#the hurt was mostly caused to me

[melanie-ohara]

Take Yourself Apart For Me - Chapter 2

Whumpuary2024, Day 08 - Prompt: "Help Me"

Shin confronts her deepest fear: asking for help

I'll level with you: I cried a bit writing this one

AO3 Here

Shin spent the next two days in the Mandalorian's bed. Despite her escape attempt, they never attempted to put her back in the restraints - maybe they thought her injury would keep her captive. Or maybe they trusted her not to kill them in their sleep. Ahsoka Tano had given her back her lightsaber and from the weight of it Shin knew she hadn't removed the power pack, and she wondered what Baylan would have expected of her now. Tano was a war hero, he had told her, and she had no chance against her. She would sense her intentions even in the deepest of sleep and cut her down in seconds. But Sabine was weak: barely able to use the Force unless her life depended on it, unbalanced, and with aggression that rivalled Marrok. Shin had bested her in every contest they'd had, and she could kill her without breaking a sweat. 

Her eyes shifted down to the drawings on the wall. Did she want to kill her?

Baylan had sent her to Lothal. Morgan Elsbeth sent her on Seatos. Thrawn sent her on Peridea. Not once had she decided for herself. 

The door opened and Shin rolled onto her side to face the wall before Wren could see her face. Murley's portrait looked up at her, and Shin felt that its stare was a little accusatory.

"Brought you food," Sabine said, with cheer that didn't sound forced, no matter how much Shin wished otherwise. She lifted her hand and Sabine pressed the carton into her fingers without complaint. As always, she'd already put the straw in for her.

At Huyang's insistence, Shin was on a liquid diet of blended protein infusion until she was fully healed, and the thick, flavourless gruel she had to suck down through a straw sometimes made her wish Feldspar had actually killed her. She could hear Sabine beside her, unwrapping a protein bar for her own breakfast, and wished her presence didn't comfort her so much. She was sick of eating alone.

"Your armour," she said, after a long silence broken only by Sabine's chewing. "I heard the droid saying."

"It's wrecked," Sabine said, trying and failing to sound flippant. 

Shin remembered Sabine kneeling under a barrage of blaster fire from the bandits that had once been her allies. "Why did you save me?" she asked abruptly.

She didn't need to look to know Sabine had shrugged before she answered. "Ahsoka saw something in you," she said. Neither of them spoke for a moment. "Why didn't you go back to Thrawn?" Sabine finally asked.

Shin closed her eyes. She wanted to reach out for her lightsaber, sitting on Sabine's desk on the other side of the room - not to attack, just to feel the weight of it in her hand for a while. Instead, she pictured it: the orange crystal sitting at the centre of the emitter matrix, the delicate twists and curls of the cables that ran along the core to the power cells, the thick insulation sheath and the metal hilt that sealed it away. 

"I don't know," she lied.

"Right," Sabine said, scrunching up the wrapper of her protein bar and getting to her feet. "Good talk."

She sounded annoyed, and it reminded Shin uncomfortably of the way Baylan had spoken when she was younger, and failed one of his drills or didn't put her all into an exercise.

"Wait," Shin said, before she could stop herself. She rolled onto her back to check that Sabine hadn't left, and saw her standing with her head cocked slightly and her hand on her hips as she looked at her. 

"Go on," Sabine prompted. Gently this time. 

Shin swallowed hard, and then nodded. "Baylan left me," she said. The words caught in her throat, but she got them out. She had barely admitted it to herself before now. "I… couldn't leave him."

Sabine sat down again. "He's family."

Shin shook her head. "We're not related. But I've never known anyone else."

Sabine moved her hand, and for a frightening moment Shin thought she might touch her. Instead, she just laid her fingertips gently on the edge of the mattress, an inch away from Shin's arm. Her nails were painted deep red.

"I lost my family too," Sabine said quietly. "My planet. And Ezra, twice now."

Shin looked away from her eyes. "I never had any of that," she said to the ceiling. 

Sabine tilted her head. "Well, not many people have an Ezra to lose."

Shin thought it might have been a joke, but she didn't feel like laughing. It would hurt too much anyway. Sabine sighed and Shin felt her weight shift like she was about to get up, and she opened her mouth just to stop her.

"I haven't felt anything since that day." 

Shin couldn't tell which of them was more surprised by what she'd said, but it was true so she didn't try and take it back. She did try to stop the tears welling in her eyes and the tightness constricting her throat, but it didn't work. Slowly, Sabine leaned forwards.

"I've been there," she said softly. Shin felt a tear breach the corner of her eye and roll down the edge of her cheek into her hair. 

"Then… can you help me?" she asked.

This time Sabine did reach out to her, and Shin tried not to flinch too obviously when her palm came to rest on her forearm. She could feel the warmth of her touch even through the sleeve of her shirt. 

"What do you need?"

*

Sabine took her weight as she guided her across the common room to the cockpit access, one of Shin's arms over her shoulders. Her instinct was to loop her own arm around Shin's waist, but she had noticed how little she liked to be touched without warning and instead left it pressed awkwardly between their bodies as they walked. She kept an eye on the white surgical patch Huyang had pressed over Shin's wound once the skin had healed enough, looking for signs that she'd torn her stitches again, but they made it to the cockpit without incident. She lowered Shin carefully into the pilot's chair and then took her usual seat once she was settled. 

Sabine flipped the intercom switch. Ahsoka had left early to scout the mountain path ahead, but Huyang had stayed aboard with them. "Huyang, I'm taking us for a ride," she said.

"For what purpose?" the droid asked.

"Uh… We've been hovering for a week now, I want to run the engines for a bit. Make sure they don't dry out," she said, shooting a glance over at Shin. She was too busy familiarising herself with the cockpit to return it.

"This is a T6 Jedi Transport," Huyang complained. "The engines do not 'dry out'." 

"Ignore him," Sabine said. Shin was already ignoring both of them.

"Taking us out," she said, and tugged the yoke towards her. The ship rose gracefully into the sky and Shin accelerated a little as they climbed towards the clouds. Sabine watched her hands move over the controls with the ease of an experienced pilot and the care of someone who dearly loved to fly, and was reminded strangely of the way Hera flew the Ghost. She felt a pang of sadness then - Hera and Zeb and her old life were so far away now, and she would probably never see them again. Kanan was further away still.

"This suits you," Sabine told Shin, more to get out of her own head than anything else. It was true though: the other woman was sitting up straight with a look of calm concentration Sabine had never seen on her. When they fought, she looked feral - blistering focus and a vicious will to win - but now she looked in control.

"Baylan didn't like flying the ship," Shin said without taking her eyes off the wisps of cloud starting to break apart on the screen. "I taught myself."

She banked the ship a little faster than necessary and Sabine saw her relish the brief rush of G-force pressing them sideways into their seats. She didn't smile, exactly, but her wide unblinking eyes softened and the tension in her jaw eased for a moment. It returned quickly, though, and Sabine noticed her knuckles tense a little against the yoke.

"What is it?" she asked, and immediately regretted it. Shin hated her prying, but she couldn't help it.

Shin's lip twitched, but she answered the question. "The last time I flew, I was trying to kill you."

"That was you?" 

"You didn't know?"

Sabine thought for a moment, remembering the one-man fighter craft diving and twisting out of her gunsights every time she thought she had them locked. "The gold one," she said, and Shin nodded. "No wonder I couldn't hit you."

The tiniest hint of a smile tugged at Shin's lips, and Sabine let herself grin openly at the victory of finally cheering her up as Shin took one hand off the yoke to adjust the thrust vector of one of the engines, and then instead of putting it back on the controls she laid her hand, almost casually, on the console between them. 

Sabine stared, slackjawed and stunned, for several seconds. Then she looked up at Shin, who was looking very intently the other way. It was obvious, overt even, in a way she would never have expected from the woman who communicated in angry glares and five-word sentences. She almost didn't believe it, especially when Shin shied away from any attempt to touch her. Cautiously, Sabine moved her own hand - not close enough to touch Shin, but near enough that she would know she had noticed. She was reminded of facing off against her on Seatos, and the way she had read Sabine's guard and taken a counter-stance to match her. Sabine's heart was racing the same way, too. She looked over at Shin to see what she was going to do next. A barely perceptible blush rose on her cheeks under her gaze, and slowly, without taking her eyes off a point on the distant horizon, Shin moved her fingers out until they brushed against Sabine's own. 

Sabine couldn't help the gasp that slipped her lips, and she worried for a second that the sound made scare Shin off. Instead, when she looked over, she saw Shin looking back. She hadn't turned her head much, just enough that Sabine could see both of her pale, blue-green eyes. Her usual wide-eyed stare had softened, and now there was a definite smile lifting the corners of her mouth.

"Thank you, for this," Shin said. 

Sabine nodded slowly, and flicked out her tongue to moisten her lips. Cautiously, she lifted her little finger and let it drift gently across Shin's until she could curl it into the space between her third and fourth digit. Shin took her counter-stance: her little finger closed around Sabine's.

"So what happens now?" Sabine asked. 

"I don't know." This time she was telling the truth.

[thebrainrotsreal]

Drew this real quick because I fucking love these two so much ???? Especially Bee. I wish they interacted more so badly. PLEASE.

Also learning how to draw these guys.. slowly.

[angelpuns]

This is what I look like waiting for Tylenol to kick on FYI

[p4nishers]

there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[moeblob]

TIL "Lay On Hands" is a paladin healing skill and I am blessed by this knowledge.

[lahfable]

Man I'm so soft about Arvio's integrity regarding Haru's share of the profits from his cosmetic items. Even though Arvio has always been in a desperate situation regarding money, even though it's urgent for him to make as much money as quickly as possible due to his parents situation in Barnarock; he still saves Haru's half which aids in Haru later being able to afford to pursue his education and lifelong ambitions.

Prior to that, Haru letting Arvio sell his cosmetics in his store undoubtedly helped Arvio with his financial start in Sandrock. Considering Haru met Arvio when he and Amirah first came to town with just the clothes on their backs; It's clear that generosity never stopped meaning the world to Arvio. Their impact on each-other is so sweet, it doesn't get said enough

[jessicas-pi]

hear me out on this ok. ROTS AU where Anakin still turns to the dark side but that's Palpatine's problem.

So, Palpatine decides last minute that ehhhh maybe dooku could come in handy later and he doesn't encourage Anakin to kill him, and Dooku gets arrested and imprisoned in the Jedi Temple awaiting trial. (Also he didn't get his hands cut off because of uhh plot reasons?)

Fast forward.

Palpatine is encouraging Anakin towards the Dark side, tells him about Plagueis the Wise, etc. etc. But see, the thing is, Anakin is at the end of his tether, probably hasn't slept more than three hours over the past week, and has no remaining impulse control or inhibitions, and upon hearing that the Dark Side can save people from death, his first thought is, "wait a sec, we've got a Sith Lord in-house at the moment!" and he sprints out of the space opera and books it back to the temple.

Now, Dooku has been calmly waiting in Temple custody, confident that Darth Sidious will arrange his escape. But THEN Anakin barges into the cell like OMG THE CHANCELLOR TOLD ME THE SITH KNOW HOW TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM DYING AND I'M HAVING DREAMS ABOUT SOMEONE DYING AND I NEED YOUR HELP TO SAVE THEM

At which point, Dooku realizes Palpatine's plan. He's going to tempt Skywalker to the Dark side and REPLACE DOOKU. this is totally uncool.

So he's like "...who are you dreaming about, exactly?"

Anakin freezes. He can't admit it's Padme because their relationship is top-secret and he can't admit how important she is to him so he tries to think of a good fib and goes "uhhhh OBI-WAN! Obi-Wan, it's Obi-Wan, I'm dreaming about Obi-Wan dying-" and he just throws himself into the drama because now he IS imagining obi-wan dying because Obi-Wan is fighting grievous at the moment and he MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE and that's in addition to Padme dying and he's totally spiraling at this point- "pleasepleaseplease you gotta help me he's like the only father i've ever known I don't know what i'll do without obi-wan I have to save him YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT TO DO I'LL DO ANYTHING--"

Dooku begins to smile.

(Would stealing Skywalker out from under his Master's nose be petty? Oh, yeah.)

(But it would also be very, very satisfying.)

---

Obi-Wan calls in to a council meeting to report his defeat of Grievous, but before he can say so, Mace announces that Dooku has escaped and the Sith Master has been killed.

Silence falls between the eleven councilmembers (eleven, not twelve, because their newest one is conspicuously absent. Obi-Wan wonders just what Anakin's up to now. Honestly, that boy will be the death of him.)

Obi-Wan clears his throat.

"...indeed," he says, trying to handle the shocking news with composure. "Well... at least we're down to one Sith, now."

Another awkward pause.

"Yeah, about that--" Mace begins.

[msnihilist]

BEN: I'm a little surprised to see you, considering. JULIE: Considering what? BEN: Considering the fact that you broke up with me. JULIE: I didn't break… It's not that simple. BEN: You said we shouldn't see each other. Sounds simple to me. JULIE: I said, "considering how little time you have for me lately, we might as well be broken up." BEN: That is not my fault. JULIE: Look, I didn't want to ask you for help, but I don't have a choice. BEN: Help with what? JULIE: I was playing with Ship, and then he got a signal from Baz-el, and then he took off like a rocket. BEN: So you're just here about Ship. JULIE: I'm worried about him. BEN: Well, I wouldn't. He's gone away before. He'll be back. JULIE: Ben, you're not listening. This time is different. BEN: Sure. Well… Good luck.

Ultimate Alien S2E2 'Eye of the Beholder'

Call me crazy, but am I the only one who just... really doesn't sympathize with Julie in this convo??

Well, no. I sympathize with losing a pet. I've been there. And it is scary, but also, Ship is an alien who is more than capable of taking care of himself. Julie always seems to forget that Ship isn't a regular dog, for some reason.

But more to the point, the last conversation that Julie and Ben had ended with her saying, "We might as well be broken up." To me, that sounds like she dumped him. Or they're at least "on a break," as teenagers do from time to time.

I don't hate Julie, she's a fictional character. It would be silly to hate a character. But I just don't understand the writers' need to make everything about her. She clearly wants Ben's help because, much like in "Vreddle, Vreddle," she sees Ben's assistance with Ship as a sign that he really does care for her. I get that.

Ben is hurting here, too, though. He's right — he can't control that he's pulled away to literally save the world on their dates. Julie needs attention and time, and Ben, through no fault of his own, couldn't provide it, so Julie dumped him. And Ben is clearly still torn up about it. This is the episode right after he tried to rebound with Eunice, which also failed spectacularly. He's feeling like shit, in regards to his love life, and his ex approached him just to use him, basically.

Julie didn't have to go to Ben. She has Gwen's number. She could have gone to her, and used Kevin's spaceship without going to Ben at all. But she went to him because she wants Ben to prove that he cares about her.

Why is Julie never the one proving that she cares about him?

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I'm unable to explain my thoughts well-enough but I do think one of the reasons Odysseus is my favorite hero from the whole Ancient Greece is because I'm brazilian. Hear me out: Odysseus wins by being the cleverest, not always the most inteligent (that would likely be Palimedes, who Odysseus murders at cold blood) and definitivaly not the strongest.

He doesn't take the bow to war but that is his favorite weapon, the weapon that is stated as a coward's one, the one Paris is mocked for using. And that adds to: he refused honor, he tried to dodge his word and avoid the war. He wants the recognizement and glory (as Diomedes absolutly knows) and after they go he does everything to win (looks to all the war crimes including Iphigenia and Pilocteles) but he never wanted to be there at all.

His second act of cleverness is his failure at pretending to be mad (bonus points for the fact Penelope helped, they are two peas in a pot or however the expression goes) and his dishonorable act is what made me fall in love with him. Because dying for glory, for my country, was never really in my culture, if Brazil decided to invade Paraguay again right now even the people who deny the first war crimes would just go "heck no". When President Lula criticized Venezuela even the people that agreed with him were all like "sure but please don't go to war over it we really don't wanna". The army does dictatorships and paint roads and I fully preffer the roads.

On the other hand being clever and resorcefull those are our heros. Loyal not to a country but to their people, and very much not the most moral people. É o jeitinho brasileiro. And while it does help to maintain a culture of corruption (tho absolutly not as much as people make it seem, the corruption is waaay more because of the power imbalance, income inequality, imperialism, the belief the 1% always have that they are better and the dehumanization of the working class). Is the belief that while yes it is absolutly wrong to let's say throw an infant from a wall because otherwise he'll grow up to destroy your family, better Hector's son dies than yours.

Is selfish but it's also in a lot of ways the recognizement that glory is meaningless. Surviving and helping other people survive, achiving happiness is way more important. Our kids are not pretending to be older to go to war and if they try they better prepare to deal with their mother's rage. We are suppose to never get into a fight. But if we do anyway we better win and come back or else.

[mbirnsings-71]

when none of the DC friends are online right now so I'm just crying about Guy Gardner by myself-

[chaotic-average-child]

getting back on my drawing slowly but surely ^^ here's an aleena

[ameliafuckinjones]

Interesting tidbit from Magnalia Christi Americana by Cotton Mather, which showcases what the early colonists of New England thought about old England:

They pretty much saw themselves and their settlement as an extension of the old country even as they were thousands of miles from it. And didn't want to separate from it so much as they wanted to become an ideal version of it. I imagine this sentiment stayed with the colonies even as they were in the throes of Revolution and especially during the setup of the US government. Good info to understanding the foundational relationship between America and England pre-revolution and pre-Enlightenment (though this book was published in 1702, around the age of Enlightment, it is in spirit an in depth analysis and recollection of early American religious history from the viewpoint of a late 17th/early 18th century puritan minister). The language, though, is what really interests me, "the little daughter of New England in America," "Mother England," "local secession, yet not a separation." and "Undesired local distance from her dear England". Family, though not separated emotionally, are distant physically against their will, and the child is still loyal to the mother country, at least from the pov of the English settlers. There is no true resentment for the mother country yet. I highlight this because it has become a sort of myth - especially in real life - that there was incredibly bad blood from the start when it's far more nuanced than that. The resentment that was built was gradual, it didn't happen all at once, and when things finally did "explode" emotionally speaking, it wasn't nearly as violent as it could have been. Of course, relations between America and England were strained after the Revolution (and 1812), but not so much that they wouldn't do trade deals immediately after the fact or make efforts to mend old wounds or even form a military alliance. I think the "bad blood" between them is often overstated, which turns England into a spiteful, mean creature, and America into some strange pitiful caricature of himself (or vice versa). The former is far to level-headed for that and the latter to sentimental, and for that reason I always try to approach their relationship with a bit more nuance (and realism?) in lieu of letting my fandom brain, hungry for dramatic angst, take over.

The main point is that yes things were rough between them, especially circa 1812, but not as rough as any of the complicated relationships England has with his other kin or neighbors with whom he shares centuries' worth of animosity. I think it's probably why he was comfortable and confident enough to make such a concerted effort with America (via Rapprochement and Dollar Princessess marrying into his aristocracy among other things) even after the Revolution and War of 1812 (and after it was determined that America would not be collapsing anytime soon and crawling back to him on begging hands and knees), because he knew that things could always be much worse and he was smart enough probably to understand that many of America's motivations and ideologies were inspired by him, even if he was perplexed by such childish rebellion.

I believe l've already made a post about why he didn't respond to the Revolution in the fashion America might have wanted him to and the conclusion was that he obviously did care but was under the assumption that America would fail and so he dedicated his energy to what he saw as the bigger threat in Europe. With the analysis above, I'm simply bringing forth the argument (again) that America as a child and a teen idolized England enough to emulate him and become a better version or at least his definition of a better version, and the seed to do so was there from the very beginning. And that for this reason, the relationship isn't as venomous as most make it seem. Both parties very much wanted to connect with each other for a myriad of reasons and did just that even with minor hiccups. It took centuries for France and England to reach such a point (though I'm sure they're both glad that they eventually did). It took America and England a few decades even after the war of 1812. That two stubborn and prideful nations would quickly let bygones be bygones after war, and separation is a miracle and evidence that even with minor and major contention, there is an innate desire to be closer despite everything.

I can go on and on about this, but I think I'll stop here.

[yuripira4e]

I want to preface this post by saying that I love the cat king as a character, especially one that has such a major impact on Edwin and his relationship with his queerness and learning to be okay with it; HOWEVER, I also believe that everyone that genuinely believes he should be a love interest for Edwin should read this. (Also if you just like the cat king as a character and want to understand his character better and why his and Edwin’s relationship is not something that would be healthy or “real” for either)

[arolesbianism]

Despite how much I suffered making my last isat au Aris sprite redraw, I decided to do it again and once again went through hell doing it. There’s like a billion mistakes in this (such as her having the wrong arm rip) but at the end of the day I’m still happy with how it turned out :]

[hyah-lian]

General reminder to other scrunched up sitters like me. Please do try and sit with your legs out and stretch your hamstrings once in a while if you can.

Maybe now even if you are able and have time

Brought to you by the startling realization I couldn't sit up at a 90° angle again without my legs screaming

And a few nights of wondering what I did to get sore legs turns out I just hadn't stretched