#thats going to take me a few minutes
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love when customers send me a message and then two minutes later (WHILE I AM TYPING) they go "are you still there?" like. sorry. i'm not a computer. i'm not chat gpt. you have to wait for me to read your message, research your answer, and type out your answer, which may be a whole paragraph long. That whole process is going to take more than 30 seconds. So maybe like. learn some goddamn patience or something idk
#system message#its always the older people too#the ''kids and their damn technology'' and ''everyone wants instant gratification these days'' people#betty i am looking at your entire account payment history to figure out why you have a balance from 2021.#thats going to take me a few minutes#go make a coffee and come back
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christmas eve ramble tags and some pictures of me and nice things from this year that i have randomly at 2:47am on christmas eve decided to post on tumblr. like why am I posting my face idek but I just felt reflective and i always just dump my rambles on whichever blog I'm using the most 🙈 i have not thought very hard about picking these. my motivation is that i want to force myself into acknowledging that for the majority of this year i felt good. I did good things for my health, and at work, and for my friends and family (even though I am desperate always to tell myself that i have never done anything good for anyone ever.) I found a new fun thing & lovely kind fun people to help me explore it. i got to sleep with my hand on/in Henry (cat not popstar) belly fur. yes i started having panic attacks about stuff to do w my dad, and money is tight (i mean i live in syd..) and i miss my mum and sara and i maybeee spent far too much time speaking to my ex fiance until he went on some rant about family law and I got the ick for once and for all lmao - but i was happy on many occasions.
#so we're doing Christmas tomorrow on Christmas Eve#well its 2.30am so we're doing Christmas today on Christmas Eve#ive been up late making Cypriot Grain Salad and freezing packs of scallops#no not a strange chrissie tradition just the fish place i ordered from listed them as $3.50 each so i ordered 12 just as a little two bite#mouthful each along w the oysters#and they sent 12 packs of 6#which do NOT cost 3.50 each#i actually feel a bit bad#anyway i froze most of them#we didn't do a tree this year#i think last year i did the tree and needed to needed the connection to mum#but this year when i mentioned it to Imi she sighed. and its no fun on your own#so i bought a lovely Christmas Bush and ive twisted those wire fairy lights around it and some little icicle tinsel#i need to sleep for a few hours and then get up and tidy the balcony and vacuum and clean the toilet and wrap presents#can you imagine if i had been able to have kids i am so last minute its awful#oh and a friwnd who had a horrid miscarriage#sorry they are all horrid#but shes pregnant and thats really great news#and my dad was nice to me today when we talked#also i took an extra week of leave off so now im having a month#which is so nice#im going to finish two fics#send cards and parcels to ao many people#i have replies from when my mum died ive still not done#im going to clean out the grarage#im going to swim everyday and try my harsest not to get burnt#okay maybe every second day#summer!#iveet stuff w my dad take away my happiness i had for the first half of the year - also mourning Sara#but i feel a bit more in control and im going to lean in to being proud of what i achieved this year and in finding new joy
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anyways. my very first attempt at malenia
#elden ring#my post#this starts late (?) bc i didnt want to get the cutscene in the clip but fumbled to start the recording bc she does kinda rush you#and i was not at all prepared#anyways im genuinely tempted to just write a long post dumping my thoughts on malenia and her fight and how im puzzling through it#ive reached peak intrinsic motivation elden ring#the only reason why i probably should wait to make the post is bc ive only gotten as far as first phase half health#i have another recording thats abt a minute and a half long attempt and i gave it a few tries today#its worth mentioning that the night before i decided to finally start fighting malenia i told my friend (who managed to beat her) that bc#a lot of the last few endgame bosses didnt take me too long to beat i was worried that malenia wouldnt take me very long#and he just told me she would throw me into a meat grinder. and i lasted 12 seconds against her after that intro cutscene#anyways the fact that she's a very straightforward and easy to see boss makes it very easy to break her down and figure out how she#works n why she's hard and figure out a plan and everything i really like it. no particle effects just some sparks and sword trail lines#i keep getting caught by her flurry attack n today my plan (while talking to my friend) was to figure out why i kept getting caught by#it despite it being very obviously telegraphed n then putting together why i struggle with it. its REALLY fun to think technically abt her#anyways. fun part abt me getting killed by the grab + impale is that i honestly wasnt sure if that was actually implemented in the game#bc id never seen it in gameplay and. here we go. ten seconds in there it is
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hi. for people who saw gatsby: an american myth. do you remember mckee asking nick for lunch. and then gatsby in like the next scene inviting nick for lunch. because i remember.
#not pjo#chitter chatter#when gatsby was like 'we should do lunch' i was like. hello. fucking. hello. are we. hello.#gatsby really said we just met literally 5 minutes ago. come meet my father figure. normal normal thing to do jay.#to be clear gatsby also asks him to go to lunch in the book. but like. there's a time skip. and also#in the show after mckee asks they immediately start making out on the couch. none of this ... nonsense#so the vibes are a LITTLE different in my brain.#i saw a few people say they didnt think gatsby and nick flirted enough and like while i do think that think part of it is we're#in nick's pov but not his HEAD#he DOES start singing about gatsby's smile for no reason until jordon is like. alright buddy. lets talk about daisy.#like nick was just Doing That. pull it together carraway.#but i got the vibe (JUST my take) that gatsby was like. kinda into nick. zero reason to be leaning into his space like that sir.#however when he actually MET daisy again he became kinda singularly focused on her again#i mean he built his whole lifeup to this moment#he says it at the end. he murdered pieces of himself to bring himself here. for DAISY.#him snapping back to daisy mode makes sense to me but he still reaches out for nick as a comfort in the sense that hes like#nick do NOT leave please stay with us. daisy does the same. and ofc part is that theyre really. fucking awkward. but like.#LET ME HAVE MY OWN NONSENSE INTERPRETATIONS. HES TRAPPED BY WHITENESS AND CLASS AND HETEROSEXUALITY.#hes already so much of an outsider trying to fit in. (i also think he loves daisy or an ideal at least. and she's EASIER to love. safer.)#nick inherently has more freedom even as a gay man in the sense that hes richer and white and an ivy league dude i mean you understand righ#right????????#even if its in the book i do wanna point out the parallels between those moments. im choosing to see it as deeply intentional <3#this show had a lot of repetition and parallels (see daisy and myrtle in a lot of songs and scenes)#(one i LOVE is tom giving myrtle a necklace and daisy later giving TOM her necklace in case he sees anyone he knows. idk love that shit)#im...gonna queue this#im embarrassed to talk about this show so much. so. into the queue it goes!!!#all the worlds a stage#so like. anyway. thats where i think nick's mind immediately went when gastsby asked him for lunch. personal headcanon <3#gatsby after one convo: we're doing lunch // me and nick immediately: oh ok! guess that's a date then!
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okay im definitely going to be away from home when sxs gens comes out i need to figure out how im going to deal with this
#its not the end of the world if i cant play it immediately i guess (though it will be painful)#im mostly concerned about pre order bonuses and how exactly i should pre order the game that sort of thing#doesnt help that im torn between physical and digital. like im probably gonna pick physical#because i hate spending more than like 15 dollars on a digital game. unless its digital only.#but theres pros and cons to both wwhich makes me worry about making the wrong choice ..#like having to miss out on stuff like an entire stage just because i dont wanna buy digital deluxe really sucks....#well digital players getting to play early isnt something i have to take into account at least since i wont be able to play anyway#switch players are excluded from playing early for some reason and im not gonna have access to my xbox because im gonna be gone#and getting it on my laptop is just out of the question entirely i dont think itd be able to handle a game like that#so . doesnt matter.#but i still have to think about the pre order bonuses . and how im gonna get the game exactly. because i really want geralds journal </3#if i go physical i can get a friend to pick it up i guess???#or maybe on my trip i can pre order it at the last minute at a store thats in the area and then go pick it up when i have the time#idkkk i have a few months to figure this out still so i dont have to rush into coming up wiht a plan but im still thinking about it
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.
and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.
#familial trafficking is a very real thing and i am not okay :)#i still have a hard time coming to terms w it. i mean. thats what happened. i was trafficked. but it wasnt a stranger.#it was my fucking dad!! what the fuck!!!!!#he wouldnt stick around whenever hed bring me somewhere so it could happen. he literally left me w men he didnt even really know.#i remember one of them asked me once 'think your dad would let me keep you?' and all i could do was cry because well.#what exactly was stopping him from taking me? it sure as hell wasnt the law because me being seven fucking years old didnt matter.#im sure some of them thought about it. i just got lucky. i only got to go back home because of dumb luck. not everyone gets that chance.#sometimes i still feel like shit for using the word 'trafficking' to describe what happened to me because i know thats what it was#but it still doesnt feel like its *my* word to use. like im blowing it all out of proportion even though thats. literally what it was.#i dont know how to talk to anyone about it. just typing this made me have to put my phone down for a minute so i could try to calm down.#and then i also had to set it down for like an hour for the same reason. i just. im gonna go play minecraft for a few hours.#csa vent#trauma vent#actuallyabused#actuallytraumatized#tw trafficking#forgetting about this shit for years and having the memories come flooding back all of a sudden has been. SO difficult.#im so tired of thinking about it but i cant stop.
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I was going back through my old school stuff from like 1st grade and there was this like journal where we had to write like a couple sentences each day to practice writing and stuff and i had this one day where part of what I wrote was "I hate myself today because I had to change my card to yellow" (the cards were like discipline things so you started with green and if you weren't being good you had to stand up and go to the front of the class to change your card) and I don't remember what it was for but I'm sure I was just like maybe talking or something like that.
But like damn. Even just thinking about the times I had to change my cards in those classes makes me want to cry. I remember always being so upset anytime the teachers weren't happy with me and then I think about me now and how I'm always expecting people to think the worst of me or be hiding that they don't like me or always expecting the other shoe to drop even if they've been telling me I'm doing a good job because I'm bad and I need them to just tell me why and what exactly they're holding back
And I've got a review coming up at work soon with my bosses since it's almost my 6 year anniversary of working there and all I can think is oh good now they can stop telling me how great I am and how happy they are to have me there and just tell me everything I'm doing wrong because I know the compliments aren't right and they have to have been holding back what all my issues are.
And I think something in my upbringing may have kind of fucked my head up... just a little bit
#peeerrhaps i should start looking at therapists again to work on some isssssuuuueeesss....#the last one was not that helpful but she was the first person i looked at and tried and she did well enough#just didnt really get deep into anything under the surface#i literally cant take compliments. like idk if its like a youre supposed to be humble so dont let it go to your head thats turned into#dont internalize any praise ever but if anyone ever complains about you then its real and you should internalize it times a thousand#or maybe its just a i kinda hate myself and dont feel like i deserve good things or anything ever#i think some of it is im ashamed about my stupid inability to get to work on time. like if i force it and work myself up#maybe i can be on time like a few days in a row#but the momentum drops so fucking fast and then im back to well im here before we open even if i was supposed to be here 20 minutes ago#but also like i get there before stuff is going on and like its not that late and i havent mentioned the issue because#i feel like if i did theyd say oh well then just get here at the later time youve been arriving close to its fine#but then stupid brain will go okay so this is the new time which means that im going to shift to arriving even later#so i just have to keep relying on the shame and guilt and panic to get me there in the mornings#which is not fun#i just hope the review goes well other than my bad time management#i feel like it will... hopefully. theyve talked about possibly 'promoting me' which would be me doing the same stuff ive been doing#basically but then id just have the title (and pay 🤞) to go along with that#i dont want to get my hopes up but we'll see what happens#im going to like try super hard to get to work on time until the review though and like after but still#come on clarissa do a good job
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reading thru my old wips and finding the one where nate has to turn lucy and is like 100% sure it killed her and hes just sitting alone in their house w her corpse in the next room. like BROTHER....
#a few years after they get married and start poppin out kids lucy gets diagnosed w extremely aggressive brain cancer.#the twins are like 3 at this point. and theres treatment available but shes got like a 1% chance of surviving#and she and nate have their worst fight ever about it. which says a lot because neither of them are combative.#nate wants her to try treatment and only look into supernatural options as a very last resort#lucy is like 'if becoming a vampire ends up killing me i still dont want to spend the last months of my life sick and weak'#i think. probably adam takes her side in the end and convinces nate. and they go on a big family vacation together.#last hurrah if thats what its gonna have to be#and when they get back rebecca takes the kids and lucy and nate have sort of a last date night#and then he turns her. and i hc that because of her fucked up blood situation it takes a lot longer than normal.#and during that time her heart stops or drops to like. one beat every few minutes. slow enough that he cant hear/notice it.#i mean it works! im not strong enough to kill my ocs. hes sitting there curled up sobbing and she just walks out like 'hon im staving' HDJD#carly.txt#carly's ocs#oc: lucy
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edit: 4 was NOT supposed to be there i dont know how it happened
Like I know we all love making ADHD seem cool but like, don't forget it's actually a disability? My ADHD is bad enough I've nearly been evicted for forgetting to mail the rent check to the property manager, I've forgotten to pay the utility bills and had my water or power get turned off or had to pay fines bcs I missed a credit card payment. Once I was supposed to cat sit for a friend and I lost the house key she gave me but didn't realize until she was already out of town, and she had to call the apartment office to get someone to give me the spare so her cats would have food for the week. When I'm unmedicated I can't even get myself to shower half the time, forget eating or cleaning. Before I started living with my fiance I'd just like, not eat for days because I didn't have anyone to remind me to eat or go buy me food. I've forgotten to turn the stove off so many times and ruined kettles and tbh been DAMN fucking lucky the house didn't burn down. I've done stupid, impulsive shit that's nearly gotten me KILLED. I can't remember to close the shower curtain reliably even through my fiance points out every single time I forget, and he's almost out of soap rn bcs for the last MONTH neither of us have been able to remember to order more once we get out of the shower.
I've had such bad memory my entire life that to this day someone suggesting I forgot something because I simply didn't care enough is a legitimate trigger that, in the worst cases, makes me have a breakdown.
I get that for some of you this is just something that makes studying hard or you forget to take a pee break when you're playing Minecraft or whatever, that's still a valid struggle and you do deserve help and understanding, but like, ADHD is a disability. It's disabling. It's not impossible to improve and learn coping skills, meds help a lot, there are great accommodations out there(LIKE CLEANING SERVICES), but not every case of ADHD is the same, and a lot of them are pretty ugly ngl, and just because you managed to do something doesn't mean someone else is gonna be able to manage it too, or that they're being lazy for struggling. And that obviously doesn't mean ADHD people have a free pass to never work on themselves and make everyone cater to their every need or whatever, but we do deserve some understanding when we explain that our disability is actually disabling in ways that aren't palatable to you. So like, idk, maybe don't immediately recoil in horror when you find out that someone with ADHD can't keep their house clean. And for fucks sake don't ridicule them for it.
#yeah. I have pretty severe adhd and along with impacting my focus and things#i have really bad memeory problems because of it. medication doesn't even help that. Like you could tell me something thats really fucking#important or spill out feelings to be and id probably forget it all in the span of a few hours to a day.#i forget to eat. I forget to brush my teeth. i forget to shower. i forget to drink water. i forget to clean things.#i also want to add that. I can have major meltdowns because of my adhd. And I bet other people have that happen too#I dont know about other people but#i would NOT want to be avoided or treated badly in general because of a meltdown. There's at least a few other people who can agree with th#I know im not the only one. So please#dont ridicule people with adhd for not keeping their house clean or forgetting something you said#and don't be a bitch because someone had a meltdown they couldn't control#this isnt me saying “ohhh when someone does ____ in a meltdown they still shouldnt have consequences”“! no.#i fully believes in taking responsibility for your actions#but you guys also need to remember that we arent in the right mind AT ALL during that. i know I can be extremely unpredictable and sometime#violent towards myself or others during the breakdowns#yes I am aware that is not ok.#i will take consequences for my actions#but if you're just going to tell me to stop doing shit for attention or to “stop crying its already happened”#stay the fuck away from me.#(btw i had a worker at a mental hospital do that to me. He also got angry at me and snatched my clothes away from me when i was trying to#get them in the dryer because i was acting confused and was taking too long#what was actually happening was that i was stuck trying to process all the instructions he gave in like less than a minute.#i then had a meltdown after he snatched the clothes away from me. I didnt get violent but i was screaming. not at anyone#just screaming because of how distressed i felt in the moment over that. I felt like i wasnt understood#it felt like nobody even gives me a chance before i get stopped for “being too slow”.#because yes#i can take a while to process things sometimes.#but that doesnt give anyone the right to be an asshole to me in(at least I'd thnk so)#so along with not ridiculing someone for not having their help clean#not brushing their teeth or not drinking enough water#dont be an asshole because someone with adhd had a meltdown and also be patient with them.
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I said I was gonna take it easy with artfight but somehow I managed to draw a pretty dynamic pose without much difficulty and now here I am... This is the opposite of "taking it easy...."
#aria rants#i was like: i dont think i can pull off this pose im thinking of easily without Struggling so badly so ill just do what i can#a few minutes later and im now in the lineart stage alrdy having managed to Actually pull off the pose i was thinking of#so now im like: wtf happened??? in a good way but also in a: i have never managed to be This fast with a pose like this holyshit#im still taking it easy in my own way tho cuz am feeling... sickly... my cold went away for One day and came back with a Vengeance#altho tbh i only have myself to blame for that cuz it was like-- yaknow that time i slept at 11pm which was a HUGE achievement?#i ended up sleeping at 3 am RIGHT AFTER that which my body Did Not Like also combined with my drinking cold juice during then too#so yea am like auauaauaughhghghg bad timing but! the cold medicine is helping so we stay silly >:3 just gotta not stay up too late#nothing is going to stop me from drawing not after i managed something Like This like whooooooaaaa maybe i did Actually#level up from that caiowe art! THATS SO NICE!!! im improving yall! im doing it!
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in a veryyyyy strange mood right now 😵💫
#not a bad one at least! but hmmmm.. well i shant explain i dont think i could if i tried anyway#didnt have a crash today either! which is a bit baffling but ill take it#i did feel sleepy and had a 5 minute cry when i got back from lidl in the evening for no real reason. but thats kinda normal for me#and i felt ok like it wasnt depressive or anything i just had a few wobbly thoughts#first saturday in a long time that has actually been pretty nice :-)#pleaaase let this continue.... i would like to get better 🥹#anyway iiii am gonna go to sleep bc its past my bedtime and i wanna be up at 7 to take my meds at the usual time 🫡#goodnight comrades xoxoxo#.diaries
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god i love when i finally get round to doing stuff that i've been meaning to for 2+ years. it feels so satisfying but at the same time i have DESTROYED the surrounding area. i am so sorry mum your sewing room JUST got clean and here i am cluttering it up again lol
#shut up danni#on the upside my bedroom is almost COMPLETELY clean#i just have a few things that i need to clean up like my window sill and my dresser top#but the thing that has been a BIG issue for so long is how much shit was on my floor#my room is NOT that big i am bad at measurements but it can't be larger than 3m by 3m#the large majority of the room is taken up by my bed so i have limited walking space and YET it was always full#i had to kick things out the way and walk over so much stuff but NOT ANYMORE#i am convince like 60% of my wardrobe was on my bedroom floor#THAT'S gonna be fun to wash lol i am sorry mum#i do not know what sparked this but it MIGHT have been that i was putting off washing up and that's absolutely bonkers to me#the washing up is literally a maybe 10 minute task#it has taken me all weekend to finish cleaning lol#and i STILL have to do the washing up for when my mum gets home#not to mention tidying the hallway and the sewing room so it's less annoying for my mum#but i think that's smth i can deal w tomorrow#for now i just need to take out the trash and make sure that when i go to bed tonight i don't dump everything thats on it on the floor
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💉 blood-showers Follow
okay. but has anyone ever tried drinking their own blood? like from when they were alive?
🍷 nvrdrnk-wine Follow
how the fuck are they gonna do that? go back in fucking time?
💉 blood-showers Follow
no no like. before they turn they donate blood or something and have it stored in a blood bank, and then after they turn they break in and try it
⚰ let-me-in-let-me-in Follow
thats disgusting
🩸 fightmeorbiteme Follow
Friendly Reminder that taking blood from a blood bank is actually worse for humanity than feeding off humans directly.
💉 blood-showers Follow
can we not bring up blood bank ethics for five fucking minutes we're talking about drinking your own human blood right now
🕷️ renfields-spider-collection Follow
wouldn't it turn into dead mans blood? cuz you die when u turn? it'd fucking poison you
🧛♀️ fromthekarnsteintomb Follow
no but it was drawn before you died
human-guy-steve-deactivated2020
oh my god. my friends gonna sire me in a few weeks. i should fucking try it
🦇 sleepalldaypartyallnight Follow
@human-guy-steve its been 3 months is there an update????
💀 hung3r Follow
he's been fucking destroyed...
🌙 thecollinscurse Follow
Well. There's your answer.
🧛♂️ vampire-guy-steve Follow
still here! just remade lol
anyway.
that was fucking disgusting
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#okay complaining again and i cant tell if im overreacting this time or what#but this has been plaguing my brain since yesterday /neg#so i brought in a piece to submit to the art show and my professor looks at the information and goes ‘why dont you want to sell it?’#and i go ‘because i like it too much’ and without hesitation she goes ‘thats a terrible excuse’#and then proceeds to go on a rant about how you should always try to sell your art at art shows and told us we’ll regret it if we dont#but in my head ofc i feel like shes yelling at me for not wanting to sell my art#like. 1: i havent drawn anything i actually like in months aside from a few projects#and 2: why does it matter so much to her that i dont sell *my art* this time around#the world will still go on even if i dont sell it :/#i wasnt gonna let her be the reason i put that up for sale. especially not under that influence#if im really proud of something and id like for it to be sold. then i will gladly do so#im not just gonna have her get on my ass about not selling my art and have her be the reason i sell a piece just bc she kinda yelled at me#and i understand shes coming from experience but like.#dawg im gonna think youre yelling at me and pressuring me if this is the way youre going with it :/#ik that professors are supposed to push you and thats great. but she kinda. makes me want to quit taking college art classes altogether#uuurrghhggh#:/#kazzy complains#maybe im overthinking it#maybe its just me being a bit overly sensitive and crabby as of recently but that doesnt make it sting any less#sorry ive been complaining a lot recently i just. really havent felt that great in a hot minute and its kinda getting worse#im certain its because of biological reasons coming up but rrgghghhhrghh bark bark bark bark#edit: NO BECAUSE AT THJS POINT I JUST SHOULDVE TOLD HER I DIDNT WANT TO SELL IT JUST BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO.#AT THIS FUCKING POINT
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