#the first like 35 seconds are good and then the sadness starts

[muffinrag]

can't put a video in reblogs so new post. have the miserable pathetic bones of my flayed and gutted project. unmute for the full effect. if somebody could tell me i'm good at this to reignite my desire to work on it that'd be poggers but don't feel obligated

[orcelito]

ok, i cant resist the urge to make a post about it after all, especially since it's related to a post i made prior

one of my favorite moments in trimax is By Far this part in chapter 35

[ID: Two pages from Trigun. The first starts with Wolfwood thinking, "Now that I think 'bout it, it may be one of the major differences between our species." That deep rooted dear I felt on the ship…" He thinks of Vash crying blood and, swearing, wonders, "Is he the one who can save humankind? That monster?" Wolfwood is briefly shown in resolution before someone calls, "Hey, Wolfwood!" and he looks up with surprise.

Vash sits with a smile at the edge of a rooftop, backed by the Fifth Moon and its prominent crater. Vash asks with a smile, "Just coming back now? You're a bit of a night owl, huh?" Wolfwood looks taken aback and wary. End ID]

Right Here. Vash is just sitting there, smiling like normal, but he's got the backdrop of the damage he caused on the moon set Perfectly behind him. it's a glaring reminder to Wolfwood of who exactly he's dealing with here, and that TERRIFIES him.

& the fact that Wolfwood still remembers that moment of crying blood as a moment of true fear. because for all the cheer Vash shows in the average moment, Wolfwood just recently saw him nearly lose control Again (at the Dragon's Nest). the second time he witnessed it, & the third time he would know about.

Vash is a walking atomic bomb with multiple charges. even with how cheerful & kind he is, he's shown Multiple Times that he does not have full control. he is decidedly something different, something Hazardous to humans, and Wolfwood knows this very very painfully.

for all that Wolfwood loves Vash, he is also terrified of him. and at this point in the story, that terror is potent enough to nearly eclipse his affection for Vash.

leading to some of the next most iconic pages:

[ID: The next page starts with Wolfwood standing behind the sitting Vash, his expression hard and the moon bright behind him. Vash seems sad and has one eye open. A close-up focuses on Wolfwood looking down.

Wolfwood thinks, "So easy to pull the trigger. So easy to remove half the problem." Another close-up with bright lighting obscures his face but for one eye. Then Vash turns around curiously and asks, "What's up?" Wolfwood sits behind him and says "Nothin'. Come on. Let's go." Vash seems surprised as Wolfwood scolds, "Don't get yerself tangled up in every little skirmish ya see. It'll be pointless if ya get yerself killed before ya meet him." End ID]

the manga frames it like Vash doesn't know Wolfwood was pointing the gun at him, but I think he did know. he's freakishly perceptive over and over again throughout the story. he HAS to be in order to survive like he has. he'd hear the movement of the gun & sense Wolfwood behind him...

he'd know. i really think he knew.

but he doesn't do anything about it. there is zero fear in his face. he turns to look at Wolfwood curiously, a bit confused, but not afraid. he never once thought that Wolfwood would shoot him. there's full faith and trust there in that moment.

Wolfwood pretends that nothing happened, & Vash lets him. they both move on, not talking about it, because they never talk about Anything of substance like this (not until much, Much later).

overall, it's just such a great example of their relationship's development. Wolfwood's fear & Vash's trust that he won't act on it... it's just. Man.

(EDIT: people have made some good points about how Vash's expression when Wolfwood points the gun at him shows that he probably did know and YEAH that's a good point! & probably why I was so certain he knew lol, I just hadn't realized it myself)

[shanastoryteller]

Happy pride!!

Fem MXY WWX pls!!!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41

They're back to riding, only a couple hours away from Jin Tower, and Wei Wuxian is happy to be off his feet, but he can't even focus on that.

He's too busy feeling desperately sad for Mo Xuanyu.

She lived as a pauper in a family that despised her, had a father that ignored her, was so lonely that she named her sword Friend, and killed herself rather than marry Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan would have been nice to her. It took him a while to warm up, but he's trying now, to do his duty as a proper husband. Which is inconvenient for Wei Wuxian, but probably would have meant the world to Mo Xuanyu.

She didn't have to die. If she'd been able to hold onto hope for just a few more days, instead of giving in to revenge and despair, then she could have lived out her life out from underneath the thumb of other people.

"Are you okay?"

He startles out of his thoughts, looking up to see Sizhui has pulled his mare up beside his and is peering at him in concern.

He forces a smile, because he's put Sizhui through enough today, and he's a good boy that doesn't deserve to be involved in any of this. The worst part about dying again is going to be leaving behind Sizhui. He's such a sweet boy who loves him so easily and he just knows that it's going to break his heart when either the cultivation or the curse mark has run its course. "I'm fine, I'm fine. Just thinking."

Sizhui looks unconvinced, but nods before looking up towards the front of the procession, where Lan Xichen and Lan Zhan are talking about something while Jin Guangyao pretends to be interested. He reaches into his sleeve. "I found some of these in town when I went looking for you."

He pulls out a small bag of the sweet, spicy pepper candy that Wei Wuxian likes so much and hold it out.

"You're the best!" he says, taking the bag and also pausing to squeeze his arm in thanks, only not pulling him into a hug because he's not sure how tolerant the horses will be about it.

The food in Cloud Recesses is ass and he can't cover everything with chilli oil because the only person he'd met who liked food as spicy as he did was - well, no one. So having Mo Xuanyu like spicy food had seemed like edging a little too close to obvious.

He'd been so happy when Sizhui had brought pepper candy back for him for the first time and had sworn him to secrecy to how how much he loved them.

Wei Wuxian pops one of the candies in his mouth, sucking on it to more quickly get to the firey pops of pepper, which is his favorite.

There's about five seconds of deliciousness and then his stomach rolls with nausea. He tightens his grip, trying to ride it out, but the taste of the candy he loved turns sour and he's seriously worried he's going to hurl, which Lan Zhan would never let him hear the end of.

He spits the candy out onto the ground, rubbing at his mouth.

"Lady Xuanyu?" Sizhui asks startled. "Is - sorry, did I get the wrong one?"

"No, no, it's perfect," he assures, internally sighing in relief as his stomach starts to settle. "I guess I shouldn't eat them on an empty stomach! It ruins the flavor. Who knew?"

He's eaten them on an empty stomach a dozen times before and never had an issue.

"Okay," Sizhui says slowly. 'Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm perfectly fine, Sizhui, don't worry," he says, and means it, even though he sort of wants to cry.

The pepper candies were one of the only things he could get his hands on that he enjoyed eating, and now even that's gone?

At least the Jin go all out on the banquets.

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

Ngl, I kinda forgot I was trying to do this in alternating POVs. That… kinda failed for a minute. Oops. But here’s Robin! And Wayne!

Part 1 | . . . | Part 35 | Part 36 | Part 37

“How could I have him and lose him in the same moment?” Steve asks, and he sounds so sad that Robin wants to wrap him in a hug and about four fuzzy blankets and give him hot cocoa and kill whoever made him sad. Except, she thinks, that would be Eddie, which would really just make Steve even more sad-

She stops her train of thought.

“Want me to go yell at him again? It worked the first time,” she says, just a hint of a grin in her voice, and it works because Steve sounds further from tears next time he speaks.

They joke a little more, until she feels comfortable leaving him, and when he drops her off at home she barely drops her things inside before bolting to grab her bike.

She pedals hard all the way to Forest Hills. She’s about to dump her bike before she sees Wayne on the front porch, smoking, so she carefully lays it down instead.

“Afternoon,” he says.

“Hi, Mr. Wayne,” she replies politely. “Is Eddie home?”

He tells her no, that he’s gone to apologize to Steve, and invites her in for tea and a talk. She thinks for a second before mentally shrugging and accepting.

He holds the door open for her and begins talking as he grabs a mug. She’s delighted to see that the inside reads, You’ve been poisoned! and says as much.

Wayne grins. “‘S become a habit of mine, collecting these mugs. My momma always said there ain’t much a cup of tea can’t fix, and I’ve found she’s right. Plus, havin’ a fun mug lifts your spirits.”

Robin chuckles. “That it does.”

“Now,” Wayne says, turning to face her. “I’m guessin’ you’re here to kick my nephew’s ass again.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Sir.” Wayne makes a face. “I’ve got a good name that none o’you younguns ever uses. Call me Wayne.”

Robin giggles. “Will do, Wayne.”

Wayne nods. “Good. Now, ‘bout Eddie. You let me say my piece, and I’ll let you decide whether or not he deserves another kick in the ass. Fair?”

“Fair,” Robin agrees.

“Alright then. My Eddie’s not a bad kid, though I’m guessing you know that.” He pauses to take a sip of his tea. “Sometimes he does things without thinking them through, just like everyone. Sometimes people scare him.” Her hackles raise, and Wayne raises placating hands. “I’m not saying any of this is your Steve’s fault. All I’m sayin’ is, people do stupid things when they’ve been hurt in the past.”

Robin cocks her head. “Eddie was hurt?”

Wayne hums around another sip. “The details ain’t mine to give, but yes. He was. Just about a year ago now. I almost had a stupid reaction to what he told me.”

“What stopped you?”

Wayne shrugs. “Experience, partially. But you helped too.”

Her eyes widen. “Me?”

“Yup. See, Eddie’s real observant. So when he came t’me a few months ago, talkin’ ‘bout how he thought you were the same as him, I had an idea of the kinda person you are. No tolerance for idiots, at least those who aren’t your friends. Loyal to those who are. And I thought, now why would she stick around him if he’s that kinda person? And I came to the conclusion that he’s not. Or he’s not intentionally. So. Pair that with the way Eddie’d been acting, and I had a pretty good idea of what was goin’ on.”

Robin nods. “Y’know what Steve said to him?”

Wayne hums. “Somethin’ bout how he’d never been with another guy?”

Robin nods again. “Exactly. And to have Eddie react like that…”

Wayne sighs and tips his head back until he’s looking at the ceiling. “Lord knows I love that boy,” he murmurs. “But he sure does know how to get himself into trouble.”

Robin grins. “And how to get himself out of trouble?”

Wayne snorts and looks at her. “Outta the frying pan, into the fire, more like.”

Robin giggles. “Yeah, I kinda got that impression.”

Just then the phone rings, and Wayne raises a brow at it, then sighs and stands to answer it, waving Robin down when she starts to stand as well,

“Munson residence, y’got Wayne.” He hums. “Wayne’s just fine, son, none‘a that Mr. Munson crap. She is, I’ll hand it over in just a second. My nephew apologize to you yet?” A grunt. “Good. Here she is.” He waves her over, and she hurriedly swallows a sip of tea before hopping over to the phone. “Steve?”

“Hey. The little shit found Dart.”

Robin breathes out a laugh. “Jesus. D’we gotta kill it and live with his sad face now?”

“That’s the thing, though, is it did help. He fuckin’ domesticated the thing.”

“Okay, so which one of us is gonna tell him?” She asks, in a tone that means it’s gonna be Steve.

He laughs, “well I’m not gonna tell him.”

“The fuck you’re not,” she argues, “you’re his second mom, dingus, it sure as shit ain’t gonna be me.”

He squawks, “I am not his-”

She hangs up on him with a satisfying click and a smug grin.

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[canarysage]

…make a psd?

this is a question i get pretty routinely, and i’m going to tell you upfront: there is no one way to make a psd. there’s no ‘better’ way, no ‘easier’ method, you just have to figure it out yourself.

with that said, this post is going to be how i, personally, make my psds, just for the sake of reference. my way isn’t better or worse than anyone else’s—it’s just the way i do things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i. making a showcase/moodboard

depending on the psd you want to achieve, your moodboard will probably look different—if you’re making a blue psd it will be mostly blue, if you’re making a psd based on a certain character or card set it will be based around that, etc. i made myself a general showcase that i test my psds on that includes both irl images and darker skin characters, because i like for my psds to work for those purposes most of the time. my showcase is below if you’d like to use it!

it’s best to include sources you edit frequently so you know what works on them and what doesn’t but how the moodboard looks exactly is up to you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i also recommend using swatchies (original by zeroresources on d*viantart) as long as you bear in mind that swatchies is not a great guideline for actual dark skin

ii. creating the base

actual step two is creating a folder but that takes like two seconds. do make a folder though or you will be sad.

after making a folder, start making the base of your psd; whatever the foundation is going to be. depending on how you want your psd to look, this will look very different. i personally always start off with a gradient map, just to get things going

my settings for this are the default black and white gradient map set to reverse, and it’s set to blending mode soft light at 35% opacity. i typically do something in the range of 20-45% opacity depending on how i want it to look

i’m honestly not sure where i picked up this habit but it does make it a little easier to get things going for me personally. it’s a simple change but it’s a good start. if you want higher contrast you can do the same thing but without reversing the gradient map

next thing i do when creating a base is add a selective color layer, which helps things pick up the pace. i’m too lazy to write it all down but these are my settings:

worlds ugliest collage so i don’t max out my images LMFAO apologies. obviously depending on what colors you want to focus on this will look different. for this one i completely axed magenta and emphasized blue and red/yellow. i also maxed out the black in white, which is extremely typical in my psds. this is what our psd looks like now:

pretty different already, right? nice!

next thing i typically do is another selective color layer. it’s typically pretty similar to the first, but once again that depends on the psd! the worlds worst collage again:

pretty much the same but a little different. and our results:

as you can see, this is pretty saturated and a little all over the place. not to worry—let’s move onto the next step!

iii. let’s get serious

this step varies a lot depending on what my psd needs, but because this one is pretty sayurated right now and that seems to be my main problem, i’m going to add a photo filter in a light grayish-blue to help desaturate and cool it down

(i unchecked preserve luminosity here because i think it looks neat. i don’t recommend doing that if you’re using a darker color bc it gets hard to see, but you can do whatever forever)

obviously this isn’t the only way to desaturate but i find it fun. observe:

definitely better, at least to me, but still not great. we’re going to add another selective color layer bc the skintones look kinda wack. welcome back world’s worst collage:

i only adjusted some of the colors in this one because i wanted to fix specific problems; namely that the darker skin tones were too dark and ashy.

mission accomplished

with that done, it’s time for hue/saturation! for funsies ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ this part i just had some fun with. a new collage:

and the results:

purple! this wasn’t what i originally had in mind but it was much more fun to do tbh LMAO i decided to turn the cyan/blue into purple because it looked better in my head

iv. okay now get silly again

now that the main meat—so to speak—of our psd is done, we can add some fun layers. if you want ideas for this, i have a post about it, but what i’m gonna add as my first silly layer is channel mixer, which is one of my personal favorite layers

pretty simple adjustments for channel mixer honestly ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i thought this would look fun. as a general rule of thumb i don’t mess with the red channel so much because it tends to screw over my skintones, but, as with anything, you’re free to do whatever forever

next fun layer i’m gonna add is a noise gradient map, also just for funsies

i randomized until i got a nice pink-ish kinda one. i was hoping for blue but all the blue ones were too green and i got impatient LOL

a little fucked but for sure fun. i set the gradient map to soft light at about 15% opacity. it gave the psd a fun texture and a bit of extra warmth

v. finishing touches

sometimes i add a couple more layers, sometimes i add less, but this psd feels about done so imma wrap it up. i typically don’t save my psds as the showcase for my storage’s sake, so i’m gonna grab something to use as an icon. i typically go ahead and size it at about 300x300

hello, haruka! once i have my icon set i duplicate the folder into the new project and name both the project and the folder. how you name it is up to you, i usually either use a random word generator or just whatever comes to mind. in this case, i’m just naming it ‘tutorial psd’ lol

then go to file and save as psd, bada bing bada boom you’ve got a psd ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

as i said at the beginning, there’s no one way to make a psd. this isn’t the only process or even the best one, it’s just how i personally work. the best way to make a psd on your own is fuck around and find out <3 canarysage out

…so that’s how you do it.

P.S. the psd i made here will be posted under the tag #tutorial psd. you’re free to poke around in it and use it as per usual. if you want to copy it, feel free, but don’t claim it’s your own or repost it as your work. thanks!

P.P.S. wondering about adjustment layers? see photopea for dummies. wondering about something i haven’t covered yet? shoot me an ask ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[why-what-no]

💕 My Valentine 💕

Pairing: Anthony Lockwood x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None, Idiots in love

Notes: Damn, didn’t think I’d get this done by the time Valentine’s Day ended. But I did, which is awesome

Summary: Lockwood told his team that he will ask out the girl he likes on Valentine’s Day, making his best friend realize that she’s in love with him. But while she thinks her heart is now broken, she may come to find that he feels the same as her

Valentine’s Day never brought many strong emotions to (Y/N). It was a holiday, one but she acknowledged but never really celebrated. Romance had never really been a part of her life, too caught up in ghost hunting to notice, she it didn’t really matter.

Until this year, when waking up on Valentine’s Day brought her nothing but misery.

She had been living at 35 Portland row for half a year now, officially at home in their old agency. Her fellow agents were practically family, and she loved each and every one of them dearly.

But there was one in particular that…

Lockwood and (Y/N) had hit it off almost the moment they met. It was like they clicked perfectly into place. He quickly became her best friend, rarely seen without her.

It got to the point where nearly everyone they met thought they were a couple. His arm slung over her chair casually when they were eating out, faces almost touching when they were pouring over a book researching together, more inside jokes than Lucy and George could keep up with. So it wasn’t surprising when they got the occasional “So how long have you been together.” or “You’re such a lovely young couple.”

The two would always correct whoever said those things, brushing it off with a laugh. They always said that they were just friends.

Just.

Friends.

That was all.

And it was all they were.

Until the day before Valentine’s Day, where they were all eating lunch and George brought up Valentines. Lucy told them that she had asked out a girl who worked at Fitte’s, while George talked about having a movie night with a fellow researcher.

But what had shocked all of them was when Lockwood causally mentioned that he planned to ask a girl he liked out on Valentine’s Day.

“Wait, what?” (Y/N) asked, mouth agape. She knew she should be happy for him, but… “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Lockwood looked nervous for a second before composing himself. “Slipped my mind.” He told her. “Honestly it didn’t even seem that important.”

“I…” She was honestly offended that he had forgot to tell her. She told him everything, even the most menial things. But did he not do the same? Was she just realizing this? And he always acted like he cared about the non important things she told him. But did he even really?

George looked back and forth at them before cutting in. “Well, good luck on that, mate. She’s a lucky girl.”

Lucy was looking at (Y/N) with… well, if (Y/N) didn’t know any better, she’d say it was pity.

That night she lay in bed, trying to figure out why this news made her want to cry so badly.

Obviously, she knew that Lockwood wouldn’t completely abandon her and their friendship for some girl. He was better than that. And if he really liked this girl, then obviously she would make him happy. And (Y/N) also wanted him to be happy. So logically she should support it. Logically…

Logically…

And then the realization hit her. Making her feel like an idiot.

All that time denying any feelings for Lockwood, saying that they were just friends. She wasn’t just sad that he hadn’t told her that he was asking a girl out, she was sad that it wasn’t her. She was sad that she couldn’t spend Valentine’s Day with him. Hand in hand, certain that the man she adored the most loved her.

Her feelings for him were strong than she had thought.

***

So Valentine’s Day morning, she woke up to the feelings of love and heartbreak all at once and for the first time in her life. Not the ideal start to the morning, and the thought of facing Lockwood now terrified her.

Although (Y/N) was too embarrassed to admit it, her main plan for the day was avoid him. She convinced herself that it wasn’t out of cowardice, but kindness. Lockwood already had a girl that he was interested in. He didn’t need her falling over herself for him. (Y/N) wanted to let him be happy away from her.

Self sacrifice had always been in her nature, just as it was for Lockwood. Although for both of them as well, self sacrifice was usually a cover for self destruction.

So she barely spoke to him over breakfast, choosing to sit between Lucy and George instead of take her usual place beside Lockwood.

Honestly, it surprised all her friends, but they chose not to speak up about it.

After breakfast, she got up to go to the library but Lockwood stopped her in the hall. “Hey, (Y/N).” He sounded nervous, breathless like he had just been out for a run, even though she knew he had done nothing of the sort. “I have something I need to ask you.”

That terrified (Y/N), thousands of terrible possibilities in her head. Plus, being this close to him was making her head spin. “Um, I’m busy right now.” She blurted out. “Ask me later.”

He seemed disappointed. “But…”

She used the moment to make a quick getaway. Ashamedly hiding in her room all day. Not wanting to face him, to think of him spending the day with another girl.

Until finally, she couldn’t take it any more. Disgusted with herself for running away and tired of lying to herself and to Lockwood, she stood up. Reaching for her door and opening it, only to reveal that Lockwood was on the other side.

His hand was up as if he was about to knock on the door, as shocked as she was about her sudden appearance as she was for his.

Their confusion both worked past their fear, because they blurted out what they wanted to say at the exact same time.

“Please don’t go out with her today.”

“Will you go out with me today?”

(Y/N) and Lockwood both froze, trying to process what the other one had said.

“What?”

“I…”

“What did you say?”

Perhaps the holiday wasn’t going to be so awful after all?

Lockwood took a deep breath. “I realize that this might not be the most romantic way to ask.” He chuckled apologetically. “But will you be my Valentine?”

“But… me? I thought… you said you were going to ask some girl?” (Y/N) could barely understand what was happening.

Chuckling at her obliviousness and confusion, Lockwood stepped closer. Beginning to regain his usual confidence. “It’s you, love. It’s only ever been you.��

As she began to smile, he continued. “I finally understood it a couple of weeks ago after I realized how happy I felt when people mistook us for a couple. Knew I wanted it to be real.”

(Y/N) nodded slowly, not totally certain that this wasn’t a dream. As if she had been ghost locked without knowing and was in whatever the comatose version of heaven was. “I want that too.” She softly told him, making him grin.

And while his grin was soft and small, he was inwardly delighted. Mentally wiping sweat from his brow at the relief he felt.

He always thought (Y/N) deserved the best in love, far better than him. He couldn’t believe that she would even give him the time of day, much less accept his proclamation of love. But she was there in front of him, staring up at his with these eyes filled with love and it almost made him want to weep with joy.

He felt whole.

***

When they got home right before dark, grinning from their date and hands linked together, George and Lucy let out noises of celebration when they saw them.

“Finally!” Lucy exclaimed. “You fools finally realized what the rest of us had known from the start.”

“Ha ha ha.” Lockwood shook his head indulgently. “If that is the case, then that begs the question: why didn’t you just tell us if you’re so bloody perceptive?”

“We did! You pigheaded stubborn idiots wouldn’t listen.”

“Yeah. And that’s not even the real question.” George spoke up, looking directly at Lucy. “The real question is who wins our bet.”

“What?”

“George and I had a bet.” Lucy explained, trying to hide a smirk. “If you of you asked the other out before Valentine’s Day, he got 20 quid. If you two did it after Valentine’s Day, I did.”

“But we didn’t think he would ask you out ON Valentine’s Day.” George grumbled. “Which was admittedly an oversight.”

“I say I win.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Well, hold on…!”

As the two of them playfully argued in front of (Y/N) and Lockwood, she look the chance to look up at her love. “I think it means that we win.” She whispered to him.

“Oh, absolutely.” He laughed quietly, looking at her softly. Leaning down to give her a gentle Valentine’s Day kiss.

[thenadnerb02]

Inside Out Theory Concluded / Thoughts on Inside Out 2 [MAJOR SPOILERS]

Well, here we are folks. Four and a half months after I came up with my Inside Out theory based on the first movie and the sequel’s teaser, and two months after I continued on from that with the proper trailer, Inside Out 2 is here! 

So now that the movie’s come out, how well does my theory hold up? Well, let's discuss.

(Also, I had the great honor to see the first 35 minutes a week early at an event attended by Pete Docter at the Museum of the Moving Image, and a couple of the things he said in the post-screening interview will be referenced here.)

Again, major spoilers for Pixar’s latest movie. If you don't want to be spoiled, then come back.

—————SPOILERS BELOW THIS LINE—————

Okay, quick recap: I theorized that the 4 new emotions are directly influenced by the actions, thoughts, etc. of the main 5. They’re the embodiments of combinations of emotions and they can physically manifest now that Riley has matured. I figured that this would be the big twist of Inside Out 2. Well, was it?

No. No it wasn’t…

While I don’t think the theory is completely invalidated, it doesn’t mesh well with the second half of the movie.

When I first developed this theory, I had in mind that the new emotions would be fully aware of their connection to the old ones, but it’s clear this isn't the case. Anxiety initially has no idea what's going on when Joy and co. start envisioning positive outcomes of the hockey game, Embarrassment is surprised when he notices Sadness sneaked back into Headquarters, Ennui is shocked to discover Sadness stole her phone, etc.

Plus, the theory hinged upon the fact that Riley has demonstrably felt the new emotions before, but Inside Out 2 provides us a new plausible explanation for how that could be.

This room right here! While never explicitly referred to as such in the film, Docter called this a waiting area for emotions before it's their time to appear in Headquarters. And if Nostalgia is there 10+ years ahead of schedule, then there’s no reason why Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui wouldn’t have been there during the first film. Their presence meant Riley could still feel those emotions even if they didn’t have access to the console yet.

And as cool as it would’ve been for my theory to be correct, after seeing Inside Out 2 I'm kind of glad it wasn't. The movie’s overall message is to embrace every part of yourself, and thinking that some of those emotions aren’t fully-formed beings of their own doesn’t sit right with me anymore.

Oh well.

Now, onto the second half of this post. As someone who deals with anxiety on a regular basis, I must commend Pixar on how accurate the emotion is depicted here. One thing I didn’t think of before I saw the movie (but in retrospect I feel like I should have) is how in addition to the worrying we often associate with the emotion, Anxiety also works hard to push Riley forward.

Sometimes my anxiety leads to endless worrying about the future, but it also pushes me to be productive and try new things. Funny how it can be both a motivator and a de-motivator at the exact same time.

For starters: catastrophizing about every possible bad outcome to a situation.

This is definitely something I experience during stressful situations. Sometimes I try to rationalize this under the belief that assuming the worst will make good things feel better, but ultimately (just like Anxiety), I get so focused on the worst that could happen that I disregard the possible good outcomes. But just like we see in the movie, it’s unhealthy to simply hyperfocus on the bad possibilities.

Another experience I have with anxiety is fretting over things in the far future when there’s much more pertinent things that could be focused on instead. For example, I won’t begin my grad school animation program for another two months, but sometimes I worry about it as if I’m already neck-deep in my M.F.A. I don’t have to stress over that right now, but sometimes I can’t help but do it anyway.

We see this at the end of the movie, where Anxiety spirals about Riley’s distant future, but eventually Joy calms her down by reminding her she doesn’t have to worry about that right now. (And she gets her Anxie-Tea!)

The belief threads and sense of self are cool additions to the canon of Inside Out. (A sense of self definitely feels like something a person would have before age 12, but let’s not think about that too much right now.) And the thing in this movie I found relatable most of all is what happens to the sense of self once Anxiety takes the reins of Riley’s life: it goes from “I’m a good person” to “I’m not good enough.” And I can say with 100% certainty that this kind of distressing self-talk is what happens when anxiety shapes one’s sense of self.

Anxiety literally forcing other emotions out of HQ is an excellent metaphor for what it feels like when anxiety gets extreme. We make no room for other emotions as anxiety builds up, and as we do our mental health state only grows worse.

(Although from my personal experience at least, this “I’m not good enough” mentality actually involves envy as well as anxiety, since what you’re really thinking is “I’m not good enough in comparison to others.”)

At the end of the day, Anxiety wanted what was best for Riley. She really, really did. It’s painful to watch her panic so much that Riley seemed to be close to a heart attack. And yeah, that’s what anxiety attacks are like — we get too caught up in worrying for the future that we forget to have joy.

And while we shouldn't let our sense of self be shaped solely by anxiety, we can't just repress the parts of ourselves we don't like Joy was initially doing with certain memories.

It's by finding that perfect balance and loving every part of ourselves that we can avoid complete breakdowns.

And it can be hard. It really can. As the film so poignantly notes, we tend to feel less joy as we get older. We can’t just have fun all the time like when we were little kids, but at the same time all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

We have a complete rainbow of emotions inside our heads, and even when things get hard and overwhelming, we must embrace all of our emotions because they all have an important role to play.

Or as Disgust puts it:

“You must make your curse your gift.”

[yunhoee]

A Trip to Remember- Chapter Two

Summary: The year is 2031, and y/n is looking for a fresh start on her vacation with her sister. 3 months post breakup, and she's ready to stop wallowing. Korea has been a dream location for y/n for years, she is excited for all the sightseeing and food! Her sister has other plans, when she suggests attending a certain someone's charity birthday event.

Pairing: idol!Seonghwa x corporate!reader

Genre: fluff, romance, angst, seonghwa x reader, ateez ensemble, suggestive, cursing

Length: 4,643 words

Author’s Note: I'm still figuring out Tumblr, so an updated masterlist will be coming soon. I hope you enjoy the second chapter! :)

You’re surprised by how forward Seonghwa is, but you also can’t deny the sexual tension you’ve been running from the moment you met him. The way he’s fiddling with your dress strap while he waits for your answer, all while staring into your eyes. You feel the electricity in the air, it scares you, but you’re too busy staring into his brown eyes.

“Okay,” You say shyly.

Seonghwa smiles with so much endearment, “Okay.” He waits a moment and then decides to ask, “Do you mind telling me about yourself? I want to know more about you.”

You nod, “I’m a manager for a tech company, I’ve spent years working to get where I am now. I’m 35, and well you’ve met my only sibling.” You both smile at the mention of Emma. You’re not very good at coming up with fun facts so you ask, “Is there anything specific you want to know?”

Seonghwa hesitates and then asks, “Are you single? You don’t have to answer that if it’s too personal.”

You smile, “It’s okay. I am single, I went through a pretty bad breakup a little over 3 months ago. Actually, this trip was my way of a fresh start. I was tired of being sad, and my ex started officially dating his mistress. I’m ready to move past that time of my life. We were together for 5 years, but I don’t miss him at all.” You giggle and look at Seonghwa, “Is that bad?”

He laughs, “Not at all! I’m sorry that it didn’t end well, that must’ve been really hard. But look at you! In Korea, riding with me to an after party. Would the past y/n believe it?”

You start laughing, “Absolutely not! I’ve been working 24/7 for the last 3 months, but I meant it when I said this trip is my fresh start. I’m not going back to how I was.”

Seonghwa grabs your hand, “I’m so proud of you, y/n. I know we just met, but you’re really inspiring. I was completely blown away from your generosity towards the orphanage in Jinju. Now hearing what the last few months have been like for you, I am captivated by you.”

Your eyes widen as the blush spreads across your cheeks, “I-I just really enjoy helping people financially. It’s one of the major perks of my job.”

Seonghwa smiles, gently puts his hand on your cheek, and leans in, “You didn’t say anything about the last part.”

His cologne fills the air you breathe. His touch is like fire to your cheek. When Seonghwa is this close, your thoughts are less reasonable and more on instinct. How are you supposed to be making good decisions while Seonghwa is holding you like this? You thought the sexual tension was bad before, well it’s a hundred times worse now. You’re scared to move, to blink. Fighting every ounce of your body to not just jump him right here right now. You notice his other hand that’s not on you, is shaking. The thread you had left of self control snapped, and you kissed him. 

It’s not just a kiss, it doesn’t feel like one you’ve had before. Seonghwa quickly reciprocates, fully making out now. The feeling you get is unlike one you’ve experienced. Most first kisses are a little awkward with silly mistakes. Not this one. It was like your mouths were made for each other and fit perfectly. You didn’t know anything besides the fact that you needed more. The kiss has turned frantic, you both need more of each other right now. It was like a dam breaking, there was no stopping this now. 

“Oh shit! We were wondering what was taking so long!” 

You find yourself straddling Seonghwa. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist, and your hands holding his face. The two of you look absolutely horrified, and you clumsily get back into your seat. Wooyoung wished so badly that he had a camera. 

Seonghwa clears his throat, “Sorry about that. Give us a second.” Seonghwa closes the car door. Wooyoung is laughing maniacally, most likely running to tell the rest of the members.  

You both sit quietly for a moment, fully back down to earth. Seonghwa’s kiss sent you to outer fucking space. 

You decide to break the silence, “I’m really sorry about that. I’m not sure what overcame me. I’m sorry if that made you un-”

Your sentence is cut off by him grabbing your chin, pulling you in for a sweet kiss. He pulled away, but is still close and is looking directly into your eyes. 

He smooths out your hair with his hands and says, “Don’t do that. Not with me.”

You open your mouth to ask what he means, but you can’t form the words. He doesn’t even have to tell you, you already know. This is the fastest and most connected you feel to a person in this moment, and you would be lying if you said it didn’t scare you. 

Seonghwa goes back to his side of the car, “You might want to fix that red lipstick.”

You finally notice how smudged Seonghwa’s face is with your lipstick. You’re embarrassed, but it’s also kinda hot. The two of you spend the next ten minutes removing every trace of your time together. 

He sighs, “Wooyoung has probably told everyone by now. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister knows.”

You cover your face in an attempt to hide your blush, “Oh god. I’m never going to hear the end of this.” Seonghwa chuckles and gently pulls your hands from your face, “That makes two of us. We should probably head in, I’m sure everyone is waiting for us now.”

“Alright, let's get this over with then,” You say as you open your door.

Seonghwa looks you over once to make sure you didn’t miss anything. You notice a bit of red lipstick on his neck. Your face is turning red again, but you reach out and wipe the lipstick off. 

Seonghwa has a mischievous smile, “I left that there on purpose. I wanted them to see how you marked me.”

You lightly smack his arm and whine, “Stooooop. I’m going to be permanently red at this point.”

Seonghwa smiles and kisses your cheek, “I like it.”

The two of you walk into KQ together, trying to act as normal as possible. Seonghwa explains that the party is happening in their cafeteria. You see birthday decorations lining the walls, and hear music blaring from what you assume is the cafeteria. The two of you walk in, you spot your sister sitting at a table and head for her. 

“Hey guys!” You and Seonghwa greet everyone at the table. 

Hongjoong responds, “Ah there’s the birthday boy. We were wondering if you two were ever going to show up.” Everyone at the table is looking between you and Seonghwa as you sit next to your sister. Seonghwa takes the chair next to Hongjoong, which is a few people away from you.

Seonghwa comes up with an excuse, “Yeah sorry our driver took the wrong turn, so we were stuck in traffic.”

Emma stares directly at Seonghwa, “Is that so? How interesting, we heard a completely different story from Wooyoung. Something about Seonghwa being covered in y/n’s lipstick, and y/n sitting on your-”

You cover Emma’s mouth, “Anyway! We’re here now! Let’s drink and have some fun!”

Emma removes your hand from her, and she has the biggest smirk on her face. Before she can say anything, you shoot up from your chair.

“I-I’m going to get a drink!” You manage to say as you’re walking over to the makeshift bar. 

You miss the way that Seonghwa follows you with his eyes the entire time. Emma didn’t. The rest of the table is engrossed in their conversations, so Emma catches Seinghwa’s eye and motions for him to sit next to her.

He’s sweating bullets and sits down, “What’s up?”

Emma chuckles, “I’m just going to be honest. I thought maybe you and my sister would hookup, I was actually hoping you would. I’m confused though. I’ve seen the way you look at her, the way you just watched her walk over to the bar. Do you have feelings for her?”

Seonghwa is taken back by Emma’s boldness, “Uh-I mean I really enjoy being around her. I just want to get to know her more, since we only just met tonight.”

Emma doesn’t fully believe it but doesn’t push it, “Okay. I didn’t mean to come off so strong, I was just surprised since you just met. But just between the two of us, I’m rooting for you.”

Emma and Seonghwa smile at each other, and he goes back to his seat before you come back. You’re at the bar, and decide to take another shot before coming back with a mixed drink. As you walk back to the table, you notice a girl you haven’t met before. She sits in the open chair next to Seonghwa. Something inside of your stomach drops, you already have a feeling something bad is going to happen. You sit back in your chair, and already notice that this girl is doing everything she can to flirt with Seonghwa. 

The alcohol is pumping through you at this point. You’re fully tipsy, as you continue sipping on your drink. 

Emma grabs your hand, “Let’s dance!”

She pulls you along with Nari, and the three of you walk to the makeshift dance floor. 

“Who the fuck is that girl sitting with Seonghwa?” Emma asks Nari as soon as you all are far away enough. 

Nari looks and rolls her eyes, “It’s one of the manager’s nieces. She’s been trying to get with one of the members for years.”

You notice the way Seonghwa and this girl are laughing together. Talking as if they’ve known each other forever. It makes your stomach turn. You down the rest of your mixed drink, which you already know is a bad idea but you really don’t care.

Emma is visibly annoyed, “Okay but why is he being so friendly with her? Wasn’t he just making out with my sister?”

Nari sighs, “Well the boys have to be careful with her, they don’t want anyone getting in trouble. Seonghwa is probably just being friendly, I’m more worried about what she will do.”

Your eyes start to burn, you didn’t notice that tears were forming. Nari and Emma immediately notice, and pull you so you’re not facing him anymore.

Nari tries to comfort you, “I wouldn’t worry about it, y/n. People flirt with the members all the time and nothing ever happens. I think Seonghwa is just being nice.”

Emma rolls her eyes, “Well we also feel like being extra friendly. Nari, do you know any guys who would want to dance with us?”

Nari’s eyes light up, “Oh my god you’re diabolical. Let me go find some of the members from bbtrippin!”

All you know is the music is blaring, and you are dancing on someone. Nari brought a bunch of her work friends over to dance. The alcohol hit you hard, quickly becoming drunk and having zero care in the world. The staff was well prepared for this. The room is dark, but they brought in different portable strobe lights. 

The guy who is dancing with you is one of the cute dancers from bbtrippin. Everyone is just letting go and having fun, nothing serious. The music is mainly a mix of songs that are popular, not just ateez. But the next song that started was Bouncy, and everyone went crazy. Now everyone is singing and dancing even more. Someone bumps into you, and you see it’s Hongjoong. So then you and Hongjoong start singing and dancing together. The two of you are drunk, and just having the best time. Even in your drunken state, this still feels like the best night of your life. 

Someone turned on Cyberpunk, and the members couldn’t help but get into formation. Everyone was laughing their asses off, the members were all so drunk. Obviously they weren’t in their right mind enough to sing as well, but it was crazy to see how their bodies moved almost automatically. They were all giggling so much, it was so cute. At the end, we all clapped for them as they fell into the nearest seats panting. 

Everyone is laughing and finding an open seat. You unintentionally make eye contact with Seonghwa who is sitting across from you. It looked like he was about to say something to you, but was interrupted by the girl from earlier who came and sat in his lap. He looked surprised, but didn’t immediately push her off. It feels like someone dumped ice water over your head, you feel yourself starting to sober up almost immediately. You’re not sure why you feel a pit in your stomach, it’s not like you guys were dating. You watch Seonghwa flirt openly with her, whispering something in her ear. She giggles and you stand and start to walk away, before Hongjoong stops you.

He looks concerned, “What’s wrong?”

You put on your best show, hoping he doesn’t notice the tears brewing in your eyes, “Nothing! I just have to pee.”

Hongjoong reluctantly lets you leave. You take this as your chance to get the fuck out of here. It’s 1am, so you book a car to come pick you up. Thank god Emma downloaded the app for you at the hotel. At this point you’re nearly sprinting out of KQ, you know it’s only a matter of time until your sister realizes you left. Especially since you know you weren’t very convincing to Hongjoong. Once you finally find the right car, you’re on your way back to the hotel. You decide to text Emma, now that there’s no way for her to stop you.

Hey! I’m in a cab headed back to the hotel. Sorry, I wasn’t feeling well. Have fun and stay safe! Let me know if you need money for anything. 

Emma instantly starts calling you. You feel guilty, but you also can’t talk to her right now. What are you supposed to say? You made out with Seonghwa, and then you saw him flirting with another girl, and now you’re crying in a cab. You’re sure that Emma has already figured it out anyway. 

You finally make it back to the hotel. It feels like a major walk of shame going to your room after your night. You’re embarrassed at how much seeing Seonghwa with another girl impacted you. He’s single, he’s allowed to be with whoever he wants. So why are you unable to stop the tears from falling? Maybe, somewhere in your subconscious, you were hoping that Seonghwa felt the same as you. 

The shower is boiling hot, but it feels so good. At this point, you’re not as sad but angry. Why was Seonghwa being so lovey with you, and leading you on. He said all the right things, just to go and flirt with another girl. Well whatever. Fuck him. You’re in your comfy pajamas, and crawl into bed. You can’t believe everything that has happened, and it’s only your first night of your vacation. Well one thing’s for sure, you learned your lesson from Seonghwa. You text Emma that you made it, and are going to bed.

She responds almost immediately, “I’m going to kill him.”

You shake your head at your sister’s temper, “Please don’t. It’s really okay. We are both single, he can do whatever he wants. I guess I just misinterpreted.”

The tv is on, and you’re attempting to fall asleep. Your body is absolutely exhausted, but your mind is racing. You feel like an idiot. Why did Seonghwa tell you he was interested in you, if he was just going to immediately get with another girl. Maybe he just said those things to get you to kiss him. That thought was even more upsetting, you didn’t think he was like that.

You hear the door unlocking, and brace yourself for a lecture from your sister.

“Before you start asking me a million questions, can you at least bring me water from the fridge?” You ask your sister. 

Emma doesn’t respond, but you hear the fridge open. 

You turn and sit up, “I’m really sorry I left you. I just needed to get out of there-”

You stop talking at the sight of Seonghwa standing in your room, holding a water bottle for you. 

He sounds out of breath, “You didn’t misunderstand.”

You’re shocked that he’s actually in your room right now all you can manage to say is, “Seonghwa.” 

He starts towards you but stops himself, “Do you mind if I sit on your bed?”

You sit up and motion for him to come over. He sits right next to you, his feet still on the ground. You’re surprised by how frantic he looks. 

“I’m so sorry about earlier. I was jealous that you were dancing with other guys, so I was acting like an idiot. I’m sorry that hurt you, after everything you told me about your ex-” He can’t even finish the sentence, he just puts his head in his head. 

You touch his arm, “Hey it’s okay. I overreacted. We are both single, you’re allowed to do whatever you want.”

Seonghwa looks at you with wide eyes, “Don’t say that. I know you feel the same. When we kissed- I’ve never felt like that before.”

“S-stop. Please. I can’t do this.” You say with a lump in your throat.

Seonghwa looks like he’s trying not to cry, “What do you mean?”

You take a shaky breath, “I think the way I acted tonight is proof enough that I’m not ready for a relationship. The instant connection I feel with you is scary. When I saw you with that other girl…I didn’t respond how I should have.” You look in his eyes, “I’m so sorry, I just don’t think I’m ready yet.”

A tear falls from Seonghwa’s eyes, “I fucked up, I lost your trust. Please can I have a chance to rebuild your trust in me? I’ve never felt this way about someone, y/n.”

You think for a minute, and almost give in. Almost.

“You have nothing to apologize for. We just met. Besides, I live in America and you’re all the way over here. I don’t speak Korean, and you’re a celebrity.” You collect your thoughts for a moment and meet his watery eyes, “I just think there are a lot of things working against us. I’d rather things just end things now, if I feel this way after just one kiss…I can’t start something like that. I’m so sorry Seonghwa. I just think I’ll be the one getting my heart broken at the end of it.”

Seonghwa feels speechless, his vision is blurry from the tears falling from his face. He stands quickly, surprising you. He walks to the edge of the room. 

“Well I disagree, but I respect that you need more time.” He meets your eyes, “Just so you know, the things you brought up, none of them are deal breakers for me. I already speak English, and I would make regular visits with you mandatory for my contract. Just think about it, okay?”

You respond quietly, “Okay.”

Seonghwa immediately turns and walks out of your hotel room. You fall onto your bed, and the tears immediately stream down your face. 

Five minutes later, Emma enters your room. She walks to your bed, and sees you all curled up eyes red from crying. 

She sits with you, “What happened? I gave Seonghwa twenty minutes, but he only used ten. Then when he came down, it was obvious he had been crying. Now I find you crying. What’s going on, y/n? I thought the two of you would’ve made up.”

You shake your head, “I’m just not ready to put myself out there again. Things with Seonghwa…the way I feel about him, I just need more time. Can we talk more in the morning? I’m exhausted.”

Thankfully Emma doesn’t argue, and goes to shower before bed. You turn off your lamp, and promptly cry yourself to sleep. 

You wake up to the smell of food. You roll over and see Emma standing awkwardly as the hotel worker brings in your tray of food. They speak for a moment, and then the employee leaves. 

“What time is it?” You ask. Your voice raspy from the light before. The memories quickly come flooding back, and your head starts throbbing.

Emma laughs at your disheveled state, “It’s 6pm, we slept all day.”

You groan, “Oh my god my head is pounding.”

Emma brings you over an assortment of food, as well as medicine for your headache. 

You smile, “Wow thank you. You were so prepared!”

Emma shrugged, “It wasn’t me. Seonghwa had all of this sent over. He asked me to text him when we woke up, he knew you were going to be in bad shape.” 

You are pretty shocked to hear that after last night's fiasco, but are also grateful. You begin digging into your food, and chugging water.

“So I was thinking”, Emma starts, “What if you spent the next few days in Jinju? Nari told me that the people at the orphanage are already asking when you’re coming. It seems that they are eager to show you their hospitality since you gave such a large donation. You could spend a few days away from Seoul, clear your head, and then we could meet in Namhae since it’s not far from there.”

Y/n is surprised by Emma, “You aren’t coming with me?”

Emma responds, “Only if you feel comfortable taking the train there alone. A local guide will be picking you up from the station. I was planning to spend a few more days here with Nari. We could meet up in Namhae, and then continue our trip from there?”

Well you definitely don’t want to hold your sister back, but this is rather surprising. But maybe Emma is right, it would be nice to get away from the city for a few days. Even though you literally just got here. Park Seonghwa really did a number on you. 

You ask, “You said someone will be picking me up from the train station?”

Emma smiles, “They were so insistent and excited to have you, I couldn’t say no. But yes, a local guide will be picking you up so you don’t have to do any navigation. Your train leaves tomorrow Monday morning at 8, and then I’ll meet you in Jinju on Wednesday and we can travel to Namhae together. Does that sound okay?”

Honestly, you were a little confused as to why it felt like your sister was trying to get rid of you. But you were also too exhausted to question further. You can’t deny it though, you are pumped at the idea of exploring Jinu for the next few days. The people who work for the orphanage you donated to are extremely kind as well. 

You shrug, “Sure. You are acting suspicious by the way, but I’ll go along with it.”

Your sister giggles, “Nothing gets passed you does it? This will all make sense soon enough.”

Y/n ignores her sister’s very suspicious comment, honestly you’re too jetlagged to care. You scarf down your food, and go to the bathroom to take a quick shower. 

After your shower, you and Emma make a quick stop to the 7-eleven across the street from the hotel. The two of you spend a good thirty minutes just being excited, and looking at all the different food and beverage options. You both decide to sit inside and snack on some cup noodles. 

“So how’s your head?” Emma asks.

You respond, “After the food, medicine, and shower I’m doing much better. What about you?”

Emma gives a thumbs up, “I’m great! You forget, I’m much younger so I bounce back fast.”

You scoff, “I suppose that’s true.”

There’s an uncomfortable pause followed by silence as the sisters finish up their snacks. Emma wants to ask about Seonghwa, but she can feel that y/n isn’t wanting to talk about it. This whole situation has really shocked Emma. She wasn’t expecting you to be so into him. You’re normally pretty reserved, so when Wooyoung came in yelling that you and Seonghwa were making out in the car she didn’t believe it at first. But then she saw the two of you walk in together, and she instantly realized that Wooyoung wasn’t lying. The way you look at Seonghwa, she’s never seen you look at someone like that before. Based on what Nari was telling her, this also isn’t normal for Seonghwa. He was more into flings, and relationships that weren’t going anywhere. 

Emma also will never forget the look on Seonghwa’s face when she was screaming at him. He looked absolutely panicked when he realized you had left, and that his behavior was why. Emma was ready to grill him, but his response surprised her. Seonghwa was nearly in tears when he was begging Emma to let him apologize to you. The whole ride to the hotel, he was so upset with himself. The original plan that Emma and Nari had come up with, was just for the two of you to hook up with no strings attached. Emma knew you were in desperate need of a good fuck, and Nari said that Seonghwa would be the perfect match since he’s not really into relationships. Or so they thought. 

The rest of the night consisted of you packing up the few things you took out from your suitcase, and scrolling through your phone in bed. You fell asleep around 8:30pm (thank you, jetlag). You wore something cute but comfortable to the train station. Emma was nice enough to come with you, so at least you didn’t have to navigate yourself to the station. 

“Alright I think you’re all set! The train leaves in 15 minutes, so that’ll give you enough time to get situated,” Emma says.

You smile, “I’ll see you on Wednesday, and no more surprises after this okay? I think I’ve had enough for a lifetime since getting to Korea.”

Emma laughs, “Of course. Just remember, keep an open mind. I know how stubborn you are, but maybe just this once see where it goes before shutting it down completely.”

You look at your sister confused, “Okay now I’m even more suspicious. What the hell are you planning, Emma?”

Emma smiles and nods to the train, “You better go, I don’t want you to be late because you missed your train. I love you, and just try to relax and have fun! You deserve to be happy.”

She gives you a hug and gently nudges you to the train. You get on the train and find your seat. You get situated in your seat, and now your mind is racing. What could Emma have possibly planned for you?! 

The ride to Jinju was actually delightful. You loved being able to look outside the window, and see so many different parts of Korea. Your playlist and convenience store snacks also make the trip very enjoyable. You’re only a few minutes away from Jinju when you realize you didn’t ask where to meet your guide. 

The train has finally arrived in Jinju. You pack up your things, and go to grab your suitcase. It takes a few minutes, but you have made it off the train. The station is pretty packed, so you begin looking around and walking towards the exit.

“Y/n!”

Your head turns and your eyes widen, “Seonghwa?”

[t0ast-ghost]

okay get ready, strap in, we got a two parter. Time for my notes on episodes 12&13 (The Menagerie):

- I wonder if they’re really gonna put the men into menagerie

- I got whammied. They all appeared at once. Together.

- OMG PIKE

- the kuleshov effect doesn’t work to well in this situation

- Spock’s gonna betray them? Kirk believes that Spock can literally do no wrong

- Spock sneaking around is hilarious but again hiding in plain sight should not be an effective strategy

- UHURA! Yes!

- SPOCK! No!

- He’s so stressed, look MORE EMOTION

- where has Bones puttered off to- oh there he is

- Kirk devastated that his boyfriend could lie to him so he confides in his other boyfriend about it

- Bones sitting on surfaces compilation (12:35)

- “there’s a false entry that doesn’t jibe with the facts” jibe…

- Bones defending Spock my heart ughhhggg

- Why is Spock trying to get Doctor McCoy back on the enterprise??

- he yoinked the ship- he fuckin yoinked it

- uh oh McCoy is suspicious. “Follow Spock’s instructions to the letter” like hell he will

- Spock listening to “shuttlecraft is past point of safe return” and you can see him look like ‘god fucking dammit Jim’

- “I keep thinking who would be coming at us in a shuttle craft, and I keep coming up with the same answers” yeah it’s your idiot boyfriend, McCoy

- “for mutiny, doctor. I never received orders to take command” and that’s your second idiot boyfriend

- Bones is so worried, he doesn’t want Spock confined, he also doesn’t want to believe he’s been deceived by his friend

- Spock looks so ashamed and sad. He’s sad.

- “whatever he’s up to, he’s planned it well” no he hasn’t. I see his fear and panic. (Edit: this turned out to be somewhat untrue)

- wow that’s a good angle on those tapes. That’s so cool that they’re bringing back the pilot tho

- forgot this was how he chose to lay down to wait for his doctor

- wait wait wait so you expect me to believe aliens filmed this episode?

- so is Spock trying to send Pike to this planet so that he can live with Vina?

- *close up on Spock from episode one. Cut to the meeting room present day* Kirk: I’m so glad Bones bought you that eyeshadow, Mr. Spock

SECOND PART STARTS HERE - checkpoint

- considering how blue Pike’s eyes are it’s so funny how Chris Pine ended up playing Kirk and not a guy called Chris Pike…

- that’s kind of amazing how it almost seems like this is just apart of the episode (especially considering the fact that all the stuff in the original episode had so much world building. Like it really seemed like all the adventures were already normal.) like they made this past storyline as just another part of the episode.

- forgot how awesome number one was, kinda excited to watch strange new worlds now

- get sent to hell, dipshit

- I FORGOT ABOUT THE ‘bouinngg’ NOISE

- since they get to replay a whole damn episode I get to put in my favourite notes I made from watching this the first time

- WHAT THE COMMODORE WAS FAKE?!?

- the nod from the beings at the end is so like “yeah that sounded so good.”

- and they lived happily ever after

The end

Master post

(note to self: Pls draw Bones doing Spock’s makeup but like that one pic)

[notoriousbeb]

Lighthouse Keeper Tweets

Part Three: February 2024 - July 2, 2024

Back to Part One Back to Part Two

Feb. 5, 2024 (barely) 12 a.m.

"'I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love.'"

Now THIS is interesting. First, this is a Jane Austen quote (from Mr. Darcy of Pride and Prejudice [see 11/28 tweet, as well]). In the book, Darcy goes on to say, "Of a fine, stout, healthy love it may. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away." What Darcy is saying here is that he formerly thought pretty words and declarations were enough to sustain a relationship, but he now knows that's not enough. The underlying bond has to be strong first, or it's all for naught. Interesting. Because, my second point about this post is: this is the date of the Grammy's, and the date Taylor announced The Tortured Poets Department.

Feb. 16, 2024 1:30 a.m. BST

"You don't mess with love, you mess with the truth."

These are lyrics from Ellie Goulding's "On My Mind." Someone can't stop thinking about someone!

Feb. 18, 2024 10:45 p.m. BST

"The dirt on my jeans from the mud on the Heath feels like karma to me"

Perhaps someone is starting to realize he fucked up.

Feb. 23, 2024 4:50 p.m. BST "A tangle on the television and the magazine."

These are lyrics from The Arctic Monkey's Teddy Picker. Perhaps, and this is just a guess by me, obviously, but maybe a shot at TK, who was riding around in a rented sportscar, speeding and blowing red lights in Australia while following Taylor on tour?

Feb. 26, 2024 12 a.m. BST

"I've let love be free, and I've let it go. I've let it fade and I've watched it blow."

Sad.

March 20, 2024 5:35 p.m.

"You go back, Jack, do it again, wheel turnin' ' round and 'round"

These are lyrics from Steely Dan's "Do It Again."

March 22, 2024 1:41 a.m.

"One to remember A spill to reflect on High in your bedroom Will you still remember?"

He mentions in his replies that he's "feeling creatively inspired by the people [he's] surrounded with." Perhaps in the studio? A little poem for someone. Reminds me of the "you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate," line from TTPD song. So, maybe, yeah, she did remember. Gah, these two exhaust me.

March 28, 2024 1:10 a.m. "If you're gonna try and walk on water make sure you wear you comfortable shoes."

These are lyrics from The Arctic Monkey's " Piledriver Waltz. Could be nothing, but it could also be a few things.... Anxiety about the impending TTPD release (thinking about the line "you're gonna shoot me out of a cannon" here). Pics of TK and TS at Nobu that had just popped up where TS looked annoyed as hell. Also there were all those pics of them from their beach vacation. Also, a few minutes before, he'd posted something about the stars, and then deleted it and proceeded to gaslight everyone on his timeline who asked about it. smh.

April 5, 2024 12 a.m. BST

"Would you hear of an old-time sea-fight? Would you learn who won by the light of the moon and stars? List to the yarn, as my grandmother's father the sailor told it to me?"

This is a bit of the Walt Whitman poem "Song of Myself." Has the tell-tale moon and stars, of course. What is he fighting for, I wonder. And who will win?

April 8, 2024 10:35 p.m. BST

"I looked around then for a reason When there wasn't something more to blame it on But, if time makes a difference while we're gone Tell me now, and I won't be hanging on"

These are lyrics from The Eagles' "Train Leaves Here This Morning." Maybe feeling defeated? He's about to leave to go to Japan with TR. When someone mentions in replies that this isn't a happy song (it's not. it's about one of the band members going through a divorce), LK replies: "Or, you could see it as a gateway to happiness. Sometimes the path to joy needs some pruning, and leaving things behind." Then someone else replies, "This is how it has to be though, right?" And LK responds, "I mean... no? Nothing really has to be anything; new things wash up on the shore, seasons pass, gardens flourish and die. Life is ever fluctuating. But also, it's just a great Eagles song." That's some true blue Aquarius shit right there. LOL. Another tidbit from the replies, he likes "Idaho" and "Words" by Gregory Alan Isakov.

April 12, 2024 8:30 p.m. BST / 4:30 a.m. JST

"Take a second, take a minute, take a mile Run the routes, light it up, enjoy the highs"

Probably in Japan?

April 19, 2024 12:31 p.m. BST

"Certified member of The Tortured Poets Department now."

And so it begins, again. Comments in the replies that he's feeling "tortured and poetic." Says he can't pick a favorite track yet.

April 25, 2024 7 p.m. BST

"I won't sit here and wax poetic to try and untangle the way we've crossed each other's firing range"

Sure, Jan. In his replies, he says he's currently inspired by "my life, my fears, my loves, my losses, in no particular order." Also says his current favorite TTPD track, "Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus" "has [his] heart."

April 26, 2024 12:35 a.m. BST

"Love is no more Than the wide blossom which the wind assails, Than the great tide that treads the shifting shore, strewing fresh wreckage gathered in the gales"

Already wrote about this here. My dude here is IN IT. He sarcastically says he's feeling "dazzling," and when asked who he's dancing with he replies, "Myself, my closet skeletons, and my wandering mind!" Cool night, LK. Sounds like a blast!

April 29, 2024 10:55 p.m. BST

"I used your old toothbrush to clean out my keep cup I suppose that's the way things are right now"

A keep up. So, who's toothbrush we talking about here?

April 30, 2024 1:01 a.m. "What are our vices for today?"

I've already posted about how very, very well he's doing.

May 3, 2024 12:30 a.m. "When the garden leaves blow and you jump out your skin once the shock starts to go that's when solitude sets in"

Already posted about this one, too. Tayrry no more?

May 9, 2024 10:40 p.m. BST

"I should think most of my problems are solvable by feeling the sun's warmth and the sparkle of the stars."

He did pop up in a couple spots in London (a cab, dinner and the ballet) the next day with a nice tan! I'd hoped he'd been to Paris, but it was overcast and not very warm there. Maybe he was just laying out in the Heath taking it easy (and maybe texting someone??). In his replies, he seems in quite a good mood and talks about getting high to write. He also replies to a commenter who asked, "Are you watching TTPD livestream from Paris?" LK said, "I had hoped she would come to Eroda. Granted, it would be a lot more intimate than she's used to..." Cheeky, bugger.

May 17, 2024 3:25 p.m. BST

"Would you be angry? At the cruelty of history Fading away the stories we penned For slamming the dot at the end.

Here's how I interpret this: LK is asking the muse, would you be angry at history if it decided this was it for us? If this was where it decided our story ended? In his replies, LK also mentions he’s been doing some “embroidery.” This reminds me of the line in “loml,” “we embroidered the time of when I was away, stitching ‘we were just kids, babe.’” Perhaps LK is musing about memories today. He also says in response to the question “May I ask you what you would change about your past, what do you like about your present and what would you like get in your future?” “I guess there's not much point in thinking about changing the past, and I love the love I have right now, and in the future l'd like to keep that love.” In Haylor news, rumors are that Tayrry has split. Taylor is about to play night one in Stockholm after spending time with TK in Italy and Harry is unseen (rumor is he's out of London doing a photoshoot--perhaps for HS4, I hope!).

May 19, 2024

May 23, 2024

June 5, 2024

June 8, 2024

June 15, 2024

June 16, 2024

June 16, 2024 (2)

June 20, 2024

June 25, 2024

July 2, 2024

[callsignspark]

Bradley and Mary

straddling your partner's thighs

look at what you've done, anon. I've gone and written something ridiculously long.

send me a physical intimacy prompt for any of my Dagger, Sword & Shield couples!

your lap is my safe place - part i

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, uterine cancer (discussions of a terminal illness and treatment), death due to cancer (established universe death), grief over losing a parent, funerals, panic attacks, vomiting, you don’t need to read Mar[r]y Me to read and understand this but you should anyway

word count: 7.1k

part ii - coming soon

note: originally, this was supposed to be a short, simple prompt answer - one part sad and one part smutty - but it's gotten extremely out of hand due to my inability to be brief. so this is part one (the sad part), and the smutty sequel will be coming (ha) sometime early next week. and when I say this part is sad, I mean sad. some of this is very much based on my experience with loved ones who have had cancer and/or were terminally ill. it was very therapeutic to write, even if I did cry a whole lot.

Tuesday, September 3, 2002 | 06:35 A.M.

Bradley wakes up to his alarm clock blaring in his ear, feeling like he’s going to throw up, which is weird for him. Mav says that he’s never met anyone with a stronger stomach. Eighteen-year-olds have stomachs of steel, his mom jokes when she’s having a good day.

He stumbles down the hall and hangs his head over the toilet. Nothing comes up. The nausea goes away in a few minutes, but his gut still feels twisted. He brushes his teeth and decides the likely culprit is the new recipe Mav attempted for dinner last night. He choked down a few bites of the horrible fish tacos before his uncle called it a failure and ordered pizza.

Back in his room, it doesn’t take him long to finish getting ready, pulling on his new first-day-of-school outfit and shaping his mustache. He doesn’t care what Slider says; it’s looking good, much thicker than when he started growing it in April.

“It’s my first day of senior year, my last first day of school. Until the academy, anyway. But with the summer training, the first day of classes probably won’t even feel like a first day.”

His father’s official Lieutenant-JG portrait stares back at him. Unanswering as he fixes his hair.

“Mom is getting worse… She’s getting weaker; I don’t think we have very long before she has to go into hospice. I really want her to get better - I wished for it - but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

He swallows hard and fights back tears, remembering his birthday just a few months ago. Everything hadn’t seemed quite as bad then as it is now.

“I hope she can make it to Christmas. I almost have enough money saved up to buy her that pair of earrings that look like the ones Princess Diana had at her wedding. They’re not real pearls like hers, obviously, but the lady at the jewelry counter told me they’re replicas, so I think she’ll like them anyway.”

Brown eyes identical to his own stare back at him. Hints of the mischievous, prank-loving man visible in the polite smile captured. The old photo is carefully tucked into the edge of his mirror; it was his mom’s first, but she gave it to him when he was eight. She had caught him staring at it every day for a week, quietly talking to it about his day.

“Wish me luck, Goose. It’s gonna be a big year.”

Downstairs, he’s greeted with the second weird thing of the day. First, his stomach, and now his mom is flipping pancakes. She’s hardly had the strength to use the bathroom by herself in the last six months, but this morning, she’s standing at the stove, singing along to the radio, and making his favorite breakfast.

She’s always said that bad things happen in threes, but strange things happen in pairs.

He thinks she might be right, but if she feels good, he’s not complaining. She never feels good anymore.

“There he is! Oh, Mav! Look at my baby boy, all grown up and ready for his last year of high school!”

“Ma…” He groans, and without prompting, he bends down to let her kiss and pinch his cheeks like he always does.

He’s not sure how many good days she has left, so he tries his best to behave and make her life easier.

He doesn't complain when she asks him to take the garbage out after he already did; her memory hasn’t been as good since she got sick. He keeps the anger inside when everyone forgets his baseball games because she had chemo; it’s more important for Mav and Ice to take care of her than to watch him throw a ball around. He even offered up his college fund to help pay for another round of treatment. He was denied before he could even finish the suggestion, but he just wants her to get better more than anything in the world.

Needs her to get better.

She sets a stack of pancakes in front of him, and again, he has the urge to cry when she kisses the top of his head. Her perfume takes over his senses, and if he closes his eyes, it’s almost like he’s little again.

A massive stack of fluffy, perfectly round pancakes, slathered in butter and syrup, filled with his mom’s love.

Mav sitting across the table from him, drinking the worst black coffee to exist on the planet.

His mom humming off-key at the stove, her beautiful, golden hair swishing as she gets into a song.

But then he opens his eyes, and he’s not little anymore.

The pancakes are still covered with butter and enough syrup to give him a cavity, but they’re not the same. They’re flat and mishappen; her arms aren’t very strong anymore, so Mav must’ve had to help her.

Mav still sits across from him, terrible black coffee in his mug, but now he looks old. Too old for someone in his thirties. They’ve been lucky he’s been able to be here this past year. After Mom got sick, Ice and Viper pulled some strings to get him assigned to a shore-duty desk job. Bradley knows he hates it. Can see it in the way he watches every plane that passes overhead - civilian, military, it doesn’t matter - his fingers twitching to be the one controlling the powerful engines. But he never complains, is steady and strong, taking Mom to appointments and Bradley to school.

His mom is humming at the stove for the first time in a long time, somehow more in tune than she’s ever been. He wants to make a joke about how the treatments must have fixed her tone-deafness, but it would just make everyone sad. A reminder that it’s the only thing her treatment has fixed.

It’s taken everything else away.

Her skin, once bright and youthful, is now dull and gray-toned. Her energy has been zapped; she doesn’t even have it in her to make it through their Sunday movie nights. Her body is frail. She was always slim, but now she borders on gaunt, her appetite nonexistent most of the time. Her hair was the first thing to go, a rotation of brightly colored scarfs and hats replacing the blonde strands that used to reach her shoulders. He looks at today’s choice. A bright red scarf that matches the white sundress and red cardigan she’s pulled on.

She looks pretty.

“You look pretty, mom.”

It grabs the attention of both adults, the two of them staring long enough that he squirms in his chair.

“Thank you, baby.” Her pleased smile tells him it was the right thing to say. “You don’t want your pancakes?”

“I do. They look great, but my stomach kinda hurt when I got up, so I don’t want to eat right now. I’m sorry. If you put them in the fridge, I can eat them for dinner.”

“Oh, don’t be silly! It’s a special day; we’re going to have something special for dinner! Something that Mav won’t be making.” The teasing smile she sends to the table makes the knot in his stomach unwind some. It makes him feel good enough to take a small bite.

The shape is wrong, and they’re not fluffy enough, but the taste is the same. The flavor melts over his tongue. The pressure in his chest, the one that showed up around the same time as his mom’s cancer diagnosis, lightens a little bit.

I should fake sick and stay home.

The thought comes out of left field, but he’s immediately on board. She hasn’t had a good day in forever, and he doesn’t want to miss it. Who knows when the next one will come. If there will even be another good day. He wants to spend time with his mom while she knows what’s happening.

“My stomach hurts; I don’t think I can go to school.” He groans and grabs his stomach, trying to look as pathetic as possible to sell his story.

He’s forgotten how sharp his mom is, how well she knows him. “Nice try, honey. You were fine two seconds ago, and you’re not missing your first day of senior year. Now, c’mon! It’s photo time!”

Carole is marching towards the front door before he can argue, so he tries to sway Mav in his favor. But the dark-haired man just shakes his head and avoids eye contact, grabbing the camera off the counter. Bradley stands in the middle of the kitchen, the knot retwisting itself.

He suddenly realizes that his upset stomach has nothing to do with yesterday’s tilapia trying to get its revenge and everything to do with what he overheard in the waiting room during his mom’s last checkup.

“I know, I heard. Isn’t it terrible? He'd been sick for a while, but it seemed like he was getting better. He even took his kids on a bike ride, and then - BAM! - he was gone the next day!”

“Oh, that happens a lot with people who are sick for a long time. Toward the end, they get this sudden burst of energy. It’s like God’s way of giving a happy memory to them and their loved ones. Letting them have one last good day before they go.”

He’s actually going to throw up this time.

Bradley drags his feet all the way to the front door, delaying his departure as much as possible. He doesn’t want to leave, but he knows he’s not going to win any fight against her right now - he’s going to school, come hell or high water. And he doesn’t want to fight with his mom; instead, he chooses to commit the moment to memory.

The gentle touch of her hands as she fusses with his hair, making sure it’s just right before any photos.

The brightness of her smile, how it’s the one thing that’s never dimmed despite everything she’s gone through.

The teasing barbs she exchanges with Mav, the man who has been family to her for longer than Bradley has been alive.

He looks at Mav, the man who has done his best to help raise him. Tried so hard to be a fatherly figure in place of the man who was lost too soon. Mav looks tired, Bradley wonders if he’s thinking the same thing as him.

She’s going. She’s going, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Just like every year since kindergarten, they squish together on the porch, his mom wrapping her arm around his waist. He thinks about how she used to have to squat down so their heads were together. Now, she’d have to go on her tiptoes, and he’d have to crouch down for that to happen.

He knows his smile looks fake; he has to force himself because this might be the last photo he gets with his mom, and that makes him sad beyond words. Carole quickly fixes that, tickling his side on that one spot that always gets him. He giggles and tries to squirm away, his smile turning happy and real as she laughs at him.

“You’re just like your father; he was ticklish in the exact same spot.”

Even the talk of Goose doesn’t bring them down like it usually does. Today, it lifts everyone’s spirit to realize how much he’s like the father he didn’t get to know.

After Mav has taken an ungodly number of photos, Bradley asks for the camera and stands next to his uncle. He snaps photo after photo of his mom, hoping that if he takes enough, he won’t ever be able to forget this moment. Then he shuffles Mav on the porch and takes photos of the pseudo-siblings. He rearranges them one last time, setting the camera on the porch railing and hitting the timer.

He doesn’t know it yet, but that photo of the three of them standing in the yard with the Bronco just visible in the background will be the last photo taken of his mother. As an adult, it will be tied for first place with five others as his favorite photo of all time.

After the last flash, Carole pulls him close. “I am so proud of you, Bradley. Your dad would be so proud of you. You’re such a good boy. I love you so much.”

He hugs her tighter than he should; he can’t help it. The little gasp she lets out at the intensity of his hug makes him feel a bit guilty, but he doesn’t stop.

He doesn’t want to let her go.

“I know, honey. I know. It’s okay.” She tries to soothe her baby, who isn’t a baby anymore. He’s a full-grown man who is so much smarter and wiser than any 18-year-old should ever be. He’s been through so much more than any kid should ever have to go through. She feels bad about how quickly he’s had to grow up. “Everything is gonna be okay.”

No, it’s not going to be okay. But he holds back his tears because he doesn’t want her to cry when she’s having a good day. He reluctantly lets go and slips on his sunglasses - aviators, just like Goose - before heading for his car, knowing that if he doesn’t go now, he’ll never be able to make himself leave.

With his stomach in even more knots than he thought possible, Bradley heads off to school, waving as he pulls out of the driveway. Trying to burn the image of his mom waving, one hand on her hip as Mav nudges her and makes her laugh.

From the moment he parks the Bronco in the seniors-only lot, the entire school day feels like torture. He can’t even enjoy the beginning of his senior year, something he had been waiting for.

Senior year means graduation. Graduation means going to college. College means packing his stuff for Annapolis. Annapolis means he can finally start working on his dream.

He’ll learn how to be an aviator while roaming the same halls as Goose while he learns the ins and outs of aeronautical engineering. He might even be lucky enough to get placed in the same dorm room. Being an aviator means he’ll be just like his father. And Mav. And Ice. And Slider. And all of his other uncles from the class of '86. But he can’t bring himself to be excited like usual.

Instead, he’s on edge the entire day. Waiting to get called to the nurse’s office. They all had agreed as a family - Bradley, Carole, Mav, and Ice - that if she passed when he was at school, they would have the front office call him down to the nurse’s office. Ice would pick him up, Mav likely busy dealing with the doctors and the funeral home and everything.

He can barely eat the lunch his mom packed. A peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, cut into triangles like when he was little. Chips, cucumber slices, and a chocolate chip cookie round out the meal. He tosses most of the food but is careful to keep the little note she had put in the brown paper bag.

I love you, Bradley. You’re going to do great things.

He presses it between the pages of his calculus textbook before he goes to gym, making sure he doesn’t bend the pink sticky note, preserving her swirly handwriting as best he can.

Finally, the bell signaling the end of the eighth period rings. Relief washes through his body. There’s been no call from the nurse, and his school day is over. He hastily packs his bookbag and practically skips towards the parking lot, waving at some friends still in class. He’s one got free period during ninth period, and as a senior, he gets to leave early if he has no class.

He’s planning his route home - he wants to stop at the corner store to grab a treat for his mom - when he skids to a stop where the concrete sidewalk meets asphalt.

Ice is leaning against the bumper of the Bronco.

“Happy birthday, Bradley!” His mom yells before blowing a kazoo.

He couldn’t be happier. It’s his birthday, his mom is having a good day, and he just got the keys to the Bronco. It’s officially his, just like he always dreamed it would be.

“Your dad’s dream was for you two to fix it up together and give it to you on your eighteenth birthday,” Mav explained. “I know I can’t replace him, but we had a good time working on it, right?”

Bradley nods and hugs his uncle. Mav will never be his actual dad, but he’s the closest thing he has to one. He helped raise him. He had sacrificed so many weekends to spend time with him, showing him how to fix the Bronco or throw a football with a perfect spiral. He’d even taken him on motorcycle rides, but they agreed not to tell Mom about that.

“Okay, knock it off, you saps. It’s time to blow out your candles, Baby Goose!” Slider enters the dining room, looking ridiculous with a crooked party hat on his head. He’s concentrating hard to balance a cake that’s much too big for the six people in attendance at his birthday dinner.

It’s set in front of Bradley, and he laughs when he sees the cake is covered in little plane toys. It looks like a cake made for a little kid, and he loves it. Aunt Sarah lights his candles and starts singing. He sits there for 30 seconds, watching his family sing off-key and thinking about how he loves his family so much his heart hurts.

“Okay, baby! Close your eyes and make a wish!” Carole smooths a hand over his hair.

He smiles up at her. “Only if you help me, ma.”

She bends down, doing a quick countdown before they close their eyes and blow out the candles together. For the first time in years, Bradley actually makes a wish.

Please don’t let my mom die. I need her.

Ice is talking to Slider, who’s parked in his white Jeep, and even from this distance, he can tell they’ve been crying.

Slider has obviously given Ice a ride to school, and now they’re waiting for him. If Ice doesn’t have his truck, that means he’s going to be driving Bradley. And that can only mean one thing.

She’s gone. My wish didn’t come true.

His backpack hits the ground at the same time as his knees, and he throws up. It’s not a lot; he’s barely eaten today, and by the time his uncles reach him - their feet pounding on the pavement - he’s just sobbing and dry heaving into the grass.

“Breathe, Bradley. You gotta breathe, buddy.” He can’t tell which one is talking; blood is rushing in his ears, and he just keeps crying.

“Bradley.” It’s Ice, holding his face up. “Listen to me. Your mom is not dead. Do you hear me? She’s not gone. But she had to be taken to the hospital; we’re still waiting for the test results. We’re gonna go there right now, but you need to breathe first, okay? You gotta breathe.”

He does his best to stop crying and take in air. His body literally shudders on the first breath, his lungs greedily sucking in the oxygen. After a few breaths, a water bottle is shoved in front of his face. He doesn’t even know where it came from, but he drinks, his throat raw.

Slider pops a mint into his mouth before helping him stand. “It’ll help your throat and your stomach.”

He races to the car, throwing the keys to Ice, who almost drops them. Both adults speed out of the parking lot, heading directly for the hospital.

Halfway there Ice has a chilling realization. The car is silent. If he’s learned anything in the last twenty-odd years, it’s that a car ride involving a Bradshaw is never silent. There’s always talking and laughing. Usually, you can count on singing and bad seat dancing, but today, it’s silent. There’s not even the sound of crying. And when he looks over at Bradley, he’s startled to find him catatonically staring out the windshield, his face bone dry. He looks like a statue, and it freaks Ice out how quickly he’s shut down. He hasn’t attended Sunday service in a long time, doesn’t even know if he believes in a higher power, but at that moment, he sends off prayers to every deity he can name, hoping that one of them can pull off a miracle for the boy who’s already dealt with so much.

It’s even worse at the hospital, Slider nabbing the spot next to them seconds after Ice shifts into park. The three of them hurry towards the ICU, where a nurse lets them all in after she hears who they’re visiting. Technically, only Bradley and Pete meet the requirements to be allowed in, but the entire ward is aware of the situation and are prepared to let as many people visit as needed.

Bradley freezes halfway to Carole’s room, Slider almost running him over. A priest is walking out of her room. He shakes hands with Mav and somberly nods at the frozen trio when he passes.

Mav watches as his best friends gently nudge his godson forward. His heart feels like it’s splitting in two as tears start streaming down Bradley’s face. A face that looks so old and so young at the same time. Maverick feels like he’s watching his 18-year-old nephew transform into the little boy who just lost his dad. His lower lip trembles just like it used to when he would fall and scrap his knee. Except this time, there’s nothing Mav can do to make it better. There’s no antibacterial spray, no Spiderman band-aid, no over-dramatic kiss with magical healing powers. This time, there’s only a young man who’s now taller than him. He stands in the doorway with red eyes and a mustache that makes him look so much like Goose.

“What happened?” Bradley croaks, afraid to enter the room. He hates the way his mom looks when she’s hooked up to all those machines. The beeping hurts his ears. “Why was the priest in here?”

“I don’t know, kid. We were about to eat lunch, and she collapsed. The doctors don’t know either; the test results didn’t show anything that’s telling them what’s going on. Everything is just suddenly worse.” Mav gets choked up; he can hardly continue. “They uh- they said this is probably it. That we should say our goodbyes. That’s why I had the priest come in. When we talked about her final wishes a while ago, she made me promise she would get her last rites.”

Bradley tackles him in a hug before he finishes talking. They cry together, mourning the loss that hasn’t happened yet.

The four of them have been sitting in silence for hours, listening to the beep of the heart monitor, when Bradley speaks up from his post beside his mom. “What else does she want? I know she wants to be buried next to Goose, but what else? She didn’t tell me.”

“She wants yellow carnations in her arrangements. Her wedding band stays with her, just like Goose, but her engagement ring goes to you. She wants to be wearing that blue dress she wore when she first met your dad.”

“That’s it?”

“There are a few more legal things, like with the house and the cars, but that’s laid out in her will. She made me promise I’ll take care of you, which I was always going to do no matter what.”

And she made me promise I’ll never let you fly.

Mav doesn’t add that final promise to the list; it’s not the right time for that conversation. He’s not sure it’ll ever be the right time.

Carole can feel herself getting weaker, but today is a good day; she feels good. Strong.

“Peter Howard Mitchell! Listen to me, you stupid, stubborn, obnoxious jackass! We don’t have a lot of time before Bradley gets back, and we need to talk about this!”

Bradley had felt guilty about leaving to go to the movies with Tessa Richardson, but Carole had insisted - he’d had a crush on that girl for years. It was about time he had his first kiss. And she was 95% certain it was going to happen today. Her motherly instincts were tingling.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Carole! I’m sick of every conversation we have being about you dying!”

“You think I like talking about it? Knowing that I’m leaving behind my little boy?” She gets in his face, yelling with every ounce of strength she can summon. “You think I like knowing that my body is giving up? That I’m dying? I can feel it happening, Pete! I can feel myself drifting away! And nothing the doctors are doing is helping! I know that it’s scaring Bradley, scaring you, but it’s scaring me most of all!”

Maverick catches her, and they sink to the ground; she sobs in his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry; I’m so sorry, Carole. What do you need me to do?”

“Bradley can’t fly.” She pulls back, wiping her eyes. “He can’t fly for the Navy, Pete. I know he wants to, but you can’t let him.”

“But Carole, it’s his dream to-”

“To die just like his father?” Her words shock him. “I love Nick more than anything, Pete, you know that. But do you know what I would do to have him here with us today? Do you realize I’ve lived three times as long without my husband than I did with him? It’s been fifteen years - almost sixteen. I only knew Nick for five, and we were only married for three before he was gone. I would do anything to have Bradley know his father.”

“Care…”

“You’ve been incredible, Mav. You’ve done your best to be a father to him; he loves you so much. I love you so much; you’re my best friend. But I've missed my husband every day for the last fifteen years. He was the love of my life, and I miss him so much my heart hurts. I’m not going to be here, but I can’t stand the thought of the same thing happening to Bradley. I won’t let that happen to my baby. So, you have to promise me, Pete. Promise me you won’t let him fly.”

They sit on the floor in silence, staring at each other. The internal debate roars inside Maverick, hurting his chest. He loves the Bradshaws more than anything. He would do anything for them. He still feels guilty about his best friend’s death, knows it was his fault, even if the investigation said he was innocent. The guilt of Goose being gone eats away at him, little by little each day.

Carole is right.

He can’t - he won’t - lose Bradley the same way.

“I promise I’ll do my best to keep him out of the air. But Carole, he’s almost an adult. Soon, there won’t be much I can do to control him. I can’t stop him from applying to the Academy or joining the Navy.”

“Yes, you can. Get Ice to pull some strings, indebt yourself to Viper. Do whatever you have to do. Do everything you can to protect him, Pete.” Her voice is cold and emotionless, knowing it will destroy her son, but at least he’ll be alive.

It was the one and only time they had talked about it, but every time Bradley excitedly talked about his future, Carole would look at him with this face that made Mav feel awful. It’s her request, but he was going to be the reason Bradley’s dreams were crushed.

Mav leans over in his chair, guilt and hopelessness consuming his body. The knowledge that his godson was about to be more like him in all the ways he never wanted.

Orphaned. Mother dying, with a broken heart, years after his father was killed while flying.

Denied entrance to the Naval Academy due to something beyond his control.

“She doesn’t want anything else?”

“No.”

It’s the last word spoken. A lie.

Slider and Ice spend the night just outside the door in some extra chairs an orderly had been kind enough to scrounge up. Mav shifts between standing at Carole’s side to hold her hand and sitting ramrod straight at the foot of her bed.

Bradley stays by his mom’s side the entire night, clutching her left hand. He plays with her wedding band, twisting it around her finger like he used to when he was little. He thinks about how different everything is going to be. He’s going to be alone a lot more now. He’s legally an adult, so when Mav gets deployed or transferred, there won’t be a need to scramble to make sure he’s taken care of. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do with the house or if it’s even his to worry about. Mav, Ice, and his mom had taken care of the legal stuff without him. He wonders if Slider would loan him some money so he can get those earrings. She won’t be able to appreciate them, but he still wants her to have them. It’s the last thing he’ll be able to do for her. They’ll go nice with her blue dress, he thinks. He sits there and thinks. He’s there the whole time.

He’s there, wide awake, when Carole takes her last breath at 3:14 AM on September 4th. He’s there when the doctor comes in to declare her dead; he shakes Bradley’s hand, giving him the first of the thousand condolences that will follow. He’s there when the nurse comes in to turn off the monitors and unhook the IVs; she gently asks if he wants to leave while she cleans his mom up, but he refuses. He doesn’t have a lot of time left before he’ll never see her again; he can’t waste any time. He’s there for another hour, trying to say his goodbyes through sobs. He’s there until his uncles drag him out, promising him that he’ll see her again before the funeral. He’s still there, mentally, when he goes to sleep at Uncle Tom’s house. He and Pete are sleeping over, neither of them ready to face the house.

He’s there three days later, shyly asking the funeral director if it would be too much trouble to change his mom’s earrings. When he asked Uncle Ron about the money, he put them both in the car, drove to the mall, and paid for the earrings without question. The two of them hugged for a long time before they went home. He’s there at the viewing, next to his mother’s casket for hours, numbingly accepting condolences and hugs from hundreds of people. The one bright spot is being reminded how many people loved his mom. How wonderful she was to everyone she met.

He’s there at the graveside service, the first to place a rose on the polished wood. He stays there once it ends, refusing to leave, watching as the casket is lowered and the hole is filled with dirt. He’s there to place a bouquet of yellow carnations, her favorite, on top of the fresh earth. He pats the dual gravestone, one half still blank, before he lets Mav pull him to the car. He looks back one last time, and as the sunshine dries his tears, he swears he can hear his parents' laughter in the wind.

As an adult, now with two dead parents and one estranged, he’s there every year that he’s not deployed. He clears away any weeds and leaves before placing a bouquet of yellow carnations on the gravestone that now bears two names. Sometimes, there’s a single red rose already there when he arrives. Those are the years he knows Mav beat him to saying hello. He’s there for hours at a time, sitting with his parents and eating a bag of trail mix with extra M&Ms added - Goose’s favorite.

The first year that he and Mary are together, he’s there alone. He trusts her implicitly, and she knows the whole story. He told her what happened with Mav and everything that followed; it was a conversation they had early on. But this is something too raw, too personal, to share so soon in a relationship. He’s spent so many years doing this by himself that he’s not sure how he would handle having another person with him. Even if it was someone he loves so much.

Mary understands.

“Of course, you understand, you’re perfect.”

“I’m not perfect, Bradley. I just care about your feelings.”

“You’re perfect for me.” He kisses her before she can protest. “Thank you for caring about me.”

The day of, she kisses him softly as he leaves, pushing a sandwich bag of trail mix into his hand. Her only ask is to tell her when he gets home safe if he needs space, letting him know that her house is always open if he doesn’t want to spend the night alone.

He spends that first year catching them up. Now that he’s stationed in San Diego, it’s easier to visit more often, but several things have happened since his last stop. Usually, he talks for a bit and then sits in silence, choosing to reminisce on the happy memories. This time, he spends most of the time talking. Telling his parents about Mav, the shenanigans of the Dagger Squad, about Mary. He tells them all about Mary. How much he loves her, how he hasn’t said it yet because it’s only officially been two months, how he’s pretty sure she can tell anyway. He goes on and on about her eyes, her kindness, her intelligence.

“I love her so much; I’m going to marry her.” He blurts it out, a small gasp following his declaration to the etched granite stone. It’s not the first time he’s had the thought, but it’s the first time he’s said it out loud. And now he can’t stop thinking about it.

Mary in a white dress with a veil sitting on her pretty brown hair, a gold band on her ring finger. The two of them committing themselves to each other in front of all their loved ones. Twirling her around the dance floor to their song, dipping her at the end to kiss her and make her blush. Everything that would follow. A house. A dog. A few kids. Diapers and dance recitals to gray hair and wrinkles.

“Holy shit… I’m going to marry her.” The breeze ruffles his hair, and he knows it’s his parents. “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll make sure we’re married before I get her pregnant, unlike you two.”

He decides to stay the night at Mary’s, feeling better than he ever has on this day. He goes to find her the moment he enters the house, using the key she recently gave him. She’s on her office floor, organizing her bookshelf, when he presses himself against her, devouring her in a kiss. Bradley’s added weight throws her off balance, and the two of them topple over, sprawled in the paperbacks.

When he finally pulls back, he’s pleased to see that she’s flushed and her chest is heaving.

“I’m not complaining, but what was that?”

“I’ve never had someone to come home to after visiting them; I’ve always done it alone.” He talks into her neck, enjoying the way her fingers tighten in his hair when his lips brush her skin. “I’m just really thankful I have you.”

“Oh, Bradley…” Mary doesn’t know what to say. She loves this man so much, and she knows it’s too soon to say that, so she shows him. The night ends with a shower and papercuts in places where papercuts should never happen.

The day sneaks up on him the second year they’re together. They’ve been busy; between work, helping Jake with his surprise, and preparing to move in together, August went by in a blink. It leaves him with no time to mentally prepare.

Bradley jolts awake, sweat covering his temples and his heart thumping. It’s the worst nightmare he’s had in months. It was a twisted mess of awful moments. Some real, some imagined. Reliving his mother’s death but worse, almost dying on the uranium mission, losing Mary to cancer, same as his mom. He woke up just as a doctor was telling him she was gone and he wasn’t allowed to see her.

“No, sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t go back there. Her husband doesn’t want anyone else back there. You’ll have to wait for the funeral… if you’re even allowed in, asshole.”

He whips the covers off and trips his way to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before his dinner makes a return trip. The commotion wakes Mary, and she quickly makes her way to him, finding him laying on the floor, his shirt whipped into the tub.

His chest is so tight it hurts. He can’t believe he’s having a panic attack. He hasn’t had a full-on panic attack in years. There’s been anxiety, moments where he can’t easily catch his breath and his heart beating faster than it should, but nothing like this. He feels like he’s drenched in sweat, his heart is pounding, and he can’t breathe.

“Bradley? Look at me, sweetie.”

Mary.

“Can you look at me, Bradley?” He can hardly see through the tears. “I know it’s hard because you’re crying so hard, but look at me.”

It takes all his strength to turn his head, but he does it because he knows she’s worried.

“There you are. Okay, baby, I need you to breathe with me.”

He’s not exactly sure how she does it, but she helps him calm down. His body listens to her instructions before his brain realizes.

It takes a while, but he can breathe normally again. She helps him sit up, propping himself against the tub and letting his head fall back. He hears the sink run before there’s a soft touch on his shoulder.

“Gonna touch you, that okay?” He nods, appreciative of how considerate she is, always thinking of him.

Mary gently wipes his face, cleaning it of tears and sweat before brushing the washcloth over his arms and chest. It helps ground him, feeling more inside his body than before.

“What time is it?” Bradley rasps as she rinses the cloth.

“Late. Or early, depending on how you want to think about it.” She peeks out of the door, checking the time. Her face is somber when she comes back to him. “It’s 3:20, honey.”

“Twenty years… she’s been gone for twenty years.” He reaches for her, and she easily complies, straddling his thighs when he tugs her hand.

They sit in silence, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms.

“I had a nightmare.” He starts, answering her silent question. “It was her death and the uranium mission back-to-back, losing her and then him.”

She hums, encouraging him to continue. She doesn’t know the details of that mission - her clearance level is high but not that high - but she knows that he and Mav barely made it back. Both of them brushing hands with death multiple times.

They have nightmares. Less frequently now that they’re a few years down the road, but they still happen. Mav dreams that he doesn’t save them, that one of the bogeys gets them before Hangman reaches them. Bradley’s feature him missing the helicopter, having to watch Mav bleed out.

“Then it was you. You were sick. It was the same thing as Mom, uterine cancer. And I couldn’t even say goodbye. You married someone else, and I wasn’t allowed in.”

She takes a sharp breath. That’s new.

“I don’t want to lose you, Mary. I love you so much, I think it would kill me.”

“Oh, honey.” She cradles his face, forcing him to look at her. “You listen to me, Bradley Bradshaw. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you more than anything. In two weeks, we’re going to be living together. When the time is right, we’re going to get married and have a family.”

She can't help but press a quick kiss to his mouth. “And I’m healthy. There’s no history of uterine or breast cancer in my family, and I just had my annual appointment last week. All the tests came back negative for bad things. Nothing is wrong. I'm totally healthy, okay? I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t guarantee that.”

“You’re right, I can’t. We can’t control everything, and sometimes bad things happen. But I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to make sure I don’t ever leave you.”

“Thank you.” His voice is quiet and scratchy. “I know it’s hard with what I do, but I promise you’re my number one thought when I’m in the air; coming home safe to you is my top priority.”

“Now, I’m gonna cry, Bradley.” They both let out watery laughs. “You’re such a sweet man.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now let’s go back to bed; I need my beauty sleep before I meet your parents.” She pulls him up, and they fall asleep quickly, tucked together as the early morning light peeks through the curtains.

When they get to the cemetery the next afternoon, a red rose sits on the headstone. One step in front of him, Mary picks it up and brushes some leaves off the base. He watches as she places the flower back in its spot, plucking a few dandelions before she stands.

“There,” she says, brushing dirt off her hands, “that’s better.”

The wind picks up, twisting her long hair around, and he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, Mom, I know. She’s very pretty. I’m working on proposing. We gotta do some stuff first, but it’s coming.” He mutters under his breath.

“What was that, honey?”

“Nothing, baby doll. Want to help me put the blanket down?” His hat blows off, and he scowls at the tree that’s nearby, smiling when he hears her muffled giggle.

Miss you, dad.

part six will be coming next week! have a great weekend everyone!

@gretagerwigsmuse | @bobfloyds | @hangmanbrainrot | @notroosterbradshaw | @princessphilly | @roleycoleyreccenter | @thesewordsareallihavetogive | @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby | @katieshook02 | @hellojameshowyadoin | @aristotles-butthole | @atarmychick007 | @whatislovevavy | @kmc1989 | @sometimesanalice

fic tag | Mar[r]y Me masterlist | credit for dividers here

[idk-i-want-mcl-content]

describing my MCL profile (with @mclmora's template :D)

hi! as you can guess I'm yet again thinking about MCL, as one does, and I thought filling this template could be fun :3 📸 user's profile + favorite outfits

💗 name: ?

💗 b-day: 08/12

💗 zodiac sign(s): Saggitarius Sun, Scorpio Moon.

💗 nationality: Salvadorian.

💗 favorite flirt(s): Lysander, Armin and Nathaniel.

💗 player since: 19/12/2015

🎮 Currently playing → Episode 32: Happy Life, Double Life! (Armin's route); Episode 29: The Love of Art (Lysander's route)

💘 lom meters (US server)

nathaniel, 95%

castiel, -52%

lysander, 95%

armin, 75% (💘)

kentin, 35%

❔answering questions: - which club did you pick? I picked the gardening club, because even though in real life I cannot take care of a plant for the life of me (i've tried) i'm even less... skilled, in sports lol. Don't get me wrong I think both things are fun but it's just not my thing.

headcanon time: My Candy signed up for the gardening club, befriended Jade (and had a crush on him at the start of the year) and because she was more a danger than anything in the garden (shenanigans ensue) , she ended up switching clubs, then became representative of her class (I imagine the high school has a lot of students, she's from a different section than the other characters on the first year.) and that's how she ended up befriending Melody and Nath. In the second year, Jade switches schools :c he was one of her best friends there.

-which is your favorite ep?

oh, don't ask me that :") I'll better give you a list in NO specific order because I really, REALLY can't choose: 17 (bye Debrah), 21 (the play!!!), 23 (nath's house), 31 and 32 (lysander's arc), 33 (iris party) and 40 the finale of course! - which non-datable character you like the most?

Priya wasn't datable in HSL so her lol, also Jade and Dajan are really cool in my mind, even thought they appear in only two episodes for some reason I always include them in my headcanons. Mmm, this is hard lol because I like a lot of characters from different reasons and it's hard to compare them to each other yk. Like, objectively we may feel more inclined to say Rosa or Alexy, but that's because we know them really well. But then there's Iris best girl for example, Leigh is also really nice. And then I have fanon versions of Melody and Karla that, in my mind, make me like them more...

It's tough man, but being honest, probably Amber because yes in HSL she was a BULLY I think, as a character, I really like her, she's compelling to me.

👩🏽‍🎓univerity life: to start

❔answering questions:

-what do you think of the removal of kentin, armin and lysandre?

because I have had a lot of time to reflect on this, and now we have alternative life and everything, I think it doesn't hit me as much as it did when I saw the news the first time. Of course it's still sad, because reading all the amazing headcanons people have for these three LIs for that season really makes me wish they did something different but hey! I think the new routes weren't as bad as people make them to be, because they constantly like to compare the new v.s. the old routes and that's not the point. The point is for people to have fun, and i've seen fanarts, fanfics and blogs dedicated to Hyun, Rayan and Priya :D also, adding Priya as a love interest IN MY OPINION was a really nice choice, a lot of people liked her before and now being able to date her??? queen, just give me the ring.

-which one is your favorite episode?

I haven't played this season myself, but i've watched the playthrough of it on YT (planetsucrette te adoro) and honestly? episode 15 "Emotional Rollercoaster" HAS to be at least in my top three for this season, yes i'm a nathaniel girlie but idk, all the drama and the build up and the illu!!! ugh it's so good, I really enjoyed watching it and I cannot imagine finishing that episode and have to WAIT for the continuation!!! the intrigue!!!

Also Rosa's story reaaally pulled my heart strings, i'm going to be honest with you, and there's a scene where Candy has this memory box and there's a bunch of photos from High School, and there's one with them and Alexy and the way they narrate that part is just- is fantastic, I loved it a lot. I think it's on ep 11.

-is there something you don't like about this season?

uh... well, for the longest time, I didn't even wanted to know what it was about, mainly because my interest remained in HSL and the fact that 2/3 of my boys weren't even there was not motivation, at all. There's nothing at the top of my head that I have to critique in general. Maybe if I gave it a little bit more thought, but eh, not in the mood.

💎 alternate life

lysander: (1st episode)

questions for you ♡

how do you feel about his new design?

i'm in love with his new design, not even going to lie to you. literal heart eyes every time i see him 💗💗💗💗💗

what do you think of his character development?

mmm... i think i said somewhere else in the SEA of post I have rambling about this game lol but, I agree with the sentiment that they could have took a different approach to his story in general. He's still charming, of course, but i'm completely biased in that.

non-datable characters that I love

yes the whole HSL cast. i don't care. they forever will live free in my mind.

general questions ♡

-how did you discover the game?

thanks to a friend who really liked anime :) she was my best friend at the time but I ended up falling in love with the game thanks to roleplaying with two of my best friends in the world + my new bestie because the other one switched schools lol. Now that I think about it, I don't know what her route was xd

Random fact: Those two friends I mentioned? They are both in love with Lysander and are always telling me they are going to steal him from me JAJAJAJA. All of us are head over heels for Armin though. One of them is Kentin's route and Castiel's route (yes, the complete opposites lol) and the other one loves Castiel TO DEATH. Also, my IRL bestie is also Castiel route and uh, quick question: Why does EVERYONE I know love Castiel while the dude literally hates ME? I'm saying like, in every damn account he always manages to be my LOWEST lom. Wanna know why? because I always befriend Nath.

-which one is your favorite special episode (ex: halloween 2011, easter 2012, ect)?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH NOOOOO DON'T DO THIS!!!!! but-

I have fond memories of playing the Valentine's 2018 event, it was the last one :"""") (i think). Why do I remember you ask? Because I did screamed when I saw this illu for the first time:

look at my boys. LOOK AT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-have you played the spin-offs? if yes, which one was your favorite?

sadly no :c i'm short on AP yk, I'm a free to play girlie till the day I die.

💗 the end?

and that's the end :))) If you've read any part of this uh, thank u??? I started writing this tag as a fun silly activity but I ended up getting invested and thinking more about my silly AU. Also, you may have noticed I just call my candy "Candy" and that's not because they don't have names, but the reason is because they are my real names and I don't feel comfortable sharing them online!

I've tried to search for synonyms of my names to use for them, but they just don't feel like me and at the end of the day, My Candy Love is supposed to be played from your perspective and so, yes my candys have different personalities and dynamics with the characters but idk, they are based around me and so giving them other names doesn't really work for me??? it's a matter of preferences I guess.

i'm really fond of this game, but it's a part of me that i only get to talk openly about here on tumblr or with those 2-3 friends, so writing all of this was a sweet experience.

[hotdilfs11]

Mafia Boss-Thomas Shelby x Reader pt4

Rest of the parts

✩summary: The Shelby knew this girl when she was very little. However, when her mother passed away (at 16) everything changed and everyone drifted away from each other. Now after seven years Veronica is a mafia boss in her fathers business. Her father sent her to Birmingham on business, will this play off well?

✩pairings:girl named Veronica(POC) x Thomas Shelby

✩warnings: none

-------------------------------------------------

The morning came early as I woke up in bed watching the sun leaked through my window. The morning air was crisp and fresh, and everything came into focus as I sat up from my bed and looked around the glib room. I started to remember what I have to do today, and the weight of frustration and stress started to fall on my back. I slowly crept out of bed, not wanting to do my task for today, but I knew I had to get it over with. My foot caressed the cold frigid floor as I started to step out of bed and to get dressed

1:50 PM

I was in my office going over some paperwork and some other tasks my father had assigned me for the week. I heard a roaring sound echo through the air as I looked down to realize it was my phone. I pick it up from the side of me and realize it's my father calling.

"Hello!" I say nonchalantly.

"Hey, dear, how was it with the peaky blinders?" he said tiredly on the phone. Then I remembered that the time is different in New York compared to here in Birmingham.

I glanced at my watch. "It's good I’m meeting them today at four o'clock; I’m about to leave in a minute."

"That's good, just give me an update about them every week. I don’t need anything going bad, and I know they're known for that." He was cautious about Peaky Blinders. I think he was actually concerned.

"Yes, I know, dad, I've got to go." I quickly hung up the phone with him. I forgot that half of the Peaky Blinders old businesses went to shit because they messed it up themselves. I honestly hope they know who they’re working for because if not, they're in for a ride.

I started to grab my things and put on my coat as I left my condo to ride to Birmingham for the first time in seven years. I felt like I wanted to throw up while the feeling of sadness overwhelmed me as I went into my hometown, remembering everything I loved and hated about it. All the good times and the bad times leading up to my mother's death

3:35 PM

I showed up at the garrison, and it looked like any other pub you'll ever see. It has a boxy shape with a mysterious jet-black exterior. On the top, it says "The Garrison Tavern" in yellow letters with a white outline.

"Madam," Dante says as he opens the door right in front of the garrison. I smile and say, "Thank you, Dante, and I only need one bodyguard today, not the other ones."

Dante was still holding the car door for me, waiting for me to get out of the car. I got out of the car and walked towards the pub, swinging the rustic door open. I walked through the door, taking in the smell of cigarettes and whiskey. However, I noticed how manly and vintage it looked, with a modern twist to it. I spotted Arthur working behind the counter, serving drinks to people. He quickly noticed me the second I walked in with Dante.

He looked at me. "Hey Ronnie," he said with a smile while serving drinks to a customer. He looked weirdly happy. I honestly thought he would be mad because of how I acted yesterday.

I started walking towards the bar, sitting on one of the hard and uncomfortable stools. "Hey Arthur, where are we all meeting again?".

"Uh..I think in Tommy's office maybe since it's quick," he said as he started pouring someone else a drink. "I think he's back there honest."

"Okay, thank you, dear," I say, getting up from the stool.

I walk towards Tommy's door, knocking on it softly. "Come in," he said with a husky voice.

The door knob creaked as I twisted it, opening the door and revealing Tommy behind his desk. I saw Polly and John sitting on two of the three chairs right in front of his desk.

"Come in, sit” ,Tommy demands.

I turned to Dante, who was hovering over me. "Stay out here, Dante; I’ll be okay," I told him. He stepped out of the room as I walked over to sit next to John.

I turn towards John and Polly. "Ok, before we start, I want to apologize for how I acted, but you guys have to understand who I am as a person in this moment of my life," I said softly.

John made eye contact with me as his eyes softened up. "It's okay, V, I understand," he said in a sincere voice. My eyes widened as those words fell out of John's mouth. I wasn't expecting him to actually say he understood; I didn’t think he would be understanding at all. I was expecting more from Polly to say something, but she just gave me a blank, angry stare. She looked so disappointed at how I tuned out to be this way while everyone else seemed a bit happy or just unbothered. I expected the boys to be mad, not Polly, and now this just made me very upset with myself, but I also had a resentment towards her.

"Ok, so what's your answer?" I say quickly, looking back at Tommy, trying not to fill my head with emotion.

"Yes, we’ll go into business with you; I already told Arthur." Tommy says quickly as he analyzed me. He glanced over my body, sending me a chill through my me.

"Ok, great, now there are things I’ll need from all of you and Arthur," I say with a sturdy voice.

I tell them I need all of their personal information, including emails, where they live, family and friends, and who they live with, as a safety measure. I ask this just in case something goes wrong in the company and I need to notify them and their families.

"I need all this in two days before I assign you things to do, understood?" I ordered making eye contact with everyone in the room. I looked around the room while everyone nodded at me, agreeing to everything I said.

"Okay, I’ll be back in two days," I said as I stood up to leave. A rush went through my body as Tommy said, "Miss Hawthorn, can I talk to you alone?” He teased me, hinting everyone out the room.

"Of course, Mr. Shelby," I say, being coy. I know he keeps calling me Miss Hawthorn because he’s flirting with me and he knows how much he affects me.

As everyone is leaving the room, Tommy stands up from his desk. I start to walk towards his desk, keeping a good distance away from him, knowing how I’ll react while I’m around him.

"You wanted to talk to me, Mr. Shelby?" I say it with a mean face, showing no emotions.

"Why are you acting like that, Miss Hawthorn?" he says as he starts inching towards me.

"I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Shelby," I said with a grin on my face, acting innocent.

Tommy starts inching towards me, and my heart starts to beat like a drum as he gets closer to me. I placed my hand on the desk, bracing myself and trying to control my emotions as I started to get even more nervous than I already was.

"So you're going to act like there's nothing between us anymore, eh?" He said it in a flirty but harsh tone.

He looked at my hands as he started to caress them in a back-and-forth motion, making me tense.

"um..I" I couldn’t make out my words as his strong, rough hands started to move up and down my bare arm. A chill flooded through my body as the butterflies in my stomach started to grow stronger and stronger. I felt his steel blue eyes taunting me as he started to inch closer and closer to me, feeling his warm body hovering over mine.

"So you feel nothing towards us?" He said while he dragged his hand down my arm while his hands started to wrap gently around my waist. My body starts to tremble, and my face starts to get hot as his hands start to grip my waist a little bit tighter by the second. I put my hands on Tommy's firm chest, trying not to give into his touch, even though I wanted to. My breath shuddered and my mouth went dry. "Tommy, you know I can’t answer that," I said softly as guilt started to rush over me. I want him so bad, and I’ve always wanted him, but I can't. I’m in this business, and I’ll always be professional, even if it hurts sometimes. His head tilted in confusion as I spat out those words. His eyes grew soft and desperate as he spoke. "Why not"

I slipped out. of Tommys arms, backing away from his desk and keeping a fair distance from him. "Because I can't, Tommy." He starts walking towards me as I tell him, "I’m leaving, Tommy."

I turned my back on Tommy, trying to walk out the door. As I’m walking away from him, I feel Tommy's strong hands wrap around me, spinning me around in a quick motion. Now I’m closer to him than ever, feeling his warm body against mine. My body is rigid with tension, and my breath starts to quicken. I looked into his icy yet puzzling eyes, as he had a cold expression on his face. "No, I want you to answer my question. Do you feel anything, Veronica?" He spoke in a forceful and deep voice.

Guilt took over my body as I tried to give him an answer, but I couldn't. All I could do was stare into his cold blue eyes, unable to speak. My face was flushed as we got lost in each other's eyes; my heart was racing, and my mouth went dry as I was overwhelmed with pleasure and desire as Tommy grabbed me a little bit tighter. My eyes couldn't help looking at his lips as I unconsciously leaned closer and closer, brushing my lips against his. My stomach started to do turns until I heard a loud knock at the door of Tommy's office. My head turned in a swift motion, looking endlessly at the door.

"Tommy, we gotta fucking go," John said in his deep accent as he walked away from the door.

I snapped out of whatever I was about to do, noticing how close I was to Tommy and how close I was to kissing him. I whispered "fuck" while I backed away from Tommy, thinking about what I was getting myself into. I wasn’t fucking thinking about my future, my father's future, or the future of the company.

I was stuck, frozen, and unable to walk. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. "I…" I took a long pause, trying to capture my thoughts. "I have to go," I said as I slowly turned around, facing the door, until my legs went stiff when I heard Tommy speak for one last time. "Ronnie I want you to come to a ball at my house in four days," he says as I start to turn around.

His voice grew deeper as he said. "I want you to be there, love."

My brows furrowed as I started to shake my head in frustration. "Tommy, I said—" He cuts me off in the middle of my sentence. He begins to walk up to me while he puts his blazer on. "I just want you to be there," he demanded, making heavy eye contact with me. "Fine," I say quickly. I turned my back on him as I started to walk out of his office.

[freeuselandonorris]

15 questions 15 friends

i was tagged by i thinkkk @bright-and-burning and @481boxboxbaby absolutely ages ago, sorry it's taken me so long to get to this!

Are you named after anyone? no! my mum liked the name sophie because it means ‘wisdom’ in greek and she’d lived in greece for a while.

When was the last you cried? i had a little sob watching the ‘life and death of lily savage’ documentary on itv the other week because i am still so, so sad about paul o’grady dying, i adored him. as a kid, my favourite comedians (who i saw on tv) were julian clary and lily savage. half their jokes flew over my head but that dog was always in me!! anyway, as for real sobbing crying… i’m actually not sure? it was a while ago for sure. may it stay that way 🙏

Do you have kids? nope, and i won’t be having them. people used to tell me i’d change my mind once i got older and now i’m 35 and still have not experienced a single maternal twinge.

What sports do you play/have you played? i don’t play any kind of competitive sports and have avoided them for most of my life (i have extremely poor hand-eye coordination, hypermobile limbs and rubbish lungs. i’m not built for speed) but i do pole fitness and have done for about three years now, i’m not great at it (see above) but i loooove it and it’s gotten me way more hench than i was.

Do you use sarcasm? i used to use it constantly as a defence thing but less so these days. i do still use it though yeah.

What is the first thing you notice about people? sometimes i have this thing where the first second i meet someone i have this weird shine effect where i know they’re going to be a very important part of my life (good or bad). it’s only happened about three or four times but it’s always been right. on a more prosaic level: eyes, smile, body language.

What is your eye color? blue. it’s quite bright.

Scary movies or happy endings? scary movies!! love a good horror. i don’t like jumpscares or found footage/haunted doll whatever ones, but i love the nasty shit: video nasties, torture porn, french extreme, pinky horror, faux snuff, that kinda thing. i don’t want them so much these days but i was pretty obsessed for a while.

Any talents? i’m good at writing and drawing/painting, and i’m quite practical in the sense that i can fix things and build things, like i LOVE building flatpack furniture. i think my main ‘talent’ though is just that i can pick things up quickly. if i’m shown how to do something, generally i can do it pretty well quite quickly and i don’t need to be shown lots of times, and i’m good at being given a starting point and figuring things out from there. i think that’s the ‘talent’ i use most in life, certainly in work anyway.

Where were you born? north-west england.

What are your hobbies? writing! painting, drawing, reading, gaming, pole, strength training. i also have the classic ADHD thing of picking a new thing to be obsessed with for a month and spending a fortune on it three times a year.

Do you have any pets? no :( my mum has a lovely big useless fat cat called bandit though who i have shared custody of, she just can’t live at my flat.

How tall are you? 5’8’’ or 172cm

Favorite subject at school? art and english. i also quite liked what we called ‘tech’ which was like woodwork, metalwork, product design type stuff.

Dream job? i do not dream of labour. fr though i don’t really have one and never have, apart from maybe writer or artist but realistically i think i’d end up hating them if i had to rely on them to pay my bills. i thought about trying to get into motorsport jobs for a while but the hours look long, the pay is terrible, the atmosphere for femme people is…mixed, and i’d have to move halfway across the country. so yeah idk. universal basic income now!

not tagging anyone bc i'm so late to the party on this lol, but if you haven't been tagged and want to be, lmk and i'll tag you!

[staryinghao]

SLB FIRST RANKING SPOILERS!!

i don't like. her emceeing. where is the suspense where is the FUN!!

starting with 150k votes is so much MORE than i expected. icb they're eliminating 20 people

35: phoom!! liked him in sorry sorry.. his glasses sealed it

34/33: kris and kingston. no real impression of them sorry

32: chen xuanyou!! my guy!! 跳舞侠 <3

31: michael WU let's go canadian boy

30: (went up to 218k??) pong? wait my only impression of him is sleeping in sorry sorry 😭 laos boy fighting i guess

interlude to call their parents OKAY I SEE HOW IT IS. hurting my feelings as usual.

29: ke mingkai

28: nam son

27: SYO LET'S GO!!! LET'S GO!!!!!!!!! i hope he goes FAR

26: (survival show veteran 回锅肉) hikari... from first in live voting to 26th?? oh man Oh Man bro is disappointed

25: everyone knows it's sun jiayang WAIT IT'S SHENG QI???????? OKAY SLAY I GUESS

24: ivan "i can do this all day" chen mingxuan (my bad impression of him from ep 2 has not faded sorry)

23: xin che!! he made it!! oh he's talking about the way people think of him (just visuals no talent).. it's okay i am rooting for him all the same

22: do ha.. oh he looks disappointed

21: han jeongwoo BRO THE ENTIRE PLACE CHEERING FOR HIM (his ranks dropped though..sigh)

20: probably zai they just showed him being baited yep it's zai!! my guy <3

VISUAL RANKING!!!!!!!!!! i hope syh wins SKFJSI i think it could be possible,, duan xingxing and phoom are kinda funny,, so many of them are picking themselves HELP

3rd with 4 votes: yang donghwa (WHY WAS HE ARM WRESTLING WITH LEE SEUNGHI??), sun yinghao!! (should be first but ok.. picked himself too lmao <3), han gyul (the clips they're showing are SO cute)

2nd: xin che!! expected haha (WHO IS HE CALLING OPPA LMAOOOO)

1st with 15 votes??: shao ziheng expected that too (he's kinda funny HELP)

kopiko ad break i see how it is.. i love kopiko though

19: sun jiayang.. higher than i thought given the amount of shit i see about him on weibo DJSKIX

18: ling qi!! he's come so far from idol producer to fantasy boys and this

17: wang kun HE'S come so far from asia super young help

16: yang donghwa LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!! gotta keep voting for him

15: yoo jun!! but from 2nd in live voting to 15th.. like hikari

14: xu shihuan wait i am really starting to Get his looks like yeah i see why you would like him (绝不退赛!! no withdrawing now!!)

13: congb?? nice. boys planet fans how are you feeling

12: hong sungmin!! hey!!

11: was in top 9 in the first week.. dropping OUT of top 9.. oh man he xilong

10 (this place is always really sad but maybe it's because i bias bi wenjun and got traumatised by it): lee daeul. again boys planet fans how are you guys feeling

okay why are they arm wrestling

also i just saw on weibo that huang jialiang is already streaming HE IS SO FUNNY wait did he get eliminated . WHO IS GOING TO MAKE ME LAUGH NOW

WHY IS SYO SHIRTLESS!!!!!!!!!

ling qi having a whole crisis about losing KEJFKS <3

9: min jae!!! good for him omg omg

8: ZHANG JIJUN???? 短剧哥????? ACTOR?????? also lmao sun yinghao telling him to only cry why he's giving his speech BUT LIKE IF HE DEBUTS. WILL I BE HAPPY

7: lee junhyuk!! ok their suspense is getting a LOT better. the comparisons.. i think top 9 are quite secure it's just who gets which specific place

6: duan xingxing! from here i think it's going to be the same as it's been for the past week.. unless shao ziheng pulls off an upset

5: pentor!!! yay smiley guy :D his seat is soooo centre core too

4: shao ziheng and han gyul AND THEY'RE SITTING TOGETHER wait. omg it's han gyul.. he and junhyuk are back in the places they sat in the intro round <3

fried chicken + advice break. i love yoon and eric and eunbi <3

they don't need to announce who the top 3 are.. everyone knows

why did they announce second first. okay sure

2: SUN YINGHAO!!! <3 🌟 i am so so proud of him i wholeheartedly believe he will go so so far. (also. dxx's face. sir don't look so openly pissy when your ex-groupmate places above you. also applies to lgy)

3: shao ziheng, 1: liu guanyou!!!

46勺 <3 (liu guanyou was 4th in ixform, sun yinghao 6th, and 勺/spoon is read shào same as shao ziheng's surname)

and 36: eden!!! i have heard a lot about him so i'm glad he made it.. the older brother of this show fr fr

next ep: sports championship (for real this time)! i may hate starlight boys but at the end of the day you'll catch me going back to it.

[squish36-writes-and-draws]

17 November: Unraveling

Word count: 1385

TW: Swearing

General Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0nly @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously

@poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @corruption-exe @rusted-phone-calls

@when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes

@callum-hunt-is-bisexual @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @sillyguy-supreme

@void-kill @thefoxysnake @the-pre-quiz

Unraveling Project Specific Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed/upgraded): @cutebisexualmess @crippling-pages @daizythegreat @sophiefostersno1stan @iggydancebreak

@theleopardstalker @you-will-meet-your-downfall @multi-fandom-lunatic

On Ao3 or below the cut!

First (3 November) / Previous / Next

A Script of a Video from Florent's YouTube Channel

    Alrighty, everybody. Being that I am chronically on the internet and I expect that you are as well, I take it we’re all familiar with the concept of flower shop AUs. If you aren’t, well, maybe you should preserve your sanity because one second you’re reading a cute little story about these deeply traumatized characters opening up a flower shop together and the next you know way too much about the Omegaverse. Don’t look that up.  I don’t need you to be scarred for life too. 

    Today’s topic isn’t really going to be connected to fanfic, but I needed a way to hook you into the video because let’s be fucking honest, approximately none of you are going to willingly click on a video about the history of plants. You can make your self-inserts have a crisis over the fact that Stegosaurus never saw a flower. It’s very sad. I’m sad. 

    Where I’d like to start today is with the Great Oxidation Event. It actually killed, like, everything, so it’s kind of significant in the course of Earth’s history. This was over two billion years ago—I better not see Young Earth Creationists in my comment section. Go away. Humans and dinosaurs did not coexist unless you count birds as dinosaurs but then again birds are just government spies so they aren’t real either—but essentially the whole thing with the Great Oxidation Event is that some microbes figured out how to do photosynthesis, realised it was good for making food, and then they pumped so much oxygen into the atmosphere that everything fucking died. 

    So, uh, that’s why we have oxygen in the atmosphere now, which is kind of a nice thing to have in general, I’d say. The really cool thing is that we have fossils, called stromatolites, of these microbes from that long ago. Like, we have a spotty record of multicellular life, but these biofilms of cyanobacteria managed to survive two billion years. So much has to be missing from the fossil record. 

    The next stop on our journey is a lot nearer to us. In the Devonian period, which ranged from about 420 million years ago to 360 million years ago, instead of having forests of plants like we’re used to, there were giant fungi, like Prototaxites. I know what you’re thinking and I refuse to comment. The Devonian is also home to what is currently the oldest known tree, Wattesia. Before that, it was Archaeopteris, which definitely isn’t confusing when put next to Archaeopteryx, a genus midway through the transition from dinosaurs to birds that lived during the Jurassic. 

    The Devonian ended in a mass extinction before giving way to the Carboniferous. Most of the coal that we’re using to cause next mass extinction is from the Carboniferous, mostly because there were a lot of fucking trees. Like, so many trees that by the end of the period the oxygen levels were around 35%, which is quite a lot compared to today’s 21%. Trees were having a good time. 

    Insects were also having a good time. The increased oxygen levels means that they could get a whole lot bigger and at the same time figured out how to do flight, which is good for them and bad for my mental health. Just to take a couple of examples we have the genus Meganeura, a dragonfly with a wingspan of a meter and the genus Arthropleura, which was a myriapod taller than me. 

    I am aware that I am short. However, that is still heinous bullshit and I shall not stand for it. 

    On the arthropod front, there’s a clade of spiders known as the Mesothelae featured in Walking with Monsters and it was the size of a cat. I don’t want to be here anymore. Let us move on to the Permian for about thirty seconds. 

    In the Permian, everything died. A lot. More than the dinosaur asteroid that I’m sure all of you know about. Plants died a little bit less than most things, but it was still generally not a good time. While we’re here though, I want to talk about Glossopteris. Now, all of you are looking at this and going, “that just looks like a leaf,” and, yeah, it is. But its fossils were used as evidence towards proving tectonic plates, which I think is pretty cool. I’d also like to mention Lepidodendron, which lived during both the Carboniferous and Permian and has been mistaken as being an imprint fossil of a large reptile’s skin. No. It’s just a tree with some funny-looking bark to our modern eyeballs. And, to round off this trifecta, we had conifers first appear during the Permian. 

    And now let’s jump forward to the Cretaceous. This is the one with most of the dinosaurs you know. As an audience retention strategy, I want you to come up with a list of your ten favourite dinosaurs. Unless you’re a dinosaur aficionado purposely trying to be difficult to invalidate the accuracy of my point, you’re probably going to name at least a couple that are from the Cretaceous.

    The Cretaceous is also where angiosperms, flowering plants, went absolutely buck fucking wild. Like, today angiosperms make up 90% of the living plant species on Earth. And you know what else first appeared? Well, technically it’s a flowering plant, so I’ve already covered it but, like, the concept of Earth without grass is completely absurd to my little brain. I’m sure the ecological niche was covered by other things, but the fact that most of human society exists because we domesticated grasses in the form of wheat, corn, and rice and that only appeared during the Cretaceous is not something I want to comprehend.

    And that brings us mostly to today. I mean, there was probably an asteroid in there, but I also don’t care very much about the Paleogene. It’s close enough to modern day to not be as interesting as the older periods. It’s just slightly weird. I mean, there was the family Chalicotheriidae, which looks kind of funny, I guess. 

    What does all of this mean though? Why did I bother doing all of this? Was it so that you could copy and paste what I said into your Flower Shop AU I definitely didn’t cause to start existing at the beginning of this video so you spent the last ten minutes writing instead of watching my shit editing skills? No. It’s because I know too much shit about plants and I need to tell other people about them or I’m going to be even more of a menace to society than I already am. 

    I also think that it’s important to think about plants in the context of geologic history because so much of the space is taken up by dinosaurs, and that’s kind of a shame. I’m not advocating for less dinosaurs; I just want to highlight that there are other things in the fossil record. There are people who stare at fossilized pollen all day. I’m not going to lie to you—I would sell my soul to do that. That sounds fun. I’d be so good at it, I promise. Let me see the pollen. You can trust me to not eat the rocks. 

    I definitely haven’t ever tried to eat a rock before. 

    Anyway—I’d like to thank all the people on Patreon who, for some reason, fund this mess, and if you’d like to join them for whatever reason, link in the description. I don’t know why I bother saying that. You know how YouTube works. You also know that YouTube likes it when you like, subscribe, and leave comments telling me about how I’m obviously wrong about everything ever. Genuinely though, I do appreciate the corrections you guys give me. I’m one guy here and sometimes I say stupid or stupidly worded shit. I can’t wait for the Latin scholars to tell me that I absolutely fucking butchered the scientific names. You all know who you are. In my defence, taxonomy is a dumpster fire and it’s not my fault that I’m treating it like it is. And, finally, I’d like to thank Keefe, who took the time out of his day to stare at me ominously while I was writing this script. I’m not concerned at all.