#that's usually how it feels to me
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With the rest of this evening, here are the rest of the boys. Because most of them weren't too complicated, I drew them just once.
#as long as I can get a grasp on their face the rest of the character can follow suit (I think)#that's usually how it feels to me#collin gets a half-a-page only because his face was tricky#it's not like charlie's exactly and I've never actually tried to draw the ~sachou~ before#so he needed the most attention :V#doodle-daas#pikmin#pikmin 4#pikmin 4 spoilers#I guess since one or two of you aren't really shown prior to the release :T#collin#yonny#russ#dingo#bernard
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everyone be quiet i'm manifesting
#the bad batch#tbb#star wars#star wars the bad batch#sw tbb#tbb omega#tbb wrecker#tbb crosshair#tbb echo#tbb tech#tbb hunter#mods art#mods draws#my art#YAYYYYY ITS DONE#i've been tinkering w this for like a couple weeks now i think#just on and off#whenever i was nervous about their fates or just generally sad about them i would work on this#it was supposed to make me feel better but it would usually just make me more sad 😭😭#but i still really like how it turned out!!! so that's cool#very self indulgent but!!! whatever#i think i'll add this to my inprnt soon too :) so keep a look out for that i guess lol#okay byeeeeee#ALSO THE NEW EP WAS SO GOOD#okay bye fr
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hard to get out of bed beneath the weight of all this lard, could u bring me another snack please????? 🥺
#entire quick clip and and pics up in the usual spots 😊#Feel Free to tease me abt how enormous i've gotten 🥺🥺#me
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#good omens#´hello friends!! how are you!!#I hope you're doing well! ( ´ ▽ ` )#I have a big cough but otherwise I am good! It's nothign bad I am just very slimey#usually I am not a cough person I am not sure where this is coming from#most of the time I just get a stuffy nose#has my nose gotten stronger#but there are good news too I have already found a VERY good chestnut to put into my pocket this autumn!! its very small! (❁´▽`❁)#it's been a very warm autumn in Germany so far so it has not really felt like fall yet#but yesterday it was all rainy and stormy and I had two new books and it was the best day possible to have a slimey cough (:#and now I feel SO much autumn I am close to buying a set of window colors#I do not know what I would to with the window colors I just have this strong urge in me to buy a window color set#the last time I did a window color was at the birtday of a class mate I think she turned 9 and I made a deer#but for some reason we did this craft 5 minutes before we all had to leave so we had to carry our window color deer home wet#unfortunatly for the deer and me I fell down the stairs of her house and smeared the deer all over me and i screamed the entire drive home#which wasn't very long but it probably felt very long for the mother who had a screaming child covered in window color deer inside her car
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organizing my art folder I found this one drawing sitting there for months bc I didn't like how it turned out and meant to come back to it later but never did lol
but on second thought I guess it looks fine so I might as well post it now 😅
also I've been pretty much MIA these past few months bc life (good and bad) and tbh it was nice, so I'll mostly stay that way, I think... pop back now and then, whenever I finish more drawings lol
#good omens#good omens fanart#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#crowley x aziraphale#aziraphale#crowley#anthony j crowley#my art#me coming back after the most life altering burnout and weeks feeling like I had been hit by a bus repeatedly:#hi guysss 👋#so how are y'all doing? I've been chilling 😎 reading lots... watching tv... going out... yk the usual#also might open commissions sometime bc I left my job#(it was a good thing - see aforementioned burnout lol)#but not sure yet#we'll see how it'll pan out
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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I want it back = I drag its dead weight forward
#artists on tumblr#animation#in stars and time#isat#illustration#in stars and time spoilers#isat spoilers#like for real#anyway I'm still thinking about Siffrin Instarsandtime#shoutout to tumblr user jb-blunk for the words from the caption which inspired this whole deal#literally finished the game and had those words looping (haHA) in my head like 'how do I use this what can I do to match this feeling' LMAO#if you haven't played ISAT well. first of all stop looking don't glean anything from this shhhh- but also GO PLAY IT IT'S EXCELLENT#heavily based off the astronomical clock in Prague! I love that thing so it was really fun to try and make it more ISAT-like#bc the themes are already there yanno!! Stars n' whatnot! And then of course the craft types instead of the astrological signs!#Loop and the King for the sun and the moon!!#can you tell I thought about and planned this one for like. A while. Longer than I usually spend LMAO#so yeah go play it immediately come be absolutely ILL and SICK and PLAGUED about the secret boss with me#fanart#pic
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sidelong
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#fushiita#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#i havent drawn a dedicated itfs piece in so long im a fraud dont look at me......................#i offer u pining!yuuji content. as Penance.#i feel like its usually fushiguro emotionally repressed megumi who ppl draw/make content of looking Longingly @ yuuji#and like. for good reason i mean look at him#but i feel like hopelessly-in-love-w-his-best-friend yuuji is a comparatively slept on concept#or maybe im not looking in the right places idk man#fleeting glances and longing stares and I Should Tell Him I Can't Tell Him.....OUgh#anyway i like how the pendulum seems to have hard swung back in2 me using a bunch of red#i feel like my values r so much better now tho n like. god help me im having fun painting again what has happened#it never lasts long but for rn this is probably one of my favourite things ive drawn in a minute!!!#i love u contrast i love u random bits of red i love u harsh shadows and dramatic light sources#and it didnt even take me a week this time !!!!
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on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as 'masturbatory' because even though it's an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it's impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance
#it's such an ugly word but like. self-pleasure is good‚ actually#it's good to know yourself and what you like and lovingly treat yourself to it!#like similarly 'meretricious' is extremely tempting if you ignore the underlying metaphor#but. hard to.#language#and quite frankly i think people who whip out 'masturbatory' in this sneering sort of way#are leveraging‚ if we're honest with ourselves‚ a particular framing of it as a gross thing that boys do#because like. when have you ever heard a *woman's* self-indulgent art described as masturbatory#like don't get me wrong we absolutely still dismiss it! but we dismiss it in other ways#that are usually about how embarrassing her *yearning* is#and so even our sneering is reinforcing an idea that men Act whereas women Feel#anyway this was prompted by some things but i shoved it in the queue so now i forget what lol#so here you are getting some contextless thoughts on the use of 'masturbatory' as sneering dismissive assessment!#just what you were hoping for i'm sure :)
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stillness in these waking hours
instagram | shop | commission info
#artists on tumblr#animated illustration#2d animation#backgrounds#digital art#animated gif#environment illustration#myillust#cozy#office#workspace#rain#gifs#this was inspired by how i've been having to stay up all night to get some stuff done and one day#i was just looking out the window and watched the sunrise through the grey rainy clouds c':#everything felt so quiet and still - it took a lot out of me to not animate more things in this one heh#i love how it turned out - the serene-ness and stillness of it all really captured the feeling i wanted to recreate :')#(also this isn't my irl workspace lol maybe the blinds and as usual this is just my character not me)#but i nonetheless hope you'll like this! <3 wishing you a lovely day or night ahead!
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2024 Brazilian GP | x
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#I'm so conflicted about all the rumors!!#I want him to have a spot for 2025!! but rbr is kinda falling apart!! and we've seen how especially callous they can be 😢#I miss Daniel so much 🥺 I've been on my usual insta dives and everytime I see vcarb I still pause out of habit#still I agree with so many folks that its good he got away from rbr who never were going to give him the respect and opportunities!!#so I worry for Franco!!!#and poor Max gosh this FiA balogna and the car just not performing 🥲#tbh I've been hiding in like 2017 posts just soaking up content I missed from bygone days!#I spam my sideblog verstappen100 if anyone wants like mostly Daniel throwback yearning hehe 🙂↕️#idk the vibes feel off this GP especially so like...idk how to explain it!!#but anyways I think I'm just new and I'm sick irl so just kinda stewing in the feels#nothing some gifs can't fix 🙂↕️#and I have to work tomorrow 🥲 but then!!! freedom!!!#anyways just rambling...#I like to hide in the tags and the side blog but I know that#hiding how I feel is blocking me from making true connections in fandom!!#I worry I'll say something silly or something#but maybe I should be more brave instead of hiding#oh anyways!!!#if you're reading all this!! thank you! hehe nothing huge just feeling dumping before slumber 😴#I hope all is well!!#sending good energy out to Franco on such a hard weekend#and to Daniel hopefully chilling and dreaming up something excellent 💞#and to y'all!! have a good night morning and afternoon!! 🌙☀️☁️#going to add a few more photos before I go!!
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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Firefox-official vs electronicmail
Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby
okay come up with a better idea then. firefox-official is gone asshole it’s electronicmail or nothing
#this one was hard to respond to because it elicited the usual anon rage in me#but i had to think about it anyway.#this blog has been around for less than a month and it is driving me fucking crazy#don’t you think i know?#dont you think it hurts enough already#i dont want this blog either i want my old blog back with all my stuff on it#i would like to stick around#because i loved posting#and i get that you’re just having fun#but i’m making an example of you#less than a month vs five years#‘household name’ firefox official#spent five years building that thing#and now it’s just this.#i keep forgetting#and then i’m here again#not home#i know you all feel bad enough for me already#but it’s so hard to be myself because the environment on here is SO different#we were HAPPY#WE WERE SO HAPPY#Umm… Or whatever.#guess i could go back to firefox unofficial#but that feels far too close to the sun. and i’m done with the wings i think.#i dont mean to be so serious#a total mood killer i know#i just dont know how to proceed exactly#because when i post like normal i cant help but feel sad#and when i post about being sad its just sort of obnoxious#i’m not really asking for pity i just want to explain where i am at
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never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
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#selfie bee#me telling a coworker who I have been working with for 4 months and whose name I do not know about my toenails#i'm sorry Tobias (?? Paul ??) it was the only topic I could come up with after I already told you about the big bird I saw in 8th grade#FRIENDS how are you!! :) how has the new year been so far!!#did you have a lot of snow on christmas!#we did and it was really fun! I had a very bad cold so I just watched the snow from inside but that was good too c:#do you have any plans for the new year?#i always have lot and most of the time I do not do any of them but planning is fun#this year I REALLY want to watch all of Star Trek ヽ(´∇`)ノ#I would also love to learn how to make a handstand#imagine if you could just make yourself upside down#but it is a far away dream because honestly I am not very good at being usual side up most of the time either#but I will try probably at least 2 times to learn it ( ᐛ )#maybe I'll finally finish that website!#new years are good and fun#it's wild to think about how much daily life has changed since last year but I feel just the same :)#who knows what this year will bring!#I hope I don't hit a pheasant with my car#I almost hit a pheasant with my car last year and the pheasant made direct eye contact#I wonder how he is doing today#since that moment I think about pheasants a lot#I knew they were real but I had never seen one#just to know they are out there is a mystical feeling#right know it is raining so all the pheasants might be wet#get dry soon pheasants!!#I don't think I've ever seen a wet bird either#I don't know what do do with all these birds thoughts#also thank you for the person who asked about my skirt!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅#I've finished it and its really really bad#but I love it
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you dream of devouring your friends whole
#the 'it' and 'that' sif is referring to is the act 3 loop hangout but i enjoy being vague in dialogue it feels natural. tee hee.#serious time means everyone gets noses btw. sorry about the slow metamorphasis back into my usual style from my mimicry#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat loop#isat act 5 spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat siffrin#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#sifloop#YES IM TAGGING THE SHIP. THUMBS UP. READ INTO THAT HOW YOU WILL BECAUSE IT WAS ON MY MIND WHEN DRAWING IT AT THE LEAST#aaaaaanyway. my personal reading of loop is. how do you say... flowey-esque. to invoke a fellow antagonistic timelooper. since imo#they do seem even fuuurther gone than sasasap sif was when we saw them. and BOY DOES LATEGAME ISAT SIF HAVE SOME INTRUSTIVE THOUGHTS#so uh. who's to say what happened in there. since we know start again isnt quite congruent as loop never beat the king.#i wouldn't blame them for going maybe a little mad. just a lil#it is important to me that loop is. perhaps a bit haunted. AND THAT THEY GET THROUGH IT!!! but they are haunted#lucabyteart#anyway uhhh. probably should put a cw for implied cannibalism??#cannibalism mention
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