#thats what im callin her

[spaceistheplaceart]

when the trailer for HL2VRAI first came out ppl were hoping for Mira to play alyx and while i dont really care who plays her, ive always wanted to animate something for the idea :)

Audio Source

ID UNDER CUT

BEGIN ID:

A black and white sketchy animatic.

Gordon looks down apologetically.

Gordon: "I-I dunno. I'll like, do something to make that up to y'all. Like, in real life-"

He looks up and smiles nervously.

Alyx shoves him. She has a bandana across her forehead, fingerless gloves, a short vest, and a ripped sleeveless hoodie. She grins deviously at him and pokes his chest.

Alyx: "Give me that flashlight! Drop it! Right now!"

She tries to yank the front panel off the HEV suit, shown through her vibrating rapidly as he fingers are curled under the plating. Benrey comes in from the left and puts a hand on Gordon's shoulder, staring at him. Benrey does not have a helmet and his shadow/hair covers half his head. He is wearing a jumpsuit and has a sparse mustache.

Benrey: "Yeah, give me everything you have.

Gordon bursts out laughing, causing Alyx and Benrey to fall back. Alyx grips the ladder next to them for balance. The camera zooms out to show they are in an alleyway with posters on the walls, the ladder, and a dumpster. Bubby is sitting on the dumpster.

Gordon puts his gun arm over his face like a facepalm and hands Benrey his crowbar.

Gordon: "Yes, sir!"

Gordon gives Alyx a pistol, which is shown through him 'holding' it out with his gun arm and a menu above them that shows his arsenal. He gives her the pistol, then a grenade.

Gordon: "Yes, sir!"

The grenade drops and explodes, resulting in an ear ringing sound effect. Bubby has his hands over his face and exclaims in pain. Coomer pokes his head out of the dumpster.

Gordon puts his head against the wall, bracing himself against it as Alyx laughs. Benrey is rubbing his eyes. There is an explosion mark between Alyx and Gordon, where the grenade dropped.

Cut to a little later. Alyx shoves Gordon to the ground.

Alyx: "Jump him! You got any change in your pockets?"

She looms over him then leans down, grinning and tauntingly cocking her head.

Alyx: "CHUMP? BITCH?"

An image of Pepe the Frog on the floor of a McDonalds, all his food spilled out pathetically with his eyes tearing up is shown- but edited so that it's wearing glasses and the HEV suit to resemble Gordon.

Gordon: "No-"

The Pepe image is gone, replaced with a drawing of Gordon on the ground, looking up as Alyx and Benrey's shadows come into view. His mouth is wobbly and he's got big wet pathetic eyes.

Alyx kicks Gordon while he lays down, Benrey smacks him with the crowbar. Laughing and hitting sound effects are heard.

The screen goes black for a second.

Alyx points forward, yelling with her hand on her hip.

Alyx: "HEY, GOON!"

It's shown that Alyx is speaking to Gordon, who has his arms dangling in front of him and looking up at Alyx wimpily. They are in a junkyard. Alyx jabs her thumb to the right.

Alyx: "Go find me some scrap!"

Gordon sulks off.

Gordon: "Yes, ma'am."

Alyx crosses her arms with a smug smile as Coomer laughs in the background.

END ID

[stonerzelda]

hi i showed ur hamster to my partner on call the other night i was telling him how i really love how utterly enamored u are with that beast . anyways we are ur hamsters second biggest fans (after u)

GADGSYDIFIFU CAN NOT DESCRIBE HOW . LIKE IDK HOW ELSE 2 DESCEIBE BUT HAPPY/HONORED/TOCUHED THIS MADE ME ....my main goal. Is for Paesh to blow up. And then act like i dont know nobody. NEW PAESH CONTENT UNLOCKED 🔓 🏆

[goldfades]

✮ 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐬, zegras' have more fun

♡ ─ summary | media day pictures (NOT MINE AND IT'S NOT THE FC) and something makes the jack stans go crazy

♡ ─ warnings | light-hearted flirting/arguing, brief mention of hate crimes (ITS A JOKE THOUGH), hughes bros being dumb (not trev for once LMAO)

♡ ─ taglist | tbd

♡ ─ ev's notes | this lowkey eats I MISSED THIS AU

back to navigation back to AU masterlist

stasszegras ann arbor, michigan

Liked by trevorzegras, lhughes_06, jackhughes and 9,935 more

stasszegras | media day pics, first (official) fnl + WENT LOWKEY VIRAL ON TIKTOK???? tagged: pchandler68, umichfootball, lucafantilli september 23th, 2022

View all 1,008 comments

briesbagels | my favorite tiktok influencer 🤭

↳ stasszegras stop it. 😐

↳ briesbagels 3 million views on a tiktok IS CRAZYYY

↳ stasszegras it's only cus luke was in the video

↳ lhughes_06 clout chaser 😝

briesbagels | LAST PIC OF LUCA IS HORRENDOUS PLS STASS 😫😫

↳ lucafantilli ok this one hurts brie, i thought u were on my side

↳ briesbagels its either u or stass (im choosing my girl)

↳ stasszegras 🤭😏😍

↳ pchandler68 hmmmmm 😏😏

↳ adamfantilli 🥸🥸

↳ stasszegras what's goin on here.... 😥

umichwsoccer | THATS OUR GIRL! 🫡〽️

↳ stasszegras 🤞🏼🤞🏼

jackhughes | wowww okay stassie.. 🤞🏼🤩 woo 😮‍💨😮‍💨

↳ trevorzegras 😟😟 oh no

↳ lhughes_06 since when we callin her stassie????

↳ jackhughes WE?? get ur own nickname lukey 😑😑

↳ stasszegras k y'all let's just stick to stass or little zegras 😶

↳ trevorzegras @/griffinzegras

↳ griffinzegras bffr right now 📸📸📸 aren't you like 30 jack??

↳ jackhughes actually i'm 21 so calm the FUCKK down... and i was just being nice and friendly griff come on now

↳ briesbagels and thats why we wear sunscreen kids 🥴

↳ griffinzegras yea maybe a little too friendly..

↳ stasszegras guys im gonna disable my comments if u keep arguing like 12 year olds

↳ trevorzegras mhm yeah and thats the ONLY REASON why you would wanna disable the comments

lucafantilli | last pic should be considered a hate crime bro how'd u even get that

↳ stasszegras don't ask stupid questions like that luca

↳ adamfantilli 🥸🥸

↳ lucafantilli MY OWN BROTHER?!?!?!

↳ lhughes_06 i guess we are all getting betrayed by our flesh and blood rn 😪

↳ jackhughes be so fr rn lukey

↳ trevorzegras agreed luke

↳ jackhughes 😑😑

↳ pchandler68 interesting.. 📸

quinnhughes | you ate little zegras 🫡

↳ stasszegras thanks quinner 🫶🏼

↳ trevorzegras YEA this is really being friendly @/jackhughes

↳ jackhughes bro. let this go.

↳ quinnhughes leave me the fuck outta this guys, please 😁

lhughes_06 | gonna win us a jr world cup zegras ✊🏼

↳ stasszegras YESSS SIR 🫡🫡〽️〽️ but thats not how it works buddy

↳ lhughes_06 there's no jr world cup????

↳ jackhughes messi is rolling in his grave rn

↳ stasszegras messi is alive????

↳ briesbagels no way bro 😭😭

↳ quinnhughes LMAO PLEASE 😭

pchandler68 | LUCA LOL PLEASE HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

↳ lucafantilli count your days chandler

↳ pchandler68 wait no luca im sorry

↳ lucafantilli its ur fault u introduced me and stass and NOW LOOK. all the hoes are gone

↳ stasszegras 😑😑😑

↳ adamfantilli not all of them.....🥯🥯🥯

↳ lucafantilli shut up adam.

↳ pchandler68 wait what??...

adamfantilli future manager AND she plays for our soccer team?? it's perfect 🤞🏼🤞🏼

↳ stasszegras hahaahaha no.

↳ nolan_moyle STASS PLEASE

↳ stasszegras stop harassing me nolan

jhughesnews

Liked by njdevilfan09, briesbagels, zegrasluvr898 and 4,509 more

jhughesnews | jack hughes and anastasia zegras are reportedly going out after he comments a suggestive comment on her most recent post. thoughts???

View all 2,190 comments

fan01 | WHAT?? NO WAY????? WHO WAS GOING TO TELL ME

fan02 | guys they are just friends, if u guys look at her other posts he makes those kinda jokes all the time

↳ fan03 nah bro did u see trevor and griffin's comments? they obviously know something we don't

↳ fan02 yeah but that's their humor

fan04 | good 😭😭😭 for😭😭😭 them 😭😭😭

fan05 | didn't she go out with luke too 😐

↳ fan06 damn she wants the whole crew

↳ fan07 who can blame her tho??? have u seen them 🤭🤭

↳ fan08 no she didn't lmao, those were also JUST rumors and it's obvious they're just friends

fan09 | guys stop it, these are baseless rumors and REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS TO TAYLOR ALL THE TIME, stass is great just by herself 🫶🏼

↳ fan10 all right girl..

↳ fan11 its giving "coach is right guys... 😣"

↳ fan12 im crying BYEEE PLEASE 😭😭😭😭

-> make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated! <-

thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[thatdeadaquarius]

*casually slides into asks*

The Creator having to be taught the language of Teyvat, except they don't realise that each country has their own seperate language and so they are just mixing and matching phrases from each of the languages and no one has any idea what they are saying

*slides back out of asks*

Hello hello my regular customer 💃

Before u slide out, have a cookie for the road! 🤲🍪

Ok but this would actually happen to me

Im partial to the headcanon that theres a trade language in Teyvat, but each country has their own native language, w/sub-dialects too (i think thats the word?)

Just like what u said basically, bc like what if they dont have the trade one 💀 it rlly is just diff languages and im just over here like 😃🗨👋

(Gif is u in the center trying to talk to other people on the sides lol)

Srry if uncreative or kinda a flop i am not a fountain of ideas as much as i wish to be😔🙏

This may be only funny to me...

But i did my bestest for you beloved regular <3

Also u didnt ask for this but u got it anyway LMAO <3

(sorry if i accidentally start callin u xiao pfp i couldnt find a name to call u by)

Ok but like?? Was anybody gonna tell you???

Or like r u so incomprehensible now bc youve mashed all their lingos together that they dont even recognize any of their languages anymore 😭😭???

Yall ever heard that meme sound that has like music playing in the background and its just a loop of a guy saying "..HuH?..HuH?...HuH?"

^^^Everyone else trying to understand you

..

...

.....?

WAIT A MINUTE ?!%

OH GOD OH NO PLEASEEDA@!?

I HAD THE WORST THOUGHTTT!!!!

DO U JUST SOUND LIKE A SIM TO THEM??!!!

😰😰😰😰🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲💀💀💀

CRYINGSOBBING

I CANNOT ESCAPE THIS INTRUSIVE THOUGHT PLEASE NOOOOO JDIOOALLFJSLAFQ

IM ACTUALLY LAUGHING ANDBCRINGING PLEASE -> GOD WALKS AROUND SOUNDING LIKE A SIM TO THE REST OF TEYVAT STOP

♧

Ok but so many people r trying so hard to teach u their language more fully so u can commit to one at least

(Off the top of head, Thoma, Tighnari but if u keep mixing them more and more even on accident he gets too frustrated and accepts it lmao, Amber, Ningguang she wants ur first teyvat lang. to be Liyuean so bad, Kazuha just wants to genuinely understand u and you understand them aw what a sweetheart, Ei once again a person who wants u to learn Inazuman first lol, Zhongli, Jean, Ganyu, Alhaitham but he'd be a terrible teacher i can see it now, Ayato, Ayaka, Gorou, Yae Miko just so u can actually read her novels abt you + have bragging right lol)

..

...Its not really working

Which makes sense tbh, at least to me, bc i sure as fuck couldnt initially hear a big difference between Portugese v. Spanish, Korean v. Japanese etc.

Until i like, kept hearing it over and over and finally got it

(it was easier to differentiate between them on paper than auditorily?? auditorally?!? aUDITORIALLY??!! GODAMMIT IS THAT EVEN A WORD)

.

But I could totally see their languages just all sounding really similar to you, or like, theres some bits and pieces from each lang. that mimic others (pantalones Spanish = pants English for example, and its like all u catch are the "pant" sound so ur like?? Ok so same language right? Hence the mix and match)

♤

So this happens on the daily these days,

U r still going and seeing people,

But nobody has managed to communicate to you that its all different languages lol 🤭

Like this below, happens all the time ⬇️

.

Ur having dinner w/ Kamisato clan bc ofc they wanna welcome u!! :D

And Thoma's there, and yall r at the Teahouse, Thoma just got out the hotpot (oh god🤢 ...wait is that you now, r u just like Venti saying oh Barbatos...?)

And they just started dinner but its already a problem w/ur ass LMAO

.

Thoma: "What do you want to drink Our God?"

You: "Ahfs kal aldsplease give me ahdhai?"

Thomas face just like "...😶🙁 oh no" HAHA

Ayaka trying to help him,

"Please repeat that Your Grace?" 😅

You, again lol: "I would dhkaied that aifjwe please :)"

U sound like a SIMMM TO THEMM 😭😭

.

Utter fail poor Ayaka is at a loss for once,

they're trying so hard to be polite and you havent even gotten a drink yet let alone the meal lmao,

Poor Thoma is struggling, hes just like,

"Um, uh, this one??" All worried bc now hes gotta point to the pitchers one by one until u either point or nod

AND THE REST OF THE DINNER IS JUST THAT SITUATION OVER AND OVER

U give up and just start nodding or pointing for food or napkins or drinks all like, "Oh wow my accent must be heavy today 😀🤷‍♂️"

Absolutely clueless, and they cant even figure out how to tell u lol

...

Oh god i dont wanna think about the chaos if ur also only understanding the basics of every language so not only do they not get all ur words, u dont get theirs 💀

Reminder :D = I have a ✨️poll for 100 follower celebration!✨️Yall get to choose what u wanna see me write about,✨️ Check it out!! :) ♡✨️

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds:

@karmawonders

(Feel free to tell me if u ever dont wanna be tagged anymore i wont be mad/offended :] !! )

[eyesxxyou]

yup

im a goner

SCISSORINGWITH MILF HOBIE

but a tiny twist

..DRY HUMPING EDITION!!! :D

both of you still have your underwear on, a wet patch coating the fabric against the crotch area

her legs are crossed over with yours, one of her hands keeping you steady while the other hand is placed behind her for support

wait but lil twist

inexperienced!gn!loser!reader :D

callin you lil pet names while she guides you through it

you’re not exactly sure what direction— up and down, down and up —but she says you’re doing amazing so thats gotta mean sumn

the friction of the cotton of your briefs hitting that one spot just right

UGH i need to scissor with milf!hobie right NOW.

🥀

I SWEAR I'LL WRITE IT ONE OF THESE DAYS

[sagemoderocklee]

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🍄 🍬 ❄️ 🏜️ 🦴

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

got a lot of headcanon asks today in my inbox lol... uh for this ill go with my headcanon about Tenten not being without family since ive got two asks for that levels thing i reblogged earlier to answer

so my hc and how i usually approach Tenten is that she comes from a weapon smithing clan. Her clan originally came from Dragon Kingdom, but like... so, so long ago. like a thousand years ago. they were originally trading in what is now Fire, and eventually some started to settle instead of going back to Dragon Kingdom. They established themselves as blacksmiths and as times changed, became weapon makers almost exclusively. Her clan still makes other things besides weapons, but they specialize in weapon making.

Tenten lives with her grandmother since her parents died during Obito's assault on Konoha with the kyuubi. Tenten's clan lives in the industrial district of Konoha, and Neji (who is alive thank you) moves there after he and Tenten have been dating for a bit.

Tenten, of course, prioritizes fighting with weapons, but she also is a good smith herself, and does a lot of unique work with weapons.

I gave Tenten's clan a name, of course, so her family/clan name is Nie, which means 'pattern of a sword blade'.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

drawing a blank beyond all my usual things like gaara being obsessed with naruto being stupid or like the way ppl generally approach Gaara is ableist and disregards his history prior to Yashamaru tryna kill him or lee not being anbu/akatsuki/hokage etc and also ppl making lee sexy is stupid like he's weird looking and thats fine and i think his weird looks are charming and cute... all of which ive talked about before

um i guess ill say that sakura being self-centered is actually a really important and interesting character trait. it doesn't make her an awful, irredeemable character, it's just a character flaw and i think ppl who love her tend to ignore that about her because the people who absolutely hate her are always callin her a bitch etc. like i love sakura but she can be a bitch and i think that's interesting and okay and like if you really like a character you can lean into their flaws without that being like a condemnation of the character. she doesn't have to be like sunshine and daisies to be a good character

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

the dream theme/plot for a fic is one i'd probably just write myself. not like for any reason other than if i have an idea i usually wanna execute it myself, and at this point a lot of my ideas exist within the worldbuilding ive done and not that other ppl dont or cant but my interest are always gonna lean more into the political spectrum of storytelling and i think that's generally my niche and not as many ppl write those stories.

i think if there was absolutely something i didnt wanna write id honestly probably not wanna read it either, so im always like shit at answer these kinda questions cause once i have an idea im like 'ok ill write that someday'

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

always gonna love long comments that talk about the themes of the story, that bring up things the reader thinks is foreshadowing, direct lines from the fic, and so on. i like when ppl are like rlly analyzing what ive written and telling me their thoughts and what they think is gonna happen. i think by far my fave thing is ppl tryna guess what's coming and seeing how close or how far off they are, and when ppl do pick up on foreshadowing that is just... chef's kiss.

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?

i find inspiration in a lot of things and it rlly is gonna depend on what im writing at the time. sometimes i get inspired by music (a lot of my gaalee fics were originally inspired by Florence+the Machine song for instance), sometimes it's like a poem or a book, or a tv show, but it rlly is always gonna depend on what im writing.

but my perspective is that art begets art. art is always in a state of inspiring more art, whether its the originating artist being inspired by their own work or another being inspired by their work, i think art is at its core always birthing more art.

with fic i dont think i could pinpoint one single thing that's inspiring me at any given moment, but i am often being inspired by other things whether it's music or just like an article about something.

[goldenimpact]

hELLO IS ANYONE OUT THERE????

OKAY HI hELLO  FIRST OFF I HOPE EVERYONE IS WELL NOW

THAT THE EVIL WHATEVER I AM HAS FALLEN AND GCANT GET UP COMMERCIAL

SOMETHIN SEOMTHIGN DID IT HURT WHEN YOU FELL FROM HEAVEN THE ANSWER IS YES I GOT SHOVES TO THE FLOOR RECENTLY AND THIS FUCKIN BRUISE ISNT FADING FUNNNY HAHA OK PLEASENTRIRSSE ARE DONE

UH IM CATHERINE, MOD-SAN, GOLD, whatever they're callin me nowadays holy shit dude my hands are shakin like crazy

they've had me literally cleaning house PRETTY MUCH AS SOON AS I RECOVERED all work no play makes jack a dull boy thats me IM jack damn it i can't tell if i've eveolved into  a live-in housekeeper or some sort of roomaate and the paymetnt si s that i get to keep my lifeand also i REALLY need to move my keyboard over or get the window to leave the screen cause i can't blind type it just ain't happenin my leg's jitterering like hell BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT PART IS IM ALIVE YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO but i have absolutely NO CLUE how ;long THAS gonna last BBUT the great news is that ive finally been able to sit at my dangf computer and and actual;ly TYOOUCH ANFD LOOK AT IT ive practically been buried in all the freezers BUT ANYWAYS GOD MY HANDSA THEY STING SO FUCKING IABAD D ALKl ANYWAYS IM ALIVE IM STILL HERE IM TRYING?????????? TO GET BACK BUT EVERYONE HERE IS UHH NOT GOOD TO PUT IT LIGHTLY ITS TERRIFYIN OVER HERE BUT IM SENDING MY WELL WISHES THAT EVERYONE IS OKAY OVER THERE AND YOU SURVIVED WHETER THE HECK ANGR MY BIG SDIS MUST"VE SBUBJECTED YALL TOO BEACSE SHE IS FUCKING PISSSEEED LATELY IM GENUUNINLY WORRIED FOR OURLIVES LEVEL THERES SO MANY FIGHTS AND COMING-OUT-ABOUT-HER-LEGEND-OF-VIOLENCE STORY AND THE SHOOTIGN REVENTLY AND POINT IS THE LEGAL STUFF MIGHT GET RESOLVED OKAY?????? DADS MAGIC PROTAG POWERS OR WHATER APAPRENTLY HE KNOWS EVREYONE PERSON ON THE PLANET ITS GODDAMN WITCHCARAFT BUT MOMS DROPPIN LIKE EVERY OTHER DAY BBBBBBUYT OTS HER BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK AND WERE GONNA TRY AND TAKE ME OUTSIDE AND SEE IF I EXPLODE IN THE SUNLIGHT SO UUUUUUUUUUUUUUH THANKS FOR EVERYTHIGN I LOVE YOU GUYS ILL TRYT TO FUCKIN REACTIVATE ALL MY ACCOUNTS ALL A BAJILLION OF THEM APPARENTLY I WAS ONE CRASY AKJSFI KID PLEAASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON MY BI G SIS WAKES UP SOON IF SHE HEARS ME IM GETTTIN IT I HAVE NO FUCKIN IDEA WHATS GOIN ON ON YOUR SIDE CAUSE NO ONE IS SAYIN JACK SHIT BADUM TSSHH BUT I GOT  MY SHIT COMIN AT LIKE 9 AM RIGHT WHEN I TAKE MY VERY MYSTERIOUS NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK THEY DO ANYMORE MEDS AND IF I KICIK THE BUCKET AT LEAST I FUCKING STAYED BABY YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ALSO IM NOT DRUNK WE DONT DRINK IN THIS HOUSE EVER BUT I DEFINITYL NEEDS A LIL HELP IN LIKE ANY SORT OF MEANIN NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE FUCKIN REMEMBERS ANYTHING IN ANY SOR TOF WAY FOR ANY SORT OF THING ITS AN ACTUAL I HAVE NO IDEA WHOSE CALLIN OR TOUCHIN SHIT OR WHAT TALL THIS SHTI IS IN THE HOUSE AND FRANKLY IM TERRIFIED CAUSE EVREYONE LEAVES POR PASSES OUT BEFORE I CAN GET A CLEAR ANSWER AND AND ADN COLD WAR INTELLIGENCE WHATHER NEWS STORY OLD POPS HERE IS PUTTIN ON TV ANYWAYS LOVE YOU GUYS STAY SAFE CALL OUT IF YOU SEE ME IN THE WILDS SOMEDAY BUYYEYEEE

WAIT I JUST REMEMBRED BIG SIS IS GONNE DESTROY SHIT SOON SONSONSOON SHIT HSHISTHSHIT OK ANYWAYS ERVYTHIN ONLINE LOOKS OKAY FROM WHERE I CAN SEE IT IN MYSETRUOS VPN LAND AND IM GOIN THROUGH MY COMP RIGHT NOW BUT EVREYON IN OUR HOUSE RECOGNIZES THE DISCORD SYMBOL PROBABLY>>>?????? SO IM TRYIN TO FIND ALL OTHER CONTACTS BUT ITS JUST A BUNCH OF EMAILS DDDDUDE I JUST HAD TO LET YALL KNOW WE'RE ALIEV HOPE ALL OF YOU ARE WELL LOVE YALL EVER IF YOU DONT BELIEVE THAT ASTY SAFE WATCH OUT FOR FUKCING PUNCHES OR SIDESWEEPS AND MY BIG SISSS KILLING BLOW AND THE FCKKGNGI  SWORD ON TOP OF HER BOOKSELG OR THE LITTLE GUN THING IN HER LCOSET WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN IN HER ROOM ANYMROE ANYWASY DONT DIE OUT THERE LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEACE OUT BURY ME UNDER A BLUE SKY WITH ALL MY SHIT IIM HANDING  DOWN WHATEVR THE ITTY BITTY NOT SO BITTY NEICE WANTS LIL PRINCESS LILLY HAACKER SCAMMER HUSTLER SECOND LEGEND OF VIOLENCE IN THE MAKIN IM GONNA FUCKIN PASS OUT I HAVE NO  IDEA OF FUCKIN ANYTHIN THATS HAPPPENIN HERE EVERERR GOD CAN I TALK TO ANYONE THAT ISNT THIS NEIGHBORHOOD THAT THIGNS I HAVE HEARSD ABOUT THE PWOPLE ROUND HERE any ewysbans m y hands are shak in and breakin and crankin love yall stay safe dont fall into a ditch like me ever again mMWAHH TEDDIE IF YOURE OUT I STILL OWE YOU THAT FUCKIN LETTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[bingobongobonko]

starting today with an argument good god im not mad just kinda tense n confused. walkin dogs and i passed by a complex and then when my dogs were done im out, back home to mine complex, and then lady calls out to me. i have poor hearing so i gotta walk all the way back right, confused as hell. and shes like. did u walk up to my door and did your dogs destroy my flowerpatch. shes on the third floor. i dont live in this complex.we argue for like 10 mins saying my dogs and i have been here and they have been smelling the grass and thats it. and i guess she was like callin me a liar and im like huh... whag??? i dont have any reason to walk into this complex and destroy her stuff like she said i did.... i am so confused. thankfully nother lady was. just leave she does this with rveryone its not you. so im just like. like im SORRY its destroyed but i didnt do that. she said she saw me do it but i didnt go upstairs....... anyhow man my throat is hoarse. i didnt yell but i was like 10 mins of raising my voice. she said she'll just pull up the cameras. alright maam thumbs up. do what u need to do

[sixflame438]

YAH MY DEMENTIA WAS IN MY ASS AGAIN AND I LITERALLY FORGOT BUT WHY YOU CALLIN ME HAG HUH ✋😒😒😒😒

UNACCEPTABLE

ill be the one crushing ur dusty ass fr fr ZONT play w me istggggg amen

SMAU BANGER INCOMING JHGFDSFGHJK FR COMEBACK WHENNNNNNN im in hiatus rn so i wont be uploading soon (sry guys i lied abt updating the dani fic its still in 600 words rn and I haven't even got to the middle part like bffr) BUT I have like 6 drafts rn so when my writing eras back I'm gonna be sure to feed my litol children well TRUSTTT

I once tried to do puzzles (it was the sunflower painting of van goh) but yknow I dunno how to even do that shit and ended giving up midway bc lemme tell you I was STRESSED) learned it wasn't for me the hard way hahaha 😀👍

if im a hag ur the old granmama form of evil step mother from snow white (dw ill support ur dusty crusty ass bc I'm a gud friend duh)

im kidnapping u w me if u ever even try to find and hunt my ass istg I'm a gud girl everyone will believe if I said YOU went down bc of natural cause 😇😇😇

THE OLD GRANMAMA FORM OF THE EVIL STEP MOTHER IS CRAZY FUCK YOU MEAN THATS ME HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS CLEARLY THATS YOU

Hiatus she said, wait till its revealed shes on indefinite hiatus instead 🙄🙄 GET THAT DANI FIC DONEEE

I have 4 half finished drafts and i was going through them the other day omg what the heck was i trying to write 😭😭😭 TRUST ILL HAVE ONE DONE AND OUT BY THE END OF THIS WEEK ILL LITERALLY WRITE YOU SOMETHING IF I DONT GET IT DONE LIKE PLZ IM ALRDY AT LIKE 5K I THINK GIVE ME A LIL TIME

Teehee the smau im working on currently is a collab one 😁 first chapter is dont but i cant do anything more bc ive gotta wait for her to do the next one and shes on holiday rn 🤦‍♀️(sssshhhh dont tell her im revealing more info, she might come for me or worse not send me my presents)

But that reminds me i have another smau idea i can work on in the mean time so 😈😈 fr the only thing stopping me is the choice of love interest 😭

Dude i love puzzles ☺️ i legit did this 1000 piece one in 5hrs 20mins it was soo nice.

YOU KNOW WHAT ISINT NICE?? DOING ALL THAT JUST FOR A PIECE TO BE FUCKING MISSING WHAT THE HECK????? AND ITS NOT LIKE OTS ONLY HAPPENED ONCE I SWEAR EVERY PUZZLE I OWN IS MISSING A PIECE AND I DONT KNOW WHY 😭😭

[beezoobledoodles]

Dating...Start? (Chapter 5. B.I.A AU)

Papyrus walked through, opening the doors to MTT resort. the sound of the enterance waterfall rushing with water... hmm... it... was strangely silent- he walked around- walking out to the main dining area, it could be it was being cleaned out, for another late show.. he was about to leave when he felt a hand on his shoulder- making him whip around on his heel, mettaton smiled happily, he was in his EX form "hello papyrus!" he waved softly "ah! mettaton! there you are!" he smiled, he gently pinched at sans' cheeks "hello tiny darling!"  

papyrus chuckled softly "i've been looking everywhere for you!" the robot sighed happily as he outstretched his arms "yes, here i am darling! ah! i was wondering papyrus-" he started, the tall skeleton looking down at the robotic entertainer "yes?" "i've been meaning to ask, now that i have you here-" he paused again "would- you be interested in going on a date?" papyrus paused, his face going orange as he stared at him for a moment. was this happening?... he was already friends- but now- his idol was actually ASKING him out?! HIM!! of all monsters! HIM! The great papyrus!! his soul wanted to jump for joy, excitement held him "of course! i'd love to!" was all he could manage. "good! i'll be waiting outside the resort at 7 pm. don't be late darling~" he waved goodbye, papyrus could only stare was he waved back, sans gently tugged at his scarf, getting a little impatient "huh? oh yes sans, we can go home-"

-

papyrus gently tightened his bowtie, brushing off at his suit, he looked at himself in the mirror as he smiled, he nodded and looked at the clock, '5 pm' he took in a deep breath and nodded to himself "alright sans are you ready?" he gently lifted the babybones into his arms, lifting a bag onto his shoulder, sans looked up at him with confusion "you. are gonna hang out, with miss dizzy! she agreed to watch you tonight!" as he opened the door, celia, the owner of hops' cafe and the snowdin inn, waved softly "Ah ms celia! what a pleasant surprise! where's ms dizzy?" he glanced around "well...thats what i came here for....dizzy...can't make it...im so sorry, she....got sick and was gonna try to tell you herself.." papyrus held up his hand "no worries ms celia! luckily! i planned ahead for accidents like this!" the bunny nodded and took off, giving a soft; apologetic wave.

-

Undyne grunted as she dried the sweat from her forehead, her hair falling on her shoulders, the training dummy was practically on fire.

as she rubbed the towel around her neck against her cheek, the phone inside rang. The captain paused, who would be calling her? she lifted the phone off the receiver "hello?" her gruff, confident voice spoke up.

"hello Undyne!"

"Oh! pap! jus' you! what's got ya callin?" she threw the towel into a basket as she opened her bedroom door.

"I need someone to watch over sans! and who better to watch him than you!"

She paused, watch? sans!? she blinked for a moment- "wait- wait- hold on- you want ME to play babysitter?! you know im not good with kids-"

"i wouldn't have picked you if i didnt think you'd do a good job. besides-" his voice got lower, a very serious tone than what she was used to hearing from him "you OWE me" she tapped her foot gently, hearing papyrus actually be serious was kind of scary, it intimidated her. she nodded "sure, i can watch sans tonight." she sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose-

he door knocked, she stopped; that was....oddly quick- she opened her door, to see the tall skeleton wave "hello undyne, i figured i should go over a few things with you-" she stepped back for him to enter.

papyrus sat down a bag on her table, setting sans down as well "i made a rather small list of simple things-" he handed her a piece of paper, undyne stared down at it, holding it in her hand "but i know you're not t keen on being a "rule" follower so i kept it simple!" he smiled, it wasnt the fact that he hadnt meant it in a mean, or insulting way- he just mean in a way to save more time, by the expression on undynes face, she understood what he meant.

"by 7 o'clock sans must be fed, i found he takes to this weird, shell based pasta the best with a few of these little cheesy biscuit...roll things covered in ketchup, just put the rolls in the microwave for 50 seconds. dont over do the pasta. i've learned he hates very thick noodles, or just stir them till their soft and squishy, by 8 or 9 he must have his bath, i'll understand if that doesnt work with you-" he gave a worried expression, undyne waved it off "nah dude, it's chill, i got this- it'll be like a new challenge. there aint nothin i haven't overcome! i aint gonna let babysittin a babybones let me down s' easily!!" she grinned, tightening her fist.

papyrus gave a relieved sigh "good, then, by 9:30 or ten he should be in bed, i've learned he takes to a particular story-" he handed her a book "its not the usual of the fluffy bunny series but he likes this one!"

undyne took a moment to examine the cover, two creatures- one was a tall almost midnight black, the other was shorter, almost a very dark purple wearing a brim, brown sunhat carrying a chicken, with the title of 'The Adventures Of Neptoid & Damien' undyne gave a shrug "cool. cool." she nodded "and this-" papyrus pulled out a rather raggedy bunny, with two patchwork ears, two little blue button eyes and soft worn out pinkish feet and a little tutu with a tiny golden crown, and a pair of wings "this is dawn. he calls her dawnalala, cannot sleep without her."

undyne nodded again "dope, anything else i should know?" papyrus stopped, he piveted on his heel "not that i can really think of, just, please follow the instructions on the box"

"i will"

"i mean it undyne" he gave a rather dark glare her way as she crossed her heart "i promise i won't endanger your brother. i'll take care of him"

papyrus smiles "thank you undyne, i knew i could put my faith in you-" he glanced at his watch "OH! sh-oot i have to go-" he wracked his mind for a moment "what else- what else- oH! sans doesnt talk! he sometimes communicates through drawing or writing!" he stepped out the door "i best be going bye!" with one final wave goodbye.

papyrus was gone.

sans stared as he watched the door.

where did his big brother go?...

[vaguelypleasantwombat]

info reblog for @am-i-the-asshole-official

okay i definitely left out waytoo much detail. thats my fault tho i shouldnta posted a rough draft i wrote while on the bus home from a 10 hr shift. i completely agree that i got wayyy off the original topic towards the end. also a weird amount of y'all are assuming like A LOT?? i mean fr do y'all's lil knees hurt from jumping to conclusions?

1. yeah, im being petty as all hell. but not for no reason?? like yeah i can be a dick, but never like just for shits and giggles, someone had to do something where I feel they deserved some wrath. also I WOULD NEVER EVER OUT SOMEONE NOT EVEN MY WORST ENEMY foh wit all that

2. i didnt know his name but he wasnt a complete stranger. and yes, i do know for a fact that he's a white cishet. 100% not queer and is in fact very queerphobic himself.

3. to those saying it was shitty to talk to him like he was "one of us" - omfg i literally talk like that to everyone!!! its just how i talk!!!!!!

4. damn y'all is hateful!! shoulda expected that it is tumblr 🤦🏽always assigning the worst possible intentions. but frfr some of y'all should try anger management/group therapy. im also f u k i n g dead at y'all callin me a bully, y'all sound like these butthurt old ass bigots from my post

aight here's the INFO:

so this guy, we'll call him Jared(40s-50s), was at the resort for close to 2 weeks total. i did what i did in the middle of his 2nd week. the entire first week he was there, he was learning to ski/snowboard. now i work primarily in the Learning Area (i run the conveyors and the gondola), so i saw A LOT of this piece o shit. not once did he, his friends, or his wife ever say or do anything remotely nice to me. i had bruises/cuts on my ankles to my shins from where he repeatedly smacked me with his equipment while getting off the conveyors. with how much he did it, and what he would say to me, it was on purpose. he'd said things like "pfft its [state] what do u expect 😒" when i politely corrected him on my gender, the first time. the next handful of times correcting him, he just ignored me and/or laughed in my face. refused to listen to me about the park rules, would only talk to my white cishet coworkers (YES IK FOR A FACT WHICH OF MY COWORKERS ARE QUEER, AND WHO'S NOT its a small fucking department), and would call me slurs under his breath when he thought i couldn't hear. well, i couldnt hear it, but ive lip read for over a decade, and i definitely know slurs when i read them, especially when theyre said wit such obviously venom. hes poured beer on my sleeves/gloved hands when it was in the negatives outside, because i was collecting his drink (ur not allowed to have alcohol or smoke in the gondola cabins). once, he finished a bar of weed chocolate (we're in a legal state), and then threw the trash on my feet when i asked him to hand it to me. his wife did that wit food wrappers, her half full coffee, and several hand warmers as well. the friends would also throw trash for me to pick up, but they had the decency to not do it directly in front of me. they all thought it was soooooo funny every time😮‍💨 and my job, we're fucking thee front line of customer service at our resort, so im not allowed to actually call this guy out OR really stand up for myself.

eventually id had enough!! id seen him, his friends, and his wife all call me slurs and make fun of my voice and how i acted (like, im a limp wristed, drag wearin ass twink. i have that stereotypical gay lisp, very pronounced too. they stayed makin fun of me all week) and they were being so so so racist (not giving examples on that😐).

the last straw came when he smacked me on the head & in the face (got a cut on my scalp) wit his equipment on the gondola earlier that day, after i told him to be careful cuz i was right there. so the next time i saw him, yeah i wanted to make him feel how he n his made me feel all fucking week. i saw him in his brand new ski suit for the 2nd day, and i just pounced. it was a gotcha type thing, like a "oh y'all're so hateful, treatin me like shit, but u still reppin my colors?" but i cant like actually be rude or shitty to guests so i had to be fake nice about it

and by "a week of hell" i mean he got verbally made fun of for like 3-4 days. and by made fun of, i mean whenever they all saw me they would (playfully, but rough cuz drunken) push him and go "oooooh look he's STILL wearing it😂" and "hahahhaha we should make him give YOU that suit" and, when the wife wasnt there, "lmao maybe he just wants to get with/has a crush you" so like. i was also still bein made fun of at the same time??? just felt better that he was also on my end of it for a while. like y'all he was more than rich enough to have bought a new suit directly after i said that (literally there was a store 500 yards from us), he was just bein a stubborn crotchety old man refusing to "give in to the woke agenda"

as for the "only assuming folks are queer", y'all do know worldwide society at large (specially here in amerikkka) will assume a person is Straight until proven otherwise right? and even then the proofs gotta be indisputable, and even then even then most times it'll still be ignored. so why is it so wrong that i do the opposite? hint: it's not. i dont need huge indisputable proof to believe someone is straight, im not gon ignore when someone says who they are, but im not one to go by the societal norms. to me, everyone is queer until stated otherwise. that guy who couldn't find his gf? was literally watching her live location for the like 3 minutes he and I were talking. its not like we were waiting on a search party or sum🤦🏽calm down. and ykw? the gf was so happy that i said "omg i LOVE y'all's matching bi pride suits🤗", she said they werent bi, but she picked them out cuz she loved the colors, we both agreed that it (the bi flag) looked like a beautiful sunset, like the one we were currently watching. we then gushed over how cute she looked in those colors, and she thanked me for teaching her something new. the only one upset was the bf - that I used they/them for his gf, and that i "insinuated" that he was gay. the "him" was an autocorrect i didnt notice, i only use they/them, or ey/em for folks idk the pronouns for.

nowhere did i insinuate either of these men were queer, i did not and do not out people, and the only reason these people felt "bullied" was because theyre queerphobic and didnt like that i didnt immediately assume they were cishet. so 🤷🏽 sucks to be a bigot tasting they own medicine ig?

the bi flag suit was the design of pic #1, the trans flag suit was the design from pic #2 except the bottom half was solid black

AITA for telling a guest his snowsuit was the trans pride flag?

okay so i work at a super popular ski resort in the midwest, and most of our clientele are white Straights. im like very obviously a tranny. there was one day that this guy came thru, his snow suit was black with the trans pride flag stripes all over it. he was sat in a gondola cabin with about 5 other men. he came by, and i was in a weird mood ig. i gushed over how "cute" his pride flag snow suit and "omg hun where can i get one🤗" and his friends just started going in on him. it was kinda gross to watch, but idk it felt satisfying? they continued to make fun of him relentlessly for the next 3 days, especially whenever they saw me "yooooo look he's still wearing it🤣how hilarious is that"

i know I just put that man thru about a week of hell, but it felt so perversely nice to get one over on a straight white man.

ive actually started doin in to everyone i see in pride flag colors (its a crazy high amount of people???), and like ill only "assume" that folks here are gay

ex: this guy lost his gf on the mountain, and he didnt say her gender so I was calling her "your partner", "oh I hope you can find them soon!", "omg i hope ur bf gets to you asap :(" and he seemed rather frustrated with me over that but like. fuck em?

so. am i the asshole for "assuming" everyone is queer even if its obvious they arent?

What are these acronyms?

[pesterloglog]

Eridan Ampora, Jade Harley

Act 5, page 3175-3176

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --

CA: noww that youre done makin all that pointless rubbish

CA: ivve got somethin wway more wworth your wwhile

GG: which one were you again?

GG: wait

GG: werent you the guy who was always trying to hit on me??

CA: that couldvve been anyone

CA: lets not get distracted by your sad league of suitors and their flushed desperations

CA: im offerin you the edge here

CA: in your rivvalry wwith the other female

GG: uh...

CA: wwevve got the same abstratus

CA: and i dont need this thing anymore

CA: since i became more powwerful than you could evver imagine as a mighty wwizard of wwhite science

CA: so you might as wwell take it and settle your score wwith that awwful wwitch

GG: but

GG: im the wwitch!

GG: i mean witch

CA: yeah ok the seer then if you wwant to be dealin wwith technicalities

GG: rose?

GG: i do not have a score to settle with rose!!!

GG: why would you think that?

CA: oh

CA: wwell fuck

CA: suppose i wwas guessin it wwas natural to presume somesuch relation like that betwween the twwo a you

GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others

GG: just because you tend to hate and/or hit on everyone you meet doesnt mean everyone else is that way

GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best!

CA: oh i see so she shared her "magic secrets" wwith you then

CA: its probably a trap i wwouldnt trust her

CA: she is a cunnin and treacherous sort trust me i knoww her type

GG: wait do you have a thing for her too???

GG: did she reject you or something?

CA: you are slingin around such a bloody mess of slander wwith these accusations

CA: you wwouldnt understand anywway

CA: its already been painfully established you people cant get your shalloww think pans under the majesty of our quadrants

GG: :|

CA: if you must knoww things betwween us wwere gettin pretty bellicose and im pretty sure she wwas wwaxin as obsidian for me as a human got it in em to do

CA: and if not for the interdimensional divvide keepin us apart honestly i dont doubt our rivvalry could be brewwin outright pitch

GG: uh huh...

CA: but the thing is i need a rivval wwho can pose me a challenge

CA: and frankly shes not evven fit for holdin my cape anymore

CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit

CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES

CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike

CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels

CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince

GG: wow what are you talking about

CA: so really you should be honored to inherit my old callin

CA: both my armaments and my feud

CA: itll be wwitch against wwitch

CA: a real one vvs an impostor

CA: faker one dies

GG: hey look at that, time for me to get going!

CA: oh wwill you just take the fuckin gun already

GG: no i dont want it!!!!!

CA: its a wway more powwerful wweapon than any of that crap you made

CA: its a legendary relic wwithout equal

GG: more like a legendary piece of shit!

CA: youre bein needlessly fuckin stubborn about this im doin you a fuckin favvor here

GG: yes but i dont like you very much and i feel really icky about accepting a present from you

CA: if you accept it this is the last ill evver be botherin you about anythin ok

GG: siiigh

GG: fine

CA: FFFFFFWW

GG: what?

CA: thats the code

GG: oh...

GG: hmmm...

GG: i have seen this before

CA: howws that possible

CA: its a one of a kind wweapon plundered from an alternian ghost ship

GG: i am very sure its the same rifle included with johns present

GG: but...

GG: bigger of course

CA: probably a cheap imitation of the original

CA: uh

CA: kind of like that one there is

CA: so theres your answwer stable loops ahoy

CA: noww enjoy the utter fuckin domination it affords

GG: yes but....

GG: i did not provide the weapons!

GG: my penpal did

CA: wwhos that

GG: the guy who helps me build the present

GG: we worked on it together but he supplied the bunnys weapons

GG: im pretty sure hes from the future!

CA: wwhy

GG: because he said hes my grandson

CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson

CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing

GG: umm yes

CA: nevvermind then your procreational biologistics make my fins curl in distaste

GG: oh no!!!!!

GG: aaaaa please dont tell anyone i told you about him!

GG: augh how could i let that slip to you of all people

CA: settle dowwn jade youre radically underestimatin the amount of shit i dont givve about this

CA: ill havve you knoww this is the last time im plannin on talkin to any human

CA: i got bigger ships to sink and soon wwhen im good and ready me and my luminous fuckin science stick havve got a date wwith jack noir

CA: AND NO NOT THAT KIND OF DATE GIVVE ME A LITTLE FUCKIN CREDIT

GG: wow ok!!!!

GG: i wasnt going to say anything

CA: wwhys this matter so hush hush anywway

GG: he didnt want me to tell my friends who he really was

GG: i guess maybe he was concerned about upsetting the timeline? i dunno

CA: wwell maybe he didnt wwanna disrupt wwhatevver disgustin sequence of evvents wwas responsible for his spawwnin in the first place

GG: maybe!

GG: i have wondered about that, assuming he is right...

GG: he was so nice, and it really did feel like i was talking to family, so i really dont think he was making it up

GG: i couldnt help but try to imagine his parents...

GG: and more interestingly.......

GG: his grandfather :O

GG: i still wonder who it could be...

GG: although i guess at this point

GG: the options are pretty limited :o

CA: ok i think im startin to feel ill talkin about things makin me fathom pink wwigglers comin out a your owwn personal torso

CA: so change a fuckin subject

CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid

CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage

GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be

GG: do you even have those? if you dont have parents how could you?

CA: no wwe dont knoww our direct forebears and im pretty sure any attempt to seek out or evven inquire about the supplier of your genes wwould be a fine wway to get yourself killed

CA: but wwevve got our lore and it says wwe all got indivvidual ancestors wwho contribute to most of our genes abovve and beyond wwhat the grubs slurry does

GG: ewwwwwwww

CA: oh shut up

CA: anywway a lot of us believve wwere meant to trace the footsteps of those ancestors evven though wwe can nevver knoww em

CA: and on that journey wwe can come across belongings they once had cause wwe wwere hatched to find em and finish their wwork

CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place

CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway

GG: hmmmm

GG: then maybe that is how this heirloom should work

CA: wwhat do you mean

GG: well i dont want to use it!

CA: aww man come on

GG: so ill just dump it outside the house with the trash

GG: and if it is fated to find my penpal one day then so be it!

CA: god damn it

CA: its like you people go out of your wway to think a howw to disrespect me

GG: maybe you should have been nicer to me!

GG: in any case i dont appreciate the spirit in which the gift was given so this is what i will do!

CA: fine fuck it wwhat do i care

CA: this has been a completely flippin useless exchange as havve they all been wwith your species

CA: and for the record

CA: evven though i said that stuff about bein fated to find my gun

CA: fate isnt real

CA: its a lot of FAKE FUCKIN HORSEFEATHERS

CA: noww go and be cleansed by the light of truth purity nonfakeness hope and abovve all SCIENCE

gardenGnostic's johnnytop exploded.

[digitalsnail]

weird new girl

[clownmoontoon]

CLOWN GEM CLOWN GEM CLOWN GEM AAAAAAA

🤡💖☯️💎

i watched the movie like 7 times already aND I STILL CRY JGJKJKS

BOTH DESIGNS ARE AVAILABLE ON MY REDBUBBLE!! 

[just-some-random-blogger]

"Well, I've heard that he comes across as a pompous ass, if that's what you mean."

LMMAAAAOOOOOOOOO SAUURRRR GOOOODODDDD

He moves to stand in front of you, finding your eyes. "Dear child, might I suggest steering clear of the Marquis and his associates whilst he is in residence with us here? It would simply be for the best. His reputation does preceed him."

WHAT HER DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE SMH

John Wick hated the name, but he liked you, so the name stayed. Him and his then wife somehow became your second set of parents, with your dad never around and your mother usually drowning in her fancy liquor.

AAWWWWWWW GIMME HIM

I SQUISH MI JOHNNY BOYY

"Whoever this Marquis is, I can handle him," you say determinedly. "I'll just act normal, do my job, go about business as usual."

LMMMAAAAAAOOOOO NO HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH BUT GO OFF I GUESS

"You know me," you call after him, an impish grin on your face. "I'm only a shadow."

He is never beating those pompous ass allegations. You can't help but smirk from your post behind the concierge desk.

HAHAHAHAHHH

You look down briefly, smoothing out invisible creases on your black button-up shirt. Don't laugh. You roll out your shoulders. Compose yourself.

NNNNAUUURRR 😭😭😭😭😭😭 THATS SO MEEEE HAHAHAHB BSJEJWNWKS ME ASFFFF LMAAAOOOOOO HELLPPP 😭😭😭😭😭😭💳

"What is your name?" He asks, a perfect brow raised in anticipation.

Why he kinda-

A momentary pause, before he repeats your name. You want to hate the way he says it, as if he testing it on his tongue, seeing how it tastes.

SEEE SEEE SHE LIKE ME FR HAHAHHAHAHAHSKEIEJEJSNNSN 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

He finally walks away. But of course, of course he has to drive a chill up your spine as he calls over his shoulder, "Have her come up to me in twenty minutes."

🧍

"So much for your being 'only a shadow', hmm?" Charon echoes your sentiment, which has just been apparently disproven.

NAJSHHSHSHHSS IM SORRY CHARON I CANT HELP THAT IM THE MAIN CHARACTER

"Mmm," he hums, and tilts his head. "Tell me, what was so funny?"

NSJSJJSHSJSJSJSB AINT NO WAY THIS PETTY DUNDERHEAD CALLED FOR THIS LMMMMMMBBBBBAAAOOOOOO

"No, sir, I... I must admit, I don't quite remember what you speak of. I smirk to myself all the time. I've got plenty of inside jokes and all that."

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 MEEEE NAUUURRRRRR THIS IS TRULY A YN READER INSERT EXPERIENCE HAHAHHHHAHA

"Are you... well in the head?" He twirls his fingers beside his temple. The bastard.

PLEEEASSSEEE HES SO FUNNY FOR NOTHINNNGGGGGGG ANJAJWNWJKAKAKAS

"Yes, Marquis." You take a deep breath, but you can't help yourself. "But I assure you I'm just as demented as you are."

First of all i would have said no im not HAHAHAAH 🤪🤪🤪🤪✌️✌️✌️ SECOND OF ALL SHE REALLY JUST- 🧍

"Well," you say carefully, knowing the wrong word might set him off, "you could let the fool go. You've already taught him a lesson."

SHES CALLIN THE SHOTS NOW RATATATATTATATATATATTAT

"Leave us," the Marquis finally says. Well, shit.

🧍😗🍵👌 welp

"I hope you aren't busy," he says, walking to the other room.

[tucks hair] WHY HE KINDA

YOU WOULDN'T EVEN CARE THOOOOOO IF SHE WEREEEEE 🤬🤬🤬🤬👹👹👹🙅🙅🙅

You grumble under your breath, "So much for being a shadow."

Like i said

BUT GET IMMMMMMM GET THAT MONEY GET THAT DESIGNER SHITTTT EAT HIM DO IT FOR USSS

MORE MARQUIS MOREEEEEEE I LOOOOOOVED IT, L - O - V - E - D ITTT!!!!!!!

le marquis et le moineau - (ill)fated

Marquis de Gramont x f!reader

synopsis: one of several short stories, set up as a prequel to this oneshot of le marquis et le moineau. This is set in the early days, depicting the beginning of what would turn into a dangerous mutual infatuation.

more of moineau: le marquis et le moineau ▪︎ other works

word count: 2.5k ▪︎ themes/warnings: slow burn, mentions of violence (it's the John Wick universe ofc), language

"Welcome to the New York Continental. How may I be of service?" Charon asks in his flawless genial manner.

You stand behind him, his shadow in training. After only 3 short months as the 'Assistant to the Concierge' - (a title you picked over 'Assistant Concierge', in reference to a certain beloved TV series) - you've come to learn the ins and outs of the Continental.

What makes it tick. The demands of its peculiar crowd of usual guests. What is required to keep such an establishment up and running.

In truth, it takes a lot of fucking work. Much and more need to be swept under the rug so as to not attract attention. Guests need to be kept satisfied, their particular requests adhered to. As long as it is well within the rules of the High Table, of course.

The only thing separating you from the animals.

As if everyone in this sort of life has not already become animal. Well, isn't ignorance such bliss.

The man who introduced himself as Chidi says, "I have come ahead of my superior, the Marquis de Gramont. Needless to say, we must ensure that everything is well-prepared for his stay here in New York. Wouldn't you agree, Charon?"

"Of course, sir." Charon tilts his head. "I will personally see to that, don't you worry. Is he still set to arrive tonight at the planned hour?"

"He should be here at 6 this evening. I trust that the... agitator is being dealt with?"

Charon walks in front of the counter, taking a parcel from a bellhop. He keeps his gaze trained on Chidi. "With compliments of the Continental, sir. The proprietor has ensured that the liability will be brought to the penthouse of the Marquis."

"Very good." Chidi taps Charon on the shoulder once, before walking away, a satisfied sneer on his face.

"Just remember, sir," Charon calls out to him, making his stop in his tracks, "that no business may be conducted on Continental grounds."

"Hmm."

After a moment, you move to stand beside Charon.

"So, sir, what was that all about?"

He turns his head towards you fondly. "I'm sure you've heard of Marquis Vincent de Gramont."

"Well, I've heard that he comes across as a pompous ass, if that's what you mean."

Charon simply raises his eyebrows at you, already accustomed to your blunt, sarcastic manner of speaking. "Well, he will be staying with us for a couple of days, as he has some... business to deal with."

"I won't even ask."

He moves to stand in front of you, finding your eyes. "Dear child, might I suggest steering clear of the Marquis and his associates whilst he is in residence with us here? It would simply be for the best. His reputation does preceed him."

You can't help but smile at Charon's nickname for you, one that heralds back to when your family first moved across the hall from him in one of the High Table sponsored apartment buildings in downtown Manhattan.

You had been only 12, but you were already well aware of your father's line of work. One that required him to be away on business to faraway cities each month, and caused him to rub elbows with the dregs of the underworld.

Not all of them were bad though. You grew fond of some of his associates, namely Charon, of course. And the one they called the Baba Yaga, but to you he was just Johnny.

John Wick hated the name, but he liked you, so the name stayed. Him and his then wife somehow became your second set of parents, with your dad never around and your mother usually drowning in her fancy liquor.

More than a decade later, your father met his end on one of his jobs. One that was only supposed to be "quick and easy". He promised he would be back to you in no time, with a box of your favourite chocolates from Paris.

But he never came. And neither did the fucking chocolates, which truthfully, you now hated. Your father lost his life in that city, so you grew to loathe everything about it.

And now comes the Marquis, the man practically in charge of all of Paris. Not to the public eye, of course.

If Charon asks you to steer clear of him, it must be for good reason.

But you've never been good at following orders. Or staying out of trouble. Or keeping your mouth shut.

"Whoever this Marquis is, I can handle him," you say determinedly. "I'll just act normal, do my job, go about business as usual."

Charon takes a deep breath, resigning himself. "Very well. Just try not to catch his eye." A tenant raises her hand, demanding his attention, so he starts to head her way.

"You know me," you call after him, an impish grin on your face. "I'm only a shadow."

The Marquis de Gramont stands in the ornate lobby of the Continental, surrounded by his posse. Clad in an impeccable three-piece cream suit, his hair perfectly coiffed, his polished shoes gleaming to the naked eye.

He is never beating those pompous ass allegations. You can't help but smirk from your post behind the concierge desk.

You look down briefly, smoothing out invisible creases on your black button-up shirt. Don't laugh. You roll out your shoulders. Compose yourself.

Winston and Charon had greeted his entourage upon entering, and they've been hashing out the details of his stay for the last minute or two. Apparently, the Marquis has some very specific demands. Of course he does.

Those in the group exchange some final words, nodding to each other, seemingly satisfied. Charon raises his arm, directing the Marquis. "Right this way, if you please."

Hands on his hips, the Marquis makes his way over to the private elevator. Which only means that he will have to pass by your post.

You try to keep your head down, as a practiced sign of cordiality. Also, so that you don't let out an impromptu sneer. But you can't help it. Right when he passes by, you raise your head.

And he is already looking straight at you.

The corner of his lips is in a downturn, as if he is judging you where you stand. Pompous prick.

You don't let it faze you. "Welcome to the Continental. We hope you enjoy your stay," you greet him, eyes not leaving his in some sort of defiance.

"Hmm." He walks by, slowly, and you only want to urge him on. But just when he is clear of the reception desk, he turns on his heel.

"What is your name?" He asks, a perfect brow raised in anticipation.

You answer him, keeping your voice steady. You've learned a long time ago not to allow men like him the chance to intimidate you.

A momentary pause, before he repeats your name. You want to hate the way he says it, as if he testing it on his tongue, seeing how it tastes.

But hell, that French accent can make anything sound heavenly.

"Is there a problem, monsieur?" Charon has moved to your side, wary of the attention from the marquis.

Marquis de Gramont barely acknowledges Charon with a sideways glance, before looking back to you. "Non, no problem at all."

He finally walks away. But of course, of course he has to drive a chill up your spine as he calls over his shoulder, "Have her come up to me in twenty minutes."

You grit your teeth in an attempt to maintain cordiality. "Excuse me, sir?" He could have at least addressed me himself.

Nothing. He doesn't even look back at you as he enters the elevator, head dipped in hushed whispers to his security team.

"So much for your being 'only a shadow', hmm?" Charon echoes your sentiment, which has just been apparently disproven.

Winston draws closer, worried look on his face as he says, "Quite a conundrum, dear one. I'm considering sending someone else in your place, however, he did ask for you markedly."

Your stomach churned. "Maybe he just needs some attending? Room service? Basic cleanup? I don't know..." Basic cleanup being clearing the blood of the surfaces of his penthouse, especially after he deals with the man the establishment had caught and presented to him.

Deals with. But not kill. Never that. Not whilst on Continental grounds, that is.

Winston responds, "Perhaps so. I trust that you will handle it? I know you can, child."

You straighten yourself. "Of course I can. He's just some overgrown French brat."

But what the fuck does he want?

"If anything," Winston adds calmly, "and worst comes to worst, your dear Uncle Johnny would surely be happy to lend a hand."

Of course he will. Feeling much lighter, you shoot a smile at Charon and Winston, before returning to your post behind the desk.

18 more minutes.

The Marquis stays in the biggest penthouse of the Continental. The most exclusive part of the property, made even more opulent per his request.

New pieces of artwork are hung on the walls, requested from some New York Baron's private collection. Not that he had a choice.

The man - the traitor - known as Laurent had been staying at the Continental in the week prior, stupidly believing that he is free of the Marquis.

It only took one phone call, and of course, Winston had to relent. They kept Laurent in one of their best suites, lulling him into a false sense of security, all while preparing for the Marquis' arrival.

Then Laurent's room was filled with nitrous oxide, and he was tied up and taken to the Marquis' penthouse.

Laurent sits in a lone wooden chair, nearly unconscious in the middle of the drawing room as you enter, a gash of deep red on his temple.

Chidi sits directly in front of him, seemingly carrying out the interrogation. His superior, on the other hand, lazily sits on the plush couch on the far side of the room. Looking as if he'd rather be anywhere but here. As if there isn't a man being tortured right in front of his eyes.

One of his men announces your arrival, but you sense the Marquis has already noticed your presence.

You clear your throat. "You asked for me, sir?"

"Mmm," he hums, and tilts his head. "Tell me, what was so funny?"

"I'm sorry?"

"When you first saw me in the lobby," he stands, stalking over to you, "you smirked. I wish to know what it was that brought you to react in such a manner."

This is why he asked for me? Because I smirked? Oh, for fuck's -

He steps forward, closer. "Cat got your tongue?"

"No, sir, I... I must admit, I don't quite remember what you speak of. I smirk to myself all the time. I've got plenty of inside jokes and all that."

"To yourself?"

"Yes."

"Are you... well in the head?" He twirls his fingers beside his temple. The bastard.

"Yes, Marquis." You take a deep breath, but you can't help yourself. "But I assure you I'm just as demented as you are."

A gloom falls over his face, and you sense his security team tense up. Preparing for him to say the word.

Your eyes trail around the room, and continue, "And everyone else in this world of ours."

The Marquis stares at you. Half-indignant, and dare you think it, half-amused.

His lips twitch, fighting back a smirk of his own, and his eyes rake your figure. From your uniform shoes to your hands to your lips. Then back to your gaze.

"Fair point." He shrugs, and the room settles once again. His men look away from the pair of you.

He turns, beckoning you to follow. A few feet in front of Laurent, he asks, "What do you make of this?"

Of this? You mean of him? The way the Marquis speaks, as if Laurent is merely a thing to be dealt with and not a person, bothers you. But such is the way of your world.

"Laurent Castillon. French-Italian sommelier. If I understand correctly, he cheated you out of what would have been successful dinner plans."

Sommelier, an arms dealer. Dinner plans, whatever you can concoct with the use of guns. You're more than accustomed to the language, having picked it up over the years.

"Excellent." The Marquis clasps his hands, pleased. "Now, what do you make of this? What would you do, if you were in my shoes?"

He is testing you, prodding you on. Seeing if you would curl back in your shell or flinch.

Is there a wrong answer here, or is this all just some game?

"I would set things right, I suppose."

"You suppose?" He repeats, dissatisfied. "We don't deal in half measures."

"I would - ," you look him directly in his eyes, "I would make him pay."

Something sparks in Marquis de Gramont's eyes. Recognition? Appreciation? Excitement?

"Won't that be a waste?" He takes a step closer, eliminating the space between you.

Stand your ground.

You shrug, "Such is life."

He smiles, "Indeed, petit moineau."

In a flash, without breaking your gaze, he takes a handgun from the inner lining of his jacket and shoots Laurent in the knee. He keels over, screaming.

The familiar sound rings in your ears, making you dig your nails in the flesh of your palm.

The Marquis does not even flinch, does not even look at Laurent who is writhing on the floor in pain.

"And what now?" He rubs an eyebrow with his thumb, still holding his gun carelessly with that hand.

"That depends." What the fuck did he call me? Moineau? "How gracious do you feel tonight?"

"Why?"

"Well," you say carefully, knowing the wrong word might set him off, "you could let the fool go. You've already taught him a lesson."

A long, torturous pause. He does not seem to like that suggestion.

"Take him away." He gives a sudden order, and all his men rush to obey. Seconds pass, and Laurent is out of your sight. Only Chidi and two other men are left hovering in the corner.

"Leave us," the Marquis finally says. Well, shit.

The door shuts behind the men, and you are left alone, with one of the most notorious men in the city. Perhaps the world.

"What's going to happen to him?" You find yourself asking, to fill the silence and also because you're genuinely curious.

He looks at you in confusion, as if the answer is the most obvious thing. "He dies, of course."

You swallow, a picture of forced composure. "Of course."

He rolls his eyes. "Sure, not here on the Continental and all that nonsense. But it does not matter. He dies anyway."

He dies. He says that so easily, like a life means nothing. It probably means nothing to him. Your father would probably have only been another life to spend, just another one in the roster, in his eyes.

"I hope you aren't busy," he says, walking to the other room.

"What did you have in mind?" Why can't he just send me away already?

"We shall dine together. I could use the company."

You grumble under your breath, "So much for being a shadow."

"Pardon?" He asks, just before reaching the archway to the dining room.

"I said, it would be my pleasure."

"Hmm."

Two can play at this game, Marquis.

My HotD series works are not going to be discontinued. The next part to fire like yours will be up next, but don't hold me to it 🖤😉

More Marquis, just as it should be.

And even more to come - taglist open!

[artnerd1123]

*softly* do u think u could share ur au thoughts? owo

I was literally jus thinkin about it again??? Vaal ur psychic :000

Nevertheless!!! Ofc I can~

So, first off, here’s the deal: the au is entirely based on a spontaneous daydream I had when listening to the song “angels” by Vicetone. No link cuz I’m on mobile but jfhjfjsjd hear me out-

Basically, in this au, seraph snaps instead of hiding and beating herself up when evangel goes off the deep end. She’s beyond furious at her originator for a multitude of reasons. Evangel’s ruined her own life, the lives of everyone living in town, the town itself, and turned seraph into her own emotional doormat/dumping ground.

When evangel’s mirror gets the best of her, the dark magic around sorta... took hold on Seraph. And it showed her all the stuff n treatment she’d been trying to ignore and diminish in her life. So she breaks. And actually goes after her own originator.

Basically it follows the song plot except seraph is singin it and hfjhdjsjs slightly evil seraph au-