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adhdtsukasa · 5 months ago

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tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.

please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.

also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.

anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!

1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR

i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!

in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.

these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.

FORGETFULNESS

i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.

EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT

while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.

in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.

oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)

he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.

LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER

this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.

does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.

update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.

DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET

while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)

tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.

and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)

if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.

IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER

again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.

it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.

another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.

INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS

if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.

other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.

so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.

from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.

however, there is obviously one more thing...

HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST

obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.

is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.

i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.

2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).

of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.

won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)

THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).

other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.

TONDEMO-WONDERZ

since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.

from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.

88 SHOOTING STARS

another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.

aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.

you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.

tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.

MR SHOWTIME

mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff

there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.

also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.

from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.

i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.

oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.

to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.

i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.

3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

listen, i know how it sounds.

i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.

for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...

he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.

and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.

(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)

and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.

nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.

tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?

if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?

and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.

however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.

aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!

is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.

feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao

...i hate ending analyses.

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aloesarchives · 5 months ago

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Father's Day Special(JJK Oneshot)

Tags/Warning: AFAB/Female Reader, Family life, Domesticity, Fluff, Unhinged Crack(Especially near the End), Mention of Balls but not Smut(I promise), JJK OC(but not main X Reader)

Word Count: 5.5k words

Pairing: Toji x Fem!Reader

Reader Pronouns/Usage: (She/Her), Mama, Mom, Doll, Baby

So I know I'm three days late for Father's Day but I couldn't help but write this out. It's been busy and absolute hell with getting ready for Uni. But by July, things will slow down and I can focus more on getting shit down and stop procrastinating. I hella miss writing, I needa get back into the grove of it.

Also, forgot to mention, this fic was based on a true event. Dramatization was an all time high but loosely based on an interaction I had with my own mom lol

“What do you think Dad wants, Megumi?”

“Honestly, I have no clue. I thought Mom was hard but it’s actually Dad.”

“Why do you think so?”

“Because he never buys anything new. Even if he does, it’s either meant for the house or us. Dad still wears the same black t-shirt since we were kids. He doesn’t have expensive taste either. No cologne, no wrist watch, no shoes, nothing.”

Tsumiki and Megumi feel more empathetic to Toji than either right now. Father’s Day is tomorrow and the two are out trying to get their dad a gift. But just like Toji, they feel stuck on what to get him. With you, their mother, it’s more subtle and personalized. Tailored to your taste and personality, seems hard at first but gets easier once getting the smaller details. Is it more on the pricier side? Yes, but you are their mother and do so much for them that you deserve anything and everything good to come your way.

But Toji, he’s a different story.

Growing up, the two saw how laidback their dad was. No putting much effort into keeping appearance or staying with the latest trends. They learned early on that Toji only dresses decently, or at least looks presentable, because of you. Outfit coordination was all on you, you always picked out Toji’s outfit or had the final say on what he’s wearing. Obviously over time, he’s learned the art of dressing himself up but he always asks you for the final say.

Anyhow, clothes are out because Megumi and Tsumiki know Toji wears them until they are rags. He still wears the same basketball shorts around the house since they were babies.

They’re teenagers in high school now.

Toji’s old shirts and shorts just get converted to loungewear and home clothes. Some of them have holes but Toji seems to care less about them. Toji also has no expensive taste or an interest in creating one. He believes you pay for the quality but that’s on certain things like a wrench or drill. He never understood the whole throwing your money to look high class. Pointing out that things can stick out like a nail and look out of place. He grew up in a family with money, he knows.

Then Toji literally has everything he needs. That’s what the kids always hear.

“I have (Y/N), my kids, a nice house with space to work, food, and my equipment. The hell I need anything else when it’s all right ‘ere.”

People’s dreams and aspirations are different. Having a family is a common one many have. But Megumi and Tsumiki could clearly see the fond and tender nature their dad somehow exhibits, and it’s only exclusive to the family. They didn’t think much of it until they asked you. Upon explaining Toji's life up until meeting you, Tsumiki and Megumi finally let it sit why their dad acts the way he does.

“Your Papa…didn’t expect to have this type of life—To have a home, a wife and kids. He’d never imagine himself to get this because he didn’t think it'd happen to him, especially how he grew up. But it did and he never took it for granted since. Your Papa has treated me beyond the means of well over the years, it’s only fair I do the same for him. I’m not forcing you two to follow suit. But at the very least, try to understand your Dad and his circumstances. That’s all I ask of you two.”

With that, no wonder they’ve never met anyone from Toji’s side besides Maki and Mai. That and an explanation to your fierce protectiveness towards Toji at the mention of his “family”. So here Megumi and Tsumiki are, along with their litter sister Mayumi, concocting an idea on what to get Toji. They were going to call you but ditched the idea to not inconvenience you as you were busy yourself. Currently in Shibuya walking in one of the shopping districts, they searched high and low for anything that would make a decent Father’s Day gift.

Tsumiki threw up some ideas but Megumi shot them down because it’s not practical for their Dad.

“Megumi, at this point, we can’t get Papa anything! What do you have in mind that Papa will actually use?”

Megumi thought for a second before shrugging his shoulders.

“I’ve got nothing, Tsumiki. I’m drawing a blank here.”

Tsumiki sighs before looking around again. Meanwhile, Mayumi’s curiosity was becoming impulsive. She wanted to look at anything and everything as long as her pretty little eyes laid on it. Holding onto Megumi’s hand, she tries to keep pace with her older siblings in the busy street. However, after walking for a few minutes, Mayumi came to a stop as she stared at one of the stores. Feeling his arm be pulled back, Megumi looks down to see Mayumi staring off.

“Mayumi, what are you looking at?”

Tsumiki also stopped when she noticed her two younger siblings weren’t behind her. Crouching down, she wanted to see what had caught her baby sister’s attention.

“Is there something you want to look at, Mayumi-chan?”

Mayumi looks at Tsumiki before nodding and pointing to the store that has captured her attention. Megumi and Tsumiki look to see that the store that has captured her attention was Uniqlo. Surprisingly enough, this was a clothing store that mostly made up Megumi AND Toji’s wardrobes. Tugging Megumi along, Mayumi walks into the store with a mission. The two look at each other with curiosity, wondering what their little sister was so dead set on finding. They watched as Mayumi’s eyes scanned the racks and shelves, head darting up, down, left, and right. Megumi makes a decision to let go of her hand to see what she’ll do. Upon feeling her hand’s release, Mayumi speed walks away to the Men’s side. Megumi and Tsumiki made haste to not lose sight of her. Now it’s their turn in trying to keep up with her as she continuously searches for what she’s looking for.

Megumi starts to panic when Mayumi seemingly vanishes before him. He swore he only took his eyes off of her for a split second, and now she’s gone. He was close to going into search party mode when he spotted Mayumi standing before one of the shelving displays. Letting himself breath again, he walks over to where she was before picking her up.

“Mayumi, you can’t run off like that! You know you’ll get lost and separated from Tsumiki and I. You have to make sure you can see us close behind before going on your own.” Megumi lightly chastised her. Though, he never could get mad at her no matter what she did.

Mayumi pouts slightly at Megumi, understanding what she did was dangerous.

“Sorry, Gumi-Nii. Didn’t mean to do it to you and Miki-Nee…But! I found Papa’s Father’s Day gift!” Mayumi excitedly exclaims, pointing to the rack.

Megumi looks to see what she means and by then Tsumiki caught up to the two. Tsumiki also follows to see what the two were staring at. The section she was pointing at was the Men’s section for underwear and socks. Tsumiki chuckles while Megumi becomes both confused and a little embarrassed. Mayumi squirms in Megumi’s arms, signaling him to let her down. Once safely on the ground, Mayumi grabs a packet and holds it up to her siblings.

“Mayumi-chan, why do you think this can be a gift for Papa? You think Papa would need this?” Tsumiki gently asks her, hoping to understand what she meant.

Mayumi nods quickly, continuing to hold up the boxer packet.

“Yes! Because Papa needs new ones!”

Tsumiki and Megumi looked at each other surprised before Tsumiki looked back at Mayumi.

“How do you know, Mayumi-chan?”

“Mama said it when she was folding the clothes after drying them! This was when Papa was out with Uncle Shui! She said why does Papa keep wearing his underwear even though they have holes in them. I saw what she was talking about because Papa does have holes in his underwear! So, why not get Papa new underwear?”

Tsumiki found this amusing and a bit funny at Mayumi’s enthusiasm. Meanwhile, Megumi had a furious blush painted across his face. He didn’t expect their shopping trip to go this way. Let alone, the deciding gift was the most plain and not so well-thought out of. Though Megumi felt his embarrassment burn his entire being, he’s not complaining about the gift choice. He knew it was a practical gift for their dad, especially knowing Toji’s track record when it came to clothing.

As strange as it is to admit, Megumi couldn’t deny that a go-to gift to give to any guy is a pack of brand new underwear paired with a fresh pack of socks. He knew there’s nothing you could do wrong with that combination. He even witnessed it firsthand when Yuuji was way too excited when he got a box filled with pairs of socks and boxer briefs for his birthday. And knowing how lax Toji is, Toji probably would like this more than anything. So Megumi stays quiet and lets the girls handle it.

“I think that’s a great idea, Mayumi-chan. We should get some of these for Papa so he doesn’t have to keep wearing his old ones.”

“But I don’t know Papa’s size…Maybe Mama knows! We should call Mama, Miki-Nee!”

Tsumiki nods while pulling out her phone, hitting your contact. The phone buzzed once before your voice was heard on the phone. Mayumi decides to talk on everyone’s behalf and ask for Toji’s underwear size. After a bit, Mayumi hands the phone back to Tsumiki and the two of you talk. Once hanging up, it was settled.

“Gumi-Nee, Mama said Papa only wears black and dark blue boxers! And also said Papa is a size large!”

Since he didn’t want his sisters to look awkward, Megumi took it upon himself to take the three packs of boxers and one pack of socks to check out. The socks were a last minute decision but again, practical for someone like Toji. After Tsumiki gave her half of the total to Megumi, he bought them and left with his sisters. After getting home, Megumi decided it would be best if he kept the gift in his room to not raise any suspicions if Toji had any.

“So, did you three buy your Dad his gift?”

Mayumi runs up to you and fervently nods while pointing at the Uniqlo bag Megumi’s holding. Megumi gives you the receipt for tax purposes and so Toji doesn’t see the price for it as he’ll definitely take it. You grinned while looking at the receipt, something Megumi and Tsumiki believe would be akin to playful or mischievous.

“Nice job, you three. Now, go change and clean up a bit for dinner. Your dad will be home soon.”

Speak of the devil, not even five minutes later, the front door is opened and a gruff “I’m home!” can be heard. Toji was already home. Hearing his voice, Mayumi dashed to where he was and was immediately picked up by him. His iconic DILF chuckle and the giggles of your youngest child can be heard getting closer to the kitchen. Something you never get tired of hearing and hope to hear more of every time.

“Glad to hear you had a good day, Princess. Now go with your sister to change and freshen up.”

Mayumi nods before being put down, dashing towards Tsumiki who then holds her hand as she takes her upstairs.

You were finishing cleaning up the dirty dishes when you felt a warm presence on your back.

“How are you doing, Doll? Looks like you got dinner all figured out, didn’t I tell you my food prep made things easier?”

You playfully rolled your eyes at the feeling of your husband wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder. Toji wants to be all over you no matter the hour.

“Yeah yeah, don’t let that ego get higher than it already is…But thank you though, Hon. It cuts down cooking time by a lot. I appreciate it.” You tenderly answered before giving him a simple kiss on the cheek.

Wearing a victor’s smile, Toji pulls away. Crossing his arms with his chest all puffed out as his pride builds up.

“If that’s all that takes for some of your kisses, I’ll keep on doing it. Only for you, Doll. Glad it makes things easier for ya.”

Even though it said because of his pride, there was an undeniable softness on his features many would believe was impossible for him to make. But here he was, doing exactly that like it was any normal day at the Fushiguro household. The fondness he exhibits to you is both a blessing and a honor because you knew you were a part of the few people that bring it out of him.

Smiling back, you mirrored your loving softness on your face as well.

“It does, Toji. Now, go change and shower. I don’t know what Shui and you did today but you smell like outside. I don’t want that in our bed so go upstairs and shower, Hon.”

Toji smirks but nods at your command. Taking himself upstairs to wash away the smell. Dinner goes on as normal. Silent but pleasant as it lets everyone decompress from the day. Toji does the dishes since you cooked dinner and the kiddos clean up the kitchen table. Everyone retires into the night without issue and Toji has his arms wrapped around you as you sleep on top of him.

It was 7:30 A.M. when you heard voices coming from downstairs and the slight clanging of metal. You groggily blinked the sleep from your eyes while feeling the sun brightening up your room. Hearing Toji’s faint and calm breathing, you knew he wasn’t waking up anytime soon. After successfully slipping away from Toji’s grasp, you were able to change into your home clothes before going downstairs. Upon reaching the kitchen, the sight before you was a pleasant surprise.

There was Tsumiki and Megumi, wearing aprons, and using the kitchen while Mayumi was drinking her juice from her sippy cup. Albeit very sleepy but that changes when she hears footsteps and sees you walking in with a warm smile on your face.

“Mama! Gumi-Nii and Miki-Nee are making Papa breakfast! I’m here for moral support!” She excitedly whispers to you as you hold her up.

You look over to see your two eldest working away prepping their Father’s Day breakfast. You hum while inspecting their handy work, peering over their shoulder to see.

“It smells good, you two. Though, I’m surprised you’re able to get up at this time, Megumi. Normally, you would sleep in until another two hours or so.”

He doesn’t take his eyes off the rice balls he’s making, but his tone is less irritated and tense compared to most mornings.

“Well, I feel bad for letting Tsumiki do all the work in cooking. So I woke up earlier than normal to help out. Plus, Mayumi woke me up and asked me to help Tsumiki make breakfast because she couldn’t.”

Mayumi’s soft giggles were paired with your own. Softly patting his hair, you offer Megumi a grateful smile.

“I’m happy to know you helped out, Dear. Good to back up your sisters.”

You pat Tsumiki's shoulder comfortingly to not let her lose focus on her cooking.

“Call for me if you two need any help.”

The two nod before you make your way upstairs with Mayumi, making your way to your shared bedroom where your husband is sleeping. Mayumi writhes and squirms in your hold, begging to be let down to wake up her Papa. As soon as her feet touch the ground, she quietly and firmly opens the bedroom door. B-lining towards the bed with you following suit. She climbs up onto the bed and crawls to where Toji was sleeping peacefully. Your youngest stares for a few moments at her Papa before gently pounding his chest.

“Papa…Papa…Wake up!”

After a few tries, Toji stirs a bit before blinking slowly. Toji motions his head to face the culprit that woke him up from his restful sleep. Seeing Toji waking up, Mayumi beams down at him along with you softly smiling at the side of the bed.

“G’morning, Papa! Happy Papa Day!”

“Morning to you too, Little Lady~.”

He takes Mayumi in his arms while steadily sitting up. Her sweet sequels and giggles echo throughout the bedroom as Toji kisses all over her face and tickles her sides. Grinning down at his youngest daughter, he carries it when his eyes meet yours.

“Morning, Beautiful~.”

The morning rasp and gruffness in his voice made you want to scream at the sky while death-gripping the ground below. You desperately thanked any and all divine pantheons for blessing you with such a man. But alas, you couldn’t allow yourself to fold so easily. Especially in front of Toji, knowing you’ll never see the end of his teasing and salacious, but consensual, advances. You just light-heartedly roll your eyes while shaking your head, but your smile never ceases.

“Good Morning to you too, Handsome~. Happy Father’s Day. Breakfast is ready downstairs.”

Toji temporarily sets down Mayumi as you pass him a shirt to wear since he was wearing his gray sweat shorts. He picks up Mayumi again before making his way out and into the kitchen to satiate his morning hunger. Just like you, he reacted with surprise seeing a fully set table before him. But this is Toji we’re talking about. So the most we’ll get out of his reaction is his eyes which went wide.

He was about to ask if you made all the food as you passed by but you tilt your head to the side and he sees Megumi and Tsumiki cleaning up the kitchen.

“They helped you with making breakfast, Doll?”

You shake your head while taking Mayumi in your arms to place her in her chair.

“I didn’t even touch the kitchen this morning. They were in here this whole time.”

Sitting down, it finally clicked with Toji. He just grinned as he took his usual seat at the edge of the table. Once everyone was seated and began eating, so did he. Toji never thought of himself as the sentimental type. But he couldn’t help himself in allowing this particular feeling to wash over him. If he went back in time to tell his younger-self that he’d become a husband and a father of three kids, he most certainly knew his past-self would scoff and think he’s a liar. Toji won’t lie because he has a hard time believing it himself sometimes. Even after almost two decades of being married to you and 15 years of being a father, he’s in awe of how his life ended up to the present day.

Sneaking glance as he eats, he sees his two oldest kids having their usual sibling conversation. 16 and 15 years old, first and second years in high school. It would only be a few years until they would graduate high school.

‘Geez, they’ll be legal adults in less than five years…Fucking shit, man…’

Toji then sneaks glances at you, which he sometimes catches your gaze as well. There was a certain feeling of your smile every time you sent it his way. But it was not until he reminded himself that your particular smile you always gave him was of contentment. But not in a sense of bare minimum, no. Toji knew it came from utter satisfaction and gratification in this domestic life you two shared.

No, the life you two created together for each other.

Watching you interact with your children just fills him with life’s satisfaction. He thought it was impossible for someone like him to experience something like this. But here he is, sitting down eating breakfast with his family in their home on a Sunday morning. Damn, he didn’t blame you for giving him that smile because he gets it.

After eating and cleaning up the table, Megumi said he forgot something in his room and went upstairs to get it. Meanwhile, Toji was reading the morning paper while simultaneously listening to the news that was live on the tv. Mayumi was chilling in Toji’s lap with her Cinnamoroll plushie because she had nothing better to do. Meanwhile, you were teaching Tsumiki how to use the coffee machine and the set up for Toji’s usual.

Once Megumi came back with the familiar Uniqlo bag, everyone shifted their attention to Toji and gathered around him. He looked confused by the sudden change in behavior. Placing his paper down, he suspiciously eyes everyone.

“Okay, something’s up. Did I do something I don't know about?”

You shake your head at him, making it clear he wasn’t in trouble. Mayumi jumps off Toji’s lap, pattering over to Megumi who hands over the bag. She races back to her papa with an eager smile on her face, holding the bag up to him.

“Oh, what’s this, Princess?”

“It’s from Me, Gumi-Nii, and Miki-Nee! We got you a present for Papa Day!”

Feeling both astounded and touched, he takes the bag from her before ruffling her hair. Mayumi lets out a little squeal before running towards Tsumiki who picks her up. The bag was small, specifically eight inches by six inches. But what’s inside filled the bag up to its capacity so Toji was intrigued to see what his kiddos got him. He shakes the bag for good measure, causing Megumi to become impatient.

“Dad, just open it up. I promise you we didn’t put a spider or a cockroach in there. This is your real gift from us.”

The man chuckles out loud, shooting a grin his son’s way which made his impatient grow.

“Alright alright, I hear you, Megs. I was seeing if I could guess what you bought for me. Nothing wrong with checking things out. Reel yourself in kid.”

Megumi groans out causing his sisters and you to giggle at this usual interaction. Eventually, Toji opens the gift and reaches inside. His eyebrows furrowed and pushed themselves together, trying to figure out what he was touching. Suddenly, his brows released themselves from being tensed as he pulled out the three packs of boxers and one pack of socks. It was silent, a little too silent. For a second, Megumi and Tsumiki held their breaths while you anticipated his reaction.

Then, out of nowhere, a hearty laughter filled the kitchen as Toji held them in his hand. Amusement was all he felt looking at the packs in front of him. He let out a content huff, holding up one of the boxer packs.

“Wow, this is how you give gifts. You guys are just like your mama, you all have gifting skills people dream of.”

“Wait, you actually like it, Papa?”

Toji let a bemused look pass over him before it went back to amuse.

“Oh yeah, I sure as hell love it. I keep forgetting to buy some and your mother has been on me for God knows how long about getting new ones. You rascals killed two birds with one stone for me. And socks too? Now that’s being generous to your old man.”

The two were finally able to breathe since they second guessed themselves.

“Happy Father’s Day, Papa!”

“Happy Father’s Day, Dad.”

Toji gets up to give Megumi and Tsumiki his love squeezes. Tsumiki giggled while Megumi begrudgingly accepted his dad’s affection. Though, he doesn’t resist or push away when his dad hugs him.

As this was happening, you wore a grin that stretched wide with eyes that shone with mischief. Toji catches your expression, fully knowing something is brewing inside.

“Babe, you’re making that face. Spill it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Hon~.”

Oh, there’s definitely something now and Toji’s gonna get it out of you.

“Don’t be so coy, (Y/N). You got that grin plastered on your face and eyeing me like that, you got something to say. I see those little gears in your pretty head of yours moving.”

You were trying to hold in your laughter. Key word was try though. The moment you made your thoughts be known will cause endless oxygen-depriving laughter from you. But you needed to say it in full. No stutters, no mistakes, no slang, dead set on getting those words out. You can’t fumble yourself right now.

“I’m just saying, I have been telling you to get new ones for years! Some of your underwear have holes in them! You have to get new ones every five to seven years, Hon!”

He playfully scoffs.

“Doll, just because they’re old doesn’t mean I need to throw them away after a few years. If they can still do their job in covering up my junk, I don’t see why I need to get new ones. I only needed to know one because of you.”

Sighing exasperatedly, you still held your grin and waited for the right moment to strike.

“Hon, you don’t understand. I’m not saying you need to buy new ones after a while! I’m saying some, as in most, of your underwear are worn down to the bone! You have to put them down, Toji!”

“Babe, again, if it still works, it still works. Yeah, some of my underwear have holes in them but they’re still wearable. Not my fault they have holes in them! Plus, I never wear tight-fitted pants, so I don’t get how my underwear chafes when I wear joggers, sweats, and cargo pants!”

Bingo, everything is in position and there’s a clear pathway. You can’t mess this up when you have a clear shot. Crossing your arms still grinning, you stare down your husband.

“Oh but it is, Toji! The reason why you got holes in your underwear is because your balls are rough! If they weren’t, I wouldn’t be breathing down your neck about them. Don’t you even notice when you fold the laundry?”

For a few moments, the silence fell over the Fushiguro house. Toji was bewildered, taken aback by what you said. You were one to never be crass in front of the kids or in general. Thus, this was the closest thing to you being vulgar.

For the teens, they stood still and frozen in place. However, for different reasons. For Tsumiki, she was stunned. Heavily skilled in the art of not being or feeling awkward. She’s not bothered or offended by your words. Rather, she didn't expect you to say something like that when they’re around. She knew it was bound to happen, just not with this conversation and those words. For Megumi, he was straight up flabbergasted. Never in a million years would he hear something like come out of you. Given, you’re known to have sufficient self-control when it comes to speaking in such a manner. Reserving that language for anyone 18 and over, and their dad. Right now, he’s growing frustrated because now he knows what people mean with you and Toji’s marriage has top tier chemistry. Megumi slowly realizes that both his parents are rat bastards and of equal humor. Noting that you were better at keeping it under wraps while his dad bore no filter at all. Meanwhile, Mayumi was just existing and cuddling her plushie. Becoming oblivious to the whole matter as her toddler brain couldn’t comprehend the words being used. But it was a good thing, much to both Megumi and Tsumiki relief.

“Did Mom just—?”

“Say what I think she said…?”

With their minds broken, the two were trying to process what just happened. You said it, made it be known. Something that probably should be said when they’re not present or only with their dad. Thinking about how you said them too: saying them with your chest, locked-in, hyper-focused, 10 toes down on the ground, no stuttering whatsoever. It looked like you were thinking about this for a long time and needed to get it off your chest.

To which you did, and successfully as well.

Just when the teens thought they were in the clear, they were thrown another curb ball. This time, it was from Toji.

“Doll, why are you complaining about them now? You never did beforehand, how do you think I gave you Tsumiki, Megumi, and Mayumi? You took them and everything else. I’m not letting you throw me under the bus like this.”

Silence came back as soon as it left. If the two thought your words were absurd, their dad’s beat it and took your place with his own. Now Megumi’s petrified because he didn’t know what else would come out of either his mom or dad’s mouth. Fearing the embarrassment and possible vulgarity to over take what the two of you said prior. He didn’t want to hear nor wanted to know anymore. Just when he was about to drag his sisters away to leave you and Toji to your own devices, he sensed something that made him stay.

All at once, the silence was broken by you and Toji bursting out in laughter. You were holding onto his shoulders, gasping for more air to put in body but it was futile as you continued laughing even harder. Toji has his arms crossed but his sturdy broad frame shakes as he can’t restrain his uncontrollable laughter. The kids watch on, once again thinking this was finally done.

But the next thing they knew, they felt a gust of air pass by them followed with another. In a turn of events, you were being chased by Toji throughout the Fushiguro Estate. Yet, your laughter and squeals that were accompanied by your husband’s playful threats made it known this was all fun and games for you.

It went on like this for several minutes. Your two teens would’ve cringed but let it pass over when they noticed Toji carrying you over his shoulder from the house towards the large Saucer Magnolia tree in the garden. Plopping himself on the grass with you in his lap, arms wrapped securely around your waist.

“Now, Doll, where’s your present for me? I don’t see it.” Toji says, feigning hurt as he whines fakingly.

You roll your eyes at his performance. Though, instead of a grin, a smile was all that was left. Highlighting the blissful expression you wore.

“I know you, Toji. You just want me to baby and give you all my attention.” You huffed lightly.

“Yeah yeah, but you’re still gonna give it to me. You won’t deny me, Baby.”

Shaking your head, you let yourself be at your husband’s mercy. Indulging himself in your warmth in presence. It was a peaceful moment until you heard a little giggling coming closer. Both of you look up to see Mayumi running this way followed by Megumi and Tsumiki who held a blanket to be laid on.

Toji unravels one arm to catch his youngest and sits her on his free thigh across from you. You never noticed until now how beautiful and relaxed Toji is. While he was known for his laid back personality, you knew it’s from not wasting his energy on matters that don’t concern him. The reality was, Toji used to be tense and rigid. Forcing to stay on guard whilst putting on that lax facade. It wasn’t until he met and married you was when his stiffness and strained body began to disappear from his body. He was relaxing, loosening himself up because of you.

Although your shared life with him wasn’t easy and had its share of hardships, you felt honored Toji allowed himself to rest and find comfort in you. To see him finally have a sense of peacefulness after knowing what he’s been through, you only wish to love, care. and protect him for as long as you’re on this plane of existence.

Seeing how much contentment he has in interacting with his children and you, he was undeniably beautiful and sublime both physically and mentally. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you immerse in the loving family atmosphere you’re grateful to be a part of. Mayumi rambling and talking Toji’s ear off while your husband entertains her. Meanwhile, you watch your two older children talk and spill the gossip in their school lives to each other.

You wallowed in this domestic bliss, savoring it as there will be nothing else like it. You’re not the only one as Toji joins in basking in this domestic bliss as well. He would never say this out loud, but he didn’t think he’d live this long. He thought he’d died young due to his reckless and careless behavior, getting himself into deep shit that would ultimately be his grave. The voice in his mind reminds him that this may be a one time thing, that he’ll never get this in the next life. But he pushes that thought away to deal with it later. For now, he’ll be present here with you as you both happily entertain your little Mayumi and her current interest.

As for Megumi and Tsumiki, they can rest easy knowing they won’t have to hear you or Toji saying those appalling words again anytime soon.

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thechaoticdruid · 10 months ago

Text

[We'll Protect Each Other]

Paring: F!Tav x Astarion

Plot: While staying at an inn in the Underdark an unfortunate chain of events forces Tav and Astarion to protect one another.

Content Warnings: Fiercely protective Tav, Tav uses She/Her pronouns, Tav is kinda feral and unhinged, blood, gore, threats of/ literal genital trauma, we are going game of thrones up in this bitch, sexual harassment, brief allusions to Astarion's trauma, violence, so much fucking violence, death, Tav is heavily based on my own Tav Winnie. Oh and a little fluff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tav hummed as she sat at the tavern table, glancing down upon the suspicious letter she'd received last night.

‘I'll see you soon, True Soul.’

Been a while since she was called that, almost everyone who had referred to her as a ‘true soul’ was dead now so being addressed as such was rather peculiar, but at the same time not completely unwelcome. Tav smirked slightly, the idea of a new foe to face sparked excitement. It had been so long since the human druid had a good fight. Since the defeat of the Elder Brain she'd been staying in the Underdark, looking after a horde of hungry vampire spawn. Her days weren't uneventful in the slightest, but gods did she miss adventuring.

Tav's lover was over at the bar getting the two something to drink. Since the Underdark has become home to seven thousand life-challenged individuals this particular inn had made preparations to feed them should any appear at the establishment. He tapped his claws on the table, waiting for the bartender to finish mixing up their beverages as an uneasy feeling coursed through his body. Astarion had felt unfamiliar eyes on him since he'd left to get him and his beloved some refreshments. His blood red eyes darted back and scanned the tavern. Tav was still waiting at their table and mostly all the other patrons there happened to be deep gnomes, all who seemed much more concerned with friendly banter. But then he spotted someone off in the corner. A tall half-orc whose eyes seemed trained on him. Astarion wasn't exactly sure how he didn't spot the big oaf sooner, usually he was far more perceptive than this, but perhaps his hunger had him quite distracted. The elven vampire tapped on the bar table impatiently wondering exactly what was taking the bartender so long.

Eventually the half-drow barmaid brought over the drinks.

“Sorry for the wait.” She said softly, “not used to preparing food for our night time visitors.” The half-elf handed him a cold mug of dessert wine and a warm mug of ethically precured lifeblood.

Astarion took the drinks before turning and making his way back. The half-orc then made his move, walking straight towards him.

“Have a drink with me, handsome?” The half-orc gave a flirtatious smile, making the elf internally sigh in annoyance.

“No, I think not. My partner is waiting for me, you see.” Astarion gave a forced smile before attempting to make his way back to Tav. A large green hand was placed on his shoulder.

“Come on! Surely you're not talking about the little rat’s nest of hair? Sweetheart, I could show you things that little human wench couldn't even dream of-”

The elf quickly slapped his hand away.

“Oh, I highly doubt you could show me anything I haven't already done myself. Now bugger off.” Astarion growled out the last part, barring his fangs at the orc before stomping off.

Tav glanced up as Astarion took a seat next to her. He had a look of discomfort on his face, but quickly bushed it off as he noticed her attention on him. “I'm back, my sweet.” Astarion smiled at Tav, setting their drinks down before planting a kiss on her cheek.

“You okay, doll? You seem uncomfortable.” Tav put her hand on his shoulder only to receive a small smile as his hand covered her own.

“I'm fine, love. Just a little annoyed by the wait is all.” Astarion squeezed her hand gently, not wanting her to worry.

“Okay….” Tav said before looked back down at the letter, taking a sip from the wine Astarion had brought her.

“What's that?” Astarion asked, sliding an arm over her shoulders before taking a sip from his own mug and internally sighing.

Rothé blood….

“Just an ominous threatening letter left by gods know who.” Tav said casually, nearly making Astarion spit out his blood.

“Ah darling, perhaps you should be a just little more concerned about this?”

“I'm not afraid. Let them come get me! I've been itching for a good fight for ages!” Tav clenched her fist, a wicked grin spread across her face.

“Oh Tav, you know what that bloodlust look does to me.~” Astarion flirted leaning closer against his love. “But maybe we should be at least a bit more careful?”

“We’ve dealt with plenty of baddies before, Star. It’ll be fine!” Tav insisted.

“Need I remind you that there are only two of us now since the others have all gone their separate ways.” Astarion sighed, “I just worry for you, my dear.”

“I know babe.” Tav planted a kiss on his cheek affectionately before saying,”I'll tell you what, once we get everything sorted out with the other spawn we'll recruit some new traveling companions and go after that ring of the sunwalker thing I heard about.” This brought a smile to the vampire’s lips.

Large footsteps were heard stomping over to the table. Astarion glanced up seeing the half-orc from before approaching them.

“Sorry about my behavior before sweetness. I've just never seen such a breathtaking looking creature such as yourself. So, how about you ditch the runt and i'll take you somewhere we can get you something better to drink…. Perhaps someone?~”

“Are you daft? I told you to bugger off!” Astarion snarled, glaring daggers at the large male. Astarion kept his arm around Tav in a protective manner, but it was more so for his own comfort truth be told. The half-orc was really making him uneasy. Tav could feel Astarion shake a little.

“Hey, no need to be like that, I just want a piece of that tight little elven as-” The half-orc was suddenly silenced by a scimitar pressed dangerously close to his groin.

“You really don't want to finish that sentence, big guy.” Tav said calmly, not even looking up at the green bastard. “You know I’ve been really itching to slit someone's throat lately, but you….I think I might have fun with you…” She said before finally turning her head towards him, a sadistic grin spread across her lips.

“Y-You better watch yourself y-you little b-b-bitch!” He whined out the last part feeling Tav press her blade harder against his clothed crotch.

“Oh I like this!” Tav breathed out, voice unhinged and full of bloodlust as the half-orc began to shake in terror. “A big stupid creep thinks he can push me around just because I'm small…It's almost cute how pathetic you are. I should cut you open and show everyone what you really are inside. A gutless coward!” Tav stared at him intensely. The wicked grin spread across her lips didn't falter even for a second, until eventually she sighed.

“But it'd be rude to get blood all over Lyn’s nice clean floors.” Tav said, speaking of the half-drow bartender. “So you're going to leave now and never come near my lover again, or I'll cut your cock off and shove it down your throat. Understand?” Tav spat, nearly stabbing the blade of her scimitar through the orc’s pants.

“Y-Yes m-ma’m!” The half-orc said in a high pitch tone.

“Good boy.” Tav pulled her blade back, “now get the fuck out of my sight.” She growled, causing the green creep to turn and make a run for it, slamming the door on his way out of the tavern. All the gnomes had seemed to halt their chatter and look over to the two lovers.

“Tav…” Astarion muttered in an irritated tone, “I didn't need you to defend me! I had that completely under control!” He fussed, clearly embarrassed because of the scene Tav had caused.

“I'm sure you did sweetie, but you can't just expect me to sit by and do nothing when some pervert keeps treating you like a piece of meat.” Tav said calmly.

“Darling that orc was huge! What if you hadn't been quick enough!? What if he comes back!?”

“Honey, I can literally turn into an owlbear.” Tav rolled her eyes. “I know you’re capable of kicking ass, Star. I have no doubt about that. But I don’t protect you because I think you're weak. I do it because I love you.” Tav said sweetly, placing her hand against his cheek. “And sometimes it's okay to need someone to protect you…” She looked down at his trembling hands. Fear began to stir in her gut, worried that he might have been triggered by the situation. Astarion simply place his hand over hers and relaxed into her touch.

“I know. I love you too…It's just…I want to be able to protect the both of us…” Astarion glanced off to the side.

“You can! Babe, you're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for! You practically carried our team the entire time we were worm brained!” Tav placed a second hand on the other side of his face. Astarion rolled his eyes with a slight smile.

“Gods Tav, you're such a bad liar.”

“I'm not lying!” Tav chuckled, “I'm pretty sure you have more kills than the rest of us combined! You're so stealthily and quick! The fuckers never saw it coming!”

“Well perhaps I could be willing to allow you to win this little debate. Granted you continue to list off all of my many talents, or you can just call me beautiful and we can head upstairs for the evening?”

“You're beyond beautiful, my Star.” Tav purred.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

The night was quiet as Tav and Astarion rested on the top floor of the Inn. Both of them snug in their bed. Astarion always had a tendency to curl around Tav as she slept and he tranced. However, tonight Tav lay there, eyes wide open. Her mind for some reason wandering off to a memory brought on by today's events.

“I assume he belongs to you.” The drow’s eyes leered over Astarion lustfully as she spoke about his as if he was nothing but cattle.

“Excuse me? I don't appreciate you talking about my friend like he's a fucking piece of property.” Tav snapped, stepping in front of her companion protectively. Of course she'd see him that way. The drow treat all their men like cattle. The fact didn't make Tav any less insulted.

“Now now. No need to speak like that. I only wish to make a trade.” The drow said calmly, however her stare seemed to harden a little. “What is your name, spawn?”

“It’s Astarion but hold on!” Astarion put his hands up as if to keep some distance between him the drow.

“Astarion, I've dreamt of being bitten by a vampire since I was a little girl.” She purred. Tav shot the drow a look which she ignored, red eyes locked on Astarion’s mouth.

“Let me get this straight, you want to be bitten?” Astarion asked, a look of confusion and disgust filled his face. Normally he would jump at a chance to sink his teeth into a willing person, hells part of him wanted to drain this bitch dry because of how she talked about him, but this drow pretty as she was her blood smelled worse than death itself! Just being in her presence was enough to make him want to gag!

“To feel my life’s essence slipping away, to dance on the edge of death, yes I want it.” She said, nearly swooning. “I'll even compensate you. A potion of legendary power. It's not for sale, but it's yours if you bite me.”

“I will have to decline.” Astarion said immediately.

“Excuse me? This is a once and a lifetime opportunity and you're squandering it!”

“I gave you my answer!” Astarion spat. The drow woman ignored him and immediately turned to Tav.

“Can't you talk some sense into your obstinate charge!?” She demanded.

“He said no. The hells do you not understand?” The druid snapped.

Gods, Tav couldn't help but think back to her first encounter with Araj the drow blood merchant. This incident today reminded her far too much of it. Except this time it might have been worse. The fucking orc actually tried to put his hands on him.

Tav furrowed her eyebrows and glanced back over to Astarion’s peaceful looking face. She knew he could handle himself in a fight, but the situation was different. These sorts of things really got to him. Tav ran her fingers gently through his hair. She needed to keep safe no matter what. Sleep took Tav eventually and she snuggled into her vampire’s embrace, enjoying the coolness of his skin. And for a while the two were at peace, blissfully unaware of what lurked in the shadows.

It was probably about midnight when Tav woke up. She whimpered and felt around the bed for her lover, only feeling emptiness in his place.

“Astarion?” Her eyes slowly blinked open and Tav sat up. She glanced around the room discovering the vampiric elf was nowhere in sight. She tried to rationalize that Astarion was probably just up and around since he didn't need as much rest as she did, but Tav couldn't help but feel anxiety creep its way into the back of her mind. She got to her feet before slowly feeling a dagger be pressed against her throat.

“Nice to see you again, true soul…” A familiar feminine voice spoke softly in Tav's ear, causing her to grit her teeth as she looked back.

“Araj? The hells are you doing all the way out here?” Tav sneered.

“I needed to see you again. I require your help.”

“I told you before, you aren't getting any more of my blood and if you even think of bringing up Astarion so help me-”

“This isn't about him, darling. This is about you. I am on the verge of something extraordinary, but I need one key ingredient. Your heart.” Araj slowly dragged the knife down her throat and down between her breasts.

Tav rolled her eyes before chuckling.

“Sweet, but you know I'm spoken for.” In a swift motion the druid slammed her foot down on the drow's own before grasping hold of her wrist and forcing the blade away from her body.

“You idiots! Get in here and help me!” Araj suddenly shouted, prompting the door to open, revealed two half-orc male’s and a female.

With them was Astarion bound with silver chains wrapped around his body. Cloth was tied around his mouth, preventing him from speaking, but Tav could very clearly hear him whimpering in pain. The silver was burning his skin!

“Now cooperate or else! I'll make sure our darling bloodsuck-” Tav didn't even give the drow a moment to speak any further before knocking the blade from her hand and slamming her fist into her face with enough force to knock Araj to the floor. Araj hit the ground with a thud, seemingly knocked unconscious from the blow. The druid’s eyes quickly went back to Astarion who was struggling and letting out muffled cries of pain, but despite this he looked far more pissed off than afraid. That didn't calm the rage that was stirring deep inside Tav however, and the fact that the same gods damned perverted orc from before was holding onto Astarion's silver chains just pushed her over the edge.

Without even thinking Tav dropped to the ground transforming into a huge direwolf before letting out a deep bloodthirsty snarl and lunging right for the familiar half orc. Her jaws sank right into his groin, causing him to let out a blood curdling scream.

“Bloody hells! Get that thing off of him!” The female half-orc shouted.

“But the vampire!?” The other male orc replied.

“He's tied up you dumb fuck!” She shouted before turning to attack Tav. Tav yanked her head back hard, tearing a chunk out of the half-orc’s flesh and trousers. The half orc continued to scream as Tav spat his unmentionables out before he tumbled over and began to bleed out on the floor.

“That crazy drow bitch better pay us good for this.” The remaining male half-orc muttered before charging at Tav alongside the female.

Tav quickly dove under his legs before bucking him to the ground with her back and darting right for Astarion. Astarion shook his head as his wildshaped lover approached him with a doglike whine and sunk her teeth into his chains, trying to he them off him. She was only able to allow one of his arms to slip free. Astarion quickly tore the cloth around his head.

“For gods' sake Tav! Look out!” He shouted, before suddenly the female half-orc slammed into Tav from behind, wrapping her arms around her in a headlock.

“I've got her! I've got her!” The female orc shouted. Tav growled loudly before turning round and sinking her teeth into the orc female’s shoulder. In the struggle the two ended up tumbling down the stairs and out the front door of the tavern. The half-orc male was about to run off after his female companion when suddenly he noticed Astarion had somehow slipped free from his bindings. The vampire’s skin was quickly healing from the burns left from the silver, and his eyes almost appeared to be glowing red. He clenched and unclenched his fists revealing sharp claw-like fingernails and the next thing the half-orc knew were icy fangs piercing his throat.

Outside the tavern, Tav and the female orc were still going at it. The half orc threw a punch to Tav's head knocking her back before she took out a blade and took a stab at the direwolf only for Tav to dart out of the way at the last second and take a bit at the orc woman’s leg.

“You godsdamn mutt!” She yelled, kicking Tav in the face before plugging her blade into her back.

Tav howled in pain and backed up, blood trickling down her back and staining her fur. She let out a pained whimper as she looked up at the half-orc.

The she-orc smirked triumphantly.

“Not so high and mighty now are you, druid?” She huffed starring Tav right in the eyes. Without another word Tav lunged at the orc with a monstrous growl, sinking her jaws into the green female's head.

“GODS DAMNIT!!” The half-orc screamed. Tav sunk her claws into her shoulders as she stood up on her hind legs and dug her teeth into the orc's skull. Then with a harsh whip of her head Tav snapped her opponent’s neck. The druid then released the orc, letting her drop to the ground.

Tav dropped back down on all fours with a sigh, panting a little from the fight. She turned her head and yanked the blade from her back. Luckily in this form she wouldn't actually be harmed. But she was honestly feeling far too tired to stay in her wildshape now. Slowly she transformed back, taking a moment to regain her strength.

“A-Astarion…I-I need to get back to Astarion…” Tav told herself.

“I'm afraid you won't be seeing him again.” Araj suddenly stepped out from the shadows, blade in hand. “I am not leaving without your heart!” She hissed.

“Oh for fucks sake! Don't you ever get tired of being a psycho!?” Tav hissed, she quickly reached for her weapon, but this time Araj was quicker. She stabbed her blade into Tav's leg making her freeze.

“What….W-What is this!?” Tav sputtered, suddenly feeling her limbs begin to tingle and go numb. She tried to move, but her body just felt so heavy.

“A paralysis potion I've been keeping for a rainy day. I'd hoped I wouldn't have to use it. I have no idea what affects it will have on your heart unfortunately, but I can't let you get away.” Araj stopped as she watched Tav whimper and squirm on the ground. The silver haired female wiped her blade clean off the potion before she then undid the buttons on Tav's shirt, exposing her chest.

“Now I'll need a nice clean cut. I don't want to damage your heart too badly.” The drow licked her lips before dragging the tip of her blade over Tav’s chest. “Just close your eyes and it'll be all over…” Tears began to form in the corners of Tav’s eyes, heart pounding so hard she was sure it’d burst right out before that damn drow bitch would even have a chance to cut into it.

“Get away from my Tav.” Astarion suddenly growled out, appearing behind Araj who quickly turned and struck at him with her blade.

“Not until I have her heart!” Araj hissed.

Astarion ducked out of the way, unsheathing his own blade and taking a swing at her. His dagger barely nicked the side of her cheek as she dodged, drawing a few drops of blood.

“Gods below, it's even more foul smelling than before!” He made a gagging sound.

“Mock me all you like! It won't stop me!” Araj took another stab at Astarion aiming right for his throat, but he quickly grabbed her wrists and pushed her back towards the ground. Now that he was free of the tadpole his vampiric strength returned and it gave him an edge in battle.

“You know darling, I think I may have had a sudden change of heart. I may just bite you after all.” Astarion said, forcing a grin upon his face.

“What-” Confusion flickered over her face for a split second, immediately being followed by Astarion sinking his fangs into her neck, but instead of drinking her blood, he tore her throat right out.

Astarion immediately spat out any of her blood that had gotten into his mouth before watching her drop to the ground, a twisted smile plastered over her face. “I-Incredible….” She choked out before suddenly coughing up an alarming amount of blood.

He quickly disregarded her lifeless body and swiftly moved to Tav who was still paralyzed on the ground.

“My love, are you alright?” Astarion knelt down and cradled her head with one hand.

“I-I can't m-move….S-She got me with a paralysis poison…” Tav croaked out.

“Hang in there lover.”Astarion frowned, looking down at Tav with worry. He immediately scooped her up bridal-style. “I'm going to take you to Dalyria. She should be able to cure this.” Astarion carried Tav back into the tavern. Several of the patrons were whispering to each other. Some seemed deathly afraid of Astarion and his love. The vampire spawn simply ignored them.

“I don't think we're going to be welcome here any longer, Star.” Tav said as Astarion set her down on a sofa near the tavern fireplace.

“Forget them, darling. We're leaving anyway. Now sit tight while I grab our things.” Astarion said, kissing her forehead before quickly going upstairs to get their packs. Tav sat by the fire, she could see the barmaid Lyn giving her an awfully ugly look.

Good gods, it's not our fault we were attacked.

Tav rolled her eyes. It didn't take long for Astarion to return with their things. Tav weakly nuzzled her face into his neck as Astarion scooped her back up into his arms. Tav stared up at him with adoration as he carried her out.

“You did it, you know.” She hummed.

“What are you on about?’ Astarion glanced down at her.

“You protected me!” Tav exclaimed with a weak smile, “and thank the gods you did. I was sure I was a goner.”

“You give me far too much credit, my love. I still allowed you to get injured. You did a much better job than I.” Astarion huffed.

“You kidding? You just saved my life Astarion and this isn't even the first time.” Tav insisted. “Look, from now on no more arguing over who protects who. We protect each other and that's final.”

“You're being awfully demanding of someone who can't even move her arms, my dear.” Astarion chuckled, “but I am grateful all the same.”

He planted another kiss upon Tav's forehead before continuing on to meet up with his sister and hopefully cure his beloved’s ailment.

The two set off, leaving the tavern to deal with three battered corpses and a mysterious trail of blood…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note from TheChaoticDruid: Phew! Finally got this thing out! Honestly despite finding her a very shitty person and absolutely despising how she treats Astarion I can't help but find Araj interesting. The whole thing with blood and heck the creepy shit you find in her basement makes me want to know more about her. Kinda went a little overboard with this in terms of violence I guess, but I kinda wish there were more bg3 fics with some action in them. Also, I may have kinda ignored how silver and vampires work in DnD, but BG3 plays fast and loose with lore so I guess I will too. Hope you like it!

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perfectlovevn · 1 month ago

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give us more yandere pre milo crumbs pleaaase. elaborate more on his yandere tendencies

Okay sure. I'm taking the bunnies in the divorce.

Pre Milo Yandere:

PreMilo's yandere tendencies mostly stem from the fact that his parents were pretty neglectful of him, only really caring about each other and ignoring him for most of his life. They basically instated in him that the only way to gain love is to have a love that they have, some sort of romantic love where the two sides are fully engrossed with each other. Because of this, Milo started to crave this kind of love his parents had for each other.

I also think he probably picked up some tendencies from various romantic movies that he watched. He's a romantic so he loves watching romance movies and they make him cry sometimes because he so desperately wants a love like that.

According to Ryan, PreMilo did stalk someone in the past and steal their things. Whether or not this is true is kind of up to how much you believe in Ryan and what you consider Milo's reaction to this was.

Before the events of the game, PreMilo did follow and lightly stalk Eris. They likely knew of this and took note of it, which is what lead to what happens in the game. This is expanded on in one of the extra stories that I wrote.

PreMilo is fully aware that any yandere tendencies such as stalking, taking pictures or anything similar is wrong, but he can't stop himself. He wants to know everything about you to make you happy, even if it freaks you out. Because of this, he harbors guilt for doing these kinds of behaviors and has a hard time stopping.

He is can be surprisingly very accurate in making dolls and other textile based things of things he likes such as his favorite animals like bunnies or even characters in games. Do with that what you like.

Even if the MC was very kind and told him to stop doing yandere things, I don't think he could fully ever stop. There's always some semblance of yandere behavior such as watching you sleep or continuously making dolls of you two.

Maybe it's better to not think of how many times he rehearsed dating you with the dolls, or like any other cute thing like dating, getting married, owning pets etc...

#perfectlovevn #perfect love vn #yanderevn #yandere vn #milo asks #about premilo

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project-sekai-facts · 4 months ago

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what do you think the "Please forgive me and Purple" mean? considering the Miku (and Teto!) version it could be stand as a prayer like "Amen" yk? I always thought it said "please forgive me Empurple" as if "Empurple" was an entity

please forgive me and "purple", the wavering me dyed purple

So empurple means "to become purple", hence why in the official english lyrics "empurple" is replaced by "dyed purple". I think the 'and "purple" ' in the lyrics is representative of Mafuyu's emotional state, as in, her true and genuine self waiting to be found/freed. The real Mafuyu - her image color is purple after all. I think to understand what it means to Mafuyu at least, we need to look at the SEKAI ver instead of Harumaki Gohan's version. It was written for Mafuyu, so most likely Mafuyu is the origin of this lyric, which was then put into a different context with Harumaki Gohan's MV.

In the first verse where Mafuyu sings "the real me feeling stuck in my throat is empurpling", which gives us an image of Mafuyu struggling to open up about her feelings. The longer she feels stuck and keeps everything in the more purple it becomes. This is confirmation enough that the "purple" that she's asking for forgiveness for is just the things she kept hidden from her parents. It makes a lot more sense if you consider that this is the event where she starts to reconnect with her dad, and truly starts to trust him and open up to him. You don't have to read past this part, I have answered the question.

I think it's worth mentioning as well that we see these red and blue strings throughout the entire MV, obviously red and blue being the colors that make purple. We'll get more on what red and blue mean in the context of this song later, but just briefly I want to talk about this specific frame here. Strings have been a recurring motif for Mafuyu from as early as her first ever event, Captive Marionette. In that event, Mafuyu likens herself to a marionette doll, with the way she feels completely under the control of her mother and like she's being used for her mother's own performance (that will get its own analysis in due time). Her card for that event shows her dressed as a marionette doll bound by strings.

The strings come back for her aptly titled My True Feelings card in her fourth event, Saying Goodbye to my Masked Self. She's seen cutting the threads here, symbolising how she ran away from home and effectively cut off her mother. And now back to Empurple. In the opening shot of the MV, we see red and blue strings wrapped around Mafuyu's ankles, binding her to something offscreen. Behind her, towards the area she's being bound to, we see a bunny plushie and some apple slices cut into the shape of rabbits.

These are taken from her Memories of Warm Affection card, which shows kid Mafuyu being taken care of by her mother. The event Empurple was commissioned for, Reeling in the Lights, heavily calls back to Mirage of Lights, Mafuyu's second event and the event this card originates from. It's pretty clear here that Mafuyu is being bound to her mother, and her memories of her mother's care for her when she was younger. Continuing on with the actual song:

The next part of interest is the first pre-chorus. The first shot here is one of a child's hand holding an adult's, obviously meant to be Mafuyu and her father based on the card for this event (below). The next shot is of kid Mafuyu's eye, much brighter and with a far lighter blue color. These two shots are accompanied by the lyrics "Try to open my left hand and have a look? It's still embedded with blue eyes." (It is in fact her left hand that she uses to hold her dad's hand in her card). Now here's where we get to the meaning of blue in the song and MV.

The blue here is meant to represent Mafuyu's younger self. Her more genuine and innocent self before her parents started setting more pressure and expectations on her. The first line of the chorus is "If I saw that, would I be surprised", which I think perfectly encapsulates how Mafuyu feels when looking back at her childhood. In both of the "Lights" events focusing on her relationship with her parents, she looks back on these childhood memories that are so distant from her reality that she'd almost forgotten them, and yeah, it's surprising how different her life was and how she was when she was younger. The second line of the chorus "I just want to live once with genuine feelings only" plays into this too. And then we come back to the "purple".

If we hold hands, it would be great if you could understand, Please, Forgive me and "Purple", The wavering me is Empurpled

It's very clear here that this is all directed towards her father. In the event, we flash back to Mafuyu's dad comforting her during a thunderstorm, and although its one of her only memories of him because he was very absent from her childhood, she realises that she associates him with being a source of support, and decides to tell him more about how she really feels. She affirms her trust and comfort by holding his hand. In the context of the song, she's asking him to forgive her and all the things she's been hiding over the years.

The next point of interest is the second prechorus, which is very similar to the first, only this time, it's about the "red". Once again we get a shot of Mafuyu holding her dad's hand, only this time it shows the present day, and Mafuyu is using her right hand this time. Like how the first prechorus mentioned her left hand, this one mentions her right, with the precise lyric being "Try to open my right hand and have a look? You'll find a crimson sky.". An aside, her eyes aren't crimson here, I won't deny that, but they can't exactly just give Mafuyu red eyes, so for the sake of this analysis, pretend she has red eyes or something or that crimson and indigo are the same thing. We see the shot of teenage Mafuyu's dull indigo right eye over the lyric about the crimson sky, a direct contrast to her bright blue eyes from the first prechorus.

The "red" in this song references Mafuyu's current state of being. A girl struggling with expectations and appearances to the point she lost her sense of self, her emotions, and her will to live. All of this has been kept well hidden until the mask finally came off in her previous event, and now her father is seeing this completely new side to his daughter too. It's far more impactful though with the knowledge that he was an absent father, and never really got to spend any time with Mafuyu due to his work schedule. Like he never really knew Mafuyu to begin with in some ways. All he knew of her would've mainly come from how other people saw her, which is what caused this in the first place.

The first line of the second chorus is "If you see it, will you be shocked?", obviously referring to how she has her worries about telling her dad these things about herself. He is, in fact. shocked by the situation. He's completely stunned when he finds out Mafuyu can't even taste the food he's been buying her back in The Tone Played on that Day, because this is nothing like the Mafuyu he thought he knew. At that point he knew Mafuyu had been struggling, but he had no idea of the severity of it because Mafuyu had been holding these things in her throat.

The second line interests me quite a lot though. "The crimson sky is so beautiful, yet you'll never know." I've been trying to think about what quite we're looking at here for a few minutes, but here's what I've interpreted it as. Where we are right now in the story, the crimson is the closest we can get to the real Mafuyu. It's her true self as much as her current emotional state will allow, and obviously there's some beauty in that. It's far more authentic that the manufactured facade of blue that she'd been putting up for the previous few years. "yet you'll never know" could refer to three things in my opinion. Number one: Mafuyu's unwillingness to open up before the end of this event. No one gets to know her real self, because she won't let people see it. Number two: Mafuyu's father missed out on a huge amount of her childhood, and missed many of the signs that Mafuyu was going through mental anguish. Obviously, this ends up being remedied at the end of the event. And number three: This is aimed at Mafuyu's mother, who doesn't understand how this has happened and refuses to accept that this is who Mafuyu is.

And the last part of this chorus is "If we hold hands, it would be so warm... Please, Forgive me and 'Purple' ". Warmth is something that comes up a lot in Mafuyu's story. It's a sign of comfort for her. Her mother, or even just her presence, physical or not, is consistently described as cold and icy. It's unnerving and chilling. However, being around Niigo, holding their hands, brings her an unfamiliar warmth. Mafuyu associates this warmth with how she felt around her mother when she was younger. She can't quite place it, but it's a feeling of safety, comfort, and happiness. As I mentioned earlier, although Mafuyu has very few memories of her father from when she was a kid, what she does remember of him brings her that same feeling of warmth. And it's different to how her memories of her mother give her warmth, because he's still here, now, trying to help her.

I particularly like the bridge and final chorus too. There isn't much to say about the MV here aside from the fact it gets darker during the bridge, connecting with the "crimson sky that was hidden at all costs" lyric. Mafuyu is the last person to sing, and as expected it's darkest then, though it does get brighter as she finishes her line, probably because she's going to be more open from now on. I like the "still tinged with blue, these eyes" part too, because obviously, her happier and genuine "blue" side is still a part of her, she's just lost sight of the genuine manifestation of it over time. Blue and red make purple after all, and you can't get the true purple form of Mafuyu without combining her blue and red sides.

The final chorus refers to the event story again. "The important things, I'll keep them with me" obviously references the memories of her dad comforting her that she never let go of, "Inside my body, something is still broken" because Mafuyu isn't fully healed yet, and "If we hold hands, please fix me" because she is going to let her dad help her from now. Them holding hands was a sign of trust between the two of them, and a sign that Mafuyu is going to be genuine with her father because it is what's best for her, for real this time. He says in the event that he's been looking into getting her seen by a hospital (therapy), so he truly does want to help her.

The MV ends with the same shot as we started with, only this time, the camera has moved over to the left a bit, fitting with the fact that her "blue" childhood happiness was said to be on the left. The strings binding her also fade away, and allow her to step towards a new person whose feet have appeared in the frame, who is obviously meant to be her dad (Mr Asahina canonically wears sliders). We're finally seeing Mafuyu make some significant progress following her running away. Even after she ran away, she was still bound to her mother, and the warm memories she had of her, but now she's found someone who can give her that support and love for her genuine self in the present. She's freeing herself little by little.

#i saw this as an opportunity to vaguely use my media gcse for its intended purpose. didnt even mention any theory but wtv. hope this is ok #asks #songs #summer vacation analysis 1/4 (?) i'm gonna tentatively say 4 #anyway mr asahina's a good character or something like that and his relationship with mafuyu is incredibly well written and interesting

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leahsgirl · 10 months ago

Text

celebration night | alex greenwood x reader

based off this request except i kind of went off script a little, only a short 1.3k for because its currently 4am right now - hope you enjoy!

mentions of anxiety (only briefly), suggestive language, smut sort of??

—

it was times like these, where you were sat in the back of a car, dolled up to the nines, when you wondered how you ended up with your girlfriend.

the two of you was en route to another awards ceremony that would be celebrating her (and her teammates) contribution to the footballing world.

you was her plus one of course, having dragged you to a couple beforehand over the course of your relationship. you weren't exactly the biggest fan of these events considering you was a very introverted person with an almost constant pit of anxiety in your stomach, but you knew how much they meant to Alex and what kind of girlfriend would you be if you weren't there supporting her?

when you first met her, at a club match you went watching for your childhood friend chloe, you already had a massive crush her. what you didn't expect was for the blonde to offer getting drinks sometime when kelly introduced you and the rest was history really.

so yeah, back to the present where you, a bartender, was keeping a strong grip on your football sensation girlfriend's hand, trying your best to keep your nerves under control. "i'll say it once i'll say it again; how do you do this all the time? how do the nerves not knock you sick?"

the older girl chuckled, "nerves turns into adrenaline - and adrenaline helps me play better." stating it simply and turning her head to press a light kiss on your temple. "you'll be fine baby; you always have me remember?" alex was aware of how your thoughts could spiral to the point of no return, how you would psychoanalyse certain situations and how you anxious you could get when in big groups like tonight will be. she knew exactly how to calm you down and for that you was thankful.

the car now pulling up outside the steps that lead to the building, a chauffeur opening the door for the blonde and you, alex got out and once again held her hand out for you to take. there was a few paparazzi/photographers outside behind the rope fences calling out your girlfriends name. "alex! alex!" "alex! whose the girl with you?!" "over here alex." after a few shots you was ushered inside where the place was already buzzing with people.

they'd gone for all white and gold decorations you gathered, having noticed the balloon arch mixed with the two colours, as well as white decorative roses scattered around in bunches and a champagne tower slap bang in the centre. you never understood the point of them if you was honest, the glasses are far too dainty to remove from the pyramid and just one accidentally nudge to the poor thing and it would come crashing down.

"y/n, alex, hiya." turning around to the familiar voice you see lucy, one of the blue-eyed girls national teammates. you liked lucy, she was one of the girls you clicked with the most when visiting alex at her european and world cup tournaments. "oh my god i feel like i haven't seen you in ages" you say as you went in for a side hug. "its only been two months y/n, has alex over here been boring you that much?" the brunette smirked while your girlfriend rolled her eyes playfully.

"she's been keeping me busy actually, last week she forced me to learn how to rollerstake for no reason." its true, the thirty-year-old was always convincing you to do the stupidest, most cheesy stuff but you don't mind. In fact, it's probably one of your favourite things about her seeing this goofier side compared to the more serious and reserved ones the fans got.

"don't act like you don't secretly love it." she said crossing her arms over her chest while you just giggled in response and pecked her lips. "i do sweetheart don't worry."

after some mindless chatter with the barcelona player, staff came out to escort people to their seats. the set-up was tables of six and you was happy to find out accompanying you on your table was mary, lucy, ella and her boyfriend joe.

complimentary alcoholic beverages were being given throughout the night which you indulged in as you watched the awards being presented one by one.

alex was up for some sort of team award if you remembered correctly, not exactly understanding the drabble of words she was saying when she first told you the news, you think its eleven people getting the same award or something if you took anything from the conversation. what you did know is that she had to go up against international players which makes the award even more special if she is to win.

the night dragged on as you listened to speech after speech after speech. eventually, the time had come for 'FIFPRO Women's World 11' "that's it." you thought to yourself as the man read the title of the honour, now recalling alex telling you about fifa's women starting eleven.

"now introducing your women's starting eleven team!" the massive sliding doors opened up, revealing the ladies one by one. An overwhelming sense of pride engulfed you as you watched your partner stand on stage in her very sexy suit (if you do say so yourself) with trophy in hand. with a quick few lines from each girl, they made their way back to their seats. standing up, you beamed at alex and placed your hands on her cheeks "i'm so so proud of you." she leans in and kisses your lips, smudging your red lipstick slightly.

"you in the mood for celebrating later?" parting away from your lips, she whispered in your ear. you could see her eyes filled with lust which meant only one thing. offering to get out of there, alex and you say your goodbyes to your friends/her teammates. To be honest the ceremony was dying down anyways so it was only a matter of time before you actually did leave.

as soon as your front door closed hands grabbed your waist and pressed you onto the wall. lips attached to your neck, biting and sucking at the skin as you gave in to the quiet noises of pleasure before they found your mouth once again.

the kisses were sloppy and eager as the defender swiped her tongue across your bottom lip gaining entrance into your mouth, tongues in a fight for dominance.

she stopped. dragging you by the hand into your bedroom and pushing you onto the end of the bed. this time, she snaked her hand under your top, reaching up to massage your breast. "you're beautiful you know that?" alex watched in amusement as you tried to stay quiet while she pressed her knee up against your centre. "tell me what you want princess."

literally just the words she was saying was enough to send you over the edge if you let it. "i want- i want you lower." the breathlessness in your voice made the blonde smirk, complying with your wishes. she made her way down to your pants menacingly slow, undoing the button and sliding the silk material off until they were disregarded somewhere in the room. "can i just say, I'm practically naked and you're out here still in your suit." as much as you loved the suit, you'd much rather be seeing her toned abs right now.

taking the hint, she quickly thew the outfit off, now hovering over you in just her black lingerie. "better?" she asks and you nod, shamelessly raking your eyes down her whole body.

the man city player busied herself with tracing patterns up your thighs, getting dangerously close to your centre without actually touching it. "alex please."

toying with the elastic on your thong she looked up at you. "please what? i want to hear you say it." the lust was practically oozing out of her mouth right now. slotting her hand under the mesh material of your underwear she repeated herself, "say it y/n."

your brain was going into overdrive from the teasing she had given you; your chest heaving. "alex..please fuck me already."

she caught your lips in a passionate kiss. "good girl."

#alex greenwood #alex greenwood x reader #woso #woso community #england lionesses #lionesses #request #manchester city wfc

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panic-in-the-multiverse · 1 year ago

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Venom

Pairings: father Miguel O’Hara x gn!teen!venom!reader, Venom x teen!reader

Imagine: what it would be like to be Miguel’s son and a spider-man along with venom, spider-venom? Idk guys

Warnings: mention of death, mention of parent death, mention of injuries, father Miguel O’Hara, idk what else, not proofread

A/N keep in mind the first part of this is before Gabriella died. Second I am aware that Miguel has a son somewhere out there in the comics, third don’t mind me referencing Moon Knight in some parts, lastly this is actually based on one of my ocs, but I made this fic x reader instead :)

Side note: I did imagine reader to be male (like my oc is) but I made it gn!reader so that everyone can read it

You lived on earth-TRN1042 (is that the name, it was when I searched it up, might be wrong tho), with you father Miguel O’Hara and your sister Gabriella O’Hara

Your canon event as tragic as it is was to watch as your father died — which would eventually lead you to become Spider-Man

You’d been bitten a few days prior and was still adjusting to the whole power thing

But we are getting ahead of ourselves, Here’s the thing Miguel (earth-928) lost his family on his earth and when he found out a way to go into other earths he found your earth. The one where he still had a happy family

His original plan was to just watch from afar, but when your father died, Miguel made the rash decision to take your fathers place, which didn’t go as smoothly as he thought, after all you had watched your father die

At first you thought you were going crazy when you first saw Miguel, apparently he’d been with your sister all day. You didn’t trust him one but, you knew for a fact your father was dead so when you saw him playing with Gabriella and her dolls you were in shock, you’d told Gabriella to go to her room, once she did the interrogation started, you’d felt your father take his last breath so you sure as hell would find out who this imposter was.

“Who are you?”

“I’m your father”

“No, no, no, no, I watched my father die, who are you?”

Miguel knew you wouldn’t stop your interrogation until you knew what was going on, this led to him giving you a long explanation about different earths, his family and everything in between, how he got his powers and literally his whole life story, only to ensure that you would let him stay, he wouldn’t stay against your wishes

You let him stay, not only because you knew what loss felt like, but you hadn’t told Gabriella yet and you didn’t know how you could tell her that her actual father was dead, and it would prove to be good to have an adult raise your little sister with you, so you let Miguel stay, eventually you saw him as your father too, Gabrielle being none the wiser when it came to her fathers true identity.

The first time you called Miguel “dad” or something alike, he was overjoyed

Miguel didn’t really enjoy you going out to beat bad guys up but he never told you not to, he knew why you did it so he never stopped you, and he used to do it so it would be kinda hypocritical of him to force you to stop, instead he’d be at home, and every time you snuck in through your window you could find Miguel in the living room ready to patch you up, telling you of every time for being reckless and getting hurt so many times

Don’t be offended when he calls you an “reckless idiot” (he’d probably say it in Spanish though) when you get home nearly half dead (Miguel might of overreacted a bit)

It was around this time when you started to get memory gaps from time to time, some fights you didn’t even remember how you defeated the enemy, and some days you woke up in an alleyway, (kinda like Steven in episode one of moon knight)

Before it all went to shit I’d like to think that Miguel gave up on the spider-man part of him and was just a single dad with his two kids working a boring job — not at Alcehmax, he won’t do that mistake again

You all lived rather peacefully for the most part, you’d help Gabriella get better at football/soccer, going to an ice cream shop every time after one of Gabriella’s matches, loss or win didn’t matter there was always ice cream after a match.

And then in a single day it all got taken away from you, in just a couple of minutes all you had ever known was gone

Your whole earth started to disappear along with the people in it, you’d been out on your daily spider-man patrols when it happened, you saw your father/Miguel running with Gabriella and so instead of trying to stop whatever was happening — or more like knowing you couldn’t stop it as you had no clue what it was — you went into the direction of your family.

And when your sister disappeared you didn’t know what to do anymore, Miguel at least able to think somewhat took your hand and soon enough you were on earth-928, and from a screen you watched as your dimension disappeared into nothingness

This left many questions and problems but the question you were mostly focused on was the fact that you hadn’t disappeared

Turns out the spider that bit you had bonded (idk if this works but it does now) with a symbiote — Venom — who was from another earth, and when the spider bit you, you’d not only gained spider-powers but Venom transferred over to you and the two of you bonded, this changed your DNA and caused you to be able to coexist on your own earth along with the earth that Venom was from (does this make sense ain’t got a single clue)

Turns out Venom hadn’t made an appearance (to your knowledge and Miguel’s) because he protected you whenever you couldn’t yourself, and all those memory gaps that you had was the times that Venom had taken over (you know kinda like Jake with Steven and Marc in Moon Knight)

Fast forward a bit and you’d joined the spider-society

You had learned to coexist with Venom, it took some time but it worked out in the end, at first people would think you were crazy as you yelled at nothing (except for you you were talking to Venom who was speaking inside your mind), a lot of spider-people stayed away from you not wanting to be near Venom as he is supposed to be a villain, but when they realized you were one of the good guys they stopped avoiding you and Venom

Venom would deny it to his grave but he is extremely protective over you, if anyone hurt you he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt/kill/eat them

Miguel also became way more protective, after he lost Gabriella he only had you left and he would only send you out on the easy missions — that is until you snuck out on one of their worsts missions and got hurt because no one else new you were there — cue Miguel letting you go on dangerous missions so that you wouldn’t sneak out again and possibly die, at leas if he knew where you were he could make sure you didn’t die.

Not only did Miguel become more grumpy and strict with all the rules, you also become a lot more grumpy as you grieved your sister, and friends

And then all the shit with Miles happened but that’s for part 2,3 (part 2 siding with Miles, part 3 siding with Miguel idk which will come out first)

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melliae · 3 months ago

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Refraction Railway Line #2 Abnormalities Part 1 (Analysis)

The Möbius strip. The famous 2D manifold that has only one side, meaning that no matter how much you walk, you will always end up where you started. There’s no other path in front of you beyond that which endlessly repeats itself, forever.

Without escape, without release…

“Be still. Just be still, and do nothing more than breathe. For now, that’s how you must live. You cannot fly.” - ??? (Sang Yi), Chapter 48: Bud, Canto IV.

But only to the extent you allow yourself to be trapped in such a cycle, too afraid of soaring away and getting your wings hurt again.

“This is an adequate place to get off this train without getting lost. The refraction rate is already off the charts. For the first time since we embarked on this journey… I see a signpost. Maybe, this is where this railway line ends. Or maybe...this is where we meet our ends.” - Dante, Terminus: The Garden, Refraction Railway Line 2.

Nobody knows what lies beyond the known, familiar and soothing cycle, if there’s a dead end or true freedom. Nonetheless, you must walk towards it, for your and…

For Everyone’s Sake

“Are the talismans filling the room for a wish? Does this wooden doll wish for anything?” - Abnormality Encounter.

An effigy is, in essence, a sculptural representation of someone or something made with the express purpose of acquiring the dignity of that person/thing: whatever happens to the effigy, it will happen to its “model”. Yet one has to wonder what a stiff, featureless wooden doll represents? What kind of person can even begin to bear that quantity of curses on them?

No one.

No human can hope to be strong and resilient enough to carry all that hatred, despair, and sadness. Only a copy of one can do such a thing, especially crafted to be a faceless caricature that will never amount to anything more than that—no one.

It will be forever trapped in that room, bearing all the evils of the world because someone has to do it, and what better “person” to do it than the one specifically made to do so? It can’t wish to be anything but the nameless scapegoat of humanity, the star that weeps for everyone.

“When we look up at our sky… all we see is a pinch of muddled light. But here… I can see lone stars looking down at us. Since the city I can see from here is filled with cries of pain and despair… I’d rather… gaze down at people from the loneliness up in the sky and shed tears with them…” - Unknown Boy, Blossoming League of Nine Littérateurs, Canto IV.

I implied in my post about the RR3’s Abnormalities that Siltcurrent represents the experiences and memories of Mermaids at some level. Thus, it shouldn’t be surprising that the Tearful Thing, a human monstrosity with a boundless heart that cries for all misfortunes that befall people, can also participate in the creation of an Abnormality.

However, So That No One Will Cry (“STNOWC” from now on) is not only a manifestation of the Tearful Thing’s trauma and wishes; it’s also one for Yi Sang’s past conflict to an extent.

“Those were the kinds of achievements we accomplished in T Corp’s district. Which is why… I became more engrossed in the mirror. Untainted, unadulterated… I wished to immerse myself in the pure exploration of knowledge. So that… I wouldn’t have to take anything from anyone.” - Yi Sang, Blossoming League of Nine Littérateurs, Canto IV.

It isn’t a coincidence that its namesake skill, “So That No One Will Cry”, is Gloom-based: the expression of bottomless despair born from witnessing the evils of the world and those who one has caused. After all, who doesn’t know the bitterness of not wanting to do anything after doing or getting something wrong? The taste of the lies when someone asks you how you are doing? Those countless cases of martyrs for their loved ones? Maybe that’s why its mid-combat Event has Sloth advantage, because it keep things as they are and were, with the burden being too much to bear for the chosen Sinner.

At the end, someone has to cry, to purge all the accumulated pain, and you can't really be bothered with it.

… But as Project Moon does, things aren’t that simple: for some reason, all STNOWC’s remaining skills are Lust-based and give Cursed Talismans on hit. This last effect can be easily attributed to a mere side effect by the Abnormality’s attack or activity in general, as its mid-combat Event and Logs suggest. The Lust affinity, on the other hand, is a bit more tricky, though thankfully I already explained it in my RR4 post: Lust, in its most general form, corresponds to the Sin of love and passion, which is something STNOWC has in spades—an absolutely selfless love that leads it to carry countless curses.

“We start removing every single talisman in the room. The wooden doll paces here and there, uneasy and anxious. We ignore it and continue removing the talismans. As we were almost finished with removing the talismans, the wooden doll stands before the Sinners as though to tell them that enough is enough.” - Abnormality Encounter.

And like a great part of the Sin’s examples in the game, STNOWC is heavily attached to its role as a bearer of pain too, not wanting to abandon it by any means. This situation is repeated somewhat when you choose to remove the Doll’s talismans, despite the final ambiguity presented by Dante at the end. Personally, I think the Abnormality is ultimately afraid of someone else carrying the talismans.

“The wooden doll at the center seemed to be liberated from a binding force. It walked to you, offering an object.” - Abnormality Encounter.

Because even when you give it freedom through choosing to remove the room’s talismans, STNOWC decides to give you a copy of itself, as if to say that you should still use it to carry curses, brushing aside your sacrifice.

Such stubborn behavior makes the Sin advantages of the previous choice pretty ironic: you either don’t want the Doll to be trapped by your sins out of a slothful refusal to change, or, more importantly, because you hate allowing someone to bear all that suffering alone. And by that matter, the Abnormality’s weakness to Wrath is explained by that last part, because just as well have felt on some level the bitterness of hiding things from others, the frustration that comes from a loved one doing the same surely is familiar; but no matter how much you worry about them, if that loved one keeps ignoring or rejecting any and all help, only a wrathful worry can truly “save” them, and not more (misdirected) love (which in turn explains its resistance to Lust).

At any rate, the main idea should be obvious at this point, about how the answer to suffering isn’t to make someone carry it in complete solitude; that’s nothing but wishful and magical thinking. To stop the pain you must share it, just like the Talismans in both the battle and with Red Sheet Sinclair, lest everything becomes too heavy for anyone to bear.

Only when everyone shares their curses, truly no one will have to cry.

Refusing to Change

“Did the Steam Transport Machine return to when it was first produced? Leaving behind everything it’s gone through. The older the machine gets, the more of itself it will have to reconstruct.” - Mid-Combat Event.

By definition, meaning must exist in our lives. That’s not an idea anyone can argue against, because I’m not even speaking about any sort of metaphysical reality, let alone some kind of deeper, transcendental truth. It’s all a simple psychological fact: the drive to find (or construct, or whatever word you fancy) is an essential fundament of our psyche, of who we are as a species. We are literally programmed to see them anywhere, anytime, and we can’t function without one.

However, just as the outside world keeps on changing, so does our inner reality, and with it what we hold (or held) as true fades away. Thus, when confronted with the reality of our meaning—our life—disappearing to never return, despair sets in and we wonder what we will do. The answer, as most things in life, depends on the individual, but Steam Transport Machine surely shows what a sizable amount of people did and do.

“Hohmm… ‘twasn’t that it released tiny machines to repair itself; it was as though it un—did the damages that had already transpired.” - Don Quixote, Abnormality’s Observation Log #1.

To regress to the past. To act as if things haven't changed, or to try to restore them to what they were. That’s what the Accumulated Past mechanic is all about, being reflective of the work the Machine does and thus the turns the battle is taking, with a higher count indicating an increase in the use and degradation of its body; RR2 follows the same principle, though it was tied to the overall “time” (i.e., turns) the Sinners took.

Now, since the “past” is “accumulated”, asking where it’s stored is a natural question, and the Logs, the MD Encounter and the mid-combat Event give an obvious answer: Steam Machine’s past is 100% literally gathered in the nixie tubes (incorrectly called “vacuum tube” by Don) in its body. In fact, reducing the number shown by the tubes allows the Abnormality to return to a previous, less damaged state, as seen in its “Returning Past” passive. You can compare it to save scumming in a way.

Accumulated Past is so important for Steam Machine that it literally affects every other part of its kit, including its Poise or, as stated by Don in the Observation Logs, steam generation… or it should in theory.

While Don seems to be pretty sure about the relationship, there’s no gameplay element that reflects such a relation. The closest thing to it are how some of its skills do more damage based on the Machine’s Accumulated Past, and its RR2 exclusive passive, “Overlapping Past”, which grants it 1 Attack Power Up for every 80 Accumulated Past. It’s possible to make the connection between “more steam means more skills used, and more skills used means more turns”, but I don’t think the Logs referred to that…

At any rate, “Overlapping Past” is a curious name, because it implies that Steam Machine is somehow overlapping (duh) its past states within its current one to achieve greater strength in every attack. Something equally interesting happens with its other passive, “Metronome”, named for the instrument used to set a regular tempo by musicians and dancers to help maintain the rhythm in their work, which means the Steam Machine’s Accumulated Past helps it to set the “speed” of the fight, explaining the defenses and attack modifiers acquired through the tube’s numbers.

All of that clearly shows the Accumulated Past is not some sort of abstraction or symbol for something else; it’s an essential part of the Abnormality. Its past is a tangible reality to which it can not only return, but also clearly manifest in the present, and that ultimately controls it. In fact, one may say that the past is the thing that makes up Steam Machine’s own existence, as shown with the story presented through its skill set.

Beginning with the two “oldest” skills as indicated by their names, “853” and “5384”, these are Sloth-based and thus indicate the mindset the Machine had “back there”: a complete lack of zeal for its “work”, mindlessly carrying luggage without any deeper consideration about its existence. Such a state is as soulless and robotic as you get… or maybe not. Maybe that is its soul, its entire being from which its very own sense of self and thus pride grew as defenses against its meaninglessness, as shown with the Pride skills, “6463” and “6753”.

“A purposeless machine is bound to lose the meaning of its existence, even if it is functional.” - Abnormality Encounter

But it doesn’t matter how many swords are used to defend one’s ego, everything inevitably has to change, especially within Steam Machine’s absurd lifespan. Thus, when confronted with that truth, what can it do besides raging against the world, as “6475384” demonstrates? It’s unknown if it was betrayed, abandoned or something along those lines, but its hatred is a real and dangerous thing; we all know the horrifying things people and even we can do in order to make our lives feel meaningful (again).

And finally, at the end lies “974569A”, the only possible destination a being that refuses to change can arrive at: envy for all those who can move beyond a monotonous existence, finding meaning within their selves that change with every step of their journeys. For the first time, the Machine finds itself broken in a way its ability can’t erase, for it has gone through an untold quantity of time trying to hold onto the only thing it has through reliving its past, all the while ignoring that single, insulting fact.

This understanding is reflected in its Sin resistances too, especially to Sloth since it’s touched upon when you choose “order it to do nothing” during its Encounter: because it was made with the purpose of carrying things and do work in general, Steam Machine will simply blow up when confronted against a situation in which it can’t do anything, unable to fulfill its only purpose. That’s to say, the Machine won’t give up on its meaning and core essence by any means, despite its own affinity for inertia and refusal to change, which in turn explains its resistance to both Pride and Gloom—it’s too stubborn and bitter to question its ways, let alone be distracted by the despair of losing its meaning.

Steam Machine will keep doing the same, over and over again, for all eternity. And you, the Player, are the only one who can free it from its self-created cycle.

“It was working ceaselessly. The machine has never stopped working since its pressurized, scalding hot steam turned its first gears. We must break the cycle in which it has long been trapped to continue on our path.” - Dante, Station #2: Servitude, Refraction Railway Line 2.

However, during its Encounter, you are also free to perpetuate it through your own indolence and needs.

“Machines exist for a purpose. You feel like you should give it an order.” - Abnormality Encounter.

That’s the reason behind the Sloth and Gluttony advantages in the “order it to carry luggage” choice, and why Steam Machine kind of “turns off” in case you fail the check: the order lacked a purpose, an actual need behind it. But that leaves the Envy advantage unexplained, because what does a Sinner’s envy has to do with the purpose of an order? The only answer I can come up with is that the advantage reflects a twisted desire to maintain the cycle out of fear the Machine might one day break it, to bring it down along with the chosen Sinner. And considering how susceptible and weak the Abnormality is to Envy, it’s plausible.

But if you, ignoring and tempering your own fears and necessities, decide to help it through destroying the cycle in which it trapped itself, there’s only one thing you must do: to break its nixie tubes. Only there, with its past misplaced and lost, out of the shadow of what happened, Steam Machine can truly begin to live in the present, unbounded by the refusal to let go of its past, creating its own life instead of endlessly repeating all it has done.

Maybe that’s why its mid-combat Event has a Gloom advantage, for it’s hard to suppress that desire to act as if nothing has changed. It’s a path full of despair and anxiety that most people fear. Nonetheless, you must walk towards the future and live in the now, because when you take the first, second, third step forward, you will realize it.

Changing isn’t as painful as you think it is.

Note: For those who still haven’t noticed it, all of the enemy debuffs during RR2 are inspired by the non-history Abnos + Fairy duo. In Steam Transport Machine’s case, the buff corresponds to “Hardening”, with the icon literally being the nixie tubes.

Umbrellas of Love

“There is no way to know why the fox remained buried under the umbrellas, but perhaps removing them all will inspire it to move to a different spot. The fox gently holds the old and worn umbrella in its mouth and yips at us, as though it did not want us to take it away.” - Abnormality Encounter.

Driftig Fox is an interesting Abnormality, because I believe is the only who has an excerpt of the Lobotomy Corp.’s original documents, and four different iterations of its EGO: Sunshower Yi Sang, Sunshower Outis, Lobotomy EGO Heathcliff, and Lobotomy EGO Dongbaek. It has a lot of material to analyze, to the point I really don’t know where to begin… So I think its overall kit is a good place to start.

Unlike the previous two Abnormalities, the Fox lacks any gimmicky status, making its fight quite straightforward. The closest thing to Talismans and Accumulated Past is its Gloom skill, “Cries Seeking Something”, that normally allows it to summon Old Umbrellas, which in turn have access to a single Gloom skill that inflicts both Rupture and Sinking. In RR2, the end result is the same despite the differences in mechanics.

From this, we can obviously deduce that hopelessness, despair, and the like are the core part of its existence, with even its defense skill, “Waiting”, reducing the Sinners’ SP through pity alone (apparently). That much is obvious, mentioned even by the Logs.

“In particular... it sometimes does nothing and waits, but the attack that comes after was especially powerful. ...Huh. The fox... sometimes cries. Looking at the sky, howling for long... as if it's laying bare some kind of sorrow into the sky.” - Sinclair, Abnormality’s Observation Log #2.

But that’s not all, because, just as the effect of its skill shows, the Fox focuses on its survival too. The RR2 version of the skill demonstrates it better, since it gives it the special status “Protection Umbrellas”, which grants it Protection scaling with the former’s quantity; that’s to say, the Old Umbrellas are meant to shield the Fox from the rain, apparently lodging into its body as answer to its cry. The normal version lacks the mechanic and directly summons the Umbrellas, though the overall meaning is kept the same.

This desperate desire for survival is represented by its two Gluttony skills, “Sorrowful Recoil” and “Sorrowful Torrent”, used only by its umbrella-perforated body: even if they are painful and make contact with others unbearable, causing it to recoil, the Fox “gladly” accepts such mutilations in order to survive. This behavior is reflected perfectly in the excerpt I quoted under the image, from the “take the gathered umbrellas” option, and in a couple of battle mechanics:

Its passive, “Last Struggle”, causes the Abnormality to desperately call for help every turn when it’s on its last legs (less than 15% HP), getting weaker and slower every turn. Naturally, those who answer will do everything they can to protect it (Umbrellas with 30% more HP).

Based on the name and effects, the Umbrellas’ “Scattering Sorrow” skill seems to represent how they try to perforate the Sinners and deflect the rain towards them, despite how tattered they are.

It doesn’t matter if one likes it or not, the Old Umbrellas are the only “shield” the Fox has and knows, and they will try their best to protect it… which makes Sinclair’s conclusion in the Logs much more horrifying.

“I, I see where it's coming from. We have to take away the worn umbrellas on that poor child, and embrace it ourselves. We-” - Sinclair, Abnormality’s Observation Log #3.

At first glance, it sounds perfectly fine and sensible, repeating the information given by the fragment of L Corp.’s document in Dongbaek’s Log. However, we know that Sinclair felt bad for destroying the Fox’s umbrellas (for a reason) thanks to the second log, and that removing them as well would have caused the Fox greater pain, as seen in many parts:

Its “Broken Umbrella” passive grants it 3 Fragile every turn once its umbrella-filled body is broken (during a normal fight; the RR2 version was modified to be harder I believe).

The Umbrellas actively hurt the Fox through applying “Umbrella Splinters” once they are destroyed. This happens with Sunshower Dongbaek too, but through degrading her mind with Sinking instead of applying Rupture to her body.

In the RR2 version, two unique Glooms counters were added to its kit, “Volatile Response” for the body and “Volatile Reaction” for the head. Taking into account their names, the Thorns they grant on use, and the previous mechanics, it’s quite obvious what they represent.

And finally, there’s the “pull out the umbrellas” option in the Encounter

“Those umbrellas seem to be causing it pain. When you pull them out with force, bits of its flesh come off with them. The fox yelped sharply and gave us a glare. Then, it smacked you with the umbrella in its mouth. It seemed to reprimand your attitude of pursuing resolution without forethought.” - Abnormality Encounter.

It’s quite telling that Heathcliff—the one who has the Identity with the Sunshower Lobotomy EGO—was the one that snapped (somewhat literally) Sinclair out of his “panic” state

Don’t misunderstand, though. There's no doubt about how the umbrellas harm and bring pain to the Fox, but living in such a state is much more preferable for it than being in pain and exposed to the rain simultaneously. In fact, this paradoxical, self-destructive drive to survive is also seen in Dongbaek’s kit—with two of her skills aptly named “Self-defense” and “Sink It All”—and Outis’ Sunshower, which, beyond her Gluttony affinity, has an interesting contrast between the Awakening and Corrosion voicelines

“I don't need... any pointless attention!” - Outis (Sunshower), EGO Awakening.

“Don't—leave me this time…” - Outis (Sunshower), EGO Corrosion.

I normally don’t do this, since EGOs are better reserved for a character analysis. But I’m going to do an exception for this version of Sunshower due to how well it translates the Fox’s ambivalence regarding the “affection” given by people: at its best, the Abnormality knows that the people called by its cry will only hurt it, notwithstanding their good intentions; at its worst, it accepts any and all attention without care of the resulting pain, as long as it can take refuge from the rain, however small it is.

At the end, it doesn’t matter how many people come to its help, Drifting Fox will forever remain out in the open, constantly assaulted by the rain as it wanders in dark and damp alleyways, for the umbrellas are too old and worn to be of any help. That’s why it will always be hungry for more, too scared and distrustful of people to not allow itself to be touched and thus satiated, explaining both its affinity and weakness to Gloom and Gluttony.

… But there’s something else regarding the Fox, something that doesn’t fit with its perpetual hunger for a place to rest: why does it keep on crying for help instead of just moving out of the rain? Why does it insist on roaming the darkest, most humiliating places? Those questions were implied in the first quote of this section (again), and then by the two Lobotomy EGO versions.

“Look. See how she is helplessly caught in the falling rain. She must have no intention of avoiding it. She is simply showering herself and all others in the rain…” - Yi Sang, Dogbaek’s Observation Log.

“But… When I'm done, the chill reminds me that I'm alone. I go back to wandering damp, dark alleys… Now I can hardly sleep anywhere else.” - Heathcliff, Lobotomy EGO Uptie Story.

Due to their circumstances in which they are, both Dongbaek and TLA Heathcliff are stubborn individuals trying to bring great changes to the City, with the latter even planning to “go back [somewhere] with pride” after creating a world without technology—to keep enjoying life. Yet, in the following quotes he states that he has no friends left and rejects all sources of possible comfort, sleeping in the cold streets, akin to how Dongbaek lets herself exposed to the rain without care.

What I’m implying here is that the Fox ultimately doesn’t care about stopping its suffering once and for all. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t know better, or because it finds comfort in the pain; there’s no way for us to know. Even so, it keeps on crying out loud for people as it refuses to move on from the circumstances in which it as abandoned, as seen with its RR2 exclusive passive “Vain Heart”, the source of the Protection Umbrella status and that which allows it to summon Old Umbrellas through its defense skill—through Waiting.

This unwillingness to change and simply move on is the last thing that characterizes Drifting Fox, as seen with Lobotomy EGO Heathcliff’s third skill and Sunshower Yi Sang, with their Sloth affinity. Naturally, it’s also reflected on the remaining skills of the Abnormality, all of them being Sloth-based except for the (RR2 exclusive) Gloom skill, “Pleading Cries”, though the name does fit with the Fox’s “vanity”… or better said, its pity-inducing nature.

That’s why all the Sloth skills inflict Sinking, for they are representations of the dangerous notion that one day the Fox is going to receive what it truly wants if it remains on such poor conditions, instead of more unwanted attention. Its last passive, “Ragged Umbrella”, lends the most on such “tactic”, allowing it to inflict more Sinking once the umbrella in its mouth (i.e., its head) is broken and rendered “useless”.

However, nothing really suggests that Drifting Fox is deliberately manipulating people. By definition it can’t due to its fully animalistic nature. If there’s someone to blame, it would be the people that are unable to stand the sight of ugly and miserable things tainting their day, just like when it rains during sunny days. Nevertheless, such events happen, and the solution isn’t simply to lash out against that ugliness without forethought (likely explaining its Wrath resistance), but to simply celebrate it—to share the love during the “wedding of the fox”.

“Its growl recedes. You stroke it once more, and it closes its eyes, pleased. You stroke it once more, and it settles on the ground, comforted. You stroke it once more, and it shrinks to become a statue.” - Abnormality Encounter.

When it finally finds what it wants, the Fox can rest in peace knowing it’s in good hands. That’s the reason behind the Lust advantage of the “pet the fox” option, with the Sloth advantage being its total opposite—utter apathy and indifference for its surroundings and appearance, lacking any judgment or reaction. The Pride advantage is similar to the Lust one, though much more self-centered for obvious reasons; less sensual and warm, but more confident in a way.

Now, beyond trying to comfort it, there’s also another method to confront the Abnormality, shown with the mid-combat Event, where the chosen Sinner is sent to approach the Fox and its Umbrellas. Since it has Gloom advantage, it’s easy to see how the identities who are most familiar with despair and pain are able to reach the epiphany the Fox lacks easier than any other: that its cries and thus the umbrellas are ultimately unneeded. That revelation is so shocking that it even causes the Old Umbrellas to lose 30% of their HP, representing their loss of meaning.

“The umbrellas look like they've been standing there for Wings know how long trying to protect the fox, but it certainly doesn't seem like they're doing a good job at it.” - Mid-Combat Event.

Although, things are a little more complicated than just “waiting for the rain to stop”, since the Fox is already waiting, isn't it? In fact, that mentality is its main problem, and what led Yi Sang to not do anything when Dongrang began to doubt himself.

“Some considered the assemblage to be mere noise… While some considered the commotion to be growth. As for me… I saw it slantwise as always. As heavy rain might pour for days after a spell of clear skies… I saw no meaning in attempting to fathom the caprices of the weather. Yi Sang: I would simply wait for things to calm, looking out for the day’s arrival.” - Rowdy League of Nine Littérateurs, Canto IV.

And we can’t forget K Corp. eagerly “awaiting” for the Tearful Thing to cry, nor the bitter conclusion of Dongrang right before the Fox’s battle, about how there was no need for him to do anything thanks to K Corp.’s ampules.

Waiting for the end of things you can’t change is good and all, but sometimes doing nothing can actively worsen things. So even if you can’t do much, you still must stand up and brace yourself to fight against misery, unless you want it to consume and rust you like it does with the “little world” that surrounds you.

“I ran off and roamed the Backstreets like a thrown away umbrella until they took me in…” - Heathcliff, Lobotomy EGO Uptie Story.

“We know, however, that the umbrellas piercing its body are not there for the rain. For the fox has not once opened them for itself.” - Dante, Station #3: Rainfall, Refraction Railway Line 2.

And naturally, what better way to confront the rain than through sharing an umbrella~?

Devouring Lives

“The fairy's smile stretches into an eerie grin. The strangeness didn't need to be pointed out for everyone to share the same sentiment. Even though we knew we shouldn't trust things by the looks, we still fell for it. We'll have to pay the price for it.” - Abnormality Encounter.

Everyone should know what kind of being are fairies within the British Isles’ folklore by now. It’s one of “curiosities you must know” repeated ad nauseam in every article, video or media that deals with them in any capacity, no matter how bare-bones the actual explanation is. Thus, there’s no need for me to explain in-depth those aspects, especially when you consider all the other fairy-related Abnormalities that Project Moon has created.

So to begin, Faelatern isn’t really that connected to Midsummer Night’s Dream beyond its tricky behavior, despite what the name of its first EGO gift, “Midwinter Nightmare”, may suggest. There’s a complete lack of commentaries regarding the play’s main theme, the fickleness and irony of love (or Lust, in Limbus), which seems to have been replaced by the predatoriness of the “fairy” itself, cunningly acting upon its gluttony instead of… any other goal, really.

However, a parallel with a certain character of the story can still be drawn: Puck, the servant of the fairy king Oberon. This is not solely due to his role as the one who charms and tricks the human characters of the play and queen Titania herself, but also thanks to one of his folkloric sources, the celtic púca/pwca/pooka.

The legends of the púca, as most stories, are varied, but they mostly focus on the fairy’s penchant to trick (mostly drunk) people during the night, shapeshifting into diverse animals to offer them a ride to their homes… just to lead them anywhere but there. Still, there’s a particular version I think is important to the Abnormality, the one that came from “British Goblins: Welsh Folklore, Fairy Mythology, Legends and Traditions” by Wirt Sikes:

“Pwca, or Pooka, is but another name for the Ellylldan, as our Puck is another name for the Will-o’-wisp; but in both cases the shorter term has a more poetic flavour and a wider latitude. [...] This form presents a peasant who is returning home from his work, or from a fair, when he sees a light travelling before him. Looking closer he perceives that it is carried by a dusky little figure, holding a lantern candle at arm’s length over its head. He follows it for several miles, and suddenly finds himself on the brink of a frightful precipice. From far down below there rises to his ears to his ears the sound of a foaming torrent. At the same time the little goblin with the lantern springs across the chasm, alighting on the opposite side; raises the light again high over its head, utters a loud and malicious laugh, blows out its candle and disappears up the opposite hill, leaving the awestruck peasant to get home as best he can.”

As far as I know, the equalization between the púca and the will-o’-wisp isn’t common, but it kinda fits at the end: both entities (commonly) lead astray people that decide to accept their help/follow them. One can even say the play supports this, with Puck claiming that he can appear like “fire” as he leads people through “bogs, bushes, brakes, and briers” during the third act, despite the more well-known domestic nature of the hobgoblin—an aspect that is present at some level in Faelatern’s illusion.

In more than one sense the Abnormality is a distorted mirror of the three fairies: while the púca, the will-o’-wisp and the puck/hobgoblin act during the night, either through helping people or causing (relatively speaking) harmless scares, Faelantern presents itself during the day as a homely and mysterious light that promises rest to people, with its true nature as a voracious abyss lying underneath the “fairy fire”.

If the púca/puck causes all sorts of pranks and tricks that, as the literary Puck said, are no different from dreams, then Faelatern is a nightmare that begins with a hypnotizing beauty whose true nature will soon be learned and never forgotten.

… And yeah, that’s the possible inspiration behind this Abnormality, and the hard part to analyze. The rest of it, like its skills and game mechanic, are quite self-explanatory:

“Snagged Lure”, “Burrowing Roots” and “Encroaching Stems” are all Gluttony skills to represent how survival-driven Faelantern is.

“Expanding Roots” is Sloth-based thanks to its Modus Operandi, resting and waiting in a single place until a prey appears.

The “Leading Lure”, “Evolving Lure” and “Charmed” passives explain how it works, continuously trying to “improve” its Fairy Lure to catch more people.

The “Broken Stump” reinforces the Gluttony affinity, with the Abnormality focusing on stealing the nutrients so it can (apparently) restore its broken body.

Lastly, and as curiosity, the “Fairy Dust” passive is an obvious reference to another fairy, Tinker Bell. But where her dust allows people to fly, Faelantern’s dust only makes them faster and more agile (i.e., Poise).

The only part of its kit that requires a higher level of interpretation is the passive and Pride skill that share the name, “Uncovered Abyss”. In tandem, the two elements likely point that, whatever higher thinking the Abnormality has, it’s more preoccupied with a self-absorbed appreciation of itself as an “abyss” that devours everything in the forest than with meaningfully improving its hunting tactics.

Another element that requires further analysis is, obviously, its weaknesses. While Faelantern’s resistances to Gluttony and Gloom should be obvious, being a monster that fully accepts its hunger and that genuinely doesn’t care about anything else, it being weak to Pride and Lust likely derive from how those dispositions can interfere with the Abnormality’s behavior: a pride that sees the Fairy’s “gift” as useless or irrelevant from the get-go, or maybe messing with its (lack of) love in a no so dissimilar way to Midsummer’s Puck.

And finally, there’s the mid-combat Event with Sloth advantage, implying that one needs to be “guided” by the Lure without question or care to destroy it along with the question given: Who will answer the bait?

I like to think that part shows the underlying meaning of the Abnormality, how it’s a symbol for an all-devouring thing that conceals itself through charm and light. It may be a person, an organization, or even an ideology; it doesn’t matter, because all it smokes and mirrors, a trick, a sick and twisted hoax. Faelantern doesn’t care about anything else but to satisfy the gaping hole of its “stomach”, unlike, say, Siltcurrent and Skin Prophet, who completely believe their own delusions.

You should always take care when you walk the (dark) forest of life, for no matter how bright it may be, disguised predators are bound to appear.

Note: Following the pattern I mentioned in Steam Machine’s section, Faelantern’s buff corresponds to “Inhaling”. The symbol likely represents the Abnormality’s stump/branches forming into a mouth to “steal nutrients”, which is also seen in its EGOs’ healing (beyond its own passives, of course).

Post-Commentary

This time I bring the first four Abnormalities of RR2. I began to write about them a couple of weeks after I finished the RR3 post, before RR4. However, since I only have one of the Abnormalities for the next part done (Shock Centipede), the second post will take some more time. Not much though, considering Wayward Passenger and Sign of Roses are on the easier side to analyze.

Anyway, in regards to some other thoughts I had while writing… I already commented how Steam Machine and Portrait of a Certain Day are similar on how they represent the weight of the past. The difference falls, I suppose, in that one is born out of love and nostalgia, while the other out of fear—Steam Machina lives to work, unable and fearful to imagine any other life beyond what it has done from its birth.

Another thing I wish to note is about Faelantern, since while I’m pretty sure about its meaning, it’s not so in the folkloric inspiration. In the first place I searched about the Will-o’-Wisp since the Lure acted like one in a way, and I found (in wikipedia, naturally) that the púca may be related to it. I lost a couple of days watching videos about it xD I wonder if Fairy Gentleman and Long-Legs will have a similar inspiration…

And since we are speaking about a “fairy”, I think it is funny that Drifting Fox is a trauma-related Abnormality and not a fairy-tale one, despite its EGO name’s origin. So instead of focusing on any folkloric element, I tried to see the meaning behind the colloquial names of sunshowers: the devil beating his wife (or doing anything undevil), or an animal’s wedding. I ultimately reached the conclusion it was because, just like animals or the devil don’t actually get wedded, there shouldn’t be a rain during a sunny day. It’s something that doesn't make sense.

#limbus company #refraction railway 2 #abnormalities #So That No One Will Cry #Steam Transport Machine #Drifting Fox #Faelantern

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armoredtitanmistress · 1 year ago

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𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro| friendships

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: an unlikely pair form a friendship, sort of.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, Toji is enough of a warning, suggestive talks, strangers to friends, angst, fluff.

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To anyone wondering if that interaction stopped Toji from continuing the following game he had started with you, I hope that the image of Toji Zenin trailing behind you as you escape to your garden during the next social event six months later is sufficient as an answer.

He watched your white hair try little to fight the wind as it swayed against your kimono with each step you took. He observed as you made no effort to stop his advances to get closer to you. As he had done in previous years, he began testing the waters to see how close he could get to you until you stopped him. Since that last interaction, Toji was now aware that you’ve known of his habit but even then you didn’t voice your concerns.

In the mind of Toji Zenin, you didn’t view him as a threat. That notion irked him to no end. It was widely known that Toji was a disgrace to the Zenin name with no cursed energy to even redeem the surname. It wasn’t information that was strictly reserved to the clan as with any other clan, the fuck ups need to be acknowledged to spot who to mistreat at functions like these.

“For a future clan leader, you are uncharacteristically okay with being defenseless.” Toji mocked as he continued to walk tread behind your figure. You knew little to nothing of the man but you had a feeling that he had a smirk etched alongside his scarred lip.

“You’re talking?” You huff out a laugh and don’t make an effort to raise your guard before continuing. “I’m not a liar, Zenin. What I said that day was true. I consider you a friend. Why would I need to defend myself?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard of my feats. Surely, that should raise some alarm for your safety.” The feats in question were all the sorcerers he has killed in the past 3 months. The man had been undermined by his lack of cursed energy his whole life. Only a select few had acknowledged his potential. That niche collective pertains to the people who employed him. He was now trying to uncover which category you would slot into.

“All bad things, of course. You have quite the reputation, Zenin.” You affirm his claims, searching your mind for more adjectives that have been used. It was a hot topic of discussion during the monthly elder’s meeting; Toji Zenin defected from the clan and Jujutsu society to become a mercenary: The Sorcerer Killer.

“You’re not here to kill me, are you? Friends usually don’t do that.”

“Friends also usually know each other’s name. How about you try saying mine, doll.”

“Doll? We’ve already gotten to the nickname stage? Should I make one for you?” Though he couldn’t see it he heard the lilt in your voice and could imagine your eyebrow raised in amusement.

“Gotta say my name. Maybe then I’ll consider it.”

Plopping yourself in the same spot as last time, you face him, and your lips slightly parted. It was the first time you’ve seen him fully. His appearance aligned with his lineage, the stark black hair and probing/emotionless green eyes. However, he looked nothing like his older brother Jinichi, who was an unruly man that you’ve had the displeasure of meeting on multiple occasions. The only attributes that could categorize him alongside his older brother were the scar on his lip, the fresh wound on his cheek, and his body. If there was a word that surpassed well-built then Toji’s body was that. It was hard to discern with the baggy black sweatshirt and sweatpant set he wore but based on the muscles that peaked through the opening of the neckline, you don’t believe your assumptions to be baseless. Alongside that, he had to have been either the same age as you or older than you by a year at most.

You let your eyes fall in line with his, “Toji.” He enjoyed how you said his name. “Your name is Toji, right.”

“I guess we are friends.” He huffed and followed your gaze. There you went again looking at the stars. He would never understand your fixation with them. Perhaps because all his life he had been described as anything but that.

“So does that mean I can give you a nickname?”

He shook his head and chuckled, “Keep dreaming, doll.”

You let out a breath of disappointment before carrying out your usual routine of staring at the stars. The stars on duty tonight were far less than usual. You wondered what caused the shortage. Maybe some were stationed at another stretch of the hemisphere and were stationed to add an illuminating mystical ambiance to a pair of freshly weds the night of their honeymoon. You pitied the ones that shined dimly over you both. They were stuck overlooking a mercenary and a glorified puppet interacting for the first time.

“You have a Heavenly Restriction, right?” You asked. “You were either limited or granted improvements in exchange for being born without cursed energy. What category do you fall into?”

The gamble when someone is given a Heavenly Restriction is 50/50. Some are left impaired while others are given improvements to their physical capabilities. This was what you had learned at Jujutsu Tech but you had never met anyone who possessed it.

He rolls his eyes and the scar moved in unison with his lips. “I saw you checking me out earlier. Take a wild guess.”

“Clarification wouldn’t hurt.” If he hadn’t been staring at you, he could have guessed that his words didn’t affect you. However, he could vaguely see the apples of your cheeks turning a faint red peeking through the parts of your hair that weren't actively in your shielding your face.

A majority of your life had been confined to the Gojo compound. The sliver of time where you weren’t there was at Jujutsu Tech and the other students there were hardly anything to gawk at. Even at social events like the one you were escaping from, all the men looked the same. Average height, average build, below-average face, and infant-level intelligence. It’s safe to say that Toji was nothing like that.

In addition to all the men looking the same, they also all looked at you the same, a piece of meat that would be best served on their bed. The man beside you held that same expression when he looked at you. It was an expression that was so natural for him that you wanted to believe that it was second nature for him. You don’t think you would mind if it was reserved just for you.

In layman’s terms, you found Toji Zenin unfathomably attractive.

“Oh, is the heir of the Gojo clan blushing? What a lucky day.” He teased as he moved his body to be facing you. “The rumors surrounding you were wrong. You seem to be far more expressive than they make you out to be. At least with me, you are. Is there any reason for that, doll?”

A womanizer, you thought to yourself. This man had to be a womanizer with how seamlessly he could convert an unsuspecting conversation into a suggestive one. He certainly had the looks and personality to become one if he wasn’t one already.

“Do you want them to be true?” You challenge blatantly ignoring his other question, setting aside the brief embarrassment as you cast a gaze through your peripheral at the man.

“Nah.” He shrugs as he replies. “You’d just remind me of that pain in the ass Naobito and that’s not what I come here for.” He had heard his clan describe you as a woman of few words with a silence that makes up for them. It was hard to picture as you have been anything but that with just this interaction as his evidence.

“So what did you come here for?” You asked the questions that have been circulating in your mind for years. “Why did you start coming here? This isn’t a place that many people can find. So how did you find it?”

The garden as previously described was deserted before you found it. No one knew of this haven besides you and Satoru. It was hidden further out of the Gojo compound and you could make the argument that it was outside the Gojo compound boundary.

You truly did not beat around the bush, “You curious? The answer is gonna disappoint you.”

“I don’t have any expectations on what the answer could be so go ahead. I can assure you the reason as to why I’ve allowed you to follow me here will also disappoint you.” Your voice was relaxed but the way you formulated your sentences remained formal. Even in the way you sat; posture upright, hands placed neatly in the space between your legs, and eyes permeating through his soul.

He racks his mind looking for a choice of wording as he props his head with his knuckles while his elbow is nuzzled into his knee supporting his position, “I dunno. You looked interesting and I followed. Nothing more to it than that.” He was never good with words.

As he said before, he expected some form of disappointment to show on your face but as you did so well you did the opposite. For the first time, you smiled at him. Well, if it could even be considered that. He would describe it as quaint and faint. It was discernible to know that it wasn’t shown often as it felt foreign to see on your face but he didn’t seem to mind it. “That makes me feel better about my reasoning.”

Tucking your knees into your chest as you laid your head upon them, you confessed, “I noticed you the first time you started following me here. I thought you would approach me but you never did. I’m not one to start a conversation either so I didn’t make much of an effort to approach you either. It would’ve stayed like that if Satoru hadn’t noticed you that day.”

“You were just going to continue to let me watch you? Is that some sort of kink for you? Think they call that being an exhibitionist.” This man watched as visually recoiled at his words and sent him a pointed look.

“And wouldn’t that make you a voyeur?” Those three years at Jujutsu Tech were very informative. All thanks to Yuki Tsukumo, a failed mission of yours is how you would categorize her. She was supposed to be the Star Plasma Vessel for Tengen but somehow between the beginning of the mission and taking her to Tengen’s barrier you decided to offer her a second chance at life. The downside would be she had to become a student at Jujutsu Tech and become a sorcerer for the duration of her time as a student. Due to that act of kindness that nearly stripped you of your place within your clan, Yuki made it her mission to expose you to life beyond the strobe of Jujutsu society: underage drinking, clubbing, blind dates, and adult content that came in all forms. Anything that could leave the elders of the clan in a catatonic state if they ever heard of it.

“Look at that, we're the perfect match. We should test that compatibility of ours out one of these days” Toji thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he was able to unlock multiple expressions/emotions from you. In each passing moment, he felt the need to up the ante to see how far he could go before you would consider him to be crossing your boundary.

You were none the wiser. Under other settings, there would be an obvious power imbalance between the two of you. You, who was put on a pedestal within the Jujutsu world, and then Toji, who was degraded for his lack of curse energy. However, the power imbalance between the two of you now was different.

When you turned your face to offer a retort you were greeted with his face only a few inches away from yours. You don’t know when or how or if you were distracted by the conversation but at some point he had reached you. His eyes glided over your face and inspected every detail of it: your eyes that followed his own, your nose that was twitching in confusion, cheeks that still had leftover red, and your glossy lips. You noticed they stayed focused on your lips longer and he noticed that he had made a bad habit of doing that.

Momentarily you allowed yourself to wonder what it would feel like to let him close the gap but didn’t let it linger for too long. You instead focused on the fresh wound on his cheek that you had noticed earlier. It was merely a cut but it bothered you. Lifting your finger to touch the wound, leaving the man's eyes no choice but to deviate from your lips and follow your fingers.

“You’re a careless man.” is all you say as you begin to use the reversed cursed technique to heal the minor wound. It was completely unnecessary on your part. A bandaid would’ve worked just as well. It could have been a fluke but you felt compelled to help him.

Your hands were rough due to years of strenuous training yet they held a sort of gentleness alongside it. You felt his green eyes watching you closely but didn’t let them affect you as they had previously. At least that’s what you wanted to believe. Tapping gently along the cut, you say, “I would ask where you got it from but since you haven’t answered my last question I won’t even try.”

“Tough day at work.” Toji wasn’t going to verbally tell you that he had just killed a man even if it was now common knowledge that his trade of work wasn’t formidable. You didn’t ask further questions upon that answer. You could see the curse residuals in the cut, the hint of blood in his smell, and the faint imprints of dried-up sweat on his skin. He knew you knew what he had done and there was nothing that you could do but silently acknowledge it.

“You’re letting me tread very close to you, doll. Wonder how close you’ll let me get next time.” He teased as you felt his breath graze your lips. The proximity between the two of you felt far too intimate.

You shook your head, removing your finger from his cheek briefly before trying to place it in the same position while activating Infinity. It would be the first time you had activated it throughout this entire interaction. Visually your finger looked as if it was touching his cheek but physically the man could feel the absence. Smirking slightly at the man, you affirm, “I wouldn’t get my hopes up. That was the last time.”

A friendship between two liars, the perfect match.

#toji zenin #toji x y/n #toji x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji x you #jjk toji #fanfic #fandom #anime #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #fluff #toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji #jjk anime

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gege-wondering-around · 8 months ago

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Why Derek has the best 'Alpha arc'

Basing this on the show and the movie too Derek had been all the 'types' of werewolves, going through at least once all the eyes colors.

Yellow: is the base color werewolves get when they are first turned or when they are born

Blue: after he 'accidentally' kills Paige in his teenage years after trying to turn her into a werewolf

Red: after he kills Peter and steal the power from him to avenge Laura who had been killed by Peter to get the Alpha status

Blue: he loses the alpha status after he heals his sister Cora form a mistletoe poisoning (he takes so much of her pain that not even the Alpha strenght can keep up and 'dissapears' in order to save Derek's own life since if they take too much pain from others they could die)

Yellow: when kate de-aged him and he was left with his eyes from before he met Paige, but he slowly regain his blue

Evolved omega: altho his eyes don't change colors he can now fully tunr into a wolf

Red: during the movie in the last scene, when Parrish burn him and the nogitsune he turns into a True Alpha

Derek went from your typical bad guy that wants revenge, power and blood to your tough gentle guy who is very wise and considerate of others.

He started off as probably one of the worst Alpha on the show and became one even for the wrong or worst reasons:

He went around biting teens to build himself a pack to help him fight the Alpha pack and two of the three he bite ended up death (yet he still care for them all but his way of teaching them their 'new nature' wasn't the best and despite it was the only way he knew he could've done something more, but since they are his betas he inevitably cares about them and from a simple pack bond it becomes something more personal, cause in the end he cared for them for who they were and loved them for just being themselves)

He killed his uncle to gain the Alpha status for getting revenge and to fulfill his greed for power (that he thought maybe could help him heal or feel fine again but it never happened)

He put others in danger to achive what he wanted (like when he got Scott and Stiles to help him kill/hunt Peter)

But from being this big crappy man he lost his powers - that he literally made a bloody bath to get - to save his sister, to save the little family he had left.

He started to understand more the people he had around and who they were, he started to care for them genuinely. He was worried sick for Stiles bein possessed, cared for his betas (whoever was left) and had more interest in ensuring his friends' safety. His FRIENDS!

He started to see people - Scott, Stiles and the others - as his friends and not someone that would eventually betray or use him and that somehow cared for him too - even if most of the time he was thrown around like a fighting doll.

And then he remained an omega and evolved into a wolf, an actual wolf and saved the day - generally speaking.

He went from 'I'm gonna kill you' to 'I care for you' which is a lot for a character like Derek. Someone who went through years of pain and sorrow, having almost no one at all to rely onto and left to deal with whatever Kate did to him and with the guilt of getting his family killed - which isn't is fault!

And then we got the movie:

He has a son, Eli, whom he loves and cares for throughout the entire movie and I'm sure he was a great dad, maybe a little strict and traditional-minded on a few things, but definitely a good and caring father

He almost get killed and when he's fine and the wound on his neck is sealed, he 'dies' protecting his son - or better to say, stepping in the way of a sword

He helps the Sheriff with cases when at the beginning he was one of the few who wanted Derek in a prison - whether supernatural or a simple prison cell

Ans then, at the end, he sacrifice himself to save everyone and gets burned alive which turns him into a TRUE ALPHA!

This whole build up of events, of development and changes, going from bad to good, from a reckless and greedy man to someone one would look up to, a wise man who had seen enough and doesn't want others to live what he lived.

And like the Sheriff said

I have never seen anyone take the kind of punishment that Derek Hale took… And kept taking… In order to protect the people he loved.

He died burning alive, he died like his family did. Burned alive.

And this is worthy of a True Alpha. He sacrificed himself for everyone's sake and after his whole life was hell he wnet through with yet again another round of pain and tears. He had to leave his son alone to save him!

And he could've just let Scott get burned and stayed with his son but Derek was so selfless that he decided to take the burden upon himself once more.

Derek is the best Alpha in teen wolf - show and movie - and he's actually worth of being called a true alpha cause he earned it over and over and over again, he learned and become better, he healed and become a better person and leader. He earned his title as True Alpha.

Derek deserved, earned and is worthy of the True Alpha status and it costed him his life and his time with his son, and for what?

The people he saw as his family and he chose them above himself.

He did it for the people he loved.

#derek hale #teen wolf #sterek #stiles stilinksi #derek x stiles #derek is the best alpha #true alpha #noah stilinski #peter hale #the hale family #my thougts

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clxckwork-sun-n-moon · 2 months ago

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hey hi i've had this old forest gods thought and i need to bounce it off you bc. so the gods are Big and they roam the woods and especially moon is, given his habitat, likely to leave tracks - muddy earth and all that. so i cant help but imagine our dear photographer going out, perhaps looking for some scenic shots of the landscape, and finding giant ass tracks that do not belong to any creature they can identify. and they just stare. and behind them their friendly company in doll form just starts sweating. sun or moon or both together just having a squabble under their breaths about not revealing things too soon and definitely not scaring their best shot at winning their bet like this, meanwhile y/n is just trying to process whats in front of them and "huh, maybe those old legends about forest gods had some base in reality, but how much" and when they turn around to ask they get suspiciously innocent dolls doing his/their best to not let on they left those tracks you've drawn candid shots y/n took of their true forms but im just so curious about the transitional phase between "why are wooden dolls alive in this forest" and "ah yes my besties, sun and moon the forest gods, aka gremlin 1 and 2" and what hints y/n encountered hfdjsk

yeeeeaaaaa like. Sun has the upper hand (or foot) here because he can just will the forest to remove any trace of him left behind. people aren't finding the giant hoof-prints of his wanderings any time soon, unless he so wills it, and tbh he hasn't been in contact with humanity since the 1500s so it's very unlikely that he's willing it anytime soon (unless way way on in their relationship Y/N gives him big puppy eyes and says it'd make for a really cool photo). Eclipse also has an upper hand in that he can't leave tracks on the mountainside, and he only ventures close to town in doll form, so he's safe

Moon is permanently fucked, because even if he does put the effort into clearing his tracks, it's pretty clear something BIG just smeared a riverbank smooth (his tail). so it's probably not going to be uncommon for Y/N to be seeing a nice bank to take a photo of, only to see a reptilian hand print that's easily the size of their face in the mud. cue the "what the actual fuck is that" reaction

ironically, Sun is more likely than Moon to be frustrated/sweating over Y/N discovering the pair's nature too early. Moon is over on the edge of the forest with the smuggest aura behind his carved wooden grin as his brother is desperately trying to convince Y/N that it was probably a prank left behind by local kids to spook the newcomer in town.

the local townsfolk have long since gotten used to 'didn't see it' reactions to uncommon events, and will sometimes hide signs of the gods' presence themselves. stories take a long, long time to die off, and stories of the three gods still maintain enough respect to be acted on (and no-one wants too many out-of-towners coming in and making a fuss so if you saw something big in the river no the fuck you did not).

there are absolutely hidden-under-nonexistent breath squabbles that occur between Sun and Moon over Y/N finding out about their presence too fast - Sun doesn't want to scare them off too quickly, Moon thinks if they find out sooner rather than later then good for them, but more importantly Sun knows Moon doesn't care for hiding his trails so it's far more likely Y/N will connect the dots over Moon, at which point he's going to gain a lead in the 'game'. but Sun also thinks it's not good sport to reveal himself early just so he gets in before Moon, while Moon thinks it's stupid of Sun to go to so much effort in hiding himself when Y/N is clearly piecing things together about their 0 effort flower garden and perfect woodland walks whenever they go out with Sun.

at the end of the day, Y/N ends up discovering Sun first. the transition from 'weird funky dolls in the woods' to 'large gremlin besties' is a bit hazy, mostly because Y/N starts putting dots together with more research into the stories about the three gods without revealing the extent of their understanding to Sun and Moon (because those two get a bit strangely flustered whenever the three gods are mentioned). during all this research, they find a little ritual called 'Forgiveness of the Sun', and when they accidentally crush a flowering plant in their garden, they decide to go through with it. it's pretty much just bringing the dead plant into the woods and asking for the forest to forgive them for the accident, that it wasn't meant with bad intentions. and poor Sun gets so overwhelmed and excited that someone is doing one of his rituals for the first time in centuries, he comes rushing over and startles Y/N out of their shoes.

Moon cannot allow himself to be outshone so of course he takes the next available opportunity to reveal himself in the most dramatic and awe-inspiring way possible in his eyes (leaping over a bridge from the river to snap down on a thief and drag him back into the river).

Y/N is over here going through so many levels of "that was extremely intimidating to witness but I still feel safe in your company because I know you're my friend and wouldn't hurt me" leaving Sun and Moon both relieved that this didn't scare them away, but confused because surely it has to have done something to bring them closer. but they aren't feeling the romance blossoming.

they're gods, they're not smart.

#answered #old forest god au #Y/N is aromantic and the boys don't realise they love them already #we love to see it

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wrishwrosh · 10 months ago

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the vaster wilds has the typical goodreads problem of all the negative reviews just being “this book was gross and sad and nothing happened :((“ “the prose was stylized and hard to understand”” but as a gross sad stylized prose enjoyer these critiques do not get to the MEAT of all the evils herein present

- the problem of the enlightened protagonist, where a character who has nominally lived in the real historical past until the book begins and yet somehow manages to individually develop a 21st century twitter-educated perspective on colonialism, god, and nature. classic groffism nothing new

- remember that tweet about how hiking is a bourgeois affectation and indigenous people never hiked before colonization. imagine if that was the premise of an entire novel. written by somebody who went to amherst

- another classic groffism is taking a real historical figure about whom almost nothing is known and constructing a history for them that can’t technically be ruled out as impossible given the dearth of records but IS ahistorical, implausible, and kind of stupid while also making sure that the one thing that is concretely known about this person is weirdly and smugly deemphasized in the narrative. in this case the historical figure is “jane” the anonymous teenage girl whose remains were found at jamestown exhibiting signs of butchering. the cannibalism is treated as a twist ending which is dumb as hell and made the pacing insanely frustrating as this was obvious from the beginning to any true jamestownheads in the audience. also the cannibalism of a young woman seems like an obvious place of exploration for a novel nominally about the exigencies of subsistence survival and how hard it was to be a girl in the dark ages before second wave feminism but what do i know. obviously you should just kind of shoehorn it in as a gotcha in the last 20 pages serving as the millionth indication that the bad guys in this narrative are bad and do bad things

- speaking of the bad guys every single character aside from the narrator is a one dimensional paper doll present to essentially speak one of groffs points directly into camera and then vanish in a way that literally made me laugh out loud several times. Some Women Are Vain, Which Is Bad. Some Men Hurt Women And Native People For Fun, Which Is Evil.

- there was a stylistic decision made to not capitalize proper nouns which sure. it makes sense with what the book is trying to do to not capitalize god or english or powhatan. but then it was so inconsistently applied like why is atlantic (ocean) not capitalized but James (river) is. why is god lowercase but Sunday is uppercase. why are all the names capitalized but titles that function as names arent. stop the madness

- a personal nitpick now but i have spent a lot of time kicking around in the area where the book is set and was hoping at least there would be some evocative descriptions of this place that i love. and yet in this book nominally about wilderness there was so little specificity in the depiction of it! this could have been any forest! the specific natural setting did not feel like a tidewater forest! feels like groff wrote it based on a google search of pamunkey traditional lifestyles and a glance at a topographic map

- cant even get into all the reductive and underresearched gender stuff but know it’s there. classic groffism

- finally and most minimally yet perhaps most egregiously groff has yet again failed to internalize a religious worldview in order to write a religious character. this narrator is a change from marie in matrix as we are sternly informed on page 4 that she believes what she has been told about christianity. like once every 20 pages groff remembers that and has her pray or something and then once she has been away from her culture for about 200 pages she realizes god is a lie and that’s the arc. cool!

- why bother! why bother with this setting, this character, this real place and real historical event and real belief system, if you arent going to USE any of it. this should have been a zine about climate change. it should have been like six tweets. if it needed to be fiction (and im not convinced it did) it should have been a contemporary novel and like three things could have been changed. why! bother!

in summary, i went so insane that i googled every single person mentioned in the acknowledgements to see how many were historians or archaeologists or librarians or ecologists or associates of the pamunkey tribe or anyone else who might be assumed to have expertise here and there was: one. illustrative i think!!!!

#ok NO more groff we have freed ourselves from the curse of groff #i could keep and another thinging myself to death here but i will show restraint #last groff book i read i blacked out for a week and when i came to i found a 20 slide powerpoint/screed #bravely limiting myself to a tumblr post this time #histfic #long post #i have to go lie down

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ofliterarynature · 6 months ago

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APRIL 2024 WRAP UP

[loved liked ok nope dnf (reread) bookclub*]

Death in the Spires • Heartstopper Vol 4 • Heartstopper Vol 3 • To Marry an English Lord • The True Queen • (Heartstopper Vol 2) • Fun Home* • (Arabella of Mars) • I’m Glad My Mom Died • (Sorcerer to the Crown) • And Then There Were None • Vassa in the Night • Queen of the Night • The Other Significant Others • Most Ardently • The Reformatory • The Book of Love

Read: 14 (10 audio, 4 print, 3 DNF)

The Other Significant Others (5 stars)- I've been anticipating this one ever since I first heard about it and it didn't disappoint! Not only does it tell the stories of people in close, non-traditional relationships, it also talks about marriage, raising kids, and aging, and it was all incredible. I've recommended this in the tags of so many posts and I need y'all to read it.

Queen of the Night (3 stars) - I've heard this glowingly recommended. I liked the author's story in the Sword, Stone, Table anthology. The events in the book are incredible! I should have been fascinated! But I was so bored! Part of it was that the mystery/thriller element in the description - someone has written an opera based on the main character's scandalous secret past, who could it be? - was extremely oversold, most of the book is recounting said past events, and we don't really dive into the present mystery until the very end. I've read similarly slow books so I don't know why I didn't like this, but I wish I'd dnf'd it. I'd recommend you try The God of Endings by Jacqueline Holland instead.

Vassa in the Night (4 stars) - this one surprised me! It's YA, I've heard pretty mixed reviews, and it's been sitting on my shelf for a while - starting it, the VERy in-your-face YAness almost threw me off but I'm very glad I stuck through it. I live for magic and fairy tales being dumped into modern times, and the really smart thing about this book is that it keeps a very tight focus (no space for the larger worldbuilding to fall apart lol). We've got a morally-grey magical doll companion who's a kleptomaniac and will eat you out of house and home, Baba-Yaga and her 24-hour convenience store on chicken feet, her disembodied hand assistants, weird guy on a motorcycle, and oh yeah, if they catch you stealing they'll put your head on display (and they're not above framing you to do it). Yes this is perfectly normal, why do you ask? I'm not saying it's perfect, but I had such a good time!

And Then There Were None (4 stars) - my first real attempt at Christie! I did enjoy listening to this, enough that I think I'll try some other Christie, but it wasn't entirely to my taste. I prefer having a detective figure in the story to follow, and the "reveal" after was disappointing.

Sorcerer to the Crown (3.5 stars) - this was a reread, and I definitely liked it a lot less for some reason this time? Maybe it was changing formats, but I love a historical fantasy romp and this should have been right up my alley! The True Queen (4 stars) was much more enjoyable, so maybe it was the characters, maybe it was the rereading itself. I think this might be my sign to call it quits with Zen Cho.

I'm Glad My Mom Died (4 stars) - this isn't really one I think I'd have ever picked for myself even though it got popular, except that my book-club friend recommended it. I'm finding that I'm not really one for memoirs, but despite the heartbreaking contents this was very easy to read - largely chronological with short chapters, and the author is clearly aware that things were bad even when her younger self did not. I accidentally started this when I was also reading Fun Home, so that was a lot of bad-parent-memoir at the same time, oops.

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic (4 stars) - I've been eying this one for a while and am glad to have gotten it on the list for book club! Deeply fascinating, if not always an easy read - the subject on one hand, but the density of the pages, the differences between the comic panels and the narration outside them, and the jumping through time that memoirs do sometimes made events hard to follow. I admit my favorite parts were seeing the different queer books Bechdel slipped into her illustrations (one that I'm reading right now even!).

Arabella of Mars (4.5 stars) - Y'all, we are sleeping on this book, I had so much fun! Here's to girls dressing as boys, sailing ships, steampunk space travel, and vibes straight from early sci-fi adventure novels. I can't believe I forgot about this and am just glad I picked up a copy at the library sale to make myself reread it. I do apologize for thinking this was YA (which it isn't), but further thoughts on that and the rest of the series will have to wait for next month.

Heartstopper Vol 2-4 (5/5/4 stars) - finally! I read part of the comic online ages ago, and read Vol 1 for book club the other month, but I finally got started on the rest of the series. I had definitely read through Vol 2 previously, but everything else was new to me. I had a good time, but Vol 4 was a bit of a(n expected!) downer, and the time jump in the middle ruined the flow a bit for me. I do have Vol 5 in my hands currently, and if I didn't have so many other things to do I'd be tempted to do a big Alice Oseman re/read.

To Marry an English Lord (4 stars) - I encountered this at not one, but TWO unrelated book sales before I caved and bought it. I enjoyed it! It's mostly a sort of overview/reference covering the period around the Gilded Age - the New York upper crust, the European Aristocracy, and the various societal events that lead to a pattern of marital exchange. Did I skim the bits where it just listed name after name after name? Yes, but! Highly recommend to anyone reading romances or general fiction set in the period, I really wish I'd read this before trying The Age of Innocence! (its also very funny how occasionally it makes references that make it very obvious it was written in the 80's lol). Pairs incredibly well with another book I bought at the same sale, The Divorce Colony by April White.

Death in the Spires (3.5 stars) - I love KJ Charles, but I've often felt that her plots and romances can sometimes be at odds - so I was very excited when she said she'd written a mystery! But I'm lukewarm about it at best. The campus novel portions were fascinating, and I'd have loved more of them. But Jem as our narrator just wasn't engaging for most of the book. I wouldn't say it's his fault necessarily, but he's not really a good detective, there are either no clues or they're just going in circles, and the promised attempts on his life just aren't happening. Once we hit the 2/3 mark, where we're on campus, have more characters together, and they're talking - that's when things got good! Maybe this will be be better on a reread, but for now my hopes are for some good fanfic. Would recommend more to the dark academia people rather than mystery fans.

DNF

Most Ardently (20%) - the vibes were very much, "here's my blorbos, I'm putting them in a Pride and Prejudice AU." Which is great, if that's what you want! It was not what I wanted alas. Biggest cons, the de-ageing of the characters and the generally modern YA/queerness. Pros, they did keep all of the other Bennet sisters! I was so tempted to keep reading just to see how Oliver and Darcy got together, but I knew I wasn't going to enjoy myself. Would have loved to see this presented as an original work rather than an adaptation, or as something hewing closer to the original tone and period of the novel.

The Reformatory (43%) - this was good, really! It's just that I'm only so-so on horror on my best days, and both story lines were sad and dark and depressing. I could have probably handled one or the other, but I wasn't really having a good time (that's not the right phrasing exactly, but you know what I mean). I had other things I wanted to read and it was a long book.

The Book of Love (6%) - I've heard multiple people sing the praises of Kelly Link, so while I wasn't really drawn by the description, I thought I'd give it a shot! I did, and it still didn't draw me in. Maybe I'll give it a try again someday, but I think I'll try her short fiction first.

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