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oldxenomorph · 3 days ago

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can I be absolutely cuckoo bananas insane for a moment and ask, from one yapper to another, for ALL THE QUESTIONS from that meme 😤😤😤

CHARACTER ASKS.

as part of the national yapper coalition, i have to oblige. let me just put everything under a cut because man this got long. i yap and i am a sap. i love the reaper emperor so much 😭💕

What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

originally, i played mass effect and mass effect 2 on my cousin's xbox 360. the series changed my life and the rest is history.

but eventually i learned that there's so much more joy and light when you hunt the original canon for sport and send it to the anatomical opera to be vivisected and experimented on. eventually the emperor and her version of mass effect became an outlet for me to be cringe, but free. everything i enjoy (mass effect, cthulhu mythos, alien, dune, wh40k, hellsing, hades) all gets thrown in there.

How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

i think i made my first sketches of the emperor in 2012, back when mass effect 3 came out. so over 10 years. the difference between then and now is pretty drastic. she's had different iterations over the years, but eventually i shaped her and shaped her until i was finally happy with how she looked.

the things that have remained constant for all these years: alien pale skin, vantablack hair, black lips, red cybernetic eyes and scars.

this final version of her forms bring me a lot of joy. she is true to how i envision her, and she continues to be the entity/story i pour most of my time, energy, and inspiration into. she's my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time centipede. (she's the reason why it's so hard for my to make other oc's, i'm dedicated to her. i dream about her, i think about her.)

What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

appearance, probably. i thought it was very cool that you can make a goth shepard who looked even more cool in mass effect 2 with the renegade scars and red cybernetics in her eyes.

And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

personality. i think for a long while, as i was trying to adhere to the canon the best i could. renegade shepard as she is presented in the game didn't quite match how i envisioned her, she didn't feel quite right whenever i wrote her. for a long while she was a brutal hard-ass and a stickler for military regulations. i didn't feel creative, nor did i feel any real joy.

How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

this would require you knowing what the emperor's true name is, haha. [i get yoinked into a vent by a xenomorph tail]

in-universe: only immediate family members and nyx know the emperor's true name. neither azathoth nor shai-hulud know how she got her name, other than it was probably given to her by the thing that created them. it was the sound they heard when she was born, it was the word seared into their minds. they don't refer to her by her name because they feel it is too sacred to ever be uttered so freely. hence why they refer to her as "precious extinction", "precious emperor", "o precious centipede", "o end of all things," etc.

out of universe answer: when you grow up in the 90s/2000s and your name is also the same as a very popular disney character and nobody your age believes you when you say that you were named after a character from shakespeare's the tempest (your mother's favorite play), you learn to hate your name. i think giving shepard/the emperor my name was a way for me to feel good about myself and it just stuck. very corny, i know.

(i obviously don't hate my name anymore. i'm also fairly certain that because of the source of my name, my brain internalized the idea of an immensely powerful non-human who has a love for humanity.)

What was the thought process behind their appearance? Did you go mostly for the aesthetic or are there other reasons they look the way they do?

well first came the renegade scars and red cybernetics, i loved those, but i wanted to redesign the way the scars looked so they were more.... mysterious. more.... brutal.

as i sent the canon off to the anatomical opera, i began to shape her to be something that i think reflects her strange nature, her connection to her family, and visually indicate that she is the mother of the xenomorphs.

i'm also someone that uses faceclaims as they help me visualize my own character better (when i have no time to draw). the emperor's gone through a couple (lady gaga when her hair was black, cate blanchett as hela) before i finally settled on rhea ripley as i think she best represents the emperor's facial structure, body type, and aesthetic.

for her true form, i had a slightly more eldritch version of a xenomorph queen in mind. ultimately i changed it when i received inspiration after seeing some cool centipede-monster-hybrid art on my dash and pictures of centipede mothers. so her true form is more like a colossal, 30ft xenomorph-centipede hybrid with her face. also thematically, it fits more in line with azathoth and shai-hulud as ancient worms. the youngest and most beloved and most worshipped sibling should be a beautiful centipede.

What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

if i say everything, that would be cheating i'm sure.

aside from her face, i think what i like the most about the emperor's appearance is her second form’s body. i didn't want her to have a femme biomechanical body as it didn't really suit her, felt ill-fitting. her very masculine, muscular xenomorph-biomechanical body, making her 15 ft tall, giving her tentacles and a xenomorph tail feels right to me. i wanted both of her forms to be both very strange, but also very beautiful. i didn't want her appearance to adhere to any gender binary, she exists and operates beyond that.

What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

little to no projecting, lmao. our only similarities is our place of origin, our love for nyx, the xenomorphs, our families, and humanity? i guess?

but the emperor's personality is very different from that of canon shepard, because oh my god there are some things She Would Not Say or Do.

the origin of a lot of the emperor's personality is alucard from hellsing: arrogant, cruel, sadistic, but she is also unashamed of her love for humanity. she believes that the cycles of organic life should be as diverse as possible, that the stories of civilizations should be equally triumphant and tragic. the cycles of extinction are a necessity, yet she also revels in brutality, violence, and eating, eating, eating.

she loves deeply, with all her heart and all her soul. she will do anything to protect her wife and her daughters and her family. she hates deeply, with every every fiber of her being. she takes greatly enjoys eating stars and organic life and lesser beings. she loves who she is, knows what her purpose is, knows exactly what she is.

How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

shepard is the main character of mass effect, thus the entire canon mostly revolves around the emperor/shepard. the perspective shifts to the great family and nyx when she's asleep for 8 million years until her second shape (shepard) is born. it also changes when you get into different universes and worlds where the emperor is just an unseen force that shapes the way civilizations evolve and advance.

it's been interesting exploring different universes where the emperor is the latter, like in dragon age and warhammer 40k. i like exploring the idea of the looming dread of her arrival in a far future and the race to prepare the world/galaxy for extinction. also, i have a hard time making other oc's, so everything is connected back to the emperor.

What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

the emperor-as-shepard's time amongst humanity and organic life was to learn and develop a reason for why they must be harvested: to preserve the history and diversity of organic life, to make way for new civilizations and new histories. she could only do this by living amongst humanity, by enduring what she endured as a commander.

of course she gets a happy ending. she gets a second form that she loves along with her first one, the wife that she adores, the daughters she cherishes, the machines that were made for her, and reunited with the family that worships her. there are no sad endings here, that's just not my style.

Is there any existing character from other media that your character resembles? Was the resemblance intentional or was it a coincidence?

as i mentioned before, alucard from hellsing is the blueprint for the emperor. her appearance, her personality, her beliefs about organic life. it all goes back to him. even though she's not as sad as him nor does she wish to find a worthy opponent, most of what she is as an eldritch being that is equally brutal as she is empathetic all stems from him. underneath all of her horror and strangeness is a sense of humanity.

in terms of physical appearance, it also kind of goes back to alucard. hellsing was very much a core formative influence for me and he just immediately imprinted upon my brain. one of my oldest muses. i give him a kiss.

i think the funniest sort of resemblance i've noticed that the emperor of mankind (wh40k) looks like a healthier, more human version of her. or maybe it's the neurons in my brain activating when i realized that they both have long black hair. that's all they really have in common.

(maybe nyx can ask the mi-go to make the emperor a black and red crown of laurels with little young black holes scattered amongst them? but the little xenomorphs would probably yoink it off her head constantly to play with it.)

Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

i do have one, but it's in a perpetual un-finished state. i'm very picky when it comes to making playlists.

the genres i typically associate with the emperor are noise, experimental, dark ambient, dark techno, industrial. i like songs with harsh, unsettling, or unusual sounds. (i know people hate to see me make playlists because i put lorn in almost every single one.)

i mostly try to find things that would either sound like what it's like inside of a reaper, or inside the ziggurat. i also try to find things that give the feel of what high level indoctrination sounds like.

Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

when the emperor speaks, her voice is that of soveriegn's but deeper. it is an immense and cold sound, like that of a machine; alive, immortal, infinite, and eternal.

i also pull inspiration from the voice of magos dominus reditus from wh40k: mechanicus.

(i watched the venture bros. a lot on adult swim when i was a youngin' and dr. girlfriend permanently altered my brain chemistry. and maybe my perception of gender.)

Do you have any quotes tied to the character, either from the story itself or from another source that fit them?

from sovereign's dialogue.

"there is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. i am beyond your comprehension." "we are eternal. the pinnacle of evolution and existence. before us, you are nothing. your extinction is inevitable. we are the end of everything." "we impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. you exist because we allow it. and you will end because we demand it." "we have no beginning. we have no end. we are infinite. millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure."

from the reaper on rannoch's dialogue.

"you represent chaos. we represent order. every organic civilization must be harvested in order to bring order to the chaos. it is inevitable."

Have you ever made a moodboard for them?

i have a pinterest board for her! i'm not super active on pinterest (as it's become mostly generative ai slop) but i occasionally poke my head in when i'm looking for something.

Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

nyx likes to lightly tease her, which she doesn't mind. (anything to hear nyx's beautiful laugh.)

out of universe jokes? o great reaper emperor, can you help me connect to the wifi?

i do think that a kind of running joke/theme in my writing is that the great family seems to be in competition for who spoils her the most.

nyarlathotep can try his hardest, but doesn't come close to shai-hulud, who kills millions of little sandworms so it can send her crates of the water of life. which she has consumed ever since she was a baby and the universe was brand new. the old worm of eternity also sends her spice, in face she is the only being who it gifts spice to and is allowed to enjoy it recreationally.

Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

puts my hands on my hips and exhales. man.

the sign of extinction - the symbol of the reaper emperor and her house. beautiful, sacred, holy, embroidered in vibrant red upon the black veil she wears to conceal her face when outside. a representation of her and her presence beyond the reapers. it is an eye, a gate, a mouth.

black holes - her imperial crown is formed from an ancient black hole and was placed upon her head by nyog'sothep and nyarlathotep, her stomach/endless appetite, her vantablack hair, the pull of gravity, event horizon, her black lips, her black teeth, her heartbeat, the mouth of god.

the black tar - annihilation, thick and viscous black liquid, bloodline, the material from which she birthed the xenomorphs and the tyranids, that which she fills nyx with every night, black ichor mixing with black tar to create new xenomorphs, new daughters full of stars.

tonalli, teyolía, ihíyotl - the head, the heart, the liver. the soul in three parts. each favored to be devoured by extinction.

death of the sun - her eyes, the death cycle, red giant, the end of earth.

tentacles - thick and black tentacles, strength, instruments of love and pleasure, home, safety, the horror her presence and beauty, the immensity of her presence and power, the reach of her influence. she holds her daughters close, she caresses her wife; writhing, dipping into flesh, crushing gravity.

machine voice/biomechanical body - the reapers, harbinger, indoctrination, cycles of extinction.

some of these overlap with each other and there's probably a lot more i can't think of at the moment.

Does the character have other characters connected to them? Do you have a family tree and "offscreen" connections made up for them or do they exist in a vacuum purely for the purpose of the story?

me, becoming the girl crying while drawing meme whenever i try to chart out the great family. (also this is by no means accurate to ol' howard phillips lovecraft's original tree and/or the additions made by authors after him. this is my personal real estate.)

azathoth - nyarlathotep - yhouneh (marriage) - slaanesh (consort) - lilith (child) - alucard (consort) - nyog'sothep - yog-sothoth - shub-gorgoroth (marriage) - cthulhu - idh-yaa (marriage) - ghatanothoa, ythogtha, zoth-ommog, cthylla (children) - kassogtha (consort) - nctosa and nctolhu (children) - hastur - cassilda (marriage) - camilla (child)

(not including all of the extra lovers taken and children sired by various members of azathoth's line because then this list would be stupidly long and my brain hurts.)

shai-hulud - sandworms (children) - chani kynes (granddaughter)

the emperor - the xenomorphs (children) - tyranids (children, as they were created from her blood) - nyx (marriage) - nemesis - celestial xenomorphs (children with the emperor)

(also not including the rest of nyx's children that she had on her own because they mostly are not involved with the great family)

What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

my favorite thing(s) about her is that she is so beautiful and strong and she loves her wife, her daughters, and her family so much.

my least favorite thing is that i overdesigned her and now she has too many details i have to keep track of. i did this to myself.

Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

continues to show everyone this incredible art of the emperor by @fatherentropy like i'm a beauty influencer.

a thing i want to write more of is nyx and the emperor interacting with other people, be the great family or other members of the house of hades. because i mostly write lemons and/or them being sweet, loving mothers of the xenomorphs and tyranids.

and mostly because i want to utilize the emperor's size more, especially in the gestures and touches nyx does in order to show everyone that the emperor belongs to her. (especially if she's wearing something nyx commissioned for her. hehehe.) oh look at all these ovomorph-shaped lemons i have acquired.

#messages from the deep #echthr0s #the reaper emperor #the great family #completing this gives the exact same feeling as me walking up and down the hills on campus #my legs feel like cement.... i'm out of breath.... i need to lay down....#falls over face first from yapping too much

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yujateaandpi · 5 months ago

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Don’t count on it Mabel sweetie. Welcome to the Thirty More Years AU

Next part here.

#gravity falls #thirty more years au #gravity falls fanart #gravity falls au #gravity falls art #gf fanart #gf au #gravity falls comic #stanford pines #ford pines #grunkle ford #great uncle ford #mabel pines #dipper pines #pines family #pines twins

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valtsv · 6 months ago

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really wish i'd figured this out sooner but refusing to capitulate to someone who you know from repeat experience is determined not to respect you whether they understand you or not really is one of the greatest experiences in the world because there is Nothing they can do about it that matters if you refuse to play along and trying to comprehend that is physically painful for them. you get to watch the light go out of their eyes in real time as the cracks begin to form in the tinted glass through which they see the world. power word kill your ego.

#🐉#family holiday is going great in case you cant tell

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stars-and-birds · 2 years ago

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Dana’s last ‘fuck you’ to Disney

He/they collector

Genderqueer/bi-gender papa king

TWO girlfriend kisses

Onscreen mlm kiss

Implied aladarius

a happy ending to the bi/enby couple

A happy ending to the aro/ace character

And

Death to the white Christian puritain

#Toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #the owl house #watching and dreaming #Lumity #plus the sideline str8 relationship in favor of the gay ones!#i love huntlow but that was so great to see #raeda #clawthorne family #Willow park #Lilith clawthorne #Aladarius #papa king #10k #1k #5k #50k #edit: GUYS I KNOW HUNTLOW ISNT STRAIGHT THIS WAS BEFORE THAT INFORMATION WAS RELEASED #guys this post is fucking reblog bait it’s not that big of a deal calm tf down

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bluerosefox · 2 months ago

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Protecting Family

Hmmm

I'm on a Danny is Dick's child kick rn so I'm making more.

But lets add in some Ghost King Danny!, Dad to a deaged Ellie and Dan! And toddler Mar'i Grayson.

Danny was conceived during Dick's amnesia year when he was Ric and the woman couldn't find him to tell him (or maybe the Owls caught wind of the pregnancy and took her) and he ended up somehow (hmmm maybe a meddling time keeper?) with the Fentons.

Danny grows as a Fenton, he knows he was adopted btw, then becomes Phantom, protects Amity, becomes the Ghost King and things seem to be going okay between Amity Parkers and the Infinite Realms since they took care of the GIW problem, AND has been a good doting teen dad to his deaged 'cousins/clones' turned kids.

Danny was going to go pick his kids up from daycare one day when CHAOS happens. Just as he wrangles Ellie onto his shoulders, cause she wants to be tall today, and about to take Dan's hand cause he's and I quote "A big boy and not a baby like Ellie, Dad!" he suddenly feels the tug of his family being in danger.

Thing is, its a blood related danger. Meaning someone blood related to him was in grave danger, and by the emotions he can feel, its someone young, way younger than him.

Problem.

The only people Danny knows with his blood in their veins and are young enough for the feeling are with him.

So who?

But due to Danny being a protector spirit AND knowing the feeling is from someone as young as his own kids, Danny decides to use his Ghost King Powers to summon said person from the danger to him.

Danny opens his free arms out just as a tiny toddler with black hair like his own but with bright green eyes, even the sclera were green, in a ruined party dress drops from the sky from the summoning circle that had opened above him.

Danny stares at the terrified child, whose hands are tied by rope and was crying, and takes notes of certain traits she had that he saw every time in the mirror or on his own kids, same eye shape and cheekbones. He can tell his ghost core has claimed her as family but not as his kid though.

No the connection that formed was almost like his connection with Jazz but a bit stronger.

This kid, was his sister. His blood related one.

-Meanwhile-

Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing, and his family were freaking the fuck out.

Dick was already panicked when his daughter Mar'i had gotten kidnapped just a few hours ago by the Joker.

Now he was feeling pure dread when his daughter, who was about to be killed, was suddenly pulled into a strange glowing circle at the last minute and disappeared into thin air.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #crossover #dp x dc #blue rambles #danny phantom dc #writing ideas #random idea #dpxdc #de aged dani #deaged dan #Dick is Danny's bio dad #he unknowingly made Danny during his Ric year #somehow Danny was sent to the Fenton's #Danny is Mar'i's half-brother in this #Danny is the Ghost King #and a PROTECTOR spirit #He can sense when his family is in deep danger #even his adoptive ones #and his friends #basically anyone his core claimed as his #but he senses it strongly when blood relatives are in like death danger #Mar'i is scared #but calms down when Danny. Whose a GREAT teen dad. soothes her and helps her out of her ties. And it helps he looks like her dad.#Mar'i's powers hadn't come in yet so she couldn't save herself #Ellie and Dan also help #The three get along like a house on fire once emotions are calmed #Danny realizes that despite knowing he was adopted he never questioned who his parents were #Now he has to figure out how to contact his dad? without freaking him out

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sunderwight · 6 months ago

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I think that one of the most underrated reveals in Scum Villain was that Luo Binghe inherited his big dick toxic alpha male energy from his birth mother, and it actually has nothing to do with his demon side.

#svsss #scum villain's self saving system #luo binghe #housewife aspirations = washerwoman mom #shameless bottom energy = tlj's side of the family #melodrama = great author god airplane's contributions #communication issues = shizun's legacy #ruthless top-only stallion yandere with serial atticwifer potential = su xiyan

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kotse · 5 months ago

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@hg-aneh fanart of fanart! i want them to be best friends in the rain and have a slumber party

#PLEASE everyone give me your muriel hcs because not enough people are TALKING about them #and also recommend me fanfictions of them and crowley being besties #good omens #good omens 2 #crowley #muriel #muriel good omens #family guy death pose #thank you aneh for being a muriel truther and great artist

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chloesimaginationthings · 8 months ago

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Happy Father’s Day to everyone but FNAF William Afton..

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bixels · 1 year ago

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Now that Ghibli's new movie is coming out soon, I've been thinking about anime films and wanna talk about my favorite animated movie ever, Tokyo Godfathers.

TG is a 2003 tragicomedy by Satoshi Kon, following three unhoused people––an alcoholic, a runaway girl, an a trans woman––who find a baby in a dumpster and set off across Tokyo to reunite her with her parents.

If you like the sound of that, go watch it because the rest of this post is spoilers and I have FEELINGS about this movie.

URGHH, the fact that only two moments of true kindness, generosity, and care given to the three protagonists without any expectation of reciprocity are given by a Latin-American immigrant couple and a drag club full of queens and trans women. The fact that, despite her loud and dramatic personality, Hana is the glue that holds the team together and the heart of the whole movie. The fact that this movie pulls no punches at showing the violence and inhumanity committed by "civilized Japanese society" against the unhoused. The fact that Miyuki craves to be loved by her parents and ends up seeing Hana as her true mother. The fact that Miyuki starts off accidentally using transphobic language against Hana, but slowly begins calling her "Miss Hana" out of respect. The fact that, according to Kon, Hana's role in the story is as a mythological trickster god and "disturb the morality and order of society, but also play a role in revitalizing culture." The fact that Hana so desperately wants to be part of a true family, yet is willing to sacrifice her found family so they can be with their own, and is rewarded for her good deeds in the end by becoming a godmother. The fact that, throughout the movie, wind and light have been used to signify the presence of god's hand/influence (this movie's about nondenominational faith––faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in a higher power. Lots of religious are referenced, such as Buddhism/Hinduism, Christianity, and Shintoism), and in the climax of the film, as Hana jumps off a building to save a baby that isn't hers, a gust of wind and a shower of light save her from death. The fact that god saves a trans woman's life because she proved herself a mother, and that shit makes me CRY.

#ramblings #long post #not art #personal #it's the ultimate found family movie #not without its problems. i really dont like its depiction of mental health #for a movie that does an otherwise great job spotlighting the unhoused crisis in japan and its society's oppressive distain towards women #and queer people. it really drops the ball on depicting one of the biggest contributors to the crisis #but otherwise this movie is so fucking full of love and kindness and second chances and how fucking good queer folks and poc are #it blows my mind that this film came out in 2003 and the main protagonist is a trans woman who's just the fucking best #the recent gkids dub is REALLY good by the way! they got shakina nayfack; a trans va; to voice Hana!#the dub made great strides to undo a lot of the original misgendering and mistranslations #also its a christmas movie #also the ost was done by the band that did earthbound's ost

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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jewelielie-art · 1 month ago

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Happy ISATmas to my victim @worstplayr ! Surprise! I was your Santa! ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧ You asked for Loop tears, I really hope this suffices!!

Go check out @isat-secretsanta-2024 to see all the amazing art and fics this wonderful community are gifting each other! I was so happy to be a part of this and got to make so many friends in the process!

Still images of the GIF under the cut (also higher quality. I had to compress that GIF pretty hard for Tumblr to accept it.)

#in stars and time #isat spoilers #isat #isat secret santa 2024 #isat gift exchange #worstplayr #isat loop #loop #isat siffrin #siffrin #isat family #I'm so glad I got this prompt! I don't draw Loop nearly as much as I should #this was a great excuse to explore that Loop angst >:3c

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oldxenomorph · 29 days ago

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end of 2024 retrospective

interrupting rogue trader for a little bit to gather up all the stuff i enjoyed creating this year. being more active and creative has brought me a lot of joy! 🥹❤️ thank you for being with me on this journey! i will be getting weirder in the new year!

fics

ode to joy - birth of the red xenomorph.

a special day - for alien day 2024. once a year, the emperor’s daughters gather in the black palace, to be in their mother’s presence, to bask in her love for them.

anakalypteria (part one) - nyx/the reaper emperor. (18+) zagreus asks nyx if she has a companion, a partner, someone who she loves and calls significant other. the question brings forth the memory of her and the emperor when the universe was young.

spice of eternity - nyx/the reaper emperor. (18+) shai-hulud’s gift is best enjoyed in the company of one’s soulmate.

unmask, o night - nyx/the reaper emperor. (18+) successor to devourment. the night participates in an old ritual and feeds extinction.

heavy metals - reaper!nemesis/melinoë. (18+) nemesis returns after a century away from the crossroads, now a machine-goddess that serves the reaper emperor. her reunion with melinoë goes a step further, to make up for one hundred years of yearning.

lathbora viran - zarya'th lavellan and solas. (18+) as her body is on the brink of a meltdown, zarya'th lavellan makes a choice that ensures a terrifying future for thedas comes to pass in service of an entity far older than the evanuris. all disguises have been laid aside, there is no more hiding what she truly is. and the dread wolf must die.

garden of night - nyx/the reaper emperor. (18+) during a particularly longer than normal shift in the underworld, nyx summons the emperor in the darkest depths of persephone’s gardens to satiate her needs and desires.