#the andorian incident

[sshbpodcast]

Character Spotlight: Jonathan Archer

By Ames

Just when you thought we were done with Enterprise, our character spotlight series returns somehow! And if our full watch of the series assured us of anything, it’s that Cap’n Jonathan Archer is an angry, ill-prepared, conceited, racist, little nepobaby. Now sometimes, that’s perfectly in character for a prequel series about confronting our first stumbling blocks into space exploration. And sometimes, it’s agonizing to watch how humans as a species were represented by a man who made the worst choices you could make, and then patted himself on the back about it.

But I’m getting ahead of myself! Your hosts here at A Star to Steer Her By can always find something that Archer did to gripe about. And even a couple moments we didn’t hate his guts. Check them all out below and listen to our diatribe on this week’s podcast (jump in time to 1:00:09) as we peruse the actions of our first Enterprise captain. Now back in the pool for some water polo!

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

Torturing prisoners = bad! I laugh because this sentiment will be entirely contradicted when we get to season three, but Archer starts out in “Fortunate Son” advocating NOT capturing and torturing pirates. The bar was low for us back in season one, and Archer meets it when he tells Mayweather that humans should display proper ethics in situations like the Fortunate’s dealings with Nausicaans.

T’Pol’s had enough of your help. Stay away from her. After spending much of season one racially profiling every Vulcan he meets (more on that in the next segment), Archer meets a Vulcan that everyone is right to hate in “Fusion.” While he is way too quick to trust the V’tosh ka’tur just because they like having emotions, Archer deserves some credit for believing T’Pol about her assault and letting Tolaris have it, that asshole!

Now is not the time for British gumption Archer may be the extrovert that makes us introverts uncomfortable, but it actually pays off in “Minefield”! Reed is pinned in the leg, and the captain is able to deal with both disarming the Romulan mine AND keeping his security chief alive when he is fully prepared to martyr himself at the drop of a hat. Their smalltalk keeps the tension in check and Reed mostly lucid.

How much is that doggy in the incubator? One sympathetic trait that the writers were wise to build into the Archer character is his love for Porthos. It’s easy to connect with a dog person, so Archer is at his most humanized during “A Night in Sickbay” when all he wants is to be with Porthos during the beagle’s time of need. The rest of that episode, not so much, but how much he cares for his puppy is lovely.

What if we trap them in an elevator together? Because Enterprise is a prequel, we know very well that Humans, Andorian, and Vulcans (and Tellarites eventually) will get along well enough to found the Federation. But right now, it’s baby steps and Archer’s goal is to just get them in a room together without actively killing each other in “Cease Fire.” So major kudos for getting Shran and Soval into a conference room.

The House of Duras is without honor We gave Worf credit back when he did a similar thing back in “Reunion,” so we’ll have to count this one for Archer as well, and that’s killing the hell out of Duras. That whole Klingon line is just no good, so when Archer blows his ship to high hell in “The Expanse,” we are very pleased. The only good Duras is a Duras blown to high hell.

I’m not leaving you In a spur-of-the-moment decision, Archer saves T’Pol from a wave of some anomaly or other in “Twilight,” even after she told him to save himself (or perhaps because he’s just so used to doing the opposite of everything she says). We learn non-chronologically that the anomaly that hits him because of this causes his anterograde amnesia, but it was nice of him to help his XO.

You wanted to kill someone, kill me Not only does it take responsibility and honor to sacrifice himself when the Triannons force them to adhere to their dumb justice system in “Chosen Ream,” but it turns out to be a ruse when Archer tricks them into thinking the transporter is a disintegration device that kills people. Fools, it’s only that some of the time! We commend Archer for his really clever thinking!

We’re talking about a one-way trip Speaking of Archer taking responsibility when the going gets tough, he is fully prepared to kamikaze the Xindi weapon in “Azati Prime,” even after both Mayweather and Trip have offered to do it (I guess Reed was out of earshot or he’d’ve begged to do it too). We’ll talk in a second about how bad of an idea this was, but hell, he was ready to get blown up to save humanity.

If that’s what it takes to be advanced, I don’t want any part of it You’ve got to love when a captain calls out another race for absolutely bullshit behavior, and Archer is fully righteous when he tears the Organians a new asshole for treating other species like test subjects in “Observer Effect.” Plus, yet again he is ready to sacrifice himself for crewmates when he exposes himself to the contagion to try to save Trip.

Loop-de-loop hole Archer is again attempting diplomacy in getting the Andorians and Tellarites in a room together without killing each other (this sounds familiar), and volunteers himself to duel in the Ushaan in “United.” It all conveniently works out because for some reason this fight to the death has enough loopholes in it to scare off a trypophobe. But it’s nice of Archer not to kill Shran.

The final frontier begins in this hall. Let’s explore it together. Finally, the two-parter “Demons” and “Terra Prime” really succeeds at reminding us that we all need to overcome our prejudices and malice if we want to make our ways in the universe. Archer sums the whole thing up after defeating Paxton and his Terra Prime cult members. His speech at the end of “Terra Prime” really should have been what the whole show finale’d on.

—

Worst moments

What’s all that mean anyway? You know I have to include Archer’s constant xenophobia against Vulcans because it really colored my perception of the captain, and “The Andorian Incident” is emblematic of that. Out of sheer racism, he forces T’Pol to bring him to P’Jem after she advises against it, makes a terrible impression on the monk who’s only doing his job, and then wrecks up the chapel room to expose an Andorian. Maybe ask first, dingbat.

Correction, sir, that’s blown out We also just had to include this early example of just awful acting out of Scott Bakula. Though the bay is being rapidly decompressed, Archer somehow drapes himself over a railing and dangles over the side during his fight with Silik in “Cold Front.” Was he in any danger? Did he expel all the air from his lungs? Were there any consequences to being in vacuum? Who knows.

Someday my people are going to come up with some sort of a doctrine This one will surely come up again in our Phlox character spotlight, but it was Archer’s word to permit the genocide by inaction in “Dear Doctor.” Not only is it morally reprehensible to wash their hands of the fate of the Valakians, but the science that Phlox easily convinces Archer is emphatically wrong. And the Prime Directive reference? The turd on top of this shit sundae.

What else should I be? All apologies. Though we commended Jonathan for his devotion to Porthos in “A Night in Sickbay,” for the rest of the episode he’s an absolute pissant. All the Kreetassans want is for him to apologize for defiling their sacred tree with Porthos’s piss. You’d think he’d not have brought his filthy dog to their sacred site in the first place, but to act like such a prick about it is even more pathetic.

On my world, when someone asks for asylum it has to be given serious consideration We’ve struggled with the messaging of “Cogenitor” from the get go, and apparently so has Archer. Charles requests asylum from the Starfleet crew and Archer forces them off the ship instead, back into the hands of their oppressive culture. And then Archer screams (screams!) at Trip about violating the non-existent Prime Directive. And he’s supposed to be right?

Torturing prisoners = good? Most of Archer’s bad moments are rightly coming from season 3, an absolutely drek collection of episodes, and it immediately goes south in “Anomaly.” This is Archer’s first foray into torturing people, as he throws Orgoth, the Osaarian prisoner, into an airlock and threatens to space him just to get information. And the cap’n’s actions will only get worse from here…

These are Trip’s quarters It’s a controversial choice for Archer to allow the simbiot to be created in the first place in “Similitude” just to harvest his organs. But that’s mostly a Phlox fault. What we’re harping on here is how terribly Archer treats Sim. Again, he screams at him (there’s a lot of Bakula screaming at Connor Trinneer in this show) for staying in Trip’s quarters and for, I dunno, wanting to live.

How selective could this memory wipe be? A lot of interesting concepts come out of “Stratagem,” but then if you think about it for more than a second, you realize what Archer does to Degra is super messed up. Normally, when someone tampers with someone else’s mind to exploit them for information, it’s the villain of the show doing it. So it’s clever as a scheme, but Archer, my dude, you are the bad guy of this episode.

Let’s torture the canary we took out of this coalmine One of the absolute worst things we see Archer do comes in “Harbinger” (you’re going to see a lot of “Harbinger” in this spotlights) when he tortures that Sphere Builder before he even knows who they are. He jumps to the wildest conclusion that this guy might have information, with absolutely no proof at first, and he tortures the guy. And this is the hero of the show, people!

If that’s a problem for history, then history will have to suffer We may have just credited Archer with doing the honorable thing and wanting to sacrifice himself in “Azati Prime,” but it’s also absolutely idiotic. For once, Archer refuses to listen to Daniels who warns him that if Jon destroys the Xindi weapon, they will only build another one. Please, Archer, do the peaceful, diplomatic thing. No? Why choose now to be so unreasonable?

Out of my way, I’m a motorist! We rag on “Damage” a lot because of the hypocrisy of it all. Archer finally thinks he’s crossing a line when he steals the warp coil from the Illyrians’ ship, despite all the lines he’s been crossing all season. And what a shitty thing to do to these people! He strands them in the expanse and we never hear about them again. Dude, at least send them an Uber.

Even though you don’t wish to own me, I still wish to please you Because I feel like shitting on “Bound” at least a little bit, let’s shit on how Archer so easily gets tricked by the Orions all episode long. You can blame the pheromones for tampering with his senses, but dude, you couldn’t have put some female MACOs in charge once you knew the ruse? You didn’t smell something was up when space pirates wanted to do business? And god, that scene when he talks about sexual slavery is just so uncomfortable. Vomit.

—

Sorry, Cap’n, but someone needed to put you in your place. Will our other Enterprise character spotlights be a little more positive? Keep track by following along here on the blog! You should also keep up with our watchthrough of Discovery over on the podcast on SoundCloud (or wherever you listen to podcasts), exchange water polo gossip with us over on Facebook, and maybe scream at Trip a little less. Just a little.

[giffingthingsss]

[1trilliongrams]

Happy birthday, Shran!

[indignantlemur]

hello, I was wondering what your head cannon was on the ahm tal? Also may I ask what your head cannon was, if I didn't already, about the andorians in the andorian incident?

Thank you.

Hello again! <3

We'll start with the Am Tal, I think. This is another long one, so details below the cut.

PART 1: The Am Tal

The Am Tal (or Ahm Tal) is effectively the Andorian secret service - their equivalent to the Romulan Tal Shiar, the Vulcan V'Shar, and Earth's Section 31. Canon lore on them is sparse, naturally, but what is there tells us this:

The organization was founded in 1935 on the Andorian colony world of Cimera III. After the founding of the United Federation of Planets, the Am Tal often collaborated with Starfleet Intelligence and the Federation Intelligence Service, both officially and behind-the-scenes, but at all times the Am Tal operated independently of both. Am Tal agents working black-ops would sometimes pass on information to those more visible agencies as "anonymous sources." The Am Tal did not confine their activities to Andorian territory, contrary to what Federation Intelligence Services/Starfleet Intelligence once believed. They performed whatever operations were deemed essential to the welfare of Andoria and her people throughout the Alpha and Beta Quadrants, up to and including black-ops and wet work. They were regarded as brutally efficient, ruthlessly determined, and they were feared almost as much as the Tal Shiar. A "boogeyman" among the intelligence services, foreign spies, double agents, terrorists and others they deemed as threats would simply "disappear" when the Ahm Tal were around. Andorian citizens often attribute such incidents to the Ahm Tal, and they are often right. [sources: Alpha and Beta canon; LUG: The Andorians: Among the Clans, All Our Yesterdays: The Time Travel Sourcebook; Decipher: Aliens]

We also have an excerpt of a fantastic speech from LUG: The Andorians: Among the Clans from a politician regarding the Am Tal. As I harvest canon lore from multiple resources and try to make the jumbled mess make sense, I don't strictly adhere to ATC's lore, but I've always loved this detail:

"I think it tragic that we deny the existence of the Am Tal simply because the Federation doesn't understand what the Am Tal is. They are the most valorous heroes of our age. They die, silently, by the hundreds, saving our lives, protecting our freedom, defending our honor. They mutilate themselves for us. They focus their passion toward noble results. We should honor them. We are not obligated to explain them. Their real names must never be known." - Oshuvas Idrani, public address, Tarsk, 2268 They are noted scientists. They are wealthy merchants. They are adventurous pirates. They are Starfleet officers. Am Tal operatives are everywhere, the "seekers of secrets" and the sworn protectors of Andorian interests. The [Andorian government] denies their existence, despite the fact that 100 members are Am Tal and that the other 200 not only believe in them but want them shut down. [source: LUG: The Andorians: Among the Clans "Am Tal: The Art of Secrecy"]

Starfleet Intelligence does not manage to confirm the existence of the Am Tal beyond rumour and hearsay until the late 24th century - TNG era, that is.

To help put all of this in context, in Emigre the current year as of the most recent chapter (Ch 47) is 2174.

From this we can conclude a few things.

The Am Tal are very good at what they do. Despite the fact that the average Andorian citizen is well aware of the Am Tal as an entity protecting Andoria's interests, Starfleet Intelligence (and the Federation Intelligence Services branches) can't pin them down for at least another hundred years. That is some impressive operational security from the Am Tal's side of things.

Am Tal operatives are perfectly willing to undergo radical surgeries, including removal of their antennae, for deep cover operations - regardless of whether or not these procedures are reversible. They cultivate a ruthlessness and cold efficiency in their operatives that, frankly, sounds a hell of a lot cooler than Section 31 ever did.

Am Tal are spread throughout the quadrant and have an extensive spy network. They sometimes leave 'anonymous tips' for Federation Intelligence Services (FIS) and Starfleet Intelligence (SI) when they catch wind of something outside of their purview that the Federation might want to look into. No word on whether that courtesy extends to the Vulcans at the time of Emigre, however.

Anyone could be Am Tal. They're not all super soldiers or secret agents slinking about in highly visible uniforms, and their propensity for radical cosmetic alterations means that they slip under the radar with shocking ease. In short, literally anyone anywhere could be an Am Tal informant or operative, and there really isn't a good way to tell for sure.

From there my headcanons are as follows:

The Am Tal are a vast and far-reaching network of spies, informants, assassins, deep cover operatives, and citizens from all walks of life. They recruit anyone, regardless of Clan or status, who can meet their stringent requirements for loyalty, ruthlessness, and competence, and who are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to serve Andoria.

There are many different kinds of Am Tal operatives as well, and a broad array of skills are required to serve Andoria and her people. Not every operative is a fierce warrior or possesses genius-level intellect, though the organization will certainly go out of its way to recruit such individuals if it can. Their ranks include merchants, scientists, engineers, freighter captains, shipyard workers, domestic service employees, clerks, media specialists, and more.

The Am Tal do not as an organization shy away from black-ops and wet work when it's needed, but it is not their first choice for dealing with problems. Their biggest priority is actually information-gathering, collation, analysis, and dissemination. A wealth of knowledge - particularly knowledge no one else wants one to have - wins wars as surely as a knife in the dark can topple nations. Moreover, dead men tell no tales and while death is certainly an option, Am Tal would much rather extract every ounce of information possible first before considering more final alternatives. They're not always picky about how they go about this, but finesse over brute force is the Am Tal's preferred modus operandi.

Part of the reason behind Am Tal's success is their operatives' willingness to do whatever it takes to preserve their covers. If they even suspect they're at risk of discovery, they disappear - and with their propensity for surgical alterations, quite effectively at that. Faking their own deaths is common, especially to estrange themselves from relatives who might pose problems in the future. In extreme circumstances, compromised operatives will self-terminate in such a way that their bodies and identifiers are destroyed as completely and thoroughly as possible. This is meant as a last resort only, and officials within the Am Tal are careful to neither condone nor discourage the act.

During the Earth-Romulan War (2156-2160), the Am Tal had limited success in gleaning information about Romulans, which was more than anyone else in the Federation had managed - but even so, it was hardly anything at all. Their file on Romulans and the Romulan spy network is threadbare at best in the current year, but it's all the Federation has to work with beyond the Enterprise incident reports.

The file, such as it was, was left anonymously on the Section Chief of Starfleet Intelligence's desk early one morning. Upon the isochip's discovery, the security footage or digital logs for the entire building were pulled, but upon review there was simply nothing there that shouldn't have been. Everyone involved agreed that the footage and records must have been tampered with, but no one could figure out how.

There are a number of Clans on Andoria (and its colonies) which have some association or another with the Am Tal, but not one of them have a provable tie to the shadowy organization. Rumour and hearsay at best are all that countless investigations have turned up. That doesn't stop the general population from making a few assumptions, however - better safe than dead is a rule to live by, on Andoria. Clans that have garnered such a reputation are generally treated with caution, since one never quite knows *who* exactly they are speaking to once Am Tal factor into the equation, but so long as the Clan's members are law-abiding citizens that's as far as it goes.

PART 2: The Andorian Incident!

The Andorians in the Andorian Incident are Commander Thy'lek Shran, Thon, Keval, and Tholos. As far as I know, we're never given the ranks of the other three, but I suspect Tholos was possibly a lieutenant.

Generally speaking, I have a few headcanons about these four, but I haven't really sat down and fleshed them out properly.

Shran is the most well-fleshed out character, having gotten the most screen time of the bunch. Where he's concerned, I mostly have headcanons about his departure from the Andorian Imperial Guard and subsequent poor lifestyle choices from a man who previously had been shown to be a competent and reasonable commander and negotiator. Something about that doesn't quite track, for me. It's generally agreed that he left the Guard out of guilt and shame for the fate of the Kumari, though I don't believe anyone else blamed him necessarily. The Marauder was a nasty piece of work, specifically designed to be a ship-killer, and it wasn't anything that anyone else in the quadrant had run up against before. It would have taken a miracle to save the Kumari once Shran's ship was the last one standing after the initial ambush. Certainly, there would be repercussions for the loss of the Andorian ambassador and the rest of the complement, but I don't think those repercussions would have been Shran's to bear, at least not entirely. He not only survived but saved as many of his crew as he could - and, more importantly, he lived long enough to negotiate a treaty in the ambassador's stead and be debriefed, despite his recklessness in his grief and the diplomatic shit-show that was the ushaan duel. The man has insane luck in the worst way - he has a weird tendency to be in the right place at the the right time, usually while he's also up to his antennae in problems and active firefights.

Tholos seems to be Shran's second in command, and he seems very comfortable following Shran into potentially volatile situations, from P'Jem to Corridan. That alone makes me think the two have known each other for years, or at least served together long enough to build up trust in the other's instincts. I headcanon Tholos as Shran's chief of security on the Kumari. Now, Tholos gets a bad reputation for creeping on T'Pol during The Andorian Incident which... fair. I personally think that the threats were empty, because something about Tholos' tone and word choice makes me think he's actually repulsed by Vulcans. His antennae, certainly, were not indicating any kind of fixation or arousal beyond sharp attention, which lends some credence to the idea that he was trying to provoke T'Pol, the other Vulcans, or the Enterprise landing party into giving something away. Since that didn't produce any of the desired results, he didn't bother with a second attempt, which a genuine creeper almost certainly would have. Remember that the Andorian squad was searching for evidence of a listening post, and as usual the monks were less than helpful. Provoking a response at this point - any response- would have been at least some kind of progress, since the Andorians had very clearly run out of momentum just as the Enterprise landing party arrived. Don't get me wrong - still creepy as fuck, but the possibility of tactical creeping makes me think that Tholos is the sort to actively look for weaknesses to exploit, maybe even habitually. He very well could be the sort who turns this on his own friends at times, with keen observations and cutting words that have become almost second-nature. In short, Tholos is an asshole but he's not that kind of asshole.

Keval, by comparison, we only see operating scanners and helping to search the monastery, which makes me think he might be a tech specialist or possibly an engineer. He doesn't get much in the way of screen time but even so Keval doesn't appear to be impulsive and we don't see any indication of a cruel streak like we do with Tholos. I headcanon Keval as a more measured sort of man, more likely to step back to assess rather than leap forward and react. He might be on the quieter side, as Andorians go, of a thoughtful disposition otherwise. When he's not searching Vulcan monasteries for secret lairs, I imagine he's the sort to enjoy tinkering with the systems under his care to improve their yield and efficiency when he has time.

Thon is the one we know the least about canonically, as he has no dialogue and is kind of just... there. He participates in the firefight, follows orders, and generally exists in the background. I'd say probably part of the Kumari's security complement under Tholos' command. I like to imagine Thon as an easy-going sort of guy, when he's not on a mission to suss out super secret Vulcan spy lairs, though he's by no means a pushover - the sort to enjoy wilderness hikes and hitting local dive bars.

[spocks-husband]

Hey so The Andorian Incident is an absolute BANGER of an episode and I hope that everyone who worked on Enterprise gets the sloppiest head ever

[crowfootwrites]

I just finished The Andorian Incident, so of course I needed to read this because T'Kosh??? Ummm, omg!! 🤤 This was incredible! Your writing is incredible, as always, and I absolutely love how you wrote their reunion! 😭😭😭

Unravel

Inspired by this ask by @romulanhorsegirl and written with their permission. My god. This has been living in my brain for SO MANY DAYS. PLEASE ENJOY THE FRUITS OF MY LABOR. This is just under 11,300 words. Enjoy!

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

T’Kosh (ST:ENT) x Reader

[A/N: This is angsty, fluffy, and smutty, so 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!!]

Warnings: Interspecies sex, Human/Vulcan sex, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, making out in a sacred hallway, blasphemy, oral sex (female receiving), oral sex (male receiving), fondling, biting, marking, dirty talk, innuendo, mild choking kink, frottage, mild d/s dynamics.

~*~

**2151 - P’Jem Monastery**

The monks of P’Jem were all meditating quietly in the large room where the Andorian officers had corralled them. There was little else to do. As their order was pacifistic in nature, they would not commit violence, and there was no way to convince the Andorians to leave. At T’Kosh’s urging, the monks simply tried to bide their time. Their heads lifted, though, at the sound of the door banging open. The Commander of the Andorian officers stood fuming in the doorway.

Keep reading

[soulerflaire]

The writers think it's absolutely hilarious that Vulcans think humans smell bad. They just keep writing it into the show over and over.

[cantorpike]

it's so funny hearing someone call trip "mr tucker" it's very "excuse me, MISTER puppy"

[star-trek-dumb-comics]

I guess I forgot to post this but - last year I made a bunch of star trek OCs ! They're a group of friends who all serve abord the USS T'Sera during the late TNG era. I just really wanted to design a friend group made up of the four original federation founding members lol

They're on my ArtFight if anyone here participates

Here's some info about them :

Khov is a xenobiologist. Quite the Andorian history nerd, he won't shut up about the Ch'eraotherh Dynasty (his Roman Empire).

His naturally emotional disposition as an Andorian especially expresses itself when he's nervous or under some pressure, making him seem jumpy or easily panicked. But he's as capable of doing his job and performing under pressure as any other Starfleet officer -  externalizing his emotions is just the way he regulates and keeps a cool head.

He's usually well spoken and witty (you need to when you're friends with Rog and Ketis) but when it comes to romantic encounters he easily gets flustered. He has a (not-so) secret crush on the chief of security of the T'Sera, which he is very embarrassed about

Nadia is a relief helmsman. She's very eager and optimistic, and motivated to move up in the ranks. She loves piloting and daydreams about saving the whole ship with her prowess at the helm (and maybe even have a maneuver named after her, why not !)

She's a space native, her parents worked on a deep-space cargo freighter.

She often appears chill and the "reasonable middle ground" in her friend's heated debates (which they call "human mediator syndrome").

She also loves discussing couple gossip and gives a lot of romantic advice despite never having been in a romantic relationship herself (she's probably aroace but hasn't really thought about it)

Rog is a security officer. He first met Ketis on his arrival day during his medical checkup - during which he got into one of the most fun arguments in his life, and they've been best friends since then.

He values honesty and despises bootlickers and people pleasers. In that he counts those who try to start an argument with him as a pleasing tactic - he wants his debates to be genuine, thank you very much !

He's also a bit of an order and cleanliness freak.

His job at security made him very observant and perceptive . He's also capable of functioning on very little sleep.

Ketis a medical technician. He genuinely enjoys his friend group of varied emotional species, he finds it stimulating and an intellectual challenge (as well as a test of his emotional repression). He also finds their reasoning and points of view interesting and is always taking them into consideration. All this makes him pretty critical of some vulcans' arrogance and sense of superiority over other species, which he considers an to be an emotional response.

He particularly likes debating and can hold a friendly argument tirelessly, which is always good when being friends with a Tellarite.

He suffers from motion/space sickness, which is rare for a vulcan - and especially for a vulcan in starfleet. He sort of became infamous for it on the ship after an incident where he threw up on the Captain (who he was taking care of in sickbay during a red alert). Good thing he's purely logical because that'd be really embarrassing !

[foone]

I nearly got kicked out of Starfleet because I caused a major diplomatic incident by revealing to the Arachnons that we have a video filter on whenever we talk to them over subspace.

Look, they're 3 meter tall spiders. They're friendly and all, there's been no conflict between them and other federation races, but they are still giant spiders. Half the human crew instinctively screams when they show up on the viewscreen. So some engineer rigged up a thing a while ago where instead of their actual image, it shows a video stream of some kittens. It's effectively audio-only mode, without snubbing them by having to explicitly day we don't want to see them.

And this worked just fine and kept the peace for like 70 years, but it all depended on no one revealing to them that we do this. And I had to be the one who screwed up and mentioned it.

Still, at least the Andorian Polar Research Station is pretty. Lotta nice auroras. It's a bit lonely though.

[groundzer0s-art]

This IS how The Andorian Incident ended, right?

[sshbpodcast]

Wake me when Season 1 of Enterprise gets interesting

by Ames

Season one of Enterprise just seemed to fly by, and thank goodness because we’re not finding it all that great, to be honest. Too much of it feels like more of the same stories that previous Treks have already told way better, but with less likable characters, less nuanced writing, and so much sexual objectification that we feel ill just watching it sometimes.

Sure, it’s still probably better than season one of TNG, which had more objectively BAD episodes, but it’s surprising to your hosts here at A Star to Steer Her By just how boring this show is so far. We’ve noted a bunch of times over in our podcast coverage that there never seems to be any stakes because every opportunity for some character (main, side, guest, even background) to get killed, they never do. So grab your phase pistol and see what we had to wade through to get here in our usual bottom and top episodes from the season below and also in this week’s podcast chat (jump to 56:26 for season discussion). Cap’n.

[images © CBS/Paramount]

Bottom Three Episodes

There was a lot to dislike this season and I’m pretty sure we covered most of this season’s dreck in our typically varied responses here. Good work, “Cold Front,” you managed to squeak through somehow despite that terrible airlock scene.

“The Andorian Incident”: Ames If you’ve been following along with our podcast coverage, you’re probably as tired of me hating on Archer as I am of Archer hating on Vulcans, and this is where that sour taste really transpired. It’s a whole episode of our captain going lightyears out of his way to ruin some Vulcans’ day and then patting himself on the back for being justified about being so racist.

“Silent Enemy”: Chris Talk about uneven. What was almost an intriguing suspense episode about the crew being wholly unprepared for the kinds of enemies you find in space is thoroughly undercut by a mismatched B plot that, while cute, is distracting as hell, and by some really laughable alien design. At least Reed gets some pineapple cake.

“Fight or Flight”: Jake Poor Sluggo, we hardly knew thee. Boy, does this show start off with characters it’s just hard to care about. We’ve got Hoshi being pathetic in an “overcoming your fears” plotline so predictable I could have called every beat. And Archer simultaneously being indecisive and whining about his decisions at the same time. And then the metaphor with releasing the slug doesn’t even mesh!

“Fortunate Son”: Jake While it’s unfortunate how little Mayweather gets to do, I can’t say I feel that bad about it considering that everything he does get to do in this episode is annoying as hell. We’d love to see more about his upbringing as a boomer and the culture clash therein, but this episode botches it hard by making all the Fortunate crew assholes!

“Broken Bow”: Caitlin, Chris The whole series really gets off on the wrong foot with a premiere that is simultaneously too little and too much all at once. Between the Klingons, the Suliban, the Vulcans, the flashback scenes with Archer’s dad, the weird time room with the Humanoid Figure, AND introducing us to the whole crew, there are too many things happening, but absolutely none of them are interesting!

“Dear Doctor”: Ames, Caitlin All season long, we’ve been struggling with what we think of the Phlox character, and it mostly boils down to us finding him offputting. So of course the most Phlox-centric episode is in our bottoms list. Certainly helping matters is the fact that both Phlox AND the writers don’t understand evolution at all and use that as an excuse to genocide a people. Oops.

“Fusion”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But the one that gets votes from all your SSHB hosts is the episode that sexually exploits the token hot character, as always. Hang on, that doesn’t narrow it down. It’s the one with the mind rapist Vulcan who takes advantage of T’Pol, entirely muddying whatever message about Vulcans this whole season was trying to make. Turns out they’re ALL just monsters, but in different ways, except for one you’ll see in our top episodes.

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Top Three Episodes

It’s hard to call these “top” episodes of anything, as you’ll see we all pretty much agreed on two episodes this season that were genuinely enjoyable, and each of us frankly struggled to think of a third that we could see giving any accolades to...

“Acquisition”: Chris Listen, we don’t like it any more than you do, but there weren’t enough decent episodes this season and Chris had to include this retread of much better episodes. But you know what: the Ferengi hit us right in the fanservice spot, the veteran alumni are all pros, and aside from all the oomox, it was at least entertaining.

“Oasis”: Jake Back when we were covering season 2 of DS9, Jake put “Shadowplay” on his tops list, so it’s only fitting that he essentially do it again with this carbon copy of an episode. I guess there’s nothing wrong with doing the same idea twice when it’s a good one like this. It’s even got Rene Auberjonois! What’s not to like?

“Fallen Hero”: Caitlin One more “I know that face!” episode coaxing an emotional reaction out of us, which is almost certainly exactly what the show wanted to achieve. In this case, we have to give Fionnula Flanagan some credit for bringing some much needed nuance to the Vulcans, who badly needed it this season.

“Vox Sola”: Ames The final one-off episode that we scraped up to include on this list. And no, it’s not perfect by any stretch, but I have to give it some credit for giving us a truly alien alien, which I’m always a fan of watching our crew interact with. And T’Pol and Sato got to have some scenes together, which is a nice character pairing!

“Shockwave, Part I”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake Thank goodness for this season finale. Without it, I have no idea how deep into the bench we’d have to dig for other Top Episodes. But I have to hand it to this finale: this was the first time I felt like there were stakes and consequences. And what a cliffhanger! Say what you will about the Temporal Cold War, but seeing a ravaged 31st century scene sure makes things interesting.

“Shuttlepod One”: Ames, Caitlin, Chris, Jake But the one episode I can say we all legitimately liked this season was one of the great bottle episodes of Trek. Proving yet again that less is more, this little character piece leans on the acting chops of Connor Trineer and Dominic Keating, whose chemistry together is lovely to watch. Just super solid all around.

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Pass the pecan pie, the rocky road ice cream, and the pineapple cake; we’re on for dessert! We’re hoping season two shapes up better overall than this one, so find out with us as we watch along in our podcast coverage over on SoundCloud or wherever you get your podcasts, bounce a message off of Echo One on Facebook and Twitter, and get me a spoon!

[giffingthingsss]

[saintsisko]

Thy'lek Shran and Malcolm Reed in Star Trek: Enterprise, The Andorian Incident

[indignantlemur]

Full size: HERE

Detail shots - and a secret, seasonal fourth panel - below:

I'm really pleased with the Andorian panel - everything turned out just right, I think!

Working with the limited expressions of Andorians is definitely a challenge at times, because it feels like I'm relying on a lot of body language and antennae cues to convey what the other characters can convey through comparatively simple facial expressions. Still, I think I did alright here!

As for the Vulcan panel... somehow, Soval's assistant (originally intended to be Rekan from Deck the Halls (And Not The Vulcans)) turned into Sarek, so I guess that's happening now.

And onto the Tellarite panel! As much as I like how the Andorian panel turned out, I can't help but love Ambassador Gral in this panel just a little bit more. He was a lot of fun to draw!

And now for the super secret fourth panel, in honour of the season! (full size here)

(I choose to believe that Archer moved a decimal point two places over in a stalled trade agreement and waited to see how long it would take them all to notice. At least they're all talking again!)

Look at that face. That man has been concussed so many times. (We love him.)

Season's greetings and happy holidays to all who celebrate!

[myrskytuuli]

I've seen few dreamling Star Trek AUs, but I keep thinking about canon dreamling in the Starfleet era future.

The moment humanity makes first contact, Hob Gadling obvioulsy makes it his next goal to get up there and start exploring as soon as possible. New Frontiers! New species! New experiences!

Which great. He's good enough at being just the most normal (surprisingly lucky and durable) red shirt, just there, doing his job. Nothing weird to see here, no sir. Too bad that he managed to get a job at the Enterprise, the galaxy's most ridiculous incident prone ship. And as the Enterprise incidents(TM) keep happening, so does the niggling feeling that there's something fucking funky going on with Ensign Gadling. he has....a very surprising range of skills and knowledge. And that boyfriend of his...is always there when they have shore-leave, no matter how implausible it would be for him to travel the distances with the speed he does with Federation spacecraft. Nobody can sus out what his job is, but it has to be some very high level federation one for his and Gadling's shore-leave's always to align.

But the most disturbing thing about the boyfriend(TM) is how the first glimpse any of the crew gets of him is always always just a bit fucked up.

For a second, before he blinks and realises that that is just Gadling and his partner sitting down on a spaceport café, Spock could have sworn that sitting across the man was Run S'haile made flesh, appearance just like the statues now gathering dust in Vulcan ancient history museums. And the andorian officer could have sworn that for a blink there she saw the Sparkling King of All Fantasies walking hand in hand with Ensign Gadling, before the image settled to two humans walking side by side. And one calm night a tellarite engineer spots ensign Gadling snuggling and star-gazing by one of the ship windows with The Great Nightmare Beast of Sleeping Terrors and decides to get the fuck back to her own quarters and try to never think of it again.

And it really doesn't help that while your average sentients aren't anymore impressed by Gadling than the agressively boring and normal man warrants, it has been more than once that the Cosmic Entity With Unimaginable Powers of the week has gotten suspiciously polite when Gadling enters the scene.

In a normal Starfleet ship Gadling might be able to fly under radar, but USS Enterprise is not a normal ship and the crew is starting to get the heebie jeebies...