#the cgi was BAAAAAAD

[alecoholic]

icymi let me summarize teen wolf the movie:

1. stiles and lydia broke up

2. derek was obsessed with stiles' jeep

3. thus eli is also obsessed with his other dad's jeep

4. stiles' dad gives him the jeep until stiles comes back

5. nothing else happened 🙉

conclusion: sterek is canon & f*ck u jeff davis

[lover-of-mine]

The CGI in this movie is so BAAAAAAD

[tye-wig-music]

the peter cushing cgi looks baaaaaad man. it’s a bad impression of his voice too :(

god the rogue one soundtrack is rancid

[isolationaroundus]

Random rant

Excuse me but why does Chucky in the new Child’s Play looks like complete shit......... The old Chucky was 12109095 times more scary... GREAT ERA OF CGI EVERYONE... 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏

[t-rina]

Ash’s Star Trek Enterprise Rewatch:

4x22 These Are The Voyages...

First aired: 14 May 2005

Synopsis: Riker and Troi look back to the time when the first steps towards building the Federation were taken

Ash’s rating: 3/7

FINALE!!!

Hoshi goes back to Brasil

10 years???

WHAT HAPPENED TO T’POLS HAIR????

RIKER!!!!!!!

ITS BEEN A LONG ROAD

LAST TIME

sjjsjdjsjsjdjsjajakajjshhd DEANNAAAAAAAAA

i love her

What’s going on btw?

Chef was like a counselor 

SHRAN IS DEAD?

No he's not

They are on the way to Earth to sign a charta

Shran and Jhamel have a child

The child has been abducted 

Shran faked his death xD

PORTHOOOS

Shran wants Archer to help him find his child 

Riker as chef!!!!!!!

So Trip and T’Pol didn’t work out?

“I’m Vulcan, I don’t *miss* people.”

T’Pol is helping Riker cook xD

Why???? Why did he kiss her cheek??? That’s so inappropriate!

DEANNAAAAA

I LOVE THEM

No fish tank???

I love them checking out the NX-01

Awww Trip is finishing up on the Enterprise :/ he’s gonna miss her

They have name tags xD

WAIT WHAT TRIP DIED????

They arrived at Rigel

T’Pol seems kinda fidgety 

So they stayed friends?

She’s gonna miss him

GIVE SHRAN HIS DAUGHTER

how adorable

Babyyyyy

Baby goes with T’Pol!

Shran stays back…

Daaaamn that amethyst looks like some kind of weapon!!!!

Fiiiiiight

Triiiip!!!

Ok he’s safe

The girl is green ;-;

DATAAA

Why…. Why are there these two storylines going on??

Okay Riker is back on being chef

And cooking with the crew, one at the time

Phlooooox

So it’s really Phlox fault that we got this Trip/T’Pol romance

Nooo Enterprise is being attacked!!!

Intruder alert!!!!

Fuck, it’s the aliens who abducted Shran’s daughter!!!

Archer’s out, Trip is helping them so they don’t kill him

Holy shit did he just blow himself and the aliens to hell?

Shit shit shit

He looks baaaaaad

Aaaaaand he ded

They really killed off Trip

Poor T’Pol

She just says she misses her mother… even tho she’s Vulcan

Does Archer still think he’s an explorer?

Why is Trip back now? Did Riker go back in time?

Why.

“You sound like a lifelong member of the Jonathan Archer Fanclub” 😂

Yeyyy, CGI people

Uuuh we have Warp 7 now

Nice uniform, Archer

T’POL DOING HIS COLLAR

there are 18 18 species 

Archer can you be proud of yourself ffs??

“You look… very heroic.”

HE HUGGED HER

HOW CUTE

oooh so this isn’t the federation, this is just the first alliance

SO WE DON'T GET TO HEAR THE SPEECH

OR THE REAL THING 

OR ANYTHING

okay…

This is a kinda weird end

I’M DONE

WERE DONE

WE MADE IT

WOHOOOOOOO

[kiiiiiim]

I know we say this every week but the CGI is soooooo baaaaaad

[iwannapushyourdaisies]

people are allowed to be excited for the lion king remake if they can find that in them, but it’s sooooo baaaaaad and people are ALSO very much allowed to voice their complaints

it’s basically just a cut-and-dry cgi remake which could maybe be GOOD if there was some, like, actual vibrancy and life to it like the original had. if there’s not, what’s the point of even going to see it?? the nostalgia?? they’ve apparently sapped our every bit of all that was good and fun from the original, opted for lifeless hyperrealistic cgi and decided to call it a day. like, we CAN appreciate the technology that went into this. but where’s the ART. where’s the legitimate fucking emotion

basically a remake COULD have been a pretty good thing, but disney is essentially just coattailing on everyone’s sense of nostalgia in order to take in money and renew their old IPs. and i think we Should be a little fucking angry with that

[astudyinsarcasm9]

Captain Marvel (2019) Review - A hot mess

OK, I have to admit that I didn’t go in having high expectations for this movie. The trailers gave me a mixed bag of feelings on this one, to be honest.  Overall my impression is that Captain Marvel came out at a bad time. It would have been better by miles if it came out before Avengers: Infinity War. I mean, then the after credits from Avengers would have a bit more sense to everyone, not just comic enthusiasts. 

Aside from that, another issue I see with the film is that it will always be compared with DC’s Wonder Woman which I don’t think it’s a fair comparison because: a) Wonder Woman is a powerhouse name on its own and b) The movies come at different times in their respective universes. 

Comparatively, WW came around after the mess that were BvS, Suicide Squad and Justice League and so brought a fresh new change of perspective for DC films in general (DC still trying to figure itself out and not having Marvel’s 10 year experience). It was, by all accounts, a total departure from the usual DC style and people loved it. Admittedly, its end sucked balls.  On the other hand, Captain Marvel came out nearing the end of Marvel Phase 3 - a period of 10 years of building a cohesive universe. By now we are expecting Marvel to already take a fresh spin on their movies, to bring something new to the table. They did that with some of their movies...this was not one of those movies. Marvel simply brought nothing new with Captain Marvel. I dare say that it was incredibly predictable, though it did have one twist at some point (Still it might have been a twist for me since I’m not that familiar with CM comics).

While it has its entertaining moments, Captain Marvel fails to deliver a solid punch and be memorable. And the reason is that it has no idea what exactly it wants to be. It knows it’s stuck in this awkward, lukewarm, moment between Avengers 1 and 2 and it seems afraid to take risks. It is, all at once, a buddy-buddy comedy, a fish out of water story, an intergalactic war story and an amnesia story, and none of them are done particularly well.  The movie starts with info dump. 

...

Let me rephrase that. The movie starts with A LOT OF INFO DUMP or EXPOSITION. Literally from the first moment we are taught what is what through a series of awkwardly-written conversation between Captain Marvel and another character. And then they do, what CinemaSins already named, fightsposition (in which two characters spew exposition as they fight, see Doctor Strange to witness it in its full glory).  After some more exposition, we get to a mission were we barely get to see stuff. I kept wishing they could just turn the light on. I mean I get it’s supposed to be this different planet, but come on man I can barely see anyone’s face at all. Following more shenanigans Captain Marvel ends on on Earth and that’s where the buddy-buddy part starts. I’ll admit, her banter with Samuel L. Jackson was pretty good and chuckle worthy. It was also nice to see Coulson again. Missed than son of a bitch.  I don’t want to offer any spoilers since it’s still so early since the movie come out. Suffice to say that some fight scenes ensue, some shown in the trailers. Some things happen here and there and then we get to the finale which, while admittedly badass, was kind of a let down.  I didn’t like the writing at al. I feel Brie Larson could be an incredible actress but something happened, aside from the writing. Some scenes with her I liked, especially when she was snarky, but otherwise she was just bland. Mainly because of the writing which, BY GOD, was bad. The only good writing was for her best friend and for the Skrulls, I’d argue. Samuel did his best with the script he got and it’s needless to say he was flawless, because, how can he not be?

*Oh and side note: the exposition returns with a vengeance towards the middle of the movie and slaps you in the face like the bitch it is.

The soundtrack I found to be rather bland. I mean the songs that were picked were ok and went with the mood but I kinda felt they wanted that Guardians of the Galaxy feel to it and it just seemed so out of place. And on top of that it did not make want to go home and listen to the soundtrack some more. Hell, I can’t even remember the songs exactly. Aside from one near the climax of the movie.

The CGI was nice thought it did have its clunky moments. 

The characters were mostly forgettable. I admit I did like Ben Mendelsohn as the Skrull Talos, but I like him in everything and anything he is in because he is awesome, thanks. Samuel L. Jackson was a given because he is entertaining as hell even with basically toilet paper as a script. Clark Gregg as Coulson as little as he was on screen. Lashana Lynch as Maria Rambeau was insanely good and really acted way better than Brie, through no fault of Brie’s though.  Jude Law was ok but it was such a baaaaaad casting choice. I can’t stress enough. He stuck out as a sore thumb. 

The plot was super predictable though I admit, as I’ve mentioned, they made a twist which I quite liked. But I think, by far, my favorite part was, like a 6-7 minute part where we’re shown her memories in a very funny and unique way and I loved that and I wanted more of that creativity woven into the story. *SIGH*

*Side mention: They do explain why in the trailers she seemed so MEH about the whole situation and it does make sense but we never really get to see her explode in a fiery passion. Sure she’s going around destroying things, letting it all loose but she still felt, somehow, restrained.  All in all I’d give the movie an 7 out of 10.  It did its job of being filler till Avengers: Endgame, it gave us a pretty interesting after credits scene, some touching Stan Lee moments and some badass moments as well and it did show why Captain Marvel is one of the strongest characters in-universe, it just showed it badly. They basically took Captain Marvel and made her squish an ant and they called it a day. Yes she is stronger than an ant, but does that mean anything? I’m not saying what she did wasn’t an impressive display of powers I’m just saying that she didn’t have a foe to go toe to toe with to really let herself shine. 

She’s saving herself up for Thanos. Wink-wink. 

[solemnveloci]

Every Sony Pictures Animation  Movie Reviewed in 10 Words or Less!

In text form because I suck at talking off the top of my head. As a bonus, I’ll also do Warner Animation Group in 10 Words or Less because... eh, it’s April Fools. Also, they’ve got only 4 movies under their belt.

Thanks to @jelloapocalypse for the idea! I know he’s probably getting sick of them now, though.

Let’s start.

Open Season (2006): Why is the girl deer sexualized? AND STILL AN ANIMAL? 1/10

Surf’s Up (2007): *stares directly into the camera like I’m a surfboarding penguin* 5/10

Open Season 2 (2009): Get a freaking dog trainer. 3/10

Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs (2009): So… ending world hunger is bad? 6/10

Open Season 3 (2011): The racism metaphors in this are better than Zootopia. 4/10

The Smurfs (2011): Aah! Hyper-realistic Smurf! 6/10

Arthur Christmas (2011): A hearth-warming film. 7/10

Pirates! Band of Misfits (2012): Whaddya know, the sailors of the sea! 8/10

Hotel Transylvania (2012): Aw, your wife ceased out of existence, too? 9/10

The Smurfs 2 (2013): Aah! Hyper-realistic emo Smurf! 2/10

Cloudy with A Chance of Meatballs (2013): Adam Savage never was the same after Mythbusters got cancelled. 8/10

Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015): Why hasn’t Mavis aged? 4/10

Open Season: Scared Silly (2016): “OMG, stop gaybaiting Boog/Elliot!” 3/10

Goosebumps (2016): Huh, actually didn’t see that twist coming. Good work! 8/10

Surf's Up 2 (2017): Wavemania: You waited ten years to make a WWE crossover sequel. 5/10

Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017): Aah! …oh wait, they look fine now. 9/10

The Emoji Movie (2017): A Disney Channel love story buried under 900 YouTube ads. 1/10

The Star (2017): This movie has no right being this cute. 8/10

Peter Rabbit (2018): British. 5/10

Every Warner Animation Group Movie Reviewed in 10 Words or Less!

The LEGO Movie (2014): Chris Pratt’s voice is annoying! But this movie’s still great! 7/10

Storks (2016): Again, NO RIGHT. 9/10

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017): Suck it, Nolan. 10/10

The LEGO Ninjago Movie (2017): Oh no! Not my... Ninjago fanfics! 6/10

Since he had the same problem with the Disney sequels, I’m also only doing a bottom three and top three. Though let’s get the honorable mentions out of the way, first.

Storks (2016)

 With movies I like and dislike, I’m usually ride or die for both opinions, but I can definitely see why this one has it’s detractors. You see, it follows the usual “subverted Disney knockoff” formula, that being, a whimsical event or figure being hilariously subverted. “What if whimsical thing... but they’re all jerks?”  “What if whimsical thing... but they’re the Avengers?” “What if whimsical thing... but pop culture reference?” 

Despite about a million roadblocks in it’s way, Storks manages to be both sweet and hilarious, aided by the talents of Key and Peele, and a genuinely amazing bond between the two leads. Fair warning, you’re probably going to hate this movie if you dislike fast-paced comedy. It’s- it’s everywhere.

The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)

An astounding movie that works as both a parody and homage to the Batman mythos. Every single joke stuck, every character was perfect, and the celebrity voice actors didn’t stick out at all. And, obviously, this is the only version where Babs/Batman isn’t creepy as hell. COUGH COUGH.

TOP 3

The Star (2017)

I wasn’t expecting this movie to be as good as it was. 

Yeah, not the nicest way to start off the best of the best list, but keep in mind this was 4 months after The Emoji Movie. After that train-wreck, Sony steps back into its stride, and creates a very sweet, very simple Christmas film. It’s still a movie for very little children, though. You know Jesus is going to get born, you know that the cute widdle aminals are going to make it through, and you know they're not going to kill off the Oprah camel and Kelly Clarkson horse.

Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017)

A soft reboot is exactly what the Smurf Cinematic Universe needed. I’m not kidding, the characters are more likable, the stakes actually mean something, the animation is gorgeous and translates the DUCK Studios/Noble Animation versions into 3D perfectly, but I have just one question. Why didn’t they use this animation style in the first place? I’m sure it would’ve been better received than the terrifying, splotchy, blueberry gnome toddlers we got. 

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

My god, this movie knows exactly how to utilize CGI. Everything in this looks amazing! The story is just as fun, and the supporting cast is hilarious (maybe except for the love interest, who gets a little grating sometimes), and even watching the underwhelming sequel was entertaining because of how everything looked and sounded. Just, wow. Aesthetic, man. Aesthetic. 

Here’s to hoping the third one is good again.

BOTTOM 3

The Smurfs 2 (2013)

Gargamel makes Emo smurfs. Yup. Emo smurfs. They’re mean smurfs. They’re bad smurfs. Baaaaaad smurfs. Oh, and, uh, Lady Smurf is sad because everyone forgot her smurfing birthday, but it really was a surprise party. Smurfs to be her, I guess.

The Emoji Movie (2017)

It’s the freaking Emoji Movie. Do I even need to say anything else? Maybe I could point out that nobody is likable, they’re all selfish, and the only reason I didn’t tap out is because I honest-to-god wanted to see how the human kids turned out? 

Open Season (2006)

Yes. I think that Open Season is worse than The Emoji Movie. And why? Because Emoji movie never tried to force #FEELS into anything. It didn’t act like it was trying to be this beautiful, fantastical movie that would been seen with the likes of Citizen Kane. They cared about getting their cash, and that was that. 

But Open Season, you magnificent bastard, acted like after 80 minutes of poop jokes and the characters treating each other like trash, that it was this magnificent, astounding, feel-good film about love and friendship and ugh, every moment of “empathy” just feels so fake. WHY DID THEY MAKE THE ONLY NON-BIPEDAL, NON-HUMANOID, FEMALE IN THE MOVIE THE LOVE INTEREST, WHY.

Woman Yells at Dumb Animated Movies, 2018.

[fictionerd]

Good to see you, friends!

I’m breaking formula for this one. No “Read more” link. No Synopsis. Just thoughts. One thought in particular.

This show bored me.

You may have seen the writer’s ooc post about the show where he discovered the studio behind this hot mess. I knew we were in trouble the moment I realized that half of the people in this bar were hand-drawn and the other half CGI. As soon as I experienced that whiplash I looked this show dead in the eyes and said: “You get one shot. Impress me. Make me care enough to keep watching in spite of the artistic whiplash. Whatever you do. Do. NOT. Bore. Me.”

Friends, It failed. It failed hard. 

I’m (not quite) the man who watched ALL of Handshakers two years ago. All Kotobuki had to do was show me a smidge of potential. A spark of a reason to care. It didn’t do that. 

If I had to list this show’s greatest sin it would be that I was bored during the dogfight sequence.

I was BORED while there were planes flying in the sky around a zeppelin trying to shoot each-other out of the sky! That is a baaaaaad sign.

It may not surprise you that I am dropping this show. I’m dropping it like I dropped senior year calculus. I’m dropping it harder than Dracula dropping a wine glass.

“What is a man!? A miserable little pile of poor decisions.”

I’m out. I’m salty. I’m not sorry. Kotobuki... I wanted to like you. I really did, but you dun the one thing you absolutely should NOT have done. You gave me nothing to work with. At least Hand Shakers was so hilariously bad in places and surprisingly decent in others that it gave me something to talk about. You... you got nothing going.

Of course, dear readers, your mileage may vary. Who knows? Some one else may come along, think this is fan-freakin-tastic and write a forty page essay about how wrong I am, but somehow I doubt it.

Until next post keep talking fiction, friends. I’ll see you soon.

[wearesorcerer]

@graylok

So yes, there are three D&D movies.

@theoutcastrogue responded to the post thus:

(I have titled this screenshot "Rogue Being Awesome.png".)

That is pretty much all you need to know going in about how bad the first one (and thus the rest) are. And since both the app and my browser tried to prevent me from posting this, I'm betting that that's all that the universe wants you to know. But since I'm here to regale/remind everyone that the new D&D movie cannot be better than a Marvel movie, I'll give you some overview.

Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

It's baaaaaad. So bad that it flopped in theatres and the rest had to be buried as made-for-TV movies (2, apparently) or released straight to DVD (3).

The short version of the plot:

The Empire of Izmir (no relation to the Turkish city of the same name; capital Sumdal[l]) is ruled by a council of mages, who are also the elite caste with rights, and a bloodline monarchy, which is only able to maintain rule because it has a royal rod of (gold) dragon control (and summoning). The current empress, Savina (Thora Birch in her most wooden performance to date), wants to extend rights to the non-mages. The council kinda objects to this, most staunchly Profion (Jeremy Irons, who is only prevented from chewing up all of the scenery due to few lines and less screentime). He has already tried and failed to create his own rod of gold dragon control, so has decided to have the council strip the empress of her rod, thereby allowing him to take over the world or some such. She decides she needs to get the rod of Savrille (same thing, but with red dragons), so recruits a ragtag bunch of misfits with her elven ranger lackee to go find it.

Dragon #280 (on Sorcerers!) statted everyone except Richard O'Brien's (Riff Raff, Rocky Horror) head of the thieves' guild and Tom "The Doctor" Baker's elf healer (Baker is on record saying that the script was so bad he didn't know if he was playing an elf or an elk) in an attempt to get people interested. It didn't: the setting was terrible and the movie had barely any specifically D&D stuff to it (many fans complained that it was just generic high fantasy save for a beholder that is treated as a mook), the plot was mediocre, the characterization very trope-heavy and meagre, and the dialogue was awful. Neither fans nor general audiences liked it.

Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God (2005)

I thought this was a direct-to-DVD release, but the wiki claims that it was a made-for-TV movie. Given that there's a lot of CGI, this should tell you how good it is. It's better than the original by a wide margin and makes sure to use D&D specific allusions frequently and effectively, but it's not especially good. The second bad guy from the first movie is the main villain, which would be okay if any of the numerous special effects he needs to function worked. Like, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena had better special effects than this did and they ran from '95 to '99 and '01, respectively. The main characters (meaning the main party member and his wife) were okay and relatable, but all of the other characters were kinda flat (were given little in the way of development).

Part of me says that this is the best of the lot. Part of me thinks it's second best. Most of me agrees that it's mostly just mediocre, but at least much better than the first movie.

Dungeons & Dragons 3: The Book of Vile Darkness (2012)

In theory, D&D 2 is an indirect sequel to D&D 1 set a century or so later; in practice, the two are barely related at all. D&D 3 goes a step farther and tells a completely unrelated tale in a completely unrelated area.

The main character of this film is a recent initiate into a paladin order, but he fears (rightly) that their patron, Pelor, has forsaken them. He goes and tells his father (also a member of the order), but is still discouraged, and then the entire group gets set upon by evil cultists, who murder everyone but the protagonist (left for dead) and his father (kidnapped for use as a sacrifice). The protagonist then has to pretend to be evil and join a party of evil characters to prevent his father from being used to help recreate The Book of Vile Darkness, which his paladin order had basically destroyed 2000 years prior.

Highlights of this film are a paladin having to break his code frequently in order to serve his deity (whom he's not even sure cares but to whom he always submits), frequent instances of said paladin at least topless (pecs... 🤤), a scene with both (he's washing himself in a river), and a case of intra-party flirtation that tempts an evil shadar-kai towards redemption.

If that were all, it would be the best of the lot. However, the rest of the party is cartoonishly evil, the questions of morality are hamfisted and shallow, and enough of the movie is just about showcasing late 3.5 stuff out of Libris Mortis and such alongside 4e stuff. There is a plot, but it's meandering and bland when not brutal or gross for the sake of brutality or grossness. Y'know, what you get if you read D&D material but don't actually try to portray evil characters (PC or NPC alike) as people. There are plenty of non-evil characters, as well, and they're all also rather flat. Indeed, the only things with a third dimension in this whole movie are the main character's pecs.

On the one hand, it tries its hand at a morally complex theme, so it should be the best. On the other, it does so so poorly that it's best forgotten.

The sad thing about posting about the latest D&D movie is that I feel the need to rewatch the other three to remind myself of what all happened. This is sad because, like I said, they're all pretty bad, especially the first one.

[samosasandchutney]

I ned someone to shit talk with about this TV show Aryan

[theappalachiandragon]

Oooooof that’s some baaaaaad cgi

PUT HIM BACK IN THE LAMP PUT HIM BACK IN THE FUCKING LAMP

[alipeeps]

It's the Chinese drama Guardian and I am obsessed. Some things you should be aware of though:

1. It's utter (wonderful) trash. :D The CGI is baaaaaad and other than the two main characters (these two ^) who are just all kind of amazing, a lot of the acting is baaaaaad.

2. It's full of plot holes and you *will* be confused, not least because it is based on a BL novel but because of censorship in China they couldn't go that route with the plot so it kinda derails a bit 2/3 in.

3. If you're into it for Shen Wei whump (the guy in the sweater vest above ^) be prepared for frustration. There is some nice whump in ep 2, and then only a sprinkling of little whumpy moments until around ep 38 onwards where there is serious whump. However, Zhao Yun Lan (in the white top) gets whumped aplenty, so there's that, and their relationship is just 1,000 kinds of adorable and well worth watching the show for.

4. It will break your heart. Seriously. cdramas tend to go for angsty endings and... yeah.

So now that you are fully prepared, if you want to watch it, here's a YouTube playlist of all 40 eps with English subtitles. Enjoy! :D