#that's how i wrote my last longfic actually

[wren-of-the-woods]

What is nanowrimo?

NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, and it's an annual challenge in which people try to write a complete first draft of a novel in the month of November. The traditional word-count goal is 50k. I'm not participating this year, but it can be a very fun opportunity to write with people around the world and it provides excellent motivation to get words on the page!

Here's a link to their official website!

[lonelywhalien22]

ten seconds to midnight

pairing: jungkook x gn reader

rating/genre: second chance, fluff + sprinkle of angst or angst + sprinkle of fluff idk lol

summary: it's new year’s eve and you see your ex jungkook again for the first time since you broke up with him.

warnings: time and location are abstract af in this fic so don’t try to piece together distances or a timeline from anything in this; I wrote it in a more poetic fashion – it’s just a *vibe* if you will lol

word count: 4.6k

song(s) to listen to while reading: tis the damn season by taylor swift, ruin by shawn mendes, new year’s day by taylor swift

note: cleaned this up to share while I edit my next longfic – this is something sweet with a sprinkle of midnight angst. if you happen to enjoy this fic you’ll probably like what I have coming next so stay tuned. happy new year’s everyone and i’ll see you all next year <3

Two years.

It had been two years since you and Jungkook had seen each other for the first time in that art history class – had studied together, hung out together, and eventually dated.

Six months.

It had been six months since you'd left suddenly. Unexpectedly.

Six months since those words were flung like daggers between the two of you, as if you’d been in a competition to see who could hurt the other more – who could prove they were less attached than the other was. Pretending as if all of those late nights, whispered confessions, soothing touches, and sweet kisses had meant nothing.

As if in some sort of war, the two of you had thrown, burned, abandoned, and trashed every last remnant of your relationship, overcompensating to try and prove that none of the feelings were real, that the vulnerability was all a lie, and that you'd actually been keeping your shields up all along.

It's the reason you moved further away than you'd originally planned after you graduated - why you’d signed on to the extra work at your job, the extra responsibilities…you’d even gotten a new phone number, claiming you wanted a completely fresh start.

It's the reason why your brief visit home during the holidays this year just wasn’t the same. Why Jungkook didn’t stop by with the rest of his family to drop off gifts or send cards. Why you no longer saw him at the store he always used to frequent at a specific time, the two of you in charge of picking up whatever your respective families had forgotten for Christmas dinner.

It seemed like you and Jungkook had finally succeeded in creating an irreparable chasm between the two of you.

So instead, you spent your short visit home for the holidays nervously traversing the town that still held memories of him. You pushed your cart through the local grocery store in a near state of paranoia, drove around town with the windows up, let others in the house open the door when you got the usual holiday greetings from family and friends.

You didn't miss him, you told yourself.

Even as you chose to go to his mom's favorite grocery store, or mindlessly drove by some of your old spots from when you two had been together - eagerly looked out the window of your old childhood bedroom whenever you heard the doorbell ring.

You didn't miss him.

Now it was New Year’s Eve, and you currently found yourself outside on a fire escape in the chilly night air, high above a city you were still getting to know, at a party you didn't want to be at, terrified to go back inside.

How exactly had that happened?

Let’s take a few steps back.

The New Year’s Eve party was one put together by some old friends from college you’d reconnected with in the area.

None of them felt particularly close, but after spending last New Year’s Eve alone in your tiny studio apartment guzzling down an entire bottle of champagne and falling asleep before the ball had even dropped, you figured you’d try getting out and doing something in the city you were trying to call home for once.

As you walked into the crowded party space, you immediately scouted out the food and beverages area - your trusty diversion ever since you’d been to your first party as an underclassman in college, terribly shy and fearful of large crowds. You could still remember the moment you’d spotted Jungkook from afar for the very first time in a cramped living room all those years ago - laughing with his friends in a corner, his eyes on you for the tiniest of milliseconds before he went back to sipping whatever was in his red solo cup. It was his hands you’d noticed first, the handful of tiny tattoos scattered across his knuckles. You’d been so surprised when he’d said hello to you in a class one semester later, even more so when he’d smiled easily as he admitted to remembering you, the mural of tattoos on his right hand having spread, two new ones on his index finger and another near his wrist.

Back in the present, you grabbed a few cookies and some water, slowly sipping on your beverage of choice as you resolved yourself to silently watching the party from a distance. You were here – that was progress enough wasn’t it?

"Y/n?" you heard someone shout your name eagerly.

You were surprised since you didn't think you knew anyone at this party all that well, but the friendliness of the voice made you perk up.

Turning your head in the direction of the voice, you recognized the owner as an old friend from back home.

"Changkyun?" you exclaimed, shocked.

You hadn’t seen him in forever. He was so tall and almost athletic in his build now, that you almost didn’t recognize him.

"Hey! Wow, long time no see!" he smiled and immediately pulled you in for a hug. It nearly squeezed the surprise right out of you.

You two began a conversation and caught up, laughing over old memories and how much you’d each changed since last seeing the other before he interjected quickly.

"Now that I think about it, pretty sure I saw someone else you know around here..." he pondered out loud, scanning the crowd before he spotted who he was looking for.

"Oh yeah, Jungkook is here. Hey JK!"  you heard Changkyun quickly shout across the crowd towards the center of the room.

Before you could even fully register the name of your ex you glanced over to where your friend was calling, instantly spotting the back of a familiar head of hair, though it was longer than you remembered, the ends curling slightly from the length.

“J-Jungkook..." you repeated quietly, eyes widening as your brain registered what was happening.

"You good?" Changkyun asked, noticing the change in your expression. "Oh shit, wait - you two were together at some point weren’t you? Did I -"

The rest of his words evaporated into nothing but muffled noise as you watched the head of your ex swivel around, searching for the source of the voice that had called his name. He was still as mesmerizing as ever - those big brown eyes and soft lips. His hair fell into his eyes as he turned, and it made your view of him both painfully nostalgic and exhilarating all at once.

He was gorgeous. Just like you remembered.

You stood frozen, eyes wide in admiration, until Jungkook’s gaze singled in on you and broke you out of your trance. Quickly his eyebrows furrowed in confusion before they lifted up softly upon recognizing you. You watched as he mouthed your name, as if he was asking himself whether or not it was really you. But it was all muddled within seconds as you realized your vision was beginning to blur. Your throat dried up and your head began to pound, and finally you realized you were about to cry.

For some inexplicable reason, you were upset.

"Damnit," you muttered to yourself, looking down, a tear slipping down your cheek against your will.

"Y/n, are you ok?" you heard Changkyun ask beside you, but you only shook your head quickly.

"I…I gotta go," you barely managed to choke out before turning away and pushing through the crowd as fast as you could. You quickly reached the front door and tumbled out, searching for the elevator before instead opting to take the stairs rather than risk standing around for any longer.

After wandering around aimlessly for a couple floors you came upon a shaky fire escape entrance and yanked open the doors, cool air slapping your face like a tide in a storm. It brought goosebumps to your skin - the chill of the night breeze, the cool steel grates that scraped against your thighs as you sat down, the hard brick of the wall against your back, but still - you found yourself grateful for the getaway.

You shimmied to the side so you couldn’t be seen from the glass door entrance and tried to make yourself comfortable in the space that remained, your legs slipping into a makeshift crisscross position. It was ridiculously cramped, and probably not at all safe, but at least it was quiet. The isolation gave you a chance to work through some of your thoughts without interruptions from annoyingly drunk partygoers.

"Why did I come here," you whispered to yourself, frustrated.

You knew how much you hated parties, and yet you'd gone anyways, only to find yourself in the very situation you’d been fearing since the holidays had come upon you – trapped with him just steps away and nowhere to run or hide.

You were terrified to face all the damage you’d left behind in your breakup with Jungkook - the stuffed closet full of baggage and hastily thrown together lies that you knew would all come tumbling down if you ever saw him again.

If you were being honest, you'd been running from this very scenario ever since you’d broken up with him. Because somehow, after all this time, he still wouldn't leave your head - his smile, the sound of his laugh, the way he could be incredibly cute but could also make you completely flustered at the flip of a switch.

The way he’d felt like a best friend, a confidante, and a lover all at the same time. How he’d made you feel so loved in a way only he could.

You had searched for that same feeling in others, from the occasional coworker to the random blind date, but no matter how hard you tried you couldn't get yourself to fall out of love with him. And deep down, you think you always knew it. You'd be lying if you said there wasn't some part of you that saw a piece of him in everything you did and everywhere you went. You just couldn't lie to yourself anymore – not after seeing how you'd reacted from just seconds of seeing him in person again.

You took a few deep breaths, staring out at the lights and bustle of the city as your finger trailed longingly up and down one of the steel bars that separated you from the open air. Funny how the rest of the world just continued to go on, even when it felt like your little corner of it was being shaken to no end like a snow globe in a child’s hands.

But watching all the cars and pedestrians below carrying on with their lives – it also helped you put your worries into perspective - helped you keep calm.

Suddenly, your thoughts were interrupted by the cracking open of the fire escape door.

Please don't be a couple, please don’t be a couple, you thought to yourself. The last thing you needed were some handsy lovebirds interrupting your ruminations and reminding you of your own failures in the relationship department.

"Y/n?" you heard someone whisper softly. "Y/n, you out there?"

You’d recognize that voice anywhere - warm and soothing when it was singing along to a song on the radio, smooth and sweet like caramel when it was directed towards you, and immediately your body tensed.

The voice continued to call your name again and again, and you could hear his footsteps shuffling around closer and closer to you in the dark. Folding into yourself and squeezing your eyes shut, you prayed he didn’t notice you, or maybe he’d think you were some stranger - turn around and leave you out here all alone like you thought you wanted.

The footsteps continued until you heard the door open one last time, someone mumbling something too far away for you to hear before banging it shut again. You figured he didn't see you, deciding to look elsewhere, and your shoulders relaxed again.

"Didn't think I’d see you here," you suddenly heard loud and clear.

"Fuck," you shouted, too spooked to really think about it before your reflexes kicked in and you jumped, quickly turning towards the voice. "I thought I was alone out h-"

As soon as you looked up you saw that it was your ex. He stood feet away, one hand still lingering on the fire escape entrance.

"Jungkook."

You mumbled his name, aggravated as he raised a brow at your rare curse.

Quickly, you angled yourself back towards the view of the skyline, shaking your head profusely as you attempted to make him go away.

"I don't wanna see you."

"Believe me, this wasn't really how I pictured spending my night either," he retorted, and you couldn’t even lie - the words felt like a cold knife straight to your heart.

He took just one tiny step forward, hand falling from the rusted metal handle of the door.

"I couldn't just let you go off crying though."

"I wasn't crying," you spat out. It was your roughest voice yet, but Jungkook didn’t even flinch.

"You're still shit at lying," he said with a smirk instead. "We may not be together anymore, but I can still recognize the face you make when you're about to cry."

You wished he’d elaborate so you could practice never making that face again, but he just stood still, glancing back through the window. It both annoyed the heck out of you and made your heart flutter, knowing he could still read you like that.

He took another few steps towards you. Like a giant, his stature towered over you as he continued to stand, his feet careful not to step on your fingers.

"Anyways, you left this," he suddenly said, a chunk of metal entering your view. It was your phone.

How that happened, you had no idea. You must have placed it on a nearby table as you ate, distracted by you conversation with Changkyun. You grabbed it swiftly, careful not to touch his hand in any way, but you still couldn’t help but notice the decorative ink that now danced all over his fingers, the way his skin reddened in the cold.

Did he notice you still used the phone case he’d bought you for your birthday?

"Thanks," you told him curtly instead, avoiding his gaze.

You kept quiet, expecting him to finally go away now that he’d returned your phone but instead the silence lingered, Jungkook’s feet shuffling awkwardly.

“Come back inside Y/n,” he said, tone gentle, the edges of his jawline softening.

“Why?”

Jungkook looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Changkyun’s worried about you,” he mumbled eventually. “…and besides, it’s dangerous - sitting out here all alone like that.”

“I’ll be fine. No need to worry about me.”

You could feel his frustration brewing as he looked at you in silent incredulity, a cloudy huff leaving his lips in the night air before you felt him sit right down beside you. His denim-clad knee scraped yours just faintly as he settled into a comfortable position. Together the two of you took up nearly all the space on the tiny ledge.

"You want a drink?" Jungkook offered coolly, a cup of red liquid seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

It was tempting, but you hesitated. After all, you weren’t looking to get inebriated while on a shaky fire escape with your ex nearby to bear witness to some sort of embarrassing, drunken confession of longing. You generally preferred to stay sober anyways.

"It's just cranberry juice,” he told you, as if he could read your mind. “They have a bunch of it to mix with the cocktails."

Fuck.

Not only did he remember how much you hated alcohol, but also that cranberry juice was your favorite?

"You're the only person I've ever met who drinks that stuff," he used to always joke.

Back in the present, you took the cup from his hands, finally looking at him to search his face briefly, but his expression gave nothing away. You took a sip to busy yourself.

A blanket of silence fell between you. It wasn’t awkward or even necessarily tense, but it didn't feel like it was truly quiet either. Instead, it was more like there were a bunch of unsaid words bouncing around between the two of you, trying but failing to break out.

"What're you thinking about?" Jungkook asked innocently, looking down at one of his hands before focusing back on the view of the city skyline.

"Nothing," you shook your head tersely, only to hear the tiniest of hums escape his lips out of disbelief.

"So you're outside all alone, staring at the sky in the freezing cold and nothing's wrong? You sure about that?"

You closed your eyes, more and more memories rushing back to you – like the times Jungkook used to find you alone out on the campus green, just sitting with the palm of your hand pressed against your cheek, pouting as you stared at some point in the clouds. Or how he used to poke you on the nose whenever you laid your head in his lap and stared into space, that same pensive look on your face. His words were always the same every single time.

"What're you thinking about?"

It was beginning to drive you crazy the more you thought about it – how, even after all this time apart, he was still able to pick up on little things like that.

And it made you feel even crazier when you thought about the fact that you still remembered those little things about him too.

Trying to keep yourself from becoming any more affected by his words, you tried a slightly more aggressive approach.

"Well maybe I would be fine if I was actually alone."

But he only turned to face you at that remark, another deep sigh escaping his lips.

"Y/n/n.." he used your nickname this time, and he sounded regretful, like your words had actually stung. "Look, I just wanna make sure you're ok."

"I'm am ok," you said back harshly.

Another bout of silence fell between you at that – this one like a cascade of bricks instead of a gentle blanket.

"Why are you acting like I'm the one who did you wrong?" Jungkook piped up, exasperation inching into his voice.

"Last time I checked, I told you I wanted to be left alone."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about,” he said, undeterred by your attempt to change the subject.

You didn’t respond immediately, not ready to talk about your breakup out in the open.

You weren’t sure you'd ever be ready.

"I told you I wanted to experience other places…" you started after a minute or so, quieter than expected. "You know I never wanted to stay so close to home."

"And I get that, but one week?" Jungkook asked incredulously. "How could you only tell me a week before you left? I thought I meant more to you than that."

You huffed out loud in frustration, unsure how to respond.

It was true - you did tell Jungkook about your big move only seven days before you left. You did it out of fear.

Because you were scared.

You and Jungkook had gotten so close after only two years, and you’d never felt that way about a person before - you’d never felt in love.

It scared you - especially when you thought that maybe you were just getting too attached, too quickly.

If there was one thing you hated, it was dependency. Needing someone else felt like an indefensible weakness, and you were afraid that being with him, needing him, would only hold you back.

All you’d wanted was some space to cool off and clear your head - evaluate how you felt from a distance in solitude, like you always did when you felt overwhelmed by your emotions. When you finally did tell Jungkook about the move, you were hoping you two would just dial things down a little - keep in touch remotely while you took some time to think about your life post-graduation.

But instead, the whole thing had turned into one big shouting match.

Hurtful words had been thrown like weapons on both sides, and by the time the dust had settled, you were driving hundreds of miles away.

You’d ignored his calls, deleted his texts, and even refused to listen to appeals from your mother, who still kept in touch with his family. Distancing yourself away from him had only made your worst fears become a reality, and in turn made it even easier to run away from it all rather than confront your fears head on.

Avoidance was the only way you knew how to approach things that were hard - uncomfortable.

And maybe that's why you were sitting here on this damn fire escape in the first place.

"I just wanted some space," you defended yourself.

"But so suddenly? Was there something I did wrong?" he asked you dejectedly.

You turned to look Jungkook in his eyes, and behind his seemingly calm face you could see real pain. You really had hurt him, and in that moment you wished you could tell him the truth – that he hadn't done anything wrong. He'd done everything right, but you just hadn't known how to deal with the intensity of your feelings.

"Did you really have to change your number? Pretend like I didn't even exist?" Jungkook spoke up again.

"That's not fair," you shook your head. "You really hurt me with your words when I finally did tell you."

"Because you broke my heart," he exclaimed, getting visibly upset. "You told me you never loved me - that all of those memories, all those moments we shared...” he looked down for a moment. “You said none of it mattered. That I’d ‘taken it the wrong way.’"

"I didn't mean any of that," you blurted out loud.

"That's what I told myself," Jungkook started, "but what was I supposed to think when you completely cut me out of your life?"

You sniffled silently, unable to come up with any more excuses.

Simply put, you’d both really hurt each other.

As you focused back on all the lights down below, legs beginning to cramp, you felt a curtain of warmth envelop your shoulders.

Jungkook had draped his denim jacket across your body. You couldn’t help but fixate on how the fabric was soft and worn, and it smelled just like him - that same combo of body wash and cologne that you still couldn’t erase from your memory.

"Are you two dating?" you heard him ask quietly.

"What?" you asked, confused before putting two and two together. "Me and Changkyun? No…"

The question took you aback. What did it matter to him anyways?

"I came alone and ran into him unexpectedly," you explained further. "Why are you here?"

"An old classmate invited me," he told you casually, contemplating his next words for a moment before continuing. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping that maybe I'd see you though..."

You felt your heartbeat quicken at the casual admission, but you didn’t have much time to think about what it meant as he smoothly moved on.

"What about you? I thought you hated parties."

You sighed, hesitant to be so honest but feeling a strange sense of courage regardless.

"Well normally I do, but last New Year’s just...wasn’t all that great," you started.

"How so?"

You took a deep breath before continuing, counting off the reasons on your fingers. "Well, I was alone. And it sucked. I didn't even make it to midnight before I just fell asleep. So I decided this year I'd try going out instead."

"And how's it going?" Jungkook asked, the tiniest hint of a twinkle in his eye. “Tonight, I mean.”

Was he flirting with you right now?

"Not sure yet…" you played along, "but I'm still awake so that's a plus."

Again you sat quietly for a few minutes, neither of you making a move, not a single word shared between the two of you. This time the silence was comforting. You became hyper aware of his knee brushing against your own, and your insides felt so warm that suddenly the cold air didn’t faze you at all.

Maybe, just maybe…

Your quiet stalemate was interrupted when the fire escape door slammed open and the sound of drunken giggles grew louder and louder, a shaggy head of hair sticking itself outside to ogle at the two of you.

"Oh, shoot, looks like this one's taken babe," the random guy shouted in a slurred voice.

"Well hurry up and find somewhere else, I can't wait any loooonger," some poor girl whined, just as tipsy.

They disappeared as quickly as they came, the door shutting with a bang, and you and Jungkook couldn't help but burst out into laughter.

"Was their plan to screw each other on the balcony?" you heard him utter your exact thoughts aloud. Not so innocent memories crept into your mind for a split second before you squashed them.

He's still your ex, you reminded yourself.

"Not sure,” you said instead with a chuckle, “but it certainly looks like we’ve reached that point in the evening where I typically remove myself from the situation."

You pulled your phone out to check the time. "It's midnight,” you realized.

You two had been out there together for over half an hour.

"Guess that means it's time to go, huh?" you heard him ask.

"Yeah…"

Neither of you moved to get up though.

You weren’t expecting to still be with Jungkook at this point, and suddenly you were unsure of what to do. How did one say goodbye to an ex?

How did you say goodbye when you didn't want to?

"Y/n?" Jungkook said your name, pulling you out of your thoughts. You looked at him with bated breath, urging him to continue as fireworks began to go off in the distance.

"Um…" he stalled, clearly trying to find the right thing to say next.

Hating the silence, you improvised, taking off his jacket to give back. The warmth that previously enveloped you disappeared immediately, and it left you feeling strangely empty.

"Here, let me give you back your jacket before I forget."

"Oh…yeah, thanks," he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

As he leaned over to grab it, you quickly kissed his cheek before backing away and looking down, brushing the hair out of your face.

"Sorry if that was weird," you started, "but I just…wanted to apologize. For everything I put you through back then."

To your surprise, Jungkook shifted a little closer to you, lips pulled into a soft smile as he shook his head. "You don't deserve all the blame. We both said things we shouldn't have, and I'm sorry too."

Butterflies burst free in your belly, and the fireworks that lit up the sky seemed to form a faint outline around Jungkook’s head as he stared at you, eyes boring into your own, keeping you frozen in place.

His hand slipped into yours lightly, and you looked at them for a split second, fingers intertwined in warmth as he spoke. Slowly but surely, you felt yourself drawn towards him in a familiar lure, like a moth to a flame.

Like a wanderer finding their way back home.

"Any chance we could just pretend like it's ten seconds to midnight again?" you asked shyly, and he instantly cracked the biggest smile you’d seen from him all night.

Jungkook said nothing, instead leaning in to kiss you gently.

[chameleonspell]

due to a little flurry of interaction on my ancient longfic (WHERE are all these little guest kudos coming from suddenly btw?) i ended up re-reading the second half of HTDC for the first time in... five years??

i didn't mean to, but i got hooked... it's been long enough that i had actually forgotten many details, so i could enjoy being entertained and surprised by it.

obviously there are still things that bug me and that i did not succeed as well as i wanted to at

but

my god, i gave that thing everything i had, didn't i? fuck. i genuinely think i will never write anything ever that goes THAT hard.

i was really racking up the cliffhangers and emotional peaks in that last half, i don't know how anyone reading week by week survived the drama, honestly. i put those elves THROUGH it.

i wrote HOW many full-length song lyrics???

oh god all the conlang, why is there so much untranslated conlang, was i insane? i can't even translate this now.

i will never write anything this romantic again as long as i live??

jeeez, i really dedicated my soul to writing this, for better or worse.

[kiwiana-writes]

I dont think anyone subscribes to you for t rated 5 +1s in your own au lol. Chop chop with those wip’s porn girl!

Well. Quite a bit to unpack here on an otherwise unassuming Friday!

#1:

#2: I actually track this stuff. Admittedly the E-rated percentage is a bit higher if you look at RWRB only, but overall...

#3: I think anyone who subscribes to me on AO3, or indeed anyone who follows the kiwiana-writes tag here on tumblr and sees all those fucking WIPs, knows that I like to write a bit of variety. That's not to say there aren't definite underpinnings of, like, themes and vibes that I return to over and over (which I can only assume are why people subscribe to me), but if someone only likes my college AUs, or only likes my post-canon stuff, or only likes my E-rated stuff, or only wants to listen to my podfics, they're probably going to have a much more successful time saving the tag search than subscribing to me at the author level. Or they've mastered the art of archiving and moving on without complaining about it, like I do when the authors I'm subscribed to write something that doesn't interest me. It's a useful skill! I highly recommend cultivating it.

#4: AO3 not giving series stats is and continues to be the bane of my life, but based on the number of people who subscribed to the OG actor AU, there's probably a significant chunk of people who aren't subscribed to me as an author and only want the actor AU verse stuff. And good for them! I LOVE that AO3 offers multiple ways to subscribe so you can get notified for the stuff you want (my kingdom for the ability to subscribe to individual pseuds, though.)

#5: This fandom is OVERFLOWING right now. Like, I can't keep up. You only want to read E-rated stuff? Awesome! Well over 100 E-rated fics have been posted in the RWRB bookverse tag just this week (it looks like most of the movieverse smut has also been tagged bookverse, but either way it's also very easy to find). Or go back to older fics and find some hidden gems—there's nothing an author loves more than for someone to come in and gush about a fic they wrote a year or two ago.

#6: You don't pay me, and I'm not subject to annual review. One of my favourite authors was talking this morning about how sometimes she thinks about taking a break from writing for RWRB because it's starting to feel a little rat racey, and that would suck for me personally because I love her stuff but god knows I couldn't blame her, because the (extreme minority but still exhausting) entitled comments and rudeness really do not help. Stop treating your favourite authors like content creators who owe you something new on a regular schedule, because that's a damn good way to ensure they don't want to create anything new ever again. Like... anon, you haven't even bothered to couch this in a compliment. The bar is ten feet underground and somehow you still managed to trip over it.

#7: Not to be all 'back in my day' but... well, back in my day, snippets and peeks into the universe of a remotely popular longfic were pretty much the standard lol. Nobody is forcing you to read them, I promise.

#8: I've posted two E-rated fics in the last two weeks.

#9: Honestly I just really want to reiterate #1 because what the hell lol. While pronouns don't equal gender, it's pretty reasonable to extrapolate from pronouns if you don't have any other info to go on—and of the three "main/standard" pronouns, the one most closely associated with 'girl' is the only one that ISN'T in my bio 🤦

[etoilesombre]

Fic Master List

I got tired of having to decide which fic post to keep pinned, so I made this. Proper summaries, tags and warnings all on AO3.

Black Sails

Another Way - Silverflint, E, 29,399 words, complete. Dubcon! But in a very old-school fanfic trope fuck or die way. It diverges from the scene where they get captured taking the warship. They do work through everything in the aftermath, and the end is very sweet actually.

By Faith of my Body - Silverflintmadi in various combinations, but emphasis on the flintmadi relationship. E, Chapter 1/4 posted. Flint and Madi bond over books, the weight of leadership, and being in love with John Silver. FealtySub!Flint, shameless use of literature for my own nefarious purposes, and so much pining.

Another Troy to Burn - Series. Silverflint longfic series, my special precious baby and literally the first thing I ever wrote. It's canon where they're fucking the whole time but it doesn't change anything. There is a moodboard (thanks @jaynovz) and also a playlist.

A Composite Unity - E, 20,366 words, complete. The first two seasons, Flint pov. He is not having a great time.

The Salt and the Sea - E, 60,495 words, complete. Set during the season 2-3 break, how Silver decided to stay and what happened with the gold. He is also not having a great time.

It Only Made Me Real- E, chapters 4/? posted. Silver adjusting to his role as quartermaster, Flint being Flint during the raids. I swear upon everything holy that I WILL finish this series if its the last thing I do, but, it has been on hiatus for a while.

for to fight the cold - Silverflint, E, 11,283 words, complete. Flint arrives to rescue Silver while he is still being held captive on the beach after the failed attack on Nassau. The cathartic murder of Israel Hands, followed by angst, caretaking, and a sexual tension filled camping trip.

If It Was You - Silverflint, E, 17,430 words, complete. Free use gangbang porn that got out of control and also grew a lot of feelings. The boys spend the night in port on a mission. There is only one bed. Flint freaks out and makes questionable choices, Silver walks in on the whole thing, they have to work through it. Cathartic happy ending. The very Most dirty talk.

I'll Carry You Home Tonight - Silverflint, E, 6,604 words, complete. This one is just porn. Season 3-4 break, the guys are newly in a relationship, they get Pirate Date Night. It's working title was 'impact play and 5 phases of ass stuff'.

long as amber of ember glows - Silverflint, E, 7,933 words, complete. If 3.10 ended the way it should have. There are love confessions, and they fuck on the gold. No literally, on it. It's very sweet honestly.

Our Feast is But Beginning - Series. Silverflint Cookingverse! Flint teaches Silver to cook.

Spit-Roasted - M, 5,821 words, complete. The one where Flint shows Silver how to roast a pig. It's canon! Flint is very weird about sex.

Gentille Alouette - E, 11,618 words, complete. Late night cooking dates on the Walrus, continuing intense sexual tension, Flint is basically edging himself. He sure is a way.

Princes of the New World - E, 38,145 words, complete. This one got a little out of hand, it has many things in it, including lots of hurt comfort and caretaking, the guys finally getting together and also not hiding their relationship, some intense gender vibes (Silver gets to be a pampered pretty princess) and yes, even some cooking.

Our Shadows That Are Bold - Silverflint, E, 4,912 words, complete. Dom Silver. The first little iteration of fealty sub Flint, he sure has some feelings about Silver coming into his own as king.

So We Begin - Silverflint, E, 4,038 words, complete. 3.7 missing scene fic that is exactly what you would expect after stomp stomp and the "how good it feels" conversation.

The Soft Animal of Your Body - Silverflint, E, 3,398 words, complete. The watersports one. Yep sure is, omorashi style, with a good side of hurt comfort stuff and also Flint telling a weird dirty story. Set during warship recovery time. This is basically an outtake of longfic because it doesn't quite work there but wouldn't leave my brain.

the sound that you found for me - T, background silverflintmadi, but its really about Silver and Betsy the cat. Yep. 5,699 words, complete. Kittenfic!! Written for the Beach Blanket Black Sails Ficfest, the prompt was 'Betsy has kittens and Silver wants to keep them on Maroon Island.' It's really about Silver and trauma and there are sad parts but nothing bad happens to any cats and there is a happy ending.

stitched with its color - G, silverflintmadi sort of, 1,344 words, complete. The conversation where Madi tells Flint that Silver is alive.

Such Terrible Hungers - E, Flintvane, 3,357 words, complete. Instead of fuck buddies, they're fuck enemies. Fight sex and Flint angst, that's basically the fic.

to pull me from myself again - E, Silverflint, 7,419 words, complete. Written in response to a Tumblr prompt asking for s1 dynamics softe silverflint, Silver's first time with a man. That is indeed it, that's the fic

What Lies Beneath - E, Silverflint, 3 chapters, complete. 11,031 words. Demon Flint AU! Basically make the demon in Flint literal. Silver is fascinated of course.

The Fetch Phillips Archives (aka Luke Arnold's books, go read them!)

announcing your place in the family of things - E, Fetch/Satyr, 6,865 words, complete. The first creature Fetch meets when he leaves the human city is that unnamed Satyr, and that feels like a conscious choice to me. Coulda said 'faun' and we wouldn't be here Luke. Anyway monsterfucking, but in a lovely way.

The Exorcist (tv)

The Smoke of Their Torment - M, Marcus/Tomas, 572 words, complete. A snippet of Marcus angst and pining and also jerking off in a shared hotel room there may be more someday.

[frodothefair]

Man, what a shitty weekend. (I apologize in advance for the whining).

First I had this issue with my meds - which thankfully got resolved.

Then the monthblood.

Then that conversation with my dad about how Frodo does or does not have PTSD, and my writing being too dense for him -- though he is also a biologist and reads and writes papers in English, and yet somehow my literary english is too much for him. So now I wonder... maybe it's not just him. Maybe my writing actually is too much. But I don't know how to write more simply. Cue beating myself up and feeling bad about myself.

Then another issue with my extended family that's come up just today, and that I honestly don't even know how to talk about: it's got too many particulars no one really needs to know, it's too much, but it's not likely to get resolved anytime soon. Does it affect me directly? No. But could it? My anxious mind says yes.

I was getting better with my anxiety in that I do ok with day to day stressors -- like no longer being terrified that I'd make a mistake in my work or get fired. This other stuff... Well, not so much apparently.

In light of the last issue in particular, the family one, I am scared that I'll lose my writing. That's what happened when I was in the Ouran fandom. Some personal shit went down, and for a few years, while I was in residency, I wasn't living, I was just existing. I had produced four longfics and was working on more, when suddenly everything just stopped, and I did not have a thought in my head about my characters anymore. Everything just seemed so... unimportant compared with my grief. Oddly enough, it had nothing to do with the fact that I was in residency, where the workweeks are notoriously long. Like I said, I wrote four longfics while in medical school and I still did quite well. It was not a time issue.

Anyway, even if it's shitty, I want to finish my story, one way or another. I want that for myself and for my readers. But I'm worried my mind will fail me. Please pray that this doesn't happen -- or do whatever secular equivalent of prayer that you do.

[dwarfsized]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤

oh gosh!

that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of was so fun to write, and being in Astarion's head in this particular way--where he's not quite performing, but also trying not to think about what the "dream" is telling him about himself-- was very fun. and there will be a chapter 2. eventually.

baby's first bg3 au fic, eldath's mercy, is maybe my actual favorite because that thing is such a joy. every chapter i go hello beloved readers, i am going to inflict druid things on astarion. and then i inflict druid things on that man. and he hates it. (also something something i keep writing longfic about healing, shut up shut up shut up)

ease was, lmao, so easy to write. i think i literally wrote that in a day. it almost dropped into my lap fully-formed. writing it made me fall face-first into karlach/wyll/shadowheart--a happy accident. there's a series now so i intend to keep writing for those three but god the wips pile is never ending

innatism! I dont often write gore or psychological horror and ive never written second-person before, but i did really like how this turned out.

and of course, last but not least, true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy. my beautiful child who terrifies me. i love you and im still working on you. chapter 6 is coming. tears in my eyes. chapter 6 is coming. dont look at how long its been since the last update.

thank youuuu <3 this was really nice

[emyn-arnens]

End of Year Fic Recs

Tagged by @grey-gazania @thescrapwitch @dreamingthroughthenoise—thank you!

Recommend up to 5 series or multi-chapter fics from 2023 that everyone should read (multi-year WIPs count, if the last update was in 2023).

Recommend up to 5 single chapter fics/one-shots (long or short) from 2023 that everyone should read.

Recommend up to 5 fics NOT from 2023 that everyone should read (oldies but goodies).

Recommend up to 5 of your own fics (completed or WIP) from 2023 that everyone should read.

Oneshots

I'm cheating and doing 10 oneshots because I haven't had the spoons for reading longfics the past couple years. Hoping to change that this next year!

The Aching by @searchingforserendipity25 (G, Maedhros & Celegorm & Curufin, <1k). Maedhros in the aftermath of Finrod's death. Seren wrote this for me, and I have so much love for this exploration of Maedhros' grief over his cousin's death.

A Missive in all Goodwill by @actual-bill-potts (G, Finrod, Galadriel, and Thingol, 3.3k). Finrod tries to forestall the growing tensions in Doriath and Nargothrond. It's devastating. I love it.

Bitter Was Their Parting by @dreamingthroughthenoise (G, Arwen & Elrond, 2.2k). Arwen and Elrond bid each other farewell for the last time. Alantie wrote this for me earlier this year, and I'm still not over it.

Elegies Unwritten by nonisland (T, Éowyn & Merry, <1k). Éowyn and Merry on the road to Pelennor Fields. Éowyn and Merry's relationship is one of my favorite LOTR friendships, and this fic depicts it so well.

For One Year, One Day, of the Flame by @cuarthol (T, Aegnor/Andreth, 1.8k). A beautiful fix-it fic for these two, featuring an older Andreth and an Aegnor who is every bit in love with her as he was when she was young.

Things Yet to Be by @polutrope (G, Finrod & Turgon, 1.4k). Polutrope wrote this for me as a gift, and I love this glimpse of how Finrod wrestled with his foresight even as a child. It's also a very sweet look at Finrod and Turgon's relationship as children.

Threads by @slightnettles (G, Finduilas & Orodreth's wife & Edhellos, 1k). A wonderful depiction of Finduilas' foresight and her relationship with her mother and Edhellos.

Too Burdened to Fly by @hobbitwrangler (G, Finduilas of Dol Amroth, 3k). A beautiful exploration of Finduilas' thoughts in her final moments. It wrecked me in the best way.

What Lies Beyond the End by @melestasflight (G, Maglor, <1k). A beautiful depiction of Maglor casting away his Silmaril and choosing to live, with absolutely stunning imagery.

your veins are empty of dust by @echo-bleu (G, Nerdanel, Anairë, Eärwen, Finrod, and Maglor, 1.7k). An absolutely devastating exploration of Nerdanel's grief as she receives news of her husband's and sons' deaths, as well as those of Anairë's and Eärwen's children.

Oldies

Across the Gulf by Antiheld (T, Aegnor/Andreth, 3.1k). Andreth visits Aegnor one last time. One of my favorite fics ever; I've probably contributed to half of its hits.

A Few Good Years to Spend by @verecunda (G, Aegnor/Andreth, 4.8k). A beautifully written Aegnor/Andreth fix-it fic with the happy ending they deserve. I love it to pieces.

The Courtship of Lady Éowyn by @starry-mantle (T, Éowyn/Faramir, Merry, and all the rest of the hobbits, 7k). If you've followed me for any length of time, you've probably seen me rec this fic again and again, and it's because I can't get enough of it. Perfect characterizations all around.

Nine Fingers by Prackspoor (G, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, 6.3k). Wonderfully chilling fic featuring Frodo and his friends on their return to the Shire and a mysterious stranger they encounter upon the outskirts of the Barrow-downs. It has some of the best slow-build horror I've ever read in a fic.

The Swallow by rhymer23 (G, Merry & Pippin & Éomer, 4.3k). Very touching and moving depiction of Merry and Pippin's final journey to Rohan to visit Éomer on his deathbed. A delicate, deft portrayal of aging and mortality.

Mine

As the Hare Flees Before the Wolf (T, Celegorm & Eöl, 1.8k). Curufin is not the only son of Fëanor Eöl meets upon the plains of Himlad.

in the hills of dorthonion (G, Aegnor/Andreth, 4.1k). The first meeting of Aegnor and Andreth and the beginning of their relationship.

Over Seas of Starlight (G, Frodo & Gandalf, 3.7k). On the journey West, Frodo discovers Gandalf's true nature and learns of the country that will soon be his home.

West, West Away (G, Sam & Thranduil, 3.6k). Sam meets an unlikely kindred spirit on the journey West.

when the cold wind rolls in from the north (G, Andreth, 1k). As the Bragollach rages, Andreth waits.

I'm late to this and can't remember who's already done this, so I tag everyone who's been tagged here and hasn't done this yet.

[pansexual-puppy-pack]

day 3 of @theoraekenapperciation 's theo week 2024: rarepair! (a: theo & corey, or as i like to call them, bryken)

"Theo," Corey asked. "Do you know anything about the sunk-cost fallacy?"

He almost missed it. The quick, half-a-second glance that Theo made towards Liam's direction, three tables away, talking to Diaz and Sui.

Corey narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything.

"Yeah." Theo seemed to snap out of it and focused on the textbook. "It's when like, something's been going wrong for so long that you can't give up on it anymore. Like, say you own a printing company."

"You've spent ten whole years on the printing company, yeah?"

Corey slowly nodded. "Where's this going—?"

"—It's going out of business." Theo suddenly said, cutting him off. He picked up a stray mechanical pencil and started pointing to stuff on the page that meant almost nothing to Corey. "Costs have been going up, profit's been going down, you're starting to get in the red. Following?"

"...Yeah?"

"But you don't wanna give up on the business." Theo tapped on the corner of a graph that had a gridded white background and a sharp, striking red arrow pointing to its bottom-right. "Why?"

Corey thought for a moment. "Because I spent a decade building it?"

"Exactly." Theo said, dropping the mechanical pencil down and sitting back in his seat with crossed arms, a little self-satisfied. "The sunk-cost fallacy is basically that: you've spent so much time, and you essentially can't lose any more, so you keep going."

"In hopes that you'll turn a profit?"

"In hopes that you'll get something." Theo said. "Anything to show that your time was worth it, you know?"

Corey had started to think that he wasn't talking about printing companies a while ago, but that confirmed it. His voice was lower when he replied, "Yeah."

He looked down and started scribbling some notes on his textbook and notebook as he stole a fry from Liam's open lunchbox.

The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him. Really, the empathetic side of him thought that this was the right moment to thank Theo for bringing him back to life, but the logical side of him knew that he still hated Theo. (Marginally less than a few months ago, but still hate.)

Looking back up for just a second, the Chameleon saw the first Chimera looking off into the distance, smelling of melancholy—although, at that point, it might as well have been his natural disposition.

Corey didn't miss the way Theo's pupils dilated whenever he looked at Liam, how his heart only ever seemed to diverge from its usual 60 BPM whenever Liam was around, how he constantly saved Liam's life, how ready he was to do anything for him.

He didn't say anything about it, but by god was gay pining such a penetrative smell.

Anyway. Corey looked back down and scribbled the words, putting extra effort into something you know is gonna go wrong on his page. Totally not about the guy who was sitting right across from him. He also flipped over to the last page of his notebook and quickly wrote, theo, liam, sunk-cost fallacy before flipping it back to the page he had been taking notes on.

He'd have to find a way to fix that.

this is actually an excerpt from a future chapter of my 6b rewrite longfic come back down to my knees! watch out for it 👀 (idk when it'll be ready)

[shachaai]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers!

I was tagged by @zipegs. Thank you, Hunter! These were interesting questions to think about.

Tagging: @needcake and @dr-fumbles-mcstupid! No pressure on either of you, but have at if you'd like.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

198! Hetalia really upped the work count out of all my fandoms, but I also crossposted a lot of my better Yu-Gi-Oh fics from my days back on FF.net. I've still got a huge amount to crosspost from LJ, DW and tumblr though.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

998,583. It's taken me 14 years on AO3 but my next fic update is going to finally take me over a million words and I'm so excited!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

My main fandom right now is Hannibal (and the associated HEU), but I'm also working on some uber long Hetalia works in the background. (The latter won't see the light of day until they've got a substantial amount done for them.) I started out posting fic online with Yu-Gi-Oh, then Death Note and Yuri on Ice. I've also worked on a lot of fics for CLAMP's works, primarily Tsubasa, Cardcaptor Sakura and XxXHolic.

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Due to the kudos requirement, this is obviously only from my stuff on AO3 (because I actually think an anon work I wrote on a kinkmeme back in the day would also feature here otherwise). 1. Commencer Par La Faim (Hannibal) - 1,470 2. The Lindworm's Lullaby (Hannibal) - 503 3. if(touched by love's own secret)we (Yuri on Ice) - 382 4. Apples (Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles) - 379 5. Heartbox (Hetalia) - 299 The last one completely mystifies me.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I really try to. I've got much better about responding to comments in the past few years, I think, but I'm still more likely to remember to respond to comments on WIP longfics than on oneshots. (Sorry!!!) Lately, I've fallen into the habit of replying to comments on the most current chapter of a multichaptered fic as I'm doing the final edits on the next chapter, because they often prompt me not to forget things. ;;; (So, if you receive a belated reply to your comment on a WIP, I'm likely going to update it soon.) I really do appreciate every comment though, and they've been such a source of inspiration and good feeling over the years. I'm still going back and trying to say thank you to comments left on my works years ago... It's late, but I do want to express my thanks.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Bold of you to assume I ever finish anything. I don't tend to write works that have endings that fall primarily into the angst territory (I don't think!). Bittersweetness, usually. A lot of my hetalia stuff is technically angsty because it's open-ended and based on real history and history sucks. Obviously it's not posted yet, but the ending to Commencer Par La Faim is probably going to get people coming after me with torches and pitchforks. For posted works, I guess I'll go with my first ever completed multichaptered work from my YGO days: Both Sides of the Border. The whole fic is an exploration of love, remembrance and death (as best as I could write it as a purple prose-obsessed 15 year-old).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Bold of you to assume I ever finish anything x2. Many of my hetalia oneshots fill me with the warm n' fuzzies due to their endings. Yes, this answer is a cop-out.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

None currently, but I have done on multiple separate occasions in the past.

9. Do you write smut?

I do, but it doesn't come to me easily at all. I wish I was a better smut writer and I'm really working on it, but I still don't think my current stuff is up to where I want it be. People seem to enjoy it though, so I must be doing something right? At least a little?

10. Craziest crossover?

...Sorry, I'm blanking. I wrote YGO/Harry Potter back in the day, and I've Daemon AUs all over the place (His Dark Materials). CLAMP fanworks are all, technically, huge crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Once, a YGO piece I'd rather not mention now. My concepts have gotten ripped off a bunch over the years though - which I wouldn't even mind, I'm delighted to share my ideas freely (and, hell, not have to write the fics I want to see myself!), but if you're going to use my exact phrasing (and hours of research!) in your work could you at least give me a mention? It's a little hurtful sometimes, but I try not to let it bother me unless it's super overt.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I gave full permission for someone on a private Chinese fanpage to translate any of my engport works into Mandarin, and I know they translated a lot of the oneshots! (Obviously, I can't link you.) athousandnights translated the prancing and pawing of each little hoof into Mandarin. VanessaLocke translated Splinters & Mosaics into Vietnamese. @dr-fumbles-mcstupid/Dr_Fumbles_McStupid is also currently poddficcing my WIP fic, Poems - translating to audio.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! In every kind of way. It's wonderful to do with a friend/someone you have a good rapport with, and it's a good way to develop a friendship, I think. I still find the thought of co-writing with a stranger assigned to work with me nerve-wracking though, and those situations have never worked out terribly well for me in the past. @-@ I'm currently doing a lot of 'alpha reader' work for a few friends. It's the writing part of writing a fic that isn't really putting down the words. (Plotting, pacing, research, editing.) I'm too busy with my own solo work to do any more right now.

14. All time favourite ship?

Haven't got one. I've got my darlings across every fandom I've looked at and written for.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

>> << Honestly, if it's something I want to finish I refuse to doubt that I will finish it. There's always hope.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Writing about food and scents. I've been told I'm pretty good with conveying the senses associated with them pretty well, and I've been scolded frequently by readers for making them hungry with my food scenes! (This is a fantastic source of glee to me now that I'm writing in a fandom where the food is, often, people. Accidentally converting people to cannibalism one fic at a time.) I also think I'm pretty good at writing about clothes - how they look, how they're put on and taken off, the sensation and movement of fabric - and capturing the voices of characters. Also, mostly because of a lot of the above, establishing a setting by sneaking in lore.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Long and extremely complicated sentences. I'm trying to get better at this, but commas, hyphens, colons and semi-colons are my comfort blanket. (Periods? Never heard of her.) The utter inability to shut up. Every fic is longfic these days. ...How incredibly slowly I write.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

It can be incredibly interesting, scintillating and useful, adding a lot to a fic - in moderation. Dropping huge paragraphs in the middle of your work in a language that isn't the main one you're writing in is just confusing and offputting, in my opinion, but sprinkles here and there offer insight into your worldbuilding and your characters' backgrounds/voices. I do occasionally write characters speaking other languages in my work, but I've usually got to have a good reason for it. I don't always provide translations either - but when I don't, it's also for a reason. XD;;; It's usually either that I'm keeping secrets from the reader, I think the speech is evident given the context, or I want the reader to have the delight of discovering what what I've written means (this usually means it's a funny pun).

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Cardcaptor Sakura - or Cardcaptors, as the dub was called in the UK. I was 8 and got hooked, and got my two closest friends hooked, and I got so upset that it finished I wrote fanfic for it to tie up loose emotional ends in the plot. XD;;; The first fanfic I ever wrote and posted online was for Yu-Gi-Oh, on FF.net. I was 11. The first chapter was up for a week before I read more works and realised how bad a writer I was, and I took it down immediately. My first months in proper fandom were a sharp learning curve!

20. Favourite fic you've written?

I'm gonna be a sappy loser here and say 'everything I've written (even the unposted stuff) for the Gods AU' and Commencer Par La Faim. I'm so glad I worked up the courage all those years ago to approach Eden (@edencomplex) and Hoof (@hoofae) and ask if I could write something for this cool AU they were chattering about and drawing stuff for. I found two wonderful friends and a wider home in a little corner of fandom, and the AU itself really expanded my ability to research things and develop different writing styles. I'm working on more things for the AU now because I really do want to finish it as my, Hoof's and Eden's legacy - and, of course, in Eden's memory. Commencer Par La Faim is a WIP, but I think it's rapidly become a favourite for me because it's the culmination of so many different things. It's brought me friends in the Hannibal fandom. It's a crowning - and bloody good, imo - example of my developed and mature voice as a writer. And it's so fun to work on. I also think it's a fantastic little bite of the a/b/o trope. I've done a lot with a/b/o across fandoms and over the years, and CPLF has really drawn all my scattered thoughts together and, I think, made something really unique amongst all the different presentations of it online. I'm still working on the fic, of course, but I'm proud of what I have achieved with it so far and I believe it will continue to be beloved to me.

[corviiids]

8, 18, 23, and all the other numbers you haven't answered yet

ooohoho really enabling me there thank you very much. answered 23 in the last one! i wont do all of them or this'll get super long but ill put a few more under the cut!!

8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

tbh ive been contemplating a silly oneshot sequel to as you like it but i do have to actually finish the damn thing before i even think about that so ill leave it there.

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

im actually notoriously bad at killing my darlings so i didn't think i'd have that many deleted scenes, but i did find a few older versions of the makoto&ren scene in chapter 6 of as you like it that i had completely forgotten about. looking back on these i actually still like them

v1.0 of the grounding sequence ren goes through after his nightmares. i think i cut this because it was too long and didn't flow well in context, but im sort of fond of it in isolation:

this was from an alternate version of the scene altogether, where they go to harajuku instead of inokashira so ren can find some featherman merch futaba wanted. i dont like this version as much as the final but i am fond of the extremely long spiralled potato:

then a completely unrelated ren/akc date that i cut because it wasn't doing any work and i didn't think it was fun enough to be kept in:

...

a few more answers for fun (1-5)

writer asks

the last sentence you wrote

i cant remember which line i actually last wrote so here's the last line in current wip

He laughs again. In the silence where Ren tries to re-examine his own complexes, Akechi draws ahead on the wall.

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

ren! i think he's fun because he's the player character and the protags are generally designed to be pretty malleable (or personalityless if you're feeling uncharitable... or wrong) so obviously there's a temptation to just make him whatever your story needs him to be, but i think he's a really tempting and interesting opportunity to really get your claws into a guy who has a personality but refuses to show it and have that be one of his character traits. he's so adaptable to every situation but there are so many moments where his stubbornness and inner values shine through in his limited dialogue, so the challenge becomes like, how do you deduce the rest of a character's hidden personality based on the little they show you? how do you unpack someone whose character is that he wants to be whoever you want him to be? what's going on in his mind? how do you understand him and fill in the gaps in a way that's consistent with what he does in canon when he gives you so little to work with? this is an irresistible challenge to me so he just lives in my brain. he's not even renting he owns the place and he doesnt have a mortgage

3. how you feel about your current WIP

i think palacefic is the project that ignites the most personal passion and excitement in me so im really so excited to finish writing it so i can share it and also so i can read it instead of reading my own chickenscratch notes and think about how excited i am to write it

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

i keep coming back to circle this idea of postcanon akeshu and how they navigate a relationship (word used free of connotation) where they are constantly circling each other and obviously cant do without each other but also like. are so codependent and not at all functional enough to really have a normal romantic relationship or even friendship. i wrote like a short scene of this which i put on twitter a while back i might actually post it here. and i also started a short fic just to get some thoughts down but never had any plans for how to continue it

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

im self conscious about how much of this has been about palacefic, so have a line from my death note longfic instead (i cheated this is like the tenth paragraph because the first paragraph is introductory and none of the lines make sense in isolation or they're too spoilery)

Well, when you eliminate the impossible.

[rivalsforlife]

hello!!! sorry for the long text (and for possible mistakes in this) in advance!!

in december last year i stumbled upon your fic "the catch up game". i decided to read it and honestly that was the best decision of my LIFE. that is the best fanfic ive ever read. this changed my life actually. i remember being impressed at how amazing the characterization was and how everything felt so canon. i was awake until 4 am reading because i couldnt sleep without knowing what would happen next. i started to cry while reading, not because of sadness, but because EVERYTHING was SO GOOD that i wasnt able to express my emotions properly and all i was able to do was CRY.

recently, after months have passed, i've decided to read your fanfic again, and everything was even better than before. i felt all the emotions again, and i was awake until late to read again, and i cried because it was great AGAIN. after i finished reading, i decided to read your other works and EVERYTHING is so well written!!!!

i should say that i LOVE the way you interpret narumitsu as a ship but more importantly as individual characters. i love the way you interpret the other ace attorney characters as well, they all feel so,,, alive? idk how i should put this (im horrible with words, sorry sgdugshs).

all i wanted to do telling you all this is: thank you. thank you for sharing your writing with us. know that when you write again (if you want to, of course!) i will be there to support you!!! i deeply admire your work and you deserve ALL the kudos.

well. i think thats it. i hope you have a good day/night <3 <3 <3!!

🥺 this is such a sweet ask, thanks so much for reaching out!! I'm so glad to hear that my writing had such a strong effect on you and that you enjoyed my works!

ace attorney is always so much fun to write because they're all fantastic characters on their own, but the games have all these great relationships between the characters and such a strong emphasis on platonic relationships as well (which might not be the thing to bring up while talking about a narumitsu fic, but it's always something I want to pay special attention to). Especially with the catch-up game which I intended to be more of a Phoenix characterization study/exercise I wanted to pay at least a little bit of attention to all of his important relationships!

I remember hearing writing advice once that you should have a general idea of what every character in a scene has going on in their own life, like where they came from before this scene, what they're doing after, what's the pressing issues on their mind, etc, so it doesn't feel so much like "and Maya stands off screen until she comes back in to talk about Phoenix and Edgeworth's relationship". So I'm always super happy to hear when people notice things like that because it means I'm doing it at least a little bit correctly!!

Anyways all that is to say that I really appreciate this ask and it definitely brightened my day. I know I haven't posted anything in a while (school + unemployment hell year + more school and now work??? have done a number on me). I have been writing, but I always want to wait until things are done before I post, and I think I've officially hit the year and a half mark on this project as of today, but I have no idea how much longer I'll be able to stand it before I decide it's too much work to wrangle this thing into something I like - and it's not ace attorney anyways and writing characters for the first time and figuring out how they sound is always a bit terrifying. (There's like 2/3 longfics that are the first things I wrote for ace attorney that I've abandoned.)

Maybe replaying aai2 when the official version comes out will motivate me to write more AA, because I do have one good narumitsu idea in my head that I hope I'll be able to write? But either way I'm glad that even my work from four years ago (!!!) is still having an effect on people. Catch-Up Game is still my favorite thing that I've written and I'm always happy to hear people liked it!!

This got more rambly than I intended sorry about that. Thanks again for the very sweet ask. I hope you have a good day/night as well!!

[elvenbeard]

WIP WEDNESDAY

Yes I'm actually doing this on a Wednesday wooo :D

I just went back through all my tags of the last month and man, you guys ;__; <3 I'm not good at keeping up with tumblr atm and I don't have something to share every week, so I think once a month a WIP Wednesday might be a good compromise XD Thank you for all the tags!!

@theviridianbunny @dreamskug @ouroboros-hideout @lokiina @therealnightcity @chevvy-yates tagging you all right back!

So, with that off of my list of works in progress, as is answering all the tag games and quizzes, some projects I'm working on atm:

Writing: Love is stored in the olive jar (WT) - Chapter 13

It's done, but still needs a lot of editing, as it got very heavy on dialogue in the end and I want it all to flow more nicely and make it a bit more scenic XD Too many instances of "she looked up again" or "he paused for a moment/second" xD But I'm getting there! Here's a snippet from the already somewhat polished beginning:

“Alright,” Fuentes said as she finally caught her breath again, “I suggest we cut straight to the chase.” “Yes,” V nodded, “Thank you again for taking the time.” “Of course,” Fuentes nodded, “I have to admit, I have been thinking about you and your case a lot these past days. Even with the limited knowledge I have so far, I still believe I may be able to help. If you are willing now to tell me more about your condition now, of course.” ‘Willing’ wasn’t the word V would use, it was more a necessity at this point. “I will,” he said, “But only if you can provide me with a certain level of security.” Fuentes shifted in her chair slightly and frowned, then she opened one of the drawers of her desk and pulled out a tablet. She turned it on and began to search for something on it while maintaining eye contact with V as best as she managed. “You’ve come here today as my patient. As far as I’m concerned, everything, anything that we discuss, falls under the doctor-patient confidentiality. My contract with the Little China MedCenter binds me to treat your data and information with utmost care and discretion. All data we store is locked away securely, all in accordance with your Trauma Team policy. I can resend you the patient information papers and contracts, although I think most of them you should already have…” “I care less about the MedCenter than about what you personally do with the information I’m going to give you,” V said, and Fuentes stopped her search, narrowing her eyes slightly. “I’m not sure what you’re alluding to,” she said, still polite, but significantly more tense than before. “Nothing,” V shook his head carefully, “This is just not something I tell random strangers on the street… no offense, of course. If I have to play with open cards, I need you to as well.”

In which Vince hates doctors but has to trust one now, boo XD

Writing: Some drabbles :3

Inbetween the longfic I still have some ask prompt drabbles to fill that I'm looking forward to tackling soon! And in a sudden burst of inspiration I wrote out a long although not very serious convo between Vince and Johnny the other day xD I'd love to turn it into a (VP) comic maybe, but I'm not sure yet XD

Art: Nothing new since last time, slowly chipping away at some bigger projects inbetween

VP: Currently no concrete plans for a bigger project

Although I wanna do more "days in the life" for Vince!! And I wanna play around more with some poses though and have a very soft set to share that I gotta edit a bit still ;_; Tomorrow probably!

Also, I'd like to turn the interface thingies from my recent "V as NPC" projects into shareable templates, that is also on my wip/ to-do list! Just wanna gather some in-game reference shots first :D

Modding: 👀👀👀

I'm working on a little something maybe, and I'm so excited :DDD Just gotta relearn how to do Archive XL, it's been half a year xD And I fought MLSetup Builder so fucking hard, but now I know how to edit MLMask Setups, so that's a victory at least XD And I have a base for a very kitschy coat :3

But yes, so much to that so far! See you again in a month or so probably with an ever-growing pile of wips xD But maybe some more writing, maybe some more art, and maybe a finished mod after too long 👀

[aimmyarrowshigh]

14. What have you been finding frustrating with writing this chapter/fic?

Complain a lil bit at me. I love me some complaining. Brains are the absolute worst, honestly, there has to be a better way to have a consciousness.

GAH, well, since you asked for complaining, haha...

I HAD written all of Lent From Tomorrow. Or, well. I had written fully-fully the first 3/4 of it and had a robust outline and chunklets in the last quarter. So I felt safe to start posting it. I KNOW myself. I am BAD at posting WIPs. I am bad at it. My track record of my entire life illustrates this.

So I started posting it and things were going swimmingly! "Yes!" I told myself. "I'm successfully posting a WIP!"

But then I pulled a WandaVision and went, "oh, dear, everyone consuming this story figured out my red herrings much faster than anticipated, I must CHANGE THE STORY" but not in a "screw the audience over" way like WandaVision, just in a "this reveal comes much sooner than I had written, because otherwise I'm worried it will come across like beating a dead horse to keep dropping hints when y'all already know."

So... that completely undid the back HALF of the story, and I started writing it chapter-by-chapter as I posted, and I was doing okay. It wasn't the weekly update schedule I'd had with the prewritten chapters, but that's fine. It's fanfiction. People go years without updating sometimes, especially me, because I AM BAD AT WIPS. But it was still going okay!

And then April and May happened, and I'm ngl, literally every day of April, something cartoonishly horrible happened in my real life and I did not write a word for the entire month. Or do much of anything. I don't even think I read any comic books. I did zero. And then May was... not much better. Like, maybe something cartoonishly horrible happened every three days instead of every day, but it was still way too much.

I actually wrote more in May than I've written in that same time span since 2024 started, which I'm really proud of myself for -- I wrote 14,000 words (plus like 800 words of unpostable noodling) in three weeks, and that's not, like, Impressive or Enough but it's better than I've been able to produce in a while. I told myself just focus on the drabbles and tiny ficlets that were coming out of the prompt/pairing list I'd set up for myself for MLMay, and I tried not to freak myself out, and words happened, and it was nice! And then the last week of May also happened and we're back to Very Bad Brain Times.

So... I know what happens in the last quarter of Lent. I WANT to be writing it. But my brain is just not "together" enough right now to slip into the mindset for such a heavy-duty, plotty, researchy, emotional longfic, and I'm just spiraling and making myself feel even worse by getting more and more anxious about how long it's taking me to write it.

I know, logically, that it's not a huge deal. If people are gonna stick around to read what comes next, they will, and if they don't, they don't, and that's fine. That's how posting serial fiction works. I mean, that's even how TV used to work in the before-streaming times, and it's not like I worried about the feelings of a showrunner if I got behind on a show or decided it went somewhere I didn't care to follow. That's just serialized art! It's fine! I know logically that it's fine!

But reader, Emotionally, It Is Not Fine. I love this story so much, and I'm so invested in actually finishing something for once and I've stupidly pinned like... a lot of my beliefs about my Worth As A Person on "whether I can finish and successfully post an entire longfic," which, I get it, that in itself is not the biggest issue at play here, but whatever. Baby steps. And I just... it sounds so stupid. And I KNOW that it's small potatoes.

I just want people to like it.*

And I know that every passing day that I don't update, fewer people are going to read it and/or like it, and that also feeds the Bad Brain Spiral. And I don't know.

So tl;dr, the most frustrating part of writing this chapter is myself? I guess????

*Before anyone jumps in to whine about and/or laugh at this statement, I'm not saying "I want it to be a stucky fandom classic," or anything ridiculous like that. I literally just mean that I want the people who choose to read it to enjoy it enough to finish it and maybe have an emotionally positive experience from reading it.

**I also feel very. This is another dumb complaint that I know won't come across right, because internet, but -- I feel very like... separated from stucky fandom (in part because I'm a newer fan who came to the fandom after its heyday, in part because I don't like a lot of currently-popular fanons, in part because I am way too shy for Discord?) and I feel bad bugging uninterested people with thoughts/feelings about my own stories, so I've kind of just... stoppered up my excitement for this story for a long time. Also, an asshole ex-friend of mine straight-up told me that "stuckies are going to hate it because there isn't enough sex and it's really boring for being a fic, especially since it's Steve POV and not Bucky POV" and that just kind of made me feel like. I couldn't squee about the story. And it's HARD to write longfic and not feel like you can share it with people??? IDK. Stuff and thoughts. Whatever. etc.

[lilolilyr]

✨ao3 wrapped 2023✨

Haven't seen this tagging meme around at all yet this year, so I thought I'd start it myself!

2022

Works published: 74, very similar to last year! a bit less but the year also isn’t over yet :D edit: by the time I’m getting around to post this, it’s on 86! Yay!

Wordcount: 118254 I’m happy I made it past 100k! That was my tentative goal and I didn’t think I’d make it with how slow it came along for most of the year, but with flufftober and the events I did manage :D

Kudos: 3184

Hits: 31833

Bookmarks: 267

Subscriptions: 114 and I’m at 157 user subscriptions right now? Who follows my multifandom mess of an Ao3, doesn’t that completely clogg up your email inbox? Maybe I’m just biased bc I rarely check my fandomy email and when I do it’s always a mess xD but I think tag lists on tumblr are so much more useful

Most popular by kudos: Gave myself a Fright, a Mirandy (DWP) fic with 301 kudos

Most hits: same fic, 2404 hits

Longest: lonely hearts on remote roads with 10811 words - Milippa road trip AU my beloved!

Shortest: I wrote nine drabbles (100 word ficlets) this year, they’re the shortest ones :)

Most Comments: my podfic of the Mirandy longfic Jigsaw has 14 comment threads - damn, that’s a year with few comments! In past years the whole top 5 commented on fics had more than that. Oh well!

Fics that made me cry: Grief, a fanfic where I project my own feelings about a dead pet onto Myka, and recording the Jigsaw podfic also made me really emotional a lot

Fics that made me smile: so manyy! For example the Berena fic Happiness surrounded by Snow

gifts:

- the first chapter of ‘Time Dilates’ by @barbarawar as my Bering and Wells gift exchange gift back in February, thanks!

- ‘Blame it on Circumstance’, a wonderful sequel to the fluffy fic @squishmittenficfan made me for the Berena gift exchange in 2022, and another sequel Blame it on Love posted just a few days ago I haven’t actually gotten around to read yet but am already very excited for!

- ‘never borrow Helena’s clothes’, a fic for the Bering and Wells advent by @jesstrel that I have beta read for them :)

I have gifted some fics as well this year, I tend to gift people fics when they helped me with it by beta reading or cheering me on, or when I was writing to someone’s prompt! I know I adore getting gift works on Ao3 and I love to share that happiness :)

collaborations:

Halloween fic and art collab with @thewalkingmeepa, that was fun!

Drunken Considerations, a Bering and Wells collab fic with @lavendelhummel :D first time I made a collab while actually in the same room with the other person xD

Both collaborations and part of an event were the fic & podfic works Where No Flan Has Gone Before (Star Trek humor) with @bookgirlfan and Which Mere Modernity Cannot (modern Dracula) with @artax-risen, and the Bering and Wells Advent Calendar with @lavendelhummel @purlturtle @akittennameddaisy @viharistenno @jesstrel @sallysetonbw @violetren @thiakerrigan @tryingthisfangirlthing that is still ongoing! finished now, I take too long for tagging memes xdxD

events:

- Flufftober (I managed to make something for every single day of the month, yay!)

- Berena advent

2022 version

Tagging, if you want to do it, everyone already tagged above as well as @die-schwanenkoenigin @amysnotdeadyet @lesbianlotties @guardianrock @73chn1c0l0rr3v3l @danisnotmyname @batnbreakfast @sapphicscholar @tabsolanya @sterenheart @wibblywobblyida @forestcircle @ongreenergrasses and everyone else who sees this!

For ease of copying: Works published: Wordcount: Kudos: Hits: Bookmarks: Subscriptions: Most popular by kudos: Most hits: Longest: Shortest: Most Comments: Fics that made me cry: Fics that made me smile: gifts: collaborations: events:

sapphicscholar purlturtle die-schwanenkoenigin amysnotdeadyet squishmittenficfan viharistenno lesbianlotties bookgirlfan

[yletylyf]

Fic Writer Wrapped- 2023 Edition

I did this in 2022 and 2021, and am revving it back up for my own personal interest in tracking these things. Tagging anyone reading this if you want to participate!

Like in previous years, this is about fic published on ao3 in 2023 (not amount of words written in 2023, which I don't keep track of).

How many stories did you complete?

I completed one longfic (more than 100k words), eight medium fics (between 15k and 100k), and forty-two short fics (under 15k). Just like last year, I continue to have considerable lag between writing and publishing. The longfic and some of the medium fics were mostly written in 2022, but published and finished this year.

What is your total word count for the year?

547,416 words

What fandoms did you write in this year?

I really committed to the multi-fandom bit. I also discovered an addiction to cdramas. I wrote in Harry Potter, Tolkien, The Grisha Trilogy, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, Emma - Jane Austen, Twilight, the Locked Tomb, House of the Dragon, 陈情令 The Untamed, 山河令 Word of Honor, 苍兰诀 Love Between Fairy and Devil, 莲花楼 Mysterious Lotus Casebook, 无量 Wúliàng, and 长月烬明 Till the End of the Moon.

Did you write more, less, or roughly about what you expected?

This year's published word count borrows from many projects that were written in 2022, probably about 150k words' worth. Even subtracting that, I wrote a lot more than I expected. Because I didn't write a long fic this year (123k of Rainbow of Chaos's total of 130k words was written in 2022), I felt like I was unproductive compared to previous years. But I actually I wrote a lot!

What’s your favorite story of the year?

To catch a fox (Grisha verse, the Darkling/Nikolai). I had a blast writing this, it felt like it wrote itself, and I think the fic is so much fun, I still enjoy re-reading it, and I'm really happy about how many other people liked it as well!

What is your most underappreciated story of the year?

This question gets harder and harder to answer every year, because the more deliberately niche I write the happier I am when I get a single comment and feel that is more than sufficient appreciation. I guess if I had to pick one, it's my Aredhel/Celegorm fic, because imo this ship deserves to be more popular than it is!

Biggest fanfic-related disappointment of 2023?

I was riding the high of discovering the Darkling/Nikolai ship after watching the TV show Shadow and Bone in March. A good friend left a prompt that I loved, in an event called Fandom Orienteer, which had a several-month-long writing period and then a posting window in August. I bit off more than I could chew when I started writing Palace in the Dark, found my ideas too plotty, and did not finish in time to post a completed story in August. By the time I actually finished over Thanksgiving, not only did I miss being part of the event, I had lost almost all my WIP readers (except my friends from the darkolai server, shout out to you, you are the best!). It's fine, the fic is finished and complete on my profile, and readers will slowly find it. But I was disappointed in not being able to finish in July for the event and when the momentum from the show was hotter.

Biggest fanfic-related surprise of 2023?

I'm surprised by how many multi-fandom exchanges I did. I was only dipping my toe into them in 2022 and was not sure the whole thing really suited me. I wrote almost forty exchange fics this year, and got some amazing gift fics in exchange, and it's been really fun.

Something you look forward to working on in 2024?

I think I'll work on more villain-centric fic for MDZS, and also hopefully write more new-to-me fandoms for exchanges.