#the gould standard

[nonesuchrecords]

"Beloved for her enthralling narrative flair, impeccable vocal mastery, and passion for traversing an extensive spectrum of musical genres, Cécile McLorin Salvant is one of the few true reigning divas of jazz," Brian Levine says of his guest on The Gould Standard in the second in a two-part interview. "But her creativity, curiosity, and wayfaring imagination take her well beyond the boundaries of any one style or genre of expression."

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Neil talking about the responses to Good Omens Season 2 - from the Neil Gaiman interview with Brian Levine for The Gould Standard (x,x)

BL: The audience that you have built is a very passionately engaged audience. They, frankly, they love you. And one of the reasons they love you is that you fit into what I think of as one of two great divisions in art. There's, or in writing, um, there is: I'm entertained, I'm amused. I may be even enchanted; and then there's this hits me at a visceral level. You understand me as no one else does. You have touched something very central to my experience. And it seems to me that Much of your writing, maybe all of your writing, actually reaches your audience at that latter level. You know. I would say in the former category, sort of my quintessential and beloved example would be P. G. Woodhouse. He amuses me, but I don't feel like he's revealed my inner self at a very deep level. Um, were you aware that you were going to be able to achieve that? Um, that this is something... was it a startling thing when people began coming up to you, who'd read your work and said, this means so much to me?

Neil: Yeah. It was huge. And it wasn't expected. I... if I had a mountaintop I was heading towards, it was gonna be P. G. Woodhouse. Um, I wanted to be a proficient entertainer with a clear prose style who could tell stories. Um, it probably wasn't until Sandman that I found... I started to realize that in order for a story to work, I had to show too much. In order for a story to resonate, in order for a story to matter, I had to let it matter too much. And, and I remember the first people who would start coming up to me and saying, um, you, you know, your, your Sandman comics got me through the death of a loved one. Your death character got me through my child's death, through my parent's death, through my partner's death, through my friend's death. Um, and that left me kind of amazed. I'm like, well, I didn't write it to do that. I wrote it to feed my children. I wrote it to satisfy myself. I wrote it because nobody else had ever written it. And if I didn't write it, it wouldn't be written, but I don't think I wrote it to give you what you've taken from it. And I spent really about 20, 25 years feeling awkward about that. And then my father died, in March 2009, and never got to cry about it. Never... I, you know, I've, I've got on a plane and I went to the UK and dealt with the funeral stuff and organized all of that stuff and came back and go toff the plane and went and did Stephen Colbert's Colbert Report and wearing the funeral suit because and that was all I had with me and carried on. And then, somewhere in the middle of summer, I was reading a friend's script. They'd sent me a script and said, can you look this over? And I'm reading it, and on page 20, the lead character meets somebody, and on page 26 maybe, she's dead, and I burst into tears. And I'm bawling. I am sobbing. It is coming out of me in giant racking waves. And I realized that it's everything that I'd been, hadn't let myself feel, or hadn't been able, hadn't stopped enough to let myself feel, was suddenly being given permission to feel by the death of a fictional person who I'd met six pages earlier, ia script. And I thought that... and it was huge for me, and I thought, okay, that's that thing that people are talking about sometimes, when they come tome and they say, you, you did this. So right now, I'm in this weird, wonderful place where I think a lot of people in Good Omens Season 2 thought they were signing up for the P.G. Woodhouse, and didn't know that, no, no, no, you've, you've signed up for the whole thing. You've signed up for the feelings. You've signed up for the emotions. I... it is my job to make you care and to make you feel and to feel things you haven't felt before. And which meant that the first week or so after Good Omens came out, I was getting angry, furious, deeply upset messages on every possible social medium telling me that I had betrayed people, and it was awful, and they couldn't stop crying, and why would I do that to them, and did I hate them? And they hated me. And then a weird sort of phenomenon happened as people would watch the show again. And again. And now they started to know, okay, this is where it's gonna go, this is what's gonna happen, this is how it works. And they started realizing that they were actually feeling things, and that was good. And that they were caring about two people who don't exist. You know, I made them up, and then and Terry Pratchett made them up, and then, um, David Tennant and Michael Sheen gave them life, and then they get to walk around on a screen and you know they don't exist, but you can cry for them, you can love them, they can make you laugh, they can make you exult, and most important of all, they can make you care. And the number of people who are now writing to me, saying, 'This was so important to me. This has changed my life. This makes me feel like I belong. This makes me feel like I can cope. And it's let me sort of find myself. P. S. I hope you get to do Season Three.' is, is huge.

[twopoppies]

Gina, have you seen the article about Hs workout routine for LOT? I mean, we all saw the results… but I find it almost even more impressive to learn how its been done! His dedication and work ethic is so inspiring and surely part of why I adore him so much 🫠🫶

Holy hell. No wonder he’s in such great shape. Just a note that Thibo David was his old trainer with Live On Tour. I assume Brad Gould was his new trainer for Love on Tour. But I doubt his regimen was any less insane.

[…]

If you include the one-mile run and bodyweight challenge, this is the hardest warm-up I’ve ever done, but, given the intensity required for the next two elements I’m promoting them to workout status.

[…]

David says Harry Styles can run a mile in an impressive 5min 13sec—a standard some of the professional athletes David coaches can’t match—but I was urged to run my own race.

[…]

This was far closer to my wheelhouse as a CrossFit fan. I chose to tackle it in alternating sets of 10, transitioning quickly between exercises to finish within the eight-minute limit. But even commando rolling from push-up to sit-up then springing into the squats left me little time to spare.

[…]

I took 7min 39sec, and, somewhat unexpectedly, given I can barbell squat more than 300lb, it was my quads that blew up the most. Whether this was the result of the one-mile run before it or heavy front squats the day before, I couldn’t say, but my thighs were on fire by the final rep.

“I like to say that I train very smart, but you also have to be very stupid sometimes, you know? Do this type of workout in the most stupid way; go hard at the task at hand, like when you throw a ball for a dog and it goes super crazy.

“This is a very good workout for that. Very good at building everything that needs to be added after the aerobic base; aggressiveness, speed, that go-hard mentality.”

[…]

Things did become particularly spicy during round three and four though, as my body began to tire with the sustained effort.

My posterior chain (the muscles running along the back side of the body) took a battering from the kettlebell swings and sandbag-over-shoulders, my already-fried legs felt heavy during the box jumps, and my shoulders grew tired from two minutes of straight clean and presses—it was a serious test of muscular endurance.

[…] I also did 12 total rounds—I wanted the full Styles experience, after all—but I’d live to regret this. The hill I chose grew progressively steeper as I worked my way up it, and by the eighth round I felt like death. My sprints turned to slogs, and the time it took me to complete the distance I established in the first interval grew longer.

[…] The prior running and box jumps didn’t help either, but I got it done eventually in less than 30 minutes.

[…]

This was a relaxing way to wrap up a far from relaxing morning of training, and gave me a second to catch my breath after a monumental effort which lasted a little over two hours.

I swapped his day of training for one of my usual CrossFit sessions and had a lot of fun doing it. Every part of my body felt like it had been put through the ringer thanks to the muscle-burning circuit and lung-taxing running elements. I was also very, very hungry.

Another thing that impressed me was Styles’ evident fitness levels and work ethic; how he has the energy to perform for two hours during a stadium tour is no longer a mystery.

Another thing I liked about my chat with David was his openness and honesty. I often see articles online saying celebrities do a few Pilates classes or HIIT workouts each week to stay in unbelievable shape, and he was keen to dispel this myth.

“Collaborating with Harry Styles was an absolute delight; his commitment is unparalleled,” says David.

“But it’s important to note that this level of training isn’t suitable for everyone. Harry was inherently fit, but achieving the level of fitness needed for this session still required time, work and effort. Rushing into such high-volume workouts can pose risks.”

David also stressed that sessions of this intensity weren’t done every day, and the nature of his workouts will often “depend on the day and the state of the athlete”.

“It’s crucial to emphasize the significance of proper periodization,” says David. “Not every day constituted an intense session. In fact, we strategically incorporated recovery sessions which often involved a light run combined with core exercises and mobility work. Every workout was thoughtfully placed within the overall training plan.”

Read, full article here

x

[halcyon-deluxe]

I wish more people would tune in to Ellie Goulding. She is truly so humble and self aware, and I really like that about her.

I think it's nice that she holds herself to a standard of blunt transparency when it comes to her own branding. She reminds me a lot of Carly Rae Jepsen in that sense.

I don't think there's anything wrong with an overly commercialized pop moment, because those can be really fun and immersive cultural events, but I also think it's very neat when an artist dials back to something more humbling and realistically human. And I think it's especially rad if they remain grounded even when that humbling "persona" doesn't match their album aesthetic. I just really admire that transparency when it comes to celebrities.

Way to stick to your guns EG. She's the queen of being herself.

(Higher Than Heaven slaps btw)

[materialsscienceandengineering]

The precise measurement of electrical resistance is essential in industrial production or electronics -- for example, in the manufacture of high-tech sensors, microchips and flight controls. "Very precise measurements are essential here, as even the smallest deviations can significantly affect these complex systems," explains Professor Charles Gould, a physicist at the Institute for Topological Insulators at the University of Würzburg (JMU). The scientist now for the first time have experimentally implemented a so-called quantum resistance standard that can operate without an externally applied magnetic field. "In physics, standards are used as fixed reference points for the precise measurement of physical quantities and the calibration of measuring instruments," says Gould. "A quantum standard operates based on invariant principles of quantum mechanics, which makes it extraordinarily stable."

Read more.

[arte-rock]

TELLUS #21 - Audio by Visual Artists (Full Album)

The two faces of this tape document different approaches to audio recording - sound and phonetic poetry, music concrete, storytelling, electronics, artists' bands and the sequential repetition of a sound, noise or word(s). - Claudia Gould

00:00 - Joseph Beuys - "Ja Ja Ja Ne Ne Ne", 1970 02:04 - Maurice LemaÓtre - "Lettre Rock", 1958 04:00 - Fillippo Tomasso Marinetti - "La Battaglia di Adrianopoli", 1926 07:01 - Raoul Hausmann - "PoÈmes Phonetiques" (1919-1943) 10:32 - Antonio Russolo - "Corale", "Serenata", 1924 13:09 - Marcel Duchamp - Some texts from "A l'infinitif" (1912-20) 17:13 - Kurt Schwitters - "Die Sonate in Urlauten" (1919-32) 19:19 - Lawrence Weiner - "Having Been Done At / Having Been Done To, Essendo Stato Fatto A", 1973 21:50 - George Brecht - "Comb Music (Comb Event)" 1959-62 21:53 - Patrick Ireland - "Vowel Drawing", 1967 23:04 - Richard Huelsenbeck - "Four Poems from Phantastiche Gebete". 1916 24:37 - Arrigo Lora-Totino and Fogliati - "Poesia Totale", 1968 26:14 - Jean Dubuffet - "Musical Experiences", 1963 28:35 - Mimmo Rotella - "Poemi Fonetici", 1949-75 29:24 - Joan Jonas - "The Anchor Stone", 1988 31:55 - Christian Boltanski - "Reconstruction de Chansons Qui Ont Et Chant", (1944-46)" 34:19 - Ian Murray - "Keeping On Top of the Top Song", 1970 37:40 - Terry Fox - "The Labyrinth Scored for the Purrs of 11 Different Cats", 1976 40:39 - Jonathan Borofsky - "The Standard Chant Pt. 2", 1983 42:14 - Magdalena Abakanowicz - "Cough", 1986 42:55 - Richard Prince with Bob Gober - "Tell Me Everything", 1988 45:03 - Martin Kippenberger - "Bang, Bang", 1987 48:16 - Jack Goldstein - "The Weep", 1978 50:41 - John Armleder - "16 Great Turn-Ons". 1988 51:55 - Terry Allen - "Home On The Range", 1988 55:12 - Gretchen Bender - "Artificial Treatment" 1988 57:59 - Y Pants - "Magnetic Attraction", 1980 01:01:14 - Ed Tomney - "Aquatic Chronicle", 1988 01:04:27 - Susan Hiller - "Magic Lantern", 1987 01:09:28 - Ian Murray - "Keeping on Top of the Top Songs", 1970

[oftlunarialmoon]

Going Against the Current – Royals Lesson!

Originally posted to www.onlyfunthings.org on August 29, 2018

Ciao Royals! Today’s lesson is about something that can be difficult- going against the current. It can be hard to do something that doesn’t mesh with the mainstream trends or social norms. Today we’re going to talk about why it’s perfectly fine to go against the norms and how to feel more confident doing your own thing.

Recently I felt pressured to change myself and my blog to fit in with norms. I felt like I had to do things like dress “normal” and make my blog into a place for only serious topics. But I knew deep down that isn’t who I am. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those things. They just aren’t me). And though I felt pressured to change, I knew I just couldn’t change myself so much and be happy.

Truth is, real happiness can come from just being who you are inside. You will only feel miserable if you try to change yourself to meet other’s standards. Be true to yourself, because the real you is amazing and perfect and wonderful just how you are.

But it can be hard to reject these norms being forced on you, and it can be scary to be yourself. How can we build the confidence to be ourselves in a world that tries to break us down?

OFT has some resources on confidence, including:

-How to Have Confidence without Tearing Others Down

-Why You Should Stop Saying “Sorry” For Everything

-5 Ways to Love Yourself

And these may help you in your journey, but today we’re talking specifically about how to combat the pressures of society and your peers to conform.

Tip #1- Surround yourself with friends who love you for who you are.

It can be seriously awful when the criticism you face for being yourself is coming from those close to you, so make sure to surround yourself with people who love you for your true self. Throughout high school I had friends who didn’t really like me for who I was, they tried to change me and make me into what they wanted for me. Some of them liked who I was at first, but later when I grew as a person and learned new things about life, and wanted to change some of my behaviors, they didn’t like me anymore. But now I’ve surrounded myself with loving and supportive peers who support my dreams and platonically love me for who I am. 

Tip #2- Be kind, no matter what.

There will be people who will be judgmental of you even if you are kind, but kindness is truly the way to combat judgement. I admit I have difficulty with this sometimes, like if I’m dressed up in my usual somewhat eccentric fashion and somebody stares at me, I have a hard time making myself smile back instead of glare. It can be very, very hard to combat judgement with kindness. But if you can manage it, in the end you will be happier for it.

Tip #3- Have some music you can turn to.

Music is a powerful thing. And in times of darkness, confusion, sadness, or anything else, I like to turn to music. Some of my favorite songs for building confidence are:

-          Dancing’s Not a Crime by Panic! At The Disco

-          High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco

-          Thunder by Imagine Dragons

-          Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons

-          SING by My Chemical Romance

-          Legend by The Score

-          Unstoppable by The Score

-          Higher by The Score

-          Centuries by Fall Out Boy

-          Burn by Ellie Goulding

Remember, inside of you is a brilliant light. Don’t let anyone dim it. Don’t let society’s norms dim your shining, brilliant light. (For more on the topic of a brilliant light inside you that you shouldn’t let dim, check out this article !)

Thank you so much for reading today, royals. I hope you can use this advice to find your way in the ocean of life and not get swept up in the undertow of societal opinion.

Remember to Stay Awesome and Love Yourself!

[maverick-werewolf]

NEW NONFICTION BOOK - Sabine Baring-Gould's The Book of Werewolves, Annotated and Translated

Big announcement, just in time for Halloween! This source is useful not only on werewolves, but on many other subjects as well, including general shapeshifter legends and more.

Originally written in 1865, Sabine Baring-Gould's The Book of Were-Wolves is still considered among the best of sources in the field of werewolf studies, as well as folklore studies and the occult. A passionate dive into the folkloric and real history of werewolves, witches and sorcerers, and even madmen and serial killers, Baring-Gould takes a scientific approach to "proving" the reality behind werewolf legends. In doing so, he discusses werewolf legends across history, with particular focus on Scandinavia and the Renaissance / Early Modern eras, and even discusses other shapeshifter folklore from around the world, as well as providing trial accounts of famous killers such as Gilles de Rais. This book is a must-have for scholars in multiple fields and anyone interested in the history of the werewolf legend. The editor's contribution of annotations and translations provide further context to Baring-Gould's work, but his words in themselves are unabridged and uncensored from his original text.

This fully annotated edition of Sabine Baring-Gould's The Book of Werewolves includes:

Academic critique, comments, analyses, and comparisons to modern scholarship

Explanations of folklore and historical context

Translations of quoted passages

Bibliography and list of other helpful reading

Fully formatted and edited manuscript (with table of contents) updated to modern standards

Click here to purchase on Amazon.com, available in ebook/digital, paperback, and hardback!

If you haven't seen it, also be sure to sign up for my free newsletter if you want to keep track of my work, be the first to stay informed, and get free monthly folklore facts (werewolf facts, vampire facts, and more) in your inbox! You'll also get a free full short story and a long preview of my most popular work, the nonfiction book The Werewolf: Past and Future, for subscribing.

Website --- Patreon --- Wulfgard --- Werewolf Fact Masterlist

[nialls-gorgeous-colors]

Shawn and Niall's public dating history doesn't match the themes and narratives of their songwriting

Mannn… if you actually take the time to look at Shawn’s and Niall’s dating history…. Where are these passionate songs coming from if you buy into the general public narrative 😭 Shawn’s literally supposedly dated 2 people 😭

And it didn’t start until 2017 😭 which albums are typically written A YEAR AT LEAST before they are released. Shawn Mendes Self Titled was released on May 25, 2018. Illuminate was released on April 20, 2017.

And then he’s singing about hoping someone will be by his side and being with someone “who cares if they approve”…. The media and fans were wanting him and C to get together… where are these obstacles of being together 😭

Niall’s dating history is so weird, like, don’t even get me started. It’s so full of PR and short bursts of being with someone?? Women who have even issued statements and denied when asked that they were anything romantic??? Where are all of these passionate songs coming from?? Who is he showing up at their door soaking wet? Where are these obstacles??? Wedding song???

Why is he needing to tell someone there’s “no judgement” (it’s romantic with a “mate and… you know”. No, it’s not about Harry please stop?) when they’re together??? Who is he missing so much he needs a “new angel”?? This Town: Who is he saying “if the whole world was watching I’d still dance with you” about”?? Why wouldn’t anyone he’s been with be accepted???

There’s so much that begs to be said about all of this. Shawn invalidating his whole discography (saying it’s all about Camila???) in his documentary still makes me so incredibly sad. That doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t all line up, nor do the themes match up with his life history with her. Please 😭

Make it make sense. 🤨😭 whomever made him say that had no idea what they were doing. They expected the fans to just blindly accept what came out of his mouth.

I have talked with his fans who believe that he was writing so many songs about her… and to believe it, you have to think that he’s just sitting on the sidelines for years just pining away for her while she’s with other guys??? That doesn’t even match with his songs???

I know I’m going back and forth between the two but there’s so much of Niall’s that don’t make sense either. It starts with Barbara Palvin, who was starting out her modeling career who was connected with Niall in 2013-2014. If you don’t think he stunted, then what’s this?

Amelia Lily (yup another Amelia) 2011-2012. There’s later an article about her DENYING anything went on and that she was actually dating an electrician dude.

He was connected briefly with Ellie Goulding who would greatly benefit from the clout boost in Aug-Sept 2013. Meh. Standard music industry stuff.

Melissa Whitelaw, an Australian student, Feb-June 2015 so says a DM article. There’s papwalks complete with the weird backseat photos. Her looking out the window while Niall is awkwardly trying to cope with what he’s being subjected to, see below.

And there’s Celine Helene Vandycke, yet another student. This time she’s Belgian. They show up at events with his arm around her shoulders. They’re only together about a month or two in 2016. Again, here’s the customary car backseat photo published in DM.

And then there Hailee Steinfeld, in 2017-2018. Niall never confirms it but there’s really awkward (while walking across the street?? Like??? Wtf???) kissing pics that exist. She wears his merch. She shows up to a m&g during his tour. They “breakup” then the narrative is she released a song called “Wrong Direction” but denies it’s about him. (Great PR move, Hailee.)

Then it brings us to Amelia Woolley, pandemic lockdown lady. Met in Apr 2020, UK lockdown started in Mar. Dramatic story how they met in tabloids. Niall tore her away from her electrician boyfriend. They now do papwalks and she shows up at golf and events. Everyone forgets about her.

So….. I repeat…. where’s the kind of longterm love along the ways that’s sparked their work and matches the themes of their songs??? Please let me know if you find it???

And yes I know there’s some typos, the timeline also isn’t exact. But that’s the thing about these “relationships” that are arranged. Dates are messy because no one actually knows them. 😂

[dutifullylazybread]

5 Song/4 Outfits - Tav Tag!!

I was tagged by @faerunsbest! Thank you so much! I'm late, but it definitely gave me time to think about song selections for this tag!!

Okay, I have to tag @commander-krios. Juniper is part bard, so I feel like this is a missed opportunity if I don't!! I'm also gonna tag @voloslobotomyservice and @the-real-housewives-of-waterdeep. As always, if you weren't listed but you wanna do this, consider yourself tagged!

5 Songs

Follow My Feet - The Unlikely Candidates

Titanium - David Guetta - Cover by Caleb Hyles and Anna Pantsu

Forgive Me Friend - Smith & Thell feat. Swedish Jam Factory

Ends of The Earth - Lord Huron

Let Down - RadioHead

BONUS - my favourite ship songs for Tav x Rolan (Deeply and Immovably So)

Little Talks - Mice and Men

Something Just Like This - Coldplay and the Chainsmokers

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding (but I love this cover that Kurt Hugo Schneider did with MAX & Madilyn Bailey)

Loved by You - KIRBY

Lover's Mask - Theophony Remix

A BONUS TO THE BONUS - Songs That Readers Suggested (Thank you!!):

Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

We Can't Be Friends - Ariana Grande

Heavy In Your Arms - Florence + The Machine

4 Outfits

Ah! I love this so much!! I'm going to put this under a cut, because I haven't sketched since high school (and, like, one picture I drew in undergrad), so I think I'd make a mess of it! So we're working with picture boards, y'all!

CAMP CLOTHES - ACT 1/2

When Tav first is captured by the Nautiloid, she has her standard wizard robes (can't afford anything too fancy) and the clothing she would wear while working on commissions (though she would likely wear the typical camp clothes under an apron/gloves to protect herself from burns). So she has the homely clothes, but they are singed and sweat-stained from working near a furnace.

Image Via bg3 wiki

CAMP CLOTHES - ACT 3

With some convincing, Tav splurges and buys the Solemnity Outfit (purple). Gale and the others urge her to get a nice set of clothes for herself, because the clothing she'd worn up until that point were basically falling apart. She isn't the type to really care what she wears so long as it continues to be functional. So the moment it stops functioning is the moment that she will agree to make any needed replacements.

BATTLE ATTIRE - ACT THREE

By the end of Act 3, Tav has traded her very basic wizard robes for the Potent Robes. She would either keep these their default color or dye them Boreal Blue. These would be what she wears while fighting, and she also wears them while working in Sorcerous Sundries.

Image via BG3 wiki

PERFORMANCE CLOTHES/COSTUME

After the Netherbrain is defeated and Tav is staying at Ramazith's Tower, she occasionally helps with the performances outside of Sorcerous Sundries. She wears a red costume with gold accents.

Basic picture board (images via Google):

Basically, her outfit is closest in color and style to the fourth picture with the long sleeves, but the sleeves start below the shoulder like in images 2 and 3. And then she has lacing in the back like in image 1. The only really difference besides that is she has a straight strapless neckline.

BONUS:

She also borrows a dress from Nym Orlith during for reasons... 😏

(image via BG3 wiki)

[nonesuchrecords]

“What I find most compelling about her is her musical adventurousness, her willingness to voyage across centuries and make the music of different times, cultures, and mindscapes uniquely her own,” Brian Levine says of Cécile McLorin Salvant, his guest on The Gould Standard, the Glenn Gould Foundation podcast. “Cécile’s questing spirit is fully on display in her newest album, Mélusine, and its predecessor, Ghost Song.” You can watch their conversation—the first of two parts, with the second forthcoming—here.

[geeoharee]

Baring-Gould's dates are driving me up the wall again. I opened the Annotated to find out why the 'February' of Beryl Coronet has become December, and got a full column explaining that he could only find four days in the correct decade when it had snowed this much, and one of them was a Sunday which was obviously impossible for other reasons, and...

I mean, I can see why you'd use the weather to help draw conclusions, but after constructing a whole extra marriage for Watson just to get some married cases into 1887, why does he abandon Mary Morstan for the whole of 1890?

He accepts the standard 'put three cases in 1890' restriction, and then picks Wisteria Lodge, Silver Blaze, and Beryl Coronet. These aren't even ambiguously-married stories. WIST opens with Holmes and Watson at lunch in Baker Street, SILV has Watson sitting around for 'a whole day' while Holmes paces and tries to decide whether to take the case, and BERY has the two of them looking out of the window one morning when the client arrives. He puts them in March, September, and December.

What was the last case before 1890 started? Ah, Crooked Man, naturally. Which opens "a few months after my marriage" and is placed in September 1889. Absolute clown chronology

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/08/2024 (Post Malone/Luke Combs, Central Cee, Calvin Harris/Ellie Goulding)

For a fifth week, Sabrina Carpenter remains atop the UK Singles Chart with “Please Please Please”, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, lesbian sex, confusion

Rundown

As always, we start the episode with our notable dropouts, those being songs that exit the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 and first of all, that Eminem album really crashes out this week as both “Habits” featuring White Gold and “Brand New Dance”, only lasting a single week, make their exit. As for the rest, well, Charli xcx switches out “Girl, so confusing” - helped by its Lorde-featuring duet version - with another song we’ll get back to, but other than that, we say farewell to “the boy is mine” by Ariana Grande (also helped by a remix with Brandy and Monica), “Addicted” by Zerb, The Chainsmokers and Ink, “Illusion” by Dua Lipa, “Viva la Vida” by Coldplay and, though it’s not notable, just for fun, we say goodbye to a brave soldier, “Pink Lemonade (Str8 Reload)” by LeoStayTrill. Song of the Summer indeed.

One thing you may notice this week is that older songs had a particularly nice lift, and this shows in our re-entries, as other than Ariana Grande’s “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” returning to #66, we see a massive resurgence for *NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye”, so massive and manufactured that the song now claims to be “from” the Deadpool and Wolverine soundtrack. Yeah, okay, Justin, anything to recover your world tour. Timberlake’s boy band debuted at a #3 peak with the song in 2000, with the #1 on that week also being a debut for Madonna’s derided cover of “American Pie”. “Bye Bye Bye” only lasted 10 weeks on the chart but definitely made itself a cultural staple due to its ear-worm chorus and iconic music video, leading Anne-Marie to interpolate it in her #3-peaking “2002” from 2018. That song’s uninterrupted five-week run at #3 saw #1s from Calvin Harris, Jess Glynne, Clean Bandit and George Ezra pass it by, and I reviewed all of that back when I was just starting. The *NSYNC hit is back thanks to the release of the aforementioned superhero movie that has high enough praise on aggregate sites like Rotten Tomatoes as well as genuine fan push evident from how high this song is, that it might help the declining Marvel universe. Why am I pretending to care about that?

As for our notable gains, we see plenty of hefty boosts this week for “Ain’t No Love in Oklahoma” by Luke Combs at #56 off of the continued success of its film, Twisters, “Smalltown Boy” by Bronski Beat at #55, “You & Me” by Disclosure featuring Eliza Doolittle at #51, “WILDFLOWER” by Billie Eilish at #45, “The Door” by Teddy Swims at #25, “Move” by Adam Port, Stryv and Malachiii at #18, “Apple” and “360” by Charli xcx at #14 and #12 respectively (more on her later) and finally, making their first entry in the top 10 for whatever reason, BL3SS, CamrinWatson and bbyclose - all clearly household hitmakers - are at #7 with “Kisses”. The song’s not bad at all, but I just never would have expected it to be this successful, even if ACR might be paying it some favours.

As usual, our top five should look pretty standard, aside from a decent jump for Dasha as the already long-lasting top 10 “Austin (Boots Stop Workin’)” - yes, it’s been renamed for easier clicks - is up to #5. Otherwise, we’re all familiar with “Stargazing” by Myles Smith at #4, “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” by Billie Eilish at #3 and “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan reaching a new peak of #2, and of course, Sabrina at the top. What should be much more interesting though is our mixed batch of fascinating new song a bit lower down on the chart, which we’ll have to get through now.

New Entries

#71 - “Gold Mine” - Aitch and D-Block Europe

Produced by AoD and Jacob Manson

Damn, what other way to start an episode is better than to begin the new entries with my boys Young Adz and Dirtbike Lb? …and some white guy. Okay, Aitch isn’t awful and has displayed a degree of personality over the years - though not often as a lead artist - but one thing I’ll never care to hear from him is relationship drama, especially with one of the laziest beats I have ever heard on this show. A singular acoustic guitar line that already cuts out abruptly is then cut in a rush that makes it sound like flipping paper, then we have some of the cheapest trap drums available - I hate that snare - and it’s way too stagnant to go for the West Coast swagger it clearly attempts, though Aitch’s personality-void vocals aren’t helping matters. For some reason, Youthful Advertisements, going for a sing-songy flow and incomprehensible sense of flow on the chorus, is way louder than everything surrounding him and decides to croon about having his tongue in a woman’s ass - classy - whilst Dirtbike Lb seems to not understand he’s on a relationship song until the end of his verse. Aitch is the only one on topic, but he’s my least favourite presence on here - it’s insane just how better this nearly objectively terrible beat sounds with Dirtbike on it instead of Aitch. There are some vaguely cool lines but nothing special, and his flow isn’t new for him, but there’s something so effortless and liquidy to how Dirtbike appears on a track nowadays that appeals to me. And yes, though this may not be the song for it, I agree that I hope the situation in Palestine turns around. I have no faith that it will and whilst this is a throwaway line in an otherwise unrelated song, it should show how much the youth care about the genocide that a pop-rapper is bringing it up so casually. Wait, isn’t this an Aitch song?

#67 - “Lonely Road” - mgk and Jelly Roll

Produced by SlimXX, BazeXX, Charlie Handsome and Travis Barker

Okay, I’ll bite: who’s this new, abbreviated figure of mystery who goes by the simple three litters, mgk? I wonder who could be hiding behind there. Jokes aside, it makes perfect sense for Machine Gun Kelly to take his awkward, triple-barrel name and shorten it down to what everyone was calling him anyway - especially for him, as his name is long enough for it to be very noticeable in Spotify and YouTube titles. Hiding as “mgk” makes it much clearer and easier for you to see “Jelly Roll” on the title for this YouTube video, which could be obscured if he used his full name, which would be a massive turn-off for any Jelly Roll fans with taste. Given that Mr. Jelly has songs with Falling in Reverse and HARDY, I would assume this is not an issue, but part of me does find it amusing how this guy had a song with Eminem just three weeks back and is now hopping on to duet with mgk.

This is actually Jelly Roll’s first time charting and whilst he has a history in underground country rap, he’s recently brought a belting presence to country and rock stations in the US through his rougher but mostly accessible country rock and soul tracks that have gained him a slow-burn following Stateside, yet - perhaps unsurprisingly - he’s yet to crossover to the UK. We love our big, gruff rock belter guys though so I don’t supect it’ll be long, and this track seems to be the UK’s first taste of the J-Man. Is it a good first impression? Well, given the Travis Barker production credit, this seems to be more the first impression for whatever mgk’s next album will be but unfortunately, if you thought that maybe country and rock would be safe from nostalgia-bait sampling, you will be devastated to know that our story starts in 1971.

John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads” is one of the most iconic country songs of all time. Whilst Denver always associated himself with Colorado, the ode to West Virginia became so famous that it’s now one of their state anthems. A pop song becoming raised to even that standard is really honourable, though perhaps expectedly, the late Denver’s version never crossed over to the UK charts, though it has of course appeared in various alternate versions because everyone and their mother has covered it… and I mean everyone and their mother: literal mother Olivia Newton-John took it to #15 in 1973 (the #1 was “Blockbuster” by the Sweet) and a mother to many online, Lana Del Rey, covered the song just last year as a way to signal the start of her country era. The West Virginia anthem didn’t return to the charts until it found its way there in the year 2000 in possibly the most bizarro world way: Melky Sedeck sang a brief parody of the song in the bridge to Wyclef Jean’s hilarious #3 hit “It Doesn’t Matter” featuring, of all people, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The #1 the week of its peak was Modjo’s “Lady (Hear Me Tonight)” but please, I beg of you, take a listen to that batshit song that to this day, is the highest-charting rendition of “Take Me Home, Country Roads” in the UK and I’m not even joking. The next year, a Dutch Europop group Hermes House Band would make a more standard cover that peaked at #7 in 2001, whilst the #1 was Daniel Bedingfield’s “Gotta Get Thru This” and the #2 was “Murder on the Dancefloor” - funny how those things turn out - and another straggling cover by the Revellers hit #86 the week before. Now, once again, Denver’s anthem is back on the UK Singles Chart thanks to… Machine Gun Kelly and Travis Barker. 2024, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, you may be wondering: was all that background history worth it for mgk and Jelly Roll? And the obvious answer to that is, “No, but it was more interesting than telling you the obvious fact than an mgk song sucks, right?”. Turning “country roads” into “lonely road” in the intro of the song, pushing the chorus ahead to catch your interest due to the sample, is just pathetic and cynical in a way that I should probably expect mgk to be now, but still hits a sour note, especially given the verses seem to use reference humour - except without the humour - to rock bands like Taking Back Sunday and The Devil Wears Prada who are… decidedly not country, these are punk bands. The Taking Back Sunday reference made me sigh and nearly turn it off, but when the fake snap beat came in, I knew that this was going to a bro-country-rap fusion that, surprisingly for two people who came up in rap, is surprisingly awkward! I like Jelly Roll, but I’d prefer if mgk weren’t showering his echoed backing vocals behind him for no reason, let alone that shitty trap beat, but that southern, gritty texture in his voice is at least much more preferable to mgk’s nasal drawl. I honestly think the song if it were just Mr. Roll and the female backing vocalists would be somewhat salvageable… oh, what am I kidding? A country-rap-rock hybrid interpolation of “Take Me Home, Country Roads” produced by Travis Barker is horrible basically on principle. There’s some comedy in it, I suppose, but it’s otherwise a gross attempt at a monogenre comeback for a guy who’s not respected in a single one of the scenes he’s fusing together… and I’m starting to think he doesn’t respect any of those genres either, because this is sad.

#63 - “365” - Charli xcx

Produced by A.G. Cook and Cirkut

It’s… kind of weird that this is charting, right? It’s a tad extraneous: a book-end song intended to close off the BRAT album by calling back to its opener and most successful single, “360”. Charli will have a fuller song debut next week as Billie Eilish cameos on the new version of “Guess”, so this’ll be one week where “360” essentially deposits two similar but not identical spaces on the chart. That’s not to say “365” isn’t good or is just a remix because that is far from the case. After a rollercoaster array of different beats, hooks and emotional progression, we return to the glitchy buzz of “360”, one that’s almost quaint by the end of the record, with the “bumpin’ that” mantra ending each line in what is essentially a singular, continuous verse building up for the whole song, with the funnelling switch early on bringing a thundering bass and acidic rhythm to the song that separates it absolutely from “360”, if the new inclusions of less playful or even likeable lyrics, painting the image of the “it girl” from that first track being way too far gone, didn’t already do that for you. The original song takes a lot of restraint to make it an opener that doesn’t alienate you with its sonic palette, whilst bringing you some signature ugliness in the back of the mix, but Cook goes fully wild on here, especially in that disgusting drop by the end that drowns out every melodic element, filtering it behind a slodging hardcore bass that eventually fuses with the vocal lead to an unrecognisable, inhuman slush… yet Charli still gets the last laugh, even in pitch-shifted form, reminding you at the last second that she’s still “bumpin’ that”. It may not make much sense as a single, which it isn’t trying to be, but it’s a brilliant production and inspired way to close the album. Sure, it wouldn’t resonate nearly as much if it weren’t for the fact that “360” existed, but that’s so much of the song’s appeal in its distortion and looping of some of that track’s core elements, so “365” doesn’t really need to stand on its own… and given “Guess” is coming, probably for a top 40 placement, I doubt it will need to stand on its own on the charts for very long.

#53 - “Sailor Song” - Gigi Perez

Produced by Gigi Perez and Noah Weinman

Gigi Perez, according to her website, is on tour in October and is signed to Interscope. She… she doesn’t tell me anything else, what’s the point of even having a website nowadays if it’s only links to your social media accounts and music videos? We don’t even get a bio, but thankfully on Spotify, she gives us this detailed description of her music and her backstory. It reads, ahem, “Sims 2 emo lesbian love story but in the medium of music”. So… Little Miss Buzzwords here actually went semi-viral back in 2021 with the sleeper hit “Sometimes (Backwood)”, which boasts over 100 million streams on Spotify and is a largely structureless, lo-fi song, wherein the vocal mix echoes itself into crossing gender boundaries a little, whilst also telling a full story of a relationship, singing about some of what made them work, what made them break up, and the sexually-charged intro the song’s subtitled after. I’m not that big of a fan of the song’s undetailed writing or demo flavour, but I can see the appeal, even if her vocals on that track are really not great, but it is a debut and it shows some ambition and a unique sound that I figured would be expanded upon in “Sailor Song”, released a year after her debut EP, and yes, this is more like it.

Weinman brings a cleaner production to Perez’s acoustic racket, with a warped jazz sample occupying the back of the mix, smoothly texturing the fast-paced indie guitars and that wonderful falsetto chant in the intro that is incredibly catchy in itself without even getting to the verses. “Sailor Song” is similar in tone to the first part of “Sometimes”, being an awestruck sex song where, in her unique, imperfect vocal recording and tone that reminds me of maybe a Left at London, but many others I can’t quite put my finger on right now, she gets down and dirty with a girl that reminds her of Anne Hathaway. For a song without much in the way of bass or production, there is a swagger and groove to it that makes the sexual lyrics not come across as awkward as they could have, with that chorus not only giving a wistful touch through the clever ending lyric, “I sleep so I can see you ‘cause I hate to wait so long”, but also justifying the “sailor” comparison by getting pretty raunchy, including blasphemy and admitting that she’s covered in, well, glistening girl juices… on the second chorus, it’s the other way around, in a subtle twist of perspective. The general tone of secrecy surrounding their rendezvous is emphasised by how she may burst into a louder delivery but it’s tempered with softer crooning, even if it’s the same lines being sung, and frankly, it’s been a while since I’ve heard a sex song this poetically written whilst still getting as horny as it does. I’m surprised I like it as much as I do but this is a brilliant song and I hope that within the recent wave of sapphic pop songs led by Chappell Roan, that the charts can find a place for this too.

#42 - “Somedays” - Sonny Fodera, Jazzy and D.O.D

Produced by Sonny Fodera and D.O.D

I see that Mr. Fodera actually produced this one, or at least didn’t forget to add himself to the production credit on Spotify like on “Mind Still”. Regardless, this seems to be a new trio assorted through recent UK chart recurring characters, particularly in EDM, with Fodera joined by fellow house producer D.O.D, whose work I consistently enjoyed and can be seen on best hits list for last year, as well as Irish singer Jazzy who may have surpassed her sketchy breakout with Belters Only in the eyes of the public but has yet to prove herself as much of interest outside of being a relatively anonymous dance-pop vocalist for me. As far as this goes, she doesn’t need to be much more, as that is exactly her role, even if it could have been played by the marginally more interesting Clementine Douglas, who co-wrote the song, and sadly, this is very much a generic house-pop song, fine-tuned to fit all audiences. It’s got flat yet anthemic pianos in the pre-drop, a rote four-on-the-floor beat, even flatter future house bass synths as a lead for much of the build and enough reverb to mean amateur remixers only need to put “(slowed)” above this one, yet despite that, the drop still lands on a weirdly dry, anti-climactic note. The composition is fine, it’s sequenced as you’d expect a song like this to be, and Jazzy’s performance is okay even if that lead vocal reminds me of Flo Rida’s “I Cry”, almost distractingly so. It’s just that it’s all so processed that it’s hard to fish much personality out of me for me. I kind of like the farty bass they introduce in the final drop but not only is it not exactly atypical for this song of song but it’s also too little, too late. Sure, it’s serviceable, but when EDM, including house-pop, has been breaching more genre boundaries and delivering great pop music over the past couple years on the UK charts, including from people involved in this very track, I don’t think I’ll settle for the more generic leftovers. Sorry.

#36 - “Free” - Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding

Produced by Calvin Harris

If this song debuted nine spots higher, I’d be five pounds richer. Anyway, this is the latest collab between the duo of Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding, coming really not that long after “Miracle”, and going for a… surprisingly very different approach, probably because Harris already rettried the formula with Sam Smith on “Desire”. Instead, Harris goes for an anthemic piano hardcore track that I felt the need to check WhoSampled for since it is so clearly referential, if not a straight throwback, to that era of 90s breakbeat rave with diva vocals. What’s wonderful about this modern revision, however, is not just the inclusion of webby synths to elevate the song to cosmic textures amidst the piano stabs but also how much Goulding is not a diva. She doesn’t belt as much as she careens smoothly through the mix, becoming a very breathy presence as she holds that “free” in the chorus, taking it to a really interesting, nuanced delivery that could have just been held in one note but was taken to more interesting levels, similar to how she could have punched in “free” to the “when I’m with you, I…” take but let herself fall short of the full line to not only get a more organic take but also to ensure the resolve of that line, when it’s finally completed, hits satisfyingly. Goulding brings a really unique and subtle approach, furthered by the lack of much in the way of lyrics, that textures Harris’ always top-notch production. The actual lengthening of the “free” vocal in the drop to hold the note before breaking down in a glitchy stutter behind the pianos and drums is a sick way to distinguish the chorus from what follows, and whilst I’m not exactly a fan of the muddier mix the factorial drums take in the verse afterwards, especially given the subtle, angelic melodies are the best asset this song has so covering them doesn’t do wonders, I appreciate the risk taken in regards to the progression of the song. It has a build-and-drop structure, but the two parts play off of each other and are placed within a more nuanced composition instead of just being there for clubs’ sake. What I’d really love to hear, however, are some remixes as, to my surprise, none exist yet for this song! Extended, five to eight minute edits of the fantastic foundation this song lays down, by other producers and DJs in breakbeat scenes, could turn what is a good song executed carefully but not perfectly, into something I adore if you bring the right guys on, especially if the remixers can trace their roots back into those classic 90s rave scenes. For now, this is good, but it can - and knowing Calvin Harris, probably will - be expanded upon into something genuinely transcendent with a little time and care.

#34 - “gen z luv” - Central Cee

Produced by Ambezza and Peter Iskander

…Excuse me? Are we doing this? Sigh, okay. The increasing memefication of a clearly talented and interesting Central Cee into a zoned-out crossover novelty rapper digs him deeper into mediocrity every time he releases some new gimmicky single, and “gen z luv”, as you may expect from its title, is no exception. It’s not just “gen z luv”, it’s “FYP love”, “IG love” and God, I have never felt older listening to a song. Hell, I feel second-hand embarrassment for Cench as whilst I’m sure the millions and easy access to Ice Spice helps for now, but if I were 40 years old looking back at my life accomplishments, and I saw “gen z luv”, I think I’d rediscover my relationship with the big guy upstairs. There’s a certain ugliness to parading the idea of having kids with his current relationship when he just ditched his long-time partner, who he previously referenced in “Doja”, for a viral pop-rapper, especially when above this garish production mixing cheap, muddy loops with half-finished drill percussion and an almost eerie key note reminiscent of Kanye West’s “Say You Will” more than anything actually loving or “Gen Z” for that matter.

The line “Usin’ words [that are] not my usual language” may be more telling than Cench thinks. He’s basically just rapping buzzwords and trendy phrases in about as smooth a way as someone in a board room taking algorithmic phrases they see spread on TikTok and Instagram would - for someone who is seemingly a part of the generation he’s “celebrating” on this song, there’s a lot of “how do you do, fellow kids?” energy to how he constructs the bars. A few highlights include that in the chorus, he bemoans that people call their love “childish”, and that he must agree because she’s his “baby” - gross! - and that he starts the first verse by basically giving a middle finger to the audience that he started out with, by saying “My crisis ain’t from cost of living”… man, fuck off. More than anything, this song just renders as sad and boring, but maybe I’m just not in tune with the youth of today or something because I saw how people older than me reacted to mid-2010s trap with a similar distaste. Cench just finds new ways to disappoint me and alienate anyone who either doesn’t understand or doesn’t give a shit about the kind of social media “aura” he surrounds himself with. When it comes down to it, this debuted lower than it should have for Cench. People want to hear bars, man. I don’t know what this really qualifies as but I’m damn sure a lot of the audience for his harder street drill cuts, or even a more general audience who found him through “Sprinter”, won’t care for this one at all, if it’s not just genuinely incomprehensible for them. And yes, I’m very much included in that last section.

#26 - “Guy for That” - Post Malone featuring Luke Combs

Produced by Louis Bell, Charlie Handsome and Hoskins

Posty’s fishing for another hit through the third of these country duets, this time with American megastar Luke Combs, who has charted decently in the UK before with his “Fast Car” cover. As I said before, the UK may not like country music too much, but it likes its big, gruff, rough-and-tumble singer-songwriters, and Combs fits that bill more so than, say, Morgan Wallen. Combs’ more homegrown and honest position in country worried me as it could be less of a neat fit for Post, who even in his country songs has his foot clearly embedded in the pop rock sphere, and yeah, this is evidently his weakest country track yet. This is Post’s third ode to bromance in this album cycle - which is of note when there’s only been three singles - but the detailed lyrics here give it an edge that not only is reminiscent of the same 90s and 2000s country he has in his “country forever” playlist on Spotify but also places it even further into Luke Combs’ territory. He’s been writing about fatherhood recently, so it’s fully in his wheelhouse to evoke the dad trope of having a “guy for that” - a friend you can call up or drive to for each and every little problem he may have. However, this may be Post’s least convincing performance thus far, as he stumbles on the wordiness of the verses and practically murmurs some of the chorus which fills so many words in and is so unnecessarily lengthy that it honestly confused me… and that’s because it tacks on relationship drama to the song for no real reason. Post hasn’t got a “guy for” fixing his relationship, but this seems so pointless when it’s only part of a song mostly preoccupied with listing near-comical situations. This sitcom of a song has Post so desperate to prove his fumbling warble over honestly stale country pop that he refuses to even let the fiddles have room to breathe - what does that tacked-on post-chorus riffing do other than muddy the momentum of the track, which is barely there in the first place?

Even Luke Combs performs bizarrely here as whilst his vocal tone makes more sense, he’s talking about knowing a guy who has a time machine and flexing about his brand new AP watch... what?! You’re Luke Combs, is that supposed to be a brag rap? I can accept being silly but when it comes in tiny flashes in an otherwise stale song, it stands out as tonally unfitting or just desperate. The duo really took the 2000s country pop throwback to its slightest detail as well, as unsubtle Auto-Tune is quietly smothered on some of Combs’ overly patched-up vocal. Why get Luke Combs on to practically take over the track, which ends with some cinematic petering off instead of an actual bridge or narrative resolution where the two can display any chemistry, if you’re going to take the soul out of his performance?

“I Had Some Help” was catchy enough to convince me somewhat on Post’s reinvention but the two following singles have demonstrated some wide open holes in how he approaches this genre, and how awfully the guest vocalists have been implemented. Part of that may be Louis Bell, whose production is fine but he and Post have yet to write any of these songs to have any impact or feel like anything more than a simple, breezy sing-a-long you don’t like but put up with when it plays on the radio during a road trip. Post’s uniquely ambivalent take on the country genre clearly comes from his history in pop-rap, but the last-minute clean-up has been slowly wearing thinner as more music from this album is released, and I am honestly worried that this upcoming album, which I was excited for previously, will end up just as faceless and subtly dysfunctional in the mode it wants to perceive itself in as this track was, purely for the sake of pushing Post headfirst into a trendy movement whilst sticking with songs short enough to gather virality, jeopardising the genuine chance it has to tell a story. I don’t like this song at all, and it has me really concerned if this malformed “duet” is what ends up being the last-ditch attempt at not having the Morgan collab overshadow the rollout entirely.

Conclusion

Yeah, it’s obvious who’s getting Worst of the Week here, though Central Cee’s “gen z luv” has genuine challenge from the Dishonourable Mention, “Lonely Road” by mgk and Jelly Roll. There was a lot this week that was pretty bad, though, but at least it was in an interesting way this time around, and there was a lot to balance it out: Charli xcx gets Best of the Week for “365” whilst Gigi Perez is trailing close behind with “Sailor Song” as the Honourable Mention. As for what’s on the horizon, Charli of course is coming with Billie but the rest may be a bit of an unexpected jumble of tracks - I can pray for Jamie xx and The Avalanches but it’s more likely we see some bubbling under songs get a good week to break through. For now though, thanks for reading, long live Cola Boyy and I’ll see you next week!

[stephensmithuk]

A Scandal in Bohemia

This is the first of the short stories to be published in The Strand. The character was of course clearly established by this point in A Study in Scarlet and The Sign of the Four, which were both serialised in other magazines.

Holmes as aroace - we've got some pretty clear textual implications here. Baring-Gould's belief Holmes and Adler became lovers is rather unfounded, IMHO.

Trincomalee is a port city in what is now Sri Lanka. That would have been a rather long trip for Holmes!

A "slavey" is a maidservant. Watson's wife has let her go for incompetence.

Egria seems to be a mis-rendition of Eger, now the Czech border town of Cheb. Albrecht von Wallenstein was a mercenary commander on the Catholic side in the Thirty Years' War, considered one of the most successful mercs of all time - until he got caught plotting against the Holy Roman Emperor (seemingly trying to negotiate a peace deal behind his back) and was assassinated by his own commanders.

Carlsbad is now Karlovy Vary in Czechia. The German name is used by no less than three American cities.

There was a King of Bohemia, but it was one of the titles held by the Austro-Hungarian Emperor by this point. Franz Joseph I did have a long-standing platonic relationship with an Austrian actress, but was otherwise pretty restrained by the standards of European monarchs.

One popularly cited inspiration for Adler is Lillie Langtry, an American actress who was one of the then Prince of Wales' many mistresses and had a very interesting life, including being the first celebrity "endorser".

A brougham is a four-wheeled carriage with an enclosed compartment for four passengers and an open seat at the front for a driver plus footman. Named after a politician called Lord Brougham.

"Adventress" is a euphemism for courtesan. The king is implying Irene Adler is a high-class prostitute.

The Victorians themselves frequently viewed ladies acting is not that far removed from prostitution and certainly quite a lot of actresses at least dabbled in that.

A prima donna is the leading female performer in an opera company. They had a reputation of being well, prima donnas, hence the term becoming common.

A "cabinet" is roughly equivalent to a 4"x6" photo in size. Not hugely easy to conceal.

A grand in upfront expenses? No wonder Holmes could afford to stage an entire street fight!

A landau is a convertible carriage - the roof can be lowered. They're commonly used for ceremonial occasions, such as royal weddings.

The Inner Temple is one of the four Inns of Court - a professional body for barristers and judges: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inner_Temple

An ostler was someone who looked after the horses of someone staying at an inn.

"Nonconformist" is a term, falling into disuse now, for Protestants who do not belong to the Church of England, such as the United Reform Church. They were discriminated against, although to a lesser degree than Catholics and nearly all the legal restrictions had gone by 1888. They became a major voting bloc for the Liberal Party and later Labour, with the Church of England historically being "the Tory Party at prayer", although the latter has moved a good deal to the left economically under recent Archbishops.

Women playing male parts - especially young male parts - became a thing in the Restoration period i.e. the reign of Charles II when women were finally allowed on the stage and became rather popular due to the fact these ladies were wearing tights or trousers... so, yeah.

By the late Victorian period, it was still pretty common in burlesque (not that sort!) and pantomime; the tradition of the 'principal boy', a male panto lead character, like Aladdin or Dick Whittington, played by a young woman has gotten rare, but is still a thing. Oh, yes it is, just ask Bonnie Langford.

1880s evening dress was modest by modern standards, it seems.

[420mastr69stackr]

THE END WAS NOT WRITTEN BADLY / AND TORD IS NOT A CLONE!

Okay, well, The End was written slightly poorly, and Tord is a clone theory is mainly just a headcanon to make up for said bad writing that would affect the plot too much so it had to be a theory.

I'm sure this has been said time and time again, but I just really like eddsworld and wanted to rant on Tord eddsworld. While watching Tomee Bear's video on this (which since I agree with most of him on this topic, this'll just be me talking a little more about what I find important) I realised if this is still even a little discussion, I disagree with most on it.

THE END IS NOT WRITTEN BADLY

As Edd Gould wasn't around to write the script himself, yeah, it's going to be different. I find the pacing a little weird, and especially its pace in the Legacy era as a whole off, but from a poorly planned crowdfunded whim, I don't know what else to expect from the team. As for the actual characterisation and dialogue,

In WTFuture, Tom remarks saying "Did anyone realise this is the most we've ever spoken", WAYYY past Tords resignation and the characters leave from the show. The show was very much Edd's World. Edd talked way more than the others, and with shorter episodes, there wasn't much spoken line to base a whole character off of anyways. Most of the characterisation came from the visual actions of the characters at that point in time. Tord didn't speak often. I would say at that point he definitely was a well-rounded character (eddsworld standards) but he was lacking in lines. From his screentime though, there are some very defining traits we know of.

He's smart More so a captain obvious, but whatever. In Zanta Claws, I always think of how he was the first to come to his own conclusion on what Zanta was doing. In Zombeh Nation, he's the first one to ask if they have any escape plans (very no nonsense about it too), and in general is one of the first to take action in the show. Much like a guide NPC, Tord directs the crew and in general gets things started. Though I do think he is used as a narrative item sometimes, or Edd just couldn't write, which is also plausible

Will settle for things of his own benefit This isn't TOO consistent, and ties in with the other traits, but given the events of The End, I figured I would add it. In Moving Targets, he had somehow acquired a jetpack and used it to get somewhere????? quicker than the other boys. I don't think the fact it would burn all their parachutes was in mind when he used it, but he didn't seem too concerned about them until they could've launched him back into the air later. In that one zombie animation you can find in eddsworld archives, Edd tells Tord to run on without him when they're both in mortal danger, and he does exactly that. As for the Necronomicon in Zombeh Attack 2, I am very torn on whether or not this even fits here. Matt and Tord didn't seem to like each other much at all? Nonetheless, both Edd and Tord seem fine running Tom and Matt over so Tord can get his Necronomicon. Also in the 2007 Halloween special Tord literally locks Matt out of the room he was in to hide from the killer. Now maybe he could've been saving him because we do know he was pretty pissed the room had no escape exit, but as far as I know atm, it was just a gag, he gives NO shit about Matts wellbeing, but in the end, idk much about it anyways!

Trigger-happy Very obvious, he likes guns, he likes violence, yada yada. He's the first to blow shit up and the first to fight, usually. He just has guns on him and is very happy when fighting, and was happy most scenes in Moving Targets, when no one else was. Also is annoying and teasing, mean generally, but not all the time, and not to an overdone extent.

Quiet So, Tord is generally quiet. I know I said the amount of lines all characters got in general was low, and so Tord was bound to not speak much, but all his lines are generally pretty...lacklustre. He has not much of anything to say, which I would imagine is an attribution to bad writing. I'm sure this would change with time, like Matt's standing as a character and his amount of lines, but Tord only speaks a few more than Matt did, and Matt had more telling lines than Tord did. Such as, in Hello Hellhole, Matt had significantly less lines than Tord did, mainly due to Tord being the plot firecracker, but Matt's lines being more humorous than any of Tord's lines. In Ruined, how Matt has humorous lines and a very silly personality, yet also adding on to his fairly disinterested traits, and Tord just...hates a happy song, is mistreated by his friends, and doesn't add on much throughout. Maybe I'm biased, but as much as I like Tord, he is very sparse. Matt made up for his sparseness by being comical. Not that Tord is unfunny though, just quiet, and a victim of being shorthanded by the script. (Sorry for the long Matt parallel, I just found them very similar)

So Tord's main character traits were that he was trigger-happy, a little selfish, a quiet character, and he was very smart compared to the other boys. While The End has more flowing dialogue, and less focus on the boys interacting with Tord and more on getting to the fight at the end, they did an OK job at portraying these traits in The End. I first think its important to note that, while Tom and Tord always had the teasing relationship, those weren't as often as I see the community made it out to be some years ago, and even sometimes now. I might honestly be blind or too forgetful but I can't think of a handful of times Tord or Tom were mean to each other in specific. Just more often to be pinpointed, I guess. Tom is the bigger evil in the instances I can remember they annoyed each other. So, for The End, Tord using Tom's reactiveness to kick him out (smart!) was all story motivated. Nonetheless, he is still quite violent in this approach, so trigger-happy is covered. Also the fight. Also the motivation behind the fight. In order to build a whole base in your bedroom (On the side might I add which is pretty crazy to never notice) and a massive giant robot plus some other useless violent shit and gather some enemies in the base you helped blow up in Moving Targets, you just need to be fucking smart. No surprise. Being smart has always been a very noticeable part of his character, as silly as he may also be. Selfish was showcased a LOT here, obviously. He intentionally stirs up drama in the house, kicks Tom out for selfish reasons, and then tries to kill Tom, blows up their house, shows no remorse because he doesn't need friends, and in general, tries becoming a dictator, which is pretty damn selfish. Also no surprises. For quiet, I will touch up more on this in the clone section, as I will admit is not very relevant here. Tord has many lines, not really personality building as I would say that's all in-between the lines and in his actions, and the quietness as a personality trait is only seen in the classic era, and is easily explained away. I only added it here FOR the clone part.

They hit all the bars, and unless you just didn't like the writing of Legacy in general, you can't really say they wrote Tord badly, unless you have your own version of him you are superimposing on canon. For as short-lived a character as Tord was (I know) they hit major points that you can actually pinpoint to classic Tord. So, Tord ISN'T written horribly, but he's different and so I'm still torn I thi

TORD IS NOT A CLONE

The main, probably only, real reason people think Tord is a clone is because of bad writing. I covered that already. But still, yes, Tord is undeniably different. But with the proper timeline, things fall into place.

Moving Targets happens, where we see the blond guy, and Paul. Patrick who comes in later is dressed in the same attire as the enemy base, and therefore Red Army. Immediately after, 25ft Under the Seat comes out and Tord immediately leaves, when we use The End's flashback Tord says he is going to "make it in the big city".

Eddsworld does not just happen in the episodes obviously, so we can assume there is a stretch of time between those two episodes. What happened between them is not important, unless the Tord teaser this year is actually covering that, which could change this timeline. We just know that behind or between those two plot points was the building of the secret base, and after those plot points was the growth of the Red Army. If not, then he would've just destroyed the world before 25ft, and he in fact did not.

With the talking thing.. yeah. He speaks more. This is a huge reason why he seems different. You make a quiet character speak his mind more often and then he seems like a new man. Tord is written with much deeper character and story intent than any of the silly episodic classic episodes we had gotten before. Zombeh Attack is as well, and guess who has deeper story intent than usual as well!

THIS is why he is so "new". He is evil now, and has an obvious intent to show his evilness. He's just a fleshier character, as 2d as the flesh may be. He's always been a malevolent character, much like a 'loveable bastard' type troupe. 2005 Christmas special, he takes over like half of Norway and did not plan to stop. Scrapped idea, he comes back as a supervillain in super average or whatever the series is called. I'm pretty sure he's the only eddsworld character with a mentioned political stance, as jokey as may be. He is the perfect base for a character who could just be a quirky, violent weird dude, or an evil man. To ignore this canon is to ignore massive parts of Tord, and would go against the story in The End. Tord has some sort of character growth on that hill, so it isn't thrown off that Tord was the one who betrayed his own friends. It was definitely meant to be Tord, and it has always been shown that he has that capacity.

tldr tord eddsworld is an absolute piece of shit bitch who did definitely do whatver he did in the end

[penig]

An Unreasonably New and More Reasonable Theory of Watson’s Christian Name

It puzzles me that everyone assumes that Watson’s name is John and Mary gets his name wrong in this week’s story, “The Man with the Twisted Lip.” I defy anybody to find me one single place in canon, other than this instance from his wife, that anyone addresses him by name; or any place at all when Watson gives his full name.

Dr. John H. Watson, M.D., is the name on the battered tin dispatch box that Watson keeps his notes in, and in the absence of other evidence we would be justified in assuming this to be Watson’s full name and title - but he never says that he was the original owner of the box, or gives any particulars of his birth family, and given the possibility of his having the box at second hand from a relative who was also a doctor, I cannot allow that any reasonable standard of evidence could possibly give more weight to that assumption than to the plain fact that his own wife called him James.

In all fairness, I will allow that I myself address my husband by the name I met him under in the SCA, not by his (far too common) birth name; and that one player of The Game - I think Baring-Gould but couldn’t swear to it - came up with the ingenious suggestion that Mary had some reason not to use the word John and so she took anglicizing his middle name, Hamish, which is the Scottish form of James. But since we are given no information on what the H stands for, this theory does not satisfy Occam’s razor any more than mine does, and I would submit that it in fact satisfies it less. Just because Watson is a Scottish name doesn’t mean that our extremely English Watson had a parent sufficiently attached to the Scottish heritage as to use Hamish for a second name. We do know that Watson had a father and a line of grandfathers behind him, and that professions tended to cluster along family lines for the Victorians.

I am biased in favor of my own theory, naturally, but even factoring that in I am confident that Holmes would approve my reasoning.

Watson’s name was James.  Get over it.