#thats at least a few more wishes then
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I am so so glad that Kazuha likely won't have a rerun until Summer because rn I'm really doing everything I can to get the last few Primos in my world to pull for Wriothesley to hopefully win the 50/50 and get his C1.
My brain pretty much looks like this rn
#i totally didn't spend 30 minutes to put every achievement i have into a checklist just so I have a better overview of hidden ones I miss#theres only three hangouts left i can do#and a handful of sets in the teapot#luckily the monthly shop and abyss reset soon#thats at least a few more wishes then#i think with everything i could get together a 10 pull but thats pretty much it#praying that I get lucky and dont lose to Diluc *again*#Wriothesley#fabshroom ramble
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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Recent game related things .. hrmm...
#I do like the inconsistency of the first map. that is actually something older but that I re-found and added to my Game Reference stuff#so that when characters reference where they're from I can be accurate. I like that the whole map is kind of shifted up that way. Where the#actual south part doesnt even count as the south since its Too Far and Scary lol. and if you say you're from 'the north' thats basically#like.. one single continent. Though some people do make distinctions like 'north midlands' or etc. still. I like the ways that common#language isn't always precisely accurate like that. and thinking about why a culture would classify things a certain way or etc. etc.#The inventory page is so funny to me because it's literally just the BASe like.. sample layout just to make sure it works properly with 0#actual design into it. just colored rectangles thrown together in MS paint. but what if I like... left it like that.. what if all the other#art in the game and UI is like stylized and fully matching BUT the inventory/journal/etc. screens I just left as plain colored blocks#with random misalignments and black spots and etc gjhbhjj... It looks unfinished in a Funny Contrast way to me.#the wordcounts are just like... my past few days of writing.. I am still not getting 2200 words a day done or whatever I needed. I'm lucky#if it's even half of that .... tee hee.. :3c I do also keep having appointments and other things going on but..grrr...#The full map of the area is probably not necessary but I thought it would be more realisitc if people were able to reference things. Like i#you have people all living in a city area probably at some point someone might mention a neighboring city or some landmark nearby#or etc. so I thought having at least the basic names of what's around for reference would be sensible. A side character mentioning#'oh yeah I don't live here full time I just travel from Marisene sometimes' or whatever makes it seem more like a Real#Fleshed Out Place than people just making vague references like 'the river' or 'i come from a city nearby' or 'i went to a place somewhere#around here' or 'the other city' or etc. lol.. Especially since global cities/global areas are weird as they operate almost like an#independent country within their walls. so it's like a micro country inside of another country usually. just plopped down in some agreed#upon plot of land that won't be too disruptive to the main country around it. That could get very complex depending on the cultural and#political backdrop of where they're placed (though obviously they try to choose the 'easiest' areas possible for it). Asen is a very mild#country without much history of conflict or anything so it's fine. But still interesting that Sifeh and the entire branched out global area#border three other districts of Asen. Which means like 3 times the local representitives you'l have to negotiate with for some major change#or anything. I think one of the 'random characters you can find around the world and have short discussions with just to make the area#feel more populated and real even though theyre not actual important npcs' is going to be a guy who actually serves on the council that#handles running the global areas and he's like.. some perpetually exhausted middle aged elf running around with a clipboard or whatever#ANYWAY...... hrgh... still trying to write when I can....#I WISH so badly that I had the scope for a simple character creation menu and all character interactions would allot for the background#of your player character. And also to have a simple day night cycle where places in the world you explore/people you talk to during the day#have new options or dialogue at night.. BUT alas... I already am so behind on everything as is lol.. aughhh... T o T#As the worlds number one Needless Detail And Complexity Enjoyer i must dilligently prevent myself from adding additional complexity
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BTW if you haven't already please take a minute to look up what venomous snakes are local to you and familiarize yourself with them
#i joined a local snake ID group recently#before that i knew roughly how to spot a pit viper and hownto tell a coral from a scarlet snake#but i didnt really know how to identify specific species other than copperheads#and now im very confident in my ability to tell water snakes from cottonmouths etc#and it gives really nice peace of mind#like. ive seen so many people here in the us south that will freak out of Any snake#my mom once was yelling and crying trying to get help over a kingsnake on the sidewalk cuz she didnt know if it could kill the dogs#and people will kill snakes if they dont know [and often will anyway but knowing helps foster appreciation]#and now i can see a snake and say thats a coachwhip. isnt it pretty. and will gently grab the back end to look at it for just a second more#before letting it go hide#idk. i saw a rattlesnake in the woods today#and its the first time seeing one in the wild like that. and yea it was scary tbh#and i got a pic but booked it out once it noticed me and reacted#but i wish i had stopped and watched it longer cuz it was super pretty#and i know it wouldnt have bothered me at all#im just glad that we've seen two big full sized diamondbacks here in the past few months. and i know theyre two individuals#because eastern diamondbacks are declining and its good to know theres a population here#idk. im getting sentimental over snakes i just love them#but my main point is its so easy to indentify snakes at least where im at#and learning to id them comes with learning to respect them
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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I opened the doc my teacher sent me of her revisions for my persuasive speech and felt the 50000 tons of grief I was ready to have dropped on my head dissipate into the wind like dandelion seeds ... houhughfdsugohdfosughdsofughfdsoughsdfjkghsdfkjghkjdfshgdsfgfdfdsgdfgjdhfugutigherotugher < - what pure relief looks like
#my rambles#im glad. because my eyes were GLUED to the rubric as I was writing it#I haven't done much drawing these last few days#I need to get on it#I wish I managed my time better . when I'm not doing my assignments i'm sitting on my ass thinking about doing my assignments#I could have so much more free time if I stopped procrastinating#I wish id least do something PRODUCTIVE when I'm set on shirking the shit I Need to do#im like.. noo I don't have the time to work on any of my animations or learn music#or finish the second part of my hs comic thats already taken me over a year to make#but I DO have time to sit around and. I don't fucking know what I do but it's never what I need to be doing#sitting and trembling whether it be in the shower or at my desk
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Saying Goodbye to My Mask event on project sekai may have been a premonition of having my own mental health tank to the same level as Mafuyu's because well. Let's just say. The depression. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
#miko talking#well. even though i try to get help it feels like my parents sabotage me more#the only comfort is realizing my feelings and wondering about it#frankly i dont like acknowledging them bc then i feel like im not playing up to the role everyone expects of me but#i want to express it in my stuff but I've been losing my will to keep drawing and writing and i guess#this is what depression is like. i just never expected to find myself actually going through it#i thought i left that era of havingthe worst time of my life but i feel like these past few years#are definitely my most worst#i think thats one thing games like pjsk has me realizing#and why i find comfort in n25#because to me they feel like pieces of me that have been written down#idk why im ranting lol??? i just want to be honest with how i feel but i end up going back to trying to be a people pleaser#ewwwww. i hate this. in truth i dont like people all that much. neither do i like making new friends#it's crazy because I'm always saying sure! when someone asks even though i know I'm not going to feel anything from it#sorry..... but I don't care enough anymore.... maybe one day i will#but right now not really..... at least at the moment.#these friendships with followers are in truth just parasociality and i dont want it after what happened the first time#especially with how two-faced/double standards people are like#people are the worst ^^ i wish the world was a kinder place for everyone but i dont know how much longer i can keep up with this#if only people minded their own business. im not someone to be babied by people who think they know better.#what a pain (◕ᴗ◕✿)
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All right I did it I checked out the one piece live action. I've never seen one piece. This might drag me into the huge ass anime. (I might read the manga in japanese but that's more a For Practice reading choice thing)
Anyway koby is my guy. Koby paralleling and contrasting Luffy is <3 and it's gonna hurt I imagine
Much more to say later lol. I still have a couple eps to go
And of course. Obviously but. Either Netflix is gonna have to Not Cancel or another studios gonna have to buy this right cause like... I doubt the creator is gonna want a dead end 1 season live action when the manga and anime are still ongoing for Over A Decade
#opla#rant#lb#also like. dude koby is just <3 on my screen#morgan davies is like. what i wish i looked like. i kinda do look like that just 40 pounds heavier and curvier#i heard morgan uses they them and like idk. my mom saw koby and just automatically went with koby#and kobys got pink hair and a haircut ive had many times actively. ive had that haircut 3 times this year and in pink twice this year#and its just nice idk seeing a world full of people seeing koby how i wish the world saw me#and luffy! luffy is great. idk im a Big live action acting fan its why i watch cdramas and not donghua#i actually think the show could do with at least 2 filler ish episodes. and would do better with 16-20 ep seasons (maybe 40 minute eps)#because so far the scarcest thing in the plot is those silly filler moments that BUILD character bonds#so u care about their relationships and closeness to each other#i liked the nami and zoro touching moments. but i think theyd work better if wed had a Few More crew#just socializing or being silly together or drinking or eating or lost together scenes#like an extra 10-20 minutes total is all thats needed. but i think its needed
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wheres the "why is it so saaaad" image with the cat with big sopping watering eyes ouauauuugh how I feel is the embodiment of that
#ow....... my heart 🥹#im not even really sad about anything specific its just been such a long week. and probably the comedown is enhancing it#i just want to cry snottily into someones shirt for like half an hour and maybe ill be okay#its just so haaaard. and i think the meds do help a bit but it still takes effort on my part too. and it sucks a ljttle bit that theyll-#take a while to get used to and maybe therell still be some side effects anyway. and also they could be stopped by shortages at any time#i guess it just scares me a bit the idea of depending on smth like medication just to get a little closer to being a functional human#i wish that came with existing already.. but no point lamenting abt it. the cards have been dealt and its not all that bad really#i just want to be happy.... not all the time but maybe a solid 60-70% of the time. if thats not too much. dont we all girl!!#ah my life is pretty good as it is though and i have a lot to be grateful for. but im allowed to want a little more... right 🥹#im going to go to beddddd. hopefully ill sleep better tonight and tomorrow will be a nice day. at least i dont have to work yayy#ahhh. also its my birthday soon and it always makes me sad coming up to and having a birthday i dont know why..#i dont mind getting older but i guess it makes me feel quite reflective and sometimes its hard to think about the past/future#i want to be able to celebrate birthdays and let people be nice to me and have fun about it! and i say every year ill try better at it#but i never manage to get there it always feels like too much to ask for and too much to take.. ah. well its okay really#ill make myself a cake and do smth fun. and have a good cry at some point but thats just part of the day#not for another few weeks anyway.. okay 10pm lights out zzzz#.diaries
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#HELPP ok i have thoughts.my thinking cap back on#LOVEE the ending as far as the actual direction goes yk.like people seeing (literally) the pain&plight of plants#and vowing to protect and look after them w utmost care#loved that knives technically survived the fall and the aftermath esp in recruiting someone to care for vash#BUTTT i dont know how i feel ab his death ;___; the symbolism w the apple tree and him using the last of his energy is sweet#and i dont think i would dislike it necessarily if we just had more time#to marinate in his story.i think... the ending does not give u a lot of time to reach the full conclusion#i think that theres a whole side to his story i WISHH nightow explored and i wish we had seen knives turmoil and vashs acceptance of his#experiences more than the select few scenes we got beforehand. its soo rushed T_T DONT GET ME WRONG im still more or less satisfied that#we didnt get an ending like.. oh everyones dead and miserable and vash killed knives and ppl never learn to coexist right#like it could actually be so thematically worse BUTT im just like. THATS ITTT??? THATS ALL..sitting here twiddling my thumbs#waiting for a complete resolution thatll never come to be.and it sucks bc i wish i could look towards stampede to get that neat wrap up#but stampede completely altered knives' story and fell into the nasty horrid pittrap of aligning him with reprehensible values#so no conclusion of theres will ever touch on max!knives' conclusion and i think that is the thing im looking 4 the most#no conclusion of theirs* sry LAWL#also read some posts (by trigum LUVV ur analyses btw i need to rb some now that i finished) that the max ending#doesnt give vash an ACTUAL ending. we reach the climax in his confrontation with legato and then his commitment to save knives#but anything beyond that just doesnt exist. MY GODD imagining a reality where we got like 5 more chapters at LEAST to#give it a hearty ending#anyways. the reporter bit is so cute im bummed they went straight to that in stamp :sob: best like... cute ending fr#trigun spoilers#trigun maximum#trigun#vash
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Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 4.5 // Part 5 // Part 6 //
Hopefully I can get at least the next part out before work kills me. Unlikely but I will try ahaa
#aesop carl#identity v#identity v embalmer#victor grantz#identity v postman#unconcerned comic#modern ghost au#at this point im just doing whatever the hell i want to. although i guess thats what ive always been doing HAHAHAHAH#god i dread going back to work. im never gonna be able to draw again for the next 6 months#i wish i could find a job that like. has better work life balance. but i damned my ass to this profession for a while#my comics are gonna be more simple rn. i dont think my energy is going to be any better rn#i didnt manage to draw anything for christmas just cos i was so tired. this comic took me way longer than id like it to be#i was doing like a page a day. thats so slow. head in hands#which is also why i dont think ill be able to get out the next part of the comic soon. but if not then im seriously just going to like#disappear off the face of the earth for a few more months. which i personally hate#i planned at least until part 4. please brain let me have this before next week. i know thats a tall order. god
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once i come back from my trip i think... there's gonna be some big changes
#theres a Lot of mutuals ive been trying to interact w who ignore me and a fair few I've stayed mutuals w#just bc it feels like i have to#and it has made tumblr feel. very lonely#i know this time of year just gets like that#but like. theres people who i used to be close to and talk to a lot who i can not get a reply from ic or ooc these days#and like people move on thats fine its just. idk it sucks#and i know im guilty of being slow sometimes and messages sometimes get missed if im overwhelmed but#i try very very hard to at least reply sometimes or acknowledge peoples posts/existence#but it only feels like 3 or 4 people actually want me here or want to talk to me#idk i love rping and i love being here but this is a collaborative hobby and it feels very much like everyones got people except me#the two people that i talk to every day mean the world to me i love u guys#but outside of those 2 and like 3 other people who like my posts i just feel. like im only a number in peoples follower counts#maybe come the end of jan people will be back online more and I'll feel better but idk#i just try so hard to be here all the time and have completely fucked my sleep schedule on Many occasions#just to hang out and talk w people and i throw my all into trying to be here and have friends and be interesting#and i guess im just. not? and it sucks but it is what it is i guese#i just wish that this wasnt such a lonely place bc im so tired of deleting a bunch of posts constantly bc they get no notes#and it makes me feel like my blog looks messy and bad for anyone new whos looking#i just constantly feel like i have to apologize for existing here and its not fair thats not what this is meant to be#i miss having friends here. people used to like me and im not sure what changed
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crying and throwing up arsonists lullabye by hozier is a hdb song
being constantly surrounded by the fire since he was a kid, since birth being born in a hospital people go die to and during the revolution, and so being drawn to it, something that would shape his life
also " when I was a man I thought it ended, when I knew love's perfect ache, but my peace has always depended on all the ashes in my wake" just.............
#my posts#and for my own blogs organization#disco elysium#i dont think i can say more about it im not the best at articulating but. you know what i mean. i. will think about it#also theres the thing about 'when i was a kid i heard voices some would sing and some would scream you soon learn-#-you have few choices i learned the voices die with me' and. well. yeah#i wish i could say this properly. but fuck it i will make it incoherently like this bc thats what i can do#you do what you can with what you have but yeah#.... also this happened bc this song appeared on a daily mix i was playing and i cant stop relating hozier to blorbos SFIUSHDGIU#its easy its fun from every media i will connect a blorbo to hozier somehow at least by a song or lyric like this#i know that if i heard more of his songs again i COULD find more#....... i dont think i will at least not for now sfiusgh anyways!
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Some vocaloid songs shouldn't be covered because too much is lost from a human singing it and sometimes vocaloid songs shouldn't be covered because every single damn person who tries gets the vocals fundamentally wrong
#rat rambles#this is a joke but also non breath oblige Im so sorry sweety I understand you at least (vocally)#ofc I dont actually care how ppl cover it I just find it funny how so many ppl take such an overly soft approach to it#also Im pissy that I cant find any covers that just fucking scream it by the end gmdjdndkd#honestly. I kind of wish that the sekai cover was actually good cause god I would kill for a good ena solo for it#its not actually that bad buts very eh to me. like yep thats sure a cover#tbf at least they didnt whisper the part™ like a lot of ppl do buttt they still hold back too much for my taste#also sorry but miku drags down the cover a Lot in my opinion#but yeah non breath oblige my beloved one of like 3 pino songs I actually like fjgndjfndh#and one of them is the world hasnt even started yet and Only the wxs version the original just sounds so lonely to me dnfkfbshd#but yeah one of my favorite parts of non breath oblige is how the vocals starts out soft and then insensify over the course of the song#so seeing that in so few covers is saddening 😔#I live in a sad world 😔 (has ideas for cool cover stuff and imediately expects someone to have done it by now)#blows a kiss to rabu ka one day someone will make a version with funky instrumentals and then I can actually listen to you more
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once i get through the post trip depression i will be more normal again
#ive been saying ill get more normal for years#i keep trying to take steps to make my life better but then i always need to take more steps and its never better enough#having everything i want for a few weeks and then being plonked back in real life before it can be more than an ephemeral shadow of a life i#could have lived is doing shrimp things to my brain#if it wasnt for janet i rly might have rolled the dice and stayed which is objectively insane whatever thats not the point#i wish i couldve stayed a few more weeks at least#im looking at moving closer to my city at least. like now i have a clearer idea of what i want out of my life#im trying to do something with it#i might make flyers to see if i can find a roommate
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dearly beloved you are in the presence of a man who has seen all of dw*
*not counting the original series or the audio or any of the prose or any of the spinoffs and probably other things im forgetting about
#YAYYY. it was fun#im very intrigued i did like the newest season i sorrrrt of. hrmm. i had fun and i do understand that like. a lot of the stuff was From the#old series lol so i suppose i cant complain but i personally wish there was less likee. god stuff/fantasy stuff just bc i prefer it more#sci-fi at least for dw. this is just my opinion... but i had fun regardless i rly liked ncutis doctor i thought he was so fun#and i also like that even tho hes like. clearly Better at dealing with his stuff he isnt fully pver it and isnt perfect i like that it felt#nice ^_^ i kind of regret being high for like 2 entire episodes but in my defense i didnt realize there were so few in the season... mixed#feelings on this im kinda sad that we only got like. however many eps with ruby BUT i like rhat her story was like. it felt satisfying and#stuff and it had a defined ending and im glad she isnt going to like. overstay. Like someone else i know#flood hss me very eyes bc my mom told me abt how her outfits match rpev companions which i didnt notice#AND. she was wearing fucking claracwntric outfit in the scene where she went clever boy. ill kms before this continues . get her out of h#<- joking. i dont actually hate clara that bad she judt kind of annoyed me a lot and she just like. Stayed around. for so long#and i am sick of her 😭😭 i dont find her interesting at allll i liked her better when she was a dalek and or a victorian lady but tis what#tis. YAY! yay. idk who my favorite doctor was.... difficult to decide#missy easily favorite incsrnation of the master Obviously like thats genuinely my precious princess#and donna my favorite companion That is literally my precious princess.
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