#the closest I get to gender euphoria

[clonerightsagenda]

Instead of carrying a stick while pretending to be a wizard, these days I enjoy walking around in a tank top feeling like a hardbitten captain of a ragtag sci fi crew.

[thatchaotictiefling]

Make patch pants now!

[plain text: Make patch pants now!]

Honestly nothing is more self fulfilling that making patch pants (or a vest or a jacket). Scrounging together pre-made and self made patches, laces, fun squares of fabric, maybe studs. Telling the world who you are, heart on your sleeve (or legs, in my case).

It's about connecting to my punk brethren; about saying I'm here, trans cripple punks like me exist, we can have patches about pro Palestine and kilking cops, but we also like a snake patch and one full of drawn eyes.

The self expression, the ability to connect with other people like me in public with a glance, all with minimal verbal communication (and when people ask about the patches, it's so exciting! Because they're asking about you! It's so lovely!)

If you are a punk/alt this is your sign. Make that patch jacket, sew those patches you've collected on the hem of your favorite jeans. If it looks ugly, fuck yeah, that's authentic baby! It's good if it's messy, if it feels vulnerable. That's art baby!

[parasitic-saint]

i really want to be nothing at all, i feel i tell people i'm transmasc because it's easier to grasp, i do want hrt and top surgery but ideally i would love no tits no nipple and no sexual organs but in a more masculine frame than what i have... idk literally just turn me into the popular depiction of a gray or green alien and i'll finally be happy

[ofseaandstarz]

Can you tell me about some marauders hcs??

I would love to know about ur rosekiller hcs (if you have, if you dont theres no problem)

I don’t have many rosekiller hcs atm but I have some black brother ones rn!!

Sirius

- Transfigured all his silver jewelry into not silver (idk what it’s called but it still looks silver) cuz it makes Remus sick

- With lily’s help found a spell that protected Remus from other ppls silver jewelry

- Overstimulated talks a lot

- Sirius broke his arm tree climbing as a kid and has a scar all down the back of his shoulder

- Hates camping, dosent like the idea of doors that don’t lock

- STAR WARS

- dosent bother untying their shoes

- fem/masc/androgynous Sirius black

- borrows Marlene’s skirts for gender euphoria

Regulus

- hates peanut butter, loves Nutella (only on pancakes)

- Over stimulated shuts down

- Has contact lenses, Barty stole once so had to wear glasses for classes that day (Barty later teased him abt it)

- gay awakening was the head boy his first year

- can whistle, drives James crazy

- trans and I know people argue it wouldn’t work in the Harry Potter universe but hear me out! Trans regulus who comes out to his parents right around his third year at hogwarts, they dismiss him and are quite transphobic about it. Regulus starts presenting masc at school around his forth year after being encouraged to by Barty, evan, pandora and Dorcas. (Evan gives him his first binder) In his 5th year (and Sirius 6th) after Sirius is disowned, his parents suck it up and deal with the fact that their daughter son is the closest they’re going to get to a new heir

[shalpilot]

okay so the way yesui’s gender Is is she’s Dotharli, right? they believe their tribe members are reincarnated directly back into the tribe and their past lives’ genders are irrelevant. “is Sadu a man or a woman? a foolish question. she is sadu.” <- from a dotharli npc. there’s a separation between identity and gender; the body is unimportant, it is the soul inhabiting it that matters. this also plays into how they treat death- an expected inconvenience that will only affect them temporarily. they don’t have any kind of ritual or ceremony around death which i personally consider to be bullshit i think there are far more interesting things you could do with a culture that values souls above the physical form. i straight up do not fuck w/the just leaving the body in the desert like. idk what if it was customary to burn the body so the soul won’t be trapped inside and can find its way back to a new vessel. idk i shrimply do not believe a culture so focused around death and reincarnation would have ZERO FUNERARY RITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like YES they can still consider a dead body to be just an empty vessel but come! on! like what if each person had their own slightly different version of it. and they’re made aware of it before they die ofc. like, because you are [this person] when you die, we will scatter your ashes at [place] like the you before you, and the you before you, and the you before you

anyways this was about gender. so yeah yesui sees her body as a particularly strong and skilled vessel she’s lucky to be in his time around, and also sees it as just happening to be a female body. she was aware of like. gender existing for other people but didn’t realize nearly every single person feels at least some kind of connection to their own gender. it isn't until she starts living in Coerthas under the tutelage of an extremely devout middle-aged ex-fantasy cop that she's told she should "embrace" being a girl rather than "ignoring it." When she tries doing this, it works for a bit- she likes feminine things and already presents in a way that could be read as feminine- but the more she intentionally tries to be a girl, the more clear it becomes that it's something she likes, and not something she is. Its like a costume to her. she may enjoy putting on the act, but that doesn't make it any less of an act.

when she starts thinking of herself as a weapon rather than a person, that gives her the closest feeling to gender euphoria she's ever felt. not that she would ever be able to identify that emotion as such lmao. but a weapon does not have to care about its appearance in the way a maiden does. not that she's a maiden but if her mentor knew who she was being un-maidenlike with he would kill him. and maybe that weapon would like to wear the type of dresses the ladies up in the pillars have. she likes being told what to do and how to do it, so she can't figure out why she cant just follow one simple order and fully accept being a girl. she never gets to fully understand that before she dies.

when she's revived in ShB, on a completely different plane of existence, far away from anyone who could tell her otherwise, she embraces being a weapon. she's being helpful, she's being an asset, and she's got this cute little miniskirt thing going on and a greatsword that's taller than she is. in endwalker when she experiences someone seeing her as a woman and an object, that fully cements for her that she is not a woman, but also maybe she should work on feeling like a person sometime. that's a problem for her later.

all this to say

she's not though. she's just yesui.

[scatterpatter]

MM1 + MM2 Robot Master Genders(tm)

Ive wanted to infodump about my headcanons for genders for the mm1+2 (mostly 1 sowwy) for a while now and im FINALLY DOING IT

All purely my headcanons for my uh... au? Interp of Classic Megaman?? ... Scatterverse????? Idk whatever you wanna call it

So the first line designed by Light was always meant to be fairly gender-neutral. The "man" suffix wasn't intended to imply every bot was male, but rather was meant to be derived from human, and meant to embody the fact that the robot masters are meant to work alongside humans.

Though, as designs came along and the bots began interacting with the world around them, they found that things just sort of defaulted to more masculine presentations for the bots, and in most eyes they're all considered pretty male

As time went on though, the DLN were definitely way "looser" when it came to playing with gender than the DWN. They were very much encouraged by Dr. Light to explore their own identities and what things meant for them, and so there's a lot more fluidity in how the DLN present themselves

Cutman (he/him) doesn't really care about gender, but is chill with being called he/him or masculine terms. Doesn't really care to label his gender- MAYBE nonbinary if he HAD to choose a label but like he really doesn't care to label it

Gutsman (he/him) definitely the most "cis" of the bunch but also the biggest trans ally on the entire planet. Certified Transphobe Puncher(tm)

Iceman (he/they) Like Cut, doesn't really care for gender, but feels that demiboy is the closest label to how they feel about themself

Bombman (he/she) If there are "rules" for gender then she is determined to break every single one. Torn between id-ing as bigender or genderpunk... definitely leaning towards genderpunk

Fireman (he/him) Like Guts, also very "cis" but also supremely enthusiastic about being an ally. He specifically practiced using your pronouns extensively so he could surprise you with getting it right next time he sees you

Elecman (he/him) "Cis" but like. "If gender is a performance, I'm going for a Tony". Super gender non-conforming and loves playing with gender presentations. 100% does drag and loves it

Timeman (they/them) Agender. Thinks identifying with a binary gender is stupid because they are a machine that doesn't have a sex. Frustrated why Oil won't explain what they mean with his own gender identity

Oilman (he/they) "I'm nonbinary, but in a boy way." Will refuse to elaborate if you ask him what that means. Drives Time insane with this

The DWN are a lot more "rigid" on their genders. Created to be weapons and not companions, they see way less point in "playing" with gender. Gender is a social construct, and the DWN very much want to tear society down so like. Yeah. They don't understand gender let alone gender nonconformity. They're all very masculine in presentation and gender identity.

THAT being SAID I have 2 exceptions to this and their names are Quickman and Bubbleman

So Quickman (he/him) was originally built to be a female bot, but due to naming conventions giving all bots the -man suffix (see above), Quick's name was always Quickman. The only female bot of the line, Quick had trouble feeling "right" in his frame, especially when all of his linemates were much more male-presenting.

For reasons he couldn't explain at the time, Quick decided to "pretend" to be a male bot during the events of mm2, and like- Quick being treated like a boy by the Lights was an instant shot of gender euphoria through his circuits and there has been no going back since.

Very shortly post-mm2, Quick came out to the others about being a boy now and they were all shockingly cool about it. Because no one other than Wily and the mm2 bots knew, they were very secretive about it, very much a "we take this to our graves" response, and as a result Quick was actually super closeted as a trans man. Everyone else (even the other Wily bots) were under the impression that Quick was cis for the longest time

Later down the line, though, Bubbleman (they/them) starts playing around with gender, and eventually comes out to the mm2 bots about being nonbinary. Again, they're received well, but Bubble runs into a different problem than Quick.

The general public always thought Quick was a boy, so Quick had no problems being perceived as his gender. Bubble was always known as a boy before presenting as enby though, and isn't received as well as Quick in some public spaces. Bubble will even get bullied over being enby by some transphobes, which really destroys their self confidence

After having enough of this, Quick decides to start being a lot more open about his trans identity in public spaces, and is much more vocal about his own experiences. He absolutely doesn't do this because of the transphobes, no they can all eat shit. He does this to try and give Bubble more of a safe space to be around. If Quick can be publicly proud about his identity, maybe that can help his linemate feel more comfortable being themself too

As a result, Quick and Bubble actually end up being, like, super close, and it's sweet. and i love them. a lot.

[offbeat-manga-ships]

I hope this is not an inappropriate ask (if it is, feel free to not post), but, do you by chance know any manga with female having an auto crossdressing/trap kink? I don't know if use the right terms, I haven't actually searched for that yet, but basically, a girl that enjoys being mistaken for a boy, without her being an actual trans male, or wanting to be a boy, something like this. Emphasis on mistaken, i.e. passing as male, not just roleplaying with her partner who know she's female

that sounds like a DREAM of a manga and probably one of my many white whales. i honestly don't know anything like it, but i would kill for such a manga. the closest scenario i know to what you're describing is a female character who seems neutral-to-positive towards cross-dressing or male fashion/styling. it's never portrayed as a kink or even just a kind of gender presentation euphoria. many of the masculine-leaning girls who wear boy's clothes that i know (which are not many) simply seem to regard that as a lax don't-care-what-i-wear behavior and when in a situation to dress up will choose to wear typically feminine clothing because that is seen as "putting an effort and being cute".

the only ONLY situation i've ever seen of a girl glad she was seen more like a boy was one joke in the manga gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun (monthly girls' nozaki-kun) [MAL / AL / MU] by kashima yuu (who is not the Main MAIN character, mind you, but still an important part of the cast). she showed up to school on pants that day to celebrate how her voice seemed lower and raspy because she was kind of sick. she usually wears skirts though (but her casual clothing is male fashion, though i've never seen her trying to pass as a boy again).

there is a character in hourou musuko (wandering son) [MAL / AL /MU] who identified as a trans boy for a while but then went back to being a girl at some point. i never finished this story, but at the start passing as a guy was naturally really important to them and there is a chance they kept that sentiment to the end. they do let their hair grow longer again so i really don't know.

the only other character who actually seems to want to cross-dress that i know is hazuki from ikemen joshi to josou danshi (handsome girl and cross-dressing boy) [MAL / AL / MU]. at some point she does wear a typically feminine bikini (and maybe some other clothes too, i don't really remember) 'for some reason' even though she crossdresses on a daily basis (kashima from gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun and sou from itoko no ko both have more gender neutral swimwear that matches their personal style so that was a deliberate choice)

every other character either seems to not care and have some transformative moment of 'finally dressing as a girl', or have some complex about their own choice to cut their hair off and dress in masculine fashion.

i'm holding out hope that i'll get something good in the manga goukon ni ittara onna ga inakatta hanashi (how i attended an all-guys' mixer) [MAL / AL / MU], but it will probably not be anything close to a kink since it's a light comedy slice of life series as far as i know.

if anyone knows anything that fits please PLEASE let us know and i'll go running to check it out

[justjenah]

Hi there! I really enjoyed you in proof is in the podcast and love you as skinner she’s such a 👀 character. I was really surprised your regular speaking voice is so different from skinner’s. Was that something Dylan asked for ?

Hello and thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed The Proof is in the Podcast and that you're a fan of Skinner! They're a blast to play.

As for the voice I do for Skinner, Dylan did not ask me to do that! When he invited me to play Skinner and sent me the first script that they were in I tried performing the lines lots of different ways.

The voice I settled on for them is actually the voice I have been trying to use more in my daily life! I'm non-binary (I think the closest definition I can come up with for my gender would be "Dude" but I'm a little resistant to labeling) and have been socially transitioning for a few years now. And honestly? I settled on Skinner's voice because it gave me to most gender euphoria. 😃

I find that while dressing more to match my gender and asking people to use my correct pronouns (they/them) is fairly easy, I feel extremely self conscious when it comes to my voice. Especially when it comes to people who are familiar with my speaking voice prior to beginning this transition. I find VA-ing has helped me get gradually (extremely gradually if I'm honest) more comfortable transitioning my voice to one that feels more true to me out in the real world.

Dylan is extremely gracious and I am sure wouldn't have even questioned it if I used my "Skinner voice" during the recording for Proof is in the Podcast but I was a weeee bit too nervous as it was for that recording. 😅

Hats off to Michelle Kan who plays Marissa and is doing the sound editing for Proof is in the Podcast and made me sound like someone who knows what they're talking about! They're a fucking wizard and deserve all the praise and accolades.

[a-coelacanth-makes-stuff]

Crafting a silly Ninjago au!

Main changes to the main Ninja (plus Pixal) from shortest to tallest cus i can

Kai: half Serpentine like both parents(two half human half Serpentine parents), shortest ninja, still scared of water but also doesn't like cats too much. He's got a lot of burn marks, both from his power and because of blacksmithing. Bi, questioning identity but is still good with He/Him pronouns, just experimenting.

Cole: Short, fat(after getting more comfprtable with the others and not pushing himself to be all toned) and very strong. Has those marks he gets using his powers as scars on his arms, plus a handfull of scars on his legs and around his eyes from when he was a ghost! gay and demiboy(he/they)

Wyldfire: like Cole, she's heavy! She's more wild than the show, and while smart and learned math and such really easy from her nannybot, she would try to eat a phone if given one without explanation. Shes got entirely too many scars and freckles!!! "What's gender, I'm a DRAGON!!!"(doesn't care about pronouns, people default to She/Her and she doesn't care at all)"I like Roby only :3"

Zane: on the shorter side as his father did make him slightly shorter to be like a son and he doesn't want to change that, obsessed with birds and sometimes pirates cus autism, "He/Him usual but any work" agender, ace

Arin: About average hight and autistic (Ninja autism), and probably has the least physical scars of anyone! (Not changing him much from cannon) He/They, and still questioning

Jay: lanky ADHD idiot, better than everyone except Zane and Pixal with machinery. Has lightning scars going up his arms! Transmasc!! Calls himself a butch twink as a joke, and Bi!

Sora: neurodivergent in some way and otherkin!! Catkin, she's not sure which exactly but she's leaning towards a manecoon. She has 3 fingers, on her left hand(Pointer, thumb, pinky, other two are nubs), her whole right arm is a prosthetic, with the extra fingers and the arm made by herself! Also the headphones are also hearing aids she made as cat ears because of species euphoria! Lots of general scarring on her, mostly from her work on stuff. She/they lesbian!!

P.I.X.A.L.: Tall cus her father made her tall to help him as needed! Keeps her height as it is very useful and she finds it amusing being taller than Zane. "She/Her is fine, i go by anything" pangender, ace

Lloyd: intersex, sorta trans sorta cis cus he was assigned male a birth but has to bind currently (related to being part dragon in my au, dragons have a lot of E naturally), hides his secondary arms, tail, antlers, most of his tusks and ears when doing errands and stuff outside the group cus his tail has gotten pulled and run over several times. Has generally a lot of scars, even on his secondary arms. Man(no more elaboration), and questioning (he's mentally only a little older than Sora Arin and Wyld, give him time) He/anything BUT femme pronouns

Nya: See the first thing for Kai, tallest ninja(until Lloyd grows more), ends up getting antlers and new scales and a weird face and a mustache after Seabound :3 Bi and not cis(not sure) She/It

Bonus:

Wu: Half dragon half oni but leans a lot on dragon, and uses the Oni powers to help make him more human (Dragons can become smaller and bipedal but only adults and they still clearly look like dragons) secretly has a sweet tooth like his nephew, he's borderline a god and doesn't care for pronouns nor lables, but considers Pan to be the closest match

Garmadon: half dragon half oni but leaning on oni. after the SoG, and all that, then meeting Vinny, he slowly gets his "humanity" back, which is just him relearning how to be good. He's still half dragon half oni but when the SoG resurrected him, they somehow sealed the dragon part away for a while.

Also Misako is such a workaholic they eventually divorce cus like, no time for each other and then Vinny, the silly 30 year old with a basic job somehow scored a demi god because I am a sucker for monster x average Joe that makes them better

Vinny really looked at Garmadon and said "I can fix him" and didn't lie.

[solarmagickstar]

Not super into Jessie Gender, but I watched their video on "how we talk about trans men" and I've gotta say it was disappointing asf.

As a trans masc/guy I feel like I can't really have an opinion? Like for me it's like I'm too scared to be angry, like if I am it's just gonna be thrown back at me like "oh it must be those testosterone hormones coming out" or "well of course your all angry your a man" like men can't be sensitive at all or something? It's almost always said in a way to "give me euphoria" cause that's how we're supposed to treat men.

At times it really feels like we're being pushed out of queer spaces because we'll if your a guy you wouldn't wanna be a part of the marginalised group ya know cause "we're escaping to get to privilege" right?

I don't feel like our experience with gender is allowed to be expressed openly and we're absolutely not allowed to be GNC. And honestly the same could probably be said for GNC trans fems too, I don't see a lot of them either.

I feel like in Jessie gender's video they kinda didn't *actually* wanna sit with what they said originally? Like when it came to the Barbie movie I wanted to participate in the conversation of girl hood and how that's still relevant to me and how it's shaped me as the person I am today, how much I enjoyed the Ken dolls experience and how they played with masculine fashion in a way I hadn't seen in a while. But honestly I felt like well this movies for the girls so I probably shouldn't say anything.

Sometimes I wonder if we partially do this to ourselves because a lot of us keep to ourselves and don't really wanna be seen half the time. I haven't talked to the trans masc I knew since we all left Facebook, it's so lonely out here and the more I look for trans content the more I see trans fems and basically only white trans masc (with like maybe 2 poc ones but is that really all we get?) It makes me feel like I don't exist. The only places I can see poc trans masc viking or existing is on sites run by a variety of trans people or is run by a trans masc person living free.

When I see that I think, thank god your fucking real. Thank god I see someone like me thriving and existing out there.

I wanna see more of y'all, like actually see y'all, I feel like I'm fading away as more and more content keeps talking about how bad trans fems (oh and non binary but let's not define what you mean or who you're talking about we just throw them in there cause let's be more inclusive right? But only to you? Great) but the amount of trauma that's in the trans masc community is horrific and is not talked about or addressed at all.

In men's spaces there's not room for queer most of the time, so to find a place to belong and essentially get told my issues aren't as important or that trans fems ("and nonbinary" cause again you're lying to yourself by saying this even if your non-binary) then you're fundamentally missing out on our lives. I don't even feel like we have enough data on us because even the trans masc get lumped in with nonbinary or GNC like that's just fucking normal.

I remember a study was out on trans masc and GNC women about how often all of us deal with sexual assault and it's the closest I've seen and it wasn't even good findings it was depressing. I wish I could find it again. But again that study put us with GNC (pretty sure it was cis) women!

Please not this is coming from someone who's been SA'd pre and post coming out as trans. Did you know some people see us as a way to see if they're gay or bi? Like experiment on us, get us drunk and tell us we should just take it because "well you're supposed to be a man right?" We can't even get to these conversations yet and I'm worried we never will.

Do we even exist? Are we allowed to voice our opinions? Are we allowed to be mad? Are we allowed to be upset with our community? Can we do our own studies? Should we be more visible? I'm scared to, I don't wanna show my face I'm a very private person, but do I need to address that? Is that a bad thing? Is it perpetuated by my environment?

I don't know and honestly I just wanna see more variety of trans masc people, I'm scared we're just gonna stay under the radar and continue to deal with the bullshit we always have.

Ps. Jessie gender 100% did the I have a trans masc friend, no matter how much they said "I'm not doing that" they literally were doing it and there was almost no self reflection on that at all. This wasn't really the video I think they thought it was cause all it did was tell me they don't talk to us very often and that at this point I've just seen heart reacts to comments on their video's comments and not any actual responses to what anyone's said on there. It'll be a process I get it but this video was not good at all and I feel like any trans masc who's getting excited about being seen by a bigish YouTuber is like me desperate for anything validation cause that's kinda how starved we are out here tbh.

[forbidden-creature-snacks]

Warning: Vent Post

I see so many posts about ftm subs and ftm gay content and that's so lovely and all but...

It's so hard to find content relating to my specific interests as a ftm dom/top that is pretty much solely attracted to women and feminine nonbinary folks. As a heterosexual-ish trans man.

Just so I don't feel so alone, sometimes I just wanna see someone also experiencing the deep rage and disappointment and envy that I feel because I don't have a dick that I can pound into my precious bunny and get lost in the euphoria of being inside of her like that. I have a hella breeding kink, and it's infuriating that I don't have the hardware to cum inside of her and watch it leak out.

Feels like I have the software downloaded and ready to go, but I don't have the hardware required to use it.

I never felt gender dysphoria as badly as I did when I realized how much I craved to be inside of my beloved. I've looked at dick pics solely so I could more accurately dream about it, because that's the closest I can get.

Bunny and I are pretty good at using our imaginations, but sometimes... I just wish it was the real thing.

[talisidekick]

Not all gender dysphoria is physical.

It's not JUST my body, my voice, my face. It's not just the fact that I have too much body hair that I burn through blades faster upsets me on a deeper conscious level, it's not just the fact that not having noticeable breasts disgusted me, it's not just that having a full beard made me so self conscious I'd lie about my plans just to stay at home alone on weekends.

It's how I acted, how I found the closest proximity to joy, how I felt guilt over inconsequential things. It's how I sometimes catch myself thinking, how I sometimes feel, how I sometimes feel joy that suddenly makes me spiral downwards into self-hatred, disgust, and loathing. It's how someone can recall a memory in joy and laughter, and what I remember feeling in that moment only gives me a jarring reaction followed by the guilt of having lied about who I really was in that moment. It's the mentality of knowing I wasn't happy, just playing at it, for 26 years.

It's knowing my friends have to reconcile that who they knew was hiding me, and this is what I was always really like. It's the guilt, and shame, of hearing friends apologize for not being better in the past and feeling ugly for remembering all of it and knowing they know I was never happy or comfortable for any of it, that I let them think it was all okay.

That dysphoria plays and mixes with my feelings on my appearance, because although the HRT is fixing my appearance slowly, when I still see the vestiges of his visage, the little facial hairs the lazer left behind, the way part of his smile still remains, his body still not yet fully changed to mine in subtle ways, I'm reminded of the ugly reality of having once being him. The further physically I get from him, the less that dysphoria of his psyche remains, the less the past hurts, and the more of me I become. The less I act like him, the more I consciously embrace myself, the more unconsciously I become at ease with my history.

Dysphoria isn't just about physical appearance; that's just the part of dysphoria you can see. You see the physical euphoria now vs. the contrast of what I used to be and how it haunted me and associate that solely with how much I've physically changed. Inside I'm fighting back the despair constantly with hope for the future. Outwardly you only see the internal struggle when my dysphoria around my appearance bolsters the assault the dysphoria around my identity and expression, around my past and how it shapes my present. I may look beautiful to you, but the perception of ugliness on the inside is a harder beast to kill because that is where it resides. Where it regains strength. I can feel the most myself in my life, the happiest and prettiest, but with the echo of my voice, or the reflection of my face back at me, I'm reminded of all those feelings I was conquering in that moment by not feeling them, and it drags my psyche back down into it's waiting jaws and attacks me with the trauma inside around everything I wish I never was or had to once be.

I can look beautiful, feel ugly, and not see my own worth, causing me to look on myself and only see the marks of 26 years of trauma. Dysphoria isn't just physical, it's mental too, and it feeds on itself in cycles, thats why it's so harming. The only way to combat it is euphoria. The way to do that is transition. So if you see me saying I'm ugly regarding my appearance, but you think I look great and shouldn't feel that way, just know it's because the battle within is not yet won and in that moment, for that moment, I'm losing. I'll see what you see eventually. I just have to go a little farther with all of it to get there.

[wishmaker-astra]

Results time!

Amusingly, closest was Mare, who guessed all of them. I wasn't having any vision stuff at the moment, and I was sufficiently indoors so pidoves couldn't do much. Though they WERE back on their bullshit earlier. Harte related moments... happened at a later point than this poll, but did make focus hard then. So...

Sidon gets a runner up for his guess of gender euphoria and girls existing hyperfocused by my neurodivergence.

[transhuman-priestess]

I get gender euphoria from dental work because its the closest thing i'll get to a ripperdoc in the foreseeable future

[novaster-art]

Agony and ecstasy.

I saw an open call for photographs around queer devotion and knew I had to submit something. The first idea I had was around communion (stay tuned for those photos) but I decided to try my hand at a self portrait as well. Turns out I can only submit one photo, so I decided to go with this one as it feels quite personal to me.

Setting up this shoot involved me balancing my tripod on folding chairs to get a wider frame, knocking the tripod off a few times, unscrewing some slats from my bedframe (twice since I tried one reshoot), and so much laying down and standing up. I had a lot of fun!

Here's the statement I submitted with it:

My relationship with religion is complicated after growing up in it and then away from it. My queerness doesn’t fit into the neat box my childhood religious community tried to push me into. Instead, my queerness found a home when I discovered the queer community in Chicago, when my partners and siblings supported me through my transition, when my friends accepted me as who I am with no second glance, and when I bump into other queer people and feel normal about my identity. Being seen and loved for who I am connects me with my community in a way that I never felt connected to God.

If we view religion as the practice of ritual and transformation, the closest I come to a religious practice these days is my testosterone shot. Starting T was an important step towards gender euphoria for me and gave me the experiences religion was supposed to provide. While medically transitioning isn't part of everyone's journey, sharing my victories (facial hair!) and anxieties (needles!) grounds me deeper into my identity and community. Not everyone is on the same journey as I am, but I’m glad I can travel with others.

In this work, I wanted to queer Christian iconography with symbols of my own identity. I wanted to reflect the ecstasy and pain I’ve felt becoming who I am today. The path hasn’t always been easy, but it’s a path well worth traveling.

[epiceneandroid]

thanks to @arco-pluris (who i have been admiring from afar and may have a (queer)platonic/amari/(theoretical) aesthetic attraction for based on my dreams of shem)'s reblog of @ryanyflags post questioning being transcis/cistrans/tris i'm actually myself questioning being trisqueer (as in trans(gender)queer and cis(gender)queer at the same time)

especially given that epicene, my MAIN gender and the main hosts' that share the "my gender" tag on this blog's genders as well as sprinkles' gender is technically (to me, and from arco-pluris' own definition from sheir blog defining how shey sees epicenity) a monomultiagender of both (male and female + male and female related genders + male and female centrigenders + in my view, masculine and feminine genders + masculine and feminine related genders + masculine and feminine centrigenders as well as androgyne, ambigender, femache, stuff like that), neither (i.e. every abinary, anonbinary, atrinary, etc. umbrella gender like neutrois, maverique, aporagender, outherine, xenogender/xenine (at least to me), kenochoric, and even other neogenders unrelated to these neithers, as well as stuff like ambigue, generique, gengender, etc that can't be sorted into these categories necessarily), and none (every single agender/genderless related gender i experience, such as agender, genderless, agenderless, gendervoid, arguably some kenochords, genderlussos, genderblank, gendernull, nullgender (those two are different), and i'm also either polygender or pxngenderfluidflux (aka, genderfluid between all and no genders and fluxing between them) and ALWAYS pxn aligned...i wonder if i could count as trisqueer in a cis-genderqueer sense AND a trans-genderqueer sense. i consider my modality mostly genderqueer and nonbinary, especially because though i'm physically unable to transition like i want to (i wanna go on t for the Namari Dungeon Meshi Voice Euphoria and also bottom growth but preferably i'd rather that thang and also the top thang to be swappable and like slideable like a chest/breast slider but that's another thing, but i don't want top surgery because i like my breasts and also i'm fat and i don't WANT to have to lose weight to get a flat chest), i consider my experiences neither fully cis in that i never was able to relate to other Fellow AFAB Experiences because of Autism and Adhd and Trauma and Ridiculously Early As Young As 1-4 Pediatric Ocd but i never found myself fully relating to cisgender boys either (i would say i find my experiences closely match transfem people both nonbinary and binary, but tbh i don't have a right to claim transfem because i'm not transitioning towards womanhood from a gender different to that, and i'm not fully and entirely a woman, and also trans woman isn't necessarily a third gender to most binary trans women though some transfeminine people can experience their gender as a third gender because imo some transmasculine people and generally nonbinary people do that too so who am i to judge). honestly, the closest even moreso than nonbinary or multigender transfem experiences is like...nonbinary/genderqueer or agender or like...generally not a man or a woman or all genders and none experiences. and also genderqueer experiences in general. i consider myself moreso...cisautigender? cisgenderless/cisagender? cisgenderqueer? because rather than being socialized as a cis girl, i feel like i was socialized as autigender in the "my gender is autism and less than genderless so my gender is considered nonhuman or even inhuman even because i'm autistic", or "because of my socialization i feel like i less grew up as a female to epicene, i feel like i'm more genderless to also epicene" or even "i feel like although genderqueer is one of my current genders, genderqueer is more of a cis experience for me than female is so isofemale cisgenderqueer isomale transepicene pxngender it is"

idk. i don't know how to explain all this word vomit. i still can't explain it. idk if these experiences necessarily line up with trisqueer or some other gender modality but if anyone can give me help i'd appreciate it.