little influence over the Empire's religious affairs in recent years - which has led to the rise of heresy within the Western Church, which, since Edelgard was working as the Flame Emperor, she should have known was also the handiwork of TWSITD.

She should have known from spending time in the Monastery that Rhea was less concerned about the loss of influence in the Empire preventing her from levying Church taxes on the Empire and more concerned about the actual heresy against their doctrines that they were committing. More damningly, she should have known that this concern of Rhea to protect the doctrine of the Church was not about maintaining the status quo of the Crest system because what the Western Church was preaching did not undermine the doctrine that Crests and Relics were Sothis's blessings and thus did not jeopardize the Crest system that revered Sothis as Goddess, but rather about maintaining her legitimacy as Archbishop of the Church such that Fodlan could have a unified faith among other reasons that she may have but is not forthright about, as she may have learned if she had taken the time to earn Rhea's trust and learn layers deeper into the truth.

As players, we do know that beyond maintaining her legitimacy as Archbishop, Rhea wanted the people to have a common faith in Sothis because she is still grieving the death of her mother, and that over the centuries, she has almost somehow deluded herself into believing the faith of her own making.

So then, was she fighting for religious freedom? No, because she didn't give a damn about the Western Church either, and because what the Western Church was teaching wasn't reflective of the true history that she apparently wants to bring to light... but never does in the end.

And now, the final nail in the coffin.

The people that Edelgard came into contact with in the Monastery. Let us talk about Marianne and Lysithea, yes?

Marianne bears the Crest of the Beast, and because of that, is visibly disturbed by any discussion of Crests. She has suffered much because of the Crest system and the prying eyes that look on at her and cast suspicion on her. While Edelgard and Marianne do not have supports, surely, she would have seen how Marianne would have reacted to the mere mention of a Crest, and yet all the same, she would have seen how she chooses to believe in the Goddess anyway, and how she did not begrudge the Church, even when it would be very easy to do so as the Church is, after all, responsible for teaching the doctrines that uphold the Crest system. Would this not have cast doubts on the beliefs that she held about the supposed injustice of the Church?

But I concede that Edelgard may not have been paying much attention to Marianne. They barely know each other, after all. It's a shame we don't have someone who experienced basically the exact same thing as her yet didn't begrudge the Church as the reason for her suff-

Wait a minute.

Lysithea von Ordelia. Here is a student that she knows was also experimented upon in the same manner as she was, and yet, she does not begrudge the Church in the same way that she does. Their support conversations are quite heavy, Edelgard trying to reach out to Lysithea as kindred spirits who know exactly how the other feels, and we learn that Lysithea does believe the Crest system and the obsession with the power of the Crests to have been responsible for her and her parents' suffering, but she doesn't speak a lick about the Church. Not to Edelgard, not to Claude, not to Byleth. Why? Because Lysithea has elected that the Church itself was not responsible for her suffering. Plain and simple. It would have been just as easy for Lysithea to also believe that because the Church was the entity responsible for putting the Crest system into place, that they are also ultimately the ones responsible for her suffering just as Edelgard believes... but she doesn't. Would this not have at least made Edelgard question her beliefs even just a bit? Seriously.

And to speak of commonfolk around the Monastery, what does she make of the orphans that the Church takes in? And all of the devotees that the Church extends its mercy and aid to? What did she make of the fact that following Remire, the Monastery took in its orphans and its survivors? Seriously.

What of the Almyran boy that Rhea treats equitably just like any Fodlani person that she holds audience for? What of Cyril? Does she see Rhea's kindness to the boy and how this boy is grateful for saving her from a life of indentured servitude and think that it is insincere?

Would any of these encounters with the people in the Monastery not have allowed her even a little leeway to question her alliance with TWSITD?

Don't you think that it would make more sense for Edelgard to also be mistrustful of TWSITD enough to want to learn more about the Church and the history that underlies them to verify the veracity of her cause before deciding who to confide her motivations in fully, acting as a double agent with the side that wins her over with the truth to win peace and carve out her destiny in her own terms, free from the shackles of those who would keep her in line for their own ends?

It just seems so asinine to me to see Edelgard playing right into TWSITD's hands and it frustrates me to no end seeing how IntSys made such a chump of Edelgard when she's such a good character. I will never let IntSys live this down. Edelgard working with TWSITD makes zero sense. Try as you might to change my mind as to why Edelgard siding with TWSITD and declaring war on the Church was necessary, but know that if you do, I have barely even scratched the surface and I will have an answer ready for you. It's sloppy writing on IntSys's part and Edelgard deserves better.

[nikakistos]

The mindset of Eren Yeager: The reason he rumbled the World

The topic I will be analyzing this time is Eren Yeager’s decisions and motivations in the final arc of the series. Many words have been said about our main protagonist, especially after his appearance in the final chapter, which made many question him and his actions. Given the dialogue between him and Armin it is not really hard to understand why. Isayama’s word choices have confused many fans. So, here I am. Trying to explain to the best of my ability what was going through Eren’s mind. Of course, I might be wrong. There have been many interpretations of the character after all, not to mention that Isayama will be releasing a character book the next month, which might explain things better. But, seeing as I will be in the army at the time, I figured I should write this now and compare my view to Isayama’s later on.

To begin with, we have to answer a very important question. What was Eren wish and what kind of life did he want to live? This question can easily be answered just by looking at Mikasa and Armin, Eren’s two most beloved people. These two represent what Eren wants out of life. Armin is responsible for Eren’s desire to be free. The outside world for Eren is freedom. Mikasa on the other hand represents Eren’s desire to be loved. She is his home to return to. You see, these two desires perfectly correspond with the visions Eren shared with his two friends in the paths. He used the paths to see with Armin all the places from Armin’s book that they imagined back when they were kids and he used the paths to live with Mikasa the life they never had the chance to live in the real world. Eren himself says he doesn’t want to die. He wants to live with Mikasa and everyone else. This is the kind of life he wants.

  But he couldn’t. And it wasn’t because of some supernatural force that guided his own actions and prohibited him from making another decision. No. It was because of his personality and the circumstances he found himself in. After Eren saw the future his attitude changed. He was by far more silent and sad than usual. He saw himself committing mass-genocide. He also learnt that the world was not what he imagined it to be. Eren wanted the world to be just like Armin’s book described. Empty of humans, but full of beautiful places. However, between himself and his dream stood enemies. Countless people who had never seen them, all wishing them dead.  The outside world had betrayed his expectations. For him, all these people that stood between him and his dream were just like the walls in Paradis. An obstacle. This is why, despite knowing that the Rumbling went against the justice he was supposedly fighting for, he decided to complete it. Deep down, he hated this world and he wanted to burn it down. This is in part due to his idea of freedom. For Eren, freedom is living your life the way you want it to, without ever taking orders from anyone. Doing whatever you want. This is why he was surprised by Levi’s follower attitude towards Erwin. With all his strength, he expected Levi to be the freest person in the legion. A world that continued to chain him down and disappoint him was something Eren could not tolerate. And when he got the power, he just wanted to erase it. He was free to do so.  It is no coincidence that the panel of his father saying to him “you are free” appears at the same time that Eren reveals his desire to destroy the world. This burning desire of his to erase the world contradicts his view on people being special because they were born in it. If this world makes people special just because they were born in it, then why the fuck would you completely destroy it Eren? Well, that’s exactly the point. Eren’s though process is entirely irrational. That’s true for all humans to a degree. Our deepest and darkest desires are irrational. The part of Eren that wanted to bring the Apocalypse, just because the world wasn’t like he wanted it to be is exactly that. Eren had to choose between what was just and what made him feel free. He chose the latter.

Moving on to the more rational side of his motivations for doing the Rumbling. That is the safety of his friends and his island. Eren genuinely cared for all of his friends. Mikasa and Armin were special, but he also cared for Historia, Jean, Connie, Sasha etc. He even cared for fucking Floch. And, obviously he cared for the island that he was raised in. He couldn’t just let the world annihilate them. This is like, the core of his ideology. If you fight, you might survive. If you just roll over, then you get fucked. Eren is not the type to get fucked. However, this did not mean that Eren wouldn’t opt for a different solution if a better option presented itself. After all, he did appear in the speech given by the Organization that protected the rights of the Eldians. The first problem here is that when Eren saw the memories of the future he had just 8 years left to live. Zeke had 5. Eren was displeased with this lack of time. The second problem was that he was stuck with a hilariously incompetent leadership. The leadership of Paradis failed spectacularly in finding a good solution and wasted half of Eren’s remaining lifespan. At the rate the Survey Corps were progressing, Zeke would have died and without him they wouldn’t be able to use the Founding Titan at all.  Additionally, none of the solutions they tried to find were exactly great. The 50 Y.P. required the sacrifice of Historia and her line, without ensuring with 100% certainty the eternal existence of Eldia. Since Eren cared about Historia and the island, he couldn’t accept such a proposal. The rest of the Survey Corps felt the same way. Hizuru on the other hand didn’t help them at all and Hange’s plan to approach the Organization that wanted to protect the rights of the Eldians failed spectacularly. Eren was left out of options.

The biggest turn off for him though was the revelation of Zeke’s real plan. When Yelena learnt that the SC would visit Marley she approached Eren and told him all about Zeke’s euthanasia and how to contact him. From this point on, Eren really had no other option left to save Paradis. If the meeting with the Eldian Rights Organization were to fail then he would have no choice but using Zeke’s blood, especially given his brother’s limited lifespan. He would never get another chance to visit Marley, nor was it certain that Zeke and he would manage to make contact. Worst case scenario, Zeke dies before meeting Eren, Colt gets the Beast, the Global Alliance attacks Paradis and they get fucked. Or, the SC somehow manage to find a serum to turn Historia into a dumb Titan, have Mikasa and Levi alongside Eren restrain her and use the Rumbling anyway, while also having sacrificed Historia.

  Things might have been different if Eren had actually decided to talk about the future he saw. Knowing what would happen if they didn’t try hard enough, might have made the Corps work harder. Of course, Eren just couldn’t predict the outcome of such a decision, so he decided to stay quiet, since, as established above, deep down he wanted to destroy the world.

Eren’s decision in the end came down to this: either he destroys the world or he says “fuck all” and elopes with Mikasa. He loved her enough to abandon everything and live his last few years peacefully with her. His dream about the outside world, Armin, Historia, Paradis, he was ready to turn his back to all of them just so he could selfishly survive with Mikasa. However, both he and Mikasa are incredibly shy people who can’t quite express their feelings easily. So, instead of telling her that he was in love with her, he left it all to her. To top it all off, he framed the question in such a way, that gave her the chance to pick an easy answer, without risking rejection. Then they got interrupted and the rest is history. He said fuck it and accepted his fate.

Attack on Titan’s world does operate under a fixed timeline. Destiny exists. Ever since Ymir became a titan up to Mikasa killing Eren was predetermined. They were meant to happen, exactly as they happened. However, the reason for that is not entirely supernatural. It is just that the personalities of each and every major character led to the result we saw. It is entirely because Eren cared about his friends and because he dreamt of freedom that he chose to rumble the world. It is his and Mikasa’s shyness that robbed them of a future together. Ymir had nothing to do with all that. It wasn’t Ymir who made the Santa Titan dumb enough to not bite Eren properly, nor was she the one who made the Azumabito clan greedy as hell or the Marleyans imperialists.

Eren knew what he would do and this of course played a major role in his decisions. But nobody forced him to do it. And, more than anything, he also knew why. Deep down, he knew. Eren decided Rumble the world, because he wanted his friends and island to be safe and because he hated the world. Eren accepted his fate, because he was left with no choice that he liked, time was running out and because Mikasa didn’t give him the right answer. The result? 80% of humanity dead, some of his friends dead, the ones who survived are mostly well, with Mikasa being the saddest one. The world is slowly marching to war, with the Yeagerists having regrouped and Armin and the co are trying to prevent this. The island’s survival is by no means guaranteed.

  Was it all for nothing? I don’t think so. Eren saved Paradis for some time, giving the chance to Armin to save humanity. After all, he did tell him so himself. Eren believed that with the Rumbling leaving the world in the state we saw, Armin would be able to find a solution. The series seems to imply that this is what will eventually happen.

In the end, Eren acted just like himself. Just like he told Falco. His reasons are not that complicated. He kept moving forward, because he was seeing something beyond this hell. We know now what that something was. His actions make total sense. It is just that his deep desire to end the world is rooted in his own childish view of freedom and of the world. In a story about children who need to become adults, Eren remained a child. His two friends on the other hand didn’t. Armin accepted his role as the Commander of the Survey Corps and despite the world not being what he wanted it to be, still fought to protect it from the person he once wished to explore this earth with. Mikasa accepted her role as a guardian of humanity and not Eren’s, like she believed herself to be, and despite wanting to share her life with Eren, she killed him. Eren saved Mikasa and Armin. This is his legacy. A world without titans.

[legionofpotatoes]

I love your art, it is very detailed in a neat way. Was wondering how you got started making it as a source of income? How did you get your first paid work, I'd love some advice on how to get started, if that's ok

Thank you. Of course it's okay, although I doubt I have enough work experience in art to really delve into this. I only went full freelance this year, and had been juggling art as a side hobby until then. If you're still interested in my somewhat narrow perspective, and are okay with my long-winded rambles, I'll give it a shot:

So to answer your question fully, I'll describe how I started and move into personal advice and learnings later on. As a disclaimer, I am a white cishet dude in my late twenties with a moderate cocktail of mental illnesses, but overall I can pass for a functioning adult so a lot I have to say may come laced with privilege I cannot fully identify.

So uhh I began drawing in around 2012? I think? Maybe halfway through 2011? And I mostly made fanart for things I enjoyed and tried to branch out in communities that felt nourishing to my style and interests (I caught a bug for alt posters and enjoyed mainstream movies so I spent a long time on posterspy early on). There were a handful of opportunities that came from there but I could only accept a couple because of primary workplace commitments. Still, it showed that networking in a focused community was definitely a good place to start; I myself have huge trouble committing to social networks and really staying socially active, but I knew it was an essential ingredient in succeeding so I tried to make myself be involved in challenges and art support trains etc. as much as I could.

In parallel to all that I also ran a few third party online stores (redbubble, teepublic) for disposable income and would sometimes, if rarely, hit around $100-150 a month from those sources combined. It is a sort of thing that requires helper accounts on other social media sites to promote it on, because the stores themselves have a huge volume of content that translates into low organic discoverability. Obviously it was never gonna be the way towards financial independence through art, and with community projects being few and far between, I opened private commissions in around uhhh 2017 I think, focusing on offering a few styles I knew I could do well, and sometimes operating in individual fandoms (it was mostly a bioware thing to be frank). But I had to close them back down after a year or so, again because of work-life conflict and how badly it was burning me out. The reason I kept trying to monetize this hobby is because I honestly hated what I did for my main job and wanted to see a way out in some shape or form in the future.

And then in 2020 I had to quit my main job altogether because of *gestures at pandemic* and deal with a mental breakdown from all the wonderful things it did to us and me specifically. I took a short break and decided to give art a shot full-time, and that was around May this year. I was planning on opening up commissions again (and I still am), but a few sudden opportunities that fell in my lap moved that timetable down and now I'm grateful to even be doing something I am getting adequately paid for.

So, with that somewhat limited perspective, here's what I've learned that I'd tell myself if I was just starting out:

1. Being a fan of something can be a shortcut towards effective networking kickoffs. Which are important evidently. If you love something and enjoy making content for it, join communities, settle into a combination of social media websites that feel right for those interests + your body of work + your inner rhythm, and try to play to content discovery as much as your mental health allows you to. Like I said, I know that I myself am incredibly bad at self-motivating to talk to people, so I found that synergizing common interests into fanart - which I enjoyed making anyway - could be a way to give myself a gentle nudge forward and build those bridges leading to community activities, which then net experience and coverage. Sometimes even freelance projects from official avenues. Again; picking the right spaces for what you're after is key. Companies roam twitter, concept art recruiters scour artstation or linkedin etc, instagram can land you private commissions and collab opportunities, so on and so forth. Find your niche and try to kick up dust. However...

2. I do not believe that any social profile can replace a good portfolio. The thing that made an immediate difference to me this year was building a coherent, simple website with my best work front and center and a contact form on top. Every single opportunity I got came from that form (maybe via twitter or instagram initially, but always sealing the decision after going through the website), so I firmly believe that showcasing your skills and portfolio in a visually arresting and user-friendly way is a big priority. I had some reservations about tackling that task but fortunately I had help from a savvy life partner and we slapped it together via wordpress in less than a day. Twitter/whatever social media is prevalent in your target groups is definitely important to get the right eyes on your shit, yes, but those eyes will then look for a second stop where your work and rates are more clear and concise. Simplicity is key imo, I cannot overstate this. So make a cute, simple portfolio!

3. Your skills and rates will grow and change as you do. Let them. Over the years I built several lasting professional relationships from my obsession over mass effect and kept getting opportunities both from bioware and their partner companies, some small and some a bit bigger. A one-off job earlier this year opened an unexpected door to another much larger commitment, and then the work I did there brought some attention from small businesses looking for commercial commissions. These were all incredibly different projects in terms of scope and budget, and I've been tackling them all on a case-by-case basis and slowly coming into my own irt my needs, rates, and SOW thresholds. It is still a work in progress (and a LOT of literal work as well), and very much a thing I struggle with in publicly marketing, which is why I felt a tad underqualified to answer your question in the first place (obviously I did not let that stop me). But what it means for me now is that I am rapidly developing into whatever my "version" of a functioning freelance artist is, and when the conditions for that guy are met, I need to be able to confidently plant myself and operate from that space despite past precedents. Do not let anyone bully you into downpricing what you yourself perceive as legitimate products of personal growth and development. Speaking of which...

4. The shitty challenge of turning envy into inspiration, and paddling outside your comfort zones in full riot gear. it is hard, but realizing that being a miserable, self-hating artist in my early days got me nothing but more misery back was the first real step I took and what truly blew the hinges off. I was just not pleasant to be around, I would badmouth my work all the time, and it all somehow made sense in my broken mind because the validation I sought was purely external and the way I sought it was through eliciting sympathy via self-victimization (even when I made something objectively nice). It all led fucking nowhere. Except perhaps to my own narcissism that I one day managed to identify and start managing. So I started looking at things that made me seethe with envy and calmly deconstruct and figure out their inner workings instead, do studies, and find nuggets of inspiration or discover new ways to approach rendering or building up specific elements. It was an application of analytical diligence to what I wanted to be a purely emotional, esoteric workflow, but that I deep down knew wasn't. Art is a discipline and a skill, and maybe it isn't a straight line, but you gotta find some line to thread nevertheless. Being self-hating was almost an identity I had to break out of, and despite it still being like, 4-5% there? I realize its cause and effect on me, my work, and those around me, so it is with a conscious choice that I gently set it aside when I work and especially when I learn. It won't always stay quiet, but the effort is the difference. Your doors towards accepting true growth and venturing into uncharted territories, art styles, and networking will really open from there. But there's a huge caveat...

5. Toolsets, accessibility, privilege, and all the good things that enable artistic expression and profitability are not given equal to all. you might do all the mental work I mentioned to be ready to rock and roll and learn and draw your way out of anything, but digital art is a fucking money pit that asks almost too much at times. I don't got a good case study here but identifying and ensuring accessibility to the tools you need to do your best work is, like, super important. The ergonomics can improve as you make money and settle into the job, but the basics have to be made available to you. And some of that might not even be under your direct control. That can be anything from pen tablets to software subscriptions to opportunities in hiring sullied by sexism or what have you. You gotta navigate all that through careful networking and money/time management. I don't do a good job of devoting specific slices of time to work/study, and my primary clutch is iPad software which went from a good deal to a nightmare scenario over the years. So all I can say here is do what I didn't; network, invest in a PC/tablet, and pick a software you'll learn that won't burn a hole in your pocket.

6. Be nice to work with? This one is hard to articulate and has landed my own ass in hot water in my early years because of how socially inept I am, but nothing is more worthwhile than being.. like. a good person to work with. That can be anything like meeting deadlines, or sometimes missing them but eloquently articulating why, being generous in early stages, being communicable and not too wordy in your emails, having a good grasp on abstract artistic concepts and how to describe them in simple terms, having a clear, laid out framework of your working rates in commercial and non-commercial projects and sticking to those guns with grace, understanding when you need to say no and saying it well, the works. Just being nice. Sometimes that might mean going headstrong with something you believe in, or simmering down and sucking up to the big man, all relative and adaptive. Part and parcel of the service provision dance that we all have to do in order to make bank. Know your lines here, obviously, and don't like. work for nazis. or uh.. *shudders* exposure. but be nice and empathetic and communicable and word will travel eventually. Skill may be in abundance these days, but good people are most certainly not, and capitalism has a way of bubbling up scarcity. Grim, but uh, them's the breaks.

I know I'm ultimately telling you to like. Have a body of work, make a portfolio, grow, and network. But that's really how I see it for now. And being nice can be a cherry on top that sets you apart, along with the inherent irreplaceable voice of your artwork. I think I rambled on enough, but if there is something specific you need my help with, even if you want to come off anon and talk in private, please feel free.

[raindancer2004]

Unloved and Unwanted?

Word Count: 3,395 Felix x Reader Part One. Warnings: Fluff Angst

Y/N was 17 years old when her entire life changed; her mother Molly died in a car accident and she found herself in Forks living with her father Charlie Swan, who she had never met.  Charlie was shocked when he got a phone call from Child Services advising him about Y/N as he didn’t know she even existed. This made it hard for Charlie to accept her; as a result he struggled to build relationship with Y/N once she arrived in Forks. Charlie and Sue were busy working and planning their wedding; leaving little time to help Y/N settle in.

Bella had already moved out as she was married to Edward Cullen and they had a daughter Renesmee. Bella did not make an effort to meet her younger half-sister, choosing to ignore her.

Y/N didn’t make any friends at her new school either, she went almost unnoticed there. She felt truly alone and it only made her miss her mom even more, especially as they had been very close before the accident.

One Saturday morning Bella dropped Renesmee off at Charlie’s for a visit but didn’t stay herself as she had things to do. After a few hours Charlie was called into the station due to an emergency and as Y/N was home he asked her to keep an eye on Renesmee. This surprised Y/N as she had only met Renesmee briefly a few times as she was not included in ‘family time’ during Renesmee’s visits. This led to Y/N staying in her room during Renesmee’s visits as to not be in the way. In fact Y/N stayed in her room even when Renesmee wasn’t around for the same reason.

Y/N and Renesmee baked chocolate chips cookies and watched a few Disney films together, before Charlie came home with take out. Y/N had dinner with them that night but only because Renesmee asked her to join them. Charlie did not engage Y/N in conversation other than to ask about what she and Renesmee did whilst he was at work.

That night when Renesmee got home she told her family about the time she spent with Y/N; how much she liked her and that she felt sorry for her as she had lost her mom. This conversation prompted Bella to finally decide to meet Y/N; six months after she had moved to Forks.

This decision prompted Alice to have a vision;

Y/N was in Italy with the Volturi; more specifically with Felix, one of the elite guards. They didn’t look happy together either with Felix leaving Y/N alone in her room and making his way to the throne room for guard duty.

Felix spending his evenings with Demetri and Santiago playing cards or playing on his computer console with other members of the guard when not on guard duty at night.

Y/N’s room was not very big and was barely decorated and the only visitors she got other than Felix was Gianna, who bought her meals every day, Heidi and Demetri who check in on her.

Edward saw the vision as it happened and knew what he had to; for this solved a problem for everyone, Y/N would leave Forks and live in Volterra. He filled his siblings and Bella in on the plan and they all agreed. “She’ll be someone’s else’s problem soon, Charlie still isn’t warming to the idea of having another daughter around” Edward told them, having read Charlie’s mind the last time he was over there “Bella, you need to befriend Y/N and bring her over so we can inform her about Vampires; the Volturi and her mate” Bella agreed instantly.

Bella met with Y/N at Charlie’s a few days later “Hello Y/N, I’m Bella. I’m sorry for not coming over sooner to meet you” “Hi Bella, that’s ok. It’s nice to finally meet you” Y/N replied “Yeah you too. How are you settling in?” Bella asked “I’m settling in ok, thanks” Y/N lied.

They spent the afternoon talking to each other attempting to get to know one another. Y/N couldn’t help feeling suspicious of Bella; wondering why she came over to meet her and why she was being nice to her after ignoring her the last six months.

The following Friday Bella called and invited Y/N over to the Cullen house “Hello Y/N, I hope you are ok. I’m calling to invite you over tomorrow. I think it would be nice for you to meet Edwards’s siblings” “Err, ok thanks. Sounds nice, thank you” Y/N relied. The following morning Bella drove to Charlie’s and picked up Y/N and bought her back to the main house. When they arrived Bella introduced her to everyone “Y/N this is my husband Edward” She said pointing to Edward “Hello Edward, it’s nice to meet you” Y/N greeted “You too Y/N” Edward smiled “These are my siblings Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice” He continued; they all smiled and said hello to Y/N and she did the same in return. “My father Carlisle is at the hospital and my mother Esme has taken Renesmee out for the day. Hopefully you’ll meet them next time” Edward added.  

Neither Carlisle nor Esme knew of Edward’s plan or the other’s involvement as they all knew that they wouldn’t agree with or support their plan.

They all sat down in the family room and explained to Y/N that they were vampires and that they feed off of animals instead of humans; hence their golden eyes. They explained that vampires have something called a ‘mate’; one person they would love, protect and spend an eternity with. They also explained that Rose and Emmett were mates; as were Jasper and Alice, Edward and Bella and lastly Carlisle and Esme. Alice explained that her, Jasper, Edward and Bella had ‘gifts’ and explained which each one was. Y/N nodded trying to take in the information so far

Emmett went onto explain about the Volturi who lived in Italy; how they were the rulers of the vampire world enforcing the laws, one of which was that humans were not allowed to know of their existence. “Why have you told me then?” Y/N asked confused. “We have told you about vampires because Alice has had a vision and it showed you with your mate; who is an elite Volturi guard” Edward answered. “What does that mean for me?” She asked “It means that you would need to go to Volterra to be with him. If they came here to check on Renesmee and found out that we knew you were the mate of one of their guards and we didn’t tell them; they would kill us and take you to Italy forcibly” Edward continued. “What is the guard I’m mated to like?” She asked. The Cullen siblings and Bella looked at each other before Rosalie answered her “He is known for being the strongest vampire in the world and has killed many vampires and humans alike” Shock flashed across Y/N’s face at hearing this “The Volturi do not like humans much; seeing them as not much more than their food source. So the news of one of their elite guards being mated to a human will not go down well” Rosalie continued. “He will likely reject you as his mate as you’re human” Bella added “I-If he is to reject me…why does he need to know about me?” Y/N asked. Noone answered her straight away, again looking at each other silently deciding who would answer her.

“As I said before, they would kill us if they found out we kept you from your mate. We can’t and won’t risk our lives for you” Edward replied rather matter of factly; Y/N said nothing. “You need to know more about your mate” Bella added and Y/N nodded, waiting for someone to continue.

“The Volturi do not usually allow newborns in the castle; however, they will make an exception for you…” “What do you mean newborns?” Y/N cut Edward off sounding confused “Newborns are what newly turned vampires are called” Bella answered her, Y/N nodded “You’ll spend your newborn years in the dungeon and provided your mate remembers you’re down there; you’ll more than likely be taken to a room in one of the towers…where you will spend your eternity once you’re no longer a newborn” Edward informed her “W-Why did you say if he remembered I was in the dungeon?” She asked a little worried “Edward means there are vampires that have been down in the dungeons for decades if not centuries. They kinda get forgotten about” Alice replied quickly “So if I am to be rejected, why would he keep me in the castle?” Y/N asked feeling confused. Jasper answered her this time “Once he meets you the mate bond will kick in and he will feel protective of you and will need to know that you are safe. If a vampire loses their mate they become heartbroken and overtime they fall into a deep depression and he won’t want that; the Volturi leaders won’t want that either as he is too valuable to them. This will still apply even after his rejection of you” “Oh” Was all Y/N could say.

“Some of the Volturi are gifted too, so you won’t be able to run and hide either as they have the world’s best tracker and they will send him after you and he will find you and drag you back to Volterra kicking and screaming if he has to. You’ll also see the cruel side of your mate too if you were to run from him” Emmett added; all of them being careful not to reveal Y/N’s mate’s name. “You leave for Volterra in three days. We have already bought you a ticket and to ensure you actually get there I will accompany you” Edward says. “So I don’t have a choice in this?” Y/N asked “No you don’t!” Bella said sharply. “Edward I don’t think going to Volterra with another human is a good idea. We have letters for her and Aro; I think it’s best if she goes alone” Alice says looking at Edward, who nods “Fine, but I’m taking her to the airport regardless. I’ll pick you up at 8pm Tuesday Y/N” Y/N just nods in response. Y/N made sure to not think about how she felt about this around Edward knowing that he may be able to read her mind.

Later that night Y/N started packing a few things for her trip and couldn’t help her thoughts ‘I find out I have a soulmate; someone who’s supposed to love me forever, only to find out that he won’t want me. He’ll just reject me and lock me away forever. I don’t know why I’m so surprised that someone else who is supposed to love me doesn’t. It’s the story of my life recently, being unwanted and unloved. It’s bad enough I have to stay here with Charlie who doesn’t want me around.’ Tears slipped down her cheeks at the thought of being unloved, unwanted and locked away forever, just to be forgotten about. She cried herself to sleep that night.  

The following morning Charlie opens a letter informing him that Y/N has been accepted into an Art college in Italy and that she is due there in a few days. Alice had put the letter together as a cover story for Y/N to leave Forks. “Morning, Y/N. This came yesterday after I left for work; it’s an acceptance letter for an Art college in Italy. They need you there in a few days so you should get packing” Charlie said smiling as Y/N entered the kitchen “Oh ok, I’ll-I’ll do that” Y/N couldn’t believe the Cullens had faked a letter to get her to Italy; clearly they wanted her gone and soon.

A few days later Edward dropped Y/N off at the airport “Here this is a letter for Aro; make sure to give it to him when you arrive at the castle. This letter is for you to read on the plane, it’s basically tells you what we told you the other night. When you arrive a car will be waiting to take you Volterra. Safe flight” He gets back in the car and drives away leaving Y/N at the airport alone.

Y/N sits on the plane reading the letter addressed to her; and it’s a repeat of the information she was told a few days ago. She thought about not going to Italy but figured the Cullens will know if she doesn’t arrive or they’ll call Aro to check that she arrived so it’s probably just easier to go voluntarily rather than be chased down by the Volturi’s tracker and incur the wrath of her mate.

The plane lands and Y/N makes her way through to the airport to the waiting car “Miss Y/S/N?” The man asks “Yes, you’re taking me to Volterra?” Y/N replies “Yes miss. Get in the car please” The man says placing her case in the trunk. Y/N is dropped off just outside of the town square “The castle is just up there; you can’t miss it as there’s a huge fountain in the middle of the square” “Thank you” Y/N said taking her case from the driver.

Y/N made her way to the town square and sat down on the fountain trying to get the courage up to walk into a castle full of vampires; knowing that once she’s inside she’ll never be allowed to leave. Unknown to Y/N she is being watched by Heidi who has stepped outside of the castle to see if there are any tourists around that she can add to the ‘castle tour’ scheduled for tomorrow. With her enhanced sight Heidi notices that Y/N holding an envelope in her hands whilst looking at the castle and after about an hour Heidi makes her way over to Y/N “Are you ok?” She asks sitting beside her “I think so” Y/N replies sounding unsure. “I’m Heidi by the way, so what brings you to Volterra?” Y/N notices Heidi’s eyes are a lilac colour and her skin is pale but looks perfect, just like the Cullens “I’m Y/N. I’ve been sent here to meet my mate, not that he’s going to happy about it. In fact I’ve been told that…he won’t want me” Y/N says looking down handing Heidi her letter “It’s all explained in here”

Heidi takes the letter reading it and it explains that Y/N is mated to one of the elite guards and as soon as she reads ‘he is the strongest vampire in the world’ she knows who Y/N’s mate is. Heidi frowns as she continues to read the letter as she doesn’t like what she is reading. It is depicting Felix as cruel when he is actually kind despite him coming across as intimidating due to his physical appearance. She also knows that Felix would his love his mate whether she be human or vampire as he has been waiting a long time to meet her and would be hurt if he knew that his mate thought of him this way. “Who gave you this letter?” Heidi asks sounding a little upset “Edward Cullen handed me this letter at the airport for me to read to remind me about what awaits me upon landing here. I also have another letter for Aro” She tells Heidi “How come you showed me this letter?” Heidi asks “You are a vampire and I’m guessing you live in the castle” Y/N replies “How did you…” Y/N cuts Heidi off “You have pale skin like the Cullens and you came from the direction of the castle and you didn’t seem surprised when I mentioned the word ‘mate’ nor when you were reading the letter” “Huh, very true. Would you like me to take you inside to meet Aro?” Heidi asks “I’m not sure if I’m ready to go in just yet” Y/N replies quietly “Ok I’ll wait with you until you’re ready” “Thank you Heidi.” Y/N gives Heidi a small smile. After an hour of sitting on the fountain making small talk Heidi and Y/N make their way into the castle; Heidi taking Y/N’s hand in hers “Do not let go of my hand Y/N” “Ok” Y/N nods.

Once inside the castle Heidi heads straight to the reception desk “Hi Gianna, this is Y/N. I need you to take this to Aro for me please” Heidi says handing her a quick note asking to meet with him, Caius and Marcus and minimal guards as she has a delicate matter to discuss. Heidi and Y/N wait in reception for Gianna to return “Heidi, Y/N, Aro is ready for you and the guards have been dismissed except for Jane and Demetri” Heidi was pleased Felix wouldn’t be in the room during this conversation.

They arrive at throne room “Good afternoon masters” Heidi greets them with a smile “Heidi so good to see you and you have bought a human with you” Aro replies curious. “There is a very good reason for that. This is Y/N and she has a letter for you from the Cullens” Caius’ attention is piqued when he hears the Cullens name mentioned. “May I see the letter please my dear?” Aro asks “Of course” Y/N responds handing the letter over. Y/N and Heidi watch Aro’s facial expressions as he reads the letter and he doesn’t seem happy. “What’s in the letter brother?” Caius asks impatiently; Aro extends his arm holding out the letter for him. “Y/N my dear, when did you learn about us?” Aro asks “A few days ago, I was invited to the Cullen’s house and Edward, his siblings and Bella informed me about vampires, the Volturi and…mates” She answered “Do you know who your mate is?” Caius interjects “Not exactly. I only know that he is one of the elite guards…and is known for being the strongest vampire in the world. Also that he along with the rest of you don’t like humans much…there-therefore he won’t want me…as his mate. I’ve been told that I will be rejected and locked away” Y/N replies not looking at Caius “WHAT?!” Caius screams; Heidi and Y/N flinch at this, Heidi grips Y/N’s hand in a comforting gesture. Y/N’s comment also gains Marcus’ attention whilst Jane and Demetri look on curiously.  

Caius storms down the steps to stand beside Aro “If you know you are to be rejected why did you come here?” Aro asks gently “Edward told me if you found out that they knew I was the mate of one of your guards and they didn’t tell you; you would kill them…and bring me here by force. He said they wouldn’t risk their lives for me. They also said that if I were to run and hide…you-you would send the world’s best tracker after me; who would find me and…bring me here…kicking and screaming if needed and…I would incur the wrath of my mate…who can be rather cruel. I-I figured it was just easier to come here willingly” She replied quietly looking down. Demetri felt himself get a little angry hearing that the Cullens had used him to threaten the human girl into coming to Volterra. “You mentioned being locked away, what do you mean by this?” Caius asked confusion clearly showing on his face “Edward told me that you do not usually allow newborns in the castle; however, you will make an exception for me…that I’d spend my newborn years in the dungeon and…provided my mate remembers I’m down there; he’ll come and get me… lock me away in the tower where I’ll spend eternity once I’m no longer a newborn”

A look of shock crossed the faces of the three kings as well as Jane’s and Demetri’s upon hearing this. “I want you know that I don’t intend to object to the rejection” Y/N added. “Why would you accept the rejection child?” Marcus asks curiously joining his brothers at the bottom of the steps “Not being wanted is not a new thing for me. I’m not going to make someone be with me if they don’t want to be. I have no intention of messing up his life just because I’m not wanted back home either” Y/N replied looking at Marcus, who gave her a small smile.

‘Poor beautiful, broken girl.’ Heidi thought to herself listening to this last part.