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sugucvnt · 18 days ago

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PERFECT ROLE | 2.7k

alcoholic! toji fushiguro x fem!reader

description: you’ve always been his perfect housewife. you’ve been there to keep the bed warm, keep the food hot, and there to cry when he’s been out all night drinking.

tags/warning: angst, crying, kitchen sex, clothed sex, mentions of drinking, implied alcoholic, toji's not a great husband but he is trying, REPOST (from my other account lolol), emotional sex

all of your days seem to start the same.

laundry, feeding your child, cleaning her room, etc. when you signed up for motherhood, you weren’t expecting the redundancy that tags along with it. still, even your bad days feel good and you couldn’t imagine trading motherhood for anything else. you smile a little as you tuck your last child into bed, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead before leaving quietly.

you have no regrets because you love your little girl. and sometimes, you love your husband too. the sound of jingling keys seems to snap you out of your thoughts and you huff out a breath, making your way downstairs. the stairs croak a bit, so you’re aware he knows you’re coming.

it isn’t written on your face, but you are rather upset. you’ve known your husband since he was a teenager- which means you’re aware of things he may not even be aware of. like the fact that he honestly prefers eating with other people. you’ve noticed the man goes a little crazy when you refuse to eat at the table with him. not just that, though, but you know the way his mind works.

toji doesn’t know what a promise is. or he’s got no idea what it means to make one.

he’ll make tons of empty promises that he never intended to keep in the first place, and then he’ll get pissy at you for being upset with him. it’s unfortunate, but you’ve always learned to just accept it and work around that flaw. until now, you’ve never allowed his blatant disregard for your feelings to send you into such despair. your emotions are a tool you’ve worked diligently to keep in place. it’s like a stone wall: they aren’t so easily broken or disturbed. not by just anyone, at least. the only person who could disturb the artificial peace you’ve created to keep yourself sane is toji.

you’re barely near the man, still leisurely walking down your loud, wooden steps- but you can smell him.

cheap liquor. it’s all you’ve been able to smell this week.

“‘m back,” he calls, the shrinking scar on his lip pulling into a sickening grin. it seems so long ago but there was a time when you enjoyed his smile. there was a time when it brightened your day just to see the stupid little smirk he’d have on his face when you did something for him, or even when you’d wore a pretty outfit he liked.

“it’s late, toji,” you start, finally making your way down the steps and right past your husband. he barely feels like that to you anymore. “haven’t even had work this week but you’re out all night. it’s funny.”

you shoot him a quick glare before brightening up the kitchen a bit when you turn the stove light on.

“don’t be like that, i let you go out when you wanna.” he sits in one of the chairs in the dining area, a sly grin still glued to his stupid face. your eyebrows furrow and your head turns to look at him, your hand anxiously playing with the loose strings of your nightgown.

“let me? toji, you can’t let me do anything. i haven’t even been out to do anything but run errands.” another sigh escaped your lip and you feel like you might vomit. you’ve been up since 6, running errands, doing laundry, and making breakfast. not to mention, crying yourself nearly to death worrying about your husband. is he alright? why’s he been out so much recently? does he need to talk?

you’re worried out of your mind. it’s like your head’s been spinning and your thoughts aren’t even your own. so anxious, you’re nearly on the verge of vomiting daily. toji hardly even notices you said anything before he’s back to picking at the food on his plate.

“you promised you wouldn’t keep drinking.” he’s draining your energy day by day and you’re unsure if you can even keep up. your voice is merely a croak, fingers still widely tangling and untangling in the loose threads of your satin gown. you wanna say good night and kiss him on the cheek? even tell him that you aren’t mad, just worried is all.

you don’t.

you’re about to move past him. you’re tired and irritated- you need some sleep and a long bath and much to your dismay, he carefully grabs your arm. you’ve been with the kids all day. the kids you’d agreed to procreate when he promised a foolish illusion of a perfect family. you won’t regret your children- don’t think you could ever live with yourself if you did, honestly.

but you’re starting to think you chose the wrong person to start a family with.

he doesn’t speak. his presence is so subtle, it’s like he’s holding his breath. you feel a chill run through your back when he pulls you into his lap, attempting to have you straddle him. your energy, the rest of it, has been used up for the night. you don’t have the proper motivation to even fight with him. on a normal night, maybe you’d push him away a little hard and then come back to apologize. maybe on a normal night, you’d just bury your face in his welcoming neck without fighting him. maybe even ask if he’s okay. you wanna know. you gotta.

however, tonight isn’t a normal night. you haven’t had one in a while.

you have enough energy to turn your head to the side. you can barely stomach looking at his flushed face and wild hair. he’s as red as a tomato, with individual strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. you’ve been missing him so much that the images of how happy he used to look simply from being around you and your children flash through your mind, almost as if your own head’s mocking you. like your mind’s telling you how pathetic it is that you’re losing the family you built. going from a loving housewife to your husband’s burden.

does he hate you? is that why he’s been acting so recklessly? you’re no stranger to fantasizing about your life before a family. you often thought about a different career choice or how much free time you’d have if something, anything, had changed. that didn’t mean you didn’t want toji anymore, though. the thought of him hating you or feeling any type of disgust with you caused your stomach to churn painfully, embarrassingly enough. he was still your lover. always had been.

“you know how much i love you, yeah?” he whispers, the scent of liquor heavy on his thick tongue. his words cause you to flush with a bittersweet sensation. loves you? he’s constantly gone and making you worried. you can’t remember the last time he asked about your day or helped out at home.

you pout childishly, stifling an unwanted laugh. nothing about this is amusing to you, but you genuinely can’t help the laugh beginning to escape your lips. “yeah? then i don’t see why you make me worry so much.” you finally bring yourself to face him, tears awkwardly welling in your eyes. blinking them away, you subconsciously pressed your head against his. you can hear his breath hitch in his throat before his hands gently grip your clothed waist. you’ve been doing well at keeping your frustration with your situation at bay, but something about sitting in your husband’s lap just broke you. when was the last time you were able to feel his warmth? it felt nice. you were starting to remember just how much you missed feeling his body against yours again.

god, you were beginning to feel so needy.

“hey,” you hear him start before he quickly stops talking. you assume he’s attempting to rack his tipsy brain for the right words, but it must be difficult in his haze. still, he’s seeming to sober up in your presence. “don’t cry, please. not over me.”

tears still drip from your eyes, your body ignoring his words. how can you stop now? you’ve been crying all day. all week. he’ll never understand what he’s doing to your mind until it’s too late for the both of you. you’re constantly on edge, feeling like you’ll break. he’ll tell you something sweet, claiming he’ll stop or that he’s sorry- but won’t do anything to make you believe it. you’ve stopped trusting him and you hate that so much. hate how much you’re regretting a relationship with him and how far you’ve both taken it.

neither of you is ready to be together.

even then, you can’t leave. you have a child together. and secretly, even if you won’t admit it, you still love him. even if you’re angry and frustrated, and depressed- you’ll always love him. you’ll always be here, keeping the bed warm and keeping food on the table for when he gets home.

that’s one promise you can’t break.

“please, you’re hurting me a lot.” you’re trying to be honest. until now, you’ve held the way you’ve felt for as long as possible, only confronting him when the situation escalates. you’ve been a good woman. a good wife, for him. “i can’t- not by myself. please, toji. please.” you plead with him, bringing the back of your hand up to quickly wipe away your unwelcome tears.

even in the dim light, you can tell how much his face drops seeing you cry. you’re aware of how his mouth opens, but then quickly shuts. his eyes find yours and his hands squeeze your waist a little. nothing is stopping you from releasing a low groan, so you do. poking your lip out while you watched, or rather felt, for his every move.

he presses a chaste kiss to your neck and suddenly, you can’t remember what you were so upset about. the feeling of his scarred lip bewitches you and forces more groans from your lips. your body seems to move on its own, hips gyrating over his clothed bulge in a steady movement. your lips move to his neck now, your brain filling with fuzz while his hands travel over your needy body. goosebumps begin to form along your skin when he touches you, but he barely notices. it’s been too long since you’ve been touched like this.

“there she is,” toji pushes his strands of hair out of his face before gently grabbing your chin. his eyes are intimidating as ever, but you feel a sudden warmth when he looks at you now. the same gentle fire in his stomach you used to feel. it’s dangerous. it’s dangerous because it feels like hypnotism. every worry or stressor in your life seems to become so blurry they’ve disappeared. your feelings are surprisingly at ease, and shoulders that were once tense now drop lazily. “my pretty lil’ housewife. knew you couldn’t stay mad at me…”

his words should snap you out of your daze. they should upset you because now it’s clear he’s either attempting to make a shitty apology or distract you. despite your awareness, you’re unable to bring yourself to stop.

“yeah…” you breathe out hoarsely, attempting to roll your hips against his hardening bulge once again before he stops you, tightly gripping your waist. your head shoots up to stare at him, silently questioning him. his hands quickly leave your waist before silently fumbling with his belt and zipper. you suck your lip into your mouth and nervously pull your nightgown up to your tummy. the world around the both of you seems to fade away, the only thing on your mind now being your husband. toji, toji, toji.

you breathe out a cool breath, shaky fingers snaking down to pull your sticky panties to the side. your husband’s mouth pulls into a grin when he notices his effect on you, blowing some air from his mouth. you watch intently as his thick fingers wrap around the base of his cock. he glances up at you for a split second before he’s rubbing the top of his cock against your wet clit. you shiver, your chest rising and falling dramatically from such a simple touch. you can feel nerves surge throughout your stomach from both pleasure and anxiety, but you ignore it.

it’s painfully quiet, the only sounds being your soft groans and toji’s grunts. he slicks his cock with a mixture of saliva and your arousal before lining it with your entrance. once he pushes in, you can no longer contain yourself. your eyes water again from the stretch, but you’re still moaning. couldn’t stop if you wanted to. your mouth hangs open, tongue lolling to the side while bottoms out in your tight heat.

“been so long baby,” he whimpers, fucking whimpers, in your ear, the familiar feel of his hands now back on your waist. “missed feeling you like this so bad.” you can feel his hips thrust upward, fucking into you in swift movements while you just take it. you feel his cock drag against your sopping walls, the sound of your slick gushing not going unnoticed by either of you. it’s almost awkward the way you just sit there and take what he’s giving you.

his pace slows down now and then, the gentle drag of his throbbing cock sending waves of pleasure through your body. you huff out gentle breaths into his neck while toji has his way with your body for the first time in a while. neither of you feels talkative tonight given the tension, but you wanna cry out to him. your body’s been on fire these nights without feeling his cock filling you up so, so so perfectly.

with a free hand, he makes a gap between the both of you and presses his finger to your aching clit, causing you to cry out loudly. you throw your head back, finally gaining a bit of control. you leisurely rotate your hips, holding onto toji’s broad shoulders as a way to keep your balance. toji never stops moving. he never stops fucking himself inside of you, one hand gripping your ass while the other gently presses down on your clit.

you know he isn’t good at apologies. is this his way of apologizing? you can’t help but wonder.

he could feel your walls gripping him like you were too afraid to let go- and it was driving him insane. you could tell as much, groaning from the way he throbbed inside of you. “gripping me like-” he stops and grunts, pace quickening once again. you can hear the sound of his cock pounding you, along with the sound of your slick continuing to escape your pussy. it’s almost too much, really. “like you want another baby. do you? you wan’ another, hm?”

goodness, no. you don’t need another child in this situation. you wouldn’t be ready and you know he wouldn’t be either. despite that fact, the fantasy of him pumping more children into you was starting to force a reaction from you. your toes clenched tightly while you rode his cock, pulling yourself off a bit before sliding down quickly. the nerves in your stomach were out of control and you broke out in chills. you were almost there. you buried your face in his shoulder while you moaned, riding out your quiet orgasm. his fingers sped on your aching clit, encouraging you to use him for your own pleasure. he was so lovely in bed.

toji whispered how much of a good girl you were for him before he found himself painting your walls in thick ropes of hot cum. he thrusts into you a few more times before halting, hands weakly wrapping around your hips in an attempt to pull you even closer.

he didn’t have to say anything for you to know he was sorry.

“‘m sorry i haven’t changed.” his voice was croaky, you’d noticed.

“‘ts okay. won’t leave you. can’t.” your lips were pursed while you lay your head on his shoulder, thinking about your words. there was nothing sadder to you than your own desperation. no matter how this played out, you couldn’t see yourself leaving him. no matter how much you were regretting your marriage, you’d never leave.

you were realizing that maybe you weren’t good for each other after all. the toxicity of your relationship was nothing to laugh at.

but even then, you’d continue playing the role of his perfect housewife.

#— TOJI FUSHIGURO #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk #jjk smut #jjk x reader #toji smut #toji x reader #smut #fanfic #jujustu kaisen #toji fushiguro smut

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sylenth-l · 2 months ago

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Hello, I've been a big fan of your work for a while now and I absolutely love your designs for the destiny characters who don't get as much attention as they should.

But I also wanted to ask what made you choose the designs that you did?

Like Timur, Tevis, and Jaren

You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But I'm just curious.

Hey, thank you so much! I'm very glad you like my character designs, since I tend to worry a lot about them ; w ; 💙 I also get so attached to them in the process that I struggle to accept other versions, even when they appear in canon one way or another cough comicAndal COUGH cough Radegast The answer got a bit too lengthy...

Hard to say, usually I just have A Feeling how a certain character should look when I read about them. I rarely immediately imagine them in full detail (unless there's a clear description ofc), but I always have this vague image with maybe 1-2 key features inside of my head. These features may not be even directly connected to appearance - it's really just some impressions from the characters which I later think how to reflect in their looks. I then try to put it on paper and see if the result matches my impression of them or not. Sometimes it works out fast and sometimes it just feels wrong no matter what I do - in this case I usually put the character aside for some time until I come up with something more interesting for them. I also try to vary facial features and color schemes so that different characters don't look the same or way too similar to each other (unless intended). And I think about how they will look together as well - like, if these characters are from one group and will be often seen together, I want them to look good/interesting side by side and be easily distinctive from each other. There are also a lot of other nuances, but in general that's it.

With these three in particular that you've mentioned: Tevis and Jaren stayed pretty much unchanged from how I imagined them. I only tried to give them some more unique facial features, since for Tevis I was worried people will confuse him with Shin, and Jaren really looked like Andal's recolor with a different haircut at first 🤣 I like Andal and Jaren having some similarities, but not THAT much, lmao. I've also seen Jaren drawn by other great artists I'm sure you all know if you're into Palamon story; maybe these influenced me as well, though I honestly imagined him that way even before seeing any Destiny fanart at all. I've read Shin's whole story slowly opening lore books in the game itself before I've engaged with the fandom in any way; this being partly the reason why it blew my mind so much - I had literally 0 spoilers and was absolutely Not Prepared asdifaskdjhf

With Timur it's a very different story, full of pain and suffering 💀 If you've been with me since ancient times, you probably remember how I kept repeating that I have no idea how him and Felwinter are supposed to look and that however I draw them now will probably change later. And the scary revelation is... I'M STILL NOT FULLY SATISFIED ASLKHJDAKJHSA I've been much more happy with Felwinter since I've learned how to paint dark metal and it instantly made him look way better and closer to what I think he should look like (imo). Timur I guess ended up looking like a mix of all Timurs I've ever seen, read and heard about, and while at first I didn't like how he turned out at all, I think now... I've got used to him already. I don't think I can change his appearance drastically anymore. Funnily enough, but I think the turning point for me was his pipe. Somehow it put his whole image together in my eyes, and it became a lot easier for me to get him after doing that first portrait with the pipe.

#ask #destiny #sorry for a messy answer...

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homestuckreplay · 2 months ago

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Boondollar Financial Crisis Imminent

(page 877-885)

Rose Lalonde is an absolute hero and a fool. With three minutes left until meteor impact and no safe place left to escape to, she logs into Sburb to check on John. And THEN begins explaining what she’s learned about meteors to him. John is so right to say ‘um, ok. i don't really think i get it. is this relevant?’ (p.880) I think both these two are smart and good at solving problems, but Rose is the only one who needs to provide a lengthy explanation of how and why she did it.

People in Homestuck sure love ascending and descending recently. I’ve found all the examples so far, and everyone’s had the chance to ascend, but so far only Rose and Jade have also descended. Also, the two most recent of these – [S] Jade: Descend and [S] Rose: Ascend – have both linked back to John’s rooftop battle.

page 660 John: Ascend to the highest point of the house.

665 [S] Dave: Ascend to the highest point of the building.

757 [S] WV: Ascend.

788 Jade: Ascend.

879 [S] Rose: Ascend.

840 Rose: Descend.

843 [S] Jade: Descend

Navigating via the Sburb interface is a moment where the second person perspective really pays off. I sure am Rose Lalonde right now. It’s also effective at showing us the state of John’s house (even more destroyed by imps and oil, windows broken, chunks of wall on the alchemiter, but no more ogres yet) without John himself having to run around and look.

The end of this fight is incredible. Nannasprite is the MVP, apparently able to make a ghost duplicate of anything in the house and a giant laser. She puts John in the oven. She puts him in the oven like a cookie???? Rose also helps out by dropping a fridge (ultimate bludgeoning weapon) and bouncing John, easily the bounciest of the four kids, off the alchemiter. But they’re both careful to give John the killing blow and therefore the experience points. He comes out triumphant, surrounded by grist bigger than he is, streaked with tar instead of blood. The silly elements, the teamwork, and the more comical antagonist of the ogre all combine to make this the opposite of Dave’s fight, where he was fighting alone, attacked by the person who should be supporting him, and ended up getting thrown down the stairs with no reward.

New grist!!!! The ogres drop both tar and mercury. If John has mercury and Jade has uranium, I wonder what highly dangerous element Rose and Dave will end up with. And with his level ups, John is now a Boy-Skylark, something I can’t help linking to ‘heir of breath’ – air, flying, sky, birds – especially as Nanna mentions the Sassacre prophecy just a few pages later.

I think it’s possible to interpret the spritelog on page 885, and Nanna holding the old Sassacre book in her aura, as her adding the message to the front right now. But I still think she wrote it when John was very young – page 759 is written as though Nanna is vague on how John will grow up – he is ‘no doubt’ handsome and strapping, but it’s unconfirmed – and there ‘will come a day’ when John goes on an adventure, but it’s written as if in the future. Also, if she were writing this now, I think Nanna’s words would appear in glowing blue ink because her powers seem to work like that.

The key insight from this spritelog, I think, is that when John goes through the first gate, ‘everything will change. You will find the place where the constellations dance beneath the clouds. And then your true work may begin’ which suggests that instead of building straight up, each gate will take John to a different location, and maybe he needs to find his way back to the house in order to build up again. This ‘true work’ is surely connected to the Ultimate Riddle, the point of all this that John still needs to find out (p.425) which is entirely unclear to me, the reader. Between the meteors, other planets, various chess piece entities, and mystical predictive powers, it feels like whatever is going on is too alien for regular human logic, made by something with a completely different understanding of existence.

This image from page 884 is so ominously composed. The soulless gray roof stretching off into the empty wasteland and John’s dark silhouette reaching out to it is incredibly eerie, a real reminder of how isolated John is. Now if I’m not mistaken, this is the hole John looked up through on page 539 – the one leading to his dad’s room. And that page was also composed with a lot of gravity, really trying to make what’s inside that hole feel important. But this time, Rose isn’t around to tell John not to go in. This could be a big moment for John, and we cold finally learn the truth about Dad’s business clown troupe.

John’s ‘do you think that instead of telling me exactly why that is with a clear explanation, you can give me a series of really coy riddles about it and then sort of giggle?’ (p.885) is holding hands with Rose’s ‘I require a font of frighteningly accurate yet infuriatingly nonspecific information. Do you know where I can find a wellspring of this sort?’ (p.838). It does help that they’re all written by the same person but it’s sweet to me when the kids talk like each other; I know I pick up turns of phrase from my friends so it really helps establish the closeness between them.

> John: Attempt to captchalogue a unit of build grist.

#homestuck #reaction #the fact that nannasprite's arm can go that far from her body is. potentially plot critical #also as a dnd player i did think it was a good joke when john said he had no idea what to spend boondollars on #chrono

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beyourselfchulanmaria · 9 months ago

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【Part 1】

你先通過我的城市-高雄柴山的挑戰之後我就向你推薦和建議其他台灣的山脈 After you pass the challenge of my city - Kaohsiung Shoushan first, I will suggest other mountains in Taiwan to you ha!

👆 我這張封面頭像的故事背景就是我住的城市有一座人盡皆知、依山傍海並且滿是台灣猿猴的"柴山"，山上有很多爬山的路線，退休老人當然都選比較容易健行的路線，而我們卻挑戰一條俗稱"A線攻頂"。(The story background of my cover photo is that the city where I live has a well-known "Shoushan／Monkey Mountain", which is surrounded by mountains and seas and there's full of Taiwanese apes. There are many climbing routes on the mountain, and retired elders of course choose the easier ones to hike. route, but we challenged a route commonly known as "A line to the top" The path very less people go even young guys under the sun heat day.) ～

We chose a way It's really terrible difficulty climbing path to top of mountain, especially way to back I still remember clearly want me die at the time. lol and look my face… XD I was serious thinking & praying secretly : Jesus, Did I use my two legs get down to moutain or could you give me wings flying but rather a ball rolling down straight to the hospital better?! You know that I even almost cry to please : Oh No!

柴山 (Shoushan, Kaohsiung/Taiwan) - 入口位於中山大學文學院旁 / A線攻頂記 ◠‿◠ in 2015, April. 28. (It was 9 years ago. Time flies! lol)

Since a story He was a New Zealand mountaineer, explorer and philanthropist. On 29 May 1953, Hillary and Nepalese Sherpa mountaineer Tenzing Norgay became the first climbers to reach the summit of Mount Everest. once He said: "The key is not just to climb to reach the summit of Everest, it should be able to secure more important down." And as people said that " It's not ending on the hilltop, Must be returned safely to be successful. If you want to mountain climbing, be sure to leave enough time to come back. " then climbed on mountain, though laborious, but not prone to danger. If down the mountain, It's easily slip down. so have to grasp the balance. And if the speed is too fast, legs and feet will be sore and trembling. Accidentally, it became a free fall and fell directly down the mountain. In addition, the metaphor ~~~ "When a person's social status will improve honored, It's easy for their life, but if It became lower status, it felt embarrassed and sad days. Must be learn and To face it also." ...much regard.

距今約70年前第一個登上珠穆朗瑪峰的紐西蘭的登山家和探險家艾德蒙·希拉里曾經說過：「攀登珠峰的關鍵並不只是登上頂峰，應該是能夠安全下山更為重要。」以及「登山不是登頂就結束了，還得安全返回才算成功。如果要登山的話，一定要留夠回來的時間。」意指上山雖費力但不容易發生危險，下山雖省力卻容易失足。下山時重力重心是向下，自身作用力也是向下，所以要確實掌握住平衡，弄不好前衝力過大，會發生危險。以及速度如果太快，腿腳會發酸並且發抖。一不小心變成為自由落體直接滑落山下。另外，比喻~~~「當一個人的社會地位提高時感到榮耀，日子容易過，但若是地位降級時感到丟臉，日子難過。」

#chu lan #can't be called hiking but almost dying lol #hiking? no it's real mountain climbing #proud you're alive finally #my memories #朱蘭皮藝 #fine craft artist #leather art artist #beautiful life #柴山 (壽山/猴子山)#A線攻��記 #shoushan #kaohsiung/taiwan

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guyofthing · 6 days ago

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Fun fact: obviously we all know that the trolls in Homestuck were initially inspired by, well, internet trolls. There's kind of an aspect of that in Fragments, but less the troll part and more the internet part. They're partially based on the ways we use the internet to harm each other. Wait, actually. This was gonna be a quick little paragraph but it's turning into an essay.

CONTENT WARNINGS: I don't think there's any strong content warnings but if there is, someone please let me know so I can update this.

WARNING THE SECOND (joke): my formatting is shit and my essay is EXTREMELY long. I'm still learning how to do long-form shit in a way that's concise and readable.

I first gained unrestricted access to the internet in 2019. Most of the fixtures of the internet that I talk about here came to fruition in 2020-2022, far as I can tell, though they'd been developing much longer than that.

I could write all fucking day about what makes our current internet the way it is (and in fact had to delete two long paragraphs of speculation on why people my age acted the way we did online as tweens), but it doesn't really matter. What does matter is how it impacts Fragments.

Fragments, fundamentally, is a comic about relationships. It's about how people affect each other. Indirectly and directly. Externally and internally. Positively and negatively. And just like the trolls in Homestuck are inspired by internet trolls and internet culture, the trolls in fragments are inspired by the unique ways online spaces affect people, usually negatively.

Leusse and Mentis' kismesissitude, for instance, is inspired by something I have witnessed so many fucking times on this fucking website. The moment someone in a marginalized position does something someone else doesn't like (primarily trans women, primarily the terrible, terrible crime of not wanting to have to plaster themselves with warning signs just to be allowed to exist), the offended party with find any and every excuse to label them as "problematic".

They will play to your pathos by positioning the party they are attacking (again, nearly always a trans woman) as having done something that strikes people as an unforgiveable moral wrong. A very popular tactic (surprise surprise, also done by the popular media to trans women) is to accuse them of grooming. This creates an environment in which a lot of trans women are afraid to even interact with anyone under the age of eighteen online, let alone be openly horny or engage with adult content.

Leusse and Mentis's relationship is not a direct translation of this phenomenon. That was, however, the inspiration. Mentis wants to control Leusse, and so she positions her as being dangerous. Leusse's whole thing, her whole fucking thing, is that she likes to pretend at being a villain. Key word being pretend. It's fucking campy, it's fucking cartoonish. She's not a bad person, she's Dr. Doofenshmirtz. She's Team Rocket. Mentis weaponizes this to make her look like a threat, and everyone fucking believes it, despite knowing that Leusse doesn't want to hurt anyone. I'll let you do the math. You've seen the witch hunts for trans women on this site. You've seen them get obliterated for something as innocuous as enjoying a piece of fictional media that's been deemed problematic.

Another cool example that's a little lighter is Rephel Eangil's relentless posturing. Rephel, being a mutant initially from Beforus, is easily the most similar character in Fragments to her Homestuck counterpart, Kankri Vantas, though it may not seem like it on the surface. In fact, the Eangils as a whole are incredibly inspired by the Vantases, especially so far as their relationship to authority. I'm not here to talk about Kankri, but if you actually understand his character, that fact is pretty enlightening. Rephel is a poser. This is incredibly important to remember.

Rephel is representative of the prioritization of optics over action in internet politics. Contributing in any way to activism or raising awareness doesn't matter. What matters is pronouncing your support for the Correct Thing. This applies to her identity as punk as well. She lacks the punk ethos completely, and doesn't actually stand for any of the things her favorite bands stand for. But she listens to the music, right? She doesn't just buy the merch, that's a no-no, she makes her own. She's loud and rowdy and rebellious. But politically? She falls completely flat. Her views don't differ at all from the clown cult she grew up on.

Meanwhile, she attacks her dancestor, Gabrie, for not rejecting the clurch (clown clurch). Of course, Gabrie's optics are terrible. She claims to be a rebel, claims to want to follow in the footsteps of her Ancestor, and yet she's a soft spoken little juggalo in clown paint and her highblood brother's colors. This is where the harm comes in. Rephel claims to be an advocate for lowblood's rights. She isn't even friends with any. Gabrie, meanwhile, used her connections within the Clurch to get better opportunities for lowbloods on Alternia. Gabrie spends all her time with a lowblood activist and a midblood class traitor, neither of whom fit Rephel's definition of what a revolutionary is supposed to be with. She sees this as a threat to her own self-identification as a rebel and a punk, and so she does everything in her power to undermine them. She is actively sabotaging her own movement just to make herself look better, and it's so incredibly similar to the kind of performative activism you see a lot here.

There's probably more, but I'm tired. But the bottom line is that the worst parts of today's internet are on full display in Fragments, and in that way I think it is very Homestuck indeed.

#guy of essay #guy of fragments #mentis consil #leusse laedre #gabrie eangil #rephel eangil #FUCKING EXPLODES THIS TOOK ME HOURS. GOODNIGHT.

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commajade · 1 year ago

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okay i turned off reblogs on both of those posts. multiple people felt that what i said was inappropriate and i care about that. i left them up so there is still evidence of what i said, please let me know if i should delete them.

i am very sorry that i misspoke and made inappropriate generalizations. i said things that unintentionally aligned with racist patterns in internet rhetoric and was not aware and responsible enough to word things better. i will continue to learn from this experience and i will put a lot more care in how i speak moving forward. i will also work to be be more aware of when it is best not to speak.

i do not want anyone who reads these posts and agrees with me to try to defend me or speak to other people on my behalf.

i have not sent any anonymous messages. i was not aware that my posts were being criticized until a couple hours before this post was originally posted and have been editing it as i understand the situation better. i accept the criticism of my words and how i have allowed other people's harmful behavior on my behalf.

i apologize for the length of this post but i am simply trying to clarify and i think that speaking more makes things more clear.

to clarify the post about shinee:

i am not defending taemin and key and i think what they said is shocking, disgusting, and hurtful. i did not mean to make it seem like a long essay defending them. i am not saying that they couldn't help it or that people shouldn't criticize them. they should criticize them, it was awful.

i made the post because i thought it would be irresponsible not to address it when i have publicly liked them on this blog for a long time and a lot of people follow me for posts about them. i see that i should have been more careful about how i talk about things and the post may not have been necessary in the first place.

i specifically mention antiblackness because it is the specific racial dynamic that global society today is structured around. every aspect of racism is related to it because of the history of empire and how it shapes race as we know it. colorism was present before modern concepts of race but it is perpetuated as a pillar of white supremacy to support antiblackness. however it does not target me directly and i should have a lot more care about how i talk about it, as well as knowing when to not speak at all.

i didn't make clear the connection i was drawing between shinee being more open and honest with their colorist comments. i didn't mean that their true selves are hateful and colorist. i mentioned that only because i have been posting about this pattern in their professional behavior before and it was a continuity with other posts i have made about taemin and key that are complimentary. i did not mean for people who do not follow me to see the post so i should not have allowed the post to be reblogged.

i meant that korea is deeply colorist because of historical and political reasons and colorism is the norm because we live in a racist society. and that recently focusing career-wise on having more candid moments reveals more easily the ways in which racism is normalized and manifests in people's unchallenged habits and behaviors. they should never have said that and the editors should never have left it in, but colorism is normalized in korean society because of historical and political factors.

in my ask response, i said that all people are racist. i take back the statement and edited the original version of the post. i meant that racism is the ordering logic of global society today because of white supremacy and empire. every person is shaped and affected by it. i did not mean that every person is hateful and violent. when i say ideologically indoctrinated, i mean unconscious conditioning throughout life because society is structured around racism, not that people who are conditioned to be racist should be sympathized with and exempt from consequences because of that. because of the context of the post it was asking about, it was not appropriate to generalize because the people who did harmful racist actions in this context are korean and i am also korean.

every racist action should be met with consequences. public actions should be met with public criticism. there are degrees of harm that people do to others with their actions that are shaped by racism. what taemin and key did was very harmful and should be criticized. i spoke in a way that was an inappropriate response to what was happening and was criticized.

i added this to the ask: it only takes a little thought, experience, and empathy to know to not be actively colorist and racist. it is normalized in society to be colorist because it is a part of racism. what i meant is that everyone is shaped and affected by racism. people are not born racist, being a racist is not a thing you are and can't help being. saying and doing racist things is an active choice that no one should make regardless of their background. people should always be fully criticized for these actions. i should have been more careful about my wording and i will continue to think about why i have been understood in a certain way.

i did not mean to encourage non action and say that they can't help being racist. i know that people do speak this way and i made the mistake of speaking in a way that could align with that kind of rhetoric.

again i apologize for speaking in a way that was not appropriate considering the larger conversation about what happened. i apologize for the actions of anyone who thought they were speaking on my behalf. and also for the length of this post, i don't know how else to get this across. no one has to accept my apologies and i am not expecting that, but it is important to me to apologize here as thoroughly as i can.

please let me know if i should clarify other aspects of what i said or if i should take other actions.

#personal

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youremyheaven · 4 months ago

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I MISSED YOU TOO <3333

ive never done any substances (never plan to. i don’t even want to touch cigarettes or alcohol because of past abuse with people who had a bad relationship with such things which was taken out on me instead) BUT one thing about depression that i cant find anyone talking about it how disoriented i am??

im alone these days so i blank at times just sitting on the floor and suddenly its 3 hours later, or i keep sleeping at 4-5am because ive had consecutive nightmares (even during naptimes) and so my sense of time is really really messed up

i still think its the start of september and the worst part is that im not even doing anything, im just blank, but sometimes im sobbing, sometimes im just tired but unable to sleep yk? youre so relatable about the cloudy part too because i still feel like im just in a daze

my last 1h year was actually horrid though. i never thought anyone else experienced it that way but mine was ☺️☺️ not the best. probably the worst year of my life LOLLL

I DID ASSUME YOU WERE A 12HOUSER but i always did just assume that you would have some significant pisces energy somewhere because of general vibes + the life experiences you talked about

the way i’m a 6th houser but im so stuck in spirituality all the time 😭😭 ive been disoriented this entire month but its also bc ive been doing spiritual stuff that kinda results in the detatchment from this 3D body yk? so when i snap back here its just off and weird but its so cool that we are kinda mirroring each other

AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE your analogy about emptiness meaning more space to grow like YES youre so right— i may tjink i have nothing coming up or building up for me rn but that just means more space to create new things i like right?? such a clever and cute way to think about things

- mother anon (an angel that is in the process of sewing on new wings)

"ive never done any substances (never plan to. i don’t even want to touch cigarettes or alcohol because of past abuse with people who had a bad relationship with such things which was taken out on me instead) BUT one thing about depression that i cant find anyone talking about it how disoriented i am??"

GIRLL. first of all, im proud of u for having such a strong stance against substances and i hope it stays that way<3

i was dissociating pretty heavily the last few months and the brain fog took over me completely so i feel u on the disoriented bit. depression manifests differently in different individuals. being angry, taking it out on others, being easily irritable, being unable to enjoy yourself, having no motivation to get anything done etc are all symptoms. ppl always have a black & white image of someone crying all day and while that can be a part of it. depression is a range of behaviours and long term depression often makes it very disorienting to process events and time. you feel disconnected. literally.

"im alone these days so i blank at times just sitting on the floor and suddenly its 3 hours later, or i keep sleeping at 4-5am because ive had consecutive nightmares (even during naptimes) and so my sense of time is really really messed up"

living alone is REALLYYY hard if you're depressed. whatever you just said describes me under the influence of substances. i hope you can spend time with a community bc the key to tackling depression is just getting out of that funk into a new routine that allows you to constructively spend your time and give you a daily sense of purpose.

im sorry u had a bad 1h year :((( i hope it was character defining at least and helped u learn and grow!! we mould ourselves into our highest versions thru our difficulties <3

mother knows best!!! u detected the 12h vibes and u were RIGHT!!

lmaoooo u getting spiritual and detaching from reality and me getting baked out of my mind and detaching from reality is soooo funny!!! at least we both let go!! imagine being attached 🤢🤢🤮🤮🤢EWW lol

im glad u like it!! im empty but i have soooo much room in my heart for all the blessings yet to come!! <33 and SO DO U MAMA <333

may u sew dem wings on and reach places u never could have before!!! u are soooo loved and u will get soooo much better, just hang in there!!! we're all with u<33

love always,

heaven

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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 2 years ago

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#100 cylene and laventon or surveyfam as a whole? I think it would work well with your take on the survey corps?

(101 ways to say i love you with actions 100: believing in them when everyone else doesn't)

OUGH YEAH IT DOES ... so here's 3 times sinensis cyllene did things because she felt like them and for no other reason aka: You're Not Fooling Anyone, Cyllene. also in case people forgot/have not heard (very likely) i write laventon's first name as everett

---

"So. You wanted to discuss something?"

Cyllene nods, meeting Kamado's gaze steadily. "I would like to revisit the recent discussion of the formation of a new corps, as proposed by Professor Laventon."

He pauses, and looks at her with something like disbelief. "You're already well aware of my reasons for refusal, Captain. The pitch may sound in theory—but without someone competent to supervise the whole thing, it's just an elaborate way to send our people to their deaths. Unless you've got some way around that—"

"I do. I would like to volunteer for the position of captain. Zisu can take my place as head of Security."

His eyes narrow. "You think she can replace you? Competent though Zisu may be, she isn't you."

"She's not," she agrees easily. "Which is why I need to supervise this. Consider it, commander. Think of how much we have to gain."

He considers her for a moment.

Then he inclines his head slightly. "What exactly do you see in his endeavor? It must be something, if you're staking this on it."

How is she meant to explain it to him? That Everett's passion is infectious? That when he goes off on his elaborate tangents, forgetting to check if she's still listening, when she should feel exasperated, she instead feels that inexplicable pull, that specific version of which she hasn't felt in years if not decades, telling her that this is something worth guarding?

She can't; she'd sound biased at best, and mad at worst. So she goes with the straightforward.

"I believe that our team will never be fully safe in Hisui until we properly understand our surroundings. Learning to coexist with the Pokémon around us is key to our survival. The Draconids achieved it through brute force and harsh selectivity, and," she gestures vaguely, like she can point to the empire that so many of them came from, "even if we had the manpower for that approach—we've all seen how that turns out. I think the professor's approach is worth trying."

"Hmm." He closes his eyes, reviewing her argument for a moment, and then says, "...well, I suppose you would know best about that. If you're overseeing the project, I'm willing to tentatively approve it. But I'll expect it to prove its worth quickly, or we'll have to reevaluate."

She gives a sharp nod. "Understood, commander."

When she delivers the news to Laventon, he's predictably overjoyed, even with the stipulations it necessarily comes with. She tells him the same thing she'd told Kamado, when he thanks her profusely—that she just sees the possible upsides of the project, nothing more—but he accepts that with a conspiratorial smile that she's not entirely sure she likes.

---

The sun is going down, and they're both sweaty and tired and probably not going to achieve much more, so Cyllene decides to call the training session there. Rei doesn't protest as he gets to cleaning his sword and putting things away, but he's terrible at hiding, and even she can tell something's eating at him.

"Sit down," she orders, pointing at the bench next to her without looking at him.

"I'm- fine," he grinds out the answer.

"I didn't ask if you were fine. I told you to sit." Her tone makes it clear that this is an order, and doesn't leave room for argument.

So, reluctantly, he drops down next to her. She hands him the water, and they sit in silence for a while, Rei glaring out at the darkening field like the scattered pieces of wood have said something to offend him.

Cyllene doesn't say anything. She knows she can just wait long enough to outlast him.

And sure enough, finally,

"Why am I even still doing this?"

He continues, without needing to be prompted, "I mean, if I'm moving to the Survey Corps, it's not like I need to be an amazing fighter. I mean it's not–" he glances over and rephrases. "It's not like it'll be useless, there'll still be wild Pokémon and everything but—I'm not—not... defending everyone. It's not like I'm going to be competing in any contests."

"You never know," she says, dryly enough that he's not sure whether or not she's joking. And then, more seriously, "You're a fully fledged Galaxy Team member. You can't be forced into anything. Stop being my apprentice if you hate it that much."

"But I don't hate it!" he protests, because he doesn't. It feels good. It's been a routine for almost half his life.

She gives him a sidelong glance. "I don't see what the issue is, then."

"I don't feel like I'm getting any better at it. I just keep throwing myself at the same things without improving, and it's not..." he kicks the dirt, glaring at it again. "Nobody actually expects me to be any good at it. They only stuck me here to get me out of the way."

A beat.

"Do you think I pitied your family? Or that they bribed me? Do you think either of those would get me to take you on as an apprentice?" She stands up, and turns so that she's looking down at him.

"Um."

"I do not waste my time on—frivolity. I have trained you for these years because I thought it was worth my time." She jabs a finger at him. "You are allowed to doubt your worth as a swordsman if and when I say you do, and absolutely no sooner. Understand me?"

"Yes, sir," he says, blinking up at her wide-eyed.

"Good. Now finish getting cleaned up. Next time I hear anything about quitting, it better be because you're sick and tired to death of doing the same five drills every time."

She doesn't want to think to hard about the softness in his voice when he says, "thanks."

---

"She had nothing to do with this!"

Cyllene's arm is out to the side, creating a physical barrier. Akari is behind her, and she really shouldn't be raising her voice because lack of composure is the first threat to victory, but fuck it, she's angry.

"I'm not going to stand idly by and watch as your baseless paranoia spills innocent blood," she continues, shouting only thinly reined in. "This is absurd and completely unacceptable."

"You'd take her side no matter what. She's got you completely fooled," says the person across from her, and Cyllene hears Akari's breath hitch unsteadily.

"I am the captain of the Survey Corps, and I have a duty to my people," she growls. She's not sure how obvious it is that the definition of her people is rapidly narrowing to a group of about three or four. "I assure you, I know Akari far better than you do, and I know that even if she had done what you're accusing her of—which, again, is ridiculous—this would still not be an appropriate response. Leave. Now. I won't warn you again."

Predictably, they don't take the order. The second they move another step forward, she's unsheathing her sword.

I don't care what she did, she wants to roar. I don't care if she fucking killed someone. I don't care if she doomed this entire skies-damned region. I'd gladly throw the rest of this trash into the fire before I let you lay a single hand on her.

"If you're so certain of this," she says instead, "then prove it. Come and get her." She levels her blade with the tip pointing at them. "But you'll have to go through me, first."

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #swift writes #pokemon legends arceus #surveyfam #LOTS AND LOTS OF LITTLE BACKSTORY DETAILS HERE hee hee... i have Thoughts ok. lots of them even.#also in which cyllene's entire family can totally read her and she's not fooling fucking anyone lmao #cyllene like ''i don't care about any of these people'' [would throw away everything for them up to and including her life]#SCAMMED AND BLACKMAILED INTO HAVING A FAMILY!#the last one is very short bc i wanted it to be left vague who exactly she's defending akari from.#the obvious candidate is kamado but... what if... it was the clans...#love love love love when characters actively declare that they don't have any moral goals and do not care about the World At Large #if it hurts the tiny piece of the world that they care about. love characters who are selfish for their loved ones

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tonysopranosfeverdreams · 11 months ago

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can u talk more about your time in americorps? if you feel like it. i'm interested in doing it but idk if i can but i want to know what it's like

yes!! i have done americorps twice at different times in my life and they were very different experiences that were what i needed at each time

i did americorps nccc at first when i was 22 and it was probably the most life-defining experience of my life. i got to live with a small group of people and travel around the country for a year and work with different organizations which is really cool for a young person for a few different reasons, for me being:

-exposure to different types of work and organizations that are doing genuinely good work within their community. When I was in the program, we did everything from working hands-on in national and international gardens and parks, construction-type work cleaning and boarding vacant houses, working as summer school teachers and camp counselors for people with disabilities, and there are more im forgetting im sure but it really shows you the opportunities out there and pushes you out of your comfort zone to the point that you realize you are capable of much more than what you may have thought

-free food/housing, which makes it super ideal for a young person with no money and gives you the unique opportunity to actually travel and build career skills for free

-this is dependent on chance, to an extent, but i had a team i loved. we were all very very different personalities and backgrounds but very open people and we built a very strong bond which i think helped all of us learn to grow up by cooking for each other, navigating very tight living situations, having fun together, working together as a team all the time, and that's something i see a lot of people still struggling to navigate even as much older adults. but on top of those skill sets you learn, it's just fucking FUN. you get to go on tons of road trips with your best friends and meet tons of new people have cook outs, go camping, have movie nights, play hide and seek in old houses. its just really really really fun if you get paired with people who are open and caring and you learn a lot from them

There are downsides. The training for NCCC is kind of grueling. It's arguably a cult. But I easily survived on that small living stipend with the housing and food coming free and if you can take the physical training and strict rules and see them as like a way of trying new things and learning new ways to live, its actually pretty fun. I learned I actually like playing most sports and am pretty athletic. Everyone breaks all of the rules (alcohol, especially) and at least at my campus, it was very very very easy to get in trouble. I got in a lot of trouble during my stint tbh we were bad kids lol but i dont even regret that because it was fun and i learned from it and the people i was around knew me well enough to fight for me to stay in. just try not to get caught because they do kick people out at the drop of the dime, and if i had been on any other team than the highest-achieving, most close-knit one, i'm pretty sure i would have been kicked out in a heartbeat. i know multiple kids who got arrested or had other like very intense situations happen during that time, so like, it is as challenging as it is fun. please be more cautious than me if you do it.

I did AmeriCorps Vista when I was 27, after several intermediate years of working at a non-profit theatre and it was a completely different experience, but also really beneficial for me, personally. But I did get lucky again, here, in finding a career path I was interested in and people who were invested enough to put me on track for a job and trust me with some key opportunities. I'd say this is something that this option for me felt comfortable because at this point i was a full adult with expectations for autonomy and independence so it was a nice opportunity to get my foot in the door in field I cared about (for me, I had realized during my first stint that I was really passionate about making sure kids had a safe space to go during summers and afterschool, so I chose to work with an org that did that). If you do good work in VISTA, and if you commit to the work and try new things, I think it's pretty common to make a career out of it. I got the opportunity, as a VISTA, to write a grant proposal for NASA (literally on a WHIM, to give me a first stab at learning how to write grants and grow my skillset), and I got it, which basically sealed a permanent position in the org for me. From there, I was able to get additional promotions, so it was like. an extremely efficient launching point to get into a career i was interested in for me. And I think this happens for a lot of people.

Financially, VISTA Is much more difficult. I saved up some money before I started, and blew threw a lot of it just paying rent. It is possible, but i know first-hand it is very very difficult when you dont have any additional financial support, so I'd recommend trying to save up a little bit before starting or finding a living situation with roommates/where youre paying very little in rent. i do think its unethical and i know they have recently raised pay rates, since i finished my term, but i doubt it's enough to live quite comfortably without saving in advance.

In summary, NCCC is great and I'd recommend it to virtually any kid who loves to travel and wants to try new things.

VISTA is a great way to get experience in a field you think youre interested in and if you do it its very important you take risks to make yourself stand make your resume as impressive as possible

#if you have any specific questions about anything feel free to message me any time #ive been through almost all of the epic highs and lows of americorps service at this point lmao

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perzawa · 3 years ago

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PERFECT ROLE | 2.7k

toji fushiguro x fem!reader

you’ve always been his perfect housewife. you’ve been there to keep the bed warm, keep the food hot, and there to cry when he’s been out all night drinking.

warnings/tags! angst, crying, kitchen sex, clothed sex, mentions of drinking

all of your days seem to start the same.

toji doesn’t know what a promise is. or he’s got no idea what it means to make one.

you’re barely near the man, still leisurely walking down your loud, wooden steps- but you can smell him.

cheap liquor. it’s all you’ve been able to smell this week.

you shoot him a quick glare before brightening up the kitchen a bit when you turn the stove light on.

you don’t.

but you’re starting to think you chose the wrong person to start a family with.

however, tonight isn't a normal night. you haven’t had one in a while.

god, you were beginning to feel so needy.

neither of you is ready to be together.

that’s one promise you can’t break.

you know he isn’t good at apologies. is this his way of apologizing? you can’t help but wonder.

he didn’t have to say anything for you to know he was sorry.

“‘m sorry i haven’t changed.” his voice was croaky, you’d noticed.

you were realizing that maybe you weren’t good for each other after all. the toxicity of your relationship was nothing to laugh at.

but even then, you’d continue playing the role of his perfect housewife.

#jjk smut #jjk x reader #toji smut #toji fushiguro smut #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x reader #jjk toji #jjk hcs #toji hcs #toji headcanons #fushiguro smut #fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro

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stvrdrops · 2 years ago

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flirting with the enemy pt 2 | pt 1 ☆

shuri x fem!spy!reader

you finally meet with the elusive black panther again, however, under much different circumstances. could this be the end of your partnership with your corrupt employer?

warnings : mentions of kissing

word count : 3k+

note : so sorry this took way longer than expected to push out !! i’ve been so busy with work and school. i also realized it hit 200, which i made a separate post for, but thank you all !! i’m so grateful for your support during my short time on here. you’re all too kind. (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

taglist : @ziayamikaelson @shuriology @vlkyriesverse @yellowjacketmurder @justleila @shurislostwifey @liv444me

“i’ve done it…” shuri whispers out as she stands away from the large blue electronic screen in front of her. it had every calculation she had ever run on you. most of them were of your suit, but some were of your agility, strength, and beauty. none of the calculations to recreate your suit had worked until she added in the vibranium. the way you were able to teleport and leave behind particles suddenly became clear to her. it was such a good feeling whenever she learned something new, but even better when she learned something about you. now she felt like she knew your hidden trick. shuri wouldn’t let you get away so easily next time.

her lab suddenly became busy with scientists working day in and day out on a weapon to stun you so that your suit would malfunction. combating vibranium against vibranium was not something she was familiar with. it intrigued her to see how it would turn out in a fight against her. however, she is also worried that she may kill you. if the impact of the vibranium weapon hit you in the wrong spot or at too high of an input then something she couldn’t begin to imagine could happen. she did not want to use it if she didn’t have to. shuri had hoped you would easily submit.

while the scientists were busy getting the weapon built, shuri and her team were busy planning and tracking you. okoye, aneka, and nakia joined shuri with the task of capturing and questioning you.

although shuri informed the council and her peers of your visit, she left our key details. the kiss was never mentioned to anyone and shuri kept that hidden in the very back of her brain.

the black panther would catch herself dreaming about you and how soft your lips felt against her own. she could feel herself squirming in her sleep as she swore she could still feel her fingertips on your waist. her hands tingle at the thought of holding you so close to her once again. her breathing hitched when she pictured your beautiful face staring back at her. when shuri wasn’t hidden away in the lab she hid under bed sheets and blankets. she attempted to shake the feeling of you, but could never do it. talking about it was the only option she had left.

“shuri? have you learned new information?” Nakia asked as she questioned why they were all called to the lab. it had been completely empty other than herself, okoye, and shuri. had it been something about the mission then surely more people should be here. perhaps a meeting with the council should’ve been called as well.

“what information could we have missed? we know how to take the girl down and we also know where she is stationed. perhaps shuri called this meeting to explain why she is stalling.” okoye said, quickly sucking on her teeth afterwards. she had begun to grow impatient with how slow the progress was going for this mission. after all, you were a great threat for the wakandans. they had no record of you despite wakanda being your birth place. they just barely found information on your parents. it was as if you truly appeared from thin air.

the plan had been finalized weeks ago. the weapon had been tested millions of times by now, per shuri’s request. her suit had been worked on to become more durable and include and tranquillizing feature in case things went south. she was determined to catch you alive without failure. however, this meant you would be imprisoned and perhaps the banter she loved so much would cease to exist. it was selfish, putting her wants and needs before the safety of wakanda. she knew this and yet she still continued to desire you. she continued to dream about how heavenly you felt under her hands and how soft your lips felt. so that’s when shuri began planning something of her own. it was up to the girls if they wanted to help her or not.

“i am not sure if i’m ready.” shuri simply states while sitting down in a nearby chair.

“not ready? how could you not be ready?” okoye asked in an annoyed tone.

“i-i just…” shuri was stuttering as she attempted to put her feelings into words, “i have a personal connection to her. it could jeopardize us. it could jeopardize everything.”

“a personal connection? i can not believe—“

“hush okoye…” nakia quickly whispered out before turning to shuri, “what happened between you two when she came to the lab?”

shuri looked up at the two women as she contemplated telling the truth. you were tearing her apart little by little. if you happened to suddenly be in front of her then she would take down anyone in your path. she would swear to protect you, not that you needed it. she felt this urge to take care of you. she felt like bast made you for her somehow. the spiritual connection she felt towards you was deeper than anything she’s ever known.

it was naive of her but shuri could tell you weren’t stone cold. she could tell a part of you was hurt by shuri’s betrayal. she could tell you felt something for her in that kiss.

“i was compromised. i kissed her, and she kissed me back:” shuri began to explain as she ran her fingers through her hair, “i hadn’t meant for anything to come out of it. i didn’t expect to feel such complex emotions for her. it was simply a diversion tactic before it became something more, something real. i am scared to hurt her. i am scared to attack because what if something goes off plan and i am forced to live with that consequence?”

“she is a spy, shuri.” okoye blurted out, “she has stolen vibranium from wakanda and given it to whoever she works for, which we have yet to figure out. how could you have feelings for her when you don’t even know her?”

shuri could feel anger bubbling up inside of her from okoye’s words. she knew deep down that the woman was only trying to help, and was even being reasonable. however, there was no reasoning with this. no one could convince her otherwise.

“i feel like i know everything about her! i feel like i’ve studied every part of her and digging into all of this information that we don’t have about her has made me even more conflicted. i met her, i saw how she let her walls down around me. you don’t have to understand, but just know that i warned you.” shuri yelled to the two women in front of her. her hand slammed down onto the table and she stood up fast from the chair, which got sent across the room. “i am leaving and going on this mission alone. i will find her and i will make sure no harm comes to her.”

okoye and nakia could only watch as shuri grabbed up her black panther suit activator and headed off without her kimoyo beads. they hadn’t thought her serious.

“let her blow off the steam. you could’ve been easier on the girl, okoye. she’s never told me she’s had feelings for anyone before. i’m sure she’s conflicted considering the girl is meant to be an enemy.”

“ahh, she will thank me later.” okoye felt bad for being so harsh on shuri. this was a realization that shuri needed to come to and okoye was only trying to help. nakia was right though, the black panther had never expressed her interest in anyone before. the two did not even know she enjoyed the company of a woman. shuri was so incredibly private, even with those close to her. t’challa and her mother were the only ones who knew.

shuri had easily made her way around the hangar and secured herself one of the jets. the harder task was getting it out without sounding any alarms or raising eyebrows. luckily for her, the person in charge of the night shift had been far too distracted flirting with a member of the dora milaje. now all that was left was to see you.

okoye wasn’t wrong when she said they knew where you were. they had found your apartment, quite luxurious by the way, a couple weeks ago. there was one slip up within your papers. they did happen to find your parents birth records and tracked down the country they relocated to. of course, it was america. the mix of your american and wakanda accent made perfect sense to shuri. in fact, she liked the sound of it.

dora milaje were sent to script out the areas, and eventually found you located in new york. a busy city with millions of people you were sure to get lost in. however, you were one for dramatics and flair. you had to have a fancy penthouse and expensive trips to restaurants and clothing stores. this had alerted them, and just like that they found you. one was tempted to attack and finish the mission right then and there, but shuri wouldn’t allow it. she even got the girl suspended after finding out.

if anyone was to get you, it would be her.

“your suit repairs were quite costly. vibranium is not inexpensive.”

“and why are you telling me this?” you asked as your knife chops through the carrots you had been preparing. the call from your boss was coming through your speaker.

“i want you to know just how costly your mistake was. how could you let her damage your suit?” he said, his voice rising with every word, “this never happened before.”

ah, there it was. he was looking for an answer and knew the story you told was a lie. technically he should’ve been satisfied with the answer you gave. he didn’t need to know about something that had nothing to do with him.

you had to admit though that at first the story was hard to get straight. your head was spinning every time you attempted to remember the kiss. your face would flush and the core temperature of your body would increase by the second. shuri did things and made you feel things that you didn’t think were possible. she awakened some kind of emotion in you, an emotion you hated to deal with. perhaps it was desire, perhaps it was a different feeling of want, or perhaps it was love. nothing fully bloomed but the seeds could be planted if your situations were different.

“and it won’t happen again. to be honest, i don’t understand why i even need to go back. i was simply just a for hire. you have all the vibranium you should need for a simple suit. unless you’re doing something bigger with it. i’m not obligated to you by any contract or paperwork. find someone else to do it.” you dumped the carrots into the stew, making a large plop noise. you had been wanting to tell him this for a while. after the encounter with shuri it made you want to stay away from wakanda. after all, it was your birthplace. stealing from them just didn’t feel right anymore. it felt like you were a lowly criminal, which you were not. you had standards and morals that you incorporated with your highly trained spy skills. at first you thought these suits could do good for people, become a new way of life. however, it was obvious they weren’t using the vibranium for that anymore. shuri made you rethink everything.

“so what are you saying? don’t tell me you’re dropping out—“

suddenly the call cuts short. your head is raised from the cutoff and your attention is brought away from the stew.

“you want to stop doing spy work?” a familiar voice creeps through the air from around the concealed corner in your apartment.

“no,” you quickly correct her, “i just want to stop doing spy work for them.”

“what made you change your mind?” she asks, still hiding behind the corner. you place your hand on your hip as you wait for her to show herself.

“maybe if you come out i’ll tell you. i like having face to face conversations.”

shuri slowly walks around the corner, allowing you to see her in normal clothes once again. this was the first time she saw you in a natural state, you had realized. your eyes still can’t help but drift to the activator located on her. she trusted you, but not fully. you can’t say you were upset about it. she had good reason to be on eggshells around you. you felt like you had the same right.

“you look pretty.” she states. you can’t help but feel your body tingle.

your hair had been tied up in a sloppy style, perfect for home. the apron around your body hugged your waist tight and had tiny splotches on it. you had on makeup, but not a lot. your go to was mascara and lipgloss. the perfect combo.

“you also look good.” you bantered back to her, noticing how tight her pants were. she wore all black as you saw her hoodie matched the rest of the outfit. her glasses covered her eyes but you knew they were looking at you intensely. her curls were positioned on top of her head so perfectly. you wanted to see what was underneath the hoodie if you were being honest with yourself.

“you know i’m here for you.” she stated, stopping in front of the island.

“yeah i know.” you sigh out as you continue to stir the soup. it was almost perfect. “take a seat.”

shuri does just that. she sits at the island counter slowly, watching how she acts around you.

“sorry,” you say as you realize she has no bowl, “i wasn’t expecting guests.”

shuri says nothing and instead just watches you as you head over to the cabinet. she worries for a second that you’ll pull out some kind of weapon. her fingers linger over the activator, ready to use it at a moment’s notice. her nerves only calm when she sees you taking the bowl to her.

“you can relax, you know. i won’t put up a fight in my own home. i have way too many valuable things in here that i can’t afford to lose. perks of me stealing some of your vibranium i guess.” you say to her while pouring some of the soup into the bowl.

“if i’m being honest you did not even begin to dent our supply, but i’m sure you know that.”

you chuckle as you set the bowl down, “oh, yeah i know.”

shuri’s eyes glance down at the smoke coming off of the brown substance. it smelled quite familiar, and oddly enough like home.

“is this what i think it is?” shuri asks while lifting the spoon and twirling it around in the soup.

“it’s the one thing my mother taught me about wakanda. i try to make it whenever it gets cold here. i don’t know how you guys eat this in such intense heat.

shuri laughs at the remark. she can feel herself becoming more comfortable which scares her a bit. she does realize though that you’re becoming just as vulnerable. you do it to each other, create this atmosphere that allows you both to be more open. even if just for a split second or a tiny detail.

the spoon is lifted to her mouth and she sips on it. an explosion of familiar flavors occurs in her mouth. she can’t help but hum as she tastes it.

“i’m glad you like it.”

“yes, thank you.”

you make your way around your corner with soup of your own. the chair next to her is quickly pulled out and you make yourself comfortable.

“i know i will be imprisoned for my crimes. you guys have made it quite clear that i am a top priority. i saw members of the dora milaje tracking me down the other day. i’m not stupid.” you say while filling your spoon up with soup.

“they want to imprison and question you.”

“but you don’t?”

“not at all.”

shuri’s words caught you by surprise. you had to stop yourself from choking on the soup.

“then what will you do with me? send me somewhere? perhaps even have me working in the mines until i die?”

“you are a spy for hire, or at least, that’s what you made it sound like over that phone call.”

just how long was she standing there for?

“yeah, so?”

“i will hire you. i will save you from the fate wakanda wishes to impose on you. we can say they held information over you or didn’t let you know if the full equation. you now see you can choose the right side in all of this, and that’s exactly what you’ve done. you’ve chosen the right side. the fact that you are wakandan will help.” shuri turns her chair to look at you as she speaks.

this plan shuri was proposing seemed to have been lingering in her mind for quite some time now. it wasn’t too intricate, but she made it sound so much easier than it would really be. it appealed to you though. if it worked this meant you could avoid the charges. you could go back to doing the work you love, and the only kind you’ve ever known, but for the place you never truly considered to be your home. everything would change. you would surely become blacklisted. the people you worked for would be outed because of you, and they’d for sure seek revenge. somehow it was worth the risk. it was because of shuri. if this really worked then maybe you both could work. maybe even share a real kiss, no betrayal or hidden agenda. you could plant those seeds of love and grow it into something beautiful.

“i’m in.” you say to her, turning your chair so that you can face her. a smile creeps onto her face as she makes eye contact with you.

“you are prepared to leave all this behind and work for wakanda? the transition will not be easy and i’m sure they’ll need time to trust you. meaning field work will not be immediate. nakia is retired and we need a new spy with your expertise. you already have the vibranium suit so it is not like you aren’t equipped.”

“i’m ready.” you say, smiling back to her. you couldn’t help yourself after staring at her beautiful smile. it was contagious.

“why did you do readily agree?” shuri’s curiosity gets the best of her and she can’t help but ask.

“i would like to come home. explore the world my parents never let me grow up in. most of all, i’d like to explore it with you.”

the words made shuri’s face warm up. she had often dreamt about how beautiful you’d look in wakandan dresses as she explored the cities with you. it was a childish dream, but now it could really come true. she was once royalty and she is the black panther. the council ought to forgive your crimes or she may do something drastic.

“i would like that very much.” shuri responds.

the gap between you two is closing by the second. you weren’t sure when you leaned so far that your nose was touching hers, but you weren’t going to complain. she smelled sweet and her skin felt warm. her hand touched your face so delicately that you thought you were going to melt under her touch. her other hand was resting on your waist, pushing you in further. the room went silent and you finally closed the gap between the two of you. the waiting was far too much and you just couldn’t bear it.

the kiss was slower than the first one. it was slower, yes, but far more passionate. neither of you were expecting for the other to do something in betrayal. you could enjoy the kiss as you enjoyed each other’s presence. in all honesty, you knew nothing about shuri that was too personal. it was the same way for her about you. yet, you felt like you two knew enough about each other. the pining that was done so many miles away, both secretly and not secretly. the desire and shared dreams you both had about one another. it all led to this moment. you were enemies according to those around you. when perhaps, you were really meant to be lovers all along.

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙✧⋆｡°✩☼⋆｡°✩☽

#stvrdrops #fanfic #mcu shuri #princess shuri #shuri #shuri fanfiction #shuri x reader #shuri x you #shuri/reader #shuri fluff #shuri x y/n #shuri/you #wlw #sapphic

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psychicuniiverse · 2 years ago

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10 Different Ways to Grow

1. Try Something New

The world has so much to offer. Experiencing new events can help you exit your comfort zone and explore new ways to apply your strengths. With so many activities available, avoiding new experiences can easily hold you back from finding all the ways to enjoy an authentic life. Applying this strategy exposes you to new activities and hobbies as well as amazing people who can boost your confidence and assist you in times of need.

2. What Can I do to Make Tomorrow Better?

This is an incredibly important question, as it helps you identify areas of need. If you ask yourself how to improve for the next day, do not view yourself as inadequate. Part of having a growth mindset is realizing there is always room for improvement, but still remaining confident in your strengths. Once you determine how to improve, you can take actionable steps to reach your goal. Thinking in this way discourages bad habits and encourages far more productive habits.

3. Learn to Really Listen

Give a voice to others and help them bring out their inner strength. Even if you are uninterested in a conversation or disagree with someone, give them the respect they deserve and truly try to comprehend what they state instead of making assumptions. Listening can become more natural if you visualize what the other individual states, and confirm their feelings after they finish speaking. This activity improves your relationship-building skills and builds upon your empathy.

4. Read More

Reading a book exposes you to many new cultures, ideas, and ways to possibly improve yourself. It is arguably the best way to start intellectual growth. Both nonfiction and fiction help boost your memory power and can also give readers a profound sense of enjoyment. Fiction increases one’s empathy as it puts you into the shoes of a character. Nonfiction can help you reflect on past tragedies or mistakes made by others, thus increasing your awareness and giving you a powerful lesson you can easily remember. Make reading a habit instead of unproductive activity.

5. Laugh

It is often stated that laughter is the best medicine. This thinking certainly applies to growth. Instead of fretting about your inadequacies, laugh at your mistakes. Acknowledge what you did wrong, but do so in a lighthearted way. Disassociate negative feelings stemming from missteps to your self-worth, another key aspect of the growth mindset. This keeps your confidence high but allows you to be in tune with your strengths and weaknesses, which is highly beneficial to your development.

6. Give Back

Giving back to your community boost levels of dopamine, thus increasing positive feelings and happiness. Donating time or money, helping out an elderly person, or simply buying more ethical products are all forms of giving back. Doing so aligns your actions with your beliefs and develops a sense of meaning.

7. Set Meaningful Goals and Take Ownership of Your Future

If you create vague goals, formulating a strategy can be difficult and ineffective. Develop specific goals and create a list of ways to achieve them. Ensure your goals are SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. This means having deadlines, making goals achievable, and learning from any mistakes you make.

8. Get Grateful

Since we get used to the many wonderful aspects of our everyday lives, those items and people may be taken for granted. Create a habit out of listing all the individuals and items you are thankful for. Let others know if you appreciate them. Doing so makes them happy and builds a stronger bond between you.

9. Learn to Stand Up for Yourself

Letting your desire to be liked to overtake your priorities can lead to uncomfortable situations. You must learn to prioritize your wellbeing and happiness as opposed to always pleasing others, even if the latter is instinctual. Let others know when you feel unsatisfied or if they are too demanding; do not assume they understand your emotions. This turns a bad situation into an opportunity to express your thoughts and grow to reach a conclusion between both parties.

10. Forgive Others, and Yourself

You probably feel regret when recalling some events. Perhaps you may have even thought of what you would do differently if given the opportunity to change the past. While that is unfortunately impossible, you should find ways to correct the behavior which placed you in a bad situation. Additionally, recognize that you are only human and that a growth mindset does not demand perfection. Learn to keep your own humanity in mind when judging yourself or others. Of course, this is not an excuse to dismiss bad behaviors, but it is simply a reminder not to be overly harsh.

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All to often, tough circumstances are used as excuses for not investing in personal development. It seems or may seem impossible for someone to grow when going through a stressful event, whatever that may be. Luckily, anyone and everyone can take these steps to better themselves, no matter what their current situation is. I have faith you'll grow into the person you want to be, as long as you give it your all, at giving your all, all the time. Good luck!

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avatarvyakara · 2 years ago

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So I was talking with @nerdasaurus1200 about continuing Disney stories, and it reminded me that I had some world-building I tried to do for The Dragon Prince at one point. Relatively early stuff, round about Season 2, and most of it has been rendered almost definitely non-canon. But I do rather think I almost prefer certain elements. Might even see about recycling some of them for my own work, if I can.

Some key points:

The corruption from Dark Magic isn't from evil—it's from self-maintenance. When a Mage absorbs magic from another creature, it's not per se that they become twisted versions of themselves. Instead, as the soul of the animal passes through their body and its energy is released into a spell, elements of its consciousness—its mental attitude, the personality both of the individual and its species—become embedded in the Mage. The Mage is no longer human, not fully; if they use a full tiger, then the part of their mind that best maps to tigers is amplified, and the tiger's memories become their own. When Viren used up the Magma Titan, certain key traits (disregard for others, an explosive temper, etc.) became much more prominent—and certain memories (like being killed by Queen Sarai, among others) stuck in the mind as well.

Elves might not drink blood, but they are, technically, soulless. Or, more precisely—the Primal Sources are powers far older than humanity, but they manifest in the world both as spells and as creatures as well as their more ephemeral forms. They create copies of plants and animals, imbued with their abilities in some manner or another. The Dragons were born of this, animals with full sentience. And when humans arrived on the continent, the Elves were made—in the image, as it were, of Man. As a copy of the peculiar settlers, who might learn from and improve on their arts. And the Arcanum that sits in the heart of every Elf is a conduit for that power; it literally keeps them alive. An Elf might well live for centuries, even millennia, using Primal Magic as easily as breathing, while non-magical humans usually crumble after less than a hundred years…but when a human dies its soul remains, watching over the living and sometimes interacting with them. When an Elf dies, or when a Dragon dies, everything they were, all the memories and experiences, will fade back into the Primal Source through their Arcanum and be forgotten, become mere energy to use in spells or to power other living beings. When an Elf dies, they're gone. All gone. (Rayla is linked to the Moon. And now Callum has an Arcanum of his own.)

The Primal Stones are calcified magic, yes—and they are also labours of love. Humans have wielded Primal Magic, but through the destruction of smaller stones (Moon Opals, Sun Sapphires, Earth Emeralds, and the like)—sometimes in the service of creating new ones. Like breeds like. A Primal Stone takes years of practice and study to weave the spells for, and it must be done without touching Dark Magic for as long as that takes. A period of abstention, if you will, before joining with the holiest of holies. Viren did make that Stone, a long time ago…having come across a treasure trove of Sky Amber, and scaled Mount Kalek, and traced multiple glyphs in the air while reciting a hymn to the heavens. It came in handy. Not just for him.

The people of the Pentarchy do not follow the Primal Sources, but the Paragons of Virtue instead. Truth, Lady Justice, Dignity, Radiance, Honour, Restraint, Freedom, Love, Charity, Mercy, Courage, Care…and Wisdom. They do not promise to provide powers to their supplicants. But they will provide guidance, and protection in the afterlife, so that they will be at peace. More to the point, they are celebrations of human traits; they are not bound to some mystical idea of nature, but gladly demonstrate to all humans what they may be. Still, sometimes they appear in dreams, bearing their ceremonial objects. Lady Justice, for example, may appear different depending on which Kingdom you hail from, or even your personal preferences, but she will always bear her Sword, her Scales, and her Blindfold. Wisdom is the only one of the Paragons who has no set portfolio; the symbol of Wisdom is a mirror, and the Mages' Caravans that travel from kingdom to kingdom are never without them, because Wisdom is the key to the Seventh Path…what those who benefit from it disparagingly call Dark Magic. And Wisdom appears as yourself, and yourself alone, from the future you have the choice to follow. (It was Wisdom, tall and proud and broken, who appeared to Callum when he did Dark Magic for the first time. It was Freedom, chained and blind and crowned with feathers, that he chose instead. Opeli, who commands the Chapel that oversees the Virtuous in Katolis, is a follower of Justice as well, like Harrow was. Viren prefers to speak to Wisdom in the mirror. Aanya is the epitome of Dignity.)

There is, in fact, more, but that's it for now.

Thoughts?

#dragon prince #worldbuilding #primal sources #rayla #callum #lord viren #tdp opeli #aanya #magic #like I say #purely hypothetical #and largely disproven #but frankly there's stuff here that would be foolish *not* to use in my own stuff #so there's that

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ray-ray-writings · 4 years ago

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Birthday Bullies-SBI AU Imagine

This is Brother!Technoblade, Brother!Wilbur, Brother!Tommyinnit, and Father!Philza x gn!reader in the SBI inc AU in which you are the youngest of the three. That being said, you and Tommy are in the same grade due to you skipping a grade because you’re so smart and that gets you into trouble because people don’t like people that are different ya know?

TW: Bullying, like physically, mentally, and emotionally. As well as cursing

Masterlist here

Y/N is being bullied at school. They’re able to keep the secret from her father and brothers for a while. But every cat gets out of the bag eventually.

Y/N’s POV

Being the youngest in your class is hard. It’s even harder when the age gap is bigger than the usual age gap. My father and my teacher’s realized that my “smarts” were way ahead of others in my grade and together we decided that I might be happier skipping two grades and going into high school at 13.

At first, I was ecstatic. I would get to take tougher classes but I would also get to be with my older brother Tommy as a freshman and our even older brothers who were seniors. But as time passed, more of the freshman class began to turn on me and began to hate me. Not only did I begin to feel excluded from my classmates, but my classmates began to pick on me.

It wasn’t too bad at first. Just whispers and snide comments to begin with. But some people got more bold and soon I could barely walk down the hallway without my shoulder being shoved and cruel words spat directly in my face. No matter how hard it got, I refused to tell my brothers. I didn’t want to be a bother to them. I was in high school now, I should be able to fight my own battles… Right? Besides, some of the kids had threatened to beat up Tommy if I even thought of telling my brother’s what was happening.

Luckily, I usually got home before everyone so I got to let out all of my feelings without having to worry about any of the boys seeing me break down. Techno has theater, Wilbur has music lessons, Tommy goes to Tubbo’s to hang out, and my father, Philza, works until 5. So I was home alone for 2 hours which gave me enough time to break down, cry it out, pull myself together, cover any bruises I may have gotten from the day, and pretend like nothing happened before anyone got home. It was a process I had down to a science. No one knew about my struggles, but that was all about to change.

It was my birthday. I woke up feeling pretty good. I could immediately smell the breakfast my father was making. I swung myself out of bed, grabbed the outfit I planned on wearing, and went to the bathroom. I quickly did what I needed to do in the bathroom before bouncing down the stairs.

As I suspected, my father was standing over the stove and all three of my brothers were sitting around the table chatting. At the sound of my footsteps, all heads snapped to me, grins placed on all their faces. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” All four cheered in unison. A matching grin painted my lips, “thank you!” I beamed. Philza quickly turned off the stove and rushed over to me and scooped me up in a big hug. “I can’t believe my baby is officially a teenager!” Dadza cooed in my ear. I giggled and hugged him back, “If it helps I can’t believe it either.” Philza gave my back a quick pat before releasing me and going back to the stove.

I sat down in my seat at the table next to Tommy and gave all my brothers smiles. “Here you go sweetheart” Dadza announced, placing a plate filled with my favorite breakfast foods down in front of me. “Thanks Dad!” I cheered, before picking up my fork and digging in. The boys took this as their cue to get up and get their own plates.

Soon everyone was sitting around the table, eating and enjoying each other’s company. “Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get the day off and the boys still have their after school activities that they can’t get out of and so you’re still going to be home for two hours by yourself before we can all get home to celebrate” Dadza explained in an apologetic tone. Although I was a little disappointed, I understood. “That’s okay. Like you said, we can just celebrate when everyone gets home. No worries,” I told him with a smile. Dadza returned my smile, “Thanks for being so understanding kiddo.” “No problem dad!”

We finished breakfast and then it was time to head to school. Wilbur drove us in the car that Dad had gotten him when he got his license. Techno also had a car and a license, but he hates driving and so he forces Wilbur to drive everyday. Once we got to the school, the four of us said our goodbyes to each other before heading our separate ways. I stopped by my locker and put my books away before heading to my first period.

Surprisingly, the day passed very easily. Sure there were still a few shoves and words thrown my way, but nothing too major which I was really happy about. It seemed like the universe was giving me a break because it’s my birthday today! I should have known it was too good to be true.

The last bell rang releasing us from the hell that we call school. I quickly made my way to my locker, grabbed everything I needed before walking toward the exit. I had almost made it out of the building when I heard the cruel voice of Chad, one of my main bullies, call my name from behind me. I silently prayed that if I just ignored him he would get bored and move on… It did not work.

“Hey!” The same aggressive voice called, this time a forceful hand finding my wrist and forcing me to turn around. “I’m talking to you bitch. When I’m speaking I expect you to listen” His hand tightened around my wrist causing me to whimper. I knew that the skin was going to bruise and it was going to hurt a lot. The sound of me in pain caused the smirk on Chad’s face “Aw. Does a little pressure hurt the baby?” Chad mocked, tightening his hand even more causing even more shooting pain to send through my wrist. “Please let me go” I begged, trying to tug my wrist from his iron grip, I made no progress. “No. I don’t think I will. You need to learn your lesson and learn to listen to your superiors when they’re speaking to you,” Chad spit, glaring at me with so much hatred in his eyes. I let out another small whimper, but didn’t say anything else.

Chad smirked at my demeanour, “Good… Now I’m feeling particularly generous today, so I’m going to let you go. But remember this the next time I call you, you better respond immediately.” Chad let go of my wrist and I was about to respond, but I suddenly felt a force on my shoulders, shoving me to the ground. My hands shot out behind me and I felt the skin on the palms of my hands break as they met the ground. Chad’s obnoxious laughter rang out loudly as he walked away, leaving me on the ground.

I had to take a few moments to compose myself. I couldn’t cry here. I couldn’t risk another person walking by and seeing me lying here crying. I had to be strong until I got home. I carefully pushed myself up, hissing at the feeling of the pressure on my scraped palms. Once I was up, I carefully inspected my palms and wrist. Small rivers of blood flowed from the open wounds. I slowly clenched my fists closed, trying to keep the blood in. My eyes caught the wrist that Chad had gripped, it was extremely red and small bouts of purple were already appearing in the shape of fingerprints. I took a deep breath before walking out of the school and toward home.

It’s days like today that I’m very grateful that I’m home for a few hours by myself. I didn’t have to explain anything to anyone and I could be my happy self by the time everyone gets home. It was hard to keep the tears at bay on my way home, but I managed.

A sigh of relief left my lips as my house appeared in my vision. I practically ran to the front door, carefully grabbing my key and unlocking the door, careful to not get any blood on the door or my key. I rushed into the house and slammed the door behind me. Once I was sure the door latched, I allowed myself to break down. The tears that I had forced to remain in my eyes finally flowed freely down my cheeks as sobs escaped my lips. I threw off my bookbag and allowed myself to sink into the door and slide down to the ground as the sobs wracked my body.

I was so absorbed in myself that I didn’t hear someone calling my name. I couldn’t hear them ask what was wrong. I didn’t even know they were there until arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders. I immediately jumped in surprise and my eyes snapped to whoever was grabbing me. Through my blurry vision, I could make out the outline of my father’s extremely concerned face staring at me. “What are you doing home?” I blubbered, immediately trying to dry my tears to try and hold on to some form of dignity. Dadza looked up causing me to follow his gaze. There I found all three of my brothers standing there as well, staring at me. Of course. Of course this just had to happen. “Do you remember this morning when I told you I couldn’t get the day off?” I let out a sniff and nodded at the question, of course because had he not, we wouldn’t be in this situation. “Well I lied to you to surprise you. I pulled the boys out of school early and they’ve been helping me set up your birthday surprise… But that doesn’t matter, what happened Y/N? What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t tell him. I can’t. They’ll hurt Tommy. I cleared my throat and shook my head, bringing a hand up to wipe my face. “Nothing… Nothing. I’m fine, forget about it.” I tried to brush the concern off. But Dadza’s gentle hand grabbed my hand and it was then I remembered the blood running from my hand and the finger shaped bruises forming. Dadza examined my hand, “Wilbur go get me the first aid kit please. Techno an ice pack. Tommy, please go finish setting up,” Dadza softly commands my three brothers before turning back to me with a raised eyebrow, “You’re fine?” he asked with a slightly mocking tone. I knew I had been caught.

The tears began welling in my eyes again. After a moment of silence I managed to give an answer, “No” I croaked out, “I’m not fine.” Tears began falling from my eyes once again. Dadza instantly pulled me into him once again and began rubbing my back again. “I’ve got you honey. I’ve got you.” He soothed as I sobbed in his shoulder. As I cried, I could feel someone take my hands and begin to take care of them. A small sting running through them before bandages carefully wrapped around them. A cool presence also settled on my throbbing wrist.

I don’t know how long I cried for. But I needed it. I broke down at least once every week, but crying to someone feels so much better. The tears finally stopped and the sobs turned into sniffs. “Feel better?” Dadza asked softly in my ear. I nodded, my face still in his shoulder. “You want to tell me about it now?” I pulled my face from his body and looked around the room. Techno and Wilbur still remained in the room, but Tommy was nowhere to be seen… Just how I want it.

And so I told him. I told him everything. I told him how hard high school had been for me and how everyone had been so mean to me. I told him what had happened today and what Chad had done. I explained why I was happy to be left home alone for a few hours everyday. How I broke down and patched myself up everyday. And at the end, I explained why I never told anyone. I told them how they had threatened Tommy and how the last thing I wanted was for anyone else to be hurt.

By the end of my ramblings, Techno and Wilbur were visibly fuming. Dadza was calm on the outside, but I could tell he was pissed too. It took a few moments before Philza spoke, “Tomorrow. I will be going down to the school and having a talk with the principal. There is no reason that this should ever happen to anyone, especially not you. When I met with them, they assured me that you would fit in fine and they would keep an eye on you… It’s obvious they didn’t keep that promise.” I couldn’t help the shiver that was sent down my spine at my father’s dark tone. I knew it wasn’t directed at me, but I had never heard this before and it kind of scared me.

“And we’ll be sure to take care of Chad tomorrow” Techno glowers, giving Wilbur a small nod. Philza’s head turned to his sons and he gave them a disapproving look. Wilbur holds his hands up in defense, “We promise we won’t do anything that gets us suspended or expelled… We just want to teach him a lesson.” Dadza hesitated but then gave them a small nod. A small cheer escaped Wilbur’s lips as he and Techno fistbumps. “And I’ll help too!” Wilbur and Techno whip around and part revealing Tommy standing there, his face red and his fist pounding in his hand. “Tommy, Wilbur, Techno… Please you really don’t have to-” “No we do have to. They messed with you, they mess with all of us…. Now let’s forget this for now and go celebrate your birthday”

And so you did. Dadza helped you stand up and walked you into a decorated kitchen. Party decorations of your favorite color and theme littered the walls and the table announcing “Happy Birthday” to you. Your favorite foods sat on the kitchen table with your favorite drink sitting in front of your favorite spot. Had you not just cried your eyes out, you would have cried happy tears. “Guys!” You squeal, rushing forward, looking at everything, “You didn’t have to do all this. Thank you!” The four of them chuckled at your reaction. You quickly sat in your own seat, waiting for everyone to sit down, before digging in. The rest of the night was spent just celebrating you. You got a lot of gifts from your family and ate a lot of ice cream and cake and just all around had a good time.

*Time skip to the next day*

The next morning was the first morning in a while that I didn’t absolutely dread going to school. I rode to school with dadza. Wilbur and the boys following behind us in his own car. When we got there, Dadza went straight to the office and the four of us siblings stuck together instead of immediately branching off from each other. I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I heard my father’s voice boom asking where the principal was.

The four of us continued down the hallway until we passed Chad. “Hey bitch!” Chad called from his spot leaning up against the lockers. I was a little surprised at his boldness, usually when I was with my brothers, nobody bothered me, but I guess he didn’t care today. I didn’t even get a chance to respond because in the blink of an eye, Techno had him pinned up against the lockers. “What did you just say to them?”

Instantly, Chad’s demeanour changed, “Hey man, get off of me!” He exclaimed, trying to get out from under Techno, but my pink haired brother’s grip was too strong. “No, no, no… You’re going to tell me what it is you just said to them” Techno repeated, his tone extremely dark. Wilbur slowly walked up behind him and smirked at the trapped bully, “Yeah. I mean you seemed so brave just moments ago. Almost as brave as you were yesterday, come on big man. Where’s that bravery now?” Chad’s gaze shifted from my brother’s to me, “You fucking snitch! I told you not to tell, now you’re going to pay!” Chad once again tried to get out of Techno’s grip, but he was immediately slammed back against the lockers. Techno let out a small tisk, “That was the wrong answer Chad. You should know by now I don’t like repeating myself.” Techno growled, lifting Chad from the locker and slamming him back against it.

Chad let out a small gasp of pain as the loud crash sounded, “You can’t do this! You two are both 18, I’ll sue. I’ll press charges.” Chad gasped, panic slowly filling his voice. That seemed to break through to Techno. Techno let out a huff of air through his nose. “If I ever catch you messing with Y/N again, I will end you” Techno grumbles out before letting go of Chad and taking a few steps back.

Chad takes a moment to collect himself before the stupid smirk returns to his face. “That’s right. You’re not so big and bad are you?” He taunted my oldest brother. I watch as Wilbur has to literally grab Techno and restrain him from completely pouncing on the bully. Chad only smirks at the chaos he’s created.

To my surprise, Tommy steps in front of him. “You better watch your mouth,” Tommy spoke to the bully. “Oh yeah? And what are you going to do about it?” Chad asked with a huge smirk on his face. Tommy didn’t answer, he just stood there staring at Chad. I could tell Chad was getting nervous under Tommy’s stare. Finally he’d had enough of the silence, “You’re such a freak just like your sibling,” Chad announced, reaching forward and shoving Tommy as hard as he could. Tommy stumbled back, but it seemed as though that was what he was waiting for. “Oh, you’re going to regret that” Tommy announces with a smirk, popping his knuckles. Chad let out a scoff as he rolled his eyes, “Sure kid. It’s not like you’re going-” Chad didn’t get to finish because Tommy’s fist connected with Chad’s face. Tommy had reared back and punched Chad in the face as hard as he could.

A gasp sounded throughout the hallway and it was then I noticed that there were a bunch of people that had gathered to watch what was happening. Chad went down like a sack of potatoes, just crumpling to the ground. For a moment, everyone was frozen. No one could believe what had just happened. Finally Tommy moved and looked around at the group that was staring at him. “That’s right!” Tommy announced loudly. His eyes met mine and he smiled before walking over and wrapping his arm around me “This is my sibling. If I ever catch you or hear of any of you bullying Y/N, it’ll be you next.” Wilbur and Techno were quick to join the two of us, “Yeah! What he said!” Wilbur cheered, backing up his younger brother.

The office door flung open and my father and the principal walked out. All eyes snapped to the two adults that had just entered the scene. Principal M glanced around the hall, his eyes landed on an unconscious Chad, “What happened?” He asked, moving over to the knocked out boy. “It was self defense your honor,” Tommy claimed boldly, “He pushed me and tried to punch me but I punched him before he could… It was self defense.” Mr. M looked around everyone, “Is this true?” Every single head bobbed in unison at the question. No one was going to snitch. I could tell that Mr. M was a little skeptical but when his eyes met my fathers, he quickly nodded. “Right well… I’ll get him down to the nurses office… Everyone get to class”

With that, everyone broke from their trance and raced off to their classroom. The four of us however made our way over to our father. “What really happened?” Dadza asked, an amused eyebrow raised as he looked the four of us up and down. Techno looked over his shoulder and shrugged, “We can explain later… It’s actually a funny story” Techno claimed with a small chuckle. Dadza couldn’t help but chuckle as well, “Well I can’t wait to hear it… I’ve got to go to work now but I’ll see you at home,” Dadza announced throwing his arms open. With no shame we all piled into his arms and had a big group hug. Dadza let us go and we began to head off to our classes.

“Oh wait! Dad!” I called, stopping my father from leaving, “What did you say to the principal?” I asked, really curious. A small smirk appeared on my father’s face, “I’ll tell you when you’re older… Just know that you’re never going to be bullied in this school again… And if you are, let’s just say there are some jobs at stake… I’ll see you later kiddo. Love you!” “Love you too!” And then he was gone. I walked to my first class, the teacher not even questioning why I was late.

After that day, I was never bothered by bullies again. Everyone either was very nice to me, or they avoided me completely. Tommy and I spent a lot more time together. The boys had grown even more protective of me ever since they found out. I didn’t mind though, they’re my boys and I love them. Sometimes you need someone to stand up for you, to protect you, and to take care of you. And I couldn’t have asked for better boys to be that for me.

There you go. I hope you enjoyed! If so be sure to leave a like or maybe even a reblog or reply telling me your favorite part/what you liked!

Find out what Philza said to the principal here lol

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darlingbudsofrae · 3 years ago

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Neil Josten Appreciation Post

Foxes Appreciation Series : 1 || 2 || 3 || 4 || 5 || 6 || 7 || 8 || 9 || 10 ||

Alright, let’s just start this by addressing the big elephant in the room: everyone loves Neil Josten. EVERYONE.

If you don’t, you’re lying.

Okay, first up- I’m glad this is getting addressed more on AFTG tumblr but Neil is literally so much smarter than the fandom gives him credit for.

Like yes, he’s a little dumdum on the social aspect of things (you could argue he kind of has a low EQ but also not really, I would argue that later)

but that doesn’t dismiss that he is smart af and that he can kill you and make it look natural if he wants.

For example, he literally outrun and hid from the mafia for years. Like, that in itself is an obvious point but we often forget that he did this at a very young age.

Like, he was presumably what? 16?? (when Mary kicked the bucket?) And kid was already playing hide and seek pretty well with a freaking mafia.

He does not get enough credit for this.

The survival skills it takes- the mental strength to survive as a runaway and technically he’s also homeless- at freaking 16, that’s just insane.

Also, let’s not mention the fact that it takes skills to forge official papers and all that.

We also do not talk enough about Neil and how he freaking have to relearn an entirely new position just to play exy.

I don’t think most remember that he’s actually a backliner, but have to play as a striker because it was the only available position in that local high school he attended in Millport, and that was how Kevin saw him so he was recruited as a striker.

We also additionally do not talk enough about how Kevin “literal and figurative Son of Exy” Day found potential for court in Neil “I’m a backliner but I’m playing striker because it’s the only thing available and I’m an exy junkie” Josten who only played it for like a year or less.

Like yeah, Kevin said he needs more training but it’s not even Neil’s official position.

The talent on this man- I cannot, he is such an icon.

Aside from his great survival skills and being literally great at picking things up- he’s also like freaking academically smart.

Like that also doesn’t get enough credit- I mean, he does math for fun.

Frankly, I think if you did Kumon or if you had an awesome teacher you could also do math for fun (I know I did) but this should be noted with the fact that he didn’t have proper schooling.

He went on a run at a really young age so there is no way he received formal education.

Which means he is naturally like really smart.

He’s also a polyglot. And the languages he has under his belt are all freaking difficult to learn- like, no kidding: French, German, and he can assumingly speak intermediate Spanish, and we don’t even have an idea if this is all the languages he can speak.

Also, he and Andrew learns how to speak Russian, right? Like, that’s crazy.

The brain on this man and the power that he has- my son, I am so proud.

I mean, for all we know- there’s more than that and the fact that he’s like 18 at TFC screams supremacy.

This is where I argue about his EQ but Neil is crazy perceptive.

It took him like freaking 3 seconds to figure out the team dynamics the foxes have, and how to work against it.

He later figured out how to make it all mesh together.

Like the way he do things isn’t conventional but reading him analyze his team despite his lack of empathy really makes me shudder.

Like, this kid is so freaking smart. I remember reading his thought process for the very first time and being like, okay- I definitely did not think about that.

The main problem with his EQ though is that he doesn’t know how to process positive stuff when he’s involved, but when he’s the outsider- his perspective is so amazing.

Like again, he kind of lacks empathy but the way he understands things and is just so sharp is just noteworthy.

I’d argue he doesn’t understand social cues and “modern teen things” but he isn’t so completely clueless on the social aspect in general as to not manipulate an entire team of misfits with issues to work together.

He’s literally the key to unity in AFTG. Even Dan says so.

Also, the way he puts things into play- like he’s a master manipulator, and I love that for him.

We do not talk enough about manipulative Neil, like I just really love manipulative characters in general so much- especially if they’re just owning it.

I mean, he freaking manipulated Andrew and Aaron into therapy. Kind of evil but also wow. (just a sidenote, please don’t force people into therapy lol)

Going completely dark for a second, Neil also has a freaking high pain tolerance.

The amount of horrible things he went through in the books were just so sad and the fact that he just kind of moves on from it? That’s just completely oh my gods.

My poor summer child, even if you can kill me at any given time, let me just hug you for a second with consent.

Everyone also gives shit about Neil’s fashion choices and granted it is said he kind of bags the homeless looks but the fact that he values utility above all else-

Yes, we stan a resourceful king.

Lowkey though, am I the only one who appreciate Neil’s average style?

Speaking of style- I love the way Neil narrates. Like, the way he doesn’t give much attention to how the character looks- it’s just so realistic?

Because if I’m talking to a person in real life, there is no way I am noting how his blue polo makes him kind of casual but clean-cut and how his brown eyes is as warm as my morning coffee. Like, who even does that?

The thing with Neil’s narration is that it’s just so authentic- like it easily engages the readers and the way he gives importance to every thing the same way, it really makes it easier for the reader to discern things objectively, y’know what I mean?

He just has that quality in a main character and narrator- he’s laidback and sarcastic but not trying too hard, and he’s just really easy to love.

Like, I normally don’t like narrators/main characters in books because I favor a side character more or just because they’re annoying, but Neil Josten is legit lovable.

At the same time, he’s also a really well-written character. Like, for all the technicalities I point out in AFTG, Neil is an asshole. He’s not perfect and I don’t 100% love everything that he does and I love that.

He’s a flawed character but he gives you something to root for- and I just really want to appreciate his characterization for a second. Most books make their characters’ flaws not even their fault to put a check to the flawed character but at the same time still have that perfect character. Eeww, no- give me real flaws to work with.

He’s one of the realest protagonists I ever read.

Like people give him shit for wanting to hide but also choosing to play a nationwide-discerned sport on an infamous collegiate team but for me it’s kind of realistic.

Because I think we, as human beings, also do things we love too much regardless of logic. I don’t know, like it’s kind of funny the way Neil is written but I honestly didn’t see him joining Palmetto as a loophole.

Like, just think of all those successful people who hid their identities via pseudonym or other necessary means to do things they weren’t expected to do or weren’t allowed to do.

For me, his character was really just looking for excuses to play his favorite sport a second longer and if anything, that’s just kind of sad.

But also, his dedication and love to exy is really admirable- like I never understood it but the way he literally does everything to stay on the court for a second longer just makes me want to root for him.

On a random note, Neil may not have an eidetic memory like Andrew’s but the way he memorize most phone numbers by heart?

Bruh, I don’t even have my phone number memorized and I freaking have it for two years now.

He also memorizes every twists and turns at every trip, every exits at a room he enters, and most people’s tics upon the first meeting, and other things and that’s just crazy perceptive but also really crazy on another level.

Also, we don’t get much ace/demi representation and out of the few I’ve consumed, demi Neil Josten validates me. He’s legit my favorite character that belongs in the ace spec in books.

I just really love Neil’s character so much- he’s just so amazing.

One thing I always appreciate about Neil Josten is that while he’s not a total angel (sadly), the way he loves the foxes- like he legit tried to mend the team and make sure everyone is going to be okay before walking straight to his death- like I’m with Andrew on this one, what a fucking martyr. Why are you like this and why am I crying?

Neil Josten is by all means not soft, that much is established, but the way he’s just still as precious and must be protected at all costs-

"You know, I get it," Neil said. "Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time."

I love him, your honor- where can I file this adoption papers and do I have anything else to sign?

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