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callsign-magnolia · 4 months ago

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Undiagnosed // Ch. 21

Mature Content 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, abusive parents, smut, mentions of thoughts of suicide.

Word Count: 3.6k

Chapter 20 | Masterlist

“Who do you think you are-” “Shut up!” I yelled as I turned to face her. She closed the door a shocked look on her face. “How fucking dare you.” I said as I pointed at her. “How dare I?” I nodded. “Yeah. As I grew up I realized what a shitty mother you were but I never expected this kind of low from you!” She was reeling. “Shitty mother? You should be grateful to us! We raised you with only the best-” “AND I WAS MISERABLE!” I screamed. “You raised me with so much fucking trauma! You want to know why I was so ‘emotional’? Maybe you should read these!” I tossed the papers at her, the paper clip keeping them together. She grabbed them and within a second her face fell. “How did you get these?” She asked. “My doctor gave them to me when I went to see her today. Asked me of I was taking anything for my ADHD and depression.” I’m sure my face was tinged red, showing how angry I am and I hope she understands the severity of this. “You didn’t tell me.” I seethed. “You didn’t tell me when you knew of ways to help me.” I said as I stepped closer. “Instead you let me suffer and struggle and be made fun of and called the weird kid my entire childhood.” I was in her face by the time I finished. “You let me suffer and consider suicide at fucking thirteen years old when I could’ve been in therapy and on medications to make me function better!” “They only gave us this diagnosis to shove pills down your throat! You don’t have any of this! You were and are just a bad misbehaved child! You needed what our parents gave and that was a good ass whooping! I messed up with you because I was too soft on you.” She stepped past me and I was shocked.

“Too soft on me?! Smacking me in the face was too soft? Daddy beating the hell out of me with a belt was too soft?! You’re sick in the head!” I said and she scoffed. “I did what I had to do-” “No, you did what you thought was easy! Because you couldn’t buck up and be a decent person or a good mother! Because having patience for your child was too hard!” “WE COULDN’T HANDLE YOU!” She screamed in response. “YOU WERE THE WORST BEHAVED CHILD I HAD EVER MET!” It shouldn’t have but it stung. “We couldn’t handle you! I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with you! Especially when you were a baby! You would just cry and cry and I almost just stopped taking care of you all together but I knew if you died your father and I would be in prison!” My chest heaved at her words. It hit me hard how little she truly cared. I walked over and snatched the papers as a coughing fit hit me. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and you’ll drop dead. It’s the least you deserve after all these years of torture and abuse.” She laughed loudly at my words. “I’ll be here good and long after you’re dead. If I’m lucky I’ll watch them lower your casket.” I stopped in my tracks at her words. “No, you won’t. Because now I have a happy life and I’m away from the misery you’ve inflicted on me!” I said as I turned away from her and headed for the door. “Oh by the way, I was at the doctors for a flu diagnosis. Hopefully one of your lungs will collapse and you’ll suffer on the floor.” Her face dropped. My mom rarely got sick but she’s in her sixties so she’s more susceptible. “You little bitch!” She rushed forward and raised her hand but my fingers wrapped around her wrist, effectively stopping her. My free hand came back before my own palm connected with her face and she stumbled back.

My chest heaved as I looked at her down on the floor, holding her face as she breathed heavily. “It hurts doesn’t it?” I asked and she moved her hand, revealing a red mark. “All the times you and daddy hit me, it didn’t just hurt physically. I sat there and I wondered what I could’ve done to deserve it, what made you hate me. But now I know all I had to do was be born. Don’t worry, you’ll never see or hear from me again. You can start pretending I never existed.” With that I walked out the front door, slamming it on my way out. I got in the truck and immediately left. I picked up my medicine before going home. As soon as I was home I grabbed all my stuff and went inside. When I got the door closed and latched everything hit me at once. I leaned against the door as the sobs hit and sunk down till my knees were against my chest. I almost feel like it would be better if I did something to make them hate me, but simply my mere existence made my mother want to go as far as kill me. Having my mother confirm they never loved me hit hard and I feel like my heart is being split apart. Eventually I got up and took a shower, knowing it may make me feel a little better. Once I was out I dried off, took my medicine and crawled into the spare bed in the guest room. I wanted to do my best to keep Jake from getting sick and that meant sleeping in here for a while. My mind raced with all the thoughts and memories of my parents, how I never truly did anything, they just hated me. Tears ran down my face, soaking my neck and pillow as I cried myself to sleep.

Fingers ran through my hair and roused me from my sleep. “Hey, darlin’. Why you in here?” Jake whispered, leaning down to kiss my temple. “I didn’t wanna get you sick.” I mumbled. “I appreciate that. What did the doctor say?” Everything came rushing back and tears came to my eyes. I sat straight up, keeping the covers against my chest as I looked away from him. “I-I do have the flu.” I said as I rubbed my eyes. He hummed and kissed my bare shoulder. “I’ll make some soup for dinner.” I shook my head. “You don’t have to. I’m not hungry.” He raised a brow at me. “Are you sure?” I nodded, giving him a small smile. “I’m sure.” He sighed and kissed my head again. “Okay, you’ll holler if you need me right?” I nodded as I laid back down and he stood. “I love you, Jake.” I whispered as he walked towards the door. “I love you too, Katie.” He closed the door behind him and my tears came back. I leaned over to my purse in the chair next to the bed and pulled out my diagnosis papers. I read over them the words depression, attention deficit hyperactive disorder, and autism glared at me from the white paper. If Jake saw this would he change his mind? Would he no longer love me? The thought terrified me. I couldn’t lose him. He’s a big part of me figuring out who I am without my parents, I’m not sure I could turn around and figure out who I am without him. “I won’t tell him. He can’t know.” I said as I stuffed the papers back in my purse, laying down again. “I can’t tell him. “ I muttered, fingers gripping my pillow tightly.

Two days later I still felt like shit and I haven’t eaten. “Katie darlin’, you have to eat. You’re starving yourself right now.” Jake muttered as he came into the guest room. “Jake, I’m just not hungry.” I was sitting up in bed doing some school work and this was the third time today he’s asked me to eat. I’ve been drinking a bunch of water but I had no appetite. “You’re not going to get any better just sitting there and not eating. You’re only gonna get weaker and it’ll take you longer to get over this.” I huffed, closing my eyes. “Jake. I am not hungry. Now please, stop pestering me about it.” I said. “Katie, you have to eat.” I slammed the lid of my laptop closed. “Jake! I am not hungry! Now for the love of God JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” I yelled and he stepped back in surprise. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Jake, I'm sorry. I just don’t feel good and I just want to be left alone.” I set my laptop on the table and laid back down, my back to him and the door. He sighed before leaving and closing the door and more tears streamed down my face. Another day passed by, it was almost time for Jake to come home from work and I was in the kitchen finally trying to make myself something to eat.

I had decided to just do some noodles with a little chicken and tomato sauce. The chicken was already cooked so I just tossed it into the pan with the sauce. I leaned against the counter reading as I waited and when the timer went off for the noodles I heard the front door open. I grabbed the pot and walked it to the sink to drain them but as I went to tilt it I lost my grip and the pot went into the floor spilling noodles and boiling water everywhere. “Katie?” Jake sounded concerned and came into the kitchen. I just stared at my food on the ground and everything within me broke. “Dammit!” I screamed, grabbing the pot and slamming it down onto the counter. “I can’t even just make fucking pasta!” I felt like all of my emotions were just gonna explode out of me. “What dumbass can’t make pasta?!” My hands went into my hair as tears burst from my eyes. I felt like I was having a complete breakdown. “Katie, darlin’. Your feet!” My feet had been covered in boiling water but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to care. Jake rushed over, lifting me till I was sat on the counter. “Oh, Katie, your feet.” They were an ugly shade of red and I could feel them throbbing. Jake cut the sink on and turned me till he could stick my feet under the cool water. “Stay there while I clean this up.” I just stared at my feet in the sink. Jake cleaned up my mess and took my chicken off the stove before turning to me. He cut the water off and grabbed a paper towel to dry my feet. “I’m sorry.”

He looked at me with raised brows. “Why are you sorry?” He asked as I started to cry. “You just got home and I made a mess and I just let you clean it up. I should’ve stopped you and done it myself. God I’m such an awful person! I can’t even cook for myself without making a huge ass mess and I’ve been so mean to you when all you’ve tried to do is help me and-” I was startled when his large hands gently grabbed my face. “Hey, hey. Where is all this coming from?” He asked as he stared into my eyes and I started sobbing. I was sobbing hard and he just pulled me into him and held me. I clutched to him like a child as my tears soaked his clothes. His hand rubbed my back and he whispered soothing words to me as he held me. “I’m sorry!” I cried into his shoulder. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” He held me for a few more minutes until I calmed down and I sat up and looked him in the eyes. “I went and saw my mother a few days ago.” His eyes widened and his face turned red. “Katie, why would you do that?” He didn’t sound mad, but he looked it. “I-I had to confront her. I couldn’t go the rest of my life without talking to her.” I spit out, hoping to ease his anger but I realized I had brought up a whole other situation with it. “Confront her about what?” He asked, confusion all over his face. I bit my lip, not knowing how to tell him. “Katie, what is going on? Is this part of why you’ve been acting weird the last few days?” He asked as his hands slid from my face to my neck.

I slid off the counter and walked away, up to my room and he followed close behind. “Katie.” He asked as he stopped in the doorway. I had the paper in my hands and I stared at it. “When I went to the doctor I discovered a few things about myself. Things my parents never told me. N-no matter how you feel about this I’ll respect it. If you want to break up we can, if you want me to leave I will-” “Darlin’.” He walked over and grabbed my hand, pulling me to sit on the bed next to him. “You need to talk to me, Katie.” I sighed, holding the paper out to him. I buried my face in my hands as he read it. I’m not sure how long we sat in silence for but when I sat up his arms were hanging down between his legs as he stared straight ahead. “Jake?” I asked. “I can’t believe this.” He muttered, looking down at the paper again. “Jake, I’m sorry-” “You’re sorry?!” He jumped up and I got scared, he stood over me and I could swear smoke was coming out of his ears. “How can you be sorry when you have nothing to be sorry for?!” He asked and I was confused. “Your parents, the two people who were supposed to love you and take care of you kept something this big from you? Your entire life?” He asked, staring at the paper again. “Yeah.” I muttered, looking down at my hands, not wanting to meet his gaze but I yelped when I was grabbed and he pulled me into him. He squeezed me and I stood still for a second before hugging him back.

“Katie, I swear to you, your parents will never be able to hurt you again.” I pulled away, meeting his gaze. “Yo-you don’t think I’m weird or want to break up?” I asked and he set the papers down before pulling me into him again, one arm around my waist, the other cradling my face. “Katie, I fell in love with you. Everything about you. Every little quirk in your personality, all of it. Katie, all of this is what makes you you and I fell in love with every bit of it. Now there’s just a name for all of it.” Tears soaked my cheeks as I bit my lip. “I love you, too.” I said before squeezing him to me. He held me as I cried, rubbing my back. “Is this what you confronted your mom about?” I nodded, wiping my eyes. “I was so angry when I found out I barged my way into her house and yelled at her.” He cracked a small smile. “And I hit her.” I confessed and his face fell. “I’m going to assume she hit you first?” I tilted my head side to side. “She attempted but I stopped her and then hit her.” My face burned with a blush. “Well it was self defense.” I hummed as my eyes locked on the door behind him. “I asked her if it hurt. I hope it did. I want them both to hurt like I have my entire life.” Jake’s face fell and he tilted my chin so I was looking at him. “They’ll get what they deserve Katie, but it’s also not good to wish harm on people.” I knew he was right, it would only tank my mental health. “You’re right.” I muttered and he held the back of my neck, pulling me towards him till his lips pressed against my forehead. “Why don’t you go put some burn cream on your feet, crawl in bed with some socks, and I’ll make your food and bring it to you.” I shook my head. “My feet don’t hurt, and I can make my food. You just got home from work-” He stopped me, shaking his head. “I just got home from work and I want to make you food. You’re exhausted from being sick and constantly thinking about what’s on these papers.” He said as he shook said papers. “I want you to relax and finally get some rest.” I sighed, giving in. “Okay.” I said and he smiled. “And you need to go get in our bed, I haven’t been sleeping right with you in here.” I pursed my lips. “Jake, I’m still sick.” I said and he shrugged. “If I haven’t gotten it yet, I won’t now.” I sighed again and nodded. “Okay. Where’s the burn cream?” I asked and he grinned. “Under the cabinet, in the first aid kit.” I nodded, trudging out.

I did as he asked and put the cream on my feet and slid some fuzzy socks over them before crawling in bed. I curled up facing Jake’s side, his smell wafting into my nose and I quickly drifted off. “Darlin’.” I immediately woke up, looking up at him as he held a tray. “Sorry, it was so easy to fall asleep.” I said as I sat up. He set the tray next to me and chuckled. “You’re exhausted. I reheated some of that tomato soup you had in the freezer, and made you a grilled cheese.” He said before kissing my temple. “Mm, thank you.” I muttered. I set the tray in my lap as he stood from kneeling on his side of the bed. “I’ll be back, gonna get you something to drink.” I just hummed as I started eating. It was good and I could already tell I was starting to feel better. After a minute Jake came back in with ginger ale and a second tray. “Here.” He sat the drink on my tray and sat next to me before kicking off his shoes. I watched as he wandered around the room, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and kicking off his jeans and longhorn shirt before slipping the sweatpatns on and crawling in bed with me. “Thank you for this, Jake.” I said as I leaned back against the pillows. “You’re welcome, darlin’.” He grabbed my hand, kissing it gently before letting go and grabbing the remote. “Okay, let’s see what movie we can find.”

The following week I was much better and went back to school although I was shaking on Tuesday for clinicals. “Hey, glad to see your feeling better.” I was startled by Crystal’s voice as I walked into the break room. “Oh, yeah. The flu really kicked my butt.” I pulled out the breakfast sanwich Jake made for me before he went to work and sat across from her. “Last time I had it I didn’t think I was gonna make it out alive.” She said and chuckled. “Thankfully mine wasn’t that bad.” I told her. “Well let me know when you’re done and we can get started.” I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Get started?” She nodded. “Yeah, you’re with me. I was the only one who didn’t get one of you so you’re with me.” She smiled at me and I felt so relieved. “Oh, thank god. I was scared I was going to be paired up with someone mean.” I laughed. I had heard from Starla that the nurse she was paired up with was awful towards her and she left here crying on the second day of clinicals. Crystal chuckled and shook her head. “No, just me. Meet me out at the nurse’s station once your done.” I nodded and continued eating. Soon others filed in including Annie. “I’m so glad you’re back. Brooke and I are studying at her apartment tonight, we wnated to know if you wanted to join?” I nodded. “Let me see how I feel after today and I’ll let you know before we leave.” She gave me a thumbs up before walking out.

Once I was done I cleaned up and walked out towards the nurse’s station. Most of the rooms were dark and empty as I walked by and rounded the corner to see Crystal in front of a computer. “Okay, have a seat.” She said as she rolled a chair over. “Kim is going to review all of our patients with us.” I nodded and sat down with my notepad and pen. Once we got everything I blinked rapidly. “You okay?” Kim asked and I nodded. “Yeah, it’s just a lot to take in and I already feel like I’ve missed so much.” Kim and Crystal both nodded. “Well better get used to it sweetheart. It’s all fast paced around here.” I nodded and she smiled before standing. “I’m getting out of here. I have the next three days off and I’m only going to use them to sleep.” Crystal and I both said our goodbye’s before she stood. “So, you wanna go check some vitals with me?” I nodded rapidly, excited to get started.

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#undiagnosed #top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin #hangman #adhd #jake seresin fic #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin #jake seresin top gun #top gun hangman #jake Seresin x adhd OC

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synbiosys · 1 month ago

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So, I’m not proud of it, but I’m back to ask for help again. Above is the link to my Ko-Fi account; I can accept donations via Stripe and Paypal; I don’t have a preference of which method you use. Below is a more detailed explanation of the events that have led to my current predicament; it’s not entirely necessary to understand, but it should make sense of why this happened to me.

I’m dealing with some health problems and a recent car accident and I need help paying my bills for the next few months while I use that time to finish incomplete coursework for classes I took last year. In case it’s not clear, an “Incomplete” is a grade that can be given by instructors at some schools in situations where a student wasn’t able to complete a major assignment for a class due to circumstances outside their control, and allows students a pre-determined amount of time to finish that work beyond the end of the course. I had a plan for covering my expenses with a summer job at the Oregon State University Arthropod Collection (OSAC) while I finished the incomplete work, but the nature of my health issues, an outbreak of fleas, and a car accident have all prevented me from making it work. Now I’m kind of trapped; the cost of living in Corvallis is too high for food stamps to last an entire month, I don’t have a car anymore, and I’ll probably end up homeless if I can’t pay October rent and also pay November rent on time. I’ve managed to find some work doing landscaping and yardwork in my neighborhood, but I’ve realized that it’s impossible to make enough money and also handle the incomplete coursework; focusing on the former will impact the completion of my degree in June, while focusing on the latter will likely result in homelessness. The loss of my car is exacerbating all of this, in part because I live further away from all of the stores/banks/etc. in Corvallis, and public transit here is not very good.

Since late 2022, I’ve been experiencing sleep apnea-like health problems arising from swollen turbinate glands. I have some known allergies, but they’ve never caused swollen turbinate glands. The impact on my sleep quality became so severe that I had to resort to nasal strips every night. I saw doctors about this problem as early as spring of 2022, but none of them were helpful; most of them didn’t listen to me, and none of them considered trying any kind of testing. This ineptitude continued even after directly asking my primary doctor about autoimmune conditions and how we could test for them. Despite how obviously informative blood samples can be, nobody suggested a blood test. I finally lost my patience and demanded they give me a blood test for hypothyroidism at the end of August. Lo and behold, my thyroid hormone levels were an order of magnitude out of the normal range. Autoimmune problems run in my mother’s family, and it’s likely that I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis; this disease is rarer in men, and the symptoms appear very gradually. While I can understand how this would delay detection of the disease, there were FIVE different doctors who saw me in relation to the sleep/allergy problems and none of them considered a blood test. I started taking levothyroxine the same day as the test results, but before being treated, my symptoms became so severe that my ADHD medication stopped working, my OCD symptoms went out of control, and I was experiencing severe brain fog. This is what forced me to request incomplete grades for my courses; I was trying to complete coursework despite all of this, and I was barely able to keep up. Once treatment begins, it takes at least a month to take effect, so my symptoms didn’t start improving until early October. Most recently, I found out that I needed to increase my dosage, but thyroid problems often have complex consequences, and any changes to the dose of the medication will result in unwanted side effects.

My original plan for this summer was to work at OSAC to cover my expenses while I tackled the incomplete coursework. I calculated the gross income I’d need to meet my expenses, and working 30 hours a week at this position well exceeded that amount. My duties as a curatorial assistant change slightly depending on the tasks at hand, but because I am paid from grant money, I must work efficiently, accurately, and in an organized manner. Because I have ADHD, extra measures are necessary in order to meet these requirements. I’ve worked this job intermittently since 2018, so I know how prevent my ADHD symptoms from interfering with my work. Because of the failures by my doctors to address my health problems, I was already struggling to arrive at work on time by June. By July, my symptoms had worsened to the point that I was no longer able to focus on work consistently, voluntarily cutting some days short because I wasn’t accomplishing much, and continuing to work in that state was inherently a waste of grant money. By August I could only make it to work sporadically. As a result, I missed most of the income I could have earned for August and September of this year. I was able to make up for some of this impact by selling old trading cards and video games from childhood, but that money didn’t last very long.

I was also confronted with a flea infestation that suddenly appeared in August. I rent a bedroom in a house with housemates; we tried to eradicate them ourselves, but the landlord suddenly informed us in early September that he hired an exterminator, who was arriving in less than 24 hours. I have some pet reptiles and pet invertebrates I needed to protect from pesticide exposure, so I suddenly had to move my pets to a friend’s house. I also had to re-arrange my bedroom to accommodate the exterminators. Based on the chemicals that were used, the only way I could make room safe again for my pets was by mopping the floor in my bedroom and the adjacent hallway three times. This ultimately cost me four days, and then the exterminators came back in early October, which forced me to repeat the process.

As if this wasn’t enough, I had a serious car accident in late September that annihilated my car and left me with severe lacerations to my left arm and a fracture in my thumb. The car spun out and flipped in the process, landing in the opposite lane. If another car had been about to pass me, it would have caused a direct collision at around 55 mph, and I probably wouldn’t have survived that. I realized the danger immediately and crawled out of the car, but most of the other possible outcomes would have involved my demise. I’m very lucky, but it took almost a month for the lacerations to heal, and one of them was deep enough to cause nerve damage, which hasn’t completely healed yet. My left hand has healed enough for me to use it, but I’m still having some issues with my thumb.

I wish I could say that I had help from my family, but my parents were impacted by both of the recent hurricanes that made landfall in western Florida. Even before the hurricanes, my parents weren’t really willing to understand what I was dealing with. I grew up in an abusive household; my sister and I were neglected by our parents, and we experienced emotional abuse from them as young adults. This is particularly true of my father, who himself is the product of a highly abusive upbringing. Unfortunately, research on the dynamics of child abuse has shown that children from abusive households often suffer a lack of economic mobility relative to children from more supportive family backgrounds as a result of mental health impacts. This has absolutely been the case with my sister and I; both of us are well into our 30s, and neither of us is anywhere close to long-term financial stability. That’s why it was deeply hurtful to hear my father blame me for being unable to fly to Florida on a whim to help him clean up the house, blame me for paying $950 a month for rent, and shame me for being 35 years old without a “stable job”. Both of my parents visited me in Corvallis in late July; they could tell that I was struggling, they apologized for neglecting me, and they told me they’d be more supportive, but apparently everything they said to me then must have been an act.

Hopefully, this explanation sufficiently articulates the situation I’ve ended up in. I almost have enough money to pay my October rent, and I need to have my November rent paid by 11/5. I would have tried using Ko-Fi sooner, but in the interest of upholding my own responsibility, I wanted to exhaust my other options before resorting to donations again

#crowdfunding #financial assistance #car accident #hypothyroidism #degree completion

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago

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AITA for not wanting to hang out with my boyfriend’s best friend?

My [33F] boyfriend’s [30M] (we’ll call him R) best friend (30s M) (call him D) is chronically late but also never communicates anything. I have ADHD and like I get it. I have all the patience in the world for people who are late if they communicate they will be late. But D will never communicate anything, ever.

R and D have a standing game night on Fridays where they go for dinner and play board games. D “normally” comes between 4-5pm. He picks up his kids from school at 3:30, drops them home with his partner and then drives over. It is a 30 minute drive. But in the past, both on regular Friday meetings, and for other meetups, he has been significantly late (3 hours, once!) without saying a word all day.

R wants me to join them on Friday evenings. I don’t have a traditional ‘job’ but I am a crafter with many things to do and also, as mentioned, I have ADHD. Part of that means I really need a specific time to go and do something otherwise I will just be stuck in like “wait mode” all day unable to do anything because I don’t know when I need to stop doing it. The first time I went out with R & D I did lose the whole day (no work done) because we could get no actual information from D on when he was coming, and he ended up not arriving until after 5pm.

I told D I didn’t appreciate not being able to properly plan my day, and that providing a heads up about these things is generally considered polite. I also made it clear afterwards to R that if D continued to not communicate anything and just “turn up whenever, at some point after 4, maybe” then I would not be joining them on board game nights.

Today I once again only had “4-5ish, I guess” but by 4:30 not only was D not here but R had heard nothing from him, and suspected he had not even left. I told R I was not coming, I had already mostly lost the day - having stopped work several hours before - but I would at least be reclaiming the evening.

At 5:15 R called me to say that D had been arranging to have his partner come, and had been sorting out childcare (in the form of D’s mum). He at no point earlier in the day had said anything about this to R. In fact they hadn’t spoken at all. D then told R they would be leaving at around 5:45, so wouldn’t be here until at least 6:15.

I reiterated that I would not be coming. It was a boundary I set before and was very clear about, and was now enforcing it. D could have said much earlier that he was planning on inviting his partner, would have to arrange childcare, and would likely be later than usual. He chose not to do that, so I am choosing to not go.

R then got upset with me and said he would not be coming over to spend the night at my place the following evening (we have a normal routine on who stays where which days, and he knows unexpectedly changing that without any discussion at all will also mess with my ability to do things. The routine is important to me) because I was being unfair.

I told him, again, it’s a firm boundary for me. People who won’t communicate anything at all when you have plans (even loose ones) aren’t respecting other people’s time. Even if that’s not the intention it’s still just… rude to the other person. Other people still have lives when you’re not there, and expecting everyone else to just be ready for “whenever” you feel like showing up without a word is not ok. Again, if it happens only once in a while because Shit Happens that’s different. But if it’s every time, with everyone, forever, then really you’re just a bit inconsiderate.

R says he doesn’t feel that way because he doesn’t have anything going on so it doesn’t bother him, so he isn’t upset with D (even though I have things on, so it does impact and bother me, his partner) but he is upset with me because I am “making him feel bad”. D’s complete lack of communication and lateness is not the problem, the fact I am annoyed about it and choosing to stay home is the problem. I said it is not fair to blame me for this turn of events when (unlike D) I was VERY clear beforehand that I wouldn’t be going if this happened, and that if nothing else he should still be at least a little annoyed with D for not respecting my time after I’d already spoken to him about it.

Instead of actually sitting D down and properly telling him “look I don’t have things to do but L does and it does bother her when you don’t communicate anything so it is messing with her work when you do this and that is not ok”, R then said he just won’t invite me to anything ever again. So I can’t be upset if he’s late.

AITA for refusing to go to board game night?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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simandy · 2 years ago

Photo

SOLUTIONS! CAUSE WE’RE ALL TIRED!

So today @isjao asked me if I could post a blender file containing a basic streak mesh to make everybody’s job easier, so I thought: “why not” and decided I would post a whole zip file instead, containing the mesh + all my base textures I use when I have no patience to scroll the whole sims4studio catalog looking for the perfect texture.

The .zip file contains:

The streak mesh (modifier on);

My hand-painted base texture (EA dirty blonde, 13th swatch);

The other 23 EA swatches (if you like my version. If you have your own actions, you can recolor the base again);

My 40 PuppyCrow swatches;

A hand-painted scalp texture, if you want it. (png and dds);

Bump map and Specular map ready to go!

A text file for troubleshooting and TOU.

💕 DOWNLOAD 💕

PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING ON KO-FI OR BECOMING A PATRON. I’m trying to pay for my new ADHD meds, antidepressants and therapy, also college. Please, consider sharing too, if you can’t pay. Thank you for the support :)

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south-of-heaven · 1 year ago

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Can you write poly! The Judgement Day with a s/o who has ADHD?

Navigating || The Judgement Day x Reader

Summary: No one has ever said dealing with ADHd would be easy, but with four amazing partners by your side it becomes a little bit easier.

A/N: Like I've said before, I don't have ADHD and I really don't know a lot about dealing with it at all. If there's anything vastly incorrect please let me know so I ca change it.

Navigating life with ADHD has always presented its challenges, but having Rhea, Dom, Finn, and Damian by your side has made it a little bit easier.

Mornings are often a whirlwind of activity, and today is no different. You're darting around the kitchen, trying to make breakfast, but your mind is bouncing between a dozen different thoughts. Rhea catches your eye and gives you a knowing smile.

"Hey, take a breath," she says, walking over to you and placing a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "We've got this."

Her calming presence helps ground you, and together, you manage to put together a delicious breakfast spread. As you all sit down to eat, Dom gives you an encouraging nod, his support unspoken but deeply felt.

Throughout the day, you find yourself shifting between tasks, sometimes struggling to maintain focus. But whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, Finn is there with his gentle reminders and positive affirmations. His understanding and patience give you the boost you need to keep going.

Later in the afternoon, you're all hanging out in the living room, and the topic of organization comes up. Damian shares some of his own strategies for staying on track, and you can't help but feel grateful for his insight. He understands the challenges firsthand and offers practical solutions that resonate with you.

As the day comes to an end, you gather in your cozy space, enjoying each other's company. The support and love that radiate from this group are palpable. Rhea leans in, her fingers intertwining with yours.

"You're never alone in this," she says softly, her eyes meeting yours with unwavering assurance.

Dom nods in agreement, his smile warm and reassuring. "We're a team, remember? We've got your back."

Finn adds his voice to the chorus, his words a soothing balm for your worries. "You're strong, and we're here to help you through anything."

Damian's gaze is filled with understanding as he speaks up. "We know life isn't always easy, but we're in this together."

Tears of gratitude well up in your eyes as you take in the unwavering support of your partners. The challenges of ADHD may never fully disappear, but having these amazing individuals by your side makes every step of the journey worthwhile.

In their presence, you find the strength to embrace each day, knowing that you're not defined by your struggles, but by the love and connection you share with Rhea, Dom, Finn, and Damian. And as you settle in for the night, you're reminded once again that with them, you're never facing anything alone.

#wwe fanfiction #wwe x reader #pro wrestling #wrestling #wwe #rhea ripley x reader #rhea x reader #rhea ripley #dominik mysterio x reader #dominik mysterio #damian priest x reader #damian x reader #damian priest #finn balor x reader #finn balor #the judgement day x reader #the judgement day wwe #the judgement day

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copperbadge · 1 year ago

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[ID: Two line graphs from the ADHD phone app EndeavorOTC, showing my "focus score" over time. The first graphic shows me starting on October 7th with a score of 36, which rises steadily to a score of 59 on October 20th. The second shows my latest scores, from November 14th to today, December 5th, showing several scores of 63 and 64 but nothing higher.]

It really has been hard to know whether EndeavorOTC is having a solid impact on my focus, or whether it would be lasting if I stopped playing. The initial spike to 59 is nice but also it's in keeping with a skills improvement as you just...learn to play a video game. Since October 23, my scores have been between 61 and 64, and while that does include a recommended a two-week break, it's still a little frustrating not to be able to crack 65, to see such a visible plateau basically "since getting good at the game".

Skills plateaus are natural and I know that, so I'm not necessarily disappointed or disillusioned. As a metric, the Focus Score really just measures how good you are at hitting goals in the game; because ADHD is perception-based it's also tough to measure, outside of the game, if I'm more focused, have better executive function, etc. Especially since the company can be vague about what "improvements" we're meant to see. Which I also understand -- specificity would drive a placebo effect in addition to frustrating people who aren't mapping onto their specific trajectory. But it's still a struggle.

I don't need my headphones as often in public, or audio in general for tasks as often (I did the dishes the other day without a podcast for the first time in probably a solid decade) but that could also be medication, or just...getting older and more tolerant. I think I'm socially more inhibited, which I should note is a good thing -- I'm less likely to interrupt or backtrack to previous conversations or accidentally dominate a conversation. But again, I don't know exactly where that's coming from.

I keep telling myself I already paid for the year so I shouldn't really try to seriously assess any of this until I've been "treating" with the game for a year, which will be another four six-week treatments after this one. That does take some pressure off because the game's already paid for through October and it's only 25 minutes a day, so whether it works or not I might as well keep going.

But patience is something I am still learning, it appears. :D

#endeavor otc #adhd #sam has adhd

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miasmultifandomdump · 1 year ago

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When I was seventeen, I was in a pit. I was depressed and lonely because I had realized since entering public school for the first time that actually, I wasn't really like the other kids. Everyone told me this was the homeschooling. Really, I was neurodivergent and closeted to everyone — even myself. The once confident Mia had faded into someone confused and scared to death of rejection. I barely recognized myself in the mirror. I had always been proud of being different and now I was ashamed.

I wasn't bullied or anything. I was just constantly aware of a distance between me and the other kids. I didn't know what it was or how it got there, but it was most certainly there. I lived on the outskirts of friend groups, not beloved or rejected, just... there.

Then I stumbled upon this book written by a teacher that I'd always sort of heard of and never really tried. I was hooked from the very first line. The main character was different like me. He had ADHD and dyslexia and he was amazing — brave and unafraid to stand up for the ones he loved and all around heroic. He was like me, only the things that made him different made him the hero he was. His differences were not only accepted, they were embraced as a part of what made him who he was in the first place.

That book was The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan and it has lived in a special place in my heart ever since that first read. Honestly? Sometimes I wish I'd found it years earlier. I hope my kids, if I ever have any, fall in love with this book as much as I did and know how special they are.

Today, I made myself a bracelet with the word "Half-Blood". I used blue beads and shells because of Percy's lineage. I made it to remind myself to never give up on writing. Why would a Percy Jackson bracelet remind me to never give up writing, you may ask?

Because seventeen-year-old Mia, struggling with depression and low self-esteem, needed Percy Jackson. And maybe there's someone else out there who needs my stories like I needed Percy Jackson.

If you're an artist and you ever wonder if your art is worth it, just remember all the creatives you look up to — and imagine how your life would be different if they had given up. Art is hard work, it's time, it's effort, it's patience. Take the breaks you need, but don't give up. Your art is worth it. ♥️

#personal #percy jackson #rick riordan #writers #writblr #writers of tumblr #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #adhd #actually adhd #neurodivergent representation #adhd representation #uncle rick #all queued up with nowhere to go

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jonthink · 4 months ago

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Ornamentation and "soul" in design

Many lament the loss of great ornamentation or "soul" in design: the "intricate" carvings and patterns of handiwork that adorn nearly all mediums of art in the past:

Now, everything seems so "hellbent on minimalism".

However, I wish neither to praise nor to insult minimalism, but it has thrived recently for two gravity-like reasons...

Multi-faceted lives

For one, we now live more multi-faceted and "ADHD" lives than ever. No longer do we spend our entire lives in one culture and one line of work. We move around. We travel. We have access to more entertainment than ever. We switch jobs. We moonlight. We have hobbies. There are hundreds of activities competing for our attention every day!

Thus, a lot of the infrastructure in the background that today has "reduced" to minimalist functions. For example, a pillar serves as a load-bearing structure. Only in a more sensory-deprived time would we need to look at a pillar for entertainment. Today, we would simply take out our phones and check out one of several dozen apps. On average, we also don't nearly have enough time and patience to carve ornate features onto a wall like people did in the early 20th century and before. Even writing this blog post made me feel tired after a few minutes!

Pleasing the inevitable (?) global audience

For another, we are now a more global society, whether we like it or not. In the past, we would spend most, if not all, of our lives living in one culture and rarely ever crossing paths with another. If you were born an Englishman, you would 99% only know and do English things. If you were born Chinese, you would 99% only know and do Chinese things. Nowadays, any internet user would likely be exposed to at least a dozen different cultures around the world, without even trying or wanting!

So, it has come to the point where design is trying to be "all things to all people". Having this goal forced upon us might be the price for our globalist society. Successful design of today (and for the future) will invariably be exposed to a diverse audience of people from a wide range of cultures. As we know full well in the past few years, different people get offended by different things. Therefore, successful design has to look more "neutral" to please (or at least gain tolerance from) the most amount of people. We have less ornamentation, more flat surfaces and neutral tones today because it preserves the harmony of an increasingly multicultural populace.

It is alright to enjoy complex designs from the past in your own home. Unfortunately, in our increasingly connected world, the "clean" minimalism will continue to dominate. If you have to take on a minimalist space such as your new home, you can always decorate it with your own finishing touches. We just can't expect a new space to be "hard-coded" for us (e.g. with ornate pillars and stained-glass windows). The blank canvas requires you to add your own personal interests, all the while doing so without affecting the "resale value"!

#design #architecture #minimalism #internet #real estate #housing

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little-miss-deviant-s-diaries · 8 months ago

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Hey. What do you like about older men? What do they make you feel?

Hello there, mysterious person!

In a previous post, I mentioned being asked a similar question by a friend, but I couldn't find a satisfying answer.

This might take a bit to explain fully. Most people assume that the reason why younger women like older men is because they are financially stable or maybe because we have daddy issues. That would be partially true but not exactly the reason why. If you asked women who have dated both younger and older men, you would get a response from them saying that they find older men more mature, mentally and emotionally, confident, knowledgeable, and wise, and these women are not wrong in thinking that.

Personally, though, what really gets me is charisma. I find it incredibly appealing. Honestly, if a guy has that special charm, he can just go buy a leash because I might end up following him on all fours like a dog if he asked me. woof woof

Older men, compared to younger guys, have already discovered themselves. Most of them are not here to play (well, not talking about that kind of play ;p, I love an older naughty gentlemen!!! swoon). They tend to be more assertive and know what they want, and isn't that just extremely magnetic?

Now, let's go back to your original question: what do I like about older men? I'll start by saying, I don't exactly know what daddy issues are. So I really wouldn't say that's what caused me to be more attracted to them. However, I do look for a protector in a partner, someone who shows authority but also care,wait a second.. those attributes are something you will find in a father figure... maybe I do have a father complex. That's a topic for another time ;). FYI, I am my dad's little princess, but i am not into calling someone Daddy. I am a Sir kind of girl.(∗´ര ᎑ ര`∗)

The whole time that I have been writing this, I have been thinking about 3 characters. 2 I will share, the 3rd will be mine to keep.

A grumpy man once called me an ADHD poster child. So expect I go in and out of topics. Chaos is my second name :P.

1.Nagato from Sesame salt and pudding. A very cute manga about Haruhi, a 22-year-old machine operator, who wakes up one day to find that she drunkenly married an older man the night before. They make a deal and end up living together. I don't remember much about it besides that he was a lovely grump and he took care of her. I remember him talking about his salt and pepper hair, and since then, whenever I see an attractive older guy with that hair, I am instantly in love. I can already imagine my friend sighing and thinking I am hopeless xD.

2.Jean Girardi by saagelius

Oh man, this is divine! I wish I could repost every piece of art about him. I just found out that there is an official fanfiction about him that I will definitely read today.

The first time I saw the art, I was captivated. It was exactly what I envisioned. I won't disclose any more; the images speak for themselves.

All I'm going to say here is that they confirmed my preference. It wasn't just a fantasy; it was what I truly liked and wanted...

Enough distraction!!! Man, these men make me a mess!!!

I adore the appearance of older men. They exude the warmth of a comforting embrace. A warm hug <3. They give off an aura of reliability, as if you could wholly surrender to them, entrusting them with complete control, knowing they understand what's best for you through their experience. they can guide and lead you. I find older men's natural protectiveness endearing, and their wrinkles and white hair are quite attractive to me.They embody qualities like patience, love, and a strong appreciation for women, thanks to their extensive life experiences. Regarding your second question, it seems I've already provided a broad answer. But let me elaborate. Older men make you feel heard and valued. They can also make you feel empowered with their guidance and mentorship. You can have genuine conversations with them. They usually handle things more carefully than younger men who are still learning.

Wow... well that was a long answer. I hope i didn't make you regret asking. well thank you for asking. This was really fun to write about.

#ask #by me

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hackfurs · 1 year ago

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hey all. quick life update. i went to the doctors today and officially got diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder (which isn't shocking) and got prescribed a new medication that may help my anxiety, my depression, and maybe even my adhd. i have no idea how it will affect me, but i start it tomorrow.

i'm sorry to ask more patience of the people who are still waiting on me for art, but if i start taking these and i get hit with the gauntlet of side effects, i may not be in any condition to work until i either get told to stop taking them by my doctor or my body adjusts and they go away on their own. i may even start to act different. i'll try to keep everyone informed as best as i can.

my hope is that none of you will even be able to tell the difference. that work will still be done and you'll still get your commissions on time.

wish me luck cause i could really use a win right now

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marimelwrites · 5 months ago

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Sorry that yesterday I managed multiple replies and today my brain was like “um, no more than one.” I work a VERY physical job that requires me to be in dangerous settings (not an over exaggeration or lie - my current project requires qualifications to work it as you can die… and a person has died doing this exact project. The other things I do someone fell last week doing and ended up with a literal hole in their leg bleeding all over the place soooo) and as there’s no temp regulation and a lot is outdoors I had to walk in a literal thunder/lightning/torrential downpour today (for over a mile) and then once that stopped I had to work in high humidity and heat all day on a ship with no fan, no air flow, no AC and this is normal. Fourth day in a row I’ve come home fully sweated through all layers of clothing. So I think it fried all the energy and brainpower I had. (Yesterday I did a massive number of loads of laundry. Today? One load. That’s all I could manage.) I didn’t even have energy to watch a show I’ve watched a zillion times.

I know I’m the worst ever. Literally. I am trying. I have my son (as always) over the weekend which means writing is impossible while I have him. (He’s actually ADHD and requires my full attention at all times) PLUS F1 this weekend sooo trying to watch that while playing with my son. ANYWAY, hopefully I can write maybe?

God I’m so sorry I’m literal shit. If you have it in you to continue to have patience with me. Uh yeah… I’m… as I’ve said a billion times… I’m trying.

#ooc #this has been a psa #//im fucking awful and I hate how unreliable I am with replies #what is free time anymore?#what is energy to life?#I had the energy to shower when I walked in the door after work #that’s about all I had energy for

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tavyliasin · 6 months ago

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Get To Know Me Tag

Tagged by @eldathsgrove - thank you, and sorry I'm slow! Last song: I hadn't put my headphones on yet this morning so going to spin it up and see what we get~ Ah a strong choice, "Serenade" by Solence (link to spotify there). Very fond of the band, they land on a lot of my playlists.

Last movie: Ah I have so little patience to sit still and watch anything...my partner watched Anastasia the other day though and I was vaguely aware of that at the time so it might have to count because I can't remember!

Currently playing: Hades 2~ Not played a great deal yet but like the first it is a great deal of fun and I'm very much enjoying this one too~

Currently Reading: Mostly fic, though I struggle to focus, like everything else my brain wants to create rather than absorb. Oh ADHD, you relentless bastard... I can recommend a bunch in the comments though, we have such talent in the BG3 fic community~

Currently craving: The biggest and fanciest coffee imaginable. Load that bitch up with chocolate and caffeine and pour it directly into my mouth.

Last thing I searched for writing purposes: "bg3 spellcasting words" - I wanted to have the actual casting words for Blindness in Emperor x Volo ("Caecus te", for the curious) which is my latest "hear me out" one shot that's running long~

And my follow on tag is @morb-untamed today~

#get to know me #tag game #tag chain

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desultory-suggestions · 1 year ago

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just asking for advice, you're not forced to answer ofc

i struggle a lot with motivation, when i force myself to do things, it just doesn't feel right, and i feel so guilty about it, things like going to school or even brushing my teeth, it's all pointless and physically exhausting

idk if i'm just lazy or smt

anyway, any tips for folks with low motivation?

Hello, love! Thank you for your patience. Motivation is such a common struggle. I use some unconventional study and motivation tactics personally, as someone with ADHD and Dyslexia I have to get through a lot of nonsense to do basic things. First, you are not lazy! The idea today of laziness is very frustrating to me, and I feel is built on capitalist (and white supremacist) ideals. See the NAP Ministry.

According to The (USA) National Library of Medicine, "Executive dysfunction is commonly seen in major depression. The types of executive deficits seen in depression include problems with planning, initiating, and completing goal-directed activities." Anyone struggling with depression, whether an episode or long-term can struggle with these basic tasks. So how can we deal with this?

Some different techniques that may help:

Talk through the tasks you need to do out loud. You can discuss them in linear order or not. Don't focus on making them perfect and detailed, just explain it like you would to a friend.

Explain what you are doing as if someone is watching you/you're teaching someone. This is how I motivate myself when studying/working out/etc. and shows you that you do know what you are doing.

Break tasks down into smaller pieces to help them be more manageable, or simplify the ones that seem too complicated. (For this I need to do x, then y, then z. I don't need to overthink brushing my teeth, it's okay to just go do it.

Ask someone to be your accountability buddy. Body doubling/parallel play can be very useful. I ask my partner to brush his teeth with me so I have someone else there.

Accept that you don't need to do 100% of everything. You can't brush, floss, and use mouthwash? Okay brush for even just thirty seconds, it's better than nothing!

Utilize tools, but don't try to make it fancy. Aesthetics can be helpful and motivating, they can also apply pressure to make everything look good. Google Calendar or a messy notebook is good enough.

Surrounds tasks with cushioning time to relax. Even for little tasks, you can promise yourself rest before and after. Likewise, do enjoyable things during arduous tasks. Watch a silly video, playa. song!

Consider what the biggest obstacle is. Does it feel pointless? Do you want to do it? If not, why not? How can you change what is making you avoidant? If you do want to, what feels like it's stopping you? A specific fear? Or an impenetrable wall? These questions help define the next steps.

Accept you cannot do everything, especially not when you are suffering. You deserve help and it's okay to ask for it. Professional help is important when conquering issues with motivation whether from depression, ADHD, etc. Medications, therapy, and more can improve your mood.

Some tools I use:

Brushout - An app to help you brush your teeth for the right amount of time. Simple, and makes a nice dinging sound. Can be added as a widget to your home screen on iPhones.

Google Calendar - Also simple. Easy to click and add events and get reminders for things creeping up on you.

Mnemosyne Notebook - Ok the brand doesn't matter but the paper in this is so smooth and it makes me want to use it. But yes a notebook to organize thoughts.

Little Treats - I like to keep little snacks and treats around for working on things I have been struggling with. You don't have to wait until after, let yourself fuse joy with your efforts.

You do not need to be ashamed for struggling. No matter the reason or the manner, we all go through difficult things. Reach out, and don't give up. Feel free to ask for more information or advice again.

Best,

Evan

#asks #anon #motivation #executive dysfunction #procrastination #depressiom #adhd #education #school #studyblr #depressive episode

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