#that's why i started thinking of my own relationship w violence

[the-acid-pear]

Y'know I do wonder what it says about me how I went from venting frustrations by having X being X to putting L.L. on a blender. I mean undeniably part of it is tied to my ever growing anxiety, hell, you'd argue there's parallels to be drawn between current L.L. treatment and Juan's when I was in highschool (there's so much that I daydreamed about yet never became canon but that guy christ my poor guy 😭) and y'all know how I was in highschool aka miserable and also very scared of real things (had to walk on eggshells always) but also non real things (I was tripping balls and a man with corpse paint is hiding behind my bathroom curtain ready to kill me‼️ among other things) but that still doesn't quite explain what prompted X to be made. What was I going thru that was so exclusive to that moment it didn't happen before or after? Bc X while eventually getting the blender treatment too (that's just my ocd tbf that I understand easily I'm a guilty guilty man and I need to fuel my own guiltiness by doing more bad tm things) he's usually the one pushing others in it. Hell the sheer fact he exists and the reason why he's called X is bc I didn't want to use L.L. for the story I originally wrote of him - just had to save this as a draft could you imagine I forget I hit post limit and lose this entire thing? - and named him X as a sort of place holder. He also is EXCLUSIVE referred as X there too to give him pronouns was too personal (I still use x/xs for him occasionally but way less). And it's not like L.L. doesn't have a few crimes under their belt they've pushed people in blenders too they've had mayor arcs about this in fact even all the way back to Japan their very first place this was present and that was a symptom of Thing in fact when L.L. spoke there they were referencing them who was violent and proud but L.L. was Ashamed of this violence and yes this is present with X too but where on earth did this overwhelming urge to enact it came from? Because I Am a violent man that I won't deny lately especially the urges to break bones and throw shit are overwhelming but not as much as when I walked down the streets daydreaming of every possible way I'd have to kill someone with the coldness of someone who is expecting this to happen (while not past the age of 16 and younger). Though I suppose Sheina WAS a vehicle for this too just like X let's not forget she did torture 4 ppl for a long while and that scene was written twice no less.

I guess there was always a side of... A taste for creative violence in me as far as I have memory and Sheina and X are symptoms of this even L.L. too but I guess I just have burnout? LMAO yeah maybe it's as simple as that. I did know a lot of me spiraling is a need to convince myself it's bad enough to allow myself to feel this. Maybe this whole thing is as simple as . Got distracted thinking of other things remember there was a Point to X character development that I was supposed to change? Which is a thing in universe too bc i never changed and neither did him he just turned it down? And it's now nothing but just another thing that happens that people don't question because X learnt to behave? Worth saying too X was a bit of a show off like when he had to stop originally was his own fault for literally telling L.L. and Can about it which directly affected them both. It really is all about doing bad things only to experience consequences except X wasn't guilty ORIGINALLY. Which is funnier than it's interesting. Although in his base story you can see him slowly get softer and softer.

I'm losing track but I feel they're both a form of downward spiral. But with X there was a whole Climax. There's never that with L.L. . X was an attempt to take control in a time where I had none while L.L. is just a cry for help and portrait of the absurdity of it all. It's also an escape from control itself too, you'd say. Perhaps represents my reality in that sense. It's that paralyzing uncertainty of isolation in dependency. It also it's a legit reflection of me Forgetting I can take control of situations after all until now only Once in modern time has L.L. done so. (They killed a guy. They mangled the shit out of him. They came to work shaking covered in blood. But irl realizing yes that is an option there is a way out was such a great relief.) But there's also the Consequences and the rammys which tie back to what I said before about the paralyzing nature.

And thing which is funnier than everything else is: fuckin what will happen to L.L., huh? Like not only bc I'm writing the story but even in universe. They've killed like 4 people (2 relatives 2 strangers, maybe even more I forgot about too) they don't even exist legally they love going to prison. Nothing is more dangerous to them than their own lack of self confidence.

I seriously don't know where this overwhelming upsetness and... Lack of confidence yeah animal fear and all came from. They were always here but when did they overpower else? Where did this weakness and I mean that in the most literal sense of it too weak like an overworked muscle.

Got distracted again but I guess it's similar to X too like this seeking of a climax of this big turning point except not at all there was that L.L. literally tried to kill themselves and it was a remarkable deal but then it became standard bc Yeah.

Maybe it's like AJJ said and I deserve displeasure and I really want to cry and I think you should spit on my face because I am a werewolf.

I think that's the best I can do for a conclusion idk what I'm saying anymore spent a whole hour or so typing this.

Though it's worth saying I did start thinking of this bc the X gene if you will the Xeske nature never left me it's just buried deeper.

I feel the issue is I keep trying to reach for a happy ending I keep walking down nails waiting for something good to be on the other side but I have no idea what it looks like.

Siiigh alright I'm done typing now it's 1 am ok. Sad conclusion. Though it's not like X had any sort of happy ending already stablished my man is still doing the same. But he did meet other things. He did manage to find some peace after trying and trying again. I guess L.L. is just experiencing the hopelessness I am. I mean the face ripping off thing that was just a real mental breakdown. Arc words too nothing ever changes when they peaked from under their arms and showed what was a single eye and goopy messy blood.

So I guess it's as simple as L.L. gets blended because I don't have the strength for malice I just want thing to get better but can't find a way out. X was for digging a tunnel L.L. is for failing the climbing class.

[miryum]

"The Box"

Summary: Detective!Jason Todd x detective!Reader based on Jake and Amy’s relationship

Series Warnings: Swearing, descriptions of violence (but nothing descriptive), guns and other police stuff

Series Masterlist

“I'm Lex Luthor.” A man strode into the precinct and rapped a fist on Damian’s desk. He was wearing a crisp suit and his bald head had been shined. “Detective L/n asked me to drop by.”

Damian’s eyes flickered up to the man before going back to his origami knives. He had found a new tutorial on YouTube that promised sharper cuts. “Mm, yes. The CEO who murdered someone. Spoiler alert: they think you did it.” He flagged down another officer. “Duke, can you show him to interrogation room C, please?” He waved to Lex and snickered. “Have fun in there.”

“Thank you.” Luthor drew his lips into a thin line.

A couple minutes later, Captain Wayne stood by Y/n as they watched Lex Luthor behind a two-way mirror. “What are you smiling about?” he asked.

“How uncomfortable this guy is,” Y/n replied. “I jacked up the thermostat, got the table all sticky, made one of the chair legs too short, and worst of all, I had Damian greet him.”

“What did you have him do?”

“I told him to be himself.”

Wayne shook his head. “Poor son of a bitch.”

Y/n glanced at her capitan before asking, “Why are you wearing a tuxedo? You look like Fred Astaire.”

“I take that as a high compliment, but I’m not off to sing the number one song of 1935, Cheek to Cheek, which was top of the charts for fifteen weeks and the following year was nominated for the Best Song Academy Award to The Way You Look Tonight.”

Y/n stared at him until she muttered, “I’m not even surprised anymore.”

“Clark and I are attending the opera,” Wayne explained simply.

“Ooh, the opera. Is it the one Bugs Bunny sings?”

“Yes.” Wayne turned away from Y/n and asked, “So, who's this?”

“Lex Luthor,” Y/n said proudly. “We have a clear motive, clear means, a nonexistent alibi, but the DA won't bring a charge because it's all circumstantial. If we wanna bring this guy down, we have to get him to confess right here, right now.”

Wayne raised a brow. “An interrogation with a ticking clock and everything on the line? I better call Clark and tell him I won't be attending the opera.” He pulled out his phone and began dialling. “There's someone else I'd rather hear sing.”

“Oh, damn!” Y/n covered her mouth appreciatively.

“Hello, Clark. I won't be joining you at the opera tonight-”

“Oh, sorry,” Y/n shushed herself. “I didn't know-” 

Wayne cut her off, saying, “it's under my name, W-A-Y-N…”

Y/n squinted at him and finished her sentence, “you were on the phone already….”

Wayne poured over the case file which stated facts, showed pictures, and other minute details. “You're right.” Wayne nodded. “He did it. But we have no murder weapon, no witnesses, and you really didn't find any usable forensic evidence?” He was doubtful that his best detective found nothing.

“The body was discovered rotting in Ocean View. It'd been rained on for weeks and chewed up by coyotes,” Y/n explained. ”The only other DNA other than the victim’s was some bear semen found in the hair.”

“Right. Who found the body?”

“Hikers,” Y/n replied. ”You're really just gonna blow past the bear semen detail?”

“I imagine a bear mistook the rotting corpse for a female of its species and had intercourse with it.” He waved her away. “Nothing I haven't seen before.”

“It isn't?” Y/n stared at him, aghast. “I am fascinated by your life,” she whispered.

“Let's get in here.” Wayne cracked his knuckles. “Start working this guy.”

“Oh.” Y/n clicked her tongue and crossed her arms. “You're gonna come in with me? I just thought maybe you'd watch from out here, you know, pull me out when I'm getting a little too hot, possibly?” She waved her hands around. “Call me a loose cannon. You know, classic captain stuff.”

“L/n, do you know what I miss about being a detective?” He answered his own question, “a good interrogation.” He clapped a fist into his open palm. “Breaking suspects down.” He lowered his voice. “Talking quietly and then talking real loud! Looking away and then looking right in their eyes.” His eyes flared at Y/n and then he leaned casually on the desk.��“Leaning.”

“That was amazing,” Y/n gaped.

“So, can I join you?” Wayne straightened his cufflinks.

“Well, a lot of these techniques do work better with two people: you know, good cop-bad cop, crazy cop-sane cop, chill cop-ADHD cop. Wanna be ADHD cop?”

Capitan Wayne deadpanned, “I think you have that covered.” He turned away and said, “let's do this!”

Y/n strode into the interrogation room where Lex stopped fidgeting with his uneven seat. “Hello, Luthor.”

Lex hummed and greeted, “detective.”

“This is Captain Bruce Wayne,” Y/n gestured to Wayne who was brooding in the corner like a vigilante watching over their city. “He's a bit of a legend in interrogation circles. Hey, Cap-i-tan, who's the scariest person you've ever gotten a confession out of?”

“Abner Krill,” Wayne said. “He was known as Polka-Dot Man.”

Y/n’s nose scrunched up. “Okay, I thought it was gonna sound a little cooler, but whatever.” She clapped her hands together and sat down across from Lex. “So, shall we recap the night that Axel Granite was murdered? Friday the twenty second? I believe you were the last person to see him alive, correct?”

“No.” Lex raised a brow. “I'd imagine whoever killed him saw him after I did.”

“Ooh, nice dodge,” Y/n complimented and  leaned back in her chair. Finally; a challenge. “Tell us about Friday.”

“I had a late afternoon meeting.” Lex matched her stance, leaning back as well. He seemed relaxed- one leg was propped on the other, hands were loosely clasped on his lap, and eyes smiling. “A simple board meeting. It wrapped up around six o’clock, and Axel and I talked after. He had just wrapped up his last appointment.”

“And why do you have a doctor on sight?” Y/n asked.

“In case of any emergencies,” Lex answered easily. “We also take blood samples for some of the experiments we conduct at LexCorp, so we need him handy.”

“And who else was in the office?”

“My secretary and driver had gone home, and Cheryl, who‘s usually one of the last to leave, left early because her niece had a school play,” he explained.

“So it was just you and Axel? No witnesses?” Y/n hummed. “That's lucky.”

He shook his head. “Not lucky at all. There was nothing to witness. Axel just wanted to talk about firing one of our employees, Gretchen.”

“And that's all you discussed?” Y/n clarified.

“Yeah.”

“Nothing else?”

“Nah.”

“Zero other subjects were mentioned?”

“None. We just talked about Gretchen.”

“Right.” Y/n squinted at him. “And, of course, there's no way for me to check if that's true, because whoever took Axel’s phone wiped all of his calendars. Except…” She flipped open her notepad and sucked a breath through her teeth. “It was all backed up on his home laptop. Would you like to hear what he said the meeting was about?” She cleared her throat and read aloud, “Seven P.M. talked with Lex about-" 

“Missing equipment,” Luthor finished. Once again, he mimicked Y/n and sucked in a breath. “Ooh. Did I get that right?”

“Uh, yeah.” Y/n closed her notebook and said, “But ‘missing equipment’ hardly sounds like ‘firing Gretchen.’ So maybe you want to explain…”

“He thought Gretchen was stealing lab equipment. That's why he wanted to fire her.” He inspected his nails. “Any other questions?”

Wayne suddenly started chuckling. Honestly, Y/n had forgotten that he was there. “Boy, you really thought you had him with that one, huh?”

“Well, I…” Y/n’s mouth dropped open.

“And you got so excited for it… Let me guess, you, ah, practised the notebook flip?” 

“Uh, Captain, something's come up in the case. Can I talk to you outside for a sec?” Y/n interrupted. Once they were outside, she cried, “What the hell are you doing in there? You totally undermined me.”

“I know, and I apologise.” Wayne held up a hand. “But I'm executing a strategy.”

“Oh, really, and what strategy might that be?” She placed her hands on her hips. “Make Y/n feel like an idiot?”

“No, I want Luthor to underestimate you and fear me. I'll badger him with my superior intellect, while simultaneously belittling you. Once Luthor dismisses you as a threat, I'll leave you alone with him, and he'll let his guard down.”

Y/n glared at him and mumbled, “ If I didn't know any better, I would say you're describing smart cop-dumb cop.”

“Look, I thought you had him on the calendar reveal,” Wayne conceded. “But he was a step ahead. You got flustered, and I realised in the moment we could use this to our advantage.”

“So what do you want me to do, ask stupid questions?” Y/n shrugged dramatically.

“Stupid questions, grammatical errors, lose your train of thought, just ask him to confess.” Wayne listed on his fingers. “This is not a comment on you, L/n. You’re a brilliant detective. I only want to bring this guy down.”

“Yeah, that's all I want too.”

“So, the night of the murder, you met with Robert in his doctor's office,” Y/n reiterated. “Why there? Why not your office which is much better suited for business meetings?”

“He was preparing for the next day's appointments. By taking the meeting in his office, we saved time. And time is money.” He mimicked tapping a watch.

“Right, and did…” Y/n trailed off. “Nevermind. I forgot what I was saying. Come back to me.”

Wayne swept in easily, “now, we did a sweep of the room where you and Axel fought-”

“Talked,” Lex corrected.

“Right. ‘Talked.’ The entire room had been scrubbed. It had undergone industrial sterilisation to remove all traces of blood and DNA.” Wayne crossed his arms.

“It's a doctor’s office,” Lex reminded them. “Blood draws happen every day. Per law, we have to sanitise it.”

“Ooh!” Y/n butt in. “I remembered what I was gonna ask. Did you kill him?”

“No,” Lex answered calmly.

Wayne redirected the conversation back on track. “So, after you and Robert fought-”

“Talked.”

“You left the office, but you didn't take your car?” Wayne asked.

“I went to a bar, The Scotchman,” Lex said. “I didn't want to drive drunk, so I took a cab. You know, like a responsible person.”

“And you didn't have your phone?” Clearly, Wayne didn’t believe this story.

“I left it charging in my office and I didn't realise till I was already out of the building,” Lex offered easily.

“Oh, man, if I go ten minutes without looking at my phone, my pumpkin crop dies on my little farm.” Y/n shook her head sadly.

“This is not the time for stories about your digital squash, L/n,” Wayne said sharply.

“What does it matter that I forgot my phone?” Luthor completely disregarded Y/n’s comments. A look of realisation dawned on his face and he chuckled, “I had it on me, you could've seen it pinging off the cell tower.”

“So you took a cab to this bar,” Wayne narrated. “However, we talked to the employees of The Scotchman. Nobody saw you there.”

“Nobody remembers seeing me,” Luthor pointed out. “It's not surprising nobody remembers seeing me. The bar was extremely crowded that night and I spent my whole time in the corner talking to this woman, Helen.”

Wayne hummed. “Oh, so you say. But when we ran all the credit card receipts, nobody named Helen bought any drinks that night.”

Lex chuckled and held up a hand. “Trust me, Helen wasn't buying her own drinks.”

Suddenly, Wayne’s phone rang and he said, “I need to deal with this. Let's take a five.”

“Or…” Y/n suggested slowly, “I could keep this interview going solo.”

“Yes,” Captain Wayne said after a moment. Luthor regarded their interaction closely. “I'm sure that'll be, um… pretty helpful.”

Once Wayne had left the interrogation room, Y/n sat herself down at the table and smiled broadly. “I have some questions,” she said brightly. “What kind of car did Robert drive?” She flipped open her notebook and suddenly rattled off, “also, what colour was Helen’s hair, which night does the cleaning crew sterilise your office, have you ever been to where the body was found, when you left your phone at the office was it plugged into your computer or an outlet, did you kill him, and what did your cab driver look like?”

Lex rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “This is a huge waste of time. But, here you go: Robert drove a Saab, Helen’s hair was brown, they sterilise on Wednesdays and Saturdays, I haven't been to Ocean View in twenty years, the phone was plugged into the wall, I did not kill him, and the cab driver had a beard and an earring… I'm sorry I didn't get his licence number.”

Y/n clicked her tongue and smirked. “Wow. Very impressive. You didn't even fall for my ‘did you kill him’ gambit.”

“Nope,” Lex grinned.

“Although,” Y/n tapped her chin. “It is interesting that you knew the body was found in Ocean View, New Jersey, when that information hasn't been released to the public yet.” When Luthor’s gaze flickered to her, Y/n muttered, “Got ya.” She laughed and said, “I can't believe you thought I was the dumb cop. I mean, Tim made me watch Planet Earth with the British narrator. I can tell you anything you want to know about three-toed slow-ths,” she said in a farcical manner. “I totally got you to say where the body was found, which kinda seems like something only the murderer would know.”

“Actually,” Luthor’ jaw twitched and he sat back. “Axel’s wife told me. I've been comforting her a lot lately. To help her through the pain.”

Y/n growled, “we asked her not to share that info, and she promised us she didn't.”

“Well, she's been distraught,” Lex said. “She might not remember.”

“Flimsy.” Y/n rolled her eyes. “So what did you mean when you said you hadn't been to Ocean View in twenty years?”

“My uncle has a cabin there. I would visit him as a kid.”

“So your uncle owns a cabin in the town where the bear-semened body was found. That is quite a coincidence,” Y/n commented.

“I haven't been there for twenty years. You can call my uncle if you want,” Lex waved his hand.

“Oh, we are.” Y/n nodded reassuringly. “So you might as well just confess now, or we can take our sweet time like the mer-jestic slow-th.” Her British accent came out once again. “Either way, we've got you.”

“We don't have him,” Y/n sighed behind the two-way glass. 

“Luthor’s uncle said he hasn't been to the cabin in months and he hasn't spoken to Luthor in over a year,” Wayne said, tapping on his phone.

“What about the neighbours?” Y/n asked.

“There's only one other house on that road and we haven't been able to contact the owner.”

Y/n poked her tongue in her cheek. “Yeah, but Lex doesn't know that. If we tell him the neighbour saw him that night, he'll crack for sure.”

Wayne glared at her. “You want us to lie?”

“No,” Y/n sassed. “I want me to lie and you to stand behind me and say, three ‘oh damns’ when I defeat him.”

“There will be no ‘oh damns.’” Wayne said, “we're not lying.”

“The Supreme Court said that we're allowed to lie in an interrogation,” Y/n argued. “Couple of days ago I told a perp I knew Selena Gomez. It had absolutely nothing to do with the case, but I can say it.”

Wayne shook his head. “What if Luthor never went to the cabin? Suppose you're wrong. Then Luthor knows we have nothing. There goes our credibility and our leverage.” He scratched his nose. “No, we need a different strategy. Admittedly, all this dental talk has given me an idea.”

Y/n barged into the room and announced, “We have a few more questions for you, genius.”

Wayne snickered. “Genius.” Luthor slowly turned to look at him. “It's funny when people call businessmen ‘geniuses.’ Especially male CEO’s.”

“I had to build my company from the ground up,” Lex said.

“That doesn’t make you a genius,” Wayne retorted.

“I have an IQ of two hundred twenty four.” Luthor smirked. “Does that qualify?”

Wayne’s jaw ticked. “Have you made any notable contributions to science? Have you discovered a new element? Building up a business hardly qualifies you.”

“My company has contributed to many scientific endeavours, thank you very much.” Luthor’s voice was tense and Y/n’s eyes flickered between the two men. 

“But were you the one actually experimenting?” Wayne pounded a fist on the table and it rattled. “We live in a society where CEOs take credit for the things-” A few moments later, Wayne was sitting in the viewing room and saying, “Apparently that’s a trigger for me.” His cufflinks were undone and his tie was loosened.

“Yeah, apparently.” Y/n handed him a glass of water. “So… now can we lie?”

“No. But you know what works? Making him confront his victim.”

“Look your dead friend in the eyes and say his name,” Y/n demanded, holding up a picture of Axel Granite.

Luthor looked at the picture. “Axel.”

“Okay, maybe say his full name,” Y/n suggested.

“Axel Granite.”

“His middle name's Holt.”

“Axel Holt Granite.”

“His wife called him Axe. Work that in.”

“Axe Granite.”

“Work it into the full name.”

“Axel ‘Axe’ Holt Granite.”

“Now say it with a frown on your face.”

“Axel ‘Axe’ Holt Granite.”

“Don’t blink so tears come to your eyes.”

“Axel ‘Axe’ Holt Granite.”

“Man, this guy is a good murderer!” Y/n cried once she and Wayne were back behind the two-way glass.

“There's got to be some way to break him.” Wayne rubbed at his temples.

Y/n’s eyes lit up. “Wait a minute. I just had an idea.”

Y/n held a guitar and chanted, “two, three, four!” She strummed the guitar haphazardly and started screaming loudly. 

“Yeah, I really gotta stop trying that.” In the viewing room, Y/n set the guitar aside, huffing out a breath. “It never works.”

“Tell us more about your relationship with Axel.”

Lex exhaled. “We've been over this a thousand times,” he said. “We got along well. I mean, we disagreed sometimes, but we had a good partnership.” Luthor smirked and muttered, “he never, for instance, skipped a party so he could micromanage me as I tried to do my job. That's what's happening here, right?” He pointed towards the two officers. “That's why you're wearing the tuxedo?”

“I skipped the opera, not a party,” Bruce said. ”It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, it's the Bugs Bunny one!” Y/n piped up.

“And I'm not here to micromanage anyone,” Wayne frowned. “I'm here because I enjoy interrogating scum.”

“You don't think the fact that he skipped the opera has anything to do with him not believing in you?” Lex asked slowly.

“He believes in me!” Y/n defended before pointing an accusing finger at the CEO. “You're not interrogating us. We're interrogating you. Tell us about the missing equipment! If Gretchen didn't take it, then who did? Because we're pretty sure it was you. Honestly, it could have been any of your employees. They all have access to the storage room.”

“You know, it's silly, but, uh…” Luther glanced up at them knowingly. “I trust the people who work for me.”

“Captain Wayne is only here because I want him here,” Y/n said.

“Really?” He pointed at Y/n. “So you're in charge? And all these strategies have been your ideas?”

Y/n stuttered and then said after a moment, “the guitar thing was mine.”

“And you signed off on that?” He then pointed at Wayne.

When Bruce didn’t say anything, Y/n turned towards him and scoffed, “seriously?”

“I just feel bad for you,” Luther shook his head. “Your boss thinks you're an idiot; that can't feel good.”

“Alright, listen,” Y/n snarled. “You son of a bitch, you think you're smarter than us? You think you've gotten away with it? You haven't.” She wagged her finger. “Imma find something. One skin cell, one eyelash, one tiny inconsistency in your story, and you're gonna spend the rest of your life in prison. Everyone who loves you will leave, and you will die alone! And at that time, it will be your head that a bear has sex with!” A few moments later, Y/n was sitting in the viewing room and saying, “Apparently that’s a trigger for me.” Her sleeves were rolled up and she tugged at her collar.

“Yeah, apparently.” Wayne handed her a glass of water. 

“He just gets us so riled up!” Y/n complained. She furrowed her brows and stared at nothing for a minute before murmuring, “I got it. I got it!”

“He's not answering any questions,” Luther’s lawyer, who had just joined him, said firmly as Y/n burst into the room.

“That's okay.” Y/n grinned. “I have no questions. That's right. I'm about to monologue, son!” She snapped her fingers theatrically.

“You better make it quick,” the lawyer said. “You have eight minutes until I file a harassment claim.”

“Alright, let me paint you a picture.” Wayne strode into the room and stood in the corner, arms crossed, listening to Y/n. “Lex Luthor, CEO of LexCorp, has been stealing equipment from his own labs.”

“Why would I steal from my own labs?” Luthor asked incredulously.

“What’s the point of this?” His lawyer demanded.

”I'll get there,” Y/n held a finger up. “One day, I'm working late when my colleague, Axel Granite, surprised me. He found out I was stealing equipment and said he's gonna file a police report. My reputation could be ruined. We fight, and something in me just snaps, so I grab the first thing I can find and I hit him with it.”

“You still have no murder weapon,” the lawyer reminded her.

“I do now.” Y/n slammed a picture down on the table. “I found a picture on Yelp of the doctor’s office six months ago, and here is a shot that our crime scene photographer took of the same room two weeks after the murder.” She slammed down another photo. “Notice any differences?” she asked.

“We're not answering that,” the lawyer said.

“That's all right, I can just tell you myself.” Y/n shrugged before continuing, “the Yelp picture has six of these glass awards in the background, whereas this shot only has five. What happened to number six?” Y/n asked rhetorically. “Murdered Axel with it!”

“I didn't,” Lex glared.

“You lost all control and you bludgeoned him to death,” Y/n, true to her word, kept monologuing. “There must have been blood everywhere, but you got lucky. You never would have gotten away with it in your carpeted office!”

“That's not what happened.” Luthor’s hands curled into fists.

“Don't say anything, Lex,” his lawyer reminded him.

“And Cheryl would’ve heard all of the screaming but she was at her niece's play. Lucky again.”

“You're wrong.”

“You put Axel’s body onto a dolly and shoved it in the elevator. It's a miracle there wasn't blood everywhere.”

“That's not true!” Luther insisted.

“Now you're in the garage with a corpse. You panicked and left your phone in your office and you don't have your car keys, but Axel’s are in his pocket so you put him in his car and take off.”

“No.”

“You simply can't believe what you've done.” She fans her face dramatically. 

“No.”

“Luthor,” his lawyer placed a hand on his forearm.

“You're flustered,” Y/n placed a hand on her forehead, faux swooning. “You have no GPS, so you just start driving.”

“No!” Lex pounded the table.

“Lex! Stop!” his lawyer cried.

“Next thing you know, you're in Ocean Views, and it hits you: your uncle's cabin! He has a place there. You're the luckiest son of a bitch ever.”

“It wasn't luck!” Luthor shouted and Y/n’s jaw twitched.

“Yes, it was,” she laughed. “You got lucky at every turn!”

“No!” Luthor fumed, slowly rising from his seat. ”I knew exactly where I was driving, I left my phone in the office on purpose, I was in the doctor’s office by design, and I didn't use some glass award that any idiot would clearly see was missing. In fact, a cleaner had broken it a week before!” He leaned forward on his fists, rings shining fully in the dim light. “I made a rod out of lab glass, killed him with it, then melted it back down. It's already another test tube, son!” His face morphed into one of shock and he fell back into his seat. His lawyer’s eyes widened before rubbing him sympathetically on the back.

Wayne’s mouth dropped open and he mumbled, “oh, damn.” In a louder voice he repeated, “oh, damn.” Shocked, the police captain cried out, “oh, damn!”

Y/n spun her finger in the air victoriously. “And that is three oh damns!” she shouted out. In a whisper, she said, “I feel so cool right now. Like I’m in a fanfic.”

[rowretro]

𝐃𝐨𝐠 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐃𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝

request by @nikipedia07 Jakie jakieeee

✧warnings: violent descriptions, yandere/toxic themes, mentions of blood, slut shaming, drugging

✧synopsis: Jake was your darling boyfriend, whom you loved. He seemed sweet, perfect, loving the problem was... he loved you too much. so you had to break it off with him, but you can't because you know he'll hurt you. However, he had no choice but to break up with you thanks to the police... but what would you do when he returns?

✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧◇✧

It's been almost 3 months since the incident. Jake was filthy rich so it would be no surprise that he got out of jail early. You couldn't break up with him, you couldn't run nor hide. You always wondered how you fell for him in the first place. At one point you were crushing on Jay, giggling at his compliments, getting so obviously shy every time he was near. Everyone knew you liked him.

Yet, you ended up dating Jake. The male had stolen your heart when you were at your worst, crying over Jay. He made you believe Jay was dating Yena, who was literally Jay's cousin, but it's not like you knew. You didn't know until Jay found you bloodied and bruised, hiding by a tree. That's when you started falling out of love with Jake.

You cheated on him with Jay. How could you stay in a relationship and force yourself to love a man that manipulates you and beats the living hell out of you if you even breath the same air as another man, when the man whom you believed to be your soulmate held you in his arms whisperring sweet nothings?.

Three months. that's how long you and Jay were able to date peacefully. No Jake, no drama, no violence, no nothing. Even if Jake were to be released, he can't kill Jay, if he did, he knows he will be locked up for eternity. Oh but Jake had very different plans. Plans that came to light when he broke into your beautiful home with Jay. Fuck he was so fucking mad at you.

"You little mother fucking whore?!... you left me for this mother fucker?!!! why?! for his money? did he offer you money to suck his mother fucking dick?!!!" Jake yelled, yanking your hair painfully. Beside you, One of Jake's men held a knife to Jay's throat, the male's arms and legs held down. Jake was mad.

It hurt you so bad to hear him speak like that to slut shame you and say such vulgar things. You just wanted to love someone, to be known and loved, to be treated the way you deserve to be treated, to have someone to turn to without being scared. That's all you wanted. Jake gripped your jaw, forcing you to stare at him, all the while, His men injected Jay with a pretty special and extremely expensive drug.

"Fine... stay with him then baby..." he finally said, pushing you toward him as the men untied him. "Y/n? what are you doing here?... why is the house a mess did someone break in? should I call Jake?" Jay asked as you frowned "babe?... w-what do you mean call jake?" you asked as he frowned.

"babe?... gurl- if this is your way of cheating or some shit please stop. Jake's my mate and the last thing I need is for him to think his own gf is cheating with me," he explained as he got up, brushing himself off." You couldn't believe your ears "b-but babe? are you scared he'll hurt us? he just let us be Jay, I fucking love you!" You cried as the male pushed you away, glaring at you.

"Y/n I put this nicely. I don't love you. You're Jake's girlfriend and clearly he deserves better, so please just get out." He warned as he shoved her out of the house. The girl cried, walking through the streets, freezing cold, there she found herself at the last place she thought she'd end up. Jake's doorstep.

"Oh sweetheart... what's wrong? realized that no one can love you the way I do?!" Jake asked as she just rested her head against his chest "s-sorry..." she mumbled, sniffling against his chest, her heart ached from the way Jay acted as if he didn't love her, like those past 3 months were her delusions. She just wanted to disappear there and then.

Now she feels pathetic. She's back where she started in the arms of Sim Jake. "see baby you'll remember we're in a dog eat dog world, where everyone wants to take you from me, You belong with me Sim Y/n..." Jake said with a smirk as the girl grew drowsy.

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Series

sinag | psh.

chapter eight

pairings: park sunghoon x reader

synopsis: waiting for a great plot twist in your life, the ruthless and powerful mafia boss park sunghoon forced his way in to it.

word count: 3k

warnings: a contains harrassment, violence, guns, killings, abuse, obsessive love & other stuff. if you can't take this stuff, feel free to scroll away. let me know if i missed some.

note: the next update will probably at tuesday. thank you so much for supporting sinag. please reply, reblog and send me asks. i will surely appreciate it, i love you. stay safe!

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

Some years later...

Time passes by faster than expected. A lot of things happened. You grew at some aspect of your life, learned some new things, gain new friends, acquired new achievements and seems like your life’s really is at its best. Like this is where you should be.

But why do you feel empty sometimes? Not all the time. Just those moments where you’re left alone to meditate or think some things in your life. It was odd, but you just convince yourself that its normal for people to have these thoughts from time to time.

“Ae, your boyfriend called you multiple times last night.” your head snapped at Lucie’s side when she said that. She’s at the kitchen counter, cooking something while you head towards the center table to go find your phone.

“I was so busy finishing my work last night. I forgot my phone was here.” you stated and sighs heavily after finding indeed multiple missed calls and messages from your boyfriend. From Luke.

Yes, you got back together with him. You two met a year after you just got your job and he seems doing fine. He seems to be more matured than how your remembered him and he wanted to try it again with you. Claiming that you two are just immatures back then and surely this time it would work.

Since you haven’t got anyone to date that time and you really kind of missed having someone by your side romantically, you agreed.

You love Luke. Otherwise you wouldn’t agree to be in a relationship with him again. It’s just the spark’s not there and the feelings you have for him is shallow. Of course you never told him that and just go with the flow with him.

Lucie reminded you that breakfast will be ready soon which you responded with a short nod then walks towards the balcony.

“Babe.”

“What the hell, Aelia? I’ve been calling and texting you nonstop last night and I’m only hearing from you now? Wow!” he sounded mad. Mad and upset about you not returning his calls.

You sighs and massage your temple, trying to release the early stress life is trying to give you. The day hasn’t even starting yet and he wants to fight with you already. What a great thing to start your day with after an working all night.

“I’m sorry, Luke. Its just I got caught up with the work last night. I forgot that I left my phone at the living room after I texted you.” the last text you sent him says that you are going to be busy that night. Clearly, despite being informed he doesn’t understand it at all.

“Whatever! That’s the onlyt thing that matters to you, anyway. That stupid job of yours.” here he goes again. Whenever you two falls into an argument, he never misses the chance to use this card on you. He’s very petty about it.

“You know that’s not true.”

“Its seems like it for me.” and with that he ended the call.

You draws in a strained sigh before running your hand over your hair. The sun kissed your skin as it shines bright above you. The streets are starting to look more alive with people walking and cars driving towards their own destinations.

“Breakfast is ready, Ae!” your head snaps over to Lucie when she called out for you.

Realizing that it won’t be too good for you to stress over your boyfriend in early morning, you struts towards the kitchen to have breakfast. She already got everything prepared making you smile and put into more better mood.

“Early fight?” she guessed that you answered with a small nod.

She sighs and watches you sat down. She fill the empty glass with some orange juice then slid it towards you. She makes sure you drink fruits in the morning and not coffee since while you’re in the office, she’s certain it will be nonstop caffeine consumption.

“Come on and just eat breakfast. Think about your asshole boyfriend later.” she sounded bitter. You are aware of her disliking towards Luke. She said he just gives off negative vibes for her even after meeting him at the first time.

She’s good with reading people and her impressions are usually right.

“Language, please.” and you flash her with a smirk.

She chuckles and just dismissed that topic. The two of you chitchats about this event being held on weekend. She informed you about it weeks ago and was begging for you to come with her. You already declined, saying you’re really bad with crowded places. She knows that. Being friends with Lucie for years already gained her alot of informations about you. Including your phobia of being around too crowded places.

That’s why she’s even more pursuing you to come, convincing you after she read about this article that there’s nothing more effective to get rid of fears other than facing them. Sounds ironic, but she’s truly sticking into it.

“I’ll think about it, okay? First, I have to worry about my meeting later.” and instantly, you felt your heart raced.

“Is that today?” she looked surprised and even took a quick sip from her juice. “Are you going to meet Jake Sim later?” the excitement through her voice are unable to be covered.

“Yes.”

She squealed. “Ahhh! He’s so gorgeous. How can someone be that handsome? And why isn’t he mine?” she sounds like that’s her biggest struggle in life.

It’s been a while since you started to work in that company, and its been a while too ever since she started crushing on your boss. She kept on saying how she wished she works there and that she might have shoot her shot at flirting with him.

You always just laughs at her and shook your head because of her crazy ideas. Well, there is no doubt that the man looks dazzling. His visuals sure is something you would compare to celebrities that appears on television, even better. But he isn’t totally your type. For you, he’s just someone you would love to stare at.

“You’re crazy.” and shook your head after side eyeing her jokingly. she seems unbothered about it and kept on daydreaming, hearts flashing her eyes. it was hilarious even for you.

“You should wear that dress!” her eyes are big while she’s giving you that look.

Your brows narrowed down, wondering what she was talking about and when you realized, you’re quick to refuse.

“No way!”

“Come on! You look so hot wearing that one!” she whined like a baby.

You gave her a firm ‘no’, “I don’t want to go to a serious meeting having almost all of my tits showing at him.” the idea itself makes you shiver in so much cringe.

She laughed so hard while watching you.

“I bet he’ll be distracted.” she smirks.

You gave her a disgusted look on your face.

“Enough! I don’t want to hear about it and besides, I have a boyfriend.” and you finished the last bite of the food before putting it on the sink.

She scoffed, “Ah, right. Your Class A, boyfriend.”

“Class A?” you asked, confused.

She smiled sweetly, “Yes, Class A. Class Asshole.”

You laughed at what she said and she did too, proud of what she just said. The two of you then went on your own rooms to start preparing for work.

After you finished getting ready, you bid her good bye and left. When you arrived at the company, it was obvious how they’re cleaning every inch of it. The workplace is neat all the time, yes. But they’re paying attention into keen details. A clear sign that the boss is arriving.

He doesn’t visit often so they always make sure that the company is perfect whenever he does.

“Ae!” Clara greets delightedly as you walk inside your floor. Heads whips to see you strides along the office hallway. Eyes of boy workmates remained while the other just smoothly went back to their works.

She gave you a small hug, “Are you ready for the report later?” she looked tensed and excited at the same time.

You nodded your head and rests your bag over the swivel chair. She follows inside your office and sat at the visitor chair in front of your table.

“I still can’t believe how you’re not thrilled to report in front of Mr. Sim. How come your knees doesn’t go weak whenever his eyes sets at you?” she asks, exaggerating.

You chuckled and shook your head. She’s just like Lucie, they’re both head over heels Mr. Sim.

Soon after, you are informed that the boss will be arriving soon together with one of its good friend, Mr. Nishimura. It’s not the first time you’ve seen his snobby handsome face. He often visits here with the boss, Mr. Jake Sim. It was obvious that they’re very close with each other.

Mr. Sim is not that friendly, but you can sense that he’s a little friendlier towards you. At first, you find it odd and suspicious, but he never did something that made you uncomfy so the thought eventually dismissed.

Mr. Nishimura on the other hand is a lot goofier, but he’s moody. Sometimes he smiles and greets you, but there are times he seemed so cold and distant. Almost makes you think that there’s two of them.

Suited men enters the floor to where the conference room was located, and just by then you stood up because the boss will show up anytime soon. The head of your department, together with you and Clara stood silently.

“Why does Mr. Sim needs to have so many bodyguards?” she asks, talking loudly of your own thoughts.

You used to wonder about that one as well. Yes, you completely understand that he’s very much wealthy and that he needed security, but its just oddly exaggerated. To the point that it doesn’t feel right. Like something’s behind it.

“Did you know there's a rumor that Mr. Sim is from the family of Mafia? Some says he’s that guy! Sim Jaeyun!” Clara added, mentioning a name that is almost feel forbidden to say because it feels like something bad will happen to you if you did.

“Ehh...” your words stall as you try to imagine Jake holding guns and doing some dangerous stuff. Yes it would definitely look cool, but nah.

“Come on? There’s no way, Clara. Besides, isn’t Mr. Jake Sim originally from Australia?”

She pursed her lips and sighed, “You’re right. Maybe it really is just a coincidence.”

She stops talking when the guy you are just talking about enters. Beside him was Mr. Nishimura, smirking.

Everyone politely bows in his arrival and he did a small bow as well, roaming his eyes around his employees like as if searching for somebody. When it met yours, you once again bowed at him. He nods his head and smiles.

“Let’s go inside, shall we?” and with that all of you enters, proceeding to your meeting.

“Are you sure you aren’t developing some kind of feelings, hyung?” Ni-ki asked with suspicion and judgement through his eyes.

The meeting just ended and after everyone was dismissed, Jake started rummaging over your information and stared at it for an hour already.

Jake rolls his eyes and sighs, before undoing his necktie. “Stop talking nonsense, Ni-ki. I’m not planning to receive Sunghoon’s wrath.” he mumbled with a monotone.

Ni-ki shrugged his shoulders off and just mindlessly stared at the papers on the table. It’s been a while since they started this babysitter thing with you. Even if they’re making sure you are safe and you’re living comfortably, the two of them kept their distance. Making sure they aren’t totally becoming suspicious to avoid any problems.

He heard Sunghoon’s recent achievement was a blow because he managed to get one of the Kwon’s biggest source of income. He strived hard for the past year and now the engagement was announced to be officially off. Although, he wasn’t really going to do it in any circumstances.

“What’s so interesting about Aelia’s files, hyung? We already know everything that’s in there. Can we just go somewhere fun? Like visit Jay hyung and piss him off?” he sounded so bored already.

Jake sighs, “I’m checking her schedule and her latest appointment results from her therapists. I think she can go to an out of the country trip now.” he says.

Ni-ki almost fell from his chair after he heard what his hyung said. Is he thinking what he thinks he’s talking about? After waiting for so long, is it really happening already?

“Are you planning to make them meet?!” he sounded more than excited and Jake couldn’t even blame him.

He himself feels so thrilled of how its going to be after Sunghoon managed to find you.

“Don’t get too excited, Ni-ki. You’ll spoil the moment.” he kids that was ignored by the younger one.

“Can we be there when it happens?!”

Jake gave him this weird look, like as if he thinks he’s losing his mind. Ni-ki remains smiling, hopeful that his hyung will agree.

“Why would you want to be there, you creep? Let them have their moment.” and even threw a crumpled paper over Ni-ki.

He snorts, “I am their moment.” he jokes.

“Sunghoon will choke you.”

“Damn, tell him to save it for Aelia instead.”

Jake looked at him with disgust, “You should just go home.”

Ni-ki laughed so loud because of it before fishing his phone from his pocket. “No fucking thanks. I’ll stay here with you. Do you want to order food? I want some sushi.”

Jake just sighs and started typing a message. Sunghoon deserves a reward after-all. It’s time for them to meet already. He could not help but to look forward for that moment to happen. First, he needs to make sure you’re ready to try and go out of the country again.

Your eyes lifts from the monitor towards Clara who just knocked and peak her head to see you.

“Ms. Nam said she needs to see you at her office.” she announced and you just gave her a short nod.

“I’ll be right there.”

After saving your work, you stood up and head towards the office of the head of your department. Everyone’s pretty busy with their own work. Even if a little confused as to why she randomy calls for you, you shrugged it off.

You knocked twice and waited for her to let you in. A bright smile is what greets you. It made you feel relieved.

“You call for me, Miss?”

“Yes! I need to talk to you about something.”

You nodded and sat down at the chair in front of her table. She kept her gaze at you, like checking of signs to say what she’s about to say.

“I want you to attend the seminar next week.”

You were surprised for a while, “B-But is it the one that will be held outside of the country?” your tone sounded so worried.

She nods, “Yes, my schedule got mixed up and I have to be somewhere important that week. I need someone reliable to be present on that seminar and that person is you.”

You are silent, unable to say anything. All you can think of is how will you do that or if you’ll be fine about it. Only bad things happens whenever you go out of the country, so you’re starting to decline any possible chance to go.

“B-But Miss—”

“I’m not taking a no for an answer, Ae.” she states in a strict tone.

Your lips pursed into a thin line and fingers fidgets while your hand rests on top of your thighs. You feel anxious, scared and worried.

“I know what you’ve been through before and I really feel bad for you. But there are things that we need to face sooner or later, our fears included.”

She’s right anyway. Just like what Lucie always tells you, there’s no better way to get rid of that fear other than facing them.

Without thinking twice, you nodded your head. And that was it. No more backing out this time. You’ll really go out of the country again. Hopefully this trip will be better than your past experiences. If not, then you’ll probably just rot in your country.

On the other hand, Icarus, Sunghoon’s right hand knocks over his boss' office late at night. He heard him telling him to come in so he opened the door.

“Sir, we have new updates about the girl.”

Sunghoon’s hand halts from signing one of the proposals he was holding. His eyes bore at the paper, thoughts slowly getting blank.

Here goes again that familiar feeling. Hope.

How many times did that emotion lights fire inside him and kills it afterwards? How many times did he felt so frustrated and disappointed whenever he fails to find you? How many times did he lose his mind and went crazy out of anger because you were not there?

It was awful and devastating. It was tiring and draining.

But here he is again, hoping that this time he will find you. He will never stop until you are in his arms. He will never let anyone stop him. He will find you. He doesn’t care how broken or ruined he is after failing over and over again, because he knew it’ll be worth it once he find you.

He stood up without hesitation and grabbed his coat. “Get my private plane ready.”

main master-list

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[ftwdb]

Don’t say go.

Chapter 18.

Warnings: Dark themes, sexual content, violence, non-graphic description/implications of SA, child abuse and domestic violence. References to addiction. Unhealthy love/obsession/relationships. Soulmate AU. Eventual smut. Love Triangle!

It’s dark by the time you feel the strength of The Pull reaching its peak, and you know what that means. You look around into the darkness. In the wastes there isn’t much besides stretches of empty barren land and mountains in the distance. You know you’re not yet at your destination which can only mean one thing; the boy with the flag was headed toward you too.

You see twin lights in the distance. A car headed toward you. Eventually you stop in the middle of the road and just wait. The lights get closer until they shine on your windscreen and you both sit, unmoving, just waiting for the other to make the first move.

You cut the truck’s engine and step out.

The boy does the same. The light of your vehicles illuminate the night just enough that you can make each other out in the darkness.

The boy steps forward enough so that he is thrown into view and you can see the warm brown of his eyes, his features which are so different from Troy’s, softer but still strong.

You hesitate. Your gun is tucked in the back of your jeans and your fingers twitch.

The boy speaks.

“Hi… I’m Nick.”

You don’t say anything, you just keep watching until he clears his throat as if a little unsure of himself.

“You came alone?” he asks.

You could have kicked yourself. Coming alone had been a risk but now that he was here, in the middle of nowhere, and no one knew where you’d gone, you realised how vulnerable you’d left yourself.

“For now,” you answered him flatly. At least if you were vague about whether you had people with you it might make him have second thoughts if he was planning anything…

The boy waits a beat before trying again.

“I guess you felt it too then…”

You don’t want to say the words out loud so you simply nod your head. The boy, Nick, continues.

“I thought I was going crazy at first. I never thought I’d find my… find you. Feel it, you know?”

You frown at this. Everyone worries they’ll never find their soulmate but something in his voice captures your attention. It’s less that he’s worried about the odds and more… something you can’t quite distinguish.

“Why?” you ask.

Nick hesitated before shrugging a little.

“That’s a… it doesn’t matter. What matters now is that I found you. It feels… weird. Don’t you think?”

Perhaps if you hadn’t already had the experience with Troy you would agree. But you didn’t want him to know that Troy was your soulmate and so you don’t answer his question.

“Look I came here to warn you. Some of the people from my community are coming back tonight to finish what they started. You need to tell your people to run.”

Nick frowns at this information.

“We agreed to a truce-“

You shake your head in annoyance. You don’t want to explain all this. You want him to just listen to your warning and leave so you can forget about whatever this mistake is between you both and go home, go back to Troy.

“They’re acting of their own accord. Some of the men have certain… loyalties. This isn’t about protecting their home, it’s about revenge.”

Nick is watching you closely now and you don’t like the way his eyes are roaming over you. You freeze. You wonder if he can feel your emotions just like you can with Troy. You reach out in the same way you do with Troy and try to find Nick, to feel what he feels… there’s nothing. Just the regular sense of The Pull.

“You’re warning me because of this feeling between us? You came looking for me because of it.”

You shake your head growing more frustrated as all you want to do is head back before Mike and the others see you out here.

“I don’t have time to explain myself. You have to get your people and go far away from here. Don’t come back.”

Nick’s eyes widen as he realises you have no intention of staying with him.

“But… you have to come with me. When I left earlier, after I saw you, it felt like my heart was being-“

“It doesn’t matter.” You say quickly, all too familiar with that pain. “I can’t come. I won’t go with you. But I don’t want you to die either so, please, leave.”

Nick is staring at you incredulously.

“I can’t do that.”

You actually growl from your frustration with him.

“Why!?”

“Because,” Nick says as he steps closer. You take a large step away from him. You can’t risk him getting too close, having him touch you. You don’t know what will happen.

“I just found you. I can’t walk away!” he continues.

“Then run! Drive! Fucking skip for all I care! If you stay, you die. Not that I care-“

“That’s a lie.” Nick cuts you off quickly. “Soulmates need each other. Hearts literally break when they lose one another. So why… why are you denying this?”

You swallow nervously and look at the truck. You could just get back in and drive away, but what if he follows? You have a feeling he would. He seems the type. Reckless and stubborn.

“I… it’s complicated.”

You say, and you hate how pathetic that sounds.

“‘It’s Complicated’ used to be a Facebook status.” Nick quips. “Tell me the truth. Why run from me?”

“I’m not!”

“Then what are you running from!? Or… wait… what are you going back to?”

You clench your jaw as Nick slowly starts to put the pieces together in his head.

“You have someone-“

“No.”

“A boyfriend? Fiancé?”

“No! No one!”

“Your home then, your community. You’re worried this would cause a problem. Conflict? But maybe it could help solve the bad blood between us! Two soulmates who find each other on opposites sides-“

“This isn’t bloody Romeo and Juliet, Nick!”

He grins and it makes you want to slap the beautiful smile off his face.

“You’re hardly Juliet sweetheart.”

You snarl, your anger beginning to erupt. Why won’t he just listen! Why make this so complicated!

“Whatever! Just get in your car and drive away Romeo!”

Nick laughs and it’s almost like he’s enjoying this.

“Oh the universe is truly a bitch. I didn’t think I’d find my soulmate because I didn’t deserve one. But maybe I do. It’s ironic that she would hate me, a poetic kind of punishment I guess…”

Your expression eases but doesn’t soften as you listen to him ramble. Hate? You didn’t hate him…

“Why would you be punished?” you ask, your senses on alert in case this was the part where he confesses to being a serial killer or something.

Nick shrugs again.

“If you got to know me, you’d understand.”

You shake your head again with a weary sigh.

“You don’t listen do you.”

Nick steps forward again and this time the light moves so he’s back in the shadows with you.

“I could… but you’d need to actually tell me something for me to hear it. Something besides “run away” because that isn’t happening.”

You swear at him and he smirks.

“We don’t have time. Your people will be killed.”

Nick rubs his hand over the back of his neck and it finally seems to dawn on him, he has other responsibilities. Other people to protect.

“When are your people attacking?”

“They’re leaving the ranch around midnight, so probably by the early hours of the morning. Before sunrise though.”

“Element of surprise, cover of darkness. They’re smart.”

“And well armed. So will you listen to me now?”

Nick stares at you for a few seconds and you almost believe he’d let his people risk being slaughtered instead of going back to warn them.

“Fine.”

You blink at him.

“Fine?”

“That’s what I said. I’ll go back. I’ll warn them.”

“And you’ll run? You can’t fight back, it’ll be a bloodbath.”

“Look I can’t promise anything… we have some stubborn members of our group and they might not take the truce being broken well-“

“The truce isn’t broken. It’s just a small group-“

“Still breaking the truce. Still disobeying your leader, right?”

You bite your tongue. Jeremiah wasn’t their “leader” officially but he was as good as.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. So what? You’ll go back and they’ll try to defend themselves?”

Nick shrugs again.

“If they think it’s more beneficial than running.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose.

“I’m getting a damn headache.”

For some reason this amuses Nick.

“Head rub?”

Your look at him is deadly and he sniggers.

“Joking. Lighten up. Look, I’ll go back and do what I can to stop anymore death. But I can’t promise anything. We lost people. The guy who was in charge came at us like a demon. We didn’t stand a chance…”

Your stomach twists as Nick talks about Troy.

“You want revenge?”

Nick’s expression blanks out and you recognise the perfectly controlled mask on his face. You’d used it yourself before.

“Me? No. But there are those who do.”

“Then convince them their lives aren’t worth it. Tonight is not their night to die. Please… no more death.”

Your voice breaks as you finish your sentence and Nick tilts his head at you. You look away, hating that you’d let some vulnerability slip through.

“Who’d you lose?”

You take a slow breath and shake your head.

“Doesn’t matter. Just… do what you can. And if you can’t save them… save yourself at least.”

Nick looks like he wants to say more. He looks pained.

“Can I… see you again?”

It’s almost laughable. Like a schoolboy asking out his crush. You place your hand on the door of the truck and grip it tight as you give him a firm “no” and turn away before you can see the look on his face.

You slide into your truck and slam the door, locking it before turning in the engine. This was for the best. You didn’t know what else to do. There had been some mistake and maybe Nick had another soulmate out there somewhere too? You hoped so… you didn’t want him to be in pain.

You hear a tap at the window and you look over to see Nick still standing there, motioning for you to wind it down. You do, only a few inches so you can hear him speak.

Nick pauses as he looks you over before speaking.

“It’s him, isn’t it.”

You frown and Nick elaborates.

“The guy who attacked us. The one who was hurt. He’s why you won’t stay with me.”

You feel your stomach drop. Your hands clench on the wheel as you grit your teeth.

“His name is Troy.”

“Troy…” Nick repeats and you hear the sadness and disappointment in his voice. “Well, you must love him a lot to choose him over your soulmate.”

You avoid his eyes still and stare straight ahead until the light from his car burns your eyes.

Nick continues.

“… I hope he makes it, for your sake. And… I want you to know it wasn’t me. I didn’t hurt him.”

You nod, not that it would have mattered. As much as you loved Troy you could understand he’d made a choice that led to his own injuries. Even if he’d done it to protect you… you hated that the blood that had been spilt was on your hands too now.

“I have to go,” you say emptily and put the truck into reverse.

Nick steps back just in time to save his foot being run over as you reverse and turn, glancing back to see his shadow in the headlights as you drive back home. Back to Troy. Back to where your heart felt complete as you tried to ignore how it felt as if you’d just left a piece of it in the darkness behind you…

[jewishregulus]

hi hi!! love every single idea you have. could u give us any thoughts or headcanons or anything you have on possessive james? no matter how insane he gets

i think that the thing w possessive james is that , and this is just their relationship in general, is New for him. he’s never felt like he needed to particularly claim any of his partners until regulus. the way james feels abt regulus is very new for him, bc james is a very confident person who has always had the air of like “why would I be jealous? i’m hotter than all these other people” yk? but w regulus james is just like . yes this is the person Made for me. literally designed by g-d for me to keep and take care of. if it was up to james he would keep regulus locked in a room like a pretty doll he has tea parties with and dresses up….. and this is new for james bc he’s never felt so like . Unnormal and romantic about someone ……. i do think james would punch someone for flirting with regulus, and i think regulus would enjoy the protectiveness and the way james just Wants him …. james gets upset when regulus talks to anyone else and he’s a crisis about it because he feels like a bad person and controlling, meanwhile regulus is Very turned on and happy . james is like omg i’m not a violent person this is awful regulus deserves his own life but the idea of him talking to anybody else even friendly just makes me want to punch their lights out and regulus is like ….. teehee …. he wants me … it’s that one bottoms scene “i really value when people use violence and raise their voice for me. it’s actually one of my love languages!” that’s regulus .

very key jegulus dynamic which is the thesis of this jegulus blog is regulus has a freaky view of love and romance and james is Normal until he falls in love w reg, which changes his entire world view . james thinks regulus would bruise pretty offhandedly and sits up with a start freaking out about what this means for him . regulus is blushing

[juunobox]

──★ ˙ ̟ "PERFECT TIMING!"

you're nikolai's intimate friend (nikolai gogol x gn! reader) and he wants to 'free' you

summary : you're nikolai's friend and he wants to give you a taste of freedom (which of course means, he wants to kill you) ur like fyodor to him in this fic, kinda warnings : implied mental disorders, graphic depictions of violence, suicidal ideation, assisted suicide. you have a complicated relationship w him please do not take this seriously, fr i wrote this for coping purposes lol and sorry if it's kinda OOC this is the first ever nikolai x reader i wrote... dont beat my ass and english isnt my native i suck at grammar

Your days has always been mundane. You woke up and work on your laptop all day, then go back to sleep. However, there was a moment when your days became a bit more colorful, thanks to Nikolai's presence. He's an eccentric man who dressed like a clown and spoke theatrically. How did you meet someone like him in the first place? That's a story for another day.

With the time you both had, usually in the evening, he had developed a habit of visiting your place. By that hour, you'd be done with your day job, and you'd have the time to focus all your attention on him. It started as something casual, but as time went by, the two of you realized just how much you understood each other, at least to some extent.

His philosophy about freedom. The belief that being human itself is akin to being in a prison, it speaks to you. And the moment you expressed to him that you too shared the same belief, something changed between you two.

“Because you’re my…

Dear, intimate friend.”

He was fun to spend time with, so much so that it made you forget that he's a terrorist, a member of DOA. He brought colors to your uneventful, colorless life, and you didn't understand why.

“I guess you're sane in an insane way, Kolya.”

The clown laughed at the way you worded it. “Hilarious way to put it, [y/n]! You’d make for a talented comedian. You shouldn’t let this talent of yours go to waste! Don’t you think so?”

You sighed at his remark. “I’m way too anxious to do that. I can't stand in front of the stage and speak in theatrics like you do.” You eyed him playfully, and he giggled at that.

“Is that so? My dear friend can't handle the stage? How adorable, you’re intimidated by your own kind!” He scooted closer and cupped your chin in his hand. Your cheeks warmed up a bit at his touch, and you attempted to hide it. “You talk as if you're not a human yourself,” you said in return.

Nikolai’s grin grew even wider at your comment. “But I am one, I am a perfectly sane human being.” He tilted your head slightly to the side as he leaned even closer, his hot breath caressing your cheek. You swallowed nervously and darted your gaze away, unable to bring yourself to meet the silver haired clown's mismatched eyes.

And then he kissed you. It was a tender, loving kiss. Nikolai attempted to deepen the kiss, but you managed to push him away. He didn't try to force himself on you; however, he simply stared down at you with a smile. A smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

“Did you just kiss me? What was that even for?” 

“Because… I’m looking for an answer.”

“What?”

“I’m looking for an answer.”

You didn't quite understand what he meant at that moment.

This wouldn’t end well, you knew it. Yet, you couldn't resist him.

The relationship between you two was something that words couldn't quite explain. You two weren’t exactly lovers, but you weren’t exactly friends, either. An undefined one, dancing between the lines of friendship and romance. But did you want it to end? Of course not. You never questioned it, despite the uncertainty gnawing at you.

You had always been good at hiding your emotions after all, or at least, that's what you think. Good at fooling others into believing that you were okay when you were not, because you felt far too shameful to express them freely. You beat yourself up inside your head. You couldn't feel things normally, you either feel nothing or everything at once. It's too much. Nauseating. You hated those feelings. But one day, at the worst possible moment, the clown appeared before you. As you were grappling with your breakdown, you found yourself pouring out your thoughts and feelings to him. Nikolai was present with his vacant facet, silently listening to every word.

"I just want to be free. I hate feeling things. I hate this. I hate everything. I want everything to stop!" Your voice was laced with desperation, and you continued, "If I had a gun, I probably would've done it already. I'm so tired of all of this. My mind is telling me to stop, but I can't do it! I keep doing it, I can't stop myself. I wish my body would just give up. All the things I've done to my body, I've tried inflicting all sorts of damage to it, yet somehow, the heart still tries to beat, and so I remain alive."

In the midst of your distraught state, Nikolai's face held sympathy for a moment. He approached you and pulled you into a tight embrace. He didn't say anything, he kept silent— only his grip gradually tightening as if he wanted to crush your pain away.

—

Just like any other evening, you were in your room with Nikolai. He had brought you something new - a small variety of Ukrainian sweets. He said he wanted you to taste a piece of his homeland. It was unusual because Nikolai had never brought you food before despite his frequent visits, but he seemed eager, so you decided to show your appreciation by giving it a try.

In mere minutes, your stomach began to twist and turn, forcing you to curl up in pain at the edge of the bed. “Aren’t you going to help me?" you cried out, struggling to make sense of the situation.

"...."

"Oh, wait." "You're not going to help me because you intended to do this, right?” You managed to say as you writhed in agony.

Nikolai seemed momentarily disconnected from reality but soon snapped out of it and burst into laughter. “Oh, dove! Does it hurt? Yes, you’re a smart one, aren’t you? I did slipped a liiittle bit something into this dessert,” he placed his own food aside and peered over you. “But I didn’t use enough to kill you, what do you think!” He exclaimed loudly in his usual antics. You always thought you understood him, but there were moments when you couldn’t quite wrap your head around his thinking. This was one of those moments.

“After all we've been through, you’re trying to kill me now?”

For a moment, the silver-haired man appeared taken aback. “Why do you ask? That's precisely why I want to kill you. To prove my freedom. Don't you yearn for the same?”

"You wish to be liberated from your emotions, don't you?"

It didn’t take long for you to grasp the meaning of that. You both shared the same understanding, after all. That emotions made you feel imprisoned, but you never thought Nikolai would express it this way. Before you could respond, he continued.

“Because you’re my... intimate friend… it pains me to witness your struggle to break free, just as I am.” He mumbled, his eyes empty and distant. “You’re my dove. My dearest. My angel.” By each words spoken, his voice turned softer, and he sounded genuine for once.

After a trail of endearment terms rolled off his tongue, you spoke. “Perfect timing,” you whispered, managing a grin despite the aching pain in your stomach.

“Then, why don’t we find freedom together, Kolya?”

—

"Nikolai,” you whispered, caressing his cheek. You knew this would be the last time you'd see him. “How do you feel right now? You look happy. If you were to look in the mirror, your grin is so wide I didn't even know someone could smile like that.

“Hahahahahaha! I am indeed feeling ECSTATIC!” He pulled colorful balls out of his coat, along with a couple of knives, and began juggling them in his hands. “Now, it's time for a quiz! Which weapon will I use to end your life? I have knives, guns, bombs, oh, a wide variety of choices! This is going to be super thrilling! So exciting that words couldn’t do justice!” You could only manage a faint chuckle at this. “All of those weapons, because you like torturing people to death. Right?” 

Nikolai took a couple of steps closer to you, continuing to speak in his theatrics. “Ding dong! You are—” He reached for a small knife and aimed it at your throat. “WRONG! You're wrong! Thought you answered that right, didn't you?! Gotcha!” He giggled to himself, his eyes not leaving your figure as his other hand reached into his overcoat, pulling out another knife.

“Because you are my dear friend, [y/n], I will grant you the honor of receiving special treatment. I'll make it quick for you because I want you to be free as quickly as possible!”

You had agreed to Nikolai taking your life.

You saw it as a two-way street, a mutual exchange. He could attain the sense of freedom he so desperately sought, and you could be liberated from your thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

Your miserable existence.

“Ready to take off, my dear?” Nikolai questioned, his grin stretching from ear to ear. He was smiling, but it appeared more like a manic one, instead of genuine happiness. It made you wonder what sort of expression you were wearing. A whirlwind of emotions are surging within you.

You are going to die. In Nikolai’s hands.

Slowly, you nodded. “I am.” Nikolai's grin widened even further, it appeared almost unsettling. Before you could utter another word, Nikolai had already plunged two knives deep into your chest. Your eyes widened, and you collapsed to the ground. Nikolai swiftly straddled you, and he didn't cease his stabbing. “Scream! Shout! Let me hear your cry of freedom, granted by the great Gogol himself! Hahahaha!” Laughter consumed him as he continued to relentlessly stab your neck and chest.

The pain was unbearable, but you couldn’t quite scream properly. Everything happened so quickly. Only disjointed sounds escaped your lips, drowned out by Nikolai's increasingly intense laughter as he continued to stab you.

"Freedom! Oh, this is what I've been searching for! I feel nothing!" He yelled hysterically. His mismatched eyes locked onto yours, your vision starts to blur, yet you could still see Nikolai wearing the same grin and glaring eyes. "My dear friend! Tell me! You feel free as well, just as much as I do right now, correct? Don't let my effort in killing you be in vain! You are free! Free from that prison you've been in! Say yes! Say yes!" He continued his rapid speech, almost matching the rhythm of the stabs.

Feeling your body growing cold, you could only muster a faint smile in response, sensing your blood seeping from your chest and neck. It felt oddly calming. The pain had lessened. Your body turned colder and colder, but the blood oozing from your wounds felt warm.

With the last bit of your strength, you managed to touch his cheek. You weren't sure if it was a hallucination or not, but Nikolai appeared to flinch in surprise when your hand made contact with his skin. Your body temperature was plummeting rapidly.

“...Kolya..” you managed to croak out, before closing your eyes and falling limp.

The floor was now painted red. The silver-haired clown’s once monochrome attire had almost turned crimson; stained with your own blood. There was a moment of silence, so profound that Nikolai could hear his own breathing. But then his breathing quickened, and his smile broadened once more.

“Hahaha!” He laughed out loud, “Oh! My dear friend is finally free now!” He picked up his knife again and lunged over your lifeless body. You were no longer breathing, but Nikolai continued to stab you. “The freedom we've desperately sought! Liberated from this thing called brainwashing!” The clown's eyes remained wide with trembling irises, an impression of madness. Unlike before, his voice now bore a subtle crack, as his gestures also became unsteady.

The same expression remained on his face, but tears started streaming down his cheeks. Nikolai seemed unaware of his own tears. “My dear friend! Tell me that I've achieved this freedom! You can confirm it because you understand me, right? You're the only one who understands me, after all!” His tone grew almost frantic, and his voice continued to break with each word. He pulled the knives from your chest and threw them aside, squeezing your cold, lifeless hand tighter in his warm ones.

“Because you’re… my dear friend… and you’re the only one who understands me…”

[downthe-f4ndom-rabbith0le]

The Way Back Home (Spencer Reid x Reader) - Prologue

The Way Back Home (Spencer Reid x Reader) - The Prologue Word Count: 4001 Reader Insert: she/her pronouns Warnings: major angst, major fluff, mentions of murder, crime scenes, near-death experiences, slow-burnish romance, death, canon violence, rape, swearing, guns, knives, prostitution, canon cuteness of the team. Spoilers: Maeve's death, mentions of previous cases or canon events from seasons 1-10.

Spencer and you have an unspoken connection with one another. Nothing has ever happened between you two, especially since everything went down with Maeve, but your love has grown and overcome and is now clear as day to everyone. However, just when Spencer builds up enough courage to ask you out officially, you're requested on an undercover mission that halts your budding relationship in its tracks.

Months go by without a word from you until bodies of prostitutes start showing up in New York and the BAU is brought in to help. Spencer and you finally reunite as both your cases collide, but your lives and your love are both on the line now.

Will you and Spencer be able to find the way back home this time?

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Epilogue

~~~

You released a tired, relieved sigh as you and the rest of the team exited the elevator and walked back into the bullpen. You'd just landed back after a week in Utah chasing a serial killer who turned out to be a mormon. He killed in the name of burning out the false children of God from humanity - literally. The Unsub managed to burn six innocent people alive before they apprehended him.

'I cannot wait to go home for a hot bath and a good glass of scotch,' Rossi said, rubbing at the kink in his neck from the sleep home on the plane.

'Ditto,' Alex said. 'James is home for the weekend, and he has promised me some home made pie that I am very much looking forward to.'

You smiled as you reached your desk, the echo of the others adding to the conversation of what they were looking forward to when they got home warming the usually busy room as they passed you. A sense of comfort and relief washed over you as you placed your go-bag on your desk. Hearing all your friends' voices back in the office after a mission was never a guarantee, so you relished every time you heard them, regardless of the conversation.

You looked up when a figure entered your peripheral vision, and that comfort and warm feeling spread further through you when you saw who it was.

'What about you, Y/N?' Spencer said by way of greeting, a soft smile gracing his own tired features. 'What is waiting for you at home on this fine Friday evening?'

You paused to think about it for a second, a content smile tugging at your lips at the thought. 'Well, unless I've been robbed in the last few days, I will be enjoying a nice glass of moscato while I order pasta from the restaurant below my apartment, and snuggle in with my book that I've spent literally months trying to finish,' you said dreamily, the thought of good food and good wine and a good book sounding almost too good to be true. But Garcia had informed the team before landing that no new cases had been submitted and so you had the weekend to yourselves.

'That all?' he asked, amusement dancing on his lips.

You chuckled, shaking your head. 'I know. First Friday night home in DC in a while and I am choosing to stay at home instead. The utter shame of it all.'

You both laughed, and it pleased you to see his amber eyes light up after the long week you'd had.

'I didn't mean that as a bad thing,' Spencer said, brushing a stray curl from out of his eyes. Even though it was the shortest length it'd ever been, some rogue curls still managed to dangle out of confinement every once in a while. 'What book are you reading?'

'Don't laugh at me, but... The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.'

Spencer's brow furrowed curiously. 'Why would I laugh? I love Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's work.'

You shrugged, casually leaning against your desk as you crossed your arms. 'I know, it just seems a little silly that a federal agent is reading some old detective stories.'

'Actually, Doyle was one of the forefathers of detective fiction, as he brought in the concept that the science of deduction isn't just physical evidence but psychological observations. He created a space where all the sciences we know today can help in solving crime, and actually paved the way for more psychological avenues to be taken more seriously in academia and law enforcement. If you think about it, without Sherlock, you and I may not have our jobs as profilers right now.' Spencer paused when he realised he was rambling, and despite your soft, encouraging smile, he saw the tired blankness in your eyes.

Spencer licked his lips before speaking again. 'What I'm trying to say is... I don't think it's silly at all.'

You nodded your thanks although you knew you didn't need to. 'So what about you?', you asked in return. 'What will entertain Dr. Spencer Reid on this "fine Friday evening"?'

His words repeated back to him kept the smile on his face, more importantly the life in his eyes. But he began to fiddle with the strap of his satchel bag, and you couldn't help but notice he slightly swayed. Like he was nervous or something. It was cute.

He was cute.

You forced the rising heat in your cheeks to stay underneath the surface to not give away your embarrassment or your inner thoughts. Thoughts you'd been having since the day you'd met him six years ago. Thoughts that you'd suppressed so as to not interfere with your work, and then later so it wouldn't ruin your hard-built friendship.

When he told you about Maeve, you'd had mixed feelings. Of course, you'd been ecstatic for him that he'd found someone he could be himself with, and even more so when he disclosed to you that no one else knew about her - just you. But you couldn't deny the twinge of sadness that pulled at your heart knowing that that someone he could be himself with wasn't you.

But you hadn't hesitated, hadn't faltered when he'd needed a shoulder to cry on when Maeve was killed. Once he decided to open up and accept help, you were first in line to help keep the young doctor afloat in his sea of grief and loss.

It's been over a year since Maeve's death now, and while she would always remain important in his heart, he had, for the most part, moved on, slowly getting back to be his usual, quirky, logical self.

The past year and a bit has only brought you two closer together, and as much as you have tried to hide how amazing that makes you feel, you've had plenty of conversations with Penelope and others on the team about finally asking the boy wonder out. It's not like you didn't want to, but if Maeve was his type of girl, you just weren't sure you were what Spencer was looking for in a romantic partner. Besides, you were happy with your friendship.

It was by far the most precious relationship you had aside from your family - why ruin it?

You quickly realised you'd both been silent for a while, Spencer still not having answered your question yet. 'Spence?' you prompted gently.

The cute doctor managed to grasp his satchel strap fiercely and ground himself back in the present. 'R-Right. I too have a book at home. The one you got me for my birthday, actually.'

'Oh yes!' The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes. You'd been hooked from the first line, and by the time you finished, all you could think about was how much you thought Spencer would enjoy it. So you instantly wrapped up your own personal copy and waited for Spencer's birthday to roll around. You never told him it was yours, you just hoped he didn't notice the slight bend in the spine or minuscule tears in some pages from you flipping them too quickly. 'I've been meaning to ask you if you enjoyed it or not. I just assumed you'd read it already.'

'We've just been so busy with cases lately. I haven't had time to even consider picking it up.'

You rolled your eyes. 'Come on, we both know you could've finished that book on one of our plane rides.'

He shrugged, eyes dipping for a moment before landing back on you. 'I know. I guess... I just wanted to give it the time and attention it deserved,' he settled on, and the honesty in both his words and his eyes threatened to steal your breath.

A silence that rested between comfortable and awkward settled upon you two. This had happened many times in recent weeks although you weren't quite sure why. Regardless of your hidden feelings and the tragedy of Maeve, neither of you lost your comfortability with one another.

'So... we've both got book dates tonight,' you said in an attempt to break the silence. The rest of the team was still chatting just a little away from them, but it felt like it was just the two of you sometimes when you talked.

'Well, actually, maybe...' Spencer started, and his fingers were twitching again. 'I was wondering if maybe you'd want t-to bring your book over and... join me, tonight.'

The request wasn't an unusual one. In fact, you'd conducted your own mini book club between the two of you on plenty of occasions. Mainly because you both found out you were the kind of people that liked your personal time and space, but didn't like the thought of being completely alone. This wasn't new, but it warmed your heart all the same at the gesture.

'That sounds great, Spence!' you said heartily. 'Give me half an hour and I'll be around at yours-'

'Actually,' Spencer interrupted, 'I was thinking we could grab some dinner together first. You know, like at a restaurant or some place you can sit in at.'

'...Like a date?' you asked softly, breathlessly. The words just kind of slipped from you before you even contemplated how they would affect Spencer. It just felt natural and right.

Your heart pounded like a jackhammer between your ribs, but you were more concerned at what expression Spencer would pull in the next five seconds.

To your relief, he smiled that small little smile of his that spoke volumes of his insecurity but also of his genuine intentions. 'Yeah. I guess it is like a date,' he finally replied.

Oh my goodness. He was nervous. His words were rushed and higher-pitched in tone. but you still managed to understand him, as well as what dinner implied.

A half-smile pulled at your lips. 'Dr. Spencer Reid,' you began softly, half-scared, half-excited to speak the words you'd been holding back for so long. 'Are you asking me out on a date right now?'

At your words, his anxiety seemed to disappear, as he stopped fidgeting with the satchel strap and took a daring step closer to you. 'I guess I am.'

You couldn't stop it now, the smile of pure joy you'd been holding back from splitting your face open. After years of suffering silently, of repressing the truth, it was all worth it for that one question.

'So what do you say, SSA Y/N L/N,' he quipped cheekily. 'Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?'

The answer was right there in the tip of your tongue, almost spewing from you, when your name was called out across the bullpen for all to hear.

The globe of silence and serenity that had built around Spencer and yourself suddenly shattered as you both, alongside the rest of the team, turned to Hotch standing in his office doorway. But while you all looked at him, his hard gaze was honed in on you.

'L/N,' he called again, having your attention now. 'Can I see you in my office, please?'

You looked between him and Spencer, unsure who to answer first. In the end, you were still technically on the clock so you nodded at your boss and said, 'Sure, I'll be in there shortly.'

'This can't wait, I'm sorry.'

It was the seriousness and discomfort in his voice that caused you to throw aside your personal agenda, giving Spencer an apologetic look before quickly making your way through the bullpen, up the stairs and into his office. You tried not to look at your team too much as you did, but you felt their gazes on the back of your head nevertheless.

They were just as confused as you were, then.

'Close the door,' Hotch instructed gently, to which you obliged. He pointed to the seat on the other side of his desk. 'Have a seat.'

'Everything okay, Hotch?' you asked, taking a seat in the chair. 'Oh no. Did I make an error in one of my reports again?'

'No, nothing like that,' he reassured you, which didn't help your already built up worry. For a moment, it was just you two sitting in his office in silence; you waited for him to explain his mysterious actions, while he seemed to struggle to find the right words.

He never struggled to find the right words.

You leaned forward in your seat, worry furrowing your brow. 'Hotch. What's wrong?'

'Nothing is wrong, so to say,' he insisted, but his frown remained. 'I've just been in contact with your old unit chief from Organised Crime. They believe there is an underground operation being conducted by gang leaders in Manhattan that involves the transporting, selling and purchasing of girls and women in the prostitute industry.'

'Okay,' you drawled out, more confused than ever. 'What has this got to do with us?'

'It doesn't,' Hotch answered immediately. 'Just you. Your old unit chief wants you back to go undercover in the case.'

'What?' You stood up from your seat instead of shouting, but goodness it took all your strength not to. 'Why do they need me? They have a whole squadron of agents to choose from.'

'They want a profiler to help them find out who these people are first, then go undercover and become part of the operation's inner circle and report back to them,' Hotch explained, although his tone displayed his displeasure in saying so. 'Y/N, you have more experience in undercover missions than anyone else on this team, even before you joined us as a profiler.'

You knew his words to be true, but the reality of it all was an ever-growing weight on your chest. 'What they are asking, Hotch, could take weeks, months even. Those kind of people will not trust so easily,' you tried reasoning with him.

You couldn't help but look through the blinds to your team still standing and talking outside in the bullpen. To Spencer, who had joined the team since you had left, but just looked at the window as if he could find out what was going on behind the glass and blinds if he looked long enough. It broke your heart to think you wouldn't see him for months, maybe even years.

Because that was the thing with undercover missions. Once you assumed the life of someone else, your old life became non-existent. That meant no contact with anyone outside of the case as a safety precaution.

That meant no talking to Spencer, or anyone in the BAU, until the case ended. Or unless you were killed, in which case you wouldn't be able to do a lot of talking anyways.

You turned back around at the sound of Hotch standing from his seat and coming around the desk to speak directly in front of you, no walls to hide behind. 'You know I wouldn't be asking if I hadn't tried to change their mind first. But even I can't argue that you are the best agent for the job.'

You nodded your understanding even if you hated to admit he was right. 'I guess it's not one of those jobs that I can decline, is it?'

Hotch shook his head regrettably. 'Head Chief requested for you personally. You've already been taken off the roster here at the BAU so you're not disturbed by other cases.'

Hearing that was just rubbing salt in the wound, and you hated the burning feeling of tears rising at the back of your eyes. You were already gone from here, like a ghost that didn't realise she was one to begin with.

Hotch's hand rested heavy on your shoulder as he comforted you. 'We can discuss your return to work when your mission is over. You will always have a place with us, Y/N.'

You attempted a smile, but it was strained as you tried to force back tears. You wiped at the strays that dribbled down your cheeks, pulling yourself back together before speaking again. 'All right. How long do I have before I am expected in the Big Apple?'

'There's someone waiting for you at your apartment already. They'll take you to their headquarters when you're done packing tonight.'

You sucked in air as you felt your whole world tilt unstably. Tonight. You had to leave tonight. Again, you found yourself seeking out Spencer through the half-closed blinds.

'So what do you say, SSA Y/N L/N? Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?'

You bit your lip as you blinked your tears away, trying but failing to ignore the cry of your heart as its strings were pulled harshly. 'Tonight?' you asked in the hope you'd misheard.

But no such hope existed, unfortunately.

'Yes,' Hotch said, that one word the final nail in the coffin of your impending suffering. 'I'm sorry. This goes without saying, but don't mention any of this to the team as you leave. Only myself and Section Chief Cruz will know where you are and the details of your mission.'

You huffed out a joyless laugh. 'Hiding truths from a team of profilers is like playing poker with a mirror attached to your face,' you said, and you didn't bother to hide your displeasure and sadness when you did. 'They're going to ask questions, and they will find out the truth eventually.'

'Let me worry about that,' Hotch said gently, letting go of you and leaving a cold mark where his hand once was. 'You've got bags to pack.'

'Right.' You sucked in a few deep breaths before making your way to the door. tears burned at your eyes again but you couldn't let the team see you like this. You couldn't let Spencer see you like this.

Because you had a job to do. And you always finished a job.

Before you could open the door handle, however, Hotch stopped you once more. 'Y/N.'

You looked at him, forcing an expression of blankness and indifference. 'Yes, sir?'

He must've seen your inner struggle, as he offered one of those genuine smiles of his that were oh so rare. 'We'll see you when you get back,' he said.

It wasn't a promise or a done deal, but it was the most hope you could ask for right now. So you smiled your thanks, nodded your goodbye, and opened the door back into the bullpen.

Immediately, all eyes set upon you and the room grew quiet. Your first instinct was to cry, then to run, then to blurt everything out because you hated keeping secrets. But you remembered what had just been said, and you whipped a bright smile onto your face to hide your despair.

'Don't you guys have homes to go to?' you asked cheerily, walking down the stairs as casually as possibly. You would've bee-lined for your bag, but if you moved too quickly they would suspect something. 'I recall hot baths and scotch were awaiting most of us, are they not?'

Thankfully Rossi took the bait, and picked up his go-bag in a huge huff. 'The lady is right. I spend enough time with you people as is, I am not wasting anymore not drinking and soaking.'

'Soaking in what? The bath or scotch?' JJ asked, also picking up her go-bag to make her way back to the elevator.

The group devolved into laughs and other jests, and you breathed a sigh of relief as you picked up your go-bag and followed them. Before you could though, a gentle call of your name halted you in your tracks, out of both politeness and frozen fear.

'Hey,' Spencer started, looking between you and Hotch's office. 'What was all that about?'

'Oh, uh, nothing super important,' you said, scrambled as you words were. 'Just a paperwork issue. Again.'

He broke out in smile that set your heart aflutter despite your inner turmoil. 'You know, you really shouldn't do paperwork on the plane when you're tired if you're just going to make a mistake. You're better off leaving it to the morning when your brain and body has rested enough to comprehend what the paperwork is asking of you.'

'Well sorry if I don't want to do a mountain of paperwork when I come back into the office,' you countered, grateful for the playful distraction as you made it over to the elevator. The others were just piling in when Spencer halted you again.

'So...' he dragged out, eyes flickering between you and teh floor nervously, '...what do you say?'

'To what?' you asked.

'To dinner. You didn't have time to give me an answer before.'

Shit. Your voice failed you now as you grasped at words - any words - to tell him. Your heart screamed yes, but there was someone waiting for you back home. A home you wouldn't be visiting for who knows how long.

Capitalising on your gaping mouth, you forced out a yawn and feigned covering it up out of embarrassment. 'Oh my goodness, sorry about that. Um, actually, now that you mention it, I am pretty beat. I'm just... going to go home and sleep it off if that's all right.'

It pained you to see his smile drop at your words, to see the hope leave his beautiful eyes at your rejection. And you knew you shouldn't say anything or make promises you couldn't keep, but you couldn't just leave him with no hope.

'Maybe next week sometime,' you offered, hoping your smile could bring some of that light back. 'You know, you've never tried the Italian Restaurant under my apartment before. We could go there. On me.'

Instinctively, you reached for his hand, relishing in the warmth it held and brought into you. To your relief, he didn't pull away. Instead, you got your smile back, and a little light returned to his eyes. You were kind of glad you wouldn't be around when the light left him completely.

'Okay,' he said softly, surprising you with a gentle squeeze of your hand in his. 'It's a date.'

'Yeah,' you replied, trying and failing to push aside the fluttering sensation his words gave your heart. You were only prolonging not only your pain, but his.

Selfish. So selfish.

'Come on, you two,' Derek called out from the elevator. 'I can't hold these doors open forever. Savannah will kill me if I miss our dinner reservations.'

You both quickly made it in to the elevator before Derek let them close on you, and then you were caught up in the chaos that was your team. You weren't sure how you got onto the topic of what scotch goes best with what foods, but you didn't care. It made you happy to know they never let the weight of a dark case get in the way of living their own lives to them fullest.

You all reached the car park and before you could make a run for your car, Spencer called out to you. 'See you Monday, Y/N!'

You turned back around to face not only him, but Derek, JJ, Penelope, Alex, and David as they all slowly went for their cars too.

You caught yourself staring at them, taking their happy faces in one last time before you left them behind. Hotch said you'd always have a place with the BAU, but you weren't sure how long this mission would take. And if you'd be replaced by then.

You forced a smile onto your face and waved them farewell. 'Yeah, see you then.'

You hated the bitter taste the lie brought to your mouth, but you managed to keep it together long enough that you got in your car and drove out of the car park without any more issues. That's when the tears came.

You wouldn't be there next Monday, and were not getting that date with Spencer next week.

It hurt you more to think that you may not get that date at all.

[silentglassbreak]

Anonymous

Noah Sebastian x OFC

Alright folks, I think I’m on the other side of this cold. Which unfortunately means I am back at work. Things are going to start getting more serious here, so bear with me.

Moving forward, each chapter will have its own warnings above the normal, so just keep an eye out. As always, thank you for reading. ☺️

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, overall abuse, mild violence (ie. bar fights), smut, swearing, and altogether just a lot of fuckery. **STRONG TRIGGER WARNING FOR SA** Please proceed w/ caution.

+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.

Taglist: @flowery-mess

Part 8 - Limits

Three months is not a long time. Not long enough for me to drink in the relationship that now was encompassing the vast majority of my life. I still had my job, my meetings, my daily walks with Angel…but everything else was Noah.

Nights watching movies with him. Days going to his house and just existing while he sat in his studio making music. Standing backstage at random pop up shows they did. Morning showers. Evening cuddles. Very late night sex. Sex all the time? Noah had an incredible sex drive and I was along for the ride.

But today, this truly horrific day, was his last day before he left again on tour. It was panic day. And I couldn’t get out of work. He leaves in the morning for Houston, and is absolutely losing his mind with anxiety.

My phone was going to vibrate off of my desk, so I slipped it into the top drawer and turned my attention back to the clients in front of me.

“I’m so sorry about that, where were we?”

The young couple sat in the chairs in front of my desk, their expression cool and positive. They radiated happiness, love. Jared and Sarah Miller, newlyweds, and visibly elated to be buying their first home. Sarah’s belly sat heavy in her lap, thirty-six weeks into her pregnancy with their first baby.

Their house was closing next week, so we needed to discuss what all needed to be done prior and run their one last statement check.

“You can take that, if you need Mileena. We don’t mind waiting.” Sarah smiled at me warmly, and I felt a tug in my chest when I heard my phone vibrate again.

“Oh, it’s fi-“ Before I could finish, it stopped vibrating, only to begin again half a second later. “Uhm…”

I opened my drawer, looking down to see Noah’s face flashing once again.

“I’m so sorry, it’s my boyfriend. It may be an emergency if he’s calling this much.”

Jared stood up. “No worries! We can run to the car and get Sarah’s snacks, if you don’t mind we eat in here?”

I shook my head. “Not at all! I’ll only be a second.”

“Take your time.” Sarah chirped before they walked out of the office, the door latching behind them.

I slid the newest call open. “Why aren’t you answering?! Are you dying?!”

I had to pull the phone from my ear due to the sheer volume of his voice. “Noah, I’m at work. Not dying.”

“Oh.” His voice calmed down instantly. “Good, because I almost got worried.”

I snorted. “Almost? You’ve called me like, a hundred times!”

He chuckled. “It’s panic day?” He said defensively.

“Panic day or not, babe. I’m with clients.”

“Fuck! I’m sorry. I should’ve known.”

I glanced at my computer screen to a new Teams message.

Sam: Saw your clients left. Wanna get lunch?

I cringed.

Me: They’re coming back. And no, eating in.

I saw the indication he was typing pop up, but disappear a moment later with no new message.

“Listen, babe,” I brought my attention back to Noah. “How about I go to your place after work? I can grab food on the way?”

“I really should focus.”

I laughed. “Cause you’re doing such a great job.”

“You’re right.”

“I’ll see you about six. Love you.”

“Love you too, babe.”

And we ended the call right as Jared and Sarah walked back in.

I smiled widely and took a breath. “Crisis averted. Now, let’s get you guys this house.”

-

I sat cross-legged on Noah’s bed, pulling potstickers from the paper box in my hand. Noah was chewing on his food while his fingers clacked at his keyboard, sending last minute emails to his tour manager.

Rick and Morty played on the television, and I idly watched it while letting him have his space. ‘Just having you here makes me feel more calm’ is what he told me, so I’m just existing, letting him have his panic in peace.

Noah had gone to my house this afternoon and picked up Angel after we talked, bringing him back to his place so I didn’t have to stop home after work. I was almost convinced he loved that dog more than me. I’m okay with that.

Noah turned, chow mein noodle hanging out of his lips. I chuckled at the sight, and he turned his lips up in a goofy smile. He slurped the noodle in his mouth and licked his lips. As silly as he is, he’s still absolutely breathtaking.

His muscle shirt showed his arms that were slowly becoming more defined every time I really looked at them. Noah had been filling free time he had going to Muay Thai and Boxing classes, trying to keep off any unnecessary pounds he may put on from his sugar intake. The results were becoming…difficult to not appreciate.

“You done?”

He nodded, leaning back in his chair. “I think so. Nothing left to do but sleep.”

I nodded, satisfied. “Good.” I glanced at my watch, noticing it was already seven-thirty. The first forty-five minutes of me being here was spent trying to calm the anxiety and help him find his favorite jacket that somehow ended up in Jolly’s laundry hamper.

“We’ve got to head out in about an hour.”

His lips turned down in a frown. “Why?”

“I’ve got work in the morning, and you’re leaving at 4 in the morning. You need sleep.”

“Nuh-uh.”

I raised my eyebrow at him. “Noah, unless you have a show, you can barely stay conscious past 10PM. You still have to shower.”

He shrugged. “Don’t care.”

“Mkay, well I care. Because I also have to shower and decompress before bed.” I stood off the bed and piled the empty food containers into the bag they came in, walking it over to the garbage can.

“Take this out tonight, or it’ll be awful when you get back.”

He just stared at me, a look I couldn’t quite place on his face. It made me shift my weight under me, unsure of how to react.

“What? Do I have soy sauce on me?” I wiped at my face, but he just shook his head.

“No.” He then sighed heavily. “We’re going to be gone longer this time.”

My heart pulled. He was right. He’d be gone two and a half months this time, which shouldn’t be long, right? Three months went by so fast…

“I know. But, I’ll be at the show here in October. And you’ll be home a week after that, just in time for your birthday.”

He chewed his bottom lip. I walked over to him, stopping directly in front of his chair.

“Then we’ll spend the holidays together.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, his head leaning into my chest, his arms swallowing my waist. “Christmas, New Year, Thanksgiving.”

He would be going back on tour at the end of January, so we had to take what we could get.

“Can’t you just come with me?”

I chuckled. “I wish, baby.”

I pulled my arms back, gripping either side of his neck to bring his face up to mine, placing a soft kiss on his lips. His arms tightened around me and a soft moan hummed out of him.

“Now,” I pulled my face back and pushed him back into his chair. “sit there quietly, and let me give you your parting gift.”

I sunk down to my knees and watched while he lifted his brows at me, narrowing his eyes.

“Since when do I do what you tell me?” His tone was apprehensive.

I gazed up at him through my lashes, doing my best to look innocent while my hands unzipped his jeans.

“Since I have something you want.” I very dramatically licked my lips, leaving excess saliva on my bottom lip for effect.

He pursed his lips, and gave a curt nod of his head.

“Fair enough.”

-

I was wrong. I was so wrong. Two-and a half months was crawling. I would assume it felt that way since it had only been two weeks, but it felt like a year.

I had just hung up the phone, Noah having to head into sound check. My lunch break was close to over, so I was already sitting behind my desk, scrolling through emails while I waited for my next client to make their appointment.

My desk phone chimed, and I grabbed the receiver.

“Kline Home Lending, this is Mileena?”

“Are you not logged in to Teams?” Sam’s voice was sharp on the other end.

“I’m on lunch. I haven’t taken Do Not Disturb off yet.”

“Lex wants to see us. Didn’t say why. We need to go now.”

I straightened my back and checked the time. I only had twenty minutes until my next appointment. That didn’t matter, though. When Lex called, you went. He was the President of Kline, and he didn’t make appearances often.

I shot my client a quick text to wait for me in the lobby if I wasn’t back as I walked down the hallway behind Sam toward Lex’s office.

“What do you think he wants?”

Same didn’t turn to respond. “Don’t know. He just asked to see us two.”

What could he possibly need? I kept my nose down, sold my loans, and kept it pushing. I didn’t make waves. Sam, on the other hand…

“Ah! Thank you both for coming on short notice. I won’t keep you too long.”

Sam and I each took a seat in front of Lex’s desk. Our boss, a tall, older man with white hair and his shirt unbuttoned the top two buttons, stood up and rounded the desk, leaning against it.

“I’m certain you don’t know why I’ve brought you here.” We both just nodded. “Right, well I’ll get straight to it.”

He went back to his chair, sitting down and waking his computer. “I assume you’re both familiar with Shamrock Lending?”

“Aren’t they the company that just declared bankruptcy?” I furrowed my brow, my question making him nod.

“Nearly. They’ve backed out of that.” Sam and I looked at each other inquisitively. “We’re absorbing them, including their employees and client base.”

“Why?” Sam sounded unamused.

“Shamrock maintained a prestigious client-base and had great word of mouth. The pandemic killed the business, and with them having been such a small company to begin with, it didn’t cost us much. And now we can retain their clientele, including their celebrity accounts.” He had his chin resting in his hands. “They sold Kelly Clarkson a house last year.”

Sam snorted. “So, what does that have to do with us?”

I had to forcibly not roll my eyes at his disrespectful attitude.

Lex looked intrigued, staring directly at Sam.

“I’m glad you asked, Samuel.” The sound of his full name made Sam visibly straighten. “We need to do something to boost morale for their employees. Shamrock was a family-owned company so most of their staff are…less than thrilled at coming over to Kline.”

“I could understand that.” I empathized.

“Exactly. So we are going to arrange for a company event, something to lighten the spirits. Eating, drinking, and overall merriment.” He pointed at us. “Oh, and live music! That always gets people excited.”

He stood again. “I need you both to organize it. You’re my top performers, so I trust you both to be able to arrange something within the next week or so.”

My eyes widened. We had to what?!

“With all due respect sir, but when you say organize?”

“Find a venue, get catering, hire a band, all that jazz.”

“My family has an estate on a vineyard in Escondido. Perfect for this.” Sam was now smiling confidently. Kiss ass.

Lex snapped. “Wonderful! We need this ready happen by the end of September. The merge is effective as of October 1st.”

I’m so fucked.

-

The following seven days had been a blur. A long, exhausting, frustrating blur. I had to reschedule so many appointments so Sam and I could work on the event.

Venue was no issue, but we needed catering, entertainment, staff, decorations, which is what Sam and I were currently arguing over.

The amount of arguing we had done over the last week had drained everything out of me. Spending this much time with him was absolutely ungodly. He was so difficult to tolerate, his bravado and over enthusiastic flirting got so far under my skin I could feel it in my bones.

“We need a theme!”

“It’s not junior prom, Sam! We don’t need casino night!”

He scoffed, pacing over the floor in my office while I sat, my fingertips rubbing my temples.

“So it’s just a ‘Hey we get you hate us, but get drunk and have salmon’ party?!’

We were interrupted by the door opening, Chrissy, the janitor, coming to clean my office.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I thought you guys were gone.” She backed out and closed the door.

“Jesus Christ, what time is it?” I checked my watch. “Ugh, it’s already seven. I’ve got to go.”

“No, no, we need to finish this. The event is in three days.” He pulled his phone out. “I’m ordering some pizza.”

I stood up in protest. “As fun as that sounds, I’ve got to go walk my dog. Or he’ll piss in the house.”

He locked his phone and gave me a disgusting grin. “No worries, we can just finish at your place.”

My face must have mimicked my disdain because he only smiled wider. I groaned and sat back down.

“Fine. Let’s just finish it.”

I finally swung my front door open at 9PM, exhaustion and agitation fueling me the entire ride home. Angel met me at the door, eyes big, obviously concerned for my whereabouts. He's never left alone quite this long, more so these last few months with Noah picking him up nearly every day.

"Hey baby." He barked in response while I kicked my heels off. "I'm so sorry I was gone so long."

He ran to the back door in response. I dropped my bag right there on the floor, slipping my slides on and striding to let Angel out.

I stepped outside with him, watching as he disappeared near the trees in the corner of the yard, undoubtedly relieving himself. I stayed on the wooden porch, flopping down into the wooden chair at the table. I slipped a single cigarette out of the pack next to the ashtray and lit the end with a match. I didn't indulge in my nicotine habit often, only in times of severe stress. I bought a pack the day I learned of the event and had smoked one each night after work.

I hadn't told Noah that.

This reminded me that I hadn't heard from him all day. I slipped my phone out of my pocket, taking a long drag from my smoke.

I pressed call as soon as I found his name in my recent list, noticing our last phone call was yesterday afternoon. We hadn't talked hardly at all since Sunday, when the shows became more frequent and my work started taking up all my damn time. Our nightly calls had been skipped a few times now, and we mostly communicated over text. Until now, I hadn't noticed how badly I missed him until I saw his contact photo show up when the phone rang; a picture of him sleeping, Angel stretched out over his stomach, snoozing comfortably on my bed.

I put the phone on speaker and set it on the table, leaning back in my chair.

"Hello?" His voice that came through was loud. There was a ton of background noise and voices. There was also some kind of music. Music I didn't recognize - heavy bass drums, some kind of high-pitched synth, with rhythmic reverb. Club music?

"Hey babe. What're you doing?" I could hear shuffling on the other end.

"What?" He couldn't hear me. "Hang on, babe. One sec." The phone then went completely silent, evidently muted.

After a few moments, I could hear sound again, but it was much quieter. "Hey babe, I'm sorry. I couldn't hear shit in there."

"What are you doing?" My voice was sharp, which I wasn't sure if it was due to me being wildly suspicious all of a sudden, or the frustration bleeding over from work.

"Oh, uh, after the show the guys wanted to stop off at this place on our way back to the hotel." His voice sounded intentionally nonchalant.

"What kind of place?"

He was quiet. Too fucking quiet.

"Babe, don't freak out." He sighed heavily. "It's a bar, and look-"

"You're at a fucking bar?!" I stood up, dropping my cigarette into the ashtray.

"Babe, please don't yell at me." I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose, forcibly evening out my voice.

"Noah, why the hell are you at a bar?" I said through gritted teeth.

"It's one of the guys' in ERRA's birthday tonight. We're just here to celebrate. I'm going to be fine." He was annoyed, I could hear it. I was 'sponsor'-ing him, but I didn't fucking care.

"Please don't drink, Noah." He groaned.

"I won't, Leena." His voice was slightly venomous. This bothered me. How could he not understand why I was upset by this? It was a valid fucking reason to be upset. He was right on top of earning his 6-month chip.

"Good. Because I swear to God, I will snatch those chips away from you so fucking fast."

He didn't even breathe. "Nick is here. He'll keep me straight."

"He's not drinking?"

"No."

"Okay." I sat back down.

"I'll call you when I get back to the hotel and after I shower."

"Okay." I picked my cigarette back up. "I love you."

"Love you too." Click. My heart tugged. It felt wrong.

When he finally called me, I was already half asleep. I had showered, finished getting ready for bed, and began fading while watching Supernatural. It was typically unheard of for me to pass out so early, but I was positively exhausted.

My phone began singing next to my face, and I moaned in defeat. I just wanted to be unconscious.

"Hey." My voice was thick with sleep.

"Hey, were you sleeping?" His voice sounded pretty sleepy too. It was past his bedtime.

"I was, but I'm fine." I sat up in bed. I ran a hand over Angel, who was now sound asleep in Noah's spot on my bed.

"Mmm. How was your day?"

I leaned back on my pillows, yawning. "It was long. Had to stay late again."

"With Sam?"

This made me snap to attention. The bite in his tone startled me. "Yeah, unfortunately."

"Hmm." He was making a lot of humming noises tonight. "Been spending a lot of time with him, yeah?"

You're fucking kidding. Noah was not getting jealous...of Shithead Sam?!

"Not voluntarily. We just had to get this event worked out."

"And did you?" He was still so serious. Nothing like what I was used to with Noah.

"Yes." My words were slow, still in disbelief at his attitude. "The event is on Saturday over in the valley. I'll be driving down there Saturday morning to make sure it gets set up."

"Well, I'm sure he'll meet you there."

I had about enough.

"Noah, what's your problem?" I was serious now, over whatever bullshit game it was he was playing.

"I don't have one." He paused. "Do you?"

Is he instigating an argument? "I didn't think so, but you're acting weird." I sighed. "I don't like it."

I heard him breathe, a sigh, maybe? "I'm sorry."

I didn't respond.

"I don't know, I just don't like that guy."

I sat up, pausing the television. "I know you don't. Neither do I. But why be rude to me over it?"

"Well, you spending so much time with him bothers me."

"...and?" I furrowed my brow, bewildered. "I can't help that we got put on this project together."

He snickered. "I mean..." He trailed off.

"What?" I dared him.

"You could have said no."

My jaw dropped. Was he for fucking real? "How do you figure? The President of the company I work for tells me to organize an event, and I just...what? Decline?"

"Pretty much."

I shook my head, absolutely flabbergasted. "Are you fucking joking?" My voice was raised.

"I asked you not to yell at me."

I swung my legs over the bed and began pacing. "Well, that's hard to do when you're acting like this."

"Like what?" His voice was so even, so calm. It was getting under my skin.

"Like a jealous boyfriend!"

He was silent for a minute. "Am I not?"

"Oh my fucking God, Noah! You have nothing to be jealous about!" I was now laughing, but not because it was funny, but because it was so ridiculous. "The guy is fucking putrid!"

"So I've heard." That evenness in his tone was going to kill me, or get him killed if I get my hands on him. I knew that bullshit. It was manipulative, which up until this point, I didn't think Noah was. He had never acted like this before.

"Noah, you don't fucking get it. He's the opposite of attractive. He reminds me of my ex." I had never admitted that before, to him or myself. I didn't think about him often.

"Right, yeah. The ex-boyfriend you never want to talk about. Got it." There was a slight inflection in his voice. Good. At least I know he isn't a robot.

He was just a fucking asshole.

My voice was calm now, still as standing fucking water. "That's correct."

"Leaves me with lots of questions, Mileena."

Who the fuck was this douchebag on the phone with me? What piece of garbage was I talking to? It wasn't Noah. Not my Noah.

"I'm hanging up." My hand was shaking now.

"Sure, yeah, ignore the problem." He was getting worked up. I couldn't tell if that was better or worse.

"No, I'm just not letting this go any further." I took a breath to keep voice even. "You should get some rest."

"No, c'mon, let's talk about it! You always want to know about me and my fucking skeletons in the closet! Where's yours? What's the big fucking secret? Why do I have to pull fucking teeth to get you to fucking talk about your ex? Or your drinking? Or anything fucking personal?!" He was full-blown screaming now, and I was frozen solid.

He wasn't wrong. I always avoided talking about Jeremy, at all God damn costs. He enabled my drinking, he set back my sobriety, and that was the mild stuff.

"Noah...please stop." My voice was cracking now.

"Whatever. So much for a trusting fucking relationship."

That was it. That broke the dam. That sent me spiraling.

"Are you fucking KIDDING me?! You call me, start a fucking fight, and then have the audacity to say I can't be trusted you fucking bastard?! Why? Because I don't want to talk about the asshole that drove me to drink because he was abusing me so badly?! Who slapped me around so much that only the alcohol made it bearable?! Back when I tried to kill myself, couldn't because I was so God damn drunk, and ended up going back to him because he convinced me no one else would ever love me?!"

I couldn't stop. He flipped the switch and you can't just undo that.

"Fuck you, Noah! Fuck you and your bullshit jealousy and trust issues!" Tears were streaming down my face, blurring my vision. Somewhere, I felt Angel's nose pressing into the side of my leg. "Now go the fuck to sleep before I tell you to go to hell instead!"

I ended the call, before he could respond. My shaky hands frantically turned my phone off before I could receive a text or a call back.

-

I had put my phone on vibrate all day Friday, spending the majority of the day in my bed sulking. I didn't want to talk to anyone; Laura, my Dad, most importantly, Noah. Anytime I thought about it, I started crying. I laid in bed, only getting up to let Angel out and get snacks from the kitchen. I laid in bed, watching comedy movies to try and relieve my mind.

It wasn't until I woke up Saturday morning that I finally read all of the missed texts.

The night of the fight:

Noah: Leena I'm such a fcking asshole. I'm sorry. Pleese call me back.

Noah: Babe I don't even know what got into m please.

Noah: Yourr phone is going straigt to voicemail. I guess you turned it off. I'm going to sleep now. I love you. Call me please?

Friday morning:

Noah: Is your phone back on?

Noah: Guess not.

Noah: Leena, please call me. I feel sick thinking about how dumb I was being. I promise I will never do that again. I swear. Please just respond to me.

Nick: Leena, Noah won't stop asking me to text you. Please call him.

Noah: I'm about to cancel the show tonight and fly home. Please Leena.

Noah: Nick said I can't cancel the show. Too short notice. Please call me. I need to hear your voice.

Friday evening:

Noah: Look, I've tried really hard to be patient but I'm starting to freak out. Babe, please. I was stupid. I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever do anything like that again. I have no idea what got into me.

Noah: I'm going to quit texting now. I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry. Call me when you're ready. I love you so much, more than you'll ever know Leena. Always.

I sighed hard. I wasn't angry anymore, mostly just hurt. I really wanted Noah to be different, but after the way he was talking, it was hard to believe. Nothing made sense. In five months, he had not spoken like that to me at all. He was always so laid back, even about things that bothered him.

Something was wrong. Something was different.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to ponder it, as I had to get ready to drive to Escondido and get this hellscape of a day over with.

I decided to send him a response, but not give too much.

Me: I love you too. We'll talk tonight. Have a good show.

-

All things considered, the vineyard was absolutely stunning. The event was exactly how we planned, music elegant but still upbeat. The food was high-class, Kline sparing no expense. People were swaying and mingling, their drinks from the open bar settling nicely into their systems.

I was stood on a hill just out of sight of the happenings down by the massive estate home, overlooking the winery. Vines upon vines of grapes grew, causing such an incredible landscape while the sun began to set over the hills. It soothed the ache in my soul.

I heard footsteps approaching behind me, and gauging the weight of them, I rolled my eyes, knowing my moment was spoiled.

"Too good for the party?" I sighed. Sam's voice was the same as always, condescending and arrogant.

I turned, my long, olive green dress twisting at the skirt. "Nope, just taking a breather."

"Is it hard? Being around people drinking?" For once, he didn't sound like he was being judgmental, and it caught me off guard.

I shook my head lightly. "No. Not really anymore."

He nodded, standing next to me with his hands in his pockets.

"Hell of a view."

I shrugged. "It is."

He nudged my shoulder, gesturing over to a stable to his left. "Want to go see the horses?"

I smirked. "I'm okay, thank you."

He narrowed his eyes at me playfully. "C'mon, girl. Everyone loves horses!"

I chuckled. I contemplated this for a moment. I do love horses, having ridden many when I was younger.

Sam began stalking toward the barn, waving me along. "Just for a minute. You'll love them!"

I rolled my eyes, but still, I stomped after him, my heels nearly sinking into the grass beneath me.

He pulled the door open, the familiar smell of hay and feed hitting me in the nostrils. It was a comforting smell, reminding me of the horses my Dad helped tend when I was a little girl.

He walked into one of the stalls. "This one," he pulled on a rein, a stunning black horse peering out of the stall. I was drawn, walking up to her and smiling. "is mine. Her name is Onyx."

Her large nose pressed into my hand. I ran a hand up her face, reveling in the feel of her silky fur.

"She's amazing." I was in awe.

"Yeah, she's a good girl. Rides like a champ." I nodded.

"I'll bet she does." I backed away from her, peering over at Sam.

"You want to see another?" I nodded, a soft smile on my face.

He waved me down the stable, opening a stall at the end. "Come on."

I didn't see a horse, but I stepped in front of the door, confused. Sam was gone, and the stall was empty. I took a step forward just beyond the door, puzzled.

"Sam?"

It was at that exact second, a hand clapped over my mouth from behind, and a large, thick arm came to snake around me around the waist, holding my arms down to my sides and pulling me in close.

Sam had me pinned, his body pressed against my back, as I began writhing and struggling beneath him. Oh no. No, no, no, no.

I struggled as hard as I could, working my arms around in an attempt to get free. I felt his breath on the side of my face, his voice low and hushed.

"Shh, hang on there, girl. Wouldn't want anyone to know we're in here." I screamed against his hand, forcing him to clamp down harder, giving the feeling that my jaw may break.

Please, fucking, please, no.

"You've been playing this 'hard to get' bullshit for so long. It was about time we finally made it happen, huh?"

His hand over my mouth slid down to my neck, squeezing so tight that my vision began turning fuzzy.

I choked hard, trying like hell to get words out. "S-Sam, please, d-don't."

He had turned us around, pushing me against the wall of the stable. His hand that wasn't holding my throat was roaming up my skirt, his giant palm under my dress and tugging at my underwear. I thrashed again, trying like hell to get an inch so I could slip out of his grasp. It was futile. He had me, I was trapped.

I felt his fingers slipping into the hem of my panties, sneaking underneath. His hands violated me, making hot tears pour out of my eyes. I squeezed them shut, trying to just focus on having enough air to stay conscious. If I pass out, it's over.

I ignored his hands on me, and focused. His feet. His feet were the only shot I had.

I shifted my weight onto my other leg, realizing his was immediately behind mine, using both legs to keep mine spread.

I lifted my foot, and with as much force as I could muster, I jammed my heel into top of his foot, causing him to jump back, his hands releasing me at once. Without hesitation, once my arms were free, I reached my elbow back, connecting it with his face. I felt something crunch beneath my arm, but I didn't care.

As soon as he was no longer on top of me, I ran. I booked straight out of the barn, my vision slowly returning.

I was running back toward the party, up the hill. That's when I stopped. My dress was ripped on the strap, my hair was tangled up, and my makeup had to be running down my face. I was a mess. I looked insane.

I had to get the hell out.

I began sprinting to the parking lot, passing several people on my way but not stopping. I ran to my car that, thankfully, I had left unlocked, keys in the visor. I turned the engine over and tore out of the parking lot.

I didn't care that I blew past multiple stop signs. I pulled onto the interstate and drove. I drove until I couldn't see the winery behind me. Until I could barely see at all because my eyes were watering so badly. My breathing was so sporadic. My hands were screaming with how tight I had been gripping the steering wheel.

I finally snapped out of my state, realizing I needed to stop.

I pulled off on the next exit, finding a rest stop just off the highway and pulled into the parking lot. I sat there, staring out of the windshield, tears streaming, trying to calm my breathing.

It took me a moment to realize I had stopped, and for my brain to begin functioning again.

I picked up my phone, opening it and ignoring texts and missed calls and going straight to my contacts.

I pressed 'Call' and waited for the line to pick up.

"Hey babes, what's up?" Laura's voice rang through the line.

"I need help."

[fluffypotatey]

*puts on my Professor glasses* Macky really knows EXACTLY how to talk to Wukong, let's dissect it! M: Looks like things are going smoothly. W: I say, you've been here the whole time, haven't you? M: FFM is your home, but it's also mine. W: Did you find anything? M: Still nothing, however. Now the Jade Emperor is no longer present. The Celestial Realm already gives me an unsettling feeling. M: Wukong...that kid. W: I understand. M: You have to go and talk to him. W: I know! But...he still isn't ready. M: I see. You're the one who isn't ready, yet. How did you even become a teacher! M: He has to be. We all have to be realistic. W: He's just a kid. We can't let him... M: Who says he's just a kid! Why is it him? When you chose him, did you know? W: I didn't know, I really didn't know! I just followed...a feeling. M: Are you not the least bit worried?! This child has all of your special powers, and he always runs into trouble. Have you never questioned this before? Not a single person knows where he came from. Is it not strange?! M: We still have no clue as to whoever let out Azure Lion. All your old foes returned in one swoop. Are you not even a little- W: Then what about you? You also suddenly came back. M: Argh- M: I say, someone must be manipulating us behind our backs. Especially Xiaotian. But they still haven't succeeded. W: Then tell me. What about you? M: Tell me do you want my help or not?! / W: Not long ago you were still against me! / M: I see, you're just a- / W: ...after I assume you'll teach me how to train my own disciples? ~ Xiaotian Interupts ~ M: Look. That kid has made you his idol. You're his one true hero, but you... W: But I what? M: He has to understand, he doesn't need to carry these burdens. You have to do better. You can really tell whose the chatty one in this relationship XD Wukong might be a lil annoyed, but he's tolerant. And Macky is a little playful turd as always. Where Wukong gets gloomy and concerned, Mac swaps between teasing and serious in a blink. Then things get a lot more strained and tense, but unlike their previous fights, it never escalates into violence. Never a growl, never a raised fist. They're right at the edge, and they drop it. I'm very much interested in the psychology of arguments and when it comes to people latching onto (1) thing a person says and relating it slightly off topic to avoid talking about that other thing, like Wukong is doing here. It's so cool seeing how physical they are in trying to visibly control their emotions around each other, and how they keep trying to hold themselves back from tearing in further, always pausing and halting, and switching to another thing. They're TRYING. Ugh. I think Mac was trying to give a comforting smile at the end, but it's kinda warped by the whole ~ everything else. ~ Anyhow, I like how this starts with Wukong establishing, or rather cementing to Macaque that he believes MK is a kid. And while Macaque argues against that, he did also say before that Wukong should talk to him. And they have their squabble, with Mac pushing Wukong's buttons to get him to say something, BUT the fact this gets resolved with he needs to understand he doesn't need to carry these burdens. YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER. Like of all things Mac could have chosen. He's playing right into what Wukong himself believes, that will overwrite the "MK isn't ready" thing. Because let's face it. Mac is right when he says Wukong also isn't ready for that talk yet. He's so down throughout all this, Wukong probably feels himself that he needs to be better. AND by appealing to the fact MK is a kid, without explicitly stating that, just a statement that cannot be denied, BUT is a subject that undoubtedly, even Wukong cannot avoid. Because he wants better for MK. For him to not walk down the same path as him. Macaque has basically nudged Wukong into having that talk he wanted with MK by reframing it differently from what Wukong wasn't ready for. Thoughts? Critique?

*squishes you* anon…anon, you’re telling me..that this was the actual dialogue between SWK and Macky in 5x01. that what i just read is the translated version of the Mandarin dub. correct?

ok ok cool. i’m cool. gucci. feeling fantastic lemme just

WHAT THE FUCK LMK

ok so i ranted in the tags but realized i forgot to say more things (also i was worried i’d exceed the tag limit bc that is a real thing what do you know!)

so, anon, you said Macky knows how to talk to Wukong and yeah agreed but for me it’s for of the sense of “Macky knows how to get his words under Wukong’s skin”

he knows how to let his words sink in and fester in Wukong’s mind, making him reconsider things or another to help speed up certain decisions or choices Wukong is hesitating on. and ain’t it fascinating how despite how long it’s been since either character have talked or interacted with each other, they still know the ins and outs of their behavior and thoughts.

Macky knows Wukong needs to talk to MK but is holding back. Macky after one answer from Wukong realizes that it’s Wukong who isn’t ready for that conversation and switches tactics to try and breach that mental block

Wukong, in a need to avoid the conversation, brings up the questions surrounding Macky’s reason for even being alive again because that is information neither have talked about and oh hey! Macky is avoiding that conversation too! and it’s an important one to have so he pushes for it, but Macky knows it’s being pushed to avoid their original discussion and is annoyed bc “classic Wukong, never wanting to delve too deep into topics where he’ll need to be vulnerable for” (especially when said vulnerability is with his newly re-allied ex friend Macaroni himself)

god i love them

[honeyglz]

</3 Breaking up w/ mha characters + little snippets </3

A/N - Let me know if you guys want full length fics for any of these cause I may or may not do some. Im starting this off with the main three but hopefully Ill do more characters later. Also Shoto's is a lil shorter than the rest my bad. Yk the drill on rpoof reading.

Reader- GN for Bakugou and Deku, fem used for Todoroki (Though it could be veiwed as more of a Afab reader instead, just mind the pronouns) , She/Her, You/Your/ Yours

Disclaimer- I do not own any of the characters aside from my depiction of Y/N.

Pairings (separate) - Bakugou x (engaged)reader, Deku/Midoriya x (dating) reader , Todoroki x (engaged) reader

Warning- Mentions of violence/death/injury (No abusive relationship is written in this it is just part of their jobs as hero's). Arranged marriage for Shoto's

Category- Angst Check Master-list for follow up's for each character.

-♡- ✮Bakugou K.✮

Reason: He didn't care enough to make time

Plain and simple.

He's a busy guy, esp once he becomes a pro hero

It starts off small too

He misses the good morning kiss he usually gives you

Next its coming home late

At first you thought maybe he was just tired.

Until he starts blowing off dates. Here you were. Sitting in your chair uncomfortable with the amount of whispers that you could hear. 3 hours you had been waiting. Pity glanced brushed off your shoulders as you sighed flagging down a waiter. "ready to order?" the waiter said in a small voice as he watched you try to cover the sadness in your tone "Yea.. Ill take.."

Katsuki arrived home later that night. Covered in soot and ash as he lay on the couch.

You found him in the morning, still fast asleep.

You sighed as you let it slide, he was busy, surely it was a one time thing right?

Wrong

So so very wrong

He had missed a total of 20 dates

20 .

2

0

It wasn't until you finally had enough of being second place to his job did you try and talk to him...

Bad idea. It was late. The glow from your alarm clock light your face, dried tears staining your checks. You looked down at the sliver ring on your finger. Unaware of the door to your shared apartment having been opened. Katsuki's footsteps were heavy, sluggish movements as he kicked off his boots. His gauntlets thrown carelessly onto the couch noticing the dim light from your shared bedroom. Tracking his way into the room he noticed you staring down at your ring, twisting it nervously as you spaced out. A low grumble snapped you from your thoughts as you stared up at him, eyes devoid of the warm glow he fell in love with. "Bakugou. We need to talk." His thoughts came to a halt at your words. Why the actual fuck were you using his last name? He rubbed his eyes tiredly as he sighed clearly annoyed at the shit you were trying to pull. "Can this wait, Im fucking tired and-" he huffed only to be cut off "It can't wait." There was a cold sadness to your voice, foreign to his ears. He had to be hearing things. He watched as you stood only now taking in the rest of the room. Your things were missing. "Did we get robbed or sumthin- where the fuck is all your stuff" He said making a vague gesture to what now felt like a very empty room. Katsuki's eyes landed on the packed suitcase. Everything clicking in place now. You were leaving. He felt a lump form in his throat as he looked you over. You looked almost as tired as him. You kept your eyes low fidgeting with the ring once more before speaking. Your words calm and thought out. "I think we should take a break" Now. Katsuki has grown alot in the past years. But something inside him snapped at hearing the dreaded words fall out of your mouth. To him you were giving up on him. Like everyone else. Emotions swirled through his scarlet eyes before an anger bubbled over them.

Yeaaaa.....

Safe to say you both didnt recover from that. -♡- ✮Midoriya I. (Deku !!)✮

Reason- He's too scared of leaving you that he kept you at arms length.

You heard me right folks

Poor bby is scared that one day he wont be around and he'll leave you all alone

Solution?

Leave you all alone while he's still alive :D

Being fr tho ever since he became the new symbol of peace he's had this unconscious state of "Any moment may be my last"

Thing is he didn't really develop this until one night.... There had been a villain attack, one far more catastrophic then anyone would have predicted. Izuku came home hours later battered and bruised beyond belief. Walking into the your shared house it wasn't until he heard muffled cries that he snapped out of his daze rushing to the source only to find you, clutching his shirt, tears streaming down your face as the sound of the news blasted through the room. You turned your head to see your boyfriend, leaning against the door frame, splattered with blood and dirt his clothes torn with wounds oozing the horrid crimson liquid. Your glossy eye's met forest green and you sprang to your feet tripping as you fell, hands gripping his. That night Izuku fought tears while he watched you try to scold him between sobs about how he should have called you. How scared you were and how much you needed him to come home after stuff like that. Something in him switched that night. He never wanted to see you cry like that again.

And so he distanced himself

AND I DONT WANT ANYONE BEING LIKE

"Oh why dont u just come home early when stuff like that happens or be more careful"

At the end of the day there is no guarantee he'll be able to call you.

Or that he'll always be safe

There's no guarantee He'll be alive at the end of the day.

Its the realistic statistic's of his life

And of course being the symbol of peace, he had to accept that

But the thought of leading you on with the rest of the world

Leading you to think that every night he'll be there to lay next to you.

Allowing you to feel so much pain if he ever did leave.

The thought alone had him uneasy.

So he did the only thing he could think of.

Letting you leave first. You sighed as you packed your things, Izuku watching out of the corner of his eye, trying his best to act indifferent to it all. "I think that's the last of it..." You said gripping the handle as you looked over to the man you had loved for years. The man that you thought you would marry. The man who now wouldn't even spare you a glance. A uninterested hum echoed through the house. Utter shock painting your face as you scoffed biting back tears that threatened to spill once again. You turned on your heel hand hovering over the cool steel of the door handle before you stopped. "You're not the man I fell in love with, not anymore." You turned the handle leaving the shattered man behind. The slam of the door making the hero flinch. He did it. He kept you save. So why was he still crying? -♡- ✮Todoroki S.✮

Reason - He never gave it a chance

You two had been young when your parents arranged for you both to be wed.

You were told since day one about it.

Shoto, not so much.

It wasn't until he turned 18 was he told of this.

His first thoughts?

He hated it.

He hated the whole idea.

He despised it so much that he fought tooth and nail to get out of it. "You're not listening to me- I don't want to marry someone I've never met!" Anger filled his body as he yelled at his stoic father. The man never once cracking a look of sympathy for his son. Instead he stood up, firm eyes trailing down to the duo coloured ones below. "She had no problem with it. I don't see why you're making such a fuss, its for the family's blood line and-" Shoto felt flames crawl up his skin as he listened to his fathers ramble. Tired of it all he left leaving the man talking to thin air. He paced his training room before sending the room into a pit of rage filled flames. Ice covered the windows as he let out all his pent up anger. Cursing aloud at how foolish anyone would be to marry someone they didn't know.

Safe to say he didnt even want to meet you.

But you did and eventually got engaged.

But it was all a lie.

He didn't love you. He made sure you both knew it -♡- A/N I ran out of room. :/ I can redo Shoto's if yall end up liking this idk

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Life Can Be Terrible, but at Least You're In It [Hotch x Reader]

Prompt: This is a mix of two of @imagining-in-the-margins Meet Cute writing challenge dialogue prompts. I’ve mixed the two prompts: “Do you believe in Fate” and “This was way too cliched” to write this fic. 

Category: Angst/Comfort/Smut

Word Count: 9.2K

Content Warnings: Canon typical violence, U.S. police, hatred/violence against a religious group, light drinking, mention of self-harm (cutting - healed scars and one instance of open scars in the past), brief mention of childhood abuse, sex (oral -- fem and masc receiving, p in v). 

A/N: Oh boy, I have lots to say. To start, this is another @imagining-in-the-margins inspired fic for her Meet Cute writing challenge. Moving on from that: first off, this is an 18+ story, minors DNI. I love engagement, but if you’re a minor this is not for you. Thank you for respecting this boundary. Second, this turned into a bit of trauma dumping for me. I’ve been having some thoughts about my past choices and decided to write them out with Hotch as a character (you know he’s a great listener.) Third, this is my first time posting smut, if it’s not great, please forgive me. I hope to get better at it as I keep writing for Aaron. Last, this turned out wayyyyy longer than I anticipated. As I’ve stated before, I find it hard to characterize Hotch if I’m not writing a ton which is evidenced here. 

Please, please, please read the content warnings. If reading about scars and past self-harm might trigger you, please pass this one by. If you are thinking about engaging in self-harm, please reach out to a loved one or someone you trust. You deserve support. If all else fails, here is a support number you can call to get some help: Self Harm Crisis Line. 

On a more positive note, If you enjoy this fic, likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated. I hope you all have a great night. 

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

_y/b/f_ = your best friend 

_y/f/a_ = your favorite author 

_y/f/f_ = your favorite flower 

_f/c_ = your favorite color

Aaron was nervous about tonight. It was the first time that y/n was coming over to his place before a date. Normally he would offer to meet her at her apartment and they they would go out from there, or just hang out around the warm space doing something relaxing like cooking dinner or watching one of their favorite movies or TV shows. But last Thursday she had shown an interest in seeing his place and honestly, he didn’t have a valid excuse for why she shouldn’t come over. He kept his space neat and clean, he just thought that it didn’t have that much personality, but it would have to do and he knew she wouldn’t judge him if his taste was metrosexual. y/n had given her care and affection to him, not his apartment. 

He hadn’t meant to have feelings for his newest agent. In fact, he made it a point to not fall in love with any of his agents or the women at the bureau as the idea of mixing work and pleasure felt all too unsure. If something went bad, or the relationship faltered, the fallout to the team would be immense, and he didn’t want to risk his own career for the sake of his team. However, when y/n had hastily been added on after a case that required a domestic terrorist and cult specialist, y/n had joined the team for what Aaron had assumed would be just the one case. He was hesitant to add someone new, but Strauss had him cornered on the issue and he agreed because he didn’t have a choice. He was weary of y/n -- not willing to trust someone he hadn’t vetted or already knew. However, y/n had sat back and didn’t assume a commanding role at all during the case. She paid attention to the facts and then looked at them from her lens of expertise. When she needed help she had asked JJ or Emily, and one time when it had only been him and y/n at the precinct, he had asked, “How are you feeling?” y/n had looked up and faced the intensity of his gaze and said, “I’m a bit lost, to be honest. I didn’t know it was going to be like this, but I think I’ve found some things that match the preliminary profile that would confirm the unsub was the leader of a religious cult with white Nationalist ideologies.” Hotch nodded. He might have been weary of y/n but at least she was honest and hadn’t done anything foolish or detrimental to the team yet. He pulled his eyes away from her gaze and moved closer to her saying, “Show me what you have?” He could see her physically relax as if she was expecting a reprimand instead of him wanting to listen to her, and he wondered if this was the natural response he got from most people who didn’t know him. At this, his internal monologue answered, “How can people get to know you, Aaron? You don’t open up.” Hotch pushed the thought aside and nodded that he was ready to hear what she had. 

y/n observations had been instrumental in finding the unsubs and his compound's location. y/n just didn’t know how to slip her information in with the current profile. When the case was finished, Aaron sincerely extended a hand and said, “Thank you for your help, y/n, your insight was needed in solving this case. I may call on you again if another case like this comes to our team.” y/n had taken his hand and given in a firm shake, slightly awed by what she assumed was praise coming from someone as important and well-known as Agent Hotchner. She had replied, “It would be my honor, Sir.” With that he let the woman leave the tarmac. Once y/n was inside the bullpen, she checked to make sure Agent Hotchner wasn’t nearby, and she approached Emily, who was packing to go home. Emily looked at her and smiled, asking, “What’s up y/n?” y/n faltered for a second before saying, “Is Agent Hotchner always that, intense?” Emily smiled softly and replied, “Yeah, pretty much.” The brunette added, possibly because she was working through her own feelings for the team's enigmatic leader, “But he’s a good man and a good leader. In the end, he puts this team above everything else.” y/n blushed, realizing this was more than just a simple observation about Agent Hotchner. At this point, Aaron returned to the bullpen after calling Hailey to let her know that he was back and would be home that evening. He nodded at Emily and when she nodded back, y/n couldn't help but turn and see who Emily was looking at. Once she realized it was Agent Hotchner she snapped back to looking the other way; something Aaron hadn’t missed. 

Aaron had called y/n for two more cases over the next three and a half months. y/n was a quick learner and during the next case, she was more prepared and tried to participate with the team more, willing to offer a comment that she thought would be useful. She still stood in the background most of the time, but it was clear she had improved from the first time she was on the team. When y/n and Derek were standing by the coffee pot at the local precinct, Morgan said, “y/n, I notice you’re a lot more on top of things this time. You’re doing a good job, that’s not always easy on a team like this.” y/n smiled and replied, “Well I did sort of research the team after the first case. You know not like stalking you or anything, I just read over a few of the previous major cases and stuff.” Derek nodded his approval and said, “Well it looks like the work is paying off.” While y/n thanked Derek, Aaron was standing a few feet away in the hallway and had heard the entire conversation. It wasn’t uncommon for people who spent a brief time on the team to do this. He got emails all the time from those who had had their brief stint on a case asking for a transfer. He also got emails from agents that had never set foot in the bullpen and to those he sent an automatically generated reply and then he would delete the email. Those who had worked for the team before might come back for a case, but rarely did he find them improved. Aaron realized that this felt callous maybe, but it was his job to have a cohesive team. A team that worked together in the worst possible circumstances and he wasn’t going to throw that away just because someone wanted to work with him or the team. However, Derek was right and he took a moment to look over at y/n wondering if just once, he was going to be proven wrong. 

The third case Aaron called y/n into was a bad one. A group of domestic terrorists were kidnapping, torturing, and killing men from Middle Eastern countries, particularly those that were influential in the Islamic religion. The police were stumped, but y/n immediately said, “This is probably extremism based off of post-9/11 sentiments. The two-year anniversary is coming up and this could easily be someone affected on the ground or someone that got sent back from Iraq during Desert Storm.” The New York Police had a lot of opposition to the idea, but Aaron was aware that they would be very biased in their opinions on the matter as it was so close to home. He assuaged their fears, but later he pulled y/n and Spencer aside and told both of them to keep running with y/n’s initial theory. As it turned out the call was coming from inside the house, or rather the police station as the unsub was one of the officers on staff at the station. He had spiraled quickly as the team got closer and closer to finding him. As a last desperate act, the officer, Monroe, had found another victim and pulled them to the station, threatening to bomb a religious building in the city and shoot the innocent victim if the BAU didn’t find someone else to blame for his crimes in an hour. y/n had been in the lady's room as this unfolded in the main lobby, but she heard the gunfire and quickly and quietly moved closer. She overheard the last of the unsubs plan. As Spencer tried to talk the man down, y/n had slipped her sidearm out of its holster and removed the safety. She looked into the mirror that showed the main room to pinpoint the location of Officer Monroe. For a moment before she made the final move into the open space, she looked to the side and caught Hotch’s eye. He gave her a minuscule nod, telling her to go ahead. Aaron jumped and pulled Spencer to the ground and the millisecond they were both in the clear before the unsub could figure out what was happening, y/n shot the man’s right hand which was holding his sanctioned firearm, and then y/n shot his shoulder, fully incapacitating officer Monroe. When this was done, Derek rushed forward and pulled the unsub away from the victim. Emily and JJ moved toward the victim and after she had re-engaged the safety and put her gun away, y/n helped Hotch and Spencer to their feet. 

Aaron looked over y/n for signs of shock or distress given that she had just been in a highly dangerous position and that she had just shot a man twice. He didn’t see any of those signs in her as she let go of Spencer's hand and moved toward JJ and Emily to provide some help with the victim who was now in hysterics. Instead, Aaron saw a steely calm resolve in y/n’s demeanor, indicating that this was hardly the first time she had been put under this kind of pressure. As Hotch moved toward the cuffed unsub he noticed the clean shot to the hand and shoulder, not meant to kill but incapacitate the unsub. Officer Monroe was screaming a stream of obscenities and racial epitaphs at anyone in earshot but mostly directed at the victim and y/n. Aaron and Derek roughly grabbed the man’s arms and moved him to another room. As they walked, Aaron turned to the man and said, “Shut up, or I’ll wait to call the paramedics until it’s too late to save your hand. 

A few hours later after the unsub had been transferred to the hospital in custody he overheard some of the officers speaking negatively of the team, and particularly of y/n who had been the one to originally spot the ‘bad apple’ among their ranks. Aaron was overly familiar with the police and justice system and he knew that the police unions and members were a big boys club where they would do almost anything to protect their paychecks, reputation, and each other. Bitterly he thought, 'Well if you’re so concerned, maybe stop perpetrating injustice.’ As Aaron entered the room with the officers he realized that y/n was in the same room speaking with JJ. The officers had been speaking just loudly enough for y/n to overhear their comments. Something in Aaron twitched uncomfortably. Maybe it was the fact that y/n wasn’t even a real member of the team and was being villainized, or the fact that there was nothing he could do to stop the officers from their conversation. When he passed by the men he frowned at them, and for a moment they grew silent as he passed. As he approached the two women, they made space for him to stand, and he turned his gaze to y/n saying, “Good shooting today. Especially given the fact that you only had that mirror to guess your angles and distance. A lot of innocent people would be dead if it hadn’t been for you.” As much as Agent Hotchner’s complement burned her insides in a pleasant way, she replied in a controlled manner, saying, “I was just doing my job, Sir.” Aaron nodded slightly and he intentionally caught her gaze and when he was sure he had it, he looked over to the men who had been making vitriolic statements toward her. y/n followed his eyes and when he was looking at her again she just gave a small shrug of the shoulders, as if saying, ‘Yeah, I heard, but what can you do?” This response tugged a small smile from him, and he cleared his throat and turned to JJ to ask her a question about the media response. Although y/n and even Aaron might not realize it, y/n had passed most of his internal tests for the Agents he allowed on his team. 

When y/n received an email from Hotch asking her to meet him at his office two days from now, she worried that something had happened. That she had made some kind of error. y/n arrived at the Bureau at the designated time and knocked on the door that was slightly ajar. Hotch called her in and said, “Take a seat, Agent y/n.” y/n did as asked and felt an uncomfortable churning in her stomach. After a moment of silence, y/n couldn’t take the anticipation anymore, making the first rash move she had while being around the BAU team and Agent Hotchner in general. She asked, “Have I done something wrong Agent Hotchner?” Again there was a lingering silence that felt like it lasted ages before Aaron replied, “If I sent you a transfer request to the BAU to join my team, would you accept?” The words took a moment to register, and y/n’s eyes went wide. It took all her strength from not letting her jaw drop at the very suggestion. Needing another moment to let the words process, she gave the throw-away comment, “Sir?” Aaron knew she had heard him and if there was one thing about him, it was that he didn’t repeat himself if he knew the other party had heard him. Even for someone as new as y/n. There was yet another silence and finally, y/n had the brain function to say, “Well if that transfer request were to happen, then I would have to have the sad and uncomfortable conversation with my own unit chief and let them know that I would be accepting a new position in the Bureau.” Hotch caught onto y/n’s hypothetical language but could see in her eyes that she would accept his offer. He cleared his throat and pulled an unnecessary piece of paper in front of him for some reason, moving his eyes to the random form in front of him. He looked back up and there was that kind of shocked look that people got around him sometimes. It was odd for him to see this one y/n’s face, but he couldn’t blame her. Offers like his came once in a lifetime. Less than that really. He gave her one last look before stating, “You’ll receive an email from me on Monday.” 

The transition from the terrorism unit to the BAU was good for the team as a whole. Having a new set of eyes on the cases and a new dynamic shook up the team in a way that reinvigorated their brains. y/n wasn’t perfect. She made mistakes and she owned up to them. Hotch reprimanded her like he would any old or new member of the team. With time she became an integral part of the unit. And in that time Hotch couldn’t help but be drawn to her. It wasn’t like a magnet or love at first sight; he was far too cynical to believe in things like that, but Hotch had paid attention to her in a way that he hadn’t with the other team members. Maybe it was because he hadn’t needed to train and mentor a new member of the team since Emily had joined and he had told himself, ‘There isn’t a valid reason for you to not pay closer attention to y/n.’ As it would turn out, this would be a recurrent theme with him and his thoughts toward y/n. 

The first time Aaron knew he was in trouble in regard to y/n was after she had been with the team for a few months. She had started to do this ritual where after each case when each member of the team had gotten home, she would text them all individually simply asking, “Are you doing okay?” Or some variation of that simple, yet loaded question. The first time Aaron had received that message he was confused for a second, but simply responded, “I’m fine.” To which y/n had simply replied, “Good.” The second time it had happened Aaron realized that she was being very intentional with this message, both in its simplicity and when she was sending it. Often after a case, even up until the team had arrived back at the emotions and adrenaline ran high, either because of the excitement or sheer rush of feelings that could overwhelm someone when dealing with such difficult circumstances. But getting a message like that after a few hours, after getting to a safe space and the real underlying emotions had a chance to set in allowed the team members to give an honest response - not one based off of heightened states. Similarly, the simply worded message allowed for a range of responses from a two-word sentence to full-fledged conversations if wanted or needed. After two more cases, Aaron indulged in the possibility of opening up. 

Hailey had recently left him and y/n was the only one who seemed, even if not directly relating to his recent separation, to provide a space for him to open up. He replied, “I’m home safe. I have some conflicting feelings about the outcome of this case. I don’t feel the closure that I sometimes do when we finish with a case.” Aaron sent the message and wondered if this sounded desperate? If his own personal experience was on clear display, and if it was, how _y/n_ was going to respond. He didn’t have to wait long as his phone pinged and he read y/n’s reply “It’s good to know your home. Would you like to talk about the case? It was a rough one, even by the team's standards.” Aaron slumped down onto his couch letting out a long breath. If y/n had read deeper into his personal life, she hadn’t highlighted it and was still providing space for him to continue talking either about what this was really about, or the case itself. Aaron realized that he needed to take a deeper look at himself if a case and Hailey leaving was having such a profound impact on him. He realized that y/n’s checking in was very likely a way that she coped with the horrors she saw on the job, and he didn’t want to burden her with his personal problems along with the darkness that their work included. He typed out, “No. Not really,” and sent that message out to the ether. Aaron closed his eyes as he waited for a response. It came in a few minutes, and he looked at his phone. The message from y/n read, “Okay. Take care of yourself, please.” Hotch’s heart gave a tiny tug that she would say something so candid and caring toward him. He typed out, “Thank you, y/n,” and his thumb ghosted over the send button before he changed his mind and deleted the message and typed out instead, “See you on Monday, y/n.” Aaron realized that if he sent the other message the hint of feelings that he was just becoming aware of might bubble up bigger than the tiny drip they were at now might emerge. Hotch stood and undid his tie and the buttons on his shirt. A last ping of his phone made him look at it one last time with tired, blurry eyes. The response read, “See you Monday, Hotch.” Aaron clicked his phone off as he pulled off his shirt to go and take a hot shower. Again there was that nagging tug at his heart because in her letting him go for the night, she was also trying to give him what he wanted, space. 

But texting wasn’t the reason that he was now straightening the pillows on his couch and, God knows why, moving into his bedroom and smoothing the sheet and comforter on his bed. He didn’t expect them to end up there at the end of the night, in fact, he expected that y/n would go back to her place and he would stay here, missing her. Anyway, he did it just in case. As he reflected back to the moment that had really made him start having serious feelings for y/n was when she called him and used his first name for the first time. It had been a bad case. A case involving kids being killed and manipulated by the unsub. After not taking the deal with Foyett, Aaron’s brain constantly swirled with thoughts of his son, and any case involving kids made him tense up and made him question his choices. Anytime he had interacted with the children who had been affected and traumatized by the unsub he saw Jack’s face there. He was overwhelmed with emotions, anger, fear, and sadness. It was all too much for him. When the team arrived home after the case and he had made his way to his apartment he fell into bed exhausted. He had forgotten that y/n would text and he was even more surprised when he was woken by his phone ringing. He clicked answer and pulled it to his ear. With a gentle voice, y/n had said, “Hotch, Aaron. Are you going to be okay?” Hotch’s sleep-addled brain took a moment to register his first name on y/n’s lips, but the feeling it provoked was still surprising. Not that he was unaware of his growing feelings for her, just that he had been suppressing them; holding them tight to his chest in his innermost being. He realized after a moment that he hadn’t responded to y/n’s question and finally, he said groggily, “Sorry, I was just taking a nap.” There was a pause and then y/n replied, “No, I’m sorry. I can let you go.” Without even thinking Hotch with a note of desperation said, “No, please. I, I’d like to talk. 

Hotch couldn’t see it, but on the other end of the line, y/n moved to her couch and sat down, doing her best to be present with Aaron through the phone. She could tell that this was different. He was being real with her. This wasn’t, Agent Hotchner, leader of the most important team in the FBI, this was just Aaron. She took a moment to think of what to say. She knew what this was all about and decided to share honest thoughts and said, “Hotch, you’re a good father.” 

Hotch blinked surprisingly at y/n’s choice of words, and the honesty in them. Incredulously he replied, “On who’s authority?” There was a sigh on the other end of the line and he wanted to hear what _y/n_ was going to say. Her response was, “I mean, I’m not a parent. Maybe it’s not my place to comment on parenting, but I see how you interact with Jack. When you’re with him you give him everything that’s in you. You don’t even notice that you’re doing it Hotch. And yeah, nobody’s perfect, not even you, but when you’re with him -- it’s all I can see. You’re doing the best with what you have, financially and emotionally and that’s all anyone can ask for. People like to say that you can give a hundred and ten, a hundred and twenty percent to people and relationships, but I just don’t think that’s possible with people. And in our line of work, it’s hard to give seventy percent to anything other than the job. But, Jack, Jack always gets a hundred percent from you.” y/n realized that she was being highly personal with her words, to her boss. She stopped what might have been a rambling mess of words and bit the inside of her lip. Maybe she would get a real reprimand from Hotch for this. He had corrected her before in his stern authoritative manner, but he had never really been mad at her. She also tried hard not to think about the fact that she wanted to give him a hundred percent too. She knew she couldn’t have that. She could never have that. 

In the lingering silence between y/n’s comments, Aaron closed his eyes and tried to see it from her point of view. Was she really looking at him that closely so that she could catch all of these things? He knew she was speaking honestly, she really spoke from a place of untruth, and she did that only when she had to on cases. He wondered if people ever threw her honesty in her face. As someone so closed off, it was hard for him to believe her in a way. With a hint of hesitation, he asked, “Do you really think so?” A second later, y/n said, “Of course. Of course I do, Aaron.” He relaxed further in the bed as she used his first name again. It sounded so lovely coming from her. They spent another half hour talking, more about the case than his parenting, and when Aaron hung up, he felt decidedly lighter than he had when he had originally come here. 

The next Monday, when Aaron found a quiet moment in the office where the rest of the team wasn’t paying attention, he moved to y/n’s desk and she looked up at him with a smile. Aaron clenched his hand before releasing the final tension he felt in what he was about to do. He raised his hand and placed it on her shoulder. That familiar warmth they both felt when they came into close contact seeped through both of them. All Aaron said was, “Thank you, y/n.” With that, he removed his hands and walked up to his office. He knew that his actions weren't profoundly romantic or anything. He hadn’t swooped down and kissed y/n and pulled her body close to his, but in his actions, he had opened the floodgates for what might come. 

It happened slowly, like most things in his life. Both because y/n and Aaron needed to be cautious for work's sake, but also because neither of them could really believe it was actually happening after so long. The first almost date had been when she got two tickets to see her favorite author do a reading with her best friend. Unfortunately _y/b/f_ had to cancel two days before. y/n was really bummed about it and Aaron could tell. He had approached her and said, “Would you like me to come with you? I don’t really know anything about _y/f/a_, but I can tell that it’s important to you.” Her eyes glistened at the idea and she said, “You’d do that?” Aaron let out a laugh and said, “Of course if you want me to.” y/n had beamed at him and for a moment he felt stunned at how beautiful she looked when she was this happy. He wished he could see her like this more. The reading was great, y/n had cried and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, letting her feel her emotions. They had gotten coffee after and as he walked y/n back to her apartment, she stopped at her door and turned. y/n went out on a limb and stepped closer to him. She was close enough to feel the heat emanate from his body. With a last moment of deliberation, she closed the gap and wrapped her arms around him, tucking her head into his chest. Aaron tensed for a moment before he let his body naturally respond. He gently wrapped his arms around his form and held her close to him. 

Oh God, it felt so good to have her that near to him, to be able to actually hold her. Surprisingly it had been Derek who had encouraged him to make the leap of making y/n a more permanent fixture in his life. The team had all been at Rossi’s for dinner and y/n and Emily were at the wine bar pouring themselves another glass of red. Aaron was unknowingly looking at y/n longingly and Derek sat down next to him with a shot in his hand. The younger man said, “Are you ever going to tell her how you feel?” Aaron was pulled from his thoughts and looked over to Derek saying, “Sorry, what was that?” Derek chuckled and said, “Hotch, you deserve to be happy after everything you’ve been through.” At this Aaron made a face, but Morgan kept talking saying, “If you’re afraid that she’s not going to reciprocate your feelings, I see the way she looks at you. She likes you too.” Aaron let out a sigh and Derek put a hand on his shoulder saying, “Just think about it. A lot of people would be happy to have y/n, but she’d be happy to have you.” That evening as y/n dropped him off they had kissed for the first time outside in the parking lot. 

The light knock on his door pulled him from his memories, and he stood and neatened his trousers and shirt as he opened the door for y/n. He opened the door and let y/n in. She smiled at him handed him a wrapped bouquet of hyacinth and baby breath and said, “For you, Aaron.” He smiled and leaned down giving her a kiss. He had brought her _y/f/f_ when she had first invited him to her apartment and she was returning the gesture. As he found a vase to put the flowers in, he offered her a chilled glass of water, and y/n moved around the space observing his neutral-toned apartment. After he set the flowers on the table, he came up beside her and slipped his hand around her waist. He was looking at his wall full of pictures. They were mostly of Jack, but there were a few of him and Hailey and a few he had taken on an old camera that was still around the apartment somewhere. She turned to look at him and said, “Jack’s grown up so much since some of these were taken.” Aaron hummed in her ear and said, “It’s crazy to think about. He’s going to school and making friends. When I talk to him on the phone I can hear him becoming his own person.” y/n turned back to the photos and found one where Hailey was particularly radiant, and she commented, “She looks so…” There was a pause as beautiful seemed to fall flat as a superlative. y/n finished the sentence with, “luminant here.” Hotch’s eyes moved from her to the picture and back to her. He deeply appreciated that y/n included Jack and even Hailey in her consideration of him and his life and happiness. Her comment made him look over y/n in her _f/c_ turtle neck and back corduroy skirt and said, “You look lovely tonight, y/n.” The flush on her face always made him feel a certain way, and as she turned to look over the space again she said, “I like it, Aaron. It’s calming and I think almost anyone could feel safe here.” Hotch hadn’t particularly decorated the space with that in mind, but again he didn’t have the eye for fashion or design that y/n had. He simply said, “I’m glad you like it, and that you feel safe here.” He took a breath and then asked, “You ready to head out, or do you want to sit for a bit?” y/n took his hand and replied, “Let’s head out, our reservations are in a half hour, and just because it’s Friday night and there might be traffic.” Hotch nodded and he moved to the counter and grabbed his coat and car keys. They headed out to the wine tasting at a jazz club that they both liked. 

The date went well and as they arrived back at Aaron’s place he got out of the car and opened the door for y/n. They were both slightly buzzed, but not inebriated or without their wits. As y/n got out of the car he asked, “Would you like to come back inside for a bit or do you want to get back to your place?” y/n smiled and said, “I’d like to be with you for a while longer?” They left the crisp autumn air behind as they reentered Aaron’s apartment. He grabbed them both a glass of water and they sat on his couch y/n turned her head to him and he leaned down kissing him. His lips were so soft and warm on her mouth. The taste of him was a craving, a desire she couldn’t easily let go unless they were like this. Aaron could feel her love and longing in the way she moved her mouth over his. He wanted more, needed more of that feeling that he had been missing for the last few months. He slipped his tongue out of his mouth and over her bottom lip. y/n sighed, surprised by this new action from him, but opened up to his request. Aaron moved into the space, moving his tongue over hers and the contours of her mouth. As he explored this new space, y/n let out a small moan into his mouth. She moved her right hand to his thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze letting him know that she was enjoying this moment. Her hand on his leg, so close to his groin made his cock twitch and he felt embarrassed for a second because something as small as her hand on him had elicited a response. y/n felt Aaron’s body tense under her hand and could imagine what had happened with this body. When they broke apart for air, y/n shifted from his side and moved so her legs were straddling his on the couch. She didn’t put any weight on him, wanting to make sure he was comfortable with this. Hotch’s eyes widened at the change of position and he sucked in a deep breath, his body already flushing. y/n placed her hands on the couch just above his shoulders. Her eyes glistened in the soft light of his lamps and she asked, “Is it too fast for you Aaron?” Hotch made a small sound, it was so quiet that it was almost unnoticeable in the space. He nodded his head no and replied, voice low, “No. It’s not. As long as you're comfortable with what we’re doing. We can take it at your pace. I want you, y/n.” At hearing his words and seeing the hunger in his eyes, she lowered her body until it was pressing close to him. 

Her skirt was short and fitted and as her knees spread to sit on him it shifted up to her waist. Aaron was a bit too preoccupied to notice this yet as kissing him again; first on the mouth and then his earlobe sucking and lightly nipping the soft flesh. He let out a groan that was louder than he was expecting. His body was really reacting to her touch. What had been a twitch in his pants was now throbbing against the waistband of his pants. y/n felt his erection growing under her. While she moved to his jawline and began half-open-mouth kisses and licking the area, she shifted her weight again and moved her hand to the buckle of his dark brown belt. She fumbled with the metal as she continued her work on his face. She similarly undid the button and pulled down the zipper of his pants. Once his member was freer, y/n pressed against him providing him with some much-needed friction. Again made that low noise that made her core tingle and burn at the same time. At this, Aaron couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to be touching her. Aaron shifted strongly but carefully picked y/n under the thighs and he moved so that they switched spots. Now that he was the one above her, he moved to pull at the edge of her shirt. y/n raised her arms for him and the fabric came easily over her head. He leaned down and kissed her hungrily. His hands found traction on her waist and the warm feeling of them resting there made y/n make a small sound into his mouth. Aaron moved his mouth away from hers and placed a hand over her _f/c_ lacy bra. Her breasts and nipples were visible to him through the semi-sheer fabric and lace and he marveled down at her form laid bare to him. He gently massaged the right breast in his hand and he felt her nipple harden under his touch. For the first time that night y/n whispered his name in a way that made Aaron feel more alive than he had in a long time. With his other hand, he took y/n’s left hand and slowly started kissing up the side of her arm. He looked over the litany of healed scars crisscrossing the warm skin under his mouth. 

He had noticed them the first day he had met her. Although they weren’t pronounced as they were old and healed, he still saw them. How couldn’t he see them running up her arm and under her three-quarter sleeves? He was a profiler after all. He never said anything about them. He’d never heard the team talk about them either. It would be rude to of course, and really it had been none of his business at the time. But not that he could see them so clearly running up her arm he had to wonder. He sucked on the hollow spot of her elbow joint, and y/n bucked slightly, moving her hand down to this clothed groin. He let out a gasp as her hand began moving over his hard penis. Her hand traced the line of his arousal and he had to hold back from bucking under her touch. He kept moving as her hand worked over him. As he moved up her arm to her shoulder and collarbone, he moved his other hand to her left breast, massaging the tissue with his deft hand. With his other hand, he pushed down the strap of her bra and again started kissing her chest. Once more he kissed over her chest and noticed that the scars weren’t only endemic to her left arm. They were scattered haphazardly over her shoulder and collarbone. These marks had healed darker than the ones on her arm. He realized that if he paid close attention to his mouth, which he was, he could feel the difference between the smooth skin and that which had been opened many years ago. They were both making soft, needy noises and their movements grew more urgent. Aaron was now moving himself along her hand and y/n tipped her head back and said, “Aaron, please. I need more. I need you.” Hotch nodded and again, he stopped his frantic body and hooked his arms under her legs, now picking her up and moving into the bedroom. She clung to him, arms wrapped around his neck. He set her gently on the bed and almost immediately pulled at her skirt. She rested the heels of her feet on the mattress and lifted her hips, so he could get rid of the fabric now bunched around her waist. Once the skirt was discarded, Aaron pushed her back onto the mattress. He also pulled off his shirt and discarded his pants in two fluid motions. y/n looked at the bulge in his briefs and smiled to herself. She knew he must be impressive, but being so close to seeing it in full confirmed her assumptions. Hotch leaned down and began sucking at the soft, flushed skin of her thigh. 

The fact that Hotch’s mouth was breathing hot and loud against her leg and that he was moving steadily toward her center, made her arch her back in pleasure and the feelings of warmth continued to move through her. As Aaron’s mouth got closer to her black underwear, he was faced with the presence of scars once more. There were less of them here on her thigh, close to her center, but these seemed deeper, more deliberate. He wanted to kiss these, to continue the path of pleasure he was on, but it felt wrong. For him to be doing this without acknowledging something, to check in with her before he continued. y/n could feel his hesitation. She saw how he had paused each time he noticed a new area affected by her prior self. Her voice cut through his fog as she said, “I’m not embarrassed by them anymore you know. I used to be, but not now.” Hotch lifted his body and chest upright looking deeply into her eyes. He knew this was important to her, but also to him. For him to understand if she wanted to talk about it. He shifted and placed a hand on her thigh, just below her panty line, indicating that he wasn’t finished yet, just taking a break. All he could think of saying was, “I’m sorry.” y/n scoffed at this, not at him but, more at the idea. She placed a hand on his cheek and said, “You know no one ever talks to me about them. Not even when they were red and bleeding did anyone say anything. I thought certainly my parents, or teachers, or friends would say something, but they didn’t because they didn’t know how.” y/n looked away and removed her hand from his face saying, “Sorry. I’m kind of being a buzzkill, aren’t I?” Aaron’s eyes deepened, and he took both her hands in his and said, “No, no it’s not to me. Please, you can talk to me if you want.” 

She looked back to his face and it was clear to her that his desire for her wasn’t ebbing with this conversation. He was still Aaron, the Aaron she had spent months with, but this was different and she knew it. y/n let out a breath and said, “I got so good at hiding them that when I stood naked in front of a mirror I would flinch at my own reflection.” Hotch nodded slightly and asked, “Did they hurt you a great deal?” y/n took her bottom lip in her mouth for a moment before replying, “Not really. At least not until the next day. I was just looking for a release you know? Something to distract me from what was happening.” Aaron’s hand on her thigh gently started tracing over the scarred tissue with his thumb and he said, “Well I’m still sorry that you felt you needed to do that. Even if it was to protect you emotionally.” y/n gave him a small smile. She looked up at him with her large eyes, sincere in their clarity as she said, “You don’t have to apologize, Aaron. I’ve forgiven the younger version of me that made the choice to hurt herself. She was scared and angry and didn’t understand what was happening to her.” Aaron could ask about what exactly had been going on in her younger years. But he didn’t. He wanted her to be in control of this conversation, and a moment later, she said, “Plus, there are better ways to find release than when I was in high school.” 

Aaron flushed and felt his erection which had gone semi-soft twtich again. He reached out for her and said, “Are you sure? We can stop for tonight if you like.” y/n shook her head no and replied, “No, I want to keep going. I want to go all the way with you, Aaron.” Aaron nodded and pulled her close again, embracing her mouth with his. His right hand slipped behind y/n’s back and he deftly undid the clasp of her bra. He pulled far enough away to pull the intimate article off, and he said, “Just let me know if you need me to stop, alright. At any point, we can take a break.” y/n hummed her agreement and threaded her hands through his short hair. Aaron moved his face lower and he breathed warmly over her right breast. The warm sensation over her sensitive skin caused her nipples to grow taught again. Aaron leaned in and took the tissue in his mouth. He swirled the nipple with his tongue and y/n let out a sound so desperate and beautiful that he grew rock hard again in an instant. He kneaded the other breast with his hand and his left hand slipped under the waistband of her panties. She was desperately wet as he moved his pointer and middle fingers over her folds and heat. After a moment of this, Aaron pulled his face from her chest, wanting to get more of those sounds from her mouth. He got her out of the last piece of her clothing and he looked over her bare sex for a moment before diving in with his mouth. The taste of her on his lips was intoxicating, more intoxicating than the wine they had imbibed earlier that night. He moved over her wetness with an urgency. Again, y/n spoke his name with a need he didn’t know he needed to hear. She arched her back against his strong and accurate tongue. Hotch pressed her stomach back flush with the mattress and he reveled as her body twitched beneath his hand. As his tongue began entering her most intimate area, she moaned. She could feel herself coming close and wasn’t ready for the feeling to stop. She called his name and he stopped immediately, checking in with her. He looked up at her and his face and nose were wet with her excitement. “What is it, y/n. Do you want to stop?” He said it rather breathlessly as he had been very intent in his work. y/n replied, “Far from it, but I want to taste you too. I want you in my mouth.” 

Aaron stilled for a moment and said, “You're sure?” y/n smiled mischievously and said, “More than anything.” He felt a growl in his throat and he finally took off his briefs, freeing his cock. y/n looked him over for the first time, apparently impressed with him. He was slightly happy about this reaction, but the feeling of being pushed back and y/n taking his tip into her mouth instantly stilled that inner voice. ‘Oh fuck,’ he thought as she swirled her tongue over him in one direction for a bit, and then the other, and finally across the top. This sensation alone was enough to bring some pre-come to the tip. Aaron watched as she sucked it off quickly and then moved back onto him with her mouth. The very sight of her working over him nearly sent Aaron over the edge. His size was impressive and y/n wondered if she would be able to take all of him in her mouth. She worked fervently over him, taking more and more of his length each time she moved her head up and down him. She ran her hands over his balls as she did this, and she could feel him throbbing in her throat. Meanwhile, Aaron’s body was twitching with bliss and anticipation, and he said her name like a prayer as she finally got to the base. She continued to work on him as she sucked and licked his cock. She ran her tongue all the way up the vein running on the underside of him and again, this nearly ended him. This time it was his turn to ask her to stop, which she did. He knew that if he came now in her mouth he might not be able to do it again as intensely as the first time. Could he come again? With her, absolutely, but this was their first time and he wanted to give her his best. Breathlessly he said, “I need to be in you if you’re open to it. Please.” He realized that he was begging, but he couldn’t stop the urgency in his voice. 

y/n agreed, at this point their bodies were aching for release and she wanted him in her as badly as he wanted to be in her. She asked, “Can I be on top please?” With some vulnerability, she added, “It’s been a while since I’ve been intimate with anyone.” Hotch nodded, knowing the position would give her more control in regard to the depth and pacing. He said, “Of course. Whatever you want love.” He sat up a bit, leaning back on his palms. As _y/n_ got ready to straddle him again, he asked, “Are you on the pill, or should I get a condom?” He hadn’t made assumptions about her sexual life until recently, and asking something like this felt inappropriate unless in this very situation. y/n smiled and said, “I’m on the pill. We’re good." With this, she got back on her knees with Aaron underneath her. She used her hand to gently guide him into her entrance. She worked slowly at first. Even with just his tip inside her, Aaron had to stop himself from lifting his hips to get further inside of her. However, he kept still and let, y/n slowly take more and more of him inside her. He encouraged her saying, “That’s it y/n, your doing well. You feel so good around me.” She smiled at him and after a few moments, she was mostly seated over him. She was incredibly tight, and he was impressed that she had taken his member in as deeply as she had. There was only a tiny bit of his cock exposed. He felt her walls throb and tighten against him and he had to bite his mouth shut to stifle what he assumed was a scream of pleasure. She leaned down and took his mouth in hers, It was her turn to explore his mouth and he allowed her in easily. She was greedy with her tongue, and her breath was hot in his throat. After she pulled away for breath she assessed her comfort. Any pain that had been there when she was enveloping him had passed and she said needily, “You can move in me, Aaron. Please.” 

Aaron moaned again as he followed her command. He shifted his hips up and the feeling of his cock sliding inside her was pure bliss. It was all he had imagined and more. He started slowly, but both of them had waited and built up for the other and it was time to get their reward for their patience. Aaron built up his speed and the stream of half-contained noise that y/n made only had him quickening his pace more. As his thrusts became more urgent he felt a slight sheen of sweat covering them both. He was close, so close and he raced toward the finish. In a final desire to have him closer and deeper in her, y/n placed her full weight on his hips and leaned back, supporting herself on shaking, shuddering arms. The final shift in position allowed him that last bit of room to fully enter her and she moaned out, “Faster Aaron. Please, I’m going to come.” At her words, Aaron placed his hands on her hips, guiding their shared movement. He thrusted even faster and only a few seconds later, y/n came undone. Her body shaked and clenched around him and that was all he needed to find his release. His seed shot out of him hot and fast and he kept thrusting a few times more chasing the high, heady organism she was giving him. They both made ungodly noises as they let go and y/n quite literally collapsed on top of him. He held onto her closely as their shaky breaths intermixed. As Aaron regained his breath, the words came unbidden and he said, “I love you y/n. Oh god, I’ve loved you for so long. I’m sorry it took me this long to say something.” y/n was still shaking with her orgasm, but she managed to strangle out, “I love you too, Aaron. A hundred percent.” Aaron registered her words from a few months ago and he realized that she had been longing for him for that long and that he was a fool for not noticing before. 

Aaron was tired, but y/n was completely spent and he was still in her softening from his heightened state. With gentle strength, he grabbed her hips and lifted her off of his body. She made a small protestation at the loss of contact. However, he didn’t have any plans of letting her go soon. He pulled her to his chest and she settled contentedly next to him, her damp skin sticking to his. He was beginning to connect her comments about her scars to his own father's abuse. However, he didn’t have the head space for that rabbit hole right now. But he did say softly, “Do you think it’s fate that we met, y/n?” She chuckled into his chest and replied, “That’s too cliched coming from you Aaron.” He hummed and said, “Maybe, but am I wrong?” The question hung in the air for a minute before y/n said, “Maybe not. All I know is that life can be terrible. God knows we see the worst of it, but at least you're in mine.” At this, y/n settled closer to him; listening to his heartbeat consistently thumping in his chest. Aaron held her a bit closer. He would get up eventually to get her some towels to clean her up, but for now, having her in his arms was all he ever wanted. 

Text Break Banners by @cafekitsune

[venuscnjunctpluto]

Megan thee stallion and astrology ⭐️

Credit: @insertlanasong

(Im in no way blaming dv on where the stars were in the sky. the gremlin and all these other male bullies are accountable for their OWN actions)

*Lilith in 1st: I’m not gonna stfu about this placement. When I say men are intimidated by us and we don’t even have to speak. Megan constantly gets told she’s acting like a man and trying to play a man’s game for being openly sexual. These same people lust after her all day long. It should be noted how many men online and in the industry seemed to gang up on her for someone nobody gaf about all like that and who had a history of violence. With Lilith in 1st people are waiting for your downfall and you have to be mindful of who is around and why they’re there. 

*her aqua sun she’s definitely been very giving and she’s been promoting charities for cancer, I think she’s trying to open some hospitals, organized a clean the beach event, and advocated for victims of abuse esp black women.

* Megan has a Leo mars and people have compared her performance energy to Beyoncé who also has a Leo mars. I do enjoy this placements ability to put on a show

*Shes a good representative of Taurus rising women as she can go into multiple spaces. She’s recently visiting the White House and her classy Venusian energy fit in well.

* megan stated in a live that she can’t stay away from Virgos and her ex friend Kelsey was one also Moneybaggyo. She has Virgo in her 5th which could explain her gravitating towards them because of the fun and excitement that house brings.

*Megans bf Pardison has Venus square Lilith (which represents his relationships w women and she’s Lilith prominent) his mars in her 7th/8th house cusp and hella 10th house synastry. She’s known as the hot girl coach and was introduced to the public as looking for a fun time and not taking men seriously. But of course 10th house synastry makes you wanna go to show that person off esp Venus.

*I love Nickis music so barbs pls don’t come for me (idgaf) but nicki has been arguing w herself. She’s a sag sun and Venus so these placements are likely In Megan’s 8th house. People like to debate what the planet person feels but it’s alot of mutual energy. Megan seemed to be a fan of nicki and they seemed to get along. Then something clearly happened and nicki started throwing shot after shot at Megan since 2021. And to this day *in my tiktok voice* nicki is arguing w herself in the public eye coming after Megan HARD. I’ve had an 8th house stellium with this guy and it’s gone very similar it’s a love-hate until it’s straight up hate after a certain point. It’s been weird to see this considering nicki has never so overtly came after somebody this much esp somebody she co-signed and collabed w. And nicki is a sag Venus (aka a bisexual which Megan is as well) so I wouldnt be suprised if this could be a scorned lover situation.

Torey Lanez’s pluto squared Megan’s sun, moon, and mars. His Lilith conjuncts her sun plus his mars in her 1st house. That man was obsessed w her and he already had a clear anger problem that he admitted to during an interview. My cousin has sun square pluto w her bf and he’s very controlling and insecure when it comes to her.

7th house synastry though very comfortable Can also be be open enemies. For ex: Megan thee stallion after that gremlin shot her you had numerous MEN coming to attack her (Of course with Lilith in 1st) . I would like to name three of them. Drake, Joe Budden, and Dababy all Scorpio placements. Megan is a Taurus rising w unconfirmed degrees but I bet she has 7th house synastry w all of them. Drake has Venus, sun, and mercury in Scorpio. Joe Budden has a Scorpio mars and Dababy has a Scorpio Venus. They all came for her at one the most difficult times of her career just to drag her down even more. Drake and Dababy publically lusted after her and Joe budden was drooling in his seat interviewing her prior to his comments about her. Im a late Aries rising and I’ve had issues w many Scorpio placements because they had some underlying issue w me for no reason. Scorpio In the 7th is very difficult because if our enemies don’t know if they wanna harm us or literally f*ck us it’s insane. She even said something similar in a freestyle.

I hope she keeps glowing cause her vulnerability and strength is inspiring🫶🏾🫶🏾

[tag-that-oc]

Do you have any Ocs you’d like to talk about??

oh boy do i

im gonna introduce my scrungly my poor little meow meow my pathetic loser the love of my life. Arvid Sheldon Moreno <3

ill add trigger tags too of course but just in case: warning for abuse, violence, death, and kidnapping

first of all i am a Terrible artist but here's a commission i got of him from the lovely jester @/ghostcasket (with commissions still open here is the info post. go commission them he's wonderful)

anyways. ARVID. basically he's a second generation oc from the project me and the other mod have. he is like. 3/4 alien?? something like that. but he was born on earth and that's where he grew up.

his parents are lovely and perhaps very strange but they are so good to their kids. Arvid is a mama's boy in particular he is very close to her and very protective of her.

so. what's wrong with him then???? surely he has Every Problem Ever. well he does. when he was a kid he didn't really have any friends. he was outcasted and bullied from various sources but none more so than Alex. fuck Alex we hate that guy.

Alex caused problems for Arvid basically his whole life. he was harassed and followed and beaten and manipulated and. well a lot of things!!

Arvid met and became friends with Izan who was infinitely better for Arvid and nicer and they were just really close. however that didn't stop Alex from being an asshole ya know. and it got even worse when Izan broke off from Arvid due to trying to manage his own trauma of a recent event unrelated to Arvid's stuff

so what did Arvid do? he clung to Alex and they became "friends". during this time Alex really drilled into Arvid's head the idea that he shouldn't cry, that he was weak, that no one else could tolerate him, and Arvid believed it all. things escalated until Alex and one of his other friends attacked and stabbed Arvid during a time when Izan and Arvid were trying to patch things up. and they left him there.

Izan got him help, but Arvid refused to let Alex get into trouble. in fact he had a strong fondness and loyalty to him and so what did he do? he confessed that he was in love with Alex. and Alex, ever amused and delighted by the power and control he had over Arvid, accepted his confession and they started dating.

and they didn't break up for a really really long time!

however this is all the backstory info! (well not all of his backstory but Some of it) this isn't even taking into account the story events! the story events being Arvid and his entire family gets kidnapped and taken to an alien planet because these fucked up brothers were trying to get and erase information on the esp experiments that happened during the first generation (meaning the things Arvid's parents went through) and. well long story short Dawson (does anyone remember when i talked about him?) was forced by his older brothers to kill Arvid and his mom. fucked up!!

but it's okay, isn't it? yeah Arvid comes back to life thanks to a wish made by Dawson on this super powerful wish granting magical rock. and they all live happily ever after on earth!

but not really.

when Arvid gets back he discovers that in addition to being brought back to life, he's now immortal. which is the LAST thing he wants because he didn't even want to be brought back to life if he was being honest. and Alex being the wonderful person he is decides to use this to his advantage (basically isn't it fun to kill your boyfriend over and over while he remains blindly loyal to you? Alex seems to think so)

however Arvid has other relationship drama going on. he has feelings for soo many other people but didn't feel worthy enough to be in a relationship with any of them. why would anyone ever like him back ya know?

except a lot of them did like him back. a lot actually. and Arvid starts dating others and building this lovely little polycule of people who really and genuinely love and care about him. and it takes a long time, but eventually Arvid breaks things off with Alex and tries to be happy. key word being that he tries because sometimes he doesn't do a very good job of it. he's still got it in his head that he deserves to suffer and will go on self destructive spirals now that he doesn't have a boyfriend beating him to shit constantly anymore.

some fun facts about Arvid is that he's a supervillain. i mean not Really a supervillain but he's a loser and tells everyone that he's evil. type of guy to steal from large corporations but not from local places. but this is all evil deeds he swears it. he also has plans to take over the world which he only shares with people he really trusts. he's so lame <3

he's also extremely emotional and will cry really easily but. well due to Alex Reasons he will belittle himself for showing sadness. he is obsessed with people seeing him as strong when his 5'3 ass can't even open a pickle jar

Arvid is also very very soft and sensitive about bugs he loves bugs!!! they were his best friends back when he didn't have any friends and even now he still treats them so gently. it's a really cool contrast to his usual edgy personality.

also!! he has really bad luck all the time <3 constantly tripping over stuff and falling in puddles and breaking his phone and. other bad luck stuff.

anyways i hope you enjoyed my insane ramblings about my scrungy little guy

[electraslight]

I care about ur Bevin headcannon I would love to hear

YES i finally get to yell abt these two, its my fav ship in the series idk why people arent more into it. Fanart is supplied as usual and i have some evidence-ey screenshots under the cut, mostly bc i want to share them w SOMEONE other than my friend blue. Enjoy my ramblings

-kevin is dating both ben and gwen, gwen and his relationship being a lot more outward and public and ben a more private relationship, they only ever kiss or hold hands when its just the two of them or (rarely) when gwen is around, partially bc of bens fame and his own hangups about liking men and partially bc when they are romantic they r extremely vulnerable with each other and thats the sort of thing they wouldnt want anyone else to see.

-(quoting from a discord dm w my friend) ben and kevin violence is something that if u saw it in a painting or a movie it would be rly profound and aweinspiring. in real life its also the same, but it feels so much like intruding when ur actually watchingbc kevin and ben have all their emotions about each other in v short bursts, theyll bottle them up 4 an extended period of time and then have som e massive cataclysmic event when it bubbles to the surface. there r literally no continual emotional moments between them like kevin and gwen who have contunious small emotions abt each other, kevin and ben will hang out 4 months at a time and then one day just start hitting each other, which is in a way a part of the romance

-in omniverse theres a scene where its shown that 12 year old kevin is in possession of a photo of ben that is suspiciously well worn, it has rips and stains and has been crumpled up and refolded a couple times. I like to think he kept that photo, whether to use as a beacon of hate or chew on and cry who knows. 

-ben and kevin dont give a shit about what form the other takes, the only time ben has ever blushed about a guy is when mutant kevin grabbed him in the rooters arc and kevin is around alien versions of ben every day and doesnt bat an eye. This is why i think that once kevin and ben get together kevin makes a game about kissing all of his aliens (indiscriminatley. Even if they dont have mouths) he makes a scoring system and writes reviews on how good the experience was in glitter gel pen and makes a ranking list of his favorites. Stinkfly sweeps the vote, shocking everybody. Ben would rank kissing kevins mutations but only 2 out of 5 would even consider it before turning him into pink mist so he just sticks with what he knows.

- ben and kevin get married when theyre older and gwen stays in girlfriend status (mostly bc she knows that ben has a much shorter lifespan than her and kevin and she wants to give him the happiest time she can while hes still there) and they all live in a mansion the size of the white house. Kai comes by once a month to keep kenny happy (he still thinks shes his bio mom even after theyve told him multiple times she was just a donor. Gwen says he gets his delusions from ben). Ben and kevin like to sit on the 500 foot long porch and throw rocks at passerby and snuggle. Kevin is so happy he giggles mindlessly to himself in public, scaring strangers. He tries to get them to look at pictures of his family but this only further creeps them out.

-kevin finds the most random shit ben does extremely charming. hed look at him picking his boogers and eating them and he thinks in his head i need this guy so much. ben finishes a rubix cube not even very fast and kevins like wow. cool. do you like emos.ben is charmed by kevin in the same way. he sees kevin use the toilet brush to scratch an itch on his back and hes like fuck oh fuck oh fuck

I have more i prommy i just cant think of them rn, i will make more if im able. 4 now please have my collection of bevin screenshots under the cut. Spread the word my disciples. fair warning there are a lot

[bossmamacita]

Luz - Emotional Processing Notes (this is the organized version see below for my brainrot version)

Luz exhibits traits of alexithymia, specifically struggling to label her emotions despite feeling them intensely. Her physical reactions often clue her in to what she might be feeling, though she's prone to misinterpretation. She’s never been to therapy, so her self-awareness is limited, but through her experiences and interactions, she begins to piece things together.

Examples: In a high-stake situation in SR1 she mistakes fear for anger (elevated heart rate, body sweat, etc.) and has an explosive reaction that complicates a situation.

Notes: Luz’s lack of therapy/proper emotional understanding does eventually lead to growth. I envision this through multiple characters from the series who have undergone therapy to some degree recognizing Luz's struggles and offering insight, even if it’s initially rejected. It plants the seed in her head. (This might end up being her sister, Elena who she communicates with occasionally at the hospital.)

Anger is the easiest emotion for Luz to recognize because it produces clear physical symptoms: a racing heart, tension, and a surge of energy. She channels this into violence, finding a return to homeostasis after releasing her pent-up energy. Murdering, descruction, fighting, the whole lot here. This coping mechanism is both a strength and a weakness, as it sometimes leads to impulsive actions but also explains why she hasn’t flat out died yet.

—

Transitioning/Dysphoria

Luz's transition in her early twenties is delayed due to her inability to identify her dysphoria. Throughout SR1, her anger and volatility are heightened by this unrecognized core discomfort. As she ages, listens to her companions, makes friends, and deals with challenges as Playa, she starts to understand herself better.

Examples: My brain is struggling here but just imagine some inner monologues that show her lifelong but unrecognized dysphoria. Moments where she feels out of place, angry without understanding why, these all gradually lead to her realization pretty quickly into SR1 storyline but she stays closeted as Cez for awhile. She waits to gain reputation and respect.

Notes: Unrelated but really curious as to how yall canon Saints companions reacting to a trans Playa character. I feel like there’s room for stuff here but I haven’t really thought about it… like for someone like Luz who is besties with Aisha and Johnny would they have an opinion? Approve/dissaprove initially? How does it affect their friendship if there is some phobic vibes or does it not affect it at all due to the respect Playa has as a person idk

—

Relationship w/ Johnny and Aisha

Luz is a keen observer, especially in SR1, using others as a reference to understand her emotions. She connects with Johnny because of his directness and unapologetic nature, which aligns with her literal thinking. She admires Aisha’s femininity, success, and passion for music. Their romantic relationship confuses Luz, but third-wheeling with them helps her gather insights.

Notes: The insights are not always great. I think Luz would try to emulate aspects of Johnny and Aisha’s relationship in her own flings, but it fails, which adds to her confusion and irritation. An example like taking someone out to Freckle Bitches on a first date. Johnny did it and Aisha stayed, why can’t I? The reason why she emulates them I think is because she does recognize they have a deep bond whether they realize it or not. She can identify the emotion in them but she would not be able to do it in herself if that makes sense? She does want a real relationship like theirs at first but she fails too many times with her shitty method in SR1 so she becomes a player. Playa. Get it. (Aisha and Johnny 100% bully her for this as a bestie trio thing)

Flings and Manipulation and… Gaslighting?

In SR1, Luz engages in random flings and flirts with strangers, often as a means of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. These unreliable relationships reflect her dysfunctional understanding of normal relationships. She feels nothing genuine for her romantic pursuits, kinda just using them as a way to waste time and gain influence/information, focusing on power and ambition as main traits in this game. She is not extroverted at all so she kinda has that silent guy rizz and a pretty face that worked somehow on men and women.

Shift in SR2

By SR2, Luz has grown more emotionally aware and confident in her identity. Transitioning has expanded her emotional range, thanks to gender-affirming care and hormones. She remains direct and brash but is less obsessed with power, knowing her worth. (Getting blown up does that to ya) Her leadership style is defined by her no-nonsense attitude and refusal to take any disrespect.

Luz’s relationships with her companions evolve. She gets along well with Johnny and Aisha (post coma reunion) and they both play a significant role in her life. She idealizes Johnny/Aisha a bit as power couple despite their issues because she can identify that core emotion in them. Ask her to identify that emotion in herself though and she cannot.

—

Relationship w/ Luz and Carlos

Carlos's willingness to do anything for Luz puzzles her. She explores this by befriending him, experiencing a mix of flirty vibes and a sense of normalcy that she can’t quite interpret. Her interactions with Carlos are marked by fluctuating feelings she can’t label. The gang notices this dynamic, but Luz denies it. After Carlos's death, Luz is overwhelmed with regret, realizing too late how much she cared for him. This is a pivotal moment for her emotional clarity.

Examples: "Luz, you ever wonder why we do this?" Carlos spoke softly, acknowledging their closeness. Luz felt her chest well with tightness, misinterpreting the feeling that rose in her body. “It’s about power, Carlos. Nothing else.” Carlos blinked at her slowly, “For you, maybe. For me, it’s different.” Luz distanced herself from Carlos, attempting to brush off his words. “Stop overthinking it.”

Post Death:

Luz held the gold chain Carlos wore, pressing her thumb against the cross pendant. “Why does this hurt so much?” She whispered to herself, the tightness in her chest returning, sharper. She could not ignore or misplace the deep wound she felt. It wasn’t about power. It wasn’t about anger. It was loss. Regret.

—

Impact of Aisha’s Death

Aisha’s death hits Luz hard, triggering intense feelings of sadness, guilt, and envy. These emotions, compounded by Johnny's grief, strain their friendship. They become coworkers rather than close friends, driven by a shared goal of vengeance. Luz compartmentalizes her emotions, focusing on tracking down those responsible, leading to resentment and conflict with Johnny.

Luz and Johnny’s relationship deteriorates after their losses. They clash, with harsh words and physical fights reflecting their internal turmoil. (Peep that art i made) (I also kinda see the fight as a foil to their previous friendship and the end of SR1 them and start of sr2 them) Their arguments include comparisons of their losses, revealing their vulnerabilities at the core. Eventually, they realize they must support each other rather than fight, leading to a tentative truce. Their relationship rebuilds slowly, marked by raw honesty and mutual growth between the duo.

Luz’s feelings for Johnny develop over time. She recognizes her emotions sooner than she did with Carlos but remains hesitant. A slow burn towards a romantic relationship vibes. Imagine scenes where there is chemistry but unspoken. Classic unintentional physical closeness- I don’t know Luz is questioning her feelings. Debating on giving them a romantic encounter before the fight to serve as a catalyst but unsure. Unresolved feelings about Aisha and Carlos with that poor choice of sexual distraction could be interesting way to confront guilt/grief.

Examples: im too dead for this

"You don’t get it, Luz. Aisha’s death is on all of us."

"How can you say that? I didn’t kill her!"

I don’t know words here

*anger and confusion, lashing out grrrr* “Don't you dare compare your loss to mine. Carlos was—"

”Was what, Luz? ‘Nother pawn to you?"

Luz explodes in anger, initiating a physical fight

After

Bruised and bleeding

"We can't keep doing this, Johnny. We’re on the same side."

“Yeah, well, maybe if we talked instead of throwing punches..."

“Talking’s not exactly our thing."

“No, but maybe it should be."