#the brain goblins look at my interests and say:

[beeshoesometimesdraws]

I’m totally not drawing current fav character as a centaur, what are yall talkinggg about-

[burningcomputerpersona]

i had a really good idea for this assignment where i had to expand on something we learned during class and make a discussion post about it, and i got nervous writing it because i thought someone else might come up with the same idea and post it before i did

turns out i didn't have to worry because nobody else had a topic that was even remotely similar to mine, but i still live in fear of the day i end up in the same class as someone with the exact same knowledge in random topics

[roseykat]

TITLE: Play Fight

PAIRINGS: Hyunjin x Jisung x f!reader

SUMMARY: Hyunjin and Jisung remain stumped at what unfolded during a game of dirty truth or dare with you. There's no going back from it. No ignoring the obvious layout of what naturally happens next between the three of you under one roof where Jisung's needs get the better of him and Hyunjin's dream becomes a reality. A continuation of Play Bite.

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSWF SKZ related content and I know I won’t be able to regulate/monitor every single potential interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work or page whatsoever.

TAGS: smut, hints of voyeurism/exhibitionism, swearing, oral sex (f!receiving and giving), unprotected sex, messy sex, dirty talk, porn w/plot, making out, nipple play, hints of oral fixations, begging, orgasms, deepthroating, very vague hint of cum eating, creampie, reader says 'stop' but doesn't mean it in a way where she wants to stop having sex or isn't enjoying it (she says it out of the overwhelming sensation from needing to orgasm).

🏷️LIST - @leftkittenface @twinklix @meilix @weareapackofstrays @elizalabs3 @goblin-waifu @imnotjjini0325 @livzsposts @dawn-iscozy @princejisung @itsthatbri @20minsat180degrees @groovygroovyhyunjin @stayconnecteed @chillichillicrabcrab23 @valibals @oiikaro @galamxy (I also added people who were interested in part 2 just in case)

MASTERLIST - Play Bite (First Part)

A/N: this is just pure, filthy smut. I’m hoping I tagged everyone! Thank you all for waiting patiently! 🩷 This has been checked over a couple of times but I’ll check over it once more in the morning for any mistakes etc! x

The blood running through Jisung's body had frozen over. Stiff with shock, his eyes are still glued to the screen of your phone - at the message his best friend just sent through to you. As a result, a million and one questions fire around Jisung's brain in such a short amount of time. 

The first and most important thing was deciphering whether you and Chan were together. In his mind, there was no way. No way. Chan had recently come out of a long-term relationship and even said so himself the other week that he wasn't looking for another one any time soon. That he has zero plans to dive back into the dating scene for a long time.

Not to mention, you wouldn’t do anything as terrible as cheating. Jisung trusts that and his friends wholeheartedly. 

That seemed to be his only saving grace from wanting to justify his next actions, or at least Hyunjin's, because as soon as Jisung managed to peel his eyes from the screen, he catches full sight of his two friends, lip locked. 

You were still in between Hyunjin's legs, slightly twisted around in order to reach his mouth whereas he leans down just a bit to help. His hands were dangerously close to the waistband of your underwear - your underwear which had been soaked through after getting yourself off in front of them minutes ago.

Jisung still couldn't believe he witnessed that, nor what he's witnessing right now.

It was clear that the game of truth or dare had been derailed and preoccupied by a more pressing matter. As Jisung listens to the wet sounds of your mouths moving, he feels the familiar, aching throb in his pants. A reminder that he's still hard and has been for a while.

It only gets worse for him when he watches Hyunjin eventually slide down the front of your damp underwear, feeling how warm and slick you are. It doesn't take long for his fingers to lather up nicely and ease over your sensitive clit.

This is his dream unfolding.

The way you silently plead for Hyunjin to fuck you with his long fingers by opening your legs is hampered when Jisung inches closer to the pair of you. This time in between your bent legs. Hyunjin regrettably peers up and away from you for a second, the pads of his fingers still rubbing delicate barely-there circles over your clit.

"I wanna taste you," he says, leaning forward and closer, his doe eyes gazing pleadingly.

Hyunjin removes his hand from your pussy and holds his slender, glossy fingers up to his friend's mouth. Your cum is glazed over his digits, sticky thin strings that connect his middle and ring fingers, gleaming desirably for Jisung who shuffles forward eagerly to take them in his mouth, suckling and licking everything he’s being offered. 

But it's not enough for him.

"So good," Jisung murmurs as if he's under the influence after Hyunjin retracts his fingers. "But I need more than that. Let me taste that pretty pussy of yours.”

You cower half of your face into Hyunjin's chest with embarrassment, trying to hide the flush of red his comment brings out in your cheeks. He uses his other hand to gently tuck some of your hair behind your ear.

“Alright,” you give an affirming nod to Jisung who inflates with joy on the inside. 

He leans forward once more, this time to kiss you; slowly yet heated and needy for each other. There's an equal division of lust between you and him the moment his lips connect with yours.

As he breaks away from you, his eyes lock with Hyunjin for a few lingering moments before the pair of them share yet another kiss. Neither of them cared too much about it or what it was going to mean afterwards. All they knew is that they liked it and would have no trouble doing it again.

“You’ll get your turn,” Jisung teases, licking once over Hyunjin’s plush lips. “Maybe.” 

Hyunjin scowls at him, but with that in hand, Jisung finds the band of your underwear, slowly pulling them down your thighs, all the way down to your ankles, and off. The wet mess you left for them has Jisung salivating like some rabid dog. He lowers himself onto his elbows where his hot breath washes over your inner thighs. He hasn’t started and already has you pressing back further into Hyunjin, further into his crotch where he needs you the most.

That first point of contact makes your skin tingle. He presses chaste kisses into your skin. To truly bury his mouth into your pussy, Jisung snakes his hands around your thighs, gripping lovingly into your flesh. It helps anchor him and you more importantly. You squirm and quiver, legs trembling as he begins to kitten lick over your clit, using it to wet you up even more. 

Your eyelids flutter closed, focusing on the sensation, “y-yes…feels…”

“How does it feel?” Hyunjin begs the question for you.  

It feels like nothing else you’ve ever felt before. There have been a couple of times where a man will give you good head, but not like this. Jisung knows what he’s doing. He’s taking advantage of your over sensitive pussy, switching up his tongue game by sucking and flicking to keep you just above the edge. His skills have you gripping onto Hyunjin’s thighs that still cage around your body. 

“Good, feels good,” you swallow, feeling and listening to the way Jisung has come to lap everything up in between your legs. 

Hyunjin reckons he can make you feel better too and decides to use his hands to slide underneath your shirt. He gently supports your back with one hand while Jisung continues to eat you out. The other hand unclasps your bra, giving Hyunjin free access to grope your tits under your shirt once it’s removed. By then, you’re able to lean back into his body and continue to melt from the sensations.

Strained mewls and moans tear up your throat when Hyunjin uses his index fingers and thumbs to pinch roll your nipples. He savours the pathetic whimpers you make when he starts rolling them too. You struggle helplessly against him, pressing your chest up only for him to pinch them just a little bit harder. It’s like you wanted him to stop, but you also needed him to keep going.  

“Hyun…jin, s’too much, can’t-“

He finds himself nuzzling against your face, kissing your cheek here and there as an attempt to touch you as much as he can. He lingers on the fact that you’re barely able to speak in full sentences which does something to his brain. Like he and Jisung have reduced your mind and body to a point where it only knows and seeks pleasure. There’s no room for you to be able to speak when words can’t even describe what you’re feeling. 

“Can’t what baby?” He asks. “I’m sure you can take it.”

Jisung’s mouth throws your mind off of answering Hyunjin, right when he starts flicking his tongue right over the heavily stimulated bud of nerves. Your thighs firmly clamp around Jisung’s head, trembling from its effect that Hyunjin can even feel you quiver from behind. 

Turns out his best friend is good with his mouth. Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder what other use it has. 

“Cumming, please I need to cum,” you beg desperately.

One of your hands makes it through Jisung’s dark hair, something to hold onto to brace yourself for that intense round of pleasure. The assault from his tongue leaves you no choice but to tug and pull on his hair until Jisung himself starts moaning into your pussy from the pain - good, inviting pain. 

“Nobody’s stopping you baby. “Gonna cum for us? Again?” Hyunjin urges gently.

“Yes!” You whine pleadingly. “Mm, r-right there!”

The closer you are to the edge of your orgasm, your hips start to make subtle upward movements. Almost like you’re trying to ride his face, which Jisung welcomes, would invite actually. It’s what he wants anyway - for you to use his face until you cum all over it. 

“Don’t stop…please don’t stop, fuck!” You plead hysterically.

The pressure has you feeling like you’re about to explode into bits. Your thighs continue to squeeze unapologetically around Jisung’s head, fearing for a second that you might crush him. Meanwhile, Hyunjin’s fingers and thumbs roll and tug on your nipples. The sensations easily sweep over you, compelling deep moans and small yet shaky screams from your throat as you cum loudly. 

“Good girl,” Hyunjin exalts you with praise. “Sound so pretty…”

Jisung could’ve kept going had your body not wanted to completely give way. But he does slow down his pace for you to finally linger in what was one of the best orgasms you’ve had from getting head. It makes you melt into Hyunjin’s front, your muscles twitching yet relaxed at its best. 

“Christ…” you swallow, breathing heavily in big pockets of air. “Jisung.”

The man finally pops his head back up, a sight for you to absorb with the way his mouth is covered in your juices. The humiliation settles under your skin when you see the mess you’ve made on his face. As if he could care any less, not with the content grin he’s wearing. 

When you start descending from your high, it dawns upon you that you’ve had a total of two orgasms so far and not once have you returned the favour to Hyunjin and Jisung. Particularly Hyunjin, who hasn’t had much of your body in comparison to Jisung. He’s been sitting behind you patiently, taking all of the brunt force you made while his friend was going down on you. 

Amid the orgasmic haze in your brain, you push past it as best you can to speak, “condoms.”

Jisung nods mindlessly, trying to get the image of you looking so fucked out, out of his head. However, he snaps out of his daze and springs to his feet. He flounders around, thinking that if he doesn’t hurry up and find them, you’re both going to leave.

As Jisung is preoccupied, it gives you an opportunity to sit and turn around and face Hyunjin for the first time in half an hour.

“Lay back,” you mumble to him. 

“Hm?”

He tilts his head innocently that it makes you wonder if he’s just pretending or genuinely too dumbfounded with what you’re about to do. You shuffle forward, in between his legs still and kiss him gently. His parted mouth is so plump and supple that it makes you bite down on his lower lip and tug, forcing a tiny whimper out of him. 

“Condoms. Okay. Hyunjin, where are your condoms?” Jisung circles back to ask, checking the coffee table, the fruit bowl, even dipping into Hyunjin’s room and tearing open the drawers to his bedside table to check.

After coming up short, he returns to the lounge to see your mouth around Hyunjin’s cock, drawing long, deep, and slow strokes. He swallows hard, watching for a few moments too long until he pulls himself out his daze.

“Hyunjin,” Jisung calls out again. 

Hyunjin’s eyes roll back when you sink your entire mouth down onto his length as he grips the rug beneath him, “d-don’t have any here.”

“Shit,” he groans and strides over to the bench where he left his wallet when he first walked in.

Amongst his cards and loose change where he would also keep a few condoms for occasions like this, were unfortunately not there. Out of all the instances where he’s had spontaneous sex, this is the only time he wishes he really had them on hand. 

“I haven’t got any either-” he frowns but all he gets is a strained, echoed whimper when you deepthroat Hyunjin’s length. “Fuck…” 

Visibly spaced out for a moment, Jisung starts acting a bit like Bambi when he wants to start walking; struggling to put one foot in front of the other as he makes his way back over to you both. From this angle, he’s able to see Hyunjin in a different light. His wavy brown hair covering most parts of his face, knuckles now another shade of morbid white as he nearly shreds the carpet beneath him with his nails.

Jisung thought he looked good - fuckable. But he excuses that thought for the time being. 

“Y/N, please…fuck, not…not gonna last if y’keep doing that,” Hyunjin barely manages to get his words out, having to fight them every single time you swirl your tongue around his leaking tip. “I-I’ll cum, fuck.”

For a moment, you pull back from his cock, replacing it with your hand instead to keep up the pleasure you initiated. His body contorts and writhes, the back of his head pressing painfully into the ground. He must be an easily over-stimulated type. 

“Fuck me then,” you say to him. 

He blinks hazily, like he’s just waking up from a nap, “h-huh? But you - the-“

You were not going to listen to what he’ll start babbling about so this time, you fully abandon his dick and turn around to face Jisung who had been silently watching you both from behind. The obvious, rock hard tent in his pants was alluring. If you didn’t have other motives of getting him off first, you would be in his lap, grinding your wet pussy over his bulge. 

From the way he’s been acting, you know he’d let you too. 

Jisung gazes into your eyes like a snake that’s being charmed. He’s wondering what your next move is when your lips inch closer to his even though it’s easy to predict a kiss.

That being said, you arch your back, giving Hyunjin a not so discrete choice to fuck you. Presenting your wet hole to him as an invitation. It was a devious move but nothing in comparison to the grand scene of things. That being you and two of your best friends touching each other in ways that friends don’t normally touch. 

It isn’t ‘friend behaviour’ if you reach down into Jisung’s lap and palm his hard, neglected cock through the strains of his pants. It’s not ‘friend behaviour’ if Hyunjin moves himself closer to you so that he can delicately graze the pads of his fingers over your dripping slit. Friends don’t do this, yet, as friends, none of you could care less. 

All that mattered was sex and to be touched. To be relieved of the delicious pressure that you want to keep just so that the feeling of ‘cumming’ lasts forever. But, you all know that you can’t have too much of a good thing. You can’t get greedy when Hyunjin rises to his knees, stroking his cock a couple of times in hand. Or when he starts slicking up his length in between your wet folds and slowly pushing in. 

“S-Shit,” you gasp, causing your hand to stall over Jisung’s dick right as you were about to free him from his pants. 

His cock starts filling you up little by little. Hyunjin presses in a few centimetres then pulls back out. He does that until your pussy swallows up his entire dick nice and snug, reaching the base of it. With the amount of prep you’ve had so far, it made the process all the more easier to take the amount of inches Hyunjin packs. 

From what you can feel inside you and what you’re palming beneath your hand, it was simple to conclude that Jisung and Hyunjin were relatively similar in size. When you pull the waistbands of Jisung’s pants and underwear down, you were right in your assumption. Beads of pre cum had been leaking pitifully from his angry red tip and down his shaft, most of which were soaked up by the fabric of his clothes. 

“Fuck baby,” Jisung whines, sucking in long draws of breaths when your hand wraps around him and slowly tugs. “So good…so hot.” 

A small, tired smile spreads on your face, but his compliment does not distract you from the fact that Hyunjin has begun to thrust slowly, along with applying a soft grip on your hips. With that, you lower your mouth down onto the tip of Jisung’s cock. He hisses and grits his teeth, the sensitivity he feels is already overwhelming.

Even more so when you start taking him as much as you can. Thankfully Hyunjin’s thrusts help you take more of him too, bucking forward from the force he starts putting in. 

“Bet that…pussy feels just as good as your mouth,” Jisung says breathlessly, carding some of your hair out of the way. He bundles as much of it as he can for you, holding it in a subtle grip on top of your head. 

"It does, like warm velvet”, Hyunjin says to himself in his head as a response to his friend's comment. 

A hot, wet, and lush pocket that he has the privilege of fucking and not once did he ever fathom a possibility that is so real right now. He has to quickly snap out of his own head for a minute, distracted by that creamy ring around his cock being pushed back to the base of his cock when he slides his entire length in and out of you so fluidly. Taking him all the way. 

It’s like you were made for him…

For a second, Hyunjin was convinced you could hear his thoughts as you decided to deepen the arch in your back. His cock now repeatedly hitting a delicious angle that makes your thighs involuntarily shake each time his tip connects with it. The shockwaves of pleasure start to surge and pool inside you, waiting to be released. 

“Fuck…yes, baby,” Hyunjin mutters to himself, making the mistake of looking down at where his cock is vanishing in and out of. “Taking us so fucking well.” 

You moan around Jisung’s length at the praise, prying more strained whines and cries from him that fills Hyunjin’s ears. It has so much effect on him that he has to look up and see for himself. Jisung looks and is fucked out, like he’s already on the verge of cumming which is a given considering that you’re taking all of him like a champ. The wet sounds your mouth makes as it glides up and down Jisung’s cock sounds just as good as it feels. 

Every now and then you suck on his tip when you need to come up for some air, still making sure he has some contact before you mercilessly sink back down again. Once Jisung started rutting slightly into your mouth, tightening the grip he has on your hair, and his loud, quick paced breathing from above, you knew. You knew he wanted to cum. 

“Close, fuck I’m so close,” he swallows, biting down on his bottom lip as you bob your head up and down. “Gonna cum Y/N…gonna make me cum.” 

Hyunjin observes attentively from behind. Watching in the moments leading up to Jisung’s orgasm, the way he keels forwards, crying out in a series of loud moans as you continue to bring him to the edge, “yes, yes, yes, fuck yes!”

You feel his cock twitch in your mouth, his cum spurting out rhythmically and orgasming so hard that his body shivers over. Not once do you let up, even after his orgasm and even the fact that you have a hypothetical eye on your own which Hyunjin has been curating for you. The pressure has been built so high that it’s hard not to feel like you’re about to explode. Similar to the way you could tell Jisung was about to cum, Hyunjin could easily tell when you were. 

You had gotten noisier, even with a dick in your mouth that barred you from using any words, it was obvious the way you were feeling. Your plush walls were starting to tighten themselves cosily around Hyunjin, gripping onto him so that he wouldn’t leave. 

As you finally peel back from Jisung’s cock, a long line of spit connects you and his length, mixed with his warm cum. But in a matter of seconds, you’re already there too. You pull back entirely, now a panting, gorgeously ruined mess who’s getting railed the way people can only dream of.

Something possesses Jisung to lean forward and kiss you sloppily, quickly evolving into some messy, wet makeout. He can taste himself in your mouth, exchanging the salty residue that invites him to linger on your lips a little longer, unbothered about the fact that you’re about to be swept over by an intense orgasm. 

Only when you start breathing heavily and quickly, Jisung decides to pull away and witness the event unfold. He watches Hyunjin fuck you to your orgasm while his mind is tormented by the way that you look. How his cum mixed with your spit starts drooling out of your mouth when you start crying out from such concentrated pleasure. It feels like Hyunjin just pulled a pin to a bomb inside the pit of your stomach. 

“Oh my god,” Hyunjin groans, pulling your body back and forth onto his cock by your hips. “So fucking close.”

“S-Stop - I…cumming, fuck, I’m cumming-” your words are cut short as pleasure shoots throughout your body, fingernails digging into the carpet.  

Everything inside of you feels heightened and rocked with a euphoria so immeasurable that your entire body cannot do anything but still and take what Hyunjin gives you. His steady pace doesn’t waiver. Despite the fact that he’s seconds away from busting a warm load inside you, he’s capable of not switching things up drastically so that you get a steady flow of pleasure. 

As your walls quiver and spasm around his cock, Hyunjin coats them in a hot thick white. His bruising grasp on your hips is the other outlet he has to mitigate such an intense orgasm. As for you, all you can do is absorb yours. To take his entire cock so greedily when you cum hard that your vision has gone all blotchy. You’re seeing cosmics of tiny glistening stars on Jisung who does nothing but watch out of desire to see you lose your mind so easily. To see you writhe and tear up from how strong the ecstasy is. 

“Yes! Fuck, Hyunjin!” You scream out, moaning loudly around his apartment that both of them are sure his neighbours will hear. 

But it’s not like he cares if he ever receives a future noise complaint. It’d be an honour to know that he fucked you so good that everyone in his complex could hear you. What a dream that would be; to make you feel good all the time. A very distant dream at that. 

“That’s it,” Hyunjin sighs out when your body gives one final shudder, giving you some shallow thrusts to help ease you down. “Good girl.” 

Hyunjin pulls out slowly with a hiss as a giddy feeling in his gut that makes his mind twist when he sees his cum mixed with your juices, leak from your hole. So captivated by it that he only starts to realise that you need to lie down. Your body does what it feels like and collapses steadily onto the carpet beside Jisung who lies back with you. It’s not long before Hyunjin follows suit and rests by your other side too. 

The three of you then laze on the floor, sticky bodies meshed together for the time being as Hyunjin comes up to spoon you from behind and Jisung from the front. Minutes tick by as you all relax peacefully. You could’ve almost fallen asleep like this until Jisung, who was ‘just closing his eyes’, flashed them open and looked dead into your soul. 

“Why’d you need a condom if you let him fuck you raw?” he asks out of nowhere, suddenly expecting a long and complicated reason from you. Despite the filthy things you guys just did, his question seemed so amusingly crass. 

“Because I wanted you both to fuck me…at the same time,” you murmur tiredly yet so honestly. “Needed at least one for that.”

“Oh, r-right,” he stutters, then plays it cool. “Usually I carry them with me but-“

“You ran out?” You guess, cutting him off. “Whore.”

Jisung went to open his mouth to object your claim until Hyunjin reached over and covered it with his big hand, “shut up please.”

Hyunjin’s closes his eyes again but his brain now whirs with the thought of what could’ve been. Not that it mattered now. He enjoyed himself and he’s sure that you and Jisung did too who could not think of any words that come close to describing how he feels. His head was clear of thoughts - all except one. Chan. Or at least, what’s going on between you and Chan. Not that it was any of his business.

Nonetheless, he was interested but decided to keep it to himself for now. So while your eyes closed once more, Jisung turns around and reaches for your phone to unlock it before heading to the message he sent to Chan, and the one he received from him too. He checks it over one final time to be sure that what he read earlier was correct.  

From Chan to You: Again? Still horny from this morning? Alright then, I can come over and give you what you need x 

He still struggled to believe it. But, with that in mind, Jisung deletes the message and forgets that it ever happened knowing that the next time he sees the others, he’ll ask if they too know anything about what’s going on between you and Chan. 

For the time being, he relishes in the afterglow of one of the best nights he’s had. To rest peacefully in the warmth and comfort of his two friends.

I strictly forbid and do not permit anyone or any user to copy, re-upload, translate, remake, or pass off any of my work here on Tumblr to any other social media platform whatsoever. Doing so will result in having your account suspended, deleted, taken down, and or permanently banned.

-

A/N: 060124 - Play Right

[cheriladycl01]

Kinktober 23/10/2024 Alexander Albon - Bondage

Plot: Alex never showed his kinky side to you, but after finding some handcuffs you can’t help but question it.

Warnings: Kinktober, SMUT, bondage, tied up, fingering, blowjob, p in v etc 18+ Minors DNI

You and Alex had been dating for ages. You were 19 and he was 23 when you started dating. Now 5 years later and you were stronger than ever. You were freelance travel journalist and YouTuber and so travelling around the F1 calendar with your boyfriend and seeing all these cool new places was perfect for you relationship. There wasn’t a moment you and Alex were apart.

One aspect of your life you really enjoyed with Alex apart from all the travel was your sex life. It was very active and he was also so tentative and knew exactly what you wanted and when you wanted it. However sometimes you felt like he was holding something back.

You never questioned it until today when you found a pair of fluffy handcuffs in a shoe box under the bed. You’d never seen your sweet and goofy boyfriend have anything remotely naughty apart from the basics like condoms and those aren’t naughty that’s just being safe, but to see this was … interesting and you couldn’t help but wonder why he never told you.

“Hey babe” you grin as he comes in planting a kiss on the side of his cheek which he swivels so your lips end up on his making you grin more into the kiss.

“How was your day my gorgeous goblin?” He teases, it was a running joke that whenever you had a home day you became some sort of goblin, golem dupe where you’d just sort of rot.

“Mmmmm she’s very good, very chilled day. How is my handsome F1 driving, handcuff using, Williams racer boyfriend” you say as nonchalantly as possible, trying to stop yourself from laughing.

“Yeah he’s- wait, what did you say?” He freezes his brain catching up with the whole question.

“I asked how your day was?” You say cocking your head to the side, you deserved a Grammy for the confused look you were so naturally pulling right now with the laugher at bay.

“No no no you said handcuff using? How- how’d you know about that?” He asks his eyes wide.

“I may have found a pair under the bed. Why didn’t you tell me!!” You whine pushing his shoulder lightly in a jokingly annoyed way.

“Because we were fine the way we were … and it’s not like you’ve ever prompted about trying anything new!” He says throwing his hands up.

“I’m just a girl! Okay! Im shy” you say back and he looks at your with wide eyes, not in shock but in exasperation of how on Earth you turned this into a funny situation.

“Okay fine, test time now. Go on upstairs if you think your so funny missy” he tell you his finger pointing up to the bedroom. You head cocks to the side as if to test him to see if he really meant it.

“I’m not fucking about, upstairs … now” he says his voice gruffer than you ever heard it. You run up the stairs with a squeal him following closely behind you but not fast enough that he looked desperate.

Even thought it’s you … so he really was. All he could think about was sinking into you warm pussy.

You gently get on the bed, patting the shoe box that had his handcuffs in it. And he just chuckles.

“Surprised you didn’t dig deeper baby” he laughs going to the wardrobe and pulling a bigger box down from there that was well out of you reach and once he opened it you could tell why.

It look like 50 shades had threw up inside the box. There was so rope, gags, blindfolds more colourful handcuffs and other bondage devices you don’t think you’ve ever seen before.

It was a shock. You though the cheeky pair of handcuffs may have even been a sexy Halloween costume he’d done one year but no… this was the real Alex Albon.

And he was kinky as fuck.

This must have come around is his RedBull days surely…

He takes out and item which happened to be a blindfold and looks at you for permission to put it on. You nod, trusting Alex completely and he slips it on. He gently pushes you back so your head gently falls into the plush duck feather pillow on the bed that are now underneath your head.

Alex hands run up your legs. Pulling your skirt up a little while taking your underwear straight off. His fingers circle you clit before diving in thrusting in and out at a slow base. You could feel his knuckles graze against your walls sending jolts of pleasure down your spine.

Your hips thrust up to meet his fingers and get them as deep as possible. Your mouth open from the breathy gasps your leaving in your wake.

His fingers soon speed up and his other hand comes down to add extra stimulation by circling your clit with his thumb.

“Argh Alex. You moan, your hands reaching forward for him, but in an instant something clamps them down so they’re together in front of you.

He’d put the handcuffs on. You thought he may try handcuff you to the bed but handcuffing your wrists together while still in reach of his own was just bizarre.

As he speeds up his thumb on your clit adding a pressure that has a loud guttural moan come from you, you’re releasing all over his hands.

“Get up and Turn around baby, your gonna suck my cock with your hands tied okay?” He feels you and you nod. He sits down on the bed, helping you turn round and lean into him while kneeling on the floor. He doesn’t pull the blindfold off, he just lets you feel around with your mouth until you lick what you know is the tip of his cock as you can taste the pre-cum that’s leaking out.

He helps you out, holding your shoulder while your head moves in a sucking motion your cheeks hollow. He cant see your eyes but he knows with how deep your taking him that there will be tears building up in them.

He is quicker to release having been worked up since the minute the thought of you in his handcuffs became a possible scenario.

It was in his head, all while thinking off you wrapped in all his sexy and kinky toys.

His load is quick to shoot down the back of your throat, you struggling to swallow what he gave you due to the amount that has come out of him.

“Argh babe” he moans out as he thrusts his last dribbles into your mouth before pulling out. He removes the blindfold smiling at your bloodshot eyes and puffy red lips.

He helps you up onto the bed. Placing you back to the position you’d originally been in before he’s pulling out the soft sex rope and tying it around your wrists before it’s hauled onto the bedframe tightly holding you in place your arms stuck up in the air.

The cold air hits your exposed pussy making you shut you legs on instinct but Alex thigh comes down ti nudge them back open while he tightens the ropes around your arms.

It was so hot and sexy and you couldn’t believe there was this side to your boyfriend but there was and you were more than happy to experiment more with his after this now that you guys had got it all out on the open.

“I’d normally put the blindfold back on but I wanna see your face when you’re so fucked out you can’t even say my name” he says with a small smirk, one you’d never seen on your Alex before. This hunky guy above you wasn’t Alex Albon, this was Alexander Albon sex god and you were down bad.

“Alex” you gasp at the crudeness even though you were loving this side of him.

He pushed in hard and fast giving you no time to adjust before he’s slamming in and out with you. Your arms are already aching from being held up in the position that they are, but it’s a kind of ache that you enjoy. Makes you feel good and worn out.

His hands are all over your body that you can’t even think all you can do it feel, feel how amazing your boyfriend is making you feel right now.

You guys hold this incredibly intimate eye contact that makes you squirm and grip the rope that is slowly rubbing against your skin.

Marks for sure will be left on your wrist when they are taken off.

“A-Al-lex-x fuck I- I-” you moan looking up at him. He was insane and you needed to tell hime that but you didn’t have the words to tell him how much you loved him.

“I know baby, see told you you’d be fucked out” he grins kissing along your jaw as you continue to moan at the feeling of his quick thrusts making his fuck graze against your walls in a rapid fashion.

Fucked out, that you were.

And you loved it.

Taglist:

@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @eiraethh @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount

[definitelynuwonhere]

“You Know I Don’t Hate You…Right?”

Y’all remember the Past/Present Anthology? Yeah well Guy’s audio suddenly came to mind and I came across a pinterest prompt that peaked the interest of my little goblin brain so I present you with this:

——————————

We all know how much of a personality Guy possesses, a personality that definitely walks the very thin strings of Honey’s tolerance. And while they’ve thrown around the words “I hate you” to his face countless of times, all of varying levels of volume, they can’t help but feel this guilt in their chest this time around.

They’ve never been the best at expressing themselves through words, and while Guy has gotten accustomed to this, they aren’t a mind reader, and he can pull off one hell of an act. They wouldn’t be able to know, if their words finally struck. And that scares them.

He would say something if it has gone far right? I mean, they act like that all the time, nothing unusual about it, I mean their entire relationship is built on sparing with words right? Right…

“You know when I say I hate you, I don’t actually hate you, right?”

their voice barely a whisper against his chest as they laid there, eyes staring into space.

He looked down to at them with a gentle smile.

“I know honey."

he murmured, chuckling as his arms tightened around them.

They sat up, “Y-yeah, but I just wanted to let you know, you know? Heh.."

“Hey, hey..”

He whispered softly, sitting up next to them. He took hold their chin, facing them towards him.

“I know..I know you, and I know how you are, I never take anything personally. Well, except that time you insulted my hair, that was uncalled for,”

He snickered, earning a laugh from them. He tilted their head up to look at him, and he smiled, pressing a soft kiss to their nose. “But I know you don’t hate me.”

They smiled back, relieved at what be said. They look back up at him, face turning smug as they sneered."I should though,"

He laughed, pressing his forehead against theirs, nodding. “Yeah, you should," He chuckled. He cupped their face between his hands, looking at them with such love in his eyes.

“And it makes me the luckiest bitch in the world that you can't manage to" he said, “I mean, the amount of times you could’ve probably knocked me out with your fist” he added, chuckling, earning a scoff from them.

He snickered, squeezing them into a hug and placing a kiss onto their shoulder. They let out a comfortable sigh and looked up at him with a gentle smile. “I love you.” Guy smiled back, leaning down and pressing his lips to there’s. As he pulls back, he leans his forehead against theirs, and then whispered back, “I love you too, Honey.”

First time drawing Guy 🍕 and Honey 🍯, This was fun

[kirchefuchs]

Ooh! My brain's building up a whole daydream off my last one! (Alternate timeline to the CCRP turning Tinky human...or perhaps even something to happen after he manages to get his powers as a Lord in Black restored.) It's also building off the ask someone gave you about them attempting to hurt Ted to get to Tinky.

So like...imagine they figure a way to forcibly summon Tinky and manage to stick him in a cell with like some demon binding type stuff. Ted wakes up to Tinky missing, goes looking for him, (perhaps even given clues on where to look by Tinky just barely able to send him visions that end up being just brief flashes at a time.) Eventually he finds the labs below the CCRP building and helps Tinky break out. But just as it looks like they're home free, Kilgore and his men attack, restraining Ted and giving Tinky an ultimatum: Use his powers to help them or Ted dies. (Quite possibly with him phrasing it like "Send me back in time to help Jenny" or something along the lines of stopping what happened to her or seeing her one last time.)

Seeing Ted held at gun point, Tinky is of course horrified. Then very quickly pissed.

"You really wanna go back that badly? Fine...I'll send you back. As many times as you need..."

So he sends Kilgore back. Just at the moment of Jenny's accidental death. Right when he's too late to stop it. And he's forced to relive it in a time loop over and over. That is Tinky's revenge. That...is what happens to the toys Tinky *doesn't* like.

He makes sure his remaining men know his fate. He did technically fulfill his end of their deal, and sufficiently terrified them at the same time. Meaning they really had no choice but to let them go. Lest they suffer the same fate.

So it ends up being that they both save eachother. (Though Tinky's score is definitely higher just cause of how many deaths Ted ends up getting close to. Also I love the thought of a good version of Tinky becoming a guardian for this 'doomed by the narrative' family.) Plus... you know Ted would see him go feral to protect him and think it hot as hell.

I love this I love this I love this!!! I would read the heck out of a fanfiction with this plot!! So obviously I sketched the confrontation at the end, though I pretty much just did doodles of Tinky's monolog cuz I wanted an excuse to draw him with long hair a lot :3

(I think it'd be interesting if this were post him regaining his powers, so that's how ccrp was able to capture him in the first place. He was still getting used to having them back)

Tinky shifting from feral goblin to precious cinnamon roll amuses me a lot :))

I don't really know what else to say except this was super fun to draw, and I will be thinking about this idea a lot, lol

[fishrights69]

My Top 5 GARBAGE fish that suck

Here we go again. After receiving a very high ammount of notes!! (61 UwU) on the last fish list, here's another top 5 no one asked for. I've tried to use the reasoning of ''all fish are good'' but let's be honest, we'd be better off without these. 5. Monkfish🙏

So these things are weird as hell. Their ugliness alone landed them on this list. Not only are they ugly as shit, but they're also mean motherfuckers that eat basically anything. They like to cover themselves in mud and just chill there until something crosses their path which imo is fucking lazy. Some people do eat them as a delicacy apparently(ew?). Props to them for getting over the looks. Ugly/10 5/10 for laziness 4.Hairy Frog Fish💇‍♀️

If you wonder wtf are you looking at, this fish is the living embodiment of that feeling you get when you find hair in your food. This girlie loves to swallow as it's mouth can open to make space for fish almost twice her size so don't go sitting too close 💦 Still, it doesn't take away from the fact that she looks like a mistake. 4/10 appearance 8/10 for the deep throating skills 3. Goblin Shark 👺

First of all, these sharks look like if someone designed a fish based on a child's drawing of a shark. Instead of going the terrifying route and choosing one of these pictures, I opted for a derpy yet still creepy photo. Besides being quite good at ambushing prey, these dudes still tend to eat man made garbage which further argues their position on ''the garbage fish top5™''. They also are basically living fossils since they're old af and most of their body is atrophied. 3/10 appearance 6/10 for still living so long despite everything.

2.Bony-Eared Assfish🍑

This fish is for all ass obsessed fuckers. Grilling this baby and enjoying it counts as eating ass. Some cool facts about him: -The bony-eared assfish has the smallest brain-to-body weight ratio out of all vertebrates. -Assfish are soft and flabby with a light skeleton (so like a real ass) As for personality, they are not what I'd call assholes. They are quite sluggish as they prefer to sort of flap around with short bursts of energy instead of swim. They don't do much besides that which makes them a very underwhelming fish despite the sexy name :( Apparently they were given this name to make up for how utterly boring they are. 2/10 appearance 1/10 Interest in them or what they are good for (spoiler, nothing)

If you're a fish enthusiast, you probably know what's coming at nr.1 🥁 🥁 1. Ocean Sunfish☀️

There are far, faar too many reasons for this fish to be on the first spot. Not only are they the dumbest fish in the whole world, but they also are not good swimmers AT ALL (wtf is with these poorly designed fish who cannot swim??). Scientists are still perplexed at how this fish continues to stay alive. If you want more shitty facts about them, here's a link to a very famous post trashing these bitches. BUT, I have my very own reason to hate the sunfish. One cursed morning, I decided to go get educated about animals and visit Naturalis, a museum in Leiden, The Netherlands. I was having a blast looking at all the beautiful animals showcased, along with the cool facts and atmosphere. I excitedly get to the aquatic creatures floor and mesmerised, I try to take in all the beauty. At the long corridor nearing the exit, I look around admiring the fish that were displayed. Thinking I had seen it all, I move further when I turn a corner and out of nowhere.. . . . . . . . BAM

this GIANT motherfucker, hidden in a corner makes it's presence known. I'm not kidding when I say this thing is huge. Here's a picture of the replica from another angle for size reference. As you can guess, I was legit extremely spooked and actually screamed. :( 0/10 appearence 0/10 fuck this thing. useless and it gave me a heart attack

BONUS: I'm sorry but I think I've tortured myself and you enough, so to make up for it, here's a cute fishy instead: (take him)

Alright thanks for reading and follow for more fish content. Suggest me some more top5's I could do, be it fish related, or whatever your mind decides to curse me with. Still need to cleanse yours eyes? My top 5 coolest fish

[littlejuicebox]

I just want to stay in that lavender haze.

Pairing: Astarion x Original Female Character/Ranger AKA AstarionxWren Rating/Warnings: PG maybe 13?/ Act 1 Spoilers / Nudity / Sexual Tension / Gore / Angst / Anxiety / Cursing / Lae'zel being kind of a butthole Chapter number: Nine Word count: 3.9K Masterlist: Click here. Song inspiration: "Lavender Haze" - Taylor Swift Notes: I know only a few people read this series religiously but thank you! Wren and Astarion are my little lovely goobers and I'm glad at least one person loves them as much as I do. And I know my other work gets more attention, but this is my favorite storyline and I plan to continue writing it. That being said, if you do actually enjoy their story… I truly appreciate the comments on this fic and that’s what inspires me to keep writing them even though they don’t get as much traffic.

-----

After terminating the last few goblins, everyone recollected themselves outside of the dilapidated temple. A few healing potions were drunk, a couple of incantations were murmured and then the group turned to Wren with an expectant look, waiting for her next directive.

The half-elf woman never actually wanted to be a leader. But more than once, she’d had the damned role thrust upon her. It was becoming annoyingly, and unfortunately, apparent that this time would be no different. What was it about her that made everyone trust her judgement; why did they let her make the calls? Hadn’t Shadowheart been doing a fine job… couldn’t she just… keep doing it?

The tired little bird sighed, running her bloodied, callused hands through a mess of gut-splattered brunette hair as she looked towards the sky, quickly gauging the time. It was early evening by now. The last few rays of sunlight were glimmering upon the horizon as that soft blend of rose and orange began to melt into a deeper, star-speckled blue. The merry band of misfits had to accomplish two things at once by nightfall… so unfortunately, they would have to split up.

Wren rubbed at the jagged lightning bolt burns sneaking out from underneath her bracers; it hurt like hells. Her eyes glossed over the group as she took a deep, exhausted breath, and then muttered, “Well... I’m sure Halsin needs to get to Emerald Grove as soon as possible. Some of us should go with him and the others should swing by the bog to pack up camp and bring it all back to the Grove. We'll have to head out from there once we've all had some time to recover. Astarion and I will go with Halsin, the rest of you can pack up camp and then meet up with us.”

Lae’zel made it clear she disapproved of this call with a hissed, “Tchk! Why do we have to do all the grunt work, while you and your favorite vampire princess get the easier route.”

Astarion almost leapt forward to snap at insufferable woman, quite displeased with being called a princess. Before he could, Wren’s mouth hardened into a thin line at the challenge, and she quickly stepped closer to the Githyanki, tone dropped into an irritated hiss.

“You’ve been given more people than we have, Lae’zel. The Grove needed Halsin back yesterday, and Astarion is skilled at both downing and evading enemies… whatever we may happen to need along the way. The Archdruid can surely handle himself. As for the rest of you… Well, sorry to be the one to say it and to burst your little bubbles, but none of you aren’t quite as versatile as the two of us, and you all need one another to cover your weak spots. It isn't favoritism, it's pragmatism.

And as for me? I had my brain invaded and nearly fell to my death today… so no, I’m not interested in packing up camp and playing inventory manager right now. If that’s such a problem for you, Lae'zel, and you’re questioning my judgement, then leave my shit there for all I care. I have all I need in my pack... Or should I remind you, I'm not the one that insists on hauling a stone wheel all around Faerun when a simple whetstone would suffice?"

Wren and Lae'zel were roughly the same height; she stood nose to nose with the fighter, her two-toned eyes boring into angry reptilian ones. Gods, Wren was growing so tired of this. If no one else wanted to be the one to make the calls, then why was there always someone questioning her judgement?

“Oi, no worries, mate! I’ll take care of yours and Fangs’ stuff.” Karlach cut in, stepping between the two women, quick to try and ease the group tension. “Go on and we’ll meet you — the Grove has to be in an absolute state by now, what with Kagha and all her antics.”

Lae'zel spat at the ground and then spun away from Wren, and the two groups went their separate ways in silence.

-----

The short journey to Emerald Grove was a mostly quiet one. Astarion felt too mentally worn from all the revelations of the day to play the loquacious, flirtatious rake. Wren, on the other hand, felt absolutely shredded around the edges of both her psyche and her body.

The Druid and the ranger had a brief conversation about her father, but it soon became clear it wasn’t a subject Wren wanted to discuss for too long. She would trail off or become distracted during the conversation, her mind entirely elsewhere. Halsin graciously took the hint and let silence fall among the trio, chalking everything up to the exhaustion of such a tedious and gore filled day.

At the gates of Emerald Grove, many of the tieflings and a few of the druids welcomed the Archdruid with a chorus of ecstatic cheers. All three beings were ushered in with a smattering of hugs, thanks, and congratulations, which Wren numbly accepted and Astarion willingly played into. Halsin soon interrupted the small welcoming party and rushed to interrupt the ritual of thorns, unleashing a scary and very bear-like chastisement to all the participants. His thundering voice drew the attention of everyone in the grove, and Wren took the opportunity to quickly peel away from the scene.

Astarion’s eyes followed Wren as she headed towards where they’d rescued that Tiefling kid from the Harpies weeks ago. This was his chance; the other campmates weren’t around to stick their noses into his business. The vampire thought for a moment that he might try and use his body to lure information from her like a Harpy used their voice to lure tiefling children… and he quickly made his peace with that possibility. Whatever the method, the rogue had to act now, without the risk of outside interruptions. He had to pry some information out of Wren tonight.

The pale elf quickly trailed down the remaining stone steps while the other druids had their heads bowed, listening to Halsin's booming lecture. Silent steps led him around the curved pathway, down to the water bank. He thought he’d see Wren rinsing her hands and face, ridding them of filth or taking a small moment of silence to stargaze or smoke from that pilfered pipe. He truly didn’t expect to see a panicked little bird, tearing wildly her own armor, trying to rip it off. He stared dumbly at the wide-eyed and panting ranger, watching as she appeared to be in the middle of a battle with… well, herself.

Wren’s eyes snapped to Astarion, where he was frozen mid step, scarlet eyes assessing her hysterical movements. Suddenly, she called out in something between a strangled scream and a sob, shaking hands now pulling desperately at her chest plate, “Take it off! Take it off! Please!”

She fell to her knees, half in the sand, half in the water. Her hands ripped at the leather straps of her armor as she heaved. She sounded as if the weight of her armor were crushing her; she sounded as if she couldn't breathe.

Of course, she could breathe… she was speaking, after all. Astarion didn’t know what else to do but answer her pleading voice. So he moved forward, deft hands quickly unsnapping buckles and ripping leather pauldrons from the ranger’s shoulders. She gasped in relief, and without a word, nimble fingers moved down to snap off her chest plate and then quickly loosened the laces of her bracers.

His brow furrowed as he watched Wren’s face, still caked in goblin guts, with thin rivulets of tears streaming from her two-toned eyes. She clumsily slid her bracers off and threw them down into the sand. Wren was still heaving as she sank down into the earth and then suddenly, she was sobbing, her entire body shaking with the force of her cries.

Gods. This absolutely hadn’t been the plan; Astarion was, once again, totally out of his depth here. How did he keep getting caught in these ridiculous situations with her? None of this ever ran on any script he'd ever prepared for himself.

The rogue ran a stressed hand through his hair before he took a deep breath and kneeled beside her, placing his cold hands on either of her shoulders. “Darling, listen to me! Shut up, right now. Stop this instant or else the entire grove is going to be here staring at you in a few minutes and unless I’m horribly mistaken, you don’t want that. Wren, come on, that's enough!”

The ranger wasn’t listening; to be fair, Astarion couldn’t be sure she heard him in her current state. She was still crying -- well, wailing, really -- and the look in her eyes seemed a million miles away. He recognized that look, that feeling. It made his gut churn. The vampire began to panic; she needed to quiet down before this all became an even bigger spectacle, or worse, someone accused him of causing her pain.

“Darling! Wren! For gods sakes—“ The rogue snapped his eyes shut and plunged forward in a last-ditch effort. He smashed his always-cold lips into her always-warm ones, swallowing her insufferable cries, digging so tightly into her shoulders as if he were hoping to pull her out of her own mind with brute force.

They stayed frozen like this for several beats; time almost felt like it ground to a halt. Astarion could hear the half-elf woman’s heart thudding erratically in her chest and then, miraculously, slow itself to a steadier thrum. The vampire opened his eyes and pulled away to see the little bird staring dumbly at him, her perpetually berry-stained lips swollen from the crushing force of his mouth on hers. Wren blinked rapidly, but remained silent, before carefully lifting her hand out of the water and brushing it against her own lips.

“Apologies, darling, but I didn’t know what else to do. Now let’s get cleaned up and then we can chat about whatever is going on in that pretty but absolutely twisted head of yours.” Astarion murmured, quite ruffled, but still lifting himself to his feet and then holding out a hand to help the little bird up, as well.

The half-elf woman had apparently fallen selectively mute, but she nodded her head and followed the vampire as he dragged her back toward the grove circle.

He was still mad at her. Furious, really. He didn’t have all the words to explain why, but he felt she’d somehow been misleading or hiding things from him all along. But then again, hadn’t he been doing the same in so many ways? If he weren't outright lying, which he definitely had more than once, then wasn't he also concealing aspects of himself… just like she had? But somehow, despite the clear hypocrisy Astarion was aware of and chose to ignore, it still felt like a betrayal to him. And yet, even though she absolutely infuriated him… the way she looked in her panic plucked at his heartstrings and compelled him, beyond his better judgement, to comfort her.

Gods this was supposed to be easy. A nice, simple plan. But it grew increasingly complicated by the minute.

-----

Halsin kindly allowed Astarion and Wren access to his bedchamber. The bear of a man often preferred to bathe in the natural water source on the edge of the Grove, but he conveniently kept a tub for soaking within his personal chambers, more for his own rare moments of enjoyment.

“Thank the gods that the druid isn’t totally removed from society.” Astarion mumbled, after Halsin helped to fill the massive wooden tub with heated water and then politely saw himself out. He was about to have a lengthy conversation with Kagha… surely, they would hear the results later.

Wren hadn't uttered a single word, but she watched as the vampire moved around her, plucking jars from the shelf by the tub and sniffing them. Finally, he settled on one, and poured some of the milky contents into the tub, causing the water inside to turn a clouded haze of pale purple. Then, he spun to the little bird and clapped his hands in his signature, impatient chop-chop. “Well, come on then, darling. In you go."

Wren sat blinking at him, unmoving. Astarion scoffed and rolled his eyes, briskly moving toward the archer. “Little bird, surely you aren’t going to turn down the first real bath you’ve had in weeks and the only one you’ll get for who knows how long. Now enough of this. Arms up.”

The half-elf sighed and followed Astarion's order with heavy limbs. The vampire stripped her of everything besides her underwear and then tugged her with a bit of force, over to the tub. The rogue couldn’t help but admire the sinewy ripples of her back, and the freckles along her collarbone as he watched Wren remove her smallclothes and sink into the opaque tub of water.

The little bird closed her eyes and sighed as the comforting smell of lavender began to swirl around her. Wren allowed herself the smallest moment of bliss as she inhaled the relaxing tendrils of scented steam, but then she felt Astarion’s leg slipping into the bath with her and snapped her eyes open to stare at the silver-haired elf.

The man cocked an eyebrow as he assessed Wren’s wide, shocked eyes from where he faced her, now sunk chest deep in water, sitting on the opposite side of the tub. He huffed and leaned back in the bath as his long arms crossed resolutely.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re suddenly a prude now, little bird. This bath is more than big enough for the two of us, thanks to the behemoth it belongs to, and we’ve already seen one another completely nude and in the throes of ecstasy. So, if you think I’m going to pass up the only luxurious bath I might get in weeks, just because you’re naked and in a sour mood, you’re dead wrong.”

Wren chuckled; Astarion smirked in response at the first sign of her potentially improving mood. And then the ranger gave a good-natured eye roll before she shifted over just enough to make a bit of room for the rogue’s legs. But still, she didn’t speak.

The vampire occupied himself with dunking a sponge in water and wiping the grime off his own body. After that, he grabbed a small wooden cup off the bath tray and rinsed his hair; pale hands moved to scrub more of that milky liquid through his blood-flecked silver strands. Astarion closed his eyes and carefully rinsed again, inhaling the floral aroma and ensuring he felt no more suds remaining in his precious curled locks.

When the rogue’s lids fluttered open, the little bird had already moved to scrubbing her own body with a sponge. With his eyes closed, Astarion didn't see that she'd been staring at him, admiring his little smile and the way his hair looked weighed down by the water.

Wren flicked her gaze toward the vampire and sighed; her mouth opened as if she were about to speak, but then she sighed and shut it again. A few more minutes of silence passed, in which both beings simply welcomed the heat as it eased the soreness of overtired muscles.

Eventually, the ranger broke the silence, her voice still raw and scratchy from the earlier episode at the shoreline. The pale elf's eyes were closed as he lounged in the tub, but quickly snapped open when his pointed ears picked up her quiet, shaking voice.

“There are many pathways to and from the Underdark throughout Faerun. Kol was out with his friends, exploring one of those pathways. Unfortunately, they’d picked one that led to a cavern full of Phase Spiders… not unlike the one we encountered down that well.

We were out hunting when we heard their screams and went to investigate. By the time we downed the spiders, Kol was the only one alive… but barely.”

Astarion passed the cup to Wren as she spoke, and a few more seconds of silence passed as she rinsed and scrubbed her own hair with the lavender-scented solution. The elf watched from hooded, relaxed eyes as the water ran down the woman’s neck, languidly flowing down to that little spot at the crook where two faint pinpricks blended into a smattering of freckles, before finally trickling to where her breasts hid under the clouded tub of water.

“My father and the other elders wanted to leave Kol there to die… simply let nature take its course. But a few of the younger generation, including myself, begged them for mercy and they relented. Kol spent a week with us before he was well enough to go on his way and return to the Underdark. But he didn’t want to go. Life isn’t exactly great for male Drows in Menzoberranzan, especially not a second son, despite the Baenre name. So, he left a coded note in the cavern in case any of his other friends hoping to escape came looking for him... and then he was one of us.

Father considered Kol dead weight… he was softer, an artist… he would often draw me pictures of squirrels or other creatures. He was about average with a blade and terrible with a bow… but he was talented in other ways and surprisingly kind. I’d never met a man with a gentle, soft-hearted nature quite like him. And he pulled a softness out of myself that I’d shoved down and all but forgotten when my aunt brought me to my dad.

My father never wanted to be a parent, he remained unwed and unattached for that very reason, but I was an unexpected consequence of his actions and well… suffice to say I didn’t always have the most tender upbringing. Neither did Kol, but he honored his own nature despite that.

Anyway, my dad wanted me to marry Zahara, my first love… or one of the other warriors. His priority was to guarantee my safety and status within the clan. Either Zahara or I were going to be the next elder when one of the clan members passed… so it was the most pragmatic decision. But I was uninterested; so was she… we’d had our fun, but the romantic love just never stuck between us.

Against my father’s wishes, I snuck away with Kol... more than once. We sometimes journeyed down into the Underdark, and he showed me around very briefly. I suppose you've never been, but it’s beautiful down there, truly. We would never venture close to the city; he didn’t want to risk being caught… turning from Lolth is unthinkable and unacceptable in their culture. But I know he missed the beauty of the Underdark… he drew it all the time.

Father eventually relented and gave his blessing for Kol and me to be married. He knew I would leave and marry Kol on my own, settle down in some small hamlet or within a city, if it ever came down to it. So, we were married one beautiful autumn day, and we spent five years as husband and wife until his own kin found him.

They tracked us for days, waiting for the right opportunity. Kol was ambushed; they found him alone by the river near where we’d made camp. He was drawing, practically defenseless apart from a small dagger. I had been hunting not far away with the youngling group I’d been placed in charge of. I ran to the screams, but he was already gone when I got to him... Minthara was among them, she escaped… but one of her siblings and a two of her cousins were less lucky, in the end.”

Wren blinked away tears that were just beginning to form in her eyes as her voice cracked. She inhaled a shuttering breath through wobbling lips. Astarion watched the little lip scar that he was absolutely obsessed with as it trembled and fought back the urge to move forward and envelop it in a kiss.

The little bird dunked her lithe hands under the water and brought them back up to her face, wiping at the final specks of blood still stuck to her forehead and cheeks. She missed the spot near her eye, and Astarion leaned himself forward, lifting his hand to gently rub at the stubborn stain with his thumb. His eyebrows furrowed as he struggled to process all the information. And then, he stuck his foot in his mouth.

“So… when you said you downed two of house Baenre… it turns out you didn’t actually mean your own husband.” He murmured, his hand lingering a beat too long on her cheek.

“No! What?!” Wren snapped, her own eyebrows crinkling together as she pushed Astarion's hand away from her face.

Astarion rolled his eyes and huffed, leaning back again on his side of the tub. Part of him wanted to back off, but the more insolent and hurt part decided to double down. “Look, you've been quite mysterious about all this, and one can’t help but assume things, trying to make sense of it all. You’re hard to read!”

“Have you ever considered I’m not here like a book to be read?” The little bird snapped, suddenly lifting herself out of the bath. Streams of water trickled from her dark hair down her naked, freckled body. Astarion averted his gaze, suddenly quite aware he'd made another misstep and unwilling to piss Wren off further with his wandering eyes.

She climbed from the tub and snatched a towel from the shelf, wrapping it around herself before crouching and rustling through her bag. Then Wren quickly pulled her chemise from the sack and threw it over her head. When she turned and looked at Astarion, the expression on her face was a heartbreaking mixture of disappointment and sadness. She heaved a heavy, burdened sigh as she slipped her camp shoes on and shoved everything into her bag before grabbing it by one tattered strap.

“Astarion…” His name on her lips simultaneously sounded like a song and a slap, “If you’d ever bothered to actually ask me about myself… I would’ve told you the truth. I would’ve told you anything you wanted to know… if you’d just asked. I felt it, that night you pried into my mind, after the first time we kissed, you know. Why do you think you saw primarily nature scenes? That Wood Elf you kept seeing? It was a nightmare… not a memory.”

And then she walked out of the room, leaving Astarion alone and staring up at the ceiling. The vampire ran his hand through his hair and then groaned, dunking himself under the water’s lavender-scented, hazy surface. He closed his eyes, effectively cutting his senses off to the outside world. For a while, Astarion considered staying like this forever… he didn’t need to breathe, after all. Perhaps he could just hide in the tub, senses numb, all alone. Nobody would miss him or come looking for him here… that much was certain.

But soon the bath water started to grow cold, his fingers began to prune, and the rogue’s discomfort forced him to break through to the surface — and to reality — once again. He stood and shook his head, spraying scented droplets around the room before gathering his own towel and wrapping it around his waist. Astarion sighed and sat down on a bench, pinching his nose bridge as he wondered what in the hells he should do now. His body was clean, but his mind still felt riddled with debris.

Perhaps it hadn’t been Wren weaving a messy web around him… perhaps he’d been the one doing it to himself all along.

[puddleglum-draws]

Most trans people have incredible and interesting transition goals. My goblin brain has decided it wants me to be a basic ass autistic white man (Yes I know Columbo is Italian but he is a pseudo outlier here).

Like why. I love it tho. Default settings of a man. I just want to be a kept and predictably dressed guy. Dear goodness the autism is strong here but still. I’m a white passing Latino but my brain says well you kinda look like that so white man it is.

[isa-is-asleep]

Disclaimer for my sense of humor, did I tell you I grew up watching comedy theaters. Yeah that's why I can't go 5 seconds in a post without making an offhand joke because most theater humor is not kind. So sorry for that.

Alright so we have it like this:

Imagine you're a Moroccan woman, yeah couldn't be me. I'd rather be a dusty cloud....

But not the matter. You wanna shower and feel hell at the same time since you have adhd.

So you hit up your street shop owner and he hits you up with a soap like supplement called "Saboon Beldi"

Looks like this:

As far as my 5 second google search it says it's made with olive and black olive and is older than one county I can't mention.

And it's literally natural, beldi (بلدي) is a darija word (darija is an arabic slang that will make you lose brain cells, it's the worst best Arabic slang lol).

So you get that and your other girl thingys you use for showering. Idk tell me how y'all do hair care, I wanna grow mine, please 🥺.

And you go to your shower, and or the Public one if you want to shower with your friends if you have ones.

Don't be weirded out by that. Moroccan people (usually women) love these community type things, or just gossip. Yes definitely gossip.

I usually don't go, only when Forced with my brother.

Okay I should stop over sharing.

Now that out of the way, you spread that. I forgot the word for cream, you spread that black thing over you (with water ofc) sinc it makes the process of shedding dead skin easier.

Then you bring out the legendary, exotic Omega weapon that made many Morrocan children weep while getting the life scrubbed because their mothers certainly don't know how to fucking hold back. The glove of truth and power. The legendary Kharka (خرقة) !

Using the Black Glove of Darkness and The Black Concoction that smells way too nice for being made with oil. Seriously how tf did they do that.

You use it to scrub your entire body. Literally.

Can't get to your back? Well you little fucker why don't you just have someone do it for you. And free of Labor.

Isn't it fun?!

And then after 30 minutes or an hour since you're a woman and hair makes things harder if my ass that doesn't know shit knows about long hair shower difficulties is that it will take longer.

Or not cuz your adhd just says fuck it and speed run it.

And when all is finished. You see that the green dead skin or something (I still don't know what it is), you see that You've become the living embodiment of a tomato with how hot the shower and hard you scrubbed your Self.

You end it with doing the Normal shit like doing shampoo, shaving, using soap and the "normal" things you do in a shower.

You leave the shower half faint and in dire need of laying for half a day (seriously it's exhausting, except if you're not me I never get exhausted, just fatigued, wait...shit)

Then when you get your energy recharged. You feel way way better. Like seriously If it was east I'll do it everyday because it makes me feel new and shit but common it's tedious.

If you're interested in learning more Moroccan culture or just weird ass info in a weird humorous way than I am available (probably, if I am not that's cuz school)

Also pray for me that I can make coffee in secret tomorrow.

Goodbye Isa.

Owner of a hell calico cat is out

Also this.

I can't get this song out of my head, been listening to it for the entire day

https://youtu.be/Rec0a1UBz0Q

The black glove of darkness sounds painful, but your skin must be so smooth! Thank you for the bonus cat picture! Your little goblin is adorable

Good luck with the coffee!

[hotluncheddie]

stop being a goblin and let me kiss you

part 5

˚✧₊⁎ ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ⁎⁺˳✧༚

‘fucking steveeeee harrington. fucking i just like hearing you talk about it eddie. i like listening to you eddie. i’m actually amazing and perfect in every way eddie. no no don’t mind me i’ll just make your heart melt out of your ass with how sweet i am and then give you a boner like it’s nothing and then act like these are all none issues for you and you’ll live to see another day!’ eddie grumbles, kicking a rock into the dark recesses of the trailers underbelly.

he shoves his toe into the hole the rock left and glances back at steve’s idling car.

steve is looking somewhere distinctly below eddies eye-line, mouth a little slack. but when he notices eddie looking he perks up, waves like they haven't just spent the last four hours together, like eddie didn't just get out of his car.

fucking dork. you’ve fallen for a dork munson what is this? who are you?.. a fucking ex jock dork.. who listens… and is kind and hot.. and was just looking at your ass.

ugh. ugh!!

eddie stomps closer to the trailer.

the little angel version of himself appears on his shoulder. christ not this guy, always bad advice with this one. 'he likes you, you like him, what's the problem?' little angel eddies little white wings flutter, his little halo glints. eddie growls to himself, yeah what is the problem? maybe the problem is that it’s steve. it’s steve and we’re eddie and that just isn’t gonna fly!

thankfully the little devil version is on the other shoulder. now this is the guy he normally gets good advice from, stuff he can follow.

'the problem is that this is steve harrington'

exactly little devil eddie! 'exactly!'

'and he probably has a big dick and you do not know how to handle that.'

oh my god.

'oh my god' eddie mumbles, scrubbing and hand over his face, tugs at his hair. little devil eddie leans on his little pitchfork, making a very obscene hand and cheek gesture.

'better to big dick than not dick at all right?' angel eddie is not helping. not helping!! ‘plus it’s steve! we know steve! he’s nice!’

and eddie softens, arms slack at his side because yeah, steve is nice.

he thinks about how steve would come see him at the trailer all the time because he was always over at max’s helping. about how he really did mean it when eddie could rent on his employee account so they could watch together and save eddie the money. or how when eddie was in the hospital, all tubed up feeling like day old baloney, steve managed to pull a little smile out of wayne, asking him about eddie as a kid and who he’s rooting for in the series.

god, fucking, damn it!!

eddie takes a deep breath. rubs at his eyes so he sees the red goo of his brain.

…come on munson. we promised ourself. no more running.

whirling around eddie bounces on his toes, fist gripping the front of his tee. says a little too loud and a little strangled. ‘you don’t, uh, you don’t wanna come in for a bit do you?’

steve jumps, getting out the car and locking it quick, dipping to smooth his hair down in the side mirror before strolling over to eddie. he spins his keys around on one finger and follows eddie up the little stairs to the trailer door.

lifting one arm up to lean on the doorframe steve looks at eddie who is very interested in his shoes actually, could do with a clean soon.

‘this where the magic happens ed’s?’

that makes eddie look at him.

dumb, pretty boy.

eddie lifts his hand, flourishing it so it looks like he produced the door key from behind steve’s ear. ‘you were here two days ago steve.’

steve stands up straight, looking at the key in eddies hand. ‘how did u do that?’ he looks so serious eddie can’t help but snort.

‘cute.’ poking steve in the chest eddie opens the door, holding it open and sweeping his arm to let steve through first.

little angel eddie and devil eddie fly in front of his nose and high five. disappearing with a cartoon 'poof'.

eddie sighs. follows steve fucking Harrington inside.

˚✧₊⁎ ⁎⁺˳✧༚ ⁎⁺˳✧༚

part 1 (eddie) part 2 (steve) part 3 (eddie) part 4 (steve) part 6 (steve) part 7 (eddie)

(ty everyone who read this!! sorry that they won't be coming out consistently i am very much treating this as a fun thing to write when it comes to me so yeah. luv u mwah!)

[kindleaf]

Erlin, Albin for the obvious. Zirk for me. And as a curve ball. Also Luna.

[ask game] yayyyy so many :3c (under cut)

erlin:

how do i feel about this character?

gestures to my url. i'm normal. im literally normal. (favorite nadd character and maybe my favorite character ever. he's certainly up there.)

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

bev -w- truly no one else. no one else with bev either. no one can ever get involved with what they have going on at risk of their self esteem.

non-romantic pairings.

ofc egwene and erlin the siblings of all time forever. the most important guys. and then the rest of b-team obviously. him and hardwon make me cry. of course his other scoutmaster moonie as well. derlin. cran. probably ol cobb. i get weepy he has so many friends he's so LOVED...

unpopular opinion.

i'm a bev/erlin guy we all know this. and a large portion of his life is beverly and i love to discuss this i love to talk about the Themes And Motifs but i also think. maybe. both within the show and in fandom we could talk a little bit more about erlin and his desires outside of bev... we can look at his own tragedy as well... also he's gay. that's not unpopular i'm just saying it.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

B-TEAM BONDING. ON SCREEN B-TEAM BONDING. PLEASE ON SCREAM B-TEAM BONDING. "MY FATHER FIGURE" BRIAN MURPHY ELABORATE.

albin:

how do i feel about this character?

LOVE HIM. loser wizard guy my favorite c3 character hands down. he's so sad. kicks him.

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

sol! mainly sol. sometimes i play dolls with him and calder, grem, or swag but it's mainly for the Bit and the Drama and the Sexual Ennui.

non-romantic pairings.

ma goblin and him are literally LITERALLY best friends bark bark ruff bark. they make me so happy to think about. also i have pretty extensive headcanons about him hanging out with the waterpark kids (liddy, tully, etc.) and maybe have a comic in the works for it hehe but i like that. and then also winch and callie. i think they should be FRIENDS.

unpopular opinion.

they should treat him better in canon before i start aggressively subtweeting jake and emily on twitter. be fucking nice to him he's literally just helping you and calder STARTED it.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

i wish we had gotten to maybe see more flashbacks to launchpad with them in a more serious way? however the lizer fight flashback to albin crying out for help really does it for me i like that a LOT. i wish we'd maybe even gotten more of albin's story pre-launchpad but that's arcane knowledge that not even murph knows so. shrugs.

zirk:

how do i feel about this character?

i LIIIIKE zirk i think he's so interesting and fun. and ofc he's a blorbo in law. but i love alchemist characters by default and then ALSO he has mommy issues? let's fucking go.

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

uhhh not many? i don't really ship him but when people draw him with syb or henry i think that is a-okay!

non-romantic pairings.

him and fia. obviously. they are literally socialized together like kittens and they'll rip up your furniture if they're apart please do not separate. also i like your 🫵 zirk and hank jr stuff i think they should and could be friends even. also him and irina but that's mainly stuff i imagine in my brain. also i think him and tarragon could VIBE but i suppose we'll never know.

unpopular opinion.

hm. idk how unpopular this is with this certain audience but i literally hated the fucking through a bag scene so much. it sucks. it's not good. to me.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

i would eventually like to see some third mates on their boat in the future :-) just to see what they are up to post All That Bullshit. and also for some zirk and irina interactions.

luna:

how do i feel about this character?

LOVE HER i love her role in the crick arc and i love her scene with melora and i especially love that we get a little peek into how the chosen recruits members because i am so horrible fascinated by how they function as a cult militia. i love her she's awesome.

all the characters i ship romantically with them.

i think shipping her with apple scrumper is literally just fun. so apple scrumper. also not romantic but i think her and moonshine could have a casual thing. in wolf beast mode.

non-romantic pairings.

also her a moonshine as mentioned previously. i think her and hardwon potentially also good friends and then this is so random i think her and tess from the bastards of none could literally hang.

unpopular opinion.

despite her relatively small role in the grand scheme of things i don't think luna is forgettable at all! i think she even brings about one of the most iconic parts of the series early on with melora's "you weren't cursed. you were born that way." i like her very much i think she was the most fun a tertiary npc could be.

one thing i wish would happen/wish had happened in canon.

i can't really think of anything specific i think her arc was very well done. i wish she had gotten to maim barret brisden if this counts.

[vellichorom]

Hello Discord User Vellichorom AKA Twinkie AKA Velli AKA individual who’s character I love so much who has consumed my literal every day for the last year plus that I have not stopped thinking about (literally, over three hundred and sixty five days have gone buy and every single one of them I’ve had this man in my head, Vellichorom, do you know what you’ve done Vellichorom, you did this to me.) 

NOW I MAY BE UNHINGED ABOUT THIS MAN but how about I take a step back for a moment to just, talk about it? To discuss the absolute mastery I feel has been carefully and lovingly crafted into him? 

I’m really picky about the characters I like. Yeah I am fond of characters, I’ll like them and talk about them and whatever, but NOT ONCE has a character CONSUMED MY LITERAL BRAIN CELLS like Thierry has. Of course he has an amazing base to go off of, he IS THE NARRATOR, and I will admit that I absolutely ADORE TSP and all of the lore that has been crafted into him... but that alone was not enough for me to be purely interested in him for a long period of time (cough: see me not doing much tsp stuff aside from Thierry cough) 

The way that you have woven in every aspect of TSP and its canon into him, and then MADE IT EVEN BETTER AND MENTAL-ILLNESS-INDUCING has got me gripping the edge of my seat like a feral goblin every time you post literally ANYTHING about him ever. You blended TSP/TSPCC/adjacent lore together in a way that makes Thierry his own thing and also the perfect embodiment of the Narrator.

I have hyper fixations that wane and grow over time, things that I have enjoyed for long stints, but NEVER, EVER, Has there been ONE CHARACTER that has captured my attention so wholly. 

Looking at just him as a character, I adore the way you actually embrace and show off his flaws in a way that feels so human and also just like the weird fucking creature that The Narrator obviously is. You paid SO MUCH attention to detail and THAT SHOWS! IT DOES!! The Narrator is EGOTISTICAL, he is AN ASSHOLE, HE IS NOT PERFECT! EVER!I won’t shit on other people for wanting that for their own interpretations, but by god if you aren’t one of the like, two other people I’ve seen PERFECTLY capture that in his actions and behavior. You interpret the scenes in TSP/UD with such a nuanced and in depth eye with Thierry that I actually ENVY YOU FOR IT because I WANT TO DO THAT TOO. The expression of his ego balanced with his simultaneous self-loathing is just a perfect coat of icing on the proverbial cake. You miraculously made this man exactly as loveable and hateable as the straight up copy-pasted canon. I want him to suffer, and I love him so much, and I feel awful for him, and I think he’s an asshole. 

His relationship with Rosemary? Do I even HAVE to say anything? No, I don’t, but IM GOING TO. 

I seriously have never understood how you and Tomie so amazingly captured that Stanley/Narrator relationship through Gore/Guts in such an AWE INSPIRING, BEAUTIFUL, AND HORRIFIC way. Like, I genuinely do not know how to put into words the way that I absolutely ADORE this interpretation of it. The never ending spiral of desperation, need and reliance that the Narrator has on Stanley (and vice versa) is FLAWLESSLY executed and showcased with Rosemary/Thierry. I know I don’t really talk about Gogu as much as I talk about Thierry, but I have said it before and I will say it again, they are AMAZING, THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL, AND I CANNOT THINK OF ANY LITERALLY ANY NARRATOR X  RELATIONSHIP THAT PERFECTLY EXEMPLIFIES THE WAY THAT THE NARRATOR WOULD BE WITH SOMEONE, AND THE HORRORS THAT COME WITH IT. EVER. 

And the most amazing part is that you, YOU, a fucking EXCELLENT, BEAUTIFUL, TALENTED ARTIST, have made THE design ever. THE. DESIGN. EVER. No exceptions. OBVIOUSLY the enjoyment of a design of a character of such a nature is mostly up to personal taste, but for one second can we stand back and think about who the fuck we’re talking about? 

We can go based off of a few things:

His VA, Kevan Brighting: Mr. Brighting is a fat, old man. He has JOWLS, he has WRINKLES, he has WEIGHT not only to himself, but his voice. OBVIOUSLY not all VAs match their characters, but when you consider someone’s voice and the voice you assign TO a character, you usually want it to mimic that, and The voice that Mr. Brighting does for the Narrator is literally just that. And old, crotchety, fat british man. 

Specifically based on his Voice: Again, to piggy back off of what I was just saying, a character is meant to match the voice, you can hear the way he slightly slurs/mushes his words together, (which, by the way, if people didn’t know, slight lisps can be caused by more weight/fat being in the face! :D) You can hear him creaking around in his chair!

Based on context clues/general ideas of what the character is doing/does: The Narrator, as described in the game, is old (context clues people, context clues), codes/can create things using code, is not human (‘various human sensibilities’ gives that RIGHT away) and sits in a chair coding/reading shit most of the time. If anyone looks me in the eyes and tells me that a person who does that would not at least be heavy set, I will wack them with a stick. 

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID: this means that YOU MADE HIM! Look at him! Look at that man! It’s FUCKING HIM, ITS THE NARRATOR REAL! HE’S REALLL!!! I don’t give a flying fuck what my bias says, if I think of the Narrator I am going to think of someone that looks either like Kevan Brighting, or Thierry Ellis-Baker. There is no other thing for me. I can kinda smush other designs into it, and see it that way via The Square Hole /ref - but it will ALWAYS AND FOREVER be that. He’s an omnipresent voice that doesn’t show himself, when he’s not, he is NOT WEARING A SUIT. But he is FASHIONABLE, WHO is looking at him, seeing the fact that he wears a fucking fancy, flowing, stylish cardigan WITH A GOLD CHAIN, and saying NO He LOokS lIke A sLOb??? Because you are literally wrong, I would AND HAVE worn things that are LESS FANCY than that in professional settings. He’s wearing a turtleneck sweater, dress pants, and some comfy BUT PRESENTABLE shoes. If someone thinks he looks slobby they’re delusional. Like what do they think? That that old man should be wearing a suit for whatever fucking reason??? In his Office??? In his chair while sitting on his fat ass? (NOT TO SAY THAT HE CAN’T, AND I KNOW THIERRY HAS, AND CAN, AND WOULD IF HE NEEDED TO, BUT WHO ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH, ESPECIALLY WHEN CODING AND SHIT, WANTS TO WEAR A SUIT 24/7)  Also, tacking this on here at the end, you have helped SO much with my comfort with acknowledging my own body weight, accepting it, and liking myself more than literally anyone could ever have, and Thierry is a HUGE part of that for SO many reasons.

I love everything about him, Vellichorom, and it is of my humble opinion that everyone who does not and looks at him like he is anything less than what The Narrator is at his most basic, are dirty little liars who are jealous

TL;DR: Anyone who is disrespectful and disregards the expert care, craft, and love that has gone into Thierry lore and design wise can go and suck the fattest, dirtiest rock they find outside in a river, and report back to me in fourteen business days with their illnesses so I can laugh at them :)

Thank you for coming to my two+ page essay/TED Talk Uh... oh yeah this is an ask box... uh... what's your favorite fun fact about Thierry/Romary? :)

ujm jm, umm um that they love you

[gaybananabread]

⁠✧.*Are You Listening?*⁠.⁠✧

~Ehehehe the brain maggots won and I can’t say I’m upset by it (＾⩌＾). I’ve binged this show enough times to be put into all kinds of moods by these men, so I might as well write out my feelings. This is set right after S1 Ep. 7, so if you haven’t watched up to there, expect some spoilers! For anyone else who has pirate-based thought goblins, I hope you Enjoy!~

Lee: Edward

Ler: Stede

Summary: Stede goes on a small rant about what happened on their latest adventure, though Edward isn’t fully listening. When he notices this, he calls the man out, but is met with a rather fascinating reaction.

Warnings: mild Our Flag Means Death spoilers! This is a tickle fic, so if you don’t like that, scroll away!!

Bobbing with the current, the Revenge drifted peacefully through the sea. Most of the crew was on-deck, chatting and messing around in their moment of peace. However, in the captain’s quarters, two men relaxed, one info-dumping while the other thumbed through random numbers of Stede’s vast collection of novels.

“And did you see that bird’s nest? They had to be Snowy Plovers, no question. Oh, I wish Lucius had brought his sketching journal.”  Stede sighed dreamily, slowly pacing around the room as he spoke. 

Ed hummed, not looking up from the copy of Hansel and Grettle. Stede had allowed him to browse whatever he wanted in the library, though he rarely read anything cover-to-cover. The blonde man continued, not yet noticing his companion’s lack of attention.

“There were so many interesting creatures on that island! I mean, the orange was the real treasure in it all, but I do so enjoy exploring nature when we travel.” Turning on his heel, he spun to face the bearded man once again. “What do you think, Ed?” 

“Uh-huh, yeah. Good, uh, land and shit,” Edward half-heartedly replied, flipping a few more pages into the book. That’s when Stede finally noticed that he wasn’t really listening.

“Edward!” The pirate jolted, shutting the book and actually meeting Stede’s eyes. “You weren’t even listening to me, were you?” Stede huffed, crossing his arms with an almost adorable pout.

“Uh…kinda? I mean, I heard the bit about the birds…” Ed mumbled most of his response, looking away. Yeah, he’d only heard a few words of the other man’s spiel. “Fuckin’, uh…book was distracting.”

With a huff, Stede sat down beside him, picking up the book. “I’m glad you’re interested in literature, but I was talking. It’s a bit rude to ignore people, isn’t it?” While he was a bit annoyed, Stede’s tone was a joking one. He even poked the man’s ribs in a playful manner, though he hadn’t expected Ed’s flinch.

“Damn, did I hurt you?” Stede sounded worried, a profanity even slipping in. He was more panicked than a normal friend should’ve been, though neither commented on it. 

“No, didn’t hurt. Takes more than a fuckin’ finger to hurt me.” Ed swatted Stede’s hand away, his beard hiding the very slight blush on his cheeks. He hadn’t felt a touch like that since…well, it’d certainly been a while. “Just felt…I dunno, fuckin’ weird.” 

“Weird?” Stede spoke softly, his worry melding into confusion. What could possibly feel weird to Blackbeard? He’d only lightly poked the man, and his ribs aren’t…oh. Oh. It took everything Stede had to keep a straight face as he said his next words.

“Might your ribs be a bit sensitive, Ed?” 

Edward nearly did a double-take at the words and his tone, snapping his head in the other man’s direction. “Sensitive? I’m…I’m fuckin’ Blackbeard. Sensitivity doesn’t apply to me.”

Stede rolled his eyes. Yeah right… Stifling a smirk, the blonde slowly slid his hand towards Ed’s side. Before he could do anything, though, a rough hand snatched his wrist. Edward’s eyes met his, full of some unreadable emotion.

“Don’t. Don’t you fuckin’ dare, Bonnet.” His tone was gruff and dark, though the emotion in his eyes gained some depth. It was almost…giddy? The word felt foreign when describing Ed, though it fit to a tee.

“Hmmm…I think I fucking do.” Using his other hand, he squeezed Edward’s side. The feeling was such a shock that a damned giggle left the dread pirate’s mouth, his arms moving to clamp to his sides.

That sound made Stede’s stomach fill with a strange fluttering feeling—one he often felt around Edward. He decided to pursue it, scooting closer and wiggling his fingers into Ed’s stomach. 

The feeling wasn’t that intense through his layers of clothing, but it definitely still tickled. Biting his lip, Ed squirmed, trying to shove at Stede’s hands while still protecting himself. It should be noted, however, that he didn’t put up much of a real fight.

“My, Edward. I think someone’s a bit ticklish…” Stede chuckled, trying to slip his fingers under Ed’s arms. He’d had a small taste of the other man’s laughter, and had become hooked, He had to hear more. “I think it’d feel a bit nicer if you let out that laughter, Ed. Don’t you?”

When the eccentric man managed to wedge his fingers up to Ed’s ribs, the pirate knew he was done for. The dam broke, surprisingly bright giggles filling the quarters. They were still gruff, of course—still, the happy air was hard to ignore. 

“Oh dear. I think someone’s got a case of the giggles~” Stede cooed, one hand wiggling on the man’s ribs as the other poked and spidered on his belly. Was he pushing his luck? Oh, absolutely. It was, however, well worth it to see Ed’s silly smile.

 “F-fuhuhuck- Stehehede! Fuhuck ohohoff!” Twisting and wriggling around, Ed hid his face in his shoulder. The bearded man’s heavy boots skidded on the wooden floor, leaving small scuffs. Stede would deal with that later.

The feeling was…well, it wasn’t awful for Edward. He would never let the crew see him like that, of course; he had a reputation to maintain. With Stede, however, it felt nice to laugh. To let a few of his walls down without the fear of the mental rubble coming back to crush him. He wasn’t going to admit any of that, but it was true: his blush, however, was a different story.

“Well, I would, but I think I can see some pink underneath that salt and pepper of yours. Are you blushing, Eddy?” Stede used a slight nickname, his tone incredibly playful and teasing. He was determined to keep Ed giggling for as long as possible. 

“Screhehew youhu!” Edward tried arching his back, but that only freed his ribs up more. Slipping his fingers beneath Ed’s leather, Stede wiggled his fingers against the thinner fabric of his undershirt. That got quite the reaction.

“GRK- FAHAHAHAHA! FUHUHUCK YOUHUHUHU!” Ed’s bright giggles ramped up to loud, raucous laughter. A few snorts worked their way in, making Stede’s heart melt. Oh, how he loved that sound…

“I must say, this is a fine symphony. I’m loving all the onomatopoeias, and your laugh is so melodic!” Wanting to be a bit more mean, Stede hummed a lovely tune by Bach, pretending that his fellow seamen’s ribs and belly were piano keys. “I just love tickling the ivories, don’t you?”

The bearded man couldn’t respond, too lost in laughter to form a coherent sentence. While it was nice to laugh his cares away, he was starting to wear out. His throat was drying up, and his sides were starting to ache. He patted Stede’s wrist, managing to speak through his amusing cackles. “S-STAHAHAP! STEHEHEDE!”

Immediately, Stede pulled away, sensing Ed’s weariness. He didn’t want to push too much. “Goodness, Ed, I-I’m sorry. I got a bit carried away. Are you alright?”

Closing his eyes, Edward took a few deep and giggly breaths. He was certainly tired, but not to an uncomfortable degree. “Qu-quit worryin’... Takes mohore than a little laugh to knohock Blackbeard down.” The red hue on his cheeks slowly subsided, his giggles drying up. Ed recovered pretty quickly.

“Good, good,” Stede sighed, smiling softly. Finally noticing that his hands were still on Edward, he scooted away, blushing. Ed cut him off before he could make a fool of himself. 

“Ya know, it’s been a while since anyone’s had the balls to do somethin’ like that to me. Good on ya, Stede.” He clapped the blonde on the shoulder, though didn’t let go after. Instead, he flipped their positions, swiftly pinning Stede to the couch and nearly straddling him.

Ed made quick work of Stede’s resistance, even though there was hardly any to deal with. “There’s a reason for that, though. Wanna guess why?” He pinned the flamboyant man’s arms above his head without any hesitation. Stede couldn’t help the squeaky giggles that bubbled out of him, already squirming. He shook his head. Edward leaned down and whispered in his ear, scraggly beard hair tickling the poor man’s neck. He was in for a long evening...

“I always get my revenge~”

[goodomensafterdark]

GOAD Writer’s Guild Presents: Where We Begin And End, Ch. 1 & 2

Written by espresso_six_shots on our subreddit

Some of you may remember me as the goblin who speed-wrote a wildly unnecessary doppelbanger crack fic about David Tennant’s whisky ad. Well, it turns out I write other stuff too! I’m very excited to be sharing my first real fic here, in which I attempted to blend a touch of angst, a lot of fluff, and plenty of smut with some classic rom-com tropes for good measure.

Human AU with restaurant critic Aziraphale and restaurant owner Crowley! About 27k words total, I’m posting Chapters 1 and 2 now, Chapters 3 and 4 (Epilogue) next Tuesday!

A huge and very sincere thanks to u/pepper_bird, who provided invaluable beta-ing for this fic. I can say that this story is most definitely better for her help in spotting my mistakes both big and small. Any further crimes against syntax or semicolons are mine alone.

Where We Begin And End

Rating: Explicit

CW/TW: Aziraphale has some deep seated issues with self-esteem that fuel the angstier bits. Explicit sex featuring 🚨 Service Top Crowley 🚨

Summary: When writer and restaurant critic Aziraphale starts chatting with the handsome and captivating Crowley every weekend at the local pub, he thinks may have found the perfect distraction from a rather irritating situation at work, considering work is the one topic neither of them have ever broached.

Excerpt: He felt someone watching him before he looked up from his book and inadvertently made eye contact with the most stunningly attractive man he had ever seen. Aziraphale’s mouth lifted into a smile before he could stop himself when he took in the stranger’s lithe frame leaning up against the bar, as confident as anything, sipping from a tumbler filled with dark liquor and peering at him over the rims of a pair of round sunglasses. He schooled his expression and quickly diverted his attention back to the book in his hands the moment his brain uncharitably reminded him that a man like that had no business giving Aziraphale the time of day. He was probably looking at someone over his shoulder.

And so it was with no small amount of surprise that he discovered the man had splayed himself across the stool next to him and struck up an easy conversation.

After introductions, Aziraphale had gone for the most obvious source of small talk. “Well, Crowley, what do you do for a living?”

Crowley groaned. “Ugh, do we have to do that? Work is the last thing I want to think about right now. Tell me something more interesting. Like, why did you bring a book to the pub? Did you get lost on the way to the library? I believe there’s an old bookshop nearby, if you’d be more comfortable there.” His playful smirk suggested the comment was less a gibe and more of a harmless tease. Perhaps even a flirtatious tease?

Aziraphale still had no idea why this gorgeous creature was talking to him, but he knew better than to question it. “I brought a book in case there was no stimulating conversation to be found. I couldn’t have predicted that a mysterious tattooed man would stroll up and offer to buy me a drink.”

Read more on AO3!

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

The grove in Baldur's gate – About Archdruid Halsin

[Most of the book is exaggerated stories of heroic acts and sexual conquests with the cherry on top being defeating the elder brain with partner Tav and a series of misfits. Nothing you haven't read before. It speaks of the House of Grief and how it was turned into the grove of Baldur's gate, carefully curated by Archdruid Halsin and his partner. Nothing about it really interests you, until you get to the last chapter. Love and death – chapter written by Tav finished by... The name of the writer is scratched off but you see the first letter of the name resembling a V.]

He had been declining for a while but refused to say a word. I saw it in the way he needed to meditate after every social interaction he had, in the way he became more secluded, in the way he stopped spreading good advice. Time comes for all of us, but I was not ready for it to get to Halsin yet.  One night, just a week after my 350th birthday he sat me down in the backyard. He had lit a fire like he had done so many times, but this time he handed me a bottle of wine. Normally, we reserve alcohol for parties, preferring to drink tea instead. It surprised me, but I instantly knew what time it was. 

Halsin: "My heart, I am tired. I wish to rest my head under the grandfather tree and join my family once more."  

Tav: "My love, you know I will not hold you back. If you are tired, we shall make the journey."  

Halsin: "I had expected a bit more coercion."  

Tav: "Who am I to withhold what you want? Our hearts roam free and nature tells us when we may rest our heads. I am guessing that time is now for you."  

Halsin: "Using my words I see. My heart, if I may be so crude, are you not tired? You have done so much in so little time. I can only imagine how tired you are."  

Tav: "I am. I am more tired than I ever imagined I could be. But it is not my time yet."  

Halsin: "Then I will wait until you are ready. I cannot imagine entering the afterlife on my own."  

Tav: "Are you sure?"  

Halsin: "I think I have never been surer about anything."  

The following is a letter later found under the grandfather tree in the satchel of one of two skeletons laying intertwined. It seems Halsin kept his promise and stayed with his partner until they were ready.  

My heart,   Time has been cruel, more so to you than to me, and she has caught up with us. Though I wanted to lay down earlier, I do not regret a single moment I spend with you in wait for you to rest your head. You were my sun, my moon, my stars. You were the dewdrops on grass and the chirping melody of birds in the trees. Every time I look at you I see something different to love.  My love, with each day I loved you more and deciding I was too tired was the hardest decision I have ever made. Leaving you behind, the mere thought of it, filled me with dread but I knew it would be best for us. Yet, you brightened my days up once more and gave me energy to spend the last years by your side.  Nostalgic as I am, I remember the first time I saw you in that goblin camp. You cared for a dangerous creature more than you cared for the fear of having it attack you. At the time, I did not appreciate that gesture for what it was but after the Tiefling party my eyes began to wander, and I found myself admiring you more and more. Sadly, I could not let the task at hand go and I can only call myself the luckiest man alive for the mere fact that you were still interested in me.  You have given me the best years and I only hope you feel the same.  Now rest, my heart, you deserve it.   Love,   Halsin  

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