#thats literally what you want to do.
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soooooo. fable lying to ic about knowing what the reaver can do, huh?
#“it can remove immortality but perhaps it could have other uses as well” dude. fable. *fable*#you told ven a bit ago this exactly - “If embedded for a duration#it can pull godly energy from someone.“#you know for a fact it can do other thing#“but i worry id remove the god power entirely” no you don't. *no you dont*#thats literally what you want to do.#many you. mmmmmm /pos#vod wathcing to collect thoughts for the analysis post is going great guys :)))#i am. not even 5 minutes into (the lore part of) this vod-#thoughts and feelings man /pos#icarus morningstar#sherbertquake56#fable smp#fsmp#a tag to help find my own posts
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Patience and responsibility....that's a promise....right?
Part 27 First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
An exorcism? In my family-friendly Deltarune? It's more likely than you may think. The backgrounds here were very interesting! Much more complex than how I usually do them (especially that computer).
Player POV:
Feral energy.
#Syke! Chara has no idea how to do sh*t with Exorcisms#in a society where it's literally seen as a blessing of some kind. It is seen as unethical! Your hurting the silly little guy :(#Why is Azzy so hesitant with this festival??#WHAT THE HECK IS THE ANGELS LANDING DAY??? Azzy get over here-#without a soul?.....I dont know any creatures like that....plants maybe?#That is totally a knock off Mario cart and not a png I found online. DO NOT LOOK INTO THIS#Salt!? owo hehehe#I was very iffy on how much light I wanted here. I kept layering the darkness lmaoo. They kept the lights low in case Toriel woke up.#can you spot the everyman? ;)#hmm your not supposed to be able to read the computer....but I may make an update so people can actually see it?? I hate to leave it grainy#but im a little tired so thats maybe for tomorrow!#thank you all again for waiting so long!#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune chara timeline comic#bread#art#my art#chara#asriel#kris#susie
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Learn from who? Learn from you?
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit#OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros#and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember#ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene#and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc#the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won
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so sick and tired of the “jedi are an evil and abusive cult that steals children” as if half the reason they weren’t protecting these children is bc sith were out killing them or TURNING THEM INTO SITH. they weren’t even STEALING children to begin with I thought we all knew that was Palpatine’s game not Yoda’s.
#i hate star wars fans i truly do#they wanna pick apart the jedi like of course there are mistakes and wrong doings#bUT THE SITH ARE RIGHT THERE#trying to build the narrative that anakin was abused by the jedi is absolutely crazy when his actions and thoughts were all his own#and GROOMED by palpatine#the only reason people want to pin them as bad people is because yoda could call out anakin’s bad behavior#that and they didnt promote him to master right away because oh im the chosen one i should be#like you need to PROVE you are the chosen one and that you WILL bring balance to the force and NOT DESTROY IT#THATS FHE WHOLE PROPHECY#AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THEY WERE CAREFUL WITH ANAKIN???#and then the oh well they make you supress feelings#nO#THEY#DONT#they make you surpress attachments so that if it comes DOWN to it you will save the many and not just risk it all to save the ONE#disney has done damage to the star wars community i swear#saw a tik tok comment section where they said the council is like the christian church#lost my MIND#well the jedi fit cult criteria!!#wow! star wars fans find out WHAT A GROUP OF RELIGION IS#LITERALLY ANY GROUP OF RELIGION CAN BE CALLED A CULT NOT EVERY CULT IS BAD#im sorry i cant stand it anymore#star wars#star wars tcw#auxxrat yap#jedi council#jedi#star wars legends
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oh ok so its the usual no-homo bullshit you always hear, good to know.
#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#guillermo de la cruz#nandor the relentless#nandermo#look im a reasonable guy#i dont get worked up easily and ive been around writers rooms and understand the pressures of writing a big show like wwdits#hell i even liked season 4#but this has got to be one of the most offensive bs ive read that wasnt from 2015#‘its only a small (but vocal) amount of people that actually want to see them together’#‘their love isnt ~s*xual~ they dont need to kiss its more ~profound~ than that’#‘you don’t REALLY want to see them together! (thats gross!)’#also ‘the power dynamic is ~problematic~’??? are you kidding me???#jfc its like someone literally got this out of the queerbating handbook from 2010#and like yeah i know wwdits isnt queerbating but its queerness feels more performative when it treats an actual central relationship#like its a gross kinkything only a few freaks on the internet want#instead of a legitimate plausible story that deserves exploration#nandermo should be a triumph - a victory for the characters and something the writers should be pleased with writing#not…this.#like it’s some problem pressured reluctantly upon them that needs to be carefully defused#this has left a bad taste in my mouth
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the rise of AI art isn't surprising to us. for our entire lives, the attitude towards our skills has always been - that's not a real thing. it has been consistently, repeatedly devalued.
people treat art - all forms of it - as if it could exist by accident, by rote. they don't understand how much art is in the world. someone designed your home. someone designed the sign inside of your local grocery store. when you quote a character or line from something in media, that's a line a real person wrote.
"i could do that." sure, but you didn't. there's this joke where a plumber comes over to a house and twists a single knob. charges the guy 10k. the guy, furious, asks how the hell the bill is so high. the plumber says - "turning the knob was a dollar. the knowledge is the rest of the money."
the trouble is that nobody believes artists have knowledge. that we actively study. that we work hard, beyond doing our scales and occasionally writing a poem. the trouble is that unless you are already framed in a museum or have a book on a shelf or some kind of product, you aren't really an artist. hell, because of where i post my work, i'll never be considered a poet.
the thing that makes you an artist is choice. the thing that makes all art is choice. AI art is the fetid belief that art is instead an equation. that it must answer a specific question. Even with machine learning, AI cannot make a choice the way we can - because the choices we make have always been personal, complicated. our skills cannot be confined to "prompt and execution." what we are "solving" isn't just a system of numbers - it is how we process our entire existence. it isn't just "2 and 2 is 4", it's staring hard at the numbers and making the four into an alligator. it's rearranging the letters to say ow and it is the ugly drawing we make in the margin.
at some point, you will be able to write something by feeding my work into a machine. it will be perfectly legible and even might sound like me. but a machine doesn't understand why i do these things. it can be taught preferences, habits, statistical probability. it doesn't know why certain vowels sound good to me. it doesn't know the private rules i keep. it doesn't know how to keep evolving.
"but i want something to exist that doesn't exist yet." great. i'm glad you feel creative. go ahead and pay a fucking artist for it.
this is all saying something we all already knew. the sad fucking truth: we have to die to remind you. only when we're gone do we suddenly finally fucking mean something to you. artists are not replicable. we each genuinely have a skill, talent, and process that makes us unique. and there's actual quiet power in everything we do.
#also pay plumbers more. and electricians. and other devalued occupations#idk that this makes sense#but im like#people being so fucking pleased with themselves about the fact they can ''fake'' art#n im like#sure#but what if we stop making things for you huh#what if we stop giving u this stuff anymore#what happens to ur ai art? does it keep growing? does it keep making choices?#why do u need to see us as machines?#''i want X to exist but i don't have the skill to do it''#okay spend literally years of your life studying#''i don't want to do that''#okay pay someone who DID do that#''no i don't think it's a real skill''#okay so. YOU can't do it. and a LOT of people can't do it. but you think WE should be able to?#FOR FREE?#either it has value or it dont baby make up ur OWN mind#btw studying here is not used academically. i think if ur like. constantly knitting.#thats studying#do u spend hours reading and find urself taking notes and learning about writing#ur studying#do you follow other artists and spend a lot of your time trying new things (even unsuccessfully)#that's also studying#etc#was weird to write this thing about choices and then be like. wait why DO i like that
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Just so we clear: if Imane Khelif's suing people for online harassment ends up including JK Rowling, you can call it karma a lil for JK Rowling literally using the UK's really weak libel laws to silence critics on twitter.
#anti jk rowling#anti jkr#fuck jkr#fuck jk rowling#imane khelif#like lets never forget she literally went after twitter users once for calling out what she said about the holocaust and trans people#she literally is the type of person who thinks she can do whatever she wants but if you do something she dislikes thats it#so the tables are turning now if the law is used against her as everything she tweeted about imane falls into harassment#let alone inciting it as her followers did proceed to do shit as well
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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i like ms paint but i like mspaint-esque pressureless brushes more.
exclusive never before seen art process snapshot under cut.
this is what it actually looks like in the canvas. it was a warmup for a larger thing and took way too long so my frustration is justified i think
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home24uck#home2t4ck#dirk strider#jake english#dirkjake#decapitation cw#gddddiiii ialways forgett that one. fuck#admin draws#fanart#anywways uhh tags! context!#first one is post tussle. because i am living vicariously through them#i too want to laugh with a friend and have that soothe the sting from the scrapes and aggrevate the bruised ribs#second one. heat map. pieces of you that you left behind#its something ive been thinking about a lot lately as a framing for trauma. a part of you thats still back there.#the way these two step on each others toes in a more general way too. neither means to. it still happens#i saw art a while ago that speculates on dirk being reminded of the disappearifier whenevr jake is on his shoulders and that stuck with me#im in such a mood with these two again sorry. this is what joining a discord 4 the alpha kids does to your brain#drinking sparkling water straight out of a liter bottle and jamming out to verka serduchka rn what can u do.#guess what im drawing. smile :)
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only ninja funding options i’ll accept
odd jobs and miscellaneous shenanigans that result in them ingratiating themselves with a handful of salesfolk around ninjago. e.g. the people of jamanakai having a fondness for lloyd after experiencing both Shitty Little Kid attacking them in s1 and The Green Ninja™ saving them in s4
actual real life jobs between seasons (s2 and 4 ily)
pixal’s investments
residuals from licensing (the ninja video game from s1 and s4 <3. and the movies and the actual merch made by dareth from s6 lmao)
residuals from jay’s TV-Show-Which-Will-Not-Be-Named (now on streaming. it’s real-kid-now-unagami’s favorite show)
ideally all at once. but also? they do not need traditional funding. this is an urban fantasy. they are not paying rent (when living on the bounty/monastery). they can and do grow a significant amount of their own food when they do have a place to live. they have multiple times explicitly started businesses?? after they already were publicly known for saving people? when would the government have started funding them if not then. the ideal ninja state is not worrying about money unless it’s funny, and then they’re spider-man.
#THEY ARE NOT FUNDED BY THE GOVERNMENT. THATS NOT CANON. WHAT ARE YOU DOING#literally nothing has ever implied that why do people keep parroting it#that’s not even a superhero trope the vast majority of superheroes are normal guys struggling like the rest of us#text✨#not ninjago tagging i don’t want to fight about this bc the person talking about it is someone im mutuals with. sorry but#i vehemently disagree#there’s so much more fun to have with wondering how the ninjago economy works than#saying for no reason that they’re taxpayer funded. even fandom makes the superhero thing in s11 more of a thing than canon does#if you need them to make money for story bring back the odd jobs i think zane found his calling as a teppanyaki chef
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YOU JUST HƎARD IT FROM [HIS MOUTH] FOR SURƎ!!!
#cw gore#cw blood#jrwi fanart#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#BEEN VEHEMENTLY SCRIBBLING THIS THING ALL DAY#IM SO FUCKING IN LVOE W THE NEW EPISODE#VIV N VEX ARE LITERALLY EVERYTHING I COULDVE EVER WANTED. I LOVE BLOOD AND MEAT AND BLOOD AND MEAT#THE SCRIBBLE IS KINDA ROUGH SO DONT LOOK AT IT TOO HARD BUT EHEHEHEEEE THE FACE THAT I CREATED UNNERVES ME#AND IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. I LOVE CREATING SOMETHING AND HAVING IT EVEN SLIGHTLY PHASE ME#I LOVED ALL THE TOOTH RIPPING NOISES IN THIS EPISODE. AHVE U EVER HAD A TOOTH REMOVED?#SHE USED A BLUNT METAL TOOL TO PUNCH IT OUT. IT REMINDED ME OF THE SPLINTERING OF A TREE. THE WAY IT TORE.#SUCH A SPECIFIC SORT OF CRUNCHING AND SPLINTERING AS A MOLAR WAS RRRRIPPPEEDD FROM THE SOCKET. OHH I LOVE IT.#GOING IN FOR A ROOT CANAL NEXT WEEK AND IM VERY EXCITED. ALL THE DENTISTS LOVE ME N ARE SO NICE TO ME#WHAT A GREAT EPISODE. I HOPE THE URGE TO DRAW MORE STRIKES ME LIKE THIS AGAIN. WEEEE!!#I WANNA ANIMATE EMIZEL GETTIN HIS EYE RRIPPED OUT. BUT. IM ALREADY COOKING 3 OTHER VIV N VEX ANIMATIONS#THERES NO WAY THEY WILL ALL BE FINISHED HELP!! HELP MEE!!!! I HAVE TO MANY IDEAS AND NOT ENOUGH HANDS. DO U GUYS REMEMBER HTF?#OR HAPPY TREE FRIENDS. THE CUTE ANIMAL SHOW W ALL THE BLOOD AND GORE AND TERRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPENING TO THE CUTE ANIMALS#in elementary school i would show the 'eyes cold lemonade' to other kids and tell em thats how they make pink lemonade.#hope that helps you undertsand. i wish i could make a lil cartoon w just viv n vex doing what they do best#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. IM GOING BACK TO MY LAB. DONT EXPECT TO HEAR FROM ME IN A MILLION YEARS
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The in story reasons of Odysseus and Penelopes namesss
Odysseus, named by his grandfather, someone so fueled by hate, he named his only grandson "he who causes pain". He named a child after suffering because, in his eyes, the whole world suffers.
Penelope, who was born to "Arnacia", but renamed after swans/ducks saved her from her own father. Her own father tried to kill because she wasn't who he wanted.
#like imagine being odysseus's parents#maybe there was a tradition in their familt of having the grandfather name the kid#or it was to honor him#and your kid#an infant#who literally just cant do any wrong because at this point there is no wrong for him to know#is named after all your father hates#and is#and you have to accept it#this kid will always be a reminder of all thats wrong in the world#because your father couldnt see past that#but hey i mean in the end its true#he cause so much pain and sufferinf#maybe it was destined since he was born#maybe his name is what soldified his fate#and Penelope#penelope whos parents tried to kill her#only for them to grow fond of her like it never happened#even though her name is a constant reminder#a constant reminder shes not who her parents wanted#she only lived because she was lucky#and now they want her#but not then#the odyssey#tagamemnon#odysseus#penelope#odypen#penelope of ithaca#odysseus of ithaca
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you know what i really hate. when people try to pretend that the reason they don’t want fat people in ballet is anything other than preference.
it’s one thing to have people describe in great detail how ungraceful and ‘heavy’ fat people dancing ballet would be (and they’re always so adamant on the fact that this is an objective judgment and beauty standards have ‘nothing to do with it’ its just ‘obvious’), its another to have some fuckass default-icon user explain why it’s actually a health risk. how ‘pointes arent made to withstand that much weight’. how ‘their ankles would snap’.
YOU MASSIVE FUCKING MORON ANYONE WITH INSUFFICIENT ANKLE STRENGTH WOULD GET HURT. thats WHY kids need years of training before going on pointe!!!
fat people already carry around more weight than a skinny person and thus often have stronger muscles!! if a fat person is trained well enough so their ankles are strong enough to withstand their weight there is no fucking reason they would be more at risk than a skinny dancer!!!
you are all just hypocrites who like to pretend that a fat person on pointe is the biggest health risk the ballet community needs to be worried about than, oh, i don’t know, the rampant eating disorder culture for example! no but see thats fine and not a risk because they dont do that anymore and also theyre skinny so like clearly it’s not a health risk ^_^
#gonna punch a wall. people love to pretend to know what theyre talking about#fun fact!! im probably the heaviest in my class!! i also happen to naturally have stronger ankles than most of them and can-#-get on top of the box easier!! thats literally my strong point in ballet actually just like my friend’s strong point is arms or lines#Like you guys just do not fucking know what you’re talking about you just want excuses to be fatphobic#alex.rambles.txt#ballet#tw fatphobia#tw weight talk
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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