#thats literally the whole reason why i want ppl to like him and why i like him like

[jrueships]

been finding out abt sauce gardner from scrolling through your blog and like,, there’s something seriously wrong and sooo compelling abt him like why does he want to fuck aaron rodgers sm…

HELDPF

i am SO glad i am ur 'wtf is that thing doing now' messenger of sauce. he is SO weird... just a weird girl forced to play football. im like obsessed. when ur skrungle is an absolute loser malefailure of a man. ugh. have this old art of sauce and joey b that i won't explain the context to, but yes. Pls join the sauce (gravy) train. We're all just watching him run off the rails bcs he wants to get railed. it's rlly an excursion

[itsalwaysdark]

its so fucked up that ppl can like. see where you are looking and will judge you based on that. like not for weird reasons im not like Why cant i stare at womens boobs -_- or whatever. but like if i look out a window while talking to someone then im not paying attention and Whats so interesting out there. or like im looking around the room a lot ppl think im nervous but i judt want to look at my surroundings Ugh. sucks.

[ninjagotohell]

I just read a whole wacky thread of people arguing which parent was bad Garmadon or Misako and I’m no longer scared of the Misako defenders

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[sketchtastrophee]

more old art!! featuring theo and my human harley fan design!! RUN THEODORE RUN (he's cooked)

im gonna talk about chapter 4 under here so only click if ur ok with spoilers! also its a huge yapfest. like HUUGE. i just want to voice my opinions about prototype because i've seen ppl sort of miss the point of what happened at the end of the chapter

I LOVED CHAPTER 4! IT WAS SO COOL!! i was sooo worried but im glad it turned out good. rip pianosaurus tho..

tldr (for the bunch of paragraphs where I talk abt prototype)

prototype being ollie is deranged because it means he was terrorizing the toys of safe haven on purpose for the fun of it when he could have killed them at any time. he also created an extremely close emotional bond with poppy for OVER A DECADE just to tear it all away from her at the end and tell her it was meaningless (he then proceeds to taunt her over the phone abt it). bro is LITERALLY TROLLING

you cant tell me that final scene w the "ive got something special in mind. i prepared it just for you, and this time you'll never want to leave." isnt some tom and jerry shit

ABT PROTOTYPE REVEALING HIMSELF AS OLLIE... (the long explanation)

we ALL knew he was ollie, but i don't think people are seeing the point of this reveal. it wasn't about revealing himself to us the player, it's about the implications that arise from it. he had been playing both sides for 10+ YEARS. that's deranged enough but not even CLOSE to the end of it

as ollie he had emotionally supported poppy in her lowest moments (as heard in the ollie and poppy tape). this tape also insinuates that (at least around the time it was recorded) the two of them called frequently, possibly every night. he wasn't just pretending to be everyone's ally, he was PRETENDING TO BE THEIR CLOSEST FRIEND THAT THEY COULD VENT TO 😭 he heard this poor girl sob into the phone and tell him about how she felt her humanity being taken from her, AND HE KEPT UP THE CHARADE AND COMFORTED HER, KNOWING THIS PATH HAD BAD INTENTIONS

what's worse than all of that, though, is that him being ollie means that at any time in the last 10 years he could have used the persona to force his way into safe haven. AT ANY TIME HE COULD HAVE KILLED THEM ALL. HE COULD SIMPLY USE THE OLLIE VOICE AND ASK THEM TO OPEN THE DOOR. why is this worse, you ask? because HE WAS LITERALLY TERRORIZING THEM ON PURPOSE.

think about the note in the cart/cave area. a toy from safe haven writes that prototype was right outside the door the night before, he'd gotten past the traps and was just tapping on the wall and staring. they said after he was gone they still felt they could hear it. HE IS LITERALLY BEING SCARY ON PURPOSE???? LEGIT TRAUMATIZING THEM AND FOR NO REASON. HE COULD GET IN THERE, HE'S SIMPLY CHOOSING TO MAKE THEIR LIVES HELL

so thats crazy.. BUT ALSO THE ENDING? in the poppy and ollie tape he says "im right here, poppy. for you. i'll always be here." AND AT THE END OF THE GAME, WHEN POPPY ASKS WHAT HE DID WITH OLLIE, HE SAYS THAT. you know what that means? that means he said that shit to her ALL THE TIME. clearly only the two of them would be familiar with the phrase which is why after he said it, she immediately knew he was ollie the whole time

i feel bad for poppy. she ran off but she was valid for that. all her friends from safe haven are dead, the only ones left are the player, kissy and ollie, but she soon realizes that ollie is WORSE than dead. he is LITERALLY HER ENEMY. the thousands of conversations they had, probably hundreds of times she vented and told him her plans and discussed her life with him? ALL FOR NOTHING. any time she thought she was winning the past 10 years was a lie, she was ALWAYS LOSING because he was GETTING ALL THE INFO FROM THEM. she genuinely never had a chance and i think she realized that

in her dialogue you can tell she's grieving ollie (obviously he IS prototype, but i think she's grieving the thought of him). saying "you lied to me" to the prototype of all people is absurd (considering he's done far worse than lie) but when you think about how she feels, it makes sense.

also the part where she said "this isn't right". again, a weird thing to say to him of all people, but if you put yourself in her shoes she's grieving the friend she thought she had, and she's struggling to grapple with the fact that it all meant nothing. somewhere in her mind she believes "ollie" as a personality is there somewhere, because how could someone be that close with you and mean none of it? she thinks that voicing this pain he's inflicted will change his mind, but it won't. and that's why it's genuinely really sad. that's why she asks if there was ever an ollie. i don't think she meant it literally, and i don't think his answer was literal either. she didn't mean "were you a mf named ollie once" she meant it like "was our friendship ever genuine?" which makes his response both heartbreaking and interesting.

so not only is her world shattered now, most of her friends are dead and the one who wasn't turned out to be her opp, but now he's TAUNTING HER OVER THE PHONE AND THREATENING HER. nice one... (loved the quip after she ran off btw. that shit was hilarious. like bro u made her crash out and went "some friend, huh?" YOU CANT SAY THAT BRO)

anyway think of it from her perspective: everyone you knew is gone, and soon the only 2 people that remain will be too. you can't run, or hide, or do anything. he WILL find you, and when he does he'll lock you away FOREVER where NOBODY WILL BE LEFT TO SAVE YOU. I WOULD RUN TOO.............. plus her running off probably led him away so.. she saved us sorta.

ALL THAT TO SAY THAT I REALLY LIKE THE OLLIE REVEAL FOR REASONS FAR BEYOND A SIMPLE TWIST. him being ollie for over a decade raises many many questions, and suggests very dark things.

hes crazy and the fact he did a monologue means he knows he won. he wouldn't have spilled the beans otherwise...

[jellitchi]

vat7k designs in my head...

i thought their canon designs were a eensy weensy bit Unpolished so i made these mostly for myself. erm if u rly want it i think varian is 19 here, hugo 19, nuru 18, yong 12.

i also made rhem all playlists and had to draw them a cover so thats what the last img is I linked each of em under my notes for all of em... Under the cut is Like a Huge Infodump of notes i have for each chara,,,,,,

i kept varians design basically the same, i dislike the design w the orange neck thing so i just Nuked it😭... Here's Varians playlist

Hugos design i just wanted to put him in something more Loose. hes a thief, a professional escape artist. i dont think wearing clunky metal is ideal for him. i also gave him a prosthetic arm (blond w no arm design trope!) but u cant see it in the ref so i added another drawing of him in his under layering👍 i vaguely referenced russian(?) clothes for him as well... Yeah not too much changed w him i just tried to make him slippery-er. Here's Hugo's playlist

yong came relatively easy to me, if it wasn't obvious i did rip gaming from g*nshin's hoodie. i thought the lion hood was Adorable and freaking perfect for what i had in mind for hos character. since the og notes said the fire kingdom is loosely Chinese inspired i basically just kept that. i mashed tgt a buncha diff dynasties though sorry for how inconsistent i was... i think he looks Okay. anyways i changed yongs role a bit, ill explain why im adjusting some of their roles later but i kept yong as the Jinx Type character. hes the eldest in his family and has a buncha younger siblings, hes a lion dancer and does performances w his family/siblings. he rly like special effects n keeps tryna incorporate his fireworks into their performances (it flops and he has to sew up the dmg) ill explain more of yongs role in another post maybe shrugs... Here's Yong's Playlist

miss nuru was a bit of a struggle for me i might share my full design process with her coz i did a Bunch of mockups for her😭😭😭... i didnt have a specific country of reference for her but i chose to make her vaguely south asian inspired. i also really wanted to keep the sheer fabric w the star / constellation map. i love that idea its so cute so shes still technically the navigator. but she also wields a sword too, fencing or whatever. (her and varian r Huge Cass fangirls which is probably why she started tryna use a sword (snuck out to watch cass compete) Okay ill talk abt this later) in my head, okay ill Probably make a whole nother post talking abt how im interpreting/writing each chara, but in my head i think nuru is the youngest and her kingdom's archivist. shes mostly in charge of like Her kingdoms history / artifacts / etc. ok im getting too side tracked ill save the lore dump for later but thats Nurus role in the party. Here's Nuru's Playlist

uhm below i made their character stats mostly to help me with planning / role developing. the yellow is their base stats the color behind is their end stats i guess. i was gonna explain my reasoning for their stats but ermm this post is kinda Really long so sorry😭... varian max int for obvious reasons, also max charisma just coz i feel like u kinda learn a thing or two being around a couple manipulators and spending time in jail idk shrugs... (also lets not forget the "ud b surprised what ppl would do for a cookie!") Hugo slippery guy, if a brick is thrown at him as hes running hes gonna try n run faster to shatter it, his mindset is Run Run Run! i think hes relatively agile too but yeah mostly a Speedster. i think he n varian got no Physical strength varian maybe just like A little coz Farm boy but I rly doubt quirin is making him do a Lotta heavy lifting. yong has incredible stamina and agility because hed a performer. nuru is the strongest coz this team would literally Flop without a proper Offense😭... i think varian n hugo r able to outwit plenty of their opponents but i think nuru is pretty good in a fight, same w yong. Yeah Okay Sorry for a Long Long Post thanks hope u guys enjoy

[pinazee]

An Evening With Mr. Yang

In the infamous words of one Shane Madej:

Who doesn’t love this episode? Are you kidding me?!?!?! The tension is great, the acting is great, Mary Lightly is so much fun, ALLY SHEEDY! There are so many great things in this ep i got a bit overwhelmed haha

Mary Lightly is an amazing character! Jimmi Simpson is such a great actor that i started watching films/ tv shows because he was in them. Like, i watched Westworld just because he was in it (well, and also because james marsden was in it and i love him as well) and he did PHENOMENAL in the black mirror episode the USS Calister! With Cristin Milioti??? Its my favorite black mirror episode (cause I’m also a star trek nerd. That ep was tailored to me specifically)…i went on a bit of a tangent. Anyways, Mary Lightly is one of the top guest characters in all of Psych hands down.

Apparently Yang struck in 95, and we know shawn graduated in 96, so we know in 95 super cop Henry was still a detective. Which begs the question, why wasn’t he chosen by yang?? Im so curious what happened the first time that 6 people died. Was he originally supposed to have been chosen by yang but it was kept secret for some reason?? Ooooo or what if henry had been chosen originally but refused to play the game because he didn’t want yang to come after his family so yang had to go with another cop or simply killed ppl because he refused so henry holds some guilt for those deaths too and thats the real reason he quit??? Or maybe because his marriage was on the brink of collapse henry wasn’t at the top of his game when yang came around. Mmm grasping at straws i suppose, but really though, he should have been chosen (and ill discuss yang more as we get through the trilogy).

Maddy is the worst lol why is she so bad at communicating with her own child??? Shes a psychologist!

I have to call this out because it makes me cringe but bernsens line reading here was not great haha

James though, man he killed it in this! It was understated and heart breaking at the same time!

And Ally Sheedy was in what, like, less than 5 minutes of the whole episode, but goddamn she made an impression! I mean, what an amazing introduction to a character! I have endless praise for this whole scene with her and shawn! What a freaking get.

Lastly, juliets confession. What a great scene too! I like that she called out her sending mixed signals (i almost pointed that out earlier in the season) because uh, yeah, she was confused and thats okay. And like i mentioned before, if im in juliets position id be confused too. She doesn’t know hes a fake yet so all she sees is a highly effective goofball which can be fun, but yeah, maybe not the best if you need someone reliable- which she does considering who her dad is. But this really is terrible timing lol like, bro just saved his mom from being killed by a serial killer and having the most stressful 24 ish hours of his life and shes like, you know what he needs? Romance. (Btw she kind of framed it like, you deserve a treat, i.e me, which in my world means hanky panky lol)

I thought the kiss on the cheek was very sweet (though kind of messed up since hes literally on a date with someone else haha)

What more can i say? Its a near perfect episode and a great introduction to a great killer with a memorable side character and a solid mystery. Gus was actually solving quite a bit of it too so major kudos to him. All around fantastic episode! So uh, yeah 👍

[changbinsboobs]

if i had to put them in order of skz members id date itd be as follows jeongin > seungmin here me out but i think he would be a v sweet bf even tho he doesnt naturally show much skinship and such with his members he the sort to try to surprise u and i like that > changbin hes only third bc i think hes still got some things which he hasnt really dealt with for me to be like yh id so date him i wouldnt say no but its just i think u would have to keep boosting his self esteem all the time and hed be so clingy asf has too much aegyo as well... but would be more loyal than han or hyunjin

felix if he was older and a bit more maturer then sure but he reeks of gen z tiktoker vibes its almost like he speaks so much gen z language i have a hard time relating to him ik sworry im just not drawn to tiktokers and yes even my faves end up being so into tiktok that i still dont relate to them per se. even if he seems like a sweet friendly angel hes still been kept in the online bubble so much so that every week he has a new meme. but hes still sweet i will give him thats why he is one place above han

han is just really odd i dont know i cant pin it down but on the outside he seems friendly and decent but i still place him in the toxicracha line mainly bc i dont trust him and i dont know why i dont want to trust him but i cant bring myself too if that makes any sense? i dont think he would commit long term without being stingy... him and hyunjin give unstable vibes thats why i put them in this order

same goes for chan and his addiction to spicy noodles and live streaming for unhealthy amount or hours all my faves r so chronically online its making them less attractive but ik they want to keep interacting with their fans online so it makes them seem so deluded one sided and its like he is the sort that would obsess obsess about a toxic ex that he keeps going back too as in with his relationshio about stay but it feels like u dont actually connect with them cause its just via a literal screen so u only see what they want to show. u know the saying never meet / marry ur idols well chan falls under that for me, id meet him but be sus of him the whole time, he would be fun friend but try to tell any stay anything different theyll shit on u for it and im like theyre not all that sweet not all of them im sworry i love him in his performances but thats abt it. im sure hes interesting to chat with more than the last member its the whole manchild thing that is off putting with him and his weak ass aint got no sleep schedule or doesnt really try to look after himself so u would have to do it for him yikes and he is far too all over ppl wouldnt let u breathe without, maybe lowkey a stalker? like if u say u going on a long trip he be like secretly following u location and checking up every half hour idfk hes too needy of others company all the time

lastly is lee know i know i know but he doesnt seem to have much drive to be interesting sworry (from one scorpio to another he just doesnt vibe with me as he gives no romantic vibes at all really plays into the dead inside act very well and its just kind of not attractive really, i dont think lee know has self esteem issues more like self absorption issues. fr. and if he cant speak english that well and i cant speak korean that well we gonna be struggling to communicate bruh it would be worse than watching paint dry the only reason i like lee know slightly more than chan he would make great chef thats his only pro and he loves cats. i dont know why but if he was wanting sexual favour he would be mostly focused on what he wants out of it and if u not up to his standard he be like bye he dont want u. yh id avoid him

skz gives young vibes but also sometimes theres a bit of immaturity in some of the members (the older ones esp) along with some members having the dgaf vibes ??? theyre just confusing to grasp in some readings

id be so interested in what ur order of skz members for who u would date or ur reasonings for why or why not etc. anyway feel free to agree or disagree i dont mind and sorry for rambling lmao

I actually agree so much with your ranking, if i were to look at it all logically only id probably have a very similar ranking, with very similar arguments for it. BUT I am a heart-ruled person and i need my heart to be satisfied which means i definitely need to feel physical/sexual attraction towards the person, i need mad chemistry which includes stuff like similar humor, matching communication style, matching views etc - yk. Just in general I've found that i get along best with people that are most similar to me (self-absorbed much?😂) and sooo I'd do my Ranking like that:

1. Changbin ; 2. Lee Know ; 3. Seungmin ; 4. I.N ; those are the ones i would give a chance Changbin being the only one i would gladly date.

5. Felix ; 6. Chan ; 7. Hyunjin ; 8. Han

Those ones i wouldn't date but still for the sake of the ranking. Explanation follows:

Changbin i would date him cuz i see sooooo many similarities between us. Thats what attracted me to him in the first place, and as i got to know him even better with time and through readings i found lots of our core needs/values/views/experiences/wounds even are very similar which makes me feel some sort of understanding from him - even if we don't know each other😂 but i feel like he's that type of person where if something happened we would just give each other the look and both of us would instantly know what the other is thinking cuz we think the same. And then later on we would dissect it or whatever it was called when after a hang out with friends u call your bestie and then asses or whatever the whole hangout😂 I think he has a very healthy balance between feminine and masculine and i need feminine qualities in a man to be able to relate to him and be best friends, but i also need a him to have hot masculine qualities so i can see him as a lover as well and feel sexual attraction. Also im Slavic/Balkan and i must admit i have a weak spot for men that look like that/have that vibe and i think Changbin really excudes that and it even reminds me of home a bit😂😭 aside from just finding him super attractive😮‍💨🤤 He has a really specific charm to him i can't even put into words. It baffles me how there's not oceans of women/fans falling on their knees and barking for him like for other idols with a similar image.

Lee Know i wouldn't willingly date because i don't think there would be any romantic emotions involved but we also have very similar personalities and interests and even views and i think i would get along with him really well and i see him being a great partner for a lavender marriage or something😂 especially cuz theres this idgaf and i think even if theres no romantic attraction we can have a good partnership and life together, have nice home in the mountains, a nice veggies and herb garden, habe quite peaceful life with grannies and animals around us - ugh ill love that honestly. Oh and he's also nice to look at😂

Seungmin isn't per se what i envision for a partner even if he's great on paper - i would say he's too earthy and virgo for me. Too dry. I ALWAYS need Firey men or at least Airy ones and he ugh idk, i don't feel attracted to him at all, i don't feel we have ANY compatiability be it romantic, sexual, friendly nothing - Buuuutttt thats what i've seen of him only through the Skz content they put out, and i believe he has very good boundaries and this "dryness" is for a reason. I believe he is very different when he has a crush or pursues a partner or works in a relationship. And i am a person that doesn't get interested or crushing first. I get a crush only when i know the other person has a crush on me too or starts pursuing me. And I have given guys chances that have given me THE ICK originally but once the start showing interest i melt. So i think seungmins one of those types and i would definitely give him a chance and try dating him and see where it would take us.

I.N is very similar to Seungmin in my ranking with the whole - no compatiability & attraction BUT he's a bit lower cuz i also see some aspects of him that i don't really like in their content for example like his sense of humor or just other small stuff that would putt me off or annoy me. Nevertheless i think he could be quite flexible and if he likes someone i think he's genuine in his intentions, loyal and has good qualities to offer as a partner so i would give him a chance too.

Felix i wouldn't date seriously. The most i would do is have like a fling or something or just date him casually. But i don't do flings and i don't do casual so...i placed him first (in the second ranking) tho cuz he has a very androginous look that i really like, and he's surprisingly masculine and i can't resist that😮‍💨🙌🏻 its my weakness. I think he can be really really charming short term and if were to ever slip and drop my standards a bit and open myself for some casual dating he would definitely have a chance for that at least.

Chan i wouldn't date but again if i ever were to get a little more...experimental within my dating life i would give him a chance just for the plot😂 thing is i don't think he could even do a REAL relationship even if i wanted to. I don't think my guy has the capacity for that at this point in his life unfortunately. I think he had to sacrifices development in certain areas to make room for development in others (his career).

Hyunjin would just be too much for me, i don't like men who are too impatient, too pushy, too dramatic, too overbearing, too emotional, too obsessive and i don't meant that specifically only towards me - i see some of those traits in him in general and i think he would be just too much of a hassle for me, i would see him as a burden and as a son or something weak i have to take care of and rebuild every other week and even thinking about it makes me recoil💀 sry. And on top of that despite his conventionally good looks i don't find him attractive as a man/partner and that leaves me with a lot of cons a zero pros when thinking about dating him so thats a no, i think i would stay far away from him, the closest ill ever want to come to dating him would be some slight flirting. Thats it!

Han, i totally agree with you, i find really peculiar and i would say I'm a bit peculiar too. Contrary to common beliefs weird+weird doesn't equal normal and i have found for me to be able to regulate my specific needs or not escalate or spiral into certain patterns, when being surrounded with people that don't exhibit that, is very helpful. I would not feel comfortable around han long term and i think i would not get along with him long term too because we would be clashing and lashing out at each other all the time. I think we also would constantly trigger each other. I believe that might be the reason why back then him and hyunjin hated each other so much.

That concludes my long Ranking post😂 if you agree or disagree feel free to comment.

[flipfliqyaoi]

hi.........

. Totally anonymous asker right here..... What do you like about flipfliq.... 🗝️

Helo totally anonymous asker they are my sunshine and rainbows for a lot of reasonsssdhj both personal and urrm my justifiable insanity😻 gonna be long bc it's a broad question, might be incoherent bare w me

LOVE EVERYTHING ABT THEM they r soo so silly n lowk complex n also sighs I can rant forever (Double Whammy & W.A.R. Journal oh how i adore you) Fliq has been with Flippy through thick & thin you guys. From the battlefield to all the way back home — he's always been a strong soldier, protecting the Host the second he gets triggered out ever since he was split despite how much Flippy hates his violent methods. It doesn't change the fact that without him, Flippy would literally be long gone in that mission to kill General Tiger, or genuinely just at any given time when he was in the special forces because tell me how Flippy even got through basic training.... that Ka-Pow episode consistently showed how clumsy and uncoordinated he is, I'm not even sure how he got a leader role in that operation but. yk u go girl

Fliq cares SO badly for Flippy and yet both sides literally do not understand eachother in terms of why they do/think in the way they do. Which causes a lot of misunderstandings. (they got cursed with world's most nonexistent sys communication and complete amnesia after every switch)

They're mad asf at eachother bc in Fliqs POV he doesn't understand WHY Flippy doesn't want him to protect him anymore after they've gone home. honestly taking a huge offense on it because "fym. oh NOW you don't need me anymore, what?? After all I done for u? Saving our life a multitude of times out in the field? are you kidding me?"(Also dude carried until they were ranked up from Private to Sargeant according to the Chevron on their uniform if we compare his Ka-Pow & usual fit. goddang !! I also believe he's in the Special Forces because of the distinct green beret), it hurts him knowing the guy he's been protecting for years just hates his ass so much, like "damn ok fuck you ungrateful ass bitch tf" (← he says this and then immediately starts crying just thinking about Flippy being nice to him) (Hear Today Gone Tomorrow episode reference aha). Fliq thinks like this because violence and war is quite literally all he's ever known before they got back to town. He doesn't understand that the civilians/friends aren't enemies(exception to ppl w inability to defend themselves such as Mole who's blind and obviously kids and yeah etc) because he legitimately cannot grasp the idea of a place or people being peaceful and civil because that's such an insanely drastic contrast over what he's used to. It's a whole new environment for him and he just doesn't get it, so he defaults to the assumption that whatever sound/visual/thought that triggered him out means danger is ahead. Just like how his role has always been. and he just does what he needs to do every time he's front (annihilating everyone around him lol). Since he learnt quickly that the only way to save himself from battles were to be equally or more violent and hypervigilant against who he perceives as an enemy unlike how Flippy is more kindhearted and a klutz, those traits inevitably become a problem when it comes to the two polar-opposite environments they've been exposed to. Flippy struggling in the field ; Fliq mad struggling to act all calm and civil ; and both of them(mostly Flippy) distressing during n after seeing what they've done in the PTSD attack(s) before Flippy was like OK THATS IT!!!! and went to therapy for it lalalala

In Flippy's POV, he's upset and because he's yet to find Fliqs reasoning as to why he's like. so aggressive all the time. guys they suck ass at communicating it's literally ruining them. He thinks Fliq is attacking ppl for no fucking reason to the point where even he himself FEARS Fliq(as shown in the Helicopter and Alicorn dream...thing, I'm so not normal about that episode I'll talk abt it later), because any Flippy episode before Hear Today Gone Tomorrow he's been under the assumption that when he blacks out and takes front again in the aftermath — it was him that did all that even tho he doesn't. Remember doing it. And is visibly shocked and petrified over what he seems to be capable of.(he's literally the last person to even want to go ballistic, he likes tea parties and quietness and silly 'childish' things bro wouldn't even hurt a butterfly. something something DID is covert u can't just tell too, so he's been like w.what the freaak is wrong with me 😥‼️ andd bearing guilt over whomever he's hurt during blackouts for however long until he figured it out and um got therapy n prescription meds for his PTSD n stuff even tho his therapy sesh were lowkey kinda balls um at least he's getting help yay!! And these two start to form better communication albeit super fucking slow at first with said therapy!!) (speaking of butterflies oh i LOOVEEE how its one of the few ways we see Flippy get switched in again in the show... his fronttriggers showcasing what stuff he likes and AGH), he never rly expected that, well. he has a headmate that's still tryna avenge him in those blackouts. Smiles and big thumbs up yay 😋👍 bro was dissociating n just mentally gone in his entire time in the military gang he stays a silly billy forever n ever

Urm so yeah I may like some stuffs abt them a teensy bit!! and I may like their dumb problems that can literally be fixed if they could jus talk to eachother lalalala they r so silly togetherrree

this is gonna be so much longer if i include how insane I am of the entire Double Whammy & Hear Today Gone Tomorrow episodes. Among 20 other details and don't even get me started on his bestie Flaky n how important they are to Flippy SCREAAAMS cough. so im gonna end this here 4 now!!! Ty anon for being my first ask YAY everyone start loudly cheering rn!!

who would've thought dumb gay bears can fix me

[hearts401]

I honestly hate how the fandom treats Michael as a hero and I'm seeing posts about it so I feel a liiiittle better talkign about it

my moots are holding back, i can tell. but hes my favorite so im not. and im a little pissed writing this bc. bc i relate to cc a lot. and seeing ppl mischaracterize not only my favorite character but also someone who reminds me of people who fucking suck drives me INSANE.

so psa, im pissed as fuck and i love michael afton.

First off, he killed Evan. That's obvious. Not only was that literall 100% his fault (NOT WILLIAMS IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN PPL MAKE THAT ALL ABOUT WILLIAM SHUT THE FUVCK UP

he was a bully. yeah he was a kid. yeah he was messing with him. Have you considered he was literally. abusive to his brother. i know the fnaf fandom is scared of using that word to describe him but its fucking true. he was abusive. as fuck. that was awful what he did he wasnt just a bully he harassed him and literally locked him in his room. he was fucking horrible.

and yeah, he didnt mean for that to happen, but not only was that stupid as fuck, i hate any interpritation of "he wanted to be like his dad" "his friends coerced him" PLAY FNAF 4. PLAY FNAF 4. FUCKING PLAY FNAF 4 LOOK AT HIS DIALOGUE AND WHAT HE DOES

HE LITERALLY. EGGED IT ON. IT WAS HIS FUCKING IDEA. WHAT PART OF THAT GAVE "he was coerced" THUSHFUDFUDSIOFDUSOFDSIOS

im trying to be normal

Yeah he probably felt like shit after. yeah it probably was some sort of motivator behind his actions. but lets think. lets think.

fnaf 1 and 2 take place before SL, no? So. if thats true. why didnt he burn those down? to "free the souls?" because it was never about the children.

he burned down the fnaf 3 location to get rid of william. it was ALWAYS abotu william. sure he set the kids free but i reeeeaaallyy dont think that was his intention. it was always about william.

in sister location, did he go there out of the kindness of his heart? no he went there because william asked him too. it was ALWAYS about william. and yeah he probably wanted to help liz, he probably really wanted to help her, but based on his actions, was this really for her? or was it for closure

thats something about michael that i put in shitty brother. closure. he didnt actually want to reconcile with his family, he wanted closure on the guilt he felt. is that 100% wrong? no. its normal to want closure, especially after something like that. but also that should not be his goal

did he apologize? yes. he said sorry. he felt bad, sure. but when you kill someone tehy dont come back. evan deserves to never forgive him ever because that was dumb as fuck and HORRIBLE. IT WAS HORRIBLE. ABUSIVE. ILL SAY IT AGAIN

MICHAEL AFTON ABUSED HIS LITTLE BROTHER FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

yeah. abused. say it with me. A-B-U-S-E-D

not just bullied, not just harassed, ABUSED.

ik we're all scared to say it here but its fucking true. say it with ur chest.

this always came back to william. do i thinkk michael is unfeeling and doesnt care about his siblings at all? NO! I think his siblings drove a lot of his actions. but in the end i dont think he always acted with their best interest at heart. or the mci kids'

and the whole "he wanted to be like his dad" i dont fucking care actually. no seriously sit down beside me and tell me that wanting to be like his dad is an excuse for abusing his brother. seriously come closer i wont bite.

tell me how you think that AS A TEENAGER, 100% AWARE OF HIS ACTIONS, that wanting to be like his dad justifies abusing his little brother. his little brother. who as far as we know, never lashed out, never fought back, never did anything to him. tell me how he fucking deserved that

"Michael was just a kid!" so was Evan. So was Elizabeth. So was Cassidy and Charlie and all the kids who died.

tell me how much michael did that didnt revolve around closure and his father. like i get it, he had priorities, but can we please stop acting like he's some angel working for the greater good of everyone.

it feelslike how ppl treat fucking henry. NO HES NOT A GOOD PERSON PLEASE

MICHAEL IS SELFISH HE'S MESSY HE'S STUPID. HE MAKES BAD CHOICES IN FAVOR OF HIMSELF HE PRIORITIZES REVENGE OVER THE GREATER GOOD HE HURTS PEOPLE AND IT MAKES HIM SO MUHC MORE INTERESTING

oh and also in case anybody wants to pull dittophobia out and tell me how mike went thru that trauma

so did evan. and instead of bonding over that trauma, michael harassed him. ABUSED HIM. wording is important. im sorry for repeating myself so much, but nobody ever tells it how it is. it was abuse.

edit: People seem upset by my wording and honestly? fair. i couldve worded this a lot better but i was tired and irritated and one thing i will clarify

i dont care if u dont see adult michael the way i do. i see him as a selfish obsessive guy whos intent is to fix his family, but plenty of people see it differently and thats okay! /gen

but im not taking back anythign i said about teen michael. because i think to do that is unfair to his character and frankly bullshit. i think its bullshit. and i dont care if you disagree. he was a terrible brother and thats that

but adult mike is free real estate idk idrc abt him as much as teen mike.

[bittercideristaken]

I passed out fourteen times but here's my pointy objects fanart I've been working on for literally months and only now got a break from school and work to finish

(this is fanart from an ao3 fic called of gods, monsters, and pointy objects made for @gontagokuhara !!! I hope you're feeling better from covid!! I promise I won't feel bad about how long this took if YOU don't feel bad about the time this next chapter is taking, MASTERPIECES TAKE TIME!!!)

I had (have) more art planned but I didn't want to wait forever to post this, it's the reason as to why I haven't commented yet!! I was trying to finish this first and then I didn't have time LMFAOO I hope you like it!

Baby (giant) Gonta being raised (literally) by Nagito, distracted by a cool beetle!

2. Angie and her mom(s) off their island's shore....

3. Kaede in Chapter 10, after the RV explosion, in the bathroom of Mikan's cottage....

4. Ibuki and her daughter, Kanami, waking up in a panic after the attack

(Non)surprisingly, I think it'd be fun to also share some of my pointy objects headcanons in this same post! I wrote down a LOT of them in my notes app overtime, and they're mostly camp-based. But since this is long I'll just put it under the cut ;)

• Miu's hair used to be the exact shade of blonde as kaede, but she dyed it pink with manic panic and it's NEVER come out

• Nagito and Ibuki were already friends, but only started becoming close after the Tsumugi incident bc of their shared grief and self-doubts... she basically stayed at camp the whole time while the triplets healed up until Junko banned parents from seeing their kids

• Ryoma was a daily smoker before coming to camp, but Nagito encouraged him to switch to nicotine patches

• The counselors didn't realize Gonta needed glasses for a HOT minute until one day while Hajime was trying to set up a lesson plan for his schooling and couldn't figure out why Gonta's reading comprehension went way down when they used a chalkboard... and they're like "...can you NOT see it?😟" like "oh. well he needs glasses, thats it" *facepalm*

• Tenko goes to a lot of girl group concerts with Himiko and Peko! So when she comes to camp, Kiibo begs her to show them the videos 😭

• Sometimes someone gets sick and can't do dinner duty, and sometimes Nagito says "I'll cook" and everyone rejoices because they KNOW it's a pizza night 😭 they literally bet on how long he'll be struggling in the kitchen until they hear the car leaving camp

• Miu is a SERIAL clothing theif, even though she constantly hates on everyone's style/says their clothes are too big/small for her anyway. Kaede is a constant victim of this 😭 she'll tear up her closet looking for a specific top in the morning and then come out to breakfast to see Miu wearing it (it has caused physical fights)

• Angie and Tenko always show up with the cutest hair with all kinds of accessories. They're the best at braiding and most of the camp has had their hair braided at least three times in one summer.

• Kaede and Kirumi are pretty damn good at sewing! The long haulers bring Kaede things that need mending when Kirumi isn't there lol, and Kaede makes all her own Halloween costumes! (And trades her chore duties to help others with their own costumes)

• Rantaro is GENUINELY a tiktok star 💀 he did musical.lys to cringey music unironically when he was like 12 but ppl really started following him for his aesthetic travel videos, and "dying my hair/piercing myself at 3am bc I'm bored" videos (also some unfortunate thirst traps and dance videos💀) Shuichi shows up in the background sometimes and Rantaro teases him because ppl keep commenting "WHO THAT IN THE BAAAAACCKKKK" but yeah he doesn't take it crazy seriously or post very often

• Himiko has known Hajime/Nagito the longest of all the campers (they literally changed her diapers for Chiaki) but she used to hide behind her mom's legs as a toddler bc she was shy 🥺

• Miu works better with music on, it's like her only real psychological tie to her Godly parent (other than the attitude)💀 she dances around her room while working on projects and turns the music up REALLY loud in her cabin and makes everyone complain until she's gifted a pair of really good headphones for Christmas

• Angie also LOVES to surf, Sakura wasn't the best surfer before but she literally learned just so she could surf with her daughter 🥺 it makes her feel closer to Aoi

• Sometimes when the counselors are SUPER overwhelmed they literally say that they've been called to a meeting and just take the weekend off somewhere 💀💀💀 usually one stays behind but it's something they've NEVER admitted to even though the triplets have definitely figured it out after Hajime came back from a """""meeting"""""" with a trinket for his office 💀

• (KINDA NSFW) But Ibuki has had the most relationships with other gods out of everyone else followed by Makothoe 😭 This doesn't really say much it's just a record bc the gods have relationships with humans anyway 💀 if you account for humans it's probably Leon or Teru LMAOOOO (honorable mention to the imposter because LMFAOOOO but I headcanon he has like real relationships with humans and sticks with them for a while not necessarily uhhh yk)

• Most of the gods are used to acclimating themselves to their time, but like, sometimes they still don't catch up with EVERYTHING and they act like parents who struggle to get Siri to work or squint when they have to use a phone (The counselors got sick of a 12 y/o Kokichi asking if they had games on their phone and kokichi got sick of them saying "a telephone was made for calling people" so he got a phone slightly before the other campers 😭) (Byakuya and Makoto got a smartfridge that they STILL struggle to work 💀) (Taka's face turns red after the first 10 minutes he takes to connect a bluetooth device to his car)

• Vocal stims spread across camp like wildfire until Hajime nearly tears his hair out begging them to stop (vocal stims ALSO linger in MEETINGS LMFAOO I think the indubitably bit in sdr2 was so real and funny 😭)

• Baby rantaro was DRIPPED TF OUT💀 Makoto and Byakuya had him in designer clothes as a toddler, to the point where reporters/business partners were suggesting he go into junior modeling because he was such an adorable kid! Makoto likes to tease/brag to Rantaro about it lol. He still has the toddler clothes stored away and a bunch of photos of baby rantaro in formal wear😭

• Kaito has a scar on his stomach from when he tried to fight off the monsters that killed his grandparents

• Kaede is "talking smart", and so is her twin, Miu, but it SHOWS when she's talking trash about someone 😭 she has an Azealia Banks level of world-ending, life-changing reads at the tip of her tongue

OKAY THATS ALL FOR NOW BYEEEEEEE

[l-epingle]

oh hungarian gp you are keeping my drama-loving ass FED

first off: oscar maiden win!! lewis 200th podium!! disregarding the whole race that's such a fun result

this is really backing up my belief that it's way more difficult to be a fan of a TEAM rather than individual drivers bc this is technically a mclaren win in the best possible way and yet they look like such fucking idiots like why would i want to root for them

what the hell was up with their strategy?? like they have no bullshit excuses for what they did with the pit stops and the team orders i genuinely don't understand what mclaren was trying to achieve here besides looking like total clowns

coming from an oscar fan i don't think lando deserved the win! oscar had an amazing start and led the race for a good portion and i think that if mclaren had done their pitstops RIGHT and hadnt tried to undercut??? for no reason?? then oscar would've continued to win the race anyway

coming from a FORMULA 1 fan who loves the competitevness of the sport i totally understand why lando would feel like this win was robbed from him. literally not his fault that mclaren are being bozos and i think if i was in his position i wouldn't have given up my place

HOWEVER as i said before i don't think lando DESERVED to win here. no driver is winning races because they DESERVE to there's ton of factors and oftentimes ppl win for no particular reason. take george's recent win bc of the verstappen-norris crash, all the wins thanks to safety car luck, you could even say charles win in monaco is simply thanks to good qualifying and the way the track is designed. so many things happen during a race that are outside of a driver's control and saying someone deserves to win a race is stupid and ruins the point of the race. like if thats what you want then who even needs to race might as well hand out trophies after qualifying or award points just on fastest lap

BRING BACK TEAM RIVALRIES!! so much love to naomi but i do not agree w pretty much anything she was saying formula 1 isnt really a team sport. the driver's championship is won by ONE driver. yes the wcc is based on team pts but i guarantee that every single driver would be totally fine if their team was in last fucking place if it meant that they won the wdc. saying that you can win a championship wo being selfish is CRAZY (especially in front of nico lmaoooo) bc you HAVE to be putting yourself first every single race if you want to win. yes your teammate is your partner but they are also your RIVAL and you are both coworkers and competitors. like so many selfish moments will be looked back on with fondness as long as you win. everyone can joke about multi-21 now bc sebastian vettel is literally a 4-time world champion and he ended up winning that year. no one cares that he was a 'selfish driver' bc he delivered results and getting hung up on being a team player in a sport like this is stupid to me

one thing lando did that DID annoy me tho was his response to lewis's compliment during cooldown like what was that??? he literally just said you were fast and you had to clapback? like lewis wasn't trying to insult lando in any way why'd he have to respond like that...

also nico he just couldn't get through the day without constantly being bombared w flashbacks huh him giving advice to andrea stella regarding TEAM ORDERS is sooooo funny to me

anyway to wrap up this post (rant) here's my fav pic of the day

brocedes reunion, messy ass team radios, return of mad max... this has been my favorite race so far and i hope the rest of the season continues in a similar manner

[sideblogdotjpeg]

hello unfortunately i thought even more about sol + swag as an analogy for being asian and it is . making me unwell. i am putting it under the cut for the main reason that it is stupid beyond belief

OK. so. hear me out .

STUPID REASONS WHY SOL IS ASIAN:

(and hint: this is all me projecting 100%)

1) moist frog who immediately turns off when it gets too cold. SOUTHEASTASIAN BOY AS FUCK (to me). guy who thinks thirty degrees celsius is pleasant temperature. guy who thinks that anything below 25C is sweater weather. guy who is soo sweaty and moist all the time (the humidity) and that is not only a natural state, but a preferrable state. 20 degrees is too cold. anything below 0 is actually not functional.

anyway. sol bufo. keepin it warm and gross. if its too cold and dry he immediately hibernates. king

2) idk if anyone reading this has seen shaolin soccer. but sol bufo. could clump shaolin soccer. essentially what im saying is sol bufo is like a buff asian jock. which is kinda goofy and goodnatured and loud and also very obnoxious. i cannot articulate this very well. but. what can i say except a human version of sol bufo was delivered to me in a dream and it was every buff chinese classmate ive ever met.

3) (you will notice the reasons get progressively more stupid and more deeply specific)

sol bufo would love milo. omg. like. chocolate drink in a juice box container that is branded as a sports/energy drink and also green. also the guy on the front of the packet milo. sol bufo coded. tbh

anyway. milo isnt strictly southeast asian..? but. yes it is actually.

4) the whole monk class is extremely steeped in asian 'aesthetics' anyway. i mean. ki. so whatever i can claim this monk for me thats my right

NONSTUPID BUT STILL KIND OF SILLY REASONS:

and this is also me projecting 100%. obviously all delusion. so i guess see this as a for-fun reading of the sol/swag storyline through the lens of a very specific of asianness

okay so. swag right. his journey is about leaving his home where he was comfortable and safe but also very confined. mothership lures him to ezry w the promise of opportunity & seeing the world, making something of himself. he ends up being exploited for his body and skills. and he runs away, but his blood still oils up the mothership cogs.

so anyway. i think its pretty clear how that cld map onto like . an immigrant experience? leaving home because of the need to find urself, but simultaneously, the threat of exploitation at the hands of ppl who see you as a potential profit to be mined. this is the first part

the part that is more crazy to me is his experience in irondeep. like, when he left moonstone he left his entire community. now hes alone ... and he cant go back. (he is stranded physically, emotionally). and at this low point, of true and utter loneliness and purposelessness, comes along bronzebeard industries. they offer him a job - but more importantly, they offer him connections.

like. thinking about how were introduced to swag. its not at his job, its his downtime, its when hes hanging out with his coworkers, when hes surrounded by 'friends'. w people who think hes cool, and the people who think hes a "sucker".

idk! but i think this also relates rlly strongly to a common experience of being international? like. when you know you are permenantly lost from home. what you want more than anything is to feel the same community and sense of belonging you used to have. and it is very easy for that desire to ge manipulated. (like - im just gonna mention the one specific instance that ive seen. which is like. international students on college campuses getting targeted a lot by christian groups. because they know those people are lonely and want a feeling of shared tradition and practice. anyway. this is one specific example but also this is literally what happens to lyddie and sister rosaline :-| )

anyway so in summary: swags story of hope/idealism, exploitation, and loneliness leading him to be a very good pawn. i think that is something that could potentially be read as the experiences of ppl dislocated internationally from their home. and im saying its asian because I Want To.

... and sol! okay. i think very simply: sol is super white-washed. total banana. and thats part of his character. he is a moonstone bullywug who never knew his own home, and still, has never even seen moonstone with his own eyes. he does not know his own history. (and kinda tangent, the place where he spends the majority of his life is in launchpad, a sanitized corporate version of reality. and i mean, the whole 'boy wizard and frog pal' is very clearly alluding to harry potter. like. its white.) but ignoring that, the essence of his character is like. this is a guy who does not know where he came from

and currently? a large part of his arc is about trying to unravel his identity by figuring out where (who) he came from. swag daniels is his one link to a community hes just now found out he has. that is a part of why hes trying so hard to save swag. swag is his family - specifically the parts about family you cant choose. that is hard, complicated and how you understand where the parts of yourself track back to.

like. i think a lot about how the pivotal moments of connection between swag and sol are all about swag... showing sol what moonstone is like. in a dream, he lets sol experience what that place is like. that place is a muggy swamp. idk. swag is taking sol back home. that fucks me up a lot

... anyway digression aside. i think one of the most painful things gg on rn w sols arc rn is. how its looking right now. sol is going to lose swag. sol is going to have to come to terms w losing swag. sol for the first time, yearns to know who he is and who he came from. but by the time he went looking it was too late. his time is up. that moment of connection was brief and gone. there are so many questions about their history that sol will never know now

so obviously this kind of dips a bit into metaphor at the end. swag represents connection to cultural history and heritage and identity. and in that lens, it reads to ME as a story abt being asian and disconnected from ur roots. but anyway. even without that lens i think sols story is still v much abt cultural estrangement

(i also have a very loose and unformed thought: which is that sols journey from wanting to stand out/be special to wanting to find a place of belonging. is ALSO INCREDIBLY RESONANT to the experience of being whitewashed asian... ESPECIALLY for ppl who do come from asia. and how that also relates to the tragedy of wanting to understand ur roots when its already too late. but . i dont rlly know if that is a common experience so. itll be noodling in my head for now)

anyway. my essay. and yes this is all make believe in my head . TLDR: i think swags an immigrant sols a banana and i am fucking insane thanks everyone

also if u read this all and want to know what part of this long ramble actly answers the question of why i think theyre asian. well. you know what.

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

wait bbg r u ok😭why the brain scan

ack okay boutta spill my life story one you and we'll just use this as reference whenever someone asks about this from now on

so about 2 years ago i got an concussion. its really embarrassing but i was getting in the car and ended up smacking my head above my left ear on the frame of the car door. Apparently the part of your head near your ears and on the side of your head is the most vulnerable and i jiggled by brain.

at first i brushed it off bc like its not a big deal so i hit my head a lil but it kept hurting for hours and then my vision started to go double and fuzzy so i looked up the concussion symptoms and figured it out. my parents didn't believe me bc the incident wasnt a typical concussion sorta thing so i went to sleep and woke up, head still hurting, and went to school.

at school the next day i was trying to play it off but i couldn't see very well, i was super dizzy, nauseous and my head really hurt so my bsf told me i was seeing the school nurse weather i wanted to or not.

i go to the nurse and tell her what happened and that im 99% sure i have a concussion. she feels my head, says theirs no bump which means i can't have a concussion. this is factually incorrect however bc just bc theres no external swelling doesn't mean that theres no internal swelling or damage at all so honestly fuck her. she gave me a pain pill and sent me back to class.

the rest of the school day i am in agony and cant focus on anything and just kinda sit there on the verge of tears. i finally get home and i break down crying bc my head hurts so bad and i can barely see and the light hurts my eyes like fucking hell and i think im going to die.

my dad then asks if ive been sleeping with my earbuds in and maybe thats why my head hurts and i tell him no stfu i have a concussion. My parents finally do some research and call our neighbor whose a EMT and finally accept that my brain has jiggled.

they felt super bad about not believe him and now they swear to trust me on this sorta stuff i swear theyre good parents.

anyways the protocol for concussions is to:

not read

not do strenuous activity

not do strenuous mental activity

be away from bright light

do not look at screens

and rest until you are fully sure that you are 100% healed

so i more or less did all of that. however i am a dumbass. My parents took my phone away to make sure i wouldnt use it but they forgot about my computer. anyways i was reading a really good fanfic at the time and i had just left on a cliffhanger so i cheated and went and read some when i wasnt supposed too. I dont know if i still would be fucked up if i hadn't read it? but ik that i did. and now im fucked. but as someone pointed out recently that fanfic literally changed my brain chemistry. so thats pretty cool. it is really good i reread it after my concussion like 3 times.

Anyway i was down for about a week and a half and after that i finally went to the doctor they confirmed that it was a concussion for sure and then cleared me to go back to school.

the first day back at school the first class i had was English and we had to read some sort of story or excerpt from some old english dude you know the drill.

For some context i've always been very above reading level. I started reading early and i read a lot. to the point where a lot of ppl app thought i was mute cause all i did was read. I had very high comprehension skills and was tested above average constantly my whole childhood.

So when i come back to school and i'm reading this passage i notice oh man this is really hard for some reason. Why can't i focus on the words? at the time i assumed maybe i was just still a little rattled but it hasnt gone away sense and i still really struggle with it. I have to reread passages about 5 times to understand anything, which i never had to do before. I'll have to read things out loud a lot. I struggle a lot with reading black text on white backgrounds because it doesnt like to stick in my brain at all. it just completely doesn't compute as words.

I took the ACT last year and while i didnt score BADLY (i got a 26) i didn't score as well as i wanted too. during the whole ACT i was on the verge of tears because the room was lit in very white light and the ACT papers were black text on a white paper so i could barely understand a word that i was reading and ended up having to whisper the questions to myself (very embarrassing because i was in a giant auditorium with about 70 people in it) and i still skipped a lot of questions due to the fact that i was so overwhelmed. I knew there was something wrong but we didn't really take any steps to figure it out due to the fact that my grades were still okay and yk like insurance and due to the fact that i was just really embarrassed about it and didn't want to talk about it.

I also stared to get these weird headaches. migraines run in my family so i wasnt too worried about it but heres a diagram hold on.

thats where the concussion was. Then i started to get this shooting sporadic pain in the back of my head. it would only last for a few seconds and didn't happen super frequently so i didn't think much of it but it would always happen in the same exact spot about here:

its sort of stabbing inwards which is hard to show on a diagram but as im typing this is just happened again lmaoo.

anyways i sort of put it off for a a year and a half and didn't think much of it which is why its kinda hard to say what my symptoms really are due to the fact that ive gotten used to them? i would get bouts of dizziness or nausea and just kind of assume that it was my cycle even though i may or may not be bleeding at the time.

but in the last month or so things have started to get a bit more concerning imo. so the stabbing pain is happening more now. ive started to slur my speech a little bit. Its more like my mouth gets sleepy and forgets how to make words so it kinda just skips some important motions, like i'll be saying hello my tongue will say o when the rest of my mouth will say the h sound and ive had to talk slower recently due to the fact that im having to think thru all the movements my mouth make when i talk.

Also im not sure if this is related but ive also been writing weird? like we all write letters in a certin way and all of the sudden its like my brain is trying to change it up without asking me? i wrote an F earlier and i usually write it starting at the end of the curved part and up and down and then cross it. but for some reason i started writing it with a downward stroke for no reason which catches me really off guard every time it happens.

some other things that happen a lot are

brain fog

a weird sort of semi dissociative state that could just be manipulative day dreaming

my brain feeling like its a few inches to the left/up/down

the left side of my jaw being tight

my legs give out sometimes but ive always had weak ankles so may not be related

i step on my own toes but tbh i have very long toes

and more im sure but i can't think of any rn

and again these could be related and they could not be but the thing is that i dont know anything? so hopefully i can get an appt with a neurologist and get a scan to figure it out.

according to the doctor i saw this morning its very weird for concussions to have a weird drawn out affect like this but yk

hopefully its nothing serious

but thats the gist :D

[tlouconfidential]

people have got to stop crying about "not treating ellie/abby like the WOMEN they are!!"- do you all realize that butches/stone butches do exist?? that stone tops exist??? that lesbians who use he/him pronouns and masculine terms like "husband" or "boyfriend" exist??? and thats perfectly okay??? and also that doesnt mean they are men??? yes its an issue when those things are projected onto people without their consent and say-so, but the keyword there is people. abby and ellie are fictional characters, therefore just about everything about them that isnt canon is up to interpretation. i literally saw a post headcanoning abby as nonbinary (i believe thats what the post said, i forgot) because of the whole "you said ladies first" interaction with manny is seattle day 1. COOL

i think we as sapphics are kindve losing the plot when it comes to gender expression and identity- letting masc sapphics not be boxed into the whole masculine image is great, because no gender expression should feel like a box- but in doing so, some of yall are inadvertently boxing presentation back in lmao. saying things like "shes a woman, so she should be called pretty! if youre calling a woman handsome, youre treating her like a man!" is not all that productive as you may think it is (not only that but it sounds a little terfy, just saying)

why? because psa: no sapphic identifying person can ever have proximity to a cis man (bc thats who you all are referring to when you say that) sapphic masculinity ≠ masculinity performed by cishet men- and that is the reason. our masculinity is not a performance we are pressured to keep up- its a sense of self, it makes us feel comfortable; if anything we are socially pressured outve it

(sidenote where is this sentiment with abby and ellie even coming from???💀 no one ever claimed them to be stone tops, theres just a lot of fics with them topping the reader cs a lotve ppl want to be topped and or dommed by them??? (hashtag relatable??) and sometimes those fics arent all that well written so the character feels flat?? that doesnt mean theyre being “treated like a man”- there are many fics where either of them are subbing or bottoming (tbh i cant rlly speak for ellie fics cs i dont dabble in them much, im an abby girl🤞) on top of that, there are many posts delving into their characters!! into their EMOTIONS (gasp ! i thought people who "treat masc women like men" didnt do that)

sorry for the yapathon but um moral of the story guys!! masculinity isnt owned by cis men, let abby and ellie be headcanoned as handsome boyfriend husbands or something cs its not like they came outve your screen and told you "save me from these FREAKS who keep calling me HANDSOME on tumblr dot com!! i want to be treated like a pretty princess"

.

[aether-friskets]

Why I Headcanon Waylon Park as a Trans Guy?

it came to me in a dream.

ok but jokes aside (well not entirely it DID actually originate because of a dream i had getting interrupted by a nonexistent video essay on the topic... dreams are weird man), i do want to try talking about my reasoning for this (although it's totally legit to hc a character as trans purely because you want to!! thats totally based also lol), because maybe it'd be interesting to hear the lens through which i saw this game? idk lol but i'm doing it anyway... below the cut in case it gets long

Ok immediate prefaces, A: i doubt this was actually the intended at all and i'm not trying to say it's canon, just saying why i read it that way :3 and B: this will probably be a rambling mess and I apologize, I'll try to make it somewhat make sense.

I guess I'll start with: a whole major thing of Outlast, is fighting to tear down this large corporation, that is like. the embodiment of shitty systems that exploit people (this post by bry mentions that general topic, although more focused on miles' angle). It's worth noting because, to me at least, fighting these sorts of systems really aligns with a lot of queer folks (and basically any group that gets fucked over by the system, which is most of them loll). There's like, this whole thing of Waylon seemingly fitting that image of the ideal typical man, with the wife and kids and a job, but he has to risk all of that to do what he feels is the right thing.

(Oh yeah, I guess quick tangent on that note. Yes I know in canon we literally see his dick lmao and also we know he has kids, which you might think would deter my hc here. but A: i already said ik it's probably not canon, i can still read into it regardless. B: intersex ppl exist. C: phalloplasty and other similar procedures exist. D: ppl can have kids in non-traditional way. so im prob not gonna cover that element of it more)

My brain hasn't been able to help but interpret his whole journey in a queer way, because i played it as a teenager still in the throes of understanding my identity and place in the world, so in the end this might not even make sense to anyone else. But, I'm trying to explain, so I'll continue to regardless.

I kind of saw it as Waylon hiding in the protection of an "ideal" life. On the surface he looks like he's in that American ideal family, but it's a subversion. He's only one of them because they think he is. Because he doesn't step out of line. Unlike Miles, who's more outspoken about issues, who seemingly has no one around him. He's treated as part of this "ideal" world, while working in the background to try and stop the exploitation and immoral acts going on.

When he's caught, when he's seen as something more complicated than first imagined, he's cast out. Lumped in with the same people being exploited by Murkoff already. He isn't "human" to them anymore. He's something else. Something they don't like.

Although the violence brought upon him is by the variants, it is still in part Murkoff's doing, since they fucked these people up via these experiments to a point of heightened violence and just generally ruining their lives more than they already had been by whatever they had done prior. That being said, they are still responsible for their own actions.

the stuff with Eddie is definitely the part that most resonated with me through this lens. I remember first playing it, and he scared me the most, for a lot of reasons. One of which being what he represented. He's The Groom. He wants someone to be his Bride, and you're it, even if you don't want that. As someone who's aroace AND already knew at that point that i wasn't a girl, this guy felt like a human embodiment of the pressures to fit what was expected of you. That one day, you'll be married and have kids. If you don't, then you're worthless.

But it's interesting especially, because Waylon IS married. He has kids already. He has that family. The difference is, in this hypothetical trans lens, he's not "really" in a traditional family. He's "pretending", as some might see it, because he's not "really one of them". Being Eddie's Bride is the situation that would've been expected of him, but he said "fuck that", and did his own thing.

Plus, like, with Eddie in particular, you will NEVER be what he wants. He will try to make his perfect bride, but you'll never be it. Even before Mount Massive, no one was what he wanted, judging by all the people he killed. He's a broken man desiring something but never liking his options.

Also just fucking. these lines from eddie make me lose my mind.

That part of you the world sees, they think it's perfect. As God intended. Even these idiots and lunatics see it. There's something special about you. On the surface. But when they look deeper, when anybody with eyes to see looks at what you truly are. That's why they don't trust you. You're not what you're meant to be. Not yet. This place can see into your mind. And the things you've done. Oh, they're a sin, darling.

like HELLO??

I know it's probably just Eddie rambling but it felt like he reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat like.

Anyway in actual relation to my point. uh. Remember the thing I said about Waylon being a "fake" typical family? This kind of relates to that. Like, on the surface, he seems like he's got this perfect typical American family, he's "as God intended" (which. bro. i swear that exact phrase has been used against trans people so many times). But if you look closer, you'll realize there's more to it than that. Also like, going from the "as God intended" line to the thing about the things he's done being a sin, like hmmm. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, considering we know Eddie wants to make you into his Bride, so of course he's gonna think stuff like that. But still. It's a bit interesting to me.

Plus, it's interesting how, despite having a wife and kids, he's still more... feminized, I guess, than any other characters in this game. Both in the game itself, and within the fandom. Like, not just Eddie literally calling him a woman and trying to make him his bride, but also stuff like a variant near the beginning calling him a "pretty flower" before threatening him, Andrew (one of the staff) licking his face at the beginning of the game... A lot of violence and sexual-ish acts that are often directed at women in media. Even Frank, who I don't have as much to say about here, has some weirdly sexual undertones to his whole cannibalism thing.

This isn't entirely related but one part of the game that still sticks with me but I don't see mentioned as much, is near the beginning. Those guys stabbing the dead staff member. One of them remarks that "there are no observers here" and "do you think you're different? Something special?", which I think helps cement the whole idea that he's treated the same as the rest of people being exploited by Murkoff now. There's no turning back to that "ideal" life you were hiding in before. Hell, that's definitely reinforced more at the end of the game, when you choose to publish your footage, knowing Murkoff will come after you for it, and probably ruin your life. Maybe there's more interesting things to glean from that, but i thought they were interesting lines nonetheless.

anyway, overall I know this is probably just the ramblings of a trans/generally queer person reading WAY too much into a character that I happened to resonate with when i played the game, but i thought maybe it would be interesting for others to understand what would lead me to this conclusion? Anyway, that's all i've got on the subject right now, so I hope it was at least a little interesting.