#the 17-year-old & the gay bar

[haveyoureadthispoem-poll]

"i want to raise a city behind his teeth for all boys of choirs & closets to refuge in."

Read it here | Reblog for a larger sample size!

[what-even-is-thiss]

It’s weird how everyone hating you when you’re nine years old still affects your self esteem when you’re 26 like yeah nobody came to my birthday party but that was like 17 years ago why is it stopping me from going to a gay bar

[ryomanticizing]

A begging to be loved

- Armand, Amadeo, Arun Interview With The Vampire

Interview With The Vampire // 520 Studios // Bright Dead Things, Ada Limon // The 17-Year-Old & the Gay Bar, Danez Smith // Sara Teasdale // unknown // The Haunting of Hill House, Shirley Jackson // The Raven Boys, Maggie Stiefvater // unknown // Song of Myself, Walt Whitman // Citizen Illegal, José Olivarez // Virginia Woolf // unknown // unknown // Dear Dictator, Saint Motel // Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out, Richard Siken // David Levithan // The Hours, Michael Cunningham // Sue Zhao // Teaching the Dog Not to Nip, Jim Moore

[st-dionysus]

(The Poem is named) Emetophobia CW

It’s 2024 and I’m in a 20 year old drag bar, watching the very first trans-masculine performer to compete on their stage, he gets second place even though he deserved first.

I show up to the men’s bathhouse on trans night to get free entry and get turned away at the door, and told it’s for transgirls only, bitch you could have put it on the flyer that transmen need not apply.

I’m doing a line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I get banned from the camsite for listing myself as transgender when I don’t have a dick, I complain online and get told that the trans-masculine body is to grotesque to be fetishized and I should be grateful.

I wear a packer and hitch up a skirt, walk the street, get $20, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Cissie puts a TW #body-mutilation tag under my thirst trap. Tranny puts a TW #dysphoria tag under my thirst trap.

T-girl with a callout post pedojackets me, Enby with TME in bio pedojackets me, T-boy with a self-deprecating joke about men in his bio pedojackets me.

I do another line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic wearing a mask – not cause I’m compromised (I am), just to hide my beard – avoiding making everyone uncomfortable.

I am getting re-diagnosed with BPD, which just means I have bitch disorder and no one trusts me.

I take my pills and throw them up. I drink my liquor before the beer and throw them up.

I am just 14 when the picture and videos go up. Remind me that I have it easy, they were only pictures and videos.

I am just 17 when the recording of my proof stops before it happens, my phone memory is full, I’m called a liar and now I can’t see buttered crackers, thanksgiving, or sriracha sauce without wanting to kill myself.

No one gets me therapy, but they still want to convert me, she puts her hands down my pants, at least I’m 19, to remind me I’m a woman – tell me how they love trans men again.

I do a third line of ketamine off the table, realize it doesn’t effect me, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I call myself a dog, I start biting my lovers and I have to hold back from ripping out a chunk of flesh, I don’t think I’d throw it up.

I am reading the statistics, 40% of BPD patients try and kill themselves. 1 in 2 transgender men try and kill themselves. I’m one of them. I’m 12 and I swallowed all the pills. I’m 14 and the gun is empty. I’m 17 and I put the box-opener against my throat. Therapist calls me a liar, there is no scar, and my words don’t count for anything.

I’m using he/him pronouns for Stormé DeLarverie, like the stonewall veteran association said to, and telling you he started the riot, calling it stealing transfem valor from a woman who told you she didn’t fucking do it.

I’m shoving my fingers down my throat in a fit of mania, convinced I can vomit up my uterus. She tells me I should be grateful, she’d do anything to be able to get pregnant.

My brother in the struggle gets bottom surgery without top, calling it stealing transfem valor to feel comfortable in his body.

It’s 2024 and I’m at trans pride, the announcers tells everyone to give a round of applause for trans woman, a round of applause for gender-queers, a round of applause for transfems, a round of applause for the enbies, a round of applause for trans-masculine people. You forgot someone. Did you know a trans man started the first ever transgender pride parade?

A book on queer history talks about gay men and lesbians and trans women and the women who dressed as men for better job opportunities. I’m reminded that my invisibility is a privilege, if you aren’t seen you don’t get bashed.

I’m 13 and they throw me in the girls bathroom, pin me down, beat me, and in black sharpie write “dyke”, write “tranny”, write “lesbo”, and pull my hair out the cap I shoved it in.

I’m 19 with D cups that a binder can’t hide and a beard I refuse to shave less I break the mirror and kill myself with the shards of glass I would swallow.

Man at the bus stop calls me tranny and tells me I’ll never be a woman. I’d laugh if he didn’t have his hand on my throat. Calling it stealing transfem valor.

I’m 21 and have to pull a taser on him, cause from the back, even with short hair and top surgery, I look rape-able.

I’m 23 and in the gay district when they chase me down the street, calling me faggot.

Make another forcemasc post, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Read an article about a trans man prostitute that kills himself and ends up another female statistic.

Read an article about a trans man shooter, they blame the HRT he didn’t have access too.

Going to read a callout about me, five pages on Google Docs, does this post make it on the list?

Do a final line of ketamine, write the final line of a poem that makes me want to die, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I puke and miss the toilet.

[robertreich]

When the KKK Murdered My Childhood Friend 

When the Ku Klux Klan murdered my protector, it made me see the world differently.

I was always the shortest kid in school, which made me an easy target for bullies. To protect myself, I got into the habit of befriending older boys who’d watch my back.

One summer when I was around 8 years old I found Mickey, a kind and gentle teenager with a ready smile who made me feel safe.

Over the years, I lost track of Mickey. It wasn’t until the fall of 1964, my freshman year in college, that I heard what had happened to him.

Several months before, Mickey, whose full name was Michael Schwerner, had gone to Mississippi to register Black voters during what was known as “Freedom Summer.”

On June 21, Michael and two other civil rights workers, James Chaney and Andrew Goodman, were arrested near Philadelphia, Mississippi by Neshoba County Deputy Sheriff Cecil Ray Price, for allegedly speeding.

That night, after they paid their speeding ticket and left the jail, Deputy Price followed them, stopped them again, ordered them into his car, and took them down a deserted road where he turned them over to a group of his fellow Ku Klux Klan members. They were beaten, shot at point-blank range, and buried in an earthen dam. Their bodies weren’t found until August 4.

The state of Mississippi refused to bring charges against any of the Klan members. Eventually, the U.S. Justice Department brought federal charges against Price and 17 others.

An all-white jury found seven of the defendants guilty, including Price. Ultimately none would serve more than six years behind bars.

When the news reached me that Mickey, my childhood protector, had been murdered by white supremacists — by violent bullies who would stop at nothing to prevent Black people from exercising their right to vote — something snapped inside me.

I began to see everything differently.  Before then, I understood bullying as a few kids picking on me for being short. Now I saw bullying on a larger scale, all around me. In Black people bullied by whites. In workers bullied by bosses. In girls and women bullied by men. In the disabled or gay or poor or sick or immigrant bullied by employers, landlords, insurance companies, and politicians.

Sixty years after the Freedom Summer murders, America still wrestles with bullies — a rise in hate crimes targeting people of color, LGBTQ people, immigrants, Jews, and Muslims — new laws restricting the right to vote, banning books, and stripping Americans of reproductive freedoms — leaders who insult and demean people with disabilities, women, and trans kids.

We must never give in to cruelty and violence. It is incumbent on all of us to stand up to bullies and be each other’s protectors.

[drdemonprince]

I remember when civil unions for same-sex couples were legalized in 2016. I was only 17 at the time, and I was still dealing with a lot of stuff. Marriage was only a very far thought in the back of my mind, but still, I remember being so happy to hear that news. It was a new option for me, one that could also open up to the possibility of having a child someday, something I had never really considered possible before that time. It’s been several years now, and little to no progress has been made. I hate how slow this process is. And now we’re going backwards I’m still quite young, only 25, but I already know I would like to become a parent. It’s a difficult feeling to describe. I want to love another human being in the same way that my father and my mother have done with me. I want my boyfriend to become a dad and I want to be by his side throughout all of it. When I see my boyfriend playing with my one-year-old niece, I daydream about having a son or a daughter of our own. I want to see my parents love my child like they loved me. I want to see their smiles while they’re rocking my baby to sleep. I want to tear up at my son or daughter’s graduation. I want to be nervous about the person they’re bringing home for dinner. I want to fear for their safety. I want to trust them to make the right choices. I want to be sad about seeing them move to another city. I want to be proud of their accomplishments. I want to hope that they’ll be happy with the life they’ve chosen and that I’ve helped them build. I want to feel all of it.

A heartbreaking piece from Giulio Serafini on Italy's universal ban on surrogacy -- a policy that I'm embarrassed to admit I was not aware of until just now. Surrogacy was already banned within the country prior to this year, but this new policy now bars prospective parents from conceiving via surrogacy anywhere in the world and then bringing their children back. Between this and the country's complete ban on gay adoption, it's now impossible for same-sex couples to have children.

[steddiehyperfixation]

eddie munson has only ever been kissed in clubs, in crowds, under deafening music and flashing lights with more alcohol in his veins than blood. he knows what it's like to kiss rough and want carnally, to be pushed against walls and dragged into bathroom stalls.

but what is it like to kiss someone and have it mean something? what is it like to know someone's soul, or even just their name, before their lips, before their body?

what is it like to kiss someone and feel something? what is it like to have a kiss make your heart beat louder than the music and set off fireworks in your body brighter than the flashing lights?

that's something he's never known, something he's starting to believe he never will. maybe it's something he's not even capable of knowing.

he's loved before, never been loved in return. the men he's cared for, fallen for, in any real way were always ones who would never be able to care for him the same. the only men willing to kiss him are the ones who dance away at the end of the night and leave only faceless, nameless memories in his hazy mind.

until steve harrington. until a chance encounter in a gay club with a high school crush years after high school has ended.

it's the same old story: too-loud music and strobe lights; drunk and dancing closer, trading glances and smirks until hands land on waists and slide over hips and lips crash together and bodies collide. it's the same old story: kissing hard and wandering hands and grinding hips; eddie gets pressed back into the gross wall damp with the humid sweat of all the other bodies in the room.

but steve doesn't dance away at the end of it. he pulls away with a grin, keeping his fingers entangled with eddie's as he jumps and shouts along to the lyrics of the song that just came on. he dances with eddie innocently then, just for the fun of it, not like he's trying to get any more out of him.

and when he tugs on eddie's hand and drags him from the dance floor, it's not to a bathroom stall but to the bar where he buys eddie a drink and they talk. they catch up on all the years that have passed between them, trade stories and laughter and banter that reawaken eddie's old crush and set it aflutter in his stomach like he's 17 again.

eventually they return to the dance floor. ("i love this song!" steve gasps, eyes lighting up, and how could eddie refuse?). after a song or two, steve pulls eddie into another kiss, hands and lips softer than before, yet still just as passionate.

and the music is still deafening and the lights are still flashing, but this time, finally, eddie's heartbeat is louder, the fireworks brighter.

(ao3)

[steventhusiast]

hopefully i’ll write this at some point but IF NOT i need to get it out of my brain somehow

one of my favourite tropes is relationship reveal and outsider POV, so imagine this but not as shittily written:

17 year old will byers has gotten himself to a gay bar in indy, with joyce under the impression he’s off to visit eddie or steve for the weekend. he’s alone and nervous but wants to see people like him that are happy as themselves. the bouncer lets him in with a knowing raised eyebrow after will insists he’s 21, chuckling with a quiet ‘sure you are, kid. don’t cause any trouble’.

will’s overwhelmed when he first enters the bar, not used to seeing such openly feminine men, masculine women, and people shamelessly making out with each other. he hesitantly sits at a barstool and immediately the bartender is on him, arms crossed over her chest as she says ‘don’t even try to order alcohol. 7up or coca cola, kid?’

will gets a cola, and spends some time looking around the bar until he hears a familiar laugh and spots none other than eddie munson sat across from someone. he’s not the most surprised to see him there, but is definitely caught off guard. will didn’t expect to see anyone he knew there, but there eddie is, soft smile on his face as he talks to a man that will can’t see the face of.

will keeps watching for a few minutes, a smile making its way to his own face as he sees eddie flirt openly with the man. it’s nice to see someone he looks up to turn out like him, and seem happy as he is as well. he wants to figure out if it’s a boyfriend or just a guy eddie’s flirting with for fun, so he switches seats to be a little closer to eddie, just about able to hear what he’s saying.

they’re definitely boyfriends. will still can’t see the other guy’s face, but eddie has a firm hand on the guy’s waist and has glared at three separate men when they came over to talk to his boy.

and then, the mystery boy turns his head to kiss eddie gently on the lips, and will can finally see his face. involuntarily, his jaw drops a little because steve harrington is the one eddie’s with.

then he thinks about it for a second, about how steve and eddie coincidentally moved to indy at the same time, how close they had gotten after everything with vecna, how much time they hung out alone… maybe it shouldn’t have shocked him that much?

and then eddie takes his eyes off steve for maybe the first time since will got there, and his eyes land on will. will flushes bright red, doesn’t hear what eddie says to steve, but suddenly steve has spun around and is frowning at will the way he frowns as dustin when he’s about to lecture him.

‘william jacob byers. you have twenty seconds to explain to me why you’re at a gay bar in indianapolis, ALONE, before i go to the payphone outside and make a call to hopper. go.’

[asoftepiloguemylove]

I SWEAR I'D LOVE YOU IF I COULD

Mitski Once More to See You // Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee // 刻在你心底的名字 Your Name Engraved Herein (2020) dir. Patrick Kuang-Hui Liu // Richard Siken Crush // Danez Smith The 17-Year-Old & the Gay Bar // Nxdia She Likes a Boy // As You Are (2016) dir. Miles Joris-Peyrafitte // CA Conrad We Want It All: An Anthology of Radical Trans Poetics // Chappell Roan Pink Pony Club // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma

[oysters-aint-for-me]

my number one absolute favorite iasip headcanon, which is an old one and not my own (although i forgot who i originally heard it from), is that paddy’s never actually stopped being a gay bar after the pilot. the gang just never really noticed.

i don’t think headcanon holds up to intense scrutiny when you compare it to actual canon but my god can you imagine the possibilities. like imagine in season 17 the gang finds out those three old guys always hanging out in the background are actually a gay throuple and the gang is like “wow that’s crazy you guys have been hanging out for 17 years and you all just started dating?” and one of the three old queens are like “babes we’ve been gay the whole time, that’s why we started coming here, it’s the closest gay bar to our apartment” and the gang is like “wait when did you start coming here?!” and the first guy says “2005? we saw an ad in the news paper” and other guy points to the third guys and says “bryce here made the original glory hole for you guys” and bryce says “yeah and you never thanked me by the way”

[abbysbunny]

WHY NOT ME

--------------------------------------------------

part two

plot: you have a crush on your best friend but sadly she doesn't reciprocate

warnings: angst/no comfort, boring asf, bad writing, plus not proofread!!

word count: 1.2k

notes:hey fruity people, this took me a couple days because I'm soooo busy(listening to radiohead) if any of you sad little gays want a part two tell me and PLEASE give me plot ideas😛 and the title is a mitski lyric💯

--------------------------------------------------

ellie had been your best friend since you moved to Jackson, you were both just fourteen years old when you met. over time you slowly but surely development a crush on her, I mean, who wouldn't? she's a cocky but funny girl with great hair, of course as you started to develop feelings so did she, but not for you...

her first girlfriend was when she was 17 and her name was cat. hearing ellie talk and talk about her for hours was a real punch in the gut, no matter how many times you heard the same things over and over again it still hurt like hell. when they broke up you couldn't tell if you were happy or sad, I mean yeah she's single now, but now you have no reason why she doesn't like you, before you could tell yourself that she's only in love with her girlfriend, now she doesn't like anyone and you were no exception.

now she was at her second girlfriend, Dina, you adored but couldn't help your jealousy corrupt you. you wanted to like her so bad, you wanted to look at her and Ellie and be happy for them, but you couldn't, you just couldn't. you were supposed to go out with ellie, dina and jessie tonight, there was a dance or a party, you didn't even know and you didn't care, you just didn't want to go.

it was 7pm and you were supposed to leave at 7:30pm, of course as worrier you are you wanted to look perfect, so you had already been ready for an hour. when it finally came time to leave, you slipped on your shoes, grabbed your bag and left the comfort of your home. as you stepped outside you were immediately hit with the cold air spring and your arms got goose bumps.

reached the "gathering" you could smell alcohol and sweat and hear old country songs play, right then and there you almost considered leaving but you musterd up the courage to walk in, the minute you walked in ellie and jesse turned their heads towards the door, they smiled and indicated for you to come over, you walked over to them and sat down on a bar stool.

"hey guys!" you grinned and hugged them, you guys talked for a good ten minutes but when the conversation died down you looked over at the and saw that they were staring at the dance floor, why? you turned your head to look at what they were paying so much attention to and you saw Dina, dancing with some random guy, she looked beautiful, somehow in this overcrowded and loud bar she still stood out with her beauty.

when the song ended Dina came rushing over to you guys, you said hello to her before she stole ellie drink, she pulled her to dance and that's when you decided it would be better for you to look away. you continued talking with jesse while they danced, you snuck in a couple glances towards them every once and a while, lucky they never saw you, while jesse was talking with someone else you shifted your attention to them again, they were so in love and it hurt you so bad.

you had never actually seen them be together, you always tried to avoid that, if they invited you somewhere you usually would just make up some dumb excuse like you were sick or maria needed you for something, you just couldn't bring yourself to watch ellie be a couple with someone again. they leaned in a little closer and you could see ellie blush and chuckle, after a couple more seconds of chatter they finally kissed, you wanted to look away so bad, but you couldn't, it's like you wanted to hurt yourself.

after they shared that sweet kiss you quickly looked away and wiped a tear from your eye. you put your hand on Jesse shoulder to get his attention, he flinched before turned around, "hey what's up?" he questioned, you cleared your throat before speaking up, "I'm gonna rain check I'm really tired so I think I should get some rest" you put on your best fake smile, he nodded and said goodbye. you quickly rushed out of there.

walking home you couldn't stop thinking about how ellie didn't love you before and she doesn't love you now, you just couldn't understand why you couldn't get that through your head. opening your door was a struggle, do to not being able to see the key hole from the tears forming in your eyes.

when you finally opened the door you took of your shoes and laid down in bed, you sighed and closed your eyes hoping you could just disappear. you woke up to the sun peeking through your window, you sleepily grumbled and rubbed you eyes. you got up and got ready for the day taking your time, you thought you had nothing to do today, just a calm sunday, when suddenly you heard a knock at your door.

you opened the door and the warm air rushed in, it was ellie. 'not to be rude but are you doing here?' you awkwardly put your hand in your sweater pockets, 'oh uhm...yesterday you left really early and I wanted to check if your okay I guess...and you know we beraly see each other anymore' and she was right you've only been seeing each other about twice a month for a while. 'oh yeah I was just really tired last night and uhm I guess I just wanted to go home' ellie nodded, 'can I come in and maybe we can...talk?', you really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, especially not her.

but I mean you couldn't say no...? 'oh yeah sure' you moved from the door and she stepped inside closing it behind her, 'you got a new lamp' ellie pointed to the tall lamp in the corner of your living room that you found on patrol, 'yeah it needed more light in here' you awkwardly chuckled, you both sat down on your couch before ellie spoke, 'what happened to us?' she questioned, you turned you head around and tried to blink tears away, 'i don't know' you lied.

'i mean we used to hang out and tell each other everything, I feel like I don't even talk to you anymore' you sighed and put your knees to your chest, 'i know and I'm sorry' your voice cracked mid sentence, 'did I so something wrong?' she whispered, you thought maybe it was time to actually tell her, you lifted your head from between your knees and looked into her eyes, 'no you didn't, it's just I've always had these...feelings for you and they won't go away, so I guess watching you be with someone else is hard but uhm...talking to you is somehow worse...'

to say the least ellie was shocked at your confession, I mean her best friend was in love with her? and somehow she didn't realize, 'oh' with her mind racing a hundred miles per hour that's all she could say, 'yeah I know' you whispered, ellie thought about what to say before blurring out a quick 'I'm sorry' before getting up and rushing out the door, you watched her leave and sat there with tears streaming down your face. honestly you didn't know if you and ellie would ever be as close again.

[evansboyfrend]

Tommy Kinard HC:

He was born in Boston, MA.

He's a Jr. -- Thomas (Scott?) Kinard Jr. He doesn't tell anyone this.

He was baptized Catholic at his mother's insistence, but never attended mass at his father's (Lutheran) insistence.

He's a military brat.

He's a middle child.

His family moved to California when he was 7 years old when his father was stationed at Fort Irwin.

The family later moves to Kansas when his father is stationed at Fort Riley.

His parents got divorced when Tommy was 17.

He joined the US armed forces in 1997 at the age of 17. He wanted out of the house and was following his father's dream for him (he had parental consent).

His mother moves to California with his younger sister. Tommy's older sister still lives in Kansas. Tommy's father always hated California, often calling it a "socialist shit hole." He also lives in Kansas.

Tommy is (first) stationed in Fort Cavazos, Texas.

His first sexual encounter with a man was a student about his age who was attending Texas A&M University. They met at a bar, hooked up, and promptly never saw each other again. Tommy spent a month after the encounter worried that someone on base might know.

He left the army in 2003 and moved to Orange County, California, where his mother and younger sister (now 17) lived.

He joined the fire academy near-immediately and started his probation year in 2004.

Sal was not immediately his friend. Tommy was polite and (seemingly) straitlaced, while Sal was a loud firebrand. They didn't really mesh, plus Sal was a hardass who tended to be passive-aggressive.

Around 2005, his mother eventually moved back to Boston, MA, to care for her ailing mother. His younger sister had already left for college in Colorado. He is the only member of his family to still live in California.

Tommy tries to date a woman around this time (2005). They last about a month. She was very nice-- even offered to cook the firehouse dinner-- but that was it. She was nice, and Tommy felt like an asshole because he didn't feel any spark.

After his breakup, Tommy finds himself all the way in Long Beach, CA, tugging on a thread that came loose back in Texas years ago. He lets a man fuck him for the first time that night.

Gerrard leaves around 2011. Around this time, Hen starts joining him, Chim, and Sal for drinks after work.

Tommy has paid for sex with a male sex worker.

I feel Tommy deserves a "fuck around and find out era" where he has a hot, toxic mlm relationship with none other than Sal. The two of them have a fling around 2013 to start "blowing off steam." It starts with a blowjob that rocks Tommy's world. Toward the end, they have several consequential arguments. Sal doesn't think of himself as queer ("this is what guys like us do") or think of his fling with Tommy as a manifestation of his sexuality ("just blowing off steam"), but he doesn't give a shit what others have to say and idealizes having someone infatuated with him, and other's knowing about that (he definitely struggles with jealousy). Tommy, on the other hand, knows he's gay but isn't ready to come out because he is intensely concerned with what others might have to say. Tommy also wants a relationship with a healthier give and take and doesn't want to announce anything when the man he's with doesn't even consider what they're doing as a relationship. At this time, part of Tommy believed he didn't "deserve" something happy and feared pursuing something romantic with a man. Around the time Sal puts in to become Captain, their relationship had all but fallen away. Sal had become passive-aggressive again and increasingly reckless on the job, bordering on self-destructive. By the time he looks toward Tommy to follow him in protest of Bobby, he realizes that Tommy had long since stopped following him.

Tommy left the 118 around 2015, about a year after Bobby took his position as Captain. (Buck begins around 2016.)

In his late 20s, Tommy once accidentally slept with a married man. He got off a shift at the 118 and went out looking for a guy to fuck around with. He hooked up with an older man and had a very… mediocre night. A couple weeks later, he returned to the same place and hooked up with a younger guy. On his way out early the next morning, Tommy noticed a family picture in the man's front hall. He'd fucked the kid's father just a couple weeks earlier. Tommy stopped going to that establishment. He actually swore off hookups altogether after that.

Tommy loves crossword puzzles.

Tommy wears reading glasses.

Tommy is out to his family. His father was and still is less than supportive, his mother was disappointed but came around, and his younger sister was always happy for him.

The only family Tommy sees semi-annually is his younger sister. She's now married and has two elementary-aged sons.

Tommy has a pet dog.

Tommy hates marshmallows.

hold on. im copy pasting ur strikethrough bullet point into a fucking google doc so i can read it. smh.

ok loving the saltommy bits. good shit. moment of silence for sal deluca and his internalised homophobia. and another one for his "heterosexuality" lmao. rip. amen.

AND THE HOOKING UP W A GUY AND THEN HIS KID. LMAO. sorry but this sort of "accidentally slept with someone and then their parent not knowing theyre related" is always funny to me. oh tommy.

AND SPECIAL THANKS FOR PUTTING TIMESTAMPS ON YOUR HCS! im writing this pre-s1 (chronologically) fic now and i always forget what year people started (or left) the 118. not that its super important, but i was literally just thinking "were smartphones a thing back then? and when *is* "back then"?" so. yeah. im not gonna check the fandom wiki, just gonna go with your dates bestie, mwah

I LOVE ALL OF THIS <3 thank you for gracing my inbox with your presence <3

[darknessdrops]

i look to christ, i look to every mouth on the dance floor, i order a whiskey coke, name it the blood of my new savior. he is just. he begs me to dance, to marvel men with the dash of hips i brought, he deems my mouth in some stranger’s mouth necessary. bless that man’s mouth, the song we sway sloppy to, the beat, the bridge, the length of his hand on my thigh & back & i know not which country i am of.

(Danez Smith: The 17 Year Old and the Gay Bar)

[jenlrossman]

Darts as a metaphor for gay sex between Miles O'Brien and Julian Bashir

Yes, I'm serious. Bear with me.

Miles and Julian first play darts in season three, episode 16, "Prophet Margin."

They are playing darts because Julian was getting tired of racquetball—since Miles's wife has been away, they have played 106 games of racquetball. ("Rivals," the episode where we first see them play racquetball, make a strong case for that being a sexual metaphor as well. So basically Keiko is gone and Miles has been… "Playing with Julian" a lot 👀)

There's some good natured mockery/flirting, and Julian ends up throwing off Miles's concentration by mentioning his wife.

In the next episode, season three episode 17, "Visionary," Miles convinces Quark to put a dartboard in his bar. Quark argues that no one has ever come in asking for a dartboard, but Miles assures him people will.

To me, this reads like trying to convince someone that marketing specifically to queer people is important even if no queer people have ever complained about not being marketed to.

Miles and Julian play darts twice during this episode as well, but nothing particularly gay happens (outside of them being gay for each other in general).

Season three, episode 24, "Shakaar," has Miles playing darts with various guys on the station until he ruins his shoulder and needs to have Julian perform surgery to repair it.

Well that's what you get for playing with people who aren't your boyfriend. It's called karma.

In the fourth season premiere, "The Way Of The Warrior," Miles and Julian invite our old buddy Worf to play with them.

He throws a dart, and it goes extremely deep into the board.

The boys look intimidated. And rightfully so. As Jadzia will later (happily) learn, sex with a Klingon is anything but gentle.

(I wish he had thrown two darts, wink wink.)

Keiko returns in "Ascension," season four, episode 17, thereby ending Miles's "year as a bachelor," as Julian calls it.

Miles spends more time with his family, even trying to teach his daughter to play darts (in this context, darts with Molly does not represent sex, it just represents him trying to be a good father and husband and not having sex with his boyfriend). But he is clearly missing Julian; look at the way he longingly gazes at the outfit they wore together:

Julian has also been unsuccessfully playing darts with other people, and he and Miles lament that it just isn’t the same without each other. Eventually, Keiko arranges for them to spend extra time with each other because Miles is so depressed.

Season five, episode 16, "Dr. Bashir, I Presume?" reveals that Julian is augmented and has exceptional strength and hand eye coordination, among other things. This makes Miles realize Julian has been letting him win at darts all this time.

He is understandably upset that his boyfriend has been… uhhh… "faking it" 👀 and makes him play from 3 feet back to level the playing field (Miles metaphorically using marital aids).

He also suggests Julian play blindfolded. 👀

The next, and last, significant time they play darts is in season seven, episode 23, "Extreme Measures."

This is the episode in which Miles and Julian go through a harrowing ordeal which forces them to finally acknowledge that they love their significant others, but they like each other more.

At the end of the episode, the boys are playing darts in the bar. They are drinking. Miles is struggling with his sexuality at the realization of how close he and Julian are.

He says he needs to go home to Keiko. This is the conversation they have, word for word:

"She's a hell of a woman."

"That's why you love her."

"Mmm. That's right. That's why I love her."

There is no eye contact. It is awkward as hell. Is very obviously Not About Keiko, but rather Miles's last ditch attempt to avoid admitting that he would rather be with Julian right now.

So he leaves. Julian is alone, sad.

Then Miles pops back into frame. He has reconsidered. "Do you want to come?"

They leave the bar together, but not before Julian throws one last dart.

It's a bull's-eye. He scores, and, if you believe my metaphor, it won't be the first time he scores that night.

[llovelymoonn]

Can you do a weaving about Love as religion and seeing your lover as a face of god and any poetry about love with religious undertones. <3

andre dubus broken vessels: essays \\ salley rooney normal people (via @selkielore) \\ richard siken crush: “litany in which certain things are crossed out” \\ tosca ho amato tutto (via @araekni) \\ hozier take me to church \\ danez smith the 17-year-old & the gay bar \\ zolita holy \\ wilfred owen maundy thursday \\ zolita holy

kofi

[springsteenicious]

This is how Macdennis gets together in season 17. no, it's just a drabble I wrote about them getting together and Mac being super pumped about it. might be slightly OOC I'm still getting used to writing these characters

____

"Okay, try this one," Charlie said, offering two cups of a suspiciously cloudy green beverage to Dee and Frank. 

Dee sniffed the drink. "This smells like vinegar, Charlie, what's in this?"

"That smell would be the vinegar, yeah. Then there's milk and absinthe." 

Dee scowled and put the drink down. Frank shrugged and knocked it back in one go. He made a face afterwards. "Woah! That's intense!" 

Charlie grinned and nodded. "Yeah, that's what I was going for." He looked around the bar. "Where's Dennis? I want him to try it." 

Dee looked around as well. "Yeah, and where's Mac?" 

Suddenly, the door to the back office flew open. Mac burst out, a huge grin on his face. "YES! It finally happened! This is the best day of my life! FUCK YEAH!" He ran behind the bar and hugged Charlie tightly, lifting him off the ground a little. 

"What's happening?" Charlie asked as Dennis came out of the back office as well. 

Dennis sat down calmly next to Dee. "I kissed him." 

"Dennis kissed me!" Mac shouted. 

"Fucking finally," Dee grumbled. "What made you snap?" 

Dennis shrugged. "I'm old as shit, I don't want to keep avoiding it." 

"That's awesome, guys. Mostly for Mac," Charlie said, patting Mac's back since they were still hugging. 

"It's the most awesome thing ever," Mac said. 

Charlie finally peeled away from the hug and pushed Dee's neglected glass towards Dennis. "Try this drink I made." 

"It's vinegar, milk, and absinthe," Dee said. 

Dennis frowned. "No. That's disgusting, Charlie." 

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Fine. Mac?" 

Mac moved his hand to pick up the glass, but Dennis gave him a look. "If you drink that, I'm not kissing you again for at least a week." 

"You're gonna kiss me again?" Mac asked, grinning and moving away from the drink. 

"What? Yeah. Why wouldn't I- Whatever. Don't drink that shit." 

"So are you two, like, boyfriends now?" Frank asked. 

"Are we?" Mac asked Dennis. 

"Sure." 

Mac pumped his fist several times, chanting, "Yes, yes, yes!" 

"You're such a loser," Dennis said. When Mac's celebration turned to pouting, Dennis amended, "It's cute, though." Mac beamed and pumped his fist again. 

"This is seriously the greatest thing to ever happen to me," Mac said. 

"Since when do you like men, Dennis?" Frank asked. 

"Since always," Dennis said. 

"What? No way," Mac said. 

"Yes way. I experimented in college and I've been banging guys ever since. I just never told anyone." 

"I don't believe you," Mac said. "Why wouldn't you tell us?" 

Dennis gives him a look. "You were always banging extension cords together and talking about how the gays are going to hell, why would I tell you that I liked men?" 

"Oh. Sorry. Why didn't you say anything after I came out, though?" 

"You were way too clingy and I didn't want to be with you just yet." Dennis shook his head. "It doesn't matter. We all know now, we're together, it's fine." 

Mac giggled. "We're together." 

"I think you broke Mac, dude," Charlie said. 

"I've just been waiting for this moment for so long I can't believe it's actually happening," Mac said. "Thirty years is such a long time to wait." 

"I know," Dennis said. 

"You can't complain! You're the reason we waited thirty years!" Mac said. 

"I am not! If you were more comfortable with your sexuality we would have been together in our twenties!" Dennis said. 

Mac sighed. "Okay, fine. But you're definitely the reason we didn't get together when I came out!" 

"Sure, whatever." 

Mac smiled and turned to the rest of the gang. "Okay, next matter of business: How soon is too soon to say I love him?" 

"I'm right here, dipshit," Dennis said. 

"Five minutes is definitely too soon," Dee said. 

Charlie shrugged. "I don't know. You've been saying you love him since we were, like, twenty-eight." 

"But that was in a friend way," Mac said. 

"You can say it whenever, just don't expect me to say it back," Dennis said. 

"You don't love me?" Mac asked, a pitiful look befalling his face. 

"Yeah, I do, but I'm not saying it," Dennis said. 

Mac's mouth dropped open in a silent scream. Then he turned and grabbed Charlie by the shoulders. "Is this real? You heard that? I'm not dreaming?" 

"It's real, dude, chill out," Charlie said. 

"I just can't believe Dennis actually loves me back." Mac let go of Charlie and turned back to Dennis. "I love you." 

Dennis smiled a little. "I know." Mac leaned across the bar and kissed Dennis. Dennis moved his hands to cup Mac's face, keeping him in the kiss. 

"Boo! We don't wanna watch you two faggots making out all the time," Frank said. 

They broke apart. "We got together literally five minutes ago, let us have this," Mac said. 

"Actually, Mac, I think we should go home," Dennis said. "We should celebrate our new relationship properly without these idiots around." 

"You're so right, Dennis." Mac came back around the bar as Dennis stood from his seat. Then Mac easily picked Dennis up bridal-style, making Dennis shout in surprise. "See you losers tomorrow." With that, Mac carried Dennis out of the bar.

"Good for them," Charlie said. "Now, I'm gonna have those guys try my drink." He set up another round of vinegar milk drinks to bring to the old guys in one of the booths.