#the best never-ending cycle!!!
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Got off my butt and got this set of soon-to-be cowls/neck scarves, the purple tencel/cotton fabric and a set of reeeeally cute dishtowels all washed and in the process of drying.
Soon to be on the sewing machine!!
#finishing things is my achilles heel thank you adhd#gotta get shit done!!!!#get things listed!!!!#i need money to make more things!!!!!#the best never-ending cycle!!!#fibercraft#weaving#handcraft#handweaving#handwoven#loom weaving
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consumed by the inevitable
#messyr#you know- I kept thinking: One day. The cage will be open but I feel like I'll stay. Because if I run- I'd wind up dead from their bullet#so I just- tend to- follow as much as I want to rebel and put sense into this fuckass household. I hate seeing the others in pain as well#and it hurts more that it feels like I can NEVER be the one to break this cycle of abuse- when I knew from the start- when I knew too much#but here I am ending up like the rest of them- helpless and unable to do jackshit about the situation. I cant say or do anything at all!#I dont want to end up like them- if anything I want to BREATHE- i want all of us to LIVE without this pain that has existed for generations#I want to help so bad no matter how much I know I am unloved.#no matter how much hate i carry- no matter how much burden- Underneath it all- I'm devoted to them- that's how fucked up I am#i know i'll never be enough. I know how often I think of death and wish it.#But I have a dream to achieve and I am not planning to die until I reach it. Not yet. If pain is where I strive best then so be it.#doodle#vent art#artists on tumblr#bpd#toxic behavior#learned helplessness
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akatsuki tarot official merch has been dwelling in (the hermit tower of) my mind.
#kakuhida#kakuzu#hidan#my art#naruto#akatsuki#truly like two best major arcana picks#death is never the end just a beginnng of a new cycle and for a hermit it's the end of being home alone on a friday night#kakuzu romanticizing his self-imposed solitude: 🕯️ hidan: im about to enter his life and end his solitude: 😂
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doomed tragic yaoi is all fun and games until you start pondering the Life They Could’ve Had
#I’m emo over it alright#they would’ve been the worst ever parents but also the absolute best#wilson would’ve been such a great PTA dad he’d get invited to all the events#and the entire committee would’ve had a restraining order against house after he attempts to sabotage the 4 millionth competition#in favour of their kid#AUUUUURGGGHHHH#I know that they emphasised how Wilson wasn’t ready or stable enough to be a father#but he never really let go of that vision#and house was so good with rachel :(#they could’ve fostered traumatised kids and broken the cycle#I’m just being delusional atp#but they deserved the bbc johnlock domestic fathers ending#we deserve a soft epilogue#and whatnot.#house md#greg house#gregory house#hilson#james wilson#house/wilson#hatecrimes md
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Hey my friend has a question but is too much of a pussy(/aff) to ask you.
great question !!!! i love when peope ask me things abour my characyers i want everhone to know rhat they can and should ALWAYS send me asks about this because i love asks and they keeo this accounr foing actually so .. swnd me any ask whenever ..
im guessing the question means a priesr doing a protefrion spell for demon ragatba and demon pomni ? whoxh is a great question ! but, unfortunately for them, it woukd not work !! if a priest were to even try and attempt to do a protection agaonsr demons for demon ragatha and demon pomno, it woukd hurt then sinxe tjey are both demons and the pfayer was done with intent to hurt demons. even if its intention was NOT to hurt demon ragayha and demon pomni. canr really be too specfic with them, youknow ? unfortunately for demons, they dont ger any prayers rjat protects tjem from muxh of anytjong really so the prayer WOULD hurt demon ragatha and demon pomni as they are both demons and the prayer was said to hurt demons, hope that answers your question 👍
ALOS THE LUCIFER THING YOU GOT IT YES !! i lpved the vulnerabiliy powrr of lucifer that was really interesting to me and when i first watxhed ir like 2 or 3 years ago i have always wnated to make a characyer woth that same thing .. i wanted to develop that i thoifht that was really roamntic actually .. also the desore thing lucjfer is the BEST its such a good show 6 amaizng seasons
#demon x nun au#demon ragatha#once again im talking about hoe much i hate the ending of lucifer#taht fucking sucked actually#i domt CARE if maybe it was important to the story and characyer deblopment or soem fucking bullshit#imagone groiwng up woth no father and thinking you werent loved because he was mevere there for you#only to have a chikd and do the exact same thing to her#that was an asshole mlve actualy#i think the cycle shoukd have stopped#why was he given a responsibiloty he never actually wnated in the first palce jusr because he was best suiyed for ir#that was stupid and i just choose to not agree wirh ir or believe iy happened#fuxking hated tjat
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God this hurts.
#I get super self conscious when I hardly talk too#like I feel like if I stay quiet too long or don’t engage I come off disinterested or disrespectful#I get nervous when I have to talk some times#I just find it easier to listen#I do my best to try and respond or ask questions or provide positive feedback#positive feedback should be encouraging so the speaker doesn’t also feel self conscious#it’s a never ending cycle
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The strongest warriors are those that love botw but don't ship zelink (me its me I'm the strongest warrior)
#*points at botw link* the boy is aroace and theres nothing you could say or do that'll convince me otherwise#(boy in an incredibly nonbinary way btw. hes also nonbinary to me and i cant be convinced otherwise of that either)#tbh? I generally dont ship zelink lol idk its never appealed to me like i never *got* it?#with the exception of skyward sword zelink but thats becos ur invested from the start w/ those two#and link isnt a knight so he isnt bound by obligated--thats just his best friend!!!!#and maybe he didn't have feelings at first but after all that shit went down and theres the threat of him losing her#(and vice versa on Zelda's end) it puts things into perspective...they cant and dont want to fathom a world without the other#honestly i read it both as romance and transcending the confines of romance#(which i suppose suits two characters whose souls/spirits are doomed to reincarnate every cycle lol)#but anyways#maybe also spirit tracks zelink. sometimes! it depends on my mood#spirit tracks arguably (and i will argue) has the best developed zelda so that definitely contributes#becos as much as i love botw and like totk. they really pissed on zelda's character...especially in totk#spirit tracks zelda is much more fleshed out and complete im gonna be real w/ u#again w/ her and link theyve been through shit together and although they werent friends to start like ss link and zelda#they grow into it and eventually become incredibly close so sometimes i read it as romance#but otherwise yeah. not a huge zelink fan!#botw link is much more interested in food than romance and of that isn't the most stereotypical ace thing than idk what is#scout.txt
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I think the "Billy should ditch the boar" takes comes from AM being the one route that breaks their self-insert fantasy. Flamey and Emile doing their stuff and the Jerry thing etc do not matter bcs its not being directly mean to YOU, the player, in YOUR story. Edel-chan is a very sad and traumatized girl that will ALWAYS love YOU no matter what you do and she will doodle YOU and squeak about rats n stuff, but you don't have to actually deal with any of her supposed trauma in a realistic way (+)
(cont) She will always be fine and ready to gush after you, the trauma is only a plot device to make her wary of other people that aren't you, and be attached to only you. What she does to randoms doesn't matter as long as she's nice to you. But the evil european barbarian boar dares to actually show his trauma and negative emotions around you, and make you uncomfy, and bring any sort of realism to your fantasy! how dare he! Not only that, but he admits he didn't like you at the beginning!!!(+) (cont) you, the player, isn't above other characters when it comes to him being rude because of his trauma and mental illness, and the story dares to show your avatar feeling sad and powerless instead of badass and cool. He won't listen to you until another character opens his eyes first, and even if you marry him he's still hearing voices and struggling with his issues, your love won't cure him!! Not only that, but AM is his story, not yours! (+) (cont) It relegates your self-insert to a supportive deuteragonist instead of the main hero the plot centers around. He will become The King and you will be just a religious leader, following the footsteps of the Evil Lizard Lady!! Obviously you don't want that!! this is your story, where you can dump all your anti-church IRL arguments into, and be a super cool baddass mercenary who never has to deal with negative emotions!! And that's why AM is the only FE16 route where I actually like Billy.
Sorry anon for the tardiness of the reply!
Yep, I feel like for both Dee and the evil lizard lady, at one point, they are unhappy/upset/angry and more or less negative at Billy - who is, in this situation, taken as the player.
I remember during the heights of 2020-2021 discourse people sending asks to other asking how can they like Rhea bcs she was meant to "u" and whatnot, and it's just... Self-insert at its finest?
But Billy - the character we see in Nopes, FEH and FE17, wouldn't feel like the player in those instances (because Billy the character would never pick the "uwu" option in the Holy Tomb, and Billy the character would understand and/or at least get how Dimitri doesn't want to talk right now) - so again, it's the same old question, who is Billy? An empty self insert who feels a lot of sad uwus when Rhea threatens to rip their heart out as they assist and support who swore to kill her because her ears are pointy and cries whenever Dimitri doesn't want to talk to them, or is Billy the character we see in other games, who shows more empathy and tries to understand people, and thus, wouldn't have been able to pick a certain route in FE16?
Lol I just remember now how some people didn't like Cyril or even Seteth because they didn't slobber over Billy - as the self-insert - in their first 5 lines unlike the rest of the cast ^^
Granted, this "YOU must be the most important person EVER" comes back in full force with the S-supports (tfw seteth doesn't mention his family to billy when they hold hands) and it reiterates something I always knew : Avatars were a mistake.
Parasocial maybe saved the franchise from turning into another F-Zero like saga, but damn if it nuked a lot in the process (and by, a lot, i mean coherence and characters networks).
#anon#replies#sorry i'm late lol#FE16#But yes to everything you said#AM is Dimitri's story as he learns to rely on people and not exclusively on u#meanwhile Claude who is supposed to open up to people spends most of time talking to you about his dreams than to talk the deers#and given how FE16 Billy isn't allowed to be a character and thus must always be static or nod#there are no interactions#i mean if billy was uwu me#the second clout said uwu church isolationism uwu new values that don't exclude people for being different#i'd say he's full of shit because those have never been the CoS's values and motto#AM Billy is a guide but doesn't push Dimitri#Dimitri follows the path himself because that's what he wants to#after he opened up to his friends who were always by his side#tbh as the game presents it AM is the second coming of post WoH Seiros and Willy#even without the hand holding it was supposed to end like this#but it went haywire and since Fodlan apparently loves its cycles#a world without Billy at its head is per this game not the best thing ever#but tbh I prefer this end to SS
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i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard
#right now its danganronpa again grin. did u know ive been into it on and off for lets say 7 years at this point#and ive never once played it myself. i have it installed on this laptop ready to go and i just! never open it!#because if Im the one playing it then i have to pay attention and i get scared#but if im watching a lets player i just naturally pay attention without the pressure#ive talked before how i always feel i need to have the smart cool takes on shit#n this deep plays into that#idk boti was good for me bcos nobody fucking knew what it was so nobody could judge me for pardoning anotsu's crimes bcos he was hot#so i probs need to do that again#yknow a thing where i disconnect from anything that anyone knows about and get really really into some dipshit manga from 2008#but also like. i get a lot of my media recs from people talking abt what they like#which then means i defacto have someone who is gonna know if my takes are shit#and like even now. im watching mop cycle w dri and im having fun w it#but i feel bad bcos i see so many ppl like This Is The Best Anime Ever and i just like. dont get it#like i can actively feel the messages and shit whooshing over my head#its a fine anime! i'm having fun watching it! but i don't get all the commentary abt pacifism or whatever#idk. something something my need to be The Smart Kid The Bookworm Kid that went unchecked too long without peers to challenge me#so now im here like Uh Oh#and like this wouldnt be the end of the world (save for its impact on my mood n stuff)#but also like. i am an english student. i should know this shit. but i stragiht up do not feel smart enough to sometimes#i keep coasting by on the assumption that im a smart kid and i'll automatically be better than my peers#and im being disproven#i got an english exam back tonight and i got like 63%#and i like college! i just dont like. college.#anywho its approaching 3am and i have a 9am tomorrow morning which means bedtime
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it’s been a long time since a piece of media made me cry and it doesn’t happen often but here we are
#Just saw all the endings and got all the achievements for slay the princess#what a fucking roller coaster I’m never gonna be the same#I think this is another case like ooe where I experienced it at the exact correct time for peak emotional impact#because I am ruined#Rn mostly because I did the best version of the thorn last#the way you can only get the best outcome after you’ve seen each other at your worst and despite that ending the cycle of violence#weeping#not that I have anything against violence huge fan of whatever the fuck the stubborn and the adversary have going on#sigh. what the fuck do I do with myself now how am i supposed to be normal
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How/Who is Capers next mechanic after Sparrows? Did Sparrow leave anything behind for the next mechanic?
probably some poor ass higher circle twink that has No fuckin idea why this supposedly cheery happy-go-lucky Iterator is so dark and brooding and depressed. and (after Sparrows dies, cuz the 3rd would come in Ways before that) why is the energy constantly FUCKIN fluctuating, this instability is HARDLY fuckin HEALTHY what the HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE
he would have some meetings with Sparrows so she could give him some pointers, explain how certain Euros-specific things work (Euros Is build to be the Phone Operator Chief n all that so his comm systems are special), where she left off when it comes to perfecting the structure and prolly would tell him a little about who Euros as a person is as well. the meetings wouldn't be that plentiful or fruitful later down the line since she.. starts going senile and all that
Sparrows leaves behind a trainwreck of a man (physically absolutely Great condition, but oh gods the feels) so the 3rd Mechanic has to somehow deal with That all by himself. which is hard cuz Euros won't talk about it with some stranger that cannot be trusted with their secret. the 3rd is probably kind enough, genuinely worried, but still kind of a prick n not nearly as empathetic, humble and casual as Sparrows was. i imagine him with a nasal voice and a "uhhh.... actually-???" attitude most of the time
#Spot says stuff#rw#at the end of it all it's not even him who really begins Euros' healing process. that would be Brook#despite being out of the respawn cycle at that point she does her best to recall all the secret harder-to-travel-thru access points-#-of Euros' structure that Sparrows def showed her when they were much younger- if only to hide under his panels and wires in the legs from-#-whatever beasts roaming the lands- and manages to sneak her way all the way to his puppet chamber. where she comforts him and stays-#-with him a while n then they talk about Sparrows being gone and the faked crypt n all that.... and he starts to slowly heal#the 3rd mechanic cant explain how thats possible cuz he never finds out about Brooks stay so he ends up taking the credit for it 🙄
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i need to tell my roommate abt the harsh vile lashon hara that wld make me chayiv arbah misos bais din meme immediately bc it's literally us but they're reform & it would take so much explaining that i cant do over text but we dont call bc. we r not those sort of people.
#well actually it's not THAT hard to explain tbh#sigh. the cycle of 'let's never yap again that was horrible' 'wanna hear this insane thing that person said today'#it's bc there is one person in our life that we cant not yap abt. like shes just a bad person. but we accidentally ended up as friends#& we cant avoid/unfriend her bc we're in all the same spaces all the time#so we end up having to experience & witness things & then try so hard to not yap.#at the same time it is nice to have something to work on urself w ur best friend that u live with. u notice when ur being ur best selves#we will NOT be chayiv arbah misos bais din
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the way my heart sank . lol
#tried to get on a call to study w my gf bc weve both been avoiding stuff we Have to do and its been making us anxious#but esp her bc shes been in this cycle for a while and shes struggling w it a lot . and i love her and i want the best for her#and all my friends r like u should push each other to do better even if its uncomfortable somewhat and i agree#so we were like. yh lets do stuff / get on our work tmrw even tho its anxiety-inducing etc...and then we got on a call#and this is the most like. bored/displeased ive ever heard her sound like she seemed extremely disinterested and even mildly irritated#and it honestly shocked me ??? so i ended the call bc i need to do work and it was making me sad#and im trying to listen to words more than tone but it was so extreme and such a sudden change that it literally wasnt good for me . im so#confused rn . like ik facing tasks youve been avoiding for months causes anxiety ik theres like a mental block around it that makes u not#want to deal w it or become irritated at ppl who suggest that you should#but omg?? it was so weird and like. when i said she was making me sad so i wanted to end the call she was like. ok 😐#which is a fair response ig but shes never responded to me that way b4...like what is this what is happening...#i want smn who encourages me to move forward and who appreciated that i want them to do the same#instead of staying stagnant and anxious for months. i talked abt this before on here and everyone collectively was like Be More Patient and#work through it w her etc etc (my friends said the exact opposite tho) and i have been Trying To but its making me feel actively . bad.#like. im Afraid.#to bring it up . and then when i finally did say yh lets do smth lets get thru this tgth she just shut down on me somehow#idk what else i can do#i will talk to her abt it later i just need to work rn. i had to get this out of my system first.#shes so sweet and wonderful and supportive usually. but when it comes to thsi topic. im rly shocked idk#i knew she felt bad abt it but i thought she agreed to move through it w me and i didnt expect her to direct it at me#like whatever i said shed give me the coldest ok 😐. like. again nothing inherently wrong w that but when contrasted w#the way she talks to me usually there IS smth wrong it . its jarring and uncomfortable and made me rly upset bc it felt like she was mad at#me for trying to help . idk#UGH whatever ill talk 2 her later i have to do this lecture itll help distract me
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WHOEVER REQUESTED "I (NANAMI) BET ON LOSING DOGS X LOSING DOG (READER)... it's coming tonight and it's kinda angsty, idk, maybe hehe
#unrequited love????????#as in nanami is ur coworker and u#tw domestic abuse (implied and discussed in the fic not explicitly shown)#have an abusive husband#and nanami is comforting u#but it's the same cycle bc he knows u will never leave ur husband#and it's abt the yearning#but it's also abt wanting what's best for someone u love#and even if u don't end up w him he doesn't care he would much rather just see u leave ur spouse n thrive#but u never do and he's just there by ur side constantly patching u up
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oh with my 26th birthday coming up its about to be the 10 year anniversary of the best part of my life coming to a crashing end. huh. huh.
#i guess you could say it’s a traumaversary but it’s not like it was One event#it was the start of a trauma cycle#that i guess only just recently ended. maybe#idk it’s been over a year since the last incident#which is the best streak we’ve had since the first one in 2013#with addiction like this it’ll never REALLY be over#but maybe it being a cyclical reoccuring trauma is over#we’ll see if we can make it through the fall#fall and october specifically is the biggest worry time#txt#vent //
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how do i ask someone "hey. did you vaguepost about me in the year of our lord 2023. be honest" without coming off as the paranoid desperate creep i actually am
#i mean ig in that post i am also vagueposting. the cycle never ends..#*I'm not actually looking for a way to ask. dropping it is probably the best course of action. but my brain is very itchy rn i gotta admit
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