#the home life situation i was in when i was younger Was traumatizing; and some of the delusions i've had have been

[brittlebutch]

i feel like there's no way to say it without sounding Insane and attention-seeking but i Do wish that there was language that existed for talking about being traumatized by delusions/hallucinations without sounding like you're just saying "i made up something in my head and got hurt feelings about it"....

[starsxblazing]

Hi! Could I request Azriel who’s mated to the youngest Archeron sister who loves their human traditions. Az finds her celebrating alone despite a whole party being set up, and learns she feels forced to attend solstice or starfall, maybe Rhys even scares her into it a bit, but when she worked hard to set up parties on human holidays, but her sisters always choose starfall? And she feels they force her to adapt to fae traditions while not even her sisters, let alone the others, even acknowledge human holidays, even though feyre said she considers both worlds her home. One that ends in a confrontation with angst would be nice, but happy ending or not is up to you, thanks.

I could have made a small series out of this ask and I really and truly enjoyed writing it. I had intended on a happy ending but this is pushing 5k words and would have taken a lot more for it. I hope it was along the lines of what you wanted!

---

Cause and Effect

From the moment that you were shoved in the cauldron, your life had changed to the point that you weren’t sure what to do. It had hurt that your own sister hadn’t bothered to stop what had happened to you, Nesta, and Elain but you understood since her friend was injured. Being the youngest of all of the Archeron sisters meant that you were always looked over. Nesta had always been worried about Elain and even though you were only a year younger than Feyre, it never made any difference. 

You had always felt horrible that Feyre was the one responsible for keeping all of you fed but your sister refused to let you go with her when she hunted. There had always been an urge to help and try to make things better but as always, you were shoved to the back burner. Most human holidays were forgotten but for some reason, you remembered one in particular. No matter the fact that you tried each year to celebrate it, you were either scoffed at or told that it didn’t matter.

It was something that you held close to your heart because it brought you joy and you wanted it to do the same for your father and sisters. You were different from them in the sense that you wanted to do nothing but spread love and joy but everyone around you was too miserable to care. 

The fae had their own traditions in separate courts you had learned but that piece of you that loved your holiday felt as if it were slowly dying. It had hurt your heart to see Feyre go back to the original court that she had once wanted to go to but you stayed silent and a few feet away from your other two older sisters. Mor had all three of you in an instant as soon as she was able to and took the three of you to a home that you were unfamiliar with.

Your thoughts would linger on the injured males that had been bleeding out in Hybern’s castle as you moved between Nesta and Elain so that you weren’t alone for the three hours that passed. Neither paid you any attention which only added to the hurt. It had been a traumatizing situation for the three of you and you were all trying to cope in your own ways. It didn’t stop the fact that you wished someone would pay you some attention for once in your life. 

Mor had come back to check on all of you after a few hours and she had been the first one in years to show you some genuine kindness. She led you to a room that you would be able to call your own so that you could find your own way to cope. Once she left, giving you a small smile before she did so, you took a moment to admire where you were. The room was huge considering what you had been used to with the bed being just as big. The balcony was what caught your attention the most and you knew that you would spend the most of your time there.

You found yourself enamored with the house that you learned was called the House of Wind. Mor had been the only one that had visited over the course of two days and you reveled in the attention that you were getting, even if it wasn’t a lot. On the third day, one of the males that had been injured returned to the House to see how the three of you were doing. You were instantly entranced with how handsome that he was, especially when he gave you a gentle smile. His eyes went wide when you smiled brightly at him and he stumbled a step as if he were in shock.

**

Azriel had been concerned about the three of his High Lady’s sisters so as soon as he was healed, he made his way up to the House. Only the youngest of the sisters could be seen since she had just finished eating. As soon as their eyes met, he was unable to resist the small smile that he had given you. It wasn’t until you gave him a genuine smile that shock overtook him. The warmth of a golden thread spread through him and it was all that he could do to regain his composure.

“How are you doing?” he asked in a gentle voice as he restrained himself from touching you. 

“I’m still trying to adjust and learn what all of this means,” you answered honestly as you looked around the dining room. “It’s sort of disorienting.”

“I can only imagine.” You gave him another bright smile at his words when your attention turned back to him. “I have faith in you though.”

A small smile replaced your bright, genuine one and he wanted nothing more than to make it return even though he wasn’t sure how. The only thing that he knew was that you were his mate and he wanted to follow you around like a love-sick puppy. Throughout his eleven years of living in a cell, all that he dreamed about was having someone that loved him unconditionally and to love them in return. Even though he knew that mating bonds didn’t always work out, your smile that seemed to show a genuine kind heart had him hoping that it wouldn’t be the case. When a slight frown formed on his face was when your entire mood visibly shifted and it was all that he could feel in the air around the two of you.

“I never saw you when we went to visit your sisters,” he mused quietly, realizing also that you had never been mentioned.

“I was in my room. I didn’t- ” you sighed, your eyes glossing over in the process. “Nevermind. It’s not important.”

“I think it is.” He did his best to keep the curiosity and the hint of anger from his tone. “You shouldn’t have been excluded.”

“It was my choice.” You gave him a sad smile while his heart hurt at your tear lined eyes. “I wasn't.. It’s not really worth sharing.”

“I think-”

“What are you doing?”

Nesta’s voice from the doorway had the both of you turning to look at her, her face etched into pure anger. It had you stiffening up in front of him and it had him rising to his full height while his wings tried to flare in his protective state for you. Your older sister did nothing but continue to glare at the both of you before you sighed quietly while hanging your head and shaking it slightly.

“We were just tal-”

“You don’t need to talk to her,” Nesta snapped. “She has us. Stay away from her.”

You glanced back at him with apologetic eyes before walking away from him but he noticed that you went in a completely different direction than your sister did. He almost followed you but decided against it in hopes that it would help you cope a bit better.

**

“Good morning,” you mumbled sleepily, still in your pajamas, when you entered the dining room with the male from the day before and Mor sitting at the table.

“Good morning,” Mor replied with a small smile. “We weren’t expecting you to be up so early.”

“I do rise early sometimes,” you chuckled as you took a seat beside her with the male sitting across from you. “But everything.. It’s hard to sleep now.”

“That’s completely understandable.” Mor rubbed your arm for a moment in a comforting manner. “We’re glad that you are out here with us.”

You gave her a small but sad smile, unsure of what to say. It was obvious that none of them knew about you and even though it hurt, you did your best not to show it. Feyre had mentioned to you once that the food here was delicious and now that you had a taste, you weren’t sure if you could ever go back to normal human food. The thought had you returning to the day that you had been forced into the cauldron and realized that you didn’t know anyone’s name and most importantly, how they all were doing after injuries.

“You were hurt.” You locked eyes with the hazel ones across from you. “And your friend-”

“We’re alright,” he assured, causing you to slump in relief into your seat. “Cassian’s wings are healing as we speak.”

“I’m so glad.” You gave him a bright smile before gazing at his wings momentarily. “I can’t imagine how much pain that you were in. I feel horrible that I didn’t even think to ask you last night.”

“It’s okay.” He gave you another genuine, small smile that earned a near silent gasp from the female beside her. “You have been through more than any of us can imagine.”

“I don’t even know your names,” you mumbled, choosing to ignore his reassurance since you were trying to avoid the thoughts of your own.

“You’ve met Mor.” He gestured towards the female beside you who simply rolled her eyes. “Cassian, as I said, was the one that was injured as well and Rhysand is our High Lord of the Night Court.”

“Oh.” It was hard to keep your mind from the horrible memories, the thoughts making your heart hurt even more now that you knew their names. “Have you heard from Feyre?”

“She will be alright and will be back as soon as she can,” Mor answered confidently. 

Your sister had obviously thrived since she had become High Fae and you couldn’t help but wonder if you or your other sisters would be able to do it as well even though you didn’t have much of a choice. A part of you wanted to adjust but at the same time, you were terrified of the life that you had been forced into. You were at least trying to be friendly even though Elain still refused to speak and Nesta was being her usual angry self.

You weren’t sure how to feel with everything that was going on around you but your mind began to drift back to your human life. Your favorite holiday would be arriving in a few months and you hoped that it would be something that would be accepted for the first time. Remembering that you didn’t know the male’s name, you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Are you stingy with your name?” 

“No,” he chuckled, amusement dancing in his eyes. “I’m Azriel.”

“Azriel,” you repeated, finding that you liked how it rolled so simply off of your tongue.

He seemed to like it as well due to the smile tugging at his lips but you chose to ignore it, opting to eat what you could. You could feel his gaze on you and noticed it for yourself when you glanced from your peripheral as Mor began to tell you what Velaris had to offer.

“It sounds beautiful,” you sighed in awe.

“I could take you.” Your eyes met Azriel’s, noting that his expression was neutral even though you felt like he deeply wanted you to agree. “The city is meant to be seen at night.”

“I would expect nothing less from The City of Starlight,” you laughed, noting an emotion in his eyes that you couldn’t place.

With a nod in a silent goodbye, you went to find your sisters who were where you thought they would be. Elain was still staring out of the window with a blank stare and Nesta was in a chair in the room with her reading a book. Your oldest sister’s blank stare fell on you and since it made you feel unwelcome, you quickly left and opted to spend your day in your room. The feeling of loneliness was nothing new but it hurt even worse with the circumstances that were beginning to feel impossible to sort through. 

As the day came to a close, you searched through the new wardrobe in hopes of finding something suitable. It was as if Mor knew of your struggle because she was flitting into the room as the afternoon was coming to a close. Her help was more than welcomed since you didn’t know how to dress up for anything at all. She chose a gorgeous blue dress and fixed your hair into loose curls. It was the prettiest that you had ever felt. Azriel’s face softened when you entered the dining room where he was waiting and he guided you to the balcony.

“The House is warded against winnowing so we will have to fly,” he started gently, watching you with nearly invisible caution. “There is always the option of the ten thousand steps to the city but that would ruin your beautiful dress.”

“I’ve never flown before.” It was hard to speak and keep the shock from the simple word from your tone before eyeing his wings. “It sounds scary.”

“I promise not to drop you,” he chuckled, the noise almost inaudible.

You nodded your head and nearly gasped when he picked you up gently, the feeling contradicting his size and obvious muscles. The flight down wasn’t as scary as you expected and you knew that Azriel was doing his best to keep you comfortable. He landed you both down next to what he called the Sidra and you couldn’t help but admire the sight. Azriel followed suit when you leaned against the railing and it was then that you noticed the blue stone on the top of his hand. Your attention turned to the scars and your heart immediately ached for him.

“They are siphons,” he explained to your silent question but stiffened when you placed your hand over his and ran a thumb over his scars. 

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered, admiring how the kind male beside you had turned out that way despite the obvious trauma that he went through before giving him a soft smile. “Oh, your siphons are too.”

He smiled brightly, the sight taking your breath away in the process. You couldn’t help but return it before he placed a hand on your lower back and guided you further into the city. Amazement of the sights sent your heart fluttering and then it warmed when Azriel let you slip your hand into his. 

**

Azriel couldn’t keep his disbelief hidden from himself when it was obvious to see that you deeply enjoyed his company. It seemed that you always found a way to gravitate towards him and a piece of him wondered if it was the unknown mating bond or if you were truly that attention starved. He always silently observed every interaction possible between you and your sisters but each one was short lived. It hurt his own heart for you since he knew what it was like to be shunned by your own family. 

He had a day planned in the city with you when Rhys called him away to help Cassian retrieve Feyre. Even though you knew nothing, you were genuinely understanding and it only made him love you more for it. His heart only hurt worse when they returned with Feyre and you were barely acknowledged. He bristled when you glanced at his High Lord with a hint of fear radiating off of you. When tears lined your eyes, he couldn’t stop himself from pulling you into an empty hallway to pull you into his arms.

You melted in his embrace and silently cried for less than a handful of minutes before pulling away and wiping your eyes. If he hadn’t needed to watch Lucien, he would have taken you right then and there out to the city in hopes of lightening your mood and bringing the smile back to your face that he desperately wanted to see.

“My favorite human holiday is coming up next week,” you muttered before leaning against the wall behind you. “I wonder if they’ll celebrate it with me.”

“I would be more than happy to help with anything that you need,” he replied quietly before his heart clenched at the sight of your small smile. 

The day before the holiday, he had followed you into the city to get all of the decorations that you needed. Between the shopping that he usually didn’t enjoy doing and helping you set everything up the next morning, he was happier than he had been in a long time. Any amount of time that he got with you was highly cherished and it always seemed that you felt the same. His heart dropped at your frown when his brothers and Feyre returned. The slight scent of your fear again had him bristling but forced himself to keep his face unreadable as he watched.

“I thought that we could actually celebrate now,” you said hopefully to the High Lady. “Maybe make things feel a little more like home in a way.”

“We didn’t want to do your holiday back then and we really don’t now.”

Nesta’s words when she entered the dining room had him glaring at her when tears filled your eyes. He nearly growled in his protective nature at the sight of your oldest sister who wasn’t phased by the sight that always had his stomach turning. She left with a scoff and roll of her eyes before disappearing again. It wasn’t until Feyre gave you a half hearted apologetic smile and disappeared after Nesta did you finally run to your room.

A glare at his High Lord who knew about the bond only had him seeing red when Rhysand simply shrugged and followed after his own mate.

**

Your time with Azriel became less and less the closer that the war came. Despite taking Cassian up on his offer to train, you weren’t anywhere near close to trying to go up against the simplest of opponents. Azriel always appeared proud that you had agreed to learn to defend yourself if need be. There was always an emotion in his eyes that you could never place when your eyes met but what you did know was that you were falling in love with him. 

Even though you were worried about Elain when she was kidnapped, you couldn’t stop the hurt that hit you when you saw her in his arms. Your relief for your sister’s safety quickly changed into horror when you saw the injuries that he had received. You followed behind him quietly and stayed out of the way while he was tended to by Thesan. He would lock eyes with you every so often and give you a reassuring smile that had a tug in your heart pulling towards him.

Azriel stayed with you in your tent that night but even him holding you close against him did nothing to help you sleep. Your worry and fear ate at you about the war that would be taking place kept your heart and mind racing. Standing at the edge of the battlefield with Feyre’s new family and your sisters did nothing but refuel your terror. Hurt coursed through you to see the male that you had fallen in love with hand his dagger to Elain. You knew that you wouldn’t be anywhere near the fight as instructed.

“We will get through this,” Azriel whispered in a low voice that only you could hear when he returned to your side.

You gave a short hum in agreement but stepped away from him as heartbreak continued to swirl within you. With the shortest glance at the shadowsinger, you saw confusion and something akin to hurt on his face before he faced the battle beginning ahead of them. All that you could do was watch with tears streaming down your face and your own sobs escaping you when Feyre's pained screaming met you when it was all over.

You already knew what had happened and since you were all alone, you let yourself fall apart in the place that you had been left at and let yourself grieve for your sister. There was absolutely nothing that you could do to help anyone or anything but you had become used to it at this point in your life. Since there weren’t any other options for you, you disappeared into your tent, continuing to cry. You weren’t sure how much time had gone by before you heard the tent flaps move to find Feyre looking at you with tear-filled eyes.

“I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered as she began to cry and the pain in her eyes and on her face had your heart dropping. “Father- He-”

You already knew what she meant since you had seen his ships and you simply turned your back to her. A soft, pained sigh left your sister before she reluctantly left and your heart hurt even more at the fact that you didn’t know anything at all. You had truly been forgotten by everyone. All that you wanted was to be alone to try to sort through your emotions. It was already hard enough with the struggle that you were having with adjusting to your new life as High Fae but this added pain was too much.

Once you were finally able to return home, you secluded yourself into a room in the townhouse while everyone else gathered around. You wanted nothing to do with any of them but you were stuck in the court that you didn’t want to be in. Time passed in a blur and you even refused to be around Azriel despite his pained features when you told him to go away. The comfort that you had once felt around him had dissipated when you noticed his visible worry for Elain. You couldn’t blame him  because your sister had always been the most beautiful and you would choose her over you any day.

“You’re doing what now?” you asked one afternoon when Feyre cornered you when you were finished eating, silent as you always were.

“Starfall is tomorrow and we need to get you a dress,” Feyre answered, speaking as if it was obvious.

“What is ‘Starfall?’”

“A Fae tradi-”

“So you’ll celebrate the things that the Fae do but you never bothered when I planned anything?” you snapped hatefully.

Feyre simply frowned before sighing and leaving your room. You sat brooding on your balcony, enjoying the light breeze blowing past you, wondering how things had turned out how it had. Being in Fae territory became even more unbearable by the day and you were beginning to not care if humans didn’t like your kind, half heartedly planning a return to the human lands. Before you could get into your thoughts much further, someone landed on the balcony beside you. Not just anyone, but the one in the group that truly scared you.

“I hear you’re opposed to Fae holidays,” Rhys began nonchalantly. “Why-”

“I’m not participating in your stupid traditions,” you snapped, taking steps back when he took enough steps forward and had you cornered with nowhere to go.

“And why, Y/N, do you refuse?”

“Because I don’t want to!” you yelled despite the fear that you knew he could sense.

“This is what you’re going to do.” He placed a hand on the railing on each side of you, hovering too close for comfort with a stern but angry expression. “You will be there tomorrow whether you like it or not. I will not have you ruining this night for Feyre. You will not like the repercussions if you upset her on her favorite holiday.”

With that, he left you there while you shook from the fear that you had just been left in.

**

Azriel had never imagined how much it would hurt to be pushed away by his own mate. You wouldn’t talk to him or even make eye contact. It was very obvious to everyone that you were miserable and he noted that depression had fully taken over you even and you always failed to conceal it when you tried. Every attempt that he made was always quickly shut down or simply ignored.

The night of Starfall, he barely saw you. You stood by yourself, refusing to speak to anyone that tried to engage in conversation with you by a half hearted smile. When he noticed that you disappeared, he followed your scent down the hall towards your room where he knew that you would be. His knock went unanswered but he let himself in anyway since the door wasn’t locked. He noted that your room was half decorated with the human holiday that you loved while you stood against the balcony in a simple dress that replaced your previous one.

“Are you alright?” he asked hesitantly, bracing himself to be told to leave.

“No.” Your answer was short and clipped but you didn’t bother to look at him as you continued to watch the sight of Starfall. “No, I’m not.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Why am I being forced to participate in something that I don’t want to be a part of?” you asked and he heard the anger beginning to fill your tone. “They were never a part of the one simple holiday that I tried to get them to enjoy. All that I wanted was to spread some joy in the crappy situation that we were in and even now, they still refuse to acknowledge it.”

“You didn’t have to join if you didn’t want to,” he assured gently, placing a hand over yours.

“Yes, I did,” you scoffed, causing him to raise an eyebrow in silent question. “Your oh so wonderful High Lord insisted. As a matter of fact, he threatened repercussions if I messed up wonderful Feyre’s favorite Fae tradition. I was forced to become a High Fae and now I’m being forced into traditions that I now want no part of.”

“Rhys did what?” he asked, his voice low with anger that was directed towards his brother.

“It doesn’t even matter anymore.” You went silent for only a moment before anger began to roll off of you. “You know what? It does matter. I will not allow them to walk all over me anymore.”

Azriel followed you in a hurry, hoping to do damage control when it was needed. All eyes fell on you when you stormed directly into the party. As if sensing your anger, Feyre’s eyes immediately locked onto yours. When you got too close, Rhysand gave him a stern glare in silent warning so he caught you around the waist to keep you in one spot.

“You are a shitty sister!” you snapped loudly, turning all eyes on you.

“What-”

“Oh, no. You don’t get to talk or ask questions.” He kept you in place despite your struggling as Elain moved beside the High Lady. “Both you have done nothing but shove me to the very back of your minds! Left me on the back burner! You didn’t even bother telling me that our father was dead until everyone was settled comfortably back in the camp!”

“We’re really sorry, Y/N-”

“You’re just as bad!” His arm tightened around you, pulling your back to his front when you began shaking in anger. “All that all of you have done was forget about me! None of your little ‘family’ even knew I existed! And even though you always disregarded my holiday that was always meant to lighten our troubles, your precious High Lord threatened me to participate in your stupid Fae traditions!”

Azriel’s eyes went wide with all of the information that you had just unleashed for everyone to hear. Even though everyone was staring at the confrontation with gaping mouths, he kept his attention on Rhysand who was trying to keep his power in check from his anger due to his own mate’s tears.

“Get your mate out of my city, Azriel,” Rhys ordered, the secret now revealed causing you to stiffen.

“What the hell is he talking about?” you asked, jerking out of his grip and shoving him harshly in the chest.

“I wanted to tell you but with everythi-”

“Oh no,” you chuckled darkly, tears now flowing freely down your face. “Yet another Fae tradition that I just have to deal with.”

“You don’t have to,” Azriel tried, desperation filling him just as much as his anger at his High Lord. “You-”

“Get away from me,” you snapped, backing away from him towards the door to the steps. “I’ll take care of myself just like I always have.”

With that, you darted for the door while he was left standing there in shock before the heartache took over him.

@amara-moonlight @allygrace74 @sidthedollface2 @historygeekqueen 

@hnyclover @kalulakunundrum @historygeekqueen @bubybubsters @thisblogisaboutabook @mybestfriendmademejoin

[weepingtalecowboy]

Considering what Batman did in Gotham war with Jason

A fanfic exploring how everyone (especially Jason) of his children starts genuinely fearing him

Because it is canon that there are more situations where he hit and beat Richard then there are off him hugging him in the comics

He did his hardest to push Tim away he literally tried to kill Jason and then he just mentally broke him because he thought that it was the only way to make him stop being a criminal

He was straight up unsupportive towards Damian and even though he knows that Damian has no idea what a normal life is and how he isn’t allowed to kill anybody because he genuinely has no idea how to navigate society but instead of therapy he just gets berated for something he doesn’t fully understand (and while I don’t excuse his behavior or actions if he was given help like even Richard himself was enough to somewhat help him out at how to actually do things without violence a therapist could probably do much more for him but Richard already shows that just basic support was good enough for a start)

Like considering how he maybe loves them but his own mental health is so bad that the constantly hurts everyone around him

He should not even be near them if he truly loves anyone of them (except if he got psychological treatment and even then he should for the love and happiness of his kids just stay as far away as physically possible)

Batman is a mess and not equipped to raise children let alone vigilantes

he himself isn’t copping well enough to help anyone he is emotionally unstable and has lots of issues but he at least has a nanny who will take care of him when he is neglecting himself but Alfred can’t do everything for everyone and Bruce himself can’t help his family and later Alfred dies anyway making Bruce's kids dependent on him

But Bruce has no idea how to do anything for them (it is not in his range of abilities to play an actual parental role that doesn’t just mean give the kid a home over their head and food)

And while I love his character a lot over the years he is losing his path of justice more and more there are more situations of genuine concern then ever before

It just makes him seem so much more human than ever before

Because no human can live a live of vigilantism without getting more mentally ill over their whole career

After all the military discharges soldiers who are unfit for duty because of mental or physical limitations and problems

It is for their own sake but Bruce wants to fight that fight for as long as he lives

And he is dragging in more and more innocent children into his war against crime

At some point it will be to much like how Jason was killed then brought back wrong

Or Richard snapping and beating him for what he did to his brother who will never be able to fully recover from something that traumatic

Tim already knows that without robin Batman will become a monster even without crossing the line of killing

And then did everything physically possible to stop him from his self destruction

But Batman is made to self destruct there is no way he won’t break at some point (seeing as he already is breaking apart and in Batman beyond he is totally and utterly alone till Terry joins in

A fanfic exploring what would have happened if he was hurt by Nightwing after what he did to Jason is an interesting opportunity to explore

But because at the end of the day everyone knows that Batman is needed they are forced to let him live but they also know that he will actually truly snap if they are not there for him

So everyone starts living at the mansion and in fear of angering him (because there is no Alfred anymore to stop him)

They do everything to keep Jason away from him but they can’t move away anymore because Bruce disapproves at it

And Richard forces himself to interact as much as possible with him so that he focuses on him instead of his younger siblings

But the most important thing is to make sure that he doesn’t find out about their fear of him because they all know that this will make him truly upset (and by now they will never try to even play with fire anymore)

But also he is forced to raise everyone by himself

Has to make sure that Jason feels comfortable enough not to feel adrenaline because that is another problem altogether (which is hard when he immediately starts crying when being in the same room as Bruce)

Has to shield everyone from Bruce because nobody feels safe anymore

And on top of that make food and do chores (as the only good enough cook in the family and Jason no longer being able to do so) and teach the others how to do their chores despite them all being disasters at it (because no Alfred anymore)

And to somehow make it even worse he has to somehow convince Bruce to take care of himself while also trying to not make him any more upset

Then after a few years into that dynamic Bruce and past Bruce swap bodies

And while the whole league of the past and the past Batman immediately think future Bruce is an imposter because he behaves differently from how Batman would they simply tie him up beat him up

Past Bruce is surprised that everyone is at home and speaking to him and just assumes that it’s a good week but quickly realizes that something is wrong like how his entire family is going out of his way except for Dick how he seems extremely nervous about everything he says

How everyone is doing their best to keep Jason away from him

Main While the whole family assume he is having a good week and under no circumstances should they ever try to upset him in any way which is hard when he is constantly seeking them out and asking about Jason

By the point he realized what happens

He proceeds to go and beat up his future self and get therapy because he absolutely hates how everyone is afraid of him

That is not how Batman should ever be seen Batman is a sign of hope for the city not a monster hell bend on hurting criminals

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Pretty like the sun

Previous chapter / Next chapter

a/n the follow up chapter AND This is pretty like the wind series spin offs. This can be read as standalone all you need to know is that Azriel has two adoptive kids with OC - Zofie and Axel. Future stories related to them might include stories specifically decided to Azriel hence why I am taging it as Azriel story too. Don't come at me please. ✨

warning: none? A bit of fighting, blood.

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Zofie's pov:

She had been beaming all morning. Not only had it been the best sleep of her life, but there was something so surreal about waking up in the arms of a man you had the biggest crush on. There was a moment when Zofie was sure that it was her sleepy brain playing a trick on her. That Nyx wasn't there with her. They weren't actually in the same situation. Limbs tangled. But Nyx's arms, which had quite a firm hold on her hips, felt all too real. His breathing did, too. So did his messy hair and slightly pouty lips.

How did one look so adorable in their sleep? Mother, he would be a frowning mess if she called him cute. But he was, and Zofie had to try really hard to suppress the giddy excitement that bubbled in her chest. Nuzzling back into the crook of Nyx's neck, she breathed in his scent. Feeling her body melt into it. Oh, how she missed him when he was away. How oddly lonely she felt. Truth be told, Zofie didn't have many friends. A couple of younger priestesses that Gwyn was teaching, yes, but they practically never talked. So... not friends. But Nyx had always been so keen on getting her attention. She was weary of him at first. He was the most talkative kid she had ever seen. But then Zofie only had a handful of traumatized sanctuary toddlers to compare him to. His bubbly side chipped away with the years, though. More often than not, the smile that was plastered on Nyx's face was nowhere near the smile he used to give her when they were younger.

"You're the cuddliest person I've come across in my entire life," Nyx grumbled, opening one eye to look at her. "So, if I pulled away now..." Zofie muttered, but Nyx's grip on her tightened immediately, "Don't you even think about it?" His morning voice was raspy and, oh, so delicious. "Got you," Zofie breathed out, shaking her head. He never denied her touch. She could watch him roll his eyes at Feyre kissing his cheek, but the next minute he would be right next to Zofie, his fingers subtly reaching for her as their palms brushed against one another.

"Do you think if I don't open my eyes, we can pretend that we don't have to go back?" Nyx muttered, and Zofie could sense the dread in his tone. "Your mom probably misses you a lot," she said softly. "Cause Ma always cries when Axel comes home, so I'm sure the high lady would..." "Don't." Nyx's whole body stiffened. Zofie frowned as specks of red fell onto the sheets. He was mad. Or frustrated, at least. "Did something happen?" Her voice grew weary, and Nyx's face grew ashamed. Hands pulling the girl back to his chest, "Promise it's nothing; I'm sorry, just tired," he breathed out. She didn't say anything after that. Letting the silence stretch over them both.

"My... The high lords are hosting a ball", and Nyx sounded as if this was the most dreadful thing he had to make himself think about once again. Zofie quickly cut in, "You don't want to go?". Nyx huffed, "Something like that." She never really understood if the high lords of the night court enjoyed the festivities themselves. Rhys, Nyx's dad, was a charmer, always quick to tell a joke. His grin never failed at balls and parties. But Zofie had caught him once. Head in hands. Messy hair. Wrinkled shirt. It was such a difference compared to that beaming smile she had seen on her high lord's face only moments ago. "Well, Axel and I will probably be there if our parents are going," Zofie breathed out, hoping to ease some of the tension, but Nyx simply shook his head. "I have a feeling it's the lordship shit," the heir growled before explaining even further, "Preppy parents in desperate need to marry off their children to form bonds between courts."

And here it was. This was the thing Nyx hated with a burning passion. All he wanted was to be normal. A young man still so full of life not some crystal gem for everyone to drool over. He cringed and frowned at all the titles people threw his way. And Zofie... Zofie hated every single female who felt entitled to come and touch him, pull at his hands, and rub at him like cats in heat. "Oh, Nyx," she breathed, her fingers carefully brushing through his hair. His fingers grazed her wrist tenderly. "Everyone is making such a big fuss over it too," he admitted as Zofie nodded in agreement. No wonder he was stressed. Especially if he was also to be left alone. Only with nobility to keep him company all night long.

"Bitch your way through it," Zofie muttered, and Nyx let out the most genuine chuckles she had heard in a while. But it had also died down as quickly as it started, "Will you tell me why you were by the river last night?" Zofie knew this was coming. Nyx had a hard time letting go of the topics he wanted to discuss. And he had been more than clear that he was going to get the answer out of her about this. So fighting this...

"I have a sister," Zofie breathed, her eyes falling to the crisp white sheets on the bed. Nyx shifted slightly, his hand dipping beneath the blanket to run soothingly up her thigh, "I hear a sad note in that," he muttered. And Zofie hated that. She hated that she was still upset over something she genuinely wanted. She didn't care much about having to share her parents' attention for a while. It was everything else that ticked her off. "She's perfect", Zofie let out a deep sigh, "Has wings, no flaws. She's perfectly Azriel's". Her voice died down, overpowered by the growl Nyx had let out. "Has that asshole?", "No, no, I just... it's me," Zofie shook her head, "I felt... irrelevant.".

The room fell silent. She watched as Nyx blinked a couple of times, letting her words sink in, "Don't you talk shit like that about yourself?" His voice had an edge to it. A powerful force. "But it's true; I'm Illyrian but have no wings," Zofie muttered, turning to play with her fingers instead. Admitting her fears and insecurities felt humiliating almost. "I'll always be your wings," Nyx's much bigger palm cupped hers, giving it a little squeeze. "What have I done to deserve you, huh?" Zofie chuckled slightly, hoping to mask the sting in her eyes. Nyx crooked his head to the side. Watching her for a moment, "You didn't have to do anything. I'm the one who's lucky that you were born.".

Nyx's pov:

They had laughed through the whole flight back to the city. And the closer they got, the more Nyx dreaded it. He didn't care much about the shit he was going to get from Rhys. But it's the letting go part that pressed against his chest. He knew, for a fact, that if not tonight, then by the next morning they would be ushered back into the camps up the mountain. Yes, he was happy to learn and to earn a rank, but leaving her here felt like a dreadful task. Not to mention that they weren't allowed to write letters while they were up there. Not to mention that Nyx had a whole box of letters he had written for Zofie. Ones he had written while up there. Ones that no one would ever see.

Zofie had asked him to drop her off at the edge of the forest near the house. "Better if you don't just walk in. You know my dad," she said. However, Nyx felt it the minute Zofie's legs hit the snow beneath her. He had barely let go of her when the claws of darkness pulled him back, nearly sending him to his feet. But he expected this. Escaping the spymaster under the protection of his father's wards was one thing. The moment they were on the perimeter of Velaris, well, let's say that was Azriel's hunting territory. And that male always hunted as if he were starving.

Nyx had seen Azriel pissed more than once, but the frown on his face this time was unmatched. And accompanied by the dark circles beneath his eyes. Yeah, he looked as if he was out for blood. "You forgot yours, young man," the spymaster said through gritted teeth as his shadows roped around the princeling's ankles and wrists.

"Dad, that's enough." Zofie stomped through the thick snow, trying to get in between the two of them. Nyx wished she wasn't there. He hated it when she was there to witness their snarls. "You lost all sense of fun, uncle," Nyx said mockingly. His own hands grew dark, seizing the spymaster's dark, as cold gloominess chased all of Azriel's shadows away. "You had no right to take her like that," Azliel bit back; his wings were arched in a warning, but Nyx didn't skip a beat, doing just the same.

"No one took me," Zofie growled with a huff. And it was the way Azriel had turned back to look down at her that broke the last sense of logic within Nyx. It was the way his big frame looked toward her when Azriel snared, "I wasn't speaking to you, young lady," that undid Nyx. "Why?", he asked bitterly, "Because you forgot that she existed? The new child has already taken too much of your time?". It felt as if the whole world had stopped. Even the snowflakes seemed to have seized in their fall. "Nyx..." he said, meeting Zofie's pleading eyes. Saw her shaking her head in disapproval. But he was truly seeing red. No one had a right to make her. Make his sunshine feel small.

"What did you just say?" Azriel frowned, slightly taken back, but his demeanor was still predatory. The princeling only growled back at the shadowsinger. "Nyx for fuck sake," Zofie pleaded, panic raising to her features as she moved closer to her dad in hopes of putting distance between them. But it was for nothing when Nyx muttered, "You heard me loud and clear, spymaster." Nyx managed to spare Zofie one look. One look before his vision was interrupted by black dots as his head was wiped to the side from the impact. Zofie's shriek pierced the silence, rippling over every surface.

Nyx knew that, in a way, he deserved it, so it didn't surprise him. He had been messing with the habitat of fae males. One who had just become a father. One who's instinct to protect was on such high alert. But he had to. Had to stand up for her. "Papa, please," Zofie pleaded. Nyx wiped the warm liquid trickling down the side of his lip. Oh, he was not going to go down without a fight. "Please, let's just go home. Please, I'm sorry". Her tiny hands were grasping at Azriel's hands, trying to pull him back. "Don't you apologize for him," Nyx snarled, but Zofie's firey eyes met his as she muttered, "Shut up." Only now did Nyx notice the tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. Only now did he see the quiver in her chin.

"Zof," Nyx breathed out, but the girl had simply turned her back on him. "Come on, papa, please," she pleaded once more, and this time it was enough to get Azriel's attention. His chest was still heavy as he breathed through his anger. "If I ever catch you doing anything like this," Azriel snarled, stepping forward to look at Nyx, but Zofie pushed back, putting all of her weight against her dad. "Consider yourself fucking lucky." Azriel flapped his wings a couple of times before reaching for Zofie's hand, tugging her alongside him as the shadows swallowed them both.

Your pov:

Quite frankly, you knew something was wrong from the moment you looked up to see Zofie's pale face when Novie was born. And deep down, you knew that this insecurity that was quite clearly blooming right in front of you was inevitable. You just didn't know it would take a turn like that. Zofie had always been good about voicing her discomfort, and you had always encouraged her to speak her mind, but it seemed as if your love had been lost in the shuffle of it all.

You knocked on her bedroom door gently. It's been a couple of hours since she and Azriel got back home. Your mate, mostly thanks to his lack of sleep, assumed that you both hadn't noticed your girl not being home and, and then hadn't felt them coming home. It was the stench of anger that was dripping from Azriel that was enough to let you know that a fight must have happened. And this sort of frustration as of lately was only brought on by one person.

Without getting an answer, you just let yourself in after a while. Zofie was curled up in a ball, and the blanket Azriel had knitted for her was tightly wrapped around her. That fact must have slipped her mind, considering the fight the two have been in. Sitting down on the very edge, you let your fingers gently brush through Zofie's dark waves.

"Sweetness, why don't you eat up? It's lunchtime", you said gently, nodding towards the plate of warm food you had brought up for her. She simply shook her head, turning away from your touch. A sharp ache pierced your heart. If your children were hurting, so were you. You climbed into the bed, nudging her slightly as you moved to wrap your arms around the girl. Let her be the little spoon.

Zofie laid as still as a statue for a moment before her arms snaked around yours. "Now he will never love me again," Zofie's voice was barely a whisper, but you still managed to hear her perfectly well. "Who, baby?" you asked, running your fingers up and down her arm. She stilled for a moment before looking up to catch your gaze and saying, "Papa." A breath hitched in your throat. "Lovie," you muttered.

Zofie quickly shuffled, sitting up. "First, I don't have wings; now he thinks I'm sneaking behind his back with Nyx," she blurted out in a rush, "And I'm not, I promise." She caught your arm, shaking it slightly. You cupped her face softly and said, "There is nothing wrong with you falling in love." Her face scrunched up so hard that you almost had to laugh. "I'm not in love. I'm not", she stated. "Okay, okay," you muttered, tapping her cheek playfully.

"And Azriel loves you, Zo." Your tone was much firmer now. You understood the fears. Mother, even you still had them. Wondering why? Why had Azriel chosen you, and what did he see in you? So for a teenager to have emotions like that, "He had loved you from the moment he saw you," you added.

Zofie bit her lip as if contemplating her next words for a moment, "But his yellow is fading", she admitted. Her colors. She found comfort in them, but good things usually come with baggage. Understanding the amount of emotion there was still a hard task. "That doesn't mean he stopped loving you. Maybe the color is evolving. Shifting into something different", you said softly. You made a mental note to ask her tutor to find her a book about the colors of emotions to read. Well, one that she hadn't already devoured.

"Hate," those silent words, made your mind halt. You shook your head. "Love has different forms; you'll learn that along the way," You reached up to carefully take her necklace between your fingers. "Papa is on edge right now because a lot of things are changing. He's sensitive because he's lost so much already. Losing all of us would break him without repair." It felt like a lot to unload on her, but she had to see that Azriel's love hadn't just faltered or disappeared because of Novie. Thinking like wings, no wings, scars on no, even the blood bond didn't matter to Azriel. Zofie pinched her eyebrows. "Is he home?", she breathed, "I need to...", "He's out on his broody walk, but I'm sure he'll be back soon," you said softly, reaching for the plate and handing it to her. She was desperate to make sure that she had at least some food in her stomach.

Nyx pov:

He had lost track of how long he had been flying. Nor did he know where he was going, but regardless of his endless attempts to escape it, Nyx knew that he would have to go home eventually. A part of him hoped that Rhys wouldn't have been able to sniff this one out, but then Nyx had lost track of his uncle fairly early on. So Azriel could have already been stomping his foot in his father's office.

"Purple truly suits you." As if on cue, Rhys's voice rang out. He was seated in front of a fireplace. A drink in hand. His usual black button-up shirt hugged his skin. Nyx didn't hate his father. He hated the high-lord aspect of him. Yes, he was different from most. Mother, spare anyone from a father like Beron, but... he still valued his position a bit too much at times. Nyx simply shook his head, shifting to move toward the back patio, but his father's voice stopped him, "I don't remember letting you walk away.".

Nyx let out a bitter chuckle, "Oh, so now I am to obey you too, like a servant?" It was bitter; he knew it. But Nyx just wasn't in the mood—wasn't in the mood to deal with any of this right now. "You're my son," Rhys stated firmly, his purple eyes gleaming. "Doesn't that just suit your story?" Nyx barked back, matching his father's glare. "Nyx," Rhys said in a warning tone, but the princeling was already walking. "I'll be with Mom," he breathed over his shoulder.

The wind that hit his face as he stepped outside soothed his heated cheeks. He always loved the walk towards his mother's gallery. It had always been his favorite time of the day when the two of them would go there. Gods, did he need to clear his head. Anything. Everything. All he could think of was her. Yet... two hands clasped his shoulders, making Nyx quickly spin back, putting whoever was behind him in a chokehold.

"Well, dang, you're on edge, my man," a familiar voice rasped out, and Nyx instantly let go, pushing the figure forward. "What the hell are you doing here?", he whispered. Axel simply smirked before shrugging, even if his eyes lingered on the library door for a bit too long. "I came to see how my dad painted your face," Axel chuckled, "Pretty." Nyx simply flipped his friends off and said, "Fuck off." Yet the corners of his lips did twitch slightly. Axel always had that effect on him. It was hard to not smile around him.

"She's okay," Axel muttered, making Nyx's eyes snap up at him. Yet he refused to give in to it. "I don't care," he said simply. Axel raised one eyebrow at his friend, tilting his head to the side, and, "Right, so you wouldn't care if I told you that mom got her to eat, and she's much calmer now." Nyx's shoulders eased a bit. Eased almost immediately. A calmness like no other washed over him as he nodded in agreement.

"She asked about you." Now these words struck a chord with Nyx, and his big eyes were instantly searching for Axel. "Did she?", Nyx breathed out desperately. Axel simply chuckled, slowly shaking his head, "No, but I love proving a point." Nyx let out a growl, "I'm so kicking your ass on the sparring mat." But he couldn't help but smile now. Because Axel knew him. And in a way, this was his silent way of approving. Or at least not stepping between him and Zofie.

But Axel's eyes lingered behind his friend, and Nyx's eyes instantly followed suit. Only he caught sight of white robes slipping back inside the library. Nyx instantly turned back to face Axel. "What was that?", he questioned. Axel blinked a couple of times, "What was what?". Oh, but Nyx wasn't stupid. "That look," he muttered, motioning his hand towards Axel's face, "Are you fucking a prestress?" Axel frowned at the question instantly, his eyes finally moving to gaze at his friend, "What the hell, man, wash your mouth." Nyx chuckled slightly, but he knew deep down that the moment they were going to be better on the camp walls, he was going to get his answers one by one. Now all he needed was his sun. His Sunny and for some reason risking a black eye didn't seem that big of a sacrifice.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Taglist: @sirenpearldust @historygeekqueen @hnyclover @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @naturakaashi @stressed-reader @woodland-mist @goldenmagnolias @nocasdatsgay

[aroacecaduceus]

Calliope Clay is Moana if Moana had failed.

She’s the character of all time, honestly. At least, the character of all time who’s only in three episodes.

Bc her story is 100% Moana up until a certain point, y’know? Not saying that as a bad thing I think the story of Moana is a pretty decent and interesting hero’s journey. Imagine, you spend your entire life in one place and you’re not allowed to leave. Because everything around you is dangerous (savelirwood, shady creek run, the ocean) and your home is this one safe haven (the grove, the island) and the adults around you all know this, and they want to protect you from it.

But you want to go. You’ve got wanderlust. You appreciate your home, but you want to see what’s out there.

And then a sickness starts to seep into your home. Everything starts dying. Everything you care about (the people in your village, the temple to your goddess) is in jeopardy. And the only way to fix it is to leave. The deity (the ocean, the wild mother) has expressly told you so.

It’s a terrible situation, but it’s also somehow the best of both worlds. You leave home to save home. You’re committed to your home and family but also get to go out and see the world you’ve always wanted to see.

But then the stories split. Moana learns to sail, she saves her people, she faces adversity and wins. She then gets to travel the world all the time!

Meanwhile Calliope. She is facing a three step plan: residuum, forge, menagerie. And on the third step, she faces something she could not have, under any circumstances, defeated. She was set up for failure. That thing had legendary actions. She was one firbolg— at best level 8 or 9, but probably more like level 5 or 6.

Maybe the Wild Mother tried to warn her, when the bull showed up and petrified her mother and aunt. But a goddess that speaks to her followers in the turn of the wind? I’m assuming you have to be listening. And I don’t think Calliope would have been listening for anything but a green light.

She fails, and she’s stuck there for 10-8 years. And then her younger (now older) brother, who never wanted to leave the grove at all, who was the one chosen to stay, rescues you. And then! He tells you he’s not done exploring the world bc as it turns out it’s pretty cool! So you go home. And your younger (older) brother spends another year-ish out saving the world.

Like honestly what a tragic character. The story of Moana is pretty basic— classic hero’s journey. But I’ve never seen a Moana story arc where it ends in epic failure where the person didn’t die. You know, I’ve seen the skeletons that the hero has to pass on the way to fight the final boss, but we never really learn their story. But Calliope? She was the main character. She was the hero. And she failed. And her little brother— the side character— got her story. And she can’t even be envious of Caduceus because holy shit he’s traumatized now. But does that mean she has to pretend to be grateful??

Anyway could we have some sort of Calliope Clay content?? Could someone play Calliope Clay in campaign 4? Will never recover from the tragedy that she was only in three episodes.

[ateez-himari]

PRAY : HIDDEN FOOTAGE

A more private aspect of the relationship between the industry's producing sibling duo as camera follows them behind the scenes.

June 26, 2024 (6:30PM)

CONTENT WARNING: This article contains mentions of parental loss following a car collision, discussions of mental health, allusions to suicidal tendencies and talk of an unhealthy childhood. Please read at your own discretion.

To celebrate the one year anniversary of an emotional collaboration that also served as the very first solo release of a talented vocalist, BANGTANTV in partnership with KQ ENTERTAINMENT uploaded a two part documentary showcasing the process behind the single 'Pray' by Agust D and Himari. Throughout the years people have come to build these siblings an untouchable reputation through the title 'Hands of Midas', in reference to their incredible musical genius, so it was only natural for netizens to be interested in their work behind the scenes. However, it seems as though they received much more than they had bargained for when heartbreaking stories of the past were recalled by the artists to explain the mindset of each track.

In order to help viewers understand why the pair resemble each other in such a striking manner despite being linked legally rather than through blood, a short rundown of their history was given in the first few minutes. Prior to the tragic accident both families were very close friends and due to this bond the rapper has been in his younger sister's life since her birth, later playing a huge role in raising her following the adoption. While their parents were not detached from their lives, they did work a lot, and with the eldest living his own life it was left to the remaining brothers to take care of her. The girl's biological sibling however was dealing with a lot of physical as well as mental difficulties at the time, which meant that he was in no state to carry out such a huge responsibility.

'I was left with a lot of injuries from the accident so I couldn't move much at the time, and the grief put me in a really dark situation. Because she was still very young she couldn't deal with it properly and was always happy instead...so I couldn't find a way to approach her to take care of her.' Hanzo said in an interview with Cosmopolitan Korea

This paved the way into the conversation that took place while each wrote their respective verses in the side track 'Snooze', and here is what we now know. The middle brother took ever chance available to come home to her, yet these moments were unfortunately few and far between, leaving the family's youngest with no other option than to grow up quickly in order to adjust to an independent lifestyle in the midst of grief. In the refrain along with the first verse Agust D talks about acknowledging life's hardships, some originating from the music industry, all the while reassuring whoever is listening that it is alright to show weakness and lean on somebody.

'They're [the lyrics] what I would have wanted to tell you back then but looking at them makes me realize how much I missed.' Yoongi admitted. 'I regret it a lot you know, seeing that the more I came home, the quicker you seemed to grow up. You saw a lot of things because of me, all of them I wish to take back.'

The last piece of this statement was lightly touched upon in later footage, revealing that the young woman was made to take care of her brother rather often due to him being stuck in a very dark place at the time, leaving him too mentally distant to raise her, with certain anecdotes suggesting she might have been witness to events that were traumatizing for a mere child. While no speculations will be made on this very delicate matter, it is clear that something much deeper has bonded these siblings together, as the man who very rarely cries on camera could be seen tearing up holding his sister.

'When I listened to The Last, I remember throwing up afterwards.' Himari recalled. 'The emotions were just too much and I think it was my body's way of dealing with them, since I never truly got closure. I was terrified back then, having to pull you out this often, but I don't blame you for it. If anything I feel relieved that someone was there at the time, even if it had to be me.'

With the discussion that followed being extremely personal we have decided not to summarize it, so for those who wish to listen, it can be found at the 25 minute mark in the first part of the documentary which can be found on BANGTANTV. We advise viewers to watch at their own discretion as it contains mentions of attempted suicide and deep childhood trauma, as well as heavy mental distress. What can be said in short however is that we now understand why the maknae tends to act childishly, as there was never truly a time in the two year period preceding training that she had the opportunity to live as one.

While devastating aspects of their past were unraveled, most pieces of footage filmed on personal cameras managed to heal viewers' hearts as they showed their healed relationship, from playing around while creating to going out to cafes or PC bangs. Multiple instances of the young woman falling asleep on the couch in her brother's studio have been reposted on social media, as it led to the rapper caring for her as one would a child, demonstrating the amount of attentiveness he holds towards her.

'I raised her, so there's something more in how I see her.' He said in episode 20 of Suchwita [with Taemin] 'It's not a parental link or anything...but it feels like it sometimes.'

This nearly fatherly care for his sister was demonstrated through an anecdote in which her difficulties navigating the music industry with a near deaf ear were talked about, leading viewers to learn that due to the family's low financial status they were unable to afford a hearing aid for their youngest, seeing as they already had to pay the hospital fees. The girl being fully aware of their predicament had never mentioned need for it, yet Yoongi rapidly caught on to the struggles this new impairment brought into her daily life, such as extreme fatigue along with splitting headaches and so he set aside money following every paycheck earned during his delivery job.

'The song that fits us the most...' Himari pondered over the question asked in a solo segment. 'Maybe Mockingbird by Eminem, my brother used to play it a lot at home. There's a lot of regrets in the song, a lot of promises about protection and sacrifices just to make her [his daughter] life better. It was the same with us in a sense...I guess a good example is that back then he needed money but he saved so much just to buy me a hearing aid.'

That is not to say the youngest does not care for her brother to the same extent, as she would reassure the older artist by holding his hands when he talked about something especially painful, even wiping fallen tears whilst talking about how great a man he is. Food ordered for him would very quickly fill the studio and although claiming to have eaten well, the rapper finished every single dish, even accepting the soft pink blankets draped over him when producing sessions lasted into late at night. While not providing the same way as he had during their childhood, the vocalist shows her care through small actions that prove the amount of attention truly on him at all times.

Their heavy history is easily discernable from the way these artists embrace one another, as there never seems to have been a singular loose hug, never a moment where they did not treasure the simple fact of each other's presence. Although the rapper usually rejects skinship in front of cameras, he could be seen seeking it out throughout the documentary, always asking for a small kiss on the cheek whenever the youngest arrived or left. Sharp eyed netizens also noticed how the senior fidgeted with his rings when listening to the vulnerable lyrics written by his sister, while she on the other hand tended to zone out as if attempting to repress certain emotions.

Peace can be found through these pieces of media as the siblings have stated that despite these setbacks they have managed to find their own balance, and are now going about life with fresh scars rather than carrying old wounds. Strangely enough, having these many instances of them laughing with one another, both fandoms noticed that their smiles are practically identical which had led to sweet speculations about fate meaning for them to be one another's healing.

National Soccer Team Captain, Min Hanzo, made several appearances

With the relationship between the vocalist and her biological brother being kept away from the spotlight, it has left many wondering about whether they were truly close or if something was brewing behind closed doors that neither wished to address. This worry was however rapidly dismissed, as several videos of them inserted throughout this documentary reassured fans that the siblings' bond is even stronger than they had claimed it to be. While every single piece of footage was heart warming enough to spark conversations it was not what caught the attention of sharp eyed netizens, but rather a singular clip filmed by the rapper in which they could be seen playing basketball.

The reason behind the influx of speculative threads on the X platform was the fact that their scars from the accident seemed to complete one another's, as where the idol was marked on the right, her brother's much more prominent ones were on the left. The most popular hypothesis is that the older man would have allegedly pulled Himari into his chest in order to protect her from the impact, which seems rather convincing due to the fact that the difference in their injuries' visibility suggests he had suffered the brunt of the impact. Amateur detectives on social media also recalled that the soccer player had made a few references to the aftermath of this tragedy in the past, in which he recalls being impaired to the point of barely being able to move for days while his sister seemed to be relatively healthier.

Making History

While life has not favored these artists in their younger years, their current standing at the top of the industry reflects the diligence in the siblings' work ethic as several pieces of history have been written through their groups despite the incredible amount of challenges they were made to overcome. The senior idols are well recognized for having paved the way for future generations while their juniors are slowly catching up to their achievements, having become the first male group to perform at Coachella and the first k-pop act to grace the stage of Mawazine, the second biggest music festival.

'At times, staying in this career was terrifying.' Himari had said rather hesitantly. 'On more than one occasion I felt like it was the end, like the exhaustion was genuinely going to kill me the second I closed my eyes. So much went on behind the scenes, we would go from one schedule to another without rest and using oxygen masks to avoid fainting became common.'

Much more weight than simply performing rests on their shoulders as both hold the position of producer, alongside several members, which demands that they constantly create new melodies in the midst of their already overwhelming schedules. Their skills have no grounds to be questioned as other well renowned idols have turned to them for their own releases, the most blatant examples being soloist IU with Yoongi and SHINee member Taemin with Himari.

Closing Statement

This documentary was heart wrenching to say the least yet placed much more meaning on the single's tracks with clear connections to dark aspects of their past now being unlocked to the public, serving as a form of closure for these siblings as well. They have truly shown that trauma does not make up the entirety of an individual as both are now known for their intoxicating happiness, giving the audience a valuable lesson about mental health and healing.

REMINDER to keep streaming Golden Hour Part : 1 by ATEEZ and support Jimin's upcoming comeback 'Muse' releasing on July 19 at 1PM (KST) along with 'Type 1' photobook by V releasing on July 9.

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A/N; Please keep in mind that while Yoongi has talked about mental health in the past, this is not an accurate representation of what he has lived as this is purely a work of fiction!

[lildoodlenoodle]

One of the biggest problems and red flags about the whole spider society was having kids be workers for them.

Now I’m not saying the spider society shouldn’t have contacted the younger spiders or even work with them! But the spider society should function as more of a support group and emergency backup type situation for the younger spiders.

There was no reason for Margo, someone who is implied to be like Miles’s age, someone who can’t even drive, to be running an integral part of the society and how they are keeping the multiverse intact. She not only ran it, but if it malfunctioned it was clearly her job and responsibility to fix. When the machine ‘breaks’ and functions while, as far as she’s aware, no one’s in it she’s panicking, even though there would be no real consequences if she just let it run. There was no reason for Gwen, a 16 yr old, to be running around the multiverse alone going on high stakes solo missions(and that’s not even getting into the whole homeless thing). We don’t know yet what Peni’s role is but we have to assume it’s similar in nature and responsibility. That is insane.

Pav is the only one who seems to have a healthy relationship with the society, because he’s not really in it! He doesn’t know the indoctrination canon events yet, we don’t see him going off on solo missions, he gets backup when he needs it and that seems to be it.

For the kids that do know the canon events theory(Margo, Peni, Gwen) I cannot even imagine what must be going through their heads. Who else from their worlds has to die. For Peni, is her last living relative, Uncle Ben, the next person for her to lose? If Gwen returns to her world how long will it take for her dad to die? What other traumatic events have Miguel’s theory dictated will happen to them next? What horrors do they know will happen to them and their loved ones that they aren’t allowed to prevent? Is Gwen destined to die young because she’s the only Gwen we see Alive? And Gwen and Hobie, Pav’s friends, do they know that Gayatri and her dad are both destined to die? Like the mental gymnastics these kids have to go through and the mental torment that goes with it.

And then on top of it, to threaten said teenagers, who you have working for you, with being kicked out and being isolated from the people that are like and understand them is really fucked up. Especially if the threatening is because they are acting like teenagers and not soldiers. If Gwen is sent home, not only is her life put in danger but so is her father’s and they all know it. That is some culty level gaslighting and even grooming. Margo and Peni both are implied to not have good home lives either. The more you think about it the worse it gets honestly, because what goes along with this is we never see any of the adult spiders say anything about this.

Miguel and Jess both saw Gwen’s father, a grown man, try to arrest his daughter with a gun pointed at her. They save her, Jess takes her under wing(and whether they meant to or not) effectively become her guardians. They monitor her with what could essentially be a baby monitor/tracking device. They can control where she can and cannot go. And while understandable to not give a teen access to the entire multiverse they were very much giving her the adult responsibilities of protecting it.

When she does screw up, because she is a child who wants to see her friend, Jessica very flippantly references Miguel sending her home, making me think this is not the first time they’ve had that conversation, which is so worrying. And then they eventually do. They knew exactly what situation they were sending her into and not only did the entire society watch Miguel do it with little protest but didn’t even mention it afterwards. Even if Gwen was a threat they had other options, rather than sending her home, where she could still be safe.

There’s also a lot to say about how Jessica, Peter B., and Miguel handled Miles that speaks more to this pattern of behavior but that’s another post.

In the comics the ‘Spider Society’ got away with this sort of stuff, even having an actual infant just chilling with the group, because the spiders were being hunted. They couldn’t go home or leave the safe space dimension because it wasn’t safe. In the movie that is very much not the case. WHY WERE TEENAGERS WORKING FOR THE SOCIETY!?

[consistantly-changing]

Differing wants and needs in traumatized children and young adults: an analysis on Blitzø and Loona's relationship

I've seen some people hate on Loona for the way she treats Blitzø, which I can understand because she varies from being slightly rude to downright mean to him at times, but I can sort of understand where she's coming from. We don't have a confirmed age for her aside from the fact that she was adopted mere weeks before turning 18 and she's about 5 years younger than Millie, which likely puts her at the age of a young adult.

The way Blitzø treats her is a mix between a young child and a pet dog (note that hellhounds are treated a lot like dogs in-universe, with being kept in "pounds" and mostly used for security purposes). In Spring Broken when Loonie expresses concerns about her makeup, Blitzø responds "aww you look perfect Loonie, as always", and we the audience know he's being sincere, but the tone he uses is more suited for someone a lot younger being consoled by a parent, and that tone could be interpreted as insincere or infantalizing when you're older. Even though Loona does see Blitzø as a father figure (in the way she almost calls him "dad" in Spring Broken, calls him "not her real dad" rather than "not her dad" in that episode, and finally properly calling him dad in episode 8), she might consider the adoption mere weeks before she turned 18 to be slightly infantalizing. It's not confirmed when hellhounds are often adopted but if it mostly happens to youth, Loona might consider herself "too much of an adult" to be adopted (not true, you can be adopted at any age).

In episode 8, she was a lot more calm with him when she requested him to pick her up from the party (admittedly she had harder things going on at the time) and when she had to take them home in the end. Being allowed to go out at night on her own to a party, then having the responsibility of putting him on the couch to sleep likely helped her feel a lot more like the young adult she is

With her hectic upbringing, she's likely desperate to be taken seriously, and Blitzø doesn't do that. She gets along fairly well with Millie in her own teasing way, and Millie treats her like an adult. Moxxie treats her like an equal but she's rude to him, and this could be some kind of projection on her part.

In episode 8 she encounters two catty hellhounds who recognize her and make fun of her, showing she was likely the "runt" in most situations, so growing up she learned that to not be picked on, you need to pick on others. She thinks it's either her or Moxxie on the bottom tier so she's hostile to him in an attempt to "keep her standing" with the group.

Back to Blitzø: her interaction with him in The Full Moon in which she tells him that Stolas likely wanted out of their situationship was one of her... not quite "happier" moments with him, but she did seem less hostile than she often is. I believe that advice comes from personal experience, possibly from the catty hellhounds in which they were giving quiet signals like those that they didn't want to hang out with her anymore, but she didn't pick up on them because she was so excited to have friends, and now she's hypervigilant for any signals that someone doesn't want her around so she can dip before they cut her off. Sound familiar?

I believe it's fairly obvious that Blitzø sees some of himself in Loona, and he's adopted her to try and give her a life she deserves and stop her from becoming exactly like him in the future, and so Blitzø, in seeing a younger version of himself in Loona, gives her what he wanted as a child, unconditional love and protection. He was exploited as a circus performer in front of a crowd who always saw him as second best compared to his more talented companions, and had a father who saw him as a commodity that wasn't as good as his friend, and a mother who did seem to love him but died due to his actions. However Blitzø doesn't realize that they want different things, and Loona wants to be given respect and responsibility. From the way the catty hellhounds looked down on her in episode 8 and the way the pound owner assumed she'd "never amount to anything" in Seeing Stars, and considering that hellhounds appear to be treated as actual dogs in universe, being bought and trained mostly for security and other dog like activities, Loona wants to be taken seriously. To Loona, Blitzø's protectiveness feels overbearing (in Spring Broken where he gets between Loona and Tex) and his compliments feel insincere (see my previous point on him complimenting her makeup).

Do I expect any of this to be addressed? I'm not sure. I hope it is, it would be a good moment of character growth for both Blitzø to learn how his actions still affect the people he cares about, and for Loona to open up about her own issues and insecurities.

[thatcannibalkitty]

hi tumblr!

i genuinely feel really embarrased to be doing this, but i could use some help.

short version:

i’m in a bad situation at home, and need to save up money to move out. i’m 18 in september, but i have almost nothing in savings since i haven’t been able to get a job. anything helps. 🫶🏻

long version:

i have been abused my whole life. because of this, i have several mental and physical illnesses which disable me, and make it hard for me to live. i still live with the people who did this to me, and i need to not anymore. i’m unable to get a job, for several reasons. my disabilities, and also accessibility. i have many young siblings, and our schedule mostly revolves around them. there isn’t much time in the schedule for my mom to take me to work, and i haven’t been able to get my license yet. i have a permit, but i haven’t been able to get the hours in since my parents are always busy. my mom works a lot. my parents are separated, and we spend the week at my mom’s, the weekend at my dad’s. since i’m only at his place for two days, i don’t get much time to get things like driving done. so, my parents can’t take me to work, and i can’t drive myself yet. i don’t have any family or friends who are able to either.

i want to start my life, to get away from it all and begin to heal. not only am i still going through abuse, my mothers house is becoming a safety risk. we have lived there for six years, and it hasn’t been taken care of at all. it’s become moldy, very dirty, and it is falling apart. there are holes in the walls, both from violence and from unfinished projects of my fathers doing. we have two dogs, who have ruined our flooring, and contributed to the house being very dirty. they are large, feisty dogs with a past bad history, which leaves them very traumatized and they “behave poorly” (i don’t think of dogs as bad, just neglected and mistreated :((( ) it’s very hard for me to take the responsibility of the dogs, since i have a lot of physical and mental limits. but i am forced to take care of them because no one else will / can.

i have also been homeschooled my entire life, but that has been more like unschooled. when i was younger, my parents did not know that i had adhd or autism, and so they didn’t understand why school was hard for me at times. i excelled in english, history, and science, but totally fell flat in math. by the time i was in fourth grade (2016), i had a college reading level, but couldn’t do simple multiplication. this frustrated my mom, who was my primary teacher, to the point where she stopped schooling me all together. i was expected to teach and discipline myself. when i was fifteen (2022), my therapist became aware of my lack of schooling. she called CPS on my parents because of it. they never ended up showing, but it scared my parents enough that they got me into an online schooling program. i have since had to switch to a different one, and overall had a difficult time with schooling myself. it’s not led by a teacher, you do the lessons yourself. it’s hard for me to keep myself motivated. i have finished almost all of my english assignments available to me, but im still falling behind in math. i don’t know how to pick myself back up. i haven’t even started on history and science yet, as they don’t even have a curriculum for them. i don’t know what to do. i desperately need help and i don’t know where to find it.

if you read all of my sob story, thank you! :D i really appreciate it.

anything helps, $1, advice, anything!!! 💕

[the5n00k]

Trauma is not a competition (long post)

‼️Spoilers for the ghost and Molly McGee season 2!‼️

And 1 but that's a year old so I assume you've seen it already

Just like the title says, Trauma is Not a Competition. And somehow, Molly and Scratch understand that better than most people out there. Heck, better than most people I know in my own family. Let me explain:

All trauma is equal, if it traumatized you and changed you as a person, it doesn't matter what it is. It could be so much as a bad dentist visit or your house burning to the ground in front of your eyes. Trauma is trauma

I've heard some people imply Molly's trauma is not as bad as Scratch's because she's younger or hasn't endured the same pain of losing everything after death. But she did lose everything. Multiple times. Now I personally believe they've been through equally as terrible shit but even just saying that is reductive because it doesn't matter what my opinion is because trauma is equal.

For an in universe explanation of how the characters understand this concept, let's look at season 1:

As early as episode ONE, Scratch is empathizing with Molly. He doesn't remember Adia at this point or even care about Molly as a person, he just met her. But his expression changes in a very peculiar and specific way. He puts his walls up right after this though.

First Day Frights is a prime example of him going out of his way for her feelings that everyone points back to but what Really stands out to me are the two bandshell episodes and Saving Christmas. Molly gets repeatedly beaten down by circumstances out of her control and her positivity is sapped out of her. And it freaks him out. He can't stand to see her like this and does EVERYTHING in his power to return her "annoying" positivity. Perhaps he's empathizing subconsciously from a life full of disappointment? But regardless, he deeply cared about her problems from the very beginning. They mean just as much to him as they do to her

In Home is Where the Haunt is, he knows she's had to move a lot, leave behind a ton of friends, and that he means so much to her because she thought she'd never have to leave him. Everywhere she went, he was there because of the curse, he couldn't leave either and she must have unintentionally gotten security from that feeling, knowing he's always there. So when it broke, and she knew it broke, (she says "I've been thinkin..." she was probably thinking about the curse being broken for the entire month the month the McGees were homeless) he saw her worried and instantly comforted her. In the goofiest goofball way possible (while also low-key avoiding the issue) but that's just how he does things, he's not good with the feelings stuff so using humor is his next best option most of the time. But his "see? I'm not goin anywhere" was probably the most genuine we'd heard him be up until this point.

I don't know if he ever considered leaving but even then, what's the point now? He finally had everything he ever wanted and Molly needs him just as much as he needs her.

Moving onto season 2

Even in situations where he can't directly relate to her like in 100% Molly McGee, he tries his best to help her feel better. He's terrible at giving advice but he still tries his best. It really means a lot to me that even when he was bunging up the entire inspirational speech, he tried naming something he knew always cheered her up (that being "puppies")

He stayed up probably all night with her cramming in as much Thai education as he could with her just so she'd feel less inadequate around her family. Season 1 scratch wouldn't be caught DEAD (again) putting in that much work. He was even trying to help her through the dinner scene (even if they were both getting overwhelmed)

Most of the time, even if he can't directly relate, Scratch does Everything he can to make Molly feel better and that's the sign of a good friend. That's emotional maturity I wish more people had quite honestly. Now I've rambled about this dumbass (/affectionate) enough, where's Molly fall on this?

Well first of all I'd like to start this by saying she literally separated her soul from her body to save him so girlie is also willing to do Anything for him.

But most of her emotional encouragement comes from season 2, let's take a look.

A Soda to Remember is a good example of this. For as much as she really wanted to learn more about Scratch, she understood how scary it must be to suddenly remember a past you've completely forgotten. She was willing to let him make the choice himself and that is HUGE emotional maturity for a 13 year old. Like some adults will pry more than her, but she's more than okay with giving him his space if he wants it, even after putting in all this effort to get him this soda. It could have been a huge waste of time for her but she was still willing to give him a choice and to me that just solidified how far they've come as best friends.

Now here's the really spoilery part, PLEASE don't read until you've watched All in the Mind

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You have? Okay, good. Anyways

Molly is once again (understandably) thrilled to learn more about Scratch by experiencing his memories first hand. I've actually had a talk like they had on the boat with my family and friends that was very similar, she just wants him to open up and be honest about his feelings. Because keeping it bottled up (ha) is a recipe for disaster. She probably knows a lot about how much that hurts because despite all the pain she's endured, she has to keep this upbeat, chipper attitude to keep enhappifying others. She has to keep moving forward. I wish we got an episode where she just Acknowledged all the shit she's been through at such a young age but eh, beggars can't be choosers.

After Scratch admits he kept the Adia memory a secret, she isn't mad. She's just confused and a bit sad about it. She just somberly asked "why didn't you tell me?" She's a little hurt about it, obviously because she's his best friend, but she realizes how hard that must be to talk about, especially after how scared he sounded the entire time. And she reiterates what she told him in A Soda to Remember:

Then, they see the memory together.

(small aside, I think it's interesting with how many parallels there are to Molly and Scratch's relationship and Adia and [Scratch]'s relationship that Molly would see the blurry memory and ask "is that us?")

She saw the moving truck pull away, she knows now. She's been the one pulling away too. Countless times.

Both of them, regardless if it was s1 ep18 or s2 ep12(?)b, did NOT hold any resentment towards each other for being on the other side of the situation. A selfish asshole like scratch could very easily say "well how would you know? You're the one always leaving! You have no idea what it's like being the one who's left." but they're better friends than that. They both understand how much that entire circumstance SUCKS from either side. So she empathizes with him by mentioning how it feels to have people leave. Each time probably burned into her memory, no matter how short her time in any town was.

And she uses his own words to her to comfort his worry before he even expresses any. She recognizes how terrible that must have felt for him just how terrible it was that they had to move out of their forever home for a while. She remembered him comforting her after they moved back in and she began to worry about the broken curse. They both recognize how deeply hurt each other are by no longer having the people from their pasts in their lives. And they both reach out with nothing but empathy and understanding. They even extend the same care and compassion towards feelings they personally haven't experienced. Because they're best friends.

Might get a little personal here but I appreciate that they aren't one-upping each other constantly with whatever problem they currently have. I've had people do that to me and it's honestly discouraging and keeps me from opening up because it makes me feel like my problems don't matter. But their problems matter to each other, all of them. Even the stupid little problems they have, all of them matter

"If it upsets you, it matters" is something I've been told when I refuse to open up about something because I think it's dumb. And basically that's their entire relationship. If it bothers one of them, it matters to the other

I just think that's beautiful and a good, healthy friendship. Nothing is one sided, they both deeply care. They're both deeply flawed. Both deeply traumatized. Both deeply loving (platonically of course)

Ramble over, I have no idea if I got my point across At All because I had to stop writing this like. Three times to do something else lol but I think I got it. Hope you enjoyed me pouring my heart out because of Molly and Scratch. It will happen again. This is a threat

[longing-for-rain]

On sexual abuse, trauma, and recovery

I’ve wanted to post something like this for a long time, because of things people have said directly to me and other things I’ve seen. It strikes me how people who haven’t experienced this really don’t understand how it feels, both in the moment and in the aftermath.

The reason I finally decided to make this post is actually on a more positive note—I’m writing this just after I’ve had my first real date in years. My first real date I’ve had the courage to go on after escaping a sexually abusive situation I endured for nearly a year during the COVID pandemic. I’m writing this to say that even though what I’m talking about it going to sound bleak and disturbing, it doesn’t end there. We can still move on. I used to think I would rather die than be looked at sexually again. I didn’t even want to go out in public. But I’m sharing because no matter how bleak what I’m about to say sounds, I’m still here. We don’t have to stay trapped; we don’t have to stay silent.

I’ll put the rest below, and please, read at your own risk because I will be discussing heavy topics such as sexual abuse and the aftermath of that.

I’ve learned a lot over the past few years, but probably the most important thing I’ve learned is that the idea that recovery is quick and easy is a myth. The idea that it’s easy to get justice when you’re abused is a myth. Some people will probably get angry at me for saying this, but in all honesty, I wish I’d been warned. That’s the part I truly wasn’t prepared for—how isolated I would feel in the aftermath, and how the people and systems that promised to always support victims failed me. I’m tired of being told that it’s easy to simply report and move on. It’s never that simple.

The first time it happened, I was naïve and drunk and blamed myself. I just blocked it out. By the time it fully hit home that I’d been assaulted, it was too late. I had no evidence of the event and knew nothing would come of it if I reported it. So I didn’t. It was painful enough that it happened. I couldn’t handle also being accused of being a lying whore trying to ruin an “innocent” man’s life for no reason. That’s how women like me are treated when we try to say anything.

That was right before COVID. During COVID, I was mostly online and that’s how I got into fandom again. I found comfort there, especially after what I’d been through, but unfortunately I repeated the same mistake I’d made the first time—I was naïve, I was somewhere unfamiliar, and way too vulnerable. Someone took advantage of that.

I don’t really want to go into details, but I was sexually groomed and abused over the course of about a year. I didn’t realize it at first, because that’s the cruel thing about grooming. When it starts slowly, you don’t realize what’s happening to you until it’s too late. I spent hours a day at times on the phone with this person. What I thought was “advice” was really just her pushing me into places (sexually) that she knew I wasn’t comfortable with. To this day I still don’t know if it was because she was interested in my sexually or if she just liked the idea of “corrupting” a much younger woman into destroying herself just like she had.

But at the time, I was blind to it. I thought it was just a toxic friendship. I felt hurt and traumatized but didn’t understand how to express why I was feeling the way I was. I didn’t yet recognize it as abuse, and even the slightest hint of that was crushed by my abuser and her friends. She knew the community better than me and how to manipulate it—how to make me look crazy for trying to come to terms with what happened. So ultimately, I simply blocked her, deleted every account I’d been associated with her on, and thought it would end there.

At the time it seemed like the best option. But later, I realized what I’d done. Those conversations were evidence, and I’d gotten rid of them all. So now I’m suffering the same fate I did the first time. I have no evidence. I have to deal with what happened, and I can’t prove it.

I did try to speak up, eventually, as many abused women do. I got a taste of why rape has a 2% conviction rate, why this is a crime that goes so often unpunished. People who barely knew the situation got involved, because they were friends of friends of the abuser. I was called things like “shit stirrer” and accused of “disrupting the community” for trying to say something. I lost friends I thought I could trust, either because they sided with my abuser or because they were too cowardly to say anything. And nobody has ever apologized for anything—not one. I’ll be honest. I seriously considered suicide multiple times and attempted once. The aftermath was even worse for me than the abuse in some ways. I was still living under the lie that as a victim, I’d have support and understanding from my community when in reality it was the opposite. Sometimes I feel like if it ever happened to me again, I would actually end my life. I don’t know if I could go through this whole process again.

So yes, that’s why it’s isolating. That’s why it’s so painful; why “just report it” is bullshit. If you haven’t been through something like this, don’t even pretend to understand. You will lose friends. You will be isolated and ostracized from communities you thought could support you. You will watch people repost essays about supporting victims on their social media turn around and blame you for your own abuse. You will watch people use sexual harassment and abuse in ship wars about fictional characters and then participate in your real life abuse. People will make fun of your sexual abuse. People will tell you your sexual abuse is hot. People will tell you that they understand, then side with your abuser anyway, after you’ve already opened up to them.

That’s the reality. Why is it this way? I don’t know. I think a lot of it is deeply ingrained misogyny, which is why I think it’s so so important to recognize and call out the misogyny intertwined in our culture and communities. It’s what creates the environment that allows this to happen and isolated victims from each other.

This is rambling, I know, but I’m getting frustrated by some of these anons spouting off about something they clearly know nothing about. Stop treating it like some easy thing that just goes away and that people actually care about sexual trauma and victims. They don’t.

[melpomenelamusa]

A Matter of Pride Pt. 2 - Chimeras

~Original story~

Previous

CW: Mention of pet whump, mention of past kidnapping.

Of all the bad days Fidi had ever had, she considered this one to be one of the worst. Suffering abuse and mistreatment from her so-called "owner" was something she had grown accustomed to for years, despite everything; but seeing someone else suffer was different. It made her feel even more helpless and vulnerable than when she was tied up in a box for two hours.

"Poor guy," she thought. She couldn't help but wonder where Madame Lavenza had gotten him from, if there was a family missing him or a life he couldn't return to. Fidi didn't have a life or a family to return to if she left this mansion, and this tiger boy looked to be around her own age, with a body that showed no signs of hunger or previous abuse. She felt very intrigued.

Madame Lavenza had left, so she had the entire mansion to herself for the afternoon. Usually the service staff ignored her, although there were a few people (counted on one hand) who agreed to a brief chat from time to time; but in reality she usually had nothing to do and preferred to stay in her room drawing. However, this time she decided to go out and look for her new companion. The poor boy must have been traumatized at the very least, and something in her made her feel like it was her duty to support him in this difficult situation.

When she was bought she was alone. She didn't want him to feel that way too.

Since she didn´t know which room the newcomer had been assigned to, she kept knocking on all the doors in the pet hallway, as the house staff called it. It was basically a long hallway in the west wing of the mansion, on the second floor, where the chimera children that Madame Lavenza brought to the mansion were confined. It was a lonely and silent hallway, which only had Fidi as an inhabitant. Or at least, that was how it had been for a long time.

Just three doors to the left of her own room, Fidi found the right door.

"Who?" a hoarse voice said on the other side.

"Um, hello," Fidi greeted, somewhat unsure of how to continue. "It's me, the... the other girl." She would never use the word "pet" to define herself. "We met a little earlier. I just want to talk... I wanted to know if you wanted to talk to someone..."

This felt strange. The previous chimera children she shared a roof with always tended to be much younger than her, newly transformed, which made them elusive and difficult to deal with. She was never able to get close to any of them, although deep down she was glad for that.

After a while the door to the room opened and she was faced with the sad face of the tiger boy.

"Come in, I guess," he said.

Fidi entered. The room had the same layout as hers, except that the nightstand was empty. The tiger boy shuffled back to the bed and sat on the edge of the mattress.

"I want to go home," he said, his voice pitiful.

"I'm sorry," Fidi replied. She really was, but there was nothing she could do. After an awkward moment of silence, she spoke up: "By the way, my name is Ofidia, but you can call me Fidi."

"I'm Tigri," the boy introduced himself, a little unsure. "How long have you been here?"

Fidi thought back, doing mental math.

"Almost ten years."

"Ten years?!"

Tigri's stupefied look almost made her smile.

"Yes... My parents sold me to Madame Lavenza shortly after I transformed. They thought I was some kind of curse or something, so they didn't hesitate to accept. At first I thought this would be an improvement for my life, but as you can see, it wasn't…”

"I'm so sorry," Tigri said. “I... My parents were very surprised when I transformed. And who wouldn't be, I mean, one night you go to sleep and the next day your hair changes color and you're kind of a furry... My parents never stopped loving me, they always accepted and supported me. My little sister even loved to show it off, she says it's like her older brother is a big living stuffed animal.”

A small smile appeared on the boy's lips, but it didn't reach his eyes, which became melancholic.

"Someone tried to hurt my little sister. I tried to save her. It was a trap." He took a deep breath. "Those guys... kidnapped me, and... and now I'm here. She... Zuri must have been so scared... she's only seven..." His voice broke. Tigri covered his face with both hands and began to cry.

Fidi felt his heart clench. In an attempt to comfort the boy, she timidly put her thin arms around him and gave him a hug. Unlike her, Tigri's body was robust and strong, and very warm. The snake girl easily understood why the boy's little sister compared him to a big stuffed animal.

After a while, once the trembling and sobbing had subsided, they separated.

"And now what?" Tigri asked, sniffling and wiping his face with his hands. “What will become of us now?”

“Well, it will depend on what Madame Lavenza wants,” said Fidi, sitting on the mattress next to him. “Sometimes she wants a pet, sometimes she wants an accessory to show off, it depends on the mood she wakes up in.” She was silent for a moment. A mischievous little smile made its way to her lips. “I know, you can say it here in private if you want, that woman is a bitch.”

“More than just a bitch,” Tigri agreed. “From her attitude, she seems to think she is the queen of bitches.”

They both laughed.

“Hey, can I show you a trick?” Fidi put her hands on the back of her neck and unhooked the metal collar around it. “You can take it off whenever you want, although I advise you to always wear it when you leave your room. Madame Lavenza gets angry if she doesn't see you with it.”

Tigri brought his hands to his neck, feeling the metal ring around his throat. He pulled it off and threw it on the bed.

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” Fidi continued. “We can take off the collar whenever we want, we’re not locked in a cage, chained or tied up… Well, not always. We have three luxurious meals, our own room, branded clothes; but we’re still prisoners. We can’t leave the mansion, we have zero contact with the outside world, and the people here don’t even really see us as people.”

“Aren’t there any more chimera children here?”

“There used to be more, but they were all sold. I’m the only one left.”

“It must have been really hard for you.”

“I did what I had to do to survive.” Fidi held her collar in her hands. How she wished she could crush it and destroy it. “But I hate it. I’m sick of always having to be her pretty little doll.”

“Did you ever try to escape?”

“I have nowhere else to go, and ending up on the street, for someone like us, is not a good alternative. Besides, if I left, it would be impossible for me to see that person again.”

Neli's smile suddenly took over Fidi's mind, along with the memory of her strawberry perfume and her soft hugs.

Tigri raised his eyebrows, in an expectant gesture of curiosity. Fidi decided to continue talking. When was the last time she had a real conversation with someone? There was only one person with whom, until then, she had been able to open up like that.

“Her name is Neli. She is another chimera child. Her so-called owner is a rich guy who sometimes attends the events that Madame Lavenza goes to. That's where I met her. I don't know the details well, but I think she was also kidnapped from her family. She's been my only... friend for all this time.”

Fidi lifted her legs onto the bed and hugged them to her chest. A wave of sadness invaded her.

“Hey, I'm sure there must be some way we can escape,” Tigri said. His voice had regained some strength and confidence. “We'll get out of this birdcage, you'll see, and then we'll go rescue your girlfriend.”

At that last word, the snake girl's cheeks turned pink, a color that stood out a lot on her normally pale skin.

“She's not my...!”

“I know that look!” Tigri replied, and a playful laugh came out of his throat. “Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. We'll escape, save your girl, and everyone will be happy forever. What do you say?”

Fidi thought about it for a moment. She thought about everything she had lived until now, about the times when, looking out a tinted window, she saw outlines of a life she couldn't have... no, that had been taken away from her.

“We'll get out of here,” she said. “We will.”

Next

Taglist: @scoundrelwithboba @morning-star-whump @lancedoncrimsonwings @3-2-whump @whumped-by-glitter @string-of-broken-hearts

A little comfort for these two. I'm already working on the chapters for the next mini arc; but I feel like I want to make this pair suffer more. I'm accepting ideas! Even if they're outside of what I have planned for the story, I can write a special chapter, whatever, I feel like I still want to do a lot with these characters.

Thanks for reading this far! Take a little star ⭐

[disregardcanon]

amc iwtv abigail (2024) au 

The year is 2024. The location is Paris. A team of professional criminals are hired to kidnap the “daughter of a wealthy businessman” and hold her hostage for a large sum of money. 

This team includes: 

The “mastermind” 

The medic in charge of anesthetic doses and taking care of the kid 

The getaway driver

The hacker

The muscle

The ex army 

These roles are played by

Santiago as the mastermind

Madeline as the medic 

Estelle as the getaway driver

Daniel as the hacker

Celeste as the muscle

Now you may ask, why these particular choices? Here's the explanation

The “mastermind” of the team thinks that he’s far smarter than he is, doesn’t view abigail the child vampire as either a threat or a creature with feelings, starts out sadistic and only gets worse until he’s the real villain of the piece after becoming a vampire toward the end of the movie. This is all very Santiago to me. 

The medic is the one who develops a bond with Abigail, the child vampire. In the movie, this character has a son that she’s trying to get the job money for so that she can reconcile with him too. While I wouldn’t want that to be the exact backstory, it does work for the framing. A Madeline who went into health care to help her ailing younger sister and try to get her foot in the door for a medical transition. Who was able to transition but had that kill her career and then had to resort to working for crime bosses. She ends up nicking some of their supplies to try to help her sister and has a very traumatic firing. Without that income and those supplies her sister dies and she loses access to her hormones, so she decides to do something.. Drastic. To try to get back on her feet. What other option does she have, really?

Estelle is the getaway driver because she blows up on a motorcycle and I think that’s funny 

Old Maniel. This character in the movie is a young woman from a wealthy family who hacks for the fun and the thrill. I love the idea that publication of his vampire memoir destroyed his journalistic career in the 80s. After that, he still had to make do somehow, right? Hacking got the job done. He’s doing one more big job to send home an enormous paycheck to his girls, maybe write a book about it that’ll be published post mortem and keep paying their bills. Sure, whatever he gets on paper won’t make him look good, but it’ll be something. He doesn’t expect that vampires involved in his past situation would be so close to the ones plotting this situation.

Celeste as the muscle because if Estelle is there she has to be too. 

I liked the ex army character but he doesn’t really line up with anyone I have in mind so. He has been tragically cut. Such is life

ONTO THE PLOT!

Santiago brings the group together. No one tells anyone else their real name. 

Then, they kidnap their mark from her luxurious Paris apartment. Everyone feels a little weird about the mark being a kid when no one was informed of that, but like.. It’s a bit too late to turn back when the kid’s knocked out in the back of your car, right? And like… she’s not a kindergartener or anything. She’s probably like… 13? A bratty little teenager with a rich dad. That’s kind of justifiable, right? 

(It’s not.) 

They get to a giant villa in the countryside and meet up with their contact, a white American woman named Antoinette. She tells them about how they just have to keep the mark in the house overnight while she “negotiates terms” with the father. She confiscates all their electronic devices for the “safety of the operation” and gives them almost no information. After some prodding she gives them all fake names from twilight. Then, she leaves them alone in the mansion for the night with the bursting liquor cabinet.

We get some character setup after Estelle tries to do a cold read on the others and madeline calls everything she says out as bullshit. Then estelle’s like well if that was so bad how about you try it? And then madeline reads the CRAP outta her. Then celeste asks for one and it’s spot on. Santiago’s like here’s 50 bucks if you can say ONE true thing about me. And she’s like you were an undercover cop who decided that you liked being able to hurt people even more easily and never wanted to go back to having some level of rules on you. And he’s like WELL YOU’RE A DUDE! And she’s just like wow! How original! You figured out that I Transed My Gender. Can you tell me literally one other thing about me? And he. Can’t. Because he’s not as smart as he thinks he is! 

Daniel has been weirdly quiet during this, so she turns to him and she’s like hey gramps do you want one? And he’s like i would literally rather die. She’s figured out that he used to be a journalist from a few of his conversational ticks but she doesn’t point it out, because he asked for no reading and she has some manners. Unlike SOME people! She’s blunt but she’s not a total asshole. 

Then, Madeline goes up to check on the mark who should be waking up from the anesthetic soon. She IS! The girl plays up being scared and hurting and madeline’s like. Well the blindfold is a LITTLE over the top. I have a mask on. This is fine. She won’t be able to ID me from a lineup like this, probably, 

So she takes the mark’s blindfold off. Now that the thing is off, the girl doesn’t seem scared at all. It’s like it was just a game and she’s done with it now. No “who are you” no “what are you doing” no “are you going to hurt me?” Just a staring contest with a middle schooler. 

In the briefing, they told them that the mark’s first language was English. That’s the language that Madeline starts with. 

“Who are you?” Madeline asks.

The girl smiles. “I’m Claudia.” 

“Your whole name.” Madeline clarifies. The kid must be someone powerful’s daughter if she’s this assured of her own safety. 

“Just Claudia,” the girl tells her, “I’m not on good terms with either of my fathers right now.” Well. That gives Madeline some information at least. The girl has two fathers who are separated. 

“We’re not going to hurt you,” Madeline assures her, because it feels like something she should do. It’s what she’d planned to do, coming up here. 

“I know,” Claudia tells her, “you can’t hurt me.” 

Madeline feels her breath catch in her chest. “We can’t?” 

“You can’t.” 

“And how do you know that?” Madeline asks.

“I just do.” 

Madeline laughs. “Any other insight you want to give me?” 

Claudia smiles brightly. “Sure. Can you tell Daniel Molloy that I didn’t like his book?” Madeline feels fear curl up even sharper in her gut. A fearless child named Claudia, two powerful fathers, and Daniel Molloy. She lives in Paris. She is very familiar with that man’s “memoir” from the absolutely exhausting American tourists obsessed with retracing the steps of the “real life” vampires chronicled in the book that killed a promising journalistic career in the 80s. 

Is someone punking them? She doesn’t even let herself consider the crazier option: that everything in that book was real. 

After whatever THAT interaction is, madeline corners santiago to make him give her more information. Who is this kid’s dad? Does she actually have two? Does he have any real clue who this kid is? Why does she seem unphased by being kidnapped? Why doesn't she seem like a kid at all? 

He’s less than helpful, so Madeline brings her findings to the entire group. How the girl doesn’t seem phased at all by being kidnapped. How she claims she’s not on good terms with “either father”. “Just Claudia” and her strange request for Daniel Molloy. 

“Okay, yeah,” the elderly hacker says, closing his laptop and standing up, “that’s my bullshit threshold. I’m getting the fuck outta here.” 

“What?” Estelle asks, “but we are so close to getting our money?” 

“I am not waiting around for one of Claudia’s dads,” he declares. 

She frowns. “Do you know them?” 

“Know them?” he asks, “uh yeah, I know them. One of them, at least. He’s not a man you wanna mess with.” 

Celeste rolls her eyes. “Come on. What could make him so frightening? Truly?” 

He just stares at her. “He’s a vampire.”

Estelle bursts into laughter, “Oh, what a funny old man you are! Who is he really?” 

“A fucking vampire!” he repeats with wide, terrified eyes. 

“Ah,” Santiago says, “you’re the Daniel Molloy. I should have known.” 

Celeste frowns. “Who?” 

Estelle giggles. “He wrote the gay vampire memoir! He always said it was real.” 

“It was!” the guy tells them, “every fucking thing I wrote there was real. Every word. And no one believed me.” Santiago snorts. 

The old man turns towards him with a deadly look in his eyes. “You think that’s funny?” 

“Yes,” Santiago assures him, “I do.” 

He points to a nasty, mottled scar across his neck. “Her father did this to me. I almost died. Still think it’s funny?” 

“Yes,” he assures him, “with every word you speak it just gets funnier.” 

“Whatever, man,” the old man mutters, “I’m getting out of here before she starts picking you fuckers off.” Then he turns to the driver. “Can I have the keys?” 

“No! I’m not giving you the car keys!” Estelle declares, “we will need them to leave in the morning.” 

He laughs. “None of you are making it to morning. I’m getting outta here while there's still some sun.” 

“Then you will be walking,” Estelle says firmly. 

“Whatever,” Daniel says, waving off the comment, “I’ll take my chances with the walk to town.” 

The old man staggers out the door and into the dying evening sun, leaving his cut of 50 million dollars on the table. 

“Well,” Celeste says, “more money for the rest of us.” That brings each of their counts up to 12 million dollars. Certainly enough for Madeline to give her sister a proper funeral and pay for HRT for the rest of her days. 

Santiago goes to “speak” to Claudia, which is just an excuse to try to intimidate her and be mean. She lets it “slip” that she’s the daughter of a famous crime boss who has people killed by decapitating them: Lestat de Lioncourt.

He comes to give the group that information and they decide they'll take their chances. Like... sure. That makes… some sort of sense? If her father is a terrifying crime boss that could explain some of her behaviors. She’s still worried, but she tries not to let those consume her. 

Claudia isn’t a vampire. She’s just… a smart young woman. Older than she looks, surely. Stunted growth, perhaps? That can happen with neglect. Perhaps she split from her fathers because of something along those lines. An undergrad student, perhaps. The team made an assumption concerning her age and Antoinette just let them go with it. 

(Madeline tries not to let her mind settle too long on “Antoinette” from the book- the mistress whose position was always so precarious until she just… disappeared from the story entirely.) 

She goes to speak with Claudia again to put her worries to rest. This will prove to her that this isn’t a preternatural middle school student but a shrewd university student. 

When Claudia sees her, she starts speaking French. It sounds atrocious. 

Madeline doesn’t bother responding in her mother tongue. 

In English once again, she says, “Your French is bad.” 

Claudia sticks with her atrocious French. “Really? You’d think a girl would get better after 80 years.” Four twenties, she claims. 

Madeline chuckles and permits the girl a response in French. “Four twenties, you say? I will believe you’ve lived one of them, at least.” 

Claudia grins as she switches back to her mother tongue. “Not buying the little girl act?” 

Madeline scoffs. “You only acted as a little girl before we caught you. The moment you were here, you showed your true colors.” 

“I’m a hundred year old vampire,” Claudia tells her, "a hundred twenty one to be exact."

Madeline laughs. “No, I think you are a cunning college student conning your father out of money.” 

Claudia grins, maneuvering her cuffs to be slightly more comfortable. “However would I do that?” 

“Stage your own kidnapping,” Madeline posits, “then scare the attackers into leaving and pocket the money."

“How would I do that, exactly?” Claudia asks. She sounds intrigued, excited to hear Madeline tell her back her own genius plan. 

“You’re pretending to be the vampire Claudia from Molloy’s delusional diary,” Madeline tells her, “you hired another woman to pretend to be the vampire Antoinette. Recruited a few people that you thought would be susceptible to strange suggestions in addition to the father of the delusion itself so they’d leave. Then you get 25 million to yourself at the end.” 

Madeline turns her head to finish her point and notices something.

She’s not in cuffs anymore- 

Claudia’s canines slide down like a trick door, turning into fangs. 

“I like you,” Claudia tells her, “I think I’ll kill you last.” 

This is where “you should watch the movie if you haven’t yet” comes into full effect. The action is GREAT and I am just going to give you a brief play by play. The house seals itself into a special trap until the sun comes up. Claudia kills Estelle first- detaches her head from her body and drinks her blood. The three survivors band together for a while to try to evade her and stay alive. 

The stakes rise as they try to talk about what awaits them outside of this death mansion. Santiago decides that he straight up hates her for “letting her sister die” and having the gall to Be Trans About It. 

They “capture” Claudia who spends the whole time taunting them and turning them against each other. Santiago is needlessly cruel. Claudia “escapes” and Madeline realizes that she was never trapped in the first place. They engage in a Flirtatious Bonding Moment TM before the group splits again. Madeline and Santiago run off and Celeste gets left behind.

Then, Celeste gets turned into a vampiric puppet that Claudia uses to scare the shit out of them before the woman's body dies. It seems like Claudia has all of the murders in the bag until a door to a hidden room opens up and fucking Antoinette is behind it. And guess what! She WAS the mistress! She gives them some pathetic backstory bits about being a scorned lover turned by one of Claudia’s fathers a hundred years ago. Lestat, the one who turned her to be his lover, planned to kill her as a peace offering to his husband as they reunited at the temporary return of their runaway daughter. Said runaway daughter decided that she wanted to start again, completely on her own, and requested that Antoinette be allowed to live in her service since Claudia can’t make a vampire on her own. Both fathers agreed, as it made them feel better for their daughter to have someone as she ventured off into vampiric adulthood away from them. Antoinette has been forced to play errand girl to her ex-lover’s daughter for 80 years. The ex-lover that was going to kill her to return to his husband’s good graces. 

So yeah. Antoinette wants to turn someone she thinks can help her defeat Claudia and then get rid of her keeper and find out how to escape somewhere that loustat can’t find her afterwards. Compassionless, mainly competent Santiago seems like a very good choice!

He is. At least… he like, takes to the gift? Pretty immediately? But he kills Antoinette because he doesn’t want to share and then Madeline realizes that she’s 100% safer with Claudia. She’d been thinking that might be the case for a while, but now she’s certain. 

Madeline tries to get away from him to find Claudia and makes it to her, but they realize quickly that his size advantage is.. .real bad for her in a fight. Especially since Madeline’s like, 100% dying. He shifts the odds one more time by trying to make Madeline into a vampiric puppet like he saw Claudia do. Thankfully his hubris got the better of him and it doesn’t work. Madeline’s able to fight against it and restrain him. 

Restraining him is just a temporary fix, though. Madeline is bleeding out and Claudia is trying to bring her back from the brink with her blood, but with a volatile Freshly Turned Fledgling and a dying human that claudia doesn’t WANT to die… the odds aren’t looking great for her.

That is until her father finally does come. Lestat de Lioncourt appears in all of his vampiric glory. The moment he arrives he’s separated Santiago’s head from his body. 

“You’re late,” Claudia says primly.

He huffs. “Late? I wasn’t aware I was welcome until you were losing a fight with a fledgling!” 

“A fledgling that your fledgling made,” Claudia says, “so really, it was your fault.” He smiles ever so slightly. 

“If you had allowed me to kill Antoinette years ago, she never could have moved against you,” Lestat tells her pointedly. 

Claudia shrugs an acknowledgement. “I wanted a companion. She worked alright."

He snorts. “That's what I thought when I made her, but Antoinette was a poor replacement for your father."

Claudia frowns. “Where is Daddy Lou?” 

“Home,” Lestat tells her. 

“What? He didn’t come help?” she sounds devastated that her father might have been reading the paper while she was being hunted. 

“He closed his mind off from you,” he says, “per your request, ma petite.” 

She moves her hand up to her elbow to rub gently at the viscera coating it. “Asking that of him mighta been… harsh.” 

The man smile ever so slightly. “Perhaps. If you were to reopen your mind to him-” 

“No,” Claudia tells him, “just havin’ your presence in there is bad enough.” 

He flinches. 

“But..” Claudia says, “maybe you could just… keep an eye on me, just in case?" A slight smile. “And you can both come round every once in a while, I s’pse.” 

Lestat’s eyes drift over to the mortal dying on the floor. “Would you like assistance with this.. Cleanup?” 

Madeline feels her heart stop in her chest. What does that mean, exactly? 

“You can’t kill her,” Claudia says firmly. 

Lestat turns his gaze toward back to his daughter. “And why is that?” 

“She saved my life,” Claudia tells him, “and I like her. She’s interesting.” 

“Hm,” he says appraisingly, “you are without a companion.” A companion. What, exactly, does that mean? 

Claudia’s eyes widen. “Are you offering to make me one?” 

“You cannot create one on your own,” he says, “and I will not be “coming round”- he uses air quotes, like a douche bag- “until I am invited. So. Yes. I am offering.” 

Madeline tries to wrap her head around this offer, a vampiric eternity with the most interesting person that she’s met in years. Someone who understands the horror of having a body that makes people make all the wrong assumptions. 

Claudia takes her hand. “Well, what do you think? How's forever sound?” There’s nothing in this world for Madeline, anymore. A dead sister and a world that doesn’t want her. 

Why not join someone who might understand? It’s not like she has anything to lose. Her sister is dead and all she’s working towards are a funeral, a tombstone, and her own hormones. Why not live the way that she wants for once?  “I say,” Madeline tells her, “turn me. Now.” Forever isn’t too scary when there’s someone you trust it with.

[jingchu-time]

TW: Discussion of Child Abuse and Suicide.

Just me theorizing about Arturo's past for a little bit. Normally I'd make this a proper post but Nico analysis work has drained me so y'all are getting bullets instead.

---

- So I'm like 85% sure that Arturo probably came from an abusive background.

- Arturo secret puts importance on the idea that him leaving his former situation is what caused his sister's suicide. He brings up how he shouldn't have to be blamed for wanting to live his own life.

- (This is clearly being done to push him and J as foils to each other. Shocked how nobody has noticed that, but that idea is for a different post.)

- Clearly Arturo's home wasn't a good place to live. My guess is that Arturo's parents were some form of abusive and it negatively affected both Arturo and his sister.

- When it comes to abusive households, many little siblings end up being left behind by older siblings the moment the older siblings find a chance to escape the household. Sometimes bringing the younger sibling along is too big of a risk.

- This was likey what Arturo ended up having to do. Sadly, doing so led to the worse outcome, her deciding to kill herself.

- For Arturo, who likey didn't have much of a choice in leaving her there, this has to be traumatizing in itself. The idea that it's all your fault that younger sister would kill herself because you were selfish enough to leave her there all alone. Guilt like that eats at you.

- Then (probably) years later, now that you've pushed that part of your past away, you're forced to have all that shit resurface in a killing game of all places.

- There is no escaping the guilt no matter how hard you deny the idea. It's especially difficult if everyone immediately agrees that you're the scum of the earth, no matter what you say.

- (I feel that the whole "Attacking Eden with a Scapole" thing was was likey because Arturo was triggered by having to hear about his secret. Him becoming angry and physically aggressive is one thing, but the instant sweating and the way he goes to try to gain control over the situation says a lot (not feeling in control is a sign of being triggered).

- (The way he acted seemed less like he was actually going to kill Eden and more that he was trying to scare her into keeping quiet. Less about actually hurting her for bringing it up his secret at all and more about keeping control over her so that she wouldn't dare try to reveal his secret to the others.)

- (That's just my thoughts tho. I could be wrong, who knows.)

---

Also, I'm not trying to defend his actions or anything, just thought I'd give my thoughts and theories about him.

(Sorry this post is messy, might tidy it up later, might not.)

[monarchamos]

I was watching cannibalism stageplay and found that it pointed out smth very interesting!!! Atsushi's relationship with his orphanage director/headmaster actually resembles Akutagawa's relationship with Dazai

Both Dazai and the orphanage director/headmaster deeply abused and traumatized their students, but it is revealed that both of them did so in concern for their students' survival.

Dazai treated Akutagawa harshly so he would have the strength to live, and even thrive, in the mafia. The orphanage director/headmaster treated Atsushi harshly so that atsushi could keep living with himself when things eventually came crashing down around him (such as when the tiger went feral).

They are also both revealed to have had a rough—arguably even rougher than their students' in some aspects—life, and as such wanted to protect their students from the same pain and agony... though toughening them up through even more agony, enough so that they could persevere and survive through real awful situations later on

honestly i never even thought about this parallel before the stageplay, so this was super duper cool

(more stuff analysis about dazai under the cut!!!)

what's even more interesting is that dazai seems to acknowledge this parallel, and it's through this that we gain further insight on how he views akutagawa. It's clear that he knows full well that what he had done to akutagawa was unforgiveable, and does not expect forgiveness.

however, it's still evident that dazai cares for Akutagawa (again, still does not at all justify what he did to him, but definitely helps put things in perspective). If he hadn't, why would Dazai have put him through all that training and suffering to toughen him up, when he could have just as easily thrown him to the wolves and left him to die as a meaningless grunt in the mafia?

Dazai saw a young child, only 2 years younger than him, with a similar lack of a will to live in his eyes. He didn't need to take him into the mafia, but he did. he saw that kid with nothing else to keep him pushing through life, and sought to give him a similar home and salvation that the mafia brought him. Perhaps even better, perhaps give him the hope that dazai had wished the mafia have given him (as it is revealed in stormbringer that he had already gotten tired of the mafia after a year despite saying that he might find a reason to live bc of it in 15).

but for akutagawa to be able to find a home in the mafia (which, its clear that he does later on, such as when he was trying to bring kyouka back to the mafia) dazai had to make sure that he could survive through the bad, hence the... well, y'know. we've all memed on that one gif of dazai beating the shit out of aku. i think. i dunno maybe im just fucked up.

dazai isnt a dick to akutagawa bc he was an edgy teenager or just for shits and giggles. and he didn't push akutagawa to the fullest because he didn't comprehend how strong he actually was, pushing on a notion of weakness onto him.

dazai knows that akutagawa is strong. we know he knows. Hell, Chuuya (and atsushi too but idk if im remembering the guild aftermath scene right) knows.

So did Dazai's method of putting aku through hell to make him develop a "loathesome anger to help him survive" work? yeah. does it resemble what atsushi went through at the hands of his orphanage director/headmaster? yeah.

however, the similarities in their way of teaching doesn't end there. Dazai's method of training akutagawa resulted in an extremely low self-esteem, the kind that depends on another's approval. While atsushi doesn't necessarily depend on the approval of others, he does have a very low self esteem and rather depends on helping others to prove that he's worthy of living.

This unfortunate side effect of Dazai's and the orphanage director/headmaster's teaching method is likely unintentional, as both probably only focused on the intended outcome of strengthening akutagawa/atsushi.

so anyway idk how to end this so yeah. tldr cannibalism stageplay pointed out the parallel between atsushi's relationship with his orphanage director/headmaster vs akutagawa's relationship with dazai. as such, it helps give really interesting insight on why dazai treated aku that way.

[richwater]

Summary of Alvaro's psychological profile and explanation of his disorders and their origin [I had nothing better to do and the drawing turned out well, sorry if my English is bad, I'm just learning :]

WARNING ⚠️: some sensitive topics and please do not self-diagnose, I am only creating the psychological profile for your entertainment and more information about my character, I tried to investigate well but I may not be right, please find a professional if you have any of these symptoms, your mental health is very important to everyone :(

1. Derealization

Origin:

He comes from a life marked by trauma since childhood, such as the loss of his parents and the disappearance of his sister [Olga Montoya, he doesn't really know if she's still alive, it all happened too fast and she went to another foster home, but oh surprise she never made it to that house and no one, not even the church itself, knows her whereabouts currently]. This left him in a constant state of struggling to understand his surroundings, feeling disconnected from reality at critical moments. Derealization is a form of psychological defense against the pain and uncertainty of one's life.

Symptoms:

Feeling that the world is not real or that you are separate from your own body. You may experience episodes where you feel emotionally disconnected from others or your environment, especially during times of high stress.

2. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Origin:

His experience as a Catholic in his adopted home and doctor was marked by abuse and manipulation, both from people who took advantage of his kindness and from the violence he faced. And the guilt of not being able to save more people or make difficult decisions has haunted him.

The murder of her brother and her failure to protect him is also a central trauma.

[Álvaro's younger brother (Erich Montoya) suffered from sickle cell anemia, a severe type of this, because of this he had decreased oxygen and the affectation of cerebral blood flow can trigger seizures, Severe anemia reduces the amount of oxygen carried by the blood. The brain needs a constant supply of oxygen to function properly. In extreme cases, lack of oxygen could cause seizures, although this is rare, but Álvaro's brother was classified as possessed then his adoptive parents began to practice rituals and exorcisms and he died in one of these, BUT BE CAREFUL do not take this seriously, I investigated and asked my mother who is a doctor but these are only rare and scarce cases but the context of the situation where Álvaro lived was why his situation worsened to this point, he had to travel far from his town to study his career and it could take days that is why he could not take care of his brother :(]

His life in Dutch's gang, facing questionable morality and constant violence, perpetuated this state.

Symptoms:

Recurring nightmares and flashbacks of traumatic events.

Hypervigilance (always alert and ready to react to any danger).

Irritability and emotional outbursts, especially when you feel your environment is not under control.

Moments of emotional isolation as a way of protecting oneself from pain. [Yes, he has avoidant attachment but he is a lovely person when he gives you the chance]

3. Religious Guilt

Origin:

Raised in an environment with strong religious values, Alvaro had faith in God but not in people. However, his life has led him to question both his faith and his morality.

He believes his inability to save his brother, his patients, or even the innocent in his life as an outlaw is a divine punishment or a test he has not passed.

Despite his doubts, he maintains a nostalgic bond with his faith, seeing it as a lost refuge to which he feels he cannot return. [Ah feels guilty for being bisexual but is already working on that]

Symptoms:

He feels that his bad decisions have doomed not only his life, but also the lives of others.

He experiences internal conflicts between good and evil, between duty and selfishness.

He uses small rituals or reminders (such as silent prayers or saint medals) as a way to deal with his guilt. [For a while he punished himself but then he began to improve to be a better person and not be self-destructive] The saints that he could identify with or at least respect are: San Martín de Porres represents humility, service to others and compassion towards the most disadvantaged, Lady of Luján (Patron saint of Argentina), San Cristóbal patron saint of travelers and protector of those who face difficult roads, Santa Teresa de Ávila and last San Judas Tadeo as a saint of impossible causes.

Conclusion of the Psychological Profile [which I did while riding the bus home]

Alvaro is a person deeply marked by his experiences, struggling with a constant internal conflict but he has his good and bad parts for example:

Strengths: Despite his emotional baggage, he demonstrates incredible resilience, humor, and ability to care for others. His connection with Hosea and the rest of the camp [I'm planning to make a mind map so you can see what his relationship is like with each one] and his willingness to improve as a person are signs of hope in his life.

Weaknesses: He tends to isolate himself emotionally, experiences aggressive outbursts under pressure, and struggles with the guilt that follows him since his youth, he is claustrophobic [oh and he hates Swason not for who he is, but because he represents everything that Alvaro has had to fight, addictions, religion and an authoritarian religious figure that he hates the most]

[But he is a good person, his specialty is making roast meat at 3 in the morning and waking everyone up by throwing a piece of coal in their face while he spreads the plate]