#the first time it was malicious and it made me very very paranoid

[zmbienoir]

lowkey nervous to post rn cause someone i have blocked FOR SURE has access to this account and has relayed information to my ex.

[cup-o-stars]

Relativity Falls Lore Concept- The Oracle and Bill

The Oracle:

I was initially inspired by the Twitter user @SUwu159's depiction of the Oracle in their take on Relativity Falls, and made my own adaptation as I learned about her in canon.

(Assume she can change colors because I couldn't pick what I liked most)

This version of The Oracle isn't malicious per se, and does not desire the same conquest or chaos sought out by Bill. But she likes universes to be organized and quaint (or answers to another high power that demands it), and finds fulfillment in achieving these goals through any means necessary.

The Oracle and Dipper:

(Sorry if this dialogue tastes like a corndog in your mouth. I just needed to write a semi-resolution to Dipper's side of the relationship, ha.)

Getting into the real struggle with the Pines family. Dipper and Mabel don't fight and hold grudges like the Stans (that we've seen of), so my opinion is that they drifted apart in their late teens and twenties, both feeling pressured to be less attached at the hip. My current belief (though I'm very willing to rewrite this section) is that Mabel and Dipper both poured a lot of energy into pretty niche fields, and being very busy meant very short and rare windows to reach out. Both assumed the other was doing bigger and better things and felt self conscious / childish for wanting eachother's company.

I'm still considering Mabel's backstory, since I think she probably hit lower points than Dipper. You know. Starving artist, lol. But Dipper entered into paranormal investigation, pest control, etc. before his ghost + monster catching went far enough for his name to gain some notoriety. Hell, maybe Pacifica's family reached out to him to take care of "rats" that were actually ghosts, cementing his interest in Gravity Falls and giving him a window inter supernatural work.

Dipper was taken on as something of an apprentice to the Oracle 30ish years before canon as word of his good and dangerous deeds spread. However, what was at first a personal dream come true (saving lives with nerd magic) soon became a personal hell as the Oracle began to overwhelm Dipper with knowledge of various futures and universes where everything he cared about could be destroyed. He's always been over prepared and incredibly paranoid, and became obsessed with protecting the world by acting as a partner to the Oracle.

He ends up doing- or not doing- a lot of morally ambiguous things and gaining a lot of enemies. He is too ashamed to face his family- especially Mabel- with what he's done and burden them, giving the Oracle more to use against him to keep him working for her. Basically "you've already done all this and risked it all, there's nowhere to go if you stop now." Eventually this ends in her seeing him fit for her work and convincing him to hide out in and save other universes, which he gets trapped doing for the next three decades.

Little throw away idea: Pacifica could have been an investor or partner, but left as they uncovered secrets about the Northwest family. Maybe she wanted to undo something (debating making any of the Oracle's powers time related just because I hate time travel) or stop a current show of corruption, but Dipper had to stop her for the "greater good."

In the main universe, Mabel goes to Gravity Falls upon news of her brother's disappearance, searching for any loose end to trace back to him.

I love that in canon, Dipper is willing to do anything for Mabel, and Mabel gives it back. Dipper here spends all of his life keeping as many versions of her as safe as he can, and she spends all her life trying go seek him out- maybe even dropping a larger opportunity outside of Gravity Falls for her art and settling on business at the shack. Dipper wants Mabel alive, Mabel wants them both happy. I like the idea that it's Dipper and Mable vs. The Future but the future is a demon, alien thing.

Which leads me to...

Bill Cipher:

I'm actually gonna cover a couple versions of Bill I think are fitting for this AU, because I initially wasn't sure if I wanted him here at all.

Child Bill:

Pretty straight forward. Bill as a baby, child thing is tempting and this is the au where he'd exist. Personally though, I think Ford's friendship with Fidds would be more enriching to his growth, and Bill's personality is so close to Stan's they would likely be competing to fill very similiar roles. (If Bill behaves differenty as kid, I don't know about it.) Honestly, Bill is super similiar to Ford and Stan, and works better as a kind of foil or antagonist because of that (imo). I do find the mental image of Ford carrying Bill around funny. I do not enjoy human bill like, conceptually, so I'm probably never gonna design one as an adult or child, lol.

It would be cool to see a world where Bill didn't accidentally kill his parents though.

Bill - Reincarnated Original

Technically I guess they could all be reincarneted (especially baby Bill), but this version of Bill experienced and holds memories of the original canon events in GF. Beings like Bill and the Oracle can remember recent/soon approaching lives, and catch glimpses of more distant cycles as well.

What I like about Bill's recent role as an antagonist to Ford and Stan is that he constantly describes them in the terms of their worst traits, and sees them through the lens of the roles the world placed on them. In this AU, Bill is the epitome of the past (in this case a past life) coming back to bite the twins. He rattles their progress in communication as well as their sense of inner peace by bringing old Glass Shard Beach issues into Gravity Falls.

(Depicted here-> moments after Ford summons Bill using the same ritual as Gideon.)

The drawback to this is that it feels a lot like covering old ground.

Simply Bill:

This is pretty much just regular old Bill with the same fresh perspective as everyone else, and also the one I'm going with. He tried and failed to get Dipper's trust in the past and had to lay low at the arrival of the Oracle. Once they left, Bill targeted Mabel. I think it could be very interesting for Mabel and Bill to either have a fresh relationship wherein Bill is actively taking advantage of her desperation to find Dipper, or for Bill to be an old betrayal (not romantic, but not dissimilar to the opportunistic exes Stan and Ford have to be wary of and beat back under the rug regardless).

Either he shows himself to Mable early on, or decides that Gravity Falls is both Oracle-free and worth the time after either Ford or Mable summon him. Afterall, 30 years isn't much to him.

Maybe he exists in the background like he's always done, or the kids (being snoopy and disrespectful of Mabel's secrets) discover what Mabel's doing and run into him on their own.

Whether Bill is aware of the original series or not, I think he could be neat to stick in between Stan and Ford again for conflict. My favorite aspect about Relativity Falls is the prospects of the Stans having a larger support system and better tools to help themselves with. Beating Bill faster and better would be the ultimate testament to Mabel and Dipper's skills as functioning role models, even if Mabel is currently blinded by her focus on Dipper.

Stan and Ford will fight and they will make up, but this time maybe they can overcome it on their own.

I also think a good idea is having Ford and Stan's issues be completely Bill free (outside of like an episode or two's worth of relevance, unless he put them into a particularly stinging situation). It would feel fresher and also streamline the plot, lol.

Overview:

- Dipper is stuck travelling the multiverse with the Oracle and keeps himself sane by thinking of Mabel and protecting various versions of her.

- Mabel is investigating his disappearance in Gravity Falls and is working on a portal/portal equivalent with Bill to bring him back.

- The kids may or may not be aware of this.

Looking at the main series of events, I think it'd be neat go back to the apprenticeship conflict, where Ford could be approached by the Oracle (or something else that makes sense) with the promise of being a "hero," but knows better now because of Dipper and his experiences with Bill. It's kind of a more convoluted version of Ford's proposal to Dipper in canon, and they basically learn the same thing, lol. You can hang out with ghosts if you want, but demons are gonna get you. Maybe being a child with siblings is all you need.

(Stan could also be offered this, given the Oracle already knew he- or at least someone with his face- would beat Bill, but I think it's well established he isn't very interested in doing anything without family.)

All in all, things might be a bit crowded with two antagonists. But I do like the concept of Bill's arrival and subsequent chaos triggering Dipper and the Oracle's return to Mabel's dimension. I also love the idea of Bill, the Oracle, and some secret third thing all trying to pull the Pines family apart, and it's like a Man vs. God turned into a Family vs. Destiny thing, idk. Just trying to make it feel bigger.

Thank you for reading all this. It was a lot to draw. Next time I do anything for Relativity Falls, I'm gonna go back to the smaller things like Mabel bonding with the kids and stuff like that.

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Out of all the siblings, legolas is the slowest to anger (this is a hc about my au). Unless you legitimately do something to piss him off, like put his loved ones in danger, he will take everything in stride with an air of nonchalance. It’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that he’s immortal and thinks it’s way to exhausting to get mad at every little thing. Especially given the circumstances of him growing up in greenwood/mirkwood where there’s always something happening.

As a result, on the quest legolas comes across as very casual about the quest to those who don’t know him. Bc on one hand, yeah it’s an important task, but on the other hand he isn’t really afraid or interested in fucking up bc he let his emotions get out of control.

Besides, outside of Aragorn, Legolas liked the questers well enough, but not to the point where he’d rage at someone threatening them. That changed more over time, obviously, but the fact of the matter is that in the beginning he would have sacrificed any of the walkers, minus aragorn, in a heart beat if it meant succeeding. Thankfully, he isn’t so paranoid or malicious that he felt he would need to, so he just stayed the nice, casual, chill elf he is throughout the quest.

I cannot stress enough how, on one hand, yes, legolas knew and thought the quest and subsequent battles important, on the other hand: fuck it, it’s just a normal day for him. What’s one more battle?

Not enough troops? Outnumbered? Dirty and tired and hopeless? Well damn, that’s happened so often at that point he doesn’t bat an eye.

Legolas is intimately familiar with the death and despair the likes of sauron causes, so he chooses the act positive, he chooses to be casual and happy. He’s not oblivious to the growing shadow, he just refuses to let sauron dictate his life any more than he already is.

It does result him in looking very flighty to his cowalkers though.

*at aragorn and Arwen’s wedding*

Faramir, musing: you know, legolas is much less serious than i would have thought an elf to be. He’s a very light hearted and happy individual and i don’t think i’ve seen him mad at all during the time that i’ve known him. Even during the battles against sauron.

Silvan elf, who overheard him: no one’s managed to piss him off in over a century, and that’s a good thing. Trust me, that’s not an elf who’s temper you want to test, because once you do, it’s quite terrifying.

Eomer, approaching them: really? Because i know i made him mad when i had threatened gimli during our first encounter on the plains.

Silvan: *snorting* trust me, if he actually felt threatened, he’d have lobbed your head off before you even finished drawing your weapon. It’s just a good thing it wasn’t one of his siblings on this quest instead of him. The rest of them are not only 10 times as quick to anger, but are also a lot more vicious and deadly.

Faramir: is that so?

Silvan: yeah, don’t get me wrong, legolas is definitely strong even for most elves, but his family’s just straight up made up of monsters, and he is the weaker one. Not weak, just the weakest of that family.

[androgynouspenguinexpert]

Hello! Fellow English child here lmao. I was wondering if you'd be interested in sharing your thoughts on Cutie?? I really like the way you think :D

If not, no worries, and have a nice day!

*cracks knuckles*

i would like to preface the following rant with the blanket statement that people are products of their environment. how you are treated affects the way you treat others.

cutie is the first real example i can think of (from here in the shallow end of the asmr paddle pool) in which the listener is placed in the role of the abuser in a relationship. and i don't want to mince words - i believe cutie was emotionally manipulative and abusive, and the series treats that with an appropriate amount of weight and respect.

i also think that cutie, like geordi, displays a great deal of insecurity, and expresses it by being controlling rather than as geordi's avoidance. listener backstories are left up in the air to allow for people to put on the mask of the character, save for a handful of small and usually inconsequential details (see darlin's fling with quinn, ollie's partner having a rocky relationship with their family, etc) - but i agree with the people saying that cutie probably comes from a similarly emotionally manipulative environment.

telepathy is a super compelling wrench in geordi and cutie's already unstable relationship. thoughts are (to us, anyway) as private as you can get. literally nobody has to know what's going on in your head if you don't want them to. that's why i think cutie's repeated breaches of geordi's trust make me and i think a lot of others extra uncomfortable - the idea of someone being able to hear everything you think at any time with no warning is terrifying! cutie cites wanting to know what geordi is 'really' thinking, but geordi is 100% correct in the assertion that bypassing the filter of what's in someone's head versus what comes out of their mouth is essentially skipping over their personality entirely. i think that cutie's environment (whether that be upbringing, a past relationshop, or something else) has made them somewhat paranoid of people keeping true feelings from them. this means they're a lot more likely to pry, seeking 'the truth' of what geordi thinks of them, unable to take his word for it.

personally, i find that cutie is the most distinct Character out of the listener group - not just because they're multifaceted, but because they go against the grain of what most of the audience expect from a pov character. i know i'm not the only person who was incredibly disappointed in cutie listening in on geordi's thoughts after their argument about that exact topic - and that's good drama! it takes a lot of talent and incredibly good writing to build a compelling character that never has a single line of dialogue, let alone conflicts between that character and others around them.

geordi, and by extension the narrative, acknowledge that cutie isn't a bad person. they're not trying to be malicious, but they end up hurting the people they care about because they don't know any other way to maintain control over their life. i find it very refreshing that cutie is not being treated as a villain or as an innocent bystander. they hurt geordi by repeatedly crossing a hard boundary, and he's justifiably upset. however, cutie (presumably after trying to direct that controlling insecure behaviour at something or someone else and failing) does seek outside help to start to work those learned behaviour knots loose.

geordi and cutie's story doesn't have a villain. neither of them are The Bad Guy, and even geordi acknowledges that they're both partially to blame for the shaky foundation of their relationship. even without a voice, i believe that cutie has potential for a really strong character arc where they learn to examine the reasoning behind their actions instead of trying to maintain a death grip on every aspect of their life.

so the moral of the story is... maybe listen when someone sets a boundary. it'll save you a lot of trouble.

[mixingpumpkins]

God forbid there are colors

Literally.

I’m begging y’all celebrating Pride to be as loud and proud as you can, not just because you deserve to celebrate, but because people in churches are full of the most paranoid, self-centered idiocy about it to the point where I got woken up unnecessarily early today for an “emergency” to cater to said idiocy. And if I have to hear paranoid screaming about Pride first thing in the morning, you’re damn right I want everyone to have the biggest, loudest, most joyful Pride month yet.

Context: Among my side gigs, I’m webmaster for a few churches’ websites, because a paycheck’s a paycheck, it’s not too demanding of my time, and my work is the reason they have all their sermons and events live-streamed/archived on their sites every week in case, y’know, they’re ever saying shit that might involve someone looking into their tax-exempt status.

I usually set up all the back-end video streaming stuff on Saturday and try to use a topical picture from our photo subscription as a background for both the video thumbnail and the post thumbnail. As requested, I also try to post the service bulletins along with the videos, but one pastor has a habit of not sending me the bulletin before my midnight-the-night-before deadline, so at that point it’s agreed that I’ll just use a seasonal nature picture as the thumbnail photo and upload the bulletin whenever I get around to it on Sunday. (Most of the photos for that church, consequently, end up being nature photos.)

This morning, Housemate #2 — who is on a million committees in that church with Housemate #1 — comes screaming into my room at ass o’clock, telling me I need to fix the website now, the pastor even contacted her about it, etc. etc. (I don’t believe her because she said she couldn’t show me a text or email because she “deletes them immediately” — and also the pastor emailed me the bulletin/notes to add to the post long after the post was already up yesterday and didn’t say a word about any fixes needed.)

Y’all. She was mad because the image on this week’s post was a “rainbow.” To be clear, it was this: 

So of course, I’m like, “...??? It’s a field of flowers.” Because it’s a field of flowers that’s colorful, but pretty damn clearly not a rainbow. 100% wasn’t even on my radar as rainbow — my search term in our image subscription was “summer.” (Housemate even went to a flower festival a few weeks ago and hinted that I should use a very similar photo that she took the next time I needed a nature pic for this church’s video thumbnail.)

But she’s insisting this picture is basically a rainbow and they can’t have anything that looks like Pride and how could I do this, I clearly did this on purpose, change it now to something that can’t be misconstrued, etc.

Fine. Wake me up, invade my space, scream, be bigoted, falsely accuse me of malicious intent ... Cue malicious compliance.

She’s hovering over me as I open up the church’s image subscription and all the places I need to go change settings and whatever to update the site. I conspicuously type in “summer” so she can see that this pops up among totally inappropriate ones like beach balls and kids playing in sprinklers. I point it out to her and start scrolling through the images to find a different nature pic. She tries to point out other ones.

“Use that one.”

“I’ve already used that one.” (Just a few weeks ago, in fact. They do not want repeat images.)

“What about that one?” She points to a different field of flowers that is actually the lesbian flag. Like, actually, obviously the lesbian flag. Housemate is not up on these things because she is too pure to know such sordid details; she only knows rainbows = gay = bad. As funny as this would be, I guarantee there would actually be screaming from people if I posted a literal lesbian pride flag made of flowers instead of a random colorful field of flowers, so I decide to save myself a little trouble and point out the issue.

“Lesbian pride flag.”

“This one?”

“Too small.” (I pull it up on the canvas and resize, to demonstrate that it turns into unintelligible pixel hell.)

“Here. These are flowers. They’re pink, yellow, and blue.”

“That is literally the pan pride flag.”

“What the hell is that?”

“Pansexual. Pride. Flag.” I pull up a picture of that so she can see.

“Well, it’s Trinity Sunday, search for that instead.”

I do. There’s a few too-small pictures of doves and a bunch of triskele and triquetra knots. She points to one of those. “There. The Trinity symbol. Use that.”

“That’s a pagan symbol. I wouldn’t want that to be misconstrued.” Incidentally, I point out, as I open the middle-of-the-night email with the bulletin boasting a similar picture, someone should probably remind the pastor about that since he’s so worried about people misinterpreting images as something non-Christian.

She’s grinding her teeth at this point. “That’s different. That has words [Father, Son, Holy Spirit] around it.”

“It’s still a very recognizable appropriated pagan symbol. Or would you be fine posting a swastika just because it has different words around it?”

We go back to nature photos.

“Try this one.”

“That’s really close to the bi pride flag, you know.”

“HERE. THIS ONE.”

Very thick pale pink and white flowers ... under a blue sky. Hmm. Looks very much like the trans pride flag, if I’m honest. She’s pissed, and housemates are going to be late for church soon.

“There. Those white daisies.”

“Yeah, we can do that, but you should know this picture does look like the agender pride flag if you’re just glancing at the colors.”

“I don’t care. I don’t know what that is. Nobody normal knows what that is, they’re not going to misconstrue it.”

“Hmm, I don’t know, since apparently that was the issue with the first picture, but I’ll use this one.” I upload it and fix all the things that need to be fixed on various platforms for everything to update. She stomps out and I go back to sleep.

Five minutes later she’s back, waving her phone in my face. “YOU DIDN’T CHANGE THE PICTURE! IT’S STILL THE RAINBOW PICTURE! CHANGE IT NOW!”

This is two times I’ve been given a mini-heart attack this morning by someone barging into my space while I’m trying to sleep, and she’s lucky she hasn’t gotten maced on instinct. “You watched me change the picture. Clear your browser cache.”

“I don’t know how to do that. Change the picture!”

I grab my laptop again, go to the website, and show her the picture is changed. I rattle off an explanation of why she needs to clear her phone’s browser cache, which I have given her several times before, and remind her she’s late. She blanks out at anything tech-talk and leaves. Totally looking forward to getting more screaming about this later. 🙃

You know, that “rainbow” picture was 100% an honest mistake, but I think part of this week’s pay from that church specifically is going to go to an actual rainbow shirt from an LGBT-owned shop. ✌️

[asleep-in-the-keep-sideblog]

Asleep In The Keep: A DP x BNHA fic

Summary: Danny makes an exciting discovery

Word count: 2297

Chapter 18: That’s Convenient

18/?

Danny walked into the night afterwards. He still had no direction in mind, so instead followed the tug in his chest. The night air was cold and crisp and he felt at peace. Although he couldn’t feel the air come into his lungs, he still remembered how it felt and so he was able to feel it. Ectoplasm was a collection of memories and feelings after all. It wasn’t as good as the real thing, but being as he was now, he was able to accept the phantom feeling of being alive and breathing. Hehe. Phantom. It seemed he was able to move forward again and use comedy as a coping mechanism. Little victories.  

The city was quiet, save for a few people walking home. Most of them looked dead inside (same) from their stressful jobs, but there were others (usually younger) who still seemed pretty awake. One such pair were two heroes doing a patrol. One, presumably a guy, had a helmet made of wood, and similarly fashioned accessories. The other was a blonde woman with purple horns wearing a form-fitting suit. Danny wasn’t sure what her theme was, but her costume was well designed overall and had a nice color scheme. They walked side by side with their steps synched, which meant they were at least familiar with each other. The tree guy (or Groot as Danny will now be calling him) kept talking to her, but she didn’t really seem interested, and she looked straight ahead, ignoring him. She made eye contact with Danny, which was awkward since he felt like now he couldn’t look away without being awkward. They were going to pass by soon anyway, so Danny just held her gaze. Eventually, she passed him, and Danny nodded his head at her, politely, not sure what else to do. 

They hadn’t gotten very far before Danny heard the woman whisper to her partner, “That kid gives me the creeps…” She must’ve thought Danny wouldn’t be able to hear her. Unfortunately for her, Danny’s ears were able to pick it up. He turned around to look at her, still kinda shocked. Yeah people called him creepy behind his back, but that was after at least talking to him first. She noticed him and just stared at him like she had before, but with clear intent behind her eyes. Danny made a visibly confused face at her and shrugged his shoulders in an over dramatic fashion, then turned away. Some people…

Danny didn’t let that stop him from his wandering. He started kicking a pebble in front of him, following where it landed and kicking it again. He thought back to the weird guy. Everything about that situation was sketchy, but Danny didn’t get a weird vibe from the man …well he did, but it wasn’t a bad weird just …weird? Danny didn’t feel like he was in danger, not like an old man like that could hurt him, but the wrongness of it all nagged at him. He wasn’t giving off malicious intent, he just seemed annoyed out of everything. Which was fair since Danny did interrupt…whatever was going on. Besides all that, could Danny even trust how he feels about the situation? He has been in dangerous situations before without feeling something was off and vice versa. This world could just be making him paranoid, like with the hero from before. Could Danny even trust himself? He didn’t know what to feel. 

Danny kicked the pebble harder this time and it clattered into an alleyway with a soft slash. He followed in without thinking. Immediately the atmosphere changed. Somehow, the air felt more fresh, despite the smell, and Danny felt it flow through his body. He felt more energized and even his core was vibrating with the energy. He cautiously walked further into the alley, not used to the level of ectoplasm in the air. It wasn’t enough to trigger his ghost sense yet, but it was higher than anything he felt in this world (excluding the boy, he still couldn’t wrap his head around that). It was like splashing in a puddle when you’re used to the ocean. The surroundings started to look familiar too. It was nothing in the alley itself, no trash bag or box stood out to him, but rather the feeling of the alley. With sudden clarity Danny realized this was the alley with the portal…

Danny walked deeper in, waving his arms around like he was treading underwater. There was more ectoplasm here than there was before, and it felt thick between his fingers, like a liquid cleaner. It was awkward with human clothes on, like wearing long sleeves that kept unfolding when you’re trying to do something. He unzipped the hoodie and tied it around his waist. He didn’t want to get it dirty by putting it on the ground and have to get a new one. This was the safest option. He continued the motion again. He was able to hear people walking past the alleyway, and shut down the feeling of being embarrassed. Danny doubted anyone would be waltzing in anytime soon. Most people naturally avoided areas with abundant ectoplasm. Bad vibes. His fingers briefly pass through a thicker glob of ectoplasm and it reverberated through Danny’s body as if he hit his funny bone. The Portal. He shakes the hand that hit the portal, but it still felt tingly. As luck would have it, it was his left arm and his scars were even reacting to the hit. 

He walked closer to the portal. He lifted his right arm up and traced from where it started to where it ended. It still felt tingly, but in a softer, gentaler way. Like it was saying hi. It had gotten longer since he had last felt it. That wasn’t the only thing that changed. Before it felt like an itch under the skin, but now felt like a raised scar. He put his palm against it and felt it moving or maybe throbbing from the otherside. It was growing. That’s why there was so much ectoplasm in the alley, the portal was leaking. It wasn’t stable enough to keep open, but it wasn’t stable enough to keep completely close. But that still didn’t make sense, Where was it getting the energy to grow? His first thought would be the Ghost Zone, but if that's all it took then portals would be everywhere. It needed energy from here, from this world. Maybe it was coming from him? Maybe it knew how badly he wanted to get home and so kept trying to force itself to open? Danny remembered how intune he felt with the Ghost Zone after he left the Keep. Maybe it wanted him back? That didn’t seem right either. Very few ghosts were able to make portals, and even then they had to be intentional. Danny wasn’t consciously willing the portal to open. The only times he was thinking of the portal was when he was trying to find the damn thing. 

Danny stepped back to get a better view of the portal, although that didn’t help since it was invisible. He let his human disguise wash off him like he was putting down a bag of groceries. It felt disrespectful to the portal somehow. Danny didn’t know what he was gonna do. He spent half his time looking for the thing but he never came up with a plan for when he did. He lifted off of the ground and sat criss-crossed staring at it, a frown resting on his face. He really had no idea what to do. A weird feeling came over him and Danny realized he felt…better. Like physically (spectorly?) better. More energized. He moved his hand through the air again and remembered what he was floating in. Pure ectoplasm, straight from the Ghost Zone. From one of his many deep pockets, Danny pulled out the Fenton Thermos™. He had other handy things like extra Fenton Earphones™, goggles that the suit came with that he never wore, and other little gadgets and parts. Danny fired up the thermos and sucked up the leaking ectoplasm, careful to not get the portal or himself. It would be bad if this were to affect the environment. He may not be the smartest, but he was resourceful. With this, he might be able to collect enough ectoplasm to open the portal. It was also a good pick-me-up for Danny. That could be why he’s been so weird here. He was already feeling better. There was still some residual ectoplasm in the air, but it should be gone soon with Danny absorbing it. Oh my god is that why that guy's tongue melted??? Danny had the theory that it was his separated ectoplasm hungry and seeking food, but he really feels this confirms it. 

Danny held his hand in front of his face and watched as it slowly melted. He wasn’t used to the sensation yet, having never been able to do this back in Amity except for emergencies. He let some of it fall and it floated around him like a satellite. He didn’t have anything to test it on, so it just bobbed around him. He looked around absently and found a dead rat off to the side. It looked pretty fresh, most of its hair and flesh was still intact, but Danny spotted a gash where bugs were able to burrow in. Danny felt slightly disgusted, but not enough to turn away. Sam would probably give the rat a burial, she’s done it before with the frogs. The blob, seemingly reading his mind, floated down over the body, hesitating. Danny nodded, both to himself and the blob. It fell onto the dead creature with a splat, and the rat looked like it was encased in jello. Don’t melt, don’t melt, don’t melt. For a second nothing happened. Then another. Danny sat watching, waiting for the goo to liquefy the animal, but still nothing happened. He let out a reflexive sigh of relief, and the blob floated back toward him. 

A dark thought went into his mind. The blob floated back down and laid over the rat again. The rat started to sink into itself, it’s mouth shriveling back to make it look like it was screaming. Some of the bugs started crawling out of the corpse, but were trapped by the tar like goo so were unable to escape. Small holes started covering the rat’s fur and more bugs were seen squirming underneath. Most of it’s flesh was already dissolved underneath, and parts of it’s skeleton was on display like a plate of ribs at a BBQ. Hyper decomposition. Danny didn’t make it stop. A few seconds later, it’s skeleton was picked clean, but still the goo didn’t leave. It gnawed at the bones as well until they too were dissolved. Once the deed was done, it floated back to Danny, innocent like a little puppy. He stared at the spot the rat once laid, trying to process it. He grabbed the blob out of the air and absorbed it back into him. 

Danny felt numb. No that wasn’t right, he was feeling something, but it didn’t want to crawl out and reveal itself, so it stayed sharp under his skin. A prickly sensation under his ribs cage. He thought he would be overwhelmed when the rat started to sink into itself, that he would have to stop and throw up. But he didn’t, he felt none of that. Instead he allowed it to go on. He was eager to see more, fascinated to see his powers work in a way he hadn’t before. Was that how his parents felt when they ran a knife over his skin? Is that why they didn’t stop even when he begged them? No. He wasn’t like them. He will never be like them. That was a rat, a dead rat no less, and he was a boy (a dead boy). The rat felt nothing while he felt everything. There was a difference.

But something nagged at him, and he felt it crawl out from under his ribs. He finally recognized the feeling. He felt this before, in this world. It was there with Stain and the Mutant. What is that feeling? It burned in his veins when he stared down Stain, and it burned in him now as he stared at the empty spot. Did he want to melt the rat? He swore he didn’t, really, he just wanted to see if anything would actually happen. Deep down he knew he was lying. The rat melted because he wanted it to. Did he want Stain to melt? 

Stain was hurting children . He was the lowest of the low. He deserved everything he got, and more. But Danny was a lot stronger than Stain. The moment Danny’s first hit connected, he was no longer a threat. Danny still wanted to hurt him, he pitied the man but he felt more spite than anything. His ectoplasm must’ve responded to that and lashed out. Why did he still want to hurt him so much? Danny pounded the rat’s grave with his fist in frustration, and it cracked the concrete below. He hasn’t changed since he was a kid, he was still so angry and sad all the time. He was just taller now. 

Surprised voices rang out in the alleyway. Danny whipped his head towards them in an unnatural manner and he heard a gasp. A man and a woman stood still past the entrance of the alley. Danny instantly recognized them. They were the heroes from before…

Before Danny could do anything, the captain tree-head launched an attack of tree roots from his hand that wrapped around Danny.

[fumblingmusings]

i dont know if you've seen it but your evelyn kind of reminds me of olivia crain from the haunting of hill house tv series. like the sensitivity to the supernatural, wandering the house in dressings gowns like a gothic horror heroine, the intense migraines and being a loving mama bear but spiralling into to being neurotically protective of her kids and paranoid of the world hurting them.

I have never seen the Haunting series on Netflix because I'm a wimpy wimp wimp who recoils at any visual medium of horror but I watched some fanvids just now and yeeeessssssssss. I am massively in love with Carla Gugino so you know. I'll take that.

I have to admit, I am very partial to waifish insane woman, for all its problematic tendencies. Like there's a quote in the asoiaf series (fuck me if I can find it) about how all the mums in that series are just on another level of mother bear tendencies, like having children can like literally change your brain chemistry and how mothers are a bit mad as a result. I don't want to buy into that too much because it goes down weird biological determinism routes so for me it's more: she wanted this and it made her that way versus this happened to her and it made her that way. If that makes sense.

I do write her with some inspirations from Cersei - a bit less malicious maybe but someone who isn't as smart as she thinks she is and who very much does love her kids but like also in such an inhibiting and destructive manner, and where she will say until the cows come home that she puts her kids first, and sometimes she will, but then there are times where her own ambition trumps the kid's wellbeing and it's like welp. Tough tittties kiddos. Like encouraging all the wrong traits.

I've gone off topic. Ahem. Thank you for you the ask!!!!

[narrativerehearsal]

The point about thinking only bad people can be radicalised being dangerous is an extremely important one. 

There was a time when JKR was viewed as the unproblematic queen of the left. It may not have been in the text but she made Dumbledore gay when it was barely legal to mention anything queer to children (I’m being very literal there. The first five books were published and the sixth written when Section 28 was still law and no publisher would have been legally able to mention a gay character in a children’s book).

At that time the very idea that she could ever be viewed as homophobic, or ever even remotely consider siding with a Conservative government on any issue was bizarre. The face she showed the public was inclusive and very anti Tory.

But she also went from as poor as you can be without being homeless to astronomically rich in a short period of time, had the eyes of the world on her and was really quite viciously stalked and harassed by the less ethical corners of the press. Her phone was tapped, her children stalked, friends she hadn’t spoken to in years and distant family members had people turn up on their doorsteps trying to dig up any possible story about her. 

As a result she wound up extremely paranoid. I live in Edinburgh. A workman who came to fix something at my house told me he’d worked on a garden wall for her and there had been a rule of no phones allowed anywhere near her property and there was a line around the house that they weren’t allowed to cross or even approach. I’ve heard similar stories from people who have friends living near her.

People who live in that kind of state of paranoia (whether justified or not) are very easily radicalised by anyone who plays on their fears and offers any kind of safety, whether real or imagined. Yes, it could be that the bigot who has recently sided with the Tories on several occasions was always there underneath. But it also equally possible that in the past there was only ignorance on some things and that the bigotry and political swing is new and entirely the result of paranoia enabled radicalisation.

The desire to retroactively demonise everything she’s ever done and assume she was bigoted from birth is understandable, but it doesn’t reflect the reality of how people can and do change for a whole variety of reasons and that sometimes even the best people can become something you’d never have imagined possible.

It’s actively important to remember that good people can go down some horribly twisted paths, because if you reassure yourself that ‘good people’ will always remain good then you lose the ability to self reflect and examine your own ideas, or examine the difference between an actively malicious viewpoint and a confused and ignorant one.

I've been a little confused by the revisionist history of people saying Dave Chappelle was never funny. Maybe not everyone dug him, but he has been on quite a few GOAT lists for stand up. During his peak in the 2000s it was not uncommon for folks to consider him the best performing stand up since Carlin and Pryor. I was among those people. Perhaps the people saying he was never funny were too young to appreciate him during that time. I don't know.

But I don't think we need to pretend like he always sucked. His fall from grace is an important thing to acknowledge. With people like him and JK Rowling, we are collectively trying to figure out how to deal with artists we love letting us down. It's a good conversation to have. If we just say "well, they always sucked" I think we are avoiding dealing with it.

[existentiallyadrift]

Some thoughts in my head after today’s therapy session (trigger warning - child abuse):

“If people have a guilty conscience or reaction to something, that means they’re guilty of what the other person thinks they did.”

WRONG. At least in my experience. Hear me out.

At a base level gaslighting is when someone is made to feel like their reality of what happened to them is not accurate, and something else happened entirely than what they recollect, right? Perhaps what I’m about to describe is a form of that.

As a child, I experienced a fair amount of abuse. Most of it was mental/emotional abuse, which most days to me feels the most insidious. In most cases the physical abuse heals. The emotional abuse rarely does.

One specific form of mental abuse I experienced all throughout my childhood (and more so in my teenage years as I grew up and was no longer as easy to control through physical abuse), was to accuse me constantly of doing things I did not do. Primarily things with some perception of malicious intent behind them. Even innocuous things like a door or blinds being opened or closed, had some perceived malicious slight and intent in my mother’s mind and it was all an attempt by us children to “hurt” her. Because we were “bad and ungrateful children.” It was a barrage of paranoid accusations nearly every single day. This type of psychological warfare is literally what recruits in basic training are subjected to in order to evoke a state of anxiety and stress. It’s done to try and break people’s mental strength. Like full on adults. And unlike boot camp, for children there’s no specific end date in sight.

Conversely, if I did do something “wrong” like accidentally breaking something, my attempts at explanation were waved off with an air of ludicrousness. “You expect me to ACTUALLY believe…”

My entire childhood was this way. In conjunction with a very socially restrictive childhood that was mostly isolated, I literally grew up thinking the following was the normal operating state of people:

1. It doesn’t matter what you say or how honest you’re being, everyone thinks you’re lying and making things up. You constantly try to mitigate this by over explaining things and thinking about ways to convince the other person you’re actually being honest

2. People are all paranoid and will accuse you of things as a means of manipulation. While the first part of all people are paranoid is the initial observation that comes at a young age, it’s not until you’re older and in a different (dare I say normal) environment comes the second part or the realization that it’s a manipulation tactic.

As things happened I was trained to constantly mitigate toxic mental or physical abuse by constantly running through scenarios of all the possible ways my behavior or responses could be interpreted and habitually trying to do anything I could to head that off at the pass. And if left unchecked will definitely manifest in what could be construed as guilty behavior. Or I was constantly trying to anticipate all the things (no matter how unlikely) I might be accused of doing.

This is one of example of many of the mental abuses my brother and I were subjected to. I suspect my oldest brother also, but because he was so much older than me I can’t confirm. Is our experience the exception to the “guilty conscience” theory or the norm? By all the deities that may exist I hope it’s the exception. But who’s to say?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is treat people with kindness, and maybe they really are not guilty even though they’re acting odd. But it’s also ok to keep enough of your mental well being safe, just in case they aren’t. And I’m definitely not saying be a perpetual emotional open door for people; this is geared towards a first or second time of encountering this type of behavior.

Deprogramming years of this type of regular abuse takes a long time and happens in degrees. Unfortunately for some it may never happen. So be kind to one another. And most of all, be kind to yourself.

[breelandwalker]

Hi! I’m very new to witchcraft (as in i’ve only been seriously looking into it in the last week or so new) and my family are strong christians. they are very against magick and related stuff bc they believe that its part of the devils realm and that people can get possessed and other things if they get involved in witchcraft. I’m not religious myself but growing up around that mindset has made me a bit paranoid about starting witchcraft. I’m not planning on working too much with spirits or the dead at all so I’m not at risk of being ’possessed’ or anything bad am i?

thank you! :D

Good news! Practicing witchcraft does not guarantee, invite, or increase your risk of possession of any kind. Also, if you don't wish to do spirit work, there's no rule that says you have to. And witchcraft, contrary to what some might tell you, is not in opposition to Christian belief, as evidenced by the numerous folk magic traditions that blend Christian prayer and Bible verses with spells and charms.

Furthermore, spells are not horrendously dangerous and explosive things likely to singe off your eyebrows and ruin your life if not performed EXACTLY right, with all the precise trappings of timing and components and procedure pertaining thereto. In reality, spells don't often work in an immediately noticeable fashion, and spells that fail tend to fizzle into nothing rather than blowing up in your face. Yes, even the baneful ones.

One lesson that I like to teach to newer witches is that the spirit world, and indeed the universe at large, is not waiting to pounce on our mistakes and enact horrific consequences. There is no army of malicious imps waiting for you to say or do just the wrong thing so that they can rush in to steal the baby and put a glam rock Goblin King in your window to do some spooky-ooky contact juggling.

Learning magical protection methods is a first step that many witches recommend, but it's not because witchcraft is inherently dangerous. It's more because the techniques used in protection magic (i.e. visualization, grounding & centering, learning to harness your own energy, attaching spells to objects, etc) make excellent building blocks for a basic understanding of magical mechanics. Not to mention that the first thing you should learn with any new hobby or activity is how to do it safely.

This idea of looming danger is a product of leftover guilt and "sin" complexes from the faith systems that many of us were raised with, as well as plenty of scare tactics employed by conservative media over the years that have filtered into popular culture. This last should come as little surprise, considering the number of tv shows and movies where anything related to witchcraft immediately defaults to the demonic and results in problems that only Christian belief and ritual can cure.

The world of witchcraft is peopled with...well, people. Most of us spend our time dealing with everyday life, trying to find time for research and hobbies (and sleep), and swearing luridly when we discover we've missed the full moon AGAIN and just when we had a lovely jar of water to put out for charging. Witches are a colorful and widely varied lot and there are as many ways to be a witch as there are witches in the world.

And to the best of my knowledge, the only practice that is likely to get you haunted or possessed is quite literally calling spirits and demons to haunt or possess you. And even then, it's not a guarantee.

So forge on bravely and fear not! And may I suggest checking out Episodes 4 and 12 of my podcast Hex Positive. These deal with advice for beginner witches and tips for practicing in stealth mode.

Hope this helps!

[weepingvoidpenguin]

One of Your Favorites

Jealous Bucky x Reader

Summary: You have an objective. Get Rumlow to confess. Simple enough, right? No. Aside from his usual condescending attitude towards you, Bucky has made it extremely apparent that he doesn’t think you’re capable of - well, anything, but especially not handling Rumlow. And yet, he is the biggest challenge of this entire ordeal.

Warning: T R I G G E R WARNING!! ATTEMPTED SA, DRUGS, language, light smut. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT READ IF SA WILL TRIGGER YOU. 

Word Count: 8.3k

   “We have good intel stating he’s working as a double agent for HYDRA. Selling information, exploiting tactics, even going so far as to tell them where we’ll be and when.” Natasha scanned the room, making sure she had everyone’s attention during the briefing. 

   You slouched back in your swivel chair and twisted to-and-fro slightly with your hands gripping the arm rests on either side. It took all of your willpower to act engrossed in her words. And you meant every single drop. You’d been paying attention, sure, but the only issue was the dominating presence two seats to your right and directly in your line of sight to Natasha. You rolled your chair to the left to clear the path for the third time, only for him to block your way without missing a beat. The growl that left your mouth was nearly involuntary. Nearly.

   How long would this man act like a child? Despite his graceful and seemingly unsuspecting movements, you were fully aware his placement was intentional. This was not the first, nor did you doubt that it would be the last, time that Bucky acted impudently toward you. Frankly, you’d grown bored of his behavior. It was the same thing everyday. He would act a nuisance during the briefings, speak over you whenever he had the chance, steal the limelight from you and invalidate any concerns or thoughts you shared. The whole charade grew tiring and he had been dancing on thin ice for months now.

   You averted your gaze from burning holes through the freshly washed, brown locks and switched your attention back up to the redhead. Thankfully, too, because you managed to catch the end of her sentence just as she locked eyes with you.

   “And that’s why Y/N is going to be the one to extract the information from him,” she finished.

   You blinked, “Wait, what?” 

   Bucky straightened his posture and threw a quick glance your way, “Yeah, what? She’s got no heat, couldn’t toast marshmallows if we gave her all day. She shouldn’t lead this, she wouldn’t know how,”

   “Well, tonight might be a good time to start learning, then,” Steve chimed in, throwing a wink your way. You smiled and appreciated his aid, not because you needed it but because at this point, you were seething and if you opened your mouth to defend yourself this meeting would go south, quickly. Luckily, Steve always believed you were capable of a great deal of things and knew you strove for more experience so any opportunity to lead or expand was one he thought you should take. 

   “Besides,” Tony spoke up, twirling a platinum pen between his fingers from across the table, “our little double-agent has always had the hots for Y/N so unless you’re gonna be the one to bat your eyelashes at him and get him alone in a room, Mr. Barnes, we have to use his own flaws against him.” He turned to face you and held up a hand, “Not to say that liking you is a flaw, you’re great Hot-Stuff but exploiting him is our best option indefinitely,”

   “Do I have to seduce him?” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest and raising a brow towards Nat, trying your damned hardest to avoid the unmistakable glare the brown-haired super soldier was sending your way. 

   “The only thing you have to do is extract any information on him that you can. Get him a little drunk, catch him in a slip-up or two, take note of any inconsistent stories and be on your merry way,” she reassured, “How you manage to do that is up to you,”

   “Ooh, extortion,” Clint chirped up from the far back corner, his hands rubbing together maliciously around an arrow he pulled from his sheathe, something you noticed he did a lot when he was uninterested; be it a person, mission, or conversation.

   “No. Not extortion,” Steve shut it down and you chuckled at how Clint’s countenance fell into one of disappointment. 

   “Not yet anyway,” Natasha mumbled and you sighed as she walked around the room and handed each of you a folder with your individual objectives inside.

   “But he’s such a pervert,” you grumbled.

   “All the easier,” 

~

   The rest of the day was drudged with Nat while she taught the pertinence of body language (both yours and theirs), verbal ruses, and overall ensnarement. You bat your eyelashes until you were certain you would catch enough wind to fly away, smirked enough that your cheeks began to ache and raised your eyebrows ‘til you felt the impending wrinkles on your forehead. By the end of the drill you weren’t sure you were even going to make it to the company party from the migraine creeping its way on.

   “How’s the bait coming along?” His voice alone caused you to roll your eyes but you paid no mind while you rubbed at your temples and stood up alongside Natasha.

   “She’s not gonna be able to lie to me any time soon but she can flirt her way to whatever she wants,”

   “Benefits of targeting a narcissistic misogynist, they don’t think anyone can fool them.” Tony belted as he sauntered into the room with strawberries, offering them out to you while he munched on one.

   “She’ll still mess it up,” Bucky countered, “Make someone else do it,”

   You plucked the fruit off Tony’s tray and examined it, trying to figure out whether you were going to consume it or use it as a weapon.

   “I really appreciate your words of encouragement, James. Unfortunately, they’re not wanted, nor are they needed.” You bit into the fruit and glided towards the door, looking over your shoulder at the super soldier, “So unless you actually have something to contribute, I suggest you stay the hell out of my way while I get the job done,”

   Nat walked out behind you and handed you a tiny, skin-colored device meant to conceal itself and you placed it in your ear. 

   “The conversation is gonna be recorded so we can catch any inconsistencies. We’ll all be able to hear what you’re saying so tread on delicate waters but don’t be afraid to shake mountains if you have to,”

   You nodded and opened your door for her to enter your room knowing she’d want to help you get ready for the event. Natasha, shocking as it turns out, enjoys company while preparing for events. She would much prefer to be surrounded by people than be alone. You never had gall to ask her why that is. Or maybe you respected her too much to ask.

   An hour had passed, maybe two, but you enjoyed the silence between you both. There was no need to fill the empty quiet when it was so comfortable and welcoming. You two spoke without words at times and that was probably your favorite personal skill. Eventually, there came a knock on your door and you opened to find Wanda with her flat iron and make-up bag in tow. It’d long since been decided that your room was the gathering center.

   Wanda helped you finish touching up your outfit and you waited on your bed while they finished getting ready. Nat occasionally quizzed you on certain situations and how you should act depending on the tones and moods of the conversation. You tried to explain that you didn’t have difficulty reading a room but Nat tested you all the same. 

   “And if he puts his hand on your thigh?” She called out from your bathroom.

   “Then he loses it,” you practically sang in response.

   You were met with a flying hairbrush and laughed at the onslaught.

   “You’re not the only one with that mentality,” Wanda called out as well, her iron glossing over thin strands of hair.

   “Nat knows I can handle myself.” You sat up on the bed and went over to your closet to collect your favorite pair of shoes to go along with the formal attire Nat selected for tonight. “What a coincidence that we happen to have a company party the same night we have to extract information,” you hollered over your shoulder, moving aside terribly worn shoes while you scoured for the pair you had in mind.

   “This objective has been in the works for weeks now,” Nat released the tendril of hair from around the barrel and pinned it to her head so it could cool.

   “Wow, thanks for the heads up, then.” You gripped the desired pair and placed them beside your nightstand for later.

   “The plan wasn’t solid until we knew for a fact that Rumlow was coming. It’s a company party so it’s not mandatory but once he heard you were making an appearance, it didn’t take very much persuading,”

   You rolled your eyes and plopped back down on your mattress, “He’s so annoying, I doubt I can hold much of a conversation with him,”

   “Take a shot or two to ease your nerves, if he sees you drinking it’ll put him at ease too. He’ll be more inclined to drink,” Natasha recommended. “But don’t act too out of character. If you were always curt and short with him and suddenly you start acting over-friendly, he may get suspicious. He’s an idiot but he’s a paranoid one,”

   You nodded, taking a mental note to have a half-empty bottle in your grasp when Rumlow arrives. If he thinks you’ve already been drinking, he might also consider catching up. 

   “Y/N? Not uptight for once?” Wanda sarcastically questioned. “I can’t picture it,”

   “Oh, fuck off,” you grumbled and in turn received laughter from the two girls. “Besides, of all of us I’m by far the least uptight. Barnes takes the cake for that one,”

   There was a beat of silence that you didn’t register before you were met with a response.

   “Ya know, he’s not as bad as you paint him out to be.” Nat unpinned the curl from her head and moved on to the next section, “He’s got some serious loyalty and always willing to volunteer first for everything,”

   You lifted your head to stare at her reflection through the mirror, “What are you talking about? He’s annoying and irate and lacks a filter,”

   “Mmm, irate isn’t the word I would use,” Wanda countered, looking over to Natasha.

   Nat shook her head in response, “I’d lean more towards . . . over-protective,” 

  “Much better,” Wanda agreed.

   You squinted your eyes at their image and felt the corners of your lips turn downwards, “Over-protective? Since when are you two defending Barnes?”

   “We’re not defending him, per say.” Wanda glanced over to Nat, “We’re just trying to give you a fresh perspective,” 

   “You could give me a brand new pair of eyes and I’d still see him the same,” you retorted, now leaning on your elbows due to the strain on your neck. 

   They ignored the comment, “And he’s only annoying to you,”

   “You’re telling me he doesn’t annoy you at all?” You asked, an eyebrow raised.

   “More like . . . he doesn’t go out of his way to mess with us.” Nat applied a nude color onto her lips.

   “So you agree that he goes out of his way to irritate me,” you stated rather than asked.

   “That’s been made very apparent,” Wanda responded. “But you have to wonder why,”

   You huffed a little and sprawled back out on the bed just to result in staring at the ceiling above. If you looked hard enough your mind would create pictures from the chaos of the cracks and shapes began to form. Sometimes, when the night lay still and life seemed to dwindle at the edges of your reality, you could swear a familiar face fashioned together and your imagination ran wild with the images you’d see. Some that brought a warmth to your cheeks even now. 

   You shot up out of bed and shook the memories from your vision. Ugh. He haunts you even when he’s not actively tormenting you. How he’s managed to crawl his way so deeply within your skin you had no idea but you fought for control of your thoughts whenever you caught them slipping into that hellhole.

   “Or slipping into euphoria,” Wanda chimed in.

   “Wanda!” You scolded, crossing your arms, “Euphoria my ass,”

   “Yeah, he thinks so too,” she continued and you chucked the abandoned hairbrush back their way. 

   “Stay out of my head,” you jokingly sniped at her but was met with a low chuckle.

   “I didn’t even have to be in your head to know what you were thinking of,” Nat defended and caught your weapon of choice.

   “Are you guys done yet?” You rolled your eyes and stretched yourself out before swiping up the pair of heels you’d chosen and sliding them onto your feet.

   “Why? Are you in a hurry to see a certain someone?” Natasha teased and Wanda let out an eruption of laughter.

   “All right, I’m done.” You made a beeline for the door and threw it open, “Lock up when you’re finished!” You bellowed over your shoulder and made your way to the top floor of the building where all the parties are typically held.

   You didn’t run into anyone on the way up and you used that time to calm yourself, prying inch by inch away from the invasive thoughts that called for you in the darkest hours of the night. But, then again, maybe those tormenting thoughts weren’t that bad? You mean, he certainly IS handsome, very much so actually. And he has the most knee-wobbling smirk you’d ever come to know, not to mention those little tricks he does with his knives always manage to entrance you. God, did he know how to use a knife. 

   On more than one occasion had you caught yourself staring at how his hands encapsulated the hilt of the blade. How they clenched and relaxed, drawing out some of the more prominent veins on one of the extremities; of course, you were even more so enticed by the hand he hid as well. You’d imagined what it felt like to have such strong hands grip onto your thighs and coax you into spreading them open with just a few teasing touches here and there. You couldn’t fathom the front you’d put up would last very long, he was stellar at pulling reactions from you. He’d see you break under his caresses and he’d degrade you like he always did but this time it’d emit a different response from you, one that made you whimper and shake. At that, he’d probably call you a good girl, he definitely seems the type to switch between degradation and praise, and would press his mouth up just where you wanted it the most. You’d try your hardest to be quiet but damn the way that tongue moved against you and the way he’d pull you harder against his face at each sound of pleasure you let slip past your lips. He’d enjoy it, too. Eyes closed as he devours you, he likes to put on a show for you to watch. Give you a memory that’ll slick your thighs later that night if he hadn’t fucked you into a coma by then. He’d make you watch him and if you dared to close your eyes you’d earn a firm, cold smack on your ass. He knows you like when he uses temperature play. He growls a little too, he can’t help his innate behavior. Then, just as the accumulation is coming to its apex he’d pull away abruptly and kiss you straight on your mouth so you can taste yourself and that’d earn him another whimper which would result in another smack that leads to that cold metal trailing its way to your core and just as he pushes the tip of his finger inside-

   You cough and straighten your posture as the elevator door opens. When had you leaned up against the back wall of the elevator? Oh Gods, you could feel the slick at the apex of your thighs and you squeezed them together as inconspicuously as you could in fear that you were producing a . . . scent that would be rather difficult to conceal. But the slick only grew worse when you locked eyes with the person stepping into the elevator.

   Fuck.

   “That’s what you chose to wear?” He asked, a certain venom in his tone that immediately calmed the ache in your heat.

   “And what would you have me wear instead, Barnes?” You quipped back, your body facing forward as he took his place beside you in the cramped space.

   There was a beat of silence. Then another. “Not that,” he responded.

   “Well I’ll make sure to ask you next time since you have such impeccable taste,” you retorted, your eyes yet to abandon the sight of the closing doors.

   You weren’t sure of all the effects of the Super Soldier Serum that had been injected into Bucky and all that it heightened but you prayed to any God that would listen that his hearing wasn’t one of those things. You were too preoccupied with attempting to settle the hot pulse beating between your legs to worry about how loud your discomfort came across.

   “What do you look so nervous about?” Bucky’s gruff voice prodded. “You can’t possibly be nervous about the mission considering how big-headed you are,”

   You took a deep, long breath and held it to soothe you. Had you not been so previously preoccupied, you’d have given him hell for the insult. “I’m not nervous about that,” you sniped and rested back against the cool wall to satiate your burning skin before lifting your gaze to him only to find him already examining you.

   “Of course not, I just said that,” he retorted, bringing a gloved hand to his face to rub along his jaw, “there’s obviously nothing for you to worry about,”

   You scoffed, “And why is that, Barnes?” Cue the dramatic crossing of your arms. 

   “You’re smarter than Rumlow and significantly better trained. Overall, he really doesn’t hold a candle to your ability,” He paused for a second, his whole frame tensing until he remembered to relax, “But that’s not really saying much considering it’s Rumlow,” 

   You hadn’t noticed you raised your eyebrows until you felt your face fall, “Ah, there he is. You had me worried there for a second, Barnes. Thought you might actually try something new and display common decency for once,”

   A corner of his mouth turned up subtly and he shook his head. You trailed your gaze down to his hidden hand and stared long enough to burn a hole through the fabric.

   “If something’s bothering you, Dollface, go ahead and speak up,” 

   You weren’t sure what possessed you to say anything, especially knowing how touchy the subject was for him but the words left your mouth anyway, “I don’t know why you insist on hiding yourself,”

   He lurched his head back, your statement seeming to have a physical affect on the man and you mentally slapped yourself for saying anything.

   “I’m not hiding myself,”

   “But you are,” you interrupted, your thoughts coming out in pools of candor, “you aren’t your hand. You aren’t your past. You are you. Presently. You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore. That’s not even the same hand you had back then. It’s not tainted and neither are you. I say drop the gloves,”

   “And why would I care about what you say?” He growled, his eyebrows furrowed together and his neck tight in potential restraint.

   The elevator dinged and you looked towards the opening doors, “You don’t have to but they don’t look right with your suit either.” You walked through the exit and sauntered over to the others who had already gotten the party started, leaving Bucky dumb-founded behind you. “I need a shot,”

   “Already ready,” Tony quipped up, holding the small glass in the air for everyone to behold before bringing his cheek to yours in mock welcoming, “This’ll up your tolerance for the next hour, try to get all your drinking done within that time-frame,”

   You pulled away with a warm smile after faux kissing his cheek, “Finally!” you displayed and threw the liquid back in one swift motion, your face scrunching together against your will.

   “Yeah, she’s got a kick to her,” he mumbled and handed you a fruity drink to chase it down with. 

   You went around and said hi to everyone as you recognized most of those present. You made small chatter with those lesser known and drank the liquid in your hand significantly quicker than you’d like to. You excused yourself after you finished the drink and walked over to the bar, scanning the room as you were handed another glass. No Rumlow in sight.

   You headed towards the foosball table and gripped the handles after setting the beverage down on the counter beside you. You flinched as a reflection of light caught your eye and at first you thought your glass was the source. Until your eyes fixated on the reflection’s actual origin. To your far right, and up a few steps you found Bucky conversing with Steve, a dull light emitting from his hand. Not a glove in sight.

   “So, where’s your boyfriend?” Sam inquired when he filled the opposing spot.

   You rolled your eyes, “Bucky’s not my boyfriend,”

   “Bucky?” Sam’s tone chirped up teasingly, a knowing look wearing on his face.

   Your grip tightened around the handles and you slowly pulled away to throw the little white ball through the circle, your hands immediately twisting the miniscule players around. Your eyes shot back and forth, your sight never leaving the darting sphere. Sam still managed to win the first point.

   “Ha!” He shouted in triumph, bringing his finger up as if to scold you, “Don’t think you got away with that comment either, Y/N,”

   “What comment?” you questioned and gulped most of your drink before slamming it back down on the table.

   You heard your earpiece come to life with quiet static and you tried to keep your face masked. Rumlow had entered. Not a surprise either, the party was finally starting to pick up now.

   Sam threw the ball in and you turned the players meticulously this time, brute strength hadn’t helped you earlier so maybe you should take it slow. Steve made his way over to the table and threw his drink back, the liquid trickling down the side of his face before he wiped it away. Sam won the second point.

   “I play winner,” Tony chimed, standing beside Steve.

   You made a point to catch up and now you two were tied at three each. 

   “Best out of five?” You proposed, quirking an eyebrow at Sam.

   “If you didn’t want to play anymore you could’ve just said that,” he teased and you smirked at him as Tony made a subtle show of handing you another drink and you finished your second. “Loser takes two shots?”

   “Deal.” You nodded, knowing you didn’t have much of a choice as a small crowd began to form around you two. Rumlow amongst them. 

   Your jaw dropped when Sam shot the ball directly into your goal as soon as he’d let the ball go.

   “What the fuck?” You shouted, “No fair! That doesn’t count!”

   Thor erupted in laughter to your right and you blinked slowly, staring at the gargantuan man. 

   “It most certainly does,” Sam shouted back, his grin practically touching his ears.

   “Sam, take it easy on her,” Bucky muttered from beside him, quickly averting his gaze from yours and his expression loosened, “The brat hates losing,”

   “Brat?” You snarled.

   Bucky took a swig of his beer, watching you the entire time and you reeled back the fire beginning to form in your chest just to bring your drink up to your lips and chug the entire thing down. You handed it over to Tony who left to replace it. 

   “Last point,” Sam stated, “It’s not too late to quit now,”

   You shook your head and blinked away the feign distortion you were supposed to have. “Just play the ball,”

   “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he teased and threw the ball in. 

   You wanted to win. Desperately. But you had a character to play tonight and she was supposed to be drunk. So you hit your hand against the corner of the table just as Sam happened to make the winning point. You grumbled and threw him a glare when Tony broke through the crowd.

   “Coming through,” he shouted, handing two small glasses to you while you gripped your knuckles in pain. “Noooo, you’re not getting out of taking these. C’mon, take your punishment,”

   “Yes, Daddy,” you grumbled and cringed at your own words when the realization hit you. Whatever. You were supposed to be drunk, anyway. 

   “Daddy?” Tony quipped and pulled the drinks back towards himself, “Maybe you should be cut off,”

   “What?” You argued, leaning slightly on the table with your hand and snatching the drinks from Tony’s hold, effectively spilling some on yourself. “See?” You lifted up the half empty shot glass, “This barely counts as a shot,”

   “I’ll get her a new one,” Rumlow offered and disappeared before anyone could argue. 

   “She really doesn’t need another-” Bucky tried to interject and take the shots from you but you twisted around and chugged down the one full glass.

   Water.

   You looked up at Tony and his smirk was barely noticeable. But you could tell. Bucky nearly ripped the other drink from you but Tony blocked his path and you exaggerated your next drink as Rumlow broke back into the crowd, shot in tow.

   “Here.” Rumlow’s calloused hand held the drink up above you and you stared at him with a questioning look. “Open,” he ordered and the fire burning in your chest fought to destroy everything in its vicinity. You bit your lip in refrain but tossed your head back and opened your mouth.

   Static broke over your earpiece. Don’t drink that! Wanda’s voice erupted.

   Your eyes widened as the liquid made its way down but you coughed hard to stop whatever you could. 

   Why? Steve’s voice came through right after.

   You choked on the liquid and shut your eyes at the way it burned its way down. You reached your hand out to grab someone’s drink to ease the burning and grasped a tall glass and tossed it back. The burning didn’t ease up and you felt a hand rest on your back.

   “Are you okay?” Rumlow’s voice rang out and your skin nearly recoiled from the contact, “How about we get you some water?”

   You looked up at him when the burning subsided minimally and nodded your head, letting him lead the way to the bar. He parted the crowd and someone took step right behind you to follow when the presence suddenly died out abruptly. You turned around to check who it had been and found no one.

   Why? Steve asked again.

   Where’s Wanda? Bruce broke through.

   You lifted your head and flitted your gaze around the room until you found the familiar Sokovian on the couch, laying down with her eyes closed. You pulled away from Rumlow but his grip on your hand tightened and his steps grew in haste. You whirled your head to yell at him but the way the room swayed with the movement cause you to shut your mouth in surprise. 

   Didn’t Tony say you would have a higher tolerance?

   “Couch...” you muttered, pointing over your shoulder just in case your target was curious enough to ask but the message was delivered.

   Rumlow hoisted you up onto the bar stool and stood on your open side, using his body to keep you from falling over. Or to cage you in.

   “I don’t feel good,” You rested an elbow on the countertop and held your head up.

   “I can’t imagine you would. You’ve been chugging those drinks like they’re water.” Despite that, Rumlow motioned to the bartender and asked for two more.

   You giggled and your head lulled forward with the action. You let Rumlow catch you from tumbling over. Why did your body feel so heavy? Not to mention the way everything around you dazed about. You couldn’t catch a single action, let alone attempt to read Rumlow’s body language. But you did happen to notice the way his eyes searched the room before coming back to you.

   “You okay?” You rested your forearm against his chest and pushed slightly to allow yourself a better view of his face.

   A small smirk, “Am I okay? What about you?”

   You smacked your lips and brought the ice cold glass to your lips. That’s not water. “I’m doing reeaalllyy good,” you drawled.

   Rumlow chuckled and pushed you deeper into the chair, “I can tell.” He took a sip, his attention never faltering from your body, “Just be sure to pace yourself from here on out,”

   You made a show of cocking your head to the side and letting a smile sprawl onto your face as you studied him. 

   “What?” he questioned, a curious lift in his brow.

   You shook your head gently and kept your gaze on him over the brim of your glass, “You’re just . . . not what I was expecting,”

   “And what were you expecting?” 

   Don’t forget to bat your eyelashes. “Worse,”

   “Sorry to disappoint,” he jeered, his attention once again cast throughout the room before centering back on you.

   You followed his action but quickly came to the conclusion that moving any pace faster than a sloth was going to make you nauseous and you could barely keep a thought together. Your stomach began to rise in your chest and the fear seized your throat shut. Why couldn’t you hold onto a thought for longer than a second? It was like you were aware of your lack of consciousness but could do nothing about it because any thought or bout of panic phased through just as soon as it arrived.

   “What are you so tense for, Rumlow? You know you’re not currently on the clock, right?” You teased, your head leaning on your shoulder as you spoke.

   He brought his drink up to his lips and finished it off in three gulps, “I’m not tense. It’s just hard to turn it off sometimes,”

   You nodded slowly and pushed your drink towards him, “Relax. You know everyone here,”

   He shook his head and placed your drink back in front of you before asking for another beer.

   “And two shots!” You shouted to the bartender, throwing two of your fingers high up and instantly regretting how fast you’d done it.

   “Are you trying to get me drunk?” He asked you, a side smirk beginning to form.

   You placed your finger over your lips and hushed, “Shh, I won’t tell if you don’t.” You dragged your lower lip down and his eyes fixated to commit the scene to memory. “Besides, I always feel dumb if I’m the only one drunk,”

   He motioned to the rest of the party, “Believe me, Sugar, you’re not the only one enjoying yourself,”

   “But are you?” 

   “Am I what?” 

   “Enjoying yourself?” 

   Your skin crawled when he placed his rough hand on your barren thigh, “Absolutely,”

   Don’t forget what you’re here for. Don’t let the objective slip. Gods, how the fuck were you supposed to retain anything when you were so sleepy? And why was it so warm?

   “Hot,” you mumbled, fishing around in your glass for an ice cube to rub on your face.

   “Thank you,”

   You threw your head back in laughter and nearly earned yourself an up-close and personal view of the floor had Rumlow not wrapped an arm around your waist and held you steady. Once he was certain you weren’t going to toss yourself onto the ground, he parted your legs and stood between them to keep you rooted to your seat.

   All the movement had you spinning and you white-knuckled Rumlow’s cotton shirt to keep yourself grounded to something, anything. Red warning lights were firing up in your chest and you tensed with the way your body buckled to the panic coursing through you. Your heart pounded in your ears and danced across your skin, lighting it on fire and making the room too stuffy to bear. Please, no. Not now. Focus. Snap out of it. Come back, stay back. Your breathing hitched and you looked down at the sensation crawling its way up higher on your thigh. Too hot. Everything was too hot, if you didn’t get out of this now you would never-

   “Vision!” You cheered, happy to see your friend.

   The presence on your thigh recoiled slightly.

   “I’m taking Wanda to her room, seems she’s had a bit too much to drink,” Vision informed and you’d only just then noticed the body in his hold.

   “Wanda!” You smiled, admiring her peaceful features as she slept in his arms. You poked at her cheek then jerked your gaze back up to Vision. “What? Wanda doesn’t drink,”

   She’s not acting, Sam’s voice erupted in your ear and you flinched at the sound. 

   Vision’s eyes went from you to Rumlow then back to you slowly, “Y/N . . . are you okay?”

   You beamed at him and slowly brought up your thumb. “Good,” you responded.

   You followed Vision’s gaze back up to Rumlow and smiled at the agent beside you. You guess he’s kind of cute. In a strange, unsettling way.

   “She’s had a lot to drink, so we’re just trying to slow down the pace. Aren’t we, Y/N?” Rumlow looked down at you.

   You nodded fervently, “Yup!” 

   Vision hesitated but knew he didn’t pose much of a threat with Wanda in his arms unconscious, so he quirked a smile and walked towards the hall.

   Someone get to Y/N, something’s not right, Vision ordered and you lifted your head up to find him. You could have sworn he just left.

   “Here.” Rumlow handed you a glass, “Drink this, it’ll cool you down,” 

   You stared at the glass in his hold and looked up at him, “You drink it first,” you slurred, holding your finger up at him.

   He cocked his head to the side but took a swig of the drink and you watched it go down his throat. You shrugged and grabbed at it.

   Do not drink that, Nat ordered from somewhere and you looked around in wonder at who she was yelling to.

   Bucky, Sit down! Steve growled.

   Like hell, responded a voice you knew all too well.

   Your smile grew and you looked through the crowd, “Bucky!” You feverishly called, completely expecting to see him before you. Rumlow’s head lifted instantly, his eyes scouring the area.

   “I’ve got this, Pretty Boy,” Tony hastily spoke, “How ya doin’, Hot Stuff?” He interrogated and you reeled at the tone.

   “Quite well, thank you,” you responded tenaciously and attempted to take a swig of the drink in your grasp.

   Tony’s hand shot out and covered the top, slamming the cup back down on the counter and effectively getting the drink all over your dress.

   “What the fuck?” You tried to shout but the words came out heavy and required too much energy to speak.

   “You’ve had enough for tonight,”

   “It’s just water,” Rumlow defended but Tony paid him no mind.

   Your jaw dropped open and you glared at the older man. Who the hell did he think he was? Tony’s stare burned through your skull and despite your irritation, you couldn’t help but wonder why he was so pissed.

   “Are you mad at me?” You drawled, lulling your head to the side.

   “No,” he responded curtly. 

   “Am I being too loud or something?” You pushed. You couldn’t imagine you were any louder than any other drunken bastard at this party.

   “No,”

   Get her out of there or I swear to God I will, his voice hissed into your ear.

   Your eyebrows rose slightly in excitement, “Mmm, Bucky,” you smiled and Tony nodded.

   “’Mmm, Bucky’ is right. Wanna go see him?” Tony offered, sticking out his hand for you to take.

   You fell forward into Rumlow’s chest but shook your head furiously none the less, “For what? So he can tell me I’m horrendous at my-”

   Oh shit. Your job. The job.

   If only your body didn’t feel so heavy and your mind so light.

   You pushed off Rumlow’s chest and glared at Tony, “I can handle myself,” you insisted, a new sort of sober tone making its way through that caused him to do a once-over. “I know what I’m doing,”

   “How many drinks have you had?” Tony challenged and you fell silent.

   Then you felt a tap, and another and a few more.

   “Six,” You said, hoping you’d counted right.

   Tony, don’t you even fucking consider it, Bucky threatened.

   “You could at least change, recuperate and then come back,” Tony offered and you sighed a breath of relief before nodding.

   “Deal,” you agreed, “I’m hot anyway,”

   Tony gave you one last glance before turning around and blending into the crowd on the other end of the room.

   You looked up to Rumlow who’s gaze was still locked on the sea of people, “Don’t you wish you’d taken that shot now?” you tried to jeer, every last word bringing you deeper and deeper.

   “Are they always that intense?” He questioned, not turning his attention to you.

   “They can be over-bearing,” you admitted, hand grabbing the water from earlier and pressing it up against your forehead, “They consider me the baby so they’re always criticizing and suffocating until I just wished they’d disappear.” You took a gulp, “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the family and I like that I have a cause but . . . they don’t let me do anything. It’s exhausting,”

   You let out a long breath and smeared the condensation from the glass onto your chest. Rumlow studied you then, not just your body but your reaction. He was watching how you dropped your shoulders at the confession and how you faced your back to them to block them out. 

   You plastered your torso on the countertop and tried to slow your heartrate down. You couldn’t be the only one here unfathomably hot.

   “Why is it so fucking hot?” You questioned, fanning yourself weakly.

   “There are a lot of people around,” Rumlow offered, “how about we go somewhere else? Tony did say you had to change,”

   You peered up at him through half-lidded eyes and meekly groaned in compliance. “Fine,”

   You lifted yourself away from the counter and gently placed your feet on the floor. You’d touched the ground faster than anticipated. Had the ground always been so close?

   “Don’t worry, I gotcha.” Rumlow threw an arm around your waist and helped you trudge towards the elevator.

   Where the hell are you going? Bucky yelled and the sound of shuffling could be heard from his end.

   We can’t let you leave with Rumlow, Y/N. We’re not even sure you’re acting anymore, Sam stated.

   Rumlow pressed the button when you couldn’t muster the strength to do it yourself. The level that your room was on lit up and the doors began closing. You thought you saw Rumlow wave at someone but the mock smile on his face didn’t make it seem like a warm good-bye.

   Your legs had all but given out by the time the elevator reached your shared floor. 

   “Heavy,” you muttered, letting Rumlow carry your weight fully.

   “I know, Sugar. We’re almost there,” he soothed and you conceded to the fatigue wearing you down.

   Your head hung low and your arm dangled uselessly at your side. The familiar sound of your door sliding open caught your attention but you did nothing. You couldn’t. 

   “How . . . know . . . my room?” You questioned, each word causing you to pull from an empty well of energy.

   “I’ve been here before.” Rumlow tossed you onto the bed and sprawled you out.

   “Oh. Ok.” You tried to turn on to your side but strong hands gripped down onto your ankles.

   Rumlow sighed and slipped the heels off your feet, examining the pair like he wanted to wear them. You extended your feet until you felt every muscle in your leg stretch to its capacity and let out a groan of pleasure at the release. Those shoes hurt so bad.

   “You seem . . . intelligent, Y/N.” Rumlow dropped your shoes onto the floor and slithered to the side of your bed, standing beside it with his hands tucked into his pockets.

   A bead of sweat trickled down your forehead, “Hot . . .” you croaked and he nodded.

   “You’re right. It is getting kind of hot.” He brought a hand up to his neck and ripped off the tie hanging around it.

   Get the fuck out of my way, a growl erupted in your ear.

   We’re going with you, Buck, Steve responded before knocking something over.

   “So, what I have a hard time understanding is. . . why you’re here?” 

   You groaned a weak ‘huh’ but even that didn’t sound right.

   “You’re good at what you do, you finish every mission successfully and yet you’re underappreciated.” He took a seat at the foot of your bed and placed one of your legs into his lap, “Why do you allow them to treat you like that? We wouldn’t,”

   The shuffling in your earpiece halted.

   “We?” 

   He began to massage your calf and brought your knee up to his lips, peppering light kisses on it. “We could use someone with your skillset, babe. We’d take real good care of you,”

   The shuffling started again.

   Rumlow had made his way onto your thigh at this point and you let out an involuntary moan when he skimmed over a delicate part on your inner knee.

   “Ya like that?” he questioned but didn’t wait for a response. He brought a hand up to his temple and grabbed the earpiece. You figured he just hadn’t taken it out from his earlier shift but when he pulled it apart, you understood why he always kept it on him.

   “Flash . . . drive earpiece?” Your weak tone tilted a little. “W-why tell . . .”

   “I figured I’d give you the option to leave since you seem so . . . suffocated. If you said yes tonight then I would remind you tomorrow. If you didn’t,” he chuckled, “well, you wouldn’t remember anyway.” His hands trailed to your mid-thigh and you squeaked. “I’m impressed though, I’ve never given anyone else as much as I’ve given you tonight. The drug usually works so quickly on others, but not you. It’s kind of hot, actually,”

   Sick fuck, Natasha growled through a ragged breath.

   The world around you was slow or maybe it was you that was slow? You couldn’t tell, honestly. But when Rumlow moved as if he could predict your actions before you could make them, you wondered whether you were moving at all.

   “Don’t worry, it’ll be over soon,” Rumlow sighed.

   You shook your head, or thought you did but despite the way your body was live-wired, it remained still against all desire. 

   Fight. Move. 

   You managed to push your legs shut but his hand slithered between and spread them open similar to opening a door, but this required much less force.

   “Kill,” You threatened and the sinister smile that crawled its way onto Rumlow’s face was vile enough to sink your heart into your stomach.

   “Kill is fucking right.” Someone snarled and your door was ripped from its hinges.

   Rumlow’s hand jerked away from your body and Bucky seized his open palm, intertwining their fingers and pushing Rumlow’s so far back that they touched the back of his own hand. The cracks were sickening onto themselves but had you not been so weak you would’ve turned from the sight altogether. You really couldn’t fathom how his fingers were still attached at all.

   “Lay another hand on her and you won’t be able to use it again.” Bucky spit.

   Despite Rumlow’s pain, the sinister smile remained sprawled on his face, “You should’ve heard the noises she made,”

   Bucky’s grip tightened and the bones in his palm broke next, “I did,”

   Natasha flew in right behind Barnes but completely dismissed the two and headed straight for you with a needle in hand. Your eyes shifted from the needle to Nat’s face and back again until she stabbed it into your upper arm. Ouch. 

   “Wha-”

   “Shh,” Natasha hastily hushed, “Keep your strength, you should be back to normal soon,”

   Steve came behind Nat and scooped you up to lead you out of the havoc going on in the room. Nat turned her focus to Bucky and reached over to grab the earpiece from Rumlow. Who knows if his nose will ever heal back normally. You held one finger in the air as Steve stepped over the splintered door.

   “Goddamit, Y/N,” Steve huffed, jogging towards the elevator and pressing the floor that led to the infirmary.

   “We won,” you croaked out, a small smile on your face and Steve shook his head.

   “I’m never going to hear the end of this,” 

   Steve looked you up and down for bruises but couldn’t find any and you promised you weren’t lying to him when you told him Rumlow did not get very far in his ‘advances’ at all. You had to swear the mid-thigh was the worst that it came to. 

   Bruce was the one that took a few blood samples and made sure everything was reversing back to normal. Apparently, as soon as Rumlow took you to the bar Tony handed Banner the shot glass that Rumlow gave you and Banner ran analysis on it. The cure was pretty easy to find.

   After being given strict orders to lie down for the next hour or so, it had been decided that Rumlow was to be turned in considering all the evidence required to make the arrest was in the flashdrive and everyone was to gather together for a ‘family night’. Whatever the hell that meant.

   You were in the middle of debating which movie to pick with Steve when the infirmary doors flew open.

   “Where is she?” Bucky nearly shouted upon seeing Bruce.

   “That’s my cue.” Steve stood up just as Bucky rounded the corner, “If you need anything me and Banner will be right over there,”

   You smiled and thanked him then turned your attention to the super-soldier who just arrived at the foot of your bed.

   He didn’t say anything for a while, just looked at you. No, not really. Not at you but through you. A few painstakingly slow seconds went by that way.

   “You owe me a new door,” you joked, a half-smile on your face.

   “Are you okay?” He asked, finally registering your presence.

   You nodded slowly, “I am,”

   Then a few more seconds.

   Bucky turned his gaze down to his hands, both of them barren and on display for the world to see, before shifting his weight between either foot, “Did he- did he touch you?”

   “Not really. Just really liked my legs for some reason,” your attempt at another quip didn’t reach Bucky. He stared back up at you waiting for an answer, an honest one. You sighed, “The damage is more mental,” you admitted, now you were the one not able to look up, “I didn’t like being in this altered state of mind. It’s invasive and . . . scary. He could’ve done things, much worse things but it never got that far or that bad. It was more realizing that I wasn’t completely conscious or present and having that state of mind be taken advantage of, that mostly frightened me. Ya know?”

   “More than anyone,” he answered immediately.

   You looked back up towards him, finally making eye contact, “But I’m fine now, really. Just a little spooked. Steve wants to do a movie night tonight and I would actually prefer that over being alone.” Your eyes fixated on the way his hands clenched and unclenched on the bar by your feet, “If I’m alone then I’ll get stuck in my head about it. Besides, I consider this a hard victory with a few bumps in the road,” 

   He chuckled, lulling his head a bit, “You’re too stubborn for your own good,”

   You shrugged, “Maybe. How’s Rumlow?”

   Bucky hissed and moved over to the side of the bed where he took a seat, “He’s unconscious. And has a hand that he’ll never be able to use again. But other than that, he’s fine,”

   You chuckled and Bucky watched how the laugh met your eyes. He liked that look on you. It was one of his favorites.

   “Why are you looking at me like that?” You questioned once it fell silent between you two again.

   “You called me Bucky earlier,” he remembered.

   You scoffed, “I call you Bucky all the time,”

   “Not to my face,”

   “Not to your face,” you agreed, a teasing smile dancing on your lips and Bucky had one that mirrored yours. 

   “It was nice. Hearing it, I mean,” he admitted and a wave of warmth made its way to your face.

   “I see your hands are exposed,”

   He looked down as though he weren’t aware that he’d taken off his own gloves, “These bad boys? A friend of mine reminded me that I’m not my past. I’m my present. Why hide my growth?”

   You twiddled your thumbs together, “She sounds smart,”

   Now he scoffed, “Oh, it wasn’t a girl, it was some old buddy of mine.” He quirked up a brow, “Unless the person being a girl would make you jealous because in that case it was most definitely a girl,”

   You fought against the natural tug at the corners of your mouth, “Is she at least pretty?”

   “Stunning,” 

   “Smart?”

   “Genius,”

   “Good at her job?”

   “Amongst the best,”

   “Then consider me jealous, Barnes,”

   Bucky chuckled and you watched how the laugh met his eyes. You liked that look on him. It was one of your favorites.

[naaaafam]

Poll's over, but I still wanna see how many I got, so let's go:

tw bc I like details

1- The Lonely: So many events, just so many. To the point I thought people were being dramatic for clout when they started talking about isolation issues during lockdown.

A funny one: My teacher was taking roll and asked where I was when I was standing right in front of her ( malicious I was just short and thus very below her eyeline. I actually think it was very funny, but it definitely feeds the fear).

And a very not funny one: When I was like 7, one of my Dad's friends joked that my parents had left me and my brother at a party when I asked where they were (very mean, don't do this). I believed him and started mentally preparing to collect my brother and start walking home despite not knowing the way (haha, imagine trusting adults as a child).

2- The Dark: Primary childhood punishment was being locked in the spider infested garage with no lights on until I stopped crying. Very unpleasant and adds to the Lonely!

3- The Corruption: My mattress got infested by insects. What were they? Don't know. How did they get there? Don't know. How long were they in there? Don't know. The only reason we found out about them is that I started getting bites, but I suspect they'd been in there for at least a month bc I had found pupas in my carpet before.

There was also a time as a kid when our entire kitchen got maggots on the floor (think they were living in the trash can and the trash spilled? not sure, I just woke up to it) and my brain has the delightfully unhelpful habit of going "Oh, you don't like this? You think it's disgusting? This is how it would feel if it was inside your throat! :DDD" And there are many other wriggly creatures I hate, so there's that :/

Honorable mentions

The Stranger- When I was young, I mistook someone else for my mom. It was incredibly embarrassing (which is why I don't count it, it wasn't scary to me), so now I'm paranoid about recognizing people. When I do spot someone I recognize, I seem to have a pretty good track record, but I will never approach them unless I am positive they're who I think they are.

The Eye- I just vibe with the eye. I like watching people, I'm curious, and my primary mode of socialization is eavesdropping. Any fears that could be Eye related are much more strongly associated with the Lonely (Wait! Fear of being watched by my bodiless hallucinations. Anything with a physical body watching me doesn't fill me with unbridled fear, but someone thing I can't touch, interact with, or get rid of does; Also, they watch me in the shower with is super rude and creepy >:( Like, jeeze, get a hobby! not that a broken marble statue or a mummy with a plague mask can really get a hobby, but it's the thought that counts)

The Vast- Sometimes, I'll think about how deep the ocean is. How you can't see the bottom and visibility quicky lowers. Anything could be down there. If you fell out of a boat or stopped treading water, you could just disappear forever and no one would find you. One time, I got scared of the deep end of the pool bc I kept imagining creatures down there (weird for me bc I like to go down and touch the bottom of the pool as deep as I possibly can). For the most part though, it's not much of a concern. pretty sure the only event I can attatch to the vast would be when I went to a swimming hole and I couldn't see the bottom, It just disappeared into blue and black. I asked how deep it was and got an answer: Really deep. As a kid (5), I constantly wanted to slip my life vest bc it made it hard to swim properly, but there, I remember holding onto my vest bc I was afraid I would slip out and sink into oblivion.

The Distortion- I used to hallucinate a lot (I hallucinate more than I actively acknowledge). They were never long but were very startling. Gotta hate going into your closet and nearly running face first into a man's chest, except you immediately slam the door shut and when you go back there's no one there. Or opening your bedroom door only to see a smear of shadow that has you convinced someone else is in your room and they just jumped away from the door so you can't see them. I also once heard a multitude of whispering voices behind me. Thought it was my computer, but I only had 1 sound tab open and the whispers were way too loud. Tried to cover my ears, but it was still loud. 0/10 never again. Most of the scary ones happen at night, so that could also be Dark

The Hunt: It's very rare that I have a dream where I'm not being hunted or chased, but they've never registered as scary to me. They just are. The only times they get scary is when I try to call for help or scream, but I'm physically unable (can't let out a single sound, can hardly even wheeze. Getting out even a quiet squeak is a victory), but that isn't fear of being hunted. That might actually fall under Buried since it falls under being trapped with no escape and being unable to breath (+ I like to hide in small spaces, but claustrophobia has nothing to do with it, more like a narrowing awareness. Pretty sure I tried to scream in a wide empty room in a dream and got claustrophobia feelings. Hmmm… claustrophobia of being trapped in your own body? Probably)

So, 3 for sure, possibly 9 if we stretch

there are more events where I could have been marked by other fears, but they didn't scare me, so :/

[neocityjs]

Clingy - LJN

Pairing: boyfriend!jeno x reader

Genre: a lil angst, fluff

Warnings: established relationship, Haechan is a bit annoying in this one I’m sorry (Haechan best boy)

Words: 3k

Summary: hurt after hearing your boyfriend and his friends calling you clingy, you decide to show them how not clingy you can be.

A/N: everything is fictional, including the characters’ traits. English is not my first language, therefore I’m sorry for the errors.

Movie nights with your friends were your favorites.

Well, it’d be more correct for me to say “with your boyfriend’s friends”, since you didn’t know them before meeting Jeno. But that doesn’t matter, because in no time you managed to bond with everyone, especially the clumsy yet adorable kid, Jisung, and the loving caffeine addicted boy, Jaemin.

Movie nights with your friends consisted in you eight – even though today you were only seven since Mark was out with some of his friends – sprawled on one couch –  don’t ask me how, but all of you always manage to fit in since no one wants to sit on the carpet – with a blanket covering you and some snacks passing between. Those represented some of those moments you swear you would cherish for all your life.

Tonight seemed to be no different. Jeno had come picking you up at 7 p.m., you spent some time together, walking around, talking and giggling like usual, and you dropped at his house where other five – well, four boys (Jaemin lost to rock paper scissors so he had to go shopping for snacks) – were waiting for the both of you. Donghyuck always got to choose the movie you would watch, not without complaints from every one of you, yet at the end you’d always like what he picks, but Donghyuck doesn’t need to know that.

And there you were, all sprawled on the couch – though not in a very comfortable position –. You had already seen the movie which was playing loudly on the TV, hence you decided to pay more attention to your boyfriend instead. You were all cuddled up with him: he was hugging you, stroking your back from time to time. Your head was on his shoulder while your hand rested on his chest. Sometimes you couldn’t help but leave a furtive and quick kiss on his jaw, praying no one would notice you. He’d smile at you – gosh his eye smile UWU – and then he’d hug you closer.

About one hour after the movie’s beginning, you felt some physical needs pressing, so you quickly excused yourself and got up from the couch.

“Should I pause it?” Renjun asked, the remote already between his hands.

“No, don’t worry. I’ve already seen it anyway”

You made your way to the bathroom only to find out that the toilet paper was missing.

You sighed. Boys.

So you went back to the living room, where everyone was gathered.

You were about to open your mouth to ask where they kept the spare paper but something odd caught your ear. You backed up, hiding behind the wall. You obviously knew that eavesdropping was not by any means honest, especially if it was a conversation between your best friends. But you were almost certain that they were talking about you, your name dropping from one of the boys’ mouth.

“Enjoy being free while you can” Donghyuck joked with Jeno. You furrowed your brows.

What was that supposed to mean? You peeked your head cautiously, not wanting to be seen.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have a girlfriend” Jisung laughed at him, to which the boy responded with a sharp stare.

“Seriously, Jisung? When you haven’t even had your first kiss?”

“Ya ya ya! Shut up and don’t fight you two” Jaemin intervened, throwing a popcorn at them.

A brief moment of silence followed. You still didn’t understand what they were talking about.

“She’s just affectionate, that’s all” Jeno finally spoke, at which you held your breath.

So they were talking about you being clingy with your boyfriend. And this response from Jeno meant that he didn’t mind it, right? Or else he would have agreed with the boy. The thing is, you never thought about it: you supposed that a little kiss every now and then was a way to show your love and affection to him, plus he never complained about it, or never backed away.

“I know, but don’t tell me you don’t find this suffocating sometimes” Donghyuck continued.

Okay, now he was seriously getting on your nerves. What the heck did he care if you were clingy with your boyfriend? This was something between you and Jeno, and he wasn’t allowed to interfere with it, especially in front of everyone in the room. You thought he was making fun of you by now.

At this point you expected something to come out of Jeno’s mouth, anything that could have proven Donghyuck wrong, but he said nothing.

And silence means consent.

How did you know this? Well, Jeno wasn’t one to back out from speaking his opinion, especially with his friends. Especially with Donghyuck, for God’s sake, this guy was constantly bickering – though not with malicious intentions – with everyone.

“We shouldn’t talk behind her back like this” affirmed Jaemin with a severe stare. Jeno looked down: you didn’t know it but he was feeling suddenly guilty, agreeing with Jaemin. Everyone then went silent, the only sounds that could be heard being the dialogues in the movie.

You pressed your back against the wall, processing what you just heard.

Why didn’t he ever tell you? Why did he act like he loved it while, actually, he hated it? Then you thought about every time you held his hand in public, or hugged him, or kissed him, and then your thoughts went to five minutes before, when you were hugging him on the couch. You started feeling sorry.

Maybe after all it’s true, and he didn’t tell me anything because he didn’t want to hurt me.

But well, now it hurt twice as much since you weren’t aware of what your friends and your own boyfriend thought about you. Maybe every one of them, except for Jeno obviously, thanked God they hadn’t a girlfriend like you, who was suffocating and clingy.

And it was at this moment that your guilt turned into anger.

You just wanted to show all your affection and care to your boyfriend who you loved with all your heart, but apparently you were only bothering him. And Donghyuck - oh Donghyuck – you were so angry at him right now. What was the point in making fun of you in front of everyone when you weren’t even there? At the same time, you took a mental note to thank Jisung and Jaemin, the only two people who stood to defend you.

Okay, tonight you were proving everyone how not clingy you could be. Indeed, you were going to interact the least possible with Jeno. He wanted space? Good, you were giving him tons of it.

You eventually went to the toilet using one of your tissues since you were not asking any of them where the hell was the toilet paper, you washed your hands and went back to the couch.

But this time you didn’t hug Jeno. You simply forced a smile and sat next to him with your arms crossed. You tried not to be too obvious, you still didn’t want them to know that you heard everything, but you were sure your face was saying otherwise, and the confirmation arrived when Jeno asked you “Is everything ok?” full of concern.

You just called me clingy and let Donghyuck make fun of me. Yes, everything’s amazing.

“Yes, of course. Why?” you replied, using all of your acting skills in the process which, by the way, were very poor. But apparently they worked, because Jeno smiled at you and shook his head. “Nothing”.

But if you were successful at lying to him right now, then by the end of the movie he understood that something was wrong. You were avoiding all of his attempts of skin ship because “it was too hot”, but then you were grasping at the blanket like there’s no tomorrow. You were also laughing at everything remotely funny that came out of Jaemin’s mouth while you simply ignored all of Jeno’s attempts of making you laugh. Hell, you didn’t even argue with Donghyuck when he murmured something about Jeno being the most unfunny guy he ever met. Oh and you were playing and laughing with Jisung who was sitting next to you.

In short, you were avoiding him.

But he decided to shrug these thoughts away. Maybe he was being paranoid, he thought: you were just enjoying your friends’ company, plus it wasn’t written anywhere that you were allowed to talk and give attentions only to him.

Little did he know, this was just what you were trying to do: shower everyone with attentions except him.

Eventually the movie came to an end, and while everyone was pronouncing their goodnights and heading to sleep, you just remained there, with your phone between your hands, scrolling mindlessly on your Instagram feed.

Usually you and Jeno would have gone to bed together, sharing your thoughts about the movie you just watched, or simply talking about everything and nothing at the same time. But not today. He wanted space? You were giving him space.

Jeno already stood up to make his departure, but soon noticed you weren’t following him like you always did. “Are you coming?” he asked you, stopping on his tracks.

“I’ll just reply to a few messages and then I’ll go to sleep too. Don’t wait for me, you can go”

“Y/N are you sure everything’s okay? You’ve been acting quite weird. Are you alright? Did something happen?”

“Of course not, Jeno. Nothing happened” you replied rather coldly. Then you sighed. “I’m good, don’t worry for me” you added, softly this time. Although you believed he deserved it, you didn’t want to be too rude to him.

He nodded, and without saying anything more, he left.

At this point you started feeling a tiny bit guilty, still you couldn’t simply pretend nothing happened: their words hurt you and even if you really wished to just forget everything, you couldn’t. You just couldn’t, it was stronger than you.

By the way, you had no intention of sleeping with Jeno tonight, so you grabbed the blanket all of you once shared when watching the movie, and struggled a little bit to find a comfortable position. Eventually, after some tears escaped from your eyes, you drifted into a restless sleep.

It took a couple of hours for Jeno to realize you were not in bed with him.

He just fell asleep, a part of him believing that later you would have joined him. But when he woke up, he immediately sensed that something was off. Still sleepy, he touched the other side of the bed only to find it empty, and immediately stood up. It was 3 A.M, why weren’t you sleeping? What the heck were you doing? Did someone kidnap you? At this point he was surprised of how paranoid he could be.

His thoughts came to an end when he saw you, on the couch, with a blanket shielding you from the cold, all curled up. He didn’t see the dried tears that stained your face, though.

Sitting slowly beside you, not wanting to scare you, he gently shook you, not sure himself if it was the right thing to do. He was just so confused, he genuinely didn’t have any idea of what was happening. But he knew one thing for sure: you had been acting cold with him and he wouldn’t had moved until you confessed what was going on. Was it something he said or did? Was today your anniversary or something and he forgot it? Poor boy absolutely couldn’t find peace unless he knew what he did.

Soon you opened your eyes, still heavy from the – lack of – sleep.

“Hey” he murmured softly.

You considered pretending to sleep but nah, as I said earlier, you weren’t a good actress.

“Hey” you replied, stretching your limbs a little bit.

“I got worried since you weren’t sleeping next to me” he chuckled awkwardly. Sure thing, he didn’t know how to handle this situation since this was the first time you were acting like this.

“I… umm… I just fell asleep here” you replied looking at your hands, which you were scratching due to the nervousness.

Another lie.

Then silence.

“Y/N look at me” his voice suddenly changed, turning colder.

You swallowed, a knot forming again in your throat, as you forced back the tears that were trying to escape. You didn’t want to give in so soon.

But how could you, when he was getting angry at you? You should have been angry, not the opposite. And you know what? He was right, you were taking it too far. He didn’t deserve this. Look at how nice he tried to be all night, you managed to anger a calm and patient man like him. How stupid could you be at this point?

With a quivering lip you turned your head, facing him. He was watching you intently, with a serious frown on his face. Your grip on the blanket got tighter, almost ripping it with your nails.

You stayed silent. Then he spoke.

“Why are you being like this?”

You swallowed. What should you say? Were you even allowed to say anything at this point?

You tried to open your mouth to say something, but as soon as you tried your eyes were filled with tears, rapidly falling on your skin. You just couldn’t take it anymore, so you just faced away and buried your face in the pillow, trying to muffle your sobs. You didn’t want to look so pathetic in his eyes, although by now you thought you were being beyond pathetic.

If earlier there was any anger in Jeno, now every hint of it dissipated at the sight of you crying, curled up on the couch. He suddenly felt guilt taking over him. But the amount of confusion and frustration was bigger, so, as much as it pained him to see you cry because of him, this didn’t prevent him from trying to find out what had gotten into you. He was honestly so tired, he just wanted to sleep with you on his side.

He gently, almost scared, touched your trembling frame, and when he noticed there was no sign of rebellion from you, he lied down and hugged you tightly from behind.

And you kept on crying silently, a loud sob escaping occasionally, as he murmured sweet nothings into your ears, shushing you gently and telling you that everything’s fine, I’m here with you. Just let it out.

When you finally finished crying, he placed a soft kiss on your neck, then another on your wet cheek.

“Wanna talk about it?”

There was no point in lying by now. So you faced him, face full of concern and arms still tightly secured around you. And you just let out everything, from how you overheard their conversation – including how sorry you were for doing it and promising it would never happen again -, to how you were hurt by Donghyuck’s words but mostly by Jeno’s lack of words.

On the other hand, poor Jeno didn’t have any idea this could have affected you so much, and because of this he didn’t even think this could have been the cause of your sudden behavior. He just listened everything silently, surprised, just like a kid to whom the newest things are explained.

“I just got so angry at you for not defending me, and for letting Hyuck make fun of me. So I wanted to distance myself from you as much as possible to have my revenge” you openly confessed, hiding your face in his chest.

“I’m really sorry I took this so far. I should have talked instead” you add.

“Well, that’s true” Jeno replied, “but I can’t say I’m in the right either. First thing, we shouldn’t have talked about you like that, plus I’m really sorry I didn’t say anything to Hyuck, I understand this hurt you a lot”

“But do you really think I’m that clingy? Because if so, all you have to do is say the word and I’ll try to respect you space more” you asked, looking up at him with watery eyes.

And if your ears were sharp enough, you could have heard the sound of Jeno’s heart shattering.

Now he was the one who was on the verge of tears.

“Y/N please don’t ever say such a thing. You don’t have to change anything about yourself. I love you because you are you, including your touchy and loving nature. Besides, don’t look at me this way or I’m seriously gonna cry” he added whining, causing a smile – a real one – to appear on your face.

“Now it’s a lot better” he affirmed, tracing your curled up lips with his thumb.

“Can I kiss you or you’re still mad at me?” he asked.

“I don’t know, I was thinking about making you suffer a little more” you joked.

“Oh my God, you’re unbelievable”

“I think so too”

He raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I should kiss that annoying attitude of yours away”

“I don’t know, should you?”

“I’ll take that as a yes”

And with that he kissed you, the fight of moments ago long forgotten. A slow and gentle kiss, a mixture of emotions being shown: remorse, love, affection. It was a way for the both of you to say “it’s all in the past now”.

After you parted, one thought snapped in his mind.

“Wait, how will you manage the matter with Donghyuck? I can talk to him if you want” he pointed out, concerned. He perfectly understood if you were angry at the boy in question, but he also wished all of you to be as bonded as a big family, his family.

“There’s no need, I’ll just confront him by myself, beat him up until he asks for forgiveness and then forgive and hug him”

Jeno looked at you, almost scared. “What…?”

“Just kidding” you said, laughing at his funny face. Still hugging, you made yourselves comfortable enough to sleep.

“Or maybe not”

[dectech]

Puppet-Prince AU full

Puppet Prince AU Masterpost

I have decided to make a post that compiled all ideas for the Puppet-Prince AU that is far neater and more useful than the current reblog-chain-mess that as of time of writing currently serves its place.

It is a Snowgrave AU where Ralsei takes Noelle’s place and is manipulated via the use of the very same “garbage noise” phone calls that once drove Spamton to madness, and the fluffy prince seeks reassurance from the human he had grown so attached to, only to be taking advantage of and made to do terrible things in a hindered state of mind

Thanks to @spamton-kinnie, @notquitestellar, @megawesomer, @vivitheheiwa,@lordbaphomet, and anyone I forgot to mention for helping me brainstorm ideas and contributing to the AU in general. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you.

This post continues after the cut.

I first had the idea for this AU when I saw this post

(@gamethesoldier )

Afterwards, me and @spamton-kinnie brainstormed a few ideas for a Snowgrave AU revoking around Ralsei in a reblog-chain. I decided to make it its own post. The post gained traction, some more brainstorming was done because I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and now here we are

The run requires making a modified, more powerful version of the Ragger with the mallet dude in ch1. Then, in chapter 2, (somewhat similar to the salt route) the player begins the run by going to a bunch of mysterious, dark areas early on in the cyber field, having the modified Ragger equipped for Ralsei, and using the cell phone.

*you tried to make a call with the cell phone

*you hear something strange on the other end. You can’t quite make it out

Ralsei:

* what’s that? ...hearing something weird?

*... maybe I could be of assistance? I studied a whole bunch of weird darkner languages during my time in the castle!

*(plus... y’know... big ears n’ all... heheh!)

*... huh? W-what? What do you mean...?

*................................

*it... wasn’t anything you need to worry about, Kris.

*(seemed more like it was for me, to be honest)

* o-oh, uhh.... it’s nothing to worry about, Kris.

I-I’m fine, I promise!

Later on...

*You made another phone call. You hear something strange that you can’t quite make out

Ralsei:

*o-oh, Kris? Another phone call? ......Having those problems again? Do you... need me to..... uh....

*U-Um... s-sure!

*..............

*...who are you?.... n-no! Wh-wha.... oh.......

*...................................... o h............

*maybe... maybe we shouldn’t call that number anymore, alright Kris? P-... p-please?

With each phone call, Ralsei grows more and more unnerved and paranoid.

In order to maintain the route, the player must also make Kris choose options that are positive for Ralsei in all character interactions, otherwise he will grow untrustworthy of Kris, suspecting that the player controlling them has malicious intent.

If you encounter all phone calls whilst shower Ralsei in as much affection as possible, the route will be activated, with the first difference occurring when Susie and Ralsei SHOULD split up from Kris.

The scene proceeds like this (pun semi-intended)

Ralsei, having been made very uneasy and paranoid due to the phone calls and been made more comfortable around Kris, really really really wants to go with them.

Because of this, when Susie tries to drag him along with her, he resists Susie with growing stubbornness (and he does it rather violently, too), ending with him releasing a burst of light

(I always liked to imagine Ralsei could passively control light from how he seemed to completely change color when taking off his hat.)

Susie didn’t take Ralsei’s protesting seriously until he started showing serious signs of distress (as well as him getting a bit violent, of course, which was happening simultaneously), at which point she was quick to let him go. Or, at least would’ve been if Ralsei hadn’t already released the burst of light before she had the chance.

(seriously she would have let Ralsei go had it went on a split second longer and he didn’t beat her to it I cannot stress this enough)

Susie is taken aback by this, and at least somewhat hurt by it, both physically and emotionally, feeling like quite a bit like trash because it feels like she hurt her friend, as well as feeling rather isolated again all of a sudden.

“Woah, dude... uh... I’m... sorry. If... if you want to go with Kris that much then... well... you can.”

*she tries hide it a bit*

“...Uh- I’ll meet you later! Have fun with Kris ya dork!”

*it kinda works, but also kinda doesn’t

(Sorry if my writing isn’t all that good, I’m not all that good at writing dialogue)

Ralsei immediately senses that Susie is upset and wants to apologize, but she leaves before he can finish his sentence.

[insert psychological manipulation from the player #1 here]

Feeling horrible about hurting Susie’s feelings, Ralsei says

*oh, Susie! She must have been so hurt! Good lord... I feel terrible!

>*”She was going to get in the way of us”  *“it’s okay. She was forcing you to go along with her when you didn’t want to, and you panicked.”

*but-... but that’s so-! ......

*...I mean... I guess if you say so, ...I guess? She was sorta... in-cooperative last time, wasn’t she?

*.....

*...b-but I really hurt her, Kris! Not only did I hurt her emotionally, but I hurt her physically, too!

*I just can’t help feeling really bad about it, and I feel like I should feel bad about it, too.

>*”the spell protected you, use it more”    *”you probably shouldn’t have been so violent about it, but it’s okay. You panicked, and we can always make amends later”

*...I guess it could be pretty useful, huh Kris?

*...but that still doesn’t really-.......

*........nevermind

*(why was kris acting so weird right then? Is something wrong?)

*(he was so nice to me just minutes earlier, though)

*(maybe it’s nothing to worry about)

*(....for now, at least)

*Ralsei has learned “Light-Burst”

Light-Burst itself is not a seriously damaging spell, but if a significant amount of fights are finished with violence, Ralsei will learn “Focus-Shot”, where the light is concentrated onto a single fingertip (in a finger-gun formation, because the fluffy boi must have his guns), making a much more potent and dangerous version of Light-burst.

Being hit with Finger-Gun-Shot is very similar to being shot with an actual gun, and enemies defeated with it will collapse and pass out from their injuries, incapacitated.

They’ll be fine, though.... right?

(Spoilers: they definitely won’t)

Entering Cyber-city, we encounter Noelle, and she joins our team, this time with Ralsei in tow.

It is possible to do both a Snowgrave run and a Puppet-Prince run at the same time (murder-trio AU), but if you abort the puppet-prince run before encountering Noelle, Ralsei will prevent you from doing a Snowgrave route at all costs. You just get wholesome Ralsei + Noelle interactions instead.

Ralsei follows you/kris into the alleyway where Spamton’s fight occurs, and he accompanies  Kris/you through the fight, quietly drawing connections between Spamton and the phone calls in his mind. Afterwards, he shows interest in Spamton and encourages Kris to pursue the secret boss side-quest.

Upon entering Spamton’s shop, he announces that he just got two new items shipped in from a mysterious supplier just for Kris and Ralsei;

1. “Mike’s Earpiece”- “allows for the best of communication, and a constant stream of the most important updates on [Hyperlink Blocked] directly into your brain!”

(Increases Magic Efficiency, Increases Attack)

Ralsei’s dialogue upon equipping:

“Oh! So we can stay in touch better, right Kris? Thanks!

…oh I do not like the voices…

…uh- i-it’s fine, Kris! After all, why wouldn’t I trust you?”

2.”Thorned Gauntlet”-“a gauntlet covered in glowing thorns. You feel woozy wearing it”

(Increases Attack, decreases defense)

I added the Thorned Gauntlet because I saw the theory that the reason that Kris didn’t resist the Snowgrave route was because he wanted to act super out-of-character in front of Noelle so that she would realize what was happening, and they didn’t realize what the player’s true intentions were until it was too late. I feel like Kris wouldn’t have as much of a reason to go along with the player’s actions, so I wanted something to mess with their mind a bit too in order to hinder their attempts to resist. Because of this, if you don’t have the Thorned Gauntlet equipped, Puppet-Prince dialogue options won’t appear, it will just act as if you chose the aborting options by default.

______________

If you have the Thorned Gauntlet equipped for Kris, Mike’s Earpiece equipped for Ralsei, and get in a fight on the way back from Spamton’s shop, the following scene will activate

Up to this point, After finishing each battle with focus-shot (yes, I’m changing its name to focus-shot), Ralsei would go up to the collapsed enemy and give them a minor healing spell to make sure they’re okay. Not enough to get them back on their feet, mind you, but enough to give Ralsei some peace of mind.

He begins questioning the usage of Focus-Shot whatsoever, and if Kris isn’t downed in the fight, Ralsei will un-learn Focus-shot, aborting the route.

If Kris is downed in the battle and Ralsei has Mike’s Earpiece equipped, he will go berserk, with attack power drastically increasing

The fight will end with a scene where Ralsei goes up to the enemy and repeatedly beats them with the Ragger after they’ve already collapsed, blacking out, and regaining lucidity to see the enemy has vanished, faint glimmering smears of blood and dust where they once stood.

R: “h-huh? Wh-what happened? Where did they..? Did I...? N-no, I couldn’t have...”

Ralsei feels horrible about his outburst (that may or may not have ended with a casualty). He tries to justify it to himself

“This isn’t... this isn’t like me. ....Th-they tried to hurt kris... t-the voices... I-... I wasn’t myself... oh god...”

He turns to Kris for reassurance, or at least some clarity”

“Kris... was... was I.....?” He trails off

>*”you were protecting me” *”your mind was clouded, you couldn’t think rationally”

“But it feels like I went too far! And- and I was hearing all these voices, telling me to do things, bad things, like they were controlling me.... and... and...”

...

“I’m just... so... terrified, Kris. Those phone calls, the things I heard, the things I am hearing. It feels like I haven’t been able to think right in ages. It’s like I’m losing my mind.”

>*” I will protect you. I already have been”.   *”I promise it will be okay”

“Y-you’re right, thank you. I’ve felt safer around you than anyone else. It’s just....

What are we going to do?”

>*”You will protect me like I have been protecting you”   *continue our journey and try to avoid any more strange incidents

“...” it seemed, to him, like words of comfort, but something felt off. Something about how it was worded just set him off slightly

>*Proceed.    *...

“...okay, Kris.”

“Let’s go...”

Ralsei will no longer heal enemies incapacitated with Focus-Shot at the end of battles.

Susie doesn’t meet up with the rest of the party when she usually does. Instead, it seems she’s gotten herself into some sort of trouble. If you are playing an aborted Puppet-Prince route, Kris & co end up going on a side-quest to help her, but if the route remains unbroken, you are unable to do this

As the route continues, Noelle grows more and more concerned for Ralsei’s wellbeing, and more and more suspicious of Kris.

In the Berdly fight, Ralsei seriously wounds Berdly, forcing him to flee lest he be killed. and this seems to be a sort of turning point for Noelle.

The aftermath of the Spamton Neo fight, when Ralsei starts to fully begin losing his grip on reality, solidifies it.

After the Spamton Neo fight, Noelle decides to confront Kris and Ralsei about her concerns. This conversation escalates into a full-blown battle with Noelle. This battle has 2 phases: 1 the main battle, and 2. The finale.

The main battle is what it says on the tin. Noelle can be spared through ACTing (aborting the route), or the battle can be allowed to reach the finale through FIGHTing and using Focus-shot.

During the finale, Noelle collapses, wounded, but she still refuses to give up, building a shield of ice completely around her and firing consistent, low-damage attacks in a sequence similar to that of the end of the Snowgrave Neo fight. This is the player’s last chance to spare Noelle and abort the run. Alternatively, you could try and make Ralsei cast “Floodlight”.

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)1

“Wha.... what.... what do you mean... ‘floodlight’?”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)2

“I... I don’t know... what that spell is....”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)3

“I.. I sw- I swear! I don’t know what you’re-..............”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)4

“............. oh no”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)5

“Please, I... I don’t want to!”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)6

“G-get out of my head!”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)7

“.........Why does everything feel so... strange?”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)8

“...I can’t.... seem to... think”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)9

“...what’s... happening...?”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)10

“...p- please! ........... please....”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)11

“.......................................”

Ralsei>MAGIC> Floodlight (fatal)12

Ralsei cast Floodlight

Ralsei floats up into the air like a corpse tied to balloons, his eyes glowing. Extremely bright beams of light and particles of magic start rapidly emanating from his body and flood the room, twisting in elegant patterns. Noelle’s ice-shield backfires as the frozen crystals concentrate the light and magic inwards, acting like an oven and burning her alive and killing her after a few brief-yet-agonizingly-long moments.

“Wha... what happened...? It was so bright... I couldn’t see-...”

Ralsei spots the large glowing ball of swirling light in front of him, containing the silhouette of Noelle’s body, broken into pieces. He realizes what has happened.

He drops to his knees in front of the orb, muttering “imsosorryimsosorryimsosorry” and “nononononononono” under his breath. He is unresponsive to attempts at interacting with him. Light is bending near him in strange ways, giving him an unearthly appearance.

Just as you are about to leave the room, a voice is heard

“Hey.. it’s him!”

A group of swatchlings and other darkners have found Ralsei and have come to imprison him for the chaos reeked upon cyber city

“...Wh-what? ...What are you doing?!”

He is visibly distressed, although not entirely lucid

“G-... g-get your hands off me...”

His body begins to glow

“....GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME!”

White flash, cut to black. When the screen is revealed, the room is stained periodically with blood and dust, surrounding Ralsei are the remains of those trying to arrest him. They are, beyond any reasonable doubt, dead.

“What... what happened?! Did I...”

Hazy Images flash through Ralsei’s head. Images of him breaking someone’s neck with his scarf, images of him blowing somebody’s brains out with a focused shot of light fired from a finger tip, etc.

“...No, no, that con’t be right-“

Backup arrives

“Oh... oh god... LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Black out again, coming to in a different room, surrounded by more carnage. Kris is no where to be seen. For whatever reason, the SOUL is now following Ralsei.

After the first few killings of the murder spree, it’s like a damn has burst in his head and he can’t seem to stop himself.

More Swatchlings and other darkners come and try to stop Ralsei, starting a fight. No matter how you choose to resolve the fight, either with mercy or violence, the outcome is the same: blacking out and coming to in a different room surrounded by more blood, more dust, more remains, more carnage, with more violent imagery flashing through Ralsei’s head.

Before each time Ralsei blacks out, Kris can be seen in the background desperately trying to catch up to Ralsei

All the while, Ralsei is panicking and loosing control of himself.

“GET AWAY FROM ME! PLEASE!” In both fear for himself and those around him.

You encounter Swatch and fight them. It’s a difficult boss fight of course. A bit of swatchling lore here and there. But eventually they fall like the others

Afterwards, the sequence crescendos, with bloodied rooms blinking by at fractions of a second.

Overwhelmed and traumatized, Ralsei collapses to the ground, clutches his head, and screams.

Our perspective cuts back to Kris. Ralsei is no where to be seen.

When we finally encounter Ralsei again, it is clear he has finally been fully broken

His clothes are bloodstained, and when we first see him, he is stoic and entranced

When he notices Kris, Ralsei abruptly switches to a “happier” appearance.

He seems to be maintaining (or at least trying to maintain)  a veneer of his usual lighthearted, optimistic self, but it has been twisted and warped beyond recognition, reminiscent of Spamton or Jevil

Later on, Ralsei kills the Queen in her boss fight

And so that is, as of now, the entire Puppet-Prince route AU! I hope it was good! You can feel free to add on and/or make fan-art of if you want, I’d be absolutely ecstatic! I’m always open to feedback!

[mwolf0epsilon]

What are your top 10 favourite clones and why? (If you don't have 10 favourite clones just list the ones you like and why)

My top 10 list of favourite clones (1 being the one highest on the list, 10 being the lowest):

Gregor - As a whole, Gregor's storyline is one that I find vastly intriguing and compelling. Here's a clone that forgot he was a clone, lived a civilian life for a while, reclaimed his identity and capabilities in one single day, and went down fighting only to spring back onto his feet unexpectedly years later. Out of thousands of clones, Gregor was one of the very few that made it to old age and that's a sign of pure resilience and ingenuity on his part, and I absolutely adore him.

Rex - There's no bigger tragedy than seeing a loyal and devoted clone like Rex go through so much and getting so little in return. He feels like that one childhood friend you grew up with that you'd be glad to have your back, because you know he'd never turn you away even if you were at your lowest. He deserves so much better than what he got in the end, and I'm happy he at least got to grow old and have two brothers with him to keep him company.

Dogma - Where do I begin with Dogma... He's Slick done right. He's a loyal dogmatic clone that did everything by the book, followed orders like he was conditioned to do since decanting, and was even said to be exactly like Rex was when he first joined the 501st. And what did that get him? His trust abused by someone he was basically brainwashed to think was infallible and trustworthy, anger from his brothers who likely scorned him to the very end, and likely either a decommissioning or reconditioning for executing a Jedi. Dogma is a difficult topic overall, because he was wrong in turning his back on his kin but he did it for logical and understandable reason. The Jedi could do no wrong by clone standards, and Dogma followed this blind trust to the end until he was proven wrong... And even sparing Rex from taking the shot was a painful affair to behold, because you could see his world crumbling around him afterwards.

Tup - My heart aches for Tup. He went through a lot and, like Rex, got very little in return. And then his chip malfunctioned and he wasn't even treated with dignity for the remainder of his incredibly short life. His last moments were spent bound like a rabid animal, thrown around by both the Separatists and Kaminoans, and then when salvation was in sight he still died because by that point he'd deteriorated too much and had been essentially tortured rather than treated with care. I'm just glad he had Fives there so he didn't march on alone and surrounded by careless people.

Echo - There's so much wrong with what happened to Echo. He was ridiculed for repeating orders and liking to read the reg manuals for fun, he had to watch his older unarmed and armourless brother get shot down in cold blood, got blown up and basically left for dead, put through unethical experiments, treated with mild distrust by the brothers who did rescue him, and on top of that he lost Fives and likely never learned the true story behind it. I highly doubt he's had time to process anything, and his disgruntled moodiness in TBB makes me really worry for him sometimes... I just want to wrap him in a blanket and tell him it'll be ok one day. Just, let this man rest, grieve and regain his health...

Fives - This poor man has seen some shit, lived through some shit, and then got done dirty when he was trying to save his brothers and the Jedi from a horrifically malicious plot. Not to mention I doubt he had time to process any of the losses he suffered. Specifically of the brothers that were closest to him like Echo, Hardcase and Tup. Where Echo's life is unfair, Fives's demise is just awful...

Wolffe - Sassy, grumpy, slightly paranoid but still got cool uncle that you'd die for vibes? Wolffe is the full package. Also in rebels he lives up to his name and he's goddamn feral on the battle at Seelos. You go grandpa! Go off king! Violence!!!!

Fox - I wish we'd gotten more of him so that people could have gotten to know him better (and maybe grow attached), because I'm tired of all the Fox bashing that goes on in this fandom. Yes he wasn't very kind to Ahsoka, and yes he shot Fives. His sole job is to defend the people of Coruscant, and then suddenly there's a terrorist attack which has evidence that points to Ahsoka, and then there was a call that Fives tried to assassinate the chancellor. He's not omnipotent and I can guarantee that life as a guardsman was not great, so we have no idea what set of circumstances have led to Fox's gruff and abrasive tactics being his go to for any given disastrous situation like this...

Crosshair - It's all about the potential. Either this aggressive tooka of a man will get a pretty good redemption arc like Kallus, or he'll turn out to be that one antagonist that we grow to love/hate in all the best ways. I personally hope for a redemption arc that progresses seasonally rather than quickly, but that's not up to me.

Peel - So there's this one 212th background character that got turned into a vampire monster once...

That's it. That's my sole reason for liking him.

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song ix.

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader   au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, angst, soojung and oc’s mother being the best, minor food mention (not feeling hungry when stressed), hope, the tiniest bit of fluff, a cliffhanger of sorts!  words; 6,161 

Read Seokjin’s chapter ix here

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)

Soojung found you curled up on the sofa a few hours later when she came home from work. You’d tried watching television, hoping the distraction would be successful but your mind just wouldn’t switch off, replaying the day’s earlier events. You didn’t want to think just yet but that’s all your mind could do. Going around and around in circles. Hearing Soojung’s keys in the door you felt a wave of nausea knowing you’d have to talk about it. Not that you didn’t want to confide in your best friend, it was just explaining everything meant that it was all real… 

She stuck her head around the door, sounding momentarily confused. “What are you doing back already? I wasn’t expecting you until la– Y/N?” She caught the look on your face immediately and just like she knew something was up. She rushed over. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

Instantly you felt your face crumble, tears blurring your vision. “It’s stupid really,” you insisted, wiping your eyes as she came to join you, a protective arm wrapping around your shoulders. The small action at least made you feel a little better. “I don’t understand why I’m crying.” You hadn’t felt the need to cry until now. Maybe it was because you could always be vulnerable with your best friend. You didn’t need to be strong. She’d seen you at your worst. 

“Did…Did you guys argue?” She sounded unsure, confused as to what could be the issue. 

You sniffed, composing yourself. “No. Not really,” you let out a groan, “oh, god, Soo. It was awful. Seokjin’s ex-wife turned up…” 

You spent the next fifteen minutes telling her what happened, although a lot of it was a blur of raised voices and insults. One thing you knew for certain though, was that you’d never felt so awkward in your entire life. You’d watched your boyfriend arguing with his ex-wife feeling so incredibly out of the loop it was embarrassing. 

You’d never demanded to know every single detail about his marriage – you hadn’t even wanted to know. It wasn’t your business after all, nor did you want Seokjin to relive things he didn’t want to, or dwell on the past. You understood that more than anyone, what with your relationship with Donghae, but he’d openly revealed a lot to you. He’d confided in you, shared some hurtful details of his divorce and in turn you had entrusted him with your own past, your own bad memories… 

There had been many surprises this afternoon, but one certain revelation kept replaying in your head. It was all you could think about. To learn he’d left out something as major as getting cheated on… Having to find out like that… You were still reeling from the bombshell. Why hadn’t he told you? You’d both been through the same thing… Didn’t he trust you enough? You didn’t understand and you couldn’t stop yourself from feeling hurt. 

“You don’t think he’s still in love with her, do you?” Soojung asked hesitantly. 

“No,” you shook your head. Regardless of the mess that were your thoughts right now, you didn’t think that at all. Yes, it was easy to let your doubts take over in the first few moments you’d set eyes on Nana, she was beautiful, although you hadn’t expected anything less, but you knew not to feel paranoid when it came to that. Regardless of today’s shock, you didn’t doubt Seokjin’s feelings for you, and you knew very well he no longer loved his ex-wife. 

“I think he’s just very bitter about everything,” you continued. “Mostly about how infrequently she sees Arin.” 

“Do you think it’s a problem?” 

Shrugging slightly, you didn’t really know what to say. “She’s been seeing her quite often lately. There was last weekend, but it shouldn’t have been that much of an issue.” Seokjin hadn’t been angry over that, or at least he hadn’t let on he was… Maybe he had and had just hid it well. With that thought, you remembered something. “It was just her face… while Seokjin was saying all those things to her. She looked so upset… I’ve never seen him like that.” 

It had been jarring seeing him so angry. He was usually soft-spoken and well-mannered. Even when he was irritated he stayed silent. You understood that he was only human, everyone had emotions, and his had bubbled over today, but it was still surprising. You hadn’t been expecting to be in the middle of a shouting match between him and his ex-wife. 

“But you knew they didn’t get on?” Soojung gently prodded, rubbing your upper back. 

“Yeah.” You swallowed. “Just seeing it in person… I can’t believe he didn’t tell her about us.” 

Your mind was all over the place, unable to concentrate on one issue for long enough. You really had been living in your own little world this entire time. So incredibly happy and blissfully content. It had been so easy to forget that Nana existed when it came to your relationship with Seokjin. To you, she was just Arin’s mom, who she spoke about sometimes, but not very often, in your presence. It was easy to put her to the back of your mind, it was easy not to think of her at all. Why would you? You didn’t even know what she looked like until today. All the photos you’d seen of a younger Seokjin, of Arin as a baby, had never once included her. You knew who she was, knew her name, but that was all. 

So you’d just assumed she knew about you too. You’d assumed Seokjin had told her without needing any confirmation. You’d assumed she’d known that you would be looking after Arin last weekend. You’d assumed she was perfectly fine with it. In reality she had no clue you existed. You were almost certain Seokjin hadn’t done it maliciously, he wasn’t that type of man, but seeing him today, how casually he had brushed off her concerns… As much as it had hurt to be thought of as a stranger, you understood why that was the case. Seokjin hadn’t. As stubborn as always, he refused to see where he had done wrong. 

“That is a bit odd,” Soojung agreed. “And even though she was a bitch to you, I guess I’d be pissed too if I found out the way she had.” 

You snorted softly. Soojung had been ready to fight when she’d first heard the things Nana had said to you, but she knew you were fine, you could handle yourself. “Ugh, it’s all such a mess,” you groaned. “I would’ve never looked after Arin last weekend if I’d known Nana had no clue.” You should have made sure. Why hadn’t you?

“I guess Seokjin had his reasons,” Soo reasoned. “Maybe he knew how his ex would react.” 

“Maybe,” you agreed before sighing. “I don’t know. There’s things he never told me either.” Maybe you were finding out that Seokjin was a very secretive person, who knew… “She cheated on him, Soo.” You were back there again. Soojung hummed in understanding. “Is it silly of me to be upset?” 

“No, it’s valid.” 

“I told him about Donghae,” you whispered. “I really opened up to him and he was so sweet and understanding. Why didn’t he tell me he’d been through the same thing?” No matter how many times you went through it in your head you couldn’t think of an answer. It didn’t make sense. Especially because he’d opened up to you so easily in regard to everything else. What made this so different?

“Maybe he just didn’t want to make it about him,” Soojung offered. 

“I don’t know… Maybe.” You groaned, thinking you were being selfish. He probably had a good reason when he didn’t tell you. There were more pressing issues right now anyway… You knew that, and immediately your head begin to spin again. 

“The whole stepmom thing,” you muttered, “it’s left me a little frazzled.” 

Soojung kept up with your disorderly thoughts expertly. “In what way?” 

You gave a little shrug, voice barely there because you didn’t want to admit it out loud. “It made me question things…”

“I thought you liked where things were heading?” Your best friend couldn’t hide the shock from her voice. 

“I do,” you replied, “or at least, I did.” Where were things actually heading? You didn’t know anymore. “I just wasn’t really thinking.”

“Of what it all meant?” 

You nodded slowly. “I lost myself for a while.” 

In a way, you had been in your own little bubble for these past few months – you, Seokjin and Arin. You’d had the most amazing summer, falling harder and harder for Seokjin and in the process Arin had captured your whole heart. She was such a sweet little girl, humorous and thoughtful, Seokjin and Nana had brought her up well. Your time together had been incomparable, your happiness unmatched, but in the process you’d ignored a few things. 

“So what are you saying?” Soojung asked gently. 

Your throat felt dry. “I’m afraid it’s all moving too fast.” 

It was a lot to take in. You had been together barely four months but here you were thinking about the word stepmom. How scary the word sounded, how scary it felt…

“You want to slow it down?”

“It’s probably too late for that,” you chuckled quietly. You felt your heart squeeze. “Soojung, I think I’m in love with him.” 

It felt almost relieving to confess such a thing, despite your heavy heart over today. Your feelings had been harder and harder to ignore these past couple of weeks, but you’d tried your best, not wanting to rush anything. Right now you were confused and hurt, but one thing was blatantly clear. You loved him. 

“It’s scary,” you whispered, feeling Soo rub your back again, listening silently. “Falling so fast.” Especially after everything you’d been through with Donghae. You were scared. Despite opening up your heart to Seokjin easily, this was different. Things seemed so complicated now, when not six hours ago they had been nothing more than simple. 

“Today was a massive reality check,” you scoffed. “I’ve been spending these past few months playing house with Seokjin and Arin, it was bound to catch up with us sometime.” 

“You liked it though,” your best friend encouraged, voice gentle. “I’ve never seen you so happy… Not since… Well, not even then.” 

“Everything just felt so… perfect,” you agreed. Everything had slotted into place easily. “And natural, and just, nice.” For lack of a better word. Your brain was pulp. 

“Arin obviously felt comfortable enough to call you her stepmom in front of her own mom?” You didn’t even notice Soojung’s change of direction. 

“I don’t know, I think she was just confused. You know what kids are like together. She heard her friend talking about it and they probably got excited.”

“Would you like to be her stepmom?”

You paused then, realising what had just happened. She knew you well, knew what was bothering you, conflicting your mind. You gave her a small smile. “She’s a sweet child, but it’s not that simple right now. It’s not only my decision either.” 

Truthfully you hadn’t thought about it before today, but now it was one of the things at the forefront of your mind. If everything worked out okay then you and Seokjin would only grow more serious. From strength to strength and what did that mean? However, now you knew that Nana wasn’t exactly your biggest fan… You felt fresh frustration, deflated yet again. Today had gone terrible. 

“You’re right,” Soojung agreed, “but it’s something you need to be comfortable with too.” 

That was true. These were things you needed to talk about with Seokjin. Then again, maybe you should’ve talked about them before. You had no clue how he felt regarding the topic, well… not explicitly anyway. 

“Seokjin comparing the both of us made me feel horrendous.” You found yourself admitting. “I’m not trying to be Arin’s mother. I wasn’t even trying to be her stepmother. Not yet. I haven’t thought about it until now. I just… I loved being a part of her life in my own little way.” 

You never wanted to replace Nana. You hated thinking like this, but what if Seokjin had been looking for that the whole time? A new mother for his daughter… You were almost positive that wasn’t the case, but you were so drained right now, your mind was all over the place. You kept replaying in your head what he had shouted at Nana over and over again. 

“He can’t expect you to take on that role, not when she already has a mother,” Soojung said carefully. “But you can be there for Arin in other ways – in similar ways. You’ve been teaching and caring for kids for years, so I hope you’re not undermining your capabilities.” 

You smiled then, grateful, leaning on her shoulder. “Thank you.” You definitely weren’t doing that but being a teacher and a mother were two totally different things. Especially when it wasn’t your biological child. 

“Ugh, I’m just exhausted,” you groaned, laying back against the sofa and shutting your eyes. “My head’s a mess.” You didn’t want to talk about it any longer, switching off sounded really good right now and Soojung understood that perfectly. 

She tapped your arm. “I’m going to cancel my plans with Tae.” You opened your eyes, mouth open ready to fight. “He’ll be fine.” She insisted. “Me and you are gonna get takeout and ice cream and just stop thinking. We’re going to pull the One Tree Hill boxset out and pretend we’re still in high school.” 

You weren’t going to lie, that did sound like fun. It was also foolproof. You’d been doing it since you were seventeen, when Soojung had got dumped for the first time. “Great idea.” 

She leaned in for a hug. “You told him you need space to think, so that’s what you’re going to do. But not tonight. No rush.” 

As she pulled back you took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “I love you.” 

“And I love you,” she grinned. “Now, let me grab my phone.”  

You woke up early the next morning, like really early, 5am, which wasn’t ideal seeing as you’d struggled to get to sleep the night before. Your mind and heart felt heavy, but you forced yourself to get up and shower because there was no point trying to fall back to sleep for an hour. You had school, and that meant you had to try your best to look presentable for the kids – and happy. A bunch of 6-7 year olds were scarily talented at reading an adult’s mood you’d come to find out. 

You didn’t eat much of your breakfast, which wasn’t a surprise because when you were stressed or sad you never felt practically hungry anyway, and left for work long before Soojung even had a chance to wake up, thinking your classroom so early in the morning might give you some sense of clarity. Either that or stop the buzzing of your thoughts that couldn’t seem to keep away. The change of scenery would hopefully do you some good.   

You were at your desk trying to organise your planner for the week ahead, 7:04am, when your cell phone began buzzing. You looked across at the device, face up a few inches away from you and felt your stomach squeeze. Filling the screen was a picture of Seokjin and you at an amusement park he’d dragged you to over the summer, like the big kid he was at heart. Seeing his smiley face made your heart hurt. You thought about leaving it ring, you could pretend you were busy and let him leave a message, but no matter how much you wanted to do it, you couldn’t. 

The phone felt heavy in your hand as you picked up. Your voice didn’t sound like yours. “Hello.” 

“Y/N,” he breathed, sounding somewhat relieved. You had taken a while to make your decision. “Are you free to talk?”

He sounded tired and unlike his usual self, and a part of you wanted to rush over and talk to him in person, to check in on him and see how he was doing, because as much as yesterday hadn’t been nice for you, it hadn’t been too great for him either… However, you knew that was a bad idea, you’d said you had needed time. A few hours wasn’t that. 

“Um, yeah,” you replied, opening your mouth again to remind him about what you’d said yesterday, but already he was rushing forward, eager to say his piece. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night, I guess… I guess I needed time too.” He sounded hesitant, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him you had never been expected (nor wanting) a phone call. “Do you want to meet up for lunch?”

Your voice was gentle. “I don’t think that’s a good idea today.” Maybe he’d misunderstood you, you needed longer, besides, things weren’t going to get sorted out in under an hour during your lunch break from work. It wasn’t as simple as that – you wished it was. 

There was a pause his side, then – “Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“Seokjin, I’m not mad,” you sighed softly. “I’m just…” What were you? Frustrated more than anything. It was hard to explain. In a way you felt sorry for him, but you also felt sorry for Nana. “I have a lot of questions that I don’t think I’m ready to ask just yet.” 

His voice was careful as he asked you, “When do you think you will be ready?”

“I don’t know,” you told him truthfully. “I need time to think and it’s pretty hard when I have work all week.” Neglecting your job was foolish – impossible to think of, actually. 

“I understand.” Of course he did. He was nothing but understanding when it came to you and your relationship together. That’s the Seokjin you knew and adored… the one you loved… 

“Is Arin okay?” You found yourself asking. You knew you should probably say your goodbyes, but you’d woken up feeling terribly guilty that you’d just upped and left her like that yesterday. “I’m sorry I ran off without saying goodbye to her.” 

“She’s doing okay, I tried telling…” He trailed off suddenly, and you guessed he thought he was overstepping the mark. The mark you’d put in place. “She asked where you went, I said something came up.” 

“Oh.” You’d thought about popping your head around the door and saying goodbye yesterday but just couldn’t do it. You hated to think she’d thought you had left her too. “I really am sorry about that.”  

“Y/N, it’s fine. Please never be sorry,” he murmured softly. 

You smiled sadly at his sentiment. “Are you okay?” You shouldn’t really ask, not when you needed to hang up and take that space you both needed, but you couldn’t help yourself. It felt wrong not to check in. 

“Could be better,” he chuckled slightly. You appreciated his honesty. “You?” 

“The same.” There was no point pretending. “I think some space will do us good. Let’s just think about everything and then we can talk.” 

“Okay,” he agreed simply. There wasn’t much else he could say. If he disagreed in any way you knew he would never tell you. He wanted to respect your wishes. 

“I’ll call you towards the end of the week?” You could get through the work week, have some time to yourself in the evenings and then meet up on Saturday. 

“Yeah, that sounds good. I agree.” Yet, he sounded a little dejected. 

“Okay.” You had to leave it at that. “I gotta go,” you told him, even though you were in no rush to leave for work, already in your classroom. 

“Of course, bye, Y/N.” You heard some background noise and then a familiar voice in the background – Misook. As it was for you, life went on. Arin had to get ready for school, he had to get ready for work… You couldn’t both wallow in self-pity all day. “Take care,” he told you. It sounded awkward, as if he didn’t know what to say. 

“Bye, Seokjin.” You felt just the same. Even right at the beginning your phone conversations had never been this wooden. 

You hung up first, and then there was silence, except for the ticking of the clock on the wall opposite. You watched the red second hand move, feeling as if it was mocking you.

The week was slow. It was an average one, but it dragged by. On Monday you had to sit through the usual chitchat inside the teacher’s lounge during lunch, catching up on everyone’s weekends. When Eunbi asked how yours had gone you’d breezed past it, expertly changing the subject to her weekend visiting Jungkook’s parents. Other than that, there was really no need for Seokjin to come up in conversation, which you were thankful for. You spent the rest of the week busy with the children, staying behind a lot later than usual just because it was easier inside your classroom. 

At home you found yourself missing Seokjin like crazy. Ever since your first date you’d been in regular contact throughout the week, and then when things had gotten serious, you’d spoken to him every day – even if it was just on the phone in the evenings once school started back. For all contact to be gone was strange. You hated it, felt as if a part of you was missing. But you knew it needed to be done. As the days went (dragged) by you no longer felt overwhelmed by Sunday’s events. The shock had worn off and you had time to dissect it all, whether it be over dinner on your own when Soo was working late, or when you were in bed for the night, waiting to drop off. The more you broke it down the easier it was to place things in different categories. All the things that had shocked you, the things that had hurt you, and then finally, the things that had made you feel guilty. 

On Thursday night you promised your mom you’d have dinner with her. Jonathon was abroad visiting his children and she hadn’t been able to get time off work to join him. She was bored at home all alone, so you really couldn’t say no despite a part of you wanting to. Before you arrived you’d made the decision not to tell her about your…what could you call it? It was hardly an argument with Seokjin. A disagreement..? Whatever it was, you didn’t want to worry her. After all this time she was over the moon you’d finally met someone you really cared about and you knew it was stupid, but you didn’t want to make her worry.  

However, that all went out the window as soon as she opened the door to you. She was your mom for crying out loud, who could you confide in if it wasn’t her? She listened to you attentively. All your thoughts, all your worries – even if the potatoes were at risk of cremating, and it felt good to have your mother by your side. 

“Seokjin is a lovely man, anyone can see that, but he’s allowed his flaws. He’s only human,” she reasoned, your conversation coming back to the way he’d acted around Nana. You knew your mother was right, and you were in no way judging him for it, but it had been very jarring seeing him change so suddenly. “Obviously he and his ex-wife bring out the worst in each other. Sounds to me as if they’re so used to hurting one another it’s become the norm.” 

You nodded in silent agreement, thinking back to them hurling abuse at one another as if it was the most natural thing. In a way it had turned into a competition. Who could hurt one other the most. In the end, Seokjin had dealt the final blow. You. You could still see the hurt on Nana’s face now, even though it was days ago. It made your chest heavy all over again. You told your mom just as much. 

“There’s no need to feel so guilty, love,” she told you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “None of this is your fault. Seokjin, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, used you as a way to hurt Nana, and you need to tell him that you’re not okay with that.” 

That was the part that had hurt the most now that you’d had enough time to think. Above all else, not telling Nana about you, the catalyst that led to his divorce, it was being used as some kind of weapon that stuck out. You had never wanted that. You had never asked for it. 

“You are his girlfriend first and foremost.” Your mom continued. “Yes, you care for Arin but these things need to be spoken about first. You have never wanted to be, nor felt like you were the child’s mother. You know your boundaries and so should he.” 

She was correct. You’d been so hesitant not to overstep the mark these past few months. You’d even been in two minds whether or not to offer to babysit Arin that weekend. You’d thought Seokjin understood that, your cautiousness when it came to the role you played in her life. After all, your relationship was still new, and Nana was very much a part of Arin’s life. However he had disregarded that all to throw a few cheap shots. 

Your conversation shifted to Arin then. It was easy to sympathise with her, after all you’d been in her shoes once. Parents who seemed to fight more than they did talk. It had gotten better for you though, their relationship turning amiable once the divorce had settled. For Arin, it seemed to be only getting worse. You wished you could talk some sense into Seokjin. He might’ve thought that Arin was okay with her parents barely having any contact but you knew that wasn’t the case. It had been very telling to hear that Arin never brought Seokjin up in conversation with her own mother. That’s why it had taken Nana so long to find out about you. Deep down that little girl knew that her mom didn’t want to hear her dad’s name, and that was heart breaking. 

Somewhere along the way, your mom asked you what you thought about Arin calling you her stepmother. Despite it being done innocently, the weight of the word meant so much more to the adults in the situation and you agreed. It had been strange to hear, and not just because it had come from Nana’s mouth. You were serious about Seokjin and could see a future with him, and that meant being in Arin’s life permanently. That word wasn’t so farfetched and you’d had plenty of time to think about it this week. What it meant for you, Arin, and of course Nana. 

“How did you feel when dad first met Dahae?” You asked your mom. These things had never really come up in conversation before, which was surprising, but right now you needed any advice and insight you could get. Your mom had been in Nana’s shoes once after all. All those years ago. 

“I was…happy for him,” she replied hesitantly. “It took time. It’s a confusing thing. I no longer loved your father but it felt strange to see him with someone else. Of course, everyone is different. Not one relationship is the same,” she added. 

You nodded in understanding. Your father had met Dahae, his wife, when you were twelve. You had grown up with her and it didn’t feel odd to think of her as a second mom. You still called her by her name but when in conversation with others you often referred to her as your stepmom. Always had, for as long as you could remember. Maybe it was after the wedding, but you couldn’t be too sure. Definitely before she gave birth to your siblings though. 

It was different with Jonathon. He’d always been “your mother’s husband” and not because you didn’t care for him or think he was a lovely man. He was, and you liked him very much, it was just… You were an adult when you met him, twenty to be exact, living across the country for college. The bond wasn’t quite there like it was with Dahae, but your mom understood that – so did Jonathon. But it made you pause and think. You’d never asked your mom how she felt hearing you call Dahae your stepmother. It had never crossed your mind until now. 

“I didn’t like the idea at first, I have to admit, but who would?” She confessed. “It’s hard not to feel hurt or threatened, a whole load of different emotions,” she gave a small shrug, “but meeting Dahae, and seeing how kind a woman she was, and how much you meant to her made me see things differently.” 

You smiled, silently hoping that one Nana would think and feel the same way when it came to you. You could only cross your fingers and try your best in the meantime. 

Your mom nudged you, a playful lilt to her voice. “I think you’re very lucky to have two wonderful women in your life that love you and want the best for you – and yes, that’s a brag on my part.” 

You laughed with her, but your worries were getting the best of you again, turning you sombre. “What if Nana never accepts me though?” 

“I think you should only think about that if it happens,” she replied. “There’s no point expecting the worst right now.” 

You still didn’t feel very hopeful though, it was probably written all over your face. Sweeping some hair out of your eyes, your mother’s voice was soft. “Love, she had no idea you existed, I think her anger was warranted.” A pause, tone changing. “Although, not at you. I’m not very happy about that.” 

You chuckled at that. “It’s fine. You know I can look after myself.” You were feisty when you wanted to be, or scrappy as Seokjin had so comically put it once. 

Wrapping an arm around you once more, she squeezed you gently. “Talk to him.” She urged. “You miss him. This time apart is getting pointless, you already know how you feel.” 

You did. Your feelings were as strong as ever. 

You had been itching to pick up the phone last night and just call him already, but you’d said Saturday. You only had one day left at work, you could hold out until then. It would be better that way, you didn’t want to interrupt a potentially busy day. Friday’s were often crazy for him, you didn’t want to be a distraction. 

However, come morning break you bumped into Hoseok coming out of your classroom, eager to rush to your car and grab the apple that must have rolled out of your bag and onto the seat. (Hopefully – if it was on the floor it was going in the trash ASAP). 

“Hi, Y/N. How are you today?” He politely asked. 

“Fine, thank you.” Talking with Hoseok always came easily, regardless of his position as the principal. “Glad it’s the weekend tomorrow. How about you?” 

“My thoughts exactly,” he laughed, before adding, “Although, I hear Arin’s started hers early.” 

“Oh?” You were immediately lost. Had you missed something? You hadn’t seen Arin at school all week, which wasn’t strange. Your paths rarely crossed these days unless you were on yard duty, and if you were being honest, you were glad it hadn’t been this week. She must have had an inkling something was wrong right now, she hadn’t seen you at all since Sunday, so you were relieved to know you didn’t have to answer any awkward questions. It was selfish, you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. 

Hoseok looked confused by your reaction, but carried on regardless, shaking it off. “Seokjin called up yesterday, said she’d be visiting her mom earlier this weekend if it was possible. I figured maybe you and he had plans for tonight.” 

You froze, forcing yourself to reply because your boss was waiting for one. “Oh, no.” You swallowed, coming up blank. “No plans.” 

If Hoseok noticed your woodenness he didn’t let on. “One day couldn’t possibly hurt her education, right? But don’t tell the board I said that,” he added with a laugh. 

You made yourself join in, although your mind was racing. “Secret’s safe with me.” 

He smiled at you, giving you a nod. “Enjoy your weekend, alright? See you Monday.” 

Thank God he had somewhere to be. You nodded back, watching him already begin to walk away. “And you, Hoseok.” 

You proceeded to sit in your car for twenty minutes, half eaten apple already turning brown as you racked your brain. It wasn’t Nana’s weekend to have Arin. Was something wrong? You were probably being silly, conjuring up the worst case scenarios for no reason. If something had happened, Seokjin would have contacted you. He knew he could always count on you, but… You had told him you needed space and he’d agreed. He was a man of his word, so if something had happened, what if he thought he couldn’t call you?

You pulled your phone out of your bag at the thought, clicking on his contact but stopped yourself when you saw the time. You had just under five minutes to be back at class… I’m being irrational, you told yourself. If something was wrong he would have informed Hoseok, and the principal sounded absolutely fine. You were worrying for no reason. If something had happened, something bad, he wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to you. You knew that, and so did he. Only a few more hours and you’d get to talk to him. Most of those involved sleep. You could wait until tomorrow morning. You could. 

.

.

You couldn’t. 

It was half 9 and you were home alone. It was Soojung and Taehyung’s date night and she was spending the night at his place, so all you had for company were your own thoughts – and RJ, the alpaca plush Seokjin had won for all those months previous. You couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow, your mom was right, what was the point in waiting when you knew how you felt. You wanted to see Seokjin, to talk to him and feel him. You missed him like crazy. 

Turning the television down low you grabbed for your phone which had slipped in between the sofa cushions. This time you didn’t hesitate, no work commitments calling your name, and dialled Seokjin’s number straight away. He picked up after only two rings. 

 “Y/N,” he breathed, sounding more than surprised. 

“Hey, you,” you smiled into the receiver. It felt good to hear his voice again. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to call tonight.” 

“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” 

“Of course not. Well,” he paused to laugh, “I was just about to head to bed.” 

He sounded a lot like his usual self tonight, it eased your mind. You laughed along softly, a confession slipping past your lips. “I was going to wait until tomorrow but Soojung is with Taehyung tonight and being alone means I can’t stop thinking about you.” 

You heard a sigh of relief his end. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all week.” The longing in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “Are you ready to talk? I’m willing to answer any questions you have.” 

“I’m ready,” you nodded. “Should I come over? I don’t want to do this over the phone.” 

“I can come to you?” He suggested instead. “Arin’s with Nana until Sunday.” 

“Oh.” You thought to ask him how come, but stopped yourself, you could get to that in person. He didn’t sound upset, which you took as a good sign. “Okay. Now?” 

“It’s not too late?” He checked. 

“No, it’s fine.” You were eager, shaking you head as you replied, and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. “I really want to see you.” 

You could hear his smile too. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Really soon.” You heard his footsteps along the floor, the sound of a drawer opening as if he was finding something to wear. 

“Don’t speed,” you added, as a joke more than anything. 

“Of course I won’t,” he laughed. “I’m going to hang up now but I won’t be long.” 

“Okay, see you soon, Seokjin.” It was silly, but you didn’t want the phone call to end even though in under half an hour he’d be here. 

But you could be patient. 

You could. 

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021