#that's some gay ass tailoring if you ask me

[urghblergh]

Tailoring clothes is an intimate business. ✨

[searidings]

Wow 108 books, that's amazing!!! I definitely need to check out the bold/italicized ones on your list at least

My goal for this year was 52 and I'm trying to make it in these last couple days lol do you have any specific recs that are shorter? Or maybe good audiobooks for variety? I just listened to This Is How You Lose the Time War in a sitting from like 8 pm to 2am and it was so good and visceral I felt like I was going insane

hmmm idk if you like sci-fi and/or if you've ever tried becky chambers (who i would recommend regardless) but to be taught, if fortunate is a charming little sci-fi novella that restored my faith in humanity in the most touchingly beautiful way

for great audiobooks i will NOT stop screaming about the locked tomb series by tamsyn muir, the narration is EXQUISITE like these are not short books nor are they straightforward but i'm not a big re-reader yet as you can see from my list, i read/listened to that series 3 times in one year (twice in a month) because they're just That Good

[sephirthoughts]

sliding more snacks into your inbox > A-Z ask game: O(tailored) bc I'd like to put a song in your hands[And Then is Heard No More, Library of Ruina], W, X please!

O - Choose a song, what ship or character does it remind you of?

You chose the song and let me tell you what happened. I accidentally opened it in two windows, asynchronously, offset by almost exactly 42 seconds, and then i didn't shut the second window because it blew my fucking mind. Now I can't stop listening to it like this. 😂 It clashes in a couple places but that just feels appropriately eerie because it's such a weird fucking song. Like if i didn't look at the windows, i couldn't tell you when one ends and it's only the other winding down. I'm pretty sure it only works so well because the vocaloid's cadence and intonation are all so bizarre. Anyway that's where I'M at.

The song SCREAMS Sephiroth/Cloud to me. The lyrics just go right along with their whole story, plus the fact that its weird and kind of disembodied fits their mental states really well.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

hoooo boy, there are many of these. i stuck with my top two for the sake of not being here all week. also, before i dive in, i wanted to say that if a trope is done really well, i will likely enjoy it anyway, and i LOVE subverted tropes, especially for comedy purposes.

1: Woobified badasses. I really dislike seeing characters who are grown-ass adults who Have Seen Some Shit de-fanged, de-clawed, and behaving like teenaged girls (unless it's forced feminization for BDSM in which case we can talk as FUCK). Anyway, we are all free to play-pretendsies however we like and i'm not offended—it's all fiction—i just don't really want to read it. i don't mean tough-guys having soft moments, i actually LOVE that (give me sephiroth gently carrying a kitty cat to safety before he goes back to finish immolating nibelheim any day). however, oftentimes i see this particular trope happening and it's clearly because the writer has too little scope or empathy, and can't inhabit a character's actual perspective enough to write them in-character. which is perfectly fine, but not for me. i don't demand rigorous adherence to canon (obviously considering every single character i write is trans and/or gay and/or pansexual) but i like the fictional characters i like to at least be recognizable.

2: Pregnancy. Ugh. First of all, it's never done well. Second of all, I am not interested in it whatsoever, even if it was done well. male pregnancy is even more of an ugh. two reasons...three reasons. 1) pregnancy is an eldritch horror beyond my will to contemplate, let alone write or read about in fiction, which i write and read FOR FUN. 2) mpreg is almost guaranteed to be some deeply misogynist shit redirected at male characters (i'm talking to you a/b/o) OR plain ol fetish stuff (which is great have your fun but it's not a fetish i have, so it's not for me). and before anyone says well transmasc people can get pregnant, welcome to reason 3) if it's not omegaverse, it's the transmasc character being made to pop out babies for people's heteronormative family-dynamic fantasies. which sucks. because why must parenting be biological to be valid? why is adoption less worthwhile? why must trans men be forced back into female gender roles to serve as baby machines? i don't speak for everyone on earth and have fun with that if it's your bag but i can't hang with it, so no thank ye. in this house, boypussy is for sexy fun times ONLY.

X- A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

enemies to lovers enemies to lovers enemies to lovers, or just enemies to enemies who fuck, either way i cannot get enough of hostile sexual tension

sunshine X dark and scary sunshine protector. even better if the dark and scary one is actually protecting everyone else, because the sunshine is secretly a walking apocalypse

our souls are bound together in eternity and i will find you in every universe you stupid bastard

character A: i am unworthy to even think of B so i shall secretly worship them from this respectful distance whilst wasting away from lovesickness because i respect admire and adore them far too much to ever let them know of my disgusting perverse obsession with their angelic self character B: when the hell is A gonna fuck me?

Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry it took so long to get to! I am slowly working through my inbox between family stuff and no-lifing every FF7 game.

[gayeroticafiction]

Latte' Lawyer

Since living in the city, it had become a twice-weekly routine to head into the market and get my fresh produce. It had also become routine to get breakfast at the Market Cafe. For over ten years, this was my normal routine. I was part of the furniture at that cafe and had a great relationship with the owner, an amazing lady called Kate. She was getting on in years, but still remembered my usual and loved a good chat and a joke.

Well, this particular Friday morning was not much different. I got to the market around 8am, and headed to the cafe, where Kate acknowledged me with a nod before heading behind the counter to get my usual ready. Only thing was, my regular booth was in use. I indicated this to Kate, jokingly, who shrugged her shoulders at me, laughing.

I didn't mind though. I took a seat at another table, where I could look directly at my usual booth. The table of my regular booth was covered in folders, papers and a laptop. Directly behind all of this was the best dressed...and sexiest...guy I had ever seen. He clearly was not a local. Firstly, he sat at my table. Secondly, I had never seen such a well-tailored outfit on a guy at the market.

I continued to discreetly watch him as I waited for my breakfast. He had the tightest tailored pants, covering some very sexy, muscular legs, which led down to some very expensive RM Williams boots. His shirt appeared to be slim-fit, covered by a perfectly fitted jacket. As I watched, he removed his jacket. To my delight, his shoulders, arms and chest bulged in his shirt. Damn, I was instantly hard!

Kate arrived with my breakfast, and I enquired about the guy in my booth.

"Some top-notch lawyer from interstate, here for a big case...and he's out of your league...married...heard him on the phone to his wife earlier" she told me, sniggering.

"You know me too well, Kate. But he is so gay! What's he drinking?" I asked.

"Almond milk latte, double shot" she replied.

"Can you get him one from me" I asked, as she turned to head back to the coffee machine.

"Good luck" she replied over her shoulder.

I continued to watch him and undress him with my eyes. I imagined him sucking my cock and bending him over the table and pounding, what I could only imagine would be, his hot, firm, extremely tight ass.

Kate delivered the coffee to his table and I was amused by the confused interactions. For a lawyer, he didn't get this one very well! Kate motioned over my way, and he looked inquisitively at me. I lifted my coffee to him, and he returned the gesture.

Once Kate had walked away, I stood up and took my coffee over to his booth and sat down.

"You must be visiting" I suggested, "and have lots of work to do by the looks of things."

"Yeah", he replied. "I'm from inter-state, over here working on a case. Just filling in time, before I am called up. The defense aren't quite ready yet!"

"Ah...a lawyer! I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't help noticing how well-dressed you are...and on such an amazing body" I offered.

"I'm not gay" he replied, almost without hesitation.

"I beg to differ", I replied, again, almost too quickly. "I don't think I have ever seen such a tight fitted outfit on any straight guy" I clarified.

"And I'm married", he snapped back, "with our first child on the way".

"Well, that doesn't mean much these days. I was married once too, and have a couple of kids. I soon realised I had made a very bad decisions and things went downhill in our marriage very quickly. But I am glad to say, I am a very happy man now...and you could be too", I told him as I looked down into his bulging crutch.

"I have lots of work to do. Thanks for the coffee, but I must get things done" he said, trying to divert the conversation.

"You can't brush me off that quickly...Kate might think you are as straight as, but you can't fool me. I don't think you'll be called for a while, and I'm sure they have your number if you're needed. How about we go and find out how straight you think you are" I said, putting the ball in his court.

He paused and just looked at me, contemplating my offer.

After what seemed like an eternity, he shut his laptop, piled up the papers and folders on top of it and stood up. Fuck he was gorgeous...and that bulge was much bigger when he stood. He was probably as hard as a rock inside those tight trousers.

Putting out his hand, he introduced himself.

"I'm Chris" he said.

"My name's Craig...and I am guessing we are heading to your hotel" I queried.

"Come with me, Craig" he said as he walked off, his very muscular arms full of paperwork.

As I walked past Kate, I gave a quick wink and she smiled back.

"Don't worry about the breakfast, eating elsewhere this morning" I said with a smirk.

It was only a short walk to Chris' hotel, but the moment we hit the lift and were alone, he made his move. Making one arm free and balancing his gear, he moved his hand to my neck and pulled me too him. Our lips collided and we began to kiss passionately. Before I knew it, his tongue was so far in my mouth and my cock was so hard and leaking in my pants.

The lift came to a stop, and we instantly stopped what we were doing. We had reached his floor, and we made our way quickly to his suite. We walked down the long corridor, and we came to his door. He opened it to one of the most opulent rooms I had ever been in, with absolutely breathtaking views.

But, the only view I wanted was the sight of his hot, naked body. Chris put his paperwork down on the table and we began to kiss again. This time with much more passion, as his two hands were free. Before we knew it, we were both standing there in our underwear.

"Fuck, you are so hot" I exclaimed. "Love to know your workout routine, because it works for you. Your wife is very lucky"

We continued kissing each other for a while before he pulled away.

"I've never done anything like this before" he said, nervously, walking over to the window.

"It's all good. We can take things slow" I assured him.

I moved up behind him, putting my arms around his smooth, muscular body. Fuck, he felt so good. I gripped the waistband of his Versace briefs and slid them down over his tight, round ass. As I slid them down, I got onto my knees so I could take them off of him altogether. Now at eye level with his ass, I began to kiss it. His skin tasted so good...and he smelt amazing. My trunks were dripping wet by now.

As my tongue slid slowly between his ass cheeks, I felt his body shudder and he moved away from me a bit.

"Sorry, I am just so fuckin' nervous" he said.

I immediately went back to what I was doing, as Chris began to relax. He leaned up against the window, resting his head on both arms. I glanced up at him as I began to smell and taste his man cunt. Damn his body was so gorgeous...and his ass I just could not resist. I put my hand down my trunks and took my cock in my hand, stroking it while reaching around his body and taking his cock in my other hand. He was huge and so hard.

Chris began to moan loudly as I pushed my face into his ass, my tongue getting deeper and his ass getting wetter. As I ran my hand up and down his huge cock, I could feel how wet he was, with pre-cum helping me to slide my hand up and down his shaft.

I felt his body shudder again and instantly knew what was happening.

"Oh fuck" he screamed as a huge wad of cum hit the window. "I am so sorry. I didn't think I would cum that quickly!" he exclaimed.

"It's ok. I did the same thing the first time I was with a guy" I replied. "You get used to it and you start to last longer" I said, looking up at him, smiling.

Chris turned around and I was looking straight at the most amazing cock I had ever seen. His foreskin dripping with cum, I moved in and started to run my tongue on the tip of his cock. He tasted amazing, as I slowly pulled his skin back and licked that amazing knob of his. He leaned back on the window, and I began to take his cock into my mouth. He moaned loudly but did not resist. Gently grabbing the back of my head, he guided me on his cock.

"Oh fuck, I'm cumming" he warned me.

I didn't stop. I just kept on sucking him until I felt this cum machine shoot down my throat.

With a mouthful of cum, I stood up and we started to kiss again, sharing his cum with him.

"I want you to fuck me" he said, looking deeply into my eyes.

Although his request took me by surprise, I could see the longing in his eyes. He really wanted this, and I was going to oblige. I took his hand and moved over to the bed, guiding him onto his back, his legs spread wide. God, he looked so sexy. How could any guy resist this?

Chris sat on the bed and I dropped my trunks, which was received with a nervous smile.

Pushing his legs back, I knelt on the bed and slid my cock, dripping with precum, slowly into his tight ass. He was so tight, but tense too.

"Relax" I instructed. "The more you tense up, the more it will hurt to start with. Slow, deep breaths" I explained.

Chris took some deep breaths, and I could feel him loosen up.

I slowly slid my cock into him. The knob first, just slowly stretching him. As he relaxed more and loosened up, I slowly slid my cock in all the way into him.

"You feel so fucking amazing" I smiled at him.

I could not believe he was letting me fuck him raw. He was pretty trusting of this strange guy who just picked him up in a cafe!

"God, it feels so good" he replied. "I never knew it would feel like this" he exclaimed, as I felt his body shudder every time my cock rubbed against his prostate.

His comment only made me fuck him harder. I continued to fuck him, pushing his legs back and resting them on my shoulders. This position helped me to get deeper into him, as he screamed out in pain and ecstasy, looking into my eyes.

"Fuck, you are so tight. I am not far off" I told him.

"Cum in me, but just keep fucking me" he instructed.

How could I refuse? I continued to fuck him, harder and faster.

"Oh fuck....I'm cumming" I screamed out, as I shot my huge load deep inside his virgin ass.

Chris' eyes rolled back as he enjoyed the sensation of my warm load injecting into his bowel. My thrusting began to intensify, as his now well-lubricated ass allowed me to easily slide back and forward and much deeper. I had never been with a guy who made so much noise, and it was such a turn-on. I also joined in.

After what seemed like an awfully long time, and about four orgasms later, I pulled out and rolled to his side. Our hot, sweaty bodies lay limp on the bed as we sighed and breathed heavily, getting our breath back.

"That was the most amazing thing I have ever felt" Chris said, as he looked over at me. "Fuck my ass hurts, but that was so fuck'n good". He rolled onto his side, running his hand over my chest and fondling my nipple. "And you were right...I am actually gay" he exclaimed.

"There's no fooling me mate. I can pick a gay guy a mile off" I said, laughing. "Does your wife know?"

"Fuck no... she'd kill me...or worse.... cut my dick off, if she knew what I did today", fear settling in his eyes. "I only ever had my cock sucked by a guy back in uni. That's the only experience I have ever had with a guy. I have always wanted more, but being gay in my family would have been frowned upon. We need to stick to the norm, if you know what I mean?" Chris began to open up. "And that is the reason why I am doing law...and fuck, I hate it!! But it does keep everyone happy... my dad...my wife".

"Everyone but you" I suggested.

As he lay there and began to open up more to me, I just wanted to kiss him some more and run my tongue over his absolutely gorgeous body. We kissed for quite a while, all the time just exploring each other's naked bodies.

"Will you fuck me?" I asked him. "I want to feel your amazing cock inside me".

With no reply, he encouraged me onto all fours. I took that as a yes. Moving around behind me, his strong hands started to fondle my ass cheeks, before his thumbs opened my crack. It had been a while since I had been with a guy and I was so keen for this.

"Eat me" I encouraged him, as his face made contact with my ass.

He knew what he was doing and got his tongue right into me. It felt so good, and I moaned uncontrollably.

"Oh fuck...that is so good...oh god!!" I exclaimed, my cock absolutely hard and dripping again. "Oh man...fuck me...fuck me hard!" I screamed, just wanting his massive cock to thrust hard and deep into me.

Chris lifted up and I looked back over my shoulder. Fuck he was huge and damn hot. He guided his wet cock towards my willing ass. I felt his wet knob push between my cheeks, spreading me.

"Oh, fuck you have a hot ass" Chris exclaimed, breathing heavily and nervously.

He slid himself all the way into me and it felt amazing. Possibly one of the biggest cocks I had ever felt. He slowly fucked me, sliding the full length of his rod in and out of me. Chris fucked like a man with years of experience...but reached orgasm very quickly.

"Fuck...I'm gonna cum" He cried out.

"Fuck me hard" I screamed, to which he started pumping my ass hard and fast, his huge balls slapping against my own as they unloaded deep inside me.

Stopping as soon as his orgasm was over, Chris held my hips and gained his breath back.

"Oh fuck that was so good" he said, as he pulled me up toward him, my back pressed firmly against his sweaty chest, my ass tightening around his huge tool.

It was like he did not want to pull out, running his hands all over my body and kissing my neck and shoulder. Reaching around my body, Chris took my cock into his hand and started stroking it firmly. It was not long until I shot my load all over his bed.

Chris pulled out of me, and we both lay back down on the bed. We lay in silence, just taking in each other's sexy bodies and contemplating what we had just done. As we lay there, Chris' phone rang.

"I was hoping it would be longer than that before they rang" he said, picking the phone up. "Fuck, it's my wife"!

He answered the phone. "Hey babe" he said sweetly, behaving as if there was nothing at all wrong, but slightly breathless. They chatted for a while and he was so calm. Typical lawyer - full of shit!

Eventually Chris hung up the phone.

"Fuck...now that makes me feel terrible" he said to me as he put the phone down.

"It's all good Chris. She doesn't know...and won't ever know" I assured him.

"But I will know," he replied.

"And we will keep it our secret...here's my number, you can call me whenever you are in town" I said, picking up his phone and entering my details.

We lay on the bed, in each others' arms for quite a while, just catching our breath again. As I looked longingly into his eye, smiling at each other and knowing exactly what the other really wanted, Chris' phone rang again. It was the courts, requesting him to be there in the next half hour. He got up from the bed and went and had a shower, while I watched. He seemed to enjoy me watching him. I stayed on the bed, naked, while he got dressed in front of me. Watching him, he grabbed my Hilfiger trunks and put them on.

"Now that turns me right on" I told him, laying there and stroking my cock in front of him.

"Feel free to hang around and use the room as much as you want. I will probably be all afternoon, so won't be back 'til later today. There is an extra key card on the side table. Come and go as you please. But I would love to have dinner tonight and maybe, if you were able to, you could stay the night?"

I smiled at him, my eyes clearly letting on that I was so keen.

"I would love that. See you later. Maybe call me when you are heading back to the room".

He bent over me, placing his hand around my waist, kissing me passionately. As we kissed, he slowly caressed my cock, stroking it back and forward. He continued until I reached orgasm. Going from my lips to my cock, his mouth took in all of my rod and the subsequent torrent of cum, swallowing every bit.

"Now that will keep me going all afternoon" he said after swallowing every drop.

He stood up and walked out. As the door shut behind him, I began to stroke my own cock, just trying to fathom the amazing morning I had just had and thinking about what might happen later that night.

I could not wait!

An original fictional, gay erotica story by @soyouthinkimstraight, @gayeroticafiction, NW,2024

All images have been taken from Tumblr and deem to be for public use. If any images belong to you and you want them removed, please message me @soyouthinkimstraight or @gayeroticafiction

[josephtrohman]

hello it’s the joe fic anon!! i don’t think i mind what sort of pov or what pairing, like i love combinatorics because i Adore the “pining idiots” sorta trope, so i would happily read more of those guys being obsesssd with joe (because you know. me too brother). but also because i haven’t read much joe perspective i would happily try that too. i know this literally doesn’t narrow it down AT ALL lmao so no hurry, whatever u provide will feed me good ❤️

heehee ok i got u anon!!!! as a joegirl god the more descriptors of how in love with joe the protag is the better bc YEAG ARGGG (just one part of why combinatorics will forever be my favest like ME TOO PATRICK!!!!!!) but anyways here is my tailored fic recs based on u wanting joe-centric fics :D there is some overlap ofc with my other recs posts and i just realized that most of these recs are just joe pov MORE PINING OVER JOE IN FICS PLS FANFIC AUTHORS THANK U!!!! but there is some of that here too still (combinatorics always the king for that tho). sorry this took a couple days shoutout to finals szn but JOE-CENTRIC FICS COMING RIGHT UP

joetrick:

technology by rosiedoesfic. i’m due in for a reread very soon but it’s a wonderful story about joe and patrick both being single at 30 and joining a dating app and being each other’s road test for dating. written for the same prompt as combinatorics so they’re like sister fics in my mind!!! :)

friction in your jeans by dogboytrohman. hello. one of the tags says gratuitous descriptions of how beautiful joe is and it’s true. patrick has a crisis when joe first gets his lip pierced and they kiss and mess around

thnks fr th knckrs by rosiedoesfic. joe slowly pulling patrick into the world of being interested in panties and my godddddd it’s so good!!!

token by gigantic. joe’s pov, but he’s on a mission to have gay sex, and he has to face a few unsuccessful times before he can finally fulfill his dream ;3 soooo good

brace yourself and find a safe place by distortedmya. joe comes out as an adult, and when he’s struggling a bit patrick spends time with him. very sweet read!!!

good fortune by heyginger. a short very fluffy new year’s centered fic. no spoilers since it’s short ;)

message in a bottle by bunnytrohman. joe realizes he’s in love with patrick during 2ourdust, i keep recommending this one because i love it sm and i was lucky enough to be able to get to beta for richie on this one!!

wentzman:

the things we do by gigantic. joe stays with pete for a few days and helps him get rid of some of ashlee’s stuff and pete likes to wear her clothes, and basically joe and pete start fucking. a lot. it’s joe pov so no pete pining over joe or anything but oh my god pls read it, it is so impeccably written!!! probably my fav wentzman fic ever

when you wake up the world will come around. kid fic about pete and joe being dads that fall in love. another one of my fav wentzman fics UGH so good so cute. another joe pov btw (i believe!!! it’s been a minute since i reread this one)

eyeliner = consent by arsenic. ryan ross has a scheme to get joe and pete to sleep with each other by making patrick put eyeliner on joe so as to seduce pete. it’s a wild-ass concept but im obsessed also PETE POV if i remember correctly

ok i think im going to stop there for now, BUT the nice thing about joetrick fics (and wentzman but ppl have never just asked for wentzman recs lol) is that they’re pretty inherently joe-centric so if you get the itch for more beyond these ones, i have two other posts of fic recs on my blog already!!! here and here. some of the fics i’ve recommended here can be found there too, but there are others that are excellent choices in those posts as well!!! i’m also always here to chat about fics beloved anon, and i can try to dig through my archive even more if u happen to need more recs :3 now go forth and enjoy joe centric fics :D 💖

[corvidcall]

actually, I'll share the links even if no one asks, because i think it's interesting and useful

the podcast is The Magnificast (one of the hosts is a Professor of Media Studies and communication, the other is a journalist and has a doctorate in Christian Studies, so i like to think they generally know their stuff) and they talk a lot about problems within the Church as an institution, readings of parables and bible stories through a leftist lens (and with interesting historical context), and also just general leftist theory. it's a good show, and i think can be really useful if you ever want to try to talk to christians about leftism (or leftists about christianity, i guess? but in this scenario you are also a leftist)

Here's their zine about christian solidarity with cuba

here's their letter writing guide. it's got some good advice for tailoring your letter to it's intended recipient, a sample letter, and some quick facts about the blockade (and the many christian groups that oppose it) that you can include in your letter

my local rep sucks ass (real trump gal, who opposed the price limit on insulin bc she said it was "price gouging", so shes also kinda dumb i guess) but i think it will be fun for me to write her a letter saying my gay trans atheist ass is better at christianity than she is.

there's a podcast i like thats focused on leftist theory through a christian lens (which i just think is really interesting, given how many christians you meet that are loudly anti-communist and for some reason are convinced jesus would love capitalism) and i just saw a tweet thread they made saying that, for Lent, they want to give up the US blockade against Cuba (so theyre spending the next 40 days writing letters to biden and their local reps and encouraging others to do the same)

i am delighted i bought all those stamps at costco because i am gonna be writing some goddamn letters to our dumbfuck government

[mojoflower]

WHY is fanfiction not the appropriate venue for your political or social battle?

We can all agree, I posit, that there are changes that need to be made in the world (racism, for example;  patriarchal inequalities;  rape culture;  capitalism;  plug in your personal cause here).

We can all ALSO agree, I think, that the way culture, media, etc. portray things influences a consumer on an unconscious level.

We can agree that, in real life, certain things are clearly bad:  abuse of others, non-consensual sex, systemic inequality, I can go on….

So.  Let me feel my way through this.  I, personally, feel like fanfiction (specifically on AO3, since that’s where I encounter it) is NOT an appropriate battleground for enforcing cultural change by:

Leaving comments about how someone’s work is (in your, the commenter’s, opinion) wrong, damaging, unfair, insensitive, etc.

Telling the writer they should change this or that.

Telling the writer they must add or delete tags.

Broadcasting your opinion of the writer’s egregiousness outside AO3 (twitter, for example, or here on tumblr).

Organizing a campaign of harassment against the author if they don’t change to suit your personal requirements.

First of all:

 Be the change you want to see.

Fanfiction, unlike any other media out there, is INDIVIDUAL.  It is one work, from one single person – voluntary and unpaid.  You yourself are one single person.  You can have as much influence as this writer.  Write the works you want to read, instead of demanding that the writer change to suit you.  This is how romance novels changed from non-con, non-condom-wearing, shudderingly unequal stories in the 70s and 80s to where they are now, for example.  New people started writing stories, and eventually established authors started changing, too (or dwindled away).

Remember that you know nothing about the author.

You don’t know their culture, their skin color, their age, their gender.  You don’t know their socioeconomic status or how much free time they have.  You don’t know their current mental or physical conditions.  You don’t know any of the things going on in their life.  AND.  You are not entitled to know these things.  When you lash out at an author for not doing research, for not editing, for… anything at all… you cannot assume that they’re not fourteen, not suicidal, not a native speaker, not disabled such that writing a single paragraph is a tremendous effort.  You don’t know they’re not in an abusive situation, or economic peril.  You do not have the right to tell them to change.  Whether you are asking them to change text, tone, tagging, ships, plot, you name it.  Anything.

Dead Dove:  Do Not Eat.

Don’t like, don’t read.  These are simple concepts, and the tagging system on AO3 helps you to avoid many triggers.  Simple common sense, once you're into a story that’s raising your hackles, will warn you away from the rest.  If you say, ‘no, this person can’t write that, it’s contributing to pain in the Real World’ then you are functioning as a censor.  I mean, at its most basic level, a censor is someone who strikes out passages in books or other media because it’s… immoral/bad/etc.  The problem is that morality is incredibly tailored to the group you’re in, and also incredibly fluid, shifting over time.  So… why do YOU get to be the censor and not the author?  What makes YOU the final word?  Seriously, think about it.

Fanfiction writers are the most vulnerable group you could target.

Which makes them easy prey, and possibly makes them the juiciest and most satisfying targets.  Address your anger to Hollywood or Simon & Schuster or Congress – and your voice will doubtless get lost in the shuffle.  Address it to an author on AO3 and you can deliver your blow personally, one on one, and witness the damage.  There is no professional buffer between your resentment and their reaction.

Who are fanfiction writers?  Overwhelmingly women, overwhelmingly queer, often very young and inexperienced.  Wow.  What a rewarding group to start slapping around.  You wouldn't be the only one to think so.  Seriously.  Aim your anger at someone who is STRONGER than you.  Not someone who is (likely) weaker than you.  You’re kicking a kitten, while a lion lounges behind you.

Censoring someone’s thoughts is bad.

People should be allowed to THINK.  And they can think whatever they want.  Whether and where and how it should be expressed is another matter.  AO3 is a safe place for whatever weird-ass thoughts you have.  It is expressly written into their mission statement.  AO3 was SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED so that authors could have a place for their dead dove fics.

So.  Why is [your pet cause] okay on AO3 and not on a script in Hollywood?

AO3 requires membership before you can post anything, so it’s arguably private.  AO3 provides tools for readers to avoid works they might find triggering.  AO3 profits no one.  Follow the money, and there are your true culprits.  Not a housewife from Hoebokken.

Fanfiction writers make no money.  When they write, they are not lawmakers, filmmakers, teachers or preachers.  This is not their job.  They do not have a responsibility to the community, because they are vested with no power and no paycheck.  Please move your battlefield to one of these other venues.  Your fight will be harder, but it will also do a lot more good than traumatizing some naive  kid away from writing forever.

Fanfiction comprises an individual’s personal thoughts and personal works, written for their own enjoyment, shared only through AO3 to (presumably) like-minded readers.  Fanfics are a person’s fantasies and daydreams.  They might be an author’s therapeutic exercise.  Or someone trying to explore something new, whether it be cultures, ideas, sexualities or kinks.  Humans need a place where they can be wrong and make mistakes.  Think about that, I implore you.  If you are constantly pointing out someone’s errors, you may eventually either silence them forever, or instill in them permanent resentment.  This does not further your cause.

You have your personal cause.

I’ve seen a lot of them.  Incest is bad, you’re not allowed to write about it.  Pedophilia is bad, you’re not allowed to write about it.  Abusive relationships are bad, you’re not allowed to write about them.  Racism is bad, you’re not allowed to write about it.  Genderswap is transphobic, you’re not allowed to write about it.  A/B/O romanticizes damaging gender inequalities.  There are many.  If every single one of you got to stamp out your personal crusade, then fic would be scant on the ground and many people wouldn’t try to create anymore.  It’s stifling to creativity and terrifying to an author that they might slip up and be called out.  No one, as far as I know, likes to think of their fanfiction as something that will be turned in for a grade.

Your standards are your own.

What are the precise parameters of an abusive relationship?  Transphobia?  Racism?  Pedophilia?  Fetishism?  Where does dub-con become non-con?  No one is the mouthpiece for the whole world.  You are only the mouthpiece for yourself.

If you think to yourself that it’s not okay to tell someone they can’t write about, say, a gay relationship, but it IS okay to tell them they can’t write about a certain ship or dynamic (for Reasons), then maybe you should step back and check yourself and your entitlement to someone else’s endeavor.

In conclusion:

I’m not saying that racism doesn’t exist in fanfiction.  Or creepy sexual abuse, or glorification of harmful dynamics.  It certainly does.  I’m not trying to play semantics with you.

But when you see these things, when they bother you... back right out.

That’s it.  Just back out, ignore it and find a different fic.  (Or better yet, write your own!)  Shower the fics you approve of with love and comments about why you think they’re great.  Give them kudos and bookmarks and shout-outs on your blog.  Eventually, if your opinion is popular, authors who thought otherwise will realize that readership is looking for something different.  They’ll change or they won’t, but the body of work will change over time, and THAT is what you’re looking to accomplish.  Not to stamp out fanfiction altogether.

[khaleeseas]

accidental sugardaddy!zuko zukka au:

sokka is a man of substance - we know this - but it’s canon that he loves things

remember how excited he gets at the prospect of shopping? and he buys that dumb expensive bag and basically has a “treat yoself” moment in book 2

i’m sure it stems from growing up in a poor village where he literally had to hunt & gather his own food

and now he’s out in the world and has money and gets to go to all these big markets and it’s a huge deal for him

one of zukos love languages is ABSOLUTELY gift giving - i.e. those scenes w Mai on ember island - and you can’t convince me otherwise

so at some point, post-war + a few years into being firelord, while zuko is trying his hardest to woo sokka and sokka is being oblivious about it (boy didnt realize suki was coming onto him that one time when they were trying to get into ba sing se. the boy is Not Very Good at picking up when people are Into Him) zuko is out in the shopping district of caldera city and unthinkingly buys sokka something stupid expensive and nice

like maybe some red and blue silk robes bc now that sokka’s his ambassador he should represent both nations, right?

totally not bc sokka looks fine as hell in red and zuko wants to see sokka in his colors nope nope nope

ANYWAY sokka reacts in a way zuko never expected

like so happy so excited pretty much takes his other clothes off right there in front of zuko to put his new robes on

zuko tries and fails not to let the gay panic show on his face 

 and sokka starts to wear the robes all the time. like so much that there’s no way he’s washing them enough!

and that won’t fly

like he cant keep wearing the same robes over and over again, right?

so zuko buys him more

and keeps buying him more.

and more and more and more 

(oh god this got long more under the cut)

and eventually commissions the finest tailor in the city to make more red and blue tunics/robes/whatever 

(and makes sure he also gets sokka some sleeveless tops for more casual wear because holy fuck he’s really starting to grow into himself and his arms it’s super hot in the fire nation capital, especially for a water tribesman from the south pole)

so then he buys him a pair of incredibly expensive leather boots

because he CAN

and because knee high boots look GOOD on sokka okay?

and zuko literally cannot stop because of how excited sokka gets (and also because of how weirdly turned on zuko gets seeing sokka wearing the clothes he bought him but lets like not talk about it)  

so this continues for a while. 

and sokka is still stupid oblivious.

maybe he thinks it’s just a rich people thing. maybe he thinks zuko does this for everyone

and then one day zuko is like fuck it and brings sokka with him into the expensive, ritzy-ass caldera shopping district and the two of them have themselves a DAY. clothes, shoes, food, sweets, they even go to a spa

and they come back and zuko orders some fancy ass dinner to his room and he and sokka eat and drink wine and maybe get a little affectionate, (but that’s it)

it’s sooooo not a date! (it’s a date)

so very shortly after this sokka’s hanging w the girls while zuko’s doing important firelord things and is wearing some new threads from said shopping trip

and suki - very casually - goes “i like your shirt, your sugar daddy buy that for you?”

sokka sputters bc sugar daddy?!

“my what? - no, zuko did!”

“yeah exactly,” suki says. “your sugar daddy. zuko. zuko your sugar daddy.”

“zuko. my sugar daddy??? we arent even dating?? zuko does this kind of stuff for everyone right???”

and all the girls look at each other like “oh spirits this poor, bi, disaster of a man”

“you think he does that for everyone? hell no. he pays us very nicely i will say and does provide our kyoshi warrior/firelord guard uniforms but he does not buy us a bunch of expensive shit”

sokka looks to mai for backup bc surely he buys her nice dresses and stuff and mai’s just like “oh yeah zuko loves that kind of stuff. he did that for me when we were dating. he definitely has upped his price range for you though.”

sokka’s like O_____O 

“oh”

he straight up bursts into zuko’s chambers (his personal guard doesn’t even blink cause they think they’re dating too lol)

and what he means to ask is “are we dating?” 

but what he accidentally asks is “are you trying to be my sugar daddy”

zuko goes like beet red and sputters for a moment before squeaking out “um i was trying to be your boyfriend but i could be your sugar daddy”

and sokka knows he can be a dumbass but this is next level even for him. 

“i mean i love when you buy me stuff...but i dont want you to think you have to buy me stuff just to get me to like you. i’d still like you even if you were still a broke fugitive”

zuko says “oh 🥺 “

then they kiss

and maybe bang a little

and yes they’re boyfriends and no,zuko is resolutely not sokka’s sugar daddy thank you very much, suki

but it doesn’t mean zuko doesnt still buy sokka HELLA expensive things (and food) all the time.

sokka wants it? he gets it

(zuko is still lowkey sokka’s sugar daddy tho, let’s be real)

[pearlsephoni]

The Trial of Shoyo Hinata’s Rising Heartrate, Witnesses One and Two: Daichi and Suga

Can also be read on AO3!

Rating: G

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Kagehina (Kageyama/Hinata); Daisuga (Daichi/Suga)

Characters: Daichi Sawamura, Koshi Sugawara, Shoyo Hinata, Tobio Kageyama

Word Count: 940

Chapter Summary:  When Suga notices something strange between a certain pair of first years, it's only natural that he points it out to Daichi.

A/N: Author’s notes can be read on AO3.

Despite Daichi’s angry lecturing, he hadn’t been serious about pulling Kageyama and Hinata from the first lineup. Even if he had been, he doubted Coach Ukai would’ve let him see the threat through - for all their childish bickering, those two were too powerful to keep off the court. 

Even their bickering seemed to come from a place of understanding for each other, as though they instinctively knew the best taunts to enhance their plays. It mystified Daichi, who was used to Suga’s almost-aggressive encouragement and Asahi’s glass heart, but as long as the first years didn’t turn those taunts towards him, he didn’t care. 

They weren’t only having an impact on each other. Daichi could see the way their competition pushed the rest of the team to train better and harder. Hell, he could feel the extra drive in himself. Whether he was hitting a toss sent directly to his hand by Kageyama, or a toss specially tailored for him by Suga, he could feel the ball ricochet off his palm with a power he hadn’t felt in…he didn’t know how long. 

It felt good. It felt really good. The closer the Inter-High tournament got, the better he felt about their chances at getting further than they’d ever gone before in his three years of high school. 

But then Suga brought his attention to the darnedest thing. 

“Hey, Daichi.”

“Hm?” Daichi lowered his bottle to find Suga at his elbow, speaking to him but looking at something else across the gym. “What’s up?”

“What do you think about...um…”

He followed Suga’s gaze and ended up looking at Hinata and Kageyama, bickering as usual. He opened his mouth to ask Suga what was so weird about that, when something weird did happen: Kageyama noticed something on Hinata’s elbow, probably a bruise or a smudge of dirt from the gym floor, and bent to peer at it, his hand coming up to gently rub at the skin. Hinata was in the middle of saying something, but when Kageyama touched him, his words seemed to fade away, until he was quietly watching the setter. 

What made Daichi’s eyes widen was the sight of Hinata’s cheeks deepening in color, much darker than they ever did from practice. He...he was blushing, seemingly from Kageyama’s touch and attention alone. “...Shit.”

“Yeah,” Suga agreed with a solemn nod. 

“Shit, Suga.”

“I know.”

“Is that...I mean...shit, Suga.” 

“Woah, alright, don’t freak out now—” 

“I’m not freaking out, I just don’t know what to do! If Hinata really has a crush on him, then...then what happens if they end up dating? And then if they break up? A breakup between the players responsible for our freak quick attack? Shit, Suga!” Daichi finally dragged his gaze from the first years to Suga, who didn’t look nearly panicked enough about this. In fact, he didn’t look panicked at all — if anything, he looked confused as he met Daichi’s eyes. “What?” 

“You’re worried about the quick attack? Not...not that Hinata could be gay?” 

“Huh? Why would I care about that? Wait. Why do you care about that?” 

“Because...well, I guess it’d be nice to be able to talk to him about it. I would’ve liked to have an upperclassman I could talk to about…figuring all that out, y’know?”

It was only then that Daichi noticed the wistful tinge in the way Suga was watching the first years, who were back to bickering. Of course that was what would bother him; Suga cared so much about being a trustworthy and caring senpai to the underclassmen. 

Daichi’s hand gently landed on Suga’s shoulder, pulling his attention from Hinata and Kageyama. “There could be a lot of reasons he hasn’t told us anything. Maybe he’s not out to anyone. Maybe he doesn’t even know yet. Remember how long it took for us to even realize we liked each other?” 

That made a smile tug at Suga’s lips. They’d been disasters in their first year, bundles of nerves badly hidden beneath shy blushes and lingering stares. On Valentine’s Day, Daichi had stumbled across Suga gently turning down a confession from a girl in his class, and failed to hide himself before the setter caught him just around the corner of the gym. Only then did Suga finally come out to him as bisexual, and admit that he already had a crush on someone else. 

Not that Daichi was able to connect the dots any faster. When Suga had asked if he wanted to hang out on his birthday that June, Daichi had stupidly asked, “Me? Don’t you want to ask your crush or spend time with your family?” 

“…Daichi.” 

“What?” 

“For someone so smart, you can be really stupid sometimes.” 

Suga’s pout had done nothing to hide his flushed cheeks, and finally Daichi realized, “…Oh. Me?” 

“For both of their sakes, I hope Hinata’s a lot faster on the uptake than either of us were,” Suga muttered now, giving a meaningful side-eye to Daichi. 

“I doubt that,” Daichi snorted. “Just...whatever his reason is for not saying anything yet, he’ll tell us when he’s ready. Okay?” 

Suga stole one last glance at Hinata before finally flashing the smile Daichi was waiting for. “Roger that, Captain.” 

Despite his teasing words and shit-eating grin, Suga still looked so...Daichi couldn’t find the words, but he could feel the overwhelming urge to kiss him, and it took everything in him to settle for shoving at Suga’s cheek. “Shut up. I swear, if those little punks get into some drama and ruin our freak attack, I’m gonna kick their asses so hard…”

[nightswithkookmin]

Hello fellow Jikooker and a brave one i must mention. I am proud of u and any other Jikooker like u if they exist. I like how u handle hate asks and not take it personally. I know it can be hard sometimes but keep doing what u doing and people will eventually may be learn to f..k off

Now for my ask Do u think people are taking cultural context to another level just to cancel some Jikook moments because i am also Asian (not from Korea) and i understand their culture as its somewhat similar to mine and may be men here are not like in western countries and express themselves freely even though physical touches but we should remember that regardless even men here will not suck on each others ears. Korean culture is Conservative culture so it has limits forsure. If we compare physical language of men of korea to that of any western counrty it will be different but its not like men in korea or in Asia go on sucking each other ears. Slapping butt, holding hands, sitting on each others laps, or touching genital area jokingly can be seen and let me remind u even men in western countries do this but may be not in a shopping mall or at a wedding party lol but if its a friends gathering everyone does stupid things and i have witnessed it with my own eyes.. i live in US so i can kind of differentiate in this aspect. I just want to say Jikook is real and people will be regretting so much when or if they ever come out. But take my word for it. Being a part if both worlds i can see it.. what do u think about this whole situation ?

Psst. Cultural context my ass!

That's some gay for your ass. Right there in 4k! Right infront of cultural context's salad.

It's 2021. Cultural shock won't cut it. They need to hang it up. FLAT SCREEN!

Fact of the matter is, there are rainbows in South Korea in spite of their conservative culture. In spite of their skinship and fanservice culture. In spite of it all!

Dismissing Jikook on the grounds of culture just doesn't cut it anymore. Their culture does not bar them from being gay.

How can people view BigHit as an unorthodox, unconventional company distinct from corporate Korea in that they have a tendency to pander to the west and acknowledge that their modules and methods fundamentally deviate from traditional Korean business modules; but then in the same breath fail to see how this same company and its entities within it, in order to be part of the international community, allows themselves to be influenced and socialized by international culture in one form or the other.

I mean it's subtle but it's there. It's in the donations to Black Lives matter, declaring a stan on it, apologizing for the cultural and racial insensitivities, apologizing for sampling Jim Jones, delivering key notes at the UN, pushing for recognition and inclusivity in the US music industry and awards, the English in their songs, the English subtitles, overtly participating in international culture- but then suddenly when it comes to LGBTQ plus issues people think BigHit and BTS are deaf, blind, retrogressive, socially unwoke or unaware of it, conservative about it in the way most Kpop companies are, and a bit blind to the fact they hold so much influence and political power social wise and merely appropriate queer culture and draw on queer aesthetics to depoliticize queerness and marginalize a huge fraction of their fanbase.

So which is it? Is BigHit woke or not? Are they international or not? Are they tailoring themselves to fit into the international community through awareness or not?

It's really discombobulating. I swear to God.

I think people need to pay attention to what is going into BigHit and BTS's socialization.

Besides, love is a universal language. It transcends race. It transcends culture and language. It transcends people and systems. If Jikook are in love with eachother what has their culture got to do with it?

A Korean couple in America will still be acknowledged and viewed as a couple based on their behavior alone in spite of their culture or knowledge of it.

Why can't a gay couple be recognized outside of their culture?

Closeted gay couples living in South Korea claim they live in constant fear that people may recognize them as a couple when they walk down the street. I'm sorry, but why would they harbor such fears if their culture excuses gayism? If it's skinship is a normal thing to do in south Korea?

They fake injuries and slip their hands in each other's pockets so people will not notice them holding hands- if it's normal for men to hold hands why would people think these men are gay just by them holding hands?

Why at all did Tae and JK think Jimin was gay in their early days?

I get that cultural differences can act as a barrier sometimes especially to new fans and people who aren't oriented with Kpop culture or cultures outside of their own but education bridges that gap. It's been 7 years of Bangtan, ignorance of their culture is no longer an excuse.

Their President and Culture ministry isn't applauding them because they are stifling awareness to their culture. If anything they are spreading the Korean culture, inviting the world to participate in their culture through experience and education. They are teaching, explaining, and propagating their culture through their music.

Thats the socialization I mentioned earlier. It goes both ways for BTS and for Army- it's ridiculous then for people to now turn around and scream 'y'all just don't understand their culture.'

Rhetorics like these go against the facts, the statistics, the testaments to BTS's influence on trends and culture and negates the hegemonic power of Kpop or BTS and by extension Kculture.

I mean if you don't know about their culture, learn. You got no excuse not to learn about their culture. But I find the weaponization of the cultural differences that exist between BTS and their international fans, in this context, bonkers. People just like to project their inadequacies onto others. That's what it is.

How can we say Kpop or even the Korean culture is taking over world trends and in the same breath claim people are ignorant of that culture?

There is skinship culture prevalent in South Korea, yes but there is an equally prevalent culture in S.K which is Couple culture.

Skinship does not imply a couple. I keep saying skinship is not the reason Jikook is real. Acting like a couple in love with eachother is why Jikook is real.

I keep saying no one should come at me with the 'they held hands ergo they are a couple' 'they hugged ergo they are a couple.'

If Jikook are not acting like a couple by their culture's definition of 'couple' gay or straight, then they are not a couple. It's as simple as that.

If any member sits on another member's lap, kisses their calf but don't act like a couple outside of this, they are not a couple.

Jikook are queer by every standard.

About that Rosebowl moment, there is some I want to say about it but I'm afraid it's going to disillusion a lot of Jokers and give the Tuktukkers lurking around my blogs ammunition. I'll rather not say.

But that moment right there... peak love for me. PEAK LOVE. JK loves Jimin. Whether people think it's platonic or romantic really doesn't matter to me. He loves Jimin and Jimin loves him back. Very much.

That's what I celebrate.

JIKOOK IS REAL

Signed,

GOLDY

[lady-divine-writes]

Kurtbastian one-shot - “Confrontation” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Things get heated at Blaine's first post-quarantine competition when his father and his old coach make a surprise visit. (2397 words)

Notes: Warning for homophobia. Blaine friendly.

Part 68 of Outside Edge.

Read on AO3.

"This is not happening... this is not happening... " Blaine mumbles, pacing back and forth, arms wrapped tight around his torso but carefully so as not to dislodge any of the hundreds of crystals Kurt had applied by hand to this new costume he'd made especially for him. 

A costume so intricate and lovingly crafted that Sebastian turns green every time he's in its presence (even though Kurt has made him close to a dozen of his own).

"It's going to be all right," Kurt says, trying his best to calm Blaine down. He reaches out a hand to stop him but decides against it. He understands the pain of suffering from this level of anxiety. Standing still when you're about to rip out of your skin can be the worst feeling in the world. 

"I'm not doing this... " Blaine decides, tapping his right fist against his left elbow. "I'm not---I'm not doing this... "

"Too late, champ," Sebastian teases, tucking his button-up into his slacks and joining the freak-out already in process. "You've already skated. No backing out now."

"No jokes!" Kurt hisses. "That's not what this is about!"

"Then what is it?" Sebastian asks, growing concerned when Blaine starts to curl in on himself. Sebastian steps in front of him, feeling a need to shield him from prying eyes wandering by. "I was in the can for all of three minutes. What in the hell happened?"

Kurt leans into Sebastian's side and whispers, "His father's here. And his old coach."

"What the fuck?" Sebastian turns in a circle, half looking for the men in question (even though he's never seen either, so he has no idea who he's looking for), but also searching for a place they can hide, get Blaine out of the public eye. "What the hell are they doing here?"

"I... I don't know. I don't know how they even knew I'd be here," Blaine replies.

"They'd had to have Googled you," Sebastian says, eyes darting back and forth over the crowd.

"Why would they do that? My dad said he never wanted to see me again! So what's the point?"

"I don't know," Sebastian admits. Would it be too much to ask that it's because the man actually cares about Blaine? Sebastian doesn't know a thing about him other than he punched his son and threw him out onto the street, so he can't answer that question, but from the outset, most signs point to no. 

Sebastian hopes the man proves him wrong.

He isn't one for seeing the good in people. He'd rather believe that most are self-serving assholes, that way he's not disappointed when he's right. But this is Blaine's dad. And regardless of Sebastian feeling a bit jealous of his relationship with Kurt, Sebastian secretly prays that one day Blaine and his dad can make amends.

Sebastian spots a line of locker rooms, the doors painted to blend with the walls. They're about the size of the average closet, but hunkering down in a cramped room is better than waiting around for the inevitable. "Come on, guys. We can duck in there."

Kurt takes Blaine by the elbow as Sebastian leads the way, barking out a frustrated, "Excuse us. Excuse us," to the skaters yet to perform, who have opted to do their off-ice warm-ups smack dab in everyone else's way. Sebastian frowns when he remembers that used to be him once upon a time - constantly showing off, always in other people's space. His coach had told him it was an effective intimidation technique.

It's not.

It's just annoying.

Blaine sighs as they reach the blue metal door, relief in sight.

It turns out to be premature.

"Still under rotating those triples, I see."

Blaine sighs again, but this time it's a sound of utter defeat, and something inside Kurt snaps. He whirls around, putting himself between Blaine and whoever might be behind them, saying, "Don't you have anything nice to say?" before he comes face to face with two older men trying way too hard to appear important in their expensively tailored wool suits, out-of-place with everyone else around them bundled up in jeans, sweaters, and puff jackets. They can't even wear simple cloth masks, opting for those overpriced dome things constructed of 'space-age materials', clear so people can see the entirety of the wearer's face.

From the corner of his eye, Kurt sees Blaine turn slowly, as if he would rather be anywhere but here, which sucks because Blaine had an amazing skate! A skate Nathan Chen would have been proud of! But that's about to be ruined by the presence of these two a-holes!

"Nice about what?" the same man retorts, and even though that sounds like the sort of remark one would expect a coach to make, Kurt just knows that this man - with the same dark hair as Blaine's, glued to his scalp with a tremendous amount of product, sucking in his lower lip as he grins - has to be his dad. "His lackluster choreography? His offensive song choice? This fruity costume? Or those skates?" He pops his lower lip in disgust as he gestures down to the black Edea skates Kurt customized with rainbow crystals. "Jesus, Blaine! Why don't you carry one of those rainbow flags out on the ice with you! Or tattoo one to your face! That way everyone knows!"

"Most people already do!" Blaine argues, surprising his friends. But it delights Sebastian more. Despite his 'dapper charm' that he lays on thick as oatmeal, Sebastian suspected Blaine couldn't be as meek as he seemed around him and Kurt. Looks like he was right. "And guess what? No one seems to have a problem with it! And if they do, they have the courtesy to keep it to themselves!"

"That's because you're a figure skater. You're surrounded by gays, aren't you?" he snarks, shooting a pointed glance at Kurt. Blaine's old coach (Simon, if Kurt remembers correctly - supposedly a huge deal though Kurt has never heard of him), who has yet to say anything, has the dignity to look embarrassed by Mr. Anderson over that remark.

"Has he always been this much of an ass?" Sebastian seethes. "Or is he doing this for our benefit?

Blaine's first instinct is to defend him, even after everything the man has done. He is his father after all. But he stops himself, gives Sebastian's question a solid think. 

And his answer is yes. 

Yes, he has. 

He's always been an ass. To him and, to a lesser extent, his mother. Nothing has ever been good enough for him. Gold medals, sponsorships, scholarships, endorsements - not a single thing that has come from Blaine's skating has his father ever been proud of.

"What you see is what you get," Blaine says diplomatically. Mr. Anderson's thin-lipped grin drops like a lead weight, and Kurt snickers.

"Your edges have improved," Simon puts in haughtily. "Don't know how that happened."

"It's called practice," Kurt says, "dedication... and the perks of finding a better, more supportive coaching team."

Simon's eyes travel from Kurt's face to a smug Sebastian, and the man rolls his eyes. "I'll bet."

"So, is this what you gave your family up for?" Mr. Anderson asks, waving a hand towards Kurt so vehemently he nearly smacks him. "Or are you still waiting in the wings?" 

Blaine's cheeks burn, speechless that his father held on to those words he overheard and is now throwing them in his face, especially since he never told Kurt about the phone call that got him kicked out. Not entirely. And as far as he knew, Sebastian hasn't either, confirmed by the confusion on Kurt's face.

"You're talking to your son," Sebastian growls. "You haven't seen him in over a year, haven't talked to him during a global pandemic even once to find out whether or not he's okay. He just won his second gold medal of the night. But you're stomping over here like you have every right, and all you care about is his sex life?"

Mr. Anderson raises a stern finger. "This doesn't concern you."

"Yes, it does! Because after you pulled your little homophobic stunt and blackened his eye, he started living with me. In my house." Sebastian stops himself from clarifying further when he notices they're attracting attention. He didn't mean to out Blaine's abuse. Sebastian had no right to let that slip. But with the tunnel of red obscuring his vision, he'd started to forget there's anyone else around. He's got to apologize but now isn't the time. "He owes me nothing. Happy to have him. But you? You owe me plenty."

"What?" Mr. Anderson scoffs. "Do you want me to write you a check?"

"No. But a little gratitude, knowing that your son was in good hands this entire time, might be nice."

Mr. Anderson laughs through his nose. It's as unattractive as it sounds. "Never happening. I offered to take him back. He felt he knew better. If Blaine chooses to live in a den of sin, that's his business."

Sebastian shakes his head in disbelief. Blaine's father isn't talking about pre-marital sex. Hell, if Blaine was kicking it with some busty blonde cheerleader this whole time, his dad would probably be ecstatic. 

He's referring to the fact that the three of them are gay.

Some people. 

Well, if he wants to be an epic jackhole, fine. Two can play at that game.

"You know, since you're so concerned with who your son is being intimate with, since that matters so much to you, it might interest you to know that he's not just screwing Kurt here. He's fucking me as well." Sebastian pauses, lets those words sink in, and soaks in the delicious fallout. He doesn't know whose reaction he likes better - the men in front of him scowling like he farted in their masks, or the boys standing beside him, staring at him wide-eyed and growing pale. "Oh yeah," Sebastian continues, fueled by the conflicted awe in Kurt's eyes specifically. "The three-ways are plentiful, in every position."

"You... you little liar!" 

Sebastian shrugs. "I mean, that's what it's all about, right? What do you think's been going on at my house while he's been living there? He's gotta pay the rent somehow."

"You're disgusting!" Mr. Anderson sneers.

"You're one to talk - a middle-aged man whose only concern about his son's welfare is where he sticks his dick! Give this a lot of thought, do ya? Talk about it over dinner and shit?"

Mr. Anderson takes a step forward. Blaine and Kurt take a reflexive step back - social distancing and all. But Sebastian doesn't budge. "You listen here, you... !"

"Is there a problem?" a man dressed in a red, white, and blue windbreaker emblazoned with the name of the rink they're in, asks. They'd been so engrossed in this pissing contest, no one noticed the man cut through the crowd to reach them. Mr. Anderson steps back, aggressively straightening his jacket. Kurt thinks he hears a seam pop, and he flinches on behalf of a thousand-dollar sports coat.

"No," Mr. Anderson answers quickly, annoyed by the interruption. "No problem."

Seeing a way to put an easy end to this, Sebastian speaks up. "Actually, there is. These men aren't coaches or skaters. And they're harassing us. So could you please... ?" 

Mr. Anderson chuckles. "Right. Good luck with that. I have no intention of going anywhere."

The attendant shakes his head. "I'm sorry but... " He turns to Mr. Anderson "... I'm going to have to ask you gentlemen to leave. We need to keep this area clear."

Mr. Anderson's eyelids narrow to slits. "What?"

"We have a capacity limit." The man points to a sign posted nearby. Neither Mr. Anderson nor Simon looks. "Skaters and coaches only. Everyone else has to go back to the bleachers."

"Are you kidding me!?"

"Unless you have a pass... "

Mr. Anderson looks at the three boys. They lift laminated tags attached to lanyards hanging around their necks. Blaine's says 'Skater' in neon green letters, Kurt's says 'Assistant Coach' in bright orange, and Sebastian's says 'Coach' in yellow. Mr. Anderson and Simon have no such lanyards.

Technically, they don't even have tickets to the event. 

Simon used the clout he has left to get them this far. 

"I'll have to call security if you don't leave," the man interjects, reaching for his walkie.

Mr. Anderson sniffs, tries to retain his composure, but he's not a man used to taking no for an answer.

Or being bested by teenagers.

"I'll be seeing you boys again," he says low, like a threat.

"Absolutely!" Sebastian says. "Stop by Westerville Ice-plex anytime so my uncle can serve you that restraining order Blaine should have filed the first time around!"

Mr. Anderson doesn't look the least bit amused when rink staff leads him away, glaring venomously at them over his shoulder as he's escorted to the double doors. The three watch, waiting till he's completely out of sight before they breathe easy again.

"That was fun," Blaine says brightly, trying to make light of this newly tense situation.

"Loads," Kurt agrees. 

"I'm so sorry about that. He had no right to talk to you guys like that. Especially you, Kurt."

Kurt smiles. It gets lost behind his faux Chanel mask, but luckily it reaches his eyes. "You don't need to apologize."

"Look, Blaine," Sebastian starts, "I'm really sorry for bringing up... "

"Don't worry about it," Blaine cuts in. He'd happily forgotten about that. He wants to drop it. "It shouldn't be a secret. That's how people like him get away with doing what he did."

"Still, it was kind of shitty."

"Yeah, but that wasn't your fault."

Sebastian puts a hand on Blaine's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. It's the closest thing to a hug he can offer.

"Come on." Kurt puts his hand over Sebastian's. "Let's go get Blaine's medals and head home, hmm?"

"Sounds like a plan." Blaine turns to Sebastian, disarming mischief in his hazel eyes. "So... about that three-way... "

"You mean you, leftie, and rightie?" Sebastian winds a possessive arm around his boyfriend and ushers him quickly through the crowd towards the medal stand. "Be sure to tell us all about it in the morning."

[normal-thoughts-official]

look i want charlie's pov on malec more than anything. tall scary mobster(?) brother of cute gf is melted soft puddle for this weirdly hot dude with great eyeliner and also just generally charlie interacting with magnus actually. hey do u think if he ever found out about the shadowworld he might talk to magnus about it for someone not so close but still trustworthy and kind and safe? aaaaaaaAAAA

ok but you are right and you know what? FUCK IT. au with charlizzy endgame he can be part of the polycule lmaoo and we get to see all the dumb shenanigans that come with that

like LOOK i get why izzy would tell him that the lightwoods are jewelry makers, it's not THAT far from weapons forgery so she can probably pull that lie off, maryse probably knows a little something about it too, and besides there is her shop, but alec? Alexander Gideon Fucking Shit At Lying Lightwood? NO WAY

i mean look alec is smart and he is cunning and he actually can lie when a plan involves it (he was pretty convincing with "i will bring magnus to the clave myself") and he definitely knows how to navigate diplomacy and stuff like that, but when it comes to actually pretending to be something he's not? especially if it involves improvising? my man lightwood fucking sucks. it's the truth. the same man who convinced lorenzo he would arrest his own boyfriend went "TheSE CeiLInGS ARe spECtaCULaR" not a few moments later. do you think he knows JACK SHIT about jewelry other than what magnus and izzy like or don't like? do you think he even knows what mundanes use as means of transportation? this man doesn't know what bees are. i have to laugh

charlie is probably already half convinced that they're in the mob or some shit anyway, with the way Fucking Shit At Lying Lightwood went all "she told you we're jewelers pffft". also he saw izzy kick that vending machine. like he probably thought it was hot valid but come on now. a woman in stilettos KICKED a vending machine right in the middle without even flinching while she was in the hospital tired as shit with withdrawal sweats. charlie ain't stupid. but also he pretends that he buys it and is all ":) love jewels" just to see what they will come up with

alec gets desperate and asks magnus for help. magnus is just like why do you think i know shit about jewelry making?? alec is like "well you mix up stuff all the time. also you wear them. didn't you design our wedding ring?" and he's like "alec i used mAGIC for that. also do you think making POTIONS is the same as making JEWELS?" and alec is like "i'M DESPERATE"

cue the both of them having an intense research session. for like two whole weeks you can find the both of them at any given time watching boring as fuck documentaries about jewelers and taking notes and shit. they even get some tools so they can PRACTICE just in case charlie fucking? asks to see alec work or something? they are himbos. and of course it's all for nothing because that is NOT the part someone who's not in the field would focus on, so as soon as charlie goes "so, what's your specialty?" alec's like "what's a specialty"

bonus he looks up maryse and you know because shadowhunters are fucking dumbasses she probably just spawned into the mundane world without any documentation or backstory or ANYTHING so he finds out that maryse lightwood doesn't fUCKING EXIST and her shop just manifested fully formed one day. at this point the mob is the only possible explanation

charlie idly wonders if he should go to the police, if anything to ask about them, but he doesn't want to ruin the lightwood's lives, they are nice. then one day he walks by the police station and who does he see if not maryse's FUCKING boyfriend. "oh my god, they are infiltrated"

charlie probably thinks that alec buys magnus all his fancy stuff with like laundered money or something. he's all like "haha hey glad to see that they are so accepting of gay people in the mob- i mean jewelry making business :)"

and THEN he asks magnus and alec how they met and they are like "uh" and magnus is like "alec was. a frequent client" cuz you know not a LIE but what the hell was this mobster always going to Fancy Guy for? maybe alec doesn't buy him his stuff maybe magnus is ALSO in the mob. maybe he's a hitman or something. damn, they are really open minded in the mob

except magnus is too sweet and nice to be a hitman so either he's excellent at pretending or he also has nothing to do with any of this. maybe he's like, a tailor or something. mobsters also have to buy regular stuff right? they wear a lot of suits in the movies or whatever. maybe he's their lawyer. he's gotta be pretty good at what he does if he manages to save these guy's asses in court, because they kinda suck at blending in (bonus somehow izzy's trial comes up in conversation so he is like. oh my god magnus IS their lawyer. and his admiration for the guy just doubles cuz really, how)

so he decides, you know, if this guy is also unrelated to the mob he should probably talk to him or something. magnus is trustworthy, he figures. also, i mean, same situation, right? regular folks who just found themselves in love with weirdly sweet mobsters. maybe they can trade tips. if magnus is their lawyer, he probably knows how stuff works better than charlie anyway

so one day he shows up at magnus' and he's all like "i want to preface this by saying that i won't tell anyone" and magnus is sweating already because FUCK there's a potion simmering not two rooms away and alec's bow is rIGHT BEHIND CHARLIE HANGING IN THE DOOR. and charlie is all "do you know what the lightwoods actually do?" and magnus is like "uhhh, yes, they are jewelry makers" and he's like "come on magnus. did you really think i wouldn't figure it out? they aren't jewelry makers. did you know that maryse lightwood doesn't EXIST? hell, i bet none of them do"

cue dramatic "i know what they are" "say it. say it out loud" "mobsters" "what?" "what?" "uh"

and magnus is all like "haha charlie don't be silly of course they are not mobsters. excuse me" and shoos charlie away somehow

he probably has to EXPLAIN to the lightwoods what the mob even is cuz let's be real, there is no way they know. and everyone is like well this is very fucked up! and alec is like "hey actually we should just pretend to be mobsters, that would be easier. it's way closer to what we actually do. jewels, izzy? really?" and izzy is like "alec i'm not telling my boyfriend that we are MOBSTERS!!!" and alec is like "well of course not, that's what a mobster would say. but we can pretend that we are pretending to be jewelers but REALLY we are pretending to be mobsters who are pretending to be jewelers, leave some clues here and there, and actually convince him because he thinks he knows our secret" and izzy is like "no!!!" and alec is like ":("

(magnus is like "that was a very good plan, honey" and alec's like "right?" and magnus is like "yes, very complex, i like it. you'd make a good mobster, you could use your Shadowhunter Mode" and izzy is like "can you guys PLEASE save this for later")

anyway they probably sit charlie down and have a "charlie we are totally not mobsters and here is why" talk but charlie is very clearly like "hmmm. doubt" so after some more sweating and shit they decide to just tell him the truth lmao

bonus points if charlie goes all "THAT'S your newest lie?" and then magnus starts floating or something and he goes "oh ok i see. can i lie down for a second". i mean realistically he would probably test them but once magnus straight up portals them to paris he kind of has to face that maybe he wasn't that right. maybe luke even turns in front of him and shit. or the lightwoods use the runes to become invisible. you know. but THEN he goes "oh ok i see. can i lie down for a second"

but hey at least his cute gf isn't killing people on the side! just demons. who exist. well he can just not think about that!

hey this is random but i was picturing someone mentions that the mob sells drugs and izzy is kinda upset because, you know, she's struggled with addiction lmao. and protective ass alec is like >:( but then later izzy talks about it with charlie and it's like, sweet? extra points if she's like "worst part is that you're not even that wrong. i dragged raphael in with me" and they talk about that you know

anyway yes you are RIGHT about him going to magnus to talk about the shadow world, like, at least it's not the mob! and he was ready to talk to him about that anyway. and magnus out of all of them is the one who best understands mundanes so he can help a lot because he kinda knows what charlie will be thinking, unlike the rest of them. hell, maryse is taking classes on being a mundane. like. come on

and just aaa honestly i would just really like to see that friendship? and see charlie being all excited cuz you know he's a DOCTOR so imagine all the shit he can learn from them! and eventually magnus mentions catarina and charlie gets to meet her and he becomes kind of her inside man helping her cover her tracks when she uses magic to cure a patient that wouldn't make it otherwise or something, and he is really happy with that. and it's just sweet you know? and just yeah generally give me charlie getting close to the downworlders, maybe even getting gifts from madzie because he's been helping her mom so much, like enchanted flowers or something, please and thank you daodhsaoijdsaoi

[zosonils]

i'm sure EVERYBODY will ask this but top six pnf episodes? (if someone else has asked first pretend i asked pnf songs instead ok)

hdfnjkfb you’re the first person to ask so you’re good!! god this one is fricking hard though. to give myself a selection small enough to work with i’m gonna restrict it to just 11-minute episodes as opposed to double-length ones or specials, and it’s also worth noting that this could probably change any minute just based on my mood lmao

6. vanessasary roughness - just some general all-around good fun y’know! y’all know i am ALWAYS down for a ferb centric episode and the other characters who get the most focus in this episode [candace and stacy, buford and baljeet, perry and his fucking swag ass outfit] are also very cool and fun to watch. it’s the lowest on this list for attempting to make me not throw up at the idea of f*rbn*ssa but fortunately it’s just a tiny moment at the end that i can Choose Not To See. look he’s just happy to be hanging out with someone he thinks is cool

5. gaming the system - as far as the ‘cartoon episode about video games made by middle-aged guys who have probably never touched a video game’ trope goes this is genuinely really good. [on that note honourable mention to brain drain for giving us canon gamer ferb and platypus controlling me but i like gts just a little better for various reasons.] not only is the video game aspect surprisingly bearable but this episode straight up hands you so many trans rights between trans doof and phineas genderqueer moments. it’s also host to a bunch of stupid injokes with me and my friends so it can never leave my brain now ever

4. my sweet ride - THIS ONE JUST HAS SUCH LOVELY VIBES IT’S UNREAL,, between the really cute outfits and ferb hardcore stimming the whole time and candace getting to have a good day where the universe doesn’t immediately bend over backwards to spite her for no reason it’s absolutely jam fucking packed with free and easy serotonin. there’s not much more to say about my sweet ride it’s just a nice episode with a fun premise and a bumping song. look at this FAMILY

3. doof side of the moon - okay a lot of this is nostalgia blindness because it was hidden in the bonus features on the very perry christmas dvd so i watched it enough as a kid to commit the audio to memory BUT IT’S STILL REALLY GOOD Y’KNOW. i distinctly remember being absolutely mesmerised by the visuals in the floor after floor sequence and i STILL am god damn it, even if dsotm was a completely unremarkable episode in every other way i’d probably still have thought about it just for that, but it’s genuinely super good and fun even outside of having one of the best musical sequences in the entire show. i am absolutely obsessed with the lore implications of the moon in the phineas and ferb universe having a 384,400 kilometre tall building sticking out of it [by the way if i had a nickel for every time phineas and ferb have vandalised the moon i’d have 3 nickels, which isn’t much, but it’s weird that it happened thrice], and the episode even manages to make irving pretty bearable which is impressive

2. the baljeatles - y’all the baljeatles did SO MUCH. invented gay fashion, had one of the best songs in the entire show, ferb in pointy anime sunglasses????? i personally see it as the definitive episode where baljeet completely and entirely cements himself as a Good Character and never goes back, which is awesome because i fuckin love baljeet, and in general it’s just a really fun episode. only criticism is that it doesn’t have isabella in it when we KNOW she would absolutely rock a punk outfit. i can let this grave transgression slide just this once though because the rest of the episode is genuinely so fucking cool. absolute me and the boys moment

1. bully bromance breakup - goddddd this episode is SO FUCKING GOOD it’s got everything. phineas autism real, buford and baljeet gay moments, legitimate interaction between the a-plot and b-plot? all the kids caring about each other so much?? doof canonically gets his lab coats tailored. it’s surprisingly hard to put into words how much i love bbb but it’s absolutely fantastic, every day i thank it for inventing neurodivergent and gay people

[helisol]

:)

again not a finished fic but very extensive notes, this one’s a chonker, 4k words

tl;dr: take it a ds9 but make it into high fantasy wizards. garashir, kiradax and quodo. we’ve got it all here folks.

SO BASICALLY 

I read a book about a young witch apprentice in a world where every magician has a ~special name~ based on an object/plant/animal they’re spiritually connected to.

then I watched ds9 and got introduced to the concept of cardassians being lizards.

the result- wizard lizard.

So Garak “The Lizard” is a mage that got exiled from his home country and ended up taking a pretty neat job in a rural area of a larger empire where being a wizard is Cool and Widely Accepted. 

his duties include keeping the villages around his tower safe, looking for young mages to turn into apprentices, and sometimes making clothes because he’s Still A Tailor.

however, because of his chronic “i no wanna work” disease, this lizard has not actually been looking around the villages near him for magically gifted children. shame on him. 

because through his negligence Julian Bashir, young village doctor, grew up without even knowing that he can do ~magic~

but he soon finds out when his town gets attacked by a Big Evil Magic Monster. The Lizard is taking his sweet time to come to their rescue and Julian can’t just sit by and watch innocent people get mauled by a Chimera or Giant Mantis.

So Julian does the heroic thing and jumps inbetween a wounded child and the monster in the exact second Garak shows up.

And he gets to watch as Julian unleashes some Magic for the first time.

Then Garak Kind Of Abducts Julian So He Can Teach Him Magic

Garak is contractually obligated and allowed to take on anyone who is capable of magic as an apprentice, and he finds Julian’s magic interesting enough to invoke that contract now. Not Julian himself though. Only his magic. for now.

Julian- for like, the first week- is NOT OKAY with being teleported into a tower fortress by a wizard he finds intimidating and scary, and he loudly protests when Garak actually starts to teach him magic spells.

However, this is Julian, and he *is* intrigued by the thought of being able to use magic For Doing Good.

So one night he admits defeat and slinks up to the tower and goes “Okay. Compromise. Teach me healing magic.”

To which Garak is like 👀 “Okay.”

They start having regular magic lessons mostly focused on healing, which Julian is just naturally good at. So they move on to other things. Which Julian is Not naturally good at.

And he becomes very frustrated.

Garak tries to assuage him and says that he doesn’t have to be accomplished in every single field and discipline- which is logically true- but Julian is having none of it since Garak is accomplished in every field.

In a fit of anger Julian unleashes emotional magic again and breaks some of Garak’s things. Books, vials, a desk, nothing super major. But Julian is still surprised and shocked at himself for causing trouble like this and he Runs Away. Straight up exits stage left.

And Garak, who just got flung against the wall by his little apprentice, just rushes to the window and looks as Julian runs away and he is. Disappointed.

Next we have Julian returning home and everyone is like "Doctor!!! You were gone for half a year???" And Julian is like "I thought I was only gone for a month at most-"

Yeah the joke is time flies when you’re having fun because Julian *did* have fun living with Garak. He doesn’t regret leaving though, after all Garak was probably furious after he wrecked his study he wasn’t.

So Julian says to himself "Hmph. I'll just stay home for a week. Garak will hardly notice I'm gone. And then I can make it up to him."

But Then He Stays For A Whole Month

He has to instruct a new doctor to take over the nearby villages, do some paperwork, help some sick people, practice some magic on his own- and at the end of the month He Doesn’t Want To Stay Any Longer.

He’s always been different from the other village people, and now he finally got a taste of what it’s like to have someone help you to achieve your potential and widen your horizon and he *doesn’t* want to give that up for a boring but busy country life.

So back to the tower it is. Julian arrives, the place is kind of messy, and when he finds Garak he is in his study. on the floor. a little drunk, definitely sad, and Very Surprised To See Him.

Here we get a scene where Garak tipsily tells Julian how much he’s grown to appreciate him, not just for his magic talent, but as a person- and that he’s missed him.

But The Next Morning Garak Does Not Remember

And he's just like "Oh Julian. Youre back. I'd almost forgotten about you."

For a second Julian wants to punch a wall because *Yesterday You Told Me You Missed Me*, but then he just Smiles. settles for what they have right now. and asks Garak to continue teaching him magic.

so they go on. and have. so many gay moments.

And then Garak gets told to attend some kind of magic council meeting/banquet.

Julian says something along the lines of "Oh well, guess I'll stay home. You know, protect the fort. Practice magic." but he's a little sad about it.

But garak just goes "Hmm No. I'm taking you with me"

"What-" "I'm introducing you as my apprentice to the magic council." "W h a t-" "Oh also you need pretty clothes for this so I'm gonna make you some. Since you’re a commoner with no actual taste." "W H A T-"

So garak makes a really nice suit for Julian and for himself they match and they go to the Cool Wizard Banquet.

At which Julian meets a lot of wizards and witches and he's like "Wow this is so exciting!" but he also realises he is a Total Country Bumpkin And Noob compared to these people and their apprentices.

He also hears that Apparently the Local Wizard of every region is supposed to do a 5-yearly sweep of the surrounding towns to check for kids that have magic potential and then send them to Magic School/take them in as their apprentice directly.

And Garak. Did not do that.

He was Lazy and Angery. Exile will do that to you.

Julian isn’t too happy when he learns about this and he walks out of the banquet hall into the garden- to where Garak follows him.

"So just because you were all bitchy about having to follow this country's rules about magic you let me grow up not knowing my full potential? How many of my childhood friends might be able to do magic if they tried?"

“I was in a really bad place back then."

"SO WHAT? Things are okay now because you found me? If you had been two minutes early during that attack you wouldnt even know I could use magic!"

"...but I *wasn’t* early!"

So Julian just throws up his hands in frustration and leaves to get away from Garak for a while.

The next day he mingles more with the other apprentices and they exchange Ideas and Skills and also Gossip about their teachers.

Some of the apprentices suggest that Julian could go to magic school for a while before applying for a *new* teacher, since obviously Garak did him wrong.

This doesn’t sound like a bad idea, so he talks with some older mages and most of them are friendly and are like “Oh yeah, sure, we’d love to take you in.”

But then it turns out a lot of people are talking behind his back about how much of an outlier he is.

(wizard culture is like 50% magic and 50% gossip)

So Julian is standing on a balcony and down below he hears a group of Douche Wizards discussing his inadequacies.

And it kinda makes Julian feel like absolute shit, so his powers go wobbly again. But then enter stage right: Garak

Who properly puts those wizards into their rightful place like "Say one more bad thing about my apprentice and I’ll blast your punk ass back to Romulus. You should KNOW the reason why I dont usually take apprentices, but here you are anyway saying he has no power. He has more power in his pinky than all of you combined."

Turns out there’s an extra layer to Why Garak didn’t do the "Check for Magicians in your Area" thing- it’s because he openly has no interest in training or working with anyone who isnt Special or Powerful.

Which means Julians happens to be. very special. and very powerful.

And hearing that from Garak makes him go 😳

His emotions are running high and he starts *floating*. Probably the worst thing to do on a first floor balcony out of All The Things To Do On A First Floor Balcony.

So he’s Floating and he doesnt know how to make that Stop.

He panics, starts falling and basically crashes right into Garaks arms.

"Oh great, youre right on time. We're leaving."

"What? But the banquet lasts for a week?" also I'm still a little mad but also a little in love with you?

But Garak has already teleported them back to the tower before he can really argue.

Anyway Julian is upset about many things overall, but mostly that he didnt get to dance. He practiced a lot in his off time.

Thank God Garak Knows This 

"...I know how to make magic music. Let’s have a little fun at least."

They dance and Julian starts floating *again*.

Garak 👀’s @ Julian floating "Okay I’ve been recording most of your emotion based powers. This is new."

Julian just Floats Higher out of embarrassment, so garak is like ‘well I'll just join him up there.’

So he does and Julian is like “WHY CAN YOU DO THAT. SHOW ME HOW TO DO THAT. HOW CAN I CONTROL THIS."

Turns out his emotions are too unclear, which makes his magic unbalanced, so really all they have to do is get him some Clarity.

Garak is like "Well one very easy way to do that is-" and then they kiss in the air. Floating. because I’m gay and I will use gay magic tropes as I see fit.

so that’s the garashir side of things, on to kiradax

There's Some Slow Burn In There

Basically Kira is a mage, but instead of using magic to fight she just Enchants Swords/Arrows/Other Weapons.

Because she fought in a wizard war and when there's not a lot of mana potions to go around you have to get creative.

She didn’t get a proper magician name because she was actually never anyone’s apprentice, but people still call her The Blade because she is just so cool.

Anyway in this universe mages age very slowly, and Kira is probably around 60 years old when she meets Jadzia. Which is not a lot in wizard years.

She does feels a little inadequate about being so Young and Inexperienced she didn’t really expect nor wanted to run into the legendary Jadzia Dax who everyone thinks is like 300 years old, maybe more.

So meeting someone who is her complete opposite just makes her go "Hmph. I dont wanna associate with you." 

But Jadzia keeps popping in randomly around her almost every day until Kira snaps like "WHAT is your problem???"

“I never learned how to enchant tools."

"What."

"Can you teach me?"

"The great Dax has never enchanted a single tool or weapon?"

"I took care of everything with other types of magic. Will you teach me?"

So Kira Nerys, The Blade, the person everyone looked down on because she uses enchanted tools instead of magic for everything- is being asked by this legendary mage to teach her something. What an honor. What an incredible thing.

But She Says No

So Jadzia keeps bothering her every day.

But eventually bothering her turned into "Hey wanna get some coffee? Wanna go to the library with me? Can I look at you while youre in the smithy? Do you wanna look at me while I come up with new magic formulas? Wanna get drunk together and maybe kiss but definitely have no recollection of it in the morning?"

- over a span of 10 years.

But at the end of those 10 years Jadzia still hasnt learned how to enchant tools.

And it takes One day at the magic banquet for Nerys to actually realise the Implications of that.

It’s the third banquet they've been to- together, as each other’s plus one.

They color coordinate their robes and wear matching accessoires. The works.

And Kira decides that now is the day to grill her Totally-Not-Girlfriend about the reason why she sticks around.

"You could have just gotten someone else to teach you how to enchant things."

"Why would I need anyone to teach me, I have you to enchant things *for me*."

"No but before I started doing it for you. Like the whole first five years of knowing me."

"Oh well I didn’t want anyone else because I was very much infatuated with you."

And Kira just bluescreens. Error 404 nerys.exe not found.

Until she catches herself.

"You...*were* infatuated with me?"

"Yes? You obviously never saw me that way though. So I stuck around for the good company and the coffee."

Now you see over the course of 10 years Kira’s irritation about Jadzia slowly turned into Something Else. But she thought Jadzia only saw her as a friend.

On the other hand Jadzia definitely had feelings from the start, but because kira was in Denial she didnt act on those feelings.

If I were a shitty writer or- god foirbid- *Straight*, I would have there be a miscommunication right about now and prolong their useless lesbian suffering.

But I’m not.

Basically Kira just goes 

"Okay but when you say *were* attracted to me does that mean you *stopped*?"

"Uh. No?"

"Cool. Excuse me, I need a moment."

So she tries to hide from this sudden revelation and her feelings in a hedge maze, but there’s no use hiding from Jadzia.

 Who, instead of just walking around the labyrinth to find her like a normal person, basically whacks down the bushes in a straight line until she reaches Kira.

"THERE YOU ARE! I used this completely unenchanted sword to get to you and tell you I definitely still like you. Now will you PLEASE teach me how to enchant tools as your first courting gift?"

And Kira is like "God yes you dumbass-" and they kiss.

now wizard quodo is funny because I kind of started this part as a joke but then it all got Serious

First of all Quark is Actually A Really Powerful Magician.

But what does he do with his great power?

Move from his home country to the city of wizards and open a bar.

Because he is still fundamentally *Quark*.

And Odo is still fundamentally Odo, because he is a Shapeshifting Alien From Actual Outer Space You Know.

He still went through the whole "I was studied by scientists (wizards) and couldnt let them know I was sentient for a long time which made me very grouchy and lonely" thing.

So Odo spends like ~100 years going from captivity/being an object of scientific study to living as a guard in the city of wizards.

Basically everyone thinks that Odo cant use magic- including Odo- because, well, he’s a bunch of slime that came from a meteor.

Then he meets Quark, powerful wizard and bartender.

And he has *no* idea who he is.

Only that he’s the guy who runs that one shady gambling bar and is involved in some illegal business.

And Quark is like "Ah finally. A worthy opponent."

So he and Quark have the same vibe as on DS9- where Quark keeps doing illegal stuff and Odo tries to stop him and the universe decides to say enemies to lovers 400k words slowburn.

And one day Quark gets into some Seriously shady business with some people who are now very aggressively demanding Quark give them their money back

and they're. you know. threatening violence.

Odo shows up and right before this one dude is about to straight up sucker punch Quark he's like "HALT!" and Wow He Made A Magic Happen.

Now. Because Quark is Indebted to Odo. He is expected to take him on as his magic apprentice.

At first he is Not Down For That. They both aren’t. So even though technically they are teacher and apprentice they both just refuse to work together.

Until Odo goes to check up on Quark one day- because as we all know he makes it a point to drop by his bar four times a day just to let him know he's thinking about him- and Quark is in trouble again.

Only this time Odo is like "I'm not gonna help him. I dont even know how I *could* help him. Since he hasn’t taught me any magic, the bastard."

So he wants to just pass by and leave when Quark basically starts to just Demolish these people with magic in a frightening and totally not impressive display.

MIND YOU Quark is still generally incompetent. If this was D&D he'd have like, very low skill points but unlimited spell slots.

Anyway Odo goes 👀

Because him being unable to use magic in a country/city where everyone he *knows* can use magic has always made him feel bad.

So he goes to Quark like "Okay. I changed my mind. Please teach me magic."

And Quark tries to teach Odo magic, earnestly. 

And Odo tries to learn magic from Quark, for real. 

But the key word here is *try*.

Because neither is very good at what theyre *trying* to do.

Odo didn’t Really want to learn from Quark and that's pretty much the reason why Quark doesnt Really want to teach Odo. But They Try.

There’s a lot of fights and arguments and "You’re not doing it right" vs "You’re not explaining it right"

But hey, at least Odo can now do some magic, which makes his guard job a lot easier.

He also gets to socialise more with other wizards and their apprentices, and he becomes a generally happier pile of humanoid goo!

Meanwhile Quark slowly but surely turns into a more Respected wizard. And his bar also becomes a bit more respectable as well.

it's almost like,,they both wanna be,,,,their best selves,,

and learning to work together has Somehow set them on the right path,,,

idk man sounds kinda gay,,,,

But then the banquet rolls around.

Quark is like "Oh fuck I Have to take Odo to this social function because hes my apprentice and thems are the rules."

and Odo is like "Oh fuck I Have to attend this social function with Quark because thems the rules."

The vibe they’re both getting is- "It's all fun and games when we're by ourselves but Somehow acting friendly in public feels Wrong." 

So they agree to Arrive together and then split up and spend as little time as possible together lest they fall victim to some kind of *feeling*.

And like all plans that Odo and Quark make it works out brilliantly for Exactly 5 Minutes.

Because while Quark is talking to his accomplished and very boring wizard acquaintances he kinda realises "God I wish Odo were here-"

And as Odo is talking to all these annoying ass apprentices he kinda realises "God I wish Quark was here-"

So that's what they do on the first day of the banquet. and the second. and the third. 

They just keep only seeing each other from the corner of their eyes but dont really get to talk/argue about anything and it's making them feel Not So Good, Actually

Now the fourth day is the kicker.

Because while Odo is talking to some people he gets tapped on the shoulder and there he is! The worst father on this side of the galaxy! Doctor Mora- but like, as a wizard scientist.

"Oh my god Odo? You’re here? How did you manage that? You can’t use magic dont be silly! *I* studied you and who would know you better than me? What? *you* know yourself better? Nonsense, now walk with me- how have you been :)?"

Obviously Odo is getting Very distressed but he can't exactly say No, so he walks around with Mora.

They sit down near a fountain and his ‘father’ just starts grilling Odo about what he's been up to.

And eventually they start talking about Quark

"Wait, *Quark*? The absolute magic failure who runs that disgusting establishment? That Quark?"

"Well I wouldnt put it like that, he’s not-"

But Mora goes on- "Oh no my dear boy that won't do! You have to learn from a *good* wizard. Like me! Dont you want that? Oh I'm sure you want that. That nasty good for nothing will resign as your teacher first thing tomorrow!"

And Odo is like "Now wait a minute, Quark might have his flaws, but-"

"There! See, you admitted it. He's flawed. He can't possibly be a good teacher for you. But I would be! I *raised* you."

But Odo is getting Rather Angy right about now.

"Well you did a pretty bad job raising me considering you didnt even know I could do magic until now."

"I can’t believe it. Quark is such a bad influence on you. You never used to talk back at me. This is what happens when you hang around with people who dont know you like I do."

Then something in him snaps and Odo just goes Off on Mora.

"MAYBE *YOU* DONT KNOW *HIM* LIKE I DO!"

And he basically breaks the fountain theyre sitting at with some accidental emotional magic.

So after Mora goes "...I better get someone to fix that-" and runs off, Odo is standing in front of this broken fountain and thinks about how this might be a cruel metaphor for his life. And then the worst possible thing happens.

He Spots Quark Badly Hidden Behind A Pillar

Internally he just goes 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' 

Externally though it’s more like "How much of that did you hear???"

Quark’s trying to lighten the mood with a "Haha well it's hard to avoid hearing things with lobes as big as mine!" 

But Odo is not playing, so he breaks the fountain some more. As intimidation.

So Quark goes "Okay. Alright. I heard all the parts where you defended my honor. Now move aside."

And Odo goes 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAA' inside again, so he doesnt really move but just gets nudged aside by Quark.

Who returns the fountain back to its previous state.

Things are nice and silent for a second but then Quark disturbs the moment by saying "Okay now, real talk- you want another teacher, is that right?"

So Odos head whips up and he goes "No??? What the fuck quark. I thought you listened to that conversation. Youre the only one I want-"

and he Immediately slaps a hand over his mouth because Oh God That Came Out Wrong-

But Quark is just Laughing and being his usual little shit self like "Haha good one, let's go back inside now. (where the social conventions will force us to remain apart so we dont have to confront what you just said.)"

on the inside though- Quark is just as 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' as Odo

"I absolutely Cannot go inside and socialise right now, I’ve had Quite enough of that." 

"Oh...well then...i'll leave you be?"

"No don’t-"

So Odo quickly grabs Quark’s hand (and Quark just fuckin uh dies on the spot) but he's not very communicative at the moment. So Quark kinda has to just interpret that for himself.

"Aaaaalright- let’s just take a walk then."

So they walk through the rose garden. holding *hands*. and Quark points out nice or interesting things while Odo just nods or hums in agreement.

Until they’ve come full circle and end up back at the fountain, where Quark is like "Okay. Wanna go back inside *now*?" 

Because he swears if they spend one more second like this he will HAVE to kiss this pile of space goo and he’d rather Odo make that decision for him.

And Odo is like "I just want to stay with you."

So Quark is like ‘Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool’, pulls them behind a hedge and kisses Odo.

because on GOD I enjoy the “going from an argument straight into kissing” trope, but that one is actually too on brand for quodo so I HAD to change it up.

[outoftheframework]

Batkids nominating Bruce for Queer Eye is dead-ass the funniest thing I’ve read all day. It would be great, imagine Alfred in the little video cards just sassing Bruce for being useless at everything

sigh...

if I must...

The Batkids nominating Bruce for Queer Eye: A SAGA

based off of this post

-As most things do around here, it started as a joke

-Duke, off hand in the batcave after Bruce takes off his mask to reveal super sweaty and matted hair: “jonathan van ness is quaking.”

-The second the words slipping his lips it was a running joke

-Tim, pulling out Bruce’s original suit with blue underwear over the pants: “What would Tan France say if he saw this, huh? Do you want to give the man a heart attack?”

-Bruce: *deliriously making himself kraft mac and cheese at 3am* Dick, through the intercom: “Are you even gonna add avocado to that or do I have to call Antoni?”

-Babs sends a poster from queer eye in the group chat, stating that they need applicants from Gotham for the upcoming season

-The group chat name is promptly changed to “karamo brown is batman and i have proof” and then once more to “make gotham gay again”

-Tim takes leadership over creating his nomination video, which everyone thought was probably a bad idea

-But he ends up creating a really sappy story about a man who has given himself to bettering the lives and his children and their friends and has forgotten about taking care of himself in the process

-However the kids do start telling increasingly wild stories about him to one-up each other and to try to really secure Bruce a spot on the show

-”One time I asked Bruce to pick me up moisturizer at the store and he just brought back a bottle of water. I don’t even think he knows what skin care is.”

-”Bruce has never cooked anything in his life besides boxed mac and cheese and toast. He can’t even make cereal. I’ve seen him try.”

-After their application is sent in, life catches up and they get distracted by work, school, and nightly activities. But after some time, Tim gets an email while on patrol.

-Everyone thinks he got injured because he screamed so loud

-The day comes where the guys were set to arrive to surprise Bruce (the kids doctored a fake introduction video for him so he would have zero idea)

-The kids all sit at the breakfast table, waiting for Bruce to come downstairs while the Queer Eye guys plus a camera crew hide behind the door

-Suddenly a crash is heard from upstairs, followed by angry footsteps, and a tired, sloppy dressed Bruce entering the kitchen

-*deep breath* ”tiMOTHY HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE YOUR SKATEBOARD-”

-The door bursts open and Bruce stands there flabbergasted my the unfamiliar men and camera crew in his kitchen at 8 am on a Monday 

-He lowers his head into his hands to hide the bags underneath his eyes. “Please god.. let this be a bad dream... I can’t do this again...”

-Jonathan comes running up and hugs him, stroking his stubbly beard. 

-Tan politely roasts his baggy sweatpants and ripped t-shirt as Antoni and Bobby explore the immaculate kitchen and Karamo introduces himself to all the kids

-Bruce’s episode is titled “Money Does Not Make the Man”

-Tan is overwhelmed by the amount of tailored black suits Bruce owns

-He puts him into more casual yet age-appropriate street wear

-Bruce purposely buys one shirt because he knows that Dick owns it and wears it often

-Jonathan almost faints when he looks in Bruce’s bathroom and only sees shaving cream on his vanity

-Bruce ends up with a clean-shaven face and a nine-step beauty routine, including two (2) face masks

-Jonathan is constantly play-flirting with Bruce and the kids absolutely crumble when he flirts back

-Bobby makes over the common area of the Gotham City Orphanage instead of redoing any of the manor

-He does a little extra work through funding from WE

-Karamo has a heart-to-heart with Bruce 

-At first Bruce is very closed off and annoyed that his kids forced him into this

-But as the week goes on, Bruce opens up more about how proud he is of his kids even though they can be overwhelming a lot of the time

-Antoni teaches Bruce how to make a healthy and easy family meal for Sunday dinner

-Alfred sheds a tear

-Bruce’s reveal is just a small house party with family and friends where he got dressed up in his new clothes and cooked for everyone

-The guys melt when watching the video and seeing him talk on and on about how happy he was to get his whole family together despite initially being reluctant

-He makes a killer guacamole

-Dick shows up to see that he and Bruce are wearing the same shirt

-Bruce gives a speech about being thankful for his life, family, and friends despite the the ups and downs

-He ends it by announcing that all the kids are still grounded for tricking him

 -The Queer Eye group comes over for Sunday dinner sometimes and is also available by phone any time Bruce needs some sense knocked into him

-All in all, it started out as a meme and ended up as a very positive experience for the whole family. Though it is still a huge meme on the internet, though.

____________

I could create a whole post as just quotes from the episode but IDK if anyone wants that lol

Thanks for reading!

Check out my imagines blog!!

Thanks for the inspiration, @thelampofthemoment

[grouptalekindnesssoul]

Run Boy Run

@ratherstarryeyed Here’s your gift! :D I hope you enjoy. @sanderssidesgiftxchange thanks for arranging this 

(I promise Patton does not play a huge role. He becomes a background character very quickly)

Summary: Janus was the crown Prince, until a charismatic group of pirates swooped in and stole him away. Featuring mentioned gay pining! 

Warnings: Swears, Unsympathetic Patton, I switch names halfway. 

“Prince Damian, you must get up. Your betrothed will be here in an hour” A servant tugged at the prince’s prone form. 

“Then tell her, I am not interested” The prince groaned, rolling out of reach. The servant wouldn’t be deterred however, and continued to yank on his arm. Instead of giving in however, the prince buried himself deeper. 

“Crown Prince Damian Eric Stephan Layor you will get yourself up immediately” An growly voice rang out 

“And what if I don’t want to, father” Damian didn’t move an inch. King Patton was not used to people disobeying him. In fact, it was downright impossible to go against him. However, his son was firmly against the marriage. And it was placing strains on the relations between the two kingdoms. 

“Young man, you will get up, or I will drag you downstairs and forcibly shove you into your suit” The King’s voice went deathly quiet. However, Damian was completely done with it and went limp to make it difficult to move him. The king made true on his promise however, and had his guards drag the 18 year old out of bed and down the stairs. The suit was carefully unsewn and resewn around the prince’s body by the tailor’s magic. 

“Damian, stay low, and stay still” Remy briefly dropped xir shades. Damian nodded, trusting xem without a second thought. Never did xe drop xer shades. Something was wrong. Resigned to his fate, Damian walked under his own power to the meeting room. The king was nowhere to be found, though some of the more important advisors were already there. Damian sat in his marked seat, still as a statue as a crown was dropped on his head. 

“Now, with Princ-” The chief advisor began, moving opposite Damian. Before he could get more than that, a window shattered inwards. Damian froze, lowering himself to be a smaller target. A group of people jumped in, surrounding the table. The one who appeared to be the leader stood behind Damian. 

“Now, I’d tell you to drop yer weapons, butcha already have” A lazy voice began from somewhere to the prince’s right. 

“Hand over your valuables, and tell us the location of your king, and we’ll spare you” A clipped formal voice came from the left. Damian made note of the educated nature of the vocabulary. Before any of them could do much else, the door began to shake and loud voices echoed from outside of it. 

“Grab what you can and scram!” Another voice burst out. Damian couldn’t tell from where in the commotion. 

“Get me out of here. I’m the crown prince and you can ransom me” Damian twisted immediately to grab what he judged to be the leader’s arm. The man looked conflicted before scooping him up and running for the window again. There was a feeling of weightlessness as the man carried Damian away. 

_____

The group fell to the deck panting as their ship pulled away from shore. Damian stared at the boards beneath him, wondering why he decided to pipe up. He didn’t regret his decision exactly, but he questioned it. 

“What’s your name kid?” A voice cut into his internal crisis. He turned to see the captain of the ship.

“De-Janus. My name is Janus” Damian nodded to himself. 

“I’m Thomas. Welcome aboard the Sides Sailing, my ship” The man smiled, nodding as he helped Janus up. 

“Are you really the prince?” The formal figure drew himself up, adjusting round glasses. 

“...I am. But I don’t want to be” Janus rubbed his head awkwardly. 

“Well then, you’ll fit in just fine,” Thomas said, clapping a hand on Janus’s shoulder. 

“I am Logan” The bespectacled man supplied, offering a bow.

“Roman. And Virgil is over there with the half shaved head, Emile is the other glasses-wearing fool, and-” Janus’s rescuer began to point out people. 

“Ro, they can introduce themselves” Thomas scolded, kicking the darker man.  Roman, as the rescuer had been crowned, ducked his head. A deep chuckle betrayed his complete lack of shame to Janus. 

“Unfortunately, that leaves only me” The last unidentified person added, a quiet chuckle alongside their introduction. “I’m Delphine, only one on this ship who actively breaks rules” 

“Del!” The tallest of the group (Virgil as Janus recalled) swatted at the disappearing figure. 

“Anyways, my pronouns currently are they/she. Emile is they/them. Thomas, Ro, and Virgil are he/him, and Lo is ae/aer” Delphine was back, leaning over Janus’s shoulder from a rope. They cackled at the jerk he gave. 

“A-anyways, what do you guys do?” Janus asked self-consciously as the gremlin climbed up the rope. 

“Mostly trading. The trinkets will sell for massive amounts, if only to the palace staff. If you want, you can join us? We could use someone else of note” Thomas rubbed his neck, shifting feet as the wind caught in the sails. There was a grunt from Delphine, as she leaned down to tug one of the ropes on the port side. 

“Let me stay. I don’t want to be crown prince and I can...you can sell my stuff” Janus blurted out.

“Oh, we figured you would stay. None of us doubted it after the name switch, and how you addressed your title” Logan commented, aer hands adjusting aer outfit. 

“You can borrow some of my stuff. We appear to be about the same size” Del piped up, taking Emile’s offered hand up from where they were hanging off the ship. 

“....Is She always like that?” Janus asked in disbelief. 

“Usually. But you get used to it after a while” The rich voice of Roman came from Janus’s blind side. When the (former) prince startled, Roman’s muscled arms were there and his eyes casting concerned sweeps of the other man. 

“S-sorry. I just had an accident that left me blind and deaf in that side of my face” Janus started, offering a weak smile. 

“Let me look at that, you could have suffered damage on that side of your face” Emile finally spoke up, their hands already wrapping around the arm of Janus’s shirt. 

“They are our medic. You’ll be okay” Logan soothed the Prince. 

“Okay. Thanks” Janus said, relaxing slightly at the gentle guiding of the unarmed person. 

“Delphine, go get some of your clothes. Better to get the exact adjustments needed started” Thomas ordered, and they ducked into somewhere that Janus couldn’t see as he was brought below deck. 

___

A few weeks later found Janus settled among the crewmates. He figured out that Virgil and Emile were a couple, while Thomas and Logan considered themselves the unofficial parents of the group. Thomas constantly joked how they were aro/ace solidarity. Delphine was an enigma and Roman seemed to have his eyes on someone else. 

“Del, you’re the expert. What should I do?” Janus heard Roman talking from Delphine’s workspace, high up off the ground where a hammock was nestled among the various ropes late one day. 

“Ro, I am hardly an expert. But I say, ask him out. Worst comes to worst you say it was a new crush and easily dismissed” The distracted voice of the teen answered after a beat. 

“Yea, but like pocket protector he’s used to finer things. And the pair of us...if I were ever to retire I would have little. I can’t do it to him” Janus’s heart stopped. ‘Pocket Protector’ was Logan. Could it be that Ro liked aer? It would make sense, with the fact that they had known each other a while. 

“Get out of here if you’re gonna be a hopeless gay romantic” There was a thud and a yelp of pain as Roman came crashing down to the deck. 

“Quit fighting on my ship!” Thomas’s voice echoed from below. 

“No promises~” The aloft person hummed. A few moments later a shirt fluttered down onto Ro’s head. “Take that to JayJay. He needs another shirt after he ripped through my other one. Those clothes better buy me more fabric as well as food and water” 

“No promises” Roman mocked, climbing to his feet. Janus began to duck behind the door. Unfortunately for him, the movement attracted Ro’s attention. 

“Oh, hey Janus. Perfect timing, Del just finished a new shirt for you” Roman offered the shirt. 

“Oh, Thanks. Uh, what was that crash?” Janus squeaked in attempted nonchalant chatter. 

“Del literally kicking off her little space” Roman shrugged, brushing past closer than necessary. The muscles made Janus burst out in blush. A sudden jerk sent both men to the ground in a tangle of limbs. 

“I am going to murder whoever is responsible for this shit. Thomas, get your ass up here! We have a problem” Del roared, and the captain appeared out of thin air. 

“What is- not today. Can you help us escape” Thomas glanced over to the smoky port side. His face paled as he peered through the smoke.

“No promises! Haven’t used the engine in a while and it looks like they took out a piece of the sail” Delphine was busy tugging on a line that had suddenly appeared from the base of the sail. Ae reached up to pull a few of the ropes above aer head to pull the sails around to catch the wind.

“I..should go” Roman mumbled, squeezing Janus’s shoulder. 

“Please. Don’t” Janus held tight to the arm, scared. Ro hummed, wrapping it more securely around the man. 

“Ro, don’ move. Th’engine may not be able te take it” Del yelled, a blended accent that Janus recognized from the raid he’d been ‘taken’ in. 

“Running out of time! It’s now or never!” Thomas bellowed over the whir from another engine. Delphine growled, yanking upwards with all aer might, and leaping into the air in the same motion. The deck buzzed as an engine burst to life, and the ship took off. Janus loosened his grip on Roman, shaking as both of his other crewmates relaxed. 

“Thomas, keep it steady. I’m going to do what I can to repair the sail so we can have full maneuverability” Delphine called as Ro murmured soft words into Janus’s curly hair. The rest of the crew appeared, Emile hurrying to check for any wounds while Virgil stuck close with a hand on his knife.  

“You can,” Janus tried to steady his voice “go to your crush, if you wish. I will be fine”  Ro glanced down, his face split with a look of confusion. Janus cursed his upbringing as he slipped back into his educated voice.

“You heard?”

“I did, and I wish to assure you I am perfectly fine” A disbelieving laugh bounced around Ro. 

“We’ll be able to reach the city early tomorrow now that we’re in the air” Logan interrupted. The moment was further interrupted by the slew of curses echoing from the port side. In a feat of acrobatic strength, Del was hanging on the tip of the sail and sewing up the damage. 

“Just tell him Ro. We’re tired of you dancing around trying to figure out how” Vee yelled, a fond smile flickering at the corners of his lips. 

“Janus, I am already comforting my crush. He is stupidly selfless at times, smart, witty, sarcastic, and an utter annoyance”

“So....Del?”

“No, you stupid fool! He is gayer than the fourth of July!” Del yelled. 

“No. It’s you, Janus. Your bravery weeks ago was the first strike. Everything since has snowballed into a horrible crush. And I ge-hmph!” Ro explained. Sensing a self-deprecation, Janus pulled his shirt down and kissed him. There were cheers as they broke apart. 

“Does that answer your lil question?” Janus smiled widely, a sappy look in his eyes. 

“Y-yea” Roman stuttered, face bright red. Del ruined the moment with further cursing from her project. Ae finally cimbed back on deck and unfurled the sail further. She went to Thomas, whispering something to him. He nodded, clapping aers shoulder. The pair disappeared below deck as Roman and Janus made out. Finally, everyone drifted below deck as the ship tilted itself towards the destination. 

~~

The next day, the pulled into port. Logan immediately went ashore, hailing the harbormaster. Janus watched as the crew unloaded things that used to belong to him. It was oddly relieving as it disappeared to the marketplace with Virgil and Emile. 

Roman pulled Janus ashore, running to a familiar figure. 

“Remy!” Janus called as he recognized the tailor. He immediately hugged xem, a whine coming from his throat. 

“Whoa babes! Careful with the goods” Remy patted the man’s head. 

“Hey Remy. I believe you’ve met my boyfriend?” Roman said proudly as Janus let go and grabbed Ro’s hand again. Remy whistled, swirling xir cup. 

“Don’t hesitate do you? Well congrats Damien” 

“It’s...Janus now. I go by Janus”

“Janus! Knew there was a reason I liked you. Now, where can I take my stuff?” Remy waved to a suitcase behind xem. 

“My room is yours now. I’m leaving the crew” Del appeared, his face tired. Remy shrugged and hauled the bag towards the ship.

“Wait, you’re leaving us? And Remy..?” Janus caught Del’s arm in his free hand. 

“Yea. Remy is one of us. Or, you guys. Xe started sneaking us stolen goods a couple years ago. And, it’s time I depart. Your story has no more need for me” Del reached up to kiss Ro’s cheek as he explained. 

“Good luck. I’ll see you around” Del waved as he walked onwards, leaving the Sides Sailing and her crew to their adventures.