#the harder it gets to come back to it
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gardenerian · 2 years ago
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thoughts on ian’s face in the “sorry im late” scene in 5x8 (i think it’s 5x8)
my thoughts are that i am going to start crying and never stop. my additional thoughts are:
so he's in bed, right? he's been trying mickey all day, meanwhile mickey has been going through his own process at home. but ian is thinking that he might have finally pushed mickey away for good - or scared him away. so he's in bed, eyes shut - probably not sleeping, but just laying there. shutting out the rest of the day. he hears someone behind him and his eyes kinda open. it's when he hears mickey though that his breathing picks up and we go from this:
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to this:
like it's so slight, but like. the little flutters and the way his eyes start to move 😭 there's life left there. i feel like...... in moments like this, it sometimes feels like you might just lay there until you're dust. it's all over. the life you knew, the life you wanted. and yet - here he is again. and i think ian is genuinely surprised. this is where is starts being surprising to ian that he could be someone to come back for.
anyways. he turns around as fast as his medicated body will let him. we don't see his face when he first sees mickey, but we see it when he says "sorry i'm late." and it reminds me of the scene in 4x11 where mickey says "what you and i have makes me free." like it makes me insane. in both of these moments, his face just drops into something so young and so vulnerable.
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like???? he's a little boy! and here is someone standing in front of him - someone he he has ALWAYS WANTED to stand in front of him - promising to be there. that he knows ian needed him. that he's here now for whatever might happen. reality is so warped these days but here he is.
and you see it land??? you see ian exhale and settle in a way he probably hasn't in a while. things are not okay. they're not okay!!! and they won't be for a while. but in this little moment together in this room where he grew up, he can breathe out the grief. he can share it.
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mickey moves to get in bed and ian just makes room, like he always has. but he never blinks. doesn't dare take his eyes off of mickey. it's like he's scared mickey might change his mind, or dissolve right in front of him. is he even really there?
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and there's another layer of disbelief here. another layer of grief. mickey milkovich is crawling back into his bed to hold him, and it's like this. it happened like this. everything he's done and suffered and been made to face comes down all at once. he's tired, he's scared. he's sorry. mickey has finally seen the worst of him.
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he looks away, and mickey chases after him. i think it's important to mickey here that he lets ian feel him. something about that tactile, grounding comfort. and mickey won't look away either, it's too precious. ian's safe, even if nothing is the same.
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and it's here, in these quivering lips and drawn eyebrows...... this is the release. his body and his mind have been through a lot in the last few days. it's as close to cathartic as ian really gets for a while. it's not long before the walls go back up and he's angry. but right now, he brings his hand to hold mickey's wrist, and he lets himself be held.
now.... this face:
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this face fucking haunts me. i cannot name this face. what is he seeing here? i imagine it's so hard to see past this moment, into a future he can't name. it's like he's simultaneously feeling mickey there and also completely isolated. i can't explain this face. can anyone else explain this face???
either way, he closes his eyes against it. and you can assume that rest is coming.
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with mickey keeping watch.
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ryssbelle · 11 months ago
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Brozone reunion concepts for this little thing based on this ask
As stated in the ask idk fully how this moment would go, this concept was mostly building off the premise presented within the ask :D
Bonus:
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loriache · 9 months ago
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neon genesis meshi
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ruporas · 2 years ago
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lonely
[ID: A limited palette of green and pink, Vashwood comic. The first page serves as a prologue. The first panel shows Vash speaking to someone off screen while Wolfwood is lingering behind him. A black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the second panel, Vash is buying donuts in the distance while Wolfwood is once again in view, lingering. and the black arrow is drawn pointing at him. In the third panel, Vash is leaving a cubicle and turning towards his right with a slightly peeved expression. He sees Wolfwood, leaning against the cubicle, waiting for him, and with the black arrow drawn, pointing at him, implicating the consistent hovering of Wolfwood’s presence during Vash’s everyday. At the bottom of the page, they’re drawn out of panel with Vash turning to Wolfwood and saying with an irritated expression, “You’re really following me everywhere, huh?” Wolfwood responds, “What, you got a problem?” Vash responds without hesitation, “Yeah, kinda...”
The second page starts with a new day. In the first panel, Vash is seen alone, weighing apples in his hands at a mart, with crowds passing behind him. In the second panel, he turns to his right and starts to say, “Hey, Wolfwood...” In the third panel, he’s startled from seeing a stranger, whom he’d accidentally called out to when he was expecting to see Wolfwood. He says, “Oh, you’re not him. Sorry!” In the fourth panel, the stranger walks off and Vash muses, “Right, he said he had something to do today...”
The third page begins with a close up of Vash's miffed expression, the continuation of Vash's thoughts, "Now that he's not here, this is just like how I used to be, but... It feels lonely somehow. Oh well, I'll see him again tonight, like always." In the second panel, it shows Vash walking through the marketplace crowd, alone. In the third panel, the door panel is a close up of the door opening with a peek of Vash's head. He says, "Wolfwood!" In the fourth panel, Vash is holding a bag of food with a bright smile and says, "Are you hungry? I got you something to eat today!"
The fourth page begins with a shot of the room, two beds being highlighted, one of them being made properly with the blanket draped over the bed and the other with the blanket folded and pillow sitting on top of it. There's no sign of Wolfwood. The second panel shows Vash with a disappointed look as he thinks, "He's still not here?" The third panel shows Vash putting the bag of food on the table. Stapled to the paper bag is the receipt with a written note "For Wolfwood." Vash's thoughts continue "He does like to stay out so, I guess there's no reason to worry..." The fourth panel shows Vash sitting his bed somberly with his thoughts continued, "It's not any of my business anyway..."
The fifth page starts with a close up his blank expression as he looks downwards, thinking, "Even if he left completely... That'd be understandable and better for him. I'll just travel alone again... like before... Huh?" The next panel shows Vash's composure break, tears welling up in his eyes suddenly, as he didn't expect to cry. He starts to sob, putting his hands to his face to quiet himself and wipe at his tears, as he says, "Ugh... Dammit... I miss h..." The last panel shows Vash leaning over into his hands, still crying, and in the back, the door swings wide open with a bam as Wolfwood walks through with the punisher swung behind him. He shouts, "SPIKEY! You in here?!"
The sixth page starts with Wolfwood confused, looking at Vash and Vash looks back, just as confused, with tears in his eyes and snot out of his nose. Wolfwood starts saying, "Ah? You..." No longer in panels, at the bottom of the page, Wolfwood takes the Punisher off of himself and starts to walk towards Vash, continuing with slight concern, "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" Vash, hurriedly begins to wipe at his tears, denying immediately, "No! No, I'm fine! Nothing happened!"
The seventh page, Vash points towards the table, with a hand still wiping at his tears and he smiles as he says, "I uh got you food. On the table." Wolfwood looks towards to the table and responds, "Oh. I was getting hungry, thanks." He turns his head back to Vash immediately after with an uncertain expression, knowing the other wasn't responding to his concern, and says, "But, I know you're an idiot with this stuff, so I'm reminding you again. Don't brush it off if it's an issue, alright?"
The eight page, Vash's tears have dried and he looks to Wolfwood with a soft smile and responds, "Yeah. It's okay though..." A panel at the center shows a side view of Vash approaching Wolfwood. At the bottom of the page, with no panel, is a close up shot of Vash's hand, holding onto the edge of Wolfwood's jacket sleeve, as he says, "Because you're here now. Wolfwood."
The final page is a back shot of both of them standing next to each other, Wolfwood's head tilted slightly to the left, not fully believing Vash as he says, "That doesn't answer anything, Spikey." Vash responds, "There's no need to talk about it! You should enjoy your food. Let's have a drink too?" Wolfwood responds, "Tsk, tsk. Fine, yeah. I could use one." END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#but onto this comic... i think and talk a LOT about vash's loneliness bc trigun is just. kind of central on that for a good while! esp in#the original manga he was alone for a good portion of it and he tends to keep others away like how he ran away from meryl and milly when#they tried to tag along. and he was kind of bothered when he realized ww was following him around Too. at the core even though he loves#humans and he loves deeply the people he does know -- he isnt really much of a people person and i think thats been the case since he was#young considering his initial doubts towards humans... with the exception of kids bc kids dont give him moral conflicts. so suddenly#here comes wolfwood!!! his guide. someone TRULY affixed to him until he has to get to knives. someone who isnt budging and someone whos#really good at following him around and even seems like he goes like 5 steps ahead to make sure vash doesnt run on him#in one way its - i don't want you to follow me bc i don't want to burden you and i don't want you to kill the people i want to save.#in another way its - i like this companionship. i like waking up to you and i like ending the way with you. i like talking to someone who#knows my world. i like being in your space and sometimes i enjoy talking about our day#theyre just living together. like. roadtrip buddies or theyre also under the same roof because they're going everywhere together.#trimax they mainly spend their mornings together and if they had personal business attend the other person would usually know and itd only#be during the midday. anyway bc of this kind of companionship i figure that vash eventually grew accustom to it and he really. cant go back#to the kind of loneliness from before. it's harder to imagine and it'd be harder to withstand. esp after 2 years with lina and her grandma.#ruporas art
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dawnthefluffyduck · 5 months ago
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Warm up doodle :)
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releasing this from the hj discord dungeon because the public populace was in agreement also i'm chronically offline on tumblr and need to fix that for my chronically online ahh
#hand jumper#webtoon#sayeon lee#she couldn't even enjoy herself once she gets into the decent university because she got sent to the corps sayeon lee my giiirl#SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BASK IN THE GLORY OF VALEDICTORIAN BECAUSE SHE WAS CONSCRIPTED 😭#bro she's built like those kids in school who dump social interaction the moment exam season comes around#she's built like and earned that first honours fr.#but the corps said nah so she did the one thing those kids do make life even HARDER for themselves#even if in context it's no even hard it's just a matter of survival in the corps so success is the only option lest you die#hj reminds me of kaiji a lot with how they handle this but they're like two different genres but i digress#so she created TWO short term goals that forced her to hammer down her if not reinforce her previous values/beliefs#and if you read fp or wait until this tuesday lemme tell you rn it gets worse#which force her back into her shell and wall she's built#which is fucked up bc juni's wall is coming down when cell 4 didn't die as quick as she'd thought and surpassed her expectations#sayeon try not to be any characters narrative foil/parallel challenge fail 1000% speedrun#this only gets worse in fp and while this was in my drafts since the morning#i will say i literally just had a conversation abt this with my g bigbrainmanyvibes before prematurely leaving for lunch#but i set an alarm to actually post all the memes i made here so imma do this one now then the rest later#JOIN THE HJ DISCORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WAY EASIER TO USE!!!!![to me......]#PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#that's it for my obligatory plug for the hj discord you can stop reading now i you haven't already stopped because i make this thing a diar#anw GLORY TO SAYJIN NATION!!!!!!!!!
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terracyte · 4 months ago
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latest pacrim rewatch ate me upppp
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sinnettini · 3 months ago
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i'm so sorry for wimbledon2021posting but i'm sad look at him..
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silvermeww · 4 months ago
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okay, when was someone going to tell me that
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oh, idk, steven started at 19, burgh has a younger sister, clay actually isn't born american, skyla's whole fam thing and ELESA IS 15???? (even younger than skyla like wtf???)
(also the 'alder' at the bottom is supposed to be drayden lol)
and that's not all
say hello to:
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viola being 18??? 'black whirlwind' korrina, RAMOS MEETING AZ'S FLOETTE AS A KID, genderfluid and apparently also age-fluid olympia, CLEMONT?? AND HIS WHOLE THING DOWN TO BEING 12 OF ALL AGES???
(you know what, marlon being 30 definitely makes sense with the hippie vibes)
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wikstrom SAYING that he only wears that suit in pokemon battles but i've never seen his casual wear, malva being pr for flare lol, drasna selling dragon merch + great family lore if you want to know, siebold having to third-wheel lysandre and sycamore while eating (move aside malva, you're not the only elite 4 dealing with this) and 20?? YEARS OLD?? DIANTHA????????????
(way too many men in kalos are getting ladies, c'mon)
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ethan being into history is such a neat detail hmmm, idk much of the frontier brains ngl, and we've finally got the region for looker and it's... hoenn??? you know what, makes sense with his chaotic vibes so i'll take it (throws away unova taped to a rock behind my back). also he's abolsutely cheating we all see that he's just relying on knowing us as protags, should've known smh
(um i think someone said that 'caitlin' should've been anabel but idk)
oh and the last one is charon, if we care about how much of a loser he really is. forget about birch and the poochyena, this guy is the lowest heh. imagine being charon (please don't).
(when the protags of johto are the same age as clemont lol) (yeah i know there are years between those events just let me have this)
and last but not least:
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aaron 🤝 valerie: wanting to be pokemon (and ig gotta toss in shauntal with the ao3 writer gift heh, don't know if they would commission her or stay away), bertha's description???? i love flint just saying, cynthia 👀👀 is absolutely doing something illegal 👀👀, roark is WHAT??? (child labour laws in sinnoh must be lax ngl), maylene as well???? fantina watching scary movies is something i'll have to incorporate into my worldview and bryon?? are you okay??
so yeah. credit goes to @/KuroBlitz96 on the twitter/x for having this up, i'm just here to project sheer surprise at this massive dump of ages... my thoughts on pokemon have completely turned on its head once more lol (this is fine)
#sinnoh is the most surprising out of the regions avaliable#but c'mon 12 year old clemont?? he is legit baby#steven is really just chilling around for at least 4 years until the protag got him huh??#when i was first watching bw i thought that cilan was middle child until that 3rd last ep?? with the fight for the gym#and having the bros come to him cemented the idea that he was the oldest#so hearing that is good to know#even though i have to make peace that they never left the city lol#WHY IS ELESA/ROARK/MAYLENE/DIANTHA SO DANG YOUNG???#i can maybe let go of viola. in time. maybe.#i also love some of that lore/history dump here as well#lenora's dad bringing back fossils and lyra being torn between countryside/city#viola being a big sister figure and getting that camera from her father#crasher wake being a fake fan but also heavily embodying that barry spirit in his own way#the ramifications of the mother dying after bonnie was born and wow that gag in the anime is suddenly a lot more sadder huh#on the brighter side the prism tower used to be a part of a travelling amusement park lol#flint's hype!!! maylene being confused over her own strength!!! (thoughts about paul's insults hit a lot harder after this hmm)#wulfric being an explorer!! and i'm still not over ramos and az's floette oh god#unfollow me right now. this is all i can talk about for the next few weeks. my brain is way too small for this knowledge help#is it canon now?? idk. but the fact that this was here is killing me#pokemon teraleak#save#deep stuff
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bakudekublogblog · 1 year ago
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it never stops being funny to me that people are bkdk antis in the year 2024 like “katsuki bullied izuku!! how dare you ship izuku with him” ??? take it up with izuku he’s is the one pining his ass off for him. I can’t make izuku not yearn for katsuki ??? I’m sorry I have observational skills?? izuku is just like that you think I can stop him??
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inumbrapugnabimus-maybe · 1 year ago
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@uncleskyrule your tags were far too good to ignore
this is a sequel to this
also i think i'm finally starting to get the hang of drawing on a computer :D
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nicnevans · 1 month ago
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not to talk about bleak shit on main but truly, i wish neil gaiman had just kept his mouth shut at this point. his tumblr went dead fucking silent as soon as the first allegations dropped, and that spoke volumes to me - this was a man who regularly answered asks and engaged with the platform and to this day the last post there was six months ago. he knew he was fucked. but to then go on his web blog, a site where (let's be honest) only his most loyal fans are likely to be tracking activity, and give several paragraphs of wishy-washy handwaving about "misinformation" and claims snowballing into untruths and whatever else. like. neil. stop. my respect for you is already dead in the ground, stop pissing on its grave.
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just-a-simpel-narrator · 3 months ago
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Ok..lets do this.
Finally responding to @akirapolarbear !!
I couldn't get the thoughts and ideas out of my head.
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(Au and the Designs of Donald&Webby belong to the amazing @diogxnxs !)
Everything based on This Post!
Trust me this went very out of Hand haha
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Also Raider got Tail Feathers if anybody cares
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waywardstation · 3 months ago
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hi! i havent been on tumblr in a Hot minute but i wanted to come here JUST to tell you that hfbe might be my fave pla fic ive read ao far! the worldbuilding and the characterization of everyone just feels so so right i fall in love
i reread it on ao3 and even tho its not completed its still a joy to reread everytime
Hello hello!! Anon you have no idea how much it meant to me to get to read this. Knowing I put something out there that you wanted to back to and reread means A LOT.
I’m glad you like it so much but man I have been editing the first two chapters (fixing errors, making characters say and do things that are more in line with how I write them now, and just adding scenes in between to help things seem more clear or hit harder), and I’m like man this really isn’t that good haha.
It’s fun to see how much I think I’ve improved since I’ve started trying to write fanfics (I wasn’t aware of how obsessed I had been with commas and run-on sentences at the start lol)
So reading this nice message really gives me such a boost of motivation. I’m so glad you like the worldbuilding, and it makes me excited to get more out because later chapters are when I really introduce specifics on a lot of things. Namely the Pearl Clan’s hunting parties, that has been my favorite.
Now I just gotta get more out! Hoping to put more out for you to read soon kind anon, I really appreciate that you find it’s something you like to reread!
For now, here is a snippet below the cut; I am unsure if I have shared this before, but it’s a scene where Ingo is preparing to advocate for the Clan to use pokeballs to store their pokemon in, so that there is less food consumption (as in HFBE, it’s emphasized that pokeballs put pokemon into a stasis where they don’t need to eat, drink, sleep, etc. for as long as they’re in them. Ingo does it with his pokemon, and he wants the clan to do it too, for their own sakes).
Wording is subject to change (VERY MUCH SO), but enjoy!
—————
“Excuse me Miss Irida, but may we talk for a moment?”
The Pearl Clan leader turned back to see Ingo – he was trailing behind the group, purposefully so. He had been waiting for the right moment to approach her.
“Right now?” Irida’s eyes flickered back over the tops of people’s heads, up towards the communal hall at the top of the hill. “I’m sorry, but can it wait until after the meeting?”
“It is actually about the meeting.” Ingo’s grey eyes were unwavering, waiting — he wanted to ask her something. And Ingo was not one to usually ask for things.
“Ok,” She relented, pausing in the snow both so he could catch up, and they could have their conversation with some privacy. “You have until we reach the hall.”
“Thank you, I assure you it will be quick.” Ingo fell into step beside her, shuffling through the snow as they now both trailed behind the group heading towards the warm hall. He kept his head tilted down just like her, using the brim of his hat to protect against the wind and snowfall. “I, well… I am planning to re-propose a proposition at this meeting tonight. I’d like to make another attempt at advocating for the use of pokeballs.”
“Tonight? Are you serious?” Irida lowered her voice for his sake, looking back between him and the group. How could he possibly think about proposing that when this meeting was for them to discuss how to prepare for this famine? “I’m saying this not as your leader but as your friend, Ingo; now is absolutely not a good time for that. Everyone is already going into this meeting angry. And if you try and start this again, they’re going to-”
Irida took a deep breath; she was already getting stressed over it.
“You know how people are going to react to that. You know who it’s going to upset, Ingo. Especially after last time. And you said you’d let it go.”
“I am well aware of what I said and I intended to stick to it, but these circumstances have changed our tracks, and I believe this may save us from derailing!” Ingo whispered back. He kept throwing quick glances at the nearing hall, gauging how much time he had left to persuade her. “Pokeballs can help us much more than the clan realizes – I’m confident that this can bring us closer to a solution, if not at least be a part of one!”
Irritation and confusion were replaced with genuine curiosity, but a fleck of doubt hesitantly followed after. Irida shook her head, not understanding. “How could they possibly help with all of this?”
“I will explain that in the meeting.” Having conquered the snowy hill, the two reached the warm light that spilled through the hall’s windows to project onto the snow. “But to do that, I need to actually present my proposal, and I’m afraid that will be difficult with the elders tonight. I am trying this for the fourth time now, and I’m aware of how this will most likely be received. I expect they’ll call to send me back to my seat before I even start.”
Ingo paused just outside the doors, waiting for Irida to go in first — she could do so and end the conversation right now if she wanted to, but she didn’t. Instead she stood there, staring at their fading shoeprints in the snow.
Irida could see why he approached her about this now, and a part of her felt sorry for him. “So you want me to vouch for you.”
“Not the proposal itself. Just the time to talk.”
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honourablepranksinatra · 2 months ago
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Maple Leafs discourse on their team social medias makes me lose brain cells because wdym they're first in their division and coming off a 5 game win streak & people are commenting that the top players are only in it for the money and have no drive, that particular players are useless and need to be traded asap, that they're a garbage team, that they'll never make it past the first round just because they lost one game.
Apparently because they are being payed handsomely the players must be mindless automatons who perform perfectly every night. It drives me absolutely nuts how quickly alleged fans will completely turn on their own team.
#i cannot understand how some people can't seem to comprehend that the players are still human who will have off days and make mistakes#regardless of their work ethic or drive or passion#it's not actual critiquing either it's basically just grown men cyberbullying other grown men#over a GAME#& they have a ton of people in the organization to critique and help them improve! have you ever heard of a coach!#it's like people want to assume the worst so when the leafs perform badly in the playoffs they aren't upset about it bc they see it coming#but they clearly are upset about it because they're commenting on the leafs own social media pages#& these losers never seem to realize how their own behaviour does actively make it harder for the players to perform#maybe some players will not want to play in Toronto because the pressure is so insane & the fanbase can be so toxic!#it really just is bullying#& those people think it's completely fine & warranted because they don't know the players personally & they're famous & rich#maybe try basic human decency for a change? & not letting yourself get super angry about a game?#& just the bad faith element of it all...#it makes it not fun! this is supposed to be entertainment!#stop assuming the worst#some of these people even assume the worst when things are going well! wdym jt is only playing well bc he knows his contract is almost up#isn't it more interesting & inspiring that someone legitimately improved through hard work & the power of the amulet#to the benefit of your team#let's bring back being a fan of your own team ok?#we are basically already doing that with the lb#(affectionate)#thank god for us!#toronto maple leafs#tml#leafs lb#my thoughts
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rosemaryreality · 2 years ago
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So...
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holy shit this conversation, i have. so many thoughts.
i'm like, 80% sonic is gonna face some kind of betrayal from either dread or nine
#nine because he is the most important variant obviously so his betrayal would hit harder#also because he wanted to use a shard to create his own perfect world. and sonic needs them to fix his#also also because it's likely fixing sonic's world would make the shatterverse dissappear#and with nine having researched the shards i find it likely he could be the one to find out about the consecuences of fixing the cristal#and i doubt he would be a fan of the whole dissapearing to instead become a part of someone else thing#plus he was the one named during the conversation about the people from the shatterspaces#and in the trailer for s2 we had images of him implying he would meet the other tails#i'm not saying he's gnna be EVIL but he might be against sonic at some point#and in the case of dread#WE the audience know he's selfish and only cares about himself and his treasure#but neither his crew nor sonic found out about that#i find it unlikely they would just let him get away with using people like that#so at some point he's gonna have to do something that outs him as the ruthless person he is#plus he is OBSESSED with his shard. why would he let sonic keep it#we know the council gets hold of his shard at some point#so maybe they loose it on their first appearaence this “season” and then he cooperates to get his shard back#but when the moment comes to let sonic have it (after recovering the shard) he steals it or something#sonic prime#sonic prime season 2#sonic prime spoilers#sonic prime season2#sonic prime s2
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