#thats basically ur thoughts everyday

[honeytonedhottie]

ways to look after ur mental well being⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧋

mental health is definitely the most important thing that u should work on and prioritize in everyday life so here r some ways that u can look after urself ✨🗒️💕

PEN AND PAPER ;

pen and paper is ur best friend, being able to articulate ur thoughts and get them down on paper is a great way to practice self awareness and is a good skill to have in general.

its best not to keep things harbored or bottled up in ur mind and if ur looking to get into therapy a great place to start getting comfy with ur emotions and thoughts is journalling.

this includes things like keeping a diary, doing shadow work, or prompted journalling. just being able to get comfortable and aware of whats going on in ur head is rly good for you.

CHECK-UPS ;

make a habit of checking up on yourself to make sure that ur doing everything that u need to be doing to function at ur best, to make sure that ur feeling okay and making adequate time for you.

some rly good ways to have little check-ups is just preparing some questions to ask urself sometimes (how do i feel?) is the most basic one but asking urself that does help put ur feelings into perspective.

METICULOUS ;

oftentimes, when we neglect our physical care, we can start to feel the effects of that in our mental health and our mood which is why i think that self care is such a major aspect in mental health.

sometimes when we hit rock bottom in our mental health/healing journey, doing self care can seem tedious and like a daunting task. its important to prepare an alternate routine for times like this when u absolutely MUST do a little something.

to find a good place to start i recommend my posts : the feel better formula. 🍰💗

KEEP A BOOKLET OF REMEDIES ;

sometimes it makes me feel better if i have a little booklet that tells me how to treat symptoms that i might feel, whether thats physical or mental. doing so makes me feel like i have a plan. some notes from my little booklet of remedies include

cuz sometimes, all your missing in ur mental health equation is one thing and its important to know urself and what u need, bcuz you are your own best doctor sometimes.

ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS ;

sometimes we need to be uncomfortable to be comfortable. some questions or some things that i wanna come to terms with/when i need to call myself out on something. THATS LOWKEY UNCOMFORTABLE.

when im doing shadow work and digging deep, THATS UNCOMFORTABLE. but its what needs to be done in order for me to move forward on my journey as a person.

with all this being said its important to never lose sight of urself and to be ur biggest protector, look out for yourself, do what u need to do to heal, HAPPY HEALING JOURNEY GIRLIES ✨

[lonigiri]

cuddling with hq

goshiki, ukai, lev, kuroo, ushijima, bokuto (dont mind how random these pulls are, i span a wheel 😭)

border by @/kyejiz

๋࣭ ⭑ goshiki

- def is like on top of you

- its kinda like spooning but like ur laying flat (kinda) and hes just ontop of you

- i mean its kinda cute considering hes crushing you

- plus side is that hes 100% kissing your face all over, like 100 tiny kisses all over

- sometimes he loves you too much

you were just trying to chill and watch tv when-- "whatcha doooooinnn" long eyelashes fluttering and a big smile on his face. the bed dipping as he jumped on top of you. "ugh tomu! get off me." you groaned, him shaking his head vigorously with a giant smile again. tightening his grip on you, pecking kisses on your cheeks. "love--kiss--you--kiss--so--kiss--much" "tsu im trying to watch my showwwww." "you can still watch it, im not kissing your eyeballs." "you're so annoying."

๋࣭ ⭑ukai

- probably the second most normal out of the bunch

- well actually i take that back, i dont think hes a big cuddler at all

- like he will if you REALLY want to but he wont if ur like silently initiating it

-like you gotta say it out loud that you want to cuddle

ukai and you laid in bed he was reading a book about something and you were scrolling on instagram. you placed your phone face down on the bedside table. your eyes darting over to your boyfriend. thinking about how you were gonna get him to cuddle with you. you scooted over closer to him, not quite hip to hip, but a little closer. he scooted away. are you serious. you looked over, deadpanning at him. "you need to die" "WHAT DID I DO?"

๋࣭ ⭑lev

- when i say pile of limbs i MEAN PILE OF LIMBS

- does NAWT know how to cuddle but he is trying his absolute best

there you where, in bed, laying next to your boyfriend. TANGLED. you have absolutely no clue how this happened but you do not know how to get out either. you were just staring at eachother, blinking. "this is all you and your stupid long body's fault." "hey its not my fault that i was graced to be 6'7" "you big fat lier you're 6'6." "am not, i am 6'7, i went through an adult growth spurt." he frowned and you just rolled your eyes. pulling your legs and arms untangled. "hey were are you going!" "what now." you fake whined turning around "i wanted to cuddle more."

๋࣭ ⭑kuroo

- your head on his chest as a pillow

- or alternatively, his head on your chest

- he says he just likes listening to your heartbeat buttttt i think we all know actually why

kuroo had his arms wrapped around your waist and head on your chest. one hand holding his phone watching tiktoks while the other was firmly holding your waist. "bruh what are you watching." "did you just bruh me?" he turned off his phone placing it on your stomach and looking up at you. "you act like this isnt an everyday occurrence." you placed your hand on his head and messing up his hair. "hey! dont mess with the hair." "you act like it doesnt look like shit in the first place."

๋࣭ ⭑ushijima

- big spoon 100%

- not that he doesnt like to be little spoon its just it doesnt happen normally

- hes just a very large man and its kinda hard to big spoon him

wakatoshi slipped into bed after a long day of practice. all he wanted was to go to sleep and be in your warmth. and thats basically exactly what happened. ushijimas arms wrapped around you, sighing out with a slight smile on his face. "did you take a shower." "i thought you were sleeping." "was until you got here. you know im a light sleeper. anyways, did you take a shower." "yes maam." "good now we can sleep!"

๋࣭ ⭑bokuto

- you and bokuto's relationship is the epitome of audhd

- you both like do your own thing while being in eachothers presence which makes you more likely to actually get stuff done (body doubling)

- he lays there on the bed and you lay on his stomach

you had your laptop on your stomach as you did some work while laying on the bed with bokuto. well i guess trying to do some work. bokuto was blasting only god knows what on the tv which made it kinda hard to concentrate. "bo." ... "bokuto." ... "ko." ... "kotaro." .... "BOKUTO KOTARO." "WHAT WOMAN DAMN." "I KNOW YOU'RE HARD OF HEARING BUT TURN THAT DAMN TV DOWN."

[w0rmm1lk]

May I request the class 1A boys (if u write for multiple in the same fic) reacting to their gn! S/o (who’s normally insanely calm and patient) finally snapping and ends up nearly killing a villain? Like reader snaps during a fight against a villain or smth because the boys (seperate but yk) got hurt and stuff? Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, I suck at explaining things 😭

hi! i didnt end up doing all the boys but I did the ones I think I would b able to write for best hehe, for future posts probably gonna limit it to 5 characters per post!

characters: Tenya Iida, Denki Kaminari, Eijiro Kirishima, Mezou Shoji, Shoto Todoroki, Katsuki Bakugo, Izuku Midoriya.

reader: Gn

summary: the very well known 1a student (reader) who is known for being calm and understanding almost fucking kills someone.

warnings: blood mentions, near death experience, swearing, injuries.

other details: 1A!reader, reader quirk not mentioned but they use their bare fists to beat the shit out of the villain, villain is not any specific one.

👓Tenya Iida👓

👓- Iida was fast but damn the villain was faster.

👓- this resulted into iida now basically completely motionless on the ground yet still concious.

👓- usually if it was any of your other friends you would just take a deep breath and anylis whats going on to make sure things are delt with properly.

👓- but that iis not the case this time.

👓- it was almost like something snapped.

👓- nobody could actually figure out how you managed to catch the villain, especially with their speed.

👓- but bystanders were more focused on the fact that you were now repeatedly slamming their face into the sidewalk.

👓- honestly a miracle the villain survives that shit, but they 100% had brain damage afterwards.

👓- normally iida would step in but he could only really stare at you.

👓- partly due to the shoock, but also the fact that he straight up couldn't move from his injuries.

👓- after everything calmed down and iida recovered he gave your ass a huge lecture.

⚡Denki Kaminari⚡

⚡- he was shocked.

⚡- pun intended but also he was just straight up in shock.

⚡- first off, surprising he got these many injuries without short circuting.

⚡- guess his training rlly payed off.

⚡- well at least his quirk training.

⚡- thinks its sick as hell how you just beat the shit out of the villain.

⚡- their face will never be the same again.

⚡- hes kinda into it tbh.

🪨Eijiro Kirishima🪨

🪨- literally just makes the :o face

🪨- this man got one hit that actuqally injured him at you just cut loose.

🪨- he felt like not even he could do that much damage in unbreakable. (he totally could do worse but hes just having a moment leave me alone.)

🪨- aftwards will literally beg you to spar with him.

🪨- unfortunatley never gets to fight you while ur that pissed off.

🪨- honestly when he saw how beat up the villain was he thought that it was bakugos doing for a hot second.

🐙Mezou Shoji🐙

🐙- the way you reacted to him getting hurt lowkey reminded him of dark shadow during the training camp.

🐙- very similar situation tbh.

🐙- it was just one of his extended limbs that got injured, yet you reacted as if he had just been decapitated.

🐙- froze up for a second when he watched you just immediately run up to the villain you have been fighting for at least an hour and just absolutely demolish then within a few minutes.

🐙- had to restrain you a bit to stop you from actually murdering them.

🐙- was a little shocked at the sudden swap oof personality for that short time but was more focused on stopping you from being charged with murder.

❄️Shoto Todoroki🔥

❄️🔥- ^that face.

❄️🔥- like that is just his reaction tbh.

❄️🔥- i mean its not everyday you see the person thats just a slightly more emotionally available version of you almost kill someone.

❄️🔥- especially over a small cut.

❄️🔥- the cut wasnt even caused directly by the villain, it was a broken piece of glass that was flying around with other debri./

❄️🔥- i mean-- at least you caught the villain?

❄️🔥- and almost killed them.

❄️🔥- along with free medical debt.

❄️🔥- or no medical debt?

❄️🔥- idk how that stuff works in japan bruh.

💥Katsuki Bakugo💥

💥- fight me all you want but

💥- he just straight up finds it hot.

💥- like if you look close enough this mf is blushing.

💥- who knew that the one time someone makes bakugo blush is his partner attempting murder.

💥- originally wasnt going to hold you back.

💥- the longer he watched you beat the shit out of this guy he started to genuinley think you were going to kill them.

💥- once everything settles down you started back to you normal calm persona.

💥- bro was just like ????

🥦Izuku Midoryia🥦

🥦- panic.

🥦- like you dont even have to look at him, you just need to be near him and you can basically feel how panicked he is over this.

🥦- lots of panicked words, you can barely even tell whats he's saying through the rage but also the pure speed he's speaking at.

🥦- few words that were mostly intelligable you could tell he was saying you should stop.

🥦- even if you wanted to stop your body wouldnt let you.

🥦- ended up needing to use blackwhip to get you off.

🥦- not that it did much being the villai already had a broken nose and multiple broken ribs.

🥦- probably missing teeth aswell.

🥦- izuku is lowkey terrified to somehow piss you off now.

theyre all a little short but i think I slayed

[mayxo-hxh]

do u think illumi is bad at cooking ? i have a feeling he would be but im not fully convinced , what are ur thoughts ?

I think that hc is based off of the fact that Illumi as a Zoldyck probably 100% had professional chefs prepare him all 3 meals everyday. And while I definitely agree with that, I also think there is no way the Zoldycks have not taught Illumi survivability skills that included the basics of cooking or making your own food with what you're provided (like chucking em in the zoldyck forest and they just gotta find their own food from there for a month)

How I see it, from the logical pov he doesn't necessarily cook. He knows the basics, but thats about it. BUT if he were given a recipe book, he can replicate the meal down to a T. He can definitely cook textbook perfect recipes if he wanted to.

Whether that counts to "bad at cooking" or not is up to u tbh but im also one of those people that find it very funny if he would just ruin the entire kitchen on one saturday night because he lacked the knowledge of fundamentals like not leaving oil for too long on the stove or having to be careful of cleaning meat to not spread salmonella all over your kitchen. you learn through practice after all and when it comes to standing in an actual kitchen i think he had about none

maybe shit like salmonella wouldnt affect him but.......... poor hisoka lmfao

my general hc for illumi cook is he learned a lot through watching hisoka cook first and foremost and was supervised by hisoka the first few times before he was trusted enough to be set free in the kitchen. I see hisoka having a whole written textbook of recipes he saw and likes to make and illumi uses that as his guide to making whatever he needs in there.

there are still ways for him to mess up even with all these pillars of support but imo that doesnt make him a bad cook yknow? It's like that one meme abt someone asking u to heat up a cup of water and u send them back a photo of a glass cup on the stove. He would just take things too literally but hes a fast learner so im sure after a good year of living with back and forth practice he'd become perfect at proper safe cooking.

TLDR he cooks just not safely and needs very clear proper instructions and guidance and proper practice to truly thrive but that does not make him a bad cook by definition. does that make sense.

[moon-0f-m4rs]

Mercs with a borrower friendo :3

(this is my 1st time writing anything so ummmmm...... hiii)

Scout

Yaps, yaps and yaps more,, and ya gotta bear it. Like, whenever he was annoying anyone else in the team, they'd just walk away or get him to get away. But now,, cant do nothing about it. At first he definitely took advantage of it, but over time i feel like he'd pay a bit more mind to not being too insufferable. Also, therapy sessions every now nd then. Man needs a bit comfort even if he can't admit it. Hes not that bad when it comes to handling, can be gentle, but also sometimes can get a bit too careless. Oh but he teases alot, alooot. Would get u snacks, but never try bonk..... u'll explode 😓😓

Solider

Before even getting found out by him, you had to have a tiny american flag in ur bag whenever you went out. If you didnt, this guy wouldnt adopt you as THE AMERICAN BORROWER YOU ARE!!! And since, say, you did.......... best dad ever. 10/10. Well i mean,, accidents happen quite some timesss.. (racoons.. or his idiocy) He keeps an eye on ya tho, 24/7. Also, youre probably his only voice of good sense that could shush him down whenever he gets a bit dum dum, thats appreciated by everyone.

Pyro

Dress ups, tea parties and some arson on the side since he provides u matches. At first he was way too curious about you to be gentle, but over time he learnt to be carefull. Likes touchin u, prodding and tapping and stuff. Keeps him aware ur real and not am image in his head. He would definitely make crafts for u, like just minature sized objects or something like that. Would get really attached, so, you get scary dog privilege :3

Demoman

Wee lil' friend you are hes rather fond of. Hes caring and protective all the time. When he gets sloshed, he just becomes grabby, clingy nd loud. At times, just cuz hes used to do so, tries to get you to drink sum with him (if you're an adult ofc). This guy stuffs pepole up with granades on a daily, but would never hurt someone smaller than himself. Sometimes u gotta remind him to be quieter, but tbh, if youre living next to an everyday battlefield, your ears should be well used to it by now.

Heavy

A presence he doesn't rrly mind. When hes not in battle hes a quiet man, just going through his day, so having a tiny bud on the shoulder is no issue. He'd be pretty scared of handling said bud tho, ees hard to be careful when being beeg man. But you can always just stay in the pocket or as i said already, shoulder. Guaranteed food around him too. Heavy does not mind sharing sandvich with leetle leetle friend.

Engineer

Workshop assistant :D Every borrower must know how to make tools, atleast the basics, and i feel like he'd be amused by these but in a positive way. He would definitely make tiny functioning thingys for ya. And now if we dont care about the amount of noise, a small wrangler to you and you can shoot with his sentry meanwhile hes occupied with something else on the battlefield. Super fun and caring guy, one of the few that know what personal space means tbh.

Sniper

Rather antisocial typa guy, so if you're around him then its either just sitting in silence or a small talk about either his job or whatever you have to offer. I also dont feel like he'd be overly touchy in any situation. He sometimes can offer you resting somewhere on him; hat, shoulder, pocket, whatever you like. But thats for whenever he's not sniping. He'd rather not get startled by a move and miss the shot.

Medic

It all.. ALL depends on how he found you, what mood he had and overall what was his first thought he had about you. And if it was all somewhat positive, then another assistant you are. He could get a full review of how it is when inside of a human body from u!!!! fun ain't it? :D He wouldnt really go out his way to be careful, at first at least. Later on he might give some respect, if you prove yourself to be productive and entertaining that is. Archimedes would definitely be interested in you, taking you as their own.

Spy

He wouldnt be too invested in you, maybe sometimes taking you on the battlefield as a extra set of eyes or something. Also it would be a pain to even spend time with him since his smoke room would be a literal gas chamber. But maybe he'd let you just ride along in some pocket, as long as you kept it clean, and just.. do spy duties idk. Maybe if he got you some of your own mini gadgets then mini spy???? hhhmmmm??? im outta ideas for him idk

hon hon france

uuhhh... yea (this took me like 2 weeks my god)

[rosyanew]

The story of my life or how I ended up here.

♡₊˚ 🧘🏼‍♀️・₊✧⋆🌸⭒˚｡⋆

This story is about my way of trying to become the best version of myself (p.s I’m still trying)

——————————————————————————

I’m gonna start my way from the very beginning when I was like 16-17 years old studying in school with no real friends and no understanding of the future. I was just as basic as u could imagine school girl that just broke up with an asshole aka school star boy after literally a month of dating (such a waste of time).

Somehow I started talking with one of my classmates. She was telling me about a lot of psychology stuff such as the power of thoughts etc.

I started reading a lot of these type of books, watching YouTube videos to get to know more about it. And then, when I graduated school a year and a half later, I went to the university a whole new person (btw I stopped being friends with that girl bc at that moment I thought I’m way too mature for her).

At the university I was talkative, friendly and kind (at school I had a lot of negative thoughts and hated everyone around me). I still was reading some books but I wasn’t feeling the change in life and inside of me. I was still surrounded by shitty people, has so much negative thoughts and was influenced by the opinions of others.

What am I doing wrong? I asked myself the other day. I read books, I act kind.

But then i remembered that I’m still striving for better life laying on the bed and scrolling down the internet watching others living my dream life. I had to do something! I start planning my life and doing Pilates as an everyday routine but it all has gone so fast. I was laying in bed again and crying over better life.

——————————————————————————

For about 6 months or more I was so stressed and it has affected my boyfriend of 2 years ( a lot of parts of my life are missing here bc there are not the main parts), I was crying and begging him to make more money so we could travel and buy some brandy stuff for me. Such a big mistake is to compare ur life to the someone’s life on the internet!

I was like the hell am I doing we are literally living together (at 21y.o) why am I asking for more?

That was the moment when I realized something is wrong with me and not with the circumstances.

Then random video on tiktok showed up and on the comment section I saw someone keep saying to read “law of assumption” and “void state” on tumblr. Thats how I ended up here with no understanding of everything but trying to change my mind, myself and life.

Sorry for that long boring story but I feel like something new is coming and I just had to share my way to someone.

───୨ৎ──────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ───

Keep in touch with me and join my way to improve the life and break all the physical barriers of life. And let me know what y’all think and how can I improve my life ♡

[mrs-monaghan]

Shaz i Just realized something today. Pple really need to start taking you more seriously when u say certain things. I remember months ago, you mentioned a few times that you know Jk would very much like to go Live with Jimin but maybe Jimin is the one who doesn’t want to. I remember saying to myself “nah Shaz is probably talking outta her ass and being very taekookerish rn” lol. But u were vindicated cuz we came to find out that Jk does indeed want to do a live with Jimin but Jimin is playing hard to get. I also remember you talking about how Jk hates the vermin but I personally had not seen any reason to believe he hated them cuz he still hung out with Tae and stuff but i guess these last few months or weeks have proved you right again because the whole world can clearly see that Jk has a problem with those pple. Let’s start with him looking almost disgusted at the mere thought of living with Tae, or how visibly uncomfortable he looked when he kept getting questioned about Tae on that Live, and also how everytime he does stuff for Jimin, the cult start manifesting he does the same for Tae and he just doesn’t. And now after liking that Jin video from a tk page, he went ahead to (probably) delete the comment prolly cus his algorithm got messed up with tk stuff. My point is, I won’t be completely closed minded to certain theories u come up with cuz u’ve actually been proven right quite a few times. Cuz who would hv thought we would see an almost desperate Jk insisting for Jimin to let him come over and do a live? I never thought i’d live to see a day like that lol.

Let’s be honest, pple wanna be like shippers this shippers that, but the truth is, Jk has never shown any discomfort at pple thinking he is fucking Jimin. Not even once, hell he is the only one feeding us jokers now cuz Jimin aint giving us shit to eat. Without Jk alot of us might have thought they broke up and gone about our lives but everyone can see clearly that Jk is the one still keeping us grounded in our Jikook belief. He does all these but doesn’t care to feed tkkrs at all. The only thing he does which feeds them is basically hanging out with his friend Tae. That’s literally it! He doesn’t go out of his way to do anything that might feed the vermin and that is why now, they are claiming Jk is Tae’s washing machine and Tae is Jk’s refrigerator lmaoo. That is why now they are getting hit tweets by claiming that old sounding hacking and coughing we heard from Tae’s live was Jk lmaoo. That is why now they are photoshopping blurry af pic to claim that tk went on a restaurant date and a beach date😂😂😂😂. Tae used to feed them alot b4 but for some reason he stopped so they basically hv nothing these days. Plus taennie gets one step closer to getting properly confirmed everyday and they are losing it. Now they are planning to hit us with “Jikook is fake love” everytime we have something to celebrate lmaooo.

Anyways, i respect you my dear. I’ve learned my lesson. From today i’ll be more open minded even when some of ur theories sound a lil taekookerish lol.

How I'm I supposed to take this ask?

I have said this a milli times; i go by history. My theories and conclusions depend on history. Has JK done this before? Have Jikook behaved like this before? The number one reason why Jikook stand out to alot of people is CONSISTENCY. This is why people like me who are convinced they're together believe this to be the truth. Because they are sooooo fucking consistent. Yeah after year after year they act the same, they are the same. Their behaviour towards eo has remained the same.

So no, I'm not all knowing or a Jikook professional but I am quite good at remembering useless things that will not help me IRL in any way shape or form. I will have dated my fiance for 4 years in October and I still mistake his year of birth. Thats right, I keep forgetting my fiancé's year of birth. But I know that when Jimin had his foot on JK's crotch, that took place in Bon Voyage season 1 episode 6, but we only see it in episode 8 the finale at 38 minutes in.

That's my mind ladies and gentlemen. 🤦🏽‍♀️

JK has been debunking tkkrs for years. Its not new. He genuinely does not like them. We know this because he goes above and beyond to correct anything that may be construed as him and V being a couple. But u will never catch him doing this for Jimin/ to Jikookers. And yes, this is fact.

We don't get debunked, we get fed.

I've consumed enough BTS content to see it happen so me drawing to this conclusion stems from HISTORY. (And talking with a bunch of great friends who love to analyse) All year we had seen JK be defiant and go against the company and be unapologetic about it. While we had Jimin telling him to stop drinking on live, making fun of JK for singing unholy (a sexual song) on live. So it only made sense to conclude Jimin was the hesitant one. Not JK. Jungkook aint scared to blow shit up but his boyfriend sure is.

If you work with the belief that Jimin and JK are a couple, all that's left is to observe. And u will come to the same conclusions that i (and my pals) do.

When Jikookers make delulu theories I believe we are allowed to. Because Jikook is real and because of this, we are most likely correct. Jikook have done some crazy shit over the years, u can't blame us for coming up with some crazy theories.

Thanks anon, I guess? 😳😳

[nattyluvs]

PINK ROSES - chapter 18

"hey, look they have a photo of chris up there" yeji said to jeongin, pointing to the framed photo on the wall. yn turned to them, slapping yeji's hand.

"hey, stop holding hands if ur gonna walk next to me, i look like a loner." yn commented.

"listen, if u grow a pair and make a move on little lixie back there, u might be able to lock fingers with him" yeji scoffed, nudging her head in the direction of felix behind them.

"but-"

"no buts! just go talk to him..hes probably waiting for you"

"yeah no buts" jeongin spoke in a mocking tone

"whatever! ill be right back then..." yn mentioned, slowing down her walking speed to catch up with felix and jisung behind her.

minho, jisung, and felix were all walking together, felix seemingly not interested in whatever bickering argument they were having. yn gave felix a little wave while walking towards him, felix returning the favor.

"hey, i thought id walk with you since you dont seem interested in whatever they're talking about"

"trust me, im not. they argue everyday and then somehow make up? im not sure how they function doing anything together," he pointed out

they walked next to eachother for a bit, in comfortable silence. looking at the several concession, merch, and other items' stands. they walked like this for a bit until the silence was interrupted.

"you know, i want to try dancing one day, just as a hobby"

"why the sudden interest?" felix asked

"cause, ive seen how passionate hyunjin seems to be about it, same with you. you both seem to have this aspiration to keep doing it, im interested."

"especially hyunjin, i mean, he has danced since he was like in primary school competitively for 5 years."

"why did he stop competing?"

"well i remember he was around 15, he stopped competing because he didnt like the atmosphere of dance competitions. he just felt that going up against other people wasnt his thing." yn explained, voice shaken for a split second due to felix's hand brushing against hers for a moment.

"hmm, that makes sense. personally i think dancing isnt the kind of sport that should be competed, but judt enjoying the art of it."

"yeah, i get where ur coming from." yn answered, "hey im about to tell u something but you cannot tell hyunjin i told you, got it?"

felix nodded, "okay so basically the year felix stopped competing for dance, my soccer coach scouted him for that season and we were on the same team for awhile." yn recalled.

"why the hell would he not want people to know about that? thats kinda silly to be embarassed about"

"cause he's embarrassed about it, and he quit halfway through the season at the same time i did, and continued with dancing."

"im missing something here," felix spoke, their hands brushing once again.

"if u dont mind me asking, why did you quit? there had to be a reason right?" he questioned

"well first of all i was on a competitive team, i had worked really hard to get there then i got injured halfway through the season." she muttered

"if you dont want to talk about it we dont have to, you know. this seems like a sensitive topic for you"

"no its fine, its just i loved doing it so much, and one thing just tore it all apart, i cried alot about it. i still do sometimes"

"the really only way i can get involved now is coaching, and i dont know if i-" her voice starting to stutter, feeling the tears well up.

"hey, we dont have to talk about it anymore, i dont wanna see u crying." he pulled her into a hug, rubbing circles on her back for a moment.

"hey! you two can stop being lovey over there, we found the elevator!" they heard jisung shout.

felix rolled his eyes before letting go, handing her a cloth to wipe the tears threatening to fall down her face

"you know, you and hyunjin act like you hate eachother, but when u both are seriously talking about one another, u both sound very fond."

"shut up, i hate him, hes annoying" yn lightly punched him on the arm, while he pretends thats the hardest anyone has ever hit him.

"why do you keep touching my hand with yours, do you want to hold it or something?" yn asked

"and if i do?"

"i wont object" they successfully locked fingers with eachother while waiting for the elevator.

"your hands are really small you know" she mentioned

felix whined a bit, too embarrassed to say anything.

they walked into the elevator along with everyone else, going down a few floors until reaching the right one. they walked over to their seats while felix and yn unfortunately had to break their handholding.

"we have to put our bags in the locker room, but we'll be right back okay? dont jump onto the court while we're gone" minhos voice was heard from behind her

----

they sat there for around an hour, chatting about who-knows what. after first quarter, the group left to prepare for their performance. this left yn and yeji to sit by themselves

"sooo i saw u making moves back there huh!" she teased, nudging her arm.

"stop! it's embarrassing ill tell you about it later."

"hey whatsup!" they heard a familiar, annoying voice coming from up the stairs.

yn and yeji both turned their heads to see beomgyu, eyes and mouth wide open in suprise, not expecting to see him there.

"why are you even get here? where are your parents..." yeji asked, jokingly annoyed

"i literally have a liscense, and im on a date for your information!"

they both gasped, yn proceeding to speak "wait are you with..."

"if youre thinking what im thinking then yes" beomgyu gave them a cheesy grin

"then what the hell are you doing down here? go back to your date, dont leave him hanging you know" yeji scolded

they exchanged some more small conversation before beomgyu left and it was just the two of them.

--

after around an hour had passed it was finally halftime, they both waited in their seats impatiently for the announcer to call them out

the performance started shortly, taking turns on the big screen up above. they performed to 3 songs, stage outfits matching each of them perfectly.

as soon as it was over, yna nd yeji rushed over to the break room from their seats. they stopped to buy some flowers along the way.

once arrived in the break room, they parted ways while yn went to search for felix, finally spotting him at the back of the room, minifan blowing at his face.

"hey you did really good, you know? im glad you got over your nerve, that performance was fire"

"im glad you liked it becuse im sooo tired" he slurred, forcing her to return his hug.

they pulled away from their hug as she started to whisper in his ear, "hey dont tell hyunjin but, i was really only here to see you"

yn giggled to herself before happily walking out the room, leaving felix baffled at the confession she just dropped

"what the f-"

"felix, man!" a sudden sighting of jisung came up, "whats going on! why. are. you. still. in here. lets go? we have a reservation to catch.." jisung dragged felix and his bag out of the room

previous masterlist next

a/n: i am so wmbarssed actuslly at this, unfortunately there probably isnt gonna be any more than like 10 chapters after this one..im so sad i dont want it to be over

taglist open (send a note or click here to be added)

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[nahalism]

i was wondering, how did you get to develop your art? im currently in a process where i am trying to experiment and go beyond the need to create art that is realistic (as in "objectively like reality as it is", like I was being told by both school and family). i feel like I struggle a lot to follow my inspiration because of this, and I am also trying to learn how to draw scenes from my own ordinary life, but unfortunately I am quite impatient and frustrated with my inability to create what I wish to create + perfectionism in general makes me scared of using colour as well 😭 I really admire your art so much, both your sketches and finished pieces, and I have always wondered your own learning process throughout the years. please feel free to not reply if you feel uncomfortable cause I know it is a very personal process as well, and above all I hope you are doing well and I am sending you endless love <333

🥺🥺 this is so lovely to receive because if im completely honest there are multiple moments where i feel exactly as you've just described and despite pushing through it, a message like this is very validating that ive progressed in some way

i dont mind sharing at all. i started drawing/painting when i was 21/22 which is relatively late and i was so fearful because despite having a vision for what i wanted to create i lacked any skill that could help me bring what was in my minds eye to fruition. i was also insanely depressed and in the middle of getting my degree at uni (so felt like i had no time to pursue art, at least not to the extent i wanted to). — my plan to get better consisted of multiple things. id draw everyday. i had/have two styles i'd practice, one realism, and the other 'freestyle'? basically draw only from my head and from the rhythms that came naturally to my hand, no references. by doing that, or drawing the human figure/portraits/cars/buildings from my imagination, not only was i reinforcing what id actually learned from my study of the fundamentals, but i was learning to incorporate my own creativity into the rigid structure that sometimes comes from only drawing from reference. by doing that and drawing studies every day i began to build a library in my head of images/poses/character archetypes i could pull from which made drawing from my imagination easier, but also had the structural knowledge of forms/perspective/anatomy to make them look credible. id do this whenever i had free time, and once i left uni began practicing anywhere from 6-9 hours daily. a bit extreme but i felt like i had time to make up for since i started drawing relatively late in life. only tip there is to balance practice with making finished pieces. finished pieces will show you which fundamentals you still need to work on & how much progress you've made. they also show the completion of a thought whereas practice only gives you the tools to bring that thought to reality

just so u know, ur practice of the fundaments is not in vain. you just need to revive your own capacity to draw from your imagination/subconscious. the main thing is knowing your going to find your work horrible for a long time before it gets better. the joy has to come from the process of creating rather than the end product. by the time it gets better, your eye will also have improved, so you still wont be satisfied. thats where growth comes in. being your biggest critic is what will make you great, as long as you remember where you came from (date and keep your work so you can look back on it) and the role criticism plays. separate your skill from your self worth.

something helpful i was once told is along the lines of 'perfectionism is a lie we tell ourselves to justify our procrastination. no one is ever perfect, so the only way to gain skill is to practice. you cant grow if you dont begin. so if your really a perfectionist, your only solution is to start'

i would love to see your work someday and hope i will. wishing you luck and sending you all the courage to begin and be great. you got this <3

[intertexts]

ok false alarm i CANNOT send you the trivia until u finish the ep i forgot the Important Conversation is literally like. 5 of the last 10 minutes. HOWEVER. YOU HAVE MENTIONED MY FAVORITE WORLDBUILDING NICHE IN THAT I NEED 2 KNOWWWW HOW EVERYTHING IN NATURE WORKS. this is where im at with worm now too. so like. predator handshake.

one of my FAOVIRTEEEEE THINGS ABOUT PD WORLD EVER. is that there r so many people in the bg with just. mundane powers. u are going to see this thought repeated when i send u the 17 trivia but i need 2 talk about it NOW so i will risk sounding like a broken record. like. u remember the guy from the cartoon episode who was the barber? he had powers and it was super speed but only a little bit and only localized to his hands. and he used that to be a barber! there are so many people in the bg of pd that just. have shit like that. its normal. and they dont get into How or Why much but i think it is a combination of "born with them" or "caused by external forces" (like with william and dakota who did not have powers until Their Respective Incidents). theres alsoooo. not to talk about mark winters all the time but mark specifically uses his suits as a way to tap into his powers and make them stronger (the big fuckign. needles in his back) so it can be assumed that hes always had powers and only just recently(ish) found a way to magnify them and use them for villain shit. not everyone with powers becomes a hero or villain sometimes they just use them for . mundane everyday shit !!!! i love this. sorry i am rambling

also with ur whole question about earth. the lore for this is so batshit insane so i am gonna wait for the trivia bc i basically transcripted bizlys words for it and im not going to try to parse that in my current mental state (the things he says about mars . wild) HOWEVER i do think prime is physically very similar to earth in terms of time and seasons and physics and such. partly for the meta reason of thats what the players are automatically going to assume AND the in world reason of "planet extremely similar to your old home planet will be automatically easier to settle on"

for some reason i only have the three person version of this image but this is LITERALLY us over nature worldbuilding rn..... aughghghh. i LOVE this type of power talk i love mundane & normal & weird shit done with powers!!! its so good!!! (also this is delightful b/c it's also very much bnha worldbuilding on powers... i get 2 point & go HEY i know what your influences are!!) i like it so much.... such an interesting & tasty thing in relation to how & why all of that exact same stuff in worm works also.. aaaaaa. so excited for yr thoughts on the way this translates 2 the wormverse <33

+ that makes MUCH sense i AM going to nod sensibly and go yes makes lots of sense that prime is similar to earth. except for the part where france is ITS OWN SEPERATE PLANET. can't wait for the lore about why they're FUCKING MARTIANS though i'm sure it's gonna be great!!

[amisoma]

captalism is ruining our life

many have said it and many more will , we know ai is shit ,we've heard abt the writers strike but do we know the root problem

if we look at many recent tragedies ull realise its all captalism but why is captalism like this why captalism in basic means money for money its a term made for the industrial revolution we progress as a society together thats the idea aint it?

but if u look at todays society ull see that captalism is only helping the rich in captalism theres one man in power and everyone else works for him captalism dosent look at ppls value and indiviulism it just makes the rich richer u could argue it gives a sense of community and arent big problems

well then why did depression and suicide rates suddenly increase the exact thing i said can be translated intot he ai situation ppl are loosing thier jobs for ai even though we as consumers dont like it tell me truthfully how do u feel abt ai customer service ? good giddy ? ai situation is basicaslly happring bc ppl are already viewed as tools i can go into more detail but this post will become unbearably long if i do so ill make a dif post abt them

now lets talk abt where captalism starts what if i told u it starts from our school system? the unhappines hopelessnes and all power to the rich?

what do our school system focus on ull say its education but think abt it when ur scrolling through yutbe and fina cool scinece video dont u find it interesting and fun btu if the same concept is thought in school why is it boring? whats the differnce between home and school? think, by the question of thinking are u ever allowed to think subjects abt thinking are neglected at school arent they? art not imp writing not imp philoscophy not imp why is it that we have normalised kids being happy that their sick isntead of goin to school isnt it messed up u must be wondering what this has to do with captalism

well what other system requires students are calcuted by value and not human thoughts and ideas captalism

so my hindside is that captalism is ruining us since we wereb orn earth everyday and is like a bacteria that wont stop growing we need a alternative a system that sees ppl as ppl and not tools ik thi was kinda messy and maybe ill rewrite it but i just want ppl to know even though its hopeless everyone is hopeless so there can be change after all nothing unifies ppl more than a better place then this

[eddiiiieeee]

currently me and my ex (lets call him Eddie cuz i dunno what else to name him) that i mentioned are friends. but ive recently started dating this great guy (lets call him Saul (he's a big rock fan and adores Slash like me so) yk) anyway, Eddie disappeared for a good week claiming he was busy studying for his IELTs and sleeping during our half term break from school, on a thursday i told him about this guy ive been talking to (Saul). and he asks how old he is and i tell him oh 17-18 and he freaks out saying thats a large age gap (literally not cuz im the same age) so he ends up dipping again once i change the convo and when we get back to school on monday he replies and hes being sort of weird and his texts seem aggressive and i told my friends and my music teacher (my music teachers like my school dad) and they all thought he was jealous because of it and i just felt so angry because i know for a fact i didnt give Eddie my everything, my feelings, myself, my soul, just for the second i even decide to move on and like someone else, he gets jealous, so i decided to wait for him to talk to me, he never did, not even in school he completely avoided me and pretended to not hear me and his excuse was hes been diagnosed with diabeties on top of his already diagnosed but not medicate for, BPD. and then my mom caught me sending my boyfriend, Saul, like semi nudes (like yk swimsuit type pics). and she found out about me and Eddie because she didnt know and so i had my friends log into my instagram account to monitor it for me cuz my mom had access to my phone and all my accounts and my laptop. she ended up ripping all my posters off my door, taking my guitars, pictures that were hung in my room and my record player. shes also before found out about my scars and smashed all my vinyls. so me and her are good now, we're mending our relationship but the only way ive been talking to Eddie is through email and ive been talking to Saul through a secret snap account because she blocked him everywhere and will open my phone sometimes to go through it. basically ive been stripped of everything, saul understood full heartedly when i told him i wont be sending anymore pictures. and it just made me breakdown, because he told me that it didnt matter to him because as long as he gets to talk to me, and hear my voice and see those small snaps i send him everyday then it doesnt matter to him. like he told me he loves me a few days ago. and yet when Eddie said it, he told me he meant it in a 'ur cool' way. like who the fuck does that! anyway todays my grandpas one year, today marks the day my grandpa died and i emotionally shut down. everytime i saw that ive broken down, it just means i freeze up and stop talking, last time i felt something that deep to cry again since my grandpa was when Eddie broke up with me. and its like what the fuck. there is a shit ton i havent mentioned here yet, but theyre very main key points to the eddie story im writing and so i wont mention them rn, but also a little reminder, the titles of the chapters are actually songs you should listen to while reading the chapter

[beauleifu]

I love that were all talking about heartstrings cause it deserves deserves nothing less from love and support KAJAJA♡♡♡.

YOUR WRITING STYLE -

Is what makes your story so well and keeps me engaged and how you display certain scenes- IDK IT GUVES ME A RUSH OF SEROTONIN AND I AGREE WITH THE OWL ANON.

Everyday little things- invested in the story - makes me connect my everyday little things to remembering a certain detail I've read over and over again- it blows my mind how well your writing stained my brain, best writing pieces I've read.

HOW YOU WRITE CHARACTER.

Honestly props to Y/N they're SUCH A LEGEND - they're such a great character thats more than meets the eye. AND EVERYTIME THERES SUTILE LITTLE HINTS OR LORE DROP IM LIKE NAHH- don't tell me they did that- and I can't wait for the big reveal. Every other characters always in for funsies and them serving some purpose and not an empty introduction too I SEE WHAYS UP🤨✨(or maybe I'm just over overthinking everything- who knows)

Btw- I love Nuwa and Bolin- ur characters seem so realistic that you've brought them to life- (how long have you been writing??)

Syntax as a character- with only 5 minutes of screen time displayed about him. You took that shit and said- bet 🤨 AND PORTRAYED HIM WITH MORE EMOTION AND WITH REASONS TO BAVK IT UP HIS BEHAVIOR. I SOMETIMES QUESTION WITH Y/N THEORIES. THE LORE- ty ty for doing gods work 😤🙏🙏 basically Canon cause I say so 👀

ANITHER CHARACTER! THE MAYOR ಥvಥ - HES FUCKING SCARY BRO - even I was holding my breath while reading the tension suddenly pushed on us readers. AHH- THAT character given 5 mins of screen time but holds a stronger impression on LMK watchers with details seen in him. Executed his behavior and now leaving me anxious.

I honestly can't wait how the other Spider Demons will be portrayed too and seeing crumbs- y/n in for a treat 😭😭 I also wonder if they managed to find y/n place easier because the magic vase protects them but also welcomes them with this energy...

ANYWAYS

I think I wrote too much but I just wanted to to get these thoughts out cause I'm such a sucker for how well you've paced this story and attention to small details that I've connected LOLL- my reaction = Syntax realizing why so many candles. I'm scared that im over analyzing BUT YEAH HAHA

WHO ARE YOU

GRABIBNG

SHAKING

OH MY GOD. OKAY. THANK TOU. HHHFHFF

LiStEn. I've been writing for a good 2-3 years and honestly what keeps me actually WRITING this shit are things like this, its the littel things and i love that you guys notice that in the fic BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOUD NOTICE SO MUCH???? I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO EXPRESS MY GRAITTUDE FOR THIS BUT I CANT PUT IT INTO WORDS SO

SO UH

HUGS N CHOCOLATE N THE NEXT CHAPTER COMING OUT TONIGHT <33333333

[misc-obeyme]

hello hello, its sibling angst anon again ^^ i loved your response so pls dont apologize for the long ramble, bc i get like that about it too!! also, im glad you liked my song recs <3

speaking of those sibling slideshows i mentioned, for some reason tiktok has filtered them out so when u look them up, they dont show up??? you just kinda get them on ur fyp one day. or atleast thats what happens to me. but if u look up sibling webweaving here on tumblr, ohhh boy. its basically an amalgamation of different types of media be it poetry, song lyrics, shows and movies, and book excrepts all packaged as one that pertain to a theme. my fav is those about mothers and siblings, so unequivocally human. its like walking down a museum tbh.

and agh, i loved your thoughts on the demon bros sibling dynamics. plus yeahhh, its kinda hard to take anything seriously since it is an otome game, BUT who says u cant come up with your interpretations and thoughts? whos gonna stop you? anyway, each brother has a level of depth that is screaming to be fleshed out, but its all very surface level on game. belphegors burdening shame and regret from watching lilith die in front of him, and by extension beelzebub having the same feelings and/or his own guilt. (i remember belph talking about his trauma and the immersion immediately breaks off when an option pops up on the scream, "ask him to kiss you." LIKE. place and time!) asmodeus and lucifer, their entire relationship T_T speaking of which, satan and lucifer?! they're brothers, or say they are and the rest just kinda go with it. but does no one else wanna bring up how satan was even brought to existence? he was literally birthed from luci's wrath during the celestial war. thats like, a gateway for someone to write a long philosophical analysis about him and what it symbolizes. aghhudhwdhwhd i wish i could say more, but i'm literally out of words rn. if i was mc, i'd have to fight everyday to keep it together without breaking down and crying about this. espeically having to live under the same roof as them...ooofff

speaking of complex siblings dynamics, have you see succession? its a show on hbo. its about an ultra rich and powerful family that is ultimately, dysfunctional. theres four siblings and their relationship mean sooo much to me. i wont drop any spoilers just in case you dont know anything, but when i say dysfunctional i meant it!! one of the things i like about this show is that it doesnt have any flashbacks or show the backstories for most of the characters, rather they kinda drop pieces of information randomly and you just go ??? that happened ??? youd think it wouldnt be a good storytelling strategy bc how are you going to emotionally connect the story to your audience? but somehow, the show does it really well. for example, one of the brothers, roman, was heavily abused. and sometimes one of his siblings would go, "yeah i remember when dad used to heavily beat the fuck out of you" offhandedly, like its a cute little fun fact. and youre sitting there like....when did THAT happen??? ofc they wouldnt show it, but if you watch how roman and his father interact on show (roman is so submissive and scared next to his father) it starts to make sense. its like the "show dont tell" but they switch around to "tell and show." subtle interactions like that fully exposes a characters psychology. subtle body language goes a long way. theres also the eldest brother connor, whos seen as the father figure bc their real dad is so neglectful. but tbh connot gets shit on a lot and uuyfuefehfe theres more. i would talk about this all day. sibling angst got me on a chokehold.

anyway, sorry if i made 0 coherent sense but heres the end of the ramble T-T have a good day :3

(if i come back, can i be  🧬 anon?)

Welcome back! And of course you can be 🧬 anon, I will add it to the list!

Oh man, so I did a search for sibling webweaving and I was like woah what is all this lol. I had no idea there was a term for stuff like this, but I'm fascinated! I must not be getting the TikTok videos... admittedly my use of that platform is limited lol.

The thing about the otome game not delving into things means that we all get to speculate and come up with whatever we want. It's a blessing and a curse lol. On the one hand, I like being able to come up with my own interpretations. But on the other hand, it'd be nice to have just a little more depth that what we have.

I have thoughts about Belphie and specifically what happened in the OG with him. That was definitely a situation of, there is so much more going on here than they're bothering to get into. I also get that they can't really do a ton of that, partly due to the medium and partly due to the amount of characters they have to deal with. Like I think they can only choose to flesh out certain characters and the rest kind of end up on the back burner. Which is annoying because there's so much potential for so many amazing stories!

I also have a lot of thoughts about Satan and his relationship to Lucifer and everybody. It's like they give us just enough to make the story dramatic, but in the end everybody loves each other and so on and so forth. I'm not saying both Satan and Belphie shouldn't be able to reconcile what happened to them and move on, but it just happens so fast. It seems too easy. So I kind of headcanon it as, they hide everything. Not just those two, but all the brothers have a certain level of trauma that they just bury deep or at the very least don't display in front of MC. I know they make MC out to be the demon therapist, but nobody resolves their issues in one session and that's all they're normally limited to. But of course they don't have time to get into things that deeply in a mobile otome game lol.

I have not seen Succession! It sounds pretty intense. I think it's always interesting when media use different techniques to tell their story. Of course I have very little knowledge of how TV scripts are written, but for story writing, the way a character reacts can imply all kinds of past history, even if you don't know exactly what happened. Flashbacks are helpful, but I think it's interesting to have a bit of a mix. A character is always going to tell the story of their past a little differently than how it actually happened. And I find that it can reveal a lot about character just to see what they change or leave out when telling it. Of course, who they're speaking to can affect that as well. But it's definitely an interesting concept!

No worries, you made plenty of sense lol! You are always free to come back to my ask box if you so desire! <3

[webslingingslasher]

bff... i need ur perspective on this :’) this is rly long srry just take ur time! reply whenever u feel like it, or not<3

here goes another 🧚��‍♀️ lore from 2023 JSNFNDKJSHS

i had a crush on this guy around may-july 2023.. things were going rly well like he reciprocated my energy toward him, bantering here n there, and he was such a gentleman like yk basic stuff - opening doors for me, picked up n fixed my bag for me when it fell even if he didn't have to lol, always checking on me and helping me with hw (we were classmates), and he also prevented me from being seenzoned in the gc we were both in by telling me in our dm he'll reply to me in the gc ?? like for the sake of not being seenzoned,, i didnt mind at all but ok 🫂 he also mentioned that he prayed for me one time bc i was so stressed out w life and he prayed i won't be stressed anymore, n that i need to look after myself.. my ex-bffs thought it's silly and it wasn't an excuse to like him (??) but that time i thought it was sweet. i didn't have any evidence to think or know if he was lying or anything so.. 🤷‍♀️ i was just happy abt it and i thought, if things fuck up, i'll just deal with it when we get there.

and anw yea we were basically in talking stage, stayed up to talk and he was still the first person i talked to when i woke up haha and we also made time to see each other like we rly planned and included each other in our schedules to hang out.

good stuff right.. but like one time when we were getting to know each other (in person, my ex-bff was there with us), he told us he has a sister. but the next time we hung out, just the two of us, we talked abt video games and told me he'd watch his brother play. so i was like "oh so u have 2 siblings? bc u have a sister too" then he said "huh? no, it's just me n my brother" and i was like "???? wym u said u have a sister.." then he said "really? i said that?" TF DKKSJSJDJS.. even my ex-bff confirmed he said sister when the 3 of us hung out so im not making it up... n all my other friends told me thats just sus bc why be sus about family... i mean he sees them everyday?? and it's basic knowledge to know ur family 😭 my dad even said he might've lied and said he has a sister to make him seem like a green flag (assuming he'd know how to respect and properly treat women)

could be an honest mistake, sure, it happens. my friends and i even considered that his sibling might be non-binary or trans and maybe he wasn't in the position to tell us, that's understandable. but idk he still told me 2 diff things and i can't rly have someone who doesn't stand on what they say or do to me, like telling me one thing then another (i have severe trust issues..)

the thing is, when i start to doubt someone, especially when i think they lied and if i think they aren't genuine people, it's over. like that's my dealbreaker. (goes for my ex-bffs too)

so like... after that, whenever he msged me i became dry until i didn't open his one reply to me anymore. so i ghosted him.. he never msged after that, assuming he felt like he couldn't approach me.

i feel bad. like serious. im more bummed abt him than what happened w my ex friends ngl bc he rly was nice and i liked him, we were good until that. but there's sm uncertainty and i'm sure i hurt him bc he gave clear implications that he was interested in me. i'm assuming he also doesn't know what happened bc obviously i didn't confront him, so it's unfair for him.

i thought abt confronting him and to just be friends with him at least, i did. but i also thought - he would either apologize or say something that will make it okay to solve things.

1) even if he apologized, i'd have to wait for changed behavior. thing is, i only give one chance when it comes to trust, and i feel like that was ruined already, somehow. i mean, i can have disagreements with anyone about anything and it's fine, we can work through that. but if there comes a point where the trust is ruined, i'm done, and i can't wait around for changed behavior. it'll take up my time, and it's kinda unfair bc i never lied to him or gave him reasons to feel weirdly about me. it's not even hard to tell the truth about simple things.. also, why wait around when there's better, honest, and more genuine people out there (this also applies to my ex bffs) 😐 also if i wait for changed behavior, i'd basically be trusting him again to not do anything like that again. but he alr lost my trust to begin with so ?? lol

2) if he would say something to make it okay, i'd be giving him an advantage, and i'd be forced to stay with him, allowing him to think that what he did was fine.

3) i thought about being friends with him at least but i didn't rly want a liar friend or a friend that i'd doubt.. i don't want to have to doubt anyone's character in my circle... i don't need the stress.

my guy friends told me the bar was low and i deserve better, and i probably doged a bullet bc if he lies abt small things.. what about the more serious things? and it's a situation i didn't need to be in. like fr, no one's usually sus with their family 😭😭 so why put me thru that when no one else experiences it.. tf

but anw.... months later, around november actually, he added me in his close friends on ig ?? i only saw a couple of stuff like anime, class stuff, idk, nothing weird or anything. i think he removed me tho later on. but today i think he added me back LOL. i also noticed he'd check my stories once a week 😭

so like.. what the hell does that mean LMFAO we haven't talked nor seen each other in person since july. that's 6 months..

i didn't remove him from my socmeds in case we happen to be classmates again and work together and in the future as well. thought abt removing him but i might need the connection in the future for business bc we're entering the same field after all.. 🙇‍♀️

i'm not even mad anymore but like huh JNBJDSJHS

but anw yes. what do u think of this... is there anything i should do or not. speak ur mind please 🎙️ tysm ily

(this also just gave away that i'm avoidant. sorry. it comes from trauma😂 working thru it though. i believe i made an improvement when i confronted my ex bffs n broke up w them which happened after i ghosted him.. rip)

-🧚🏼‍♀️

oh my god girl.

he didn't say he was derek jeter, he said he had a sister. and then told you later on he only had a brother. if he wanted to lie, he'd continue the lie. instead, he confronted it and moved on. you didn't.

i have three brothers. i have gotten names and ages confused my entire life. it seems like an honest mistake and he acknowledged it. i'd get if it was a big lie, but it seems like this was a slip of the tongue.

maybe he was thinking of a friends sister.

maybe he was thinking his brother was a bitch.

maybe he was nervous.

we don't know. you just stonewalled him. long story short, if you want to at the very least be friends with him, let it go. if you can't, leave him alone.

what does it mean? he liked you. but i don't know if he still does.

[seph-ren]

i feel like somebody's capacity to feel and experience beauty that isn't intrinsically tied to a social or conventional norm somewhat equates to their unwillingness to accept control/limited autonomy. if your soul isn't constantly being fed, ur basically just a bag of walking flesh that is contrived by every minute facet of their surroundings with no impermeable barrier or filter through which contaminants can be sorted through. it opens up portals, dimensions, and most importantly free will. it takes having a cleansing agent to resist everyday monotony that can unknowingly lead to the danger of not even being control of your own thoughts.

thats why i find ai to be as scary as fuck. objectively it's not a bad thing, but in the context of the modern world?? the fact that you can just hijack young and impressionable minds and trick them into believing whatever they want. today it might be something as silly as sephora marketing to babies but the scale of it is incomprehensible and even though everybody was making jokes about it i was like "yeah we're fucked". its all linked to our inability to consciously consume media, which technically older generations weren't taught to do but WE are the ones getting fucked over bc of it. we used to live in separate spheres and cultures but now our minds r sort of homogenized regardless of where we dwell. its kind of like franchises as opposed to local shops but now its like our habits and ways of thinking based on where we live is being centralized into this one thing?? it destroys culture and any individual thought. no, we are not entering an age of "revolutionized marketing" . we r just being actively manipulated without even knowing it.

was listening to an excerpt from a toni morrison interview with the paris review and had to pause and take a breath because she said “I think of beauty as an absolute necessity. I don’t think it’s a privilege or an indulgence, it’s not even a quest. I think it’s almost like knowledge, which is to say, it’s what we were born for. I think finding, incorporating and then representing beauty is what humans do. With or without authorities telling us what it is, I think it would exist in any case. The startle and the wonder of being in this place. This overwhelming beauty—some of it is natural, some of it is man-made, some of it is casual, some of it is a mere glance—is an absolute necessity. I don’t think we can do without it anymore than we can do without dreams or oxygen.”