#the future will come and it'll be pretty and warm i hope

[seariii]

I am exhausted??? For some reason I woke up and I feel really really tired? Zero energy???

[l0sercat]

Yandere alphabet with King Baldwin IV

MDNI because this is dark content!

Affection — how do they show their love and affection?

He shower's you in gifts and love. Anything you want or he thinks would look good on you he would buy you. He doesn't know how else to show how he loves you so he just spoils you.

Blood — how messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He will make sure anyone who disrespects you, looks at you funny, or talks bad about you will die. He won't kill anyone for just anything he is a king with a reputation after all.

Cruelty — how would they treat their darling once abducted?

He would treat you like a goddess. Your his everything and even though it's selfish to keep you and wrong before he dies he just wants to experience love and comfort.

Darling — aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He doesn't like to do things your not comfortable with. But he sometimes just can't help it and forcibly holds you down and cuddles you. He likes to feel your warm embrace, it makes him sad that you fight him, but he understands he did abduct you.

Exposed — how vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He is pretty vulnerable especially because of his disease. He shows his soft side and loves you with everything he has. He wants you to to feel comfortable and safe with him. Even when he feels weak he comes to see you even if you might attack him while he's weak.

Fight — how would they feel if their darling fought back?

He's understanding but it still makes him sad. He would've hoped you would warm up to him with his he spoils you. If you keep fighting back and are a risk to his safety he will have to begrudgingly tie you up in his chambers.

Game — is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

He does not like to see you fight and struggle. When you kick him and dash out of the room and into the halls trying to flee his guards. He already told the guards before hand that you are not to leave the palace. So they surround you and wait for him to get you himself. Baldwin is deeply hurt and upset and stumbles his way towards you. Your sobbing and screaming, you apologize and then curse at him. Your a wreak and Baldwin just slaps you across the face. His one eye is glaring at you and that shuts you up. You've never seen him like that and he doesn't feel like arguing with you. Your stumbling behind him with tears running down your face. You thought you could've gotta way but you were apparently wrong. (Sorry for this long ass paragraph lmfao)

Hell — what would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Similar to the experience I just wrote above lol. But this time they try sneaking out in the dead of night. He's tightly gripping you and having you pressed against his chest. You sneakily get out of his grasp and try to leave. But there are guards posted outside your bedroom, so they catch you immediately. Your kicking and screaming and Baldwin is just shaking his head. He decides to tie you to his bed. Your hands above your head and feet bound together. Your gagged and crying and Baldwin is just glaring at you, deeply upset. You'd be bound for a couple days only being untied for necessities like bathing, eating, and bathroom. He'd ignored you only giving you passing glances or untying you.

Ideals — what kind of future do they have in mind for their darling?

He wants a family but he doubts it'll go well because of his leprosy. He wants at least 4-5 kids and to live a long life but he knows he only has a couple years left to life. So he will settle with just you by his side and ruling Jerusalem.

Jealousy — do they get jealous? How do they handle it?

He hardly ever gets jealous because no one will ever get close to you. Maybe if you get to close to some of the ladies and your attention is taken up.

Kisses — how do they act around or with their darling?

He is always holding onto you. Wether it's your hand or waist. He's clingy especially when you guys are alone. Even during sex he is in the most intimate positions. He just loves being close by you.

Love letters — how would they go about approaching their darling?

He would court you as if you refuse he'd be sad, but then remembers he's king so he just takes you as his.

Mask — are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Yes. You'll be treated like a god(dess) and he's happy with you. But in front of others he s fearless powerful leader.

Naughty — how would they punish their darling?

Ties you up in his room and kills anyone who tries to help you. He'll have them excuted and make you watch. He doesn't like seeing you gagged and crying but it's what'll happen if you try to leave him.

Oppression — how many rights would they take away from their darling?

Not many. He'll let you roam around but only with him around or one of his most trusted guards.

Patience — how patient are they with their darling?

He's a very patient man. He will wait for a long time for you to warm up to him. But he doesn't have long so he can't wait forever. If he has too he will force you to do things.

Quite — if their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If you die he would mourn u til the day he dies. He'll never get over you and he's actually glad he'll die young so he can see you soon. If you escape he'll be crushed and have some of his men search for you. He'll be looking for you til he dies and he'll never get over you.

Regret — would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling?

Yes but in the end he'll block it out and pretend like you wanted him and everything is normal.

Stigma — what brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Probably childhood. Never truly sharing a bond with anyone but his sister. He's lonely and need someone by his side.

Tears — how do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He hates it and will try to soothe you and make you calm down and if that doesn't work he'll give you space.

Unique — would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He actually takes you out in public. Go to the local markets and stuff and you'll be able to talk to people.

Vice — what weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Yes. He's very fragile because of leprosy. But because of that he will always have guards outside of his room because he knows you'll try to exploit this weakness.

Wit’s end — would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes but on accident. You'd get hurt from the ropes he tied you with or accidentally gripping your arm to hard. Nothing serious.

Xoanon — how much would they revere or worship their darling?

He worship's his darling so much. Like your his everything and he loves you so much. If you treat him the same way he treats you he will literally melt.

Yearn — how long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He'll long after you for about a year then take you. During that year he'll court you but if you don't return the feelings he has no choice but to take you.

Zenith — would they ever break their darling?

No because he treat's you so good and actually doesn't abuse you like most yandere's would.

[bonny-kookoo]

Now I really want to see Someone older's MC being all protective over JK 😈

A drabble .. maybe .. please? 🥹

You admit, that men scare you. Even Jungkook, sometimes, in certain situations, intimidates you. Makes your instincts flare up, so to speak.

But you're not scared of her- or what she thinks she is.

Jungkook is currently back in the car fetching his wallet he forgot, while you stare down Evelyn and her pearl necklace in front of the food booths. "So you think you got him all figured out." She asks, standing across from you in line for some baked goods, as you wait for your boyfriend to return.

"I don't." You answer simply.

"Huh?" She frowns. "Listen, you're fun for him. I can't blame him- you're a pretty one, and he's always been young at heart. But you're not a wife to be, let's be real." She offers. "You're young. Why waste your time with a guy who's aiming his late thirties?" She giggles, shaking her head as she digs her hands into the pocket of her faux fur coat.

"You're his age." You answer. "Why did you waste your time by pretending to love him?" You wonder, not really with any bite in your tone at all. "And you didn't even play the part well. From what he's told me, you've been a terrible actress from the start."

Evelyn is quiet, staring you down. It's clear that she didn't expect you to not bend at her words at all. You're not even mad- you just seem almost sorry for her.

"His work is his wife. He'll put you aside the moment he's got you caught on his finger in the form of a silver ring." She warns. "He plays the part of the loyal partner and willing lover, but once he's back from the honeymoon, you're old news." She explains.

"Then I won't be surprised in the future if he does, no?" You ask her. "Now that you prepared me for it. Thank you." You say, politely so. "It'll soften the fall a lot."

"That wasn't-" she starts, before she shakes her head. "He's not the guy you think he is-"

"Well I sure hope he isn't, considering how my expectations towards men have been shaped by past abuse!" You joke, and something flashes over her face, before she sighs. "Evelyn, moving on is scary. I get it." You offer. "But for something new to come in, you have to get rid of something old first. You only have so much space in your heart- don't clutter it." You advise her.

"I don't need your advice, kid." She shrugs off.

"And yet I hope you'll take it." Someone says behind you, hand on your shoulder as Jungkook finally interferes. "Eve,-" He starts, but she shakes her hand, waving him off.

"I get it, I get it, you got your toy around, I'll stop bothering you." She sighs, before she pushes her hair over her shoulder. "And by the way- some soft shades of pink would suit her skintone. Just in case you'd like to buy her an.. actually nice coat." She mentions towards Jungkook before she walks off, leaving him confused.

"I- what was that about?" He wonders, unsure before you peck his lips.

"I think that was a peace offering." You giggle, before you hug him, chin on his chest. "... and now I want something warm." You tell him, and he can't help but smile.

"Anything you want, love."

[khaire-traveler]

🧜🏾‍♂️Subtle Triton Worship 🐚

Blow into a conch shell, especially when by the ocean or a body of water

Clean up trash by the ocean shore or any body of water

Go swimming, especially in the ocean; play pool games

Go diving (Safely, please)

Get a candle that reminds you of him; no altar needed

Wear jewelry that reminds you of him

Keep a picture of him in your wallet

Help any beached sea creature you stumble across (Or any fish that wash up on a lake and are alive)

Learn about the invasive species in any bodies of water in your area; advocate for their removal, and remove them if you come across any (And are able to do so safely)

Collect any seashells or pretty stones you come across near water

Have a fish, dolphin, horse, or crab stuffed animal

Have imagery of the ocean (especially the deep sea), conch shells, tridents, sea creatures/plants, and merfolk (especially those with two tails or dolphin tails) around

Try eating seafood or seaweed (Be aware that many people are often allergic to shellfish!!! Shrimp, crabs, lobsters, etc.)

Keep a pet fish or water dwelling creature; be sure to research the animal first to ensure quality of life under your care

Stay hydrated; drink lots of water throughout the day

Drink warm water with honey stirred in

Donate to or support ocean/river/lake-focused organizations or animal shelters

Learn about the deep sea marine life; learn about any form of marine life

Go sailing, paddle boarding, kayaking, etc. (Safely)

If you don't know how to swim, take swimming lessons or have someone teach you; always wear a lifejacket or floaties for your safety, until you feel comfortable with your skill

Practice asserting yourself and standing your ground; do your best to assert your personal boundaries; take time to learn what your boundaries are if you aren't sure

Take a warm shower/bath when you feel overwhelmed; use the water to cleanse and relax you

Leave a glass of water on your windowsill for the night or day; either replace or drink it after a few hours (you don't need to have water there constantly, it's just a once in a while thing)

Keep a jar of seaglass; make art from it or simply put it in the light, it'll look great either way

Collect ethically sourced shark teeth; collect ethically sourced fossils of ocean creatures

Learn to play the trumpet, trombone, French horn, or other brass instrument

Embrace your inner strength; celebrate how far you've come and how resilient you are

Ground yourself near a body of water, particularly the ocean; allow yourself to be one with the waves or subtle ripples of water; match your breath to the tide if you can

Fall asleep/meditate to the sound of ocean waves or sea creatures

Wash your hands/face with salt water

Dance/sing to music that makes you feel empowered or badass

-

This one was definitely tough because I struggled to find historical accounts of Triton being worshipped. Typically, I can draw some ideas from that if I'm not familiar with a deity, but Triton didn't have many records of worship, despite being widely accepted as Poseidon and Amphitrite's son. He was mostly known as Poseidon's herald, and in some accounts, he was even Athena's foster parent, yet there is still such little information about him to be found.

At least for now, this is my list of discreet ways to worship Triton. I hope to be able to add more in the future, and I hope that it's still helpful to people as is. Take care, y'all, and chill with the waves. 💚

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

[erosjournal]

Can u do a solangelo oneshot based on the song ‘lunch’ by billie Eillish, or ‘riptide’ by vance joy??

ofc luv ! here ya go :D

☆ lady , running down to the riptide !

~ nico di angelo x will solace

~ synopsis : will finally gets nico to go swimming in the ocean

~ tw(s): maybe ooc ? havent rlly written for solangelo much sooo

"Nico, the water's completely fine, I promise." Will stuck his hands out, trying to coax a terrified Nico in the water.

"Hey!" He argued. "You can't promise that! As a child of the big three, Poseidon's probably waiting to strike me down." He groaned. Will sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Then I'll fight him."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, come in the water!" He said, smiling. Nico couldn't help but admire how the sun reflected off his boyfriend's blonde... more like golden... hair. The sun swam in his curls, and his tan body was covered in sunny freckles. Nico took a deep breath and stepped in, wading up to his ankles. Will seemed to take that as progress.

"Damn," Nico shivered. "This feels colder than hell," Will laughed.

"Isn't Hell supposed to be warm?"

"Depends on the person, I guess." Nico grumbled. Will waded out from being knee deep to meet Nico. Will reached a hand out, which Nico took hesitantly. Will swooped up Nico, bridal style, which caused a surprised yelp from him. "Will!"

"Relax, I've got you." Will assured, wading out deeper. Nico felt his face flush with embarrassment, and probably a slight sunburn, as Will carried him out farther. To be honest, the water wasn't as cold as he'd expected. And it felt fine being in his best friend's arms.

Maybe he'd have to have Will take him swimming more often.

~ an : tysm for requesting ! sorry it took so long, i had a bit of school work and sickness to work over. i dont usually write for solangelo, so i hope it came out well ! also it's pretty short, maybe i'll write it longer in the future, but just for the christmas event, it'll have to be short :D

[lovegalor333]

fresh start

part three (chapter 7-9) previous part • next part

word count: 7.1k

content warnings: panic attack mentions of selfh*rm and depression

Lily

"What time does your shift start?" Madison asked me as we sat together eating breakfast in our apartment.

Kelsey and Hannah both had classes today so had already left but Madison and I had Wednesdays free.

"Not until 11." I glance at my phone, it was currently 9:45AM. "But I'm going to get there a little bit earlier because I don't actually know what I'm doing."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be fun!" My roommate reassures. "Are you nervous?"

"Kinda, I don't want to mess anything up and I just hope everyone likes me." I say honestly.

"Hey, who couldn't like Lily? You're a ball of sunshine!" Madison compliments, "Don't stress it, they know it's your first day, I'm sure they'll be easy on you."

"I hope so." I huff finishing off my cereal before taking my bowl to the kitchen to clean it.

I had almost completed my first full week at UConn and I counted my blessings that it had been going well. I had made friends, enjoyed my first taste of classes and found a job. All things that worried me when it came to transferring. I'd also unintentionally met Paige and I don't know what the future holds with that but it feels nice right now.

We hadn't seen each other since our 'date' a few days ago but we started an almost constant message thread on Instagram. Paige sent the first message yesterday morning and it's basically been nonstop, back and forth from us both.

As if she knew I was thinking about her, my phone pinged with a notification,

[lily.kent] paigebueckers

just spoke to janet, you will be with us today

try not to stare pretty girl, you'll distract me

I smiled at the confirmation that I would be working with Paige and her teammates today, it put my mind at ease considering I'd met most of them already and of course I'd get to see Paige.

I cliked on the dm she had just sent and replied,

i cant make any promises

It was 10AM and my phone pinged again with my daily medication reminder. I went to my bedroom and swallowed down the pills that were singlehandedly keeping me alive. Without them, my brain just doesn't know how to function, it goes into full self destruct mode and getting out of that is the hardest thing of all.

I definitely still have some days that are hard despite being on medication but they're easier to deal with and come around less often.

I had decided a second coffee of the day was a good idea and I had just enough time to pick it up from, what's quickly becoming my usual spot, before my shift started.

The late August air was still warm so I had opted for a low waisted pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt that stopped just before my bellybutton so the perfect amount of skin was showing.

I picked up my favourite order of an iced caramel latte with almond milk and took a slow walk to the athletics building, taking in my surroundings. More and more students had returned to campus over the weekend and beginning of this week so it was busy.

It reminded me of my old college and for a moment I was back there, in Massachusetts with no friends and just having been outed and anxiety hit me like a truck I almost toppled over.

I navigated myself to the nearest bench and sat down in an attempt to regulate my strained breathing. I remembered what my therapist had told me about panic attacks and how to handle them. I focused on my senses.

What was one thing I could taste? Coffee.

What was one thing I could hear? My heart pounding.

What was one thing I could feel? My phone clutched tight in my hand.

What was one thing I could smell? The perfume I had sprayed earlier.

What was one thing I could see? My eyes were closed in an attempt to block out everything around me but I opened them and one thing I could see was someone walking towards me.

My vision was slightly blurred as it always is when I have a panic attack but as they got closer it was clear it was Kayla.

"Lily, are you OK?" She asks dropping her bag down and kneeling in front of me. 

"Yeah." I manage but it comes out unconvincing and shaky.

"Did something happen?" I can't even get myself verbalise anything this time so I just shake my head. Kayla quickly realises that I'm in so state to talk so she sits beside me and gently rubs my back until I eventually calm down.

"I have panic attacks sometimes." I tell the girl next to me, finally able to talk without feeling like my lungs were going to explode.

"How do you feel now?" She asks, a look of concern on her face.

"I'm OK now, a little shaky. They come out of nowhere most of the time." I explain, taking a sip of my coffee - which probably isn't helping.

"I can tell Janet you need to push back your start day, she'd understand."

I shake my head sternly, "No way. I'm not giving up before I have even started." I say standing up, my legs still slightly weak.

"It wouldn't be giving up Lily. Everyone has struggles." Kayla tries to empathise but I've already started walking to the athletics building again.

"I'm seriously fine, I've struggled with a lot worse than a panic attack." I blurt before realising Kayla knows nothing about my past.

"Ok, well maybe lets just take five before going in? You've still got fifteen minutes." She says looking at her watch.

"Ok." I give in and Kayla and I stand side by side as I take a few deep breaths.

"You got this and I got you." Kayla says after a few minutes of silence as she wraps me into a hug.

I hug her back, "Thank you, K. Sorry for the freak out, I can usually keep it under control."

"No need to apologise, I'm glad you weren't alone. Panic attacks can be scary." She says as we walk into the building and begin our way to the offices, a route I'm familiar with now.

"Do you mind not telling anyone?" I ask sheepishly.

I'd rather be the one to tell Paige about things, I didn't want her to hear it secondhand from anyone else.

Kayla mimes zipping her lips and I smile at her in response just before we step into Janets office.

"Hello Lily! Happy first day!" Janet beams standing up to greet me.

"Hi Janet, thank you. I'm super excited." I beam back putting on my best fake smile as I push back the remnants of the panic attack I just had.

Janet explains what my day will look like, "So the basketball girls are already on the court but open practice officially starts at 11:30. That's when you'll go in with the rest of the media outlets. You'll be working alongside Marcus who writes the sports column in the UConn newsletter. He'll explain your job more but write down as much as you can, take photos and videos and just be yourself!" She smiles and hands me a folder with the Huskies logo on the front with my name printed beneath it.

I open the folder and find a notebook, multiple pens and a mini microphone, the kind that plugs into your phone that you see tiktokers using in their videos.

"Oh there you are. Marcus, meet Lily. Lily, meet Marcus." Janet says and I spin around to the door that Marcus had just walked through.

"Hi Lily." Marcus says stretching out his hand for me to shake and I do. "Hi Marcus."

I wasn't expecting Marcus to be a fellow student but he was, he didn't look much older than me and had dark brown hair and eyes to match. He was handsome for sure, I'm lesbian but I could appreciate a mans beauty.

Marcus and I quickly acquainted as he told me exactly what we'd be doing today. It wasn't much different from what Janet had explained and before I knew it, we were walking down to the basketball court.

Paige

The ball had just left my hand and I knew it was cash, from my spot on the three-point line, when the doors to the court opened. My eye's flicked to the large digital clock on the wall, it was 11:30, media were here.

I watched intently as familiar faces filtered into the room and then one familiar face in particular brought a smile to my face, Lily.

Her effortless beauty always seemed to catch me off guard. Still being new to each other, I was seeing Lily in a new way each time. Today was the first time I'd seen her with her hair tied up, her perfect facial features on full display. She had a simple outfit on but the sliver of stomach on show between her jeans and shirt did something to me. I wanted to run across the court and hold her in my arms, feel her skin on mine, tell her how pretty she looked. Her smile shone from meters away and I could just about make out her sweet laugh over all the commotion going on.

I was so focused on Lily, I didn't notice the aggravatingly good looking guy stood beside her, until his hand came into contact with her arm.

Who was he and why was he touching her?

I watched intently as he pointed over to the stands where some of the media people had already began setting up. In all fairness, it looked like he was just explaining something to her but either way, he didn't need to make physical contact.

"You got some competition, P?" Jana joke nudging my side, obviously seeing the same thing as me.

I scoff, "That kids got nothing on me." I say and bounce the ball again few times before shooting another perfect three.

I glance back in Lilys direction to find her already looking in mine a small smile on her face, she raises her eyebrows and nods slightly as if to say "not bad", I give a quick bow in response and go to retrieve the ball.

We shoot around a little more before we all disperse to the different media outlets waiting to ask us questions.

My eyes fall to Lily more than I'd like to admit and I had to ask for a few questions to be repeated due to my lack of concentration. Lily never reciprocated any of my stolen looks because she was so engrossed in her job; jotting down notes, recording interviews and laughing along with the girls.

After what felt like an eternity, I was finally stood with Lily and Mr Shaggy Hair.

"Hi Paige, Marcus with UConn newsletter and this is-" Marcus introduced himself and tried introducing Lily.

"I know Lily." I say making eye contact with the brunette girl to the right of me.

"Hi Paige." She says softly, phone in hand already pointed in my direction.

"Paige, this was your first summer without injury, what did you do that you haven't been able to in previous years?" Marcus asks, pen poised to take an necessary notes.

I answered all of Marcus' questions before I had to move on, "Thank you, Paige. Nice speaking to you." He smiled genuinely. "Thank you, you too." I smiled back trying my best to also be genuine but probably failing.

I intentionally brushed my body against Lilys as I passed her, using my hands to manoeuvre around her small frame.

We wrapped media and hour or so later and the team and I were free to go but I lingered, shooting random shots while Lily and Marcus had a discussion before they packed up their things.

Marcus left but not before hugging Lily goodbye, I rolled my eyes watching the interaction before making my way over to her.

"My favourite journalist." I say draping my arm over her shoulder and pulling her close.

She laughed, "I wouldn't say journalist, I'm just helping out."

"Ok, my favourite helper-outer then." I tease and we both watch as the final few people exit the court, leaving us alone.

Lilys arm swiftly navigates itself around my waist and she steps in front of me, her other arm looping around my torso also so she was hugging me. Both my arms wrapped around her shoulders and we just held each other for a few seconds.

"So...Marcus?" I drag out looking down at the girl in my arms. I feel her body shake with a little giggle, "Handsome guy, right?" She says pulling away and looking up at me. A scowl forms on my face, "Not really." I say matter of factly crossing my arms.

"Oh, is this jealous Paige?" She asks jutting out her hip and placing her hand on the other. I turn away from her, "No..."

"Oh, I think it is." She says walking around and standing in front of me, extremely close, our toes are touching and her body heat is radiating onto me. She brings her hand to my face and directs me to look at her, "I am one hundred percent gay, Paige." Lily reassures her eyes looking directly into mine.

When we first met, Lily would never hold eye contact with me, as much as I tried but now she was and I could see every single fleck in her eyes. The light brown points making them sparkle under the bright lights.

"And I am one hundred percent regretting agreeing to keep this a secret." I say truthfully now bringing my hand to her face, stroking her cheek gently.

"But just us knowing is so..hot." She says soft and breathy. "The secret glances and touches." She continues, her hand smoothing down my chest to my stomach.

Her eyes linger on my lips and I run my tongue along them.

"Don't do that."

"What?" I ask innocently but a smirk creeps onto my face.

"Don't lick your lips while we're this close."

"Why not?"

She doesn't answer and we stand in silence, tension rising between us as the seconds go on. I move my free hand to her waist and pull her closer, if that was even possible and my hand on her face moves to her neck. I lean down and Lily leans up and after what feels like decades of waiting our lips reach each others and we kiss.

It's needy but delicate and everything and more that I'd imagined it to be. Getting a taste of Lily made me realise I'll never get enough. Her hands are all over me. My stomach, my back, my hips. She kisses me harder with an urgency I never knew I needed.

When we finally pull away from each other, both our chests are rising and falling at a quickened pace. Lilys lips are blushed and plump and they break into a soft, swollen smile.

"Let's get out of here," She says grabbing my hand, "and hope no one was watching the cameras." I'm still speechless as I follow her out of the basketball court, our hands linked together.

I drive me and Lily around Storrs for the best part of a few hours. Lily has her phone connected to my car and is playing her favourite songs.

Her playlists were filled with Lana Del Rey and I think it suited her perfectly. Lily was the embodiment of a Lana Del Rey song, the softness and vulnerability of Lanas vocals complemented the girl next to me without fault.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

I'd barely left the confines of my bedroom in the past two days. I only got up from my bed to pee and grab bottles of water which were now scattered around my room, empty.

Kelsey, Hannah and Madison had periodically been coming in to check on me and bring me whatever food they had ordered in or cooked that day. I'm guessing at some point during all of this, Kelsey had somewhat explained to our other roommates what she had discovered about me, because no one asked questions and that's how I liked it.

I didn't have the mental capacity to explain the way I was feeling or why I was feeling it when I couldn't even understand it myself.

After having the panic attack on Wednesday, everything inside of me felt...off. After throwing myself into my first day at work, I spent the afternoon with Paige and it gave my mind respite from itself. But once I was home and alone with my thoughts, they took over and refused to be tamed.

I went through Thursday in an altered state, so distracted by everything in my head, I felt like I was watching myself from a third persons perspective. The day didn't seem real.

One thing that was clear though was my time spent with Paige. She met me after my final class of the day and we just sat and spoke and enjoyed each others company. Things felt lighter with Paige, easier to handle but I was not Paiges responsibility and I was not about to become a burden to her either.

Kissing Paige on Thursday night was bittersweet because I knew I wouldn't be seeing for a few days at least. I could feel myself slipping into a deep depressive episode and along with that came a whole lot of self isolation.

I isolate myself when I get like this to save the people around me. I'm a ticking time bomb when my thoughts darken and I wanted to minimise the casualties. I was the only casualty allowed.

I cried when Paige dropped me home. I cried for me and this inevitable dark cloud that appears whenever it feels like it. I cried for her because she had no idea what was going on. I cried for us because things were going well and I was about to ruin it.

I skipped classes on Friday and slept most of Saturday. Sleeping when I feel like this is the only time I have that allows the feeling to pause.

It was Sunday now and my roommates had invited me to go to brunch with them, of course I declined. I think they knew deep down what my answer was going to be but they asked anyway.

Kelsey hugged me tight before they left, telling me to call her if I needed to, I just hummed in response and watched the girls with sympathetic smiles on their faces leave.

Getting up from my place in bed, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was bundled in a bun on top of my head, undoubtedly tangled to hell. I had an oversized t-shirt on that I had previously cut to be off-the-shoulder. I looked a mess but I didn't have the energy or care enough to do anything about it.

The healed marks on my arm teased me to feel that of so familiar, temporary relief of physical pain. It was a mental battle that I had won up until today.

Paige

I knocked on Kaylas apartment door after hours, days actually, of deliberation.

"Oh hey, Paige." Kayla says smiling, opening her door for me to step in.

"Hi Kayla." I gave her a small smile in return that makes it obvious that somethings wrong. I've never been good at hidding my feelings.

"What's wrong?" She asks, perching on the edge of her couch.

I sit down too, unsure how to approach the subject without making overly obvious that something was going on between me and Lily.

"Have you spoken to Lily at all?" I ask, not really caring what Kayla thought, worry taking precedent.

She shakes her head, "No, I haven't. Not since Wednesday." She tells me. "Why?"

"I just haven't heard from her in a few days. I've tried messaging but had nothing in response." I explain.

It looks as though something clicks in Kaylas head when I say this but she doesn't speak up.

"What?" I push for her to say what she's thinking.

"Something happened on Wednesday. I promised Lily I wouldn't say anything though."

"What happened Kayla?" I ask, my heart rate increasing at the thought of something bad happening to Lily.

"I really can't say Paige. She asked me not to."

Ouch.

"She asked you not to tell me?"

"Not you specifically, anyone." Kayla says.

"I'm worried." I admit.

"Have you been to her apartment?"

I nod, "I walked past today and yesterday. I rang the buzzer but there was no answer."

"I could try calling her." Kayla suggests pulling out her phone.

"Please." I urge and watch as she presses call on Lilys contact.

The phone rings and rings and eventually goes to voicemail.

"I'm going to her apartment and if I have to break in, I will." Is all I say before leaving Kaylas apartment.

My mind reels with scenarios that could have happened to make Lily go completely MIA as I make the short trip to her building.

As I pull up, someone is leaving the apartment block and I jog from my car to catch the entrance door before it closes and I have no way of getting in.

I take the stairs two at a time to reach Lilys floor and I knock on the door.

Nothing.

I knock again, louder this time.

Still nothing.

Clearly her roommates were not home because they would have answered.

I knock again.

"Lily," I call out her name desperate for a response, "It's Paige."

I wait a while before knocking for the fourth time when I hear the latch of the door click and it slowly creaks open revealing Lily. She looks different, tired, like exhausted and...sad.

"Oh my god, Lily." I exclaim basically forcing myself through the door. "Are you OK?" I ask, my arms instinctively wrapping around her.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is quiet and shaky and it takes me aback, she usually sounds so upbeat and cheerful.

"Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for days. I went to Kaylas, she said something happened on Wednesday. What happened on Wednesday?" My words are rushed and messy.

"She had no right to tell you that. I asked her not to." Lily says, now out of my arms, she crosses hers over herself.

"I was worried. What happened Lils? Talk to me."

She just looks at me with heavy eyes and takes staggered steps towards the couch before sitting down.

"Is it me? Have I done something?"

"It's not yo-"

"Just tell me if I have. I'll fix it. I really like you Lily." I cut her off before she can finish her sentence.

"Paige." She says getting my attention, "It's not you. Please will you sit down."

"Was it Marcus? I'll kill him if he's done anything to you." I say now thinking of the worst possible things.

"Paige!" Lily says louder this time, "Just sit down." She flings out her arm that was across her chest motioning for me to sit next to her and as she does I notice array of white lines. Healed scars bestrewn across her wrist and inner arm.

She looks from me to her extended arm and quickly pulls it back to her chest before getting up and walking, fast to her room.

I follow after her in silence, unsure what to say in the moment.

When I reach her bedroom, shes pulling a sweater on over her baggy t-shirt.

"Lily.." I begin but I don't really know what to say next.

"You don't have to say anything Paige." She says, sensing my hesitation.

"I want to say something. I just don't know how." I tell her truthfully.

"Just say what you're thinking."

"What happened?"

"When - on Wednesday or what happened to cause my scars?" She asks sitting on her bed, crossing her legs.

"Both." I breathe out going and sitting next to her.

Lily inhales deeply, "I'll tell you, but I want you to know that's its OK if you want to leave after. I'll understand."

"I have nowhere to be today."

"No. I mean like really leave. Leave this," She motioned between us. "before it becomes something."

"Lily, why would I want to leave?" I ask genuinely. Theres nothing that she could say to me right now that would make me want to walk away.

"Because Paige, I'm a burden and being around me when I'm like this quickly becomes exhausting." She says, her head bowed down looking into her lap.

"Don't say that!" My voice comes out louder than I wanted and Lily looks up at me taken aback. "Sorry," I mummble. "but please don't say that. Being around you is not exhausting, I've never felt more alive than when I'm with you, Lily." I shuffle my body over to her, closing the gap between us on her bed.

We're side by side with our backs against the headboard, my legs extended in front of me and Lily's crossed in front of her. I place my hand delicately on her thigh to let her know I'm here whenever she's ready talk.

It takes her a while and we sit comfortably in silence, my hand on her leg and eventually her head on my shoulder, before she speaks.

Lily tells me everything. From her depression diagnosis at thirteen to her somewhat recent breakup and being outted and how that ultimately resulted in her attempting to take her own life. She explained the scars on her arm were self inflicted and she said it was hard to explain but she would rather feel something physically than mentally so thats why she did it.

As much as it was hard for her to explain, it was equally hard for me to understand. I didn't want to think of Lily hurt and understand it.

She had a panic attack on Wednesday that started this most recent episode. She said they come every so often without warning, she's on medication that helps her get through most days but she still has moments that she can't control.

I stayed mostly silent while Lily bravely shared such a vulnerable part of her. She cried at points and I wiped her tears but I didn't ask any questions, I just wanted to listen.

"Do you think I'm crazy." She sniffles, lifting her head from my shoulder to look at me.

I shake me head, "No baby. I don't think you're crazy. I think you've been through a lot in your life. A lot of shit that you didn't deserve. But what matters is, you're here. You're here trying, despite it all and I'm proud of you." I tell the doe eyed girl infront of me.

I place a hand on each of her cheeks and hold her face, wiping strays tears as they fall. I plant a kiss to her forehead, then one on the tip of her nose and I hover my lips over hers unsure if now is the time but Lily's the one to close the space, pressing her mouth to mine.

I kiss her gently at first as if scared to break her but Lily pushes deeper into the kiss, harder. Without breaking us apart, she manoeuvres herself on top of me, straddling my thighs. My hands find her hips like they were made for them and I hold on to her desperately as we continue to kiss.

"I don't want this to change the way you see me." Lily says breathlessly as we break away from each other.

"I knew you before I knew this and that's the Lily I see. The one who buys coffee for her friends when they're hungover, the one who smiles at everyone, the one who works hard. That's the Lily I know." I say to her as she stays sat in my lap, my hands caressing their way up her back.

"If it gets too much...if I get too much, I'll understand." Lily says playing with the strings of my hoodie.

"Can you stop saying stuff like that?" I take her hands in mine, "I want to be here. With you. Right now. Do you understand that? I'm choosing to be here Lily."

She nods a small nod letting me know she heard what I was saying.

Lily flips her leg off of me so shes back at my side. I shuffle down the bed slightly and pull her into me, my arm around her shoulders and head on my chest.

"One thing Lily," I say and she hums in response. "if you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

This week was going considerably better than last week, thank god.

Paige had spent most of Sunday laid next to me in my bed, even when my roommates returned from their brunch plans, she didn't move. I was falling in and out of sleep for the majority of the day, my emotions had exhausted me and with my head on Paiges chest and my body encapsulated by her arms, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't for a long time.

Paige reluctantly left my apartment that night after making me promise to never isolate myself from her again. She made it abundantly clear that I can always be open and honest with her and she'd never judge me. I made the promise, but I knew it would be hard to keep.

Wednesday had rolled around again and I had a completely free day. No classes, no homework and I wasn't due in work at all this week. From speaking to Marcus, it sounded like things got busier once the sports season really starts, which isn't until next week.

"Delivery for Miss Kent." Madison says in faux accent knocking on my bedroom door, coffee in hand.

"Ugh, I love you!" I say standing up from my place in bed and taking the iced drink from my roommate. I took a sip straight away and immediately felt like I could take on the day.

"What are your plans for today?" I ask Madison as we walk together from my room to the living room, each taking a seat on the couch.

"I have to get in the library today, how am I already behind? Actually, more importantly, who sets assignments on the first week?" She dramatically asks, eyes wide.

"Oh that's rough. My professors went easy on us." I say silently thanking the college gods.

"So what are your plans for today then?"

"I'm not really sure, I might take a walk around campus and maybe meet Kelsey when she breaks for lunch." I tell Madison my unofficial plans.

I wasn't sure what I'd spend my day doing but I knew I needed to do something, giving my mind downtime was dangerous. I didn't need to sit and think about everything, ever.

"Not seeing Paige?" Madison asks curiously and my head shoots in her direction but I try and play off my surprise.

"Um, no, why would I see Paige?" I lie.

I would love to see Paige today. I hadn't seen her properly since Sunday. I saw her on Monday when I'd popped into the office to meet with Marcus and we'd sneakily made out in an empty bathroom. And we'd briefly bumped into each other yesterday but she was with KK and I was with Kelsey so we kept it short. Maybe I'll message her and see if she's free.

"Oh I don't know, she only spent the whole day here on Sunday. In your room...with the door closed."

My cheeks flushed at the insinuation Madison was hinting at even though nothing like that happened between us. The most Paige I did was was kiss and OK, maybe I was in her lap and maybe I did get flustered and maybe I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her hands on my bare skin and her mouth on mine...

I'm texting Paige.

"We're just friends." I say matter-of-factly, standing up to go and find my phone.

"Uh huh," Madison pretended to agree, "sure you are."

Paige had finally asked for my number after days of using Instagram DMs as our only form of contact.

She had tried to save her contact as Buckets with a serious of drooling emojis but I overruled and we decided on Paige with a star emoji.

good morning p <3

good morning pretty girl

what are u doing today?

wanna hang?

miss me?

duh

ive got practice now but meet me after?

at like 11

i miss you too

ok see u soon 💋

I decided to take my time getting myself ready before meeting Paige. I took a hot shower and washed my hair using all my favourite products.

My phone was propped up on my vanity as i straightened my hair, Emma, my best friend from home, took up the entire screen as we were on FaceTime.

I caught Emma up on my first week at UConn, my account was explicit, there was nothing I couldn't say to my best friend. She begged for pictures of Paige but I didn't have any to send, "I'll take one today." I tell her as I begin applying my makeup.

I keep it natural with a skin tint, brow gel, mascara and of course lip liner, my one true love.

I bid farewell to Emma before hanging up, telling her I miss her dearly and she agrees that she has to come and visit me soon.

With my phone still in my hand, I decided to snap a picture and send it to Paige letting her know I'm ready.

I didn't expect one of Paiges usual quick responses considering she was at practice so I did the final touches to get myself ready before leaving.

Madison had called out a goodbye while I was on FaceTime so I left the empty apartment, locking the door behind me.

The walk to the training facilities wasn't far and took me less than fifteen minutes to reach. Even though I wasn't working today, I had my Staff ID badge around my neck to make it looked like I belonged there.

Walking into the building, I assumed I had arrived just after training had finished. The usual squeak of basketball shoes and balls was nowhere to be found. I made my way to the court peeking through the glass in the door seeing who was around.

My eyes landed on a lonely Paige, dribbling the ball before taking a shot. I couldn't see the basket but could only assume that UConns star girl had made it effortlessly.

I swung the door open and walked in, immediately grabbing Paiges attention. Her previous, serious expression softened as she looked at me, smiling now. We both took rushed steps across the court towards each other until we were face to face.

"Hello, pretty girl." Paige complemented wrapping me in a rather sweaty hug, I fake grimaced, "You're gross." I say trying to wriggle free but Paige is not only taller than me but stronger than me too, I was trapped. "You love my hugs." She protested still not letting me go, "Admit you love my hugs."

I did love Paiges hugs. They were so warm and comforting and I felt like nothing or no one could hurt me while I was bundled up in Paiges arms.

My lack of reply only makes the blonde girl hold me tighter, lifting me slightly off the ground, I let out a squeal, "Paige! Put me down!"

"Admit you love my sweaty hugs." She brings her mouth close to my ear to say that and the hairs rise on the back of my neck at the heat of her breath.

"I love your sweaty hugs." I admit in defeat as she lowers me down, my feet touching the floor once again.

"Thank you." She chirps pressing a quick kiss to my forehead.

"Where is everyone?" I ask looking around the empty room.

"In the locker room cleaning up." She nods her head over to a set of doors which I'm guessing leads to the locker rooms.

"Didn't feel like showering today?" I joke.

"Wanted to shoot around a little more, practice wasn't the best." She explains picking up the ball from where it had rolled to once she dropped it to hug me.

"I doubt that, Buckets." I smirk at Paige as she proves me right by sinking the cleanest three. She smirks back, "You want a go?"

I shake me head immediately, "No. No way." I say backing away from the basketball player.

She laughs and it echos around the court, "Come here, I'll help you." She insists beckoning me over.

"No Paige, I'll be terrible, I know I will." I remain adamant.

"You haven't even tried, have some faith in yourself. Now come here." The second half of her sentence is sterner than the first and the assertion of dominance catches me off guard.

"Yes ma'am." I mummble and walk back to Paige with slightly red cheeks.

"OK, stand here." Paige positions me on the free throw line, using her foot to push mine apart and using her hands to bend my arms in the way she wants. "Here." She hands the ball to me and I take if from her and she immediately giggles.

"What?" I huff, I knew I'd be terrible at this.

"You're so delicate with it." She smiles repositioning my hands on the ball, "Spread your fingers out more." I do as she says and she takes a step back as if admiring her work.

"OK, now shoot." She instructs and I do and it's terrible.

I throw the ball with all my strength and it flies out of my hands and smacks the backboard, missing the basket completely, before rebounding off and almost taking me out in the process. It acted more like a boomerang than a basketball.

Paige was quick to intercept the ball hurling towards me and caught it with one hand before tucking it under her arm.

She was trying her best to hold in a laugh as I just scowled at her and began to walk off.

"Hey, hey, hey." She called grabbing my arm before I could pass her, "That was a...good first attempt." She says leading me back to the same free throw line I'd just embarrassed myself on.

"Good? That's the exaggeration of the century!"

"One more go, I'll help." She hands me the ball again and I reluctantly take it, remembering to spread my fingers like last time.

Instead of standing back and watching, Paige steps behind me this time, her frame enveloping mine. We're so close I can feel her front pressed against my back, her hands cover mine over the ball and I wonder what we look like from an outside perspective.

Paige draws the ball back, my body moving in accordance with hers, before launching it forward and I watch in awe as the ball spins in the air before falling through the basket in a faultless swish.

"There you go baby!" Paige praises, her arms coming together around me, "That would've got you 1 point!" She says unwrapping herself from me, raising her hand for a high five.

I smack my hand to hers, even though that was entirely Paige, I was taking it as my bucket.

"And how many have you got?" I ask referring to points.

"Maybe like five thousand, career wide." She brags but I like it, Paiges confidence in her abilities is one of the most attractive things about her.

"I'm catching up." I tease picking up the ball once more and taking an unserious shot at the basket and to my surprise, I watch as it circles the rim before slipping through.

I snap my head towards Paige in shock, my mouth hung open, her expression mirroring mine.

"Sinking threes? OK Kent!" A familiar voice called out, it was Aubrey coming out of the locker room, a few of the girls following behind her.

"I try." I boast playfully, knowing it was a total fluke.

"Are y'all coming to grab lunch with us?" Ice called out, also emerging from the locker room.

I looked to Paige for her to answer, the girls were Paiges friends and I didn't want to ever feel like I was impending on their hang outs or make it too obvious that we had something going on.

"We actually have plans." Paige says and I raise my brows, did we?

"Cool! Catch you later." The team waved us goodbye as they all filtered off and out of the basketball court.

"What's these plans that we have then?" I ask Pagie once we're alone again.

"Oh, you know. Our usual."

Paige and I hadn't spent much time together in the few weeks we'd been acquainted and any time we were alone, the majority of it was spent with my mouth on hers and vice versa so I didn't know what our usual was.

I look quizzically at Paige, "Which is?"

"Well it requires a lot less distance between us," Say says returning the ball to its rack and walking over to me, "and hardly any talking." She finishes as she reaches me and dips her head slightly to kiss my lips.

I'm smiling as she pulls away, "Sounds like great plans."

"Give me ten minutes to shower and we can go back mine, seeing as the girls are out we'll have the place to ourselves." She tells me before jogging into the locker room.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

[outmakingmoonshine]

(Some of) my hopes (and some theories) for S3

The number 1 thing I want is a scene after Nat's had her baby where Carmy sees Syd holding the baby and his entire world stops bc that's all he wants for his future 😭 If Sydcarmy kiss or something I'll be happy and I'll reblog every single gif of it like a normal person BUT if we get a Syd holding the baby scene I'm gonna be uncontrollable on every social media platform available. I might even post it on Reddit and watch the meltdown! This is where the bar of my expectation is for S3. If we get this (or anything remotely like it) I'll be so satisfied, any other good thing that happens between Sydcarmy will be a bonus for me.

We know we're getting a Syd x Pete scene and I want a Carmy x Pete scene where Pete's talking about how great Syd is and Carmy can't help but warm to him a bit more. The potential relationships between Syd x Pete and Pete x Carmy are so important to me 🥹 my three awkward, anxious lonely babies (Pete's not lonely now but I think he probably was once upon a time and the Berzatto men singling him out of the family must make him feel lonely and not good enough :( I love Carmy but I will fight him for Pete's dignity and honour!)

Putting the rest under a cut because it's mostly just my musings and ramblings

I want Nat to say something to Carmy about his relationship with Syd. Nat saw their dynamic before Claire came, she saw Syd's reaction to Claire, how sydcarmy's dynamic changed when Claire was around and how Carmy ditching her made Syd feel. She didn't witness all of that for nothing. Someone's gotta tell Carmy how he's been (unintentionally) making Syd feel and I doubt it'll be Syd.

I need to see Richie start respecting Pete at least a little bit. Carmy's already kind of made a step towards respecting and even appreciating Pete for who he is a bit more but I need to see it from Richie too because I'm pretty sure he's the one who leads that little mob mentality against Pete. Even if it doesn't actually happen this season, I need to see it heading in that direction because Pete doesn't deserve all this slander 😭 I need Richie and Carmy to start seeing that the only difference between them and Pete is that he's mature and confident in who he is. They're both not confident in who they are so their only way of feeling like they're above him/better than him is to make fun of him for it. (IRL grown adults with this infantile mentality get on my last nerve so I need to see them come to a realization soon.)

I want Donna to make amends and start finding peace. I know she's technically an antagonist in this story but it really bothers me the way people dismiss her as if she's some monster like we aren't watching Carmy treat the people he loves the exact same way she does. If we can empathize with a man for his toxic behaviour we can empathize with a woman who was going through her own trauma and loss while she had 3 kids (plus Richie) to look after. Any parent who welcomes another person's child into their family unit for years and makes them feel like part of the family despite whatever she's going through, isn't a monster imo. I know she traumatized her kids but honestly, most parents do that and have no remorse about it. Donna has remorse for her actions and the effect it had on her kids. And what is Carmy doing to Sydney's self-esteem and confidence right now? He's definitely not helping it! l If I can forgive Carmy because he's acting on his trauma and I understand he's not just a horrible person by choice, I can do the same for Donna. I know some ppl just don't like JLC because she's pro-zionist (idek I just saw this online somewhere?) which I understand but at the same time, the actress is seperate to the character. Donna's favourite person in the world is gonna be her beautiful black daughter in law! She's gonna love and appreciate Syd so much.

I want Donna's story to end with her starting to heal so people watching this show know that even late in life when you've made all the worst mistakes and inflicted your pain on others you can still heal and try to right those wrongs. It's never too late to start being a better person. This wasn't meant to turn into a rant about Donna but I think the way some fans talk about her character is so unfair and narrow minded because they don't keep the same energy for Carmy.

Some of my theories for S3

I know no one wants to hear this but I think 3x09 Apologies will be an apology to Claire where Carmy finally comes clean about why he gave her a fake number and why he can't be with her, putting an end to romantic Claire/Carmy for good. If we see the end of Claire in the first few episodes I'll be happy but I doubt they'll waste the "suspense" of Claire/Carmy vs SydCarmy by ending it 3 or even 4, 5 episodes in. I don't think she'll be in all 9 episodes leading up to it tho (please no, I love Molly but that's way too much of Claire.)

JAW said during awards season "Claire deserves an apology" which seemed random to me at the time because no one asked him that, he just brought it up and we all know Syd is the one who deserves the biggest apology from Carmy. Idk if they were filming S3 yet when he said that but he already knows where the story is going. Actors don't just play character's "blind" without knowing something about where their story is leading, especially main characters.

I think they'll do the Syd/Claire switcheroo and make it seem like Carmy's going to apologize to Syd (because it will be glaringly obvious he needs to) but it'll be him telling Claire the truth and ending things with her. Idk if Syd will get an actual apology (it would mirror 1x08 where Marcus got the actual apology and Syd didn't even though she probably deserved it more) but I think we will get some kind of super intimate heartwarming/heartbreaking scene from sydcarmy in that episode, just like 2x09.

Also Ayo said something like sydcarmy fans won't get what they want in S3 and it's the one time I actually believe her.

I think we're going to get some amazing sydcarmy scenes in S3 but I don't think it's going to end well for them. I think S4 will mirror S1 and build their dynamic up again back to what it was before Claire came in 2x03. I think S4 is gonna be THE sydcarmy season.

I'm in two minds about whether Syd will sign the contract or not. I'm leaning towards no because despite it meaning Carmy can't just leave again, going off to do whatever he wants with "wHoEvEr" and she'll have his full focus, I just don't think she wants a legal contract to be the basis of why they're committed to working together. Syd's never tried to tie Carmy to her so I don't think she'll appreciate him doing it to her. Carmy's doing this out of desperation, not out of purely wanting to collaborate with her and Syd will sense that. I think Syd wants him to want to work with her. That's why she never actively tried to get him to stay and work with her in S2 and she could've been way more direct and harsh than "I need your focus like you need mine", Lord knows he would deserve it but she isn't trying to force him. That's why she never made him feel bad about being with Claire either even though he ditched her for Claire right when they were getting closer. She doesn't want to guilt trip him or make him feel like he owes her something, she wants it to be his own decision. She wants him to show that he wants it just like she does. And he does...but he just doesn't know how to show it in a healthy way and toxicity raised him so I can't blame him.

Idk what's gonna happen between Syd & Marcus or Syd & Luca but I don't think it actually needs to be romantic to make Carmy jealous, especially if he and Syd aren't seeing eye to eye. I don't think it's necessarily gonna be romantic for Syd either, even if they see her that way. Just like Carmy didn't really see Claire romantically (in present day anyway) and I will die on that hill. That man had zero romantic interest in her despite literally kissing and having sex with her. It was more like he was just going through the motions of a "normal" relationship than it being something he genuinely wanted. Why does he show SO MUCH want and desire for Syd but not a single iota of the same for Claire?!

Seeing Syd get close to any other man is going to bother Carmy regardless, especially if he knows the man is attracted to her. But I feel like Syd is a 'connection before anything else' kinda girl (Carmy is too, that's why having sex with Claire literally sent him into a spiralling panic attack the morning after) but Syd doesn't have the exact same issues and trauma that Carmy has so I can't see Syd being with or sleeping with someone she doesn't feel connected to like that. I could be wrong but I can't see her changing her mind about Marcus and suddenly dating him at this point. She seems like someone who knows what she wants and won't settle for less just because it's available. (Not that Marcus is "less" than anyone, my sweet little cherub.) I could see her feeling a connection to Luca though, he's basically a calm version of Carmy that pays attention.

Ayo basically saying in an interview that Will Poulter pays attention to her instead of his phone was such a random piece of info imo. I get it made context in the story she was telling but it just seems like such a deliberate pointed thing to bring up knowing right now in the show Syd doesn't feel appreciated or listened to by Carmy. She could've answered the question without mentioning Will at all tbh, and even if she did mention him she didn't need to mention all of that, give us a whole backstory and everything, idk. This might be a reach but I'm pretty sure they give out of context clues like this in interviews, they definitely do it in the show so I wouldn't be surprised.

I think it was a clue about the dynamic between Syd and Luca in S3 and the difference between Carmy and Luca is Carmy's unfocused and makes Syd feel like he doesn't listen to her but Luca makes her feel like he pays attention to her. I still don't think this needs to be in a romantic sense but I'm happy for Syd to get some TLC from a hot blond guy with tattoos before Carmy sees sense.

Idk we'll see how that story plays out in S3 but if the fact Luca pays attention to her is a plot point (even a subtextual one) I'm taking that story from Ayo as an out of context spoiler.

I love Marcus and I adore Lionel BUT I just can't see Marcus and Syd being together. Their vibe is so brother/sister to me that it would just be weird at this point in the show imo. The same way sydcarmy ending the show only ever being "platonic co-workers" would give me weird inappropriate vibes about their dynamic throughout the show. The romantic dynamic between sydcarmy and the platonic dynamic between Syd x Marcus are kinda set in stone imo, especially after S2. It'll be very difficult from a literary standpoint to drastically change those dynamics in a believable way and keep the quality of storytelling and integrity of the show intact at this point. It's not impossible, I just don't think it's likely at all.

I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to Marcus's storyline in S3. My mum died when I was young so seeing kids (even if they're adults) attending their mum's funeral on shows/movies always makes me emotional, especially when it's a character I care about. (If we get a flashback of Syd at her mum's funeral I might actually die of sadness bc I'm not ready for that! I've had enough time to accept I'm gonna see Marcus's mum's funeral but if they spring Syd's mum's funeral on me too it might actually break me idk.) I am looking forward to seeing him be supported through it though and other than his mother's funeral storyline I'm excited to see where his story goes in S3. I feel like Carmy's gonna be an asshole to him if he starts getting closer to Syd and while I love the angst and jealousy of SydCarmy he better not hurt Marcus's feelings or be too hard on him. I can't wait for some Marcus x Luca scenes too.

I nearly forgot the loml, Tina! I'm so excited to see her story in S3, idek what to expect other than her backstory episode that Ayo's directing 🙌🏽 but I'm sure I will love it. Liza does so well in this role at making me feel things (all of the cast do tbh but Liza as Tina just plucks my heartstrings on a different level.)

If you read this far, thank you I appreciate you 💛

[h3nry-3mily]

Henry thoughts but I feel like my HC for him is so jank in comparison to others bc he's like. Not The robotics guy he doesn't do the engineering despite that actually being a pretty major thing when it comes to canon

And the REASON it's like that is literally just bc my Henry HC is held together with duct tape and hope since I made a lot of it up after just looking at the game lore

But yeah have some Henry (and William) thoughts:

-William handled robotics while Henry made them less nightmare fuel, Henry's talents lended themselves to character design and development. The less involved Henry is the weirder the animatronics get, which is why you can go from something cute like Freddy and Co to some freaks of nature like the human animatronics in SL

-he knows the basics though, he can preform maintenance and repair them fine but he wasn't great at building them from scratch or developing them on his own. He had lots of IDEAS but not the ability to bring them to actualization

-also had a springlocking Incident, ironically due to William's own accident making him worry for the other's safety. Thankfully it was while he was testing the suit for maintenance and not when he was in public and performing

-springlocking messed one of his legs up pretty bad, hence the use of a cane. Decorated it to make it a little more fun looking bc he kinda hated it plain. He can walk without it and preform in fredbear but it'll start hurting pretty bad if he's not careful.

-he very firmly denies having a favorite of William's kids (it is evan. He won't say it but it's evan.)

-trans!! Fat hairy trans man who's content with his body as it is! He got his tits removed but they're still kinda there just because of his build but he doesn't mind, he knows he'd look doofy if he had a fully flat chest.

-him and his wife got along well but they never really loved each other very deeply. Henry never really got over his thing with Will in college and being with his wife never made him feel the same way as that so he kinda just had those feelings on the backburner for like, years, and now he's kinda fucking weird because of it.

-t4t with wife, works out because half the reason either of them got married was they wanted a kid. Henry carried, decided he fucking hated how being pregnant felt, and proceeded to get his whole damn uterus removed as soon as possible after having charlie. She was the light of both their lives though and I don't think they let their own lacking romantic feelings affect how they raised her.

-while he was generally pretty warm and inviting interacting with guests he did not fuck around when it came to the legal and business side of things. Refused to let anything bad happen to his company, it was his child almost as much as his ACTUAL child, hence all the comments about liability and the like that come up throughout basically every game. You will not get him in trouble with your silly little injuries, no sir.

-he always enjoyed drawing springbonnie and fredbear together. Years in the future even after finding out what William did he still doodles them on occasion.

-A solid cook, I think he liked making things and then bringing leftovers over to the aftons

-physical affection above all else, he loves hugs and would pick up the kids in his arms on the regular. Mike got tired of it as he got to his mean teen phase, much to Henry's disappointment.

-got the songs from fredbears stuck in his head all the time, would hum them to himself pretty often

There's more but I can't think of anything to add rn

[palialaina]

I am almost sad that the Luna Festival version of the Maji Market is done.

Almost. It was fun, but no lie, with nothing calling out to be bought, I was kinda bored with it. Though hotpot is fun, and I hope that game comes back in the future.

Hodari came by the other morning and told me he'd finished the tunnel between my plot and Bahari, and he wanted me to see it. I have to say, this will definitely make getting there so much faster!

Tish, Jel, Reth, and even Zeki all got shipments of new stuff, though Zeki insisted I keep his quiet. I might be cautiously warming upt to Subira, but he's sure not. Can't blame him, a fine is a fine, and it's not minimal to someone like Zeki.

Anyways, so Reth said I needed more kitchen clutter. Which.. yeah, okay, he's not entirely wrong.

But I wasn't exactly expecting to have to make my own pots and pans and things. They came out really nicely though, I'm impressed.

Je; got some new outfits, and some were delightful, others were just... odd. But not terribly surprising. I'd like something simple every now and again, but I'm happy to see some cute stuff too.

I really like these glasses too. I feel like I see better with them on for sure.

There's some generalized weirdness going on in Bahari again, but none of it's felt like bad-weird. Just... weird weird. I tripped over the ghost of a rock! Honestly didn't expect the kamera to pick it up, but there it is!

And I think the flow groves are putting off more... magic? Not sure how to reference it. It just seems like there's more sparklies. It was nice, if strange.

That metal sign turned up down in the tunnels near the beach, glowing like it belonged to one of the temples. I still think that area farther down has something to do with it all. Maybe it'll turn out to be a flow gate again, who knows...

Tish got the best wallpaper in existence. My room is pink and floral, and I have zero regrets~

I tried to make those garnets into a heart shape, but I need to move them about a little more, I think. Close!

I found another weird schematic from Florentine again. Najuma said it looked like a prototype glider but.... bad. Like, couldn't even fly bad. She built it for me anyways, I just had to promise to hang it up instead of using it, so now it's hanging up in the workshop!

I really want to know where Auni found these bugs. It's so pretty, not to mention soothing. But I haven't seen shimmerflies in Kilima or Bahari! Maybe it's a different name for those weird glowbugs?

Progress is being made on the caretaker home at my temple. After this I just need two more small rooms! (I already bought the hallway) And then I'll fill it with furniture.

Also, after much thought, I decided the wish trees looked better in front of the temple. It just seems like the right place to put them.

Okay, I need to go hunting clay because someone decided I needed to learn how to make my own dishes after my bratty palcats broke what I had. I mean, I get that it's hard to ship stuff here, but c'mon!

Oh well. Dish making, here I come, I suppose.

[brown-little-robin]

another one! tagged by @scarvenartist (thanks!! hello! :D)

Are you named after anyone? Yes! BibleCharacter from ABibleBook :}

When was the last time you cried? Monday when I watched the 2nd half of Hamilton. I've cried so much in the past two weeks?? three whole times?? I never cry this much?? but Hamilton made me cry twice and learning Japanese made me cry once

Do you have kids? Nope. Unless you count my favorite ocs, in which I have... *counts*... at least twenty.

What sports do you play/have you played? I was in one semester of hap ki do once! That was fun. I also like to walk. I did twice-weekly long walks as all my P.E. credits in homeschool, and to this day I always walk rather than take busses. I'm dreading having to find ways to exercise other than my in-built College Campus Walks To Classes when I leave college :((( maybe I'll start yoga again... sigh... or maybe I'll do what sparks joy and go hike by myself sometimes! I'm hoping to take more martial arts classes in the future, too.

Do you use sarcasm? Sometimes! but only in situations where I'm pretty confident it'll be well received and isn't mean-spirited. although I admit in my worst/most fearful moments with strangers sometimes I do get sarcastic as a defense mechanism. I'm growing out of that, though.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Nowadays it's fashion choices, usually. I like noticing what people choose to wear! I love it when people get weird with it. Old ladies with big ostentatious earrings are some of my favorites to see. Also young adults with anime stuff on their backpacks.

What's your eye color? Brown :} rich warm dark brown

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy ending most of the time Please 🥺 I only like watching scary/sad stuff with my dad. he unlocks that in me. and sometimes with Stormy.

Any talents? good at clay sculptures! also good at coming up with fun characters and plots, and making people laugh. also academic writing and helping people with academic writing!

Where were you born? I was grown in a tube, next question

What are your hobbies? writing, reading, watching anime, posting on tumblr dot com, seeking out and stealing poems for my personal poetry document, ceramics, sewing (exclusively plushie mice)

Do you have any pets? Not right now, but I used to have hamsters and I want to have hamsters (or Maybe a related form of rodent e.g. guinea pigs or rats) again. I will after college probably!

How tall are you? 5'4. a good height

Favorite subject in school? Currently, Advanced Ceramics is my favorite class. Historically, English, Psychology, and History have been my favorites overall.

Dream job? tbh, interlibrary loan assistant..... I dream of having @isfjmel-phleg's career..... but currently I'm pursuing professional tutoring bc it seems more achievable

Tagging... anyone who wants to do this! I feel like my friends are all pretty busy right now so I'll leave it up to whoever sees this and Likes these questions :}

[arcadia-of-pluto]

Galaxy Corner; ✨️

Hey guys! I decided since I'm going to try to post things more often, I thought a nice little bio/about section was necessary. So let's get into it! 🩷 And I hope this doesn't disappoint you, if y'all were waiting for an update

Age; it's in my bio, but I thought it would be good to have here too. As of this post, I'm 23.

Behind the Name ☆; I go by Pluto online since I wanted to see if I liked the name enough to use irl. A few years back when I realized I was non-binary, I thought a special "name" was necessary so I chose Pluto since it's, well, special to me. Pluto has always been my favourite planet (I cried when it was declared a dwarf planet) and Pluto has always been my favourite roman god so the name just stuck. I always felt like the name was connected to me and I feel really comfortable using it as such.

Oh! And the word "arcadia" in my username means "a region or scene of simple pleasure and quiet." So I feel like my username translates to "safe place of/for pluto"!

Sexuality & Gender identity; this isn't a necessary thing, per say, but I just wanted to add it. I don't mind any pronouns used toward me, I don't really have a preference either. It is what it is and all of that. When it comes to sexuality, I assume I'm pan? I really only care for personality, but I do have a preference for men or more masculine people.

About Me; I dropped out of college, because I couldn't afford to dorm and I submitted my schedule way too late so I got classes I didn't want or simply couldn't do. I have crippling, social anxiety but once I warm up to someone, I'm 100% a yapper. I can ramble along all day if I'm on a topic I like. I have rosacea, which is a skin condition where the blood vessel in your cheeks are inflamed. It gives off an appearance of constantly blushing or sometimes a bad sunburn depending on the day. It also causes acne breakouts so very fun. I have four tattoos, all small, and I only like two of them. The other two are a bit too basic for my liking. I've dated twice in my life, both horrible experiences. I could say so much about them but that's a topic for another day. I'm left-handed and I used to draw a lot but now I struggle even holding a pencil since it's been so long. And that's...honestly all that's interesting about me! Nothing much else, I'm pretty boring otherwise. My personality really reflects off of the person who I'm talking to so, otherwise, I struggle trying to come up with a mental image of myself. 🩷 well that got too deep-

Experience; I've been rping since I was ten, writing oneshots on wattpad since I was fifteen until I stopped when my 600k views oneshot fic on wattpad got taken down for mature content 😞 so I do apologize if I'm work comes off as dated or a bit childish and short! I've never wrote long form content besides multi chapters of a singular oneshot

Plans for the future; I do have a part time job, but I'm planning on writing more fics and oneshots in the future! I have up to nineteen chapters written so far on ToF (Twist of Fate) and I have been writing down ideas for new oneshots or even shorter series for the future. I'm not sure how long ToF will be but I doubt it'll be more than 100...100 seems like a lot, and Love and Deepspace is still an ongoing game so I can't exactly wrap up the story any time soon. I also plan on posting some original works to here, though most will be isekai-themed since I've been really into those kinds of stories lately. My google docs are filled the the brim with ideas

Upload schedule; Weekends will be when I'm most active when it comes to posting since I work Monday through Friday, but I'll be semi-active throughout the day. I have a little bit of downtime at work, and a lot of downtime before and after work so I'll have time to reply to comments or follow anyone back!

Time Zone; For uploading purposes, I thought it would be good to disclose this. It's not too big of a deal, I feel. My time zone is CST.

Any other Fandom stories; I might get back to my old BTS ideas. I have a few ideas involving them so I might also add them. This is a multi-fandom account after all, but my main focus will be Love and Deepspace.

Currently reading; I get a lot of my inspiration from different animes, manga, and manhwas so you might seem common tropes reflected in my work. A lot of isekai and regression manhwas like "Who made me a princess?", "Actually, I was the real one.", and "Villains are Destined to Die" for example are really good and really got me into liking the isekai genre as a whole.

Side notes; While I do look over my writing, there will probably be some spelling errors or swapped words since my brain tends to skip over words whenever I type so if you notice anything like that, don't be afraid to let me know. If it's a huge mistake, I'll fix it but if it's something simple- like needing an extra comma or something, I'll leave it since it doesn't affect the overall reading quality.

Now, with that all being said, I hope you're excited for the next two or three chapters that I'm going to post this weekend 🩷 Some of my favourite parts are coming up soon!

Also, if I need to add anything else, just let me know! I've never had to talk about myself much, if at all ○o。.

[sparklingchim]

sixth sense tingled again! short and sweet this time around, since tonight's been a rough one but i wanted to leave a little ask as i've grown accustomed to do. ego season couple are soooo fun!!! i honestly find them so goofy, it's one of those rare times when it's not off-putting or angsty to me that they just Won't Come Out And Say It but maybe it's because i don't think it'll happen (because i know it will happen eventually) in a big outburst or anything but like. organically. as in oc just warming up to the idea and jungkook's already there so they might be just be chilling, no sex involved, and he'll just ask her out, no dramatics, just honesty. because they're friends! and sometimes there doesn't have to be a whole melodrama to it. it just happens

btw, i found it very endearing that oc said "[the chain]'s pretty. suits you" because she's basically calling him pretty. i'm sure he hears all and every single synonym of "hot" but i'm betting nobody's called him pretty. and i know he's feeling all warm inside. he'll be all cocky and like "yeah i got laid and i wasn't even counting on it today" but what he'll think about that night is "oh. she called me pretty" (that whole moment also had me feeling like that meme of a girl dangling a chain above her. i don't know how submissions work/whether you read them so i'm not attaching the image but i'm sure yk which one i mean)

in the end this turned out being as dragged out as per usual, so as per usual, lots of love,

bloom 💐

ps: may drop by with a tiny request/idea one of these days. purely selfish and indulgent

bloooomm !!! hiii !!! i hope ur feeling better now :( but thank u for still dropping by <3

that's all i want u guys to feel when u read ego season - just a silly, sweet time <3 (the angst will follow in future chapters if i can get myself to write them </3) but for now it's just fun !!!!

jk is a sucker for any compliments !!! especially when they're from oc 🤭 he did feel all giddy <3

u mean this pic ?? 🤭 i fear this is all oc will think about for the rest of the week <3

love u !!!!! 🫂 please do tell me about ur little request, m intrigued 😋

[pearl-the-artist]

You wanna know something ?

Everytime i have been in a fandom mood you always provided, and i meant it has:

I started with your classic megaman art which is so soft and so fricking cute i cant believe how beautiful you make the bald man and the dentist look (jk lots of love to flash and metal)

Then when i got into tf2 you did too i would see your sniper post from afar and i would go “uh they got into tf2 thats neat”

I get into library of ruina AND YOU DO TOO??? What???? Like i find it so funny how you have the same very niche interest as time and in the relative same time and i cant thank you enough for posting your art because its always so pretty but i also found it so funny how everytime i got into a new fandom you provided???

Anyway it wasnt to be creepy but really youre just one of the active artist i followed on tumblr and it always warm my heart to see you on my feed, they always been gorgeous the color are usualy so soft and comfortable they feel like fluffed up pillow and i hope i didnt come off as a weirdo

Tldr youre art wonderful keep up the good work

Ahaha, I have a mutual like that as well! It's such a funny experience, really threw me off in a good way

That being said, I honestly don't even know what to say, this is probably the best ask I've ever gotten and you have no idea how much this made me happy :')

I really do appreciate it, my old artstyle isn't something I look back on too proudly but to hear you describe it like that is so sweet!! I'm glad it served you well, and who knows, maybe it'll cross your path in a future fandom again :P

Thank you so much again!

[smol-grey-tea]

I think I've settled myself into my own brand of fanfic now. Expect similar things in future

Ik Tei is good at reading ppl in general, but always believed that his understanding of Red was more than just his own observations and assumptions, but rather because of a firsthand experience with him

Aka, ever notice that Red's the only character who talks about being nervous about school?

Everyone was gathered in front of the principal's office, struggling to comprehend the reality they'd been thrust into. Surprise after surprise after surprise.

It felt strange for Tei to wear clothes other than the outfit he was used to but he decided he should acclimate quickly to ease the stress off his owner's shoulders. Already, they'd been assigned classes and were soon to be expected at their first lesson.

"Then we'll be off now. Everyone, good luck," said Tei, waving to Eri with Red at his side.

"Is this my first class? Ahh, so nervous! Alright, I'll definitely prove myself to everyone today!" Red cheered, hopping around and moving in such a way that Tei worried he was about to take someone's eye out.

"Everyone...be careful," said Eri, sighing at the scene.

"I told you not to worry. Just trust me!" Red beamed. Tei was worried about Eri the most though.

All of them said their goodbyes and Tei couldn't take his eyes off her when she faded into the distance at the end of the hallway with Yeonho and Lance. It felt like an eternity of being bathed in her warm light and then an abyss of emptiness after knowing he now had to face all of the hungry looks in the classroom.

Oh well. If she's happy this way, it's best to keep her that way. He just hoped that everything would turn out okay and that she wouldn't be in danger where she can't see him.

"Here we are. It's this classroom, right, Tei? He said it was the one on the second floor at the end of the corridor."

"Yes, this must be it. Let's go in then," Tei sighed. He picked up his hand to turn the door knob.

"Ah, wait! I just thought... We should probably get a tour of the school before we go in, right? We should learn our way around before we do anything. What if we need to get somewhere?"

"I'm sure it'll be alright. We can just follow everyone else."

"But what if there's an emergency? Are we sure we know our way back to the exit?"

Tei hadn't thought of that. Probably because it wasn't really an issue... Maybe it wasn't that likely for an emergency to happen where other people can't just direct them of where to go, but it probably would be a good idea to find Eri's classroom. If the teacher asks why they were late, they can just explain that they'd gotten lost.

"Well, alright then. Why don't we start by going back to the first floor?"

"Yesss!! March on, team! Let's go 三三ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ" Tei wasn't sure how Red put an emoticon into his speech, but it didn't matter.

The pair of them returned to the principal's office, going back the way they came, then explored the rest of the floor, examining the menu at the cafeteria and taking note of the infirmary, before trekking back upstairs. They explored that floor as well, then the next, and finally returned to the classroom they'd been assigned.

"Well, that was definitely an adventure," said Tei, minding the pain in his knee from walking such a distance. "But I think we should really get to class now. Let's-"

"No, wait!!" What now? "... Are we sure we know our way around?"

"... What do you mean?"

"What if we're not really sure of where everything is? I think we should check again just to make sure."

"I'm pretty sure I know my way around now... And we're going to be late now, they're going to wonder what's keeping us so long."

"But..! I left something back downstairs!"

"Red, you...don't even have anything on you in the first place..."

"No, but..! Actually..! I need something from...the infirmary?"

Tei sighed. "... Okay. What do you need?"

"Um... It's just...something... I can't remember what it's called..."

"... Alright then, let's go."

"Yes!! Come on, Tei, I'll race you there!!"

"Ahh- Please don't run!!" Tei cried. But Red was already out of sight.

At the infirmary, the pair met quite a strange man and his lover, Beatrice, the skeleton model. This didn't really help to move them along with getting into the classroom.

"What did you say you needed?" Tei asked.

"Umm... You know what, it's not important... Tei, this guy looks suspicious," Red whispered.

"Yes, we should leave." They said their goodbyes and headed back upstairs again.

"Okay. Are you finally ready to get to class now?" Tei asked. Red was wringing his hands behind him.

"Ehh... Well... So, actually... Um... I have to go to the bathroom first."

Tei found it impossible not to roll his eyes at the sight of Red dashing off back down the hall towards the mens' toilets. At least they'd already gone on a good tour of the school so they knew where to find it.

It would have been easy enough for Tei to simply abandon Red and enter the classroom on his own, and the journey was killing his knee, so it was very tempting. But he decided that the owner would not be very happy if she found out that he abandoned Red on the first day.

It was a smallish sized room with urinals on the one side and cubicles on the other, with sinks under the blurred window.

It was a bit quiet.

"... Red?"

"Um... I-"

Tei approached the locked cubicle Red's voice was coming from and crouched down upon realising that his feet, visible through the gap in the bottom of the door, appeared to be pacing in circles inside the small space.

"Red... Are you really alright?"

"Huh? What? Oh- Um, I'm, I'm really alright, uh-"

"... Are you sure?"

His breathing sounded heavy, like he was running. Tei watched him stop in place and sit down with his back to the floor.

"I'm... I... It- It's fine really..."

"... Do you...not want to go to class at all?"

The silence spoke for itself.

"... No, it's not that I don't want to, just- I'm just-"

"I do understand," Tei sighed, shifting on the floor to a more comfortable position for his knee. "Yuri did bring us here very suddenly. I was very startled too when I had to put on this uniform and go to school without even being fully explained of the situation."

"No, um.. It's not that, I just..."

Tei waited patiently in silence to let Red take his time, allowing himself to catch his own breath.

"... Do you think they'll like me?"

"... Of course. They'll definitely like you."

"No, I mean... I don't even have my special powers yet. I will get them soon, if I try my best, but... What if they don't want to wait?"

Tei raised an eyebrow at the mention of special powers. He recalled hearing about the Red type believing he would one day gain special powers. If he was honest, he didn't personally believe in his special powers in the slightest. It just wasn't something that seemed possible.

He let out a sigh. His own personal opinion mattered little when Red's emotional state might be an issue that, if not treated, could affect the owner.

"It'll be alright, Red."

"... Really?"

"I'm sure it will. You'll still get your powers, since we'll be working hard to defend justice together, so that thing is nothing to be worried about. If they aren't happy about you not having those powers yet, then why don't we show them just how dedicated to justice we are when we see them?"

"Hmm..." Red considered his words. He seemed to calm down. "You really think that would work?"

"Definitely," Tei smiled. "It's alright to be nervous. If they don't like you, then we'll show them why they should. Right?"

"Alright. Um... Okay. Yeah. Then let's do that... " Red breathed in. And breathed out. "... I'm okay now. Yeah. I'm alright..."

"Do you need five more minutes or are you ready to go in now?"

"Um... A bit more maybe..."

"Then alright. I'll be waiting outside for you then, okay?"

"Okay... Thanks, Tei..."

"Of course," he said, standing up. He stood outside, keeping watch. He was glad to not have seen many other students walking around, not wanting to draw attention to themselves in such a delicate situation.

Perhaps this might not be the best method of handling Red's emotions, since he tends to be quite hyper when excited, so even that might be a problem. But being near him all the time would let Tei keep a good eye on him and his emotional state, so he could always be around to do damage control. He made a mental note to try and get a seat in the classroom as close to Red as possible.

It was actually closer to ten minutes than five before Red emerged from the restroom but it seemed to have done good, since on his face was no trace of the turbulence of emotions from before.

"Ready?" Tei smiled, starting towards the classroom.

Red beamed and gave a mischievous wink, saluting as he did so.

"Race you there, Tei!!"

I used to have panic attacks on the way to school too Red <33333 is ok, it get better

[onyxbird]

Iterative Solution

Summary: Some time after the end of Season 1, Fitz finds his dreams replaying his and Simmons' capture by Ward over and over. He has a chance to change the outcome if he can just bring himself to take it—Ward's offering him a chance to change the outcome—but none of the options sit right with Fitz. There has to be a better way. (Also on AO3.)

"If you want to change things, someone needs to die."

Ward's tone was oddly gentle. His hand was warm where it gently pressed Ward's own pistol—the real one, not a Night-Night gun—into Fitz's hand, barrel pointed at Ward's chest.

Fitz jolted awake.

…

The next night, the same dream.

"Why?" said Fitz, voice cracking. "Why can't you just let us go?"

Fitz couldn't drag his eyes away from Ward's. "If they realize I let you go, they'll interrogate me to try to figure out your next move. I know too much about the team. It'll be better for both of us if they think you just got lucky and got the drop on me. Once you pull the trigger, take Simmons and run like hell—don't look back for anything, you understand?"

Fitz's hand shook. He couldn't.

History repeated, as he had the nagging feeling it had done time and time again. Staring at Ward through the window of the medical pod, chest heaving, Simmons panicking behind him, Fitz felt paralyzed. He knew what came next.

He would still give Simmons the oxygen. He had to. But the thought of drowning again…

Another brief respite with no other Hydra agents, just him and Ward. Surely, surely, there was another way out of this.

“Can you make it float?” Ward asked urgently. His fingertips brushed the glass with a barely perceptible tremble, as if the right—or wrong—touch could either fix everything or shatter it into pieces.

“…What?”

“The pod. Is there anything you can do to make it float when it hits the water?”

Fitz shook his head helplessly and tried to tamp down the panic climbing up his esophagus. When. His brain was too full of static to think about anything, and he was pretty sure the answer was no, anyway. He and Simmons had wracked their brains when they sank, and Fitz had worried at the question obsessively as he recovered. There were ways to make future pods float, and there were ways this one probably could have been modified—from the outside and with tools and time. But when they were already locked in, in those few desperate moments of shelter before Ward dropped them? No.

Ward glanced warily over his shoulder for Hydra agents. His hand crept reluctantly towards the release button.

“Wait!” said Fitz, desperately. “Don't—! What if you don't drop us? You know what's going to happen; you know it's going to sink.”

Ward's eyes squeezed shut. “I know. I've tried that. If you stay on the plane—Garrett's just going to call someone with a blowtorch to cut it open when we land. You—You don't want that to happen. I promise, it's worse.”

Ward's head came up a fraction of a second before Fitz registered the sound he was reacting to: Three more Hydra agents coming around the corner.

Then there was nothing but the lurch of his stomach as the ground dropped out from beneath him.

Again.

He awoke in the dark with his stomach roiling, thankful not to have to relive those moments underwater.

It was early, a little past 5 am. He got up anyway, hoping a couple hours of puttering in the lab alone would help to drive the nightmare out of his head.

If only he could shake the comment that kept reverberating through his head: “I've tried that.”

…

Fitz was disappointed but not surprised to find himself back again the next night, Ward again pressing the gun on him and urging him to flee.

“How many times have you done this?”

Ward rocked back on his heels, eyes widening slightly. He didn't answer.

“You said you tried not dropping the pod.” Fitz kept his voice low, but he couldn't stop the torrent. “You've been repeating this longer than I have, haven't you? How many times? Do you know why? What have you tried? Have—”

“Fitz, if we keep talking, you're going to end up on the plane and going into the ocean. We don't have time.”

Fitz swallowed. “But it's going to loop, right? We're going to be back here again.”

“…I think so.”

“How many times?”

“I'm not sure. A lot. You've been…” Ward gestured vaguely to Simmons. “…like her up until the last few.”

Fitz glanced back as well. It was obvious what Ward meant. Simmons was there, of course, just as she had been the first time, but she was just going through the motions, like a recording, with no recognition of the fact that this wasn't happening for the first time. She displayed no comprehension, or even awareness, of Fitz and Ward's “off-script” discussion.

Fitz could hear footsteps approaching. They were out of time to talk—about to be pulled into another inexorable loop of being trapped on the Bus.

“You said to take her and run—would she go?” hissed Fitz.

Ward shrugged helplessly, a sharp contrast to the gun he was already raising towards the scientists. “I think so. When I changed stuff before, people—”

A Hydra agent appeared around the corner, eyes narrowing. Not the one whose footsteps Fitz had heard. He shouted for the others without taking his eyes off Ward, or his hand off his sidearm.

Ward had been right. Staying on the Bus was not a good option, and neither was Ward being suspected of helping them.

…

“Are you sure I have to shoot you?” Fitz's thumb wavered over the safety. “I get why we need to not end up on the Bus in the first place, but—”

“It's a distraction; it gives them a reason to be wary of you, and it keeps them from trying to get information out of me to figure out where you might go.” Ward's hand wrapped gently over the top of the barrel, aiming it and steadying it against Fitz's trembling. “It's OK. None of this is your fault.”

Fitz got the impression Ward had planned this option long before Fitz “woke up” to be convinced.

“Your hand is going to get burned.”

“If you aim where I'm telling you, it won't matter. If you miss, I'll have bigger problems.”

Fitz wished he didn't understand how true that was. Ward's crooked smile only made it worse.

“If you want to save Simmons, you need to go now.”

The race away from the scene was like a dream—more specifically, a nightmare. Dragging Simmons by the hand, shouts and gunshots ringing out behind them, heart hammering, panting for air like his chest was trapped in a vice, forcing burning legs to move while waiting for an inevitable bullet to bury itself between his shoulder blades.

All he could hear was the echos of the gunshot, the jerk of the gun in his hands, Ward collapsing like a broken puppet as the blood began to spread.

He lurched over the side of his bed, barely managing to grab his wastebasket before vomiting up everything in his stomach.

…

He didn't want to go to sleep.

The team thought he had a stomach bug. He'd spent most of the day curled up in a cocoon of blankets, rebuffing offers of company with a wan smile and trying to distract himself with books and movies and research articles.

He'd worried that Simmons would see through his excuses and demand he come clean, but she seemed distracted herself. She'd fussed over him with anti-nausea meds, lots of fluids, and bland snacks to settle his stomach, but otherwise accepted his insistence that he just wanted to rest.

Ward—dream Ward, who was surely just a figment of Fitz's imagination and trauma dreams—had been sure this was the solution. He and Jemma had gotten away clean before the dream faded, their real-life captor left dead behind them by Fitz's own hand. By the standards of all the Hollywood “Groundhog Day” loops, this should be over. It was a logical progression of the loop to a nice, tidy resolution. Justice served. Catharsis achieved. Or should have been achieved? Fitz couldn't really say he was feeling the release.

Fitz wished he was convinced.

The clock ticked towards midnight. Exhaustion dragged his eyelids down, and if he got up to try to stay awake, someone would notice and become more concerned.

They were back.

Ward looked as distraught as Fitz felt. “You didn't make it?”

“Oh, god, it really is a loop.”

They both whipped around to look at Simmons.

“It is a loop, isn't it?” she said, wide-eyed. “I had this dream last night, and you were talking like you had a plan. You shot him and we got away.”

“If it worked why are you back?”

“I don't know.”

Ward swiped a hand over his face, looking utterly exhausted. “Well,” he said, in a defeated tone, “at least we know this version works.” He unholstered his pistol, flipping it around to offer to Fitz and Simmons grip-first, as he had countless times before.

Fitz stared at it. He knew it was the only sure way to save himself and Simmons. He also knew he couldn't stomach shooting Ward again.

“Fitz…”

“Come with us,” he blurted.

“What?”

“Come with us. We'll be safer with you, and they can't interrogate you if you're not there.”

“You can't—”

“Just come! There's no time!”

“We'll sort it out later,” said Simmons. Her arms wrapped nervously around her stomach, not fully ready to trust Ward. “They're coming, aren't they? There's no time. Let's go, and we'll sort it out later.”

Fitz grabbed her hand and squeezed it in gratitude for the backup. He turned, pulling Simmons with him with one hand and reaching for Ward's sleeve with the other. “Come on. If you want to save us, you have to do it now.”

It was the first morning in more than a week that Fitz had woken up gently. Their escape had been a closer one than in Ward's plan—he'd had to drop back several times to pick off pursuing Hydra agents—but in the end they'd made it. With Ward.

They hadn't had time to really sort anything out, as Simmons had put it, but it had worked. That was the important part. If they had to keep doing this, Fitz could live with that.

When Fitz cautiously ventured out to find breakfast, Simmons had just beaten him to the kitchen. One glance at her face confirmed that it hadn't been an ordinary dream.

“Feeling better?” said Coulson, cheerfully, from behind him.

Fitz started. “Er, yeah. Feeling a lot better, actually.” He exchanged a glance with Simmons. “…But there's something I think we might need to talk to you about, sir.”

Coulson raised an eyebrow. “OK?”

Simmons broke in before Fitz could speak. “We need to talk to Ward.”

[happyandticklish]

ahh i hope it’s okay to send a few pairings in one ask for the tickle fight thing!!! if not feel free to pick one or two from these xoxo

jeremy & michael (bmc); elio & oliver (cmbyn); l & light (death note); jd & veronica (heathers); nancy & robin (stranger things)

Luckily for you I happen to love all these ships, so I will be completing each of these~ Thanks for sending some in!

In the future though, I'll probably have people send just one or two at a time though, just because tagging is a bit of a mess lol

Under the cut because it got long yada yada yada

Round Eleven: Jeremy vs Michael

Okay so. Technically Michael was the sole winner of their tickle fights for most of their friendship, however, this was mostly because he would take down Jeremy before the other boy ever got a chance to actually fight back. I feel like Michael would both know about and have The Kink (not necessarily sexually, that's just the only term that doesn't sound stupid for it lol), so he's always nervous about people tickling him because he's worried someone's gonna figure it out. So for a lot of their friendship, Jeremy believed that Michael just wasn't ticklish.

Until one day, around their sophomore year, Jeremy accidentally went for this spot on Michael's knee and the latter let out this shriek-y giggle sound and immediatelly fled the fight in his scramble to get away. And Jeremy's eyes are so wide because wtf you aren't supposed to be ticklish. But of course he has to test this out, which is when he realizes that apparently Michael Mell is unbelievably ticklish everywhere and a mess when tickled. So after that, their fights became more 50/50 (as Jeremy still loses a fuckton of them due to being a ball of ticklish nerves)

Round Twelve: Elio vs Oliver

I feel like Oliver wins most of their tickle fights unless he's purposefully letting himself fail. Elio's definitely the more ticklish of the two, which makes him more likely to lose and more determined to win. Oliver is pretty ticklish himself, but you have to catch him in the right mood or else he's good at resisting it. Early mornings are the best time for this, when he's all soft and sleepy. It'll start with Elio's fingers gently brushing his sides, and then warm, ticklish kisses on his neck and breath in his ear, and all of a sudden Elio is pinching his hips and Oliver is curling up against him and letting out these very un-Oliver like giggles. He won't fight back in the morning either, so most of Elio's wins have come from this. However, the majority of the time, no matter who instigates it, Elio is losing hard.

Round Thirteen: L vs Light

Just to start this off, I don't think that these two would engage in that many tickle fights to begin with. It does occur sometimes, but in general they're not that touchy of people. HOWEVER. When they do occur, Light is almost always the victim. L has detective advantages and can pinpoint his worst spots. He likes to catch Light off guard and wrap their chain around his other wrist before he can notice, and then he'll just casually poke along Light's frame, commenting on all of his reactions. And Light is hissing and struggling to break free and doing everything in his power not to laugh despite how scarily good L is at tickling. Also, Light has this spot on his neck that kills him every time and he cannot fight back at that point, all of his efforts are devoted to blocking off the area. L usually only loses when he hits too ticklish of a spot and Light gets hit with this bolt of energy that allows him to turn the tables.

Round Fourteen: JD vs Veronica

It's almost perfectly even between the two, they're like children about it. Both only siblings, both having never had to deal with tickle fights, both with pretty equal sensitivity. JD is more vicious in his approach, but Veronica is methodical with it and will allow herself to be taken down for a bit if it gives her time to strategize. I'd argue that JD might lose a bit more purely because he not-so-subtly enjoys the affection and will give up the fight just to get wrecked. Not that he'll ever admit to it, of course.

Round Fifteen: Nancy vs Robin

NANCY. Robin cannot hold her own in a tickle fight to save her life. She can win against Steve because he lets her and doesn't mind it, so I feel like she developed this cockiness with it that was quickly disproven when she first tried going up against Nancy. Nancy IS ticklish, don't get me wrong, but she doesn't really enjoy the sensation or the lack of control it gives her. Sometimes she's more okay with it than others, especially when Robin's the one doing it, but she can't help her body's natural fight or flight response to it. She gets mean with tickling to, going for worst spots right away and using her long nails to her advantage. And Robin, who is a mess of nervous energy to begin with, never stands a chance against her. I would argue that while sometimes Nancy will let her tickle her, if she's in the right mood, Robin can never win if it's a genuine tickle fight.