#whenever i was nervous about their fates or just generally sad about them i would work on this

[mroddmod]

everyone be quiet i'm manifesting

[thequietkid-moonie]

When i saw you took requests for hamefura i SCREAMED, could i please have hc on being the youngest of the claes siblings?

Being the youngest of the Claes siblings

[ PLATONIC HEADCANONS ]

[ My next life as a Villainess All Routes Lead to Doom! ]

Dear I understand your excitement =w=

This was super cute to think!! Thank u for requesting it!! I hope you like it! ❤️

When Keith and Katarina heard the news that they will have a young sibling they got really excited

Keith remembered when he came to the house of the Claes for the first time, he was nervous and sad but they recive them with open arm, specially Katarina, she was really sweet with him and even helped him win more confidence in himself, he was so happy for had the opportunity to meet his precious family and he wants to become a great big brother too, he wants to give you that feeling of security and love he felt

And Katarina was just excited in general, she can be pretty childish on times so this could mean more fun! Her excitment last for a while until she remember the whole thing with the videogame, trying her hardest to remember your history to came up with a plan to prevent you to became a villian too, she would hate for her precious little sibling get involved in her terrible fate too

To be honest their mother, Millidiana Claes things that Katarina will be a bad influence for you, but will never stop you to past time with her, while your father, Luigi Claes just find it pretty funny, he loves seeing his kids having fun. When you were just a baby she didn't leave her with you much time (specially after she tried to fed you with some cake), your mother trust more in Keith than in Katarina when it came to you (even if they are still young)

While you grow up Millidiana try to teach you how to properly behave for a Duke/Duchess, but Katarina is always there to mess the lessons, even if you try to learn and follow what your mother tells you she will always inviting you to play. If Katarina and Keith already go to the Magica School then she will take advantage of those moments where your siblings where busy to teach you

While Keith is trying to follow the lessons your mother gives you, Katarina is always trying to make you act like someone your age, like a child

It doesn't matter your gender or your age difference, Katarina is always up to play with you, always inviting you to eat some sweets together and even will teach you about her crops, and of course she will introduce you to the novel she loves the most

Even if you are more shy or mature she will always drag you to do things with her, whenever she does plans you end envolved too, from go take care of the crops to go in small trips (like when they went to the lake)

Keith really wish to be a big brother you can be proud of, to be that person that you can relay on whenever you need help with something, also he makes effords to make you feel comfortable and safe around him. And whenever you tell him how much you love him or how you are proud of him, even the smallest hint that you look up at him Keith gets blushy and melt in the spot for your cuteness (but if you show that you admire someone else aside from him or Katarina he will get jelous and sad but won't tell you anything about it, he will just be a little pouty)

As much as Keith wants to be more strict with you he just can't bring himself to do it, you and Katarina are his weakness, you just have to make some puppy eyes and he will give you whatever you want, and, he wont say it out loud but he really likes to spoil you (Katarina spoils you a lot without noticing)

Also, Keith grows quite protective over you, he just cares about you a lot, you are his cute litte sibling after all (and having a lot of people interested in Katarina doesn't help either), specially when it comes to Geordo, he just don't like him at all

When they have to be in school Katarina is constantly writing you letters about what happen to her in school, like when a girl blame her of doing something against Maria, about her crops she have in school, the school play in which her friends forced her to participate and the school festival

Keith and Katarina are very proud siblings too, they praise every improve you have, from your firs steps to your magic power, it doesn't matter if you aren't the smartest or the sportier they will always ve proud of you. And your parents too, but while Luigi show it all the time, Millidiana is more discreet

It's just matter of time for you to meet the others too, and everyone will end up caring about you in their own ways

Geordo is mostly polite whenever he sees you or spend time with you, but if you tell him that you see him more like a friend he start spending more and more time with you and be more friendly too (using it as a excuse to spend time with Katarina too), even start playing with you whatever you want (and will show it off to Keith just to annoy him)

Alan wasn't too interested in meeting you and he just keep your interactions to a minimum, but with time he grow fond of you and start spending more time with you and playing a lot with you when it come to something sportier, he will never say no whenever you challenge him. He also will grow quite protective over you, Alan will be the type to follow you around to makes sure you don't hurt yourself

Mary will totally baby you, she likes to hug you and pinch your cheeks whenever she have the opportunity and even gives you cute outfits (specially if you are a girl or girly), at first it was because it was like having a mini version of her beloved Katarina, but with time she just start loveing your cuteness. She will spoil you a lot and she can easily become your best friend

Sophia is really sweet and gentle with you since the first moment she met you, she isn't exactly the atletic type so she will spend time with you mostly by having tea parties, she will recommend books if you want and even will read to you if you ask her, and will love to draw with you or even study (or just hear you talk about your special interest whatever you like the most)

Nicol doesn't talk much and he finds difficult to approach people, but he is happy to help you with whatever you need, even if he doesn't express it he likes spending time with you too, and, just like her sister, he doesn't mind hearing you talk about everything and anything

Maria is really caring and sweet too, she will be happy to meet you, she is always looking after your well-being, you could easily see her as a second mother, but she, along with Keith, is really weak before your puppy eyes. She happyly play with you whatever you want and loves helping you with whatever you need

When you start spending more time with your own friends all of them feel their little baby is growing up so fast, and Keith can't help feel a little leave behind but just at first

At the vert moment they know exist the smallest possibility of you having in a near future a partner/fiance they will be all over you, but their reactions are diferent. Katarina, Mary and Sophia wants to know every detail they can get from you (or your parents), hoping for you to live a cute romance, Nicol and Maria wants to know to but mostly because they wants you to be happy, having by your side someone who cares about you and loves you inconditionally, and, in the other hand we have Keith, Geordo and Alan who Will be pretty wary of this idiot person since they don't want you to be stuck with a person who don't deserve you

All of them make a pretty messy group, but, over all, you are in good hand and you will have a lot of fun!

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Severus Snape being an awesome teacher and human being

Au Volant - Elsa & Emilie

He makes sure to let students work on their own when they brew Amortentia. They only have to pass in a list of things they smell and he draws little smiley faces on them because he knows a lot of kids are very insecure about their feelings. (Once a kid passed in a list that just said, I’m sorry Professor but it doesn’t smell like anything, and on their paper Severus drew an ace and aro flag and a time for the student to be at Mcgonogall’s office that weekend for tea, along with a smiley face and an O grade.) (The student was Newt.) (Hailee’s just read, People are gross and if I fall in love with one I want you to kill me, to which Severus responded, Valid, and drew her a picture of a turtle.)

He makes fake batches of Felix Felicis and gives one to every student secretly before their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s so they feel extra confident going into the test but aren’t actually cheating.

He knows his area is Potions, but he teaches defense spells to students who come after class or report bullying anonymously. Severus Snape does not fucking stand for bullying in his classroom or outside of it. If you dare to pick on one of his students, he will burn you so hard with his mere words that you will wish you were dead. Do not fuck with Severus Snape’s kids.

On parent-teacher day, he drinks different batches of Polyjuice Potion to imitate certain students, all of whom hide away in their dorms after drinking a fine batch of invisibility potion. He then follows these select parents around and endures their horrifying, demeaning remarks about their “failure of a child” so his students don’t have to. He makes sure to give these students glowing praises to their parents when it’s his turn to offer feedback (after making up an excuse to go to the bathroom as the student), and takes mental notes of the parents’ most prominent criticisms so he can be sure to compliment those parts of his students during their next assignments (and also just because).

He brews sleeping potions for students he knows stay up all night studying and sometimes slips it into their drinks if they refuse to take it willingly. He then gives them back their (usually almost flawless) tests with the note that if they want a full O they need to sleep more.

He invites kids he knows don’t have many friends to have dinner and lunch and breakfast in his classroom whenever they’d like. He tries to make friends with some of them too, hoping to make their lives a little less lonely than his was.

He keeps an eye out for abusive home situations. He does his best to come up with excuses for those unfortunate students to stay at Hogwarts over breaks or to visit often over the summer. He tries to find them friends that will help them the way James helped Sirius and Regulus, and speaks to Mcgonogall about opening a home for these kids on campus. He does his best to be the parent he knows these kids don’t have, and is open about his own horrid past in hopes of getting some of them to fess up so he can help them better than he can without hearing it explicitly from their mouths.

He uses his Pensieve to collect happy memories of and for his students to reflect on when they need to and they sit in the corner of his classroom. (Among them are his wedding day to James and Lily, the day Harry was born, a couple playdates with the other Marauder children, Sirius and Remus’ wedding day, studying with Remus, pranking James with Sirius, Sirius and James asleep cuddled together with Remus on the couch in ugly Christmas sweaters, his son and many nieces and nephews playing dress-up, reading with Hermione and exploring with Luna and Newt, dancing with Draco (he likes to dance but was always ashamed to do it at the Malfoys), going on long drives with Regulus, the Blacks’ funeral (Regulus and Sirius performed a very gay stripper dance on top of their graves, it was beautiful), and many, many more.) Sometimes he can see his saddest students watching them and smiling, and their sad eyes twinkling make him smile.

He brings in a box of small kittens, puppies, and bunnies one day and lets them wander around the classroom. Some kids start crying because they haven’t felt this loved in years. After an incident with a bad potion and a rainbow puppy, he stops bringing them all out during class, but they’re there on the weekends and whenever a student needs to hug one (or borrow one, much to Mcgonogall’s chagrin).

He works to break down House biases and help students develop inter-House relationships and friendships. He wants every student to be proud of their House and not to treat anyone differently because of theirs. He creates (with Dumbledore, Sirius, and Regulus’ help) an annual House Pride, in which every student dresses up in their House colors and has their nails and skin painted and everyone is smiling and laughing and waving flags with their House emblems in the air. Even the teachers get in on it.

He stresses the importance of friendships, communication, and choices. He urges students not to make his mistakes by treating their friends well, talking about their feelings even if they’re ugly, and making the right choices in life for you and your loved ones, even if those choices are hard. He invites Lily in to talk about this too sometimes.

He sends out his Patronus every night to wander around the school. Often it comes back to him with nothing, but sometimes he can hear a student crying through it. He’ll instruct his doe to sit with the student until he gets there, and then he’ll walk around the castle, pretending to “accidentally” happen upon the crying student. He’ll sit with them until they’ve calmed down and listen if they want to talk and then take them to their dorm, bidding them goodnight and get well soon.

He gives students hugs when they want them. He didn’t want to originally, but Harry would greet him every class with a hug, and then one day Draco came in crying and attached himself to Severus like a sloth, so he patted him on the back and continued to hug him. Not long after, Hermione couldn’t figure out a potion and burst into tears out of frustration, turning and burying herself in his chest. After Luna wrapped her stick arms around his neck for no reason, Severus just accepted his fate and let his students hug him.

A lot of first years get scared in the hallways, since the staircases move and everywhere is incredibly crowded and they are oh so very small. Severus will often hold the hand of the most anxious ones for the first few weeks and walk them to class. Eventually they become more confident with the castle and themselves and stop needing it, but the occasional sixth year will slip their hand into his just because sometimes.

He walks around campus with students sometimes. He can tell when they’re nervous or sad or angry and he takes them on walks around the outskirts of campus and lets them vent. He also teaches them how to throw curses at the Whomping Willow just because (it’s for Remus but nobody’s gonna say it out loud).

He teaches students how to walk dramatically (as he should). He puts on student drag shows in the Great Hall with James’ help (who always kisses him way too enthusiastically because of it) and Dumbledore’s permission (so long as he gets to be the finale). The students work with Sirius on their drag looks and Sirius and Remus both join in the drag show for the opening act. Sirius’ job is to design and create the students’ looks while Remus tells them they look pretty and tames their stage fright. Severus just sits in the audience smirking while Lily screams in delight. (Regulus also shrieks with excitement eventually, though he does usually spend the first half trying to look disinterested.) (Peter’s job is to get the cookies and sweets (and underage alcohol).)

He turns into his snake Animagus form sometimes without warning when his students aren’t looking and just slithers around the classroom scaring the crap out of people. His favorite students are the ones brave enough to pet him. Harry and Newt are the only ones brave enough (and allowed) to wind him around their shoulders. Severus and Harry sometimes have conversations in Parseltongue.

He invents spells to help with dyslexia and other learning disabilities in his spare time. When he’s done with that he plans to try looking into some cures to mental illness. He’s thinking possibly a potion that treats PTSD by replacing traumatic memories with pictures of puppies, unicorns, bunnies, cats, and parrots. What do you think?

He tries hard to come up with solutions and modifications to his lessons for students with ADHD. He often talks to James about what the best steps to take are because James has ADHD. (So does Sirius, but his insecurities are bad enough that he won’t talk about it with anyone but Remus and James.)

He plays the violin sometimes during tests and uses Sonorus to make it echo throughout the classroom. Occasionally he cancels class and just plays until most of his students fall asleep. Those who want to work on extra work can, but he tries to keep their stress and general teenage angst to a minimum. (Though he encourages the emo phase.)

One of the first things he does after the Prank is get to work on a lycanthropy solution for Remus. After a couple years he invents the wolfsbane potion, but it doesn’t quite do the trick. Eventually he manages to figure out the cure, and when Remus finds out he cries so hard he can’t breathe right for days. (Sirius also cries. So does James. And Peter. And Lily and Regulus and Mcgonogall. Seriously, everyone cried and everyone hugged him and Severus tried to get away by transforming into his snake form but toddler Harry just grabbed him and refused to let go, so that didn’t work.) (He also helps Remus become a wolf Animagus when he asks almost a year later.)

He teaches certain kids Occlumency and Legilimency after school. It’s strictly for kids he knows come from abusive homes, whether they’re open about it or not, so they can tell when it’s going to be a bad night and get away or protect themselves. He teaches Occlumency for those who need to hide things from their parents (like Sirius and Regulus used to) and Legilimency to all, just in case. He focuses on stealth and untraceable versions of the craft to earn the kids as much time and protection as he can.

He figures out how to remove the Dark Mark from his own arm after the war. The next person he calls is Regulus, whose he also removes. He writes down the entire process and when the war starts up again, he keeps an eye out for students suddenly wearing long sleeves. He speaks with those he does find and helps them to make the right choice and join the right side of the war, starting with removing that horrid tattoo. (Draco bawls uncontrollably when Severus removes his.)

When they do the lesson on Veritaserum, he’s extra careful to make sure students don’t test it, especially on themselves or their friends. It, along with Amortentia, is the most guarded potion in his stash. The only times he uses it is when a student from an abusive home is too scared to tell him what’s going on, in which case he finds them somewhere private, asks them if they’d be okay with it and if so which teacher they want to be there to ask the questions (usually Remus, Sirius, or himself), and then administers the potion and leaves or begins to ask yes or no questions. It’s helped a lot of kids escape their families.

He tries to ease trepidations about himself early in the school year, since he’s aware he can be intimidating and the rampant stories regarding his time under Voldemort (though entirely as a spy) do not help. His friendships with Remus and Sirius often serve to alleviate students’ fears though, as they tend to tell embarrassing stories about him from their own Hogwarts days that make him seem more human (and make him want to strangle them, but that’s neither here nor there).

Every year, he works with Remus and Lily to arrange Muggleborn Pride. It’s an incredibly popular event with tons of Muggle inventions and artifacts floating through the air over students’ heads. At any time they can reach up and pull one down to study it. Many students dress as their favorite Muggle icons and characters. Because of this, Muggleborn students are more comfortable being who they are than ever before. (Some have even reclaimed the word Mudblood by setting up mud pits during their Pride.) (They also have more Slytherin Muggleborns now than any other time in recorded history.)

He tells Regulus’ story to every class of students, to teach them what true bravery is and how love and family, even if not blood, can change the course of history. Regulus survived his encounter with the Horcruxes and worked to destroy them and eventually Voldemort, but now lives away from the public eye in a secluded part of Muggle London. He and Severus are friends and visit often, and Regulus will occasionally come back to Hogwarts to say hello to his brother and mum (Remus), but for the most part he keeps his life intensely private. He allows his family to tell his story because he wants other kids to know they are not alone and that there is a way out, and that you are not a bad person for things you did in your childhood. Severus does his best to do it justice.

He has incredibly loud arguments with Dumbledore until he finally agrees to implement sex ed as a mandatory class at Hogwarts. Severus works with the other Marauders on the curriculum and they try to include multiple angles and identities in their lesson plan. At first they try to trust Remus with it, but Remus doesn’t go anywhere without Sirius who is less than tactful and Remus himself has some deadpan sarcasm and a lack of shame to rival James Potter’s, so. They try Lily. She can’t stop giggling. Finally they beg Regulus to come back and teach it. He’s surprisingly… perfect for the job. (He steals parenting books from Amir, that’s his secret.)

When James visits, everything becomes chaos for a bit. While he mostly hangs out with Sirius and Remus and causes trouble with them, he certainly seems to enjoy sitting in the back of Severus’ classroom and bothering him during lessons. The only way to get him to leave is to turn into a snake and wind himself around his shoulders, which makes James shriek and sputter and run away (James has always had an irrational fear of snakes; odd that he married one then, innit?). But when James isn’t causing chaos, he’s following Severus around adoringly and grabbing at his hand, whispering jokes in his ear and kissing his cheek. Despite all of the times he’s a pain in the ass, there are always these little moments that remind Severus why he fell in love with him in the first place (entirely unwillingly and with much stubborn pride on both ends, but, well. It is what it is and they got here eventually, so that’s all that matters).

When Lily visits, everything is calm. She reigns all of the Marauders in and forces them to have picnics under the tree where they all used to do homework. She often holds Severus’ hand and dances with him there, turning his insides to useless goo. She’s always full of laughter and fairy bells, and though she makes every student question their priorities and life decisions, she’s a favorite of them all. Not a day goes by that someone doesn’t pull him aside and say, “You’re a lucky, lucky man.” (Or, in James’ case: “Fuck, love, how’d we bloody manage that?” (Severus just shrugs. It’s not like he knows.))

He helps kids with autism feel more like they belong. He also works to educate non-autistic students how to better socialize and respect those who are, and takes extra care to dispel myths about autism and its causes, effects, and characteristics. Lily helps when she can.

Above all, Severus tries to give his students the education he never had. Anything he can provide for them he will. He’s been given a second chance and by Merlin is he going to bloody use it.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Andy Cavenaugh

(My shitty gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Living in the middle of the desert was an interesting experience. You’d lived in the same home since you were born and yet there were still occupants of your town that you’d never seen or met; even though there was only a meager population of under 50.

- It was the sheer size of your state that did it. Everyone lived miles away from each other and any shop that was considered to be “nearby” was still at least a thirty minute drive so you only ever went into town a couple times a month. Which is how you met Andy.

- You’d driven into town with a list of supplies you’d needed and a wallet full of that months savings, ready to get your stuff and go as quickly as you could; hoping to get home before the sun rose all the way and baked you alive.

- Coincidentally, Andy was in town at the same time, loitering around the store you were attempting to shop at. You paid him no mind and went about your business until you were ready to check out.

- Once the shopkeep had rung you up, you found that you didn’t have enough money for all the things on your list and reluctantly told the man to keep something as he helped you pack up what you could afford.

- Andy watched the entire interaction from somewhere behind you as he pocketed whatever he felt like. Once you headed towards the doors of the building, he picked some cheap thing off the shelf and went to the checkout, watching you as you packed up your car.

- While the store clerk was preoccupied with the cash register, the boy snuck whatever you’d left behind into his jacket and waited another few moments for the man to hand him his actual purchase before he made his way outside.

- You were just about to get into your car when he came up to you, greeting you casually before he held out his hand and offered you the thing that you’d left behind. You looked at him in surprise before you thanked him and took it, shifting it to your other hand so that you could offer him yours in a handshake.

- The two of you introduced yourselves and he asked if you’d be interested in going out sometime. Since all you knew about him was that he was attractive and sweet enough to “buy” you the thing you couldn’t afford, you agreed and wrote down your number for him, telling him that it was nice meeting him and saying goodbye before you drove off. 

- He calls you a couple days later while out with his friends, a little liquid courage in his system and a bit of peer pressure from his buddies leading to his wonderful decision making. 

- You’re clueless and he thinks his friends will stick to their word of “heading out before you show”, which obviously doesn’t happen. You arrive and they’re still there, almost immediately inviting themselves to what was supposed to be your first date and making the night rather uncomfortable at times. 

- You can tell that your date is just as uncomfortable as you, but that doesn’t exactly make things any better. By the time the night ends, you’ve already decided that you’re probably just gonna count your losses and find a potential boyfriend elsewhere. 

- But fate seems to be on Andy’s side because the two of you find yourselves face to face a few days later. He gives you an apology, explaining everything before telling you that he’d like to see you again.

- It takes you a minute to decide but you finally agree and tell him that you’ll give it another shot, bringing up your own idea for a date in hopes that you won’t be bothered by his buddies again. He gives you a wide smile, asking when he should pick you up and thanking you genuinely just before he leaves.

- So, for your second date; though you like to consider it your first, the two of you go to whichever place you chose and wind up having a really nice time. He seems to be on his best behavior but his real personality shines through as well; and it’s one that you really enjoy.

- You probably give him a kiss on the cheek as a goodnight but the two of you share your first real kiss on your next date. You’d spent pretty much the entire night together and wound up parking off on the side of the road to stargaze for a while. 

- You were leaning against the hood of his car with him, looking up at the sky before your gaze shifted to the man beside you. He was preoccupied with watching the stars, leaving you to let your mind wander. 

“I’m glad we gave this another shot.” You said and watched as his focus shifted to you instead. 

- He gave you a smile and told you that he was too before he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours. 

- Congratulations, you caught yourself a firebird in the middle of the desert.

- Andy really doesn’t give a shit about how other people feel like 80% of the time, and he’s just a fan of affection in general, so there’s going to be a lot of Pda in your relationship; if you’ll allow it.

- Handholding. He likes keeping you close to him and making sure that you aren’t getting into any dangerous trouble; especially if you’re around his friends. Although he does wear his gloves a lot so; even though he gives you the occasional reassuring squeeze or strokes his thumb across your knuckles, you’ll most likely be feeling leather more than his skin.

- If someone’s kissing a face, it’s you. His lips are for your lips only, he doesn’t bother touching them to anything else; though he does enjoy when you kiss him on the cheek or jaw.

- Deep, slow kisses.

- He calls you honey or baby more than he calls you by your name. And as tough as he likes to pretend he is, he’d love to have you call him by pet names too.

- Cuddling is one of his favorite pastimes; he absolutely loves it. Most of the time, he’ll pull you in, pressing his cheek/jaw to your head and letting you lay right up against him, your head resting against his shoulder or in the crook of his neck.

- A lot of the time, he prefers to be loving in a more reserved way. He tends to show that he cares through his actions and by doing little things to make your life easier. Things like waking up early to put gas in your car or picking up things that you need from the store whenever he’s in town so that you don’t have to go.

- Sometimes, he’ll set up a sentence like he’s about to say something really sweet or you’ll ask him something expecting a cute response and he’ll just say something crude or lewd instead.

“How do I look.” He turns and looks at you, a smile gracing his face.

“Your tits look great.” He replies, barely holding in his laughter.

- He indulges you more than he cares to admit. He might occasionally act like he’s too cool but he’s too in love with you to say no and potentially make you sad.

- Tv dates. There ain’t shit else to do.

- Cruising around in his firebird; and sometimes parking somewhere to makeout.

- Going on road trips or long outings. There isn’t a whole lot to do in your town so you’ll occasionally take the long ride over to the next town in hopes of finding something fun.

- He’ll never tell you that he does but he always dodges potholes and bumpy areas during these trips so that he doesn’t wake you up while he’s driving.

- Driving out to the middle of the desert with a bundle of blankets to watch the sunrise; or stopping on the side of the road during one of your trips.

- Sitting with him while he works on his car.

- Going out into the desert to shoot or smash random junk. Vases, porcelain, tin cans; stuff like that.

- Playing pinball and other convenience store arcade games.

- Every now and again, he’ll get some money from his pops and take you out to a nice dinner; especially if it’s after the two of you are pushed into doing something you dont like and he can see that you’re upset. It’s usually because of Sam but he still feels the need to try and make it up to you and make sure that you aren’t gonna ghost him.

“Hey, why don’t we go and get some dinner,” he’ll say, a hint of nervous desperation in his voice as you walk out to his car. “You can get whatever you want. Dessert too.”

- It isn’t clear exactly how rich Andy actually is but it seems like he’s sort of embarrassed to have wealth in such a poor town. Because of this, I feel like he probably wouldn’t mention it and would try to dodge questions that would lead to him exposing the truth, maybe acting like he’s less wealthy than he is until Sam “outs” him and causes an awkward situation.

- Him stealing things for you. You’d much prefer if he just bought them but at least he doesn’t tell you whether or not he’s stolen it most of the time.

- Likes to fool around a lot; he’s rarely ever fully serious and he’s always trying to make you laugh.

- Can quote just about any western film you can name and does impressions of all the characters. He grew up on those sorts of things so he’s practically an expert by now.

- He likes messing with your stuff: putting on your clothes, using your mirror for random stuff, picking things up off your dresser and toying around with them, etc.

- My god, the change of character he has when he’s with his friends and you, compared to when he’s with his parents gives you whiplash. It’s hilarious seeing him lie and act like an angel during family dinners.

- His dad probably lectures him about manners whenever you’re with them: things like putting his elbows on the table, saying grace, how he treats you, etc. Its pretty amusing to see.

- He seems like a good guy who got mixed in with the wrong people. Sure, he enjoys a little chaos and trouble making like the rest of them but he doesn't like hurting people and you can tell from the way he acts afterward that he isn't proud; especially when you give him a look in the middle of the situation and sober him up.

- You’re dragged along with him and the boys a lot; or he’s forced to ditch you to hang out with them whenever Sam calls.

- Sam flirting with you. You know damn well that he’d make you compliment him or get you to agree with his praise of himself; and Andy would be miffed but unable to do anything besides listen to him while his knuckles whiten on his steering wheel.

- There aren’t a lot of people in your town for him to get jealous of but whenever there is, he does. Most of the time, it’s Sam or some flirtatious traveler but other times it’s your celebrity crushes or old boyfriends. He usually just bites his tongue or makes some kind of sarcastic, passive aggressive comment; it depends on who it is and how you’re reacting to them.

- He’s always looking over at you and making sure you’re alright whenever he can; especially when you’re out with his friends. He knows that getting into the trouble that they do can be dangerous and he doesn’t want anything happening to you just because Sam doesn’t know when to stop.

- The two of you get into a lot of arguments but they’re rarely ever serious. You mostly just bicker before the two of you give up and decide that it’s a pointless fight.

- Whenever you do have an argument, one that he causes and upsets you with, he always feels guilty and finds himself unable to stay mad at you. He might not verbally apologize but he will try to make it up to you in some way and tell you that he’s sorry.

- He’s not big on saying he loves you but he does say it on occasion; and definitely shows it more than he says it.

- The two of you probably get engaged on a whim a bit too early into your relationship but he’s promising to take you out of that desert city and along with him to Hollywood so the ring is a nice symbol of that oath. 

[oneshotnewbie]

Kate Beckett x Reader - Change of Fate / Chapter 1

Kate had never felt so helpless in her life as she did now, not even at the point in her age when her mother was brutally murdered and left to die in an rotten alley. She was a detective and yet she had no plan where her partner and best friend was, not to mention her unborn baby, although that is exactly what she should know as a good partner.

You'd been gone for more than 24 hours now, there was not a single reference to your stay and she didn't know where, who or what had taken you but she knew exactly that you wouldn't have left voluntarily. That's what the medium-sized blood stain in your living room told her when she had a queasy feeling and drove to your apartment that night and found it.

You had given her the key as soon as you found out about your pregnancy so that she could come over whenever she had an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach, she needed distance from Castle or she had to know that you were okay if you missed her calls for a few hours.

She was protective of you like a lioness. Anyone who got in your way had to get past her first. But this time she came too late and wasn't there when you really needed her.

And for that she hated herself.

"Beckett," she startled and casted her angry and at the same time sad and thoughtful look at Esposito while she was still thinking about you and the unborn baby. "We have a lead, hurry up!"

Immediately she realized the said words and her mind began to process things too quickly, already circling around the thought of holding you in her arms. With a speed, she let the chair she was sitting in, flying against the wall behind her. The brunette clutched her jacket, weapon and badge and disappeared to the elevator.

She couldn't drive her company car; Esposito had taken the key from her. She was too shaky and upset to drive herself. Instead, he got behind the wheel, also hoping the nightmare was soon over for both you and his best friend.

He was afraid of what she would do if she got her hands on the guy who had done whatever to you, but he was prepared, Espo knew how the woman next to him was when something was taken or hurt from her.

Kate got out of the half-moving car and ran around it to immediately grab a vest and put it on herself. She tied her hair in a ponytail and wanted to walk in, but was stopped by Ryan by a firm grip on her arm. "Wait for us, you don't know what or how many people you will find!"

Angry and nervous, she bit her lip and took a few steps back to the car where she stood with both feet firmly in the ground, as a sign to Kevin that he could let go of her and that she waited and wouldn't go in there alone. She knew the rules by heart, but this was different. Not only was her mind screaming at her to go in there immediately and not waste one more second, but also her body. As if her legs would want to step through that door on their own; she had to control herself.

Her entire body shuddered of fear of what was going on behind the closed metal doors of the large hangar. She had already gone through every single possibility in her head, but she was still afraid that the worst scenarios were more realistic than finding you. Whether you were in there at all or it was a clue into the void yet again.

In the meantime the whole cavalry had arrived with an ambulance and gathered around the three detectives and Castle, the captain was also there and directed the whole thing, Beckett couldn't. The brunette didn't even listen to the instructions. She just wanted in - in and find you.

Snipers had already moved on the roofs and looked through the window ceiling of the hangar, there was no one to be seen yet. And that had given Kate a punch in the stomach.

Fully armored men divided themselves to the three different entrances and waited for the starting shot to enter the building while the three detectives stood at the front door and waited for the captain's confirmation. Kate looked at her intently and she nodded. Two armed men opened the thin yet heavy doors and they moved in like a swarm of bees. Kate was the first of the group to enter, gun drawn.

There was dead silence.

The hangar hadn't been used for a long time, nobody had taken care of the things; boxes were everywhere and blocked the view, making it harder for them to see any attackers before the exchange of fire.

Full of adrenaline, she held her flashlight with a firm grip under her gun and kept walking forward. She broke up with some of her members and tried to find a way through that maze to get to the end. She had to watch out for you every inch of this building.

"Captain, in the back there is something elongated, seems to be some kind of tub." said one of the roof gunners and Kate's heart began to beat faster. "I think I see feet, but I am not sure."

It was the channel on which everyone had to switch on, Beckett had heard everything and she was the only one that was near it, she already saw it from afar.

Her light permeated over the entire floor and her gaze was fixed on something glittering on the floor. Kate looked around once more and ran in the direction of the shiny object. In front of it, she knelt down and took it in her hand while squeezing it hard. The shock ran through her entire body.

It was your necklace that you got shortly before your mother passed. Kate clearly remembered the story you told her about this jewelry; it went on for several generations and you wanted to give it to your baby girl when she turned 18, just like you got it.

"Y/N!" she screamed desperately as she turned around in hope you'd answer. Her eyes made themselves independent and encompassed the lifeless body. She caught her breath in her lungs as she drew in a sharp breath. "NO!"

She was in the field of vision where she could look past the tub from every corner, and there you lay; in a puddle of water - soaking wet and motionless.

[7spaceace7]

Secrets (A Donatello x Reader)

This is incredibly self-indulgent and was really just a fic for me to obsess over tesla coils, but my girlfriend convinced me to post it- so here it is! It got kind of long too, but I hope you enjoy! 

Word Count: 3236

Reader is given feminine terms in this one

Mild cursing (thank you Raph)

Absolute fluff attack, the sweetness will rot your teeth

Singing was your greatest passion. From a young age, you had been roped into music, the emotions it could represent with just a few notes and some relatable lyrics. It was happiness, it was sadness, it was anger and excitement, and it was everything you couldn’t express well enough with just words. Being a writer, sometimes that would get frustrating, but music helped you overcome the most challenging spots in a new piece or story. This is why you would constantly have earbuds in as you sang along to every song you’d memorized on your Spotify shuffle. 

And Donnie noticed this. Every time you would enter the turtles’ lair, he would see you unplug and pack-up your headphones. Hell, he was even able to detect your singing from the sounds of the sewer tunnels echoing with every step you took closer. He’d hear you talk about the music or soundtracks of your favorite games and movies, analyzing what every slight twinge or reprise would allude to. And he loved every part of it. He loved getting to see those moments where music was all you could focus on. Your heart rate rose exponentially in anticipation and excitement. Your eyes would screw shut while you broke into a grin. Your hands would mimic motions to the beat as you played on invisible drums, or strummed a nonexistent guitar. 

It was adorable to him, to say the least. But he never told you so. He never said a word, in case this might scare you off for coming across as “creepy” or weird. He knew most people probably didn’t pay this close attention to little things like that, but then again, he also knew that most people weren’t madly in love with you. 

Which Donatello was. 

He couldn’t tell you, because once he started rambling about you, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop. And if he didn’t stop, then he’d run the 89.07% chance risk of telling you how he’d been in love with you since the day they met you. That was way too high for him to be comfortable. No, he couldn’t tell you, no matter how badly he wanted you to know.

“Okay, so what if you just show ‘er you’re interested instead?” Raph asked, half paying attention to his brother’s predicament, half pounding the punching bag before him into the ground. Leo was in the dojo meditating, and Mikey was playing video games in the living room, which left the two middle brothers to their own devices. For Donnie, this was literally. His three-fingered hands fiddled with his latest electrical circuit. It was bound for sending the right amount of voltage into his inventions without needing four power strips and a generator all on their own. Unfortunately, he was too distracted to actually delve into its components, and settled for breaking and piecing it back together again.

“Show her? How would I do that?” Donnie’s voice trembled at the thought.

“I dunno, you’re the genius here,” Raph huffed, “There’s gotta be somethin’ in this place that you think she’d find cool. She loves music, right?”

“Yeah, like a lot, she even-”

“Rhetorical question, Don, heard the rant plenty,” His brother cut him off. Pausing his violent onslaught of the dummy, he turned to face him. “You’re nervous ‘cause you ain’t ever done somethin’ for a pretty girl before, I get it. So do somethin’ you know you’re good at. That’ll take the nerves off, your plan works, and then I won’ have to listen to you babbling about whatever new fuckin’ thing she did today. Win win.”

The younger turtle paused. “That was...actually pretty sound advice, thank you, Raph.”

“Anytime,” Raph nodded, a smug smile tugging at his lips from being able to help. Problem was, now he was invested. He’d listened to his brother’s rants and rambles and failed plans of possibly confessing for weeks now, what was gonna happen once he finally did it? Raph plopped onto one of Donnie’s bean bag chairs. He didn’t bother to pick up the training dummy. “So what ya gonna do, smart guy?”

Donnie blinked a few times, glasses twitching on his nose as he pushed them up. He didn’t know it, but you coined this his “brainstorming face”. He fiddled with the circuits once again.

“Uh...I’m not sure,” His tongue went dry. A million ideas fly through his brain each minute, and this decides to be the time that he can’t think of a single one good enough. Figures. “I could build her something? Maybe a new stereo, or upgrade the one she has.”

Raph made a noise of disapproval. “You can do better, any old fix-it guy could do that.”

“Fair. Maybe I could- ow!”

A short buzz of the air cut him off as his fiddling paid off. To the world’s great irony, a light bulb several inches away lit up.

“You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good, I…” Donnie trailed off. The purple-clad turtle’s eyes widened as he registered what happened. “I’m better than good, I just had an epiphany!”

“Epipha-what?”

“An epiphany, sudden realization, an idea!” Donnie flicked his goggles back down, enhancing his vision with the magnifier on it. Wires were tugged in and out, and a transmitter was displaced. With a snort of triumph, he raised it to the air for his brother to see. “This is the answer!” 

“A tiny board thing. Just what she’s always wanted,” Raph rolled his eyes, but Donnie was prepared for this.

“Not just a tiny board, a tiny board with this!-” With great haste, Donnie was next to Raph, holding the board out properly. “My side-side project, this little thing, look at the coil here, this is it! This is a tesla coil, capable of transmitting thousands and thousands of volts of energy surging through the air, powering anything within its radius, which is perfect and exactly why I needed to reconfigure it to power my lab and this one new machine I’m working on, but that’s not why this is the perfect idea!”

“Wow, please continue, professor, I’m dyin’ to know.”

“Glad you asked! Watch this!” One aux cord, T-Phone connection, and light-dimming later, the lab went dark in anticipation. And suddenly, with the press of a play button on Donnie’s shuffle, music started to fill the air. But it wasn’t coming from his phone. It was coming from the coils, surging and creating not only electric energy that was visible to the human eye as it sparked, but music. Sound. The beats and notes of the song playing sprouted out in the form of electricity.

Raph’s green eyes became transfixed on the sparks flying out. “Holy shit.”

“Holy shit is right!” Came the squeals of utter nerding out, “This is only a tabletop version of an SGTC circuit, my own type of it anyway based on Tesla’s original designs, but if I reworked it, made it bigger, made it lifelike and maybe four or five of them, I could create the most advanced musical performance this city has ever seen!”

“I’m gonna pretend I know everything you just said because clearly this is your nerd thing,” Raph started, utterly confused. Even still, a reassuring smile framed his features. “But this looks pretty damn cool. This right here? Exactly what ‘m sayin’, Don.  This is you.”

“Do you think she’ll like it...?” Donnie asked in a hopeful voice. He wasn’t just asking about the invention. 

“Course she will.”

~x~

A couple weeks had passed since that fateful conversation with Raph. He’d been in and out of the lab since then, but between patrols and the mandatory bathroom breaks, there was hardly a time he wasn’t working on his great new project. You weren’t even allowed to go into the lab, per his request, for all his time there.

However, he always made sure to make at least one movie whenever you’d come hang out at the lair from work.

Finally, one Friday night, the set up was complete. Pride swelled in Donnie’s chest as he looked at his creation: six symmetrically placed tesla coils sprung up from the ground and walls all around his lab space. The coilings wrapped around metal frames, spiraling into a beautiful arrangement of engineering, if he did say so himself. Mikey said it looked like the lasers out of a DC comic, which was also not a bad thing to be. He just hoped that you would like it. All of it was for you, of course, but over the weeks that he’d been preparing it, he found more beauty in the music of tesla coils than he ever had appreciated before. 

Donnie thought he might thank you for that, if he could get his nerves around it.

God, he was so nervous. Anxiety rushed through his body like the electric pulses he was perfecting. They were already done, but it was all he could do to distract himself while waiting for you to arrive. Maybe the frequencies weren’t in the right key. What if they sounded better this way? Or maybe the firing power wasn’t enough? Trajectory looked alright, maybe it just-

“Donnie?”

“Gh! Y/N, hey!” Stammered the surprised terrapin after knocking his head against the top of a coil. His goggles were on the setting of night-vision, but that didn’t account for night-spatial-awareness, it seemed.

“I got your text to come,” You tried to smile at him, but the dark laboratory proved to make that difficult. “How come it’s so dark in here?”

“Uh, well, that’s p-part of the surprise! Eheh. Gimme just a second-”

You waited patiently outside of his lab, vision still applicable, but grew concerned the more strange noises and clangs you heard coming from inside. This was definitely a whole new level of “Donnie Surprises” just by how nervous he seemed about it.

You yelped when his hand grabbed your arm and dragged you back inside the darkness.

“Okay, uh,” He started, before clapping his hands together for the lights to switch back on, “This is what I wanted to show you.”

Your gaze spun all around the lab. After adjusting to the light, you could clearly see giant mechanism after mechanism placed strategically around in a dome-like setup. Coils that protruded like round-edged spikes circled you both, and in the center was a metal cage. 

“Oh my god…” You almost whispered. A large grin broke out onto your face as you stared in quiet marvel at the scene. His plan was working, and Donnie lit up with an outstretched arm in presentation.

“These bad boys are called tesla coils-”

“Tesla coils!” You squealed in imperfect unison to what you assumed was the start of an explanation. “You made tesla coils, Donnie, holy shit!”

“You’ve heard of them?!” Donnie exclaimed, eyes widening behind his glasses.

“YES!” Your hands began to wave around excitedly, “Oh my god I used to be OBSESSED with these things! I heard about when I was a kid from that old movie, oh what was it, it was like the apprentice’s-”

“Sorcerer’s Apprentice!”

“THAT! Yes!” 

“I haven’t seen that movie in years!”

“Me neither! All I remember is that Hiccup’s voice actor totally nerded out and programmed his giant tesla coils to play music for the girl he wanted to impress, and it was the coolest thing because these giant machines were playing music, music out of nothing but sparks of electricity at different frequencies, which to be honest probably would have caused more of an energy problem than the movie suggested because goddamn do they take up a lot of power, but I was like six and didn’t care!” You laughed  in an energetic burst of word association, practically bouncing on the balls of your feet.

Donnie could have kissed you then and there for that alone. 

A grin crept onto his lips as he watched you ramble on about the movie, leaving all anxious thoughts to fall from his mind. For once, someone actually understood one of his passions. Better than that, she was explaining the process to him of all people! Sure, she was intuitive enough to know he didn’t need it, he literally had just built them after all. This was just out of pure excitement. Someone in his life was talking about science and technology like they were the most fascinating things on the planet, just as the purple-masked turtle believed it was. Well, second only to the ecstatic girl in front of him. 

“-And so, I randomly remembered it again not that long ago, so I looked it up and found so many videos on YouTube about it. I kid you not, I listened to tesla coils and tesla coils alone for a solid week.” 

You breathed heavily, a little winded after such an intense info-dump. God, he always loved when you got excited about something. 

“This is kind of surreal,” Donnie chuckled a bit, pushing up his glasses when they tumbled down his nose, “I had no idea you’d get what these were, much less have known so much about them.” Donnie’s eyes widened at his own panicked-fueled blabbering. “N-Not that I think you’re stupid! I just-- I mean it’s not-- common? It’s more of-”

“A niche interest, yeah. No worries,” You finished for him, signaling his stuttered words hadn’t fallen on offended ears. Donnie quietly sighed in relief. Time ticked by in seconds, but even that was much too fast for this martial artist to grasp. If he could have constructed a device to pause the fabrics of time, he would have long ago, simply to relish the moments with you that meant everything to him. It wasn’t your fault your eyes captivated him more than any element he’s worked with.

“So,” You began eagerly, startling him out of his thoughts, “Are we gonna listen to some zappy poles go brrr or what?”

Donnie snorted at your juvenile word choice. “Yeah, totally. Now, ah,” He walked over toward the large cage in the center, stepped inside, then poked his head out with a dorky grin. A large, green hand stood outstretched towards you. “I think you’d better step inside my cage.”

“If you keep quoting the damn movie like this, I am going to explode from excitement, and it will be your fault!” It was a wonder how you hadn’t caught onto his plan yet, honestly. You made no sense of hesitation before grabbing his offered hand (even though your hands were small enough that they hardly matched his palm’s size), and clambered into the cage in front of him. This was a great excuse for you to be close to him without it being weird. And now, with your back brushing up against his plastron, the butterflies in his chest told him it was totally a good call.

Donatello would take this secret to his grave, however.

“Put your hands on the rail here, yep just like that,” Donnie nodded after your hands found the safeguard rail. A couple buttons tapped into a laptop later, he settled his own hands next to yours. “Let the magic begin.”

Magic would have been the understatement of the year. A coil in front of you quickly shot out its first spark. Familiar music breached the sound barrier to your ears. The one behind you both caught it instantly. Spark after spark sent back and forth between the coils, soaring through the lab like the most incredible game of electric catch.

“Whoa!” You laughed when the sparks would bounce off the cage itself, pressing closer to the turtle behind you (much to his surprise every time). Your shining e/c eyes never left the electric bolts shooting out. “This is insane!”

“Heh, glad you like it!” Donnie watched you closely that entire time, more entranced by your excitement and wonderstruck self than anything he’d created. He could power up the tesla coils anytime of day, but this was a special moment he’d never be able to recreate in a controlled environment. This was no experiment, this was real and it was happening right now. 

The only thing left to do was tell you how he felt. 

“Y/N, I have to tell you something,” He began, stepping away to give you a bit of space. His heart rate was increasing by the second. The way you turned to look at him wasn’t helping, either. 

“What is it?” You spoke softly, somehow able to be heard over the music. Donnie could hardly meet your eyes, so he took your hands in his instead.

“I...I don’t know how to say this exactly,” He started, “I’ve been trying to do it for months, going over every possible conjuncture of words, something that would be heartfelt and honest, poetic even? But the truth is, words aren’t my thing, th-they never have been. I’m a science guy, I take things apart and put them back together again, I figure out what makes them work, I see life as a million tiny parts to analyze.”

He paused his quickened speech to take a breath. Your hands squeezed his larger ones as an offer to continue.

“And so, I’m...bad at feelings. I see it all as chemicals and components used by the brain to create action and reaction. But now I’m not so sure if that’s all they are, and really the only thing I am sure about is that it’s because of you that I’m questioning everything I ever thought I knew. Maybe, maybe life is more than atoms and chemicals, and instead it’s about..moments. Moments like this. Moments that...that I..that I really want to keep forever and play over and over again.”

“Donnie…” You spoke. This time he squeezed your hands.

“I know I’m rambling and I should really get to the point, so what I’m trying to say is,” He took another breath, steady this time. His gaze met yours again. “I want to live these moments with you every day. You’re special to me. You’re part of our family, but this is more than that, this feeling is-”

“Love.” You finished for him. Both of your eyes widened as you realized the other felt how you each did.  

Donatello nodded slowly, hesitant to be so certain, but knowing it was true. There were no more words to be exchanged after that, only actions, only movements so soft and gentle that the large terrapin was certain he’d break if they could fit in his hands. Your hands left his and instead reached up to grab the long ends of his mask, and tugged gently for him to reach you. He leaned down without a thought. A three-fingered hand found your waist this time. 

You kissed. Soft, human lips connected to his slightly chapped reptilian ones. The turtle had waited for this moment since he realized the attraction he felt towards you was not just powerful chemical reactions, but true feelings. It wasn’t biology, it was chance and fate and one-in-a-million all at once. As the sparks continued to (literally) fly, Donnie let his eyes close. This was the present. He was here, he was holding a great new adventure in his hands, and there was a brilliant future just around the corner. 

The song may have finished, but this is what would last forever. 

[imagineyourworld-old]

The Duchess and the Captain (Part Two)

Rex x Fem!Duchess!Reader

Summary: You get to know your husband, Duke Palpatine, and quickly realize what you will be missing in your marriage. Can Captain Rex make you feel better?

Warnings: Mentions of smut (maybe slight smut, I don’t really know, sex is not forced on the reader but expected of her and therefore might be triggering to some, but no detailed descriptions) 

Previous Part, Masterlist

-------

The next few days passed you by in a heartbeat. You spend most of your time getting acquainted with your new home, which wasn’t as easy as it sounded. In addition to the main house there was the orangerie, a small tea parlor in the park and two different gardens just for afternoon strolls. And of course the stables, houses for servants, barracks for the guards and so many other building you didn’t even try to remember.

“You really are lucky”, your mother sighed with a content smile.

The two of you were strolling through the rose garden behind the house, the smaller of the two gardens. It was beautiful, everything was well kept and every flower had its place, but every time you were here you felt out of place. Confined to your life, trapped like the birds that Padmé had told you your husband insisted to keep locked in cages in the garden.

“I will be sad to leave you, but I really do need to get back to your father and brother. Now that you’re happily married it’s Edward’s turn and finding him a wife will be a lot more challenging than finding you a husband, you know how stubborn he can be.”

Though you tried you couldn’t really listen to your mother. All she talked about was how lucky you were to be married to the Duke, how happy she was for you and how excited you must be to see your husband again tomorrow.

You let your gaze sweep through the garden until it halted at General Skywalker. The General had been following whenever you set foot outside the house, and even inside he was never far. The first time you met he had told you that those were your husband’s wishes, that he was only there to keep you safe, but part of you feared he might be reporting your every move back to the Duke. Even the smile the General send you could not easy your suspicions.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Finally your mother’s word rang through to you.

“I’m sorry. I’m just... lost in my thoughts...”

Your mother put a reassuring hand on your arm. You leaned into the familiar touch, a small piece of home in this strange new place.

“Are you thinking of your husband? Do you miss him very much?”

Sometimes you were sure your mother had to be joking. She must realize that you didn’t love, didn’t even like, Palpatine. And it wasn’t just the age difference, which in itself made every interaction with him awkward, he was just so cold. It was obvious he cared as little for you as you did for him and that might have been what bothered you most. You had been more or less forced to marry him, for his money, his title and because no one else had asked to marry you, but he could have had anyone. Half the girls in the country would have married him in an instant, so why did he choose someone he didn’t have any feelings for? Why did he waste his one chance at happiness and propose to you?

“I... I was just thinking that our marriage might not be as it should. We’re nothing like you and father”, you finally said, hoping this would both voice your concerns and not be too obvious about them. But your mother just laughed.

“Darling, that is normal. Relationships take time and work, your father and I didn’t instantly fall in love, but when you’re raising a family together and spending your lives together love will come. And you are so easy to love, it will be alright.”

You should have known your mother would not understand your concerns, she had never shared your dreams of marrying for love, of being swept off your feet in a fairytale like romance. Before you could pretend to agree with her, however, you were interrupted.

Obi-Wan came to a halt before you. He inclined his head in a small bow before addressing you and your mother.

“Your Grace, my lady, the Duke has returned and wishes to see you.”

At first you thought, though you knew it was wishful thinking, that he was talking about another Duke. Maybe one of your husband’s friends had come to visit and wanted to meet you for the first time. But you knew you would have had to face Palpatine, even if he was a day early.

“Thank you, Kenobi. Thought I would like to change before greeting my husband. If you would be so kind as to send Padmé up to my room.

The butler nodded.

“Certainly, my lady.”

-------

-------

Half an hour later you were sitting in the drawing room with your husband.

“I take it the house is to your liking”, he said.

Those were the first words either of you had spoken since your “Good afternoon” ten minutes earlier.

You sat your cup down on the saucer and smiled at him. A smile you hoped seemed happy and sincere.

“Very much, thank you.”

Silence took hold of you again. You refrained from playing with your spoon or the hem of your dress, two of your nervous habits your mother had told you a thousand times to drop.

You looked around the beautiful room. The curtains were moving ever so slightly in the wind that came through the open windows, one of your husband’s ancestors was staring at you from the huge portray above the fire place, his eyes seemed to follow your every move.

“I will only be here one night. Urgent business calls me away my estate in Naboo tomorrow, technically I should not even be spending the night and go there right away, but I suppose we should get to work.”

You turned away from the picture to look at the Duke. He was staring at you with an unreadable expression in his cold eyes, so cold and calculating, they almost made you shiver.

“I’m not sure I understand”, you said, hating how weak and uncertain you sounded. “What ‘work’ are you referring to?”

For a moment your husband’s masked moved as he looked at you in shock. You hated how he could make you feel dumb and inferior without saying a single word, but you knew it was not your place to say anything about that.

“I am of course talking about producing an heir.”

Now you couldn’t stop the shiver. You knew you had to give your husband an heir, multiple if possible, but part of you had hoped he would forget all about that part of your marriage after your wedding night. But you knew your duty and you had heard more than enough stories about women who refused their husbands, or even had lovers, and the terrible things that happened to them and no matter how much you didn’t want to, you would rather get it over with than suffer the same fate.

“Yes, I... of course. I am looking forward to it.”

Another cold glance from Palpatine and the very forced smile fell from your lips.

“It is not for you to look forward to or to enjoy, it’s is your duty.”

All you managed to do was nod. What else were you supposed to do? Where you supposed to answer anything?

Palpatine seemed content with your reaction though. He placed his tea on the small table between you and got up.

“One more thing”, he said as he reached the door. “I will be taking General Skywalker with me from now on, there were some... disputes the last couple of days and I will be needing more protection. Captain Rex will be your personal guard from now on.”

Without so much as a goodbye he left the drawing room and closed the door behind him.

With a loud sigh you leaned back on the couch, ignoring where your corset dug into your ribs uncomfortably. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths.

“It’s just one night, he’ll be gone again tomorrow”, you whispered, knowing that it might just be one night this time, but that your husband would always come back for more and there was nothing you could to to stop him.

“My lady, are you alright?”

You hadn’t heard anyone entering the room, but even without looking you recognized the familiar voice. Though the words were professional, the tone made it clear that Rex wasn’t just asking because it was expected of him, he really cared, at least to some degree. 

You opened your eyes to find his own focused on your face, an uncertain look in them, as if he wanted to step closer but didn’t dare to. 

“No”, you whispered. 

Abruptly you sat up straight again. Panic flooded through your veins. You were supposed to say “I’m fine”, not tell anyone, especially a guard, a servant, that you were not alright.  

“Is there something I can do?” 

Now the Captain really did take a step towards you. He wasn’t close exactly, definitely not as close has he had been that night in the kitchen, but you could have sworn you could see the different shades of brown in his eyes and smell a mixture of leather, horses and something you could only describe as sunshine. 

You shook your head. There was nothing he, or anyone, could do. You had gotten yourself into this situation, and not just the having to sleep with the Duke part, but the whole entire marriage. Though it had been expected of you, you could have declined his offer. Your mother would have been disappointed, your father mad, but they would have come to accept your choice. 

After taking another deep breath you decided it was time to get up. But for some reason even something as simple as standing seemed like an impossible deed right now. The Captain instantly noticed your struggle. He stepped even closer, close enough for you to take his hand when he offered it to help you up. 

His skin was rough, making it obvious you were holding the hand of a guard, someone who saddled horses and shot guns all day, but that roughness felt realer than any of the soft fabrics you had touched all your life. 

You knew you should let go the moment you were on your feet, you knew what this would look like should anyone walk in on you, but your thumb seemed to have a mind of its own when it started softly stroking the Captain’s hand. 

He let out a sound that was something between a sigh and a growl while tensing and relaxing within a single second. At first you feared you had overstepped a boundary, a personal that is, because this was without question overstepping any professional boundaries. Your eyes had been focused on your hands, but you slowly lifted them to meet his gaze. The Captain’s eyes were darker than they had been just moments before, but there was an warmth in them you had not seen before. 

“You know”, you whispered in a soft voice as not to interrupt the moment. “I feel better already.” 

And you really did. The guard’s touch and the warmth in his eyes made you feel more comfortable, more relaxed, than you had been for days. 

He opened his mouth, closed it again and then cleared his throat. His voice was deeper than it had been moments before and it made your body tense in unfamiliar places. 

“I’m glad.” 

It seemed as if he wanted to add something when the door burst open. 

“There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Skywalker needs your help, he lost something and keeps mumbling about how you’re his only hope”, the intruder, another guard you recognized as Rex’s brother Fives, exclaimed. 

You hadn’t noticed the Captain had let go of your hand until he took a step back. His cheeks were slightly darker than they had been before, but his expression hasn’t changed. 

It was only then, when the blonde moved away from you, that his brother realized you were even in the room. He shot the Captain a look you could not read, no matter how much you wanted to, before bowing slightly. 

“Your Grace, I did not see you there.” 

A soft laugh found its way out of you. You couldn’t help but instantly like Fives. He was more relaxed than his brother, though they shared a light in their eyes that told you how much alike they could be. 

“It’s alright, Fives.” 

The guard’s eyes widened in shock. 

“You know my name?” 

“Your brother told you a bit about you, about your other brothers as well. I myself am very close to my older brother Edward, so... Sorry, I... I should probably stop talking.” 

The times your mother had told you not to discuss family with anyone, especially servants, came to your mind and after already breaking protocol with the Captain earlier you though it best to be quiet. 

Fives didn’t seem to notice your awkwardness as his eyes moved between you and his brother, which you, on the other hand, didn’t notice. 

“We should get to General Skywalker then”, the Captain finally said, interrupting the silence. 

With a nod, a “Good day, my lady” and a bow Fives left the room. His brother followed, but turned around to face you once more. 

“I hope you’ll feel better soon”, he said with a smile. A smile that told you that he didn’t regret what had happened between the two of you earlier. 

You knew you shouldn’t, but you felt the same and tried to show it in your next words. 

“Thank you, Rex.” 

This time he heard you calling him by his name, the most beautiful sound he had heard in his life. But instead of closing the distance between you again, to touch your hand one last time before returning to his duty, he just bowed and hurried to leave the room. 

-------

That evening dinner was a quiet affair. Your husband barely talked, even though your mother tried her best to strike up a conversation. But the hardest part came after the meal when you had to say goodbye to your mother, who would be leaving early the next morning. 

“I will miss you so much, my darling. But you will be just fine, I know it. You’re going to be a great duchess and a good wife.” 

Your mother had tears streaming down her cheeks as she said this. She had the same proud look in her eyes as she did when you had accepted the Duke’s proposal and when you had exchanged your vows, after all, having your daughter marry a rich duke was every mother’s dream and her’s had come true. 

You told her that you would miss her as well, to give your love to your father and brother and that you would write as much as possible and then, after tearful hugs and kisses, your mother was gone and you were all alone. 

With tears still drying on your cheeks you sat at your vanity table and stared at your reflection. In the few days since the wedding you seemed to have aged a lot, not in the positive maturing sense either, you simply looked exhausted. Dark bags were under your red eyes, the colour has left your skin and even your hair seemed lifeless. 

“Pinching your cheeks should help”, Padmé offered as she stepped into the room. 

You turned around to face your maid. She was holding a candle in one hand and a piece of cloth in the other. Before stepping closer to you she laid the cloth down on the foot of the bed. 

“I have brought you a nightdress your husband wants you to wear.” 

The look in her eyes spoke of sympathy and pity and even though you knew she was being kind you resented her for it. If Padmé ever got married she could choose her husband, choose someone she loved and who loved her and not marry a cold old man because it was expected of her. 

“Is there”, Padmé started but hesitated to continue. Only when you looked at her and nodded did she speak again. “Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable tonight?” 

You took a moment to think about it but ended up deciding that there really wasn’t. You had already downed more wine than usually at dinner and it had done nothing to calm your nerves and in the end you decided that you would rather be fully present for what was about to happen than give your husband the opportunity to do whatever he wanted without resistance. 

“Thank you, but I think I’ll manage.” 

Call it women’s intuition, but both you could tell that Padmé didn’t really believe you. 

“Forgive me for speaking so boldly, but if you ever want to talk about what happens in the bedroom between husband and wife, or anything else for that matter, I am here for you.” 

In that moment you realized that just because your mother had left didn’t mean that you were alone. Yes, Padmé was your servant, but you knew other girls who were good friends with their lady��s maids, so why shouldn’t she be your friend as well as your servant? 

“Thank you very much for the offer, but I doubt there is anything you know that I don’t. After all, you’re not married.” 

She raised an eyebrow and seemed to consider something before ultimately shaking her head. 

“I’m not”, she said in a tone that made you question whether there was someone who held a special place in her heart. “But I have heard that some women think of other men when in bed with their husbands.” 

For some reason you didn’t want to investigate any further Captain Rex popped into your head. The feel of his rough hands against your soft ones, the warmth in his gaze, the sound of his voice and laugh. You quickly shook your head, both to get rid off the thoughts and to hide the colour rising to your cheeks from Padmé. Fortunately your maid knew not to press the issue any further. 

“Should I help you change into your nightdress?”

-------

You supposed you should consider yourself lucky that your husband seemed to be in a hurry to get his visit to your bedroom over with. He was in and out of your room within minutes. The time he was with you, and inside you, still felt like hours rather than minutes. The entire time your husband didn’t speak a word, not even a “good night” when he left again and if it hadn’t been for the noises he made you would have thought it was just as much of a duty for him as it was for you, but your mother had told you enough for you to know that the noises meant he was enjoying himself. 

As soon as you heard the door from your sitting room to the corridor close you hurried off the bed and to your bathroom. Padmé, as if she’d know you would need it, had left a second bowl of water and piece of cloth next to the one you used to wash yourself in the morning. You tried to clean your nether regions as best as you could before returning to the bedroom, where you covered as much of the bed as possible with the two clean towels you had brought from the bathroom. 

Though you didn’t feel as clean as you would have liked it would have to do for now and it didn’t take as much tossing and turning for you to fall asleep as you had anticipated. 

-------

The next morning Rex didn’t see you until a few hours after Palpatine had left. He had asked Echo to stay with you while he arranged for the General’s absence, but around midday he finally managed to relief his brother and take on his duty of watching over you. 

You were seated on a small chaise in the rose garden and Rex tried not to stare at how the sun shone on your hair and made your skin glow. Your eyes were closed and he couldn’t tell whether you were sleeping or simply relaxing, all he knew was that you looked more peaceful than you had the day before. 

“What were you doing all day? I thought you were supposed to always be with me”, you asked. 

Rex didn’t know how you could tell it was him standing in the shade of the cherry tree and no longer Echo since your eyes were still closed. For a moment he entertained the thought that you could sense him as much as he could sense you, but he banned that idea from his head almost as soon as it appeared. You had probably just opened your eyes for a split second and seen him, that had to be it.

“I had to sort through the General’s notes for training and timetables to keep everything running smooth while he is gone, that took a while.” 

You hummed in acknowledgement. Finally you looked at him. He felt as if your eyes could look straight through cloth, flesh and muscle to into his soul, and find something growing there you were never supposed to see. 

“I’m glad you’re here now, Captain.” 

The almost teasing way in which you pronounced his rank reminded him of how you had said his name the day before. He had heard beautiful instruments, stunning voices and the exoctic birds the Duke kept around the gardens, but nothing compared to how you said his name. To him it no longer sounded like a name, but a beautiful song, something to cherish, to think of before falling asleep at night and to haunt one’s dreams. 

Though Rex wasn’t what you would call shy, he was very reserved, especially when dealing with his employer, so he did nothing but nod at your comment and then stare straight ahead. He had already allowed himself too many liberties with you and now, as your personal guard, he had to remain professional, or else risk losing everything. 

You, however, did not seem to get his subtle hint, because you just kept talking. 

“I must admit, I much prefer the other garden, what was it called again? The rose garden is beautiful and everything, but it’s just a little too close to the house, I much prefer something more private. But it is too hot to take a single step more than necessary. I really don’t know how you manage in your uniform, you must be melting. Though, if you want, you could take off your jacket. Only if you want, maybe you’re cold, maybe it’s just me who cannot take this heat, but if you want to -”, you stopped your rambling mid sentence. 

Rex risked a short glance at you. Your face was red, as was your neck, and a single drop of sweat was running down your temple to your neck and even further down towards an area he would not risk looking at. 

“I’m sorry”, you said after a bit of silence. “I often find I cannot stop talking when I’m nervous.” 

He tried, he really tried, not to show his surprise, but his eyebrows seemed to have a will of their own when they lifted in confusion. Though Rex managed not to look at you when he spoke, a small victory. 

“What do you have to be nervous about, my lady?”

Part of Rex knew that this conversation could go in a direction it shouldn’t, meaning anything other than the most basic small talk, but another, larger, illogical part, wanted you to keep talking and to listen to every single word you said. 

Your shadow and your footsteps on the gravel told Rex that you were coming closer. Still he did not turn around to face you, not even when you stopped and stood next to him, close enough that he could touch you if only he moved a few centimeters. 

“Everything, to be honest. And nothing at the same time. I am married, living in a big house and should be the happiest girl alive, but it’s just not what I imagined. I feel so out of place, event though this is my home now, and my husband -” 

Rex felt you taking a deep breath rather than hearing it, your whole body relaxed after your exhale. 

“I guess I should stop talking now. After all, my husband is your employer and the only person who should talk about him even less than me, is you.” 

It was your resigned tone that finally made Rex turn to face you. Your blush was gone, instead you had gone quite pale. Only your bright eyes and your lips, the bottom of which you were currently biting, gave your face pops of colour. 

“Did he hurt you?”, Rex asked against his better knowledge. Yes, he was supposed to protect you, but that protection did not extend to the Duke, who, as your husband, was legally allowed to do with you whatever he wanted. 

You hesitated for a fraction of a moment before shaking your head. 

“No, he didn’t. It’s just... My marriage simply isn’t what I had been expecting.” 

Both relief and sadness flooded through Rex. Of course he was glad the Duke hadn’t laid his hands on you, but his heart was also breaking for you. 

“I suppose I was simply holding out hope for a knight in shining armor for so long that even now I can’t get rid of the idea. But that’s on me for reading too many books and wishing for a fairytale.” 

A twinkle was back in your eyes. Maybe, Rex thought, you were thinking of your childhood dreams or even a childhood love. And though he didn’t like the thought of that, a feeling he shoved down as deep as possible, he was glad to see some of your sadness gone. 

“I’ve heard of other women who gain their happiness through their children instead of their husbands”, he said in a low voice. It was something he had seen with his mother, who gave all her love and care to him and his brothers and didn’t seem to have much for her husband.

“Children...”, you stepped closer to Rex after whispering the word. Your (y/e/c) eyes settled on his honey coloured ones. “That’s the whole reason the Duke even married me, to give him an heir. I guess that really is all I’m good for.” 

Rex’s eyes widened in shock. Did you really think that? Did you not see that there could be so much more to your life? 

“I am sorry, my lady, but I disagree. There is so much more to you than the ability give the Duke an heir. You have your whole life ahead of you and-” 

Suddenly Rex noticed the way your eyes hung on his lips, the astounded expression on your face. 

“I... I’m sorry, it’s not my place to say such things.” 

One second you just stared at Rex, the next you reached out and held his hand in yours. A soft smile was on your face and just like that all his worries of getting scolded disappeared and were replaced by a feeling of content and warmth spreading from his hand all the way to his heart. 

“Thank you, Rex”, you said, your voice soft and sincere. “No one has ever said anything like that to me. You’re a kind man.” 

Rex had gotten compliments before, from his mother, his brothers and his General, but never had they meant as much as the four simple words coming out your mouth. He could have sworn his heart stopped at the combination of your smile, your touch and your words. You were giving him so much by simply being with him and he knew, deep down, that nothing he could say would ever repay you for the way he felt in that moment. 

I finally managed to continue this story. Sorry it took so long, but I wanted to take my time to do this right and with uni starting again time is something I don’t have a lot of recently. 

But a huge thank you to everyone who read and commented on the first part! It really means a lot, even though I haven’t figured out how to reply to you using this blog I have read the comments and they warmed my heart. I hope you’ll enjoy this part as much as the first one and are looking forward to part three. 

Taglist: @and-claudia @pinkiemme @callme-eds

[deepdonutkid]

Once upon a time in paradise

Author’s note:

It’s the second part from Buy me a drink and I’ll tell you why I need it. I hope you’ve read the first part, if not here is it. And enjoy reading!

The reader is still female and this part is five years after the first.

The name of the reader is y/n and the name of her partner is X

I do love writing modern!au… So if you have a request or an idea about a modern!au , send it to me!

Also, general requests are still open! You still can request a one short or a fan work… or even tell me which card you would like to see next!

THIS IS SO CHEESY AND I’M NOT EVEN SORRY!

Warnings: smoking, PTSD mentioned, smut, nfsw, drinking, alcohol, stealing, cheating mentioned, vaginal sex, oral sex

After that fateful evening, when the two of you met, you quickly became close friends. You hung out at the Garrison, when John had to work. Or watched movies together or listen to music. When John had some free time, you went with him to the record store. Sometimes you stole some Vinyl. With John, you just had so much fun. He could always make you laugh and cheer you up, when you’re down. Suddenly he didn’t was a friend anymore, but your best friend.

However, things weren’t always that easy. Time came by and John had to go overseas. As you had promised him, you called him as much as you could and you wrote letters and sent him little packages with snacks and cigarettes. John was always happy to hear your voice and when he read those letters, he imagined how you would say these things. And even when his brothers made fun of him and his little girlfriend, he always declared, that you were just friends and nothing more. Because nothing would ever happen between the two of you as long you still had someone else. No matter how much he loved you, he would not make a move on you, until you wanted to.

You were the light of his life and he would cherish you as much as he could, because you did not only help him during his time spent in service, but also afterwards when he came home broken and lost. You helped him with his nightmares, whenever he called. You walked with him to the meetings of group counseling and also to his therapist. Outside you always waited patiently for him to come back, so you could do something different. Even when he called in the middle of the night, you picked up the phone, because he did the same for you. After a fight with another gang, you would clean his wounds and he would call you his favorite nurse. Sometimes his hug was the only thing, that made you feel safe. His voice was so calming, when you felt like your world was shattering to pieces. You shared a special bond with him and you never questioned that. He was always there for you as you were for him.

But then again, you still were in another relationship and you should have questioned that relationship sooner. Your partner was nice in the beginning, so promising, it almost felt like love, but the only thing your partner and you had in common, was the band. Your partner bribed you into moving to Birmingham, so you could join his/her band. You believed in the band so much, you didn’t need to be asked twice. Your partner was the first person to see your potential and that’s why you rushed into this relationship without second thoughts. You were so full of dreams, that you did everything you could to make it work. Not just with your music career but also with your relationship. With the time you came to the resolution, that somethings should come to an end. You started to play just for yourself and maybe John. When you left the band, all things went downhill. Now you and your partner fought all the time, but you still believed that the relationship should not end like this, because you already put so much time and energy into it.

When you found out, he/she cheated on you multiple times through years, you felt so naïve. Without a word you left your partner, but then you realized that it didn’t even hurt. You weren’t nearly as heartbroken as you should have been and it was strange. Of course, you were angry, because the relationship seemed like a waste of time now, but it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would.  Then you finally started to question, if you had ever really loved your former partner. You didn’t, that why your heart wasn’t broken, it was never his/hers at all. It belonged to someone else and you knew exactly who that was.

Even before your break-up, you noticed that your feelings for John were much more intense than you thought. And you still remembered that moment, when you realized it. It was a quite night at the garrison. John wasn’t working there anymore, but he took two bottles from behind the counter deliberately. It felt like the usual get together, but it wasn’t. The Shelby had something to say and when you learned, that he would move to London to manage the family business, your heart itched like never before. To not see him almost every day sounded like a nightmare. Of course, you didn’t want to cry, but you couldn’t help it. All the sudden you felt like you had lost something, you never really had. John had to calm you down, but he looked just as sad as you did. If you hadn’t been in a relationship at this point, you would have purposed the idea of moving with him to London.

But now you were free and he would move in three days. You had to tell him. So, you typed a small message to him and you agreed to meet him one last time at the garrison, where the two of you had met so many years ago. You chose to wear that shirt he gave you on one of your first concerts together.

You were so nervous that you couldn’t sit still anymore. That’s why you went straight to the pub and were the first to arrive. It felt impossible to wait for him. Your heart was throbbing and your palms were sweaty. Every minute felt like an hour. The sweet relief came, when he arrived. Again, your heart jumped and your eyes were filled with joy.

“John, I’m so glad, you could make it. Moving out is always so stressful.”, you beamed

He nodded and pulled you in for a hug. “I would regret it, if I didn’t come to see you tonight.”, he whispered in your ear. His voice left you breathless and suddenly your face felt so hot.

Then both of you sat down at your favorite table, which was next to the music system and the dart board. It was quite for a while until John decided to get some drinks. Which meant usually meant beer, but this time he came back with a very expensive bottle of whiskey. You starred at the label. “Isn’t this worth half a fortune?” you asked.

With a grin on his face, he said: “Yes, but I paid for the bottle and it’s a special occasion, isn’t it?”

“special occasion sounds like a goodbye”, you complained: “Like we never going to see each other again.” You were so scared to lose him, everyone could here it in your voice.

“No”, he promised: “This isn’t a goodbye, I’m just going to live an hour away from here. You make it sound like it’s the end of the world. We’re still going to meet and drink and do all the things, we always did.”

His hand patted the back of yours and when you looked up, he greeted you with his heart-warming smile. You couldn’t resist but to smile back and the sadness slowly vanished.

John poured the drinks and said the toast. “Let our friendship never end.” You laughed and raised your glass, but inside you felt hurt. Did you wait too long? Maybe John didn’t had feelings for you anymore… or maybe he never had them. Finally, you knew, you wanted more than just to be friends with him, but now he upset you.

The whiskey didn’t make it better. It left your throat burning as if it would set everything on fire you probably would have said. But you still had to tell him. At least, you should inform him, that you ended your relationship. As your friend he should know. You wanted to reveal your feelings as well, but now you were so insecure about it. What, if he said he only liked you as a friend now? It would break your heart for real this time.

“John?”, you asked quietly

He raised his eyebrows and summed a “hm?”

“I broke off with X”, you finally manage to say: “He/ She cheated on me… Not only once, but countless times and I… I feel so stupid now…”

John looked shocked, as if he didn’t know what to think or say. He needed sometime to prepare how he could comfort you. “You’re not stupid, Y/n. X is just a jerk.”

“But how could I be so blind? X didn’t even love me. He/ She just used me for their own advantage.”, you explained before taking another sip from the whiskey.

He bid his lip and signed. “You deserve better. Someone, who cares for you and-”

“Ha”, you scoffed: “Who that might be?”

His heart felt like burning. Again, you pointed out his weakness. He cared so much about you, but he could never tell you. It felt so wrong, if this was the first thing, he said to you, after you told him, you were finally single again. As if he didn’t beg for this day to come. But things were so complicated now. He was going to leave town in three days and right now he just wanted to run away with you. All this responsibility was too much for him. And yet, he couldn’t open his mouth. At least not to talk, but he could drink, so he just did that.

“We should let this ruin our last night at the garrison.”, you declare: “Just fun and games tonight, okay?”

You smiled at him, but he responded with a speechless nod.

The rest of the night you did, what you always did. You played cards and dart and you emptied the bottle together and you sang along with your favorite songs, while John sat back and listened.

After all, it was great. Even if it might be the last time, you could be together like this. Here in the Garrison at your favorite table, with some booze and friends. Maybe next time would already be different. Maybe you would meet him in London and see his new place. Maybe the next time would be months from now. Who would know that? You just wanted one last night together, so you wouldn’t miss so much him, when he left.

When you stumbled backwards out of the door of your all-time favorite pub, you yelled goodbye to everyone. Without John, you wouldn’t come back here again. It would hurt to much, if his seat was empty.

You danced on the sidewalk, swirled around, until John caught you and gave you a squeeze. “Be careful, Y/n, or you’re going to kiss the pavement.”

All the sudden he was so close and you were almost drunk enough to kiss him. The idea was in your head, has been for a long time, but now you just couldn’t get the courage to do it. “You’re way drunker than I are…. Or is it than me am?”, you blabbered. The whiskey talked for you now.

Now, John had to laugh too! “Okay, you definitely had enough!”

With pure glee and excitement, you dragged him down the street and suggested: “We should go to your place. The night is still young.”

“The sun is almost up”, he noted: “The night is almost over.”

Your face scrunched, and with a pouting lip you decided to talk back: “Nooo, don’t say that, it’s our last night and it should be spectacular!”  

He squeezed your cheeks with one hand and said with great concern: “This is not going to be out last night. Did you hear me?”

You nodded as much as you could under his tight grip.

“I wouldn’t want that. I need you in my life, Y/n. Understand that?”

Again, you nodded… but then again…. You couldn’t say anything, even if you wanted to.

Then he let go of you and took your hand, as he continued walking. Silently he agreed to take you to his place. You knew that, because the way to your apartment was in the complete opposite direction.

It took you a while until you arrived at his place, but the night was quite and it felt like it was made just for the two of you.

You leaned against the wall, while he fumbled for his keys. With a sleepy voice you whispered: “Let’s have a sleep over. Our last time is so long ago.”

John froze mid movement. Slowly he turned to you. How should he keep his hands of you, when you were finally single and so clingy? Every time, you laid in his arms, he had so much trouble to control himself. To not just steal an innocent kiss. Now it just felt impossible. “No”, he answered: “I’m gonna get you a cap, as soon as we’re up.”

“Why?” was all you could say. It never has been a problem for John or you, but why now?

“I just can’t be with you.” His face was serious. Both of you were so quite right now.

On the outside you looked calm, as you kept asking further. “Why? What’s wrong, John? Please tell me, I’m a little confused right now.” On the inside you felt like dying. These were the worst words he had ever said to you. Your heart pounded so fast and it hurt so much you had to lay your hand on your chest.

He still had the keys in his hand, when he explained: “I’m sorry, Y/N… I just can’t pretend, that I’m not in love with you. Especially not now. And I should have said that sooner, but I thought it would be better to keep it to myself.”

You didn’t know what to think. A thousand thought came rushing through your brain.

“I’m probably gonna regret this later, but I need to get this of my mind. I love you. I’ve always had. You’re the most amazing person, I’ve ever met and I can’t deny my feelings any longer. And I would bit my ass, if I would have kept my mouth shut again.”, he added.

His gaze was so intense, it was almost scary. You couldn’t move, not even an inch.  

All you could do, was think. It took a while until the full meaning of his words unfolded in your mind. He loved you, even if he said it in the most horrible way. If he wouldn’t have been so repelling while declaring his love, you might have understood him sooner.

John didn’t dare to touch you, but he was keen to know, what you would say or do. Right now, you were stiff as a statue and he was sure, he ruined everything that might have been between you. Panic was building up inside him. He felt the blood rushing through his brain. Actually, John already started to regret his confession.

It only got worse. “Let’s get upstairs”, you demanded with a straight face.

He looked to you and then to the lock of the door over and over again. Somehow, he thought he had no other voice, but it at least you didn’t yell at him right here on the street for everybody to hear. You’ve always been a decent person and he thought the least he could do was to discuss this further inside.

So, you walked behind him though the dark corridor. You were right behind him, when you took the stairs leading to his apartment.

Finally, you stood in front of his door. He glared over his shoulder, where you waited for him to unlock the door. Something about him seemed so unsecure. It didn’t look like him at all. Then he dropped the key twice. You didn’t know why he was so tense. Of course, you were excited too, but you managed to appear as calm as possible, even though you wanted to rip off his cloths right on the street.

When he got the key the second time, he even hit his head on the door knob and mumbled several swear words. You almost laughed, because he has been ridiculous about hit. He cursed the knob so much, it seemed like mutual hate.

But after he was done with that, he could push the key into the lock and turn it around. The door opened with a pop.

He stepped in and hold the door for you to enter as well. “There we are.”, he whispered to himself, already preparing for you to shout at him, how he could ruin your friendship.

But that was not going to happen at all. John’s eyes widened as you kissed him. He wasn’t ready for your lips to meet his so soon, so he had to take a step back. In utter confusion he starred at you. “What?”, he croaked

It was everything he had ever wanted and now he couldn’t understand it. The whole room started turning. He felt like he missed something important, as if you reciprocate his feelings and he had just forgot about it.

You were too eager to stop now. Nothing on earth could stop you from rushing right to him. Again, you kissed him with burning passion and this time he couldn’t get enough from you. He pulled you closer and pressed his body against yours.

John wasn’t sure, if this was really happening, but he wanted to enjoy it as long it lasted. After that kiss a next one followed and then a next one. Your fingers slid under the fabric of his shirts as you tried to pull it up.

But that was too much for him right now. He couldn’t stand the tension and he was desperate in need to catch some air. Heavily breathing he pushed you away. “What’s is happening now?”, he asked

“I’m trying to undress you.”, you explained with a wide grin on you lips: “That is what people do, when they want to fuck each other.”

It seemed like he didn’t hear the joke at all. The Shelby had lost his mind, but after all a lot of his dreams started like this. “Is this real?”

“Yes”, you assured him: “Of course, I want you. Don’t you want the same?”

He stumbled back and braced himself against the wall. His other hand was running through his hair over and over again. “Yes, obviously, I want this. I dreamed about this a thousand times.”, he moaned: “But I can’t follow… what happened between now and outside of the house? When did you changed your mind?”

Then you laughed out loud. “Nothing happened. It’s a miracle that I didn’t hop right on you back on the street.”, you explained: “Why is it so confusing for you, that I want to fuck you?”

Now he was not only confused, but also a little angry. “You just told me today, that you ended a six years long relationship and now you just want to get things going with me? I’m sorry… Apparently, I got lost on the way.”

“Because I realized some time ago, that I didn’t love X, I love you.”, you yelled. When he could raise his voice, you could too. This was a game for two.

Now he was the one to be paralyzed. He just stood there and stared out of the window

“C’mon.” You had to beg him “John, say something.”

“I just need a moment.”, he breathed: “This is too much for me.”

Now you were really concerned. He didn’t look well. “Are you… Are you having a panic attack?”

Then he chuckled slightly. “I don’t know. I have never felt this way.”

You stepped to his side and gently patted his back. “Oh, baby, it will be alright. I’ll be there for you”

“Maybe you are…”, he whispered: “But I’m gone in three days. Why is everything so complicated?”

Finally, he managed to look you in the eyes. “I’m coming with you”, you promised him and you meant every word.

“Birmingham is just not the same without John Shelby, right?”, you joked: “But we have to find a new great bar in London.”

Now he was happy and confused at the same time. He mumbled: “You really would do that? I mean, your job is here and your things”

“Have I ever broken a promise?”, you asked and smiled: “Besides that, nothing is keeping me here anymore. My home is with you. Even, if you hadn’t told me how you feel, I would have missed you terribly and would have come to London, just to see your face. I just can’t be without you.” And that was the truth.

John had his answers now and he pulled himself back up. “Good, you’re going to love our new apartment. It has a great view and a balcony, so we can sit outside, if we want to smoke.” His thumb caressed your cheek.

“Our apartment sounds great.” You nodded and laughed

He laughed with you, but he had to steal a kiss from you. Now he could enjoy them just like he wanted to.

And how much he loved to kiss you. He had so much fun sucking on your bottom lip and then playfully biting it. You moaned into the kiss, when his tongue entered your mouth.

While his hands were discovering your body, you shivered under his touch. After all this time of longing to be together it felt like magic, feeling his skin on your skin. But you needed more, so much more. Again, you started pulling up his shirt, this time it was successful. Your eyes hovered over his bare chest. It was not new to you, but now you were able to see him in a completely different light. He was shaped like a Greek god and you wanted nothing more but to worship at his shrine. So, you searched the button of his jeans, to unravel him truly.

Unlike you had planned it out, John wasn’t going to let you proceed. “No, babe.”, he whispered: “I’m gonna take you first.” You couldn’t disagree with this smile or those tempting lips, which spoke so sinful it sent you to heaven.

One more kiss was all you needed, so you part long enough for him to get you out of your clothes. First your shirt, then your skirt and with a winner’s smile he opened your bra.

You wanted to hide your breasts behind your arms, but he dragged them away. “It’s so cold in here”, you complained.

He giggled and slowly went on his knees, kissing every inch as he moved further. “I’ll heat you up” His hands kneaded your tits, which coax the loveliest sounds out of you. Before he arrived his destination, he gave each nipple a cheeky lick with the tip of his tongue.

Now on his knees he tilted his head and your eyes met his again. It seemed so offbeat to see him like this. John never looked softer and more fragile than now. He had something in his eyes, like he couldn’t believe what was going to happen, but neither could you. His face rubbed against your belly. You could feel how the stubbles on his chin tickled you.

“Your skin is so soft”, he moaned: “Even softer than I had imagined.”

His sweet words made you smile, but this smile turned into a loud moan filled with ecstasy, when his fingers went under the fabric of your panties and dragged them down painfully slow.

The trace of his fingertips left you burning and longing for more than this. How long has it been since your last good fuck? Gosh, you didn’t even remember, but maybe that’s because John started kissing your center and every thought vanished right away.

Actually, everything else that wasn’t him disappeared. Step by step the two of you entered a bubble without even noticing. A small word which revolved just around your two bodies.

The feeling how his tongue slid around your fold was burning into your memory. You felt hot and cold at the same time and it was too good to be true, when he started sucking at your clit.

You opened your legs a little more, so he would have enough space to really explore your body… And hell, it did work. Before he even touched you, you were already soaking wet, but now you entered paradise. He had the keys to heaven and he let you in. Your fingers kept running through his hair, as you finally reached climax.

This was by far the best orgasm you’ve ever had and you weren’t surprised about this. Somehow you knew straight from the start that John was capable of that. He already brough you plenty of joy with his mouth just by talking, but he seemed to have a talent for eating you out as well.

A frisson of pleasure poured down your back and you were still week in your knees.  

His cheeks were still wet from your juice, but that didn’t stop him from coming back up and steal a kiss from you. When you tasted him, you realized, what you were doing right now. You had sex with your best friend and it was the god damn best thing you’ve ever done in your life. If you had known this sooner, you wouldn’t have waited so long to tell him. He tastes like a combination of cigarettes and whiskey and your pussy and it was so fucking delicious. You could kiss him for hours and be completely pleasant with this, but then he pulled you closer and his erection pressed against you.

Even through the fabric of the jeans, you could sense how hard he was and how bad he wanted you to touch him. So, you laid your fingers on the button and managed to open it.

His cock jiggled with joy. “You’re so hard already.”, you noted slightly amused.

“Well, I’ve been waiting for this to happen for five years, babe.”

And five years were a pretty long time. Suddenly you had a stupid question in mind, but you needed to reassure yourself. “You still want this?”

John wiped the wetness of his cheek and presented his wet fingers to you. “A little late for that question, don’t you think?”

You shook your head. You should have known and there was no going back now. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. This is just so surreal.”

“I know”, he laughed: “But there is no way I’m losing you again. You’re mine now.”

All the sudden he lifted you up and carried you to his bed, which seemed to be the last furniture that hasn’t been dissembled. The room was so empty, it almost scared you, but right there in his arms, you felt so safe and sound.

After he had laid you down on the mattress, he stumbled out of his pants. The grin on his face seemed to become permanent. You crawled over the sheets to him. He was so much bigger than you would have expected.

Very gently you kissed the tip of his cock. On your lips you could feel how he throbbed under your touch. Now it was his turn to moan. John titled his head back as you keep licking and finally sucking his dick.

You tried to get it as deep as possible in your mouth. Tears filled your eyes, but you were so keen to return the favor. You wanted to make him as happy as he made you.

Suddenly he grabbed your hair and pulled you away. “You’re going to make me cum.”

“That was my plan.”, you joked and licked him once more.

He whimpered and pulled at your hair. “Not until I’m buried inside you, love.”

Then John pushed you down and took his position between your legs.

Your heart started beating twice as fast. Nervous wasn’t even the right word for how you felt. Almost like exploding.

“Put it in”, you begged while he rubbed his dick on your fold. “Make me yours only.”

“How could I say no to that pretty face of yours?”, he groaned before sliding into you.

His and your moan filled the empty room. Now that you could feel him, you realized once more, how big John was. “Oh my god”, you whined as he started moving.

While he became faster and his thrusts became harder, he buried his face next to your neck.

His breath brushed against your skin. You could hear him whisper: “You smell so good”

The way he said it gave you goosebumps. There was something so raw and honest in his voice, it went under your skin.

Your hands hovered over his body and stopped at his beautiful ass. You had to grab it and pull him even closer. Right there he hit your sweet spot over and over again.

You rolled your eyes back.  The pleasure he gave you with every thrust was so good, it was almost sinful. And you would come back gladly every time, to sin some more.

John caught you by surprise, when he bit your collarbone and sucked on it.

It hurt a little, but you knew a dark red mark should be your reward. Now you became truly his and nobody could part you again.

By this time, you were almost screaming his name as he kept moving. The rolling drums of pleasure came over you.

After you came for a second time, John didn’t have to restrain himself and only minutes after your climax he reached his high too. You sensed how his cock pulsed while he cum. Now you were filled with his semen and an unsurpassable joy.

“I love you”, you had chuckled and kissed his cheek, before he laid down next to you.

He had a sweet smile on his lips and revealed: “I love you too and I can’t wait to spend every day with you.”

Tagging:  @bonniesgoldengirl​ @justalonelyslytherin​ @caelys​ @ysmmsy

[summahsunlight]

Perhaps It’s Fate, Part 18

Rating: T, to be safe

Word Count: 2031

Summary: After joining the Resistance as a mechanic, you were happy to keep to yourself, until a little orange and white bb unit and his master wander into your workshop one day.

Pairings: Poe Dameron x Mechanic!Reader

Taglist: @ms-dont-care​, @starless-eyes-remain​, @elmoakepoke​, @marvelobsessiononastick​, @kiaralein​, @softly-sad​, @totalpoedameron, @ordinarymom1​, @sevvysaurus​, @spider-starry​, @liadamerondjarin​, @jingyuhearteu​, @dream-alittlebiggerdarling​

It’s here! The next part! Hope you enjoy it. I didn’t get to proof read this too much before posting, I’m too excited for you to be able to read it!🥰 Remember if you want to be added to the taglist, just let me know!

Finn left you in the med bay with the medics and promised to go find Poe. You were concerned that he hadn’t showed up to hover over you and make sure that the medics were taking good care of you. Finn figured that Poe was busy, after all the Raddus was now attempting to outrun the First Order fleet--he was surprised to find Poe tucked away in an abandoned part of the ship. 

Poe’s head was cast downward, his shoulders slumped, with his face buried his hands. BB-8 was sitting by his side, every once and while beeping sounds of what Finn interpreted as comfort. “Poe?”

When the commander looked up at him, Finn was taken aback by his appearance. There was a dull looking in his brown eyes, he’d obviously been crying and he just looked--defeated. “Hey, you’re awake. How... how are you feeling?”

“It’s sore... but I supposed it could have been worse,” Finn replied.

“I dunno, buddy; you’re trapped on a ship being pursued by the First Order,” Poe said, tightly. “Seems like it is worse; we’d probably all be better off dead anyways. at this point.”

BB-8 moaned, sadly, his photoreceptor looking over at Finn. 

Finn stood there, dumbstruck. It was like the fire and passion had been sucked right out of Poe. “Are you okay, Poe?”

Poe chuckled, angrily. “No. I took that dreadnaught out to protect us, to save the people on this ship--and it didn’t matter. The First Order managed to track us, they killed my friends.” He sucked in a large breath, trying to stifle a sob, “they killed her. I just wanted to keep her safe... keep her away from anymore pain they could inflict upon her. I failed her.”

It took Finn a few seconds to realize that Poe was talking about you. No wonder he hadn’t come by the med bay to find you--he thought you had been in the hanger--he thought you were dead. “Poe-”

“Don’t tell me it’s not my fault. I’ve heard that enough already.”

“But Poe...”

“Finn, I know you think you’re helping...” “Dameron! Shut up for a second! She’s fine.”

BB-8 rolled back and forth in excitement, wildly twilling and beeping at Poe--who sat there looking at Finn with wide, shocked eyes. “But she was working in the hanger--the First Order blew the hanger up.”

Finn shook his head. “She wasn’t in the hanger. They couldn’t find you when I woke up, so they called her. She came to see me. We were going back to the hanger when the ship was hit. Poe--she’s in the med bay wondering where the hell you are.”

Poe scrambled to his feet, wiping at the tears in his eyes. “I didn’t... I didn’t know--I thought she was dead, Finn. I thought I had lost her.”

“She’s a little banged up, but she’ll live.”

“Banged up?”

“Yeah, she hit her head--but like I said--she’s fine, Poe.”

BB-8 nudged Poe in the legs. He couldn’t figure out why the pilot was still standing there--the little droid wanted to go see you. He had been sad just like Poe when he thought you had died. 

Poe suddenly snapped back to life, pushing passed Finn and heading towards the med bay with both BB-8 and Finn trailing behind him. You were alive; you were alive and suddenly the galaxy was aligned again--suddenly Poe realized the dire situation they were in.  If they didn’t figure out a plan soon, they were all going to be dead in just a few hours. 

Heart racing, he burst into the med bay, startling the medics and calling for you. Poe could worry about the Resistance in a minute--he just needed to see you first, needed to see you with his own eyes. When he came around a corner and saw you, sitting on a cot, asleep, his heart leapt into his throat. 

Gently he went to cup your neck and ease you into a comfortable sleeping position. The movement stirred you and you looked at him, sleepily with a smile. “There you are. I thought you forgot about me,” you teased him. 

“Never,” Poe sighed, tears springing to his eyes. “I could never forget.”

“Poe?” you questioned, seeing the tears. “What’s wrong?”

His arms were around you, drawing you towards him and holding onto you tightly. “I thought I lost you,” Poe cried, “I thought you were in the hanger when it was blown up and...my world crumbled, Y/N. There was nothing left for me to fight for, to care about--I love you.”

You pressed your face into his neck and let him hold you, your heart breaking at the grief he must have endured for the last couple of hours. If only you had known... you would have sent Finn to find Poe much sooner. 

BB-8 rolled into your room then, happy to see you. Looking down at him over Poe’s shoulder, you smiled. 

Poe pulled back, taking your face between his hands. He inspected the cut on your head, that the medics had done a nice job stitching up, and then he kissed you, tenderly. “Don’t scare me like that again, sweetheart.” 

“I’ll try not too.”

“Guess I know how it feels to be you now--whenever I leave.”

“Sucks, doesn’t it?”

He stroked his thumbs over your cheeks. “Yeah... a lot.”

You smiled, lovingly. “I’ll try not to scare you again.”

Poe pulled you into his arms once again, burying his face into your hair and taking a deep breath. He knew he loved you, he just never knew how much until he thought he’d lost you. The cool metal of his mother’s ring pressed against his chest while he pressed you against him. He was going to give it to you, when this whole thing was over--when they had found away to get to the new base safely. 

Finn cleared his throat; BB-8 beeped, reminding you that you were not alone. Softly pressing a kiss to your forehead, Poe pulled away from you. 

“General Organa is looking for you,” Finn announced. 

“Are you going to be okay, sweetheart?” Poe asked you.

“I’ll be fine,” you insisted. “It’s just a bump on the head.”

“Hey, Bee, stay with her okay?”

“Poe...”

“I’ll check in on you later.”

Finn smiled at you, awkwardly, and then leaving BB-8 behind to watch over you, he followed after Poe. Once they were out of the med bay and on their way to the bridge, he spoke. “You said that the First Order tracked us?”

Poe nodded. “Yeah... some kind of light speed tracker. When...when I left the bridge before you found me... one of our top mechanics was working on finding a way to disable it. But first, we need to get access codes and a shuttle to get on to the Supremacy.” 

His eyes went wide. “Supreme Leader Snoke’s ship?” Finn sputtered. This was very, very serious if Snoke had shown up. 

The pilot grimly nodded. “Yep. We learned that the tracker is generating from that ship, it’s only tracking the Raddus, which means the rest of the fleet made it to the next base safely. But we can’t jump to light speed and join them without the First Order following us.”

“Can you warn them?”

“Leia’s nervous that a transmission to them might be traced as well--I don’t blame her.”

“So... what’s the plan?”

“Once we know how to disable the tracker, we’re sneaking onboard that ship.”

Finn stopped walking. “You’re insane!”

Poe turned on his heel. “My dad jokes that’s my middle name.”

Shaking his head, Finn sighed, “Do you know what will happen to any of you if you sneak onboard that ship? Poe, you’d be executed. It would probably be broadcast for public display to scare the reset of the galaxy into submission.”

Placing his hands on his hips, Poe set his jaw. “I know that, Finn. It’s a risk I’m willing to take--it’s a risk a lot of us are willing to take. We might be the galaxy’s last hope at freedom, at restoring the Republic. There are a lot of lives depending on us.” He saw the fear flash in Finn’s eyes and dropped his hands. “Listen, I understand why you’re nervous. They took your identify from you--your life from you--but you’re here with us now, where you belong.”

-----

You wanted to get up; BB-8 ratted you out every time and the medics made you stay in bed. You were seriously cursing Poe for having his droid stay by your side while he went to speak to Leia. “BeeBee, I’m fine. Please, I need to get out of here. I’m bored.”

BB-8 firmly blurted no. You wondered if the little droid had ever said no to Poe a day in his life. You hated to just sit idly around--BB-8 probably knew that better than anyone. Of course, there wasn’t like there was much for you to do around the ship. The hanger was gone--all those people were gone. You feel the panic begin to bubble up inside of you as that familiar feeling of survivor’s guilt washed over you. 

Slamming your eyes shut you did the breathing exercises that Poe had taught you for when he was away on missions. Deep breath in, count to ten, deep breath out. Repeat. You did this several times before you finally felt some what calm. When you opened your eyes, you saw that BB-8 was still standing loyally by you, watching you closely. “Okay, since you’re insisting on staying here--why not tell me a story, Bee?”

“No time for stories, Bee,” Poe said, sweeping into your room. 

“What’s going on?” you asked, noticing that Finn wasn’t with him.

“We figured out how to disable that tracker.”

“Tracker?”

Poe recalled that you had not been present when he told Finn about the First Order tracking the ship at light speed. “Somehow, General Hux is tracking us even through light speed.”

You nodded. “Yeah, they can easily install one through a spy I’m sure--disabling them is the hard part--usually they’re heavily encrypted and can only be disabled from the Supreme Leader’s ship. The codes are incredibly difficult to decipher--when the First Order took over my planet I was forced to work on creating those codes.”

He smiled at you, his eyes filling with affection. “I told Leia you were the one.”

Confused, you looked at BB-8. “The one for what?”

“Our codebreaker.”

“Me? You want me to be the codebreaker?”

“Yes. Leia’s contacting Maz Kanata now--to see if she knows someone that can get us on the Supreme Leader’s ship.”

BB-8 whistled, lowly. You swallowed--you’d never left the safety of the base before getting on the Raddus, now Poe was asking you to go on a mission.

Poe saw the anxiety that ran through your eyes. He sat down on the cot with you and took your chin in his hand, forcing you to look at him. “Y/N, I trust you with my life--you can do this. And I’ll be right there. I won’t let them hurt you. I promise.”

Leaning into his touch, you closed your eyes. You had no doubt that Poe would protect you--with his life if he had too--but that didn’t make you any less terrified of the potential of sneaking on board the Supreme Leader’s ship to disable that tracker. And if you couldn’t disable it? The people on the Raddus were doomed. 

You felt Poe’s lips brush against your temple. “Darling, you can do this. I know you can. You’re braver than you give yourself credit for, you know that?”

“Do you really think so?”

“I do; you fled the First Order with nothing but the clothes on your back to join the Resistance. That takes guts, sweetheart.”

“This is our only chance, right?”

“We have a back-up plan, but yes, this could be our only chance.”

Opening your eyes, you set your jaw. “Then I’ll do it, Poe. I’ll crack that code to save the Raddus.”

[x0401x]

WHAT’s IN Interview with Jizue

“Darkness is too deep” in the TV anime “Hoshiai no Sora”, which no one could have imagined just from looking at its adorable art style. We have paid a visit to the world of the music that amplified its unusual charm.

These fourteen-year-old teenage boys, who are burdened with all sorts of pains and worries, get closer to each other and grow up through their activities in a soft tennis club. The TV animation “Hoshiai no Sora” is a series that aspires to explore real-life problems, such as the suffering of children who are abused by their parents or have monster parents, as well as LGBT issues, which had until this point never been addressed directly in sports animes.

The ones in charge of this work’s soundtrack was Jizue, an instrumental band from Kyoto, which produces technical and emotional, groove-like and lyrical melodies and assemblies that have a sense of jazz, rock and post-rock to them. Their music provides a freshness that was not present in anime music until now. Coupled with the individuality of the series itself, they achieved a collaboration between the animation and the sound, which remains firm in people’s ears and hearts.

Jizue claims this is their first time making soundtrack. We have asked the guitarist Inoue Norimasa, the composer of all the tracks, and the pianist Katagi Kie about the productions’ behind the scenes.

Raw || Index

A series of surprising developments… “What will this story be about?!”

――First of all, how were your impressions when you actually watched the animation of “Hoshiai no Sora”?

Inoue Norimasa: Before we made the tracks, the staff told us that “it will be roughly this kind of story”, so we had imagined our own versions, but it had a “darkness” to it that went far beyond our expectations, so to say…

Katagi Kie: Right, like the father of the protagonist, Katsuragi Maki-kun… He has a deep darkness inside him.

Inoue: Really disturbing things come with each episode. I thought that was amazing. “This kind of worldbuilding is also possible in anime!” I thought, and became intrigued by in it every week.

Katagi: When I was showed the key visuals for the series, my first impression was that it was a beautiful work. But when Inoue-kun showed us the soundtrack production’s order sheet that he had brought back with him to Kyoto, containing the images of each track that the director and the others had written, we found that there were many words expressing very disconcerting feelings in it. “What kind of story will this one be?” I thought. When I watched the broadcast, I was surprised that there were several even more shocking things in it.

――What was the most impressive scene to you?

Inoue: The most disturbing scene… Sorry for starting it with a disturbing one, though (laughs), but to me, that would be the flashback scene where Ameno Itsuki-kun’s mother poured boiling water on his back when he was a baby. It made me sad, like, “Don’t come with something so realistic in this age where child abandonment and abuse are in the news”. Another one was the part where they decide on new front-rear pairs for the club. I like the way it portrays Maki-kun’s genius throughout the episode. It’s also good that all the characters are adorable.

Katagi: To me, as expected, the most impressive one was the last part of the first episode. The one where Maki-kun says, “Then will you give me money?” in exchange for joining the club. I was like, “Eh? What’s this drama about?”. Like, “I did sense that some parts would have obscurity in them, but you took a full swing, huh!”. “You’re attacking so head-on!” was the spirit I felt from it.

Inoue: “Hoshiai no Sora” has scenes that definitely make people go, “Whoa!” in episode one.

Katagi: I think the fact that each character bears some sort of issue with their families and themselves also makes it a present-time drama.

――For starters, what was the cue for you guys to be put in charge of the OST of “Hoshiai no Sora”? I believe that you taking on anime soundtracks is already rare enough, and for you too, Jizue-san, it is your first time producing soundtrack, right?

Inoue: To tell the truth, it seems that when someone from the music staff of “Hoshiai no Sora” was having a meal at a curry restaurant, there was a Jizue song playing by coincidence. It all began when they took a liking to it and then brought it up to the director, asking if it could be used in “Hoshiai no Sora”. It was a fateful encounter (laughs).

Katagi: We, the other members, heard this story from Inoue-kun and were also surprised.

Inoue: Ever since then, the thought of wanting to produce a work that coordinated with the animation was always strong for us. So having our music accompanying the animation would be a great honor. Hence we replied, “Please let us do it!” immediately.

――By the way, do the two of you often watch anime?

Inoue: To be honest, I am not the type to watch anime that much. I have only watched what my generation did, like “Dragon Ball” and “One Piece”.

Katagi: As for me, on the topic of anime, I really like Kanno Youko-san’s music. Whenever I think that “this music is good~” while watching “Sakamichi no Apollon” and other such animes, it very often turns out to be the work of Kanno Youko-san. Thus, I am extremely happy to be involved with anime through music.

Being able to harmonize well with the animation even while doing something complicated music-wise is amazing!

――I believe you had meetings with director Akane and the sound director, Aketagawa Jin-san, regarding the making of the soundtrack, so generally speaking, what kind of orders did they request?

Inoue: Other than for the order sheet, there were nearly no requests regarding the nature of the music. On the contrary, the director told us that we did not have to think too hard about it. He said it was okay for us to show the colors as the band Jizue, so we could make what we wanted. We were very grateful for it.

――Jizue-san, even while doing band music, irregular time is your special feature, and the genre so-called post-jazz rock is strong in your music style. In the music scene, it is a slightly maniac and difficult sound. Strings are normally the focus when it comes to anime soundtrack, and using a band’s sound for anime aside from the ones that are about music is already rare enough, so the soundtrack of “Hoshiai no Sora” feels truly fresh. What kind of comments do the fans of “Hoshiai no Sora” send you?

Inoue: Every now and then, I hear people who probably did not know Jizue and people who usually do not listen to instrumental reacting to our tracks, and I am very grateful for it. As in, “even music like the one we make can be welcomed by anime fans”. Indeed, we do some pretty difficult stuff musically speaking, so our music might be hard to listen, but when paired to the anime, it can harmonize quite well.

Katagi: And this reminds me, Akeboshi-san made one of the “Naruto” ending themes (“Wind”), and if I am not mistaken, that was a five-beat song. Since we also use irregular time as our signature feature, I thought it was very fortunate that our band’s sound, which has a bit of a sense of misplacement to it, was able to fit into an anime.

――If anything, anime fans might be able to accept music itself more easily than music fans who are well-versed about the standards. After all, there are many compositions more aggressive than average J-pop in anime songs (laughs).

Inoue: I see; that might be it.

Katagi: If so, I am really glad that our first soundtrack was for anime (laughs).

Inoue: Also, when I actually watched “Hoshiai no Sora”, I had a strong impression that “they sure use the music very well”. There were many tracks that had me like, “So they used this track here!” or, “They’re using it for the opposite of the scene I had imagined!” but they matched super well with the situations on top of that, so I was surprised.

――Like having tracks that were made under the assumption they would be used for sad scenes show up in easygoing ones?

Inoue: That’s right. There were also times when I thought, “My piece sounds like a better track in this one scene” (laughs). Like, they thought carefully about the sense of volume depending on each situation too, and it made me think that the power of the sound director and animation director was incredible.

Katagi: There are also times when they use the tracks by extracting bits of them. Makes me go, “So they connected this and that!”. But they sound like a single track without any sense of discomfort. Lots of magical things happen there.

Things that a pianist would definitely never come up with!? A sixteen-note high-speed arpeggio.

――There are thirty-eight tracks by Jizue in the “TV anime ‘Hoshiai no Sora’ ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK”. Which one left a particular impression on you?

Inoue: The one that took up most time was “W -Hoshiai no Sora-”.

――That is a track often used in soft tennis match scenes, right? As a melody, it is the closest one to the original Jizue compositions.

Inoue: Yes. At first, in accordance with the order sheet, this track was split into four or five short ones to match the development of the games. But I discussed that I wanted to link them up into one track and make it into the flow of the game, from beginning to end. It would be great if it could be split up here and there and used depending on the situation.

――So this was the reason for it to become a long piece for a soundtrack, with three and a half minutes. What kind of developments were you thinking about?

Inoue: This is something that also happens when I go into the stage carrying my guitar, but first of all, when the characters are standing in the court before the game starts, I believe they are very nervous. This sense of nervousness is represented by the initial piano phrase that goes “dun, dun, dun”. From that moment on, there is the feeling that they get heated and fight recklessly, taking points and having points taken from them, and I wanted to expand this sensation with the hook.

――So this heated and exciting melody was depicted with a groove-ish climax filled with Jizue’s live concert energy.

Katagi: I also thought this track was very Jizue-like. Jizue has a variety of tracks, from mild ones to intense ones that reek of masculinity, and this turned out to be close to the strongest kind. To the point where I wonder if it is all right to play it in an anime (laughs).

――When you have been watching “Hoshiai no Sora” for a long time, you can get cheered up by the initial piano solo’s 16th note in the first arpeggio.

Katagi: That is right. This kind of arpeggio is also our strong point. We Jizue call it “dun dun phrase”. But it is a phrase that pianists could most certainly never come up with. Because there are difficulties in the fingering. This melody exists precisely because Inoue-kun, who is a guitarist, made it by pounding his fingers in, so it is always hard to play (laughs).

――Could you point out other songs that you like?

Inoue: I like “ickle”. They use it a lot in daily life scenes. The main point is the acoustic guitar, but we normally almost never use acoustic guitar as Jizue, so we redid it several times. We wanted it to be a gentle tune, so since it would sound a little cold if piano keys come in, we changed it to electronic piano.

Katagi: I like the track titled “euphoria”, which consists of nothing but a piano solo. The clear and loud Jizue-like melody matches the changing Inoue-kun-like sound, and I think it is really good. The invasive way with which Inoue-kun patches up the sound of the piano that I had played live is interesting.

Inoue: In the order sheet, “euphoria” had the keyword “sunset”. It is a sad track, but it is used for heartwarming scenes in the anime, and the fact that it instead listen sounded like a gentle melody left an impression on me. We positioned it as second place from bottom to top in the album’s track order, and I really like the way it connects with the ending theme (“Kago no Naka no Bokura wa”/AIKI from bless4), which is the last track.

――The resounding of the free jazz-like trumpet from the 13th track in the album, “sole male”, is quite impressive. The completely different taste it has from the other songs is interesting.

Inoue: I think this one was on the dark side of the order sheet. Katsuragi Maki-kun’s “obscure dad series” (laughs).

Katagi: His dad is quick to bring over the darkness with him, after all (laughs)!

Inoue: Hence why we had wanted to insert the unstableness of free jazz into it. We thought the only thing that would match it was definitely the trumpet. The one who performed it was the owner of Doctor Hasegawa-san, a tavern that I adore and Kyoto musicians love.

Katagi: It is a person who played a 10-feet trumped at a festival named “Kyoto’s Big Plan”, performed together with the band Insist, and is very much loved by the musicians of Kyoto.

Inoue: The melody of this track was also recorded after I asked him to “please play this line”, but his amazing ad-libbing quickly came about, so we left that as it was. As expected of him.

About the titles of the OST’s 38 tracks, to be honest...

――This soundtrack has jazz, rock taste, beautiful piano tunes and electronic tracks with interesting stereo images, so it is worth listening to it even as independent music, and when you listen to it alongside the animation, you are submerged into new sensations. I believe it has turned out as an album that can be enjoyed as a Jizue one and a soundtrack one.

Inoue: It makes me happy when you say that. This goes without saying for the compositions and performances, but we also obsessed quite a lot over mixings, so if there is anyone who became even just a little interested in our music from watching “Hoshiai no Sora”, I would like them to come hang out at our concerts.

――By the way, what was it that you struggled the most with in this OST?

Inoue: In a sense, what gave us the hardest time was… the track titles (laughs). We are an instrumental band, so we do not make lyrics. Which all the more reason why we do not want to give them meaningless names. As expected, coming up with titles for 38 tracks was a hassle, and since I was going through the trouble, I coded hidden messages within them.

――“Coded”!? Where have you hidden them?

Katagi: I also want to know! Still, although most of the track titles are written in English and lower case, there are tracks here and there with upper case mixed in them. I believe that is the key. By the way, how will people feel if they break the code?

Inoue: I guess they will be amused and happy. This is a message that I aimed at everyone, so please feel free to solve it. The day after this album came out was the one when the last episode of “Hoshiai no Sora” aired, and the truth is that we did not know the ending of it at all. We watched it with our heartbeats racing while thinking that we wanted it to continue for a bit more, so it would make us happy if other people could also watch it with their hearts pounding hard.

[nerd2614]

April’s Fall - Part 2

Suspicions & Secrets

Part One // Part Three

@write-it-motherfuckers prompt

Over the past three weeks you’d continued to have odd dreams about the stranger with glowing eyes. Every other night was a dream filled with incomplete visions of a distant past that never seemed quite real. For all the dreams you had, you had still not learned your stranger’s name. Whenever you had asked, he always told you that you would know soon enough.

Yet each time you met him in the dreams, you could never quite recall what it was. A name always dangled on the tip of your tongue, but nothing ever formed. Letters swirled around in your head, frustratingly out of reach.

You noted that each time you had a dream the once pure white glow of the rose faded slightly. Other than a hint of red leaching up through the base of the petals, the rose had not changed since the moment your stranger gave it to you.

The flashes of your initial dream were slowly being fleshed out over time.

A general feeling of happiness came from a picnic and being chased by a pale young boy. It came from playing games with him, with people who you could never quite make out the faces of. Deep laughter came from a kind old man with a circle of gilded flowers resting on his grey hair.  The white roses that the boy always gave you. The twin white roses the boy, who now looked 16, placed gently on what looked to be a grave. After that the old man didn’t see the two of you anymore. He was always busy. You tried but could not figure out who died. You only knew that they were important to both you and the boy with Autumn hair.

Out of desperation you asked the mysterious man whom called you his love. Each time he smiled sadly and shook his head. “You are not ready yet, my dear.” He claimed that you would not believe him. Deep down you knew that to be true.

And so the cycle continued. The harder you tried to piece together the puzzle, the more elusive the answer was. The most confusing vision was the one in which the pale boy turned into a young man with flaming armour, screaming at you, pleading with you to run. You were also clad in light armour and carrying a thin blade. You had no memories after that.

With the dreams came doubts about your grandmother. Since they began, you’d been  avoiding her as much as possible. It was a difficult endeavor as you were still under ‘house arrest’ in the small woodland home which the two of you shared. 

Grandmother was becoming suspicious. Not only had you been quite successfully avoiding her, you had also not drank anything she gave you. You tried to avoid eating anything she made too. While your behaviour was out of the ordinary, your grandmother could not outright say anything about it lest you start asking questions. Questions that she did not want to answer.

The more you avoided her and her cooking, the more your mind seemed to clear. You noticed gaps in your memory and holes in your grandmother’s stories. Anything before age 10 was completely gone. Large gaps in your memory were present until you turned 16. You couldn’t recall your parents at all.

The more you focused on the gaps, the more desperate you became. How could this have happened?

After three weeks of unexplainable dreams and feelings, you were in dire need of answers. So you decided that whenever grandmother went out, you would search the house. 

It took another week before you were left alone. You waited a few moments after she left in case she returned. After searching for hours, you found absolutely no mention of your parents at all. There were no pictures, paintings or even old diaries. It was like they never existed.

The more you looked around the house, the more confused you had become. You noted there was no historical books or anything of you as a child. Over the period of a fortnight, you searched the entire cottage from top to bottom. The only places you were unable to check were your grandmother’s bedroom and a locked door you had never taken notice of before. 

It looked to be broom closet. You raked through your memories to see what it was. There were contradicting memories of your Grandmother saying that it was a broom closet, a little pantry, a storage cupboard, a coat room… it was different each time! You tried to pick the lock but it was no use. You would have to go into town in order to gather materials.

With your mind made up, you decided to come up with an excuse to go over to the town.

That night came yet another dream. By now, you were very familiar with the room in the trees. The scenery never changed. It seemed timeless. Caught frozen in time and space. 

The man you saved would always be there; he coaxed you to remember. It was difficult. It seemed like there was nothing to remember. There was something in your mind encouraging you to forget.

It was the man who gave you an idea of how to convince your grandmother to let you go to town. As the two of you sat at the table, you drew a deep breath.

Smiling, you asked, “Can I go to town tomorrow please, Grandmother?”

She blinked slowly. “Why?”

You put your spoon down, “Oh, I wanted to get a few books.”

She copied your action. “On?” Your Grandmother narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“Nothing much…” You trailed off. Seeing that wouldn’t be enough, you elaborated. “I’d like some more cooking books.”

Grandmother contemplated for a moment before conceding, “Very well. Ensure that you pick up some lemon-thyme whilst you are in town.”

“Thank you, Gran.” You forced yourself to smile despite the bitter taste that the word left in your mouth.

“You may go at sunrise tomorrow. Remember to not stray from the path, child. I expect you to be back the following day.” She said dismissively. 

“Yes, Grandmother.”

It was the first time you’d been allowed into town since that fateful day in the woods and you were almost paranoid. You thought you saw the man in the woods as you walked the path to town. A flash of brown and fire. A rustle in the bushes. A sigh.

When you stopped for a break at midday you were certain that there was a voice calling you to wander off the path. You hurriedly finished your bread and continued at a fast pace to town. There was something wrong. You just knew it. 

It was late afternoon when you arrived. The first thing you noticed was that everyone was acting rather odd. When you interacted with some of the townsfolk, they seemed guilty and danced around topics. They had an overall aura of fear. 

Thankfully the blacksmith had some of the tools you needed in stock. He was quite suspicious and nervous about allowing you to purchase them. When you insisted they were to help you fix the lock at the front entrance, he reluctantly sold you the tools. They were exactly what you thought you would need to unlock the strange door. The townsfolk acted even stranger than they had been when you exited the smithy. Pitying, whispering, fear, apprehension, were all words to describe their behaviour towards you.

You dismissed their behaviour to be deconstructed at a later time and made your way to the little herb shop to get lemon-thyme. The old man in there had always made you feel welcome. You felt a sort of kinship with him for some reason. When you asked for the herb your grandmother requested, he looked incredibly sad and guilty. It was a similar expression to the one the old man had in your dreams.

“Take zis.” He said gruffly. ‘This’ was a small vial of a white swirling cloud. “Have it next time you meet ‘im.” 

You had to stop yourself from taking a step back. “Yo- Wha- I have no idea what you are talking about.” It was impossible to meet his eyes.

The small, sad smile faded from his face before you could look at him again. He pressed the vial into your hands. “It will ‘elp. I promise you.”

You were confused, but complied with his wishes.You bid him farewell, promising to see him next time. After you left he whispered a final farewell. He would not live to see your next visit, not if you did the right thing.

From the small apothecary, you headed to the small library. The sun was starting to set now, so you made sure to hurry. The old librarian almost always closed at sundown.

There was a new person that greeted you when you entered. He was pretty cute with his brown hair, blue eyes and glasses. But something inside you rejected the thought, was disgusted by him even. That little part inside you warned you to run. It kept niggling at you, but you pushed it to the side.

“Good evening.” He smiled. His voice sent a cold shiver down your spine.

“Hello.” You looked around for the old man but couldn’t see him. “Is there any chance that Mister -”

“He’s gone. How can I help you?” The young man interrupted. His smile was just a little too wide, just enough that it was unsettling. 

“I need some cooking books.” You conceded warily.

His smile widened further, as if he knew exactly what you were going to say. “Of course, Miss April. They should be over here.”

It was bigger than you remembered. There were many more rows to weave between. The library was more of a maze. A sinister feeling was starting to creep its way through you.

“Here you are.” He spun around quickly, trying to catch you off guard. You maintained the careful distance between the two of you. He watched over your shoulder as you browsed. After picking a couple of books, you hugged them close to your body. They were another barrier.

You looked down and mumbled a question. He tilted his head to indicate that he didn’t hear.

“Do you have any books on history?” You repeated, refusing to look up from the ground.

“Here you are.” He said, leading you to the next shelf.

You shook your head after reading some of the titles. “No, I mean factual history.”

Something sparked in the young man’s eyes. An odd emotion flashed across his face but he quickly covered it with a horrifyingly charming smile. It must have been a trick of the light. “Please follow me around to the back. We keep all those types of books in there.”

“Why?” I stepped forward and he turned his back to me.

His shoulders tensed. “I just haven’t put them out yet.”

“But…” you trailed off as he started walking back towards a slightly hidden door. What he said didn’t make sense. He hasn’t put the books out yet but they belong in the back room? Again, you shook off the uncomfortable feeling that seemed to linger. 

“Are you coming? You don’t have to.” He called from behind the counter. There was something strange in his voice. He almost sounded like he was hoping that you would just leave. That made you more determined to find out the truth.

“I’m coming.” You said firmly.

You walked through the door and 

- woke up in a bed. 

You shot upright, noting that the room was simple. There was a chair with a folded dress and cloak, the bed, and a nightstand. It looked like a room at the inn. You stood up and promptly fell on the bed when your knees buckled. The open window allowed a cool breeze to run over your exposed skin. Sunlight also weakly filtered into the room. You couldn’t recall changing into your nightclothes, yet that was what you were dressed in. As you reached towards your satchel, your muscles ached in protest. There were red marks on your wrists that disturbed you.

With urgency, you rifled through your satchel, breathing a sigh of relief when your rose was still there. You were deeply confused. Though you searched, you could find no clear memories of last night.

You clutched the rose tightly. A thorn pricked your finger and you hissed in pain.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this. Come with me, my love.” My pale hero whispered to me.

“How do I know that you’re not the one messing with my mind? Grandmother has been nothing but kind to me. Harsh sometimes, but that’s necessary.” My head was spinning. Nothing made sense. My wrists throbbed. He noticed and softly kissed them.

“My dear April, please.” He was begging.

I shook my head.

Startled, you thrust the rose gently into the satchel and held your pricked finger. Your heart was thudding fast. It continued its frantic beat as you dressed quickly and rushed out of the inn. You made eye contact with no-one as you hurried out of the town. If you kept up a steady pace, you would make it home by sundown.

Tags: @scuzmunkie @wordsaremylife @inuhuffclaw

[cillianmurphy]

ocean eyes

I wrote this small story a few weeks ago and the response @robertdowneys​ gave me made me cry so I am putting it here under cut. It is, obviously, based on Billie’s ‘Ocean Eyes’ (bold are song lyrics) and is my first piece of creative writing after 2.5 years, so if u have feedback pls let me know. It’s gender neutral btw <3 I am very nervous to put my writing out here and I can only hope whoever reads it, likes it <3

warning: extreme fluff, sad ending (death tw)

best read on desktop bc of post formatting!

-

I've been watching you  For some time

It was as if time stood still. Under the dazzling lights on the ceiling, also named the starry sky, you slowly moved throughout the crowd. With every step, people moved aside to let you pass through them. Seconds seemed like hours as you approached the person who had caught your eyes years before.  

Four years.

It had been four long years since your now betrothed caught your attention. You don’t know when your feelings for them had surfaced, but you did know they had your heart from the day you met them. For years you wished they would return the feelings you held for them. It was a drunkenness of the soul. You swore nothing came close to the feeling of being in love with the one person who would hold the key to your soul for the rest of eternity. An addiction was nothing compared to the feeling of being in love; it was intoxication.  

Can't stop staring At those oceans eyes

You don’t know why you fell in love with them. Maybe it was because of their courage, their loving heart or maybe that smile. That damned smile. Love works in mysterious ways and you don’t think you would ever know what exactly made you fall helplessly for your other half. They turned your dreams into reality; made your heart feel things you could not begin to comprehend. Your souls were tied to one another with a fierce grip, incapable of letting go of each other for even a second.  

As you approached your lover, you took a moment to take in their beauty. They were smiling gently, a smile reserved for you and you only. The tiny dimples at the edge of their lips, luscious and full. The lights of the ballroom glistened in their eyes; pinpricks of the gold above dancing in an orderly fashion.  

Those eyes.

They were beautiful beyond belief. The way the world reflected in them; you swore it made your knees weak. The colours of the iris mixed in the most exquisite way possible, caught your attention and pulled you in whenever you sneaked a glance towards your lover. It should be a criminal offence to have such mesmerising eyes, you thought. They held you captive and even if you were able to pull away, you didn’t want to. You wanted to get lost in them for hours on end.

And now, maybe now you knew why you fell in love with them in the first place. Their eyes were the windows to their soul, and they captivated you from the first glance, holding you hostage. They were the last thing you saw when you slept and the first when you woke up. When you looked in them, you saw forever. You sought comfort, love, peace in their dazzling eyes. They soothed you, words were rarely necessary.  

It was their eyes you fell in love with. And then the rest of them followed.

Burning cities And napalm skies

They held out their hand, waiting for yours. Slowly, you lifted your hand up to meet theirs and a shock of electricity went through your body. It was if your entire life with your fiancé flashed past your eyes. The good, the bad. Everything you had experienced with them, came back to you in the most intoxicating fashion. You remembered the moments where you woke up next to them, the peaceful mornings. How they dragged you off on adventures you could not begin to imagine before they took place. How you forced them to see the lighter side of life and stuck by them through the bad times, as they did for you.

Alas, life isn’t just full of good times. Like any relationship, bad times had fallen on you as well. Life isn’t always exquisite roses, sometimes it is thorns as well. Unfortunately, all love and hope could be ripped apart when you experienced just one inconvenience. It pained you to even admit it but you two had come so close to losing one another due to general stubbornness. It scared you, losing them. They were your better half, the person who had your heart and would own it for the rest of eternity. And you were theirs. You could not afford to lose one another, because once you did, there would be a gaping void in your soul, unable to be filled by even the most priceless of treasures.

Because they were your most priceless treasure, as you were theirs.  

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes Your ocean eyes

‘Y’know … all these people are staring at us and we both know we can’t dance.’

You scoffed at their words, but they were true. Weeks of dance practice had gone by, yet it was as if you forgot all you had been taught. In your defence it wasn’t your fault, you were just reeling at the feeling of your lover’s touch on your skin. The feather light touch of their fingers gently held your waist in place whilst their arm was snaked around you. The other hand stroked your cheek with the utmost care, as if you were a porcelain doll that could break at the slightest touch. Their touch made every rational thought within you bubble away and all you could possibly focus on was them.

Only them.

Nothing else was needed. Even in the crowded ballroom, it was just you and them against the world. Whisking you through the room, they twirled you away from them, yet you were still so close. All that time, their eyes on yours. Nothing else mattered. It was just the two of you, and that’s the way it was meant to be. 

No fair You really know how to make me cry When you gimme those ocean eyes

This was supposed to be a happy day. A happy day, without any feelings of sadness. But if it was so happy, why were you crying, your lover thought. Did they do something wrong? Did they accidentally step on your feet whilst dancing? Damn it, they knew they should’ve gotten the shoes that didn’t have a sturdy heel. Another tear slipped from your eye and they wiped it away with their sleeve, looking into your eyes and voicing the concerns they had, without words.

‘I’m fine, I just,’

An unsteady gasp crossed your lips as your chest shook. You were unable to keep your tears from falling. You felt yourself stop moving and warm hands placed themselves on your cheeks, their nose rubbing yours. You felt them wipe your tears away as they held you close. More sobs wracked your body and you shuddered in their touch. They were so warm, so why on earth did you feel so cold? Their eyes, those eyes, looked down at you in worry and you felt so selfish. They thought they had done something wrong when it was the complete opposite.

They could do no wrong. They were your angel, sent down from the heavens. Well, a faulty angel, but an angel, nonetheless.  

‘I never thought I would have this moment. And feel so loved.’ you stated, looking up at them. And it was true. You never thought you were capable of being loved in the way you were now. The insecurities piled up over several years and though you tried to convince yourself you weren’t what others deemed you, you couldn’t help it.

Unlovable, ugly, not suitable.

They had taken their toll on you and you believed everything they said about you were true, until you met the person who convinced you that you were not. The person who currently held your hand with their larger one, kissing your knuckles lightly, their eyes not leaving yours. Their eyes brimmed with tears, as they knew what you were talking about in great detail. They knew every insecurity; every worry, and they’d be damned before they ever let you think about yourself in such a degrading way again.  

Grabbing your sides gently, they whisked you away again. The two of you danced for what felt like an eternity, until you stopped. They pulled you closer to them and tried to show all their love for you through their eyes. And you’d be a liar if you said they didn’t succeed.  

I'm scared I've never fallen from quite this high Falling into your ocean eyes Those ocean eyes

Everything would be alright. The rest of the night was spent in a blur, dancing to the gentle beat of the music, and most of it you spent staring into their eyes. They soothed you, made you calm down and made you feel so loved. Who needed ‘I love you’s’ in words when the same message could be conveyed through eyes? Eyes were the windows to the soul, and you saw your lover’s soul glistening through their eyes, and it was blinding; intoxicating. Those eyes told you that, yes, hard times would come and go, but good times would outnumber them. They comforted you and made you forget your insecurities and doubts. They made you feel whole; complete in unimaginable ways. A cluster of a thousand stars wouldn’t be able to generate the light and warmth that coursed through your body when you looked at their eyes.

Their ocean eyes.  

I've been walking through A world gone blind Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind

Good times don’t last. Surely everyone knew that? Life is unpredictable and so unfair. There were a multitude of awful people the world who could’ve been taken away. People who were a disgrace to humanity. People who did not deserve to walk the earth.

So why them?

Why the one person who had so much love to give and asked for nothing in return? Why the one person who made you feel loved and whole? Why them? Why?

The day your lover died in a car crash, your world died with it. There was no reason to live anymore. You always selfishly hoped that you would be the one to die first. That way you would not have to feel the pain of your soulmate dying.

And what a pain it was.

You had heard childbirth was the worst pain on earth. Every mother you met confirmed this. But this? Losing your loved one; your other half to such a cruel fate, was it really less of a pain than pushing a kid out?

It wasn’t, you concluded.  

Because that pain would ease and slowly become nothing. Not having the person you were dependant on, to love you anymore, to help you out of the dark void, it was a pain that tore at your soul, ripping it apart into hundreds of fragments, unable to be repaired.  

Careful creature Made friends with time He left her lonely with a diamond mind And those ocean eyes

‘You know I’ll never leave you sweetheart.’ They once said, after you voiced your concerns. Your initial fears, that you were unlovable, had risen again and you had been harbouring those feelings for so long. At one point you were scared that they would see you for the broken person you were and realise they were wrong in loving you.

‘Promise?’ You sniffled, extending your pinky finger towards them. They laughed, what a beautiful laugh and nodded, wrapping their finger around yours and what they said next made you laugh at their fandom references, which were in abundance.  

‘Pinky promise meleth nin.’  

--

They lied, you sobbed. They lied. They promised they wouldn’t leave you but here you were, gaping hole in your heart. Nothing would ever soothe the pain you felt, for only they could, but they left. They broke their promise. Why was life so cruel? It was a curse to be left on this cold earth, so empty of love after their departure. Your soul broke in two every day and you tried, oh you tried to soothe yourself by thinking of the one thing that soothed you all those years before.

Their ocean eyes.

END

Note: meleth nin means ‘my love’ in elvish (hobbit reference)

[kenzierose53]

Promises (xiii)

HADESTOWN WON A GRAMMY! Congratulations to the whole cast! They deserved this award! I am so happy for the cast! 

- MaKenzie ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regaining my memories from my decision to come to Hadestown has been very emotionally straining. They are no longer dreams but nightmares. I know the closer that I get to coming home the harder they are going to get.

Persephone's unease has only strengthened the fear I had inside of me. She already warned me that the last dream is going to be the hardest one for me. She won't give me any hint as to what it is going to be but she said she wants to make sure she stays with me that night to help me in the morning.

My flower only has 8 petals left, not long until I get to go home. I have remembered my life with the poet and I couldn't be more excited and terrified at the same time to go home. I want nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms as he soothes all of my worried but I am also scared that he is angry with me, angry at the fact that I left him in the first place. I fear that he doesn't want me back. What if when I get back he doesn't want me anymore? I don't think I will be able to stay up top if he rejects me.

Persephone promises me every day that he will be overjoyed when I return but doubts flood my mind. I should trust her. I should trust the memories I have of the poet. He walked all the way to Hadestown to come get me even after I left. He promised to love me forever, even though he can't provide me the luxuries he first promised me.

The 8th petal fell from the flower as someone knocked on my door. Persephone walked in with a smile on her face and a bag in her hand. "Are you ready to go home?"

I thought I still had a week? "Don't we still have a week? There are still seven petals."

She smiled and walked over to the flower. "We do still have a week," her voice was playful. She seemed just as excited to go as I. "I meant in a general stance. Are you ready to see your poet?"

I didn't answer her; I was unable to form words. Nothing can do justice to how excited I am to go home. I yearned to feel the sun on my skin, to feel the grass beneath my feet, to hear my poet sing, to be alive again.

While I love having Persephone over for company I was confused why she was here. We had already had our meeting earlier today and I was about to head to bed for the night. "Persephone," her head turned towards me. "Not that I don't love you but why are you here? It's late, shouldn't you be at home with Hades?"

She gave me a sad smile when I mentioned her husband. "While I would like to be spending as much time with my husband as I can...tonight you will need me." Her eyes were sad and held a hint of fear. "It's time," her words, while short, sent fear into my heart. Tonight would be the last memory I would recover...the worst one. "I'm going to be here the entire time. We can do this."

I felt shaky, fear starting to take over but then I remembered the promise that I made to myself. I promised that I wasn't going to let anything get in the way of going home, even my fears. Persephone being here also helped put me at ease. I have grown to really respect and care for her. Over these few months with her, I have gotten to see that she is quite intelligent as well as someone who knows how to party. She is someone I can come to whenever I need advice, need someone to cheer me up, or someone to have a good time with. I consider her family now.

She changed into her pajamas and came to sit next to me on the bed. She shared stories about the things Hades has done since she has been home. He's really been trying to fix things with her and it is admirable. "Part of me doesn't want to leave him but I have a job to do. Plus I really do enjoy my time up in the sun...I just wish he could be there with me," her voice was sad near the end. She really loved Hades.

"Maybe you can see if he will come to visit you sometimes?" She perked up a little at this. "I'm sure if you asked he would come to visit you. You have him wrapped around your finger." I tapped her nose just like she has done to me so many times before. She laughed and pulled me into a hug. "Thank you for being here for me tonight," my voice was small. I was nervous about what was to come but I was ready to finish this journey. "I'm ready."

The tea slid down my throat for the last time. Part of me is going to miss this tea, it's always so comforting. Persephone laid down beside me as I drifted into the dark.

It was dark all around us. Orpheus gripped my hand tightly as Hermes approached us. We have been waiting for our answer. Was Hades actually going to let us go? With every word, Hermes said I felt my heart drop. He was letting us go but he can't look at me. One look could damn me to Hadestown forever.

I trusted Orpheus without a doubt in my mind. He walked all this way to get me, there is no way he would let me go now. Orpheus, on the other hand, looked terrified, his hands were shaking. Placing my hands on his cheeks I forced him to look at me. The look in his eyes made my stomach turn. He looked like he has just seen a ghost. "Wait for me I'm coming," I quietly whispered. This seemed to lessen the feral look in his eyes. "Wait I'm coming with you," we sang together.


The workers reassured us. We were all depending on Orpheus to lead us home. I knew that he could do it. Hermes came over and placed a hand on Orpheus' shoulder which caused him to jump slightly. "You've got a lonesome road to walk," he began. Hermes always was so full of wisdom but his words sometimes left me feeling uneasy. "And it ain't along the railroad track and it ain't along the blacktop tar you've walked a hundred before." Orpheus was hanging onto every word Hermes was saying. Unlike me, the words seemed to be calming him down. "I'll tell you where the real road lies, between your ears, behind your eyes. That is the path to paradise, likewise the road to ruin."

Hermes gave us one last smile before walking away. Orpheus had this new determination on his face that made my heart flutter. He looked like he was ready to take on the world. He wrapped me back up in his arms in a tight hug. He placed a lingering kiss on the top of my head before pulling away. We were silent but we knew that it was time to go. He gave me a nod before saying, "I love you."

Before I got the chance to respond he turned and started on the walk. He kept his pace slow so I could keep up. I have always had a hard time keeping up with him because his legs are twice as long as mine. This surge of determination flowed through me as I heard the footsteps from the workers behind me. We would make it out of this!

Hermes was right when he said this was going to be a long walk. My feet ached slightly but I couldn't stop. If I wanted to make it out, I have to keep going. Stopping is not an option. The silence of deafening and make me feel uneasy. There were times when Orpheus slowed down and I saw his head slightly turned. Those moments made my heart start.

He would turn to his song when the silence became too much. His music put me at ease but he still was super ridged. The glow of three lanterns surrounded my poet as he walked. The Fates have been whispering doubts in his ears. While I can't see his face, I can tell that he's slowly falling apart. I tried to call out to him, "Orpheus, are you listening? I'm right here and I will be to the end. The coldest night of the coldest year comes right before the spring."

My words fell on deaf ears. His voice filled the cavern, drowning out my own singing. I couldn't make out what he was saying, I couldn't get close enough to hear. His body was starting to shake and his head was constantly shaking. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair, a habit I know he does when he's nervous.

He must think that I left him again. I need him to know that I am here! I tried to get him to hear me again. "Orpheus, you are not alone! I'm right behind you and I have been all along." The light at the end of the tunnel. We are gonna make it. He started to pick up his pace and hope started to blossom. We are actually going to make it! I'm home! I quicken my pace to match hi. "And the darkest hour in the darkest night comes right before..."

My hand was reaching out to touch the poet when the world stopped. I gasped as he whipped around. We didn't make it. I could already feel the fates trying to drag me back to Hadestown but I tried to fight them. I was able to push them off for a moment. I just need one more moment with him. I'm never going to see him again.

"It's you," his voice broke my heart. Tears were streaming down his face as it looked like he struggled to breathe.

Sadly, I shook my head, "It's me." I tried to show him that I wasn't mad at him. It wasn't Orpheus' fault in the first place. It was my fault for leaving him in the first place. Slowly I reached my hand out towards him. "Orpheus," I tried to keep my voice from cracking but I failed.

The poet was shaking badly. He reached his hand out towards mine and I thought I was going to break. "Eurydice," the pain in his voice was enough to send me over the edge. I started to sob uncontrollably. The fates grabbed back onto me and we disappeared into the night. The last thing I saw was the poet running towards me, trying to save me. He fell to his knees as I was dragged away.

"NOOOOOO!!!!" I awoke with a scream. My body was shaking; breathing was becoming difficult. I couldn't see anything, my tears blurring my vision. We were so close...he must be beating himself up because of this. It wasn't his fault.

Persephone held onto me as I sobbed uncontrollably. Now I understand why she said this was going to be the hardest thing for me to process. A few more steps and we would have been free. The look in his eyes will haunt me forever.

He was so broken. My Orpheus the optimistic, kind, loving poet. I never want to see that look in his eyes again.

I am going to spend every second of every day making sure he never fears losing me again. I am only going to bring happiness and love to that man. Orpheus I'm sorry but I am going to fix this!

Wait for me, I'm coming poet!

[sweettoothshipperrotg]

Last one because I want to let other people give asks but... Supernatural AU! FrostedNature ??

Enjoy this one right out of the oven ;)

A cold sensation of panic settled atthe pit of Jack’s stomach. Where was it?

How could he have lost his coat?

He swore he had it with him while hesat at the café, but after that he couldn’t remember.

How could he be so careless? Sofoolish? North would be so disappointed in him.

To keep track of it at all times hadbeen instilled into him since the very beginning. How could have Jack forgottenTHE most important lesson that his elders had passed on?

He should have never come here. Heshouldn’t have left the safety of his home and of his friends and family.

They had warned him against walkingamong strange places and those who posed a danger to him. He was thoughtlessly temptingfate for things to take a bad turn.

Jack picked up his stride, notcaring about the passersby that turned to look around at the boy that dashedpast them on a mad sprint.

For anyone else, it seemedridiculous to get so agitated over a coat. But to him it wasn’t just a coat.

He felt vulnerable without it.

His lungs felt like they would giveout as he checked everywhere: the park, the street vendor that had given himdirections, the alleyways and narrow passages he had traversed.

Nothing.

His feet guided him towards his lasthope: the café.

The doors of the establishment gavehim a final boost for him to cover his distance in record time.

He didn’t crash against the green Frenchdoors by pure chance, but his hopes were dashed when he saw the place.Everything was locked and the people who had flocked in and out of the placewere no longer there. The lights were all off and the chairs were flipped ontop of the tables.

Even if he knew it was in vain, hepulled at the handles. One, two, three times. They did not budge.

With a long sigh he pressed hisforehead against the glass, trying to battle down the new wave of anxiety. Hibreathing was still ragged, the chilling air allowing him to see the puffs ofsteam.

“Sir, are you ok?” A soft voiceasked behind him, almost making his heart jump out of his chest.

A young woman on a thick parka wascautiously staring at him. Body language and tone indicating that she was readyto turn back running or scream her lungs out if he truly posed a threat to her.

Her brow was raised, and she’sholding her keys between her knuckles. A girl could never be too careful.

Jack recognized her as the owner ofthe café. A kind and lovely girl that had the most dazzling smile he had everseen on a human being.

His cheeks tinged red at the idea ofhow weird he must seem as a complete stranger banging on her door afterbusiness hours and looking completely disheveled.

Her green-gray eyes scanned him butsuddenly widened. “Oh, you’re the guy from this afternoon!”

Now his blush deepened for a wholedifferent reason.

He had been gathering courage toenter the café and talk to her.

Despite his confident (or cocky ashis friend Jamie liked to describe him) personality around the comfortingpresence of his family and friends, he was an utter mess the moment she smiledat him and asked what he would order.

He had no idea what to do as hetried to keep his stuttering under control. He had never had any of thesebeverages before.

She simply smiled and kindly helpedhim choose something he might like.

When she placed a steaming hot cupof peppermint mocha and a scone at his table, he was looking at her like shewas the most generous being that had ever walked the earth.

At first he had been unsure oftaking a sip of his drink, and almost spat it out when the hot liquid scaldedhis tongue. She had warned him to drink it slowly.

The girl came back after a while toask if everything was alright. After a couple of sips he found himself taking aliking to the taste, smiling into his cup as he took another gulp.

He had spent a while there;comfortable with the warm and relaxed atmosphere and content to glance towardsthe barista whenever he had the chance (he didn’t wish to make heruncomfortable, after all).

He had left after a while and walkedthrough the nook and crannies of the town, admiring the way it had grown from therundown fishing village he had seen from a distance.

It had become bigger, merging tracesof modernity but not discarding its traditional aesthetic.

Her café was certainly a pleasantaddition. Jack had seen her walk down the wharf before, when she needed tosurround herself with the sound of the sea and to contemplate on her life.

She was what had convinced him toleave the safety of his home.

And had it not been due to the lossof his coat, he would have never regretted the experience.

“Oh gosh, how silly of me.” Sheshook her head and relaxed her body and flashing him an easy-going smile. “Youforgot your coat on the chair.”

His eyes went comically wide at herwords. “Y-you found it?”

“Yes, I put it inside the lost andfound box in the back.” She assured him, noticing how frazzled he had been atthe idea of losing his coat. “Give me a sec and don’t move.”

She went around the back of thebusiness and disappeared behind a locked door.

Even though a sense of relief thatcame over him when he heard she had found his coat, a new fear struck him ashis mind started racing.

What if it was a trap? What if shehad no intention of returning, running into the night laughing and forcing himto stay?

He couldn’t return home without it.

Why was she taking so long?

His palms started to sweat despitewhat must surely be freezing temperatures, his entire body was now trembling –butit had nothing to do with the cold.

When the girl came out with her armswrapped around the long leathery coat and making sure it did not drag on thefloor, his dread did not evaporate instantly. The young man was watching her assomeone watching a large predator ready to strike.

He tried (and failed) to not give itaway, pushing down the need to tear it from her hands and run away back home asfast as possible.

“Here”, she handed the garment back witha relaxing smile.

Jack almost didn’t believe she washanding him his most valuable possession just like that. He didn’t have tofight, nor make demands for it…

Either she didn’t know what she had actually held in her hands or she simplywas that kindhearted.

“I’m sorry that you forgot itbecause you were helping me pick up what that asshole made me drop.

Oh…so that had been when it happened.

A rude man had brushed past her whenshe was picking up the cups and plates from the few brave souls that had sat onthe tables outside but were now gone, charging forwards without apologizing forbumping into her and making her drop the contents of her tray. In an instant hehad gotten up and kneeled down to help her.

She had profusely apologized to him(although the reason of why she feltthe need to do so, escaped him) and bashfully told him that he needn’t worry aboutthe scattered and broken plates.

She had quickly thanked him andexcused herself inside.

A smile had sprung into his face athow cute she looked whenever she blushed.

Jack left a few moments later,mainly due to the rather uncomfortable gaze of the patrons inside the café.

It must have been then when heforgot his coat.

“I’m Emily by the way.” She extendedher hand to go for a shake and he reciprocated her gesture.

“Jack”

She gave him a small nod.

“I have to go but it was nice to seeyou again. I hope to see you at the café soon.”, the sincerity in her voicefloored him.

And with that she turned around and rushedaway, waving at him when she turned around the corner.

He had been fixed to the spot,unable to shake the stupor out of his features.

His grip on his coat tightened,fingernails digging into the thick material.

Despite the chill breeze that hadpicked up, he felt rather warm all of a sudden.

Two weeks passed.

Emily felt a pang of sadness.

Although it was silly to expect tosee him again, that didn’t stop her from wishing to see a mop of white hair anda set of blue eyes walk into her café.

She didn’t know him but, god, hadshe wanted to get a chance to do so.

She couldn’t avoid the notion of howlonely her life was, despite how friendly her customers were nor how packed shemade her schedule.

It had been a feeling that had beenfollowing her for a while now, since she had decided to move abroad. And maybeshe should be used to it by now but, somehow, Jack’s arrival had made her want toshake off that streak.

From the very first moment, hisbeautiful eyes and his shyness had pulled her in. It was a strange sort ofmagnetism, but one that resonated within her.

That afternoon he had looked so lostwhen he stepped into the café, almost as if too nervous to move or fearing thatsomeone would scold him.

‘He’s probably not from around here.’,she told herself.

As a somewhat new arrival in town,she had been in a similar situation. She had moved away where no one knew ofher due to the strained relationship she had with her father.

Her mother’s passing had beensomething he had never recovered from and had affected the bond he had with hisdaughter.

Emily knew what it was to be afraidof being in a new environment, and she made it her mission to try to make thenewcomer at ease.

Her regulars often said that her conversationand her coffee always managed to make their day. She might as well put thatinto practice.

So she smiled and patiently guidedhim through selecting a beverage. She didfind it odd when he claimed ignorance of what coffee was, as well as the hoodiehe wore as protection against the cold. He wasn’t even wearing any shoes!

How was he not suffering fromhypothermia she had no idea.

Although Emily found Jack remarkablyattractive, it had not been his good looks that caught her attention.

The sweet smiles he always sent herway, the way his cheeks blushed when looking at her, and his shy demeanortowards her, made her think that he was the cutest guy that she had ever met.

It was a shame she probably wouldn’tsee that smile of his again.

With a heavy sigh, Emily finishedputting the last of the clean cups inside the cabinet; the back of the storehad already been thoroughly cleaned and prepared for the next day.

The sound of the front door openingbrought her attention back to the present, the gash of wispy wind sending ashiver down her spine. Her brow instantly arched.

She was sure she had flipped theclosed sign. Only the lights above the barista station were on as to give apretty clear message that the place was closed for the day.

“I’m sorry but we’re clos-”

She was unable to end her sentence.

Jack was there.

The very young man that had taken upresidence in her thoughts for the last couple of weeks was now in front of her.

“Jack…” Her voice was unable to disguiseher surprise, but a small grim was already forming in her lips. “I wasn’tcounting on seeing you again”

She was glad he had decided toreturn.

“I wanted to come see you…and talkto you again.” He looked down as a deep blush set on his cheeks, fiddling withhis coat. “But there was something… something important, that I had to lookfor.”

When he declared that he had been aseager to see her as she was, her heart skipped a beat.

“Did you find it?”

He nodded before approaching and placinga box on the counter in front of her. The box was quite small, the wood decoratedwith intricate and smooth carvings.

Emily glanced at him, not knowingwhat to think of it. “Is…is this for me?”

He simply nodded again, wringing hishands and looking like an unsure little boy. She found it unbearably cute.

“Can I open it?”

“Yeah. I mean, of course.” Jack feltlike his whole face was burning crimson.

She took the box in her hands, herbrain registering that it was light in weight. Pulling the lid, she wassurprised by hat it contained.

A ring.

A lovely piece if she was honestwith herself. The round cut of the diamond in the center was surrounded bysmaller ones, linked in the shape of a flower. The stones were set in gold andthe thin golden band had elaborate etchings on the inside.

She blushed, already beyondconfused. “I…Isn’t this…an engagement ring?”

“Well…We…We should get married byhuman customs as well.” He managed to choke out while awkwardly twiddling withhis thumbs.

“…What?”

He sighed and scratched the back ofhis head, trying to control his nerves.

“Have you ever heard of selkiesbefore?”

Emily nodded. She had a fairrecollection of the town folklore about creatures able to shape shift intohumans. “Yeah, but I don’t get what that has to do with any-”

The end of that sentence neverreached pass her throat as Jack quickly donned the coat he was carrying and…hetransformed.

In a blink of an eye the boy in frontof her was gone and in his place was a sleek silver-gray seal.

Now the tales from the old fishermenat the pub echoed in her mind.

Selkies were able to adopt humanform by shedding their skin. They were wary of humans because they could stealtheir pelts while on land and force them into staying. She had felt so sad atthis. No one should be deprived of their freewill.

“But, if you return them their skin,you’ll earn the heart of a selkie.”, had recounted old man Shalazar whiledowning his glass of whisky. “The act of giving the selkie back their freedomis the greatest demonstration of love, akin to marriage in their culture.”

The realization made her feellightheaded.

The gray coat he had carried thatday…the one he had left behind and had him in such a panic at the idea oflosing it…

‘Oh god’, Emily stared at the pairof black eyes that were now staring back at her with such intelligence behindthem. ‘I accidentally married a mythological creature because I returned themtheir coat’.

Well…her night certainly was goingto get interesting from this point onwards.

*****

Tada! *jazz hands*

Inspired on this little nugget I found while searching for inspiration.

Hope you liked it, and don’t hesitate to send me asks if you want me to write something for you

[mellenwood]

Deprivation in Writing: Extended Edition

In class we watched an interview with William Maxwell, who wrote So Long, See You Tomorrow and many other works. The interviewer asked him what he thinks makes a good writer. His response is what struck me. “Deprivation or some loss makes a good writer.”

As a young boy William lost his mother and he drew from that in writing So Long, See You Tomorrow. He writes about a young boy who loses his mother and the pain that came with it. He explains how the shine goes out of everything (Maxwell, 1996, pg. 7). The boy’s father remarries, which also parallels with Maxwell’s life. The book turns to a different family and their story and takes on the point of view of many other characters. In his interview, Maxwell went on to explain that he couldn’t put his life back together or the way it was before, so he put it together in the pages of a book.

There is a lot of inspiration to be drawn from with deprivation or loss.  As an amateur writer, I often think of writing about what I have lost to make sense of it. On one hand, I know there is a goldmine of information in my head about it, but on the other, I am terrified of all the feelings that I have buried will come back up. It is seldom that it gets brought up and I don’t cry or at least feel like I am about to. It took me a long time to even acknowledge that it was a part of my story, and I still do not like to bring it up or talk about it. In fact, not many of my college friends know about it, but here it goes.  

When I was in the 7th grade my aunt was diagnosed with Stage III-C ovarian cancer, it was absolutely devastating. She had surgery and they got most of it. That kind of cancer is hard to get all of it, so the doctors did the best they could. It created a layer on the organs but doesn’t show up on MRI’s until there was a lot. She would have about a year without chemo, but then something would pop up on the scans. About two months after that my grandma was diagnosed with Stage III-C breast cancer. She also underwent surgery which was labeled as successful. My grandma was about 3 months short of being in remission when it came back in her bones. More surgeries and more rounds of chemo later, they were doing as okay as possible. Then came the five-year mark from the fateful diagnosis day, and cancer reared its ugly head and came back with vengeance.

It was my senior year of high school when it attacked my grandma’s brain and took her from reality to some alternate world. I was the only one who could comfort her when she became afraid or unsure of what was happening. Many nights were spent at her house helping my grandpa and staying up with her till she fell asleep. She fought though, until the very end. I will never deny that fact, but on September 30, 2016 the cancer won. The cancer attacked my aunt’s organs and stomach lining. She was tired all the time and didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. She was the most gracious, servant’s hearted person I have ever known. She was in the hospital at the very end because she couldn’t eat or swallow. She fought too, however, on November 14, 2016, it beat her too.

I unfortunately, do not remember most of my senior year because I was just trying to get through it and make my grandma as comfortable as possible. I just wanted to graduate, finish my senior year, and be done with it all. My brother was the only one who truly understood what I was going through, yet we never talked about anything. We just had a mutual understanding of being there for one another. My friends and teachers tried to help with their words of comfort, but when grieving those words fall flat. Reading books really helped me, I specifically remember reading The Fault in Our Stars by John Green at least 5 times during my senior year. It was the only book that touched on the topic that was realistic, which helped me work through some feelings. Another thing I also remember is going to the gym a lot with my volleyball coach and just hitting balls over the net on repeat and shooting hoops with my brother. No talking just leaving it all on the court. The adrenaline helped me have bursts of happiness and it got out all of my stress and anger.  

Not everything about my senior year was totally crappy. I started dating my now husband in 2017, who came into my life at the perfect time. I also got accepted to Bethel and was able to tell my grandma and aunt, had the first winning season in girls’ basketball in the history of the school, and most importantly, started healing. Looking back now it is still really hard, but I am in a much happier place. As my mom says, I got my laugh back. Sure, things still come up that make me think of them like coconut or pina colada scented lotions or hand sanitizers, or the smell of a wood-burning heater, but it is mostly happy memories of them.

Another the reason I connected with So Long, See You Tomorrow was when Maxwell was describing how the boy felt when his mother died. “The worst that could happen had happened, the shine went out of everything” (Maxwell, 1996, pg. 7). This described how I felt when I lost my grandma and aunt perfectly. They were some of the most influential women in my life and I did not know how to go on without them by my side. The world seemed to stop turning and everything came crashing down. The shine going out is the best description that I have come across to describe how it truly feels to lose someone close to you.

When the boy’s father tells him he is going to remarry, he was as gentle as possible (Maxwell, 1996, pg. 15). This is how my grandfather was with me when he told me he was going to remarry. I was coming home from a blueberry festival in Marshall, Michigan when I got the phone call. He asked me to come over whenever I got back. I did not know what to expect when I arrived. My grandpa was nervous when he was telling me, unsure of how I would react when he told me the news. I took the news as best as can be expected. I was happy for him, but also sad. I understood that he wanted to be happy and move on, but it seemed fast. In October of 2017, he got married. The wedding was really hard. I could see how happy he was, but I couldn’t help but remember my grandma. It was hard for Sharon’s kids too. They lost their dad and seeing her remarry was difficult for them also. Sharon did not force herself onto us as our grandma. She understood that she was not replacing our grandma. She actually makes sure that we are invited to family events and makes sure that we are doing well. She was just there for us if we needed much like the boy’s stepmother (Maxwell, 1996, pg. 16).

Now that I put most of what I went through on paper, I do feel a lot better like it is off of my chest. It is hard to get started when writing about these experiences, but once I started the words just kept flowing out of me. Writing this has helped me put my life back together in some ways similar to how Maxwell described his reason for writing. I have all of the facts out there so now it is just the emotions which are a lot harder to write. Not only because it’s a lot of description but also because I have not processed all of them yet. I have to agree with William Maxwell, if writers didn’t have any loss at some point in their lives, their books would fall flat. They wouldn’t connect with the readers because it would seem fake. Readers can tell when an author is trying too hard to make something meaningful. They want authenticity.

Everyone experiences some sort of deprivation at least some point in their lives. It is a human thing to experience. Writers feel grief deeper and use it to draw inspiration rather than wallow in self-pity and let it consume them. Although happiness is generally the preferred emotion, grief or loss is what fuels us to write something meaningful.

[distant-rose]

Seal of Fate Ch. 1 (2/8)

Notes: I actually love this chapter a lot for all of the wrong reasons, mainly because I’m kinda turning this entire selkie thing on its head. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Please note there is a lot of discussion on the icky side of the male selkie myths which I find problematic and have decided to voice here. So, yeah, there’s talk of dubious consent and sexual harassment but nothing overtly triggering in my opinion. A special thank you to @aerica13​ who is my amazing beta and a godsend because I’m shit at editing my own work. Also a thank you to @shireness-says​ and @katie-dub​ for being my cheerleaders. I really appreciate you guys. Also a special thanks to @cssns​ and @drowned-dreamer​ for making my CS Supernatural Summer pretty epic. Kerry did an amazing job making me art for this story. Check it out below! It’s absolutely gorgeous and unfortunately the kiss in this chapter isn’t as romantic but we’ll get there. Summary: Emma Swan is looking for only one thing - answers. Abandoned outside a police station in Menemsha, Martha’s Vineyard, Emma has dedicated her life to finding out where she comes from and why she was given away. She finds an unlikely partner in Killian, a selkie she inadvertently summons in a fit of frustration over her cold case. Word Count: 4,600+ Chapters: Prologue | One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Epilogue Rating: T+

Emma hated the Vineyard. Though she wasn’t a people person, she preferred the anonymity that came with living in the city and the phenomena of being alone without actually being alone. It was easy to lose yourself in the hustle of the city, to turn your brain off and just walk aimlessly until you found something to distract you from the world for a while. There was no word to describe Menemsha except empty and she could feel that emptiness echoing inside her. While she had found some sort of companionship in Ruby whenever she went to the diner, it never went beyond casual conversation. Emma wasn’t necessarily looking for friendship - she was a loner by nature - but she found she couldn’t lose herself in Menemsha the same way she lost herself in Tallahassee, Boston and Portland. The silence of the village amplified the violence of her thoughts and her mind had become a torturous reel of her darkest moments. She couldn’t sleep with the echoes of the loud piercing shriek of a baby she would never hold, the compassionless voices of police officers reading her Miranda rights and the false platitudes of the countless foster parents who gave her away ringing in her ears. Normally when her demons came to bite her in the ass, Emma would throw herself into work but she found no solace in researching on her own case.

Emma knew when she decided to finally look into her own case that it was going to be a difficult and thankless job. She knew that it was possible that her attempts to unearth the truth of her past might end in disappointment and failure. It was a fact that hung over her head like guillotine. She had been born into an era before computers and in an age where social services was less than careful in their documentation. It was possible that what she was looking for didn’t exist or, even worse, had been destroyed.

Menemsha was a small village and technically a part of the town of Chilmark. Though it had a police station, it did not have a town hall, a library or even a post office. Rather, Memensha had more restaurants that it needed, a fish market, one bed and breakfast, a general store and an art gallery that belonged to the Mills family. The more essential amenities were located in Chilmark which was a twenty-five minute trip by car. Normally such a distance wasn’t such a bother to her but when gas was five dollars per gallon, Emma couldn’t help but be a little resentful of it. Though, the librarian at the Chilmark Free Public Library had been helpful and had campaigned on her behalf to give her access to the archives in the Town Office.

Emma had nearly cried when she saw the state of the archives. She didn’t have high expectations to begin with but it was literally a hundred boxes of old documents that had been shoved carelessly into a musty basement to be forgotten about. On top of the distant lack of organisation, there was obvious water and mold damages to some of the boxes which made her nervous at the state of which actual documents inside were in.

It took her more time than she would have liked to go through all the boxes and pick out all the files marked 1983 but once she was able, she was left with four boxes out of the bunch. She didn’t bother asking for permission when she loaded them up into her car. It wasn’t worth the headache and Emma strongly suspected that they wouldn’t be missed considering the state of the archive.

Nearly a week into her time in Martha’s Vineyard, Emma found what she was looking for.

Or so she thought.

Her heart nearly stopped when she found the thin file that had been marked with the her case number. It was covered in watermarks and already she could feel her optimism fade away as she noted how thin it was. There couldn’t have been more than a few documents in it.

The sight of her Chapter 46 Section 1A certificate was nothing new. The documentation that marked her as an abandoned child had long since been in her possession and she was still fighting with the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families for them to release documents made by her social worker in regard to the circumstances around her initial adoption. Despite the fact they were nearly thirty years old, the Department had a tight hold on them and wasn’t at all sympathetic to her cause.

Aside from her foundling certificate, there was only the police report. It wasn’t a long one but it was written in messy shorthand that seemed to convey the officer’s disinterest just as clearly as his words. Under the description section, they had written: “Just another unwanted souvenir most likely left behind by one of the fishing boats coming in from down south. No point in interviewing them, they’ll just deny it anyway.”

She read the lines over and over until her eyes blurred over, breath shortening and skin feeling too tight over her bones. Suddenly, Ruby’s house which had felt too big before now felt suffocating. Every cell in her body was screaming at her to run.

Without bothering to put on her shoes or her coat, she sprinted out of the house and ran out onto the beach. She stumbled when her feet hit the sand, entirely unfamiliar with the sensation and lack of give. She collapsed along the shore line, pressing a hand to her throat and vomiting into surf.

When she was finished, she stared out at the ocean, trying to calm herself. It was nearly dusk and there was no one around to witness her hysteria, something which Emma was incredibly thankful for. She didn’t need her nosy neighbors to witness her existential crisis.

As her panic attack subdued, Emma closed her eyes and reviewed once more in her mind the callous words on the police report.

An unwanted souvenir.

The term brought tears to her eyes once more. She had to bite her lip to keep back the scream that was burning her throat. She couldn’t remember the name of the man who had written the report, only his words, but she had never felt such an intense hatred for another human being before, not even when Neal had set her up and sent her to prison.

How dare he! How dare he not think she was worth investigating! She wasn’t a souvenir! She was a person! A person who deserved a real investigation and deserved to know the truth! This man, this nameless officer who had become the focal point of Emma’s anger, had robbed her of the truth, of the justice that an abandoned little girl deserved.

More angry tears slipped down her cheek. Emma didn’t bother to wipe them away as she stared out at the setting sun, more heartbroken and more alone than she had never felt in her entire life.

“Hello love.”

Emma jumped, she hadn’t realised she wasn’t alone. However when she saw her uninvited visitor, she let out a loud yelp. A pale man was emerging from the surf, naked as the day he was he was born, and coming towards her with purpose. She stumbled backward into the sand, wincing as her ass landed on a decidedly sharp shell. She grabbed an abandoned beer bottle and tossed it at him. She missed by a mile.

“You’re naked! Why the hell are you naked? Does Menemsha not follow any public decency laws or something!” Her eyes bulged as another thought occurred. “Oh god! Is this a nude beach? Is my house in front of a nude beach? What the fuck!”

The man stared at her in a mixture of startlement and confusion. He tilted his head to the side, regarding her the same way a dog did when it realised its master had tricked it out of a treat.

“In all of my years, I’ve never gotten that reaction before!”

“Dude! For real! You’re naked! Put some goddamn clothes on!”

The man ignored her. Instead, he advanced forward. She took a few steps back but his stride was longer than hers. He touched her arm gently with one hand and framed her cheek with the other, thumb wiping away a stray tear.

“Your sadness called to me. I couldn’t ignore it.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Emma asked in a harsh whisper, trying to pull away.

“I can make it go away…if only for a little while…” he murmured before leaning down and shocking the hell out of Emma by capturing her lips in a fierce kiss.

She let out a shriek of surprise before pushing him away with all of her strength. As soon as she broke free, she struck him against the face with a closed fist and then raised her knee to strike him in the groin. He let out a groan of pain before crumbling to the sand and swearing violently at her.

“Bloody fucking hell! What was that for? You nearly destroyed my nadgers there, love!”

“Because you’re a fucking pervert!” She hissed hotly at him.

“Not a pervert! I’m a selkie!”

“What the fuck is a selkie!?”

“Do you not know your legends, woman? Have you never heard of the seal folk?”

“Am I being punk’d?” Emma looked around, trying to find any hidden camera men but there was no one around. She looked down at the man still keeled over in pain with narrowed eyes. “What the fuck is going on!?”

“You dropped seven tears in the ocean…”

“And what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?” She asked, placing her hands on her hips.

The man let out a pain chuckled, still holding his tender parts as he looked up her with a look that was caught between amused and disbelieving. “You honestly know nothing, do you?”

“I know how to work a taser and frankly, I think that’s all I need to know at the moment.”

“I don’t know what that is but it sounds menacing.”

“You bet your ass it is. Start talking. Now.”

The man licked his lips for a moment, eying her warily. “You really are a fearsome lass.”

“And you’re stalling.”

“You dropped tears into the ocean, love, and not just any tears. Tears of genuine distress and loneliness. Selkies are attracted to loneliness. It’s a siren’s call to us. We thrive on turning loneliness into pleasure.”

“Right,” she replied with a snort. “Pull the other one.”

“It’s the truth,” he replied seriously, looking her straight in the eye.

Emma studied him closely. Though he was complete pervert with zero sense of personal space, he didn’t seem to be lying. If he had, her superpower would have picked up on it.

“You know I’m not lying,” he whispered.

“I know one thing and that’s that you believe all of this. That doesn’t mean it’s true. What it means is that you’re certifiable and there’s probably a mental institution nearby.”

“I’m not from a mental institution,” he frowned.

“Maybe not,” she said before she finally noticed the wet pile of black fur next to him. Her eyes widened as she realised it looked exactly like one of the seat pelts hanging on Mr. Gold’s property. “Maybe the local jail? Considering you’re a thief and all.”

She reached out to pick up the pelt but the man let out an inhuman snarl and snatched her hand than she could blink. When she looked up at his face, his eyes looked more black than blue.

“I would prefer if you didn’t touch that,” he said in an eerily calm voice. “I find myself in less than ideal circumstances when a woman touches my pelt.”

“You’re not human,” she whispered, fear rising up her throat.

“No,” he agreed as he released her hand. “I’m not.”

That’s when Emma’s self-preservation kicked in. As soon as she registered his words, she ran back to the safety of the beach house. She proceeded to lock the door and all of the windows, parking herself on the ancient loveseat located in front entrance. She toyed with her cell phone, passing between her hands as she kept her eyes trained on the door.

If she were anywhere else in the world, she would have called the police. However, Menemsha only had three cops whom Emma had met and found incredibly lacking. She had more faith in a mall rent-a-cop than she did in the men who were supposedly Menemsha’s main law enforcement. She could always call the Chilmark police but she had a sneaking suspicion that they were just as helpful.

On top of that, what was she going to say? She highly doubt that they would believe the naked man on the beach wasn’t human. They would probably just brush it off as the ramblings of a woman who had blown the issue of a nude bather out of proportion.

Instead, Emma went to sleep with her bedroom door locked and her gun underneath her pillow.

When she awoke the next morning, she found neither the windows or locks on the doors had been disturbed. Satisfied, she made her morning hot chocolate and nibbled at a strawberry poptart before deciding to finally retrieve the Vineyard Gazette , which had arrived faithfully at her door everyday despite never applying for a subscription.

She almost screamed when she saw the man from yesterday sitting casually on her front porch, stilled naked save for the pelt that was draped over his lap, and reading her newspaper.

“Staying attuned to happy accidents is a part of art, don’t you agree?” He said, not looking up from the newspaper. “Or at least that’s what the local potter is saying about the newest design on her trade. She calls it ‘the Wave,’ because it’s a deep blue glaze with a white line through. How original. Though, as someone who is more intimately acquainted with the ocean, I can tell you right now that water isn’t truly blue.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you.”

“Why?”

“Because I answered your call.”

“I didn’t call you,” she replied in annoyance, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Ah, but you did when -”

“My tears went into the ocean. So you said,” she cut him off. “I didn’t mean to call you. I didn’t want anyone in that moment, let alone a naked weirdo.”

“I’ve gathered that,” he muttered, finally looking up from the paper. “I feel I must apologise for yesterday. Normally, I’m better at sorting out which type of company women want. I should have known you’re a lady-loving lass.”

“Wait. What?” Emma stared at him in confusion.

“Yesterday. You were not receptive when I kissed you. I’ve never seen that happen before but there’s a first time for everything.”

“Me not wanting you to kiss me has nothing to do with my sexuality!” She hissed, clenching her fists. “That was me not wanting to be sexually harassed!”

“Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “Normally the women I come across are quite happy to be kissed by me.”

“You must come across some strange women then because most I know don’t like being randomly kissed by a stranger no matter how attractive they are!”

He perked up at this and a sly grin crossed his face. “You think I’m attractive?”

“You entirely missed the point of what I was saying and I’m seriously not afraid to tase you.”

“You keep using that phrase...tase...what exactly does it entail?”

“It entails me shocking you with 50,000 volts of electricity, mate ,” she replied, mocking his accent on the last word.

“That doesn’t sound particularly pleasant.”

“That’s because it isn’t.”

“I going to reaffirm my previous statement and say you’re quite a fearsome lass.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she responded, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Look, I need you to leave, dude, because as wonderful as this conversation is, I would really rather my neighbors not see you and ask uncomfortable questions.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, newspaper crumpling under his tight grip. “Oh, lass, you really think if I was able to go back to the ocean, I would be on your porch right now? If I was capable of that, I would have left last night after you ran away.”

“What?”

“I cannot return to the ocean until you feel some form of happiness,” he said seriously.

“You gotta be kidding me! No way!”

“I’m afraid I’m quite serious. That’s how it’s done. That’s how it’s always been.”

“That’s some Grade-A bullshit!” She protested.

“It’s never been a problem in the past,” he said with a huff.

“Well, it is now. Look, how about this? You leaving? It would bring me tremendous happiness.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” he replied, looking mildly offended.

Emma sighed and rubbed at her temples before looking at her watch. It was nearly seven in the morning and the few people who actually lived in the neighbourhood would be up and about soon. She really needed to get him out of sight.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this…” she said with a shake of her head before opening her door. “But get your ass in here.”

“How hospitable of you,” he remarked sarcastically before tidying up. He grabbed his pelt and slung it against his hips the same way any man would with bath towel, except the pelt was much larger and pooled around his feet.

“Just get inside.”

He obeyed her, following her into the house. She didn’t miss how his curious eyes seemed to drink in the style and makeup of the interior. When he met her gaze, he raised both eyebrows at her in question.

“This is….quite cheery, love.”

“It’s not mine,” she replied shortly. “Listen, have a sit in the kitchen and don’t touch anything. I’m going to into the basement and see if I can find you anything to wear.”

It was a long shot but Emma was hoping that there was at least something he could wear. She didn’t know how much longer she could handle talking to him while he was just in his birthday suit. It was making her uncomfortable and his complete nonchalant attitude towards it wasn’t helping.

She couldn’t help but feel like she was retreating again as she descended down into the half-finished basement of the beach house. The cement floor was uncomfortable underneath her feet but she braved through to peruse through the plastic bins next to the washing machine. It was a little invasive to be going through Ruby’s things like this but Emma reasoned that if she left them behind then she wouldn’t mind too much.

There wasn’t much in the top bins except blankets and table clothes but the bottom one held some promise in the form of old sweats. Much of it looked too small to fit her uninvited guest but she found a tent-sized cat sweater and a large pair of hot pink sweatpants. They looked as if they belonged to a robust-sized grandmother and smelled like mothballs but Emma figured beggars couldn’t be choosers.

When she returned to the kitchen with the clothes, she found the man hunched over her kitchen table and looking over the files she had left there from last night’s research. Her face coloured in annoyance.

“I said not to touch anything.”

“I’m not touching, I’m reading,” he replied airily.

“Same concept. It’s rude to read someone else’s stuff.”

“Sorry, love. Though, if it’s all the same to you, you shouldn’t be leaving things like this out for anyone to read.”

“I wasn’t expecting company,” she snapped, shoving the clothes in his lap. “Look, put these on, okay?”

He raised them up, inspecting them with a look of disgust. She couldn’t help but feel so much satisfaction at his obvious irritation.

“These are ghastly,” he stated, wrinkling his nose.

“They’re temporary. Quit whining and put them on.”

He made a frustrated noise before standing up and unceremoniously dropping the pelt around his waist right in front of her. Emma’s jaw dropped.

“Dude! Seriously!”

He gave her an amused look, lips tugging up into a smirk that made her want to smack him. “I’ve always found it amusing how human beings get so hung up over nudity. Nakedness is natural, clothes are not.”

“Spoken like a true nudist.”

He didn’t reply, merely pulled the cat sweater over his head and down over his torso. Emma knew that it had been large but it practically dwarfed him with the sleeves limply hanging over his hands and the stretched out collar went nearly half way down his torso. She held back a snicker.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked after he had pulled on the sweatpants.

“I’m pretty sure you’re going to anyway.”

“Who was he?”

Her eyebrows furrowed at the question. “Who?”

“The man who broke your heart and abandoned you…”

In her mind’s eye, there was a flash of crinkling brown eyes, dark hair and the sound of rich deep laughter. She turned away from the stranger at her kitchen table under the guise of turning on the kettle.

“Who said it was a man…”

“So, it was a woman then.”

Emma opened the cabinet, pulling out two mugs and placing them down on the counter a little harder than necessary. She emptied Swiss Miss packets into them instead of giving a response to his comment. After filling the mugs with water and half-heartedly mixing them, she returned to the kitchen table and shoved a mug in his direction. He caught her wrist, the sudden stop causing the hot chocolate to slosh over the rim and splash across his front. He didn’t pay it much mind, but rather kept his unnervingly intense focus on her face.

“You’re an orphan.”

“Was I?”

“Not was. Are. You’re something of an open book. You’ve got a look in your eye.  The look you get when you’ve been left alone for too long.” He released her hand and tapped his fingers against the police report. “And this. This is you, isn’t it?”

“I’m a private investigator,” she responded.

“It doesn’t make this any less about you,” he said softly, still studying her face with such severity that she had to drop her gaze.

“What are you doing?”

“Waiting for something normal to happen.”

“What’s normal about this?”

“Normal would be you kissing me, love.”

“You’re going to be waiting for a long time then.” She snorted, placing his hot chocolate in front of him and putting some distance between them by sitting in the adjacent seat. She clenched her mug with both hands like it was a lifeline.

“Human women, especially women attracted to men, normally aren’t so resistant to selkie charm. You’re unique.”

“Or maybe you’re not as charming as you think are,” Emma shot back.

“I don’t think you quite understand…” he said with shake of his head, drumming his fingers against the table in agitation. “We aren’t like your human blokes. We, as a species, have a...it’s sort of a hypnotic charm, if you will...to make women more receptive to us...it sort of a preservation technique…”

“Sounds more date rape-y to me,” she replied, narrowing her eyes at him.

He jolted at the accusation. “We never take what isn’t freely given.”

“You say that but you’re basically “dazzling” them into sleeping with you. How is that not sketchy?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, looking distraught by the very thought. Emma watched him warily, wondering if leaving her gun upstairs was a bad idea. He let out a huff, pushing his mug away.

“I..I see your point...but rest assured that was never my intention...you’re immune to the “dazzling” as you say, so you need not worry about that and you need not worry about me placing an unwanted hand on you.”

“Oh, I’m not worry,” she responded with a snort. “If you did, I would tase your ass so fast that I would be serving fried seal at my next barbecue.”

“You’re quite fond of that threat.”

“It’s very entertaining to see a scumbag get shocked with 50,000 volts.”

“I will take your word for it.”

Silence fell between them and they sat, drinking hot chocolate and studying each other. Since the moment she met him, Emma had avoided looking at him. However, now that she had the chance to, she could slightly see why the women he spoke of weren’t so quick to kick him out of bed. Even while wearing stained grandma sweater and hot pink pants, he was attractive; messy dark hair falling over startling blue eyes, feminine lashes and a strong but sharp jawline. He looked lost though, a fish out of water in this situation just like her.

“What would make you happy, love?”

“Emma.”

“Pardon?”

“My name is not love, it’s Emma,” she said, looking back down at her mug. “I would prefer you to call me by name rather than love or sweetheart or any annoying pet name you could come up with.”

“Alright, Emma,” he affirmed with a nod. “I’m Killian.”

“Killian,” she repeated, testing it out. “It’s...unique.”

“It’s a name,” he shrugged. “But, really, Emma, what would make you happy? Because it’s obviously not sex. You’ve made that quite clear.”

She snorted at his bluntness. “I know you’re a seal but I’ve gotta tell you, sex rarely ends in happiness as far as I’m concerned. It leads to disaster.”

“I’m sorry you think so.”

“I don’t think so. I know so. It can be great, don’t get me wrong, but once that high is gone, you’re back to square one. It doesn’t solve anything. If anything, you find out he’s married and his wife’s on her way back early and it’s just messy.”

“We’re getting off topic,” he said, looking uncomfortable and fidgeting slightly. “What would make Emma happy?”

She pulled the police report out from underneath his elbow, staring at the callous words scribbled messily across the page.

“The truth,” she said, meeting his eyes. “The truth would make me happy.”

“What truth do you seek?”

“I want to know who they are and why they left me. I want to look them in the eye and make them remember me, to remind them that I was a person, not something that could just be left behind.”

“Okay. How do we do that?”

“We?” she looked at him in surprise. “When did this become a we?”

“When you called me, Emma. Haven’t you been paying attention? I can’t go back until you’re happy and if that means finding your parents then it means finding your parents.”

“And how the hell is a fricking seal going to help me?”

He smiled at her and it was a smile that was so blinding that she wondered for a moment if he had succeeded in finally dazzling her.

“Oh, love, I think you’ll find that I have an honest knack for reading and research.”