#the fact i still know the exact spelling of both their names says a lot

[multiples-fandomswontkillme]

Posting all the old and new KsB fanart I've done cuz I can't be bothered to make multiple posts. Hate these poor communicating, toxic, married fuckers so muchhh

Morinaga would absolutely be a mitski fan, I just know it.

I hc Morinaga is Mexican-Japanese and moreno, so that's why his skin tone is darker, and I also hc Hiroto as a gay transman just cuz

Dont follow me for KsB tho, I don't like them as much as before, plus god, nostalgia can only do so much for them, 14 year old me had no capacity for critiquing and analyzing media, and god I got so many complaints abt these 2 now, I could talk for hours.

[shannendoherty-fans]

March 1993 - US magazine

Interview by Margy Rochin, photos by Lou Salvatore.

The Us Interview: Shannen Doherty (part 3)

(Part 1 – Part 2)

While we're on the subject of high-profile men, let's run through some names of people you've been linked with romantically. Marky Mark?

I went out with Mark two times, with a group of people, as friends.

Jason Priestley? 'US' printed a photo of you two liplocked after the 1991 Emmys.

Really kissing?No, Jason and I probably kissed each other, but I don0t think it was really kissing. I don't think there was any saliva involved. People might get confused because we're very affectionate with one another and that's only because we absolutely adore each other.

You were engaged to a young man named Chris Foufas. What happened?

Idecided that I was too young to get married. Chris is a great person who I love as a friend very much. I think our friendship overtook the romance, and we both weren't ready for that step.

What's the first sign that you know you're in live?

I'll do absolutely anything for that person. If somebody pointed a gun at them, I'd throw muself in front so they wouldn't die. I can forgive the person that I've been dating recently, I feel the exact same way for.

His name is –

I'd rather prefer that no names be mentioned. He knows who he is.

What's the most painful lesson you're learned about romantic love?

Oh, I don't know, I've been through so much in that department... I think the lesson that I learned is that you can't drop everything for one person. I've done that and that person has broken up with me,and I've had nothing. I'd stopped talking to my friends. You can't do that. You've got to say, "I've got my own life, my own identity." I think guys in relationships can be so much more casual than women.

You've gotten a lot of flak for leading the Pledge of Allegiance at the Republican National Convention. What attracted you to the Republican Party?

Without getting too much into it, because I realize at this point it's probably beat to keep my politics to myself...

Wait a second. Don't you think that you made your politivs public when you decided to attend the convention?

The thing is that this is a free country, and nobody should be criticized for their politivcal beliefs. We're all allowed to have our own opinons... I'm a conservative. I was an avid supporter of Ronald Reagan; I thought he was fabulous. I still think [Bush has] been a good president. I realize that the majority of people in the entertainment business happen to be Democrats. I have no problem with that. And they should have no problem with the fact that I'm a Republican.

Do you think that some people might have taken issue with the fact that you were a young female supporting a party that had not proven itself to be particularly pro-woman?

I don't think that the Republican Party is against women. I don't know how George Bush personally feels on abortion. I have some idea and, from what I understand, he isn't really opposed to abortion. However, the Republican platform was therefore he had to conform to what they wanted.

So you're saying that you're pro-choice?

I would say I'm pro-choice only because I don't feel that it's right that anybody in this world puts restrictions on anyone, whether it be a woman or a man. I think some people are somewhat worried because abortion is legal, it's so easy. It's just like, "Oh, it's no big deal because I can just go get an abortion." That's not really being a very responsible person. But I don't think that that choice should be taken away from anybody. I'm definitely pro-choice.

In a readers poll in a recent issue of 'Sassy' magazine, you beat Roseanne Arnold and Tori Spelling as "TV Actress Whose Inner Child Is Most Wounded." What do you think thia award says about who they think you are?

I have absolutely no idea. My inner child is not wounded.

Wait. I'm not sure you understand the term correctly. The definition of an inner child might be that everyone has a public self and a true authentic self, which is still inside of us, that was developed when we were a child.

Then maybe it's true. If there is such a thing as an inner child, I don't see how anybody could have so much bad press and not have their inner child wounded. But I had a wonderful childhood. My parents were a dream to me.

What approach do you use to slough off bad press?

I think you're constantly telling yourself you'll ignore it, you'll let it roll off your back, you won't let it affect you – but it does. You read stuff about yourself and you just think, "My God, where are these people coming up with these things? And why am I the one that they're picking on, all of a sudden? Out of all people, why me?" I'm the person who stops and gives any homeless person any money that they want. So if does affect you, but you just have to keep believing in yourself, I guess.

Why should we like you?

I'm not saying that anybody should like me. Everybody is more than welcome to have their own opinion. All I'm saying is give me a chance before you form that opinion. [Pause] It sounds really weird to give you a list of why people should like me. Like tooting your own horn. I could tell you what my good qualities are. There's my honesty; I have a very wacky, kind of dry humor that a lot of people don't get to see; I'm the best friend a person could ever have; I'm very compassionate; I try and helppeople out as much as possible; I really care about this world, about the people in it, and I just want what's best for everyone; I take on absolutely everybody's problems and take care of everyone – I have a very maternal side. I'm basically a very norma,, down-to-earth person, and if people meet me, they agree. They're like, "Wow, you're nothing like people say you are..."

What is the most ridiculous thing you've read about yourself?

That I'm an alcoholic is completely ridiculous. There's so many things, I don't know where to start. I've had so much happen that it's hard to trust people.

There's something that's been bothering me throughout our conversation, and that is the assigning of blame to other people. How responsible do you feel for what has happened to you? Be numerically specific.

I probably feel fifteen percent responsible. In my first year on the show – which was two-and-a-half years ago – I was overwhelmed by so much responsibility and pressure that I didn't handle things in a very diplomatic manner. I took everything to heart. That hasn't happened since the first year of the show, and it's just now coming back to me. I've learned to be very diplomatic. Now it's just like a tidal wave. It's people either needing money,so they sell stories to the Enquirer, or they're jealous of me so they sell storues, or people just making up bulls---. So it is just a tidal wave of things happening and happenning and happening that I don't feel very responsible for.

Delta Burke once said, "I wouldn't be producing if it weren't for bad press." Is this the upside to your situation?

I got the opportunity to meet Delta Burke – we did a literacy show at the White House forMr. Bush. She told me, "Just do what you believe in. Look at me: I have my own TV show now and I deal with nice people, that's what it's all about." So that's sort of what I'm doing at this point, I'm learning.

What's the biggest lesson that you've learned?

To... be... very... clear. To be diplomatic, and to be very careful. There is so much focus on you that you can't just do and say whatever you feel. You have to watch everything that you do and everything that you say.

Have you learned to apologize?

I will apologize if I've done something wring. But if I have not done something wrong, I will not apologize.

Would you give up your notoriety for a little bit of slack?

Yeah, I would. If that means quit acting,no. If it means staying home,better believe it! I'll lock myself in my house for a little slack.

Do you feel the tide is turning for or against you at this point?

Probably against.

You think it's going to get worse?

I don't know how much worse it can get.

What were some of your New Year's resolutions?

Quit smoking. [Takes a drag] Going real well. Get healthy. [Pauses] And somehow turn this thing around.

[saintsenara]

Hi! for the Snape asks game I propose you 1, 4, 45, 46, 48 and 49 . If that's too much you can cut it and keep only the ones you find interesting :))

thank you very much for the ask, @big-scary-bird! all of these were interesting :)

also tagging @bronzeagepizzeria here, since you asked the exact same sequence of questions.

[snape ask game here]

1. do you have a snOTP? what is it?

in an extremely cultured move… it’s severus snape/lord voldemort. i just think they belong together! once they move past the whole ‘using nagini to rip your throat out’ thing…

voldemort is obviously incredibly fond of snape - not only because he must recognise so much of himself in him (feral working-class children with muggle names and disappointing dads need to stick together, after all), but because they have a shared attitude towards magic, the defining force in both of their lives.

voldemort describes himself in goblet of fire as someone who dabbles in creating potions, we know he’s a great inventor of spells, and we - of course - know that he’s someone who’s experimented deeply with all sorts of magic, macabre or otherwise. in this, he understands snape’s attitude towards magic exactly - it’s clear in canon that one of the tensions between snape and dumbledore prior to half-blood prince is that dumbledore cannot countenance someone having even a theoretical interest in dark magic. but snape clearly does, even as his willingness to use that magic to harm and control disappears.

voldemort can appreciate that - it’s what he’s talking about when he tells harry that there is no good and evil, only power - and i can very easily picture the two of them ending up in bed together the first time when a discussion about potions theory got out of hand. you can decide for yourself if voldemort is still hot at this scenario…

it’s also clear from canon that voldemort is one of the few people in snape’s life who takes an active interest in improving it - snape must become a death eater because voldemort offers him a chance to transcend the restrictive class structure which rips opportunities away from poor half-bloods unless they have a slughorn-esque patron - which i think is an aspect of his personality which is too often overlooked.

plus - the adult snape clearly models how he speaks and comports himself on voldemort (seriously, they have near-identical speech patterns, they get a lot of the same movement and dialogue descriptors), which is cute. maybe the dark lord took him shopping for his first set of bat-like robes. (he did - he was getting sick of the brown corduroy bell-bottoms which snape was obsessed with in the seventies.)

and - of course - the reason that snape is the only death eater to whom voldemort teaches the principle of unaided flight is because they were going on lots of romantic midnight swoopings over the countryside. i love that for them.

4. do you think snape remained a virgin?

i don’t think it matters either way, but i think it is worth interrogating why saying no to this question often provokes the response that, if snape had slept around, then his love for lily would no longer be as profound or legitimate as it would have if he’d never had anyone else since he couldn’t have her.

the harry potter fandom has a real issue with conflating sex and love [just see any discussion of whether voldemort actually slept with bellatrix, even though it’s canon that he did] and with having slightly puritanical views on people having meaningless sex for no reason other than the fact that they enjoy it [it feels like every time i see a character written as promiscuous in something, it’s always because they have a reason™, usually a traumatic one, rather than because fucking is fun]. but indulging in sex for physical pleasure and pleasure alone does not make you any less capable of being stalwartly committed to the mission you took for yourself in honour of the dead love of your life. it’s just sex.

so no, i don’t think snape remained a virgin. all teachers need to blow off steam every once in a while, and i think he probably had a sequence of one night stands while on the piss in knockturn alley which meant nothing to him. i’m sure his capacity for self-loathing meant that he felt very bad for doing so, but that sounds like a him problem.

[as an aside, it also seems to me that the scepticism about whether snape had a casual sex life is also rooted in the fact that he’s canonically unattractive - whereas the fact that many people headcanon sirius, who i think was actually infinitely more likely not to have slept with anyone, since he spent his teen years pining for james and his sowing-wild-oats years in azkaban, as a womaniser is entirely because he’s described as hot - but ugly people get to bone too.]

45. what is your opinion on snape's sexuality?

snape’s a bi disaster.

i am convinced, for example, that his canonical vibe with sirius is caused by the fact that he fancies him - he loves acting up in an attempt to get sirius’ attention (him making excuses to pop into grimmauld place to neg sirius about how he’s spending all his time cleaning… immaculate), despite the fact that the way he behaves around lupin suggests that he ought to be avoidant of him, given their history.

plus, his obvious thing for powerful men is what gets him into trouble in the first place. lord voldemort only had to flutter his eyelashes a couple of times and snape was done for… and when it comes to dumbledore, well you know what they say about men with supremely powerful wands…

46. which of the marauders do you think snape could have gotten along with?

sirius, for the reason outlined above.

48. did you feel that snape was the "good guy" even before the reveal?

answered here - the tl;dr is that i did because i'm built different.

49. do you prefer tall!snape or short!snape?

snape is, canonically, a short king. he’s five-eight and feral and i love that for him.

[thespianinthebackcorner]

Half of this theory's been around for ages I'm just adding more but

Is this anything. I know the theory of Toni Kensa (which could easily be short/nickname for Tataki Kensaki, making both canon) and the Squid Sisters being related but.

Is it any coincidence that one of the promo characters literally has the exact same name with the exact same spelling and coincidentally is seen using. A charger (Marie's weapon) in the Direct he was first seen in. I'm gonna call him Saki with this because what else can I do when he refuses to tell me if it's his last name or not

I'm already going too far with this but there's also the fact that he primarily wears greyscaled colours (cough Toni Kensa before the Kensa brand existed). And I've heard people say the hipster cut is a budget Marie cut before. So that's A Thing.

I don't know what's going on and we haven't seen Saki in five years anyway so I don't know why I'm theorising now but I just find it weird that. The family crest on Marie's kimono, Toni Kensa, and now some random kid all share the same name. Especially since S2's main story mode puts this emphasis on family (Callie & Marie). And the fact that everyone who's ever modelled for Kensa has used black ink, implying that Kensa himself probably has black tentacles (like Callie does) or even white ones (like Marie.) and the greyscaled tentacles could easily be a family thing that just happens as you get older. Especially with the family thing since we know it doesn't happen to everyone (Captain 3 doesnt have greyscaled tentacles despite being older now than the Squid Sisters were in S1.) If it's true then that would mean the greyscaling happens around at least 17 years, which explains why S2 Saki has regular colours because he'd be 15-16 at the time (S2 protagonists are two years older than S1 protagonists are.) (I just realised my logic on that one is way off base and they'd actually be around eighteen by S2 but roll with me here. It still works, he'd just be a late bloomer.)

Anyhoo ive been high on this theory for like an entire day now but suffice to say. (1) Saki should've been the protagonist of S2 (2) in my head it's canon that the Squid Sisters, Saki and Toni Kensa are cousins (3) wait that kinda fits because the gaudy pair of black bracelets on Saki's shirt feel very Kensa (4) I'm going insane help.

Having said that, if it is canon that raises the question why didn't Marie directly ask Saki for help with Callie- but she could very well have not wanted to worry him or put him in danger, especially since S2 was kinda his time in the spotlight as a turf war player, especially since that's the one point in the timeline where neither the Squid Sisters nor Toni Kensa were getting attention. Now that I think about it, there's no real confirmation that Cuttlefish's family stopped with Callie and Marie's parents, and them two respectively. For all we know, Saki is Marie's little brother or something like that. For all we know there could even be four cousins to the Kensaki clan instead of the two Squid Sisters.

I'm gonna write a fic based on this actually. Do y'all wanna hear more of my crack theories about the promo kids because I also have one highlighting the fact that (a.) Tof-U and Kensaki seem to be opposing each other a lot (second in command to their leaders and/or killing each other midmatch) and also the fact that Half-Rim and N-Pacer are literally what happens if you give them fanchildren

Yes I am insane

Sorry

[f0point5]

So when talking about 2023 I think the idea isn’t that Charles “dragged it up there” in term of speed. The SF-23 was considered fast in qualifying like you said because it didn’t have to deal with its tire degradation.

Instead he dragged it up there because the SF-23 was a car that has the fraises: “notoriously unpredictable”, “unreliable”, “chronic understeer mid-corners”, “instability”, “unwanted moment under breaking”, “complicated” all attributed to its name when it came to its behaviour and drivability.

In other words: Ferrari have often produced a fast car. That doesn’t mean the cars haven’t got a history of being shitboxes in nearly every other departments.

The amount of times post testing, qualifying, race you would have Charles and/or Carlos saying that neither they nor the team really understood why the car behaved as it did, both when it was good (aka the surprise that was Mexico qualifying, just giving it your all and for once have the car compliying) and when it was bad (see: Charles in Spain actually questioning if there’s was something seriously wrong with the car because of how badly it was behaving, and the mechanics and engineers not finding that unrealistic/believing him because their also didn’t understand the car). Even at the end of the year this was still a problem (looking at Abu Dhabi qualifying Q3 Charles first lap time).

To top that off the only way for the SF-23 to be somewhat predictable was with an understeer setup, which is the exact opposite setup of what Charles drives with.

None of this spell out a car which you, at speeds of 350 km/h throwing it around corners cm for the wall, would fully trust, feel comfortable or even be capable of giving and maintaining control of that extra insane push which is needed for a pole position.

Yet he managed 5 poles, the same amount of poles as the rest of the grid (minus max) combined.

Considering all this is I think why many agree with the sentiment that putting that car on pole is in deed “dragging it up there” when dealing with 1) a car you hate (he actually confirmed it’s testing was the worst testing of his carrier, even though he drove the awful SF1000 from 2020). 2) the disadvantage of spending so much of practice trying a large amount of setups because the car just won’t work with the type you usually have, and on top of that is so intolerant that it has trouble working with most setups in general (and starting this process all over again every race, because again no one really understands the car so who knows how it will behave on a different track) . And 3) a car that despite all that effort still is extremely unpredictable.

This came out very matter of fact but is meant as a different point of view.

Fair points. Although there were moments where the unpredictability/lack of trust in the car led to Charles binning it, which to my recollection Carlos didn’t.

I still think on his best day, Charles is the fastest of the grid over one lap. I do think the importance of that is overstated by a lot of his fans though. Because they don’t hand out points for breaking the sound barrier when 19 other cars are getting out of the way for you.

In equal machinery (by this I mean machinery equally optimised for the driver’s preferences), there’s still a few drivers I would put ahead of Charles in a title fight just in terms of their mentality, and their completeness as drivers over a season. And I think some of that is because Charles hasn’t had the experience of being in an efficient team, in the right car. There’s certain things you can only pick up when you’re in the best possible position. Regardless, I think there’s still space for growth. His talent is head and shoulders above nearly everyone on the grid, but as a complete package idk if I’d say he was.

I’m interested to see what he does with the car this year considering he was so positive after testing.

[alinedreams]

A few more pearls from yours truly, for writing reference:

Forgetting the word in Portuguese AND English alike and then having to do gestures and mimicry until I remember the word in either Spanish or Japanese (which are languages I'm not as fluent in) and I'm like 😐

Mess up with "in", "on", "at" and "by" all the time because the Pirtuguese versions for those can have switcharoos sometimes

Exaggerate on "that"s because Portuguese uses words which would translate to it a whole darn lot

Saying "in special" (which doesn't exist in English, Ive been informed) instead of "specially"/"especially" because "em especial" and "especialmente" work under different contexts in Portuguese

Switching "error" and "mistake" all the time (when appliable) because Portuguese DOES NOT have different words for both (and in fact it does lead to some serious mess ups because we end up seeing every little mistake as the same as medical errors and vice-versa)

Sometimes literally translating ENGLISH IDIOMS to Portuguese despite Portuguese being my natural language, much to the confusion of plenty of IRL people

Sometimes not finding a term in Portuguese and having to use one in English to express my exact feelings at the moment ("awkward" and "creepy" being very good examples of precise English feelings that aren't as precise in Portuguese) and vice-versa ("nostalgia" just doesn't work as well with "saudade" under several contexts, the vibe ends up being very off)

Struggling with the fact "yonder" isn't nowhere near as used as "lá" and having to conflate both "ali" and "lá" as "there"; And yes, that's something Japanese people also struggle with, with ここ (koko), そこ (soko) and あそこ (asoko) meaning the same as "aqui", "ali" and "lá", or rather, "here", "there" and "there" again (or rather, the criminally underused "yonder", which is something that should definitely come back into mainstream English)

Accidentally misusing slang, swear words and even slurs because of heavy cultural differences (trust me, "viado" can be used in a far more endearing/friendly tone than "fag" depending on context, sure, but it's ALSO a slur and sometimes we forget homophobia exists and mistranslate the word, causing a lot of Very Troublesome Consequences; and yes, オカマ (okama) goes in a third, more hecked up vein in which it's ALSO used as an official gender vernacular by part of the community but is still very much a slur against gay men; the closest equivalent I can work here that would tie somewhat to both cases is "queer"). By the way? I learned the hard way that "bitch" is, under certain contexts, an unfair translation to "puta" and "whore" is a heavier word than "bitch" and would be a far more accurate translation in those contexts. "Bitch" would be somewhat more accurately translated as "vadia", which is slightly less heavy than "puta". Trust me, misunderstanding and misusing slangs, swear words and slurs is a great source of literary conflict when applied correctly.

Having trouble with puns. Like, trying to translate a pun or wordplay in a Portuguese post or news article to English and vice-versa so people around me can understand what the heck is going on is... Downright impossible. I have to literally explain the joke, which is an excellent way of killing the joke! But, in this case, it's akin to just pointing at an already dead horse and explaining why it died.

Pronouncing words of a foreign language with the correct accent, causing much confusion to the speakers of the target language I'm using at the moment. Did you believe most people here in Brazil spell "app"'s every single letter like it's an acronym ("apepê") and WILL look weird at you if you use the correct pronunciation? Did you know my name is spelled more like "ah-leen" than "a line"? Did you know 怖い (kowai) and 可愛い (kawaii) are almost indistinguishable under some thick American accents but quite differently pronounced in Japanese? All of those are prone to be "comedy ensue" moments.

im going to have a stroke

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 29: Slave

Gdi, I really want to rewatch the Magnostadt Arc, like, you don't get it. I'm in the MOOD. But I promised myself to go more-or-less chronological. Like, it's one thing to kinda jump from one thing to another in some arc, but I want to rewatch the entire thing, gdi, Saya, why do we do that to ourselves.

I'd say speedrun Morgiana Arc, but it's not that much of a speedrun, plus I have a few thoughts.

But before that, I thought randomly about the Night 17, which is an almost-month timeskip. The timeskip where Alibaba does something pretty important, and Morgiana has some character development after a lifetime of being a slave, you know, some dealing with trauma... It didn't really ring a bell until a few days ago, when I was like. Wait. It's a trend. And ya bet I'll comment on the timeskips. But, man, it's already appeared so early!

I had to share this thought, now to the actual chapter.

All I wanted to point out that when Morgiana sensed something coming closer, she instinctively stopped this little girl. Imo cool characterization moment. Seemingly gently.

Yknow, for a kid in this situation, you're being very calm, little girl.

Nadja's from Balbadd! Still pretty cool that there's some of that info sprinkled here and there. Also, didn't Nadja mean Hope?

I checked, it does!

Totally random thought, I wonder if Nadja's supposed to be, like, a symbol of little Morgiana, yknow? Kinda cuz I noticed her side ponytail. And if that's the case, then tbh that's pretty cool, because this arc becomes a symbol of Morgiana saving herself. When she was little, there was nobody else to help her, but she's capable of it now.

Like I've said earlier, it's a damn good arc, but it's very isolated from others. Don't misunderstand me, it references stuff that'll come up in other arcs, but this specific arc won't be referenced much if at all later on. Which is a shame.

Kinda made me think how slavery isn't a thing in Balbadd, so maybe that's why she wasn't as freaked out. She genuinely doesn't understand what it means until Morgiana starts explaining it.

I am both curious, and at the same time, I'm not sure I want to know what Morgiana is saying.

Also, listen, I know I have a tendency to see mah boy everywhere, but I'm kind of wondering if it's the Same Face Syndrome or maybe it's just, like, how Balbadd people look. Seriously, Nadja reminds me a lot about Alibaba, when it comes to her face. It's also kinda cool, in general, bc Hope is also something associated with Alibaba and his Household. As in, according to the wiki, the name of all the spells there are a corruption of Amal, meaning hope.

Whoops.

Another thing I thoght abt is how... desensitized Morgiana feels. Tbh, I'm gonna guess she's dissociating a bit here, to focus on the situation at hand rather than get overwhelmed, which does sound like a defence mechanism she would've created under Jamil.

Mood.

But hey, the intentions are there.

Sad as shit, no surprises. But the fact that Morgiana sees herself in Nadja kinda pushes my "Nadja symbolises little Morgiana" agenda.

She's doing her best.

Same as before, she's trying.

Aaaand fake smile falls.

The next page is really sweet, but, like.

Did she kiss her forehead? ;;

Cat-vibe.

Nadja's sick & Fatima decided to get rid of her & I'm fairly certain this is the exact same thing that happened in SnB, like, disposing of a sick slave.

Aaaand there goes Nadja's sickness, I guess.

I wish Morgiana had more opportunities to emote so fucking much.

.

Finally. I have enough space in the post for Morgiana flashbacks.

I wish Magi characters had more opportunities to face their traumas. And also for that not to be timeskipped.

C minor, put it in C minor-

[iamjalen-unhinged]

Before you read: This is a long post about my ex. I promise you I am not posting this for you to read, however if you do, enjoy the ride. If not it's really just to vent and let it go. The following will have grammatical errors, and spelling errors. I don't care, I'm currently high and venting. I might delete this, I'm not really too sure. But here goes...

I got with my ex in 2019, --my last year in college-- and it has been one of the most rocky journeys of my life. I won't get into everything, but to add context to the situation I will talk about some of the bull shit that went down, but please keep in mind, parts of the stories are left out.

First, I was cheated on while I was in another country. Mind you, I was in another country because I was jump starting my marketing career post college. What was supposed to be a happy and glorious moment, and time for me was partly ruined by the fact that I got cheated on. Mind you, the nigga gave the bull shit excuse of "I need to be by myself" and brokeup with me before I even found out about the cheating. It wasn't until a month after that, his friend slipped and told me he cheated on me.

Fast forward end of 2019 going into 2020, my dumb ass starts talking to him again, I went to visit this man a whole hour away from where I live and did so a few times. One time in the mix of partying and drinking, this man calls me the other niggas name in front of all his friends. That shit was wild (I was hysterical that night)

Now you may be thinking, why are you still fucking with this man after all this? but check my technique... it's hard to let someone go bro. Especially because he was the exact opposite of what I had before (you don't even wanna know about that emotionally abusive ass story). On top of that, I was doing off the wall shit too. I just never got caught.

So fast forward again, we've both kinda matured and are in decent places in life (mentally). We decide to be cool, and spend time together and shit like that.

Though this time around, I never put my guard down. Knowing this man and the past shit he put me through, I would never let my guard down with him again. Plus in the back of my head I never thought that us being cool and spending time together would become anything more.At that time I didn't want anything more from him or from anyone, but he brung a good nut and good times. We had also both agreed (he brung up the idea) that we would not fuck other people in fear of STIs and giving it to one another. Fair, right?

WRONG

Everything was going well up until this past summer. In June, this man comes around and tells me he's going to be celibate (Bull shit). I found out in maybe September that in July (right before my birthday)... Let's just say, he broke the agreement, and exactly what we wanted to avoid, ended up happening.

So here we are in October and now this guy has a whole new situation and tbh it irritates the fuck out of me for several reasons. But I'll only list the main 2.

The first reason is... Why didn't that nigga like me? Like we had great times together and it was nothing I wouldn't have done for him, so why no matter how hard I tried this niggas just did not want me!!! and that alone is such a hard pill to swallow because I internalize it when I know I shouldn't. But I genuinely want to know, why wasn't I good enough?

Second reason, BITCH aint no way you about to prosper with this ugly ass nigga (who has the same name as me) after you did me THAT bold. Like fuck you, I hope you and that nigga rot!

...

Now granted I left A LOT of shit out, so this post may come off as the "bitter ex" but that's okay, I'm almost at the end process of letting it go.

I myself have a person that interests me, and I actually do like the person. I hope with time we can actually make something out of it. Because at this point, bitch, I deserve to be happy.

Also (you might be mad) I actually still talk to him to this day. I thought about cutting all ties with him and I still can, however, I don't think it's really necessary for me to do all that. I still value the friendship we did actually make, and I do like spending time with him. As long as no feelings are involved, I will be fine. I'm mature enough to do that, I think

....

If you actually sat and read all of this, I love you and if you want a gift (I don't have anything to offer but nudes) DM me or even like this. Thank you for taking the time. Now back to your regular scheduled programming.

[vixthefantheorist]

Was Anti formed from the Stone Slab?

Not quite a theory but a thought to chew on a bit.

You guys recall Arin talking about a stone slab to Chase in order to try to gain his trust, in Anomaly Found - Chase Brody? From that, Arin speaks of the effects the stone slab had on the residents of a small town the tablet was found in. Nose bleeds, headaches, hearing voices... and damages it can do if exposed to it for too long. People dying from it, those who were unresponsive (either mentally checked out or their brains kind of broke to the point of being a vegetable state); and those... who turned to a darker path. He doesn't quite clarify on what he means by that since 'darker path' could mean a variety of things. But it made me start thinking for a bit...

What if Anti was formed by that? Like he was just a normal resident of that town and was exposed to the influence of that stone slab like everyone else living there. While everyone else was rejecting the voices and going mad, or just dropping like flies because the power was too great... what if he was able to endure it? And in enduring it while having no one else to talk to, began to trust those voices... and embraced them? And in accepting them... he was given power from that tablet. Which is how he became the way he is? Now there's a lot of holes in this. One, kind of seems overdone and doesn't seem to fit Anti's persona in this universe. Second, we don't know if that's how the Stone Slab works... since IRIS doesn't know what voices could be saying or anything or if that's how the exposure works. And other things that could be named but eh. Hmm... wow I guess this really is gonna be a theory huh? lol I could present the exact same thought but Anti not living in the town but was of the IRIS team that went to go get the damn rock. And was exposed that way to it. And the reason I say that (for fun really, not seriously) is how well Anti seems to navigate that IRIS facility. Like he's been there before. And in the beginning of the stream of The IRIS Project that there's a terminal we're hacking through that has the password of iamhere. WHY is that the password? Could it be Anti's old terminal we're using when he worked there? Possibly. (Honestly, I doubt it that's deep... more likely than anything its just a fun a little easter egg to show that 'Ayo, Anti's here guys!' Rather than anything deeper than that. Again this version is more of a fun 'what if' than serious mode theory.) BUT still... there's a connection there (maybe)... I mean WHY would Arin bother to tell him about a funky rock when it has 'nothing' (haha I don't buy that it's nothing) to do with ALTR 114209 Arin keeps harassing Chase about? Could it be that Anti may in fact be from that tablet? Like a being that was trapped in it or formed after consuming the braincells of the residents there? (Like is he Hexxus from FernGully: The Last Rainforest? Some tar like thing/tulpa that crawled out of there?) Maybe the stone tablet was meant to be a prison that The Magic Circle (and AIMC) used to trap Anti in? But the spell holding him in there wore off and he escaped? The actual manifestation of the funky magic rock? Is there actually a connection between them? Or just a connection because both are ALTRs? (Fuck if I know, but its still a fun little thing to chew on for fun) Or could the Stone slab be a sort of gateway? Then again, if it was, you'd think Anti would focus on getting the rock rather hunt down Chase. And even if Anti and the stone pokeball were connected... what does that have anything to do with local sad dad, Chase Brody? (Probably nothing here either but hey, we don't know what Sean's got cooking up in his noggin.)

Wow. It did turn into a theory... or several theories? Sorry, I rambled there. But uh... what do you guys think on them? I'm curious to read your thoughts on the Stone Slab Arin talked about.

[twistedmusings]

I'm not going to request it now because requests are closed, but that Savanaclaw petting scenario was really cute and like,, Octavinelle petting and examining them

(,,• W •,,)

A/N: If you can pinpoint the exact moment I started to slowly doubt my writing ability and how to write these characters, I will give you, the reader, 100 points. Cause man this was rough to write when you have writer's block q wq But anyways, this was when my requests were closed BUT I WANTED TO COME THROUGH WITH IT! I would like to dedicate it to @kirayamidemon since I read their comic and it was...excellent.

But in other news, I found out that eels like to be petted!

Warnings: Eel petting, Octopus petting and all three Octavinelle members feeling a certain way when you finally give them those pats.

[Floyd-Senpai: Shrimpy~! Meet us in the mirror room tonight! Azul says he wants to give you something!] 

Your eyes look down at your phone before pocketing it back into your jacket, taking another sip of the Coral Pink drink Floyd had made for you before you left Monstro Lounge as you reminisce back on the day you just had. 

Today has been probably the most successful day the Monstro Lounge has had in a while. You had offered up the idea to Azul while you two walked to the cafeteria, mentioning touching a manta ray once and how you didn’t expect them to be so slimy. He had looked at you curiously and asked if you had just been a curious child when you were growing up, but you told him that you used to go to a lot of aquariums and how you would go straight to the petting exhibit. 

And the moment you said petting exhibit, Azul already had cashed the idea in. 

Aquariums had been placed elegantly among the tables of Monstro Lounge tonight. The smaller aquariums on the tables were closed lid, giving the customers a chance to enjoy the little ecosystems Jade had personally made for the creatures Azul had brought in while partaking in their drinks and meals. It made for a killer Magicam picture and Azul had predicted with Vil’s and Cater’s attendance the hashtag #MonstroLoungeExperience would be trending by the time they reached the dinner rush.

It trended faster than they thought. 

Most foot traffic, however, came from the piece de resistance. 

In the middle of the Lounge, a large aquarium had been placed at foot level where various customers could reach down and pet larger animals such as sting rays, sturgeon fish, starfishes and sea cucumbers. All of them with little placards stating fun facts as well as little sections with a bunch of coral that made for another perfect Magicam photo opportunity. 

It had been an amazing experience and you felt like you had almost grown closer to the three Octavinelle students, which was always an ‘A+’ in your book. 

You were pretty sure you saw Azul smiling from ear to ear by the time they closed and Floyd and Jade looked physically exhausted from having to deal with so many customers. They had been busy from opening to closing with no breaks in between so you figured that they would want to rest. 

So getting a message from Floyd so late at night had been somewhat confusing. 

But you didn’t question it, the fact that Azul wants to give you something making you ever so curious. 

Who knows, maybe if the sea creatures were still around Azul could let you pet them some more? 

Out of everyone you had probably been the most excited for the petting exhibit and you had given him the idea so the possibility of playing more with the starfishes and manta rays pushed you to move faster. 

Finishing the last of your drink and throwing it away in the nearest trash can, you push open the doors to the mirror room with a smile--!  

Only to find nobody. 

“...huh.” 

You look around, not daring to call out either of their names since, technically, you weren’t even supposed to be here. The only thing you could do was take a few steps further, looking around as you try to make some sense of the situation. 

Why wouldn’t they meet you in Octavinelle? The Monstro Lounge was there, as well as all the creatures. Azul’s office was there as well so if he wanted to give you something he could have given it to you there, so why had Floyd asked to meet them in the Mirror room? You look around for a moment before frowning as the realization set in. 

It was a prank. 

“Dammit.” 

Of course. Why would Floyd even act this nice towards you if it wasn’t to lull you into a false sense of security? The table you had sat in today had a beautiful aquarium with a bunch of little shrimps floating around and the mereel, more than once, had opened the lid and stuck his hand inside to grab one of the shrimps and hang it over his open mouth. 

You thought he was just acting this way because he was stressed from working so much but he probably had just done it to tease you! With a huff, you pull out your phone and open up his contact number to give him a piece of your mind--! 

“Aha! Shrimpy is here!” 

Only to gag as the back of your jacket is grabbed by a slimy aquamarine hand, pulling you into the nearest mirror and leaving nothing but your phone laying on the ground. 

Floyd’s hands pull you into a hug the moment you are pulled into the water, laughing as he sees you thrashing around and pulling at the arms keeping you pressed close to him. 

“Ahhhh! Shrimpy stop moving!” 

The mereel squeezes you tight, smiling as he looks down at the moment you realize who is holding you and what you are able to do. 

He grins and wraps his tail around you, the fins brushing your fingertips as the shock slowly starts to die down and the curiosity starts to set in. Floyd’s eyes shine brighter under the sea, your hand going to your chest as you expected to drown immediately but finding it simple to breathe in and out. 

“What--?!”

“Finally!” 

“There we go~ Breathe in--”

You take a deep breath. 

“And out~” 

Your chest relaxes as Floyd giggles at how wide your eyes have gotten, letting you go with his arms but his tail wrapping around one of your legs and pulling you close to him once again. He smiles when your hands go up to inspect the fins on his ears but stop as if the situation was still highly unreal for you to believe. 

He guessed humans rarely got to see the sea during the night, but he was glad he got to show you this sight. Even if it was Azul’s idea in the first place. 

Looking around, you notice that you had been here before. 

It was the Coral Sea. 

You look back at the mereel as Floyd tilts his head at your confusion, smiling as he sees the shining in your eyes get brighter when you notice that the veins in his arms and the ones going up his neck are all shining in the moonlit water. 

“Floyd…” 

Ah. You really looked too cute. Especially when you were looking at him with so much wonder. Maybe he should just take you out further and hide near the corals, somewhere Jade nor Azul would look as he preens under your attention. 

He blinks as you break out of the spell long enough to point a finger at him. 

“You--! Why did you call me to the Mirror room so late! The last thing I need to do is get in trouble with the Headmaster!” 

Floyd frowns, “You didn’t get in trouble! I pulled you when I heard your voice! Why didn’t you call out to me!” 

“Because I couldn’t see tail nor fin of you!”

Both of you stop talking after your dumb joke, looking at each other with surprise before a giggle escapes your lips first, turning into a full blown laugh between you both as he takes your hand and presses it under the fins in his ears. 

“Shrimpy was so mean today. Petting all those creatures and ignoring everything else. It made me want to eat all of them up.” 

You smile and rub right under the juncture where fins meet skin, Floyd shivering as he pulls you closer to him. 

“Eels don’t eat any invertebrates, right? You guys are mostly carnivores.” 

He grins and gives you a small squeeze. You even knew of his diet? Why hadn’t you mentioned you knew some things about sea creatures. If you had, Floyd would have dragged you to the Coral Sea way before this! He smiles as your hands go all the way down to his neck, tracing each vein slowly but not going any further than his clavicle and choosing instead to run your fingers from his shoulder blades all the way to his Adam's apple. 

“Shrimpy is being too shy. Here!” 

You gasp as Floyd grabs your hand and helps you swim over to a pair of rocks, sitting you down on top as the bottom of his tail wrapped around your legs to keep you anchored. He laughs as he practically sits on you, choosing instead to lay the top half of his tail on your lap as you look down at the shiny, swishing fins. 

“Now you can touch as much as you’d like!” 

Floyd was ready to make a joke about how this would a much better petting experience for you but his eyes widen when he sees the wonder in yours, the smile in his face disappearing as he watches your fascination with his fins, running your fingers through his caudal fin and rubbing the edges with your hand. His hands twitch as you run yours up his tail, taking in the slimy but firm feeling before looking up at him and reaching out to cup his face with one hand. 

He presses his cheek against your palm, smiling as you scratch right over his ear fin and almost jumping up from the rock as you start to rub the appendage. 

“Shrimpy wait--” 

Shit, he almost bit his tongue. He could barely look into your curious eyes as his heart sped up, the most sensitive area of his body being played and inspected with being a far too new feeling for him to just laugh it off. 

Floyd bites his bottom lip as his tail squeezes your legs, closing his eyes as he felt several shivers go up his spine. It felt too good--

“Floyd?” 

The mereel slowly comes down from the high as he glares at the intruder, clicking his tongue as he saw who it was. 

A pair of identical eyes to Floyd’s turn in your direction, your hand pulling away from the other as you turned to greet Jade. 

“You certainly took them farther than I thought you would.” 

He chuckles as his brother turns away, clearly not wanting you to see the blush on his cheeks. Nevertheless, his attention immediately goes back to you, swimming over to your side and sitting on the opposite of where Floyd was situated. 

“Did you have any troubles finding us?” 

You shook your head, “Floyd grabbed me and pulled me in before I could leave.” 

Jade nods and looks down at how Floyd had situated himself, a brief pang of jealousy overtaking him as he scoots closer, takes your hand and presses it on his chest. You immediately try to pull back but Jade’s eyes lid as he tugs you in closer, the veins in his chest shining even brighter than Floyd’s as he immediately feels you relax in his touch. 

“Do you know what this is, [Y/N]-san?” 

His eyes take their time to take in all of you as you nod your head, whispering the word ‘bioluminescence’ as Jade licks his lips. 

How strange was it to see you so focused. Jade had taken his time during the lull of the Monstro Lounge hours to watch you near the petting tank, your fingers running over the manta rays and tapping at the carapaces of the horseshoe crabs. And like his brother he did feel a certain sort of jealousy for those creatures, but he also saw an opportunity. 

An opportunity to get your guard down. 

His eyes look over at Floyd, the other pouting as your fingers start to trace Jade’s chest all by themselves.

“Uhm--” 

Jade’s attention goes back to you, “Yes?” 

“I didn’t think that moray eels had bioluminescence.” 

He smiles and takes your hand again, guiding it from the middle of his chest all the way to his cheek making sure that your fingers feel the light travel in his veins as you start to wriggle out of Floyd’s hold and into Jade’s. 

“Our kind is a mixture of many eels types. While our exterior is that of a moray eel, our interior is also made up of certain eels that use this feature as a way to communicate with other animals, warn predators…” 

The mereel decides to keep the ‘lure prey’ part out of his explanation. 

Jade’s eyes immediately went to Floyd’s as the other was about to speak up, glaring at him to keep his mouth quiet for he had his turn. His eyes soften when they go back to you, your eyes still taking in all of the small trails of light decorating Jade’s body as your hands trace against the caudal fins on his arms. 

They were rougher than the ones near their ears…

Slowly, your hands go to the fins on the side of Jade’s face, the mereel tensing up but keeping his eyes on you as you start to tug and rub at the appendages. 

“[Y/N]-san…” 

His nails scratch against the rocks as he feels your fingers trace every line they can find, his fins giving a little twitch as you push them back only to watch them slowly move back to their original spot. You had no idea what you were making him feel, what you probably made Floyd feel. 

And if his dear brother wanted to keep it a secret, then he would keep his mouth shut as well. 

Having someone touch them so freely, especially that area, was an act reserved for mates only. Even during courtship this was prohibited and if any other merperson happened to swim by it would be as if they just tumbled into the merman equivalent of someone shoving their fingers in between someone else’s legs. 

But your curiosity was so endearing and Jade just couldn’t find it in himself to pull you away. In fact, that look of yours full of innocence and naivety was so cute that if he let his instincts run wild you would find yourself being dragged to the Leech's home--

“What--you two!” 

His reason kicks back in as Jade smiles and turns to look at the new visitor. 

The octomer’s face is bright red as he locks eyes with you, your hands letting go of Jade’s fins as he smiles and waves at Azul. 

“I’m glad you decided to join us, Azul.”

He wants to say something about what the hell he just saw but he decides to save it, knowing full well that Jade nor Floyd were going to give him a straight answer. Instead, he decides to address you directly. 

“Inferring from our conversation from early this morning as well as your actions during the Monstro Lounge opening hours, I figured you would like this sort of surprise." 

He clears his throat, sneaking a peek at your face and quickly looking away as he saw your eyes staring straight at him. 

Humans like you are still curious about the different types of merpeople, especially those like Jade and Floyd, so after much consideration I decided--” 

"Azul, you're beautiful." 

Oh no. He bit his tongue. Fuck, fuck, fuck he bit his tongue and now it hurts like a shell clamping down on his hand--why had you gone and say something like that so suddenly?! 

"Excuse me?" 

The spell Jade had you in was completely broken as you pulled out of the brother's hold and swam over to him, stopping when you noticed him backing away. 

Azul stared at you and you stared back at him. 

He couldn't help it. After all the things he had to deal with, it was hard enough for him to even appear in front of you like this. And it wasn't like he was doing it as a showing of any sort of affection towards you, he just didn't want to owe you any favours from the idea you had given him! 

All he had to do was just...reach a tentacle out-- 

"Huh?" 

Azul notices you swimming back a tiny bit, smiling at the tentacle shyly reaching out to you. 

"You can turn back, you know. I don't want you to feel forced to do this." 

You point at him, your eyes still wide with curiosity but keeping your distance. 

"The fact that I get to see you like this is enough." 

Azul can feel his heart skip a beat, tentacles unfurling even more as the need to hide melted away. 

But...he owed you a favor... 

"Honestly. Thank you so much Azul." 

For the Sea Witch's sake, he really couldn't pin you down, could he? 

The octomer swims over, floating right in front of you as one tentacle shyly brushes against your fingertips. They twitch in interest but you do not move, looking up at Azul expectantly. 

You really were too nice for your own good, waiting for someone to give you the okay when he clearly wanted you to at least inspect that part of him. 

"Go...go ahead." 

Your touch is soft, pressing your hands right against his suckers and chuckling at the small noise they made as they attached themselves to your skin. Azul moves in a bit closer as some tentacles start wrapping around your ankles and wrists, his natural instincts taking over as his tentacles wrap around the person he really liked. 

Well not like as in like like but a like he had yet to put a definition to. And it's not like it needed a definition, you certainly weren't asking him what sort of like it was and the thought of what kind of like it really was didn't keep him up at night at all. 

"Oop!" 

Azul almost wants to screech at the tentacle going in between your legs and hoisting you up, offering you a sort of makeshift seat as the other appendages start to press against your neck, leaving behind little sucker marks in their wake. 

This situation was not only testing his boundaries but also his patience. 

"I didn't think they would be so slippery...and so soft!" 

Please don't look so curious about him! It's going to give him wild expectations! 

The tip of a tentacle rubs against your cheek, Azul's face an almost red tomato as he hears you chuckle and push the appendage back but for some reason his tentacles weren't listening to him so the thing only pushed forward even more--

"Ah! No fair!" 

Floyd comes up behind you, wrapping you up in a hug as he points a finger at Azul. 

"No hogging Shrimpy to yourself!" 

Azul swims back in alarm. 

"I wasn't hogging anyone!" 

Jade laughs as he swims right up behind you, a hand on your shoulder as he pulls you back. 

"Azul you might want to look down." 

The octomer blinks only to look down, seeing that one of his tentacles had stubbornly wrapped around your waist. 

"Ahh...ahhhh….!" 

You, Jade and Floyd blink as dark ink fills the water, Azul covering his face and letting you go, swimming to the nearest hole and curling up inside as he strangles one of his tentacles. 

Of all the things to embarrass him it just had  to be himself, huh?! 

"Azul? Wait come back!" 

"Shrimpy tell me I'm beautiful as well~!" 

"Floyd let me go! There's ink everywhere!" 

"Not until you tell me I'm beautiful!" 

"Jade!" 

"Azul is more than okay, I can assure you...although I would also like the same compliment as well, [Y/N]-san." 

The next day, you woke up with a high fever due to swimming all night, a present from all of the Octavinelle students at your doorstep with an apology card neatly placed on top. 

[mint-yooxgi]

Hello！Can you please do pt.4(？) on taeyong, jaehyun and yuta fic？ it's ok if you don't want to, thank you！

Part One, Part Two

***

Two hours, and four drinks, later, you find yourself sitting in a booth with the three men who can’t seem to take their eyes off of you. Every little thing you do, they notice, their gazes intense and honestly, making you a bit self conscious of the movements you do make. The more time passes, the more obvious they become. At least they had been subtle before.

Taeyong sits directly in front of you, followed by Jaehyun who sits right beside him, with Yuta to your left. Of course, when you first sat down, Yuta jumped at the opportunity to be the one that slid in the booth beside you, much to the other two’s discontent. If only they had been faster, then maybe they would be the one sitting so close to you. What bothers them more is that you don’t really seem to mind.

Currently, you find yourselves playing a round of ‘never have I ever’ and taking shots. So far, you’re losing.

“Damn, I never realized just how unique my experiences were until now,” you joke, a chuckle falling from your lips.

“Sounds to me like you just like to have fun,” Yuta grins, nudging your shoulder with his own, much to the annoyance of the two males sitting across from the two of you.

“Either that or you guys just enjoy ganging up on me.” You roll your eyes for a dramatic effect, failing to notice the way Taeyong stiffens slightly across from you.

This night is not going at all how he planned, though he supposes it’s on him for bringing up the idea of going for drinks in front of the other two. If only they hadn’t taken their sweet time packing up after the meeting, but Taeyong knows that if he were in their shoes, he would have done the exact same thing. Like hell he’d ever purposefully leave you alone in a room with the other two. Both of them are bad enough, but the idea of seeing you with one of them, of seeing you with anyone but him sets his heart pounding. He’ll make sure that that will never happen.

“My turn,” Taeyong says, and he revels in the fact that your full attention is now on him. “Never have I ever had a hangover at work.”

Both you and Jaehyun take a shot, and once you put your glass back on the table, your brows raise.

“Really?” Your curious stare meets Jaehyun’s gaze. “I would have thought this one-” you point to Yuta beside you, “would have, but mister prim and proper?”

“Hey!” Yuta whines, about to defend himself before Jaehyun speaking beats him to it.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He smiles, somewhat mischievously at you and you shoot him an amused look.

“I have to hear this story.” You lean forward slightly, and Jaehyun practically melts at the fact that you want to know more about him.

He shrugs, leaning back slightly in his seat as he meets your gaze once more, “was my friend’s birthday, we got smashed. Woke up in his bathtub ten minutes before I was supposed to be in the office, and managed to make it in with a minute to spare. Thank fuck it was casual Friday, otherwise I would not have made it in time.”

“Oh my god,” your jaw drops, “I think I remember that. You were hungover that day?”

“If you can believe it,” he chuckles, and you fail to see the way Yuta purses his lips beside you. “Had the worst headache of my life but I still managed to complete my reports that day.”

“Now that I believe,” you nod, lip quirked upwards at the side.

“I think I was typing like a third grader though, and I'm pretty sure I had to spell micromanagement five times before I got it right,” he continues, “then I ended up printing the reports and realized I had misspelled my name.”

“Wait, is that why Hyunjin calls you Jaehyum all the time?” You cannot keep the smile off of your lips as you watch the tips of his ears turn red and he nods. You burst out laughing. “That’s gold, oh my god.”

Both Yuta and Taeyong absolutely hate the way you’ve seemingly forgot all about them in this moment. Only, they hate the fact that it was Jaehyun that’s made you laugh like this even more.

“Okay, okay, okay,” you wave your hand in front of yourself as a few more chuckles fall from your lips. “My turn now. Let’s see...” You pause as you hum, “I know!” A grin tugs at the corner of your lips, figuring none of them will be able to take a shot from your next words. “Never have I ever fallen in love with a coworker.”

Your jaw practically falls open as the three of them throw their heads back and down their alcohol practically at the same time. You've never seen any of them talk about past flings or current crushes in the workplace. Well at least, not around you, so to say this comes as a shock would be a severe understatement.

Looking between the three of them, your curiosity gets the best of you. With wide eyes, you ask the single question that sets their hearts racing.

“Who?”

[post-modern-prometheus]

okay wait I didn’t even think of that thing with el and Will and how that connected. Like wait also the fact that Jonathan and Steve have not had any scenes together even tho they had plenty in season 1 which idk why the barely have any scenes together now. Like a lot of their development came from their antagonism with one another and how joe and Charlie acted with each other was amazing. Also the fact that once Nancy and Steve got together Jonathan hid away and isolated himself from them meanwhile steve did the exact same thing when Nancy and Jonathan got together

Yes it’s so interesting that Peter/Henry/vecna (there are so many names for this guy and I wanna think it means something but idk) is fundamentally right but also completely wrong considering that he’s killed innocent people and legit torturing them also. Which also I just had a thought it seems like he doesn’t check if brenner had died when he killed everyone else. Like you’d think Peter with the way that he is would want to kill the person who has been making him completely miserable and holding him hostage. So why after the massacre is brenner still alive? Rhetorical question lol and big brain moment. And you’re so right with the wheeler thing too!

honestly there is something that we’re missing but like when everything clicks it’s going to be so clear. Like I have tons of theories and stuff. My fav theory that I’ve come up with that I’m insterested in your input tho is that vecna isn’t killing random teens since Dustin mentioned that in the last ep. Okay so vecna kills chrissy who max saw and had interactions with. Then max also got caught in the spell (also the way that they say spell and stuff seems significant) but in the end was able to make it out. Then Fred got killed who was friends with Nancy who also at the end got put in the trance. And then Patrick who was a friend of Lucas’s on the basketball team and in the trailer we got Lucas looking terrified and like he also got put under the spell. So vecna is getting into the gang’s mind/attention just like last season the mindflayer did with the town and El. Like he’s seeking out the gang!

only the real ones remember tumblr user you-said-yes' post from like a year ab what i want from the horror in st. and that last paragraph u sent sends chills down my spine. that personal horror... that they're being sought out, targeted, hunted... esp bc vecna is 001 (not listing the other names) and el literally rejected then banished him to the upside down... he's gotta be a little mad. just like the mind flayer bc she's thwarted his plans so many times- with a LOT of help from the others. IT NEEDS TO GET PERSONAL. this show, for me, is not scary. it's cool. i love 70s and 80s horror not bc they actually scare me. when i think ab the scariest moments in the show, it's all the times these characters i've come to know and care about are in danger, mortal or otherwise. the way will looked at mike when he was possessed, said "that's... my friend. mike." i want THAT. i will not be forgetting that el's best friend, bf, mom, and brother are all looking at- or listening to- something on these confirmed DELIBERATE posters. hmm.

changing topics, but i think the jon-nancy-steve triangle and the will-mike-el triangle are suspiciously similar, both to each other and ebtween s1 and s4...

also yes i'd love to see some explanation for brenner living other than the writers needed him to bc it was a flashback.

[wisp-of-thought]

I met you when I was young. We were both young, but now I see it. I was 15 and you were older and kind and spent smiles like they cost you nothing. Maybe it was this illusion of abundance that originally tipped me into the fall but you were everything I never thought could exist for me.

My best friend introduced us in passing. I met you mid-morning in the middle of the week in the middle of a bustling hallway. Maybe this was the first sign that we would never be anything all the way. You made a joke about my name but it was all in good fun and to hear my name on your tongue made my palms prick. All I saw was your smile, brilliant enough to blind. It hurt to look at you too long, but I did it anyway. I was always a little bit of a masochist I suppose. You will learn this soon enough, when I love you so hard it hurts. When I manage to turn this soft thing between us sharp. But in fact, you won't. You won't learn this. And perhaps that is where we begin to fall apart. Or when I do. I begin to fall apart. Because we never seemed to do much of anything to you. We never seemed to touch you at all. While we tore me apart. Or I did. I guess it was always me doing the breaking, wasn't it?

We leave after last period to get lunch from the place near school you swear has the best fries. We miss 3 busses trying to figure out the route, the last one is on me because I can't run in flats with my school bag. While I walk, you sprint across the parking lot to buy our tickets but we're already too late. I don't want to watch the movie even if it's only 5 minutes in. I want to leave. I've wanted to leave since we waited for your food in awkward silence for 15 minutes but I swallowed and called it first date nerves even though we never said it was a date and I know now that it most definitely wasn't. And that's how things always were between us, weren't they? Me being let down by my own expectations of you. Me taking your kindness and taking and taking and taking even what wasn't there?

You let me pick what we watch instead since we're already here and pay for my ticket. I return the cost to you in the dark of the theatre. The movie is bad. In fact it's awful. I lean away from you and bite my nails during the sex scenes I didn't expect from the trailer. I wince every time I hear you shift, so sure you hate me as much as you hate the film, quietly begging for it to be over. We leave after it's done. I apologize. I didn't know it would be that terrible. You tell me we totally could have caught the original one we came to see and I nod, holding back tears that taste like shame. But you mean nothing by it.

It's summer, warm and sticky, walking across the parking lot.

I fell out of love with you then.

I didn't know it in that instant but looking back on it, this is the exact moment.

I realize there is nothing here. Nothing between us but space. There is nothing here, and the question is seeded if there ever was. The thought takes many weeks to root and bud. Months to flower and come to fruition. But it is planted here. Here, I keep searching for a feeling of comfort even if just in your presence but there is nothing to find. My stomach turns at my mother's missed calls, she's wondering where I am, who I'm with, and I'm panicking because I am still young. You offer me nothing but shrugged shoulders and it is worse because I know you mean well. Or rather that you mean nothing by it. And suddenly I know that I need you to say something. I need you to say something that matters right now. Or there will be nothing to come back to tomorrow.

But you don't. You don't walk me home. You walk me to the street across from my father's apartment building. Nod. One hand wave. See you later. Walk back across the street before the light can turn red again. You don't look back. And of course, I only know this because I look back. Stare after you. Not heartbroken yet. But gently being let down. For the next few days I would rather not think about you. I try many times to remake how it happened in my head but I'm grasping at threads. There is too little material to sew a new tapestry memory from stray comments and wayward touches.

After this butterflies were not summoned at the sound of your name, funny how easy delicate things die isint it. After this, I did not feel the tug of your orbit's gravity pulling me closer to you in a crowded room. Your words sounded less and less divine to me, I think this is because I started hearing what you were saying instead of what I wanted you to be saying. After this, the poetry about you turned sad, then angry, then ran mostly dry. There were no more tears shed over you in the bathroom around the corner from the theatre classroom because your promises were pretty coloured tissue paper flowers to me now. Good for decoration and conversation, but they would tear easy, for they were never meant to last. Never crafted to be put to the test.

We try again a few times. Every once in a while I find you at my locker at the end of the day and we try again. Painfully awkward, but we try again and again and every time I think it's over you're there again. Here is where you instill in me the inability to get over you all the way. You do it by accident. Or at least mean nothing by it. And I begin to understand this the hard way. It's hard because everything means something to me. For I have spent my life trying to squeeze enough from the nothings cast my way.

You ask me out of the blue if I'd like to go for bubble tea and I say I've never tried it so we do. My mother is at work and my sister is in school and no one is at home to expect me and I feel sickeningly giddy at the little rebellion. The silence is only half as uncomfortable as before. The other half-emptied of expectation and filled with acceptance. But the place is closed and this time I laugh at the inconvenience fate keeps gifting us. I tell myself it's a sign. One I'll look at later. We go somewhere else. Somewhere convenient. Somewhere familiar.

You buy me an iced coffee we playfully push the two dollars back and forth across the table as I insist to pay you back and you refuse. As a gentleman. As a friend. The spell is broken when you ask about a scar and I realize I could never tell you. Well, I could. But I don't want to. That someone like you would never understand. And you let the subject drop so easily. You let it all go so easily. Instead you check the bus schedule and walk me to my stop. You get on your bike and ride down the street and you don't look back.

Another time you meet me at the mall. My father asks to meet you so he does. You are the first boy I know that he ever meets. But of course, this means nothing to you. And so I try to let this mean nothing to me too. I link our arms together and it's easier to touch you. Without anticipation. You leave me after we eat cinnamon rolls and do not look back. And I always find myself looking after you. A part of me brought back to the piece of myself left in that movie theatre parking lot in the afternoon sun. But I don't ever really love you again after that.

And I am better for it.

We are better for it.

I am glad I still have you.

For I don't know what would have become of us if not for your careless gaze and fickle heart.

I do not know what would have become of me.

And I am grateful now, for the falling out of love.

- #1: reflections on falling out of unrequited love with him

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Seventeen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: 70% of this fic is written on my phone lying on my side in bed while using swipe typing bc im too lazy to type out words and it shows

TW: discussion of SA

***

Nesta has an easier time adjusting to a third person in the cabin than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because Azriel indeed minds his business, and half the time Nesta isn’t aware he’s there at all.

Cassian seems to be more irritated by it than anyone else—not his brother, of course, but the fact that he and Nesta no longer exist in their own little bubble. Which is how he ends up at Nesta’s apartment with an overnight bag, sprawled out stomach-down on her mattress while she gets ready for bed.

“TV show or movie?” he asks, clicking through her laptop. Shows are Nesta’s thing and movies are Cassian’s; she feels generous enough tonight to say, “Movie.”

“Thank god,” he mutters, typing something on the laptop. “There’s a Turkish horror flick that I was saving for you.”

“Where do you even find these films?” Grabbing her hairbrush, she flops onto the bed beside him and starts brushing out her brassy locks. Before he can answer, Nesta’s phone buzzes from the stool she uses as a bedside table. Feyre’s name flashes on the screen.

Nesta frowns, but picks up without a second thought. “What is it?”

“Nothing serious,” her sister replies. “Just checking in.”

Before Cassian, Nesta didn’t very much understand the purpose of “checking in” without reason. Now she empathizes with Feyre a little. “I’m fine,” she says.

Deciding she can do better than that, she adds, “Cassian and I are about to start a movie.”

“Is it his choice? I’m so sorry for you.”

Nesta peeks over to where Cassian is still intently searching for his obscure movie and smiles a little. “I like Turkish horror,” she replies.

Cassian overhears and grins approvingly.

“Well, I’m looking at wedding dresses with Rhys so he can prepare for when he inevitably proposes,” Feyre says. “In case you wanted to know.”

Nesta did not particularly want to know, but she doesn’t say this. “Sounds fun. Is that it?”

“For what?”

“This conversation.”

Feyre sighs over the line. “Yes, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for picking up.”

The bar is in hell, Nesta thinks. Mostly because she put it there, but she still feels embarrassed to be congratulated over such small things. “Thanks for keeping it short.”

She’s about to hang up when she hears a male voice speak up in the background, and Feyre interrupts, “Wait—before you go, can you tell Cassian to call Rhys back? He wants Cass’s help picking a new team leader for the Italy project.”

Nesta has no idea what that is, but she says, “Sure, fine.” They say their goodbyes and hang up.

“What’d she want?” Cassian says without looking over at her.

“She said Rhys wants you to call him about the Italy project.”

Cassian turns toward her, half sitting up. “Really? What for?”

“Something about picking a team leader.” She returns to brushing her hair. “Why? What’s the Italy project?”

“Something I thought we put aside for good,” he grumbles. “It’s a year-long overseas project in Milan. Rhys thinks it’s gonna bring in a shit ton of money.”

“Sounds big. What do you have to do with it, though?” She’s never heard of Cassian being involved in Night Court’s international operations, even though he takes on more work than the usual employee.

Cassian shrugs, going back to movie searching. “He wanted me to be the one leading the team, and I guess he still feels petty about me turning him down. Honestly, choosing team leaders outside of my department isn’t even part of my jurisdiction.”

Nesta hesitates. “He offered you the job? When?” She didn’t know this.

“On New Year’s.”

“And you turned it down?”

“Yeah.” Cassian clicks on a link that looks like it’ll plant fifteen different viruses in Nesta’s laptop. “Found the movie,” he says.

“Why would you do that?” Nesta demands.

“The movie?”

“The job offer! Why would you turn down such a big opportunity without even telling me?”

Cassian laughs in confusion. “Are you angry right now?”

She’s astonished at his nonchalance. “Cassian,” she says. “It’s Italy.”

Italy with the art and history and seaside beauty—it’s on their top five places to see before they die.

“It’s Milan,” he says like there’s a difference, “and it’s an entire year away from you.” He shakes his head, sitting up to face her. “Are you out of your mind?”

She goes still. “Don’t tell me you said no because of me.”

“Of course I said no because of you.”

“It’s your dream job!” she bursts. “Traveling, exploring, being on your own—”

“Those are our dreams. I made those plans with you. The hell am I supposed to do all the way in Italy without you?”

“You sound codependent,” she retorts.

He narrows his brows. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing in my position?”

He’s right, of course. Nesta would do the exact same thing for him. But Nesta and Cassian are not the same, and they both know it. “You can’t make that comparison,” she sighs.

“Why not?” he demands.

“Because—” She struggles to put it into words. “I would give up a long distance job for you because it would be worth it. You’re worth it. It doesn’t work the other way around.”

“Again: why the fuck not?”

So he’s really going to make her spell it out. “Because you’re a good boyfriend. You’re affectionate and caring, you always go the extra mile for those you love, and you come with all these free perks. It’s a great deal. And I’m not anything terrible, but I’m the bare minimum compared to you. Why would you give up Italy for the bare minimum?”

Cassian looks at her in disbelief. “I don’t even know how you can say so many wrong things in a row.”

“He’s blinded by love,” Nesta mutters to herself.

“First of all,” he holds up a finger, “I don’t know where you learned to compare yourself to me, but I don’t like it. You make it sound like I need to be paid back for every half-decent thing I do, and that is not the case at all.”

“Of course you think that,” she says. “You wouldn’t be a good person if you didn’t.”

“Then let me be a blunt person.” He puts a hand on her knee and looks her in the eye. “You will never be like me. Very few people are; you can’t take it personally.”

“Oh my god.” Her eyes might roll out of her head.

“But you’re not the bare minimum. Not even close.” He states it like an undeniable fact.

“How so?” she challenges.

“Like how Elain told me about this boy who broke her heart in her high school, and how the next day he walked into class in a leg cast. And how she just knew you had something to do with it, and you two had a huge fight about it that lasted a week.”

Nesta does not enjoy that memory being brought up. Elain called her a psychopath for the incident, and to save her feelings, Nesta (rather unconvincingly) said it had been an accident.

“I didn’t push anybody into a creek,” she maintains the lie. “Sometimes people just fall down there.”

“To be fair, you’re a lot more stable now than you were then. Now when people hurt those you care about, you find sneakier ways to hurt them back. Don’t you?”

“I do not,” Nesta defends.

“Really? Because Eris texted me earlier saying you’ve been ignoring him since New Year’s, and he’s starting to get worried that you have something heinous planned for him. I asked him why he would ever think such a thing of you.” Cassian leans forward and rests his chin on her shoulder. “Why would he think such a thing of you, Nesta?”

Cassian looks pretty well off from here, doesn’t he? She remembers Eris’s smug face. Did you know Rhysand’s parents found him sleeping in the streets?

“Because he said a bad thing,” Nesta says, looking down at her fingernails. “And I have an unfortunate reputation at school for getting back at people who say bad things.” Like the time Brian O’Connell made jokes about a rape trial the class was studying, and then couldn’t find an internship at a single firm the following summer.

“And what did he say? Because I can’t imagine he would directly insult you. He actually likes you, ass that he is.” His face is warm so close to her neck.

She looks away. “I won’t repeat it.”

That seems to be all Cassian needs to get an idea of what Eris said. “And how long are you planning on holding it against him?”

“Forever.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Nesta meets the eyes that haven’t left her face this entire time and snorts. “What’s your point?” Seriously, she’s starting to redden at how close he is.

He buries his face in her neck, his stubble rasping against the sensitive skin there. “The point is that you also do a lot for the people you love. Just in a different way.” He pulls away to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything to Eris, though,” he says. “Not that I care for him or his shit opinions, but whatever you have planned isn’t worth it.”

Nesta wants to scoff in disbelief at the sincerity on Cassian’s face. He’s always choosing kindness, even at the worst moments. “So that’s your argument?” she says. “You won’t go to Italy because your girlfriend has a bad temper and a taste for revenge?”

“That’s my final argument, Your Honor.” He takes her hand. “Forget Milan, will you? One day I’ll take you to Portofino.”

The longer Nesta knows Cassian, the more she finds it useless to hide from him. Which is why she lets him watch the thoughts flit across her face as she considers his words, deciding whether she believes him. Deciding whether he’s right to give her so much devotion.

“Fine,” she finally says. “You’re right.”

A slow smile spreads across his face as he realizes he won. Wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and legs, he hauls her into his lap and shifts around until they’re both comfortable. The movie is forgotten for now.

“Out of curiosity…” He noses at the nape of her neck. “What did Eris say about me to make you so angry?”

When Nesta doesn’t answer, he says, “I’ve already heard everything that could possibly be said. The shit that used to get me when I was eighteen doesn’t have the same hold on me a decade later.”

She lets herself relax into his hold. “It was about the time you spent as an orphan.” Technically, he’s still an orphan, but it was different back then. “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”

Cassian’s answering hum is a low rumble against her shirt. “Did you know my biological father was from Italy?”

Nesta perks up at that. “No.” She assumed he was entirely Algerian, even though he and Azriel probably look ethnically ambiguous to most. “Isn’t that all the more reason to see Italy someday?”

“Not at all,” he says. “If I could pretend that half of me didn’t exist, I would.”

She can’t think of a response that doesn’t involve a question, so she doesn’t reply. She waits for Cassian to speak on his own terms.

“I went to Italy once,” he admits. “For less than a day while my brothers were partying in Monte Carlo. I was young and stupid, and thought I would never be complete if I didn’t know who my father was.”

“Who was he?” She doesn’t know why she’s whispering.

“No one worth remembering,” Cassian says, his arms unconsciously tightening around her. “I put some dots together and realized how he and my mother must have met, how he must’ve—forced himself on her, and I decided that I didn’t care about bloodlines at all. I never returned to Italy after that.”

Nesta’s hands want to reach out and touch him, soothe him. But her muscles are suddenly very cold, and she can only stiffen. “And what about now? Do you… not want to go back?”

“It’s just a place to me,” he says. “Nothing special, nothing terrible. But I like the way it sounds when you talk about it.” His eyes sparkle. “I’d like to pretend it’s my first time going with you.”

“Alright, then.” She nods. “One day, we’ll go together. It’ll be our first time.”

***

Cassian refuses to let Nesta leave bed the next morning, dragging his heavy mouth across her body whenever she tries to get up. She’s about to surrender to him altogether when her phone starts vibrating loudly, insistently.

Breaking away from Cassian’s attempt at cuddling, she answers without checking the caller ID. “Yes?” she croaks sleepily.

“Where the hell have you been?” Emerie demands.

Nesta shoves Cassian away despite his protests, untangling her legs from the sheets. “At home,” she says, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else?”

“We haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Emerie says. “Gwyn thought your boyfriend’s weird family killed you.”

“That’s not what happened,” Nesta assures, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “I just needed some alone time.” People are all around her these days, it seems. Her body still can’t quite adjust to it.

“Well, have you had enough—are you peeing?”

“Yeah.” She wipes and flushes the toilet.

“Well, clear your day and kick your sorry boyfriend out of your place. I can’t remember the last time I went out.”

“Why does everybody always want to go out?” Nesta says as she washes her hands. “What’s wrong with staying in, being safe, never leaving the house?” She dries her hands on a towel and returns to the bedroom, where Cassian is now sitting up and checking his emails.

“You’re preaching to the choir, but this actually wasn’t my idea,” Emerie says.

Nesta and Cassian alert at the sound of a knock from the front door. Nesta never has uninvited guests.

“Hold on a second, Em,” she says, jogging up the short set of steps to the door. She opens it to the sight of an exasperated-looking Gwyn.

“Jeez, next time send a text that you’re alive, will you?” Gwyn says, shoving past Nesta to enter the apartment. “Do you know how worried I’ve been—” She halts midsentence, one foot hovering above a step as she realizes that Nesta isn’t alone. As she sees Cassian in her bed, bare-chested and highly amused.

“Hey.” He raises a hand in greeting.

Gwyn pales.

“Hello?” Emerie calls over the line.

“You girls both share the same brain,” Nesta sighs. “Let me call you back, Emerie.”

Gwyn whirls around just as Nesta hangs up. “That won’t be necessary,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I’ll be outside. I’m sorry.”

She hurries out of the apartment even faster than she came in, ducking her head to hide her face.

Nesta tosses her arms up in the air. “Great,” she says to Cassian. “Your abs scared her away.”

“But I didn’t do anything—”

She shuts the door behind her as she follows Gwyn outside, barefoot and all. She barely notices the freezing cold air or the awful press of damp grass beneath her feet as she catches up to Gwyn and grabs her elbow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Gwyn jerks suddenly, yanking out of Nesta’s hold. Her breathing seems a little shallow, and she looks even more embarrassed for it. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t know you had someone over.”

“Cassian? He’s cool, you don’t need to be weird about him,” she tries to reassure Gwyn. “Though I did use to tell him that not everybody wants to see him shirtless all the time.”

“It’s not that,” Gwyn says, waving her off.

Nesta gestures to the apartment. “Do you want to come back inside, then? I’m sure he has clothes on by now.”

Gwyn clears her throat uncomfortably and looks down. “I’d rather not. I’m—I don’t like being around men.”

Nesta pauses, not sure if she heard right. “Like, in a ‘check the backseat of your car before getting in’ way, or…?”

“No, like I can’t be alone in a room with a man without feeling sick. It activates my fight or flight, it’s weird.” She’s carefully stiff, like she’s ready to be met with humiliation.

Nesta remembers that Gwyn has never told her about her therapy sessions before, but she knows they’re more intensive than her own weekly conversations with Lana.

“Not that I think your boyfriend is a bad person,” Gwyn adds when Nesta doesn’t respond. “He looks really nice. He sounds nice, too.”

But Nesta doesn’t care about any of that. Unsure of what to do next, she reaches out and awkwardly pats Gwyn on the arm. “Good thing you’ve never been to the cabin, then. Cassian’s brother is staying…” She trails off when she realizes none of this is relevant. “Why are you here so early?” she asks instead.

Gwyn eases up a little at the change in subject. “I missed you. We’ve barely talked since Christmas.”

Nesta didn’t realize people would take such notice to her absence. “Yeah.” She flushes. “I do that sometimes. I’ll send a message next time I go into hibernation, though.”

“You’re freezing,” Gwyn suddenly scolds, noticing how Nesta’s goosebumped arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She unzips her red hoodie and shrugs it off. “Go back inside and get dressed.” She flings the hoodie around Nesta’s shoulders before Nesta can protest. “Meet me at my car. We’re hanging out.”

Nesta knows that a last minute change of events is not the end of the world, even if it sometimes feels like it. For Gwyn and Emerie, she can bear the discomfort of unexpected plans, same as she does for Cassian. But she at least has to know: “How long will we be out?”

“You can come home after lunch.” At Nesta’s face, Gwyn adds, “Lunch will be at two and shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

Looking her friend up and down, someone who has such an easy time understanding her, Nesta nods in satisfaction. She turns around to go back inside.

***

They end up at the library where Gwyn works, in the stacks of the long-abandoned encyclopedia section.

Emerie takes a loud sip from the huge McDonald’s soda she snuck in. “So all this show was because Gwyn didn’t want to work her shift alone?”

“I just have some last minute cleanup to do,” she hisses for the third time, shoving an old book back where it belongs. “Go to the porn section if you’re so bored here.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” Emerie says. “But I’m glad that we’re congregating now, even if it’s in the most depressing part of the library. I have a present for you girls.” She hands Nesta her drink so she can dig around in her purse.

Nesta personally has no complaints. The library is quiet, it smells of paper and old ink, and it holds all her favorite books. It’s almost better than staying in.

Emerie successfully pulls out a handful of folded and wrinkled papers from her bag, smoothing them out as best she can. “One for each of us,” she says, passing the papers around.

Nesta takes her paper and stares at the header. Gwyn is the first to speak. “Pole dancing classes?”

“Why?” Nesta says.

“Well, I originally offered them to Justinian and Isaac but they said no—”

“It’s really not for me,” Gwyn interrupts, trying to pass the registration form back to Emerie. “Sorry.”

Nesta doesn’t give her form back.

“Look,” Emerie says. “I get the hesitation. We’re a handful of boring bitches who hate having fun. But don’t you think that has to change at some point?”

“I’ve known you guys a month,” Gwyn retorts. “We’ve only been boring bitches for a month. This is too much.” She turns to Nesta for help.

Nesta is still staring at the paper. Dancing—on a pole, yes, but it’s still dancing. “I’ll do it,” she says.

Gwyn looks betrayed and Emerie looks elated. “Really?” She hops up and down. “That’s two against one, Gwyn. You have to do it, too.”

Gwyn’s cheeks are turning red in frustration. “You can’t just force this on me—”

“Gwyneth,” a sharp voice interrupts their conversation. Nesta spins around to find a young woman with dark skin and bleached white curls heading in their direction, a stack of books in her arms.

She halts before Nesta and glares. “No food or drink in the library.” She looks pointedly at the 32-ounce in her hand.

“It’s not mine.” Nesta shoves the drink back to Emerie.

But the librarian has turned to Gwyn, who hides the dance class form behind her back. “And what are you doing here?” she demands.

“Just putting up a few books, Merrill,” Gwyn answers quickly.

“While socializing?” the woman named Merrill sneers.

“We were just asking for help finding the romance section. Is that a problem?” Emerie crosses her arms and steps forward, letting a little of her beautiful deadliness slip into her stance. It’s the deadliness of someone at the top of her law class, someone who will graduate in a few months with all the power she could want in the palm of her hand. Nesta gets a rush from playing the lawyer game, too, but she’s never had the kind of ambition that Emerie has. Emerie is a shark sitting around in a small pond.

Merrill is not impressed. She snatches the styrofoam cup dangling from Emerie’s hand and tosses it in the nearby trash can. She turns back to Gwyn. “Hand your badge over and clock out.”

“But I’m not done yet—”

“Now.”

“Okay,” she squeaks. She pulls her ID badge off her neck and hands it to Merrill.

Nesta gapes in disbelief. Before she can speak up, Merrill says, “No loitering in the library. If you don’t have anything you need to check out, leave.” With one final judgmental look, she turns down an aisle of dusty books and disappears.

Gwyn makes a face at her back.

“That woman is not old enough to be acting that misanthropic,” Emerie says after Merrill is gone.

“Whatever,” Gwyn mutters. The registration form is still in her hand. She crumples it into a ball and throws it into the trash. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nesta stares at the trash as Gwyn turns to leave. “Coward,” she says.

Gwyn’s head snaps toward Nesta, her auburn hair swinging. “Excuse me?”

She shrugs. “You heard me.” Emerie’s eyes bounce back and forth between the girls.

“I did,” Gwyn says. “I was just making sure this wasn’t coming from the woman who would sooner bite someone’s head off than do something she doesn’t want to.”

“Girls,” Emerie snaps before Nesta can bite back. “It’s just a stupid dance class. I thought it would be fun to do together, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Taking Gwyn by one arm and Nesta by the other, she starts steering them out of the stacks like a stern mother. “Now let’s go eat. I’m fucking hungry.”

Gwyn’s mood from the library doesn’t recover, even as they sit down for lunch at the local diner. Nesta thinks Gwyn might actually be sick when the male waiter winks at her while taking her order, and it’s not until long after he’s gone that color returns to her face. When their food arrives, Gwyn only picks at her plate.

“What’s wrong?” Nesta finally has to ask bluntly. “You look pukey.” Did the coward comment affect Gwyn more than she let on, or was it Merrill’s attitude that threw her off?

At Nesta’s words, Gwyn becomes even more pallid. “I just don’t feel great today,” she murmurs, looking around like she’s seeking a way out of the diner. “Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to be such a buzzkill. Maybe I should go home early.”

“Absolutely not,” Emerie says. “If you’re going home, we’re going home with you.”

Gwyn bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants that or not. But something about her antsy demeanor is too familiar to Nesta, because she says, “If you really want to be alone, do you mind driving me home first? Emerie’s car is a mess.”

“You just need to move around a few papers,” Emerie protests.

But Gwyn nods distractedly, already gathering her things. “Sure, no problem.” They pay the bill and go their separate ways.

During the ride home, the sky that’s been gray all day finally breaks open, unleashing a spattering of rain over the town. Nesta watches it sprinkle while Gwyn drives in silence.

“Why are you scared of Merrill?” she eventually asks. “She doesn’t look much older than you.”

Gwyn snorts, but there isn’t much heart to it. “Merrill is my superior, but I can handle her on most days.”

“Just not today?”

Gwyn eyes Nesta warily from the corner of her eye. “No, not today. Or this week.”

Nesta chooses not to push. The dull metal of the cars surrounding them glints under the rain, and they arrive at a red light.

After a minute, she takes a breath and blurts, “I’m not always like that around guys, you know.”

Nesta watches her closely, remembering how ghostly she seemed around Cassian, then the waiter. “Keep going.”

Gwyn stares straight at the traffic ahead, her fingers turning bone white on the steering wheel. “I’m just going through a hard period. Everything upsets me and I don’t know how to think straight. It’s like my brain accidentally traveled to the past and now it’s stuck there.” She sounds shaky, breathless, and it makes Nesta wonder what exactly her mind is experiencing.

Nesta knows what it’s like to be unable to move on. Her own brain has only recently started looking toward the future. “Where are you stuck, specifically?” she asks hesitantly. Maybe she can help Gwyn navigate her way out.

Gwyn’s chin quivers. “In a dark room.” Her lips form a tight line. “Being held down. I’m outnumbered.”

Nesta’s stomach turns. “How far back is it?”

“Two years,” Gwyn whispers. “Lately I can’t even look at anything without—remembering it. Thinking about it. Every time I feel like I’m moving past it, I end up being wrong.”

The light turns green, and Nesta puts a hand on Gwyn’s knee in an attempt to ground her. “Drive,” she commands softly.

Gwyn presses down on the accelerator, but Nesta can feel her leg trembling beneath her hand. She squeezes her knee hard. Even with the dark parts of her own past, Nesta has never felt what Gwyn is feeling right now. So she tries to stick to what she knows.

“It’s like you said,” she says carefully. “You’re going through a period where your brain isn’t being friendly to you. It’s horrible, but you can live with the knowledge that it’ll be over eventually.”

Gwyn shakes her head, holding back tears. “It doesn’t work like that. Once it goes away, it’ll just come back again. And it’ll be like that for the rest of my life.”

“You’re right.” Nesta doesn’t have a solution for that, and she hates it. “You’ll never forget. You can be at the peak of your life and still remember all of it. But,” she says slowly, “whether you reach a point where it barely fazes you, or if you keep crippling under the weight of it decades later, you’ll still be normal. You’ll be a perfectly normal human.”

Gwyn lets out a tearful laugh at that. “What does that even mean?”

Shit. “It means…” Nesta tries to explain herself better. “In case you’re worried that there’s something very wrong with you, I’m here telling you that there’s not. There will never be anything wrong with you.”

Gwyn eyes her skeptically as they turn onto a residential road. “Even if I never get past one nightmare I lived years ago? Even if that nightmare defines me until the day I die?”

“That won’t happen.” Nesta’s tone is simple, factual. “But yes, even then.”

“Really? You’re not gonna tell me to live for the better days or whatever?”

“Does that sound like something that would help you? Because I can say it if it does.”

Gwyn snorts. “No.” But her limbs are steady and her eyes are clear on the road. She clears her throat. “Thank you for listening. I think I might feel a little better now.”

“Was it because of what I said?” Nesta tries not to be too hopeful.

“I wouldn’t give you that much credit,” Gwyn says, crushing her hope. “But I’m glad I told you. It makes things…a lot easier for me.” She exhales deeply.

“You know my plate is mostly empty these days.” Nesta pats her knee. “That means I’ll always have room to help carry your shit.”

They pull up to Nesta’s apartment, and Gwyn parks at the curb. “Give me your dance class thing,” she says suddenly.

Frowning, Nesta pulls the wrinkled paper out of her purse and hands it to Gwyn.

Gwyn smooths it out on the steering wheel and grabs a pen from a cupholder, clicking it. “If you’re going to help carry my shit, I guess I have time for pole dancing now.”

“But that’s mine,” Nesta protests as Gwyn starts filling out the form.

“It can be both of ours,” she says, writing Nesta’s name under hers.

“Really?” Nesta grins with an excitement that she doesn’t easily feel. “You’re going to do it with us?”

“Why would I let you do it without me? So I can become the third wheel in our girl group?” She gives Nesta a look that says No way in hell.

Nesta rolls her eyes. “That would never happen to you.”

“Sure,” Gwyn drawls. She finishes the form and folds it in half before pocketing it. “I’ll give this to Emerie as a gift.” She leans over to peck Nesta on the cheek. “Now get home. Love you.”

Nesta turns red at the words and coughs. “Thanks for the ride,” she responds, getting out of the car.

“Say it back!” Gwyn calls after her. But Nesta shuts the door in her face and waves, pretending she can��t hear her. Gwyn mock-scowls at her through the window, but lets her off easy and drives away.

That’s enough feelings for today, Nesta decides. Even if her chest is swelling with emotion for her friend. It’s a sweet hurt that lingers long after she returns to her empty apartment.

***

a/n: i’m back in my no plot, just vibes era

taglist: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes

[pandaluc]

Fated To Be Apart; Together By Heart

Pairing: Zhongli x g!n Reader

Genre: fluff, hurt with no comfort

Warnings: mentions of war, death. slight mention of blood and corpse, grammar and spelling mistakes.

Zhongli was a man of composure, sincerity and wisdom. Yes, he often forgets about mora, but his personality is not all that. In fact, he was a loving man. A reason why you had fallen in love with him. He had so many experiences, and you admire him for that. One of his many experiences is death. He had lost so many loved ones, to the point where whenever he meets someone, he will always tell himself to prepare for their death. Because of his years of living, he got used with deaths... but do you think that such will be applied to everyone? Or maybe he secretly prays to the celestial gods to protect and save a particular someone from death? Will the celestial gods hear him?

You and the traveller were friends ever since the two of you talked to each other in Mondstadt. A reason why you were friends is because the both of you are travellers, seeking the same thing - to know more about this unknown god. Ever since the two of you knew this similarity to each other, you would travel Teyvat together. You both were like duos - you would plan things out while they act these plan out..and well Paimon would be the source of your mental strength, cheering the both of you up if times get rough. Alas, you and the traveller reached Liyue, and met this man named Zhongli. Just a day being with him made you look up to him so much. From his words to his beliefs, you. admired them. Even if he did not have mora with him, some part of you admired him for that since he doesn't pay too much...attention, yes, to prices. He was smart, caring, and gentle. Little did you know that that exact moment, Zhongli had also admired your stories and personality.

Time goes by, and you fell for him even more. As if every minute you spend with him, there is warmth in your heart. Everytime you look at his shining eyes, you end up being in awe.. what a beautiful man, you tell yourself. Though you were careful with being in love with him. From what you knew, he was a mortal while you are a traveller of realities being thousands years old. But alas, it has been made known to you and the traveller that he is an archon, alive for more than 6000 years. You felt better with being in love with him, and thought that maybe that is one of the reasons why you felt some strong connection between the both of you.

After you and the traveller saved Liyue, the traveller had to leave you in order to go to Inazuma - a closed nation that unfortunately, you cannot go in. Though you were sad that you have to leave the traveller in Inazuma, you were happy when you realized you could spend more time with Zhongli alone. And so, the both of you did. Each day, the both of you fell more and more in love with each other to the point where you cannot handle your feelings being hidden anymore. So you confessed. Part of you were scared, but you knew Zhongli was mature enough to not let your friendship fade away if ever he doesn't like, no, love you back.

"Does this mean that we break our friendship now?", Zhongli's words startled and hurt you. "Why..? You don't have to love me back, I am alright with that. But why must our friendship be ruined because of my feelings?", you ask him looking straight at his eye as you do everything you can to not let your tears escape your eyes. "If two people become in love with each other, don't they leave the stage of friendship and proceed to be in a relationship together?", Zhongli replied in a stern yet blushing face. Yoh look at him with shock and jokingly hit his chest. "First off, why must you scare me like that? How rude.. And second, where did you learn how to say these kind of things?". A part of you was upset that he had scared you like that, but you still had a wholesome smile in your face, a result of happiness because he had felt the same way towards you all along. Zhongli simply chuckled, which is quite rare, to your flustered state and proceeded to put one arm on the back of your head, pulling you to a hug while your head relaxes against his chest.

And starting that day, you and Zhongli was in a relationship. At first, it was quite awkward. After all, Zhongli never had been into a relationship or at least, been years since he had been into one again. You're relationship was also private. The both of you did not do pda too much. But behind closed doors, Zhongli loves to hug you and put his head on top of yours, relaxing to your embrace as he forgets all of the cruel things in this world. One day, the traveller came back to Liyue to perhaps bring you in Snezhnaya with them, but you preffered to be selfish for once and declined. You still wanted to know more about the unknown god, but at the same time, you are already contented with the life you have with Zhongli. The traveller understood that and made their way in Snezhnaya, you reminding them that if they need anything, they could ask you for help.

Zhongli was quite surprised with your decision. He did not want to be a distraction to your goals, however, you insisted that it is alright. In which he became secretly happy about. He is, after all, very in love with you. So much that no word can describe the amount of love he has for you. As an archon, he had met a lot of people and lost lots. He was used to it, and often times, he would prepare himself if anyone he meets dies. But you. He knew that he was nowhere near prepared to see you dying, or simply disappearing from his life. He wanted you to stay. And he will do everything to do so. May it be strict contracts or bloody fighting, he will do it just so that you will stay alive. He at first thought that it was pathetic for him to act and think like this all because of one person in his life. All because of you. But instead of burying himself with these thoughts, he simply decided to do everything he can to make you stay. Everyday, he thanks the celestial gods for such a wonderful partner and asks them to protect you with all their might.

But alas, all lovely days come to an end. The traveller's experience in Snezhnaya sadly was very complicated. It caused the fatui to attack Liyue and Mondstadt. It caused Venti and Zhongli regret losing their gnosis because now, all they can rely on is human power and celestial gods' mercy to protect their nations...

A lot of people in Liyue proceeded to hide from the fatui, going through mountains and forests just to survive the war going through. The adeptus, as well as those with visions and the traveller, was doing everything they can to help Liyue. You decided to help as well. Zhongli, at first, was hesitant. He did not want you to fight as your chances of dying will increase. All he wanted to do was for the two of you to run, hide, and if anything happens, simply defend yourselves together. But no. A part of you thinks that if only you had went with the traveller, none of this could've happened. You had a tearful argument with Zhongli, just so that he could allow you to fight while he runs, saving himself from the war. Before leaving him in a cave both of you found and hid in, the last conversation you had with him happened.

"Please..dear. Please stay safe. Please do not die on me. I trust you, but I hope you know that I can never manage to lose you."

"Zhongli, my dear, you know that I cannot just leave Liyue to suffer when I have the power to defend the nation."

"But I cannot afford to lose you. I rarely do these type of things, but I am begging you to go back home harmless and safe."

"We both have lived for thousands of years. We both know that this was bound to happen."

"I do know that such is bound to happen, but I am not prepared to lose you. I never want to lose you. I want the both of us to spend each day in our life together. So please, don't just leave me. Promise me that we will still be with each other, together, even after this war."

"I will try."

You refused to look at him as you two had this conversation. But you know he was crying. You know he was suffering. You knew, however, that you need to help defend Liyue. And so, you bid your last goodbye as you left him miserable.

He waited for you. He remained awake at night, hoping to see you just by the cave entrance. But you never came home. However, he still waited. He wanted to keep his promise to you to stay safe no matter what. A day of waiting, turned into three. Three days of waiting had turned into five. Five days of waiting, turned into a week. He trusted you. He listened to you. He prayed to the celestial gods. But he cannot sit in the cave anymore, simply waiting for you. He went outside with his polearm, and tried to find you.

He went to rivers, lakes, and forests but he cannot find you. After a few days of searching, he finally sees you. Your cold rotting body, dried blood all over you, your eyes and mouth open. It was a sight he imagined might happen but he never wanted to see. He ran to you, cupped your face. Uncontrollably, many tears had fallen from his eyes as his hands shake while holding your dead corpse. He lost you. He was too late. He felt stupid. He should've done more to make you stay. And now, you're dead. The one he loved so so much, is now dead on the ground. He screamed, not caring if there is anyone near by or if there are any fatui members that could hear him and kill him. He found life suddenly useless. He found his heart empty, mind filled with so many regrets and memories of the both of you. He thought to himself why must it end this way? He was mad, sad, disappointed... Even if you were dead, he held your cold hands and hugged you for one last time.

What he did not however was that you were still there. That the celestial gods had listened to the both of you - that the both of you will stay together. However, you are only there beside him as a spirit that he is not able to see. You felt horrible. You tried your very best but you failed. And now, the both of you are covered in tears. One decision. Only one decision of yours was what led the two of you to this.

The war had ended. Lots of people died, including you. Ever since the day you died, you followed Zhongli everywhere as a spirit. You would hug him, kiss him, and hold his hand especially when he cries about your death. You know that he won't feel your affections and hear your words, but you stayed with him just like how you would as a human.

Maybe Zhongli became slightly crazy. Maybe he knew that you were a spirit. Maybe it was just his way of coping. But a lot of times, especially when he is alone, he would pretend that you are still with him. Everytime he cooks food, he pretends to talk to you and tell you about his day. Everytime he eats, he always put on two plates on the table, one for him and one for you. Everytime he sleeps, he leaves a space for you and wears a shirt of yours, and hugs the pillow you used to lay on, and he does not decide on washing anytime soon. Even in times where he would take a walk, he would have one hand open, pretending that you are there to hold it. Some had noticed this habit of Zhongli, especially the traveller and Paimon. They would think that such coping mechanism is unhealthy and will just hurt him more. Some also thinks that it is quite delusional of him to do such things. But they preferred not to tell him these because they knew how important you are to him. They knew how your death affected him so much, and decided to just let him be.

Bonus:

He and Childe are still friends in some way. Childe indeed was a part of the fatui, but was against with the war that happened. In fact, he helped the traveller and tried to save you. It was also because of this war why he had left the fatui and hated it instead. Sometimes, Zhongli and Childe would have a conversation together. Childe would even cook for Zhongli at times. And since he knows how Zhongli copes with his loss, he would make sure that there is an empty chair for you anytime, as well as a plate of food meant for you. You can't help but feel sad and happy at the same time. You were sad to see Zhongli like this, miserable and dead inside. But quite, just quite, happy that he still acknowledges your presence even if he does not know you as a spirit, but knows you as a part of his memory and imagination.

Author's Note:

Felt like writing hurt today so here, I feed you this. Archons know how much grammar and spelling mistakes are in this post, so forgive me for that. I don't know if it is sad enough to make people cry, but I wish it is because that is my goal after all. I love y'all and stay safe, have a good day <3 sorry if this is also ooc, i main zhongli but uhh :D i only know osmanthus wine

[chibivesicle]

Golden Kamuy - Kikuta deserved better - 273-276

As I catch up on things, I’m gonna hit the highlights that really stuck with me.  Ogata is able to escape from Vasily using the tactics he observed from the showdown in Barato with Hijikata cutting through random row houses.  He’s seriously gotten into Vasily’s head as he hesitated to snipe aggressively after killing the wrong guy with Ogata’s cloak.

The only worthwhile thing from this continued and seriously a no longer interesting plot point, is getting to see Ogata wiggle under a fence like a cat.

So, I approve of this at least.  My own cat scores this as an 8/10 in cat wiggling.  Minus 2 points for not enough emotion from Ogata’s face.

Thankfully, Asirpa was able to escape with Sofia after Tsukishima gunned down Ariko.  It seemed to me that Koito froze/hesitated during that situation.  Tsukishima had no problem brutally shooting Ariko at point blank while Koito literally just hung back and watched. 

Asirpa is in a state of extreme shock. She just interrogated by Tsurumi to give up the code, watched Ariko be shot and now sees Boutarou’s corpse in the bottle-mobile.  Our girl needs years of therapy - she’s reaching the same level as our male cast members at this rate.

At least she breaks down in tears as Sugimoto tries to console her.  The artwork for this part of the page is excellent, it really does capture the melting of her mind and how she’s realizing how deadly the gold is.

It ties directly back to her argument with Kikuta before all this shit went down.  I’m always giving Sugimoto crap for being a moron, but it seems that he did make the right action by reaching out to allow her to hug his arm.  There is that soft look as he gazes down at her and just lets her be emotional.  It is clear that his presence is a comfort to her as she takes her time before returning to a more lucid mental state.  This is shown by how she opens her eyes and looks up before declaring that they need to meet up with Hijikata since she’s figured out how to crack the code.

Meanwhile, Kikuta rushed Ariko to a clinic to save his life.  Being the father figure/older brother he is, he tells him that it isn’t his time to die; he never made that makiri yet! And to my relief, Ariko wakes up!  Noda didn’t go for the lazy writing of killing of the minor Ainu character, something I was afraid of.

If his father saved him, it means his makiri was where he was shot in the chest under his uniform.  There is a lovely transition about a makiri in a fictional museum that was made by him, implying that he returned home and did make the makiri and likely resolved some of his identity issues, though it was still likely a tough life for him.  Ariko apologies for not being able to work as a spy for Central and really it isn’t like he’d be able to do so anyways.  But he did verbally point out he’s now politically on the side of someone like Asirpa to fight for their culture and right to exist in spite of colonial powers. The middle panel of Kikuta bidding him farewell just gives me the feels.  It is so clear that Kikuta knows he’s toast.  He saw Tsukishima shoot Ariko and Tsukishima likely watched him as he tried to save the man.

The fact that he said a casual line about going to an onsen.  Ugh, death flag for sure right there.  It seems Ariko knows that as he looks forlorn.  Kikuta is that sort of suave man who is going to look cool even though he’s doomed; he’s that awesome.

The action returns to Tsurumi at the church having solved the code.  With Tsukishima gone off to try to kill Ariko, Koito has remained behind.  All of a sudden Koito reverts to his extreme Satsuma accent when addressing Tsurumi in the absence of Tsukishima.  I think he didn’t even realize it at first, just like how after they escaped the fight with Boutarou, Koito spoke normally to Tsurumi without realizing it.

It is clear it took him a moment to realize he was speaking ‘Koito’ as Tsurumi is unable to respond to him and he then panics.  Koito is more than willing to chase after Tsukishima and support him, but Tsurumi instead recalls him.

At first he consoles himself that everything is okay. 

He is trying very hard to convince himself that everything that they witnessed through the keyhole was all an act to get the key!  Yes, it isn’t that Tsurumi doesn’t have some sort of awesome goal and this isn’t about how the death of his wife and daughter left him unhinged!

But the other random members of the 27th then comment on how strongly Nikaido reeks of beer . . . and Koito then thinks about how he and Tsukishima were hiding in the room at the church when Tsurumi ‘checked’ that he was alone.  And then it hits him - they were also played as a part of the ‘Tsurumi theatre’.  Unlike Tsukishima who has whole-heartily given himself over to Tsurumi, it is clear that Koito can’t.

That monologue sounded too good to be true.  He weakly says Tsukishima’s name into the rain as he then thinks ‘No . . .’  The rain is really fitting in this scene, I think it really is a stand in for Koito’s own disappointment and tears in this entire crazy quest for the gold.  Is he worried about his ‘older’ brother figure?  Himself?  Both of them?

He continues to try to rationalize the performance that Tsurumi gave them - even if Tsurumi lied to them, it wasn’t all a lie.  Oh Koito.  I want to give you a hug and pull you away as your little bon-bon-ness has won me over.  Most of that speech wasn’t for Koito, it was for Tsukishima.  Speaking about helping Japan is what Koito would like to hear but we can tell he doubts that as well.  Hence, his waffling.

But then he realizes that as Tsukishima has given so much - all of Tsurumi’s words, even if they were ‘sweet lies’ as he he referred to them on Karafuto, it was just perfect for Tsukishima.  However, Koito has broken the spell that Tsurumi held over him.  The final page of the chapter of Koito looking at the illuminated Tsurumi and shutting the door on him.  It is the exact opposite of when Tsurumi rescued Koito from the kidnappers when in his youth. I now find myself wondering how this relates to the tiger curse.  It is clear that the curse for Tsukishima will not end well.  After he shot Ariko, his eyes regained their sparkle!  Not good, not good at all!  However, have I misinterpreted it for Koito that by becoming disillusioned with Tsurumi he will be cursed to be miserable through him gaining independence from his hero worship of Tsurumi?  The idea that ignorance is bliss, and now Koito is well in the know.  The fact that when he and Tsukishima were sort of on the same page was when he could speak to Tsurumi but now that he’s on a different path from Tsukishima he’s tripped up again.

Chapter 274 finally allows Asirpa to determine the fake skins after what she witnessed with Boutarou in the brewery and thinking about Ainu garments that she figured out that Edogai likely went above and beyond with his fakes.  Thanks money counterfeiting guy from the fake Ainu village for the inspiration.  It is a lot of pages that tie together other plot points nicely but really doesn’t do anything for me as a reader personally.

The most important point is that as Sugimoto falls asleep while Asirpa and Hijikata work with the skins is that we get another flashback - one that links him to Kikuta!

and even more importantly - Hanazawa Yuusaku!  Chapter 275 starts out with an homage to the classic movie ‘Singing in the Rain’.  As soon as I saw Sugimoto spinning on a lamp post, it was obvious.  Yes, small town boy in the big city - causing trouble.  He gets in some sort of brawl with random guys from the army and is ‘rescued’ by Kikuta, who immediately realizes that he’s hungry and decides to treat him to some lunch.

It shows that Sugimoto has a short fuse and is an impulsive youngster.  Really, he is lucky that he didn’t do more stupid shit to get him in trouble.  We can also clearly see that Kikuta is a member of the 1st Division, the Tokyo based one that Sugimoto eventually enlists with.

Kikuta decides that he wants Sugimoto to impersonate Hanazawa Yuusaku and to go on a marriage interview for him.  This is because Hanazawa Hiro, the now identified wife of Hanazawa, is pulling the strings in the background to prevent Yuusaku from becoming a flag bearer.

This then makes us wonder why these two parents have such contrasting expectations for their only son.  It makes me think back to my theory that Yuusaku was a pretty poor solider and lacked any skill or potential.  Long ago, Tsurumi told Nikaido that Ogata is the ‘true heir’ of Hanazawa inheriting his military and [some] leadership skills as he stood on the watch tower in Barato ordering the random gangsters how to fight effectively.  Yuusaku is a disappointment for Hanazawa - he can only save face by having his son become such a symbolic part of the army.

I laughed at the next page where Kikuta confirms that Hiro is colluding with the young heiress to steal Yuusaku’s virginity and thus preventing him from becoming a flag bearer.  I love the posture of the terrified Yuusaku!

However, Hiro’s plan has been found out by Hanazawa and he consulted with the leader of the 1st Division to assist him with resolving this unpatriotic and embarrassing issue.  Recall that Ogata was born as a result of Hanazawa being posted to Tokyo - this implies that he likely became good friends with the leader of the 1st Division during this time.

To prevent anyone from identifying Sugimoto, he’s the perfect substitute for Yuusaku and changes into Kikuta’s uniform.  He’s one of those guys who just has that look.  Sugimoto immediately thinks that since he’s been treated well by Kikuta, joining the military might be a good way to find security - in food.  However, we get a link of the cap to Kikuta and what appears to be his dying younger brother.

Kikuta looks so sad, like there is something unfortunate with Sugimoto’s statement of food.  We don’t get to see his expression, indicating he’s likely hiding his emotions from Sugimoto and instead tells Sugimoto he’s going to have to train him in food etiquette.

He’s presented with some Western cuisine, something that may blow his cover and something that Kikuta didn’t expect as he watches from a tree outside.  But again, due to his extreme luck, he’s able to use nervousness as an excuse and it gives him time to state his family his super traditional so they wouldn’t have eaten food like this.  When he’s removed the cap, Kaneko Kaeko is smitten with his handsome face. He can use his excuse as a way to have an out for not knowing how to eat that tasty ebi fry (why to I hear ‘ebi fry’ in Nyanko-sensei’s voice?).

As she explains the fancy places she’s dined at, Sugimoto thinks about how he was living off of cat food.  Cue another reason why he just hates on Ogata, since he was stealing food from Ogata’s people! 

The rest of the dinner goes well, and Kikuta checks in with him.  Meanwhile, our wealthy heiress is completely smitten with him!

As Sugimoto mulls over the idea of a somewhat arranged marriage as a negative he spills the beans about Toraji and Umeko.  And Kikuta isn’t having any of his bullshit.  I love how Kikuta points out how selfish and downright stupid Sugimoto is being in all of this.  Kikuta gives Sugimoto good advice - which he’s clearly still never followed.

He makes it clear that he’s got to give up on that hometown and move on.  Which will be completely ignored as Toraji will end up in the 1st Division with Sugimoto in the trenches.  I’m now wondering how Toraji and Sugimoto reconnected.  Hrrrmmmmm?  Is this something that Sugimoto encouraged and that’s why he has all of these unresolved emotions about Toraji’s death in the war?

The chapter reveals to us that Tsukishima’s love ended up marrying the cousin of Kaeko, making Tsukishima’s acceptance of her ‘death’ even more heartbreaking as he thought that Tsurumi had lied to him about her fate.  [weeps bitterly]. 

As Kikuta and Sugimoto discuss what appears to be Yuusaku’s lack of a free will, he’s told not to meddle in others concerns.  What does Sugimoto do? The man just can’t keep to himself and he goes and finds Yuusaku to confront him.  He wants to know if Yuusaku wants to be a flag bearer even though it is a death sentence.  How does that conversation go? Just how we’d expect with all of the information we know about Yuusaku.

I love how he’s like it isn’t to meet my father’s expectations!  It is because understand my father’s convictions and fight for my country.  Okay, you keep telling yourself that Yuusaku, but it still sounds like you are doing this for your father, you know tomay-to, tomah-to.  Sugimoto mulls over what Yuusaku would choose if given the choice.  I just sigh as we know enough about Yuusaku’s backstory that the man only does what his father says - with great conviction. All of our Ogata flashbacks have made this so clear, Yuusaku is a doomed man from the moment he entered the army.  Maybe even a doomed man from his birth even.  Perhaps, he’s acutely aware of this, but based on how freakkin’ awkward he’s with Ogata and his older brother actions, I continue to think he’s not the brightest bulb in the pack and can only be used as a patriotic pawn.

Yuusaku then becomes suspicious of Sugimoto’s line of inquiry and realizes that he’s got Kikuta’s cap.

Not sure how to respond, he runs away and we learn that Kikuta’s younger brother died of illness during the first Sino-Japanese war.   That same war that killed Koito’s older brother and that Tsurumi and Tsukishima fought in as well. With the statement of illness, I know what most likely killed Kikuta’s younger brother - malnutrition - specifically beri beri.  As the Japanese military rapidly modernized using European models, they ran into an issue with many soldiers and sailors dying of some sort of mysterious illness and it wasn’t something that impacted the Westerners at all.  Most of this has to do with the ability to eat white rice which was much more processed.  It made it more expensive, but was nutritionally bad for men who came from lower incomes or poverty.  Remember how stoked Asirpa was when she ate white rice all the way back at the herring fishery?  If anyone has read “House of Five Leaves” by Natsume Ono, you’d know the protagonist is a poor ronin and he falls ill due to beri beri.  The solution was to return to the countryside/hometown to eat a more diverse diet.  For a more detailed explanation of how bad this was for the Japanese military check out the video by Linfamy on youtube here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzIBpFDRr5g

The video even highlights the fierce (and counterproductive) competition between the Army and Navy which has already been well defined through Koito’s backstory. The chapter ends with Sugimoto dropping the cap and the polite man who picks it up for him is Tsurumi with Ogata, Usami and Tsukishima in Tokyo. The plot thickens . . . somehow Sugimoto got mixed up in the business of the 27th and apparently Tokyo isn’t a vast city that you can get lost in and everyone knows everyone.  Like how I was on flight to Saskatoon and the man next to me started up a conversation how he was from Burlington and went to Guelph and my friend who I was going to visit was also from Burlington and went to Guelph it is a small world kinda moment and in agriculture.  I digress though.  Things are starting to pull back together but I’m still not 100% on with this plot direction/story arc.