#that's how derivative these people ate

[papirouge]

average American Conservative Christian be like

[spacespore]

HI TUMBLRR it’s me

[sukibenders]

The way some people are reacting to the Oscar nominations, specifically in regards towards Barbie, and many other things surrounding it holds certain undertones, especially when they then start to go and deny America Ferrera's talent among other things, that are very concerning. Like let's not do that. Especially if you're writing an article for a newspaper (LA Times) that makes digs towards the other films and their nominees, mainly who were women, and say that that proves the point of Barbie. Even though the point of the film was that women have to work harder than men just to get their foot in the door, not about shaming other women, but I digress.

[emoisthenewemu]

⋆˚✿˖°𐙚 ERWIN SMITH X F READER SMUT 18+ MDNI

⋆˚✿˖°𐙚 cw: daddy kink, ex! levi x reader, SMUT, PORN W VERY LITTLE PLOT, p in v, female body parts, oral on both ends, squirting, size kink??, dumbification?, general nastiness almost 9K words of nothing but smut, rough sex, and i think thats mostly it!!!

⋆˚✿˖°𐙚 lol so if anyone is interested i might write a pt 2 w levi and a pt 3 threesome?? This also derived from a levi fic im working on i might just post that here too. Its so funny how my first work on tumblr is an ERWIN SMITH smut of all things but here we are. He makes me so feral

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You did not expect anyone to follow in your angry march away. In fact, you preferred that no one did, especially Levi. But he seems to be completely repulsed by you these days so you are sure he would do no such thing. Erwin did wait about a minute before taking off without a word, clearly just as unimpressed with Levi as you were. All the man wanted was to blow off some steam, but that was now ruined all thanks to the petty squabble between the former lovers. He was sick enough of hearing all about it from both sides and now it was following him outside of work. Smith did manage to sneak a pint for the trek underneath his coat, managing to finish it long before arriving back to headquarters. And his poor friend was in so much pain that it made him hurt too, he tried to avoid this, to warn her that Ackerman does not have the emotional intelligence for a relationship. He does not know how to be soft and sensual.

Like you deserve to be treated.

It would be inappropriate to admit that Erwin had thought about what it might take to satisfy a woman like you. In more ways than one. But he wants to ignore it and follows up the stairs silently, waiting until you reached the floor of your office/living quarters to call out your name. "Y/N"

"Not in the mood commander" You grumble, not wanting to hear an 'I told you so' from him of all people. You have always admired Commander Erwin, he was a man with principles and honor. A loyal and courageous leader, easily one of the best the Survey Corps had ever seen. Everything about him was impressive; a long list of accomplishments throughout his professional year, he was well educated and had a hefty amount of titan kills under his belt. Another thing which could be considered impressive would be the sheer size of the man. He towered over many with big burly shoulders and a deep, rich voice. His muscles would pop out of his undershirt (something the female scouts would never fail to notice) and his hands were large enough to make regular things appear miniature. You would be lying if you said you hadn't imagined what lay underneath that uniform. But it would be absolutely scandalous to sleep with the commander of all people.

However, you somehow did not find anything wrong with sleeping with the second highest ranking member of the Scouts. That was not your goal of course; to sleep with a powerful man. It just sort of happened, after years of the slow torture that was getting to know Levi and be close with him. Your relationship was similar of that to his with Hange-mostly comprised of shit talking and poking fun at each other. It was like that for years and sometimes things did get intense, growing more into argument territory rather than their usual lighthearted bickering. But you always made up, if not with a verbal apology then with little gestures. Levi always checked the straps of your gear before expeditions, made sure you stretched and ate beforehand. Whenever you found yourself in battle, he somehow always managed to be right behind just in case things went South. And it was not until you were able to lead a squad of your own that Levi had to admit he absolutely hated to be apart from you.

That was how you knew he loved you, it made keeping things so secretive okay. As long as you knew Levi cared for you, that was all that mattered. But as time passed you could not help but wonder if it was purely physical for him, judging by the way he began to completely ignore you in front of others. All it took was some light teasing for him to begin to stray away from your touch. And it hurt that something so small could be enough to stop all that was happening between the two of you. That seemed to be the beginning of the end, it was not long after that the man pulled you into his office and insist the two of you keep things professional from now on. That it was a mistake. He said it so coldly, as if he had not let you sleep in his arms two days prior.

But you played it cool and managed to make it all the way to the stairwell before hot tears began to stream down your face. You refused to let him see how much it hurt, wanted to make it seem as unimportant as he did.

That was only a month ago, so when Erwin initially invited you out to the pub you were weary of being in the presence of Humanity's Strongest Soldier. But Erwin insisted that one of his most hard-working soldiers should put the paperwork down for just one night and let loose. He also promised to not leave your side, aware of the weird tension between you and Levi.

Erwin was not dumb, and happened to be the only person who caught on to you and Levi. Noticing the stolen glances and sly smiles sent from across the room. It wasn't until you accidentally sent down a paper that was meant for Levi on the commander's desk. A paper with a not so subtle note at the bottom containing such foul things that he did not dare to even repeat them as he scolded the two of you for being so careless. You had never seen him so angry, nor had he ever spoke to you so harshly. It was so harsh you almost cried, hiding your face the whole time in utter embarrassment. The two of you promised to never again let your 'nighttime activities' affect your work. And he left it at that, choosing to never bring it up again. He intended on never involving himself between the two of you again.

But tonight as Erwin saw the pain which clouded your eyes, it made him want to make it all go away. How desperately he ached to make you forget all about Levi and scream his name all night long instead.

"I am not here to make you feel dumb" He reassures, closing your bedroom door behind him. You watch him intently from the other side of the room, a clenched jaw as he plays with the loosened collar of his shirt. The drinks were making him sweaty, a tiny droplet catching the light as it dripped down his chest.

The very last thing you should be worried about is how utterly sexy your commander looks at a time like this. You don't consider yourself the type of woman to move on so easily. But how can you not be enticed by a sweaty, hunky man standing in your bedroom, only there because he is worried about your well-being? Not what is beneath your clothes. In fact, he makes a show of averting his eyes as you begin to undo the bodice of your dress. He has always been so respectful and good to you, always made sure to ask your opinion on important matters because he valued your input. That was arguably the hottest thing he had ever done; respect you entirely. "Forgive me if it is not my place to say this, but I believe you can do much better than Ackerman"

You laugh, letting the strings of the corset hang as you silently pray he will give in to look at the way your breasts threaten to spill from your dress. "Is that so?" You raise a curious eyebrow. "Any better options?"

Erwin finally looks back over to you and he silently curses at your undone dress which is practically begging to just be ripped off. He swallows thickly, focusing on the middle of your eyebrows as to not look anywhere else. "None come to mind. Though I do hope you'll find one more willing to communicate his emotions"

"Hm" You kick off your boots, wondering if the tension is not just one sided. If he feels the heat too which eats at your whole body. So neglected, and feeling so unwanted. You put on your nicest undergarments today in the hopes that Levi would be taking you home. You just want someone to take care of you, soothe the uncomfortable ache between your legs. You have enough on your plate as is, dealing with the newest recruits to the Scouts. They were already starting fights and complaining about orders and it was supposed to be your job to whip them into shape. And you were exhausted, drained from feeling like a single mother with a group of disobedient kids who just had to question your every order. You needed some stress relief desperately. It is obvious with the way you rub your tired eyes, hunched over your bed as you stare at the floor. "And you? I still find it hard to believe a man like you has no lady waiting for you to come back home every night"

His posture eases up but his body remains pressed against the door, almost like he is afraid to step any closer. He imagines there is an imaginary line which starts at the wardrobe in front of him, and should he cross that line he does not trust there will be any going back. In fact, he should have left the very second his impure thoughts started. "A man like me?" He sounds almost proud, that charm of his is beginning to kick in. He loves talking to ladies, can wrap them easily around his finger. "Im awfully busy you know? Don't have enough time to dedicate myself to a woman the way they deserve"

"Poor Commander" Your sweet voice makes him weak in the knees, his resolve faltering with every second. "You're a good one, so strong and brave. You take such good care of all of us. I think you deserve to have someone take care of you"

You're such a good little soldier, the Commander has always thought so. You have always followed every single order with a sweet smile, obedient and looking to please. He wants to thank you for being so perfect, for worrying about him when the original intent of following you was to check on your feelings. And by now it is obvious that you are teasing him, not even bothering to hide the way you clench your thighs every time he speaks. And you, the little minx you are, can tell that you're getting to him. Finally cracking that iron-tough exterior. It's evident with the way he cannot look at your eyes more than a few seconds, gaze constantly darting down to your chest and exposed thighs. He is clearly battling inside of his mind and you are dead set on breaking him.

He clears his throat, beginning to tap his foot anxiously as he looks around almost comically. As if there were anyone else he could look over to in this room that would convince him to get the hell out of there. Commander be damned, that was not even a concern on his mind right now. His main worry would be how upset Levi would be if he ever found out his most trusted comrade slept with his woman. But at the same time, that makes it all the more enticing. He wished he could rub it in the smug bastard's face that he has his beloved practically begging to be fucked by him. How he wants to make you scream so loud Levi hears it.

"Y/N" It's almost painful to speak, the way he is actively holding himself back from moving. He refuses to take even a single step. "It would be very inappropriate to let something happen between us"

"Mmm....but that just makes me want it more" You whine and he brings his fist up to his mouth in an attempt to conceal the curses slipping out. You feel like you are almost there, so close to getting what you desperately want. You sigh dramatically, making a point of throwing yourself back onto your bed. "No one is forcing you to stay Erwin. I couldn't keep you from leaving if I tried"

You're right, he is a grown man and if he had any kind of self control he would be marching right out of there. But right now, his chest is warming up and his mouth is watering at the sight of your dress bunching up dangerously close to your most sacred area. Now on your side, you look him up and down. You cannot help but laugh at how tense he is, almost as if he was afraid of you. "Oh Erwin, stop looking at me as if I'm trying to corrupt you"

His pants are beginning to grow tight, his own body betraying him as he finds himself growing uncomfortably hard. He attempts to clasp his hands in front of himself in an attempt to conceal the forming tent. The man lets out a deep breath, looking up to the ceiling. His mind is made.

He wants to ruin all other men for you.

Erwin finally crosses that line, stepping forward and gesturing for you to sit up. You obey, watching intently as he kneels in front of you. "My only concern is that if I start I may not be able to control myself" He admits, hands tracing the skin of your ankles which hang over the bed. The position makes it so that he is placed in between your thighs, his body beneath you as he looks up with wide eyes. He is so handsome it's almost unfair, you bring a finger to trace his sharp jawline. "A woman like you should be cherished"

His rough hands bring up one of your legs, relaxing back on his heels as he goes to place a soft kiss to your calf. He catches a glimpse of your white, lace panties and it makes him groan. After all of this teasing, you now find it hard to speak-too entranced by how soft he is being. It is a complete contrast to the way Levi makes love to you-as if every time would be the last. Erwin is taking his time, kissing and licking up your legs so sensually that you find whines leaving your lips. But he stops at your inner thighs much to your dismay.

You pout, looking down at him expectantly. "Don't worry princess" He coos, seeing your frustrated expression. He knows you are impatient, he is too but it has been far too long since Erwin had the opportunity to pleasure a woman. He will be damned if he does not enjoy every second of it, if you don't finish multiple times then he will be rather disappointed. Perhaps it is one of his kinks, getting nice sweet girls all worked up-to corrupt them. You just feel so heavenly, he wants to make you turn absolutely filthy. "You'll get what you want. Good girls are patient"

You're so unbelievably horny you could cry. You want to beg him to just fuck you already but that would be way too desperate. You still would like to keep a semblance of respect for yourself, as if the act you found yourself in was not disrespectful enough. Commander Erwin is sliding your dress down your shoulders, making you sit up a bit so he could pull it down your thighs. It almost feels unreal, that the most respected man in the Regimen is on his knees for you, ready to take you entirely. Finally, he kissed your-gasping into it you could not help but pull him closer by the shirt. Your hands fumbled with the buttons, finally getting a chance to run your nails down those chiseled muscles you had only dreamed about up until now.

His tongue presses into your mouth, running his hands down your side as he tries to touch every bit of skin available to him. He is so good, kiss tender yet passionate. You can feel how badly he wants you, the way his head moves in sync with yours as low groans escape his lips. As desperate as you were a few minutes ago, you hate the thought of his lips leaving yours, grabbing hungrily at his biceps as she shrugs his shirt off. Erwin began to fumble with the buckle of his belt, ripping it off and throwing it to the side without a thought. When you finally pulled apart, you were about to complain until he stood up to take his pants off.

You decided to keep things going, slipping off your bra to leave you in only your panties. His eyes darkened at the sight, going back on his knees and immediately latching his lips onto your chest. Soft moans escape your lips as he finds one of your nipples, sucking softly at the skin as his hand gropes the other. You buck your hips into his, using one of your hands to play with his hair. "So good Erwin" You praise, reaching your other hand down to the place he needed to be touched the most.

You cant reach enough to wrap your hand around his length, but you can feel the tip rubbing against your fingers as you desperately try to grab more of him. He is thick, and you cannot wait to see how long he must be. When he finally pulls off of your chest to look up at you, you smile. Reaching down to kiss him, he allows you to jerk him more through his underwear-you notice it is too much for just one of your hands to hold. It makes you so anxious to feel him inside of you.

"You're so beautiful" Erwin compliments, his beautiful blue eyes taking in your entire figure. "I've always thought so"

"Wish I knew that sooner" You tease, aware that this cannot go any further than what happens tonight. Neither of you are in any place to be in a relationship. But it feels so incredibly good. "But I have to admit I have thought of this more than I should. You are one of the most handsome men I have ever seen"

It feels good to be complimented, it only makes him want to devour you even more. So he decided he has had enough of the teasing, he wants-no. He needs to taste the real thing. He wordlessly pulls down your panties, wrapping his arms around your knees to pull you closer. And he looks up at your pretty little face one more time, before diving in between your legs. One lick up your slit is all it takes to completely ruin the professional relationship the two of you had spent years building. He should be ashamed of himself, being in such a high power position and still succumbing to his own nasty urges.

It is so wrong, he moans into your pussy at the thought. It should not be making it so much better, the thought of how naughty he is to be licking up your pussy like a man starved. His tongue flicks between your folds, going up to circle your clit before going back down only to repeat his movements. Every time he reaches your clit, your hips bump up and it is not long before he pulls you so flush against his face that he cannot lick anywhere that's not your pussy. He shakes his head side to side, moaning again as he makes out with your folds. "Tastes so good" He groans before diving in, this time focusing on that little nub directly. You moan loudly, beginning to pant at the way he sucks right on your clit. He stops to flick it with his tongue, loud noises of slurping and sucking so obnoxious anyone in the nearby rooms could hear. "So sweet" He pulls apart again, unable to process how fucking good it tastes. If he had days he would dedicate the night to just eating your pussy, the fucking could wait for later. "Pussy's so good princess"

He moves his tongue lower, finding your entrance and prodding at it softly. He settles his face deeper between your thighs, grabbing the soft skin as his large nose bumps up against your clit, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. God, his nose, so prominent and strong. The absolutely filthy thoughts you had about riding the man's face and using it to rub your clit against just like he was now. It was all so much, so good as your moans grew louder. He was fucking your entrance with his tongue by now and you could not help but bounce against his face, desperate to have more. The pleasure was starting to build, Erwin could tell by the incoherent words which spill from your lips.

No longer were the soft whines and moans which got him so worked up in the first place. Now you were talking complete nonsense, but that did not matter to him. That was only more encouragement for the man to keep going, oh how he wanted to fuck you stupid.

"Fuck!" You panted, hands gripping at the sheets, his hair, his shoulders, anything you could hold on to as your lower body bounced against his face. Nose still rubbing against your clit as you wonder how he could even breathe with his face so suffocated between your thighs.

He couldn't but he did not care. He was willing to die between your legs as long as you finish on his face. He needs it, he is dying of thirst and only your juice can give him some relief. "Please" He mumbled, going back up to focus on your clit and shoving a finger into you. You moan loudly and he begins to rock the digit into you, making out with your clit so sloppily you can hear the saliva sloshing around. It is so dirty it makes your eyes roll back, mouth forming into an 'o' as he picks up the pace, adding another finger. "Please cum on my mouth princess"

"Ohh yess baby!" You gasp, unable to think as the pleasure continues to build, overwhelmingly so as your legs begin to shake due to how fast the man fingers you. "Im-im..."

You cannot finish your sentence due to your release, and Erwin is going absolutely feral. He slurps up every drop, moaning about how good it is, that he can't believe you were hiding this perfect pussy from him all these years. He supposed he is to blame for that but he is far too in the moment to worry about any of it. When he pulls apart his face and chest are soaked, hair sticking to his head as he let out heavy breaths.

You managed to lift your body up, reaching out for his touch. He grabbed your hand and kissed it sweetly, almost as if that obscene scene which laid before you minutes ago never even happened. "Mm come here baby" You murmured softly and he obliged, giving in to the kiss you pulled him into. It was slow and sensual, tongues slowly greeting each other again as you held his face in your hands, enjoying the taste of yourself on his tongue. "Did so good" You mumble into the kiss, gasping when he bites your bottom lip.

"Thank you sweet girl" He mutters, going to kiss and bite at the skin on your neck. He breathes in your scent, tasting the salty sheen which now covers your whole body. His kisses are hot and needy, his hands going to grip your ass.

"Get on the bed please" You asked nicely, desperately wanting more praise. It sounded so incredibly good coming from him, was the best kind of encouragement you could have ever hoped for. You thought so highly of him, and you needed to make him proud. If you were going to ruin your relationship then you would at least hope he would be imagining your lips wrapped around his cock, thinking back on it fondly. Like you said, he took such good care of of you and this was simply returning the favor. "I wanna taste you now"

So he finally unveiled himself to you entirely, cock springing out as he pulled his underwear off rather impatiently. It slaps the skin of his stomach, a glossy sheen covering the tip as the rest of it looks angry-red and swollen, begging to be touched. He is so unbelievably thick that it makes your mouth water, thinking about how you will have to open your mouth as wide as you can to take him entirely. You slowly wrap a hand around the base, squeezing slightly as you prepare to take easily the largest cock you have ever seen. "You're so big" You almost whisper, pressing a chaste kiss to his knee.

Erwin senses some hesitation, reaching out to caress the side of your face so sweetly. He knows he is going to lose any sense of composure the second he feels your tongue, and he just hopes you are prepared to take him the way wishes. "But you can take it darling" He coos, thumb going to rub your soft lips. They part slightly, taking in the tip of his digit to suck on it lightly. He shudders at the feeling, imagining your lips wrapped around another part of him. "Such a good girl, gonna choke on daddy's cock for me right?"

You moan at his words, nodding so excitedly it makes him laugh. You are too precious really, he can't wait to ruin you. He wants to make you cry on his cock, shake and finish until you can't take anymore. "Yes daddy" His words are all the encouragement you need to finally take him, just allowing the tip into your mouth at first. Your tongue flattens against the tip, licking and tasting all of the precum which surrounds the head. Taking a deep breath, you move further, an experimental bob of your head as you find you mouth completely stuffed. And you're just about to reach halfway, how in the hell is this going to work?

Erwin's hand places itself in your hair, gently helping guide you further down. His noises are heavenly, and all he can do is stare down at you. Watching you take it intently, body shuddering as you begin to speed up the pace at which you bob your head. He thrusts slightly, smiling at the small gags leaving your mouth. But it's not enough, he needs you to choke on it, gasp for air as spit drips down your chin. He wants tears falling down your eyes as a bulge forms in your throat. This was all it took for any kind of respect to be thrown out the window, you've got him started now, feeling insatiable as he desperately wants to use you as a fucktoy. "Look at you" The blonde man groans, chest heaving and glossy as his thighs clench with the way you refuse to use your hands around him. Only your mouth, up and down gagging every time you take him in your throat. "Look so fucking sexy with my cock in your mouth"

You moan around his length, clenching your thighs together as you yearn for his touch once more. You can hardly breathe, the scent of his musk invading your nostrils as his pubic hairs tickle your nose. You are so completely enveloped by all things Erwin Smith, everywhere you look, touch, taste. And it is driving you crazy, unable to think about anything but your big strong commander who deserves to be praised. You need him to feel worshipped as you finally swap your mouth with your hands, choosing to suck on his balls instead. The act emits a growl from the man, panting above you as he cannot form any thoughts with the way you guzzle up his balls. You're moaning, sounds of slurping and spit as he can see the mess forming on your face. Jerking him hungrily as your tongue dashes across the two sacs, so eager to please him. "So fucking dirty" He curses again, an occurrence so rare it makes you moan. And he slaps your chin softly, not hard enough that it hurts but firm. "Who knew you were such a slut?"

You moan, going back up to take his member back in your mouth. You only bob a few times before coming up with a 'pop!', pleading eyes looking up at the man in front of you. His lips curved into a sly smile as he admires just how sloppy you look. Lips so swollen from taking his dick and a few strands of hair stuck to your chin from all of the spit. "Fuck my mouth please" You have no shame, you're almost whining as you grab his hands to hold your head. You look up with wide eyes, his excitement evident as it seems there is a newfound twinkle in the man's eyes. "Please daddy" It angers him to think about how obedient you must have been for Levi, he needs to remind you on what exactly you were missing out on.

"Such good manners darling" He compliments before lowering your mouth back onto him. His whole body tenses, groaning at the way your throat convulses around him as he pushes your head further down. "So sweet asking daddy for permission. I didn't even have to train you first"

You can't speak back of course, in fact he wonders if you can even process what he is saying with the way he thrusts up into your mouth. And the noises are so obscene, gargling and gagging-the sound of Erwin's pants and moans filling the room. It is too good to be true, his thrusts pick up the pace as spit falls freely down, pooling on his thighs as he massages the inside of your throat. Poor thing, it will be certainly bruised after this and he reminds himself to have a hot cup of tea prepared for you the next morning. Praises leave his mouth as he uses you, balls slapping against your chin as his hands begin to pull on your hair. You focus on breathing out of your nose when you can, swallowing every time he shoves himself all the way to the back. It drives him crazy, he moans loudly every time you do it and that is enough to keep you going. Your eyes are crying, unable to stop the tears from flowing as you choke on his cock.

It has been a very long time since Erwin had the sheer bliss of a woman's mouth wrapped around him. And he cannot remember if it felt this good the last time, he wonders how he went so long without it. Maybe it's just you, so willing to take him and let him do whatever he wants. It makes his cock twitch, release nearing as he finds himself proud he even lasted this long. As much as he wants to prolong it, toes clenched and chest tightened as he refuses to spill out-he decides to give you a break. You deserve it, with how well you've taken him. "M'cumming darling, you better swallow all of it" He growls, slapping your cheek softly as you moan excitedly-ready to swallow his seed. "And say thank you"

Those are his last words before finally spilling into your mouth, jaw slack as he moans loudly into the night. His hips rock softly, chasing his high and it makes his body shudder. You clean all of it up, careful to not spill as much as a drop and you make a show of swallowing to prove you won't be letting it go to waste.

"Thank you" You hum, giggling softly because things will never be the same.  You wish you could brag to all of the other women who admire him just as much as you do.

He pulls you up by the hand and you get on the bed, humming softly when he embraces you, wrapping an arm around your waist before settling his forehead down on your shoulder. He kisses the skin softly and you melt into his touch, running your fingers up his back. It is so intimate, a complete opposite from the filthy things that took place moments prior. Your lips meet again, moving slowly and tenderly as you both grab at any skin available. You feel hungry for more, carnal desires completely overriding your body as you want to beg him to take you. Levi is not even a thought in your mind as you crave Erwin and Erwin only.

He can tell you need him with the way your tongue impatiently explored his mouth, hand going to grab his half-hard member. Stroking it softly you whine into his mouth, leaving his lips to place kisses trailing down his neck. You suck at his earlobe softly, emitting a groan from the large man. He stops your movements by grabbing your wrist. "Lay on your back darling"

You nod, moving back onto the bed and opening up your legs to give him a view of the thing he craved to feel the most. The sight alone is enough to make him fully erect, ready to fuck you the way you deserve. He kisses up your body, starting at your hipbone and following up your ribcage until he reached your neck. His big hands run up your legs, greedily as he takes in every inch of your body. He can't stop touching you, fingers grazing the soft skin of your stomach, going to trace over your nipples and collarbone. "Please Erwin" You beg, yes you love the way he is looking at you as if you were the only woman on Earth. You feel adored, so confident under his soft eyes that you are not even worried about covering up. You feel no shame, only desire for the man situated between your legs, shoulder muscles flexing as he wraps both arms around you. But you are going to go absolutely insane if he doesn't fuck you soon.

"You're too good to be true princess" He sounds sincere, nuzzling his head into your nape as he rubs his cock against your slippery folds. You whine, grinding down on him before trying to grab it and put the damn thing in yourself. He stops you like it's nothing, choosing to pin your wrist above your head. "I need to ruin you"

With those harsh words, he finally pushes the tip inside, groaning immediately at the sensation. He does not bother to wait for you to catch up, sheathing himself entirely as you claw at his back-you open your mouth to gasp but no noise comes out. It's as if his cock is strangling you, filling you up in a way you could have never imagined. "Take it" He whispers, bucking his hips softly and ignoring the way to try to paw his hips away from you. It's too much to handle, your pussy feels like it might split open from all the pressure. Tears well in your eyes as you try to relax, taking a deep shaky breath that makes the man shudder. You look so cute trying to relax when his dick is molding your walls to his size, and the way you cry out with every thrust makes him want to give you more. "Fucking take it" He mutters, groaning when you try to push his hips away again. "Stop running and relax"

You whine, bottom lip shaking as he pushes himself inside again, choosing not to move so you can become more accustomed to the feeling. And even when he is not moving, you still whine and dig into his back as if he were actually fucking you. "It's just so big. Y-you didn't even go slow" A tear falls from your eye and you don't even know how screwed you are.

He's not listening to your complaints, all he sees is a whiny whore that needs to be whipped into shape. But he will do it, by the end of the night you'll be more than prepared to take his cock at any time. He is about to scold you, but he notices your walls beginning to relax, your chest no longer raised as if you could not lay down comfortably. "You're the one who begged for it slut" He thrusts again and you both moan, your arms go to wrap around his neck. His face is pressed into your chest, bodies flushed entirely against one another as his slow but powerful thrusts invigorate your every sense. "And now-" He stops to give another hard thrust and you practically scream at the feeling. It causes him to cup his hand around your mouth, angling his body into a new position. He pulls your hips down, your body going down slightly so that you are more flat on the bed. "You're gonna take what daddy gives you, okay?"

You nod and that is when the fun truly begins. You really had no idea what you were in for, going and teasing your commander just for the fun of it. Because you were messy and horny and needed to be stuffed. You did not know it would result in the most in-depth and passionate fucking of your life. He needed it even more than you did, the stress of his job and the constant questioning of his morals was beginning to drive him mad. He did not feel like a person anymore. He was a martyr, represented every single soldier in the Survey Corps. The public could point and blame him whenever an expedition went bad, every loss of life was his fault. He was a devil.

The only thing devilish about the man was the way he fucked, no mercy, using every bit of his strength to get exactly what he wants. You cannot do anything but moan and cry as he pounds into you, unaware that all of his anguish was being poured into you. He feels the most alive he's felt in years, he never wants it to end. He wished he could fuck you until his heart stops. His movements grow faster, the mattress loudly squeaking and you wrap your legs around his back. You cry out his name as he watches your breasts bounce with every movement.

"S-so good daddy" You whimper into his ear, clinging to his body and trying to pull him even closer as if it were possible. "Fuck! Feels so good!" Your hips are trying to meet his thrusts sloppily. Too preoccupied to think, you dig your forehead into his shoulder, moaning whatever words you can make out. When you bite down on his shoulder he cannot stop the moans which leave his mouth. His noises are the hottest thing you have ever heard, so deep and guttural. You suck on his adam's apple, pussy clenching due to his desperate noises.

"Gonna cum inside this messy pussy" He manages to speak, and the sight of your juices splattered across his abs make him want to finish that very moment. He wants to watch the glistening skin as you gush around him but he knows he won't last with such a filthy sight. He just needs a little bit more before he lets it all go completely. Erwin slips a palm beneath your head and cups the crown of your head, groaning because you're now fucking him back, desperately clawing at his back muscles as you try to guide his pace into you. He moves up to catch your lips but cannot find it in himself to kiss you when he feels such ecstasy. You moan into each others mouths so desperately as he rocks into you. You continue to fuck down on his cock, thighs beginning to shake.

"Mm! Mm! G'na...fuuuck" You cry out as your orgasm finally arrives. It rocks your entire body and you go limp, unable to form a single thought as Erwin chases his own high.

Luckily, the way your walls squeezed him in the second you came was more than enough to encourage his release out of him. His toes curl as he finally lets himself finish, panting into your skin as his cock twitches inside of you. Both of your bodies are slick with sweat by now and he keeps himself inside of you, letting all of his weight down. His head rests on your chests, mewling in delight when you bring your fingers to scratch his scalp. "What do you say darling?" He reminds as he remembers a hand still remains tangled in your hair, pulling you closer to press a lazy kiss on his lips.

You kiss him back longer then expected and he leans into your touch, causing his cock to slip out. You both whine at the sudden loss of contact. It almost feels wrong to not have him plugging you up. "Thank youu" You remember and he laughs almost mockingly. His thumb grazes your lip and he pulls you closer to kiss you again. His tongue teasingly introduces itself into your mouth before pulling out completely. He remains close, hot breath ghosting against your skin. "Mm, thank you so much daddy"

He kisses you again, so hungry it makes you whine-suddenly aware of his seed which leaks out of your swollen pussy. "You're so adorable" You meet with another sloppy kiss and when you suck on his tongue excitedly his dick springs back to life.

"Again" He orders, a newfound burst of energy as he shoots back up. Resting back on his haunches, he pats the bed. "On your knees"

You're staring at him like he is insane. Of course you want him again, you feel so empty without him. But you would also like to be able to walk tomorrow. Your arms are barely strong enough to hold yourself up, shaking with the way you lean back on them. You are a very busy woman, have important drills to run with the newest recruits and the thought of flying around through the trees in your ODM gear makes you want you cry. You are so sore already, your poor pussy feels like she was abused. Not to mention you have to walk an almost comical amount of stairs just to get outside in the first place. "B-but I have drills to run tomorrow" You pout.

Erwin laughs at the scared look in your eyes, so mean as he rolls his eyes dismissively. "I'm certain you'll live" He mocks and it makes you pout even harder. "Don't be a brat, I thought you were a good girl"

"I am!" You insist and you look so cute it makes his dick twitch in anticipation. He needs you again, and he will have you again.

"Hmm, I'm not so sure" He teases, fingers running up your thigh to meet your pussy. "Thought you want to make your Commander happy?" He asks, using a finger to clean up some of the cum that was now dripping inside of you.

When he pushes it back inside, your leg twitches and the man smiles wickedly. "I do Commander!" You whine. "You deserve the best"

He raises an eyebrow expectantly and you get the hint, flipping your body over and arching your ass up into the air. He is very obviously pleased, placing a harsh slap to your ass. He does it again, watching the way your flesh ripples with each smack. You yelp the fourth time he does it, this one harder than the rest. "Good girl" You smile at the praise, glad you are back in his good graces. You'll take him as many times as he likes-so long as he never looks at you again with that disappointed look in his eyes.

He lines himself up your entrance, entering slow this time. Your velvet walls suck him in so greedily it's hard to move, but he manages with a few curses escaping his lips. He throws his head back with the next thrust, obsessed with the squelch of all of the juices leaking out your sloppy pussy. "Ohh my" He moans, eyebrows furrowing as he watches his cock disappear into your tiny hole. The way you tighten around his limb makes him think you are fighting the urge to run away from it. He notices your dainty hands clawing at the sheets, your face scrunched up as you moan loudly.

The sound of clapping begins to arise with every thrust, he grabs your sides to keep you in place, his hips piston into you at an unrelenting pace. You can't even think. "Oh! Oh! Oh!" You cry each time the tip brushes your cervix and Erwin is in a trance of his own. His eyes are glued to the creamy ring forming at the base of his cock, ears so focused on listening out for those nasty noises exiting your cunt.

He moans unabashedly as he drills into your poor cunt. He is too focused on the lewd noises exiting your pussy that he does not notice the way the headboard slams against the wall. The wood is old, creaky and likely rotting by now. It also has taken quite enough beatings already from your late night escapades with Levi, you aren't sure it can handle much more. But you don't dare to try and stop him, you're too fucked out to speak anyways. You gasp when he hits a certain spot that makes you see stars.

"Right there princess?" He groans, pulling himself almost completely out before snapping his hips right back into the same spot, earning the same reaction out of you. "Daddy takes good care of his girl right?"

Your eyes are almost crossing with the overstimulation. His deep commanding voice, the way his balls slap your clit with every thrust, his fingertips digging into your thighs so tightly they're sure to leave a mark and his filthy fucking words are going to be the death of you. You take a deep breath, eyes squeezed shut at the delicious mix of pain and pleasure. "Yes daddy! Yes! Doing so good!" You're a mess, drooling into the sheets as it seems the man has finally met his goal. You are ruined. Your words are growing borderline incoherent, repeating the same things over and over. "So good! S-so big! Mm-so strong!"

Erwin is practically lifting your bottom half completely off the bed, drilling into you as if his life depends on it. The 'pat pat pat' of skin slapping together makes him feel absolutely feral, his eyes stuck on the way your body moves with each calculated thrust. "Yes!" He chants like a prayer, growling when your pussy begins to squeeze him. And the way you whine, cry, and slobber beneath him makes it seem like you haven't been fucked good in a while. "What would Levi say if he saw his pretty little slut bent over for her Commander?" He slaps your ass and you squeal. His thumb goes to press against the rim of your asshole, teasing the flesh lightly as he pulls your pussy back onto him.

"Ahh!" You moan, fully intending to answer his question. "Oh he'd be so mad!" You giggle and another thrust makes you cry out again. "F-fuck cant imagine"

"Does he fuck you better than this darling?" The man spits on your pussy, leaving a stinging sensation with another rough slap to your ass. The skin is red and he hopes to god a handprint will be left over to commemorate this blissful night. Your eyes are rolling to the back of your skull, whining like a bitch in heat as he rubs against your g-spot. You cannot talk, pussy squeezing his cock that is currently abusing your hole. And when he stops, going to press his palm flat against the side of your head you want to cry. Slowly fucking yourself back into him, you shudder, overstimulation creeping up as he hits every spot perfectly. "I asked you a question slut"

Truth is, you are afraid to answer. Things with Levi are just different. And not in a bad way, you have cried around his cock multiple times and he has certainly pleased you in the past. With Erwin drilling into you, you want to scream that he is the best you've ever had and ever will. But you also fear the repercussions, should Levi ever find out you said that you will be punished for God knows how long. But Erwin absolutely needs you to fuel his ego, he needs to fuck you better than Levi ever can. So he angles your hips a bit more and thrusts hard, keeping his tip pressed against your cervix and rubbing the spot lightly. You scream at the sensation, eyes beginning to well up from the pleasure. His hand pushes your head deeper into the bed, picking your hips up even more as he used you like a doll. "Is this all your good for princess? Nothing but a tight fuck-hole"

You cry out garbled moans of his name as he fucks you so meanly. In this moment he has full control, and you will do whatever he says. "S-so much better than Levi daddy!" He almost stops to confirm if he heard that right but he decided he would much rather fuck the confession out of you again. So he does, arching your back even more and fucking you harshly into the mattress. The bedframe is back to being thrown against the wall again, loud creaks matching his every thrust. "Your dick is so good daddy! Best I ever had!"

That is exactly what he needed to hear to lose the little bit of composure left in his body. His groans and movements are starting to become borderline animalistic. The sight is so obscene, if anyone were to walk in they would come face to face with the shock of their life. He does not worry about the noise, the only other person with living quarters on this floor is Hange and she's no snitch. Especially if she knew the Commander was involved, he was more than positive she would look the other way. The only other person he can think of who would come up here is Levi and by God he hopes he does. The thought makes his balls tighten, Levi listening on the other side of the door as his sweet girl cries around Erwin's cock.

"This pussy is mine now" The blonde commands, fingers digging into the flesh of your ass. "I'm going to take you wherever I want whenever I want okay Soldier?"

"Y-yes commander!" You're fully sobbing by now, tears streaming down your face. You look sooo pretty, Erwin thinks. It is making all smart thoughts fly out the window, oh how he needs you to scream out his name.

"Say my name" The man orders, cock still stuck inside you and moving at an unrelenting speed. His stamina is almost as impressive as his cock. "Let them all know who fucks your cunt this good"

"Yes! Yes!" You nod beneath him, still pressed into the sheets as you try to ignore the loud 'CRACK!' coming from your headboard. A few more calculated thrusts are sure to make the thing fall apart. "Ohh Erwin! So good! Erwin!"

"That's it sweetheart" He moans freely into the air, hips snapping into yours. "Let them know how good your Commander fucks you"

You continue chanting his name and the second your eyes squeeze shut, walls clamping down on him the bed finally breaks. It crashes down as his cock continues to plunge into you, for some reason seeing the wood crack right down the middle makes Erwin go even harder. He desperately hopes Levi can hear the depraved noised which fill the room. Your head is growing dizzy, gasping for air as your thighs begin to shake. You try to warn him of your upcoming release but it comes much faster than anticipated, you sob as your juices spray his abs. His big heavy balls are coated with your liquid and he admires the way it almost glows with the light. And this time around he doesn't even have to remind you to scream out "Thank you! Thank you!"

"That was a big one princess" He moans, chasing his own release as his thrusts grow sloppy. His hands grip your hair even harder and you hiccup as he leans his body into yours, fucking your pussy almost lazily. The sight of you squirting will never leave his head after this, he fully intends to see you do it again. "Oh so good" He moans, finally shivering as his cock twitches. Slapping himself against your pussy he finally cums, spraying your womb with his seed. Unfortunately, thanks to Levi he is aware that you are on birth control. It's almost painful to think he has no chance of getting you pregnant, but he still imagines your stomach swollen with his child.

He pulls out, finally relaxing as he lays down beside you. Both of your chests going up and down as you try to catch your breaths. You are an absolute mess, sprawled out across the sheets-still on your stomach. Your head is facing the opposite way, in its own pile of tears and slobber from being fucked so dumbly. His cum drips out of you, a heavenly sight that he cannot tear his eyes away from. But he wants to feel you close, the man brings out a hand to trace up your spine. It makes you shiver with delight. "Let me hold you darling"

You wordlessly turn over to face him, welcoming yourself into his strong, warm arms. Your head rests on his chest, bare bodies pressed together as he softly plays with your hair. Your hands rests on his chest, feeling his heartbeat drum against your palm. Erwin kissed the top of your head softly, he feels so welcome in the comfort of your bedroom. He intends to sleep with you in his arms, and just maybe he will stay tomorrow night too if you let him.

"Erwin?" You ask hesitantly, the post-orgasm clarity kicking in as you take in the weight of your actions. You fucked your Commander, what now?

"Yes my darling?"

"What am I going to tell them about my bed?"

___

Levi is quick to make it to your room next morning. He is up bright and early, intending to catch you before you make your way down to the mess hall for breakfast. He also hopes that maybe he'll get some make-up sex out of this. He even showered the second he woke up. He knows he is an idiot and getting shitfaced last night was enough to make him realize he loves you. It is the only reason he acted so out of his character, no respect or second-thought for your feelings. He regrets it all and is fully prepared to do what it takes you make you officially belong to him.

He is at the end of the hall, only a few steps away from the staircase when he heard your door open. He hears you giggle, it makes his heart drop. He cannot remember the last time he heard your sweet laugh. And he is utterly puzzled when he sees you push Erwin out your bedroom door into the hall. You say something he can't make out and Erwin obnoxiously laughs at your words before the door closes in his face. Levi is utterly shocked as the wheels in his head turn, noticing that Erwin is still in the same clothes he wore to the Pub last night. He was not in Uniform, instead he had a few of his shirt buttons undone, the fabric very obviously wrinkled and not neatly pressed like his clothing always was. He also appears to not even be showered yet, he looks like he has just woken up. Worst of all is the God-forsaken, smug smile on his lips when Erwin finally catches sight of Levi who remains in his place at the end of the hall.

"Good morning Levi" The blonde greets.

"Erwin" Is all the raven-haired man says, that same unimpressed look on his face as always. "Were you just leaving Y/N's room? Did you sleep there?" He has no shame in asking, he needs to know.

"Oh we were just having a conversation! Don't be ridiculous" He walks closer to Levi, who remains with his arms crossed. "It seems she is need of a new bed-frame"

Levi's eye twitches, he knows that shitty thing is on it's last legs. He's partly to blame for that. "And why's that?"

Erwin sighs, slapping a hand on Levi's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it" Levi immediately throws his hand off and the man continues inching towards the staircase. "Just get back to work Captain!" Levi rolls his eyes, watching the Commander begin his descent down. "That's an order!"

[lxmelle]

Gojo, flowers and Hanami. Hana - 花 - flower. A brief blurb about what can be derived from that scene in Shibuya.

It is already well-known that Gojo felt there was a line between him and others; as a “creature”. He likened people (I don’t think it’s specifically just his students) to flowers, thinking that they would find it difficult to understand him.

To an extent, it is true. The gap in strength (and lived experience too) was just so vast, it’d be comparing a human to a flower.

You cannot expect someone to truly understand that something is if they don’t know it or haven’t experienced it. Empathy is difficult as it is amongst equal beings. How would someone know what it would be like to be restrained all the time because of how much power they wield? Or the taste of the intimate ugliness of humanity? Or what grief is if they do not know what love or loss is? Or the feeling of immense responsibility upon their shoulders?

Back to the topic on hand:

Hanami is one of the few beings we got to witness Gojo actually killing. He didn’t kill without a strong meaning, as per Geto’s parting words at Shinjuku. Hanami was not a human, no, but unlike Jogo, he was killed outright.

Gojo was excited. Something clicked in him. We saw that scene and - phew, I got goosebumps. Yeah, on one level it is amazing animation. The otaku/fangirl in me was like 😱🤩 Gojo is so strong! We finally get to see him being a little animalistic, another side to him - it’s intriguing, interesting, almost sexy.

And, we saw how manic and monstrous Gojo was when killing him - mercilessly. Even when knowing Jogo was trying to distract him to save Hanami (in the character book, the seiyuu/voice actor mentioned that Jogo had feelings for Hanami). So we understand Gojo had it in him - just like what he demonstrated 10 years ago in front of Toji the second time - earning him the comment, “you’re a monster!”

Let’s look at Hanami as a character. Hanami was loved by her allies. It is supposed to be an earth spirit - wanting to rid humans to save nature.

Sounds a bit like themes from studio ghibli. But I digress.

Hanami as a character has a name that is made out of the kanji: 花御 - literally the honourable/noble/elegant flower.

Hana. Flower.

This brings me to my point… there is something subtly deliberate in why this scene was depicted as it was by Gege. Why, out of the many others, he made Gojo kill Hanami, with that name, in that monstrous way, with his infinity.

The thing that separates him from others.

If Gojo had not learned how to connect to others beneath him and nuture flowers...

…he could have the capacity to crush them all. Gege showed us a possible scenario: if infinity between Gojo and others (Hana/flowers) was so vast, it’d be disastrous.

Like a monster. A monstrous being describe as a calamity like Sukuna ate humans.

Gojo would have trampled on them like ants.

The jjk world was truly lucky he didn’t turn out like that, right?

[doctorcurdlejr]

Riverdale characters and their opinions on granking it

Archie -> supports Veronica and Jughead, doesn't listen to MCR all that much, and therefore takes the neutral stance that whatever his friends say is probably true and those men are divorced (was half listening to anything ever said to him)

Betty -> yeah go ahead and clock the peter pan collar with CoverGirl lipstick dramatically smeared off her face that's a MCR fan. Well known bisexual but deeply homophobic, therefore anybody who even mentions grank is a freak. YES she makes that disgusted look if somebody even mentions rpf, tries to tone it down for Veronica. Once got curious and read a 100k grank fem au, printed it out, ate a page, and then set it on fire at 2am.

Veronica -> Catholic 💥 Bisexual 💥 Dresses frequently in dark colors 💥 Casually morbid 💥 Loves theater 💥 not only does she grank it but my girl puts on her reading glasses to scroll through old live journal posts like she's a hardboiled detective ready to lock into the facts of the matter. "Jughead I could use another pair of eyes on this" it's 240p footage of those men fighting on stage. She keeps sending lesbo grank fics to Betty followed by "lol sorry meant for Jug." To which Betty responds "V. 😑"

Jughead -> [11am] violently typing a reply on a google doc for his creative writing class "I take offense at your claim that this is derivative of Velvet Goldmine just because I'm playing with similar themes. As to your second point, Cheryl, this band is an entirely fictional amalgamation meant to represent how our culture interfaced with the purely symbolic icons of the era." [2pm] "You're totally right, Bets. Really wish people could just appreciate the artistry and think more meaningfully about the MESSAGE." [10pm] sitting at his typewriter in Veronica's speakeasy where an entire diagram is laid out before him "This goes beyond stage gay. I'm sure of it."

Cheryl -> TO MX. G: Visiting fabulous Cali for the next fortnight. May I place Julian in your care for an evening? Have been absolutely overwhelmed with requests to visit darling Rosy. Whatever day works best, I understand scheduling so last minute may be difficult with your various dalliances. Ta!

Toni -> Once a regular contributor to Friends of Frerard night at the speakeasy, but suspiciously stopped all attendance after a vacation with Cheryl.

Kevin -> couldn't even tell you a band member's name but, in an attempt to be included in a conversation about homosexuality, once showed up at the speakeasy and laughingly asked Veronica if it was anything like Simon & Garfunkel. Before she could respond Jughead threw a copy of What is it All But Luminous at his head and told him to get out if he couldn't even be bothered to hold himself to their same level of base academic rigour.

[ssogoodinblue]

"I was at the Grammies sitting behind Chuck D and across from Elvis Costello when I began writing Infinity on High. As I sat there in my Sunday best (I splurged on an Italian maroon ascot) watching Stevie Wonder and Alicia Keys duet a capella, I decided in a room full of innovators that on our two previous albums, I had contributed nothing to pop music.

My saying so is in no way meant as a slight to our indie debut Take This To Your Grave, a strong if derivative pop-punk album from a young band yet uninterested in finding itself. I have slightly less positive things to say of its successor, the exponentially more successful but creatively inconsistent From Under the Cork Tree, for which we were nominated that night.

It dawned on me that, were we to win, we wouldn’t have deserved it. We rightfully lost. I rode back to my hotel, ripped the ascot out of my collar, walked across the street, ate dinner alone, and wondered to myself what would have to change in order for me to feel more comfortable with accolades.

Fear. I was afraid of being who I was musically. Pete was always honest and brave lyrically. Joe and Andy were in their playing as well. But I was timid and hid behind convention as well as re-imaginings of other people’s innovations.

I went back to my hotel and began simply writing without fear of how our audience or critics would react. When we ultimately recorded, I sang how I did at home for myself, not in the way I had learned to sing “punk rock.”

While I won’t say Infinity on High was our best Album, I will say it was a watershed for me creatively. Zero Grammy nominations though."

-Patrick Stump on writing Infinity on High (printed in the lyric book to believers never die)

[harvestmoss]

💕 Spellworks: Various sex magic spells

It's a lovely Friday! and I planned some sex magic, so here's what I did, including a few spells.

As always, this is an 18+ post, and generally I do not want minors interacting with posts like these.

TIME

Friday is the day of Venus (you may also remember it being the day of Aphrodite or Freya). This means that love and sex spells are especially powerful. I also casted on a waxing moon, as I wanted to build up passion and vigor. Though, sex magic also benefits from full moons and new moons.

TOOLS

I was performing a bunch of small little spells and ingredients to empower my bedroom with lust.

Cayenne pepper, cinnamon, mint, lavender, thyme, water, ginger, sugar, bay leaves, rose petals, flour, vanilla powder, yarrow, love oil.

morter and pestle, lighter, myrrh incense, fire proof dishes, small dishes, priapic wand, swan feather, small mirror, red candle, rose quartz, pen, sigil, cloth, adult toys.

SPELLS

Using my priapic wand, I cleansed and waved the wand around each corner, door, and bed to cleanse. Afterwards I lit some myrrh incense and wafted it around with the swan feather, letting the myrrh burn and fill up the room, I lit a new one when one was almost done. I continued wafting the swan feather around em as well to cleanse myself. - To make sure the space was cleansed and ready for sex magic, priapic wand is especially powerful for this.

I cleaned my tools with the myrrh incense. - Myrrh is considered one of the most erotic fragrances, it makes a woman burn with passion.

I poured thyme in a dish and poured boiling water over it, letting it steep and strained it. After cooling, I used the thyme water and washed myself. Thyme is a magnetic botanical of lust and love. - Thyme is derived from Helen of Troy's tears. Bathing yourself in her tears makes you a magnet to love, careful with how much as Helen was kidnapped twice.

I chewed and ate some mint. - people chew mint gum before a first date to freshen their breath, but it also helps with memory and sweet talking.

I anointed my doors with love oil. - To strengthen my bedroom.

I grinded* some thyme, rose petals, flour, cinnamon**, vanilla powder, and yarrow to make a love powder, this was sprinkled at the head of the bed, the corners, and underneath it. I sprinkled some by the doors as well, and a tiny bit on the sheets. - to invoke love and sex into my bed and bedroom.

I grinded lavender and thyme and sprinkled it in a fire proof dish, along with the love powder. I dressed a red candle with love oil and set it ablaze. Placing a rose quartz in the dish. I wrote my fiancés name on a bay leaf and set it on fire, letting the candle burn fully down. - This was to inspire passion and lust in my woman at home.

I mixed 2 parts cayenne pepper, 1 part sugar, and 1/2 part ginger, and 1/2 part cinnamon, and 1 part love oil. I anointed this mixture under the bed. To inspire good sex. Cayenne for more nasty and rough, sugar for more intimate and sweet. - To gain a good and specific kind of sex life, specifically on the bed.

Underneath my mattress, by the foot end, I have a red bag tied with red ribbon filled with rose petals and lavender, this make sure I have a good sex life, I cleansed it with smoke and charged it again.

I cleansed the small mirror and anointed with love powered and oil, Avoiding looking into it, I'm planning to capture a specific essence into this mirror, as in sex and lust, and my woman, using the mirror as a talisman to draw her to me. I have yet to complete this as it needs some days and charging it and exposing it to images for 8 days.

(*For sex magic, I do everything counter clockwise and near my genitals. This is to invoke deviancy, passion, and vigor. While clockwise would be the "vanilla sex" or reduce sexual drive.)

(**Cinnamon can be irritative on the skin, so I used cinnamon here sparingly.)

EXTRA

I never force my woman. She knows I do this spells on her, and even so, she doesn't mind if I did them in secret either. Funnily enough, she entered the bedroom as the candle was nearing the end and demanded we had fun. So we did, and I got to charge my sigil of lust with sexual fluids. Of course I forgot to make sure the mirror faced the bed to capture the moment. But overall, because of this interaction, which I did not ask her help for, I can say for certain that my sex spells worked wonderfully.

I also wanted to note that I always have rose petals by my window sill, and I made the sigil and constantly charge it every so often to make sure we have a good sex life. I also fed my woman some fruits earlier which included strawberries, figs, chocolate, and grapes, in a pink mug.

I have been performing glamour magic as well, which made me feel more fantastic as I performed these spells. It also helped being in the mindset and passionately invoked when doing these spells.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed reading my blog post and gained some sex magic inspiration. I've been wanting to post some spells but didn't know how, so I thought a little blog-like post would be fun.

Excuse grammar errors and spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.

[wordy-little-witch]

Hiii i love ur crossguild posts so much and i wanna know ur headcanons/thoughts on vampire buggy and crossguild😳🙏 thank u sm ur onepiece posts r like a dose of dopamine and sometimes angst lmao

Hiiii~ 👋I'm happy you like this stuff - it's just as sweet and painful on me so if I go down, I'm taking you bozos with me /j

As for Cross Guild and Vampire Buggy - Oh Boy Have I Got Ideas

Aside from the obvious hilarity that, between the goth, the mafioso, and the bright ass clown, it's the CLOWN who is the vampire.... well. I really love little tidbits about vampire lore and world building so I'm gonna make this a silly lil mix of Vampire Concepts and expanding on Devil Fruit ideas.

It boils down to Devil Fruits being edible deals with the Sea Devil, thus changing their biology undeniably. For zoans, this equates them to smth similar to were-creatures of some kind, bleeding between the lines of their species. For logias, they are more similar to elemental spirits, witches, or some other element based being. ((I love alchemical spirits so I'm leaning to variants or derivatives there bc AAAA)). Paramecias, being the "weaker" of the Fruits, have more... "human-passing" options. It boils down sort of a mind, spirit, body type of thing with zoan, logia, paramecia respectively.

Anyway yeah Buggy's manifests as a form of vampirism. He didn't realize what exactly that was, nor how Devil Fruits work when he first ate it ((He was about 9/10 at most I'd say)). It was only after a meet up and play fight with Whitebeard that the other captain casually asked what Buggy's new side effects are. When nobody understands, he calls over Marco and his other Fruit Eater children because it's time for Devil Fruit crash course and this kid needs an educated adult.

Turns out Buggy's mild anemia was due to his Fruit and his oversensative observation Haki has always impacted all of his senses, so the uptick in smell barely even registered to him. When Whitebeard hears this, he is mildly frothing. He is ultimately assured when Roger chips in there with some of his own observations and even surprised a few people when he wordlessly passes Buggy some of his food as they talk. Bugs scarfs it down like a man starved, swaying happily while Shanks tries to steal more to pile onto the blue hair boy's semi-forgotten plate.

So yeah. Series of weird events for the realization. Very silly.

Come Cross Guild, I think Buggy probably had an entire system there. He's competent all things considered, for a man in a sea of monsters as it were. He just so happens to have a mild sun sensitivity, have sharper canines, have heightened senses and drinks blood. Not the weirdest thing.

Crocodile is vaguely aware of the side effects for paramecia types - Bon Clay often needed reminders of his own sense of self, and he's had others in Baroque Works he worked with. Even Robin had some odd little quirks here and there, well hidden though she kept them. He doesn't recognize Buggy's at first because he hides them and also... doesn't.

It's one of those things where it's known but not really a topic of discussion. Buggy never goes out of his way to hide it. It just Is. The drinks he has all the time? Blood.

Mihawk learns that the hard way lmao.

Actually I'll just make a list of Sillies

• Mihawk once saw Buggy drinking what he thought was red wine, and when the clown set the bottle and glass down to go do something, he snatched it up, gave it a swirl, a sniff, a sip - and immediately paused. Odd, he thinks, placing the bottle back. Odd, but not the oddest thing he has seen.

• Crocodile once dragged Buggy out of bed early one morning for work and made a snide remark about a day not fucking up his fancy skin care routine when Buggy hollered about his sunscreen. ((He did feel guilty later that evening when Buggy was covered in hives and blistered burns. He helped with the aloe and antihistamines that night))

• Mihawk is Fascinated by Buggy's fangs and need to drink blood. He loves trashy paranormal romance, and every time Buggy hisses, or mentions being hungry, or so much as yawns enough to show his fangs, he is Looking Disrespectfully. Straight up Autistic Gaze Meme Eyes.

• Crocodile is also Very Interested but wouldn't be caught DEAD alluding to it. He will side eye from afar.

• some days are harder than most, and when Buggy's clothes get torn or he's low on sun block, Mihawk and Crocodile both will do the shivalrous give-partner-his-jacket/coat thing.

• Buggy makes do mostly with carefully maintained stores of blood in sealed wine bottles and rarely actually bites anyone. Animals aren't common either but he does hunt sometimes. Eventually with Cross Guild rolling in the profits, Crocodile and Mihawk work together to uptick the medical areas and Buggy has access to a far fresher supply.

• post Med Expansion, Buggy can fairly frequently be found skipping along in his typical wear with a blood bag in hand, a corner snipped and a cartoonish swirly straw slipped in. He is THRIVING.

• when outsides hear about vampire allegations, they Immediately think Mihawk, then perhaps Crocodile as a possible second. The hilarity that unfold with the reaction to the truth is never short of insane.

• Buggy actually has only ever bitten a few people in his life. Once, Roger. A few times, Shanks. Once, a nameless, faceless marine in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time. Once an enemy bigger and stronger who threatened his fledgling little crew. It's odd, the feelings behind it, the sensory input. But eventually, he grows comfortable enough with Mihawk and Crocodile to try, to sink his fangs into flesh and drink from them. It's.... steamy to say the least.

Vampire Buggy my beloved ♡♡♡♡

[florsial]

I was directed to you by @/starzzmissthesun

So now I must know every thought you have on Xeno. Specifically how well would he connect to other people/relationships, your favorite headcanon/least favorite headcanon, favorite food, and biggest fear. And any other information.

I also ask for your favorite ship/character or the easiest ship/character to write.

Also hi!! I hope your day has been going well.

hi hello welcome to my blog its a mess here rn but we will find a way to fix it (soon hopefully!)

And I hope your day is also going very well <3333

Here's a couple posts i have that center around Xeno: <3 :D and here are the ones about his relationships! Xenodora 1 2 and one a small insight on his relationship with Lucius! ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹

The thing about Xeno is that isolation is a crucial part of his character! I've said before that he's basically in a maze and never wants to leave and when he does it's because of Pandora (when she dies, he takes Luna and hides further). He's alone with creatures and beliefs of his own making, the ghost of his wife dancing, the shadow of a "brother" in the corner, and his daughter's pale white hair as a mirror of the moon.

He doesn't connect with others outside of his family very well and even then he's kinda disregarded by everyone in his family except his mother, he was very isolated in Hogwarts, and even he and Pandora didn't get along very well initially. His views and eccentric thinking tend to throw people off balance and drive them away, he creeps them out, and sometimes he doesn't understand the line between being blunt or just straight-up rude (he's a bit tone-deaf). He's so in his head that he comes off as passive (derogatory) and spoiled/selfish by others.

That's also why I can't see him with anyone except Pandora (and maybe Evan), she'll always be the only person who can understand the way his mind works and I just can't see anyone else doing that (I'm sorry 😭)

My favorite HC of them is that they are genderqueer and very pretty! I mentioned before that Xeno loves white, they look like an angel and easily the brightest person you can pick out at a party! But that is before they run off with Pandora! When he was with his family, his white clothes were constantly replaced/cleaned when dirtied but now that he isn't with the Malfoys anymore, he likes to leave his clothes "marks of his thinking" (dirt/mud/blood from running around the woods) but it's also kinda meant to represent how lost they are now that Pandora is gone (the common trait of depression is lack of energy/motivation to do basic tasks)

I don't really have a least favorite since I'm open to a lot of things but one I just can't see is the age gap where Xeno is this way older guy than Pandora. Idk he's very childlike to me lol

He's very into sugary things! Gives him energy! He's like Regulus in that sense that they are inhaling cakes and candies whenever they get the chance! I like to think Lucius would shut him up with some grandma-esque candy from their fireplace when they were kids and Narcissa would catch him sometimes just sitting in the kitchens listening to him rant about something around him as he ate a cake in the middle of the night.

HE SHOULDVE BEEN A BIOLOGY TEACHER (he reminds of my bio teacher from last year actually lol) he bushes the boundaries of life BEYOND WHAT IS POSSIBLE HE'S LIKE LIFE JUST LIKE PANDORA!! THEY ARE BOTH CREATORS OF THEIR OWN WORLD THEIR OWN FAMILY!!

I think his biggest fear is Luna, since Pandora is already dead at a certain point, this possessiveness derives from fear. That's his daughter, the only thing left of his love, the only family they have now, his flesh and blood so carefully crafted together to form the most beautiful little girl with pretty eyes like her mother and moonlight hair. He isolates Luna with him in a maze of overgrown vines because it's the only way he's ever felt happy and maybe his daughter will be happy away from everyone too.

Maybe at one point, he feared the loss of his older brother but as he grows, he'll come to accept that he never had a brother in the first place.

And yes, I like the thought of him being Lucius' younger brother.

on a lighter aspect, Lucius and Xeno are def the brothers who go out to buy groceries in the middle of the night in their PJs

On the second part! I think the easiest character that comes to me is Regulus! I carefully had to work with his character for a couple months and even now I'm making slight tweaks but I'm pretty satisfied with him rn! (On the other hand, James is a weird one for me, the way I view him is very different from how others view him so I'm working on carefully drawing a line I can balance lol) (plus Barty, he's an odd one to write) but writing Bartylus is very easy for me! Their relationship is like the most normal thing about them so it's like writing a teenage romance lol (jegulus is pretty tricky for me to get down since they are complex for me) (But make no mistake I LOVE JEGULUS AND WRITING THEM it's so satisfying when I get the dynamic just right!)

[banavalope]

Hello, I'm a Homestuck and Good Omens fan and just saw your post about coffee. I came to the Homestuck fandom way late, though, and don't know what the coffee theory was. I was wondering if you'd be willing to share that story from the trenches if it's not too traumatic :)

I'll preface by saying, this all happened near about the time I began to step away from Homestuck, as this was late 2011 to early 2012. My recollection could very well be missing some juicier deets, because I always managed to avoid the worst of it. In all I had a pretty benign time floating about the Homestuck fandom, I'll say that. My knowledge is as a fly's.

If you want the short version: once upon a time, the Homestuck fandom was so stupid it had discourse over the way coffee was drawn in a single panel, because the stylistic choice used to show the way cheap potted coffee has that oil slick sheen on the top Really got the gamerz thinking Gamzee was putting troll blood in the coffee.

The long version is this: this Act was annoying. All the Acts had been annoying, there'd been rather more than six of them so far. The fandom's toxicity was at its most potent, and the main fandom exodus hadn't happened yet. But the stylistic choice brewing on page 4702 of A6I2 suggested a discourse was on the horizon, and it was the size of planet fucking Jupiter.

To understand the affairs of 2011/12 Homestucks, a few things are important to mention: first, nobody enjoyed Act 6. Ask anyone from the tumblr era First Wave, we all agreed that Cascade would have been a better place to start wrapping up the comic as a whole. When Act 6 opened introducing the alpha kids, a whole new plot derivative, and we all realized we'd have to go through the same slog again, that the story wasn't over, the collective exhaustion was palpable. SWATHS left unhappy; worse yet (for some), the alpha kids brought us away from the game of SBURB and the over-aching plot, to instead place our focus on their interpersonal relationships. It was a bad time to take your audience away from a well crafted climax.

Reading it now as a completed work makes this not so bad, because the book is wrote. You can consume it as a finished piece and clearly interpret a through line for yourself, start to finish. Skip it even, if you want. When you've no idea at what time the next update will come, while all the pieces remain necessary to tell the story, any pacing is bad pacing.

Second, while Homestucks are known for many things - all of them cringe - the one that goes overlooked most, in spite of the ripple effect we still feel from it today in every corner, is the sheer amount of over analyzing done to the story itself. Every panel, every inch of every pixel, was a part of a puzzle we all collectively made up. Theorizing was an integral part to the Update Culture era of Homestuck's fandom, that we Figure Out the Story, you had to be the one who predicted what came next. Impressive how none of us came up with some kind of fandom Nobel Peace Prize, for how much we lauded it as a lifetime achievement.

I'll give you, Homestuck does have a very rich narrative. Much of it, I'll favor, is even intentional. It made worldbuilding choices captivating enough to get people painting themselves grey, for fun, so surely it had a few right ideas in some places. And there's nothing wrong about analyzing your media, picking apart its references to tie together a background story, even if it's just one you make up based on how you experienced reading it. That's kind of the whole point of consuming art. It's to be discussed, share your personal conclusions on. Theory is the breath of creativity.

It's the whole part about wanting to be right, where Homestucks as a collective force wanted to start eating each other alive on the spot. We were fucking OBNOXIOUS with theory posting. I'll be honest with you, I really ate that kind of thing up, and even I was getting annoyed. People were beginning to stretch, likely to cope with becoming bored.

Finally, the sober Gamzee controversy. This came about a while before coffeegate, but the effect the inciting update had on Homestucks is comparable to a haunting. It was fucking chernobyl, and a bad day to be a nuclear scientist because now it was your problem. Vriska fans - equally insufferable, as we all were by some respect[1] - and Gamzee fans fought with each other VEHEMENTLY, just to see whos gang was better. Keep that in the background of your mind as the theme music to what's playing. Everyone was anxiously wondering what had happened to Gamzee, because for the last several some-odd panels, we'd lost the boy. He was full of murderous intent, we were down to precious few characters on the meteor left, and we'd lost the boy.

So here we are. It's 2011. We're standing now at the end of the world, we've lost the boy for several panels, and finally the plot is trying to move along. We're all tired, and irritated, and divorced, doing this song and dance one more time but god willing the LAST TIME, when a joke about the look of shitty potted coffee gets made.

And some harbinger of the fucking apocalypse takes to tumblr dot com, drafting up a post about how Gamzee - living in the meteor walls - is putting troll blood into the coffee. Because, otherwise, how is Kanaya as a rainbow drinker doing so fine? Dave called the taste metallic, like blood. Something something long forgotten theories about trolls blood here something something. People would chime in to say "that's just how coffee looks", somehow it dissolved into actual discourse of people violently discussing back and forth how it could ONLY BE BLOOD, because coffee drawn in a prior panel UPDATES AGO didn't have the film on top, only now AFTER SOBER GAMZEE. Etcetera. It was just the worst case of reading too hard into something that you done ever did see.

Shortly following this, many people who were already growing exhausted with Homestuck's narrative direction at this point decided to take this coffee theory as their sign the flood was coming and to board the ark or learn how to swim. Anyone who learned to swim subsequently left during the exodus of 2015.

Again, my memory is pretty hazy. Thanks to Requiem Cafe, surprisingly difficult to google these days. Certainly another old still following me will have something more to add that I'm forgetting, as your handy dandy unreliable narrator.

[1] Said the Eridan fan.

[kaelio]

vampire chronicles; vampire powers conversation:

@kaelio & @thecactifindahome

Kaelio: Well, we know that like Baudwin's death helps level up the scrub vampires

Kaelio: His flesh/blood do that!

Kaelio: Well, what if Lestat fed everyone his arms and legs? And then took new arms and legs from a clone of himself that had been made a vampire. [I think Viktor in one line is implied to be a clone and not actually part-Flannery, with her perhaps solely as surrogate despite the sex--need to check this]

Kaelio: Is this basically the infinite chocolate hack?

Kaelio: The only way it isn't, is if losing part of your original tissues makes you weaker; you that has new parts isn't as strong as you that had the old parts

Kaelio: So did cutting off Rhosh's arm make Rhosh weaker at vampire stuff?

Cactus: Oh I see, hm... but the vampirized arm would be a pretty fresh fledgling, right? Somehow I have the idea in my head that the flesh would store, like, blood points essentially

Cactus: Like how Enkil just shattered without blood, I think losing significant body mass would negatively affect them

Kaelio: Yes so it wouldn't level up Lestat but it's not like him getting a new arm would the undo the gains from whoever ate his old arm right?

Cactus: True... does Flavius every say something about his new leg? I can't recall, hm, I'll look

Kaelio: Or maybe you couldn't do this all the time, but it strikes me it's something that maybe you could do every once in a while.

Kaelio: Ahhh yeah 🤔. But we do know that if you don't take all of it, they do have some tolerance and ability to essentially refuel to full power

Kaelio: Or do they! Did Lestat actually take a meaningful step back say post-Merrick vs recently Akasha-clouded qotd Lestat

Cactus: Hm, a rationale for the cult to say that elders/master shouldn't make fledglings, too

Kaelio: You could have a punishment that is less sever than capital punishment but still has a fine-like consequence this way. Ate some of your flesh/power.

Cactus: There's always the cope vs. realism explanation for the downgrade, but it seems like Fareed has to explain things about the leg to Flavius, who take a few months to warm up to it, so maybe there's something to it?

Cactus: You know, I think he might? I was surprised by how much less powerful he seemed to think he was as compared to the ancients in Prince Lestat

Kaelio: Yeah, I actually think that might be the case, and he really does seem like the most powerful around the end of Queen of the Damned and then he definitely isn't later, I mean, I actually would've thought that he could at least put up a fight against Rhosh in a normal sense based on where he is around Memnoch times

Kaelio: Yeah and also maybe Akasha wasn't just the fount for new vampires but basically much more widely used as a recharge than we assumed

Cactus: And Rhoshamandes delegated an unknown amount of fledgling to Benedict

Kaelio: Yeah also maybe then making Fontayne was actually intended as a submissive move by Pandora for Arjun

Kaelio: Almost like self-injury

Kaelio: Of course this also introduces the possibility for gross little mechanisms like Lestat's affirmation that sires have the right to the fledgling's blood

Kaelio: So David's return bite is just about trying to be able to open heavy doors again

Cactus: o: oh now that's a fascinating way to look at it, and also explains why she was not especially raring to go after him

Cactus: [David] was halfway through building a little faux medieval folly on the Talbot estate (old man project)

Kaelio: So implies entitlement to all derived power of the lineage not just intimacy

Kaelio: Kings and vassals indeed!

Cactus: Alternatively, an MLM!

Kaelio: And like an mlm those at the bottom are basically hosed, because wasn't there something about how Amel hits capacity?

Cactus: Yeah, they said people were actually failing to make new vampires there were so many, they'd just die

Kaelio: So it is a scrabble with lords and vassals and subjects over a finite resource. A "game of thrones", if you will.

Kaelio: Although I get the sense the capacity is only a number, not the power of respective components

Kaelio: Which is a really interesting dynamic. It's a zero sum game in terms of population but not in terms of power.

Kaelio: I think a lot of this has to do with how much control we think Amel has over who is getting what powers when, and to what extent, and how much of its power is just to make them vampires period.

Cactus: Oh, I like that idea about them waking up due to essentially hunger pangs, and it explains why the jerks never felt inclined to contribute before but do now

Kaelio: Someone (Marius) does say (to Armand I think) when you get which powers seems kind of strange and arbitrary which is why you have to keep testing your abilities and if they've changed.

Cactus: That comes up a few times I think, I think it took him quite a while to get the Cloud Gift. Or maybe it was fire, hmm

[stuff]

Kaelio: Oh I misread that; do you mean Marius? Because yeah he gets fire before Cloud Cactus: No yeah Marius.

Kaelio: Fire [Marius] gets consistently in Byzantium iirc

Kaelio: But otoh we don't really know because he doesn't know anyone who knows they have it and doesn't really care for it

Kaelio: Avicus it feels like should have it and maybe he does but he doesn't know he does if so.

Kaelio: in Byzantium (or frankly Rome with that sad ass performance against ruffians)

Cactus: Armand mentions he had the feeling he'd get the Cloud Gift fairly soon, so maybe that's what Avicus felt? Like how you can sometimes tell you're going to get a headache before the pain starts

Kaelio: Or I wonder if the powers are granted by a kind of a prayer system to Amel and they just don't realize this is the pathway

Kaelio: And part of the reason they tend to get certain powers is once they know another vampire has them, they can want them

Kaelio: Like maybe he gets the Cloud Gift early because he actually knows what it is and therefore can have a desire for it that might be picked up by Amel

Cactus: Rhoshamandes didn't realize he could fly until reading the books, so that's something

Kaelio: Oh yeah!!!!

Cactus: Counterpoint: Armand couldn't burn anyone until PL which you'd think he'd have started ASAP

Cactus: So I think it does have to be points to an extent

Kaelio: Oh yeah or at least maybe Amel was like you don't get any more powers for a while, greedy!

Kaelio: At least not until you kill more scrub vampires 👀

Cactus: Unlike the others, he doesn't need an incentive to kill so he doesn't need the perks, lol

Cactus: Like how he never bothered urging him to destroy

Kaelio: Armand was being labor exploited :(

Cactus:

-The council: It seems like Amel has only been commanding those with the fire gift to destroy the young -Armand: Well he wasn't said shit to me -The Council: Anyway!

Kaelio: But it's interesting if their categorization system also is... faddish? They tend to get powers because that system allows others to know that it's a power that is acquirable.

Kaelio: And it still leaves it open for the idea that some of them are getting actual -vampire- powers that they don't realize that they've been granted (again Lestat definitely has that love/charm power)

Kaelio: but if it were ever to actually be recognized as a "Charm Gift" others would start to get it because they would be communicating in some conscious or subconscious way that they would like to get it

Cactus: Yeah, as always the healing gift remains ignored and underexplored!

Kaelio: That one's foisted 😭

Cactus: Louis' magnetism could certainly be a manifestation of it

Cactus: His beauty area of effect, lol

Kaelio: absolutely a power he clearly has imo

Kaelio: He absolutely seems to have a glamor for those in his proximity

Kaelio: but maybe the Math Gift could be a thing but they don't realize so the Amel is never getting that subconscious request/"prayer"

Cactus: Louis' is more limited in that it won't absorb you your whole life

Cactus: Oh there's one user of the Math Gift

Kaelio: Oh yeah!

Kaelio: I forgot it was so pronounced

Cactus: You DO win stupid prizes playing stupid games (explode rats gift)

Cactus: Also the notorious insect speed reading

Kaelio: Oh my God, marius did get the explode rat gift

Kaelio: Underutilized against Santino, who just got the rats around gift

Kaelio: saw a rat one time and wanted it to come closer, and that got interpreted as "I would like to have rats around me constantly". Cooter burger moment.

Cactus: Summon Rat vs Rebuke Rat

[imp-furiosa]

Goncharov is a Bad Meme...

...because it’s a bad movie. I don’t begrudge anybody their cult movie favorites, but so few people have heard of Goncharov that there’s a joke going around that it doesn’t exist and people have made it up just to troll. Ironically the things that have won it acclaim as a cult success are the very things that doom it as a work. You need look little further than the box office reception for proof.

Check out the top grossing movies of 1973 and you’ll notice that Goncharov doesn’t make the list. The Exorcist tops things out with a gross of $193 million. The bottom spot goes to Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid with $8 million. Goncharov on the other hand was a commercial failure at release, barely recouping its unnecessarily bloated budget. Not that the budget was big, it was really a shoestring, but a list of production issues and re-shoots ate more and more time and money just to get something out the door.

Now I’m not trying to argue that box office revenue is all that matters for a good movie. It doesn’t at all. But in the case of Goncharov, the box office flop is informed by the way the film was made and thus informs its unique problems.

You see, Goncharov was filmed on location in Naples in the early 1970s during one or perhaps two extended “vacations” for most of the cast in the film. Highly unusual. But that’s sort of how things work when Stefano Pessina of Walgreens Boots Alliance (then Petrone Group) has an urge to play in an American mobster movie. He footed the bill himself (or rather convinced his daddy to), and the mess they shot was largely derivative and not worth any notice.

Scorsese wasn’t even involved until De Niro and Keitel approached him for help. Doing what he could to piece together what he assessed as workable bones, Scorsese tied together formerly loose threads and themes (notably the clock motif wasn’t nearly as significant before he took to work on it). The biggest thing is that he insisted on re-shoots as possible, adding new scenes, cutting scenes entirely, and notably excising all but a cameo of former star Pessina--the man can’t act. But he was paying the bills and while he’d find himself lucky to break even on the venture, his checkbook did at least allow the thing to see the light of day. Saved as much as possible by Scorsese’s talented eye.

All that cut material was saved, possibly at Pessina’s insistence, and has found its way to the public in the half century since its debut. Which has resulted in a number of new cuts and editions. It’s a favorite for film students to practice editing because the copious extra scenes allow wildly varying stories to be told. Since most people aren’t even aware of the movie in the first place, those that see it happenstance may well have found an unofficial edition. This is why we see many wildly varying “canonical” scenes. They all exist, but very few of them actually showed up in Scorsese’s theatrical release back in ‘73.

This is also why it’s lauded on that famous poster with “Martin Scorsese presents.” Despite his extensive work directing re-shoots and new scenes, editing and producing, Scorsese saw it for the train wreck it was and chose to distance himself from the thing. Al Pacino once joked in a TV Guide interview that he wished he had been “able to distance my name from it in that manner. I think we all do.”

Look, who among us has watched Mean Streets or Serpico? Both of those are better works than Goncharov and came out that same year. For a modern audience they would have worked just as well for this joke. Except then instead of topping it off with the ultimate punchline of hunting down the thing and being disappointed you wasted two hours of your life, Mean Streets or Serpico would be enjoyable watches. So save yourself some disappoint and go watch one of those instead.

[genderless-ghost]

everything about the gods and predathos is super complicated and these are just my thoughts. i get where characters are coming from with the gods have done some shit and maybe we would be better off if predathos chased them off or ate them, i’m not sure that’s the best plan. especially since the primes have done good things and helped people too, they’re a little more multi-dimensional than it seems.

like, there’s just too many risks, there’s no way of knowing that releasing predathos wouldn’t cause a ton of damage not just to the gods. and also like what would happen to clerics and paladins, would they lose their abilities since it’s tied to a god they worship? if predathos is as sapient as ludinus claims, what’s to stop it from munching down on exandria, since the gods are its prey and it knows that they derive power from worship, it can fuel up and kneecap the gods in the same moment to eat the gods that much easier. or, if predathos isn’t as sapient as ludinus is claiming, it would’ve been starving from being trapped in the moon for so long and what’s to stop it from munching down on the extremely close by buffet that is exandria? also like what happens to exandria if the wild mother is gone, cause while she is behind the divine gate, she is the goddess of nature and is very tied to the planet of exandria? there’s just too many questions about predathos and the consequences of it being released, that i think it’s too risky to let predathos out.

i also think it’s gonna be really good for bells bells to interact with the mighty nein. just like, a group of more seasoned adventurers who are also just as complicated. but i think it will really help them to have a group that is unafraid to poke and prod and call them out on shit in a way of saying we can be better together if we help each other and listen. but i also think it will absolutely help if they hear about the gods in more positive contexts, since specifically dorian and ashton are pretty anti gods. like they probably won’t change their minds which is fair, but just get more perspectives about them since they’ve been kind of.. resistant to the idea that some of the gods have done good and the world may be worse off without them.

just my thoughts, it’s a very complicated story on purpose so i don’t think there’s like one correct way to do this and of course it’ll depend on the dice rolls and how they decide to play it, which is gonna be very fun to see!

[project-isles]

a whole bunch of incorrect aga quotes

mostly freddy and goldie.

goldie: Are you mad? freddy: No. goldie: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

freddy: goldie, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight? goldie: Raise the dead. freddy: And what did you do? goldie: Raise the dead.

freddy: goldie, can I ask you a question? goldie: You just did. freddy: Okay, can I ask you two questions? goldie: You just did. freddy, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?! goldie: You just did. freddy: When?! goldie: Just now.

goldie: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

bonnie: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?! goldie: Probably because I’m a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence. bonnie: Oh… freddy, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

bonnie: Can I get a waffle? freddy and goldie: fighting and yelling at each other bonnie: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

goldie: Here you go, freddy, a nice hot cup of coffee! freddy: It's cold. goldie: A nice cup of coffee. freddy: It's horrible! goldie: Cup of coffee. freddy: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee. goldie: C U P.

goldie: Any questions? freddy: Uh, yeah, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? goldie: Uh, a plan, duh… bonnie: freddy, chill, I know it’s weird, but goldie has a point. freddy: freddy: THAT WAS LITERALLY A PONY DOODLE WITH A HAT!!

freddy, teaching goldie to drive: Okay, you're driving and bonnie and chica walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? goldie: Oh, definitely chica. I could never hurt bonnie. freddy, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

chica: Did you take out goldie as I requested? bonnie: goldie has been taken out, yes. chica: You have my grat- bonnie: It was a great restaurant. bonnie: We had a romantic candlelit dinner. bonnie: goldie proposed afterwards- we’re filing the wedding papers.

goldie: I am your king, long may I reign! freddy: Well I didn’t vote for you! goldie: You don’t vote for kings. freddy: Well how’d you become king then? goldie: bonnie of the Lake, their arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, goldie, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. freddy: Listen. Strange people lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

chica: Why are bonnie and goldie sitting with their backs to each other? freddy: They had a fight. chica: Then why are they holding hands? freddy: They get sad when they fight.

freddy: Hey! Wanna hear a joke? goldie: Sure. freddy: Your life! goldie: Actually, my life isn’t a joke, jokes have meaning. freddy: goldie, no.

freddy: You can’t have a gun on stage! goldie: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.

goldie: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid. bonnie: You always act stupid. bonnie: bonnie: Wait…

bonnie: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. goldie: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. bonnie: I said within reason, goldie. How about I murder that guy? goldie: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? bonnie: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

goldie: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- bonnie: I wrote you a poem. goldie, already crying: You did?

goldie: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

goldie, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend? freddy, who’s running the drive thru: … freddy: Tequila.

bonnie: Did you have to stab them? foxy: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me. bonnie: What did they say? foxy: "What are you going to do, stab me?" bonnie: That’s fair.

goldie: About to do something incredibly stupid bonnie: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

[whatmathgodwrought]

Salad Bar Theory of Popular Culture

This is going to be a long post. It will discuss "The Salad Bar Theory of Popular Culture," and why Tumblr dot com is the ideal, overgrown petri dish on the web for this phenomenon.

It's a bit of lark, but I do hope you'll laugh at least once if you read to the end.

Imagine you're dining at an all-you-can-eat restaurant. The restaurant is massive. The self-serve food bar has every kind of dish imaginable, and what's more, there is a construction crew adding more space, and new chefs are constantly adding new entrees, remaking old favorites, and sometimes they even invent new cuisines altogether. All of your friends and acquaintances are there. Sometimes you eat together, sometimes you talk about what you ate, sometimes someone excitedly comes to your table raving and telling you to try something new or an old favorite. There is more than you could ever possibly eat in several lifetimes, and it only keeps growing.

This metaphor is the current state of entertainment in the 21st century for all forms of media: music, movies, books, TV shows, ebooks, audiobooks, podcasts, talk radio, art, comics, graphic novels, manga, webcomics, cartoons, anime, newspapers, infotainment, online journalism, live-streaming, plays/dramas, console gaming, PC gaming, smartphone gaming and more. Thanks to the internet, streaming, global-shipping, viral-meme-culture, commodification-of-the-invidivual-via-the-social-media-grind, (and let's be honest, piracy and archival culture), people have access to and are exposed to more entertainment than they could ever hope to consume in several lifetimes.

So, where does leave the typical diner at this restaurant? Well, as the next paragraphs will show, there is no such thing as a "typical diner." There are no gourmets, no gourmands. There is just the Cornucopia and groups of people wandering the endless salad bar. You can be first in line and pay a premium to experience the brand new dish. You can go back to the same section and reload your plate with the same thing as many times as you want, and people will ask if you don't ever get tired of the same thing. You can be a vegetarian. You can eat only meat. You can eat a bit of everything. You can brave the sneers and jeers of the gatekeepers as you sample something--with tastebuds aglow--for the first time and rave about it to all your friends.

So what kind of dining experiences are there in this cultural canteen, this pop-culture pizzeria, this taverna theatre? What do you see there?

Popularity is the Objective Word Here

When something is popular, it spreads like wildfire. This has always been true of popular culture even before the internet. Humans are social, they tell stories and they share. This may seem obvious, but it's also bedrock for the other observations.

Originality is Dead: Long Live Reboots and Remixes.

Show of hands to three questions:

How many people recognize the reference of a gorilla carrying a woman, climbing the Empire State Building while bi-planes shoot at it?

King Kong right? A cultural icon for many years.

How many people have actually seen the original King Kong (1933) starring Fay Wray and directed by Cooper and Schoedsack?

Not as many right? Maybe you only saw one of the many remakes in 2021, 2017, 2005, 1986, 1976, 1967 or 1962.

How many people are alive today that saw King Kong (1933) in the cinema?

Not many I'll bet.

I'd wager the number of hands goes down with each question. And yet the staying power of the original story remains burned into film history and memory. The point is this. Humans retell stories. This is not a bug. It's a feature. "Tell me the story again of…" There is joy (and profit) in the retelling.

Derivative Reference is Often the Primary Way of Experiencing Pop Culture

OK, so people are sharing things left and right. They're retelling, remixing, rebooting, writing fan-fics, etc. All of this creative effort means that your first-time encountering something new may be a reference, rather than experiencing the original. People rarely experience the true original firsthand anymore. They're going to experience things second-hand.

This is especially true with older media. A first experience with something will often be a derivative reference. An example: Back in the day, in school, we watched Planet of the Apes in class. (I don't know, probably the teacher was hung over.) Want to know how I figured out before the big reveal that the Planet of the Apes was really Earth?

Troy McClure spoiled it for me. In Season 7 Episode 9 of the Simpsons, "A Fish Called Selma," McClure takes an acting gig in a musical adaptation of Planet of the Apes, and he sings the following lines:

Oh my God, I was wrong It was earth all along Yes you finally made a monkey out of me.

So there I am, watching Planet of the Apes for the first time, and Troy McClure's big number starts playing in my head. I sit there in disbelief, remembering the Simpsons, and then practically crying into my desk with laughter.

Probably the teacher thought that "kids these days" don't appreciate cinema, but it was just so absurd to have the movie spoiled by a bit in the Simpsons.

Want to know something else? In doing research for this essay, I discovered that Planet of the Apes film isn't even the original. The original story was a French language novel "La Planète des Singes" by Pierre Boulle. So again, people love retelling, often in different forms of media.

Point is, the longer something has been out, the more it tends to be referenced in other forms. TV talk shows will make jokes referencing the new popular thing. Popular phrases quickly become part of the everyday lexicon. People talk at the water cooler. A tech mogul names their new software after one iconic word in Heinlein's 1961 sci-fi novel.

Any piece of popular culture could be "spoiled" for you at any moment, which brings us to....

Spoilers are Everywhere but Do They Just Act as Adverts?

King Kong dies in the end. Dumbledore Dies. Both of these are spoiler memes (and I'm not sorry), but consider the amount of time passed between the original release of both. How long is the statute of limitations on spoilers? How long before a popular piece of media saturates public awareness so much that it becomes unavoidable? Is this ultimately unavoidable because of the viral nature of advertising, marketing and sharing?

In the modern day, it's increasingly hard to avoid spoilers. I've heard of people going off social media for weeks before a major film release so it doesn't get spoiled for them.

People seem divided on the topic of spoilers, but it's a very good question: Would you still enjoy a story if it was spoiled for you? Shakespeare spoils Romeo & Juliet in the first 14 lines:

Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whose misadventured piteous overthrows Do with their death bury their parents' strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which, but their children's end, nought could remove, Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage; The which if you with patient ears attend, What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

Do you still want to see the rest of the play? What if it had Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo, Claire Danes as Juliet and Harold Perrineau as Mercutio? There is something to be said for knowing where the story goes, yet still enjoying the teling of the tale.

I'll go on record and say I don't really care about spoilers. They've become adverts to me, hooks of interest into things I might not have discovered otherwise. I have to encounter new media somehow, and I try to take a positive outlook on it, saying, "I was meant to discover this." If I like something, I'm going to like it unabashedly and still find a way to enjoy it.

Delayed Gratification

If you are PC gamer, let me ask a question: How many unplayed games do you have in your Steam library? Games you haven't even downloaded and opened for the first time. What about unfinished games? Played-once-and-dropped-it games? Now ask yourself: Did you buy this game when it first came out? Did you pay for early access? Would you have still enjoyed it, even if you had to wait a while? Consider the Reddit community r/PatientGamers. They don't care to line up and pay a premium for a brand new release. They know it will still be the same game (often less buggy), and they will even be able to get it on sale. They know the salad bar is vast. There's lots of content, and there's no hurry. They let it come to them when the time is right.

I Don't Want to Hear It

Similar to r/PatientGamers, there is also the phenomona when it seems like everyone is raving about something, to the point where you begin to actively block it out. It doesn't seem to matter what it is; even if it's something good that you would ultimately enjoy. Something about the repetition or the messaging rubs you wrong, and you innoculate yourself against it. You avoid that part of the salad bar at all costs, even if you might like it.

Interpreting the Rules: Remixing as Fan Behavior.

How dooes your social circle play the game Uno? Fandom has a tendency to take what's been created and modify it, remix it according to their own rules, according to fanon's own internal logic. Sometimes it's seen as an act of repair, sometimes a love letter to canon. Sometimes it's shipping characters. Sometimes it is a what-if. What if all these different characters from different properties got together in a story?

Dismay at Media Conglomerate Strip Mining

Has one of the five mega media conglomerates "ruined your childhood" by making a live-adaptation of your favorite childhood cartoon? Well, buckle up, because they aren't going to stop. The big five are hungry for content, and they are actively strip-mining your childhood favorites. It doesn't matter if it's a live action remake of Avatar the Last Airbender or CATS the musical, eventually some studio exec is going to see dollar signs, and your favorite thing is going to get a bad remake. It's best to just accept this.

Further Dismay at AI Strip Mining

If you don't like what the big five are doing, you will hate what AI is doing, and if you're an artist you probably already know you are getting robbed by AI companies. Large language models (also known as Plausible Sentence Generators) and text-to-artwork tools like Stable Diffusion and Midjourney are getting more sophisticated.

They're still scraping the web, and more sites seem to be selling user-generated content to these places, prompting artists to use Glaze and Nightshade to protect their work and poison AI data-models.

People are selling their likeness for permanent use in perpetuity for use in crowds. Lord of the Rings used AI-enabled CGI units in some of the battles, and that was over 20 years ago. How long before they don't hire extras for movies anymore?

The year is 2100. You put on a vid. It is the usual cast, starring: Tu-Pac Shakur's avatar, Hatsune Miku, the latest Disney princess avatar, and the disembodied voice of James Earl Jones. All of the original flesh and blood actors are long dead, but their AI avatars and copyright ramain. Some were never were alive in the first place. It's all necrotainment. You turn off the TV.

Back to the present year, James Earl Jones's voice is now in an AI model, so Disney can give us the same Darth Vader forever. The year 2100 seems not so far away.

On the plus side, there seems to be a growing backlack against AI-generated content. People consider it cheap, shoddily-made and flimsy, and the quickest way to associate a brand as cheap garbage. At the Glasgow Willy Wonka's Chocolate experience event, the organizer used AI generated visuals for the marketing, and people arrived disappointed at the "dirty old warehouse." According to Paul Connell, the actor who played Wonka, the script was "15 pages of AI-generated gibberish."

"I never knew I would have liked this"

OK this is getting a bit grim, so here's something fun: People are getting exposed to other cultures' entertainment, and they like it! Netflix reports that 60% of their users have watched a Korean drama, and they plan to invest USD $2.5 billion in future Korean drama for the platform. Like anime booming outside of Japan in the 80s and 90s, or the British Invasion in the 1960s, people try out other parts of the salad bar, and discover they quite like it.

Archival Behavior

Abraham Lincoln once said, "You can't believe everything you read on the Internet." This is why screencapping and archiving things has become more important. Tweets get deleted, accounts get banned, and users deactivate. Capturing and archiving things here at least preserves some of the conversation.

In the Art of War, Sun Tzu wrote, "If you know yourself and you know your enemy -- and let's be clear the enemy are techbros, who are fundamentally lazy and want to cut corners for the sake of a quick buck and flashy, fake-innovation. Even their own mothers don't love them. They stole this content from Tumblr username whatmathgodwrought, original posting date 2024/03/03, and this should be used as evidence in the lawsuit against the responsible parties -- you need not fear the result of a hundred battles."

If the internet is just 4 websites containing screenshots of the other ones, many are doing the good work of archiving for posterity.

Wasn't this Post also about Tumblr?

Yeah, yeah, we're taking the scenic route. (If you actually read this far, thank you. Send whatmathgodwrought a message and I'll read your blog, maybe reblog some of your stuff, maybe even follow you.)

Let's recap: pop culture spreads like wildfire. It gets retold/remixed/rebooted. Reference and spoilers are everywhere. You can delay and still enjoy a thing anytime, or you can resolutely choose to avoid a thing completely. You can remix, recreate, and fan-theorize canon ideas to their natural conclusion. The big five entertainment corps and AIs are strip-mining the heck out of it. People loves to try out things they never would have had access to before. So, after having some of these kind of experiences, you can post your fandom thoughts on Tumblr, add tags and watch it blow up (or not) or don't add tags (and watch it somehow blow up anyway?). Posts with "10k note energy" have slept for years before someone fired a reblog chain heard round the world. So what makes this environment the Galapagos Island or Cambrian period of websites for this Salad Bar idea?

Repeat and Resurgence

So the thing about a recurring joke is that it keep recurring. People will often write: "I will always reblog this." There are also seasonal examples. King Taejong falls from his horse, Feb 8, 1404. Julius Casear's assassaination on the Ides of March. Voyager's "Threshold" season-2, episode 15, Jan 29th. The clay tablet to Ea-nāṣir complaining about inferior quality copper. People like retelling, and reblogging with scheduling or queue contributes to the seasonal nature of repeat themes.

Tag You're It

Tags kind of help with the spreads-like-wildfire aspect. I've always liked tags as a general concept, because they're a flat, non-hierarchical, multi-category way of organizing information. In the Dewey Decimal system, your number is the category, and that's it; no nuance, no second-guessing, no argument. With tags, you add as many as you want, and then off it goes--haphazardly careening about the Tumblr ecosystem. Tagging is also broken, but whatever.

Goncharov

my favourite thing about the goncharov nonsense is that it relies on the tumblr culture of watching ur mutual posting about something but not really paying attention to it. the reason it slips so easily under the radar is we’re all used to seeing people’s random sudden fixations on our dashes and then just letting them do their thing - you don’t unfollow, you often don’t even filter it out, you just think ‘hey, glad they’re having fun’ and scroll past. i went like two days before realising it was a mass joke because i assumed one of my mutuals was just Really Into some old mafia film from the 70s all of a sudden. because why wouldn’t they be

User @watchmakermori hits the nail on the head. Tumblr's ecosystem exposes the user to random fandoms, which they might like, might look at later, or might actively avoid. It is within that space of ambiguity that the Goncharov phenomena thrived.

Trending By Organic Pollination

On this hellsite, it's possible to completely overwhelm the tags and get something trending, but at least this is mostly driven by human interest. In this case, Tumblr's lack of an algorithm is actually a feature. When a mutual reblogs something, at least I know that a human did it, unlike algorithm-based, auto-served content. We've seen what algorithms have done to Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube and even Google search. Algorithms drive "engagement", endless scrolling, and are likely contributing to Dead Internet Theory. At least Tumblr users are continuously blocking bots, trying to inoculate against AI-generated content, and are reblogging human content.

Parallel Play

Tumblr users' tendency to engage in parallel play also contributes to the remix factor as users reblog, retag and recontextulize. A shitpost becomes educational. Two isolated fandoms collide accidentally because of a poll. Someone makes a spelling error and it goes viral. Users play with JPEGs like dolls. Everyone is just out there doing their own thing in the big sandbox, and emergent behaviors result.

In Conclusion?

This post ended up more Tumblr-positive than I intended, even though that wasn't the original idea. The idea was to be more dispassionate, more objective, a casual observer. But like any participant-observer, I've gotten a bit caught up in the phenomenon.

So let's call this a Love Letter (academically aggravated) to Tumblr. Suffice it to say, I hope y'all keep blocking bots, reblogging humans, spiting the great AI content harvest, and keep enjoying the Salad Bar.