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major-comet · 4 months

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The Music in RvB: Restoration Kinda Sucks. Here's how I'd fix it.

I gave this as a presentation the other night after my first re-watch of the finale, and it was a major hit so I thought I would share it with other people who think too hard about Halo fanfiction.

Red VS Blue has some truly fantastic music in it's 21 year history, and I think that the music here was pretty weak. Obviously this post has major spoilers for RvB19 / Restoration, so be warned.

So, under the Read More is a typed up and fleshed out version of my powerpoint presentation where I will dive in and not just bitch about the musical choices, but explain how I would fix things. This is...really long, but I hope you all enjoy my thoughts :)

This will be best enjoyed if you listen to the songs I'm talking about as a refresher. For your convenience, I have input links to the songs on Youtube when necessary (ETA: and barring one instance, the song links have all been updated to work again while the official uploads are down.)

So what's the problem?

Since the development of the finale overlapped with Rooster Teeth getting shut down, it's very likely that they had minimal funds. (EDIT: Yes, the finale itself was done by the time the announcement rolled around. However, the decision was almost certainly already in the works at WB. RT was shut down in part for financial reasons. It’s all connected.) I personally think this was part of why Burnie/RT was/were [reportedly] so insistent on using stock music for part of the season rather than a whole soundtrack done by Trocadero - I'm not sure they had the money to properly compensate for a full soundtrack. And maybe it was just a stupid / dick move, and had nothing to do with money at all, but that's what I choose to believe if only because it makes me feel slightly better about it.

This means that besides the stock music, the new score by Carl Thiel, the Zero song for that cameo, and Waning Moon (the Barenaked Ladies song), all we have are four re-used songs from earlier RvB - these songs being the Trocadero Grifball theme, I Say Ooh and Round One by Jeff Williams, and Vale Deah by Trocadero. There's also a David Levy composition in there somewhere according to the credits, R U Ready, but I have no idea what it is or where it plays. It's bothering the hell out of me because it does not appear to be a reused piece as far as I can tell - at least not reused from RvB. If anyone has any leads on this please reach out, because it seems crazy that there's one random possibly original David composition mixed in there. I've checked Apple Music and Soundcloud, nothing by that name.

In this very Meta focused film, neither of The Meta's themes play in any shape or form - [When] Your Middle Name is Danger by Trocadero or Plagam Extremam Infligere by Jeff Williams.

Nor do any of the character themes, really. Most of the series' iconic recurring tracks are completely absent. Tex's various themes, Carolina's theme - hell not even Blood Gulch Blues or the iconic intro music.

Were there any highlights?

Of course there were!

Considering I was going into the finale having only been spoiled on Vale Deah, I was pleasantly surprised to hear the Jeff tracks! That was totally unexpected, and really lovely.

Speaking of, I thought the use of Vale Deah was a really lovely touch. Fun fact: that song was used for the end credits of the Season 1 DVD, so it really felt like a sweet full circle moment.

I think that using a Barenaked Ladies song for that very sweet scene of Caboose, Grif, and Simmons reminiscing about Blood Gulch by the fire was a very lovely choice, and quite honestly it was my favorite scene in the whole thing. The BNL have been close to RvB and RT since damn near the beginning, and it was very nice to hear them attached to the finale in that small way.

I should also point out that the composer for the season is Carl Thiel - known for his work on Hot Fuzz and the second and third Spy Kids movies. I think he did a totally fine job. I liked the bugles that were under Sarge's death, but the rest doesn't really stand out much. Perfectly serviceable.

So, now that that's out of the way, let's break down those four returning songs a bit more - shall we?

Grifball Official Theme - Trocadero

This was a really funny choice. It's such a quick bit, but I respect Burnie's dedication to get in one last Grifball joke. Obviously, I would have preferred to hear a different song for something else, but this was totally harmless.

Vale Deah - Trocadero

Lo-fi Hip-hop beats to get divorced to.

God that scene was heartbreaking. I love this song a lot - I think a lot of Trocadero's strongest stuff is the stuff that just feels kind of melancholy. It's something Nico does really well, and I think Vale Deah is one of my favorite examples of that. Like I said above, I think this song was used really well - if I had to pick a different track for that same scene I would probably choose Half Life. While it was written during the Blood Gulch era, it wasn't really used in the show until Seasons 12 and 13 - notably, a version of it plays under Kimball's rally speech to the troops after Doyle's death. I just really like it, tbh. There's absolutely other songs that could work, but I think having it be a BGC-era track served the scene really well.

I Say Ooh - Jeff Williams

My feelings about this are pretty similar to Grifball. It was cute, it was nice to hear, but I wish they had used a different Jeff track somewhere else. Ultimately, it's pretty harmless. It is kind of an odd choice though - I'm pretty sure Jeff didn't write it for RvB. This was a song that he composed that was used in two RT Shorts (live action sketches that RT used to do). I think it would have been nicer to use one of his RvB tracks for the introduction of Niner - could have been a cute spot to use a track like I Am The Best or Forge World or hell, Come on Carolina would have been cute.

Round One - Jeff Williams

...Actually, I have a lot to say about Round One, so let's get everything else out of the way first.

Other Scenes that *should* have had returning tracks before I talk about Round One for a billion years

Sarge's death should have been scored with a version of Rally (Sarge's Speech). My vision is a version of it that's just the string section - familiar, but not enough to be distracting, and absolutely soul crushing if you do recognize it.

The scene with Wash and Dr. Grey in the hospital needed a hint of what Nico so lovingly calls the "Wash Trauma Theme" - which is closely related to the Trocadero Meta theme, fun fact. I think Limited Duty from the scene in Season 16 where Carolina tells Wash about the brain damage could have worked pretty well there.

The scene at the end with Wash and Carolina talking about Doc and the Freelancers really needed something. I think one of the variations of the Shisno trilogy Carwash theme could have worked very well. (EDIT: So i would have a link for Carwash, but there is No Trace of that song on youtube anymore. I think it's one of the songs that plays in the season 16 credits, and there's variations of it in 17 as well. so sorry!)

Obviously the big scene with Tucker and Sigma on the ship would have really benefited from [When] Your Middle Name is Danger or one of the many themes that incorporates it, but I'd also throw Soul Clef XI into the ring! I think it's so interesting that the work around they came up with for not being able to get Elijah Wood back was to have epsilon!Sigma take on a more Felix-y type of voice. Partly because Felix was an incredibly ambitious villain so he fits it pretty well, but more importantly that was a very smart voice to pick to fuck with Tucker in particular! I think that was really smart, and I think having Felix's theme playing during that scene would have been really cool.

Bolt by Trocadero was never used in the series proper. However it was used in this ten year retrospective that they released alongside Season 10. I highly recommend giving it a watch, because watching it now that it's Over - RvB, RT, all of it - it's honestly kind of heart breaking. They're all filled with this deep optimism about the future of the company, and hindsight is a bitch on this one. They use it in a really sweet sequence at the end where they're showing a bunch of old photos. Anyways I think this should have played in the credits after Vale Deah finished. "We only want to have a good time."

Miscellaneous Trocadero Songs I would have liked to see them find a place for that I haven't already / will not mention elsewhere

Steady Ride (Gunmetal Green) - this is THE Grimmons song ever to me. I love it so much. Also fun fact: as of the interview Burnie did with Nico on the season 10 (I think?) dvd/bluray, this was Burnie's favorite Trocadero track. And you can tell when you watch the DVD cuts of the first 6-ish seasons - it plays all the time.

I like Good Fight a lot, not sure there was a great spot for it? but still would have been nice - It's used a few times as a Wash theme, I believe.

No One is my favorite Trocadero song and I wish it could've been there Somewhere. It was the elevator-music type song that played behind Vic in BG once or twice, I think was in the season 4 credits, and also played during the weapons demonstrations in the Meta VS Carolina Death Battle. I just like it a lot, lol.

Okay let's get back to Round One.

Why they shouldn't have used Round One for the big fight in RvB Restoration

AKA: The actual bulk of the presentation

Okay so we've got some pros and cons to this track. Starting with the Pros;

It's a song from an iconic scene - the 3v1 training room fight from Season 9

Tex and Maine are both in the fight

Was a great "Oh FUCK yeah" moment for the fans

Great track

Cons;

Not really a song for Carolina or the Meta (or y'know. Tucker. He's there too), and only kind of a song for Tex

Honestly the fight makes me think about York more than anyone else, since that's the fight where he gets hurt

Not a cool thematic moment besides just Tex being a badass

Started too late into the fight - it's sad that Carolina got a cool track when she (finally!) showed up, but Tex just got generic music. Show my girl some respect :(

So what would be better?

It has to be something that makes you think of at least one of the fighters. A track that's good for multiple would be better, but not required.

I think it should start when Tex first shows up, not when her armor changes. that’s a cool moment, but it still means most of the fight is working with Thiel’s score.

It should be something with a note of thematic relevance - for example, the big moment right at the end of the fight is Tex reminding epsilon!Sigma that she's not based on the Director's memories of her failure this time; she's based on the memories of Grif, Caboose, and Simmons. And she Always kicked their asses.

Still needs to be a big "Oh FUCK yeah" moment.

While incorporating Carolina's theme would be nice, I think it's more important to get at least one of the others - but we'll do our best here. I think this is moreso a Tex v meta!Tucker fight in my heart than it is a Carolina fight.

So let's look over a few options, shall we? These are in no particular order.

Spiral - Jeff Williams

This is the song that plays during the Season 9 car chase when Maine gets shot. It incorporates Carolina's theme, because in PFL her theme is never too far behind whenever a Maine/Meta song is playing, which has always been interesting to me. It has all that freaky choral stuff that Jeff loved to use, and generally is just a great track.

Fragments - Jeff Williams

This plays during the Freelancer break-in in Season 10, and it just rocks so hard. Anything from the break-in would be cool because that was the last time Tex, Carolina, and Maine/The Meta were all in the same place, and of course was when The Meta was properly created. I think it was so sad that they used the instrumental of Round One, because the vocals are part of what makes the Jeff era of RvB soundtracks so iconic, and god this song delivers! Also this song has a kickass trumpet solo at the end.

Slingshot (from the Death Battle) - Trocadero

Man this song rules. This of course plays in the Meta VS Carolina Death Battle from Season 14. It's a very different energy from the Jeff picks, but it rocks so fucking much. This is a fight between Carolina and The Meta, and would of course be a callback to a (marginally) more recent - and extremely popular - episode of the show. If you haven't watched the Death Battle in a while you really should, it still kicks just as much ass now as it did back when I was in high school.

Literally any other song from the 3v1 Training Room Fight - Jeff Williams

This includes;

Round One (feat Lamar Hall)

Just the Bullfight part

On Your Knees

I just think the instrumental to Round One is the weakest choice from this fight tbh! Bullfight is my favorite out of the three, because it sounds the most Tex-y. The guitars are very her, and it incorporates part of her Agent Tex motif. And On Your Knees would have had the biggest "Oh FUCK yeah" factor. But honestly even just using the version of Round One with the vocals would have been way better.

EDIT TO ADD: a quick note - while it’s listed in the credits as Round One/Bullfight, that’s just how the instrumental is packaged on the OST. As far as I could tell in my two watches of it, they never actually make it to the Bullfight part of the track.

A Girl Named Tex - Trocadero

hold on, walk with me on this one.

I had a vision of Tex fighting meta!Tucker set to the "Yellow rose of Texas clad in black, lonely star tattooed upon her back. Double Tex she'll hit you like a truck. Double Tex and she'll mess you up." bit right after I watched 19 the first time and it's been haunting me ever since. (That bit starts at about 02:19)

This is her theme for the first chunk of the show - which just so happens to be the time period Grif, Simmons, and Caboose were primarily reminiscing about. It would have been cool as hell, and I can See the beginning of the fight in my head - the opening strums (what my brother so lovingly calls the Out of Mind music) when caboose is saying his line about how he brought back someone even worse than church, and then the fight starts! I can see it in my mind, it would have been so cool!

I just think there should have been more Blood Gulch era music in here.

100 Tex Battle - Jeff Williams

This doesn't get you any Meta points, but obviously it incorporates little bits of Tex's, and a lot of Carolina's theme. Twisting a Tex vs Carolina fight - obviously, Carolina vs all the Tex bots in Season 10 - into one where they're fighting alongside each other would have been really lovely and a cool full circle moment.

This song is really cool, it's such a good fight. I do think it maybe sounds a bit goofy at points for this fight, but still a cool option.

Okay so now let's go over my top three-ish picks

Ice Fight (or maybe the revelations suite?) - Jeff Williams

Jumping to the end of Season 8, we have a fight that involves Tex vs The Meta! And Wash, Doc, and all the Reds and Blues (barring Donut and Lopez. Hmm. Doesn't that sound familiar.) are there! Ice Fight rules so hard, it's so good.

And it has some of that narrative theming I was looking for! While yes, Tex does technically lose this fight - so does The Meta. And how does she lose it?

By going into the recovery unit.

The main reason I suggest the Suite instead of just Ice Fight is because I think having a touch of Red Vs Blue would have been really nice.

Mental Meta Metal - Jeff Williams

Genuinely my favorite track from season 10. If you let the song play the whole way through, it has Jeff's themes for The Meta, Carolina, and Tex in it. This plays the first time we see Maine in a fight in Season 10, and is also Sigma's first time in the field after we see him pondering Meta-stability in the classroom.

It incorporates elements from both Spiral and Plagam Extremam Infligere, which is kind of Jeff's theme for the Meta that he established back in Season 8. It also plays during the Freelancer Break-in when he's tossing Carolina off the cliff. The Latin on that translates to “to inflict an extreme blow”.

It also has a very strong statement of Carolina's theme, which could have been a great opportunity to bring her in with her theme!

Now, before I go over my final pick, let's go over what we need again;

We need a song with thematic relevance to the fight, that’s from an iconic scene, has a good energy to it, and would give fans a big “OH FUCK YEAH” moment.

Well, isn’t it obvious?

youtube

Agent Tex (/ Tex vs Tank / Hell's Angel) - Jeff Williams

The first instance of Jeff Williams’ Tex motif, later used in Hell’s Angel and Tex vs Tank, etc. I would add the opening strum commonly heard in the later iterations, but keep it generally the Agent Tex version which was used in the S8 Warehouse fight, as seen above.

This is like. The RvB scene ever. So many people saw this before they watched the show, and many more never even watched RvB - just this fight, since RT uploaded it separately from the episode because they knew it kicked so much ass. It also helped draw in folks who may have been fans of Monty Oum's other work. Fun fact: This was RT’s outro music for a really long time, too. So it really has history with the company.

Part of why I think this pick would work so well, beyond it just being Tex's theme for the Jeff Williams era, is that it would be so interesting in terms of narrative theming. The Season 8 warehouse fight was Tucker, Grif, Simmons, Sarge, and Caboose against Tex.

This whole sequence was Grif, Simmons, Caboose, Carolina, and Tex against Tucker.

This was one of the other scenes being reminisced about around the fire - you can see it as one of the clips shown during the scene. I think it would have been a really powerful moment, and a fantastic "FUCK YEAH" moment for everyone whose stuck around this long. This track is so good, and I really do think it would have been the perfect choice for this fight.

It's not even my favorite, if I was just choosing favorites I'd have picked Mental Meta Metal or A Girl Named Tex.

What have we learned? Why Were We Here?

Red vs Blue is a show with a lot of really fantastic music in it's book, and a really strong history of musical callbacks - particularly with the Meta's theme and how it's so closely tied to the motif Trocadero liked to use as "Wash Trauma" music. Making a clever callback to a song you've used before can help strengthen the thing you're trying to get across to your audience. I think it's somehing that Restoration really struggles with, which is pretty sad. But I hope you found my deep dive / analysis of what could have been interesting.

I'd really like to dive in and do a long reflection about the series as a whole, but as it stands this is around 3,000 words and if I get started on that, this post will never end. I'll probably work on that once i've actually Finished this rewatch.

Thank you for reading all of that!

#comet posting #rvb #red vs blue #rvb restoration #rvb19 #rvb finale #rvb music #jeff williams #trocadero #grimmons #rvb 19 #the meta #lavernius tucker #agent texas #tex rvb #tucker rvb #the meta rvb

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chicgeekgirl89 · 9 months

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Festive Friends- Read on AO3

Rating: T

Words: 8600

This one is for @strandnreyes as part of the @tarlos-santa 2023 exchange! I chose the prompt: AU - Carlos and TK unknowingly have each other for the office secret santa exchange. Up to you if they’re pining idiots, “enemies”, secretly dating, or anything else! Hope you enjoy and have the most festive of holidays!

“Good morning Mr. Reyes.”

Carlos looks up to find the office intern, Mateo, standing cheerily next to his desk, a stack of envelopes in his hand. “Good morning Mateo. And again, you can call me Carlos. Mr. Reyes really isn’t necessary.”

“Sorry Mr. Reyes, I’m just not really used to being like, a real adult yet I guess,” Mateo says sheepishly.

Carlos keeps a chuckle to himself and doesn’t admonish the kid again. “I understand. Whatever you feel comfortable with is fine.”

“Cool. Thanks Mr. Reyes. I brought your mail over for you.”

“Thank you,” Carlos says, accepting the stack from him.

“Can I get you anything? A coffee? Oh! I think Mr. Strand has some new kind of energizing smoothie or something in the break room. Although, it looked kinda gross to me,” Mateo says.

The thought of that smoothie sends a shiver down Carlos’ spine. He hasn’t known Owen Strand for very long, but his health nut tendencies have quickly become too much for Carlos’ taste. “No, that’s okay. I don’t need anything right now. Besides, your job here is to learn about the business, not fetch everyone’s coffee.”

“Right. Yes. Learning. I love learning all the things. Hey, are you coming to the office tree lighting on Friday afternoon? I heard they’re gonna have those little pigs in a blanket.”

Carlos’ eyes dart back to his screen and the half finished email staring at him. “Um, yeah. I’ll be there for a little bit.”

“Awesome!” Mateo seems genuinely thrilled and Carlos once again has to bite back an amused smile. The kid is ninety nine parts enthusiasm and one part overly helpful. “Well I’ll let you get back to it. Lots of…what exactly does HR do?”

“Emails,” Carlos says. “Lots of emails.”

“Right. Sounds fun. Good luck with that!”

Mateo sends him a parting wave and then disappears around the side of his cubicle.

Things have been absolutely crazy at PD and Sons since they merged with 126 Designs a few months ago. Owen Strand had been brought in to manage the merger and insisted on hiring a significant number of new staff. Onboarding the new hires like Mateo has been a ton of work, especially since Owen insisted on being extremely involved in the entire process. Carlos has been in non-stop meetings for weeks and today is the first day he hasn’t felt completely overwhelmed in forever.

He flips through the stack of mail, tossing a few random flyers in the recycling, and setting aside the important envelopes to open later. He wrinkles his forehead when he finds a folded up piece of red paper at the bottom of the stack. When he opens it his eyes immediately widen in horror.

What. The. Hell?

“Lexi.” He stands up and looks down into the cubicle next to him where his work wife is busy with some kind of design project. “Why did I just get a paper telling me who my Secret Santa is this year?”

“I signed you up because I knew you wouldn’t do it otherwise. It’s the season of giving and part of that means giving up your Grinchy ways and pretending like you’re interested in getting to know all the new people in the office,” Lexi says without looking up at him.

His jaw drops. “Okay, first of all, I’m not uninterested in getting to know them. I just haven’t had time to get to know them. And secondly, I hate Secret Santa. Nobody ever really knows what to get you, so you end up with all this random crap and candy that you don’t want and it all sits in a drawer for three or four years until finally you throw it out.”

She finally stops and turns to look at him. “Wow. Okay Uncle Scrooge. First of all,” she echoes him, “it’s not Secret Santa, it’s Festive Friends. Not everybody celebrates Christmas. Get your terminology right. And secondly, it’s not about getting good gifts, it’s about spreading joy for the holiday season. So take the Christmas tree out of your ass and start fa la la-ing with the rest of us.”

“Lexi,” he grinds out her name between his teeth and quickly glances around to make sure no one is in earshot. “I got T.K.”

Lexi is the only one in the office who knows what an incredible disaster meeting T.K. Strand has been for his life. A week after the PD Austin and 126 Designs merger the entire office had gone out for drinks. One thing led to another, which led to another, and ultimately ended up with T.K. very naked in Carlos’ bed.

They’d been incredibly hot and incredibly heavy for a couple weeks after that, sneaking around together, making out in the supply closet, booty calling each other in the dead of night, and Carlos had been so ridiculously happy. T.K. Strand had turned him into a horny freaking teenager.

And then he’d made the mistake of surprising T.K. with dinner. He’d thought it would be romantic. That it might move them from booty call status into something a little bit more permanent.

But T.K. had freaked out, stormed out, and shut Carlos out of his life. Thank god his cubicle is all the way around the corner on the other side of the building. They barely have to see each other except for the occasional awkward brush in the break room or men’s room.

Carlos’ heart has been more broken than he’d like to let on, not to mention his ego is bruised too. The whole thing has made getting to know the other people from 126 Designs like Marjan, Paul, Nancy, and Judd very awkward.. They’re T.K.’s friends. And he doesn’t want to piss T.K. off anymore than he already has.

Of course he has to interact with T.K.’s father, Owen Strand, he is the manager after all, but other than that he’s kept everyone else at an extremely polite and professional distance.

So finding T.K.’s name in his hands is like a punch in the gut.

“Good,” Lexi says, surprising him. “You’ve been pining for him for weeks anyway. Might as well do something about it.”

“Lexi, this guy hates my guts,” Carlos says. “He doesn’t want presents from me.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. You’re Carlos Reyes. No one hates you.”

“Please switch with me.”

“No.”

“Lexi!”

“No! I got Paul. I already have ideas. I’m not switching. It’s only three gifts, you’ll be fine.”

“Three?! I thought Secret Santa was only one gift!”

“God, do you even read your email? It’s three gifts in the week leading up to the holiday break. This will be good for you. Now go away. I’m working.”

Carlos sinks back down into his chair, misery settling in his stomach. This is going to be absolute torture.

He takes another look at T.K.’s scrawl. His writing looks hurried in a way that suggests he’s so excited that he can’t be bothered to slow down and shape his letters more carefully. It has that same kind of frenetic, joyful energy that drew Carlos to him in the first place. Now the only energy he exudes toward Carlos is coldness.

Carlos catches himself tracing his fingers over the letters of T.K.’s name and balls them into a fist before forcing himself to read T.K.’s answers to the Festive Friends questionnaire. T.K. has written down that he likes sour candy, Harry Styles, boba, and interesting tea flavors. He doesn’t like black licorice, the Mets, or anything with alcohol.

Carlos frowns at that. He doesn’t remember T.K. mentioning anything about alcohol during their weeks together. But then again, they didn’t exactly spend much time talking. Their mouths had been occupied with other things.

It feels unfair to have this scrap of T.K., to get this little glimpse into his life. These are things he doesn’t want Carlos to know. He made that clear when he stormed out the door of Carlos’ condo and left nothing behind except Carlos’ fractured heart.

He takes a breath and squares his shoulders. It’s just a stupid office tradition. They’re colleagues. They’re going to have to become cordial at some point. Maybe this is how he can start to smooth things over. Besides, it’s not like he has to talk to the guy. That’s literally the point. To keep it secret.

This is going to be fine.

It is not fine. It’s not fine because Carlos is the type of person that agonizes over gifts. And in this case, there’s even more pressure because the gifts have to be perfectly impersonal so they don’t say, “Your dick was life changing and I don’t think I’m ever going to recover because now you hate me and I don’t really know why.” He’d much rather they say, “I’m fine and I don’t ever think about you and that thing you did with your tongue that one time.”

Ugh.

He arrives Monday morning the week before Christmas with a gift bag in hand, a Yankees baseball cap tucked inside. It’s a lame gift. Perfectly impersonal. And the rest of his gifts for the week aren’t much better. There’s a small part of him berating himself for not doing a better job. He could at least try. The guy broke up with him, he didn’t murder anyone.

But then he remembers how miserable he was in the days after T.K. had stormed out. Whatever. He didn’t sign up for this anyway. T.K. deserves his boring gifts.

The office is quiet as he makes his way to T.K.’s cubicle. Even just the sight of his desk makes Carlos’ heart ache a little. There’s a picture pinned to his bulletin board of T.K. with their other co-workers, Marjan, Paul, Judd, Mateo, Nancy, and Tommy all smiling and having fun, clearly out for a night on the town together. He’d known 126Designs was small and that was part of the reason for the acquisition; to bring on a tightly knit team to help their own, but seeing T.K. so happy with them all doesn’t really feel great.

He’s been so preoccupied by his own shopping that he completely forgot that he is also getting gifts until he steps into his cubicle and sees a bright green bag with little white Christmas trees all over it. He inspects it carefully, relieved to find there’s no glitter anywhere.

He hates glitter.

There’s a little card attached to the handle and when he opens it it reads “Hope you have a Write Christmas- FF.” It takes him a second to figure out that FF must mean Festive Friend.

He carefully extracts the tissue paper and looks into the bag. It’s office supplies. Pens, post-its, a new stapler, blue paperclips, and a ball of rubber bands.

The pun on the card makes sense, even if it is as terribly lame as the gifts inside. At least it’s practical. He can always use new pens.

“Hey!” Lexi pokes her head in. “Ooh what’d you get?”

He shows her the bag and she nods in approval. “Your Festive Friend knows you like office supplies. Nice.”

“If you’re expecting a thank you for going behind my back on this, you’re going to be waiting a long time,” Carlos tells her as he sits down and opens up his laptop.

“Pretty sure people with that attitude get coal in their stocking,” she tells him, flipping him off before heading to her own cubicle.

It’s midway through the morning and Carlos is about to make yet another phone call when Owen Strand steps into the middle of the bullpen. “All right, attention everyone!” he calls.

The ambient sound of typing and low chatter ceases. “Thank you,” he says. “I just wanted to remind everyone that we have our first team building activity this afternoon. So if you have anything scheduled this is your last chance to rearrange. Mandatory fun is in store for all!”

Carlos bites back a groan. He is really not into mandatory office fun. Especially when it means he’ll be in close proximity to T.K. But he’s also not one to flaunt the rules, so he’s going to have to suck it up and deal.

No one has been allowed in the conference room all morning and when one o’clock rolls around Owen waits at the door with a massive grin on his face. The man is clearly thrilled with whatever he’s cooked up to torture them today.

When Carlos walks through the door he sees why. The tables have been covered in red plastic tablecloths and every two feet or so sits a pile of materials like graham crackers, marshmallows, frosting, and candy. It’s immediately obvious how they will be team building today.

“All right everyone!” Owen says when they’re all assembled. “As you can probably guess our team building activity for today has taken a turn for the festive. And I’ve taken the liberty of assigning you all a partner to work with. Each team will be assembling a pre-determined part of our gingerbread village. Paul, you’re with Marjan.”

They immediately turn and high five, clearly thrilled.

“Nancy with Lexi, Judd with Tommy, Mateo with me,” Owen flashes him a smile and Mateo lets out a whoop.

Carlos’ stomach drops. That leaves him with—“T.K., you’ll be with Carlos.”

Fuck.

“Send one person to grab your pre-assigned building assignment! Remember this is not a competition. We’re all working together to build our village. Just like it takes a village to run a company.”

There’s a brief silence in which everyone internalizes what a dumb, schticky thing Owen has just said and then he claps his hands. “Okay, get to work!”

Everyone claims a spot around the tables. Carlos takes a paper slip from Owen and then looks around to find T.K., who is sitting across the room with his back to Carlos.

Carlos reluctantly walks over and sits in the empty seat next to him, all the while wondering if he can fake sick or claim a family emergency to get out of this. When he finally looks up at his partner he recoils in shock. T.K.’s lip is split and swollen, and there’s a dark ring of bruising underneath his right eye. “What happened to you?” Carlos asks, a surprised reflex releasing the words from his mouth before he can stop them.

The look T.K. sends him immediately reminds him that they’re not friends anymore. It’s full of vitriol and misery and…Carlos looks a little closer. Pain. There’s a rawness there that Carlos doesn’t remember seeing before.

“Sorry,” he says. “I just…that looks like it hurts.”

“Doesn’t feel great,” T.K. agrees, his voice stiff. “What are we supposed to be making?”

Carlos looks at the paper. “Police station.”

“Perfect. Way to read the room Dad. ACAB and all that,” T.K. grouses as he reaches for a pile of graham crackers and immediately begins squeezing icing all over.

“Um,” Carlos hems and T.K. stops.

“What?”

“Don’t you think maybe we should make a plan first?”

T.K. sighs and dramatically drops his piping bag onto the table. “Fine. Do whatever you want.”

“No I—I didn’t mean—” Carlos struggles to find the right words. “It’s fine. Let’s just try and get something standing first. That’s the hardest part anyway.”

They spend a couple minutes in silence gluing graham crackers together with icing and using some marshmallows to prop them up until they have something that roughly resembles walls and a roof. “You’re kind of good at this,” T.K. says.

It’s the closest thing to niceties that they’ve shared in weeks.

“I have a lot of nieces and nephews. Not my first gingerbread house. Although it is my first police station,” Carlos admits.

“Cool,” T.K. says, then winces, his lip clearly hurting.

“You sure you don’t want to tell me what happened?” Carlos asks, feeling a little emboldened by T.K.’s compliment.

T.K. shoots him a glare. “You’re kind of annoying. You know that?”

“So I’ve been told,” Carlos says, trying to let the jab roll off his back. “But I know you’re new around here and you’ve obviously gotten into some trouble. Sometimes it helps to talk things out.”

He gets silence in return. God what the hell is wrong with this guy? He’s literally just trying to help. “Fine. You don’t have to tell me. But you should probably tell someone before whoever gave you that shiner comes back to give you a matching set.”

T.K. goes quiet, fiddling with the icing bag in his hand. When he speaks his voice is soft.“I went to a bar last night.”

“Ah. A little drunk and disorderly,” Carlos says, aware that he’s being snarky and not caring in the least. “So you have an idea of how the inside of this police station should look then.”

“I wasn’t drunk,” T.K. says quickly and Carlos remembers his Festive Friends answers. He looks down. “I just went through a really bad break up. Like nuclear bad. And then I relapsed.” He looks around and lowers his voice. “I relapsed with substances.”

Oh.

Carlos sets down the graham cracker in his hands, his full attention now on T.K. as memory slices through him. “I tried to pour us champagne during dinner. I’m such an idiot I’m sorry—“

“It’s fine, ” T.K. cuts him off quickly, like if he gets interrupted now he won’t ever be able to find the strength to share this again. He fiddles with the peppermint wrapper in his hands. “Ever since I’ve gotten here it’s just…it’s grey. And I just feel numb all the time. So I went out to a bar looking for trouble. And I found it. Big time. I guess I just…I wanted to feel something.”

He’s pulled in on himself, his body looking vulnerable and wounded. Carlos gets it now. The overenthusiastic sex. His no-strings attached mentality. The complete meltdown during dinner. This is a man who has been hurt, and he’s struggling to find a way to heal. Carlos had unknowingly probed at the wound in his soul and T.K. had lashed out. It makes sense, even if it wasn’t fair.

T.K. looks miserable and despite their history all Carlos wants to do is make him feel better. “Judging by that lip, I’d say mission accomplished,” he says, trying to lighten the moment.

“You’re really busting my balls right now?” T.K. asks, an unreadable expression on his face.

“No,” Carlos says. “I’m busting your jingle bells.” He tries and fails to hold back a smile at his incredibly stupid joke.

T.K. blinks at him. “That’s terrible,” he says, but he is also struggling to keep his face neutral.

“And yet you’re smiling,” Carlos says. He feels lighter, like there’s been an ominous blizzard hanging over him in the weeks since they stopped seeing each other. Now it feels like the snow has finally started to fall and all the ugliness of the bare world in winter is being covered in a fresh layer of soft white powder. There’s a sense of hope to it.

“I’m laughing at how stupid it is,” T.K. says.

“Well laugh while you work,” Carlos says, reaching for a bar of Hershey’s chocolate to put on the roof. “I know your dad said it wasn’t a competition, but Marjan and Paul seem to be working on a second story. So I’m not sure they know that.”

Together they finish the roof, adding on lots of dripping icing as snow and icicles. Carlos carefully starts to add windows while T.K. works on the landscaping.

“Tommy I don’t know why you’re trying to make me do these little details when you know I’ve got fat fingers,” Judd is saying across the way as he and Tommy try to add a steeple to their church.

Marjan and Paul’s apartment building does indeed have two stories and they’ve somehow managed to chisel out actual windows in the graham crackers. Lexi and Nancy are creating a ski chalet that includes a chairlift, and Owen and Mateo’s fire station sports a fire pole made of pretzel rods.

“There,” T.K. says, plonking a creation down in front of where Carlos has crafted a front door out of Kit Kats.

Carlos raises an eyebrow. “What is that?”

“A snowman.”

Ah. Now Carlos sees it. There are two marshmallows stacked on top of each other and T.K. has shoved pretzel sticks in each side for arms. There is a lifesaver on each one and they’re connected by a thread of Twizzler. “What’s on its arms?” he asks.

“Handcuffs,” T.K. says.

“The snowman is getting arrested?”

“Or getting ready to do something kinky.”

“In front of a police station?”

“Some people get off on a little exhibitionism. Don’t judge Carlos,” T.K. says, a smirk on his face.

Damn it. They should have stayed mortal enemies. Now that they’re talking again, Carlos feels the urge to drag T.K. into the nearest cubicle and kiss the shit out of him. He didn’t need to go to a bar to find trouble. He could have shown up on Carlos’ doorstep and gotten into plenty.

Carlos’ attempt at a police cruiser has them both laughing; the oreo wheels keep falling off the rice krispie body (which T.K. snuck out and stole from the break room and has loudly been declared illegal by half the staff in the room) no matter how much icing he uses to try and stick them on.

“Stop eating our building materials,” Carlos admonishes a few minutes later when he goes for another red gum drop and finds they’re nearly gone.

“Why? They’re delicious. Tis the season for sugar,” T.K. says.

Carlos goes to give him a look and notices a dab of frosting on the corner of his mouth. “You’ve got some—“ He mimes brushing it away.

T.K. grabs a tissue and wipes, but misses completely. “No other side,” Carlos directs without success. “Here just, let me.”

He swipes the tissue from T.K.’s hand and dabs carefully, taking care not to pull on T.K.’s split lip. Their eyes meet and a heat passes between them, setting Carlos’ bones on fire. He clears his throat. “Got it.”

“Thanks,” T.K. says quietly.

They spend another half hour decorating before Owen makes them put all the buildings together into a little town while he snaps a picture for the company social media accounts. It’s actually pretty adorable once assembled and Carlos goes home that night strangely optimistic about what the rest of the week has in store.

Tuesday is business as usual and by the time Wednesday morning rolls around Carlos finds himself excitedly driving into work, his gift for T.K. in the passenger seat. He’s scrapped all his other gifts and spent the last two days looking for better items. Last night he visited a local tea shop and probably went a little overboard. They’d definitely upsold him on a few things and he’d let it happen because Monday’s gingerbread decorating had put a kernel of hope in his chest and…it can’t hurt to make sure T.K. likes his gifts, right?

He drops off T.K.’s gift bag and is only mildly disappointed when he walks into his own cubicle to find his desk is empty. It doesn’t matter; at least, that’s what he tells himself. Honestly, he’s not surprised. People are terrible at doing Secret Santa, it’s very likely that his person has forgotten him in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.

He heads to his desk and gets right to work because they’re all heading out early to help with a toy drive at the local fire station; another of Owen’s brilliant ideas to encourage office camaraderie. It means he has a lot more to take care of than usual to try and make up for the lost time, and by mid-morning he’s in desperate need of a second coffee.

He’s about to get up and make one when his phone rings. It’s Ernie, their security guard from downstairs informing him that there’s a delivery waiting for him. Confused but intrigued Carlos heads for the elevator.

“Hey Ernie, all set for the holidays?” he asks when he reaches the desk on the ground floor.

“Just about. Got a couple more things to pick up today, but then I should be good to go,” Ernie tells him. He nods toward a bag and a coffee cup on the desk. “That’s for you.”

“Thanks.”

Carlos picks up the white paper sack and has to hold back a snort when he sees what’s written on the side. Hope the holidays don’t make you “cronuts”- FF. He peeks inside and inhales the scent of cronuts from Twiggy’s. Cronuts are a massive weakness of his, and a sip of the coffee tells him it’s made just to his specifications, a little bit of cream, no sugar. Whoever his Festive Friend is, they know him well. His suspicions are definitely leaning more and more toward Lexi.

He gets back in the elevator and when he steps off he nearly runs over T.K. “Whoa, sorry,” he says, holding up the coffee so it doesn’t spill all over T.K.’s chest.

“Lunch?” T.K. asks, nodding toward the bag.

“A snack from my ‘Festive Friend,’” he says. “Cronuts from the Twiggy’s.”

“That place is great. Enjoy,” T.K. says.

“Do you want one?” The words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself. God he’s needy. “I um, I got two and I can’t eat both. They’re really only good fresh, it’s not like I can save one—“

“Sure.” T.K. thankfully interrupts his ramble and the affirmative response sends a jolt of electricity through him.

They step into the break room and T.K. boils some hot water for tea before settling down across from Carlos at one of the high top tables, a kitschy little vase of fake flowers between them.

Carlos pulls out the cronuts and puts each one on a paper plate. They’re decorated for the season as little Santa bellies, and hopefully they’re as delicious as he remembers. He slides one toward T.K. before picking up his own and taking a massive bite. He has to hold back a groan. They’re freaking amazing.

When he looks up he finds T.K. staring at him with an amused smirk on his face. “Sorry,” Carlos says, feeling his cheeks heat. “I um, these are my favorite.”

“So I can see,” T.K. says, the smirk widening a little. “The last time I saw that look we were both way more naked.”

Carlos feels his entire face go red at the reminder. He finishes chewing his bite, trying not to let memories of said naked time take over his brain. “So your dad,” he says. “He’s really into the holidays huh? We’ve never had so many festive office events.”

“Yeah my dad doesn’t really do anything by half measures,” T.K. says. “I think he might be overcompensating on the holiday cheer a little bit this year. The move down here was kind of a lot and I haven’t exactly been a bundle of joy lately, so he’s trying to fix it with cocoa and faux Christmas wreaths.”

Carlos takes another bite and thinks carefully about his next move. This new dynamic between them still feels tenuous, and he doesn’t want to fracture it. But at the same time, he can see the unfiltered hurt in T.K.’s eyes and he longs to help bear the weight of it. “You mentioned a breakup the other day,” he says quietly. “Is that part of why you came?”

T.K. blows out a breath and looks down at his cronut. “It’s the whole reason we came.”

Carlos watches as he wrestles internally and he’s just about to say that T.K. doesn’t have to tell him anything, when T.K. starts to speak again. “I had a boyfriend, in New York. Alex. We were together for like…I don’t know, a year I guess? He was the first boyfriend I’d had since getting sober and I wanted it to work so badly. Like this relationship was proof I finally had my shit together, you know?”

Carlos nods.

“I had this plan, I was going to propose to him. Had a ring, a restaurant, the whole thing. I was basically down on one knee and he—he told me he’d been cheating on me. With his spin instructor.”

Something hot and violent shoots through Carlos. “That motherfucker,” he says, before he can stop himself.

T.K. looks up in surprise and lets out a startled laugh.

“Sorry,” Carlos says. “That’s just…wow what an asshole.”

“Yeah he definitely was,” T.K. says, looking a little more relaxed now, as if Carlos’ angered sympathy has put him more at ease. “For a long time I think. I can look back on it now and see little moments. We only ever went where he wanted to go for dinner. He was always busy when I asked him to meet my friends. There was stuff I was overlooking because I was trying to prove to everyone else that I was stable.”

“I get that,” Carlos says.

T.K. shifts a little. “I went home after that, found a bottle of pills and…took them until I couldn’t feel anymore. My dad had to bust down the door to save my life.” He shrugs. “And that’s how we ended up here. He knew I needed to get away, so he took me as far as he could get.”

He looks up at Carlos. “I’m doing better now. Well, kind of.” He indicates his black eye. “But that’s why I freaked out on you that night. It wasn’t the champagne or anything you did. You were—you were so kind to me Carlos. I just wasn’t ready for it. And I’m really sorry that I walked out on you.”

The urge to reach over and touch him, to hold his hands and soothe away the hurt that’s painted into the lines of his forehead is overwhelming. But he’s not sure T.K. would be into that so he grips his own thighs instead. “Thank you for telling me,” he says. “That all sounds really difficult. I’m sorry I ambushed you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t more understanding when I realized you were uncomfortable. I think um, I think my ego took a little bit of a hit,” he says sheepishly.

“Oh you think Mr. ‘I Know It Doesn’t Look Like a Lot of Work’?” T.K. asks with a grin.

“Hey, that fish took me like three hours to make,” Carlos teases. “You missed out.”

T.K. sobers a little and fiddles with his cronut again. “I think I missed out on a lot.”

Carlos opens his mouth to offer a response, but Lexi pokes her head into the break room. “Carlos, your phone is ringing off the hook.”

“Coming,” he says, sliding off the stool and picking up his plate with the last couple bites of cronut on it. “Are you going to the toy drive this afternoon?”

“Boss dad said be there so yeah, I’m going,” T.K. says. “Thanks for the cronut.”

“You’re welcome,” Carlos says and then hustles back to his cubicle, where his phone is indeed ringing off the hook. He shoves the last bite of cronut into his mouth as he sits down, chewing furiously before he picks up. “This is Carlos.”

An HR crisis means Carlos is the last one to leave the office and arrive at the fire station’s toy drive. He looks for T.K. as soon as he gets there, but Lexi pulls him over to a table where they’re taking donations for one of the local food pantries.

“So,” Lexi says as they fill boxes with canned beans and stuffing mix and mac and cheese, “looks like someone’s back on Carlos Reyes’ nice list. Although with the way you were looking at him, seems more like you’d prefer he stay on the naughty list.”

“Lexi!” Carlos hisses, looking around. “There are kids here!”

“Oh they can’t hear me,” she scoffs, handing him a bag of flour. “They’re all at the make-an-ornament station.”

Carlos looks over and finds T.K. hunkered down by that very table, laughing and smiling as he helps a couple kids glue pompoms and sequins to colored paper. It’s adorable and Carlos’ heart melts a little at the sight.

“See? That look right there. You’ve got it bad. You want him to jingle your ba—“

“I’m going to remind you that I’m your HR rep and you probably shouldn’t finish that sentence,” he says quickly.

“Fine.” She rolls her eyes. “But you two did look pretty cozy in the break room earlier. The great branzino war is over I take it?”

“Yeah we had a good talk,” Carlos says.

She clears her throat. “You can say thank you anytime now you know.”

He furrows his brow. “For what?”

“For making you do Festive Friends and fixing your broken heart.”

“My heart was not broken,” he scoffs.

“You have been acting like you’re in the last ten minutes of a Hallmark movie for weeks. Time to finally realize you’re in love and kiss under the mistletoe,” Lexi tells him.

“Just because we’re friendly now doesn’t mean we’re going to kiss.”

“Okay. Sure. Believe whatever you want.”

There’s a massive influx then from a church group and thankfully the matter is dropped for the rest of the night.

On Friday Carlos stops at home to change his clothes before heading to a local bar for their holiday party and the big Festive Friends reveal. He puts on a pair of dark jeans and winces when he pulls on the ugly sweater that Owen insisted they all wear. As far as they go, his is pretty tame, albeit with a bit more sparkle and pizazz than he usually goes for. It says Feliz Navidad in tinseled letters with some primary colored pom poms decorating the rest for good measure. It had been part of a family white elephant a few years ago and has sat in the back of his closet since for good reason.

He gabs the box he wrapped up for T.K. on the way out the door. It’s nearly as brightly colored as his sweater. Generally he tries for a more sedate theme in wrapped gifts, but T.K. is so vivacious and colorful that he broke into the stash of wrapping paper he usually saves for his nieces and nephews.

He’s nervous as he drives and he can’t quite put his finger on why. Is it because he wants T.K. to like his gift? Because things between him and T.K. have shifted in a more positive direction and his stupid heart can’t quite stop believing that tonight might be like that first night at the honky tonk? Is it because he feels very stupid in this sweater and he really hopes everyone else obeyed Owen’s instructions from the email invite?

Probably all of it.

Ah well. At least if things don’t go well there will be liquor around to help drown his sorrows.

There’s immediate relief when he walks in through the doors of the bar and sees holiday themed knit-ware all over. “Hey Carlos, glad you came,” Owen says, greeting him at the door in a sweater with a massive reindeer head on the front.

“Mr. Strand,” Carlos says, giving him a nod.

“Carlos we’ve been over this. You can call me Owen,” Owen says, a tinge of good natured exasperation in his tone.

“Yes, right, sorry” Carlos says, embarrassed. Didn’t he just chide Mateo for the same thing last week? Somehow this seems different. And definitely a weird way to address the man who fathered his most recent hookup.

“Go ahead and grab a drink, there’s hors d’oeuvres, I highly recommended the stuffed mushrooms, and then when the time feels right make sure you deliver your gift to your Festive Friend,” Owen says brightly. Then he leans close. “I got Judd a new belt. Italian leather, handcrafted, this thing is a masterpiece. He is gonna love it!”

“I’m sure he will,” Carlos agrees.

“Oh! Nancy! Come on in!” Owen gives Carlos a pat on the shoulder and moves past him to greet her.

Carlos says hello to Judd and his wife Grace, his eyes searching the room and finally landing on T.K. who is standing at the bar chatting with Mateo. Carlos’ heart flutters at the sight of him even as he tries to figure out what the heck is knitted on the back of his sweater. It appears to be a long, yellow tail, but that can’t possibly be right, can it? He takes a breath and then abruptly loses courage and goes to find Lexi instead. “Nice earrings,” he says when he gets to her table.

“Thanks,” she says, pushing her hair back so he can see them better. “They’re from my ‘Festive Friend’ Marjan.”

“Great,” Carlos says as he grabs a chip from a bowl on the table. “Did you give Paul your gift?”

“Yes, he is thrilled with the crime novels I got him. He hasn’t read that author yet so hopefully he likes them.” She gives him a look. “Why do you still have T.K.’s?”

“I haven’t seen him yet,” Carlos says defensively.

“You mean you saw him and you’re too chicken to go over there because you’re having feelings and don’t know what to do with them,” she says bluntly. “Are you going to ask him out when you give it to him?”

“I—I don’t know,” Carlos says. “That seems pushy.”

“You two were practically making out in that break room.”

“We were literally sitting three feet apart,” Carlos says dryly.

“Fine. You were emotionally making out.”

He wrinkles his nose. “That’s not a thing.”

“I think you should ask him. It’s Christmas. The season of miracles. And wishes. And Santa shit. This is your chance!” she says enthusiastically.

“How much have you had to drink?” he asks.

She scoffs. “This isn’t drunkeness. It’s my Christmas wish that you grow a pair and ask T.K. out.”

“That is a terrible wish,” Carlos says.

“Well it is what it is. You wouldn’t want to break a girl’s heart at Christmas would you?”

He opens his mouth to respond but Paul calls Lexi’s name and beckons her toward him. “That’s my cue,” she says, hopping off her bar stool. “Gonna go kick Paul’s ass at darts. Good luck!”

And with that she’s gone, leaving Carlos alone with his feelings and his gift box. He stares at it for a moment and gives himself a stern pep talk. It’s a gift. Not a marriage proposal. If T.K. hates it, it’s whatever.

“Hey Carlos.”

He’s waited too long. He looks up to find T.K. standing on the other side of the table, a smile on his face. Carlos can now see the front of his sweater. Some kind of lizard smiles at him, clearly the front end of the tail he spotted before. Above it are the words “Merry Crickets.” It is truly the most hideous thing he’s ever laid eyes on, but somehow T.K. makes it look adorable.

“Hey,” he replies..

Excellent. Great. He’s crushing this.

“Nice sweater,” T.K. says, taking a sip of the drink in his hand.

“Thanks. This is some party. Your dad is quite the host.”

T.K. rolls his eyes, but there’s a fondness to it. “Just be grateful I talked him out of chartering a party bus. And roller skating.”

“Your dad thought our holiday party should be at a roller rink?”

“He was going with an 80’s holiday theme at first,” T.K. says. “It took a lot of bargaining to get him down to ugly sweater instead. I think he was an event planner in a former life.”

“He definitely has a flair for it,” Carlos agrees. He looks down at the present in front of him. He should have gotten a drink before doing this. “So um, actually, I’m your Festive Friend. Surprise. This is for you.”

He slides it across the table and T.K.’s eyes immediately light up. “Can I open it now?” he asks eagerly.

He looks like a kid on Christmas morning and it’s so endearing that Carlos can barely breathe. “Yeah, yes, it’s all yours.”

T.K. pulls off the bow and rips open the paper, lifting out the soft yellow sweatshirt inside. He doesn’t say anything for a moment and Carlos feels a flutter of nerves. “It’s—“

“The sweatshirt Harry Styles wore in New York last summer,” T.K. says. His tone is almost reverent, his thumbs moving back and forth to stroke the material. “Oh my god. I have Harry Styles’ sweatshirt.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not the exact one he wore,” Carlos says, feeling sheepish. “But I know you like him and hoodies so it seemed right.”

“It must have taken forever for you to find this,” T.K. says.

“Oh, no, it was…it was no big deal,” Carlos says, omitting the entire night he spent on instagram combing through Harry’s outfits of the last few years and trying to find them for sale.

“Thank you Carlos,” T.K. says, sincere gratitude in his voice. “This is amazing. All your gifts were amazing.”

“I mean, that hat was kind of lame,” Carlos says, still embarrassed that he bought something so generic.

“No it’s great! I’m going to wear it the next time I go to an Astros game,” T.K. says, a twinkle of mischief in his eye.

Carlos chuckles. “Yeah good luck with that.”

“Did you get your last gift yet?” T.K. asks casually.

Carlos shakes his head. “Not yet.”

“Any guesses who it might be?”

He has no idea. There’s no one in the office that knows him well enough to send him cronuts besides Lexi and he knows she had Paul. “No,” he says. “Usually I’m pretty good at figuring this kind of thing out, but everyone in the office is so new I haven’t really been able to get a read on anyone.”

“Marjan?”

“She had Lexi.”

“Paul?”

Carlos looks around until he finds him standing in a corner next to a Christmas tree, laughing at something Lexi just said. “I don’t think so. He’s from Chicago, I doubt he would know about Twiggy’s.”

“Judd?”

“Something tells me he wouldn’t know about cronuts either,” Carlos says with a laugh. “I feel like it has to be someone who knows me pretty well, but Lexi is the only one—“

His eyes land on T.K.’s face and he knows. He can see it in his eyes and he feels stupid he didn’t realize it before when T.K. used that false casual tone. “You?” he asks in surprise. “You’re my Festive Friend?”

T.K. reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an envelope. “Merry Christmas,” he says as he hands it to Carlos.

Still in a little bit of shock Carlos carefully lifts the flap on the envelope to reveal a printed out email inside. “A cooking class?” he asks, looking up to search T.K.’s eyes.

T.K. nods, a flicker of nerves flashing over his face. “It’s bruschetta, pasta, and a dessert. A husband and wife team run it out of their home. I thought, I mean you obviously know how to cook, but I thought it might be fun.”

“It sounds amazing,” Carlos says genuinely. He’s always wanted to try his hand at homemade pasta.

T.K. nods and takes a breath. “I um, I got you two tickets. You can take whoever you want, but I—“ He runs his hands nervously over his jeans. “I know I fucked things up between us, so I was hoping that maybe this could be kind of a do-over for us. If you want?”

“Yes,” Carlos says immediately. It’s embarrassingly fast and absolutely gives away how badly he wants them to try again, but he doesn’t care. “Yes I would love a do-over.”

“Yeah?” T.K. asks, his eyes full of hope.

“Yeah,” Carlos says. A smile plays on his lips and he’s about to thank T.K. for his other gifts when something occurs to him. “You little shit!” he says incredulously. “You bought me those cronuts and then sat there and ate one like you had no clue who’d given them to me!”

T.K. sends him a wicked smile. “I was counting on your holiday generosity,” he says.

“How did you even know about that bakery?” Carlos asks.

“You mentioned it,” T.K. says. “I don’t know, it was the second or third time we hooked up. I saw a flyer for them on your fridge and you told me how good they were.”

“You remember that?” Carlos asks in surprise. After their blowup he’d convinced himself that he was just a warm body for T.K. to be with, another notch in his bedpost who’d meant nothing to him.

T.K. looks at him, his face serious. “I remember all of it Carlos.”

The words make his heart swell and he hysterically wonders if this is how the Grinch felt when he heard the Who’s singing on Christmas. “I remember too,” he says. “It was incredible.”

“That first night, in the honky tonk. Best bathroom hookup of my life,” T.K. tells him.

“Only bathroom hookup of my life,” Carlos says.

“Yeah, I know,” T.K. says with a roll of his eyes.

“How could you know that?”

“Because you kept looking around like it was the most unsanitary thing you’d ever seen in your life,” T.K. tells him. “So I made it my mission to make you forget all about it. Pretty sure I succeeded.”

Carlos flushes as he thinks about T.K.��s mouth and his hands and the way they felt on his body. “You definitely did.” His gaze drops to T.K.’s lips. “God, I want to kiss you so badly right now.”

T.K. smirks, clearly please that he’s turned Carlos on in the middle of this bar. “What’s stopping you?”

“Um the fact that all of our co-workers are here. And also your dad,” Carlos says with a laugh.

As if on cue Owen’s voice rings out over the crowd. “All right everyone!” He claps his hands a couple times. “If I could have everyone’s attention please! Thank you all for coming to the 126 Designs holiday party. I have a little surprise up my sleeve. Tonight, we are going to be participating in some holiday karaoke!”

A bar employee rolls a karaoke machine in out of nowhere to cheers from the crowd. “Did you know?” Carlos asks.

“No,” T.K. says. “But I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“Get on over here!” Owen encourages them. “Judd! Let’s hear a little Deck the Halls buddy!”

“Come on.”

T.K. reaches for Carlos’ hand and pulls him toward a side door. “Wait, what about karaoke?” Carlos asks.

“Do you really want to stay here and listen to my dad attempt a version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town?”

Carlos considers this. “Actually…”

T.K. laughs and tugs him again. “Come on Reyes.”

They step outside into the night, the door closing behind them. It’s quiet and the air has a slight chill. Nothing that would even hint at a white Christmas, but enough that it feels like the holiday season instead of the dead of summer. A few stars have managed to permeate the light pollution and the moon shines brightly above them.

The side of the restaurant is lit by a single streetlamp, giving them just enough light to see each other, but also the illusion of privacy from anyone else who might be walking by. T.K. leans against the brick of the wall and tugs Carlos toward him, dropping his hand so he can grab his waist, his thumb pressing into the crease between Carlos’ thigh and his hip through his pants. “Well,” T.K. says, the cocky ass smirk on his face that shoots something hot through Carlos’ veins. “Go ahead. Kiss away.”

Carlos looks around in fake concern. “Mmm, I don’t know. Someone could still see us out here.”

“Don’t worry,” T.K. pulls a sprig of mistletoe from his pocket and dangles it over their heads. “I swiped this from inside. Now you have to kiss me. Christmas rules.”

“Oh is that right?” Carlos asks with smile, pressing in a little closer, and lifting a hand to run it through T.K.’s hair before sliding it down to cradle the back of his neck.

“Definitely,” T.K. says.

Carlos doesn’t waste another second before leaning in and fitting their lips together. The sparks inside him whirl and dance before bursting into full on flames. It feels like coming home.

T.K. opens up and invites him in, their bodies coming flush together, searching for as much contact as possible. Carlos fists one hand into T.K.’s hair, the other landing solidly on his lower back and urging him closer, while T.K.’s roam everywhere, traveling Carlos’ biceps, his chest, his back, his ass, and everything in between.

Carlos slots a thigh between T.K.’s legs, pressing into him and T.K.’s head falls back against the wall, eyes closing as he lets out something between a groan and a sigh. Carlos smiles and uses the change in position to press kisses into the sensitive spot just below his ear. “I missed you,” he says in between breaths.

“I missed you too. Am I going to have to report this to HR?” T.K. asks.

Carlos pauses and pulls back, sending T.K. a withering look. “Haha,” he says dryly. “Thanks for reminding me that I’m going to have my hands full with this one in the new year.”

“My ass is quite a handful,” T.K. says with a smirk. “But you can handle it. It’s just a little bit of paperwork. And someone got you really nice pens for the holidays.”

“Yeah someone did,” Carlos says, poking him in the side until he squirms. “Speaking of paperwork, you owe me a thank you note for your gifts.”

T.K. bites his lip. “Why don’t you take me back to your place and I’ll do a little better than a thank you note?”

Fuck. Carlos swallows hard. “What about the party? Won’t your dad be upset?”

“I’m spending Christmas day with him. He’ll live.” He slides a finger along the waistband of Carlos’ jeans. “We can go back in if you really want to though. I do a mean rendition of Jingle Bell Rock. We can stand in there with all of our co-workers and you can try not to think about how good I’d make you feel if the two of us were in bed together.”

Carlos strokes a thumb across T.K.’s cheek. “As much as I would like to hear you sing Jingle Bell Rock, I think I’d rather take you home.”

T.K. gestures toward the street. “Then lead on Festive Friend.”

It’s the merriest Christmas Carlos has had in a long time.

#Tarlos #Tarlos Secret Santa #tarlossanta #tarlossanta23 #Festive Friends #Office AU #Christmas #Secret Santa #Christmas Fluff

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mattsfavbigtitties · 4 months

Text

SFW Alphabet/ Nick S.

Warnings: Just platonic besties here!!

MASTERLIST TAGLIST

A/n: I tried to make it as platonic as possible with you as his bestie, but if you want a diff version i'm open to do a nick/male reader :). I just wanted to include nick in the alphabet i did with the other 2 as a non-nsfw vers. lmk on my asks!!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

I feel like Nick wouldn’t show a lot of affection, but he’ll let it show when he feels like it or needs to. When he does he’ll cuddle you when you guys are laying in his bed hanging out or on the couch watching a movie. Some different ways he shows affection is with hand holding or just simply resting a leg or hand on you to show he’s there.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship be?)

Definitely the BEST friendship of all time!! You guys make the funniest jokes when you’re together. Lots of ‘arguments’ about stupid shit. Definitely hyping each other up and pretty much attached at the hip. Unless one of you needs time away.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He doesn’t really cuddle a lot with you, but when the moments are right or you guys are in the comfort of his home he’ll drape an arm or rest his head on you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Probably not ready to settle down with someone right now. With all the youtube business and space camp he doesn’t really have the time to. I say he’s pretty good about cleaning the house, but not very good at cooking. He rarely cooks, ever.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d make it fast and confrontational, but at the same time in a very comforting way. (??)

F = Fiance(e)(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Not right now in his life does he need a man or to get married. In the future though, I’d say he’d take his time with his partner. Maybe a couple years (longer.)

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Even though he jokes a lot with you he knows when the time’s right to be serious. He’d be very gentle in ways of handling you or touching you when he knows something has happened. Although if it’s just a regular day for you two(or should I say four) he’ll play around quite a bit with slapping.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

LOVES his personal space bubble. I don’t think he’d hug you often enough(like everyday), but when he’s feeling up for it he’ll surely let you know.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

I think he wouldn’t say ‘I love you’ until about a year into the friendship. But before then he’d say it in a no-meaningful way. He’d say it multiple times as a “omg, thank you bestie, I love you so much!” kinda way.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I don’t think he’d get very jealous unless you really distants yourself and hung out with someone else for just a while too long. Nick would literally come straight to your face and explain what’s up with that and ask questions spot on.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

If he ever did kiss you on the lips I think it’d have to be from a silly truth or dare game. In the meantime he’d only ever kiss your cheek or forehead as a little affection from him to you.

L = Little Ones (How are they around children?)

I’d say he loves children. But only the ones who aren’t stuck up brats. And if you had any younger siblings he'd get along with them so well!

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

When you two sleep in his room it’s HECTIC. Waking up with the sheets practically half off and you guys star-fished across it. It’s completely crazy to Matt or Chris when one comes to wake you up.

N = Night (How are nights with them?)

Anytime you stay the night Nick always makes sure to set up a little movie dates(as friends obvi.)

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Nick would open you to things on a more personal level around about maybe the 5th month of being friends.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

With you, I’d say he has a bit more patience than with Chris or Matt. If you do keep annoying him, like on purpose or something, he would get agitated pretty quickly once he realized you’re doing it on purpose.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

I think he’d really stick to the important things you’ve told him in all your years, but forget some of the little details.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

First time showing you his favorite show, Rupaul’s drag race. The way you got hooked so fast on it still amazes him to this day. Your face was priceless.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

I feel like Nick would be pretty protective of you. He’d stick up for you whenever someone was causing a problem for you. Just whenever you needed any help, he was there. If there was ever a boyfriend(or girlfriend, doesn’t matter) that treated you badly he would immediately act on it.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Nick would definitely have an anniversary of the day you met and make it a big deal. He’d celebrate TONS that day with you.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I definitely see him yelling at the randomest times about something stupid that just came to his brain.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Nick seems to always worry about his weight, but any and every time he ever said anything about himself in a bad way, you were right there to pick him back up.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Totally, he wouldn’t know what to think of his life if you weren’t in it.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Nick inviting you to be in a car video and you guys just constantly taking WAY off topic to the point even Chris was like wtf.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Would NEVER get with a man with a loud car. But on a serious note he wouldn’t let anyone roll with shaming anyone in ANY way. (I had a brain fart guys don't come at me)

Z = Zzz (What is a sleeping habit of theirs?)

Sleeping on his back. That’s it. That’s the habit.

#nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #mathew sturniolo #sturniolo #nick sturniolo x you #nick sturniolo x reader #mattsfavbigtitties #mattsfavbigtittiesaus #sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo fanfic #nick sturniolo fluff

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kosmicdream · 7 months

Text

the way i think of the "3 arcs" in ffak (i am not sure i will end up with 3, btw, its possible i might cut one in half or something else..) is basically that.. arc 1 was the unplanned improv adventure that developed everything, taught me how to draw comics, write a story, ect. arc 2 is the ~actual~ story that i "originally intended" to tell with FFAK (although a lot of that is also in ARC3 too), before it was made into this big sprawling story - and has developed all this time and taken me years to write and prepare for. so im excited and interested in reactions to that. and arc 3, well, arc 3 is something else entirely, but i don't want to say too much about it yet.. it is weird to have the entire story written out though. it feels both big and so small vrs the days id spend building up more and more for the world. i don't think about it like that anymore, even though i think about it a lot every day still. I feel pretty satisfied with how the first chapter of this arc has gone and I hope the next four of this arc will also go well too. yes, im only planning this arc for five chapters. can i do it? idk. it wont be a big deal if it needs more. in a weird way, it means more to me to finish the 2nd arc than the entire story as i've waited so many years to draw the scenes in it. its kinda amazing how long it takes just to develop a story, and in a way 10 years does not seem that long at all. before FFAK, i basically gave up my dream of making comics/writing because of how "disorganized" and crazy my ideas felt.. it has always been the story that FFAK was kind of something i threw myself into, but since it worked at all i was not going to ever let go of it. Still haven't.. yet. But i feel ready to let go when its time. Now, I feel like the work of making a comic its not all that hard even if it is very tedious. sure id love to draw and write better, but that feeling will always be there. I am just grateful to see the ideas come out at all feels a lot better than being creatively constipated and feeling miserable about it, like its bad to have "too big" of plans and be "too ambitious" like its a negative thing, cuz it might not be achievable - what? i love to try. just a sad place to be as an artist, to shame yourself for your own natural creativity and curiosity and pity yourself for not being good enough to make a fool of yourself for trying. pride is such a stupid thing to stop yourself from drawing your own ocs LOL. either way, id rather have it out than just have them sit inside and not ever be shared or seen for myself. every time i think i could have done something better, in the end i just feel relief i managed the miracle of making it at all. its weird to think that i can see an end to this story too and im still getting used to that feeling. i can see all the stories i want to get to beyond it, but Im patient and i know they can wait. i am going to really enjoy my time with it while its all still here. Just felt like sharing some of my feelings as this chapter gets closer to its end and i finish the first step of this new adventure of FFAK!

#ffak #feast for a king #webcomics

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cowgurrrl · 1 year

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I’m Still Standing

Pairing: rockstar!joel x actress!reader (except he’s at home with the kiddos in this one)

Author’s note: yes I was influenced by Pedro’s Actors on Actors interview

Summary: Actors on Actors: You and Carolina Garcia-Long [2.0k]

Warnings: talk of pregnancy/family life, the age gap is finally ✨revealed✨, relationship stuff, Carolina being the best, discussions of sex scenes, I think that’s it!!

Carolina sits across from you in a beautiful white dress that perfectly compliments her olive skin tone, smiling big and bright. You've already been talking as the crew sets up around you, and you're struggling not to have too much conversation without the cameras rolling. It's been a long time coming, but after more than a decade of working together, you two are finally sitting down with Vanity Fair to discuss your jobs. Somebody calls to action, and a set of questions pops up over Carolina's shoulder, but you don't look at them immediately; you look at her.

"I'm so happy we're doing this," you say, and she smiles.

"Me too! I feel like I haven't gotten to pick your brain about this stuff in forever." She says, settling into her big plush chair, and you nod.

"Well, it's like every other year one of us is pregnant."

"That's true because you had Sam like three or four years after I had Victoria, and then the girls were born last July, right?"

"Yeah, they're gonna be one soon." You say bittersweetly, and Carolina pouts her lips sympathetically.

"Do you think becoming a parent has changed the way you work?" She asks, and you nod.

"Oh, absolutely," you say. "Even before we had Sam, Joel and I's older daughters totally changed my life and what roles I took and how much I worked. It's kinda crazy to think about how fast it all happened. Like one day, I was able to binge-watch Law & Order: SVU with no problem, and then all of a sudden, these girls came into my life, and I couldn't even think about it because it would make me sick to my stomach."

"That's how I felt after I had Elizabeth! They just change your whole world, man."

"And can I gush about you really fast while we're talking about our kids?" You ask, and she laughs.

"Uh oh."

"No, it's all good. After I had Sam, I was so worried about how having a baby would affect my career, and my body looked different and whatever else, but you made me feel so safe and secure and loved. You reminded me I was able to have a career before I was a wife and a mother, and I could continue that career after. I don't know if I can ever describe... what you gave me because it was so integral to the actor I evolved into, and I've always had so much respect for you, not only as a friend and an actor but as a mother. And seeing how hard you worked made me want to work just as hard. Not just for me but for my children. So, thank you." You say, and Carolina reaches across the couch to grab your hand, and you smile.

"Thank you for saying that. You know how much Ryan and I love you, so I'm glad to know that we were able to give you some actually good advice," she laughs, squeezing your hand. "We've been friends for a really long time now."

"Fifteen years."

"God, are we old?"

"I don't know. Our first project together is about to turn thirteen." You say, both of you groaning as the fact settles between the two of you.

"Oh, my God, you're right!" She exclaims, dropping your hand to cover her face. "When we did Sweet Water, you had just moved to LA, right?"

"Yeah, it was my first series ever. Ryan told me you had just been cast, but they were still looking for someone to fill the role of Alex, so I went in for the audition, and I wasn't expecting anything, and they cast me right then and there."

"Which never happens."

"No, never." You agree, still not fully understanding what it is those directors saw in your all those years ago to cast you on the spot. Carolina points to her nose like she's remembering something, and you smile at the habit. She always does that when she has something to say.

"I will still get people who come up to me and tell me how much they loved that scene of us in the hospital because it was so raw."

"Well, yeah, neither of us had slept the night before because we were filming, and we just let whatever was going to happen happen, and it ended up being one of those scenes that is just… once in a lifetime, y'know?" You say, and she nods. "You were and still are such a generous scene partner in everything you do, like in how you listen and react and really find your characters. It was an amazing thing to work on with you, and I still brag about you whenever I get the chance."

"I remember filming the scene where you came into the hospital all bloody and bruised and going home to tell Ryan, 'I think this kid has some serious potential.' I mean, you were just phenomenal, so I was not surprised when you started getting picked up by all these major studios," she says. "Speaking of which, tell me about The Beginning of the End."

"What do you wanna know?" You sigh as memories of those fifteen months flood your brain.

"Everything. What was it like filming it? What did you think when you read the script? What was it like shaving your head on camera?" She asks.

"Well, shaving your head on camera isn't much different than actually shaving your head because you pretty much get one shot to make sure it's good, and that's it. But, yeah, that was a hard movie to make. I was in a really weird place mentally, and Ruth was such a complex, nuanced, broken character, so it was interesting getting to know her and hard to let her go when we wrapped up. For better or worse, I still find pieces of her in my daily life."

"I remembered you calling us from Ireland and being like, 'I don't know if I can do this. It's so hard.' And I remember telling you there was no one else out there who could bring Ruth to life the way you did, and I still believe that to my core. There is nobody who could've played Ruth the way you did."

"You and Ryan were such an anchor when I was over there because I was alone and I was working all the time, and then it was always fucking raining, which is just not good for anyone's mental health and-"

"And you and Joel weren't together at this time, right?" She asks, and your jaw drops a little as you look at the cameras.

"Caro," you say, laughing. "I don't think I've ever talked about that publicly before."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Her hands fly over her mouth, and you reach out to grab her hand.

"No, it's okay. It's fine. All our loved ones already know the story, so it's okay," you say, squeezing her as a comfort. "But yeah, Joel and I were separated at that point which is another reason why it was so weird to be there alone."

"I remember you telling me you guys broke up, but it's been so long, and you are always together, so it's easy for me to forget about that. How long were you guys separated?"

"Pretty much the entire time I was there."

"Wow," she breathes. "Do you think that separation made your relationship stronger, or have you just not thought anything about it until I brought it up in front of cameras?" She asks, and you laugh.

"No, I definitely think it made us stronger. We were both going through a lot, and I won't speak to Joel's experiences, but for me, separation was the best thing I had to offer at that specific point in our lives. And we really didn't speak at all while I was over there because it just hurt too much, and we were both working, and he was being a dad, and there were just too many moving parts. But when I got back to LA, we had coffee, and it was like no time had passed at all."

"Things were back to normal. Just like that?" She asks, snapping her fingers, and you nod.

"It was kinda crazy because we had both grown so much in that year or so, and I was worried that he wasn't gonna like the person I was coming back as or we wouldn't feel the same, but, oh my God, I'm gonna start crying," you say as you dab at the corner of your eye. "I still had so much love for him, and being with him and the girls… it just felt right like there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to be with them. And I knew if we could survive that, we could survive anything."

"And now look at you."

"I know. Five kids and ten years later."

"How old were you when you met Joel?" She asks, and you have to look at the ceiling as you do mental math.

"I was… Gosh, I think I was twenty-eight or twenty-nine. Somewhere around there. We met when Ryan and I were filming Hyde." You say, and she furrows her brows as she thinks.

"And how old was Joel?"

"Joel was either thirty-nine or forty when we met. Or..." you trail off. "Maybe he was forty because we met in the fall, and his birthday is in September."

"Can I tell you something I've never told you before?" She asks with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Please."

"When Ryan told me you were dating Joel, the first thing I did was google how old he was because I knew he had two kids, so I was a little worried," she says, and you laugh. "But then we met him, and he was so goddamn charming. It's really hard not to like him."

"Isn't it the worst? He's got that accent and those stupid guitarist arms and those big, brown eyes," you gush, rolling your eyes. "And he doesn't even know how pretty he is, which is the most annoying part!"

"Wait, so if you guys met during Hyde, did he know what the movie was about?" She asks, and you make an eek face.

"No, and I wasn't going to tell him because I didn't know how serious we were gonna get, but then he showed up to set with me one day, and we were filming the cabin scene-"

"Oh, the cabin scene!" She half-yells, and you laugh. "Dude, when that movie came out, I got asked about it all the time."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Well, everyone knew how close the three of us were, and when the movie came out, people were shocked that I would let my husband do a scene like that with one of his best friends. But Ryan told me he wasn't going to take the part until I read the script and approved or disapproved or whatever, but I thought it was just fantastic. Because it wasn't just about this relationship between these two people, it was about the different paths each wanted to take when it came to your character, Amber, being pregnant. Plus, it's just work. It's not like this was a real thing that was happening." She says, and you nod in agreement.

"I remember I got cast first, and then they brought us both in for a chemistry read, and we were like, 'this would be so crazy if we got to be in this movie together,' and then we were. And I think I do recall Ryan saying something about letting you read the script and you encouraging him to do which, thank you, by the way."

"I didn't do anything except give him a nudge," she shrugs. "Wait, so Joel was there when you filmed that scene?"

"Oh, my God, yeah. I tried to get him to wait in my trailer, but he didn't wanna listen to me. So, he was off in the corner while I'm, like... filming this sex scene, and it was so embarrassing because we had only been dating for a few months at that point. Plus, you're already so vulnerable in scenes like that, but Ryan and Tanya Reid, our intimacy coordinator, were so supportive, so I felt really safe," you explain. "You did a good job with that one." You say, and she laughs.

"Yeah, you too."

#one for the money two for the show #rockstar!joel x actress!reader #rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader #rockstar!joel miller #tlou au #the last of us au #dad!joel miller

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apathetic-dry-rot · 9 months

Text

Wilting Nerium- Chapter 3: Sex, Drugs, Ect.

Lawrence Oleander x AFAB!GN!Reader

CW/TW: Mild smut, drug consumption, panic attack, wlw-coded, hallucinations, mentions of marijuana and alcohol consumption (Not by reader)

Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Disclaimer: I do not condone any of the content in this fanfic or game in real life!

Lawrence Oleander belongs to Gatobob

NOW PLAYING: Sex, Drugs, Ect. by Beach Weather

The only bad thing about working at a nature reserve is once you’ve been left to die in the woods, you kinda get a bit anxious when in a forest. However, I knew these woods. These were my woods. I don’t have anything to fear at work.

Work is the one place where I’m truly safe.

The readjustment was a bit difficult, but I needed to get back to my job, for both the money, and the fact that if I didn’t, I was gonna go fucking crazy.

It was a relatively simple job, but I’d been doing it for years, so of course it’d be simple to me. I was in charge of checking up on all of our tagged wildlife and making sure that none had gotten killed by hunters or poachers.

It was a soothing routine, but as per usual in my life nowadays, there was something different.

One of our stags had been attacked. By something much larger than anything we had on the premises, and it’s highly unlikely that any predator from outside the reserve wandered in and went for the stag itself.

“Something got Milo?”

Milo was one of the four stags we had at the reserve, and the most docile, which makes the whole situation even more weird.

“Yeah. Uh, whatever it was was pretty big. Bigger than anything that uh, we’ve got here.”

Lola was a nice coworker, on the shorter side with short, poofy auburn curls- almost like an afro, and had wide, light brown doe eyes. Also her smile was entirely too bright and she had a short temper, but she loved the animals and never pressured me into talking or anything, so she was good in my book.

She let out a melancholy sigh, running a thin hand through her boingy curls.

He’d never go after someone like her, she’s far too intimidating for him, and-

Stop. You’re at work. This is the only safe space left.

“Down to three, then, I guess. How unfortunate.”

The frown wrinkled her face in all the wrong ways. It looked unnatural on her.

Luckily, she quickly ‘turned that frown upside down’ and grinned at me, not much different than a cheshire cat.

That smile was almost as unsettling as her frowning.

My name slid off her tongue slyly, she was planning something. She wanted something from me.

“Hey, I’m throwing a party this weekend, if you’re interested.”

I must’ve not been hiding my emotions that well on my face because she scrambled to convince me.

“It’s gonna be super small, just a few coworkers and some of my friends, no more than like, I don’t know, thirty people, maximum. If that, even, I swear. Just stop by for like, half an hour and you can leave whenever you want, I just…”

She sighed softly, her face filling with concern. I know where this is going.

“I was hoping to get you some fresh air, in a more societal setting after, y’know,” she gestured slightly at me, her eyes trailing the visible scars on my neck, face, and arms; “Everything you’ve been through.”

I exhaled deeply, rubbing my wrists.

“I’m not sure, Lola.”

I don’t know what she was thinking, I couldn’t look straight at her, like she was the sun, it was hard to look anywhere near her general direction.

“Please, just for a little while, you don’t have to stay for long, I swear to you.”

Awkward silence filled the air as I discreetly shuffled towards the door and shifted my weight back and forth on my legs. My hand held the doorknob tightly, knuckles white and twisting the cold metal.

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.”

She beamed, I didn’t even have to look at her to know it, I could feel her overjoyed grin radiating sunlight throughout the room.

“Yes! Sounds great!”

I furrowed my brows and glared slightly at her tiny button nose, not looking her in the eye.

“No promises, though, okay?” She practically pirouetted past me, giving my shoulder a light pat as she went by.

“I’ll be looking forward to it!”

At least Lola was right about the size of the house party being small, but this place absolutely reeked.

Of weed. And other drugs.

I’d worn simple clothes: a black tanktop, light blue high waisted jeans, my old black Doc Martins, a green flannel. Enough to not look like a hobo, not too much so I’d look like an overachiever.

It wasn’t too loud inside either, just some 80’s rock playlist playing for ambience in the background, humming of chatter in different rooms as people mingled with one another.

And here I was, alone.

I knew this was a horrible idea. I should’ve just stayed home.

I sort of just stood there for a few minutes before making my way into the kitchen, where I walked through an almost heavenly cloud of marujuana smoke lingering in the air.

“Hey there, stranger!”

I nearly jumped all the way out of my skin as a hand clasped around my left shoulder and tugged me into the side of a girl a bit taller than me.

Her physique was lean and slightly muscular, with a strong jaw and sharp nose, her eyes mismatched colors of olive green and honey brown, with a light dusting of freckles adorning her cheeks, and long golden blonde hair reaching to her waist.

Aka, REALLY FUCKING PRETTY.

Oh, shit I’m staring-

“Oh, uh, hi. Sorry.”

She laughed, soft and sweet and I could feel the heat rising to my face because ohhhh myyyyy god, she’s so gorgeous and her laugh is perfect and adorable and-

Her hand landed on my shoulder giving it a small squeeze.

“My name’s Aiden.”

I cleared my throat and held my hand out in greeting.

Do people even do handshakes anymore? I mean like, it’s 2023-

She shook my hand gently, and I wanted to collapse.

Oh fuck, my name. Dumbass you’re introducing yourself, you need to tell her your fucking name.

“Uh, I’m-”

I could hear my name being called from the living room, causing me to freeze in my spot, Aiden and I both turning to the source- Lola- her strong and lightly calloused hand not leaving mine.

I repeated my name slowly, smiling awkwardly. “Yeah, that's… that's me.”

Lola looked between the two of us as she approached, gasping excitedly and gesturing at Aiden and I in a wild fashion.

“Oh my goshhhh! You guys are getting alongggg! That's so totally fucking awesome, my besties are befriending each otherrr!”

She's high as shit. Probably drunk, too. I mean, it is her house, she has every right to get crossfaded if she wants.

Aiden let out a noise of realization, squeezing my hand and patting it lightly with her other hand, grinning wider before releasing my- probably sweaty- palm from her grip.

“So you're the coworker from the reservation that I've heard so much about? It's so good to finally put a face to a name!”

I let out a nervous laugh before nodding with a small ‘yeah.’

Lola dragged us off, parading us around the house, encouraging me to open up to a few people, and no one was sober enough to recognize me.

Which was actually a huge relief that helped me talk to them. They couldn't pity me if they didn't even know who I was.

Intoxicated people are funny.

At some point I had been offered a sort of gray-brown, shriveled up lump, causing me to turn to Lola, who was next to me on her sofa, Aiden resting her legs on my lap lazily.

“What… is this?”

Lola giggled slightly.

“It’s shrooms, y’know?”

I hummed, rolling it around on my hand while debating.

“If you don’t wanna like, eat it, you could brew it into a tea, I think.”

A shiver crawled along my spine, the scar on my neck tingling, and I shot the brunette an uneasy smile.

“I’ll just eat it the normal way, thanks.”

She laughed, lightly hitting my shoulder as I put the mass in my mouth, my face scrunching up at the odd taste, making Aiden chuckle in amusement.

I coughed after it went down, the blonde reaching onto the floor next to her, handing me her water bottle for me to take, my name falling from her mouth like a small blessing.

“Here, to wash it down.”

I took it from her, our fingers brushing slightly, making me melt inside at the smoothness of her hand against mine, finally taking a gulp from the plastic Dasani bottle.

It tasted oddly familiar.

I shook the thought away, this was neither the time nor the place to be thinking about him.

I’m at a party, not a therapy session.

I turned to Aiden, my hands absentmindedly rubbing her shins.

“How long does this shit typically take to kick in?”

She shrugged, her perfect face serene, hair falling over her shoulders.

“Dunno, usually ‘bout half an hour. Varies from person to person.”

I let out a hum and nodded, zoning out at the sound of her voice.

Closing my eyes and leaning back, I sighed and picked off the loose hairs I felt on her pants.

After a while, things felt, wobbly.

It felt laggy, like a video game.

I opened my eyes slowly, looking around at my surroundings.

Everything was in slow motion. Lola was gone.

It was just me and Aiden in the room.

Alone.

She mumbled as she sat up and tucked her legs underneath her, placing her hand on my shoulder.

“Huh…?”

She leaned towards me, I could see all the freckles dusting her cheekbones and nose.

“I said you look confused. You okay?”

My eyelids drooped, her soft breath against my ear warming up my neck and face.

“I… think so.”

She feels so soft, like velvet.

“Your hands are pretty, y’know.”

She giggled, and I felt my temperature rise a few degrees.

“Yeah, well your face is pretty.”

My eyes snapped up to meet hers, her face only inches from mine.

“All of you is pretty, actually.”

I let out a small noise, akin to a whine, as her lips hit mine slowly, my eyes closing while I leaned into her, my hand tracing her jawline.

Oh, fucking god-

Her hands gripped my hips, moving me to straddle her lap as she moaned into the kiss, my lips parting slightly, her warm tongue darting to move against mine in response.

Aiden began stroking my stomach with her thumbs, filling me with butterflies and making me shiver against her, heat flooding my body as I whimpered into her, her hands squeezing the plush of my hips, holding me down.

Her lips left mine, trailing down my cheek to my jawline and neck, my small noises louder without the muffling of our frantic kissing.

“You’re so sensitive, baby.”

I groaned at her words, my fingers moving to grip her shoulders.

“Can’t help it… been a while, and you’re too perfect.”

She chuckled against my jugular, nipping at my throat softly, causing me to groan, one of my hands coming to grip the hair at the back of her neck, a moan escaping her lips.

I grinned, pulling her hair back slightly, testing the waters, her gasp on egging me on to return the favor and attack her neck with little nips and open-mouthed kissing, her small noises of pleasure fueling the fire in my abdomen.

“Fuuck, sweetpea-”

She cut herself off with a soft moan as I hummed against her throat while sucking hard at her skin. I dragged my tongue over the forming bruise in my wake, causing her hips to buck up into mine.

I leaned back to admire the red and purple blotches on her skin, sliding my hands under the hem of her shirt, looking into her eyes, silently begging for permission to take it off, her shivers and frantic nodding of her head prompting me to ease the fabric over her shoulders and head before tossing it to the side.

“Perfect, so beautiful.”

I latched my lips onto hers once more, moving my hands to palm at her bra-covered breasts. She moaned against me, her hands finding my hips again, grinding me down against her, controlling my movements while my fingers tangled themselves into her hair and tugging. She slid her hands up the back of my shirt, scratching at my lower back with need. I pulled away from her again to shrug off my flannel and tug my shirt off, the two articles of clothing join hers on the hardwood floor before moving to kiss the skin of her chest, sucking bruises into the soft plushness of her tits, taking care to bite softer than on her neck, her hand finding my hair as she threw her head back in pleasure, her figure looking divine, my head swimming from the drugs, the only thing I could think of was how perfect she felt against me. I moved back up to her lips slowly, moving my hips against hers as she continued digging her nails into my back, a groan leaving me with a shiver. The hand in my hair slid down my neck, tracing the car there making me squirm at the feeling, my brain trying not to scream at the negative memories associated with it. I leaned back and opened my eyes, only to find that her eyes weren’t the green and golden brown from before, but now a steely shade of gray-blue, her hair lightening to a straw-colored blonde. My breath hitched as my body flung me onto my back on instinct, my body colliding with the floorboards with a very loud thump, my eyes flooding with tears that began streaming down my face.

“Oh, fuck I-”

I struggled to breath, wiping at my eyes, blinking at Aiden, who had moved to the floor, her hand coming to rest on my shoulder, my skin crawling as I flinched at the contact.

She looked like herself again. Oh god, I fucked everything up again.

“I-I’m sor-sorry, I can’t, I-”

She shushed me, brushing hair out of my face.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

I sobbed, hiding my head in my hands.

I fucked up, I ruined it, everything was going so well, fuck, fuck fuck fuck.

“I- I need to go home, I’m so sorry.”

She helped me put my shirt back on, handing my jacket, reassuring me that it was okay and that she wasn’t mad.

Liar, I ruined everything, just like always.

She had Lola call me a cab before giving me her number as I apologized profusely.

The ride home was quiet and uncomfortable, the lights blending together unnaturally, trailing behind each other.

My apartment was dead silent when I finally got home.

Good. I’d probably cry if I heard noise right now.

My body and mind cried, aching to lay down in my warm bed as I changed out of my clothes, slipping into green flannel sweats and a black t-shirt.

After finishing my nighttime routine, I flopped into my bed, cocooning myself under my blankets, sighing as the warmth and exhaustion caught up to me, dragging me under the surface of the dark slumber that awaited me.

Word Count: 2546

#btd #lawrence oleander #boyfriend to death #lawrence x reader #btd2 lawrence #lawrence btd #lawrence oleander x gn!reader #btd fanfic

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epithetical · 8 months

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2024 UPDATE (OFFICIAL)

Hey, everyone. Longtime no talk. Despite being weirdly active on this account, I haven't really made any textposts since high school. So I've decided to fix this by giving a gigantic update post about my very busy 2023. If you're new and don't know anything about me, or knew me as a teen and are wondering what I'm up to now: buckle up.

TL;DR:

Dropped out of art school. Released an award-nominated(???) dating sim, ValiDate. Killed the Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX. Conquered Jaw Explosion Disease. Hung out with some friends. (Also, a lot of NDA shit that I can’t talk about.)

ART-SCHOOL DROPOUT

From 2021 to 2022, I was attending a prestigious and overly-expensive art school for their (brand new!) game design program. When I first graduated from high school, this college was my dream choice, and coming off the success of my early game dev career, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to polish my skills while I kept working on the side. My first commercial game was still in development, but we were feeling comfortable, and I felt like getting greedy.

Pride before the fall. Full Icarus mode. You know how it goes.

The school itself was…alright. Satellite campus, mid-pandemic, hybrid learning. Close enough to commute comfortably, classes just long enough for masks to not give me a headache, and the handful of remote courses helped keep my medical problems at bay. Problems that the school was a little unequipped to help with, though the disability office did their best. I had to drop a class because my body, at the time, couldn’t handle eight hours of classes without some Crazy Side Effects.

(Keep in mind that every class was, minimum, four hours. And I had to take at least five a semester. Each class also saw me make an entire game from scratch. My body was already at its limit.)

If you knew me in high school, you’re probably waiting for the shoe to drop: I was, famously, the worst at academics. Never did homework, rarely finished projects, slept through first period at least once a week. Surprise, though: I was fucking great at this. My GPA doubled. Turns out that going to school for a discipline you already have a career in, and are kinda obsessed with, kinda does wonders for you. Unfortunately, I picked the worst time to care about school, since my commercial game’s release was the same exact night that my five school games were due.

TL;DR, I didn’t sleep for a week, almost fucked both up, and got burnout so bad that I couldn’t do anything for a calendar year. So I dropped out! Now, about a year of job hunting later (the game’s industry is imploding right now, and the only studios that considered me were… questionable, to say the least), the expensive art school wants me back. So badly. Turns out the whole school is so broke and understaffed right now that they’re basically chomping at the bit for that tuition money. Got a week to decide. Jury’s still out.

VALIDATE POST-MORTEM

So, if you couldn’t tell from the above section, we released a game in 2022! I was supposed to write a post-mortem for it, but… burnout from the above, combined with general “post-release depression,” and I didn’t feel like touching it.

Part of me still doesn’t!

Yet I kinda think the feeling of me not wanting to talk about ValiDate is still worth discussing, so here we go:

For those of you that aren’t aware, I was a head dev on ValiDate, a dating sim that released in 2022. Volume 1 (of 3) did, anyway.

Did a lot of music, did a lot of writing, created some characters people really care about, created some characters people really want to fuck, made a couple Tweets that my boss hated, got accused of being reverse racist a few times. It was truly one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences of my life. And, yes, we’re still working on Vol. 2 behind the scenes.

That’s actually the reason why it’s kinda hard to talk about Vol. 1!

It was my first commercial game, my first publicly released game, and I think there’s always gonna be a… natural embarrassment toward your first “real” project. Combine that with my natural “if you stare at me for too long, I will kill myself” tendencies, and the game’s release was a special type of torture. It’s one thing to watch people play through a game that you poured your blood, sweat, and tears into, knowing full well that they might hate it (or just misunderstand it), but shit gets so much worse when you know that you could have done better.

It’s a very special kind of psychological torture to have creative decisions you feel were mistakes, things you half-assed because of burnout or deadlines, or things you did wrong because you just didn’t know any better! The embarrassment was overwhelming, so I just… dipped for a while. Didn’t watch gameplay or read reviews, didn’t do much of anything.

Took me a while to realize that me being embarrassed about the project isn’t because ValiDate was bad or anything. I was embarrassed because it was an incredible learning opportunity for me. The amount that I picked up on game design, community management, leadership, marketing, pitching, porting, etc. in two years is more than any school could teach you in four. Volume 1 was a game made by amateurs, still wet behind the ears, trying to build something from grassroots.

But Volume 2 is a game-ass game.

And having done all the work we have on Vol. 2 (which, while I can’t talk about it publicly, is a lot!), looking back at our first release feels like… revisiting your awkward middle school photos. Sometimes it’s hard to not feel contempt for who you were when your biggest struggle was becoming, but learning to choke down that shame? It taught me to feel grateful for the you of yesterday, who clawed their way through uncertainty so that you, today, can stand on sturdier ground. Growing up is embarrassing, and it turns out you keep doing it well into your twenties! Sucks.

For the past few days, Dani and I have been watching a Twitch streamer play through Volume 1. We’ve been so deep in planning for the future that we figured, hey, may as well revisit the past. Detached from all that embarrassment of becoming, I gotta admit: we made a fun little dating sim. People like it. Hell, I like it. Sure, I know all of its flaws and shortcuts, and I have my fair share of critiques… but fact of the matter is, if I have a problem with something, I can just fix it.

Admittedly, In the past, that attitude of mine has actually been more of a problem than a solution. “I can fix this myself!” is all fine and good when you’re a solo dev trying to throw something together, but it turns out taking on excess responsibility in a collaborative setting is a way to make shit suck for you and your team. During the Kickstarter demo era, I was literally on every team besides art. Writing, programming, music, I got my fingers in all those pies. It was fun to me, and more importantly, it was sustainable.

Until it wasn’t.

Volume 1 coinciding with my tenure at [art school], using a (finicky and, frankly, shitty) new game engine, being much larger in scope, introducing minigames (which, surprise, I was team lead on)... I pretty much killed myself trying to get it all done. Honestly, I blame half of our day-one bugfixes on me specifically. Every single one of them was an oversight made because I was pulling the classic “I’m unmedicated so crunching is the only way I can feel alive” type shit.

Except for the OST. That one sucked because art school sucks all the joy out of creating.

Happy to say that our workflow for Volume 2 has been much more sustainable for me, even if I’ve officially broken my “no art” rule for it. Yeah, turns out I’m finally making use of that animation major. Sucks.

Self reflection over. Except for one last note:

If you’ve followed ValiDate, played our demo, donated to the Kickstarter, replied to our Tweets, played our second demo, bought our game, or just talked about us to a friend… I am so, so grateful. Beyond what words could possibly describe. It’s been my dream for as long as I can remember become a game developer, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you guys. Vd8 wasn’t what I expected the cornerstone of my career to be, but honestly? I couldn’t have asked for a better one. We have Vriska in our game. How many people can possibly say that?

And to those of you still waiting for Volume 2:

You haven’t seen anything yet.

GAYMING AWARDS

Speaking of ValiDate… Did you hear we were nominated for some Gayming Awards last year? We were!

Three other head Vd8 devs (Dani: Production, Alexis: Art, Cam: Code) flew out to beautiful New York City for the award show last March, which was actually our first time actually meeting up IRL. Really funny how I’ve known Dani since I was fifteen, but here we were, a decade later, finally meeting face to face. She’s so much taller in person. I’m still taller, but barely.

Meeting up with internet friends is one thing (and more on that later!), but meeting up with internet coworkers? It’s interesting. This was the first moment that ValiDate felt “real,” seeing as it was suddenly important enough to give us comp’d flights and a hotel room, but more than that: the people I’ve been working with for years exist? We’re all hanging out together? We’re wandering through Manhattan all day? We’re eating the most disgusting food at Junior’s in Times Square? We’re trying to figure out what this mystery liquid is? How much did this food cost again? (Seriously, my onion rings were 90% dough and 10% onion.)

While I won’t bore you with the minutiae—I think my friends would prefer the privacy anyway—the entire trip to NYC was fun, exhausting, and a dream-come-true.

Except for that goddamn award show. Jesus CHRIST, what a trainwreck.

No, I’m not saying that just because we lost. We did lose, though. (Personally, I was fine with it, but I also had to travel the least distance to get there. So…) I’m saying that because the entire Gayming Awards industrial complex was, uh, kinda busted this year?

So imagine, you’re us: bunch of twenty-somethings on your Sex and the City shit. Big award show tonight, formal attire. We’re talking high heels, long dresses, full suits, the whole nine yards. Now what do you do in Manhattan? Walk. Sure, we weren’t walking in formal attire the entire time, but it was still a good five blocks to the award center where—wait, what do you mean they relocated the ceremony? The hall they rented is closed for mysterious reasons? Where the hell are we doing the award show?

If you answered “the drag bar where the afterparty was supposed to take place,” congrats, here’s $20. Way further away from our hotel, which meant more walking, and also a way smaller venue with a lot less… formality, let’s say. But we’re young gay people, we don’t care about formalities, who gives a shit! As long as it can seat all of us, then—oh there’s no seating. Ohhhh. Oh! Okay.

I’ll admit, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. There were a handful of couches, VIPs only. Realizing quickly that, oh shit, we’re VIPs, we managed to snag some front-seat couches before any of the pesky old people could. (We’re young! We deserve to sit! You’ve had your entire lives to sit, established games industry people! Let the new generation have a turn!) Unfortunately, when I got up to cash in my free-drink voucher, my seat was stolen by some white lady.

So I sat on the floor.

March 2023. You, sitting at home, have decided to tune into the Gayming Awards “live” on Twitch, curious to see what Britain’s premiere gayming magazine had to say about, uh, esports.

This is important to you.

Fortunately, this year you’re watching a decently shot and scripted award show filmed in a (noticeably claustrophobic) little bar, complete with charming presenters (many of whom are local drag queens) and a myriad of corporate sponsors. You can hardly tell that the entire show was uprooted and moved hours prior!

Yet, for some reason, whenever the cameras cut to the audience… There’s some large man, right in front of the crowd, slumped down on the floor as if he’s bleeding out. With every award given, his clapping grows weaker. The more the camera cuts to him, the more life drains from his body, as if his existence itself is anathema to “gayming.”

Imagine, for a moment, that this man is nominated for an award.

Imagine that he, after a lifetime of potassium deficiency, has been teetering on the edge of a Charlie Horse Reckoning for hours.

Imagine that the microsecond that his game’s name is called as a nominee, the Reckoning begins.

Now imagine a world where he wins that award.

A world where he is forced to stand—from his corpse’s rightful place on the ground!—in front of his peers and superiors, pretending as if he’s not afflicted with a life-ending muscle cramp.

So, yeah. I was pretty fine with losing.

Later, we ditched the “afterparty” to drink at Applebees. (Turns out “green tea shots” don’t have any green tea in ‘em?)

EULOGY FOR THE GOLDEN GIRLS TAKE MANHATTAN DX

Big announcement! I was a team lead on The Golden Girls Take Manhattan DX, a certified Tumblr Gold™ fan-project (by the immortal Grawly) about the eponymous Gold Girls in a Persona-esque parody game!

Slightly bigger announcement! The game got cancelled. Sorry.

Feels a little weird talking about this, since the year-ish I spent working on the game passed in the blink of an eye, and I’m not going to lie and say that I was an instrumental piece of the team or whatever. I was lucky enough to lead a very talented team, and to play with some very fun devtools, but the game was definitely more important to me than I was to it. (Grawly, if by some off-chance you’re reading this, please click off now. You can peek back in at the Jaw Explosion Disease subheader. I promise I’m very nice and respectful.)

I was in high school when I was first made aware of TGGTMDX. My friend group was very into Persona (in the pre-P5 days), and one of our favorite video subgenres was “videogame UI on top of sitcom scenes.” It didn’t take us long to stumble onto early-build footage of TGGTMDX on Tumblr, and what spawned was a years-long fascination. I’d even consider it one of my many… game dev awakenings? The idea that the only thing stopping me from making “American Persona”—one of my many white whales—was commitment to the bit. Just one of the many things that fueled my teenaged suicidal overconfidence.

Speaking of suicidal overconfidence, about a decade later, I was invited to work on the game! Coming fresh off ValiDate, I was desperate for a chance to make a real portfolio piece (visual novels, while popular, will never get you a job), and this sort of opportunity only presents itself once in a lifetime. Fulfilling a teenage dream while furthering your career? What could possibly go wrong!

That makes it seem like there was some explosive drama behind the scenes that ruined everything. Sorry to say that most game cancellations aren’t that exciting, and that this game’s death was by a thousand microscopic cuts. Most of which are not my place to talk about: this game wasn’t my baby, and cancelling it wasn’t my choice to make! Many people worked on this for much, much longer than I even knew how to code, and they deserve to have their feelings prioritized. Whenever that post mortem gets published, I’ll be the first to reblog it, trust me.

Instead, I’d prefer to talk a little about this as being my first real “loss” as a game dev. Certainly not my first project to go under, and I’ve had my fair share of shelved prototypes, but something about this cancellation was… different. Working on your dream project is all fun and games until you feel partially responsible for it dying, y’know? It felt Sisyphean at a point, like trying to dig a hole in the sand with a pitchfork. I would work at the game, and work at the game, but nothing I did felt like it made a dent.

Part of me knew I wasn’t giving it my all, between the school-based burnout (above), jaw explosion disease (below), and ValiDate (omnipresent), it’s not like I could’ve afforded to put more of myself into it. Besides, I was literally a team lead, half my job was telling other people what to do. But the spectre of “you’re not doing enough” was hard to shake. Even when all these other responsibilities ebbed and I could afford to give this game my all, the difference felt minimal.

We spend a lot of time pitying Sisyphus for having to push that boulder uphill over and over, but none of us ask ourselves “could we even move that big fucking rock in the first place?” Apparently, I couldn’t.

I wasn’t the only one that felt that way, it turned out. In fact, pretty much all the friends I made on the project felt the same. If there’s any “real” reason why the project got cancelled, it’s that. No big falling out, Disney didn’t give us a cease and desist, no secret rebrand going on in the background. Just a bunch of lads getting sick of pushing a boulder. Hell, Grawly’s been doing it for a decade. Let him rest.

Not too much rest, though: we’re already working on a different game together (Date Knight: check it out if you haven’t!), and some of us ex-Golden Girls devs have some ideas for what else we can cook up.

For money, this time.

JAW EXPLOSION DISEASE

Probably the biggest “development” of 2023 was my sudden horrible nerve pain in July, which started as a sinus infection on the left side of my face, and soon became a horrific jaw pain. Long after my sinus infection healed, the jaw pain remained, which is a pretty bad hand to draw when a considerable portion of your day is spent “talking,” or “eating.” So, for the back half of 2023, I didn’t do much of either.

Instead, I had to take a considerable amount of ibuprofen, visit one doctor, three dentists, two hospitals, and four oral surgeons to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. The dentists discovered an exposed nerve, caused by wisdom tooth removal complications (sick!), the oral surgeons went “okay, we can fix that,” got me all numbed up. But it turns out that my left jaw is immune to local anesthesia! Thinking this was an infection, they kept putting me on antibiotics over and over in the hopes that it’d suddenly work. Took a note from my childhood dentist explaining that, “no, he’s always been like this” to find a surgeon willing to put me all the way under. (And then, the first time they tried, I woke up in the middle anyway! I got a full refund on the copay, at least.)

Ultimately, I found a very nice surgeon in December that treated me same-day, and did it perfectly, but the damage to my liver from all that ibuprofen was… bad. But it turns out that livers just… regenerate naturally? So, give it a few months, I’ll be at 100%. Hopefully.

OOMFCON

Hilariously, six months after we met up for the Gayming Awards, Dani and Alexis found their way back to NYC for a little combination meet-up/vacation we affectionately titled “Oomfcon 2023.” This time, with bonus friends! Our entire friend server, whose name I’ve been advised not to post publicly, had rented an AirBnB for anyone willing to drop everything and go to Brooklyn.

It took about a year of planning (mostly by Alexis) to get us all out there, but Jesus Christ, it actually worked.

Admittedly I’m a bit hesitant to talk at length about “taking a vacation”—even though I’m already… from here?—but it really was the highlight of my year. First for actually happening, when most friend groups I’ve had would have written the idea off as a pipedream, but mostly for being a really good time. A lot of walking, a lot of talking, a lot of drinking, a lot of dining. (This was during Jaw Explosion Disease, so you can imagine how my body took most of that.)

To Dani, Alexis, Miles, Haven, Grim, Xtine, and Ty: thanks for coming up here! The city is a lot more boring without you guys in it. I promise to have less health issues when we do this again!

And to everyone else outside the groupchat that I met and bored with my job hunt stories: Nice meeting you guys! Sorry that fate decided every single one of you is forced to keep in touch with me. (And I didn’t even get the shitty corporate job!)

#save.#this is a lot longer than i wanted it to be; but i had a lot to say.#turns out i actually have a lot of tumblr followers. so. time to actually engage with them.

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daphnebowen · 9 months

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Today’s prompt for twelve days of rina is favorite musical moment. I am going to be completely honest I have no idea what this means. Is it talking about song wise or like actually performance wise during an actual musical?

I’m gonna go with the first one.

my absolute favorite rina song has to be love you forever. and sure, Gina really doesn’t sing a whole lot during the song but does that matter? No. It’s about Gina, for Gina, to Gina. the implications of this song are incredible. Ricky is promising his whole life and forever to this girl. he’s known her for a year and a half basically and thru that year they have been thru so much together. They’ve grown together, grown apart, grown towards each other, and now are growing together again. some of my favorite absolute lines from love you forever(this might turn into a whole lyrical analysis bc there are so many good lyrics so just buckle up):

“I’ve never been more sure of what I’ve got, I’m staring at the only thing I want, so”

UGH. this line. It kills me, every time! Ricky is confident in his love for Gina. He knows what he feels and he’s known it for a while, but the problem is he didn’t know when to tell her. their lives have been a whirlwind of crazy for a couple of months but I am fairly certain that Richard Bowen has moved Gina Porter for a long time.

“I’ve been running I don’t know what from”

this is Ricky Bowen to a tee. He’s the guy who runs, he’s the guy who disappears when things get rough, he’s the guy who hides away when he doesn’t want to confront his feelings. so the fact that Ricky is now admitting this to Gina and showing her now that he knows what he’s done in the past but he’s changing! He’s gone thru so much character growth and he’s better for it! And I think that takes so much courage to be able to admit that because everyone he’s friends with knows Ricky’s habits. they can put two and two together. The camera guys, they don’t get the meaning of this line, eh whatever, he’s noncommittal, but it’s not that, it is so much more than that, and Gina knows that and Gina gets that.

“but you and I’ve become a sacred kinda home”

ah yes. this line. Gina is Ricky’s home. Gina is the place where she feels seen, and understood, and known. Ricky was the first person to see Gina for who she truly was and look past all of the intimidation and the fronts she was putting on so people wouldn’t know the real her. but Ricky saw her for who she was. and for me, this is a promise to Ricky. They’re building their own sacred home together and that to me is so special.

“so rare so real right here in this moment”

oh my. I love this line so much. the usage of the word rare is so amazing I have no words, bc rare really does define Gina and Ricky’s relationship. they’ve gone thru so many unique problems and really did get it all, because in so many movies you can’t have it all. If this were any other show Gina would have had to pick between New Zealand and Ricky, between her future job and her future love. but in this case her futures are tied together, they are one and the same, if that makes sense. she can have both and she will have both, because Ricky and Gina’s relationship is rare and true and beautiful and absolutely real.

“cause I love you feels a lot like high school and forever after that”

again, I just love this line because of the implication that rina can and will have everything that they want. they beat the odds, essentially. They’re meant to be and they’ve proven it. love can be found all over, whether romantic or platonic even. The relationships that you make in high school don’t have to end when you graduate - they can last forever beyond that and Ricky and Gina are proving it. and like I said earlier, how in some movies the girl has to choice between her dream career and her dream guy and with hsmtmts season four, she doesn’t. She makes her own future with both of her dreams in it. and that is so powerful and profound. bless these script writers and these song writers.

“I wanna finish what we started in the stairwell where we met”

oh my gawwww-

this is probably one of the most rooted lines in rinas history (that sentence did not make sense but I’m too tired to find out a way for it to make sense so suck it up). the fact that they met and instantly clicked and had a gut instinct from a two minute conversation in a stairwell about an ex and how to win her back. Even when Ricky didn’t think he was going to speak to her ever again both of them did what they do best: give each other some of the best advice of their lives, whether they realized it or not. Gina wouldn’t have gone to theater club if not for Ricky. Ricky wouldn’t have sang itikyk and gotten Troy and started rina on this whole crazy journey if he hadn’t spoken to this “intimidating” girl and gotten her advice. and even though we know this flashback wasn’t shot originally in season one (I’m pretty sure, right?) you can tell that the chemistry is off the charts. From one sighting. and the “finishing what we started,” going big with the declaration of love, that’s what Ricky is finishing. He’s finishing what they started but also continuing their love story on. and that is beautiful and heartbreaking and I will never ever be over them.

#12daysofrina #I’m probably rambling at this point #but I just wanted to get this out there before the day is over #love you forever is one of my absolute favorite hsmtmts songs and nothing will ever be on top #it just-#it hits different #like a lot #like seriously #im surprised I had enough coherent thoughts to make a post about this that’s how much this song does to me #hsmtmts #ricky bowen #gina porter #rina #ricky x gina #theyre such simps for each other it’s actually perfect

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misc-obeyme · 3 months

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RAHHHH AKWKWJDJF I DID IT, I FINALLY BEAT OG !!!! WITH LESS THAN AN HOUR TO SPARE BEFORE NEW LESSONS

except hard lessons

PRACTICALLY A YEAR AND HALF OF CONSISTENTLY PLAYING (AND LIKE FOUR YEARS SINCE I FIRST DOWNLOADED THE GAME), IT'S DONE !!!! IT'S OVER !!!!

and i feel strangely bittersweet. man, not to get sappy but like. i never would've expected to be where i am now. I've made so many cool friends ?! I'm back into drawing and I started writing ?! I'VE GOTTEN OVER MY FEAR OF COMMISSIONING PEOPLE, AND HERE'S ONE I LITERALLY GOT TODAY !! (FROM VINYXZZZ ON TWITTER)

like as crazy as life feels, obey me has been a constant the past while and has a chokehold on me, and my favorites have tumbled around on the list. But Mammon has been there since day one. I will be old and gray and his photo will be faded in my wallet. but maybe I won't have a wallet anymore so it'll be in a picture frame instead.

RAHH I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL OKAY I'M SO EXCITED FOR NEW LESSONS TONIGHT

minor spoilers ahead for lesson 80??

also the fact that only solomon remembered Mammon's name like 🤨 why's that mister sorcerer man? because you're in lo- *gets dragged offstage*

also the last chat with all of them, and asmo says "more like significant other" in response to solomon asking if mc is okay, and mammon freaks out "DON'T SAY THAT". thinking about this in my mc's story, and instead I'm like

"mammon the three of us are literally in a poly relationship"

"...the great mammon was just testin' ya! Don't want the two of you forgetting you're both mine just because you're both in the human world!"

DAAWW WAIR WHAT IF GETS SAD AND JEALOUS THAT MC AND SOLOMON STAY TOGETHER IN THE HUMAN WORLD 😭 ANGST!! OR IG HURT COMFORT BC THEY'D TOTALLY REASSURE HIM ONCE HE ADMITS IT!! actually they summon him every night so they can all go to bed together <3

SORRY IT GOT LONG OKAY I'M DONE WHEEE BYEEE

- ✨ anon (only bc I'm attached to my sign off ngl aksjd)

WOOO I'm glad you were able to finish OG!!!

Listen, when I think too much about all that Obey Me has brought into my life, it's like a weird thing that my brain cannot understand. Like I remember first downloading it and being like hm okay we'll see about this demon game, seems kinda ridiculous.

And like YES it is, but it also caused this blog to happen! And I'm a sad lonely person who made a ton of amazing online friends because of this game and I have so many lovely anons talking to me and people reading my writing and !?!?!?

It seems crazy sometimes to think all that came from this silly game! So I totally get you. I'm so glad that the game helped you make friends and start to draw and write again!! I think it's so great to have that thing that inspires us, no matter what it is!! And I love how we can all just talk about this game and connect with each other, no matter who we are. IT'S SPECIAL 😭

AH that commission is SO CUTE.

LOL I love when parts of the story feed our own headcanons and story ideas laksdjf.

I love the idea that Solomon and MC just summon Mammon to the human world every night, what a bunch of cuties!

How would your MC and Solomon deal with this when it comes to the NB storyline? I mean, do they just keep the secret from past!Mammon? Does he end up getting really attached to them without really understand why? I think it'd be hard for MC to have one partner who knows everything and the other one who has no idea...

#also no worries about the sign off #I don't mind labeling with both!#obey me #obey me solomon #obey me mammon #lonely-north-star #✨ anon #cc mutuals #misc answers

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starry-blue-echoes · 1 year

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OK COOL SO-

In ASBR there's a fight between Yukako and Bucciarati, in which Yukako is aware of the inner workings of Passione, and even Bucciarati is surprised at how she knows. And that made me think "Oh Yukako's definitely part of the mafia" so now I have a Yukako joins the Bucci gang au. Basically after Part 4 Yukako's family moves to Italy and she and Koichi have a long-distance relationship as she keeps him from finding out she just joined a mafia because Koichi would just. Instantly blue screen at that fact. Also because Giorno steals Koichi's bag Yukako finds out and destroys him. As a treat <3 I have a whole fic about this if you're interested in it, plus art of Yukako in the Part 5 style I made.

BSFVNSRFNSBHBSHVBS W H E E Z E -

I'd love to read the fic if you'd like to share, but also I brought this up to an irl friend of mine, he thought it was hilarious, and I hope you don't mind if I ramble to you about some of the Thoughts we came up with for our own spin on the idea-

(also I'm writing this in the "universe" of my Cinderella Rewrite, just so I feel more comfortable with yukakoi just a heads up thanks okay bye)

so sort of a headcanon for me to start things off, but Yukako's parents are both very wealthy but also very VERY absent, and once she hit middle school they stopped hiring babysitters to watch her so she was more or less on her own aside from a handful of incredibly scant visits/phone calls. She never knew exactly where their wealth came from but it wasn't really like she could ask so

but then fast forward to the end of her first year of high school and her parents suddenly drop the bomb that they're moving for "business" reasons and she's going to live in Italy. Naturally she's completely heartbroken because she has a life here. Friends and a boyfriend and people she'd honestly call family, and now her parents are making her leave it all behind without so much as an explanation

it's..... definitely rough, but made a bit easier by how Koichi swears he'll do everything he can to stay in contact. They have calls at minimum four times a week, send each other packages all the time, and just do what they can because they genuinely want this relationship to work out

as for Yukako's decent into Passione Things and joining the Bucci Gang...... I'll admit, I'm not super sure how exactly at the moment. I want to keep it with the theme of how Bucciarati helps her out in some way, and I do have the mental image that she didn't spend a lot of time at home because the house was way too big and empty and it was honestly driving her crazy. He probably saved/helped her somehow and Yukako, who's been honestly starved of any kind of Positive Adult Attention since Morioh, just decides "welp, guess I'll die for him"

I think it would be funny if she didn't actually join the gang at first, she just kinda.... sneakily helps him out from a distance. She knows Stand Magnetism would force her to meet some Stand Users eventually, so at least this way she's doing it on her own terms. Of course she's eventually caught, but she does impress them with her knowledge on Stands and ability to use hers, so New Teammate Obtained

Yukako definitly gives them a different perspective on Stands. She's pretty cagey about the specific details of where she moved from, but they do know it has a pretty big Stand community and she's been in a fair amount of fights. They also know she has a boyfriend whom she loves greatly and if anything happens to him Someone Was Definitly Going To Die

I can see Yukako and Fugo are both Besties and Worsties, bonding over being Rich Kids With Shitty Parents and also the only ones who posses a whole Two(2) braincells all for themselves, but they also have two of the worst tempers and when they fight it's bad. She also manages to get on Abbacchio's Not Bad side somehow and the two like to vibe silently together like a pair of cats

and I had. Such a funy sorta angst idea for a way for canon to go (and everyone lives because Fuck Canon <3)

so like. What if Koichi took the mission because it would be an excuse to visit Yukako. And the trip was supposed to be that week.

so ontop of the general stress of everything, Yukako is At Her Fucking Limit right now because she's supposed to be hanging out with her boyfriend for the first time in nearly 2 years, not going on the Worst Roadtrip Ever, she didn't even get a chance to tell him where she was going because this trip came out of nowhere-

and then by the time everything is over and Yukako gets back to Naples (still a little bit banged up from the last fight) it's unfortunately Koichi's last day here

were Diavolo not stuck in that death loop she would've ripped him to pieces with her bare hands

but then for a bit of fluff, a few months later thanks to the whole "now controlling the entire Italian underground which is a rather lucrative career" they're able to invite Koichi back so the two can hang out together for realsies this time

BUT in true Koichi fashion (for some crack), he accidentally gets ropped into Stand shenanigans and kidnapped again leading to a massive goose chase around the city

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cartoon-buffoon · 20 days

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Here's the objective, factual— if you disagree you're a mook—Cartoon Cat song tier list (/J, this is my personal ranking)

Explanation (going down from the tiers)

S Tier

Toon Catastrophe: I love this song, incredibly catchy with some good lyrics, not what I feel like a standard CC song should be but I think that works for it really well. I think the grim and depressing lyrics about how absolutely fucked you are while this snappy catchy beat really adds to it, there's also a decent part of humor with the humans characters in the song acting casual about this eldtritch monstrosity saying "maybe he needs the ol' litter box!". This part could make some people dislike the song yet I feel like it being goofy actually fits because CC is powerful but having him be a goofy element to his sinister presence does wonders. Not to mention this moment DOES NOT LAST and a few minutes later CC himself sings and comes out with STRAIGHT BARSthat give me chills:

"You can tiptoe and run all you want! I'm on the prowl, and I'm just being blunt but you're lookin' delicious, you're lookin' nutritious, you're probably going to sleep with the fishes! Cartoon Cat, I'm the Cartoon Cat, I'm the one and only, imagine that! The flavor of human is truly divine, let's count down the seconds before you die"

Only for CC to do a whispery countdown and then it goes back to singing. THATS STRAIGHT FIRE deserved top of S-tier plus the visuals look great with CC being stylized but still pretty accurate to Mr. Henderson's works, his walk cycle is pretty eerie and I love that too.

Run Away: it's fucking crazy this is 4 years old and it still holds up. The voice they give CC has been exactly how it sounds in my head since I've watched this It's one of my favorite voices for him with it being incredibly snarky and playful but still sinister. The entire song is essentially CC going on about how he's going to catch you and eat you which granted isn't very creative but with the rhythm so good it doesn't need to be. The simple lyrics work for it as well so the lack of creativity regarding the song doesn't matter, not to mention the bit after the second chorus utilizing a piano has to be my favorite parts. Overall good rhythm and in general solid.

A Tier

I honestly believe both entires in A tier are great and it was hard to put them down here, I wanted to put them both in S and it was a kinda 3-way tie with Run Away being considered to be put down here but ultimately I chose against it.

Tapes of Old: "but this isn't a Cartoon Cat song! It's a cartoon dog song–" SHUT UP MY TIER LIST MY RULES! SHUSH! SHHHH! Sorry but I actually really love this song, it doesn't really paint CD as a "good guy" like some people love to HC him as being the good version of CC meant to kill CC. Instead CD is just another creature with immense power who hates CC and they've had an eternal battle spanning across forever, it's been so long they don't even know why they fight they merely do, it's LITERALLY like cats and dogs. CD is pretty goofy looking in the video yet this works great and the run cycle of him on all fours sprinting creeps me out and if I saw that running at me oh yeah no that would be fucking terrifying. There's a specific section of the song that I believe implies CC and CD are harmonizing as well? Like after the second chorus there's a bit where it goes "our fight continues on and on! It keeps on going, never done! I keep thinking that cat is gone but it tells me RUN, RUN, RUN! it's a cycle I cannot escape, chasing forever this cat and a day, I refuse to take this as my fate! Some day I will put down the stray!". I heavily believe this is both of them singing at once with CD taking over only briefly to talk about the cat not dying, but the part where it goes "some day I will put down the stray!" It switches between the animation of CC walking and CD walking with "stray" being a neutral term for an animal with both calling the other a stray. The shared hatred and story these lyrics give make it soooo good plus it's fun to listen to, yeah once again struggled to put it down here in A.

Masquerade: also once again, I didn't really want to put this in A nor put this below Tapes of Old or Run Away as I believe these 3 are pretty on par with one and another. I bit the bullet though and this song? Although I don't believe it's the BEST CC song, it's my FAVORITE because the lyrics are once again aren't overly creative similar to Run Away and it's merely talking about how he's gonna get ya and you can't hide ya know. I will say though the title of the song and the tagline lyrics "After my little masquerade", I specifically love this masquerade line as it's a reference to the fact that CC isn't a cat nor cartoon. It's one giant act in order to latch onto this world and he just loves pretending to be one because he's something that is god-like. This is especially reflected in the lyrics that paints a real sense of hopelessness as while he also talks about killing he also does a good job demonstrating why running is pointless saying "Oh I have so much power!" Or "oh you don't know what I can do, especially to prey like you". This confidence combined with the voice they gave CC that's echoey and generally emotionless is so good as it once again paints a very vivid picture this is a mere game to him, all of it including your life means nothing to him and you're only alive because he's having fun. He doesn't need to worry about a thing, you're in his sights and it's over. Not to mention the visuals? OOOO, the SFM CC model is the perfect blend between fanon CC and canon CC being a weird middle ground that I think is perfect. I especially love how his ears look furry but their not, like the rest of his body it's pure rubber and it's just him trying to sell the bit of being a cartoon cat. Also towards the end of the song it shows CC commanding several other Mr. Henderson creations which granted isn't realistic as they all stay away from CC and CC also minds his own business, but this idea of him commanding over these twisted creatures kinda like an even more fucked up Bill cipher tickles me in a way I can't describe (and has also inspired an au of mine!). I love this song, sorry.

B tier

While these are good I wouldn't say they are in any way on the same level as A-tier because A-tier holds two songs which only BARELY didn't make the cut to be S and in all reality was more of a 3-way tie.

Curiosity Don't Kill This cat: I don't got much to say, lyrics are pretty standard as you'll see for all of these songs however one thing I will say though I love the much more ominous tone CC has. It feels like the standard for a song about him but other than masquerade I think this is the only one that does it hold throughout the entire song. Also I love the various jokes thrown in throughout the song like "I'm not some hello kitty!" Or "has cat got your tongue!", cat puns are par for the course yet I feel like this song is the only one that fully utilizes them. The beginning is pretty cute I will make a note on that with a kinda jingle for theoretical cartoon featuring CC, a cutesy version of him is also drawn on there which is adorable. The only last thing I will say is like all of these this pretty catchy with the part I keep replaying being "come over and watch me smile bigger, I'm walking on two paws towards my dinner, you're messing with fate and I'm all for it, curiosity don't kill this cat!". It's good overall with the visuals not having too much to comment on other than CC doing the funkiest little wave.

Outrun This Cat: looking back I actually think is pretty good than I first thought? Idk why I put it down so low this belongs in at least low A-tier I'm a fucking moron. Uhh starters the visuals have CC looking ugly as hell which works, ya know he ain't supposed to be pretty and the bloody gums sell this. As he's singing he's also very expressive, his entire body contorting or swaying using a mallet and pulling out a watch at one point. As much as I love ominous slow hunter CC the upbeat, energetic, and chaotic version holds a place in my heart. Towards the end of the song there's also a part with a toon version of CC and normal monstrous looking CC and I find this cool as the idea he can be either form but chooses the more horrific one funny. The lyrics are also solid, once again the standard of "you're gonna die" is set yet I think there is some cleverness like "better run for your life like a rat or it shreds you up instead", which btw the lyrics say "shredders" which I think is an intentional misspelling as it's a mix between shreds and cheddar because ya know, rat? Idk I find it funny shut up, but also the line "you're life on the line, it simply can't compare against my nine!". Nothing Shakespeare level ofv but still pretty good in my opinion, also the song has a bit of story with CC hating humans stating "there is no use for your urbanity, humanity drives mad my sanity" which I think is supposed to come with the implication that he was a cartoon abandoned which is why he hates people as this is supported by the lyric "abanonded in 2D—too bad i jumped to 3D!". Overall catchy and honestly really good than the ranking I gave it—heck there's a remix of this song made by "Mautzi" that features some FUCKING AWESOME THUMBNAIL ART, but also the way they remixed it would probably make it S-tier and beating Cartoon Catastrophe.

C Tier

He's The Cartoon Cat: I don't know, the song on paper isn't bad and I think the beat drop towards the end IS FUCKING INSANE AND CRAZY, but that singular great part doesn't make up for the rest of it being kinda a drag? I will say the optimism in the song only for the build up to the beat drop is phenomenal with the "run... Run... Run away!" Slowly distorting is a nice touch and makes it feel like the song was made by CC himself and hes intentionally trying to strike fear into the listener. Once again one good part doesn't make the entire good thing though yet in no way a bad song.

D tier

Kitty Kitty: I love rockit music yet they are a truly hit or miss nerdcore artist(s), this one sadly misses. Like it's not bad or at least not that bad, if I were listening to it on a playlist and it came on I wouldn't skip it, yet it wouldn't be something intentionally play, ya know? Like not a song I'd search for but if it comes up I'll vibe to it. I think the lyrics here are actually worse than Run Away in terms of nothingness though, it doesn't have that good of a beat to support these nothing lyrics making it suffer drastically. Once again, Rockit music has cooked some of my FAVORITE nerdcore songs but this one ain't it sadly.

That's about it, I ain't got no more tiers. All CC songs have their own merits with a few having somethings that just personally wasn't for me but I'm sure is someone else's cup of tea. That's the last song and there's no more, no more songs left. Anyways ramble over and Toon Buffoon out.

#cartoon cat #trevor henderson cartoon cat #CC nerdcore music #music #tier list #rambles from toon #im not gonna explain why i hate horror skunx or bad karma #maybe if im irrationally angry enough later I'll go off but i just can't

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