#the left will get really mad like they did 2016-2018

[jorgecrespo]

me (at the break of any type of sanity): you know maybe this is a good thing!!

[wei-ying-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those of you who don’t know, I decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus, which is comprised of 9 units. I have completed four of the units (here is my queer cinema syllabus round up post with all the films I’ve watched and written about so far). It is time for me to make my way through Unit 5- Lesbians, which includes the following films: The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995), Bound (1996), Water Lilies (2007)[finally got my hands on this one but I still need to watch it], Saving Face (2004), D.E.B.S. (2004), Set It Off (1996), The Handmaiden (2016), Carol (2015), Imagine Me and You (2005), Two of Us (2019), Rafiki (2018), and The Color Purple (1985). 

Today I will be watching

Carol (2015) dir. Todd Haynes

Summary: Aspiring photographer Therese spots the beautiful, elegant Carol perusing the doll displays in a 1950s Manhattan department store. The two women develop a fast bond that becomes a love with complicated consequences.

Cast -Cate Blanchett as Carol Aird -Rooney Mara as Therese Belivet

__

Dear readers, 

I cannot for the life of me tell you what it was about this movie that made it so difficult for me to start it but alas I have finally gotten here, finally watched it, and finally typed up my thoughts. Hilariously, this viewing was perfectly timed for the holidays because it is mainly set at Christmas and even if it wasn’t the extremely strong red/green color scheme of Carol and between Carol and Therese would have gotten me there anyway. 

Sorry to those of you who may have absolutely loved this movie, but I found it…okay? I definitely didn’t hate it or anything but it’s definitely not going on my list of favorites. I did enjoy how much of the film relied on stolen glances between Carol and Therese to be like “lesbian?” “lesbian?!” because that kind of subtle quiet signalling in the shoulder touches and the intense eye contact is what you are often forced to do for the sake of safety.

The other thing I did find to be really interesting and important to the narrative is the way in which Carol’s soon-to-be ex-husband is holding Rindy over Carol’s head to try to get what he wants. I think Carol is in a really precarious situation here because while Therese is lower class, and lacks a general amount of power, Carol has a chance of losing any and all access to her daughter because she refuses to be controlled by Harge’s desires. 

And I appreciate the representation of the mental and physical toll that trying to go back in the closet and some version of conversion therapy takes on a person who is trying to pretend to be something they are not for the sake of maintaining a relationship with the people in their life that they care about. Generally speaking, I do not think it is unfair of Carol to leave Therese in order to maintain a relationship with Rindy. 

What is not fair, is leaving Therese in the middle of the night and having Abby take care of Therese after that. Especially after Therese has been illegally recorded having sex with Carol. Like I can see trying to put space between yourself and the person who you have indirectly harmed. But while I do believe that Carol has every right to break it off with Therese in an effort to maintain her parental custody of Rindy, and that Therese can be allowed to forgive Carol for that and re-establish a relationship with her later. I was honestly kind of mad at Therese for agreeing to try again with Carol after the way Carol left her. Because to me, that wasn’t fair to Therese for what she has lost pursuing her own feelings. Carol left her in the middle of the night, she went no contact, she maintained that boundary when Therese tried to check in on her, but the second that she has figured out a way out of her situation. When he’s allowed Harge to take custody of Rindy but with visitation rights, she thinks she can just go running back to the person she left hanging with the knowledge that she is a part of a fucking illegally recorded porn video that is just fucking floating around somewhere probably. 

I was really excited when at first Therese rebuked Carol’s proposal to start back over, and was disappointed when she walked that back soon after. Though, was I surprised? No. Getting back to what I mentioned earlier about the color-coding. Carol’s whole life was green. When Therese first goes to her home, Carol is wearing green, she has a “green present” for Rindy (the Christmas tree), the phone she uses is green, if I remember correctly, even her car is green. So when Therese returns home and paints her entire fucking apartment green what else was going to happen? Therese made her choice. And we reaffirm the ending when the other lesbian woman tries to approach her at the house party to no avail. 

Favorite Moment

Honestly, I think my favorite moment was Carol still affirming to Therese that she is interested in her and wants to be physically intimate, share a bed, etc even after the illegal porn recording. And I think I feel the same about Therese, still choosing to be intimate with Carol after the video. In some ways it feels like they are liberating themselves, and I like that they don’t run scared from intimacy or their lust/desire because someone is trying to hold it over their head.

Favorite Quote

“I love her”  “I can’t help you with that.” 

GET FUCKED HARGE. 

I do truly appreciate that Abby does not give a single fuck for Harge’s feelings. Because he is being kind of a massive dick. 

Score 

8/10

There was a lot a liked about this film. It had a strong visual message and knew what it was trying to say. I liked that the lesbians were still pretty unapologetic and that it did feel real, and I like that Therese didn’t run from her feelings for Carol and that Carol stood up for herself and her sexuality in the hearing. I do not want people to think that I am docking the film for simply struggling to hit play. There is a lot to like about this film. Also, Cate Blanchett being a lesbian is always a plus.

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: WJSN

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

Here are my credentials: unusually, for a girl group, I have very few. I’ve listened to WJSN before, and I know a decent amount of title tracks and a couple b-sides. I would say I know them best from my half-watch of Queendom 2 (I’m a fan of Loona and Gfriend, so I was more focused on them), which WJSN did win. I was impressed with them there, and I decided that I wanted to learn more about them.

WJSN was formed in late 2015 as a Korean-Chinese collaborative between Starship Entertainment and Yuehua Entertainment. The members are divided into four units, one for each letter. First is Wonder, with Cheng Xiao, Bona, and Dayoung. Second is Joy, with Xuanyi, Eunseo, and Yeoreum. Third is Sweet, with Seola, Exy, and Soobin. And fourth is Natural, with Meiqi, Luda, and Dawon. After these units were formed, a 13th member, Yeonjung, was added as well. After being on hiatus since 2018, the three Chinese members, Xuanyi, Cheng Xiao, and Meiqi officially left the group in early 2023. Sorry, that was a lot of names, so deep breaths and let’s do this.

They officially debuted in 2016 with MoMoMo, which is one of the most bubblegum-y bubblegum songs I’ve seen in a while. It’s basically a k-pop stereotype at this point: lots of aegyo, completely coordinated school girl clothes, short skirts, childish love, and very poppy beats. I associate WJSN with more ethereal pop, so this was a (somewhat unwelcome) surprise for me. As often happens to me in k-pop, while I did appreciate its comic book style animation and humor, the excessive aegyo made me uncomfortable (see my review of TXT’s Cat and Dog or LOONA’s Hi High). This isn’t the song’s fault; it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be, but it does mean I won’t be listening to it again.

I’m unsure if Catch Me is also a single or just an opportunity for a dance practice, but it embraces the other side of k-pop stereotypes: a sort-of anti-drop, girl-crush, uncomfortably-sexualized…thing? that tries a bit too hard to be cool. WJSN’s talent elevates it, but even they can only do so much with a song that doesn’t have any character.

The 1st EP, Would You Like?, starts with an intro, Space Cowgirl, that I actually liked more than MoMoMo, and I wish more of its self-assured, smooth synths carried into the song. I liked parts of some of the songs, like the twinkling piano and extended bridge in Tick Tock, but most of them sounded very similar to other songs I’ve heard, and so didn’t stick out to me all that much. I could name at least five exactly like Take My Breath.

Secret begins the sound that I know from WJSN, still drawing on the poppiness, cutesiness, and high vocals of MoMoMo, but pairing it with more toned-on synths, more pointed voices, and more poised dancing, a combination that would become their staple in the next few years. It’s quite interesting to see it here feeling a little less polished. I totally get why they gained the nickname “Cosmic Girls” now, with all the space inspiration here, and while the song itself is nothing groundbreaking, I really liked that lead-in to the last chorus.

The Secret, the EP, has a couple songs I liked. BeBe leans a bit too far into aegyo for me personally, but I enjoy its boundless energy and catchiness. Also, that harmonizing in the last chorus? Sign me up. I also enjoyed the frizzy electronic background of Robot, which reminded me a bit of an f(x) song, although it felt more restrained than one of theirs.

I Wish has a slightly more funk-inspired opening than Secret, and while it still has the roots of aegyo, I’d say it follows the pattern of their songs slowly getting more mature. Still got the schoolgirl outfits, though. The chorus and its “tell me why” is pretty catchy, I will say, and I appreciated a lot of the MV’s visuals in the social media posts, floating lanterns, and emojis.

From. WJSN’s Say Yes caught my attention with its finger-snapping background and slightly Latin-pop-esque warm acoustic guitar. I thought it provided a good contrast to their very electronic synth-heavy music, and made me appreciate their vocals a lot more, especially Yeonjung and Dayoung. The “juseyo, juseyo” is stuck in my head now, and I’m not mad about it. It makes a great addition to my sleep playlist.

Kiss Me’s intro had me intrigued right off the bat, with its fun surf guitar background, and its continuing through the song made this one stand out. I also liked the harsher hand-clapping percussion mixed with the pop, and that the chorus felt like a much more natural progression of the verses and pre-chorus. Still not a fan of the rapping, which comes out of nowhere, but overall this was a great summer track and it got stuck in my head.

Happy is a return to the bubbly, kind-of sporty concept of MoMoMo that was so popular in mid-3rd gen (Red Velvet’s Happiness, TWICE’s Cheer Up, or Fromis_9’s FUN, for example), and I’d be lying if I said I was as happy to see it as the song wants me to be. I definitely liked the humor and the ultra-saturation of the music video, and ended up laughing a good few times. But overall, I’m not a fan of this concept or this type of song, and this song does nothing to change my mind. Also, I feel like the chorus, though it’s pretty good, doesn’t fit in with the rest of the song. I think it’s the sudden tempo change.

Happy Moment is a full album, so there’s a lot to talk about. I liked the bubbly distortion in Miracle, (honestly I wonder why it wasn’t a single, because it really feels like one), the vocalizing in Mr. BadBoy’s choruses, the minimalistic background of Babyface’s verses, the roller skating rush of Geeminy, and especially the lovely musical catharsis of Closer To You (damn, Yeonjung, what a note to end on!). Again, though, what I really liked were parts and besides Closer To You, I didn’t like any song enough to consider it a hidden gem. I know that Happy leans very much into aegyo, but the names of a lot of these songs felt a bit too babyish even for that, and I don’t think that the album needed to be so long, because so many of its tracks felt like filler. I would rather have a five or six track, great-all-the-way-through EP like, say Sunmi’s Warning or SEVENTEEN’s Haeng-Geurae, than a half-as-good album twice that long.

Dreams Come True, I’m happy to say, builds on the good that both Kiss Me and I Wish started, working in more interesting percussion and more ethereal synths. Funnily enough, it goes so far into understated that I didn’t realize the chorus had started until it was almost over, and while it’s got a good base, I think that it needs a stronger, more obvious hook to turn into a classic. I did really like that delicate bridge, though.

Dream Your Dream, the EP, starts strong with Love O’Clock, which doesn’t bother with a drawn out build-up, instead rushing forward right from the first moment. I liked the harmonizing, the strong drumbeat, and the catchiness. I also enjoyed Renaissance’s swirling and soaring vocals (another b-side that could’ve been a single) and Thawing, despite its odder sound effects, charmed me with its earnestness.

Save Me, Save You was the first WJSN song I heard, and is probably the one that best sums up their style. It starts soft, almost not there in the first verse, then tiptoes its way through the pre-chorus, and with a couple drum beats, that magical chorus takes over and suddenly you’re floating. As mentioned, their songs are often a bit too bubbly or understated for me, but I can acknowledge when a song does its style well, and this one absolutely does. I didn’t even mind the rap! I like the setting of the magic school and the incredibly fast shifting in the eyes between the bridge and the last chorus, but I wish it drew itself out more, to make the best use of that excellent vocalizing.

From WJ Please?, the EP, I really had a good time nodding my head to You, You, You, especially during its bridge and last chorus and I added it to my roller skating playlist. I also enjoyed the hints of flamenco and layered strings in the background of I-Yah, a surprisingly lovely sound for the title. It really reminded me of I Knew It by Sonamoo, one of my favorite Latin-pop inspired K-pop tracks. Masquerade also has a great use of strings, this time combined with a gentle piano, and Hurry Up uses a brightly jazzy beat to add some contrast. These four together absolutely make this my favorite EP so far, which is pretty funny, as all these songs are better than the title.

La La Love’s Carnival setting is interesting, and is the decision to have a pre-chorus that leans into sing-talk. The choice mostly works and doesn’t interrupt the good flow that the song has, and I like the high vocalizing that twinkles around the chorus. On the whole, the song is pretty enjoyable and gentle, but, like I usually do, I wish it had more of a hook that would make it stick in my head. Completely different from the last EP, I didn’t have a hidden gem for this one, though I thought 12 O’Clock was nice.

With how much I liked their last summer comeback, I was excited for Boogie Up. The song is pretty upbeat and on the whole, reminds me of a much more bubbly version of Red Flavor by Red Velvet. It’s catchy, but it has a bit too empty of a chorus for me, and doesn’t innovate on a pretty tried-and-true pop formula enough to stand out. I do like the fun instrumental and the bridge, though. Their bridges are almost always pretty great.

From the EP For The Summer, I honestly really liked the song For The Summer with its bright and flouncy energy (though as I often do, I thought the rap was unnecessary), and the horns were a nice touch. Let’s Dance follows in the stead of WJ Please’s great, Latin-pop inspired b-sides, though I don’t think it’s quite as unique as those.

As You Wish has a very bouncy beat from the beginning, and its excellent electronic sound draws from disco. Its pre-chorus build is great as well, and the chorus delivers, making it both one of my favorite titles so far and what I’m sure will become a fixture on my roller-skating playlists. Its last chorus is delightfully bright, but my favorite part is absolutely that outro, which brings together the vocals and the instrumentals perfectly and should’ve been so much longer. From the EP, also titled As You Wish, I liked the vocal showcase and twinkling piano in Lights Up, and the drumline beat of Don’t Touch.

Butterfly is another song I already knew by WJSN, and its bubbly energy works surprisingly well for me. I think this is the first of their title tracks that has a deeper meaning than an average love song, and I’m very happy to see it. There’s never enough songs about freedom and being yourself, in my opinion. The last chorus’ vocalizations, as often in WJSN’s singles, elevates the song greatly, and its fizzy instrumental brings everything together. The visuals of flowing white dresses and puffy clouds are a great addition too.

From Neverland, while I enjoyed the back and forth, rushing energy of Hola and the string-led instrumentation of Where You Are, my hidden gem was absolutely Pantomime. I first heard it while watching Queendom, and though I do definitely prefer the more 20’s jazz-inspired, more theatrical version from their stage there, there’s still a lot to love here. I especially enjoy how clipped and off-beat it is, setting it apart from WJSN other’s b-sides.

Unnatural is a bit of a darker counterpart to Butterfly, also about not quite fitting into normalcy (hence the title). I really liked the rap in this one, and how well it fit into the tempo. Also, the way the pre-chorus pulls back and then rushes forward is great. I like the more minimalistic instrumentals and how they let the vocals flow and speak for themselves. Overall, I think it’s one of their strongest outings. From Unnatural, the EP, I really liked the mix between WJSN’s high voices and the self-assured tone and beat in Last Dance, though I wish the instrumental was more distinctive.

Last Sequence is, at time of writing, WJSN’s most recent comeback, from a year ago. It also falls into the more minimalistic electro-pop synth style of their last few singles, which of course I’m in favor of. I do feel like the chorus needed more of a lead-in than it has, but besides that, I do really like this one. As always, its bridge is great and so is the lead-in to the last chorus (the yeongwohni, yeongwohni, yeongwohni is stuck in my head now). I didn’t have a hidden gem for this comeback, as it’s only a 3-song single.

I’m glad I did this! Like I said, I didn’t know much about WJSN before this review. But, I’ve learned that they were an important part in making what I now consider a very classic 3rd generation K-pop sound, and their music became the blueprint for many groups afterward. I’ve watched some interviews and had some good laughs, and even seen a couple compilations of their best performances on Queendom. I definitely liked their later music more than their earlier, though, and after hearing their work, I’m sad that they don’t come back nearly as often as they used to.

My Top 5 songs are Butterfly, Last Sequence, Kiss Me, I-Yah, and Hurry Up, with Pantomime as an honorable mention . WJSN gets an 8.25 out of 10 from me. I think that on the whole, their songs are pretty good and there were very few I actively disliked. The biggest issue I face is that I listen to and analyze So. Much. K-pop. (probably thousands of songs by now) and because of that, only the groups that do something unique or innovative, have incredible voices, self-produce, or consistently discuss important subjects in their work really stick with me. WJSN is very talented, but while they have a niche, they don’t really add anything new to what’s been done time and time again.

Next time, I have a very special soloist review coming up, that’s going to come out on December 18th (a day late). If you know your k-pop and my blog, you can probably guess what it is. It’ll be a bit different from a usual review, but I felt like it was time. Tschüss!

[vampire7595]

Saw a post on Reddit asking how long love lasts. It won't let me comment but I want to share my thoughts...

How long does love last?

For me it lasted 6 years. It was a whirlwind from the start. I will finally be divorced at the end of the year and it's both happy and sad. We got together in the spring of 2015; my mental health was horrible, I was living under the control of my toxic family and I hated my life. We were long distance at first living hundreds of miles apart in different states. I was 19. We talked every day and we're best friends before he asked me to be his girlfriend. To me he was everything, my first real relationship, my first love, first kiss, the person who took my virginity. We got engaged after a month together and I moved in with him and his family around Christmas that year. Left the only state I ever lived in and where almost all of my family was. My mom passed away shortly after I moved. I was destroyed. He helped me get through it and we got married in fall of 2016, I was 21 years old. In 2018 I got pregnant, we were over the moon and that following year we had a baby girl. My pregnancy was hard. My depression got really bad while pregnant and I started to have anxiety. We argued more and more. 2020 my dad died, and about a month later the word divorce was said for the first time. We recovered and later in 2020 I was pregnant again.

At this point we were always fighting. About parenting, money, things we buy, just anything. I was angry because of my depression and so irritable. We would have full on screaming matches. He didn't seem as excited when I told him I was pregnant with our 2nd child. I had found some things on his computer that were odd to me and he would take my phone while I was sleeping and check my messages. He flirted with other people, and I complained about him to one of my female friends. Still it caught me off guard when he asked for a divorce when I was not even halfway through the pregnancy. A few weeks later he moved out while our daughter and I stayed with his family. I was destroyed emotionally. I was barely holding it together for my daughter and would get so stressed and sad that I spent weeks expecting to have a miscarriage. I cried myself to sleep every single night for over a month straight, I was a shell of my former self.

About a month later he reached out claiming to want to fix things and come home. He did. We were intimate again multiple times and I felt like my life was getting back on track... it lasted about 5 days. He said he couldn't do it. I was devastated, felt betrayed and was mad at myself for being so weak to just fall back into his arms so easily. We slept in separate rooms and barely spoke. When our son was born I thought the love would surge back, it didn't.

Thinking about dating made me feel sick. My sense of who I am and my little self confidence was shattered, "Maybe if I was thinner he would've stayed", "I lost my one chance to have someone love me" and "I wish I could disappear" were thoughts in my head daily. He got a girlfriend that Christmas, I put up a front of being ok but still cried myself to sleep when I would sit and think about my life. 2022 he moved out early in the year, I got a cat to try and heal and I was on all the dating apps. In the fall my ex and I moved into a house together with his girlfriend and our kids.

This whole thing turned me from a hopeless romantic to a cynical person. I hate the idea of love, I will never be married again and any time I try to date I lose interest. Yet, I cry at the idea of dying alone, being lonely, I miss feeling loved. I am in this weird limbo. I feel stuck, I am a completely changed person now. I am a pessimist, I lost most of my sex drive, and I am still a little depressed with bad anxiety. No one will want to date me so there's no sense in even trying.

Love destroyed me as a person and I can't get that deep into depression again, it scared me. In 10 years I went from someone who loved the idea of love, had a strong bond with my mom and had hope for the future; to a single mom of 2, with no living parents, no dating life and barely any friends that I still talk to regularly.

[thesingingrevolution]

your uh post about the debuts being celebrated, who was that about? if you don't mind me asking, who's uh debut wasn't/isn't being celebrated?

no it’s okay you can ask ! i usually leave it vague when i’m kinda mad i feel like it’s become a habit 😭

also im sorry it took forever for me to get back to you but i wanted to answer you properly and also my phone decided it wanted to die so i wasn’t able to answer earlier :(((

my post is about winwin from nct! (he’s my fav i’m so protective over him hhhhhhhhh)

idk how familiar you are with nct or the mess that it is lol but basically one of its subunits debuted on july 7th, 2016 (7 years ago today) and winwin was one of the original 7 members. his first group is called nct 127 and the 127 represents the longitude of seoul, but there’s also a theory/cute little thing saying that it also represents the number of members and how they were added:

7 + 2 + 1 = 10.

he was kind of phased out/removed from the group at the end of 2018, and there was never any announcement saying he left officially so the group has 10 members on paper but only 9 active members

a lot of fans have accepted he probably isn't coming back :( but the issue is the group got more popular after he left so to a lot of people he isn't super important especially cause solo/single unit stanning is really common in this fandom. also because he was neglected by the company he never really had a lot of lines/center parts/screen time so it's easier to "forget/ignore" him as horrible as it sounds :(

and it's unfortunate but a lot of people don't treat him well, and what baffles me is that he wasn't removed cause he did something wrong ;-; most of the time people dont like past members cause they were removed for problematic/illegal behavior but that's not the reason why (the reason is mostly political, since he is chinese and went to promote in the chinese unit wayv starting in jan. 2019, and to my understanding china occasionally has kpop bans it's easier to get around them if none of the members are in an explicitly kpop group such as nct 127. this is a whole complicated issue in itself and there's some discourse on twt rn about it (read the qrts if you want but be ready for drama lol))

a lot of his fans and wayv stans are much happier with how he is now, because he really opened up as a person and grew as an artist following his departure from the group. he was definitely limited before due to the neglect and also cause he occasionally got boxed in as being the cute guy everyone likes and dotes on but never really an artist or even person in his own right. also he struggled with korean sometimes so he got to express himself much better when surrounded by his chinese bandmates

(though it is really important to note that people push a narrative that he hated being in nct 127 and didn't really love the members which i think is very untrue, you can tell he really worked hard and enjoyed their music, he notably has a strong bond with many people in the group)

i love him in nct 127 and i think he was a very special addition to the group, i would welcome him back anytime <3 but i am happy to see him where he is now, more successful than ever before.

but here is the issue:

since most 127 stans see the group as 9, they celebrate the debut of nct 127 and its 9 active members (which is kinda ironic cause winwin debuted on 160707 but most of the active lineup (literally everyone except yuta and haechan) did not but i digress). due to the nature of nct, he debuted again in 2018 (nct u) and in 2019 (wayv). but his first debut, the day he became an idol, is july 7th, 2016. and what hurts is because when people celebrate the debut of the current 9 member group, they overlook the debut of an original member of the group. which is why later yesterday night i also praised a big fanacc for posting ot10 pics and videos. i dont mind people wanting the focus on the 9 active members more, but i think its weird to call youself a fan of the group or an nctzen and ignore the debut of a member so blatantly :( there are random journalists who were posting articles but someone who claims to be ot20 or ot22 or ot23 or ot25 ot ot26 or whatever u people are this week to not say anything is kind of weird. and it's also why i dont like this other big fanacc because they post throwbacks but always ignore him, how can you be a throwback acc and not post a PAST member ;-; like i said if he was horrible and dishonorably discharged (lol) from the group its a dif story but this is just ridiculous.

anyway i hope that going forward we can love all members of nct and celebrate all of them <3

[aunnokokyuu]

As the one time every four years that everyone watches figure skating is finally here, I’ve taken it as my God-given duty to educate you guys about the complete and utter CLOWNERY and the corruption that goes on daily in the Russian figure skating scene. I’m not joking when I say this shit is like bad reality TV. A famous coach has a cult following. Politicians get asked about coaches feuding. Putin, the president of Russia, got mad over unfair scoring and dissed a Canadian skater on live TV. It’s insane.

And there is a LOT of drama going on here, so I’ll try to explain it just in time for Olympics so you guys can understand why you are almost definitely not going to see a single ladies’ medallist over the age of 17 years old this Olympics (or possibly ever again).

If the only time that you tune in to figure skating is once every four years, here’s how things are going to go. You’re going to watch the 2022 Olympics. You’re going to casually watch the ladies’ figure skating segments. And if you’re a little bit observant, you’re going to think: ‘Why is every single medallist under the age of 18 years old? And why are they all Russian?’ And if you do your research, you’ll see that not a single girl over the age of 18 years old who is non-Russian has won gold in ladies’ figure skating for the past two winter Olympics. Why is this?

Well, it all started with Evgenia Medvedeva, one of the most famous figure skaters in the world. (If your last interaction with figure skating was with Yuri!!! On Ice in 2016, she’s that girl who wore a Victuuri shirt on the famously homophobic Russian national television, got illustrated into YOI official art, and did a routine to Sailor Moon. So. She’s really awesome and my favourite.)

Anyway, Evgenia won everything in the 2016 and 2017 seasons. She completed a Grand Slam twice, which is when a skater wins literally every major competition, at the ages of 16 and 17. Those two years were called the Evgenia dominance era, because she just kept winning. It was insane. She was Miss Stability because she literally never fell, she was reliable, she was unbeatable, she was the favourite to win the 2018 Olympics.

And then, just in time for the Olympics, at the old age of 18 years old, she started to fail.

The first time she fell in competition after two long years of straight clean programs, people thought it was a fluke. But then she fell again, and again, and again. And her younger, less injured teammate, 15yo Alina Zagitova, started to take the spotlight. Alina wasn’t struggling with back problems or a broken foot like Evgenia. Alina was born in the right year, at the right time, which made her 15 years old just in time to qualify for the Olympics, and she won the gold medal for ladies’ figure skating. Meanwhile, the favourite to win the Olympics won silver, being pushed aside for her younger and healthier teammate.

Now you might think, wow, that’s really sad. But it was just a one-time thing, right? Alina will surely go on to have the long and fruitful career that Evgenia, by some fluke of the universe, didn’t get to have. Right?

Wrong. Alina retires at the ripe age of 17 years old after peaking at 15 and the figure skating world. Goes. Crazy, because now people are beginning to notice a pattern. It started with Yulia Lipnitskaya, 15 years old at the Sochi Olympics, who skated the best programs of her entire life and retired soon after. It continued with Evgenia, who peaked at 16 and 17 and then developed chronic injuries that make her unable to turn her back to the left (a horrifying statement she revealed in a recent interview), and then with Alina, who skated her best at 15 and ‘took a break’ at 17, which fans have dubbed the ‘expiration date’.

Now, you might be remembering the figure skating greats like Yuna Kim, Michelle Kwan, Mao Asada. They didn’t retire at 17. This is not normal. This was not even close to the norm ten years ago, but now we’re heading into Beijing 2022 and a 15 year old is the favourite to win gold. So what is the the common factor that caused all these skaters to retire at 17, 18, 19?

The answer? Eteri Tutberidze, a famous Russian coach with a monopoly on ladies’ figure skating. Her students, which include Yulia, Evgenia, and Alina, have won literally every single competition under the sun for the past few years. And one by one, without fail, all her students have broken their bodies by the time they reach 17-18. She has never been able to successfully coach a student over 18 years old, but she doesn’t need to, because when one girl gets too old, three will come to replace her. If you’re talking solely about results, then sure, Eteri is a great coach. When her students shine, they shine bright. They’re one-season wonders, winning everything. But they’re one-season wonders, so after a few seasons, they’re replaced by the newest girl, the girl who’s 15 at the right time, younger and less injured. Why is this? Why don’t these skaters have longevity?

Well, it’s because of the body type you need to have to land jumps in figure skating. In skating, there are jumps called triples (where you rotate three times in the air) and quads (where you rotate four times). Quads were practically unheard of in ladies’ figure skating until 2018. That’s how recent they are. A quad in ladies’ fs has never even been landed at the Olympics before. This is because quads are insanely hard to do, and normally they require a lot of muscle, strength and grit to power through the four rotations in the air. Before 2018, the last quad jump had been landed by Miki Ando in 2002. 16 years before the next quad.

Before 2018, the highest technical jumps women did were the triples. Then Alexandra Trusova (aka Quad Queen Sasha Trusova aka the one to root for in the 2022 Olympics) came along and fucked shit up landed a quad toe loop at the age of 13. Sasha is the first female skater to land the quad Lutz, quad flip, and quad toe loop jumps, the second to land the quad Salchow (after Miki Ando), and the first to land two and three ratified quads in a free skate. She started the Quad Revolution and basically ensured that all the girls competing with her had to have quad jumps or a triple axel in order to win over her. And they did. Anna Shcherbakova, Kamila Valieva, Sofia Akatyeva, Adeliia Petrosian, all started landing quads too.

And that’s all well and good and all, yay for technical advancements or whatever, except that the reason quads started booming in the ladies’ was because a certain coach had figured out that you don’t need to be made of muscle, or have years of training, or experience to land a quad.

No. You just need very, very low body weight.

Yeah. Now you see where I’m going.

Girls have started landing quads like never before. At the junior levels (>15yos), it’s become commonplace to see Russian preteen girls train quads as if they’re jumping machines. Teenage girls have the perfect body type to quickly rotate four times in the air- a slender frame, narrow hips and short height. And once they hit puberty, it’s over. Quads rely in pulling in all your body weight as closely as possible to your centre, allowing you to maximise your speed of rotation- but you can’t pull in hips or a chest. That’s why most female figure skaters lose their jumps after puberty, and why so far only teenage girls have managed to land quads. And how do you delay puberty as long as possible so you can keep winning for as long as you possibly can? Well, it’s simple. You just don’t eat.

Even before the Quad Revolution, Tutberidze’s skaters relied on their low body weight to do triple jumps so much that during the 2014 Olympics, 15yo Yulia Lipnitskaya had to subsist on a diet of entirely powdered substances. The girl did not eat a single tangible meal the entire time. And by the time the 2018 Olympics rolled around, Tutberidze had forbidden 18yo Evgenia and 15yo Alina from drinking water for fear that a few grams of water weight might affect their aerodynamics. Alina mentioned in an interview that they could only rinse their mouths out with water and spit it back out.

The thing about quads is that no one really knows the long-term effects they can have on these teenage girls’ health, as the oldest girl to land regular quads turns 18 this year in 2022. However, Evgenia Medvedeva only did triple-triple jumps her entire career, and she ended up with a broken foot and can’t even turn her back to the left. So. Whatever the long-term effects are, they’re going to be bad. 15yo Daria Usacheva was supposed to be a strong contender this year, but a hip fracture during practice at the NHK Trophy made her unexpectedly withdraw. Alena Kanysheva lands a quad at 14 and retires at 16. And still, still even younger girls will come to replace them and drive older skaters who can’t land quads anymore out of the sport. Ladies’ figure skating has turned into a sport where 15 year olds dominate for one or two seasons, and get traded in for newer and less injured skaters.

And it’s not like the girls themselves aren’t painfully aware of this- Sofia Samodelkina barely missed the cutoff age for the Beijing 2022 Olympics at 14 years old, and she revealed in an interview that she prays every night for them to be postponed to 2023 because she knows that when she turns 18yos in 2026, she won’t be able to compete with the younger and stronger 15yos. Evgenia knew that she couldn’t stay with Eteri once she turned 18, because the technique no longer worked, so she left Eteri to be coached by Brian Orser (but forgot to send Eteri flowers for thanking her for being such a great coach so Eteri went on a smear campaign against her and showed Evgenia ghosting her texts on Russian national television). Then judges started underscoring Evgenia just for the crime of training under the ‘wrong’ coach, so she had to return to Eteri.

So if everyone knows that this is going on- if everyone is aware that figure skating is built on the broken bodies of young girls who sacrifice their long-term health for the sport only to be cast aside at 17 years old- is anyone doing anything about Tutberidze’s borderline abusive training methods?

Well. The ISU (international skating union) gave Eteri an award for Best Coach, if that’s what you mean by ‘doing something about it’. Because apparently they don’t give a fuck that these girls are being used like products and discarded just as quickly as they come. They just care that her girls win.

And win they do. Enter: the 3A, the trio of elite Russian figure skaters Anna Shcherbakova, Aliona Kostornaia and Alexandra Trusova (nicknamed the 3A because all their names start with an a but everyone calls Alexandra as Sasha).

The 3A won every. Major. Competition. During the 2020 season. They didn’t let anyone else on that damn podium. They were playing musical chairs with those three podium spots. The main surprise when you watched fs wasn’t ‘omg who will podium’ but ‘omg in which order will 3A podium’. And if you recall, 2020 is the year our reigning Olympic champion Alina Zagitova turned 17, so she was already on her way out. Anna was 15, Sasha was 15 and Aliona was 16- optimal ages in figure skating. Aliona didn’t have quads, but she had a beautiful triple axel and artistry, while Sasha had pure raw athleticism and Anna fell somewhere in the middle. But unfortunately, they weren’t born in the right year. By the time the qualifiers for the Beijing Olympics rolled around, Anna and Sasha were 17 and Aliona was 18, and a new face entered and broke nine world records in her debut season alone- Kamila Valieva.

Kamila is, supposedly, better than all the girls who came before her. (Even though I still like Aliona better.) She has the artistry and consistency that Sasha lacked and the quads that Aliona lacked. She’s the full package of everything a skater should be, and she’s 15 years old in an Olympic year. She has it all, and tbh doesn’t really have any other competition. Anna and Sasha are still leagues ahead of everyone else but if they’re as unreachable as kings, Kamila is as unbeatable as a god. Kamila, Sasha and Anna are the three skaters representing Russia at Beijing (Aliona withdrew from this season due to a hand fracture she’s ‘not allowed to talk about’.). Anna is almost definitely injured nine ways to hell, Sasha is probably injured too, so Kamila is probably the only one who’s like. Even moderately healthy out of the Russian girls, if you discount the fact that she’s like severely underweight. Idk if she’ll be the one to break the cycle, but hopefully this monopoly on ladies’ fs ends soon and new rules are put in place to stop girls giving themselves chronic injuries by the time they turn 16.

Anyway, that’s the summary on the figure skating drama. Please cheer for Sasha and Anna! I want Sasha to be the first person to land a quad at Olys because she was the one who started this whole quad revolution so it’s only right that she should finish it. Wow this took me a long time to write and we only covered the tip of the iceberg. Hope you guys enjoy the Beijing Olympics btw happy cny 祝大家新年快樂, 身體健康 (god knows they need it) 心想事成 etc etc

Edit: Hi, it’s op here! I regret my poor choice of words in calling this as ‘drama’, I meant to refer to the ‘drama’ as all the issues I mentioned in the first paragraph like Putin dissing a Canadian skater unfair judging scores home bias etc etc, but I guess it was misread as the fact that I was calling this institutionalised child abuse ‘drama’. I wrote this post to bring attention to the child abuse happening because I think it’s wrong and unfair that no one is doing anything about it and I do NOT mean to trivialise it as drama. Sorry this was such a poor choice of words cuz I was fr gonna talk about those whole other stories but then I got sidetracked with this whole thing and I forgot to change the words ‘drama’ 😭😭😭 Thank you so much for understanding 😭😭😭

[sanriodanshigoods]

hello ^_^

may i ask you about sanrio danshi's twitter account? why do it says "see you later" on their header? will they comeback again? ;-;

thank you so much if you read this, have a nice day! ^_^

hey!! how are you 🌸

Well.... now that you mention it....I think is time for me to talk about it.... 😅 (lol it's sad so, I'm in total denial)

I do recognize this is my bad for not posting anything about this before, but this past few months were madness, so I'm sorry people!! 😭

What happen to the account?

The truth is that, around August last year, The @Sdan_sanrio account announced that, from November 21st 2021 that particular account was going to become a "locked" account, they even made a countdown with all the boys Counting backwards, from 5 to 1. until the very last day. They do say "see you later" and not "good bye" which might mean that, maybe, the account will be available again sometime in the future.

I was waiting to see if that account was going to be deleted, because I translated as both "locked" and "closed", my Japanese is not that good, so I'm not sure what's going to happen, but the truth is, at least I can still see it, and go thought all the past content, but I asked a friend if he can see it, but he sees it as "not available/private" account. What I guess is that .....just for a while.... they won't be neither accepting new followers or posting new content.

What about the other accounts?

As you might now, Sanrio has like....9308249832489472304 accounts per character or... sort of. With the danshi is no different, you have the game account, that has stop posting content back in 2019, the SDanshi Anime account that mostly retwits content and from time to time post news about Sdanshi Merchandizing, sadly the official Sdanshi web site hasn't been updated since 2018.

The Sanrio Danshi account that's left still available for people to follow is this one, an account that on it's description says is to promote the Sanrio Danshi products, and only a few days ago they were celebrating Shinya's birthday, (This is an official Sanrio Account because it is also promoted at the Sanrio Japan wesite):

Then you have the Sdanshi Stage Account. I don0t really post things about their live stage activities but, if you follow it, you know that they are posting the human version of the boys and did promote a lot the Kawaii Evolution Stage, besides of all the real life danshi goods to buy.

Vtubers & "real life" Idols:

The Danshi as real boys, for what I know were quite popular, now they are promoting the released of the kawaii evolution Dvd as I said before. But, I don't know if you follow..... This guy? ...well... Vtubers and Vidols are becoming even more popular, up to the point that Sanrio Puro land Hold a Virtual Festival , so my guess is that they will turn their attention to this kind of "products" and maybe leave on hold the Sanrio Danshi as we know them, for now. Sanrio did have a really busy year, this last one, if you think about it, Sanrio Puropuro Land was in quest for Puro boys n Puro girls to work there, they made an open audition for boys n girls from 12 up to 30 could apply and work as an idol at the Puro puro Land, that plus the Live stage, plus the Vtubers, etc etc... and...... I guess you might notice the character design of the Sdanshi Drawings differs from post to post, you could tell they were made by either all by different people, or quite in a rush... (Don't get me wrong please, I'm not criticising the way they were draw, cause If I'm ever ask to draw them I would end up drawing a strange looking chicken instead of Yu or something but...)...... let's be honest... they do sometimes look a bit different.

2015 & 2016

2020

2021

So well... this is as much as I can say to you, to be honest, I still don't know the real reason why that danshi account has been locked, but, I have that theory about turning their attention into developing other products. I hope the info I post here helps you a bit at least, and sorry for writing so much!!! lol...

Let's all hope they keep on posting at the other account danshi drawings, cause they are really good for promoting stuff, I still have a LOT of danshi pictures to post, the problems is that there are items that were really hard for me to find at that time, and still is now.

I was going to ask you all if you want me to keep on posting at least "similar" stuff that I find or... random news and else...

and... here is a little Yuu picture to say

bye bye and take care :D!!!!

[rontra]

Oop I recently went through your whole art tag and queued a bunch of art reblogs (both new and old) so that may be my fault at least in part, if you genuinely want me to I can go through and delete them? /gen

Oh! I would appreciate it, yes.

I decided to try and explain my feelings a little more concretely, but I'll put in a readmore because <-wordy

I can't say for certain that it's yours specifically, but it does feel as though there's one or two blogs queue-posting in rough order my entire 2016 library--and then followers of theirs reblog them again and now my entire notes panel is full of 5+ year old art...

I know you (and everyone else who's reblogging them) don't have bad intentions. The function of reblogging art is overall a pretty positive interaction. I am grateful that you like my art and want to show it to your followers, and I don't mean to sound like I'm not... It just gets difficult for me to deal with when it continues deep into super old stuff. It's stressful in a way that's a little hard to verbalize so I usually don't really try aside from going "hey please don't" when there's a noticeable surge

I can't exactly gamble on everyone paying attention to my newest "hey please don't" posts when they're back in the archives reblogging 2016 posts though, so it's hard to do anything besides like, idk, blocking the core blogs involved and hoping for the best??? (lol)

idk, it feels unnecessary to me, and they're not all posts I like to see activity on because they're so old. As an artist, they don't really reflect my skill, style, or "brand" anymore...? And they haven't for a Long Time. On top of that, a lot of them are inside jokes from people and groups I knew 5 years ago and they have very little "mass appeal" (for lack of a better term), so I don't really understand it when those get notes. All in all it's a little bit...weird and disheartening to have a big surge like this lasting for days and weeks, where half-a-decade-old posts consistently fill my entire notes panel, when I'm still here posting new stuff...

I don't want to delete the original posts because of sentimental reasons (my blog is a very lengthy archive of personal art development that I like to look at myself!), and I think it's nice if people remember and think fondly about the posts--or even dig them up to look at them--but I do habitually un-tag and bury them to make them harder for other (new) people to find and reblog. It's clear now that I did not do a good enough job of that, and I've done another wide sweep to remove franchise and character tags from a large amount of posts.

I would be very relieved if you took old (say roughly pre-2018) stuff out of your queue. I have plenty of more recent art to look at and reblog ;_;

Thanks for the message. Sorry this reply is pretty wordy, I just wanted to try and explain my feelings a bit (and I'm bad at being concise UHDSFDKJG)

I'm not mad or anything, it's just a bit...mm.

As I said, I know there's no ill intent, and I am glad you enjoy my work...but I would prefer that the rickety old posts be left to sleep where they lay u_u

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Late Stage Swiftgron Part 1

Update from November 2021 - I really don’t believe much of this is meaningful at all.  I don’t think they’re sitting around referencing one another on social media or anything but some of Dianna’s interactions with Karlie are interesting Dianna shows up explicitly in Taylor’s life a couple more times so I’m leaving these sections here.;

From here on out everything but the 2014 AMAs and Dianna’s somewhat shocking appearance at Taylor’s 2019 SNL performance are just odd social media shenanigans (or subtweets) between the two, and Taylor appearing to release at least one more song about Dianna (Babe in 2018) (and let’s be honest you can make a strong argument for The 1 being about Dianna as well other post 1989 songs.)

Some of this might be complete crack or coincidence but as you all know I want this to be the most thorough Swiftgron document possible.  

If anything it proves they both certainly still have similar interests and they really do seem to be in touch.

There are some interactions claimed by others to be Swiftgron related that I’m not going to include because they’re just a bit too reachy for me (though I completely support the theorizing!) but in general, if I personally can see the hint of a Swiftgron connection, I’m going to include it here. Draw your own conclusions and take everything, particularly the alleged subtweets/social media shenanigans, with a grain of salt.

And yes there’s tons of Kaylor and other Gaylor/Gaygron content that will be left out of this segment because this masterpost is focused on Swiftgron.  Someday it would be cool to make a giant masterpost/timeline that documents all of it, but for now it’s just going to be Swiftgron stuff. August 26, 2014 - Dianna tweets, and then deletes “Withdrawals, clearly…we had fun.” 

There’s no screen shot of this tweet but some retweets/responses of it remain:

If Dianna is indeed referencing the song Clean (in which their relationship is compared to an addiction hence, “withdrawals” from it) then Taylor would have had to give her advanced knowledge of the song since 1989 did not come out until October 2014.

Taylor did claim she ran 1989 by the muse that inspired it and they were both in LA in late August 2014. Maybe this is when.

November 1, 2014 - Taylor posts about Clean

November 19, 2014 - The 2014 AMAs Kaylorgron Explosion Extravaganza:

Taylor, Karlie, and Dianna are at the event.  Taylor and Karlie are clearly on a date and Dianna is there to present Sam Smith’s performance of I’m not the only one.  Dianna seems a bit out of her element/gloomy when interviewed on the red carpet and Taylor flexes Karlie hard, dancing with her throughout the night and even sitting on her lap during an interview.

Click here for photos, video, gifs, and a live L chat reaction to the night.

December 28, 2014 - The writer for the tv show The Originals, Carina Mackenzie, tweeted that 1989 was about Dianna:

It’s of course notable that someone in the industry is “confirming” Swiftgron on main (particularly before gaylor went mainstream with Kaylor being so obvious in 2015/2016) however what’s even more interesting and notable about this tweet is that an actor named Michael Trevino was on the show The Originals and he dated Jenna Ushkowitz from 2011-2014.

Not only that but Michael was at Dianna’s 26th birthday when Taylor was in attendance as well.

It’s possible that Michael witnessed Swiftgron in real life and spilled a bit to the writer of the TV show he was on.

January 5, 2015 - Taylor likes a Swiftgron related post on Tumblr of Dianna saying she’d go on the road with Taylor and carry her bags at the Giffoni Film Festival in 2012:

February 9, 2015 - Style is released as a single

February 13, 2015 - The Kaylor “Best Friends” on a road trip Vogue Spread comes out.  You’re probably familiar with it but if you aren’t google it.  It’s incredibly romantic and pda filled.

The Style music video is released on this day as well.

We don’t have to go through the whole video but one egg I just have to note is the cave pictured in the MV is in Morocco the same country Dianna seemed to flee to after Swiftgron was outed:

February 14, 2015 - Dianna tweets 143 remember those days (for some reason it has not been deleted) seemingly in response to the Kaylor vogue shoot:

143 is a code that means “I love you” that originated from Mister Rogers.  Both Taylor and Dianna have publicly shown that they are fans of his.  Taylor has even made certain songs 3 minutes and 41 seconds long seemingly referring to this number and wore a Mister Rogers pin on a jacket for a photoshoot once.

Here’s a bit more in depth analysis on the significance of the 143 post.

This tweet is how we know that it is 100% in Dianna’s character to occasionally subtweet Taylor and why a lot of this social media analysis has been done.  

February 16, 2015 - Just two days later Dianna attends a fashion show in which Karlie walks and is noted to “have kept a smirk on her face” during.  Dianna doesn’t clap at the end of the show and looks miserable in photos of the event:

February 17, 2015 - Taylor releases Wonderland

I’m going to pause here and discuss the song Wonderland for a brief moment because it is some of the most incredibly airtight evidence for Swiftgron available.

Dianna’s favorite book of all time is Alice in Wonderland.  She brought it up in interviews all the time, tweeted about it, auctioned off a signed copy of it for charity, her private Tumblr and instagram account are called whosirmesir which is a reference to it, her private Tumblr is filled with reblogs about Alice, and her public Tumblr was called fell down the rabbit hole.

So the fact that Taylor writes an entire song describing a relationship through the lens of and packing full of references to Alice in Wonderland is incredibly interesting.

Let’s take a look at some of these lyrics:

Flashing lights and we, took a wrong turn and we Fell down the rabbit hole (literally Dianna’s tumblr name and url)

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me (Dianna is famous for her beautiful almost hypnotic green eyes and yes they are green)

Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds (queer coded)

Too in love to think straight (queer coded)

But there were strangers watching And whispers turned to talking And talking turned to screams (seems to reference when they were outed) You searched the world for something else (Dianna very publicly went travelling around the world right after April 2013 when they seem to break up)

Taylor literally put Dianna’s Tumblr URL in the song.  Frankly I’m kind of shocked she released this song at all it is so obviously and clearly about Dianna.  Truly a Swiftgron anthem!

Back to the timeline...

March 8, 2015 - Taylor posts Flamingos for her dad’s birthday:

The caption was “Happy Birthday, Dad. Thanks for all the unconditional love, sarcastic comments, and interesting Christmas presents.”

May 1, 2015 - Dianna posts a flamingo for her birthday (post is now deleted):

The caption was “This is 29. Spoiled rotten. Funny enough, at work they were painting the hallways white and the roses (hallway doors) red, then I actually went to Wonderland (@AliceUnderLdn) and came home to a surprise flamingo. Here we go. Another year around the sun…feeling lucky and loved and loved and lucky.”

Taylor also gave Emily, another rumored ex, a flamingo bandana for her birthday.  i also think it’s odd that Dianna mentions Wonderland specifically in the post.

January 15, 2016 - Dianna’s engagement to Winston is announced and Kaylors notice Taylor is liking sad posts on Tumblr including several posts related to Clean:

November 7, 2016 - Lorde’s birthday party where Kaylor is together in public for the last time for 20 months.

January 5, 2017 - Claire (who is still very close with Taylor) comments on one of Dianna’s Instagram posts):

March 2, 2017 - Dianna posts her James Dean inStyle UK photo to Instagram:

This is actually the second time she has posted this as a throwback photo.  She also posted it on February 4, 2016 with simply the caption “TBT” and did not include the “rebel without a clue” bit which is a reference to James Dean (Rebel Without a Cause). She’s never posted the same TBT photo twice before or after this (as of the writing of this post in October 2020).

It I may be permitted to go real far out on a limb here it’s almost as if she wanted people to connect that photo of her in the UK InStyle magazine to James Dean.  James Dean is of course the way Taylor describes her lover in the song Style.  

At any rate it’s very odd that it’s the only photo she’s posted twice whether it’s related to Taylor or not.

April 25, 2017 - Fans notice Dianna is having her script tattoo removed:

This is significant because a part of the tattoo was dedicated to Alice in Wonderland - it said “We’re all mad here” 

Tattoo removal is a years long process:

So it’s possible she started getting it removed around the time that Wonderland came out.

It’s also possible part of the tattoo was dedicated to Lea (the part that said “here I am”) so this whole removal situation is very interesting.

In 2019 she was still getting it removed and commented this at a Cafe Carlyle session:

"i was like i don't know i wanna explain all my tattoos or the one that i'm getting removed on my side...you know you're like...WHATEVER we're stopping we're moving on"

February 13, 2018 - Dianna attends the Carolina Herrera fashion show, so does Karlie. Dianna is introduced to Karlie by Derek Blasberg and very audibly calls Karlie “gorgeoouusss” as they meet. 

Kayda play “Gorgeous” by Taylor Swift.

Click here to keep reading!

[angelicjadamv]

The story so far

One month after graduating high school in 2015 I was finally able to move away from my family. I was 18 and moved to California for college. Fortunately one of the scholarships I earned was accompanied by a summer program that started in the middle of the summer before fall semester. Shortly after settling in a safe, stable environment for the first time in my life I started to get better. A lot better at first. Then life happened, as it does, and 18 years of repressed trauma and abuse broke me. My nervous breakdown ruined my fall semester, I couldn't go to classes or take exams or function as a student anymore. Until this point, being an exceptional student was all I had and basically how I survived. My safe and stable environment now was dependant on maintaining a certain GPA, among other requirements I could no longer meet. I failed one of my main courses because I had a 0 on 2 exams, including the final. When I went home I was put on antipsychotics. Returning to campus for the 2016 spring semester, I attempted to seek more therapy. I wasn't successful in finding a good therapist (for me, therapy is a personal thing. Just because someone isn't a good therapist for me doesn't necessarily mean they are a bad therapist). I did continue to see my 2 psychiatrists (emergency and regular) often as they attempted to adjust my medication to find something that work. My agoraphobia worsened, I stopped sleeping, I could barely eat, I was manic one moment and dissociative the next, SH and suicidal ideation worsened. I was a burden to my friends and loved ones. I made it through this because I had a beautiful support system that I will forever be grateful for, but I ended up taking a leave of absence academically for my second semester, earning no credits and putting my scholarships at further jeopardy. I was allowed to stay on campus because it was clear I was dangerously unstable with no safe environment to return to and because I had incredible advocates looking out for me. I had realized that I wasn't going to get better in time to salvage my academic career and my life, and was mostly clueless as to how I would survive. I had had an internship in my field since I started college, but I earned basically no money. STEM internships aren't really made to be livable for undergrads, so I had mostly been working for experience in a field I would no longer be able to progress in. Bummer. My physical health had taken a huge dive for all of 2016. I basically always knew I was chronically ill, but I had been abused and gaslit my entire life to believe and act like I was fine, I was just a weak baby, I didn't know what real pain or suffering was, seizures were to be ignored, no I didn't have migraines or pinched nerves (um hello SCOLIOSIS), etc etc. And 2016 was the year my body finally started to break, so I knew "regular" jobs weren't going to be a viable option for me, at least not for long.

And thus I became a survival SW. I stayed in college for a final semester, because I didn't want to miss my friends, I loved my campus and didn't know where else to live, I still needed a lot of campus resources. I also kept my internship as long as I could, because I knew I would miss it for the rest of my life. I didn't really go to classes, again, because as much as a desperately wanted to and as much as my advisors moved heaven and earth to try to make it work for me, I couldn't handle it. I was finally able to find 2 great therapists who I started seeing regularly who actually knew how to diagnose and treat me, one at school and one outside. This is also when I met Daddy (Jace) online. After talking for what is probably a stupidly short time, we fell in love and started dating. This is honestly my first real relationship and time actually catching genuine feelings for someone, something that I hadn't thought I was capable of. Despite being happier than I had ever been in so many ways, my mental and physical health was still steadily declining. My migraines and pain were getting worse, I hadn't been able to eat normally in months and relied entirely on medication to eat or sleep at all. Many people recommended mmj at this point in my life, but I was afraid of how it would interact with my other meds. I only smoked occasionally at parties at this point (because no way was I spending my super duper limited money on weed). I wonder if medicating with something that actually worked well for me, like weed, would have allowed me to finish college. Oh well I guess. Because of my inability to attend classes, I had to take another leave for the fall semester 2016. I worked at a strip club briefly, but my health couldn't handle it for long.

I didn't want to go home for the first winter break in 2015, but campus closed and I had nowhere else to go. It was turbulent. When summer 2016 came, I still didn't go home despite having no place to stay. Until a month or so later, it was revealed to me a relative had terminal cancer. I had to go home again. It was worse than turbulent. When winter 2016 came, my relative was in much worse condition. They only had a few months left, and this was probably my last chance to say goodbye. This visit was by far the most traumatic, and more because of my parents than watching a loved one die. At least Jace was able to come meet me for the first time in person. He also got to meet my relative before they passed 🖤

Freshly fucked up by family, I retuned to California at the beginning of 2017. I was mostly taking a break from SW because of my health and was working vanilla jobs as I could (so not much). I had a pretty decent job that I was really good at and had been promoted, but then my relative passed. I started losing consciousness again ( I had many seizures and fainting spells in my childhood and during high school) and had to quit my job. the funeral was in spring 2017, I flew to Jersey to be with Daddy for a few days and then he drove me several states over for the memorial. That was the last time I saw my family. I wanted to transition to online/content creating, but I had no tech knowledge or equipment (even my phone was a potato). In high school I wasn't allowed to have a smartphone, most social media other than what was heavily monitored (and still had 0 experience with platforms sw is popular on besides Tumblr I guess), I didn't really know much about cameras. Way too sheltered and broken to feel like I could start anything. I was now seeing my outside, or I guess regular and only, therapist twice a week and doing treatments that while working for me were insanely (literally) hard. I had been able to get an apartment with roommates at a super discount in return for taking care of their crazy dog, which was a win win for me (he was a good boi just crazy from a bad past and had the worst separation anxiety). The agreement was that I would live with them until the lease was up in September, and then we would reevaluate the situation. Then they both got promoted at their mega corporation jobs. And after their wedding found a really gorgeous apartment in a much fancier part of the city, and paid to break our lease early in June leaving me homeless. I had been fired from my last 2 jobs (probably for being disabled because California is at will employment but who knows I might have been fired from the nanny job because the husband wanted to fuck me). I had no money or anywhere to go. All of my friends were almost as broke as me, so while I had offers to couchsurf at a few of their places they had other roommates who would have been pissed and in a few months they would be going back to school anyways. Daddy and I had been trying to save up to move in together for months, but he was going to move to California. We didn't have any money for that, so instead he asked me to move in with him in New Jersey. Leaving meant I lost my health insurance and my therapist. It was supposed to be much more temporary and we were supposed to move back to California much sooner than we were able to. I try not to be mad at those roommates because being angry doesn't change anything, but it really sucked.

Moving in with Daddy meant we could start our blog! And I was super happy at first, the happiest I could ever remember. But the years had been too hard and my health started to get worse than ever before. Without treatment and so traumatized, my brain and body were constantly at war. I would wake with splitting migraines, throwing up, my chronic pain became completely unmanageable. I started to need weed all the time because it was the only thing that stopped my cyclical vomiting episodes and kept me out of the hospital. My antipsychotics and other meds had been high-key fucking me up (probably shouldn't have been on them in the first place, thank you doctor who also ignored my seizures even when I had one in front of you) and were almost impossible to come off of because the withdrawals. (Seriously, kicking xanax was easier for me than my antipsychotics.) I'm not anti medication or anything, I just know the ones I was on were not good for me anymore. I'd actually like to be on something again, I just need a doctor who actually understands PTSD and DID.

My health continued to be shit for most of 2018, with several ER visits for severe dehydration from vomiting for days on end. We started to make videos and do snapchat and online sessions to be able to make ends meet. Despite being in the worst situation and thus everything being a trizillion times harder, we really loved (and still love 😇) doing SW and creating content. Our fans and clients have been there in some of our darkest moments, just being lovely or pulling through for us when we needed it most. During 2018 and 2019 I became actively suicidal for the first time since I was 13. I struggled with self harm again. I have gotten worse than I ever thought possible. But I wouldn't have made it at all if it wasn't for SW, this community and our supporters.

At the beginning of 2020 we were finally able to move back to California. Obviously, the pandemic severely disrupted many of our plans, especially regarding my recovery. Despite things being delayed or shifted, we are in a much better place currently. I have what I need to get better and I can build a support system again. I will get better.

Talking about things is hard for me. Being open and honest is hard for me. For 18 years I was trained and abused to not be sad or show negative feelings, or talk about upsetting things, and it has been killing me slowly my entire life. I genuinely don't want pity or to make others feel bad, but I do want to give you the chance to get to know me. I don't always talk about things so much. But I'm trying to get better at it.

[meadows-of-light]

2000-2099

2000) Train until it kills you because really, when you get down to it, there's nothing else you can do.

2001) Bisexual? More like bi-myself.

2002) I know when I die, you'll be on my mind & I'll love you, always.

2003) All my love is gone, now you’re dead & gone.

2004) Everyone was secretly waiting for us to get together, weren’t they?

2005) I always thought it was so cute how you do that.

2006) No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.

2007) You really think a relationship should be that hard?

2008) I’d come for you, no matter what, when you need me, I will be there.

2009) Wouldn’t it be better to tell her even if the timing is wrong, than to never tell her at all?

2010) The most dangerous human being is the one who’s in love.

2011) I will always love you even when you’re old & wrinkly. Thank you but I probably won't last that long.

2012) You really are dumb, I love you, but you’re an idiot.

2013) The biggest mistake you have made is letting love come into your life.

2014) This is not who you are, I know you better than that.

2015) The nightmares are just an illusion, I’m really here.

2016) I know, it hurts & I’m so sorry, but we have to get this out.

2017) Tell me to stay & I will be here for as long as you’ll have me.

2018) It’s okay to be afraid sometimes.

2019) Just keep breathing, in & out. You’re doing great.

2020) They won’t take you away from me ever again.

2021) Just look at me, forget everything else.

2022) If you feel safer with me being there, you know I will always be there.

2023) I want you to know that it’s okay to cry.

2024) It’s alright, I’m not going to let go.

2025) Can’t I keep even one thing I love?

2026) You told me you’d be there for me & you weren’t.

2027) You couldn’t even give me so much as a goodbye.

2028) I’m beyond saving, but please, protect the others. Do it for me.

2029) I was just a child.

2030) You’re so empty, what happened to you, where did your spark go?

2031) My truth. Our truth. Everything will be forgotten.

2032) Your eyes...were so kind.

2033) I can’t afford to trust you. I can’t afford to trust anyone.

2034) You were all I had when everything fell apart, you were the only person left.

2035) Run far away, don’t think of me. Just run.

2036) Haven’t you taken enough from me?

2037) I would do anything just to just to see them again. To see them exactly how they were, all those years ago.

2038) Somewhere far away, my home is waiting for me. I just don’t know when I’ll return.

2039) I dream of that place every night.

2040) You see this? They gave me this so I wouldn’t forget them & I never have.

2041) You know, I loved you once. So did I but you're not the person I loved anymore.

2042) I’ve lost so much, but I’m grateful that I still have what matters to me most. And what is that? You.

2043) I saw a photo of me as a child & I realized that little kid would be horrified to see who I am today.

2044) I will never give up on you. I will never stop trying to convince you to come back to us. I know you don’t believe in my loyalty now, but I will prove it to you.

2045) I love you. What? I love you because you are me, & I should have been kinder to you before. To myself.

2046) I’m sorry you had to learn what will happen this way. But I promise, even if we can’t change things, there is joy to be found in the future.

2047) Everyone thinks I have it all because of my abilities, but my powers can’t bring back what I’ve lost. I mean, they’re the reason why the things I love have been taken from me.

2048) I know you’re in there somewhere & I need you to listen to me & remember who you are.

2049) You’re my best friend, [Name]. Remember growing up together? Remember how mad I’d get when you took my stuff, & how much fun we’d have making fun of TV shows? I need you.

2050) Please, [Name], please come back. You can fight this. You don’t have to lose control.

2051) I’m sorry I got captured, I shouldn’t have been so careless that you had to waste so much time rescuing me. [Name], I don't care how long it took because what matters is that we got you back & I would have spent my whole life trying to save you.

2052) You’re not hurt? Okay, good. Now I’m going to kill the ones who captured you.

2053) It's alright to feel broken every once & awhile & it's alright to take time to heal.

2054) I would give up everything for the chance to hear your laugh again, to see you smile, to see you happy.

2055) If I never see you again, just know that I love you so, so much.

2056) You said we'd be together forever, but I guess forever really isn't that long.

2057) No matter what they made you think, you are worth saving. You are worth loving.

2058) All I've ever wanted was a place to belong. Somewhere I could call home & you gave me that because you are my home.

2059) We've been by each other's sides for years, you think I'm gonna leave now?

2060) I just can't see myself ever living without you.

2061) If there was ever anybody meant for me, it's you.

2062) The closest thing to love at first sight I've ever experienced happened when I first laid eyes on you.

2063) The world gets a little brighter when you're around.

2064) Why are you staring at me? Because I think you're beautiful.

2065) How long have you had this planned? Since the moment I fell in love with you.

2066) I can't remember the last time I laughed like this.

2067) I don't want you to die for me, I want you to live for me.

2068) I will never stop fighting for you. I will never stop protecting you.

2069) I'd wait a thousand lifetimes for you, because you are worth waiting for so when you're ready then I'll be right here.

2070) You make me feel alive. For the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe.

2071) You endure what is unbearable & you bear it. That is all.

2072) Light can devour the darkness but darkness cannot consume the light.

2073) He'd burn the whole world down until he could dig you out of the ashes.

2074) Sometimes when you're sad, you need to be as sad as possible until you can be happy again.

2075) But as long as I remember what it was like to love you, I'll always feel like I'm alive.

2076) There’s a difference between having your heart break & having your soul shatter.

2077) You are the last dream of my soul.

2078) Every heart has its own melody, you know mine.

2079) She's strong but she's exhausted.

2080) Don't you wish you could just close your eyes & turn back time?

2081) I miss you & that's killing me.

2082) I dream of you almost every night & I hope I don't wake up.

2083) I could try to smile to hide the truth, but I know I was happier with you.

2084) You're gone, I watched you disappear & now all that's left is a ghost.

2085) If I knew how much I'd suffer...

2086) We're all a little broken & that's okay.

2087) Before dawn, the night is darkest just before dawn. But keep your eyes open, keep them open no matter how dark the night ahead may be. If you avert your eyes from the dark, you'll be blind to the rays of a new day.

2088) I always wonder what it felt like when someone you love dies. No matter how badly you want to see them again, you won't be able to. No matter how much you want to hear their voices or be touched by them, it won't happen again. The warmth of those people is gone.

2089) Only those who have suffered enough can see the light within the shadows.

2090) No matter what planet I am on, no matter how many people surround me, without you, I feel alone.

2091) You are the reason your family is alive. You bought them the time they needed & now they've woken up.

2092) I had a husband & I loved him & he was murdered in cold blood in front of me.

2093) I am afraid because I know I cannot fight forever.

2094) She died alone, she died for me & I couldn't protect her.

2095) I will fight every moment even when my soul is broken.

2096) I've been trying to go home my whole life.

2097) Can't you hear me? I'm not coming home.

2098) I LOVE YOU, OKAY? I LOVE YOU & IT'S SCARING ME HOW I CAN’T CONTROL IT!

2099) Get down from there, you're going to fall! HAHA NOPE-. *falls*

[introvertguide]

Star Wars: The Franchise

Back in the mid 70s around Modesto, California, it is doubtful that George Lucas could have imagined that his idea for a space opera would become the second highest grossing movie franchise of all time. There has been some questionable content, however, since the groundbreaking original, and the returns have not been as great. There were also some one-offs that a lot of the younger fans might not be aware of. For my own sanity and organization, here is a listing of all feature length movies in the franchise:

Star Wars IV: A New Hope (1977) -

Definitely the most successful film (heck, one of the most successful films of all time) that made almost a billion dollars at the box office worldwide...in the 80s. Amazing. The story mimics the hero's journey as described by Joseph Campbell, giving it basically the most satisfying story imaginable. Nobody except for friend of George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, thought it would be as successful as it was. This kind of popularity meant there was going to be some sequels and, since George Lucas was the man behind the whole thing, only one man was about to get tasked with future success.

Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) -

This was a TV movie that was made to cash in on the massive popularity of the first movie while the second one was in production. It is terrible. I generally try to hold back judgement and point out subjective opinions, but I think I can say that this made-for-TV movie is objectively bad. It is the equivalent of a variety show, a format which was popular at the time, and it was awful. It is widely considered to be one of the worst visual productions of all time. Just to give a hint of its awfulness, the movie follows the adventures of Chewbacca's Wookie family and they only speak in growls with no interpretation or subtitles. Laughably awful.

The Empire Strikes Back (1980) -

Arguably the best of the films as far as story and plot, this film was actually directed by Irvin Kershner with a George Lucas story adapted to the screen by Lawrence Kasdan. This film is legitimately fantastic and not just new and fun. It is so well written and directed with the famous reveal between Luke and Darth Vader. It also is incredibly downbeat at the end that perfectly sets up the next film. I personally think this is the best example of fine film in the franchise, although it doesn't have as much big action and no giant space laser. Well worth watching and makes the third film a must see.

Return of the Jedi (1983) -

Well, not as good as the first two, but still pretty darn good. This film introduced the Ewoks and the Endor moon battle. Many fans thought that the introduction of living teddy bears was a mistake that distract from the story. What really made the film, apparently, was the whole sequence at the beginning that takes place at Jabba the Hut's palace and involves Princess Leia in a metal bikini. We also find out that Luke and Leia are twins, so that kiss in the second film suddenly becomes kind of awkward. This becomes kind of a theme from here on out: should we disavow canon or put in throwaway lines and scenes to cover things that were mentioned in previous movies. It plagues the prequels.

The Ewok Adventure (1984) -

I get a lot of garbage about it, but I love these movies because I grew up with them. They are not that great and the copy that I saw over and over had ads from the early 80s throughout. Heavy nostalgia. Also, some of the Ewoks were played by established actors from what is now called Episode VI, Warwick Davis as Wicket and Tony Cox as Widdle. It was a lot of fun, but definitely a higher budgeted TV movie. It did become so successful that it got a theater release as Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure. This naming style stuck around for the spin off films that were made in the late 2010s.

Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985) -

Hot dang, they made a second one with Wilford Brimley! Both of the Ewok films were thought up by George Lucas and sold to ABC. Both films were also given special Emmy awards for special effects. I can't fault either Ewok film as far as visuals since both got the ILM treatment. I have stated that I liked both of these movies more than some of the prequels, and I stand by that.

The Phantom Menace (1999) -

The next three films followed the first three episodes in the Star Wars saga and are now generally known as the prequels. They are also pretty widely hated. One reason for that was the introduction of young Anikan Skywalker (eventual Darth Vader) and his growing attachment to Lord Palpatine (Darth Sidious). The problem with the prequels is that it was a path leading to a result that had been established over 20 years ago in the first film. They also introduced a character named Jar-Jar Binks who was just awful. There was a great pod racing scene and an epic Sith vs. Jedi battle that really were the highlights of the film. The music was also pretty epic, but the film was otherwise not that great. It was completely made under the helm of George Lucas and fans were suddenly starting to wonder if he was the genius they had thought him to be. What I consider to be the best YouTube deep dive movie review of all time, a group called Red Letter Media made a seven part review that explains why the movie was such a problem. You can watch the first part and it will auto load all seven here:

(1) Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Review (Part 1 of 7) - YouTube

Attack of the Clones (2002) -

Alright, here is where things really start to go down hill. There is a fine actor by the name of Hayden Christiansen that is just awful in this film. He is given nothing to do for the most part. He is supposed to be this amazing Jedi general, but he spends most of his time walking around speaking in a very monotone voice. He does have some fun piloting scenes, but he is written as such a whiny brat. There are two epic battles (the coliseum and Dooku vs. Yoda) and we get to see a bounty hunter in action. It does seem like a lot of fan service glued together by boring politics and horrifically bad acting.

Revenge of the Sith (2005) -

This is widely considered the worst of the prequel movies and generally laughable at some points. There is supposed to be an epic lava battle at the end, but it is just a bunch of screaming about a failed bromance. We get to see the end of the characters in the prequel and set up the original movies...that were now almost 30 years old. It was unsatisfying and not even slightly worth the wait. It was at this time that George Lucas said that there would never be a seventh episode that would follow the original trilogy.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) -

There was a very compelling series of Star Wars shorts in 2003 made by Genndy Tartakovsky that did very well. George Lucas saw this and decided that a lot of the most interesting Star Wars events had occurred during the time between the prequels and the original series. Lucasfilm put out an animated movie to test the waters and it was so successful that 7 seasons of great animated adventures were made to show the epic battles that were supposed to take place between the second and third episode. I honestly believe that this was the very best space action of the entire franchise.

The Force Awakens (2015) -

George Lucas sold the Star Wars franchise over to Disney and fans got a new movie that was never supposed to happen. Once Disney came on board, the brand became much more prolific. Until the pandemic, there were plans to put out a Star Wars movie every year for a decade. The first was episode seven and was made by J.J. Abrams. It was similar to the first film (episode IV) in so many ways that fans started to think it was just a remake. It even had a lot of the characters from the original trilogy. It was much better received by fans following the prequels and introduced a storyline that was not already spoiled by previous movies. There was a lot of unnecessary fan service for those who loved the original trilogy. This makes since because it involved Lawrence Kasdan, who helped with the screenplay for episode five and six from the original trilogy.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) -

A full big budget release of a Star Wars movie that wasn't one of the episodes was an interesting idea. It was an entire movie to explain a throwaway line from the original 1977 movie. I lot of people died to get some plans for the big weapon in the first film and people wanted to know exactly how that happened. Actually they didn't. But Disney thought it was a good idea and it seemed like it would make a lot of money (it did). It gave the producers a chance to make a movie with new characters and only mentions of the famous story (this was important because the other actors where making the next episode).

The Last Jedi (2017) -

This was an interesting change of pace from the rest of the films because it seemed to drop the idea of the "chosen one" and say that anyone could be a Jedi. It is basically one giant escape story and is closer to Mad Max in space than it is to the other Star Wars films. It was given in full by Disney to Rian Johnson and it shows. This was the first episode film that had nothing in common with any of the production group from the original trilogy. No Kasdan, no Kirschner, no Lucas, all Disney. It was not very well received.

Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) -

The worst performing of any of the Star Wars live action feature length films, this was the story of Han Solo. That's it. There is not a lot of history about the character and he is so cool, fans needed to have a stand alone movie about his youth. That's a lie, Disney wanted a movie to come out between episode eight and nine. This was the best that the suits could come up with and it definitely made money, but it is lame.

The Rise of Skywalker (2019) -

Well, the movie completely helmed by Rian Johnson was not popular enough so there was a total retcon situation and this film basically picked up where episode seven left off. It was the same team from episode seven (since that film was so much more popular) and they made a final film that wraps up with a bow. Sort of. There was definitely room in the film world for more Star Wars movies to be made (it is owned by Disney) and I really don't believe it is finished as a franchise.

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Just in case there are people who were nervous that this was the end of the franchise, there is currently a stand alone film called Rogue Squadron that is supposed to come out in 2023. Thank goodness. There was also the popular Mandalorian series on Disney +. But the franchise has been making huge films for almost 45 years now, so maybe it is time to stop. We have the MCU that has made almost twice as much money as the Star Wars universe, so most movie goers have picked their setting that they want to see. Maybe there could be a crossover (I am kidding, please no) and it would be the most watched film of all time.

[youcouldcallitfiction]

February 24, 2021

Do people still come on here? Not judging, just kinda forgot about this platform and I remembered I still had the app on my phone, hidden away in a folder.

Just wanted to write things out I guess...

Yesterday my boyfriend told me that his brother told him back in 2016 that the bitch that used to be my BFF was really hurt by our “friendbreakup”, that she was “really sad” over it and he should try to get me to try to work things out with her and my sweet angel baby of a boyfriend told him that the issue is between me & her and if I wanted to talk and work things out, then I would.

We were best friends for about 8 years when we stopped talking. In hindsight and self evaluation, I have realized she was never really my friend. I was just her lackey. She wanted things to go well for me just so that I wouldn’t have anything to complain about but she felt she was the main character even in my story.

She wanted me to stay under her control, wrapped around her finger, and she fantasized ALOUD, that I was in love with her but she wasn’t in love with me. She would tell me that all the time, that if I was a lesbian or a boy I would TOTALLY be in love with her and she would TOTALLY friendzone me. I guess to make me feel not cute? She did little jabs like that all the time to knock me down a peg. If I ever had any complaint or went against her in any way, she would gaslight me and make me believe I’m crazy or stupid for feeling that way. I became SCARED of standing up to her. Literal anxiety, so I cried a lot and she called me a crybaby, anyway. She tried to isolate me and got mad if I ever got anything good that she couldn’t get, be it a good grade, or any help whatsoever from my parents...

So she never really cared for me. I was hurt too when SHE broke up the friendship in 2016. All I did was call her bluff this time. I made sure to remember what led up to that point because she had “broken up with me” at least 4 times before in the 8 years of our best friendship. And every time I BEGGED her to take me back and I apologized and apologized until our friendship was whole again.

This time though, when she did it again, I had just returned from Hawaii for my birthday trip. Of course she was jealous that I didn’t invite her but we had been fighting a lot and it was a family trip (and my family never liked her). My boyfriend and I were celebrating our 4 year anniversary as well, so of course he HAD been invited on the trip. And she texted me a late happy birthday and that we needed to talk when I came back. Of course I was done with all her shit at this point. So when she told me that we shouldn’t be best friends anymore, I just said “okay, have a good life then”

And she said “DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” and another fight ensued... but for me it felt like SUCH a weight off my shoulders! Like I could breathe again! I felt free of the shackles of her bullshit self-imposed drama. Like I had Stockholm syndrome and I had finally woken up and seen her as the terrible, manipulative, emotionally abusive, gaslighting monster she is.

And yes, of course, a couple weeks later she texts me with an inside joke, hoping to bridge that gap again, get me giggling and hopefully in her net again. I can’t say I ignored her, I replied to her and laughed. And we texted for a bit and then of course she blew up at me again over a stupid lamp so I ignored her again. Eventually she’ll show her true colors.

2 years later, In 2018 after not talking for awhile she sent me a message asking if we could meet up for some coffee or some shit and we could talk and that she’s had a lot of time to think about everything that happened and has had some time to grow and she really wanted to sit and talk with me face to face. I denied her that pleasure. She wasn’t really “grown” it’s her same manipulation to her current friends (who at the time her new best friend was my boyfriends sister cus oh yea did I forget to mention she’s dating my boyfriends brother?) she wanted to make herself seem like the bigger person by reaching out to me. And I was going to ignore it and leave her on read... but I replied after talking to my lovely eyebrow artist and I told her that I’ve had a lot of time to think and learn too and that I didn’t feel we had anything to talk about. Water under the bridge and so on and so forth. Diplomatic bullshit. It will never be water under the bridge but it’s always a game with her. So I had to word my reply carefully. She probably still went and told them “see? I tried! She’s the unreasonable one!” But you can’t reason with a sociopath so why should I put myself back in that situation? Just the thought of meeting her anywhere makes me wanna throw up. Anxiety on HIGH. I’m not exaggerating either, I will literally throw up.

Of course I’m not completely free of her yet. Who knows if I ever will be? But I won’t let myself forgive her or forget all the damage I’m still working to undo. So she was “hurt” by our breakup. Cry me a fucking river then. You reap what you sow, bitch. Eventually your actions have consequences. You sanded away every good feeling I had for you. There’s nothing left.

[kyutown]

hii, if you are accepting requests, can I ask for a ship with bts, txt and nct 127?

Thank you in advance ^^

(also, my mother language is portuguese, so I'm sorry for any mistake, for the long description too)

Physical:

So... my height is 162cm (5'4), I weigh around 50kg, I have a skinny body figure with an hourglass shape, thin waist, long (almost reaches my belly button) and straight medium brown hair, dark brown eyes and pale skin. People always tell me that I'm naturally charming. I'm not a big fan of heavy make up, that's why 95% of the time I'm barefaced. The color that best suits me is black, small face: 17,5cm (last time I've measured was 18cm, but I just measured yesterday again and it was 17,5cm lol), soft skin, eye smile, kind of an aegyo-sal (however, only appears sometimes, idk, not sure if it really is) and bunny teeth.

I used to have double eyelids in both eyes, but now I have a double eyelid on my left eye and a triple eyelid on my right eye, (somehow I developed a third eyelid in the beginning of the year).

Personality:

My MBTI is ENFP-T, sign is Sagittarius. I'm the youngest, silliest and weirdest in my group of friends. An only child. I can be friendly or very shy at first, it depends on my mood. Love spending time alone and thinking by myself, I'm very competitive, can do both sexy and cute styles, a scaredy cat, love perfumes and fashion, animal lover, midnight person, traditional romantic, very curious, like romance and horror movies, fav color is purple since 2010, pretty talented at singing; dancing; drawing and acting. I LOVE playing video games since I was around 4 or 5 years old. Also LOVE stars, moon, galaxy and everything about the universe (and prefer sunset over sunrise). I've always been one of the smartest at my school, even tho I hate to study, it just seems natural. I also can speak 3 different languages.

People usually laugh of what I say, so I guess I'm kinda funny (?)

I'm very honest, kind, active/athletic (I can't stand still for a long time, I have the necessity of keep moving), a bit sarcastic, bubbly, dirty minded, sincere, open-minded, loyal and love eating sweet things.

I have extreme fear of bees, whenever I see one I start screaming, running and (in some extreme cases) crying.

Most of the time I just pretend that I'm strong and cold, but actually I'm very fragile with my emotions, I act like idc, but later I will surely think about and cry.

Flaws: stubborn; bossy; too much emotional; I'm sincere on the point that sometimes can hurt the others and manipulative.

I'm already a bit stage experienced, since I started "performing" when I was only 11 years old, it started with a role as the lead actress in a play at my old school, for a crowd of around 300 people. I was the lead actress in 2016, 2017 and 2018. In 2017 I joined a choir and stayed until 2018. In 2019 I participated in a school show talents with my group of friends, we danced very like a girlgroup. Since then, I took a break from the stage. But never did something in the professional level, only at school.

I took both contemporary and street dance/hip hop classes at the age of 10 (2015), as well drama classes. And in 2017 I took singing lessons.

(yeah, I'm a 04 liner)

Clothing style I'd say I'm more of a tumblr/casual, I can wear any color, but darker tones fits me the best.

My current biggest ambition is to become famous, I'd love to become an Idol cuz I completely love the stage/singing/dancing and performing. Hopefully it can become reality soon. (Yeah, I'm willing to audition in the beginning of the next year)

My fav skinship is holding hands, hugs only if they are quick. I just want to hug longer my s/o (and my parents ofc), I'm not a VERY touchy and clingy person, I like to have my personal space.

My ideal type: is a guy who is at least 172cm but I would prefer his height to be between 175cm-180cm, not small but not a giant, has black or dark brown straight hair. Ideal age gap 1995-2002, I'm totally into an older s/o, but not older than a 95 liner (I don't want him to look like he is my father). An understanding boy, who knows how to respect privacy, because I like to spend some time by myself, romantic, loyal, trustworthy, honest, knows how to dance, open-minded. Affectionate but not THAT clingy, I'd feel annoyed if he wanted to live glued to me 24/7. Sometimes, when feeling more affectionate, I will want to hug him all day and cuddle while watching something and have a good conversation.

I believe in destiny, so a person who wouldn't make fun of that, cuz I get sad/mad pretty easily tbh.

Someone who isn't only a s/o, but also a best friend, who I can have fun and share everything. I'd melt inside when he praises me a lot, but I wouldn't know how to react on the outside.

I'd like if he has the same liking for shopping as me, and for traveling too.

That's it, I tried to be as detailed as possible about everything and resulted in a really long description. I hope you don't feel bothered for it.

hi! thank you for responding!

for bts, i think jimin would be good with you! jimin would not only be your significant other but he would always be like your best friend which you wanted! he would talk with you, go shopping with you and do all of the things you would do with your friends! when you have a fight or argument with family or friends, he would always be there for you and would always want to see you having fun!

for txt, i think yeonjun would match you well! yeonjun is a fashionista! he would be the type to dress up with you, go shopping and would do many of the other fashion things with you! he is also born in 1999 which matches your ideal age gap! he would also give you lots of hugs but would still understand if you need your alone time and privacy. but he would love it when you hug him!

for nct 127, i think taeyong would be a great fit! he enjoys listening to music, watching movies and playing games! he would for sure, be the type to spend his free time with you! he would also be the one who would be understanding, affectionate, loyal, trustworthy, open-minded and honest! he would be many if not all of the adjectives that you listed above!

[thebellekeys]

Incoherent thoughts about A Court of Silver Flames (2021) by SJM

Do not expect this to be a critical, unbiased review at all. Eet just ease what eet ease. Spoilers ahead laddies. 

*unwanted preface* 

Okay, so like, you know those things that are neither objectively perfect nor unproblematic yet you love them and are attached to them anyway? Yeah, this is me with SJM’s writing. See, I been with Sarah and Throne of Glass since March of 2015 and with ACOTAR since the summer of 2015 when I was 13 and honestly, ACOTAR in particular occupied a decent portion of my formative teen years. Eventually, when I was about 16 I sort of ended up getting distracted from YA books and went into my thot and kpop era. A main reason for this is that I found ACOFAS particularly disenchanting. This ain’t about that book (sigh) but let’s just say as much as I was still attached to and in love with the ACOTAR world, I was still able to get very annoyed by the decreased quality of the writing and also the evident projecting Sarah was doing onto Feyre with regards to her own life and experiences (ahem). No, the lack of developed POC in the book had nothing to do with it ironically. 

So basically, since the spring of 2018 I haven’t read any SJM yet I never fell out of love with the books either. I’ve sworn off TOG after whatever the hell EOS was, but ACOTAR was always more special and close to my heart by tenfold, honestly. See, the best day of my 2016 was the day I found out ACOTAR was getting the extra 3 novels and 2 novellas. ACOFAS was a dumpster fire but I was actually surprised to really, really enjoy A Court of Silver Flames while it obviously has a couple (multiple) sus facets to it. The susness aside, I thoroughly felt at home reading Nesta’s book despite how irrational that might sound. No, I’m not here to say the book was objectively good but I’m here to say I still enjoyed it despite my love-hate relationship with SJM and her writing. :( :( :( 

That being said imma still roast tf out of a couple aspects of it. :)

*the susness*

Aight wbk that SJM like, projects a lot onto feyrhys right. I’m not even gonna deny it. Like as horrible as it sounds, when feyrhys were, like, struggling as a couple and shit in ACOMAF, that’s when I loved them the most but then the shitstorm that was ACOWAR hit and they couldn’t go without boning every two seconds or calling each other mates and shit and basically every character in the book started kissing their asses (except Nesta) to the point where they were infallibly good and powerful and everyone’s heads were lodged up their asses... I got PISSED OFF then, right.

Now, in ACOSF (is that correct?), they were side characters and, gratefully, that romance between them was toned down. But here are some things concerning feyrhys and the Court of Dreams that irked tf out of me, and the implications that they had for Nesta (who is perhaps one of the baddest bitches ever) had me feeling homicidal towards the IC:

Every single time Nesta said shit about Rhys and then Cassian got mad I wanted to SCREAM like yooo let her roast tf out of him like yeah I get Rhys lowkey did a lot for her both directly and indirectly but cmoooooon not everyone needs to be riding his dick like the man HATED Nesta from the get-go. I loved the idea that someone in the book lowkey abhors Rhys just for the TEA it gave me. Like yeah, okay Cassian, I get that he’s your bro but he can SUCK NESTA’S DICK also like my girl is a DEATH GOD.

Here me out: the Inner Circle completely dehumanized Nesta, they completely disregarded her personal autonomy and caged her in which is ironically the very behavior that was villainized when Tamlin did it to Feyre. First of all they restricted her movement, they made decisions FOR her, they withheld from her knowledge about her own powers, they decided what’s best for her and acted like she was a rabid dog the entire time. Only Cassian and Azriel seem more blameless in this regard, but the level of scorn and abohorence and moralizing Feyre, Elain, Rhys, Amren and Mor did towards Nes made my blood boil. At the end of the day, the Inner Circle did the VERY THING they hated being done to Feyre. Whatever happened to the freedom they professed? The autonomy they decided all members of their court deserved? That was all bullshit, or was this switch-up SJM’s way of creating justifiable conflict between Nesta and the Inner Circle... either way, there was no closure about this and the way they dictated Nesta’s behavior whilst completely mistreating her imo.

More on Nesta’s treatment - okay listen the way the narrative had every character acting like Nesta was fricking scum and for WHAT??? Okay, she didn’t hunt when Feyre and they were poor, she was bitchy, she hates the Fae... okay, why is Nesta still being punished for her mistakes like this by the Court? Does their forgiveness only apply to those in their clique? They’re acting like her drinking and sleeping around and her general bitchy behavior is sooooo toxic when they ALL coped with their respective trauma in questionable ways in their centuries of living. And the narrative never condemned them for this behavior either... like cmon they had an “intervention” about Nesta like if she needed to reach a certain moral standing to be lovable or something. Seems to me that only Cassian was willing to love her, bruises and all... “There’s nothing broken to be fixed. You are helping yourself. Healing the parts of you that hurt too much - and perhaps hurt others too���. But as beautiful as that it, it seems the IC see Nesta’s healing as her “redemption arc” when I never saw her as a villain or monster to begin with. They acted like she had to become deserving of their acceptance. Bullshit.

No cus more on this... Cassian is the only person who defended Nesta, the only person that wanted to help her heal and grow when everyone else wanted to fix her. He was the only person who was kind to her from the original trilogy (i.e. not counting Emerie and Gwyn). He stood up for her and I’ll gush about them in the next section, but the dynamic between Nesta and the IC was the least enjoyable aspect of the book for me. It was clear SJM wanted to spur Nesta towards the path to healing yet only figured out how to do so whilst only keeping feyrhys as the nucleus of this arc, and so she had them force Nesta into her “special journey” (because she loves them so much, cus they’re sooooo perfect right *rolls eye*), yet, the narrative didn’t quite condemn them for their toxicity towards Nesta at ALL, even towards the end. The good thing is that Nesta did not become an ass-kisser throughout the story and laud them for “helping her” every waking second. Only Cassian didn’t shun her for her inner negativity but embraced her. And Az was pretty cool too, can’t hate him.

Ahem, the ending: okay, I’m not even capping, but I hated that Nesta lost her power for feyrhys. I get that she genuinely did it out of love and shit and I’m not even gonna lie, the thought of feyrhys dying had me on the verge of tears cus as much as I hate them, I also love those bitches. Yet, the culmination of Nesta’s power was, what?, to save feyrhys. This way, the narrative put Feyre at the center of Nesta’s narrative towards the end. And Nesta lost that Death God power that she basically EARNED in that Cauldron. This is the biggest flaw of the story. She fought against her own power to give it up... for Feyre. Like??? What??? Why was that baby arc even necessary????? Why was Nesta giving up her power necessary to fulfil her healing arc which was the POINT of the book??? Like what?????? It left a sour taste in my mouth. No- an abhorrent acidic bitter taste in my mouth. 

Elain. I CANNOT STAND THIS GIRL. She completely abandoned Nesta and for WHAT??? For Feyre??? This only served to reiterate from the narrative’s POV that Nesta was scum and again, idk WHY. And also, why tf does this girl mistreat Lucien like this??? LUCIEN AKA MY FAVORITE CHARACTER???

I just don’t get how the narrative reiterated that Tamlin is the worst of the worst when you got Rhys hiding shit from Feyre, hiding knowledge of Nesta’s power from Nesta, all of that. Like, was the entire point of ACOMAF not for Feyre to embrace her power and become her best self? Rhys never for one second tolerated withholding Feyre’s power from her. So why tf does this apply to Nesta? Cus she’s unhealthy? Okay... so what??? Why villainize her like this and imply she’s undeserving of her power and a waste of life??? I’M LAUGHING SO HARD RN LIKE WHERE DID THIS EVEN COME FROM??? What did my girl do that was sooooo bad that yall needed to treat her like this. Tell me why feyre and amren and varian and rhys all acted like Tamlin in this book. Cardi voice WHAT WAS THE REASON. I AM SO MAD ABOUT THIS CUS THEY ACTED LIKE THE FRICKING MORALISING SYCHOPHANTS THEY CLAIM TO HATE.

Like bitch??? They’re like those youth pastors that reiterate how broken and messed up people with mental illness are? Acted like Nesta screwing guys was the worst thing ever when they should have embraced her? Like I get she would push them away but really??? “Waste of life”??? 

So we gon gloss over how Amren was insisting Nesta shut up about the baby business to Feyre (aka hiding shit from her)? How she was implying that Rhys should conquer all of Prythian? Hear me out, even as someone from a Caribbean country that was colonized by the whites, it actually doesn’t bother me when the theme of conquest comes up, like, this is a fantasy novel and colonization does not exist within the same context for me. That being said, like, it felt as if the narrative telling me lil Rhysie is just sooooo perfect that he needs to be High King. Like, I respect the fact that Rhys has no wish to do so. Homeboy never seemed to care for conquest beyond ensuring his Court’s prowess and safety so WHAT WAS THE REASON AMREN??? Like? What kinda crack was Amren on this entire book???

The worldbuilding... listen, the politics and history felt all over the place, felt incoherent and flat honestly. Didn’t bother me as much as it did in ACOWAR but it was just *meh*, not good. Not horrible, but not great. I preferred the world when it was directly the result of Beauty and the Beat and East of the Sun, West of the Moon.

The Fae have lost their *magic*: no cus what I loved about the first book was that the Fae were one with the Courts and felt very fleshed out in terms of their powers and shit, but now only Eric and Lucien and Tamlin and sometimes Rhys have that same magic for me. Like... the sensuality of the Fae in terms of their actual Celtic roots, that which felt whimsical and immersive in the first book, feels lost to me. I can’t explain it but I feel less nuance and orthodoxy in their portrayal. However, I DID love this one line featuring none other than the loml : “Amid the pink and white blossoms, the cold-faced Autumn Court heir looked truly faerie - as if he’d stepped out of the tree, and his one and only master was the earth itself”. LIKE I SALIVATED THAT IS MY MAN.

*good stuffs*

Okay let’s talk about the smut like I didn’t like the word choice as usual like quit with the euphemisms and say cock and goooooo. That being said like, okay, I like how she set up the physical dynamic between Nesta and Cassian cus the sex wasn’t some big romantic climactic build-up like how it was in acomaf like they were being NASTY from the get-go and I respect that drip. Like she did not cap on how porny the smut was and thank God it wasn’t some cliche romantic honeymoon type shit, like it was almost on the ao3 level of smutty goodness. All it was was missing was coarse language and hard kinks but in general, I liked the Nessian smut in this book more than the feyrhys smut in particularly ACOWAR and ACOFAS, like Nessian just do not cap.

Listen... you see that whole part when Nesta was like imagining how awesome it would be to dance Lucifer’s Bachata with Az and Cassian? Yeah, my girl just let her thoughts run wild. Like Nesta makes Feyre look naïve. Like you know how Tumblr porn in 2016 used to be with the aesthetic type shit? That’s Feyre, but Nesta is like on Pornhub level and it’s so fitting I was YELLIN lowkey. I feel like less importance was placed on how meaningful the sex and shit should be in the book and I respect that.

YOU SEE WHEN NESTA TOLD FEYRE ABOUT THE BABY!!! I WAS CHEERING HER ON. No cause they were being so nasty to Nesta especially Amren and then Feyre entered with all of her moralising shit like honey you KNOW damn well what you’re doing to Nesta is what you hate being done to you. Like damn right tell her, cus I could not STAND the double standard.

The whole training the women thing was a nice touch. It was kinda corny but also sweet. That being said, I laughed so hard when I realized how this entire book was Nesta’s quarter-life hippie rebirth where she learns to meditate and work out and read romance books and face her inner demons like this is some real New York college shit. All that was missing was a Starbucks.

Cassian. Man I love this man so much. No like he displayed peak dilf behavior. I think his attractiveness isn’t based on his bravery or his hotness but his humility man. Like he’s not a thot, he’s respectful, yet tough, yet contemplative. He’s contented with his life station yet wants to always be a better person yet is such a strong rock who really loves Nesta not despite her flaws but because they are part of her. I love the way he stood up to Rhys a lot, he didn’t shame her when she was awful to him, and he is protective (annoyingly so sometimes) but he really wanted her to empower herself. Their relationship isn’t perfect (I’m not in the mood to dissect the problematic aspects rn) but they were so sweet together and I didn’t expect to like them as much as I did back when they were lowkey a thing in ACOMAF.

The mates thing didn’t bother me cus I saw this shit coming since 2016. Yes, it’s cliche and annoying but the mates status also, like, has no meaning to me so it is what it is. Didn’t think they NEEDED to be mates but I was happy that them being mates wasn’t the core of the novel and it was secondary to Nesta’s individual healing journey.

Prepare for me to get sappy but another reason why I loved this novel was because it was a story of healing. :( :( :( The road to healing and growth in the emotional sense is always beautiful to me despite how flawed it often is when SJM writes it. I just felt really immersed in the emotional woes and eventual growth of Nesta despite my issues with the book and this is perhaps one of the main reasons that I found it beautiful, because healing as a theme is always beautiful and raw.

More of Nessian but like their relationship feels so real and raw too. No, cus like, it wasn’t tinged in as much fictitious idealism as feyrhys’ relationship was. They weren’t all stupidly in love and seeing each other in the universe and shit, like they just made each other happy and weren’t portrayed as the perfect soulmates who were each other’s yin and yang and whatever thank the LORD. Them having each other’s back was enough and ughhhh Cassian was just so sweet and such a good trainer and so aloof yet passionate like I been waiting to see more of him since ACOMAF so yayyy.

Okay... that scene where Rhys kneels to Nesta and she embraces him. yes. YES YES YES YES YES that shit was the shit that made my year like I want this man to be in her debt for the end of time like this hoe saved yall like big strong high lord better bow to the “witch” like I could hear angelic choirs at that scene like Rhys doesn’t just yield to people so easily so like, it was just kinda epic okay. Little bitchass Rhys with his perfect little river house and emo boi clothes stfu hoe.

No cus I love how Nesta told Cassian she didn’t wanna hear about Feyre’s special journey or Rhys’s special journey or Mor’s like I got fed up of people acting like they epitomized “good” and the “good path” to self-discovery when they can choke on a baguette as far as I am concerned.

*shit no one except me probs cares about*

Eris. So here is the thing. Since 2015 in ACOTAR when Eris was Under the Mountain being all red-headed and cunning and sexy and evil I have been obsessed with him... well, the idea of him I had in my head and how delectably abhorrent he seems (I like villains and side-characters okay). Maybe it was just his name (Eris is a hot name shut up) or the idea of a rich, cunning fox-faced prince in the same universe appealed to me. Either way, I actually never expected by favorite cameo-character to become... important. I’ll die on the hill of loving him. Here is the thing... I don’t want him to be good, in the same way I did not want Rhys to be a good guy in ACOTAR either. I don’t need him to be a secret angel, I don’t need him to be sweet and good like Rhys always was apparently. Honestly, I want him corrupt but likeable and pertinent to the story. That being said, I really want him as the main character for one of the upcoming novels sooo bad like please PLEASE let me see the autumn court and it’s two-facedness please like if not Eris then Lucien as the main character please.

Lucien... aka my fave character since the first book man. Mannn, SJM does homeboy so dirty like I have always loved Russian fables and hence, I am so ready for Lucien x Vassa x Jurian in the Vasilisa retelling with the firebird trope and Koshei. NO CUS in 2018 I was finna write a 100k word fic about this but then I forgot about it no cap, I still have the story plan in my Onenote actually but let us not reminisce. See, my ao3-loving ass wants an angsty poly relationship and also a hot Koshei I have been waiting YEARS for this you hoes, ever since Elain got the premonition of Vassa as a firebird in ACOWAR like God please please please give it to me and make it feyrhys-less as well yasss.

I lowkey wanna suspect Eris is gay and Mor, also gay, knows and that’s why she lowkey kinda tolerates him now. Yet, I cannot be sure and yeah I just wanna say that I kinda want that arc lmfaooo (my ao3-self is showing shut up).

No cus I was TEASED by only seeing a glimpse of Vassa and Jurian but THEY SHALL HAVE THEIR TIME I KNOW IT.

Tamlin living as a beast is so interesting to me. He’s a side-character now but ughhhh he was so mystical and interesting as our good ole Beauty and the Beast beastie like it’s sooooo mysterious and alluring how he’s becoming his own villainous legend like I still care about Tamlin’s blond ass self despite everything. 

Give us the snowball fight scene you coward.

I just gotta say Nessian could outsmut Feyrhys any day and that makes me proud.

FRICKING AZRIEL like first of all Mor doesn’t NEED to come out until she’s ready but she gotta let the man down nicely some other way so he can move on. I do not like Elain. Never did. I still do not. I do not, frankly, want a whole novel where she and Azriel fall in love and she rejects Lucien like... okay, I DO want her to reject Lucien so he can be with Vassa at the very least but also I am not interested in Elain’s POV rn. BUT I WANT AZ’S POV AND LIKE WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I WANT MY EMO BOI TO BE HAPPY. This is so frustrating cus Az is a walking DILF right and so, what am I supposed to do now.

I kinda miss the Spring Court just a little. It’s pretty shut up. It got that Zuhair Murad fashion too. 

Umm like, what the hell is up with that business with Helion being Lucien’s dad? We need more on this which is why I want a Lucien POV book goddammit.

Yoooooooo yall remember that bitch from ACOWAR who hybern was finna kill and she had a name and everything and then there was some foreshadowing and shit? What’s up with her? Like I can’t even remember her name lowkey but yeah what’s up with that. Was it something like Briar or Briannon or somthing???

Is Mor getting a book? Like deadass I need the Lucien and Vassa book, I need the Eris book, I need the Mor book and I need the Azriel book. Damn. Been waiting 6 years for some of this shit.

Okay that is all for now. Yes, this book has problematic elements at every level but I still loved it yet also hated some things about it. I won’t read House of Blood and Earth nor will I finish the TOG series but I guess I’ll stick with this series which remains near and dear to my soul despite what people gotta say about it. It made me happy and that’s what matters. Nesta is a huge ass inspiration to me as a character and I still wanna see her make the Inner Circle’s life a living hell uwu. I admittedly got HELLA emotional reading this story because it’s nonetheless super meaningful to me even at age 19 and it’s really powerful for me as a comfort book, and I look forward (a little) to what this woman put out next... sort of.

Signing off! Don’t @ me (okay you CAN @ me but idc).

[swearwolf-writes]

Teen Wolf 2020

it’s 2020 and corona is a bitch :) the wolves might not be able to get sick but they still wear their masks bcs they could still be carriers so *clears throat* WEAR YOUR MASKS Y’ALL!! this is very much a no one dies/everybody lives au :)

[CROSSPOSTED ON: AO3]

Scott McCall - age 26

this cute nerd. he studied veterinary medicine which takes about 4 years so he graduated in 2017 and works as Deaton’s partner at the Beacon Hills Animal Clinic. he’s dating Isaac (bcs he came back from France with Argent, remember) and Kira (she came back from the Skinwalkers in 2019 and has a proper grasp on her powers). sorry scalia shippers but it’s not really my thing-

Stiles Stilinski - age 26

NERD. anywho- FBI dork became an agent in 2019 whoo and lives in DC with Lydia, Derek and Braeden. he’s dating Lydia and Derek and things are pretty chill - he yells at arseholes who refuse to wear their masks bcs ‘it’s uncomfortable :(’ like bite me karen no one cares

Derek Hale - age 32

grumpy sourwolf actually knows how to smile!! who knew- he lives in DC with Stiles, Lydia and Braeden most of the time but he and Braeden travel often to fight butthead hunters who need to mind their own business. he’s dating Stiles and he and Braeden are engaged - it’s cute and they’re being dorks about it. he likes to complain that they’d be married by now if it wasn’t for freakin covid

Lydia Martin - age 26

your local genius banshee~ 🥰 still awesome, still a harbinger of death - so yk, the usual. bcs she had extra credits she started as a junior studying maths and graduates in 2016!! 🎉🎉 she moved to DC after she got some money together while working as a tutor - the quartet splits rent (but usually it’s just Stiles and Lydia splitting it bcs the other two don’t technically have jobs and yk Derek is an unsub and Stiles is in the FBI which Lydia finds hilarious). she teaches adults in the local community college and helps supernatural folk on the dl - she runs a grief counselling service at the same place for people who’ve lost someone. she’s also trying to get a degree to become a high school maths teacher and it’s a lot but she’s got it handled.

Allison Argent - 24

accidentally brought back from the dead by the Dread Doctors. everyone could not stop crying bcs she’s back baby!! she died in 2011 age 17 and came back in 2012 so she wasn’t dead long thankfully - wanted to kill Theo bcs he messed with her pack even he did bring her back. she’s a chimera now lads- she needed a kidney transplant when she was young which was why she was kept away from the family business. she was a werewolf-werejaguar chimera like Hayden but stayed a chimera. Chris and Isaac stayed home and bcs she and Isaac never actually broke up, they kept dating - she found it funny that Isaac and Scott were dating at this point,, meanwhile they were panicking wildly :) she went back to school and said she wasn’t dead, just in the hospital for a really long time. she joined Liam’s year and again, wanted to very badly throw hands when she found out about Monroe- she’s the coolest, like she has claws and bow and arrows

Malia Tate - 26

our girl went to France as promised and hooked up with plenty of hot French people *le eyebrow wiggle* she found her beau there in France and it was not a love at first sight sort of thing - she wanted to punch them in the face,, in their very pretty face- she was basically doing her own thing when she smells them, another bloody werewolf and like don’t get me wrong, she’s fond of werewolves, but bloody hell do they cause trouble. and they smell her too and it’s like ‘eh-?’ bcs werecoyotes aren’t so common as werewolves. and they’re just there in a club in Bordeaux and they’re sniffed each other out and they kinda just pause like huh- bcs they were were not expecting to see someone that pretty- but that’s not the point of course- they pretend to leave together and as soon as they’re out of sight from humans, they start fighting in an alley, as you do. it ends up with the wolf tasting the wall bcs who the hell are you- once they figure out they’re both just there to party, things chill and they see more of each other, naturally, it’s all just a big coincidence and doesn’t mean anything. and then they’re dancing and it doesn’t mean anything. and then they’re sleeping together and it doesn’t mean anything. except it does. and they don’t know when it became normal to cuddle or wake up together or have breakfast together but it just was. and when the cute werewolf (who I still don’t have a name for-) plans on moving to the next place, she comes with. the pack are happy for her and they usually road trip from place to place so when the pack comes to visit in Prague? it’s fun to say the least

Kira Yukimura - age 25

she came back from the Skinwalkers in 2019 and she and Allison became good friends. she kept going with school from home and is dating Scott. her powers are strong and when she sneezes bcs yk pollen or wtv, there’s sparks and it’s hilarious and Scott finds it adorable. she doesn’t really know what she wants to do yet and that’s cool of her

Erica Reyes - age 25

they thought she was dead- think again bitch, she slowed her heart rate down so they couldn’t hear and everyone thought she was dead - when the alpha pack got rid of her body and Allison found it, she told her to tell the others to pretend she was dead bcs of the Alpha pack - they beat the Alpha pack but she and Boyd hid with Satomi’s pack while that went down and helped generally after. she kept going with school and bcs she dipped for a while, ended in Liam’s year and eventually became a nurse in 2017. she works with Melissa McCall and joins for family dinner a lot.

Isaac Lahey - age 25

went to France with Chris Argent but kept going with his studies at Chris’ insistence. was dating dating Scott before he had to leave with Chris but they didn’t actually break up,, it was more ‘i’ll miss you :(’. came back to Beacon Hills when Chris came to help with the deadpool business and stayed bcs of Allison and Scott 💞 his studies were mostly uninterrupted and he studied law, becoming a lawyer in 2020!! so at least one good thing came of this infernal year- he wants to specialise in family law.

Vernon Boyd III - age 26

yea no, Derek didn’t mercy kill him bcs he was fine :) de nile ain’t just a river lads he went into hiding with Satomi’s pack and came back when the Alpha pack was dealt with. went back to school and ended up in Liam’s year. he joined the air force when he was 18 and finished his rotc training stuff in 2018 and it’s pretty alright - he’s a pilot but was discharged in 2019 bcs someone started with him and bcs they were a superior, he couldn’t say shit. so now he likes to wear ‘fuck the army’ and ‘fuck the air force’ shirt. he has mad respect for the people out there but the people in charge? fuck em

Aiden Steiner - age 27

he lives bitches 😎 Ethan had a silver chain on so he plugged the wound with it - it counteracted the oni poison and the chain started melting into the would (he had mild silver poisoning but he was fine). school was normal and now he’s an engineer, living in Beacon Hills. he and Ethan left for London for a while bcs that town was crazy af. while Ethan was very happy there, he missed home so went back. he got an online ordination and learnt Japanese bcs why not

Ethan Steiner-Whittemore - age 27

got married!! whoo 🎉🎉 Aiden officiated (this is 2018 btw) and it was cute. the whole pack was there and the wedding was in London bcs as quaint as Beacon Hills is 

‘i’m only planning on getting married once so this is gonna be awesome’ - Jackson Whittemore, 2017

he’s dramatic but yk Ethan was a blushing mess bcs ~life partners~ he’s soft y’all. he’s a primary school teacher in London and they’re part of the South London pack.

Jackson Steiner-Whittemore - age 25

also got married!! whoo 🎉🎉 ngl he’s lowkey a trophey husband/sugar hubby bcs he’s rich af - he does business with his dad but it’s not a big workload. he and Aiden want to adopt and yk being rich will hopefully help

Theo Raeken - age 25

ah yes, the absolute nightmare bi enby returns. (i hc him with he/they pronouns ✌🏽 as you do) so he successfully gained Scott’s trust and is part of the pack - yay! he and Allison have a sort of ‘you’re a bitch’ ‘no u’ *saves each others lives* relationship at this point - it took a while for Allison to warm up to him but he did save Liam’s butt several times so,, anywho, he’s still a werewolf-werecoyote chimera and he’s cool with it. he went to an online school and got his high school diploma - Liam then snuck him into the school and he signed the bookshelf bcs yea he didn’t graduate there but he did go there and now he’s graduated so yay. speaking of, he and Liam are dating, yea ik we been knew. they started dating in 2014 and Theo now works waiting tables at a local restaurants bcs he lives with Liam and his parents (you best bet that when they found out he was living in his car, they made him move in so he pays rent, not at their request but his). that was till 2017 and they moved out into an apartment together. Theo chips in on rent but it usually ends up being split 60:40 (Liam: Theo) so he cooks and cleans a lot,,, mainly bcs Liam can’t cook and does laundry like a maniac-

Liam Dunbar - age 24

this werepup is just as chaotic as always - he cannot be trusted with laundry bcs he doesn’t split colours from whites :) honestly it makes me wanna cry a lil bcs he can’t even fry eggs either- he has Theo to cook for him tho so that’s all good. he’s a history tutor for the high school students bcs he likes history and he knows the pain of high school- *shudder* he got an online Spanish and TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) degree and is now teaching at Beacon Hills High but yk his first year teaching is all online bcs 2020-

Mason Hewitt - age 23

he’s Emissary to the pack when they don’t have Deaton *wipes tear* he’s all grown up- he went to UCLA and majored in biophysics and minored in LGBTQ studies (graduated 2017). he lived on campus (kept the bat next to his bed lmao) and videochatted with Liam almost everyday - he would visit almost every weekend even tho it’s a 6 and half drive but hey. he got an apartment near the uni where he and Corey lived after he graduated. they’ve been engaged since 2018 (it was actually the day after the Steiner-Whittemore wedding). he’s helping work on a new drug delivery system and they moved closer to Beacon Hills (Sacramento)

Corey Bryant - age 24

he also went UCLA, studying comparative literature and LGBTQ studies, and lived on campus (for 3 years before moving in with Mason in 2017) before graduating in 2018. they’re engaged and moved to Sacramento. he’s writing a novel that will thankfully have nothing to do with their confusing ass lives

Cora Hale - age 28

lesbian queen *bows* still part of her pack in Ecuador, South America - she’s got a lady lover who I call Rosa (affectionately nicknamed Rosalita). they met when she first got there age 12 (Rosa being 13 at the time). Rosa taught her Spanish  and made her feel like part of the pack - after all the Alpha pack stuff, when she went back with Derek and Peter, she didn’t realise how much she’d missed them- how much she’d missed her. Derek asks if that’s her girlfriend and she’s like ‘wha- o.o’ and Rosa just goes ‘yup - nice to finally meet you guys’. she still visits DC to see Derek and Beacon Hills to see Erica and Isaac. even tho she lives in a different continent, Peter still looks out for her, sending anonymous donations in Talia’s name to the areas surrounding her pack’s territory

Brett Talbot - 24

*singsongs* ~he did not die~ the car swerved out of the way and the pack took him to Deaton who burnt the poison out of him (it was a long and painful process but he’s fine y’all). he’s the new lacrosse coach at Devenford Prep and he and Liam have a (mostly) friendly rivalry :) he’s a single pringle not bcs of lack of dates but just bcs he hasn’t found the one yet

Lorilee Rohr - age 22

also did not die :) she finished high school (2015) and went on to studying at UC Berkeley (art practice and theatre and performance studies, major and minor), graduating in 2018. she and Brett moved once he reached age 18. she makes and sells art from home

Nolan Holloway - age 25

after proving himself, same as Theo, he was eventually accepted into the pack. he and Gabe were dating and that’s that so he did mourn him for a long while. he works with hunters on the dl, trying to stop them hunting the supernaturals - he’s flipped 23 away from the dark side by 2020. he and Liam are friends which took a while but Nolan has his back (like there was that one time someone from the lacrosse team said they weren’t gonna ‘follow some mongrel’ so he reminded them that Liam was co-captain and if they didn’t wanna follow him, they could kindly fuck off :)) he’s a simp and has a raging crush on Brett like me too bruh

~the end~ for now