#the judge from hell is actually peak comedy

[sikyecng]

i'm laughing at the cliff scene. han daon found comfort in kang bitna's words: "you didn't kill anyone or else you would have been in hell" but that's because she did try to send him there and failed LMAOOOO.

[st-just]

With regard to soulmates.

I came across an amazing premise, just spectacular drama bait, though only in the abstract.

The MC is informed that they have 100 soulmates.

If a soulmate confesses their love, and it's not reciprocated, fate will ensure they die shortly afterwards.

If you take that premise on its face value, then there is no end to the problems that spring from it.

The central concept is stretched beyond its breaking point.

A 100 car pileup that requires rebuilding the road.

Of course the actual story is a comedy that handwaves all the interesting parts away.

But man, someone doing that premise justice would be peak.

You know how in certain Christian theologies, pagans are judged by their works on earth until and unless they have been offered the chance to convert, in which case they automatically go to hell for sure? And how people always go 'well then why the fuck would you tell them?'

This seems like that except for hitting on people. No confession of love, no problem!

[friendlynbhddevil]

I am an Army! I’ve been a fan almost since their debut😍 hbu? Are you into other groups or is it mostly BTS? Also, what are your top favorite shows?😅🫣

WOOAAAHHH You're like a veteran ARMY and that's so cool!! You got to see them grow over the years as individuals and artists. So on that note, what do you think of the progress from the stickers censoring any display of skin to the insanity we have now?💀(I'm sorry for being unserious) oh and who's your bias and bias wrecker?

I became a fan in 2020. I'm into ATEEZ too, they are pretty awesomeee. Since I like to explore in terms of music, I know the Rose, Seventeen, Stray Kids(they were actually my first ever kpop group), Enhypen and NCT, RIIZE and CIX.

But it's mostly BTS for me :D In this Bangtan shit for lifeee🙂‍↕️💜💜

My top favorite shows, in no particular order:-

●Beyond Evil (a show I will always keep coming back to, always. It feels like home )

●Killer and Healer (the last episode did not happen. That's it.)

● The Devil Judge (I kind of wanted Gaon to elope with Yohan T_T)

● Lucifer (my beloved, I have so many memories and feelings; season 6 was sort of unnecessary)

● Evil (we NEED season 4)

● The Exorcist (WHY DO MY FAVORITE SHOWS GET CANCELLED WHYYY)

● Prodigal Son (same as above)

● Legends of Tomorrow (even though I haven't watched all the seasons, I am (very) attached to the characters)

● Hannibal (this show is serious to the point that it reaches the territory of hilarity. Very aesthetic and visually stunning)

● Strangers from Hell (fun show, keeps you guessing)

● Supernatural (again, I haven't been able to watch all seasons, but I am attached to the characters and I would fight for them)

● Guardian (I absolutely ADORE thiss)

● Psychopath Diary (severely underrated, this is a gem! It's not overly dark, is funny and sticks to the point)

● Good Manager (OOOO THIS IS PEAK COMEDY and so so heartwarming)

What are your top favorite showss👀👀 and I'm sorry if this got too long😭 I tend to get carried away.

[madebypointlesswords]

just for funsies: books im currently reading

I cannot, for the life of me, read just one book at the time. I've tried multiple times and I just can't. It's most likely my untreated ADHD but oh welllll, have fun with my silly little books and go right ahead and judge my taste in the tags <3

The Iliad, Homer

Honestly such a fun book. I'm reading it very slowly though, because I want to savour each sentence. It's a thrifted version that someone else annotated and I got it for like, 7 euros? The annotations are very cute and fun to read while reading the actual book and it made me consider doing the same (annotating a book and then donating it to thrift so some random stranger can delight in my silly thoughts). Achilles is a bit of a dick but I like him that way. Diomedes is my absolute favourite (together with Patroclus).

This is the edition I have

1984, George Orwell

This book was an impulse buy from my favourite bookstore. I'm enjoying it thorougly, and I mainly bought it because I was going to see a play inspired by it that week and planned to read it first. I got through 50 pages. Orwell's style is a delight though, I have no notes. I'm currently like, one quarter into the book.

My edition (I'm looking for Animal Farm in the same style. I know it exists I just keep finding other ones and it irks me.)

Good Omens, Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman

Tumblr (and my best friend @mairrion) convinced me this year to watch Good Omens right when season 2 came out. I curse you all for the brainrot you have given me. Literally why did you have to do this to me. I bought the book very recently (this monday) and I'm 1/5 into the book. The writing is honestly so fun and I've laughed several times out loud on the bus while reading. Definitely recommend this to new (or old) fans of the series.

I got the edition with Crowley on the cover (they didn't have Aziraphales version but I still would have gotten Crowley's anyway). Mine's a tad different: the letters are golden, Terry is mentioned before Neil is, and Crowley's wine isn't red. Oh and there's a sticker advertising the series.

Little Thieves, Margaret Owen

Oh my god this book is fun. Delicious characterisation. Wonderful dialogue. Stunning worldbuilding. Honestly I am so angry at myself for not being able to read this cover to cover. Why am I LIKE this. The cover is also so extremely pretty what the fuck.

Just look at this

Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky

This book is a banger. It annoys me that I can't read it in one sitting. Because I genuinely LOVE it but I just fucking can't. I love it when Dostoevsky takes a break from the plot to remind us as readers that Raskolnikov is, in fact, very much a pretty boy. Peak comedy right there.

I got the Wordsworth classics edition because it was only 4 euros at my favourite bookstore again (i apologise this is the best picture I have)

The Ruthless Lady's Guide to Wizardry, C.M. Waggoner

I got this book today from one of my best friends and I've read only one chapter but holy hell I am hooked. This is amazing. This is fun. This is exactly what I want. Chaotic, sapphic and unhinged slightly evil women are my drug of choice and this is a heroin shot. Live laugh love Dellaria Wells.

also look at the pretty cover mmmm

The Darkening Age (The Christian Destruction of the Classical World), Catherine Nixey

My first non fiction book I think. Nixey's writing is exquisite and I am loving this book with all my heart. It's educative, interesting and just overall, a wonderful experience to read. I do encourage everyone to take it with a grain of salt, but the author has many, many cited works, so I'm not saying that you have to be overly critical of every sentence, just that the author is (just like any other human being) a bit biased.

btw the cover is pretty too :) but I just can't find a picture of it.

[lionheartedscout]

ℬ - What are your top three favourite movies, and why?  

POSITIVE MUNDAY MEME @strykingshot

//listen listen I watched so many movies growing up and also had to watch movies for my major (screenwriting) BUT these are the ones I typically watch often as my comfort films, in no particular order

Labyrinth

While cheesy, it's a classic in my eyes. I would listen to the soundtrack on repeat, especially "When the World Falls Down," and honestly, who doesn't want David Bowie to whisk them away lmao.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

I have to watch this at least three times every holiday season. I grew up watching this with my family and it ever fails to make me laugh because it is PEAK late 80s/early 90s comedy. 10/10 highly recommend

Deadpool

I remember being so excited for the first Deadpool movie that I went and saw it by myself in theaters and I had so much fun. I know that nowadays there are so many superhero movies and shows that it tends to get overwhelming, but I always go back to Deadpool 1 and 2 because you can tell that they put a lot of time, love, and effort into making it even when it was put through pre-production hell. I'm actually super stoked for the third movie and I really hope it's just as great as the first two.

Bonus because I can: The Shape of Water

Please do not judge me, but this was another one I saw in theaters and I instantly fell in love with it. Guillermo del Toro movies are a different breed and I love his work, this one being no exception. Everything from the music and costumes to the lighting and themes is immaculate. I feel like every time I watch it I notice something new that I hadn't before and it goes to show how much attention to detail they put in this movie. And Doug Jones returning as not-Abe-Sapien is *chef's kiss* PEAK.

[izzyspussy]

Happy STS! What books or other media have shaped the way you think about writing the most? What did they teach you?

Okay, not gonna list books/media, but authors/directors instead. Louis Sachar, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, David Fincher, Guillermo del Toro, Jordan Peele.

Sachar in particular is absolutely the pinnacle, in my opinion, of weaving together an intricate and unweavable narrative. Every time I read or watch HOLES it sends me into fits of divine inspiration NOT joking. It also is like- You know when you see a work of art that is So Good in a very particular type of way that feels unreachable? Sachar's work is the opposite of that. It's the GOAT, but in a way that makes it clear that mastery like this can be achieved with practice and diligence to the work.

Fincher I also like for intricate storytelling, as well as his skill with building suspense (something I am currently struggling with in Curse The Messenger).

I love and aspire to Gaiman's mastery of build-up pay-off, especially how he can build an entire book (or 30 minute cold open) into a single, succinct line that simultaneously means half a dozen things and also one precise thing, all shining a spotlight on the themes of the piece and also sometimes being a pun. I 100% do this, I go into every work looking to do it, and I do it because of him. Entirely.

Pratchett and Adams I admire and try to emulate for their particular flavor of satire, as well as their zany metaphors. I don't really write comedy - I don't think I'm built for it - but I think sardonics and absurdism can both have an effective place in any genre. I really like to utilize comedic tools in tragedy, I think it's incredibly effective and also makes the material more readable, and those in particular happen to be my favorite and in my opinion are the most versatile without being trite or quickly dated.

I love the way del Toro's genre fiction is also - kind of inescapably - High Art TM. He takes the campiest and/or grittiest possible concepts or subjects and depicts them with Elegance. I'm also always a slut for a story that is dark not from the absence of light, but from the smallness of it. Metaphorically speaking. He's just really great at tragedy that isn't a bummer. Peak.

Peele. How does he do it. Everything he makes is at once impeccably subtle and completely blatant. Everything he makes is at once terrifying and hilarious. (I think much horror-comedy either swings wildly back and forth between the two, or else is not actually scary at all.) His storytelling is also really tight like Sachar and Fincher, but imo has a more natural and realistic feeling to it. I also just really vibe with his concepts. I didn't really get Us (judging from its reception, that's absolutely a me problem), but Get Out and NOPE both have a message/allegory that I really believe in or identify with or however you'd describe that kaskfls. I hope one day my work will communicate its ideas just as well.

Honorable mentions to AJ White, Chuck Tingle, Joy Demorra, RoAnna Sylver, Harley LaRoux, Alice Scott, Magen Cubed, Rebecca Sugar, Joseph Fink, and the McElroy brothers for showing me I really can make whatever the hell I fucking want to and no matter what it is it can still be Good TM and I can still Make It TM - as well as that Making It TM can mean whatever kind/level of success is right for me.

Wonderful question, Marigold! Thank you!

[adelior]

Name: Unconditionally

Author: R. Adelio

Genre: Romance, Minecraft, Comedy, Fluff

Main Lead: Technoblade, Dreamwastaken

Female Lead: Reader

Chapter: 1

Special Addition: Tchnomaid

Letters: 10,718

<- ->

"I'm bored" You mumbled into your palm as you kept your gaze on the papers that were set up in front of you. "It's your fault for trespassing their area, [Name]. You should know by now how strict Dream is with the boundaries of the countries." Wilbur interpreted, his brows furrowing by the second. "They could have killed you."

"I'm sorry, I was just curious" Hearing you apologize, he softened up and groaned. Wil patted your shoulder with a somewhat forced smile before leaving the room. "Make sure to finish brewing the potions by the end of the day. For now," He looked back, nodding his head. "I'll see you around, [Name]."

"You too, Wil" Sighing, you turned to look at the blonde-haired boy who stood awkwardly in the corner. "Well uh, that went well at least!" Slamming your first, you startled Tommy as he shrieked. "I got in trouble in YOUR PLACE-"

"Yeahhhh, about that, I'm sorry!" Tommy shook you by the shoulders, a grin spreading across his face. "I'll make it up to you okay? I'll set you up on a date with Wilbur if it makes you feel any better" Your cheeks darkened, giving the kid a pathetic slap as you covered the bottom half of your face.

"It's really nothing like that. I don't.. like him.." The last part of your sentence was muttered, and as usual, the boy who knew of your feelings let out a hollering laugh. "I knew it! Who would have fucking thought that you'd fall for Wil! Out of all people!"

"LOOK-" You turned to face him, your face getting hotter and hotter the more you thought about it. "I have my reasons okay! He's a good guy, and on top of that, he's an amazing friend"

"An amazing friend you say? He's also one hell of a fucking leader that's for sure. But enough about your crush let's go out and play with Tubbo!" Dismissing him with a single wave, you gave your best sympathetic smile. "Sorry Tommy, but I have to finish brewing these potions by the end of the day. I can't afford to be disciplined by Wil again"

"Hm, whatever, fine" The boy shrugged, leaving you alone. "THIS ISN'T THE END WOMAN! You will join me and Tubbo on our conquest sooner or later!" You chuckled, smiling at his childish behavior. "Yeah, yeah, now go on and have fun"

You can hear him shout out loud, laughing as he tackled what you perceive to be Tubbo. "I never wanna leave" The sentence that slipped out of your mouth caught you off guard. Despite being an outsider to their nation, they treated you with respect and saw you as a member of their group.

Sitting back down, you continued to flip through the pages of the book. Studying the recipes and applying the specific ingredients to each bottle. "Oh shit, I ran out of spider eyes" Cursing, you stood up to walk towards the door, looking out into the hallway. "Niki!" You shouted from your office, capturing the woman's attention. "Yes, [Name]?"

"Do you know if we have any spider eyes left in the chest room? Or have we completely run out of it" She pondered for a second, answering once she finished checking her inventory. "I don't think we have any more spider eyes. I'm also not carrying any with me sadly"

"Oh, that's alright. I can just outside and kill some spiders myself" Pushing yourself forward to one of your chests, you opened it and took some resources. A bow, 10 arrows, and full iron armor apart from your golden shoes. "[Name], you don't need to go out and kill some on your own. It's dangerous at night"

"Exactly, which is why I plan to go to the Piglin market to trade some gold for a few stacks of spider eyes" Niki shook her head in denial, refusing to let you pass by. "That's even more dangerous! We're humans, we can't go inside there unless we have the King's permission. And usually, we'd have knightly escorts to go around with us"

"True, but I can slip in and slip out without being noticed" You shrugged on your hood, a robe that covered your full body apart from your face. "I can hide with this, besides if they aren't able to tell that I'm human they'll never be able to report it to the king"

"Al..right.." The short-haired girl had a troubled expression on her face, but nevertheless, let you pass. "Good luck! Please come home safely" You turned to give her a single nod, a reassuring smile that was enough to calm her down. "I promise, so don't worry about me okay?"

And so you left, walking to the basement of your home where the Nether Portal stood tall. You gulped at the mere sight of it, how mysterious yet alluring. The purple particles only making it look majestic. "beautiful.." You muttered as you slowly entered, the change of temperature really hit you hard. It was hot, humid compared to how it felt in the overworld. "Goddamn how do piglins live like this"

"Shocking, right?" A male voice erupted from the silence, causing you to stiffen. "I'm assuming you're not used to traveling to the Nether." You slowly turned around, only to be met with a man with dirty blonde hair. "Pardon?" You tilted your head, staring at his smiling mask. "Nothing, would you like me to escort you and keep you safe?"

"And what makes you think I'd trust a stranger" You questioned, earning a chuckle from the man. "You're not as dumb as you look. But don't worry you're not my type, I won't do anything."

"WH-" His hand went over your mouth in a flash, he moves fast for a person with netherite armor, and on top of that a black robe. "Keep your voice down, first rule when entering the Nether World is to never bring unnecessary attention to yourself."

"Got it" Your voice was muffled from his large hand, he stepped back before leading the way, making sure that you were tailing right behind him. "The second rule, make sure to always be with somebody. Never travel alone or you'll die in an instant without somebody keeping you safe."

"Safe? Is the Nether really dangerous for you to say that?" Observing his reaction, you realized how sharp his jawline was. You can't peak through the mask but his mouth was fully exposed. "Yes, I take it you've never looked into this dimension?"

"Well, to be fair I've only heard of the Nether. This is my first time actually setting foot into the portal" The man's mouth pulled back into a dumbfounded snarl, almost as if he was silently judging you for your actions. "Weird." Was all he said before nudging you forward. "We're here, keep your guard up. What are you here for exactly?"

"I'm here to trade gold for a few stacks of spider eyes" He sighed, pulling your hood closer to your face. "You do realize you could have killed a few spiders in the overworld without having to come here."

"Uh, not really the best in combat you see" You admitted, darting your attention to the passing piglings who stood at least 5 feet taller than the man leading the way. Their species were large and brute compared to humans, they were cool but dangerous to interact with. "What the hell were you thinking when you decided to come here without somebody to guide you."

"I honestly have no clue" You stared at the man with a blank face, earning a disappointed grunt from him. "Well, turn around Princess because we just arrived at the Mob looting store. Stay out here, I'll get the eyes for you."

"Wait a second- I feel bad you're the one who led me here and protected me-" The man that accompanied you patted your head with one of the most genuine smiles you've ever seen. Despite him being awfully mysterious, he has shown nothing but kindness all throughout your journey. "Don't worry about it. Just stay here and don't run off anywhere. It's even more dangerous inside because piglins tend to fight over items."

Fidgeting with your hands, you finally agreed. The blonde took that as an agreement and stepped into the store. You were left to stay outside, leaning against the wall that was nearest to the door. A few seconds passed, and yet you were still outside waiting. You were beginning to think that the man who you walked with abandoned you.

"Ex..c.." A piglin with long pink hair muttered, his hand reaching for you. "Excu.." You stepped aside, worried that the mob was here to harm you. The more you stared at him the more you realized he was one of them, but one that looked more human. "Is there something you need?" You questioned the man, earning a nod. "What is it?"

"Do you.. Do-" Before he was able to finish his sentence, your eyes widened in realization. You swung your right hand to open your inventory, taking out a gold bar to hand over to him. 'I heard piglins liked gold, maybe he'll leave me alone if I gave him one' Was what you thought as you urged the hybrid to take it.

He looked at you back and forth, debating whether or not he should accept it. "Take it, it's alright I have plenty of where that came from" The man in front of you hesitantly took the gold into his hands, his eyes widening when he realized how shiny and well kept the item was.

"You..-"

"Hey." The man who accompanied you shouted once he exited the shop, pulling out his netherite sword. "Back off."

"Hey wait! He didn't do anything wrong, leave him be" You pushed the blonde male back slightly, apologizing to the other person with a forced smile. "Let's just head back before we get caught!" Turning around, you tangled your fingers with his and ran away, waving the piglin goodbye.

"What are you doing." He asked, narrowing his eyes from under the mask. "You said to keep attention away from us so I am-"

"I wasn't even that loud." You turned to glare at him. "It got a lot of people's attention" The man laughed, swooping you into his arms, and began to speed up his pace. "You're a good listener." He complimented, a smile fighting to break through his irritated expression.

It took time for the two of you to finally reach the same Nether portal from before. The blonde slowly lowered you onto your feet, handing the bag of spider eyes into your chest. "Here, it's heavy so make sure to hold it with both hands."

"Thank you.." You muttered, gladly taking the bag with a smile. "Say, um.. I never caught your name?" Before the man was able to walk away, he turned to look at you one last time before telling you his name. "Clay, the name's clay."

"Clay?"

"I'll see you around." With that, he pushed you into the portal. You fell onto your back once you were transported over to the overworld, lying there with staggering breaths. "I never got to tell him my name though" But once you sat up, the Nether Portal's liquid-like wall disappeared. The particles were being sucked into the middle, and the doorway to hell was disappearing.

"What the..-"

"[NAME!]" You hear your name being called out by what sounds to be Wilbur. Turning to look over your shoulder, you see the whole group running towards you with a worrying expression. "You're back!"

<- ->

ec: @quacobs (instagram)

[sofreddie]

Friday Feature: October 22, 2021

Welcome to the Friday Feature, where every Friday I feature a different Fanfic Writer’s blog. This week’s Feature Blog is:

Link to Masterlist

About the Author:

Hi y’all! The name is Wayne and writing is the game! I’m 28 and have been writing on-and-off for half my life. After a tumultuous struggle with depression (spoiler alert: I won!), I’ve found my happiness in writing fanfiction and sharing it with you guys. I’m a Dean girl with a weird brain and mostly write for the Supernatural fandom. Unless another weird crossover pops into my head…

Come into my dms and obsess with me over everything we both love. I love making new friends! I won’t bite, but I will most likely heavily attach to you. You’ve received your fair warning.

Author’s Fave Personal Fics:

Don’t Blame Me Saga

Summary: As an FBI profiler and special agent, you’re at the peak of your career. There are only two serial killers you’ve never been able to catch: the Winchesters. For twelve years, you’ve been hot on their heels, thinking they had murdered your partner, but what happens when you actually find the brothers?

Why the author likes this fic:

I love true crime & psychology and always wondered: what would it be like if a shrink moved into the bunker with the boys? It’s my own little TV show that’s supposed to give everyone a happy ending (eventually). What’s more romantic than breaking the law for love, right?

The New Place Series

Summary: Finally, Jack has finished rebuilding Heaven, Hell, and the whole universe. With a new judging system in place, Sam and Dean land in something called the Good Place. And they are not the only ones there – their soulmates for eternity are here too. But is this place really that great or goes something wrong like it always does?

Why the author likes this fic:

Partially based on the comedy show The Good Place and on the idea: what if Sam and Dean’s heaven was like this? It’s super cracky, I get to torture screw with the boys and write a bad girl reader!

We Ain’t Ever Gonna Part

Summary: Dean leaves for the war but will he find his way back to her?

Why the author likes this fic:

A one shot taking place in the 60s with Soldier!Dean and based on the Led Zeppelin song Good Times, Bad Times. I loved writing this one! Love the 60s and love Soldier!Dean. Yum!

Author’s Fic Recommendations:

Crimson & Clover by @wonder-cole

Summary: When Y/N’s boss drops dead, she becomes the main suspect in his murder. Can she and Detective Charlie Bradbury prove her innocence to Detective Dean Winchester before he finds something to charge her with? Or will the searching become about more than just a killer?

Why the author likes this fic:

It’s the Booth & Bones of tumblr! Do I need to say more? Detective!Dean and Detective!Charlie are the dream team everyone needs. The hot love story with the reader is just the awesome cherry on top!

What He Lost, What He Found by @flamencodiva

Summary: Dean thought that he had found it, the light that could illuminate his path forward in life. Unspeakable events led to losing that very light that he had cherished. After 16 years, will he truly be able to find what he had lost?

Why the author likes this fic:

It’s the rollercoaster ride of your life! It made me scream from the top of my lungs almost every single chapter. Now everyone go and yell at Vanessa!

You Deserve The World by @avanatural

Summary: Dean Winchester has gone up against monsters, humans, and even the Devil himself. But there is one enemy that he can’t defeat – time. As he notices that his age is starting to take a toll on his body, Dean wonders if his girlfriend will stay by his side.

Why the author likes this fic:

This was so sweet and comforting! With an age gap relationship myself, it hit home and was truly perfection. Even guys get insecure, people, including Dean Winchester!

It Started With A Kiss by @thinkinghardhardlythinking

Summary: You and Jensen have been best friends since you met when you were 13. You have also been in love with him since then but he’s so popular there’s no hope for real romance, right?

Why the author likes this fic:

As someone who fell in love with her best friend and pined just as much, this story always makes me cry. Is it nostalgia? Probably. But I love it and it was one of the first fics I read on tumblr too! Pure fate!

Love On The 26th Floor by @deangirl93

Summary: Y/N has been working as a personal assistant to the successful CEO of Smith Construction Co, for just a few weeks. It may not be her field of expertise, but she needs this job to pay off her student loans and live her life as she tackles a part-time Masters degree at the same time. She finds her boss Dean Smith incredibly intimidating and insanely attractive; but an office fling is the last thing she needs, especially with her employer.

Why the author likes this fic:

I. Am. Obsessed! One of the best AUs and I’m so in love with it! Secret affair, age gap, and the hottest smut on Chuck’s green earth… I’ve not regretted a single minute of it.

Thank you for checking out this week’s Friday Feature. Be sure to check out their blog, follow, send asks, go crazy! Check out all the fics linked and be sure to REBLOG and COMMENT!

Authors love to know what you think about their work - not just praise, but constructive criticism as well.

Constructive criticism is a helpful way of giving feedback that provides specific, actionable suggestions. Rather than providing general advice, constructive criticism gives specific recommendations on how to make positive improvements. Constructive criticism is clear, to the point, and easy to put into action.

Shout out to @talesmaniac89 for the beautiful dividers, she created and offered up for us for free! Check out her other resources here.

Would you like your blog to be showcased in a Friday Feature?

Maybe you have a fic you’ve written that you’d like to be included in the weekly Fic Recommendations?

Something you’ve read and loved?

Tag me! Send an ask! Drop a DM!

And as always, Happy Fanfic-ing!

Want even MORE? Check out the Friday Feature Masterlist!

Forevers:

@sis-tafics

@lyarr24

@calaofnoldor

@hobby27

@spnbaby-67

@fangirlxwritesx67

@jarpad24

@flamencodiva

@donnaintx

@wonder-cole

@waynes-multiverse

FRIDAY FEATURE:

@deanwanddamons

@itmighthavebeenintentional

@there-must-be-a-lock

[justreadingfics]

It’s a Deal  (Prologue)

Series Summary: You’re out of a relationship of 10 years and you’re just in desperate need to get laid, no strings attached, no romance, no complications. You dear friend Natasha feels like she’s going to regret this later, but she might have the perfect guy to fulfill your needs.  

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 3.1k

Warnings (for the entire series): +18 only, smut, casual sex, Bucky is a whore, boytoy!Bucky and proud, acquaintances to fuck buddies to maybe lovers, fluff, eventual angst, mention to past relationship, break-up.

A/N: I was going to write something for Looking for a Heartbeat universe, but this idea came up and I was so excited. This is me trying my hand at romantic comedy. It’ll be very smutty but there’ll be angst eventually because it’s me. This version of Bucky is different from everything I’ve written before, but I think this is one of the beauties of this character. He’s so nuanced and layered, there’s always a new version of him to be explored. I hope you guys like it and stick with me. I’m planning 10 chapters, but the number may change.  The link to the my masterlist is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated. @lesqui​ you’re a Rockstar.

When Natasha bursts into his apartment - like she’s done many many times before- holding up a big cup of coffee, the first thing that hits her is the smell lingering in the air, making her whole face scrunch up. The whole apartment stinks of  a fucking orgy and she doesn’t even get to act surprised or outraged. This is what it’s been like. Ever since Bucky started to get better, changing from the brooding shadow that had first arrived to regaining his self-confidence, he’s been spending it and his whole package of super soldier stamina like that. A new night a new girl. Or two… she realizes when she spots the pair of different underwear over his couch as she makes her way to his bedroom.  Three? She shoots an eyebrow high at the sight of a third one hanging around the doorknob.

She would die before touching the damn thing and, because she’s also always up for a little show, she decides to use one of her signature moves to make herself into his bedroom. A powerful  kick to the door is enough to have the effect she wanted : three different tones of high-pitched screams and a low groan fills the room.  

Natasha doesn’t need to say anything. Just her steady, impassive demeanor while still in her Black Widow uniform from the last mission is enough to make the trio of naked bodies move. They  shoot themselves out of the bed and scramble to pick up pieces of clothes from the floor.

“Ugh, sorry, sweethearts.” Bucky’s voice is groggy with sleep and muffled by the pillow, “Thanks for last night, though, it was amazing.” He raises his thumb up but remains lying on his stomach, his very naked behind exposed,  completely unphased by Natasha’s presence.

The girls rush past her without even daring to  glance at the Avenger. Well, except for the owner of the underwear on the doorknob, who gives her much more than a glance in the shape of a shameless once over and a lustful wink before grabbing the piece of lacey and fleeing, putting it on along with her dress on her way.

With an exaggerated yawn, Bucky catches Natasha’s attention again and she steps into his room as he rolls over and sits on the mattress. At least he has the decency to pull a sheet to cover his front before he stretches his arm to the air letting out a second yawn, “What is it this time?” This is  definitely not the first time a scenario like that has taken place, to Natasha’s exasperation.

“Crowded around here, huh?” Walking over to him with a judging brow up, she hands him the coffee, which he promptly accepts, “Do you even know their names?”

“Sofia, Olivia, and Amanda,” he answers simply before taking a sip from the coffee,  “The one checking you out was Amanda, she’s nice, I think you’d like her, and you’ve seen them before here, just not the three of them together.” He smirks, raising a feigned innocent gaze from his cup to her.

Natasha chooses to ignore the answer in favor of letting a huff out, “We - and by we I mean Fury - missed you at the debriefing.” She glances around, trying to find a place she could sit without accidently making contact with any kind of… fluids. Spotting the armchair nearby, she shoots a questioning look at Bucky.

He presses his lips in a guilty fine line and shrugs, “I think you’re safe standing up.”

“You’re gross, you know that right?” She grimaces, crossing her arms in front of her. “How the hell did this happen, anyway? We got here around one  am from the mission.”

He shakes his head dismissively, “You know I have my ways and I needed to shake the stress off. Too much energy to spend.” 

“I can see that,” She laughs, “I mean…Three?

“You were there. It was a hard mission.” The corner of Bucky’s eyes crinkle as he grins back at her.

“That it was,” she agrees, letting some air out in a puff, “And that’s why I’m here now. You weren’t picking your goddamn phone and Fury wants to debrief with you before he signs the reports.”

“Ugh,” Bucky rolls his eyes, blowing some steam out of his cup of coffee, “that guy... what a huge pain in the ass, right?”

Natasha catches the playful tone and shakes her head, holding back the smile, “You won’t make me bad talk him, you know that.”

She can’t keep the smile suppressed any longer when he lets his head fall back and laughs. Carefree and contagious. It took him a while to get there, but now? Laughters, giggles, and jokes are a part of who Bucky Barnes is. For that, she’s thankful.  

“Alright, just give me a minute,” he concedes, bringing his coffee back to his lips.

Watching him, her face turns a bit more serious. “How long will you keep this up, huh?” she asks, bringing her hands to her hips.  

With the back of his hand, he wipes a bit of coffee that slips from the corner of his mouth “What?” His forehead crinkles as his attention is focused on cleaning himself.

“This lifestyle of yours…” Natasha waves a hand around the room and over himself, “Don’t you ever want to… I don’t know… settle down for one woman or something like that?”

The confused expression that shifts Bucky’s face as he looks back at her is almost comical. “Why in the world would I do that?” He puts the cup of coffee on the nightstand, before standing up, wrapping the sheet around his waist. “This is so much fun, no strings attached… just good old exchange of fluids, enjoying one another’s bodies… and the next morning we’re off with our lives.” Ignoring the disapproval look on Natasha, he grins down at her, before passing by her to walk towards his closet.

“I know this might be a good deal for you, but what about the women you bring down here, is this fair with them?” Natasha insists.

“Ok, now listen,” Bucky turns back to her, pulling an underwear from the drawer, “All the girls I hook up with want the exact same thing I want, “ He leans down to put on the underwear under the sheet covering his lower half, before letting the white fabric pull down on the floor. “They’re here for the sex just as much as I am.” He turns back to the closet, fumbling with his clothes.

“Aren’t you going to take a shower?”

“Fury needs me asap.” He deadpans, before continuing while putting on his jeans, “Not once I took advantage of anyone, I guarantee you that. I´m not fooling them, they’re not fooling me. It’s a fair deal. Perfect to be honest, pleasant, I mean very pleasant to both sides…” He smirks before raising his gaze filled with mischief from where he’s  buckling his belt to her, “You damn well know how good it- I can be…”

Her eyes roll at his smirk and she crosses her arms in front of her again. “That ship has sailed, Barnes.” It was just one time months ago and she knows she will never hear the end of it.

“Just saying…” Bucky shrugs, tying his hair back into a low bun, keeping the half smile on his lips, “Whenever you need to shake the stress off again, you can always count on me.” He winks.

“Yeah, right, go take a fucking shower and then we can talk.” Natasha grabs a pillow from his bed and throws at him. “Ok, I get it, I’m not an expert here and probably not the right person to be telling you this, but don’t you feel like you’re missing things? Or maybe that you’re hiding from something?” she suggests, walking past his bed to come closer to him.

“Nat, I swear… I’m not hiding from anything, there’s no hidden feelings or fears or anything like that… It’s just sex.” He states, sounding a bit more thoughtful with his friend’s worries , putting on a white t-shirt as she’s now just a few steps away from him. “People usually make a big deal about it, but that’s it. Sex is just sex. It’s fun and a fucking amazing experience to share with someone. And that’s it. Me and the women I spend time with are very sure about that. No worry.”  As he finishes dressing himself up, he places both hands on Natasha’s shoulders.

She aims a deadly glare at where he touches her, “I honestly can’t decide if you’re a pig or a genius, but right now take your  unwashed hands off of me.”

Bucky laughs, squeezing and shaking her shoulders halfheartedly, “I took a shower before I went to sleep, calm your damn titties.” He removes his hands anyway before placing a kiss on top of her head, gaining a hiss in exchange, “And a genius, of course.”

“All right,” Natasha says after glancing at her watch, “Nine. I still need a shower myself and at least a nap before Y/N drops by for lunch. You go see Fury now.” She commands, tapping his shoulder and already moving past him to the door.

“Oh, Y/n? From the tech department?” The peak of interest on his voice behind her doesn’t go unnoticed by Natasha, “It’s been a while since I last saw her, how’s she? Still with that boyfriend of hers? What’s his name again?”

“Eddie. And no, they’ve broken up actually,” she answers, already opening the door to leave his apartment, “But don’t even think about it,” She warns, already sensing the smirk on his lips without even looking back at him, “She would never take one of your deals.” Natasha shuts the door before he could say anything else.

~~~

“Fuckbucket! Bumhole, son of motherfucker arseclowns! Goddamit nutsack!” The line of curses being spat out of your mouth is followed by you grabbing the bottle of tabasco and dropping almost half of its content over the plate of linguine in front of you.

Natasha says nothing, chewing her own pasta slowly as she stares you down, wondering how that combination of words could be the one to come up to your head when you wanted to swear. The small bistro is crowded and a few heads turn in your direction following your little – and kinda cute, if she’s going to be honest- outburst.

“Sorry…” Glancing around you seem to notice the brief but unwanted attention as your voice shrinks and your shoulders drop. “I asked for it fucking spicy, though,” you add in a mumble, only stressing the new curse, bringing a fork of linguine inside your mouth. You sigh, seeming finally pleased with the level of spice in it.

“Ok…” Nat drags the word as her eyes drop at the glass of wine in front of you. The second one already, “Bad day, I assume?”

A guttural and frustrated groan slips out of you as you swallow your food and take a long sip from the wine, “I’m just… ugh, everything sucks these days.” You place back the glass on the table a little more forcefully than it should be expected, your eyes following the move of your hand.

“Something at work?” Nat asks, “Do I need to talk to Tony?” She tilts her head, a hint of exasperation on her words.

“No, no. Of course not.” You wave a dismissive hand, “That lunatic is the best boss I could ever have asked for.” A quick but honest smile forms in your lips. 

“Alright…” Natasha accepts, “Eddie, then?” She tries again.

“No… sort of. I don’t know.” You sigh, now playing with the food in your plate as your jaw tightens.

“Talk…” Natasha orders, putting down her fork beside her plate and brushing her hands together, swallowing the food in her mouth. “Have you been seeing him at work? It’s been a while since I last saw him in the Tower.” She leans her head on her joined hands as she rests her elbows over the table, giving you her full attention.

“He’s been promoted to a leadership position at SHIELD’s tech department, that’s why you haven’t seen him.” You respond, still playing with your food, “I haven’t seen him either, not ever since we broke up, but I guess splitting up is doing wonders for him.” You bite your cheek.

“How long has it been already, three months?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

“You miss him.” Natasha affirms rather than asks, a sweet comprehensive tone on her words as she crosses her forearms over the table, leaning forward. You two haven’t had the time to properly talk about your breakup, given Nat’s mission schedules and your own job, which can be a pain in the ass when it comes to work-hours.

“Of course, I do,” you say, looking up to the ceiling and shaking your head before moving your gaze to her again, “It’s like… I never saw it coming. Almost ten years of relationship… when he said he needed to talk I thought he was going to propose.” You scoff, covering your face with both hands in pure disbelief in yourself, “But instead he said he wanted a new path for his life. What the hell does that mean?” You raise your voice along with your arms to each side of you.  

“I hate to say this, dear.” Natasha grabs her glass of water and takes a sip before resuming, “But you know I’m not one to sugarcoat the truth and it probably means he’s fucking someone else…sorry.” She shrugs, knowing she could be sounding a little harsh, but she’s aware sometimes harshness is the right medicine.  

“Well, at least someone is getting fucked,” you mutter under your breath, while rolling the pasta in your fork to shove it your mouth.

The slipped comment sets off Natasha curiosity instantly and she just eyes you for a second before urging, “Well, elaborate.”

“Ugh… Jesus.” You grunt before taking in a deep breath, “You know, I do miss him in my life, but God… what has been killing me right now is,” you lean forward, getting closer to Nat as she mimics you, “I’m so fucking horny.”  You whisper as Natasha’s eyes grow round at your admission. You had never said anything like that to her before, you two are close friends but you’re always so reserved about your private life, “It’s been almost a year.”

“A year?” She whispers loudly, but lowers her voice as you quickly shush her, mortified someone would hear you two, “But…”

“Yeah, I know the break up was three months ago, but it doesn’t mean I was getting any before that,” you admit, frustration seeping into your voice.  

“Oh, honey…” Natasha tilts her head, trying to convey empathy towards you rather than judgement.

“I know, right?” You smile sadly, leaning backwards in your chair, “How was I even surprised when things went south? I don’t even know what happened, to be honest. We just… stopped.” You shrug a shoulder, grabbing your fork to play with it absentmindedly, staring down at it, “And I was ok with it. At least I think I was,” You look back at Nat, who’s just listening to you attentively, “I guess I thought at least I had everything else. I don’t know...” You shake your head in a sign of disapproval of yourself, “But after we broke up?” Once again you lean over to whisper, “That’s all I think about. Almost everyone I see ends up in a fantasy of mine. Things I never even dreamed about wanting… I eat a fucking strawberry and suddenly I’m turned on.”  Your desperation is visible in your big, round eyes and audible in your rapid speech.

“Why don’t you go out, meet someone, then?” Natasha tries to hold back her laugh out of respect for you.  

“Ugh,” you wave her off, glancing to the side with a grimace, “Too much work. Besides, I don’t think I’m ready for anything else.” You shake your head, “I just want to fuck.” You add in a grunt, shaking your legs in a very bratty way.

“Oh, wow,” Nat leans back to her seat, “I never saw this coming.”

“Can I tell you something?” You say, after studying Nat. When she nods and leans closer to you again, you continue, keeping your voice low, “Eddie was the only one I ever been with.”

Natasha chokes on nothing and quickly grabs her cup of water, gulping in down to the last drop, “How the hell did this happen?” she yelps.

“Well, back in highschool I wasn’t really ready, and then in college I met Eddie.” You shrug, curling your lips down, “We’ve been together ever since. But after he broke up with me, that was one of the first things on my mind, the thought repeating itself like a parrot in my head. That I had never been with another man.”

“Hell, sis,” Nat exhales, “I’m starting to understand your situation now.”

“Ugh, Nat, seriously, I just need someone to fuck me senseless.” You tighten your teeth and make a grabbing gesture with your hands, “Just some primal, animalistic sex, I need someone, anyone who can take me properly. No strings attached…Nothing else, I’m tired of everything else.” You shut your eyes, shaking your head, before looking around you. Satisfied no one is staring or listening, you once again bends closer to Nat across the table, “Even thought about hiring a goddamn escort, but I just bought the condo with Eddie, and, until we figure this out, I’m broke as fuck.”  

Nat’s jaw drops. She’s speechless, utterly speechless. As you look back at her, a bit of shame but also expectancy gleaming in your eyes, a thought pops into Natasha’s mind. The universe must be playing with her, and that’s what she finally says to you. “Holy shit, the universe must be putting on a fucking joke on me.”

“Why?” You squint at her, “What do you mean?”

Natasha doesn’t answer right away. She ponders the thought for a moment. It might not be a bad idea, actually. Shaking some steam off, having a different and lighter experience with someone else, a little bit of fun… that might be exactly what you’re needing, and who could be more perfect for that? At least he’s someone Natasha trusts. She sure hopes so. “Are you serious about all of that? You’re really just looking for sex and nothing else?” Natasha checks.  

“Dead serious.” It’s your straight up answer.  

“Ok,” She decides, nodding once, “I may regret this sooner than I think but I might have the perfect guy for you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

[laurajournal]

tagged 😍💜

Thank you dear @a-students-lifebuoy for tagging me 😊😊❤

MUSIC

Favourite genre?

Pop 

Favourite song?

This is a very, very difficult question.. At least top 3 lol:

1. Taylor Swift- My tears ricochet  

2. BTS- The truth untold

3. Troye Sivan- Heaven

Most listened song recently?

Permission to dance 😎

Song currently stuck in your head?

Stay by Justin Bieber 

5 fave lyrics?

1.  Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm setting off, but not without my muse No, not without you -TS, Lakes (as you can see lol I am a huge Swiftie)

2.  I wanna be a good man just for you I gave the world just for you I changed everything just for you But I dunno me, who are you? -BTS, Fake love but I wrote english lyrics

3.   I'm on my way Driving at 90 down those country lanes Singing to Tiny Dancer And I miss the way you make me feel, and it's real When we watched the sunset over the castle on the hill - Ed Sheeran, Castle on the hill

4.  I don't wanna be sad forever I don't wanna be sad no more I don't wanna wake up and wonder What the hell am I doing this for? I don't wanna be medicated I don't wanna go through that war I don't wanna be sad, I don't wanna be sad I don't wanna be sad anymore - Lauv, Sad forever

5.  Rain came pouring down When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe -TS, Clean 

Pick

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

Favourite book series?

Shadowhunters by Cassandra Clare

Comfort book?

Fangirl, Rainbow Rowell 

Favourite book

Poems actually, Sun and her flowers by Rupi Kaur

Perfect book to read on a rainy day?

I don’t quite know, honestly for me any kind of poetry books, but also fiction such as All the bright places, it is such a great book with a deep meaning and messae at the end

Favourite character?

Alec Lightwood

5 favourite quotes from your favourite book(s) that you know by heart?

oh god, I used to have a lot but now I just can’t really remember, here is at least my fav poem by Rupi:

This morning 

I told the flowers

what I’d do for you

and they blossomed.

( I am a hopeless romantic ;) )

Pick!

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

Favourite tv/movie genre?

Action ,fantasy, comedy 

Comfort movie

10 things I hate about you

Movie you watch every year?

The one which is my comfort lol

Favourite movie?

Under the Tuscan sun, it reminds me of my trip to Italy so much

Favourite tv show?

Supernatural, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Shadowhunters, Merlin, Why women kill, Shameless, Sex and the city, The Vampire Diaries 

Comfort tv show?

Sex and the city lol, a total classic oh oh and Jane The Virgin 

Most rewatched tv show?

Supernatural

5 fave characters?

Dean Winchester - Supernatural

The Doctor -Doctor who

Ian Gallagher - Shameless 

Stefan Salvatore - TVD 

Jane Villanueva -Jane the Virigin 

Pick!

tv shows or movie | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online.

I tag: @xvistudies @badwolfstudies @writerjuliannaf and  @goodteastudies

and everyone who would love to do this 💖💖💖

[dorizardthewizard]

So I watched the Eurovision movie

Uh, I have a lot of thoughts because this is the closest we’re gonna get to the real thing this year ;^; First, the positives!

What they got right:

Overall, I like that it wasn’t really taking the piss out of the competition – whether you agree or not with how it was portrayed, the creators do have a lot of love for the show and that is reflected in how much it means to the characters. I think it was fitting to start with the kids watching and being inspired by ABBA’s win (I’m always up for showing people where the group’s fame started), and making it their life goal to perform in the contest. Just like Lars and Sigrit, many musicians in Europe grow up with Eurovision being an annual tradition and it’s their big dream to one day perform on that international stage, so yeah I think it decently showed how important ESC is here.

They got the overall vibe right too – most of the songs really felt like Eurovision songs (maybe a little dated but still), from the Viking-Europop opener to the Lordi-aesthetic one to whatever the hell Russia was doing. I don’t think Greece’s song was something they’d ever send though; it fits the character but not what the country typically sends. Then again, Estonia have sent an opera song in Italian and Romania sent yodel rap so actually, I take back that statement. They were missing a Balkan ballad though! Staging was on point – I think it was filmed at the Tel Aviv stage so that’s obviously a factor, but big angel wings and hamster wheels also bring a lot of familiarity :P No pianos being set on fire though, which, in a movie with so many on-stage disasters, is honestly surprising.

Of course there’s also the past contestant cameos, for that I’ll say one thing – needs more Verka. Maybe some contestants from earlier years would have been nice too, at least we did hear Céline Dion’s song in the song-along. Would also have been nice if the whole mashup was Eurovision songs, instead of throwing in some other ones just to make it more recognizable for non-Eurofans. Otherwise, the mashup was really seamless and sounded good.

Another thing the movie got right was European’s attitudes to Americans, not sure how I feel about it since the movie was made by Americans, but it’s self-aware and pretty funny :P There’s also the funny gag about countries not wanting to host because of how expensive it is, not sure why a guy working for the national broadcaster would care about that but looking at Iceland’s population size, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also an economist for the government or something.

What they got wrong:

Of course, there were some things they didn’t quite get right. First of all, did the UK win for it to be hosted in Scotland??? Unless Australia won, or some other country that didn’t want to host or something. They actually made a joke about UK getting zero points, but they said it’s because no one likes us, when in reality we just send the blandest songs :/

There were also a whole lot of technical inaccuracies like Sweden breaking the rule on number of people allowed on stage, big five countries taking part in the semi-final (come on, how can you not get that right? Maybe they were afraid Americans wouldn’t recognise half the flags? :P), the contestants were just sitting by themselves in some room like it’s The Voice or something, their delegations nowhere to be seen, and then there’s the total lack of security or planning around the competition, with Lars just running around doing whatever. The countries presenting their votes in the semi-final stood out as well, but since we didn’t get to see the final I can brush over it, just so we experience the voting somewhere in the movie. Wonder why they didn’t use past contestants for the points announcements? They also had the French one speaking in English but you know what, they remembered to make sure he was standing in front of the Eiffel Tower so I’ll let them off :P

One thing that did bother me was how hard the movie tried to make us think the Icelandic song was a failure, except the song wasn’t even bad so they had to resort to all the incidents on stage. They even had that complete silence after the hamster wheel incident, and there is NO WAY that would ever happen – even the null points songs get cheers! In fact, people would cheer harder, and I don’t think Graham Norton, or anyone for that matter, would be that surprised that people remembered the song and actually gave it points (oh yeah, great to see him in this!).

Okay, some of those inaccuracies were nitpicks, but they’re just fun to point out. I don’t think they quite nailed the portrayal though, but more on that later.

The movie itself:

Judging the rest of the film, the humour really didn’t do it for me- it was just kind of jarring that one half of the movie felt like your usual light-hearted music contest film that was fairly rooted in reality, then the next there’s a dismembered ghost of Demi Lovato and a guy getting stabbed by Elves??? I know it’s classic Will Ferrel random comedy but honestly, those parts could have been cut out of the movie just fine, it’s like half an hour too long anyway and you can tell by the way the humour drags. It can basically be summarised by the ending scene where Lars is yelling at the Americans and then just keeps going, and I know that’s the joke in that scene but they do this throughout the whole movie – something will happen and the characters will keep reacting back and forth and it’s honestly exhausting. That might just be me though, maybe I’d prefer more witty and self-aware humour in a Eurovision movie but I guess non-fans wouldn’t get half the jokes so they went for over-the-top ridiculousness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As for the characters, Sigrit was great; she’s a good mix between cute and weird. Lars is… annoying tbh, maybe I just don’t care for Will Ferrel's character type but when Alexander asks Lars what he can possibly offer Sigrit I was like “yeah Lars, what CAN you offer?”. Their relationship was cute though and his arc about caring too much about winning was decent, it does kind of resonate with Eurovision because yeah, lots of countries will revamp their songs to have English lyrics and the style is increasingly converging to Americanized radio-friendly pop music. I do wish they’d focused more on this conflict, rather than bringing in a love square (?) with Alexander and Mita.

Speaking of Alexander, I actually liked how they portrayed the Russian character; he wasn’t a villain, he was fun to watch and was genuinely happy to see Sigrit succeed. I did not expect them to go there with the whole “there are no gays in Russia” thing – I laughed but also actually felt for the guy, and his friendship with Mita was peak mlm/wlw solidarity, it was sweet.

The ending:

For me, this is where it goes American Hollywood style and kinda reminds me of Madonna’s speech about everyone being winners. Felt like I was watching Camp Rock for a second then (which is funny since Demi is in this movie) – all the other acts are fun songs but we’ll just change ours to a ballad so it must be more heartfelt and resonate with the audience, as if a good chunk of ESC songs aren’t ballads already!! To be fair, they do well in having it be a personal song about her hometown and adding in parts in Icelandic (although I’ve heard it’s so butchered you can’t understand what’s being said), it’s a sweet ode to one of the best parts of Eurovision – celebrating where you’re from and making your country proud.

Wish they’d focused more on that tbh, we really could have done without Lars speaking to the audience – that’s the more Hollywood moment for me and kind of reminds me of acts that try to connect with the audience like it’s a concert. Sorry but we don’t do that here :P Instead of the “music is feeling”-like message, it would have been nice if the movie was more directed towards celebrating why the contest is so big and important even decades after it began, and how it literally brings an entire continent together for one night. This would have been nice especially because of all the cynicism towards ESC and its dismissal as just a dumb, campy event with no quality music whatsoever.

Huh, I just remembered there are no live instruments at Eurovision so how everyone can hear the piano at the end is beyond me, also the instrumental kicks in despite the fact that that song has never been recorded in a studio, let alone able to be played out loud onstage. But I’ll just imagine that’s for us to see, the audience actually just heard her singing and nothing else. I don’t think it would have been that impressive, so Iceland probably won everyone’s hearts through memes instead :’D

Overall, I don’t think the movie was terribly offensive or anything, just some silly fun that missed out on the potential of better portraying the Eurovision spirit. I might eventually watch it again, but with skipping out half the comedy :P

[slothcritic]

Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 8 Review

Consistent yet lackluster, this is a good episode that doesn’t really stand out.

The title sequence for Nappa's Best Day Ever should've started after Cadaverrific! which I think is a wonderful bit of black humor. But the following scene just felt like another "ha ha bulma is a loose woman" joke. This scene might've been funnier with better voice acting. I wouldn't say the scene did nothing for me, but it did very little.

Also “Mr Kent” - Is that a Superman reference or am I taking crazy pills?

[Title Sequence]

With Yamcha gone, the mantle of series buttmonkey falls to Krillin. He has his big damn hero moment, when he Limit Breaks the stuffing out of three Saibamen, but it's frankly disregarded in favor of Piccolo using a god damned mouth-laser to annihilate the last one.

With no more Saibamen left to toy with, it falls upon the two Saiyans to get their hands dirty. Or rather, for Nappa to get his hands dirty while Vegeta sits back and watches. Nappa is no less full of whipshot non-sequiturs in this episode than he was in the previous. After some banter about teaching the Z Fighters a lesson, he gives new meaning to the word "punchline" and amputates Tien's arm.

Compared to a lot of other voice actors, Ganxingba (Tien) actually does a decent scream here. Most of the other screams so far have either been laid on too thick, or done way too close so it peaks their potato microphones, or it’s just super disingenuous. But right here, Tien’s scream is actually really convincing and doesn’t make me feel like someone is stabbing knives into my ears.

The quiet breeze after Vegeta makes a corny pun (Looks like he's been... disarmed!) sells the joke. Nappa’s follow-up seems more like an in-character necessity for him than it seems like a part of the joke.

Ever apparent that fighting Nappa would be completely beyond their capabilities, Chiaotzu decides to blow himself up and take Nappa with him.

"You can just wish me back with the Dragon Balls!" "We already wished you back with the Dragon Balls! We can't do it twice!" "...Wait, wha--?"

KABOOM. Okay, that got a chuckle out of me. This is also the first time the respawn limit of the Dragon Balls has been mentioned. Simply put, everybody gets one.

Krillin's comment on Chiaotzu's death is really bland and lazily written, but prompts a little more character insight to Tien.

"I loved him." "As a memorial to Yamcha... Gay."

I didn't like it when Yamcha first said it, but being referenced in this macabre fashion does something for me. I won't claim it's clever or witty but I personally find it funny.

Nappa then reveals that Chiaotzu's sacrifice had absolutely no effect on him, which naturally enrages Tien. He goes on to get the stuffing knocked out of him, and Gohan ponders if they should help him instead of just standing around.

Piccolo explains that Tien is in a battle to honor his friend’s death, and he wouldn’t dare besmirch the man’s pride by interrupting his heroic last stand. 

This immediately cuts to Tien screaming for help.

I can't tell if the smirk when Piccolo says "Like a hero" is a visual edit or actually existed in the source material, but it's use here is amazing. The look on his face makes him seem like a sadist who's enjoying this, and that's honestly not too far off from how Piccolo has been depicted so far. He's the Demon King who wants to take over the world and couldn't care less about these humans.

After being reprimanded by Gohan, Piccolo and Krillin finally get the lead out and agree to team up against Nappa. They get some surprise slaps on him, and Piccolo yells for Gohan to shoot him with everything he's got before he has time to DODGE.

This triggers a Pavlovian response and Gohan immediately runs for cover, which means Piccolo and Krillin are just going to have to fight Nappa the old fashioned way: By using the Kagebunshin no Jutsu.

"I can't... believe it."

The Naruto skit is creative and risable in its own right but not exactly gut-busting. What's a whole lot funnier is the notion that Nappa's incredible mental discipline is derived entirely from him playing "Patty Cake, Patty Cake" in his head.

Each of Krillin's shadow clones gets their own notch on the owned counter, bringing the score up to 7.

Nappa then commends their effort and tells them, hey at least you didn't kill yourself using a single useless attack, like Chiaotzu did. Tien then proceeds to do that exact same thing: He fires a Kikoho at Nappa and then dies.

It's given a bit more cause for worry in the original show, where Vegeta states that it very well could have killed Nappa if he didn't guard against it at the last second, but in this series he's given no such credit. Nappa just laughs and says "Pointless."

Just before he goes in for the kill on Krillin, he's stopped mid-air by a stunning realization. He can fly. Vegeta is too flabbergasted to argue this and simply agrees.

After pitching a fit about wanting Goku to watch him murder the Z Fighters, Vegeta obliges Nappa and agrees to wait three hours for Goku to arrive.

I half-expected, half-wanted them to make a fake girlfriend reference with Goku here.

Vegeta - "So this friend of yours, that you SAY is coming, is somehow stronger than all of you combined, yet didn't show up here to fight us, and you're only just now telling us this after two of your friends have died?"

Krillin - "You wouldn't know him, he goes to a different school."

Thirty seconds into their three hour wait time, Nappa starts up the "Is he here yet?" bit. Vegeta shoos him off and tells him to go have fun and occupy himself in any way he sees fit.

This begins a well-timed, well-edited musical number of Nappa systematically dismantling the naval and air forces of what I assume is the World Government.

And this whole time while Nappa is enjoying himself to the sounds of musical splendor, crashing metal, and explosions, Piccolo, Krillin, and Gohan are just standing still in a morosely quiet semi-circle. For the entire three hours I'm guessing. Vegeta's scouter alarm goes off, which means time is up and they're all going to die. Nappa suddenly returns without his shirt and elbows Piccolo in the head so hard it changes the color of the sky from blue to pink.

Not the most clean or graceful cutaway scene, but it sells itself regardless. The stinger is a stronger finish than it had any right to be, as a callback and apparent closure to the most esoteric joke in this series. RIP Whales.

Conclusion

This was a plateau of an episode. Whereas the last episode had constant peaks and kept your interest, this one was steady and consistent throughout in a less remarkable way. Most of the factors that go into making or breaking an episode seemed to have hit a comfortable resting point. That or I've just finally become numb to the questionable microphone quality.

I feel like this episode almost lands in the twilight zone of "It's bad, so let me reach to say something positive about it" and "It's good, so let me reach to say something negative about it." that just coalesces into me not having much of anything to say about it. I’m uncertain whether or not this constitutes a failure on my part as a critic, or if this episode really is just that comparatively monotonous.

The word mediocre is often used to mean bad or poor, which I don't feel fits this episode, but it certainly isn't a stand out. I really couldn't find much worthy of discussion here beyond face value.

The few jokes that struck me personally stop me from calling this episode boring, but I found myself repeatedly checking the time to see how much I still had left to watch. It had jokes that were definitely funny, but nothing here really kept my attention. Other lackluster episodes, even if they were not worth a rewatch, kept my interest because I'd latch onto things that were obvious and apparent as being poorly done. This one offered very little variance between the lowest it went and the peak its comedy or production.

If anything, this episode is saved from a lower score by its tail end. Nappa's patty cake joke and the eponymous "best day ever" scene really make up the majority of this episodes hard-hitting humor for me.

But it is important to note that this is still a good episode. It’s not a laugh riot episode and it’s probably not in anyone’s Top 5, but it’s a very comfortable middle ground between the worst this season has to offer and the very peaks.

As an important side note, I feel like we're just now encroaching upon what might be Nappa fatigue. I maintain my position that Nappa has yet to have a “do nothing” joke - all of his humor has been in a hit in some capacity - but it feels almost par for the course at this point. Nappa is definitely not overdone in this episode and he in fact caries it, but I feel like another episode of this style would tread tightly upon the expiration date of how much zaniness you can come to expect before it starts to feel samey. Nappa is in danger here of simply becoming too saturated within the show’s focus and would lose his simplistic, unique appeal that's the driving force behind his characterization. Which is well-timed because we all know what happens next episode...

While I don’t think this episode stands out as a whole, it definitely has some strongly quotable moments. Yeah, yeah, most of what Nappa said. But a series of hilariously derailing one-liners does not make for something remarkable on the whole, which to me just feels expected, stagnant and safe. The peaks are not enough to pull this episode further up, but I must say I’m still not fully confident in my assessment. This was definitely a weird episode to judge.

Score: 67

Passing Thoughts

“What the hell could someone like you possibly major in?” “Child psychology.” “Wow, that sounds really interesting.” “WITH A MINOR IN PAIN!”

"Nappa here is worth 5 Raditz, and I am worth 15 Raditz!" - Vegeta Accurate to the canon power levels!

Oolong saying "Get back to the fight!" sounds absolutely nothing like Oolong. In fact, Episode 1 Oolong sounds more like Oolong than this short cameo did.

"Dick move, guys."

"Good effort, but I'm the patty cake champion."

[recentanimenews]

The Best Anime of the 2010s

Here it is, the third and final installment in our Best of the 2010s series! We’ve gotten manga and video games out of the way, so it’s time for anime.

If you’re just tuning in, here’s how it works: our three contributors (Evan Minto, Ink, and David Estrella) each ranked their top anime series and movies released between 2010 and 2019. We scored them all based on their positions in the three lists, and came up with a single combined list of 10, which you’ll find below. We haven’t seen every anime out there, so there may be some conspicuous omissions, but of all of our lists, this is the one we’re most confident in. That’s mainly because the contributors covered over 120 titles between the three of them! The full lists for anime, manga, and games, including our individual rankings, are now available on the Ani-Gamers Patreon.

Below you’ll find everything from lo-fi comedies to tragic war stories. And befitting the many ways anime is produced and distributed, our list contains TV series, net animations, short films, big-budget feature films, rotoscope animation, and more. It’s been a great decade for anime, and we hope you find something new (er, more like old) to add to your watch list. Enjoy, and feel free to chime in with your own picks in the comments!

10. Tantei Opera Milky Holmes: Act 2 (2012)

David Estrella: No one believes me when I say that Milky Holmes II is an essential anime and frankly, I don’t have the wherewithal to argue with close-minded idiots that have had the bulk of the 2010s to listen to me for once. If you have to ask, it’s already too late for you but in case you’re 14 and your first anime was a post-Bleach shonen thing, Milky Holmes is a comedy that begins as a mildly amusing goofy slapstick magical girl detective cartoon and soon spirals out into an insane spectacle that completely incinerates all the other half-way passable, middle-of-the-road multimedia schlock that used to made before it all became indistinguishable idol gacha crap. Someone went highly off-script on this production and every Milky Holmes afterwards is not even worth mentioning next to these first two seasons. Between this, gdgd Fairies, and Teekyu, the last breaths of creative expression in TV anime were all concentrated in 2012, and before we knew it, it was gone.

9. Flowers of Evil (2013)

Ink: As far as manga adaptations go, hell, as far as film goes, Flowers of Evil is nothing short of a masterwork. Layering animation atop live action (rotoscoping) to emulate the basic premise behind the poetic movement so treasured by the “tortured” protagonist … not to mention actually including relevant, inspirational poems, Director Hiroshi Nagahama takes great risks – from pacing to form and even content – and sticks the landing with technical and emotional force to improve upon the source material (even though the anime only adapts half the manga). It’s an anime that reveals how beautiful ugliness can be and vice-versa.

8. Kill la Kill (2013–2014)

Evan Minto: There’s nothing quite as enjoyable as watching Hiroyuki Imaishi and Kazuki Nakashima go to town on an anime TV series. Kill la Kill is a bonkers ride from start to finish. It’s got superpowered talking school uniforms, nudist secret societies, fanservice so obnoxious it somehow becomes cool, and a never-ending parade of shocking heel-turns. There’s something in there about fascism and the fashion industry and maybe if you squint hard enough you can argue it’s feminist, but the most important F word when it comes to Kill la Kill is “fun.”

7. Kizumonogatari (2016–2017)

David Estrella: I don’t think I’ll ever fly to Japan for the sake of seeing an anime film on opening day again, and fortunately Kizumonogatari was such a peak for cinema that I’m perfectly fine with that. Kizumonogatari left me fulfilled in a way that people with weaker immune systems would pass on to the hereafter upon leaving the theater. It’s not a coincidence that my interest in anime tanked severely once the Kizu trilogy wrapped up since, with a few rare exceptions, very little anime possesses the same ambitious spirit as I found in Kizumonogatari. While Makoto Shinkai is busy making extended Apple commercials under the guise of magical realist teen romance films, I’m really finding it easier and easier to call the anime medium completely and totally solved as early as 2017.

6. From the New World (2012–2013)

David Estrella: Due to circumstances outside of my control, From the New World appears higher on the list over the definitive best anime of the decade and I’m stuck writing about it. I’ll play along if only because From the New World is a great show that deserves another look to appreciate how much it was doing within the boundaries of weekly 24-minute episodes. Adapted from a science-fiction novel that will never be translated and published into English, it’s the rare sort of anime TV show that gets its hooks in early and continues sinking them in until the thought of taking a break before reaching the resolution is unbearable.

5. JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure (2012–present)

David Estrella: The loudest JoJo people say that Stardust Crusaders is the best JoJo, then two camps split between Diamond is Unbreakable and Golden Wind say their JoJo is the best JoJo, and then I’m the obnoxious voice in the back that hoots and hollers anytime someone says the phrase “Battle Tendency”. All the other JoJo’s are technically more sophisticated than the first couple of parts, but none of them really match the sheer power of that initial hit, those two amazing openings, and the actual best JoJo, Joseph Joestar, voiced by Tomokazu Sugita giving the performance of a lifetime. At the very least, we will all be haunted by Roundabout memes for as long as JoJo remains relevant.

4. Endless Night (2015)

Ink: Storytelling that relies solely on visuals is seemingly rare in anime these days, and even though Sayo Yamamoto’s Animator Expo figure skating short (which led to the more verbose Yuri!!! on Ice) is backed by a perfectly expressive song by Hiroshi Nakamura, the latter is made superfluous thanks to emotionally soaked movements and settings, laudably implemented surreality, seamless flow, minimalist color palette, and evocative texturing. Seven minutes (if that) lays out, engrossingly, a complete story of inspiration, infatuation, and (ultimately) realization. Ignore the East German judge; the passion and implementation is a 10/10.

3. Inferno Cop (2012–2013)

Evan Minto: “Best of” lists like this one have a tendency toward “high” art, toward stories about Big Ideas and Important Subjects. Inferno Cop is the lowest art of all: a series of nonsensical, lo-fi cutout animated shorts written with the reckless abandon of children playing with action figures. It’s also one of the funniest anime series in a very long time, and certainly one of the best comedies of the decade. It’s only fitting that it served as the world’s introduction to Studio Trigger, who closed out the 2010s with their smash-hit feature film Promare.

2. The Tale of Princess Kaguya (2013)

Ink: The recently late and perpetually bereaved Isao Takahata was, ironically, given the work about which this blurb is written, a realist compared to Ghibli co-founder’s (Miyazaki) escapist tendencies. Why, then, is this retelling of a very familiar folktale in The Tale of Princess Kaguya so powerful? Because the characterizations are as palpable as the animation is expressive; there are few scenes in the all of anime that draw breath like those of the MC’s dashing sequences. The art itself is simultaneously emulative of both a child’s picture book and a depiction of time as age sets in. Fairy tales are forever. RIP and thank you, Takahata.

1. In This Corner of the World (2016)

Evan Minto: This movie handily snagged the #1 spot in our ranking, and it’s not hard to see why. It’s a story about the hardships of World War II told not through combat, but through the grueling travails of civilian life. In This Corner of the World’s gut-wrenching tragedy is tempered and amplified by the currents of love and big-hearted, true-to-life comedy that run through it. The film is a beautiful tribute to the innocent souls trampled by war, comparable and even — dare I say — superior to the classic Grave of the Fireflies.

Check out our list of the Best Manga and the Best Video Games of the 2010s!

The Best Anime of the 2010s originally appeared on Ani-Gamers on February 21, 2020 at 8:43 PM.

By: David Estrella

[icharchivist]

Would you share an awkward/embarrassing yet funny story with us?

my whole life is awkward and embarrassing, take a pick

I have no idea what prompted this ask but i’ve also never really shyed away from all those i think.

There’s a few i can think of i’ve already mentioned once or twice on my blog (two stories involving two very different mangashop, the fight and the internship stories) but if anything... 

Okay i have a lot of very dumb stories that are ways too embarassing, but one that isn’t too bad - once we had a Sociological & Economy exam and I hated the hell out of that class and i didn’t study anyway and my best friend, who was sitting next to me, hadn’t either, and we were both guuuh over it. 

And, because it was our thoughtprocess At All Time (we were famous with the teachers for being some chaotic likeable disasters) we were singing to ourselves this german song (The Schnapi) (i remind that we are French) and we were laughing so hard about it that before the exam happened, so we dared each other “hey let’s write the chorus (in german) under our names”

Which we did. 

But we didn’t stop there because my friend, oh so clever, then turned to me and told me “hey do you remember the Willy Wonka’s intro song” (from the Burton’s movies) and so i wrote it down for her on the table. And she looked at me and went “i’m going to write it in my exam.” And I went, okay, fair enough, i’m game.

So basically we made a cheatset there for this bullshit and we both decided to completely bullshit our exams, like i think i’ve mentioned in my test that the fall of sells from a shellshop was because the shells had rebelled against humanity and all. 

And there was a big essay we were supposed to write about basically how market could be affected by different factors and such, so i super seriously wrote about the economy of Wonderland and the fact the Mad Hatter couldn’t continue his business while all head were being cut down right? And my friend wrote a full story about the Willy Wonka factory and how the workers decided to rebel (here she put on the song) and threw Willy Wonka into a chocolate thing and cooked him and the economy prospered thanks to canibalism.

And we’ve actually turned in our exams. With those bullshits written on it. All seriously.

To say that we failed this class would be an understatement but that was without thinking about the fact the Teacher well. had Questions. And when he turned in back all the copies, we were kind of flustered thinking about what the hell have we done, and the teacher said loudly that he wanted to see us after class for our copy.

By then most of the class knew what we had done because we were a very gossiping class. a few people actually waited outside hoping to hear what the teacher told us.

that was super embarassing and very difficult not to be laughing at his face considering he was a really, really sweet guy, we just really sucked and had zero self control and he didn’t know us well by then. 

Because see there’s that too: others teachers did know us well and laughed with us a lot over our bullshits, but he didn’t know us. So when he ended up receiving those bullshits of exams he went to see our main teacher who did. copies. of the exams and spread them around with our teachers. We had our cinema teachers at least laughing their asses off hearing about it because “yeah of course those two would do that”

But more embarassingly that i’ve heard in another class is that before he gave us back our copies, he actually stopped by one of his class which had a German student and he asked her to translate what we wrote in German under our names, thinking it was a code or an insult toward him. And the girl had to read us basically writting nonsense and say “no i mean it’s from the song about the little crocodile, i have no idea why though”. But we’ve learnt about that bc we had a friend in this class who knew it was us and she obviously went to tell us right away that “huh he’s asking around why you wrote in german in your copies”

I don’t even remember how we explained it to the teacher, he let us go by having us retake a serious exam instead and i mean i don’t even think we passed this one by being serious (was better than our original grades but that said with our bullshit exams at least my friend got a better grade than a friend who studied and SHE didn’t repass her exam so yaknow)

But therefore by the end of the year our teachers had organized a picnic to celebrate the end of the year and such and we all gathered and there was our Economy teacher there - there was our Cinema and Main teachers i think, all who knew us a little more and all - but so for the picnic the teachers were going around laughing and joking with us, i’m pretty sure our Main teacher mentioned something to us about the exam incident but a ha ha ah,

and anyway so still with my friend we’re doing our usual stuff we kept doing by all time which was to go through our favorite OST of movies (like i think we sang “It’s tough to be a God” from El Dorado in French for hours) and at some point we had the “wait what are the lyrics of La Carioca again” and so we were sat on the grass, looking at the lyrics on my phone and singing them (and it’s a french song but i really need to mention it’s one of the dumbest song ever from one of the best dumb French comedy, it’s the best thing ever) and we were dancing sat down, y’know the usual

Until we suddenly catch our economy teacher, who was talking music with others students nearby us, and heard him go “no girls i do like your music there, aT LEAST YOURS ISN’T COMPLETELY STUPID” and we’ve suddenly felt that he was looking at us, middance singing La Carioca, also knowing VERY WELL he was judging us for the German song. 

I’m almost certain then he talked to us and went “so it wasn’t just a stupid prank, you’re both just like that H24.” and i still have nO IDEA what it is supposed to mean but wELL. I GUESS.He didn’t hold any grudge it seems. He kept copies though.  He apparently talked about those weird exams he got to some of his others classes so huh. Legacy and all.

Anyway since then i’ve heard that a few teachers had actually kept copies of those exams so there was no escaping the fact everyone in this highschool knew we were That Dumb. (i mean people knew bc we were doing crack movies for our cinema courses that was projected during a week and all, but that was a specific brand of dumb).

So basically this is perhaps the Peak Dumbass from my Highschool years which means a lot because we were.. doing this sort of things a lot, it just happens that this one time it happened against a teacher who wasn’t used to it and it backfired.

I have no idea if this is the sort of stories you hoped to find but here it is: peak of my life, 15yo me being an idiot. Hope you at least enjoyed the read.

I wish you well ;O

[mashitandsmashit]

America’s Got Talent: Season 14 - Judge Cuts 3

I guess throw Erin into the “likable personality, but was mostly just there” pile, since I’m so obligated to criticize these guest judges...But once again, a solid GB choice!

I guess the unfortunate casualties for this week would be Revolution Queens, Cirque Du Sewer (it’s like a cross between a pet act and a Rube Goldberg machine act) and I might even say Stephanie’s Child...Sure, maybe they weren’t the best singers, but I feel like entertainment value should be factored in as well, which will be a major topic of discussion in this review...

Obviously, a lot of people are pissed that Ansley didn’t make it and silly acts like Gonzo did, but as I commented on her video, I see variety as just as important as talent. The reason why some stupid acts slip through is because they’re unique and different, whereas she’s just an adequate child singer among much superior ones. (Hell, I’d say the girls from GFORCE are better...) I wish her the best, but she didn’t deserve to advance in my opinion (especially since she keeps running into the same issue...)

And it’s not a very good year for acrobats or dance duos, is it? I was hoping that at LEAST Duo MainTenanT would pull through, but to be fair, I didn’t see anything super-exciting from them this time, at least from the brief clip of them that I saw. And while it may have seemed like Edson & Leon would make it due to being previewed early, I guess it means nothing now...While it is impressive what they do, I don’t see them doing much to develop the act anyway...Honestly, from the brief three seconds we saw from Andrei & Alexander, they showed the most promise in this category!

Anyway, let’s move on to who made the cut...

7: Mackenzie. Yeah, he’s a good singer and everything, and I enjoy his stage presence and all that, so I won’t complain about him advancing...But he’s probably the least interesting singer to make the live shows...I was hoping there wouldn’t be any singers I would have to actively root against in the live shows this year, but it’s probably going to be him...

6: Sideshow Opera. Well, I guess we needed ONE weird sideshow act in there (even though Bir Khalsa should count as well). But yeah, this was just weird enough to be entertaining, and you gotta give the man props for singing on a bed of nails with a cinder-block on his chest while his wife smashed it with a fiery mallet, as well as the amount of precise timing that was required! They won’t make it past the next round, but I look forward to one more deadly aria!

5: Gonzo. I don’t care what anyone says, Gonzo is just too much! Like, he’s totally out in the next round, but I don’t care, one more performance from him is all I ask!

4: Greg Morton. While I think I liked his “Star Wars” set a little more, I still greatly enjoy his energy and all of the different voices he can do! (Here, I’d say he peaked early with the T-Rex impression...) He doesn’t even NEED to do all those voices; He can just read the phone-book and I’ll love it! Though he still looks terrifying when he opens his mouth like that...

3: Carmen Carter. Yeah, I don’t care, I had a blast! Sure, she hypes the audience quite a bit, but I think that kinda added to it! Had to find SOME way to get attention off of her massive rack! I’m sorry, I just couldn’t look away from that...But whatever, girl, you do you!

2: Marcin Patrzalek. I really had to think about these top two...Marcin definitely stepped it up, but after that audition, it’s hard to know how much more you CAN step up! Also, there is the matter of which one I would pay to see in a show, and a lone guitar player might not make for the best hour-and-a-half of my time, no matter how crazy he plays it! That said, that is just a factor to consider with an otherwise amazing talent! While he deserved a GB just like the act that beat him here, I will point out that I’m once again going to pick my own personal Golden Buzzer, and I think I already know who it’s gonna be...Winkity-wink-wink!

1: Light Balance Kids. I mean, I love Marcin, but could it have REALLY been anyone else to get the GB!? The adult version of this act had one, and these kids really DO have the potential to top even them! Hell, in the final results, they might even rank a little bit higher than Third this time! I’ll be pulling for these kids, just like I will with Marcin and V.Unbeatable! (And the best part is, they could ALL potentially make the Top 5! Though Kodi Lee will probably still win, but whatever...)

So there may be a few deserving acts not making the live shows who I would have liked, but I at least understand that there are some tough choices with all of these.

Otherwise, in my opinion, the judges are making solid choices this year! Let’s see if they bring it home next week when Ol’ Bigchin is their guest judge!

And now to predict the fortunate ones...I’ll start with the singers, since that’s looking to be a pretty cutthroat category for this one...

We have THREE child singers competing in this same show, and they are arguably the best of the category for this season (barring any that already have a Golden Buzzer)! Charlotte Summers, Benicio Bryant and Emanne Beasha!

Of the three’s auditions, Charlotte’s was by far my favorite, with some unique and powerful vocals, and a strong stage presence! I’m actually rooting for her, but I am a little worried...It’s hard to imagine all three of these kids advancing on the same show, and the other two just have stronger factors going for them...

Benicio has the factor of being the only boy of the group, so they might consider diversity, and he was also featured in the “Best of Auditions” compilation...Everyone else from that compilation has already made the live shows (including Greg Morton, which is why I felt as confident in him as I did).

As for Emanne...Well, she’s a young girl who sings opera, and we all know how much everybody loves those! In fact, while there is still a possibility for the other singing acts, she’s my most likely prediction for the Golden Buzzer! (Leno’s pre-GB line in the promo even sounds like he might be talking to a child singer of some sort, most likely a Jackie Evancho type...Hmmm...)

Either way, I’m fine with one more singer getting it; Both V.Unbeatable and Light Balance Kids have one, I’ll allow whatever for the last one now...

The other singing act to consider is Voices of Service, which could actually go either way...

And now for the other categories...If there’s one non-singing act for this show who is GB-worthy (though I doubt it’s him), it’s Eric Chien! But honestly, it might be more fitting if he doesn’t get one, since he’s the spiritual successor to Shin Lim, who WON last year without one! A GB might actually jinx it for him...But either way, I’m feeling pretty much certain that he’s gonna make it regardless...

Magicians haven’t been doing the best this year (I mean, most of them ARE struggling to reach the high bar that last year’s winner set)! Even the guy who already made it didn’t impress as much in this round...So we’ll see if Eric is the one who rises to the challenge...Because I don’t think it’s gonna be SOS...

So let’s get to some TOUGHER rivalries! In the stand-up comedy category, we have two naughty middle-aged comediennes! Going off of their auditions, I did like Kara with a K more, and she has a VERY colorful personality to boot...But we’ll see how well Jackie Fabulous can step it up...I guess it all comes down to which one does better in this round!

Then we have TWO contortionists, Marina Mazepa and our favorite human carry-on, Jonathan Burns! I can actually see this potential rivalry going either way; While we may have predicted early on that Burns will get pigeonholed, he could also find some way to squeeze through (pun way intended)! But no matter how amazing either of them are, I think they could both end up going home regardless...

Throw Dominguez Poodles and Trigger Happy into the candidate list...And while I don’t think they’ll make it, remember DM Nation from Season 10? Apparently they have returned and will compete in this episode...

So let’s try to guess who’s making the final cut...

1: Benicio Bryant

2: Dominguez Poodles

3: Emanne Beasha (Golden Buzzer)

4: Eric Chien

5: Jackie Fabulous/Kara with a K

6: Trigger Happy

7: Voices of Service

But I don’t want Charlotte to go so soon...

[a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives]

HEATHER GRAHAM SENDS UP HOLLYWOOD’S TOXIC MASCULINITY IN HER DIRECTORIAL DEBUT

written by: Jacob Oller

Heather Graham has been a mainstay in both indies and comedies since License to Drive and Drugstore Cowboy in the late ‘80s. Her performances, especially her lauded turn as Rollergirl in Boogie Nights [1997], were often sex-positive and presented with an agency and enthusiasm rare from others cast in similar roles.

Her intense fascination with sexuality is as deeply felt in her performances as the roles themselves—as sex workers or other objects of the male gaze—position her for a thoughtlessness stereotypical in the film industry. Reclaiming these roles and using her position as a decades-long sex symbol, Graham has written and directed her first movie, Half Magic.

Half Magic, a romantic comedy about sexism in the film industry (and the world at large), focuses on women sick of being mistreated by men, leaving Graham’s character Honey to negotiate her position in Hollywood and her relationships to men and sex. Honey, along with friends played by Stephanie Beatriz and Angela Kinsey, tackle their love lives, their friendships, and sexually harassing bosses with a bit of witchery a la The Craft [1996]—only their magic is mostly hope and good intentions.

This is all perfectly positioned in the wake of the #MeToo movement disrupting the predatory status quo of the entertainment world. When I sat down with Graham to discuss her directorial debut, she was eager to talk about the shifting ideals of the film world.

JACOB OLLER: I know you’ve been shopping this script around since 2014, so this has been on your mind a while—how was the experience getting this to the public?

HEATHER GRAHAM: It was hard getting the financing. We have a friend named Michael Nickles, who’s a producer on the movie, and I was writing the script during a breakup. I wanted to find a way to laugh at all the things in life that had really upset me, and Michael said “You should direct this.” He helped me find these financiers and we went into pre-production, then they told us they didn’t have the rest of the money. We had to shut down the film and it was devastating. So stressful. Then I met Bill Sheinberg who told me “if you get the rights back and all your legal stuff is kosher, I’ll make the movie.” We had to get this quitclaim [deed], we got the rights back, and finally we made the movie. It was a long road and, luckily, it’s coming out at a time when people are open to the subject matter in a way they’ve never been before.

OLLER: It really feels like Chris D’Elia’s film executive character in the film grew out of these Harvey Weinstein allegations, but you had this written years ago.

GRAHAM: Of course guys have been acting this way for a long time. Finally America decided “this isn’t cool anymore.” Hopefully that makes people more open to my story, which is about sexism, sexual harassment, and all that specifically in the entertainment business.

OLLER: As someone switching to a new side of the business, I know you’ve said that as an actor playing a part, it’s your job to be on your character’s side, so you have to see it all from that perspective—how does that job change when you’re also the director?

GRAHAM: An actor could be playing a person who’s crazy or a person who’s mean, a person whose point of view you don’t agree with but have to find their point of view. When you make a movie you can tell a story from your own perspective and tell the story you want to tell. I wanted to inspire and empower women, and men too, by opening up a conversation about sexism, relationships, and sexuality. I think women in our culture are presented with a mixed message. On one hand we’re told “your looks are the most important thing and you have to look sexy” while we’re also told “don’t be too sexy or we’re gonna judge you harshly.”

OLLER: One of my favorite lines from the film is during a script discussion where your character says “I like sluts, why do they all have to die?” which is a funny way of summarizing these sex-positive values.

GRAHAM: I did want to be sex-positive because our culture is sexist. If you see a male hero and he’s James Bond and having sex with all these people, everyone thinks he’s so cool. If you watch, for example, a horror film, and you see a girl that has sex with a guy, you know she’s gonna die. In film and in life, women are punished for things that men are celebrated for.

OLLER: In terms of your direction, did you try to subvert this?

GRAHAM: I mean I made the women the protagonists. Most movies have men protagonists with women as the objects. Mine has female protagonists and men that are…maybe “objects” is the wrong word..

OLLER: I think there’s definitely some fun objectification done with something like Luke Arnold’s dancing, especially since the way you film sex scenes and physical comedy feels very linked.

GRAHAM: I’m glad you said that because his whole character actually happened to me. I met this guy who, I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was doing a lot of drugs. He was all “I make up my own exercises” and stuff, but he was so cute! So later I thought “that’s kind of crazy” but he was so handsome I let it slide. I was definitely making fun of not seeing red flags. A guy that breaks up with you by telling you he wants to go climb a mountain but he really wants to go do drugs? At the time it was devastating, but in retrospect it’s so obvious.

OLLER: Wait, the mountain stuff is real?

GRAHAM: Everything in that breakup scene is real. Everything the guy says to her is real. “I have wars to fight, I have mountains to climb…” Someone actually said that to me.

OLLER: Were any other lines from the script taken from your life?

GRAHAM: A lot. When she’s at work and her boss tells her “If you want to get a movie made, write about a man. Nobody cares about women stories.” I was developing stories for years that I wanted to act in and produce, and a lot of people would tell me that exact thing.

OLLER: Wow.

GRAHAM: For anyone outside the industry it sounds crazy, right? The hardest part of doing this movie was getting someone to give me the money. People are scared to take a chance [on a female filmmaker].

OLLER: Do you think that will change in the wake of the #MeToo movement?

GRAHAM: Hopefully. I think people want to be on the right side of this issue, so they’re doing some affirmative action. But if you look at the percentages of women directing film, it’s still around 7 percent.

OLLER: Does establishing a directorial foothold with Half Magic mean you’ll be pursuing more in the future?

GRAHAM: I’m working on two stories right now, one called Chosen Family about a woman’s dysfunctional family and how it repeats itself in her romantic relationships, and another one about cancer. They say they want to cure cancer but it’s such a big business that…do they really want to cure it? That’s the idea, anyways [laughs].

OLLER: Changing directions after that, when you direct the sex scenes you also star in, you use this really interesting superimposed shot of you and a sort of mystical outer space. Where did that idea come from?

GRAHAM: I put that in because I experienced something that felt like that. I grew up religious and was told I would go to Hell for having premarital sex. So I was having sex at one point and had this spiritual moment where I felt like the universe was telling me that sex is a beautiful, divine thing. Feel good about it! For the movie I went, “how do I express this?” So I figured, I’ll just do what I saw. This starry sky and this voice that talked to me. I actually got my yoga teacher to do the voice in the film. It’s a trippy part in a comedy movie, but it’s my personal experience around sexuality.

OLLER: Did any of that come from your interest in transcendental meditation? I heard you got into that after working with David Lynch.

GRAHAM: So I was in the original Twin Peaks when I met David and David’s really into it. He’d meditate every day at lunch. I was like 20, which is a hard age when you’ve left your parents and want to become your own person. I definitely had a bit of angst and talked to him about that. He said I should really try meditating and I figured, what do I have to lose? I’ve been doing it ever since then. It helped me break a lot of bad habits, like I used to eat a ton of junk food. 

- Interview Magazine