#the cast literally was looking forward to a season 2

[allenwalkersworld]

Disney, seriously, FUCK YOU!!! Oooh, y’all got me over here seething!

[batbabydamian]

The Boy Wonder #2 by Juni Ba rambling about Gotham's fearsome hunter

added Jason to this issue's collage since it was mainly from his perspective!

ramble for issue #1 here!

starting with the cover again, but now in contrast to the first:

Dick and Barbara are presented as statues in the bg for the first cover where they’re established heroes in a secure time in their lives, and Damian is obviously the highlight! For #2's cover, the autumn leaves motif returns, but this time featuring Jason!! Apparently, Damian isn’t the only one to go through a “season of change” in this series, as Jason takes his own steps forward by the end of this story 🥺 also the literal layers on Jason - his angry Red Hood helmet and the beaten down Robin head...

The issue opens with Joe the robber and his hostage "Merle"! The glasses feels like a giveaway that this is Carrie(??) narrating Damian's story, so the final issue could end with her perspective for where Damian currently is in his journey as Robin and where she plays a part.

Jason as the "hunter" of this fairytale is such a cool concept, especially upon his introduction pages!! He's surrounded by his recent "prey" with a nice contrast of their fancy jackets, pinstripe pants, and dress shoes to Jason's own tattered hoodie, pants, and sneakers.

Just like the past issue (or just Ba's work in general lol), THE BACKGROUNDS ARE SO LOVINGLY DRAWN. Makes Jason's stroll through inner Gotham so enjoyable from the bustling activity of the people, shop signs, and advertising to the quieter area of the cemetery. It's so lived in, especially feels like each citizen in the bg has a story to tell!

some bits of interest to me: is that scaly lil arm reaching for the rat supposed to be Croc LOL; just neat visual of old Joker posters leering over Jason; the name of the cemetery a nod to Kevin Conroy? and from T. Wayne - Thomas Wayne?

Despite showing how much of an intimidating and hardened exterior the Red Hood has, there's plenty of suggestion that he has soft edges! from his act of revenge for a beloved member of the community, his familiarity with the people even greeting him, and down to his chocobar...

might be my overthinking but the layers of that close up shot of the chocobar really got me 😭 it's like such a piece of innocence when seen in his scarred hand, especially when "Wayne Sweets" is visible - is it more emphasis of Jason clinging to a safer time and Bruce Wayne himself?? or is this brand just his favorite lil treat

EITHER WAY, incredibly funny to me Jason seems to hide it once Damian shows up

Seeing Ba's storyboards has me even more curious about his process with O'Halloran - like, it's a small detail but the traffic light in the foreground being red! added emphasis on the red theme this issue, or a warning for these two to Stop heading into a trap? ANYWAY DAMIAN HESITANTLY ASKING ABOUT HIS MOTHER I'M THROWING UP AWWGH

also love critically acclaimed animated film "The Cheetah King" haha! ALTHOUGH, Jason's story does line up with Simba's - a lost prince that feels like he's failed his father. Even believed to be dead for a period of time lol

Rok the demon's design is so slick!! Seems to take after a peacock with how fanciful he is, plus his tail details in his other form! A dapper demon definitely ready for the gala!

A GLIMPSE OF BA'S HEAVIER ACTION ART!! THE POUNCE!! the Robins being entirely made up of motion lines, even the details for Jason's helmet; and i'm always a sucker for those light streaks from the eyes!! THE PUNCH!! the quick panel of Jason's fist before arcing into that POW!!

and i say a glimpse, because in just the two other books i've read from Ba so far, he draws so much more action. lil Monkey Meat promo BUT LOOK!! have i mentioned how much i love his sfx lettering...that "AAAH" getting motion lines when closer to the camera...crazy...

dropping another small element from one of his books, Djeliya! just a really cool visual of casting magic!!

I love this sequence leading up to the Joker vision! The shapely flames that dwindle into the shape of TEARS!! We don't get the extent of how deeply the Joker affected Jason until this moment and the man is terrified.

First thing Damian does after getting shot is insult Jason, DAMIAN IS SO FUNNY. Also absolutely love the wiggly woggly lines of EVERYTHING in this panel.

Considering what Damian said earlier: "We both know you'd rather not have to explain your failure to father if anything happens to me that you could have prevented." As if Jason didn't already feel like a failure before this!! of course he'd turn into jiggling jelly realizing what he's done.

After 27 pages of a narrow-eyed Red Hood, including an early tease of him about to take off the helmet for his snack, this full page of Jason unmasking himself is such a heavy reveal. Adding the aching piece of dialogue?? BRUTAL

Damian responds in kind to the vulnerability with his own confession and something Jason really needed to hear after burdening himself for so long with the idea of being a failure.

After Damian leaves, the camera pulls back to show The Door in the dark of the room. Damian quite literally presents Jason a window of opportunity to face his past, and it goes so hard. Just like the buildup of frowning mask-to-face reveal, Jason's few expressions have mostly looked sad. So the shadowed eyes before the glare of determination makes this quiet moment feel extra epic!! also reminiscent of the Red Hood mask he wears!!

Beyond the door of Jason's "past life" is complete darkness. Jason has been hoping for Batman to pull him out of it (as further suggested by the newspaper clippings), but in the final page, the door is leaking light!! Jason finds his own way forward :')

The first issue introduces the Robins with specific labels, and so far the narrative either delves deeper into those claims or challenges it. Damian is unimpressed by "kind and brave" Dick and even forms some kind of rivalry. By the end, Damian’s learned how those simple traits are essential to becoming the person and hero Dick has become and gains a newfound respect for him.

#2 deviates from #1 by following “brash and rageful” Jason's perspective! Damian is under pressure from the legacies of all the Robins before him, and even if he relates to Jason the most there's still tension. This time around, while Damian does learn what lies behind the mask, he's the one to impart some knowledge to his fellow Robin.

ending ramble with a panel of the small beans

"Look Damian, everything the light touches is our kingdom."

TBH this ramble took forever to start because after reading Djeliya and Monkey Meat, i was so floored by how much MORE Ba has to offer. Everything i raved about from the first issue of The Boy Wonder...Ba's done it all in his previous work and MORE SO?? on top of writing, whimsical paneling and lettering, fun action scenes, deliberate coloring, kickass character designs and worldbuilding... the man does it all?? 😭

Monkey Meat 🐒

Djeliya: A West African Fantasy Epic ✌️

Mobilis: My Life with Captain Nemo

The Unlikely Story of Felix and Macabber

i may save the last two books for after The Boy Wonder ends because imagining the end of the series makes me so sad LOLL orz i may cave just because Mobilis is a pleasantly giant book...praying for DC to give the collected edition of The Boy Wonder this treatment...his pages are brimming with energy they deserve to be blown up with an oversized printing 😭

[ciaomarie]

The Bear S3 Thoughts/Feelings at 4am

Warning: So much hateration below. I'm disappointed overall. It's gorgeously shot and the acting is still top tier from the main cast, but OOF.

See below the cut

I want to say this first. Napkins, Tina's episode, was lovely. Okay, moving forward...

The first couple episodes started off so strong and then….what was this?!?I LOVED THE FIRST EPISODE SO MUCH. Episode 2 was pretty good, but soon the energy was off, it was painfully slow in some places, THE FAKS ARE NOT FUNNY, Claire "haunted" the whole season and it wasn't even her fault. Most of the "comedy" came from those Fak morons, instead of our LEADS, like Richie for example. It got so bad, I faced an existential crisis during "Ice Chips." I literally started thinking, "It's just a show. It doesn't matter." Seriously, I have real life problems and this show is not only, not an escape right now, but who cares?!?!

Anyways, Donna and Nat acted their butts off, but Ep 8 was too long when we needed more development from the others. And where was Carmy during the delivery?!!? And finally Sydcarmy, FINE, if they want to go the platonic route, after placing her at the literal center of his relationship all S2, but it felt like their soul connection was severed now. They teased us so bad at the end of Ep 1, gave us a trickle in the ep 2-3, and then...nothing, unless you count Syd's panic attack. My heart dropped when she wasn't the first to notice how messed up Carmy was at the Ever dinner. Plus, he's hasn't picked up on her inner turmoil for weeks!!!!! Aren't these two supposed to be close friends with a shared passion according to Chris, Joana, Ayo, Jeremy, and the Anti-BW/WM Brigade on Reddit? I doubt I'll be staying up until 4am to binge S4 next year.

Did Chris and Joana let the acclaim get to their heads and they fell off? Matty (Neil Fak) is a producer, but is he blackmailing them to be in 9/10 episodes?? John Cena's cameo felt like it was 4 hours.

Saddest part I have to go back to. I guess the cast really wasn't lying about Sydcarmy for S3. Basically, Syd and Carmy barely know each other anymore. I HATE IT HERE. Looking forward to other more positive takes on the season and Sydcarmy.

[wing-ed-thing]

Marriage Pact (Erwin x Reader) Part I

Synopsis: To the surprise of the cadets, Commander Erwin is married to more than just his work. Their curiosity brings up fond memories of your and Erwin’s early days in the scouts.

Word Count: 5K

Tags/Warnings: Language, Mild Sexualization, Drinking Alcohol, Gender Neutral Reader, Non-Binary Hange, Fluff

Notes: My favorite part of writing for AoT is that most fics take place in this nebulous part of the timeline due to the years between the season releases (especially between 1-2). Ah, it makes it all the much simpler to be self-indulgent.

Song Pairing: Rumors are Flying - Frankie Carle 

“Commander Erwin is married?” 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” 

Mikasa delivered a swift swat to the back of Eren’s head, causing him to nearly choke on his rations. Sitting around the wooden table, the group quickly dismissed his complaints, a chorus of playful snickers and jabs drowning him out. After a long day of adrenaline-filled work, the members of the 104th readily accepted any entertainment, no matter how low-hanging.

“He wears a ring on his finger. How could you not notice?” Jean scoffed, pausing with his mug halfway to his lips. His brows furrowed in judgment as he leaned with his elbows on the table. “With your level of observational skill, I wouldn’t be surprised if you got chomped off your horse the moment you stepped outside the wall.” Eren followed suit, leaning forward and circumventing Mikasa’s presence entirely to shoot a pointed glare at Jean. Jean sipped his beverage, pretending not to notice.

“Oh, shut up,” Eren gritted through clenched teeth and an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “Why would I be looking at Commander Erwin’s hands in the first place—” Sasha nodded a few times into her bread. 

“Yeah! I always just look at his ass!” Sasha’s admission made any words die on Jean’s lips, his face contorting from self-assured condescension to acutely horrified confusion. Connie let out a bombastic cackle as the table turned their attention to Sasha. She quirked a brow as she stuffed more food into her mouth. “What? Good looking man, good looking ass….”

“That’s a married man you’re talking about, Sasha!” Connie scolded, his tone laced with a comical bite.

“If he’s even married!” She jabbed her pointer finger out in front of her, gesturing wildly to her group of friends. She shrugged, finally swallowing her mouthful of food as she stroked her chin. Sasha cast her eyes downward in thought. “We don’t know that for sure….”

“Like hell we do!” Jean sputtered, finally pulling himself together. He glanced around at the others in hopes that someone else would be on his side. “He is. He literally wears a wedding ring.” He waved his palms in circles in front of himself, growing frantic as no one appeared to back him. 

“That doesn’t mean he’s married.” Connie mirrored Sasha, the two taking greater joy in their posing than the conversation itself. Jean threw up his hands, letting his palms slap against his lap. 

“What the hell else could it mean? What else could wearing a ring on his ring finger mean?” He locked eyes with Armin, who quickly tore his gaze away. Apparently, it was a tough recruitment day for the Coalition of Reason. 

“Well… It’s just that…” Eren trailed off. Jean’s eyes shot up at him, almost daring him to side with Sasha and Connie’s comically stupid reasoning. Eren quirked the side of his lips almost indifferently. “He just doesn’t seem like the type for that kinda thing, you know?” Connie shook his head, tearing the crust off his bread as he did so. 

“I disagree; Commander Handsome is hot.”

“No, no, now you’re talking about two different things,” Reiner interjected, apparently having reached the threshold to have skin in the debate about Erwin’s marital status. His arms coiled across his chest as he sat up a bit straighter. “Someone can be hot and not be married or vice-versa. I rest my case.” He nodded to himself confidently. 

“He’s literally wearing a wedding ring!” Jean exclaimed with exasperation, accenting each of his words as he pounded his fist on the table. No one seemed to notice. 

“It would have to be someone who isn’t in the military,” Ymir told Christa. The pair were having a separate conversation near the end of the table. Reiner leaned forward to catch Ymir’s eye. She narrowed her gaze before he even spoke.

“Why d’ya think that?” 

Ymir rolled her eyes, shifting in her seat to face the rest of the table. She rested one elbow on the table and the other on her bent knee. 

“You know that the only kind of person stupid enough to marry Erwin Smith would be a civilian who doesn’t know about all the fucked up shit that goes on around here.” Ymir cocked her head, her bangs sliding across her forehead. She played with the rim of her empty cup. “Besides, can’t you see that smarmy bastard with a little homemaker to rub his shoulders when he gets home?” The lines around Reiner’s nose wrinkled as a smile broke out across his lips.

“Hey, what’s wrong with that?”

“Guys, you’re all missing what’s right in front of you.” Eren crossed his ankles under the table. He brought his fist down into the open palm of his opposite hand. “Commander Erwin is clearly married to the Survey Corps.” 

“I guess your options would be limited if you’re going into the scouts,” Armin considered aloud, eyes as haunting as usual. A few glances were shared across the table, and with the mention of senseless murder, the conversation quickly moved along.

***

Jean would almost forget the debate completely by the next day. Whether or not the Scout’s commander had a spouse or not ultimately didn’t hold much weight to Jean in the grand scheme of things. 

He rapped on the large wooden door to your office, only waiting a moment to hear your muffled permission before letting himself in. You stood by the window, still looking out the glass when Jean took his first step in. You turned to him with a smile.

“Ah, Jean! It’s good to see you. How have you been?” 

Jean’s shoulders relaxed at the sound of your voice. He hadn’t even realized how tense they had been. Between expeditions, responsibilities among the Scouts comprised mostly of administrative work and training, the administrative part being more significant than Jean expected. Being a new recruit meant he would spend his fair share of days as a gopher for clerical work. But out of all the offices he could have been sent to, the errand runners in the scouts fought over visiting your office the most. 

“Things are going as well as they can,” Jean sighed, the sides of his lips curling up into a boyish half-smile. You let out a puff of amused air, shaking your head as you motioned for him to come farther into your spacious office. You didn’t even feel like an officer most of the time, let alone a captain.

“You talk like a Scout already,” you chuckled, “Come have tea and show me what you’ve brought me.”

Jean pushed the door behind him as he entered the room, the latch bolt not quite catching in the strike, leaving the door slightly ajar. He sat in one of the chairs in front of your desk, shifting the legs across the modest carpet as you poured two cups of tea. The tea set sat on a metal cart to the left of your desk. Jean tossed the bundle of files he brought on a wooden rack, dwarfing the other papers that required your review.

You handed Jean a dainty, rose-patterned teacup on an equally delicate saucer. The intricate design complimented the similar pattern on your uniform insignia, or at least Jean had always thought so. He held the cup up to his lips and welcomed the sweet flavor. You always knew how to make a good cup of tea. A large enough salary to afford a modest sugar supply didn’t hurt either. 

“Well, I’ll be damned,” you mused, grabbing the stack that Jean had just put in your paper basket with one hand. The papers must have amounted to three inches in thickness at least. You let them fall in the space in front of you, causing an audible slap on the desk’s surface. The liquid in your teacup trembled. You locked eyes with Jean, amused. “I can only imagine what’s been going on in your neck of the woods to require this much… debriefing.” You thumbed through the file pages, unwrapping rubber bands when warranted. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Erwin was trying to get rid of me with all… this. He thinks he’s being cheeky.” 

That should have been Jean’s first clue, but his eyes and attention wandered around your office. Frankly, a new recruit remaining in the room while a superior officer reviewed documentation wasn’t common. But with recent internal shifts in the military, you often asked your errand-runners to stay due to the high volume of administrative mistakes. You found it easier to ask a soldier sitting in front of you to return with a needed but missing document rather than putting a formal request in and waiting. Jean didn’t mind the break, and you knew as much.

His attention settled on a wardrobe to his right. Above the three polished wooden drawers sat a pair of glass doors. Jean peered in, studying the display inside. On one side of the wardrobe hung a crisp Scout cloak. Its presentation made it appear like it hadn’t been used in years. The other side of the glass display was lined with three shelves. A horizontal picture frame sat on the second of the three. Jean leaned forward to get a better look.

“Captain.” You looked up at the sound of his voice. He turned to meet your gaze. “You were in the Scouts?” You hummed with a nod of your head, crossing your legs underneath your desk. Your other hand held your place within the stacks of pages. Jean stood slowly, placing his cup and saucer down as he approached the wardrobe curiously. He looked back at you. “May I?” You gave him another nod.

“I was in the Scouts from your age to maybe around four years or so ago.” You shrugged as you continued to review your generous stack of paperwork. Jean tugged open the glass doors, which gave him the slightest bit of resistance. He picked up the picture.

Sure enough, he found you among the cadets in the middle of the group. You looked younger, almost unrecognizable, but something about your face made Jean immediately know it was you. The few familiar faces almost made him chuckle. Hanji hadn’t aged a day. And right beside you stood Erwin.

Jean closed the wardrobe, returning to his chair as he studied the picture. He slouched against the back cushion.

“Not a lot of people in that drawing are here today.” You stared at the back of the frame. Something struck Jean about the quiet sorrow in your eyes. “I try to keep all of them close.”

A light knock sounded at your doorway. With the entrance already ajar, a Garrison cadet stood at the door of your office. She let out a surprised hum upon seeing your company.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Captain. You have a delivery.” You motioned for the cadet to enter with a knowing smile. The flowers in the vase she carried covered half her face, and as she set them down at the corner of your desk, they covered half of Jean’s too. “From your husband.” You thanked her, and the cadet saw herself out, closing the door behind her. 

“Sorry, Jean,” you said sheepishly, sliding the vase across your desk to reveal your guest. “I’ll get you out of here soon.” He shook his head, fingers tracing the edge of the picture frame.

“I’m fine where I am. Take your time.” 

You offered him a content nod as you continued your work. Jean continued to stare at the flowers that were just brought in. The ornate bouquet of mixed wildflowers was arranged neatly in a modest glass vase. A red ribbon wrapped neatly around the neck, tied into a crisp bow. A little cardholder jutted out from among the petals clutching a small note. 

His attention flickered to your wedding ring.

“I didn’t know you were married,” Jean said, more wondering aloud as he recalled the cadet’s last words. It wasn’t exactly true. He had seen your wedding ring the many times he came to deliver papers to you. Jean supposed he had never thought too much about your marital status, just as his friends said about Erwin the night before. Perhaps last night’s conversation sat too prevalently in his mind. 

“When you’re in this line of work, you have to live while you can.” You shut the large collection of files with a thump. You looked at Jean with a sentiment he had never seen before. “Find what makes you feel warm and never let it go until death. At least that’s what I think.” You leaned over the file with a sigh, face suddenly turning exasperated. “It looks like everything is here. Thank you for bringing the monster over.” 

“No problem,” Jean nodded. He returned the frame to your desk as he stood. He offered you a salute, and with your dismissal, he was on his way. 

You plucked the note from the bouquet as he made his way across the room, taking a second to read it. 

“Cheeky…” you smiled with a shake of your head.

Jean glanced back at you just as he closed your office door, wondering if he saw the initials “ES” on the back of your note.

***

It was the night before an expedition when you proposed it. 

Practically the entire regiment stayed up late after one of you raided a locked-off Military Police closet for booze. Even for the Scouts, morale had been lower than usual. That was probably why Erwin agreed to your little scheme in the first place. You had a way of relating to the squads in a way that was uniquely your own. And while Erwin could give the calm command of a natural leader, only you could organize a night of carefree games and stories as doom and uncertainty loomed over everyone. 

As sleeping bodies lay strewn out across the room, you met Erwin’s blue eyes with a tired sigh. You caught the semblance of a snicker as he leaned back against the stone wall. He shifted on the random cushion you and your squad collected from around headquarters. If Erwin didn’t know any better, he would have thought it was a pew cushion from a church. He shook his head, the corners of his lips causing dimples to appear on his cheeks. You glanced down at Hange, who had fallen asleep in your lap, and back to Erwin with a shrug. Their usual hair tie wrapped around your wrist as you ran your fingers through their hair. The fourth squad leader curled up on a dining table somewhere in the room.

“That was a good thing you did here,” Erwin said, sipping his drink. He had started feeling a rare buzz from the alcohol a while ago, even as carefully as he nursed his drink. Hange kept pouring him more throughout the night despite gentle declines.

“Thank you, but I mean, all I did was rob a storage closet.” You let out a gentle laugh. Erwin’s attention remained on you even as you looked off. The fireplace flicker between the two of you cast a warm glow onto your face. “Actually, you’re the one who broke the lock, so I didn’t really do anything.” You met eyes with him again. He held you in the stark, baby-blue of his irises. Intimate and wordless. Erwin cocked his head to the side in a silent challenge. You let out a snicker with a playful roll of your eyes, and he smiled behind the rim of his mug. 

“I think everyone really enjoyed themselves.” Erwin glanced out into the dark room of sleeping soldiers, each sprawled across your random, borrowed cushions with their cloaks draped over them. Empty bottles of alcohol lay strewn across the floor. 

“Did you?” you asked softly, slowly running your fingers through Hange’s hair. Erwin rolled his cup between his palms, shifting his legs to bend at the knee as he sat back. 

“Yes, I did.” He gave a single nod. He rolled his cup again before coming to hold it by the handle. “It hasn’t been easy to keep everyone’s hopes up. You’re far better at it than me, that’s for sure.” You hesitated.

“I’m glad you had a good time,” you said, downing about half of what remained in your cup. The alcohol made you feel warm and light in the head. But even so, thoughts of the next day’s expedition haunted you. You felt the same about the previous failed missions that everyone else felt, but as a Squad Leader, you pushed yourself to put on a brave face. “I’m glad I could give everyone a little peace of mind before we leave tomorrow. It’s about all I feel I can do.” Erwin frowned.

“Don’t discount yourself.”

“I’m not,” you answered too quickly. The hall's silence took up the space between the two of you. The crackle of the fire popped softly as Erwin studied you closely. He tilted his head as you bowed yours. You braided a random portion of Hange’s hair. “It’s just the truth. If anyone’s going to give them real hope, it’ll be the one making a difference out there. You’re the one the commander keeps in his back pocket.” 

“I don’t connect with the soldiers like this.” Something about his tone made you glance up. Erwin’s face grew serious, not quite angry or upset, but grave. His gaze pierced your spirit, and you hummed complacently. “You know that. I know you do.”

“If anything, all this was for me.” you sighed and shook your head. You took another sip of your drink before returning to your little, random braids. You let out another deep sigh. “They say exactly what I’m trying not to think. And what are you supposed to say?... It fucks with me. Especially when they’re kids.”

“I know.” 

You moved on to another section of Hange’s head, the movements of your fingers growing faster. 

“It’s hard not to get attached. I want them all to be okay, and I just know they won’t all be okay.”

“I know.”

As you finished your second braid, you reached for your drink. Without a second thought, you downed the rest of it. The burn of the ethanol had long gone away. 

“Have you ever thought about marriage and kids and shit?” you mused, perhaps a bit too loud. Erwin’s thick eyebrows shot up, startled but amused by your sudden outburst. Your words echoed through the room, but no one stirred. They stayed suspended in the thick atmosphere as the emotions in your chest darted across your heart. Erwin leaned forward with his elbows on his bent knee, his cup still gripped in one hand. 

“Have I ever thought about marriage and kids and shit?” He repeated, the undertone of a laugh lacing his voice. It almost sounded crass coming from him, and hearing your words over again made you suddenly self-conscious.

“I, uh, I mean—”

“Yeah, I have,” Erwin answered, much to your surprise. He also downed the rest of his beverage, placing his mug on the wooden floor. “With a woman, I knew in my cadet years.” 

Your heart flipped in your chest, caught off guard by Erwin’s sudden vulnerability. The feeling seared like a spear driven straight through you. You knew, logically, that Erwin had to have had a romantic interest in others in the past. Not that it mattered to you in the slightest. Besides, what stake did you have to your fellow Squad Leader? Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Oh,” was about all you could answer. You scrambled to find some other commentary to share that didn’t make it sound like you were too personally invested in Erwin’s romantic affairs. You continued to fidget in an attempt to avoid Erwin’s gaze. A bit of drool poured from Hange’s mouth onto your thigh. Unfortunately, you were not very convincing.

“She’s long been married to my good friend. They’re expecting a second child.” Erwin shrugged. You weren’t sure if the new information made you feel better or worse. 

“I’m sorry,” you offered, unsure what else to say. Erwin shifted on his cushion in your peripheral, his back audibly cracking as he did. The noise made you snort. 

“No need to be sorry. It’s in the past.” 

“Is it?” You observed the orange light that illuminated his strong features. His jaw locked with Erwin’s usual certainty as he nodded. Still, you knew him well enough to pick up the slightest hint of hesitation. “I mean, what happened?” you asked, the alcohol doing away with your filter. Erwin let out a deep sigh, attention somewhat wandering as he debated whether he wanted to say.

“She wanted a family.” He almost sounded resigned with a hint of indifference mixed into his tone. He shook his head as if giving in to a fight he had had many times before. You wondered whose face came to his mind. 

“And… you didn’t?” You pushed, your brow raising as you repositioned yourself. Hange’s head had become heavy, but they didn’t notice as you assumed another sitting position. “It’s not that I didn’t,” Erwin said in a tone resembling playful defensiveness. You glanced up at him briefly, curiosity pushing you to keep digging at him. Erwin stared upward in thought before another slow shake of his head. “You know very well the significance of our role here.”

“And yours is?” He met your eye, and his face scrunched into confusion— something not seen often on Erwin Smith’s face. It was small. It was the slightest crease in his brow and the soft purse of his lip as he tilted his head to the side.

“And mine is what?”

“Your role? What’s the endgame?” You snorted, finding yourself melted into the conversation. The focus wasn’t on you. Between your liquid courage and your fatigue, you let your intrigue guide you. “What’s so important that you’ve sworn off love or whatever—” You gestured dramatically with your hands.

“Okay, I never said I swore off love.” He waved you off as if to physically dismiss the thought from the conversation. Erwin leaned forward to rest his elbow on the knee of one of his crossed legs. He rested his cheek in his hand, officially invested. “You make me sound like a jaded old man.”

“Aren’t you?” Your retort was quick. Erwin’s lip curled in a mock pout. He balled up his cloak, and you shielded yourself with your arm as it hit your cheek. The fabric smelled like him. “Hey!” You laughed, catching the bundle with one hand as you gestured to Hange. Erwin held his hands up in defeat and a playfully exaggerated eye roll. 

You unfurled the cloak. It took a second to orient it correctly before draping it over your shoulders. Erwin’s cloak was slightly longer than yours. You covered Hange’s torso with it as they continued to sleep soundly. Hange could sleep through an earthquake. 

When you turned back to Erwin, he was already staring, a softness in his eyes. You took a quick look behind you, and upon seeing nothing, you turned back to him again.

“So what is it? What’s your role?” You pushed again. Erwin snickered to himself, a silent puff of air escaping his nose, allowing his head to bow as he recovered. 

“To carry out my duties,” he answered, almost unsure. He held himself like you had never seen before. Never had you seen Erwin so relaxed, raw, and playful. You shot back a similar look he had given you earlier in the night: one of skepticism and challenge. Erwin took in a deep breath. “I want to understand what humanity has never understood before. I need to witness truth for myself, I suppose.” He scrunched his forehead, part of him unsure if his words were as diplomatic as he liked.

“And you can’t do that with a family?”

“Well, you were the one who just said stuff about kids and feeling guilty. You said it fucks with you if we’re using your words.” Erwin sat back against the wall, arms crossed over his broad chest. He stretched his long legs out in front of him.

“Who said a family means children?” You mirrored him, leaning back on your palms. Hange remained curled on your lap. Erwin bobbed his head from side to side in consideration.

“You’re right on that point,” he conceded. “Ideally—” You groaned.

“All or nothing is so like you.” You rolled your eyes as you nestled deeper into Erwin’s cloak. He gaped for a second, not knowing how to respond to your casually spoken criticism. 

He sputtered. It was cute.

“I feel like I should take offense to that.” He blinked, taken aback.

“You’re depriving yourself of happiness you know you want because you think there are only two options? Please. Just date someone in the military. Another truth-seeker, if you will.” You let your head lull to the left, resting on your own shoulder as you stared out into the dark room. Two soldiers sat slumped over each other a few feet away. They sat with their cloaks draped over one another, illuminated by the fire. “You know, I heard Owens and Murray have a marriage pact. The two of them say if they get through tomorrow’s expedition alive, they’re going to go straight to the courthouse to get married.”

You almost zoned out, lost in the dim outline of the Wings of Freedom. Perhaps you were getting tired after all. With any luck, you could get at least some sleep in before the expedition.

“Was that a proposal?” You snapped back to reality. Erwin stared as you blinked a few times, lips pursed together mischievously as he held back an amused smile. His leather shoulder straps had fallen the slightest bit off his shoulders.

“What? Of course not!” A warm heat spread under your skin. “I was just telling you something I heard.”

“Well, you were the one telling me to date my comrades and form a marriage pact. I just assumed you were insinuating that you meant with you.” You stammered in disbelief, watching Erwin struggle to hold back his Cheshire grin. “That’s what it sounded like.” His brows rose on his forehead, painting his face with self-assurance akin to cockiness.

“You! In your dreams!” You searched your immediate vicinity for something to throw at him. Finding nothing, you took Hange’s hair tie off your wrist and shot it at Erwin with unmatched speed and dexterity. He dodged it, ducking off to the side as it hit the wall behind him. “You’re full of yourself!” Hange hardly stirred. “I wasn’t suggesting anything. In fact, I was thinking of asking Fletcher.” You crossed your arms with a severe pout.

“Fletcher,” Erwin repeated, the name forming in his mouth like a foreign object. Erwin shook his head in disbelief, blinking his eyes a few times as he did. He stuck out a hand towards you in a forward-slicing motion. “Who puts his ODM gear on backward half the time.”

“Which means he gets it right the other half,” you quickly retorted. Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“You could do so much better,” he groaned. He ran a hand through his neat, blond hair. 

“Fletcher is a perfectly suitable partner, thank you very much.” You glanced off into the dark room, lowering your voice. “I was thinking about it, and I… you know, I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. You have to take a chance and live a little.” Erwin rubbed his chin, still in disbelief. He yawned. 

“I still think you could do better.”

“Well, it’s like you said; it’s not like you have a lot of options when you join the Scouts,” you huffed. Sure, your companion from your cadet years wasn’t the brightest, but at least you were trying to pursue a life while you still could. “If I gamble with heartbreak and lose, I can at least know I achieved something.” Erwin scoffed.

“A gamble, huh?” He rolled his head from shoulder to shoulder, another tense crack popping from his bones. He stretched his arm to the side. Before you could say a word, he let out a concentrated breath. “Okay.” Erwin shrugged, resuming his earlier position leaning against the wall. Even as he closed his eyes, you didn’t like the smug look on his face.

“Okay… what?” You asked suspiciously. 

“I’ll throw my hat into the ring.” He shrugged again, and you nearly threw your hands up in defeat. 

“What ring?” You nearly exclaimed. 

Erwin’s eyes fluttered open. You stared into them with a frown. The fire had since grown smaller, darkening the already dim room. His irises shone brightly, even in the waning glow of the fire. You watched each other in silence and with bated breath. He leaned forward.

“I’d say, if we make it out of the next three expeditions alive, we marry each other.”

His proposition hit you like a frying pan over the head.

You gaped, your mouth opening before closing again. You stumbled over what to say, the semblance of words tripping incoherently out of your mouth until you found it in you to ask a single question,

“Why three?” Erwin actually chuckled at that one. Sheepishness and acute embarrassment burned harder in your cheeks. Considering how long you had known each other, you had no idea what made you so nervous.

“We can gamble and make it five if you’d like.” Erwin crossed one arm over his chest and held his chin with the opposite hand. An excitement, a certain mischief, continued to blaze in his expression.

“You do like a good gamble,” you noticed with hesitancy. You glanced at Owens and Murray, who still slept curled against one another. You eyed Erwin out of your peripheral. “I like three, though,” you mused. “And if you die, I marry Fletcher.” He hummed.

“I don’t think I’m going to die, though. I don’t think you will either.”

“Yeah… I don’t think so either.”

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed and otherwise supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Notes: I HAVE HAD SO MUCH ERWIN BRAINROT IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY THIS WAS GOING TO BE 1/5 THE SIZE OF THIS FIC PLEASE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MAN

Notes: this oneshot will get another part at 50 reblogs!

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Week 3 (Cha Cha Part 2)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble. 

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 17.6k

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

👉 Chapter Warnings: Dieter being Dieter. Gratuitous use of the "f" word and talk about Dieter’s member. Cat and Plant dad Dieter cuteness. Brief mentions of intimate partner violence (more protective Dieter).

Chapter Quote: “I think I just became the bitch of a seven pound menace.”

Dieter’s POV

This week had been a fucking roller coaster. It started off with a bizarre production meeting with Stacia and Joe. I couldn’t believe they asked Kat and me to be flirty for the cameras, knowing she was engaged to someone else who is part of the cast. It was beyond inappropriate. Honestly, it pissed me off and I wasn’t OK with it. I didn’t like the position it would put her in. 

They hadn’t been wrong about Kat standing out during the group performance. It was obvious to anyone who had eyes and I honestly felt proud of her. After the way Stacia had acted when I requested Kat as my partner, like she wasn’t that great of a dancer, it was almost like a big ‘fuck you’ to her. I loved every second of it and was feeling a little smug as they talked about putting Kat in the spotlight. It took everything in me not to rub it in.

The lunch with Kat that followed was an interesting experience. We really hadn’t got to spend a lot of time talking about things other than dancing up to this point. The lunch was a welcome break to have other conversations. I appreciated that she seemed interested in my hobbies. My plant hobby wasn’t something that I really got to discuss with people, so it was refreshing. I also got to learn about her plans for opening a dance studio after this season ends. I could tell she wasn’t looking forward to giving up competitions, but she seemed legitimately excited about her next steps. I was excited for her, and honestly, I couldn’t wait to see what she came up with. I knew whatever she did would be amazing.

During our first rehearsal for the Cha Cha, I found myself spiraling. Especially when we started putting the dance together. I knew the Latin dances had more of a flirty and sexual feel to them and I tried to mentally prepare myself for that ahead of time. However, I was not prepared for the way Kat was moving her hips, especially when she was doing it with her backside essentially rubbing up against my dick. When I told her I didn’t want to make an ass of myself, I was referring to the fact that it was taking everything in me to keep little bravo from standing at full attention and poking her from behind. I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t relax. It was literal torture. I was obviously going to have to figure out how to deal with that or we were going to have a problem going forward. I’m not even sure how I made it through rehearsals that day. 

I was shocked when a text from Kat popped up on my phone later that evening. I was even more shocked when she said we were going to a Latin dance club. I tried to play it off with jokes, but internally I was falling apart. I spent the evening standing in my closet staring at my clothes. I had no fucking clue what to wear to a Latin dance club. I ended up texting my stylist around 10:30 PM, begging her to tell me what to wear. I was relieved when she said she would have a few things sent over the next day.

I had an appointment with my therapist very early the next morning. The first topic of the day was how things were going with Kat. I lied through my teeth, wanting to change the subject. I was not ready to unpack my feelings for Kat with Dr. Smith. Mostly because I was afraid of what she would have to say about it. I’m not sure Dr. Smith believed a word I said. She gave me a skeptical look when I changed the subject, but let me continue without coming back to that topic. I did notice her jotting down some notes though. I had a feeling it was going to come back to bite me later. I knew my feelings were wrong and that I shouldn’t be having them, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like it was out of my control at this point. I had tried so fucking hard to ignore it and I was still trying but failing. Some of it was physical, obviously, but the more time I spent with Kat the more I was drawn to her personality. I had never felt anything like this before and could not even begin to understand what it meant. I just wanted to pack it away and worry about it later. 

I had a photo shoot with some fancy men’s fashion magazine after that. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure which one. It was the last thing I wanted to be doing, but I needed any job I could get. I still had to prove that I had my shit together and could show up and work without issue. It was also part of rehabilitating my image. The new and improved stylish Dieter Bravo. People in Hollywood talked, so it was important that I was present mentally and physically for this. I did my best to smile and be engaged with everyone, but it all felt forced. However, everyone seemed happy with the final product, so I took that as a win. At least it kept my mind distracted from what Kat and I were doing later. 

When I got home, I found that my stylist had dropped off several items of clothing for our outing. I went with what looked the most comfortable. Luckily it was mostly light fabrics, so I wouldn’t burn up. I really only needed to change clothes since I had already showered, and my hair was styled from the shoot. That left me with an hour to do absolutely nothing except get myself worked up into a frenzy. The minutes were dragging on agonizingly slow, and my mind was already going to places that it shouldn’t be. I wondered what Kat would be wearing and if she was going to be moving the way she had been during rehearsals the day before. The thought of her rubbing up against me again was already making me hard. 

I paced around my bedroom, begging my dick to calm the fuck down. Nothing was working. The only resolution I could come up with was to take care of it. I had been avoiding doing this because every time, my thoughts would wander to Kat. I didn’t want to think about her that way, worried that it would open up a door that I was frantically trying to hold closed.

I huffed out a quiet “fuck it” under my breath before quickly undressing and grabbing a t-shirt off the floor that I had slept in and crawled onto the bed. I found a bottle of lube in the nightstand drawer and went for it. I didn’t even try to keep the thoughts of Kat away this time - the way she would bite her lip and look at me through her lashes, the way it felt when she touched me while we were dancing, the way her hips moved. I imagined how she would look moving her hips like that on top of me and how fucking amazing she would feel wrapped around me. That was all it took to send me over the edge. I felt like a fucking teenager who was unable to control his load with how fast I came into my dirty t-shirt over the mental image of her writhing on top of me.  

I laid there with my eyes closed for a few minutes, trying to come down from the high I was still riding, but the images and thoughts kept coming. I couldn’t stop them now. I wondered how she was when it came to sex. Would she prefer it to be slow and sensual or did she have a wild side? Something told me it was a little bit of both, and I was one hundred fucking percent on board with that. Within minutes, I was hard again. Jesus fucking Christ what is wrong with me? It had to be a new record because it never happened that quickly. Was it because I had been denying myself? Or was it because of Kat? Maybe both? 

I looked at the clock, realizing I had to leave in 30 minutes. I sighed loudly, aware that this little problem wasn’t going away on its own. It was already almost painful. So, I went for round two and hoped that it got whatever the fuck this was out of my system. 

Twenty minutes later I was a sweaty mess, standing in front of a fan trying to cool off after having one of the most intense orgasms I can recall having from masturbating. Then again, I had probably been too high in the past to remember the majority of them, so that didn’t say much. Once my heart rate calmed down, I moved to the bathroom and grabbed a towel to dry myself off some. I didn’t have time for a shower, so I threw on some more deodorant and cologne and hoped for the best. At least my hair still looked decent. 

I somehow made it to the dance studio a few minutes early. I sat in the car waiting for Kat. I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes, feeling strangely calm and focused. I hoped I could maintain this mood for the rest of the evening - the rest of the week even. I just needed time to desensitize myself to the intimacy and close proximity that we were being forced into this week. Once I did that, I would be able to handle anything. I had to. 

I was startled from my thoughts by Kat opening the passenger side door. She laughed loudly over my reaction and it was the most beautiful sound. I could listen to her laugh all day. Then I took in what she was wearing, a simple knee length black dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen, and she wasn’t even showing that much skin. 

I appreciated that she thought to warn me about the bar during the drive to the club. Most people wouldn’t have considered that. I figured there would be alcohol and other substances floating around, but oddly enough, those things were not even on my radar. I wasn’t lying to her when I said it was a non-issue because I would be distracted. I just fibbed about what my distraction would be. My thoughts were only of her, and I knew they would be for the rest of the night. 

The club was as expected, the same as any other. Kat wasted no time pulling me onto the dance floor. I was hesitant at first, worried about the possible involuntary reactions my dick might decide to have. Any hesitation I had dissipated when Kat grabbed my face and forced me to focus on her. There was something familiar about the way she was looking at me that I couldn’t place as she urged me to become one with her and the music - to relax and trust her. It drew me in, igniting that connection that we shared. The connection that I had been fighting so hard this week. After that, I was surprised to find that my worries ended up being a non-issue. I had to laugh to myself, realizing the only thing I had been needing to do was beat little Bravo into submission, for tonight at least.

The longer we danced, the more at ease I became. It felt like we were just two friends having a good time together. It seemed a little flirty, but that was the general atmosphere, and it came with this type of dancing. I knew that and tried not to dwell on it much. When Kat broke away and suggested a water break, I noticed she had an odd look on her face. I wanted to ask if something was wrong, but decided not to, figuring she was probably just tired. She had been going all day after all. She offered to go grab us some bottles of water. She didn’t have to say it, but I knew she was making an effort to keep me away from the bar, which I appreciated. The last thing I needed was to be photographed near one.

I was surprised when a few fans approached and asked for pictures while I waited for Kat to return. In the past, I had been kind of an asshole to fans, and I knew it. So, I tried to make it a good experience for them. They seemed just excited to see Kat when she joined us. They had actually been fun to talk to and it ended up being a humbling reminder that they were the reason I had the life that I did. It made me appreciate my choice to get sober even more.  

Once Kat and I got back on the dance floor, I could feel something shifting between us. She had that familiar look on her face again and it was stirring something inside of me. After a few songs, it finally hit me. It was the same look she had in the video I had watched of her and Alec dancing. She never had it with any of her other partners from what I had seen. 

This realization sent my mind spiraling. Now that I had picked up on it, I couldn’t stop looking at her eyes. There was fire blazing in them as she looked back at me, but there was something else there too. Conflict? Confusion? The intensity of it only seemed to increase the longer we went on. I could feel the air crackling between us so strongly that it was making me dizzy. I was almost afraid to think about it, but my gut told me that she was feeling something for me too. 

When I playfully dipped her backward, I couldn’t help admiring her neck as her hair slid off it. For the first time, I dared to wonder what it would be like to kiss her there. As I pulled her upward, our eyes locked. I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. She rested her forehead against mine as her hand gently caressed my cheek. I could feel her hot breath blowing over my lips as we lingered there. I really thought she was going to kiss me, until she suddenly turned to walk away. I didn’t want to let go, allowing my hands to trail down her body as she moved toward the edge of the dance floor. What the fuck just happened? 

And just like that, the spell was broken. When she turned back toward me, she was smiling, but her eyes were guarded, and the fire was nearly extinguished. It wasn’t completely gone though, I could still see it simmering under whatever composure she thought she had gained. I gave her a big smile, relishing my new discovery. 

I wasn’t surprised when she suggested we leave after that. The atmosphere of this place was chipping away at the thin wall that both of us had put up. If we stayed, that wall was going to crumble, fast. 

I didn’t hesitate to take her hand as she led us out of the club. I was having sort of a “fuck it” moment and throwing caution to the wind when it came to touching her. I wasn’t even sure if I could stop myself at this point. We took a minute to take some selfies with fans on our way out. I kept at least one hand on her throughout that. The whole ride back to the studio I did manage to restrain myself since I had no reason to touch her while I was driving. I wanted more than anything to take her hand or rest mine on her thigh. I was dumbfounded by this sudden urge. It wasn’t one that I had before. I usually shied away from any type of physical touch unless I was having sex with someone. Even then, it wasn’t affectionate. It was for pleasure. Affection just wasn’t something I had had a lot of in my life and it wasn’t something I ever wanted. Until now. 

When we got back to the studio and found Alec waiting outside, my stomach dropped. I had a really bad feeling about leaving Kat alone with him because he looked angry and a little inebriated. When she told me to go inside, I hesitated, but felt like I couldn’t just stand there. So, I went inside and got changed, realizing that I had left my sneakers in the car when I didn’t find them in my gym bag. At least I had a good excuse to go outside and make sure she was OK. 

As I walked out the front entrance, my eyes immediately sought Kat out. My gaze found her just as Alec shoved her against the wall, causing her head to smack against the brick. I didn’t hesitate to go to her and shove him out of the way. I had never wanted to cause harm to someone so much in my life. It was taking everything in me not to crush his fucking face in with my bare hands, but Kat came first, and I needed to make sure she was unharmed. I’m sure my attentiveness to her only pissed Alec off further, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to bow down to his ego anymore. 

I decided to try and diffuse the situation, for Kat’s sake, but that didn’t go as planned. I couldn’t say I was really surprised that Alec tried to hit me. I saw the look in his eyes and the way his hand balled up before he threw the punch. I was surprised by my reaction to it though. I’m pretty sure I closed my eyes as I flinched away from his fist, but somehow still managed to hit him pretty damn hard right in the nose. Hard enough that my hand was burning afterward. The satisfaction that I got from seeing his busted up face was well worth it. 

When Alec called out for Kat to leave with him, I could feel every muscle in my body tense. There was no way I was letting her go. I couldn’t. I would hit him again before I let that happen. I was relieved when he didn’t try to fight it and left without further issue. As soon as he was safely out of our vicinity, I pulled Kat into a tight hug. I needed to check her over again - make sure she was really OK. Of course, she brushed away my concern in place of her own as she looked over my hand. 

I realized she needed something else to focus on so that she didn’t fall apart. So, I let her take care of me. It didn’t stop me from looking her over again as she dug through the first aid kit. I could see her hands trembling as she rummaged around for supplies. Physically she seemed fine, but I knew her emotions were all over the place. I could tell she was in a fragile state, and it was breaking my heart. For the first time I noticed that this sweet and beautiful person was so fucking broken on the inside. She had done well to hide it, but the cracks were there, and I was finally seeing them. I wanted nothing more than to make her feel better and keep her safe. I wanted her to be mine and I wanted to take care of her the way she deserved. 

I knew it was a bad idea to put my feelings out into the world right now, so I didn’t. I did, however, want her to know that I was here for her and that I was willing to help in any way she needed. It was all I could offer, but it seemed to be enough. For now. Even though I didn’t tell her how I felt about her, I did share what I thought about Alec. I could only hope she would consider my words and make the right choice for her own well being. I had already decided that I would be there for her through it, no matter what, I just hoped she would let me.

I spent all night tossing and turning, worried about whether Kat was safe. She had texted that she got home safely and was locked in, but that didn’t do anything to relieve my anxiety. I was up before my alarm went off the next morning, in a rush to get to the studio just so I could lay eyes on her. Then I realized me getting there sooner didn’t mean she would get there sooner. I grabbed my phone, found her name in my contacts, and typed out a quick text. 

Me: Want me to pick you up some breakfast with your coffee? Muffin? Cheese Danish? Kit Kat? 😏 (smirk emoji). 

It was my sneaky ass way of making sure she was OK without asking. 

Kat: Again, I will never turn down food. Surprise me. No Kit Kats though. I’m banning them from the studio. 

I chuckled. It seemed like she was back to her normal snarky self. 

Me: ☹️☹️☹️ (three frowny face emojis)

Kat: OK. Fine. Just don’t let me SEE you eating them. 

Kat: And Dieter…

Me: Yeah?

Kat: I’m OK. You could have just asked. Thank you though. 💜 (heart emoji)

Well, damn. She was onto me. Not that I minded. I kind of loved that she knew me well enough to know what I was up to. 

Me: I didn’t want to be annoying about it. I’m happy you’re OK though. I was worried. Maybe I’ll actually get some sleep tonight…I’ll see you soon.  

I hesitated before I hit send on that reply, but I wanted her to know how concerned I was and that I actually cared. At this point, I felt like I was mentally getting out a hammer and chisel, chipping away tiny pieces of wall between us. I wasn’t going to be able to keep all this in forever. Hell, before it’s over, I may end up busting through, Kool-Aid man style. 

Once I gathered everything I needed for the day, I headed to the coffee shop, getting there in record time. I got Kat’s usual coffee order and added a blueberry scone. I was antsy, wanting to get the studio as soon as possible. I still needed to see her, to be sure. I knew the tightness in my chest wasn’t going to go away until I did. 

I arrived at the studio twenty minutes early. I was surprised when I spotted Kat’s car in its usual spot. The space beside it was open, so I pulled in. Knowing it would be easier for me to keep an eye on things as we left later. My arms were full causing me to struggle to get inside the main entrance, but I managed without dropping anything. Kat laughed at my exasperated face once she noticed me trying to open the heavy studio doors. She ran over to help, giving me a warm smile as she took the drinks and food from my hands. 

Kat sat everything down on a few chairs at the back of the room. I followed behind, eyeing her. I was relieved to see that she did seem to be OK, that was until she reached up to tie her hair back. After she finished, the wide neck of her top slid off of her shoulder, revealing bruises. I could feel my jaw tightening as I reached out to touch them. 

Kat’s brow furrowed at my expression before looking down to where my fingertips softly grazed her discolored skin. She sighed, taking my hand in hers as she peered up at me, “I told you, I’m fine. I didn’t even notice it.” 

I shook my head, feeling the rage simmering, then pulled her into a tight hug. “Please tell me you’re done with him,” I said into the top of her hair. 

She hugged me around the waist, burying her face in my chest for a moment before she pulled back, inhaling a deep breath, “I had a ton of messages and missed calls from him when I got home last night. All full of apologies…he knows he fucked up.” 

I tensed, not liking how this sounded.

“I texted him back…not ending things, but I did ask for space. I have a lot to think about and I can’t do that with him talking at me.” 

I was hopeful that she would see what an asshole he was. She had to. She couldn’t continue like this.

“How are you feeling about things this morning?” I asked.

She gave me an apprehensive look.

“You know what, it’s not my business. I shouldn’t be asking.” I said before she could respond, suddenly feeling like I was prying. I didn’t want to do that. I moved to turn away from her, but then I felt her hand on my arm, “No, really…it’s OK. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Nobody knows about that side of him.”

She sighed, sat down, then ran her hands down her face. “Honestly, I’m just kind of numb. I really don’t feel anything. I should at least be angry, right? Is that bad?”

I sat down beside her. She reached for my injured hand and started rubbing her fingers over the knuckles with a lost look in her eyes. I watched her for a moment before I responded. 

“Honestly, I think maybe you feel that way because you're avoiding dealing with it. Compartmentalizing it maybe? But I get the feeling it’s reaching a point where you can’t do that anymore.”

She pursed her lips and nodded. “I think maybe you might be right.” 

Her eyes met mine with a sad smile on her lips, “The film crew will be here soon. I should try to cover this up. I don’t wanna give them gossip on a silver platter.” 

She turned and reached for her gym bag, pulling out a smaller pouch full of makeup. I watched as she dabbed green, yellow, and purple color correctors on my knuckles then covered it with concealer, finishing with a setting spray. The discoloration and bruising were hardly noticeable now. 

“Hopefully that will last long enough to get us through filming today. I’ll try to be careful and not rub it off while we’re dancing,” she said. Now turning her attention to the noticeable bruise on her shoulder. She started working to cover that as well, but struggled, not really able to see what she was doing. I reached out my hand, “Here, let me do that for you.” She sighed, but relented and handed me the color corrector palette she was holding. 

I could feel her eyes on my face as I worked. My cheeks heated under her gaze as my heart pounded away in my chest. The static was crackling between us again, causing a few more chips to fall away from the wall between us. The moment felt incredibly intimate, and it only made me crave more. Once I was finished, she quietly thanked me and packed everything away out of sight. 

We sat enjoying our coffee and breakfast as the camera crew started filing in with their equipment. A couple of the crew members got us mic'd up and started the interview right away while everything else was set up.  Of course, they had questions about the sightings of us at the Latin club. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. Luckily, Kat handled those questions perfectly. I know I would have stumbled my way through them in a way that probably would have raised some eyebrows. 

Overall, we were more relaxed during filming this week - actually laughing and having fun as we rehearsed. We had a moment where Kat accidentally kicked me in the shin while transitioning to a lift. I turned on the dramatics for it, whining and rubbing at the spot as if it had hurt badly. It really hadn’t, but I did enjoy getting her worked up over it. Once she realized I was messing with her, she lightly smacked my shoulder and called me a jerk before breaking into laughter. The crew got a good chuckle out of it, quickly catching onto my antics before Kat did. We pretty much had the routine down by the end of the day, which put us a little ahead of schedule. That took a lot of stress off us for the week, which I think helped with the playfulness between us. 

The day was over before we knew it.  Kat seemed to be in better spirits as she got into her car, smiling at me over the roof of it as she waved. Once she was safely on her way, I pulled out of the parking lot to head to the pet store…again. I had gone through several different brands of cat food over the last week. The Little Dude wasn’t having any of it. He only wanted Tuna. I found myself in the cat food aisle, staring at a wall of packages. They all looked the same to me. I sighed, feeling overwhelmed by the options and not knowing anything about cats. I finally settled on some meaty looking wet food and hoped for the best. 

As soon as I got home, I found Little Dude waiting outside the sliding glass door in the kitchen. He was on a schedule now and wasn’t going to let me forget about it. I opened the door, allowing him to come sashaying into the kitchen to sit next to the island. Waiting and watching as I scooped some of the new canned food out onto a plate and presented it to him. He stood and tentatively sniffed the chunks, then took a few nibbles but decided against it. He sat back down and looked up at me, whipping his tail around. 

“Still a no, huh?” I said to him. He meowed loudly back at me. I sighed heavily, “You know, considering you were on the streets not long ago, you’ve gotten awfully picky. I feel taken advantage of here…” 

He meowed again. I rolled my eyes as I moved toward the pantry for another pouch of tuna. I tried mixing some of the juice in with the food and gave it back to him. He still wouldn’t touch it. So, I added a few chunks of tuna as a topping. He ate the tuna and left the rest of it, before plopping himself down on his haunches and staring at me for more.

I chuckled to myself, “I think I just became the bitch of a seven pound menace. Fine, Dude. You win. Here’s your damn tuna. We need to get this figured out though. I’m sure you're not getting all your nutrients from that.”

He meowed up at me happily as I added more tuna to the plate. Once he had his fill, he walked over and jumped up on the couch making himself at home. I scoffed, “Dude, come on. You smell like something out of Pet Semetary.” He had the audacity to start wallowing around on his back. I rolled my eyes as I made my way to the linen closet, pulling out a spare blanket. After moving back to the couch, I opened up the blanket and fluffed it out next to him. He wasted no time settling in, purring and making biscuits with his paws. I gave him some scratches behind the ears as he dozed off. It was clear to me now, this cat was obviously trying to move in. With a heavy sigh, I realized that I needed to get some cat stuff for the house if this was going to be a thing, but I wasn’t even sure where to start with that. It was just another thing to worry about, but I sort of didn’t mind. He was definitely growing on me, making the house feel less empty and me less alone.  

Friday rehearsals went by in a blur. I arrived a few minutes early, finding Kat in the studio, ready to go. She seemed in good spirits as we joked through our morning coffee. Her twinkling laugh continued as we went through our stretch routine. I moaned and groaned through the torture while she bent my body to its limits, and I loved every fucking minute of it. I noticed that our new found comfort with each other had her leaning into me more. Her touches were more casual and relaxed. I couldn’t get enough of the feeling of her warmth against me or the brilliant smile on her face as she laughed at my ridiculousness. The hint of sadness that I noticed hidden in her eyes the last couple of days was nowhere in sight. 

Once we moved into the routine, the air between us felt like it was crackling again. Heated glances and small smiles passed between us as we made it through the entirety of the dance several times without error. We were so in tune with each other now, dancing in silence as one. Moving effortlessly through the steps without any thought or hesitation from either of us. The world fell away at that moment. We could have been in the midst of a war zone, and I wouldn’t have noticed. All I saw was her. There was no question about it now, I definitely had feelings for her that were more than just physical attraction. I couldn’t keep denying it to myself. 

Of course, Alec was technically still in the picture. Kat made a point to say that she hadn’t ended things with him. She had only asked for space. I was still determined not to put her in any type of compromising position. I had too much respect for her to do that, my own feelings be damned. I really needed to watch myself. 

After a few hours, we finally took a break. I lay sprawled out on the floor, staring up at her as she drank from her water bottle. I could see the sweat running down her neck, disappearing in the hidden space between her breasts. I had to force my eyes upward to her face before little Bravo decided to wake up against my wishes. 

When she finished, she turned to me, catching me staring. I didn’t even bother to look away. She gave me a shy smile as she sat down on the floor next to me. 

“So, what are you up to this evening? More plant daddy responsibilities?”

I snorted, “Plant daddy? That’s one I haven’t heard before.” 

Kat snickered before taking another sip of water. 

“No, actually I need to go to the pet store…hey, do you know anything about cats?”

Her brow furrowed, “Is this some kind of weird joke that I’m about to walk into?”

I chuckled, “No, I’m serious. I’m talking about the feline kind. I’ve had this stray show up at my house and he won’t fucking leave. Somehow that’s turned into him becoming a roommate. I’m having issues finding food he’ll eat though. I also don’t know what sort of cat stuff I need if I bring him inside like he seems to want to do.” 

She chuckled, a mischievous glint in her eye as she said, “So, you’re a cat daddy now, too?”

I shrugged with a smirk, “Yeah, I guess I’m trying to be.” 

She had a look on her face that I couldn’t decipher before breaking into a smile. 

“Yeah, I had cats growing up. They can be finicky and dramatic when it comes to food.”

I nodded, “Yeah, I’ve picked up on that...What should I do? Can you give me a list of stuff I need to get? I’ve never had a pet, so I have no idea where to start.” 

Her face softened, “You’re going to the pet store after you leave here?”

I nodded, curious what her tone meant. She paused before answering, seeming somewhat hesitant at first, “I could go with you if you want?”

I felt one side of my lips tug upward, “That would be amazing, actually.” 

Kat was true to her word. Once we finished rehearsal, she followed me to the pet store. Parking in the space next to mine and smiling as she exited her car. As she walked toward me, I realized it made me feel strangely giddy to be doing something like this with her. 

She hooked her arm with mine as we walked toward the entrance. I could feel warmth spreading in my chest at her casual touches. I had to fight the smile tugging at my lips.

“So, what is your fur child actually eating?” She asked. 

I grimaced, “Well, up until like a week or so ago, I assume whatever he could catch and kill. Honestly, he smells like something out of that Pet Semetary movie…which reminds me…have you ever given a cat a bath?” 

It was her turn to grimace, “Are you insane? Cats usually don’t like water. There are professionals that will do that for you, ya know?” 

I shook my head, “This kid is not used to people. I fear he wouldn’t be able to handle a grooming salon. At least not yet…”

She sighed, giving me a serious wide-eyed stare, “Fine, I’ll help you give the cat a bath…but if I die…I’m haunting your ass.” 

I belly laughed at her response as we entered the store, which seemed to draw some eyes toward us. I dropped my head and moved toward the first aisle as Kat got a shopping cart. 

“A cart, huh? How much of my money are you about to spend?”  

She chuckled, “Hey, I’m just making recommendations. You do what you will with them.” 

She pointed things out as we moved down the aisles, some of it just for fun, some of it was needed. I ended up splurging on a couple of robotic litter boxes and cat cave beds, bathing supplies, toys, a ridiculously massive cat tree, and a collar all before getting to the food. She was relentless with her teasing about my need to buy the most expensive thing on the shelf. I loved it when she teased me like this. It caused her eyes to light up in a way that made my heart race.

Once we got to the food aisle, she again asked what the cat was currently eating. 

“The only thing I’ve been successful with so far is Tuna. I’ve gotten several different kinds of cat food, and he just turns his nose up to them.” 

She stood staring down the aisle with too many options, scrunching up her nose before speaking again. “OK, so he likes fishy stuff. Have you tried dry food or wet food?”

She is too fucking adorable when she makes that face. My brows arched at her, “Both.” 

Her lips set into a line, “Did you try salmon flavored?”

I scoffed, “I’m pretty sure I tried every flavor they have. They were all a no.” 

Her brow furrowed as she looked up and down the aisle, thinking. Her eyes finally settled on a freezer at the far end, “Maybe he would prefer something a little fresher since he’s a hunter?”

My eyes widened, “I hope you don’t mean like…live rats or something. I’m not doing that.” 

She snorted, “Noooo. Ugh, no. I would never suggest that. I meant raw food.”

My eyes widened, “Ohhh. I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe…I’m willing to give it a try.” 

We made our way down to the freezer and she picked out a raw salmon food. It was small scoopable frozen nuggets full of organic ingredients. It honestly sounded better than the other stuff I had bought. At least I could pronounce everything on the label. I felt confident this might do the trick. It figures I would end up with a cat that had a taste for the fancy stuff. 

As we walked down the last couple of aisles, I circled back to the bath conversation, “Sooo, were you serious about helping give the Little Dude a bath?”

She nodded with a smirk, “Yes, I meant every word I said.” 

I chuckled, “You wanna come over tomorrow evening for that? I can get everything set up for him tonight. I’ll let him formally move in after he’s bathed.”

She made an annoyed face, “Tomorrow is spray tan day.”

I puffed air out through my cheeks. “I could get some of those long dish washing gloves, then we won’t get wet…and maybe protect us from being clawed to death too.”  

She snorted, “That sounds like a plan.” 

“I’ll make dinner. I have a feeling I’ll owe you by the time this is over...” 

One of her brows ticked upward, “I know I said I would never say no to food, but…you’re gonna cook?”

I placed my hand on my chest, feigning offense. “Excuse me? I happen to be a very good cook. It’s another new hobby I’ve picked up since rehab. My stuff is better than any five star restaurant.” 

The sound of her twinkling laugh filled my ears. “Riiiight. I’ll believe it when I see it,” she said between laughs. 

I rolled my eyes and gave her a playful smile, “Fine. Be prepared to stick your foot in your mouth.” 

Kat chuckled as we approached the checkout counter. We were surprised when the young lady behind the counter nervously asked if she could take a picture with us. We of course agreed and snapped a quick group selfie with the girl. We made small talk with her as she rang up my items. I explained how I had a new visitor show up and Kat was kind enough to show me what all I needed to buy, suddenly worried the girl might get the wrong idea about why we were there together. I had a feeling this would show up on social media at some point.

Kat helped me load everything into the back of my car before giving me a small smile and asking to let her know how the new food goes over with the Little Dude. I thanked her again with a cheesy grin before we both got into our vehicles and headed to our respective homes. 

It was a little after 9PM and I was deep into cat tree assembly when I received a text from Kat asking how dinner went. I pursed my lips as my fingers hovered over the keypad. Instead of typing out a message, I hit the video call button. I almost thought she was going to send me to voicemail, but she finally answered, her eyes wide as they jumped around the screen. It looked like she was lying in bed in a dimly lit room. Her hair fell around her face in damp waves, like maybe she had just showered. She looked beautiful. It took me a few seconds too long to find my voice.

“Hey, sorry, are you in bed?” I finally managed to sputter out. 

She smiled, “I’m in bed, but not sleeping. Just watching trashy TV and doom scrolling. How did the new food go?” 

I smiled at the screen, “Amazing. He devoured it…didn’t even hesitate.” 

She smiled back at me, “Good. Happy to hear it. What is he up to now?” 

I huffed out a laugh, “Laying at the end of the sectional, silently judging me over my struggles to put this damn cat tree together. I swear you have to be a fucking engineer to figure it out.”

I turned on the front camera of my phone to show her the cat, stretched out on his stinky blanket at the end of the couch as he gave me that judgy stare. She laughed loudly. 

“Oooh he’s pretty! He does look very judgy right now though.”

I switched the camera back to me, “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. Why are there so many parts?”

“Hey, you’re the one that had to get the biggest one they had in the store. Deal with the consequences. I told you that you should’ve just asked for the floor model that was already put together.” 

“Ummm, no. I wasn’t about to buy something that’s had a million grubby little hands on it and who knows what else. Dude only gets the best…brand new out of the box.” 

She rolled her eyes at me, “Did you try looking at the instructions? I know that’s hard for guys to do.” 

I scoffed and rattled the paper in front of the camera, “Umm…excuse me? I have been looking at the instructions and they’re garbage. Do you SEE this? It’s literally really bad drawings with no words. I can’t tell the pieces apart. It’s bullshit.”

She let out a loud laugh at my dramatics, covering her mouth with her hand to try and hold it back. I loved seeing her like this. A small part of me wondered what it would be like to lay in bed with her, laughing at trashy TV shows while we were wrapped up in each other under the covers. I shook my head slightly to clear that thought. 

“Is this your way of asking me to help you, without actually asking…out of fear of further judgment?”

I furrowed my brows and snorted, “I’m not afraid to ask. Judge me, I don’t care. I have no shame…but if you’re offering…” 

“Send me a picture of the instructions. I’ll hold your hand through it.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Oh yeah, thanks. You had to go and say it like that.” 

I did send her the instructions and we spent the next hour and a half on facetime putting the cat tree together. She had my full attention every time she would pull up the drawings to look at them. Her face would scrunch up in the most adorable way as she tried to figure out the next steps. The only thing that could have made the day more perfect is if she had been here with me in person. 

Once the tree was put together, we said goodnight. I noticed Kat lingered on the call for a moment before finally ending it. It caused my stomach to flip. I wished I knew what she was thinking. Is she feeling this too? Or am I just being delusional? 

After getting Dude settled in the garage for the evening, I finally crawled into bed. I laid there thinking about what I should cook for dinner. I didn’t want to do anything too over the top, but I did want to impress her. Then I moved on to picturing her in my house, in my space. Us in my space together. It was almost overwhelming. Realizing how badly I wanted that almost scared me. 

Sunday rehearsals flew by. We did the last of our fine tuning to the routine, running through it several times with the music track. We nailed it each time. The flirty aspect of the dance seemed to come to us easily now. There was no longer any lingering awkwardness between us. We were both comfortable and trusting of each other and having fun. 

We ended up leaving rehearsals a little early to get over to Television City Studios for the cast spray tanning session. We were hoping to get finished quicker by getting there before everyone else. I also felt like Kat was trying to avoid Alec too, which gave me a surge of excitement. It gave me hope that she was possibly thinking about ending things with him for good. 

After heading to our respective dressing rooms to get changed into our robes, we found each other again outside the large room used for the spray tan setup. To our surprise they were able to get us in quickly. Kat went in first, then they called me in several minutes later. After I was finished, I wandered back to my dressing room and changed into my gym shorts. I took a minute to dig around in my duffel bag for a t-shirt that I didn’t care for in case the spray tan rubbed off on it. There was no sense in ruining all of my shirts for this shit. 

There was a quiet knock on the door, I moved to unlock and open it, assuming it was Kat. She stood there, eyes racking over me with a smirk on her face. I gave her a quick smile as I turned my attention back to my bag, “I’m almost ready…just trying to find a shirt that I don’t care to mess up.”

She came in and leaned against the countertop of the vanity, “No problem, take your time.” She sounded amused. I glanced up at her, she had her arms crossed over her chest as she watched me with one brow raised. “Is something funny?” I asked. 

“Every time I come in here, you're half naked.” 

I found the shirt I was looking for and pulled it out, standing to my full height to face her, “If that’s the case, why do you keep coming in here then?”

Her face reddened, “Touché. You got me there.” 

I laughed, “Yeah, see how that works? I mean…it’s a dressing room. There’s bound to be various stages of undress happening. Don’t act so shocked. At least I have pants on this time.” 

She rolled her eyes before looking away. I moved to put my shirt on, purposely taking my time to pull it down over my head. Just as I yanked it down over my face, I caught her eyes shifting away from me. She was definitely checking me out. I could see it in the flush of her cheeks. Well, that's interesting. Maybe she was feeling the spark between us just as much as I am. It doesn’t matter, Bravo. She’s technically still taken. 

I turned to pile all of my junk back into my bag, pretending I hadn’t noticed her staring. She finally broke the silence, “So, what are you making me for dinner? I need to start preparing myself now if I’m to survive it.” 

I scoffed, “Come on. Give me some credit. You should know by now that I excel in all my extracurricular activities.”

Her eyes widened briefly, a small smirk playing on her lips, “I won’t believe it until I have firsthand experience as proof.”

Are we still talking about cooking? I felt like this conversation had a double meaning. I gave her a cocky grin, “Then prepare yourself for the most…pleasurable…food experience of your life.” 

She snorted out a laugh as she moved toward the door, “Right. We’ll see.” I grabbed my bag and followed behind her. Within minutes, I was in my car, driving toward my house with Kat following behind me. I tried not to think of what the evening held, but I knew I needed to behave myself. I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn’t cross any lines with her, no matter how badly I now realized I wanted to. 

A short time later, I was keying into my front door with Kat standing close behind me, taking in her surroundings. I was suddenly nervous for her to see my home. It made me feel naked in a different kind of way that I wasn’t prepared for. She would be seeing pieces of me that no one outside of my very small inner circle had. I would be opening myself up to her in a very raw and unfiltered way and I worried she wouldn’t like what she found.  

We were both quiet as she entered the living room. There was a small smile playing on her lips as she slowly walked around the space, running her hands over things as she went. Stopping to look at books and little knick-knacks I had sitting around from my travels. My stomach quickly rose to my throat when she focused on the paintings hanging on the walls. There were several duotone abstract pieces I had painted throughout my early days of recovery - visual representations of where I was emotionally at the time I painted them. I had hung them to remind myself of my progress. She spent a lot more time looking at these than anything else, raising her hand to touch the one closest to her.

“These are amazing,” she said quietly, almost to herself.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I watched her fingers drop down to the rounded DB initials in the bottom right corner. Her eyes suddenly widening as realization set in. She turned to me, her face now lit up in a way I had never seen. Her eyes were sparkling with wonder as she peered up at me. “Dieter…d-did you paint these?”

I nodded shyly. I couldn’t speak, afraid that my emotions would reveal themselves to her. It meant more to me than I expected that she liked them. Now realizing that her opinion was the only one that ever really mattered to me. 

She smiled, “Well…I guess you do seem to excel in your extracurriculars. I can’t wait to see what else you have up your sleeve.” 

I smirked at her, swiping my thumb across my lip before speaking. “Hmm, well…I’ll have your mouth watering within the hour. You wanna help me get started?”

One of her brows twitched upward, “I’d be happy to.” 

I led her to the kitchen and began pulling ingredients out of the refrigerator and pantry. She stood nearby, taking everything in. 

“I’m actually a little jealous of your kitchen. This is nice and so are all your gadgets.” 

I chuckled, “I do spend a lot of time in here. A fancy kitchen was one of my requirements when I moved.” 

She nodded, then pointed at the speaker on the counter. “Do you usually play music while you cook?” 

“Yeah, you wanna turn something on?”

“Sure, it’s almost too quiet in here. I like a little background noise.” 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up the music streaming app - hitting play on whatever playlist was already queued up. A soulful blues song started emitting from the speaker. Kat smiled and nodded in approval. I went back to pulling out the rest of the ingredients, piling everything that needed chopping near the cutting board on the island then grabbed two knives from the drawer. 

“Can you handle chopping the veggies? It’ll make this go a lot faster.” 

She nodded, then took one of the knives and got to work chopping the mushrooms that I sat in front of her. We worked side-by-side in silence for a few minutes. My mind wandered to thoughts of how domesticated this felt. I liked it…too much. 

My attention was suddenly drawn back to Kat as her hips started moving to the rhythm of the music. Fuck, that’s distracting. I placed my hand on the small of her back, causing her to pause and look up at me, “You’re gonna chop a finger off moving around like that.” 

The side of her lip tugged upward as she peered at me through her lashes, “Don’t worry…I’m a pro at my extracurriculars too. I can do a lotta things with my hands while my hips are moving.” 

I sucked in a sharp breath at her words, my mind started running through all the possibilities behind them and none of it was wholesome. I finally managed to choke out a laugh, before going back to chopping the celery I had started on. Kat continued moving to the music beside me, humming along with the chorus. Fucking hell, I’m gonna chop my own finger off if I don’t watch it. The next song started playing. I was too distracted by Kat’s rolling hips and my thoughts that I didn’t realize what it was until the chorus hit. 

Fuck me like you mean it / Make me believe it / Walk the wire, it's alright / Love me like you need it / 'Cause I can feel it / Take it higher, show me why

The knife in my hand clattered down onto the cutting board, I was slightly mortified.

Kat’s movements paused, “Well, I didn’t see that coming…that's a little dirty...” She snickered.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what song this was…. I’ll change it.”

Kat placed her hand on my forearm as I turned to grab my phone, “No, I actually kind of like his sound. Leave it.” 

Her hip movements continued as I switched to chopping the carrots and her the tomatoes. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take. I stood there willing my dick not to get hard. Luckily, I got through the carrots quickly, and took the opportunity to turn my back to her. Moving on to peel and cut an onion under the cold water from the faucet. Which is probably just as well, because another song by the same artist came on that was sending my mind straight to the gutter. It felt like a playlist straight from my debauched thoughts. 

Hypnotic lover taking over my mind / Your spell is binding, makes it so hard to fight / She twists her hips and keeps it coming all night / I can't control myself, that girl is so fine

Thankfully we finished with all the vegetable cutting soon after that. I moved on to preparing the pork and getting the frying pan and oil up to temperature. I was happy to have something that required my focus. Kat appeared, leaning against the counter next to the stove, watching me intently. 

“So, are you ever gonna tell me what you’re cooking?”

I smirked, “Pork cacciatore.” 

She gave me a deadpan stare, “You do know I’m a vegetarian, right?” 

I was briefly hit with a streak of panic, before I realized she was messing with me. She had eaten a steak burrito in front of me, twice. I let out a dramatic sigh then smiled, “I guess I’ll be eating alone then. Oh well, more for me.” 

She laughed as she playfully smacked my shoulder. I moved in front of her, placing my hand on her hip to scoot her out of the way as I reached above her head to get into the cabinet that housed all the spices. I muttered a quiet “excuse me” as I glanced down at her eyes that were looking up at me through her lashes. She didn’t really move. Instead, she stayed pinned between me and the counter. I could hear the faint sound of her breath hitching at my proximity. I smirked, then turned my attention back to the cabinet, pulling out the dried rosemary, oregano, and basil before finally removing my hand from her hip and stepping back to the stove. I could feel her eyes on me the entire time. 

As I started mixing in all the ingredients to simmer, she leaned down on her elbows and inhaled deeply, “Mmm…you were right. My mouth is watering. This smells amazing.”

I gave her a cocky smile, “I told you….and it tastes better than it smells. It’s like an orgasm for your taste buds.” 

Shit. I probably shouldn’t have said that. My mouth got ahead of my brain. Her tinkling laugh filled my ears, “That’s a lot of confidence you’ve got in your cooking skills, Bravo.”

I shrugged, “I promised you a pleasurable experience. I’m just delivering on my word.” 

Fucking hell, I’m being ridiculous and getting out of line. Reel it in, Bravo! 

She didn’t seem phased by my comments, if anything it felt like she was enjoying the banter. 

We soon sat down at the dinner table, which I couldn’t recall ever actually sitting at to eat. Kat proceeded to moan through several bites and gush about how delicious it was. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. It made me feel almost giddy that she enjoyed it. Our conversation flowed easily, as we talked about different things. Getting to know each other a little more and slowly chipping away at that imaginary wall that separated us. 

“I’m just gonna start coming over here for dinner every night. My cooking can’t compete with this,” she finally said with a joking tone as she scooped that last bite off her plate. 

I gave her a toothy grin, “I’ll cook for you anytime you want me to.”

She laughed, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

I laughed it off, but she had no idea how fucking serious I was. I would cook for her every night of forever if she’d let me. 

After several minutes of Kat fussing over helping with the dishes, I finally convinced her to let it be. I had a housekeeper that would take care of it in the morning, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal. We decided to take our chances by giving the Little Dude a bath after that. I led her out to the garage which was still a mess with boxes, but Dude didn’t seem to mind it. He had turned it into his own personal playground. 

I had set up everything we would need for a bath next to the utility sink so we could get right to it. Kat grabbed one of the towels and laid it out on the counter and got the brushes ready, saying we should brush out all the mats first. As she was explaining the steps we should take, Little Dude decided to make his presence known. He came strutting out from somewhere in his box fort to meow out me. He then proceeded to rub up against Kat’s legs. She giggled at him, bending down to pick him up.

“Ooof, he is rank,” she said through a chuckle. 

“I told you. I swear he rolled in something dead.” 

She grimaced, moving him away from her body to sit him on the counter. 

“He’s really pretty though. He seems young. Have you taken him to the vet yet?”

“Not yet. I’m working up to it. I didn’t wanna stress him out too much all at once…though…he seems strangely fine with everything. He’s the one that wants to move in,” I said - laughing quietly to myself over the absurdity of it. 

Kat began to look him over, “He has some pretty bad mats under his arms, we may have to cut those. Do you have scissors? They aren’t too close to the skin, so I think I can cut them easily enough.” 

“Uhh, yeah. I have a whole clipper kit with scissors. I’ll go get it.”

I ran to get the kit and was back within minutes to find Little Dude sprawled out on his back while Kat brushed at the hair on his stomach. He seemed to love the attention. I stood next to Kat, keeping him distracted with pets while she worked. She ended up cutting a lot of the mats out just to save time. After several minutes had passed, she turned to me, a concerned look on her face. 

“What? Is something wrong?” I asked. 

“I would say so. We have a major problem here.” 

My stomach was suddenly in my throat. My mind now conjuring up the worst things, “What is it?” 

She fought to hold back a laugh, “Dude is not a dude.” 

My brow furrowed, “What do you mean?”

She snorted, “There is no twig and berries down there. Dude is a Dudette.” 

“Seriously? You’re joking?” 

“Nope. Did you even check?” 

“Do you see how much hair she has? I was just guessing. I couldn’t tell. It makes sense why she wouldn’t leave though…chics do love me.” 

Kat snorted again, “Staaap. You’re so ridiculous.” 

I chuckled, “At least now I know why I was getting the judgy looks.” 

“Well, now you need to give her a proper name. Something cute…that is not Dudette.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll have to think about it. Damn.” 

After a brief pause to laugh about our discovery. We continued. Luckily the cat’s top half wasn’t as bad, so Kat made quick work of it. Then we took a minute to prepare ourselves for the chaos of the bath. Strategizing on the best way to handle it if she freaked out. It turns out, we didn’t even need to do that. The cat apparently loved water, which blew our minds. She sat still, enjoying the massage we gave her as we worked the shampoo into her fur. She nearly fell asleep as I used the spray head to rinse her, occasionally pointing the stream in Kat’s direction just to be obnoxious. After reminding me that we had just gotten a spray tan, I stopped. She said I wouldn’t be able to endure her wrath if I made her streaky. 

Once we got the Little Dudette clean and dry, I picked her up and brought her inside. I took a minute to show her where the litter boxes were, her beds, and her new cat tree. I sat her at the top of the cat tree, and she immediately began exploring it. Kat and I watched her for a few minutes, before Kat looked around the room.

“Hmmm…the plants could be an issue. I know some are poisonous to cats.”  

My eyes widened. I hadn’t even thought about that. Damn I already suck at this cat dad stuff.

Kat pulled out her phone and found a list of toxic plants and let me look over it. I sucked air through my teeth, then moved to pick up the Aloe plant sitting on the end table, “Sorry Barb. Looks like you’re gonna be banished to the art studio.”  I handed it to Kat, “Please hold Barb for a moment.” 

She started laughing at me. I turned to grab the Cutleaf Philodendron that was sitting in the dining room. “You’re out too, Cutlet,” I said as I picked up the medium sized tropical plant. 

“Follow me. We’ll put these away in another room.” 

As we made our way through the house, I grabbed another Aloe plant that was sitting on a bookshelf. “Sorry, you’re out too, Spike.” 

I could hear Kat snickering behind me as we ascended the stairs. Once we reached the door to my studio, I juggled the plants in my arms to turn the knob. I suddenly felt nervous for Kat to be in the space, but tried not to dwell on it as I pushed the door open with my foot. She followed me inside and set Barb down on the window sill next to Spike. I set Cutlet down on the desk. I’d have to find a spot for him later. 

I could tell Kat wanted to explore the room, but she held back, shyly looking down at the ground instead. I was sure she could sense this was an extremely personal space for me and didn’t want to intrude.  

“You can look around if you want.” I finally mustered up the courage to say. I trusted her enough to share this side of myself. Not many people got to see it. 

Her eyes lit up with excitement, “Are you sure? I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” 

I nodded and gave her a small smile. Standing back to watch as she walked around the room looking at the various paintings leaned against the walls. Her eyes roamed over every surface, pausing to spend extra time on the sketches spread out on the tables and desk. 

I hadn’t spent any time in this room since rehearsals started. I hadn’t had the time, and when I did, I was too tired. However, I suddenly had that nagging need to. There were images swirling in my head that I needed to get out onto a canvas. I was shocked to find they were colorful shades of purple and blue with hints of magenta. There was no black in sight. I knew the cause of the shift, it was Kat. She was my new muse. Replacing the self-hatred and unhappiness with her light. I wanted to paint her dancing with the fire in her eyes. I wanted to sketch all of my favorite parts of her - her lips, her eyes, the curve of her hips. 

Seeing her in my home and how easily she could fit into my life was making me want things I never thought I would. I wanted her to be part of everything. My other half. I wanted to share my existence with her. Then reality set in. She still belongs to someone else, Bravo. Stop thinking like this. 

I shook my head to clear it as she looked my way with a smile. I tried to return it, but it didn’t reach my eyes. She walked toward me, “Dieter, all of this is amazing. I-I don’t have any words. You’re so talented.” 

My brow furrowed, I was suddenly feeling emotional. I murmured a quiet “thanks” to her as she turned to look around the room one last time before turning back to me, “Would you paint something…for me? I would love to have one.” 

I gave her a genuine smile now, “Of course. I think I already have an idea for something.” 

Our gazes locked for a moment, something unsaid lingering between us, but it passed. I motioned toward the door, “Well, would you like a tour of the rest of the place? I have a feeling you might enjoy my other sanctuary.”

She gave me a quizzical look, “Lead the way. You have me intrigued now.” 

I snickered as we walked into the hallway and closed the door behind us. I led Kat down the hall to the room where I did everything else - music, reading, writing. It really was my other sanctuary. It was a large open room with glass doors that opened to the balcony overlooking the ocean. The espresso colored hardwood was covered by a deep navy and maroon Persian area rug. Floor to ceiling shelves lined one cream colored wall, full of books and scripts. Two leather chairs sat in one corner with two acoustic guitars perched on stands between them. Several other guitars hung on the wall nearby. Another wall of shelves housed my record collection. The old record player stood next to it, connected to vintage floor speakers. An espresso colored wicker hanging chair with a white cushion hung from the ceiling in the corner near the record player. An extra large white furry beanbag sat nearby, with a few deep yellow throw pillows on it. There were plants everywhere - large potted ones sitting on the floor, vines hanging from the ceiling, small succulents scattered throughout the shelves. A small writing desk sat against the wall next to the balcony doors. The few open spaces on the wall were home to more of my paintings. The center of the room was completely open. Aside from my studio, it was my favorite place to be. 

When I opened the door and motioned for Kat to enter, her face shifted. A hint of a smile ghosted her lips as her eyes rounded and sparkled. She stood in the center of the room turning in a slow circle, taking in the space. 

“Dieter…you’re right. I love this. Everything about it is perfect.” 

She walked over to one of the paintings, an abstract sunset of black, deep blue, red, and yellow. It was a more recent one, not as dark as the ones downstairs. Her fingers grazed over the DB scrawled in the bottom corner. One side of her lip turned upward once she realized it was another one of my paintings. She turned, moving back toward the center of the room and spun around with her arms out.

“This room is huge…big enough we could rehearse in here.”

My teeth sunk into my bottom lip, biting back a smile. I loved that the thought had crossed her mind. That she wanted to be in this space with me. 

“We could. There’s a lot of open space. I left it like that so I could come in here and paint if I wanted. Depending on the time of day, the lighting can be better here than in the studio. Plus, I can open the doors and hear the ocean. It’s soothing.” 

She nodded, a pensive look on her face as she continued looking around the room. 

“I take it you probably didn’t expect all this, huh?” 

She shook her head as her brows pinched together, “No, honestly. I’m not sure what I expected, but strangely enough, I’m not surprised. I know you're not shallow and emotionless like the tabloids often make you out to be.” 

She was standing in front of me now, her eyes roaming my face. “I see you, Dieter. I know you feel things deeply…even if you don’t always admit to it. So, it doesn’t surprise me that this is how you spend your time. Us tortured souls have to get the feelings out somehow.”

I couldn’t breathe. The way she was looking at me literally took my breath away. I knew without a doubt that she meant what she said. She did understand me better than anyone ever had because we were the same in a lot of ways, but complete opposites in others. We balanced each other out and fit together in a way that filled in each other's gaps to make a whole. We were meant to find each other, I could feel it in my bones. If only she could see that and finally get rid of the disease in her life that was Alec. 

Kat’s face turned almost wistful as she stared at me for a beat. Finally turning away and moving toward the leather chairs in the corner and sitting down. She turned, eyeing the acoustic guitars sitting next to her. 

She pointed, “Are these for decoration or do you actually play?”

I shrugged, “I guess you can call it that…I had to learn for a role many years ago. It kind of stayed with me after that.” 

She raised a brow in my direction as her hand slid around the neck of the nearest instrument, “Do you mind…” she asked, pausing for my response. 

Curious where this was going, I shook my head. “No, I don’t. Have at it.” 

The way she handled it told me this was something she was familiar with. I could hear the blood pumping in my ears from excitement at the thought that she might play something. I shuffled over to sit in the seat next to her and picked up the other instrument as her fingers slid over the strings, like she was getting a feel for it. I bit back the anxious feeling that was forming in my chest and started plucking at the strings on the guitar I had just picked up. Playing chords for the first song that came to mind. 

Kat watched me for a moment. Her eyes narrowed at my hands, “I know this song…” 

I smiled up at her as she hummed along for a few seconds, trying to place it. She surprised me when she started to sing along.

She's the place I go / When there's nowhere left to run to / She's the one I hold / When there's no one to hold on to

I was awed by her. Her voice was amazing - soulful, velvety, and pure. She was so fucking beautiful it hurt. The moment caused something to swell inside of me, making me emotional. I had to take a deep breath to fight it back as I watched her place her fingers on the frets and start strumming along with me. She continued singing the chorus. Without thinking, I joined in, which elicited a brilliant smile from her. 

She's been with me late at night / When I was drowning in the dark / She heard my every word / When I was pouring out my heart / So I thank my lucky stars / For every crack, scratch, and scar on this guitar

Our voices harmonized together perfectly, causing goosebumps to break out across my body. I suddenly felt connected to her in a way that I hadn’t before. I picked up the next verse as she continued playing with me.

She's given me her best / When I am at my worst / When I can't find the pieces / Fingers scratching in the dirt / She offers no forgiveness / 'Cause she likes to make it hurt

Her eyes stayed on mine. I could see the fire blazing in them again. I couldn’t help smiling as the words passed through my lips. She returned it as she joined back in for the chorus. We finished the reminder of the song with a flourish, breaking into laughter when it was done. 

Once the laughter settled, I finally asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you played? And can sing for that matter?”

She shrugged, “It’s not really something I do a lot of anymore…Not since my dad passed. He taught me to play when I was younger…before things got bad with him. We picked it up again after he was sober.” 

A sad smile formed on her lips, “He had a few friends he would play with on the weekends…pickin' and grinnin' is what they called it. Just a bunch of friends and their families hanging out in someone's backyard, having fun. I learned a lot from them.”

I had a sudden urge to hug her, but then the sparkle from that damn engagement ring on her finger caught my attention for the first time that evening. It was a stark contrast against the black bout of the guitar, silently screaming a reminder that she was still with the asshole. It broke through the delusional thoughts that had started to swirl around in my head the last few minutes.

I cleared my throat, “Well, you’re really good. I didn’t see that coming.”

She gave me a genuine smile now, “You’re not so bad yourself. Still excelling in all areas apparently.” 

I had the sudden need to be away from her. I was feeling overwhelmed by my conflicting feelings. I glanced down at my watch, “Hmm…it’s getting late. We should probably call it a night. I don’t wanna be your excuse for being tired tomorrow.” I let out a nervous laugh. 

She looked at her watch, “Oh damn. Yeah, it is…and I still have a 30 minute drive home.” 

An awkward tension settled in the air as I placed the guitars back on their stands. We walked in silence down the stairs. Kat took a minute to give the kitty some scratches before collecting her purse and phone to leave. I asked her to let me know when she made it home as she leaned in for a side hug. 

“I will…and thanks for dinner. It was amazing.” 

When she pulled away, her hand lingered at my waist. She smiled before finally turning to walk toward her car. I kept an eye on her until she was locked inside and backing out of the driveway. This was getting to be too fucking hard. 

I sighed, walking through the house to turn everything off and lock up for the night. The cat followed behind me every step of the way. Once I got settled in the bed, I felt her jump onto the mattress. She tentatively walked over and climbed up on my chest, purring into my hand as I scratched behind her ears. 

“Maybe you're meant to be the only woman in my life. I should probably accept that and move on.” 

Her eyes drooped under my touch. A quiet meow squeaked out in response.  “I guess I should give you a proper name now, because Dude is not gonna cut it.” 

I thought for a minute. A plant name might be cute, right? “How about poppy? Ehh, no. That might raise some eyebrows given who your dad is. Let’s avoid drug references…”

I laughed to myself. It was so ridiculous that I had to think about stuff like that. 

“Hmm, how about Rosie? Na…that’s too girly. You’re kind of a bad ass critter catcher.”

She meowed loudly, almost like she was agreeing with me. I chuckled. “I’ve got it. Zinnia. Zee for short. That’s cool, right?”

She was asleep now. She could have cared less. “Zee it is. Zee my little warrior queen.” 

I got a text from Kat a few minutes later, letting me know she got home. I sent her a thumbs up emoji then set the phone on its docking station for the night. I somehow managed to drift off to sleep. 

I was woken up about ten minutes before my alarm went off by Zee, making biscuits in the crook of my arm and purring. I couldn’t even be upset about it because it was too fucking cute. This cat was already making me melt and had me wrapped around her paw. I nuzzled my face into her fur, she smelled so much better. It was nice to finally have her properly clean so I could cuddle her without being grossed out. I don’t know why I fought against having her for so long. It felt nice to have another living being in the house with me. 

I finally rolled out of bed and took a quick shower. It was show day, so I couldn’t be dicking around this morning. I threw on clean shorts and a t-shirt, then headed out. I stopped to get our usual cups of coffee before heading to Television City Studios. Kat and I were one of the first groups there, determined to get the rough run through out of the way. 

Kat was already chatting with the band when I walked in and handed her coffee over. We went through the routine a few times to get the camera blocking out of the way and gave feedback on the music. The other couples had started to filter in by the time we were on our last run through. I could see Alec sitting, waiting for his and Lana’s turn. I hadn’t seen him since the incident, so I wasn’t sure what the damage was. His face was pretty bruised up around the nose and under the eyes. I had to hold back the satisfied smile that was tugging at my lips as we walked by him. 

Kat did take a minute to add some makeup to my knuckles. They were still a little bruised. We didn’t want the cast to see it if we could help it. After she finished, we headed into hair and makeup to get slathered in more makeup and hair gel. 

Kat and I were seated next to each other again. We chatted with each other while they worked on us. I told her what I decided to name the cat. She laughed at first but wasn’t at all surprised that it was the name of a plant. She finally relented, admitting that it was cute and giving her seal of approval.

About 30 minutes after sitting down in the makeup chair, Anika approached me. She had a shy, but flirty smile on her face as she leaned against the vanity in front of my seat and purred out a “good morning.”

I smiled at her awkwardly, unsure of what was happening. Anika glanced toward Kat, then turned so that her back was toward her. 

“What are you doing after the show tonight?” she finally asked. 

I shrugged, “I don’t know yet. I suppose it depends on how tired I am.”

She laughed like I had just told the most hilarious joke. I now realized what was happening. Fucking hell. Please don’t do it. 

Her hand rested on my knee, “How about we go out for drinks after? Maybe we can hang out for a bit.” She gave a suggestive squeeze with her fingers as she spoke. 

I could tell from my reflection that I had the deer in headlights look. My brain completely shut down. I was not interested in the least. “Umm, I dunno. I really need to get home…and feed my cat.” 

“Oh, come on, just one drink. You can do that after.”

It was Kat who responded with an agitated tone, “You do realize he’s sober, right?”

Anika looked surprised, then laughed nervously. “Well in that case, you can just watch me drink. You don’t have to have anything with alcohol.”

I sat there with my mouth agape, not really sure how to respond to that. I couldn’t stop anyone from drinking around me, but damn. If she was trying to win me over, that was not the way to do it. 

“Are you a fucking idiot? He’s sober. He doesn’t wanna be around alcohol.” Kat was having none of this from her. 

Anika huffed, “I don’t think I asked you, Katarina. Mind your business. Shouldn’t you be worried about what your own man is up to?” 

I realized the ladies that had been doing our hair and makeup had stepped back. Kat looked like she was about to come up out of her seat after this girl. I cleared my throat, “Ummm thanks for the offer, Anika…but I think I’ll pass. Maybe another time?” I said nervously.

She gave me a disappointed look before flipping Kat off and walking out of the room. 

Kat puffed air out of her cheeks, “Ugh, I fucking hate that girl.”

The ladies who were working on us snickered before continuing with their task. 

I glanced over at Kat, “Thank you for that. I wasn’t really sure how to handle it.”

“Well, you better figure it out, because I’m sure she’s not done asking. Unless you wanna go out with her, of course.” Her tone was very clipped, and I wasn’t sure why. It surprised me. Did I do something wrong?

Kat was quieter after that, seemingly lost in her thoughts. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. It was making me feel off. I was happy when hair and makeup had finished with me. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I made a beeline for my dressing room to get changed into my costume. I didn’t hear from Kat for a while, assuming they had dress rehearsals for the group performances.

While I waited, I texted my assistant and asked him to bring me some brunch to pass the time. It was a little early for lunch, but I was already starving. A few minutes after he dropped off the food, I got a text from Kat, asking where I was. 

Me: In my dressing room. I have 🌯🌯🌯. (three burrito emojis) 

It wasn’t even a full minute before there was a knock on the door.

“Come in.” I managed to garble out through a mouth full of steak goodness. Kat pushed the door open, standing there with a disapproving look and her hands on her hips. 

“You're hiding away to eat burritos? Really?”

My ability to speak left me as soon as I laid eyes on her. The only response I could muster was to hold out the extra burrito I had gotten for her. She looked fucking amazing in her costume. The hem was asymmetrical, showing off her toned legs. The shorter side revealed her entire right thigh. The front was lower cut than I had expected, showing the curve of her breast. From the sketches, I knew the back was non-existent. There was only enough of the fringy fabric to cover her ass. They had left her chestnut hair half down this time. The front of it was pinned back leaving the soft curls cascading down around her bare shoulders. The red shade of the dress, if you could even call it that, looked amazing against her golden skin and made her red lips pop. All of the exposed flesh definitely had little Bravo’s attention. It took everything in me to refocus my thoughts and get him under control. 

She raised a questioning brow at me, a smirk forming on her lips as she took the burrito, “You OK, Bravo?”

I nodded as I swallowed down the food I had been chewing even though I wasn’t ready, nearly getting choked in the process. I coughed uncontrollably for a moment, then reached for my drink. I ended up dropping burrito juices on the robe I had put on over my costume. 

Kat laughed, “Good thing you put the robe on. I wouldn’t want to explain that mess to the costumers or producers.”

After taking a long drink through the straw, I managed to get myself together enough to respond, “No kidding. I have an extra one hanging over there if you wanna use it while you eat. I know these are messy.” 

“Why yes, I think I will. Thank you.”

Whatever had been bothering her earlier seemed to have passed. She was back to her normal smiley self as we rushed through our meal. It helped me feel a little more at ease and out of my head. Once I was finished with my burrito, I pulled the robe off, checking to make sure I hadn’t gotten anything on the costume. I turned to ask Kat if she saw any evidence left behind. I didn’t miss how her eyes looked me up and down before focusing on my shirt. 

I couldn’t help teasing her, “You see something you like, Kit Kat?” 

She narrowed her eyes at me, “I was just getting a look at your costume. I hadn’t seen it on you yet.”

I stood back, pulled the blazer open, and did a little spin for her, “You like?”

“Oddly enough…yes. The 70’s vibe suits you. I can’t believe you have it buttoned all the way up though. I was beginning to think you had a button allergy.” 

I gave her a cocky grin, “If you wanna see a little more skin, just ask honey. I guess I probably should show a little more, in solidarity with you.” 

She rolled her eyes before taking her last bite. I turned to the mirror and undid the top few buttons. I could see her watching me in the reflection, shaking her head with a smirk on her face. A few minutes later, we headed toward the ballroom for our final dress rehearsal. As we stood on the outer perimeter of the dance floor, Alec and Lana came to stand behind us to wait their turn. Kat seemed to be ignoring them, which was surprising. I couldn’t help glancing over at Alec. My mouth seemed to have a mind of its own as I took in his appearance.

“It looks like hair and makeup did a knockout job on you today, Alec. Can’t even tell that your face is fucked up.” 

Kat snorted next to me, covering her mouth with her hand to hold back the laugh. I was surprised to see that Lana also had a hint of a smile on her lips. 

Alec sneered, “Don’t get too excited, Bravo. You didn’t hit me that hard…nothing is broken.”

I gave him a toothy smile, “Nothing but your pride, right?” 

“Fuck you, Bravo.” 

Kat turned to me, placing her hand on my chest, “That’s enough, you two. Shut up or I’ll throat punch both of you.” 

I was still smiling when I muttered a quick “sorry” her way. 

She gave me a playful wink that Alec couldn’t see before looping her arm with mine, forcing me to turn away from him. We were called to go through our routine soon after that. We nailed it the first time through. The lightning, music, and camera angles fell into place perfectly for us. We went through it two more times just to be sure. 

I don’t really know what came over me, I assumed it was because Alec was glaring at me the entire time, but I made sure to turn the flirtiness of our routine up a few notches. Kat didn’t seem to mind, meeting me where I was. Not that it was all an act. The way the fringy dress accentuated her hip movements really did almost have me on my knees. The woman’s body moved in ways that my brain could not handle. 

I have to admit, I was getting a small thrill out of knowing Alec was seeing how good Kat and I were together. I didn’t want to make things harder on her, but he really did need to be put in his place. He needed to know that Kat was desirable. 

I could feel the static crackling in the air between me and Kat as we walked off the dance floor, hand in hand. She had that look in her eyes again while we waited for final feedback. We were given the all clear to head to our final fitting after that. Kat kept hold of my hand the entire time. Only dropping it as soon as we ran into Stacia and Joe in the hallway. We moved to walk around them, but Stacia stopped us. I noticed she looked both of us over before she spoke to Kat, “Care to share what happened to Alec’s face?”

Kat’s eyes widened slightly, “What did Alec say happened to his face?” 

Stacia’s eyes narrowed, “He didn’t…just said he’s clumsy.” 

I worked to keep my face neutral, but I really wanted to laugh at the absurdity of everything.

Kat gave her a tight lipped smile, “Well, I won’t argue with that. He is clumsy.” 

“So, you’re not gonna spill the details?” Stacia prodded. 

“I’m afraid I don’t know the details. He was fine the last time I saw him…so I can’t help you there.”

I could tell by the way Stacia was looking at Kat that she didn’t believe her. It was almost like they were having some sort of standoff now, eyes locked in an intense gaze. Stacia’s eyes finally shifted over to me, her head tilting slightly. “How about you, Dieter? Do you know what happened to his face?”

I shrugged, “What makes you think I would know anything? I hardly see the guy.” 

Stacia studied my face for a moment, almost like she was trying to read if I was lying. Her lips eventually turned upward into a smirk, “Well, good luck you two. Your dress rehearsal looked perfect. You’ve really turned up the heat this week. I’m sure the viewers are gonna love it.” 

Joe stood by smiling like the Cheshire Cat through this entire interaction. Only mumbling a quiet “Good luck” as they walked away. Kat and I gave each other wide-eyed looks as we turned to head toward the wardrobe department for our final fitting. Once the fitting was done, we stopped in for hair and makeup touch ups. Kat had to go change for the opening performance while I went to the staging area to wait. 

Since I skipped out on watching the group dress rehearsals, this was my first time seeing it. I remembered Stacia saying that they were going to put more attention on Kat, but I didn’t realize how much. She was the performance. Everyone else might as well have been background dancers. She worked the room and the cameras like no other and had the audience going crazy. She was magnetic and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. 

I lost interest once she was off the dance floor, opting to scroll through social media on my phone instead. I went down a rabbit hole of hashtags for the show, curious what people were saying. Kat was indeed a hot topic, and it was mostly positive. They fucking loved her and that made me happier than it probably should have. I definitely felt like Stacia was getting a heavy dose of karma after insinuating that Kat wasn’t that good in the beginning. 

I eventually came across a Dieter and Kat hashtag. I thought twice about clicking it but did so anyway. There were apparently a lot of shippers for us out there. It now made more sense why Stacia and Joe were pushing that narrative. I was honestly surprised at the support for it. Usually, my fans flipped the fuck out anytime I was linked to any sort of serious romantic partner, but they seemed ok with this. I saw Kat coming in my periphery, so I hit the hashtag ‘follow’ button then locked my phone just as she made it over to me.

We were buzzing with anticipation as we awaited our turn. Kat hooked up her earbuds to her phone, “You ready for some hype music?” 

I nodded, “What’s it gonna be today? Eye of the Tiger?” 

She chuckled, “Oh no. I only pull out the big guns when it’s serious.”

She handed me one bud and my ear was immediately filled with the familiar guitar riffs of Walk this Way by Aerosmith and Run DMC. “Yaaaaaas! I approve!” I said with a wide grin. She laughed, bobbing her head to the beat while my fingers played the chords on my air guitar. It was exactly what we needed to get hyped up. 

Before we knew it, it was our turn. I was strangely calm as we stepped out onto the dance floor and took our places. Kat’s confidence and sparkling eyes seemed to keep me grounded in the moment as the spotlight dropped down on her. I stood off to the side in the darkness, waiting until it was time to join her. She opened with the flirty strut and hip shaking thing she does so effortlessly before I came into the light, playing the lovesick puppy matching her every move while she shimmed and gyrated around me. There were a couple of instances where there was no space between us as our bodies moved as one to the beat. Kat’s cheek rested against mine, our fronts pressed together, our bodies twisting downward before popping back up for me to dip her backwards. She pushed me away dramatically before we transitioned into a lock step sequence followed by cross over breaks and a chase with full turns. We ended with a flourish as I spun Kat around and dipped her backward again, this time pulling her leg upward into our ending pose. 

When the lights dimmed, I pulled Kat upward and hugged her against me as she bounced up and down. Her arms wrapped around my neck as her cheek pressed firmly against mine. “I swear, that was fucking perfect. We killed it,” she said loud enough for me to hear it. I could feel her hot breath against my ear as she spoke. I couldn’t help burying my face in her neck for a brief moment. I inhaled her scent quickly, it was sweet like berries and a spring day. I didn’t want to let go, but I had to. The producers were finally getting what they wanted, our whole interaction since stepping foot on the dance floor was over the top flirty and sexy. More so than it had been during rehearsals as we continued matching each other’s energy, not holding anything back. If the connection between us continued to grow like this every week, it was only a matter of time before something happened between us. Having this much chemistry was unsustainable in its current form. 

While I did my interview and waited for the scores, Kat stood hugging me around the middle with both arms. I wrapped one of mine around her and pulled her tightly into my side. 

The judges didn’t really have any feedback for us. They mostly gushed about the sexiness of the performance and how in sync we were with each other. Noting that we probably had a stronger connection than any other couple on the show this season. My head was spinning from the adrenaline of it all before we even got our scores. My knees felt like they were going to give out as they started calling out the numbers. They gave us two 8’s and two 9’s. Kat and I were both in shock as we stood with our mouths agape. She had to give me a little shake to bring me back down to earth as the host asked how I was feeling about having the highest score of the night. 

Afterwards, we walked back to the staging area with smiles on our faces. Several cast members congratulated us as we passed by. We found a spot in the back corner, away from the others. Kat pulled me in for another hug, “That is the highest score I have ever gotten. I think I’m in shock.” 

I chuckled, “I know, I’m in shock. That was…wow. I have no words.”  

“We should celebrate with a big greasy burger after this,” she said with a toothy grin. 

I nodded, my hand still resting on Kat’s hip after she pulled away from the hug. Her hand sat on the back of my shoulder as she leaned into my side. We stayed like that while watching the next couple’s performance. The energy was still buzzing between us when we were interrupted by Alec. I noticed his eyes drop down to where my hand was on Kat, anger briefly flashed across his face, but he managed to compose himself. 

“Kat, can we talk for a minute?” he finally asked. 

Her lips set into a tight line before she finally nodded and pulled away from me. He’s not really gonna do this now, is he?

They moved further away into the back corner, but I could still hear him begging her for another chance. I rolled my eyes, trying not to listen, but I honestly couldn’t help it. 

“Baby, please, I swear. I’m not gonna fuck up again. I’m really gonna try to do better. I went to an AA meeting yesterday. I haven’t drank at all since that night. I feel terrible and I realize I can’t keep acting like this. I’ll do whatever you want. I’m still going to anger management, I’ll do therapy too if that’s what you really want. Please, I’ll do anything.”

I chanced a glance in their direction, Kat looked like her resolve was breaking. Fucking asshole. He was saying all the right things and I bet he didn’t mean a word of it. 

“Alec, I can’t keep doing this.”

“I know baby, I don’t blame you. Just one more chance, please.” 

Kat sighed, “OK. This is the LAST time though. You fuck up again and I’m done. It’s on you. You hear me?”

I didn’t even hear Alec’s response. I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. I had gotten my hopes up - let my fantasies of her being mine run wild and infect my senses. I felt dizzy for a different reason now, realizing my breathing was turning shallow.

My attention was drawn back to Kat when I heard my name. 

“You need to get over whatever your issue is with Dieter. He’s done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. I’m not gonna put up with it. I want you to apologize for trying to hit him. That was on you.” 

I don’t want his fucking apology. 

“I’ll do whatever you want, just let me come home with you tonight. Please? So, we can talk, and I can show you how sorry I am. Let me make it up to you.” 

She puffed air through her cheeks before nodding, “Fine. Whatever.” 

I felt sick. I needed to leave. It felt like the walls were closing in on me and everything was suddenly too loud. Sweat was beading at the nape of my neck and running down my back. I felt like I was gonna have a fucking panic attack. 

I turned to leave, nearly bumping into Kat who was now holding Alec’s hand at her side. I just stared at them wide-eyed. I could see the concern on Kat’s face, but I didn’t care.

“Dieter man, listen…I’m sor…” Alec started to say. 

“Save it. I don’t want your fucking apology.” 

I glanced down at Kat, “Enjoy your evening. I’m not feeling well, I need to go.” 

I could hear Kat calling after me as I left the staging area and moved toward my dressing room. I quickly changed out of my costume and stuffed it into the dry cleaning bag, sitting it outside my door for pickup. I closed the door behind me and locked it. I sat down in the chair, my head in my hands as I fought to control my breathing. The tears pooled in my eyes as I tried to reason through why I was reacting like this. It wasn’t normal. The hurt was too much. 

I was startled from my thoughts by a loud knock on the door. 

“Dieter, are you in there?” It was Kat. I didn’t answer her. 

My phone buzzed with several incoming text messages. They were from her, but I didn’t bother to look at them. I couldn’t. 

I exhaled slowly, running my hands down my face. What is my fucking problem? It was then that the realization finally hit me. I was in love with her. “Fuck.”

Next: Week 4 (Part 1)

A/N: Y'all ready to come at me with pitchforks? Don't worry, it won't last long. Alec is a class A fuck up. You know it's only a matter of time. So, there was a lot that went down in this chapter. Now that you've read Dieter's side, who do you think is down worse, Dieter or Kat? There was a lot of flirty banter in this chapter and I am here for it. Do we think Kat was intentionally flirting? What do we think about them singing together? I can confirm, this will not be the only time that happens... We got a small glimpse of plant dad and cat dad Dieter in this part. Are we swooning yet? How much did we love Dieter being a smart ass to Alec during dress rehearsals? I feel like we need more snarky Dieter. What about Dieter's revelation at the end? How do you think that is going to affect his interactions with Kat going forward? Now for some fun stuff... a big shout out to @readingiskeepingmegoing for introducing me to one of the music artist featured in this chapter. I. AM. OBSESSED. The three songs referenced in this chapter are linked below as well as their performance song. I have also included another fun Cha Cha video that I took inspo from.

CP Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept

@survivingandenduring  @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love

@readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981

@guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty

@rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte

@timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime 

@copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75

@bunniboo0015 @quicax3 jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap @pedrostories

@angelofsmalldeath-codeine @jessthebaker @rebel-held @gwendibleywrites @senorabond

👉 If your name is marked out, it wouldn’t let me tag you. ☹️

If you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know in the comments or shoot me a DM.

Credits: Support/MDNI Dividers: @cafekitsune Disco Divider: @deadbranch

[kateknowsdramas]

What Sweet Home Season 1 got right:

found family banding together to survive

character journeys - both good and bad - we understood what they wanted and what they were fighting for

character deaths that meant something both for their journeys and the story

a study in what it means to be human

What Sweet Home Season 2 got wrong:

threw everything that made season 1 good out the window

barely any of the original cast is in this season

they destroyed Yi Kyung's character

Song Kang who? where? a part of the story what?

what is happening????

characters who have no introduction or backstories making for a cluttered mess of people we're supposed to be invested in

I care about Jin Young's character but just because he's a cutie and we know he's a good guy - no idea about what makes him tick or his background

character deaths of S1 cast that come out of nowhere and serve no real purpose

again...what is going on??? I think there's a plot somewhere buried in there but I couldn't tell you what it is

Eun Yu keeps running around like a crazy person to look for her brother which is...stupid honestly

I don't care about these people at. all.

episodes 6-8 got mildly better but were still an incoherent mess

So, yeah...a huge disappointment, honestly. I really enjoyed season one for everything it was. Season 2 is just ridiculously muddled and doesn't allow the audience to care at all about what's happening. By the end, I got where they were going story-wise but I just don't care about how monsters are created. At least, I think that's what the plot was? It's literally just random things going on that don't tie together or move any kind of story forward. It's just a super weird, jumbled disaster.

[sir-phineas-lost]

TDP Season 6

Well, I think I might be fully on-board with this show again.

Well, maybe not fully, but certainly more than I have been since season 2. The ever-present problem is the refusal to actually deal with the generational trauma and prejudice aspects of the story in a way that isn't wholly one-sided or shallow. Along with the usual amount of protagonist-centered morality.

Spoilers under the cut.

But! It has some of the best characterization of Claudia and Viren in the show so far. I especially love how they utterly subverted the preview scene that made me a little worried. I really wish there was more of Claudia here because I feel like we needed more scenes of her trying this new path before settling on her final decision for it to really land, but it still works.

Sidenote: The Rayllum-hater in me really likes "The Frozen Ship" but for all the reasons I doubt were intended. An episode that shows just how much this ship is built on fandom-expectations that the main boy and main girl are going to get together. Really obnoxious meta-jokes about how popular the ship is? Check! Reading a completely different love-story to spell out how the characters are feeling? Check! Literal stand-ins for the fandom moving them around like dolls going "Now kiss!"?? Check check check! And all the while it is juxtaposed with scenes of Claudia and Terry that are nuanced, somber, haunting and really intimate yet tasteful, all without a single word of dialogue? And you want me to care about that other garbage?!

And Soren in the final 3 episodes is at his absolute best. His anger and grief are all equally justified and he is more mature and grown-up than ever. And we got some really nice vindication for that mess of a season-3 finale. Not that I expect it to lead anywhere regarding Ezran reevaluating his decision. As awesome as it would be for him to get home to a ruined Katolis and be greeted by his people who now look exactly like the soldiers he triumphantly fought off before and get hit with the realization "huh, maybe that wasn't such a black and white conflict after all".

The final episode is all about Aaravos and it hits just about every note it needed to, without giving away every detail. But it certainly does the trick in explaining his motivation. And the reveal of what a Startouch elf actually looks like is so well done that it hits you like a truck to realize "Oh, they already gave that away long ago and we just didn't notice".

Only problem is that it is going to be even harder for me to not root against the main cast now that I know they will be working against the person who is trying to overthrow the entire unfair order of the world, which is the part of the story I am invested in.

Still. I am looking forward to seeing how this ends and while I doubt it will ever live up to the better version of this that lives in my head, or in some excellent fanfics, I hope it will be good.

[horizon-verizon]

I was thinking today about how the canonical Targaryen lineage makes no sense with the Velaryon race change. Jaehaerys is as white as a white man can be in the first episode even though his mother was a Velaryon. And all of his children and grandchildren are of course also the whitest people ever (they couldn’t even cast a mixed/Black actress to play Alyssa even though she’s just a hallucination). Go back even further the Conquerors’ mother was also a Velaryon. I know genes can be funny things and don’t always follow math, I know white-passing exists, but if Baela and Rhaena can be Black Targaryens, there is absolutely no reason why the rest of the Targs we see aren’t mixed/Black, actually.

And not just Jaehaerys either, as Boremund Baratheon (the man who swears fealty to Rhaenyra in episode 1 and later hosts her during her suitor progress in episode 4) is Jaehaerys’ younger half-brother from the same mother, as is Rhaenys’ mother Jocelyn Baratheon.

Ryan Condal literally said, “Well, Valyria was this enormous continent, a very diverse and well-populated nation that fell into the sea. Why couldn’t there have been a line of Black Velaryons in that story ?”, meaning there were Black people indigenous to Valyria and that Corlys’ brown skin doesn’t come from his mother.

Yeah...one thing about this show is that the changes are made sporadically, according to their marketing needs, and are not truly story forward.

Ryan is the same man who said Aegon I lived in and at the same time Old Valyria existed & erased every trace of ladies in waiting for Rhaenicent to make any modicum of sense. He or Hess or soemone they approved came up woth the idea that Rhaenyra, the Queen Consort, would face or even tolerate the same kind of disrespect from a council of men as Alicent, when these two women have completely different positions and in the bk, rhaeyra wouldn't even allow that shit to happen. Rhaenyra is a Queen regnant, Alicent was a Consort and then a Dowager. It makes much more sense for Alicent to into be able to do shit AND for the men to even try to speak over her or dismiss her. Nor would Rhaenyra castellan be a man who got a seat at the table, much less argue with her in front of others without facing some severe consequences. We have the raping, betraying Huh Hammer become a family man to be the PoV/inside look of the smallfolk instead of say Sylvenna Sand, Essie, Nettles, that girl Mysaria had as a messenger, Gaemon Palehair. Or you know just some random. Baela and Rhaena's relationship w/Daemon and his own personal arc is fraught with stuff that either never should have existed or is a rehash of what was "solved" back in season 2 for the whole "fix a toxic man" arc instead of just developing Baela and Jace's romance, the social effects of kinslaying at KL's court, Corlys being more active and the shifting tensions b/t him and Rhaenyra done both indirectly or directly, etc., etc.

We're not dealing with straight shooters here. 🤷🏾‍♂️

[waywardnewcomer]

Bridgerton Season 3 part 2 spoilers below the cut!

WHAT CAN I SAY? I loved it! Polin’s love story is so sweet and infuriating at times, but the way Colin accepts her as LW at the end warms my heart. One thing I’m majorly disappointed with is the lack of a sex montage post wedding at the end - which had been (incorrectly) spoiled on twitter so I was really sad just to see the one scene! I feel like Benedict had more sex than Colin this season 🫠 (although I did love that we finally have canonically bi!benedict!!!) I was hoping for a little more from the mirror scene in particular more spice but it was more romance - which was lovely don’t get me wrong, I loved how he continuously asked for consent!!!! I was also sad we didn’t get Colin upset with Pen about what she’d wrote about herself too!

However!!!! I’m very happy Polin won their heir race! Although all the babies look similar ages so was it the pre wedding sex that knocked her up👀👀 I also can’t wait to see kanthonys child!! Was happily surprised they made Michael Michaela, and the way Fran was literally lost for words when meeting her! And another special mention for bi!benedict (especially during pride month!🏳️‍🌈) as him realising he could have both was so beautiful, I hope we see more of him exploring before he settles down with Sophie.. do we think Benedict is next season?? I hope he is, but who knows.

I’m also so happy Elouise and pen made up, made my heart so happy. What are your hopes and predictions for next season? I’m full on Bridgerton brain rot atm. Hoping for more marital bliss between kanthony and polin, and lots more spicy scenes! Hoping Cressida pays for what she wrote about the Bridgertons (although I do feel slightly sorry for her - but if the rumours are true about Sophie’s step mother she will soon be part of the Bridgerton family by marriage). Hoping for scenes with the cousins playing together!!! And I’m really looking forwards to seeing how pen’s writing and Colin’s book progresses.

Anyway I have to get ready for my night shift which I did not nap for in favour of Bridgerton, so please indulge in my brain rot below whilst I’m at work. And a massive well done and thank you to the cast, especially Luke and Nic on a great season!

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

Rebecca Ferguson had no qualms about leading her own TV show. In fact, she relished the opportunity to set the tone for the Apple TV+ series “Silo” from the top down with a “no bulls–t” attitude. “I’m not worried about the consequence of speaking up or saying no or coming forward,” she told TheWrap over Zoom, sitting comfortably on her bedroom floor, draped in a blanket and fiddling with a caffeinated toothpick as her passion for the acclaimed drama manifested physically — like an excitable friend waxing poetic in the wee hours of the night during a sleepover.

“There is no book of how you lead. You listen and you follow,” Ferguson said, speaking not just about her role as the star and executive producer of the dystopian sci-fi series but also about her character Juliet, who is unexpectedly thrust into the role of sheriff — a job she decidedly does not want. 

Based on a trilogy of novels by author Hugh Howey, “Silo” takes place entirely within the confines of a community living inside a giant silo that burrows hundreds of stories into the Earth. Life on the surface is uninhabitable, but Ferguson’s Juliet — an engineer with a tragic past — begins to question the basic tenets that hold the fabric of this community together in a sprawling and emotional storyline.

“She doesn’t want to be sheriff because the idea of human connection and leading people f–king terrifies her,” Ferguson said. “But by questioning, by being a rebel in some form of unchosen way, she changes the status quo of something that has been a structure and shakes it up. And that’s really fascinating, I love it.”

When “Silo” came her way, Ferguson was able to be picky about what projects she took on. She’d become a fan favorite in the “Mission: Impossible” franchise and was earning acclaim for her role in the Oscar-winning “Dune.” So when she was pitched “Silo” and she had some issues with the script, she turned it down. “They came back and said, ‘What was it you didn’t like?’ and I was like, ‘Well this and this,’ and then they came back and they had changed it,” Ferguson recalled. 

“The whole script came to life for me and then (creator) Graham Yost offered me the executive producer credit and — and this is not a joke — I literally grabbed my phone and under my computer screen I was Googling, ’What’s the difference between executive producer and producer?’” she said with a laugh.

Ferguson said she put in a lot of work to prepare for the show’s first season, which she described as “like Indiana Jones underground,” but the key to finding her take on Juliet was in the character’s movement. 

“I wanted to not walk the same way that I always walk,” Ferguson said. “I thought, what happens if I go completely introvert? What if she’s uncomfortable with people and environments?” That meant carrying trauma in Juliet’s shoulders, looking stiff and conveying discomfort when talking to others. “It’s fun!”

When asked if the responsibility she carries as No. 1 on the call sheet is ever daunting, without hesitation Ferguson said no: “I don’t feel that, ever.” She arrives on set early each morning, and she compared her giggly excitement upon seeing the rest of the cast and crew to that of a teacher greeting students each day.

“It’s a weird dynamic but I think the point is, I see you. You know in relationships when someone says, ‘I see you?’ That’s what I feel with these people.”

And she’s eager to see “Silo” through to the end. The show has only been renewed through Season 2, which wrapped filming earlier this year, but Ferguson said she’s under contract for four seasons total and hopes to finish the story. She even knows how it all ends.

“Season 2 is dark. It’s a bonkers exciting season,” Ferguson said of what’s to come. “It is huge, man.”

This story first appeared in the Drama Series issue of TheWrap’s awards magazine

[thelaurenshippen]

When you write your characters, do they have specific, locked-in physical appearances? Does that only come once you get the characters cast/does it match what the VAs look like irl? I was thinking about how, when I listen to TBS I picture the characters different than you probably do or how other listeners do.

For me, I usually only picture things like height/build and hair color/length, but even that is different from other interpretations I see in fanart. What’s it like to see fanart of characters who don’t have faces?

great question!!! no, absolutely not, pretty much never. I have a hard time coming up with character appearances even in books--I am just not a visual person! in writing prose, I of course do have to determine what they look like, but it's not usually the first thing that comes to mind.

when I wrote TBS, I had absolutely no thoughts about what the characters looked like beyond certain vibes (mark: handsome, agent green: beanpole, damien: exceptionally average, etc.) but that said, I'm not sure I necessarily picture every single character looking like their actor. and that's largely because we have so much incredible fanart for the show, that every time I see a new version of a character, I'm like "that's it!". so, to answer the last question in your ask, it RULES

but it's a little different depending on how the casting went. with the exception of Chloe and Sam, almost all the original roles in TBS (so, the first four seasons), were written without a specific actor in mind okay, I started to write a long paragraph about each of the characters and then realized it might be fun to go through the whole original cast and talk about how each actor ended up in that role--

(my god this got long I'M SO SORRY I feel like I've hijacked your really nice and straightforward question)

Sam - easy; she was written for me, she is me, and yet I never picture her looking like me

Chloe - I knew I wanted to get Anna to be a part of the show, so I wrote Chloe with her in mind. but I also don't really picture Chloe looking like her!

Dr. Bright - the hidden lore of TBS is that I thought about playing this role for about half a second, instead of playing Sam (thank GOD I wised up). I don't remember the thought process of casting Julia at all because I'm pretty sure I was just sitting in acting class one day as she was doing a scene and was like "oh, there she is"

Caleb - god, it's so weird to try and remember when these people were strangers to me - Briggon was so big-hearted in acting class, that I knew he'd bring so much to Caleb. but it was watching him do a gruffer scene in class that made me ask him - I wanted Caleb's big heart to make itself known more slowly. Briggon has an essence that I picture with Caleb, but I don't picture Briggon as Caleb, if that makes sense.

Adam - in lots of ways, Briggon cast Adam! he and Alex had been buds for ages and when I wrote the episode in which Adam first appears, I needed someone to do a few quick lines and Briggon suggested Alex. and that was supposed to be that - I had no plans to ever have Adam appear in the show again. but then, of course, we recorded with Alex and I simply had to make him a presence in the show. ditto here in terms of essence vs. appearance.

Damien - I remember the moment I (mentally) cast Charlie so vividly. I'd already shared the season 2 script where Damien first appears with Julia and she was very eager to know who I was going to cast - I think we were talking about it before class, because we both knew that we needed someone very specific and very good. and I'm like "idk! I haven't thought about it in depth yet!". and then Charlie was doing some scene or other in class and Julia and I literally leaned forward in our chairs so that we could look down the row at each other because we had the exact same thought at the exact same time. and we shared this look and that was that. I've never pictured Damien as looking like Charlie, because Charlie is way too good looking.

Mark - these next two were really hard to cast. mostly because I had such a specific idea in my head of a vocal tone/vibe, and I didn't know any actors who fit that perfectly. and it took several weeks of sunday classes with Andrew before I asked if he wanted to get coffee and talk about it. and it took that long because Andrew has this very annoying thing about him where he's literally so versatile and so grounded and real and fucking good in every role he does, that every time I'd watch him perform, all I could see is what he was doing in the moment and nothing else. I would get totally lost in what he was doing and, of course, it is that exact quality that makes him such a compelling Mark. I picture Andrew as Mark about...32% of the time.

Agent Green - an insurmountable task. no one in my acting class was right for it. no friends of friends were right for it and I asked around a lot, got sent a lot of voice memos. and then I was doing a short film with Anna and Ian was there - I'd met him once before when he was in a Rocky Horror production with Anna - and I really dug his energy. and he wasn't right at all for what I was imagining Agent Green to be, but I was like "you know what, I want to work with this actor, and it's one small-ish role in two episodes" and then we got Ian in with Julia and all of a sudden I was like "WELL I GUESS I HAVE TO WRITE A WHOLE AGENT GREEN STORYLINE NOW" (this has happened to me several times. goddamn actors). I think the Green in my head is like...the combination of Ian and his common fan art representation.

Wadsworth - I met Alex doing the same short film - she was in it and also doing fight choreographer and was just incredibly competent and cool. I knew I wanted Wadsworth to be someone who could really boss people around but, like.....in a hot way. it helped that Alex and Ian knew each other pretty well, because obviously that dynamic is central to both those characters. and I think, similarly, Wadsworth is half Alex, half fan art in my head

Frank - I hadn't really planned on bringing Frank into the show itself - kind of an Adam situation - but I saw Phillip do a very interesting intense scene in class and just....couldn't stop thinking about it. despite writing the role into the show more or less for Phillip, I don't really picture Frank as looking that much like him.

Rose - this one was pretty straightforward - I wrote Rose, thought through actresses I knew who had a particular energy and could also sing and Alana popped into my head right away! (the only other actress that came close was Helen, who plays Helen in TAMA which, as you can guess, was written for her. she's got an incredible singing voice like Alana does, but Alana was the better fit, and I got to have Helen villain it up, which was so fun, and have a fucked up thing with Wadsworth (Alex and Helen are irl besties)). but I don't picture Rose in any particular way, other than the cover art for SFP!

Charlie - I loved Ars Paradoxica, I loved Reyn in Ars Paradoxica, and it just felt right. I do think I picture Charlie as Reyn actually.

honorable mentions from the spin-offs:

Mags - I knew pretty much immediately that I wanted to get Bryce in the mix of TAMA and wrote Mags for her in the same way I wrote Chloe for Anna. Bryce and I met doing a production of Spring Awakening years and years previously (she was Martha, I was Wendla) and she's such a talent! I don't really picture Mags like Bryce though - I think I picture Mags as being much nerdier.

Beck - Jason "Marley" Beck has a very specific description in the books. he's a tall, hulking white guy with a buzz cut and a kind of frankenstein's monster energy to him. he's pale as shit. when I wrote him into TCT, I looked for actors like that (and found some truly great ones!) but I'd left the role open and when I heard Chris's audition I was like "welp. that's Beck. I guess Beck is going to be Black in podcast canon!" and that's what we did. podcast canon and book canon are technically two slightly different versions running on parallel tracks, and I wanted to go with the actor that I felt best fit the role, regardless of the fact that the book had already been published. so the image of Beck in my head is different for the book and the podcast.

Oliver - ah, Oliver. the surprising fan favorite. or, really, not that surprising, because I had the exact same reaction to Kristian when I first met him. he auditioned for a role in Passenger List and, while I was of course already a fan of his from Orphan Black, I was still shocked at just how much fun the audition was. and to be clear: auditions suck so so so so so bad. and for PL, they were full 6 hour days of watching actor after actor after actor and, well, it's my least favorite part of the process always. but for the, like, 5 minutes Kristian was in the room, I was having a genuinely good time. so of course we cast him and he was as lovely to direct as he'd been in his audition. when Caitlin came up with Oliver, I think we both had something very different in mind. but there was a mad scientist energy to him that made me think of Kristian so I pitched him to her and she liked the idea and the rest is history. and then, of course, he and Andrew's chemistry was a wild lovely surprise, so we brought him back. gun to my head, I could not tell you what I think Oliver looks like.

[alohaasaloevera]

Uhhhhhh I promise I’m cooking something up guys. Promise… I’ll even show you the plan(?)

—

(Directly pasted from discord but I make it more Tumblr Talk A.K.A punctuating and rephrasing my unpunctuated word vomit)

Klance post canon, but the internet is obsessed over Keith. Since the internet is the internet, they end up graphically talking about how much they want to smooch Keith and do some Stuff with him, and Lance is not very happy about this.

Some random event comes up, and overnight Lance is instantly trending on social media!! He now has a bunch of people drooling over him too!!

The paladins do go attend galas and interviews and all that schmooze because they are celebrities (they literally saved the world??). People eat the content that is posted up, and that’s when the first few klance shippers rise. Most people are like “??? Where did you get that from” but the klancers are confident in their ship.

Keith and Lance are put into their old “rival” dynamic—instead of combat-related issues, it’s now about who is hotter. People argue about this A LOT and honestly KL probably talks about their rivalry in at least one of the interviews,which makes the fans EVEN CRAZIER!!

The Klancers are seen as delusional for picking up the (VERY REAL) fond looks Keith gives Lance in interviews because “Keith isn’t gay!!” (*cough* Lance is openly bi)

AND THEN LANCE GETS CASTED TO STAR IN A TV SERIES??? Everyone is pumped especially because he’s one of the main characters and he’s being paired with this one pretty girl (IT COULD BE ANY POPULAR WOMAN IDK) that he’s met up with a couple of times.

Flash forward to the series debut (and maybe even the second season) and people ARE GOING FERAL! Not only because Lance and the girl in the show are depicted as a really cute couple and have a really good development of their relationship throughout the first like 2 seasons before they get together (WHAT KLANCE COULD’VE BEEN, DREAMWORKS.), but mainly because there’s a NEW leaked bts where Lance is spinning the girl around in the rain and doing romantic stuff idk and people are posting about how they want to go jump in a highway

But then someone posts a video of lance spending time with keith IN THIS LITTLE LAKE WITH A WATERFALL!!1!1!!1 AND HE’S TWIRLING KEITH AROUND JUST LIKE HE DID WITH THE GIRL??1?1!!1?

The internet explodes again.

—

things to note:

Keith is giggling in the video. Don’t ask why, I’m just correct.

The romance between Lance and The Girl in the series WILL BE 200% non-toxic. This is so I can make a plethora of people scream and cry over it in the fic, just like how they did with klance in 2017 (Except for the fact that. Y’know… they didn’t end up together 💀💀).

Jealousy will be a huge element in the story. Whether it’s Lance/The Girl or Keith/I don’t fucking know, there is going to be lots of yearning.

Uhhhhh I’m terrible at making stories and consistently updating so I can’t promise you a completed fic!!

If I do end up committing to The Bit and completing the story, I would aim for it to be around at least 50k(?), with like 20 chapters at most.

I am NOT finished with VLD (currently on 4x6), so as I run through the seasons there is probably going to be more and more references to the show as I update!

—

Thanks for reading this whole little thing!! I will say some of this was inspired by the fic Headlines by an orphan account. I highly recommend the fic!

I hope to get the first chapter of this fic out by next week (the 27th), but I am also notorious for procrastinating, so we’ll see.

[ananke-xiii]

My ranking of SPN seasons (based only on their PLOT) pt. 4 [final]

OKAAAAAY, LEEEEET'S GO!

Here, here and here I've covered from ranking #15 to #4 so let's see which seasons will be on the podium!

3. Season 8: This season really gave me life, it's absolutely one of the best. Plot-wise, I ADORED the introduction of the tablets and the Trials, whoever came up with this idea was pure genius. So Basically our heroes have to deal with the aftermath of the events in season 7: Dean has spent 1 year fighting monsters in Purgatory while Sam run away from his responsibilities and has found shelter in the arms of a woman. Cas seems nowhere to be found. The character who moves the plot forward is my beloved Crowley: while Dean was feeling pure in Purgatory with this vampire boyfriend (ihih), and Sam was guitl-trapped into adopting a dog (seriuosly? biggest red flag ever), our King of Hell was busy carrying the show on his shoulders. He kidnaps Kevin and orders him to translate the demon tablet. Since he's not stupid, he quickly understands that 1 leviathan table + 1 demon tablet = 1 angel tablet. Consequently, his quest for the latter begins. After 1 year of hedonism, our heroes realize that they had left poor Kevin behind while an astonished Castiel comes out of nowhere. The plot gets interesting. We find out that the demon tablet contains information on how to close the Gates of Hell. Comedy of error ensues since literally everybody thinks that the angle tablet would contain the same info as the demon tablet (really, guys? The ONLY smart person in the room about this was DEAN, as per usual). So what's written on the angel tablet? Surprise! We don't really know 'cause poor Kevin spent 6 effing months trying to translate half of the demon tablet so there's now way to know now! Cas makes the usual stupid choice and gets played by Metatron: he will undergo the Three Trials to close the Gates of Heaven. Meanwhile poor Sam undergoes the Trials to close the Gates of Hell. Eventually, Dean convinces him to stop the last trial otherwise he will die and poor Dean cannot live without his baby brother (same goes for little jealous Sam who, while literally dying, finds time to tell Dean that he feels left behind because Dean seems to love his Purgatory vampire and his trenchoated angel more than him (codependecy level: atomic)). Metatron fools everyone and cast a spell to make all angels fall. BOOM, season finale is EPIC. I really really enjoyed this season, it was so rich and full of turns of events but everything was coherent and engaging. What I didn't like is brainwashing Cas via Naomi. Plot-wise, it was unnecessary since Naomi literally reveals her original plan to Dean after episode 17 so, what was the point? Sure it gave us the memorable crypt scene and for it I am forever grateful. But in terms of plot, meh. It was weak. Also, it looks a lot like what happened with Godstiel in season 6 AND weird Cas in season 7 (poor Cas knows no peace of mind, literally).Once again Cas as a character is not fully in control and makes shitty decisions for reasons unknown? Mmmmh, me not likey.

2. Season 4: This season was explosive, I fucking loved it! First of all, as I've already said, I like when there's sort of a deadline in the plot and here we have a big one: Lilith is on her course to open the 66 seals that will free Lucifer from his cage. Problem is: nobody knows which ones she will choose since there are like 600 of them. Sam and Dean try to prevent the opening of the seals but things get complicated when the Angels enter the arena: they certainly look more like enemies rather than allies and for sure cause a lot of problems more than provide solutions. Previosly on Supernatural, Dean was rescued by Castiel from Hell (what an epic entrance, Cas!!!) after having spent 30 human years torturing and being tortured by demons, yay! Sam is now addicted to demon blood and nobody is pleased about it so our heroes have plenty on their plate. Plot-wise, this season was everything, it was a rollercoaster of turns of events, allies that become enemies, enemies become allies but wait no! they've been enemies all along! Castiel inadvertently changes the course of the story and creates real free will, Supernatural goes fully meta with the introduction of the Supernatural books by Chuck Shurley, angels are showed as scary, powerful creatures rather than comforting, merciful, ethereal beings ("Read the bible" LOL)... Man, what a fucking epic season! It felt serious but also carefree? It seems weird to say that but later on SPN gets increasingly tragic in tone so I'm very pleased with season 4 because it managed to balance everything out but with a lighter twist.

Season 11: while I was writing this, I was not sure which season would be number 1 but here I am, once again, in love with the plot of season 11. What can I say? "I'm a lover, not a fighter". So, the plot: the Winchester Bros Codependency Inc. has reached catastrophic levels: they are the ones to be thanked for the release of The Darkness into the world. The first interesting thing is that, for the first time ever, nobody really seems to know what to do. Thank God, there's the King of Hell (LOL) who promptly seizes the opportunity to take Amara and raise her hoping this would turn the events in his favours. However, he's unable to control her and soon Amara escapes wreacking havoc in the world. Not knowing what to do, Castiel decides to find Metatron, while Sam decides to go back into the Cage because he believes that Lucifer might be key to fighting Amara. Chaos ensues. Metatron doesn't really know shit, Lucifer same but he manages to escape via Castiel!vessel and we get Casifer (it was insane, I loved every minute of it!), the world is in shambles. A deus ex machina is needed: God/Chuck enters the chat. From here on, it all gets very philosophical and maybe that's why I frigging love this season. So, remember the Winchester Bros Codependency Inc.? Well, turns out Amara and God suffers from the same syndrome. They manage to (momentarily) find their balance while Dean (who had a bond with Amara because they both shared the Mark of Cain or whatever) decides to go to battle alone to convince Amara to stop or, if not possible, to die trying to save the world. And Sam Winchester is finally okay with this! Wow, progress, yes, right??? All ends so well that Amara gifts Dean with his friggin' mother who was dead 30+ years ago! Happy ending, much? LOL. I liked the simplicity of the plot, it's all very progressive, the pacing is slow but never boring, all characters still continue to make stupid choices but ultimately these don't bite them in the ass and they use them to grow... I don't know, I really enjoyed season 11. The only "negative" thing is that I wish the writers made Dean tell Cas something more meaningful than "you're our brother". Tons of metas have been written about it and yeah, I know, I know. Still, this season was all about "following the heart" so I'd have appreciated more honesty about this topic but hey, we all know how it ended so #nosurprise.

Okay, I'm done here! What do YOU think? Do you agree with my ranking? I'm curious, let me know!

[yeyayeya]

I’ve wanted to make this post for a while but wanted to wait until the dub was officially over so

My Final Thoughts on the TGCF Season 2 English Dub

Howard Wang as Xie Lian is fucking perfect. Every single time he spoke it just, I don’t know how to properly put it into words, except it is so well done?? But when XL started basically having a mental breakdown in front of Hua Cheng after Lang Qianqiu found out about the truth of the Gilded Banquet, holy fuck did the emotions just hit me in the feels. The scream and he emotional fatigue after? Xie Lian’s voice is perfection omg

Shoutout to James Cheek for just voicing the gayest character ever (Hua Cheng) and writing the gayest script for TGCF. While I liked his voice in the first season, but I wasn’t the biggest fan of it. It wasn’t until the second season where almost everything improved, and James’s voice for Hua Cheng? *chef’s kiss*. Okay but at least tone down the gayness a bit. And seeing someone who has read the novel and having little easter eggs for the novel readers for them to go insane over is incredible. I’m going to miss his voice in Season 3 since they’re going to have to cast someone else as Hong’er, but that’s ok.

Male and Female Shi Qingxuan: OMG??? Perfect casting. I just know they both put so much effort into them and I am eternally grateful. They just sound like the best of friends (they are). Every single line from them was so fucking iconic, which is accurate to the Wind Master’s character. I love both their voices so much you don’t understand.

Lang Qianqiu: AAHHHHH. My son, my boy, they gave him justice and I am so happy. First read through of TGCF, I only cared for HuaLian, but reading it again has made me appreciate and fall in love with the side characters, with Lang Qianqiu being one of them. I’ll say it did take a bit for me to adjust to it, but he sounds so much like an anime protagonist that I am ok with it. Another perfect casting. I’m going to be so fucking sad that he won’t appear for such a long time, and while he does get brought up occasionally, his last appearance is going to be the finale. I’ll miss you my son 😔

Jun Wu: ASDFGHJKL. He sounds like such a manipulative/toxic ex and a father figure at the same time. wtf. But his voice is so sexy tho. I don’t like it but I do. And I thought his original Chinese voice was hot, and then the English one goes and surprises me. I hate that I love it

Qi Rong: Perfection, glorious, fucking incredible. HIS VA IS PERFECT. Original was slaying so hard, and English? Fucking killing it. He was actually the one I was looking forward to the most, and he 👏 did 👏 not👏 disappoint. I won’t get over the perfect casting. Ever. The crazy and mad laughs? The insults I’ve never heard about but decided to keep in mind? Literally everything. I’m sorry I can’t get over how great his voice is

Feng Xin and Mu Qing (of course together): I am so biased towards Lucien Dodge, so I immediately loved his voice for him. He slaying that tsundere cat boy vibe so well. I will admit that his voice made me like his character more tbh. Ok but Feng Xin’s? Every time I hear it, I always need at least 30 seconds to get used to it. Idk why. I don’t hate it, and I actually love it, but he sounds so much like a dad it’s so funny. I still love him tho.

Pei Ming: 😳. No but that was actually my reaction to his voice. Why is every single god’s voice so hot. Please calm down. I really did not like Pei Ming at first but damn. I can actually understand why every single woman went weak with him.

Ling Wen: While she didn’t get as much dialogue this season, I’ll still count her. I’ve heard some drama relating to her voice actress from a while back but I’m not bringing it up rn. But her English voice is almost exactly the same as the original, just, different languages of course. She has such a unique voice and it’s quite pleasing to hear. She also sounds a bit like Siri but it fits her character

Other major characters that got only a few lines but still slayed their roles (Ming Yi, Pei Xiu, Jian Lan, Yin Yu): Hello?? Can I be patient to hear their voices again? Probably not, but please I need more of them. Ming Yi sounded hot since he took voice lessons from Hua Cheng, Pei Xiu sounded like such a little wet cat (wtf where did this crush on him come from), Jian Lan slayed because she is such an underrated queen, and Yin Yu? I WAS NOT EXPECTING A DEEP VOICE FROM WTF. I will say I do prefer his Chinese VA a little more due to it being more in character with him sounding soft and somewhat tired. But I enjoy his confident and announcing voice. They should keep him for the QuanYin flashbacks.

All in all, perfect cast. I don’t have twitter/X but I see things from the VA’s from time to time. And seeing them interact with the fandom and trying to give more to their characters makes me so happy. I just desperately need for more of the characters to have voices (aka Shi Wudu, Quan Yizhen, Mei Nianqing, Yushi Huang, Male!Ling Wen, White-No-Face). Give me more please.

Please check out the dub it’s so fucking great.

[eiressofinspirationwrites]

Of Heaven and Hell - Traitorous Heart

Pairing: Crowley x Female OC/Reader x Aziraphale

Word Count: 1381

Warning: Spoilers ahead for Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6.

Description: Aziraphale makes a decision that will change the lives of the ones he loves most.

Note: This fic is written from the second person POV but features a female Half-Demon/Half-Angel OC of mine from this one-shot I wrote several years ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Aziraphale!" The angel heard the voice of his partner before they burst through the doors of the bookshop.

"Lia, you're alright," Aziraphale breathed a sigh of relief seeing you already up and around after the injury you'd sustained during the demon's attack on the bookshop. Crowley had whisked you away to the home the three of you shared a few blocks over the second the demons were gone. You'd been in dire need of healing and rest you wouldn't have gotten in the chaos surrounding Gabriel and Beezelbub's revealed tryst. You of course had insisted Crowley return to Aziraphale's side the second you were patched up, "I have the most wonderful news."

"Zira," the crack in your voice made Aziraphale's heart stutter. He hadn't heard that sound from you in decades not since... no he couldn't bare to dredge up that memory, "Please don't do this."

Aziraphale realized Crowley must have already told you what happened between them. 

"You can come with me," Aziraphale took a step towards you, and his face momentarily crumpled when you fell back a step in response and he saw the tears threatening to spill down your face, "The Metatron promised things would be different with me in charge. He told me that Crowley would be welcomed back and you would be permitted entry. We just have to convince Crowley-" 

"You honestly believe that after everything the angels have put me through, put us through they'd just let a demon and a hybrid monstrosity walk right into their ranks with open arms?" you spat, every ounce of disdain and disgust you held against Heaven dripped from your voice like acid, "Do you not remember what they did to me? How they experimented on me? How they fucking hunted me like an animal for centuries because my parents were an angel and a demon? How they hunted and hated a child simply for being born?"

"It will be different now," Aziraphale's eyes pleaded with you, "I'll make things different." 

"You honestly believe you can change a system that has quite literally been like this since the dawn of time?" Aziraphale hated the look in your eyes. The doubt and pain in them was a knife in his chest, "Zi, Crowley was cast out simply for asking questions. What makes you think they will welcome me into their sterile white paradise? I'm an abomination, remember? I'm below the demons in Heaven's hierarchy of trash."

"Please, Azalia," Aziraphale stepped forward to take your hands in his, and this time you let him, "I know they have hurt you. I was the one that pulled you out of that prison the angels locked you up in to do those experiments. I helped Crowley nurse you back to health. I may not have loved you as long as Crowley has but I love you just as much. You know that. Please tell me you know that." 

"I do," you nodded.

"Good," Aziraphale brought a hand up to wipe away the tears now running freely down your cheeks. A small smile graced his lips as you leaned into his touch, your eyes closed, "I wouldn't have proposed this if I thought for a second they would hurt you. I will never let them lay a hand on you in Heaven."

"They don't have to lay a hand on me to hurt me," you whispered and opened your eyes to meet his, "Please, Aziraphale. We've worked so hard for the life we've made here. Why do you want to give it up? We're free here. Finally free after centuries of hiding who we are. In Heaven, there will be rules and expectations even you can't change."

"Azalia," Azirphale started but you cut him off. 

"I know you believe in Heaven. That you believe they can change," you took the hand he held to your face in yours and squeezed it gently as you lowered it, "I wish I could believe in that as much as you do."

"Lia," it was Aziraphale's turn for his voice to crack, "Don't do this. I can't lose you, too." 

"I'm sorry Aziraphale," you let your hands fall from his and began to back away, "I love you so much, but if you go back to Heaven... I can't go with you. Not after everything they've put all of us through. Not just me but you and Crowley. I know you can't see it yet, but Heaven has victimized you, too, and I can't forgive any of it."

Aziraphale was speechless as he watched you turn your back on him and walk for the door just like Crowley had. Hope fluttered in his chest as you paused upon the threshold of the shop. 

"If you change your mind about all of this madness with Heaven," you didn't so much as turn your head as you spoke instead keeping your eyes fixed on the door as you held it, "You know where to find us."  

Not me. Us. 

As you pushed your way out of the bookshop and disappeared into the morning crowds, it hit Aziraphale that he'd lost both of you. You and Crowley chose Earth and each other over him. If the Metatron hadn't walked in seconds after the doors swung shut on your departure, Aziraphale would have fallen apart. He still might. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you walked away from the bookshop and your partner inside, it felt like you were being burned alive from the inside out by holy water and hellfire all over again. That had nearly killed you nearly 5 decades ago. This might as well. 

You might have fallen apart in the middle of the street if you hadn't found your other partner waiting down the block from the shop by his car. The second you were within arms reach of Crowley, he opened his arms to you. 

A sob escaped your lips as you buried your face into his chest. The familiar scent of him was an immediate comfort as he wrapped his arms around you and rubbed circles on your back. 

"I'm sorry, love," Crowley muttered into your hair before he rested his chin atop your head. He wasn't usually one for public displays of affection but today he made the exception. 

"I tried," you whimpered, your face still buried in his shirt. 

"I knew you would," you could hear the sad smile in Crowley's words. 

Neither of you said anything more or moved for several minutes. Not until you felt Crowley tense. 

You turned away from Crowley enough to face back towards the bookshop but your partner kept you tucked close under his arm. Your heart skipped a beat as you saw Aziraphale exiting the bookshop with the Metatron. 

Aziraphale hesitated by the doors of the lift that would take him back to Heaven. Both you and Crowley held your breath as the angel you both loved so passionately stood on the threshold of a decision that would change your lives forever. If the thoughts of two people alone had the power to change the will of another, Aziraphale never would have taken that final step away from his partners.

"Let's go home," Crowley whispered after the doors to Heaven closed on the pair of angels. 

He was the first to move and ushered you around the Bentley towards the passenger side. He kept his arm around you as he opened the door and only broke contact when you were seated inside the car. 

Your thoughts drifted away from the Bentley as Crowley started the car and pulled away into the street to drive to the home you had once shared with the two loves of your life. 

Now where it had once been three it would only be two hearts in that home. 

You wanted to hate Aziraphale for forcing you to choose like this. You wanted to hate him for being blinded by Heaven and not seeing the truth in why you and Crowley couldn't go. You wanted to hate him for leaving both of you. You wanted to hate him for it all so badly but your traitorous heart wouldn't let you.

You'd loved the Angel of the Eastern Gate so much and for so long it wasn't likely the hurt of today would dim that any time soon.

[chaifootsteps]

Husk being revealed to be a former fuckin' overlord actually made me laugh when that line came up. 1 of 2 times i laughed in the whole show so far. He was so super powerful but somehow NONE of the cast recognized him? Why does he use cards as weapons like some kind of knock-off gambit?? Why even include that at all if there is 0 build up for it? Literally all he's done is stand around looking annoyed and drunk and telling angel to stop touching him. Aren't there only 8 episodes of this season? It feels like absolutely nothing is happening, but when something DOES happen it makes me feel like I missed something and it doesn't actually move the plot forward. At all. The songs don't really contribute anything either, despite being the crux of all the chatter surrounding the show. A catchy song or two does not a musical make. HH isn't a musical and the fact that it's going to be the only exposure to "musicals" that a lot of the fans are going to have is so, so disappointing. They'll end up watching one and being disappointed because it isn't just a bunch of disjointed pop/contemporary songs crammed into scenes, or they'll die of cringe because the dialog is sung rather than spoken. The sound design is TERRIBLE. Seriously there is NOTHING going on with that soundtrack and it's hilariously incompetent. There's no build up to the songs. The instrumentals themselves should carry emotional tones just as strongly as any spoken dialog or acting. This shit is trying SO HARD to be Avenue Q but it's more like a pack of drunken uncles at a karaoke club. Then again a pack of drunken uncles would be funny to watch so lol

It's also somehow a lot less sleezey than a pack of drunken uncles at a karaoke club. Also absolutely no reason why Vaggie, who knows everything that's going on and is a former angel, shouldn't know who Husk is.