#the fact that both of those lines made me laugh super hard??

[itspanzee]

I hate that ever since I've finished Shelter I have 2 Spoon lines that are living actively in my head.

1. "I'm like a fucking teddy bear, I mean like somebody stuff me."

2. "Come on, let's do a bit of humping."

[ajbullet]

My thoughts on episode 1 and 2 of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: (spoilers)

- The ACCURACY of the little Percy casting was unbelievable. They look identical.

- The SARCASM 🫶🏻👌🏻

- I’ve never been able to connect with Sally Jackson as a mother-figure in the books just because of my own rocky relationship with my mom, but the way she’s played really made me believe in her character and her love for Percy. It gives PERCY’s character more grounding and their relationship really drives the show.

- Sally just sitting in the rain with Olivia Rodrigo playing. Mood.

- “You fell in love…with Jesus?”

- The friction and “betrayal” between Percy and Grover was super interesting to see and I’m really glad they touched on that more than in the books

- I’ve been pronouncing Brunner wrong. Dam.

- Sally saying goodbye to Percy, knowing she was probably going to die 😭. Percy screaming for her.

- the Minotaur fight was awesome

- “YOU DROOL WHEN YOU SLEEP” Omg I can’t believe she said it. Leah’s delivery was different than how I imagined it but I loved it. She’s so matter-of-fact

- Again, I’ve always struggled with connecting with Luke’s character just because I felt like he was a little two-dimensional in the first book and then after that, you know, he’s evil and while I understood his motivations, I just didn’t really…care? Idk but his portrayal really helped me understand the depth of his betrayal and just how heartbreaking his story really is. I already love him more than I’ve allowed myself to from the books

- “She’s my little sister” I love their relationship while it lasts. Seeing how close they are really adds to the layers of both of their characters

- I’ve also been pronouncing Thalia wrong. Double dam.

- THE BLUE CANDY. PERCY BURNING IT NOT TO TALK TO HIS DAD BUT HIS MOM. That scene broke my heart.

- Leah. As. Annabeth. I’m going to be completely honest, Ive loved Leah from everything I’ve seen about her but I was nervous just because of how precious of a character Annabeth Chase has always been to me and I didn’t know if ANYONE, not specifically Leah, could live up to those expectations but omg I love her. Her bluntness. Her facial expressions. Her voice and delivery. Her sure movements and confidence and self-assuredbess that has come from success after success and training for so long. The way she is so unashamed to admit to using Percy and only watching him to see what he could do for HER. In her short amount of screen time so far, Leah was able to add layers to this character I’ve loved for so long that I didn’t even know where there. I never wanted her to leave the screen. My only complaint is that she didn’t have more lines. She is my Annabeth Chase. She’s not from the books. She’s not from the movies. She’s her own version and she stole the show.

- Luke saying Annabeth has a plan and that Percy will know what to do, only for PERCY TO BE FLOSSING AND PEEING AND PETTING GECKOS and trying so hard not to drive himself crazy with his ADHD and having nothing to do. I genuinely laughed out loud. Might be my favorite part.

- the fight scenes are so well choreographed.

- CLARISSE. She’s too pretty. I can’t hate her. And her ELECTRIC SPEAR. When it broke and she screamed, I got chills.

- The trident.

- Annabeth KNOWING Percy was Poseidon’s before anyone else cause she’s “always 6 steps ahead”

- People already keeping such important info from Percy “for his own good”

- “You are Poseidon’s son” “No, I am Sally Jackson’s son!” Might just be my favorite line. It’s so true. She raised him. She sacrificed everything for him. She loved him and cared for him and taught him that he wasn’t broken, he was singular, a miracle. She died so that he could live.

- Sally Jackson is parenting goals

- The way Percy instantly changed his decision to go to the underworld as soon as Grover told him his mom could be saved. Their relationship is unmatched

- Walker Scobell is already pretty well known, but I have a really good feeling his popularity is going to skyrocket after this show. He is such an amazing, dedicated actor. I know exactly what he is felling 100% of the time.

Overall, I absolutely loved it. In two episodes it’s become a comfort show that I can’t wait to continue watching!!

[mossy-rock-in-a-field]

My Elderly Mother Plays Baldur's Gate: Part 3

(For those who missed it, my mom is having me play Baldur's Gate for her because she's not good with controllers but she still wants to smooch Gale, set things on fire, and see the story. For Part 1 and 2 of her adventure, click here.)

Yesterday my mom wrapped up Wyrm's Crossing and finally made it to the Lower City. I told her that this is the part of the game where the decisions start getting a little harder and morally grey, but she didn't really believe me. Eheheheh.

Here's how Act III is going for her:

Something I forgot to mention in my previous post is that my mom reads every line of Tav’s dialogue out loud so she can pretend like she’s actually conversing with the characters. I have to time the dialogue selections so the NPCs respond to her at just the right time for immersion purposes. She gets a kick out of it.

Upon finding a sachet of silkroot in a smuggler’s cave and being informed it was essentially drugs, her first question was: "Can we sell these drugs?" I asked her where this energy was when I was a teenager, and she said, "The economy of Baldur's Gate needs to be supported." We did, in fact, sell the drugs.

She always stops to talk to Withers and recite “fate spins along as it should” in a silly voice. She also does Withers’ little hand gesture with it because she thinks it’s funny. We both say it together now. It's not relevant, I just think it's precious.

I asked her if she plans on killing Gortash to save Halsin from Orin but she said, “Sacrifices need to be made, dear. Desperate times!” (I guarantee she'll try to save Halsin anyway; she really likes him, but she's super scared of Orin. Probably why she's toying with the idea of killing Orin first.)

I wish I could describe the face she made when THAT scene with the Emperor showed up. It was somewhere between horror and blatant confusion. I honestly couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard. (She turned him down, obviously.)

She has made a pros and cons list in her Baldur's Gate journal for both Gortash and Orin. So far, Gortash is winning because my mom really dislikes Orin and thinks she's spooky. I honestly have no idea who she'll kill first at this point.

My mom had Astarion rob the donation box beneath the Stormshore Tabernacle (which contained our fucking donations so idk if it’s robbing or just taking back our stuff). However, she got the “castigated by divinity” curse, and when Shadowheart removed the curse at camp, a big celestial popped out of Astarion and proceeded to murder Gale in his tent. My mother was very distraught; I was crying laughing.

We left off at Lorroakan's office last night; my mom is coming back over today so she can watch Dame Aylin break his bitch body in half and do a bunch of other stuff.

I'll keep you guys updated on her crimes!

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

(Queen Adam AU Part 11)

*Princess Avery Morningstar woke up and threw her hands over her mouth so she wouldn’t scream, she recently had nightmares where she was in a realm of darkness and she saw him, the Radio Dream with his evil grin waiting to tell her what she wanted from him, she slid out of bed because she wanted some hit chocolate, she made her way downstairs, she was growing to be quite beautiful, the only traits she shared with her biological father were gold antlers that she could control the size of and gold deer like hooves, other than that, she looked like her mother, in fact her and Lyra looked the most like their beautiful mother, she walked into the kitchen and used her shadow powers to make a mug of hot chocolate*

Adam: Would you mind making me some too?

*Avery turned around and saw Adam, the Queen of Hell and her mother, she loved her mother so much and she wanted to be so much like him in every way, Adam never hated Avery for the fact that the Radio Demon forced himself upon Adam to make Avery*

Adam: Are you having a nightmare sweetie?

Avery: I am just having a hard time falling asleep, I have a lot on my mind.

Adam: I understand that feeling.

*the pair sat together as the shadows made hot chocolate for them*

Avery: How was your recent vacation to Earth with dad?

*even if she was biologically Alastor’s child, to Avery, Lucifer Morningstar, the King of Hell and Adam’s husband was her father in the way that mattered*

Adam: Crazy, but also fun. I got to beat up an annoyance from my days in Heaven.

*both Adam and Avery laughed, Adam was always able to make the young princess laugh, the shadows put the mugs of hot chocolate in front of them and they enjoyed it*

Adam: My compliments to your shadows, they make a really good cup of hot chocolate.

Avery: The fact that I have shadow powers like him doesn’t make you scared?

Adam: No, Alastor having shadow powers wasn’t what made him evil, it was having a dark heart. You don’t have a dark heart.

*Avery threw her arms around Adam, their wings wrapping around each other, Avery’s black angel wings and Adam’s black angel wings with threads of gold in them*

Avery: I know I am too old to ask this, but can I still sleep with you and dad tonight?

Adam: You are never too old to ask that. Your brother Cain still asked to sleep with me and Eve when he was your age when he had trouble sleeping.

Avery: Really?

Adam: Just don’t tell him that, be likes his reputation as a tough guy.

*Adam picked up Avery without any effort since he was such a tall and strong man, he carried her in his arms like she was still a little girl, she buried her face in his shoulder smiling at the rich earthy smell he naturally had since he was made from the dust of the Earth, Adam walked into his room, Lucifer was in bed looking over official royal documents*

Adam: Avery is having a hard time sleeping so she will be sleeping why us tonight.

Lucifer: Of course.

*Lucifer smiled as he moved the sheets so Adam could get into bed while still holding Avery*

Adam: Sweet dreams sweetie.

Avery: Goodnight mom, goodnight dad.

*Avery fell asleep hoping that the presence of her mom and dad would keep the nightmares away from her*

In Avery's dream, everything was starting out just fine. This was a dream she had had in the past about ruling Hell when her turn came.

She knew in reality that it would be a super long while before she would even be able to do so, her eldest sister Charlie was first in line and then her other older siblings Lyra Lydia and Luke.

But here in her dreams, she could pretend to rule all of Hell as their Queen. And all the good she could do for her people.

Alastor: Why wait?

Avery gasped and turned to see the man that was her biological father. She had only seen the odd picture of him and even those were grainy and distorted.

He was tall and wore an all red suit. But the was mixed with pieces of his shadow self making everything on him look more black than red. His antlers were large and black they held no light

His eyes were the most haunting. The only form of any light in them was the symbol of a radio dial in those black soulless eyes. His smile creeped her out as it was too large for his face.

Avery: Go away.

Alastor: Aww, sweet Avery is that anyway to speak to your father?

Avery: Lucifer is my dad!

Alastor: Without me you wouldn't exist! You owe me.

Avery backed away from him: I.....

Alastor tilted his head to the side in such a creepy way, as if his creep factor couldn't get any higher.

Alastor: Oh Avery, you really should smile more my dearest daughter. You're never fully dressed without one

He held up a needle with glowing green thread, Avery's eyes widened.

Alastor: Let daddy fix you.

-

Avery shot up in bed screaming her hands flying to her face to stop the phantom pains from the needle from touching her.

Adam: Avery! Sweetheart open your eyes!

Lucifer: Sweetie open your eyes!

Avery: NO! GET OFF ME! I DON'T WANT IT!!

Avery finally opened her eyes and cried in relief that she was with her mom and true dad again. She sobbed in Adams arms.

Adam looked at Lucifer, their baby was having nightmares and they didn't know how to help her.

[thedeviltohisangel]

FOR A FORTNIGHT THERE WE WERE

A little something about Evelyn and Callum at the screening in LA last weekend xoxo

“Do you want to go to the Dodgers game tomorrow night?” Ev had been daydreaming out the window of the Escalade currently taking them to a screening and reception of Masters of the Air.

“Sure that’d be fun.” He held her hand in between them and brought it to his lips.

“You feeling ok? You’ve been quiet the whole ride.”

“Just preemptively tired. I have to fly to New York Monday morning for the premiere.” More and more recently she had just wanted to cocoon herself in blankets at their home, wherever that may be, and never leave. She hoped it wasn’t another bout of depression rearing its ugly head. “I’ve just been feeling a little different lately. Like I’m back in the same headspace I was before we started filming. I don’t know. I can’t explain it.” While he hadn’t known her well before Masters of the Air, he had only met her a few times at parties, he had known she was not herself that first day of their chemistry read.

“You’ve been super fucking busy between press for dragon and press for this and the fact that you insist you can try to be in New York and Scotland in the same day-“ that got a smile across her face “-maybe your body is just telling you it needs to rest a little bit.”

“You forgot that I’m the best girlfriend ever and have been flying to Vancouver every chance to see you,” she teased. “Please add that to your list.” Callum laughed and threw his arm around her should to pull her in close.

“I love you. Wouldn’t want you any other way but want you to take care of yourself. If you need a break, you need a break.” But breaks meant silence and Evelyn had never really been good in the silence.

“Having you back in LA this weekend is kind of like a break.” They’d spent the day lounging in bed before walking Golo to a farmers market, buying flowers and bagels and plants for the herb garden Evelyn had started tending to in their back yard. No one had stopped them for selfies and if people were taking photos, she hadn’t bothered to notice. It had felt good and normal to hold his hand and live her life if only for a few hours.

“You made me pinky promise to still spend every weekend with you while filming!” She giggled as the car pulled up to the curb to drop them off, her publicist, assistant and representatives from the Apple PR department waiting to greet them.

“I did and so far that’s meant me going to Canada and not the other way around. So technically I only encumbered myself with that one.” The longer they were together, the more horrible being apart felt. They were both committed to not letting distance get the best of them during the busiest year of their life. Every weekend one of them was on a plane to go be with the other. They were two halves of the same whole and wouldn’t survive if kept apart. “Hi Tracy,” she greeted as Callum held her hand to help her out of the car.

“Hi you two.” Evelyn wrapped her in a hug and then gripped his hand tightly as he led them in the direction of the party. She made sure to wave to fans that had collected on the sidewalk and posed for some photos from afar as they held their phones up. “Let’s make sure you get an individual shot with all the other actors here for from the other shows and then we can do all the cast group shots at once, okay?” Ev nodded as she took a welcome drink and smiled, a line of people already forming to talk to her and try and snap a selfie for their social media. She greeted all of them with a practiced ease that had them feeling like they were the only person in the world with her for those few moments. It was a skill that she had honed early in her career and had fared her very well.

“I got to go check on that handsome lad over there but I’ll find you after!” She kissed Maya Rudolph’s cheeks and did her best to not get pulled aside too many times on her way to Callum.

“Must be hard to be so popular,” Gary teased as Ev hugged him tightly.

“Can’t take you anywhere,” Cal mumbled as he leaned down to kiss her. She smiled against his lips and used her hand on his neck to keep him there for an extra peck.

“I can’t hide when I’ve got a bean stalk following me around so I might as well embrace the attention.” Gary laughed, her arms wrapping around Callum’s waist and cheek resting on his chest.

“You two are so good together. I take all the credit.” Gary had been there when they’d met at the chemistry. Had watched the infatuation only increase from that moment forward. Not so subtlety, Evelyn noticed his eyes flicker to her bare ring finger and deflate a little. “I’m going to go make sure everything’s set in the theater. I’ll see you both in there.” She kissed his cheek in farewell and Cal offered him a one handed hug.

“You good? Need another drink?” Evelyn shook her head and rested her chin on her chest so she could look up at him.

“I love you. Just happy to be here with you. Happy that we can keep celebrating this show that brought us together.” He dropped a kiss to her nose.

“I love you even more, how about that?” It earned him a giggle as she turned to remove herself from his embrace, Callum kissing the top of her head as she sighed.

“I’ve got a few more people to get photos with before Tracy yells at me. I’ll find you before the cast photos.”

“Love you, baby.” An arm around her shoulders pulled her back into his orbit so he could kiss her again.

“Love you, Cali Wali.” He blushed at the little nickname she normally saved for the privacy of one of their homes. “Handsome when you blush.”

“Good thing you think so cause I seem to do it a lot around you.” She almost let it slip that she hoped their future kids inherited his propensity for handsome blushing. But she bit her tongue just in time. Since their pregnancy scare a couple weeks ago, Evelyn hadn’t been able to stop thinking about a baby. Like the moment in time where it might have been true had opened a door inside of her. There was still no strong desire in her bones to get married again but now there was one to become a mother. To share in that honor with the man in front of her. “Where’d you go, Ev?” He furrowed his brows and brushed some hair from her cheek.

“Sorry. Just thinking for a minute. I’ll see you in a little bit.” With a final kiss to his cheek, she was off before he could reel her back in. She didn’t know how to broach the conversation. Didn’t know how he’d react to her rejection of his attempts at proposing but her desire to have a child. Would he feel confused? Betrayed? Like he couldn’t have what he wanted but was expected to give her what she wanted? Her hand shook as she made her way towards Karen and Josiah with a smile. The more distractions, the better.

-

Anthony gave her the loudest kiss on the cheek she had ever received and Evelyn giggled at the tickling sensation.

“Missed you, pretty girl,” he smiled as she hugged him and the cameras snapped endlessly.

“Anto, what the fuck is on your face?” she teased as she poked the facial hair.

“Swoon all you want.”

“Bel and I show up looking like ladies, Cal and Nate even shaved for this and you brought that.” Cal rested his arm around her shoulders and her hand reached up to twine their fingers together.

“You loved the mustache when Cal had it!”

“Not a great argument,” Bel cautioned.

“Okay let’s gather round and smile at the camera.” They all set their laughing aside to smile professionally, Evelyn not allowing Callum to move his hand, her arm around his waist where she stood on the end. Fully in his embrace exactly where she liked to be.

“Everyone make sure you come to the screening. Evelyn will be giving a speech!” Anthony announced to laughs from the crowd and a loving roll of Evelyn’s eyes.

“I’ll give one to spare you the pain, baby,” Callum offered.

“I’m claiming the Emmy speech, Anthony. And you won’t be mentioned if you keep up this behavior.” Anthony stuck his tongue out as she chased after him towards the theater. Everyone laughing at their sibling banter the entire way.

“Don’t let that one go.” Callum looked over at Gary.

“I’m trying my best,” he joked back. “Doesn’t get any better than her. Than this.”

He caught her gaze over her shoulder as she looked to make sure he was coming up behind her. Yeah. This. This was once in a lifetime.

[sidecharactersdomatter]

Thoughts I had during TGCF S2 Ep 2

Also watching this while sketching now here we go!

Previously on TGCF… 

-And starting off at the Gambler’s Den!

-Hey you’ve heard the old saying, “It costs an arm and a leg” I think this fits perfectly for the red demon masked gambler

-Hey! No getting sweat on the gambling table!

-Hua Cheng: No Thanks~ *fans myself with a hand*

-Yeah those are the best house policies San Lang

-Man, the loop braided ghost assistant is literally all of us fawning over Hualian amirite? (that Ghost maiden is going places!)

-This den operates on Hubris Logic

-Stop decreasing your child’s lifespan!

-Now Roll!  That just made think of DND, I dunno why

-Those dice weren’t loaded (Anybody seen Road to El Dorado 10/10 totes recommend)

-Worst dad I’ve ever seen and he’s just a gambling NPC

-Hehehe Just imagine Toph in the Gambler’s Den (For those anticipating The Scrap Immortal and the Avatar, I’m afraid that’s going to be a scene that won’t come to fruition, really sry readers)

-“It’s despicable, and that’s coming from a ghost like me” that was a really great quote ngl

-Kinda hard to accomplish since you were talking to a ghost

-Yep prolly the worst Dad I’ve ever seen in all of TGCF

-Hi Rouye

-Hi Windmaster

-Honestly, the reason they have Qingxuan switch from Male to female in this season is that from a Union Standpoint, they had to allow Anjali Kunapaneni dub other series while Jacob Eiseman took over and vice versa.  That’s just my theory, I’m not sure if it might be true.

-Aw, he’s worried over his complexion

-Man, Xie Lian’s expression shifts as he inspects Qinqxuan’s complexion.  I love that little attention to detail in the animation.

-And then Qingxuan happily exclaims while putting both hands on his cheek was 100% precious!

-“If I were a mirror where would I be” they have the best lines of this Season 2 so far!

-Wind Master laugh is clearing my pores

-Hi Qianqiu, Hi Mengyou

-Not so smart to me

-All the ghosts have really unique and distinct designs (it’s that kind of uniqueness I’m trying so hard to capture in my TOH Oc murder mystery au)

-“Aw man!  What was his number!  Not cool Taihua!” - Literally every ghost in the Gambler’s den, and also me.

-Well, you’re not wrong, Qianqiu

-Hehehe the double facepalm XD

-Not the brightest candle on the altar

-Let’s face it, we all lost it during Hua Cheng soft chuckle!

- He noticed the laugh!

-Man the background ghost voices are on point

-And I’m like at Qingxuan, “You didn’t read the signs?” Does anybody other than the ghosts, read the signs???

-“He might be fine if he doesn’t reveal who he is” Qianqiu: *reveals who he is* Too soon dude

-That blue masked ghost woman sure has sass

-That blue beaked ghost also has a cool design tho

-Don’t mind me just fanning myself whenever Hua Cheng speaks cause it gives me the vapors~!

-The fact that they thought the same thing!

-No not the gambling table!  

-Woah he sent it right back!

-This is infinitely better than the live action martial acts films I’ve seen in my whole life

-It’s like a stake raising tennis match

-That glow in his eyes

-He’s going Super Saiyan

-That animation really did get better

-“He’s stuck up there!” My comment: “Like a fly on fly paper” My sister’s comment: “Like an idiot on idiot paper” lmao

-Yep just point and laugh ghosts, point and laugh

-You mean from bad to worse

-I told you Ghost City’s the Las Vegas of Ancient China, told ya~

-A new table!

-You’re not wrong on luck

-Snake eyes is even worse

-“Like I said, biggest is so overdone!  Crazy idea, what if smallest wins? Sound fun?”  Qingxuan is spitting bars in the dub people!

-They’re just gonna believe that from two newcomers?

-Xie Lian, internally chanting: “Small…small…small…” His cursed and horrible misfortune: LOL nope :3

-Not your fault for looking like a snack Qianqiu

-Wait till you see the fandom, Taihua

-Alright, hat got Hua Cheng enticed

-Literally everybody witnessing a man in white robes desperately shake a pair of dice: Is…that guy ok?

-His smile widened!

-“I can’t watch!”  I can and it’s gonna be something!

-Oh he sees a lot in that raggedy jerk than you do right now buddy

-“What’s there to teach about shaking dice?  It’s just shakin dice!”  The best random quote of this episode, and the tone when that side character said it!

-“And you’re the expert!” He got sassed back

-*Hears Hong Lian Qian starting up like* Aw yeah, the best song of the new season! *Vibes out with writing and sketching like no tomorrow*

-Dude! Pass me the Aux cord!  You better not be playing mainstream garbage!  *Casually plays Hong Lian Qian like a G!*  WOO!!!

-There he is, just a red transparent curtain keeps them apart, also Hua Cheng’s status but let’s not get ahead of ourselves

-The wind animation!!!, and Wind master’s not even summoning it

-Literally when my older sister first saw this scene she was like: It’s the pottery scene from Ghost

-He rolled an 11!

-If my underaged TGCf OCs witness the infamous dice scene like in season 2, Qing Tao and Chun Xue(both 12) look up to their older friends: “..ssShould we be listening to this?”  And then Lan Hai and Nuan Yu (both 14) frantically respond with covering their younger friends’ ears: “…pProbably best if we played it safe.” (Quotes are from an episode of Close Enough) heck I can imagine the Gaang reacting like this witnessing the dice shaking too, just swap Qing Tao and Chun Xue with Aang and Toph, and Lan Hai and Nuan Yu with Sokka and Katara, (Zuko would also try to cover the Southern Water Tribe Sibs’ ears, but this hypothetical scene also won’t happen in my TGCF x ATLA xover, now back to the reaction!)

-The singing really is timed well with the animation!  10/10 baby!

-“You see, it’s bigger now” …I got the joke

-“It’s starting to feel like San Lang is just teasing me” Oh yes he is~

-They’re chucking their dice at him!

-It’s a 10!

-“Now I’m sure San Lang is just teasing me”  Told ya~

-The chibi scene!

-Welp, looks like those rolls were just practice rolls

-You gotta love Xie Lian’s internal monologue

-Qingxuan chucked his fan at Taihua, and it came back like Sokka’s boomerang (I had to make that reference!)

-That tapir/baku headed Ghost

-It’s a 12, and it timed well with the rising crescendo!

-That one monkey like ghost

-Right on the gambling table!

-Did he cheat?

-The music change!!!  The soundtrack team knew what they were doing!

-“Who cares it’s gorgeous!  He’s so handsome I think I might just die right here!”  “What are you talking about?  You’re already dead!”  That was a really great exchange!

-And he is seeing his real face!

-“Please my lord don’t tease me!”  Oh yes he will~!

-Now the ghosts are suspicious it took em like half an episode!

-Hey guys I think we’re all gonna get a kick outta this, “The stale half eaten bun from Ep 5 was in Xie Lian’s sleeve the whole time!”  I’ve always wanted to quote that, and it was totally worth it!

-Man, I can’t wait to write Aang’s reaction seeing Xie Lian and Hua Cheng interact together!

-“Um, I’m afraid it’s gotten a bit hard” Yep, they slipped that in, and James was a boss at writing the whole english script for the season

-He tosssed the bun up and down like San Lang did with a small piece of a broken sword in S1 Ep 6, the parallels people!  The parallels!!!

-And him biting the stale bun got XL all flustered! AAAHH!!!

-Look at him go!

-Not that random stand, wait it’s still in tact

-Slay that performance Qingxuan!

-Chide him good!

-And Xie Lian’s still does a great job as a strategizer and a mediator

-The introduction that would change the season forever, also Qingxuan’s emotion shift when it came to describing his new friend’s current occupation with collecting scraps as a living

-He knew San Lang was Hua Cheng?!?!?!

-Hua Cheng is messing with them!

-They’re using him as bait!

-Oh yeah, that’s right, they’re friends

-Geez savage, Wind master

-Hey, no dissing Ling Wen she’s doing her best!

-Gone from Season 1 eps 2-3 and Ling Wen still couldn’t find him???

-Welp, there’s the cliffhanger

Does this reaction count for Hua Cheng’s B-Day?  More reactions will be on the way, I’ve got 3 weeks left of my quarter and I’ve got two big projects to finish so hang tight everyone!

[captmickey]

Noticing the “Open” sign on your shop, I mosey in to talk.

- Favourite act of Three Adventurers?

- The secrets to bear in mind when mapping out a comic page?

- Creativity is most fun when ________.

- Share a behind the scenes moment from your art/writing. (I blank out if asked questions like this, but maybe one will come to mind while answering another question?)

- If you were a fan creating a favourite quotes page from your works, what would be some of the quotes you’d collect?

-How far can Link’s ears toggle? What is the range of those things?

(Pick and choose any of the above!)

1 - Favourite act of Three Adventurers? Ooooh... hmm, I feel like it'll change as I go further down the line, but so far it's a tie between acts 5 and 7. Five because it forced me to get creative with how to distinguish the boys when they're one person (and I'm sorry, but I love Effie so much and I miss her as well as Giggle). Seven because I really did try to do better with pacing, I got to explore more with Guybrush within 3adv, how all of ya'll reacted towards Mako (and me clapping my hands like a seal with each week), and because I FINALLY got to do the cool action shot I've been dying to do since I started 3adv- which was Graham shooting the ice arrow as he's shot out of the water.

2 - The secrets to bear in mind when mapping out a comic page? DO. NOT. CLUTTER. LESS IS MORE. I have to scream that at myself and then go "Can this panel, if it's not working for the page, be pushed to the next page? Does it add anything? Can it be scrapped? Can a different panel be scrapped or even merged?" and go from there. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I try to make my panels cohesive and not a jumble of too many panels. Also reeeeeeeally helps to have the speech bubbles easy to follow and lead the eye. I read it somewhere once and it kinda lived in my head ever since.

3 - Creativity is most fun when ________. When you do it for yourself. I know it's more appealing and even rewarding when others respond or give feedback (I'd be a liar if I didn't admit of being guilty of wanting it), but it's super important and critical and even liberating when you create things for yourself first. I read somewhere, I think it was Alex Hirsch or Rebecca Sugar (or both and I'm combining the two) how when they made their shows, they did it as a something that they wanted to see and refused to budge for the fans, so I take that to heart when I make things. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, it might even anger or frustrate or have them throw a fit how it's not what they want... but when I'm making things for myself, it becomes way more fun and I don't feel so pressured. I even might surprise myself with what I'm able to pull off and that, as a creator, is so much fun.

4 - Share a behind the scenes moment from your art/writing. I have too many, ha ha. But one in particular was how I recently broke out of a writer's block of sorts of Act 8 of 3adv. Mainly I was on my way to work and honestly it was just.... a very ridiculous Looney Tunes-esqe kind of scenario with Guybrush that made me burst out loud in the car that I had to share with my sister (she is the only one that knows the entire spoiler for all of 3adv and tragically the one I bombard for feedback) and she, bless her so much, slam-dunked with an even dumber idea that made us both laugh super hard and things began to click so perfectly that I got to writing again after um... actively avoiding it. So when the act drops, and you see a joke that seems almost TOO cartoonish.... I apologize in advance.

5 - If you were a fan creating a favourite quotes page from your works, what would be some of the quotes you’d collect? You're really making me go through my works aren't ya? Ha ha, lets see.... off the top of my head that is posted and not, y'know, a WIP. From Act 7: The pirate’s jaw tightened slightly before he gave a smile that dripped with venomous resentment. “I did, actually. In fact, I’d say I thought it rather well considering you were more focused on beating me up both physically AND emotionally! Wow, who’d a thought a simple pirate such as myself could do such a thing!”  From Perspective: Number Two slammed the final nail in the coffin as Number One bursted out laughing, unable to contain himself. Did that boy really bring that in and thought it was a ticket? Who was the trickster that convinced him it was one?! The other guards laughed alongside him, but he simply had to leave the Theater out of fear that he would appear to be more unprofessional than he already was, laughing the whole way out.

From This Can Be Explained: “Okay, so don’t freak out–”

“Guybrush, there’s a dead body on the floor! How can I not freak out?!” Link shouted. From Sea of Adventurers: “Although… you two made it very clear that the seas doesn’t run in your veins.”

“How so?” Graham asked, sounding somewhat insulted, even though it was the truth.

“You two screamed the entire journey from where you initially washed up to this town when you witnessed the kraken and sharks.” The Pirate Lord explained. “You also crashed your ship repeatedly into the deck, anchored in the wrong place and at one point managed to set it on fire.”

There are more quote that I'm blanking out on... but I am curious what ya'lls favorite quotes are.

6 - How far can Link’s ears toggle? What is the range of those things? Pretty expressive! But mostly it goes up and down, not back and forward. I think I showed its range?

But yeah, it's rarely super high up but it does perk up when extremely happy, twitches when he hears noises and droops when annoyed, scared or bummed. But by default his ears is like.... juuuuuuust partially up, always listening. I ah........... realized it became canon when it happened in Breath of the Wild. So of course I made it canon in 3adv.

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

Genshin as Boyfriend HCs: Part One (Kaeya, Xiao, Thoma)

Fuck it. I think if I work on my original project any longer I’m going to scream bloody murder. I am realizing that a post apocalyptic (taking the world population down to a couple million level apocalypse) story that doesn’t take place in the chaos/murder/destruction/warlords/shit just hit the fan time period is incredibly difficult. Especially since I’m generally anti-shortcut. How do I solve being overwhelmed? Fluffy Head canons. Because the Genshin guys live rent fee in my brainpan. Let’s see... Kaeya, Xiao, and Thoma. Please be kind on Xiao and Thoma. I don’t know Xiao very well and have only written for each of them once

GN reader

Fluff under the cut

Kaeya

I know we head canon Kaeya as a huge tease--which he is, ain’t gonna lie--but I think he’d be crazy sweet

High up on the level of most observant boyfriends ever. Wait... That’s most every one on my “Genshin character’s I will write for” list hehe

But no, seriously, he pays attention and even though he’s a tease, he’d definitely know where to draw the line

Also as charming as he is, I bet it backfires sometimes

I bet he picked you up for a date early on in your relationship and cuz he’s charming as fuck, he gave you roses

One problem, I don’t think he’s the most experienced with relationships. It’s the whole secrets thing, ya know.

SO I can see him being super excited, but hiding it really, really well

Until he gave you those roses I mentioned. Roses made using his vision. Roses that melted in your hands because he was so excited and wanted to impress you so much he didn’t think it all the way through

Any passerby died laughing. You just give him a look like “really, Kaeya? Really?” 

Though there’s a chance you both start laughing, because Kaeya just isn’t the kind to take that hard. He’s embarrassed, but he laughs.

You like to bring this up every now and then just to get a reaction out of him (It’s fucking hilarious)

After that he’s a bit more successful

Still extremely sweet and supportive despite his charm

PDA is definitely a thing, unless you’re super uncomfortable with it--which he will pick up

In private, he’s always touching you. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, brushing shoulders, he just likes the physical contact

Xiao

Xiao and dating

That’s a hard one. I mean, he makes me seem like a successful extrovert which I am not

I think you two would be a very private couple, in large part because he is a very introverted private person

But you respect this and don’t push him too hard

Dates often consist of hanging out on a rooftop or somewhere else quiet

I think the two of you do a lot of hand holding or linking pinkies, things that are subtle, but soft and meaningful all the same. 

The fact that he’s willing to do so, and eventually seeks it out makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside

Speaking of dates

He definitely went to Zhongli for advice and followed that advice to the T

You two had a very traditional Liyue style date. Which you enjoyed. You appreciated that he put in so much effort and went so far despite his introversion and discomfort around people---it really makes you want to go the extra mile too On a side note, someone please update Zhongli on dating practices. I know he’s aware of what goes on in Liyue, but I can’t see him being totally up to date. 

After that you do a lot of the planning, making sure to take both of your preferences into account, which he appreciates

Despite his introversion and strong boundaries, which take time to get through, he’s always there for you and ever so slowly he starts to let you be there for him

Thoma

This guy is what you call on top of it

Of the three I think he’s the only one who really hits his stride from the get go

He managed to take you on a date even you didn’t think you would want

Flowers, dinner, nice sunsets, it’s no wonder he’s so well regarded by Ayato and Ayaka

On a day to day basis, the guy is busy, but he still makes time for you whenever he can

He’s definitely the kind to randomly sweep, mop, and just take care of extra chores around the house while you’re off on some sort of adventure, not just because he wants to support you but because he really enjoys cleaning. And it’s not like you’re going to complain

On his days off you’re definitely his first choice for company

Definitely take you to see the cats outside of Inazuma City

It’s a very domestic relationship

There’s not a ton of PDA, because he is a figure so strongly associated with the Kamisato Clan, but he really does like to hold hands, ruffle your hair, little stuff like that

At home, after a day of cleaning and serving Ayato and Ayaka, he’s happy to sit and cuddle with you, talking or not talking

And if you fall asleep on him, he’ll definitely let you stay there for a bit, watching the play of dreams on your face he’s smitten before picking you up and tucking you in bed. 

He actually likes it when this happens because it means you trust him enough to completely let your guard down

Actually, he’s done the same to you a few times. After a long day he’ll fall asleep on you, though carrying to bed is more like dragging a rock because he’s tall

After the first time you decided that you’d either wake him up and move him of just leave him and fall asleep too

It’s just all so domestic

[rabbittwinrithings]

How happy are you with your current follower mods you've created? Whether that is stage of development, general features, appearance, things like that.

While I'm at it, what do you think of the followers you authored as characters, personaility wise?

Oh shit, man, this is loaded. But I don't mind it. This may be some strays thoughts.

So first off, I love my characters. In fact, I've never gotten attached to character's I've written so much like my custom voice followers. And it amazes me how much I will feel for them. There was a moment in time where I was having a hard time writing a scene where one was super angry, and for that week I, in real life, was so angry for them. I actually had to step away for a bit to calm myself down and make sure I wasn't actually causing any harm with that anger.

I have moments where I will think of Khash and, idk, it's so weird, start crying and think of how proud I am of her and that's she's made so many friends and so many care for her, as if I am a real mother thinking about her daughter.

I feel this way towards the other's too. I'll look at Varrick and think 'You're doing so good. And you're trying your best, I'm so proud of you.' Or Caryalind and say 'I promise things will get better. You've found your tribe, they'll protect you.' It's so odd and I never thought of that aspect before writing them.

-

Next, personality-wise, every follower I make has a piece of me. There are two writing advice I take to heart a lot, and that's 'write what you know,' and 'write what you want to know,' though I take them both two different ways. With 'write what you know' I look at how I want that character act, what they're like, etc. Caryalind wears his heart on his sleeve, Varrick wants to protect others, Fir has problems socializing, Disnel has ties to her culture (which is native American coded,) and Khash, well, Khash is a lot of different stuff about me mashed into one. I try and have my character's have parts of me in them.

This also goes with 'write what you want to know,' when it comes to their conflicts or problems, those are parts of me too, but mostly taken to insane extremes. (I can't say Khash's yet cause it would be spoilers for her questline.) Fir has social anxiety and depression of being a shut-in, Caryalind has done stuff in his past he percives as unforgivable and yet it was done in ignorance, Varrick is dealing with religious trauma, and Disnel deals with anger towards the disrespect of her culture and wanting to become closer to it.

Because of writing stuff that I too was having issues with, I was able to find personal solutions to issues or shed some light on them, even if they aren't completely, or even partly, fixed.

I also want to add that there followers have parts of me I wish I had. Khash and Disnel both are very un-bashful about who they are, and that's something I wish I had. Disnel says weird stuff, and her laugh is off, but she doesn't care. She doesn't stop and think 'oh, was that weird, do the people around me think that was weird?' I wish I was like that now. Or Khash is who I wish I was as a child/teen. As someone who was bullied horrifically throughout elementary, middle, and high school, I wished I didn't care what other's thought and was just myself.

(But to be fair, Khash also has an attitude of 'why should I care what others think when I have my family,' Which was something I felt strongly as a kid despite now having self-cofidence issues.)

I do want to point out though, my follower's all having daddy issues got nothing to do with my personal life. My dad is fuckin' awesome!

(Funny enough, a line from Khash where she quotes Marlok about how a certain type of bird "are jerks," is taken by quote from my dad. We were sitting on his front porch bird watching, and I was taking notes for Khash and what she would like about nature, and he said that so I wrote it as quick as I could.)

-

I don't have much to say about appearance. I love how all the followers look, but even then I'm not picky. Like I adore seeing replaces and seeing how people interpret them. I may not agree with them 100% of the time, but I don't care. I love seeing my character's get reimagined like that!

out of all the followers, these two for Varrick and Caryalind are my favorites!

Obviously, though, I add little quirks I like to all of them.

I adore Khash's little stuck-up nose.

I love Caryalind's curly hair.

I love Varrick's fashion sense.

I love Fir's striking eyes.

I love how flat Disnel's side profile is.

Okay, maybe there is more I could say about their appearances, but I'm sure it would just be more 'I love (insert some detail about them.)' cause I just love how they all look!

-

Stage of development is a tricky one cause I have mixed feelings about it. School has really kept me away from my followers, and it hurts, but with summer break I've found I have the time to finally work on them.

I recently been working on a road map of the followers to hopefully see what all I need (at least for the initial release for some,) and want.

Caryalind should have an update soon.

I'm hoping to get the first half of Varrick's romance up during the summer.

I want to get most of Fir written and implemented over the summer.

I hope to get Disnel out by the end of the summer. (Not completed, but still a good chunk of stuff there.)

And Khash, is another matter I will discuss at the end...

Sometimes I feel bad for not making more or quicker updates. Some mod authors are absolute gods at it, and I wish I could update as quickly, but I also try not to get myself upset about it. This is meant to be fun for everyone, including me. Part of me says it's selfish, and another part then hits and says 'no, that's not.' (If you couldn't tell, anxiety is something I struggle with pretty badly.)

Okay, now the thing about Khash, cause I really didn't want to disrupte any flow with above is her questline has created such a huge headache, at first. I made Khash when I first learning the ck and the same for more complicated questing. Because of this, her questline is a huge, buggy mess. because of that, and seeing the state Khash's esp is in, I decided to try and make her from the ground up again, along with additions and changes. Cause like, now, a questline like her's is a cake walk from what I've done in Ganval and Disnel's stuff. I just didn't know how to do it at the time of making Khash. But this also means Khash's development and update will take much longer than I hoped. While the lines are going pretty steadily (I think I started rebuilding two weeks ago and half of the of lines are implemented,) It's voicing that will probably take the longest. This is because I haven't done Khash's voice in perhaps a year and my throat isn't used to it anymore. because of that, voicing lines will take the longest time to do. But, for a sneak peak, some other additions are:

New introduction quest

More inventory room (Khash will have a backpack the player can toggle on and off.)

And I really hope to give her some kind of pet.

There are other obvious ones like how I want to add her adoption. I would also like to add more questions for the player to answer about themselves. Khash didn't know much about Marlok's past, and if she is looking to the player as a new guardian, she wants to try and learn more about you. But these are still up in the air, aka, not written, so I don't want to promise anything until it is for sure written.

Hopefully this whole reboot will fix alot of her bugs, story issues, and other stuff in the og mod.

With all that said though, I hope to have an update or a good chunk of each follower done by the end of the summer. I'm not sure where that will put Ganval in development. I started Ganval just for fun set design, and then thought it could be a good quest portfolio piece. But with how much questing my current followers are getting, I think just themselves are good portfolio pieces.

Sorry for just this huge wall of text. I may have gotten a bit carried away. But I hope this all answers the question really well. I know writing all this did help me get some thoughts I had out of my brain and out there.

Love y'all!

[not-another-lesbian-stereotype]

Hey seduce me shawties i have an unsolicited rant cause this fandom is barely keeping a pulse and if you want content u gotta do it yourself😔

let's talk about....

the

harem

episode

I've seen some people talk about it! but honestly not as much as it deserves because respectfully, HUH?

Yeah it really was something. I was having a really weird night when I went through it and got super excited for some silly little escapism. But I just couldn't bring myself to like it. I don't want to knock absolutely anyone but after a year-long hiatus I was excited and it just felt...so unsatisfactory? I can see the vision, I always loved the harem ends for the other episodes. But those always felt like wholesome little snippets into the brothers dynamic that you never really got in any singular route. With how isolated the brothers felt from one another in the main games, it's really nice to see them interact. Whenever they do it's super interesting! ML did a good job fleshing out personal details during the Seducemeask era, but I've always been sad a lot of that didn't end up getting portrayed in the final games. But that never felt like it happened.

I think my main criticism comes down to the fact that they do nothing but try to appease the MC the entire episode. This was definitely an issue during certain parts of the games but the harem episode is the absolute worst example.

Because the boys are trying so hard to accommodate the MCs tastes, they end up falling flat as characters. They feel watered down because they aren't working in their own best interests a lot of the time. And because the MC is supposed to be an insert for the player... they don't have any character either. The whole thing just ends up being super frustrating because for there to be any conflict the MC has to just be super dense. I wish this sequence of events revealed any character from them but no. It just felt self pitying and a tad pathetic. This felt super out of character with the MC as we knew them. The MC in the main games?? Feisty as shit. Just crumpling immediately instead of facing the issue doesn't seem right.

Additionally, the emphasis on how ~unconventional~ polyamory is just made me uncomfortable. The MC invited 5 homeless demons into their home for goofies in the first game, am I really to believe they put that much stock in convention? I think I understand the intention behind those lines, but it's just so heavily insisted upon at every moment. If the MC had instead put an emphasis on the boys perspective on polyamory rather than societal expectation I would have felt way better. It could reveal how much they care for the boys and what is best for them. But instead it comes across as a bit selfish. "They wouldn't share me and that's all there is to it", makes me feel like they don't know the boys super well. And then when they're proven wrong we just skirt past that!!! Yes an unconventional situation leads to an unconventional response, but it could have been a great opportunity to show a healthy and informed conversation on both sides. Instead it just happened so quickly... what would that actual dynamic work like with each of the characters? WORK WITH ME

The build up to the confession and then the lack of true substance in the agreement just made the ending feel so abrupt. When the boys confessed I didn't feel anything. There needs to be some proverbial glue holding these relationships together, but I personally never saw it. Their love for each other was just supported by a trust me bro energy that I'm simply not buying. I just felt confused as to why the boys were going so far out of their way for this person who had the mental constitution of a ritz cracker.

and then

the ending

Have y'all ever tried to share a bed with 3 people? Yeah. Not great. 6 people to one bed?? I would be calling a chiropractor like 5 minutes in. And it was so sudden and so goofy I couldn't stop myself from laughing. AND THEN IT ENDED!!!! I didn't feel any sexual attraction to that whole display whatsoever but I think I was supposed to? I ended the whole experience feeling like I didn't have any idea what I had just witnessed. All i know is that THIS will live on in my nightmares for years to come.

Anyways I apologize for if this rant felt naggy. I love the Seduce Me characters and world-building, but no matter how hard I try I cannot get passed this episode which SUCKS because the others are incredible.

anyway - CASSIE OUT🏃‍♀️💨

[nsk96]

Personal reflection…sort of. Not really a rant this time but I just needed to get this out of my system. Y’all skip this one. It’s just sad long and boring but nothing concerning thankfully, just something to show to my future therapist when I get the chance to finally make that appointment. Been having some thoughts I need to jot down

My left ear is hurting a lot as a wear this beanie over my ears. The cartilage part is what hurts. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since we have a lot of nerve endings in our ears or something right? My left ear always hurts whenever I wear something over it like headphones or those earrings that wrap around the back of the ear. And even my mask. To be fair, the mask hurts both my ears, but the left always hurts the most.

I have a scar on my left ear. More accurately inside the cartilage. I can feel it with my fingers, this jagged little chunk that still hurts a little or feels super sensitive when I rub it. I’ve had it as far back as middle school. I don’t remember exactly when but I know I was somewhere between 11 and 13. The first time I spoke to my mom about it a few years ago, I mentioned it casually, and she denied ever yanking it that hard.

The night it happened, it was a cleaning day, so that means the windows were open the whole day to air out the house and the fumes from the cleaning products. I came out the shower and went to my room to get dressed. I’m not dumb so obviously I wasn’t going to get dressed in front of an open bedroom window where the dude in the car outside could see me. I had a bunk bed where I had a whole lot of clothes hanging from the side, and changed behind there ensuring full coverage. Not to mention the bed was off to the side away from the window, so I would have been out of sight anyway by angle alone.

I finished and went out to the living room. Immediately my mom asked if my bedroom window was still open, and answering honestly, I said yes. Now at this point I was starting to freak out a little inside especially seeing her face change. To this day, my mom always had this way of asking questions that made you feel like you were being interrogated, and that mixed with the fact that she utilized corporal punishment during my growing up and her inability to regulate her emotions, I was shitting bricks and froze. She asked if I changed with the window open. (Mothers…always asking the questions they know the answers to. I can only laugh at that part now because I cried enough about it).

All I could answer was “yes.” I couldn’t get the full explanation out of me. How do I explain my strategy to her? Would she even believe me? I wasn’t sure she’d believe me.

She abruptly got up and grabbed me by the ear, and dragged me outside by the ear as I tried to keep up, nearly tripping over the stepping stones and pebbles that lined our front yard’s walkway. It’s at this point I don’t even remember exactly what she said. All I know is that she pointed to the open window to “show me” how much we can see outside and then to the car across the street that was blasting music and she said something about him “enjoying the strip show”. I mostly remember cupping my ear because of the pain. My ear hurt for about a week afterwards.

Over a decade later, it hurts when agitated and I’m reminded of that night. I’m also reminded of how my mom denied it when I brought it up. Nowadays, I have difficulty lying, but I also have difficulty speaking up for myself like that night and I keep wondering why.

Growing up, when I did things that got me in trouble with my parents, it was sometimes easier to lie than to explain my thought process because my mom would say that my explanation was a lousy excuse or just not believe me at all. My older brother being the compulsive liar that he was, didn’t help my case either. I’ve told the truth more than I lied. I was more of the “hide things from my parents” kind of kid instead of the lying one but you learn what you can to survive parents who don’t have time to learn who you are or figure out how to parent you besides the methods they learned from their parents. For example, that time I hated the flavor of my Flintstones multivitamins so I hid each dose under the dresser every morning. Tasted too much of iron for me to handle at the time. I didn’t pretend to be a vampire until 9.

I guess I can’t complain. My mom grew up with a mother who broke her nose and chased down my aunt with a cutlass. I think I feel as hurt as I do partially because I feel like I was punished for things that were out of my control such as the memory issues I still deal with today. It’s just baffling to me that she went through it herself, but can’t understand why it was so hard for me to trust her as a teen and adult, or why it took me 22 years to open up to her about the CSA I experienced at age 5, the nightmares (nightmare of the corporal punishment of which I’d wake up crying), my interests, who I am as a person. Even now, she thinks she has me figured out and it’s bugs the hell out of me because I feel like I can’t truly be myself around anyone, not even her without her thinking I’m weird or have some reaction like “O-kAyy”. I’ll give her credit where it’s due though. She’s been supportive of my cosplay hobby but I get the feeling that she wants me to quit. Just a hunch.

My love for anime is always like “oh you’re still watching cartoons.” She tries to make it sound like she's joking but how many times are you going to make the same joke. And so many times I repeatedly had to argue with her about me wanting to put up my anime and gaming posters on my current bedroom walls. There was one time when she even tried to say I’m too old for that. As a kid, I scavenged whatever I could get to hang up on my bedroom wall, a shared bedroom with my brother, who was allowed to hang up all the posters he wanted, including a two of motorbike bikini ladies. All I had was a dragon poster from a book and a horse poster. I couldn’t put too many up because she said they’ll collect dust.

Now I have my own bedroom and some of my own money to buy quality posters of things I’m interested in and love, and I can’t hang them up? When I was organizing my collectibles around my tv stand to decorate, she came in and said, “it doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s not like anyone will see it anyway.” Didn’t she just say months earlier about having my friends over?…my gaming buddies btw…and my gaming console is in my room…and their rooms are literally set up like this as well. That aside though, I didn’t care about that, I was doing this for me. Bring color and life into this room besides the empty walls that are still mostly empty. She's only quiet about the posters now because I told her about the posters some of my classmates have that I saw during zoom meetings.

Anyways, I got so far from the point. I think the reason I freeze now whenever someone blows up at me or puts me on the spot or like an interrogation, is because there’s never a right answer. I was taught not to lie, and I can’t lie because I get this weird visceral feeling like my guts are crying when I try to lie, so as a result I’m like a compulsive truth teller almost. But I was also taught my explanations are not good enough, so I guess that could be why I just can’t get myself to say anything and I go blank or just reply with the obvious (Like that time when the pharmacist asked “who even are you” which was a rhetorical question she was asking to be dramatic and rude, and all I could reply with was my name as I blanked out). Fear as well. When someone of authority blows up at me, ngl, it’s like I’m a kid again standing in front of my mom waiting for my sentence.

For years I couldn’t remember much of my childhood at all. I remembered some of the bad. I still hardly remember the good probably because the bad overshadows it still as some of it might be locked away deeper. As I keep looking back and digging, memories are surfacing. Sometimes, other people’s stories or fragments will trigger memories because I went through similar.

Like that time my mom forced me to take a pregnancy test. That memory was locked away until I read a story on Reddit of a girl who’s bf locked her in the bathroom and forced her to take the test. My mom didn’t lock me in, but what choice did I have. I was 11, and she heard rumors of kids at my middle school having sex in the bathrooms. Of course she asked me and I told her the truth which was that I heard the same rumors but never witnessed anything. I hit puberty at 11 and so you know…I was developing. My mom said, “your breasts are getting bigger, are you sexually active?” I said no (I was a virgin). She didn’t believe me and that’s when she forced me to take the pregnancy test. My stupid ass was freaking out the whole time because I thought a false positive was possible and all I could think of was what she’d do to me if I got one. Thank heavens if was false. But I’m starting to think it was at this point I started really hiding things from her. The only time I’d come to her is when I thought I might end up in serious trouble (rare). I hid so much from her and continue to do so today.

Last week, I had to go to a health fair about 1 hour from home, to vaccinate people. My mom came along. Conversation came up about bringing my dad along and my mom said, “bring him along and do what? I can’t sit next to him without wanting to reach over and strangle him for what he did.” She also said something about not being able to handle knowing what she knows now, referring to what I opened up to her about back in May. She said it’s all just too much. I don’t know if she realized what she said but now after hearing it, I just feel like I never should have told her. Maybe it’s a secret I should have had to carry to the grave…well to the fire.

I once told my mom that I don’t remember most of my childhood. She said it was normal because she hardly remembers hers too. But I hear of other people who seem to remember so much and had such colorful happy childhoods, and then there are the friends who had effed up childhoods who can hardly remember theirs as well. I’m starting to see a pattern and I don’t like it.

My relationship with my mom is complex. I know I say quite a bit about her. But I do love her and she's been there for me through everything and did the best she could considering the demon of a husband she has. However, I'm not making excuses for her anymore. Whenever I bring things up, instead of sorry or sympathy, I'm met with denial and downplay. A year ago, an astrologer, who knew nothing of my personal life, equipped with only my birthday and time of birth, told me that I'm prone to abusive relationships and that I should not live with family because family will always be a "source of grief" for me. Both past and present events were proof of the points he said, but it took hearing it from him to make me ask myself "Why?" From now on, I will have to practice not making excuses for people. It's time to start being myself and learning to be comfortable with the weird, and exploring the parts of me I never got to explore.

(That's actually what contributed to my depression episode the past couple of months. Seeing what I wanted to be and being so close to trying it out but unable to go all in due to fear of judgement from my mom and those around me. One of these things is goth fashion. I've always liked it since I was a kid and was always into spooky and creepy things. I recently learned that goth culture is based around goth music and that the goth community takes that very seriously (to the point of gate keeping, like for some people, you can't listen to anything else). I like goth music...but I listen to almost everything and there are genres that I enjoy much more. Some probably do fall into the goth category but not goth enough for some people. I already decided that I will practice not living my life for other people so hope the gatekeepers are ready for the battering ram)

[bonesandthebees]

So the new Glass chapter. No time for a proper analysis so have my immediate thoughts:

Crime boys fight! I love your fights. They’re always set up so well. The first time crimeboys fight is when they are stuck in their little co-dependent bubble and know each other well enough to have serious ammunition to hurt. I am still obsessed with the way you allow characters to dig and get bloody down to the bones. (I also really love the words as knives and actually cutting open Wilbur’s mouth as he draws blood methapoheres.) I wish I’d known there would be a fight, I would have gotten popcorn. Several of these lines made me winch.

Also, Wilbur’s whole, I’m not a person vs. Tommy caring about him and seeing how much it’s hurting him is very on point this chapter. Same with the co-dependency. Wilbur has spent very little time apart from Tommy. This shows especially in the entire market scene. On both sides btw. Wilbur is very overwhelmed and Tommy helps clam him down just by being there and holding his hand. Wilbur gets more stressed when Tommy is gone.

Also, Tommy’s idea to go out is very stupid, but his plan to prove that Wilbur wants to stay is even dumber and putting them both through so much stress. Like Tommy was very sure of himself, but as he actually left Wilbur alone the anxiety probably kicked on cuz of Wilhur had left, Tommy would be in some much trouble and Wilbur would end up back in his cage. Also, Foolish noticed (and recognised?) Wilbur and might be able to get that info back to Eret. The question is what happens then. Also it was way to risky either way. Also, Charlie finally getting a tooth as bribery.

I’m ignoring a lot for now, but I do want to talk a bit about Tubbo cuz I totally forget Wilbur didn’t clock him as hard-hearing and it made me laugh. Also, Tubbo hops on the bandwagon of “doesn’t fully understand or trust Wilbur, but knows he will keep Tommy safe and is grateful for that’. Also, I like him forgetting his clothes, it makes him feel more human despite the fact that we’ve mostly seen the worst of him.

One more detail, after the fight, Wilbur takes off his blindfold and the narration reverts to just pronouns again. He goes back to being nothing. And that, with the context that he just screams that he’s empty at the top of his lungs, hurts so, so, so much. This chapter really came for our throats, damn. I just remembered Wilbur there’s also the Wilbur (not) deserving better comment. Bee, what are you doing to this poor man.

Actual last comment for tonight: We get vicious Wilbur again! Yeay! I missed him! He’s fun when he’s got bite!

-🌲

SPRUCEEEE <33

YEAHHH the fight was so wild to write because, um, well here's a fun fact about the chapter.

the fight wasn't planned literally at ALL. there wasn't supposed to be a fight in this chapter! it just happened!

literally wilbur and tommy were supposed to just talk about going to the night market and that was it. no arguing. no disagreements even. but the dialogue just ran away from me and next thing I knew they were in the middle of a very intense argument and I was like "well okay I guess we're going with this now" and i had to sit back and rethink my entire chapter plan to see if i could still do it because it was a huge tone shift from what I originally had in store. tbh though it works so much better this way and I'm so glad you enjoyed reading the fight. I love writing fights. it's a constant balancing act of "how far can these two characters push each other before things move past the point of no return?"

oh yeah they're so codependent at this point. wilbur was overwhelmed in general from the night market because he literally hasn't been in public spaces like that for basically a decade at this point. like yes the palace held balls, but those weren't super frequent, and that was just about the only time he was around more than a handful of people at any given moment. so he was going to be anxious no matter what, but the separation from tommy really got to him.

and also yes the second tommy left wilbur to go get the food he was like "what the fuck did I do what did I do I'm so goddamn stupid fuck shit-" because he was terrified wilbur was really going to leave. he'd been acting confident, but their argument shook him way more than he let on. so yeah it was really stupid of him, but it worked!

the funny thing about wilbur is that he's so absorbed in his own problems half the time he won't notice the most obvious shit like tubbo being hoh. tbf both times he witnessed people signing at tubbo or tubbo signing at others he was stressed out about various other things, but still dude c'mon.

the reason I included tubbo forgetting his clothes was bc i realized i had already described him folding his arms over his chest and stuff which he wouldn't have been able to do with clothes in his arms, but I didn't want to go back and rewrite wilbur initially seeing him to say he had clothes in his arms either. plus, I needed something he could say as he left, so I just ended up throwing in the line about him forgetting his clothes bc I thought it was funny lol

:) I have a great time deciding when to just use pronouns for wilbur vs when to call him the pythia. it's something I'm always aware of when I'm writing this fic and it's so fun to play around with. poor guy :)

YES VICIOUS WILBUR I loved writing him being a dick again I've also missed him

[rexaleph]

Doing poorly so i'll finally be breaking my silence on the bachelor with nick viall from 2017.

So id never seen the bachelor before, but in 2017 people on the internet were laughing at this weird woman contestant with her adult nanny and cucumber snacks + she also was really hot, 100% my type at the time + turns out griffin mcelroy and his wife had a podcast abt the bachelor franchise and were following the season episode by episode, so i decided to check it out.

The bachelor that year was a 36 y o man called nick whose job was being on the bachelor. He had previously been on 2 seasons of the bachelorette where he got p far but was not chosen, and then he went on bachelor in paradise, which i dont super understand what it is but he failed to find a gf there as well, and basically that is what his life had been for multiple years at that point. He was p attractive, however any time he tried to do serious relationship talk to the contestants he was supposed to pick his wife from it was like listening to a 14 y o boy say lines he'd heard on tv. Like he'd be thoughtlessly rude to a woman, she'd try and bring it up and he'd mumble canned lines like you call me on my shit, that's what i love about you while looking at his hands. Incredible manbaby, what a prize.

So coming back to the weird girl contestant. Her name was corinne, she was 23 (none of the women were over 31 to nick's 36) and lived with her parents allegedly helping out with their mystery business. They employed someone she called her adult nanny, who made her cucumber snacks and cheesy pasta. On the show she came off as childish, silly and very sexually aggressive, she took off her bikini top and made nick hold her tits in a photoshoot, sprayed whipped cream on herself and made him lick it off i wanna say the very first night, told the camera that while her heart is gold, her vagine is platinum. And nick loved that shit!! She'd rudely monopolize him and barge in when he was with someone else and he'd just follow her like a puppy. And the other women would get upset and he'd lamely apologize but it was clear that corinne was whom that idiot man wanted and deserved. The show was making her out to be a reality tv villain, and the crazy thing is that even the normal smart people i knew who watched the show kept getting mad at her for the antics. Like how dare she make him lick cream out of her cleavage on the meat market show? How dare she take her top off on the show with the dedicated sex episode where i think you have the officially sanctioned chance to test drive 3 partners in a special fuck room? Bizarre.

There were 2 other leading contestants, a teacher and an attorney, both 30+, established beautiful people. and like okay, i get that they can't be like, ah, i do not in fact want to marry a professional dating show contastant babyman. They had to do the show. But why do you, as a feminist critical reality tv enjoyer, want a woman you like be saddled with someone like nick? I guess you wanna see the good guy win, but winning here does mean accepting nick viall's marriage proposal. Nick choosing corinne would have been a victimless crime, they were completely on the same level, she might have outgrown him eventually, but really who cares, they're reality tv people. I was rooting so hard for those two beautiful idiots to make it, true stupid lust against reality tv convention where the good guy had to win. But ofc nick was weak, he did not follow his heart and ended up choosing the teacher who i wanna say spoke 3 languages, was a pillar of her community and throughout the show kept trying to talk to him like a grownup. Which like tbf she can't have been doing that great if she's going on the bachelor, but still miles and miles beyond anything nick had any right to hope for. She accepted his proposal and they broke up a couple months later.

Right after that season the bachelor franchise went fully down the toilet iirc, there was like grotesque overt racism with the bachelorette and i think sexual assault on set, so it stopped being a semi-respectable guilty pleasure. I certainly never watched anything other than that one season. But i still come back to thinking abt corinne and how bought in the people who treated it as a guilty pleasure and considered themselves above it were into the weird horny-prudish adolescent logic of the show.

[silverjirachi]

@idledreams-burninghearts @charitablemafioso Absolutely! You all don't have to ask me twice to tell you more about my fucked up catholic upbringing!!

So like I said I was super hyped when I found out I was gonna get to microdose on being a cult leader for a week because basically I had been training my whole life for this. (Remember this is ME. the EGG WHO WANTED TO BE A PRIEST.) My assigned topic was Piety, which for those of you who don't know is the religious virtue of.. being religious. So my talk is just gonna be about how to be a good and holy religious person. Sick! I got this in the bag!! I've been training my whole life for this!!

But here's some important context to know about me. Despite the fact that I was known for being like, THE catholic girl. I also had a ~controversial~ (to some) reputation. Mainly just to our school priest. You see, this guy was a hyper-traditional asshole. Thought mass should still be Latin and was cheapened by being in English. Real pre-Vatican II type motherfucker. Wore a cassock every day instead of the standard shirt and pants. Visibly uncomfortable around women who could speak. Really harsh on everyone. Hated kids. Hated teenagers. Frollo type ass.

He was so notorious actually that one time I was talking to a completely different priest at a completely different church, and mentioned my school, and he asked "Oh, who's the priest up there nowadays?" and I gave this guys' name and this other priest's expression completely changed. I saw war flashbacks in this guy's mind. They had been in seminary around the same time together. And he just looked at me with these soft, apologetic eyes and said "Oh, I'm so sorry." And we both uncomfortably laughed.

But here's the thing about me. I got insanely good grades in all my classes. ESPECIALLY religion class (wanted to be a priest). This guy HATED it. (Smart "woman.") Because sometimes he would just get shit blatantly wrong (mostly so he could be more misogynistic) and I'd sit there in class and correct him. We threw down a couple times.

I'm accepted as a cult leader and I'm dead set on roasting this guy. MOSTLY because I used to be a real hardass about Christianity at one point too and realized early how fucked up it was to treat people like Sinners and not Human Beings. This was mostly due to my best friend vibe checking my ass when she was going through a really hard time and all I could offer was like. Prayers and Bible quotes. What a great friend, right?

So the focus of my "Piety" talk became about how to spread the love of Christ not through slinging Bible quotes at people but rather just like. Being a Cool and Chill and Good Person and letting the Christianity like, naturally sprout as a part of that rather than whatever the hell that guy was doing. Everyone was like, super down for this and I've always been a really strong writer, so even at 17 my writing was really impactful and heartfelt. I talked about the experience of almost losing my friend in her time of need due to me being a hyper-Christian asshole and explained how Christians should NEVER be alienating people ESPECIALLY not when they are GOING THROUGH TOUGH TIMES and spoke a lot how the relationship with my best friend and also with my boyfriend helped me realize this.

Now. Here's the other controversial element of me. My boyfriend was NOT CATHOLIC!!! This was SCANDALOUS at my school. He was one of only like maybe 10 non-Catholics and he fought this priest too but Frollo could more easily dismiss him because he was a Filthy Protestant. And of course Frollo-Ass KNEW this about me and it made him hate me even more to the point where one time I'm pretty sure he gave a sermon about ME SPECIFICALLY and that is where I drew the mother fuckin line.

So we had to go around and share our sermons for approval and rewrites a couple weeks before the retreat. The school priest was not present for the meeting that day. However, his assistant, our new youth minister, who was either FRESH outta seminary or graduating soon, WAS there. And we get to the end of my speech and everyone gets really quiet. But I know it's the good kind of quiet because I am one impactful and heartfelt motherfucker. And I'm looking specifically at this youth minister seminarian because I KNOW he knows it's a sideways dig at Frollo the Wretched and he just nods deep in thought and I can tell his perspective has been changed on some things. And he just goes "Woah. Yeah. Wow." And I was accepted without any rewrites.

So flash forward and I'm standing at the pulpit in this Cult-for-a-Week organization giving my talk about Piety, the Christian Virtue of Being a Christian. And now Frollo-Ass WAS there. Standing in the back. Menacingly. While I am gleefully and happily giving this talk about how my life has been changed by two NON-CATHOLICS, one who I was VERY PUBLICALLY in a relationship with and it brought me deeper to the Catholic faith and that is actually how we're supposed to ride.

I could feel him seething from across the room but I know there was one particular line that really made him blow a fuse. I can't remember it verbatim, but it was something along the lines of how when my friend came to me for help, she was desperate for human connection, and instead of me meeting her like a person the way a good Christian should, instead, by shallowly offering her nothing but prayers and Bible verses, I was beating her over the head with a crucifix. HE HATED THIS. HATED THIS. I smiled and made eye contact with him as my Exit Song played and I found my way back to my seat, and he would NOT make eye contact with me the rest of the trip. But he was in and out anyway. I wonder, if because he was so in and out, that seminarian had nudged him to sit in on mine. You know. To see if he learned something. He definitely did not.

Anyways I applied to lead again and I definitely was rejected all three times. This might have had to do with me frauding some service hours in his class too but I KNOW my gleefully blasphemous sermon about Piety that embraced relationships with non-Catholics had a healthy something to do with it.

How were you a cult leader for a week?

Okay so this is going to be a looooonnnggg story and I never even really sat back and thought about how batshit insane it was until I started talking about it with other people. Which is more recently than you'd expect for the fact that it took place over ten years ago. But back then I also didn't have the life experience to see how.. weird and creepy it was until well, well afterwards.

Another thing that contributed to the fact that I never really thought or spoke about it because that was actually a core tenant of the program. If you talk about it, you're ruining the "sacredness" of the experience if someone else might go through it. So you gotta keep it secret so it's not spoiled for them. Which was a way bigger deal at my school than it now is like, out in the wild. And when I said that first part out loud "So like, oh! I'm not actually supposed to talk about this, BUT" I realized this was some cult shit.

Like I said, long story so I'm gonna put it under a cut for people who wanna read.

Alright so. This story begins at my co-ed Catholic high school. Each year as part of our like, religious enrichment, we went on "retreats" or missions to different areas locally. Freshmen didn't have one, though their was like 1 day of service out in the community. (We went to a retirement home and passed out valentine's cards all day if memory serves).

Sophomores and Juniors got to participate in the more coveted, multiple-day religious retreats that were school-sponsored excuses to get out of school. And they were mandatory, even if you were not Catholic.

What's important to know about these retreats is that they were FAMOUS at our school. They were surrounded with so much mystique, hype, and infamy. People spread rumors about them. People spread lies about them. People spread gossip about who did what with such and such during these retreats. One common, straight-faced lie that almost ALL seniors told about the Senior Retreat was that you all "got naked and danced around a fire" (this will be relevant later). The Naked Fire Dance was like a schoolwide JOKE about this very famous, very infamous senior retreat called Kairos.

What added to this hype, particularly around Kairos, is that once you completed it, you got this special (though rather plain-looking) cross that was given out at the end of the retreat. ALL the seniors who had been through Kairos wore them, EVERY DAY, and groups of students were taken on retreats in groups of 40-50, so not the whole class got them at once. It was like a gradual progression watching these crosses appear around peoples' necks. And like, they got to miss ALMOST A FULL WEEK OF SCHOOL. Come on now. That's amazing.

I actually broke down crying when my own Kairos cross broke during band practice and my percussion instructor fixed it for me. That's how important these things were, both as an emotional AND a status symbol. Wearing a Kairos cross was on an equal level with having a class ring - if you wore one, you had MADE IT.

So I was naturally STOKED when I discovered I was selected to take part in Kairos at the end of my JUNIOR YEAR rather than my senior year. Looking back on it, this absolutely was not random. Kairos retreats were split into different dates for a very particular purpose, and that was to make sure there was always a fresh influx of students to become the next set of "leaders" on these retreats. The first round of Kairos actually began in May or June of the respective class's JUNIOR YEAR so that there would be some classmates to lead the next Kairos that would begin in the proper senior year in the fall. I was selected for this first session because they ABSOLUTELY had already scouted me out as a potential leader and wanted to make sure I had the chance to. I had good grades in religion, participation in church, etc, and kind of had a reputation for it.

Funnily enough, these were all numbered, and I was on Kairos 68. I led Kairos 69, which they changed to Kairos 70. Do the kids these day know? Do they even know their whole numbering system is off because their school refused to allow Kairos 69 to exist?

BUT WHEN ARE WE GETTING TO THE CULT SHIT? Ok. We'll get into the cult shit now.

So the first thing to know about these retreats and therefore also Kairos is that they take place in the middle of the woods. They're at a spiritual retreat center led by some monks about 30-40 minutes away from the school. So you are ISOLATED in what is essentially a large cabin but feels more like a retirement home. Everyone gets their own tiny little room that basically only had a bed, a dresser, and your own sink in it.

They take you into this cabin in the middle of the woods and of course you have to give up all your electronics. Your phone is confiscated from you if they find you have brought it, etc. Not only this, but then you find that they have covered up all the clocks. So you start to develop this immediate sense of restlessness and time blindness because all the clocks are covered with a white sheet and a sign that says "GOD'S TIME." Your entire day structure and even sense of TIME are now at the mercy of the cult leaders, excuse me, I mean student leaders and teacher chaperones on the retreat.

There are no parents here. It's just about fifty 17 to 18 year olds and about 7 teachers. And about 6 student "group leaders" who had a very, very central and important role in the whole event.

What essentially happened was for the next 4 days, we sat in this group conference room at round tables listening to talks and having breakout discussions about Jesus all day. Church in the morning and evening. You got max like, 1, maybe 2 hours of free time after lunch. Literally just living that #monasterylife. But there was something very... particular... about these talks that are things I definitely do not think go down at a monastery.

Each day, a handful of the teachers and student group leaders gave talks surrounded a particular topic or theme of the day. I can't remember all of them, but they'd be things like Piety, and Service, and Charity, and Forgiveness, etc. Christian values. Each talk had a name centered around a particular value. Mine was Piety.

The thing about these talks though, is that they were incredibly, deeply, invasively personal.

Now, I'm going to be upfront and say no one was forced to go up there and spill the deepest darkest secrets of their life. All the student leaders had signed up for this KNOWING they'd be asked to write an incredibly personal sermon on their assigned topic. But there is something addictive about that cult mentality when everyone is getting up on that pulpit oversharing well, you wanna spill your whole life story too. (However, we'll get back to some insider secrets about this later).

TW next paragraphs off-hand but not graphically mentioning suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm and cutting, domestic abuse, etc.

Teachers went up there and talked about their marriages and divorces and how such things brought them closer to God. About how their drunken fathers beat them. Student leaders got up there and gave talks about their suicide attempts or being abused and how being saved from these things brought them closer to god. I learned the intimate ups and downs of my teachers' and fellow classmates' lives in a way I NEVER thought I would and it would all be wrapped up in a little lesson about god. They'd play a little meaningful song of the speaker's choice before and after the sermon to set the scene and help everyone reflect and pray. Mine were Uncharted by Sara Bareilles and The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin. Very deep and meaningful stuff to me at age 17.

As the week progresses and the students drink more of the kool-aid, the participant students are even allowed to go up and say a few words too. And I am not kidding when I say each night there would be at least 1-2 confessions of suicidal ideation or suicide attempts, a handful of mentions of cutting or self harm, and a handful of mentions of actively being abused, even in relationships with other students not on the retreat.

No trigger warnings because this was like 2012 and those were only JUST becoming a thing.

Now, looking back on it now as someone who has taught middle and high schoolers, I can only say: WHaT THE HELL? Teachers absolutely were not required to report these confessions, and I think actively were encouraged not to. I know for a fact student leaders were not supposed to report anything. Because it was supposed to be a safe space where people could say anything. To know someone might take action outside that world would violate the sacred trust we were building with one another, and the closeness we were getting to god. People could reach out to someone individually after the retreat, but unlike in a lot of other cases where it would be MANDATORY for an adult to report certain things, no such enforcement here existed. As a teen, that seemed awesome. As an adult who has taught and looked after children now, I am horrified. I know it's a complicated nuanced topic, but holy hell batman.

And as a 17-year-old retreat leader, I felt responsible for my flock. One girl confessed to me about her mom who was being actively abusive, and I, at the tender age of 17, was suddenly put in a position where I felt like I had to do something for her. I'M NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THAT!! I'M SEVENTEEN!!! But she confided in me and now I wanna support her in any way I can. I went over to her house several times after that retreat and honestly almost got myself into some horrible, dangerous situations because I felt like I was obligated to because we had shared this soul-baring bond at Kairos. I TOLD NO ONE. I GOT HELP FROM NO ADULT ON THIS.

BUT THESE TALKS WEREN'T EVEN THE ONLY WILD AND WACKY THINGS THAT HAPPENED THAT WEEK!!

One of the other biggest events at Kairos was "letters night." This happens on like the second night of the retreat when all 50 teenagers are herded into a dark room lit only by a few candles and sit in silence for a few minutes. We're all sitting there wondering what's going on. Then, all of a sudden, one of our teachers starts reading a letter addressed to someone. At the end of the letter, it's revealed its from a parent or loved one of at student in the room. They're called up to receive their letter and a hug of comfort if they want it, because of course half of us are sobbing at this point. This goes on for all fifty students in the room. Each of us gets a deeply personal letter from our parents or loved ones about our life stories read in front of forty-nine of our other peers. I can't even imagine how this must have felt for someone without loving parents, but they made it work so everyone had a meaningful letter read aloud.

After that LONG, LONG process, we do one final meditation and are led back to our rooms for sleep. It is then we discover BOATLOADS of letters from other students that have been dumped all over our rooms and our beds. Letters of love, encouragement, well-wishes. Confessions of love or admiration. Letters of apology. Truly anything your upperclassmen friends, relatives, or others might want to write about you. The letters night is kept INCREDIBLY secret and is actually one of the reasons I never talked about Kairos. Because, as personal as it is, it was also an incredibly powerful, formative moment for me. It made me feel more loved and more valued as a person who made a difference on this earth than anything else in my life at that point, and I hung on to my Kairos letters for a very long time afterwards. And the not knowing anything, the surprise of it all really contributed to that. It was like getting hit with a truck with nothing but sheer love, especially at a time in my life when I felt worthless and unwanted and was, myself, actively considering suicide. Writing letters to my group members and friends going on Kairos was my favorite part of the whole process.

And then there was. The moment you have all been waiting for. THE NAKED FIRE DANCE.

Now, thankfully, this was not an actual naked fire dance. But the joke was at last revealed. It is called the naked fire dance, because it is at this point that THE STUDENT LEADERS, and ONLY the students leaders, NO TEACHERS, take their small flock back UNSUPERVISED into these small breakout rooms and they have... the naked fire dance. All the lights are off. It's the middle of the night. The small room is lit only with one candle, and everyone sits in a circle as the teenage cult leader starts with a single prayer. Then she opens up the floor. Now all the students, heart to heart, sit around this single candle for the next hour sharing secrets about themselves. Confessing things to each other. It's called the naked fire dance because you "take off your masks" (aka "get naked) in a circle around "a fire" (candle).

Again, this was an incredibly moving and formative experience for me. I was in a group with jocks, cheerleaders, people I'd NEVER interact with normally. And I felt so loved and connected to them. But that's a big component about how cults work. They feel good!!

Then, you all go back for one final group prayer and are released to bed. The next morning is the 4th day where they do some wrapping up, and you find out the whole retreat is structured around Jesus' 3 day death or whatever. And then you, on the 4th day - rise again. You live the fourth!! And you also talk about it to no one. Ever. That is a very important component of Living the 4th: Don't you dare fucking talk about it.

You go back to the school on a bus for your parents to pick you up and you are led into the chapel for one "final prayer" it's then that you are stampeded at down the hallway by all the other students who have already been through Kairos. That was also very special, like the letters moment. Just a WALL of over a hundred other teenagers running straight for you screaming. My boyfriend was there and picked me up and spun me around it was really sweet and nice. Trainwreck of love.

AND NOW FOR SOME INSIDER KNOWLEDGE FROM SOMEONE WHO SPENT A WEEK AS A CULT LEADER STUDENT DISCUSSION LEADER:

Every night after we'd send the students to bed, all the teachers and student leaders would convene in this other, side cabin like a high council. It was there that we'd review how the day went, how our breakout and small group discussions went, things we were observing in our flock student group, things we wanted advice and guidance on, etc. They were nice meetings. We'd have snacks. It'd be fun etc.

BUT. MY FAVORITE PART OF THESE MEETINGS. WE'D TALK ABOUT OUR NEXT TARGETS. WE'D TALK ABOUT WHO IN OUR GROUPS WE THOUGHT WAS CLOSE TO "BREAKING." AKA OPENING UP TO BARE THEIR SOUL AND CONNECT TO THE OTHER STUDENTS. TO LIKE. SPILL ALL THEIR BEANS.

WE WOULD DISCUSS STRATEGIES TO HELP BREAK THEM.

"Oh yeah I think letters night tomorrow is gonna break Chris enough to open up at the naked fire dance."

"Kelsey is SO CLOSE to getting there I think she'll break through tomorrow morning."

"Yeah I think Ryan just needs his space but I can tell he'll come around so we'll not push we'll just gently continue to offer."

HELLO???

I'M SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD AND IN A ROOMFUL OF OTHER STUDENTS AND MY TEACHERS TALKING ABOUT HOW TO PSYCHOLOGICALLY MANIPULATE OTHER STUDENTS INTO SHARING SECRETS ABOUT THEMSELVES???

And again, never even thought that was weird or culty until now. Just thought I was helping my fellow students get the most out of Kairos. And you're not supposed to talk about Kairos, btw.

Anyways. TL;DR it was a really great experience for me and taught me a lot about empathy for others and self love, however there were definitely more than a few ethical violations and things that now raise a number of concerns for me as an adult that I think will never get fully addressed.

And that's how I helped to lead a cult for a week!

[landinoandco]

Could I ask for a Max Verstappen request?

Where you get all excited to tell him you’re pregnant and it doesn’t go well. Could you make it super angsty

Of course you can :) here you go, I hope you enjoy! 

Max Verstappen x reader 

Warnings: angst but with fluff at the end

Word count: 2.2 k 

Requests are open...

Baby, the future is ours

At last the summer break had rolled around again, to the relief of the Formula one drivers and crew, they had 3 long weeks ahead of them to fill with whatever they deemed stress-free or relaxing. The subject of activity depending on person to person - most sane folk tended to stick to a holiday to Greece or if you were an adrenaline junkie like Daniel Ricciardo jumping out of planes or BMX biking. You had lost count of the times Max - your boyfriend - had rushed in to tell you about all of the exciting things his best friend had gotten up to as of late. 

You and Max had decided to take a break and travel to a cosy, quiet part of Italy - to escape the press, the stress and most importantly the eagle eye of social media. It would just be you and him for a few weeks before reality brought you back to Milton Keynes in the shape of Christian Horner and his motley crew. 

You and Max had met in 2018 at a gala event Redbull had hosted, Pierre Gasly - being a close friend of yours - had introduced you two and to say the pair of you hit it off instantly was an understatement, whether it was a mixture of the Dutch meets British humour you had no clue but you weren’t one to complain. A few months later and Max had asked you to travel around the world with him - you did so willingly and life had been nearing perfect ever since. Of course you had your ups and downs, where the universe seemed to really test not only your love for one and other but your patience. A few arguments had shown you that both being hot-headed never ended well. 

You were sat out on the balcony, a book in hand and looking out into the Italien countryside. Max had left for a run and to explore the local village, leaving you, your thoughts and your growing baby. You were pregnant - you had taken the test just before flying out, this meant that Max wasn’t aware. You hadn’t told him yet and you had no clue how you were going to. As it turns out telling your partner you were pregnant was easier said than done - ironically. 

You and Max hadn’t had the baby talk yet - you had but only along the lines of: “one day, when we’re older and married and driving isn’t the main priority anymore.” Those were Max’s words. He wanted to be there for his child, to watch him or her grow, to see every milestone but most importantly to be a good and nurturing father. 

There was part of you that was slightly worried because you just didn’t know how Max would take it - you couldn’t keep it in any longer though. You had to tell him. There was another part of you that was excited - from a very young age you knew you wanted to have a family of your own with the person you loved the most. Call it childish naivety. At this point in time, you were ready to become a mother - well as ready as anyone ever could be. 

Placing your book onto the table, you made your way into the kitchen, grabbed a glass and filled it. Sighing loudly as you leant onto the countertop. 

“That was a loud sigh.” A voice called out from behind you. You recognised it instantly. Whipping your head around, you saw Max standing there, wiping the sweat from his forehead. 

Chuckling, you hit back, “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

Rolling his eyes, he made his way over to you and wrapped his arms around your middle, placing a sweet, chaste kiss onto the side of your head. Leaning into his warm embrace, you let out another long but content sigh. 

“Seriously, what is it with you and sighing today.” Max uttered, his lips still against the side of your head. 

You went to move forward, out of his welcoming embrace. You knew what you had to do. 

“There’s something I need to tell you.” Instantly the atmosphere changed, you could feel Max stiffen behind you. Maybe the tone you chose to make that comment in was too serious but it was now or never. 

“Haha, which of your friends is pregnant this time.” He quipped jokingly, trying to break the tension. 

Instantly you knew the way the conversation was going to end, a pang of hurt felt in your stomach. You squeezed your eyes shut, catching your lip with your teeth. He stood there with an air of innocence and unknown, concern dancing in his eyes - he went to reach his arm out to you, to offer that encouragement. 

You braved the words that came out of your lips, “Me.” You almost whispered. Time seemed to slow. Max dropped his arm and instantly took a step back. 

“Pardon.” Was the only thing he could force out of his mouth, his throat seemed to close up and his hands went clammy. He definitely heard you the first time but he wanted to make sure it wasn’t a night terror. A bad dream he had failed to wake from. 

“I am, Max,” You said again, your voice wavering. 

“Oh.” He stated, his face drained of colour, his mouth set in a straight line. 

“Is that all you have to say.” You swallowed thickly, your eyes swam with tears. You had a hunch this was how it was going to end but it didn’t stop is from hurting the way it did. You had hoped he would have proved you wrong, to have wrapped his arms around you and to have spun you around. To have laughed. To have cried. To have shown a little more excitement to the fact you were now carrying his child. His first child. 

You moved past him and sat down on one of the wooden chairs, rubbing your hands over your face. He was still stood there. His eyes fixated on the view out of the window. No emotion read in his eyes. It was almost like you had hit the ‘off’ button. He tapped his foot and made a clicking noise with his mouth before turning around to face you - meeting your gaze. 

“How long have you known.” His voice was hoarse.

“A couple of days before we flew out.” You answered him, moving your face back to rest in your hands. 

There was a pause. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner.”

You took a breath, looking him dead in the eye. “Because I knew this was how you were going to react.” You didn’t trust your voice at all, you also didn’t know whether you wanted to scream at him or cry in the corner. 

“Right.” Was all he said. Still stood there like some awkward teenager after a rather large telling off from their mother. 

“Is that all you have to say to me?” You asked him, nostrils flaring. You were allowed to be angry, right? 

“What do you expect me to say.” He rounded on you, his voice raising more than was necessary. Tears had spilled down your cheeks, you didn’t have the energy to fight back. As soon as he realised the effect this was having on you, he went to move forward again, his eyes softening instantly. “I’m sorry - I - I shouldn’t have raised my-”

“Get out, Max.” You stated lowly. By this point, you had stood up, shuddering away from his desperate grasp. He knew he had made a mistake. You knew he regretted it, the moment the words had left his mouth. 

“Get out?” He repeated quietly, his voice cracking, you could see tears glazing his vision. 

“Just - please, go on a walk - come back once you have more to say to me.” You spat.

“But - But I already have more to say-” You cut his rambling off once again. 

“Please. Max.” You insisted, your voice betraying you again. “Go.” You whispered. 

Max stormed out of the door, ensuring to slam it so hard the chandelier on the ceiling swung precariously. You sank back into your chair and let out a loud sob, unable to hold it in any longer. 

Max was mad. Not at you, that would be unfair. He was mad at himself. At the world. At everything actually because at this point why the hell not. You were pregnant - don’t get him wrong, he was over the moon. He was going to be a dad. 

It was too soon. 

He still had his full F1 career ahead of him. A promising and long F1 career as a matter of fact. He wanted a baby to be his main priority and he wanted to share those one in a lifetime moments with you. He knew there was no point in being mad, it wasn’t like they were in a position where they couldn’t have a child. They had plenty of things to offer, a nurturing home with parents who were head over heels in love with each other and a large family - blood and not - who would be willing to support and love the child as if it was their own. Max really was in love with you. He knew it would be you to mother his children in the end, he just didn’t think it would be now. 

He reached for his phone, went into his contacts and pressed on the number that read the name: “D.R new phone.” Whilst it wasn’t adventurous like many thought it would be, it saved the confusion from calling a number that no longer existed. 

Daniel picked up on the second ring. “Hey dude, how’s it going?” 

“Not good at all, Dan, not good at all.” Max admitted, his voice wavering once again. He explained the events that had happened a mere 5 minutes ago, the way he reacted and the way he left you. Hurt and alone.

“I’m not going to lie to you, mate, you’ve fucked up big time.” Dan spoke after what felt like a loud silence. After all, Daniel knew you just as well as he knew Max. 

“I know. I know I have, do you think I’ve been selfish?” He asked, his tone full of raw emotion. 

“Yes.” Dan stated simply, “I think you have been, especially since she even told you this is how she thought you would react. How much stress do you think she had been putting on herself? Come one, I’ve taught you to be better than this.” Daniel paused, Max could almost hear him place his thumb and ring finger onto the bridge of his nose. “You know, just as well as I know, she knows it isn’t the best time. Her becoming pregnant is very much a two person job, I think it’s time that you go back to her and have a conversation like the adult I know you are.” 

In that moment, Max was so grateful to have someone like Dan just a call away. “Thank you, Dan. Really. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

“Alright Mr Father-to-be, don’t be going all soppy on me now.” Daniel joked, returning back to his normal teasing. That was the best thing about Daniel, he was quite useful when you needed him to be. 

“You can count yourself on being the godfather after that.” Max added, a large beaming smile plastered onto his face. 

He heard Dan let out a loud laugh, “Go on, leave me be. Good luck, mate, let me know how it goes and when the time is right tell her I say congrats.” 

“Of course, mate. Thank you, again.” Max muttered, looking back in the direction of the villa. After he hung up, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and ambled slowly - working out exactly what he was going to say to you. 

Once he had opened the door, he called out to you. “Babe?” He heard a sniffle in response. You were still slumped on the chair in the kitchen, shooting daggers at the cupboard opposite. 

Max sat opposite you, reaching out for your hand. Grudgingly you let him take it, you blinked and he took a deep breath before a large, beaming smile crept onto his face.

“We’re going to be parents.” He rubbed the back of your hand, speaking tentatively. You nodded, your lower lip trembled. Max stood up, still keeping a hold of your hand as he gave it a slight tug, indicating that you should stand up. You made your way into his embrace, his arms wrapping securely around you, tucking your face into the crook of your neck as he rocked gently side to side, burying his face into your hair. He then moved his hands to cradle your face, wiping the stray tears away before peppering your face with feather light kisses. 

“We’re going to be parents.” He repeated, a little louder and to this you let out another sob, laughing as he picked you up and spun you around. 

“I’m sorry. I was being selfish.” He said, as he wrapped you back up into his arms. You smiled into his chest. In that moment, you couldn’t be happier. It was like all of your childhood dreams had come true. In that kitchen stood your new family, mismatched and sometimes a little bit broken but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[mt-words]

Can we get some dream smp fandom positivity posts? As someone who posts mostly analysis and has never once had someone say anything rude in response, I think we perceive the fanbase as more toxic than it is because of a few outspoken individuals. Y'all are pretty chill and I like you.

In no particular order-

I love that Eret’s fans come up with such cool theories, I swear she could give you two sentences of lore and I could see three five page essays on what it could mean about their character within an hour and each of them is unique, intricate, and makes logical sense.

I love the compilations Foolish fans make of him doing ridiculous things on stream, he’s a fun guy that never fails to make me laugh and everything I see from them embodies that energy to me.

I love how creative Hannah’s fans are, you take the awesome ideas she has and turn them into the most amazing designs and concepts.

I love that Techno’s fans might write a ten page essay about his character or just say they enjoy watching him do crime, and you never know which it will be because both come from the same people.

I love how Philza’s fans embrace everything he does with so much enthusiasm. His chat is a flock of crows? Excellent, they can work with that, you will see fifty incredible pieces of art and a hundred theories in the first hour and they’re just getting started.

I love that Niki’s fans are so careful to pay attention and not miss any details. It has been ages and I still see occasional mentions and theories about the “Dear Friend” letter.

I love that Fundy’s fans are very empathetic, they love to find and elaborate on the connections between characters and that’s pretty cool!

I love Tommy’s fans for their energy. They seem passionate about making things right and hopeful that no matter what your situation is things can get better. I’ve seen so many breathtakingly emotional art pieces from this side of the fandom.

I love that George’s fans unapologetically simp for him but then catch me off guard by making deep insights about his character.

I love how Bad’s fans are as genuinely sweet as he is, they’re willing to really look at everything that makes up a character and see the tragedy of it and have compassion about things. And some just want to see an egg rule the server, c'mon, it would be funny.

I love the running gag with Skeppy fans of making Skeppy critical posts, y’all are hilarious.

I love how Purpled fans play up his lack of lore as him being an incredibly powerful cryptid, and they’re right. He totally carried the wither fight on Nov 16th.

I love the balance Quackity fans have between a love of humor, justice, and darker topics. I think like Quackity they are often underestimated and thought of as the jokester side of the fandom to an extent, and then I start reading things they write and it’s well thought out and insightful.

I love that Tubbo’s fans love chaos, cute things, or both to an unhealthy extent. Seeing anything from them reminds me of princess unikitty in all the best ways, and then they turn around and throw a super in depth meaningful analysis at me in the next breath.

I love everything about Sapnap’s fans. Y'all are perfect. The writing and art from the born in fire line? Gold.

I love how Jschlatt fans are generally chill and just enjoy whatever they want to. Their favorite Manburg president was the one who publicly executed his right hand man and gave Dream a resurrection book for firepower, and he looked good doing it.

I love that Callahan has fans. You people are dedicated and I respect it. The fact that Callahan was one of the first names to pop up when everyone was trying to figure out who Harpocrates was even though he rarely involves himself with plot? Your influence knows no bounds.

I love that Alyssa’s fans are simply too powerful. She hasn’t played on the smp since way before I started watching and there are still people defending her barn and drawing pictures of her.

I love that Antfrost’s fans have taken so many ideas and just ran with them and made them awesome. Like him practicing magic? Perfect, he now carries potions and gets a wizard hat.

I love that Dream fans look at a character who has been portrayed as pure evil from many points of view and understand that Everyone has motives based on their situation, even if it isn’t handed to us in an easily understood way.

I love how Jack’s fans are so ready to support any action he takes. Crawling out of hell? Incredible. Killing a child? Good for him! Go team Rocket. Grieving the same child? Learning healthy coping, he’s the coolest.

I love that Connor eats Pants fans are the most reasonable people in this fandom. This is terrifying. Thank you for your service, you always make me smile.

I love that Punz fans unapologetically just love their capitalist mercenary. As they should, his presence always tips the scales and everything he does brings more depth to the characters and plots he interacts with.

I love how much Ranboo fans love complexity. Most of them aren’t afraid to admit that their favorite characters are flawed, because aren’t those flaws what make them interesting and relatable?

I love the variety of Hbomb fans. Half of them may be embracing the cat maid bit while the other half goes on about how impactful and cool L’cast is, but they’re all super chill.

I appreciate that Puffy fans take the time to understand so many perspectives. So many posts I see involving her tie in lore from other characters and find interesting ways to connect them and build them together, kind of like Puffy herself.

I love that Wilbur fans seem to approach the story like they’re solving a puzzle, carefully piecing together details from months apart to figure out how and why everything goes down.

I love how hard Ponk fans work to spread awareness of how awesome he is. Ponk says and does wonderful things and is very fun to watch. I never would have tried his content without them.

I love that Karl fans saw him wanting to be involved and started coming up with such cool ideas around his character that they actually made them canon. Correct me if I’m wrong, wasn’t the time traveler thing a fan theory at first?

I love the creativity Sam fans have with his design and their willingness to discuss complex moral issues. Sam is involved in some heavy lore stuff but he and his fans keep things entertaining and calm.

I’m sure I missed some things, please feel free to add on!