#the king wants cheeseburgers

[otisbeerdraws]

Happy 14th anniversary to two of my oldest YTP series: The King wants Cheeseburgers and King Crisis! 👑🍔

[meleemario720]

I made so many YouTube Poops using footage of it, but I never actually owned a copy of Sneak King until now.

[blookmallow]

i like how instacart tells you if someone has shopped orders for you before like oh hey its michelle again. i wonder how many of the same doordash drivers ive had. do they see my order like ah theres the mcdonalds house again. i wonder what that job is like i bet you get really weird insight into the neighborhood doing that

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　STURNIOLO'S GO TO THE SUPERMARKET

nate doe x sturniolo sister!reader

SUMMARY: Where Y/N, younger sister of the triplets and Nate's girlfriend, participates on the 'Sturniolo Triplets go to Europe' video.

WARNING: None.

REQUESTED?: Yes, by anon.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

A/N²: I'm so sorry for my writing on this one, I feel like I'm doing horribly these past fics ;(

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

The car hummed softly as Chris maneuvered through the Burger King drive-thru lane, his hand resting lazily on the wheel. Matt sat in the passenger seat, holding the camera aimed casually toward the rest of the group while Nick sat directly behind Chris, leaning forward slightly to catch glimpses of the menu ahead. Nate was behind Matt with his arm draped comfortably over Y/N, who was nestled between him and Nick.

"You getting your apple pie, babe?" Nate asked, his voice low as he turned his head to Y/N, his thumb absentmindedly brushing over her shoulder.

She glanced up at him, her eyes sparkling with mock offense.

"When do I not get my apple pie?" She quipped, a playful smile tugging at her lips.

"Fair point." He said, chuckling, his pearly teeth making an appearance. Nick, overhearing, snorted.

"She’s literally more predictable than Chris when it comes to Pepsi." Nick teased, earning a playful nudge from Y/N.

"You're just jealous." Y/N shot back with a grin, sticking her tongue out at her older brother.

"Yeah, okay." He replied sarcastically. "Jealous of having a partner who steals half my fries every time we eat."

"Nate, blink twice if you need help." Chris chimed in, earning laughs from Matt.

"She doesn’t steal them." Nate answered Nick, purposefully ignoring Chris. "She claims what’s rightfully hers."

Y/N snorted as Matt turned to face the camera, raising an eyebrow.

"This is what we have to deal with every time we come to Boston, folks."

When they reached the intercom, Nick leaned forward with a gentle smile, his tone dripping with kindness.

"Hi! How are you?"

Y/N looked at the woman from above Nick's shoulder, quickly joining in.

"Oh, you’re the pretty woman who got our orders last time!" Her voice sounded warm and cheerful.

The woman on the other end chuckled.

"Back again, huh? Can you just... just give me one second?"

"Of course, no problem!"

As they waited, Nick turned to the rest of the car, holding up his phone.

"Okay, Matt, you’re getting two plain cheeseburgers. Nate, two plain cheeseburgers with pickles. Chris and Y/N, one plain cheeseburger each. Everybody’s getting fries. Chris wants a Dr. Pepper, Nathan wants root beer, and you’re splitting it with Y/N. Matt, you’re skipping soda. Y/N, you want an apple pie."

Everyone stared at him for a beat before nodding in unison.

"How do you remember that every time?" Nate asked, meeting Chris’s eyes through the rearview, widening his as if asking 'how crazy is he for that?'.

"Because none of you have the courage to make your own orders." Nick retorted smugly, folding his arms.

When the woman returned to the speaker, Y/N jumped in to help Nick relay the orders, letting him list the items while she clarified little details, like, "No ketchup on Matt's burger, please", and, "Yes, we want mayo packets".

Once it was finalized and paid for, they pulled forward, settling into a comfortable buzz of conversation while waiting for the food, the sound of Chris's fingers tapping the steering wheel with a rhythm only he could hear echoing as background noise.

Y/N leaned back against her seat, a realization look crossing her face.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you guys." She started, her voice soft but filled with excitement. "I talked to Breanna this morning. She’s so excited about the wedding. And honestly, the way she talks about Ryan..." She trailed off, shaking her head with a soft smile. "She just sounded so in love. It’s the sweetest thing. You can tell how happy they make each other. It’s amazing."

Nick nodded quickly, letting his phone fall from his hands to his lap, turning to Y/N.

"True! I texted her yesterday, and she told me about how Ryan's been so involved with the wedding planning." He commented. "I can't wait to see the decor-"

"I was the knight in shining armor in your-" Chris cut Nick's trail of though, singing a song that, apparently, was on his mind the whole day, showing how little attention he was paying them.

"Chris." Y/N interrupted sharply, rolling her eyes before looking at Nate with a 'is he being serious right now?' look. "Shut the fuck up. That’s the fourth time today."

Chris spun around in his seat dramatically, almost hitting Matt's hand still holding the camera.

"You shut the fuck up."

Before Y/N could fire back, Nick cut in, groaning loudly.

"Can you both shut your gay mouths, please?"

Chris cackled at Nick’s deadpan delivery.

"Nick, don’t call me that with your gay mouth... unless you want me to kiss you on that gay mouth."

"Great, now I forgot what I was saying." Y/N leaned back, sighing loudly.

Nate laughed at them, exchanging a shake of head with Matt while pulling Y/N closer.

Before long, their food was handed through the window, bags crinkling as Matt took them from Chris and carefully distributed everything while the youngest triplet found a space to park.

"Okay, who’s plain cheeseburger with pickles?" Matt asked, holding up a wrapper.

"That’s me." Nate said, taking both burgers with one hand while the other stayed firmly holding the cup full of Dr. Pepper.

As they began unwrapping their food, Matt reached over to steal a fry from Y/N’s box - which she had out on the car console, earning him a swat on the hand.

"Touch my fries again, and I’ll start charging you rent." She warned, narrowing her eyes.

The conversation turned light and casual as they ate, filled with the usual teasing and laughter, with comments directed to the camera. Between bites of her burger, Y/N turned to the group.

"So, are you guys excited? Milan, first fashion show, Prada? Kind of a big deal."

"Are you kidding?" Matt said, wiping his hands on a napkin. "It’s insane. I’m still trying to figure out why they invited us."

"Because you’re their model now, Matt. And they obviously also love Nick and Chris. Do you realize how many gifts you three received from them just in the last three months?" Y/N replied matter-of-factly.

Chris shrugged.

"She’s not wrong. I mean, we’re kind of a big deal there."

"She's right." Nate nodded, noticing that she had just taken the last bite of her cheeseburger. "Matt will be a real model in no time."

His hands were quick to leave his own second burger on top of his legs and pick Y/N's apple pie from the car console, opening the packaging carefully before taking the crumpled wrapper from her hands and tossing it into the paper bag at his feet, finally handing the sweet pie to her.

A bright smile stretched across her face, directed at him, silently thanking him before taking a bite.

"And I'll be waiting for Sebastian Stan's autograph."

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

The bright fluorescent lights of the supermarket reflected off the aluminum cart Matt was pulling, the squeaky wheels occasionally echoing down the empty aisles. The five of them walked together, Chris holding the camera and making sure to record everything.

"All we need to think of is what we’re eating tonight, and then we’re leaving tomorrow." Nick said to the camera, his tone matter-of-fact.

Y/N, holding Nate’s hand tightly, froze mid-step. Her eyes widened as she turned to Nick, her expression a mix of shock and disappointment.

"Wait, no! Is it tomorrow already?" She asked, her voice laced with sadness. Her lips formed a pout as she stared at her older brother, the reality that she just had a few more days with her brothers before they went to Milan and their routine went back to the usual - them in LA, her in Boston - hitting her hard.

Nick turned his head to her, softening at her expression.

"Yeah." He said, almost apologetically. "Tomorrow is Saturday already, so we’ll have breakfast, lunch, and maybe dinner, depending on how late we leave."

Her shoulders slumped slightly, her pout deepening. Nick sighed softly before stepping by her side, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her against him as they kept walking.

"Come here, sweetheart." He muttered, ruffling her hair gently with his free hand. "Don’t look at me like that. You know we’ll be back soon."

Y/N let herself melt into the hug, though the pout didn’t leave her face.

"I just don’t want to be away from you guys again." She mumbled. "It’s been so nice having you here for so long."

Nate watched them with a soft smile, his hands buried on his hoodie pockets.

"We’ll miss you guys, you know? It’s been fun having all of you back." He added.

"We’ll be back in no time." Chris lowered the camera slightly, his tone unusually sincere. “Let’s not think about that now, though. Let’s enjoy the rest of these days, alright? We still have the whole wedding together."

Y/N nodded reluctantly, her spirits lifting slightly as Nick gave her a squeeze before letting her go. Nate reached for her hand again, threading his fingers through hers and giving her a reassuring squeeze.

They turned into an aisle lined with shelves of sweet treats, and Nick perked up instantly, scanning the options.

"I think we should get powdered donuts or something." He suggested, pointing to a shelf. "You guys like those, right? And then we should get milk and cereal." He looked at Chris and Matt expectantly, but neither answered, both seemingly distracted by something on the shelf opposite them. "Yeah?"

Noticing the silence, Nate chimed in, chuckling.

"Yeah, Nick, I agree. Powdered donuts sound good."

Chris snorted at Nate’s answer, glancing up from the camera.

"Yeah, sounds good." He said, finally catching on. Matt nodded in agreement, still looking at the random colorful items on the right shelf.

Y/N looked around them, quickly spotting the sweet treat. She wandered a few steps ahead, grabbing a pack for her brothers. As she walked back toward the group, she glanced at Nate.

"Babe, do we still have powdered donuts at home?" She asked him.

Nate frowned, seeming to think for a second before shaking his head slightly.

"Nah, it’s almost gone. I think there’s like one left."

Y/N frowned thoughtfully, then turned back to the shelf to grab an extra pack, tossing it into the cart.

"Alright, one for you guys, one for us."

Nick watched her as she added the donuts to the cart, then turned back to the camera.

"Okay, so tonight, we’re going to make pasta with sauce-"

"I want Mac N Cheese." Chris interrupted from behind the camera, speaking over him.

At the exact same time, Y/N also talked, turning to them from a shelf full of cookies that she adored.

"If you’re having pasta, I’m having dinner with you again."

Nick stopped mid-sentence, looking between them with exaggerated annoyance.

"Alright, listen." He said, holding up a hand to stop any further interruptions. "We can get mac n cheese to eat tomorrow..." He compromised. "And you both can stay with us tonight." He added, looking at Nate and Y/N. "Deal?"

Y/N beamed, her earlier sadness momentarily forgotten.

"Deal." She said, happily observing Matt grabbing a box of Mac N Cheese from the nearby shelf and placing it in the cart.

Chris turned the camera toward her with a grin.

"The way she’s acting like this is some grand negotiation is crazy."

"Because it is!" Y/N replied, laughing as she moved to stand beside Nate again.

"Y/N’s just excited to spend more time with us." Nathan slid an arm around her waist, pressing a light kiss to her temple.

"She loves us too much." Matt teased, earning an eye roll from his sister.

"Can’t argue with that." Y/N shot back with a grin.

Nick resumed his walk, pulling the cart and making his way to the front of the group as they approached the refrigerated section. Without a word, he reached for the milk, sliding two cartons into the cart Matt was pushing.

"Milk’s in." He announced to no one in particular, already walking again, pulling the cart with him this time.

The others followed behind, their laughter and chatter echoing softly.

As they passed the hygiene products aisle, Matt - who was looking around while talking to Y/N and Chris - slowed his pace, his mischievous grin already forming as he placed his hands heavily on Nate’s shoulders.

"Hey, shouldn’t you grab some condoms, Nate?" His voice carried just enough volume to catch the attention of the rest of the group, quickly bursting into exaggerated laughter, reacting as if he was the funniest person in the world.

Nate froze mid-step, his face going red as a chuckle immediately erupted from his throat.

"Bro, what?" He choked out, his tone both incredulous and amused.

Y/N, walking beside Chris, immediately rolled her eyes, clearly used to Matt’s way. But instead of letting the comment slide, she crossed her arms and tilted her head with a sly smirk.

"Nah, we don’t need them anymore." She quipped, her tone light as if she was talking about the weather, keeping walking.

The air froze for a split second. Matt’s jaw dropped, Chris nearly dropped the camera, and Nick snapped his head around so fast it was a miracle he didn’t break his neck.

"Wait, what?" Nick blurted, his voice high-pitched and absolutely panicked as his wide eyes locked on Y/N.

Nate froze, blinking in confusion before looking at Y/N with a gaze that screamed 'you didn’t just say that', noticing the playful glint in her eye and the way she was trying not to laugh.

Matt, however, didn’t.

"Excuse me?" He shouted, his voice filled with a mixture of horror and disbelief. "You’re kidding, right? You’re kidding!" He gestured wildly between the couple, his eyes going from them to the camera in Chris's hands and back, clearly unsure if he wanted them to keep filming or put the camera down and probably faint.

Y/N, unable to keep a straight face anymore, burst out laughing, doubling over as she clung to Nate’s arm for support.

"Oh my God, you should see your faces!" She wheezed, her shoulders shaking as tears of laughter formed in her eyes. "I'm not pregnant. We're safe. It was a joke, Matt! A joke!"

Nick groaned, dragging a hand down his face in exasperation.

"You are the worst." He muttered, though his lips twitched like he was fighting back a smile, shaking his head while returning his walk.

Chris exhaled a long, dramatic breath, trying to steady the camera above his trembling fingers.

"What is wrong with you?" He asked, his voice still tinged with lingering panic. "I almost had a heart attack, you know?"

Nate chuckled, nodding his head as he looked down at Y/N, who was still laughing.

"You’re trouble." He teased, his tone soft and affectionate, kissing her temple softly before nuzzling her hair, exhaling the fresh scent of shampoo from their shower earlier. "Pure trouble."

Matt finally straightened up, pinching his nose bridge with his fingers.

"You're not my favorite sibling anymore after that." He affirmed, shaking his head.

Still giggling, Y/N waved her hand dismissively.

"You’ll get over it." She said, sealing her lips with Nate's for only a second before walking toward Nick, leaving the others behind.

"Anyone want juice?" Nick asked over his shoulder, his attention already shifting to the brightly colored juice aisle.

"Lemonade!" Matt called out immediately, forgetting about what had happened not even 5 minutes before, spinning on his heel and heading down the aisle without waiting for anyone to answer.

He grabbed a single plastic bottle of juice, walking just some steps closer to the group before placing the lemonade bottle in front of his covered crotch.

"Come drink it, Nate." He said, wiggling his eyebrows and holding the juice suggestively.

Nate let out a bark of laughter, shaking his head as he looked at Matt and then at Chris, who was with a disbelief look on his eyes.

"You’re sick." He said, his tone dripping with mock disgust, waving his hand at the triplet.

Y/N, who had just turned back to pick some apple juice for her, froze for a second, her eyes wide.

"Oh my fuck, Matt." She muttered, running a hand through her face before glancing at the camera. "Well, my boyfriend’s boyfriend, everyone." She said dryly, throwing a pointed look at Nate, who was still laughing.

Nick, who was now at the cart putting some strawberry yogurt in, looked up sharply at Matt's figure approaching with the juice still in front of his dick, his face stern.

"Matt, put it down." He said, his tone that of an annoyed parent dealing with a disobedient child.

Matt laughed harder, but he did as Nick said, setting the lemonade by the yogurt's side with an exaggerated sigh.

"You guys ruin all my fun." He muttered, though the smile never left his face.

Their next stop was the cereal aisle, where Chris immediately zeroed in on a brightly colored box of cereal.

"Fruit Loops Rainbow Sherbet Scoops." He read aloud, holding up the box so everyone could see. His tone was a mix of awe and disbelief while reading the small descriptions.

Nick wrinkled his nose, looking at it over Chris's shoulder for a second without stopping walking.

"That looks horrible-" He began, but Y/N cut him off, her face lighting up as she stepped forward.

"No, shut up, it looks cute! I want it." She said, her excitement clear as she moved to Chris’s side to get a closer look at the box. She tilted her head as she read the description over his shoulder. "Wait, it cools your mouth? That sounds so cool."

Chris grinned, passing her the box.

"Alright, it’s yours, kid." He said, handing it over like it was a prized trophy.

Nick sighed, though there was a hint of fondness in his expression, his eyes meeting Nate’s, who just shrugged as if to say 'there's nothing you can do besides accepting it, bro, I've tried'.

"Fine, put it in the cart." He said, waving a hand dismissively. "But don’t complain to me if it tastes like toothpaste."

"It won’t." She said, grinning.

After that, he group made their way to the pasta aisle. The shelves were stacked high with every type of pasta imaginable, from spaghetti to bowties, and Nick was quick to reach for a box of rigatoni and a jar of vodka sauce, stopping in front of the cart and holding them up for everyone to see.

"Okay, rigatoni and vodka sauce." He said, looking around the group. "Do you guys want to get a different pasta shape, or is this good-"

Before he could finish, Matt’s voice rang out from behind the camera in an exaggerated baby tone.

"I want ice cream sauce..." His voice was so ridiculous that it was impossible not to laugh, and he immediately broke into a fit of giggles at his own joke.

Nick’s expression didn’t falter, his face a mask of pure boredom as he glanced directly at Matt.

"You’re so funny, Matt." He deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

"I’m kidding." Matt said between chuckles, zooming the camera in on Nick’s annoyed face before panning back to the group.

Nick turned back to Y/N and Nate, ignoring Matt entirely.

"So, are you guys okay with this for dinner?" He asked, holding up the rigatoni and sauce again.

Y/N, standing close to Nate, was quick to respond.

"Nick, you know I love vodka sauce." She said, shrugging as she placed a hand on her hip. "You could’ve picked any pasta, and I’d still be happy."

Nate nodded in agreement, his hand resting lightly on Y/N’s lower back.

"Yeah, I fuck with it." He said with a grin, his casual tone earning a laugh from Chris behind the camera.

"Perfect." Nick said, tossing the items back into the cart. "Dinner settled. Let’s find a cashier and get out of here."

The group began walking toward the front of the store, their chatter light and easy as they weaved through the same aisles. They were almost at the registers when Matt, who had been walking beside Nick, suddenly froze mid-step.

"No way!" His tone was incredulous and loud. The abruptness of his reaction startled Nick, who jumped slightly, his hand tightening on the cart.

"What the hell, Matt?" Nick snapped, his tone exasperated as he turned to his brother.

But Matt wasn’t paying attention. His eyes were wide with excitement, and he bolted toward a nearby fridge like a kid in a candy store.

"Y/N, oh my God!" He shouted over his shoulder, his voice filled with pure glee. "Look at this!"

Y/N, initially confused by his sudden outburst, followed his gaze. When her eyes landed on what Matt was pointing at, her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"No way!" She gasped, her excitement matching Matt’s as she grabbed Nate’s arm. "Babe, it’s apple cider!" She exclaimed, giving him a light shove before sprinting toward Matt.

"I can see that, angel." Nate's soft voice echoed from behind her, a laugh escaping his lips.

Matt was already standing by the fridge, practically bouncing on his heels as he pointed to the neatly lined rows of apple cider bottles.

"I thought it wasn’t the time of year anymore!" He said, his voice still filled with amazement as he grabbed one of the bottles and held it up for Y/N to see.

Y/N joined him, her eyes wide with joy as she stared at the cider.

"This is amazing!" She declared dramatically, picking up a bottle of her own and cradling it like it was a prized possession.

"Kids are losing it over apple cider." Chris said through his laughter, zooming in on Y/N and Matt, who looked like they’d just won the lottery.

Nick, who had finally caught up with the group, shook his head in disbelief.

"You two are ridiculous." He muttered, though there was a fondness in his voice as he watched his siblings freak out over something as simple as apple cider. "Are you actually going to drink that?"

"Absolutely." Y/N said without hesitation, handing the bottle to Nate, who rolled his eyes lovingly, taking it from her before putting it in the cart.

"We can come back after LA to get more, yeah?" He said softly, his voice low enough that only she could hear as his hand found her hair, brushing a strand out of her eyes.

Y/N opened the biggest smile, her eyes meeting his full of love.

"That would be awesome!" She exclaimed, making him laugh, nodding softly.

"Alright, let’s pay and go before these two decide to move into the store." Nick said, steering the cart toward the registers.

As they made their way to the checkout, Matt turned to Y/N.

"I call first sip when we open it."

"Not a chance." Y/N shot back, crossing her arms while frowning deeply.

"Over an apple cider." Chris said sarcastically, shaking his head as he filmed them bickering all the way to the registers.

[patolemus]

Sterek fic recs: High School AU Edition

In honor of my conversation with @darling-winnie about same age!Sterek, as well as my promise to @oldefashioned, here are some high school au recs!

1. Double Cherries (And 'Extra' Hoodies) by undercoverbastard

“No, no - wait - don’t tell me,” Stiles suddenly said, leaning forward and grinning at the boy directly on his right, eyes gleaming with joy and mischief as he spoke. “You want… a salmon burger, swiss, with fruit, and a vanilla shake. Eh?”

Derek scowled, shoving his menu at Stiles as he slumped back. “No,” he said plainly. Stiles pouted.

“Too bad! That’s what I’m penning you in for, Eyebrows,” Stiles said, scribbling on his notepad as he stood and began to walk away. Derek huffed, opening his mouth to give Stiles his actual order, but the only word he got out was ‘I’ before Stiles waved him off without even looking back at Derek or down at the notepad, stride unbroken, as he recited:

“Double cheeseburger, half swiss, half cheddar, no pickles, curly fries, side honey mustard, strawberry milkshake, extra thick, double cherries.”

+.+.+

OR: alive hale family, alive claudia, and high school friends stiles/derek - all wrapped into one, based on a joke from a TV show i watched when i was 7, and then got wildly out of control!

Notes: adorable, I love their banter and the conection they have. Alive!Hale family is always such a treasure, and Claudia and Talia's friendship is great here. It's completed.

2. i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me) by bleepobleep

Derek gets in an accident and loses a few years of his memory; suddenly everything is different— he's not a freshman loser anymore, but a popular senior, captain of the basketball team, a shoo-in for prom king, too, and he should have everything he's ever wanted— except he doesn't seem to be friends with Stiles anymore.

Notes: Derek is not having a good time. Pookie just wants to be with his best friend but it turns out they're not best friends anymore and the world doesn't make sense because of it. A little angsty but it all works out. It's completed.

3. Don't Kiss and Tell by Hedwig221b

Paige has finally got the boyfriend she always wanted. The only thing is, said boyfriend doesn't touch her, doesn't kiss her and spends all his time with Stiles Stilinski. You'd think they were dating, or something...

Notes: When I tell you I go feral for this au every single time I read it! Hedwig has the best unhinged obsessive sterek fics and I'll swear on that, don't even try to change my mind. Poor Paige is definitely being led on here, and both Derek and Stiles are assholes in this one, but they're in love and they're completely devoted to each other, so it's okay (I know it doesn't make sense now, but it will. Trust). It's completed.

4. But Then What... by Stoney

Senior year is almost over, and all Stiles needs to do is keep his head down to survive. A teacher calls in a favor, leaving him stuck tutoring Derek Hale, one of the most popular jocks in school and a member of a group of douchecanoes who have bullied Stiles for years. He's someone Stiles totally hates. Totally. Like, doesn't like him even a little bit. DEFINITELY isn't attracted to him.

Except that is a total lie. Fuck his life, seriously.

Notes: Typical Jock/Nerd enemies to lovers only it's Stiles being incredibly paranoid and angsty all of the time lol. They both had me shaking my head because my babies truly don't know how to communicate, but we got there! Eventually. It's completed.

5. Just The Same by foxlavander

Something is seriously up with the captain of the lacrosse team. There's just no way Derek Hale is human. *** “I was wondering if you're even human. You move so quickly. I mean, it's ridiculously fast. No human should be able to move that fast, y'know? It's unfair for us. I mean, it's obvious you work out, and I don't, so that could be why, but like...I was just wondering if you were human, that's all.” “Stop talking, Stilinski, or I'll—” “Put me on the bench all season?” Stiles asks knowing full well that Derek Hale can't threaten him with shit.

Notes: This one is so good. Stiles is onto you, Derek! But seriously, they're so awesome in this one. And Derek bakes and he wants to open up a bakery and it's adorable. I love them and I love the Hales, everything is great. Look out for the werewolf reveal! It's completed.

6. The In Which Stiles Is Secretly Magic series by apocryphal

All Stiles wants from life is to learn to control his magic, keep his grades up, and not die horribly while saving Beacon Hills from supernatural threats. It's all going pretty well until Derek Hale, werewolf extraordinaire, has to go and ask him on a date. That asshole.

Notes: The lore for magic users in here is honestly so good. Love the world building! The Hales are alive in this one as well, which for me is always a plus. A little bit (maybe more than a little bit) angsty but it ends well. There's a few things going on, but basically Stiles is basically Deaton's apprentice and there are Rules(TM) he has to follow as a magic user. He's pretty badass though! The series is technically not finished, but both parts in the series are completed.

7. cheer up, babe by graveltotempo

He was the basketball captain. And he was a cheerleader. Can I make it any more clear? OR: Derek Hale thought he had his crush on Stiles Stilinski under control. And then Stiles decided to show up to school in a skirt.

Notes: Derek spends all 20k words thirsting over Stiles, as he should. Stiles gets to wear a skirt and be generally awesome. They are disgustingly sweet together.

8. Made Your Mark on Me (A Golden Tattoo) by writteninthewolfstar

Beacon Hills High and Lycan Heights High are well-known enemies. Derek Hale, Lycan Heights' star quarter-back, is well-known for being aggressive and arrogant. Imagine Stiles surprise when he discovers that Derek Hale is actually his soul-mate.

Notes: This one is very sweet. There's insecure Stiles and absolutely lovely Derek. It's abo with Omega!Stiles and Alpha!Derek, and it's actually pretty wholesome. Derek is like public enemy number one of BHHS and a jock, Stiles is a loner, and when they turn out to be soulmates they have to navigate what that means for it. It has 13 out of 14 chapters, last updated in March of 2024.

9. too busy being yours to fall for somebody else by whiry

Stiles, worried that Scott may actually leave him behind because of his newfound popularity, is desperate to cling to something away from the drama of Lydia Martin's amazing parties and the woes of high school lacrosse. What he finds is Derek Hale, a guy who seemingly hates Stiles at first, but slowly, and insistently, becomes friends with him. As their friendship grows, Stiles starts to wonder if they could ever become something more or if pushing what they have will lead him to being alone for good.

Notes: Also very sweet! It's strangers to friends to lovers, and Stiles falls out of love with Lydia without even realizing because he's fallen in love with Derek. The Hales are alive in this one, yay! The way sterek bonds over music is also so good! It's completed.

10. Stupid Over You by Wolfspurr

It's a Friday night, and instead of enjoying any of the numerous things he'd rather be doing, Stiles has been roped into dinner with his dad at the Hale's. On the plus side, Derek Hale will be there. On the minus side, Derek Hale will be there, and Stiles already has a hard enough time not making an ass of himself in front of the hottest guy in school. There's no way this can end well.

Notes: Overall amazing fic! Stiles is his oblivious awkward self that we all know and love, Derek is completely smitten with him. All this wrapped up in a dinner with the Hales and the Stilinskis. That's it, that's the fic. It's completed.

11. Six Minutes by CosmoKid

“What do you want?” Derek practically grows when Stiles is near enough to hear. He can definitely feel the werewolf vibes coming from the guy as well as the fuck off vibes that roll off him in tsunami-sized waves. Stiles has one thing he needs to say to Derek, but he also has eight million questions to ask him about the werewolf thing and he can barely sort out his thoughts as it is, let alone when there’s a ridiculously attractive werewolf who’s basically Adonis staring at him. Derek takes another drag of his cigarette and raises his eyebrows at Stiles expectantly. He shivers and blurts out, “Six minutes.” That makes Derek smirk, but it’s so condescending that even Harris would be impressed. “No offense, Kitten,” Derek starts and Stiles just narrows his eyes at the nickname. Derek keeps his eyes trained on Stiles as if to dare him to challenge the nickname. Stiles bites his tongue and resists it. “But you’re not really my type.”

Notes: This is not your typical high school au, but it's a nice change of pace. It's got werewolves, which we love, and bad boy Derek. Stiles stood no chances lol. It's completed.

12. The covalent bonds series by HaldFizzbin

Awkward Nerd Derek has been crushing on Handsome Jock Stiles since forever—so getting paired with him on a Chemistry project is definitely the best/worst thing that's ever happened to him.

Notes: I went on a little Nerd!Derek and Jock!Stiles fixation the other day so here we have it. Derek is awkward and funny and insecure and we love him. Stiles is Stiles, and he's awesome. The series is not finished, but all the parts of the series are complete.

13. It's Always Been You, Dumbass by stilinskisparkles

“Alright, cool, we should go,” Stiles says breezily, dusting off his hands as he stands. “We should?” “Yeah!” “But… Do you even care about photography?” “Not as much as I should,” Stiles plants both his hands on the table, bracketing Derek in, “You’ll have to correct my miscreant ways.”

Notes: Stiles is helplessly pining, Derek is painfully oblivious and the absolute last to find out. Somehow, they still go on like three dates together. It's pretty great, and it's completed.

14. can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time? by whirl

There's something strange about Beacon Hills. Stiles can't really put his finger on it, but the way certain classmates look at him at school and the way certain adults look at him in the grocery store has him curious. And it's not the sort of pitying looks that his mom's coworkers used to give him, but these ones are longer, more searching, like they're looking for something. Not to mention the weird noises that sometimes come from the woods when he runs, too human to be animal and too animal to be human. Plus the way the Hales have seemed to sequester themselves to the wild and give Stiles serious Cullen family vibes. But Stiles, like everyone else apparently, ignores it. Until it becomes too great to ignore and he has to investigate for himself and find out what is actually going on in Beacon Hills. +++ Or, the one where Stiles and Derek meet, hate each other, slowly get to know one another, and fall totally head over heels for each other all while avoiding curious classmates, an angry ex-girlfriend, and, oh yeah, imminent death.

Notes: This one is kinda crazy but in a good way! It's 120k words long so be prepared for that, and Stiles finds out about werewolves. Derek, pookie, I'm rooting for you all the way! Also Cora, my beloved. I adore her. Stiles is pretty confused all the time for a while there. It's completed.

15. scary stories and roasted goods by graveltotempo

“I have more, you know?” grumbled Jackson, clearing his throat. “Okay, fine. Here’s another; a man goes is staying at a hotel for the weekend. On his way to his room, he notices a door with no number on it-” “An albino woman with white skin and red eyes committed suicide in that room years ago,” finished Erica, inspecting her nails with a smirk. “We know that too.” “A babysitter goes to put two children to sleep in their room and notices a large creepy clown statue in the corner-” he tried again. “Get out of the house, we don’t have a clown statue,” said Allison, tried to hide a laugh at the flustered expression on Jackson’s face. “Two roommates in a room. Sarah says that she wants to go to a party and Mary wants to stay home-” “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn the lights on?” said Derek, and Stiles laughed, looking at him with sparkling eyes. OR the cheerleading squad, the lacrosse team and the basketball team go camping.

Notes: Another cheerleader!Stiles and Jock!Derek. I love them your honor. It's all very sweet and Derek pines as he ought to do lol. Don't worry, there's light at the end of the tunnel. It's completed.

That's all I have for this one. I probably have more in my TBR but I guess we'll find out. If I ever get there. My sterek TBR only ever grows and I never seem to be able to finish fics as fast as I find them lol. Hope you guys like these!

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Ready to roll?

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles, day 9

Prompt: No Upside Down AU

Rated: T

CW: one mention of masturbation bc Eddie is a horny little shit

Tags: Future fic; Flirting; Record label owner!Eddie; Waiter!Steve; Steve in rollerblades

Notes: Another collab with the amazingly talented and creative @house-of-the-moving-image - check out their art!

"What?" Eddie says eloquently, tearing his eyes from the laminated menu. 

The waiter is hovering next to his booth, pen tapping against the notepad in his hand. He looks annoyed. Probably pissed at Eddie for interrupting his quiet night shift. Well, tough luck, pretty boy. 

"I said …" the waiter pauses, heaves a brief but heartfelt sigh. "Are you ready to roll?" 

Eddie blinks. 

"Listen, dude!" The waiter says flatly, but there's a blush blossoming on his neck. "I'd ask if I may take your order, but I'm, like, contractually obfuscated to say … this instead. Goes with the theme, y’know?" 

He gestures at the entirety of himself. The cheerfully colored shirt and tiny shorts. The little apron around his waist. The knee-high socks disappearing into a pair of chunky, red-and-white rollerblades, and … oh, right. 

"Well?" 

Eddie snaps his eyes back up and shit, for how long has he been staring at those legs like a creep?

The waiter is scowling at him. He really is pretty. Exactly Eddie’s type. Gold-flecked eyes, stupidly voluminous hair, pink lips twisted into a bitchy little scowl. Eddie imagines pushing him up against the wall on those stupid wheels of his, sucking and biting that scowl right off. 

"Hm," he makes instead. "The guys at the label said I'd enjoy the cake, but I'm starting to think they weren't talking about the menu." 

The scowl deepens. 

"Cheeseburger and fries," Eddie says. "And a strawberry milkshake." 

One elegant eyebrow arches. 

"... Please?" 

Waiter boy smirks at him, a brief flash of perfectly white teeth. Eddie wants to lick them. 

"Coming right up." He jots the order down, shoves pen and notepad into his apron pocket. As he does, Eddie catches a glimpse of the name tag attached to his uniform shirt. (Which has nothing to do with him ogling the way the fabric stretches over that toned chest, because he wasn't doing that, thank you.)

It says "Hi, I'm Steve. :-)"

Wait, what? 

The whirr of rollerblades on the floor tiles jerks him out of his stupor. He's glad he didn't take off his sunglasses, because holy fuck, he must be gawking like an idiot right now. 

Because he knows a guy named Steve. Or knew. 

A guy named Steve with perfect, caramel hair, tan skin littered in moles and an irritatingly pretty, aloof smile. Not that Eddie was ever at the receiving end of that smile. The closest Eddie ever got to him was back in eighty-six, when he was dealing drugs out of his van. In the driveway of that palace in Loch Nora, while the King and his court partied inside. 

Eddie watches how waiter boy comes gliding out of the kitchen, wipes down tables and refills napkin holders. 

It can't be. 

Steve Harrington is back in the hellhole that is Hawkins, Indiana - or maybe at some college halfway across the country, preparing to take over daddy's business. He's most certainly not wearing rollerblades and a pair of stupidly short shorts, waiting tables in a cheap twenty-four hour diner in Seattle. 

Then again, back in eighty-six, who would've thought that Eddie Munson would be owning his own record label one day? 

When waiter boy arrives with his order and leans in to put it down on the table, Eddie peers over his sunglasses to cast an inconspicuous look at his profile. 

There's a pair of moles on his neck, near identical in size, spaced apart like a perfect little vampire bite. 

Well, slap his ass and call him Sally. 

Eddie knows these moles, has spent entire nights jerking off to the thought of sinking his teeth into them. 

"Staring costs extra," Steve mutters at the milkshake. 

Before Eddie can say anything, the phone on the counter rings and Steve rolls over to answer it. Eddie chews on his too-salty fries and can't help the grin that tugs at his lips as he watches the boy twirl the cord around his fingers while taking the order. 

The night just officially got interesting.

Steve looks over, catches him staring and gives him the flattest, most unimpressed look Eddie has ever seen on a person who just realized they were being checked out. The blush has reached his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. Eddie winks and Steve rolls his eyes before he turns his back on him. Eddie doesn’t complain. That ass does look fantastic in the shorts.

He takes his time with the meal. The burger is nothing to write home about, but the view more than makes up for it.

When he is done, he saunters over to the counter, pulling out his wallet. Steve is busy counting mayonnaise packages and muttering under his breath. He blinks in confusion when Eddie slaps down a fifty, starts digging for change in his apron. 

"Nah," Eddie says. "Just keep it." 

Steve frowns at him. "That's way too much." 

"Don't sell yourself short. I thought staring was extra?"

Steve opens his mouth. Hesitates. Closes it. Pockets the money. 

"Thanks," he murmurs, eyes trained at some point behind Eddie's shoulder. "Roll by again."

Eddie just barely manages to turn the incoming snort into a grin.  

"Sure will,” he mutters, leaning across the counter and into the boy’s space. “Maybe I'll try that cake next time." 

"Oh, please," Steve huffs. "As if you could afford me, Munson." 

Eddie feels his jaw drop. "Wait, you knew who-" 

The doorbell chimes. 

"Hi there!" Steve chirps at the guy in the door. "You called, right? I'll check if your order is ready." 

And then he's gone and Eddie is staring at the still swinging kitchen door like an idiot. 

It isn't until he's back out in the dark street that his confusion morphs into something else. His majesty wants to play coy? Well, Eddie can indulge him, can't he? 

He makes his way home with a new spring in his step. Looks like he's found his new favorite dinner spot.

Part 2

All my holiday drabbles

[christinesficrecs]

Heeyyyy!! I’m going on a month long work trip in a VERY small town with nothing to do besides work in January so I need to stock up on some fics. Can you rec some mate and/or soulmate fics that are over 50k please?? Or if any of your followers wanna throw some in the tags or replies that would be super cool too. I’m gonna need all the entertainment/help I can get. I’ve googled the shit out of this place and the surrounding area and it’s literally in the middle of nowhere.

Hey!! Are you coming to visit me? Because I def live in a rinky dink town where cash is king and everything is closed by 4 pm 😂

Apologies to the rest of my listeners because this post got LONG. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hung The Moon by nrnyx | 85.6K | Explicit

Slowly Stiles got control of himself again. His heart calmed. His breathing evened out. The anger was gone. In its place, a bone-deep weariness settled. He couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t survive this.

Go Away, Scott by HelloWhyTheFuckAmIHere | 66.2K

After the incident at the warehouse, Stiles is fed up with Scott. He finds himself drawn into Derek’s pack and in the process, drawn to Derek himself.

With the Alpha Pack closing in, Derek needs to learn how to trust his pack and those around him. And who better to help him than Stiles?

Wanted by Asterekmess (Livinginfictions) | 88K | Mature

With the Hale pack finally settled and safe, it only makes sense that something would happen to screw it all up. To top it all off, Stiles has to pretend to be Derek’s mate, or face a pack of angry Alphas. He’s doomed.

Thanks for Thumper, But I Prefer Cheeseburgers by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 58.3K

The wolf’s head whipped around so fast, Stiles felt like he was watching The Exorcist.

Stiles wondered if he could just stand still enough to make the wolf think he was a tree. A very bright red and jean-clad tree. He doubted it, but one could hope.

He knew it was a lost cause when the wolf turned fully, lips pulled back from its sharp teeth—so very sharp, good fucking Lord!—and began walking towards Stiles.

“I didn’t see anything!” Stiles shouted, both hands out in front of himself and sweat instantly breaking out across his skin. “I swear to you! I didn’t see anything! I didn’t see anything! I won’t tell anyone! I won’t! I’ll keep this to myself, until the day I die! I promise! I promise!”

Lead You Home Again by GotTheSilver | 49.9K | Explicit

The first time Derek meets Stiles, the kid’s brown eyes are wide, and he’s staring up at him with a mischievous grin as he tugs at the arm of Derek’s first ever Batman figure like he’s trying to separate it from Batman’s body.

An alternate take on Teen Wolf, wherein Stiles and Derek are childhood friends, and things unfold from there.

Three Marks by sanam | 113.7K | Mature

“And then there was pain again, but this time it was in only three places—his arm, below his clavicle, and next to his heart, all on the left side. It felt like the skin was being sliced apart, ripped open, flayed off— And suddenly it was done. Derek looked across the room and saw the boy on the floor, looking about as bad as Derek felt.”

Derek and Stiles learn that bonding is probably best done with ridiculous amounts of video games and maybe a little bit of time.

A Match Unmade in Beacon Hills by KouriArashi | 47.8K

Derek met his soulmate Kate Argent when he was 15, and he’s tried for years to understand why his soulmate is so cruel to him. Then he meets Stiles Stilinski, who has no soulmate mark, an extremely rare phenomenon. Stiles thinks that he’s destined to be alone forever, but apparently fate has other plans…

Mating Moons by  skinsharpenedteeth (Gavinscotts) | 85.2K | Explicit

Stiles just wanted to get Derek’s attention. Derek had seemed so distracted as the full moon approached and Stiles was feeling pretty neglected as a friend. Next thing he knows, he’s magically bound to a cabin in the mountains with Derek all winter long and they have to figure out whether they want to be life mates?

With or Without You by KouriArashi | 62.5K

Derek thinks that the mating rituals are overly romanticized bullshit, but claiming a mate and defending them from challengers is something werewolves do, and his pack can’t afford to appear weak after the fire. Especially not when Deucalion and his friends are in town for the rituals. Enter Stiles Stilinski, who offers to let Derek claim him so he won’t be overrun at the ceremonies. Nothing goes as expected.

Bonds of Blood, Bonds of Family, Bonds of Love by TyReed | 44K

After being beaten up by a door, werewolf Stiles Stilinksi finds himself bonded to Derek Hale, of the Hale Noble Bloodline. For a scrawny, wimpy, Tainted Bloodline werewolf, Stiles runs away, embarrassed and humiliated as he worries about bringing shame to the Hale Family, and even more shame to himself. Because the Nobles and Tainted just don’t mix, never have, never will.

Except, things aren’t exactly what they seem.

With the help of the (meddling) Hale family, his adoptive (meddling) human parents John and Claudia Stilinksi, and one very persistent Alpha Derek Hale, Stiles might come to see himself as more than just the blood that runs through his veins, and open his heart to find the happiness, friends, pack, and the family that he’d always wanted.

A Letter From Mom by StilesIsMySpiritAnimal | 32.9K

After waking up at the age of 11 without any memories of his past Stiles spends eight years with his father in the tiny town of Shelter Cove, California. After his father’s death he receives a notice from a storage facility in some town called Beacon Hills. Stiles is confused and thinks the manager made a mistake until he finds a letter that should have been for his 18th birthday that his dad never gave him. It’s from his mother, who he has no memory of. Weirdly enough, her letter mentions Beacon Hills and some woman named Talia, who he’s supposed to trust. Confused and angry at his father, Stiles sets out for Beacon Hills anxious and determined to find out what his dad had been hiding from him all these years.

What Fresh Twilight Bullshit Is This? by  isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 196.1K

“I am not Bella!” he insisted, shaking his fist angrily at Jackson, as if he’d been the one to suggest he was. “I am not Bella! I am, like, a Jacob, at least!”

Lydia made a noise of debate from his right and he whipped around to look at her.

“What?! What was that sound?!”

“You’re more of a Mike,” she insisted, shrugging neatly and flipping some curls over her shoulder.

Scrubbing Bubbles by  MargaretKire | 46K

Stiles thought it would be easy doing janitorial work for an office. At first, it really was. The job only took a few hours in the evenings and it helped pay for rent and college. Sure, Hale Industries took up an entire floor in one of the downtown financial buildings, but the place was new and easy to care for. He didn’t even have to spend much time cleaning the huge corner office, because the trash was nearly always empty and the office itself was spotless, like no one used it.

It was basically the perfect college job. At least, until the boss started staying late.

‘Till You Make It by standinginanicedress | 46K | Mature

“I’m saying – let’s fake it.”

Derek blinks at him. Hard. Stiles never knew that someone could physically make a blink look hard, but there Derek goes, slamming his lids together like he’s fucking exercising them. “Fake it.”

“Pretend, dumbass,” he backhands Derek lightly on his upper arm. “Pretend like we’re doing as well as our parents want us to and then they’ll be off our backs, right?”

“We don’t have to pretend anything, Stiles,” Derek says evenly, in a tone that suggests he’d much rather be yelling. “We’re literally soulmates.”

“That’s the beauty of it! It’s going to be so fucking easy. I can’t believe we never thought of this before,” he runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head in amazement, grinning from ear to ear. “Holy shit. I can’t believe I just solved all our problems for us, man.”

Deafening Silence by AndersonStorm | 61.1K

On everyone’s sixteenth birthday the first words their soulmate will ever speak to them appear on their body. These words, so it goes, were to bring you love, joy and hope for the future until the fateful day arrives where you will meet the person who would change your life. So what’s Stiles to do when his words are rude and hateful? Avoid love at all costs, or so he planned.

Safety in Silence by Survivah | 66.9K | Mature

It’s perfectly understandable. Even Derek wouldn’t want to be Derek’s soulmate.

And I Thought I Had Problems by zosofi | 60.1K | Explicit | dropbox

Werewolf!Stiles deals with nefarious soul-sucking witch spells, Scott’s inability to be a fully functioning adult, Danny’s incessant need to make everything about sex, and finding out that his mate is Derek Hale. Tuesdays suck.

What You Did to Us by loserchic | 52.1K | Explicit

In a world where alphas and omegas are born with the first name of their mates on their wrists, alpha Derek’s mate’s name comes in mysteriously late. Thinking his mate will never show up, Derek marries Kate and has a son. When his true mate, Stiles, enters the scene Derek attempts to divorce Kate to be with him. Stiles has known Derek is his mate since he was 11, but he’s not impressed by Derek’s plan at all. Stiles doesn’t want to be the other woman and Kate doesn’t want to let Derek go, but there is something about Stiles scent that makes Derek think he might not have long to figure this whole mess out…

[meidui]

one of my favourite things about tony is that he'll eat anything that sounds good to him? he has gluten free waffles for breakfast and offers green superfood smoothies to everyone and orders a plate of fresh veggies at a pub and tried to swear off dairy, but he gave that up when ben & jerrys named a flavour after him and had a box of donuts for his hangover breakfast and inhaled several burger king cheeseburgers in a row and tried to have a whole pizza as a workshop snack, but he also has sashimi with sake on his private jet because he insists you can't have one without the other and refuses to swallow a bite of a walnut date loaf even though he's already chewed it up, but also when he's banged up and tired he just wants shawarma or a tuna fish sandwich. i love him so much

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: What a deal

L Ron Hubbard: hey pal its me your old pal honest ron Hubbard: and i've got a great deal for you today, friends Hubbard: this handy dandy little AI can write all your books for you, friends Hubbard: with just the push of a button! Hubbard: no more slaving over a hot typewriter!

King: wow! sounds great! King: this is fully licensed, certified, bonded, endorsed and accredited by the HWA, right? Hubbard: well friend let me tell you this Hubbard: it's not NOT fully licensed, certified, bonded, endorsed and accredited by the HWA!

King: well, if the HWA isn't against it... Hailey Piper: hold it right there, steve! Piper: i have a message! Piper: and this time it's not make horror gay as fuck Piper: though we should still be doing that Barker: [to camera] I'm doing my part!

Piper: i hope fellow HWA members will join me in demanding a zero tolerance policy from the HWA on generative AI Cynthia Pelayo: yes yes well said Piper: and also Piper: THE SMELL OF THE HUNT THE TASTE OF THE SHUNT Pelayo: GODDAMNIT!!! Pelayo: GODDAMNIT SHE GOT ME AGAIN!

Hubbard: this handy dandy device will do all your writing for you or my name's not L Ron McHubbard McMonkey McBean Piper: get lost, l ron, no one likes your style! Hubbard: [packing up 3 card monte game] well!! i can tell when I'm not wanted!!

Hubbard: i'll just be taking my generative AI to a more receptive, less ABLEIST audience Hubbard: it's really more of a shelbyville idea now that i think of it

King: don't worry, i'm sure the HWA will treat this issue with all the seriousness we've come to expect from them [meanwhile] HWA president: [ed wynn voice, hitting table with comically oversized squeaky mallet] order! order in the court! HWA board member: i'd like a cheeseburger

[snailmail444]

could I get a cheeseburger and Harvey/Elliott over stimulating girl farmer😓😓

Elliot/Harvey Overstim Headcannons

NSFW 🌱 18+ 🌱 MDNI

Here’s your cheeseburger 🍔

And here’s your NSFW under the cut ;)

Elliott-

❤️ Definitely overstimulates the farmer on the reg

❤️ Lives to see her twisting up in the sheets

❤️ Lowkey highkey a dacrophillia king he has some SERIOUS kinks around crying

❤️ Probably not fucking her into it though

❤️ The options are toys or his mouth or his fingers so serious

❤️ Honestly when he’s in the mood to overstimulate her into it like. He doesn’t even wanna get off

❤️ It’s not about that

❤️ Won’t stop until she taps out

❤️ Wants to go forever lowkey. Loves seeing how wet she gets, how it shines on her thighs and all over his hands

❤️ Licks away the tears

❤️ Probably cooing the whole time too. How good you are for me, putting up with this, I know, it’s too much isn’t it?

❤️ Talks her through it the WHOLE TIME

❤️ And because he’s going so so so hard the aftercare is about to go insane

❤️ Carrying her to the bath, washing her, drying her and dressing her, feeding her fresh fruit and water by hand, all the while telling her how good and perfect and beautiful she is

❤️ Wouldn’t be Elliott if it weren’t a full hedonistic experience

Harvey-

💚 Lets premise by saying he is not going as hard as Elliott

💚 Important to note that up top I feel

💚 Will do it if she’s asking, but he’s never going to want it just for his own enjoyment

💚 When she does ask though? Man’s ALL about it

💚 Eating out -> fucking

💚 Goes down on her until she’s come twice just from him eating her out. Until she’s begging and squirming and desperate for him to fill her

💚 SWEET 👏 AND 👏 SLOW 👏

💚Overstimulation is a marathon not a race for this man

💚 Deliberately does not want to come until she’s at her limit

💚 So he’s hitting it slow and deep and hard while watching her unwind under her pleasure

💚 Stamina king?? Can last until she’s come two more times before he’s finishing

💚 Kissessssss

💚 Kisses her everywhere after he’s done. Makes sure to work out all the tension in her bodyyyyy

💚 Will not stop until she is BONELESS

💚 The praise goes crazy

💚 Makes her drink water and take some anti-inflammatoires so she won’t be sore in the morning

💚 Gives her a protein bar too because she burned a lot of calories

💚 Mister king doctor efficiency is not going to let her feel any repercussions of their fun in the morning!!!

[chasingstardustandmoonbeams]

I know it’s on your requests info, but I know you’ve also seen Bones. Would you be willing to write something fluffy with Jack Hodgins? If not that fine, hope you have good night/day!

Of course! I love Bones. It has been and will always be my comfort show ❤️ All this makes me want to do is start up a rewatch.

Word Count: 703

Warnings: None

The hum of the diner was comforting. The case you were working on was an interesting one, but you'd needed the break to clear your mind. Nothing like a crappy diner cheeseburger to make you feel better.

You were just about to take a bite when Jack slide into the seat in front of you. A wide grin plastered across his face. You couldn't help but smile back at him. When Jack smiled it was the most contagious thing in the world.

"You want to tell me what's got you grinning like that?" You teased, taking a bite into your burger.

"Oh, just the usual crack in the case done by yours truly." He leaned forward on the table, grabbing a fry off of your plate. You pushed your plate closer to him, enjoying Jack's playful mood.

"I would expect nothing less from the King of the Lab," you quipped back. You would have thought you hung the moon the way he looked at you.

"Yes! Thank you!" He said enthusiastically, slamming his hand on the table. "Sometimes it really does feel like you're the only one who appreciates my genius." Jack let out an dramatic sigh, his blue eyes gazing at you.

You rolled your eyes at his comment, watching as he popped another one of his fries in his mouth.

"Do you want something to eat? Or are you just going to keep stealing my food?" You raised your eyebrow at him.

He shrugged putting his hands up in surrender, "What happened to sharing was caring?"

"That went away when you stole half of my food - hey!" You laughed trying to swat his hand away as he stole another fry.

Jack leaned forward his head resting in hand. "You love me."

"I do, but your pushing it Hodgins," you teased, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours.

"Am I?" He raised his eyebrows at you pecking you once more.

"Oh, that's so sweet I'm getting cavities. Adorable."

"Hi, Angie," Jack laughed. Both of you turning to look at her. She took a seat next to you, stealing what was left of your fries. You fought a sigh, catching Jack's eyes. He was trying not to laugh himself.

"What?" Angela mumbled?

You and Jack only looked at each other.

"You know what? I don't want to know. Brennan's looking for both of you by the way."

You gave a forlorn look at your burger, and started collected your things.

"Can I-"

"Go ahead, Angie, somebody should enjoy it," you said remorsefully. Angela just smiled at you taking a big bite of your burger.

"Thanks, sweetie!" She called out to you as you and Jack made your way out of the diner. He held the door open for you as you walked through.

You walked side by side back to the lab.

"I was thinking-"

"Don't hurt yourself," you teased.

He let out a breathy laugh, bumping your shoulder with his own. "You basically are spending every night at my place anyways, half your stuff is there already..." his voice trailed off, as he sneaked a glance at you. Both of you walking side by side.

You stopped walking, taking shelter from the sun under the awning of a nearby building.

"Jack?"

"What would you - how would you feel about moving in? With me?"

Your grew slack, your eyes searching his. He was more reserved and bashful than you could ever remember seeing him. They vulnerability clear on his face.

"Uh, you don't have to answer right away. In fact, you know you can just-"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, Jack. I want to move in with you."

"Really? That- that's-"

You cut him off by kissing him. His right out reach out to cradle your head, while the other placed itself along your waist, his thumb grazing against you.

Reluctantly, you pulled away, both of you breathless.

"Hodgins?"

"Yeah?" He licked his lips, still holding you.

"Brennan's going to kill us if we don't get over there."

Jack let out a breathless laugh. Placing his arm over your shoulder you both began your walk back to the Jeffersonian. He placed a gentle kiss against your temple, already excitedly planning your next steps together.

[trashmouth-richie]

𝚜𝚘 𝙸 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎

part 3 of: do you like the way the water tastes?

summary: eddie takes you for a ride, the questions burning in your gut are resolved.

You’re certain your knuckles are broken from the iron grip you have on Eddie’s waist for the past twenty minutes. 

  His idea for a little drive was going to Bridgeport. Speeding around cars minding their own business on the lazy summer Sunday afternoon. 

Wind whipped through his curls and rippled the cotton tank top he was wearing, black sunglasses perched on his Roman nose, a honey dipped setting sun reflecting off the lenses when he turned his head at a stop sign to smirk at your wind-chapped cheeks and nervous expression.  

  “You scared, pretty girl?” 

  You were. 

  But when you shook your head no, he chuckled, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb, “I got ya,” he purred, his shy smile breaking through those plump lips, “ just don’t let go of me.” 

  The feel of your skin on his rough fingers when he had secured the helmet around your head and tightened the strap under your chin— before even getting on his motorcycle— left him with a rosy dusting to his own cheeks.

  Your skin was soft and delicate, like a petal from a flower— and he’d grow an entire garden just to feel it again. 

  You were looking at him in awe, like he had hung the moon and painted the stars just for you. And the look in your eyes made his heart flutter in his chest, skipping a beat when his eyes met yours. 

  Pupils blown and struck by Cupid, he didn’t know how deep he was falling. Were you? 

  His tongue was poked out in concentration while he fiddled with the strap, connecting it and pulling it taught under your chin. 

  His stare lingered for longer than he could help, eyelashes smushing together when the heat on his cheeks was too much to handle. 

  You had never been on a motorcycle before, but you listened intently to Eddie’s calm instructions on where to put your feet and what not to do. 

  The first few miles were horrifying, you were absolutely positive that you would fall off at any minute. Your squeals rang through his ears and burned his soul, making an ache in his stomach he hadn’t felt before, and when your fingers laced together around him, his heart nearly fell out of his chest. 

  —

“Wasn’t sure what you’d like, so—got one of each.” Eddie’s arms were full with red and white paper food boats. Chicken strips, two corn dogs, a cheeseburger piled high with bacon and a fried egg, cheeseballs, a funnel cake and a plastic jug of strawberry lemonade with two straws poking out of the lid. 

  Bridgeport was having their annual festival complete with carnival rides, a crowning of their hometown king and queen and the greasiest food in Indiana. You were sitting on a red painted bench underneath the green curtains of a weeping Willow as Eddie left to grab what he referred to as “a few snacks.” 

  You looked so cute sitting on the bench in his old dio shirt waiting for him. Seeing you in his clothes had his heart pumping into overdrive, and when you lifted your face to his and smiled as he walked towards you it almost knocked him dead. 

  Before you had left his trailer, you bargained to borrow some of Eddie’s clothes instead of quickly running home to change. “Nah,” he said with a grin, “I’ve got something you can wear.” He tossed you an almost worn through black t-shirt and a pair of athletic shorts he’d had since middle school that were definitely too short for him now, but hit the swell of your thighs in a flattering way. 

  Emerging from the bathroom in his wardrobe and poorly bandaged knees, he smiled wide, toothy as can be and nearly pulled a muscle in his cheeks as he tried to hide it, not show how he was nearly cracking ribs with the way his heart was swelling for you. 

  “pick anything you want, sweetheart,” he said gesturing to the food he had laid out like a feast. He slotted his legs through the picnic table and you could hear the jingle of the chain from his hip as it rested on the wooden seat. 

  A smirk pursed his lips as your eyes studied the fried treats. Suddenly aware that maybe you didn’t like anything like this? 

  Shit. 

  His nerves stabled when your fingers plucked the brown stick end of a corn dog. His heart soared when your teeth broke through the breading and you hummed in content. 

  His fingers twisted the metal rings on his left hand, eyeing your lips when a crumb formed on them. Unconsciously licking his own like they were yours, sweeping the crumb away.

  “Good?” 

  Your lips curved into a smile as you reached for a napkin and blotted the grease from your lips, “delicious,” you mumble with the bite still between your teeth.

  “I never been to the festival before, they do this every year?” 

  Eddie snorted, and grabbed a chicken strip, dunking it into a small container of ranch, the chicken crunches and melts on his tongue as he shoves it around his mouth to answer, “yeah, haven’t been here in years, my uncle would take me as a kid.” 

  Neon lights peek through the vine-like curtain of the willows branches, a faint low hum of cheery carnival music begins, followed by the gears of the rides, squealing for oil and grease. 

  The night was calm, a light wind bringing a quiet exhaling breath of air to the humid atmosphere, as you silently chewed your corn dog. 

  Eddie’s mind was racing, he had a million and one things to say but whenever he tried to form the words he found his tongue cemented to the roof of his mouth, concrete foundations keeping it in place. 

  Lucky for him, yours wasn’t. 

  “Thank you for the food, and playing doctor… I mean, bandaging my knees.” Smooth.

  His tongue detached and he breathed a hearty laugh, one that had you giggling along, heated cheeks from embarrassment and all. 

  “Any time,” he exhaled, hoping this wasn’t the only time you’d want to share a meal with him, “figured it was better than a lollipop after being such a good patient.” 

  “I mean, I like suckers,” you tease, pointing the corn dog at him, “but this is really really good— I wish Benny still served them.” 

  “How long have you worked there?” 

  “Well..” you do the math in your head, and un-ashamedly use your fingers to count the years, “six years, I think— Gareth and I both started there at the same time—bussing tables.”

  Eddie’s hands are threaded as he leans in to listen intently at your very boring story. 

  “..but then some cool older guy started a band and needed a drummer, so he quit on me.”

  You remember the days of riding in the back of Gareth’s mom’s car when she’d drop you both off for your shift on Saturday nights, both only fourteen but still spending as much time together as you could, the innocence of childhood still on your shoulders. 

  “Sounds like this cool older guy was pretty bitchin’, wish I knew him,” the dimples in his cheeks well deep, as he plays with his rings. Waiting for you to bite the bait.

  “Nah,” you play back, scrunching your nose and picking at the corn dog, “he’s not that great— pretty mysterious, really hard to read.” 

  He chuckles and fakes offense. “Maybe there isn’t mystery behind him, maybe he gets nervous around pretty girls.” 

  Your cheeks heat and you stare at the table for a bit before meeting his gaze again, “That’s too bad,” you add, clicking your tongue, “because he was really really cute.” 

  “Cute, huh?” He says standing and grabbing all the garbage from the table and walking to the nearest trash can, he brushes the grease from his hands on his pants, “puppies are cute, sweetheart.” 

  “Yeah, he looks like a cute wittle puppy dog, just wanna pinch his cheeks, and give him treats.” 

  “Oh really?” He says standing beside you and holding his hand out to help you up.

  “Mhmm,” you say placing your hand in his, feeling the rough calluses with the pads of your fingers,  “But he never called, never kissed me, he just disappeared.” 

  You walk past him, not needing to look over your shoulder to know that he was following behind you, his long legs making up the distance in no time at all. 

  You’d trolled down the sidewalk, enjoying the sounds of the carnival and the sweet sticky sugar of cotton candy spinning. 

  When the sky inks into dark, Eddie’s fingers graze yours and he doesn’t pull away. This time he folds them between the spaces of yours. Rubbing the knuckles of your hand with his thumb, noticing that you sighed slightly. 

  He stops when the sidewalk ends, a lone street lamp flickering and nothing but the hum of lightning bugs floating gently on the breeze.

  “Would you have wanted me too?”

  You stare up at him, a cross of your eyebrows indicates your confusion and a twinkle of a street lamp glows into your eyes.

  Eddie wets his lips with a sweep of his tongue. The ring that’s been teasing you on full display. 

  “That night, when I walked you home…did you want me to kiss you?” 

  Butterflies take flight in a flurry in your stomach at the sight of his shiny lips. You almost counted out loud to three to respond even though you nearly flung yourself at him. 

  “I— I thought it was obvious.” 

He frowns, shaking his head. A nervous laugh emits from him and he looks unsure of himself.

  “I’m not good at this,” he admits, undoubtedly fighting himself, “and now?” he asks, holding your chin between his fingers and angling your face up to his, “do you want me to kiss you, sweet girl?” 

  All the breath from your lungs leaves when you nod your head, and when Eddie’s lips nestle between yours, you're certain you’re the only girl left in the world. 

[munson-blurbs]

Congratulations of another celebration! Could I request Eddie/diner/milkshakes?

Guess who's back? Back again? Perv!Eddie's back, reblog this until your fingers bleed tell a friend.

Warnings: smut (18+ only, minors DNI), male public masturbation, oral (m receiving), Eddie is a total perv

WC: 1.3k

--

“So,” you say with a sly smile, dragging a french fry through a glob of ketchup, “are you bummed that you didn’t win Prom King?”

Eddie barks out a “ha!,” taking a bite of his cheeseburger. Grease trickles down his chin and he wipes it away before it can land on his t-shirt. The dance had barely ended before he’d started changing out of his tux and into comfortable clothes. “Can you imagine if Carver lost to The Freak? Dude would probably pull a Carrie White.” He leans over to steal one of your fries, despite the pile on his own plate. “What about you? Were you ready to fight Chrissy for the crown?”

“Nah,” you shake your head, swatting his hand away as he tries to take more fries. “It would’ve been criminal for Hawkins’ Sweetheart not to win.” Though her boyfriend is a total douche, Chrissy has never been mean to you. Besides, you weren’t even in the running for prom royalty.

The two of you enjoy your food in comfortable silence before you speak again. “Thanks for being my date,” you tell him. “I know prom isn’t really your thing, but…”

“Don’t mention it,” he grins. “I couldn’t let my favorite girl stag it; or worse, go with Jeff.” He says the name like it’s a moldy piece of bread, rather than one of his best friends, making you giggle. “And thanks for treating me to dinner,” he adds mischievously.

Your jaw drops. “Is that why you ordered a milkshake? Because I’m paying?” Eddie just looks at you with as much innocence in his eyes as he can muster, sticking the straw in his mouth and slurping obnoxiously. You grab it from him playfully, watching as shock spreads on his face. “Mine now.” You wrap your lips around the plastic straw and take a sip. Your cheeks hollow slightly as you struggle to suck up the thick, melted ice cream. When you pull away, a bead of vanilla shake clings to your lip, and you lick it off. “Delicious,” you grin, oblivious to the raging erection you just gave your best friend. 

“Give me that,” he mutters, snatching it back and drinking until he gives himself a brain freeze. But even the throbbing in his head can’t quell the hardness in his pants. 

You scoff. “God, you’re so selfish!” you exclaim, watching him greedily scarf down half of the shake. “Fine, be that way. I don’t need the damn straw.” With that, you take your middle finger, flipping him off before sticking it into the glass to scoop out some of the dessert. You take it into your mouth and swirl your tongue over the shake-covered finger until it’s clean, releasing it with a soft pop. 

“Don’t do that again,” Eddie hisses, trying to discreetly palm himself over his gray sweatpants. It was bad enough at the dance, seeing you in your prom dress that hugged every curve. Now your sucking on your fingers like he wants you to suck on his—

“Do what?” You bat your mascara-coated eyelashes, still convinced that his frustration is directed solely towards your milkshake thievery. “This?” You start to lean over, ready to scoop out more, when he grabs your wrist with his trembling hand. 

“Stop.” His voice wobbles, and he clears his throat softly. It does no good. “Please.” He looks at you with his brown doe eyes, a film of mist clouding them. 

“Are you seriously about to cry over a milkshake?” You roll your eyes. “I’ll just order my own if you don’t wanna share, jeez. No need to get your panties in a twist.”

Eddie’s leg is bouncing a mile a minute; you know he only does this when he’s anxious. “I’m fine,” he lies. “Maybe your panties are in a twist.”

“Impossible,” you retort, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back into the chair. “I’m not wearing any.”

The table shakes as he involuntarily slams down a clenched fist. “You’re doing this on purpose,” he insists, raking a hand through his tangled mane of curls. A bead of sweat slides down his temple.

“And you’re being weird,” you bite back, grabbing your purse and standing up. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom, and when I get back, I’d appreciate it if you were finished acting like an ass.” With that, you hurry off, wondering what had gotten into your best friend between prom and Benny’s.

Meanwhile, Eddie lets out an exasperated sigh as soon as you’re out of earshot. He looks around anxiously, biting his lower lip as he slides his hand into his pants. He’s never been so grateful to be tucked into a booth in the very back corner. In theory, he should be the one excusing himself to the restroom to take care of his…problem, but he can’t just strut through the diner with his prominent hard-on.

Girls always take forever to pee, right? He thinks hopefully as he gently strokes his length. The goal is just to get it to go down enough so he can make a quick getaway, but his mind flits to you licking the milkshake off of your beautiful fingers.

“You like that, baby?” Fantasy You coos. “Y’want me to suck anything else?”

“Y-Yes,” Eddie stammers, tugging with more veracity as his daydream intensifies. He imagines you crawling under the table, pulling his dick from his boxers and into your mouth. “Please suck my cock, pretty girl. I bet you’d look perfect with me in your mouth.” He winces as a small groan escapes his lips, but no one seems to notice.

“Poor thing,” Fantasy You pouts, swirling your tongue over his leaking head and swiping away a bead of pre-cum. “You’re so pathetic for me, aren’t you, Eddie? Having your best friend blow you in a diner; you just can’t help yourself.”

“Can’t h-help myself,” Eddie echoes pitifully. “Want you s’bad.”

“Want me? Baby, that’s not enough. You gotta need me.”

“I need you—fuck, I need you, Y/N—”

“Eddie, what the fuck?!” You—Real You, not his imaginary version, is suddenly standing beside the table. He’s so stunned that he freezes in place, unable to even remove his hand from his pants. “Holy shit; are you jerking off?”

He looks down at his tented sweatpants; even after being caught, the man is still hard as a rock. “I—um, I…”

Your eyes widen at a sudden realization. “Wait, I heard you say my name.” You place your hands on your hips and smile. “Eddie Munson, did I do this to you?”

“Shut up,” he mumbles, taking the hand he wasn’t just using to publicly pleasure himself and covering his face. “You just looked hot in your dress, and then the thing with the milkshake…”

“Oh—oh.” So that’s why he was so strange earlier. 

“Yeah,” he mutters, the tips of his ears tinged pink. “You didn’t realize how sexy it was?” he asks incredulously. 

“Honestly?” You shrug. “Didn’t really think about it. We’re friends; ‘s not like you’re trying to fuck me.” You raise your eyebrows in a silent dare for him to challenge your statement. 

“No, yeah, no,” Eddie trips over his words. “That would be super weird. Crazy, blah!” He sticks out his tongue in an exaggerated attempt to prove his point. 

“Right. Like, if I said to you, ‘Eddie, I need to have sex with you in the back of your van right now,’ you’d be totally disgusted, yeah?”

“Mhm.” But the waver in his voice gives him away. “Can you…haven’t you teased me enough tonight?”

“I’m only a tease if I don’t follow through,” you grab him by the collar, slamming a $20 bill on the table. “Come on, Big Boy. Before I change my mind.” He stumbles to his feet, wiping his hand on his pants. He’s halfway to the door before he runs back to the table, clutching a glass when he returns. 

“I’m bringing the shake.”

--

[nobody-nexus]

TADC Incorrect Quotes

(With have Ragatha/Pomni, Jax/Zooble if you squint, and maybe like ONE Jax/Bubble for shits and giggles)

Ragatha: As your best friend— Gangle: Zooble's my best friend? Ragatha, holding a knife: As your best friend—

====

Ragatha: Pomni is at that very special age where an adult only has one thing on their mind Caine: Boys? Pomni: Homicide

====

Pomni: You know what? When I join this friend group, I thought you guys would be dealing with my bullshit Caine, Zooble and Kinger continue screaming about mold water Pomni: Not the other way around! Bubble: I dunno, sounds like you need to drink the mold water :)

====

Gangle: How do Zooble and Jax usually get out of these messes? Ragatha: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out

====

Ragatha: Just be careful, Pomni! Pomni, heading out the door: I'm always careful, Ragatha! Pomni: It's everything around me that's careless

====

Caine: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems! Gangle: Weight loss? Drink water Ragatha: Clear skin? Drink water Jax: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

====

Zooble: Hold on, I can explain Caine: Really? Can you now? Zooble: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie

====

Caine: You have to apologize to them Jax Jax: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!

====

Gangle: I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

====

Ragatha: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance? Zooble: No. Jax: No. Ragatha: Didn't think so

====

Pomni: Hostage or not, sometimes it’s nice being held Ragatha: Are you okay

====

Zooble: When I get Doordash I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times Ragatha: I hope you understand how food poisoning works Zooble: I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger I couldn’t eat

====

Ragatha: Wake me up- Pomni: Before you go go Gangle: When September ends Caine: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

====

Ragatha, smugly, after security arrives to escort Jax and Pomni out: So, do you wanna walk out of here or do you wanna be carried out? Jax, in defeat: Let’s go Pomni: Wait. Jax: What? Pomni: I’d kinda like to be carried out...

====

Gangle: We have fun, don’t we, Pomni? Pomni: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life

====

Kinger: Hey Ragatha? Ragatha: Yeah? Kinger: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false? Ragatha: Ragatha: ...What.

====

Jax: How high are you? Pomni: Mm, I don’t know how to say it in feet. Zooble: No, he's asking what drugs are you on Pomni: Oh, antidepressants, why?

====

Caine: It is 6:09 . Caine: I am wondering why I’m still alive. Caine: Send Wendy’s. Pomni: The whole restaurant?!

====

Zooble: I’m the smartest person in this group.... Jax: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine? Zooble: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

====

Pomni: Which one of you was going to tell me that tea tastes different if you put it in hot water?? Jax: Y- you were putting it in cold water?? Zooble: Pomni. Answer the question, Pomni. Pomni: Yeah??? I thought people just put it in hot water to speed up the tea-ification process. didn't realize there was an actual reason. Pomni: Plus, you think I have the patience to boil water? Jax: You don't have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes?? Zooble: Why are you putting it in the microwave to boil it? Jax: Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove? Zooble: It takes less than a minute. Jax: Is your stovetop powered by the f#%king sun??? Zooble: How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove? Jax: Like seven minutes?? Gangle: Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat and it boils in like 2 minutes... less than that if you use a saucepan! Zooble: Why are you putting the whole mug on the stove?? On medium heat?? Gangle? Your stove is enchanted! Pomni: Every single person here is a f#%king lunatic. Ragatha: Do none of you own a f#%king kettle?

====

Gangle: Guess what I'm about to get! Jax: On my nerves.

====

Zooble: Jax has discovered "deez nuts" jokes and it's all they say now. Everything is deez nuts. They simply can't stop. Zooble: I asked Jax where he learned that joke. He made me promise him wouldn't get in trouble if he told me. I agreed. Zooble: So, he leans in and whispers, "deez nuts."

====

Pomni: HELP! I TOLD RAGATHA I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK! Jax, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

====

Jax: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A. Ragatha: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory Pomni: F$%k you.

====

Zooble: New challenge! Don't say stupid sh!t for 24 hours!

====

Pomni: Coca Cola is a health potion, Pepsi is a mana potion Ragatha, amused: What’s grape soda? Pomni: It’s f#%king purple baby!!!

====

Zooble: It doesn’t have a bone Jax: Then why is it called a boner?

====

Pomni: Can I get a waffle? Caine and Bubble: *fighting and yelling at each other* Pomni: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

====

Jax: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes Zooble: Wow, I've gotta hear this Jax: I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share Ragatha: You forgot pride Jax: No, I'm pretty proud of this

====

Ragatha, trying to be cute: WOW, Pomni, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How AWFULLY lewd of you. Pomni, confused: We literally slept together yesterday? Ragatha: Eh- sweetie no that's not-

====

Caine: Can we talk about that mass email you sent? Pomni: Why? It was important Caine: All it says is, "I'm back on my sh!t". Jax, shrugging: The people need to know

====

Jax: We’re getting married, bitches! Bubble: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem

[bucketspammer4life]

All boxers react to getting a maid dress. Even the extra boxers (excluding Mac, he just gets a half eaten cheeseburger)

ANON YOURE A GENIUS

Glass Joe - absolutely losing his shit, a bit concerned for whoever sent it but laughing his ass off

Von Kaiser - sighs like a dissapointed mom and gets embarrased about it

Disco Kid - suprised that someone had the guts to send it in, finds it hilarious

King Hippo - doesnt understand it and thinks he just got sent a really pretty dress

Piston Hondo - turns red, almost dies of embarrasment on the spot and giggles like a madman

Bear Hugger - joking around with it like "pay me and ill wear it" And considering giving it to mrs bear for her to wear

Great Tiger - upset that theres no cat ears finds the dress kinda nice and also thought it was just a pretty dress, after he found out he just evaporates

Don Flamenco - teasing his fans to hell and back about it, "oh my goddd what if i wear this haha that would be so funnyyy guys"

Aran Ryan - a bit suprised but he has done worse 100%, finds it funny but is kinda dissapointed because why no clovers?? :(

Soda Popinski - unless its soda themed hes not wearing it, period. But he would find it funny and offer it to whoever else wants to wear it

Bald Bull - not sure whether to cry, laugh or go mad so he just does it all at once while staring off into the void

Super Macho Man - offer him 20 dollars and he'll wear it literally dying. Confused but laughing his ass off

Mr Sandman - teases his fans about it also, would say smth like "ill wear this when i lose to ____"

[farity]

Devil in the Details, part 2

No smut, just a fluffy little ficlet. My brain is gone after these couple of weeks (school). I need to organize the main fic post, too.

You made small talk with a couple of your friends by one of the curtains leading to the backstage area, checking your phone furtively. Aemond had asked you to go to the event together, but the idea of being photographed terrified you, and you'd agreed on meeting there instead.

"Oh. My. Motherfucking. God."

Margaery Tyrell, the prettiest girl you had ever met and your dear friend, was staring at her phone. She looked up at you and turned the screen so you could see it.

Getty Images was the premier photo service for any and all editorial and news events, and the gala night of the King's Landing Literacy Center was definitely a society event.

On her screen was the newest batch of pictures, taken mere moments before, of the Targaryens arriving at the event. And the one she'd clicked on was of Aemond. Wearing green chaps and a cropped jacket to match.

"What the actual fuck? Alicent is going to get an ulcer!" she laughed, and you had to smile.

Aemond looked amazing, of course, he could wear a fucking rubbing bag and look striking, but this was next level. And considering how Alicent had reacted to him wearing leather gloves that went up to his biceps, you knew she was going to flip out.

You texted him quickly. Chaps? Really?

"There's Baela," Margaery said, "I'm going to say hello."

You nodded and looked around, but although you caught sight of Aegon and Daeron, you didn't see Aemond anywhere.

A moment later, you were being pulled behind the curtain and as you opened your mouth to scream, a familiar voice rasped in your ear. "It's me."

You whirled around and then Aemond was kissing you, his hands on your ass, the scent of his cologne warm and spicy. You sank into him, sliding your hands up the smooth leather of his jacket. When he pulled back, he brushed his nose against yours. "You look incredibly beautiful."

"You look like you just stepped out of a magazine," you replied, reaching up to caress his cheek.

"Come on," he said, tugging on your hand.

You raised an eyebrow. "You just got here."

Aemond smiled. "Do you really want to stay here?"

Your stomach rumbled before you could answer, and Aemond ran a hand through your hair, "have you eaten today?"

"It's been a few hours."

"Well, that won't do," he said, leading you through the kitchen area. Hundreds of small plates with unrecognizable bits were laid out on prep tables, and Aemond pulled you closer. "Let's go get some real food. But first, I need to get rid of these."

* * * * *

"Much better."

Aemond smiled at you, the green leather chaps and jacket now safely in the backpack he'd asked his stylist friend to put away for him. He ran his hand through his hair and you decided that it didn't matter what he wore. Whether it was some outrageous getup to annoy his mother or the black button down and slim trousers he wore now, you thought he looked great.

"So, what did she say when she saw you?"

He opened the car door for you, waiting for you to be safely in before closing it and walking around to the other side.

"Oh she didn't say anything, but I'm sure she will call tomorrow to read me the riot act. What do you want to eat?"

"I'm dying for a cheeseburger after that movie," you laughed, remembering the very disturbing movie you'd watched together the previous week.

You remembered being incredibly charmed when he casually told you he'd gone through his stuff and cleared out half the closet for you, if you wanted to bring your stuff over. It wasn't official and he hadn't asked yet, but you knew he really wanted you around all the time, and you'd find little things here and there he had bought thinking of your comfort at his place.

It had only been a few weeks since that first night together but your lives had meshed together, and when he spoke of future plans that included you, you realized it felt natural and that you wanted the same.

* * * * *

"Happy?"

You turned to Aemond. "Yeah, that was a good burger."

He smiled, squeezing your hand. "I meant with me." He looked at you, his expression almost shy. "Are you happy with me?"

You reached up, running your fingertips through his hair. "Yes. I'm very happy with you."

He nodded. "Good, good." He grabbed your face in his hands, kissing you gently. "I am incredibly happy with you."

You leaned into him, sighing into the next kiss.

"Would you move in? With me? Stay here?"

You smiled up at him. "I would love that."

* * * * *