#the Nick left era was so fucking funny

[dear-space-cadet]

[forgivenpunishment]

⩥ @angelictyphoon || forgive, don't forget [x]

Nick had been dancing around the inevitable collision between himself and the older Vash—still charming, still handsome. Their first encounter was, in a word, awkward, as the younger of the Wolfwoods had trouble keeping himself together during the gathering. Between the black hair and the visitation of a grave, he hadn't had much time to reflect on his thoughts and why he thought them.

Now, with a moment alone between the two, he finally had worked up the courage to say something. He's not sure whether it will comfort or make things worse, but if there's anything he can do...

He reflects a strong sepia against the fireside—his searching eyes flickering yellow to red to shadowy black. A lit cigarette hangs from his lips as he carefully considers Grace's words and what he should say in response to them.

"Heh, I don't think I ever did forgive myself. It still bothers me sometimes—a lot of things do. Been told I'm in my head too much, and they're right," the sharp chuckle is short-lived through gritted teeth as he forces himself to continue opening up, "I fucked up a lot of things. Got the reporter and her mentor killed—I killed them. Broke Shortstack's arm real bad. Got jailed for breaking her arm, had to have them pay bail with what was left of her and Blondie's cash. Failed them when it mattered most—and I was punished for it by nearly losing myself."

Wolfwood hates thinking about the long amount of time he spent jailed by the Eye back in the world Meryl found his older counterpart. The torture, the ruminating—it was horrible.

"Beat myself up every day about it. Couldn't bear myself to move from one spot on the floor after a while of it," he looks over to meet Grace's attention, "Y'can probably relate. I nearly took it with me—the, uh, cage. Yeah."

Reliving his experience, Nick scratches the back of his head, "I uh. Well it helped having another me beat my ass. Don't think Goldie will do that for ya though." It's a joke, mostly. Of course Vashes won't resort to violence unless necessary, but it's funny to think about.

"So, I never forgave myself, no. But I did think about how the people who, for whatever reason, cared about me, and I thought of how I needed to protect them with all I had left... Beating myself up about everything only made them feel worse. Eventually love took the place of self-loathing—but, as you saw, it's still there. Dormant."

With a smokey sigh, he finishes his extrapolation, "If you let them—us—whoever—in, maybe you can enter the next era of your long life. Put a big ol' marker on the day you left your chains behind," Nick clears his throat, "Your friends'll always be with you. You carry on their legacies and stuff. Do what'd make them happy, and the days get a little brighter."

[giomagnetism]

180 splat questions for spencer: [tier 0] 12; [tier 2] 10, 27; [tier 4] 3, 30; [tier 5] 5, 20

180 Splatoon OC Questions

12. Favorite type of music?

I think the best answer I can give to this one's "evocative". She doesn't really care about the quality or the genre—though of course she likes high-intensity driving stuff in line with what she makes—and her choice is about as performative as it isn't. Yeah, she unironically likes Taylor Swift. That's because Taylor Swift and especially her early music epitomizes a certain type of femininity and relationship with it, someone with a particular type of girlhood, that hits her where it hurts. Same reason why there's a lot of Avril Lavigne and the like in her library. They might not be "good", but they give her access to a yearning she doesn't usually allow herself, which is what she wants out of music in the first place. Sometimes it's good to scream her lungs out in anger, sometimes it's better to strum along to a life she didn't get to live without a caveat.

She pingpongs around eras as well; while you wouldn't catch her listening to anything but tiktok musicians and girl power anthem bullshit in public, she has a respectable familiarity with 60s/70s/80s music that she draws on for her own compositions. Some of her family got her listening and she figured out she liked the type of musical ideas on display.

10. How often are they in swim form? How does it feel to them?

Spencer's one of those weirdos who would rather be in basal form if she can help it. Who wouldn't want to just fold over and lay on the ground after a bad shift. When she's such an active runner and using it often as she does it's just easier, both to hold together and drop the act of being "put-together" while she's in it. Which is to say it's a comfort to her personally, and she's in it almost about as often as she isn't—given she isn't nursing a wound or anything, ahem, sometimes she'll just lounge around in basal form when she isn't doing anything otherwise.

27. Any body modifications they have or want to get? What’s the story behind them?

Wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy—most of them are hard to find for a reason! Right now Spencer has septum and eyebrow piercings, and by the time she's thirty, a tongue piercing and four tattoos. I'm sure she'll acquire a lip piercing and more ink at some point past that tbh. Not all of them have remarkable stories behind them (yet, at least) because she kind of just went "I can do whatever the fuck I want, now" and then did whatever the fuck she wanted. One of her tattoos was acquired to match with Bernadine and Dacey, a music note behind her left ear; she has another miniature one, a simplified crow, on her right ankle. Later she gets a tramp stamp another at the base of her spine and then a decorative Salmonid glyph-inspired pair of fish on top of her ribs. (For lack of a better anatomical term?)

3. Any scars? How did they get them?

Plenty—at least temporarily. She collects ink-stains and bite marks like she's magnetized to attract them, but the nature of Inkling regeneration is, they tend to fade. I'm sure she has some nicks and more permanent bites but I just haven't bothered to draw them.

And then of course there's the one that circumnavigates her right thigh because it turns out maws bite, actually. But the specifics of how she got that you'll have to wait around and find out!

30. Who do they text or call most often?

Question that's stupidly funny for secret reasons, godbless. It's definitely one of the band members (although I wouldn't be surprised if Grizzco. had some form of texting service to update runners on announcements, emergency notices, that sort of thing? or if it'd have a Splatnet-type widget that updated automatically... whichever way, she opts into those) but... you know, they and her parents are literally the only people who even have her contact info. I'd wager Bernadine but Spencer's just as often in her physical company, so it very well might be Steve, who is the band's main organizer and coordinator and Spencer's go-to person to ask for favors in the unlikely event she doesn't just do it herself.

Yeah, sure, eventually it's Shiloh, but why bother with giving someone your number when fate just glues you together? It's not like either of them are just gonna up and vanish!

5. Anything from their childhood that they still have?

That's. hmm. I don't think she had a lot of things in her childhood to begin with, not that didn't belong to another person or place and she had little more than liberty to borrow. The room in her parents' house which technically belongs to her has plenty of memorabilia they bought for her as a child that has sat collecting dust for a very long time. I'm sure there's a few things she brought with her when she moved out—the start of her collections, stuff she never put up on walls—but most of them were likely more recent acquisitions. Plane tickets, maybe, or knickknacks from some of the towns she lived in, markers of how many times she's walked through a place she couldn't linger. (If you're asking this because you remember something I don't and I do have an answer for this... my bad!)

20. What’s their favorite place they’ve been to? What makes it special?

If asked this to her face, she'd tell you she had no attachment or affection for anywhere she'd stayed, and she'd mean it. Spencer does not cultivate ties. Not to persons, not to places; she tells herself she wants for nothing and does not think about things long enough to do so. But she does, of course; things leave her mark on them whether or not she's cognizant of it. Her hometown and the radius in which her family spread out around it means a lot to her, more than she realizes (nevermind is able to admit) for quite a long time—she's bitter about her childhood, but it wasn't actually miserable, and given the chance to revisit it (with the benefit of hindsight, a little loosening up, and a life she now likes living)... she comes to terms with that.

Basically, it snows up there, and she really does yearn to stuff snow down someone's shirt again.

The answer does change again, though, after she spends awhile traveling—there's a lot of really pretty and interesting and memorable places out there, after all, and she'd never balk at the chance to go visit them again. Though in either case, she has to admit: it isn't so much the physical spot which makes it "special" as it is having someone with her she doesn't mind sticking around.

[malereader-inserts]

Greetings from the Avengers’ Base

Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Avengers & Male!Reader Summary: How you got close to the original six Avengers Word Count:  1,291 Request:  I saw ur post & thought... maybe how the reader got to know each avenger and how they became friends / a team. Some fluffy friendship shorts :3 Love ur writing, bo <3 A/n: FUCK CANON TIMELINE, WE’RE MAKING OUR OWN.

Being an orphan teenager with nothing better in your life going for you, it’s hard.

It’s strange when you’re a superhero and currently living at Avengers, under the parental care of Nicholas Fury, who has expressed that does not mean you can call him dad. Not that you wanted to anyway. You’ve been an Avenger since you were fourteen, when the first time the Avengers got together, you were part of the original group. 

At first, it was daunting, no one understood why you were there and there were times you wondered why you were there too. You were too young and especially fighting for the world. You proved yourself, immensely, to the team. One by one they took turns to get to know you. They didn’t want to overwhelm you.

Tony took you under his wing, seeing a bright young man with a bright future ahead of him. He helped you with school work, he acted like a father to you. Just because the constant thought that ran through Tony’s mind was that he would be a better father than his father will ever be. He would drop anything, press meetings, conference, anything if you asked him to come play catch with him. 

You looked up to Tony, you saw a side of him not many people see. You enjoyed hanging around his tower, you were fascinated with JARVIS. You watched how Tony would ramble with his robots, you got friendly with Dum-E. 

You would always see Tony as your dad, in fact, Tony has been fighting for your custody, to finally adopt you. It shocked Pepper and Rhodey that he wanted to do this in his own accord.

“I’m gonna make you a Stark, one day kid.”

You smiled, leaning against his lab desk, “Good luck on that, papers are hard to convince even if you’re a billionaire.”

“A challenge worth defeating.”

Steve was the one the came around next, whilst he heavily disapprove you being part of the team, he started to get close to you when you were asking his time back in his era. You were heavily invested in your history class and when the 30s came as a topic, you knew who to ask about the times. It was nice to Steve, it allowed him to think about his days. 

He likes the modern times, but he misses when times were simpler. It’s still hard for him to grasp new concepts. Then, you started to gush about his drawing that you begged him to teach you, you were a blast to be with. Whilst he taught you how to draw, you taught him the new stuff. You kept him young and never left him confused, for that he was eternally grateful for you. In fact, to this day you were still helping him out.

“So, what is tumblr?”

“Hell.”

“Wha-?”

“Just don’t touch it, Steve.”

Bruce was easy to get along when Tony was busy and you needed help on your science homework, Bruce was the next best thing. Whilst you were above average in intelligence, sometimes Bruce can lose you at times. But, once Bruce got over his fear of accidentally hulking out on you, he would talk non stop.

He’s actually a funny guy.

He can help you with Biology and Chemistry, even if you just wanted additional readings to get ahead of your peers, but when you come bouncing into the labs asking about Physics, you’ve never seen Bruce light up brighter than a Christmas tree. He gets way into it, it makes you laugh because, after a long rant - where has most definitely lost you, he looks at you asking if you got that.

To which you blankly stare at him and say no.

“Really?”

“Yeah, sorry, Bruce,” You apologised as he waves you off.

“It’s okay, I’ll go slower this time...”

“Oh god.”

Thor was confused to why a baby is on the team, after all, age is different between the two realms. You had to explain that you weren’t a babe, that you were a pre-teen and that you’re actually grown to an extent. Nevertheless, Thor had to adjust to Midgard life for a bit, that means you would experiment cooking on the poor God. You were alright at cooking at least for someone at your age. 

But, there are days you feel devious where you would cook something that would be horrendous and make Thor taste it, sometimes it backfires on you and you would put together a really delicious meal, other times it becomes successful and you would see Thor’s nice exterior crumble a little bit before nicely saying it tastes good.

“How is it?”

“It’s something...” Thor says before smiling with food in his mouth, “It’s really good, (Y/n)!”

“Thanks!” Turning your back to giggle to yourself as Thor spits it in a napkin, only to give you a thumbs up when you turn back to look at him.

Clint and Natasha were different, they were constantly busy with work that they barely got to know you until they got stuck babysitting you. You had loudly got on the wrong side of Fury causing him to ground you and the two spies to look after you. It was their punishment went a mission almost went wrong. 

You were pissy with them, like any other teenager going through teenage angst. You got on both the spies’ nerves, until one day you sat down and it seems like you calm down, you were easy for Clint and Natasha to handle until you heard swears and shouting coming from Nick’s office. You grin to yourself as you grabbed both the wrist of each spy and bucked it out of the room you were occupying.

Turns out, in your protest of being grounded, you decided to prank Nick. And because you couldn’t alone at the SHIELD base, you dragged both spies around with you. It got to the point that the spies were showing you hiding spaces and even helping you prank their superior. 

At the end of the day, when Nick finds you in the room, he asked what you’ve been doing. You show him that you’ve been doing homework and drawing for Steve. Fury can’t prove you wrong as the two spies back you up.

“He hasn’t done anything wrong, Boss,” Clint says, forcing his mischievous smile to be concealed.

“It’s been a brat, but he’s been doing what we’ve told him to do,” Natasha backs it up.

You looked at him angelic like, “I’ve been good today.”

Nick looked annoyed, “Sure you have.”

So, as the years continued, more people joining the team, no one has gotten close to than the original six of seven members of the team. You’ve made friends with Vision, Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Peter, Rhodey, but no one got as close to you as the six of them did. 

So, here you stood with a party hat on your head, smiling to your family. You were living in the new Avengers’ base, it wasn’t the tower anymore, but it’s better to have somewhere to live. There are banners hanging about, saying happy birthday. Confetti and balloons sprawled on the floor, the lights are dimmed down and strobe lights flashing.

There’s a pile of presents, one that contains official adoption papers. Tony is holding the cake, it’s lit up with candles, the team is standing around or behind Tony, facing the celebrant, the kid who was heart and soul of the team.

“Happy Birthday (Y/n)!” They exclaimed.

You’re now eighteen, it’s been four years with the team, nothing can ruin your family, nothing can go any better than his. You’re happy, so they’re happy too.

“Make a wish!”

And so you did.

[thevindicativevordan]

On Supergirl

Figured I should put up my thoughts about Kara in the wake of her first film appearance being announced, and the final season of her TV show fast approaching. Short version is: Kara is very cool and DC needs to stop messing with her. 

My Introduction to Kara

I was introduced to Kara the way most millennials/Gen Zers were I imagine, via the Loeb Superman/Batman arc which brought the traditional Kara Zor-El Supergirl take into Post-Crisis continuity, after years of DC attempting to have a “Supergirl” without violating the editorial mandate that Kal needed to be the literal “Last Son of Krypton” (an example of one of the dumb ways DC fucked Kara over). Story goes that one day Dan Didio was in line at the Superman ride at Six Flags (I love that ride even though it’s stolen my glasses every time I’ve ridden it, even when I left them in a locker!). The ride had signs that talked about various Superman characters. Didio was reading the entry for Supergirl where it talked about her not being Clark’s cousin but instead some weird merge of alien shapeshifter, angel, and human girl, and he realized how fucking stupid that was, and he went back to the office and told Loeb to bring Kara back. 

Years later I would also be standing in line at the Six Flags Superman ride (probably at a different park location but who knows?) as a youngster and would read the new Supergirl sign that trumpeted that Superman had a cousin who shared all his powers, an update reflecting the new Loeb origin. I thought she sounded pretty cool, made a note to see if my library had any Supergirl stories next time I visited, then got on the Superman ride and promptly lost my glasses like an idiot because I wanted to take them off while I was riding and pretend I was changing from my “disguise” into Superman mid flight. My dad grounded me for this afterwards, but it gave me a funny story to tell at family get togethers and isn’t that what Six Flags is all about?

A month later (and with spiffy new glasses), my mom dropped me off at a new library next to where she worked, and they had one of the best Superman collections I’ve ever seen to this day. I was in heaven and while reading every Superman book I could find (I couldn’t check them out because I didn’t have a card, my mom’s card didn’t cover the area the library was in, and my mom wouldn’t have checked them out anyway since comics were “too violent”), I found the trade collecting Kara’s new origin. I read it and I thought both she and Superman were really cool, and Batman was a  punk who had to beat Darkseid by cheating, the loser. Turner’s art to my young eyes was the best I had ever seen, and the panels got engraved into my brain. 

I still get downright nostalgic whenever I see Turner Superman or Supergirl stuff. I also got my parents to rent the animated movie adaption of the Superman/Batman arc from Blockbuster (remember those?), and that sealed the deal. Seeing Kara hold her own against Darkseid convinced me she was as cool as her cousin. Next time my mom dropped me off at the library next to her workplace, I went looking for Supergirl stuff to read. I found the first volume of her new volume by Joe Kelly taking place after the Loeb arc and dove in.

It was... weird. 5 years later I might have enjoyed it but at the time I was majorly put off. Kara took a secret identity for a day and then ditched it because it was “stupid” and the kids bullied her. She was always getting into fights with Kal, and there was this weird plot that I couldn’t follow about how her dad had sent her to kill Kal, maybe or maybe not? Also she could grow crystals which I thought was dumb, and said she was stronger than her cousin which I couldn’t buy for a second given he looked like he was carved out of marble, and she looked like she relied on sunlight instead of food. I put the volume back on the shelf and kinda gave up on reading the character after that for a while. 

I followed her via the DC wiki updates just like I did Superman, and everything I read seemed dumb and convoluted. She was split in two, moped around a lot, made out with an alternate version of her cousin, and basically just flopped about the same way the rest of the Superfamily did during the 00s. Nothing made me think I had made a mistake dropping Kara until I read the latest update to her wiki page.

I was super into what I was reading about the Busiek/Johns era of Superman online. Lex was back and making a big revenge scheme that involved all the other Rogues! Old Superman Rogues were getting revamped and made cool again! Johns reintroduced Brainiac and made him a big threat, with Kal and Kara teaming up to fight him! Busiek was revamping Prankster and telling big ambitious Superman stories! For the first time in a long while, the consensus on the Internet was that Superman was good again. My “home” library had zero Marvel books and no Superman or Batman books, all their DC stuff was Flash or Green Lantern, mainly written by Johns. Insane to think back on now. My hopes that because Johns was involved with Superman, Superman books would show up at my library were fulfilled. They started bringing in Busiek and Johns collections, and someone there also ordered Sterling Gates’ first volume of Supergirl, and I checked everything out since I was old enough to have my own library card, and my parents were worried more about the violent video games I was playing rather than comics.

I read everything and loved it. I also really liked Gates’ take on Kara. She was still an imperfect teenager but she wasn’t insufferably angsty or constantly fighting with Kal. She was going to give the secret identity another try and Lana had “adopted” her. It’s funny remembering how I enjoyed all that given my current thoughts on how Kara should work, but it was great at the time. I liked Gates introducing new foes for Kara, some classic Superman Rogues adapted for her like Bizzarogirl, others crafted specifically for her like Reactron. Gates’ basically rekindled my enjoyment of Kara the same way Busiek & Johns rekindled my enjoyment of Superman.

Of course it ended terribly like everything Superman-related seems to.

I’ve got a whole post I want to do about New Krypton and what came after. In short that is the most blatant example of “hitting the reset button” that I’ve ever seen. All the potential got wasted, and afterwards everything except Lex’s Action Comics stuff just didn’t appeal to me. Gates got booted off Kara for Nick Spencer who ended up leaving himself later, a promising Teen Titans line-up with Kara on it didn’t happen, and the last proper Pre-Flashpoint Superfamily story was a crappy team-up with Doomsday against Bigger Doomsday (thank God for Cornell’s final Luthor/Superman confrontation at least). When news of the reboot arrived, I was honestly happy. The Superline needed an enema.

Controversial opinion time: I liked New 52 Supergirl. It’s weird because a lot of the stuff I hated about Kelly’s run was here, and a lot of the stuff I loved about the Gates’ run was not. This was angry, moody, emotional Kara again, fighting with Kal and not fond of Earth. But I was in my teens at this point, and I didn’t want happy go-lucky Superman or Supergirl. I wanted my heroes angry, scared of the future, ready to go out there and smash some cars. Morrison’s Action Comics was 100% my jam (still is once I really understood the deeper meaning beneath the work) and this Kara felt like a natural fit for this universe. Plus we got Asrar on art and that guy made it damn pretty to look at, lots of cool science fiction stuff going on, even with the dumb H’el storyline.

I loved all the new Rogues Kara got. I loved her new Fortress under the ocean. I loved how traumatized she was by the loss of Krypton, that she wanted more than anything to go home, that her cousin was like a stranger to her since they had been apart for so long. I found all of that incredibly relatable. A lot of the New 52 Supergirl stories might have been schlock but it was my type of schlock damnit, and I enjoyed it!

I kept with her New 52 series all the way through the Red Daughter Saga (which I loved). As someone who grew up on Johns GL (since that was the only comics my home library had), seeing a Supercharacter join a Lantern Corp was the hypest thing ever. I loved the finale about Kara finally letting go of her anger and losing the ring while smashing her foe into the sun, it was incredibly cathartic for me as an angry teen myself. I finally stopped following her series sometime after since I was no longer enjoying the Superline or really DC as a whole. It wasn’t until I heard that New 52 Superman died and the “old” Superman was back, that I checked back into DC.

DC Rebirth & How I Think Kara Should Work

I did not enjoy Supergirl Rebirth, and I think I’ll talk about my problems with it alongside how I think Kara as a character should work since the two are related. A pet peeve of mine that has formed over the years is this: I don’t like it when Superfamily members get turned into Clark clones. Kon wearing glasses and going to Smallville High. Kara going to high school and being involved in journalism. Jon more or less being written as a copy of his dad personality-wise. I hate that kind of stuff because it’s boring. What’s the point of a Superfamily if everyone is just copying Clark? It also doesn’t fit the characters especially in Kara’s case. Why the hell does she want to be a journalist? Were there journalists on Krypton? I don’t remember ever seeing one! Shouldn’t she want to be, I dunno, a scientist? That seems to have been the El family tradition, wouldn’t she have been groomed for that?

This one-off by Shea is honestly the only acceptable outcome for Kara going into journalism for me. She realizes she’s just copying her cousin and switches to something she wants to do. So Orlando copying the show, which already basically turned Kara into an expy of her cousin, just did not appeal to me at all. What had worked for me under Gates way back when was not clicking for me this time. I wanted to see Kara embody the principles of the S-shield in a different way than her cousin did. So I really enjoyed when Rebirth ended and we moved into the Bendis era with Andrekyo relaunching the title as Kara in space.

Kara in space has always felt like a good fit for me. Unlike Kal I’ve come to believe that Kara really shouldn’t be all that fond of Earth. For him it’s home, but for her it’s just where she ended up after her real home got destroyed. I think Kara works well as a sort of nomad, occasionally making stops back home to Earth to check on her cousin, but otherwise? She’s more comfortable out in space than she could ever be on Earth. Out in space she can be Kryptonian (which is what she should think of herself as in contrast to Clark being torn between his Kryptonian biology and human upbringing, and Jon/Kon identifying as human), be her true self, not have to pretend to be human to fit in. Kara founding a moon refuge was one of the best ideas for her that I’ve seen, I would love if DC made her Future State refugee center on the moon canon. I’m excited for more Kara adventures in space with the upcoming Tom King story.

Also love that her and Krypto are getting tied together, if they don’t want to use Krypto in Superman’s stuff, let her have him! Bring on cosmic adventurer Supergirl!

Personality & Other Traits

Kara to me should be more hot-tempered than her cousin. All the Superfamily members should have a temper in my opinion, I see that as the “Deadly Sin” of Superman and his family. But while Kal is like a simmering pot that will explode if it’s left cooking for too long, Kara is like dynamite. Light her fuse at your own peril because she will go off on you.

I also like the idea of Kara being rash. Kal’s got a maturity that came from over a decade of having to live with Lex Luthor constantly getting away with all his evil schemes. He’s patient because he’s been forced to be. Kara? If you ask for her help she’ll give it, but beware because she doesn’t really care about the long term impacts of her decisions. She’s an invulnerable teenager after all.

Really liked that Venditti Annual where Kara got tutored in history by a reincarnation of Hawkman. Kara having a passion for history is a neat trait, would be nice to see her teach Kal or Jon some Kryptonian lore, or have her lead a Kryptonian holiday celebration for the Superfamily because she’s the only one who remembers how to do it. 

Sexuality wise I know a lot of people ship Kara and Lena on account of the chemistry between the two in the show. I haven’t watched the show myself but I’m fine with making Kara bisexual, the Superfamily could use some LGBT+ rep, and Lena hasn’t done anything of worth as a villain, so undo that and throw the two together. If we’re letting Harley and Ivy get away with murder I think we can let Lena off the hook too, undo the Ultrawoman weirdness and put the two together. Could be fun seeing the two building that moon refuge together.

All in all I think Kara is a great character who is a stronger embodiment of the immigrant experience than even her cousin in some ways. I hope King does a good job with her, she’s treated better than her cousin on the film side, and that overall the 20s are a better decade for Supergirl than the 10s were.

[purplesurveys]

1131

survey by lilprincess

Approx. Time you began this survey: 6:46 on a Wednesday evening.

Describe your mood right now: Erm, a bit exhausted because I just ended a work shift; but content for the same reason. Right now I’m simply looking forward to dinner and crashing on the couch or my bed, wherever I feel like sleeping tonight.

Spell your first name without vowels: Rbn. Let’s just also remove y for this one.

Age you will be on your next birthday: 23.

Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

Do you believe what your horoscope says about your sign? I do not believe in astrology whatsoever.

What state/region do you live in? Somewhere in the Philippines somewhere close to Metro Manila.

Height: Like 5′1″ ish. I had a massive growth spurt in 4th grade that also ended in 4th grade, which will always be a funny story to tell people lmao. I went from being placed at the back of the class line to the front really quickly.

Do you smoke? Super occasionally. My last cigarette was like...all the way back in February last year. It was easier to hide the smell around my family before, but because my parents and siblings have mostly been staying at home in the last year it would be so easy to weed out the smell. I never feel like smoking anyway since I vape, so there’s been no reason to seek it out.

Do you drink? Yeah, sometimes socially and sometimes on my own if I wanna unwind and feel a lil buzz come through.

What's your ethnic background? Southeast Asian, specifically Filipino.

What's your religious background? Technically my ~background~ would be Catholic since I was born and baptized in that faith, but I’ve long let go of this. Excluding one very brief period in high school, religion was something I never held much belief and faith in, even if I've been taken to literally every Sunday mass for the last 23 years and even if I was enrolled in Catholic school from preschool to high school.

What's your natural hair color? Black.

What;s your natural eye color? Dark brown, almost black.

Do you have any bad habits you want to break? I do overtime work a lot but used to seldom file it on our company shift log sheet because I get shy that they must think I’m doing it just to be paid more, lol. I’m starting to file them every time I do OT though because fuck it, pay me.

Name a few of your positive habits. I like that I always find a way to meet deadlines. I like that I’m selfless, even though some would see it as a flaw. I’d rather do too much than say I never did anything at all.

Have you ever lived in a foreign country? No, the most I’ve done was travel to one for a week.

Did you vote in the Nov. 6 2012 presidential election? No because I am not American -___- The last election that took place before I was eligible was in 2010, and had I been able to vote then, I would’ve given mine to Gibo Teodoro, who I believe was the most qualified at the time.

Are you even eligible to vote? Yeah, I’ve been for the last 5 years. I’ve voted twice - once for the presidential elections back in 2016, and the next was for the senatorial elections in 2019.

Are you right handed or left handed? Right-handed.

When you write, is your penmanship usually neat or do you tend to scribble? It starts off neat for the most part, but it gradually gets messy and becomes more like a scribble if we’re talking about writing several essays in one sitting, which was usually the case in my exams in college.

Have you ever experienced an accident? (of any type): Sure, I’ve been in car accidents before. I’ve also been shocked once.

Do you have/want children? They would be nice to have, yeah. 

Are you environmentally conscious? For the most part, yeah. But there are some things that can’t be helped, like me driving. Unless the government does something about the shitty public transport system that we have and have had for decades, I refuse to take it.

What's your favorite mode of transportation? Like I said, my own car. If I’m traveling, by plane.

Do you prefer 80's - 90's music compared to today's music? Eh, not at all. I prefer music produced these days.

Are you more of an introvert (quiet/shy), or extrovert (social butterfly)? I’ve been more of an extrovert in the last few years but I will always be shy at first upon meeting new people, like that will never change. I warm up a lot quickly now, though.

What's your favorite emoticon? :)

Do you miss the good old days of hand-written letters? I caught the super super super last part of this era, so I didn’t even get to experience it. I know snail mail was still kind of a thing when I was a kid, but at the same time that was happening my mom was also already using email to keep in touch with my dad, so.

Nowadays, though, when I do write letters to loved ones, I will still prefer to make handwritten ones, especially for a significant other or best friend. I don’t think I’ve ever sent out a computerized long letter.

Do you enjoy receiving or giving more? Giving, but it’s nice to be treated too sometimes.

Are you good at keeping secrets? Sure.

Do you take or give advice more often? I don’t usually get into situations wherein I’d have to do either, but I think I’ve been asking for advice more, especially over the last few months.

Do you have your driver's license? “I got my driver’s license last week, just like we always talked about...” Haha this question made me sing a bit. Anyway, yeah, I got it shortly after I turned 18 since I needed to quickly learn before college started.

Would you rather be poor & happy or rich but miserable? Rich but miserable. Soz but I’d solve 4854983594857 of my problems if I never had to worry about money.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Never.

Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Probably not blocked, but I’ve unfollowed some current Facebook friends and unfriended others entirely.

Do you think recreational marijuana should be nationally legalized? Idk much about the topic since it’s taboo enough where I live, but sure, I guess?I haven’t heard one bad word about the effects of marijuana.

Describe your perfect first date. I’ve never really had a first date, but I imagine an ideal one would be pretty lowkey, just a stroll around a nice city and maybe have fancyish dinner somewhere.

Have you ever been high? Nope.

Have you ever watched a NC-17 rated film? Sure. A good handful of Kubrick films pass for NC-17, right? I’d be surprised if they weren’t, lol. I’ve been scarred by some of them for sure.

If you ever become reincarnated as an animal, what would you want it to be? A dog.

Do you remember where you were/what you were doing on September 11, 2001? No; I was 2 years old. I did ask my parents where they were in those moments, and my mom understandably missed most of it since the entire thing unfolded in the late evening in the Philippines. The only thing she can recall was being insanely worried for my dad, who had just started to work in the US back then.

Do you ever wish you were of a different nationality/religion? Yeah, to a certain extent, just because the political and socioeconomic situation here is very messy and it doesn’t really give us the nicest reputation in front of the world. I’m proud of my Filipino culture and heritage though.

Are you more of a junk food addict or health nut? Health nut is the last thing anyone should be calling me. But I’m not so much a junk food addict either? I do like spoiling myself with food, but I still monitor my intake.

Do you believe Antarctica should be considered the 7th world continent? Isn’t it already though?? We’ve always been taught there were 7 continents and Antarctica is one of them lol.

Describe your own sense of humor in 1 word: Gen-Z, if that counts as one word.

Have you ever quoted the Bible (or any other Holy Book)? If I ever did it was probably meant to be sarcasm.

Have you ever completed a Sudoku puzzle? No. Never figured out how to play it either.

Would you rather be a nuclear physicist or marine biologist? Marine biologist. That’s one step closer to one of my loves, biology. Plus I was never any good with physics, so.

Do you have a deep, dark secret you're hiding from every one? I guess.

Would you rather be able to soar like an eagle or swim like a dolphin? I’d make my childhood self happy and go with flight.

If you wanted to learn a foreign language, what would it be? Korean so I can finally stop reading subs, hahah.

Are you bi-curious? No.

Did you watch the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon more as a kid? The Nickelodeon cartoons were far more interesting to me. I think I only got into Disney when I got a little bit older, once I was able to appreciate the more mature content in shows like The Suite Life, That’s So Raven, etc. But for the most part our TV was always tuned into Nick Jr., Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron and the other Nick shows.

Name 5 films that were made the year you were born: American History X (great watch), The Truman Show, Mulan, La Vita e Bella if I’m not mistaken (one of my faves, no matter how gut-wrenching it is), and Shakespeare in Love.

Did you have a lot of friends in high school? Yes, eventually I did.

Do you rely more on the newspaper, Internet or TV as your news source? Social media these days since I find that online writers are far more discerning in their reporting than TV anchors, who stay neutral at best.

True or false: Bigger is better. Very vaguely put, but not always, I guess.

Do you think religion is the primary cause of war? No? There’ve been plenty other reasons for war.

What's your favorite pizza topping? ...Cheese.

Think of your wardrobe. What color do you wear the most? It’s still black, I think.

Have you ever been to a planetarium? Just once, on a middle school field trip. I’d love to come back, though.

Do you feel like you connect more with animals or other people? I don’t get to be with animals a lot other than my dogs, so I’ll go with people.

Do you feel like sometimes you have to lie in order to protect yourself? Wow so dramatically put haha but yeah, I suppose it does feel that way sometimes.

How often do you exercise? Literally never. I’ve stopped working out this year since I didn’t see the point, and I’ve stopped feeling like I had to ‘get back’ at my ex just by getting a more toned figure. I’m totally at peace with how my body looks, plus I never want to give up on my favorite foods and snacks lol so there’s that.

Can you swear in a different language? Putangina mong bobo kang gago ka. That’s three for ya.

Do you think teachers/doctors deserve to get paid more than pro athletes? Everyone deserves to be paid fairly to the point that no comparison should be necessary, period.

From a scale of 1- 5, you would rate this survey: Erm, a 4.5. I had to delete some questions I didn’t feel comfortable answering or that I found a little meh, but the rest I fairly enjoyed.

Do you think most of these questions were more original or more ordinary? It’s a bit in between.

Approx. time you completed this survey: Hahahahah 10:38 PM. I took a million breaks.

[martian-martian-martian]

I saw there were no timestamps for LESTAT: THE MUSICAL online so I bit the bullet and watched it for the first time and recorded this iconic bullshit myself in a play-by-play P.1

(WARNING: this is all bullshit that I found funny or interesting, apologies if not all the stamps are helpful.) I spent two hours on this so please reblog or like it. Part TWO will come soon.  (I also commented the stamps ON the youtube comments for the video so you can use them there for convenience.) 

Tagging all the vampire chronicles (??? related) people I know: @cara--corvaia , @lestatthebiprince @i-want-my-iwtv @vamp-prince-mikhael @tomorrow--mourning @moasfuck @hotvampiregoss @fuckinglovemanga @theweightwecarry @just-another-vcblog @thevampirelesthot @her-golden-hair Sorry to bother you if you dont know me, this is just a blatant ploy to befriend you all, and also, did I mention, you’re cool by the way. 

2:57 - Lestat can’t get his knife back in its fucking sheathe 3:22 - Lestat’s dad looks like Geralt of Rivia and you can’t change my mind. 4:00 - Gabrielle is That Bitch P.1 5:00 - Nicholas?!?! *scooby-doo “AROOO?” noise*   5:50 - Gabrielle is That Bitch P.2 SHE can BELT, y’all 6:10 - Lestat literally left 2 seconds ago and Gabi sings about how he’s gone. 

8:33 - First clap of the night, thank god, it was way too quiet so far 

8:52 - the stupidest fucking hats ive ever seen 

9:08 - Lestat is called a “country boy” and NICHOLAS!!!! 

9:40 - titties joke 

9:50 - this dude in a BERET is sending me, what ERA is he FROM what the FUCKKK 

10:00 -  someone’s head blocks the gay agenda 

10:38 - “yo dawg i heard you liked bad acting so i put some bad acting in your bad acting so you could badly act while you badly act” 

11:50- the audience laughs at obvious ‘only one bed trope’ that is obvious 

12:20 - Nicholas possibly fucked himself with a violin? 

12:33 - pig noises 

13:05 - the audience laughs at obvious Top Nicholas 

13:50 - catholicism 

14:05 - thats GAYYYYYYY p.1 

14:40 - JUMPSCARE 

14:50 - Lestat is bitten by this rando and cums instantly 

15:00 - thirsty boi om nom nom 

16:43 - Lestat can have a little kiss, as a treat. 

16:55 - “Well, I’m out” *creates fire out of nowhere, walks through it, and dies* 

20:10 - every time he says ‘thirst’ take a shot no just kidding dont haha unless… 

22:19 - one guy in the audience tries to clap then stops 

24:06 - “MOM, ITS MY TURN TO USE THE NICHOLAS” 

25:00 - tender ass love ballad is a tender ass love ballad 

29:00 - coming out to your mom as dead 

30:00 - Gabrielle’s voice gives me literal chills 

32:20 - do NOT laugh do NOT laugh this is NOT funny at all this is serious 

33:30 - Mulan 

33:55 - Gabrielle is That Bitch P.3 she really out here 

34:50 - Moooo-ooom, you’re embarrassing me. 

35:50 - Gabrielle is That Bitch P.4 

37:00 - antonio banderas the 300 year old EDGY BOY 

40:26 - armand has a teen voice crack (“thousands of yEaRs”) 

42:20 - this random person shoots their shot at armand and gets nerfed 

43:19 - “you would be beautiful if someone held you under a waterfall for several hours” HGHJGGHGHGHJGJH why would you say that?! 

43:35 - humans pretending to be vampires tell vampires to pretend to be humans pretending to be vampires. 

44:29 - armand drops nicholas like a sack of potatoes and made me laugh 

46:00 - that moment when suck your boyfriend too hard ladies amirite no wait  never mind he’s dying this is bad actually 46:40 thru 

50:00 -  vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be vampires BUT MAKE IT A HIGHSCHOOL MODERN DANCE SHOWCASE 

50:50 - armand said: nice theater. shame if i were to….steal it hundreds of years later. 

51:12 - thats GAYYYYYYY p. 2  X2 BONUS DOUBLE WHAMMY 

51:45 - they literally said “Nick was so pure his brain exploded rip” 

53:12 - get PWN’D armand you slut 

56:12 - if you listen closely you can hear my heart breaking 

57:00 - Gabrielle is That Bitch P.5 this whole song is bamf material 

58:55 - long-ass head kiss 

59:00 - “I DID NOT GIVE YOU THE DARK GIFT SO THAT YOU COULD WALK AWAY FROM ME.” 

 “I GAVE YOU THE GIFT OF LIFE KNOWING SOME DAY YOU WOULD WALK AWAY FROM ME!” 

1:00:30 - Gabrielle is That Bitch P.6 INCREDIBLE BELT 

1:00:50 - everyone is clapping! Clapping! Oh god, wait! Oh god they’re kissing! He’s kissing his mom! Clapping...peters out… you hear people go ‘oh’.... he is… kissing his mom...clapping...ends… 

1:01:00 - “I love you my son.” people laugh because incest 

1:04:19 - world’s saddest cookout 

1:05:20 - OH WELL I NEVER HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A VAMP SO CLEVER AS MAGICAL MISTER MAAAAAARIUSTOPHELEES

[one-d-library]

August 2020 Fic Recs

Young & Beautiful by velvetoscar

{mature, 227k, 34 chapters, slow burn, angst, hate to love, no detailed smut, university AU, side ziam, OT5 friendship, descriptive plot}

Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn't stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

My opinion which no one really asked for: 

My country has started another lockdown for corona so of course I had to bless the start of it with y&b. This is one of the better known fics in our fandom but I still don’t think it is talked about enough!! This author has a way with words that I hold in the highest regard. Honestly, I am in love with this book. It was so layered, descriptive and I fell in love with every. single. character. Words can’t describe how wonderfully written this was. Truly my favorite fanfic (or one of them hehe can’t choose). 

Can be found in: 

Longer Fics

Uni AU

Iconic Fics

Fav Fics

Just a Flower Boy by Larryruinedme

{not rated, 70k, 15 chapters, highschool AU, football player!Louis, out!Harry, homophobia, OT5 friendship, pining, fluff, smut, first time, somewhat of panty kink}

Harry Styles is a clumsy, flower crown-wearing, openly gay junior with only two true friends, Niall and Zayn. Louis Tomlinson is the school's attractive, straight football captain, with a small body and a big personality. As fate will have it, Harry has a huge, unrequited, utterly hopeless crush on Louis.

Fate is thrown out the window the day that Harry and Louis find themselves partnered up for a history project. Harry starts to receive notes from a secret admirer, Louis starts to get jealous of Harry's budding friendship with senior Nick Grimshaw, Zayn and Liam develop a thing for each other, and Niall is the best mate anyone could have asked for. And suddenly, Harry's crush on Louis doesn't seem so utterly hopeless anymore.

My opinion which no one really asked for: 

Oh my god. This was absolutely adorable. I’m a big sucker for a cute little high school AU, especially ones with popular!Louis and nerd!Harry. This fic felt really intimate and personal and beautiful. Honestly, I think I liked this so much because this Harry is lowkey how I was in highschool, and I would’ve liked a Louis in my life then. 

Can be found in: 

Highschool AU (2)

Fav Fics

Untangle Me by suicxne

{explicit, 103k, 11 chapters, canon compliant, MITAM era, friends to lovers, pining, angst, fluff, smut, OT4 friendship}

Louis finds himself out of place in LA, unable to get at an itch that’s been bothering him for years. He supposes back in the early days, home hadn’t been a place. It’d been a person. He’d etched it permanently into his skin for fucks sake. It was always him and Harry. Stuck to each other like super glue. Pulled together by some magnetic force, existing in their own bubble. Everyone could see it, but that was half the problem, wasn’t it?

It’s not like Louis can pinpoint the exact moment in time when him and Harry fell out of sync. There wasn’t really one at all. It had been a gradual slip, like the tide wearing away at a sandstone cliff. Chipping the solid foundations until there was nothing left to stop the structure falling to the waves below. It’s not like he spends all of his time sitting around moping over a lost friendship, he’s good at distractions. But LA only seems to accentuate the distance between them. Two separate planets, not even in the same solar system.

Or the one where Harry and Louis finally get it right.

My opinion which no one really asked for: 

I’m sorry I couldn’t find a collage for this fic and I didn’t want to make one, so this funny gif of OT3 will have to do. Anyways, canon compliant fics were how I first dug my way into this larry fanfiction hole so I’ll always have a part of me that loves and appreciates a good non-au. This fic is one of the ones I’ll always appreciate. The smut is very well written and the characters all feel personal to you. It gives me a weird sense of peace relating to the whole ‘we ruined their friendship’ narrative, (which, of course, is not true). I recommend to read this if you’re into non-au and descriptive smut. 

Can also be found in: 

Canon Compliant 50k+

~

more fic recs can be found here!

[f4liveblogarchives]

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #241

Sun Dec 20 2020 [12:49 PM] Wack'd: Front-cover tagline is one font change away from being a Jeopardy! clue

[12:50 PM] maxwellelvis: Who is "Kang the Conqueror"? [12:51 PM] Wack'd: We open on Nick Fury showing the Four a digital map of Africa with a huge glowing spot indicating a massive power surge [12:51 PM] Umbramatic: welp [12:51 PM] Wack'd: Ben thinks "maybe the ay-rabs got some new power source" which, y'know, fun [12:51 PM] Umbramatic: oh geez [12:52 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the cover's got Black Panther on it, so naturally this surge is on the Wakandan border [12:53 PM] Wack'd: T'Challa won't let SHEILD in, and he's resigned as an Avenger, but Fury figures since the Four are old friends T'Challa might let them do some snooping [12:54 PM] Wack'd: Ben naturally is like "wait, if you're respecting Wakanda's sovereignty how did you guys flag this" [12:55 PM] Wack'd: Turns out SHEILD was following some other weird phenom and stumbled into this by accident. Said phenom turns out to be Attilan flying to the moon [12:55 PM] Umbramatic: oops [12:55 PM] maxwellelvis: Good thing Reed's collar stretches. [12:56 PM] Wack'd: Reed says he took special measures to make sure every airspace that got violated got a message not to worry about it which 1. seems like a good way to make folks worry and 2. I guess he forgot to send SHIELD that memo [12:58 PM] Wack'd: Hmmm. Not sure I like this

[12:58 PM] Wack'd: Also Raiders had like just come out which is weird to think about [12:58 PM] Umbramatic: ben is cosplaying [12:59 PM] Wack'd: He's cosplaying a Mightey Whitey character for an Africa trip which. There are worse options I guess [12:59 PM] Umbramatic: oh [01:00 PM] Umbramatic: that did not sink in at first [01:00 PM] Wack'd: We're still doing huts and loincloths, huh? I am increasingly wondering when he Afrofuturism kicks in and we get a Wakanda that's less...this

[01:01 PM] Umbramatic: ...same [01:01 PM] maxwellelvis: Not until black people start writing for Black Panther. [01:01 PM] Wack'd: (Probably once Black people get a crack at writing it tbh--yeah [01:01 PM] Wack'd: Also: did Bryne change Ben back to a lump for the sole purpose of justifying let's-you-and-him-fight bits [01:02 PM] Wack'd: Because if so that's...actually pretty clever [01:04 PM] Wack'd: Anyway the Four + Frankie go undercover as a safari complete with pith helmets and fatigues. Which always feels more like cosplay than realism when fictional characters do it no matter what the era [01:04 PM] Wack'd: Like when characters from the American south wear white suits. I always assume it's something that got come by thirdhand even though who knows maybe it's a thing [01:05 PM] Wack'd: Well something’s up

[01:07 PM] Wack'd: Hm. The implication that Wakanda has gotten less superstitious because of Europeans is certainly gross!

[01:08 PM] Wack'd: The Four get a closer look and find some Russians had also been investigating. Operative word being "had" because they're all skeletons now [01:08 PM] Bocaj: No telling where the meat ran off to [01:09 PM] Wack'd: No telling indeed [01:10 PM] Wack'd: No sooner do they start investigating than the team are ambushed by a squad of folks in gold-and-red Roman centurion cosplay. Not wanting to blow their cover, the team lets themselves get taken hostage, but Sue turns invisible before she's noticed so the team has an advantage if things need to pop off [01:10 PM] Umbramatic: spooky scary [01:11 PM] Umbramatic: what's with all the fucking cosplay this issue [01:11 PM] Wack'd: The team are led through a mountain stocked with Kirby-esque tech and led out the other side to:

[01:12 PM] Umbramatic: well [01:12 PM] Umbramatic: when in rome [01:13 PM] Wack'd: You know when I asked when the writers will realize Wakandans should probably have some degree of advanced architecture and whathaveyou this is not what I had in mind [01:14 PM] Wack'd: Frankie knows how to deal with sexual harassers and also racists

[01:14 PM] Umbramatic: good [01:14 PM] Wack'd: ...god I hope the guy under that helmet is white because if this isn't deliberate I'm gonna go apeshit [01:15 PM] Wack'd: ......unless I guess a white guy saying that doesn't necessarily mean the white guy writing it is deliberately writing a racist, considering *gestures at Wakanda's whole deal* [01:15 PM] Bocaj: I hope this isn’t nova roma [01:15 PM] Bocaj: That’s supposed to be in South America and also they tend to wear black face [01:15 PM] Bocaj: Not Claremont’s finest hour [01:16 PM] Wack'd: Does the name Gaius Tiberius Augustus Aggrippa mean anything to anyone. Also does it mean anything period, like, is that actual Latin [01:16 PM] maxwellelvis: It's just nouns [01:17 PM] Umbramatic: it sounds like a lot of emperor names mashed together and also that [01:17 PM] Bocaj: It sounds like all Roman names because there were only like twenty names and every Roman used every so far one [01:17 PM] Bocaj: Caligula’s real name was Gaius Caesar Augustus Germanicus [01:18 PM] Wack'd: Having lost the element of surprise Reed orders an ambush but GTAA manages to neutralize their powers. Including Sue's, which, how'd he even know she was there, c'mon [01:18 PM] Bocaj: Boo [01:18 PM] Umbramatic: boo [01:18 PM] Wack'd: It is time now for the traditional sequence in which the entire team is locked up and has to escape [01:19 PM] Bocaj: It sure happens to them a lot [01:19 PM] Bocaj: You’d think Mr Miracle was a fantastic four member at this rate [01:19 PM] Phantom: Hmm it's interesting how much I associate Latin with species names [01:20 PM] Wack'd: It turns out the deception vis-a-vis Black Panther was just the ol' Queen Amidala gambit. T'challa gets in a Batman boast about how you can't neutralize his powers because his powers are just having worked out a lot [01:20 PM] Umbramatic: MUSCLES [01:21 PM] maxwellelvis: This was before the Heart-Shaped Herb was a thing? [01:21 PM] Wack'd: T'Challa has been put in a slave gally because of course. Reed and Frankie are shackled in dungeons to the ceiling. Sue....has been stripped naked and left in a lavish bedroom [01:21 PM] Umbramatic: ...oh [01:21 PM] Phantom: of course [01:22 PM] Wack'd: GTAA has had "games called in [her] honor" which I assume means Gladiator. Maybe he'll surprise us by being big into baseball, who knows [01:22 PM] maxwellelvis: What are the odds that Byrne actually knows what gladiator games were like? [01:22 PM] maxwellelvis: I'm guessing not very good. [01:22 PM] Umbramatic: GTAA is really into esports [01:22 PM] Wack'd: Middling to low [01:23 PM] Wack'd: T'Challa tries to break Frankie out of her cell by just being like "hey, I'm your king, knock off this fuckery" but the guards aren't having it [01:23 PM] Bocaj: “You can’t neutralize my powers” is a weird flex when you get caught anyway [01:23 PM] Wack'd: Yeah [01:24 PM] Wack'd: GTAA decides to exposit his backstory to Sue [01:26 PM] Bocaj: I like to imagine that she makes the blah blah gesture while he talks [01:26 PM] Wack'd: He was an ancient Roman soldier sent to investigate a "falling star" which, of course, was actually an alien spaceship. He managed to dispatch its sole occupant and steal their armor, which imparted to him great smartitude [01:26 PM] Bocaj: Sure, of course [01:26 PM] maxwellelvis: Aaarrgh! No! Not another Prester John! [01:27 PM] maxwellelvis: John Byrne, have you no decency at all, sir?! [01:27 PM] Wack'd: By the time he got back his platoon had pulled out of the region for reasons unknown so he did what anyone from another culture with superior force and no mandate does when stranded across borders and take up dictatorship as a hobby [01:28 PM] Wack'd: So, uh. [01:28 PM] Wack'd: There are some...coloring discrepancies...in this book [01:29 PM] Umbramatic: oh [01:29 PM] Wack'd: I glossed over a panel with a Black Frankie Raye because, uh, I didn't really have a good joke about it, frankly [01:29 PM] Wack'd: But it seems instructive because there are two flashback panels where GTAA is colored Black and then a further three where he's a white guy [01:30 PM] Bocaj: In fairness [01:30 PM] Bocaj: That is in character for a Roman [01:30 PM] Bocaj: The dictatorship as a hobby I mean [01:31 PM] Wack'd: Dude has gone increasingly mask-off, racism-wise--during his backstory he boasts about rendering all his subjects mute because their language offended them and trying to teach them Roman was a bust because he still hated their "gibbering monkey voices" [01:31 PM] Wack'd: So, uh, I guess we'll see if this issue ends with An Aesop [01:31 PM] Bocaj: .... [01:31 PM] Umbramatic: wow dude [01:32 PM] maxwellelvis: He... DOES know there were black people in Rome, right? [01:32 PM] Wack'd: Bryne? I mean it's the 80s [01:32 PM] maxwellelvis: Either or [01:32 PM] Wack'd: Most pop culture assumed every country had monoracial societies in The Past until like ten years ago [01:33 PM] Bocaj: Not that rome wasn’t racist to anyone not from rome but [01:33 PM] Wack'd: You can pin a lot on Bryne but "yeah of course Romans were all white" is pretty on par [01:33 PM] Wack'd: Oh also GTAA deliberately named himself after Caligula so there's that settled [01:33 PM] Bocaj: Sure [01:34 PM] Umbramatic: so we can stop calling him Grand Theft Auto Anarchy [01:34 PM] Bocaj: We don’t have to [01:34 PM] Wack'd: Anyway GTAA wants Sue as his bride and if she refuses he will force Johnny and Ben to fight [01:35 PM] Wack'd: ...to the death, not like usual [01:35 PM] Bocaj: Ha [01:35 PM] Bocaj: It’d be funny if she was like “oh is it Tuesday already?” [01:35 PM] Wack'd: *long, deep sigh*

[01:36 PM] Wack'd: Thankfully Sue's immediately like "his powers come from his helmet, right? All I gotta do is take the helmet off" [01:37 PM] Wack'd: Turns out that helmet granted lots of powers [01:37 PM] Wack'd: Like immortality for him and his subjects [01:37 PM] Wack'd: And structural integrity for his city [01:37 PM] Wack'd: And the suppressive effect on the Four's powers [01:38 PM] Wack'd: Aaaaaaaaand there's no ontological inertia [01:38 PM] Umbramatic: ._. [01:38 PM] Wack'd: So just by taking the helmet off GTAA and all his slaves immediately die and the city crumbles [01:38 PM] Bocaj: Of course [01:38 PM] Wack'd: Kind of a bum deal for the people who spent twenty centuries in servitude [01:39 PM] Wack'd: "WE'RE FREE!" ���� [01:39 PM] Bocaj: Sue: “well that’s the most people I’ve ever killed at once” [01:39 PM] Umbramatic: F [01:40 PM] Bocaj: “I never wanted to be dead, Surfer. Frankly, I only died out of peer pressure” [01:40 PM] Wack'd: And so everyone escapes, Reed does an exposition dump, and the story immediately ends [01:40 PM] Bocaj: No moral? [01:40 PM] Wack'd: Nope [01:41 PM] Umbramatic: "don't wear funky alien helmets kids" [01:41 PM] Wack'd: So...maybe Bryne was just being racist. I mean it seems probable but also it goes waaaaaaay mask-off in a way I don't think even Bryne woulda thought acceptable [01:43 PM] Wack'd: Anyway I do not think I have time for another issue before I gotta leave for work. Perhaps when I return later this evening we will do the next story, which is about everyone's favorite established Four baddie [01:43 PM] Wack'd: Terrax the Untamed [01:43 PM] Umbramatic: :O [01:43 PM] Wack'd: Who despite being from the 70s and thus far more recent I still had to look up

[popculturebuffet]

Top 10 Regular Show Episodes

Close Enough is Close! 2 more days and a show i’ve waited without hyperbole years for will finally land offically. While i’ve seen three episodes preelease, one because of a french film festival the other two because HBO made an oopsie, and it’s more than likely i’ll be seeing those episodes again thursday, it dosen’t make it any less special, as with an offical release comes the fandom finally becoming a thing and the ablility to watch the episodes over and over again.. on computer till HBO gets it’s shit together but still. IT’s a great time.  And my hype for the show made me revisit it’s big brother: Regular Show. Created by what would happen if you condesned california into a person, JG Quintel, Regular Show, as you all damn well know but I like doing anyway so as rigby would say, STOP TALKING, was about two slackers and best bros: Laidback hipster and hurricane when it came to talking to women, Mordecai and Rigby a high strung, idiotic, impulsive, and frequently angry racoon who worked, when they absolutley had to, at a park. Joining them at the park were their coworkers and later closest friends: Benson, their constnatly angry boss who constnatly belts out empty threats to fire them and has a rather sad personal life, Skips, a centuries old yeti whose literally seen it all and despenses advice for the duo and is voiced by everyone’s faviorite grandpa/jedi/murder clown Mark Hamill, Muscle Man, a grotesque blob of a man who likes  “My mom” jokes and breaking things, Hi Five Ghost, Muscle Man’s sidekick who got like.. one episode focusing on him alone over 8 seasons moving on, and Pops, an odd but unfailingly sweet and kind vicotrian era gentleman whose also basically immortal and is Bensons’ boss in name only.  The Park Crew spend their days working, or in our main duo’s case trying to get out of work to do anything else,  while dealing with every day issues that would quickly ballon into insanity. Getting pops a birthday present of Fuzzy Dice from a local pizza place ended up with the crew having to fight a bunch of anamatonic animals that were stashing diamonds in there. Trying to get concert tickets involved getting caffine from the nipples of a giant sentient coffee bean in order to stay awake long enough to do the extra work. And Mordecai trying to delete an embrarassing message off his crush Margret’s voice mail lead to him and rigby getting hauled in front of a bunch of a message guardians, one of which is a sentient smoke signal that wanted to burn them while the other replied with “we’ree not going to burn them when have we ever burned anybody”... I love and miss those guys. Oh and it’s resolved by having to playt he embarassing song he sang while said message beings groove to it then ask him to colaberate with them on their album. THis show was on all the drugs and I am all the hear for it. I could go all day obviously but this section is long enough as is, let’s move on. 

Regular Show came at JUST the right time for Cartoon Netowork: Similar to how the 80s doom patrol comic started off really bland and cookie cutter and not at all doom patrol and then grant morrison came in, had hte previous writer kill almost everything, then rebuilt it from scratch with crazy, CN had few shows left and was coming off a really terrible attempt at competeing with NIck and Disney Channel’s live action dommance with a bunch of dude broy reality shows and other ill conceved ideas. The network had a few shows, Total Drama, The Clone Wars which got better and I need to watch those better seasons at some point, but they weren’t enough to make the network thrive again.  SO enter adventure time and regular show: BOth were creative, funny , a bit rough around the ages, and kind of nuts, but both were massive hits: The shows hit almost every demographics sweet spots: Kids like the bright colors, fun designs, and insanity, teens loved the edgy bits of the humor and also the insanity and 20 somethings and older both found refrences they got and loved, and well.. insanity. I mean being fucking nuts but also wonderful is kind of the watchword for most animation nowadays. While in the past in my own head i’ve played down Regular Show’s part in things, after all it came second and had a rough patch I told myself.. but I was wrong. Both shows had a lot of the same elements; insane stuff, great voice acting and good humor especially as they evolved.. but both also evolved in largely the same way and that way helped change animation for the next decade: Both, despite being comeidies, regular show keeping to it a bit more than adventure time did as they evolved, had the characters grow, something a lot of animated comedies didn’t do as much ast the time, even the good ones. THey had season long arcs, things that are now standard features in most cartoons for good reason were MADE standard by these shows. It’s just regular show’s legacy got diluted by shows that TRIED to copy it but both failed to see that it grew past season one or that it’s being okay for kids but really based in adult life and problems meant copycats like fanboy and chum chum, sanjay and craig and breadwinners, all thankfully long dead, eventually sputtered out and died. That and Nick is REALLY shitty at maintaing shows or treating creators with anything resembling respect. Somehow Teen Titans Go is still alive despite having similar failings but you can’t win everything. It didn’t help gravity falls came along right after and proceded to be even more influentail than both of these shows. Hmmm I just realized I haven’t done any gravity falls reviews here.. I gotta get on that. But while the show got eclipsed in quality and popularity I do still think it holds up for the most part as funny, charming and with , for the most part, good character arcs, it’s just that a bit of incosntientcy, some abrubtly done actions and a REALLY fucking terrible arc in season 6 dull the show a bit in comparison to what came after, but I do realize now it’s still worht watching, remembering and laughing at. It may of not been the greatest, but damn it was good.  So with my nostaliga for the show popping up, my faith in it restored, and it’s sucessor showing up in a few days, I decided to do a little something for the ocassion. I WAS going to do a full on review, but had troulbe finding an episode as some of my faviorites are part of a larger arc that was hurt by a later arc, and the show ping ponged between slice of life and utter insanity enought hat it was hard to peg down to jus tone or two episodes. So while I WILL review the show eventually, it has both good and bad episodes needing it, I decided instead to dig out something I hadn’t done in far too long: a top whatver lists! Now while I do get these things are clickbaity, because they are, I.. honestly just love making them. Even if i’ts not for any specific purpose I just love ranking, the stress, even if I normally hate stress given my anxiety, of trying to narrow them down, and the satisfaction of taking a ton of episodes and melting htem down into the best of them. And with a show as long and varied as regular show, If igured this was the best way to show it off before I dived into it eventually. I’ll obviously be doing more top, and bottom lists in the future, but for now this seemd like a godo place to get back to it. As  Now a few more things before we finally get started. Yes I know i’ve gone on for a few years now but i’m almost done. This list is obviously, my opinon. If you disagree fine, and feel free to comment or shoot me an ask about it but I stand by my list and what I choose. I had to boil down over 60 episodes I picked to possibly  be on the list and even after it was down to 40 cuts were really difficult, .. Also just as a quick note there are no episodes from seasons 1, 6, 7 and 8, and that’s not on purpose, as the last two seasons are really good, it just fell out that way and i’m sorry about it. So with that out of the way grabs some sodas and wings, get out your maxi gloves, and bring out your best sentient earworms wearing sunglassses, after the cut I count down the top 10 Regular Show episodes. OOOOOOOOO!

10. I Like You, Hi (Season 5, Episode 26) As you’ll be able to tell by the rest of this list Season 5 is my faviorite, and it’s where I feel the series hit it’s peak before next season lead to it’s valley. It’s got a ton of great episodes, as this list will attest, some great character development, and was still really damn funny.  But what put it over the top for me was the Mordecai and CJ arc. At the end of the last season as you probably know the show wrote out Margret, having her finally get into college like she’d wanted since she got an actual character back in “Camping Be Cool” instead of just being “that hot girl mordecai really likes but is too scared to persue”, and another fantastic episode we’ll be getting to, Mordecai was in position to move on.  Re-Enter CJ. CJ was introduced earlier in the season 3 ep “Yes Dude Yes” which itself is really good, where Mordecai thought margret was engaged and with Rigby’s encouragment, ended up meeting CJ, stands for Cloudy Jay if your curious, a sentient cloud voiced by the wonderful LInda Cardenelli, aka wendy from gravity falls and currently co star of the equally wonderful show Dead to Me. Seriously go check it out on netflix, it’s really good. It naturally went pearshaped since Margret wasn’t engaged, he tried going out with both, she turned into a thunderstorm out of rage... as you do.. it’s like the season 6 plot but less infurating and more understandable.  But the two remeet, and had a kiss on new years while not knowing it’s the other person under am ask.. and then CJ ran and both thought the other was upset: MOrdecai for him being MOrdecai, and CJ for running out on him and agreed to be friends. That didn’t last, though it did give us another classic on this list, as while exes can be friends and all, the two still had something between them. Thus came this one. And it was a hard one as it barely inched out the finale of their relationship arc, Real Date, which had the ceo of a dating company try to break them up and be really damny funny but it’s ulitmatley this one being just as hilarious while being a great character piece that gets it the rub.  As the episode opens Mordecai and CJ have been spending a LOT of time together and i’ts clear there’s a spark there.. but Mordecai insists it’s platonic. And yes there is a bad habit of animation being unable to accept females and males who are into the oppistie sex can’t be friends without being attracted to each other. It’s being cleared up more lately, but as Star Vs showed it still happens sometimes. But it works here: The two STARTED with dating, made out on new years, and are attracted to each other it’s just clear both were in denial about it. It’s not saying “well they have chemstiry so fuck their partners’ like star vs or “if you loved someone once those feelings will return and destroy yoru current relationship” like next season.... season 6′s arc is a tirefire burn it.  But the issue is forced when, while texting about an extreme baking show together while CJ’s at her job at a sports bar, it autocrrects from Yuji, the show’s host, to you hi, sending the title message “I like you, hi”. Mordecai, being even less adept with his feelings and anxiety towards women than me and trust me that’s saying something, spirals and we do get the episodes best scene, narrowly beating out it’s climax, where Mordecai summons a war council.. aka the rest of the main cast minus benson but plus Thomas, the intern who I wish stuck around longer even after he turned out to be a russian spy because they ran out of ideas for him, voiced by Roger Craig Smith and distractingly using his future sonic voice. 

I just.. love everything about the scnee. From the term pulling a mordecai, to Rigby joining in, deservedly as he’s had front row seats for a lot of this bollocks, to everyone’s suggestions especially Muscle Man’s half assed one that somehow, but unsuprisngly, works for him and Starla.  Naturally Mordecai comes up with what Rigby HIMSELF admits is a Rigby level half assed scheme to get an actual photo with Yuji rather than just admit the truth. Yuji himself is an utter delight, having had his star not rise as fast as he’d like thanks to autocorrect and being entirely on board, and when it backfires as MOrdecai ends up autocorrected and sends the message thrice and gets sucked into the phone again, admits i’ts “pretty extreme’. I love the guy and i’m prety sure he showed up again, to my delight. 

In the phone Mordecai meets some old friends, the message guardians who I mentioned in the “insane shit this show has done” bit earlier: old forms of messaging who police texting, all voiced by Rich Fulcher of the Mighty Boosh and Snuffbox Fame. 

I love Rich and wish these guys could show up in close enough. Maybe they can, I don’t know how rights issues with turner properties work when it comes to two diffrent audiences entirely. Anyways what really makes the episode, besides the great callbacks in this scene, is when confronted with everything going on, Mordecai.. tries to run into the void, with Rigby, The Message Recorder and the Smoke Signal all encouraging him to come back. “There’s nothing out there for you, literally it’s just a blank void”. With the leading tape recorder pointing out from their text history not only how great CJ is but how much he seems to like her with Mordecai finally coming back and admitting the obvious: He does like her.. he’s just scared of beefing it again. Which he does but that’s not the point. Rigby, who as part of his character development helps Mordecai quite a bit with this stuff by being a neutral party, though he also likes CJ better than Margret which is a mood even though I don’t care which one you ship mordecai with frankly, you do you, I have my prefrences. And with that Mordecai finally texts her and asks her out, with her accepting via winky face.. with an added text to clarify it for his neuotic ass.. which is also a mood as my neuortic ass could use that a lot. Overall just a wonderful , hilarious and good bit of character growth.. that season 6 throws in the oven, but that’s a long rant for another day. On it’s own, “I LIke you, hi” is a good character piece for mordecai whlie still being really damn funny. 

9. Thanksgiving Special (Season 5, Episode 15)

Regular Show was really damn great at holliday specials. Their terror tales from the park every halloween were always a nice treat and a good replacement for Simpsons “Treehouse of Horror” which still exists, it’s just no one cares at this point, and their christmas and new years episodes are both really damn good, the first Christmas Episode being in contention for this list even. But to me the best of the best was easily Season 5′s  thanksgiving episode. 

The premise is simple: Mordecai and Rigby accidnetly destroy thanksgiving dinner, which the park crew is having for everyone and their famllies and, refusing to take Benson trying to dismiss their attempts to help fix their mistake, end up joining a songwriting contest to try and win a Turducken.. a natural one that’s born every 1000 Years because this is regular show. To do this they have to beat a parody of everyone’s least faviorite president Donald Trump, Rich Buckner.  The fact that trump was basically the main villian of a holliday special a year before he became president is not lost on me and  is one of the most accurate depections of the man i’ve ever seen. The fact Rich steals the prize despite our boys winning from his blimp with a grappling hook is peak trump. The fact Trump has’nt stolen more things with a grappling hook in real life is only because his hands are too small to use one. 

Getting past our president for my own sanity, the episode also has really great subplots: Muscle Man and Fives go to  a sports bar to get sides and end up pissing off a former football player and getting into a touchdown dance comppetition, sadly not set to the super bowl shuffle, while Benson, Pops and Skips go to get a turkey and end up fighting over it with men dressed up like a piligrim, a first thanksgiving era native american and a turkey, to which they don’t even really give an explination for.. granted most explinatoins on this show are insane but even by regular show standards, this gets none. And I love it for it.  While as you can tell the episode is really damn funny, what really sells it is the emotional core: For once while they do fear for their jobs a bit Mordecai and Rigby’s main motivation in this messup is genuine guilt and wanting to fix their mistake, and they work hard at it, even giving a genuine and awesome heartfelt song that notches itself up with other thanksgiving classics “That thankstiginv themed soul sketch on snl” and adam sandler’s turkey song also from snl. Not a high bar but it’s really good regardless

The episodes’ real strength though is it’s emotional core: For once instead of saving their own asses or understadnably wanting to get one over on the cranky and in the worse written episodes obnoxiously overbearing benson, they simply feel terrible about possibly runing the meal for their arriving parents and everyone elses parents and families and their friends and work to right the wrong. It’s not the first time they worked to do something genuinely good with no benefit to themselves, but it’s probably the best and Benson’s I forgive you, while hilarious is also really sweet. And speaking of sweet

It ends on a really sweet and touching note, as Mordecai and Rigby, after escaping a blimp via a wish on a golden wishbone because of course, make it home to find the various weirdos the park crew met have brought them thanksgiving, and their parents will be there and we get a nice touching ending as the main duo get a well earned toast from Benson. Just an out and out amazing thanksgiving special and a good reminder of what the holiday means.

8. Trucker Hall of Fame (Season 3, Episode 37)

Moving on from Season 5 for a second, Season 3 was where the show really started to hit it’s stride to me. While Season 2 was a nice increase in quality from the sometimes choppy and heavy on “everyone is an asshole” comedy season 1, Season 3 was where the increased focus on the rest of the cast outside of our main duo balloned and what seeds of character were planted in season 2 beautifully bloomed. And this episode is one of the best examples of that.  This one focuses on Muscle Man, who earlier on was basically the main duo’s rival alongside his buddy high five ghost, and kind of a dick. While “Kind of a dick” never left any discription of Mitch Sorenstein, this and previous episode muscle woman showed there was more to the goblin man than we thought. It’s also one of regular show’s few early mostly serious episodes and unlike the benson ones, again this list was tough don’t come at me with a machete, and realy showed why muscle man is the human tire fire he is. The episode introduces, and quickly kills off, muscle dad, mitch’s dad who gave him a love of pranks and was a truck driver who died as he live: mistaking a fake bear for a real one during a prank. Muscle Man being not the most stable person on a GOOD day, spirals, as seen above, and Benson tasks mordecai and rigby, since Fives isn’t good with death ironically and isn’t holding up much better, and as a much later episode shows the two became besties in high school so he probably knew muscle dad for a good ten years so he’s probably not in a great place either, nice stuff, to go with him to put his dad’s ashes in the trucker hall of fame.  What follows is a sweet and damn sad episode. While Mitch’s frequent breakkdowns can be hilarous their also really sad and having lost my grandpa since this episode aired, I can relate to being fine one minute and a total shrieking wreck the next over the smallest thing. But it also shows that Mitch genuinely thinks of our main duo as his friends, and that beneath his testorrone positned exterior he’s a decent guy, being genuinely greatful. Of course being regular show the 3 end up squaring off with some truckers, while Mitch also grappels with the revelation his dad wasn’t one but a forklift opperator who faked being a trucker for his son’s benifit and dleft a tender note in his picture, figuring correctly his son would break it open when he found out... oh and because this show is still nuts his ghost ends up saving them at the end which is really sweet , as mitch decides trucker or no his ashes deserve to be there. Also his ghost shows up again at thanksgiving so apparently he can just come back once in a while, which is nice but dosen’t demnish the bittersweet feeling of this ep. And as I said the show has a good grasp on continuity as this ep marked a turning point for our main duo and muscle man: while the’yve bonded before after this, aside from mitch’s habit of christmas pranks and his faking his death, they really don’t nearly get as annoyed by him ever again. i’ts a sweet touching ride tha’ts uncharacristic of the show’s usual chaos but really works. 

7. A Bunch of Full Grown Geese (Season 4, Episode 19) After a few episodes that were more sentimental on this list, it’s good to get back to some good old regular show madness for this one, which was also the series 100th in production order and is a worthy milestone episode. Season 4 was really good building on the good will from Season 3 and FINALLY having payoff to the margret and mordecai thing, more on that in a bit. Not as much to say as seasons 3 or 5, but it was still spectacular.  The sequel to another ep, fittingly given it’s #100, full grown geese has our duo tasked with removing a bunch of obnoxious geese, with Benson in dick mode refusing to give the two more help, though it does lead to one of the show’s best scenes when he gives his usual your fried threat.. and fitting a milestone episode, Rigby calls him on never going through with it and the threat being as empty as my dreams. Benson responds by going nuts and angrishing them out of his office.. really funny. But yeah with the geese attacking them and , in their first attacking, poor pops, and no way to combat them, the two turn to the baby ducks, a bunch of baby ducks from the episode titled that who show up to help.. and this being the 100th episode of an already grant morrison level nuts show, it turns out the geese seek to conquer earth, voiced by david warner of course and have laser eyes.. and can combine. And the ducks do so again, mecha style, and add in our heroes and a bunch of call backs in one of the series best and most batshit sequences> The ending is also throughly satisfying as while our heroes win, Benson chews them out for tearing up the park in the process.. only for the ducks mom to call him out for not only yelling at the ducks, who are just kids, but at mordecai and rigby after they just saved the park from being a smoldering crater and not just trashed and he backs off. Just a fun episode where the crew just went nuts and the results speak for themselves. 

6. This is My Jam (Season 2, Episode 13)

Now this one I couldn’t NOT include. This is one of the series best even after it’s immense growth, and a beloved classic for a reason. And like the above it’s a good classic case of regular show hyjinks while also being relatable this time: Rigby gets a brainless but catchy pop song from the 90′s stuck in his head and despite growing to hate it, and Mordecai hating it because this episode establishes him as a hipster, and seemingly exercises it.. only for it to manifest as a GIANT CASETTE WEARING SUNGLASSES THAT PLAYS THE SONG JUST BY EXISTING AND DANCES CONSTANTLY. it’s utterly glorious and used to great effect, also annoying benson because he’s constnatly annoyed. To beat it the main duo get the rest of the park’s help at Skips suggestion to form a band and craft an even BIGGER earworm to cast it out. Oh and there’s a great scene where Pops is forced to awkwardly dance with the incarnation of the 90′s “But I won’t use my best moves”.  The climax also has one of Benson’s best moments as, after he’s irritated all episode, he comes in hot, with both the cast and audience expecting him to chew out mordecai and rigby.. only he’s mad because they forgot drums are key to an earworm and saves the day with his drumwork. It’s a great subversion and one of the first times Benson was more than just the angry but understandable, at times, dickhead boss. Just an utter standout and one of the show’s most memorable episodes for a reason. Also the line “you can’t touch music but music can touch you’ is great. 

5. Meteor Moves ( Season 4, Episode 28)

This one was a long time coming and to me is a great example of writers taking their own shortcomings and making something awesome out of them. I prefer that: instead of just retconning away bad writing use it as a tool.. I try to do that myself when possible. See early in the show as you all probably know, Mordecai’s crush on Margret was just a plot device: he had a crush on the cute waitress at the coffee shop so they used it to get him to do things. A gratioutis shot of her in bike shorts got him to bet all computer rights for life that sort of thing. The show.. wasn’t great with female characters till season 3 and even as it grew, as season 6 and just.. forgetting to give CJ a proper ending as a character shows, still grappled with it. It took writer Kat Morris saying “no no stop go to jail” to them wanting ot make CJ a difficult woman type, whatever horrifying thing that is. I don’t want to know, let’s move on. The point is it wasn’t till season 3 that Margret and her best friends, and Rigby’s future wife, Eileen got fleshed out a bit: Eileen got smarter and turned out to be good at wilderness stuff while Margret was chill, nice, if annoyed by the chaos around mordecai, and funloving, while also having a clear goal in stark contrast to her future boyfriend: going to college. Even after coming back it was botha fter finsihing college and to start a career. It wasn’t incredibly deep, but it made me not be ehhh to her mere existance like before. The show also started developing her and Mordecai’s relationship seriously with the two bonding and the previously shown Butt Dial showing for the first time, after previously having a terrible taste in men and then just not noticing his crush, that she was receptive to how mordecai felt. And the two had several moments and two dates even, it just.. never went anywhere for some reason.

And this was INFURATING to me: See back then shows had a tendency to just pop in love intrests SOLEY for plot fuel like margret with no intention of following through with things either through rejection or a relationsihp upgrade and by then I was sick of it. The whole spike and rarity thing in MLP (which to be clear I wanted her to just reject him but nope, even after I stopped watching she never did. ), Isabella and Phineas. I was fed up so I went from being “eh” about it to annoyed supremely.. but the thing is the writers realized this.. and course corrected. The first step was picking up Margret, where Mordecai agrees to pick her up to get her to the airport for a college interview and we get a nice deconstruction of things as Margret is anticpatiing things going wrong, and wrongly blames Mordecai for it.. I mean it is his fault sometimes but half the time weird shit just follows him. However she’s won over by him working past it, getting her there in time and kisses him.  That blew me away and made me think well it’s finally here.. and it was.. ALMOST. However the creators wisely, if frustratingly to past me, took one more episode to iron it out: Metor Moves has the two growing closer, and semi-going out, but Rigby pops mordecai’s bubble pointing out he never actually made a boyfriend girlfriend move and her move could’ve gone either way. So Mordecai , after seasons of being wishy washy and awkward, finally decides to go for it as he, rigby, eileen and margret go to a metor shower.  Being Regular Show it dosen’t go as planned as his attempted kiss is blocked by the guardians of the friend zone.. which is a real, phantom zone esque place here and that’s just fantastic. And it’s also clearly mocking the hell out of the concept, which is dumb. if you want to ask someone out just do it, I learned that the hard way. And if you really are friends, if she says no then you’ll accept it and keep a friend anyway as I have. But it’s clearly parodying it and Mordecai get sreplayed all the times he ALMOST made a move but didn’t but refuses to accept this clusterfuck, realizes he was a screwup when it came to this.. and kisses her.. and this time the two enter a relationship> Granted it barely lasted but still, it was nice while it did and this ep is just great for it. While not the funniest, it’s up this high because it took somethign the show did wrong.. and turned it on it’s head and into a character flaw and had mordecai grow past it, with a genuinely romantic moment on top as well as an utterly funny and batshit concept. It also had some Rigleen, as by this point rigby stopped being a hateful wastebasket to her and warmed up to her, and I regret there’s no reigleen episodes on this list. Their the shows best couple and utterly adorable. Just wanted to mention that at least once this list. 

4. Laundry Woes (Season 5, Episode 1) From the begining to the end. While sadly Morderet didn’t last too long in canon, which blows, it did give us some great episodes while it lasted, as with the above entry and their breakup in Steak Me Amedeus. As mentioned before Margret left for college, which while abrupt feeling did pave the way for great stories: The Mordejay arc mentioned above and that will pop up again very soon, This was one of them: the ep while lacking on laughs is a good emotional rollercoaster and starts with an amazing montage that catches us up from the end of season 4: Mordecai is miserable, as you’d expect and wallowing in it with Benson, of all people, letting him. And given Benson seems to have a heart attack any time Mordecai and Rigby aren’t working, that’s huge. But eventually his friends refuse to let it go on and in a really touching montage help him through it, taking him out places, giving him good times and eventually.. the fog starts to lift and he starts to enjoy himself and by the end.. he’s himself again. It’s one of the series best sequences, told with no dialouge and showing just how far the rest of the cast had come: Benson actually wants to comfort mordecai but is encouraged not to at first, underfstandably as it probably woudlnt’ help, and a crew that were once, aside from Pops who much like Krillin is everyone’s friend, just coworkers who barely tolerated each other, and are now close as family and help their own in need.  But Grief isn’t a straight line and just as Mordecai’s recovering he’s sent spiraling when he finds Margret’s sweater and uses ita s a flimsy excuse to go return it. It’s here I also get to talk about Rigby, who grew from an impatient idiot who hated Mordecai’s romantic endevors and actively sabtoaged them at times, to an understandting wing man who, while understandably frustrated with his best friend’s own idiocy with women, turned out to know more and be the wise council he needed, triggering both is relationships and only bailing out during the season 6 clusterfuck and even then was there to comfort him after it was all over and go to his aid to pull him out of another misery hole. And here he gives Mordecai the hard truth: He shoudln’t do this, it’s just going to tear both him and margret up again and he just put himself back together. He’s not going to let his best friend do this to himself. And while there is a supernatural elment, the sweater comes to life and tries to get Mordecai to force margret back with him and give up college, likely voicing his darkest wants that he hates himself for wanting, but it feels more like a manfiestation of Mordecai’s own issues than the usual madness. Like “Trucker hall of Fame”, a rare senntence, it’s a less funny packed more grounded episode. And in the end it’s mordecai himself, after rejecting the ghost sweater and seeing his ex truly happy , that gets him to NOT talk to her and just.. let it go. IT’s a good emotional episode and SHOULD HAVE BEEN the end of their relationship... but i’ve ranted about the cheating storyarc enough here, moving right along. 

3. Portable Toilet (Season 5, Episode 16) Back to the Mordejay arc. And yes this arc is my faviorite and while I didn’t make it clear at the time I really shipped the two, even before it became canon. I had nothing against morderet, these two simply had more chemistry and these episodes built CJ up as more of a character than Margret was at the time. It’s why that later arc sucks so much to me: it destroys a perfectly good relationship and story arc for dumb reasons and never really did enough with it to justify doing so. I’ll get to it some day, or if someone comissions it soone rthan some day, but as you can tell i’m still sore over it and great eps like this are part of the reason why. It’s the same reason i’m sore on how Tom was handled on star vs. But as you can also tell as bitter and lemon scented as I am.. these eps are still objectivley great and thus took up a third of the list basically.  Case in point Portable Toilet, which zooms back a bit to when neither would admit they were into each other but were now friends at least. Also Eileen was CJ”s friend now because plot convience. I mean they worked, and it bothers me a lot that the creators claim cj washed her hands of her even though she’s not the one who made out with margret... which come to think of it adding her to rigleen.. not a bad idea. I mean Rigby didn’t really like margret true, but they did almost go out before mordecai killed him and then reset time because Mordecai’s always kinda sucked. I’ll file that away for later. But my new OTP aside, I did like the two bonding and what not.  Anyways with their outside park friend/RIgby’s future girlfriend now friends with Mordeai’s future girlfriend the four have apparently been hanging out which, while i’ve bemoaned off screen stuff at times, works here and regular show uses it better than most shows. While Rigby can clearly see Mordecai and CJ are into each other Mordecai is as we covered in denial and while that dosen’t really progress here, it does lead to one of teh shows finest hours. When talking would you rathers, CJ semi-flirtly dares Mordecai to eat his lunch sandwitch in a portable toilet, which he agrees to and drags a reluctant rigby along for. This being regular show, it goes south fast as the two get stuck, with Rigby’s clautrophiba kicking in leading to an amazing exchange Mordecai; Dude that makes no sense! Rigby: You’s makes no sense! While our dynamic duo try to get mordecai and rigby out the two are carted away and repalced with a new portable toilet, a deluxe one. Also we get another great bit when our dynamic duo find Muscle man, in a robe with choclate’s claming “Eileen, other girl, this isn’t weird” before screaming “This isn’t weird”. Turns out old portable toilets are taken to be blown up by the miltary and we get one of the shows best one off characters in the general, who not only explains it as “toilets being about the same size as the enmy” but when told he should call the president says “the preseident is not my father i’ll blow up as many toilets as I want.”. Spectacular. So now it’s a scramble for one twosome to rescue the other, Rigby lets out a cathartic “THANK YOUUU MORDECAI” over the flirty toilet dare, and the day is saved> This one is another pure comedy one, even if it ties into a plot I really like, and i’ts gold for obvious reasons and manages to take blowing up porta poties, a premise that dosen’t seem that funny, and make it utter comedic gold. Speaking of pure comic episodes that are utterly insane...

2. Cool Bikes (Season 3, Episode 7)

This one feels like regular show boiled down to it’s core: semi-relabtale hyjinks dovetalling into pure madness. And the premise sounds like a shit post i’d make: Mordecai and Rigby want benson to admit their cool and get into progressively weird outfits and tricks to their bycycles to do so, eventually becoming so cool their put on trial by the council of cool , ending up having to make a runner when Benson finally breaks down and admits it.  The premise is utterly stupid in the best way possible, with the conflict being the kind of petty bullshit we all get into from time to time with our aquantinces: not wanting to admit something and loose the argument withthings escalating. And in regular show terms it escalate sperfectly into the entire unvierse being threatned adn our heros being on trial for their lives. There’s not much to say here, it’s just pure comedic gold with a premise that just works. It also has good moments for Benson with his finally admitting they are cool and saving the duo’s lives whne he realized he just gave them a death sentence. Utter fun. And now we come to the finale, my faviorite episode...

1. Dodge This (Season 5, Episode 15) 

Yup this arc again. But this one has more than my ship going for it, and it’s why it soared to the top: It takes the excellent character work of other episodes and weaves it with excellent comedy to create an utter delight and the episode I remember most fondly and most often. It’s just great. The second part of the Mordeijay arc, not counting yes dude yes, the episode is half that and half sports movie: The Park Guys have been taking part in dodgeball as a team bulding thing and it shows how far Benson’s come as he not only praises mordecai, and launches the mordecai and benson ship in the process, but gives his team full wings and his full support, a far cry from his usual self. It’s also the first big instance of him getting hammered on wings and it’s glorious to see drunk flirty benson.  Benson is also genuinely congratulatory to the team’s ace mordecai, and most of them realy for b eing valuable and hopes to win this year.  IN their way are two things: The magical elements, aka the floating baby heads that gave skips his immortality, his friend with sparkly eyes who works for them and death himself whose a recurring character and fucking great and who were their bowling rivals too. The other is CJ is back, and Benson in another good moment actually talks mordecai through it and his nerves over it assuring him. So we get a great sports piece as our heroes work through various callbacks and even beat the magical elements iwth Rigby’s hilarious and rediculous rignado manuver, which is as dumb as it sounds and winged a guy hilaroiusly before with Benson scolding him like a toddler.  Of course it ends up with Mordecai and CJ against each other, both incredibly awkard over things as mentioned before, and both ending up in a stalmate that magical dodgeball guardians have to resolve because, let’s do this one last time. IT’S REGULAR SHOW. We do get a good moment though as the two work through their awkwardness: both thinking the other is rightfully mad: Mordecai for his two timer date with her and Margret and CJ for running out without talking to mordecai after they had a moment on new years. The both work past it, the park strikers loose,benson likely gets hammered again off screen.. it’s a good one and I have no shame in putting it at number one. It’s got heart, really great jokes, and some good charcter stuff, not to the level of other episodes on this list, but it wasn’t a full episode of that like those were and still works to move the plot forward and is still a classic. Just a fun, breezy, well done epsidoe fully rooted in the cast’s characters and getting laughs out of that.. mostly benson.  And with that this giangantic list comes to a close> I hope you enjoyed it, if you liked it follow me for more. I’ll be doing close enough coverage every week, as well as amphibia and owl house among other reviews. Until we meet again, later days. 

[evonymus]

Deadly Premonition 2

Everything I write here is just my opinion. I don't try to represent someone else's  thoughts and feelings. I fully understand that tastes differ and things I dislike may be enjoyed by others and vice versa. By writing this I don't try to attack anyone who has different opinion about the game. This text will have spoilers, so don’t read it if you haven’t beaten the game yet. It’s a lot of rambling that is not really structurized or anything, just a big collection of thoughts. Strong language is used.

Gameplay-wise the game seemed pretty meh. I fully realize it may feel very different if you actually play it instead of watching, the feeling of completion, getting stuff done and all that sorta thing. Still, the majority of game seems like a shit-ton of donkey work. Side missions are a very mixed bag. Sometimes they feel like the ones in the 1st game when you need to talk to someone or get an item for them, those ones are ok. However, there's a lot of grinding which you'd expect from an mmorpg, nor a murder mystery. As for the main missions, this is where one of my biggest problems with the game comes in. The first game was all about investigation. Go to the case-related place and investigate it, examine the corpse, talk to witnesses, follow your new lead and so on. It felt like a real investigation. Sure, York did rely on supernatural to solve it, but it was like twice in the entire game (fishing the docs from the waterfall thanks to the cup and going to Harry because the newspaper told him to. I don't count FK in the coffee since it's not much of a clue, just foreshadowing). He only used it because with Nick getting arrested he had no other clues what to do next. It sure felt a bit weird but...understandable? In the 2nd game, however, there's no real investigation going on. All York does is just blindly following oracles and hope that something good will come out of it and there will be progress. And there is because MAGIC! We used to be a competent FBI agent, now it turns out we're only successful because MAGIC! Zach even blatantly admits he has left FBI because he doesn’t get MAGIC HINTS anymore. For me it's a massive let-down. Also, since there's little logical reasoning behind many main missions, they feel super-meh as well. Oh, hey, it's an important person, can't wait to meet and question them! Waaaait-wait-wait-wait, you've got a collectathon in front of you that makes no sense in general but still will move your investigation forward because MAGIC! (Yes, I'm stil bitter and angry as fuck at those stupid drums that do nothing). The thing is, I totally understand why the developers felt it was perfectly normal to make the game this way. The reason behind it is called LOL WACKY. DP gained fame as being a bizarre and wacky game, which to my mind is pretty unfair. It had its moments, sure, but that's what's made it special - just the right balance of "sane" and "insane". Unfortunately, due to its reputation the developers got the wrong message and stopped bothering to make things coherent. "Who cares if something doesn't make sense, it's WACKY and that's exactly what fans want!" Big fat nope. I don't mind a bit of silliness in games, however this game goes far beyond "a bit". The same goes for the characters. Sorry, LOL ZANY characters, another DP1 (not really) staple. DP2 doesn't have as many really quirky people as the 1st game does but man they felt forced and annoying, from their overall shticks to speech patterns. There are characters from DP1 I dislike, but I dislike them for being dicks in general. DP2 characters though I hate from the bottom of my heart for how goddamn irritating they are. I'm sorry, maybe I got old or something, but I really don't think that a concept of a guy refusing to wear clothes is funny. He feels forced as fuck. Just as the guy who has adopted several personas just for lulz (I might be wrong on David, perhaps it is stated in the game that he really has split personality. It won't change anything much though). People in DP1 felt like real people, someone you could meet in real life. Sure, you can meet a guy wearing nothing but his boots, briefs and a hat irl as well, but somehow I doubt it'll be a pleasant acquaintance or, at least, won’t make you question his mental state. Also, don't even get me started on Simon. I literally hated every second of him on the screen. Cartoonish characters were my biggest concern after D4 and boy I was right to worry about that. Also, you don't get to really know people, especially the important ones, so when stuff happens, it barely has any effect on you. Remember how DP1 made you stick with all the main cast for pretty much the entirety of the game, so they felt like family and the end-game literally torn your soul apart? DP2 doesn't even try to get close to that, except for Patricia, but the emotional impact of the ending is nowhere near. The way people talk in the game is atrocious. It often feels like an amateur play written by someone overestimating their writing abilities way too often (talk with Lena in the bar is a good example of what I mean here). Which is a darn shame since there's nothing like that in the 1st game where pretty much all the dialogues were coherent. When thoughts like "That sounds dumb", "That makes no sense" and “That’s not how people talk” are swirling in your mind almost non-stop, that's not a good sign. The directing also seemed to degrade a bit. While there were some scenes in the original, that raised eyebrows and concerns, this game feels more like something of Spy Fiction era. Someone please inform Swery that making someone to look at the rotating screen for too long doesn't make them think "Oh, that's neat!", it makes them wanna puke. There are two little parts that I remember really well: 1) the shot of Patti's mouth when she's tempted to touch a red tree that goes for like 15 seconds while she's making strange noises; 2) That moment when Zach is dreaming about Kaysen, specifically, when he starts screaming and shooting. That frame starts with Zach already screaming and honestly it made me giggle with how silly it looks. Certainly that was not the intended player's reaction. This whole part might seem like nit-picking, but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

As for the plot, Le Carre part felt so-so and rushed with main missions mostly being a flop and major characters dropping like flies. Rest in peace, *character_name, we hardly knew ye. (Also, what the fucking FUCK was that part with an alligator tearing off Danny's hand? If that was a red herring, that was the dumbest fucking red herring I've seen in my entire goddamn life).  Also, as a side-note, let me make a little confession here: I'm fucking dumb. I'm dumb as a rock. I can never guess anything, being oblivious to obvious things. Still, I suspected Avery from the very beginning due to his heights and as soon as Lena said the drug changes people's physical properties I was convinced he had been involved. Welp, guess what. Sadly, solving this little riddle has brought me no joy. The ending though... Honestly, I don't even want to give any sort of analysis to it. Just thinking about it makes me mad. All I can say is that it was one of the dumbest, most melodramatic, crappy anime-esque endings I've ever seen. And trust me, I've seen some shit, I've beaten MGS4. I could never expect that someone who has wrote DP1 could write something as ridiculous as that. It was so dumb it wasn’t even funny. "Everything was very bad but then FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC happened and everyone lived happily ever after BECAUSE MAGIC!" That's how fanfiction is written. That’s some AU shit a desperate fan could cobble together. I am fully aware there's a lot of people who are really into this exact sort of stuff. As for me, it makes my skin crawl so fucking much it has probably reached Spain by now.  All in all, DP2 is a terrible disappointment. The only real up-side of it is that it has reminded me how good the first game was.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Lzzy Hale interview: “A guy asked me to sign his ass. It was sweaty down there”

Were you more than satisfied with your Download 2019 set? Your voice sounded incredible!

@ThePaulieC (Twitter)

“Thank you, I thought we did really good. It’s funny walking out onto that stage after playing Download for almost a decade, being able to headline the second stage. I remember saying to my little brother, Arejay, just before we walked out, ‘This whole thing of starting a band wasn’t a stupid idea, look at all these people here!’ That show was such a great high when you lose your mind a little bit because you get lost in the show, I think that’s what we’re always chasing when we’re doing live shows. The beauty of Download is nobody cares about the weather but if it hadn’t rained and the weather wasn’t crappy, it wouldn’t be the same festival!”

How the fuck do you walk about in those heels onstage? Seriously, can you give a girl some tips? I end up feeling like Big Bird on rollerskates.

Amy Thomson (email)

“Very carefully! I’ve been playing in high heels since I was 16 just because it was one more thing the boys couldn’t do – I can sing, I can play guitar and I can do it wearing high heels! It’s funny that I haven’t truly fallen over in them yet, it looks more dangerous than it is because heels are like stilts, they’re an extension of yourself. The only time I truly fell onstage was when I was wearing Converse Chuck Taylors. I don’t know how to explain that but that’s just my lot in life. I end up buying shoes with a little bit of a platform at the front, it’s very uncomfortable if your toes are on the ground and your heels are way up high. I don’t know if you’re comfortable with buying them but my advice is stripper heels are the absolute best because they’re made to be danced around in!”

What song was the most fun to record on Vicious?

Jack Hawkins (Facebook)

“I have to say Uncomfortable – it was the first song we truly got excited about on the record. Also, we added a lot of weird things to it, like an instrument called an astral whip that literally looks like a vacuum cleaner hose. The harder you whip it, it makes a higher sound. That’s part of the beauty of being in the studio: anything goes. We ended up having a lot of fun with that one and there was a lot of laughing to the point of tears!”

How do you define beauty, or what is beautiful to you?

@RAMMF1898 (Twitter)

“Now I’m 35 and I’ve been narrowing it down since I was a teenager, I consider beauty to be when someone is unafraid to be unapologetically, truly themselves. I once met this beautiful woman who was always teased for being six foot tall and having a big nose. Instead of hiding it or making herself more acceptable to those people, she would always wear platforms and buy really big glasses to accentuate her nose. To me, that’s the most beautiful thing.”

Who is there left in the rock and metal world that you’d love to meet or work with and why?

Becca Dayley (email)

“In a classic rock sense, I’d love to do something with Heart. In the modern rock and metal sense, The Darkness are my pick just because I think they’re ridiculous. We’ve never toured with them but we know each other, we talk online all the time so I think that’s a good open door. Also, every time I think about working with The Darkness, I smile and laugh because it’d be hilarious. The last time I saw them in concert, Justin Hawkins did a headstand on the drum riser and made everyone clap with his legs going back and forth – it was the most amazing stage move I’ve ever seen in my life and from that moment on, I’ve thought to myself that we really need to tour with them. I will find a holographic catsuit if that’s what I have to do!”

If you had a time machine, where in the past or future would you go, and why?

Nick Galnor (email)

“Any time in the 1970s. Regardless of what was going on politically, I think the music was amazing and I would just be going to shows non-stop. I’d say late 70s to early 80s, maybe 1979 just in time to catch a lot of people in their heyday. It’s 2019, guys, let’s get these time machines up and running by now!”

On behalf of our kid, Dan (age 15), he asks: who’s your favourite band and why?

Carl Rogers (Facebook)

“Hello Dan! It’s hard to pick one because I’m the sum of all the things I listen to but if I had to pick one, it has to be Black Sabbath. No matter what era, it’s always epic. Tony Iommi as a guitar player is the total master, he could be drinking tea while writing an amazing riff. How can I even compete, this guy doesn’t even have all of his fingertips!”

Any chance of doing any album-in-full shows?

Dan Jeffery (Facebook)

“I’d love to do that. We’ve talked about going out on more Evening With shows just so we can play the entirety of records and throw in everything we want because we have the entire night to ourselves. You can definitely look forward to that in the future, we’ve been talking about it seriously for a few months now.”

What’s the most cringey thing a man has ever asked you at a show?

@F_C_R_ (Twitter)

“I’m immune to a lot of it now but  a couple of months ago, a guy wanted me to sign his bare ass. I initially said, ‘Really? It’s gonna ruin my Sharpie!’ But he looked at it like it was a sort of rite of passage that would complete his life, so I ended up doing it and he didn’t drop his pants totally down, he just showed me a cheek. It did in fact ruin my Sharpie though, because it was a little sweaty there. Another time, a fan gave me a letter and an envelope with a tampon inside. They asked if I could use that tampon next time that time comes for me, then tweet them so they could feel closer to me. That was a little cringey but somebody went to the effort to think about it. There’s no amount of education that could’ve prepared me for that!”

Who would you have at your dream dinner party and why? You can pick five guests.

James Stoodley (email)

“Since we’re talking about Justin Hawkins, we can include him, plus definitely the late, great Ronnie James Dio. We’ll throw Janis Joplin in, then M Shadows because he’s a sweetheart and he knows all the best sushi places so we’d be looking towards him. I’ll also have my little brother Arejay because he’s a good party starter. He’s my brother and my drummer but I’m still including him in things!”

[all-the-love-harold]

Chapter 9 - Everything Begins with a Heartbeat

Chapter 9 is here! @lovesmelikebrandnewstarlight deserves a special shoutout for helping me out with the title this time and for being the most supportive friend ever. Let me know what you think about what’s going on with Harry and Poppy! 

Chapter 8 

Master Post 

May 12th 2017 – 5 Weeks

5:00am

“Poppy wake up, it’s album day, wake up” Harry said softly into her ear as she stirred a little, hiding her head under the pillow. “Come on love, you’ve got work today,” she lifted her head, and looked at Harry

“Fuck you for releasing your album on a Friday and making me go into work” she said in a croaky sleep ridden voice

“Soz” he pulled the blankets off both of them and jumped out of bed “I’m going to make us coffee, you can get dressed”

He walked out of the room and Poppy rolled back over, groaning loudly and pulling the covers up over her head. She was excited for Harry, she really was, but it was early and she wasn’t supposed to be working on Friday’s any more. She heard Harry’s careful footsteps heading towards the bedroom and she slowly sat herself on the edge on the bed, moving her hand towards her stomach.

“Everything alright love?” Harry said as he walked back in the room, seeing her holding onto her pregnant belly

“Yeah” she said, ever since her doctor’s appointment last week, every little symptom stressed her out, from morning sickness to headaches. She was paranoid that  she was  going to lose the baby and she wanted to do everything she could to make sure that didn’t happen, and so did Harry. “It still doesn’t feel like this is real H”

“It will feel real after your scan next week” he handed her a cup of tea “drink this”

“Thanks” she said grabbing the cup and taking a sip “Oooh” she remembered the gift she bought for Harry “I have a present for you”

“For me?” he said surprised “Why?”

“Because you made a killer album and I’m proud of you” she stood up and opened her wardrobe, leaning down to find where she’d hidden the gift. It wasn’t much, a new journal because she was sick of the sight of the old one, and she thought a new era for Harry deserved a new Journal to write things down in, and a kiwi fruit, because that song had taken on a new meaning since she found out she was having a baby. Poppy handed him the gift bag and he unwrapped the journal first, untying the string and opening it, reading the message she wrote him on the inside cover.

“There’s always more songs to be written H, can’t wait to hear them”

“Thanks Pop, can’t wait to play them for you” he smiled

“There’s more in the bag” she gestured towards the bag as he opened it again

“No there’s not?” he handed her the bag and she looked inside, she must have forgotten to put the Kiwi in there when she got back from doing her groceries

“Stay there” she said, running out to the kitchen and grabbing one out of the fruit bowl, heading straight back to the bedroom “Catch” she said throwing it to him “Baby Brain”

He let out a full body laugh “you got me kiwi” he chuckled “that’s amazing”

“I thought you’d like it” she hugged him “Now go and shave and I’ll drop you home on my way to work”

“Who said I had to shave”

“Lou, and her and Harry will be waiting for you back at your place, so off you go.”

There was no way Harry could go to the studios with Poppy, aside from the fact that his suit was back at his place and he couldn’t turn up in nothing but his boxers, there would be hundreds of fans waiting for his arrival and she knew that he needed security with him. Not only was this a big day for Harry, but it was a big day for Radio 1, it was rare for them to have artists as big as Harry live in the studio, they usually pre-recorded interviews or they were done over the phone, so she needed to be there, to make sure things ran smoothly.

 Poppy got dressed, throwing on a pair of leggings and a long jumper, she’d started to gain a bit of weight with the pregnancy, not enough to make it obvious but enough for people to notice, so she stuck with baggy clothes that hung loose around her body. No one at work knew she was expecting  yet, she’d told Ben that she needed to take Friday’s for a few weeks to help Harry with a few things, so that she could reduce her stress levels, and when she finally reached 12 weeks, she would tell him the real reason.

Harry came out of the bathroom, clean shaven and dressed in an old shirt of his and a pair of track suit pants.

“You ready?” he asked as she put the final touches on her simple makeup look

“Yah” she nodded, turning around and grabbing her bag and car keys “Are you?”

“No” he admitted, referring not to his physical readiness to leave the flat, but to his readiness for the world to hear the album.

“You know it’s already out back home, it’s been out for a few hours”

“I know, it’s already out here too love, came out at midnight”

“Oh yeah” she said, opening the front door “I might listen to it at some point.” He let out a breathy laugh and followed her out and down the stairs to her car which lived in the basement. The trip to Harry’s house was mostly silent, his nerves evident already, until she remembered her morning sickness.

“You’re going to need to cover for me H”

“What do you mean”

“I don’t usually start work until 9 and by then the morning sickness is usually gone, or at least the vomiting part of it has, but there’s no way I’m going to make it through this morning without puking, so you’re going to have to cover for me, if someone asks you what’s going on”

He chucked a little “I’ll tell them you ate something bad”

“Thanks” she said pulling into his driveway, as he opened the door and punched the code into the gate to open it, she drove in so she could turn her car around and drop him closer to the door. “I’ll see you there H.” He smiled and closed the door behind him, making his way inside.

Harry’s house wasn’t far from the BBC Broadcasting house, and it only took her ten minutes to get there this early in the morning. It was almost 6 am when she walked into the building, the queasy feeling setting in.

“Morning everyone” she said, walking through the door to nick’s studio, handing them a cup of coffee that she’d picked up from the early bird café downstairs

“Hiya” Nick said, taking the coffee from her “Not used to seeing you this early”

“Big Boss Ben’s here, I’m here” Poppy laughed

“He’s not here yet” Nick laughed “But thanks for the coffee”

“Well, we’re supposed to be treating Harry like a celebrity, so I had to come in earlier to prepare myself for that.”

“Big day, guys big day” Ben walked in, plate of ham and cheese croissants in hand, the smell of which made Poppy gag, strong smells were really starting to get to her. “Right” he said “Poppy, is everything organised in the green room?”

“Not yet, but Harry’s requests were very little, just water, tea and fresh fruit”

“Great” Ben said “Alright, you two are live in three minutes” he pointed at Grimmy and Tina, “get yourselves organised and we’ll keep you posted on Harry’s arrival”

Poppy walked out of the room and rushed into the bathroom, locking the stall, and throwing up straight into the bowl of the toilet. Letting out a large sigh, hoping that nothing else was going to come up, she stood and flushed the toilet, using the back of her hand to wipe the sweat from her forehead and leaving the stall, finding Ella, the receptionist looking at her with concern.

“Everything alright?”

She nodded, taking a mint out of her bag and popped it in her mouth “I think I ate something funny last night”

“You’ve been looking like shit in the mornings for a few weeks now, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

She laughed nervously “No, not possible” she lied.

“I don’t believe you, but you’ll tell me when you’re ready” she walked out of the room, and Poppy looked at herself in the mirror, holding onto her stomach, and taking a deep breath before exiting the bathroom. Ella was her work wife, she knew most things about her and she could tell when things weren’t right, and if this wasn’t such a high-risk pregnancy, she would have told her about the baby, but she couldn’t risk it.

Poppy made her way to the green room to get everything set up for Harry, placing a bowl of his favourite fruits and a pot of tea on the table, leaving the water in the mini fridge, because she knew he liked it cold. As weird as treating Harry like a celebrity felt, she knew she had to keep this professional for the sake of Radio One. Harry’s people were also responsible for other high-profile people, and she couldn’t be seen treating Harry differently to them.

The morning ran smoothly, Harry arrived at 6:30, taking photos with Fans outside the building before coming into the green room, where she had his album displayed next to the fruit bowl. The interview with Grimmy ran smoothly too and by the time it was finished, Harry was feeling much more relaxed about the release of the album. Poppy had to duck out of  the room a few times, when the morning sickness became too much, and a few people noticed, but she was  able to play it off as food poisoning until Grimmy asked.

“You ok hun?” he asked once Harry had left. Poppy and Grimmy had become quite close since she  started working for Ben, spending time together in her lunch breaks and outside of work too, usually with Harry around.

“Yeah, just got a bit of food poisoning” she said shyly “Good job at keeping that professional, I know it’s hard when you know all the answers to the questions you’ve got to ask”

“Gotta treat it like work” he nodded “You sticking around today? Or are you out for the day?”

“I’ve got a few emails to respond to and phone calls to make, and then I’m outta here”

“Leave em for Monday babes, go home and get better”

“I second that” Ben called out “You’ve been puking all morning, you had Harry’s team worried for you, and every time you left it looked like Harry wanted to run after you”

“Surprised he doesn’t have food poisoning too, he’s been living in your flat for the last week”  Grimmy chimed in

“He gets lonely in his big house” she laughed “refuses to eat what I cook him though”

“I’m still not convinced that you’ve never slept with him” Grimmy said

“I promise you we haven’t”

“Don’t believe ya, you’re too close with each other”

“Swear on my Life”

“Whatever, just make sure he makes me best man at the wedding”

Poppy rolled her eyes and walked away, making her way towards her desk, which sat adjacent to Ella’s, looking out the window. When she sat down, she took a moment, to take a breath and try to settle her stomach. After a few minutes the urge to vomit passed and she got to work, hoping to be out of the office by lunch time. By 11:30 she’d responded to all her emails, scheduled a few guests for the coming months, and worked out Ben’s dairy for the next week, so she decided to call it a day. She packed up her desk and locked her laptop in its cabinet, saying goodbye Ella and Ben before going to find Grimmy.

“I’m out for the day Grim, I’ll see you tomorrow night?” she stuck her head around the corner, where his desk sat

“I think I’m going to head off too, Friday innit” he stood and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair “Shall we grab some lunch, if you’re feeling up to it?”

“Lunch sounds wonderful”

***

May 13th 2017, 8:00pm

This was Harry’s first full show as a solo artist, and he was nervous about it. He’d spent most of the day rehearsing and being a Saturday, Poppy had been at home relaxing, doing some research about her condition, to try and ease her mind. It didn’t work, she’d only stressed herself out even more. That’s why she was glad to be here at the garage, to take her mind off things for a while. She was standing next to Nick and Gemma when Harry walked out on stage with the band. Opening with Ever Since New York had been her idea, because it was an easy song for the crowd to sing along to.

“Oh tell me something I don’t already know” he sang, a smile spread across his face “Sing it” he grabbed the mic off it’s stand and held it out to the audience and they all sang it back to him. Watching Harry perform had always been something she loved, he truly was born for it, but standing there, in a crowd, largely filled with his closest friends and family, singing his songs back to him, was a special moment, there was a sense of solidarity with everyone in that room. They were all in this together, friend, family or fan, they  were here for Harry, no matter what.

“Hello” he said into the mic after singing Carolina “I’m Harry, nice to meet you, thank you very much for having me, how are you?” the crowd cheered and Harry spotted Poppy, tears forming in her eyes “Good! Poppy are you crying already?” she laughed, refusing to respond to his mockery, sending him a thumbs up instead “alright, she’s crying already” the crowd laughed and she hid her face in Nicks shoulder “So, my album came out yesterday, and uh,  I wanted to do a show, and uh, I’m going to play those songs, for you I hope you enjoy them, and uh, this is my first show in a long time, my first show ever, so it’s a night I won’t forget and I thank you very much for being here with me, this is Meet Me in the Hallway”

Throughout the show, every time Harry made eye contact with Poppy, he’d smile and wave, or make a silly face at her if she wasn’t singing along. Poppy and Nick spent most of the evening dancing along and beaming proudly at their best friend while he had the time of his life on stage.  After Harry finished his cover of Ultra Lightbeam, Nick turned to Poppy, with teary eyes “Pretty shit isn’t he”

“Awful, dunno why all these people like him” she joked, tears filling her eyes as well.

“That was not my song, uh thank you so much, uh, it’s uh always a little strange performing after not doing anything for a long time and I uh I’m a little rusty in the joints, I’m overwhelmed, since I put out the single, by your support your continued support, I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends to share this with”

“That’s us” Poppy and Nick said, jumping up and down pointing at themselves

“Yes, I can see you two idiots over there, I like you, you’re my friends” he said looking at them as they both high-fived

“We’ve made it” nick said sarcastically, as Harry introduced the crowd to his band.

The ‘Whoo hoo’s’ from Only Angel, echoed around the room and as Poppy and Nick danced he leant over to her “He’s never going to admit this, but I swear this song is about you”

“It’s just not” she gently pushed nick “he wouldn’t do that”

“He would” he said, yelling out a whoohoo with the crowd.

“I feel very lucky to have some friends and family in the audience tonight, I’d like give a special shout out, to my best friend in the whole wide world Poppy, without her, this album would not have happened, so if you’re near her, uh, I don’t know, maybe give her hug, but uh, be gentle because she’s pre – uh fragile, she’s fragile, uh this is Sweet Creature” he blushed smiling towards Poppy

Gemma turned and gave her a curious look, as a fan tapped Poppy on the shoulder and offered her a hug. She was lovely, asking her a few questions about Harry, while he sang Sweet Creature, a song that she knew was about her for sure.  For the rest of the show, Gemma kept a close eye on Poppy, watching as her hands occasionally brushed over her belly while she was dancing.

After the show, Poppy Nick and Gemma, made their way backstage to see Harry. Jeff and Tommy were standing in the corner, trying to find the bottle of champagne that they brought to make a toast with and muster enough glasses for everyone in the room. As they walked in Poppy shot Harry a look, telling him that she noticed his slip up and he mouthed a quiet “sorry” at her, while he continued his conversation with Sarah.

“Great show H” she said to him when he had a free moment. The room was so full of his friends and family that it was hard to move around in such a small space, but it was heart warming to see all these people here to support him.

“Thanks” he smiled “and sorry, about the slip up”

“It’s alright, Gemma may have noticed, but I don’t think anyone else did” she admitted “she might think it’s yours though”

He shrugged “we’ll clear that up when the time comes, let her think it for now if she wants.” Tommy came around and handed them both a glass of champagne and before Poppy even thought about not being able to drink it Jeff was standing on the table trying to get everyone’s attention.

“Guys” he shouted “Can I have your attention for a minute” the room went silent and everyone turned their attention to Jeff “Thanks, I’d just like to give a quick toast to Harry, we’re all proud of you H, it’s a great album, and I’m sure I speak for everyone in this room when I say that we’re excited to see where it takes you, you did a great job tonight and I’m sure that’s the first of many great shows, so” he raised his glass “to Harry”

The room erupted in a toast “To Harry” everyone responded and took a sip of their drinks. Poppy noticed Gemma look at her in that moment, so she brought the glass to her lips, making sure none of the liquid passed throughand handed the glass to Harry as soon as she looked away

“Drink this so Gemma doesn’t get suspicious of my full glass” he nodded, looking over to where Gemma was standing with Anne and downing it like a shot “Christ, I didn’t say skull it”

He shrugged “Didn’t want her to see.”

The venue only allowed everyone to stay for an hour after the show, so Harry invited everyone who was left to go back to his place for a few more drinks, but Poppy was tired, and she decided to call it night.

“I’m going to call it night H, I’m exhausted”

“Alright love, that’s probably a good idea, I’ll call in tomorrow, before I head off to L.A” he said slurring his words a little.

“Thanks” she wrapped her arms around him bringing him in for a hug “I’m proud of you”

“Wouldn’t be here without you love” he smiled “can I call you cab to get you home?”

“I’ll get the tube, it’s fine” she said searching her wallet for her oyster card

“Please” he said “it’s safer”

“Fine” she said, knowing that he wouldn’t give up until she agreed, especially if he was a little drunk.  

Poppy got home half an hour later and headed straight to bed, falling asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. Pregnancy was really starting to tire her out, it was rare that she was awake past 10pm anymore and she usually took an afternoon nap. It was strange sleeping without Harry next to her, but she knew she would have to get used it, he was going to be away for the next two weeks and after that he would be constantly going back and forth, getting ready for the tour.

***

June 2nd 2017 – 8 weeks

Poppy sat next to Harry in the waiting room of her Midwife’s offices, waiting for her second scan. The  first one had  happened at 6 weeks, while Harry was in L.A, filming the Late Late show, and everything had gone well. It looked the baby had positioned itself so that herr condition wouldn’t affect it until later in the pregnancy, which meant that she probably wouldn’t carry until full term, but it wouldn’t cause a miscarriage. None the less, her midwife had suggested she has a scan every two weeks, just to make sure everything stayed on track.

“Poppy” the midwife called, and both her and Harry stood and followed her into an examination room. “This must be Dad?” she said looking at Harry

“No” she shook her head “He’s just here for support, Dad’s not in the picture”

Harry held his hand out to shake her hand “I’m Harry” he said

“Julie” she said, shaking his hand, doing a double take when she recognised his face “Harry Styles?” she questioned

“That’s me” he nodded

“Sorry, Mr Styles, this is very unprofessional of me, but I’m a big fan of your album”

“No you’re fine” he said, smiling “Thank you”

“Alright Poppy, since bubba is still very tiny, today’s scan is going to have to be another internal one,  so I’ll give you a second to strip your bottom half down, there’s a gown on the table there that you can put on” she motioned towards the hospital gown that sat folded in plastic wrapping on the bed “and Mr Styles, you’re welcome to stay, but if either of you are uncomfortable, you can sit in the waiting room until we’re finished with the scan”

“He can stay” Poppy said, to smiling at both of them. Julie smiled back and left the room, letting her get changed.

“When she says internal, does she mean, like” he moved his two fingers in an upwards motion “Inside?”

“Up my Vagina Harry” she said bluntly unbuttoning her jeans while he blinked at her bluntness

“Yeah good” he said, voice more high pitched than normal “I’ll stay up here then” he moved towards the head of the examination table

“Good move” she nodded, slipping the gown on and taking her jeans and panties off, laying down on the bed, feet up on the stirrups.

Julie knocked on the door, checking that she was ready and walked back in the room, sitting on the stool at the foot of the bed.

“We ready?” she asked, slipping a pair of gloves on. Poppy nodded and Harry reached down and grabbed her hand. The procedure was a little uncomfortable, like getting a pap smear, but it was worth it when she saw her baby up on the screen.

“Everything’s looking good Poppy” Julie said, turning the screen towards her, “Bubba’s sitting there on the left still, which is where want them to be, we’ve grown quite a bit since last time too, which is a wonderful sign” she felt Harry let out a sigh of relief “Shall we hear the heart beat?” both Poppy and Harry nodded

“Yes please” she said softly, trying to hold back tears

Julie pressed a few buttons on the ultrasound machine, and within seconds she could hear the sound of her baby’s heart for the first time. The  last scan was too early for that, the baby was too small, and the technology wasn’t good enough to be able to hear such a small heartbeat. Poppy’s eyes filled with tears and sher felt Harry’s grip on her hand tighten as his other had reached down and started rubbing her shoulder.

“It’s the most beautiful sound in the world isn’t it?” Julie said smiling, “I’ve taken a recording of that for you to take home, I’ll give you two a second, and you can get changed, and when I come back we’ll go through a few things, ok?”

“Great” Poppy  said, “Thank you”

She walked out of the room and she sat listening to the heartbeat for a few seconds. “It’s real Harry” the tears were streaming down her face now “There’s a baby in there”

“There’s a baby in there,Pop” he said, wiping her tears away and helping her sit up “I can’t see it, but I can hear it”

Poppy laughed “It’s right there H” she said pointing to the tiny white dot on the screen “Like a little potato.”

“Your little spud” he smiled at her

“Our little spud H” she smiled back “I know it’s not yours, but you’re the closest thing it's got to a Dad”

“Our little spud” he said helping her sit up, and hugging her “Now put some pants on would ya?”

Poppy giggled and climbed down off the bed, picking up her jeans and panties and slipping them back on, discarding the gown onto the table, and taking a seat in the chair next to the desk. A few minutes later Julie walked back into the room, with another woman, who Poppy  assumed was her obstetrician.

“Miss Thomas, Mr Styles, this is Doctor Miller, she’s going to be your obstetrician, she specialises in pregnancies like yours and she’s got a few things to talk to you about”

“It’s lovely to meet you both” Dr Miller said, taking a seat at the desk “thanks Julie”

Julie smiled and left the room, leaving them with the doctor.

“Now, I don’t want either of you to be worrying about anything, I’ve taken a quick look at your scan and everything is looking very healthy, baby is growing at the normal rate and your placenta looks healthy too”

“Great” Harry said, placing his hand on Poppy’s thigh

“As I’m sure Julie mentioned last time, pregnancies like this often don’t make it full term, and natural births are rare, so normal procedure is to schedule two different C-section dates, one at 35 weeks, and one at 38 weeks, and throughout the pregnancy we will monitor the growth of the baby and decide what needs to happen when the time comes – are you ok with that?”

“Of course” Poppy  nodded

“Great, so 35 weeks would put us at November 17th and 38 weeks would put us at December 8th” Poppy saw the look on Harry’s face, knowing that he was still on tour for both of those dates, and there was no way he could cancel it at this stage. “Now obviously we try our best to let you get to full term, so just because these are booked in doesn’t mean they’re set in stone, what will probably happen in the last few weeks is that you’ll be put on bed rest, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”

“Good” she nodded

“For now though, you still need to be taking it easy, make sure you’re taking your vitamins and getting enough rest”

Poppy continued nodding along with what she was saying “Has Julie spoken to you about the Harmony test?”

“She mentioned it briefly last time”

“Great, well all it is, is a simple blood test that screens for any genetic abnormalities, and we’re able to tell the sex much earlier than we would be with just scans”

“Cool” Harry said

“It’s not a part of the NHS though, so it’s completely up to you weather you have it or not, it’s quite expensive”

“That’s not a problem” Harry said, looking at Poppy

“I’ll let you two decide if that’s something you want, if you decide to do it, all you have to do is ring up and book in a blood test”

“Wonderful” Poppy  smiled

“Alright, I think that’s everything we needed to talk about for this appointment. We’ll continue with the scans every two weeks for the rest of your first trimester, and we’ll reassess from there.”

“Great” she said, picking up her bag “It was lovely to meet you”

“You too” she smiled, opening the door for them.

Poppy and Harry made their way out of the practice and back to his car, ducking theirr heads to avoid being seen. Once they got in the car and they were headed back to Poppy’s flat, Harry spoke.

“I don’t want you to worry about money with this Pop, if you want that test, please book it in, I’ll pay for it, it’s the least I can do, if I’m not going to be here for the birth”

“Me and little spud are going to do everything we can to keep him in there for an extra week until you get back”

“Him?” Harry smiled at her

“It feels like a boy.”

[dylanjonferguson-blog]

S01E07: “Target For Terror”: Dichromatism

Our misty, videotaped dreams of the un-human Hobo as an actor of radical freedom may have been premature, if not delusional. The dog's narrow focus on interpersonal justice leaves no room for ideology, politics, or other forest-over-trees considerations. “Target For Terror,” the seventh episode of TLH, is a mix of menace, moral clarity, and naiveté that mimics a dog’s worldview, but draws uneasy parallels with our own.  

The fairly fantastic characters of “Target For Terror” literally leap from the headlines. The first thing we see is the bold, 72-point pronouncement at the top of a broadsheet, filling the screen: "TERRORISTS MAKE MORE DEMANDS." The unidentified newspaper reader then folds down the page, which, like an upside-down opera curtain, has the effect of revealing our human hero. Paul Hamilton – young man, snub-nose, Lego-hair, jacket-collar popped, flared pants swishing – is striding confidently into a train station. Following closely behind are two sketchy characters, who we immediately surmise are the terrorists. It is as if the dramatic headline conjured these players, or as if we have passed through the headline, into the world of ALL-CAPS anxiety, entering the fear-soaked deathscape of broadsheet news.

Briefly now, let’s jump ahead to an almost unaccountably strange moment that occurs halfway through the episode. One terrorist walks in on the other, who is perusing a thick paperback, and tells him to “Stop reading that junk!" Why were we invited to this moment? The title of the book, unfortunately can't be glimpsed. The only part of the cover we can see in an element in the lower left-hand corner: a swastika! Is it a book about Nazism? Are we being told that the terrorists are Nazis? Or that they're anti-fascists who consider Nazism "junk"? Perhaps it's a red herring to focus on that graphic detail. But surely there's a reason the one terrorist is chastised for reading a book.

I think it has to do with the newspaper headline at the start, which introduced our setting as a reductive and fearful world. Being in the world of a panicked newspaper means rejecting the world of books, which would include depths of context and greater stores of information, reasoning, empathy. Even the terrorists reject any intrusion from that world, which is foreign to the territory of the tale.

A dog must naturally see the world as tense and simple, but we are coached that way by broadsheet profiteers. And those who manipulate their message.

Paul Hamilton is a kind and rich fellow. The terrorists want to kill or capture him as part of an obscure plot to get at the boy's grandfather, Chief Justice Hamilton, played by John Carradine. Carradine, very old at this point, sometimes struggles with his delivery, but still has a large, theatrical presence, and beautifully gnarled, expressive hands that cling to fine lapels in his opulent office, which is replete with mahogany furnishings and a deep, patterned carpet that no doubt hides expensive Cuban ash. The camera films that office with a certain staid reverence: we’re not to scoff at this man, we’re to see his perspective as right and proper. The terrorists, in comparison, have weird, strained faces, natty clothes, and awkwardly-carved facial hair (one is played by the great Cronenberg regular Geva Kovacs).   The dog – named Nick, this time around – saves Paul in the train station, but Chief Justice Hamilton warns his grandson that the rugged schemers are still out there. Now that the terrorists have spooked their prey, they take another line of attack. By successfully kidnapping Paul’s fiancée, Pam, they force the groom-to-be to come out to a remote hotel in the country, where he too is kidnapped.  

“We have a cause,” the terrorist tells Paul, warning him not to try any funny stuff. “We live for it, and we’re willing to die for it.” But what this cause might be is, glaringly, never even hinted at.

In the 1988 Lockerbie bombing, US intelligence officials initially concluded that Syria was behind the attack, as retaliation for America’s downing of an Iranian passenger jet earlier that year. President Reagan, however, shifted the blame to Libya’s President Gaddafi, who was a more convenient villain (and happy to play along, to boost his anti-American cred). The U.S. president-cum-actor even participated in the creation of a neo-conservative conspiracy theory that had Gaddafi and Carlos the Jackal heading a deranged hit-squad hellbent on assassinating Reagan. A similar form of narrative alchemy happened in the weeks after the 9/11 attacks, when the Bush administration shifted the story to point blame at the unconnected Saddam Hussein, even though almost all the attackers were Saudis. The point is that American government ideologues seem to kind of like terrorists because, unlike a state army, their origins and motives often seem unclear, and so can be manipulated in the public mind. Obviously, anyone willing to kill and die for a cause has strong beliefs, but American governments would rather obscure the meaning, or even existence, of a cause. We can all remember George W. Bush nonsensically asserting that the terrorists simply “hate our freedoms.”  

This matters, because our films tend to reflect, intentionally or not, the false storylines being peddled. At the height of the Bush-era terrorism panic, The Dark Knight was released, starring a Bush/Blair-style Batman battling an anti-ideology lunatic who just wanted to “watch the world burn.” Why? Oh, no reason. Terrorists, we’ve been counterintuitively led to believe by state propaganda, don’t really need a reason. Apparently they just want to fuck shit up (or “maximize chaos” to use the ridiculous description of Nazi motives peddled by Jordan Peterson). It’s clear why we’re fed this lie. Obfuscating the position and ultimate aims of the terrorists makes their actions seem mad, and any opposing actions seem justified.

With both Pam and Paul captive to the villains, it’s up to the dog Nick to save them. And here we’re introduced to the episode’s most sympathetic character: Osborne, the meek, bespectacled man who runs the dilapidated country inn where the criminal action is happening. Unlike Paul, Osborne is not aligned with state ideology; he’s motivated by narrow, everyday concerns, like ensuring no dogs loiter on his property. We’re clearly meant to identify with Osborne: when Nick sprays the hotelier with a water hose, to get his attention, the water is first sprayed directly on the camera lens, at us.

Nick rouses the non-ideologic self-interested character to the defense of one political side. However, he does this not by appealing to ideology, but by threatening the comfort of the passive actor. This is reminiscent of how the newspaper is always declaring our comfort to be under threat. The sleight is possible, since the terrorists’ positions have been strategically re-written so that it appears that threatening stability is a goal unto itself, rather than a means to an end.

The Hobo is of course not actually acting in defense of state ideology, but his narrow focus on context-free morality (and waking up the non-ideological actor with his moral concerns) can be exploited to that end.  

The dog comes from a third world, not of power or of resistance, but the world of the woods. Among the trees, living as an animal, there are only immediate concerns, so of course he can’t see the greater context of his actions. But at times, this can also be an advantage, for him. When the terrorists chase Nick, he leads them off into the trees, and there they become hopelessly lost. In the woods, among individual trunks, their ideology can't follow, so they're easily duped.  

Osborne has a “No Dogs Allowed” sign on his property. By forbidding dogs, Osborne wishes to keep the wildness of apolitical moral action at bay (the forest, after all, is cut down a safe distance from his beloved lawn). And yet, even though he appears unaligned, Osborne’s cherished obsession with self-concern is policed by the channels and apparatuses of the state (which are nourished by a particular ideology, though he doesn't see it).

The wildness of the dog's morality runs outside of these channels. And yet, it is the dog, the apparently-radical actor, that draws Osborne's actions to a political side, for it is a roused Osborne who eventually unties and frees the kidnapped couple.  

Here we see the dangers of radical actions being co-opted to state ends, if the actions don't have their own, competing ideological compass.

This is why Osborne changes his sign at the end, crossing out the “No,” so it says simply “Dogs Allowed.” Since the moral-ideological motivation of the terrorists has been successfully hidden from him, and his own morality has been manipulated to be indistinguishable from self-interest, he is now able to see morality, state ideology, and his own comfort as compatible, and indeed mutually-reinforcing.  

The freed Paul Hamilton says he wants to make the dog his “best man.” Nick has been granted humanity because he is perceived to have collaborated with the correct (state) ideology.

The Hobo naturally flees this.

2 stars

[noonetosmilefor]

weird asks that say a lot

thanks for asking me to answer all these weird asks, @uneven-odds <3

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? - teacups.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? - chocolate bars.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? - bubblegum.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? - too loud, a bit cocky but very good at school.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? - soda cans.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? - formal.

7. earbuds or headphones? - earbuds.

8. movies or tv shows? - tv shows.

9. favorite smell in the summer? - the sea.

10. game you were best at in p.e.? - völkerball. (Dodgeball?)

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? - nothing, i don’t eat breakfast.

12. name of your favorite playlist? - i don’t have any playlists.

13. lanyard or key ring? - key ring.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? - haribo gold-bears.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? - sunrise by michael köhlmeier.

16. most comfortable position to sit in? - cross-legged.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? - nike air max.

18. ideal weather? - rainy.

19. sleeping position? - i’m most comfy when i sleep on the left side.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? - on a piece of paper.

21. obsession from childhood? - star wars. it’s still an obsession haha.

22. role model? - don’t really have one.

23. strange habits? - i don’t think that I have any kind of “strange” habits.

24. favorite crystal? - amethyst.

25. first song you remember hearing? - you’ll be in my heart by phil collins.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? - going for a long walk with friends.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? - getting cozy inside and reading a good book.

28. five songs to describe you? - to be human, many of horror, life of the party, two straight lines, suburbia.

29. best way to bond with you? - humor.

30. places that you find sacred? - cellars.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? - a grey top and a ripped up jeans and high heels.

32. top five favorite vines? - myrrh Der, Wtf Richard, Dropped my croissant, hello?, fresh avocado.

33. most used phrase in your phone? - wtf or same.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? - none right now.

35. average time you fall asleep? - around 10 pm.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? - i think it was bad luck brian.

37. suitcase or duffel bag? - suitcase.

38. lemonade or tea? - tea.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? - lemon cake.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? - a girl once set the paper towel dispenser on fire. 

41. last person you texted? - the lovely @handsomestarlord <3

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? - jacket pockets.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? - jean jacket.

44. favorite scent for soap? - rose.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? - fantasy.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? - just a t shirt.

47. favorite type of cheese? - I LOVE cheddar.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? - a banana.

49. what saying or quote do you live by? - live and let live.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? - there are a few things, thanks to my incredible friends. <3

51. current stresses? - LIFE!

52. favorite font? - i always loved arial narrow in word.

53. what is the current state of your hands? - good, i guess haha.

54. what did you learn from your first job? - that i don’t wanna do it ever again.

55. favorite fairy tale? - when i was little i always wanted to hear snow white and the seven dwarfs.

56. favorite tradition? - our christmas and easter lunch with the family.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? - i figured my whole life out and that’s that. there were a lot of struggles and the biggest i haven’t overcome to this day.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? - i KNOW people, i know how they feel and just KNOW when things are wrong, i’m a good listener, i’m often told, that i’m very funny and i’m always there to help people in need.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? - “fuck it!”.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? - i don’t know anything about anime, so idk.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? - "There's no cure for being a c*nt." thank you Bronn, you’re such a wise man haha.

62. seven characters you relate to? - Peter Parker, Arya Stark, Draco Malfoy, Legolas, Luke Skywalker, Nick (from New Girl, god he’s just ME!) and Robin.

63. five songs that would play in your club? - probably just Kraftklub songs rn haha.

64. favorite website from your childhood? - wtf? i didn’t even know what websites were back then, so none.

65. any permanent scars? - yeah, on my knee.

66. favorite flower(s)? - tulips.

67. good luck charms? - don’t have any.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? - broccoli. i just HATE it.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? - that european beavers were declared as fishes by some christian people. just... idk either.

70. left or right handed? - right handed.

71. least favorite pattern? - dots and lines combined uagh.

72. worst subject? - math.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? - fries and ice cream.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? - 11.

75. when did you lose your first tooth? - idk, i can’t remember.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? - potato salad.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? - orchid.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? - sushi from a grocery store.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? - driver’s license photo.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? - jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? - lighting bugs.

82. pc or console? - console.

83. writing or drawing? - writing.

84. podcasts or talk radio? - podcasts.

84. barbie or polly pocket? - polly pocket.

85. fairy tales or mythology? - mythology.

86. cookies or cupcakes? - cupcakes.

87. your greatest fear? - losing loved ones.

88. your greatest wish? - to be truly happy.

89. who would you put before everyone else? - myself.

90. luckiest mistake? - creating a fanfiction account back then.

91. boxes or bags? - bags.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? - fairy lights.

93. nicknames? - crissy.

94. favorite season? - autumn.

95. favorite app on your phone? - twitter.

96. desktop background? - mountains.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? - 2 haha.

98. favorite historical era? - world war II just because i’ve always been very interested in this kind of topic.

[maddie-grove]

Bi-Monthly Reading Round-Up: November/December

Playlist

“When I’m Gone” by Brenda Holloway (Gone Girl)

“I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston (At the Queen’s Summons)

“Doctor My Eyes” by Jackson Browne (The Ask and the Answer)

“I Can Love You Better” by the Dixie Chicks (Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow)

“The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang (Storm)

“Suspicion” by Terry Stafford (Trapped at the Altar)

“Smokey Places” by the Corsairs (The Diamond Slipper)

“You’re My Best Friend” by Queen (Someone to Trust)

“Praying” by Kesha (The Hostage)

“Castle Rock” by Barnaby Bright (Bledding Sorrow)

“The Circle of Life” from The Lion King (Monsters of Men)

“Disturbia” by Rihanna (I’ll Be Gone in the Dark)

“It’s All in the Game” by Tommy Edwards (Doomed Queen Anne)

“Locking Up My Heart” by the Marvelettes (Beware, Princess Elizabeth)

Best of the Bi-Month

The Hostage by Susan Wiggs (2000): In the chaos of the Great Chicago Fire of 1871, backwoods trader Tom Silver kidnaps heiress Deborah Sinclair, hoping to make her industrialist father compensate the victims of his greed and negligence. Nothing goes according to plan, however, and these two people who should be enemies become anything but. I absolutely loved this book; the combination of slow-burn romance and action-packed non-romantic plot was perfect, and Deborah’s arc is just beautiful.

Worst of the Bi-Month

Bledding Sorrow by Marilyn Harris (1976): The cash-strapped heir of an ancient Yorkshire estate, his improperly medicated American wife, and a working-class coach driver are forced to reenact a Tudor-era tragedy, because of...reasons, I guess. I wasn’t too disappointed when I realized that this was Gothic horror instead of Gothic romance--I like scary stories, too--but this isn’t so much a novel as a long parade of pointlessly dismaying incidents. The characters are generally powerless to avoid their fates and, what’s more, they don’t have the opportunity or inclination to struggle very hard. Their helplessness might work if there were a compelling explanation for it, but Harris only makes a few vague suggestions (i.e., “Reincarnation?” or “House evil?”). Also, one of the supporting characters is such an egregiously offensive gay stereotype that he would probably make Jack Chick exclaim, “Whoa, tone it down!” The style was decent, though, and I had a few good laughs along the way.

Rest of the Bi-Month

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara (2018): In this posthumously published true-crime book, McNamara details a series of burglaries, rapes, and murders that plagued Sacramento and Southern California during the 1970s-1980s, believed by her and many others to be the work of one man, dubbed the Golden State Killer. McNamara does a wonderful job capturing the strange false tranquility of Californian suburbia circa 1980, and she presents the (often convoluted) facts clearly but never salaciously. The good taste and empathy of her style kind of undercuts any passages along the lines of “perhaps researching serial killers is deeply unsavory,” but that was my only issue with the book.

The Ask and the Answer by Patrick Ness (2009): In the first sequel to The Knife of Never Letting Go, young Todd Hewitt, having left behind the world he knew forever, deals with increasingly morally complex and traumatic situations. Meanwhile, his new friend, [redacted], wrestles with similarly thorny and upsetting issues. This is a worthy sequel to one of my favorite books I read this year. I missed the road narrative of the first installment, but the complicated ethical dilemmas and the ever-switching power dynamics very nearly made up for its loss.

Monsters of Men by Patrick Ness (2010): In the final book of Ness’s trilogy, [redacted]. This was the weakest installment, but only because of some fairly minor structural issues, such as some initial narrative choppiness, that I probably wouldn’t have noticed if the first two books hadn’t been so well-structured as well as thematically fascinating. The payoff is pretty fantastic, in any event. Also, Todd’s whole...thing with the Mayor is one of the most gloriously weird, fascinating relationships I’ve seen in a YA novel.

Someone to Trust by Mary Balogh (2018): In Regency England, twenty-six-year-old Lord Hodges decides to do the proper thing and get himself wed; however, his narcissistic mother, not content with the significant emotional damage she’s dealt him over the years, keeps interfering with his search because she’s worried he’ll marry someone who’s not hot enough by her standards. Meanwhile, his thirty-five-year-old BFF, Lady Overfield, has resolved to accept the suit of a staid but pleasant acquaintance...but something just doesn’t feel right. You know what does feel right, though? Waltzing and talking about deep shit with Lord Hodges...and the feeling is mutual!!! This isn’t the most action-packed romance, but it’s super-cute and I was 1000% sold on Lady Overfield’s subtle awesomeness.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn (2012): Unhappily married and resignedly living in his Missouri hometown, Nick Dunne suddenly finds himself as the prime suspect in his wife’s disappearance and apparent murder. What the fuck is going on? I spent like five years of my life debating with myself whether to read this book, and I’m glad I did (long after its relevancy had peaked, of course). It’s easily the weakest of Flynn’s three novels--its sense of place isn’t as strong as Sharp Objects or Dark Places, although I understand that’s somewhat intentional, and neither main character works as a representation of an actual person--but it’s a propulsive read and it’s pretty damn funny. 

The Diamond Slipper by Jane Feather (1997): Lady Cordelia Brandenburg travels with her BFF, a teenage Marie Antoinette, so they can get hitched to the Austrian ambassador to France and the Dauphin, respectively. Two problems: Cordelia’s new husband is a fucking monster, and she’s fallen in love with the grieving brother of the husband’s mysteriously dead first wife. This novel probably isn’t to everyone’s taste; it kind of zigzags between a semi-cutesy fairy-tale feel and depictions of horrific abuse, and the effect is somewhat jarring. I enjoyed its use of historical details, though, and I liked the heroine a lot.

Beware, Princess Elizabeth by Carolyn Meyer (2002): In this historical YA novel, Elizabeth I narrates several incidents in her life from cradle to throne, focusing on all the times that her half-sister Mary came super-close to having her executed. Although I found the structure of the novel somewhat choppy, I really liked the portrayal of Elizabeth’s complicated relationships with her pious, increasingly suspicious half-siblings, plus the plot had plenty of action. 

Doomed Queen Anne by Carolyn Meyer (2001): In another installment of Meyer’s Young Royals series, Anne Boleyn explains her journey from awkward child to unconventional, controversial courtier to VICTIM OF TOTAL RAILROADING. This novel was even choppier than Beware, Princess Elizabeth, mostly because Elizabeth’s story is better-suited to the episodic plot structure, but I have to say I love this portrayal of Anne Boleyn as much as (if not more than) I did at twelve. Her motivations aren’t high-minded or altruistic, but she’s got feelings, damn it, and she has a right to fight against being treated like shit! Also, Meyer gives her a sixth finger on one hand, which was probably not the case historically, but it’s cool that Anne is portrayed sympathetically while also having a body that’s stigmatized by society.

Trapped at the Altar by Jane Feather (2014): In the early 1680s, Catholic Lady Ariadne Daunt and Protestant Sir Ivor Chalfont live in Daunt Valley, a makeshift community of loosely related lawless aristocrats who lost their lands in the English Civil War. Ariadne and Ivor are force to wed by the community “elders,” who hope to send them to the royal court as a religiously flexible power couple. This already-tense situation is made more awkward by the fact that Ariadne is in love with another man, while Ivor is in love with Ariadne. This novel is part of a small subset of romances that would be better as historical fiction. I loved the unique (albeit nightmarish) setting of Daunt Valley, the exciting journey to London, and the well-portrayed court intrigue. I even quite liked Ariadne. However, Ivor was such a shit. Ariadne is upfront with him about her love for another, but, because Ivor “loves” her, he acts like she’s morally obligated to go along with the whole thing. He never really forgives her for not being a virgin on their wedding night, and his reaction when he finds out she’s been using birth control is bloodcurdling. Also, Feather throws away an interesting dynamic where Ariadne has genuine feelings for two complex men in favor of making Ivor’s rival a creepy stalker (but also an embarrassingly ineffectual sissy). 

Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow by Jessica Day George (2008): A  nameless Norwegian girl who can talk to animals agrees to live with an enchanted polar bear for one year in exchange for her family’s deliverance from poverty, secretly hoping to find the answer to her beloved brother’s sadness as well. She finds herself way in over her head, though, with a curse that goes back centuries or longer. I enjoyed this retelling of “East of the Sun, West of the Moon,” and I thought a lot of the concepts were really clever (hint: this is neither the first girl nor the first polar bear). In execution, though, I didn’t like it as much as Edith Pattou’s retelling, East, which has a stronger sense of place and better-developed minor characters.

Storm by Donna Jo Napoli (2014): Sebah, a sixteen-year-old Canaanite girl, loses her home, her family, and her entire way of life in a sudden deluge that drowns the whole world...almost. After weeks of surviving in trees and on rafts, she manages to stow away on Noah’s Ark, where she rooms with some bonobos and learns way too much about Ham’s marital problems. I thought this was a very creative book with some delightfully weird earthiness, but it becomes somewhat static once Sebah boards the ark and meets a character who kills too much of the tension.

At the Queen’s Summons by Susan Wiggs (2009 update of 1995 original): Pippa, a street performer in Elizabethan England, claims the patronage of Aidan O Donoghue, a minor Irish king, in order to save herself from arrest. Aidan, a goodhearted fellow, goes along with it. This was a pleasant story, but I can remember almost nothing about it. I love Susan Wiggs, but her Tudor Rose trilogy is kind of a snore.