#the last tour got me so good and this is entirely a me problem feeling like a shrug

[overbearingstruggles]

It's so dumb dumb stupid but the more I dwell on the Troubadour show the more I'm like, damn that really was nothing more than what Alex kept repeating: a warmup show for Red Rocks lol. I want to see my favorite band play a bunch of songs for almost 2 hours and I want to hear deep cuts and interesting little mashups and seeing that in a 500 cap room should be so sick but. It felt like a stamina practice. It didn't feel like a show for us there. And idk. Great for another big important show at a big important venue, that's cool as hell and everyone is going to have an amazing time. But there was something underwhelming about this underplay that left me feeling dismissed because it wasn't the big show.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 2.1

Cynthia and John are worse and crazier for admitting what they admitted in the bio. But Jane and Paul are not exempt.

Will forever love this pic of Paul and Julian. He does not look like the fun uncle. He looks tired and dependable. Just stepped out of the womb as a father, didn't he? The sperm that fertilized his egg probably passed some fatherly advice and hair tussles to the other sperm as it passed them. 

They should've bought the fucking island.

They never look more like a couple than when the women they're actually dating are right next to them. 

The India footage actually looks so beautiful. Obviously it's a beautiful place, but they all genuinely look so free and at peace there. It really could've been so good for them. Getting enlightened, getting soberish, growing closer as a band, taking a much-needed rest. It should've been good. 

The music choices in this documentary! The drastic shift from, “all you need is love” and “the dream I had was true” and “I don't need much to set me free.” to Paul leaving to “yes I'm lonely. Wanna die.” “I'm going insane.” “Look at me. Who am I supposed to be?” 8d8 psychic damage. And the thing is it's real. John really did flip a switch, just like that.

Smashing my head into a wall. It's the same as Yoko's quote about how ‘nobody hurt John more than Paul.’ Really Pete? Worse than after his mum died? Really Yoko? More than that drunk cop? Paul, what the fuck did you do to him in India, seriously, because at this point in the doc I can't accept the theory that it was just some lack of communication, I just can't. 

It's also telling to me that when John's losing it, everyone's solution is some time alone with Paul. Nobody panic. Paul can fix him. Little do they know Paul's the one that broke him. Or maybe they do know and that's only another reason they know Paul's the only man for the job?

Old-fashioned ad voice: You liked Protective Jesus Scandal Paul? You'll love Protective LSD Scandal John! Really. Before the question is even out, he's making fun of it. I think he cuts off the interviewer at least three times with jokes before he can get the sentence out, and by the time he is, Paul's giggling too hard to feel bad about his little PR fuck-up.

Then he lets Paul talk a bit before jumping back in, this time with his Hard Man suit on. It's just so good. A testament to their unconditional love, really. Because, clearly, Paul's just hurt John pretty bad. And yet, here John is. Using every trick he's got to defend his friend. 

But actually, though John is supposedly the one everyone's worried about, Paul's doing a pretty shit job of being the “stable” one. This entire press tour he's either fucking blazed and laughing at everything or disassociated and not contributing.

(((except during that political discussion – again! Paul secretly has actual thoughts on actual things?!)))

But for the most part, John's absolutely holding down the fort. I wonder if this is another case of everyone – all their friends and business associates, just like we as a fandom still do now – assuming John is the problem child, and Paul's the strong one, but actually they're both both. 

Back to the political interview. They're just so in sync. Finishing each other's sentences when you're talking about the weather or your shared work is one thing. Finishing each other's sentences on complex topics like why poor whites often vote bigots in or the cause of rampant misinformation is quite another. 

“Letting his dad cut his hair at sixteen, seventeen.” You all know that John hates Jim quote. 

John: so there's war, and vegetables. There's relativity and absolute.  Paul (absolutely smitten): that's great Johnny. Int: that's rather hard for people to interpret. John: well if they can't interpret it now, maybe they will later..... 1. John really was extremely intelligent. 2. That last statement sums up Beatles historiography.

Paul really just Won't be alone with John, will he? Well, two can play at that game, Paul, and John's going to win, let me tell you. 

But he's going to do one last panic grab for attention first.

I really do think if John had done something like that *before* Paul would've given him that attention. Told him he's being insane and taken him home to splash some cold water on him or something and then given him whatever softness Paul was capable of. But not anymore. 

I wonder if Paul could go back to 1966 if he just wouldn't have taken John to that Indica show where he met Yoko. If he would've just said “okay John, sure, let's just stay home and trip on the couch tonight.” I don't know.

Anyway, Yoko gets an A+ for persistence. Imagine being Paul, George, or Ringo, though, and John is suddenly madly in love with this woman whose been begging you all (and then him specifically) for a platform for over a year? It would be weird to say the least. 

John: don't you hate me? I'm crazy, you know. Paul: no I don't hate you. John: aren't you pissed at me now, Paul? Even a little bit? Paul: I'm very proud of you. It's the unstoppable force (“Don't ‘nore me, Mimi!”) vs the immovable object (“I learned to put a shell around me”.) Someone get them some professional help before they nuke the whole world. 

“There is, however, a desire to get power in order to use it for good.” One of those quotes that just really lets you see a person, you know? Benevolent dictator Paul. 

Yoko, why are you talking about how bad your boy doesn't want to fuck you right in front of all his closest friends and on record for posterity? If you have to be talking about your sex life, shouldn't you be lying about how insanely horny he is for you? Oh, right, she will think of that, just not yet. 

And then she waxes poetic about how turned on John is when he's working on music with Paul. Cool. Smart. Thanks for that, though, genuinely.

And Then (gosh, Yoko is such an asset to Beatles history when she's not actively spreading misinformation. Everyone give her a hand) she goes on about how Paul goes out of his way to make her feel respected and even valued. Compare that to John and Linda, anyone? And I want to be clear, I'm not saying this means John cares too much and Paul doesn't care at all, which might be the surface read. I just think John's reaction was to scream in everyone's face that he was in pain and Paul's was to insist ad nauseam that he was fine. You know?

[justfandomwritings]

An essay on why I won’t be watching next season.

1. Obviously actors have to promote their shows and hype them up. But the interactions between Nicola and Luke during the press tour were, in retrospect, clearly also acting performances, and it is rare to see acting within the press tour to the degree that those two put on while grossly exaggerating things like how sexy this season would be or how much Polin we would get. I don’t blame them. It’s clearly what they were told to do. And it’s fine to hype a show, but I think a lot of people felt genuinely lied to with the WAY this season was hyped.

2. The casting has been color conscious and inclusive in a way I greatly admire. But they have not been inclusive in other ways. And that’s not to say they should have to be. One show shouldn’t bear the responsibility of being inclusive to everyone and making up for an industries worth of exclusion. But we have exactly one size inclusive character in this whole show, and I’m not even demanding more, but to butcher the season of the only size inclusive person in this show this badly and in these ways sends me a clear message of what the writers thought they could get away with with a curvy actress and how they saw her.

3. The wait times for this season and next season are just too long. The hype dies down too much between seasons such that we care less and less each time we get a new one, especially when you only give eight episodes, regardless of their length. You know who also gave us a season in 2022 and then an eight episode season this year? house of the dragon. And they have to CGI a fuck ton of dragons. Yall were sitting on this season being done filming for over a year and for what? What did you do in post? A bee? And then to have the audacity to do it in two parts? Fuck off.

4. Add to that. The costumes and new sets looked so much cheaper this season than previous seasons. Where did the budget go.

5. The plot is too crowded. Maybe you thought a curvy girl couldn’t carry a season. Maybe it was bad writing. Obviously you needed Cressida and Eloise to have decent amounts of screen time but you also did half of Francesca’s story and set one up for Violet and Benedict that collectively took the majority of the screen time and left us with very little Pen and Colin. Which was a disservice you never gave Anthony or Daphne’s seasons and was why they were good. We got enough crumbs of the others to tell us what was happening but not enough to make them feel like main characters or to make it feel like an ensemble show. There were leads in season 1 and 2. This season it was an ensemble with too many moving parts. But everyone’s said that. It’s not surprising.

6. My biggest problem is the tone. The blame. Admittedly I’m a woman who relates strongly to Penelope so I’m not impartial here. But for a character who spends her entire life being abused by every single person in this show, who is pushed to her absolute breaking point before finally giving her mother and the tonne a taste of their own medicine. For that character to receive no grace, no understanding, no respect, for the vast majority of the season hurt. To not only have zero understanding of her situation but to frame the entire plot of the show around the fact that SHE alone should be sorry. To have minimal to no groveling from Colin over what he said last season, to have no acknowledgment of how he treated her as a safety net, to humanize Cressida who made her life hell with minimal acknowledgment of that fact, to have Eloise get ONE comment from Cressida of all people about her friendship with Penelope but no real reflection from Eloise or acknowledgment on her part or apologies for what a truly SHIT friend she was for DECADES. That hurt. Because the message is that sure, they can push you to your fucking limit, you can break after years of being bullied for your weight and your looks and your status. Your own mother and sisters hands can be filthy with insults and abuse. Your friends can treat you like utter garbage for years. They can befriend your bullies. Your soon to be husband can, very recently, insult you to his friends behind your back. But you owe them the apology for breaking after years of abuse. It’s not that the tonne couldn’t be angry or that they all should’ve fallen at Pen’s feet. It’s that those arguments never happen at all because once again, just like when she was being used and abused by everyone, everything was put on Penelope. And the cycle continues.

7. Colin should’ve groveled more. I know I said that in the previous point but it really ruined things for me so I want to emphasize it. I wanted that man on his knees the whole season, and I should’ve known I wasn’t gonna get that when y’all dropped the list of songs and there wasn’t any of the A List Yearners on the list. But I’m still mad.

8. Actually that’s a good point. Did anyone else think the songs didn’t go as hard this year? Except Pitbull were we excited about any of them?

9. You did the Pride and Prejudice ballroom trick with the dancing alone thing and you didn’t nail it. If you’re gonna do that trick it has to fucking HIT. (And it has to be enemies to lovers.) And you did it half assed. You should be ashamed.

10. There was a two second window there when Cressida asked the maid for help where I thought they were gonna swap lives and the maid would go with her aunt and Cressida would become a maid and I was like “holy fuck is Cressida gonna become Bennys love interest?” and that would’ve been better than what y’all did I think. And it would’ve justified her excessive screen time.

11. I love gender swapping Michaela and making Francesca bi. We love it. But why was Francesca immediately interested. Once again the writers don’t understand pining. Michaela is PINING for Francesca and can do nothing but love her from afar. Francesca loved John completely and whole heartedly. Michaela was a beautiful love story for her but was also a second chance. She loved John completely. She would never have an emotional affair on him. How did you immediately ruin such a beautiful second chance romance?

12. Where was Pen’s friendship with Anthony or Lady Danbury? Why wasn’t Colin proud of Pen the way he was in the book? To make her even more alone? To emphasize that she was alone and at fault and helpless? Fuck off.

I just don’t have it in me to watch this show deteriorate further.

[storiesforallfandoms]

sleepy head ~ harry styles

word count: 1467

request?: yes!

“Hey! I request for the first time so I don't really know how much descriptive I have to be so yeah sorry if something's wrong,could I maybe request a Harry styles X reader where the reader has a bad habit of sleeping almost the whole day and when Harry wakes her up late in the afternoon she realizes that she missed yet another day with him and he comforts her beacuse she feels sad and guilty?(I hope this is understandable bc it's kind a problem of mine) thank you ♥️”

description: in which she struggles with staying awake and it makes her feel bad because she misses so much time with her boyfriend

pairing: harry styles x female!reader

warnings: rpf, more like a blurb than an imagine but...y’know

masterlist (one, two, three)

You had no idea what it was that made you so sleepy all the time. You had gone to the doctor and had your thyroid levels and your iron checked, both of which came back fine. You had taken melatonin to try and sleep through an entire night. You even tried drinking coffee and energy drinks to get you through the day. So far, nothing really worked. You were still perpetually tired.

If you had work or any plans that meant you had to leave the house, you were usually awake enough to partake. But the minute you were home, your bed would be beckoning for you, and it was nearly impossible for you to resist.

It was something you already had a lot of issues with, and you were trying to work on it, but it especially became a problem when you started dating Harry.

Harry would never say it bothered him. He was adamant whenever it was brought up that he wasn’t bothered by how often you slept. You, however, were very bothered and felt incredibly bad whenever you slept in late, or when slept your entire day away. You had such little time with him since he was always so busy, and you didn’t want to lose that time by sleeping all day.

On one of the last days before Harry had to leave for tour, the two of you had planned to spend the whole day together. You set an alarm for early that morning so you could get up and fight off the sleep you were sure would try and convince you to stay in bed.

The second the alarm went off, you got out of bed and got ready. You got dressed, made a cup of coffee, washed your face with cold water to wake yourself up more, and made breakfast. You texted Harry to say good morning and to ask when he wanted to start your day together. You were almost finished eating when you got his response: “good morning, love. i’m not long awake, so it’ll probably be an hour or two before i’m ready if that’s okay.”

“of course! see you then ❤️”

Now you just had to stay awake for maybe two hours.

You washed the dishes, even dried them and put them away. You finished your first cup of coffee and put on the kettle for another. While the water was boiling, you went to brush your teeth and splashed your face with cold water again. You paced the kitchen as you waited for your coffee to cool down enough to drink. You couldn’t let yourself sit down. You knew the moment you did, you would risk being hit my fatigue and falling asleep.

You looked at the time on your clock and realized only 30 minutes had passed since Harry had texted you. He hadn’t sent another message yet to say he was ready. You groaned as you pocketed your phone again.

“I’ve had two cups of coffee,” you said to yourself. “That should be good enough to keep me awake.”

So, you moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. You sat as straight as possible, not even allowing yourself to lean on the arm rest or to slouch. You opened TikTok on your phone and started the mindless scrolling. You figured that would be the best way to pass the time. It was easy to fall down a TikTok rabbit hole and lose an hour or more.

Eventually, your back started to hurt from the unnatural way you were sitting. You allowed yourself to lean against the arm rest. But then the leaning turned into laying down. You were on your side with your phone in your hand, TikTok still open. Your eyes were growing heavy, but you fought against them. It wouldn’t be much longer till Harry was ready. You had to stay awake.

But it was a losing battle, and soon enough, your eyes were closed and you were sound asleep.

~~~~~~

You jumped awake at the feeling of someone’s hand touching your arm. You quickly sat up, the post sleep confusion still clinging to you.

“Hey, it’s okay It’s just me.”

You blinked your blurry eyes a few times until you focused on the familiar face of your boyfriend.

You smiled, sheepishly. “Hey. Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s alright. It took me a little longer to get ready than I expected.”

You stretched your arms over your head. “What time is it?”

“Um...almost 4?”

“What?!”

Your phone was on the floor, probably having fallen when you fell asleep. You picked it up to check the time to see he was right, it was almost 4pm. You also saw you had a number of texts and missed calls from Harry.

“I texted you a few times to let you know I was ready whenever you were,” he was explaining. “When you didn’t answer, I called a few times. I figured you were asleep, so I waited a while before coming over, to let you sleep.”

“How long was a while?” you asked.

When Harry didn’t respond, it was all the answer you needed.

Tears started to well up in your eyes as you buried your head in your hands. You couldn’t believe you let it happen again. You tried so hard not to fall asleep so you could spend Harry’s last day with him, and yet you still fell victim to your fatigue.

Harry gently took your hands and lowered them from your face. You refused to look up at him, keeping your eyes on the floor instead.

“Love, I’m not upset that you fell asleep,” he assured you.

“I’m upset,” you said. “I tried everything to stay awake. I knew that if I laid down I would end up falling asleep, and I still did it. I wasted our whole day.”

“Hey.” Harry cupped your face so you’d look at him. You weren’t able to hold back your tears anymore, so they were just running down your cheeks as you looked at him. “You can’t help that this happened.”

“I could’ve,” you said. “If I hadn’t let myself lay down I would’ve stayed awake. I should’ve found more chores to do around the place before you came, or something to keep me busy. But I shouldn’t have to do that! If there wasn’t something wrong with me, I’d be able to stay awake like a normal person.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

You gave him a look. “Yes there is, Harry. You’re always so nice when this happens, but I really wish you wouldn’t be. I wish you’d just tell me how you really feel about it, because I know it annoys you.”

He raised an eyebrow at you. “When have I ever made it seem like I was annoyed?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He was right, you technically had no evidence to support your claim that he was annoyed with you. He had been nothing but kind and patient every time you had missed plans or fallen asleep while you were both together.

“You can’t help that you’re tired so much,” he continued. “You told me about it when we went out on our first date, it’s not like it’s something that is new and came out of nowhere. And you’ve tried to deal with it, but it’s just how you are. I’m not going to be mad at you for the way you are.”

You sniffled as new tears started to form in your eyes. “But...today was our last day together before you leave, and I slept through it.”

“Last I checked, it’s only 4pm. There’s still plenty of time to do things before I have to go to bed. What do you say we grab some take away and watch a movie here?”

You wiped your cheeks and nodded. “I’d like that. And you promise to wake me if I fall asleep on your lap?”

“I don’t know. You’re adorable when you sleep.”

You playfully pushed him. “I’m serious. I already lost most of my day with you. I don’t want to lose anymore time.”

He pulled you close and kissed your forehead. “I promise I’ll wake you if you fall asleep, love.”

You smiled and kissed his lips. “I love you, and I really appreciate the fact that you put up with my sleepy-ness.”

“I’m not ‘putting up’ with anything, because I love you, too.”

He stood from the couch and pulled you with him. You followed him to his car, where the two of you went off to spend your evening together. And you made sure not to fall asleep until the both of you were tucked away in bed that night.

[heygerald]

Falling Without A Harness - Chapter 3

AU where Tom Ryder is still an asshole, just not a psychotic asshole. After their moment at the wrap party, Tom shows up at Parker's bookstore. How is it possible someone can be such an asshole when asking for a favor?

read the story here: prev / next

Two weeks later finds the weather outside shifting with the first hint of autumn; cooler temperatures in the morning greet Parker when she walks to work, and the coffee shop next door has started advertising their new fall drinks of pumpkin spice and cinnamon tea. She's seen her brother every day since the wrap party—partly because he always makes a point of taking some down time after finishing a movie to recover from his stunts, and partly because her and Jody have become fast friends—but she hasn't seen Tom since their moment in the bathroom.

She suspects that's for the best. The internet is flooded with paparazzi photos of him flouncing around town with models every other day, and she's still trying to forget how natural it felt to laugh with him.

But despite her brother's newly open schedule, and Jody's constant pestering to go spend a day at the beach, Parker finds her bookstore just as empty as always.

There are a few stragglers here and there throughout the day. Sometimes she gets lucky when a tour bus stops for gas and snacks, allowing an ensemble of tacky dressed tourists to flood her street for twenty minutes. On unlucky days, Mr. Chamberlain will stop in to peruse her historical section; but he doesn't have any sort of schedule or income, and those visits consist entirely of him describing last night's CSI episode to Parker before trying to set her up with his grandson. Once he bought a book from her dollar bin. He attempted to return it three days later.

On days like today, Parker is visited by a sixteen-year-old named Melissa who hangs out every so often while her mom attends overpriced Pilates in the studio down the block.

"...and then Peter was all 'no, sorry Mandy, I'm not interested". Like, hello! My name is Melissa and we've lived in the same neighborhood since we were four," said teenager was droning on from her spot atop the upcycled reading chair in the corner. She never failed to impress Parker with how much she could talk—the stories quite literally never stopped coming—while at the same time she managed to read about four books a week. Parker suspected that Melissa's brain represented something like the Rainbow Road in Mario Kart, when the music got a little too fast and the turns were a little too hard to keep up with. "Now, I have no idea what I'm going to do. There's no one else for me to ask since it's three weeks away."

Parker, only half-listening to the story, hummed from her spot two rows back. She had won several boxes of books at a local auction about a month ago and had done a pretty good job at pretending they didn't exist.

Ignoring the problem only lasted so long, however, and this morning she had ended up spilling coffee all over herself when her sneaker caught the edge of the box. Pride—and knees—damaged, she decided to tackle the issue first thing in the morning.

It was now four in the afternoon, and the books were mocking her.

"Can't you just go alone?" she asked.

"Go alone? Are you crazy! That's, like, really sad, Park," Melissa explained. She couldn't see her, but Parker could feel the judgmental look the teen girl was giving her. "Only losers go alone to dances."

"Baby did it."

"Who?"

"Baby. You know? You don't put Baby in a corner? That one."

A tut. "You should really update your references."

"Jesus. Since when did Dirty Dancing become an outdated reference?" she muttered while inspecting the spine of a mystery novel from the 70s. It had definitely seen better days, and when she shifted it, three pages fell out. Parker tossed it into the TRASH box with a sigh. "Is going to a dance with your friends considered outdated too?"

"That's the same thing as going alone," Melissa groaned.

"How? You're literally not alone."

"Because if I go with my friends, that means that I couldn't get anyone that wasn't a friend to agree to go with me. I don't need the whole school thinking that I'm a total loser."

"I went with my friends and had a blast. And I'm not a loser."

There was no response other than silence, and after a few moments Parker realized that if Melissa had nothing to say about the subject, she likely had nothing nice to say.

She cleared her throat before moving onto the next, and final, box hoping that there would be better books in it. So far, her KEEP pile was looking pathetically small compared to what was about to be binned. With a forced change of conversation, she asked, "hey, you grew up here, right?"

"Sure."

"Did you know the Sawyers?"

"Like, Miss Sawyer? Down on Oakcrest?"

"The fancy old house with the bushes shaped like dogs. I bought a bunch of books at her estate sale, and so far, they all suck. I thought she was supposed to be a big collector or something."

The sound of Melissa humming echoed throughout the empty store, and Parker peeked around the bookshelves to spot the girl lying upside down on the chair; Doc Martens stuck up in the air, long ponytail hanging to the ground as she played on her phone.

Parker rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, totally. But she collected those kid's books. Original copies or whatever. Mom said she paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for some rabbit book."

"...Peter Rabbit?"

"I guess," Melissa shrugged. There was a loud smack of gum popping before her voice rang out, "she did a bunch of donations to local art musuems and galleries and stuff. A phila-something—"

"Philanthropist?"

"—and there was some big deal about her donating everything to some charity. Mom was talking about it. Which, like, good for them or whatever but I don't understand how donating an old book is helping solve world hunger."

Parker let her head drop against the beat-up cardboard box in front of her, something despondent and miserable sitting on her chest at the realization that she had wasted time and money on nothing but crap. "Well, I wish I knew that before I went into a bidding war over this garbage. Are the Hardy Boys still cool or is that dated too?"

A judgmental laugh floated back. "Um, their name is pronounced Hemsworth, Park."

"I meant—" she started, before realizing that this was a battle she was never going to win, and even if she wanted to try the musty smell resonating from these boxes of crap had burned through her daily allowance of braincells. Something Melissa didn't seem to worry about as she puffed from her vape pen. "Forget it."

Not so shockingly, Melissa did not, in fact, forget it. Instead, she spent the next ten minutes describing in scary detail each Hemsworth brother, their looks on a scale of one to ten, their best movies, and why Chris was the dreamiest of them all. His hair and eyes were a big selling point, apparently, and as Parker listened to the teenager drone on, she couldn't help but wonder if Chris Hemsworth used box dye too.

So wrapped up in her own world of book sorting, Parker didn't notice when the front door opened with a tinkle of the bell until the shop went eerily quiet. Melissa, it seemed, had finally found a reason to shut up.

"I never liked Chris all that much," Parker said as she slowly gathered the KEEP bin and hefted it off the floor. Her lower back ached at the strain. Jesus, maybe I am old. Moving towards the front counter, she continued musing, "There's something about him in the first Thor movie, when his eyebrows were all bleached, that kind of turned me off. I think there's a word for that, right? The ew or something...."

She spots Melissa first.

The girl is sitting upright in the chair now, face flushed a deep scarlet red with a book held tightly in her lap as she pretends to read through it. Her phone and vape are nowhere to be seen, and she doesn't so much as glance up when Parker strides by.

"What happened to you?" she asks with an amused quirk of the brow. Melissa doesn't respond, and Parker turns to set the heavy box of books on the front counter when she spots the other person in the room. "Oh, sorry. I was in the back. Can I help—?"

It shouldn't surprise her as much as it does, but Parker blinks to find Tom Ryder standing on the other side of the counter staring at her with raised brows.

Tom fucking Ryder.

He looks better than the last time she ran into him. He has a nice tan going underneath a funky pair of yellow sunglasses that are, in her opinion, too big for his face. They look a little absurd with the whitewashed denim jacket he's wearing, but the yellow matches the bedazzled t-shirt he has on underneath, so she suspects it's some sort of fashion statement. Paired with an expensive pair of well-polished boots, it all looks quite absurd standing in the middle of her dilapidated bookstore.

Even more so when Parker realizes she's wearing nothing but a pair of cheap cargo shorts and an oversized Twilight sweatshirt that was covering the coffee-stained shirt underneath. (Team Jacob, always).

"Tom. Um... are you looking for Colt or something?"

In typical Ryder fashion, he ignores her question entirely to do a slow spin; blue eyes tinted by his glasses trailing over everything in sight. She can feel the judgement from across the counter, and when he finally fixes his sights back on her, his smirk is rage inducing. "This is your store. Seriously?"

Parker promptly plants her hands onto her hips with a scathing glare.

"Ok, what do you want?"

"Jesus, no wonder this place is empty," he drawls, a pointed smile tossed towards Melissa's prone form as he leans an elbow onto the counter. At being noticed, the teenager ducks her head behind the spine of her book as if she had just been caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. "Do you talk to all your customers like that?"

"Just the assholes," she retorts. Over Tom's shoulder she catches Melissa's book dropping down two inches, and the girl's face is completely aghast.

What are you doing! she mouths, that's Tom Ryder!

Parker rolls her eyes. As if she didn't know who the blinged-out asshole standing in her store was. Speaking of—he's still standing there smirking at her. "That's you, if I wasn't clear. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Tom snorts. "I think I got that after the fifth time you said it."

"And yet..." she gestures vaguely to him, then to her store.

Because he's never behaved like a normal person, however, Tom doesn't seem to mind the insult or the offhand comment that she didn't want to deal with him. Instead, he smiles while his gaze drifts from judging the bookstore to judging Parker. He gives her a glance over—up, down, lingering on her oversized sweatshirt, before going back up—and finishes with a snort. "If the door hits me, I'm suing for damages, and I doubt you could afford the lawsuit. Let alone a lawyer."

God! What. a. fucking. asshole!

Parker bites back the insult knowing that it won't do any good. They've played this game before, and clearly being called an asshole seemed to have lost some of its bite over the weeks. So instead, she forcefully returns her attention to the cardboard box and slowly starts sorting the books into categories. "Fine. Can you just tell me what you want so I can get back to my life?"

He shifts against the counter and over the mustiness she catches a waft of his cologne when he grabs a book at random from her pile. "Why else do people come to a bookstore? I want a book."

Parker snorts. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Seriously, what do you want?"

There's a moment of silence. She glances up to find him pointedly ignoring her as he flips through the book at random.

"You're... serious?"

He shrugs. "You said you have a bunch of sci-fi books."

"I'm surprised you even remember that given the whole," she sticks a finger into her mouth and mimes throwing up. He doesn't find it funny or cute and responds with a disgusted glare. Parker rolls her eyes with a shake of the head. "It was a—never mind. Why not order off of Amazon? I thought you said you've never even been to a bookstore before?"

This time, it's his turn to roll his eyes. He drops the book with a thwack before turning his attention to the overstuffed bookshelves at her left. At random, he starts ambling towards one. "You should be flattered that I picked your little store to start. Most people would kill to say that you know. Tom Ryder explores rundown bookstore in the shitty side of LA. If you had a picture, the paps would run it in every paper by tomorrow morning," he huffs.

"Yeah, I'll be sure to document this monumental occasion forever," she snarks, but follows after him anyway. His pattern is half-hearted; poking books here and there, glancing for hardly a second, before moving on. "And my store isn't rundown. It just has some... character."

He snorts over his shoulder. "That's what a Mom says when her daughter is ugly."

"Don't you go through PR training or something?" she scoffs as he diverts to a different aisle. "I can't imagine Gail would like to hear that particular opinion if I sold it to TMZ."

"Gail would sue you for everything you own," he laughed while flipping through an old copy of Gone with the Wind. Parker crosses her arms at him with a glare, and in response Tom flashes a too-white smile at her. "She freaked out about the mink rug, by the way. Was screaming and everything. It was hilarious."

Parker's heart stopped in her chest, but when there was no continuation of the joke—haha I can't wait to see you served with papers!—she furrowed her brows at him. "You didn't tell her it was my fault?"

A shrug as he shoved the book against her chest.

She huffed, turning the book over to check for damages, but when he turned his back... well, a part of her did wonder why he would keep that a secret if it was such a big deal. Was it to be nice? Or so he could hold it over her head indefinitely? Then again, if this was his attempt at blackmail, letting it go for two weeks seemed like the wrong way to go about it.

Deciding not to linger on unsolvable riddles, Parker returned the book to the end cap he had found it on and asked, "so, does this mean you've decided to audition for that sci-fi part after all?"

Her question went unanswered as Tom paused in front of the SEX & SEXUALITY section. He pulled a wrinkled copy of Fifty Shades of Grey off the shelf and waggled his brows at her pointedly. "Keeping the good stuff for yourself, huh?"

Parker responded by snagging the book out of his hand and stuffing it back into place. "You break it, you buy it applies here too, Ryder."

"Half this place is broken," he said with a pointed glance at the flickering overhead light. "I still can't believe you own this shithole."

"I happen to love this bookstore—"

"Oh, trust me, I can believe that you would own a bookstore," he said, and while there was nothing insulting about owning a bookstore on its own, the way that Tom spoke made it clear that owning a bookstore was not something he held in high regard. Then again, he spent all his time reading shitty scripts, so what would he know? "I just can't believe that you would own this bookstore. Like, you actually paid money for this place?"

"If you have to know, I used to be friends with the owner, and got a good deal on the property," she started to explain. He raised his brows at her while slowly perusing the RELIGION section, and Parker shook herself. She didn't need to explain anything to him of all people. The reminder helped her find some confidence, and she fluttered her hands at him irritably. "You know what—I don't need to explain myself to you. You've never even been to a bookstore before. What would you know about making sacrifices for something you believed in?"

Tom paused in his search. She saw his jaw clench, and eyes droop towards the creaky wooden floor beneath his shiny boots, and his comment from the other day drifted back to mind.

"You can be a real asshole sometimes, too, he had said.

And while guilt did block her throat up a bit—fucking asshole couldn't even let her defend herself without feeling bad about it—this time he didn't make any such reprimands. Instead, he just shrugged, before diving deeper into the store.

He cleared his throat. "I just expected it be nicer coming from you."

"Does something about me secretly scream rich girl to you?"

Tom harrumphed. "Trust me, no one is mistaking you for rich. Uptight, however..."

"Oh, ha, hilarious, Tom. God! You're such an asshole," she laughed, but it was a mean sound, paired with a mean insult. It failed to have the desired effect, however. In fact, Tom seemed to have shifted from hating the insult to owning it and looked far too amused for her liking. Frustrated, Parker decided the best plan of extermination was a straightforward shot. Through gritted teeth, she asked, "...what kind of sci-fi book do you want?"

The rhinestones on his shoulders sparkled as he shrugged. "I don't know. I need to understand what gets nerds so fucking excited about this shit. Not too nerdy, though. Alright? I'm not trying to be a Trekkie or whatever."

There were so many things wrong with that statement that Parker wasn't sure what to pick first. So, she pinched the bridge of her nose to point out, "I have a feeling the so-called nerds making up your potential fanbase aren't going to appreciate being talked about like that."

"Who's gonna tell them—you?" he asked with a derisive glance over.

It was definitely true what they said about Tom Ryder; his effect on women was instantaneous. Parker just doubted the tabloids were talking about migraines.

"The sci-fi section is on the right," she sighed while pushing past him. It was one of the larger sections she had; it hadn't been a lie to say the books weren't selling all that well despite being her favorite. "What have you read before?"

The blank look he gave her was response enough.

"Ah, right, maybe... Altered Carbon?"

"Isn't that a tv show?"

"Well, yeah, but it was a book first."

He glanced at the book in her hand, but clearly wasn't impressed. Leaning on the shelf, he said, "why the hell would I read that if I could just watch it?"

"Sound logic," she tutted with a narrow eyed look. Parker returned the book with an eyeroll. "Fahrenheit 451?"

"Read it in high school. Not impressed."

She trailed the shelf while muttering, listing books in her head before subconsciously crossing them off the list of something he was likely to read and enjoy. "I guess that means you wouldn't like The Illustrated Man or The Martian Chronicles," she said to herself.

His arm brushed her aside to pluck out a familiar novel. "Nerds love this," he said while already flipping through the pages. She was surprised the size didn't scare him off immediately.

"Nu-uh. No way," she shook her head.

"What?"

"Dune is not a starter book."

He furrowed his brows crossly. "You don't think I'm smart enough to read this shit or something?"

You shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answers to, her mother's voice echoed in the back of her head.

"Reading Dune as your first sci-fi book is like jumping straight into the deep end," she told him in a much more diplomatic approach. "If a sixteen year old wants to start drinking, you don't give him scotch, you give him a fruity cocktail."

Tom huffed; first through his nose and then through his mouth but stuffed the book back onto the shelf anyway. To which Parker then had to put it back on the correct shelf with a huff of her own.

"Don't be a baby and just trust me that Dune isn't a starter book. Okay?"

"Well—what is? You're supposed to be the expert here."

"If you weren't so picky it would be a lot easier..." she deadpanned but returned to her search anyway. Tom didn't seem to like waiting, and scowled at her as she shifted past him. She ignored him as best she could while squatting down to the lower shelves. "Arthur C. Clarke is one of the best sci-fi writers. He established a lot of rules that still exist in writing today. And films."

Parker pulled one of his novels, before moving towards Asimov, and then finally to Sagan. They were all slimmer novels than Dune, but no less complicated.

"Contact is my favorite," she said, shoving the books into Tom's arms. His denim was rough on her hands, and she tried not to think about how feverishly warm his skin had been the last time she had been this close to him. Swallowing, Parker remained on task. "But any of these should be good starter books for you to get into sci-fi with."

He glanced at the choices warily. "My audition is next week."

"Then I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to finish these if you're really serious about wanting to get that role," she chirped.

Together, they wound back towards the front counter. The TRASH boxes sat in the middle of the aisle, and she carefully toed them to the side before trailing past. While she was pretty sure he had been joking about suing her, a workplace hazard was the last thing she needed.

"How do you remember all of this?"

"Where stuff is? I spend almost all of my time arranging books. I'm uptight, remember?"

She felt more than saw his eyeroll. "These books, the authors. You, like, know everything about them."

Parker paused. It definitely wasn't a compliment, but it definitely felt like it could have been. Then again, this was Tom Ryder. When she glanced up from the counter, she found that he already has his nose back in his phone, and the conundrum of compliment versus not was thrown out the window. Parker shot him an unimpressed look to say, "please tell me that you're not on SparkNotes right now."

It was his turn to pause. "I'm just... reading the descriptions."

"Maybe that's why you can't understand why nerds like these books," she argued, hands planted firmly on her hips now. "Why would I go to watch one of your movies if I already looked the plot up on Wikipedia?"

He ignored her point entirely to smirk. "So, you do see my movies?"

"Goodbye, Tom."

"Relax. I'm not going to spoil them, alright? What's the fun in that when I could read them instead, and then leave you a bad review when the books end up being awful?"

"You mean have your assistants leave me a bad review."

He didn't seem impressed at the jab but didn't defend himself either. Most likely because they both knew she was right. Parker shot him a smug smile that he promptly rolled his eyes at. "Hilarious. Just tell me how much the books cost so I can leave before stepping on a rusty nail or something."

"Didn't you see the sign out front? Can't come in without a tetanus shot due to liability reasons."

There was a noise that sounded suspiciously like a laugh, but when she glanced up at him, Tom was wiping a hand down his face. "How much for the books, smartass?"

Parker was pretty sure she could upsell him. There was no way that he knew those three books, decades old with ripped pages, were only worth fifteen bucks together. And with all the Gucci name brand bullshit that he wore, she was pretty sure she could get away with telling him the price was a hundred dollars and he wouldn't even blink an eye.

But he was also a customer, a somewhat work acquaintance, and someone she really didn't want to hang around any longer than necessary. Not to mention her brother's pseudo boss, and someone that knew she was guilty of wrecking a far more expensive rug than she could ever pay to fix.

"Just consider them a loan," she said before she could second guess herself. When Tom raised his eyebrows so high they disappeared into his hairline, she waved a hand at him while half-heartedly returning to her job of book sorting. "If you're that put-off by it you can always pay me an agent's fee if you get the part."

He stared at her for a long moment, not necessarily computing, definitely hearing static, before Tom spared her an over-the-top eyeroll that surely had to have hurt to perform.

From his pocket he pulled out a couple of crumpled bills and slapped them onto the counter. He didn't even look at how much money it was. Just shook his head at her, glasses bobbing on his nose, before he was on his way out the door.

"Hey! Don't you want your change—?"

The door shut with a ting.

On the counter sat seventy-three dollars. Parker wasn't sure if she should be offended or complimented.

From outside there was the sound of an obnoxiously loud car engine revving, alongside the thrum of music, before it tore off down the street.

"What a fucking asshole," she grumbled with the shake of her head.

But it wasn't exactly an asshole thing to do, when she thought about it. And she would know; every exchange they had since being introduced had Tom acting like an asshole to her.

Or, well, not every exchange. Not when he had been, almost, nice to her at Gail's party, if only for a few moments when no one else was around.

"OH. MY. GOD!" a shrill voice shrieked across the store, bouncing off of bookshelves, as two boots went crashing towards the window. Parker was reminded in no gentle terms that they had not, in fact, been alone when Melissa smudged her face against the glass to peer out onto the street. "Holy shit! That was Tom Ryder! Tom Ryder! Are you kidding me right now? TOM. RYDER."

"Yeah, Jesus, I know who that was," she winced, pinching her ear when she thought the girl's high pitch yelp may have burst an eardrum. There was definitely a ringing as Melissa tromped around.

"You—he—I can't believe after all of this time you never once mentioned that you're friends with Tom freaking Ryder!" she squeaked.

"Well, hang on, we're not—"

"How long have you known him? How do you know him? Do you have his phone number? Ohmygod everyone is going to flip when I tell them that you know him. Tom Ryder!" Melissa shouted, phone already in hand as she started typing. "My friend, my dear friend and favorite bookstore owner, is best friends with Tom Ryder! Did you see his latest movie, Good Cop, Bad Dog? Ugh! He's so hot!"

"We're not friends," she said immediately, not even bothering to dispute the fact that Good Cop, Bad Dog was a puff piece in an attempt to market him for younger fans. "He's actually kind of an asshole."

The teenager shot Parker a scandalized look, mouth popped open into an O as her brows lifted to her hairline. "What? Are you kidding me right now? He just drove all the way out here to ask for your recommendation for a sci-fi book! His house is, like, fifty minutes from here with traffic. Don't call him that when you just became so cool."

Parker frowned. "How do you know where he lives?" she asked, before adding with much more intensity, "hang on a second, am I not cool?"

But Melissa was already moving on, the sound of facetime dialing on her phone as she darted back outside in hopes of catching another glimpse of the celebrity. Parker, in response, caught her head between her hands with a low groan.

And yet, she couldn't help but think about what Melissa said.

Tom Ryder was a total, grade-A asshole... right?

She cast a despondant glance towards the crumpled bills on the counter, then the box of books at her side, before fishing her phone out of her back pocket, and pressing the second number on speed dial.

"Hey," she said, "do you want to get, like, really drunk tonight?"

Colt didn't bother to ask why before he was checking what ingredients he had in his fridge and offering to invite Jody and Dan over for dinner. Sometimes, she really loved her brother.

[vanfleeter]

Doesn't Stay In Vegas (7) // JTK

Characters: Jake x Catie (OC) Warnings: Tiny bit of smut (minors DNI I beg), angst, fluff, Sam being Sam.

Parking his car in the lot, he locks the doors and heads across the street. The bells above the shop door ring indicating his entrance. A cashier beams a smile from behind the counter and welcomes him inside the store and offers her help if he needs it.

“Actually..” He steps up to the counter. “My wife and I just found out we’re expecting and we don’t know what we’re having yet–so I’m not entirely sure what I should be looking at.”

“Okay! Well first, congratulations! Second, we have the perfect selection for what you’re looking for.” She steps out from behind the counter and leads to a little area in the shop full of gender neutral clothing. “Anything here will do.”

“Great, thank you.”

“No problem, let me know if you need any more assistance.” She says before going back to the counter.

He scans through the little clothes, his mind trying to wrap itself around the fact that humans can be this small. Finding a small onesie with a star on it, he picks it out and retrieves a little rattle before bringing it up to the counter to check out. Once checked out, he heads down the block to a bakery and picks up his order he had placed a half hour ago before he got to the baby store.

Driving home, his nerves were getting the best of him. They hadn’t spoken much since they found out about the pregnancy. Or at least, she hasn’t been talking to him. He knew he made an ass of himself that day but no matter what he said or tried to do, she’d still give him the cold shoulder.

‘Give her time’ Josh’s voice echoes in his head.

Give her time. He did give her time. But he’s running out of time. Tour starts soon and he won’t be here with her.

Pulling into the driveway, he gets out of the car and heads inside the house. Getting upstairs to the bedroom, he quietly steps through the door when he finds her still asleep and sits down on the bed beside her.

“Catie..” He whispers as he gently taps her cheek. “My love, wake up..”

Her face scrunches up and she groans. “Go away, let me sleep..”

He chuckles. “Come on, wake up. I brought home breakfast.” One of her eyes peek open and he looks at her. “It’s your favorite..” He says in a sing-song voice.

“You brought me breakfast?” She says as she sits up. He nods his head and pulls out a still warm blueberry bagel. “That is my favorite.”

He smiles. “I know it is–and..” He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a cherry Danish. “The last one of the morning.”

“I feel spoiled.” Catie giggles.

“But that’s not all.” He says as he reaches down to the floor and picks up the shopping bag. “I did some small shopping.” He hands her the bag.

“For me?”

“Well, for both of us.” He says.

Reaching inside the bag, she pulls out the little rattle. She looks at him in curiosity before reaching back in and taking out the onesie. Her eyes sparkle with tears and she drops the items in her lap before throwing her arms around Jake.

“I want you to know that I want this baby. Sure it’s not perfect timing but I promise you, I’m in it the whole way.” He says as he holds her.

She pulls away and wipes her face. “I've been such a bitch to you and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Trust me, babe, I did.” He says.

Catie sniffles. “Do you want to go to the appointment with me today before you go into rehearsals? I know I didn’t let you the first time..” She lowers her head. “But I want you there.”

Jake eagerly nods his head. “I want to go.” He says as he picks her head up. “And even while I’m gone, I’ll be facetiming you–I don’t want to miss anything.” —

“Good morning boys!” Jake announces as he walks into the rehearsal space. Sam looks up from his keyboard as he pauses his playing.

“Someone’s very perky today.” He says. “What’s got you in a good mood?”

“We went in for a scan today,” Jake beams. “And I got to see the baby.” He digs into his pocket and pulls out a printed copy of the scan. “It’s tiny but it’s there.”

“No fucking way, I want to see.” Sam leaps up from the piano bench and rushes over to Jake. “Oh would you like that, the shape really does look like a peanut.” Jake scoffs and shoves Sam away. “I’m kidding!” Sam laughs. “That’s amazing honestly.”

“Thanks.” Jake beams.

“So, what are you hoping for? A boy or a girl?” Sam asks as he leans against the piano.

Jake shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, I mean it’d be typical for me to say a boy but honestly, I want a girl.”

“Girl?” Josh’s voice rings through the air as he enters the room. “Are you having a girl? You know already?”

“No, you idiot.” Jake says. “Sam asked which I would want and I said I want a girl.”

“Let me just say–if you have a girl, she won’t ever be dating.” Josh chuckles. “Not while we’re around.” He pats Jake’s back before heading over to the mic to do a few tests. –

Coming home later that evening, he steps through the front door and immediately smells food cooking. He smiles as he sets his guitar case on the floor before making his way to the kitchen. There he finds Catie standing by the stove and stirring pasta in a pot. He walks over and wraps his arms around her waist and rests his chin on her shoulder.

“I’ve missed you today.” He says as he kisses her cheek.

Catie giggles and puts her hands over top of his on her stomach. “You just saw me this morning.” She says.

“Just let me miss you.” He says as he kisses along her neck. He hears her moan and he chuckles. “Does that feel good?”

“Don’t start..” She says. “I’m starving..”

“Mmmm,” He hums. “For me?”

Catie laughs and turns away from the stove. “No-o-o-o,” She says. “I’ve been craving spaghetti all day.” She wraps her arms around his neck. “But having you for dessert would be great.”

He chuckles and leans down to kiss her. “Someone’s hormones seem to have spiked today.”

“You have no idea.” She says. “I’ve been dying to have your hands all over me.”

“Oh you mean like this?” Jake moves his hands from around her waist and runs them up underneath her shirt. She moans as she nods her head. “Or maybe this?” He takes one of his hands and slides it underneath her waistband of her leggings and cups his hand around her center. He smirks as he watches her eyes roll.

“Jake..” She breathes.

He leans over and kisses her cheek as he withdraws his hands. “Dinner first.” He says making her huff.

“You’re such a tease.” She says before turning back to the stove and stirring the pot again.

“So I showed the guys the sonogram.” He says as he goes over to the cupboard and pulls out a couple bowls. “Sam said the baby looked like a peanut.”

“An adorable peanut.” Catie comments as she turns off the burner.

“Our baby does not look like an oblong pod.” Jake says pointing his at her to get his point across.

Her eyebrows raise. “A what?”

“An oblong pod,” Jake shrugs his shoulders. “It’s what a peanut is described as.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It’s both a noun and an adjective,” Jake begins to explain. “A noun, an object or flat figure in an elongated rectangle or oval shape. An adjective, having an elongated shape, such as a rectangle or oval.”

“I'm burning your books.” She jokes.

Jake beams a smile and grabs the pot off the stove and a strainer from the cupboard before straining the noodles in the sink. “Our child is going to be a smart kid.” He says.

“With a dad like you? Of course they will be.” Catie says as she takes the strainer from him and dumps the pasta into the pan of the spaghetti sauce. “They have a smart daddy.” She hears him scoff and turns to face him. “It’s true.”

“I don’t know about that.” He shrugs his shoulders. “I didn’t have the easiest time with my reading and English growing up, I didn't feel smart.”

A small smile appears on Catie’s face and she walks over to him. “But you worked really hard at it. If you never stuck it out, you never wouldn’t given a vocabulary lesson and I wouldn’t have learned something new.” She reaches up and caresses his cheek. “One day when our child is old enough, you can teach him or her what an oblong pod is.” He smiles and she kisses him on the cheek. “Now, let’s start eating because I’m growing impatient for dessert.” —

They never made it to the bedroom. They didn’t even make it out of the dining room. As soon as they both finished eating, he had her sprawled out on the other side of the table. Having her legs hooked over his shoulders, he has his tongue plunged deep inside of her. He feels her writhing and he smirks. Pulling away he drops her legs and wipes his mouth.

“Jake, why’d you stop?” She whines. “Please please please, come back..”

“Aw, is my baby needy?” He says with a smirk.

“Stop teasing me.” She says as she grabs at him.

Undoing his pants, he pushes them down his legs. He licks his lips as he watches her slowly play with herself. Pulling her to the edge of the table, he wiggles in between her legs and teasingly glides his cock through her folds, collecting her arousal on it. Lining himself up with her entrance, he slowly pushed inside until he bottoms out.

“If you don’t hit that spot every time, you are never allowed to touch me again.” Catie says as she holds his face in her hands.

“There’s no way in hell you could survive without me ever touching you.” He smirks. “But the challenge is accepted.”

He pulls out all the way to his tip but shoving himself back in and with every thrust he continues to hit the same spot each time. His grunts and groans fill the room mixed with the sound of their skin connecting harshly.

Being pregnant and with her hormones heightened, she reaches her climax quicker than normal and she spills all over him as her orgasm rips through her body.

“Oh fuck baby, you weren’t kidding..” He pants as he keeps thrusting himself into her. Soon he was approaching on his own and he finds himself bent over her front side as he releases himself inside of her. He rests his head on her chest as he catches his breath.

Suddenly the doorbell rings and bolts back up right. “Shit..” He mutters as he pulls out of her. The doorbell rings again followed by a couple knocks. “Be there in a second!” He calls. He helps her off the table and pulls her underwear back on before rebuttoning his pants and fixing his shirt. The doorbell rings for the third time followed by Danny’s voice.

“Jake!” He calls.

“I’m coming, dammit!” Jake shouts as he rushes out of the dining room and to the front door. “Can I help you?” He says as he opens the door only to find his twin standing behind him and Sam on the other side.

“Guys Night is tonight.” Sam says as he holds up a six pack of Toppo Chicos. “Did you forget?”

“Oh uh..”

“Oh you did..” Josh groans. “We discussed this before we all left rehearsal.”

“I’m sorry guys, I guess I forgot.”

“Oh hey boys!” Catie exclaims as she pops up beside Jake. “I see it’s Guys Night tonight–just in time too, we just finished dinner.” She gently nudges Jake to the side and lets the three of them inside the house.

“Funny how she remembered and she’s the pregnant one.” Josh jokes earning a glare from Jake.

“I don’t think he was paying attention,” Sam says. “He wouldn’t stop looking at the sonogram.”

Catie sees Jake’s cheeks flush red before he throws his fist into Sam’s shoulder. She giggles and kisses his cheek before walking away and heading back to the dining room where she begins to clean the table. She freezes when she sees their cum on the table. Quickly she grabs the roll of paper towels and cleans the table off before any of the guys see it. Though Jake catches her sight as she turns to leave the dining room. A smug look is spread across his face as he lifts a beer to his lips as he reclines back into the love seat. Now it’s her turn for her cheeks to flush red.

Gathering up the dishes, she slips into the kitchen and gently puts them into the sink before running warm water and soaping up a sponge.

Not long after she finished washing off the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and a pair of lips connect with her cheek. “You should’ve licked the table.” He says into her ear sending a chill down her spine.

“Wouldn’t that have been quite the show for your brothers.”

He chuckles and kisses her cheek again. “I got hard just at the thought of the cum lingering there.” His hands brush down her hips and around to her front as he presses himself into her ass. “But seeing your ass shake as you scrubbed the plates? Fucking hell, do it again.”

“Jacob, your brothers are still here. Go hang out with them.”

“How can I concentrate on a game of Monopoly–a game I’m bound to lose anyways–when I can whisk my sexy wife upstairs and fuck her?”

“You already fucked me.”

He chuckles and kisses the side of her neck. “But the thrill of fucking you knowing my brothers could hear really sends to the blood rushing to my dick..”

“Now look who’s the horny one..” Catie says as she turns to face him. “Tell you what, if I’m still awake by the time the guys leave, then I will let you fuck me until I pass out. Fair?”

“Fucking hell woman..” He says.

Catie giggles and pulls away from him. “Now go back to the living room and spend some time with your brothers.”

“It’s not like I don’t see them every day anyways.”

“Goooo..” Catie says as she shoves him out of the kitchen.

Making herself some tea and a bagel to munch on, she heads upstairs to their bedroom and makes herself comfortable in bed and begins to search for a movie. –

“Yeah, yeah, yeah..” Jake grumbles as he walks the guys to the front door.

“Don’t forget, Jake, I mean it.” Josh says.

“Josh, I got it. Don’t worry, she’ll be surprised.” He shoves the three of them through the front door. “Now go away.”

“Such a dick..” He hears Sam joke.

“At least mine’s bigger..” Jake retorts.

“Wanna bet?” Sam says as he spins around on his heels.

“Oh no you don’t..” Danny says as he steps in front of Sam who has his pants already unbuttoned. “Quit acting like children and get in the damn car.” He says as he shoves Sam down the walkway.

Jake rolls his eyes and steps back inside the house and locks the door. After cleaning up the living room and dumping all the empty beer bottles and cans into the recycling bin in the garage, he shuts all the lights off downstairs before moving for the stairs. In the distance, he can hear something playing upstairs and as he approaches the bedroom he hears little giggles from the television accompanied by the sound sniffling.

Pushing the door, he steps inside to find Catie sitting on the bed and watching the television screen. Tears fill her eyes as a few drop down her cheeks. He looks over at the television to see a home movie playing.

A little girl is shown on the screen as she giggles and laughs while her father tickles her. “Daddy!”

“I’m not daddy, I’m the tickle monster!” He says as he continues tickling the little girl. “Rawr!”

Jake looks back at Catie and realizes that the little girl in the movie is her. That’s her father. Feeling his heart drop, he goes over to the bed and climbs in beside her. “Baby, why are you watching these?” He asks.

She shrugs her shoulders. “I wasn’t originally but then.. I don’t know.. I started thinking of you being a dad and it got me thinking about my dad and then I found myself watching these old movies and now I’m missing my dad and fuck.. Can’t my hormones just fucking chill for a moment?”

Jake looks back at the screen as her father reappears, the camera zoomed in on his face. “Cat, you’re zoomed in..”

“Oh fuck..”

“Language young lady..”

“I’m sixteen dad..” She retorts. He chuckles and shakes his head. “Now..” She clears her throat. “What’s your name?”

“Michael.”

“And how old are you?”

“Do I have to say that?”

“Dad, come on.” Catie groans.

He smiles. “Fine.. I’m thirty-two.”

“And what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a Marine.”

“Badass Marine.”

“Catherine. Language.”

Catie laughs, the camera shaking in her hands. “Final question. What do you like to do for fun?”

“I like to read.”

“So boring.”

“Oh I’m sorry, what did you want me to say?”

“I don’t know, something cool.”

“Like what?”

“Talk about your motorcycle. You’re obsessed with that thing.”

The television turns off and Catie drops the remote onto the bed. Jake looks back over at her and she has her face buried in her hands. Moving closer to her, he wraps his arms around her body and pulls her into his chest. “I miss him, Jake..”

“I know baby..” He whispers as he runs his hands through her hair. “I know..” And then he holds her until she falls asleep on top of him and continues to hold her until he himself falls asleep.

_____________________________________________________________

tag list: @losfacedevil @lightmylove-gvf @ignite-my-fire @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @writingcold @jaketlover @mackalah @lexii-nv-c @thetroublegetssoloud71 @emilykamo @em-gvf01 @katiegvf @joshkiszkaenthusiast @takenbythemadness @sinarainbows @gvfpal

(if I missed anyone, I apologize, remind me in the replies)

If you want to be added to the tag list, feel free to reach out! :)

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

No because the more I - and many, many others think about it, why five chapters to wrap everything up? I keep thinking of reasons and only one makes sense to me, but.

BNHA is considered a world-wide best-seller, being WSJ's 6th most sold manga (last I checked, which was a few months ago). So many mangakas and artists taking notice and praising it, its big demograohic getting bigger because of its 10th anniversary in two weeks (!), more people are inclined to see it through the end. Hell, even taking out worldwide demographic, it's still very beloved in Japan- they had an entire tour event for the manga, for goodness' sake. It's a weird decision from a financial and commercial standpoint.

From a creator standpoint, Horikoshi likes taking his time writing his arcs down to the most ridiculously minimal details- the most likely possible positive outcomes is that Horikoshi is either planning a sequel or changing publishers but that's a whole leap in logic-

1. A sequel implies we aren't following the Hero Academia like stated by 424's release; and there's a whole bulletpoint of things that need to be addressed; a sequel wouldn't make sense because why tackle everything in a different part of the story?

I've seen people suggesting another MC, but. Remember BNHA as of now took place in the span of 2 years in-universe, but in real life, 10. Izuku's story isn't finished and we have another character (which now I'm certain it's Tenko) to meet, that would be more cluttered than the PLFW Arc.

Others mentioned a possible spin-off, or a time skip, but that's a another can of worms because that's a new world/POV with missing development from the characters we know, which would be interesting but. Again, a whole list of plot points to address; why not address here and now? Surely that's not what we imagined when 424 said "we need to go even further beyond" the end of the story, right? And one more thing: Volume 41 still does not have enough pages to fill in a tankobon unless the page count is huge and that's why we got a two/three-week break. Even then it doesn't fully solve the problem.

2. Publisher changing is another story, because it implies WSJ is falling on hard times, cutting corners, Horikoshi's contract wasn't renewed, or someone offered a better deal, but once again, big money-maker. Which we know it's BS. Not to mention the amount of legal jargon and time it'd take for that to happen behind the scenes for this to be possible- a month ago we got Hori saying he didn't know how long it'd take to reach the ending, and all of these complications would delay, if not officially put the series on a hiatus similar to OP, right?

And then there's the "five chapters is a long epilogue" or the argument, which I do agree, unfortunately. But this is why I'm so baffled; the amount of shit that needed to be addressed in the story- Todofam, Himichako, Spinner, Rooftop Trio, Hitoshi in Class 2-A (Class 2-A in general, really), Izuku and Katsuki's state, future and relationship, societal rebuild and re-evaluation of pro-heroes, what happens to Toshinori now, if OFA is really gone or not, Hero Commission, Mr. Compress's fate, Hawks being Quirkless now, the mystery man from 425, the list goes on and on. Nothing about hero society in BNHA was shown to change, then what's all that talk of long epilogue for if we can barely focus on five of these? So much to answer and not enough time for all.

IDK, there are more "positive"* theories of Horikoshi ending the "Academia" part of Boku no Hero and focusing on the more ambitious part of the manga in a part two, a la Chainsaw Man, but even that feels like wishful thinking- especially because of so many second series being. A mess, to put it lightly.

Horikoshi does deserve the break from writing and drawing, don't get me wrong, ten years of pumping up a story of this quality is not an easy feat, but it's so weird considering all the loose ends. If he did decide to end on his terms, well. His decision, I guess, even if it still feels off. But it is the only explanation that makes sense, in my opinion. Especially with the amount of breaks he needed to get because of health conditions- Shonen Jump is very harsh on their mangakas after all.

*I say "positive" because he said he didn't want it to be a long runner, and he did say he's interested in a BNHA spin-off and elevating the light novels. And that he'd "see us again in Jump" on the countdown announcement, so. There's that, take that as you will.

Maybe I should try and be positive as well, there is a chance this is not the end of the main series yet, and we're getting, Idk, a rebrand of sorts? Maybe Horikoshi will show up at Jump Festa and be like "surprise I got more tricks up my sleeve". Back to the beginning, but not quite the same. Hell imagine if he decided to go to the actual beginning: Boku No Hero one-shot from 2008. Call it Boku no Hero Agency or something like that. Hah.

Won't erase that I am feeling shitty about this right now- but, what do I know, I wanna choose hoping for something as wishful as this until the end of the ride rather than dwell on the doomerism of it all. Just wanted to talk about it. Makes me regret I chose to get into BNHA late in the game, but I'm still glad I got to ride in at all. I hope this "final bow" isn't gonna feel as incomplete as I fear it will.

I. Guess we'll have to wait and see with fingers crossed then. *sigh* So, with that said.

I guess I wanna hope for the handhold, at least.

[fuck-showers-in-general]

d. do you want to tell us about the history of panic at the disco. i feel like you want to do that.

YES I DO (small unreality cw for a few of the jokes i make in this)

so back in like 2005. this emo boy from suburban nevada named ryan ross and his childhood friend slash the only drummer he knew (spencer smith) decided to start a band together called pet salamander. they also got this other guy named brent wilson to play keyboard but brent is a bitch and they kicked him out after the first album so this is the first and last time you will hear me mention him. ryan was singing, playing guitar, and writing music, which was a lot of work for a depressed teenager in his first band ever, so they ended up trying to find someone else to either play guitar or sing, and end up putting out an ad in some newspaper or something. up turns this kid named brendon urie! he can do both. they end up just having him sing though, because ryan still wants to play guitar. it was also some time around this that they realized pet salamander was a stupid ass band name, so they changed it to panic! at the disco. and thus the most band of all time was born.

ryan, pretty much by himself, writes an album called a fever you can't sweat out, which takes heavy inspiration from chuck palahnuik (im totally spelling his name wrong but idc), moulin rouge, and ryan's own childhood living just outside las vegas. it toes the line between pop punk and cabaret goth, or more accurately pirouettes along the tightrope between them. it is a picturesque score of scandals, sins (not tragedies), classic literature, dark circus couture, and a troubled childhood. it still genuinely astounds me that this album was made by a bunch of teenagers. it is an absolute fucking masterpiece. panic! records a few demos, and then gets the bright idea that "hey, ryan's a huge fan of fall out boy, right? that pop punk band from chicago that's really popular right now? like, he's super obsessed with pete wentz's writing. and pete is really active on social media. what if we shot him a few demos?"

and what does peter lewis kingston wentz the motherfucking third, known lacker of common sense, do?

he makes an entire fucking record label just to sign panic!.

ma'am what.

pete decides to start decaydance records, a sublabel of fueled by ramen, and signs a bunch of his friends' bands, along with these random kids from nevada, because he thinks they have potential or whatever. panic! fully records afycso, and releases it on september 27th, 2005. it becomes a smash hit near immediately, and i write sins not tragedies remains to this day a staple of 2000's emo hits. and what, logically, do they do after this? well, first, they go on the nothing rhymes with circus tour, which i would have absolutely killed to get tickets to had i been, like, alive at the time. but after that they, of course, get this guy named jon walker to join the band as a bassist, take the exclamation point out of their name and retreat into the mountains to hotbox a cabin and write a classic rock album. of course. perfectly logical next move. ...look, they swore to shake it up and we swore to listen. this is on us.

some time in mid to late 2006, panic emerges from the mountains with an album called cricket and clover. after recording demos for pretty much the whole album, they realize, oh, we totally cannot release this. so they rework it into an album called pretty. odd., which is an absolute masterpiece. i don't understand why people don't like it. it's so fucking good. if pretty. odd. has 10000 fans i am one of them if pretty. odd. has 10 fans i am one of them if pretty. odd. has 1 fan it is me if pretty. odd. has no fans i am dead. i don't have as much eloquent stuff to say about p.o. as i do with afycso. i just really like it.

[bad wilbur soot impression] it was at this point that brendon decided to become a problem.

so ryan was struggling with a lot of mental health issues right? you would expect your bandmates, especially the one you trusted to sing the lyrics you expressed and processed a lot of those mental health issues with, to not make fun of you for that, right? you would think? brendon did not think. ever. that man has not had a thought in his life and i mean that as an insult. things get so bad eventually that panic splits in half, with ryan and jon splitting off to form a band called the young veins that released one album in 2010 and then broke up, and spencer and brendon being left with the record deal but being explicitly told by ryan to not use the name panic at the disco. which, technically, they didn't. they went back to panic! at the disco. but still. dick move, man.

panic! is still touring pretty. odd. at this point (late 2009), so they need some touring musicians, because they no longer have a bassist or a guitarist. so they hire. i believe ian crawford? but don't quote me on that. as a guitarist, and, more importantly, dallon weekes as a bassist. dallon becomes a full member of the band soon after, because they flat out don't have a bassist anymore, nor a songwriter, but dallon just so happens to have written music for a (very good) band called the brobecks since before panic! at the disco was even a twinkle in poor ryan's eye. justice for ryan ross. but dallon writes an album called vices & virtues, featuring a couple of songs (mostly bonus tracks) from our good friend pwentz, a song brendon wrote about his wife (the worst song on the album honestly), and like half a song left over that ryan wrote when he was still in panic!. which makes vices & virtues the only panic! album that has had every official panic! songwriter on it. four of them. what is wrong with this band. v&v is a fucking amazing album though. i love it so much.

after that, dallon gets to work on panic!'s fourth album, too weird to live, too rare to die!. his original draft is a fucking masterpiece, but unfortunately most of it never sees the light of day (as in, basically nothing minus all the boys, a demo of far too young to die, and the original lyrics to vegas lights) because brendon comes in and ruins the whole thing and turns it into a marketable alt pop album. as he does. justice for dallon weekes. justice for anyone who has ever interacted with brendon ever actually. twtltrtd is still an amazing album, don't get me wrong. just not as good as it would have been without brendon's meddling. i may be a little bitter.

dallon, inevitably, leaves the band, because not only has brendon been fucking up his writing, he's been harassing him, harassing his wife, and on top of it all, paying him so little he had to get a second job to support his family. spencer also leaves, for unclear reasons. so brendon's got three albums left on a record deal for a band that no longer exists. what does he decide to do? pretend the band still exists and is more than just him, of course. this band and its associates have a history of logical decision making and everything they have ever done was a good idea. of course. he releases an album called death of a bachelor in 2016, which was actually pretty good. you will come to see this is a fluke.

two years later, in 2018, brendon! at the disco releases their sixth album, pray for the wicked, which had like four good songs on it total. however, something much more important happened that year. see, something had been happening in the shadows of salt lake city. someone had been plotting. playing shows. a band that didn't exist had been popping up around, with a disturbingly long name. were they here from the past? were they, perhaps, back from the future? we'll never know. all we know is that the band consisted of dallon weekes, a man* who definitely had no connection to panic! at the disco, and ryan seaman, a man who definitely had no connection to falling in reverse. both of whom had dubious connections to the brobecks. and in 2018, they released their first single, a song called modern day cain.

THATS RIGHT THIS POST IS ABOUT I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME NOW BBY

iDKHOW ended up also releasing their first EP in 2018, called 1981 extended play. it is an absolute masterpiece. i did not care that it was 6 songs, i listened to those 6 songs on loop for months on end. they did not release a full album until 2020. so clearly those months turned into years at some point. i lost track. their first album, called RAZZMATAZZ, came out in october of 2020, after making everyone wait way too fucking long for a full album. you may recognize that album name. that is because it's my name. i am way too obsessed with this band. they haven't been around for very long, so they don't have much history for me to infodump yet, but i am very proud to say i was one of their first fans, and i'll be a fan until the day i die.

nowadays, jon's still releasing solo music (also we are tiktok mutuals), ryan is a hermit, dallon was never in panic! at the disco at all why am i mentioning him, and brendon released an album called viva las vengeance that bombed so hard he announced the formal disbandment of panic! at the disco last month. the evil is defeated. thanks for coming to the circus, everyone. you can go home now.

[grace-williams-xo]

Rating a selection of the (main) fandoms I’ve been in over the years. This is just for shits and giggles, please don’t start a war. I truly sincerely don’t care that much. Peace and love. [my current level of engagement with these fandoms varies]

One Direction 7/10 (fandom since 2013)

Absolutely cooked, but looking back, not that bad

Very powerful. Live in fear if we ever properly reunite again (the last big thing was July 2020 iykyk) bc we have reach everywhere and it never leaves our souls

Ahead of its time, but also an exact summary of 2012–2014

The solos who fight are the worst please fucking chill

The best fandom ever when it comes to tagging fics I won’t be debating this

Larries still exist in 2024 I can’t believe it either and they are the blueprint for all toxic shipping culture. Larries get a 1/10 and that 1 is for the good au fics only

5SOS 8/10 (fan since 2013, fandom since 2018)

Lots of overlap with directioners so have always kind of just been the smaller version of that fandom

Smaller fandoms can be less toxic but also sometimes 5sos fam is/was an absolute mess for no reason at all

Has been much more toxic since 2020 onwards because the guys have lives and people get way too bored

Some fans with directioner roots can’t comprehend that the band actually like each other and that’s just funny to me

Fletcher 6/10 (fan since 2017, fandom since 2020)

It was a great fandom until the first album cycle started, and then it got bad, and then Becky’s so hot made it worse, and then last year Fletcher herself joined a cult and drove it off a cliff

Currently it’s a mess of fans either forgiving her entirely, stanning Chappell Roan and Renee Rapp instead but continuing to tweet about her problems once a month, or—my favourite—forgiving her when she tours near them

Taylor Swift 4/10 (fan since 2009, fandom since 2015)

Gets worse with every passing second. Rep era? Great. Lover era? Good. Folklore/evermore? Alright. Fearless/Red TV? Tolerable. Midnights/Eras onwards? Abhorrent.

Gaylors will either save the world or end it

Some of the most insane dick riding for a fave I’ve ever seen in a fandom in my life please have some perspective

Hawaii Five-0 10/10 (since 2017)

The most active fandom for a dead tv show, I feel like I’m clout farming every time I post a fic

Never seen a more headcannoned ship in my life than mcdanno

No controversial debates

Overall very chill, but we all give the people writing genuine Steve/Lynn or Danny/Amberlissa fics side eye

Glee 9/10 (since 2018)

If you watched glee, it will come as no surprise that no one in this fandom is mentally okay

Way too passionate about ranking the seasons

Entirely cooked, but very self aware so we’re having fun

Bridgerton 7/10 (since Apr 2024)

The shipper fights take years off my life PLEASE relax I am begging you

Some of the fandom think rich straight white women are the most oppressed class of society

Good fics but you do not know how to tag smh

White Collar 19/10 (since Jan 2024)

The best!!!

No drama the only debate is about what happened in/after the finale, but it isn’t toxic

I lied the debate is are Peter/Neal romantic

Speaking of, no one protects spoilers like this fandom. We will go to battle to make sure new watchers don’t get the big reveals spoiled

Would’ve gotten a 20 but y’all, respectfully, mostly suck ass at tagging fics it’s maybe the worst fandom I’ve ever come across

[snapbackslide]

a reward for staying alive ❤️‍🔥

the post-concert depression is always severe with this band... i had to pull myself back to reality many times yesterday. today i'm able to put my thoughts down and reminisce - i don't want to forget a single thing, so i'm trying my best to write everything down - this is why my posts end up being so long. so, regarding the clancy concert in montreal, and how this band feels like a reward for staying alive... novel below.

um, the concert lasted like 5 minutes?! way too short for my soul, corazón... it seems every show goes by faster and faster, probably because i love them more and more every time 🥲

i don't know how, but the more i go to the bell centre, the smaller of a venue it seems. it felt so intimate, not sure if it's the familiarity of it all, or if they're just that good at including us in everything.

josh was funny and interactive and he wore a montreal shirt, tyler brought so much energy and spoke french, vocals and drums and every other instrument were flawless, they tore the place down.

from the moment trees ended, i already started missing them so much. every time i know trees is coming up and every time they play it, i get this bittersweet feeling. one of my favourite songs of theirs, that also signals the end of the show... it's a beautifully sad experience 🥺

and when i got home, my first thought was "they did it again". i've felt this way after each of their shows.

in regards to past experiences;

the bandito tour, 2019. my first tøp show, so probably the one that will always mean the most. i had never seen an artist perform every song off the album they were touring before. that was incredibly special, not just because trench means so much to me, but because the show itself felt magical. it is actually the reason why i'm so into the band today - i'd loved them and their songs for a while, but seeing them live is what cemented it for me.

the icy tour, 2022. this one was a bit of a last minute decision. it was straight up just fun, very reflective of the era as a whole. they played so many songs, some of my absolute favourites, and i had great seats and got to take some really cool photos and videos.

the clancy tour, 2024. well, there's obviously a lot to say, seeing as it's still fresh in my mind. an even more last minute decision... it needs its own section. and i love to see others enjoying it as much i have 🥲

i went into the bandito show with no prior knowledge whatsoever. i had checked the setlist before the icy show, but didn't know how it was going to play out. this time, i had watched an entire livestream of the first clancy show of the tour, so i knew everything beforehand. and yet, every single one left me mesmerized at how much the songs come alive, and all three are my favourites i've ever attended.

and on a personal level... - the bandito show was rough. i was on an ongoing anxiety attack that didn't go away until the next day, and it was the show that caused the worst pcd 😓 didn't help that i was also in a tough time of my life, in university and struggling with careers and mental health and friendships... - the icy show had its own set of challenges. it was friday night, i got there straight from work, tired and worn out from the week, and i had to pee the entire show 😣 ever since, i have to go to the bathroom like 3 times before an event, lol. i'm truly scarred from that 😅 - the clancy show had none of that. no anxiety, no urges, no discomfort. no waiting in lines, not for entrance, not for merch, not for the bathroom, not for the show (i am also scarred from having to wait over an hour in the pit for other artists before...). i'm in a better place in my life. didn't care what people thought of me. no problems, everything was smooth. it was perfect.

a few key moments;

perhaps the moment that marked me the most wasn't even about tyler or josh. it was the kid in the row in front of me. when tyler announced he was about the play oldies station, the kid (well, maybe not a kid - he seemed to be in his late teens) absolutely rejoiced. he was singing his heart out, and when it ended, he fist pumped to himself, and that moment alone… meant everything. context and timing considered, it continues to amaze me the impact this song has. it made me so happy 🥺

josh looking up to my section after he walked to his mini stage, connecting with us and airdrumming sometimes, specifically during mulberry street. after the intro and before the first verse without drums, he continued his arm movements but without touching the drums, and made funny faces to us 🥹

tyler saying "you're crrraaaazzzyyyyyy" after we had rapped the entire second verse of ride by ourselves, with just the backing track, neither one of them playing or singing 😭😭😭

josh singing along to himself while drumming, and the parts where he actually sang… my goodness. during paladin, i was so lost in the moment that i forgot he did the backing vocal parts, and as soon as he started singing, the crowd erupted. pulled me out of my trance and made me smile so hard.

oh yeah, tyler saying we might be his favourite show of the tour so far? yeah okay, artists say that all the time, he probably didn't mean it… but i choose to believe he did 🤪 he's never said that to us before!!

at 8:43 i heard a loud, distorted noise that it took me a few seconds to make out… "what's your ETA" 😭 exactly two minutes before they came on 😭😭 gosh i love this band so much.

speaking of right before the show started, idk if it was tyler & josh or others, but during those two minutes they were peeking their hands out through the curtains and making gestures, getting us amped up, it was so funny and sweet 🥹

those first few notes of overcompensate… and when the song actually started… and that whole song, really… whew. it will always be a fav of mine. sooooo so happy i got to hear it live.

it was incredibly healing to scream along the lyrics, especially to the songs off clancy. it's hard to even explain. backslide… that and overcompensate were the ones i was excited for the most, they're 2/4 of my favs (the other two being the only songs from clancy not being performed 😢), and they definitely didn't disappoint. and again, oldies station... i'm not even joking when i say that my heart felt like this emoji ❤️‍🩹 so, so, so glad the song was on my setlist. and of course, next semester, yelling hey kid, get out of the road and start fresh next semester, wow. and navigating... the craving... PALADIN STRAIT... just magic.

i love this band so much.

they're the people's band. i love the relationship i have with them. i see them and i don't see celebrities, i see people who make art, people who have gone through similar things. i see the crowd and the way they're touched by them. i see family. we don't know each other, but they help me when i need them. their music is always there, within reach, it's always meaningful, always of high quality, there's always more to learn, always more to love.

that's why i don't participate in the fandom as much, i don't dig into the lore to try and solve things, i don't fight for barricade or travel to multiple shows (no offence to anyone who does). that's what allows me to have my own relationship with each and every song. that's what makes each show i do go to all the more special.

and just like every time, going to one of their shows feels like a reset button. it quite literally reminds me of why i fight, just what tyler intended. surrounded by others also fighting, people who have survived, growing older together, knowing that things do get better, and healing is possible... i'm truly so grateful to have them in my life, and so blessed to have gotten to see them three times. i hope for many more, years down the road, one for every era, and to continue to grow with them.

they're a motivation to push on through. with every new album, every new show... they're a reward for staying alive.

thank you, twenty one pilots. for everything. i'm so proud to call you my favourite band, i'm so glad you're my band. i love you forever.

[pbandjesse]

I am just finishing up at the museum. And I'm really tired. But thankfully not in the same way that I have been the last couple days. Honestly I didn't feel amazing this morning but I got better throughout the day and just doing all right by the time I had to be at the museum this evening.

I slept okay last night. I had some very distressing dreams. And I woke up not in the best head space because of it but I didn't feel as weak and nauseous so I was emotionally in a better place.

I got washed and dressed and James made me the hash brown from yesterday but with an egg this time. And I ate downstairs before we got ready to go. I made sure I had my knitting with me and we said goodbye.

No one was there yet. Not shocked. I spent a little while just looking at emails and thinking about stuff. And figured out a few things I can accomplish tomorrow. And I would start working on my knitting and watched a video and waited for everybody else to come in.

We had a meeting at 10:00. Well it was scheduled to 10:00. And people slowly started coming in around and I was very proud of us because while we did not start attend we did only start 10 minutes late. Which for camp is amazing. And I brought my knitting so that I could focus and not look at my phone touring the entire meeting. And I think I can for a meeting that lasted 3 hours.

And I felt like it was a really productive meeting too I think one of the problems. Is that me and Sarah are not in Friends of putok so we don't go to the meetings and we don't know what has been tried and what hasn't and the problems that they're running into. So we spent a good amount of time explaining or at least having notes read to us on what they are trying to do in the future and some of the changes and improvements and things like that. And some of my suggestions were taken positively and some of them were like well there's this this and this reason we can't do it. And I felt like that was perfectly fair. And I thought that it was really good the steps that they are trying to take. But this organization is going to have the same problem that every organization has with getting young people to join. what is the benefit to them. I don't think it's appropriate for people to volunteer at a place they work at so I don't think we really should be looking to people that are staff members. There are lots of organizations that are great but it is very hard for people to justify putting the time in when they're struggling to make end meet.

But I got four squares of knitting done and I felt like it was a good conversation and I was not feeling amazing so I had to put my head down on the table a few times but we sat outside and the weather was really nice and I thought it was a good time.

I had already told them I needed to leave at 1:00 and we were wrapping up around then so I didn't rush to leave but once I felt like we were in a natural stopping place I gathered my stuff and I headed out. And honestly I timed this very well. I would stop at Hunt valley and get you poly to have half for lunch and then save the other half for dinner. And I got a salad which I didn't love the arugula textures but it's fine. I still enjoyed it.

I had that in the parking lot and then I went home and honestly got home at the perfect time because I was so tired. I would wash my face and get changed and lay down and slept until 4:30. I struggled to fall asleep at first because I kept thinking that I heard something downstairs but if it just the construction came across the street. And I would sleep pretty good honestly. I like to sleep across the bed when I take a nap and on top of all the blankets. But it was a good rest and when I woke up at 4:30 it took me a minute to gather myself but I felt okay. Better than I had felt this morning.

I still have plenty of time before I had to leave for the museum so I would take some of my zofran and had the rest of my Chipotle and laid on the couch and waited for James to come home. And when they did I was very happy to see them.

But sometimes they just get this nervous energy about them and it's just stresses me out. Stop hurrying around the room acting so distressed over very small things. Just handle what you got to handle and stop making me upset. But they calm down and everything was fine. And then I got a notification that I had new test results in and we got to find out that our little baby is going to be all. It's like 97% chance I guess but a little girl! That's so exciting. Feel very very real.

Sammy and James got to be a little excited about that and then I was giving them a hug and it was time for me to go.

I was looking forward to this event tonight. Hospitality industry professionals and just a whole lot of people and not a wedding but an event but not like a true corporate event. Like yeah it's corporate but like a little more fun. And like 500 people were coming so it was going to be a really busy night and all the galleries are open and I just was very excited. So I get there and I jumped in right away to helping Merrill with the TVs because I just learned how to put things on them so I was able to help with that and then I would go and set up my Chase for printing for the evening. I checked in with one of the event organizers and she was really jazzed about it but also like had no notes so I just got to make what I want to and everyone thought it looked great.

people start coming in about 7:15 and every single person I talk to was so great and they all loved me which was awesome. And I was feeding off that energy so I was having a great time and I haven't given a tour in months so I was a little nervous about it but people said I was super animated and had so many good facts and I was just loving printing and talking and it was just really a lovely evening. And I had more people come in than I have in a while for any gallery so it was very nice for me.

And we were in there for a really long time. Like two solid hours. I did take a 5-minute break to go eat some of the caterers focaccia bread because it's my favorite thing that they make. And I had some fruit and cheese. And then later on when they brought desserts out I would also have little tiny fried donuts with cream cheese frosting. Everything was excellent. Like zephyr is one of our best caterers but specifically tonight the food was very good.

By the end of the second hour we were just having too much fun and started making custom ones for people. I was making people's names and I made 10 prints for a company that was there this evening as part of the event and we were just having too much fun and people were making videos of me printing and I make a very funny face when I am pulling a print that I already knew I make but it is funny to see on somebody's Instagram. And I had a couple people follow me on Instagram. And it was just so fun. And then around 9:30 we started shutting down. The party's only going till 10:00 and so I turned off the lights and locked door and got one more little snack and then it was time to go.

And now I am home. A little nauseous but probably I'm just dehydrated. I'm going to take a shower and go to sleep. I got inside and gave James and sweetp hugs. Sweetp is trying to bite my feet which is very rude.

But now is time to get clean and get rest. I love you all. Sleep well. Until tomorrow!!

[brilokuloj]

Hey folks! Last you heard from me, I was e-begging for $1000 to cover a fraction of the cost of moving, after burning hundreds of dollars on getting rejected from apartments.

We are still not making enough income to qualify for any apartment's 3x income expectation. But things have gotten easier, we got a co-signer, and the good news is, I'm moving into my new place safe and sound. Everything about it is lovely!

Except for one problem...

I DON'T HAVE A WORKING FRIDGE

This is my bad for not being more critical, but I've been burnt out from tour after rejection after tour, and every single other thing in that tour seemed fine. I even looked at the fridge and thought it seemed fine - maybe it broke in the meantime? In what world do they not even check if the fridge is working before renting the place out??? Landlords are detached from society.

I've lived before out of a minifridge, but I am learning very quickly that not having a fridge at all is inhumane. The weather has been terrible with wildfire smoke and smothering humidity, and I have been getting more physical exercise in the past few days than I do in months, and I don't get cold water. I have two cats, so I have to start buying smaller cans of cat food. I had to throw out a can of their food once I noticed the fridge wasn't working, and at that point it had permanently infused the fridge with the smell of rotting Hell itself.

Back at the old apartment, I have a functioning fridge for now, but gas is expensive and I have to save it for actually important trips. And I have no idea what's going to happen if the old lease runs out before I get a new fridge. At my previous apartment we had an actively dangerous oven and it took A MONTH to replace; maybe it'll be resolved by tomorrow but I don't know and I have to start planning now. Am I just going to have to throw out my entire fridge and start over next month? Landlord won't say!

I feel guilty asking, so I will make it clear: I am no longer in a life-or-death emergency. This is a terrible situation when my household is already down at least $2000 on moving expenses, but I will live; if you have to choose between feeding myself or you, choose yourself. It's just an unfathomably shit situation and I wanted to give a life update for the people who helped me get this far.

Every bit helps. I'll turn off reblogs when my situation is resolved.

[brookebeebe-blog]

July 30th - Monkey Mountain, Kaohsiung Museum of Fine Arts, Alien Art Center

Cough still present, maybe slightly better. Today, was an early and miserable start. We woke up at 7:15 to get ready for the hike (which was a voluntary choice for some reason). We took the train and then walked about 20 minutes to the start of the trail. I did not know what I was in for. I thought it was going to be an easy hike to see the native monkeys because apparently, they inhabit the trail pretty heavily. We saw some monkeys as soon as we started and I should have turned back. Unfortunately, I decided to stay with the group. We hiked up pretty far and I was feeling good, but we started to realize it was going to take longer than 1 hour. We kept going and decided we would have to take a shortcut because we weren’t going to be able to do the full easy loop. A man speaking Chinese was trying to direct us away from the trail, but none of us completely understood why. So, we headed off to our deaths. This was arguably the hardest trail I have ever climbed in my entire life. Not only was the ground muddy, the humidity and heat were unbearable. Not to mention, the climbing we had to do because it was so steep. Also, most of us had run out of water at this point because we thought we were going for a casual stroll. My heart rate was a solid 179 as we ascended, and I was trying to be very cautious with it and told myself I would stop at 180 because of my health issues. After about 30 minutes of genuine torture, we found a woman who spoke to us in Chinese about getting to the top. She could tell we were struggling and decided to be our tour guide. She had to be about 50 to 60, so it was very humbling. Each of us were drenched in sweat. I had to take my shirt off and it looked like it was dunked into a pool. We finally got to the top and saw a bunch of monkeys, but as far as I was concerned, I was ready to leave. The woman who was our brand new tour guide said we couldn’t go down the way we went up because it was too dangerous, so we had to go the long way. Finally, we made it all the way back down and I realized I was getting sick from dehydration. I didn’t want to drink any more water, I started shaking, and I started to get very nauseous. I took a Zofran that I brought with me to keep my fluids down and tried to drink my last bottle. When we got back to the hotel, it was already time to start the activities for the day, which included two art museums. They were cool and I saw some pretty art, but the problem is that we weren’t allowed fluids in the museum, so my dehydration was not getting any better. I picked up an apple juice and cookies at the gift shop for some quick sugar, but it made me more nauseous. The fun didn’t end there though because we had to go to another museum, which also did not allow fluids. I was so ready to go back at this point and kept getting worse. Honestly, I don’t remember much of the second museum and I ended up sitting in the bus to cool down. We finally got back to the hotel and I am patiently waiting for it to be time to take my next dose of Zofran. I haven’t been able to eat much or drink, so I’m trying to get some fluids down as I write this.

Academic Reflection

It’s only fair that I reflect on Monkey Mountain (aka Shoushan Mountain). Shoushan Mountain is located in the southwest area of Kaohsiung. It lies 365 meters above sea level and is about 5 km long and 2.5 km wide. The mountain was formed from coral reefs pushed up from collision between the Eurasian and Philippine Plates. It gets its name from the hundreds of Formosan Macaques that inhibit the area. The mountain is also home to some of the earliest archaeological remains ever found in Kaohsiung, dating at about 5,000 years old. The area also served as a military installation during the Qing dynasty. The difficulty is supposed to be moderate, but that has to be for the installed path. I would beg to differ about the difficulty rating for this, but I guess it depends on which way you decide to go. Apparently, from a few blogs I was reading about it, the monkeys are quite aggressive and do attack people if they look at them in their eyes. They also like to steal food. I am glad I got to see it once, but I cannot say I will be going back anytime soon.

Citations

https://eng.taiwan.net.tw/m1.aspx?sNo=0002121&id=20

https://www.foreignersintaiwan.com/blog/monkey-mountain-shoushan

[marithlizard]

First impressions of Helluva Boss s2e9, "Apology Tour"

Is it weird that I feel even more reluctant to hit play this time? I knew what was waiting in Full Moon and how much it would hurt. Whatever emotional sharks are swimming in s2e9, they have bigger teeth.

Beautiful garden, is this still in the palace or is Stolas on vacation? He certainly seemed to be shutting up the palace last episode.

Annnd here comes Blitz over the wall with apology attempt #1. Prediction: It will be sincere but quickly turn into defensive anger when it's not accepted, and he will dig himself even deeper.

…oh no. He's pretending everything is normal instead

it is not, Blitz

it's really not

Maybe the way the plants are trying to eat you should be a clue

"I want to feel like I'm earning my way to earth". Well, isn't that interesting. Huh.

I've always known Blitz was proud - he's never bragged to anyone about his access to a prince of Hell, or tried to use it in any way. (Stolas would have gladly made a phone call to get Loona her appointment sooner, if nothing else.) I can certainly believe he doesn't want charity.

But that's not at all what the problem is here and you know it

The change in expression from aggressive confident seduction (Blitz do you realize you sound exactly like Chaz) to "you don't want me?"

Never play poker, hon. When you tap your claws together like that it means "oh shit I fucked up how can I make them stop being mad".

"So how about you respect that." Stolas, this man has never drunk a glass of Respect Boundary Juice in his life. He catcalls boundaries from street corners and does not call them back in the morning.

Wait. Verosika can't possibly know about the full moon breakup. She must have invited Stolas because of Ozzie's? And who else will be at this party?? Will Fizz be at this party? It'd be understandable if he still needs to vent from the years of bitter anger, but… I really hope he doesn't show.

Oh shit Barbie will be at this party.

How many relationships, romantic and otherwise, did Blitz fuck up but not care about enough to keep in his special photo gallery? Could be a lot. At least the sinners IMP has killed won't be at a human world party.

No, Stolas, Blitz doesn't really think that's the reason. He's just very very good at lying. His entire life has been a circus performance for unimpressed audiences. You're looking at a grownup version of the little boy with worm horse.

"So what are you doing here then?" YES GOOD STOLAS GET HIS ASS beautiful shot there. I feel like a sportsball commentator.

sigh I know I predicted you would dig yourself deeper, Blitz, but did you have to use a power drill?

I'm proud of Stolas for so clearly and honestly saying what he wants and doesn't want. It'd be so understandable to go straight to "Fuck off and never contact me again", but he's not doing that because he understands his own heart.

Oooh oooh OOH they're finally talking about Striker!

Shit. Blitz keeps letting his real emotions show on his face for a few seconds and then turning up the Dragon Driller X000 even more to dig himself still deeper. I got nothing this time, buddy. That "love ballads" fakeout was indefensibly nasty.

I like the angry tail-lashing with sound effects, though. This might be the angriest we've ever seen any imp be.

"I can sorry more people, everyone but you!" I was right? "Apology Tour" really is going to be Blitz going around to apologize to people he's wronged? But, uh, I did think it would be more sincere repentance and less of a fuck-you gesture.

Well. Stolas 500, Blitz 0 is the final score for THAT conversation.

Is Blitz going to go to the anti-Blitzo party in order to resentfully and insincerely apologize to the attendees? That is one of the worst ideas I've EVER heard.

Oh no he's got a list! YES APOLOGIZE TO MOXXIE

MARTHA! Blitz is actually putting the people he killed on this list?? Like, he recognizes that it was wrong in some way? huh.

a gift basket

a "sorry we killed you" gift basket

my mind is leaping straight past the absurdity into the math how many gift baskets can you afford Blitz oh no wait, he probably just stole a whole shop of them from the human world.

In which case take it Martha, when will you ever get to eat Earth food again?

wait

I take it all back, Mrs. Mayberry and Martha shacking up is the funniest thing I've seen all year. Everyone's mood is improved all round, good job Blitz.

But that list ought to be nineteen pages long at minimum, you just wrote down a dozen easy ones because this is a performative gesture to make yourself feel better

And the DHORK agents get a little card with a horsey! Guess they didn't rate a gift basket. (I like how distinctly different the new Asmodean crystal portals are, and how easy it seems to be for Blitzo to use them. Guess it is an upgrade after all.)

Jesse the hot bouncer? That IS low-hanging fruit, you probably weren't even the rudest person he dealt with that night.

What on earth are these "funny" texts you've been sending Stolas? Not exactly A-list material wait are you actually typing out a genuine apology?

Nope, not sending it. Not ready yet.

Loo Loo Land's still in ruins. I thought we saw them rebuilding it in "Exes and Ohs", but maybe Mammon changed his mind.

Can't deal with Moxxie, there must be someone really easy to apologize to - I know, corpses!

pfft I would've liked to see him give a little speech at the Hollys.

Yeah, the cherubs deserved that. And now we've run out of excuses to avoid the party.

That's the first time we've ever seen anyone comment on Blitz's scars. I'm just glad he didn't kill them.

Quite a well-attended party, I can see making that decor was very cathartic for you Verosika. Stolas out of place and unhappy - I wonder what he expected? Lovely costume, though, I like that much better than the royal romper.

Verosika looks different when out of her glamorous work getups, doesn't she? More like a relatable person.

Hey, there's a sack of some sort of party supplies from Bee! I guess she and Vortex have no reason to care about Loona's "dad guy" more than in passing.

(You know, for an animation helmed by someone who gets constantly attacked for being fatphobic and never drawing body diversity, I see a far number of hot larger bodies in this episode. Just saying.)

"Sorry for fucking your mom, though I thought it was your dad" - Standup comedians wish they could think up lines as awful as what Blitzo throws off the cuff.

I really thought a lot of the images from the trailer must be hallucinations or dream sequences. But no, Blitz just finally realized that he is in a room full of people who would love to kill him slowly as a party game, and took cover. It's amazing he made it across the room without being recognized.

BWHAHAHA IT'S DENNIS. Who I really should feel bad for. He didn't do anything.

Wow, that is - not a musical style I expected from Stolas. But Blitz needs to hear this and lord knows Stolas needs to sing his heart out to a sympathetic audience for once.

I got too caught up to remember to comment for a bit, but they are talking! I didn't think they would get this far!

Look at those fingers- that's not the "how can I get out of trouble" tell, that's - I don't know what, something more honest. Blitz cares, it's obvious he does, he doesn't want Stolas to be hurting like this and yet he can't make himself say the words Stolas says he wants to hear.

And - that's a good thing? This isn't a romcom, if he said those things right now neither of them would really be able to believe it. And despite his jealousy, Blitz doesn't try to stop Stolas from going off to dance with someone else. He lets him go, he doesn't make a scene, and now I think he's going to go apologize to Verosika. For real, even.

Good job, Blitz. First really right move you've made all episode.

Verosika overheard their conversation, at least enough to know about the apology tour?

sigh Well, I guess he always does have have to try his circus act first. It's so much safer than sincerity.

Oof. That's why he bailed? That's all? Nothing about him wanting kids, or her drinking, or sexual incompatibility. Just him being afraid of commitment. And he couldn't even just dump her, judging by her song at Ozzie's; it must have been a drawn-out thing of him becoming less responsive over time and then running away with her wallet.

At least some self-reflection is happening. And jealousy! While I'm very glad that Verosika stopped him, I'm also glad to know that Blitz thinks of Stolas as his bird.

She served him the piece with his own heart on it. 9000 points for style, Verosika. I hope you find the right demon for you.

I think Wally is just there to sell merch and not because he also feels personally victimized.

HAH her song haunting him on the radio is perfect.

Stolas's dance partner is in the credits as ""Better than Blitzo" Guy" pfft. (at least I assume that's him)

Conclusion: 10/10, ending on a more hopeful note than I expected. I'm so glad they didn't do a B plot this time; it would've been really jarring, and the silly apologies sequence gave us enough of a breather between the heavy scenes.

[caswellseyes]

Ooooo 12 for Willex? Have a good day, and good luck on the work, my dino bones bestie!!!

i was hoping someone would ask for this one!! tysm, dino bone bestie! i am indeed making good progress on the work - deadline one (big exam) was completed and deadline two (ba thesis proposal) is coming along pretty well. but first, it's willex time!

12. "How come you always end up in my bed?"

Alex sighs and turns over for the seventh time in two minutes. And no, that’s not an exaggeration. He’s counting. 

Look, he likes being on tour just as much as his band members. He loves being on stage and sharing their music with the fans. The meet and greets were scary, at first, but he’s gotten used to them by now and it is always cool to meet fans, though he’ll never be a little worried about disappointing them. It’s wonderful to go to so many places, to do some sightseeing between the work. All in all, he loves touring.

He does not love hotel rooms. 

Hotels in general are pretty cool. They have the little soaps you can take, and free pens, and hotel breakfasts are the best. It’s really fun to be just down the hall from his friends, and occasionally, to share rooms with them. 

No, the problem isn’t hotels. It’s just hotel beds specifically. And, even more specifically, the blankets.

Alex runs cold. This is not news to anyone who’s ever met him. His hands are cold and his feet are cold and yes, he wears hoodies no matter what time of year. It’s just a thing, okay? And these stupid thin hotel blankets do not accommodate for that. At all. 

He actually has an extra blanket on the bus that he brings to the hotels with him. It’s huge and soft, pink on one side and white on the other. It’s fluffy and warm and absolutely perfect.

And he forgot it on the bus this morning. It’s just him and his cold feet and hands and nose, somehow, against the world.

The shitty thin blanket the hotel provided doesn’t count. Alex doesn’t think that one’s on his side. No, it’s just him.

Well.

Not entirely.

Alex glances to the side, at the undisturbed lump lying next to him. Willie is snoring softly, the only thing visible the very top of his head and the start of the braid he put his hair in earlier. 

Yeah, that’s one more thing Alex loves about being on tour. Sharing a room, a bed, with his boyfriend every night. And waking up next to them in the morning, and going through their routines together, and everything else that comes with it. It’s domestic and fun and absolutely perfect.

And, perhaps most importantly right now, it comes with cuddles. 

Carefully, so he doesn’t wake Willie up, Alex shifts closer. He lifts up the end of Willie’s blanket – for some reason, they have separate ones in this bed – and slides under it. He tosses his own blanket on top of it for good measure. Then, Alex shuffles around until he can wrap his arms around Willie and pull their back against his chest. Then, once he’s comfortable, and already starting to feel less cold, he tucks his nose in the crook of Willie’s neck.

The snoring stops. Alex freezes.

“How come you always end up under my blanket?” A sleepy voice mumbles.

Alex feels a hand pat along his arm until it reaches his own hand, linking their fingers together. He squeezes softly.

“Sorry,” he whispers. Willie still sounds half-asleep, and the last thing Alex wants to do is wake them up completely by talking loudly. “I was just cold.”

“I could tell.” Willie chuckles. It’s followed immediately by a yawn. “We should get you a nose warmer. Like the ones for your ears, but then your nose. Or, like, a nose glove.”

Alex pulls his head back. ���Sorry,” he repeats. “I tried not to wake you up.”

Willie turns in his hold so that he’s face to face with Alex. They wrap their arms around him. 

“Don’t be sorry,” he says, yawning once more. “It got me cuddles. I like cuddles.”

“I know you do.” Alex presses his lips to Willie’s forehead in a soft kiss. Thankfully, his lips don’t seem to be as cold as his nose. “Now go back to sleep.”

Willie snuggles closer into Alex’s chest. Soon enough, the snores start up again. 

This time, when Alex tucks his nose into Willie’s hair, Willie sleeps on.

[discluded]

If my actions towards my fave resulted in a statement from the CEO & my fave tell me to pack it up I would just delete myself from the Internet. I know tss don't care about Mile even a little bit but the dude finally got his own poster like 2 days ago and who knew him posting photos of it's advertising debut could have resulted in such a shitshow. Man got 1 day of promo and also stopped posting about it too as soon as it became a huge deal, This should be the time both him and Apo should be overwhelmed with joy at all the promos.

Haha, I'm gonna put these two together if it's okay, if only because I also want to use the second one to highlight a point.

I'm currently struggling with the idea of whether or not these kinds of people are really "fans" but given that the word fan comes from fanatic, their behavior does count as such

I actually particularly liked that Merriam-Webster added this one:

It also gives me a pause what it means to be a "fan" of someone of what you know them for (eg, being an actor) and are no longer supporting that art. Obviously, in the situation with Apo, these fanatics are proposing a boycott of the movie that Apo is starring in in order to get their way. On the other hand, Apo has always drawn a line between the personal and the professional. He's very passionate about the fact he's an actor, and he is a professional model and of course art needs to be funded nor can we expect someone to be always working.

But if you are boycotting the art of the artist you're a fan of, then what are you actually a fan of? I think therein lies the problem with the acceleration of famous-for-being-famous, microcelebrity and online celebrity culture, where people make their entire personas into brands.

As with the second case, if the artist is no longer an artist (on account of burning every single professional bridge and even the foundations of ones that can be built) then what is there left to be a fan of? His video game streaming?

I've had some interesting conversations with @blramblingx2 the last couple of days about specifically microcelebrity culture within Chinese fandoms, which can be boiled down to: when there are 1.6 billion people, everyone is a drop in a bucket. People feel that their direct support (read: historical definition of patronage) is contributing to the success of an individual. The more "microcelebrity" an individual is, the more the self-perceived importance of the fan's patronage is in return.

In all these cases, it's about the fan's ego more than the actual artist or their art. That's why we see people claiming that Apo is their "favorite" hurt by his comments rather than than respecting his perspective and trying to avoid hurting him again. So many of them have already thrown a fit and left. (My worry is that their fanaticism is so deep they won't leave him, which is more of a problem for him.)

Of course, no one is always working, and there are fans who stood by Apo's side even when he was in New York and excitedly anticipated his return. Musicians take hiatuses between albums and tours. But this is why I always try to emphasize my role in supporting Mile and Apo's work even when I'm a fan of them as individuals. You can't divorce the artist from the art nor the artist from the times they're not working.

But I'm trying to respect boundaries they both have set between the private and professional, and hoping to set an example too in how to be a fan. I'll say this as someone who produces art too -- it is touching when your work affects and moves people as the creator. And they are genuine in their affection to fans. Let's as fans always prioritize supporting the art they are so proud of that they know moves so many and helps them gain new fans.

Anyway I don't have a good conclusion to this today, but please enjoy this adorable picture of Apo. 🤏