#the fact that he also so viscerally reminds me of one of my friends

[tired-momfriend]

I watched something in the dirt today. I am unwell.

[rustic-space-fiddle]

Things I love about EPIC: The Musical

Greek mythology hehehehehhehe (my weakness)

Little Ajax

The slightly different styles in each segment but the overarching cohesiveness

The crew singing choral vocals for Odysseus

POLITES *screaming crying throwing up*

The crew introducing Eurylochus but Odysseus introducing Polites

Odysseus’s ‘Ha ha HA Haaaaa!” What a smug lil $h!*

His whole description of Athena ~ fanboy energy

“Bestest of friends(?)!” “Okay chill kid” ”okay :D”

Polites definitely almost knocking himself out with lotus before Odysseus definitely takes it away like “oh honey no”

POLITES *STILL CRYING AND THROWING UP*

The RUMBBBBLING BOOOOOMS when Polyphemus enters—WOOO YOU CAN FEEL THE FEAR IN HIS FOOTSTEPS (also: heartbeats!)

I’m not a musically intelligent person so forgive me but the way the “take from you like you took from me / gift from you and a gift from me” sounds just makes my brain so happy

If music is math then that is definitely some solid well done math

“Nooooooobody, noooooooooobody, noo~ooOOOOOOOOOOOOH~bodyyyyyy”

“WATCH OUUUUUT!” *AGGRESSIVE CHORUS*

“My brothers-!” yall I’m gonna freakin cry

The visceral death sounds when the club comes out

Polyphemus’s voice slowing like a giant robot powering down to show him falling asleep

The sound slowly fading in as Odysseus takes in the death around him (I imagine he’s looking at the remains of Polites)

The sound Athena makes whenever she appears or disappears (NOTICE SHE DOESNT MAKE THAT SOUND WHEN SHE LEAVES FOR THE LAST TIME! just empty wind…)

“HEY CYCLOPS!”

“The next time that you dare choose not to spare, remember them.” UGH BEAUTIFUL

The growl in “REMEMBER ME.”

Ship sounds!

The entirety of “My Goodbye”. It’s just such a good argument song and I love it so much.

Odysseus’s angry “HEY.” when Athena basically blames the death of his friends on his kindness.

The fact that Odysseus isn’t afraid to absolutely WRECK Athena verbally? She has definitely killed and turned people into spiders for less

You can tell he felt a little bad about it and that she actually was kinda hurt by it too (silence is a heckuva tool)

“Aim for the island in the sky” oh yeah I’m listening to a Greek myth wHEEEZE

Eurylochus slowly getting on Odysseus’s nerves till he literally has to pull him aside and tell him to stfu

No but actually Eurylochus is not being a real one rn he is not being helpful

The wind god ( *0v0*)

“Why are my eyes and my heart and my soul so heavy?” WOW OKAY DANG

Poseidon’s entrance — DANG SON THE POWER OF THE SEA IS PALPABLE

“Ruthlessness is mercy—DIE.”

The crew calling for their captain as they’re taken by the sea

THE AUDACITY OF POSEIDON TO REMIND ODYSSEUS OF HIS OWN WORD—“when does a ripple become a tidal wave/ when does a man become a monster”—DURING THIS CRISIS. WHAT A PETTY JERK (do it again)

Eurylochus try to confess and Odysseus refusing to let him. There three reasons I think this is: 1) he doesn’t know why he wants to confess but he literally does not have time for his #2 to be having a moment rn. 2) he knows what Eurylochus did and is choosing to keep him quiet because he needs the crew not to dwell on this/he’s trying not to punch him in the face. 3) he knows what he did and he’s saying “stfu” as a way of forgiveness. All of these are great options imo

“We couldn’t resist!” “What was it?” “A woman!” “…w h a t. -_-“ my man is fed up rn

“We have to save them!” “NO WE DON’T” EURYLOCHUS WTF IS WRONG W YOU BRO

Hermes’s insane laugh !!!! LOVE

Hermes’s entire song

Rhyming “Be hurt” with “beat her” BRAIN SO HAPPY

Someofthamagic~ BRAIN SO HAPPY AGH

The fight between Odysseus and Circe~ so evenly matched! Wits, power, but she beat him! She beat him even though he didn’t cave.

“I dug the root up w my bare hands!” “Hermes gave it to you didn’t he” “…okay fine yes but rGARDLESS—“

The fact that Odysseus calls Penelope his power

Circe’s empathetic sigh because she’s not a monster, she’s a protector, and her heart has been touched by Odysseus’s earnestness and love for his wife and for his brothers

HER OUTRO WAHHHHHHH

[emkayewrites]

Lukola fanfic scenario, Luke POV: Luke and Nicola are in the middle of filming Season 3, and Luke has just realised he is infatuated with Nicola. Only problem is he's in a relationship and so is she. During a short break from filming, he catches up with his parents, who have some sage bits of advice for him...

(Excerpt taken from my fanfiction 'Curtain Fall')

31st October 2022 – Salisbury (UK)

“Oh my God, it’s Colin from Bridgerton.” He heard their hissing whispers before he saw them.

Two young women stood at the entrance of The Bell and Crown pub, trying desperately to appear nonchalant.  They were wrapped up warmly in thick coats with hats and gloves and holding an array of shopping bags.

In a situation like this one, he had decided he would follow suit and pretend he did not notice them noticing.  He sensed this might be hard to achieve as they were partially blocking his way into the pub, but he did his best to try to manouevre past them with his head down.  The brunettes’ eyes widened at the realization that their paths were about to cross.  Luke watched as she nervously took a few steps back from him, the back of her legs hitting the giant ornamental pumpkin that was placed on the ground behind her.  She had barely let out a squeal as she started to tip backwards before he reached out and grabbed her by the arm, steadying her.

“Woah, careful.” He gave her what he hoped would be his most reassuring smile. 

Regardless, the colour drained from her face.

“Oh m-m-my God, I-I’m so sorry.” She sputtered.  She looked like she was going to be sick.

“We’re really big fans!” Her friend in the mustard-coloured coat behind her suddenly burst out, her eyes widened with excitement.

He was not sure how to receive their two very different energies.

“Thank you.” He replied, again hoping that he came across kind.

“So, you guys are filming up at Wilton House, right?” Mustard coat continued.  “We love it up there, it’s so gorgeous.  Are you guys there for the rest of the week? Oh, wait, you probably can’t say! Or wait, can you say? You probably can’t say what��you’re filming though.”

“Yeah, we are. I’m sorry, I’m going in for some lunch.” He gestured to the inside of the pub.

“Oh! God! Look at me going on and on. Of course, of course.” Mustard coat shuffled away, pulling her friend away with her.

He knew the whirlwind of emotions that you could experience when you encountered someone famous, he had been the fan many, many times in his life.  He hoped he had never been the embarrassing fan though.  He had also been recognised before, but this was the first time in his life that he had found himself being recognised this often. 

In fact, just a few weeks ago, he and Jade had been drinking in a London bar when a group of girls had realised who he was and had encircled them.  The situation had turned incredibly awkward when they started talking about how hot he was and then one of the girls tried to give him her number.  It did not help matters that the girls were a group of European models celebrating their last night of work in the city.  He had watched Jade’s face go from mildly annoyed by the inconvenience to viscerally angry.  They had ended up cutting their night short and heading home; Jade had remained stoically silent the entire way.  It had worried him.  He knew she did not blame him for the reactions he was getting but he wondered how much she would be able to tolerate.  How much could any woman’s self-esteem tolerate seeing other women throw themselves at their partner?  He had reminded Jade that it had been public knowledge that he and Nicola were this season’s protagonist and ever since filming had started; fans of the show were constantly awestruck when they saw him or Nicola out anywhere.  The reactions were even bigger when the two of them were spotted out together.  He had hoped it would reassure her somewhat that this was the Bridgerton effect.  He felt a need to remind not just her but also himself that he was not the one changing, it was the situation.  He had not suddenly become hot, whatever that meant.

If things are like this now, what will it be like when the season’s out? He thought.  He could hardly fathom it.

He thought about the ways Nicola had reassured him about what was to come.  In her typical, unflappable way, she had told him it would be hilarious, and they would get through it together.  It was silly advice but because it came from her, he believed it. Those words had been keeping him grounded.  No matter what happened, she would be with him, and they would surely navigate it all together.

Now though, he felt as if that certainty was threatened.  He had been having dreams.  Then out of nowhere, Ezra had shown up.  He could feel deep in his bones that he was agitated about what Ezra’s presence in Nicola’s life meant more than anything else.  He also knew that was wrong.  This should not be occupying so much of his brain.  He was also aware that he was not very good at hiding how wound up he was feeling.  It was becoming apparent in his body language, and sometimes it was slipping through in what he said.  This was why he was so grateful for an afternoon away from everyone and everything, and to be around the two people who always helped him gain a sense of perspective.

He walked through The Bell and Crown, taking in its historical features that included wooden ship beams suspended from the ceiling and stone floors.  The smell of fried food and woodfire hit his nostrils as he spotted them seated at a mahogany table right at the back. 

“Mum, dad!” He greeted them with a small wave as he made his way to them, pulling off his jacket as he did so.

His parents were sat with an assortment of small plates before them and three glasses: one with water, one with wine and the other with beer.  His mother, Sharon, was a petite woman with short blonde hair that was scooped up into a ponytail with a fringe.  His father, Lee, sat opposite her; his sandy brown hair was covered by a dark red beanie hat. 

It was too easy. Luke thought, as he yanked the hat off his father’s head and took a seat next to his mother. 

 “Thank you!” Sharon exclaimed, putting her hands together in a praying gesture. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Lee looked from Luke to Sharon, and then back at Luke: “Do you want to sit here with a man with hat hair or a man with a hat?”

“It’s ungentlemanly to wear a hat indoors.” Sharon shook her head at her husband. “Just smooth it out.”

“Why aren’t you using that hair gel I got you for your birthday?” Luke added, amused.

There was no escapism like being around your parents and watching them bicker over the smallest things.

“I’m not using any ruddy hair gel!  I’m a fifty-nine-year-old man Luke, not a member of One Direction.” Lee snapped back, making Luke roar with laughter.

“We ordered for you.” Sharon nodded at the food in front of them. “We knew you wouldn’t have long before you would have to head back and service here is woefully slow.”

There was something to really love about the predictability that came with your parents’ habits when they reached a certain age.  He had all but compiled a bingo card in his mind of the things he knew were going to be coming up during this meal.  At the top of the list was his mother picking fault with the service in the pub – never mind that the pub was five-star reviewed.  His mother could make Gordon Ramsay look soft.

“Thanks mum, I do have to get back in about an hour.” He popped a fry into his mouth.

“How are you, my love?  You look a lot more tired than when we last saw you.” Sharon eyed him carefully.

“You do look a little rougher around the edges.” Lee added, some concern in his voice. “How many hours are you doing on set?”

Luke was appreciative of how much his parents cared for him.  Even though Lee was not his biological father, he had always treated Luke like a son – in fact, Luke was sure he was treated better than most sons were by their biological fathers.  Lee had also been in the entertainment industry and had taken great pains to ensure Luke was protected and well supported as he sought to make a career for himself.  Luke was sure that he would not have been half as successful if it had not been for Lee’s wisdom.

“The hours are fine; I’m just not sleeping too well.” Luke replied, surprising himself with his own admission. 

“It’s a lot to be carrying a whole season your back.” Lee said sympathetically.

“Well, how’s Nicola? She will be a good one to help you through.” Sharon advised, taking a sip from the wine glass.  “She’s done it all before with Derry Girls. Although I imagine this will be on an even grander scale…”

He had not wanted to talk about Nicola.  He knew that between Ezra and his dreams, the topic was too loaded for him.  He had wanted to come away for a nice meal with his parents to get a break from those thoughts.  Yet, talking about her and about him seemed irresistible to him. 

He could barely stop the words exploding out of his mouth. “Oh, I don’t think she’s losing sleep. She’s got a distraction right now.”

The words came with a little more emotion than he had intended them to.  His parents knew him too well not to pick up on it. 

“Oh really?” Sharon raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“She’s got this… guy friend who’s visiting and she’s all over him.” Luke stated, he hoped he sounded less bothered than he was.  He picked up his knife and fork and began to make a start on the giant battered cod that sat on his plate. 

“Guy friend?  Is that what you millennials call boyfriends?” His mother laughed.

“They’re not calling themselves that… yet.” Luke grimaced.

He caught the exchange of looks between his parents out of the corner of his eye.

“So, I take it you don’t like him then?” Lee asked.

Luke realised there was no one around that could judge him for his real opinions on the matter.  He had had to put on a mask on the Bridgerton set but around his parents, he could be honest.  He felt liberated.

“I just don’t get what she sees in him.” He replied. 

“Oooh, that is really tough.” Sharon made a face. “But she isn’t just your friend.  She’s also your scene partner, you can’t upset things at this stage of filming by saying anything too honest.”

“I know.” Luke felt the frustration rise again slightly. “Believe me.  I’m swallowing it.”

“Nicola’s got a good head on her shoulders.  He might not be as bad as you think.” His father shrugged, slicing into his steak and taking a bite. 

Luke shook his head emphatically at this.  “No, this guy is everything we would make fun of.”

“Well, matters of the heart aren’t always a straight line.” Sometimes, Lee doled out predictably vague dad wisdom.

“I don’t think you should be making fun of anyone.  It seems cruel.” Sharon added, wrinkling her nose as she frowned.  Sometimes she said predictably mum things.

Luke pulled out his phone and with a few swipes on the screen, he pulled up an Instagram page and held it up for them both to see.  “This is him.  LOOK at him.  Skinny jeans, v-neck white t-shirt that’s too small for his arms, standing in front of designer luggage with the caption CEO mode.  Am I going mad or is this man not a parody of himself?” 

Sharon threw her head back in laughter. “Oh God, yes, he’s quite something.”

“And Nic – she’s the opposite.” Luke continued.  “She’s down to earth, she’s not flash, she wears designer clothes but it’s tasteful, it’s not like this-”

“I’m sure she is the wonderful, thoughtful friend you know but she’s also a woman.” Sharon interrupted him.  She surveyed the photo on the screen with a smirk. “You know, as a woman, I get the appeal.”

Luke made a disgusted face and looked at Lee for some help in the matter. 

Lee stopped, his fork mid-air, and moved his face closer to the phone screen.  He eventually shrugged. “He's a fine specimen of a man.  Sorry, I’ve got eyes, Luke.”

“Ugh.” Luke groaned, taking his phone off the table.

“But hey, this is good, isn’t it?” His mothers’ eyes twinkle with realisation. “You can knead your concern for your friend into Colin’s concern for Penelope.  They are keeping the love triangle element?”

“You know I can’t say script specifics, mum.” Luke said dismissively.  He could feel the simmering annoyance that had now settled in.  He needed to change the topic.

Just then, Sharon reached forward for a napkin that was in the center of the table and her hand knocked her wine glass, causing it to tip onto the table and onto the sleeve of her cream cardigan. 

“Oh, Jesus!” She leapt up in her chair.  Luke grabbed at the remaining napkins and started to pad the table dry, and Lee started to get to his feet to assist.

“It’s alright Lee, I need to wash this out in the ladies.”  Sharon gestured for him to sit. “Thank God it was only a white wine.” She grabbed her handbag and walked away from the table.

Luke continued to dab at the table, which was now drier but also stickier.

“Word to the wise, focus on the girlfriend you’ve got.”  Lee’s voice interrupted him, making him stop. 

He fathers’ words took him slightly aback. 

Lee took in his reaction and continued: “Look, Nicola’s a very beautiful girl. It’s easily done.”

“I’m not… nothing’s being done.” Luke responded, but his voice cracked as he spoke.  He knew he was lying to himself and Lee by pretending not to know what his words meant. 

“It happens, you know.” Lee spoke calmly. “I saw it all the time. Feelings getting intensified and confused on a shoot like this.  I’m just saying, keep the work as work and don’t neglect your real life.”

Luke felt the weight of what was being said.  As always, Lee was able to read him better then he could read himself.  Yet, the feelings felt too raw to be exposed like this.  He could not rationalise them so he did what his instinct told him to: deny them.

“I’m not.” He repeated, firmer this time. “Nothing’s getting confused.  She’s my friend, I just don’t like the guy.”

“Well, then do a better job of it.” Lee’s voice was equally stern.

“Better job of it?” Luke was confused.

“Of acting like you’re not.” Lee shot back. “You know, acting? The thing you’re good at but seem to be completely unable to do when it comes to this.”

Luke felt himself getting flustered.  He knew he was having a hard time hiding his feelings but was he really being that obvious?  Before he could respond, Sharon had appeared behind him, and she was carrying what looked to be a mountain of paper towels.

“Jesus, did you leave some for the rest of the restaurant?” Lee exclaimed.

“Very funny.” Sharon rolled her eyes. “What are you two looking so serious about?”

“Plotting your Christmas present.” Lee spoke before Luke could.  That was the signal to say that particular conversation was over, and Luke could not feel more grateful.  It was hard enough denying those thoughts and feelings to his father, let alone his mother.

“Oh, I already said I don’t want a big fuss.” Sharon sighed. “Don’t you dare let him make a fuss, Luke.”

“Well, I don’t control the man, mum.  I’ve already got him to downsize the gift from a trip to the Maldives.” Luke teased.

“The Maldives?” Sharon gasped.

Difficult as it was, Luke tried to enjoy the distraction of winding his mother up for the rest of the lunch hour.

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Evie (Ace!Tav) Playthrough Day 4

(I love Evie in this fit)

Day 1… Day 3- Day 5

Astarion x Evie (Ace!Tav) Masterlist

For the uninitiated, I wrote a Tav well before I ever had a chance to play the game. Now, I finally can and thought it might be fun for my first play through to be as that Tav. Or, at least as much as the game play will allow me.

These are just some of my notes and scattered highlights that I thought would be fun to share.

Let me know if you think if I should continue this and any suggestions you might have.

So much happened you guys holy shit!!!

Technically this is a combination of two days, since I didn't have time last night and figured I'd wait until after I played some more today (there is just so much of this game I feel like two hour sessions barely scratch the surface)

First off, it took me way too long to figure out how to deactivate the traps in the back cavern in the Emerald Grove

Legitimately nearly died twice; if it weren't for my saves I would have

Not ashamed to admit, I needed to google it; I have never claimed to be a "gamer"

Still got it sorted (and if anybody knows how to get to that center bit in the middle of the cavern, please let me know)

After that decided to go after best girl Karlach

Ran into the Owl Bear cave first and I am upset

I *really* didn't want to kill the Owl Bear mama, but even with non-lethal damage the cub still eats it's mother; seems like it all is the same in the end

I'm now thinking more and more that Evie and Shadowheart get to be good friends; Evie takes a more benefit of the doubt approach to people, and I don't think she knows enough about the Gods and Shar specifically to have many thoughts on the subject

I've been purposefully handing all the books and other info to whoever else is there so Evie doesn't get the info from reading

Lae'zel and Shadowheart are also majorly at each other's throats in the first act

Lae'zel also would not be a fan of Evie; Evie comparatively talks way too much for Lae'zel's taste (+11 to Persuasion will do that to a person) (did I mention I love bards)

Did eventually get to Karlach and she's so great guys! I knew I was going to love her, but I *love* her

She deserves to wreck the Paladins of Tyr hide out, as a treat

(That one bitch was giving me so much trouble, thank God for Wyll's Eldritch Blast or we would have been spending all our actions just trying to keep up)

I am once again faced with not being able to punch a ginger bitch because of *consequences*

Also, I hate all the options they give you when talking to Wyll after he's transformed into a devil

None of this is what Evie would say to him!

Either way though, I am secure in the fact that Wyll would like Evie (even if he's not a fan of her trust in Astarion)

So, one long rest later and we're heading towards the Blighted Villiage; Astarion, Gale and Karlach in toe

Came across the boar and Astarion really is so suspicious

I also think at this point Astarion really doesn't know what to make of Evie; placing her in category bleeding heart no doubt and not certain of her abilities

She's a good talker, as she's able to convince the goblins to let them pass without a fight

On the other hand, she did assists Gale with his little problem, sacrificing a necklace of Dancing Lights

Also it doesn't help that she was nice to a gnome

I think what starts to change his mind though is when they meet Raphael on the road

I really do wish you could give Gur as a background, because even if Evie didn't grow up in the caravan, I do think just culturally she'd pick up on stuff

Not trusting devils I'm sure is top of the list

I wasn't expecting to have Evie so viscerally mistrusting of Raphael, but it felt right to play it that way

I'm not sure who he'd remind her of in her past, but I do think there is something beyond just him being a devil that rubs her the wrong way

Either way, her rejection of a devil's bargain that would not only enslave her, but likely them as well, even in exchange for a cure does re-color some things

Not sure where to insert this in the grand scheme of the narrative, but Evie did let Astarion open the door on the orger and hobgoblin

Evie's talking did not help in this situation

I know the narrative makes it clear what's happening, but I'm thinking Evie might have had a random ace blind spot moment

Like she's not totally naive about sex, but when it's usually the last thing on your mind (and you just talked with a devil), it's not the first thing you picture at the sound of banging

Not her smoothest moment; (honestly the sudden violence is a god send for everyone not to ask her more questions about it)

Either way, went back to the grove with some of the infernal iron and got Karlach stabilized at least

I love Karlach and Wyll's friendship, I support wholesome ships; low key starting to ship her with Dammon though

He's real cute, Karlach deserves a nice guy, and you know he'd roll with the punches

Another long rest later and we're here

The scene

I've been thinking about the build up to this scene

Obviously we know in origins it's after Astarion has a vision of Cazador and wanting to push the limits of his new found freedom by going against one of his rules

But I keep coming back to why Evie

Astarion can likely smell something being wrong with Gale's blood, Wyll just turned into a devil and would likely kill him, Karlach's blood is literal fire, and Lae'zel would also absolutely kill him

That leaves Shadowheart and Evie

Shadowheart is a big question mark to him; she follows Shar, maybe she might even like being bitten

But then there's Evie who has shown time and time again that she wants to help

This is about survival after all, and it would only be a taste

IDK, exploring it; add it to the list of possible future fics

But Evie obviously does wake up and does allow Astarion to bite her

As for Evie's motivations as to why, yes, Astarion is a prickly bastard, but he's in the same boat as the rest of them

If he wanted to hurt them, surely he would have done it by now

She recognizes the look in his eyes, Gods know she's worn it enough; the man is starving, the fact he hasn't done anything until now says a lot

This is definitely the shift in her and Astarion's relationship where they start to actually warm up to each other

So next morning gang wakes up, Evie stands up to Astarion saying she trusts him and heads out again towards the goblin camp; Shadowheart, Astarion and Lae'zel in toe

So Evie's current standing with the party;

Gale has disclosed his condition and gotten the first magical item; high rating with Evie, thinks of her as somebody who he can not only trust, but as someone who has shown bravery and true kindness (not to mention eloquence); maybe starting to form an...appreciation

Wyll has turned into a devil and certainly likes Evie, but maybe a little doubtful in her trust in Astarion and some dealings with the goblins

Shadowheart; genuinely trusts Evie as she's revealed her ambitions as a follower of Shar, and used the artifact in front of Evie in order to protect them from the influence of The Absolute (also might be starting to crush on her, but Evie has not been taking the opportunity to flirt)

Karlach: too soon to tell, but seems like a good person

Lae'zel: not a fan, too weak willed and doesn't know her place; talks too much

Astarion; unsure, certainly knows he can trust her now, to an extent; still too much of a bleeding heart, but then again, it's helped him; at the very least she knows to draw the line with devils and willing to kill to stay alive, over all a fair ally to have

Oh! I can't believe I forgot about my new best boy!

Scratch!

[saucy-mesothelioma]

I wanted to compile a very short list of some of my favorite M*A*S*H scenes and why I love them so much. It's a long post, so everything will be under the cut

Winchester and the Pianist. Season 8, Episode 19, "Morale Victory":

This was the scene that made me truly fall in love with Charles's character. This was his third season on the show, and in my mind he was still "Frank's cooler replacement"- stuck up but not as insufferable. He had his moments of course, but none of them truly got to me like this scene. Stiers puts the perfect amount of subtle passion that Charles has for the fine arts and uses that to not only connect with Private Sheridan, but with the audience as well. Charles, with all of his haughtiness that was very prevalent in his earliest seasons, went beyond caring for Sheridan's physical injuries but also the blows to his sense of purpose. He sees a man with as much passion for the arts as him, and he's determined to show Private Sheridan how much he really is capable of. He wants to keep that passion alive in the face of hardship, and the look on his face when he sits back and listens to Private Sheridan play says it all. He's done more that repair a man in the literal sense, but he's also done so with a man's hope. It was the turning point that made me see Charles as not just Frank's replacement in matters of minor antagonism and subject of Hawkeye and BJ's antics, but truly as his own character with so much more to him.

Father Mulcahy's Interview. Season 4, Episode 24, "The Interview":

This story was based on something a real army doctor that served in a Korean M*A*S*H unit told the writers, and it's such a visceral picture that even rewatching it I have to just stop and take it all in. And it's just a fragment of the horrible conditions that the doctors, the soldiers, the locals, and pretty much anyone in the line of fire in Korea at the time had to deal with. This show might be a dramady showing some of the antics of a fictionalized army hospital, but this is one of those moments where the show really just pulls you into the stark reminder that not everything they talk about or show in this series is fake. Despite all of the jokes and slapstick, at its core M*A*S*H is an anti-war commentary and it makes no attempts to hide it. This episode just happened to be one of the earlier instances where the majority of the comedy was removed in favor of really highlighting the brutality of war. Scenes like this cut deep, and that's exactly what they're supposed to do.

Sometimes You Hear The Bullet. Season 1, Episode 17, "Sometimes You Hear The Bullet":

I'm not afraid to admit that this scene made me cry. Not a full-out cry, but the kind that hits you so hard that you barely even register the fact that you're crying until you're already doing it. Even now I'm having trouble conveying how this scene makes me feel into words. It's another one of those scenes that holds nothing back when it comes to the message that war is a taker of so many lives, and it doesn't discriminate with its victims. Hawkeye's frustration with his disassociation with the deaths of his patients is just heart-wrenching, especially since it's something he essentially has to do because it's his job: "I've watched guys die almost every day. Why didn't I ever cry for them?". You can tell that it's not only the death of his friend that's affecting him, it's the fact that his job has forced him to distance himself to the idea that the people he operates on every day are people with lives, hopes, and dreams. When he's confronted with the death of a friend who died just as so many soldiers before him, Hawkeye is reminded of the fact that the soldiers suffering from unimaginable injuries that he operates on every day were just like him. It's a realization that I couldn't possibly fathom dealing with, and yet it's one that Hawkeye has to deal with every time he's in the operating room.

Through the Wisecracks. Season 11, Episode 5, "Who Knew?":

This episode is the one that hits me hard the most. I think what gets me about this episode is how it reminds me of the people in war who remain forgotten: the nameless soldiers, locals, surgeons, company clerks, and many others. And I think that's the point. We never see Millie. She is a faceless character who we know little to nothing about, and the people at the 4077th know little to nothing about her either. It's only when Hawkeye puts in the effort to learn about her and to read her diary, that Millie is given substance. We learn as Hawkeye learns, and it hurts for both him and the viewer. She almost went forgotten, just another casualty among a million other causalities, but someone took the time to remember her, and that's more than can be said about so many who died in war. Another thing that gets be about this episode is the same lesson Hawkeye learns: to care about each other and let the people you love know you care, because someday it might be too late for that. Millie was too shy to get close to anyone at the 4077th, so Hawkeye never knew that she cared about him until it was too late. Hawkeye reflects on how he hides behind his jokes, and we can see other examples of characters on the show doing the same thing such as Margaret hiding behind her military correctness and Charles behind his haughtiness. But Hawkeye refuses to hide behind his jokes during this moment and tells his friends just how much he cares for them. He knows that especially in their circumstance, the people that he grew to love in the 4077th could be dead tomorrow. So he decides he won't go a second longer without letting them know how much they mean to him. He ensures that not only Millie won't be forgotten, but neither will his friends.

[tjalexandernyc]

Not sure why so many people are getting nostalgic over Claire's at the moment but if you'd like to hear my personal Claire's ear piercing story here it is.

I'm 40 years old so I grew up in peak '90s mall culture. Claire's was a standard stop on any mall visit along with The Rave, Auntie Anne's, and the sketchy arcade. Despite the ubiquity of Claire's and its cheap ear piercing, I never got my ears pierced until I was... probably 15 or maybe 14. I don't know how I escaped it for so long; most of my girl friends had their ears pierced either as an infant or at least before they were tweens. I suspect it was a combination of me being a little nonbinary baby who didn't want to wear earrings in both ears but couldn't articulate why, so I never asked for them; the fact that my mom was thrifty and never offered; and my grandmother's penchant for clip-on earrings, since she'd also never gotten her ears pierced. I think when she was growing up in the 1920s it was seen as slutty? Anyway IF I was required to wear earrings for a fancy occasion there were plenty of grandma's sitting around the place.

But when I was 14 or 15, I was at the mall with my father. I don't remember why we were at the mall together. We rarely did anything together, and even now are not especially close. I vaguely remember my childhood best friend being there too. We must have been waiting for someone or something (maybe a movie at the attached theater?) and had some time to kill.

I think my dad must have offered to buy us some earrings we were examining at one of the kiosks, because I remember having to explain to him that I didn't have pierced ears. My dad famously misremembered things about me, like thinking I'd had braces when it was my older brother, not me, who needed them. He was shocked. He must have assumed I'd gotten them pierced at some point, but I told him no, it never happened. He offered to pay for the piercing at Claire's right then and there.

I don't know if I can explain how it felt, that offer. I was largely ambivalent about piercings. I knew, as most '90s kids did, that there was a Gay Ear that some guys wore earrings in, but no one seemed to agree which one it was. I have a visceral memory, down to knowing exactly which seat I was in, when a kid in the elementary school lunchroom got a cheap clip on pirate earring stuck on his earlobe and was mercilessly taunted for it being on the Gay Ear. I both wanted piercings so I could figure out which of my ears, if any, were gay. I simultaneously didn't want anyone putting holes in me. I craved visibility and invisibility in equal measure. I wanted to do something with my dad, since we never did things together. I didn't want to spend my own money on ear piercing, which my father spoke of like some inevitable event. I wanted to talk to my best friend about all this alone even though I knew she would not understand.

I ended up getting my ears pierced at Claire's that day. The 18 year old cashier who was manning the piercing gun made one puncture slightly off center compared to the other. I picked out a pair of cubic zirconia studs, which I thought weren't as girly as the others. After the piercings healed I started wearing earrings pretty much every day and amassed a huge collection of them. I did that up until I came out a few years ago.

I don't wear earrings often anymore but when I do it's usually just one dangly transguy-esque piece or a single hoop. I put it in the same ear that the kid in the lunchroom did. I haven't thought about my father in relation to my piercings for a very long time, until recently, when the Claire's memes reminded me. I think there's probably a lot of pop psychology mud to dig through there if someone cared to. I don't.

My father and I talk a couple times a year now, usually brokered by my mom. He has pierced ears, by the way, three in each ear. I don't remember when that happened. I'd like to think it was around the time my parents got divorced. I'd like to think it was circa 1997. I'd like to think it happened the way I know it didn't, in a way that even our combined shit memories couldn't conjure: that we both got gunned at the Claire's at the mall, ears red and puffy, before getting a cinnamon sugar pretzel to split. It didn't happen that way, but god I wish it had.

[shootingstarrfish]

Hi I wanted to ask one of my fav obey me artists this question: Least favorite to favorite characters? If you wanna say why, that'd be cool. If anything! Please have a nice day!

hii there!!! dearest anon stop being so nice you're going to make me cry AHSHDHD thank you,,, <33333

but what a fun question! for anyone who doesn't want to read my stupid long explanation for each character i will leave this tierlist here! all tiers (except the first tier) are organised by most to least liked within the tier from left to right

no i dont hate lucifer, it's just facebook relationship status (aka complicated <3)

i have plenty of opinions though so i'll go ahead and give some explanations too!! >:D under the cut because there's a lot of rambling here LOL

some of the list is a bit boring because i cant really say i hate or even dislike any characters, and i don't wanna be mean about any characters just cause they're not necessarily my favourites so!

that being said lucifer pisses me off to a comical degree and he absolutely doesn't belong at the bottom but my feelings about him are so ridiculously complicated i don't know where else he belongs? i wish so badly that i could hate him in an uncomplicated way and move on but as an eldest sibling he's such a personal attack on me and i hate it. he's me, i'm him it's horrible. every time i start to think "ahh he's not that bad" he opens his mouth and makes me regret thinking that. i still think about the time i chose to kiss him on the ferris wheel and he held his hand out after and i took it and he said it reminded him of his dead sister, i will never stop holding it against him. he deserves to be loved and taken care of and he also should be thrown off a cliff. im quite certain if i had to assign myself a sin i would pick pride and i hate it >:( (this is all very lighthearted lol)

diavolo used to viscerally annoy me for no good reason when i first started the game, but over time he's grown on me and i'd say now i'm neutral-positive on him!! no idea why i hated him, i was just very salty for no reason hahaha i've recently come to appreciate his character a lot more, im very :( about how lonely he must be and i want him to have more genuine friends please solmare

i think mephisto really is just the kind of character i need to see more of to like, he's very interesting to read character analyses of (and kinda relatable tbh?) but i just need more in game is all! i love his silly lil poses those are real fun, and he is pretty

levi is another i also used to hate out of nowhere? i was neutral on him initially and then i suddenly hated him with a burning passion until one of my friends told me she really loved him and im physically incapable of hating a character my friends love so we're chill again HAHA slowly beginning to like him though! what a pathetic sopping wet cat of a man, it's GREAT

OUUGHH i so badly wanna be able to love beel more, it hurts me to have to put him here but unfortunately this is the way it is... i think it's more accurate to say i love the idea of beel? and ive noticed i really like him everywhere that isnt the game, which again is unfortunate :,)))

LUKE IS MY SON he is babyyyyyyy that's all i have to say <333 my precious lil sonboy he deserves the whole entire world

everyone loves mammon, and i am no exception :D he's not necessarily my type hence why he's neatly placed right in the middle but ugh i love a guy who tries and fails miserably to act tough but is super sweet inside, what a guy <3 ok i flip flopped between putting satan and simeon in the love tier because i am so very fond of both of them, but that's too many characters up there so imagine they're both in a weird tier purgatory between the 2 LOL

i am in fact going to marry simeon and then we will raise luke together it's a fact simeon is everything he's pretty and beautiful and a very complex and interesting character ahhh

SATAN MY LOVE he's a very interesting case to me in that i feel on paper he should be the kind of character who would be on the top of the list! he's smart and kind and unhinged and would kill for you and he likes cats!!! truly husband material i adore him

im going to marry thirteen, thanks for listening to my ted talk <3 my darling beautiful wife who would laugh hysterically if i fell down the stairs i love u thirteen <3333333 we will be wed tomorrow and we will live the dream in her silly lil cave of pranks and curses

i dont know what it is about raphael but i adore him??? is it the wet kitten swag? the done with life expression? his ridiculous outfit? i couldnt tell you but i saw him for the first time and i was immediately obsessed everything i learn about him just makes me more obsessed, i love the fact that he enjoys solomons cooking, the way he's good at sewing and is kind but kinda scary, what a fun character

i could talk endlessly about solomon oh how i love this silly househusband wizard guy i was pretty neutral on him in the og game, and then he swiftly stole my heart in nightbringer and now i would eat his terrible cooking any day of the week just to see him smile <3 if i die seeing him happy that's probably the best way to go out all his calls and messages are sooo cute and they make me melt im in love please just one chance...

barbatos and solomon are typically equal on the list i'd say? but the barbatos brainrot is hitting harder now so he gets to be ever so slightly higher this once hahaha barbs is another that took a while to grow on me, not that i ever disliked him or anything but i definitely overlooked him at first! design wise i absolutely LOVE him, his demon form is definitely one of my absolute favourites. the unique but still put together suit?? the ruffles?? the bone wing horns?? ugh he's just very pretty, and SO interesting as well love a calm collected guy who totally has the potential to destroy you if he so wishes but has a soft spot for you

and of course, real shocker im sure, at the tippy top of the list would be asmo and belphie my beloveds <333 i love them both equally and i could never put one above the other i actually started playing obey me for belphie because one of my favourite character tropes is The Tired One TM, and im absolutely not immune to a cute emo boy either. i've grown to really love his sass and the way he hides his manipulative nature behind his sweet and innocent appearance hehe i also do love how ridiculously forward and blunt he is at times, what a silly guy while belphie was very predictable, asmo was a very out of nowhere character for me! i distinctly remember seeing him initially and thinking "avatar of lust?? i guess he's pretty but he'll probably just be the fuckboy character who makes nonstop innuendos and has no character beyond that, and i'm too asexual for this" so i avoided him a lot at first, but i'm very weak for how kind and gentle and charismatic he is, and the way he puts his all into everything and everyone <333 it didnt take long for me to realise that he's almost exactly the kind of person i aspire to be more like

also miura ayme gives me so much gender envy its not fair send tweet

[tohellandback99]

Well, I feel bad for Raul who has to sit and listen to all the creepies online, white knighting him as if there was anything to white knight over. By also attacking and derailing and defaming his person of interest, Kat, for absolutely no fucking reason, all while choosing to be tone deaf to the whole reason why she’s the “asshole,” to begin with. And the fact that he stays with her throughout on his own accord because he genuinely likes her no matter how you choose to look at it, he’s not an imbecile and understands why she is having a hard time intrinsically (and from experiences,) and simply wants to support Kat.

Yes he probably understands. Yeah that’s right. During, those three nights, and four mornings of them knowing each other, or being reunited with each other. Because maybe, that’s the whole goddamn point. AND MAYBE, the ending of the movie was just the beginning of their “acquaintanceship.”

So wait…. you didn’t, watch the movie? All you did was lurk upon Raul in certain scenes with Kat and thought, “hey, she’s being a dick. I’m gonna go post about it now!”

Raul didn’t ask for this, and you’re not saving him at all you’re just sneakily choosing for him like he’s a baby with no autonomy. And just for which you feel so strongly about him without looking at anything else this movie had to say, makes me wonder if you want him all to yourself locked inside of your musty weird sultry basement.

What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you care so much who Raul wants to be around? Are you jealous of Kat or something? It kinda feels like it. Yikes

So for everyone’s sake,

Leave Raul, a fourteen. Yes, let me remind people since someone has forgotten already. Leave this FOURTEEN-year old transgender BOY, who is a literal DOLL, out of this! He’s not YOUR puppet. He’s his own boy and you can’t keep him contained in your deranged fantasyland. So he’s hanging out with a girl with bad PTSD who’s his own age!? Too bad, princess. Deal with it.

You have nothing to do with him. You ain’t his mom, you ain’t his dad, and you’re not his teachers, friends, and his doctor. Luckily, you’re not even the creep neighbor next door to him. You’re absolutely NOTHING, to Raul. So let the teenage boy, be a teenage boy. How bout that?

And if you didn’t watch the movie then don’t fucking come over here with your CORRUPTED Raul obsession and then tell everyone Kat’s story like you have any degrading leg to stand on. Lol, I scoff at the notion. You don’t, you’re not an expert on this subject, and your opinion is crap on my cat’s fuzzy ass that will just be stuck there for two days, and then later disposed of. Watch the movie and get some therapy, or fuck right the fuck off. And please for the love of all humanity, leave the children alone!

Thank you to the majority of the people who I know is almost everybody out and around and everywhere here, who either don’t care or who have the rationality to contemplate the fact. that actually. you can’t make Raul run around with no shoes on in the snow to desperately speak to anyone other than Kat, with VISCERAL YEARNING. This is not directed at you, just to the ONE PERSON, and potentially any other two people here who want to “protect” Raul. Happy Holidays 💜

Yes

(Deleted my post after because this one says all I needed to say really.)

[phykios]

Review: I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom

Yes, yes, the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the meetcute of the century, it’s very exciting, but I have to ask–why is it framed like a horror movie? 

To be clear, I’m not saying I don’t like it. I can easily believe that it’s a character choice, that Leah decided Annabeth had been practicing that line over and over again to sound as cool and aloof as possible, and then not realize it makes her look super weird. That is the kind of intense, “formative years in magical summer camp” awkwardness that I always associate Annabeth with. But combined with the storm, the blurring of the curtains, and the sinister musical underscoring, it’s just a very odd choice. 

For me, personally, peak delivery of “You drool when you sleep” will always belong to Kristin Stokes, mostly because the comedic value of her cutting off Percy in the middle as he musically waxes poetic about how beautiful she is is very, very high. But, because it’s literally Leah’s first (technically second) line in the whole series, and because I think it does make sense with her character as the episode unfolds, I won’t say it’s the wrong choice. I won’t even say that I don’t get it. Just that, when combined with the rest of the framing, it’s an odd one. (Remind me to return to this point once the season is over, and we’ll see if my feelings have changed at all!)

I’m going to do my best to be normal about Luke, and I promise you, I will fail. Luckily for all of us, Luke is not yet babygirl; he is still only baby. As several others have pointed out, the fact that Luke’s first interaction with Percy is one of immediate sympathy, and that he more explicitly takes Percy under his wing, taking book!Annabeth’s position of being the lore explainer and confidante, is going to be so heinous in retrospect when the betrayal comes. As a side note, I loved the way that the other cabin members were side-eyeing Percy as the camera slowly picked its way through the room. Also, the fact that Luke’s words were repeated by the shadowy figure (presumably Kronos) in Percy’s nightmare? When Percy calls Luke his friend, still in the middle of his emotional separation from Grover? Amazing. It’s going to hurt so bad. 

You can tell Luke has a lot of sway in his cabin, from the little entourage–including Chris!–that follows him around camp, but I wish we had seen more of his status in the greater camp social circle, beyond him getting Clarisse to successfully back off. Even something as simple as people just calling out to him in greeting would help fill the gaps in. (Think “Hi, Barbie!”) This could easily bog down the pacing, though, so I get why it’s not here. You can also tell that Luke and Chris have their little grooming (ideological, not the other kind) routine down pat. “They like the smell of burnt mac and cheese?” “They like the smell of begging.” Might be my favorite exchange of the whole episode. 

Speaking of favorites, favorite performance this episode goes to Dior Goodjohn during capture the flag. However, Clarisse’s characterization here feels almost like the inverted version of Gabe from the previous episode–he’s been dialed down, but she’s been dialed up. In the books, she starts out as a bully, yes, but more of an ineffectual one, since she gets hit with a faceful of toilet water in her first appearance. Dior plays her much, much scarier than she ever was in text… but at the same time, could she be scarier just because the act of seeing someone in a fight can be scarier than reading about it? And again, the reverse for Gabe: was his character dialed down because seeing acts of domestic abuse at that level was a worse experience than reading about them? For Clarisse, this change works, but for Gabe, the jury's still out. 

Now, onto the claiming scene. Was it everything I hoped it would be and more? 

Not really. It was fine. (I thought the fight choreography was great, though–quick but still visceral, much more grounded than the standard Marvel featherlight beam fights.) For one thing, a glowing sea-green trident just doesn’t have the same visual oomph against a daylit background. For another, the drama of a hellhound coming out of nowhere and almost mauling Percy to death immediately raises the stakes, necessitating this equally dramatic resolution. But for a third, the claiming scene in the books is a hard subversion of what should be this triumphant, cathartic moment, where Percy is recognized by his father, but is instead immediately ostracized by his newfound community because of it. It’s a brilliant piece of writing, and it makes me go feral at the drop of a hat, and when the show decides to almost gloss over it, cutting from Percy in the water to Chiron’s exposition dump, it doesn’t feel like it has the time to settle, to impact the audience the way it should–or at least, the way that I want it to, the way it knocked me on my ass at age 12 and age 26 and age [redacted]. 

A lot of these last two episodes feel that way, in my opinion. I fear that, as someone who is clinically deep in the lore, my background knowledge fills in the gaps of the story that would otherwise be a detriment to a blind watcher. I recognize that there is a lot of book to get through in a relatively short amount of time, but we are skating along the plot at breakneck speed, and I worry that we are missing some key, grounding tentpoles in the meantime. 

So, with all that in mind, let’s talk about character arcs. 

Annabeth in the books clocks Percy as powerful from the moment she meets him–I think Annabeth in the show takes that to another level, using that fact to force Chiron’s hand in order to get her out of camp and on a quest. She is determined that Percy is “the one,” and if he isn’t, then she is going to make him so. It’s kind of hilarious to see a twelve year old as a kingmaker, but as Luke says, she’s always six steps ahead of everyone else. Based on this, I see why they’ve swapped some of Luke’s and Annabeth’s book personalities, because I predict that their show counterparts will switch roles as the season comes to an end. Annabeth will take Luke’s place as Percy’s friend, lore reservoir, and confidante, and Luke will become the cold, calculating one. Similarly, I bet that Grover and Percy’s arc will probably be about overcoming Percy’s feelings of betrayal towards Grover for getting him kicked out of Yancy. Percy’s new forged bonds with Grover and Annabeth will come in handy once Luke tries to stab him in the back. 

Stray thoughts:

Jason Mantzoukas, my beloved!! I’m glad he can dial down the insanity when necessary. As Dionysus, he has a really interesting dynamic switch between Percy (merciless trolling) and Grover (semi-stern authority). I wonder if it’s because technically Grover as a satyr kind of falls under his purview? Or am I overthinking it? 

At some point, if I can get good enough screencaps, I want to go through the set design and use my newfound ancient architectural knowledge to see where they pulled inspiration from

I wish Luke’s scar were bigger. And a little grosser. 

When Luke said the word “kleos,” I actually stood up and started pacing around the room. That, plus Chris name dropping an obscure god, makes me extremely happy.

It is so nice seeing Riordan’s continued commitment to expanding his world so that all kinds of kids can see themselves in his work!

It’s pronounced like “They-lia” with a soft th and I will die on this hill. But also, “forbidden kid” is kind of great and I kind of love it? 

One teeny nitpick: it looks most of the campers all have five bead necklaces, and I wish they had ones with different numbers: four beads, three beads, two beads, hell, throw in a 7 bead, just for fun

[ungrateful-cyborg-moved]

10 fandoms, 10 characters, 10 tags

Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!

Tagged by: @miqojak! Ty! It didn't even take me half a year to get around it this time XD

In no particular order, except for the first one ever since I'm 16. Also finding 10 fandoms is kinda hard because I'm def not that active, or even a passive participant, in so many fandoms so you'll get a glimpse of my younger self instead :'D

And long post ahead so thank you in advance if you've taken the time to go through this list!

Kanon, from Saint Seiya

Look, this is the blorbo and if you see similarities between his backstory and Kazan's, no you don't. Mentioning either him or the manga is enough to get my friends to sigh and groan as they await the inevitable gushing/rant that'll follow (which reminds me that I haven't, actually, gushed about him or ranted about the manga in quite a while now). Which is to say, I love lonely sad villains/antiheroes and if you've ever seen me mentioning the forbidden blorbo, now you know who I'm talking about.

Emet-Selch, from FFXIV

At this point I feel like I should mention that I do not stand in favor of manipulating or killing people as a form of therapy :'D

A bit more seriously though, I think he's the first character I felt so viscerally about in the game? Like I never agreed with his views but going through ShB I really hoped we'd managed to bring him to our side. My tragedy-loving ass won't complain about how ShB ended for him, mind you, but still.

Honorable mention for Thancred too, whom I feel more and more attached to as times passes, and also Y'shtola but in her case it's perhaps more the fact that she's, in terms of behavior, very much My Type.

Madi, from Black Sails

There are many great characters in that TV show and if you haven't seen it, I can only recommend it to you. But really, Madi is my favourite of the lot and definitely the inspiration for Inge if I had to pick one.

Between her cleverness, her dignity, her integrity, her charisma, her dedication to her people and her cause and her curiosity about others, what's not to love about her?

Varric Tethras, from Dragon Age 2 / DA:I

I was hesitating between Isabela and Cullen, but then I remembered the Best Companion Ever and how could I not put Hawke's most loyal friend on the list? I love him, love his loyalty, how he stays compassionate despite all he goes through, his sense of humor, his honesty... Only wish we could have romanced him in DA:I, but on the other end I like his story with Bianca so I'm not too sad about not being able to.

Byakuya Kuchiki, from Bleach

In the spirit of this dash game I'll respect the rules and make a choice, but if I'd filled this list any other day, I might have put Grimmjow there instead :'D

Anyway. I love a stubborn man with a stick up his ass and too many (conflicting) principles despite a rebellious heart who needs to be almost killed to start thinking that perhaps, just perhaps, he could have handle a Situation better.

And I love this character development past that point.

He wasn't an inspiration for Wolfe, but they're very much alike in several aspect. Byakuya is, however, a lot better at keeping a straight face.

Lois Habiba, from Torchwood S3

I haven't watched Torchwood in a long time but I remember her. In fact I remember Lois better than I remember some of the main cast.

She was just a normal young woman who had managed to get a really good job and risked everything to do the right thing and idk. She was just a really solid character that deserved better recognition.

Dean Winchester. Do I need to say from where?

Look, I loved all five seasons of Supernatural. A shame they didn't add more later!

And with Dean it's a bit personal so I'm not gonna go deep in details about it, but let's just say that there's quite a bit of me that I recognized in him and I just want to give that man a hug.

Donna Noble, from Doctor Who

I'm not up to date with the new seasons/episodes so no spoilers please!

But hm, yeah. I think what I loved the most about how Russel T. Davies was directing the show was how real his everyday people turned companion felt, and while I preferred Rose when I was younger, the older I get, the more appreciation I have for Donna.

She's just so full of life and character, so brave and so unapologetic about being herself despite her self-esteem issues, but I think what I love above all else about her is how she always acted as an equal to the Doctor.

I'm gonna repeat myself but really, the older I get, the more I love her. And I really need to catch up :'D

Cain Hargreaves, from the Cain saga

Honestly I don't expect anyone to remember this manga XD It's an old one I read when I was a teenager and one of the few I kept despite not having re-read it in 10+ years. I don't remember that much from it but I do remember the ending quite well.

Anyways. Cain's a young earl with a tragic past, a strong sense of justice, more money than common sense, a love for poisons and a fear of commitment. Truly, what could go wrong with such a character?

Also:

"Have I ever failed a promise to you? - Yes, all the time." after his sister made him swear he'd come back to her alive is just perfect.

Spike, from BtVS

He's devoted, he's cruel, he's romantic, he's brave, he's pathetic, he's capable of taking responsibility for his actions... I love a multifaceted character and I've had a soft spot for Spike ever since I've watched the series for the first time.

I rewatched it not too long ago and it didn't age that well imo, or maybe I'm just more critical than I used to be, but I still think Spike is an awesome character and I love that it was in spite of Whedon's intentions for him.

---

And I believe that brings me at 10 characters for 10 fandoms! It strangely feels more like undressing in front of strangers than actually undressing in front of strangers :'D So obviously I'm gonna tag a few people to do it too:

@under-the-blood-moonlight @merlwybs-wife @voidtekarc @alannah-corvaine @ashenbun @zhauric @biff-adventurer @tea-and-conspiracy and @confusedtia! And frankly anyone else who wants to!

[quillyfied]

Things I’m noticing on this rewatch, which I’m hoping to take slow and ponder on but we will see how it goes, PART THREE (obviously major Good Omens season 2 spoilers throughout, specifically for S2E3)

- First, going back to the previous episode: thank you to the person who reminded me that the Dirty Donkey pub is the pub that Crowley plans his holy water heist in!! (Which means Crowley LITERALLY planned his heist on Aziraphale’s stoop, unless Aziraphale moved the pub to be closer to himself in case it happened again. Hmmmm.)

- Also. I have been reminded that “Give me coffee or give me death” is a modified quote of “give me liberty or give me death” by an American revolutionary. Which. Explains all the Statues of Liberty around the place. I am Slow.

- Anyway, to e3: the fact that Jim has a labeled mug and hot chocolate canister. I feel like he tried to ingest something he wasn’t supposed to, so Aziraphale made sure he had his name on his things XD

- The sex worker is a treasure, for one; I hope I am reminded of her name soon.

- MURIEL. SWEET ANGEL BABY. Sorry they’re not a baby but they are so adorably innocent and inexperienced. I love that Aziraphale treats them so kindly despite his obvious terror. Though. It is a kindness that reminds me of my coworkers. I work in childcare. I know a “childcare” disposition when I see it.

- Okay, the framing there: the box, and the hat. The mystery, and the detective cap. Excellent.

- The gentle tutelage, Muriel’s scrunchy face when they realize what tea is for—I’m just SCREECHING.

- AND CROWLEY GETTING IN ON IT. THE WAY HIS WHOLE DEMEANOR IMMEDIATELY GOES FROM BITCHING TO DELIGHTED. AAAAAAAAAAH.

- AND HE’S SITTING. ON THE ARM. OF AZIRAPHALE’S CHAIR.

- The coparenting. Muriel’s utter naivety. I’m just.

- “I’m not sure how you lot have managed to stay in charge.” “I’m not sure we actually have.” SAY IT LOUDER.

- OKAY BUT HOW DOES HELL MEASURE MIRACLES THO

- ONE FABULOUS KISS CROWLEY. IS THAT ALL IT TAKES.

- “To tell if humans are in love you need to wait a few days” not bad advice really but also unrelated how many days are in like 6000 years? Asking for a friend.

- AZIRAPHALE TALKING TO THE BENTLEY AND IMMEDIATELY BEING A BIGGER MENACE ON THE ROAD THAN CROWLEY. VINDICATION.

- Thing the first about the opening theme: Crowley crawls up the cliff and Aziraphale lands on it. Just a nice touch.

- The movie theater in the opening has a different feature title and picture on the big screen every episode. I missed it for the first one but last time it was “A Companion to Owls” (which is a verse from Job that I only know because the full quote is “I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls” and it was a lamentation but of course teenage Quilly thought that was the coolest thing she had ever read). This time: The Resurrectionists, coupled with a shot of the Gabriel statue.

- I think Crowley’s hair is s1 color in this minisode but I can’t be sure. Lighting is…not. :P

- THE BONUS CONTENT SAYS NEIL GAIMAN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO LET DAVID TENNANT DO AS MANY SCOTTISH ACCENTS AS HE CAN THIS CHAPTER. I AM DELIGHTED

- The second Elspeth says “English” Crowley starts losing it, which in turn makes ME lose it.

- I love the bringing back in the discussion from the book about privilege making its way here, and given a more visceral illustration and testing. Though I love Crowley literally helping Elspeth pull the wagon, a thing I’m not sure he’s ever willingly done in his life, and poking holes in Aziraphale’s arguments all the way.

- Wee Morag’s morals have about the same utility in this situation as Aziraphale’s, tbh. I’m not sure I have the mental capacity tonight to deconstruct that the way it deserves.

- Aha! Knew I recognized the tune in the car! Danse Macabre!

- He is AFFECTIONATE towards the BENTLEY. Which Crowley can FEEL.

- YELLOW CAR. DAMN YOU JOHN FINNEMORE.

- but it is pretty, Crowley!

- Spoilsport.

- I fully did not internalize the tartan hills and Nessie the first time around. I saw them. I immediately chalked them up to personal fever dream.

- The demon’s name is Josh. Why is that delightful??

- He wears a kilt! And has a wonderful little monologue about dung pits and tongue ripping!

- Beelzebub being off is subtle. Almost too subtle.

- The many stacks of books Crowley carries around and then chucks this episode. Love it.

- Crowley not having a cow about a fly seems weird tbh

- Vavoom. Where tf did he learn the word vavoom

- “David Tennant has occasionally played a doctor” OH HAS HE NOW

- the almost musical pulls Michael Sheen does for miracles this season. Lovely.

- Also: the dual nature of Mr. Dalrymple. Needs bodies to do good and study so he can save lives. Treats the people bringing him the bodies like dirt.

- Okay: is Crowley freezing time, or just putting Dalrymple in a mental time out? Very curious to know. The trivia bit on the side references the s1 trick of having Jean-Claude’s actor stand very still to achieve the time stop there, so perhaps freezing time?

- Alright moment of silence for how very very good Crowley’s outfit is this scene. Yum.

- The instant penny drop when Aziraphale realizes the reason for the body snatching, how he immediately uses prevention of future harm to classify it as Good.

- Also. His emotional reaction to the kid’s tumor. ;A;

- Edinburgh is so colorful!!

- HIS SMUG LITTLE GRIN WHEN HE POPS OUT HIS HAT AND NOTEBOOK. Also, wtf is in his hat. What is that.

- Okay but the double sided sign, and how Aziraphale first sees the Jesus side. IMPORTANT. PAINFUL.

- PRESS 66. That’s what’s in the hat.

- And Aziraphale being every bit as awkward as Muriel in his interrogation. Just slightly less weird. Angels.

- Listen I’ll probably say it again at episode 6 but the sheer magnitude of the importance that Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love over the course of a year—with EACH OTHER. Not with earth or humans or creation. Just each other. Hggk.

- Alright, but Aziraphale DOES see the other half of the sign here. Does he get it? DOES HE GET IT?? No. Of course not.

- “I’ll help but it still doesn’t make it right.” That is such an uncomfortable truth to sit with. The whole adventure is, really. The whole show. SHADES OF GREY.

- Okay, I’m pausing this episode way too much, it’s been over an hour since I started this episode, but—the way Aziraphale overcorrects is. Sad? Elspeth and Wee Morag aren’t here to decrease human suffering. Outside of their own, of course, which can also be achieved by digging up a body that’s fresh. Scope of intent and how Aziraphale simplifies and moralizes it. Huh.

- Lot more this season about Aziraphale’s miracle allowances, too. Very interesting concept.

- MIGHT HAVE SLIGHTLY OVERDONE IT ON THE HOLE. MIGHT YOU INDEED.

- interesting how his dithering is what causes his chance to heal Wee Morag to slip through his fingers. And yet raising her is out of the question. Can Aziraphale even do that? We know he and Crowley together generate a ton of power, but what about on his own?

- interesting that elspeth takes Wee Morag to Dalrymple and is already contemplating suicide despite her actions suggesting she intended to keep on living. Hmm.

- Dalrymple the Ass. Not just unwilling to get his own hands dirty but disparaging of those who will. Another moral dichotomy.

- And elspeth also not wanting to get dug up? Wee Morag’s death affecting her?

- CROWLEY OFF HIS HEAD WITH LAUDANUM IS THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME

- How much is 90 guineas compared to 5 pounds? …google says a guinea is worth slightly more than a pound. So. For the eight pounds Elspeth and Wee Morag were aiming for, for the three pounds shafted that Wee Morag died for…Aziraphale literally had over ten times that amount in his pocket. MORALS.

- …the stupid special features had the math onscreen already. Sort of. Heck.

- Yeah okay this scene adds way more context to Crowley asking for holy water fifty or so years later. Yikes. YIKES. The implications of it all!!

- Asking the phone nicely. Love these little Aziraphaleisms.

- The awning of a new age XD

- The little tipping of his cap!! Adorable!

- Nina and Maggie actually TALKING. HEY CROWLEY ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION???

- The rain is overdone and the awning rips. Gosh. Whatever could that be implying?

- Seriously how is Crowley able to pull these spells out of Jim?? And seemingly ONLY him???

- Alright, this prophecy bit. Seems to me to be about the future, also about the past, which is very biblical tbh. Specifically Isaiah. But I’m not up to snuff enough on my Bible to tell what all Gabriel is quoting. Besides the Buddy Holly.

- HELLO SHAX

- Okay, realizing that no angels pop up in Aziraphale’s shop in season 1, either. Gabriel and Sandalphon enter from the outside. I’ll need to rewatch to see if Aziraphale actively invites them in, or if it’s just blocking. I think it might just be blocking. But what an interesting detail, that only humans can enter at will and all else must be invited!

- The threatening of Aziraphale continues. The anxiety of Crowley intensifies. The obliviousness of Jim resets.

- Always too late. Poor Crowley.

Yeah this took an hour and a half to watch XD but I’m having fun. And killing quite a lot of time. Am I making sense or creating a thoughtful analysis? No, I don’t think so. But I’m solidifying the canon in my head, at least.

[comingyourlugubriousness]

⭐ For Yume! ⭐

1- 4- and 20!

🌙🌙🌙🌙

Do you have a song that represents your OC, if so why?

I have SEVERAL songs that represent Yume. Last time I answered a song in this post, that made me think of Yume's overall time in Twisted Wonderland. (It's a sorta long post with analysis.) And @bunnwich has said that "Waiting on a Miracle" from Encanto reminds them of Yume. Most recently the song that represents Yume for me is. Camera's by Matt and Kim.

"No time for cameras We'll use our eyes instead No time for cameras We'll be gone when we're dead No time for cameras We'll use our eyes instead I see flashes of gold."

I love the idea of Yume slowly coming out of their shell and learning that they need to be more than just a spectator in life if they wanna be happy not only in the future but now as well! 0v0

Honestly, I should just drop and Yume Ume Playlist. (And my cheez whiz Yume x Idia playlist too)

Who is your OC’s closest platonic friend?

I know I KNOW I DONT TALK ABOUT IT MUCH!

But Ruggie and Yume are besties y'all! They don't really know how it happened either considering Yume disliked his smug aura and hates when people steal from them specifically. And Ruggie can smell a goodie too shoes a mile away. Of course, that's just the surface-level projection of both of them.

Once they get to know each other in and after chapter 2 they both see past that and realize they have things in common and of course a dumb similar taste in humor.

Add that to the fact that Yuuta and Leona "hang out" and also Jack and Yuuhi "hang out", and it leaves Yume and Ruggie as the platonic 3rd wheels. So they kinda just gravitate toward each other during those times too. Don't get them wrong, Grim, Deuce, and Ace were their first friends and hold a special place in their heart. But I think they get along with Ruggie on a very visceral level that they didn't expect lol. Reminds me of this OLD but still good meme:

Tell us about a complicated relationship your OC has with another character?

Last time with this question I talked about Yume's relationship with Jamil! So this time let me talk about Yume's relationship with KALIM!

Oh boy where to start. Yume didn't officially meet Kalim until chapter 4 and was very skeptical meet a genuinely kind person at NRC, especially after getting betrayed by Azul. So when Kalim is just genuinely nice and kind it kinda threw them for a loop. And then he started talking and saying nice things ABOUT Yume. Compliments they've never heard from anyone before! Plus the fact that he was so touchy (in a good way! Yume enjoys casual affection)

And the whole flying carpet under the stars didn't help (even with their brothers with them the whole time.)

So yeah it kinda developed into a big time crush, unfortunately. Though after going through the events of chapter 4 they realize that Jamil and Kalim have their own things to work through and that maybe trying to get into a relationship with Kalim...isn't right at the moment. (Plus all their fear of rejection/vulnerability/ and inexperience when it comes to dating in general. Oh, and not to mention the feelings they're definitely not catching from some shut-in gamer boy too.) Still they don't really shake their crush completely until I'd say the near end of my fic The Diamond in the Rough and the Boy without a Fairy. (Which takes place between chapters 4 and 5 in game)

Though they still find things awkward around Kalim so that leads to them just kind of...avoiding him for a while. It's a lil shitty on their part but eventually Kalim notices and they both officially have a talk of sorts that clears the air in Chapter 5 (during the VDC training camp.) I do plan on writing it one day but right now I'm in the middle of writing other lore!

What are your OC’s minor fears?

SPIDERS, TALKING TO STRANGERS, TALKING ON THE PHONE. HEIGHTS, ADVANCED DARKNESS! FLOYD LURKING IN THE CORNER WITH THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE! (the usual) 20. What chapter does your OC get the most personal character development? @cyn-write asked this question too!

Definitely Chapter 3! I feel like in me and @bunnwich timeline so many things happen around that time.

The Ramshackle gang getting to know their respective love interests, Yuuta/Yuuhi getting their respective weapons, Yume snapping and going a little insane on how to plan and get back at Azul and showing that they're not just a shy goody goody. It just is a time when the brothers are starting to really feel like they understand and belong in Twisted Wonderland to a degree y'know?

ANYWAY SORRY THIS GOT SONG LONG! The muses possessed me.

[tactiletelekonesis]

gonna just ramble my thoughts for a bit

i was talking about how ive been asked to be evaluated for bpd in the past and got told by the doctor that i “dont want that stigma” and shut down before i could decide for myself if its worth it, and the person i was telling this to said they think i dont have it and like.

im kind of mad.

because im still getting to know this person and the more i think on it the more i know i at least have things that mimic the symptoms

and being told “i can tell you dont have it” feels like its diminishing the fact that i worry i do

and dont get me wrong i know the symptoms can be caused by other things but i would still like to know

and like the reason im thinking this is just… dirk strider from homestuck. ive been seeing people say hes textbook DID and i GET IT, i do, but i also really see bpd in him more. and i also see myself in him, though i dont have DID

i see his splinters and lil hal specifically as like. i can see how hal would be an alter, but lets not focus on that. hal is the epitome of a version of dirks self that he gets aggravated with, probably even hates because it reminds him of who he used to be, and to some extent whi he currently is.

if you look at the symptoms of bpd on mayo clinic, i could argue for all of them in dirk - and myself

and like. ive fucked up so many relationships because a flip switches in my head and im convinced they hate me or dont care, and people dont see that BECAUSE I FUCKING HIDE IT

I HID MY AUTISM FROM MYSELF AND OTHERS FOR 19 YEARS. MY PSYCHOSIS FOR 27. whos to say i havent been hiding bpd from people?

i already have dependent personality disorder but if you have one personality disorder youre more likely to have more

the reason people dont believe my struggles is i mask automatically and suffer inside because i dont know how to talk about how im suffering or even explain whats a mask and whats not

i keep going back to the time i was told “youre incapable of being mean” and the visceral reaction of wrongness i felt because i shut myself down so fucking much because the idea of upsetting others is so goddamn terrifying yet until i was 19 i would purposely make lists in my head of actual ways to ruin my friendships of i wanted to. like i would make full lists. just cataloguing all their insecurities so i could weaponize them. i never did because when i admitted to doing this when i felt safe i was told that was a dick move. and theyre right but it still fucking hurt because i dont do it on purpose. i dont.

im currently losing two of my best friends because my brain wont let me fucking talk to them because im simultaneously afraid theyre mad, and mad at them myself, and im sabotaging myself by not talking to them at all

i literally swing from thinking im worthless to thinking im a literal celestial being. i dissociate all the god damn time. im so fucking angry every second of my life

i would go into more detail about other symptoms but im making myself sad.

i dont care about the stigma i want validation for these symptoms and acknowledgement that i am extremely mentally ill at times and i just

i know they meant well but being told im not bpd by a newer friend who im still opening up to is frustrating. youre not my doctor, youre not me. how would you know? my doctor doesnt even know all my experiences because i dont know how to talk about them

im not sure if its the 4am talking or the stress from the roommate situation but like im thinking about bpd again. i think its worth looking into

anyway i cant believe im turning into a dirk kinnie but im not complaining

[found-wings]

omg heyyyyyyy guess who found their portable charger it's your girl o/

anyway

A̸̖̩͉̰̻͉̯̻̲̳̞̪͈̱͕̩̺̲̲̭̬̰̠̓͊̒̑Ǎ̴̢̧̢̻͎̩͍̦̰̯̞͕͚̖͙̲̱͍̜̩̪̘͗̎̊̾͂̀̎̀̚͠ͅA̴̭̾̏̽͊͒̈̓́̑̌͊̍͋̌̀̕̕͝Ą̴̧̛̜̼̬̫̜̹͓̖̬̞͈̟͇̜͒̎͌̓̏̋̄̊͂͑̔̐͒͑̚͝A̸̧̖̦̙̹̹̞͝Ǎ̷̡̨̛͎̫͎̫̩͓͆̂͂̀̽̏́̆́̚ͅA̵̡̡̧̧̡͖̺̜͈̗̻̥̝͈̣̻̜̭͆̎́̐̂͋̇̒͗̿̈̏͐̎͝Ȃ̷̢̻̣͕̲͓̞̳̙̫̼̤̘̞̈́͒͗̇̀̓̾́͆̓̅͛Ä̶̧̻̪̘̥̝̩̜̞̲͈̜̲̝̟́̏͛͆̔͌̍̏̊͌́̒̓̾̎̑̚A̸̡̢͈̳̮̮̪̮̋͂̽̒Ȁ̷̟̼͖̭̘͕̘͚̱̏́̽͛̅̋͘Ắ̸͔͎̝̗̬̣͔̗̟̱̤̜͙̠̲͎͂̋̌̃̓͗̅̊̊̓̏́͂́̍́̈́͂̕͠Ȧ̵̧̧̨͔͕͇͍̜̼̣̲͚̻̬͓̪̿͒̅̂͛̃̅̿͗̒̋͋͐͋̀̔́͊͑͝ͅĄ̵̞̬͈̮͕̝̭̞̹̰̭̜̦̥̞̠̱̐̅̆̍̓͋̋̂̓̒̓͐͂̈́̓͗̉A̸̧̪̪̣̲͓̦̣̰̯͖̿̾͝Ã̴̩̰͕̈́͜Ä̶̭̮̪̙́̀̊̚Ą̴̨̨̭̹͓̰̫̭̞͕̙͎̬̙̖̤̦̗̘̣͎̍̿̈́̉̋̂̈̌̔̐͌͋̈́̓̓̓̆̾͆̍̉͌͘͠ͅA̶̧̨̧̛̛̟̰̠̮̩̹̣̰͈͉̟̬̻̤̩̰͔͎̙̹̘͐̽̃͆̓̃̅͊̈̈́͑̉̔̕͘̕͝͝Ạ̶̤͎͕̙̱̱̯̩͔͚̣̲̲̯̠͎̓͆̆̓̍̄̃̓͐̐̒͂̐̒A̶̡͕̠̫͉̞͚̘̼̍̍̈́͂̀̍̚͠A̴̧̧̛̜̔̉̔̆͌̀͊͗̈́̔̍͌͑̾̔̓̍̍͛̑̂͘Ą̴̢̢̨̡͓̬̠͈͈̙̬͚̞͇̟͚̩̠͚͍̺̈́͗͊́́̐̔̚͝A̵̛̲̮̙͆́̑͑̍̚Ą̷̢̢̛͚̙̫͖̠̜̰̜̝̠̤̲̼̮͍̙̤͈̣̍̾̒͒̆͛̍̋̓̐̕ͅA̵͌̈́̄��̡̻͉͔Ą̷̧͉̤̞͈͇̬͚̙̲͔̭͖̗̞̤̠͎͍̺̬͉̩͆͐̃͛͂͒͌́̓̈́̋͒̎̕͝͝͝͝͝͝ͅA̶̧̝͓͕͚̿̔͝Ȃ̴̛̛̻̖̪̬͓̤̠̰̲̙̲̺͛̄̿̓̏̍̍͋̓͘͜͝͝͝͠A̶̢̡̠̟͉̣̞̘͐̏͂͒

ahem

okay let's get into this

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IM GONNA SCREAM EVEN HARDER IF YOU EVER SAY YOURE NOT THE BEST AT WRITING AGAIN I SAW THAT FIC POST AND FELT GOD HIMSELF TEAR MY HEART FROM MY CHEST AND SHOVE IT IN A BLENDER AND PRESS THE ON BUTTON LIVE IN REAL TIME OH MY GODDDDDDD THE FUCKING PAIN

scratching out the angry and replacing it for tired just causes me such visceral pain especially from someone like etoiles who is often seen on the server later at night and has even woken back up (canon explanations for him logging back in LMAO) just to join a fight the day of the maze and acted like it was nothing. so for something like this to tear him down and really exhaust him just omg CUCURUCHO WHEN I CATCH YOU 🖕🖕

"phil is s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ exhausted, and passed out" what if I cried hmm ???? what if I started sobbing right here and now ??????? also poor etoiles acknowledging that the federation definitely hasn't let phil rest a second while in their care while also sitting in a room that's a pure reminder of the fact that he can't even rest properly in his own home since there's no bed made for him there, and the one upstairs has been collecting dust for months so he stays on the floor with him and allows his leg to be a cushion for at least a single night of rest because it's better then that damn chair AAAAAAAA IM IN AGONY

and fit being the main person he texts ohhhhhhhhh how I care for the fit and phil friendship they're everything to me I wanna grab their cubitos and stuff them in a set of drums and play a song with them inside I love them sm. I can imagine that out of everyone, he'd be less surprised by the federation implanting what's basically conditioning training into phils head to make him go back to them in search for someone to fix him when things go wrong. I can't imagine that he's been in that anarchy wasteland for over a decade and hasn't seen his fair share of twisted people playing sick games on others similar to this. (and the pain of watching it happen to someone so close considering back there he wasn't used to making attachments before the server ohhhhhhhhhhhh withering in pain dies on the floor)

OH HOW I LOVE DULL EYES REPRESENTING A CHARACTER NOT BEING FULLY PRESENT IN THEIR MIND ITS LIKE CRACK TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

ALSO OOOOOOOOOO YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH FOR THAT LAST LINE KNOWING DAMN WELL THAT THIS WASNT THE LAST TIME PHIL WAS TAKEN OHHHHHHHHHHH NOT ONLY IS HE BEING TRUAMATIZED BUT SO IS ETOILESSSSS WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS HE JUST WANTS TO FIGHT IN HIS FUNKY DUNGEONS AND NOW HAS TO LIVE WITH THE CRUSHING GUILT OF LETTING ONE OF HIS FRIENDS SLIP RIGHT THROUGH HIS GRASP DUE TO THIS DAMN ISLANDS RINGLEADERS EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THIS IS HIS FAULT IM GONNA SOBBBBBBBBB

this was amazing mwah 10/10 talented brilliant incredible amazing showstopping spectacular this will feed my family and water my crops and clear my skin and AAAAAAAAAA THE PAIN codebreakers r everything to me - 💿

IQJDJAK I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM (LIE), WHEEZE

I absolutely adore putting in all of these little details from hinting at things, characters interacting with each other & their reactions and what these behaviours hint at and so much more and seeing that people NOTICE THEM??? AND HAVE THE SAME REACTIONS TO THEM THAT I HAD WHEN WRITING???? ME WHEN UEUEUEUEUE

The last line is so painful because you‘re so right, it‘s definitely not the last time Phil gets yoinked and I couldn‘t help myself because <333 angst of making silent promises you can’t keep <3333 IIQIQKQK

I‘m so tempted to make more small writings surrounding the Codebreakers in this au because M A N all these moments of just pure pain HITS HARD, Y‘KNOW???? Or even the situation I briefly touched upon in an earlier post between Phil & Forever or entirely different ones!!!

I have so many ideas RAAAH, but it‘s also getting late so I might push writing more to another day

[hummingbee-lievable]

Song of the Day #23:

'Sparrow' by Big Thief (released 2022).

Mama the scream of the eagle

Threading my heart through the needle

Threading the blood through the apple

Eve sucked the juice from the apple

Nakedly running I saw her

Boy chasing after to stall her

I wish I'd have spoken to call her

Before she found fabric to shawl her

Breasts bound and burdened with fiber

Adam came trembling beside her

And he said, he said

"She has the poison inside her

She talks to snakes and they guide her"

Track #6 on 'Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You'.

Fun fact: Adrienne Lenker (singer/songwriter) created this album name as a mantra for herself and her bandmates, to remind them of the beauty of things in their lives. Indeed, often her songs tend to focus on something small and simple; they remind us of where magic really is.

'"The first song on the record, 'Change' has that has that line, 'Would you live forever never die while everything around passes?'. The last song on the record 'Blue Lightning' is 'I want to live forever till I die'. And then 'Spud Infinity': 'when I say infinity, I mean now'.'*

Personal blurb: Okay, I've surprised myself today because really this song:

This is the one that, upon first hearing it, reached me exactly the way I needed it to. Not sure why I chose 'Sparrow', but maybe it's what I needed. I'll be honest: I'm not religious. I have personal issues that prevent me from seeing the concept as anything other than a cult at an institutional level (but I have no issue with it on a personal level, when friends are believers, it's just the administration as a whole and how it operates). So the concept of Adam and Eve isn't reeeaaaallyyy something I buy into. (There's also the whole not-trusting-in-the-concept-of-a-diety thing, but that's another novella. And I believe enough in Something, for me.) But I love the visceral imagery of these lyrics, and the concept that by eating the apple, she has the poison inside her. That we all do, now.

Really makes you think about the conceptual influence of religion and the imposition of that onto gender norms today, and the treatment of people born with female anatomy as a result of this story. Anyway. I don't need to go into all of that. You have plenty of angry relatives to have that conversation with; this is a safe space to just be you, no matter what you believe in.

The whole album is lovely, although it took me a while to love it. (You know how some songs are just like that? It's only on the 5th listen that you really start to get into it.) My tops from the album are: 'Change', 'Time Escaping', of course 'Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You' (which I've apparently typed enough times that my phone recognises what's happening as soon as I type 'Dragon'), 'Sparrow' and 'Dried Roses'. I honestly think this album isn't done with me yet, though.

I love the lines 'I believe in you/ even if you need to/ recoil'. Especially lately, I have not wanted to be touched. I recoil from it, quite literally. I used to be a very affectionate person and there is a part of me that craves it, but I just can't. Every time I'm touched my whole body just shuts down. But the person I'm with has been so understanding of it. And it's nice to know that beyond the frustration and guilt and shame and everything else that I'm still believed in, even when I need to recoil.

I love both the song and the album cover for the same reason: they're reminiscent of the magic I don't feel capable of recognising anymore.

When I was a kid, I think it was less magic that I was surrounded by and more possibility: that I might walk through a gap in the trees and enter a faerie ring, that if I was quiet enough and alone enough, forest people would find me and take me in and I would become one with the first. I fell in love infinitely and desperately in a nightly basis because I couldn't sleep unless I could pretend that I was falling asleep in someone's arms that really cared, and wanted to hold me as much as I wanted to be held.

That was magic, wasn't it? The limitless possibilities. Now, it seems that those possibilities are confined by logic and the weight that tends to settle on those that live long enough and hard enough. This song feels like a little tingle of magic in our everyday world. And the lyrics are sprinkled with reminders of the things we see daily and are lucky enough to enjoy. Neil Gaiman said, upon being asked if he believed in magic:

'I can write down a few words and make people thousands of miles away, whom I have never met and will never meet, laugh tears of joy and cry tears of true sorrow for people who do not exist and have never existed and never will exist. If that isn't actual literal magic I don't know what is.'

The concept of things being 'limitless' makes me think of this song by Dodie, called 'In The Middle'. You don't have to listen to the whole song to enjoy the monologue at the end, and the monologue at the end is so good that I may just copy/paste it here:

'Have you tried the cake? It's good. Maybe you're thinking: 'I've already eaten' or 'I want to dance later and don't want to feel bloated'. Maybe you're thinking: 'I'm on a diet'. But then, how many times will you be offered a piece of cake as delicious as this?Perhaps, two or three times a year, if you're lucky. Over the course of your life, maybe two hundred times. And how many times will you refuse? How many times will you go skinny dipping in the moonlight? Maybe seven, if you're lucky. How many times will you lie on your back in the grass and watch the stars? How many times will you let yourself be completely overwhelmed by the great inconceivable expanse of the universe. There are only so many chances to take. And of course, you don't know when it will end. So it all feels... limitless.'

We're surrounded by magic. We just have to look for it. What magic have you seen today?

Oh look! Squirrel! Hehe. For you, Guacker-Snacker. (Oh my gosh, because you eat guacamole, this is so accurate hehe. Your nickname just reached new levels.)

*Reference:

[myfairkatiecat]

Hm. Okay. Lots of stuff going on in this post. By now, everybody already knows that I am well aware that Keefe is manipulative and it’s part of my enjoyment of his character, but there’s a whole lot else to unpack here too, and I’m not about to comb through all of it. But here’s some thoughts.

The only thing I have a strong, visceral reaction to in this post—the only thing I disagree with so badly I might actually throw something—is the idea that Keefe “doesn’t deserve all the sympathy he gets” excuse you. Yes we should ask how the other characters are doing more often. Yes the books should have more focus on the other character’s issues. You don’t have to diminish Keefe’s to do that. The fact that the books spend way more time fleshing out his trauma and sympathizing with him for it than anyone else doesn’t give anyone the right to say that trauma is less valid. It’s not the trauma Olympics. We don’t have to take away our sympathy for keefe’s situation in order to gain sympathy for other characters.

The best sentence by anyone on this post in my opinion: “i've noticed that chronically low self-esteem comes hand-in-hand with a strange sort of narcissism- people like keefe believe that they are too damaged or “bad" to be helped and that they will be putting their loved ones in danger by letting them help. unfortunately, this results in them causing more damage, but they can't necessarily see it because they think they're doing the right thing.”

^that right there is part of why I love Keefe. It’s not cause he’s an awesome guy with great character who’s always being great. It’s because he’s flipping complex. Yeah, Shannon could stand to flesh out the other characters a little more, but I don’t have to stop enjoying a character she has made quite complex in order to acknowledge that. And the reality is, he actually does have his good moments. He has those times where he really proves how much he cares. But boy oh boy is that kid messed up (using the word kid on purpose—I’d like to once again remind everyone that this is a CHILD who is a PRODUCT OF HIS CIRCUMSTANCES) and everything backfires consistently.

Honestly? I’m hoping in 9.5 he learns something major that he’s keeping from Sophie in stellarlune, and I hope it puts a strain on their relationships and his other friendships as well. I’m a huge sokeefe shipper for sure, but I need them to have a fight before they’re endgame, and also go to therapy but that won’t happen lol. I need Keefe to have that moment where he not only realizes how much he’s hurt his friends (he knows. He literally knows. Read his hecking 8.5 diary entries, that kid knows how much he’s hurt his friends, and he’s in a really, really bad pattern that he needs to break, and he just doesn’t know any other way to be. His survival instincts aren’t healthy.) but also in addition to realizing that finds a way to break from the cycle. I don’t want it to be a sudden switch—he’s struggling and the road to healing will be a struggle as well.

I think it’s not a matter of “excusing keefe’s actions” or “holding keefe accountable,” but rather “acknowledging the way keefe’s circumstances have made him into the person he is, and hoping for him to find healing and healthier coping mechanisms and instincts.” And I truly, truly mean that. Whether you’re like me and are just giddy at the way his character is written (all the delicious little layers. The trauma. The baggage. The way he’s always running. The way he’s subtly manipulative. The way he knows he’s hurting people he loves and doesn’t want to hurt people he loves but can’t stop. Won’t stop.) or are just flat out annoyed with his page time, I think we should all be able to agree that a character who is hurting others from a place of having been hurt is someone to be sympathized with, even without excusing their actions. Someone we should hope heals. Someone we definitely shouldn’t say “doesn’t deserve” the pity that he gets, just because his issues lead to him causing more issues (which is a realistic thing! That’s like! Often how trauma works! Especially in abuse victims!!)

Anyway that’s my take on all this. I’m not going to parade through here with a picket sign with a collage of Pinterest posts on it that say “Keefe is perfect!” “Keefe is the best boyfriend!” “Keefe is awesome, Fitz should die!” or even “Keefe is a good person!” If I have any signs, they say one thing: “Keefe is a child. Keefe has gone through trauma. Keefe is a product of his circumstances. Hopefully Keefe is able to one day heal and become a better person for it, with the help of his friends and those who care about him.” And honestly? Love him or hate him, enjoy rotating it in your brain or totally sick of hearing about it, those things are true.

@ase-worm-on-a-fandom @the-way-astray <-wanted to see my response to this post

Why do you hate keefe so much??

Let’s see:

Keefe is a reckless, impulsive individual who endangers his friends on a regular basis. Couple this with his stubbornness and inability to be dissuaded from going through with his foolish plans, and he becomes a liability. Yes, he was dissuaded from going to Ravagog - but look at everything else he’s done that he wasn’t able to be dissuaded from doing. Sophie couldn’t stop him from joining the Neverseen, couldn’t stop him from going back to the Neverseen in Lodestar, couldn’t stop him from fighting King Dimitar, couldn’t stop him from going to Loamnore - and now he’s running off to the human world (his stupidest and most reckless decision yet, BTW).

Keefe has promised to change every time - and yet he doesn’t. He continues his reckless exploits, putting everyone in danger - and creating problems that they’re still cleaning up to this day.

Keefe is also extortive and manipulative - he uses his empathy very dubiously; he uses it to get Sophie to tell him things that she wouldn’t normally tell him; he uses his empathy to get into things he normally wouldn’t be let into. In Nightfall, he uses his empathy to get Sophie to tell him about her kissing Dex - something she doesn’t want to do. I haven’t read Exile in a while, but I’m mildly sure that he used his empathy to get his way onto that Alicorn ride. If not, ignore that. I would hate him anyway. He uses his ability as a lie detector to worm information out of both Sophie and Fitz - in Legacy, he uses it (without Fitz’s permission) to figure out why Fitz was working with Lord Cassius. That’s my number one reason for thinking that empathy needs to be regulated like Telepathy or Beguiling.

He suffers no consequences for his actions. All of his reckless actions don’t even earn him a slap on the wrist. He compromised Alluveterre, blew up an office in Foxfire, and went back to the Neverseen in Lodestar - all of which he isn’t disciplined for at all because he did it “for Sophie” and he has “daddy and mommy issues” and so is let off the hook with a promise to change (which he doesn’t). He also gave a gift to Sophie (no, that doesn’t make up for it) and mood candy for everyone else. Mood candy is something you give for finals and midterms, not apologizing for joining a terrorist organization. He shows little regret for these actions, partly because he’s never reprimanded for these actions. Compare this to Fitz, who’s still apologizing for Exile - despite Sophie already forgiving him for that.

He ultimately is just a pity and sympathy magnet, allowing him to get away with his terrible decisions and attract more pity and sympathy.