#the episode before this when the casino appeared i was like OH NO THEY GAVE THE FISH A CASINO

[justa-moth]

HELLO???

HOW DID I MANAGE TO GET SO MUCH SPOILED FOR ME, IVE HEARD SO FUCKING MUCH ABOUT THIS CAMPAIGN, I’M A BOOBER, AND YET I SOMEHOW NEVER MANAGED TO FIND OUT RANBOO WAS GONNA BE HERE????

[kybervisions]

a taste of life [kylo]

summary: ben solo is brought back from the dead by a force-sensitive pirate and is given the opportunity to start a new life as part of her crew. 

author’s note: hdjfkj i love the idea of a pirate!reader so here is my contribution,, so this takes place a few weeks after the battle of exegol in which the first order was defeated ,, if you’ve played jedi fallen order than reader’s ability is exactly like cal’s ,, lmk what you think :)) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Isao muttered as he navigated the ship through the wreckage. The ruins of Star Destroyer fleets decorated Exegol, evidence of the New Republic’s victory. And There was so much to loot! You chuckled. The Scorpion landed near a weird-looking throne. It was so dark that Isao landing the Scorpion was a miracle. 

“Well I see a very fun trip to Canto Bight in our future,” You said with a smile and ran out of the cockpit. It had been a while since you last visited the city and partook in the activities of wealthy individuals. You so desperately wanted to gamble and drink credits away, so you quickly strapped your belt on and grabbed a blaster before exiting the ship. Nori ran after you. 

“Canto Bight? I thought we were going to Jedha and see the remains of the Jedi temple there,” Nori expressed disappointment with your desire to return to Canto Bight. She had become obsessed with learning more about the Jedi after learning about your Force sensitivity. 

“Jedi Temples don’t have open bars,” You reminded your Twi’lek friend, “or casinos,” Nori sighed in frustration. “I’m just trying to be plastered and gamble,” You smiled. “No need to get ourselves involved in Jedi business,” 

You’ve known about your connection with the Force your entire life. You were a member of the Blazing Chain — an organization of nomadic raiders made up of Force Adepts that wandered Unknown Space. With no loyalty to the Sith or Jedi, the Blazing Chain simply utilized their Force abilities to make raids easier. Three wars occurred, and each time, for better or for worse, the Blazing Chain remained neutral. You had no intention in breaking that tradition. 

As you walked, you found a cube. The strong fog made it nearly impossible to see, but your foot gently kicked it. A faint blue glow radiated from the cube and you felt a compulsion to pick it up. You knelt down, and as your fingers touched the cube, a scene played back in your head. And then, a blinding white light. 

“Ahh, dank farrik!” You shouted and crawled away from the cube. Nori ran to your side. 

“What happened? Are you okay? Did it happen again?” Nori asked frantically. By ‘it’ she was referring to one of your ‘echo episodes’ in which an object gives you a memory by touching it. You were one of two adepts cursed with that ability from the Blazing Chain. It was referred to as a Force Echo. 

“I’m fine,” You groaned, feeling a sharp pain in your head. “That kriffin’ holocron was part of the battle here,” You informed Nori, crawling back to the cube. It wanted to be opened and only you could do it. 

“Whoa,” Nori marveled at the unique gold design on the cube. You held the cube in your palm of your hand and closed your eyes. Within seconds, the holocron levitated and opened. “That is so cool,” Nori muttered. 

A white ball of energy emerged from the holocron. You opened your eyes and a bright white light shined. You appeared possessed, and it terrified Nori. She screamed. You began muttering words in a language she couldn’t understand. 

The energy ball dispersed. The holocron closed and fell back onto your palm. 

“What the kriff was that?!” Nori exclaimed. You stood up, completely unfazed by the recent possession.  

"No clue,” You told your friend. 

A tall man dressed in black emerged from the fog. The light from the Scorpion beamed on the man. He was very pale and bloody. His black sweater bad a large hole and was absolutely filthy-looking. 

You would not be caught dead wearing that. 

“We don’t want any trouble, um, sir,” You attempted to de-escalate the interaction. The holocron must be worth thousands and there was enough on the Star Destroyers to share with the beaten-down man. 

“Do you know who I am?” The odd man asked. 

“Oh...um, no?” You replied. You looked to Nori. She shook her head.

“Where did you get that?” The man looked at the holocron in your palm. 

Immediately you tossed the cube to Nori, who put it inside her bag. “Get what?” You played dumb. “Do you need any help? A new outfit perhaps?” You asked him, looking at the large tear on the chest area of the sweater. 

His right hand reached for the hole in the sweater. His fingers touched his bear chest. He stared blankly at you, “I’m lost,” He felt a strange comfort when looking at you.

It was you that gave him life. 

“Well you are in luck!” You said with glee. “We are pirates and there isn’t anywhere we can’t go,” You informed the stranger. As a child you learned all the best traveling routes to bypass First Order and New Republic checkpoints. With the power struggle and chaos that followed the fall of the First Order there was no better time to be a pirate.

“Coruscant,” He replied rather quickly. With Alderaan destroyed, his mother would be buried at the capital. Coruscant had been in open rebellion against the First Order, and he was certain the New Republic would restore peace. 

Your smile dropped, “Coruscant? Why would you want to go there? Are you part of a gang?” You questioned and reached for your blaster. “Like I said, we don’t want any trouble,” You said cautiously. 

“What do you have in Coruscant?” Nori asked, aiming her blaster at his head. 

Truthfully, nothing. Kylo had nothing. 

“Where are you going?” He asked you, and your smile returned. 

“The Smuggler’s Moon,” You replied. 

Kylo remembered hearing Han mention Nar Shaddaa throughout his childhood. It was an entire world filled with pirates and outlaws. It was also the homeworld of the Hutts. Leia would threaten Ben with a visit to Nar Shaddaa when he would not behave. It terrified him as a child. 

“Got some people that might be interested in that glowing cube,” You mentioned. 

“You can’t sell that!” Kylo exclaimed. Both women took a step away from him, but they weren’t scared of him. They appeared rather annoyed with his outburst and demand. 

“First of all, I’m the captain, so watch your tone,” You pointed at him, unamused. “Second of all, I can sell whatever I want,” 

“That cube is an ancient Jedi artifact,” Kylo informed you. 

“Oh, well in that case,” You smiled. Kylo smiled too then, believing he had convinced you to keep the very thing you used to bring him from the dead. “I know just the Hutt to sell this to,” 

His smile dropped instantly. 

“Are you a Jedi?” Nori questioned. 

Was he a Jedi? Ben had been a padawan when Snoke tainted his mind. He spent more years of his life as a pawn for the Sith than he did as his uncle’s student. He blankly stared at Nori before his attention returned to you. 

“Doesn’t matter,” You answered the question for him. He was beyond grateful for your reply. “The cube is getting sold, and you, my friend, have three options,” Ben knitted his brows and slightly tilted his head in confusion. “You can remain lost on this hellish planet, I sell you, or you can join my crew,” 

“Why?” Kylo asked. Kindness was not virtue he experienced often. There had always been strings attached to the kindness of others. Snoke disguised his actions as a way of helping Ben. Oh, how stupid the mind of a child is. 

You had already done more than you knew — you brought him back to the land of the living, unknowingly it would seem. Offering him a spot on your crew was you giving him a chance to truly live. Joining your crew would also give him a chance to figure out how you gave him life.

“Tall, broad-shoulders beast like you, figure I could sell ya for some pretty New Republic credits,” You smiled, taunting Kylo.

“Isao said to hurry up or he’s going to leave without you,” A B1-series battle droid exited from your ship. The droid was in pristine shape, despite its mismatched torso and right arm. "I don’t know if he was being serious,” The droid added. 

Nori walked toward, “I’ll hold him off,” Both she and the droid boarded the ship. “And I’ll adjust your sarcasm setting,” Nori smiled at the droid. 

“So, what d’ya say?” You asked him. “Roger could use help cooking and cleaning,” You laughed as the words left your lips. You were filled with genuine happiness. Kylo could feel it, and it was intoxicating. 

He gave you a simple nod, “I will join your crew,” 

“Great, do you like Canto Bight?” You asked and began walking toward the ship. Kylo was hesitant to follow you. You felt his hesitancy and stopped walking to face him. 

Kylo studied you for a brief moment. Nothing about you screamed danger, but he was almost certain your hands were drenched in blood. “I’ve never been to Canto Bight,” He replied and took steps towards you. There was so much Ben had yet to see. So much of the galaxy still left to explore, and somehow, you blessed him with the breath of life. 

“Oh, you are in for a treat, big guy,” You stated, more than happy to show off your favorite vacation destination. “But first we are gonna need to buy you some clothes,” You said and boarded the ship. Kylo followed after you, and the scent of burnt cookies touched his nose. 

“Sorry!” Roger apologized, attempting to get rid of the smoke by frantically waving his arms.

[theinvisibledreamergirl]

Has everything changed?

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Klaw Craig)

Words count: ~ 2.5k

Category: Angst

A.N: Sooo I know that I’m late but with everything that happened in the first episode of OH Book 3 I decided to do some changes. I know you’ll hate me. Waiting for your thoughts!

MASTERLIST

———————————————————

The third year of residency began for our doctors of Edenbrook Hospital. Sorry BloomBrook Hospital. Oops again it’s Bloom Edenbrook ladies and gentlemen. Mistakes happen please.

More like a broom which has cleaned all of what the old hospital looked like.

And it had cleaned people’s character too.

And she knew this was going to happen one day. Before she would sleep her mind would go in the most irrelevant thoughts and think about what rich people can do to the other category.

The middle classes and the poor ones.

Of course she was part of the rich people but never spent her money for her pleasure nor she did accept her parents money to live. Because she wanted to be independent and to show that she could do everything on her own until the day of being a doctor came.

Her friends were the most excited ones to see the big changes of their new (as she would call) “tourists attraction” hospital and the facilities that were put in every corner like it was a casino’s place or a museum with advanced technology equipments. She didn’t share the same thoughts with them. When Jackie, Bryce and Rafael invited her to the massage place she refused it and said the same thing to Elijah for playing ping pong. While Sienna was enjoying the new coffee machine Aurora saw her leaving the rest room with a concerned look.

“Hey.” She took her arm gently. “You okay? You seem to be lost on yourself.”

“Do I really give that impression?”

“Well if we don’t see you carefully then it is obvious. Look... I know that your tensing and I can imagine what’s like but I think we should try to fit into this kind of-“

“Change? No thanks. I don’t think I will... I just need to go Aurora and please tell the others that I’m in an operation room.”

“Sure...as you wish Klaw. But if you need to talk again I’m here. We are here.”

She only nodded with a smile.

Klaw wasn’t mad about this. Of course she wanted the best for the hospital and in many others too. To provide everything in need for the patients. But the thing she worried about was the fact that Leland would be always sneaking into the diagnostics office and reminding her team to work about his wife’s case. She didn’t know how someone like him can be such a deliberate and a money maniac to take over a hospital which he didn’t have any idea how to actually handle it.

Klaw had a fear that his stubbornness and insistence will give serious affects to all of the medical staff and all of this façade would break down (that she really hoped) one day and someone else would direct it.

She was thinking of someone who knows all the struggles, all the concerns and all the medical training staff.

The one and only.

Dr. Naveen Banerji.

He was the best option for her to be not only the chief but the boss of this building. One of the most hardworking doctors in his forty years of experience in the field of medicine- who else could surpass him?

But he was nowhere to be seen and Klaw started to worry if Bloom had done something to him. She could feel a pang on her chest that something wasn’t right.

All of this glorious and masquerade day would be soon vanished and then the real face of Leland Bloom would appear and no one- not even the bravest doctors could face him if he or she didn’t want to lose their jobs.

She had to find the answers.

Ethan.

She opened the door of Diagnostics Office where she finds unexpectedly Harper Emery seated comfortably on her chair, Ethan the same too and also a never-seen-such pensive Baz staring blankly at a point. She could understand his condition right now and she wanted nothing more than to give him a friends comfort hug.

It was really strange to see Harper in the diagnostics team but in the same time she was glad for her presence as with her intelligence could help the team solving the cases. In fact she was hoping if Jackie or Aurora would join the team because they both have worked hard for the place she was holding now. But maybe because June was an attending it had to be replaced by another attending considering that Harper wasn’t anymore the Chief of Medicine. She congratulated her, gave a hug and then began with their first case.

Ethan could feel that even behind of that smile and reasonable face of his resident was something doubtful that he knew very well. Maybe it was about Harper’s appearance. He knew that she wasn’t jealous and never would be. Klaw had such an ego that sometimes had scared him and many times he thought that if her character was really like this. He should’ve told her before Harper would join the team and felt somehow guilty about it considering now that their past was gone for good.

In the meantime a voice interrupted them which definitely made them annoyed. Especially her.

“Well here’s our best diagnostics team working along fighting to beat the impossible things!” He saw their hardened gazes as he leaned on the door. “Am I interrupting something doctors?”

Klaw’s chest was rising and falling from his scrutinised face that asked such a dumb question and couldn’t even hold herself. “Yes you are interrupting us. Are you happy now?”

“Ouch Dr. Craig.” He acted as if he was hurt. “That was really mean. I expected better from you and your leaving during my speech gave me a slight concern.” His voice was playful and didn’t seem to care that much what the young resident just admitted.

Yes- she left. When he grabbed the microphone standing in the center of everyone up in the railway and giving his speech of the new Edenbrook she couldn’t stand it and walked away while digging fingers on her palms whereas her friends were still standing there listening.

Her debate with Bloom when he gave the cheque- that day was still imprinted on her mind and couldn’t forget it. She ripped it without thinking twice. Not even taking her friend’s or Ethan’s opinion because she knew the game of the rich: ‘Once you give your palm, they take your arm.’ And she knew he remembered too- the scene in front of her still fresh on her mind.

“I will never and ever make compromise with someone like you because I know how you are going to treat us. Firstly you’ll just do some cocktails party and you’ll build all the facilities the hospital needs until everyone would be gawked by your marvelous project. Then after seeing these the doctors and the nurses will forget their duties and start to have much more fun with their high wages that a hell knows what will happen next and then all this thing of yours will turn not into a hospital- but into a circus. And you will be the main clown.”

He then admired her witty response and said it was just a testing for her but she could tell that he was pissed off when she left his mansion.

By the way Mr. Bloom your constant trying to make the impossible to possible will be a failure. I suggest to you to spend your time with something much more valuable.

And she hoped he would give up. But no.

“You should be worried.” She replied angrily not breaking her glare.

“Dr. Craig.” Ethan reminded again and gave her a stoic expression to not continue it anymore because it wasn’t worthy. She silenced herself letting him handle it. “Yes Leland do you have any issues that you came here suddenly?”

“Oh nothing at all... just wanted to see how your team selects the cases.”

Is he serious?

“Simple. I review the available cases and select the ones most needing our attention. Why? Are you planning to ‘overhaul’ that process as well?”

“Oh not at all! Your team’s reputation is stellar, so you’re clearly doing something right.” Said with a chuckle. “Rest assured, I want to make sure you still choose cases that interest and challenge you. That part won’t be changed.”

Ethan nodded in agreement or almost in agreement. “Right as I was saying-.”

“I only have one request. I want this team to run more democratically... horizontal leadership if you will. In my experience, hierarchies are the death of good ideas.”

Klaw narrowed her eyebrows to a shocking-but-composing-himself Ethan knowingly as if giving him a message.

‘You wanted to deal with him? Here he is. Right in front of you.’

Harper saw her hardened gaze fixated to Ethan as they exchanged quick glances. She knew they were both stubborn people but never thought Klaw would react such in that way towards Leland. It wasn’t her. Harper knew her limits and she needed a bit of comfort later.

“But...why?” Baz finally asked and it was weird to Klaw that she was hearing his voice now. This was a strange feeling. “Our team has worked perfectly with Ethan’s leadership... and if you’re impressed with your results...”

“Ahh but what if those results could be even more impressive? We can’t know without at least running a test.”

Ethan scratched his beard in thoughts. “I see your point. You’re saying that every team needs its own leadership.” Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea to him he thought even though he didn’t want to agree with everything he said.

“Exactly! I’m glad you understood it! So your votes are-?”

“Obviously I vote for yes. I think there’s no one else who could say no.”

“I’m with Ethan since he’s the expert here. Baz what about you?” Harper asked.

“Oh me? Uhm... yeah I vote the same way.”

“Wha-“

“What about you Dr. Craig?” This time it was Leland who was asking while cutting Harper to do the same. Harper tried to smile even though she was annoyed too.

That seemed to get her attention back to reality. Because she was pretending to not listen to them even though it was disrespectful and she didn’t care.

While they were talking she got a message from Edgar that Naveen hadn’t been in the hospital today altogether with Zaid and Simon. What the hell was going on? Have these men been dusted from Bloom or what? Whatever the reason her suspicions were going to form the puzzle inside of her mind. And she hoped it wouldn’t be an unsolved issue.

“I vote for... No.” She said indifferently catching everyone’s attention. Ethan’s especially while he was parting his lips. “I don’t think that we are prepared well enough to form new leaderships in our new teams. We need to do a lot of training for interns and residents who want to be part of this kind of programme and I think is going to take a lot of time.”

“I see...Well sorry to say it but the most wins Dr. Craig.” His expression was in an amusing way. “And I think you should agree with the new...changes.”

“Of course I will Mr. Bloom.” She said with a plastered smile but surely was cursing under her breath.

With that he left the office when his phone rang giving them now the space the doctors needed. They discussed the case and set the treatment but the resident was not so much interested on it as that rat face wouldn’t get out from her mind. Harper and Baz had already left and she was about to do the same but his voice (as always) stopped her.

“Can we talk a bit?”

“For what? About how I seem to you right now? Jealous to Harper?” She scoffed.

“What? I didn’t say anything and my discussion is n-.”

“You didn’t but yet I can see that. Your eyes are telling me that you still think I am that clueless intern girl right?”

“How can you even think about this? I’ve never called you clueless and I know that you’re not jealous about Harper.”

She looked like she wasn’t believing him and it worried him as how was possible that she had lost it? Did she lost his trust? Then before he could add something else she didn’t let him speak again.

“How could you agree with him?” Obviously the question was for Bloom and Ethan was thinking for mere seconds if she heard his words before or not.

“It was the only way.”

“You think by siding with him everything would go as flowing as it was?”

This was already too much to him. Enough was enough.

“And with your behaviour you think you can solve anything?” He spit back.

“Excuse me?” She frowned shockingly.

“Yes- your snarky, ironic responses are not helping us and we’re just losing our time instead of doing our job!”

“So you think that just because I didn’t agree with you and with the others my opinion doesn’t matter? Oh wait I forgot you are my boss and I should do as you please huh? Well if you are wrong then you are Dr. Ramsey so I won’t shut up my mouth when there’s injustice here!”

“This is not about injustice here! It has been since in the ancient times and no one has ever stopped it!” When he saw where the debate was going he decided to ease it a bit. He didn’t want to fight with her. “Look I’m worried too as much as you are but you don’t have to act like this.”

She said those words before she could stop them. She regretted so much. “Oh you care about me so much don’t you!”

That behaviour.

That cold demeanour.

That selfish character was back and was slapped at Ethan’s face.

He thought she had changed a bit.

From what he remembered from her first year her behaviour was only because of avoiding her feelings but this- was entirely something else.

Egoistic. Which he didn’t except that.

He clearly was disappointed given after everything they’ve been through these past three years.

Something was for sure- she would never change and felt a pang on his chest that now it wasn’t his fault about this.

It was hers.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“I said- GET OUT!” His anger was raised so much that made her jolt. That authoritative voice was back again and her heartbeats accelerated. “Until you don’t get your shit together don’t even try to step in this office!”

She knew she had crossed her limits by her words. She had hurt him so badly that there was no excuse of making up with him so instead she walked out and slammed the door behind it.

He knew he had crossed his limits too. If he could analyse it overall she was right in a way. Leland was trying to be everywhere and meddling with his theories about how a medical team should work and how the medicine should be which was completely out of his league.

Both of them were madly in love but this time the scars of the past seemed to not leave them alone.

-----------------------------------------

P. S: Ouch this was damnnnn. Thank you for reading folks. And guess what? Now I have downloaded tumblr on my phone which gives me much more time to edit and write fics. If school gives me time of course 🙄 And if you have seen emojis from me lately yeah it’s because of new iphone 😂😂😂 And do you want a 2nd part of this? Let me know!

TAGS WILL APPEAR IN A REBLOG!

PART TWO

[i-legit-dont-know-what-im-doing]

How The House of the Lucky Gander would go in my “HDLW grow up with their Duck Cousins counterparts” AU:

Gladstone somehow manages to get a working cellphone and call McDuck Manor, he gives them the address of the hotel/casino and says that they should all come and visit him and “the kid”. 

Beakely, who answered the phone, can hear a slight edge to his almost too calm voice, and when she asks why he’s been missing for almost a decade and if he’s just been hiding at a casino he nervously laughs and says that of course he hasn’t been hiding and that they really should come down for a visit, and then he loses connection and Beakely can’t reach him again.

Donald wants Dewey to stay behind as they still don’t know why they haven’t been able to reach Gladstone all these years and it could be dangerous but Dewey insists that his brother will be there and he’s already waited 10(or however old he is) years to meet him and he just can’t wait any longer.

Donald eventually agrees so long as Dewey doesn’t leave his or Scrooge’s sight the entire time.

Once they get there they are greeted by Gladstone who has a boy almost identical to Dewey standing behind him and wearing a green suit to match his uncles.

Dewey runs up to the boy and hugs him excitedly and quickly introduces himself as “Dewey Turbo Duck!” and then gets even more excited when the green duckling awkwardly says his name is Louie because “Dewey and Louie rhyme!”

Donald and Scrooge introduce themselves a little nervously, especially Donald who is worried about his nephew not being able to understand him, but Louie just quietly waves and keeps him and Dewey between Gladstone and Donald.

Scrooge suggests that they get going but Gladstone quickly shuts that down and insists that they let him and Louie show them around

Dewey is very impressed by Gladstones luck.

Donald is kind of mad at Gladstone for continuously showing him up and embarrassing him in front of his nephews, he thinks that Louie’s first impression of him is that he’s a loser.

Dewey makes the remark, “Uncle Donald most be the most unlucky person in the world!” but misses Gladstone replying with, “We’re counting on it.”

Eventually they wind up at the door and Gladstone tries to stop them from leaving only for Scrooge to ask why he’d want to stay in the same bloody place he’s been for years.

Gladstone stumbles through a few excuses before Scrooge and Donald grab him and rush out the door with Dewey on their tails dragging Louie

The almost make it out when translucent green chains wrap around Gladstone and Louie and yank them back

“Oh, did I forget to mention? We’re kind of prisoners here...”

Scrooge asks why he didn’t just say that, and the Luck Vampire, Liu Hai, appears with the answer.

Donald and Scrooge immediately notice how Gladstone steps protectively  in front of the boys and puts an arm out to separate them from Liu Hai.

They didn’t notice it before, but Gladstone has changed a lot since they last saw him.

Scrooge challenges Liu Hai and says that if he wins they all go free, but if he loses then Liu Hai can keep all of them.

Liu Hai agrees, so long as he can keep “The luckiest duck in the world” no matter what.

Gladstone agrees before Scrooge can stop him, shocking his Uncle and Cousin.

Liu Hai makes Gladstone and Donald the champions, much to Scrooges dismay.

Gladstone tries to mess himself up purposefully hoping that at least Louie will be able to escape.

Donald almost gives up but then Louie speaks for the first time since introducing himself;

“Come on Uncle Donald! You’ve always been my hero! In all of the stories Uncle Gladstone told me you never gave up! No matter how bad things got, and I mean like really really bad, you kept going! You never backed down then, so why start now?”

Donald has a new burst of confidence and a flare of protective energy for his family and just barely manages to beat Gladstone to the finish line.

When Liu Hai claims he still had the luckiest duck in the world while grabbing Gladstone Scrooge points out that Donald beat Gladstone, which, technically, makes him the luckiest duck in the world.

Liu Hai takes Donald and throws the others out.

Dewey gets mad at Scrooge who merely counts to three.

Donald is thrown back and Liu Hai does not look happy.

He says, “Deals off.” and then the chains lash and wrap around Gladstone and Louie, pulling them back into the disappearing casino.

Bet you weren’t expecting that ending. If there are any episodes that you’re curious about how they’d go in this universe then let me know! I’d be more than happy to go into detail about them!

Important Links For AU

[filo-academia]

ooo for the character ask you rbed awhile ago, could i ask for sigma or yosano? thank u :)

hiiii! thanks for the ask. your choice of characters is really nice! i'll try my best to lay out my opinions here, but i don't think i'll be able to give you some for yosana bcs i am not that confident with my opinions on her ;;; anyways, i'll go with sigma first~

 • Why I like them 

Sigma is simply not unlikable. It’s just the vibes he gives when he is in his own habitat (e.g. the casinio), he really was so confident there and I just… I’m weak for that kind of vibe. And also, his duality, like despite looking confident, he’s an anxious and desperate little thing. But most importantly, his sense of morality. I don’t know, he crosses the boundaries of the popular argument of nurture vs nature. Even when he was dumped into the world without any family or ties or purpose, it looks like he intuitively knows that his purpose is not bound for killing (remember: he didn’t ever want to stab Taneda-sensei. He was only driven by DoA’s mission.) There might be underlying reasons why, and honestly, I’m still looming over it through headcanons and theories (but for now I am focusing on Nikolai and Fyodor, so Sigma baby have to wait). Sigma just wants something that would define him, or make him feel like he belong. Hence, why he was so desperate to protect the casino because his identity is tied to it. If he loses it, what would he be? Of course, Fyodor nails it on the part that he knows what Sigma wanted – a home and a purpose. Also, he’s really kind to his customers to a point that he gives them a second chance in every game by sabotaging the game himself, lol. (And memorizing his clients’ numbers and needs.) That’s some high level of service right there. So yeah, he’s just overall precious. 

 • Why I don’t 

Who doesn’t like Sigma, let’s talk. Okay, honestly, I don’t think he is ever culpable for not being able to get out of Decay of Angels. The strong reason would be because it’s the only place that provided him home, security, safety, and identity. He’s deeply tied to the organization because of that. And yes, because he experiences what it feels like to be a stray, and to stay in prisons, and he doesn’t ever want to go back there. So yes, I don’t have any reasons why I don’t like him. For me, there’s simply not any. 

 • Favorite episode (scene if movie) 

Since we still don’t have Season 4 yet, so I’m going substitute manga panel/s for it. Though idk why I can't insert photos when answering this ask. Is there a new Tumblr update for the features? I think there was, but anyways, I'll just going to verbalize it. Most of my favorite manga panels of him are those where he's the most vulnerable, like that time he gave up in front of Atsushi and that one where he slipped off Atsushi's grip. It makes me want to hug him ;;; 

 • Favorite season/movie 

I’ll just substitute this is favorite arc in the manga. Of course, the current Decay of Angels arc where he appears the most. 

 • Favorite Line 

Sigma has said some lines that really resonates so much, but I will just cite one that sticks out to me. 

 “Hey, somebody tell me, can’t an ordinary man be forgiven for wanting to protect what’s important to him?” 

 • Favorite outfit 

The one he’s wearing, of course! Sigma’s character design is really interesting. The fact that he’s wearing heels and earrings is so groundbreaking. And also, Harukawa-san snapped when they made him have a galactic design in the interior of his coat. And his turtleneck! I really love the fact that he wears a turtleneck underneath, because strip him off other layers and leave him in that turtleneck and slacks, imagine the power he would have. I think it won’t be a stretch to say that Sigma is one of the characters in BSD with Best Character Design. 

 • OTP 

I know GogSig is a known rarepair with Sigma involved, and yes, I have written it at some point – mind you, it’s the fic with my highest word count – but I’m not totally knee-deep in the ship. But I have encountered a rarepair fic before of Chuuya x Sigma, and when it flashed in my mind the potentials of that ship, I do think it’s nice! Kinda has the same vibes with ChuuAtsu, hence why I’m here for it. 

 • Brotp 

I wanted to put Sigma x Atsu in OTP, but I realize I see them more as siblings/best of friends. I don’t know if that counts as Brotp. 

 • Headcanon 

Not much, but I hc Sigma as asexual and nonbinary. And also, I don’t think he’s scared of insects.

• Unpopular opinion 

People sometimes call him Fyodor's OC but I don't really think that's the case. Maybe, my point here is un-improved and I must have totally missed other information in the manga (so correct me if I did) but I do think that Sigma isn’t made by Fyodor. He woke up in a dessert, right? Three years ago (as of documented so there's a possibility of something before three years ago.) But the Decay of Angels only obtained a page in consequent to the happenings of Sunday Tragedy, and the events all rolled over quickly from the moment ADA was framed. (And the casino was made 8 days prior to Skyfall.) Besides, Fyodor fetched him up from a prison which might indicate that Fyodor must have only heard of him, and that there might be someone else who made him. But is it actually canon that Fyodor admitted to making him or I totally have forgotten that part? My memory is so wack sometimes, I’m sorry. And also if people only dubbed him as Fyodor's OC as a joke, forgive me for not understanding ;;; 

• A wish 

I wish Sigma will be with ADA at the end. He just suits to be there, and since BSD has this way to perpetuating patterns like Oda adopted orphans and influenced Dazai by taking in and helping Atsushi, so it is my own wish that such would also influence Atsushi to take in Sigma. Though he already basically had done it by initiating to recruit Kyouka into ADA, but can Sigma be the other one? Please. 

• An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen 

That Sigma would die when he would touch Fyodor to extract information from him. I think it’s pretty much hinted that Fyodor can control his deadly ability but, like, if he knows that Sigma is getting used by Nikolai just to know about his ability, it’s scary for me to think that he would kill Sigma upon the moment of contact. Well, it’s only a theory, so I desperately hope there are other ways to know about Fyodor’s ability without having to possibly kill Sigma in the process. He deserves a character arc with a happy ending! 

 • 5 words to best describe them 

 Precious, soft, desperate, must protect 

• My nickname for them 

I like calling him “Sigma baby~” in a way to indicate that he’s a baby. 

 As for Yosano, like what I said, I am not so confident with my opinions of her ;;; except that I DO LIKE HER and I ship her with Kouyou. 

 Anyways, that's all~ ah, i hope my answer isn't too bland or too explosive either. ;;; i hope it reached your standards ;;; but really, thank youuu! it was fun to talk about sigma. i always have time to talk about sigma huhuhuhu

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Akudama 2 - 3 | HypMic 4 | Yashahime 3 | Taiso 2 - 3 | Moriarty 2 | Maou-jou 3

Akudama 2

I think one or two of the reviews I read of this anime picked up the names of each episode are based on movies and it seems they’re right. Namely, episode 1 is Se7en while episode 2 is Reservoir Dogs...so they’re crime movies specifically.

Kanto, Hikari etc. are the names of certain shinkansen.

Playing with your own blood in front of a no violence sign and smoking in front of a no smoking sign…LOL. So edgy and yet simultaneously so fun.

…*blinks* Welp, that OP was…an experience.

…hey, Funi are hypocrites…they gave HypMic a language warning, but not this???

Come to think of it, this anime is already exactly how I’d imagine the HypMic MTC episode to go…but with more cyberpunk, of course.

…why is “are you gay?” an insult…? I thought we were past this point years ago.

…what’s up with these puppets? The shark’s shirt says “fool” on it…

The rabbit and shark’s shirts keep changing every time they spin. When they talk about poverty/rich, the rabbit shirts says “poor” and the shark’s “rich” (or something of the sort). When the shark talks about Kansai burning to the ground, his shirt says “nervousness”.

Wow, Hiroshima vers. 2…Rabbit: peace/shark:war

Hoodlum’s just a sycophant…

…ooh, so if the girl and Hoodlum aren’t part of the plan…they could f*** s*** up?

LOL, plasma shield.

“Lil’ stick”? That’s a jitte! A non-bladed weapon which is still plenty nasty by itself!

Ken the 390??? I knew UraShimaSakataSen were on this ED and I knew this was a rap ED because I heard it in AMQ before I was able to finish this ep, IIRC, but I didn’t expect the guy from BATTLE BATTLE BATTLE....

Taiso 2

A-hah! I was right on the money! Tomoyo is an actress!

Oh, it’s senu. That’s an old-timey way of negating your verbs (it’s shinai now), hence “retires not”.

I think they’re hailing Minamino as the first winner in 45 years if I understood the newspaper article on the screen right…?

Does this mean Minamino will join Leo and Aragaki…? The OP shows him with them.

The AnimeLab translation of the title is “Duelling Samurai”, but the translation on the hardsubs is “Rock-Bottom Samurai”. The word donzoko indicates the latter is correct.

I think Leo said “Rei-chan”, not “Rachel”. It’s a bit hard to hear because he’s eating though…

I think there’s only one line where he doesn’t talk like a ninja in his intro to Ayu and that’s the line where he uses keigo instead.

I think the card says “acupuncturist Kawa????” (can’t read the last character due to Britney’s thumb), but…welp, Britney’s kinda disturbing in their (not sure what pronoun to use) own way. There also appears to be an address in Ikebukuro on the card.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Leo learnt how to speak Japanese fluently from ninja movies – that’s a pretty common anime trope, like in Tada-kun’s Rainbow Samurai case. “Always make your heart rainbow!” and all that jazz.

…so that’s what the card said - Kawamoto Orthopedic Clinic.

“My shoulder would…”

Seriously, this anime is just an excuse to look at Aragaki in different outfits (and also shirtless) and I love it, LOL. (I’m such a simpleton.)

Ah…sometimes, people ask me about the days when I used to learn piano and I bring up the fact there is such a thing as “overpractice”. I thought gymnasts would know when they hit their limits in that regard, but…I guess they don’t because they’re so consumed in their passion, or they can’t see what they’re doing to themselves (because it occurs under the skin and doesn’t ache)…?

Minamino is basically Yurio…LOL.

That’s a cute, laidback ED. It’s called Yume? (yes, with the “?”) and it’s by Hatena, hence Leo’s shirt saying “Hatena”.

Welp, I don’t think anything supernatural will happen anymore, but…it’s still a fun anime. They toned down BB too, which should please a huge number of reviewers who found him obnoxious.

Yashahime 3

Hitokon? Short for “hito control” (hito = person)? Update: It seems the name was also kanji for “flying head root”.

“…puts one to sleep.”

“…from a place like that?”

Can a Dream Butterfly steal memories?

Moriarty 2

“Colum” (sic).

These CGI horses are gonna bug me, aren’t they…?

There is this sentiment that people need to be “saved” from poverty, especially when it comes down to African and Asian people living in slums (these days). I get the same feeling from this.

Maou-jou 3

Free advertising for Maou-jou’s home magazine! LOL!

I was wondering why those things were called “Show the Mary”…remember Mezo Shouji from Boku no Hero Academia? Same pun (the walls have ears and the doors have eyes, or something of the sort).

LOL, instead of yokudekimashita (literally, “you did good”) it’s makura ni narimashita (“you made [the book] into a pillow”). The common sentence ending for verbs means it’s funnier in Japanese, I think.

…argh! I can’t read all of Alazif’s info because of the hardsubs! Umm…”Current worry: Princess” and “Worry of the past hundred years: Destroying the demon clan” is in the box next to the logo. “Powerful magic techniques are recorded inside this book, so the demons feared it and sealed it away as a ‘forbidden grimoire’.”/”Currently, under the control of the princess, they’ve been bestowing magic and magic techniques to her, so they haven’t been used for the purpose they were made for and they’re wishing the princess would use them for not-so-stupid things” (I don’t know what pronoun to give Alazif, so I gave them 3rd person “them)…ah, someone translated the stuff for me! (That saves me a lot of time.) So Alazif is a “he”, huh?

OHKO to Demon Cleric, LOL.

SAN…? Oh, “sanity”?

Oh, Demon Cleric’s ears are black goat ears. No wonder you can’t see ‘em.

This sword is like Ex from Princess, ‘Tis Time for Torture!

HypMic 4

From here until episode 6-ish, I’ll be paying extra attention to characters’ role language. I normally do that, but I picked this anime for an assignment because I knew it had a lot of examples…yes, you heard me right. An assignment! I should be happy, but I’m wondering if my taste is going to get roasted by the normies or if I’ve gone too far with my unabashed love…

I was discussing with some of my peeps in a Discord server and…is it possible MTR will get an ED from here on out if you divide the episodes up for an almost equal amount for each division? We’ll have to wait and see.

…Oof. I’m sort of scared for this episode. It’s gonna have swearing galore…and yup, there it is, right out the gate.

Wait, why not translate wakagashira? It just means “young head” or “2nd in command”.

…well, at least they got some variation in their swearing this time…?

Hmm, normally the translation is “rabbit cop” or something toned down like that. They dialled it up to “rabbity-ass cop”. (Yakuwarigo: Samatoki = na, on the whole = very, very slang – as a former naval officer, you would expect Riou to speak formally, but he speaks as casually as almost everyone else (yamero etc.))

I’ve never seen anyone refer to Samatoki as “Kashira”. *laser stares Rentei for guest VA roles*

(Yakuwarigo: Samatoki (?) = zo)

“…why don’t you ask the cops to deal with it?” – Uh, Samatoki? Jyuto is the cop. (Well, a cop.)

I still have no idea why they subtitle the laughing…

Wait, if there’s a casino…is Dice there?!

…yup, right on cue. I didn’t think Tom and co. would be there too.

Oh, LOL. HypMic is a tourist trap anime = see those buns Tom’s eating? They’re chuukaman (Chinese buns). Makes sense in Chinatown.

It took me several watches to realise who’d passed by, but it’s…MTC in formal clothes?! (You can see part of Jyuto’s face, just to confirm it.)

Why are they wearing glasses? Even Jyuto’s wearing different glasses to the usual, LOL.

I learnt how to do some of the casino stuff while trying to get a job as a gaming customer service assistant in a huge casino joint one time. In a sense, this brings me back to then. (Update: I mean, the sound of the roulette, the sight of the board, the chips and the like. That’s what takes me back.)

(Yakuwarigo: Dice slurs his words a lot, especially when yelling things along the lines of “Please lend me moneyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” This is also true in the game.)

Dice seems to have jumped straight to “Riou”, rather than “Riou-san”.  

I wonder if anyone will ever elaborate on that incident where Dice and Riou met?

(Yakuwarigo: Samatoki speaks coarsely, but not outright swearing in the source language…for an example, he says kussotare when roped into being Jakurai’s “female counterpart” for the ARB Halloween event, but he doesn’t do anything of the sort here.)

Even Ramuda uses “san” with Samatoki, most likely to emulate how Samatoki calls himself “oresama” (but with lower formality).

Ramuda-chin? That’s new.

Yakuwarigo: Gentaro spoke normally, just with desu/masu. Maybe the “perchance” was to make it blend in with his -de aru?

Uh-oh…Ramuda’s favours always are things like “dress up for me” and “hang out with me”, if the game is any indication. (One of them happens to be how Ichiro was roped into being a sorta-Kirito for the ARB Halloween event.)

This CGI…it’s not the jankiest, but it is gonna bug me ever so slightly.

I’ve noticed a lot of people in the English-speaking fandom, when they watched the anime, took a shine to MTC (because they seem to embody the entire “refuge in audacity” thing they’ve picked up on…plus that one hamster lyric people got attached to). You can see them being all “cop/gangster husbands” here if that’s your gig – it’s kind of my gig, but to be real HypMic is not a scene where I ship dudes. I’m sorry, but I just like watching pretty boys kick butt.

What warranted the dramatic glasses drop…? (LOL anyway)

That whistle…LOL. It’s like “Look at my boy fight” and “Riou’s got some sweet fightin’ moves” rolled up in one.

For some reason, when I saw the sign for the Organised Crime department, I heard the Student Council theme from Boueibu play in my head…? (Remember that harpsichord theme?) *shrugs* I dunno why that happened.

Hmm…they crossed out the subtitles using Swedish letters instead of strikethrough, huh? Didn’t know that was a limitation.

(Yakuwarigo: Jyuto = dazo)

“Wouldya look at that forlorn mug of his?” – Seeing a man taller than you (Riou is a good 190 or so cm, mind you, making him the tallest member of his division above Samatoki’s 180-something and Jyuto’s 170-something) making a sort of demented puppy-dog face…LOL.

(Yakuwarigo: Jyuto elevated himself to kimasuyo…maybe to win back Riou’s favour?)

(Yakuwarigo: The translation elevated Samatoki’s “nanda” to “the f***”. “Nanda” is not that bad – it’s casual, but doesn’t imply swearing like “ittai” is supposed to mean “the hell”.)

(Yakuwarigo: Jyuto doesn’t finish when he says “ore wa hanashi ga”. That’s called an omission, plain as that may be.)

(Yakuwarigo: Taihendaze!...Maybe that’s a bit far to call it “we’re f**ked”…? It could just be “we’re doomed!” or “we’ve got trouble!”)

(Yakuwarigo: Jyuto uses desune. He’s the most feminine of the trio by virtue of being the smallest height-wise and most polite due to his job, but he seems to bounce between casual and polite a lot.)

…wow, even the rap lyrics have the F bomb…and this time, you can see the evidence.

Natsu no mushi = bugs in the summer. Not a perfect match, but it works. (Notably, things like Gentaro’s speech and rap lyrics don’t play by the same yakuwarigo rules because you can play characters within it – e.g. the evil doctor Jakurai sometimes plays. I’ve noticed most of the songs use casual or whatever rhymes, even for someone like Doppo who’s considered more polite than most.)

…Despite the swearing…that song slaps, man! That’s great.

MTC seems to have more tragedy on average than other divisions. This is because FP and BB are quite light-hearted and mostly family-friendly with hidden depths, but MTR mostly has stalker stories. Update: That’s when they’re focussing on MTR solo. FP’s currently could get pretty dark soon and a lot of the dark/tragic stuff is not actually going to make the anime because it’s in the drama tracks/manga.

My gosh, we got to see Nemu animated!

Okay, I’m not well-versed in yakuza slang but kumicho = boss, so Samatoki would have to answer to a kumicho.

(Yakuwarigo: Notably, when Riou bows, he doesn’t elevate his speech.)

(Yakuwarigo: Jyuto = desukane)

…and randomly, rock solo postcard memory away from the sunset. (LOL) (Also, I believe I befriended Zainou during my time on WordPress. This episode title really does mean things, in a certain sense.)

Ah, it did switch! It’s just…uh, gone to an MTC version of itself (and it has the same name, “Kizuna”). So that means we wait another 6 episodes for MTR. On the other hand…what will the final version be? A whole cast version? A different song? No song at all? *shrugs* Only the future can tell us these things. (Also, why is Jyuto so loud…? That’s why I’m not a bigger fan of him. Much like Ramuda’s minna genki?, his iconic quotes like “In the building!” are so loud and silly-sounding, you just can’t get them out of your head.)

The cityscape in the middle of the disc at the ED’s start seems to have changed. I would assume that’s a Yokohama skyline.

Keiichi Nakagawa is the voice of Rentei…I should stop burning myself on guest VA appearances, this guy’s a rookie. This Nouzenkazura VA (Kenji Hamada) though is voiced by the guy who does Otegine in Touken Ranbu and isn’t as much of a rookie as Rentei’s.

Notably, where BB do the “BB sign” (as it seems to be known), MTC do a finger gun. MTR have the wolf fang, but…what is FP’s, then? Update: It’s a peace sign to the side to make an F.

Today’s new music was “Red Zone (Don’t Test da Master)”, by KLOOZ and DJ WATARAI.

*cringes at the airhorn* *briefly presses fingers to forehead, as if going to massage temples, but then removes them* The airhorn reminds me of crazy sport fans. Crazy anime fans are more civil than them, which is one reason why I don’t follow sports on the regular.

Update: Oh! The pond owl cafe in episode 2! It means Ikebukuro!...Sort of. Fukurou rhymes with ‘bukuro and ike = pond.

Akudama 3

Hmm? Is it just me or is that T in the code the kanji for “bird” (tori)?

“It’s where I belong.” – I know my reason for pursuing Japanese is a purely selfish reason – so I can stay above others in the topics I think matter to me and pursue the endless natural high that comes from the thrill of translation (which may be all one reason or two, depending on how you look at it).

Oh, the bunny and shark again.

The bunny’s shirt said “life” at one point, I didn’t understand the shark’s though.

At one point, shark: Ka (from “Kansai”), bunny: ken (authority).

At the end, shark: heaven, bunny: hell. These broadcasts look like NHK broadcasts at the end.

Most of these words are katakana, making them look foreign.

Kansai 300, 25-1.

“Move-you-s**t!” – It…seems a bit out of character for Swindler to say the swear word there.

Taiso 3

That CGI…is not the greatest.

According to Moon Land, gymnastics operates on a deduction/addition system. You add points for difficulty, but deduct points for errors like how Minamino’s feet are apart.

*sees montage* - Those CGI scenes really take out the budget, huh…?

Gymnastics moves are named after their creators…kinda like scientific names and finders.

There was a lot of commentary in Moon Land so I’m not sure what the moves are called from memory (the dialogue always did that for me), but having the reactions speak for themselves…I think the anime team has enough faith the reactions will convey everything. They did, by the way.

You can see the bone at the base of Minamino’s neck, under the skin…it’s sort of scary.

The fact you couldn’t see Jotaro’s eyes for a shot or two…that kind of unnerved me and built tension.

Oh! The men in black appear after the credits!

[douxreviews]

American Gods - ‘Git Gone’ Review

"That was vulgar. I’m a vulgar woman. Anger and grief have… have really just made me vulgar."

American Gods gives us the Gospel According to Laura, and answers a few questions to boot.

OK, it's cheating just a little bit to end two episodes in a row with the exact same cliffhanger, but wow, what a trip it was getting there the second time around.

So, at the end of the previous episode, Shadow enters his motel room to find his recently deceased wife, Laura, sitting on his bed waiting for him. Expectations, then, were that we'd pick up at that same point and get to see their inevitable confrontation over the whole 'died while orally servicing his best friend' situation. But 'Git Gone' takes a different path, and instead goes back to before the show even began and tells the whole thing again, but this time from Laura's perspective.

This is by no means the first show to do an episode dedicated to re-staging things we've already seen, but from the perspective of one of the other characters, but there's a reason that shows like to do it, and it's not just the cost savings of re-using existing sets. The primary virtue of this setup is that it allows you to fill in a lot of character information, while revealing information about events you've already seen that we didn't know at the time. Case in point, we've already heard the phone conversation between Shadow and Laura in 'The Bone Orchard'. but now we know that she literally had his best friend naked on their bed while she was talking to him. That changes how we feel about Laura during that conversation a lot.

So, let's talk about Laura.

For the first three episodes, Laura has essentially been a woman in the refrigerator. It's an insidious trope, which can be boiled down to the idea that stories tend to treat female characters as someone to kill so that the important character, i.e. the man, can be properly motivated to do whatever the story needs him to do. It's a pleasant relief then to find out that, no, Laura has been having a fairly eventful story of her own, and her untimely death was only the middle part of it.

The thing that 'Git Gone' makes clear about Laura is that she is fundamentally self-destructive. The very first decision we see her make is to attempt suicide in her covered hot tub by breathing in the titular bug spray, and that appears to have been brought on by nothing more than the casino she's working at telling her that she can't shuffle the cards by hand anymore, but she likes shuffling cards so she's super sad about it. She's clearly smart and perceptive; it takes her all of three seconds to understand the con that Shadow is trying to pull at her blackjack table. She's also basically kind, since her response to his con is to point out the casino's security measures and what they'll do to him when he's caught, then takes his bet and tells him to finish his drink and go home while he can. But when Shadow approaches her afterward and tries to ask her out in a reasonably polite fashion she's not interested. She only becomes interested in him once he starts getting stalker-ishly creepy. The same is true of their sex scene. She's bored out of her mind when he's being a courteous lover, and slaps him full in the face for no other reason than to see what he'll do. That's just not a safe thing to do to a guy you just picked up after he attempted to rob your casino, and whom you know absolutely nothing about. Which is why she does it.

The sequence of scenes where we see Shadow grow happier and happier while she grows sadder and sadder tell us everything we need to know about Laura. She likes Shadow, but he's nice. And when Laura has something nice in her life, Laura is immediately compelled to destroy that thing. That's why she suggests the casino heist that gets Shadow sent to prison. That's why she starts sleeping with Robbie while Shadow's away. Note the way that Laura only slept with Robbie the second time because he had accepted her statement that they shouldn't. Note also how she was clearly just as bored during her sex with Robbie as she had been that first night with Shadow. It was never about the sex, it was about inviting things into her life that would cause as much damage as possible. When Audrey mentions that she wishes Robbie looked at her the way Shadow looks at Laura, you can feel how little Laura values it. How much she needs to destroy it, in order to prove to herself that she doesn't deserve it. Honestly, season one doesn't give us much in terms of Laura's early background information, and the book gives even less, but note that Laura's mother appears to be at their wedding and her father isn't. I suspect there's a lot of interesting backstory there, and I hope we get more of it in the future. People this self destructive don't just happen for no reason.

And hey, we mentioned Audrey a moment ago. Audrey, and I'll make no bones about this whatsoever, is my absolute favorite character in the show, despite only being in two episodes of the first season. The scene between Audrey and Laura in Audrey's bathroom is absolutely the centerpiece of this episode. That scene works on every conceivable level. It's simultaneously hysterically funny, heartbreakingly sad, and the weirdest thing you're likely to see on television. And it all comes down to the fact that both Betty Gilpin as Audrey and Emily Browning as Laura play the absolute emotional truth of the moment, despite the fact that the moment is a zombie with diarrhea on the toilet in front of the woman whose husband she died while blowing. Oh, and she stopped by to borrow craft supplies. The whole thing is basically, what if The Walking Dead was a production of the Hallmark Channel, and those two actresses make it work. Audrey is confronted with the woman she thought was her best friend but was sleeping with her husband. Who died while betraying her. When Audrey speaks the line 'I found out my husband was cheating on me and dead in the same sentence' you absolutely feel how much pain she's in, and it feels real. Despite the zombie diarrhea and the craft supplies, it feels like genuine emotional damage that she has no idea how to work through. It's amazing.

Then Audrey gets her craft supplies, sews her friend's arm back on for her, and drives her where she needs to go. Because she has no idea how else to respond to the situation. And if anyone is capable of getting through the following exchange without falling in love a little with Audrey, then that person has no soul. As Audrey is sewing her dead friend's arm back on and discussing the way that friend slept with her husband:

Laura: "I feel terrible about it." Audrey: "Oh, F*ck your feelings."

Quotes:

Laura: "Is this your first time trying to rob a casino?" Shadow: "A casino? Yeah." Laura: "Well, you’re really not very good at it."

Shadow: "All l know is there’s more than I know."

Laura: "There’s no farm upstate for old dogs."

Laura: "I have a perfect plan. You will never get caught." Cut to Jail Laura: "How did you get caught?"

Laura: "I lived my life. Good and bad. Definitely not light as a feather."

Audrey: "…Laura?" Laura: "Hey Audrey." Audrey:

Laura: "Audrey. Audrey. Don’t call the police." Audrey: "Get out of my house, you zombie whore!"

Ibis: "Don’t move. You’re still tacky."

Bits and Pieces:

-- Nice fake-out at the beginning with the Egyptian theme casino. The casino's name was 'The 26th Dynasty' Apparently that was the last Egyptian dynasty before they were invaded by the Persians. I don't know if that's at all important, but information is always nice.

-- Mrs. Fadil's post-death scene with Anubis last week served the important function of letting us understand what was happening to Laura this week. It's a little weird that Laura would be the province of an Egyptian death god though. They hand waved it last week with Mrs. Fadil remembering the old stories, but all we get here is that Laura is Anubis' concern because of the manner of her passing. That seems like a curiously specific thing for an Egyptian god to care about. Maybe she had to sign a release when she started working at the casino or something.

-- The hot tub is a visual metaphor for nothingness and oblivion. Watch the episode with that in mind and it opens up a world of interesting interpretations.

-- Do people leave their TVs on for the cats while they're out? It made total sense that it was the death of Dummy the cat, who Laura claimed to not even like, that drove her completely off the rails and into the affair with Robbie.

-- I'm not sure why, but the Egyptian eyes on Laura's work uniform bow tie really freaked me out. Like, to an irrational degree.

-- Laura's dialogue, 'When you die, you rot,' is shown over the images of her and Shadow's wedding. That was a nice directorial touch.

-- I liked the visual cue of Shadow leaving his wedding ring on the statue of the Eifel Tower when he went to the gym. That's a real thing, I take off mine myself to work out.

-- Three episodes later, we find out that it was Laura who killed all of Technical Boy's henchmen and saved Shadow from the lynching. Wow, zombie Laura is apparently quite strong. And can kick you in the balls so hard your entire spinal column flies out the top of your head, which was a funny sight gag.

-- Mr. Jacquel, a.k.a. Anubis, told Laura that after this was all over he would complete his task and send her to oblivion. So now Laura has a matching doom over her head to go with Shadow's promise to let Czernobog smash his head in when it's all over.

-- I'd have liked to have known what happened to Audrey after she and Laura encountered Jacquel and Ibis. I assume she just dropped Laura off and went back home, but it would have been nice to see it.

-- Absent entirely this week - Wednesday, Mad Sweeney, Bilquis, Media, Technical Boy, Czernobog, The Zorya sisters, and Mr. World.

A great episode that gave us a lot of character work and some intriguing answers, but at the expense of paying off the previous episode's cliffhanger.

Three and a half out of four hot tubs.

Mikey Heinrich is, among other things, a freelance writer, volunteer firefighter, and roughly 78% water.

[jollyinha]

Soooo... I saw an One Piece tag in Reddit, and for some reason I really like doing tags, even though no one gives a fuck about it. Since I have nothing better to do, LET’S ANSWER IT!

1 - Who is your favorite character and why? (Additionally, who is you fav Straw Hat?)

Most people would guess that it’s Sanji, since I’m crazy for this boy literally since I put my eyes on him... But my favorite character is Luffy, because without him, I wouldn’t stay interested in One Piece for much time. I kept watching the anime because I thought he was a funny and interesting protagonist, and it changed my life.

Besides, he is everything I love in a character (Especially in a protagonist): Dreamer, determinated, funny loyal and dumb. He inspired/inspires me in many, many ways, and I just love this strawhat boy.

2 - Who is your favorite villain and why?

That’s a tough one... Arlong impacted me the most (I hate, haaaaate his guts!) and Lucci akuma-no-mi is pretty cool. But I’m saying Crocodile. I mean, c’mon, the guy tricked an entire kingdom, defeated Luffy TWICE (I think it was twice, correct me if I’m saying shit), had an entire organization... And had banana crocodiles and a cool casino. And his akuma-no-mi is badass too. I kind of hope that he appears again in these recents arcs, even if it’s very unlikely!

3 - What is your favorite quote or statement? 

Oh man, there’s so many of them... Screw that, I’m making a small list.

-  "When does a man die? Does he die when he's been shot? No. Does he die when he's ravaged with disease? No. Does he die when he's been poisoned? NO! A man dies when, and only when, he is FORGOTTEN! “

-  "A man's dream will never die!"

- “The government says your existence is a crime, but no matter what kind of weapons you may hold, just being alive isn't a sin! THERE'S NO CRIME IN LIVING!!!''

-  “Don't start a fight you can't finish.”

4 - Who is your favorite female character?

Urgh, I love all my girls! I love Robin, Vivi and Nami nearly equally, but I’m saying Nami. Her backstory was the first one that actually made me cry. It’s amazing to think that he was stealing from pirates that could kill her, even though that she was just a child! That moment when she asked for help... Damn, it brings me chills. 

And I also love how even though she was already extremely important for the crew while being only the navigator, she still wanted to become stronger, and asked for Usopp to create the Clima Tact. She uses her intelligence to fight, fights for her friends when it’s necessary and still saves everyone’s butts by being the amazing navigator we know!

5 - What is your favorite fight? 

I gotta say the fight against Lucci. Not only was a very intense battle and it was the first time Luffy used a Gear, but I love its meaning. If he needs to kick the World Government’s ass to save a crewmate, he will absolutely do it. Nothing shall stand in his and his nakama’s way!

6 - What is your favorite episode? 

Well, I don’t ACTUALLY watch the anime since Alabasta. After that, I’ve only watched a few loose episodes, so I don’t know a lot about the anime. But I’m saying the episode that Brook joined the crew. The expressions and the voice acting are just on point!

7 - What is your favorite One Piece opening?

We Are!, of freaking course. It’s the only opening that I never skipped while I watched the anime. Although We Go! comes in a close second. Believe in Wonderland is good too.

8 - What is your favorite movie, special or "episode of"?

I did enjoyed Strong World and 3D2Y a lot, but Gold was amazeballs, starting with that freaking catchy song in the beginning. The animation is GORGEOUS, Tesoro is very interesting in my opinion, the outfits are amazing, and the final battles were pretty cool too. I didn’t liked Carina very much, tho

9 - What is your favorite arc in One Piece?

Alabasta, without any doubt. Baroque Works was freaking charismatic, the scenarios were interesting as hell, Vivi was an amazing character in general, the battles were intense and fun, and it’s such a funny arc! I really like the filler were Ace spends a while with the Strawhats too. Water 7 comes in a close second place.

10 - What is your favorite One Piece videogame? 

One Piece: Pirate Warriors 3. It’s so much fun to play with characters like Hancock, Ace, Law and Tashigi! The story log is very nostalgic and the dream log is addicting as hell.

11 - If you were in the One Piece universe, who's crew would you join and why?

What kind of question is that? Strawhat Crew, of course! They all have this sense of one for all and all for one, and they really look like a family, and this is very heart-warming to me.

12 - What is the saddest One Piece moment?

Weeeeeeell... I’ve been stuck in Dressrosa for a while, and the saddest moment in my opinion is at Whole Cake. I took EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SPOILER of this arc, though. Without hesitation, it’s Sanji’s backstory. I feel like crying when I only see PICTURES of his backstory... I don’t even want to think what I’m going to feel when I actually get in Whole Cake. Sanji occupies a very special place in my heart, so it hurts a lot to see that this was his past. Congratulations, Oda, you completely broke my heart once again. Also, Pudding can stick her finger in her third eye and go to hell

13 - What is the most shocking moment? 

The third scene that made me cry in One Piece: Usopp VS Luffy in Water 7. These two are such good friends! That’s why I remember that I was freaking out when they began to fight. 

14 - What is the funniest One Piece moment and who is the funniest character?

There are plenty of funny moments in this beautiful story, so I’m going to say more than one. Zoro getting lost, Luffy’s impressions, Robin’s imagination and all the “Can you poop?” moments. And of course that Luffy is the funniest character.

15 - What is the most memorable moment? 

That moment when Luffy gets Zoro’s swords, and he defends his captain for the first time. C’mon, it’s the beginning of the crew!

“Nice, Zoro!”

“It was no trouble, Captain.” 

16 - What is your favorite ability in One Piece?

Hana-Hana No Mi. It’s elegant, has many uses and it can be powerful as heck. I totally want it! Emperor’s Haki is a close second, tho... 

17 - Do you own any One Piece merchandise? (Official or not)

Many of them! All the mangas that were/are being released on Brazil, the special editions (Red, Blue, Yellow, Green and Wanted!) an giant wallpaper, plenty of posters, many figure actions, an Sanji cosplay, a flag, a strawhat, a keychain and a notepad (The last two actually came from Japan!), a necklace and a shirt.

18 - Do you prefer watching One Piece in sub or dub?

As I said up there, I’m brazilian... So I never actually had acess to the english dub, and the portuguese dub (It’s a very good dub, btw) came out before I knew One Piece. So, it’s sub.

19 - What is the #1 thing you love the most about One Piece?

I’m a sucker for this kind of thing: The whole dreams, freedom, friendship and bravery message that it passes. I keep the lessons that One Piece gave me deep in my heart. They give me hope and happiness in hard moments.

20 - What is the #1 thing you hate the most about One Piece? 

There’s two of them: The brazilian fandom and what they did to Sanji after the timeskip. Brazil’s fandom is full of toxicity, arguing, homophobia and sexism. And Sanji was so smooth and serious before the timeskip, but I feel like he became a gag after the timeskip. Where’s the suave Sanji, goddamnit?!

21 - Does One Piece take your number 1 spot in your top 10 animes? (If not, where?)

Absolutely yes. One Piece saved me from dispair countless times. Its jokes, its lessons, its characters... And if it weren’t for One Piece, I wouldn’t have known half of my friends, and honestly, I don’t know where I was going to be nowdays if I didn’t had them. In many aspects, One Piece saved my life. I’m eternally grateful to Oda. One Piece is a huge inspiration to me in both emotional aspects and in a writer’s point of view. Watching One Piece was the best choice I ever made, because that silly strawhat boy changed my life and took me out of the darkness many times. I love this masterpiece with all my soul.

[aggressivelyfestive]

What Makes the Sky Blue - Chapter 8: The One

Whoops, sorry about the delay. I got caught up in both GW and then the new story event.

Summary: 

During the fall a mysterious presence manifests and calls (Captain) a singularity, wishing to know the extent of (Captain)’s power and determination.

(Captain) awakens on Lumacie to the sight of overjoyed friends. Sandalphon, on the other hand, is beset by rage at the utter failure of his plan- that’s when the supreme primarch, Lucifer, appears.

Lucifer foresaw what would come to pass and worked behind the scenes to foil Sandalphon’s plot. He absorbs Sandalphon into his own core, thanks (Captain) and company for their efforts, then disappears with the other primarchs.

With peace restored to the world and reconstruction under way, (Captain), Vyrn, and Lyria continue their glorious adventure across the skies.

Episode 1: During the fall a mysterious presence manifests and calls (Captain) a singularity, wishing to know the extent of (Captain)’s power and determination.

The clear blue sky stretches out as far as the eye can see. How much time has passed? Has it been hours or mere seconds? Up is down and right is left. All sense of time is gone. Lingering in (Captain)’s head are visions of Vyrn, Lyria, and everyone else in the crew.

[Flashbacks start]

Vyrn: Say, are you serious about leavin’ the village?

-

Lyria: You should have seen it, Katalina! This hero saved me! It was so… heroic!

-

Katalina: Thank goodness she hasn’t been injured. Have you two been protecting her?

-

Rackam: If you plan on calling yourself a crew, you’d need at least one helmsman on board before anything got started.

-

Io: Nice to meet you… I guess I owe you one. Thanks.

-

Eugen: Hey! Nice work. You caught the ragtag bunch, eh?

-

Rosetta: Oh, I’ve gone and frightened you… little old me! You see I’m but a poor, defenseless woman.

[Flashbacks end]

Countless precious memories flood through (Captain)’s mind as consciousness gradually fades away. A mysterious roar sounds, and a voice speaks to (Captain).

Great One: Child of the Sky… I am the dawn and dusk of creation. I have come to you as you near the brink of death. The time has come to test your strength and resolve as a singularity.

The gravitas and divinity felt from each breath compels obedience.

Great One: As a singularity you are one of the seeds holding sway over the fate of the world. The contrasting fates of the crimson dragon and the girl in blue by your side will bring about much hardship. Much like the cataclysms the world has just overcome. Knowing that, you still reach for the ends of the skies?

> Absolutely.

Great One: …

> I don’t believe in fate.

Great One: To believe or to deny is your choice; regret will come either way.

Great One: The intertwining fates of the two will ultimately bring about the ruin of all worlds. Whom will you choose when that time comes? Your crimson friend or the one who shares your soul?

> I’ll save both of them.

Great One: What a bold thing to say.

> That time will never come.

Great One: What a strange thing to say.

Great One: And now for my final question. What is it that drives your conviction? How do you so fearlessly embark on this journey toward destruction?

> My friends make all the difference.

Great One: I suppose that is what gives you strength as a singularity.

> I’m not alone.

Great One: I suppose that is what gives you strength as a singularity.

Great One: Such childish resolve… Such frail strength… And yet I cannot deny the possibility that lies within…

Lyria (echoing): Open your eyes!

Vyrn (echoing): Wake up!

Lyria (echoing): Please, (Captain)! We need you!

Vyrn (echoing): Don’t give up yet, (Captain)!

Episode 2: (Captain) awakens on Lumacie to the sight of overjoyed friends. Sandalphon, on the other hand, is beset by rage at the utter failure of his plan- that’s when the supreme primarch, Lucifer, appears.

Lyria: Ah! (Captain)’s awake!

Vyrn: Phew! You almost gave me a heart attack back there, (Captain)!

(Captain) wakes up at the cape- as if the fall had never happened. Surrounded by relieved and overjoyed friends, (Captain) breathes a sigh of relief.

Lyria: Sniff… Sniff… I- I don’t know what to…

> I’m back.

Lyria: Yes! Welcome back, (Captain)!

Vyrn: Hehe. Good to see you up and about, sleepyhead!

> Crybaby Lyria.

Lyria: O-of course I’m crying! How could I not be? Hey, what’s so funny?

Vyrn: Ahaha! Crying one second, fuming the next- you’re having a busy day!

Katalina: (Captain)... I knew you still had it in you.

Rackam: Hahaha! You definitely had us on edge there. So… what happened at the bottom of the skies?

Io: How strange. I thought I saw Vyrn and Lyria summon something. Then the next moment (Captain)’s sleeping like a baby on the cape.

Eugen: Hah hah hah! Nothin’ wrong with that, is there? (Captain)’s alive, and that’s what matters.

Rosetta: Hehe, looks like even this 2000-year old archangel is confused.

Sandalphon: How could this be! The terrifying roar shook the world! Why hasn’t Pandemonium been opened? Is there some other condition I don’t know about? Or has the situation changed since I was last in there? Why, why, why!

Michael: Silence yourself. You’re obviously out of options.

Uriel: Want me to shut him up for you? I’ll have to hold back this time though so I don’t accidentally kill him.

Gabriel: Leave him. He does bring up some good points though… Did we simply luck out, or is there more to it all?

Raphael: There is only one possibility…

Brilliant rays of light suddenly surge from the bottom of the skies and pierce through the island, extending far into the welkin. An archangel gently ascends from the rays of light, softly flapping his wings on the way up.

Michael: The supreme primarch!

Lucifer: Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, Raphael… You’ve done well, I appreciate all your hard work.

[The four primarchs straighten proudly.]

Lyria: Oh my! I’ve never seen them like that!

Vyrn: So that’s the supreme primarch… His aura’s just incredible!

Sandalphon: Lucifer!

Lucifer: Sandalphon.

Episode 3: Lucifer foresaw what would come to pass and worked behind the scenes to foil Sandalphon’s plot. He absorbs Sandalphon into his own core, thanks (Captain) and company for their efforts, then disappears with the other primarchs.

The eyes of Lucifer and Sandalphon lock in an intense gaze.

Sandalphon: So you’ve already manifested. I suppose that’s also why Pandemonium won’t open up.

Lucifer: Yes, I held in the core of the seal on Pandemonium.

Sandalphon: Hah hah hah… So you saw this coming… You ignored my rampage and kept watch on Pandemonium this whole time… Mwahaha! Am I so worthless to you that I’m not even worth confronting?

Lucifer: That’s not it. Archangels are forbidden from interacting with the world. I simply fulfilled my duty.

Sandalphon: That’s exactly the problem with you! You always filter out the things you don’t care about! How could you possibly understand the suffering of those deemed worthless! Those of us who get filtered out have no choice but to take things by force!

Lucifer: …

Sandalphon: It could’ve been anyone. Anyone at all. I just wanted one person in the world to tell me that I matter- that I’m needed! Do you even know what that’s like? Someone like you born out of necessity and looked up to by all the archangels could never fathom that pain! I don’t care if the whole world hates me! I…

Lyria: (Captain)... Sandalphon…

Lyria tightly grasps (Captain)’s clothing with trembling fingers.

Lucifer: Sandalphon… So I see the discovery of your purpose is what caused you to close off your heart.

Sandalphon: Humph… Call me childish if you wish.

Lucifer: You brought me peace of mind every time I came by the lab. Your lack of a role allowed me to look upon you as my equal. Your purehearted words would always instill me with such tranquility.

Sandalphon: …!

Lucifer: Forgive me for not noticing your feelings of inferiority earlier.

Sandalphon: Stop it! Don’t think I believe this farce for even a second! But it’s too late to make amends now! Hate me! Destroy me! Punish me! If you forgive me, my last 2000 years will have been for naught…

Lucifer: I am no less guilty, and so I deserve equal punishment. Take solace in my core, Sandalphon.

Sandalphon: Lucifer-

Sandalphon turns into an infinite number of tiny particles of light before being absorbed into Lucifer’s wings.

Michael: Is it over now?

Lucifer: Yes. (Captain), I thank you for stopping my fellow archangel before it was too late.

Lyria: Um… So what happened to Sandalphon in the end?

Lucifer: He has returned to my core. Think of it… as a baby returning to its cradle.

Lyria: Huh?

Lucifer: We shall meet again. Until then continue forth on the path you believe is true.

Michael: I applaud your efforts in stopping this whole mess. I’d love to spar with you next time we meet.

Gabriel: Teehee… Silly Michael. Bye, everyone. Hope to see you again!

Uriel: You guys rocked hard back there! We’d have such an awesome battle if it ever came to that!

Raphael: Safe travels and fortuitous winds to you.

The primarchs vanish one after another… Leaving an awestruck crew on the cape.

-

Episode 4: With peace restored to the world and reconstruction under way, (Captain), Vyrn, and Lyria continue their glorious adventure across the skies.

[At the Hall of Knowledge]

Arusha: What a relief. It’s a miracle that only a few volumes were damaged in that attack!

Johann: Yeah. Thanks to my barrier, you know…

Arusha: What’s that, Johann? Did you forget that you have to make up for breaking the lock on the secret archives? First I want you to pick up all the books on the floor and put them back on the shelves. In the right place!

Johann: Sigh… How many days is that going to take? Hm? Whoa, this text is amazing! You’re the best, Hall of Knowledge!

-

[At the Casino Liner]

Tycoon: Impossible! I lost my fortune in just a single night!

Richard: You have no one to blame but yourself. Putting stock in baseless rumors is one thing, but putting a bounty on a brave young lady?

Tycoon: Wait! You’re not going to get away with this!

Richard: Oh? Trying to take back your losses by force? That’s not-

Therese: That’s not smart! Hah hah! Come at me! I’ve got tons of arena experience. We’ll settle this with a duel!

Tycoon: You’re the undefeated champion, Therese!

Richard: Uh, Therese? Please don’t steal my thunder like that…

-

[At Fremel Island]

Stan: Graaah!

Juri: Yaaah!

[Their swords clash before the two push away.]

Stan: Huff… Huff… Man, you’ve got spirit!

Juri: Bleh… Huff.. Same to you, Mr. Stan. When did you get so good with the sword?

Stan: Just call me Stan. I’m self-taught, Juri- Oops, can I call you Juri?

Juri: Of course! So you’re self-taught. I suppose I should adopt more of my own style too!

Stan: How about another match? Dorya-

Aliza (coming out of nowhere): Doryaaa!

Stan: Augh!

Juri: Stan?

Aliza: What are you doing? You’re supposed to be helping with the reconstruction! Come one, let’s go! The mines are waiting, dummy duo!

Stan: Y-yes, Aliza…

Juri: Sorry, ma’am…

-

[At the Knickknack Shack]

Sierokarte: Welcome! We’re currently running a limited-time sale on all weapons and armor made from halo crystals!

Farrah: C-come on in! We’ve got some hot items for you! Say, Siero. Why are you selling this creepy stuff? It looks like it’s about to come alive at any minute.

Sierokarte: Don’t you worry your pretty little head. This is just a trader’s way of helping with the restoration, Farrakarte. We’re recycling, bringing in tourists, and donating some sales proceeds to the town! That’s three birds for one stone!

Farrah: Oh, I get it! Business is a really deep topic. I’ve got to keep studying! No, wait… Siero, I hope you know I have no intention of becoming a trader!

-

Every island is busy with repair efforts now that buoyancy has stabilized. The Grandcypher has also undergone maintenance and is currently performing test runs before taking to the skies.

Rackam: Hahaha! Excellent, excellent! The engine’s humming beautifully!

Katalina: Hehehe. That’s a relief, considering what we made the Grandcypher go through.

Eugen: Hah hah hah! That’s the first time we’ve had to push the Grandcypher so hard! I sure as heck wouldn’t wanna repeat it!

Io: Hm? But weren’t you romping about with excitement? You and Rackam both.

Rosetta: Oooh, this looks fun. We might not be able to go as fast as the archangels, but let’s try to feel the rush of the wind.

-

(Captain), Vyrn, and Lyria sit on the bow staring off into the vast azure blue.

Lyria: Hey, why is the sky blue?

Vyrn: Huh? That’s a weird thing to ask all of a sudden.

Lyria: Ahaha.. Well… I never really gave much thought to things that are obvious until now. Looking at it again makes me realize how beautiful it is. The size of it all is a little scary actually. That’s just me anyway.

Vyrn: Haha, what are you talkin’ about? It’s like you’re a rookie skyfarer. But after all those awful cataclysms, I get why you’d feel as if things had returned to the beginning.

Lyria: The beginning… Yes, it does kind of feel like when we first started our journey. Once the islands have been restored, everyone’s sure to come back to the crew!

Vyrn: Yep! Then we can get back to the real adventure!

Lyria: Teehee. Let’s do our best! Right, (Captain)?

The rumblings felt around the world have passed, and the crew once again sets out for the ends of the skies. Whatever hardships may arise, or whatever mysteries seem unsolvable, they believe in each other to overcome any obstacles.

End Chapter 8: The One | Start Wyvern’s Reverie

[moonlitalien]

Okay so, here’s my own tiny review (more like a rant lmao) of TLJ, don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie obviously!

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS BELOW

Because it’s a Star Wars movie, and because I’m a SW nerd, obviously, I HAD to see it on the first day, and I was so excited I barely even slept the night before. The thing is, in the end, I was oh so heavily disappointed. Now don’t get me wrong, I love SW and obviously I will see episode 9. And even that crappy Han Solo sequel, probably. Disney knows exactly what they’re doing, and of all the people I’ve talked to who have been so disappointed by TLJ as well, 99% of them said the exact same thing as me: “I used to love the old trilogies, and the EU - therefore, I will see any upcoming SW movie, even if I know it’s gonna be bad”.

I think that sums up my opinion of SW as a whole ever since Disney bought Lucasfilms. I don’t like Rebels, I don’t like the new trilogy, I don’t like how stupidly childish, sweetened down and cheesy they are, but I’m a victim of my own initial love for SW, so... :’)

...My biggest issue with the entire movie is that it didn’t feel like a Star Wars movie at ALL. I spent the entire movie being like, “Who the fuck are you?? What the HELL is this? Where the hell are you going??!”

Nothing felt like SW. It was an outrageous insult to every single old fan of Star Wars - they made up new species, new planets, new characters, and as soon as Leia and Chewie die in (I suppose) the next episode, there will be nothing left of SW at all. It’s gonna be a cheap, childish universe that has nothing to do with Lucas’ SW. Going to a casino planet? Oh, better make it a NEW boring, ugly planet that felt like something out of MASS EFFECT instead of SW, instead of making everyone happy and making them go to Nar Shaddaa. Same for that dumb crystal planet at end - why not make them go to a new ~old Resistance base planet~ instead of oh, idk, Hoth or Yavin, AKA some REAL Resistance planets from the old trilogy?

And the worst part? I spent the ENTIRE casino arc (and the entire movie, in fact) staring at the background and the extras, and.. I couldn’t spot a SINGLE alien I knew. No Twi’lek, no Togruta, no Devaronian, no Pantoran, no Chiss, NOTHING. It was either a bunch of ugly humans in ugly costumes or some unknown cheap-looking alien species. I THINK I saw something that looked vaguely like a Dug at some point, but that’s... literally it. I was so sad and so fucking disappointed.

Now, for a list of pros and cons for the rest of the movie:

PROS: - The scene where Leia uses the Force to bring herself back into the ship was absolutely incredible and brought tears to my eyes. The visuals were beautiful, it was just... perfectly executed. - LOVED all of the Kylo/Rey scenes, I’m honestly biased because Daisy and Adam are some of my favorite actors, and they were absolutely incredible in their roles. The hand touch was just... beautiful. When Rey feels the rain and Kylo does too because of their Force bond... It gave me chills. It was beautiful and so sad.  - Rose was easily the best developed human character in the trilogy and I think that says a lot considering she’s been here since, well, the beginning of TLJ only. Also, she was beautiful and adorable and really badass. - The space battles. Incredible visuals again. The moment where Holdo drives the ship into hyperspace straight into the Imperial destroyer was just so beautiful. - Yoda’s Force ghost. So beautiful and so sad, and I was so happy that they used the same model that they used in the first trilogy. - Luke’s death. Not the ACTUAL death, which was super badly executed IMO, but the final scene where he becomes one with the Force, with his theme song playing in the background - it made me tear up. It was SO beautiful and so good. As Rey said, there was no sadness, he passed away feeling whole again. - The last scene with the little slave kid telling the other slave kids about the Resistance and the Force, and that tiny moment where he uses the Force to grab his broom, and the last scene where he looks at the sky, it gave me so many prequels/original trilogies feels. 

CONS: (oh boy) - The really terrible conclusion to all the Kylo/Rey scenes, where they decided to just... kill off Snoke and make Kylo the big villain. Broke my heart. Really terrible writing, so predictable, again a representation of how stupid Disney’s view of the Force is: everyone is either black or white, and if there’s a SINGLE doubt about their alignment, it WILL be made clear at some point that they’re either super evil or super nice. Kylo was nothing but a sad boy, I was heavily disappointed that Disney chose to make him kill Han, and SO happy when he decided not to kill his mother in TLJ. I was almost starting to believe he could get a redemption arc, but no, it would’ve been too complex and interesting for the kiddy audience obviously. - Luke’s... entire arc?? Entire character?? Disney absolutely destroyed and burned down everything about Luke and the entire movie was just a fucking fiasco because of this. They turned the loving, friendly, ever hopeful little boy into a bitter monster who, for a second, would have been ready to execute a CHILD, his own NEPHEW, in his sleep. Into a stupid Force user who, after witnessing what the Jedi and the Jedi code did to his father, turning him into the galaxy’s most hated man, STILL chose to keep using the Jedi code and to teach it to his students. Ridiculous, completely OOC. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Poe got. Hundreds of people died because of him, including Rose’s sister. It was so OOC and such terrible handling of his character, I’m honestly speechless. - Whatever this mess of a story arc Finn and Rose got...? What was the POINT of this entire arc since it led to absolutely nothing except more pain and suffering? Ridiculous. - WHERE. WERE. THE. ALIENS. Seriously, FUCK OFF DISNEY. I’m so tired of all these humans. SO TIRED. The galaxy is NOT MADE OF A MAJORITY OF HUMANS, FFS. The casino was full of humans, the Resistance was full of humans EXCEPT THREE characters that I spotted in the background on top of admiral Ackbar (who fucking died too??), and even Phasma was also a human. When her helmet shattered, oh boy, I had this faint hope that she would be a Chiss, but NOPE. ANOTHER HUMAN. - Those marketing-driven scenes with the ugly birds (’Porgs’) and the uwuwu cute crystal foxes uwu like lol, go ahead, just buy plushies and figures of them, that was the only purpose of their appearance in the movie anyway. - Leia’s lack of love and empathy for her son. Luke’s unshakable need to remind everyone he needs to murder Kylo for the greater good. It was so OOC for both of them and CAN DISNEY JUST GIVE KYLO A BREAK LMAO. They turned what could have been one of the most interesting twist on a kid falling to the Dark side into a ridiculous evil puppet. Also, Leia has ONE child, and she would never hate him. OOC as hell. Next. - That dude from the casino whose name I can’t even remember, who helped Finn and Rose with the Destroyer and etc. Who the fuck. What the fuck. I just?? Why?? What was the purpose of this ugly drunk hobo besides making me hate Finn and Rose’s arc even more lmfao??? AND WHY WAS HE HUMAN AGAIN PLS REMIND ME? - NONE of the theories/questions were answered. Who is Snoke? Don’t know, don’t care, boom he’s dead. Thanks Disney. Rey is so strong in the Force because she’s related to Anakin? Lol no, she’s a random character with random parents. I was facepalming so hard.

I just. Oooh boy. This movie was a disappointment, It was exactly everything I knew it would be because Disney is bad at storytelling and likes to make everything easy and simple to understand for their stupid goddamn kid audience. Like go away lmao. I’m gonna sound like an old bitter harpy but the EU > Disney. SW was never supposed to be so easy to understand, it’s supposed to be complex, full of mysteries and theories. My mom and I regularly debate about Anakin and Padme and Obi-Wan and Luke and it’s been YEARS since these trilogies ended. That’s not going to happen with TLJ.

What I’m looking forward to in the next ep, even though I know it has 99% chance of not happening: - Leia getting a beautiful death, because she’s a queen, a mother, a legend and deserves the best death ever. - Hopefully a last goddamn chance for a Kylo redemption arc. Like lmao I know it won’t happen and Disney will just keep ruining his character but a girl can still hope. - More Kylo/Rey scenes since they were some of the best parts of TLJ. - More Rey/Finn/Poe scenes because we got nothing at all in TLJ except a hug between Finn and Rey at the end and like a two-word exchange between Rey and Poe. - More cool space battles. - MORE FUCKING ALIENS. FFS. JUST GIVE ME ONE TWI’LEK AND I’LL BE HAPPY. - An Obi-wan and/or Anakin Force ghost. - An interesting ship that isn’t necessarily straight (just saying this because I can FEEL the Poe/Rey happening even though they have 0 chemistry and it’s making me sad :’)) - PLEASE just tell me who the fuck Snoke is and tell me he isn’t really dead. Please. The ~supreme leader~ can’t possibly have such a retarded death with 0 background for his character. It makes no sense.

[sambinnie]

How are you? I wish I had something more incisive to greet you with, but the speed with which everything occurs means it would be irrelevant, distasteful or a viral punchline a few hours later. 

I have been to the cinema for the first time in six months, and continued my regular habit exactly where I’d left it by attending a first-thing-in-the-morning screening of Tenet with only one other person in the cinema, sitting miles away and also on their own (the only way to watch a film, I say). Fucking Tenet, though. I mean, I have really missed going to the cinema, partly because I love films and partly because there’s such a small-scale decadence to occasionally going there solo at 10am on a Tuesday morning, and those tiny pleasures (which, of course, are currently no longer tiny) are just the things to keep me going.

But the film. Oh god, the film. I wish… I wish I could collate my thoughts into something which doesn’t just rapidly descend into a frustrated scream. I wish success didn’t mean people couldn’t say no to you. I wish I liked Nolan’s Batman films, for a start, since so many seem to get so much from them (see also: Breaking Bad, Killing Eve and Line of Duty), but I’ve always found them silly, really dumbly written, and badly made — I can’t hear much of the dialogue, and the action sequences are frequently shot with so many cuts and movement that’s it’s impossible to follow, something George Miller could teach him about so beautifully — and they’re so bloody solemn. Gotham is a grim place, but there’s a boring pomposity in fetishing that one-note grimness, and Nolan has it nailed. Having a character genuinely laugh at something doesn’t render your film light-weight; it creates contrast, and human engagement, something these serious (but sci-fi)/serious (but fantasy)/serious (but adult man dresses in a cape) films too often lack, as if a strained, one-note way of speaking will cancel out the frivolous, actually enjoyable genre aspect of the film. 

That lack of humanity is shared by Tenet. After a certain point, I simply don’t care. Is the nuke going to explode before Batman can something something something? *shrugs* Will the Tenet team manage to stop some sort of bad thing happening? Yes? No? Don’t mind, fine either way. Is Tenet nice to look at? Yes, but in a sort of “Christ, are we still holding up billionaire oligarch lifestyles as an aspirational thing at the moment?” very pre-2020 mood. Does it make sense? No, but that alone doesn’t mean it isn’t good — some great films, and some great Nolan films, take several goes to fully enjoy, and some are more enjoyable with every watch. Do I give a single fig about the outcome of the film or for any character after 20 minutes? Nope.

One major issue is that Nolan has made Inception, a masterpiece of film-making meta-commentary. How, once you’ve watched Cobb and Ariadne discuss the leaping-about way of conversations in films/dreams (stopping and starting in completely new locations) can you take the same thing seriously between Neil (Neil. Neil.) and The Protagonist? (I would like to see how many women read this screenplay along the way and just gave a small, inner sigh at the main character being named 'The Protagonist’.) As their boring expositional chats chop between pavement and public transport and plaza, one can’t help remembering how well Nolan previously pointed this out, yet has reverted to that self-conscious device to no benefit at all. It’s like he’s never seen his own films.

Similarly, the much-lauded aeroplane scene is completely without the necessary ingredient of tension because we’ve already been shown what happens, not just in other films but in this one, about fifteen minutes before. It’s like Bill & Ted promising they’d do whatever it was they needed right now, but in the future, and their momentary problem being solved by a loose sense of timey-wimey future self-ness. There’s nothing at stake at the airport, and between us being shown what happens and the scene beginning, nothing has happened for us to even hope the mission isn’t completed. It felt like the criminally underused Himesh Patel was in an instructional video for fuss-free plane-borrowing; compare it to the similar scene in Casino Royale (perhaps the only modern Bond film worth bothering with) and the flatness and mechanical nature of Tenet is all too apparent. The twists of the film, such as they are, are likewise foreseeable for even the least Pauline Kael among us. Who could it be under the mask? WHO COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? 

The Prestige, an earlier film of Nolan’s, is such a contrast to this that I’m stunned I didn’t watch it the moment I came home to clear my brain out. It’s smart, logical, moving, tense, engaging, and if there are plot holes (probably) I didn’t care because a) I really, really cared about what happened to each person, each of whom spoke and behaved like humans, not AI script-bots, and b) it gave this household a v useful shorthand nickname for anyone who wanted something one day but completely inexplicably changed their mind or denied it the next. I recommend it. I do not recommend Tenet. 

Of course, I feel guilty for caring so much about this, and writing about some fucking multi-squillion-dollar film with everything else happening. I am feeling extremely, crushingly ineffectual presently, and have completely come off all social media which from time to time would remind me of the efficacy of protest, of letter-writing and petition-signing and contacting one’s MP, so change feels hopeless and November’s blows seem inevitable. I am trying to knit my mind back together before then with small acts of body-work: cooking and running, drawing and swimming. I worry that I will drown in guilt and fear if I stop for a moment. It is pathetic, but I am still breathing, for now. 

My cynicism-filter is also at its finest mesh, because it cannot cope with the reality of our leaders and the UK’s political discourse: only small-fry stuff gets through, the Sali Hugheses and Jack Monroes, small-time fantasists who manipulate and virtue-signal to build lives of back-slapping consumerist celebration and Twitter Power Leader Boards. I’ve listened again to The Purity Spiral, and also to Desperately Seeking Sympathy, and wondered how many intelligent, kind-hearted people waste time supporting these innocent, victimised mini-Trumps just because they use the right buzzwords and also appear to hate the Tories. 

I wish I could give you some of the lights in my heart that keep me going — the occasional pure moon-eating delight of the people I live with — but here are more feasible treats instead.

Mike Birbiglia’s podcast Working It Out is a treasure, particularly the first episode with Ira Glass, which I think everyone who works in a creative field will listen to and wish they had an Ira Glass to critique their work. I like the idea of documenting works in progress, and not carrying any shame when things don’t work yet.

The Rose Matafeo episode of The Horne Section podcast, because I love her and I love stupid and brilliant songs. Several housemates have discovered Taskmaster too, which makes this a nice bridge.

Sarah & Duck, the BBC programme for tiny children. We never really used kids’ TV when they were little, but this now functions as a salve for when we’ve watched something truly terrifying like Poirot or a Marvel film, and besides the fact that Duck is absolutely fucking hilarious, the animation is staggeringly beautiful. The Islamic geometric patterns of the garden hedge; the soft blue-green hum of the “glow” section of the library, filled with lamps and luminescent books; the motes of dust caught in the sun-rays of Scarf Lady’s window. It’s a balm. 

Thanks to two housemates becoming great cooks over lockdown, I’ve rediscovered lots of my cookbooks and found 2015’s Simply Nigella to be a real corker. The rice with sprouts, chilli and pineapple, the drunken noodles and the Thai noodles with cinnamon and prawn are worth the entry fee alone. It’s quite chicken- and pomegranate seed-heavy, but even if you don’t like those, it’s extremely nice to be eating something that isn’t on our usual five-meal rota (and is also extremely delicious).

I was solo for some of the summer, and managed to watch a few excellent films, including BlacKkKlansman, The Peanut Butter Falcon and Love & Friendship. Cannot recommend these highly enough (*whispers* particularly the latter because it’s as painfully sharp as Austen should be, and we’d made the mistake of watching Emma. and I’m still so cross I’m not sure I’m ready to discuss everything that was wrong with it publicly yet).

I read Esther Williams’ memoir, The Million Dollar Mermaid. Perfect for anyone who loves that period of Hollywood, and full of juicy (as well as some pretty traumatic) episodes from the swimmer and actress’s amazing life. To give you a sense of it, chapter one is called “Esther Williams, Cary Grant, and LSD”. Super good. 

I hope you all keep well, pals x

[omfgtrump]

A Prayer For Mr. Meany

The name of this piece is a wordplay on John Irving’s novel A Prayer for Owen Meany. It has been many years since I read it and I couldn’t remember much about it, so I looked up the plot to jar my memory and saw this:

Owen is a remarkable boy in many ways; he believes himself to be God’s instrument and sets out to fulfill the fate he has prophesied for himself.

God’s instrument? Isn’t that what some Evangelicals think about The Don? Isn’t that what The Don thinks about himself, that he was ordained to return White America to its prominence on the mount? 

These days everyone is talking about praying. Not much of a praying man myself, I must admit that the acquittal of The Don by the soulless Republicans has me considering genuflecting. 

Now that I think of it, I have an old pair of ripped jeans with knee patches that I am going to search for in case I start involuntarily kneeling on the street. 

At the annual National Prayer Breakfast (where the menu includes wafers and lox?) Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor and prominent conservative thinker, delivered a passionate plea to Americans to put aside hatred in national life and “love your enemies.”

“Contempt is ripping our country apart,” Mr. Brooks went on. “We’re like a couple on the rocks in this country.” Without mentioning Mr. Trump specifically, Mr. Brooks added: “Ask God to take political contempt from your heart. And sometimes when it’s too hard, ask God to help you fake it.”

 While the rest of the room gave Mr. Brooks a standing ovation, The Don’s response was tepid; and when Brooks was finished he went to the lectern and gave the anti-Jesus response we all expect of him:

 “Arthur, I don’t know if I agree with you, said The Don, “I don’t know if Arthur is going to like what I’m going to say.”

Vengeance, grievance and the need to demean and divide are The Don’s gospel. Even at an event where a plea for civility (even if you have to “fake it”) was prayed for, The Don’s rage and need to retaliate took center stage.

“As everybody knows, my family, our great country and your president have been put through a terrible ordeal by some very dishonest and corrupt people,” Mr. Trump said.

He targeted Mitt Romney, the lone senator with a moral backbone, who cited his faith in announcing his decision to vote for conviction.

“I don’t like people who use their faith as justification for doing what they know is wrong,” clear reference to Ms. 

Then in the spirit of civility he went after Nancy Pelosi.

“Nor do I like people who say, ‘I pray for you,’ when they know that’s not so.”

When Pelosi had her chance to go to the lectern she addressed The Don’s comments:

“I don’t know if the president understands about prayer,” but that she prays “hard for him because he’s so off the track of our Constitution, our values.” 

“He really needs our prayers,” she added, “He can say whatever he wants. But I do pray for him.”

If you weren’t aware that Nancy Pelosi prayed for The Don, you are now.  

As I watched the exchange, I chuckled to myself and had an idea for a new reality TV show called:

I Pray For You, No You Don’t. 

During the first episode, Pelosi and Mitt Romney (the only Republican with a soul!) are sitting on the dais a few seats away from The Don. The camera zooms in on Pelosi as her head looks up. Her lips are moving and it appears she is praying. Let’s imagine what she was saying:

God, I am so sorry I ripped up the president’s speech for all the world to see. I know he is a dishonest, sociopath who wants to bring down the government, but I should have been more magnanimous, showed more love. But God, isn’t it possible to get a few freebies, you know, where you get to trash someone? Sorry God, can I take that back? And God, can you please enlighten me about why you visited the devil on this country?

Anyway God, I am praying that the president becomes more curious about things so he would know Kansas City (Thanks for the entertaining Super Bowl this year!) is in Missouri not Kansas; or not having to ask someone to explain to him what happened at Pearl Harbor; or realizing that Frederick Douglass died a long time ago.

I am praying that the president can show more compassion and not find gratification in locking up children in cages, removing regulations on pesticides and our water systems, trying to get rid of preexisting conditions, devaluing Goldstar families, mimicking disabled people, calling wonderful countries like Nigeria shitholes– sorry God, I didn’t mean to use a bad word, but then again, we get a few freebies, right? After all I didn’t use your name in vain, right?

God, to be honest, allowing this man to lead the free world, is starting to create a mini-crisis in my faith. Just a mini one because I would never forsake you. Mini isn’t so bad, right? There is room for at least one mini, right? 

I mean God damn it, God? Oh no, I did it. I said your name in vain. Please forgive me. It’s just that being in the presence of the devil is getting to me. I am working so hard to stay connected to you in this distressing time but the devil keeps gnawing at me, filling me with nasty feelings and fantasies. Please help me God to have the strength to withstand this before my mini crisis morphs in to a maxi. Please give me the patience and humility to find the humanity in this amoral man. Please God, please help him become human and please God, stop me from strangling him.

And one more thing God, was it some cosmic joke to have this amoral man give the Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh, the devil’s bull horn. A man who has said things like:

Feminism was established so unattractive ugly broads could have access to the mainstream

The N.A.A.C.P.  should have a riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

If any race should not have guilt about slavery, it is Caucasians.

Holocaust. Ninety million Indians? Only four million left. They all have casinos-what’s to complain about?

I guess maybe I haven’t been praying enough? 

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[lunafeather]

judeehopps replied to your post “If anyone else has seen The Last Jedi already and wants to discuss,...”

I’m curious about what you think. What did you think of it? I have mixed feelings...

Overall I enjoyed it a lot, but it did have a lot of issues. I think I liked The Force Awakens a lot more, so I’m glad that JJ Abrams will be directing Episode IX and not Rian Johnson, though obviously Abrams isn’t perfect. This film also continues Star Wars’ penchant for gorgeousness; so many scenes and shots were absolutely breathtaking in their beauty. This might be my favorite film when it comes to that.

Spoilers below the cut! (Also, fair warning! I have a lot of thoughts)

I wasn’t a fan of the limited interactions between our main trio, especially Finn and Rey -- whose relationship literally drives the narrative of this trilogy. Don’t get me wrong, that hug at the end literally made me squeal with joy it was so pure and sweet, but that is seriously all we got and like??? I DO ship Finnrey but I also just enjoy watching their friendship so this was a major downside.

Speaking of ships, I am VERY anti Rose/Finn. I feel like the kiss at the end of the film was incredibly forced and awkward, and came out of nowhere. They have okay chemistry, but I didn’t get a romantic vibe from them at all, so for her to swoop in with this huge romantic gesture and pull out the “I love you” before passing out was very out of place. I feel like they barely know each other, and Rose’s feelings are heavily impacted by her initial view of Finn as this Rebel Hero, and that her jump from awe to fury to love is just a natural progression of her fangirling, and not actual love. Not to mention the fact that Finn literally just froze when she kissed him, it wasn’t reciprocated at all. I hope that they have an adorable “WOW that was awkward” moment in the next film but that they remain friends only.

I really enjoyed Rey’s arc over the film. I think she is more powerful than we realize and I really hope we get to see that power as she trains to be an actual jedi (I’m sure we will). I also really enjoy her parallel’s to Luke in that she is insistent that Kylo can be turned and tries to sway him against her mentor’s wishes, that she is just SO GOOD inside (I, like others, was afraid they may try to tease her switching to the dark side, but I’m glad this film just reiterated how good she is), but I also love that where Luke succeeded, Rey did not. I think it would be very predictable and boring for Rey to “save” Kylo the way Luke “saved” Vader.

Branching off of that, the trailers had a lot of people spouting that whole, “ohhh this is just another copy cat/rehash of Empire, just like TFA was identical to ANH” (which is bullshit anyway, TFA had many homages to ANH but the story was different in a few key ways) crap that I am glad was destroyed immediately. All this chatter about the AT-ATs and the rebels trying to escape a base and Degobah and blah blah blah. None of it was founded, the film was actually VERY different from ESB. Which isn’t necessarily a good thing.... but I digress.

I am a tad miffed that Finn’s force sensitivity wasn’t touched on AT ALL. As far as I’m aware, someone has to be force sensitive to use a lightsaber and Finn used Luke’s at the end of TFA. I hope they touch back on that in Episode IX.

A big thing I am distressed about is the fact that one of the original trio is basically going to be killed off in each film. Han in TFA, now Luke in TLJ, and obviously Leia will need to be killed off in Episode IX... It’s really fucking depressing. Part of me hopes that they will write IX in a way that Leia doesn’t need to die but never appears on screen -- I feel like of the three, she would be the one to survive. It’s possible, narratively, but I doubt they’ll do that. Still.... Also, seeing as Luke became one with the force or whatever, I feel like he will train Rey from beyond, the same way Obiwan often advised him after his death. So maybe we’ll at least have that.

Upon further reflection, I feel like the Casino excursion was very misplaced and unneeded. It was hectic and rushed and urgent, the whole movie was, and I wasn’t a huge fan of that. Star Wars movies ebb and flow with their pace, usually taking place over a moderate amount of time, but obviously this film had a very short time span and I gotta say, I’m not digging it. I prefer the story building, character building pace of the other films.

Humor was out of place a lot of times. The other movies were funny, yes, but the humor in this one was much too....modern? Even in TFA the humor was more classic, in this film it was annoyingly snappy. I really hated the opening scene and its “joke” with Poe pretending he couldn’t hear Hux. Hux should be scary and looming and menacing but that scene just made a fool out of him, and for that to be the OPENING scene is just.... no. Turned me off immediately. Some of the humor was spot on, like Chewie being watched by the family/friends of the bird thing he was trying to eat. THAT was good. Even Rey knocking that giant piece of rock over the cliff and annihilating those aliens’ cart of stuff was good. But most of the other humor was off.

My favorite moment/shot, and I’m sure it’s a lot of people’s, was Holdo hyperspacing into Snoke’s ship. Everything about that was GLORIOUS. The quick burst shots of the lightning blue spikes cracking the ship, the DEAD SILENCE -- no music, no sound effects, nothing -- until the delayed noise of the explosion, I was AWED. The ENTIRE THEATRE gasped and then hushed in the same awed silence as myself. What an amazing idea and execution.

Other favorite shots, Kylo and Luke standing on opposite sides of the screen, waiting to battle -- the colors and composition were beautiful. Crap, there are more but I can’t remember them now.

Mother fucking LEIA ORGANA, using the force to survive being blown into space. SHE DID THAT, Y’ALL. Do you have any idea how powerful she has to be to do that kind of shit??? I seriously thought they were gonna kill her off.

Luke Skywalker being a sassy shit during his astral projection gave me so much life. I love him.

I’ve seen a lot of disparaging comments about Yoda showing up but I actually liked that bit. I think it was one of the times when the humor was on point, and they had to have used a puppet because he looked great.

After a lot of discussion with my ex, we came to the conclusion that Leia must have known Luke wasn’t really there at the old rebel base. Initially I thought it was a vision/wonder twin connection like Kylo and Rey were having (which..... wtf???? Why was that happening? Could it not?) but then everyone else saw him so.... still, I think Leia knew it wasn’t really him. I think that’s why she didn’t touch him/hug him -- because they are VERY huggy twins -- and why she left Han’s dice behind. I think she knew she wouldn’t see him again, which breaks my heart. Because how alone is Leia now? She lost the love of her life, she lost her son, she lost her brother. Ughhhh.

So yeah, this stupid “connection” between Rey and Kylo the film was trying to force on us just.... irked me. I have heard that R*ylos are fangirling over the movie, which boggles my mind because Rey literally hates his guts?? She was disgusted by his naked chest and demanded he clothe himself?? She literally tried to save him because she’s a good person, not because he’s ever done anything to deserve it or because there’s some kind of “love connection” there?? He fucking mind raped her, guys. He almost killed the first person to ever COME BACK FOR HER. (again, why did this movie focus on the Rey/Kylo shit when there is a goldmine with Rey/Finn??????) Oh he’s also a fucking pyscho murderous asshole who killed Rey’s friend and hero in cold blood.

Anyway.

Snoke as a villain: Disappointing. Boring. Anticlimactic. I pity that we didn’t get backstory on him, though I suppose we never got any for the Emperor until the prequels. Still.... Snoke was a very thin and half assed master villain. Shouldn’t there be waaaaaaaaay more lore about the Knights of Ren? Is that going to come into play in Episode IX, seeing as Kylo is now the Supreme Leader? Also, how the fuck am I supposed to take Kylo seriously as the next major villain when he continues to throw temper tantrums and be easily manipulated by outside forces?

On that note, did he choose to spare Leia because of that conflict inside of him, or did Leia force sense him and mind influence him to not shoot?? WE’LL NEVER KNOW.

Second to last point: Not enough Chewie.

Final point: I liked the examination of perspective. Luke’s story of what happened the night Kylo went crazy, Kylo’s story, and finally the truth. How we twist things to feel better/to get what we want. How every story is biased. I thought that was neat.

I lied, one last thing: I am on the fence but leaning towards hating Rey’s parents being “nobodys”. I think it’s an interesting choice but not one that lends anything to the narrative. I think the hype around her parentage was stoked just so they could say, “HAHA she actually isn’t anyone special, you were speculating for nothing!”. Speculating is fun. Bloodlines are fun. Let nerds discuss! A big part of me hopes that Kylo was lying to Rey to make her more upset and thus “more likely” to swing to the dark side. To encourage her fear that she really was abandoned for no reason. BUT it would also be unique to have her be so special despite coming from nothing.

Alright, I’m done. I may think of more but that’s it for now. My rating would probably be like.... 6.5/10. In the top 5 but not the top 4. Enjoyable and beautiful but nothing special and a let down in regards to story and character development.

[sinsiriuslyemo]

A/N: Hello guys, I'm so sorry that my posts are not under a cut, and that I haven't been able to make a translations post. My laptop has a cracked screen and is being fixed. But here is a new episode of Cuba v DR!

EPISODE 9

Eddie grinned as he walked with his friends down the street, it wasn't often that he hung out with them anymore.

“Damn, look at her,” Cleo said with a teasing grin. “Even I could fall for a lady like that.”

Eddie kissed her cheek, he loved that he didn't get scolded for looking at women, Cleo thought it was funny, she even joined in. When his head turned, he caught a flash of dark black hair and red lips. Immediately stopping in his tracks.

“She isn't that good looking,” Cleo teased.

“No, it's not that I…hang on, she's an old friend.”

He gave Cleo a long kiss before moving to the young woman leaning casually at the corner bodega, smoking a cigarette, her eyes had never left him once.

“I thought you left town,” Eddie said, clearing his throat and looking down at his feet.

“I left a lot of things,” Reina said softly. “Some I shouldn't have.”

Eddie bit his lip. “Oh.”

“So that’s your girl now?” she asked, dropping her cigarette and stepping on it to put it out as she gestured to Cleo.

“Yeah, that's my girl,” he said proudly. “She's my girl.”

“She looks like a hippie,” Reina mused softly. The words weren’t necessarily a compliment, but there was no venom behind them to make it an insult.

“She totally is,” he grinned and looked at her. “You look good,” he tried to be nice, but his heart still ached when he thought of her.

She arched a brow, “Thanks,” she replied. “So, Trujillo has half the island now huh?”

“Yup,” he nodded and shrugged. “I'm not involved with that shit,” he said gently.

“Oh...figured he might’ve cut you in after…” She shrugged. “Don’t matter...so...you ever get into that fancy college you always talked about?” she asked, giving him a tiny smile.

“Yeah,” Eddie said with a soft smile, “I did, a scholarship and everything. Listen I gotta go but…” he smiled at her again, he couldn't stop staring. “I've missed talking to you,” he said honestly.

“Yeah, me too,” she replied, smiling a little. “I know a lot of what I said when we were hanging was...mostly bullshit but...some of it was real, ya know? You’re the only guy who never expected anything from me.”

“I never wanted anything but to be with you Reina, I loved you, so much. I didn't care about the gang shit or your status,” Eddie gritted his teeth. “Do you wanna hang out sometime? As friends?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, maybe...you still got my number?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded and turned back to Cleo, walking off without another word.

“See ya around, college boy,” she called out to him, smiling softly.

Cleo smiled back at her, waving as Eddie came back to walk alongside her.

“So, what are we gonna do on our last date?” she asked, linking her arm through his.

“Como que, last date? This isn't goodbye,” he said softly and kissed her cheek. “I was thinking I can take you to the park, then we can get something to eat, and maybe go back to my place and make love?”

“You mean your parents place?” she teased, nudging him gently. “And I know it’s not goodbye, but we won’t see each other everyday like we do now. You’ll be going to school in Boston, I’ll be finishing up my degree here. But I’m so excited for our future.”

“Me too,” he whispered and kissed her. “Me too, mami.”

----

“Fiona, I love you,” you said to her with a smile.

“No.” The baby stared at you and then at Nevada.

“Papi loves you.”

“No.”

“Como que no? Oye, are you our pretty girl?” he asked, smiling down at her.

“No.”

“Yes you are,” you said with a smile. “Can I have a kiss?” You puckered your lips and she looked away, as if you were burdening her by existing.

“I think we have to smother her,” Nevada mused, taking the baby girl from your arms gently and peppering kisses all over her face, Fiona giggled after a moment but as soon as he stopped to smile back at her, the baby’s face went serious again. “Oye, chica, you know laughing and smiling helps you live a longer life,” he said.

“Go.”

“Donde?” he asked her. “Go where, mi vida?”

“Papi, Lily wants to play tea party princess. You play?” Lily asked, coming into the twin’s nursery.

You smiled at Nevada. “I got the babies,” you nodded back to NJ who liked to snuggle up against you. He fussed anytime you set him on the floor. You took Fiona from her father and smiled. “How about some boob, hmm?” You ask the babies with a grin.

NJ gratefully turned his head towards your breast, opening and closing his mouth, trying to latch while Fiona just stared at him. Lily pulled Nevada towards her room just as there was a knock on the front door.

“I got it, mami. Oye, princesa, get the tea ready, and save me a seat, okay?” he called out, moving towards the stairs.

“Wait papi!! You have to put on your crown or you can’t get into the tea party!” Lily exclaimed, running into her room and coming back with a tiara for her father. “You put it on, now!”

“Okay, okay,” he said softly, putting the tiara on his head. “Better?”

“Yeah,” she answered as another knock reminded him that there was a visitor. Moving downstairs, Nevada opened the door to find Agent Harkness staring back at him. She arched a brow at the tiara on his head.

“You have the wrong apartment, mami. Sawyer doesn’t live here,” Nevada mused with a smirk.

“I'm so sorry your majesty,” she curtsied and looked back up at him. “I'm here because I need to speak to your wife.”

“She’s busy right now,” he replied.

“I can wait,” she smirked and crossed her arms. He gave her a once over and stepped aside, turning towards the stairs.

“Dama!” he called out. “Ven aca un momento, por favor!”

“Babe! Carajo! You said you had it covered! I'm being a human milk machine right now.” You moved downstairs, still feeding NJ while Fiona just nuzzled against you. “Can I help you?” You asked her, somewhat impatiently.

Paige showed you her credentials, “Special Agent Harkness, I’m from the FBI and, yes, I hope you can help me,” she answered, smirking softly.

You made a face, “FBI ni un carajo, I have four kids, when do you think I'd have time to commit crimes?”

“Hm, well…if you had, I’d guess it was about two years ago in Las Vegas, Nevada? Ring any bells?” Harkness asked.

You gestured to Nevada with your chin, “I get enough of Nevada at home, you think I wanna go to the state?”

“She gets lots of Nevada at home,” your husband chimed with a smirk, winking at Harkness.

“Are you denying you were even there?” Harkness asked, almost hoping you would. If you were denying being in the state of Nevada that meant you had something to hide, and that something may very well be your father.

“I'm not saying anything until you tell me why you're asking. I'm from The Heights, Agent Harkness, I'm not a strong believer in the FBI or their Federal Bullshit Investigations.”

Paige smirked at you before she held up a photo of Matias, “We’re looking for your father, Matias Barba.” She held up another picture, a still shot of you from the casino footage. “And something tells me you might know where he is, considering you were with him in Las Vegas the same week he and his wife robbed a casino.”

You tensed at the sight of your father. “A vacation, am I under arrest Agent?”

“Not yet,” Paige replied with a smirk. She hadn’t expected to get any real information out of you, her visit was more of tactic to get you shaken up enough to reach out to your father. It appeared to be working. “So you haven’t heard from him?”

“If I'm not under arrest, I'm going to ask you to leave please. You're not welcome here and I don't appreciate you bringing up a man who ruined four years of my life and then abandoned my mother.”

“You do know that aiding and abetting a federal fugitive could land you right back in prison for a very long time,” Paige said softly, smirking deviously. “I understand you missed the first year of your oldest daughter’s life. It’d be a shame to not be able to see your twins grow up--”

“Oye, she already told you she ain’t saying shit,” Nevada intervened, tucking you against his side. “You wasted your time coming here,” he added.

“Agent Harkness,” you said softly. “I assure you, we aren't the bad guys. I know you may never believe me...but we aren't.”

“That’s what all of the bad guys say, Mrs. Ramirez,” Paige replied, her smirk still firmly planted as she pulled out a card for you. “If you feel like talking, you can reach me here.”

You took her card, nodded and waiting for her to leave. “Take the babies,” you pleaded with him, just seeing your father made you feel faint. He didn’t hesitate to take the twins for you, following you to the couch where you fell onto the cushions.

“They don’t have shit, mami,” he assured you. “We would know it already if they did. I’m taking care of it.”

You just closed your eyes as NJ whimpered. “Mamamama,” he reached for you.

“Esta bien, mijo. She’s right here,” Nevada said softly before he looked up at you. “Oye, stay with me, Dama,” he whispered.

Your breathing was shaking as NJ started to whine and scream. “Mama! Mama!” You didn't even hear him. Seeing your father's picture, his eyes...you felt like you could disappear at any second. You didn't feel with Nevada in that moment. You weren't sure where you were.

“Dama!” Nevada said louder. You didn’t answer, and he leaned over, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. When he pulled away it was only so that his forehead could lean against yours. “Stay here,” he said softly.

You puckered your lips to kiss back about five solid seconds after he'd pulled away. Smirking, he closed the space between your mouths again as NJ tugged on your shirt and called out to you.

You seem to come back into your body, taking NJ in your arms and kissed his head, rocking him when you finally looked back up at Nevada. You looked frightened still, eyes a little wild like when you'd first returned from Vegas.

“You’re right here,” Nevada said. “I’m not gonna anything happen to you,” he added.

“Papi, you’re gonna be late for the tea party!!” Lily shouted from her room.

“Esta bien?” he asked you, free hand coming to brush some hair away from your face.

You just nodded, cradling the babies close to you and closing your eyes.

“Mamamama,” NJ whispered cuddling to you. “Mamama.”

“Mama,” Fiona said softly and pressed her nose to your tummy, also seeming to sense how upset you were and cuddling up to you. Nevada smiled a little at the twins, kissing you one more time as Lily stomped downstairs.

“Papi! Tea! Now!” she shouted.

“You okay?” he asked again. “Say something so I know you’re here.”

You blinked hard once but didn't speak, it was the best you could do at the moment, pulling both babies closer. Your husband wasn’t convinced, and he looked over at Lily.

“Princesa, let’s have the party down here, okay? Mami needs us right now,” he said.

“Mama! Don't be una puta!” Lily shouted.

“Oye!”

Immediately you were back, “What the fuck did she just say to me?”

Nevada arched a brow at Lily, “Say you’re sorry, ahora mismo,” he said in a scolding voice.

“You're welcome,” she grinned at you and Nevada.

“Tu quieres pow pow? Or maybe no dessert after dinner, que te parece?” he warned.

She pouted, “sorry mami,” she mumbled and pouted, pointed to Nevada. “Uninvited!”

Nevada’s jaw dropped, brows furrowing over his eyes.

“Oye, where did you learn to be so mean?” he asked with genuine curiosity.

“Tea is for closers!”

Now your jaw dropped and you laughed. Nevada smirked at you, shaking his head as Lily came up and yanked Nevada’s tiara right off his head, breaking it in half.

“Coño, she means business,” he mumbled, chuckling softly.

“We were gonna discuss business but now you can't be Lily's right hand!”

Nevada put a dramatic pout on his face and fake sniffled as he looked at Lily with a puppy dog stare.

“Coño, jefe, lo siento,” he whimpered.

“No sorry.” Lily said seriously. “It too late. No second chances.”

You snort a laugh, “She's more ruthless than you are.”

Fiona seemed to see that you were fine now, pressing a palm against your face and pushing your head back. “Down.”

You smiled at her. “Sassy girls, both of them.” You set her down and tried to set NJ down, but the baby wouldn't let go of you. So you kept him on your hip.

“Lily, who’s your right hand if papi’s not?” Nevada asked, moreso from curiousity. “Is it mami?” he asked, gesturing to you.

“No, mami es no bueno. Ummm abuelo Oscar!” She smiled.

Nevada inhaled sharply, forcing a smirk onto his face as he nodded.

“Princesa, abuelo Oscar está en el cielo con Papa Dios y los angelitos,” he said softly.

She looked up at him and frowned, but nodded, immediately pressing her face into Nevada's pants leg.

“Mi amor,” you said softly, bending down. “We can go to church, and you can talk to god and abuelo Oscar, and we can tell him that you want him to be your right hand. I think he'd be so happy, mi amor.” You kissed her face and picked her up with your free arm. “But you know what? Sometimes, a second chance is the best thing you can do. I think tu papi would be an amazing right hand. Maybe he can stand in for tio Oscar?”

Lily sniffled and nodded, holding out her arms for Nevada to take her. Her father smiled and took her into his embrace, holding her close to him. Planting a kiss against her head, he rubbed gentle circles over her back.

“Tu quieres ir a la iglesia el Domingo a ver abuelo?” he asked softly.

She nodded, hugging Nevada tighter. “Si, por favor,” she whispered before patting Nevada's cheek. “You can be Lily's right hand.”

“Gracias, mi amor. Tu eres mi vida, did you know that? I would do anything for you,” he said, hugging his daughter close to him.

She nodded, “yeah, that's why you gotta kill teddy. Eddie says blood in blood out.”

“Como que Eddie says? Oye...you’re gonna be better than me, me entiendes?” he said softly. “All four of you are.”

“Okay, but you still gotta kill Teddy,” Lily said seriously.

You couldn't help but laugh, biting your lip when your husband shot you a look.

“What? I can't laugh at you doing wetwork for a toddler?” You grinned at Nevada. “She's gonna be better than both of us. But let her have her fun.”

“It’s all fun and games until it’s not anymore,” he mumbled before he looked back to Lily. “Pero, okay, vamos. Let’s take care of Teddy,” he added, setting Lily on her feet and following her upstairs.

-----

Rafael got off the elevator in his apartment building, pulling out his keys and unlocking his front door. Walking inside, he called out to Izzy and Lila.

“I’m coming in! Please make sure you’re decent if you’re not in your room!” Making sure to keep his eyes down at the floor, he walked in and set his briefcase down by the door, taking off his jacket and moving towards his bedroom. He change into comfortable clothes and packed up a suit for the next day, moving to go to his desk to pick up a couple of books he knew he would need to reference for his new cases.

The girls were actually sitting in the living room, Izzy asleep in Lila's lap while Lila read a magazine. She held a finger up to her lips for Rafael to be quiet and winked at him. He smiled at his sister, before meeting eyes with Lila.

“Roxie and I wanna talk to you both when she gets home, okay?” he whispered as he took the books he was looking for off the shelf attached to his desk.

“Sure thing, we'll be here. I'm gonna play her the album and then make my wife dinner.” Her face lit up at the words.

He smiled with her, nodding his head.

“I’m gonna stay at Roxie’s tonight so, you’ll have the place to yourselves,” he replied.

“Thank you,” she whispered softly and nodded, leaning over and kissing Izzy's hair. Rafael nodded back and packed the books into his briefcase before he went into his bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush.

He heard a knock at the door and jogged out into the living room, waving towards Lila, signaling her to stay seated on the couch as he went to the door and peeped through the peephole. There was no one there. He’d seen the protective detail downstairs and knew the Liv would’ve put one by the back entrance as well. Inhaling softly, he opened the door and looked around the hallway. There was no one in sight.

Just as he was about to close the door, his eyes caught sight of something on the floor and he froze. There, sitting in front of his door was a Casey the Talking Robot; the same toy his mother had gotten him for Christmas when he was nine. Only two other people knew he’d had that toy-- Izzy, who was sleeping inside, and his father, who’d found the toy a few weeks after Christmas in his closet when he was looking for things to sell. His mother had paid a heavy price for purchasing him that toy.

Lila waited to hear if Rafael was going to say something. When she heard nothing, she gently moved her wife, going over to Rafael. “What's wrong?”

“Did you guys order one of these as a joke?” he asked softly, still staring at the gift.

“What? Rafael I'm not even sure what that is,” she walked over and looked at it with a frown. “It's kinda weird looking. Is it yours?”

“Casey the Talking Robot,” he mumbled, afraid to even pick it up. “It’s a toy I had as a kid...but mine broke…”

More like his father broke it over his mother’s face. Closing the door without picking it up, he went to where his bottle of scotch was and poured himself a generous glass.

Lila frowned and followed him. “That has...significance to you?” She asked softly as she poured herself a glass a well. Lila was only twenty three but she'd always seemed years older in maturity.

He took a large gulp from the glass he’d poured himself, trying to keep the trembling, frightened nine year old, who was made to sit in the corner to watch his mother suffer, all because he wanted a toy for Christmas, at bay. Shaking his head, he looked down at his free hand and found it clenched into a fist, and he tried to breathe.

“No,” he finally answered. “It’s just a stupid toy.”

“Hey, I'm not judging,” she said softly and sipped her own scotch. “Rafael, I'm hoping you'll see me as a sister...despite the skin difference,” she winked and he snorted softly, smirking as he nodded his head. “If I can help you, I'd like to. Would you like me to throw away the toy?”

“No, I...I can do it,” he answered in a shaky voice, clearing his throat, he took one more gulp from his scotch before moving back to the door. Opening it, he stared down at the toy, taking deep breaths through his nose as he bent and picked it up. Ignoring the flashbacks of his mother’s screams, of him cowering in the corner with tears streaming his face, and the awful cracking sound the plastic and his mother’s cheek bone made when it finally broke, he walked the five feet to the trash shoot and dropped the robot inside.

“Thanks, Lila,” he whispered once he was back in the safety of his home. “Thanks for just...being here with me.”

She stepped to him and gave him a hug, patting him on the back. “You okay?” She asked softly, finishing her own scotch.

“I will be,” he answered, hugging her back just as the door opened and Roxie came through the door. He sighed, smiling at her as Lila pulled away from him. “Hey you, how was the rest of your day?” he asked, walking up and hugging her tightly, tucking his face in the crook of her neck.

She looked him over and smiled. “It went well...what's wrong?” She was very in tune with Rafael lately. Noticing immediately when he seemed off.

He shook his head, kissing her lips, “I’m just happy to see you,” he whispered, feeling himself relax again.

She rubbed his back and nodded, “Shall we go out then?” She said as she tangled her fingers in his hair, smiling and kissing him again. “I need some papi time,” she pouted.

“Mmm that sounds amazing,” he mumbled, kissing her again. “You wanna talk to the girls first about our plans?” he asked.

“Let's do it later,” she whispered and smiled at him, placing something in his hand discreetly. It was her underwear. Looking down at the tiny garment in his palm, he groaned and pocketed the panties.

“Just let me grab my suit for tomorrow,” he replied, moving quickly back into his bedroom and grabbing his suit before he came back. Grabbing his girlfriend’s hand, he yanked her out the door, grabbing his briefcase and calling out his goodbye to Lila on the way out.

[jessicakehoe]

All the Celebrities the Roses Have Name-Dropped on Schitt’s Creek

There are several ways to discern that the Rose family, before they washed up on the shores of Schitt’s Creek, was mega-rich. One, they remind us constantly. Two, their combined wardrobe contains enough luxury designer threads—Wang! Owens! McQueen! Marant!—to fill a massive concept store, or at the very least, “a boutique in Prague that’s only open Sunday nights.” Three, they’re forever dropping breadcrumbs about their former lives, offering us little peeks at the Roses of yore.

By now we know that Johnny and Moira have partied with the Castros (and the Clintons and the Schwarzeneggers), David’s got some not-so-fond memories with Anderson Cooper and Nate Berkus in his past, and Alexis… well, US Weekly once described her as “up for anything,” and so far we know that includes a blind date with Leonardo DiCaprio, a tryst with an unnamed Saudi prince, and a relationship with a Sultan’s nephew that lasted “like, half a regime change.”

Read on for every celebrity encounter the Roses have revealed to us so far.

Season 1

Episode 1 Alexis: “Stavros is flying in to get me, I told you that.” David: “What do you mean Stavros is com… What do you mean? When? When is he doing that?” Alexis: “Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate stops hogging his plane.

”

Alexis: “I actually think this place is kinda cute.” Moira: “Did you say cute? No Alexis, Martha Stewart’s Hampton home is cute.

”

Alexis: “Stavros just texted me. And he ended it, he’s not coming! He said he doesn’t have time to come and get me, because he already RSVP’d to Diddy’s White Party, and doesn’t have time to do both! But I was supposed to be his date to the White Party!

”

Episode 7 David: “Are you sure you wanna be travelling so far out of town with a person you just met?” Alexis: “I went on a blind date to Bali with Leo, so… I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be fine.

”

Ronnie: “You ever killed before?” David: “Have I ever killed before? No. Elton John used to have an annual hunt at his place in Windsor, but that was more about the lunch.”

via GIPHY

Episode 12 Johnny: “You didn’t think your mother would get involved in planning a fundraiser? My God, she had Hillary shaking last year at the Clinton Foundation dinner.”

Episode 13 Johnny: “Hey, that’s a good coat. I outbid Richard Branson for it at the Kaminski Auction.”

via GIPHY

Season 2

Episode 1 Alexis: “Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen’s yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!”

Alexis: “You told me that Diane Sawyer gave you that bag, and that it was fake.” Moira: “I didn’t want you taking it.” Alexis: “Okay, because I have told a lot of people that Diane Sawyer sells fake bags on the down-low.”

Episode 5 David: “Do you like this sweater? Jared Leto gave it to me and I’ve always been on the fence about it.” Alexis: “I don’t know.” David: “What do you mean, you don’t know? You either like it, or you don’t like it.” Alexis: “I mean, I like it ’cause Jared Leto gave it to you, and he was my first kiss, but I don’t know if I like, like it, like it.”

via GIPHY

Episode 6 Moira: “Do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us at that AmFar dinner? ‘You are the life that you accept for yourself.’ Those are Goldie’s words. Or something someone said to her in India. Or perhaps she read it. In any case it has always stayed with me.”

David: “Scent is a really important factor in defining a brand. Alexander Wang once fired my friend over the smell of his cologne. To Alex’s credit, Curve Pour Hommes hasn’t been the look since 1997.”

Ronnie: “Usually these council decisions, they take weeks.” Moira: “Oh I won’t wait for anyone’s decision. I once got Winnie Mandela to RSVP to an Artists Against Eczema benefit within the hour.”

Episode 9 Moira: “I did a series of very tasteful nudes with Richard Avedon in the ’70s.” Stevie: “I see. Um… This is really not in my job description so…” Moira: “Why aren’t they coming up?”

Episode 10 Moira: “Needless to say, that was the last time I played charades with Fran Lebowitz.”

Episode 12 Alexis: “I know that we just met but if Prince Harry trusted me with his life, then I think you can too.”

via GIPHY

Season 3

Episode 6 Moira: “John and I used to attend Eyes Wide Shut parties at the Castros’. Though… I’m guessing your evening’s activities might be somewhat different.”

Alexis: “I can’t go to college, yet. Because I didn’t finish high school.” Ted: “Oh.” Alexis: “I know. It’s so embarrassing, and I never should’ve taken that semester off. But I did meet Beyonce in Mykonos, so it was almost worth it.”

Episode 7 Jocelyn: “So here’s the thing about Marie Antoinette. Even though I love to eat cake, I think I’d be pretty annoyed with her myself. I do see your hand up Alexis, it’s just that you probably haven’t had a chance to catch up.” Alexis: “Okay, it’s just that she never actually said “let them eat cake.”” Jocelyn: “Um well, that depends on who you ask.” Alexis: “Hmm, well, I asked Kirsten Dunst, who played her in the movie. Um, that line was actually written years before Marie Antoinette allegedly said it. And um, Kirsten also told me at the premiere that she was jealous of my bangs.” Jocelyn: “Thank you for that contribution to the discussion, now…” Alexis: “My friends used to call me Marie, and that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole like, is she gonna be a princess thing, um, but it’s also because we were going through this very dark phase where we were just like, partying too hard.”

Alexis: “I stole this dress from Ashlee Simpson. Or like, she stole it from me, and then I stole it back.”

via GIPHY

Season 4

Episode 3 Moira: “I know all about being left in the lurch for a fundraiser. Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform our ventriloquist act for the Everybody Nose benefit for juvenile rhinoplasty, when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion. I had to be both puppet, and puppeteer.”

David: “You didn’t even play Patty, though.” Moira: “You know I did! The night Patricia LuPone ate that pre-show shawarma, and I was asked to step in. I’ve always wanted to reprise the role.”

Episode 5 Moira: “This is not… not how I imagined my resurrection news to break! ‘Impeccably dressed woman wanders out of Podunk motel.’ No, that’s not the headline!” Stevie: “Okay, well I actually own this Podunk motel, and I don’t know what choice you have.” Moira: “Well, we have to think of something. After all my fans have endured? No, I can’t let them see me like this. It would kill Sir Tony Geary.”

Episode 7 Alexis: “I used to text Zac Efron just, like, a question mark whenever I wanted a booty call. 
Poor thing would be, like, buzzing my apartment before I even pressed send.”

via GIPHY

Episode 8 A: “Ted can’t know about this, David. Miguel’s the only other vet in town, and they have this, like, dumb rivalry.” D: “When has that ever stopped you? I remember that summer you dated all three Hanson brothers.”

Episode 11 Moira: “There was that summer that Jimmy Smits stole my heart onstage in a workshop-only production of Officer and a Gentleman. I suppose that might be called emotional embezzlement.”

Christmas Special Patrick: “Are we supposed to be doing anything for this party?” David: “Um, yes, decorations, but even if we could still afford Nate Berkus, I’d burned that bridge in Ibiza.”

Johnny: “You know, in the old days, I stood by your side no matter how you wanted to spend the holidays. Whether it was heading to Miami for Puff Daddy’s Poolside White Party, or that uncomfortable tree trimming at Arnold and Maria’s. How ’bout the night you wore your fur coat to the PETA Christmas Fundraiser?” Moira: “I heard Peter Fundraiser! Bogdanovich loved a mink.”

via GIPHY

Season 5

Episode 1 Patrick: “Why would he agree do this when he’s afraid of heights?” Alexi: “He’s not afraid of heights, he’s afraid of moths and butterflies.” Ted: “And businesswomen in sneakers.” Patrick: “And also heights, something to do with him being broken up with while he was…” Alexis: “Parasailing in the Seychelles! He and Anderson Cooper were stuck up there for like, three hours, until the wind died down!”

Episode 2 Alexis: “I have a toe ring that would look so cute on you!” Twyla: “We’re not allowed to wear open-toed shoes, but um maybe I could take that bracelet?” Alexis: “Yes! Um, I actually got this in a swap with Sienna Miller. And by that I mean it fell off her wrist at a Halloween party, and I kept it.”

Episode 3 Alexis: “Um did I leave a Q-tip in or did you just tell me that you guys are getting an apartment together?” David: “We’re just going to look.” Alexis: “Yeah and Adam Levine and I just went for bubble tea.”

via GIPHY

Episode 6 Moira: “Oh I’m not above a naughty night of debauchery. When Condi Rice and Sharon Stone and I used to make our annual casino sojourn to Ho Chi Minh City… well lets just say toi khong bao gio thua.”

David: “I think it’s important for Patrick to experience other people in order to realize how good he has it with me.” Alexis: “What if he doesn’t come to that realization? Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I’d send them off with someone who, like, wasn’t a threat, like Pippa Middleton or Rihanna.”

Alexis: “This is why you have ground rules, David. Josh Groban has a thick leather-bound binder full of them.”

Moira: “I’m thinking of a particular night in Monaco with Maggie Trudeau and The Rolling Stones.” Jocelyn: “You rocked out with the Stones?” Moira: “All except Charlie but every party has a pooper.”

Episode 7 Ted: “That was fun but maybe we can start telling some stories about someone else who was naked and crying.” Alexis: “Okay fine but I think everyone here has already heard about my Vin Diesel adventure.”

The post All the Celebrities the Roses Have Name-Dropped on <em>Schitt’s Creek</em> appeared first on FASHION Magazine.

All the Celebrities the Roses Have Name-Dropped on Schitt’s Creek published first on https://borboletabags.tumblr.com/

[jessicakehoe]

All the Celebrities the Roses Have Name-Dropped on Schitt’s Creek

There are several ways to discern that the Rose family, before they washed up on the shores of Schitt’s Creek, was mega-rich. One, they remind us constantly. Two, their combined wardrobe contains enough luxury designer threads—Wang! Owens! McQueen! Marant!—to fill a massive concept store, or at the very least, “a boutique in Prague that’s only open Sunday nights.” Three, they’re forever dropping breadcrumbs about their former lives, offering us little peeks at the Roses of yore.

By now we know that Johnny and Moira have partied with the Castros (and the Clintons and the Schwarzeneggers), David’s got some not-so-fond memories with Anderson Cooper and Nate Berkus in his past, and Alexis… well, US Weekly once described her as “up for anything,” and so far we know that includes a blind date with Leonardo DiCaprio, a tryst with an unnamed Saudi prince, and a relationship with a Sultan’s nephew that lasted “like, half a regime change.”

Read on for every celebrity encounter the Roses have revealed to us so far.

Season 1

Episode 1 Alexis: “Stavros is flying in to get me, I told you that.” David: “What do you mean Stavros is com… What do you mean? When? When is he doing that?” Alexis: “Like, whenever stupid Mary-Kate stops hogging his plane.

”

Alexis: “I actually think this place is kinda cute.” Moira: “Did you say cute? No Alexis, Martha Stewart’s Hampton home is cute.

”

Alexis: “Stavros just texted me. And he ended it, he’s not coming! He said he doesn’t have time to come and get me, because he already RSVP’d to Diddy’s White Party, and doesn’t have time to do both! But I was supposed to be his date to the White Party!

”

Episode 7 David: “Are you sure you wanna be travelling so far out of town with a person you just met?” Alexis: “I went on a blind date to Bali with Leo, so… I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be fine.

”

Ronnie: “You ever killed before?” David: “Have I ever killed before? No. Elton John used to have an annual hunt at his place in Windsor, but that was more about the lunch.”

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Episode 12 Johnny: “You didn’t think your mother would get involved in planning a fundraiser? My God, she had Hillary shaking last year at the Clinton Foundation dinner.”

Episode 13 Johnny: “Hey, that’s a good coat. I outbid Richard Branson for it at the Kaminski Auction.”

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Season 2

Episode 1 Alexis: “Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen’s yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!”

Alexis: “You told me that Diane Sawyer gave you that bag, and that it was fake.” Moira: “I didn’t want you taking it.” Alexis: “Okay, because I have told a lot of people that Diane Sawyer sells fake bags on the down-low.”

Episode 5 David: “Do you like this sweater? Jared Leto gave it to me and I’ve always been on the fence about it.” Alexis: “I don’t know.” David: “What do you mean, you don’t know? You either like it, or you don’t like it.” Alexis: “I mean, I like it ’cause Jared Leto gave it to you, and he was my first kiss, but I don’t know if I like, like it, like it.”

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Episode 6 Moira: “Do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us at that AmFar dinner? ‘You are the life that you accept for yourself.’ Those are Goldie’s words. Or something someone said to her in India. Or perhaps she read it. In any case it has always stayed with me.”

David: “Scent is a really important factor in defining a brand. Alexander Wang once fired my friend over the smell of his cologne. To Alex’s credit, Curve Pour Hommes hasn’t been the look since 1997.”

Ronnie: “Usually these council decisions, they take weeks.” Moira: “Oh I won’t wait for anyone’s decision. I once got Winnie Mandela to RSVP to an Artists Against Eczema benefit within the hour.”

Episode 9 Moira: “I did a series of very tasteful nudes with Richard Avedon in the ’70s.” Stevie: “I see. Um… This is really not in my job description so…” Moira: “Why aren’t they coming up?”

Episode 10 Moira: “Needless to say, that was the last time I played charades with Fran Lebowitz.”

Episode 12 Alexis: “I know that we just met but if Prince Harry trusted me with his life, then I think you can too.”

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Season 3

Episode 6 Moira: “John and I used to attend Eyes Wide Shut parties at the Castros’. Though… I’m guessing your evening’s activities might be somewhat different.”

Alexis: “I can’t go to college, yet. Because I didn’t finish high school.” Ted: “Oh.” Alexis: “I know. It’s so embarrassing, and I never should’ve taken that semester off. But I did meet Beyonce in Mykonos, so it was almost worth it.”

Episode 7 Jocelyn: “So here’s the thing about Marie Antoinette. Even though I love to eat cake, I think I’d be pretty annoyed with her myself. I do see your hand up Alexis, it’s just that you probably haven’t had a chance to catch up.” Alexis: “Okay, it’s just that she never actually said “let them eat cake.”” Jocelyn: “Um well, that depends on who you ask.” Alexis: “Hmm, well, I asked Kirsten Dunst, who played her in the movie. Um, that line was actually written years before Marie Antoinette allegedly said it. And um, Kirsten also told me at the premiere that she was jealous of my bangs.” Jocelyn: “Thank you for that contribution to the discussion, now…” Alexis: “My friends used to call me Marie, and that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole like, is she gonna be a princess thing, um, but it’s also because we were going through this very dark phase where we were just like, partying too hard.”

Alexis: “I stole this dress from Ashlee Simpson. Or like, she stole it from me, and then I stole it back.”

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Season 4

Episode 3 Moira: “I know all about being left in the lurch for a fundraiser. Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform our ventriloquist act for the Everybody Nose benefit for juvenile rhinoplasty, when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion. I had to be both puppet, and puppeteer.”

David: “You didn’t even play Patty, though.” Moira: “You know I did! The night Patricia LuPone ate that pre-show shawarma, and I was asked to step in. I’ve always wanted to reprise the role.”

Episode 5 Moira: “This is not… not how I imagined my resurrection news to break! ‘Impeccably dressed woman wanders out of Podunk motel.’ No, that’s not the headline!” Stevie: “Okay, well I actually own this Podunk motel, and I don’t know what choice you have.” Moira: “Well, we have to think of something. After all my fans have endured? No, I can’t let them see me like this. It would kill Sir Tony Geary.”

Episode 7 Alexis: “I used to text Zac Efron just, like, a question mark whenever I wanted a booty call. 
Poor thing would be, like, buzzing my apartment before I even pressed send.”

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Episode 8 A: “Ted can’t know about this, David. Miguel’s the only other vet in town, and they have this, like, dumb rivalry.” D: “When has that ever stopped you? I remember that summer you dated all three Hanson brothers.”

Episode 11 Moira: “There was that summer that Jimmy Smits stole my heart onstage in a workshop-only production of Officer and a Gentleman. I suppose that might be called emotional embezzlement.”

Christmas Special Patrick: “Are we supposed to be doing anything for this party?” David: “Um, yes, decorations, but even if we could still afford Nate Berkus, I’d burned that bridge in Ibiza.”

Johnny: “You know, in the old days, I stood by your side no matter how you wanted to spend the holidays. Whether it was heading to Miami for Puff Daddy’s Poolside White Party, or that uncomfortable tree trimming at Arnold and Maria’s. How ’bout the night you wore your fur coat to the PETA Christmas Fundraiser?” Moira: “I heard Peter Fundraiser! Bogdanovich loved a mink.”

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Season 5

Episode 1 Patrick: “Why would he agree do this when he’s afraid of heights?” Alexi: “He’s not afraid of heights, he’s afraid of moths and butterflies.” Ted: “And businesswomen in sneakers.” Patrick: “And also heights, something to do with him being broken up with while he was…” Alexis: “Parasailing in the Seychelles! He and Anderson Cooper were stuck up there for like, three hours, until the wind died down!”

Episode 2 Alexis: “I have a toe ring that would look so cute on you!” Twyla: “We’re not allowed to wear open-toed shoes, but um maybe I could take that bracelet?” Alexis: “Yes! Um, I actually got this in a swap with Sienna Miller. And by that I mean it fell off her wrist at a Halloween party, and I kept it.”

Episode 3 Alexis: “Um did I leave a Q-tip in or did you just tell me that you guys are getting an apartment together?” David: “We’re just going to look.” Alexis: “Yeah and Adam Levine and I just went for bubble tea.”

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Episode 6 Moira: “Oh I’m not above a naughty night of debauchery. When Condi Rice and Sharon Stone and I used to make our annual casino sojourn to Ho Chi Minh City… well lets just say toi khong bao gio thua.”

David: “I think it’s important for Patrick to experience other people in order to realize how good he has it with me.” Alexis: “What if he doesn’t come to that realization? Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I’d send them off with someone who, like, wasn’t a threat, like Pippa Middleton or Rihanna.”

Alexis: “This is why you have ground rules, David. Josh Groban has a thick leather-bound binder full of them.”

Moira: “I’m thinking of a particular night in Monaco with Maggie Trudeau and The Rolling Stones.” Jocelyn: “You rocked out with the Stones?” Moira: “All except Charlie but every party has a pooper.”

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