#the friend oc’s is just I don’t want to embarrass myself LMAO

[the-raging-tempest]

OC Meme

B A S I C S

Full name: Lariel Aldonlel

Gender: Cis woman

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R

Family: Twin Brother: Zrise Aldonlel, Mother: Ordielau Ellvesem, Half Brother: Valondriel Ellvesem, Step Father: Thohan Ellvesem, Grandfather: Ianthos Aldonlel. Family they don't know. Father: Banom, Half Sister: Nelka, Half Brother: Korek, Step Mother: Desha, Half Sister: Elowen

Birthplace: Nerosyan; Mendev

Job: Noble Lady

Phobias: Crowds, Public Speaking, Large Dogs

Guilty Pleasures: Eating sweets, long baths, romance novels, buying expensive luxuries

Hobbies: Playing the harp, painting, drawing, embroidery

M O R A L S

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Sins: Pride, Sloth

Virtues: Charity, Kindness

T H I S  O R  T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert / In between

Organized / Disorganized / In between

Close-minded / Open-minded 

Calm / Anxious / Restless 

Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between 

Cautious / Reckless / In between 

Patient / Impatient / In between 

Outspoken / Reserved / In between 

Leader / Follower / Flexible 

Empathetic / Un-empathetic / In between 

Optimist / Pessimist / Realist 

Traditional / Modern / In between 

Hard-working / Lazy / In between

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

OTP: NA (Hard to describe, but I consider their Commander as Companion more canon than either of them as Commander at this point so idk man)

Acceptable Ships: I simply can't list the friend oc's. So for canon characters: Lariel/Woljif, Lariel/Lann, Lariel/Seelah, Lariel/Arue, Lariel/KC

Brotp: Lariel/Seelah, Lariel/Woljif, Lariel/Lann, Lariel/Arue, Lariel/Aivu, Lariel/Ember, Lariel/KC

____________

B A S I C S

Full name: Zrise Aldonlel

Gender: Cis man

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: He/Him

O T H E R

Family: Twin Sister: Lariel Aldonlel, Mother: Ordielau Ellvesem, Half Brother: Valondriel Ellvesem, Step Father: Thohan Ellvesem, Grandfather: Ianthos Aldonlel. Family they don't know. Father: Banom, Half Sister: Nelka, Half Brother: Korek, Step Mother: Desha, Half Sister: Elowen

Birthplace: Nerosyan; Mendev

Job: Inquisitor of Calistria

Phobias: Deep water, confined spaces, the afterlife

Guilty Pleasures: Drinking alcohol alone, people watching, returning to old books, procrastinating

Hobbies: Working out/Training, gardening (He works too much for real hobbies...) Worshipping his Goddess

M O R A L S

Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Sins: Wrath, Envy, Lust

Virtues: Diligence

T H I S  O R  T H A T

Introvert / Extrovert / In between

Organized / Disorganized / In between

Close-minded / Open-minded 

Calm / Anxious / Restless 

Disagreeable / Agreeable / In between 

Cautious / Reckless / In between 

Patient / Impatient / In between 

Outspoken / Reserved / In between 

Leader / Follower / Flexible 

Empathetic / Un-empathetic / In between 

Optimist / Pessimist / Realist 

Traditional / Modern / In between 

Hard-working / Lazy / In between

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

OTP: NA (Hard to describe but I consider their Commander as Companion more canon than either of them as Commander at this point so idk man)

Acceptable Ships: I simply can't list the friend oc's. So for canon characters: Zrise/Camellia, Zrise/Daeran, Zrise/Wenduag, Zrise/KC (mostly as a joke but Zrise/Ramien)

Brotp: Zrise/Greybor, Zrise/Nenio, Zrise/KC

[bellysoupset]

SOUP!!!!!!!

HI HI HI HI I CANT EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOURE BACK!!! oh my goodness i was literally typing this when i saw that you asked where i’ve been💀 i’ve been reading fics as you post them (i don’t have notifs on but i check your blog for updates on a regular basis LMAO) but life shtuff has only now died down enough for me to actually write/comment on things!! gosh i’m so excited you’re back!! in the LEAST pressure-y way, it’s almost embarrassing how slowly days went by as i was waiting for you to start posting again LOL like at one point i was telling myself “okay she said 20 days, it’s probably been at least a week”. it had been literally 3 days 💀 HAHAHAHWH

ANYWAYS

AHHHHHH MY BABIES MY BABIES!!!!! i don’t remember what the last thing i talked about on here was but WOW these last fics have made me cry and laugh and blush sooo many different times!! wen finding out was CRAZY and i literally sobbed w her bc the way everything played out was so unfortunate but also so realistic and raw and i had so many mixed feelings about everything!!!! and then wen isolating and bella checking on her!! and wen trying to push her away and then admitting that she felt so lonely GOD THAT WAS DEVASTATING but then bella being so supportive and comforting AGHHHH my girlsss <3333

and then omg the fic after that one??? i was SO surprised that wen forgave vin? and that they’re trying long distance??? i’m so fucking excited and happy abt that but god i’m sure it’ll be hard 😭 but YAY I KNEW THEY LOVED EACH OTHER TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP LIKE THAT ♥️

side note, luke being so depressed and struggling so much to adapt to his meds is so sad but so realistic too :,) i’m glad you’re making this a part of the plot!! but my man is def off his meds already lol im interested to see where this goes!! and also i LOVE how well jon and leo are doing <3 despite everything going on, they’re in their happy era fr <3

and now i’m sorry but the sick vin fic?????????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEEDED AND MORE‼️ first off, leo talking to him and being so real but also like calling him out like that??? while still being super supportive??? and the way he described wen was so accurate and so him-coded??? and then AHHHHH i’ve ALWAYS loved vin and bell’s friendship, i’ve genuinely always thought it was super adorable and i wanted more of them, so this fic was gold 🤭 a trope that ALWAYS gets me is when someone is ANGRY at someone they love and ofc being bitchy and sassy until they realise said someone is very much Unwell (it’s especially good if they’re so sick that they’re really out of it), and when they realise how sick they are they IMMEDIATELY switch from mad to concerned + caretaker mode!!!! so yeah you can imagine this whole fic had me on my knees 🤭 obsessed w how protective of luke bell is, and how protective of vin wen is, but also how both girls just jumped straight into action when he was clearly not feeling good <333 and then vin realising wen was using her dr. voice, and then the pure ANGST at the end when he sobs and they just hug and the “god i’m gonna fucking miss you” SOB SOB SOB SOB 😭😭😭🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

bell sick and luke taking care of her was also AMAZINGGGG🫶🏽 i always love when my girls get whumped <3333 omg and AHHHH luke and vin finally talking abt shtuff🥹 the “nothing to forgive” 😭 luke knowing he’ll get sick AND holding him closer??? GOSH THE BROTP MAN !!!!!

and oh my goodness i just read the most recent fic with the new OC!!!! this is so exciting and cool and i love his vibes ahhhh <3 i love how nonchalant max seems abt shtuff and im so so excited to see where things go!! i hope vin and him become friends but also i feel like there’s gonna be some tension and weird banter going on between them at least at first hehehe

ANYWAYS

your writing is fucking incredible and whenever i see a new post from your blog it genuinely lights up my day <3 i am completely in love with all your characters and the depth and intricacies behind each of them ♥️ i’m so thankful your blog exists🫶🏽 also, i saw you were really struggling for a while and i just wanted to check in and see if you were doing better? you’re so loved and talented and appreciated and you deserve all the peace and love and happiness in the world!!! i hope things are going well/better!

i can’t wait to read more of what you write! i’m super excited about this new character and about reading more stories abt your lovely OCs <3

YOU’RE AMAZING THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND KEEP SLAYING!!!

🦦

Soup found DEAD from love cardiac arrest outside of Miami beach.

🦦!!!!! Honestly I don't even wanna post your comments, I just wanna stare at them for hours 🙈🙈

Don't worry about catching up on fics, they'll be here when life slows down!! I know very well how sad it is that we must Adult ™.

I am SO HAPPY you liked the Wendy/Vince developments!! In my head you're like THE Wendy/Vin supporter, so every time I write something with them I'm like "uhmmm wonder what 🦦 is gonna think??"

Caretaker who's pissed and then switches to comfort is also one of my favorite tropes, I looooove the spiciness of guilt thrown in!

Take care babe 💛💛

[satocidal]

Hey Hey Rome! Since I'm here to cheer you up, let me ask some questions! Hopefully, this helps just a little :D

1.) What was the 1st fanfic you've ever read? And what was it about?

2.) Would you rather be hopeless romantic or hopeful unromantic? And why?

3.) Antique or brand new? And why?

4.) What's the dad joke of the day? :)

5.) What's your usual order of a Starbucks drink? And would you recommend it for others to try?

6.) Any song recommendations?

7.) What has been the best highlight of your day/evening/night?

8.) What's something you cherish the most in friendships? And why?

9.) What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to you, but you laugh about it now thinking of it?

10.) Apart from Tumblr, what's something you enjoy doing in your spare time?

[Ooo kinda outdid myself lol sorry about that 😅]

Skshskaja it took me a while to answer lmao

Answer undercut<3

So….the first fanfic I ever read was something about Harry Potter I guess😭😭😭like not even Harry guys. It was his dad’s—like James Potter with an oc or reader idk but like💀💀 peak da fiction years for me (when I was 11? And I remember being weirded out by reading them kiss lololol)

Did you mean hopeful romantic here? But like neither exactly? Wait if it could be, hopeless unromantic<3 because like I do get crushes but it’s not the deep kind and I know nothing will last about these things (my coping mechanism) but then I Di want something deep but then I can’t commit💀

Antique when things of use—brand new when things of daily use lmao

Is it bad that I don’t know any😭😭?

Sooo lmao. The place I live, it recently had a Starbucks open (the first one) and like it’s way too far from my house so I’ve technically never had Starbucks😭😭 but ike ig have a pink drink or smn💀

Ok ok cashew by Jude York (I’ve been listening to mostly Hindi songs these days so i can’t remember any goods English ones😭)

I went back to my school to get projects<3 doesn’t the first half of the day with my best friend after like 3 months so yes that ofc

Quality time. I think it’s very necessary. Like for someone such as me I need that attention and I love providing it so being ignored or like stuff makes me annoyed and over think (I suppose it’s clingy and I understand people need space) but yes. So mainly I just keep to myself lmao

I confessed to my crush AFTER I got over him and then an year later had to help him get with my bsf (who didn’t like him) stupid shit😭

I like maths💀a lot. Like if I have nothing to Do I will do it. Just like shamelessly everywhere—every surface

[ixiraider]

For the last few years, since JumpStart’s ownership, Neo has been so fucking difficult. The year-long lag episodes, the permanent closing of major site components that players loved (like Habitarium, Keyquest, Petpet Park, etc), the laying off of every damn artist on the site (and it has ALWAYS shown), the constant broken ass events or events just not happening at all, multiple instances of art theft, lying without remorse to players (people glossed over the “we can’t make UCs… actually we can but only for staff… OKAY we can for everyone but only if you pay microtransactions” thing sooo quick), etc etc. It’s been a nightmare & I have been stupid enough at points to try to defend it and stay optimistic. I stayed optimistic when I literally couldn‘t play for months because that one purple cloud event broke every webpage for me and caused it to lag so much it would crash my browser. I downloaded all the dumb shovelware apps and really gave them an earnest shot. Maybe Neopets Scrabble™️ will be fun! Lmao.

I’ve been a player since 2003. I still have my account from 2003. I still have pets that are nearly 20 years old. Some of my most beloved OCs, including ones who have been featured in work I’ve published locally and plan to put into upcoming novels and such, originated from Neopets. My parents faxed in the parental consent forms for me for my birthday when I was 11. I always bought shitloads of merch. When the Darkest Faerie came out I begged my parents to buy me a whole PlayStation 2 for Christmas JUST for that. I ate the Neopets CEREAL religiously until it was discontinued. I had Neopets merch I don’t even see people talk about, like Neopets school supplies lol. I have Neopets Zazzle shirts from middle school that I still wear as pajamas. I have spent an embarrassing amount on NC and I will even admit to resorting to black market illegal Neopet purchases in the past, not the scummy account hacking kind but the “hey, you have more NP than me and I want this item, I’ll give you some cash for it” kind LMAO. Hell, as annoyed as I am at TNT for flat out lying about UCs, I even said myself that I think that making UCs a microtransaction is a good idea and to be honest were it not for the NFT garbage I’d have most likely bought some. I also went on about how cute the Neopets Pride merch was! Even if just a rainbow capitalism cash grab, I thought it was really nice. I have IRL friends who bought some. I have always been “a consumer” when it comes to this site. I love it.

When Neopets first unrolled the HTML5 site redesign I even defended THAT. I thought it looked a little Fisher Price-y but I don’t think it’s awful. I like that it feels more immersive, I like that it’s pet-centric, I think it’s generally user friendly and cute. It’s not perfect, but it’s a respectable beta that makes the site feels dynamic in a way I can get behind. But my fucking God, as a whole this site has gone to shit and I don’t feel like it’s salvageable unless it was basically restarted from scratch. A hard reset with whole new upper management. There’s just no fixing this.

I keep saying it and keep saying it but I am just fucking shocked that a site entirely based on VIRTUAL PETS still cannot LOAD. THE. PETS. The pets themselves, except for on the main page and in their static “miniature” version on the side of the unconverted page layout, have not been converted from Flash. My own pet’s lookup looks like this:

But every week they’re able to release new microtransactions and lootboxes? Give me a break. This shit is insane.

We still can’t play the hundreds of games the site boasted (also the easiest way to achieve quick currency) beside like 5 poorly converted games that hardly work. We still can’t see any of the world maps (not even a placeholder unclickable image? Like 75% of the site maps weren‘t even flash to begin with?). The pages that have been converted do not work well and often freeze and glitch, which would be understandable as the site is supposedly still in beta form but I honestly do not have faith that these smaller kinks will be worked out and fear that these issues will just go unresolved. Hacking and security breaches are still a massive, constant issue.

And I’m still hung up on the fact that this is a virtual fantasy animal site with no competent artists. We joked about the Advent Calendar’s terrible quality last year but honestly, how was that acceptable.

Small things have (IMO) signified to me for a long time that the site was dwindling. Implication from staff behind the scenes that they are barely holding things together. The downgrade to only one new pet color per pet day. The lack of new plots or events. The death of flash felt like a nail in a coffin that has led to a much more rapid and pathetic death than before. I have gone from encouraging people to try Neopets, telling them that it’s not dead and it’s still around and fun, to straight up not recommending the site. I don’t even log in anymore. I tried to find things to do while waiting for the HTML5 conversion to be “finished,” or at least made less broken, but I could not respark that excitement, especially when half the pages I was going to were inaccessible without having to Google something convoluted and go through Jellyneo or something and the pages themselves would be half-converted and covered in tombstones. It’d be ironic if it wasn’t so sad.

I’ve been saying this for awhile but it’s very clear that Neopets does not care about its userbase. I used to think maybe they were just out of touch, but I have to believe at this point that JumpStart/NetDragon truly does not give a damn. TNT maybe — I do think this is largely an upper management issue. But it’s just not tolerable anymore. They will listen to some amount of pressure & frankly know how to placate people with short term friendly gestures, like lifting the LGBT ban or removing dated offensive terminology from certain pages. These are appreciated, but what do they mean on a larger level when the site is still lying to users, stealing from people, and refusing to listen to any substantial criticism that would require more effort to fix? What does it mean when JumpStart chooses to prioritize selling THOUSANDS of NFTs over converting THE PETS THEMSELVES on the actual damn site?

The NFTs are just too much for me at this point. I can’t continue to engage with this shit until/unless major changes are made. I still love Neopets for the nostalgia it gave me for like two fucking decades of my life. But I don’t really have any passion for the site anymore. I’ve moved over somewhat to PonyIsland, which is pay to play but so much better run, with a small but active player base and mod team, frequent events, just as much (if not more) customization but minus the microtransaction/lootbox nature and artificial scarcity, etc. And, y’know, I can actually see my pets. That’s a plus. Just goes to show that I will literally throw real money at websites if they can actually deliver a product that is worth it to me. Neopets has not done that for YEARS.

I really do encourage people to boycott the site. Cancel your Premium memberships. Stop buying Neocash. Get an Adblock app if you don’t use one already or (better yet) just log out for awhile. We all make fun of people who think that Neopets can die, y’all know perfectly well they’ll be fine while you’re inactive. Send in your complaints. I know that Neopets has always been Gambling For Babies but y’all can stop doing dailies for awhile in the name of Not Destroying The Environment with half assed pixels of cartoon animals bought with Monopoly money, right? Right?

[doctorgerth]

Ok fingers crossed that I make it in time 🤞 I would like to request your take on some headcanons for how Zoro would react to having a crush on Luffy's big sister (probably pretty obviously inspired by my OC but im tired and don't wanna write it myself right now but...I also still want to read it lmao) Thank you in advance, assuming I make it in 😂 and if not, no biggie, I'll try again next time 👀💕

What a cute idea, I hope I executed it well! Thanks for this request, Leyna!! 💖

HCs: Zoro Crushing on Luffy’s Big Sister

like all crushes Zoro happens to develop, rare as they may be, Zoro is going to deny it to his grave. no matter how obvious he is with it...

they’re just really good friends! she’s similar to Luffy in a lot ways, so it was only natural for Zoro to be attracted to her. of course he refuses to believe or really recognize it as romantic attraction, but you get the idea. they’ve hit it off really well.

and of course everyone else can pick up on his feelings before he even realizes that he’s crushing. outside of Luffy and his sister of course, which he is thankful for. 

it takes someone joking about it for him to actually come to terms that maybe he has some kinda sorta slight romantic feelings for her...when he finally “accepts” his feelings, he is truly a good friend and will try his hardest to suppress them because that is his captain’s sister! surely she is off limits? 

thankfully, Zoro is usually good at shoving such trivial feelings away quickly and wouldn’t dare tell Luffy how he felt. he enjoys the friendship they have and wouldn’t dream of ruining his relationship with either Luffy or his sister. so he avoids her like the plague. definitely comes off a bit asshole-ish, but it’s necessary. at least he thinks so.

but once he actually starts to miss being around her, thinking about her and what she’s doing without him, cursing himself for being so cruel towards her, wishing to hear her laughter, and be the source of her beautiful smiles again...he realizes these feelings won’t be going away any time soon. it’s infuriating having someone take over the spaces of your mind nearly 24/7, especially when it’s someone he’s convinced he can’t, or well shouldn’t, have. 🥺

of course he’s crushing on Luffy’s sister, it really starts to make sense to him the more he thinks about it...over and over again. he has an intense respect and adoration for his captain, so anyone who resembles him easily earns the same amount. it’s like it was inevitable for him to fall for her. which only makes him long for her more and he’s hella embarrassed and frustrated by it.

and late in the night when he’s stuck with his thoughts, he can’t help but wonder: “Does this mean I have a crush on Luffy??”

but he usually pushes that thought out as quickly as it enters lmao

when Zoro can’t take it anymore, he approaches his captain, and decides to be a man about it and tell him how he feels. he respects Luffy, so pining after his sister behind his back just feels so wrong. he’d understand if Luffy doesn’t approve, and he would easily obey orders to forget his feelings for her if Luffy ever asked. his loyalty is paramount.

“Oi, Luffy. So I’ve got something to tell you and I want you to hear me out. Don’t lose your shit on me, okay? I-I’ve been meaning to tell you that I...like your sister.”

“Well duh, everyone likes her!”

“No, I mean I...like like her.”

*cue infamous Luffy head tilt*

“As uh...more than nakamas?”

“Oh...OH! Shishishi” 

Zoro is instantly confused by Luffy’s laughter and he’s preparing to be made fun of by his captain. he probably deserved it, he sounded like a fool right now.

“Does this mean you’re my brother now?”

“Eh?!”

Luffy instantly turns into that middle school friend that wants to tell everyone who your crush is just to embarrass you

“Hey, everyone! Did you guys know that Zoro likes my sister? Oi, (Name), Zoro likes you!” 

“OI, SHUT UP YOU IDIOT! I’LL SLICE YOU UP, I SWEAR!”

thankfully, no one paid much attention to Luffy’s antics, so the pair were able to laugh it off and enjoy a vulnerable moment together. Zoro wasn’t one to just like anybody and even Luffy knew that. If Luffy could pick anyone for his sister, it would probably be Zoro anyhow. Luffy smiled and decided to keep that thought to himself.

“Just please don’t kiss her in front of me, okay?”

“Aye aye, captain.” 

getting his captain’s approval was both shocking and so relieving. Zoro was beyond happy to know that his friendship with Luffy wouldn’t be negatively affected by his feelings for the sister Luffy so dearly loved. and even if she didn’t reciprocate, he would always have Luffy in the end. this exchange gave him all the confidence he needed to approach her himself. he couldn’t let his captain down after spilling his heart to him, he’d win her over. surely. hopefully.

now time for a proper confession...

[angelicmark]

sweet loving (m)

pairing: college!mark x college!reader

genre: fluff, smut, angst, lovers!au

warnings: cursing, unprotected sex (wrap it up!), love making, dry humping, sexual themes, a whole lot of fluff please be warned lmao

wc: 8.1k

summary: being a total opposite from mark, you never imagined you would be able to last a whole year with him. until mark proves you wrong, and you both fall sweetly in love.

oct. 2; day 37

you look at mark, your eyes trailing all over him and his face. he was handsome, and you would sometimes wonder why he even asked you out just barely over a month ago. the relationship was still fresh, and the two of you were still getting to know each other. it was a nice feeling, and you actually quite enjoyed being around him. he was cute, the way he would laugh at almost anything and sometimes slap his knee when he did laugh. it was endearing, you found him endearing.

“you okay?” he asks when he catches you staring for too long, going to take a bite out of his muffin. the two of you were at his apartment, eating at the breakfast bar. it was a peaceful morning, and also the first time spending the night together as boyfriend and girlfriend, as an official couple. you were nervous at first, but as the night unveiled, you were more at ease with him.

“yeah, just thinking,” you softly smile at him, taking a bite out of your cereal. you were a bit on the quieter side while he was more outgoing and courageous. you wouldn’t call yourself a nerd, just dedicated and knowing what you wanted in life. not that mark wasn’t, he was just less uptight about his studying, not in the slightest worried when he got a couple failed grades here and there.

“what about?” he takes a sip of his drink, looking at you with big curious eyes. you were both complete opposites, now that you think about it. and you wondered if he even noticed that himself.

you adjust in your seat, looking at him with articulate eyes, “i don’t know,” you breathe, slightly feeling stressed, “i’m just not sure how this even works, to be honest. i’ve never exactly had a serious relationship, and we’re actually really different. have you noticed that?”

he swallows, his demeanor calm while you were still fidgeting in your seat, “well, yeah, i think it’s a bit hard to miss,” he chuckles, “but i don’t think we should worry about it too much. i like you, there’s something about you and your personality that makes me want to be better. i think that’s good, at least.”

you feel as if he knocked the wind right out of you, and it almost felt refreshing being around him. you nod your head, “and you make me feel good. like, better about myself and life in general. it’s less stressful with you around.”

he smiles, “see?” he can’t help from leaning in to give you a soft kiss, looking at you with bright optimistic eyes, “there we go.”

you smile back, unable to give in to his cute gestures, “thank you, for putting me at ease. it’s a bit hard to do that.”

he kisses you again, a lot slower and more reassuring, “always.”

oct. 31; day 66

“it’s halloween, baby!” mark cheers, looking at you as he stands there in his spider-man costume. you can’t help the laugh that escapes passed your lips, looking at the way he starts to imitate spider-man’s webs.

you stroll towards him, walking right to him and he can’t help the way his eyes travel all along your figure. you were only just a cat this year, but you were wearing a tightly fitted black dress and the cat ears were really adding to the outfit. you had high-rise boots reaching just above your knees, and he couldn’t stop himself from looking at your legs, seeing the way everything wrapped around you like a glove. you were so beautiful, he decided. really beautiful.

he swallows, “you look good, really good.” his eyes ate you up hungrily, and you caught the way his eyes darkened just a bit.

you avoid eyes for a few, before looking back at him with a shy look, “so do you, spidey.” you kiss him, and his hands were quick to grasp onto you. he couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself, not with you walking around like that.

“thanks,” he breathes out when you pull away, looking at your lips like he was about to chase after them again. you could feel your body heating up under his gaze, and you truly did like the feeling he gave you. two months does a lot to a relationship, you think to yourself.

you look at him, his hands still on your waist and holding you incredibly close to him, “you ready to go?”

he nods, taking your hand and finally pulling away. he was close to just saying fuck the party and staying home with you all night long. he so desperately wanted to, but he spent days just trying to convince you to even go with him. he couldn’t let all that begging go to waste. plus, a part of him wanted to let everyone know just who you belonged to. you were his, and his ego was inflated the whole entire night over that thought.

“this is jaehyun,” mark introduces, and he sees the jaehyun smiles at you with bright eyes, “and this is johnny.” the boys were staring at you with pretty smiles, jaehyun being a bit bolder in kissing the back of your hand. your eyes went wide, watching as mark hissed at jaehyun, “back off.”

jaehyun laughs, backing away from you, “i’m not interested, mark. she’s yours, i’m not a woman stealer.”

mark couldn’t help but feel insecure, in a way. jaehyun had killer dimples, and a cute smile. mark felt basic compared to him. but the moment he feels a small, soft hand on his shoulder, he could feel his body starting to loosen up again. mark wasn’t used to feeling jealous or possessive, so when he saw the way jaehyun kissed your hand, he wasn’t exactly sure what to do with these kinds of feelings. but, as his eyes travel to your own, he feels like the weight of the world had been lifted. you were such a calming soul, always so gentle when around him. it was charming, and mark liked that about you.

“sorry,” he sighed, looking at you wide apologetic eyes.

you shake your head, smiling at him, “if my friends were to ever flirt with you, i might have gone crazy. you’re a lot better than me,” you laugh.

he can’t help the smile that reaches his face, “good think i’d never leave you, then.” he places an arm around your shoulder.

you snuggle closer to him, the night turning for the better, “me neither.”

the rest of the night was just soft, loving kisses. the two of you exhausted by the time you made it back to mark’s apartment, cuddling so incredibly close to each other. you were starting to get more and more comfortable around mark, and a part of you was terrified. you were scared you would get too attached, and be left heartbroken. but, as the two of you doze off, holding each other as the two of you start to fall in love together, you felt like it would be worth it.

mark was so worth it.

nov. 29; day 95

thanksgiving holiday was good. you both went home to your parents, and your family was unable to stop talking about this marvelous mark you had. they wished to one day meet him, but you decided it was a bit early to introduce each other to your families. your three months together was spent over the phone, celebrating and sending air kisses with plenty of giggles and wishing the two of you were together. it was always nice talking to mark, but you missed him. you missed being around him in real life, and being able to hold him. a week was way too long without him.

“mark!” you bang on his apartment door, excited to finally see him after all this time. you had arrived home just a few hours later than him, and he waited patiently for you, well, as patiently as he could. he was just as anxious as you, although.

he swings the door open, catching sight of your bright eyes. you jump in his arms, unable to contain your excitement. you were so happy to finally be in his arms again. being around family is always nice, but you missed your boyfriend. you missed kissing him, holding him, being around him. as he lets you in and closes the door with his foot, you kiss him. and he melts into you, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. he missed this, he really missed this.

“missed you,” he lets out between kisses, his voice gravely.

you hum back, your arms reach up and you drag your fingers through his scalp, “missed you, too.”

the two of you are unable to stop kissing, to stop touching each other. it was amazing just how much the two of you could miss each other. he drags you to the couch, expecting you to sit beside him. but, to his surprise, you jump in his lap and continue kissing him like that. it felt so good having you so close, he could feel his heart tightening at the thought of you becoming more and more comfortable around him. it had only been three months together, and he could easily feel himself falling in love with you. it was hard to say you didn’t feel the same way, because you know you did. it was so hard not to love mark.

you pull back for air, and he’s already trailing his kisses down your neck. you can’t help the noises that escape you, your hands clawing through his hair. he loved the pressure your nails put on his scalp, and he couldn’t help from groaning and biting down onto your neck. you let out a small gasp, and he tugs you closer to his chest. the both of you were breathing heavily when he pulls back to look at you directly in the eyes. your body felt like it was burning, and you knew he could feel the heat because his hands trailed up your shirt on your hips. his hands were cold against your hot skin, and you were unsure if you could wait any longer for him to finally touch you.

“mark,” you say, making direct eye contact as you both watch one another’s every move, “do- do you want to...” you trail off, hoping he got the message. you felt embarrassed, avoiding his eyes for a minute before looking back at him again. he had a goofy nervous smile on his face.

“i would love to,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss you again. he was stealing the air right out of your lungs, you felt like you were drowning in an ocean of mark. and it was so intoxicating. everything about mark was intoxicating, so captivating you were afraid of losing yourself to him. but, as the two of you ended up tangled in his sheets by the end of the night, you think to yourself that maybe it would be worth it. he was such a sweet, kind soul. he thought of you and you only, your hands intertwined the whole entire time. it felt like you were dreaming, and he had to bring you back to reality with each kiss.

mark was starting to feel like home.

dec. 31; day 127

you were expecting mark to want to go out on new year’s, even offering to go with him if he wanted. but he ended up smiling and shaking his head no, claiming he would like to spend this moment alone with you, and you only. it made your heart flutter, and you began to wonder what went through that cute boy’s head sometimes.

“alright,” he passes you non-alcoholic champagne, and you let out a little chuckle as he plops down beside you on the couch.

“why non-alcoholic?” you laugh, and he pouts a bit before seeing your smile and perking right back up. your smile was too contagious to not smile back.

“it was all they had at the store,” he mumbles, “and i didn’t feel like driving across town for real champagne. truly wasn’t worth it,” he shakes his head.

you nod back, kissing his cheek, “thank you.”

he looks at you, his cheeks starting to heat up as he nods back, “of course, baby.”

you smile softly at the name, every time it fell from his lips, it sounded so cute. and you could never stop the smile that would form. he seemed to notice, because he leaned over and kissed you shortly. when he pulled back from the soft kiss, he stared at you before leaning back in, the kiss a lot slower and more passionate than the last. it always felt nice kissing mark, his lips always soft and tasting like coconut lip balm. it was endearing, to say the least. you could tell he puts a lot of effort into looking good and smelling good for you, but you wouldn’t care if he simply just wore sweats and had no lip balm on. he was still your mark, still the same goof you were falling so easily for. he will always be the mark you’re starting to love more and more along the way.

“3,” he hears this, pulling away from your lips to look at the screen, “2!” he looks at you smiling as he places his hand along your cheek and leaning back in, “1!” he closes his eyes, “happy new years!” kiss. kiss after kiss after kiss as you hear fireworks going off in the background. but you can’t find it in yourself to care as mark pulls you into his lap. this was comfortable, such easy access to kiss him just the way you want.

he pulls back, looking at you with big bright wide eyes, and you swear you could see the stars in his eyes. he looked like he was thinking so deeply, and you were wondering just what it was. he was such a curious boy, but you knew he was ambitious, never ending when it comes to getting what he wanted. it’s why he kept chasing after you all that time. and you were so glad you finally agreed to date him. mark was such a gift, being nothing but the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. this was the first serious relationship you had been in, and he was the perfect fit for you. he had to be.

“i love you, y/n,” he says, his eyes glossy.

you freeze in your spot, looking at him for what felt like years. he could feel his heart beating right out of his chest. maybe it’s too soon? did he just fuck up? he was overthinking, he couldn’t help it. did you not love him back? did you-

you smile, “i love you, too, mark.”

he breathes out a sigh of relief, and you laugh a bit, “holy fuck,” he says, “i got so nervous right there.”

you laugh again, “sorry, i just love messing with you. your scared face is too cute,” you kiss his cheek.

he steals a real kiss after that, repeating those same three words over and over again the whole entire night. this was heaven, this was what being happy truly was, you were his first love. and he was yours. this was love, in so many different ways.

you were his home. and he was yours.

jan. 26; day 153

“happy five months!” mark busts through your bedroom door, and you roll over on your bed to see him holding up balloons and some flowers and chocolates. you snort at him, seeing the way he’s all dressed up and smiling so dorkishly.

“it’s 9am, mark,” you laugh, sitting up and yawning. he places the things down, walking towards you and climbing in front of you. he goes for a kiss, but you lean away and shove your hand in his face, “i have morning breath.”

he pouts, pushing your hand away, “i don’t care. i want to kiss you.”

you roll your eyes, giving him a peck before jumping out of bed and seeing the way he pouts like a child, “y/nnn..”

you laugh, “i’ll be five minutes, mark. just let me brush my teeth.”

when you come out of the bathroom, he’s laying all across your bed. he looked really good, his black jeans and fitted black shirt looking impeccably good on him. he always looked good, but for some reason he looked extra good. he had his hat on backwards, and it was attractive to say the least. he catches you staring, smiling at you when he notices you standing there.

“hi, baby,” he sits up on the edge of the bed. you smile at him, boldly sitting right into his lap. his hands instinctively rest on your hips, “i love you.”

you smile, kissing him properly, “i love you, too, mark.” you kiss along his jaw, “so much.” your breath was hot against his skin, and you were so pretty, so good to him. “happy five months.” you lean back and see that he’s smiling again.

“i’m lucky to have you,” he says to you, his hands roaming all along your body. but his touches had no alternative intentions, and you couldn’t help from smiling along with him. he was such a good boyfriend.

“me too, mark,” you whisper back, looking him right in the eyes, “i didn’t imagine us making it this far, but i’m so happy we did. you’re so good to me, and i can’t thank you enough for loving me.”

he smiles, “thank you for loving me, y/n.” he kisses you, and you melt into him. you were so used to kissing mark, it felt like you were made just for kissing him, but each and every time still never failed to make you crumble. it was a blessing to be able to kiss mark, and to be able to call him your boyfriend. he felt the same exact way about you, pride constantly filling up each and every time someone saw that you were his, and his only. you will always be his, he’ll make sure of it.

mark was a dream boy, your dream boy. so perfect in every single way. “i love you so much, mark.” you whisper against his lips.

he looks you in the eye, “i love you so much, too, y/n.”

tears start to well in your eyes, and you can’t help but wonder if he’ll end up leaving you one day. mark could probably find someone a lot better than you in every way imaginable, you can’t help but wonder why he constantly chooses you over everyone else. but you’re not complaining. not in the slightest. as long as you had mark, you didn’t have time to worry about those things. you were lucky enough to love him in the first place, and you knew this.

you run your fingers through his soft hair, and he leans his head into your soft touch, “i may not be able to give you everything you need all the time,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, “but i will remind you every day of my life that i love you.”

he looks at you with a soft smile stretched on his perfectly shaped lips, “me too, baby. always.”

you lean to kiss him again, “always.”

feb. 14; day 172 

“mark, it’s jaehyun’s birthday,” you pout. mark was being stubborn, he didn’t want to go out for his birthday, wanting to stay with you and spend valentine’s day with you only. he was afraid jaehyun would get too friendly with you again, insecurity starting to bubble up again. “we have to at least go and wish him happy birthday.”

“he doesn’t deserve one after last time i saw him,” he mumbles, avoiding eye contact with you. you heard him despite him looking away from you, it was hard to miss the jealousy dripping from his voice.

“mark,” you sit down next to him on the couch, looking him in the eyes. you brush some of his hair out of his face as he stares at you, “there isn’t anyone on this earth that could steal me away from you.”

he sighs, “i know,” he pauses, looking away, “i guess i’m just..” he takes a breath as he stops again. he looked as if he was struggling getting the words out. “i just don’t want to lose you, or feel like i could. i’m not used to feeling like this.” he shifts in his seat and avoids eye contact. he couldn’t bring himself to look you in the eye.

you smile to yourself, making him face you again, “me neither, mark. but you have to trust me when i say i love you, and only you.”

his eyes were getting glossy the longer he stared, “i trust you.”

“and i trust you, mark. there’s no taking me away.”

he felt as if a whole weight had been lifted. he knew he couldn’t help the jealousy that would bubble up, but you were his. and he needed to realize that no one would ever take you away from him. he wasn’t sure why he was so possessive in the first place, but you always seemed to reassure no matter what. and he was grateful for you. he was especially grateful that you weren’t creeped out by it, or thought he was being weird and over reacting. he was lucky, and he didn’t want anyone else to have you this way.

“thank you,” he breathes out, leaning over and giving you a kiss. you kiss back, and you could feel everything falling in to place all over again. life seemed to be a lot easier with mark around. it was as if time was flying, but in the best way possible. it was always like that with mark, and you know that will never change.

“let’s get going then,” you say, smiling as you pull away and stand up. you offer a hand to him, and he takes it as he gets up. “you can stick by me like glue if you want.”

he laughs at that, “i just might.”

the whole night was congratulating jaehyun on another year, and mark constantly having an arm around you. it was comforting, and you could tell mark was more at ease now. you were happy he was feeling better. every now and then he would give you a quick peck, smiling down at you. he looked pretty under all the lights. he even looked pretty in the dark with just the moonlight shining on him. mark was so incredible. and as the night came to an end, you were holding onto each other tightly.

he whispered into your ear just how much he loved you, and you would say it back as the two of you doze off to sleep. there was no describing the feeling he gave you.

mar. 22; day 209

the air was thick, you felt like you were suffocating. mark’s hips were working so deliciously, shoving his cock inside you and out over and over again. he was always so good with his hips, you felt like you were going to pass out. you were a moaning, writhing mess. and he, personally, loved it. you were so easy please around him, and he loved the noises you made each time the head of his cock teased right against your sweet spot. you were so beautiful.

“so good,” he mumbles, his hands intertwining with yours. he held your hands above your head, your fingers locking together. mark was a love maker, he showed you just how much he cared each and every time. it was pure, sweet bliss being with him. “so tight, baby.”

you whined in his hold, your back arching as you looked right into his dark colored eyes. he was so beautiful up close. you were amazed how you even got him. “you’re so good, mark,” you gasp, “so fucking good.”

he chuckles, leaning down to press his lips to yours, “all for you.” he emphasizes his words by thrusting deeper and faster. he reaches a hand down to start rubbing at your clit, feeling the way your walls would start to flutter around his throbbing dick. it felt so good. his other hand stayed connected with yours, and you were grateful for it. your other hand, however, was clawing all along his back. you were holding on for dear life, wanting so desperately to cum for him.

“fuck, mark,” you choke out, feeling as you start to come undone around him, “oh god, so good. so, so good.” your whines edged him on, and soon enough you were cumming around him sweetly, his name being repeated over and over again until all you could remember was mark, mark, mark. it was always mark. never not him.

“such a good girl,” you hear his whisper as he cums right after you, filling you up so well. you rarely let him cum inside, so this was a treat for him. your were slick as he came, feeling his body shudder against yours as you whine for him all through it. “i love you.” he kisses you softly.

you return the kiss, in a trance, “i love you so much.”

he smiles at you, admiring the way you look. you were always such a sight to see. he loved you so much, he was afraid of losing you.

april 17; day 235

you were going to cry. you were convinced you were going to cry. you never cried, or rather showed much emotion, but this very moment, all you could think about was breaking down. nothing was right. nothing was ever right. why did you even do this? why did you even agree to be with mark? what was happening to the two of you?

it was your first fight. your first real fight. and you could feel your world crashing in on you. it was terrifying, and you were scared shitless. you had never experienced this kind of fear. never once in your life had to deal with this kind of stress. mark was your first real relationship, so you weren’t exactly sure what to do. for the first time ever, you were clueless. you wished they had some kind of book written for this. but maybe you shouldn’t wish that, because that’s why you were both fighting in the first place.

“i barely see you anymore,” he sighed, roughly running his fingers through his hair, “it’s like all you can think about is those damn books. and i know you care a lot about studying, but i need you to be my girlfriend sometimes, too.” his eyes were sparkling under the light, and it wasn’t the way he used to look at you. his eyes were filled with tears this time, looking at you with despair and anger.

but, your blood boiled against your own will, “you think i chose this?” you ask, eyes narrowing at him, “you know how important all of this is to me. i need to pass my exams. i need this in order to live a nice easy life. i’m sorry i’m not worried about the next party available.” you scoffed.

he was hurt. his heart was pounding against his chest as he saw another side of you that he had yet to see. it was painful, and he wished to never see it again. he sighed as the two of you sat in an awkward, tense silence. it was eating the two of you alive. but it took forever before either one of you spoke up.

“do you love me?”

the words hit you hard. you felt as if you just got cold water dumped on you. was he really doubting your love for him? was this what the two of you were coming down to? you let out a huff of breath, obviously hurt. but his eyes were serious, and he glanced at the clock beside you, before looking back at you. it was late, you knew this. but you couldn’t let it end like this, you couldn’t have him walk away thinking you don’t love him.

“mark,” you step forward, “there isn’t a day where i don’t.”

he looks away from you, tears now falling freely from his big bright eyes. he was hurting, and you were the cause of it. you felt so terrible. you felt like hell, only wanting to make it up to him at this point. but he was doubting your love for him. how could you two ever go back after that?

“it’s so hard to tell sometimes,” he looks up at you again. his eyes were puffy already, his lips quivering and his nose turning red, “some days, i’m surprised when you say you love me back. other days i’m wondering if you’re lying to me. it’s hard not knowing what you’re thinking.”

mark was always someone who needed that kind of reassurance, and you knew this. you just always forgot to give it to him every single day, the way he deserved. is this what he was really thinking all this time? did mark really have this kind of perspective on you?

“mark, i love you.” you start, reaching a hand out to make him look at you, “i may not be able to express it the way i should most of the time, but that doesn’t mean i don’t love you. because i do. i really do, mark. there isn’t anyone in this world that could make me feel the way you do, and i will stand by that for the rest of my life.” you lean into him as he grasps at your waist, “you were made just for me, i’m sure of it, mark. i love you, a whole lot more than you could ever imagine.”

he was breaking, and you were picking up the pieces one by one. he kisses you, and you could taste the salty tears that were earlier running down his face, but you really couldn’t find it in yourself to care. not when the love of your life was doubting your love for him. the kiss was so slow, soft, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. it was passionate, no hidden meanings and no rising intentions coming by. it was just you, and mark. no one else.

“i’ll remind you forever, mark,” you whisper against his lips, “i love you, forever.”

may 14; day 262

three days. it’s been three whole days since mark last texted you. and, honestly, you were starting to get tired. you’ve been trying to reach out to him, but nothing seemed to work. today, though, you finally decided to drive your ass over there and see why the hell he was ignoring you in the first place. could he still be stuck on your last fight? was that why he was ignoring you? you were starting to get drained from everything, not realizing how hard it really was holding together a relationship.

you don’t even bother knocking on the door, helping yourself in with the key he gave you a couple months ago. the minute you walk in, you could feel the air was cold. how the hell could he live in such a cold temperature? you were starting to doubt he was even here by how cold and lonely it felt. it was quiet, no sign of life from the looks of it. but you make your way towards his door anyway. you see it slightly open, and you push it softly to expose the area.

there he was. sitting on his bed, facing away from the door and looking out of the window. but you doubted he found the tree in front of him interesting. you stepped inside the room, careful not to disturb him. you needed to know why he was ignoring you, though. so you timidly sat by him. he could feel your presence the minute you opened the door, but refused to move or say anything. you both sat in silence. the sound of breathing starting to become louder and louder in your ears. you felt as if you were being tortured with his silence.

“mark,” you say softly, your voice cracking in the loud silence. he sat still, not even exchanging you a look. his jaw was tightened, and you could see the way his fingers were tightly grasping each other. it was a painful, deafening silence that was being released into the air.

he sighed, closing his eyes as yours stayed glued in on him. he finally says something, your heart suffocating at the sight of his soft stubble he had yet to shave, “i’m sorry for ghosting you.” it was a quiet apology.

you look away from him, looking at the tree, “it’s fine.”

he opened his eyes finally to look at you for the first time that night. for the first time in three days. and you were still as beautiful as ever. you had a glow on your face as the moonlight struck you in all kinds of different ways. it was stunning, you were always stunning. he could feel tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, you would always be too good for him. he always believed that. even when he didn’t know how to treat you half the time, you were still there to pick him right back up. even when he decided to run away from his emotions rather than sort them out, you would always come right to him. even when ignored you for three whole days, you would still come and check in on him, no questions truly asked. a pain struck him right through the heart the longer he looked at you.

“why do you always come back?” he huffs, and this makes you whip your head in his direction. “i mean.. i can’t be good for you. you will always be more-”

“i’m not more of anything, mark.” you say to him, your voice leveled, while his was shaking. “my heart hasn’t changed. not for you. you’re my boyfriend, someone i love like no one else. there hasn’t been anyone like you. i don’t want you doubting yourself just because i’m a bit more stern than you. you’re allowed to be messy, mark. i love you. stop thinking you aren’t good enough for me. you’re more than that.”

he cried. the whole entire night, he was curled in your arms as you held him while he cried and sobbed into your soft shirt. you could feel his tears trailing along your arm, but you could care less. the hold he had on you was tight, and it was starting to feel like he was afraid you were going to poof right out of his grip. your fingers stayed in his hair, tangled around the soft strands as you soothed him. eventually, you dragged the both of you under the covers of the bed and he was soon lulled to sleep, his arms grasping tightly around your waist while yours were still coaxing him in a soft, loving hug. mark had a lot of doubts, a lot of stress on his shoulders. and he was afraid of showing it, but he felt like he could around you. and it was such a blessing having you by his side.

“i love you, mark,” you kiss the top of his forehead as his puffy eyes shut and his swollen lips started to pout in a deep sleep. “you’re worth so much to me.”

and you really did mean it.

june 23; day 302

“mark!” you squeal as he tickles along your sides. you were starting to lose your breath, but he just couldn’t help himself. your laugh was so luxurious in his eyes, and your smile was so pretty. “stop! oh my g- god!” you laugh out loud, trying to break free from his arms.

he finally pulls back, grinning at you wildly, “you’re so cute, y/n.” he kisses you, his mood changing significantly. you wanted to be mad at him, but with the way his lips were tightly pressed against yours, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be completely angry. when he pulled away, he had a look of love written on his features. it was endearing, and you couldn’t help the smile that tugged at your lips. he was so pretty up close.

“where do you think we’ll be in ten years?” he says, easily flopping on top of you. you let out a huff because his strong weight, but nonetheless started to run your fingers through his hair as he looked up at you like a cat in love.

you chuckle, “together.” you say simply, and heat seemed to have rose onto his cheeks because he looked away briefly before making eye contact again. his cheeks were painted pink.

“you think so?” he asks, leaning into the touch of your hand.

“yeah,” you breathe, “i really do. do you?”

he nods his head, “always.”

you smile at him, and he could feel the winds knocking him right out the longer he looked at you. you always seemed to have a hold on him that he wasn’t even aware of. he felt like he could be with you forever. he knew he could. anywhere you went, he would follow. no doubt about it.

“it’s hot outside,” you look out the window in his bedroom, seeing the way the sun was blazing in the room. he had his ac as low as it could go, but nothing seemed to be enough.

he nodded in agreement, getting up off of you to let you breathe, “yeah, wanna get ice cream?” his eyes lit up as he mentioned ice cream, and you laughed as you quickly nodded your head, getting up off the bed to join him in getting up.

“lead the way, my prince,” you your arms out in front of you, bowing at him and he couldn’t help the laugh that slipped past his lips. you smiled up at him as you straightened.

he ruffles your hair, “will do, my princess.”

he catches the way you got shy at the nickname.

july 18; day 327

“can you believe it’s been almost a year since we got together?” mark asks, watching as you eat your food in front of him. you cooked each other dinner tonight, him helping in the minor things as you took over. you loved the boy, but he really didn’t know how to cook.

you swallow, “i know, it feels like time really passed by too quickly,” you pout, taking a sip of your drink.

“it’s been the best year ever,” he says moreso to himself, but you hear it anyway and you can’t stop the smile that raises along your cheeks. he notices and he smiles right back, his nose scrunching up.

“for a boy who hates cheesy things, you sure are cheesy,” you lean your head on your hand, looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

he chuckles at your expression while taking a bite of his food, “yeah, that was until you came into my life. everything just turned cheesy.”

you roll your eyes, yet you were still smiling, “dork.”

he shrugs his shoulder, “and you’re the one dating the dork.”

you narrow your eyes, before smirking and getting up from your seat, coming towards his. he sips on his water, curious on what you were doing. you were quick to sit on his lap, making him almost choke on the liquid in his throat. he looked nervous, but his hands were quick to grab onto your hips. he was surprised, but it was still pleasantly. you rolled your hips into his, watching as his eyes flutter shut and you feel his fingernails starting to dig into your flesh. you were wearing shorts and a tanktop, perfect easy access for everything.

“fuck,” he huffs out, his head resting against your shoulder. your hips were relentless, and he was getting harder and harder with every movement. you could feel his dick through his sweatpants, and it was rubbing deliciously against your clit. his hands roamed your body as he started to suck on your neck messily. you were so wet, and you knew you had to be soaking through your shorts at this point.

“you’re so hard, mark,” you let out, craining your neck for him to have more access.

“and you’re so wet,” he groans, feeling as your hips swiveled in circles before picking up pace. it felt so damn good. “you wanna cum in your pants, baby?”

“do you?” you retort, grinding heavily against him. the air was thick, and you felt like you could burst at any second now. he laughs against your neck, before gripping your hips and helping you guide along his dick easily through your clothes. it felt so good, and you were so close. he could tell with the way your fingers were starting to dig into his shoulders and your moans were getting more and more loud. you were unintentionally vocal, but it always seemed to please him either way.

“such a dirty girl,” he whispers, one of his hands traveling up your back and along your spine through your shirt. you arch into him and he groans. “so close,” he mumbles, licking along your neck.

“fuck, mark,” you moan, “me too, so close. gonna cum in my cute little shorts for you.”

his eyes went wide, not used to the way you were talking so dirty. it wasn’t like you, but he wasn’t complaining. not in the slightest. he moans with you, “come on, baby. cum in those cute little shorts of yours like you said. make yourself cum without my dick even being in you. such a naughty girl,” he hums in your ear.

“oh fuck!” you fall foward onto him, your hips faltering in pace as you cum. it was such a euphoric feeling when it came to mark, so much better than when you did it alone. you were chanting his name, and soon enough he was cumming with you. he stains his sweatpants and boxers, some leaking through and onto your shorts. you could feel his dick twitching below you as you both settled down, your breathing heavy.

“so good,” he rubs your back, watching as your body slumps into his. “let’s go get cleaned, baby. we’ll wash the dishes later.” he kisses your temple as you softly nod your head. “perfect.”

august 2; day 342

“happy birthday, mark!” you scream as you rush towards his room. you had been saying happy birthday to him every single hour, texting him while you were out getting cake and his favorite foods. he said he preferred staying in with you for the day, and you only pouted and agreed to his wishes. whatever he wanted today, he would get. a lot of people seemed to wish him happy birthday, and he only thanked them with a small smiley face.

he smiled at you, happy to finally see you, “baby! thank you,” he laughs, “but you’ve been telling me all day long.” he kisses you sweetly, and you can’t help the smile that stretches along your face.

“you only deserve the best,” you pull his face into yours again, and he sighs sweetly against your lips. he tasted like mint, while you tastes like watermelon. you wore his favorite chapstick.

“i love you,” he whispers against your lips, arms greedily wrapping around you.

“i love you more,” you mumble back. before it gets too far, you push him back and show him the cake you bought. ��look! i got you a spiderman cake!”

he laughs out loud, “from halloween?”

“yeah,” you smile back, “i think halloween was around the time when i really started to fall for you, so i bought you a spiderman cake for your birthday to kind of relive that moment.”

he smiles at you before quickly picking you up and twirling you around a couple of times. he laughs at the squeaks you let out, demanding he put you down. “i love you so fucking much,” he says as he places you down, “i don’t know how i ever got this lucky.”

your cheeks feel hot as you look up at him, “i love you, too, mark.” you kiss his cheek, and he smiles at the tender action. “now, let’s eat your cake, birthday boy.”

the rest of the day was filled with laughter, talks of the future, and slow, loving sex as he discovered the sweet dark lace beneath your clothes. everything felt like heaven with him, and you were so in love with this boy. no one compares to him, you decided.

“happy birthday, mark,” you moan in his ear as his hips work fluidly with yours. you say atop him, riding him sweetly, “i love you.”

he kisses you messily, his dick trapped between your heat and his head swimming in thoughts of you, and you alone, “i love you, too, baby.” he groans, his fingers digging into your back as he trails them down and leaves scratching marks, “so much.”

this was heaven, and you weren’t planning on leaving anytime soon.

august 26; day 366

one year.

a whole entire year of loving mark lee.

and, in all honesty, you were overwhelmed. how could you have spent that much time with someone, every single day for a year? it was insane in your eyes, but you truly couldn’t see yourself with anyone else. you wouldn’t want to have it any other way. not when mark was, quite literally, your dream boy. loving him for a whole year feels surreal, and you really weren’t complaining.

“happy one year,” you breathe, leaning in for a kiss. you both stood on the balcony of his apartment, the warm summer night air flowing through your hair. it just turned midnight, and you can’t help the smile that spread across your face as you watched it turn midnight.

“happy one year, baby,” he bites his bottom lip, “this is crazy.”

you laugh, “it is, but i wouldn’t want it any other way,” you lean into his grip, “we’ve had our moments, but i truly think it has made us a whole lot stronger as a couple.” you look deeply into his eyes, “i love you, mark lee. there will never be a day where i don’t, and there will never be a day where i stop thinking of you. you will forever be the boy i love, the boy i truly fell in love with. i can never thank you enough for showing me the love i thought i’d never get, or even be able to reciprocate. i hope i make you as happy as you make me, mark.”

tears form in his eyes as he pouts, “you do, y/n. i want no one else but you, and i will keep saying that for the rest of my life. i love you, so damn much it hurts. i can’t imagine my life without you, y/n. i have never loved someone as much as i have loved you, and i can truly say that,” he kisses you softly, “you are forever mine, and i am forever yours.”

you smile against his lips, running your fingers through his hair. this, this was love. this was what being loved, and being in love felt like. the pain, the heartbreak, the aching. all of it was worth it, as long as it was with mark. everything was worth it, as long as it was with mark lee. and no matter where life took the both of you, you swore you would always love him. through thick and thin, you would love him.

“move in with me,” he hushes, breaking apart from your lips briefly.

you smile and only nod your head, “i basically live here, anyway.” he was expecting a bigger, more dramatic reaction, but he could only laugh and sweetly kiss you again. he was living in a world that smelled like watermelon and roses around you, and he loved it.

“i love you forever.”

“and ever,” you whisper back.

now that i know the soft magic of your laugh and how your body moves like art, why would i ever go back? what was before you?

a/n: I’m aware this includes leap year, please don’t judge haha i based it off of 2020

[thatfeanorian]

I was tagged to do this writer game by @arofili! thank you!!

how many works do you have on AO3?

33 (counting my two unrevealed TSRBs)!

what’s your total AO3 word count?

177758 (wow somehow thats only a third of what I’ve written)

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I’ve written for.... literally one fandom published and 5 unpublished. We’ll stick with published since I don’t want to expose myself lmao: Just Silmarillion because I’m a high key nerd. That and the whole fandom and work facinates me to the extreme because it is so open ended and nearly any interpritation of the text can be canon!

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All The Ways To Love - 198 (a longfic about Maedhros and Fingon in an arranged marriage finding exactly what they need in each other, side appearances by baby feanorians)

Make You Mine (the way you should be) - 99 (a short Kidnap Family fic featuring prophetic dreams E&E who have known Maedhros and Maglor would always be coming for them and loved them for it)

Fëanor Finds Out Sort Of But Not Really - 78 (another Russingon fic about Maedhros and Fingon’s secret relationship being found out at the consequences that go along with that)

From The Ashes, Rising - 69 (a 13k four chapter fic-- medium length?-- about Maedhros and Fingon growing up and falling in love, a Modern AU.)

the difference between you and I - 69 (a kidnap dads fic about E&E’s first night with Maedhros and Maglor and how they began to understand that their first impressions might not have been right.)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Always. Comments are one of the best things I, as an author, can receive and I adore each and every person who takes time to put their thoughts and appreciation into words. Thank you so much to all of you who have done that for me!!

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hooooo boy that’s a hard one. So many of mine have angsty endings on purpose because pain is always fun. Still if I had to pick one, I would choose Learn Your Place, another fic in my Modern AU “To Build the Bonds That Tie,” featuring middle school age Maedhros questioning his sexuality and being told that he doesn’t belong.

do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Very rarely, and I almost never publish them. The only one I have published as of right now is very old and embarrassing so I won’t link it but it was about Finrod, Turgon, and a self-insert OC being tossed into The Hobbit to try to retrieve the silmaril-arkenstone.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes I actually got my first bit very recently and I laughed so hard I almost threw up. I just don’t understand why people keep reading my fics if they know from the first few sentences they don’t like them. I’ve read my fair share of fics that weren’t my style and somehow I’ve never left a single piece of hate on any of them.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Absolutely. I write everything from very kinky sex to soft aftercare and all the variations in between. The one thing I absolutely refuse to do is non-con although I am okay with sex used as a method of torture. I love love love writing LGBTQ+ themes and do my best to incorporate as much diversity as I can into all my pieces NSFW and otherwise just because they’re not realistic if I don’t.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

have you ever had a fic translated?

 I’ve gotten one request but the person who asked dropped it and never got back to me :(

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! A few of my fics are based off of an old RP server I was in with a couple friends and so as such the ideas are theirs as well as mine and I at least consider the fics co-written.

what’s your all time favorite ship?

.....if you can’t guess.... go take a look at my AO3 (I’ll give you a hint 90% of my fics contain this ship)

(it’s russingon)

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

My (first) Modern AU. I have it two thirds finished and only a third published but the entire idea is so enormous that I don’t think I will possibly be able to finish it. I adore my baby and I’ll do my best but I think I made the right decision splitting it into seperate fics so that we all can enjoy the parts I do get out instead of waiting ages for things to go in chronological order.

what are your writing strengths?

I adore writing emotion and description! I feel most comfortable writing long winding explanations of the scenery and people that put you (as people have told me) right in the scene.

what are your writing weaknesses?

oh my god smooth dialogue. I struggle so much it’s painful. That’s the part of any fic that takes me the longest because I sit there saying each part out loud to myself like it’s a play and trying to decide if it’s at all reasonable.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Yes! Absolutely. I love including in-verse languages in my writing in both names, pet names, and even small sentances, but it really really bothers me when people will go on a winding speech or a chunk of dialogue in another language and then have to translate the whole thing at the bottom. Another huge pet peeve of mine is when people use words in other languages and then *don’t* translate them at the bottom. I can’t at all get the full vibe of the fic if there’s words I don’t understand!

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I wrote a self insert fic when I was 10 about this one elf statue at the Santa’s Village Amusement Park in NH (please don’t ask)

but if that doesn’t count --please tell me it doesn’t-- then PJO and I still write the occasional fic for them now because PJO is just iconic.

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Omg that’s a hard one. I really struggled picking just one because there’s so many that I’m proud of but if I had to pick a genuine favorite I’d say... Inure, a fic I wrote a couple months ago detailing one of the darkest experiences of my life from Maedhros’s perspective. It was both incredibly hard to write and extremely cathartic for me and will remain one of the most terrifying things that I have ever had the courage to publish.

Mind the tags though, it is quite dark and can be triggering if you’ve had an experience similar to mine!

I’ll tag.... @findrahil, @sianascera, @admirablemonster and @secretlythranduil if any of y’all feel up to it!

[babsaros]

Ok I realised very quickly how curious I am once I started picking prompts and couldn't stop, so please only answer as many of these as you wanna :')

Dandelion - Crying, Anger, Family, Pancake, milky way, ribbon, crayon, shooting star, green heart, broken heart

Idk that much about Cory, or any of the others I think. But I'd like to ^-^ I'm gonna randomly assign some spicy ones

Coriander - volcano, gun

Rafe - mouse trap

Herat - lying

Merrill - crown

Denny - sparkle

RATORB - comet

I ended up just doing the dany and cory questions bc this got very long and i don’t want to post it any later than i already am bc i took a 12 hour nap in the middle but !!! ty for asking my sweet friend!

original list of questions here!

For Dandelion:

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily? Dany hates showing weakness and will hold back the tears as hard as they can. Usually it’s their own frustration at something that makes them break. I remember there being a few scenes over the course of the game where they just hit a limit and shut down, because otherwise they were going to start crying or do something equally embarrassing. I think they would cry if someone did something super nice unexpectedly for them though c:

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to? I wasn’t sure if this was meant to be like specifically angry habits or just habits in general sooo: I can see them stimming by pacing and tapping or randomly drumming on things, especially when they’re trying to think, and especially while driving. Playing the same song for hours, obviously. They also take super long showers and hate baths. When they’re angry, they get really quiet and tunnel-visioned and you’ve kinda just gotta wait out the shutdown because there’s no distracting them or getting them to talk before their brain has been able to process it, which could definitely be difficult to get used to.

👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

Dany actually does have 2 siblings! I don’t have really anything about them fleshed out bc it's a pretty estranged relationship at the point they were at in the campaign though, mostly because of their parents being homophobic/transphobic dingdongs. I think Dany is the middle kid though? With like a much older brother and a slightly younger brother or smth

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast? Mm I think most days Dany would usually go for smth simple like shitty frozen breakfast pizza lmao, but i think their fav kind of breakfast food would be bear claws, the kind filled with pecans, or some kind of really fancy eggs-and-salsa dish Okay okay confession time. You know the infamous hook-up arc? My first idea for the morning after was still for Dany to wake up first, but instead of freaking out and ghosting, they would have made Erica breakfast in bed NO I'M NOT SORRY I LOVE DRAMA OKAY

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

I think we decided on colors, monsters and power sources as a group, so i had that as the basis when I first designed Dany but I feel like I didn’t do anything particularly interesting with their base design and I’ve been wanting to change it up a little, mostly inspired by characters like Abby (tlou2) and Vi (arcane) to at least bulk up their frame a lot more. Like this is somebody who’s been very foolishly throwing punches since elementary school and works out because they’re the informal bouncer at their bar, but I didn’t decide that early on so Dany kinda ended up shrimpy :p plus i might change up the hair or give them more tats or something! I do love Martyr’s design though!! I love their little stone jaw tufts, i looked at a lotta gargoyle reference photos bc of those lol. Also i tend to put a little of myself and my own experiences into all my characters (this should be exceedingly embarrassingly obvious by now), so i base a lot of Dany’s experiences with adhd and rsd off my own! And I tried to work themes of trust and doubt through all their decisions.

🎀 RIBBON - how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into? Wellll, we’ve already talked about how well a knight/fantasy AU would work for them :3c I’ve also had the band AU banging around in my head since forever (they would just be so perfect as a drummer/lyricist) hmmm. In a TMA au, they could be an avatar of the Desolation or The Lonely. A cyberpunk au could be very cool (esp interpreting the magical guardian powers more as some kind of cybernetic virus or smth?)… I’m always a sucker for fake-dating tropes or softly-angsty soulmate aus too!!

🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?

At their core, Dany is just like. Way too determined. Like oh my god. Have less grit kid, can’t you see you’re pushing yourself way harder than you have to? You are 100% doing your best and no one would doubt that of you and you can afford to cut yourself some slack. Stop internalizing the shitty things you’ve ever been made to think about yourself. In the game, Dany was definitely at a point of burn-out in most aspects of life, and i would have loved to see them reach a point where they realize “wait okay this is stupid i’m not doing this anymore i’m not destroying myself about any of this anymore” and just realized that their perception of everything had been distorted the whole time. And for the love of everything, literally just sit down with Erica and really listen to her!

🌠 SHOOTING STAR - if they could make any wish with no repercussions, what wish would they make? Probably like. Wish for a nicer car. Not like a super fancy one or anything. Maybe just one that actually has an aux plug or smth. Or wish for a better memory or smth. I don’t think they would wish to really change anything major about their life, esp not the magical guardian stuff, because even though it was an uncomfortable transition they really leaned into the role hard and felt good in it sometimes. Especially whenever they were being called a Hero of Trust ;)

💚 GREEN HEART - what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

Dany would be SO big on check-ins and little reminders that their partner cares, like words of affirmation do a ton to combat rsd, especially unprompted??? Mmm they would melt. And hugs! I think once they got really comfortable, they would be soo clingy and touchy lmao.

💔 BROKEN HEART - what could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

This isn’t *really* answering the question, but along with tweaking their appearance, i’ve actually been thinking a bit about adding a bit to their backstory, inspired by a few songs... I’ve always thought of Dany as someone who could definitely actually be good at flirting, even though that didn’t come about really in play, and has had a few one-night stands in the past. I’ve *also* always had the idea that this is something that kinda fucks them up, making them worry they’re only worth affection when they have something to offer the other person! I’d like to give Dany someone they’ve got a sorta nasty history with, that reminds them to feel that shitty way about themself. For the drama!

And For Cory:

🌋 VOLCANO - how bad is their temper? is it a slow boil, or a instant explosion?

Cory is very quick to get angry, but has basically learned to smother it out of necessity. if you just went around murdering every single person that even slightly pissed you off, you would draw some very unwanted attention in Agoron (the shitty cyberpunk cowboy city she's from) Just assume that at any moment she's this close to deciding "to hell with the consequences" and pulling out her gun. When she finally reaches that point, it usually culminates in an explosion of extreme violence directed at whoever set her off (and if she can't get to that person, she'll take it out on whoever's closest to them) She’s basically lived the past few years in a constant slow-burn of anger at everyone around her, especially anybody that looks at Ara funny. She’s a little overprotective of Ara, who is decidedly the more world-experienced of the two lmao (also just realised i don't think i've ever posted this commission i got from @ quibbs (@ quibbed on twitter) of Cory and Ara, so i'll do a cheeky little paste)

🔫 PISTOL - do they trust people easily? how easily will they turn their back to someone? have they been backstabbed before? will they betray someone if given an ultimatum?

Cory trusts uhhhhh literally no one! not that many of the people she knows are very trustworthy anyway. She has a few... tenuous allies in Agoron, but she probably thinks of them all more as assets. This includes Lee Hines (a black market gundealer of questionable quality) Ruthie and Cassidy Kane (siblings who run a saloon and have very different opinions of Cory) and Grif (a kenku messenger/assassin for hire who has a not-so-friendly rivalry with Cory).

Ara is the only person she's ever been close to really trusting and feeling like they were on the same side (as opposed to the dog-eat-dog worldview Cory holds), even though it came with so much risk, but that kinda all blew up when Ara disappeared and now Cory just doesn't know what to think. She craves finding Ara, but she can't tell if that's because they have genuine feelings for each other or because she needs to make Ara pay for betraying Cory's trust. And Cory has always been on the lookout for a way to safely betray her crimelord boss, Atticus, who definitely deserves to be betrayed and he knows it.

[avis-writeshq]

Akaashi Keiji x Reader: Your Text (Coffee Shop AU)

Requested: No

Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x Fem!Reader (Coffee Shop AU)

Summary: “Hey pretty stranger, I think you look cute. Can I get your number? I wanna know you~”

Warnings: Fluff and trash writing

Other: Based on the song ‘Your Text’ by Sundial. Also might have gotten some inspo from my Akaashi anon >.< so Keiji, if you’re reading this… I hope you like it lmao

Word count: 750                                                        

 Things you probably wanna know, for all you ‘x reader’ illiterates:

(Y/N): Your Name

(H/C): Hair Colour / Color

(E/C): Eye Colour / Color

(N/N): Nickname

 ***

You started going to a café near the train station ever since you entered your second year of high school. Every Wednesday afterschool you would go to the cute little café near the station as you waited for your train. While you were there, you did the usual – do a little homework, buy a little treat, talk to the friendly staff members who deserved a pay rise. It was comfortable, it was cosy, and it was practically home… until you noticed him.

 He was sitting next to a window with another boy with frosted tips, sipping from the drink that was served to him just moments ago.

 You would be lying if you said he was unattractive. Even from the other side of the café, you could see his piercing gunmetal blue eyes. You don’t realise how long you’ve been staring when his eyes flickered to yours for a split second. Cheeks flushing a deep red, you looked back at your textbook in embarrassment.

 And so an endless cycle of rinse and repeat began. Every Wednesday afternoon in the cute little café by the station, you would cast longing and meaningful glances from one side of the café to the other, all hopefully discreetly.

 “You’re insane,” Aneko grumbled to herself as she plopped beside you one afternoon. “How long have you been watching him again?”

 “A month now… technically that’s only four times so it’s not that bad,” you huffed defensively.

 She gave you an unamused look. “You do realise that counts as stalking, right?”

 Your eyes widened in alarm. You quickly scrambled to pack up your things but she placed a hand on your forearm gently. “(Y/N), I’m joking.”

 You relaxed, easing into your chair. “Don’t scare me like that, Aneko. That’s not very nice.”

 “Look, that’s beside the point. Why haven’t you talked to him?”

 “For multiple reasons! He’s completely out of my league – he’s literally the epitome of perfection while I’m a sitting potato sack.” You groaned, burying your face in your arms. “Not to mention the fact that he’s always accompanied by his friends. Aneko, you know I’m too awkward to go up to a group of people and just talk!”

 The brunette rolled her eyes. “Look, I’ll go with you. It’ll be fine. Just ask for his number and then we can go back to studying.”

 “I can’t, Aneko! I don’t want to do it while he’s with his friends. You know how people change depending on who they’re with!”

 “You’re hopeless.”

 “You already said that,” you pouted in frustration. “I’ll do it if he comes alone. I promise.”

 As you took your seat on the train, Aneko gave you a gentle smile. “I think he likes you too.”

 Eyes wide, you looked at her in surprise. “Really? You think so?”

 She nodded, leaning back in her seat, her arms wrapped around her bag. “He kept looking at you, I noticed. And whenever he did there was this little smile on his face.”

 You felt your cheeks redden. “R-Really?”

 “I’m really happy for you, (Y/N)! When you both get together, we have to have a double date.”

 “Of course! If it happens, okay?”

 It was just your luck that the following week, he came to the café unaccompanied. Your cheeks burned as you considered your options. Not ask for his number and then regret it after that, as well as having to deal with Aneko’s constant berating. That, or ask for his number and have a chance of getting rejected by the cute café guy you see every Wednesday. You inwardly groaned, bonking your head on the table, attracting strange looks from a few customers, as well as the cute café guy.

 What did you have to lose? Your dignity, your sanity, your confidence… the list seemed to go on. What did you have to gain? A maybe boyfriend.

 Mustering up all the courage you can, you looked up, only to find that the cute café guy was already packing his things. Well, there goes your chance.

 That is, until he began to walk towards you, ears red from embarrassment but it made him all the more attractive. “Is… is this seat taken?”

 Eyes wide as you took a moment to process his words; you briskly nodded, tidying up your table to give him more room.

 “Sorry. About the mess, I mean,” you said, your brain currently learning how to speak again.

 “It’s alright. Um, do you mind if I ask for your number?”

*** 

Copyright Disclaimer:

All characters except for the reader and my OC’s (listed below) are the work of Haruichi Furudate (古館春一). This is not part of the canon work by any means. I do not claim ownership over the characters or the Haikyuu storyline and plot. Without Furudate Sensei’s work, myself as well as many other writers are unable to create these stories.

 My OC’s:

Fukuhara Aneko(福原あねこ)

Hasegawa Sakura (長谷川さくら)

Emiko Etsudo (えつどうえみこ)

Tachibana Reina (橘れいな)

[zirkkun]

Yo you have every right to be upset about things! You're still a person with your own feelings and deserve to be treated kindly. No one should come at you for making things you enjoy or for misunderstandings. I hope things get better for you even if I wasn't here for when all the drama happened (or maybe I was and just wasn't aware of it? I tend to avoid drama as much as possible tbh)

I didn't really post about it much. I think I answered about 4 asks about it (three of them in the same post because i was sure it was the same anon due to the similar string of seemingly continued messages) and the rest I just deleted as soon as they came in, but I got... A lot. A lot of mean things said too. Kinda hurts when you wanted to make something because you knew this work was highly criticized and wanted to let people give it a second chance only to be shot down by the people you were hoping to defend lol

In short, and a lot of it I missed because I was blocked by a lot of people so my friend sent me screencaps; someone took I believe only the old ask box post I had for ULR, which at the time was called "Underlust Rewrite," and was disgusted at the fact that everything was revamped and "made for kids" (because it's not 18+ explicit content, but as I've said before, it's just cause I'm too scared to be horny on main, and I've literally made a whole different biological system for ULR so I can write the necessary story ""sex scenes"" without it being human-like sex or otherwise uncomfortable or too explicit for me to draw, but I still consider it a mature story overall), so they blocked me instantly here and on twitter and then made a callout post on twitter itself. People were telling me originally to stop calling the AU Underlust, and I didn't really get it at first, because like, what's the difference between my spinoff and, say, Underlust Gold, Swapfell Indigo, TS!Underswap, you know, names that have add-ons from the original title to differentiate it but still connect it to the source. So that's what I said, as well as if I removed the Underlust name, it would be considered stealing to me, because I'd be disconnecting it from the source. But apparently, instead, what had been the concern was that it was just being called "Underlust" and the "Rewrite" aspect was implying I was replacing the original story, which like, had never been my intention and I've made a bunch of things with both the ULR and UL cast together and love the idea of Lust and Ace meeting up and just being a disaster duo of not working together at all. I just adore Underlust like it's in my pinned FAQ, Lust's been in my banner for months now, and he's practically my staple pfp character on every account but here atm.

It took like 3 days for it to actually click what was going on, because once I finally got the chance to have a conversation with someone where they weren't telling me I was the scum of the Earth -- which, honestly, bless the three people I talked to, they were so sweet (which actually included someone from the Japanese side of the fandom whose art I loved too... yeah it got pretty far. Once I sent them a message though it was cleared up quickly and they did post a clarification post about ULR and me, so that was nice to see.) -- I finally got the chance to realize that this was a misunderstanding from the beginning, from both sides, where people coming at me were saying I was doing all of the stuff above and probably more but those stuck the most, while I was confused as to where this information and accusations were coming from and what they were referring to in the first place. They probably never explained it in the anon asks because, well, they probably assumed I knew what I was doing, but when they came at me about something I didn't do with vague context of something I did do, I was very confused, and got really defensive really quickly, and really honestly snapped pretty hard. After my first initial explanation post and people were still trying to tell me to stop ULR/don't call it Underlust/whatever else there was, I just got tired and told people to block me if they didn't like it. But that didn't really stop anyone and honestly made it worse because that's when I started getting really nasty messages. I like... Specifically remember one where someone called me a lowlife and a thief, and that one stuck the most, but I tended to not read through them before deleting them for my own sanity. I actually did this to one of the people who'd later talked to me calmly about it at first too, because I had just woken up, and really didn't want to read an essay lecture on everything everyone's been telling me at the crack of 7am when I was borderline ready to delete my account and start over lol

Some people I do remember were accusing me of trying to censor nsfw content or erase it as well because ULR isn't 18+, and I'm out here on my horny ass like "wh. What are they talking about, where did you get that idea, have you SEEN my ao3 recommended list," /j but in all seriousness I really didn't understand that accusation at all because I've never been against nsfw content in the slightest and lowkey? This is very dumb -- but like, you know how they say when you get hate mail, you know you've made it? Well, for me, my thought has always been, "When there's 18+ fancontent of my OC's, I'll have finally made it." This is... Not a joke, some of my friends think its very weird LMAO oh well. I've been on the internet for far too long at this point -- like, definitely since I was far too young, probably, and being with a family of the next youngest being 12 years older than me, I really dove into stuff pretty quickly I definitely shouldn't have, but hey that's life -- I'm really unfazed by mostly anything now. Hell, me making ULR was honestly half motivated by me wanting to make others more comfortable with this kind of media, discussing sexuality and otherwise sexual-considered topics, without really being embarrassed or bothered by it. Because, people talk about death and killing and whatever other gorey stuff just fine, but the moment sex comes up, people just gasp in awe, y'know? I kind of grew up that way myself but like... ironically, in being more comfortable with my asexuality, I realized that it's honestly not that big of a deal. Sure, we don't need to hear the details of everything. We don't need to hear the details of a murder either. But I will never understand how murder is always the lowest on the "morally wrong list of things to not to" to so many people and that it's fine to mention, but even consider bringing up anything else and it's like, a sin and you're a bad person. Even racism is like, higher up on there for a lot of people, which it's like... this is an issue that needs to be discussed, or it can never be solved. You can't just kick that away and hope it goes away on its own, that's never how it works.

Ah, well, now I've gone off tangent lol. Sorry to make you read a blob of text lmao but having things in a cohesive format of what I've been thinking does feel a bit better. Thank you for the support regardless, and I do want to keep making what I really enjoy, because frankly, I really want to make things that make people take a step back and think for a moment, y'know? Things that invoke like a realization in yourself about something you didn't even know. That's how fiction's always been for me, so I want to give back by making it that way too. ... maybe my horny content is exempt from this however. That's just. Self indulgence LMAO.

Probably helps that I'm actually talking this all out for once, too, since before any of this I tried to keep as much of the situation contained to myself as possible in hopes I could clean it up before it got too bad. That was, in hindsight, probably a terrible idea lol. But I didn't want to be a source of stress for anyone following me or become the new creator-to-defend that like, 50% of people hate and 50% of people love and that you're either on one side or the other and there's no where in between. (I feel like Arin Hanson comes to mind for me every time I think of someone like this.) I know I can't please everyone and I knew internet hate would come eventually, but like, didn't expect it to be over a name or tag choice. I thought that would be a simple enough DM or clearable thing but apparently not, especially since I saw someone a few weeks ago delete their blog over a similar thing (though, the opposite, in a way: posting nsfw in a sfw tag by mistake). It wasn't in the UT fandom so y'all probably weren't following them (tbf I wasn't either, I just witnessed it happen from start to finish), but it was still disheartening.

Anyway, thank you, and sorry to make ya read all of that (if you actually did vahdbs don't blame you if you don't it's a lot of thought dump lmao)💕💕

[tinybibmpreg]

almost forgot to post the next prompt fill today lmao.. anyway fill 4/80, #61 - That is not a good hiding spot. ft my hero turned villain OC LeClerc Clifton (hero name Sharp Shot, villain name Dead Mark), and his hero friend from his former hero team, Sprint.

Bullseye: Bad Habits

“That is not a good hiding spot,” LeClerc’s former teammate told him, raising an eyebrow as they walked up to the motel he was currently staying at.

Sighing as he could feel a headache starting to build, LeClerc replied, “It’s not a hiding spot. It’s just where I’m staying.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so. I told you, Sprint, I’m just living here temporarily until I can go home.”

Sprint gave him an incredulous look. LeClerc rolled his eyes and pulled his room key out of his pocket, unlocking his front door. As they walked in, Sprint insisted, “That makes it sound like a hiding spot!” Then, he asked, “Why can’t you go home? Is someone after you?”

“No one is after me, but it’s none of your business,” he snapped. His back twinged and he winced, putting a hand on the small of it. Not a great start to the evening, LeClerc thought. He’d been planning to just relax, have dinner, maybe take a warm bath for his back, and watch some television until he fell asleep. He certainly hadn’t planned on Sprint running into him at the convenience store and demanding that they catch up.

Sprint took his elbow, and LeClerc yanked away, hissing. “Oops, sorry,” Sprint apologized, “-forgot you hate being touched without warning.”

“I don’t like being touched at all.”

Ignoring that, Sprint’s expression grew serious. “If you need any help at all,” he offered, “-I can help you. Any of the team would drop what they’re doing if you’re in danger.”

“I can protect myself,” LeClerc shot back.

Still, he turned his head and flushed. It was sweet that Sprint and the others still cared about him enough to rush to his aid without any information even after he’d abandoned all of them. It made him feel a bit guilty.

But before he could think too much about the events that had led to him leaving his superhero team, Sprint grabbed his shoulders and went, “Sharp Shot, look at yourself! I know you probably could protect yourself, but you’re pregnant! You should have other people looking after your safety. It’s hard enough to protect yourself individually, but your baby too?”

“No touching,” LeClerc hissed before he could process what Sprint had said.

The hero stammered another apology, pulling his hands away as if scalded. He clapped them together to try to keep from being grabby again. LeClerc doubted he’d be able to manage it for very long- Sprint was high energy and high affection. He was always getting up in his friends’ space and touching them, even with reminders not to.

Back on the team, he had gotten used to it. Sprint had eventually learned that if he pulled away not to step with him, and it was easy enough to stand near someone else on the team who didn’t mind the touching.

But now they were alone in a small motel room, and it’d been years since he’d last had to cope with Sprint’s affectionate nature. Never mind that he wasn’t feeling well and was on edge from being pregnant.

Sprint was staring at him, a determined look on his face. But his mouth was twisted down into the slightest frown, and he shifted his weight from foot to foot, his hands separating and grabbing at bits of his clothes. He was worried.

LeClerc took a deep breath and reassured his former teammate, “Sprint, I’m fine and I’m safe, I promise. I didn’t want to tell you because I’m a very private person and it’s also kind of embarrassing, but-” His voice caught a bit, and suddenly he felt exhausted and overwhelmed. Sprint’s expression morphed into pure concern.

“Sharp?”

“My wife kicked me out of the house. We had a huge argument and she told me to fuck off for a while. I haven’t seen or heard from her or our daughter in weeks.”

“You have a daughter? Oh, man, I don’t what I’d do if I wasn’t allowed to see my boys.”

“You have kids?”

“Yeah, um, two years ago, I adopted- shit, Sharp, are you okay?”

“Damnit.” He wasn’t, he really wasn’t. He’d gotten through the past few months thinking that every week was going to bring a phone call where his wife would invite him back home and tell him she did in fact trust him around their daughter, that he was still the man she’d fallen in love with.

But it’d been over a month since she’d last left him a message updating him about their daughter and how she still wanted some space and time to think. He hadn’t gotten to talk to his daughter over the phone at all after a disastrous call two weeks after he’d left. Just the thought of it made him tear up just thinking about it now. He’d made a colossal mess of things with his family, and now he was all alone, five months pregnant and miserable, moving every so often from one cheap motel to another somewhere, wasting away.

“Oh man, you’re crying- shit, can I hug you? Maybe you’ll hate this but I’m going to hug you.” Sprint stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a gentle squeeze. “If I’m hurting you or you hate it just say so, okay?”

Just a minute ago he would have reeled back and snapped at Sprint, but now he buried his face against Sprint’s chest, trying not to sob.

Sprint rubbed his back, leaning forward so his chin was on top of LeClerc’s head. It actually felt quite nice.

Until Sprint, whose mouth moved as much as his hands, started talking. “Uh, I don't know the whole story or anything but your wife kicking you out while you're pregnant and not letting you hear from your daughter is a pretty awful move.”

LeClerc pulled away to look up at him. “What? No, no, that's not-” He wiped his eyes and took a shaky inhale. “I worded that badly. She didn't… kick me out. She just asked for some space. She offered to move back in with her mother, but I didn't want our daughter to have to move, so I left the house.”

“Still, you're pregnant.”

“I didn't know at the time until a couple weeks later… and I don't know if she knows… I've left her voicemails about the baby since we always start arguing when she calls, but she might not have listened to them if she was upset.” He put a hand on his belly, feeling the baby shifting underneath it.

Sprint crossed his arms and tapped his foot, thinking. Then he snapped his fingers and said, “Wait, you’re totally emotionally weird.”

“You’re so comforting,” LeClerc growled, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Have you tried calling her? I remember when you got into that big row with Reg it didn’t even occur to you that you could be the first one to try to make peace.”

“I… I don’t think my wife would like that.”

“You need to, I think. Come on, Sharp,” Sprint coaxed him. “You’re five months pregnant and don’t look so good. You need to go home and work things out with your wife. If she’s nice like you said, then I’m sure whatever happened will blow over once she knows you’ve got another little one on the way.”

Cordelia would push aside their argument and welcome him back home as soon as she knew he was pregnant. She cared about and loved their daughter fiercely. So much that she’d asked him to leave to protect her. She’d surely feel just as strongly about their new child. Their argument would be put on hold for quite a while now that he was pregnant.

But still, the question he’d been steadfastly avoiding came to the forefront of his mind, making him feel sick. What if Cordelia did know he was pregnant and hadn’t asked him to come home, didn’t want him to come home? It seemed impossible, but what if she was that upset with him, that afraid for their daughter’s safety that she was willing to leave him waiting forever? Maybe she was frightened that the baby would be like him, dangerous. Or maybe she was just waiting for the baby to be born, so she could take it away from him.

Maybe he was too dangerous to be trusted around his own children.

He grit his teeth. LeClerc hadn’t dared to let himself think that, that his wife was right in her belief that he couldn’t be trusted to keep their young daughter safe, that he willingly put her in harm’s way. The past few months he’d firmly believed that Cordelia just didn’t understand. But maybe she was right, that he was the one who didn’t understand. He just wanted to make sure his daughter could protect herself, just as he’d been able to protect himself at her age. But she got hurt more often than not when he took her out and tried to teach her, scared her with warnings and stories from his past.

I should probably tell her, LeClerc thought, stomach lurching. I should tell Cory she was right, I’m dangerous, and she should take the kids and forget about me. But he didn’t want to do that. He wanted to see his daughter again, wanted to go home and be with his family.

“You’re doing that thing you did,” Sprint said quietly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“What thing?”

“When you quit the team and vanished, you were always thinking a lot. You’re doing it right now. Don’t do something crazy, please. Think about your family.”

LeClerc didn’t want to think about any of this anymore. He tried to calm himself down by reasoning that he always thought the worst and was too negative. Cordelia was probably just busy or upset with him or kept forgetting to call him. If he just stayed in his motel room and made sure his phone was on and charged, then eventually she would call and he wouldn’t have to feel so horrible. Everything would work out. It had to.

His hands shaking, he went over to his dresser and opened the top drawer. As he fished out what he was looking for, he announced to Sprint, “I need a smoke.”

“What?”

He opened his pack of cigarettes and pulled one out, then pulled out his lighter. He headed for the door, recalling that the motel had a ‘no smoking in the rooms’ rule. When Sprint didn’t follow him, he turned back and asked, “You coming?”

“You smoke?”

“I’ve always smoked.” LeClerc raised an eyebrow. Surely Sprint hadn’t forgotten that he smoked. He’d asked him to use his superspeed to run to a gas station and get him a new packet a few times on missions.

Sprint gave him an odd look and glanced down at his belly. LeClerc frowned, his face hot as he realized why Sprint had sounded so surprised.

“It’s… it’s fine, Sprint. It’s just one. I probably won’t even finish it.”

“Sharp, that stuff’s really bad for you, especially with your baby.”

“The baby will be fine. I hardly smoke at all compared to how I used to back in the day.”

“You shouldn’t be smoking at all! God, do you still drink?”

He felt ashamed, but tried to reason, “It’s just to help me relax. I had a few cigs and drinks here and there when I was expecting my daughter, and nothing happened.”

Sprint looked torn. “It’s still not good for you.”

“I hardly do it. I’m stressed out, that’s all,” LeClerc promised him. He didn’t dare mention that he’d been very stressed the past few months, especially so during the past few weeks. He stepped outside and brought the cigarette to his lips. It took him a few tries to light it, his hand shaking around his lighter, and then he took a long drag and sighed, leaning against the wall of the motel. Sprint came out and closed the door behind him.

His expression was disapproving and a little bit sad, so LeClerc stared across the parking lot instead. As he smoked, Sprint was uncharacteristically quiet.

Midway through the cigarette, LeClerc’s former teammate found his voice again. “That’s a nasty habit.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Make sure you call your wife, yeah? I should head out. Gotta pick up my kids.” Sprint took a step forward, getting ready to run. He blurred and just like that, he was gone.

LeClerc sighed and pulled his cellphone out of his pocket.

[asterdeer]

1, 10, 18, 30 for the writers asks!!

thank u!!! <3 <3 <3 under the cut, i didn’t realize how long this one got lmao

Which OCs names do you like the most?

my cousin gave me chance treize (lucky thirteen in french, at least translated literally, idk if it’s actually in use as a phrase in french-speaking areas) when we were like 13 for a whole different character so i can’t take full credit but it’s still one of my favs! actually the names in deep six are all really good. names on point even if nothing else is

a protag in one of my stories i’ve never written to my satisfaction is named dara iliad, and her co-protag’s name is beacán jayne, and i love both of their names. same with song okent and bats “poison” mally. the most recent character to get a name is my DADSASSINATION protagonist, hazel/haze faye, which is directly thieved from flannery o’connor to add legitimate southern gothic flavor to the florida-inspired high fantasy setting, and i’m pretty fond of that

If your wip had a fandom what would you want it to be like? (some examples: size, audience, content, etc)

one of my favorite fic writers recently commented that if their original fiction doesn’t end up with some weird shit on ao3 then there’s no point to anything and i have to agree! my delusions of grandeur and need for external validation want a massive following who are as prolific as they are weird. then i remember that prolific and weird fandoms are generally the crazy ones. then i remember that life is short and i’m easily bored, so maybe a small but still batshit funky following i can depend on to be challenging but never toxic

List five positive things that you like about yourself as a writer.

i have really good names!

if i have a goal in mind, i have trained myself to get the work done. doing nano three times a year for almost a decade will do that for you

i care a lot about the characters i write and i think that translates pretty well to page without being too obnoxious

at my best, i think i balance big emotions and drama with a more stripped-down, straightforward writing style so it’s neither dry nor flowery and overwrought 

uuuuuuuuuuuuuhh i have no idea. sometimes i really like my setting descriptions!!

Why do you love writing? Don’t hold back.

god i haven’t felt like i loved writing in so long, it’s just been a source of shame and embarrassment and failure since last year, but i guess at the root it’s what i love about reading, in that it’s both an escape and a reminder? describing stories i love as “escapist” is true but not the end of the definition - what stories i love, i love because they invite me back to the world after i’m done reading, they remind me why it’s worth sticking around. fiction is the epitome of the “the little things matter the most” philosophy because there’s nothing to stories about, like, superheroes, or four sisters vacationing with their dad and their dog, or a wizard and his daughter on an island, or a villain teaming up with a shapeshifter, or a boy with green eyes who doesn’t sleep, or [waves hands] anyway, nothing about those stories has any real bearing on my life, they’re fictional, they’re not real, especially for someone who primarily reads speculative - one of my college friends told me, an english major, to my face, that shakespeare doesn’t save anyone so why should he matter, and i probably internalized that more than i knew i should have. but when i close the cover on a book i loved or that touched me in some way then i feel more equipped to be alive, even just being in those pages for a few hours was a few hours where i was Okay, and it’s like... i don’t know what engaging with stories will be like if i ever get healthy in my head but i doubt they’ll ever stop being a lifeline to me

and that’s what i love about writing, is the chance and the opportunity to make a lifeline for someone else

[keoghans]

Hey Chuck

Hello and welcome to this Chuck Grant fanfic. I always loved this dude, and I see little to no work about him, so, I took it upon myself to do fic about him. I invented a character, his love interest, because I cant write reader insert, I just, it bothers the fuck out of me to write like that lmao. 

Special mentions for @notmykirk @liebthots @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @alphapockets for proofreading, giving ideas and helping a distressed, nervous writer lol, you lot were brilliant!

This is super angsty, but also filled with fluff and stupid cliches. 

Pairing: Chuck Grant x OC

Warnings: angst, shitloads of angst. Mention of rape. Slight, non-explicit smut. Cursing.  

Word Count: 12k (I know, IM SORRY)

Epilogue 

Three knocks and an anxious wait.

The door was opened by the tall ginger that didn’t seem to ever age. 

“Hannah Davis! What brings you here?” he exclaimed with a broad smile as he hugged her smaller frame. 

“How are you, sir? You look great!” she replied and he furrowed his eyebrows at her answer.

“Hannah, the war is over, it has been for a while, I go by Richard, Rich, or Dick, please,” he said, as he let her in his house. He sounded the same, warm, emphatic, funny. 

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” she replied, checking out his living room. He lived in a beautiful, tall house, very homey. It had a fireplace on and a half finished drink on the nearby table. 

“My wife went to visit her brother, a man that’s never approved of me, so I stayed back,” he explained, serving another drink for her. 

“I remember when you first told me that he wasn’t fond of you and I wondered, how the hell does someone not like Dick Winters?” she replied and they both chuckled. 

“Her parents like me, and so does she, so… it doesn’t really matter”. 

Hannah didn’t marry post war, and it had been only a year, but most of Easy Company was already having children, marrying or at least dating. 

She had her heart set on someone but she had lost all contact with him and the Army didn’t help her trying to get what she needed.

So, after an hour and a half of reminiscing about the war, about Austria and the Eagle’s Nest, Winters caught up to her.

“Hannah, with all due respect… I know this isn’t just a casual visit, or you would’ve brought Luz or someone else with you,” he started, trailing off for her to speak. 

Hannah chuckled cynically, the man had always been prone to read people like a piece of paper. She struggled for a few seconds, her nerves coming back to her, scratching the back of her head absentmindedly.

“I’ve been trying to find someone… Someone from the Company, and I don’t want to ask the rest of the men because… Well, if this fails, I don’t want it to be gossip between them; and the Army couldn’t help me, they cannot give out information about former paratroopers,” she explained. 

“I have all of the men’s information with me, so, who are you looking for? Though—some information can be outdated, I haven’t updated it in a couple of years,” Dick said, looking for an old black book that had ‘Easy’ embroidered in the front.

“Say the name.”

“Uh… Charles Grant—NCO Chuck Grant.” 

Rick smiled softly, looking down as he looked for his name in his book. 

“What?” she asked, slightly embarrassed. He knew.

“Nothing. Sergeant Grant is an exceptional man, I felt deeply for him when he got shot,” he explained and placed a ruler under his name, handing the notebook to Hannah.

“I know he is, that’s why I’m looking for him,” she said, looking down at his name, copying the information of his address and phone number. 

Richard looked at her with his usual witty, warm smile. 

“Thank you, Dick” she said, closing the notebook and giving it back.

“Like my wife would say, ‘go get him’.”

///

Hannah had Chuck’s address and phone for a month and a half. 

Every time she thought about calling him, or showing up at his place, fear shook her body and threw her back to square one. She had taken a cab to her former Major in the Paratroopers for forty five minutes to find a man’s address and she couldn’t actually talk to him. 

Hannah laid in her bed, after a long day at the hospital. She was eating leftover carrot cake she had made a week ago, feeling dreadful, looking at the little paper with Chuck’s name sitting on her bedside table, and remembered the many times they shared. 

Bastogne was the coldest hell Hannah had ever experienced, and she knew it was never leaving her head after everything that transpired.

The trees exploded every now and again. As desperation settled inside each mind, everyone started wondering which was getting killed next. 

Then the casualties came: Joe Toye and Guarnere lost each other one leg to mortars, Don Hoobler accidentally shot himself in the leg and the blood loss took his life. Muck and Penkala got blown to pieces by another mortar. 

She had tried to save as many lives as possible as she had to shoot Germans from afar, fearing death every single second she moved around the snow covered forest.

She had short moments of peace, and most were laying in a foxhole, trying to gather some warmth, next to Chuck. 

Her body shook as she blew into her hands, trying to gain back feeling on her fingertips when Charles looked at her and grabbed her hands without a word, covering them with his calloused fingers, scooting closer to her. 

She was slightly taken aback. 

Chuck wasn’t a man of many words, he communicated more with his eyes and small expressions. He politely smiled at her as he rubbed his hands against her. 

“Thanks,” she muttered, nuzzling her chin deeper into her scarf that was tucked into her jumpsuit. 

Chuck just looked at her and kept rubbing their hands together. She noticed her blue eyes looking bright from the full moon shining down the forest. 

“I always hated the winter time, back in the states… and now more,” Chuck said, breaking the silence between them. 

“I know, I prefer to be burning under the sun rather than freezing my butt off.” 

“Cold beers,” he added.

“The beach.”

“Dipping into a river or the sea.”

Both exchanged small smiles. 

Chuck had always noticed Hannah, and stared silently at her many times, but barely exchanged a few words in the second year of their training, when she arrived in Toccoa. He knew she was Shifty’s friend, and someone who Winters relied on and trusted from what Powers had said to help her get into the Paratroopers. 

And she had proved herself useful, not only as a doctor, but as a sharpshooter, taking down snipers that others didn’t notice at first. She used to compete with Shifty on how many Krauts took down each.

Hannah always knew who he was, she remembered every and each name of the company, by nicknames mostly. He definitely called for her attention; he was polite, shy, only mustered a few jokes here and there, not like Luz, who couldn’t speak without joking. 

But she was never as interested in him until he helped her find warmth in a shattering cold in Belgium. 

Hannah remembered that with a smile—their first and probably closest interaction. It only took snow, people dying around them and a whole war for it to happen.

Friday, she thought, Friday would be a good thing for me to approach his house if, luckily, he didn’t move out before. 

///

Anxiety. Lots of. 

Hannah wasn’t on call at the hospital on Friday. She and her best friend, scheduled everything.

Angelina made sure she couldn’t back out of looking for the former paratrooper. She had helped her pick an outfit, helped with her hair, the whole ordeal. 

“Okay, go, go! It’s barely past noon, it’s a beautiful day, maybe y’all can go for a walk,” angelina said, taking a sip from her lemonade. 

Hannah was barely talking, her hands shook, she felt her pits damp with sweat, with a tight knot in her stomach. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, okay… I’m going, whatever, what could go wrong, what the fuck, he could only think I’m a fucking stalker, whatever right? Fuck—.”

“Oh my god, get out, I’ll take care of Trigger, let him have a stroll, and if by any chance you spend the night there—” she said, with a wink— “call me so I’ll stay and give Trigger his morning walkies,” Angelina commanded as she pushed Hannah through the door. 

“Good luck, honey!” She yelled as Hannah dragged her feet through the hot cement under the July sun. 

Every little thing that could go wrong played in her mind as she walked. Grant lived roughly twenty blocks away from her but she still wanted to walk there, to make it as slow as possible. 

Hannah checked the address in the small, torn piece of paper she had it written on and looked for 1612 for a bit, until she finally saw it.

It was a beautiful, tall white house, with a dark grey roof, a small porch with a couple of rocking chairs. A lot of small pots with flowers and different plants covered most of the front of the porch, which made Hannah think that there was clearly a woman living there. 

That made fear struck her again.

He’s probably married, there are rocking chairs and plants… none of the men of the paratroopers cared about fucking plants, why would Charles be any different? 

Fuck it.

Hannah shook her head, her curls moving along, stomped the ground after pondering for a couple of minutes, away from the house and took a few deep breaths before she walked up the three steps before the door and, with a shaky breath, knocked three times and took a step back, giving the door her back. 

She could sense her muscles completely tense, everywhere, arms, legs, stomach, and wondered why the hell she never got her anxiety completely treated like her PTSD from the war. 

What if a woman opened the door? I’d pretend I got the wrong house and run for the fucking hills. 

“Yes?” a deep voice said from behind her. 

Hannah could’ve swore her heart stopped for a split second.

She turned in her heel with the riddled feeling in her stomach when she met those bright blue eyes and the permanently tanned skin of Sergeant of Second Platoon, Charles Grant. 

His usual disheveled look was intact, she noticed, the droopy eyes and the resting annoyed face that was his trademark was still there, but it did change in a moment when he realized quickly who she was. His eyes widened as his jaw dropped slightly. 

“Hannah? Hannah Davis?!” he exclaimed, opening the door wider, taking a step forward shyly. 

Hannah swore her heart was thumping against her chest like a hammer, and was actually afraid Chuck would notice it. But all he did was try to find the words, stuttering slightly as he took a look at her.

“Hey, Chuck,” she said, trying to find her voice back from somewhere in her throat. 

Charles let a single chuckle out of his mouth before, sort of awkwardly, pulled her for a hug, crossing his left arm around her torso and the other one, around the shoulders.

Hannah was a hundred percent sure her heart could arrest at any moment and die right there. The man was hugging her. And she was hugging him back, the same way, when his perfume surrounded her and she closed her eyes for a moment, lingering her head above his shoulder, every single feeling she had ever felt for him rushing back into her stomach, untying the knot slightly, filling it with butterflies. 

“What a surprise! Come on in,” he said, as they parted, moving aside so she could walk inside first. 

Clean, super clean. The fact that the house was so clean yelled wife! in Hannah’s face. But she shook the thoughts aside, trying to focus on walking and trying not to bump into anything and make a mess of herself in front of Chuck. 

“You like it? I’ve been trying to decorate myself but… I don’t know, looks shitty to me still,” he added, standing next to her as she looked at old signs of tobacco brands, and a couple of paintings up white walls, complemented with an olive couch with three seats, a coffee table and a TV in front. 

And books, everywhere. Different sized, colored, some put in a small library in the corner, near the couch. Some were sprawled over on the coffee table and one on the couch, open and faced down. 

She took the books as the cue to find out and get it over with. 

“You and—and your wife must read a lot,” she said, sniggering internally as she awaited for an answer. 

Chuck let out a hearty chuckle, looking suddenly a bit embarrassed at her. 

“Uh, I’m not married,” he said, forming a thin-lipped, awkward smile on his lips. Hannah felt how her shoulders relaxed at the information.

“Oh—sorry, it’s just… It looks very homey, and you know, women do that work mostly,” she said, trying to sound innocent. 

“I learned a bit from my mom, and I found out that I really enjoy gardening and plants in general, that’s why there’s that many on the outside porch. Luz told me I was becoming a woman, I said, ‘what’s wrong with being a woman’?” Chuck said, scratching the back of his neck. 

“He fought side by side with one, and he still says that crap?” Hannah asked, remembering George Luz, the clown of the company. “Fuck him, I like how it looks, it’s homey and… looks warm, you know?”

Chuck nodded his head proudly, trying to shoot down a smile that tried to creep up, slightly blushing. 

“Listen, I was roasting some chicken, are you hungry? I have beers, too,” he said, pulling her by her wrist softly. This touch sent electricity up Hannah’s arm as she nodded silently, following him. 

She was sort of surprised by his cheerfulness. He was a very lowkey man, never spoke too loud, unless he wanted to mock one of his peers with Luz or Guarnere. He fumbled around the kitchen for a bit, before going through the back door to the backyard, where he had a barbecue against the wall.

And she could see him work, cutting up the chicken while it was still roasting, and noticed how he hadn’t put up any weight since coming back from the war, or losing any from the anxiety and PTSD. He had kept in form, his arms still big, as his shoulders, the black sleeves of the shirt sticking tight against them. 

Jesus, stop that! 

Lost in her thoughts, looking around the kitchen, she didn’t notice Chuck was back with two small sandwiches in hand, leaving them on a couple of plates as he quickly moved to grab two Crystals. 

“My brother taught me this amazing sauce, and it’s like pulled pork, but pulled chicken,” he explained, almost proudly of his handiwork. Hannah smiled and took a bite on it. 

Instantly, she had to suppress a moan that was about to fall out of her full mouth, as she widened her eyes at him. He smiled as he chewed and nodded his head like saying I know, right? 

After downing her bite with a bit of beer, Hannah finally breathed out to compliment his food, making Chuck blush again. 

“So, uh… what brings you here? Did you need anything?” Chuck asked, taking a sip of his beer again. 

I wanted to confess that I had feelings for you since you helped me warm up in a foxhole in Bagstone and you saved my ass when I got shot and you dragged me into a jeep to be taken away for a bit to heal, and I always wanted to kiss you for that but I’m such a fucking wuss, I never even dared to flirt. 

“Oh, no, no, I didn’t come to ask any favors, no,” she replied, chuckling nervously, “I—I’m gonna be honest with you; when we came back from Europe, I knew you had to do some recovery from the shot you took, that would need rehabilitation and… I was dealing with so much I couldn’t stay and I felt like shit for a long while for that—Shit, this sounds like I’m doing this to sleep better at night but no, I just want to say: I’m sorry, I should’ve been there like you were when I lost my ear to a kraut bullet, Chuck, I’m really sorry, and I wanted to check on you, see how you were doing…” 

It wasn’t a complete lie, Hannah knew that, but she still felt like what she needed to actually say was heavy in her chest. 

Chuck smiled, and turned his head slightly, pulling his hair up a bit. 

“The scar goes all the way to the back of my head, I—I should’ve died by the extent of my wound, but, it was mostly sup—superficial. My left arm is partially paralyzed,” he explained, lifting both arms at the same time but the left one was left behind as the right kept going up. “And sometimes it’s hard to s—” he closed his eyes as he struggled to say the word, his tongue frozen in the roof of his mouth for a couple of seconds— “speak, like, right now.” 

Hannah looked sorry, like a dog with a tail between its hind legs, feeling ashamed. 

“Don’t feel bad, I had my family and some of the men to help me, and very good doctors too, really, it’s not like you had to take care of me, you know,” Chuck added, grinning warmly at her. “George, Doc Roe and Speirs came almost daily to help, I was set; speaking of wounds, how’s the ear?”

Hannah moved her hair away to show him the scarred and dusty pink skin that reattached to her head after it got blown off in the Battle of the Bulge. 

Bullets and mortars were falling down the territory Easy Company covered. As much as anyone avoids talking about fear, they were all terrorized; the lack of winter gear, clothes, ammo, and food kept them all weak.

Hannah and Chuck were shooting non-stop, both with shaky breaths as they were still covered under a wool blanket, where only the gun and their eyes could be seen. 

“Hannah! Hannah, go help Shifty!” she heard Lip call her as he ran past. She sighed, not wanting to be any closer to the flying gunshots that were showering horizontally on them. 

“Go, it’s okay, go!” Chuck exclaimed, looking at her swiftly as he kept shooting. 

Hannah groaned in annoyance but still climbed up the hole. 

Chuck watched at her go, though her walk got cut short. She froze in her place and he knew something was wrong, and in a split second, she was on the cold ground, yelling her lungs out.

“Shit, shit, shit, hold on, Hannah! Medic!! Medic!!” he yelled as he let his rifle in the hole, crawling to check on the brunette. 

As soon as he turned her body around, his face grimaced in shock. She had blood flowing from her side into her cheek, eyes and mouth, as she gasped for a breath, steam coming from her mouth from the sheering cold. 

He moved her hair slowly, uncovering what was left of her ear, hanging from skin threads, almost completely shredded from her skull. It was an awful view, and the crimson liquid kept flowing and flowing. 

“What is it? Let me see, Grant, move!” Eugene Roe exclaimed, pushing the other soldier aside, checking the wound thoroughly. Hannah had stopped yelling, shock had settled in her body, covering her from the pain. 

“It’s superficial, but you will need someone to cut off the rest. Help me get her to the jeep, Grant,” he said after covering the hole with sulfate and a white bandage that went across her face. 

“Hannah, you’re going to be just fine, stay with us, come on!” Eugene yelled as Chuck lifted her from her back and legs, her face falling into his shoulder, bleeding on his jacket. 

Chuck glanced at her every few moments as he ran to where her ride was stationed, she looked paler by the second that passed, her eyes were closing and he had to keep calling at her to stay awake.

“Hannah, come on, come on, stay with me, stay with me!”

When she was finally strapped down the bed on the front of the sheet, he held her hand for a second before she was pulled away, disappearing into the woods as he had to ran back to his foxhole and keep defending their territory. 

But he kept wondering and wondering about her, until she came back two days after. 

“You came back almost good as new, ear-less, stitched up,” Chuck said, reminiscing.

“And I had to tolerate thousands of ear related jokes for weeks, and got called ‘Earnnah’ too” Hannah said, making them both laugh.

“Fucking Luz and his nicknames,” Charles said, shrugging.

“Anyways, I still don’t have an ear, but the flu I was going through had clogged my eardrum and saved me from being deaf on one side, right?” Hannah added, lifting her beer bottle to cheer for that.

“To the flu, baby!” he said and both drank.

A couple of hours went by and both Chuck and Hannah were already feeling more comfortable in each other’s presence. They laughed about some anecdotes, and updated on their current lifestyles.

“So, a tobacco store?” Hannah said, standing under the sun in the backyard, enjoying the warmth of a summer afternoon, much more relaxed. 

“Yeah, it was my post war dream, and I finally gathered what I needed to open it, it’s in downtown, 5th ave and Charleston. It’s cosy, small, but good enough to sell small things,” Chuck explained, clearly proud of his achievement. “You should come by sometime”. 

“I would, but I quit smoking a few weeks ago,” Hannah replied and Chuck looked surprised. 

“Really?” he asked, propping himself against a column he had set to sustain a small roof he had put up in his yard. 

“Yeah, but I’ll probably hit withdrawal soon and I’ll go back to square one quickly,” she replied, mocking herself and her power of will, making Chuck laugh.

“You still sing?” Chuck asked, and she knew exactly why he asked. “I still remember when we found that piano in the Eagle’s Nest, and you sang a few songs to us,” he said and a very small grin creeped up his lips, looking down at his hands. 

That was one of Hannah’s proudest moments. 

“I do remember that, and I still sing, yeah.”

The war had lightened up, somehow. 

Easy Company was on the works to clear the way into the old Nazi Town of Kehlsteinhaus, where they knew, at the top of the mountain, resides the crown jewel of the Nazi Party. A very glamorous house made only for Hitler and his closests friends. 

Winters dictated for the Easy Company to head straight to the Eagle’s Nest, after raiding the town and finding a place to settle for a bit. 

Hannah heard Speirs yelling the orders and they didn’t even think for a second before they started running up the mountain road towards the House. She ran next to Chuck, Popeye and Malarkey. 

They entered the premises slowly, looking around for Krauts, their guns up in arms. And all of them were surprised by the size of the place from the inside. 

It had grey walls, with bay windows every few meters, the sun shining through, illuminating the whole place. There were a few tables with a few chairs each, some silver plates and vases scattered around the living room, a fireplace, and on the far end, a grand, black and shiny piano. 

Hannah was immediately drawn to it, forgetting about the men popping bottles of champagne they found lying around, remembering instantly the songs her grandfather had once taught her when she was younger. 

The boys weren’t paying attention until they heard the first few notes Hannah pressed on. 

“Davis, you can play?” Spiers asked her as they got closer. 

I waited till I saw the sun, don’t know why I didn’t come

Hannah started singing, as a way to reply Speirs. 

Chuck was certainly taken aback by her singing voice, she had never mentioned before she could do that, that she had even learned or anything she did apart from training for the paratroopers and hang with Shifty. 

When I saw the break of day

I wished that I could fly away

Instead of kneeling in the sand

Catching teardrops in my hand

Her fingers seemed to be dancing around the keys like she had been doing that for a lifetime, as her voice shone through the notes she played. There was a sudden peace brought by the song, which no one could remember having heard before that moment. 

Chuck sensed his body relaxing, as he looked at the brunette who met his eyes not too long after.

My heart is drenched in wine

But you'll be on my mind

Forever

For a fleeting moment, Chuck felt no one was there but him and Hannah, as she kept singing, his breath catching in his chest, leaving him breathless. He knew he had been looking at Hannah with different eyes for a while, but he never actually realized it completely until that moment. 

Something has to make you run

I don't know why I didn't come

I feel as empty as a drum

I don't know why I didn't come

I don't know why I didn't come

“From then on, you guys would ask me to sing every time we found a piano laying somewhere in the abandoned cottages,” Hannah remembered, smiling at the memory. 

“Well, you do have a beautiful voice that puts everyone at ease, you know,” he complimented and Hannah could feel how her pulse accelerated at his compliment, cursing herself internally for being so weak for her former NCO. 

“It's mid-afternoon, care for a tea?” Charles asked, when he noticed her blushing, not answering his compliment, knowing he had hit somewhere inside her with it. 

“I can make a quick cake with anything you have in your kitchen, if you want to…” Hannah said, almost rushedly, trying to cover her tracks. Yeah, that doesn’t sound weird at all, Hannah, you fucking wuss, offering to bake a cake after a couple of hours chatting and trying to cover your stupid feelings, sure, yeah. 

“Kitchen’s all yours,” Chuck said with a grin, looking for his kettle to boil water while Hannah looked for her ingredients for a classic vanilla cake. 

As Hannah whisked the ingredients, Chuck served two mugs with boiling tea, placing one next to her as he watched her focused in his kitchen. 

“I swear, most men of the company don’t have all this stuff laying in their kitchen,” she said, still looking down at the mix.

“I’m not most men,” Chuck replied and both chuckled at his comment. “Oh, look here,” he said suddenly, making Hannah turn around.

A black cat with a small bell in his neck walked in, stretching its legs, and walked up to Chuck, placing its front paws in the dirty blonde legs. 

“This is Roe, I got him a few months ago, he walked in with a broken hind leg and never left this house,” Chuck explained, taking the cat into his arms, which made him start purring loudly. Hannah proceeded to pet him, sliding her fingertips slowly in the soft fur of the head. 

“He’s so handsome!” 

“Thank you,” replied Charles, earning a small slap in his arm by Hannah, who chuckled as she kept petting the kitty. 

“You saying you took care of this kitty reminded me of that nun who changed my bandages in Foye, in that church, remember that? She came straight to me, wondering how a woman is in the Forces, and silently, pulled my face and cleaned me up,” Hannah said, remembering the face of the woman in the black typical suit of a nun. 

“She didn’t treat anyone but you, which was either great or very selfish of her,” Chuck said, jokingly.

“She was in a convent, they take care of women mostly, and I am one, so…” she trailed off, wanting to slap the grin out of his face as she felt her heart melting to the view of Chuck, holding a cat between his arms like a child. My uterus is flipping about. “It’s not like no one took care of you boys.” 

“What are you talking about?” Chuck wondered. 

“Holland. All those women, and food, and drinks, and praising,” Hannah said as she put the mix in the oven. She could hear Charles laughing at her comments.

 “I wasn’t doing anything there, I did accept food though.” 

“Oh, Chuck, come on, I saw you with that blonde that was taller than you, kissing you non-stop,” Hannah exclaimed, way too quickly for her comfort, and turned around, pretending to check on the oven temperature; Could you be any more obvious, Hannah, dear?

“You sound jealous,” Chuck replied, with a smirk and furrowed eyebrows.

“I—okay, yes, I was; everyone was treating you all like goddamn heroes and whatnot, while I got questionable looks and fingers pointing at me for being a woman in a uniform… Hell, they must have thought I was the squad’s whore or something,” she defended herself, trying to not blow her cover that easy in front of his intense eyes looking at her from a few meters. 

Chuck felt bad for a moment. He knew she was proud of being the first woman fighting alongside men in a war, knowing she had earned the respect of many, many people, but there was still a long way to go to be accepted by the population in general. 

“Yeah, I wanted someone to kiss me too and give me drinks, I deserved that too, I didn’t have any physical contact with anyone as much as y’all in that time,” Hannah kept going, the anxiousness to cover herself up from showing feelings almost drowning her. 

“I’m sure you would’ve gotten a kiss if you just asked,” replied Chuck, taking a sip from his tea while still holding Roe. “I would have if you asked me.”

Did my heart just stop? Did it just… really stop? Quick, don’t linger in silence too much!

“You’ve always been such a gentleman, Grant, but that was impossible. First, we were in the Forces together and that was very forbidden. Second, I couldn’t ask people for that, that’s just sad and I didn’t look like any of the women there, my hair wasn’t done, I was wearing our uniform and probably didn’t smell the best there,” Hannah clarified, trying to not sound too rushed again. 

“Okay, yeah, partially true, but you don’t need to be all fixed up to be pretty, though.”

He knows and now he wants to play soccer with my fucking heart. Goodness, I hope he doesn’t know.

“To be honest, it’s not like I came back to the states and started dating and whatnot… I did adopt a dog, his name is Trigger, like the one Tab had back in the day,” Hannah said, trying to clear herself. “Oh, and Tab asked me out like a year ago,” she suddenly remembered. 

“Floyd?! R—really?” Chuck asked, clearly surprised. 

“Yeah, he showed up once, with flowers and everything. It was so sweet but Tab is like my little brother, so I let him down slowly and luckily, he accepted it and we’re still friends,” she explained, remembering how disappointed he looked for a second before she explained herself to him and he took it with humour and saved their friendship from awkwardness. 

All the while, Chuck laughed heartily. 

“What? Oh, don’t laugh at him! He’s so sweet, he was always nice with me, even when most doubted the presence of a woman at war, come on,” Hannah defended Talbert, throwing a paper towel ball straight to his face. 

“Hey! No need to get violent!” Chuck retaliated, throwing it back at her. “I can’t believe little ol’ Tab asked you out,” he added, chuckling. 

“You’re all always making fun of people who ask me out or flirt with me,” Hannah added, a sneer creeping up her lips. “Remember that one British soldier?” 

The Company had saved a hundred and forty brit soldiers, without any casualties. Everyone walked back to camp cheerfully but in silence until they entered the barn. 

Hannah didn’t feel as cheerful as the rest. She had been carrying a small infection under her tongue for a few days and cramps were attacking her every now and again, which she didn’t share with anyone trying to avoid some sexist comment about the nature of women. 

Booze was being passed around the brits and the company as everyone cheered and applauded for their exceptional work. Hannah did enjoy seeing all the grins and wide smiles spread around, while she stood in the side, leaning against a thin wooden column, rubbing her back to ease the pain. 

“Moose Heyliger and the American 101st have done the Red Devils a great service, making it possible for us to return and fight the enemy another day,” the captain of the British soldiers exclaimed to the crowd of paratroopers and the Red Devils. “To Easy Company, victory, and Currahee!”

Everyone cheered, drinking profusely, laughing and all around happy, until the same captain interrupted them for a second.

“Oh, and let us not forget to cheer for one more thing: the first woman in the Forces who was part of this mission, Miss…” 

Hannah wasn’t paying attention, she was completely zoned out on the side, until she heard her name being called a few times. She looked up to the Captain, who had his drink up and looking at her.

“Oh—Oh, Hannah, Hannah Davis!” she replied, a little startled. 

“To Hannah Davis!” The cheers erupted once again, but everyone was now looking at Hannah, who blushed furiously at the attention she was receiving. She just gave them all a tight lipped smile, her eyes drifting from one side to another. 

“So, congratulations are in order, ma’am.” A thick British accent interrupted Hannah’s thoughts a while after she had been cheered on. She turned around to find a tall man with a buzz cut, his red beret and a pointy nose. And a very warm smile. 

“Thank you, private…?”

“Joe Seaward, and it’s Sergeant now,” he clarified, taking his beret off as he took a drink. “How is the Force treating you? Good, I hope?”

“Very good, sir, they feel like family already. At first it was weird for them, but I was vouched for by the Battalion chief, and one of the men, who is an old friend from his hometown,” she replied, feeling slightly intimidated by the brit. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling comfortable. And hometown! Where would that be, if I may ask?” 

“Atlanta, Georgia. Can I ask you where are you from?” she asked, looking up at him. Hannah could feel the eyes of Easy on them, but she didn’t dare to look back at them. 

“Birmingham, born and raised,” Joe replied, looking proud. “Uh, anyone expecting you back home?” he suddenly asked, and Hannah understood what he was referring to. 

“No, apart from family, no one special,” she replied, and just got interrupted by another voice yelling at them.

“Sergeant Seaward! We’re leaving, come on!” Joe looked annoyed all of a sudden. 

“Well, ma’am, if this isn’t too forward, when this war is over, and luckily, we’re both still alive and well, why don’t you stay in England for a while and… maybe we can go to dinner together?” He said, rushing as he took a few steps back. 

Hannah thought for a second and, feeling like she had nothing to lose and after not being flirted by anyone in two years, she replied “Sure, Sergeant, if we both survive…”. 

Joe smirked deeply and quickly found a paper and a battered small pencil, scribbling in it and placed it in her hands, before kissing the back of it. 

“You’ll find me with that. Take care, Hannah Davis! Cheerio!” 

Hannah felt like a child meeting her first crush, blushing, with a dumb smile in her face, until she heard the sniggering paratroopers behind her. 

“What?” she asked, already looking annoyed at them as she turned to find them in a half circle around her.

“What was that ‘bout, Davis?” Bull asked with one lifted eyebrow. 

“Nothing–”

“Not nothing, that brit was flirting with you!” Liebgott exclaimed, his lip curled as his eyes darted between the door of the barn and her. 

“The fuck is the problem with that?” Hannah asked.

“No fraternization with soldiers in the Forces,” Chuck added, looking down at his hands. 

“Oh, fuck all of you. It’s the first time someone comes and tells me I’m pretty in two years, when y’all had women throwing themselves at you back at Eindhoven!” Hannah defended herself, shutting them all up. “It’s not like I’m actually going to do something about it, I might be dead tomorrow anyways”. 

“He looks stupid and he’s a brit, we’re all a better catch than him!” Martin added, inflating his chest. 

“The only decent man here is Doc Roe, and you all know that for a fact. I’m going to sleep for a bit, goodnight” she said, walking away from them, breaking the half circle without looking back. 

“I still have that small, battered piece of paper with me, but I never went to see him,” Hannah added, smirking at the thought. “I should’ve stayed in England and find him, honestly”. 

Chuck frowned, “why? Was he really that interesting?”. 

“He was sweet, he had a very attractive accent and hell, how many men do you know that say ‘cheerio!’ When saying goodbye?” Hannah defended Sergeant Seaward.

“Oh, stop talking talking about him already” Chuck said, dismissing her comments with a frown.

“Who’s jealous now, huh?” Hannah joked, pushing him slightly. Chuck just laughed bitterly.

///

Chuck showed her around the house, apologizing for forgetting to do a tour when she first came in.

He showed him some old pictures he had from high school that his mom had taken of him, some of his own family, and even a photo from a high school girlfriend he still had. Charles told him they were still in contact because her family was close to his, until he went to the war and she moved out of the usual address. 

“It’s like the time I was away, fighting, home became a black hole in my memory, like…It couldn’t possibly exist at the same time I was away.” 

Hannah enjoyed learning more from his past, and suddenly wondered if he had ever known what happened and how Easy reacted when they found out he had gotten shot. 

Charles was looking down at a picture when she popped the question. 

“Chuck, did you uh—did anyone ever tell you what happened with Easy when you… When that replacement shot you?” 

He suddenly took a seat on the couch, looking up at her. There was something on his eyes that she couldn’t decipher, but it was between fear and curiosity; his fingers went to linger over his scar absentmindedly. 

“No, I—the guys never told me anything, and I didn’t dare to ask, honestly.” 

“Do you, uh… Do you want to know?” Hannah asked. Chuck nodded, his lips seeming sewn shut. She took a seat next to him, the air suddenly completely filled with tension. 

“Well, you had patrol and we were relaxing in the house, playing cards, some asleep, most smoking and chatting about the end of the war. Also about the points, but, that’s not important.”

“Then, the door of the living room burst open with a pale, very pale and shook Tab. ‘Grant got shot in the head’ was the first thing he muttered. You know, there wasn’t any music around us, but it seemed like it had stopped. The relaxing atmosphere was cut off like when the lights go out with a switch.” Chuck was staring at her, his attention fully on her. 

“But we didn’t have that much time to like… process. Floyd had received orders to find the shooter, and we practically went around the whole town and the ones nearby looking for him. We had the order to bring him alive but neither wanted to lose the chance to put a bullet in him. We were organized in groups, and we divided in three or four people each.”

“We ended up finding him still in Zell Am See. Malarkey found him with Bull and Lieb, they found him trying—” She took a pause, her stomach turning slightly at the memory— “trying to rape an Austrian girl. She was saved, thankfully, and he was brought back to the house where he took the beating of his lifetime”

By that point, Chuck jaw was opened, but his eyes seemed calmer, somehow.

“Did you beat him too?” he asked. Hannah suddenly broke eye contact, looking down at her fingernails fidgeting together.

“Yes, but I only punched him, the rest did the real beating… I was so angry when I found out he was in the house, I burst through the door and went straight with my knuckles to his jaw. I had my hand bruised for weeks. You were away at that point, Speirs and Roe had found a Kraut brain surgeon and got him to work in you as soon as they could. But we didn’t know if you were alive or not. After the rest took their turn with the replacement, Speirs had come back, saying the surgeon confirmed you were going to be okay; then they dragged the son of a bitch over to the MP’s.”

Hannah felt ashamed, her body seemed to be burning when the memories of that moment revived in her.

“I was so scared you were gonna die, Chuck… I wasn’t there when Speirs confirmed you were going to be okay, and I just—I lost it at that moment,” she added, a knot forming in her throat. “Lieb found me, while I was sitting in a room upstairs, on a bed, in the dark, cursing and crying. It wasn’t only you that made me cry, but… I cared about you, you know. You were my friend, we went through the worst together and I thought I had lost y—,” Hannah’s voice broke, and a single tear rolled down her cheek. 

“Hey, hey, Hannah, I’m here, aren’t I?” Chuck said, scooting closer, placing a hand on her knee and another rubbing her back. “I’m sorry for scaring you like that…”

At that, Hannah snorted while she teared up.

“What are you apologizing for? For getting shot? Jesus, Charles, you didn’t ask for it, did you?” she joked through the tears and broken voice, making both laugh cynically. Hannah lifted her head and looked at him, and noticed how his eyes were watery. He sniffed as he tried to recompose himself, his hands never leaving the brunette.

“No, I know, but… I’m okay, you s—see? I just speak like I’m dumb or something now,” he joked. 

Suddenly, something took over Hannah and she hugged him, with her arms surrounding his shoulders completely. Chuck was taken aback at first, but he then wrapped his arms around her waist and stayed there for a moment, neither muttered a word, only sniffs and breathing could be heard. 

Hannah laughs, then smiles down at the picture of a younger Chuck. Some things change, and some things stay the same forever. Chuck is one of those things that never changes.

After a while, after a hug that helped both recompose and even sort of heal wounds that can’t be seen, they went back to rummage through old photos. 

“Oh, look at this one,” Chuck said, pulling a picture from his teenage years, where he was in just his underwear, surrounded by kids holding different pieces of clothing cheerfully “that was in the middle of summer, we were trying to fight the heat with water balloons and I got so soaked, my brother and my friends convinced me to take them off so they could dry. Me, being stupid and young, did so and they stole them and ran away.” 

Hannah laughed loudly, looking at Charles with apologetic eyes.

“How could you be so naive?” She asked, between laughs. 

“Hey, if I remember correctly, you got your clothes stolen once, in Haguenau! And you know it sucks, doesn’t it?” Chuck replied, jabbing his index on Hannah’s arm. 

Hannah had survived Bastogne, with the scarring of her life and one less ear. Everyone was changed, they had lost many men there, including Toye and Guarnere, Muck and Penkala, and lost Buck to shellshock. 

These days passed with nothing much to do but waiting for orders, some training, and finally, after the snow had passed, winter clothes. 

Second Platoon was stationed in a tall, two-story house, with many rooms, filled with beds and some tables. It was battered, most wallpapers looked torn, and the smell of humidity and gunpowder filling everyone’s nostrils.

On a cold morning, Hannah came back to the second floor, where Malarkey was introducing the new Lieutenant Jones to the men.

“Sir?” her voice, smaller than ever, turned everyone around. Some had to take a second look to be sure what they were looking at. 

“What happened to you?!” Don exclaimed, his jaw dropped. 

Hannah was shirtless. She was holding herself trying to keep the warmth of her body, with only a bra, pants and boots on. She looked red in the face, from the shame. Hannah could sense the eyes on her body, taking notice of every single scar she was sporting, and the bandage that was covering one on the side of her hip. 

“I was changing bandages, I turned for a second to get the sulfate and I heard someone running and laughing. I thought there were just some men playing around but they had taken my clothes, sir…” she explained. Everyone could hear the anger in her voice, her jaw clenching tight. 

“Jesus fuck,” Malarkey muttered, while Chuck proceeded to pull the sweater he used under his jacket and quickly helped Hannah put it on. “Lieb, MccLung, Jackson, go find the fuckers who did this, report to Speirs”. 

“I’m sorry, Malark, I—I didn’t want to make any trouble, really, I—,”

“No, don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault, okay? Here, it probably smells but it’s better than nothing, I’ll have someone find some clothes if they don’t find yours,” Malarkey said, giving her his scarf, and went back to speak with Lt. Jones, who only nodded to her as a salute. 

“Come on, we made some coffee,” said Chuck, pulling her to where the kettle was in a corner. “Are you okay?”.

“Yeah,” was all she said, hiding herself in her copper mug, drinking the awful coffee they have been given. Then Chuck did something that she wasn’t expecting, but calmed her nerves quite quickly: his palm met the top of her head, and ran down her hair slowly. 

Hannah had seen the men do that to each other, when they had panic attacks or after the death of a fellow soldier, they would hold their heads or run their fingers through their hair. It seemed like a paternal way to hold them close and not let them fall into the abyss of desperation war brings in people. 

And now she felt it herself. Chuck’s fingers brought peace into her body, into her mind. She closed her eyes he kept going, enjoying that as well as the steam from the coffee meeting her cold skin. 

///

Not too long after, and from a window, Hannah and Chuck saw MccLung and Lieb dragging two soldiers from their jackets to Speirs and Winters. Joe talked furiously, clearly explaining what the two men did. 

Hannah chuckled cynically, knowing Speirs would have them doing the worst jobs for the Platoon. 

Her happiness didn’t last long, though. After getting new clothes, returning Chuck’s sweater, she found out, alongside the rest, that they had a patrol to get to at one past midnight. 

Everyone dreaded it, mostly because Second Platoon had lost the most people since Bastogne, and they still wanted them to do a senseless mission. They were ordered to cross the river into German territory and take prisoners to get intel. 

They still had hours to kill before heading to enemy territory, so Hannah decided to find some place to nap, after fixing and cleaning her guns and getting more ammo. 

She wandered around Second Platoon’s house until she found a room on the second floor. She opened the door, walking inside, and instantly found a sleeping body on top of the bed. 

“What? What?!” it said startled and looked up. Hannah didn’t notice at first but as soon as some light shone through the bullet holes on the wooden panels in the window, she saw Grant’s face. 

“Oh, sorry Chuck, I was looking for some place to sleep, I’ll leave you to—,”

“No, no, it’s fine… we can share,” he said from the dark, she could hear his hand patting the bed. 

Hannah thought for a second. She was exhausted, her body was still cold and there probably wasn’t a better bed in the whole house to nap in. 

So, she closed the door behind her and left her jacket and rifle on the floor, and climbed under the wool blanket. 

Under it, she was met instantly with Chuck’s warmth, her side wasn’t cold, as she expected it to be. There was calm, so much calm it was a bit unsettling for Hannah; last time she felt it, mortars fell from the sky and took her friends with the blast. 

But there was something about the gentleness of Chuck’s breathing that helped her, which she couldn’t explain, but silently thanked him for it. 

A few minutes passed when Hannah turned to her side, facing Chuck, who was already positioned on his side. She was unable to fall fully asleep, which was normal when someone tries to relax during a war. 

Hannah just stayed there in silence, eyes closed, her hand dropped on the mattress near her face, when she felt Chuck’s hand a few inches from hers. 

For a moment, she wanted to grab it. 

Hannah had noticed for a while that she was closer with Chuck than with the rest of the men. It was an odd friendship; it’s not like they talked for hours and hours on end but mostly in silence or with hushed, short conversations. But when she was with him, she didn’t feel as much fear as with the rest or alone in a foxhole. 

But he had always been there for her, like she was for him. Through every loss, through every problem. There was an implicit deep trust between them that neither acknowledged with words, but with simple actions. 

And to her, he was certainly an attractive man; with dirty blonde hair, an inviting smile, always polite and shy. And Hannah knew she had felt sometimes a bit of a butterfly in her stomach when he smiled at her. 

Suddenly, her thoughts were hushed when she felt his fingers wrap around hers. 

Hannah didn’t open her eyes, afraid they would show how much speed her blood pressure gained in a split second. But she did reciprocate, after a moment, moving her hand so his fingers intertwined with hers. 

Neither moved, neither spoke nor opened their eyes. And finally, both fell asleep until Liebgott woke them up a couple of hours later.

He opened the door loudly, letting in some light. Both Hannah and Chuck sat up quickly, startled and disheveled, looking at Joe like he was crazy. 

Joe looked at both with a deep, playful smirk before saying, “We have the meeting at CP in ten minutes, let’s go, come on.”

Thankfully, Joe didn’t notice that Hannah and Chuck were still holding hands under the sheet; but when they caught it, as Lieb left, they quickly unwrapped them and rushed to get their things, without saying another word to each other.

///

Night came around nicely. 

Both Hannah and Chuck were enjoying their time. Hannah had clearly relaxed, mostly after they had talked about what happened to the NCO, feeling like she had let go of a heavy weight she carried on her shoulders. 

Charles offered for her to stay for dinner when the brunette said she still had to walk her dog, even though she knew Angelina had probably done that already. He insisted, saying the leftovers taste even better reheated on the grill. 

Hannah laughed and agreed to stay, as long as she could help with it. Her day has been better than expected, way better. But she still had that small pebble in her shoe about her feelings towards Chuck. A part of her yelled that she should come clean to him, and be done with it, no matter the result. The other part also yelled that his friendship was more valuable than risking it for something more.

But the tiny voice in her head still insisted with No, no! He doesn’t feel that way. He hasn’t flirted with you, or showed some clear sign of attraction, Hannah! Have dinner and pretend it’s all good. 

“Hey, can I ask you something? This might sound a bit weird,” Hannah said, with a sneaky smile while Chuck revamped the grill. The former NCO just nodded in response. “Why aren’t you married?” 

Chuck snorted, looking surprised and slightly offended. “Aren’t you the one that used to complain that women are always pressured to get married, and maybe they shouldn’t if they don't want to?” He asked, almost complaining. 

Hannah laughed and put her hands up in her defense.

“I don’t mean it like that, Charles Grant! I just… I’m surprised a man like you, who does all this, isn’t at least dating someone,” she clarified. 

“I didn’t say I wasn’t dating someone,” he replied, without looking at her.

There it is! So, that’s what it's like to get your heart punched, huh? 

“Oh, yeah, I mean—Of course, sorry–,” Hannah added, suddenly stumbling upon her words as she felt her hands shake slightly. 

Chuck snorted again, this time a hearty laugh escaping his lips. 

“I’m not Hannah, I’m not seeing anybody at the moment,” he added, smiling as he moved the charcoal around the grill. 

Hannah had a rush of anger suddenly, wanting to throw something at him and yell you fucking asshole, I’m in love with you, do not do that to me!!!

But she held herself in, looking rather unphased, and just nodded disapprovingly. 

“I, well… I haven’t met the right woman, you know? I’ve seen some people, yeah. Babe set me up once with this redhead who could’ve been Malarkey’s sister for all I knew and it was going good at first but… Fuck, I was so bored!” he said, showing the annoyance in his face at the memory. “She was nice and all, but she was just… so fucking boring. She talked about her hair and stuff she does with her lady friends and she hated when I told stories about the war.”

Now it was Hannah’s turn to laugh. “She hated it? Why?”. 

“Who the fuck knows, maybe it was too g—ory for her, or she didn’t want to hear that one of the men was being called ‘Gonorrhea’. Hell, she didn’t even want to hear how I got the scar in my head or rather, the explanation of my slurring when I speak and my lack of strength on my left side,” Chuck said and sounded rather offended. 

“Someone has to either appreciate your scar and the sequels, or get the fuck out of your way,” Hannah said, approaching him with a beer in hand. “Don’t ever feel ashamed for that, Chuck, I’m not ashamed of having one ear, honestly. I think it’s pretty nice. Who can say that is different when their bodies are complete and in perfect state?”. 

“It’s boring, isn’t it?” he added.

“You and me, Chuck, are different. And that’s good. Toye and Guarnere have one less leg each, they’re fucking awesome too.” 

Hannah’s heart leaped at the sight of Chuck looking suddenly proud of himself, and when he looked at her to clink their bottles, she could’ve sworn that, if she had the ovaries, she would’ve kissed him right there and then.

///

After dinner and a few more laughs, Hannah called it a night. 

Her heart felt slightly heavy for not having dared to confess what she was there to do in the first place. 

“Well, my dear Grant, I have to head home,” she said, as she put plates down the water in sink. 

“Already?” Chuck replied, looking surprised.

“It’s almost ten in the night!” she exclaimed, drying her hands on a towel that hung from the oven door handle. 

“Want me to call you a cab? Lieb is probably still around working with his.” 

“No, don’t worry, I’ll walk. It’s fine,” Hannah replied, and started walking towards the door with Chuck on tow. 

Both stood on the porch, looking around the calm neighborhood. Hannah was feeling so ashamed of herself, slapping herself mentally every second that passed. 

“Well, Hannah, this was a great surprise,” Chuck started, breaking her thoughts for a moment, “we should do this more often, maybe with the guys, sometime, before winter leaves us secluded in our homes.” 

“Of course, but let’s not wait two years this time,” she replied, with a smile creeping up her lips, looking at him. God, how can someone dare be this good looking?

Chuck proceeded to hug her like when he opened the door past noon, when she showed up at his doorstep. Hannah reciprocated, and drowned herself once again in his cologne, not wanting to let go or stop feeling his hands around her body.

“See ya, Davis,” Chuck said as she walked down the steps and she took one last look at him before heading home. 

You fucking wuss, you fucking wuss, you fucking wuss, you fucking, pathetic     w—

“Hannah! Wait!” 

Chuck’s voice startled her as she was reaching the crossroad, when she turned around to find him running towards her. 

Her heart raced, wondering why the hell was he yelling at her for. Maybe she had forgotten something. Yeah, that’s all, I might have forgotten my… keys? 

“Hannah, wait, I… I have to tell you something and this can’t wait…” Chuck started as soon as he caught up to her. “Listen, this might sound weird but… a while ago I—you appeared in a dream of mine. You were talking to me after I got shot and you were begging me to not forget you.”

“Hannah, I took it upon myself to find you but I was meeting only dead ends, the Army wouldn’t help me so I had to… fuck, I had to find Winters and ask him for your information. God, that was embarrassing, but you know Winters, he didn’t hesitate to help. I had your address and phone numbers for months, but I never had the guts to go knock on your door… I thought you might have forgotten me, but… I never forgot about you,”

“I never forgot how we shared a foxhole during our hardest time. I never forgot how we slept in that bed and held hands in the dark. I never forgot how you took care of me when I had that one panic attack in Bastogne, and everything else,”

“What I mean, Hannah, is… I love you. I can’t date other women because they’re not you, and all I want is you. So… please, don’t leave. Not now. I couldn’t believe my eyes when you showed up at my door, fuck, I thought I was dreaming or dead. You had found me and I—,”

Before Chuck could follow through with his speech, Hannah took him by the face and kissed him. 

It was bruising, it was desperate and filled with love. Chuck wrapped his arms around her body, bringing her impossibly close to his body as her fingers found his hair. 

The anticipation was their favorite feeling. They both sensed how long they waited for that to happen, so they sank deeper into it. 

It went on for a few minutes, the night time seemed to have stopped for both, like everything had disappeared except for them. 

After they parted, both panting, their foreheads connected, Hannah opened her eyes and found Chuck’s cheeks stained with tear trails and that explained the salty taste in his lips. That made her smile widely as she still held his hand between hers. 

“Can you—do you want to s–spend the night with me?” Chuck asked, opening his eyes finally. 

Hannah just smiled widely, pecking his lips as she pulled him by the wrist towards his house.

///

Making love to someone you have craved for years makes the hours longer.

Both Hannah and Chuck were sure of that while the latter moaned loudly as Hannah rode him; his hands were bruising against her hips as she moved, holding herself in his shoulders, kissing him every now and again. 

Hannah never thought she would see Chuck like this. With sweat rolling down his forehead, his lips swollen and his eyes squeezed shut; to see his naked torso and his chest heaving up and down, which was covered in different scars that only made him even better looking in her opinion.

The man was almost ethereal in the dim light of his bedroom.

She enjoyed every bit of him as much as she could, like that could’ve been a fleeting figment of her imagination that she had to hold tight between her fingers before it could slip away. 

But reality brought her back when she felt the pain of his fingers digging into her hips. Hannah didn’t mind one bit.

She just loved to see how overwhelmed with pleasure he was, how he propped himself into his elbows, wrapping a hand around her bottom to carry both into the bed frame so he could sit and find her lips with his as he rode into his climax. 

Of course, Chuck being the gentleman he was, caring, he helped Hannah ride into hers, enjoying how she cried out his name loudly like it was the best song he had ever heard. 

///

Chuck’s fingers ran down Hannah’s bare shoulders, enjoying the dampness. It was soft, it was warm and it also a tad bit freckled. His fingertips followed down her arm until they met her face, that laid upon the back of her hands as she laid in her stomach. 

 Her eyes were closed but she was still awake. Hannah was just soaking on everything that happened through the day, and now, through the night, as the clock ticked into two in the morning. 

Chuck sat parallel to her, and his fingertips went all the way back to walk down her shoulder blades, into the deep line of her spine, meeting a few moles spread out here and there, which sent very slight tickles to the brunette. 

“I kind of can’t believe this just happened” he muttered, turning to lay his head on the small of her back. He could feel the vibration of the small laugh she let go at his comment.

“Me neither, Chuck… but I, uh… I have a confession, which I think will make you laugh,” Hannah replied.

“Do go on…” he replied.

“You told me you looked for my information with Winters, right?” Hannah asked.

“Right”.

“Well, when I looked for you too… I did the same,” she said and felt his head suddenly turn to her at her words, “and when I said your name, he gave me a weird look, but now I know it was a ‘I know something important about this that you don’t know’ look”. 

“So, wait, we l—ooked for each other in the past few months, and we did exactly the same shit?” he said, struggling slightly. 

Hannah heard the clicker of the lighter and looked back at him, lightning a cigarette with a shit eating grin sprawled upon his lips. 

“Exactly what I’m saying,” she replied, laying her head back down. 

“Another reason why I would like to marry you, then,” he added, like it was nothing.

What he didn’t notice was the speed in which Hannah’s eyes widened and her heart started thumping inside her rib cage. 

“I’m sorry?!” she asked, sounding a tad bit anxious. Chuck was never one to say rushed things like that. 

“The first reason is how powerful and relentless you were and still clearly are. You know how I know that?” he asked, and she could feel his smile still in his lips.

“No, how?”

“When you confronted Sobel before we went to Holland. Of course, I didn’t know at the moment the amount of feelings I had for you, but… I think I did have some of them roaming inside me,” Chuck said, like he was the one who stood up to Herbert Sobel, “but that was just plain hot,” he finalized, and turned to look at her; Hannah was just looking at him like he was crazy. 

The night before, everyone was cheering for their job. They were done, they were bound to the States and all the Easy Company wanted to do was drink and laugh. 

For everyone’s demise, Lipton announced how they were heading back into war, to Holland, killing the mood instantly. 

As the replacements were getting helped and guided by Bull, rather than Cobb, who could only brag about stuff he never ever did; Chuck was packing her stuff near Malarkey, Bill and Hannah. 

“I swear I thought by this time I was gonna be home, with a hundred in my pocket, flowers for my mama and nearing Christmas with my nieces and nephews” Malarkey said, fixing his bayonet. The rest scoffed, still bitter by the news.

“I miss the coffee from hometown, there’s this beautiful place in Hamstown Square, it’s very small and cozy, and the pastries are the most delicious I’ve ever had” Hannah said, looking like she was talking about the love of her life. 

“Guys, look!” Bull said, interrupting them, pointing to their right.

On a jeep, carrying some stuff behind it, sat Herbert Sobel, their former CO, the nightmare that trained them back in Toccoa. Hannah knew she didn’t train with him as much as the rest, but a year with that man was more than enough. 

“Fuck, no…” Hannah whispered so just the boys around her heard her “No, not him”.

“Don’t—Pretend he’s not here,” Malarkey said to her, tying the loose ends of her parachute to her shoulders as Skip came to them scowling like the rest. “Y’all too, do not look at him”. 

Neither obliged, all of them stared at the man passing by. 

“The hell is he doing here?” Skip wondered, without getting an answer.

Sobel walked in a straight line near the men as the truck behind his jeep unloaded, looking between the men with his usual air of superiority untouched. 

Unlucky for Hannah, he had met her eyes not too long after, and the man approached her, before the rest could make themselves scarce. 

“Still alive, uh… Davis?” Sobel asked, scowling at the brunette.

“Pretty much, sir. Still teaching at that school… somewhere?” she answered, provoking a few small gasps around her. Sobel scowl just deepened.

“Do not disrespect me with that tone, private” the taller man threatened, his jaw clenching tight. 

“Earn the respect, like you once taught us, and I won’t,” Hannah replied, her tone dripping with bitterness and irony. She felt a hand in her shoulder and knew one of the men was probably trying to calm her down. “You came here and act surprised that I’m still alive? No, I deserve more than that, sir”. 

“You shut your mouth right now, private! This—this is the reason why women shouldn’t be allowed in the army; they’re too emotional!” Sobel exclaimed, almost yelling to get attention, which only made Hannah even more furious.

“If you were in our command, if you were our leader, we would all be dead right now. Don’t you remember that drill we did back in England? Why do you think you were ‘promoted’? And no, I’m not scared of you, go write me up if you want to; Winters is south of the camp, third tent on the right. Colonel Sink is in the next tent to his, the fourth one,” Hannah felt like she couldn’t stop, her anger overcoming her; mountains of words and feelings that were accumulating, finally leaving her chest. 

Chuck couldn’t believe the words that came out of her. 

Everyone awaited without breathing for an answer, a yell from Sobel, something. But nothing came, he just scowled, breathed hard, and before anyone took a breath again, he turned around tight in his heel and left to the back of the truck. 

Hannah took a breath and turned around to finish prepping, when she found many of her fellow paratroopers smiling at her, some nodding in approval even. Johnny Martin crossed by her side, squeezing her arm, as he whispered a small “good one” for her. 

“I fucking hate him, that felt really good”, she said to Chuck, turning to adjust his jumpsuit. 

Chuck just stared at her, feeling hard to believe what just went through. Their former NCO was just bashed in front of everyone, and no one, not even one paratrooper came in his defense. 

His eyes roamed through her face as she fixed his suit and talked about something he wasn’t paying attention to. Suddenly, he was looking at her in a different way, one that would grow over time during the war.

///

The night caught up to Chuck and Hannah, both deep asleep on his bed. The brunette laid her head in his shoulder, on her side, while he was laid in his back, with his cheek against her forehead. 

Though around dawn, Chuck’s body started to shook. It came softly at first, just a few twitches, until it became a whole storm inside him. 

Hannah stirred up and saw how every muscle in his arms and chest were clenched, and he muttering something she couldn’t comprehend. Clearly, he was having a nightmares. The nightmares that seemed to never end, which felt like a punishment that everyone had to endure post war. 

The brunette placed her hands around his head as she whispered, “Chuck, Chuck, it’s okay, it’s just a dream, wake up, love, wake up.” 

His eyes shot open, looking terrified as he gasped for air, his hands fumbling to find her. 

“Hannah, Hannah!” He exclaimed, as he finally met her eyes. His body was shaking until he realized she was there, looking down at him, with a tired, disheveled smile. 

“It’s okay, love, I’m here, I’m here,” she replied, running her fingers through his hair, kissing his cheek before looking down at him again. 

The first light of the sun shining through the white curtains, illuminating both with such warmth it made Hannah’s heart swell. 

“I’m sorry, I’m s—sorry, Hannah, this still happens…” he explains, his hand tight on her side. 

But Hannah just smiles sweetly at him, “it still happens to me too, Chuck, it’s okay, there’s nothing to be sorry about,” she explains, admiring his deep blue eyes. 

“Can you… can you sing to me?” He asked, sounding almost embarrassed to ask for it. 

The touch of your lips upon my face

Your lips that are cool and sweet

Such tenderness lies in their soft caress

My heart forgets to beat

The touch of your hands upon my head

The love in your eyes, ashine

And now at last, the moment divine

The touch of your lips, the love in your eyes

The touch of your lips on mine

Chuck closed his eyes as her singing filled his ears. He haven’t felt peace like at that moment, not since the war. Hugging his mother, playing cards with his brothers or the men from the Company brought joy, but peace; peace came from Hannah, wearing his shirt, at dawn, singing to him. 

And it was the same for Hannah. 

Both knew the nightmares will continue to haunt them, and that their lives will go on, but at least, they were going to go through it together. 

And that was more than enough for them. ///

[alphonseelriic]

✦30 questions tag game✦

tagged by @celiabowens ​ and @erenjaegr ​ thank you guys <3 and sorry for taking so long (as always /lmao)

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag others

Name/Nickname: Sofi, Soff, Spofi/Spofs (a friend made a typo once while writting my name and it stuck lol) 

Gender: girl 

Star Sign: gemini (seems to have a really bad reputation but i don’t care)

Height: ok for the longest time i thought i was 170cm tall but i measured myself again a few days ago and i’m actually 169cm 😔 devastated 

Time: 1:21 am

Birthday: June 5th

Favorite Bands: ???? Rata Blanca maybe (looking at my blog you wouldn’t expect me to be into hard rock but here i am...)

Favorite Solo Artists: i don’t pay attention to artist at all but my favourite pop songs are usually by Gaga or Marina if that helps 

Song stuck in my head: due to the last question, now it’s G.U.Y, lol

Last Movie: I rewatched Klaus a few days before Christmas, next one will probably be Wolfwalkers or Soul

Last Show: Natsume Yuujinchou (season 1), if anime counts 😅

When did I create this blog: march 2013, but i nuked everything before 2016 (and i’m tempted to erase that year too...) 

What do I post: anime, animated movies, videogames, aesthetics, whatever gives me joy

Last thing googled: “nuked”, i know what it means but my anxiety makes me google everything before writting it, if not that then “ao no exorcist chapter 128″ 

Other blogs: i have a couple but i SUCK at maintaining them, so i would rather not share bc it’s embarrassing 

Do I get asks: a few when i reblog ask games, and i get some really sweet anons from time to time 🥰 (if you’re seeing this and you sent me one ily)

Why I chose my url: mine doesn’t mean anything hahaha it’s a combination of a nickname i used to have in a forum maaany years ago + the name of a naruto oc a friend made for me when we were 11, it sounds cute so it stayed

Following: 490 (many inactive ones tho)

Followers: 1374, it’s not much but it’s honest work 

Average hours of sleep: i’m currently on vacations which means my sleeping schedule is in shambles, but usually arround 7 hours 

Instruments: learning to play the sweet flute in middle school counts? /wheeze

What am I wearing: summer pijamas, which consists of an old sleeveless shirt and some eeyore shorts a family member brought from disneyland in the 90s :p

Dream job: eeehhh idk man, my career doesn’t have many options so in a library or publishing house. 

Dream trip: Greece, Austria, Thailand and Japan

Favorite food: ravioli, empanadas, anything as long as it has chimichurri

Nationality: argentine (or argentinian??? idk i just call it bananaland at this point)

Favorite song: Mujer amante, Rata Blanca (i love rock ballads yes i have the musical taste of a 40yo man i’m sorry)

Last book read: Pride and prejudice! Currently reading one called Alhambra

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: animal crossing, atla, any ghibli movie

tagging: everyone and their grandma did this already, but @zuura @kanao @sadaharus @toya @himetsundere @yuki-souma (only if you want to/feel free to ignore! and sorry if you’ve been already tagged)

[oc-growth-and-development]

on self-inserts, cliches, and writing for fun

I get asked a lot about how to write interesting and unique characters and how to avoid the “dreaded” self-inserts and Mary Sues. Obviously, writing unique OCs is rewarding in its own way, but it’s definitely not the only way to enjoy writing, especially if your main goal with writing is to have fun. Might be hypocritical for a prompt blog to argue this, but so-called self-inserts, cliches, and Mary Sues are fun to write, actually. In fact, allowing myself to be “uncreative” helped me redevelop my love for writing and break through my years-long writing block.

(ruminations on how I learned to enjoy writing again, some advice, and backstory under the cut cause hoo boy y’all didn’t sign up for this)

So this is by no means an original ~hot take~, but something I didn’t actually take to heart until fairly recently. And to be perfectly clear, this is just about what works for me and specifically about writing for your own enjoyment, not necessarily for publication. This is not something that everyone will agree with, but I’m sure at least some of you will agree and/or need to hear this.

For most of my writing career, I wrote with the assumption that someone would read my work eventually. Submitting fiction to literary magazines, writing essays for class and articles for work, discussing worldbuilding with writing buddies, etc. I love getting constructive criticism on my writing and all (I always tell my editors to just absolutely rip it apart lmao), but it screwed with my enjoyment of writing as a whole. My motivation to write was the gratification of knowing that other people liked my work, and I tricked myself into thinking that I liked what I wrote because other people liked it.

So when college happened and sapped the creativity right out of my system along with time and energy, I lost all motivation to write. I felt like I was competing with much better writers and that my ideas were too embarrassingly basic to share. I tried too hard to make my characters and plots “interesting” and “smart” to the point where they were no longer relatable nor realistic. (side note: my quest to avoid this is a large part of why I started this blog. Yay, backstory!) 

It took a few false starts, but for the past several months, I’ve managed to consistently write most days and even look forward to writing, a feeling I hadn’t felt in AGES. How, you may ask? Well, I started writing out my cheesy daydreams! I have a cast of characters and a basic plot that have been ruminating in my brain since around middle school. Here’s the thing about this particular plot: it’s full of cliches and plot holes, the main character is an obvious self-insert, and the supporting cast is two-dimensional at best. Left in its original iteration, it’s objectively not a story I would want to read, let alone show other people. But I figured that, hey, if I’ve had this silly story in my head for half my life, I might as well write it down. It’s not like I have to show anyone anyway.

That became Rule #1: Don’t show people your unfinished writing. This one rule took a little bit to internalize for me, but once I managed it, it changed how approached the creative process. I became less obsessed with how “good” my writing was and focused more on my own enjoyment of writing. Knowing no one could ever judge what I was writing gave me the freedom to write whatever the hell I wanted, which interestingly, actually boosted my creativity. I still brainstorm a bit with friends in hypothetical terms and there is a slight chance I might show them when it’s complete if I’m comfortable enough, but for now, I am working with the expectation that no one will ever read this, and it feels so liberating.

Then comes Rule #2: Don’t be afraid to write about yourself. I injected so much of myself into my new stories, something I was scared of doing in the past for fear of someone extrapolating some deep, dark secret about me by reading it. I gave a voice to the (many) insecurities and the (sometimes embarrassing) fantasies I have, and I don’t have to worry about anyone learning about them. It’s oddly therapeutic. One example: When I was a repressed middle schooler, I struggled with letting my self-insert have a romantic relationship with a female OC. I still believe the act of making the relationship “canon” in my daydreams is the moment I accepted that I was bisexual. Nowadays, my OCs are all essentially personifications of some fracture of my personality, whether it be actual, perceived, feared, or aspirational.

And finally, Rule #3: Tropes are tropes for a reason. I get it, as writers, we try to avoid cliches at all costs (like the plague, if you will) (and before someone says anything, I know tropes ≠ cliches. I’m just using them interchangeably here). But when you’re writing solely for fun, do you really have to worry about how “original” your story is? I’m not suggesting to straight up plagiarize a pre-existing story and publish it, claiming full credit. What I mean is, say, you want to write a love triangle where the mc has to choose between a tall/dark/handsome newcomer and gentle childhood best friend. Cliche? Definitely. But should that stop you from fitting your OCs in those roles if that’s how you wanna envision it? Of course not! It’s a popular trope not necessarily because it’s a lazy plot device, but because lots of people enjoy this particular dynamic and the drama it causes. It’s a cliche and it’s interesting; the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Not all tropes are everyone’s cup of tea, but you don’t have to cater to them. Pour your own tea.

You don’t have to agree with my opinions and my rules to writing for fun. I am by no means an expert, but I think we can all benefit from shifting the focus from what you think your readers want to read to what you actually want to write. With NaNoWriMo coming up, I hope this will help with at least some of your motivation. I know it has helped mine!

TL;DR: Be self-indulgent. You’d be surprised at what you can come up with when you don’t have to worry about impressing other people.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[mcyt-kalopsia]

Sweet Hibiscus Tea

If you don’t know the inspiration for this writing, it’s called Sweet Hibiscus Tea by Penelope Scott! LMAO I decided my first Dream writing would be fluffy don’t mind me.

Also if you notice I only ever use Natalia, I promise I only do this for non-requests and ideas for my fanfic. Not sure who I’ll pair her with yet so I’m trying things out for now.

Warnings: Nothing! This is a very fluffy fic despite the lyrics of this song lol

Theme: A fluffy little adventure! 

Characters: Natalia/Nattums (OC), Dream

“C’mon, Nattums! Let’s go!” Dream was beaming at the female, who was trying to get her supplies as quickly as she could. “You take so long! Do you want to see this place or not?” Though his voice was teasing, lilting slightly, it still made Natalia pick up the pace. Closing the last chest, she grinned back at him, sprinting over. 

“Yeah, let’s go already,” Natalia complains, grabbing onto one of his hands. Chuckling, Dream pulls the female along a little path away from the usual path they took into the little town that they and their friends all shared. The path grew dark, this area filled with trees that blocked the afternoon’s sun. “Where are we even going..?” She wondered aloud, earning a mischievous little grin from the man.

The two came across a river, and Dream stopped. Natalia peeked ahead from behind Dream, her eyes a bit wide. There was a detailed bridge built here, and for a moment Natalia believed that Dream had hired maybe Phil, or someone else to build this. 

Almost reading her mind, he laughs and speaks up, “Yes, I built it myself.” He turns around to look at her, resting a head on top of her head, slightly mussing her dark brown locks. “Anyway, let’s keep going. I just figured we could stop to admire my work,” He adds, smirking proudly, the ends of his mouth slightly pulled upward. 

They continued slower this time, taking the time to look around at the dense greenery in this forest. The trees start to thin out, until finally they come up to a clearing with a gigantic tree right in the middle. In this big tree was an impressive-sized treehouse, a faint glow coming from inside of it. Natalia couldn’t even speak, she was absolutely amazed with this place. 

“Yes, I also built this,” Dream says quickly, which earns him a slight laugh from his girlfriend, which made his smile widen. How he loved to hear her delightful little dove-soft laughs, and see the way she smiled so bright that it felt like a rivalry to the sun. He gently pulled her up to the ladder, motioning for her to climb first. He follows quickly, looking up at Natalia, who held out a hand to help him the rest of the way up. He took it gratefully, and with their combined effort, he was up on the floor. Intertwining his fingers with hers, he leads her through the house to show her around. 

“This is really nice. I’m very impressed, Dream.” She turns to look at Dream, who looks so proud that he might burst. “How long did this take you to make, anyway?” He just shrugs, a little embarrassed by how long it took. It didn’t matter to him; it looked good, and Natalia was even impressed by it. “It’s very pretty. Thank you for showing this to me. This could really help with hunting, and being safe at night.” She beams, and Dream’s heart throbs almost painfully. She’s so sweet. What the Hell... how did I get so lucky? He laughed softly.

“You’re cute, Nat.”