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rachelamberish · 3 months ago

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Comprehensive Veilguard Review (FULL SPOILERS)

What They Got Right:

-The environments. My God, seeing some of these locations that we’ve only read about for a decade had me getting legitimately choked up just looking at them. I cried entering the Grand Necropolis. I cried at Weisshaupt. I cried at Kal Sharok. The Ossuary. The Crossroads 2 Electric Boogaloo. Just all absolutely stunning, and so lovingly crafted.

-The art direction, on top of that. They kind of go hand in hand, but genuinely, it’s great. I think the art director deserves a raise for the candlehops alone.

-The music. I love it. I know it’s not what it has been, but I think it’s fucking great. The Blight theme is far and away the best, but so many of the other tracks really fully commit to the fantasy-futurism aesthetic that has been crafted by the art direction and I think it’s so fucking cool that the music has evolved as we travel to new locations and the world of Thedas really opens up.

-Companions. I’ve spoken a little about this already. But yes, the companions are incredible. The pacing of getting to know each of them is so well executed. (It feels unfortunate that the same cannot be said about the story as a whole, really). They are each truly so memorable and I think BioWare knocking it out of the park with its companions is nothing new.

-Vocal Performances. Gareth David Lloyd should be lauded for his work as Solas. You can hear how that performance has evolved and matured over the years like a fine wine. His vicelike grasp on the nuance of that character transcends even the game’s often questionable writing. Truly incredible stuff. I also have to mention Jee Young Han for Bellara, and Bryony Corrigan and Alex Jordan for two versions of Rook. The rest of the cast is fantastic as well, those four are just so incredibly standout to me.

-This feels very specific but The Siege of Weisshaupt. That quest. Is. *chefs kiss emoji*. It’s giving game of thrones season 8 episode 4 the long night where i cant see anything but also i have existential dread!!!! Love that

-Codex entries are as well written as they ever have been, so no dip in quality of the writing there. Particularly a huge fan of the passive aggressive emails sent between Solas and the Evanuris like they were all shitty coworkers. Elgar’nan screaming “i’m the ELDEST BOY!!!” at the top of his lungs à la Kendall Roy while he and solas bicker about who was conceived of by the Fade first. Very good stuff

-Ghilan’nain is an eldritch horror lesbian witch and that is so so cool. Thank you bioware

-Maevaris Tilani

-Combat and performance. Because neither of these are story stuff, I’ll throw these together. The game performs like a fucking dream and is incredibly optimized. The combat feels amazing and I genuinely look forward to combat encounters rather than dreading them. No notes.

….The Rest, in No Particular Order:

- Morrigan forgiving her mother and the game erasing Flemeth’s nastiness was truly vomit-inducing so thanks for that one bioware

- Is Mythal good or bad bioware please answer the question and you CAN’T look at your notes

- They do get Solas mostly spot-on but Mythal is so inconceivably bad and it’s hard to divorce the two. Ironic, considering that they should be the most divorced couple that ever lived

-"Flemeth's piece of Mythal was the good version actually and was completely uncorrupted" bitch HOW?!!??!??!!?! FUCKING HOW?!?!? Literally A GAME AGO she screams at Morrigan and Lavellan about "a reckoning that will shake the heavens" promising vengeance for her betrayal because she's done nothing but stew ALONE in her anger for 2,000 years, ALSO piling on the rage and betrayals of Flemeth and (I think it's safe to presume at this point) Andraste and EVERY OTHER host she's had. If we have learned ANYTHING about spirits and "abominations" through four games it is that the spirit becomes corrupted "against its original purpose" when fused with the negative emotions of its host. What was the point of Anders, if not to foreshadow what Flemeth truly was? A spirit of justice corrupted against her purpose by living inside righteously angry women for millennia? If anything the Dagger-version of Mythal would be the uncorrupted one. Sure, she'd be lonely and pissed too but that would be the truest version to who Mythal ACTUALLY was from before. A mixed bag of grief and anger and hurt and pride. But the rage inside Flemeth's Mythal would be wild and unfettered. She would be almost unrecognizable.

-I'm moving on from Mythal now because ranting any more about her in this game is actually going to give me an aneurysm.

- Yeah this game suffers from lack of roleplay and choice carryover. It’s impossible to avoid. It was okay to suspend roleplay in a game like, say, Dragon Age 2, because Hawke as the game wrote her was such a strong personality and memorable protagonist. Rook is…. not that. Which is okay for a blank slate protagonist, but they’re also not that either. And i think they didnt commit, fully, to the idea of less roleplay. Because they *tried* to give you origin stories, but they don’t end up feeling like they truly inform the character in the way that they do in Origins, or even in Inquisition. Say what you will about Inquisition’s roleplay options, but Lavellan being Dalish DEFINES her character.

- And what do you know. Yeah. It was bad that they only let us carry over three choices. Who could have seen that one coming. It’s almost like everyone ever was like “wow. That sucks. Please reconsider.” And then they didn’t.

- And it also gets extra confusing when you realize that the three choices they said were going to matter a LOT literally don’t. At all. So that was a lie. I guess. Even Solas romancers who were being PANDERED to apparently get…like two mentions of something that feels like it should be so pervasive throughout the whole story. And one ending.

- Solavellan writing failure gets its own bullet point actually. There was so much ample opportunity for Lavellan’s presence in this story to be amplified. For the Lighthouse to contain more traces of her. In codex entries, in murals. I get that Solas probably wouldn’t talk about her to Rook much. But the fact of his yearning is downplayed when it should be overplayed. He yearns for this woman who made him think he was worth something for the first time since he took a physical body, while clouded by regret for his feelings for a long-dead woman who made him hate himself. That’s the saddest fucking story ever. Why does this game not lean into it more? I don’t know. You don’t know. None of us know.

- BioWare kind of forgot that fifty percent of the Tevinter population is slaves. What do the shadow dragons even do? There are apparently no slaves left to free!!

- BioWare kind of forgot that the Crows are very cool and yes very Italian!! 🤌🤌🤌 but also buy child slaves and turn them into soldiers by systematically weeding empathy out of them. So where was any of that.(*where is Zevran or someone who fills the role of that character. He is so desperately needed to portray the Crows with any nuance.*)

- The depiction of the Qunari/kossith, outside of Taash’s storyline (which I actually think was a very thoughtful examination of the intersection of gender and Qunari ideology), is actually the craziest most stereotypical one-note racist bullshit i’ve ever seen and i am shocked any writer allowed that to be the final product.

- You know what yes i also noticed that you couldn’t ever be mean in this game and also Rook smiles so much. She smiles when saying things she should not smile about. Idk why but that bothers me. And why are her hands always on her hips? What is she hiding

- The exposition-heavy dialogue is terrible at the start, gets way better around the first act break, then turns dangerously close back around to Avengers-style “Well, that just happened!” and it’s a mixed bag that I don’t know what to do with. I can’t blame bioware for the exposition, I’m sure that’s an EA directive of “pander to the people that want to come into the fourth installment of a series knowing nothing and not be completely lost”. But the rest…..let’s just say I can feel how many people had their hands in writing this. And I can feel it because the quality swings back and forth so wildly it gives me whiplash.

- Because of no choice carryover cameos feel like cardboard cutouts of characters. Dorian worked for me because he was doing things he would be doing anyway and it is passively mentioned that he and the Inquisitor are in close contact. Isabela is skinny like a twig now i guess (??? Hate that) and i’m happy for her whole lords of fortune thing but she is made lesser by being completely divorced from Hawke. Same for Varric, although at least he has more to do. Morrigan…………………………………………………………………anyway moving on.

- The Dalish.

- BioWare kind of forgot that Solas doesn’t hate blood magic. Doesn’t use it personally. But doesn’t hate it. Also what he does to gain a connection to Rook is LITERALLY blood magic. I don’t fucking know WHY he/the game insists that it’s not. I’m beside myself with that one.

- BioWare kind of forgot about the brewing elven uprising led by Solas that they set up at the end of Trespasser and instead now he’s a lone actor and everyone hates him. Like no. No actually some elves would have found what he was doing very cool and a great alternative to the terrible hand the world has dealt them. Perhaps all those elven Tevinter slaves you forgot to put in the game.

- BioWare kind of forgot about Briala in their rush to say “but nothing in southern thedas matters!!!”

- Cole should be in this game and the fact that he is not is actually fucking baffling.

- VERY BIG SPOILER Varric dying is fine actually and the one thing i’m literally perfectly okay with so idk why i put it down here other than it feels wrong putting this spoiler at the top lmao. But yeah that’s fine. We knew it was coming and Peepaw needed rest anyway. Good reveal, no issue there.

- Lucanis’ bugged romance ruined my life

- I made a separate post about this but Veilguard has single handedly eradicated mystery in the Dragon Age series without creating any new mystery and it’s what I’m legitimately the most sad about.

All in all, a mixed bag. I enjoyed my time with it, but it left me sad at times and not in the good way. The idea I have of Dragon Age in my head will always be more true to Dragon Age to me than this was, and I can live with that, I was just hoping for better on a lot of writing fronts.

#dragon age #datv spoilers #dragon age: the veilguard #veilguard spoilers #datv

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numberonetacostan · 17 days ago

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TACO'S TIRADE ANALYSIS

OKAY! It is time for the requested analysis of Taco’s Tirade. This is my first time doing a big analysis of like, anything, so I’m very sorry if this is the worst take on the song of all time or if everything I’m saying is obvious!! Can anyone tell i'm nervous about posting this lol. I have a lot of thoughts about Taco and her Tirade. I love it so much. Feel free to imagine me gesturing wildly with tears in my eyes as you read this. We’ll go in sections based on the lyrics and visuals :) Lyrics will be inside brackets, then commentary will be below! Please enjoy!! <3

Tw: slight discussion of suicidal ideation

[Any moment now...

Are you sure this is what you want?

(Scoff) Oh spare me your spin, you tablet tabloid. If you want to psychoanalyze someone, don't look at me.]

Alright, so we immediately see Taco still in a very emotional state. Mepad asking if she’s sure she wants to interfere with the challenge immediately provokes her, and starts her off on her entire tirade. Because he asked if she was sure. She immediately insults him and moves to change the subject and get his attention off of herself and her own mental well-being. She’s very in-denial of her own emotions and emotional pain in this song, as we’ll see going forward, and remains quite defensive for a lot of the song.

[Look at them! It's so pathetic,

How they run to fetch their sticks.

Sure, call me polemic, unsympathetic,

At least I know other tricks!]

We start here with her, as I stated, changing the subject and shifting the view onto the contestants figuratively and somewhat literally, as they’re all seen picking up the sticks for the challenge, although she still remains the main focus of the shot. We move to her dancing around Mepad, who takes up the center of the shot, but Taco is still the focus here!! She’s moved from deflecting conversation to the contestants to, in a way, defending herself, despite Mepad not having insinuated anything yet. Taco is calling herself polemic and unsympathetic here, not only because she thinks that of herself, what with her abysmal self-esteem that we see more of later in the song, but because she thinks that’s what Mepad thinks of her. Not only do her only other two friends ever hate her (I wouldn’t go that far for Mic, but that’s definitely what Taco thinks), but the rest of the season 1 cast don’t seem to think too highly of her either, yeah? Mephone certainly isn’t happy to see her soon after the song ends, and season 2 contestants like Mic and Suitcase have been shown to be wary of her before they’ve even met her. (She doesn’t know about the season 3 cast so they don’t really matter here.) The point being, Mepad is Mephone’s right hand (leg?) man, and Taco doesn’t know about their argument, so she’s pretty reasonably assuming that Mepad dislikes her just as much as everyone else does. So, she’s saying what she thinks he’s thinking about her before he can!! Forgive me for not knowing the technical name for it, but this is an actual way of deflecting criticism!! I’ll use an example. Say you made a drawing of a person, a little stick guy, but the proportions are off. One of their legs are way bigger than another, but you still want to post it anyway. To keep people from telling you that one leg is bigger than another, you might say “here’s my stick dude!! One leg is bigger than another but I’m too lazy to fix it.” By stating the potential criticism before anyone else can, it makes others MUCH less likely to comment on it themselves!! And that’s what I believe Taco is doing here!!! I hope I explained that well enough. She then goes on defending herself, self-justifying by saying she at least “knows other tricks.” I read this as her doing things outside the game, and it’s limits. That could be her acknowledging how she doesn’t play by the rules of the competition like they do, but I see it as a note of the hypocrisy/lying to herself we see from Taco in the song. And!! In the transition to the next verse, she has her eyes closed!! Which happens everytime we travel in and out of that purple-y space! We are seeing Taco’s inner image here people!!!!!

[Look at me and all you'll see is the debris of some defective outcast,

A frenetic, antithetic (if poetic) little iconoclast,]

Here we have Taco insulting herself more! Yay! She’s getting more emotional as we get into the song, and she becomes less and less able to keep her usually sturdy walls up. She’s just lost Mic, and as I’ll go over later in the analysis, is expecting she will be permanently dead relatively soon. Of course she’s having a lot of trouble keeping it together! You know how sometimes, if you’re trying not to cry and someone asks if you’re okay, it makes you burst into tears? It’s like that! Mepad asked if she was sure, and the dam began to break. So, the descriptors she uses tell us a lot about her view of herself!!! Debris. Broken remains of what was. That’s pretty accurate to how Taco is feeling right now. She’s drowning in debris, really! The debris of her old, broken friendships, the debris of her master plan to win season 1, and it’s to the point where she sees herself as broken and incomplete as well. She believes she’s broken!!! And that leads us right into her calling herself defective. Imperfect or faulty. She’s very separated from everyone else, yeah? Everyone else (to her knowledge) lives in the hotel. Everyone else is part of the group. Everyone else has people who care about them. Everyone else happily plays by the rules of the game. After everything, compared to everyone else? No wonder she sees herself as incapable of changing, she believes there’s something just, deeply wrong with her as a being. If everyone else can do this and have this, she has to be the problem. And almost right after she started putting forth that effort to get Mic to trust her, focusing on someone other than herself, Mic left her. Rightfully so, but please it is so important to think of it from Taco’s perspective rather than Mic’s in this analysis. Taco was trying to give Mic what she thought she wanted (recognition), trying to be a good friend, and it immediately lost her the most important person in her life. She’s been watching for years, she sees everyone else making strong connections, but she can’t do it when she tries. And before that, it’s her plan failing. Like Brian said in a stream, it was inconceivable to her that her plan would fail. Yet it did. And after a long enough time alone out in the woods, there isn’t anyone left to blame for that but herself. She was the reason her plan had failed, and she’d lost everything. Of course she’d see herself as defective. Outcast is pretty obvious, because she checks all of those boxes. Lives hidden, alone, and very much away from everyone else. She is very very much not part of the group anymore.

Frenetic!! Fast, wild, and uncontrolled. Frankly, something you’d be more likely to describe Taco’s season 1 persona with, yeah? It’s quite different from how Taco usually tries to present herself, being cunning and calculating around others. But of course, the further we get into the song, the more honest Taco unintentionally can get about how she sees herself. She had her whole plan for season 1 down, but it was in the end where she lost control over the situation in which she lost control of herself in which she lost everything. It was in the ship, where something she didn’t and realistically couldn’t have planned for happens that she once again lost control of the situation and thus control of herself, and used violence despite Mic’s plea not to, in which she lost everything again. Of course she’d see herself as wild and uncontrollable, because moments in which she was are standout moments of her life! Not to mention again, how she’s the contestant who tried to steal the prize and cheated in season 2. For better or for worse, she’s much less controlled by the rules of the game than the other contestants. Just another thing that separates her from the group, yeah? Antithetic!!!! In direct opposition to something. And the following word as well, iconoclast, an attacker of a beloved institution or beliefs. She’s against the game that everyone else plays again and again, something that really matters a lot to them, but we see in the show and especially in the finale that the game isn’t good for them. As much as it’s not always for quite the right reason and exactly how she ends up going about it, she has a strong point about the game itself and what it can do to all of them. But she still sees herself as the villain. Despite her genuine, and correct, belief that ending the game will make things better for everyone, she still sees herself as the villain!! And it’s an image of herself that she’s had for a long time, and that she can’t shake after everything, because she doesn’t believe she can be anything else. And I did not forget how she mentions herself as being “poetic!” Whether that’s her believing in “karmic justice” or whatever and that she got what was coming with her, or believing her role as a season 1 finalist who’s come back out of the shadows to try and end season 2, it is one of the few neutral adjectives she uses for herself in the song. It might even be her previous popularity and persona she’s referencing here, that antitheticism and iconoclasm being how she went from a silly, well-loved character to a serious, well. She’s still loved out of canon but none of the people she knows like her at all. She’s the antithesis of what she used to be, and her coming out of the act destroyed the beloved image of who she had pretended to be.

As for the visuals here, how the scene fades back into her and Mepad is so important! She falls off of a cliff into darkness!! A very clear visual representation of how she sees things having gone. After her fight over the suitcase with OJ in the s1 finale, she kept falling and falling and falling, deeper down into the dark hole she’s dug herself, until she’s landed right where she is as she’s singing. Not only that, but this visual is another excellent representation of how she sees things as over for her. How she sees herself as incapable of changing, starting over, or getting better at all. Think about the cliff we know of on the island. Now think about who actually fell off that cliff at the end of season 1. Think about what happened to them. They all DIED!!! And she is picturing herself falling off this cliff!! I doubt this was intended to be a sign of suicidal ideation for her, since ii does have a younger target demographic (ex. Justy said in a stream that OJ and Paper sleeping in the same bed would be a bit too mature), but it can definitely be read that way. Seeing herself as “dead” in a way revolves around that disbelief in self-improvement she has, she thinks it’s too late for her in the same way it’s too late to save someone who’s died!!! And if anyone is questioning whether the scene is just a visual effect or if it’s definitely Taco’s inner picture-y thing, please note her closed eyes during the transition from her falling from the cliff to standing with Mepad!! She is picturing these visuals as she sings!!

[But I won't live in the past.

(Spoken) I almost won this game once, you know. But!]

So we all agree that Taco is totally living in the past, right? She’s saying she’s moved on, she’s telling Mepad and herself that the past doesn’t matter and that she doesn’t care about it, and then immediately she mentions how she almost won before. She has not healed at all, and is not over a single thing that happened!!! She is doing so awful I love her <3. She longs for everything she’s lost constantly, because she’s lost everything!!!!!

[History is rearranged just to credit those who win the glory,

So reality is changed in the edit when they spin the story,]

So!!! Interestingly enough, I think that these lines are quite a bit about the disparities between OJ and Taco!! So, Taco had a whole strategy going into season 1 that got her into the finals, and had it not been for Bow, she would have won! She’d planned meticulously, and in the s1 finale is shown to have great physical capabilities, at least to the point to which she was able to get way ahead of OJ. And, while this may be by great bias towards Taco speaking at least in part, OJ… did not go to such lengths. Don’t get me wrong though, this is definitely a thing. It’s brought up in the show that he wasn’t a huge player in the game! Multiple times!!! S1E15 “The Tile Divide,” after OJ wins immunity with help from Paper Mephone4 says “OJ wins! Wow, that hasn’t happened for a while.” And in S1EP16 “The Penultimate Poll,” Pickle says “-even though [OJ] barely actually won any challenges.” Yet after all is said and done, Taco is outcasted, has nothing, and is disliked by pretty much everyone, and OJ is hailed as the “King of Inanimate Insanity”, is rich, and becomes the de facto group leader with his hotel. The way the narrative has been spun does certainly glorify OJ beyond his actual performance in the competition. And with OJ having his massive ego problems, I don’t doubt that he definitely let that get to his head and contributed to that narrative himself.

And in this shot we have Taco looking down at the hotel from the forest, the same way she’s looking down on everyone participating in the game and how she’s been watching Mic (and presumably Pickle) from the outside. Only now, she’s even further away from them.

[And we choose, to feel this pain,]

Taco denying her emotions again!!!! She likes to be in control, and she can not control her feelings nor keep pushing them down as she has been, so she’s onto deny deny deny!! She is in a lot of pain, and she knows it, so she deflects by saying she’s choosing to feel the pain of her losses. She’s keeping up her act, her defense, by desperately holding on and pretending she has control over these feelings!! I’m certain she’s tried to control them!! To justify herself, replace loneliness with anger, but it hasn’t worked!!! And her defensiveness is reflected in the visuals as well, her putting her hand up to keep a distance between her and Mepad, her still stubbornly keeping up those walls and forcing him away as he looks concerned for her.

[And we lose, more than we gain…]

OH BOY TIME TO LOSE MORE THAN WE GAIN. I use this phrase daily. I'm serious. A pretty obvious reference to Mic having said she gained nothing, and also an acknowledgement that their partnership truly meant something to Taco and is still greatly affecting her. Which is obvious to the audience, but not only is Mepad learning things about Taco and her issues through the song, but we really see Taco starting to fall apart, accidentally implying the feelings that she’s so desperate to keep down!! She’s like a trauma volcano <3. Anyways, Taco had gained a lot when she’d met Mic, even if it took her quite some time to realise, and by the time she did she’d lost it all, again. AS FOR THE VISUALS we once again move into Taco’s head!! The transitions here for the beginning and end of this short sequence have her with her eyes closed!! She’s walking, and hard stops when she sees Pickle and the time travel portal. You see her little feet slide to a stop on her heels! She leans away from him, leans towards him just a tad, and immediately turns and walks away, only to see Mic. She hard stops when she sees Mic too, though it’s less extreme than it was for Pickle. And when she does this, she reaches a hand out towards Mic. It’s for a few reasons I think. Holding it out to try and keep that hurt away, protect her from her thoughts of missing Mic and how much she must hate her, fully reaching out because she misses Mic dearly and that pain is so fresh, reaching out to the person she’s been so close to, closer than anyone before. Another part of it, I think, is how her conflicts with both Pickle and Mic went. With Pickle, Taco was the one who insulted him, claimed they were never friends, and cut things off. Thus, she hard stops when she sees him, only leans a bit closer to him, before turning around and walking away. With Mic, Taco was the one who was left this time. Mic cut things off with her. So she’s left reaching out to Mic, as Mic’s image leaves the screen, and Taco collapses onto her knees where she is. Taco’s left on the ground, squeezing her eyes closed and clutching her head as the darkness in the background, the darkness in Taco’s head closes in on her, until she closes her eyes and jumps straight back into her villain act, the song speeding up with her as she keeps trying to get away from all of her feelings!!! My queen with awful coping skills <3.

[But I will break this cycle,

Of mistakes, unlike all,

Of these snakes whom I call to condemn,]

So! We see Taco hard cutting from her guilt and sadness, straight into her evil plan. Right back into her villain front as she realises she’s begun to open up and get emotional!!! So she’s explaining her plan to Mepad, and projects her own self-hatred and experiences very hard onto the contestants. She’s upset about what happened between her and Mic and sees the game as at fault for what happened as she’s trying to justify things to herself, and push down the guilt she feels about their split. Heck, I’d say she’s probably blaming the game for what happened between her and Pickle right now, even if that one is more on her. And she sees the final four as complacent in what the game does, with them all continuing even though none of them are even enjoying themselves anymore. Most of them haven’t been enjoying themselves for a while now, but they still stay in line and play, as they’re programmed to. This is a bit off track, but it’s important to keep in mind that at this point, Taco has been acting more outside of her programming for longer than any of the other contestants. She was never in whatever sort of waiting-mode they end up in inside the hotel, and she’s cared less and less about the rules of the game as time has gone on. Her plot in the first season was done fully inside the rules of the game, but we see her having broken out of those constraints in season 2, with her encouraging Mic to straight up attack other contestants, which is implied by Taco to be against the rules. And she keeps interfering against those same rules of the competition. Like Marsh breaking the rules by leaving the show’s parameters, Taco explicitly goes against what is meant to happen in the game. And here she is at the peak of that, having gone from breaking the rules of the game to wanting to break the game, the cycle of mistakes, entirely. Her calling the remaining contestants “snakes” of all things specifically is interesting as well, since I’m sure plenty of the season 1 cast would use that to describe Taco. Part of it is her projecting, but another part of it is her actually seeing her own mistakes in the remaining contestants. Keeping secrets from each other (Knife), never properly talking out interpersonal issues (Suitcase & Baseball), and plain loneliness (Lightbulb). And she’s condemning them for their complacency in all of it, for their actions, most certainly in part with her efforts to ignore her own feelings and as well to call out how the game changes people and makes them act.

[If I can't win the prize,

I'll play this last reprisal,

Just to bring their lies all to an end.

-Ack!]

The first line here is more of Taco playing up her villain act. She mentions later on in the episode, while she’s being more honest since it’s surrounding Mic territory, to the final four that she doesn’t care about the money anymore. And I really believe she doesn’t! She’s broken out of that programming after having connected with Mic. She was one of the contestants, if not the contestant, made to be most dedicated to getting that money, so of course she mentions it as she’s still desperately keeping up her front!!! But she says in the very next line that this is her “last reprisal,” she clearly doesn’t intend to interfere or interact with the game again, much less try to swoop in and steal the million. And the last reprisal line is very important!!!! Notice how in the visuals, Taco lets herself fall out of a tree as she says this and upon landing she’s hurt by her injury. There is symbolism here guys!!!!!!! She is letting herself fall here. In her eyes, she doesn’t have anything left to fight for anymore. She’s lost the people important to her, she’s lost any goals she’d had driving her forward, and she hates herself!! She knows she’s injured, and that her injury could very well be lethal, as we see later in the episode, but she’s doing nothing to minimize the risk to herself. She’s not going to sit away and let herself feel and process, she’s going to burn the game down and die with it!!!! This, my friends, is called passive suicidal ideation and self-destructive behavior!!!!! And her facade starts to falter again and she mentions bringing their lies to an end!! Because she is lying to herself, and she herself is not ready to stop holding on to her lies, either to herself or to others in her persona. Bringing the game and all the lies tangled up in it to an end means she would finally have to face everything, and just thinking about that is enough to wipe the villainous grin off her face. But she’s still stubbornly going through with her plot, because she isn’t truly expecting she’ll have to face it, again because she is fully expecting to die permanently in the near future!!!!

[You need regeneration.

Unfortunately, I don't have much faith in that process.

Of course not.

Why "of course not?".

You believe yourself to be incapable of starting over, in more ways than one. I do not know who you lost, but is it not possible to get them back?]

MEPAD TIME!!!! Okay, here we have Mepad (rip king you would have loved the storyboards of your own death) urging Taco to heal!!! He’s looking out for her physical well-being, he can tell that she’s in pain and that her injury is quite dangerous, that being especially obvious the way he emphasises “need” in the line. And he is implying that she needs emotional healing as well!! He starts his Therapad-ing in his next line!! <3 He is very clearly worried about her, a lot of his presence in the first half of the song is just him looking at Taco with big concerned eyes!!!

And Taco has zero faith in the recovery process, between her, as Mepad helpfully says, believing herself to be incapable of starting over in more ways than one, her believing no one would want her to be recovered, her having a hunch of Mephone’s reluctance to revive her, or her own inability to see much of a future for herself, she does not believe she can come back!!! Angst!!!!! She is hurting so bad I love her <3

And Mepad is an empathy king!! And is probably the least biased against her out of everyone on the island!! And he can see beneath her crumbling exterior!!!! So her self-loathing and regret and everything she’s trying to push down is obvious to him. Of course she doesn’t believe she can be revived. And we see even Taco is surprised and even a bit miffed by this!!! Aside from Mic to a lesser extent, Mepad is the only person who can really see through her facade. Mic did try, and saw that Taco was hiding things, don’t get me wrong, but Taco was much more stable at that point and shut Mic’s attempts to see underneath her image down much harder than she is able to do during the song.

And Mepad plainly spells out what she’s feeling. This is so important to why she opens up to him more in the next verse. Not only can she not hide her emotions from him, because he already knows, but having it spelled out like that means she can’t keep hiding it from herself either. She can’t ignore her feelings when they’re being clearly stated back to her. So all that she’s been pushing down comes springing right back up in the next verse!!!! She has to physically turn away from him and cross her arms in a final attempt to keep herself closed off, keep anyone from looking in, but after everything she just can’t do it anymore.

["Clear the slate, start again",

Are you hearing how preposterous that sounds?

How do you not comprehend that for someone with my MONSTROUS BACKGROUND,

the whole slate has fallen apart!]

Oh my god guys Taco is being honest about her feelings it’s happening guys it’s happening!!!!! She’s turned away from Mepad for the first two lines, but as she really opens up to him, she turns back around, and gets louder along with the music. And we have Taco be like, the most emotionally open we see her!!! She’s putting Mepad’s rather succinct evaluation of her feelings into her own words. She doesn’t just think she can’t change or have a new start, she finds the notion preposterous!!! Forgiveness is inconceivable to her!!! Inconceivable!!! I can’t emphasize enough that this is the first time Taco has ever emotionally opened up to anyone ever and it is her telling Mepad that she is evil, unable to change, and will never be forgiven. We really get a feel for how everything has been weighing down on her for years, and how everything has built up to a point that she really can’t take it anymore!! But she doesn’t believe there’s any chance of a happy ending for her. Not only the whole slate, but her entire life has fallen apart!! She has lost everything and is fully confident she will never get anything back!!!

[Taco, that is not true.

There are other ways to-

It's too late-

It's not too late,

For me to restart!]

Mepad coming in trying to help <3 Notice how he comes in while she’s still holding the previous note!! He is immediately refuting her idea that she’s irredeemable!! He does the same to refute her when she says it’s too late!!! He is very concerned for her and trying to convince her that it’s not too late for her. He’s trying to tell her there are other options, that she’s not so far gone, but this sort of ends up backfiring, since not only does she not listen to him when he says these things but his interjection ends up snapping her out of the state of emotional vulnerability, and she pulls her facade right back up. Taco saying it’s too late for her kind of breaks my heart honestly, I love it when my blorbo is in pain don’t get me wrong but ow, my taco it’s gonna be okay I love you. She really sees no redemption or even future for herself, and at her lowest she’s finally expressed that to someone!!! Which is a very important step to healing!!!! She accidentally started the healing process by talking about her issues. I mean, she backpedals immediately, but still!!!! Great job Taco <3 And at the end of this line we head into Mepad’s face!! Because there’s a shift from Taco’s feelings to her pushing him away, literally and figuratively, after that moment of vulnerability!! The audience is going with Mepad, at the moment, chasing after Taco!!!

[But it's not I, its they,

Who deign to play this game, so,

Cruel and inhumane, base and uncouth,]

AND HERE COMES TACO WITH THE IMMEDIATE SUBJECT CHANGE!! She just did her first ever emotional vulnerability, and as per her usual strategy with her emotions she’s hard changing the subject!!! In this case, back to the final four and the game!!! She’s deflecting back on to both of them in quick succession trying to get a topic that isn’t her to stick! She is quite literally walking away from the topic in the visuals too!! She’s trying to get away from Mepad, who is trying to keep them on the subject of Taco’s feelings, looks back at him angrily when he keeps talking about it, and then is even more angry when he keeps going, before storming away from him again!!!

[Let us talk about it when your,

head is not so clouded. You're no,

menace, Taco, how did they hurt you?

Please think this through]

Mepad is trying to get her to go back to that emotional vulnerability!!! He wants to help her, he wants to talk through her issues with her rather than watching her self-destruct!!! I think this is where the idea that running the Truth or Flare challenge will help her comes from, too. He can tell she’s vulnerable, despite how hard she’s trying not to be, and she is talking things out, in a way, during ToF!! In a healthy way, no, but it’s Taco so we need to take what we can get. As he says, he’d rather do it when Taco has calmed down, taken a moment to not bury her feelings and even gets recovered, maybe. And here we get to a very important line!! Mepad asks her how they hurt her!!!! I genuinely don’t think Taco’s been asked this, yeah? Her whole schtick is supposed to be that she is the villain, she hurts people, not how she’s been hurt herself! And dare I say, me, the biggest Taco apologist and forehead kisser you ever did see, they have hurt her. She’s seen every other person who’s hurt the others be let into the hotel and accepted into the group, yeah? Balloon was accepted, after quite a bit of effort on his part. No one really seemed to care that Knife had killed Marsh for fun, Taco mentioning it in episode 13 as they’re arguing. Nickel and Taco are relatively similar in personality, but Nickel seemed to have relatively free reign to asshole all he wanted until Suitcase snapped at him, and even then it was just Suitcase who was angry with him. But not her. She hasn’t apologized to Pickle in person, at this point, but she had sent letters. She’d at least tried to contact him, and while he was well within his rights to ignore her, I can’t really blame her for not wanting to go inside the hotel either. Not to mention, Taco has been watching them all very closely, at least for the duration of the second season and likely after the first as well, for her to have found out about the second season and to have begun scheming so quickly. So every time they’ve spoken about her, every insult and awkward silence after someone mentions her name, she’s heard. That’s got to hurt!! Taco is very much not perfect and I don’t really blame the others for not reaching out to her given she hadn’t decided to make a change yet, but it also can’t be easy to make a change for the better when you are homeless in the woods!! Mic and Mepad’s willingness to help her is what really convinced her change would be good and possible, she hadn’t had anyone else reach out to her before, and to be fair, she folds pretty damn quickly in the grand scheme of things. Mic showed her she was likable as a person, and Mepad showed her she was redeemable, and with that support she is doing her best now!!! Anyways. Uh. There’s still one more line!! Mepad is pleading with Taco not to make things worse for herself, because taking over the challenge and such is only going to make them think she hasn’t changed at all and feed into the persona he knows is a sham in shambles at this point! Talking it out with him would be a much better way to do this!!! But alas, she’s dead set.

[I think they're too afraid to,

Bear the bed they've made,

Can't bring themselves to face the awful truth.]

TACO & THE AWFUL TRUTH that she’s projecting. Yeah Taco is the one who is afraid to actually face her mistakes, the people she’d hurt. Though, she probably sees her isolation as doing so, yeah? She’s hurt people, so she has to be alone as punishment, even though that doesn’t give anyone closure. However! As for the awful truth, yeah, Taco really is one of the only ones who’s looked the competition in the eyes for everything it is and spat on it. She’s motivated by a lot of complicated feelings she tries not to feel, but she sees the game for what it is, and how it hurts the contestants involved!! And the final four are yet to take that look, until she gets everything laid out in front of them!!

[Feeling double-crossed is part of,

Dealing with a loss, yes, but the,

Healing is a process, that's the truth]

FEELING DOUBLE-CROSSED this line is also important because!! Taco does feel betrayed by Mic!! She feels guilty and blames herself for what happened, yes, but she still does feel that sting of betrayal, since Mic left her, yeah? Oh her part, she’d finally accepted Mic as her first true friend, someone who liked her for who she was and she liked being around, and almost immediately Mic left her. A lot of that is on Taco, don’t get me wrong, but from Taco’s end she still doesn’t even fully understand why Mic was mad at her!! She thinks it was all because of her getting violent, not because she didn’t listen to Mic. My low empathy queen is still struggling to fully grasp Mic’s motivations, her first friend that she could act “normal” around, so of course she’d feel betrayed! Taco is dealing with a loss!!!!!!!!! And she is NOT healing!! She is trying to push it down like always, but it’s become too much for her!!! And Mepad is telling her that healing is a process because it’s so much for her at the moment!! He’s trying to communicate that she’s going to feel better eventually, that she needs help and time to do so, instead of rushing into another scheme!!! He’s telling her the truth, that healing is possible!!! But as Taco rejects his pleas for her to reconsider and grabs him, we shift back into reality. Taco is unconvinced, and they’re more or less at square one, with Taco’s mask for the rest of the world securely back in place.

Everyone look at this shot RIGHT NOW I’m going to explode. All these cracks come from the ii logo that Taco stomped on, yeah? And those cracks in the game spread, and create the cracks in her. She has been broken by the game!!! Look at her face! Does she look whole and happy to you? I didn’t think so. And here we have Taco close to the camera, looking out towards the viewer, to illustrate how although she’s separate from the game, more of a spectator than the player anymore, she’s still trapped inside the competition that’s broken her!! And we have Mepad in the background, further away with his position as an assistant!! The cracks are all around him rather than through him, because he’s not being hurt by the game!! He’s not a competitor!! But the game is crumbling everything around him. He’s watched everything, just like Taco has!! Every betrayal, every fight this season, Mepad has been watching. And the more he’s been seeing, the more he’s been feeling, and the more he’s been able to see how the game tears people apart and breaks them, just like it’s broken Taco. And yes, the cracks line up with the cracks on his screen when he DIES. I don't want to think about that. I miss you Mepad.

[So I'm turning up the heat to "sauté",

I've a beef to get grilled,

But I fully guarantee that today all the beans that get spilled,

Won't be mine, no I'm fine,

Shhhh...

Now it's time…]

Guys I think Taco might not be fine. She’s shoved her facade right up and has closed herself back off, moving to continue with her plot. She’s going to grill the final four and 100% not get upset or feel any feelings, nope. Of course this is not what happened, and from Taco’s facial expression when she claims to be fine she has a hunch it’s not going to be so easy. She knows and has acknowledged to herself that she is not okay, which is a big step, but she still stuck in her ways in terms of ignoring it in favor of playing the role she’s been designated. Her mask is cracked, her confidence is transparent, but she’s still acting. Mepad is still trying to help her here, but she physically silences him. Not literally, per say, as turning him invisible wouldn’t stop him from talking, but she shushes him and he gets the memo. The window to convince her to stop has closed, and she’s going forth with her plan regardless of how well she is.

She finishes the song settling back into her act and proclaiming she's fine, though by her facial expression we can easily tell that she can't fool even herself anymore. She knows she's falling apart, but shoves it under an evil smirk. Two last notable things are her adjusting her bowtie and the music playing as she does so!! Her adjusting her bowtie here is equivalent to her adjusting her metaphorical villain mask, yeah? The bowtie has been quite symbolic of her season 2 villain era, and this is her making sure it's straight for her last act in said persona. The music, as well, has symbolism!! I like to think of it as the sound of breaking away from the game, yeah? It's in Afterlife in the Limelight, in which Bow sings about how much she needs the game and Marsh sings about how it changes and ruins people, and in the end they both agree that it's really no way of living at all. Taco, here, is also going against the game, not just breaking its rules but recognizing that the entire game is broken and how that hurts those involved!!!

THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!!! <3 I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!! I REALLY HOPE THIS DIDN’T SUCK. IT TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE SO IF IT SUCKS THAT SUCKS FOR ME. HOPEFULLY I DIDN’T MISS TOO MUCH. THROW TOMATOES AT ME IF I DID (i will be sad). GIVE ME COOKIES IF NOT (joy inducers).

#inanimate insanity #ii taco #taco ii #ii mepad #mepad ii #fuck it #tacopad #tw suicidal ideation #loomy's analysis #loomy's metas #loomy's tired after this it was 12 pages #mic ii #ii mic #pickle ii #ii pickle #ii 15 #taco's tirade

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wing-ed-thing · 2 years ago

Text

Marriage Pact (Erwin x Reader) Part I

Synopsis: To the surprise of the cadets, Commander Erwin is married to more than just his work. Their curiosity brings up fond memories of your and Erwin’s early days in the scouts.

Word Count: 5K

Tags/Warnings: Language, Mild Sexualization, Drinking Alcohol, Gender Neutral Reader, Non-Binary Hange, Fluff

Notes: My favorite part of writing for AoT is that most fics take place in this nebulous part of the timeline due to the years between the season releases (especially between 1-2). Ah, it makes it all the much simpler to be self-indulgent.

Song Pairing: Rumors are Flying - Frankie Carle

“Commander Erwin is married?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

Mikasa delivered a swift swat to the back of Eren’s head, causing him to nearly choke on his rations. Sitting around the wooden table, the group quickly dismissed his complaints, a chorus of playful snickers and jabs drowning him out. After a long day of adrenaline-filled work, the members of the 104th readily accepted any entertainment, no matter how low-hanging.

“He wears a ring on his finger. How could you not notice?” Jean scoffed, pausing with his mug halfway to his lips. His brows furrowed in judgment as he leaned with his elbows on the table. “With your level of observational skill, I wouldn’t be surprised if you got chomped off your horse the moment you stepped outside the wall.” Eren followed suit, leaning forward and circumventing Mikasa’s presence entirely to shoot a pointed glare at Jean. Jean sipped his beverage, pretending not to notice.

“Oh, shut up,” Eren gritted through clenched teeth and an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “Why would I be looking at Commander Erwin’s hands in the first place—” Sasha nodded a few times into her bread.

“Yeah! I always just look at his ass!” Sasha’s admission made any words die on Jean’s lips, his face contorting from self-assured condescension to acutely horrified confusion. Connie let out a bombastic cackle as the table turned their attention to Sasha. She quirked a brow as she stuffed more food into her mouth. “What? Good looking man, good looking ass….”

“That’s a married man you’re talking about, Sasha!” Connie scolded, his tone laced with a comical bite.

“If he’s even married!” She jabbed her pointer finger out in front of her, gesturing wildly to her group of friends. She shrugged, finally swallowing her mouthful of food as she stroked her chin. Sasha cast her eyes downward in thought. “We don’t know that for sure….”

“Like hell we do!” Jean sputtered, finally pulling himself together. He glanced around at the others in hopes that someone else would be on his side. “He is. He literally wears a wedding ring.” He waved his palms in circles in front of himself, growing frantic as no one appeared to back him.

“That doesn’t mean he’s married.” Connie mirrored Sasha, the two taking greater joy in their posing than the conversation itself. Jean threw up his hands, letting his palms slap against his lap.

“What the hell else could it mean? What else could wearing a ring on his ring finger mean?” He locked eyes with Armin, who quickly tore his gaze away. Apparently, it was a tough recruitment day for the Coalition of Reason.

“Well… It’s just that…” Eren trailed off. Jean’s eyes shot up at him, almost daring him to side with Sasha and Connie’s comically stupid reasoning. Eren quirked the side of his lips almost indifferently. “He just doesn’t seem like the type for that kinda thing, you know?” Connie shook his head, tearing the crust off his bread as he did so.

“I disagree; Commander Handsome is hot.”

“No, no, now you’re talking about two different things,” Reiner interjected, apparently having reached the threshold to have skin in the debate about Erwin’s marital status. His arms coiled across his chest as he sat up a bit straighter. “Someone can be hot and not be married or vice-versa. I rest my case.” He nodded to himself confidently.

“He’s literally wearing a wedding ring!” Jean exclaimed with exasperation, accenting each of his words as he pounded his fist on the table. No one seemed to notice.

“It would have to be someone who isn’t in the military,” Ymir told Christa. The pair were having a separate conversation near the end of the table. Reiner leaned forward to catch Ymir’s eye. She narrowed her gaze before he even spoke.

“Why d’ya think that?”

Ymir rolled her eyes, shifting in her seat to face the rest of the table. She rested one elbow on the table and the other on her bent knee.

“You know that the only kind of person stupid enough to marry Erwin Smith would be a civilian who doesn’t know about all the fucked up shit that goes on around here.” Ymir cocked her head, her bangs sliding across her forehead. She played with the rim of her empty cup. “Besides, can’t you see that smarmy bastard with a little homemaker to rub his shoulders when he gets home?” The lines around Reiner’s nose wrinkled as a smile broke out across his lips.

“Hey, what’s wrong with that?”

“Guys, you’re all missing what’s right in front of you.” Eren crossed his ankles under the table. He brought his fist down into the open palm of his opposite hand. “Commander Erwin is clearly married to the Survey Corps.”

“I guess your options would be limited if you’re going into the scouts,” Armin considered aloud, eyes as haunting as usual. A few glances were shared across the table, and with the mention of senseless murder, the conversation quickly moved along.

***

Jean would almost forget the debate completely by the next day. Whether or not the Scout’s commander had a spouse or not ultimately didn’t hold much weight to Jean in the grand scheme of things.

He rapped on the large wooden door to your office, only waiting a moment to hear your muffled permission before letting himself in. You stood by the window, still looking out the glass when Jean took his first step in. You turned to him with a smile.

“Ah, Jean! It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

Jean’s shoulders relaxed at the sound of your voice. He hadn’t even realized how tense they had been. Between expeditions, responsibilities among the Scouts comprised mostly of administrative work and training, the administrative part being more significant than Jean expected. Being a new recruit meant he would spend his fair share of days as a gopher for clerical work. But out of all the offices he could have been sent to, the errand runners in the scouts fought over visiting your office the most.

“Things are going as well as they can,” Jean sighed, the sides of his lips curling up into a boyish half-smile. You let out a puff of amused air, shaking your head as you motioned for him to come farther into your spacious office. You didn’t even feel like an officer most of the time, let alone a captain.

“You talk like a Scout already,” you chuckled, “Come have tea and show me what you’ve brought me.”

Jean pushed the door behind him as he entered the room, the latch bolt not quite catching in the strike, leaving the door slightly ajar. He sat in one of the chairs in front of your desk, shifting the legs across the modest carpet as you poured two cups of tea. The tea set sat on a metal cart to the left of your desk. Jean tossed the bundle of files he brought on a wooden rack, dwarfing the other papers that required your review.

You handed Jean a dainty, rose-patterned teacup on an equally delicate saucer. The intricate design complimented the similar pattern on your uniform insignia, or at least Jean had always thought so. He held the cup up to his lips and welcomed the sweet flavor. You always knew how to make a good cup of tea. A large enough salary to afford a modest sugar supply didn’t hurt either.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” you mused, grabbing the stack that Jean had just put in your paper basket with one hand. The papers must have amounted to three inches in thickness at least. You let them fall in the space in front of you, causing an audible slap on the desk’s surface. The liquid in your teacup trembled. You locked eyes with Jean, amused. “I can only imagine what’s been going on in your neck of the woods to require this much… debriefing.” You thumbed through the file pages, unwrapping rubber bands when warranted. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Erwin was trying to get rid of me with all… this. He thinks he’s being cheeky.”

That should have been Jean’s first clue, but his eyes and attention wandered around your office. Frankly, a new recruit remaining in the room while a superior officer reviewed documentation wasn’t common. But with recent internal shifts in the military, you often asked your errand-runners to stay due to the high volume of administrative mistakes. You found it easier to ask a soldier sitting in front of you to return with a needed but missing document rather than putting a formal request in and waiting. Jean didn’t mind the break, and you knew as much.

His attention settled on a wardrobe to his right. Above the three polished wooden drawers sat a pair of glass doors. Jean peered in, studying the display inside. On one side of the wardrobe hung a crisp Scout cloak. Its presentation made it appear like it hadn’t been used in years. The other side of the glass display was lined with three shelves. A horizontal picture frame sat on the second of the three. Jean leaned forward to get a better look.

“Captain.” You looked up at the sound of his voice. He turned to meet your gaze. “You were in the Scouts?” You hummed with a nod of your head, crossing your legs underneath your desk. Your other hand held your place within the stacks of pages. Jean stood slowly, placing his cup and saucer down as he approached the wardrobe curiously. He looked back at you. “May I?” You gave him another nod.

“I was in the Scouts from your age to maybe around four years or so ago.” You shrugged as you continued to review your generous stack of paperwork. Jean tugged open the glass doors, which gave him the slightest bit of resistance. He picked up the picture.

Sure enough, he found you among the cadets in the middle of the group. You looked younger, almost unrecognizable, but something about your face made Jean immediately know it was you. The few familiar faces almost made him chuckle. Hanji hadn’t aged a day. And right beside you stood Erwin.

Jean closed the wardrobe, returning to his chair as he studied the picture. He slouched against the back cushion.

“Not a lot of people in that drawing are here today.” You stared at the back of the frame. Something struck Jean about the quiet sorrow in your eyes. “I try to keep all of them close.”

A light knock sounded at your doorway. With the entrance already ajar, a Garrison cadet stood at the door of your office. She let out a surprised hum upon seeing your company.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Captain. You have a delivery.” You motioned for the cadet to enter with a knowing smile. The flowers in the vase she carried covered half her face, and as she set them down at the corner of your desk, they covered half of Jean’s too. “From your husband.” You thanked her, and the cadet saw herself out, closing the door behind her.

“Sorry, Jean,” you said sheepishly, sliding the vase across your desk to reveal your guest. “I’ll get you out of here soon.” He shook his head, fingers tracing the edge of the picture frame.

“I’m fine where I am. Take your time.”

You offered him a content nod as you continued your work. Jean continued to stare at the flowers that were just brought in. The ornate bouquet of mixed wildflowers was arranged neatly in a modest glass vase. A red ribbon wrapped neatly around the neck, tied into a crisp bow. A little cardholder jutted out from among the petals clutching a small note.

His attention flickered to your wedding ring.

“I didn’t know you were married,” Jean said, more wondering aloud as he recalled the cadet’s last words. It wasn’t exactly true. He had seen your wedding ring the many times he came to deliver papers to you. Jean supposed he had never thought too much about your marital status, just as his friends said about Erwin the night before. Perhaps last night’s conversation sat too prevalently in his mind.

“When you’re in this line of work, you have to live while you can.” You shut the large collection of files with a thump. You looked at Jean with a sentiment he had never seen before. “Find what makes you feel warm and never let it go until death. At least that’s what I think.” You leaned over the file with a sigh, face suddenly turning exasperated. “It looks like everything is here. Thank you for bringing the monster over.”

“No problem,” Jean nodded. He returned the frame to your desk as he stood. He offered you a salute, and with your dismissal, he was on his way.

You plucked the note from the bouquet as he made his way across the room, taking a second to read it.

“Cheeky…” you smiled with a shake of your head.

Jean glanced back at you just as he closed your office door, wondering if he saw the initials “ES” on the back of your note.

***

It was the night before an expedition when you proposed it.

Practically the entire regiment stayed up late after one of you raided a locked-off Military Police closet for booze. Even for the Scouts, morale had been lower than usual. That was probably why Erwin agreed to your little scheme in the first place. You had a way of relating to the squads in a way that was uniquely your own. And while Erwin could give the calm command of a natural leader, only you could organize a night of carefree games and stories as doom and uncertainty loomed over everyone.

As sleeping bodies lay strewn out across the room, you met Erwin’s blue eyes with a tired sigh. You caught the semblance of a snicker as he leaned back against the stone wall. He shifted on the random cushion you and your squad collected from around headquarters. If Erwin didn’t know any better, he would have thought it was a pew cushion from a church. He shook his head, the corners of his lips causing dimples to appear on his cheeks. You glanced down at Hange, who had fallen asleep in your lap, and back to Erwin with a shrug. Their usual hair tie wrapped around your wrist as you ran your fingers through their hair. The fourth squad leader curled up on a dining table somewhere in the room.

“That was a good thing you did here,” Erwin said, sipping his drink. He had started feeling a rare buzz from the alcohol a while ago, even as carefully as he nursed his drink. Hange kept pouring him more throughout the night despite gentle declines.

“Thank you, but I mean, all I did was rob a storage closet.” You let out a gentle laugh. Erwin’s attention remained on you even as you looked off. The fireplace flicker between the two of you cast a warm glow onto your face. “Actually, you’re the one who broke the lock, so I didn’t really do anything.” You met eyes with him again. He held you in the stark, baby-blue of his irises. Intimate and wordless. Erwin cocked his head to the side in a silent challenge. You let out a snicker with a playful roll of your eyes, and he smiled behind the rim of his mug.

“I think everyone really enjoyed themselves.” Erwin glanced out into the dark room of sleeping soldiers, each sprawled across your random, borrowed cushions with their cloaks draped over them. Empty bottles of alcohol lay strewn across the floor.

“Did you?” you asked softly, slowly running your fingers through Hange’s hair. Erwin rolled his cup between his palms, shifting his legs to bend at the knee as he sat back.

“Yes, I did.” He gave a single nod. He rolled his cup again before coming to hold it by the handle. “It hasn’t been easy to keep everyone’s hopes up. You’re far better at it than me, that’s for sure.” You hesitated.

“I’m glad you had a good time,” you said, downing about half of what remained in your cup. The alcohol made you feel warm and light in the head. But even so, thoughts of the next day’s expedition haunted you. You felt the same about the previous failed missions that everyone else felt, but as a Squad Leader, you pushed yourself to put on a brave face. “I’m glad I could give everyone a little peace of mind before we leave tomorrow. It’s about all I feel I can do.” Erwin frowned.

“Don’t discount yourself.”

“I’m not,” you answered too quickly. The hall's silence took up the space between the two of you. The crackle of the fire popped softly as Erwin studied you closely. He tilted his head as you bowed yours. You braided a random portion of Hange’s hair. “It’s just the truth. If anyone’s going to give them real hope, it’ll be the one making a difference out there. You’re the one the commander keeps in his back pocket.”

“I don’t connect with the soldiers like this.” Something about his tone made you glance up. Erwin’s face grew serious, not quite angry or upset, but grave. His gaze pierced your spirit, and you hummed complacently. “You know that. I know you do.”

“If anything, all this was for me.” you sighed and shook your head. You took another sip of your drink before returning to your little, random braids. You let out another deep sigh. “They say exactly what I’m trying not to think. And what are you supposed to say?... It fucks with me. Especially when they’re kids.”

“I know.”

You moved on to another section of Hange’s head, the movements of your fingers growing faster.

“It’s hard not to get attached. I want them all to be okay, and I just know they won’t all be okay.”

“I know.”

As you finished your second braid, you reached for your drink. Without a second thought, you downed the rest of it. The burn of the ethanol had long gone away.

“Have you ever thought about marriage and kids and shit?” you mused, perhaps a bit too loud. Erwin’s thick eyebrows shot up, startled but amused by your sudden outburst. Your words echoed through the room, but no one stirred. They stayed suspended in the thick atmosphere as the emotions in your chest darted across your heart. Erwin leaned forward with his elbows on his bent knee, his cup still gripped in one hand.

“Have I ever thought about marriage and kids and shit?” He repeated, the undertone of a laugh lacing his voice. It almost sounded crass coming from him, and hearing your words over again made you suddenly self-conscious.

“I, uh, I mean—”

“Yeah, I have,” Erwin answered, much to your surprise. He also downed the rest of his beverage, placing his mug on the wooden floor. “With a woman, I knew in my cadet years.”

Your heart flipped in your chest, caught off guard by Erwin’s sudden vulnerability. The feeling seared like a spear driven straight through you. You knew, logically, that Erwin had to have had a romantic interest in others in the past. Not that it mattered to you in the slightest. Besides, what stake did you have to your fellow Squad Leader? Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Oh,” was about all you could answer. You scrambled to find some other commentary to share that didn’t make it sound like you were too personally invested in Erwin’s romantic affairs. You continued to fidget in an attempt to avoid Erwin’s gaze. A bit of drool poured from Hange’s mouth onto your thigh. Unfortunately, you were not very convincing.

“She’s long been married to my good friend. They’re expecting a second child.” Erwin shrugged. You weren’t sure if the new information made you feel better or worse.

“I’m sorry,” you offered, unsure what else to say. Erwin shifted on his cushion in your peripheral, his back audibly cracking as he did. The noise made you snort.

“No need to be sorry. It’s in the past.”

“Is it?” You observed the orange light that illuminated his strong features. His jaw locked with Erwin’s usual certainty as he nodded. Still, you knew him well enough to pick up the slightest hint of hesitation. “I mean, what happened?” you asked, the alcohol doing away with your filter. Erwin let out a deep sigh, attention somewhat wandering as he debated whether he wanted to say.

“She wanted a family.” He almost sounded resigned with a hint of indifference mixed into his tone. He shook his head as if giving in to a fight he had had many times before. You wondered whose face came to his mind.

“And… you didn’t?” You pushed, your brow raising as you repositioned yourself. Hange’s head had become heavy, but they didn’t notice as you assumed another sitting position. “It’s not that I didn’t,” Erwin said in a tone resembling playful defensiveness. You glanced up at him briefly, curiosity pushing you to keep digging at him. Erwin stared upward in thought before another slow shake of his head. “You know very well the significance of our role here.”

“And yours is?” He met your eye, and his face scrunched into confusion— something not seen often on Erwin Smith’s face. It was small. It was the slightest crease in his brow and the soft purse of his lip as he tilted his head to the side.

“And mine is what?”

“Your role? What’s the endgame?” You snorted, finding yourself melted into the conversation. The focus wasn’t on you. Between your liquid courage and your fatigue, you let your intrigue guide you. “What’s so important that you’ve sworn off love or whatever—” You gestured dramatically with your hands.

“Okay, I never said I swore off love.” He waved you off as if to physically dismiss the thought from the conversation. Erwin leaned forward to rest his elbow on the knee of one of his crossed legs. He rested his cheek in his hand, officially invested. “You make me sound like a jaded old man.”

“Aren’t you?” Your retort was quick. Erwin’s lip curled in a mock pout. He balled up his cloak, and you shielded yourself with your arm as it hit your cheek. The fabric smelled like him. “Hey!” You laughed, catching the bundle with one hand as you gestured to Hange. Erwin held his hands up in defeat and a playfully exaggerated eye roll.

You unfurled the cloak. It took a second to orient it correctly before draping it over your shoulders. Erwin’s cloak was slightly longer than yours. You covered Hange’s torso with it as they continued to sleep soundly. Hange could sleep through an earthquake.

When you turned back to Erwin, he was already staring, a softness in his eyes. You took a quick look behind you, and upon seeing nothing, you turned back to him again.

“So what is it? What’s your role?” You pushed again. Erwin snickered to himself, a silent puff of air escaping his nose, allowing his head to bow as he recovered.

“To carry out my duties,” he answered, almost unsure. He held himself like you had never seen before. Never had you seen Erwin so relaxed, raw, and playful. You shot back a similar look he had given you earlier in the night: one of skepticism and challenge. Erwin took in a deep breath. “I want to understand what humanity has never understood before. I need to witness truth for myself, I suppose.” He scrunched his forehead, part of him unsure if his words were as diplomatic as he liked.

“And you can’t do that with a family?”

“Well, you were the one who just said stuff about kids and feeling guilty. You said it fucks with you if we’re using your words.” Erwin sat back against the wall, arms crossed over his broad chest. He stretched his long legs out in front of him.

“Who said a family means children?” You mirrored him, leaning back on your palms. Hange remained curled on your lap. Erwin bobbed his head from side to side in consideration.

“You’re right on that point,” he conceded. “Ideally—” You groaned.

“All or nothing is so like you.” You rolled your eyes as you nestled deeper into Erwin’s cloak. He gaped for a second, not knowing how to respond to your casually spoken criticism.

He sputtered. It was cute.

“I feel like I should take offense to that.” He blinked, taken aback.

“You’re depriving yourself of happiness you know you want because you think there are only two options? Please. Just date someone in the military. Another truth-seeker, if you will.” You let your head lull to the left, resting on your own shoulder as you stared out into the dark room. Two soldiers sat slumped over each other a few feet away. They sat with their cloaks draped over one another, illuminated by the fire. “You know, I heard Owens and Murray have a marriage pact. The two of them say if they get through tomorrow’s expedition alive, they’re going to go straight to the courthouse to get married.”

You almost zoned out, lost in the dim outline of the Wings of Freedom. Perhaps you were getting tired after all. With any luck, you could get at least some sleep in before the expedition.

“Was that a proposal?” You snapped back to reality. Erwin stared as you blinked a few times, lips pursed together mischievously as he held back an amused smile. His leather shoulder straps had fallen the slightest bit off his shoulders.

“What? Of course not!” A warm heat spread under your skin. “I was just telling you something I heard.”

“Well, you were the one telling me to date my comrades and form a marriage pact. I just assumed you were insinuating that you meant with you.” You stammered in disbelief, watching Erwin struggle to hold back his Cheshire grin. “That’s what it sounded like.” His brows rose on his forehead, painting his face with self-assurance akin to cockiness.

“You! In your dreams!” You searched your immediate vicinity for something to throw at him. Finding nothing, you took Hange’s hair tie off your wrist and shot it at Erwin with unmatched speed and dexterity. He dodged it, ducking off to the side as it hit the wall behind him. “You’re full of yourself!” Hange hardly stirred. “I wasn’t suggesting anything. In fact, I was thinking of asking Fletcher.” You crossed your arms with a severe pout.

“Fletcher,” Erwin repeated, the name forming in his mouth like a foreign object. Erwin shook his head in disbelief, blinking his eyes a few times as he did. He stuck out a hand towards you in a forward-slicing motion. “Who puts his ODM gear on backward half the time.”

“Which means he gets it right the other half,” you quickly retorted. Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You could do so much better,” he groaned. He ran a hand through his neat, blond hair.

“Fletcher is a perfectly suitable partner, thank you very much.” You glanced off into the dark room, lowering your voice. “I was thinking about it, and I… you know, I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. You have to take a chance and live a little.” Erwin rubbed his chin, still in disbelief. He yawned.

“I still think you could do better.”

“Well, it’s like you said; it’s not like you have a lot of options when you join the Scouts,” you huffed. Sure, your companion from your cadet years wasn’t the brightest, but at least you were trying to pursue a life while you still could. “If I gamble with heartbreak and lose, I can at least know I achieved something.” Erwin scoffed.

“A gamble, huh?” He rolled his head from shoulder to shoulder, another tense crack popping from his bones. He stretched his arm to the side. Before you could say a word, he let out a concentrated breath. “Okay.” Erwin shrugged, resuming his earlier position leaning against the wall. Even as he closed his eyes, you didn’t like the smug look on his face.

“Okay… what?” You asked suspiciously.

“I’ll throw my hat into the ring.” He shrugged again, and you nearly threw your hands up in defeat.

“What ring?” You nearly exclaimed.

Erwin’s eyes fluttered open. You stared into them with a frown. The fire had since grown smaller, darkening the already dim room. His irises shone brightly, even in the waning glow of the fire. You watched each other in silence and with bated breath. He leaned forward.

“I’d say, if we make it out of the next three expeditions alive, we marry each other.”

His proposition hit you like a frying pan over the head.

You gaped, your mouth opening before closing again. You stumbled over what to say, the semblance of words tripping incoherently out of your mouth until you found it in you to ask a single question,

“Why three?” Erwin actually chuckled at that one. Sheepishness and acute embarrassment burned harder in your cheeks. Considering how long you had known each other, you had no idea what made you so nervous.

“We can gamble and make it five if you’d like.” Erwin crossed one arm over his chest and held his chin with the opposite hand. An excitement, a certain mischief, continued to blaze in his expression.

“You do like a good gamble,” you noticed with hesitancy. You glanced at Owens and Murray, who still slept curled against one another. You eyed Erwin out of your peripheral. “I like three, though,” you mused. “And if you die, I marry Fletcher.” He hummed.

“I don’t think I’m going to die, though. I don’t think you will either.”

“Yeah… I don’t think so either.”

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed and otherwise supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Notes: I HAVE HAD SO MUCH ERWIN BRAINROT IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY THIS WAS GOING TO BE 1/5 THE SIZE OF THIS FIC PLEASE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MAN

Notes: this oneshot will get another part at 50 reblogs!

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

#erwin smith x reader #erwin x reader #erwin smith #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan fanfic #attack on titan fanfiction #erwin #shingeki no kyoujin x reader #shingeki no kyoujin #x you #x reader #attack on titan #reader insert

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sir-phineas-lost · 6 months ago

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TDP Season 6

Well, I think I might be fully on-board with this show again.

Well, maybe not fully, but certainly more than I have been since season 2. The ever-present problem is the refusal to actually deal with the generational trauma and prejudice aspects of the story in a way that isn't wholly one-sided or shallow. Along with the usual amount of protagonist-centered morality.

Spoilers under the cut.

But! It has some of the best characterization of Claudia and Viren in the show so far. I especially love how they utterly subverted the preview scene that made me a little worried. I really wish there was more of Claudia here because I feel like we needed more scenes of her trying this new path before settling on her final decision for it to really land, but it still works.

Sidenote: The Rayllum-hater in me really likes "The Frozen Ship" but for all the reasons I doubt were intended. An episode that shows just how much this ship is built on fandom-expectations that the main boy and main girl are going to get together. Really obnoxious meta-jokes about how popular the ship is? Check! Reading a completely different love-story to spell out how the characters are feeling? Check! Literal stand-ins for the fandom moving them around like dolls going "Now kiss!"?? Check check check! And all the while it is juxtaposed with scenes of Claudia and Terry that are nuanced, somber, haunting and really intimate yet tasteful, all without a single word of dialogue? And you want me to care about that other garbage?!

And Soren in the final 3 episodes is at his absolute best. His anger and grief are all equally justified and he is more mature and grown-up than ever. And we got some really nice vindication for that mess of a season-3 finale. Not that I expect it to lead anywhere regarding Ezran reevaluating his decision. As awesome as it would be for him to get home to a ruined Katolis and be greeted by his people who now look exactly like the soldiers he triumphantly fought off before and get hit with the realization "huh, maybe that wasn't such a black and white conflict after all".

The final episode is all about Aaravos and it hits just about every note it needed to, without giving away every detail. But it certainly does the trick in explaining his motivation. And the reveal of what a Startouch elf actually looks like is so well done that it hits you like a truck to realize "Oh, they already gave that away long ago and we just didn't notice".

Only problem is that it is going to be even harder for me to not root against the main cast now that I know they will be working against the person who is trying to overthrow the entire unfair order of the world, which is the part of the story I am invested in.

Still. I am looking forward to seeing how this ends and while I doubt it will ever live up to the better version of this that lives in my head, or in some excellent fanfics, I hope it will be good.

#the dragon prince #tdp #meta #tdp critical #tdp spoilers #tdp book 6 #tdp season 6 #tdp s6 #anti-rayllum

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snowblossomreads · 2 months ago

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Day 2 - Secret Watching

Pairings: Severus Snape x Fem OC (Celestine Faye)

Summary: In where Celestine is late for the staff holiday party and is surprised to find someone secretly watching.

Tag(s)/Warning(s): Lockhart Slander, Fluff

A/N: And in something a little more lighter and fluffier for the season, our beloved dungeon bat! 🥰🥰

"Oh! Celestine get your shit together!" She hissed at herself, as she set the last bits of mistletoe berries on top of the milk pudding that jiggled slightly at the addition. "You're late and you're worried about the berries being in the right spot? Priorities please," she continued, yet it didn't stop her from making sure the leaves stuck up just how she want them, and that the berries were placed perfectly in the center.

She was not going to show up with a dish anything less than perfect to this party. It was only her second one, but with being the youngest on the staff, she felt the need to continue to prove that everything she did, she did it with all her effort.

Even with something as silly as this holiday pudding that she had found a recipe to while perusing a cookbook she had gotten down at Hogsmeade.

Giving it a final once over, and making sure the berries were centered correctly, and that the dirigible plum sauce was sauced just right, she pulled out her wand and cast a freezing spell on it. There was no way in hell she was gonna let that thing jiggle freely on her way to the teacher's lounge. Not with the way those staircases moved around at random.

Gathering herself up, pudding and all, she hurried towards the lounge. A little pep in her step as she was looking forward to gossiping with the other professors, finding out who was with who in the student body, who they were thinking for Head Boy and Head Girl, and most importantly any more information about the petrifications going on.

They all might seem jolly and in good cheer, but she knew good and well that everyone was concerned considering there was still no answer of how it all came about. And of course, the safety of the students. How could they ensure that when they didn't know where the danger was coming from?

Letting out a sigh, Celestine turned the corner, nearing the lounge as her thoughts continued to keep her company in the halls.

"I hope Lockhart didn't get the invite though, fucking useless git he is," she cursed to herself.

That annoying waste of a wizard, she wanted to set him on fire so much and call it an accident.

Especially with the way he embarrassed her that one time. Grabbing onto her like a lost puppy in front of all the students. Proclaiming that she just had to go on a date with him to Madam Puddifoot's. Thank god there were students all around or she was sure she would be sent to Azkaban for murdering him.

He did get his comeuppance though during the first dueling club. The way Severus has blown him across the room with a powerful expelliarmus had her giggling and clapping her hands with glee. She wished it was her doing that to Lockhart, but at least someone had the chance to set that man straight.

Oh, and she couldn't forget the way Severus had caught her eyes after that, a little pleased smirk on his thin lips that was there and gone in a flash.

It was very swoon worthy, considering she had literally run into him right after that embarrassing moment in the courtyard and told him all about it.

The thought made her cheeks heat up once more as she finally rounded the last corner almost there to the lounge. What she didn't expect was to see the man she was swooning about standing near the slightly cracked open door to the lounge. Staring at it, secretly watching as if he wanted to go in but was unsure about it.

He hadn't come last year, and from what she had heard from the other professors he had never joined in. Saying he rather patrol the school for students out during curfew than be subjected to what antics his fellow professors got up to.

From the looks of it though, that wasn't all true.

"Severus?" Celestine called just loud enough for him to hear her, even though they were the only ones in the corridor.

One of the portraits did tell her to 'sush her loud American mouth', but she ignored it, he was a particularly grouchy portrait anyways.

The sound of his name had him straightening up before turning to look at the woman who approached him.

"Celestine." He answered calmly as if he hadn't been caught snooping.

"Erm, are you coming in?" She asked, pausing in front of him, noticing his eyes wandering to the pudding that she had floating beside her before his attention returned to her. "I'm a bit late thanks to this pudding here so I hope everyone at least enjoys it."

"Your potion skills are above mediocre, so I doubt a pudding should be the least of your worries."

She grinned at the back handed compliment.

"Well if you think so why don't you come in and have some with us? I'm sure it's enough for one more person."

A sneer appeared on his lips at her invitation and her smile faltered thinking she had maybe overstepped.

"And spend time listening to Lockhart spout more nonsense and lies? No. I rather drink Polyjuice mixed with Skelegrow than listen to him."

"What! Don't tell me he's there to," she hissed lowly, her brows furrowed not wanting to deal with that man. "I thought we all agreed to not invite him!"

"It seems Peeves has been up to his mischief again. He must have saw the staff gathering and thought it fitting to find Lockhart and alert him," Severus responded, crossing his arms and did he just roll his eyes? "You can imagine the surprise of everyone."

"Of course, ugh Peeves," Celestine shook her head in disappointment, having looked forward to a Lockhart free gathering as she was ready to take the piss out of the man.

Lamenting over having to probably deal with that infuriating man for a few hours, she suddenly realized that Severus must have been watching everything play out for longer than she realized. And of course she had to ask.

"Wait Severus, how long have you been standing watch?"

"Long enough." Short and to the point. Very him.

"Well then…why don't you come join us for a bit? Maybe we can make some sort of excuse to sod off early- Oh Severus!" She exclaimed quietly, clapping her hand at the sudden thought she had. Yes it was perfect!

"Yes, go on." He spoke, his words drawled out a little and his brows quirked in interest.

"We can say we are going to go hunt for fairy wings! Some species of them actually shed their wings during the winter and grow new ones! If we can collect the wings within a few hours of them shedding they can be used in not only potions but divination," she spouted with pride as the knowledge flowed out of her with ease from all her years of studying.

He seemed to think about it, for a moment which was always a good sign when it came to him. And she waited with anticipation

"And what do I get out of this?"

Was the thought of potion ingredients not enough for him?

"You get potion ingredients for free because we know Diagon Alley up charges for fairy wings, some pudding and my companionship, isn't that good enough?"

"And no more Lockhart?"

"Yes that too! So what do you say? Will you pleeeeease, come just for a little bit. It'll be fun, plus won't it be nice to see everyone's faces when you show up."

He did have to admit, he was curious. Had she not showed up when she did, he would have probably walked away and gone to sort his ingredients as some of them had been looking suspiciously low. But the thought of the surprise and confusion on the other's face did bring some amusement.

And also the pudding. From the looks of it she had made a holiday blancmange, and he couldn't help but want to taste it. To see if it was anything like his childhood and it had been years since he had some.

"No more than an hour, and if Lockhart gets up to his antics about knowing how to brew anything more complicated than a cure for boils I'm leaving immediately."

Her face brightened immediately in the dim corridor, and she had to hold herself back from cheering like she was at a Quidditch match and Ravenclaw had just caught the snitch.

"Yes! Excellent! Oh Merlin can you imagine the look on everyone's face," she cackled almost manically at the thought, not noticing the hint of amusement on Severus' face as he watched her in all her joy.

She was positively radiant.

"Let's not dawdle Celestine, the quicker we are in the quicker we can depart."

He didn't have to tell her that twice. The look on all the staff's faces was indeed very worth showing up for as they all ranged from shock and glee to fear when he stepped in with Celestine by his side.

Fear in Lockhart's case, and that pleased Severus deep down.

The pudding was also delightful when he got to finally try some after listening to Minerva go on about how she had given up on him ever showing up.

It wasn't exactly the same as the one from his childhood, yet close enough that he had a hard time hiding his approval from Celestine who was surprised at his penchant for the dessert.

"I'll make another one just for you," she bubbled as he led them out of the staff lounge at exactly an hour in, using the excuse they had made up earlier to escape the group that had begun getting rowdy thanks to all the spirits being passed around.

You think it was the Hogshead if you walked in.

He thanked her quietly, as the moved down the hall, for the offer, but also for convincing him to not just watch but join the party.

Would he do it again? Not on his own. But if she offered to accompany him, he would maybe think twice about it.

A/n: Yay yay yay!! I hope you all enjoyed this! I do so love this man, ever the contrarian bc he doesn't think no one wants him involved. BUT WRONG. Always wants him to be involved 😡😡! Anyways is happy to give him some fluff and love and hope it made you all warm inside (it's cold here!).

#rickmas2024 #severus snape x oc #severus snape #alan rickman fanfic #alan rickman character #blossom writes

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kateknowsdramas · 1 year ago

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What Sweet Home Season 1 got right:

found family banding together to survive

character journeys - both good and bad - we understood what they wanted and what they were fighting for

character deaths that meant something both for their journeys and the story

a study in what it means to be human

What Sweet Home Season 2 got wrong:

threw everything that made season 1 good out the window

barely any of the original cast is in this season

they destroyed Yi Kyung's character

Song Kang who? where? a part of the story what?

what is happening????

characters who have no introduction or backstories making for a cluttered mess of people we're supposed to be invested in

I care about Jin Young's character but just because he's a cutie and we know he's a good guy - no idea about what makes him tick or his background

character deaths of S1 cast that come out of nowhere and serve no real purpose

again...what is going on??? I think there's a plot somewhere buried in there but I couldn't tell you what it is

Eun Yu keeps running around like a crazy person to look for her brother which is...stupid honestly

I don't care about these people at. all.

episodes 6-8 got mildly better but were still an incoherent mess

So, yeah...a huge disappointment, honestly. I really enjoyed season one for everything it was. Season 2 is just ridiculously muddled and doesn't allow the audience to care at all about what's happening. By the end, I got where they were going story-wise but I just don't care about how monsters are created. At least, I think that's what the plot was? It's literally just random things going on that don't tie together or move any kind of story forward. It's just a super weird, jumbled disaster.

#sweet home #sweet home 2 #kdrama #kdrama commentary

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ember-owlet · 2 months ago

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do you have any agere thoughts on the new eps? I’d love to hear them <333

thank you so much for asking firelight!! i'm assuming you mean arcane but if i'm mistaken please let me know! /lh /gen

rambles under the cut ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ spoilers ahead for season 2 of arcane!!

i do have quite a bit of clips in the works to polish tonight before uploading tomorrow, so i hope it is something to look forward to!! but after everything the majority of the cast are vent regressors with different leans/dynamics,, especially vi, mel, and jinx give my girls a BREAK!!!

vi and jinx having to see their father be killed and resurrected on multiple occasions was so painful to watch,, like can we give them ONE stable paternal relationship pretty please /j

i am 100% convinced at this point that both jinx and vi are canonical regressors. i don't think i need to reiterate jinx/powder being a regressor since many people in the agere fandom have discussed it (and not mad about that in the slightest, i'm so glad to see it! if you firelights want to hear about my thoughts then feel free to send a flare! i'd be happy to share.) but seeing vi regress to her teenage self multiple times throughout the show was enough for me to slap the label on her as well.

niche agere opinion as well,, but can we appreciate heimerdinger in a cg role as well? specifically as a mentor? it was so comfy seeing him as a professor and being ekko's support line throughout the chaos. ((and guys i promise he's alright!! yordles are immortal <3))

i also have a bunch of ambessa content on the way,, can you blame me she was in her prime as the antagonist of season 2 and i loved every second of it,, like come on guys she literally called characters little one and child consistently she just IS a mama now.

and honestly,, i might be the only one but i am in dire need of regressor sevika content. like come on we have prime pickings here she has SO many baby moments,, not just a mama to me. she seems like the type to regress in private (and very unique take but i would like to think in headcanon and in a sfw context when she goes to the brothel she has a cg that she visits take care of her. she literally has the weight of zaun on her shoulders WHO'S TAKING CARE OF HER???). /lh /nm

#ember showering stubbornly independant and confident buff women in the baby beam?? more common than you may think /silly /affectionate #don't you worry firelight(s) i am FAR from being over this series #arcane may be over but i'm not over arcane. /lh /pos #firelight flares #arcane agere #arcane season 2 spoilers

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littlemisspascal · 1 month ago

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24 for 2024

As 2024 comes to an end and I see all these posts from mutuals summing up their triumphs and challenges of their year, it started making me think about what these last twelve months have been like for me. And like all of y'all, 2024 definitely had impacts of positives and negatives! So here are 24 things that came to mind:

I decided to go back to school for a new career opportunity. Starting January 6th, I'll be taking my first classes for court reporting/voice writing 😊 I'm both nervous and looking forward to this new adventure!

I saw several fun and great movies this year--Deadpool and Wolverine, Wicked, Gladiator 2, and Sonic the Hedgehog 3 to name a few.

I also watched a ton of great documentaries that I've meaning to check out over the past few years--Icarus, Free Solo, My Octopus Teacher, too many to count--and I'm super excited to check out more next free chance I get!

My favorite F1 driver Lando Norris not only finished first place for his first time in a race this season, but he went on to finish 2nd overall in the rankings and my heart couldn't be prouder for him 🧡

On the same F1 note, my team McLaren won the Constructors Championship for the first time since 1998 😱

There were several massive moments of family drama through the year, each more shocking than the last if you can believe it, but I like to think we'll all hopefully enter 2025 on a closer note and manage to overcome the struggles bit by bit.

Had some health scares throughout the year for my family. Scary heart issues, scary lung issues, scary hospital visits...but we got through it all and we're going to try to make 2025 our healthiest year yet!

The death of Liam Payne tore a massive hole in my heart. One Direction kept me from suicide during my high school years and each of those boys will always mean the world to me 💗

I met several of my favorite celebrities this year at cons--David Tennant, Lenore Zann, Patrick Warburton, Alan Tudyk, Catherine Tate, Adam Savage, Tem Morrison, Neil Newbon, and Giancarlo Esposito--and also got another photo with Tyler Hoechlin looking just as gorgeous as the last time I saw him!

Tried out new cosplay this year--Ahsoka's white outfit from her series, Rogue from X-Men, and a cute Peter Pan outfit as well. Actually felt a little more confident than my previous 0% 😁

A year of firsts! I finished my first ever Lego kit this year of a F1 McLaren car. I finished my first ever escape room for my sister's birthday. And I also finished first place in a scavenger hunt and won a pumpkin carved like the Mandalorian.

Found out I'm allergic to gluten, so I've been sticking to a gluten-free diet nowadays and 2025 will be an entirely gluten-free year.

Seeing the eclipse this year was amazing!

I had an emotional breakdown this year over my writing, came very very very close to deleting everything, but slowly dug my way out of the pit one word at a time. My relationship with writing is still a fragile thing, but a sentence a day is still progress and I'm trying my best. That's what matters most :)

More on writing cuz why not. Wrote a total of 43k words (a whole lot less than last year, but oh well) but even more surprising, my Marcus Acacius fic received more kudos than anything I've written since 2022 omggggg y'all thank you for the support!!

Introduced my mom to MySims and Pokémon on the switch. Slowly but surely creating a video game addict lol

Stayed up literally 48 hours with my sister playing the original Zoo Tycoon on my laptop and creating the most perfect zoo in existence. Exhaustion hit hard afterwards, but at least the guests were happy!

So much gorgeous and wonderful Pedro content--from award ceremonies to new movies + casting announcements to photoshoots and dancing sessions. The fandom just kept winning every month!

Made a web weaving for the anniversary of my fic Infinity Cube. I don't often feel proud about a lot of my attempts of creating stuff, but this little thing I actually think turned out pretty cool 😊

Bought so much Lady and the Tramp stuff oh my gosh--backpacks, a wallet, a giant stuffed animal, a Christmas ornament, little ceramic figurines hidden at the bottom of an antique store bin. I love it all ✨

Hit 5,000 followers on here. Like, what 😮 that's insane! I'm a shy porcupine who barely knows any social skills!! Thank you everyone who puts up with my sporadic posts and ramblings, it's appreciated more than I can ever say!

Everyone who liked, reblogged, kudos, and/or commented on my fics or video edits---thank you thank you thank you x a million!

Everyone who patiently waits for and supports my sporadic updates of the Pedro Library---thank you also x a million!

And finally, if you've made it all the way down here, I hope 2025 is full of kind moments for each and every one of y'all. I hope there's days full of adventures and joy and trying new things and meeting new people and petting animals and eating delicious food and making the world a little bit more of a sweeter place overall 💙

#i have spoken #it's a dumb list but it's mine

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mofffun · 5 months ago

Text

King-Ohger x Gotchard pre-Chou Eiyuu Sai talk show

Partial translation/summary

Pep talk before CEYS

Impressions of each other's series

I want to attend XX Academy!

I am King of XX!

Role reverse: What role do you want to play in the opposite series?

link to watch

1. Pep talk before CEYS (02:08 -

The teams haven't seen each other much save for shooting the SHT intersection. Six months have already passed between then and CEYS (Sep '23 - Feb '24)

Spanner vowed to deliver a passion not shy of KO team

Host joked KO team seemed passionate because of Kaku's physique

Taisei: I saw CEYS a year ago, seems just yesterday, looked forward to the event very much

Aoto: I hope it goes smoothly without trouble.

2. Impressions of each other's series (03:45 -

Rinne: most impressed by the body swap episode, particularly Himeno-san's kabuki pose.

Erica: Sorry for doing something the real Kaguragi never did. Gotchard is a very energetic show, compared to King-Oh's more serious tone, I feel recharged watching Gotchard.

Renge: KO cast are very good friends with each other. The Gotchard cast are friends too, but the kings' bond is something only forged by having worked together closely for an entire year.

Yzy: Not only is the show energetic, but the cast is too behind the scenes. I am the youngest in KO, but the main GT cast is even younger. They are very dependable. (Kaku: sorry for sounding condescending haha /j)

3. I want to attend XX Academy! (05:38 -

Rules: What skill do you want to master? It can be realistic or imaginary.

Matsumoto Hiroya: I want to type fast on a smartphone

Host 2 (Shinomiya Akira): Rita-sama's scream

❤️Cooking

💙Driving

💛Fine art

💜Dialect

🖤Muscle training

🕸️Drawing

___

🐻 Minato: Tonkatsu

Minato: Tonkatsu. I love fried pork chop. A school for tasting, making, and if possible, raising the pigs.

Host: What type of tonkatsu do you like?

Minato: そうっすね [sounds like Sauce-ne~, filler words meaning "yeah, right~"] Thick cuts and slightly rare on the inside.

where Aoto made a pun of そうっすね "Sauce" [for dipping tonkatsu]. Aoto murmured it to Matsumoto Hiroya instead of saying it out loud, and it hit Kaku-san's laughing point to others' confusion.

Minato: um... I prefer salt for seasoning to dipping sauce 😅

❤️ Taisei: Cooking academy

Taisei: Well, I can only depend on myself for cooking, so I kinda want to improve my skills. I even bought a set of knives.

Erica: What do you want to make?

Taisei: Garlic shrimp, maybe? French food seems to be on trend right now.

[Houtarou wrote 料理 (Cooking) too but in Kanji unlike Taisei in English]

Houtaro lives with his family and cooks with his mom on dayoffs.

Kaku/Masashi: That's just like in the show!

Host 2: Sakai-san, please visit [Houtaro's] mom.

Taisei: LIke a training camp.

Houtarou: Yes, please. Let's make Donburi together. I don't really know what "Garlic Shrimp" is but let's try it out!

[Garlic Shrimp is in Katakana/English, in Japanese it's ninniku & ebi.]

(everyone laughs)

Erica: That's just what it means literally! 😂

Houtarou: We have garlic at home, I just don't know what "shrimp" is... Is it some kind of mushroom?

Kaku: Tracks, they both have the "sh" sound.

Houtarou: "Sh" as in mush, and "rimp" sounds like little cut-up pieces?

Erica: Hint is, it's something from the sea.

Yzy: Then that can't possibly be mushrooms.

Houtarou: Some kind of seaweed?

Erica: It moves around a bit more than that.

Houtarou: Wakame!

Host: Not even close!/j Please do some research after the show.

💙 Aoto: Automobile Command academy.

Aoto: Yep, [just a regular] driving school. I haven't got a license yet but I love going on drives, so I could only ride shotgun because I can't drive myself. I want to pay back my drivers so far.

Erica: ah the rest of the king cast.

Aoto: (shy) What do you think?

Hiroya: You look like you ride a motorbike.

Aoto: No, I've never been on one.

Masashi (?): It suits you.

🔧Spanner: Tension Crank-up Academy

Spanner: I want everyone to catch up to my hype!

Host: but the Gotchard cast seems like they're all pretty easily hyped?

Spanner: No. (to Renge) I'm the only odd one, right? (Renge nods) Actually I should just go there and sit by myself right?

Kaku: Yeah, right!

(laughs)

Host 2: Totally wrong answer in a totally fitting tone!

Spanner: Hey, I'm compromising already!

Host 2: Ahhh this is getting out of hand XD

Kaku: "Tension Booming!" [Kibun Bunbun, boonboomger roll call]

(dead air)

Spanner: See? No one is doing tsukkomi [straight man, pointing out irrationalities for comedy].

Erica: Ah, so the reason is there's no tsukkomi character in your group. The others look like they are more comfortable playing boke [funny man]. Maybe that's why the cast seems so cheerful.

Spanner: Who's the tsukkomi in your group?

Erica: Over here. (gestures to Yuzuki and Masashi) Team West.*

*[t/n: 1. My best guess of Ni-Shi is "Western [Japan]" based on their hometowns being further west than the others. There's a stereotype that Kansai/western people are funny, although neither 💜 or 🕸️ is from Kansai to be exact. Taisei is from Fukuoka, the same region, Kyushu, as Yuzuki, but it's been established pretty early on he can't do tsukkomi. 2. Another guess of Ni-shi is "two colours" as in more-black-than-purle Yuzuki + white Masashi? 3. Or it could be "receive"??]

Kaku: So who will it be on your team?

Spanner: I choose... our best boke, Junsei.

Houtarou: Wahhhh don't sell me out!! ToT

Taisei: Someone else for the tsukkomi position?

Spanner: There's Minato-san, but when he's tsukkomi-ing, it's always under his breath. No one can hear him.

Minato: I'm not confident...

Spanner: When we were talking about tonkatsu just now, he kept leaning back... Sensei, can we get a tsukkomi out of you from now on?

Minato: *mutters* okay...

4. I am the king of XX! (13:56 -

Rules: Name yourself, or someone else in the room, as king of something.

Host 2: If anyone in the Gotcard is king of something, I suppose Motojima-san... is the king of shrimps.

Houtarou: Yeah, that's right! Please allow me the honor. No, for real, somebody tell me what "shrimp" is!?

Erica: Another hint, it has a lot of legs.

Houtarou: Octopus!

Kaku: Not even close!

❤️Masculinity

💙Masashi->White [fair skin]

💛Spontaneous trips

💜internal rhythm

🖤Muscle training

🕸️Aoto->Fried chicken (karage)

___

🕸️💙 Masashi: Aoto is the king of fried chicken.

Masashi revealed that Aoto brought fried chicken to work every morning and would generously share it. He also brought some today too. Aoto quickly took over the explanation and said Masashi is one to read between the lines, like Jeramie. Truth is, when Aoto brought the nuggets, Masashi would snoop, "Hey, what flavour did you get?" Aoto then (have to) say, "You want one?" and give him a piece. The next person would say the same thing and Aoto had to give him a piece too, that person is Taisei. And the worst of them chicken "sharers" is Yuzuki. To her complaint, Aoto mimicked her reaction when given a piece, "Ehh~~~ Really?!"

[t/n: lmao i could totally get why Aoto would be annoyed by Yuzuki because his imitation sounds absolutely like she's pretentious about it lol. but I could totally see Hirakawa Yuzuki doing that too lmao.]

📱Sabi named Spanner as king of long legs.

🖤 Kaku-san named himself as the king of muscle training. (Minato loves muscle training too) Kaku-san's weightlifting record is 130kg in barbell.

Rinne is king of video games and Renge plays a thief simulator game and got her into it too.

💛 Erica named herself as the king of spontaneous trips. She can go anywhere and by herself. Last year she went to Osaka and Kyoto for two days unplanned. After she finished work in Kyushu, she stopped by there before coming back to Tokyo. She loved both sightseeing and eating. She re-visited the temple from a family photo taken on a childhood trip.

💜 Yuzuki named herself as the king of internal rhythm. Because King-Oh nearly always films indoors, they can't see the sun and often wonder what time it is. At which they'd turn to Yuzuki for the answer. She estimated the current time to be 12:56, which is just 30 seconds faster. [t/n: She talked about this in tge cinematoday interview 06:13 before the series starts]

5. Reverse Offer (25:03 -

Rules: What role do you want to play in the opposite series? It can be a real or made-up character.

❤️manly man chemy

💙evil rider

💛mad scientist

💜a chemy that keeps screaming non-stop

🖤kind muscular older-brother type

🕸️a chemy that can grant any wish

[t/n: 🕸️a chemy that can grant any wish -> that's just Doraemon right.... re: relay interview]

🖤 Kaku: a kind muscular older-brother type

no alchemy, just a kind muscular older-brother type. I will be your personal trainer. You all look a bit slim, leave it to me :D

Minato: a monk, who'd fit in Toufu

💜 Renge: Moffun

Renge: It got a lot of cheers from the audience, so it must be very popular.

Yzy: It'd be interesting to see a Kansai-dialect Moffun.

Renge: [kansai dialect] "Why do you hide your eye? mofu~"

Yzy: Hired!

❤️ Taisei: a manly man chemy

Taisei: I want to become muscular too, after watching Kaku-san the past year. (straight face) Even his naked body, in the main series.

Kaku/Yzy: Hey!

Taisei: (straight face) I'm quite envious of his physique. I want to try working out in the future

Kaku: Okay, I can teach you...

Taisei: Thank you ^_^

(conversation starting to get lost...)

Kaku: Gotcha! [sharp cut keyword]

Spanner: What will your manly-man chemy sound like?

Taisei: ...

Taisei: Gotcha! \(^o^)/

🕸️Sabi: Pet (Jeramie's)

Masashi: So you want to be my pet?

Sabi: Woof!

Masashi: Hired!

💙 Aoto: Evil Rider [proceed to solo-act his oc's story]

Aoto: I want to henshin as a villain. At the very end, he redeemed himself and died protecting the hero, "Remember... something something..." and I die.

Hiroya: That'd be a challenging role.

Host 2: We've seen your Royal Arms, how will your evil rider henshin?

Erica: Don't you always talk about this😂? With the rain.

Aoto: ahhh. Yep, I've got the scene set. At first he was a good guy, then we flashback to his past, a rainy day, the old man who's been taking care of him died in his arms. "AHHHHH", I scream, and the belt materialises "churn churn churn". With blood all over my face, "HENSHIN!! ARGHHHHHH". Like this.

Host 2: A Henshin powered by screams, I see. Minato-sensei, you were an evil rider, what do you think?

Minato: That's more like the hero's backstory. A little like... Spider-man?

Kaku: It's too cool, isn't it?

Aoto: I will henshin with a fried pork chop chemy.

🕶️ Houtarou: King Gotchard

Houtarou: I want to go to King-Ohger's world just as I am, and see what kind of people will follow me if I become the king of gotcha

Host 2: You can take today as an opportunity to ask the kings for advice. What quality does a good king need?

Houtarou: Yes, please. Charisma for sure, what else?

Kaku: If I have to say... aura, perhaps.

Hiroya: You are not answering "muscles" for once?

Houtarou: Honshin? Honkaku? 本心？本格？Genuine? Authenticity?

Kaku: Honkakuha chuuka 本格派中華？Authentic Chinese restaurant?

*laughs* [t/n: treat it as a dad joke 😅...]

Houtarou: No no no, what's that word that means the very base of something.

Spanner: The core. (核心 kakushinn)

Houtarou: Yes, I meant to say "at the core".

Masashi: What kind of kingdom do you want to build?

Houtarou: A bright country! Where everyone can get creative and invent their own recipes like Houtarou.

Kaku: Just like Toufu!

___

The round up is just more pep talk. The talk show is filmed a few hours before CEYS.

___

t/n: I wrote this because of an request. At the very least I want to sub Aoto and Yuzuki's segments. The talk is too funny but quite long and no few jokes. If I end up getting around to it will def be November. Also the op of the video is absent for asking permission...

#kingohger #ohsama sentai king ohger #ceys #myts

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horizon-verizon · 7 months ago

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I was thinking today about how the canonical Targaryen lineage makes no sense with the Velaryon race change. Jaehaerys is as white as a white man can be in the first episode even though his mother was a Velaryon. And all of his children and grandchildren are of course also the whitest people ever (they couldn’t even cast a mixed/Black actress to play Alyssa even though she’s just a hallucination). Go back even further the Conquerors’ mother was also a Velaryon. I know genes can be funny things and don’t always follow math, I know white-passing exists, but if Baela and Rhaena can be Black Targaryens, there is absolutely no reason why the rest of the Targs we see aren’t mixed/Black, actually.

And not just Jaehaerys either, as Boremund Baratheon (the man who swears fealty to Rhaenyra in episode 1 and later hosts her during her suitor progress in episode 4) is Jaehaerys’ younger half-brother from the same mother, as is Rhaenys’ mother Jocelyn Baratheon.

Ryan Condal literally said, “Well, Valyria was this enormous continent, a very diverse and well-populated nation that fell into the sea. Why couldn’t there have been a line of Black Velaryons in that story ?”, meaning there were Black people indigenous to Valyria and that Corlys’ brown skin doesn’t come from his mother.

Yeah...one thing about this show is that the changes are made sporadically, according to their marketing needs, and are not truly story forward.

Ryan is the same man who said Aegon I lived in and at the same time Old Valyria existed & erased every trace of ladies in waiting for Rhaenicent to make any modicum of sense. He or Hess or soemone they approved came up woth the idea that Rhaenyra, the Queen Consort, would face or even tolerate the same kind of disrespect from a council of men as Alicent, when these two women have completely different positions and in the bk, rhaeyra wouldn't even allow that shit to happen. Rhaenyra is a Queen regnant, Alicent was a Consort and then a Dowager. It makes much more sense for Alicent to into be able to do shit AND for the men to even try to speak over her or dismiss her. Nor would Rhaenyra castellan be a man who got a seat at the table, much less argue with her in front of others without facing some severe consequences. We have the raping, betraying Huh Hammer become a family man to be the PoV/inside look of the smallfolk instead of say Sylvenna Sand, Essie, Nettles, that girl Mysaria had as a messenger, Gaemon Palehair. Or you know just some random. Baela and Rhaena's relationship w/Daemon and his own personal arc is fraught with stuff that either never should have existed or is a rehash of what was "solved" back in season 2 for the whole "fix a toxic man" arc instead of just developing Baela and Jace's romance, the social effects of kinslaying at KL's court, Corlys being more active and the shifting tensions b/t him and Rhaenyra done both indirectly or directly, etc., etc.

We're not dealing with straight shooters here. 🤷🏾‍♂️

#hotd race #asoiaf race #asoiaf asks to me #hotd writing #the velaryons #the targaryens #westerosi history #the valyrians #old valyria #hotd inconsistencies #hotd critical #asoiaf #hotd

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thelaurenshippen · 8 months ago

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When you write your characters, do they have specific, locked-in physical appearances? Does that only come once you get the characters cast/does it match what the VAs look like irl? I was thinking about how, when I listen to TBS I picture the characters different than you probably do or how other listeners do.

For me, I usually only picture things like height/build and hair color/length, but even that is different from other interpretations I see in fanart. What’s it like to see fanart of characters who don’t have faces?

great question!!! no, absolutely not, pretty much never. I have a hard time coming up with character appearances even in books--I am just not a visual person! in writing prose, I of course do have to determine what they look like, but it's not usually the first thing that comes to mind.

when I wrote TBS, I had absolutely no thoughts about what the characters looked like beyond certain vibes (mark: handsome, agent green: beanpole, damien: exceptionally average, etc.) but that said, I'm not sure I necessarily picture every single character looking like their actor. and that's largely because we have so much incredible fanart for the show, that every time I see a new version of a character, I'm like "that's it!". so, to answer the last question in your ask, it RULES

but it's a little different depending on how the casting went. with the exception of Chloe and Sam, almost all the original roles in TBS (so, the first four seasons), were written without a specific actor in mind okay, I started to write a long paragraph about each of the characters and then realized it might be fun to go through the whole original cast and talk about how each actor ended up in that role--

(my god this got long I'M SO SORRY I feel like I've hijacked your really nice and straightforward question)

Sam - easy; she was written for me, she is me, and yet I never picture her looking like me

Chloe - I knew I wanted to get Anna to be a part of the show, so I wrote Chloe with her in mind. but I also don't really picture Chloe looking like her!

Dr. Bright - the hidden lore of TBS is that I thought about playing this role for about half a second, instead of playing Sam (thank GOD I wised up). I don't remember the thought process of casting Julia at all because I'm pretty sure I was just sitting in acting class one day as she was doing a scene and was like "oh, there she is"

Caleb - god, it's so weird to try and remember when these people were strangers to me - Briggon was so big-hearted in acting class, that I knew he'd bring so much to Caleb. but it was watching him do a gruffer scene in class that made me ask him - I wanted Caleb's big heart to make itself known more slowly. Briggon has an essence that I picture with Caleb, but I don't picture Briggon as Caleb, if that makes sense.

Adam - in lots of ways, Briggon cast Adam! he and Alex had been buds for ages and when I wrote the episode in which Adam first appears, I needed someone to do a few quick lines and Briggon suggested Alex. and that was supposed to be that - I had no plans to ever have Adam appear in the show again. but then, of course, we recorded with Alex and I simply had to make him a presence in the show. ditto here in terms of essence vs. appearance.

Damien - I remember the moment I (mentally) cast Charlie so vividly. I'd already shared the season 2 script where Damien first appears with Julia and she was very eager to know who I was going to cast - I think we were talking about it before class, because we both knew that we needed someone very specific and very good. and I'm like "idk! I haven't thought about it in depth yet!". and then Charlie was doing some scene or other in class and Julia and I literally leaned forward in our chairs so that we could look down the row at each other because we had the exact same thought at the exact same time. and we shared this look and that was that. I've never pictured Damien as looking like Charlie, because Charlie is way too good looking.

Mark - these next two were really hard to cast. mostly because I had such a specific idea in my head of a vocal tone/vibe, and I didn't know any actors who fit that perfectly. and it took several weeks of sunday classes with Andrew before I asked if he wanted to get coffee and talk about it. and it took that long because Andrew has this very annoying thing about him where he's literally so versatile and so grounded and real and fucking good in every role he does, that every time I'd watch him perform, all I could see is what he was doing in the moment and nothing else. I would get totally lost in what he was doing and, of course, it is that exact quality that makes him such a compelling Mark. I picture Andrew as Mark about...32% of the time.

Agent Green - an insurmountable task. no one in my acting class was right for it. no friends of friends were right for it and I asked around a lot, got sent a lot of voice memos. and then I was doing a short film with Anna and Ian was there - I'd met him once before when he was in a Rocky Horror production with Anna - and I really dug his energy. and he wasn't right at all for what I was imagining Agent Green to be, but I was like "you know what, I want to work with this actor, and it's one small-ish role in two episodes" and then we got Ian in with Julia and all of a sudden I was like "WELL I GUESS I HAVE TO WRITE A WHOLE AGENT GREEN STORYLINE NOW" (this has happened to me several times. goddamn actors). I think the Green in my head is like...the combination of Ian and his common fan art representation.

Wadsworth - I met Alex doing the same short film - she was in it and also doing fight choreographer and was just incredibly competent and cool. I knew I wanted Wadsworth to be someone who could really boss people around but, like.....in a hot way. it helped that Alex and Ian knew each other pretty well, because obviously that dynamic is central to both those characters. and I think, similarly, Wadsworth is half Alex, half fan art in my head

Frank - I hadn't really planned on bringing Frank into the show itself - kind of an Adam situation - but I saw Phillip do a very interesting intense scene in class and just....couldn't stop thinking about it. despite writing the role into the show more or less for Phillip, I don't really picture Frank as looking that much like him.

Rose - this one was pretty straightforward - I wrote Rose, thought through actresses I knew who had a particular energy and could also sing and Alana popped into my head right away! (the only other actress that came close was Helen, who plays Helen in TAMA which, as you can guess, was written for her. she's got an incredible singing voice like Alana does, but Alana was the better fit, and I got to have Helen villain it up, which was so fun, and have a fucked up thing with Wadsworth (Alex and Helen are irl besties)). but I don't picture Rose in any particular way, other than the cover art for SFP!

Charlie - I loved Ars Paradoxica, I loved Reyn in Ars Paradoxica, and it just felt right. I do think I picture Charlie as Reyn actually.

honorable mentions from the spin-offs:

Mags - I knew pretty much immediately that I wanted to get Bryce in the mix of TAMA and wrote Mags for her in the same way I wrote Chloe for Anna. Bryce and I met doing a production of Spring Awakening years and years previously (she was Martha, I was Wendla) and she's such a talent! I don't really picture Mags like Bryce though - I think I picture Mags as being much nerdier.

Beck - Jason "Marley" Beck has a very specific description in the books. he's a tall, hulking white guy with a buzz cut and a kind of frankenstein's monster energy to him. he's pale as shit. when I wrote him into TCT, I looked for actors like that (and found some truly great ones!) but I'd left the role open and when I heard Chris's audition I was like "welp. that's Beck. I guess Beck is going to be Black in podcast canon!" and that's what we did. podcast canon and book canon are technically two slightly different versions running on parallel tracks, and I wanted to go with the actor that I felt best fit the role, regardless of the fact that the book had already been published. so the image of Beck in my head is different for the book and the podcast.

Oliver - ah, Oliver. the surprising fan favorite. or, really, not that surprising, because I had the exact same reaction to Kristian when I first met him. he auditioned for a role in Passenger List and, while I was of course already a fan of his from Orphan Black, I was still shocked at just how much fun the audition was. and to be clear: auditions suck so so so so so bad. and for PL, they were full 6 hour days of watching actor after actor after actor and, well, it's my least favorite part of the process always. but for the, like, 5 minutes Kristian was in the room, I was having a genuinely good time. so of course we cast him and he was as lovely to direct as he'd been in his audition. when Caitlin came up with Oliver, I think we both had something very different in mind. but there was a mad scientist energy to him that made me think of Kristian so I pitched him to her and she liked the idea and the rest is history. and then, of course, he and Andrew's chemistry was a wild lovely surprise, so we brought him back. gun to my head, I could not tell you what I think Oliver looks like.

#lauren answers things #the bright sessions #actors #casting #lauren takes too long to say things #good GOD what kind of weird rambling monologue did I just write

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