#thats unprofessional as hell!!!!!!!!!!!

[diteach]

The Thoughts(c) are getting to me so I should probably go to bed but I have to say hmm maybe I should go to therapy

[storm-of-feathers]

Dgmw as annoyed as I am i know my pharmacy is in a drug heavy area in a state SUPER impacted by the opioid crisis so im sure they do genuinely deal with people being like "hello yes I'd like to buy 1 fentanyl please" so I'm sure when I'm like "hey can I have my things" It's always possible (to them) that that's what I'm trying to do

[maretriarch]

if you have nothing nice to say come sit on my face

[wileys-russo]

Reader joking with Leah that she given her the ick when she argues with the ref 😂

the ick II l.williamson

you watched with a wince as alessia's feet were swept out from her, the ball sent flying out as the tall girl basically did a front flip and landed on her stomach with a grunt and a wheeze.

"shit less are you okay?" you hurried over, tugging down her shorts and shirt where they'd ridden up and squatting by her as caitlin and kim quickly joined you. "i think its my ribs." the blonde winced, reaching out for your hands as you gently helped her sit up and kim waved for the medics to come over.

"are you jokin me how the fucks that not a card!" you looked up as you heard an all too familiar voice shout angrily, a head of blonde hair storming over toward the ref. "go." caitlin nodded knowingly as she stayed with alessia and the medics, you and kim hurrying over to try and start damage control.

"leah." you warned once you were within earshot, your girlfriend giving the ref an absolute mouthful as katie forever the supportive best friend stood right beside her doing the same. you watched with cautious eyes as the refs hand hovered by her back pocket.

"lee please stop it. she's fine!" you stood in front of the taller girl, shoving her back as she ignored you and continued to berate the decision, the ref only awarding a free kick.

"leah stop!" you wrapped your arms around her waist, head to her chest as you forcefully pushed the taller girl away, having to use all your strength as she pointed angrily over your shoulder continuing to yell, lia was quick to appear by your side to try and calm her down.

"yeah good fucking call mate. some professional you are!" leah scoffed as you continued to shoulder her away, lia doing her best to help as the blonde defender continued on her rant.

"leah catherine! you're being unprofessional." you quipped, finally gaining her attention as she scowled, mocking the ref holding up a yellow card in her direction.

"nice one! that's given me the ick." you rolled your eyes and let go of her as she looked at you in bewilderment. "the ick? the hell does that mean?" she asked as you ignored her, continuing to walk off as she followed and grabbed your top.

"what's an ick?? babe!" leah groaned as you pushed her hand off and continued to walk away. "you tucking your shirt into your shorts? ick. you kicking off at the ref and getting a yellow? ick." you refused to explain anymore, head turning as you heard jonas calling out for you, you and alessia to be subbed off for kyra and stina.

"oi but that doesn't explain anything!" leah called after you with a frown as you only gave her a shrug before jogging off, clapping kyra on the back as she took your place.

"what's she on about now?" beth chuckled as leah went right to lotte, flailing her hands about as the brunette only shrugged and nodded for leah to find her place beside her as katie readied to throw in.

"told her she gave me the ick." you shrugged, collapsing down into the seat beside her as the shorter blonde let out a loud laugh at your words. "and let me guess she's not got a clue what that means?" beth grinned as you shook your head, slight smile curling onto your lips.

"you right less?" you asked as the blonde gingerly sat down on beths other side, holding an ice pack to her stomach as she nodded. "bit winded. whats this about icks?" alessia raised an eyebrow. "she told leah the card and kickin about at the ref gave her the ick." beth chuckled as you nodded.

"and she's got no idea what that means, nor am i going to tell her." you smiled, tugging on your subs bib and settled into your seat. "thats cruel." alessia shook her head with a smile, the three of you tuning back into the game.

"serves her right for giving me the ick."

~

"oh come on! not one of you will tell me? whats she payin you? i'll double it!" leah huffed angrily, having asked almost the entire team now what your earlier words had meant, no one willing to give her much more than a smile in response, some apologetic but most amused.

"failed bribery. jot that down as another ick please g!" you tapped the younger girl beside you's leg who grinned, gio pulling out her phone. "don't you dare!" leah warned as the brazilian hesitated, slipping her phone back into her pocket at the blondes threatening glare.

"you're scaring the kids love thats not very nice, yet another ick." you sighed, pulling gio into a hug with a shake of your head as leah stormed off, boots clacking away toward her own cubby. "are you going to tell her?" gio laughed as you let go of her.

"if she asks nicely enough maybe i'll consider it." you ruffled her hair and stood, grabbing your things and headed off to shower.

when you returned the change rooms had half cleared out, and you smiled still seeing leah attempt to get out of someone the answer to her ongoing question. why she hadn't just googled it already was beyond you.

"ready to go?" you called out to her, stopping her insistent plea's in vics direction. "we're not goin anywhere till you explain yourself." leah appeared in front of you with crossed arms and a scowl.

"okay. well i'll be waiting in the car then!" you smiled, kissing her cheek and holding up her keys you'd swiped earlier from her bag, darting off before she could snatch them back off you.

sure enough you'd only made it a few steps out of the change room before you heard her footsteps follow quickly after you, refusing to turn and meet the eyes you felt burning into the back of your head as you strode off toward the car park.

you unlocked her car as you were within reach, moving to pop her boot and toss your stuff in, waiting for her to do the same before you gave her the keys with an innocent smile, slipping into the passenger side.

"we are not leaving until you tell me what an ick is." leah huffed, dropping the keys in her lap and fixing you with a frown as you shrugged, settling back into your chair. "babe come on!" leah whined when you remained silent, only giving her an infuriatingly cute smile.

"whats an ick?" leah questioned again impatiently. "what are mine? well-" you cleared your throat and held up your hand as she sighed deeply at your dramatics.

"when someone acts like they know everything and can't learn anything, when someone is rude to food service workers, people who wear sunglasses at night or indoors, chewing with your mouth open or talking with your mouth full, clapping when the plane lands-" you listed them off on your fingers, only furthering leahs confusion.

"i am so lost." she exhaled with a sigh and a shake of her head. "when someone refuses to drive their very tired girlfriend home..." you trailed off pulling a face as leah pushed your shoulder, rolling her eyes and starting up the car.

"you are honestly one of the most insufferable human beings i've ever met."

~

"oi!"

you smiled at the sound of your girlfriends angry cry from downstairs, sprawled out on the bed reading a book as she'd decided she was going to ignore you until you explained, which you were still refusing to.

you heard her footsteps thump up and toward the bedroom, the blonde bursting through the door and standing at the end of the bed glaring down at you, phone in hand.

"ick is a slang term that is commonly used to describe a feeling of disgust or aversion towards something or someone." leah read off the screen, hands moving to her hips as her glare intensified.

"now you know." you nodded with a smile, returning your attention to your book. "i disgust you?" leah cried out, jumping on top of you and moving your book to the side, adorable pout settled on her features.

"no. your behavior gave me the ick lee, not you." you laughed and smacked her gently on the head with your book as she sat back with a groan before belly flopping down on top of you.

"but that ref was an idiotic prick." she mumbled into your shoulder where her face was smoosh against you, your hands coming to card through her hair.

"maybe so, but it was hardly intelligent to kick off and get a card now was it? what if you already had one and then we were down to ten? who does that help lee?" you chuckled, feeling her exhale heavily into your her jumper.

"can't believe i give you the ick." she pulled her head up and frowned down at you, eyebrows knitted together and bottom lip jutted out slightly. with an amused smile at the older girls behavior you quickly pecked her lips a few times

"would you like me to list all the ways you do?" you smiled in response to her previous statement, thumb caressing her cheek lovingly as she scoffed and hit your shoulder.

"m'gonna write you a list of all of my icks." leah huffed, collapsing back on top of you with a deep exhale. "mm you get on that love." you hummed with a smile, laughing as she grabbed your hands, tucking one up the back of her top and returning the other to play with her hair.

"everyone thinks you're this big tough stern faced captain when really you're just a moody stroppy baby." you teased, nails scratching up and down the warm bare skin of her back. "am not!" leah protested, quick to complain that you'd stopped scratching her back shortly afterwards only proving your point as you gave her a knowing look.

"shut up, thats giving me the ick." leah sighed, the taller girl melting into your touch causing you to let out a laugh, body vibrating under hers as she smiled against your neck.

"leah that is not how it works."

[hyewka]

i'll give you my firstborn for more subby taehyun holy shit

lol because ive made some progress on my sub taehyun noona coworker au ill share a little snippet for fun

__

“You like me?! The hell? You must have some sort of degradation or something, jesus christ…” its an off handed comment meant as a joke, because even you could be self aware and acknowledge that you’ve been bitchy towards him.

But the silence that follows after is...too deafening. Your eyes slowly widen at the realisation, studying the redness at the tip of his ears. “Holy shit kang” you muse. “No way.”

“No no, its not— I dont like you because you degrade me thats-”

“Holy shit.” You start barking in laughter, doubling over, “Mr. Kang the all knowing prodigy has a fucking degradation kink!” you exclaim loudly to the empty room, the echo doing him further embarrassment.

“I don’t—fuck, can you stop being a bitch for one second?” he whisper shouts.

Your mocking smile drops at that. You take him by his flimsy stupid collar, the shirt thats unbuttoned, god its so fucking unprofessional— young people always do this like the work field is a damn playground. You press him hard against the table behind him.

The gulp from his side gets a snort out of you. “Mr. Kang—”

“Taehyun.” the correction you’ve come to expect is barely a whisper, throat dry obvious from the way his voice comes out scratchy as he keeps his eyes on you. You smile.

“I don’t know who you think you are Taehyun, but you do not get to call me a bitch. Got it?”

He nods slowly and you tsk. “Words.”

“S-sorry.” he stutters and you have half the mind to not laugh again.

“Boss. Sorry boss. Go on, you can say it.”

You can pick up on the change in his breathing, getting heavier with his eyes looking up at you, wide and big—strongly resembling a cute puppy. You dispel that thought the moment it pops up in your head in disgust.

“Sorry boss. Noona, I’m sorry.”

[ranfordgallus]

Was there a reason as to why you made krattastrophe?

Well im glad you asked....because i already told why i made it but im gonna tell the whole story..

In late 2022, i had this AU where chris turns into a villain (very original...) and...actually this is my first ever AU! And so i had this whole story that...i thought would be cool.

And then, i wrote my first wild kratts AU fanfiction and would post it on insta, i thought it'll be cool and epic...but from my lack of not knowing how to write or type a story, it just sounds really fucking corny

Here is a little screenshot of one of the fanfic, and...you can see the...unprofessionalism... also something to add, this part is the first part of the story, but it doesnt show it the comic.. but the explaination for this weird...typing, is because its not really meant to be taken seriously..

Okok...this is were the comic starts, so basically months later, i had this idea of turning my AU into a comic, and asked if anyones into the idea in my insta story, most said yes so i drew the first comic pages which you can see in the first part of episode 1. I drew this for fun though, but then..it turned into my passion project.

Until mid 2023, my passion project of making the comic feels just like a project, as people asked for more it felt like i had to do it, feeling like work than something i enjoy... and so i lost my passion and "cancelled" my comic, stopping at episode 2 where the scene of martin waking up from unconsciousness starts...

BUUTTTT....then...in early 2024, i reread my "cancelled" comic, and i suddenly had this feeling to continue the comic again, even though i cancelled it. But then i realized that i just needed a big break from making the comic from the constant demands, making my project feel like work than something im passionate about..and so i created more panels to continue the martin scene, uncancelling the comic once more.. and here i am! Still creating the comic for fun!!!!

Now...here are some other stuffs and facts of my krattastrophe AU

These are old concept art of khriz and chris, now..you could see that khriz looks different, he doesnt look uncanny and just looks like...ordinary chris.

This is the very first concept art of chris in krattastrophe

Now here are sum facts or..infos

Before it was even called "Krattastrophe" i still had concept names, the first was "the primal effect", and then second, "the snowball effect", though im still unsatisfied with the names...UNTIL i had an idea, i could mix catastrophe with "kratt", creating Krattastrophe.. and i kept it ever since...grins

The fanfiction and the comics story is VASTLY different, though similiar but...different, i talked about this before but ill talk abt again CUZ I CAN...anyway in the fanfiction, there was a scene where khriz and chris hides away in an apartment after faking chris's death, however, in the comic...they never went to an apartment, but stays in zachs building. In the fanfiction, there was a scene where....chris killed a random man? Because he was a bully when he was a kid, because khriz taunted him to kill him, taking revenge...and then chris accidently eating him? ....its so edgy and full of shock value for no reason, my ass shouldnt have even wrote a single word in that story, but in the comic...it will not happen, obviously...its corny as hell LMAO

And thats all i gotta say teegeyeyeh

[dangopango00]

After Last Night

Waking up with him after a hookup

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 |

FAT/LBC men x gn reader (William Included for all my Aris out there)

CW: very suggestive, maybe dubcon?? (Mentioned that Lars and reader were both drunk in his)

A/N: waking up with cael is waking up behind bars thats croomf, groomf even 😭😭😭 im jp u dk him since ur childhood here ok this is a safe space

Edit: Alkaid rewrite 🥶🥶

more utc

LARS / LUO XIA (罗夏)

- SCENARIO: You’re in a similar or complementary industry to him and he’s had his eye on you a bit, admiring how you present yourself but you never really became too closely acquainted. One crazy night of drinking during a negotiations meeting later and two lonely busy old people get busy (30 isnt old sorry. Uncalled for)

- You wake up first; he is KNOCKED OUT

- He wakes up with the wildest bedhead normally and even moreso today. He’s drooling and sprawled out across the couch with a loose hold on your body (Just his arm slung around you as he sleeps)

- His grip on you tightens if you try to leave the couch but if you’re insistent he’ll just let you go; whine grumbles about it in his sleep

- He has work and he’s very busy so he’ll have to leave soon but he wants to make it up to you because he wasn’t being professional; he makes the effort to at least chat or have breakfast with you before leaving which you don’t mind since you’re busy as well

- He usually doesn’t do hookups since he’s busy, doesn’t want to lead anyone on and knows he’ll get attached too easily so he rlly dk what happened, he was lonely but ayayay this is a mess. He does his absolute best to make things less awkward for you

- This scenario would actually be so wild bc if you wanted to do it again while sober I don’t think he’d say no LOL as soon as you had breakfast/chatted he started to like you even more I think and remembers last night being really great so

- I don’t think he’d initiate it if you did do it again though because he feels really bad about being unprofessional but ever since that night if he ever sees you his eyes are glued to you, your body and all its curves and/or edges; he’s so distracted help him 😭😭

- It’s even worse if he’s pent up, he actually will just. Avoid you if you don’t assure him it’s alright he doesn’t want to be weird and he knows he wont be able to focus so he gets a little nervous around you from then on

ALKAID / LU CHEN (路辰）

- SCENARIO: You’re his classmate and more importantly, his film dealer. You’ve been selling him film and camera repairs for a pretty good price compared to how high the quality is from a small shop that doesn’t get too much traction because it’s more of an antique shop but you do offer more. He was usually standardly polite and short maybe with an extra question out of curiosity here and there before becoming a regular over time. You eventually started tacking on a few more comments and questions than necessary but not so many that it’s noticeable, chatting him up a bit im class as well until you started actively seeking him out, being curious about him and you two became friends. Since this is an edit I’m gonna say like Ayn, you’re probably already in a situationship by the time you hook up but unlike Ayn you haven’t kissed yet (he’d at least ask you out or vice versa before kissing i think) You were over at his apartment to study and help bathe Sparkle; just generally hang out and after a PAINFUL amount of tension building with playful comments and little touches so much so that you ended up kissing him and one thing lead to another !!

- You wake up first but likely go back to sleep and he wakes up during that time tbh. I feel like his home is cozy as hell not to mention Sparkle climbing up and cuddling with you

- He let you wear his clothes to bed since yours got messy and he noticed that you were shivering, freezing from wearing. Well. Nothing. So he let you borrow something and his entire face is red including his ears an neck, it’s quite a view— both you and him

- He ghosts his thumb over your features, his gentle touch almost unnoticeable as he notes each unique thing about you as if trying to identify different stars in the sky

- You had already cuddled up to him in your sleep and he lays in bed with you in his loose embrace for an absurd amount of time until he decides his heart has had enough and gets up to make you both breakfast, you stirring a bit in your sleep in the process

- He kept trying to find an opportunity to get up before but you clung to him so he couldn’t find it in himself to leave you gn but when he did eventually get up he just kissed the crown of your head and gently pulled your arms off of him, then laying you down

- His bed head is just his normal hair honestly and he doesn’t move too much, just snores a little bit and slightly drools

- He’s embarrassed the rest of the day, his usual charismatic persona failing on him when he needs it most and he’s a bit nervous not knowing if you’d felt the same as him or if it was just lust. Though all that is quickly nipped in the bud when you give him a kiss on the cheek and confess properly, holding his hands in yours

- Deciding he’s wasted enough time being a dork He offers to take you on your first date in a nearby cafe since it was pretty impromptu but he still says it with a helpless smile and slight blush. On this date he def took pictures and has them pinned on his wall; they’ll quickly become some of his most prized photos

CLARENCE / SI LAN (司岚）

- SCENARIO: You two went to the same high school all four years and maybe even the same middle school at some point but you never really interacted because he was busy with schoolwork and so were you so you really never felt the need to bother him. Little did you know Clarence had the biggest crush on you since you met and after being acquainted through the student council you became friends. Upon growing closer and some worrying about how little he relaxes later and you mayyy have accidentally made out with him a little in the council room after hours 🥺 then took it back to your apartment 🥺🥺 and ended up sleeping together 🥺🥺🥺

- He wakes up first and just stares at the ceiling. how did this happen oh my god. Not in a bad way but oh my GOD. -Clarence

- He’s so embarrassed by last night especially with his own behavior. Just remembering the sounds he made and the words he said has him reeling; he must’ve told you he loved you 100,000 times

- he just stays completely still hoping you’re still asleep and once you wake up he shuts his eyes so fast kind of trying to pretend to be asleep but with how tightly his eyes and lips are shut you know he’s awake

- You give him a little kiss on his eyelids and lips and he knows he’s caught; he blushes but then kind of just lets a small exasperated smile wash over his face; he really doesn’t know what to do

- His bedhead is basically the same as his normal but more messy around the bangs also he snores a tiny bit but thats pretty much it

- He’s pretty happy and normal when he isn’t thinking about the specifics of last night’s events

- He even goes ahead and makes breakfast for you and him as well as his cats (they’re probably the ones who woke yall up lol)

- He doesn’t do hook ups and he’s liked you so long so he reaalllly realllllllllyyyyy hopes you’ll consider getting to know him more and let him take you out on a couple dates because even if his hands are clammy the whole time he’d be so happy

WILLIAM / CHEN ZIHAN (陈子涵）

- SCENARIO: You two have always been best friends with no question of whether or not your feelings were platonic. Well he had no question. You on the other hand had been crushing on him for a while now but didn’t want to ruin the friendship. That was until college. He started noticing you more and your qualities: how you’ve matured and how you’re there when no one else is, so his feelings have gotten a little bit more than just platonic. He justified it as appreciation and normal friend things all the way up until you two suddenly decided to “test out” what kissing and making out would be like. Platonically of course. Since neither of you had ever been in a serious relationship. The sex part was just testing too, trust 🙏

- You wake up first but that doesn’t stop him from having an existential crisis when he wakes up

- You’re excited although a bit nervous from anticipation honestly since you already knew your feelings were not platonic but you didn’t know what he’d think so instead of worrying you just poke his face and admire him sleeping

- His bedhead is crazy, some of his hair sticks up and he has a pool of drool under him. He snores too— finally getting to release his feelings has him K.Od it was tew good

- You go to make breakfast or shower or something and he’d probably wake up during that time bc he doesn’t feel your warmth anymore

- Like Clarence, Liam wakes up perplexed and embarrassed and he’s worried he may have crossed a line doing what he did last night since you were supposed to be just friends! He’s freaking out so bad! come back he needs reassurance 😭

- When you get back he’s so apologetic and is just so nervous around you until you broach the subject, reassuring him that you don’t mind what happened

- After you sort out your thoughts on what happened and have a loooong talk about it you’re pretty much back to being normal and you even hang out for a bit longer, watching some movies and baking together although he does still blush and fumble his words around you a little

- He’s scared to tell you he would rather be yours than be your fwb (friend with benefits) bc this is his first hookup but considering he’s been your best friend and crush for so long you feel the same way so you end up dating pretty soon after

[voiceofsword]

also!! i really loved your crazyB at a fanmeeting thoughts with the little doodles.. how do you think they’d interact with fans online tho. do you think they would have official crazyB social media accounts and if so is it run by cospro mangement or crazyB themselves (they take turns uploading content). i think they’d definitely know about fanworks but do you think any of them would. accidentally like somebody’s fancam from the official crazyB twitter or smth

YES LMFAO once again splitting these into diff ones. i think it'd be run by cospro management usually with a few exceptions. hear me out

rinne's just straight up banned because he treats the crazyb account like his playhouse. that one edit of him tweeting gonna take my wife to pfchangs is literally him. he rts whatever he wants — rting fancams even though hes not supposed to. swearing out the ass in his replies to Anyone. criticizing ES on main. theyre lucky they dont get sued. he replies to fancams of himself like damn my ass looked good as hell here and immediately gets a phone call from ibara like "i want you at the es building right now immediately."

niki's abt what you would expect — like rinne he'd also treat it like his personal account but more innocent. he spams the feed with food pics, but is hardly ever online to begin with so he doesn't really interact with fans or other tweets unless they happen to be at the exact time he gets on his phone. i think he'd be a lot like his va who basically just posts pics of food he's made with business scattered in between skjfhj

himeru is kind of self explanatory he's good at reading people offline but stan twitter is actually insane i dont know how well hed cope with that. he has a hard enough time with rinne and niki being the way they are now imagine going online and seeing people that are just as unhinged if not more. he tries to make conversation with fans as best as he can and like he Understands internet lingo but cannot stand it so like 5 hours in he's like ok goodnight himeru's had enough. he's too old for this

and finally kohaku is probably the one thats allowed on there the most and does the best job because he has years of being on idol forums and social media under his belt. he probably finds it really fun and likes talking to fans this way more than irl bc hes more familiar with it (especially when compared to the other 3). he's not exactly unprofessional but definitely gives vibes of a more casual social media manager bc he does posts memes, selfies with the other bees occasionally, and replies to basically anything!! it actually shocks the rest of them bc hes far more casual online than he usually is

[jsprnt]

Healing Hearts PT.3 | Virgil van Dijk

Would a fresh start bring you more than just a new job?

A/N: Hey loves! Thank you for the love. Here’s part three. Let me know if you enjoyed <3

WC: 3.608

Summary: Y/N L/N is a very skilled and praised physiotherapist. A certain event pushing her for a fresh start, as a physiotherapist for Liverpool FC. One question always being in the back of her mind: Will she be able to let go of her past and allow herself to experience new things?

I shove a spoonful of vanilla ice cream in my mouth, contemplating while looking at my screen. "No, you would literally suffocate in that, especially in the club. It's like- twenty-five degrees Celsius over there?!" I exclaim, inspecting the dress, shoveling another scoop out of the tub. "It does look good on her though." Jul chimes in. "Do you have anything with an open back? What about the dress you just got?" Priya suggests. 

Monet had called all five of us for an 'emergency FaceTime', something about a cute new bartender working at the club she usually frequents. "Is the guy even cute?" Liz asks. I raise a brow, that girl had- let's say interesting taste. "He's an absolute snack. I'm telling you guys, he has the most gorgeous eyes, an he's like 190 cm tall and his tatts are so-" My thoughts wander at her descriptions of the man, that doesn't sound bad?

"y/n? Bitch, are you even listening?" I widen my eyes as I hear my name being called by Monet. "Hm what did you say?" I look back at my screen, all of the girls staring, with weird grins. "Why are you all looking at me like that. Guys? You're freaking me out." "What is our lovely y/n thinking about?~" I hear Liz say. "Nothing just occupied with work." I dismiss. "So what dress are you going to wear hm?" I decide to redirect the attention back to Monet. "Rightt~" She mumbles, before she starts rambling on about the dress again. 

We finally come to a conclusion, as we continue chatting. "So y/n any eye candy yet?" I look at Jul, her voice teasing. I stare at the screen for a moment, interrupted before I can utter a word. "Ohh someone cute must've caught her eye. Tell us, who's the babe? Another staff member? Oh my god! A player?" Liz gasps. "The wag life is screaming your name right now."

They all start talking at once. The most I can make out being 'which player?' and a way too enthusiastic 'finally!'

"Hold on, hold on- I didn't say anything yet!" I try to calm them down. "Tell us, are there cute guys?" They insist. I sigh. "Of course they're cute! There professional footballers, some of them are bound to be cute!" I blurt. I raise my hand in a stop motion before any of them can utter a single word further. "No, I can't date them thats super unprofessional. Besides, I just got out of a five year long relationship, can't a girl just be single for a while?"

They look at me for a moment, Priya breaks the silence. "You've never gotten so defensive before? There must be someone you think is cute~" I sigh, they'll never let it go, not now at least. I was the youngest of the friend group by only one year. Though, they loved teasing me like I was way younger than them. 

I open my mouth ready to protest before I'm distracted by two messages popping on my screen. I furrow my eyebrows, confused.  "What is it?" I hear Priya say. "Hold on-" I read the messages carefully. 'You've been added to a group chat named: LFC Staff'' and a 'You've been added to a group chat named: LFC'

"Oh right he told me that-" I mumble

"Who told you what?" The girls ask in unison.  I inspect the group chat members for a second, returning back to the call. My eyes wandering to the profile pictures. 

"They added me to the club group chats." I shrug.  "Really! Can you send me Trent's digits? He's cute~" I give Monet a 'what the hell are you talking about?' look. "You know I can't. Besides aren't you literally getting ready to see the bartender guy?!" I half yell, this girl was playing way too much. 

"Yeah, but I'd like to keep my options open alright?" I stare at my screen, before we all burst out in laughter. "You can't blame her." Jul chimes in. 

I yawn, checking the time '21:57' it read. We all catch up some more before we hang up. I get up to throw out the empty ice cream tub. 

My attention is directed back to the group chat. Surprisingly, most of the guys had profile pictures. I click on some of them, inspecting them a little. Coming across Virgil's. It's not a picture related to football at all, unlike the other guys. Just him sitting at a outdoor cafe with a beer. His sunglasses placed on his head. His muscular arms are visible due to the black T-shirt he was wearing, his tattoo- hold on what am I doing?

I exit the app, closing my tabs before turning my phone off. I need to stop before I start thinking crazy shit. I can't be doing that, right?

I walk into the bathroom, realizing my face looked a little flushed. I try to get myself together by doing my night skincare routine and brushing my teeth. 

I walk back into my room, setting my alarm quickly before throwing myself onto my bed. I sigh at the sensation of my soft bed. The soft covers lulling me into a slumber. 

I double check the progress reports, making sure everything is fully up to date. So we can send them to the physios of the national teams just in time for the national break. I lean back in my office chair, looking out of the window at the training pitch for a second before focusing again. Everyone had been doing fine physically so far, no serious injuries thankfully. The occasional players walking into my office for some uncomfortable or tense feelings in their muscles. 

It had been about four days since I started, though it already felt like home. The team had been getting ready for the match against Bournemouth, every training day getting more intensive. 

I had also been introduced to another fellow physiotherapist, Dr. Davis or James as he insisted I call him. He hadn't been here my first days since he was on paternity leave as he was just blessed with a baby girl. 

I already knew of his existence. When I applied for this job the description had stated that I'd most likely have to be in de medical room during matches, due to the club already having two physios with a lot of experience on the pitch. I was fine with that, this also was the case at Barcelona. Though, it didn't take them long to realize how good I was so they would make me work on the pitch after a while. 

I save a players report, clicking onto the next one before a knock on my office door diverts my attention. "Come in!" I semi-yell, before being confronted by an anxious looking Virgil. 

I raise my eyebrows in surprise, this didn't look good. "Hey, what's wrong?" I get up approaching him at the door. 

"Hey, sorry to interrupt. We're training and my calf feels pretty tense-" I interrupt him before he starts apologizing again. "Don't apologize! it's my job, remember?" I guide him to the treatment table, he sits there, spreading out his long athletic legs in-front of him. 

I put on my gloves, grabbing some massage oil.  "Your calf you said?" I ask inspecting his leg.  "Yeah, just felt weird I'm sure it's nothing bad but I still wanted to see you. Dr. Woods has his hands full already." He says.  "Smart choice." I say, a smile on my lips.  We make eye contact for a split second. I don't know what came over me, but that made me feel.. Weird? It felt strangely- comforting? 

I mentally shake my thoughts away before I spread the oil on his calf. I massage his calf for a couple of minutes making sure to relieve the tense feeling. 

I take some tissues before wiping away the excess oil on his leg. I raise my head to look at him again. Surprisingly, I find him staring back at me already. He definitely had a staring problem. 

I clear my throat before speaking. "The tense feeling is probably gone. Let me know if you're experiencing any other pain." I smile. 

I take of my gloves discarding them as he gets off the treatment table easily. I turn back around to find his tall, muscular frame towering over me.  He gives me a smile before speaking.  "Thank you doctor, I appreciate it. See you." He says before winking and walking out of my office. I freeze as he turns around, quickly mumbling a small 'bye' as he leaves. 

Oh my god, why the hell is my heart beating so fast? I can't be doing this right now. Not this early. This is the first time I've been single since the age of twenty-one and it has me acting insane. 

I shake my head as if to get rid of my racing thoughts. Sitting back on my chair, trying to finish checking the remaining progress reports. 

I walk out of my office, deciding to walk out to the training pitches. I greet the staff as I walk past them in the hallways. Finally, stepping foot outside and greeting both Dr. Woods and Dr. Davis as the players are training next to them. 

The three of us are engrossed in a conversation, talking about the progress reports and any issues with the players conditions. 

We're speaking for a while, it's like our surroundings were blurred for a minute. 

But, before I could even register anything, a painful feeling washes over my face. My nose stinging with a seething pain, and before I'm even aware of it, blood starts pouring out of it. Staining my scrubs. 

My hands fly up to my nose, my eyes widening in surprise along with my eyebrows furrowing. I gasp, being totally in shock. Both of the physios staring at me appalled for a moment then back at the direction the ball came from. A very shocked and guilty looking Virgil staring back at us, along with other players he was training a 11 v 11 with. 

Dr. Woods moves quickly, immediately grabbing some gauze and handing it to me. My gazes averts to his hand, grabbing the gauze and holding it up to my nose. Pinching my nose bridge tightly. 

The man guilty of it all runs up to me, apologizing profusely. I look at him, he actually looks like his eyes are going to pop out of his head soon. If I wasn't bleeding out I would've laughed at his expression. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I repeat, as Dr. Woods suggests I wash my face with some cold water. Virgil nods immediately. "I'll take you." 

He pries my hands away from the gauze holding it up himself as he leads me back into the building, practically dragging me by my arm. I sigh, this really had to happen to me. This felt like high school PE again, well- apart from the perpetrator not being a stinky popular teenage boy. 

He walks me into the med room, turning on the sink. My hands fly up as I lean forward to wash my nose and the blood off of my face. But, I'm stopped by a determined sounding voice and a hand holding my jaw as the other on holds the gauze up to my impacted nose. "I'll do it, I'm sorry." He says, slowly letting go of the gauze and setting it aside. Grabbing a handful of water and bringing it up to my upper lips and forehead, repeating this until the blood flow had stopped fully. The sensation of his fingers hovering above my lip sending shivers down my spine.

I stand up straight again, as he hands me some tissues to dry my face. Thankfully, I had only worn sunscreen today, due to waking up later than planned. I glance at him, he still looked insanely guilty.

"y/n I'm so sorry- I was way to invested in training and the ball just-" I interrupt before he can say anything else. 

"It's fine I promise, I should've payed more attention to my surroundings. Bedside you'll pay for my nose job, right? I loved my nose." I joke, trying to lighten up the mood. 

A small smile creeps onto his lips, his eyes lighting up slightly. "Sure, I'd do anything." I inspect my nose in the mirror, nothing seems to look off. "You're safe, it doesn't look bad. Promise you'll work on your aim?"

We chuckle, before walking back to the pitch. I'm still holding some tissue up to my nose, just in case. Some players look at us, before they start teasing him. 

"Look at our captain, hurting our precious physio! You're so cruel." We hear Robbo shout. As Joel playfully slaps Virgil's back. 

"It's fine!" I shout, a little nasally due to the tissues I'm holding, blocking my nose bridge.   "He said he'd pay for my nose job so we're in the clear." I laugh, glancing at him. 

I see Dr. Woods walk up to me, as he tells me to let go of the tissue to inspect my nose. I do as he tells me, he sighs relieved before telling me my nose is fine. I glimpse at Virgil again, finding him already staring at my face. A unknown look in his eyes. My trance is interrupted by a concerned looking Klopp. 

"Does it look bad?" He asks Dr. Woods, before he gets reassured. Klopp turns towards Virgil, a semi-scolding look on his face. "Pay attention next time yeah?" He doesn't seem to be angry as he smiles at him, patting his shoulder. "I will big boss." He smiles back, the mood being way lighter than before. 

I'm told by both Dr. Woods and Dr. Davis it's best to go back to my office. The sun wouldn't be doing good for my sensitive nose. I walk back to my office, sitting onto my chair again. I shouldn't have never gone out to the pitch, I huff. 

I look outside of my office again, the pitch being on clear display as I can see the guys train.  I can't help but let my thoughts wander again, the feeling of his fingers on my lips and face, washing a strange feeling over me. Making my heart beat a little faster...

I walk out of my office as training ends and the players don't need any help. I make my way into the changing room, putting my clothes on again as I discard my bloody scrubs. 

Todays outfit was a midi-skirt and a cropped top, to accommodate the sunny weather. I grab my bag, leaving the changing room and walking up to Clara at the reception to chat a little bit. We had grown closer since I started working here. I had also found out we were similar in age. 

"Heard you got hurt?" She says, a slightly concerned look on her face. "How did you know? I did, but I'm fine really." I reassure her.  "Well I heard it from other staff. Something about Virgil taking care of you?" My face flushes slightly at her choice of words. "Yeah, he made my nose bleed so he helped. That's all." I say. 

We're interrupted by the loud chatter of the players walking out of their locker room. We turn our heads seeing Trent, Darwin, Robbo and Dominik speaking to each other. They walk up to the reception, asking me if I'm really fine. I reassure them again, telling them I'm fine. 

"Let the Captain make it up to you." Trent says, a smile on his lips. "Huh? what do you mean?" My question is answered by Dominik. "He feels bad since he hurt you." I open my mouth to respond before being greeted by the sight of Virgil. He walks up to us, greeting Clara and me. The guys walk out soon after bidding us goodbye and I'm left alone with Clara and Virgil.

I check my watch, before telling them I'll have to go. I didn't have any place to be as I just wanted to be home. "Oh yeah me too, I'll walk out with you." He suggests. I give Clara a hug before I turn around, not missing the wink she gives me. What did she mean with that? 

We both walk out into the parking lot, as we both walk up to our cars. "Your nose is fine right?" He says. "Yeah completely fine. You don't have to worry anymore." I say. 

"Let me make it up to you. Let's have dinner sometime, my treat." He suggest. I raise my eyebrows. That doesn't sound too bad, besides who would deny a free dinner (with a cute guy)? 

"Sure. Text me when?" I say, he already had my number since we both were in the group chat. "I will, see you tomorrow doctor." My heart leaps at the thought of having dinner with him. Would that be a date?

We both step into our cars as we leave to go back home. I'm driving back home as my phone starts rigging. Cutting off the loud music coming from the speakers. I keep my eyes on the road before glancing at the number. It wasn't one I saved. Though, I did recognize. It's was him. I hesitate, my brain having an internal argument, my finger hovering over the accept button. No, I can't just accept his call. I can't forgive him. I should just forget him, and he should forget me. I click the decline button. Sighing in relief. This is going to be difficult. 

I'm sitting in the canteen, munching on my food as I'm scrolling through Instagram. Catching up with what my friends and people I knew posted. I like Priyas new post, commenting on it about five times, practically screaming at her about how good she looked. I sigh, maybe I should've just went back home after Barcelona. I missed my girls. 

"What's wrong doctor?" I recognize the voice, it's Mo. I look up, seeing the guys place their trays on my table. Some players in their own world as I can see them tease and banter with each other. Me and Mo hadn't had many conversations yet, though from the few we did have I already knew that he was super kind. 

"Nothing, just missing home and my friends." I say, picking at my leftover vegetables. "Oh- I get that, I also miss my home all the time." He says, relating to me."Well at least I'm not only one I guess." I say before I'm interrupted by Darwin. "We all miss home even though we live here." he tries to reassure me in Spanish, giving me a kind smile. I give him a smile back, man these guys were nice. 

The topic of conversation gets totally changed as hear the other guys talk about the national matches coming up. I look down at my food again, picking at my potatoes before eating them. 

"y/n you won't be off then, right?" I glance at Joe, shallowing my food down. I shake my head. "No, I'll stay here. I was told players here mights still need me, so I decided to not take time off then." He hums in acknowledgment. 

"You'll support us though right?" I hear Cody say, his Dutch accent making me remember home. I place my hand on my chest in a flattered motion. "Of course, I loved watching the Dutch games in the stadium. Watching it from here will be fun as well."

"You've gone to our national matches?" Virgil asks. "Yeah, Frenkie and Memphis always invited me to go and watch them. Since I got super close with them. I just went with my friends." I shrug, referring to the players back in Spain. 

The table erupts with small 'ohh's. I take another bite of my food. The table continues chatting about different topics, but I can't help but feel someone staring at me across the table. I glance back, my eyes meeting with Virgil's brown ones. 

They were insanely beautiful. I find myself struggling with looking away from them as they practicality make me want to melt at the sight. I clear my throat quietly before looking away. 

I walk back to my office after lunch. Making sure I finish my paperwork in time to greet our new transfer: Wataru Endo. 

I walk down into the medical assessment room and knock on the door as I hear a 'come in'. I'm greeted by the new transfer and Dr. Davis.  

"Hi, I'm y/n. One of the physiotherapists. Welcome to our club." I give him a kind smile as we shake hands and he greets me back. I discuss some things with Dr. Davis as we continue Wataru's assessment. Though, we're interrupted by a exited Mo, who walks in to greet the new transfer. He greets us as well, before telling Wataru he is in good hands. We all chuckle, finishing up the assessment an hour later. 

I get home tired. Sighing as I finally can take off my shoes and wash off my make up.

I jump into my bed, checking my phone for any messages I had missed. I read the messages the girls had sent in our group chat, responding to them. Scrolling back down to check my earliest notifications. I furrow my eyebrow as I see four missed calls. Obviously it's him again. I click on the number to block him, hoping he'll just stop bothering me...

[cloudcountry]

Okay but re: the Vil post

I agree but I get why he gets characterized like that

1. He clearly holds strong to some restrictive beauty standards (though to be fair we really only see them directed at himself. Not to get on my “Vil has an ED” soapbox but I mean. *gestures to his labwear vignette*)

2. We’ve seen him hold Epel to a bullshit standard (the fucking accent thing it pisses me off because that’s my dialect too and there’s nothing unprofessional about it! “There’s a time and place for hometown pride” he shouldn’t have to force an accent it’s totally bullshit and considering the stigma around southern accents is based in classism and racism it’s all kinds of fucked up. I know that it’s an en translation thing and in jp it’s mainly about his lack of manners/honorifics but most of these are coming from en only players and even when you do know better it’s hard to get over the feelings)

Like he isn’t actually like that but I get the feeling of it

personally i dont understand why people characterize him like that. i think its a blatant misunderstanding because they think hes a bully (which he isnt.) but literally his beauty standards that are WAY too harsh are only for him which is because he strives for perfection. he just wants everyone else to do their absolute best and HATES it when they waste their potential.

ive also seen people call him fatphobic, classist, racist, ablelist, etc and im like ???? where the hell are you people getting this from??? did we read the same thing????? its like the fandom is throwing around words to justify hating him. its weird.

i know the accent thing is a touchy subject and honestly i hated him for a while because of that too, but i feel like we as a fandom need to hate the WRITERS for that and not vil. he literally just wanted epel to stop using crude language and the translation fucked that up. its the writer's fault, not vil's character. i do see where youre coming from though because at the end of day, no matter how stupid the translation was, vil being rude about epel's accent is part of eng server canon.

also i get that!! idia pushes every single one of my anger buttons and i hate him so much but a good chunk of my moots love him to death and thats great for them. someone has to (im JOKING IM JOKING)

[lilisouless]

Okay, like everyone i have some opinions on this dresses

Alina

-I honestly don't like the shape, but i tried to give it the benefit of the doubt because maybe it was some russian inspired gown- Apparently is not, i googled "russian royalty" and most of them look like this

So, i think something like that that one would be a better fit, maybe not that long , it`s even the same colors which are the things i did like about the dress

I think most of us agree with that....but the following things are probably very unpopular opinions. Just remember i don't know anything about costume design, i am just someone that likes looking at clothing

Okay

Genya

First of all i actually like the details that Zoya has grey metalic touches while Genya has white pearls, i think it fits both them and the actresses

A general opinion i share is that i am not a fan of the greenish blue color they put her in, an opinion i probably don't share is that they should have put her in red because it`s her color. Don't get me wrong, i would love to see peopel editing the gown to make it red or any other color, is just that

they are not in uniform, they don't have to wear the same color everytime and here they are not going as soldiers but as Alina´s companion, this will be the excuse to put the actresses on something different and i think thats okay. Hell, Alina is put on diferent colors the whole show

Jewel tones are very attention calling and in this case it´s Alina´s special event so i don't mind Genya and Zoya´s dress colors to be less striking

Sidenote but making it red would make David´s ruby blend instead of pop up

So, i kept thinking on what color would i put her instead, i think maybe a light blue given Daisy Head´s eyes. Not a dark like Alina´s or a royal like Zoya normally has on uniform , but the shade of the left picture , maybe even paler (only taking color in consideration here, on shape i think the originals are fine) it also wouldn't class with Genya´s hair color

Zoya

Given what i listed above, you probably figured out already i am going to say the forbiden stuff: i don't mind that Zoya is not wearing blue, all i said before applies to Zoya too.

Is true that if any of us would had been in charge of the costume design we would put her on blue without a second thought, and of course i enjoy that edit of the blue gown because is probably how she would look as a future queen.

But my problem is not that she was not wearing blue, for the reasons listed on Genya´s,it was that that shade of pink they choose is quite unflatering and doesn't seem to fit her character at all, probably not a pale color like Genya above.

If Zoya had to wear a color thats not blue i would be inclined for some on a similar tint. The jacket Zoya wore to Shu Han was very close to green so for the royal ceremony i would go for the other side of the blue , so i picked purple a very similar one than the one on the first picture or something darker like have the dress be actually the color when we first thought Zoya´s kefta was going to be purple but turned out to be bad lighting

Again, this are just my unprofessional opinions and some alternatives i wanted to share

[strykingback]

What's your opinion on RWBY: Ice Queendom? Did you like it, hate it, or in-between? What're some things in the anime you would fix if given the chance?

Okay this is a really good question that I can answer. So my answer is its in-between. But I'll keep it short and simple with Pros and Cons and what I would change with it.

Pros:

Very SOLID animation done by Studio Shaft, until the end...

I'm pretty much a fan of Ruby's, Weiss' Design and Yangs designs in the nightmare. Minus Blakes design and her Nightmare design.

The fact that it kind of adds onto Volume 1 and a bit of Volume 2 in its own way which is solid in my opinion.

WE ACTUALLY SEE WEISS BEING A FUCKING RACIST FOR ONCE. Which is why "Show and Don't Tell" always is better than just having to sit here and be told about it!

Just the Nightmare Grimm alone is such a good and an interesting concept for a Grimm! Makes it even better when its a twisted play on the Boogeyman.

HOLY HELL, THEY MADE BLAKE SO SO SO MUCH BETTERIN THIS THAN IN CANON. CAUSE FUCKING HELL SHE IS SO DAMN ANNOYING NOW.

Cons:

Rooster Teeth being Rooster Teeth... as always. By dancing around the subject whether if its canon divergent or if its canon. JUST ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION!

Y'know it confounds me why Arryn Zech was not kicked off the project by Rooster Teeth and Studio Shaft after multiple abuse allegations of her abusing a dude, her trying to stir up stuff with the director about abuse allegations that was settled in court......SEVEN YEARS AGO, and lastly just overall being incredibly unprofessional.

I wish this was Weiss focused I really REALLY Fucking Do. Since this would lead to her understanding about the faunus and more. Thus answering the question on how she starts to become relaxed on the faunus and starts to help them more alongside Blake.

Blakes design alone is just down-right terrible. Even worse with her Nightmare design. Just make her look like Adam give her a DAMN suit. The only saving grace is the nightmare variant of Gambol Shroud!

Another thing is why did they have to SKIP through SO MUCH. Like we didnt even get to see the team see Weiss with her nightmare scars. They just knew and realized they had to jump in and go balls to the walls.

Lastly. Don't watch the dub. THE DUB IS HORRIBLY BAD.

Why the fuck was Jaune included in this......once again. Fucking RT being RT.

Things I would change:

Make it more Weiss focused rather than on the team

Change up Blakes and Nightmare!Blake's design

KEEP JAUNE OUT OF THE FUCKING STORY DAMN IT

No Skipping the plot-relevant stuff and especially for a good chunk of the Vol.1 stuff since thats important as well!

And maybe... just maybe. The Nightmare Grimm creating an alternate reality sort of situation not inside Weiss but outside and such.

[wolvertooth]

my fiancée and I often say you can tell which writers liked sabes vs. those who didn’t just by how he’s written. Personally I like the sabes that’s overconfident and genuinely acts like a slick mf just bc I feel like when he’s written like that he feels more like a complex character.

YEAH THAT’S THE COMIC!! no but fr it’s sad as hell, like I love the art and the story but gd I’m a baby and can’t handle angst.

(I am also a huge fan of the more monster-esque looking sabes and I hope you don’t mind me spamming your inbox orz)

DW ABT SPAMMING MY INBOX I LOVVVEEE TALKING ABT VIC<3

yea!!! he’s always been different from most villains, having a witty sense of humor + making popculture references + generally not taking most things seriously(but he’ll still get the job done regardless. professional in work, unprofessional in speech lol). he’s more on the side of a deadpool type character, being a merc n all, and the big ‘villain plans’ he does are ones towards wolverine, and a lot of the time those are just for personal reasons rather than for just being evil for evils sake. thats why the whole inverted arc + exiles series feel so natural to me, since it makes sense for his character to lead into being more of an antihero(yknow, until they reverted him back to normal for some god awful reason….why couldnt he have gotten the deadpool treatment man come on v_v)

even tho its always super sad to see him in angsty situations, those comics are important in proving that he does have emotions too. always has, probably always will, despite all the shit that he’s gone thru. which ig makes it worse for him, since it anyone he cares about doesnt usually get a good ending…its something he shares with logan, where their characters are never allowed to love or be loved without consequence. which is also probably the reason im so attached to the concept of them being together, since they cant really be hurt or ever really die, and wouldnt ever have to worry about that ever again :,)

[feralmoonlight]

Oh god I'm hooked even more djdjdj

That does bring into question Y/N's temperment which is very fun. And that what I'm curious about.

Yes- anxiety does fuck with people (speaking from experience 😭) my curiosity lies in how Y/N might not realize immediately the power going off since they are doing a commission. And I understand that you don't always have voice calls but if they do commercial commissions (as in characters for companies) they would have to have gone on zoom calls. My wonder is if it's first panic then into perfessional tone bc Y/N doesn't want to show fear in front of their new buddy??

Power going out during a commission session just gave me PTSD from my old laptop that's battery was nonexistent and that'd mean anything unsaved is just GONE. My miserable ass would be so pissed cause when I got into a real groove of working on things I would just... Realize I lost the WHOLE thing. And if I wanna make YN's life hell, THEY GET 'THE BRICK' to deal with. A glorified paperweight with a finicky power port and a battery that may as well not even be attached, probably duck taped in there just to pretend it isn't an actual piece of junk. As a stay at home hermit, the dark itself isn't so much of an inconvenience, and in fact keeping the lights off as much as possible in the house helps save on money so the darkness is like a warm friend. MMM But the idea of the zoom call, the panic as soon as the call is lost, realizing second that the work was lost, would have them frustrated as all fuck But ah, if the zoom wasn't on the computer itself, maybe running through their phone instead so there's this tiny screen of light illuminating the now dark room, panicking internally while trying to explain why the stream feed to the drawing went dead... And remembering that Sun doesn't like the dark for some reason. Reaching out to pat him on the shoulder maybe? Still talking down the now annoyed client, while you try and explain that...probably a few hours of work are now gone because YOU hadn't saved recently. WHY didn't you have an auto save function?? It causes lag every time it does, which makes you have to redo linework or take pauses constantly. Then why not manually save? It messes with your flow, and when you get really into working on something you just tunnel. Well it's very unprofessional, so those lost hours wont be paid for. Thats annoying but understandable you guess... as much as you don't want to agree with it at the moment theres something off. Sun's being particularly quiet, and you're getting concerned now that he's worse off than just scared of the dark. Another pat turns into rubbing his back to let him know you're still right behind him, cause he seems to like physical contact (even if you're not a huge fan yet) -- But he shifts away. THAT is strange. The call goes dark as the client closes their end leaving you in almost full blackness aside from an outside light that's still lit (on a different grid you guess) and this odd red glow that's reflecting two hazy dots back from where you know the TV screen is. The next voice you hear is definitely NOT Sun, and the anxiety and worry you were feeling for Sun has shifted int a more pure fear of the unknown. Something is very wrong as you can hear the 'bot shift and stand up to his full height, almost reaching the ceiling. The only reason you know this is his head has turned towards you, the barest outline lacking the sun rays, as two red beads stare down at where you're still curled, frozen on the couch like a deer in headlights. The thought to run floats through your mind but doesn't get farther than that. That stare has you pinned. Maybe if you don't move, he can't see you. You know... Like a T-Rex.

[brigatebajor]

so in my university you can do this neat thing that lets you display your chosen name on the uni's internal channels like uni email, website profile, myuni app, anything as long as it isnt an official legal document like your graduation certificate. so. after four years and with merely one year left of uni (<- me when i lie and severely overestimate my ability to take one years worth of exams in three months) i am doing this thing right cause im going to therapy and learning that i do not have to hide and cower in shame and beg for peoples forgiveness just for existing, you know how it is. right.

so my uni's website is a black hole hostile to any kind of intelligent life form which means that the steps needed in order to Activate this thing are a total fucking mystery. so i ask the Uni** Trans Council and they tell me to go ask this one professor whos basically in charge of the whole thing, which is a pretty normal occurrence in my university bc my university is held together by a pack of toothpicks and a bestemmia. so i have no choice but to email the man and ask him to help me navigate the dark seas of bureaucracy.

(picard voice) now gentlefags. idk how many emails yall have sent in your lives but i have sent one too many emails to uni professors alright. i have trained reflexes. i open up a gmail tab and my fingers are already instinctively typing Gentile Professore. i have completely lost the ability to write an email that doesnt end in Ringraziandola Per La Cortese Attenzione Le Porgo Cordiali Saluti. but this is different. this is me, a humble idiot, going to this guys house and kneeling on his doorstep begging for help, so virtually not that different from what im usually emailing professors for, but this time i can actually CHOOSE. how i sign the email.

i have two options: i either have to sign my email with my deadname, or with my chosen name. not as easy as it sounds.

my deadname is the obvious professional option, bc it's the name thats displayed in my email, the name youll find on the university records, the name youll find on my id. im obviously sick to all hell and back of having to actually SPELL my birth name like write it down myself as opposed to having to hear it passively from all over, which is not as bad as youd think if you dissociate enough, but writing it? thats the ultimate humiliation isnt it? so obviously id want to avoid doing that, but theres also the added factor of sounding kinda stupid - hi, i want a different name displayed on my stuff, but im not gonna tell you that name! hehe :3

on the other hand, though, theres that part of me with the autocompleted signature in the back of my brain that stops me short of just fucking writing "sam" on the email like a normal person. perhaps it's the part of me that says "like the dog in i am legend" when the barista asks me to repeat my name for the third time at pedros (we dont have starbucks here so we had to make our own brand). in any case, i just cant help but perceiving my own chosen name, the one that i am LITERALLY formally asking to have displayed on my account, as something thats a tad too silly to reveal to Any Public Figure. which is ironic bc bestie clearly that therapy is Not working

and btw, no, there is no third option. bc its a formal email and my uni survival instincts would rather stop the nerves in my hands from working before they let me send an unsigned email (unprofessional! youre gonna fail every exam if you do <- REAL innegociable truth of the universe), so my only choice is to die as a hero and never graduate again (because this is OBVIOUSLY what would happen if i broke the unspoken rules of a professional email to a professor whos not even part of my course), or live as a clown and deadname myself (which im used to, cause i Am a clown).

anyway so this is the story of how ive been staring at the unsigned email on my puter for the past five hours. how have yall been doing

[the-sunroom-system]

sometimes i think about how my old therapist randomly revealed to me how abusive my parents were

but the way she agreed i had bpd during our very first session shouldve been a red flag i think

i liked her but it was so unprofessional to drop a trauma realization onto someone in retrospect

things have been hell since then. i wasnt ready to know. i was in denial for a reason. all it did was shatter a veil that was there to protect me and make me really angry and prone to acting out which obv caused more trauma.

i guess thats why i dissociated so hard during our sessions i couldnt speak and forgot everything by the time i walked out the door. someone wasnt letting me speak i assume. and then i was for some reason too stubborn to write down what i wanted to say for the next session? so id spend our 45 minutes sitting there zoned out blinking constantly bc my vision was blurring and i kept trying to ground myself.

thats why she told me to stop seeing her bc i dissociated way harder than any of her other patients lol at least she recognized she wasnt equipped to deal with that severe level of dissociation. part of me worried i was faking the dissociation because i didnt try too hard to fight it. but i at least know i couldnt have possibly faked the inability to remember things.