#the lighting in this scene is a lot but it’s also so pretty
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I was tagged by @retrotrait, @simvanie, @moonwoodhollow, @aheathen-conceivably annnnnnd @salemssimblr to post my top 24 screenshots from 2024, but I jumped the gun on posting a retrospective earlier this month.
I still wanted to do something, though, so I'm going to take some inspiration from @elderwisp and talk about my favorite story scenes of the year specifically - since there's nothing I love more than yapping and reminiscing.
Before I start rambling, I'll tag @living-undead, @esotericas-sims, @fallstaticexit, @simsdaughters, @biffybobs, @whyeverr, @kissalopa and @earthmoonz! I'm sure some of you have already done this (and no pressure if you don't want to), but I'd love to see you reflect on your year in whatever way suits you!
Good food and hard truths with Grace Anansi (one, two). I think this is quietly one of my favorite moments in the story so far because it revealed so much about Caleb's past that until this point had only been hinted at. It also gave him a friend and confidante, which he sorely needed. This was an extremely lengthy and exposition-heavy conversation, so it was challenging but rewarding to write, edit (endlessly), and execute in a compelling way. Plus, its final moments had to lead seamlessly into...
Party like a spellcaster (one, two). I think this was the first flashback in the story, so it was a pretty big deal! It was also the point where my ambitions started making scene preparation increasingly complicated. I spent a hell of a long time converting broomsticks and potions into pose accessories, but I was so pleased with how the vision came together, and it taught me a lot of skills that have become indispensable as my ideas grow more elaborate. Overall, it was a welcome moment of levity and joy for Caleb, even as we know tragedy looms in the future.
Lilith does a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing. Turns out once I started doing flashback scenes, I couldn't stop. You guys have no idea how it felt to sit on this particularly nasty secret for months. I wanted it to be a shocking reveal that fully established Lilith's villain status, but I also knew I would have to get her back into Helena's - and our - good graces eventually. It's been interesting to write a character like her who you love and hate at once. Ultimately, I want all of us to be on the same rollercoaster ride as Helena, equal parts repulsed and fascinated. This was especially wild to bring to life because it felt pretty surreal to be adding a whole new layer to this idea that originated years ago in my legacy!
Helena Zhao can't come to the phone right now. I was very proud of this scene because it was the first one where I made all the poses myself. It was also a major turning point in Helena and Julia's relationship, where their sisterly bond is deeply tested. I may have cried a little while writing and shooting it. I really enjoyed the brief moments we got to spend in Julia's perspective, and I hope to bring her back if the story calls for it. Although she was in extreme shock at what her sister had done, I imagine she'd eventually come around to having a bit more compassion for her situation. She'd probably be open to reconciling someday, presuming Helena ever sets foot in Copperdale again.
Reunited and it feels so... good? (one, two). I didn't even realize I posted Helena and Lilith's reunion on April Fool's! Everyone was waiting with bated breath to see if they would ever cross paths again... and who are we kidding? Of course they would! I had a very good time writing this conversation and giving Helena a chance to finally get everything off her chest - though, of course, she couldn't help but be worn down by Lilith's manipulative charm in the end. And then Caleb got his comeuppance for keeping the truth of what happened a secret for so long, reminding us once again just how scary Lilith can be.
Plasma Pals! As dark as this story is, I enjoy weaving in moments of comedy and lightness when I can, so it was really fun to portray Caleb and Helena's evolving friendship through the lens of a cheesy sitcom. I wasn't sure it would hit with anyone other than me because the funniest things I write are usually accidental. It's hard to be funny on purpose! But it ended up being possibly my most popular story post ever, so obviously I did something right.
Lilith teaches Helena the true art of supernatural seduction. I wanted this section of the story to be all about the two very different approaches Lilith and Caleb take to teaching Helena. This was one of my most technically challenging scenes. I shot the entire attack sequence twice because I was underwhelmed the first time. But in the end I'm glad I took the time to do that because it contains some of my favorite screenshots ever and really conveys Helena's internal struggle. But will she be able to resist when it inevitably happens again?
The night where it all began, part one. I love this entire series of flashbacks, but I'm particularly fond of the opening because we finally get a glimpse into what Caleb and Lilith's relationship was like as humans. It turns out they liked each other! And only bickered in a light-hearted way! And conspired and giggled together! This was another scene where I made all the poses. It was exhausting, but these flashbacks to the Vatores' vampire origins were so important for me to get right. I'd been thinking about them for a long time, so I wanted them to be as perfect as possible.
How Caleb was transformed, one and two. Again with the flashbacks! I think part of the reason I like them so much is because, as much work as they are, they always offer a change of scenery that refreshes my creativity. This particular scene was one I was obsessing over for months, so I had cultivated a very specific vision of how it would play out and didn't want to compromise. I'm glad I had the foresight to start learning posing far enough in advance that I felt ready to take it on. If I had to choose, this is my single favorite scene of the year. Everything came together exactly how I wanted, and it gives me chills every time I revisit it.
A very vampiric dinner date, part two. This entire sequence took so much work to complete from beginning to end! But it was the first big outing beyond Forgotten Hollow in a while, and I wanted it to be special. I enjoyed being able to put a bunch of pre-mades into compromising positions with your guys' vampires. As much of a pain as it is to pose multiple Sims, the end results are always worth it. And then, of course, the sequence resolves in Helena and Lilith having a genuine moment of intimacy for the first time since Helena was turned, which had us all squealing.
Helena is horny and confused. Can you believe this is the only Ulrike appearance of the year? 😭 I'm really glad I managed to sneak one in. Even though they broke up before she was turned, Ulrike is the ultimate reminder of Helena's human life, of everything she left behind and of what could have been. Other than her family, Ulrike is who Helena misses most when she thinks about the past. This scene was pulled together quickly based on me finding the pose pack. I wasn't entirely sure if it would even work as part of the main narrative. But I feel like the spontaneity made it feel extra special, even if it is a smaller moment.
Forgotten Hollow 101. If anything, the theme of this year has been taking an increasingly long amount of time to finish every post. This is in part because I got busier in the second half of the year but also because I can't stop thinking up crazy complicated ideas. This one took me a month more or less. Even though each vampire only had one picture, it required a lot of effort to get them all in game, find poses, set up locations, etc.! But it was so important to me to do justice to your guys' vampires, so I was happy to take the time, even in the couple of moments where I began to feel burned out. I hope to keep showing off your lovely creations next year!
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I really wish Season 3 had spent some time with the psychological aftermath of Mizumono from Alana’s perspective. We get to see Bedelia’s perspective on her time with Hannibal, but not Alana’s, even though she’s a well-established character who’s right in the middle of the Will-Hannibal relationship, and would presumably have some good insights.
I also would have much preferred to spend more time on Alana and Margot’s relationship development, because that was so rushed that it was really hard to invest in them as a couple. Perhaps they could’ve done that rather than whatever the hell that underbaked shit with Chiyoh’s prisoner was.
I also think that everything that happens with Alana in s3B is rather… shit, honestly. Like, I can see why she would think she had a duty to try to contain Hannibal (even though she absolutely failed to do so, and was clearly being blackmailed by him for special privileges, and would lose her license to practice psychiatry if her past romantic relationship with him ever came to light).
I get that there’s a thematic element to her becoming more hardened and corrupt as a result of her exposure to Hannibal. (Will and Jack have the same arc.)
But I dunno… it just sucked. Alana gets so massively mindfucked - arguably, even more than Will. It feels to me like we’re supposed to receive her badass-bitch rebirth as a sort of vindication, but it just rings false to me.
(Not because she abruptly becomes lesbian, by the way. That seems both plausible and sensible, given both the facts of the story and decisions I have made about my own romantic life as an AFAB bisexual. The cis men I seem to attract / select haven’t been serial killers [yay?], but they do tend to fucking suck in very specific ways, so… I get why Alana would choose not to keep spinning that same roulette wheel.)
But like, I think we’re supposed to be happy for her, but all I see Alana getting in s3 is:
1. A relationship that’s hard to care about, because other than a frankly nightmarish male-gaze-y sex scene, we barely see it.
2. A child whose father fucking sociopath who tortured her partner; and which was conceived specifically to satisfy the conditions in her partner’s abusive father’s will. (EMPOWERING.)
3. A job where she gets to be cruel to Hannibal, but also where it seems like he’s torturing her, and probably blackmailing her for special privileges.
It sucks. She deserved better, and viewers who could see themselves in Alana deserved better.
~
Also, this is a lot more specific, but as someone who has had both chronic hip pain and pretty severe neurologically-caused leg weakness, and who has also lived for many years with someone who used a cane - everything about how Alana’s disability was portrayed rankled me.
There are at least two scene where Alana stands leaning heavily on her cane the whole time, even though there are chairs available. Presumably, someone - either Alana as a character, or the people directing the scene - thought that you couldn’t project authority while sitting, so she just stands instead. But we never see her pay for that, the way you would in House / the Malpractice Georg show; so I think it’s just a matter of them thinking it looked better, and damn all other considerations.
And like, not to harp on the sex scene, but like… god forbid considerations related to portraying a character a chronic disability get in the way of a good shot there.
Basically, I know it’s all a very stylized fantasy, but like… don’t give a character a disability if you’re not gonna take it seriously.
Thinking about fandom hating women for the sake of yaoi rn. In the special case of Hannibal TV
I need to talk about Alana Bloom. Right Now. Ok? Ok. Ok.
She had every right to reject Will. In fact, I think it was a good choice. She set a boundary, communicated clearly what her own needs were, as well as telling him that while she does like him, this wasn't what either of them needed. And Will respected that! He realized he was clutching for balance in his state of intense fear and instability, and he realized that after the fact, went to Hannibal to talk about it.
'HOT' Take incoming.
She ALSO had every right to enter a relationship with Hannibal during Will's incarceration. Think about things from HER perspective. Yes, it SEEMS obvious, to US, the VIEWER, that Hannibal was pulling strings, that she should have believed Will form the start, but the entire point of Hannibal's manipulation and the way it is done in the show, is that it is meant to be obvious to us while being believably effective on other characters. And if you know a damn thing about abuse, you can see that it is done WELL. Alana had had nothing but good interactions with Hannibal, had seen him do nothing but good, for others. Good at his job, good at being a friend, trying his best to help. SHE DOES NOT SEE WHAT WE SEE. That is the point. She is kept purposefully in the dark, and from her perspective, Will is the only one proven to have committed any crime. So no, I will not accept any Alana Bloom bashing.
#alana bloom#hannibal meta#hannibal analysis#hannibal s3#disability representation#bad disability rep#the male gaze#the kaleidoscopic lesbian sex scene#hannibal#hannibal nbc#nbc hannibal#margot verger#survivor wives
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And these——the dreams—writhed in and about, taking hue from the rooms, and causing the wild music of the orchestra to seem as the echo of their step.
Edgar Allen Poe, the Masque of the Red Death
lighting study from episode two of the fall of the house of usher
#the fall of the house of usher#the masque of the red death#verna#art#my art#feather draws#been a hot second since I’ve painted anything but verna…. I am but a simple gay. I see pretty morally dubious woman and I fall in love#the lighting in this scene is a lot but it’s also so pretty
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I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#benjamin sisko#jake sisko#s1 Julian being so young and eager to prove himself and latching onto Sisko as this mentor figure to look up to#seeing Sisko with Jake and low-key seeking that fatherly figure connection which he won't even let himself think about#Sisko seeing this young brilliant doctor who's got all the makings to be something great and he's just GOTTA help him along#I think he would also catch on pretty quick that Julian's got Parental Issues#he tries to ask one day all casual like 'tell me about yourself :)' and Julian talks about nothing but Starfleet and med school#any attempts to ask about his family are met with awkward brief answers and redirections#and then theres the way Julian's eyes light up the first time Sisko invites him to watch a baseball game#like he Knows. he's a dad he Knows somethings up#but he doesnt pry#I also think it makes their dynamic more tragic towards the end of the series#where we have Sisko asking Julian to compromise his morals again and again#Julian's trust and respect for him gradually deteriorating#and then at the end of course Sisko is gone and they have no idea when he'll be back#which I think Julian would have a lot of complicated feelings about#but of course theres also Jake#I imagine they'd get closer#very brotherly dynamic#you know that scene in TNG where Wesley goes to Riker for girl advice and Riker and Guinan start flirting?#absolutely happens but with Jake asking Julian for girl advice and Julian wooing a girl at Quark's and Jake absolutely loses the plot#makes the events of ...Nor the Battle to the Strong more intense as well I think#also I like to think there'd be an episode where the B plot is Jake gets mad at Sisko and impulsively decides to move out#ends up at Julian's because he did not think this through#Julian is now very much caught in the middle of this family drama and he Fucking Hates It#also him and Jake are NOT compatible roommates but he's trying so so hard to be nice#eventually they have a talk and Julian cryptically hints at his own home life and tells Jake he's lucky he has a dad who cares so much#them being closer would work into what Alone Together sets up for them
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— SMALLVILLE, “Wither” (6.03)
#can't believe they danced together in a fountain and we didn't get to see it 😭#anyway I love the comfortable physicality of this scene#like lex talking with his hands while still holding lana's hand in the second to last gif#and the fact that they're both walking around the mansion barefoot#and their smiles!! (especially in gifs 2 and 6!)#(pretty sure this is the last time we really see lex genuinely smile like this... but that's depressing so let's not think about it)#(also I could obviously dig into lex refusing to admit that he's actually happy but hoo boy I don't have time for all that lol)#in my head time stopped here and nothing bad happened after this like that's it THE END#smallville#smallvilleedit#svedit#lex luthor#lana lang#lexana#sv 6x03#dcmultiverse#my gifs#I told y'all that I had a gifset from this ep floating around in my drafts somewhere lol#not pictured here: me fist-fighting the smallville lighting department in a denny's parking lot
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Never getting over this scene. the chapters right before this of gojo thinking quickly while dozens of people get killed but not hesitating in making risks. all this cool guy behavior only to be completely frozen by the corpse of his best friend saying his name. right when there’s a flashback of jogo saying not even a thousand lives could distract him, but kenjaku knowing without a doubt geto’s could.
Then gojo immediately experiencing for the first time what he just put others through by activating his domain. Reliving years of his past actions and experiences with geto (who marked his “youth”) in just a moment.
Meanwhile, Kenjaku is taunting Gojo for not getting rid of Geto’s body or forgetting Geto when we know Kenjaku fully centered their plan around Gojo being affected by Geto. And with Kenjaku knowing Geto’s memories, Gojo’s last words to him, and the throw away line that Gojo couldn’t destroy the body after JJK 0 despite acting positive afterwards with his students... It’s so heartbreaking, but incredibly written
#jjk spoilers#gojo satoru#geto suguru#kenjaku#id in alt#satosugu#there’s also just. a lot with the light novel (technically not canon so yknow) mentioning gojo trying not to get nostalgic and make faces#when getting ready to kill geto#combined with not disposing properly of his body and recent chapters with wanting to properly mourn/bury him..#it’s pretty clear gojo just. has not fully processed everything that happened#and kenjaku being kenjaku used it against him#not like it’s the first time they’ve used someone’s love to emotional manipulate someone using a corpse 😰#anyways it’s one of my fav manga moments and just everything. the villainy the reveal the themes gojos having a distinct weakness#chef’s kiss#this isn’t even an analysis or anything and I feel like this scenes are constantly brought up by fans#but idc I’ll add to it#this is also just about gojos side but wow when you consider Geto’s role in the story too and in these moments. that’s a whole other thing 😭#but I already rambled too much
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That LCSYS and OoA crossover got me wondering about Fuuta.
How does he feel about being in Mahiru's place and Amane being in his place? How does he act around them?
How does he act during his interrogation?
Poor guy isn't cut out for this role, but he's doing his best! I had some format fun with this one -- I took your OoA chapter of his interrogation and put Fuuta's LCSyS thoughts in between, I think it worked out well! I discovered some new things about Fuuta's mindset in the au through the process of writing, it was really interesing :0
(Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, including a brief mention of Haruka's situation. There's also something about Fuuta repeatedly stopping Es from getting Shidou.)
Fuuta heard Es' footsteps approaching. He took a measured breath. In and out. His exhale trembled a bit from nerves. He figured he could use that to his advantage.
Es entered the cell and took in the layout. Fuuta was propped up in a hospital bed, his neck and torso securely braced and his left arm in a sling. He was kneading a Jackalope stress toy with his right hand, digging his nails into it. More stress toys stood on the table to his right, and Es almost tripped on one a few feet ahead. As Fuuta saw Es approaching, he dropped what he was holding and swatted the rest out of his reach.
"Been a… while, Warden," Fuuta said. Es was expecting more malice in his tone, but he sounded like his life force was draining.
Fuuta hadn't liked the idea of playing the damsel in distress. He wasn't some sickly bedridden patient with a quivering voice and trembling limbs. Thankfully, Mahiru and Mikoto had talked him into taking a different angle: some of their favorite books and movies featured a battle-weary hero, weak from the fight and scorning the cowards that didn't fight alongside him. That seemed doable, he thought. He put an extra pant into his breath, hoping to evoke the thought of messy wounds from his brawl with Kotoko.
"Fuuta… you…" They pulled a chair to the side of the table and took a seat. "Are you okay?"
That's their opening? What kind of fucking question is that?
He kept Mahiru's pointers in his head, picturing a bloodied and bandaged knight, or maybe an action hero resting up after getting riddled with bullets. He forced his voice to come out more tired than he felt.
"…look like it?" Fuuta responded. If he was angry, his voice did a terrible job of showing it.
Es didn't know how to respond. Do I look like it? was obviously a rhetorical question, but they needed to show some tact.
After a moment, Fuuta spoke up again. "…look awful… don't I?"
Still unsure of what to say, Es nodded slightly.
Heh. Good. Time to twist the knife a bit. Play the confident card, make them feel guilty. They'll see how strong I am -- how strong I've always been -- and what a mistake it was to let me fall so far.
"Could've been worse. Could've died."
Es stared down, pondering their next words. Several seconds passed.
Fuuta watched them. He felt a sinking in his stomach. Their sullen silence wasn't what he'd been anticipating. He wouldn't have been satisfied with a lot of possible responses, but he'd still been expecting something. Where was their respect? Their remorse? Their pity? Anything? He reached his arm out.
A loud knock on the table got their attention.
"Oi… talking to you." Fuuta's irritated glare met Es as they lifted their head.
"I'm sorry," they said, "I'm… I'm not sure what I can say."
"Don't know what to say? I almost died because of… you don't know… Even so, it's a miracle I … If Shidou had taken any longer, would've been over for me. Don't blame him, though.
I think I've said too much -- Shidou said only a few sentences at a time...
It was impossible to keep it short, though. Es just told him that they have nothing to say in defense of his near-death. Did he really mean so little to Es that they wouldn't even dignify him with an explanation?
"…Oi, say something."
"Sor-"
"Sorry won't cut it." Fuuta sounded more pained than angry.
That was easier to accomplish now that he was actually feeling some pain. After everything, all Es had to say was a half-hearted "sorry."
So, they really don't care about me...
Es took a breath. "…Kotoko did this to you?"
Well then, I guess I'll just have to make them care.
"No sh… agh…" Fuuta gasped for air.
"Fuuta!" Es got up and walked to his side. "I'll go get Shidou-"
"Don't!" Fuuta's eyes betrayed his desperation.
Only when my pain is thrown directly in my face do they give a damn. And they were going running off to Shidou, anyway! Though maybe...
After they locked eyes for a few moments, Fuuta let out a chuckle. "Look … you … down on me, like always. Must be so happy to see…"
"I- no, I'm not. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't think Kotoko would-"
"Beat me to near-death? What'd you expect … you affirmed her…"
"I…"
"…thought she wouldn’t have … same crime here in…"
It seemed Es was finally listening, finally trying to open themself to him. And all of the sudden, Fuuta hated it. He felt paranoid under their gaze. He wasn't sure if it was fear of them seeing through his false injuries, or fear of another judgement from them. Regardless, he felt his pulse race with the way they were watching him.
"Oi, quit standing… staring…"
"I’m sorry, I didn't think-"
"Useless… apology…"
But what else could Es do besides apologize? Stand their ground and contradict Fuuta while he was in that pitiful state?
Fuuta was tired of their weak apologies. If Es had the conviction to name him guilty, they should toughen up and admit it.
With a deep breath, Fuuta forced himself to stay slumped into the bedsheets. He was getting riled up, but couldn't afford to look to strong.
"Really didn't think it'd… turn out… Me too. All I did… call some bad person out… say what's wrong was wrong…"
Es' gaze had become intense again. Those eyes, staring into his. Studying his injuries. Studying his expression.
Staring.
Staring.
Staring.
"Their reasons were b-" Fuuta gasped and clutched his chest. Es began to turn towards the door, but Fuuta grabbed their cape with his right hand.
Why can't they just offer help themself? Why do they go running off to someone else at the first sign of trouble? Am I really so disliked they can't face me?
Es swatted his hand away. "Hey, you can't just grab me like that."
"Don't dare…"
"Fine, I won't get Shidou. Yet." Es stood in place and waited for Fuuta to regain his voice.
Fuuta pretended to catch his breath, using the time to muster up something to say. If he wasn't so insistent on Es taking some responsibility for themself, he'd consider letting them call Shidou and just end this whole interrogation. He was ready to jump up and start swinging.
He itched to leap out of bed and give Es a real piece of his mind. He repeated the others' advice and pleading for him to keep his temper in check for the sake of the experiment. He thought of Amane -- how eagerly she awaited her own interrogation. All of this had been her plan, after all. As miserable as he was, he wouldn't ruin everything before she got her turn.
No, I will not steal her trial.
"You judged me… said I was unforgivable… without the whole story… How's that any different?"
"Excuse me?"
"That's so hypo- khh!" Fuuta slammed his hand on the table, trying to play it off as an emphasis, but that didn't mask his pain.
"Careful, Fuuta! You'll hurt-" Es gave up on that concern when Fuuta glared.
Pssh, like they actually care.
"Someone died because of you. You're saying I'm the same?"
"I didn't think they'd die!"
"But you knew people would dogpile them."
"I wasn't acting alone. Anyone else… out of my control… Why'd you pick me…"
"Milgram has judged-"
"Milgram doesn't make any f-"
Maybe Es should have put their foot down and called Shidou regardless of Fuuta's wishes. But something compelled them to hear him out. "Don't push yourself."
He tried to gauge if they were being sincere. He wasn't sure if he only mistook it as genuine concern since he was hoping for that so very badly.
Fuuta was clearly annoyed, but he took a breath and continued. "Still don't see it? We're just the same!"
"Me? The same as you?" Es couldn't deny Fuuta's point. They both made their judgments without thinking that someone could be seriously hurt—or dead.
That's got their mind turning, huh? I've got 'em now -- even if they don't feel like taking responsibility for my condition, I can subtly get them to take responsibilty for anothers'.
Fuuta was not known for his subtlety.
"I'll tell you. They were just in middle school. Maybe closer to Amane… than you…"
"Amane…" Es already knew this from what they gleaned from Fuuta's first video, but it didn't register how close in age their victims were. Wait, why were they thinking of Amane as a victim? "Amane… huh… I noticed you two have been spending a lot of time together lately."
"You kidding? Don't change the subject... You don't talk about her like… Only one who cared before everything went to hell. You made her go through it. Decided she wasn't forgivable… painted a target… She could've died too! Then we'd be exactly…"
"Don't put me on the same level as you."
He took another moment to calm himself. His "broken" arm clenched into a fish underneath the blankets. It made sense that Es wouldn't want to talk about the other prisoners during his interrogation, but their avoidance of Amane made his blood boil.
"Are you not-"
"I'm just doing my job. Nobody told you to go online and decide who are bad people and harass them. You made a game out of judgment. This is what I'm supposed to do."
Fuuta laughed at Es for still failing to acknowledge their similarities. Then he winced in pain. Then he kept laughing and mocking Es for taking their job seriously.
It was difficult to keep up the act the whole time, but he was always quick to recover each time he slipped up. He was doing this for the others. All hope for himself was lost, but at least he could do this for the others.
Es snapped back. A pointless, cyclical conversation. Fuuta stopped Es from calling Shidou no less than three times.
If he had to sit here and suffer through this interrogation, so did Es.
Eventually, the bell brought the conversation to a halt.
Silence.
Why was Fuuta so quiet?
"Hey… Fuuta?" Es leaned over to get a better look at his face. His eyes seemed glassy, and he seemed to be breathing more slowly. "Fuuta… I'll go get-"
"Don't. Not worth…"
"Worth what?"
"If you're not going to… forgive… what's the point… living?"
Fuuta would just chalk it up to getting too in-character, when the others asked.
"Don't say-"
"Everything hurts so much."
This feeling of betrayal. Of loneliness. The fact that I was the first named unforgiven. The fact that I'd be the first attacked, making me the victim -- not a hero, nor a warrior. The fact that you knew all along. You knew I was none of those things. You saw right through my act, to the real me, the one who is a victim. And that's why you acted the way that you did. You're trying to do your job without hurting me any more, as if I'm something fragile to be handled carefully. And that hurts most of all.
To keep things on track, he added,
"Painkillers don't help… Strange wonder I survived. Is it really worth it?"
"Worth it…" What could Es even say about that? Anything they could think of was either more unwanted pity or…
A cold accusation that Fuuta was bargaining his life for forgiveness. Es's thoughts flitted back to Haruka's interrogation- no, that comparison was unfair. Haruka's loaded intentions were worlds away from Fuuta's resignation. How could Es dare…
"I understand… this job requires resolve…"
"Resolve? You really have resolve… just kill me. With your own two hands. Don't hide behind the rules."
Look who's talking...
"I can't do that. I can't sink to the prisoners' level. It's my job as the warden to make a fair judgement. I… I have to judge each and every one of you… no matter how much they plead, cry, or bargain… even if they are dying right in front of me."
"What is even the point? You give a damn about my life, forgive me! If not, kill me… get it over with."
The words came tumbling out. Fuuta tried not to think so hard about what he was saying. It was all in character. That was it.
For some reason, he got the sinking sensation that he'd be pulled aside later to explain himself. He wasn't sure who'd get to him first. Yuno? Shidou? Kotoko? Now that he thought about it, it would probably be Mahiru.
"Bargaining tactics won't work with me."
"Not like I care. Or… if I get out of this alive, I'll… kill… you…"
"Fine by me. If we truly are the same, then I'll have had it coming. Now, Prisoner no. 3, Fuuta, sing your sins."
Fuuta breathed a sigh of relief.
Fucking finally...
#milgram#au combo!!#es#fuuta kajiyama#order or attack#lights camera sing your sins#we are fuutaposting (FOUR posts across blogs??) then going to SLEEP its past my bedtime -_-#i was busy today so i stole some peaceful me time to write >:3 but i stole too much and now its 1am.... alas......#it was really fun setting this up like directors commentary asdfsdf (which i have an actual one to do from you still)#i expected for him to have more anger and impatience but i realized hed be pretty emotionally hurt still#also yeah. i think hed be in a bit of denial about his self-harming thoughts and unsure why they just start spilling out#then has to unpack A Lot behind the scenes#i think if it were anyone else hed go 'screw it - im going to ruin this experiment and call es out and everyone can go home'#but because he was moved by amanes mission specifically he has the bare minimum of self control to keep the act up ;--;#i wanted to include more of the fun behind the scenes mv details that hes aware of but it never really came up 🤔#thank you for the ask - this was so fun! :0#drabbles#maybe? more like a parasite drabble latched onto your writing 😅
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I really liked Ramon's idea of filling a tag with cute little things for Fit's birthday, and I was like "Hey, I got a bit of time to spare today, I can whip something up real quick. Surely I don't have THAT many clips of Fit!"
Well...
#mod talk#head in hands#I don't even think this is all of them this is just ones I've remembered to tag with Fit's name#I've been archiving since last April. I've got. A lot of clips. Which I should probably be putting on an external hard drive at this point#Anyways re: the video; I've whittled it down a lot and it's still almost 5 minutes long#I am NOT going to post a 5 minute long video I'm cutting this thing down to like. 3 minutes MAXIMUM#I don't think anyone would watch that and frankly even 3 minutes is pushing it#I liked the last big compilation edit I did before recent events made me unhappy about the subject#So I'm mostly doing this for my own sake and for fellow fans because I think it'll give everyone a laugh#also Ramon because his admin is a sweetie for thinking of this#anyhoo. ya boy's real tired but putting these things together is pretty fun#it's time consuming but tbh the hardest part is just the subtitling. It's just super tedious and time consuming#the rest is fun even if it's also a bit time consuming#I try to keep RA pretty light on textposts but I think it's fun sharing behind the scenes notes about what I'm working on
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Getting up to trouble is his speciality (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#The Captain#Mixed set! :D Lots of singular doodles - one-offs or ones that apply to a few different scenes#The kiss is random tho <3 I still haven't gotten to ZEX showing off his uniform to Zelnick! I want them to!!#Him seeing his Captain in his uniform was so lovely tho <3 I love Big Love and that was so <3 Hehe#Smooch ♥#ZEX does not eat enough ;; He eats like a bird and it's highly distressing#I actually wrote in my notes that I was surprised he wasn't hurting In The Same entry as when he was experiencing hunger pangs haha#It doesn't help that he tends to talk through meals rather than eat - he's so much more interested in making connections with humans!#As far as metaphors go - killing himself for the sake of trying to bridge that gap - I mean it's apt but ZEX please#I think it was while he was talking to Wally at one point that he framed the War in a very flippant light-hearted way which was funny to me#I don't think that's the descriptor most people would use haha#Swearing <3 <3 VUX terminology <3 <3#I want a VUX glossary of terms so badly hehe I've been slowly compiling a few here and there :3 Direct translation! The dream ♫#Him getting stressed enough to swear is very endearing haha ♪ What do you mean I'm endeared by everything he does don't be silly#The next one of me deeply enjoying when he's creepy is not proof of anything! Just because I Happen to also like that!!#I do really love when he's creepy tho agh <3 <3 The mental image of him as The Hunter - casually cornering and capturing his prey <3#In that instance he was interrupted pretty quickly but the setup was there!! And it was extremely good!!!#I love how huffy he gets as well haha ''All these humans interrupting my seduction attempts >O( ...Wait O|'' lol#And finally an exchange on the board between him and Scarecrow haha so many fun faces around!!#I love him being completely baffled by a non-mechanical construct it just short-circuits his brain haha ♥#He's so intelligent but there exists things unknowable!#The image of him tapping his pen is so Incredibly cute ah <3 Where did he learn such a thing! Does it translate from his VUX form to this ♪#Anything everything ♥ Learned or known! It's wonderful
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Entering the Bayou
#sherlock holmes the awakened#sherlock holmes#my screenshots#can we pls take a moment to talk about how pretty this whole cutscene is?#the pre-rendered scenes in this game are all so gorgeous and I wish they had the time to make more#there's someone at FW who knows exactlyyyy how to light Sherlock's face and I'm living for it#& also I have such a feeling they had to cut A LOT out of this level... I should do a post about it
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Netflix has been trying to get me to watch this master's sun show for ages so I finally caved and its incredibly camp and silly and ridiculous but I truly cannot get over how strange the lead female character is. The premise is she can see ghosts so everyone kinda thinks she's crazy but the way the actress plays it is so funny and odd and absolutely not what I expected but I'm like. In love with her.
#Like when I say it's silly I mean it's SILLY#peak 2013 rom/dramedy lots of embarrassing scenes and all that but I just fully love that they probably could have made her less spacey#And odd I.e the ghost whisperer or any other number of I solve Ghost Problems shows#Idk its pretty dodgy and camp and I know a lot of people wouldn't enjoy that but I'm havin such a fun time watching it#Also not to say the lead actress isn't pretty bc she is but this is before the horrific filters and immense lighting#All the dramas have now like she has a pretty normal face and skin and teeth and it's So fuckin nice to see someone#Who is cute but also looking like a pretty normal person yk
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.
#once in english class we watched A Study in Pink and had to take notes on the filmmaking details we noticed#I think about that specific day pretty often because I so suddenly discovered I had so much fun noticing all of this stuff#and there was a lot to notice#minute details where you can't be sure if they're there or if the curtains are just blue#like light and dark in a frame foreshadowing the morality of people in that position in the next frame and the like#stuff where you can't tell if it's intentional but even if it's not it's still doing something#and that so quickly and clearly nailed it for me what I myself like in visual storytelling in films and would love to do myself someday#and come to think of it that's exactly why Lucky Number Slevin is my favorite movie#(one of the reasons)#because it's on a whole different level#it's chock full of details that on the surface are just pretty#then below that they have a pretty solid function that's not too hard to make out#and then below that there's a fucking world of 'look what this is also doing' that makes my heart race when I spot a new one#there's load bearing convoluted wallpaper for fucks sake. And that's by far the most obvious#I still notice new stuff about this movie that leaves me sitting there like 'shit that's so smart'#not in a 'this is genius' way most of the time but a very solid#'yeah this was a good choice;#you could have easily done it differently but this way you sidestepped the hint of a vibe based problem three scenes down the line'#and I freaking LOVE that#anyway I just found out. same fucking director.#somehow... this keeps happening#yes I'm currently watching it again. fourth or fifth time this month I don't remember exactly
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collection of fav screenshots. i mostly screenshot dialogue when i play so choices more limited without including those xD
#shitpost#so glad i wore that white outfit for endgame its so stunning#i like a lot of the outfits but im so picky b/c a lot of them are too like. damaged lol?#i want the pretty ones#also the post credits scene has just gorgeous lighting#cutscenes were great in this game#in general just this game was great.
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yeah, sorry, just gonna push that penumbra agenda until we find a common denominator
#just proved I could have worse words okay?#but I just think it's a really neat word#fun fact: I learned it from Selki's fic title bc at first I was like hmmm is this an akuma or a hero name what's this about#and then it turned out to be a word! how delightful! it's such a nice word too!!#an adjacent word I also love is crepuscular#just. so pretty. so many pretty and fancy ways to describe different light conditions#I've been doing that a LOT in my wip for important moments -- oop romeo and juliet core -- and I just. think it's really neat#yes so I might have drank two glasses of wine for writing purpose just now and then couldn't write anything legible but that's fine#I have NANO club tomorrow so maybe I can finish this scene?#it'd be nice I've been stuck editing and rewriting stuff for so long. like c'mon we only have a few chapters left#it's almost the finish line!!#(well no but. 80%? that's not too bad right)#oh more fancy words include: prestidigitation and technicolour#I'm that this sign can't stop me because I can't read arthur meme with these.#them not being used conversationally can't stop me because I wouldn't know what's being used conversationally#I learn a cool word and use it. nor regards for usability. l'art pour l'art.#miaing
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snippets from November: 4/30
The Silent Shore — Part II: Split - Ch14 "In Broad Daylight"
Solera’s shadow glided through the colorful gloom, drawing my thoughts back to the present. I sat up, propping my elbows up on one of the stairs below me, as she slouched onto the step by my knees, kicking her feet up against the wall, the skirt of her kapta pooling across my lap. She leaned her head back against the wall behind her, sighing heavily as her eyes slipped closed. The radiant yet hazy hues embraced her silhouette, shining in her curls, gleaming across her the slope of her nose, the curve of her cheek, the soft ridges of her lips. She really was quite pretty… She lifted her head and I looked quickly away. Down at my hands as I began to pick at one of my nails. “Do you want me to move?” she asked. I didn’t look up at her, lest she somehow became able to read my thoughts. “No, I don’t mind,” I said, clearing my throat.
#snippets from posts#wip: seafoam#book: tss#excerpt: seafoam#ship: thalera#mc: thala galanis#sc: solera aurado#bit of a precursor/foreshadowing to the scene where feelings are shared#but this is extremely early on in their friendship so there are no feelings yet#Thala is just a repressed lesbian in the presence of a girl she thinks is pretty lol#hence the shyness#for context: they're waiting for the Diamo to finish eating his lunch but they're waiting outside his room on the very narrow stairwell#leading up to it. and the light is coming from a stained glass mural that makes up the wall in the hallway just outside#it's like part of the bts for the 'cathedral' they're in#there's a lot of back rooms and hallways and it's kind of a maze#this particular stained glass mural is displayed behind where the Diamo will deliver his sermons in the auditorium#and the full thing takes up several stories#the part they're tucked behind atm is somewhere in the middle of the mural#also I swear I'll be moving on from this chapter soon#I've been stuck on it for so long I'm very ready to be done
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10 Lethal Injuries to Add Pain to Your Writing
Prev: Non-Lethal Injury Ideas
Need some creative ways to give your characters a real fight for survival? Here are 10 ideas:
1. Punctured Artery
A puncture to major arteries like the femoral artery (thigh), the carotid artery (neck), or radial artery (arm) can cause rapid blood loss. It starts off with a sharp pain, weakness, lightheadedness and eventually can lead to hypovolemic shock. Requires urgent medical attention.
2. Punctured Eye Socket
A punctured eye socket will cause blood vessel damage leading to internal bleeding. I would use this for non-combat characters trying to get away. The eyes are an easy weak spot + you don’t need much strength to cause a critical injury/puncture. Also good for a protag's tragic backstory.
3. Torn Achilles Tendon
A torn Achilles tendon can result in severe bleeding if nearby arteries or veins are damaged. Your character will be forced to hobble away as pain causes their foot to swell and bruise. Plus, you can easily adjust the pain levels per your scene, from swift cuts to explosive jumps.
4. Neck Hyperextension (Hangman’s Fracture)
This injury will fracture the C2 vertebra and can lead to spinal cord damage, paralysis or sudden death. This isn’t a light injury your character can come back from, so I would suggest using it only when you’re aiming for death.
5. Pierced Lung
A punctured lung will lead to a pneumothorax where air escapes into the chest cavity, collapsing the lung. Characters with this injury may have difficulty breathing, chest pain, and a cough that produces frothy blood (all the dramatics you need).
6. Severe Concussion
A severe concussion will lead to confusion, vomiting, immobility and memory loss. More dangerously, brain swelling, internal bleeding and damaged brain tissue. Plus, it has a long recovery period.
7. Shattered Pelvis
If you need something severe that restricts mobility but also causes severe pain then this is perfect! Involves signs of shock, internal bleeding, numbness, swelling—really a lot of things. Can occur if OC falls from a high place, hit repeatedly, car accident, etc.
8. Internal Bleeding from Blunt Force Trauma
I like using this when you need something subtle since it doesn't show immediate symptoms. Over time, they will feel weak, cold, nauseous, and intense pain. Perfect if you want that 'everyone made it out then suddenly someone collapses' moment.
9. Intestinal Perforation
A sharp blow or penetrating wound can cause a tear in the intestines, leaking bacteria into the body cavity, then peritonitis. It can go from small stomach pain to near death pretty quickly. Without prompt medical care, sepsis can set in, causing organ failure and death.
10. Cut to the Jugular
If you need something more visibly dramatic then go with the classic cut to the jugular. A warm rush of blood will pour out, and blood would spurt with every heartbeat. Causes panic, choking, and internal bleeding too. All the blood and gore you need.
This is a quick, brief list of ideas to provide writers inspiration. Since it is a shorter blog, I have not covered the injuries in detail. Remember the worse the injury the more likely your character is to die (so be realistic folks). Happy writing! :)
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